Bonus Bang: A CBB World Speed Force Thanksgiving Special* (*It's Actually Skanksgiving)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: Bonus Bang—A CBB World Speed Force Thanksgiving Special Summary

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

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Main Theme

This episode is a self-aware, absurdist, and meta “Thanksgiving” (Skanksgiving) spectacular led by Scott Aukerman and the recurring, reality-warping character Rudy North. Tasked with saving the “CBB Worldaverse” by hosting a Speed Force Thanksgiving that satisfies Scott, Rudy gathers a dysfunctional “family” of past fan-favorite and outlandishly strange CBB characters—plucking them from the archives, other dimensions, and even the future. The episode combines classic CBB inside jokes, parody, surreal time-travel/alternate reality shenanigans, and a raucous “dysfunctional family dinner” feel, satirizing both podcast and holiday special tropes.

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Episode Structure & Key Segments

1. Time-Bending Backstory and Mission (03:05–04:47)

• In a Marvel/time-travel spoof cold open, future “Rudy Prime” informs Rudy North that the Speed Force and CBB Worldaverse are collapsing due to a lack of new canon.
• Rudy must host Speed Force Thanksgiving to revitalize the universe, with the directive: “Scott has to have a good time.”
• “The Speed Force feeds on new canon. Canon created by you.” (Rudy Prime, 04:48)

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2. In the Speed Force with Scott & Rudy—Old Traditions, New Purpose (06:51–13:01)

• Rudy and Scott crack wise about their legendary Speed Force Thanksgivings (now Skanksgivings), pandemic protocols, and narrative canon.
• Banter about Rudy's “Flash” powers, old jobs, and dubious abilities: “I got the powers of the Flash. I got the powers of the Force from Star Wars. I do think I could stretch my arms like Stretch Armstrong.” (Rudy, 09:14)
• Meta-jokes about monetization and podcasting:
  • Scott: “Hey, I just want to make sure. Are we recording this? Because I don’t talk unless I recorded.” (08:38)

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3. Debating the Morality and Name of Thanksgiving, Skanksgiving is Born (13:01–14:40)

• After darkly joking about Thanksgiving’s “tainted” history (“both sides”), they rechristen the day “Skanksgiving” to distance it from its colonial roots.
• Satirical cancel culture jokes:
  • “How could two guys like you and me get canceled?” — Scott (14:33)

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4. Assembling the Dysfunctional Family Table—Character Parade (17:12–66:49)

a. Francesca Bolognese Joins (17:12–36:45)

• Sardinian, Bed Bath & Beyond worker. Expresses deep cynicism for Thanksgiving, her husband, working retail, and America in general.
• Hilariously aggressive, dry cynicism:
  • “Why you have to be so grateful for your stupid life? Your life sucks.” (22:10)
• Comedy about her tiny size, terrible job, disastrous family, and a Halloween costume as “sexy Danny DeVito.”

b. Dash Grabham from Pokémon Universe (37:12–50:03)

• Earnest, childlike Pokémon trainer, constantly hiding. Detailed tangent about Pokémon fighting and his inability to grasp sexiness.
• Vivid, surreal asides:
  • “You just described two different options for Pokémon. Some are big.” (39:05)
  • “You sort of celebrate your subjugation of the native people of this land that you then took...” (40:41 — biting CBB political edge)
• Shares “rare candy” (jokes about cocaine use), which the entire table snorts, resulting in absurd cartoonish euphoria.

c. Buck Tango and His Mech Suit (50:09–66:49)

• Buck is an awkward, socially anxious mecha-builder who insists on demonstrating his exoskeleton (worn under a suit), which is neuro-linked via… his butthole.
• Extended gags about the pointlessness of his mech, feeling inferior, and Thanksgiving food failures.
• “You look like you have wires coming out of your butthole and a clear mech.” (Scott, 61:35)
• The group realizes that their family of guests is lackluster and meta-laments the disappointing guest list.

d. Morpheus from CBB World 2 (Alternate Universe) (66:49–77:10)

• Pulled from “CBB World 2,” where he’s not banned. Manifests via dream logic; leads to dream/nightmare logic jokes, and everyone must “fall asleep” to see him.
• His “Skanksgiving” is all about “saying what you’re most slutty for” and only listening to ska.
• Brings “exotic dream delicacies” (banana bread, Mike and Ike’s, tuna noodle casserole)—all things the group finds repulsive.
• “Thanksgiving is when we are closest to the dream world. Dressing in sexy costumes for a month brings us ever so close to our primal thoughts and desires.” (Morpheus, 73:41)

e. Ron Snapper, Guest from the Future (81:19–95:10)

• Rudy plucks “the future’s favorite guest” to the table: Ron Snapper, a tough-love podcast fixer and host of a “Gas Station TV” show called Podcast Rescue.
• Ron reveals all previous guests were recon spies collecting intel on how bad Scott’s podcast is, and he was called in to “fix” things.
• Meta-discussion of podcast industry, references to “Mount Podmore” (Podcast Hall of Fame), and failed rescue attempts.

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5. Therapy Session, Apologies, and Emotional Climax (92:09–95:20)

• Characters air grievances, offer apologies, and prod Scott to show gratitude for even the most difficult guests.
• Touching (and mocking) moment as Scott acknowledges that “maybe not the group of guests that I wanted, but I think it’s the group of guests that I needed.” (95:13)
• Rudy and Scott reestablish their friendship, ending the “family dinner” on a note of mutual appreciation.

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6. The Skanksgiving Dinner Fiasco Finale (96:06–98:47)

• With the table hungry and anticipation high, Rudy sheepishly reveals he “forgot to turn on the oven.” There is no turkey!
• “This is the worst Skanksgiving I’ve ever had in my life. I hated it.” (Scott, 97:42)
• In melodramatic superhero/TV special style, Rudy “merges his canon with the Speed Force” to save the CBB universe, sacrificing himself for the show's future.

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7. Post-Credits: The Speed Force Afterlife and a New Cliffhanger (99:44–101:00+)

• In the “afterlife,” Rudy reunites with Cake Boss (his canon rehab sponsor). Cake Boss warns that Rudy’s reckless timeline meddling has triggered “branch CBB timelines” and ominously announces:
  • “We need to prepare. There’s a crisis coming. A crisis on Infinite Bang Bang.” (100:49)
• Teased continuation: “Rudy North will return…”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Meta Jokes and Self-Reference

• “You want to be thankful, but you don’t think anyone else in the world deserves to be thankful.” — Scott, 24:21
• “How many times are you going to say you’re so glad I’m here?” — Scott calls out Rudy’s opening-guest pablum, 09:38

Podcast Industry Satire

• “I need to monetize. Anytime I open my mouth.” — Scott, 07:48
• On guest list disappointment:
  • “With these first two guests, it seems like, you know, there’s not. Not my favorite.” — Scott, 49:01

Absurd Character Bits

• Francesca: “Turkey tasted like wood chip. So if they buy a turkey and… they can return it.” (21:54)
• Dash: “I found rare candy. I think you put it right up your nose.” (45:01)
• Buck Tango: “You look like you have wires coming out of your butthole and a clear mech.” (61:35)

Meta & Sentimental Closure

• “I apologize if I’ve treated you poorly, and I’m so glad that all of you are here.” — Scott, 93:11
• Rudy: “You’ve been such a great friend to me… and I want to re-establish our relationship… It wouldn’t be possible without you.” (95:42)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [04:47] – The mission: Scott must have a good time to save the CBB Worldaverse.
• [13:14] – Skanksgiving is born.
• [17:12] – Francesca Bolognese arrives.
• [37:36] – Dash Grabham joins; rare candy/cocaine segment.
• [50:27] – Buck Tango brings mech into the festivities.
• [66:49] – “Morpheus 2” (from CBB World 2) dream sequence.
• [81:19] – Ron Snapper (future guest, Podcast Rescue) appears.
• [92:09] – Apology and therapy session for the dysfunctional “family.”
• [96:06] – Skanksgiving finale disaster—no turkey, Rudy’s sacrifice.
• [99:44+] – Post-credits: Speed Force afterlife, the warning of “Crisis on Infinite Bang Bang.”

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Tone and Style

• Wildly irreverent, self-satirical, meta—the episode regularly mocks its own format, characters, and both podcasting and holiday special clichés.
• Heavily improvised, with running jokes, callbacks, and deliberate character contradictions.
• Simultaneously affectionate and caustic in its treatment of “difficult” guests, with the traditional CBB blend of absurdism, lampooned ego, and emotional subtext.

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Final Notes

This “Speed Force Skanksgiving” is a loving parody of the podcast’s own culture, fan-base, and mythos, masterfully balancing mayhem with moments of poignancy and meta-textual humor.

Listeners new to Comedy Bang Bang will find the episode fast, furious, and often surreal, but it’s also an expertly-crafted sampler of the show’s signature blend of character-driven improvisation and relentless in-jokes. Longtime fans will relish the layers of canon, guest callbacks, and affectionate digs at podcasting culture.

Essential moment for diehard fans:
The post-credits sting, setting up a multiverse “Crisis on Infinite Bang Bang,” promises even grander meta-narrative madness to come.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here and welcome to another bonus bang where we are re releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. And guys, we have something very special this week because this bonus bang is coming out exactly on Thanksgiving Day. We're gonna put out something from the CBB Presents archives which is a Thanksgiving special that we did. This is called a CBB World Speed Force Thanksgiving Special with the parenthetical it's actually skanksgiving. And this was originally released in the CBB presents Feed on November 24, four years ago 2021 and has only been available there until now. We're we're getting it out here and we're going to let everyone hear it. This of course was a time bending, mind warping adventure and it starred our good friend Rudy North. That's right, Sean playing Rudy North. It also has Lily Sullivan, Zach Reno, Matt Apodaca, Will Hines and Devin Field. So a great, great cast plus incredible music and sound design done by Brett Morris. And this is a big Thanksgiving special from Rudy North. I want you to listen to this and then make sure you hear it all the way to the end, even past the wrap up because something very interesting happens at the very end of the episode and you're gonna wanna hear it. So listen to the whole thing. But if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang as well as CBB Presents, become a [e-mail] we have specials like this. We have all of the past episodes from the archives. Every live show we've done ad free new episodes and original shows like Scott as and seen other neighborhood. Listen Collegetown. So much great stuff over there. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But until then, a happy skanks giving to you and yours. And enjoy this bonus bang.

[D]

CBB presents.

[E]

In the beginning, there was only Scott Aukerman. And then there was the great Bang Bang. In an explosion of creativity and business savvy, he created CBB World. Thus spawning the CBB Worldiverse. Then came Rudy North, a being of unknown, unknowable power. They connected at speed Force Thanksgiving 1304 days ago. But since that Thanksgiving, in a mysterious set of circumstances, the Speed Force and CBB Worldaverse have become intertwined, setting in motion a series of events that will change CBB World. Damn, that Marvel movie was good as hell. They got some eternals in that motherfucker. Hey, excuse me over there. Are you cleaning up this movie theater?

[F]

Yeah, that's my job.

[E]

Now it's your job? Yeah, that's right. Looks like I got a new job. This is gonna be fun. Clean up all the popcorn and shit.

[C]

What the hell?

[G]

What the.

[E]

Rudy? Rudy North? Wait, who are you? Are you me? Yes, it is I, Rudy Prime. Rudy north from the future. Wow, I look good as hell. Man, black does not crack. I came here to give you a warning. The CBB World Averse is in trouble.

[C]

What?

[E]

Well, we all know CBB World and the Speed Force have a mysterious connection. Well, yes, that's canon. And the Speed Force feeds on new canon. Canon created by you. I actually didn't know that. Since you've been in canon rehab, the Speed Force has grown weak. It's dying, Rudy. And with it, so is the CBB Worldiverse. Well, what do I do? There's only one thing you can do. You must host a Speed Force Thanksgiving special. And Scott has to have a good time. Future Rudy. I think I could do that. If not, the CBB worldaverse may be destroyed forever. Well, it looks like I'm off the wagon. Previously, 2 days ago on Comedy Bang Bang.

[C]

Okay, bye guys. Thank you so much for being on the show. Oh, man.

[D]

Whoo.

[C]

Time to stretch out and relax and do my post show stretches. And here we. What the.

[E]

Scott, it's me. It's Rudy.

[A]

It's.

[E]

I made it. I made it.

[C]

Right up there. Rudy North.

[E]

That's right, Scott. I'm Here. And I've got a new tease.

[C]

Oh, no. What? What's going on? Why are you here?

[E]

Scott, I need you for something.

[H]

Really?

[E]

I need you for the Speed Force Thanksgiving Special on cbbworld.com okay, whatever you need. What?

[C]

We're going. We're going into the Speed Force right now.

[E]

That's right, Scott. I know I'm not supposed to be using my powers because of in the canon. I am kind of.

[C]

I don't really remember either.

[E]

But I must use them for Speed Force Thanksgiving. Scott, are you ready?

[C]

Whatever you need, buddy. Let's do.

[E]

Welcome to the CBB World Speed Force Thanksgiving Special, y'.

[G]

All.

[E]

I'm your host, Rudy north, and I'm here with my guest of honor. Co host with the bro most with the bro. Ho with the.

[C]

We talked about this.

[E]

What do I say?

[C]

Co host with the bro broast. Because I broasted a chicken for this.

[E]

My co host with the bro broast coming through with the bro bro. Scotty Aukerman. Scott, how you doing?

[C]

I'm great, Rudy. So good to see you, man.

[E]

Was I coming in hot just now?

[I]

You were.

[H]

I.

[C]

You were at least medium temperature, but you were edging up to hot.

[E]

I feel like I'm coming in hot.

[C]

You definitely are hot.

[E]

I'm feeling good today.

[C]

Yeah, I'm glad. Hey, I just want to make sure. Are we recording this? Because I don't. I don't talk unless I recorded.

[E]

Yes, Scott, this is the CBB World Speed Force Thanksgiving special.

[C]

Okay, good. Yeah, I need to monetize. Anytime I open my mouth.

[E]

I wouldn't just invite you over to have dinner or some shit.

[C]

Yeah, good.

[E]

We gotta make some fucking money, man. Now, Scott, I'm so glad you're here because I had something to tell you, Scott.

[C]

Oh, really? Oh, okay, let me guess. Let's see. You want to tell me you are in a relationship?

[E]

That kind of my thing.

[C]

Maybe you purchased something for the holidays.

[H]

Okay.

[C]

No.

[E]

You're getting closer.

[C]

Maybe you're a family member has passed away.

[E]

No, Scott or Scott. I got a new job. Oh, of course.

[C]

I should have known. You should have known that's your last job. I don't remember. You're trying to clean up.

[E]

I think my last job was I was a Zoom security guard.

[C]

All right.

[E]

And that didn't go too well.

[C]

There's not a lot to call for.

[E]

Not a lot of call at this point. You know, we'll open it up. We're not too much on Zoom. I'm so glad we could be here in person. Scott, in Poison. In Poison.

[C]

Do you have a new accent?

[E]

I've got a new affectation. Scott, I'm so glad we could be here in person inside the Speed Force. Scott.

[C]

Oh my God. Some of my most favorite times of my life have been spent in the Speed Force with you.

[E]

For the people who don't know, me and Scott in 2018 celebrated our first Speed Force Thanksgiving together.

[C]

Four years ago, we traveled inside the. You know, for those of you who don't know even this Rudy, you have the powers of the Flash.

[E]

I have the powers of the Flash. I got the powers of the Force from Star Wars. I do think I could stretch my arms like Stretch Armstrong.

[C]

I've never seen that. And you've never even tried.

[E]

No, I tried to do it one time. Did not work.

[C]

So why do you think you have these powers?

[E]

That's a good question, Scott. I think therefore I am.

[H]

Oh, okay.

[E]

So it's one of those things. But you know, Scott, I'm so glad you're here. We're in the Speed Force. For the listeners, how many times are.

[C]

You going to say you're so glad I'm here?

[E]

Hold up. I'm so glad I'm here. I'm so glad I'm here. So glad to be here. I'm freaking glad to be here, Scott, because we celebrated four years ago and we haven't really kept up the tradition of Speed Force Thanksgiving.

[C]

No, I mean, honestly, the pandemic happened.

[E]

It happened and we get in the Speed Force. By the way, the Speed Force is about a. It's a six by six room.

[C]

Yeah. It's also very Covid compliant. You need to like do home testing. They kind of shut PCR test 48 hours in advance. We were like, fuck that.

[E]

They shut stuff down in the Speed Force months before they did in L. A. Yeah.

[G]

And.

[C]

And I had been, you know, I'd been holing up with Sprague, the Whisper.

[E]

You were hanging out with Sprague the Whisper?

[C]

The entire pandemic.

[E]

And you guys were having fun, huh?

[C]

We had a lot of fun.

[E]

What you guys been up to?

[C]

We. We did not take it seriously for the first.

[E]

Nah, you guys were in restaurants and shit kissing people and so you guys had fun? You've been watching movies?

[G]

That's.

[C]

That's been.

[E]

Sounded like a blast, I heard.

[J]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, it's been so fun. I mean, I've missed you, obviously, but.

[E]

I mean, we're best friends, Scott.

[C]

Oh, of course we're best friends. But I hang out with him exclusively.

[E]

Oh, truly, truly. Well, we became best friends in the spe. We did.

[C]

I didn't much know that much about you or care that much about you. And then we went to the Speed Force together.

[E]

We spent multiple years in the Speed Force and they came back to the very moment we left.

[C]

And it's interesting because we ate. It was a lot like Picard in that one episode of Next Generation where he mentally goes into someone else's body and ages, you know, but when he gets back to his own present, he hasn't aged a day.

[E]

And that was like gained the wisdom of a lifetime. Exactly.

[C]

He knows how to play like a weird flute, which I also do.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, you do, don't you?

[C]

Yeah. Let me see.

[E]

Let me see if you could play that. Weird.

[C]

Here we go.

[E]

I saw you brought it. Let's see how you. Yeah, that's not. Yeah, you might want to flip it around. There you go. It's pretty weird. That's a lot. I gotta say, that was pretty good. How long did it take you? 45 years to learn.

[C]

45 years to learn that.

[E]

That is.

[C]

My wife was bummed, by the way I was married in the Speed Force to someone else because.

[E]

Would you marry.

[C]

Oh, I married the black racer.

[E]

Oh, yes, the black racer.

[F]

Yes.

[E]

From the canon of, you know, the Flash.

[C]

Yeah, of course.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, I mean, we share canon with flash. Yes, we all share the same way. You share the canon of Star Wars. The powers of the Flash as well.

[E]

I have the powers of the Flash. But you know, Scott, the last time we talked, I was in canon rehab.

[C]

Yeah, I remember something about that in your. And your.

[E]

Your sponsor was Cabo Cake boss.

[C]

And I just had a lot of trouble recently too with like, you know, fucking up his hand.

[E]

Yeah, he like nailed his hand into a cake or something. I don't remember what that dude was. But you know, the last time I was here, I said I would never use my flash powers again.

[G]

Right.

[E]

But I thought to myself, it's Speed.

[C]

Force Thanksgiving, we gotta get the homies together.

[E]

We gotta get the homies together. And look, there might be some sort of convoluted reason why we need to do this to save the CBB WorldAverse.

[C]

I'm just here for.

[E]

We don't need to discuss that.

[C]

No.

[E]

Right now, Scott, you about to have the best Speed Force skanksgiving. Skanksgiving. Skanksgiving that you've ever had in your life.

[D]

Scott.

[E]

It's gonna be a skanks.

[C]

Basically, when all the skanks from Halloween who have dressed up like Slutty versions of whatever.

[E]

They forget to change for a month. And then they come and they're like, what do y' all eat turkey in here? Task eggs. Give it, Scott. Now, Scott, are you ready to explore your own life?

[C]

Scott, I don't know what that means. So I. I couldn't tell you if I'm ready. I probably am, because I don't give a shit. But.

[E]

Scott, the meaning of Speed Force Thanksgiving, as we all know, is to reflect on the things that you are thankful for. Scott.

[C]

I didn't realize that that's almost like regular Thanksgiving.

[H]

It is.

[E]

Oh, hold up. Let me check my Twitter real quick. Regular Thanksgiving is canceled.

[C]

What?

[E]

Oh, regular Thanksgiving is canceled. The word Thanksgiving should not be used anymore.

[C]

They finally canceled Thanksgiving. God, this is cancel.

[E]

Cultural cancel. Okay, so I think we can't say Thanksgiving, Scott, because, you know, the history of Thanksgiving is tainted, Scott.

[C]

Oh, I mean. Yeah, on both sides. Both sides. Some very fine people.

[E]

There's fine people on both sides. It's tainted on both sides, Scott. So you know what? I think we should rename this thing right off the bat.

[C]

Okay. What do you. Let's spitball some ideas.

[G]

I want.

[E]

I want to call it. We could call it Skanksgiving. We kind of already have that.

[C]

Yeah, it's pretty good, actually. We just stumbled into it.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

Is it better?

[D]

Are we.

[C]

I know you came in with something that you were very fond of, but let's just put it up against Skanksgiving.

[J]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. Am I going to for saying Speed Force Thanksgiving or Speed Force Skanksgiving?

[C]

I like Skanksgiving. I don't know.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Here's what we're gonna call it. A CBB World Speed Force Thanksgiving Special. Asterix. Actually, it's Skanksgiving.

[C]

Okay. All right.

[E]

I think we won't get canceled for that.

[C]

No, no, no. How could two guys like you and me get canceled?

[E]

I'm cancel proof, baby. I punch people in the throat all the time. I steal people's jobs. I am cancel proof, Scott.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. And so am I. Right?

[E]

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. Your eyes are darting around.

[D]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. Just don't listen to the CBB archives, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

I'd say start at episode 600 if T6.

[C]

Yeah, that's probably around when we started. Really?

[E]

Well, Scott, Thanksgiving. I mean, Skanksgiving can only be celebrated in the Speed Force with friends and families.

[C]

Oh, okay. Well, four years ago, it was just you and me.

[E]

It was just you and me.

[C]

Of course, the black racer and the.

[E]

Black Racer and the Revers Flash.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

And I think King Shark was in there.

[C]

Yeah. But the Weather Wizard.

[E]

The Weather wizard was in there.

[C]

They were eat. And then, like, was like, oh, God, I got another.

[E]

He's got another thing. And I'm like, okay, Weather Wizard. He's going home to, like, jack off or something. Weather, was it? Always jacking off.

[C]

Jack it off in a. In, like, a sleet store.

[E]

He's crazy. That's dick. Now, Scott, I have gone into your history, into your past, into your soul.

[C]

Scott, not the CBB archives.

[E]

No, no, no, no, no.

[H]

Okay.

[E]

Kind of hovering. Starting around 600, I have assembled a motley crew of a Thanksgiving family. Scott.

[H]

Oh.

[C]

With you, like, you've brought in some of my favorite guests of all time.

[E]

Some of the most iconic, some of the most memorable. I say iconic, too, baby. Some of the most iconic, memorable guests that I think when you had them on, I think when it was over, you said, we need to be friends. Outside of this. I want to invite you to actual things. Okay.

[C]

This is amazing. I mean, the mind is just reeling of who could possibly be thinking about.

[E]

Jason Manzukas or something.

[C]

Oh, of course. Yeah.

[E]

You know, probably Santa Claus or something.

[C]

Not too fun.

[E]

You guys get into a lot of fights.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

But, Scott, I'm about to fetch our first guest.

[I]

Okay.

[C]

I'm so excited.

[E]

But in order to do that, I do have to dip into the Speed Force. Scott.

[J]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Yeah, that's understandable. You're. Are you picking up these guests from.

[E]

I'm picking up these guys. These guests from Episodes Pass, Scott.

[J]

Oh, okay.

[E]

This episode. God, I don't even fucking know. Sometime last year, sometime. Hovering around the six hundreds. Scott, you ready to meet this guest?

[C]

Oh, yeah, definitely. Oh, I'm. God, this is amazing that you would do this for me.

[E]

Here we go. About to go. And. Scott.

[C]

Oh, my God, you're all sweaty.

[E]

I'm all sweaty. That was really hard. Scott.

[C]

Wait, were you jacking off too?

[E]

No, Scott. I mean, look, I will say, when you're running through time, there is a sort of friction that happens on your body that is very hot, very pleasurable. It is very pleasurable.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

But, Scott, I have brought one of your favorite guests, Francesca Bolognese. Scott.

[D]

What the heck am I doing here?

[E]

Hi, Francesca. How are you?

[D]

Hi.

[C]

Hi, Francesca.

[D]

Scott, that you look above the four years older.

[C]

I just saw you, like, like, maybe last year, probably like three months ago.

[D]

Sorry.

[C]

So sorry.

[E]

I guess you had a. A rough.

[D]

A few months.

[E]

Okay. Francesca, how are you? Thank you for Being here. Welcome to Speed Force Thanksgiving.

[D]

Thank you for having me. I'm. I'm honored.

[C]

What's your name? Rudy.

[E]

Oh, my name is Rudy.

[C]

So used to talking to my best friend. My other friend. Spray.

[E]

Yeah, I wouldn't bring that up again.

[C]

What is she doing here?

[E]

Like, she's one of your favorite guests. Francesca.

[J]

Polynese.

[C]

Francesca. Polynesian.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[C]

She hates me.

[E]

No, no, that's. That cannot be true.

[C]

Oh, okay. All right. Hey, Francesca. I'm so glad you're. I'm so honored you're here.

[D]

I heard everything you guys said. Everything you guys say. No.

[E]

What do you mean?

[D]

Listen, I. I want to start a clean slate.

[G]

Okay.

[D]

I'm gonna have a good time today. Okay.

[E]

Well, thank you for coming to Speed for. I did dip into the episode and pull your ass out and said, we're about to have Thanksgiving dinner.

[G]

Come with me.

[E]

And you said, okay, whatever.

[C]

Oh, in the middle of the episode?

[E]

Yeah, yeah, I pulled him out the.

[C]

Middle, like, mid sentence.

[E]

No, it was kind of around plugs.

[C]

Oh, okay. During the actual plug, I was talking.

[D]

About the new Twitter handle that I found out about. L I, L, Y, I.

[C]

Too confusing.

[E]

It's kind of weird.

[F]

I don't know. It's not confusing at all.

[D]

It's a very simple.

[E]

That'd be kind of wasteful if you had that as a Twitter handle.

[D]

No, it did. Might win right now. Jason Suitcase.

[G]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, he's here. He's coming.

[E]

No, no, no, he's not. Jason. I don't think. I mean, maybe.

[H]

Maybe.

[E]

Keep, keep, keep hopes up. All right, now, Franchesca.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

Tell me about your connection to Thanksgiving. Are you happy to be here today? Are you good?

[C]

Are they even celebrated and could. Where are you from again?

[D]

I am from Italy. I am from Sardinia.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

That's why I am so small.

[H]

Okay.

[E]

Oh, interesting.

[D]

We don't. Have.

[E]

We talked about how small you are.

[D]

We have not.

[C]

That's never come up.

[D]

I don't know that it is ever.

[C]

Did you start doing the show when we were on Zoom? I can't remember because everyone looks big on Zoom.

[D]

Exactly. So you guys don't know that.

[E]

So your camera was just right up small. So you were that big sardine can you were sitting on. That wasn't like a big chair. That was an actual sardine can.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. So I am one foot.

[C]

One foot.

[D]

One foot, one foot tall.

[C]

12 inches.

[D]

12, 13 inches.

[H]

Okay.

[D]

If you want to.

[C]

There's an easy way to prove this. Let me just duck.

[J]

Yeah.

[E]

So six of those.

[C]

And a Half.

[E]

Six and a half now, Francesca. Okay, so you're from Italy.

[C]

So you.

[E]

You're not that familiar with Thanksgiving or.

[D]

I have lived in the US For a long time now, and I have to say, I think Thanksgiving is so stupid. I think it is the stupid little holiday. What do you mean? Well, okay, so I work for Bed, Bath and Beyond, as we all know.

[E]

We all know you work for Bath and Beyond.

[D]

They open a new department called Bed of Bed and Holiday.

[E]

Okay, so what happened?

[C]

Beyond?

[D]

Well, this is just a offshoot of Bedbath and Beyond.

[C]

So when you go into Bed, Bath and Holiday, there's nothing beyond.

[D]

Everything is beyond.

[C]

Is this like the Metaverse?

[D]

Yes. Oh, okay. Everything is beyond that. But specifically, Bed better than Holiday. We specialize in only holiday stuff. So I have to work on the stupidest days, and people come in, oh, can I get a turkey?

[C]

Oh, can I get a turkey? Is that.

[E]

That might be their problem. They might be confused.

[D]

It's a lot of meat. A lot of what meat?

[C]

You like Bed. Okay, I realize they changed the name of the store.

[E]

Okay, so Bed, Bath and Holiday is kind of now a butcher shop.

[D]

Yes. So people come, you know, can I get a chicken? Order some stuffing.

[C]

Chicken isn't even Thanksgiving related.

[E]

It's kind of weird if they would want to. Unless it's like, maybe, but.

[D]

So anyway, everybody come back, oh, I want to return my turkey. It tasted like a witch. So if they buy a turkey and.

[C]

They can return it.

[D]

And of course, well, they try to return it, they come to me. I work in retards. They come, they say, oh, I try to eat this turkey. It tastes like wood. Cheap. Okay, I'm on the return it or I handle my. This mashed potato, it tasted like a bunch of little wood chip.

[E]

Are you guys advertising that you sell food and then selling people wood chips? Because that would y'.

[C]

All.

[D]

I mean, no, this is a high quality best bet in beyond the Style. It is the finest quality.

[E]

So you. So are you working on Thanksgiving? Is that what you're saying? You don't get to celebrate with your own family, Francesca.

[D]

Well, I. I don't want to celebrate with my husband, Keith.

[C]

Have we talked about Keith? I don't know that he's ever come up.

[D]

He's come up. I don't know that that's actually his name, but. Oh, but no, Keith.

[C]

In the Speed Force.

[E]

In the Speed Force, everything is canon.

[D]

It is always, oh, can you come to my family's house to spend Thanksgiving with my mom, Sandra, and my dad, Thomas?

[C]

Those you remember?

[D]

And I say, I think not this year. I think I work at Bed by the immune instead.

[C]

Oh, so you're picking up shifts?

[D]

Yes, I'm picking up. But really, you know, I would not go. I think Thanksgiving is so stupid. Why you have to be so grateful for your stupid life. Your life sucks.

[E]

Okay, but.

[D]

Okay, you have a bad life, but.

[E]

It'S kind of like, okay, you don't have anything to be thankful for.

[D]

Francesca, I am. I mean, I have a good life, so. But I doesn't mean I have to be. Do you?

[C]

You hate your husband.

[E]

You seem to be very upset job.

[C]

You hate me, I think.

[D]

Well, yes, but my life. My life is not as bad as, say, some guy named Brad who work at like a communications, some kind of financial place. Okay, that guy lives so stupid. Why, thank you for that.

[C]

Yeah, I guess so. But I guess I. I think everyone feels that way about their own life. Like, someone would look at you and go like, oh, my God, she's married to Keith with, you know, whose parents are Sandra and Thomas. Thomas. Right. You know, and she works at Bed Bath and Beyond. And why does she have to be thankful for her stupid life?

[D]

You know, my life is so good.

[C]

You should be thankful.

[E]

That's the perfect reason.

[C]

You want to be thankful, but you don't think anyone else in the world deserves to be thankful.

[D]

Exactly. Well, I think everybody here have really low standards for their lives. Their lives are so bad.

[E]

Okay, but. But so. So Scott, for instance. Yes, he's got a lot to be thankful for. He's got, you know, he's got a beautiful wife. He's got.

[C]

Back off, man.

[E]

Beautiful career.

[C]

Why is that where your mind goes immediately?

[E]

Scott has a lot going on. He's got a banging ass, great dogs, an incredible best friends. Yeah, like me.

[C]

Yeah, sure.

[E]

Okay, so you're saying Scott has nothing to be thankful for. I mean, that's crazy.

[D]

I think in Scott's mind he has a lot to be thankful for, but from outside his perspective, no, thank you. Okay.

[E]

This is a beach to be said.

[C]

On Thanksgiving on skatesgiving.

[D]

Oh, by the way, for Halloween this year, I want to tell you about.

[C]

My sexy costume year.

[E]

Sexy costume?

[D]

For Halloween this year I was a Denny Davido, but a sexy.

[C]

Oh, okay, so bald cap. Bald cap with hair in the back, I would imagine.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Like. But not in a specific role like the penguin or Louis from Matilda.

[E]

Oh, was that what he was at his sexiest.

[D]

I think. Yes.

[C]

Okay, so like, with a G string or.

[D]

No pains.

[C]

No pants at all. So He's Donald Duck.

[D]

Doesn't want. Yeah, Donald Duck style.

[E]

Hell.

[D]

So there's a top and no bottom.

[E]

Okay, so what did you do?

[C]

Did you make it from the waist down? I just wanted.

[E]

Did you have like a packing penis or something to make it look like.

[D]

This is clearly daddy packing peanut.

[E]

Packing penis. It's a press. It's a. It's a sex toy used in the lesbian community to simulate. Don't you. Aren't you guys thankful that you learned that piece of information?

[D]

I love it. That was the best information I ever learned. I still don't understand.

[C]

Are you simulating the. Because I would imagine you're using your own pubic hair and then putting a fake penis on top of it.

[D]

No pubic hair.

[C]

Oh, I don't need to know that.

[E]

Okay, okay. I didn't know that that was Daddy DeVito.

[D]

No, but in Sardinia, nobody have pubic hair. Everybody very small.

[E]

Yeah, you can't waste any like. Like surface area on pubic hair when you're that small.

[C]

Did you want to be Danny DeVito? Because he's almost. He's. How tall is he? He's like 2ft 3 or something like that.

[D]

He is a big guy.

[C]

Well, to you.

[E]

Yeah, he's huge. Francesca.

[C]

What?

[E]

So you like Halloween? Is Halloween a fun time? At.

[D]

At Halloween, I love. I take my son. We go to the different.

[C]

You have a son?

[E]

Wait, you never talked about your son?

[D]

Yeah, I ever talked about my son Again. I don't remember his name. He. No, my son name is Daniel.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Why do you say it like that?

[C]

You seem contemptuous of anyone else.

[E]

Anytime you say a name, it just seems like you're upset.

[D]

No, it's just a stupid American name.

[C]

Oh, did your husband force you to name.

[D]

Yes, he said my grandfather name. Daniel.

[I]

What did you.

[C]

What did you want? I mean, what's it like a Sardinian name?

[D]

For me, I would do something like.

[C]

What do you say? Is that two names or is that like one single gualina packagini?

[E]

Interesting.

[D]

Or Arancini.

[E]

That is a pretty tight name.

[D]

That's a pretty nice name.

[E]

What about Rudy?

[C]

No, they didn't say Rudy.

[E]

Rudy. How does it come off the tongue?

[D]

Rudy.

[H]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, you have this affectation, like you're imitating a dumb American when you say.

[E]

You did sound a little Cosby at that moment.

[C]

Rudy. No, Thanksgiving.

[D]

You know, Cosby's gonna get canceled right now. Yeah.

[E]

We can't talk about Cosby because you.

[C]

Realize that his name on the show wasn't just Cliff, it was Heathcliff.

[E]

It was like the famous cat.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

He was on the show. Wow.

[C]

He was on the Cosby Show.

[D]

Oh, no, I said he meant on the comedy bank making.

[I]

Oh.

[D]

But I'm thinking what? Because in your archives I thought may.

[E]

Oh, well, you know, don't listen to the archives. I wouldn't. The archives.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, Francesca, I'm sorry brought you here. I thought you'd be a person who'd be excited to come to dinner with me and Scott and record us.

[D]

I guess it is fine for me, you know, it's better than being with my family.

[C]

Yeah. Or at the store, I guess. Well, I mean, but you were pulled. It's not Thanksgiving for you in your reality. You were pulled from the middle of an episode.

[D]

I was pulled from the middle of my episode. Yes.

[E]

And how was that episode going?

[D]

Oh, so good. I get so many lives.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Everybody afterward going to tell me, wow, you blew me away. Scott's going to say, please come back. Please, please. Thank you.

[H]

I just.

[C]

I mean, I just show up and my producer is book guest.

[D]

Oh, please, Francesca, we need you to show this doing so badly. Will you please come back?

[J]

You are the.

[C]

Yeah, this sounds kind of.

[E]

It's kind of the kind of thing you do. You get down like sort of cuck.

[C]

Now, Francesca, I have low t. You.

[E]

Do have low tea. That's canon to speed force Now, Francesca.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

Bed, bath and holiday. Drowning out the holidays coming up with the December season coming around. You got Christmas, you got Kwanzaa.

[D]

Yes.

[E]

You got Hanukkah.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Boxing Day.

[E]

You got Boxing Day, you got New Year's, Boxing Day. How are things around the store in that time? Do you start to feel like people are returning less food and having more fun?

[D]

Wow. Such a good question.

[E]

I'm a great interviewer.

[D]

I think what happened usually about the Christmas time is everybod they say, oh, my gosh, we are. Things are going crazy for us. We need to come up with a ham for. Thank. Can you please give us a hand?

[E]

They need to come up with a ham for things.

[C]

So they're in a bind where they.

[E]

Something's going on where they need a.

[C]

Ham and they need to come up with it.

[D]

We have to come up with a ham as soon as possible.

[C]

There may be some ham shortage.

[E]

Are you sure you're not misinterpreting what these people. You think there's no language barrier thing going on? On?

[D]

Oh, no, I understand perfectly everything that they say.

[C]

What do you say back to them when they.

[D]

And I say, okay, I have something for you, you little stupid idiot.

[E]

So you say it at that volume.

[D]

And I keep them. I give them one of the bed, but then be on the hands bed better than be on the ham. And that's what it's called. And then they come back to me, oh, it tastes like a wood cheap. So can I get something else? Which for me at this point I'm like, why you keep coming back here, you guys? See you at Thanksgiving. I see you now again.

[C]

Sounds like they came once and then they were dissatisfied with the product so they came back again. That's why they came back.

[D]

Exactly.

[C]

They wanted their money back.

[D]

So I just tell them, listen, why not take your big fat stupid. I'm go fly into a river of blood and soak in the blood and die.

[E]

You know, Francesca, it sounds like you don't like your job.

[D]

I love my job. My favorite job.

[C]

Do they love you in it or are they just concerned that if they were to fire you, it would be like you're so short. Like it's almost like you have a disability.

[E]

Yeah, it's kind of like, are they.

[C]

Just keeping you on because it's kind.

[E]

Of illegal to fire you?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, they say to me, I honestly think they might not know I still work there.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[D]

My guys, I basically, I am in the deli inside of the counter.

[E]

So there's a deli.

[D]

So I kind of hanging out inside with meats and.

[C]

Which is like a mention to you.

[D]

It's huge. He smells so good. But my husband always, why you not come back home?

[E]

How big is your husband?

[D]

He is a 10ft.

[C]

10Ft tall.

[D]

10Ft.

[E]

This is a fucked up relationship. But you got to be thankful because you've got yourself a fine tall man.

[D]

I am very thankful because that is the number one most important thing for a woman. Find a tall man.

[C]

Yeah. Does he think you're a pet?

[D]

Pet?

[C]

Like does he. Are you married to him or does he think you're like a cat or something?

[D]

Well, he put me in his pocket. We kind of walk around the neighborhood. He show me off. He said, please don't touch. This is mine.

[E]

This sounds like. This sounds like a relationship.

[D]

These sounds are like a healthy men.

[A]

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[C]

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[D]

Wow.

[E]

Well, Francesca, thank you for being here. I didn't know you hated Thanksgiving. I wouldn't have pulled you here. I knew you hated things.

[D]

No, it's fine. I may hate to see you, but not Scott.

[E]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Geez, man, this is really putting a damper on my good time.

[E]

Sorry. You know what, Scott? Don't mind Francesca. She's here. She's gonna have a great time. Okay, Maybe I should pull.

[C]

Yeah. Get a good guest.

[E]

Let me get a good guess.

[H]

You know what?

[C]

Someone. I really.

[E]

But, I mean, you're a great guest, but I'm gonna get a hall of fame guest.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. Great.

[E]

Now we're gonna get a hall of fame guest. We're gonna get to really celebrate this thing. Let's get the family, Scott.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. The fam. Here we go.

[E]

Here we go. I'm running into the. Ah, my nose is bleeding this time.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[E]

Scott. I have Pulled from episode 641.

[C]

641. I'm trying to remember what was that?

[E]

Somewhere where you were. You were definitely not saying anything cancelable by that time.

[C]

No. Yeah.

[E]

He's one of your favorite guests. Scott. Dash, grab him. Is here.

[D]

Scott. Scott. Hi.

[E]

You remember Daz Grab, right?

[C]

Yeah, I remember. Dash. Grab him.

[J]

Yeah. Last time I left, I heard you shouting from the room. I don't know anything that guy just said. I'd rather he didn't come back. He was confusing. Is that really what happened when I left?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[J]

He thought he couldn't hear me, but I was hiding.

[C]

What? You were hiding? Yeah, like Jay Leno style or.

[J]

Who's that?

[C]

Oh. Oh, he's not a Pokemon. I saw your eyes light up.

[J]

I'll catch a Jay Leno and I'll add him to my collection.

[C]

Trying to think of what his strengths might be and his weaknesses.

[J]

Sounds like a denim type to me. Anyway, I do a lot of hiding. You gotta be hiding all the time.

[E]

Well, Dash, I'm sorry that's the way that episode ended, but I wanted to welcome you to Speedforce Thanksgiving.

[J]

Hey, thanks. Who are You.

[E]

Oh, I'm Rudy North. Of course.

[I]

Whoa.

[E]

You want to listen to my. Previously on.

[J]

What's that?

[E]

Never mind.

[C]

Yeah.

[I]

Yeah.

[E]

Now, Dash, thank you for being here. I wanted to introduce you to Francesca Bolognese.

[J]

Hi, Francesca.

[D]

Hi. Nice to meet you.

[E]

And now.

[J]

She's great.

[E]

She is, isn't she?

[J]

She's so small.

[C]

Yeah. She's about as big as a Pokemon, right?

[E]

Yeah, Dash.

[C]

Or maybe not. Maybe Pokemons are huge. I have no idea.

[J]

There. You know, you just described two different options for Pokemon. Some are big.

[C]

Yeah.

[J]

The world is wide and full of wonder. And each and every Pokemon is different and unique in its own way. But they all have lessons to teach us. If we're only wild, wise enough to listen.

[E]

Wow.

[C]

This guy sucks.

[E]

No, no, this is.

[J]

And then we take them and we make them fight in brutal battles against each other, scorching the earth beneath them, asserting dominance over each other to win trophy and money. Money prizes.

[E]

That's a lot to take in.

[J]

Sure.

[E]

Now, thank you for being here. I'm really happy to be here. Just wanted to repeat that for Scott.

[J]

I'm happy to be anywhere at all times.

[D]

I pretty medium about being here.

[E]

We know that, Freddie.

[C]

Jessica.

[E]

Now, what's your relationship to Thanksgiving? Dash, Are you a celebrator? Thanksgiving.

[C]

Do you have it in the canto region? That's where I'm from.

[E]

Scott, you remember, right? Scott, you look. You do like this guy.

[C]

There's a lot of innkeepers who have food.

[J]

They got food. Yeah, they got. There's a lot of hospitals. There's a lot of police stations. There's a lot of Italian restaurants where mob bosses hide. There's a lot of bushes that you cannot get through. Okay, I've seen bushes in this world, and you can just, like, go through those. Bad boys.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, you're bigger than a bush.

[E]

These are rock solid bushes.

[J]

You start to go through these bushes, you can't do it.

[E]

Okay, but what about Thanksgiving?

[J]

What's that? Oh, yeah, no, we don't have that. As I understand it, that's the holiday that y' all celebrate, where you sort of celebrate your sort of subjugation. Subjugation.

[E]

Problematic time in America.

[J]

Native people of this land that you then took, and they're like, can we have it back? And everyone thinks that that would be ridiculous for some.

[E]

Right, right. Well, today we're celebrating skanksgiving, so you don't gotta worry about any of that.

[J]

Oh, I tell you about my sexy Halloween costume.

[E]

Okay. Yeah, I guess. Where were you? I guess that yeah, let's hear about it.

[J]

I was. Sex. Sea bicycle.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

Sexy bicycle.

[J]

Yeah.

[C]

How does that.

[E]

How does that sound?

[J]

How did you know you got on a bicycle and you could suddenly go so much faster than you could before?

[C]

Okay. Yeah, we're waiting for the sexy part.

[J]

That's the. What do you mean?

[C]

That's the sexy part?

[J]

You can go so much faster than you could if you were just walking around. Because now you're a sexy bicycle.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Like, I don't think going fast is what you want in sex. I think, like, you usually want to go slow and long. You know, from what.

[J]

I'm going to be totally honest with you, so I am not 100% certain on, like, what sexiness is.

[C]

Oh, have you ever. I mean, have you ever been in a relationship dash or.

[J]

Yes.

[C]

I mean, because how old are you again?

[G]

12.

[C]

Right.

[E]

Okay, we should be talking. How do you think. How do people reproduce in Kanto region? I mean, is it something that you learn in school?

[J]

I'm not supposed to say. But you say I can say it.

[E]

Yeah, you can say it.

[J]

They.

[D]

Rudy.

[C]

Geez. What was Ash.

[E]

You can say it out loud.

[J]

That's how they do it.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Do you ever see people doing it?

[J]

I mean, they don't know I'm sneaking around.

[C]

Okay.

[J]

I'm not supposed to.

[D]

Gross.

[J]

Well, I don't do it. I don't purposely try to find people having sex, but as I said before, I'm always hiding. Yeah, well, sometimes you're in a place and people don't know you're there. I'm just trying to catch a zigzagoon. I'm just hanging out, trying to find a zigzagoon.

[E]

And then you're there all of a sudden. And then people start having sex. Ooh.

[J]

There's no one there.

[E]

Bad for two reasons.

[J]

One, now I gotta watch sex.

[E]

Two, you know, scared away all the zigzagoon.

[D]

Yeah, you seem to like the sex, though. You say they do. It's kind of fun.

[J]

No, I feel torn about it. On the one hand, I'm like, ew. On the other hand, I'm like, okay.

[C]

What'S the best sex you've. You've ever seen?

[J]

Okay, describe it. Apart from the zigzagoon part.

[C]

Yeah, I guess if the zigzagoon got in there, sure.

[J]

Well, it didn't. But then they left, and then I caught a zigzagoon.

[C]

Oh, okay. So that's what.

[J]

That was, the best sex. Because that sex ended with me having a zigzagoon.

[E]

Do I want to ask what a zigzagoon is? Yeah.

[J]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, you do.

[J]

So, I guess.

[E]

Okay.

[J]

What is the zigzagoon in your world? You know, like a right raccoon? Take the nose.

[E]

Okay.

[J]

Pull it out.

[C]

Okay.

[J]

Now, it's far away from where it was before. It's long and pointy. Now take the stripes. Run those bad boys all the way up and down that raccoon. Let's try from tip to tail.

[E]

Okay.

[J]

Now give it powers, Rudy.

[E]

Okay. I know my powers.

[J]

Powers.

[C]

Okay.

[G]

All right.

[J]

That's a zigzagoon.

[F]

Okay.

[E]

I guess I'd rather watch people.

[J]

I choose the zigzagoon.

[E]

You mean know.

[D]

I. What?

[J]

You know what I mean.

[C]

I don't.

[E]

No.

[J]

I choose a Zigzagoon every day.

[C]

Oh, God.

[E]

What does that mean?

[C]

Wait, Are you having sex with the zigzagoon enslaved?

[E]

Dash. You could say it.

[J]

I don't think so.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

Okay.

[C]

What are you doing with it? Because maybe you don't know what sex is.

[J]

I say zigzagoon scratch.

[E]

Okay.

[J]

I say zigzagoon dig?

[C]

Oh.

[J]

Shout it real loud.

[E]

Okay. Okay.

[J]

And then he does it.

[C]

Okay. Interesting. Do you still have Andy Richter in your Pokemon?

[J]

No. I did have a long conversation with Officer Jenny, who said, you can't take Andy Richter around with you in a little tiny void.

[C]

Right.

[E]

Actual humans.

[J]

Yeah. Yeah. Which I sort of knew. But it's one of those laws that. It's like, you got it as a Pokemon trainer. You got to push the boundaries. You want to be the very best, like no one ever was. You got to be willing to sort of break a few eggs. You want to make an all.

[C]

I know it's a more recent law, but. Yeah. You can't really keep humans anymore. You can keep animals, though, and make them do whatever you want. Usually, yeah.

[E]

Now, I kind of see you right now, sort of edging over to Franchesca with that little.

[C]

Yeah. With your Pokemon ball. What is it?

[E]

I don't think you should try to capture. She is a guest of ours.

[J]

Okay. But she's, like, so small.

[E]

I know.

[C]

She's very. She also doesn't have any pubic hair.

[E]

She doesn't have any. And, I don't know.

[D]

Talk about my pubic hair. Scott, you creep.

[C]

You talked about it.

[D]

What the Is it makes you look like a Pokemon?

[C]

Because Pokemons don't have pubic hair. Right?

[I]

Right.

[C]

Help me out here.

[J]

Some of them got so much stuff.

[D]

Like what?

[E]

Which ones?

[J]

The real fluffy Ones that's pubis, like Ursaring.

[E]

You know, you say some of these references, they kind of go over by Scott's head.

[J]

Sure.

[E]

But could you. Here's what I want to ask you, Dash, okay? Because I'm tired of talking about this Pokemon bullshit.

[J]

Yeah. Move on away from it, Dash.

[E]

It's Thanksgiving here in the Speed Force.

[C]

Skanksgiving.

[E]

Hashtag skanksgiving.

[J]

Hashtag Skanksgiving.

[E]

What do you have to be thankful for this season, Dash?

[J]

Well, I found something recently that I. That really changed my life a lot, Rudy. And I'm very, very thankful for it.

[E]

Legion.

[J]

In a way, it is now.

[E]

Okay.

[J]

I found rare candy.

[C]

You found rare candy?

[J]

I found rare candy.

[D]

Like, it's not cooked all the way through.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

You know that Like a well done Reese's Pieces that might be true.

[J]

I don't know what. What it is, and I don't know where it comes from. I find it in the weirdest places. Sometimes in boxes, sometimes in the corpses of Pokemon who I have defeated.

[E]

Did you bring any for our feast?

[J]

Yeah, you want some? Here, take some.

[E]

That's right.

[J]

You share food for Thanksgiving, right?

[C]

This is so rare.

[J]

Let me tell you, if you eat this, okay, you're gonna. Can I say it, Rudy?

[E]

You can say it.

[J]

You're fucking fantastic, boy.

[C]

Dash is growing.

[J]

It's gonna make you.

[C]

He's got that age right. It's really fun to cook.

[E]

In the Speed Force, time moves a little bit differently.

[J]

It's gonna make you feel strong.

[C]

Okay.

[J]

It's gonna make your bones grow.

[E]

Now, hold on.

[D]

I don't want that. I like being small. Yay.

[E]

Okay, Dash, this thing you put in front of us kind of looks like a couple lines of powder. And what are we supposed to do with this?

[J]

I think you put it right up your nose.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Should we. I mean, should we do something? I guess.

[C]

Yeah, I guess we should.

[J]

This is random. I went to a man in the corner, gave me this one. I said, do you have any rare candy? He said, nose candy? I said, yes.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

I don't want to insult Dash over here. Probably all right.

[E]

He'd be.

[D]

Oh, oh, oh. I think it's too much.

[G]

Okay.

[E]

Francesca.

[H]

Yo.

[C]

It's just a regular line, but to her, it's like a giant.

[D]

I cannot feel my tongue.

[J]

It's okay. That's your tongue and head leveling up.

[E]

I gotta say, I am feeling very good.

[C]

I feel really good right now.

[F]

This is good.

[D]

Good.

[C]

I mean, this is. This. SK Giving is looking up.

[E]

SK Is looking up. I feel like I came in very hot earlier. I was cooling off and I'm hot again.

[C]

You're hot as hell.

[J]

Super effective, Rudy.

[E]

Dash, I'm so glad you came through with that rare candy. Thank you so much for being here.

[J]

Pleasure. I also brought curry. It's the only thing we eat, really, most of the time. Curry, curry. Bunch of curry.

[C]

Okay, well, maybe.

[E]

What is that?

[C]

But if you have any more of that fun candy.

[I]

Yeah.

[E]

If you got any more of that red candy, like, stop holding out on me.

[J]

Well, I gotta give some of the things to give him, but you'll share what I got?

[C]

Okay, sure.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Okay.

[G]

But maybe.

[E]

Yeah, maybe me and Scott could put some money together and then you could go hit up your guy.

[C]

Your guy? Yeah. Who has all the. The guy in the corner. Where was he? He. Is he in the Kanto region?

[J]

I wish I could remember. No, he's here.

[C]

He's here. Okay, cool.

[E]

He's here. In the Speed Force.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay. Wait, I might know this guy. I might know this guy. This might be Black Racer, to be honest.

[C]

Okay, I don't want to see Black Racer.

[E]

You don't want to see Bro Cousin. And it's black because his costume is black.

[C]

Yeah. No, we're not. Not talking. No, no, no.

[E]

We're never saying anything like that. Oh, Dash. Bad you.

[G]

Thank you.

[E]

So, Dash, you are. You have brought in some energy that maybe Francesca did not bring in.

[D]

What the heck? Not in a problem.

[E]

You know, it might have been my fault. I might have pulled some of the wrong. You know, Scott, I haven't used my powers in a long time.

[D]

No.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

So I'm pulling people out.

[C]

I feel like I have powers right now.

[J]

You're probably pulling a group of people that were supposed to alienate Scott, make him feel alone.

[D]

No.

[J]

Oh.

[E]

Oh, is that what I was. Okay, that might have been the mistake.

[H]

Yes.

[C]

Because so far, with these first two guests, it seems like, you know, there's not. Not my favorite.

[E]

No, no. No longer.

[D]

Can you feel my leg?

[H]

Okay.

[E]

You'll be okay, Frances. You'll be okay. Just lean up against that matchbox now. Okay, you know what?

[D]

Here.

[C]

Here's a little champagne. You know, one of those things you twist off of the. Just sit on this.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, you mean a cork?

[C]

Yeah, no, not a cork, but the little metal thing.

[D]

The little metal thing.

[C]

Yeah. This is like a beef champagne.

[J]

It does look like a tiny stool when you take off the top of the champagne.

[E]

Exactly.

[D]

Thank you so much.

[J]

Can I have the champagne?

[E]

Dash, you can have a little Bit of champagne. Just because it's the holiday.

[J]

I'm going to drink all of it. Okay.

[E]

All right. Do whatever you want. Wow. Okay. You know what Scott? I'm actually. I might have fucked up.

[C]

Really?

[E]

I might have fucked up. I was underestimating the level of guests that we need in order to have a successful Thanksgiving special.

[C]

OK so. But now you're going to course correct.

[E]

Now you're going to course correct. I'm not gonna get Jason Mansukas just yet.

[C]

Okay. All right.

[E]

But I am gonna bring one of your all time faves.

[C]

Oh boy.

[E]

Here we go. I'm gearing up to run into the speed for.

[C]

Here we go.

[E]

Okay. I hit my toe when I was coveted.

[D]

Woo.

[J]

All right.

[C]

Everything's huge and red.

[F]

It is.

[E]

It's like it is throbbing like one of them Tom and Jerry cartoons.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

But it's going to be all worth it because Scott, I brought one of your best friends. Buck Tango. Scott.

[F]

Who?

[H]

Hey, it's it.

[C]

Hello. It's me.

[H]

Buck Tango.

[E]

Tango.

[I]

We.

[H]

This is. You know I. I'd hate to. I hate to say this this way. Rudy. You did you up.

[E]

What do you mean?

[H]

I mean I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to see you. We know each other. But I met Scott one time.

[E]

Oh wait.

[C]

No no.

[E]

I thought. I thought you guys were great friends.

[C]

I mean I repeat for a third.

[H]

Time who you might remember me as well. Last time I saw you, you were coming from my mech. I built a mech and that was.

[E]

Like my whole coming from his mech.

[C]

I'm gonna switch my question to what?

[H]

So therein lies the problem. We were having a real back and forth a tete. A tete if you will with the sparks. With the Sparks brothers and Edgar Wright and Jack Furze was also there. Oh yeah.

[C]

The night or he takes pictures of.

[H]

He takes pictures of the night Wolf. And I came in with a. I came in hot with an announcement. I thought I was gonna blow the roof off. Very well.

[C]

You told.

[E]

Wait, wait. You told him about your crazy announcement? He was not interested.

[H]

They, they. If you could believe it, nobody in the room knew what I was talking about.

[E]

Okay.

[H]

Nobody understood what a mechanic you have.

[C]

To drop it on his older white guys.

[H]

I didn't realize that trying to explain what a Mech was to two 70 year olds was going to be an issue.

[D]

72.

[E]

Okay. Francesca. Now Scott, this is my friend. He's building a mechanics.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

We're homies.

[H]

We're homies.

[E]

Buck Tango Rudy. Doors pictures are. Are Are storied.

[C]

Okay.

[H]

Everyone's always talking about the classic times that Rudy and Buck had.

[C]

Okay. I mean, I kind of remember you.

[E]

I, I. You, you.

[C]

What is it? You have a. You, you. You're building an exoskeleton because people.

[H]

Yeah. Mechanize a mechanism. Galvanized exoskeleton. Because of my slight frame. I am twee. I'm a bit of a. I'm made. Yeah. I'm really, really small.

[C]

What do you. But what do you think, Francesca? I mean, he looks huge.

[D]

Five, six, massive person. He is like. Yeah.

[E]

Compared to Francesca, you're just adorable.

[C]

Tear your ass up, Francesca.

[D]

What the.

[E]

Scott, hold up, man. We can't get canceled up in here.

[H]

Can't speak of that.

[E]

I. I did up because I brought you here because I thought you guys were friends. I'm like bringing books once.

[C]

I barely even remember anything we talked about.

[H]

If I remember correctly, you said to you that you told me, see you in 2036. I'll see you in 15 years.

[C]

Right, well, that's.

[E]

It's kind of 2036.

[H]

Well, that's the thing. I have a. If I could. If I could.

[I]

Yeah.

[H]

What's the announcement to me. I brought something to Skanksgiving and I'd like to announce that I brought it.

[C]

Okay.

[H]

Now.

[E]

Now we're talking. Oh, wow, Scott, this is going to get your shit going.

[C]

All right. Well, yeah. I mean, I haven't a great time here today.

[E]

No, you're having a good time so far.

[C]

This is kind of a disappointment.

[D]

Best time of your life so far.

[J]

I brought rare candy. You look so much less old than you did when we started.

[E]

Yeah, the rare candy was a good part.

[D]

So old today, Scott. I don't know what was going on.

[H]

Have you been to any weird beaches lately, Scott?

[C]

Okay, what's this one that Bette Midler was at?

[H]

That is one.

[E]

Weird.

[C]

That's so weird. Anyway. What. What do you got?

[H]

Well, I'll just get right to it. I. You know, in the Speed Force, I've completed my mech. I. I went back to the drawing board and I completed it.

[D]

What the is a mech?

[J]

You guys don't know what a mech is?

[C]

Oh, okay. Dash.

[E]

Dash.

[J]

Jesus, these are so cool.

[H]

This is what I needed. I needed the, The. The spirit of the youth to hear my announcement. It was. We had some problems with the last one.

[G]

It was.

[H]

It made me look smaller than I actually was.

[C]

Oh, yeah. You had to crouch to get in.

[H]

And it looked like I was sitting on a toilet. It Was not very.

[C]

It basically was like a toilet with like a suit of armor.

[H]

Yeah. But it accentuated my, my. If I can be frank for one sec. We're all friends here. My sweet Juicy. Can it make my ass look gigantic?

[C]

You're one of several people that I've had on the show recently who have giant asses.

[H]

Look, they're. They're. They're all their age. If you don't got one, you gotta get one.

[C]

Meanwhile, like a week ago, we had someone with the flattest ass I've ever seen.

[D]

Whom?

[C]

This guy Maurice, who was on like about a week ago or so. Anyway.

[H]

Yeah, well, you know what? Good luck, Maurice out there.

[E]

Well, Maurice isn't here. Buck Tango is here.

[C]

That's right.

[H]

Yeah, but.

[C]

Well, to be honest, I didn't like Maurice either.

[E]

Okay, cool, cool, cool.

[H]

If I could just unpack that for a second. Which guests do you like?

[E]

Yeah, Scott, the ones.

[C]

Look, even the ones who have been on several times. I don't even like that. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

[D]

Kayla. Dicky.

[E]

Kayla.

[C]

Dicky's. Okay, I. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. What.

[D]

Let me think of some more.

[E]

Now, now, Buck, you brought. Do you want to do a demonstration? Do you want to show us what this mech can do?

[H]

Well, I showed up in it. I'm in it.

[E]

Oh, you're in it right now.

[H]

You are. Okay, so this is a. You can't.

[C]

You're wearing a three piece suit right now.

[H]

Well, yeah, it's under. It's underneath.

[C]

Oh, okay. So you. Tailored suit over your mech.

[H]

Exactly. I didn't wanna. Oh, by the way, real quick, can I tell you guys about my sexy Halloween costume?

[I]

Before.

[J]

I was a bicycle and Francesco.

[H]

Okay, I was Optimus Prime. I was really in the mech zone. So I was like. I had robots on the brain and so when I transformed, though, I'm not a car, I'm just a huge rod. Just a huge piece.

[E]

So you're Optimus prime that transforms into a dick.

[H]

Yeah, that's right.

[C]

A dildo. Or like a fish. Fleshy dick question, Scott.

[H]

Thank you for asking. No, great question. It did. I. Yeah, it. I grew. I grow flesh. I'll throw on the outside. It flips inward and then it becomes. Yeah.

[C]

So flesh on the inside. So every. Every piece just flips.

[I]

Yeah.

[H]

So you can imagine.

[C]

I'd rather not.

[D]

That just sounds like my husband Keith. I can tell that you the biggest waiver.

[E]

Francesca, if you keep rolling your eyes that hard, you are going to break them.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Now, Now.

[C]

So. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to do a demo of this? What?

[H]

I mean, there's not a whole lot to it. It's just. It's an exoskeleton, so it acts as part of your body, but mechanical. So I.

[C]

Okay, I'm.

[H]

You know.

[C]

So do you want to take off your suit and show us what it looks like?

[H]

Yeah, I'll just. You know, it's a sort of tearaway suit. I'll just tear it up.

[C]

Oh, okay. Yeah, there we go. Billy Flynn style. Okay.

[H]

Yeah, I don't have time.

[C]

Oh, you know, mask. It's clear and plastic.

[H]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And you're not wearing anything underneath.

[H]

Okay.

[C]

I mean, it doesn't count as clothes.

[J]

You can't wear clothes underneath a mech sky. How is it supposed to interface to your neural system if you wear clothes? You look so old.

[I]

Dash. Dang.

[H]

What happened?

[C]

Okay, well, at least paint it.

[H]

Paint it.

[E]

I also gotta say, it looks like the way it's connecting to your neural system is through you squatting and those wires coming out of your buttle.

[C]

Yeah, it just looks like you're squatting again.

[H]

Okay, interesting. Where would you plug in a mechanical? Smart asses.

[E]

No.

[C]

I guess you only have so many holes.

[H]

I got maybe the ear. I can think of.

[D]

Liz, your bottle powered the whole thing.

[H]

Well, it doesn't power the whole thing. It goes into the. That's the only way I can get to the. The nervous system, I guess.

[C]

In the Matrix they drill the hole in the back of the head and they attach that thing, you know, but I misremembered that.

[H]

Oh, damn it.

[C]

You just thought they used it in the butthole.

[H]

I forgot. I remember when Keanu is in the.

[C]

Goo, he was naked.

[D]

Yeah.

[H]

He's nude in the goo. And he's all.

[C]

He's.

[H]

He's very frail in this part of.

[C]

The movie, by the way. I think that goo came from him. I think like.

[H]

You think the goo came from him?

[C]

Yeah, I think he was like.

[D]

He brought his own goo from home.

[J]

Where'd he get it?

[E]

Well, we can't say to you, but he just.

[J]

Maybe it's the champagne talking. I'd rather put it up my butt than have someone drill a hole in the back of my neck.

[D]

I don't have a butthole, so I don't know what I will.

[C]

You don't what? This is. Talk about this.

[D]

I know. Women have no butthole.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[G]

I did.

[C]

Women have no butthole.

[H]

I had heard that before.

[J]

That makes sense. That tracks for me.

[D]

I am the only woman here. I'm the only one who know that that's true.

[E]

You know what?

[C]

We have more women.

[E]

We got to believe women. Got to believe women. I did try to grab some other women. Very difficult.

[H]

All the men try to not grab them.

[E]

Yeah. You know what? Let's not isolate what I just said. Not Dash. Thank you for finishing the mech before.

[H]

So you're back to dash, done with Buck.

[E]

Buck. Buck. Thank you for finishing the mech before. Yeah, I thought Thanksgiving names, by the.

[C]

Way, almost as yours was inspired by his.

[H]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't say. I wouldn't say that. I. Names are similar. Yeah, some names are similar.

[J]

I don't think they share a single letter.

[C]

No, no, but like the. The. The way. The syllables and the way you say them. Dash, grab them. Buck, Tango.

[H]

Yeah. Sean diston also is in there.

[C]

That's a name. I got to meet that guy.

[E]

Interesting guy.

[H]

One of my favorite actors.

[J]

You're talking first syllable, one syllable. Name, two syllables. Second. I'm near.

[C]

Go to bed.

[E]

You know what? You could curl up.

[H]

You know what? Maybe have a little more rare candy that'll. That'll set.

[J]

You don't mind if I snoop?

[E]

Okay. Now, Buck, thank you for finishing the mech, but did you bring the. The pumpkin pies and stuff that I asked you to make?

[C]

Yeah. I'm so hungry right now.

[H]

No.

[C]

Well, I don't know what it is about this candy, but it's like, I'm starving.

[G]

It's like.

[H]

So that's. The mech is supposed to help me in the kitchen, sort of. I'm not a very good inept cook, so I was going to, you know, put this.

[F]

The.

[H]

The exoskeleton on and get to baking, but I forgot all my ingredients.

[C]

Oh, God.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Did the suit pick other things in the kitchen?

[H]

That was ingredients. I brought a whisk. One whisk.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[H]

I brought an air fryer. Not really helpful for when making a pie. You probably could make a pie in there.

[C]

I guess we could put some of this candy.

[E]

Yeah, we put some of that stuff.

[J]

If you need stuff.

[E]

What else did you bring for your kitchen?

[H]

Oh, what else did I bring? I brought the microwave. I brought an empty ice cube tray. I brought the Brita filter. But we don't have the filter. Only not the.

[C]

The Brita. Yeah, we don't have any food to put that stuff into. Or put.

[H]

And so none of that's edible, huh?

[I]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

What kind of food would you put in a fucking Brita? Filter. Filter.

[C]

Scott.

[J]

Soup. You got filter soup?

[E]

You got to get out of Scott's face for the listeners. Francesca jumped up on Scott's knee and started getting in his face.

[C]

Like, by the way, like, we took the candy and we were pretty cool.

[E]

I'm pretty chill.

[C]

She's got worse.

[E]

What's up with you, Francesca?

[D]

Now I am in on Scott's shoulders, giving him a massage.

[C]

God, you look like the angel or devil.

[H]

Yes. Stop switching sides and changing costumes.

[D]

He said I am good. He said I am bad.

[C]

Stay on the bad side.

[D]

Now, Buck.

[E]

I mean, this is a. I gotta say, you were supposed to bring it home here. I thought that.

[H]

I know there's not a lot to me, there's a lot of. There's sort of.

[C]

You know, we've exhausted our questions.

[H]

Yeah, there's. There's not a lot for me to.

[C]

You're a guy who makes a mech. We're not interested in the mech.

[H]

And that's it.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

You look like you have wires coming out of your butthole and a clear mech.

[H]

And even that. And even that's not enough. Yeah.

[D]

I have a question. Do you think that maybe your personality is so lacking that you thought you need the mech or you. You know, maybe you're using the mech to cover up for your personality?

[H]

You sound like my mom.

[D]

Exactly. I added questions around here. Nobody else.

[H]

I'm saying in a. In a nice. In a, you know, in a maternal way. She does say that. Hey, maybe you're pretty personality. You think you gotta. You gotta build this mech so people like you. You're great on your own. And I say, shut up, Mom. But now I'm hearing it for you. It's starting to change my tune a little bit.

[D]

So maybe you don't need a stupid mech.

[H]

Yeah, well, I worked really hard.

[E]

How do we build a mech for your personality? Yes.

[C]

What do we have an emotional mech?

[J]

Oh, I don't mean to be a devil's advocate here, but where I'm from, mech solve a lot of problems. Okay. That can only be solved by Megs.

[G]

Where.

[H]

And where are you from exactly?

[C]

I'm in the Kanto region. Yeah. Maybe you should go live there.

[H]

I wouldn't mind. I. A change of scenery, you know?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, your mom probably couldn't go. Oh, well.

[I]

Yeah.

[E]

Sorry.

[C]

This guy loves his mom.

[E]

I think it's cute how much he loves.

[H]

I told you. I got.

[E]

You are made. That's what that. That cursive tattoo on your arm says.

[H]

It's. It's across my Knuckles.

[E]

No. Yeah. You know what, Scott? I feel like I've. I failed you so far, Scott. I feel like I brought some guests and they're great, of course, but they're not the caliber of guests for a Thanksgiving.

[C]

Bring this home. We gotta get.

[J]

We gotta really happening here.

[E]

You know what?

[H]

It kind of sucks that you're talking about us right to our face.

[G]

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[E]

Yeah, toasted.

[G]

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[E]

Oh, that's good.

[G]

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[C]

Hi, I'm Jenny Slate and believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

[G]

I'm Gabe Liedman.

[C]

I'm Ma Silvestri and we've been friends for 20 years. And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

[F]

It's called I need you guys.

[C]

Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

[D]

Can I drink the water at the hospital?

[G]

My landlord plays the trombone and I.

[E]

Can'T ask him to stop.

[D]

You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

[B]

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[E]

Okay, you know what, Scott? I have an idea. I don't think I could pull someone from your past. Scott. Oh, I need to pull someone from an alternate dimension. Scott.

[C]

Oh, an alternate dimension. Okay, like the multiverse.

[E]

Yes.

[H]

Another dimension.

[J]

Like a Hawaiian region?

[D]

No, no, like a dimension where it's only Bed, Bath and Beyond.

[E]

Well, there's that ex part, like things.

[J]

You know, but everything's Hawaiian.

[E]

But no, Scott, there was a guest.

[D]

Why he only talked to Scott because.

[E]

It'S kind of the only way to keep this character.

[G]

Go.

[C]

Don't say my name.

[D]

Even.

[E]

Even now.

[J]

He responded to Scott. Francesca asked him the question.

[E]

Thank you, Francesca. But, Scott, I think there's someone that you want to see that recently was banned from the show.

[C]

Well, if they've been banned from the show, they can't be on the show anymore. So, you know.

[E]

You know who can be Scott? His counterpart in CBB World 2.

[C]

Oh, the parallel CBB world.

[E]

That's right, Scott. We know that there are.

[C]

With minor differences.

[E]

Yes, that's right, Scott. We know that there are infinite CBB worlds, and in CBB World World 2, it's exactly the same. But this guest is not banned from the show.

[C]

That's the only difference in CBB World 2.

[E]

That's right, Scott. Also. Yes, and also, Barack Obama was president for 12 years.

[C]

Oh, awesome.

[E]

Pretty great.

[C]

He FDR'd it.

[E]

He totally fdred it. But I'm gonna bring him. Scott.

[C]

Okay. You didn't disappear. You're just taking a shit right now. Yeah, yeah. Hold up.

[D]

What a mess.

[C]

Oh, God.

[J]

Okay.

[E]

All right. Okay.

[H]

I can't do that.

[E]

You know what, Scott? I feel like the only way to pull him from the other dimension is if we all go to sleep.

[F]

You're all asleep. You've all fallen asleep here in the speed forest. You're asleep. And it is I, Morpheus.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[F]

Morpheus, the lord of dreams.

[E]

Morpheus, the lord of dreams.

[F]

Morpheus 2.

[C]

Morpheus from CBB World. Morpheus.

[F]

So CBB Rule 2. But my name there is Morpheus, too. Oh, children, when they speak, is that T O O? Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[J]

Is there a first one?

[F]

Not here. It's a confusing name. Yeah, it implies. It implies that there was things before, but those things shall not be spoken of God.

[C]

Morpheus, it's so good to see you. I mean, you got voted off of the show by.

[F]

So I heard. Not me. Oh, a different Morpheus.

[E]

Right?

[H]

Yeah.

[F]

So here's when there are several Dream Lords, one for each aspect of the universe. And whenever one of them perishes or is voted off in a Survivor like game show, they have to upload their files to Dropbox and then the other morphei. Okay, Read the Dropbox files and catch up. So I've read all about what happened to you.

[E]

Fully caught up there.

[F]

Not only that, I went down a real rabbit hole of, like, CBB episodes.

[E]

Oh, that's great.

[C]

Okay. What do you think?

[F]

Other.

[C]

You know, the ones before 600 are a little dicey.

[J]

Maybe don't want to.

[F]

Listen, they're not wor. Going into.

[E]

I don't think But I had a.

[F]

Good old time, so made some corrections on the wiki.

[E]

You know, would it be cool if we just treated you like the Morpheus Dream Lord we knew?

[F]

Not worry about any sort of differences and pretend like I was the same person.

[C]

Fine with me.

[E]

Okay, that's great. But wait a minute. Are we in a dream right now?

[F]

You are in a dream of the Speed Force. I can only be seen by people who are asleep. I only exist in people's dreams. Did you, by the way, you see me? You are dreaming.

[J]

Is that hard?

[C]

We're people.

[F]

What's that? Is it that hard for me?

[J]

Cuz what if you want to, like, have a birthday party, but everyone wakes up?

[C]

That's what.

[F]

I could only have people who are sleeping come to my birthday party. Thank you, young man. That is very empathetic of you to appreciate sometimes.

[E]

I want Dash. This is.

[F]

I know Dash. Well, I know from his dreams, but.

[C]

The Dash of CBB World too.

[E]

Yes.

[F]

It's not you.

[J]

Okay?

[F]

I love an unbothered spirit.

[C]

Were people dreaming on October 31st this year?

[F]

Yes. Why do you ask?

[C]

Oh, I was just wondering if you dressed up at all.

[E]

Oh, yes.

[F]

I'm dressed up right now.

[C]

Oh, you're still dressed up.

[F]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. You don't recognize my costume?

[C]

No. Who are you? I can't quite place it. Maybe things are different on CBB World.

[F]

Yes, it could be different. I am. Let's see. Sexy, sexy Bugs Bunny.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

Oh, so sexy Bugs Bunny, but a.

[C]

Sexy version of that.

[E]

The.

[F]

The two sexies cancel each other out and I'm just regular sexy Bugs Bunny. Is just regular Bugs.

[C]

You're not even wearing the dress that Bugs Bunny wore.

[F]

Doesn't make any sense. Once I. You put on a second dress and they cancel each other out and you just packed a regular Bugs Bunny.

[C]

Interesting.

[F]

That's why I have the ears. You see the ears?

[E]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

I thought that's why you have the ears.

[E]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that was just Morpheus's thing, that he had bugs ears or something.

[C]

Well, also, you're wearing your cloak and it's, you know.

[F]

Oh, yes. Let me move my hood back.

[C]

There you are. Yeah.

[E]

Morpheus, this is Francesca Bolognese.

[F]

Oh, greetings.

[C]

Hey.

[D]

Nice. So nice to meet you.

[F]

You are asleep, young lady. I hope that doesn't bother you.

[D]

That's why that creepy thing to do to me.

[C]

You Cosby.

[E]

Have we talked about this?

[H]

That you.

[F]

I wouldn't appreciate that.

[C]

I don't think that's right. What's The Bill Cosby of 6 CBB World 2 doing it's worse.

[F]

No, no, you don't want to know. He's not only. He did all the things he did here and his old albums are bad.

[E]

No, that sucks.

[F]

You know what I mean? It's like not. It's not even the art and the situation that sucks. It's actually better for that.

[J]

Actually makes it easier. Yeah.

[E]

Wasn't that hard to cancel the guy.

[F]

But that's why, Francesca, you'll see here you are 10ft tall.

[E]

Tall.

[F]

Cuz you are the person of your dreams.

[D]

Wow. But I. I actually am realizing I don't want to be this tall. I like being small.

[C]

This is a nightmare for you.

[F]

Seems sort of a contrarian spirit is what I'm picking up on. Sort of feel like I gave you your heart's desire and you're kind of bummed about it.

[D]

Stupid to me because.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Part of the reason actually that me and my husband Keith are so.

[F]

Do you not like him?

[J]

I.

[E]

Yes.

[D]

This just has.

[F]

I only know of him from your dreams of him.

[D]

He's. He is love of my life. I love him so much. But the way that we have sex is like going through his pocket and then I do all the stuff too. He's thick. His dick is so big.

[C]

What is it like two inches?

[D]

He said two. No, one in a three quarter.

[C]

Oh my God. Huge.

[D]

He's a massive. Bigger than yours.

[E]

Yeah, for sure.

[D]

Anyway, so yes, for me now I'm kind of rethinking. How do I have sex with my husband? This must be.

[F]

Well, this is only in your dreams. And you wake up, you'll be back in your. In your regular bio.

[D]

Oh, thank God. Okay.

[F]

Hey, is it okay if I ask a couple questions about pop culture? Because I only know TV and movies when people dream about.

[E]

Right.

[F]

And it's confusing.

[J]

Oh, okay.

[F]

So when I get it.

[J]

Sometimes when I dream about a movie, I dream about it the way I want it to be, not the way it actually is.

[F]

Those are the only movies that I can watch.

[B]

Right.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

So ask us anything.

[I]

Okay.

[F]

There's a television show and it's got something to do with poor people in crime Korea competing in a murderous game for money. Parasite, maybe? Perhaps. Yes. It sounds like. Yeah.

[C]

Class.

[F]

It's a lot of commentary on class. People.

[E]

Squid game.

[F]

Oh, that sounds right. It could be that. But everybody is a grandmother and they're naked the whole time.

[C]

Oh, I mean, you're thinking of squid game. But. But I think someone's mixing up. Mixing up their Own grandmother game that I've seen.

[F]

It's naked. It's.

[E]

I can't.

[F]

I can't stop watching it. You know, I keep thinking it's moving too slow, but I binge right through it.

[J]

The squid game I saw is when a tentacool and a tentacool play water polo together.

[F]

Okay, yes, I've seen that's. I've seen that episode.

[C]

So you've dreamed about that, but it's pinpoint actor.

[J]

That's not a dream. That's the real squid game that I watched.

[C]

Right, yeah, but you've dreamed about it if he's seen it.

[J]

Oh, yes, I guess so. I mean, it was quite a match. Sorry.

[E]

Not at all sorry. You know what?

[C]

After they'd say anything. She said sorry.

[J]

Yeah.

[E]

Dash. Just had a little to drink tonight. It is a little.

[J]

I had a haul of the champagne bottle.

[F]

All of it. Good for you. Good for you. A man without vice is a man without virtue.

[E]

Now, Morpheus.

[C]

Sorry.

[E]

You live in the dream dimension, of course.

[F]

Correct.

[C]

What is it?

[F]

I administer the dream dimension.

[E]

You administer.

[F]

It is my responsibility.

[D]

That is a. So creepy.

[E]

That's so creepy.

[C]

It's like a live work situation.

[F]

That's correct.

[E]

What is your relationship with the holiday of scandal? Skanksgiving?

[F]

Is it something deep and intimate? You celebrate my favorite holiday. Skanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

[E]

Interesting.

[F]

Yes, that's right.

[C]

Do people have very vivid dreams on Thanksgiving?

[F]

Thanksgiving is when we are closest to the dream world.

[J]

Whoa.

[F]

Dressing in sexy costumes for a month brings us ever so close to our primal thoughts and desires. Thanksgiving is a sacred time in the dreamscape.

[E]

And the tryptophan from the turkey probably helps too, huh?

[C]

Oh, yeah. Everyone's asleep.

[F]

You know it, pal.

[D]

But what are the traditions of us? Thanks.

[C]

Is that hard for a.

[F]

For a tiny Italian? You're temporarily big, so it'd be easy for you.

[D]

Now, Thanksgiving, what are the traditions? Is the same as a Thanksgiving, or.

[F]

No, no, no. Very different. Very. For skanks giving. You go around and say what you're most slutty for.

[C]

Oh, man, that's a long way.

[F]

Okay, so that's. That's a little bit different. You dress. Of course. You're dressed in a sexy Halloween costume. That would. For a month.

[C]

By the way, we haven't talked about our costumes. No, no, no, no. I mean, I'm. I'm sexy Native American, obviously. The feathered headdress around my ass.

[F]

Well, there's several things that could ruin you in that costume.

[H]

No, Scott's uncancelable here.

[E]

The Speed Force is uncancelable. What a love.

[C]

What are you though? I can't quite tell.

[E]

I am sexy Scott Aukerman. Oh, okay.

[C]

I wonder. The sweater.

[E]

The G string painted all those old.

[J]

Old lines on your face.

[E]

Yeah, exactly.

[D]

That's why your dick is so small.

[E]

Well, yeah, exactly. That is why my dick is.

[F]

It does seem you went out of your way to let us know that you have a small dick in that costume. There's like the little outline on the pants.

[E]

I had to go all out.

[F]

But another holiday of Skanksgiving is to play ska bands who like to skank. So it's only ska music on Skanksgiving.

[H]

Like which ones?

[F]

Let's see. Mepha Scoffeles.

[C]

Are we talking second wave?

[J]

Third wave?

[F]

Well, what are we talking in the dreamscape? It's only the dreams of these SCA bands. All waves would be welcome. But also just the dreams of them.

[D]

Like a pie tasters.

[C]

Are they a band? So when you just dreamy about people.

[F]

Tasting pie, is that the thing we're bloodiest for?

[H]

I know I didn't bring my pie, so don't rub it in everyone's face.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

I also do have some delicacies that are only exist in dreams.

[C]

Oh, I love that. I'm so hungry right now.

[F]

Not like turkey or.

[C]

I'm so surprised we went to sleep. We had so much of that rare candy.

[E]

Yeah. But you know what? I am fucking. I know that my body is twitching right now.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

I'm grateful for it because I wouldn't be able to see you unless you were unconscious. Here's a delicacy. This is. This is. This has not existed except since the old times pre history delicacy.

[J]

Whoa.

[F]

These only existed. This is extinct dreams. Yes. That had been talked about and passed down through oral history.

[C]

Through the oral tradition.

[F]

That's correct. So they only live in very few people's dreams. But I have it for you here.

[C]

Let us ask it.

[E]

What is it?

[F]

Banana bread.

[C]

Oh, no, we.

[E]

No, we. That's.

[C]

Maybe it's different on CBP world too.

[E]

Okay. Yeah.

[F]

Dash don't have that most exotic of desserts here. Probably only in ancient Persia, the oldest of the.

[J]

It's not curry.

[F]

Okay, well, enjoy the banana bread. I've got.

[C]

Thanks. No, we have it.

[H]

We have actually sort of lack of choice treats.

[D]

She at a bit better and beyond bed. Better banana bread.

[C]

By the way. This tastes like wood chips right now.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

The way banana bread is supposed to be in dreams.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

All right. Here's a Second delicacy. This is an ancient one from an undersea kingdom whose records have been lost to modern times.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[F]

Mike and Ike's candy.

[J]

Okay.

[F]

Little boxes. Pass them around. Put.

[C]

Wait. Mike and Ike were Atlantean?

[F]

Yes, Mike and I correlate Atlantean. This is a delicacy only the kings and queens of Atlantis would enjoy. Mike and Ike's.

[C]

We have these.

[E]

These are pretty.

[C]

We have these. Oh, they're not good.

[F]

Okay, well, never mind. Well.

[J]

Okay.

[F]

Can you.

[E]

Dash. Can you calm down? Everything you bring out Dash is just going nuts for.

[C]

I mean, he's having a great time.

[E]

Okay, you're welcome.

[F]

I'll just take them and re. Gift them if you need or whatever.

[C]

I don't think. I don't think I could even give these away, honestly.

[E]

Yeah, I can't either.

[F]

Yeah, you can. Guys really are open with what you think about things in front of people, but. All right, no problem. Final delicacy. Just enjoy. This only existed before there were humans. Before there were living creatures on Earth, when it was old ones.

[J]

Like a fossil.

[F]

Like a fossil.

[J]

Like a kabuto.

[F]

That's correct. This is a tuna noodle casserole.

[C]

Oh, God, these things stink so much.

[J]

This one sucks.

[E]

Okay, I gotta throw this back into the speed.

[C]

All right, well, think about. He's mad at you.

[F]

You take some Campbell's, you know, cream of mushroom, Campbell soup.

[H]

There's soup in this?

[C]

Yeah.

[H]

Yeah.

[E]

You ruined the soup and the tuna. Oh, my God, Buck, it looks like you're throwing up inside your bag.

[J]

There's.

[H]

It's a real mess in here. I'm sorry. It's clear.

[E]

It's. That's disgusting to see you.

[D]

Anyway.

[E]

I going to say to bring. I asked you to bring Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, and this is the bullshit that you.

[F]

This is the finest delicacy.

[E]

You know what, Morpheus? I'll allow you to continue to live in our own universe from today on. Oh, I love it. I love it has returned.

[F]

I love respecting continuity.

[C]

Yeah. I would love it if he came back to CBB World One with us. I mean, I'd like to have Morpheus back on the show.

[E]

Morpheus. Well, we'll bring you back to CBB World One, but I. I gotta say, you didn't deliver today.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

I appreciate your honesty. And you are welcome in the Dreamscape anytime you sleep.

[E]

Oh.

[D]

All right.

[C]

I mean, that's kind of your job.

[F]

I can't.

[H]

It's like.

[C]

You're welcome to go into Bed Bath and Beyond anytime you want to go.

[F]

Yeah, you're welcome here. You're welcome.

[D]

Scott, please. No, we don't want you there.

[F]

You're all welcome here.

[E]

Oh, can we wake up?

[F]

Yeah. Yeah, let's do it.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[E]

That was a crazy dream.

[F]

You're back asleep real quick.

[E]

Okay, just.

[F]

I'm going to keep listening, and whenever I want to talk, you'll just fall asleep real quick.

[E]

You're wake.

[F]

You're awake.

[C]

You're awake.

[E]

Damn it.

[C]

Went back to sleep for just like two seconds. It felt like.

[E]

Scott, I'm so sorry, because it's coming towards the end of Speed Force Thanksgiving right now, and I feel like I'm.

[C]

So hungry for companionship.

[E]

There's no food. There's. I mean, there's a motley crew of. Yeah, I'm gonna say weirdos here.

[C]

Some of the worst guests I've ever had on the show.

[H]

I. I unfortunately also puked in real life.

[C]

Yeah, you mama can cast this.

[E]

You know what, Scott? Maybe I was. Scott. You know, I think I might back in.

[F]

Good.

[E]

I'm back in. I might have been thinking about this all wrong. Scott, I've been here trying to make you be thankful for things in your past. Scott.

[C]

Okay, I can see where you're going with this. Maybe we're ending it now.

[E]

No, what I was going to say is.

[C]

Oh, okay. There's more.

[J]

There's more.

[E]

Maybe, Scott, you could be thankful for guests from the future. Scott.

[C]

Okay, you mean meaning guests I haven't even met yet?

[E]

Yes, Scott, you know, because I have the powers of the flash, I can run into the future.

[C]

Oh, of course. Yes, well established.

[E]

I have seen the future of comedy. Bang, bang.

[C]

Oh, my God. Is it good? Am I canceled?

[E]

I don't want to really get into the details of that. Okay, yeah, you're kind of canceled.

[C]

I'm kind of canceled. That's fine. Everyone will be.

[E]

Yeah, by that point, everybody's canceled. We're all walking around canceled. It's all good.

[J]

Was it the Halloween costume?

[E]

Yeah, it was.

[C]

Really? So I'm canceled immediately after this episode.

[E]

Scott, I'm gonna travel into the future and bring one of your favorite guests that you haven't even met yet.

[C]

Scott. Okay, great.

[E]

Are you ready?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

All right. I don't think I have to take a shit again, so that should be good. You're feeling light.

[C]

You can travel to the future.

[E]

Here we go. Go.

[H]

Yeah.

[E]

Actually, you know what? I might just walk. Let me just. Okay.

[C]

Yeah, if you can get there by walking.

[E]

I want to walk. I'll be right back. Y'.

[I]

All okay.

[E]

Oh, walking still hurt too.

[C]

Okay.

[I]

Yeah.

[D]

Woo.

[E]

I cramped up a little bit when I was on my way back. Damn. Scott.

[D]

O.

[E]

Okay. I had to stay at a hotel halfway. That sucked. But, Scott, I brought your favorite guest, Scott. His name, Ron Snapper. Scott.

[C]

Ron Snapper.

[E]

That's right, Scott.

[C]

It's like a taste of what's to come.

[E]

DBB World Future.

[I]

I'm a taste of your future. Scott. It's me, Ron Snapper.

[C]

Nice to meet you.

[I]

Hello.

[C]

Hi.

[I]

Strange. Strange to be meeting you when I've already met you so many times.

[C]

This is like a Doctor who, you know, river situation.

[I]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[C]

They don't have Doctor who in the future.

[I]

No, I just don't know. I just don't know what that is. Okay.

[C]

You're coming in so hot. Even hotter than this.

[I]

This is how I would. Well, this is how we gotta make it in the podcast world. Okay, I know a little something about podcasting. I am, of course, the host of Podcast Rescue. This is the pre eminent Podcast Rescue reality show. Plays exclusively on those TVs at gas stations.

[C]

Oh, okay. Okay, okay. So that's your deal?

[I]

That's correct.

[C]

Yeah.

[I]

If you want to encapsulate it in one short little sound bite, that's my deal.

[J]

Is that how you met Scott?

[I]

That is how I met Scott.

[C]

But I've had you. Wait, I met you and then had.

[G]

You on the show.

[I]

No, no, no. You were ambushed by me.

[C]

Oh.

[I]

You were hosting a normal edition of your show.

[C]

Okay.

[I]

I first appeared on your show sometime in late 2021. Maybe early 2022.

[C]

Whichever is not late 2021. Okay. Running out of Runway.

[G]

Okay.

[C]

You know, who knows? And 2022 is looking maybe a little optimistic for you as well.

[I]

Got it, got it.

[E]

Whatever's convenient for you, Scott.

[C]

Yeah. Who knows? But who knows? Who knows? But. Yeah, point is, knows what can happen, I can. People can drop out.

[I]

Of course. What happened was a lot of your past guests and producers contacted me. They said Scott is running one of the worst podcasts in podcast. This is a true shit show. Was what one guest said.

[C]

Why would Devin do this?

[D]

Was the guest me that.

[E]

I don't know who you're talking about.

[C]

Yeah, my producer.

[I]

It was Francesca who was.

[D]

I assume I am still on the show.

[I]

That's correct.

[D]

Yes. Okay.

[C]

Yes.

[I]

In fact, all of these guests are my recon spice. I sent them in ahead to be guests on this podcast, experience it from the guest chair and figure out just how terrible it was.

[C]

Go ahead.

[E]

Go ahead, everyone.

[I]

Tell them what a terrible time you've.

[C]

Had on this show.

[J]

You told me I was. What was the word? Opaque.

[C]

I did, Yeah. I don't even know what that means. Barely.

[I]

Me neither.

[J]

But it's sounded like there was malice behind it.

[C]

Yeah.

[H]

Yeah. Well, I'll attribute the time that I had on the show to it being a trick for you. That's what happened. Yeah, I had a bad time.

[C]

Well, I mean, you sucked, though.

[H]

No, no, it's not that. Yeah, I sucked because the experience was.

[I]

Listen to how you're talking to these guests, Scott.

[F]

You're all asleep. You're all asleep.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

I actually had a great time because I. I wanted to come to this universe.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

You know, it kind of worked out.

[C]

I'm happy to.

[F]

I did agree to spy, and I was. You know, he had a dream and asked me, but then I was like.

[I]

Morpheus was an outlier. We cut his footage out of the episode. Didn't really support the narrative.

[F]

You got to kill your darlings. Okay, you're awake.

[I]

That's right.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[I]

So I was called to. Bri. I. I was brought in to save your podcast.

[C]

You may I say, your deal, if I may be so bold, is very complicated right off the bat. I'm not following. I would strip it. Like, suddenly you've hired spies. Like, we haven't even established, really, what podcast rescue is.

[I]

Podcast rescue is rescue. Podcast. I come in. I am one of the great producers podcast of all time. I'm in the podcast hall of fame.

[C]

You are? There's a podcast hall of fame?

[I]

There's a podcast hall of fame.

[C]

Who's on Mount Podmore in the future?

[I]

Well, of course it is. The Podfather himself, Ricky Gervais.

[C]

Okay, Conan's up there.

[I]

Conan is up there. Dax Shepard.

[J]

Who?

[C]

I was.

[I]

I was the one who convinced him he was interesting. The office ladies are up there, but Scott, Scott, I got good news. From where I'm sitting in 2036. You're on Mount Podmore right now.

[F]

Yes.

[E]

Really?

[C]

That's right. This is a big Mount Podmore. How many?

[H]

Way more.

[I]

There's about 25 heads.

[C]

Whoa.

[I]

Okay, I've only scratched the surface on the heads.

[D]

Where is this? Podmore, Minnesota.

[F]

Wow.

[I]

Oh, I own the derogatory town. Yeah, it's in Minneapolis.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[I]

Dead on.

[E]

Well, how did you fix this podcast? Because maybe we could get a heads up on it right now.

[I]

No, this would be a good time, because when I came in and I gave my signature tough love and I burst into your studio and screamed at you at the top of my lunch.

[C]

This sounds like a terrible episode. It has to happen.

[I]

It was a great episode. People loved it, highly reviewed, and I went on to become your most frequent guest of all time.

[J]

Okay.

[C]

I mean, look, I believe it.

[I]

If you're saying, yeah, would I lie to you? You need to open your ears and accept the truth. This is just the beginning.

[E]

I don't think he's a liar. Scott.

[I]

Scott, where your podcast is at right now, you're losing $820,000 a month.

[C]

Okay, I'm losing money doing the podcast.

[I]

$20,000 this podcast, okay? From lack of efficiency.

[C]

Okay, really, it's just efficiency.

[I]

Lack of efficiency, shoddy worksmanship.

[E]

Okay?

[I]

Failure to focus.

[C]

But we've never lost money before, and I've been shoddy this whole time.

[I]

Yeah, well, you made some bad investments and I think Rudy might have taken. Written a couple checks in your name.

[E]

I did. I. I'm sorry about that.

[C]

Oh, you're writing bad paper, Rudy.

[E]

Yeah, writing bad paper. I need to take one of those classes.

[I]

You gotta take a class.

[E]

So what did you do? I mean, what. How did you turn.

[C]

We don't want to spoil the episode, but.

[I]

No, of course we don't want to spoil the episode, cuz that's what bad podcasting.

[E]

Okay, okay.

[I]

Yeah, okay. No, here's what I did. I came in, I offered my tough love, I gave you. You some, some. Some guidelines of like, you know, for example, first of all, did you check any of these people's IDs before they came in?

[C]

I haven't even thought about doing that.

[I]

Check a single ID.

[C]

What am I checking for?

[I]

Full 18 year olds. And you got no idea what would.

[C]

Be wrong with that?

[D]

I don't know.

[E]

Hold on. Maybe we should check everybody's IDs.

[C]

Hold on.

[I]

Check everybody's ID.

[E]

Francesca, can I see your ID real quick?

[D]

You didn't want to see my ID. No.

[E]

So.

[G]

No.

[C]

No. Okay. She said no. What are we supposed to do then?

[I]

You got to ask. You're only liable for asking. You just got to check and ask. And they go, no.

[C]

Is that the same like legal for bars? Like, they just got to ask you to know that this one trick that everyone.

[I]

People don't know, if you. It's you. You go up, they say, can I see your id? You go, that's actually a violation of hippa.

[C]

Oh, hippa. God.

[E]

Always using hipaa.

[C]

Always use hippa.

[E]

Now, Dash, can I see your id, please?

[J]

Here's a Pokedex.

[E]

Okay, I don't know what the.

[C]

These are?

[J]

Just tells of all the Pokemon I caught. And also my 12.

[C]

Yeah, he's 12. Is that cool?

[I]

12 is cool. As long as he has an ID that I can read. And that's something I. That's some of the tough love I gotta give. You got a room full of people snorting cocaine on skank.

[D]

Scary.

[C]

This is cocaine?

[E]

This is cocaine. I thought this was rare candy.

[I]

Rare candy.

[C]

Did you bring any?

[I]

Of course I brought some. You're holding out. But only I could do it because I'm not the clock.

[D]

I can't feel my stomach.

[I]

Woman who can't feel her stomach.

[F]

You're all asleep.

[C]

We're asleep now.

[F]

Somebody wanted to see my identification.

[C]

I get.

[F]

Yeah, I don't have traditional identification.

[C]

What is this? This is like a.

[F]

This is a furry creature called a grouse.

[C]

Oh, okay. Do we ask it?

[F]

It speaks the true names and identities of whoever you.

[C]

Okay.

[J]

Who.

[C]

Who is your master? Okay.

[E]

Okay.

[F]

Thank you, GR and you're all awake.

[E]

I got to accept that as an idea. Is that okay?

[I]

That's an okay idea, but, Guy, I mean, listen to how fractured we are. The canon is all over the place.

[C]

By the way, GR Came. He's here.

[I]

GR Is now a guest on the show.

[C]

He should only exist in this episode.

[I]

Was already running out of steam when you brought in the fifth guest. Now you're bringing in a sixth. What the hell is going on?

[E]

You're right.

[I]

You're right. Right.

[H]

I can.

[C]

I can see why I've had you on the show so many times.

[I]

Exactly.

[F]

I'm a creature and a big fan. Fan of the cast.

[I]

See, now, this is great because this is enthusiasm. This gets into what we got to do to turn this podcast around.

[E]

Okay, all right. Let's get into it.

[I]

Turn this podcast around. I got to hear catch phrases. I haven't heard a single goddamn catchphrase.

[F]

Those are my groceries.

[J]

Boom.

[F]

Catchphrase.

[H]

Those are my groceries.

[I]

That is a white hot catchphrase. That's going to take you very far.

[D]

Grouse.

[E]

Very good chat.

[F]

I appreciate it.

[C]

Yeah.

[H]

Okay.

[C]

Well, does anyone else. I mean, I could like.

[I]

And if none of you got a catchphrase, locked and loaded, there's the door.

[D]

I think mine will be.

[C]

Is that your catchphrase, by the way?

[I]

That's.

[C]

There's the door, Scott.

[I]

If you don't like the catchphrases, I bring it in the show. There's the door.

[E]

Okay. It works. It works. I'm telling you, it's one of the best.

[I]

It works every Time I say that, my listenership goes up 12%.

[E]

That's incredible.

[C]

12%. So people are listening extra hard when you say that.

[E]

Correct.

[I]

Okay, so if anyone's got one, Francesco.

[D]

I think mine would be. Oh, no, no, my tummy.

[C]

Oh, yeah, that's good.

[H]

It's good. You know what?

[I]

It's a different energy than a lot of catchphrases. It's a lot lower, a lot softer. It's going to drop listeners in.

[F]

For me, those are my groceries pretty damn.

[I]

You can hit it as many times as you want. You ever don't know what to say, there's the door. You know, you just hit that.

[J]

I think mine's going to be. I catch that.

[H]

Nice.

[E]

A little sassy. I think you might be deciding a little drunk right now.

[C]

Yeah. Also it sounds like you're on like an STD billboard or something like that.

[J]

Yeah, I mean, a what?

[I]

Oh, you got an adult man talking to a 12 year old child about STDs. What the hell is going on?

[E]

Okay, you're right.

[C]

Sorry, Sorry, sir.

[J]

It was okay.

[C]

Call you sir?

[I]

Yes. We're very, very close friends, but you call me sir. We had. It's hierarchy is so important.

[C]

Well, you're very high status.

[I]

I know this.

[E]

Well now, Buck, do you have your catchphrase locked?

[C]

It's a little long. Okay. Okay. Wait, is that it?

[H]

That's. That's.

[E]

Yeah.

[H]

Speaking about the cord that has to go up my ass to power the skeleton.

[C]

This is good.

[E]

So it's like when it comes to the cord that's up my ass right now, it's a little.

[C]

It's a little long.

[I]

You got a guy with a cord up his ass in the middle of his studio. That's unsanitary. That's a health code violation.

[H]

Don't forget, I'm covered in bar.

[E]

That's probably bad.

[I]

That's disgusting.

[D]

Can I say something?

[I]

Yes.

[D]

Okay. In my opinion, being on this podcast has been not. It's been so paid, it's been fun at all. And there have been a lot of things that I would have changed about it for you, but I want to say for them, maybe you could give them advice that they need to be nice to us. We're your guests. You guys been mean to us the whole time. Oh, I need some more.

[C]

You know what, Francesca? You're right.

[H]

Wow.

[D]

Wow. That is your catch right now.

[C]

I don't know if that one's gonna stick. I think I'll still be looking for one. But Francesca, I have to say, you know, and Rudy, I'm gonna bring you in on this as well. Skanksgiving is a time for people to look around at all the sluts that he's around and really just realize that, yeah, maybe we've had our differences when you've been on the particular episode, but those differences are what make the show really interesting and fun and, yeah, maybe we don't get along and I don't find any of you interesting, but. Wow, Grouse.

[H]

That hurts, Grouse.

[C]

But the guests do. And you know what? This Thanksgiving, I just want to say that I apologize if I've treated you poorly, and I'm so glad that all of you are here.

[H]

Wow.

[J]

Wow, Scott, thank you. And I'm sorry if I'm confusing for you to listen to sometimes, because that's not your fault.

[C]

I. I'm old. I'm an old ass man. I get it.

[F]

I.

[C]

And yeah, I don't know what a mech is. I don't know what a Pokemon is, but, you know, five year olds probably do, and. And I could use some five year old listeners, so thank you, guys. Hey.

[H]

Yeah, I. If I could apologize, I'm sorry that there's just not more to who I.

[C]

Am as a person.

[H]

Yeah, you were pretty thin physically, and.

[C]

And just in terms of conceptually. Absolutely. Yeah.

[F]

Grouse wants to apologize for shoehorning himself in at the end here when nobody expected him.

[C]

And to be honest, I pimped you into that. And I told you that you were here and then you just were.

[F]

Grouse appreciates it, wants more time on the cast.

[J]

I would like to catch Grouse.

[E]

No, no, you can't catch growth.

[C]

Not on Skank's game.

[E]

No, not on Skank.

[I]

You know what?

[D]

I want to apologize to Scott because I think I have been so much funnier than you the whole time, and this must be so hard for you. I never thought about it from your perspective.

[C]

In this Thanksgiving tradition, I'll accept your apology, but next time I see you again.

[I]

And I'd like to apologize as well for coming in with a gimmick about as aggressive as possible, and for really, you know, going. Coming in hot.

[C]

That's okay. But I mean, you know, on Skanksgiving, we want people to be hot.

[I]

That reminds me, should I tell you what? My Halloween costume.

[G]

Oh, yeah, please.

[E]

Yeah, we can cover. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

All right.

[I]

It's no big deal. It's just in honor of my favorite podcast, the Legion of Skanks.

[C]

I'm a sexy.

[I]

Oh, no, I'm a sexy Big joker.

[C]

Sexier. That's right, yes.

[I]

Basically just Big J without the pants.

[C]

Okay, so.

[E]

So that's your favorite podcast is legit of skanks, huh?

[I]

Look at their numbers. Tell me they're not doing great.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

All right.

[C]

And Rudy, most of all, I just want to say I really appreciate you. I know that this maybe, you know, not the group of guests that I wanted, but I think it's the group of guests that I needed.

[E]

That's right.

[C]

And thank you so much, Rudy. You've been such a great friend to me, and I apologize. I've been spending so much time with Sprague, and I started a different. I don't know if you know this, but we started a different show together.

[E]

Say what now?

[C]

I apologize.

[E]

You're not watching old movies and talking about them, are you?

[C]

Yeah, just like every other podcast.

[E]

That was our thing. We talked about that at SMEETforce Thanksgiving.

[C]

Four years ago, but then you disappeared. But look, Rudy, I want to, I want to re establish our relationship and skanksgiving here. It wouldn't be possible without you. So thank you so much.

[E]

Well, thank you so much, Scott, and to all our guests. And Scott, I just have one important question for you. Did you have a good time? Scott?

[C]

You know what, Rudy, I. Oh, should we get the turkey before I. Oh.

[E]

Yeah, let me go get the turkey. What am I thinking over here? Not get the turkey, Scott. I'm gonna go get this.

[C]

Put a pin in my answer.

[E]

Put a pin in your ass.

[C]

I mean, I was gonna say yes, but let's have the turkey first.

[E]

Let me go check out.

[D]

You know what? I bring a lot of turkey with me from Baden.

[E]

I don't want to. I actually have a good turkey. Franchesca.

[C]

Rudy's been cooking this all for the past five years.

[I]

I have some loose turkey jerky in my pocket.

[E]

No, don't need that. Cuz I marinated this turkey for a decade, bro. This turkey your turkey?

[F]

Yeah, if you want to eat me, I'll just be recreated.

[D]

Okay, you know what?

[E]

I have a turkey.

[F]

Okay?

[E]

And we can all have this turkey. Let me just go check on it in the kitchen.

[C]

Okay? Yeah, great. Oh, my God.

[G]

Oh, no.

[C]

Rudy. Everything okay in there?

[D]

Scott?

[E]

Scott?

[C]

Rudy, are you taking another?

[E]

No, Scott, I. About the turkey, I. Yeah, my mouth is watering.

[C]

You down just even bringing it up.

[E]

Franchesca. Dash, Buck, Morpheus.

[C]

What's his name?

[E]

Ron.

[C]

All right.

[E]

I forgot to turn on the oven. Scott.

[C]

What?

[E]

Oh, you did what? That's right. I, I, I don't have a turkey on. All starving Here.

[C]

And you forgot to turn on the oven. Scott.

[I]

Picking up a little Ron there.

[E]

Scott, there's the door. Scott. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't make the turkey. But it still was fun, right? I mean, we had guests, we celebrated stuff. We were thankful.

[C]

This is the worst skanksgiving I've ever had in my life. I hated it.

[E]

I'm out of here.

[C]

Scott.

[E]

Well.

[F]

Wow.

[E]

It looks like the only way for me to save the CBB World Averse is to merge my cannon with the Speed Force. Jesus Christ.

[C]

That's.

[H]

That's.

[I]

What is the matter with you?

[B]

What is that?

[F]

How is that related to. What is this?

[I]

It's so.

[H]

God.

[E]

Balloon. No, no, no. It makes perfect sense.

[J]

I don't understand.

[E]

No, no, you don't understand. The only way for me to save the Speed Force, okay, And Thanksgiving and the CBB World Averse is if I merge with the. The Speed Force. It makes perfect sense.

[F]

Doesn't understand.

[C]

It's a little long.

[E]

I'm just gonna do it.

[G]

Okay?

[J]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

And here I go. Goodbye, CBB World. Rudy north must die so CBB World can live.

[F]

It's like the end of people's dreams of search of spot.

[J]

Saying he's gonna. Like, he's gonna die.

[D]

No, no, I think.

[J]

Right.

[D]

My tongue.

[E]

Thank you for listening to the Speed Force Thanksgiving special. This has been a Whisper Studios production in association with Brett morris and cbb world.com Special thanks to Lynn, Lily Sullivan, Zach Reyno, Matt Apodaca, Will Hines, Devin Field, and of course, Scott Ockerman. That's canon, baby.

[D]

Oh, God.

[E]

God.

[C]

Wow.

[E]

So this is the Speed Force afterlife, which is different than hell, which I did kind of go to at one point, became the devil. But this is totally different. It's a Speed Force afterlife. Well, looks like I have all of eternity to reflect on my dirtbag misdeeds.

[D]

Rudy.

[E]

Cake boss. My sponsor and mentor.

[C]

What happened?

[E]

Rudy, what have you done? Oh, well, I. I mean, I just saved the CBB World averse by merging my canon with the Speed Force. It's a long story, but I can't get into that right now. Rudy, by pulling guests from old episodes to shave our reality, you forever change the future, creating branch CBB timelines. Branch CBB timelines. That's what I just said.

[D]

Oh, no.

[E]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, it's right. I got bit by a cake lightning bug and I had a vision of the future. Is it bad? No, it's good. Yeah, that's why I came. Of course it's bad.

[D]

Oh God.

[E]

We need to prepare. There's a crisis coming. A crisis on Infinite. Bang.

[D]

Bang.

[E]

Bang Bang. Rudy north will return.

[J]

Hey weirdos. I'm Elena.

[E]

And I'm Ashe and we are the hosts of Morbid Podcast.

[J]

Each week we dive into the dark and fascinating world of true crime, spooky history, and the unexplained.

[D]

From infamous killers and unsolved mysteries to haunted places and strange legends, we cover it all with research, empathy, humor, and.

[E]

A few creative expletives.

[J]

It's smart, it's spooky, and it's just the right amount of weird.

[D]

Two new episodes drop every week, and there's even a bonus once a month. Find us wherever you listen to podcasts.

[I]

Yay.

[C]

Woo.

[D]

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[G]

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