Bonus Bang: Adam Scott, James Adomian (Hot 4 Scott)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: Bonus Bang – Hot 4 Scott: Adam Scott, James Adomian (as Alan Rickman)

Original Air Date: August 28, 2025
Host: Scott Aukerman
Guests: Adam Scott, James Adomian (as Alan Rickman)

Overview

In this uproarious archival release, Scott Aukerman welcomes Adam Scott (Parks and Recreation, Severance) for one of his earliest appearances, originally aired in 2011 under the Comedy Death-Ray Radio banner. James Adomian drops in as the mischievous, scene-stealing Alan Rickman (blurring the lines between Hans Gruber, the Sheriff of Nottingham, and a delightfully unhinged stage actor). The episode quickly erupts into comedic chaos, featuring deep dives into Adam’s formative years, surreal character bits, and games like “Guess the Misheard Lyric” and “Jukebox Jury.” It’s a classic, high-energy hour of Comedy Bang Bang lore, mixing personal nostalgia, relentless riffing, and absurdist sketches.

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Main Discussion Points & Segments

Setting the Stage — What is “Hot 4 Scott”?

• [01:13] Scott introduces the “Hot for Scott” series: a four-week focus on early Adam Scott appearances (“we are reaching so deep into the archives, put your ass to sleep”).
• Scott playfully reminds Adam of his previous on-air character, “Jerry with a G”—“Was it Jerry? Jerry, I think, with a G, though.” [05:37]

Adam Scott’s Early Life & Santa Cruz Origins

• [06:25–21:39]
  • Scott tries to get Adam’s life story, prompting feigned reticence:
    “Start at the beginning.”
    Adam: “Does it sound like I’m shouting?”
• Adam jokes about lying about being born in Oregon, then reveals he’s actually from Santa Cruz, CA, “with a lot of woods there, an old wooden roller coaster.”
• “I used to work at the boardwalk… in the taffy shop. I made taffy there. Laffy.” [09:11]
• Wages and childhood jobs: Adam reflects on being criminally underpaid:
  “They paid me below minimum wage.” – Adam [09:46]
• The trauma of bike theft and the unceremonious nature of growing up:
  “The original bike I got was purchased for me by my father… immediately, it was like, immediately my bike got stolen.” – Adam [12:16]
• Adam shares awkward high school memories—being a chubby kid working among “all the hot girls from my high school,” [15:28] and how adolescent insecurities and reunions linger.

High School Reunions & Hollywood Humility

• [16:25–23:32]
  • Scott & Adam compare reunion tales:
    • Scott: “The 20 was weird. It was on the Queen Mary. They had a slideshow of all us in high school… and then slides from the 10-year, then… the 15-year that you weren’t invited to.” [17:13]
    • Adam’s 10-year: “So sparsely attended that they had to move it from the Elks Lodge to a public park because there were only 12 people.” [19:36]
    • Both describe how people regress into teenage roles:
      Adam: “You kind of revert back to whatever social position you were in at the time.” [20:13]
    • An on-brand anecdote: “Guys that were buddies, like at the, like afterparty at someone’s house, they both took their shirts off and started fighting.” [20:36]

Skipping 20 Years: Adam’s “Big Meeting”

• [24:17–28:28]
  • Scott: “Flash forward to today. What are you up to after the show?”
    Adam, feigning coyness about a Hollywood summit:
    “I have this kind of a… it's not that big of a deal, but… a big meeting today. Kind of a… with Spielberg and Geffen and Katzenberg.” [25:13]
  • Repeatedly hams up pseudo-secrecy and Hollywood lingo:
    “Well, if you're in a rush, it's just BH. So it’s not a big deal.”
  • They riff on “not wanting to bring preconceived notions into the room with three big heads—big minds.”
  • Scott: “So, 15 years ago or whenever, they just kind of freeformed, jazzed, and they came up with, ‘Hey, let’s start a studio together.’” [27:26]

Arrival of Alan Rickman (James Adomian)

• [29:02–43:47]
  • Alan Rickman (character) storms in, declaring a hostage situation, wielding “two Glocks,” demanding the “Comedy Death Ray gold,” and blending Die Hard and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves villain tropes.
    • Rickman: “Shut up, you’ve got a Glock on your face, Scott Aukerman.” [29:10]
    • “I want you both on your knees for the listener.” [29:43]
    • “A proper gay villain… the first rule is you always have the heroes kneel.” [33:28]
  • Surreal blending of Rickman’s filmography (Snape, Sheriff of Nottingham, Hans Gruber) with podcast tropes.
  • Peak absurdity with discussion of “specially gay villains,” being knighted and refusing it, Rickman’s “testicles,” and outlandish escape plans:
    – “I woke up with a morning wood and two loaded Glocks and I thought I’d get my rocks off.” [38:47]

“Guess the Misheard Lyric” Game

• [43:55–56:11]
  • Adam, Alan, and Scott play a fake game with increasingly preposterous “misheard lyrics” (often escalating into total nonsense for comedic effect).
    • Bee Gees: “Ah, ah, ah, ah, steak and a knife.” Actual: “Stayin’ Alive.”
    • Toto: “Hundred men on Mars…” → “Hundred men on Venus…”
    • Rolling Stones: “I’ll never leave your pizza burnin’... The Rolling Stones pizza makes Wolfgang Puck look like Wolfgang Schmuck. All of our pizzas cost very little dough. That’s the Rolling Stones pizza company promise...” – Alan Rickman [54:26]
  • Alan Rickman wins the game; “It’s not as fulfilling as having victory in your grasp.” [55:16]

Parks and Recreation Chat (Sort Of)

• [58:44–63:54]
  • Briefly, amid Rickman interruptions, they discuss Parks and Rec’s then-current season and Adam’s role.
    • Adam: “The Harvest Festival, which a lot of people thought was gonna be like a season-long arc, was in the past… now it's just open-ended.” [60:23]
    • Scott tries to ask technical production questions; Alan Rickman insists on taking credit as location scout, further derailing the conversation.

Shakespeare, The Scottish Play, and Supernatural Superstitions

• [61:13–63:53]
  • The trio riff on Macbeth and theater superstitions; Alan is “so thoroughly an actor that it hurts my heart” when the word is uttered on-air.
  • Adam: “If there was whipped cream right here, I would dunk you into it right now.”
  • Extended, absurd debate about how to reference Macbeth without saying its name.

Jukebox Jury: Comedy Song Reviews

• [65:34–76:08]
  • Scott, Adam, Alan review listener-submitted “comedy songs”:
    • “A Woman’s Work is Never Done”: Alan scans for iambic pentameter (“I was scanning it on my little notepaper.” [69:41]), and Scott loves “taking an extreme point of view.” [69:47]
    • “Dead Ass” by Mike Vital — Alan: “If I could dunk him, I would dunk him. I would dunk him into mustard.” [72:08] (Mustard & pants = rating system)
    • “Treasure Trove” — Adam: “I think that’s a worthy, worthy, worthy…” [76:17]

Finale: Alan Rickman’s Villainous Exit

• [76:38–84:40]
  • Rickman declares victory, claims the “gold,” transforms Scott into a leprechaun, and threatens mayhem:
    – “You have 24 hours to send all of your gold to Earwolf studios. If you don’t, I’ll blow it up.” [84:19]
  • Rickman plans to rob Mark Maron’s “WTF” next.
  • The closing minutes descend into pure surrealism: Scott laments loss of gold, pleads for its return, is infantilized, Adam stammers “A worthy. A worthy,” and Alan cackles, “I’ve turned him into a leprechaun. That’s all I ever wanted.” [83:46]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Adam Scott on his teen years:
  “I was, you know, a chubby kid, so it wasn’t... really in the cards for me.” [15:38]
• Alan Rickman (Adomian) demands a Die Hard–style heist:
  “I want Comedy Death Ray’s gold. I mean, I think you are mistaking the reviews of the show for something physical.” [34:25]
• Scott on reunion slideshows:
  “And then they had slides from the 10 year. And then they had slides from the 15 year that you weren’t invited to.” [17:13]
• Adam, playing along with Rickman:
  “I’m with you, Mr. Rickman. I think walking into a room with any sort of preconception is a big mistake. So I totally know where you're coming—from.” [40:06]
• Alan Rickman, post-‘victory’:
  “I may as well have won… I like victory to be there, just right out, just in my grasp. I don’t actually like to win.” [53:36, 55:16]
• Surreal finish:
  “My gold’s missing. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” – Scott
  “Now he’s almost a zygote.” – Adam [83:30]

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Key Timestamps

• 01:11 – Introduction and premise of “Hot 4 Scott”
• 05:02 – Adam Scott joins; revisiting past characters
• 06:25 – Adam’s (mis)adventures in Santa Cruz
• 15:38 – Working among the “hot girls” at the boardwalk
• 17:13 – Scott’s high school reunion stories
• 24:17 – “Present moment”: Adam’s fake big Hollywood meeting
• 29:02 – Alan Rickman (James Adomian) invades the studio
• 43:55 – “Guess the Misheard Lyric”
• 58:44 – Parks and Rec chat (interrupted)
• 65:34 – Jukebox Jury segment
• 76:38 – Alan Rickman’s villainous denouement
• 83:01 – Unhinged gold-leprechaun ending

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Tone & Style

This episode is classic Comedy Bang Bang: meta, anarchic, and self-aware. The trio’s improvisational chemistry, especially with Adomian’s manic Alan Rickman, steers chat into off-the-rails, character-driven absurdity. Yet there’s real warmth in Scott and Adam’s reminiscences, lampooning LA industry culture, and recursive inside jokes. The humor is relentlessly silly, surreal, and knowingly over-the-top—anchored by Scott’s hosting and his ability to play the flustered straight man to both Adam’s and Adomian’s chaos.

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For New Listeners

This episode offers a signature blend of Comedy Bang Bang nostalgia and unpredictable improv bravado. You’ll get embarrassing childhood stories, satirical looks at showbiz, and an epic Alan Rickman villain arc—all fused together by in-jokes and zany characters. It’s a quintessential example of why CBB’s “open door policy” and game segments persist, now legendary in the podcast world.

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Alan Rickman (character)]

I need a coffee.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you need Lifelock. Because your info is in endless places. It only takes one mistake to expose you to identity theft. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second. If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it, guaranteed or your money back. Save up to 40% your first year at lifelock.com specialoffer terms apply. Hey everyone. Scott Aukerman here and welcome to another bonus bang where we re release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the Paywall. And this week we are kicking off a new series. That's right, this series. Drumroll please. Did anyone order the drum roll? No. Okay. We didn't get a drummer. Okay, well, it's just me then. This is a new series called Hot for Scott. Hot for Scott. And this features our good buddy, Adam Scott. That's right. You know him as the Emmy nominee for the Apple TV series Severance. He's also my co host on the youe Talking youg Two to Me series as well as various other shows that we do. And this is exciting. We're going to spend the next four weeks listening to old episodes where Adam dropped by the show. And this week we are reaching so deep into the archives, put your ass to sleep. This is an episode when we used to be called Comedy Death Ray Radio in the first couple of years. And it's one of Adam's earliest appearances on the show. This episode is titled A Worthy A and it was originally released, if you can believe it, March 28, 2011 as episode 98. The episode also features James Zidomian as actor Alan Rickman. We also play some games. Now. If you enjoyed this episode and you want to hear other fantastic episodes of Comedy Bang bang, become a [e-mail]. we have all of the previous episodes from the archives. Every live show. They're all ad free. We have ad free new episodes and we also have original shows like CBB presents Scott hasn't seen. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Comedy. It's a common problem. It's Comedy Death Ray Radio. That doesn't make sense. Hey, it's Hot Saucerman and this is Comedy Death Ray Radio for another week. And the guest is already having problems with his headphones. And that is the sound of America sighing along with you. What is this show, they ask? Well, it's Comedy Death rate radio. I, of course, am Hot Saucerman. And this is a show where we have America's finest comedy minds. And our next guest is also here. And that's classic slam structure. Let me explain who's here and what the show is going to be doing today. I have from many different projects. I have Adam Scott here all hour and we are going to really get into his psyche. So let me introduce him from Parks and Recreation, from party down, from film, from television. Perhaps the stage. Maybe in the future. In the past.

[Adam Scott]

In the past, maybe in the future.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, certainly not in the present.

[Adam Scott]

We're gonna get into it, Scott, I promise you.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's Adam Scott. Who's here. Welcome, Adam.

[Adam Scott]

Hi, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Remember last time you were here, you debuted a new character.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

He had a catchphrase. Yeah, it was, hey, guys. No. Was that the. No, it was not. God, you gotta do a little character work before you come in here. It's high bros. Hey, bros. Right. There he is. What was his name? Was it Jerry?

[Adam Scott]

Jerry, I think with a G, though.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Right.

[Adam Scott]

Jerry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What is he?

[Adam Scott]

I was in Jerry Rafferty.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Now and Jerry and the Pacemakers.

[Adam Scott]

Am I shouting? Does it sound like I'm shouting?

[Scott Aukerman]

Does it sound like I'm shouting?

[Adam Scott]

No, I'm. I feel. My chest feels like I'm shouting. My. But it. It doesn't sound like I'm shouting in my headphones.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you need your headphones louder? Do you need them softer?

[Adam Scott]

But does it sound like I'm shouting to you?

[Scott Aukerman]

No. I mean, we are sitting across the table from each other. Does it?

[Adam Scott]

Does it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm trying to Add a little energy to the proceeding.

[Adam Scott]

Does it feel like I have energy?

[Scott Aukerman]

It does.

[Adam Scott]

I guess that's all we need for a good podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So start at the beginning.

[Adam Scott]

Does it sound like I'm shouting?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, not the beginning of the program. Oh, sorry.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

The beginning of your life. Where were you born? On what day? What year? What city? Let's break it down.

[Adam Scott]

Okay. I was born in Portland, Oregon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Home to a lot of artists, a lot of artistic families.

[Adam Scott]

No, I was born in Santa Cruz, California.

[Scott Aukerman]

Also home to a lot of artists, a lot of artistic families. That seems like a weird lie.

[Adam Scott]

It was a mislead. It wasn't a lie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just a little bit north.

[Adam Scott]

I wanted. I just wanted to see if there was a spike in Portland Googling for the split second that I let it lie. Horrible.

[Scott Aukerman]

Portland Googling. I love that Charity Rafferty song. Portland Googling.

[Adam Scott]

I love that one sketch on Portlandia where it's about Portland Googling.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you were born in Santa Cruz. A lot of woods there. An old wooden roller coaster, as I recall. You ever take a little drive around in that roller coaster?

[Adam Scott]

I don't think they call it that. I don't think that is what it's referred to at all. When you ride the roller coaster, you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go and buy a ticket and say, I'd like to drive this thing around.

[Adam Scott]

I would like to take a drive around. Two tickets, please. What the fuck is that? I've been on the Giant Dipper many, many times, but I haven't been in several years. Would you like to take a ride?

[Scott Aukerman]

I would love to drive around with you. A trip with you first. Do a drive around up the coast, up pch.

[Adam Scott]

Do you think we could do it as a comedy Death Ray episode? A video episode, you and I?

[Scott Aukerman]

I would love it. Just a long, uninterrupted eight hour take.

[Adam Scott]

An eight hour take. Because if we leave right now, in seven hours, we could be riding the Giant Dipper.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's do it.

[Adam Scott]

But what if we get there and it's closed cause it's raining? Then the episode continues with you and I going to my mom's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Even better. We'll do a drive around there and.

[Adam Scott]

Sharing the loft in the back of her house.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought you were gonna say something different when you said sharing.

[Adam Scott]

What did? Sharing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sharing Fluids.

[Adam Scott]

Sharing. We share lovemaking.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wonder, do they close it when it rains because the wood expands?

[Adam Scott]

Jesus Christ, Scott. I have no idea. I would imagine that they close it when it rains because it's unpleasant to ride a roller coaster when it's raining to drive around. Yeah, when you drive around, do the old drive around on the Giant Dipper.

[Scott Aukerman]

We got to find some of this information. We got to do some Santa Cruz googling.

[Adam Scott]

They do close the entire boardwalk when it's raining. I used to work at the boardwalk.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where did you used to work?

[Adam Scott]

Didn't we cover this once?

[Scott Aukerman]

Did we? I feel like we did.

[Adam Scott]

And I worked in the taffy shop. I made taffy there. Laffy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Taffy, right. What the.

[Adam Scott]

What? What is Laffy Taffy?

[Scott Aukerman]

You haven't heard that song?

[Adam Scott]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can we bring that up? Engineer Doug, this is gonna be great. You are going get. Okay, okay, hold on. Hold on to your asshole, okay? Because this song is amazing and it'll just take you back. How old were you when you.

[Adam Scott]

I was a taffy from 12 to about 15 years old.

[Scott Aukerman]

They let you have a job when you're 12 years old.

[Adam Scott]

And they paid. You know what they paid me? They paid me below minimum wage.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, of course you're below the age where you should be working.

[Adam Scott]

What the. Like, seriously? They did. I got like a buck 75 an hour.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. And what was minimum wage at the time? This is. This.

[Adam Scott]

It was a buck 78 an hour. I would imagine it was 1985.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ish.

[Adam Scott]

When did I. Yeah, 87. I started.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. All right, here we go. Get ready to put yourself in 19. It's 1987. Hip hop was new. But this will. This will bring you right back.

[Adam Scott]

You'll see. Ill was really hitting and been out for about a year and it finally made its way to Santa Cruz. All the jock assholes were playing it.

[Scott Aukerman]

How long does it take for music to get to Santa Cruz?

[Adam Scott]

It takes a year.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? It doesn't take the seven hours to drive.

[Adam Scott]

Lady Gaga song Born this Way. It's gonna hit next February in Santa Cruz. Even with the Internet, it still takes a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. All right, so here we go. Laffy Taffy. Just imagine yourself as a 12 year old boy.

[Adam Scott]

Getting my bike stolen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here we go. I got my bike stolen. Okay, here we are. Pretty good so far, huh?

[Adam Scott]

I wish I could make taffy for you right now because this is actually.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great music to make taffy.

[Adam Scott]

It really.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now imagine. Imagine what if this was the song that was at your taffy dispensary and it just played on a loop all day.

[Adam Scott]

It would have been a lot more fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? What kind of music did they play while you were there? Like carny music?

[Adam Scott]

No, it was. Well, we were next to the arcade, so we would Hear carney music. But the music they actually piped in was, like, 50s, you know, doo wop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, you know, like Shannon. I know one person would be really excited by that.

[Adam Scott]

Someone that would be really interested in Shannon. You had, like, a real Shananna person on the show. Like someone that actually knows the band.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean, I wouldn't. Yeah, he knows the band. I wouldn't say he's a Sean Ana person. I mean, we haven't heard how his audition went, though. He may be in Shana right now.

[Adam Scott]

I mean, that would be. You know what? I have a feeling he's not in Shana. I don't think he was on the right track.

[Scott Aukerman]

I worry for his safety.

[Adam Scott]

I feel like anyone that's auditioned for Shananna or over seven times, they're just not getting in.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're 12 years old.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your bike is stolen. You're making $1.75 an hour.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you buy a new bike?

[Adam Scott]

Well, here's the thing, Scott. The original bike I got was purchased for me by my father as kind of congratulations on getting a job. You know what? I feel like I was older. I feel like I was 14 when I got a job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, that probably makes more sense.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. 12 is a little young to be down risking your arms getting torn off in the taffy machine. So. But immediately it was like, immediately my bike got stolen. And I didn't have the type of family that would teach me a lesson about getting my bike stolen by just immediately replacing it. So I had to go without a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bike for a while.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Ah.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Happened to me, too. I remember I bought some sort of schwinn. I remember. And I. Or maybe it was a Huffy.

[Adam Scott]

I had a huffy at one point as a little kid, I had a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Huffy and I tricked it out. And I went down to the bike shop and got, like, you know, amazing handlebars and these red grips for the handlebars. I don't know what the term is. I haven't ridden a bike.

[Adam Scott]

And grips is fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

I barely know what a grip does on a film set.

[Adam Scott]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

But. And I painted it. I remember yellow and red, and it just looked like an amazing sports bike. And, you know, back in the 80s, you just kind of left it around and you didn't lock it up or anything. And the guy who lives. Lived in the house behind me, stole it and told everyone he stole it, but.

[Adam Scott]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. But by the time we tried to investigate, like, he sold it for parts.

[Adam Scott]

Crap and all that. Fucked.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

So did you that was a weird thing about being a kid too, is that something like that would happen and then. And then like two weeks later you'd be friends with that kid.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no, I was never friends with that kid ever again. But yeah, I know what you mean.

[Adam Scott]

Then I guess I was a huge pussy. Because whoever picked on me, like a week later, I'd be like, yeah. Hey, bros. That's it. Jerry just walked in for a second. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What a time, though. I mean, riding around on your bike, going to see dollar movies.

[Adam Scott]

The cool thing at the boardwalk was everybody that worked at the candy store, all the taffy makers. There was a little satellite, Marini's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, what is Marini's?

[Adam Scott]

Marini's is the name of the candy store. I'm sorry. So there's the main hub at the foot of the boardwalk at the arcade where we make the candy, and then at the other end of the boardwalk, Marini satellites little satellite shop where we would have to bring candy all the way down the boardwalk. So every kid that worked at Marini's had access to a golf cart that we would load up with candy and drive down to the other end of the boardwalk.

[Scott Aukerman]

That seems less safe than sticking your arm in the thing.

[Adam Scott]

I was 14. And they'd be like, o, here are the keys. Just bring this 50 pound bag of taffy down to the other. And then I could just do whatever I wanted. Ah, that was kind of awesome. No real follow up.

[Scott Aukerman]

There must have been girls who worked at Marini's or on the boardwalk.

[Adam Scott]

They were all the, like hot girls from my high school from Harbor High worked there. But I was like, I was, you know, a chubby kid, so it wasn't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really in the cards for me. Now that doesn't seem possible, you being chubby. You've always been rail thin as long as I've known you.

[Adam Scott]

Thanks.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, when I say rail thin, I mean, you mean actor thin, right?

[Adam Scott]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, like you have.

[Adam Scott]

You mean deathbed thin?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's hard to say. I mean, sometimes people take thin not as a compliment, but I mean, as an actor, one wants to be thin.

[Adam Scott]

Sure. Well, at the time, you know, you know, the awkward stage the kids go through. You know, post junior high, never had it. Yeah, well, most of us go through an awkward stage right after junior high school, so.

[Scott Aukerman]

So they. They didn't give you a second?

[Adam Scott]

No, not really. But, you know, that's all right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who was your. Who was your big crush when you were that age? And. And would she know about it? And are You Facebook friends with her right now?

[Adam Scott]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

And does your wife know about it?

[Adam Scott]

No. No. God, I wonder if she still exists. That's a really good question.

[Scott Aukerman]

Still existing is tough when you get to be our age.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. I mean, there are a lot of people that don't exist anymore, which is weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

Isn't that strange when you go back to. Did you go back to your reunion or.

[Adam Scott]

I went to the tenure. I haven't had the 20 year.

[Scott Aukerman]

You achieved tenure?

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, I achieved tenure at the tenure.

[Scott Aukerman]

I went to my 20 and 10.

[Adam Scott]

You did?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

What was the 20 like?

[Scott Aukerman]

The 20 was weird. It was on the Queen Mary and.

[Adam Scott]

Well, there you go. That's weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it was strange because they had a slideshow of all of us in high school. And then they had some slides from the 10 year. And then they had slides from the.

[Adam Scott]

15 year that you weren't invited to.

[Scott Aukerman]

That only a select few people were invited to. And they bust them out like, hey, look how much fun we had in Vegas at the 15 year. Whoa. To all of us poor schmucks. And then.

[Adam Scott]

So were the people that got invited to the 15 year. Were they like the popular assholes from. They were.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I wouldn't call them assholes. Cause I like everyone.

[Adam Scott]

But it was a clique that you were never a part of.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess not.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What was funny about it though, is my friend, I think I believe I've talked to him or about him on the show, but my friend was the. Or is the drummer in no Doubt. And we went to high school together the same year.

[Adam Scott]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I think he was invited to it.

[Adam Scott]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then, of course, then he. You think that he would be coming to the 20 year reunion, like, you know, on a big high or whatever, you know, like, hey, like, hey, I'm untouchable. I'm the. He set up the whole AV system for the 20 year reunion.

[Adam Scott]

Seriously?

[Scott Aukerman]

That was his job. Yeah, it was really funny. I was like, what are you doing? He's like, oh, I gotta set up the slideshow.

[Adam Scott]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can't you get people to do that?

[Adam Scott]

Doesn't he have like a whole AV team just constantly working for him at this point? Well, he probably did a great job.

[Scott Aukerman]

He did a great job. But he was one of those people who was invited to the 15, whereas I was not.

[Adam Scott]

Did it look like they had a good time on the 15?

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess. I don't know. I will tell you. And this. And if. I doubt anyone from high school listens to the show, but. And if you Do I apologize? But there is a vast difference between the 10 and the 20.

[Adam Scott]

Oh. I would imagine where like the 10.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone still looked good and people were hooking up and the 20, like everyone's a monster.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. You know, everyone's turned into giant beasts.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the fact that you and I work in Hollywood, we're like sort of still. We still kind of have to keep looking the way we did.

[Adam Scott]

Like we arrive in cool jackets.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And man, the women, and I don't mean to say that all of them, but girls that at the 10, I was like, wow, she's looking good, right? Yeah, it was.

[Adam Scott]

Well, I do. One thing about my 10 year reunion is that the venue had to change at the last minute because it was going to be so sparsely attended that they had to move it from the Elks Lodge to a public park because there were only 12 people that were gonna.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh no. Why. And why is that? You're in Santa Cruz, you're. Are there just not a lot of people there?

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, I guess just people didn't give a shit. And so it was, it was, it was for a 10 year. I think it was a little depressing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you hook up with anyone in the tenure?

[Adam Scott]

No, no. I was, I was spoken for at the time. But also, you know, it's kind of like with your family when you, when you know, get with those same people, you kind of revert back to whatever social position you were in at the time. And so it wasn't really totally in the cards. Even if I.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anything weird happen in the, in the reunion, any like strange stories or usually someone embarrasses themselves.

[Adam Scott]

I started with a couple of dudes. They got really fucked up and started a fight. Like guys that were buddies, like at the, like after party at someone's house, they both took their shirts off and started fighting. I was like, wow, I gotta get out of Santa Cruz. I guess.

[Scott Aukerman]

How long were you there that trip?

[Adam Scott]

A couple days. No, I guess that was enough.

[Scott Aukerman]

And your mom still lives there with the loft?

[Adam Scott]

My mom, yeah. My whole family is there. It's a lovely place. Have you ever been there?

[Scott Aukerman]

I went once. I went to UC Santa Cruz.

[Adam Scott]

Because you went there like for school?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no. My good friend went there for a year or two, so I went up to dc.

[Adam Scott]

Were you gonna say my good friend Walter Goggins?

[Scott Aukerman]

I was, as a matter of fact.

[Adam Scott]

So weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I saw an interesting Shakespeare production in the woods.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, sure, it's Shakespeare. Santa Cruz. Yeah, yeah, It's a well known institution, Scott. You know it's not just. You're not the only one that's been to the Shakespeare Santa Cruz.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this just got weird.

[Adam Scott]

Claiming it as your own.

[Scott Aukerman]

I apologize for whatever I did. I'm not sure what. I was just trying to connect with you on a Santa Cruz level.

[Adam Scott]

A lot of people have been to Santa Cruz.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, tell you what. We've stopped at 12 to 16. We're gonna break down the rest of your life. We're gonna get into Parks and Recreation. Just picked up for a fourth season, third season. We're gonna. Sure, you don't have to let me know. Which you can just sit there silently. Let's take a break and we'll be right back with a little comedy death ray radio. This is Hot Sauserman with Adam Scott. Boy, sticker shock, huh? You know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about prices. They're going up, up, up, up, up at the gas pump, the grocery store rent. But you know what? At Metro, they got your back. They actually have lowered their prices and they're giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered. Oh, get this. You get a free 5G phone, all with no ID required, no activation fees. So stop by your neighborhood Metro store, visit metrobyt-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number. Not available. If currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network Talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on an eligible plan. Exclusions apply. Details at Metro by T mobile.com Adam Pally here and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, staying alive. We'll have guests like our friend, actor Jerry O', Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Scheer, Ego Wodem, Gillian Bell, Dr. Doolittle. Staying alive with John Gabris and Adam Pali is out right now. Get them a week early and ad free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts. Sometimes an identity threat is a ring of professional hackers and sometimes it's an overworked accountant who forgot to encrypt their connection while sending bank details.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I need a coffee and you need.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lifelock because your info is in endless places. It only takes one Mistake. To expose you to identity theft. Lifelock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second. If your identity is stolen. And we'll fix it, guaranteed. Or your money back. Save up to 40% your first [e-mail] specialoffer terms apply. We're here with Adam Scott and. Okay, we left off when you were 16.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Flash forward to today. What are you up to after the show?

[Adam Scott]

Wow. Are we gonna. We're skipping, like, 20 years.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not really interested in all that bullshit. So what's going on today? What do you got?

[Adam Scott]

Well, I'm actually. I have to thank you for.

[Scott Aukerman]

You are welcome.

[Adam Scott]

Pushing our time up today for the show because.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's right. We were gonna be doing it about an hour and a half from now, but you called and said, hey, I gotta do this super early in the morning.

[Adam Scott]

I have this kind of a. It's not that big of a deal, but kind of a big meeting today. So I had this.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's great.

[Adam Scott]

Well, push it to the morning.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's awesome. So what are you up to tonight after the meeting?

[Adam Scott]

Well.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or wait, do you want to talk about the meeting?

[Adam Scott]

I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a. I probably shouldn't talk about it. It's not a big deal, but I have a. Just this meeting I'm gonna hit up right after this. Gotta run over to BH at Beverly Hills and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bh? Is that what you call it?

[Adam Scott]

Well, if you're in a rush, you just. It's just bh, so it's not a big deal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sounds pretty amazing. It sounds like a great meeting, and I wish you well in all of your.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, it is. It's kind of a big meeting. I mean, it's like. Like with a few guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sounds big. Just. Just from the way that you are talking about it. Sounds important to you, and I hope it goes well for you, and I hope that you are successful in all of your endeavors.

[Adam Scott]

I mean, the three guys that I'm meeting with are all. They're all kind of big figures in entertainment. I mean, I probably shouldn't talk about it, so.

[Scott Aukerman]

I understand that totally. A lot of people don't like to.

[Adam Scott]

Talk about Spielberg and David Geffen and. And what's his name. Fucking Jeffrey Katzenberg. So we're, like, thinking about. Oh, yeah, we're thinking about starting. Just starting something up, like getting. Just putting our heads together and starting up a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Starting. Starting up a new company.

[Adam Scott]

Maybe, like. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know.

[Adam Scott]

I probably shouldn't talk about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I remember when dreamworks came out, it was dreamworks skg.

[Adam Scott]

It doesn't have anything to do with that.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this would be totally separate skg.

[Adam Scott]

No, it doesn't have anything to do with that, Scott. It's a different. It's a different.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, it doesn't have. It doesn't have to do with entertainment or.

[Adam Scott]

No, it doesn't have to do with that other thing they did, the DreamWorks. I don't even know what that is. We just. It's just a new thing that we're. I don't know, we're just gonna get into a room and kind of jazz. You know, like jazz. Just throw ideas out there and let them all kind of meld together and see what we come up with.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it seems. It seems like you four are all in the entertainment industry. It seems like the ideas would focus on maybe.

[Adam Scott]

Maybe, you know, I don't know. It's. You know, to walk in with preconceptions to. To a meeting like that with, you know, three big head, big minds, it makes. I don't know. I just don't want to go in there with any sort of idea of what it's going to be because that could really fuck it up. Excuse my language.

[Scott Aukerman]

I understand that. Don't use that kind of language in the meeting.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, no, I'm not going to. But you know what? Those guys, they're so, like. What? They're so kind of free, and that's how they come up with those kinds of ideas. So if they say the F word, then I'm going to throw one in. I don't know. See, again, I don't want to walk in there with any sort of.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you are planning on, if they say the F word, to say it right back to them?

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, I mean, why not? I totally would.

[Scott Aukerman]

So 15 years ago or whenever, they just kind of freeform, jazzed, and they came up with, hey, let's start a studio together.

[Adam Scott]

I don't know. It's nothing to do with that.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's so amazing.

[Adam Scott]

I don't know anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

I didn't even know that Geffen was even talking to those two, let alone Katzenberg.

[Adam Scott]

Seems like we were all talking together in, like, you know, 70 minutes, so it's not a big deal.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Wow.

[Adam Scott]

All right, well, anyway, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I probably shouldn't have brought it up anyway.

[Scott Aukerman]

I look forward to seeing what you.

[Adam Scott]

Guys come up with, or you probably shouldn't have asked me about it, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'M sorry, I was trying to stay away from. Okay, well, that sounds great. Well, let's all say our prayers for Adam and make sure that. I mean, I guess when you're as successful as Adam Scott, you don't need prayers said about you. What do you think about prayers? People praying for you?

[Adam Scott]

I mean, you know what? I'll take any positive energy I can. I can get out there, but you know, I don't. I don't. You know what it is? I don't align myself with any particular religion or I'm more spiritual than religious. Do you know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

I always thought that about you.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's because that's who I am and kind of what I project when I'm out there kind of just walking through the world.

[Scott Aukerman]

Uh huh. So people see you. So if people see you out in the world, then. Then one would get that sense about you that you're.

[Adam Scott]

I don't know, Scott. I don't walk out into the world planning on what I'm gonna project. It doesn't, it doesn't make any.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, well, well, well, wait. Oh, we're in the middle of a show, sir.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm afraid the show is gonna have to come to a stop for a moment.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Do you see what I'm saying?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Of course. Shut up. You've got a Glock on your face. Scott Aukerman.

[Adam Scott]

I am. Hello. I don't even know what to say.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know whether I should be talking. I have a Glock in my face. Can I talk into the microphone?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

As long as you kneel before me.

[Adam Scott]

Oh my. Maybe you should put the Glock down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Can I listen, Mr. Scott?

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, who are you talking to? Me or Adam?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I address people by their last names. If I was talking to you, Mr. Rockerman, or call you Mr. Rockerman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I'm glad we have that cleared. And you just.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I want you both on your knees for the listener.

[Scott Aukerman]

You move the Glock over to Adam. So I have to say, but now.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

There'S another Glock on the airfare.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, he pulled out two Glocks.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Two Glocks. One of them roller proof and one of them not.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, you're crossing your arms, pointing your. The Glock in your left hand at Adam and the one in your right.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Hand, just like the scarecrow in wizard of Oz.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think it would be easier if you were to uncross your arms and point the opposite Glock at the opposite.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You think I'm stupid? You think I'm A moron. I know it's easier to knock one out of my hands if I'm in the process of untwisting them.

[Adam Scott]

I have to say I think that's a great way of doing it.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, I rest them here while I lean into the microphone. It's easiest this way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me just explain what's happening to the listener. We have an open door policy here.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

At cdr, Radio Worm, Explain it to them right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I will kneel in one second. But apparently this has backfired and we are in some sort of hostage situation.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alan Rickman just walked into the studio.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm Alan Rickman.

[Scott Aukerman]

And he's.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

While I'm taking Comedy Death Ray hostage.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alan Rickman walks into the studio with. With two machine guns and is pointing them at us, sir.

[Adam Scott]

Alan Rickman, I believe.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

They're not machine guns. More on their automatic pistols.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, they're Glocks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, we gotta do some Santa Cruz Googling.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. Were you knighted, sir? I believe you were.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I was knighted, but I turned it down. I chose to become the Sheriff of Nottingham.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, my God.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm literally the Sheriff of Nottingham.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so Alan Rickman seems to be confused now where he thinks he's the.

[Adam Scott]

Sheriff of Nottingham from a movie from 1991.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

It might be confusing to someone like you, Mr. Rockerman, but I'm afraid that I'm here for a reason and you play a very important part. As do you, Mr. Scott.

[Adam Scott]

Really?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Of course you do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, Mr. Rickman, you're the Sheriff of Nottingham. I'm sorry, but you're holding guns that you carried in Die Hard.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, I'm not tied to the period of the 1100s. The sheriff of Nottingham is a continuous office that people have to fulfill.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I see. You are. You are Alan Rickman.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm literally the Sheriff of Nottingham.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so you're Alan Rickman who has become the sheriff.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm out of my jurisdiction, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, what did we do to you, sir, that. That. That has made you come over here and to point guns at us?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, I'm afraid you're a bit of a bystander and you happen to be in the wrong place at just the right time. You see. Are you familiar with the Metro Red Line? The subway car running underneath Hollywood?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, yeah, it was.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, neither has the Los Angeles Police Department.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, no.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

And that's how I plan to escape after I've pulled off my master plan here today.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just like Dennis Hopper, Inspector. Which was sort of prescient because that Movie came out before the red line was completed.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. There was no subway when that movie came out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. But now it looks like. Wow. It was like they were telling the future.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, yes. But it's perfectly in operation and it runs right underneath your studio here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Uh huh.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

And don't think I'm not gonna leave without what I came for.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm really confused about what you came for. You want us to kneel? Is that all you want?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I wanted you to kneel before me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we haven't done that yet. Should we?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yes. Kneel before me.

[Adam Scott]

All right. I mean, I don't mind. I'm a huge fan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, let me take the mic down.

[Adam Scott]

There we go.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Okay. Well, that's more like it. You see, I feel like a proper gay villain. As the Sheriff of Nottingham. The first rule is you always have the hero's kneel.

[Scott Aukerman]

You specialize in playing gay villains?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yes, you might say so.

[Scott Aukerman]

You played it in Harry Potter where you play the gay teacher who. Who becomes a gay villain.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yes, the gay wizard.

[Scott Aukerman]

The gay wizard.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm a gay wizard. I'm a gay huntsman in the Lincoln Forest. Sherwood Forest. Next to Lincoln Forest. Lincoln Green.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Adam Scott]

Were you. Did you play the Sheriff of Nottingham gay?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yes, I played the Sheriff of Nottingham Gay.

[Adam Scott]

Okay.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

And I only wanted to marry Maid Marian out of spite.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ah, I remember that. I remember you wanted to cancel Christmas too.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

And I will, for just someone, cancel Christmas and I will force your wives to marry me. Both of you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Uh huh.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

But that's not my plan here today. That's a little bit of a denouement. You see, I'm here for comedy Death Race Gold, Mr. Ockerman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Death ray's gold. I mean, I think you are mistaking the reviews of the show for something physical.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm not talking about a Time Life collection of comedy death ray clips.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, of course not. I just. I feel like you may have read that in a review that the show is so good that people think it's gold and you think that I have gold.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm afraid you're not gonna get out of it that easy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you're right.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I've done my review that says that you were stupid enough to tweet that you had gold and I followed you here because I know where you broadcast from. Hand it over, rockerman. I've got my escape route planned and I came here to get your gold and I want it now.

[Adam Scott]

Not only do you have your escape route planned, but you're telling everyone about your escape route.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, I Started with you. Well, you're under the false impression that I have to get out of here with the gold. What if I got all of Comedy Death Ray's gold reserves and I didn't have to escape with them?

[Scott Aukerman]

What the fuck are you talking about? I understand.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, see, that's where the plan becomes impossible. What if the idea wasn't to escape with it at all, but simply to get the film rights? Oh, and that's where you come in, Mr. Scott.

[Adam Scott]

Wait, who are you talking about?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wait, the last name, last.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

No, this time I was talking to you, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I was taught, switch it up in the middle.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

It wasn't as fast formal, so I went with.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, now that I've knelt before you, we've gotten to know each other.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yes. I'm now sitting down, and you're kneeling before me. And he's kneeling. And we're on a first name, Mr. Scott basis.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so now you want the film rights. In what way?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, that's where you. That's where you come in, Mr. Adam. Okay, I want the film rights. And I know you're attending a meeting with Jeffrey Katzenberg and David Gevan.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is not a film meeting, though. This is just kind of a brainstorming sesh.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I want DreamWorks to film my takeover of the Metro Red line.

[Adam Scott]

Okay, well, Mr. Sheriff of Nottingham, again, my meeting with these three guys who have the biggest brains in Hollywood. By the way, earlier, when I said slip of the tongue and I said big heads.

[Scott Aukerman]

Big heads.

[Adam Scott]

I don't think that I mean big brains.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, they do have big heads.

[Adam Scott]

You mean as in egos?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Maybe I'm.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no. I just need all the armies.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, large craniums.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

You know, maybe they do. I don't know, Scott. I don't walk into a room, think, hey, big craniums, whatever. I don't walk in with preconceived notions. They have big brains. I don't mean they have big heads. That was a slip of the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're saying their brains are larger than another human's brain?

[Adam Scott]

Obviously. But what I'm saying is what I'm doing today has nothing to do with Dreamworks or whatever that company. I don't even know anything about that.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

DreamWorks, SKG.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whatever it is.

[Adam Scott]

I'm not walking in there with these ideas.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

So you mean my entire plan is ruined because you're not Dreamworks?

[Scott Aukerman]

How did you know about his meeting?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Because I was listening on a citizen band radio outside the podcast booth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, hold on. You're listening To a citizen band radio. And then you came up with this plan on the fly stand.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I stand up. I stand up. Calling off the operation.

[Adam Scott]

Oh my God.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You can't get me, Kassenberg. Un kneel. Un kneel. Now you fucks it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

So stand up. Or just kind of return to our seats.

[Adam Scott]

My knees hurt.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yeah, sit down Indian style if you want.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm gonna get back in my chair.

[Adam Scott]

Can I just get in my chair?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yeah, alright, fair enough.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alright, now why don't you sit down? Since we're all friends, we're on a.

[Adam Scott]

First name basis and there's no more plan to take over the comedy gold.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you want the gold? By the way, I have a hard.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Time keeping any appointments unless I schedule some sort of takeover or evil plot to get my foot in the door.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, see now that's interesting because I had invited you on the show. You've had an outs invitation for years and you've always turned it down. I didn't realize about the whole sheriff of Dunningham thing. I just. You know, I'm a big fan of your gay work and I just. So you scheduled this whole plan just so you could be on the show?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I just was a little bit horny. I woke up with a morning wood and two loaded glocks and I thought I'd get my rocks off.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you talking about your balls right now?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

What did you think I had pointed in your faces?

[Adam Scott]

Those are your testicles?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yes. Ah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess I didn't look at it too much. Me neither.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I feel it, Mr. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Scott]

This is definitely a testicle.

[Scott Aukerman]

How's it feel?

[Adam Scott]

It feels like a Glock, but you.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

See it pulsing and twisting. And I've got two of them and they stretch out so I can hold them in my hands and twist them across each other.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, so you're you. You woke up horny and you thought that you would come over here and do what with us?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

It's hard to get my mind around a fantasy when I've already beaten Robin Hood several times.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now hold on. You specialize in playing gay villains, but I. Are you an actual gay actor?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, it doesn't matter, does it, what I do in my private life?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you're the one who came in here waving your testicles around.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, maybe I'm a man of certain means and certain proclivities at times. You know, of course I'm married.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Of course I'm married.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're an actor.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, I'm not gonna rule anything out though. Okay, You Think I should rule something out just because I'm not.

[Adam Scott]

You know what?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm sitting with a boyfriend right now.

[Adam Scott]

I'm with you, Mr. Rickman. I mean, I think walking into a room with any sort of preconception is a big mistake. So I totally know where you're coming. As a fellow actor, I totally know where from you're coming. You're coming from.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yes. Like, I walked in the room here not knowing what it was gonna go, but I thought I'd put. I always have a team of people in the helicopter ready to take over a building whenever I go in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hmm.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

So I thought I'd give it a try.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you've called off the team, though, and now we're.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Well, I'm glad that you made it on the show. It's. It's nice to meet you finally. Have you ever done a movie with. With Mr. Rickman here? No, I'm sorry. Alan. Mr. Allen.

[Adam Scott]

Mr. Allen, it is great to see you again. I don't know if you remember, but we met briefly at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival back in 1991.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, a lot of people have been to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

[Adam Scott]

No, I know, but I actually had an interaction with.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but a lot of people have been there. It's not really.

[Adam Scott]

And it was an interaction about Santa Cruz, believe it or not.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, yes, I remember you. The little worm from Santa Cruz.

[Adam Scott]

Well, I don't know about. I was a teenage boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I went to Santa Cruz once, though. I went to the Shakespeare there.

[Adam Scott]

Scott, you know what? God damn it.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I was in a booth. I was in a booth doing Shakespeare monologues, I believe.

[Adam Scott]

That's right. And it was absolutely incredible. You would just walk up and you would put, like, seven pounds into just kind of a slot, and then Mr. Rickman would just start doing Shakespeare soliloquies.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

And if I got one word wrong, they would dunk me into whipped cream.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was incredible. How did you get a word wrong?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm not good at Shakespeare, so every time. I know I know the. And I know that I know, but I don't know the words. And if I get the words wrong, and then I dunk me in whipped.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cream, so, you know, it's iambic contaminator. You would just go, da, da, da.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Da, da, da, da. But the thing is, they have to notice that you've messed it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mmm, I see.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

If you can fake. If you fake it, they don't dunk.

[Scott Aukerman]

I had a friend who talked about that doing Shakespeare. If you ever forget the words he would call it bard libbing, where you just kind of throw out a bunch of Shakespearean talk that kind of sounds like it's in.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

And time doth clock at an impassable rate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here we go. All right, someone get ready to dunk him.

[Adam Scott]

The funny thing is, is at the time I. Oh, that was from King Lear. I knew Shakespeare quite well because I grew up in Santa Cruz, so I went to the Shakespeare festival.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I knew Shakespeare.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. And I was one of them, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

A lot of people grew up.

[Adam Scott]

So I knew when Mr. Rickman got a word wrong. And I. And I dunked you quite a few times.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You dunked me in whipped cream a few times. Well, maybe it's your time today, Mr. Scott.

[Adam Scott]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Stop pointing your testicles at us.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, well, well.

[Scott Aukerman]

The whipped cream that you're talking about, we are not in interested in.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, I was dunked in whipped cream. And let me tell you, vengeance will be mine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please don't pull your penis out. Please.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, no, my penis isn't pulled out. The Glock balls can come out on their own at any time.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, this is getting strange.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

This is getting strange. This is how I get my rocks off. How do you think I feel, Mr. Rockerman?

[Scott Aukerman]

I have no idea.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

We're back to formalities again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Okay. Sorry that our relationship took a dip there.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, you should apologize. You're emotionally distant.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, guys.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

It's all about you, you, you, you, you running your show.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, it's nice that there could be this reunion.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, I mean, it's. I thought it was. It was nice to see you again. I'm just gonna keep it at that.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, nice to see you, Mr. Scott, as well. You're talking to Mr. Adam, I should say.

[Adam Scott]

Okay, thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're friendly with him, but.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

But not with you.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, it's time for.

[Adam Scott]

Nice to see you too, Mr. Allen.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's time. Time for Address me formally one of our newest features on the show, Nottingham Sheriff of Nurse.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

We played it a little while back. It's time for guess the misheard lyric. Alright. It's time for guess the misheard lyrics. We all know how this is played. It's barely worth talking about the rules.

[Adam Scott]

Well, I would actually like to hear the rules.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay then. Well, I'll go into it a little bit. I have a series of. You've all heard songs on the radio and you think the lyrics are one thing and then you find out the lyrics are another.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I've never heard a song on the radio.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this game is gonna be very tough for you then.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

But I record live radio and have it. I listen to it seconds afterwards.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, on a walkie talkie.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

My own delay. On a citizen band.

[Adam Scott]

But not music. Just.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm too busy. When I'm listening to live radio, it's people barking commands and orders, taking over one building or another.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, just try to play along if you can, but what's gonna happen is I will say an artist, a band or an artist, and I will say what the incorrect lyric is, and it is your job to tell me what the correct lyric is. I'm sure you've read song lyrics, Alan, over the years, so you're familiar with them. Maybe not as familiar as you are with Shakespeare.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, no, of course. Music is poetry, and I'm aware of that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, good. So you will be able to play along.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I've heard music. What do you think, I'm some kind of Luddite?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, your backstory is very confusing.

[Adam Scott]

You just told us that you don't listen to music. It's not a big deal.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I don't listen to music on the radio. I listen to music off the radio.

[Adam Scott]

Like on CDs or anything besides the.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Medium of radio cassettes. Busy? Yes, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ipod A tracks.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I prefer it as the IBM one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Old 78s.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Newer ones.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the newer 78?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Shrink wrapped 78.

[Adam Scott]

What's the IBM?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I go to Amoeba when they forget the new 78s.

[Adam Scott]

In every Tuesday.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Every Tuesday.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so here we go. We will basically score points whenever you get one, right? And we'll count up the points at the end, and whoever wins, wins. All right, so we'll start with Mr. Scott.

[Adam Scott]

I'm sorry, are you talking about yourself?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I'm sorry. We're on a first name basis. I'll start with you, Adam. Here we go. All right, the artist is the Bee Gees. And the incorrect lyric is. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Steak and a knife. Steak and a knife. What is the correct lyric?

[Adam Scott]

Um, well. Staying alive. Staying alive.

[Scott Aukerman]

That is correct. One point for you. Yes. Congratulations. It's as easy as that. So that was.

[Adam Scott]

That was really easy.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

That was really easy. Stick.

[Scott Aukerman]

They get a little harder as we go on, so.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Especially since that was the unreleased third verse of that song.

[Adam Scott]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so now on to you, Mr. Rickman. The. The band is Queen. All right.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, I did that.

[Scott Aukerman]

No disrespect.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Be familiar with the work of Queen.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, the misheard lyric is the algebra Has a devil for a sidekick, E. All right, and what is the correct lyric?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

The devil. Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Correct. Yes. You each have a point. Very. It's that simple.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

How very apropos.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is that simple. All right, here we go. Turning to Adam. Now, Toto, do you remember the band Toto, back from your taffy days? Sure. Here we go.

[Adam Scott]

It was pre taffy, but okay, so.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'Re in the PT Era. All right. There's nothing that a hundred men on Mars could ever do. There's nothing that 100 men on Mars could ever.

[Adam Scott]

Well, I think that's.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Now you're cheating. Adding a melody to it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I can give a melody.

[Adam Scott]

I think that's the actual lyric.

[Scott Aukerman]

That is. No, that's not the actual lyric. That is a misheard lyric. Oh, so you've gone your whole life thinking that is the actual lyric. I mean, I'm not saying you think.

[Adam Scott]

About something that a hundred men on Mars could ever do. I thought that was the lyric.

[Scott Aukerman]

That is not the lyric. So do you have a guess what it could be? Possibly.

[Adam Scott]

There's nothing that 100 men on Mars could ever do. That's. That's what I.

[Scott Aukerman]

That is incorrect. The actual lyric. There's nothing that a hundred men on Venus could ever do.

[Adam Scott]

That's not true.

[Scott Aukerman]

That is true. I'm sorry. That is the actual lyric. All right, turning to Mr. Rickman now, Brian Adams is the artist.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, awful. Why don't you just throw cottage cheese on my face?

[Adam Scott]

Well, if I remember correctly, he did the. The love ballad from Robin, Prince of Thieves.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yeah, so I hated that song.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's the villain of Robin Hood.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Why wasn't he singing more stanzas about the Sheriff of Nottingham? All this. Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin Hood at all times. That's sick to death.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was an egregious oversight. All right, so Bryan Adams. Not a fan. You may remember this song. Got my first real sex dream. I was five at the time. Got my first real sex dream.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I was 5 69.

[Scott Aukerman]

But what is the real lyric there?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I've got my first six string. And I got my really first six string. I got my very first six string.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I'm so sorry. The actual lyric is, got my first real sex dream. I was five inches at the time.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Five inches at the bottom.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's trying to say his cock grew as he grew older. Yeah, sorry.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

What if he's not. What if it just stayed there?

[Scott Aukerman]

That is a great question.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

What if he was just embarrassed and it just stayed at that size the entire time.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, turning to Adam now. Starship, do you remember this is possibly the PT area post Taffy Starship or.

[Adam Scott]

No, that pre Taffy.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, Starship might be. That's 87. So that seems like it might be Midtaffy.

[Adam Scott]

No, Starship. Their big hit was 85, I believe.

[Scott Aukerman]

85 or 86 or 87. I thought it was 87 because it's in the.

[Adam Scott]

Well, let's see.

[Scott Aukerman]

Isn't it in the credits to Mannequin? I'm not sure, but here it is.

[Adam Scott]

Mannequin is like 84, 85.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no.

[Adam Scott]

86.

[Scott Aukerman]

87. We built this city on logs and coal. That is the incorrect lyric. What is the actual lyric?

[Adam Scott]

Well, the actual lyric is we built this city on rock and roll.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, very close. The actual lyric is she silt piss, pretty con socks Hambol. You have to really listen to it carefully. What is that?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

She shook simps bitty on Cocks and Bull. You know that song?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. See man, I'm sorry. If you would have had that one, you would have gotten it.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

She shook spitty.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alright, turning to Mr. Rickman. Now, this is traditional.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

This is a traditional Turn slowly if you know what's good for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a traditional Christmas carol. The incorrect lyric is. Now bring us some friggin pudding. What is the real lyric?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Bring us some figgy pudding.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, again, incorrect. Adam, you probably know this. The actual lyric is. Yo Snooki, stop being a grenade and bring us some friggin pudding. Yeah. Sincerely the Situation and Pauly D. They signed it at the end of that. I'm so sorry.

[Adam Scott]

How old is that song?

[Scott Aukerman]

That song's only a year old.

[Adam Scott]

But this. No, that Christmas wasn't written by hundreds of years old.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

No, no, that song, thousands of years old.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're confusing it with Silent Night. That song was written last year at the height of Jersey Shore mania. Okay, okay.

[Adam Scott]

See, I. I could have sworn that that song, like I grew up with that song. Jersey Shore's only been around for like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Two or three years.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, Holy Night.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the one you're thinking.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Holy night.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Ring ting a ling ding ting a ding. Merry Christmas.

[Scott Aukerman]

Turning to you, Adam. Madonna. You a big Madonna fan?

[Adam Scott]

Sure. Can you just tell me the final. Just the final stanza of that previous lyric.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sincerely, the Situation and Pauly D. Okay, all right. You remember it.

[Adam Scott]

Ok, you're turning me around on this.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so a Madonna bee.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, here we go. The incorrect lyric is like a surgeon cutting for the very first time.

[Adam Scott]

Okay, well, I believe that would be like a virgin touched for the very first time.

[Scott Aukerman]

So close. It's actually. Eat it. Eat it. Get yourself an egg and beat it. Okay, sorry, sorry.

[Adam Scott]

But I think that's. That's the weird al lyric for his spoof of Beat it by Michael Jackson.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not what my research here says. Sorry.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Everything about Michael Jackson has been whitewashed since his death. Really very hard to get accurate information about him at this point.

[Scott Aukerman]

My good friend Jesse Ventura would probably agree with that.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

He probably would.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so you'd have to book.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Him once in a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

You guys are tied. There's one left. And it goes to Mr. Rickman here. And you can win with this. Alright?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You mean victory is in my grasp?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, it is.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I like victory to be there just, right out, just. Just in my grasp. I don't actually like to win. I just like to be on the verge of victory here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alright, so the. The.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I may as well have won.

[Scott Aukerman]

The. The incorrect lyric is. This is the Rolling Stones. By the way, are you a fan of the Rolling Stones at all?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, yes, of course. All right, so the incorrect Ryan Jones is a wizard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. The incorrect lyric is I'll never leave your pizza burnin'. Okay. I'll never leave your pizza burnin'. What is the actual lyric?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

We'll never. We'll never leave. Will never leave your pizza burnin'. That's what. That's what it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, the. Yeah, the actual lyric. What is.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, this will never leave you pizza burning. Because we're experts at making pizza perfect on time every time. Because time is on our side. The Rolling Stones pizza makes Wolfgang Puck look like Wolfgang Schmuck. All of our pizzas cost very little dough. That's the Rolling Stones pizza company promised. And every pizza is hand tossed by Mick and hand delivered by Keith. Your satisfaction is guaranteed. Or we'll sing satisfaction to your grandma. We're so crazy about pizza, we're considering changing our name from the Rolling Stones to the Rolling Pins. As in rolling out pizza dough. So what are you waiting for? Call 1-800-ROLLING STONES changes their name to rollingpins.com now.

[Scott Aukerman]

That is right. Wow, he got it right. That is amazing.

[Adam Scott]

That was incredible.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You mean I won?

[Scott Aukerman]

You won. You are the winner.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

It's not as fulfilling as having victory in your grasp.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've never won before in a movie.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I've never won a thing. I've come so close.

[Adam Scott]

Well, this is new territory for you, Alan. You can. I don't know. You can. The world is yours at this point.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

So I've won.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, this.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

So you might. We might as well hand over the gold, then, that I came with.

[Scott Aukerman]

Normally in a movie, you're super close, and then it's snatched from you from. From the hero.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Snatched when it was all. When it was. When I literally had it at my fingertips.

[Adam Scott]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that is, of course, how we play Guess the Misheard lyrics. All right, congratulations to Mr. Rickman, that is.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm on a party. What do you think you do when you win? You party, motherfuckers. Oh, God.

[Adam Scott]

Put him away. Put him away. Put him away.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, let's take another break, hear another song from Heidecker and Wood. This is she Left yout on Comedy Death Ray Radio. We'll be right back with Adam Scott and a little more Alan Rickman after this.

[Adam Scott]

I don't mean to interrupt your meal, but I love Geico's fast and friendly claim service.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, that's how Geico gets 97% customer satisfaction.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

I'll let you get back to your food.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

So are you just gonna watch me eat?

[Adam Scott]

Get more than just savings.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get more with Geico. Adam Pally here, and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, Staying Alive. We'll have guests like our friend, actor Jerry O', Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Scheer, Ego Wolf, Jillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle. Staying alive with John Gabris. And Adam Pally is out right now. Get them a week early and ad free with Sirius XM Podcast plus on Apple podcasts. Confronting high credit card debt can feel scary. But the good news is if you owe $10,000 or more in credit card debt, financial relief options are now available. National Debt Relief is currently offering debt relief designed to reduce what you owe, fast tracking your way to being debt free. If you qualify for debt relief, you may be able to pay back significantly less than what you owe and save thousands of dollars. Imagine only paying one low monthly program payment you can afford and saving money as you become debt free. National Debt Relief has already helped bring debt relief to over 550,000 US consumers, earning thousands of five star reviews and an A rating with the Better Business Bureau. You're stronger than your credit card debt. Take the first step and visit nationaldebtrelief.com to see what debt relief you qualify for? That's nationaldebtrelief.com I'm Hans Hauserman and I'm here with Adam Scott and the very intriguing yet confusing Alan Rickman, who we made up during the break.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

It will all make perfect sense soon enough.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, that is the master plan we made up during break. We're now on a first name basis.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yes. You're Scott. Yes, I've come to terms with that. I've laid down both of my testicles. Disarmed them for the moment.

[Adam Scott]

It is weird that you laid them down, too.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I laid them down here on the broadcasting table. What else am I gonna do with them? Put them back in my pants? Blow my kneecaps off?

[Adam Scott]

We wish you would.

[Scott Aukerman]

Adam, we do want to talk to you, and maybe you'll have an opinion on this. Alan, we do want to talk to you about Parks and Rec. It's coming back. We never found out if it's for a third or a fourth season, but. But it is coming back. And you're on that. It's running currently. And season finale coming up.

[Adam Scott]

Well, we have nine more episodes. Nine more new episodes before the season ends. So the finale, I believe, will be in May at some point.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought I'd read it was in April or something.

[Adam Scott]

No, unless you can fit. I mean, do the math, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have nine. Here we go.

[Adam Scott]

Nine more originals. What is it? May? March.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, today it's March 28th. Okay, so maybe you have eight more.

[Adam Scott]

No, we have nine more.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's March 28th today, so you probably have eight more.

[Adam Scott]

It's March 21st.

[Scott Aukerman]

See? It's March 28th.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, I know. I was just kidding.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's March 28th. Is that like your Portland joke?

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. So I want to see how many people Google March 20. What's the big deal? I like you know, keeping, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Keeping Google on its toes.

[Adam Scott]

Google spikes.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you have eight more episodes.

[Adam Scott]

Eight more episodes. The one that just aired is the camping episode, and I think the one after that.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you have one on the 31st, one on the 7th, 14th, 21st, 28th.

[Adam Scott]

Actually, I think one of them is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Going to be 12th, 19th, so probably May 19th.

[Adam Scott]

Probably something like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so. And it's been a great season so far. The Harvest Festival is up and running.

[Adam Scott]

And the Harvest Festival, which a lot of people thought was gonna be like a season long arc. And the Harvest Festival would be kind.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of the last episode.

[Adam Scott]

Season finale on the sixth episode. We got right to it. So the Harvest Festival is in the past and the rest of the season is just.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was a great success. And how was it? And this is a technical question, but was there a lot of CGI on that last big, amazing crane shot? Was that cgi, or did you go to an actual festival?

[Adam Scott]

Well, there was a little CGI there, but there actually was a real harvest festival up in the valley that we went and shot at.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, which valley?

[Adam Scott]

The San Fernando Valley in Los Angeles. Have you ever been up there?

[Scott Aukerman]

Were you guys plan. Yeah, once or twice. I don't want to insult you on occasion.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I've been up there.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't want to insult you.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Always by helicopter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Were you guys planning the whole season around a harvest festival that was naturally occurring in the San Fernando Valley?

[Adam Scott]

I don't know. I'm not the location scout. I'm not a production designer. I just show up.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't do that on the show.

[Adam Scott]

No, Scott, look. How do you call it?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Your own work of art?

[Adam Scott]

I'm ready to put this rumor to rest. I am not a location scout. I am not the production designer.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

How do you call yourself an artist then?

[Adam Scott]

Listen, Mr. Rickman, you jump in and.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You take control of the project, and you make it yours.

[Adam Scott]

I am sorry for dunking you into the whipping cream over and over again, but you could not get it right. You couldn't get it right.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, you were right. It was. It was we few. We happy few. We.

[Adam Scott]

Okay, look, if there was whipped cream right here, I would dunk you into it right now.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Rind of systems.

[Scott Aukerman]

Out. Out. Damn.

[Adam Scott]

Spot butchering.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, yes, I know that one. Out, out, out. But you're not supposed to say it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, how am I supposed to tell you which one, then? The one where Lady Macbeth talks about a spouse. Yeah. Said it again.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You've cursed us.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Macbeth is what we're.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, now the third one.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so Parks and reckon.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

No, the Scottish blade curse really works on me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait. Macbeth?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm so thoroughly an actor that it hurts my heart.

[Adam Scott]

But we didn't say it backstage. I mean, I think the rule is that you can't say it.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm always performing.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is that rule? You can't say it backstage.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

The world is a stage.

[Adam Scott]

But I guess for Mr. Rickman, it's everywhere. Like, everywhere is fair game. You just do not say the words.

[Scott Aukerman]

How would you ever say that? You're going to see.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

If I were going. Hold up. I'm sorry. I'm gonna take an Aspen. Well, if I were going to see. If I were going to see the Scottish Play. I would be very careful about making the arrangements. I would go through a third party.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would go through kayak, travel planners.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Travelocity or something and say, I wanna go see a play. And then narrow it down, you know, I want to see one of the histories.

[Adam Scott]

So if you were to buy your tickets online, like, could you even type the name of the play in? Or is that.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I wouldn't type it, no. Because the world. I'm always performing, the world is my stage.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, we get that.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

So if I'm typing, there's an audience. If it's not. If it's not a literal audience of ticket takers, then it's Dionysus himself looking down at whatever I do.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if you had a sister?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, boy, you are bored. Maybe if you worshiped at the altar of Dionysus, you'd be more than having a harvest festival and. All right, a coimba, Mr. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, shut the fuck up for a second. What if you had. What if you had a sister named Beth and you were trying to tell her that she should wear a Mac or buy a Mac? Even better. Like, like, hey, hey, I'm your sister Beth. What kind of computer should I buy?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

There are many ways that I could tell her to do that. There's only one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you say, go buy a Scottish play?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

No, no. Listen, Beth, why don't you go find a Mac? That's not. That's not saying the word. It's playing around with elements of the word.

[Scott Aukerman]

But what if you wanted to say her name as the last element in a sentence?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Magic spells. Magic spells don't work if you mix up the word stupid.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I'm sorry, I never took gay wizard school. I don't know these. These rules.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

No, no, of course. Why would I point at her and say macbeth? I've got double, double toil trouble. Hand over your gold.

[Adam Scott]

Speaking in tongues.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Gay tongues.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've had a few gay tongues in your mouth, haven't you?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, well, I told you before, it's all an ambiguous mystery.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

When you're on the Virgin Islands, you do the Virgin island thing, all right?

[Adam Scott]

Virgin Islands.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, of course, you know, I have my little parties there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Sort of arrangements you make when you're in Miami.

[Adam Scott]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, we're gonna do one of our least loved features on the show now.

[Adam Scott]

Great.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is something that's terrible, but I am really interested in seeing what Mr. Rick opinion is going to be of some of this.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

But, yes, I've got the holy spirit of the gays.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a terrible, terrible feature called Jukebox Jury. All right, Jukebox Jury is here. And engineer Doug, grab this mic.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

That would be a perfect song to play. If a hero entered my lair and found me.

[Adam Scott]

I think that would be a terrible song for that.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

No, it would be perfect because the counterpoint is there.

[Scott Aukerman]

So basically, Adam, you probably. And of course, Alan, you don't know what this is, but a lot of people, we play comedy songs on the show, and a lot of people say, hey, play my song. So.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, I've done this before.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you. Oh, did you do this last time you were here?

[Adam Scott]

No, I did this when you were at the other place.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. This is your third appearance on the show. We always love having it.

[Adam Scott]

Is it the third?

[Scott Aukerman]

I believe it's.

[Adam Scott]

We'll talk about after the show and.

[Scott Aukerman]

What season of Parks and Rec.

[Adam Scott]

Yep.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You paused. There was a pa. There was a pregnant pause when you realized it was the third appearance. Is there something special about the Mr. Scott?

[Adam Scott]

Well, the number three has a lot of meanings for me. I don't like to get into the song sort of thing.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You don't like to get in the number three?

[Adam Scott]

I have a meeting coming up.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Three guys with DreamWorks.

[Adam Scott]

All your dreams are coming together, guys. It's not. It has nothing to do.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Third comedy death ray. On the threshold of greatness as you join DreamWorks and become their God.

[Adam Scott]

DreamWorks is. Is not. I don't even know what that is. It's not important.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You will apotheosize as the God deity Adam Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, here we go. So basically, we play people's comedy songs and we make fun of them. All right, so excuse me, engineer Doug. What is the first song we're gonna play?

[Adam Scott]

This is Scotty Matthews with A Woman's Work is Never Done. He's with. Scotty Matthews is accompanied by Samson, his puppet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. A woman's work is never done.

[Adam Scott]

Will, if you be so kind.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Jesus. So this is like a YouTube recording.

[Adam Scott]

Work is never.

[Scott Aukerman]

And that's why they have so much fun. They got chores to do and kids to raise, and that's how women spend their days. And then men can give them money.

[Adam Scott]

To buy the things they need.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like what? Well, like mops and good detergents to.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Keep our clothes real clean. And if the time left over, they.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can use the restroom. But then make it snappy, cuz a woman's work is never done. And that keeps winning. Hey, we need two people to say cut it off. We can't do it with less than 2. It's like the nuclear keys. Two people have to turn it at the same time.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I put one of my. I put one of my balls in my mouth. I learned to blow my brains out.

[Scott Aukerman]

So are you saying turn it off?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Turn it off.

[Scott Aukerman]

We need one more person.

[Adam Scott]

Turn it off.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, here we go.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I didn't know I had the power.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, those are the rules. We need two people. Two of the three need to come to a consensus. All right, so let's break it down. Adam, what do you got?

[Adam Scott]

Are you. Are you talking to me?

[Scott Aukerman]

Mm.

[Adam Scott]

I thought it was. Is that an old song that he was kind of. It sounds like it may have been an old engineer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Engineer? Doug said it's his company, and he has a puppet or something to that effect. That's all the information we have to go on.

[Adam Scott]

I thought it was very well recorded. Um, I'm gonna leave it at that. I mean, I just kind of admire the recording.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alan, what do you got?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, I was. I was into it at first when I thought that every line rhymed with the next line, when they were all culprits.

[Adam Scott]

Like Shakespeare.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

They should have stuck with the couplets. I was scanning it. It was almost perfect iambic pentameter.

[Adam Scott]

You were scanning.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I was literally scanning it here on my little notepaper.

[Scott Aukerman]

I liked it because I like comedy songs that take a point of view which is opposite to what society should feel, and then explores it. So I really enjoy that.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

So you're gonna stand up. Up for the men's rights in this case?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And that's what a good comedy song does to me, is takes an extreme point of view and then explores every nook and cranny of it.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

No, no, I never. I don't. That's another thing is, once I got into it, I was like, I don't really care what a woman's place is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, see, now, that's your point of view.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yeah, sure. At home, fine. I really only am interested in women for the. For the purposes of spitefully getting back at a hero that I'm trying to fight.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right?

[Adam Scott]

Like Bonnie Bedelia in Die Hard.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Sure, sure. Yeah, exactly. Yes, of course. I married my wife just to spite someone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, who are you spiting?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Spiting Michael Kane.

[Scott Aukerman]

So do you give it a mustard or mustard or pants?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Which one is the worst?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's mustard or pants. Which one do you give it?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, boy. I'll give it mustard.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Absolutely.

[Adam Scott]

Pants.

[Scott Aukerman]

And engineer Doug. Mustard. All right. Two mustards, one pants. What do we have. Next we have Mike Vital with dead ass. Oh, this does not sound promising. Here we go. Dead ass. Mike Vital. Oh, starts good.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

My car smells like permanent blond.

[Adam Scott]

Permanent something.

[Scott Aukerman]

Permanent something blood. Hell yeah.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I need to get paid.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm about to drop this fat ass beat on you.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Come on, get ready.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here it comes.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

We were waiting for the fat ass beat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me introduce to you myself.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm the dopest.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I'm gonna give it a. Turn it off. We have another one. Queer.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Okay, that's exactly what I mean.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's exactly what you're looking for.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Perfect timing.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Fucking queer Ellen.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you know, what is there that could be said?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, what could be said is it was fantastic. I had me. I was enthralled at every moment.

[Scott Aukerman]

So fantastic. We could not hear another second.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

No, but I was on the edge of my seat ready to fall off. And you know what? If I could dunk him, I would dunk him. I would dunk him into mustard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay, so a mustard over here.

[Adam Scott]

I would dunk him into a vat of pants.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You mentioned Harris Wittles. That reminds me. You probably get to hang out with him a lot on the Parks and Rec set. A lot of people wonder. A lot of people write, are they gay?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Are they lovers?

[Adam Scott]

Who?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You and Harrison?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, people are not wondering that.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

That's exactly what everyone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone's wondering.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Embrace it.

[Adam Scott]

No one's ever be a villain.

[Scott Aukerman]

A lot of people write in to our message boards onyourwolf.com and they. They say, harris is not funny. Harris is.

[Adam Scott]

I think Harris had a great new character on your show last week. Jack. Is that the name of the character?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that was two weeks ago. Three weeks ago.

[Adam Scott]

A couple weeks ago, when he. The guy that works at the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jack at the lumber.

[Adam Scott]

At the lumber yard. Yeah, that was a hilarious.

[Scott Aukerman]

So that's about as funny as he is on the Parks and Rec set, right?

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, pretty. I mean, I think that's brilliantly funny. I actually did. I loved that character. I thought that was awesome.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ed, what do you give it? Mustard or pants?

[Adam Scott]

Mustard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mustard. Definite mustard for me too. All right, here we go. The last one. What do we got?

[Adam Scott]

We have Ryan Inman with treasure trove.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ryan Inman, treasure trove of. Of. I'm a treasure trove of. That's what I said in the first place. I'm a treasure trove of. I'm coming around on it. I actually kind of like it.

[Adam Scott]

Me too.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yo, yo, yo.

[Scott Aukerman]

The rapping starts.

[Adam Scott]

Is there A video with this one? No.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. I sort of like this kind of a John Spencer news explosion type of.

[Adam Scott]

Sounds. Like a guitar lesson mixed with a drum lesson.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

If they were trying to do an animal sacrifice.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm kind of enjoying it. I don't like comedy rapping. Let it turn off. I have a. No, I'm sorry. Keep it going. We need to.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I don't. I'm not gonna. I'm gonna hold out. I'm gonna hold out. I'm making a parliamentary move here, Mr. Ogilan.

[Scott Aukerman]

I put in my vote for a. Turn it off. We have one holdout.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Call it a filibuster.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's all. It's all up. Taylor.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

What are you going to do, Adam? Are you going to hold out?

[Scott Aukerman]

Becky Taylor.

[Adam Scott]

Okay, yeah, you can turn it off. I was just trying to figure out what he was saying.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is he talking about?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Victoria was in my grasp.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is it about comedy rapping? We've talked about it on the show, right? Engineer Doug. There's just something about comedy rapping that. But the Lonely island does it great.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, they do. They do.

[Scott Aukerman]

But they're actually like. They're not, it seems to me like they are not ever making fun of like, oh, isn't it funny that we're rapping? They just do really good rap.

[Adam Scott]

No, it seems like they genuinely love. It's the music they grew up like. I'm on a Boat is actually a pretty great song that's also hilarious.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what? So. But I'm not saying there was anything wrong with that one, but I wanted to turn it off.

[Adam Scott]

I liked the whole intro.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yes. I like that. You're a treasure trove of bitches. I think that's a really witty town of phrase. I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind meeting the treasure trove of bitches and introducing them to my pirate captain.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Not sure what that means.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

When I hear the word treasure trove, I immediately get horny and I feel like stealing someone's gold.

[Scott Aukerman]

You immediately start calling people on the.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yes. On the CB radio.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alright, so what do you give it then?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I think I would give it pants, but I would take it down to the tuxedo to get a new measured for a proper pair of pants.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right.

[Adam Scott]

And Adam, I think that's a worthy. Worthy. Worthy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you just gonna say worthy a lot?

[Adam Scott]

A worthy. A worthy. Oh, no, he's a worthy.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I shot down your Adam Scott, Mr. Rockerman.

[Adam Scott]

A worthy.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Are you believing me yet?

[Scott Aukerman]

A worthy. How did you do that?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Are you Believing me.

[Scott Aukerman]

How did you do that?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Kneel before me, Mr. Rockerman.

[Scott Aukerman]

I will kneel. I will kneel. He's a robot. How did you.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Scott is controlled by me, Alan Rickman. And I was only here. The gold is already gone. It's in the red line.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll give you the gold. I'll do whatever you want.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

The gold has been taken. I'll have all my. When I was yelling in that radio, my German slaves were removing it from your earwolf office. Now suck on my glop. Such a pretty face. You do such an adorable little face, Mr. Rockerman. Oh, no. Well, comedy death ray, I'm afraid it's time for me to make my exit from a helicopter waiting on the top of the building. Oh, stop it. It wasn't that bad. My cum tastes like strawberry chocolate. I know because I have it all the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do whatever you just please leave us alone.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm gonna leave you like this. Oliver.

[Adam Scott]

A worthy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm so sorry.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm so sorry for whatever I did to Adam. I'm so sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm so sorry for whatever I did to him.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Perfect, Scott.

[Adam Scott]

A worthy.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You've played your part like a worthy assistant.

[Adam Scott]

A worthy. A worthy. A worthy. A worthy analogy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you're back.

[Adam Scott]

I'm sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nothing.

[Adam Scott]

Where'd Alan go?

[Scott Aukerman]

He. I don't know. Something fucking crazy just happened. Huh.

[Adam Scott]

Anyway, I thought it was a pretty good analogy. I would also say go to the tailor and get the pants fitted right or whatever. It was pretty good, but. But not the rap part wasn't.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wish I had my gold back. Fuck.

[Adam Scott]

What's wrong, Scott?

[Scott Aukerman]

My gold's missing. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

[Adam Scott]

Wait a second. Allen's gone. The gold's gone. Wait, what happened?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. I just. We were in the middle of jukebox jury and then something fucking weird happened. I was sucking on his testicle. I don't want to talk about. I don't want to talk about it. Look, can we just do plugs? Can we just do plugs? Yeah, let's do plugs.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

This is the plug section. My God is God of gambling.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy different.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

The religion I follow once no bald.

[Scott Aukerman]

Styles except no face.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

If any gas at a comedy show, I buy tickets. No matter what it takes, I leave. And savonic.

[Scott Aukerman]

Far noise. That was by Joey Vosevic. In lieu of plugs, can I just. If Alan Rickman. If you're listening to this on a. On one of your broad CB radios, could you bring my Gold back. I kind of need my gold for. For later. Is there any way you can bring my gold back?

[Adam Scott]

Um.

[Scott Aukerman]

Adam, do you have anything to plug?

[Adam Scott]

Well, look, Scott, I'm. I'm really sorry that Mr. Rickman took your gold and I didn't even realize it was happening. I didn't even see it happen. I would. I would have tried to stop him, I guess.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I know that's why he incapacitated you is you always take out your strongest opponent first. Oh. Whoa.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Hello, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you hear what I said about my gold?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I was listening on the citizen band radio. Of course. I was monitoring all channels.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you monitor all channels?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Well, I have earwolf on channel 39.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's where.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yeah, that's where we broadcast from the antenna camera.

[Scott Aukerman]

Going back.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I would be glad to give you your gold back, but you'll have to wait. I've already put it to use in my Ponzi scheme.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I can get it back?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Yeah, I can get it back, but I'm gonna have to string you along like an investor for a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alright.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

As long as I get back, we're in business. You'll get it back by the time you retire. I promise you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can I get it by this afternoon?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Are you going to retire?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Do I have your word?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Shake my hand then.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not your hand.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

That's my hand. My hand looks like a penis.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not your hand.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

That's my hand.

[Scott Aukerman]

I already soaked on your balls. Why do we.

[Adam Scott]

Scott, just.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

They looked like guns. You've got to trust me. This is me. If you've ever trusted me at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've never trusted.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Shake my hand, Mr. Orkerman. Now stroke it. Just stroke it a little bit. It's perfect. I got the gold and he rubbed me out. I just saw that happen all over your face.

[Scott Aukerman]

How am I gold?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I sold it.

[Adam Scott]

That was really fast.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm sorry. I'm a. Sorry. I'm a villain.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's the worst show I've ever done.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm sorry I did that to you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want my gold back.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

What if I go steal some gold from another podcast and give it to you?

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you do that?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

I heard the WTF has a lot of gold.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Very well. I'll go visit the garage right now. Mark Marin, I'm coming for you next.

[Scott Aukerman]

Adam. Wow.

[Adam Scott]

Marin better watch out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Adam, I'm sorry, but without my gold, I'm not a good host.

[Adam Scott]

I can tell. I mean, this is a totally different show without your gold.

[Scott Aukerman]

I Want my gold back. So bye bye. Okay, bye bye.

[Adam Scott]

Okay, bye.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott.

[Adam Scott]

I'm so sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bye bye. I want my gold. Bye bye.

[Adam Scott]

When people take your gold, you start saying bye bye a lot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bye bye. I want my gold. Why did you. Oh, my gold. Bye bye.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, my God. You're shrinking down to the size of a toddler.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my gold. Bye bye. Oh, I want my gold.

[Adam Scott]

We need smaller headphones.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I want my gold.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bye bye.

[Adam Scott]

Bye.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bye. Bye bye.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's.

[Adam Scott]

Now he's almost a zygote.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want a gold.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, my God.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I want a gold.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pepe, this is incredible. How about that gold Peppy?

[Alan Rickman (character)]

It's perfect. I've turned him into a leprechaun.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

That's all I ever wanted.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, my God.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You called me a madman.

[Adam Scott]

Where did that green hat come from?

[Scott Aukerman]

I want my gold.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Bye bye.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bye bye with me gold.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Bye bye. You're my Adam. Scott is my slave robot. And you're my leprechaun.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want me gold. Have I.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

That was all coming together. That was a Beowulf. Listeners, I'm talking directly to you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want me gold.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You have 24 hours to send all of your gold to the Earwolf studios.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bye bye.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

If you don't, I'll blow it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bye bye.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'm watching and I'm listening to all of you on band 39 on my citizen band radio.

[Adam Scott]

That was a comedy.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Death ray radio is about to literally get deadly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on, my gold. Papa. I don't mean to interrupt your meal.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

But I saw you from across a cafe. And you're the Geico Gecko, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

In the flesh.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Oh, my goodness. This is huge. To finally meet you. I love Geico's fast and friendly claim service. Well, that's how Geico gets 97% customer satisfaction.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyway, that's all.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

Enjoy the rest of your food. No worries. So are you just gonna watch me eat?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sorry. Just a little star struck.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

I'll be on my way.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you're gonna stick around, just pull up a chair.

[Alan Rickman (character)]

You're the best.

[Adam Scott]

Get more than just savings.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get more with Geico. Adam Pally here and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, Staying alive. We'll have guests like our friend, actor Jerry O', Connell, ketamine therapy therapist, Dr. Stephen Radowitz. Paul Scheer, Ego Wodem, Gillian Bell, Dr. Doolittle, staying alive with John Gabriel and Adam Pally is out right now. Get them a week early and ad free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts at Designer Shoe Warehouse we believe that shoes are an important part of. Well, everything. From first steps to first dates, from all nighters to all time fitness personal bests from building pillow forts to building a life for all the big and small moments that make up your whole world. DSW is there and we've got just the shoes.

[Adam Scott]

Find a shoe for every you from brands you love at brag worthy prices.

[Scott Aukerman]

At your DSW store or dsw.com.