Bonus Bang: Adam Scott, Will Hines, Suzi Barrett (Hot 4 Scott)

Summary

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Comedy Bang Bang: Bonus Bang — Hot 4 Scott

Episode Title: "From Candy Boy to TV Boy"
Guests: Adam Scott, Will Hines (as Thomas Mashed Potatoes), Suzi Barrett (as Mariska Binobaude)
Host: Scott Aukerman
Release Date: September 4, 2025
Original Episode Date: April 3, 2022 (Ep. 751)

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Episode Overview

This Bonus Bang episode is a re-release celebrating Adam Scott’s recurring appearances (“Hot 4 Scott” series), focusing on his journey from humble "candy boy" beginnings to acclaimed TV star in "Party Down" and "Severance." The episode blends real showbiz anecdotes with Comedy Bang Bang's trademark character-driven improv. Also joining are Will Hines as shoe designer Thomas Mashed Potatoes and Suzi Barrett as eccentric romance novelist Mariska Binobaude, creating a symphony of absurd, rapid-fire comedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Adam Scott’s Career Arc: Candy Boy to TV Success (13:00–24:00)

• Scott Aukerman introduces Adam Scott, reminiscing about his origins working at Marini’s on the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk as a “candy boy.”
• Adam Scott details the literal use of the term “candy boy” and his taffy-making days.

  "We were the boys that made the candy at Marini's. Still there. You can go... There are candy boys there dressed in white, making taffy and waving to tourists." (13:41)

• Discusses the shift from movie aspirations to TV stardom:

  "I thought I was going to be a movie boy... instead of a movie, you became a TV boy." (13:18)

• Scott teases Adam for “selling out” by moving away from the candy profession.

Notable Moments

• Satirical banter about the struggles and supposed failures of rebooting “Party Down.”
  • Adam parodies the pressures and complaints about making TV:

    "The writing was bad... and we all got together and kind of looked at each other and thought, it's been 12 years for a reason." (09:42)

• A running gag about actors' schedules and petty on-set issues.

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2. Inside "Severance" (TV Show Banter) [13:56–26:22]

• Scott and Adam riff on the premise of “Severance” as the “age-old question” of work-life separation.
  • Exchanges satirize TV promo language and Adam’s deadpan commitment to bit:

    “It’s that question we all stay up all night thinking about… How do you keep them apart?” (14:02, Adam)

• Questions about Ben Stiller’s role as director and recurring jizz-hair jokes (“Something About Mary”).
• Parody of title brainstorming:
  • “Horndogs” and “Peculiar Jerk and his Wacky Neighbors and Friends” considered as alternate show titles.
  • “Severance was number one… because we ran out of time.” (20:34, Adam)

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3. Game Show-Style Absurdity & Character Introductions [31:24–58:24]

a) Thomas Mashed Potatoes, Shoe Designer (Will Hines) [31:42–58:24]

• Thomas unveils his identity as a specialist in Oxfords, launching a detailed (and deranged) description of shoe taxonomy.
  • “Usually it's a narrow toe is a traditional Oxford. If you got a wide, fat toe in an Oxford, that ain't an Oxford.” (35:46)
• Spirals into braille, semaphore, and aggressive, self-critical tangents.
• Backstory: Apprenticeship under a conservative, unhappy cobbler, an affair with his mentor’s wife, and subsequent therapy.
• Etsy Shop Drama: Thomas’s shop banned for hate speech “from customers, not me,” and defensive branding (“the real side of the story wingtips”).
• Shoes classified by “weak, normal, or woe” sizes.

Most Memorable Quotes

“Now I should say I don't walk around in my Oxfords too, because that's a dress shoe for formal occasions. It's not a walking shoe.” (39:41, Thomas)

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b) Mariska Binobaude, Dutch Romance Novelist (Suzi Barrett) [62:13– End]

• Mariska explains her Dutch surname, cultural proverbs (“the tallest flower gets its head chopped off by the lawnmower”), and critiques perceived American weirdness.
• Describes her debut romance novel, The Polder Model, a deeply Dutch, anti-Steamy, bureaucratic satire:
  • The lead is a model (from the polders) featured on banking pamphlets; the “romantic” interest involves split checks, dry butter, “fingernail” slices of onion, and hard-boiled egg sabotage.
  • Explicitly no sex in the book:

    “There is no sex. Not actual sex, but … what is sexier than someone being honest about what they want?” (86:12)

• Adam Scott: “This book sounds horrible...”
• Mariska’s personal confession: She’s never had sex—"It's so much work.” (87:03)

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4. Meta Podcast Bits & Cameos

• Scott and Adam joke about U2 and REM podcasts, recurring Comedy Bang Bang gags, and a running meta-bit about starting a show where they recap every episode of Comedy Bang Bang itself.

  • “I’m committing fully right now to all 751 episodes.” (93:40, Scott)

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Notable Quotes

• On TV schedules and showbiz:

  “Sometimes you have to wake up at like 10:30am... They just assume you have a car. [...] It's like, hey, ask me!” (10:16, Scott & Adam)

• Thomas’s Oxfords Philosophy:

  “If you got a wide, fat toe in an Oxford, that ain’t an Oxford.” (35:46, Thomas)

• Mariska on romance:

  “What is sexier than someone being honest about what they want?... There is no sex.” (86:12, Mariska)

• Adam’s Oscar Promise:

  “If you won an Oscar, you promised our listeners that you would go on stage and say, 'I'm going to shove this up my butt.'” (25:30, Scott)

• Mariska on Dutch culture:

  “In Holland, we have a saying, the tallest flower gets its head chopped off by the lawnmower.” (64:17)

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Section Timestamps

| Segment | Description | Time | | --- | --- | --- | | Opening Banter | Adam Scott’s TV career; Party Down & Severance | 13:00–24:00 | | “Severance” Satire | Pitch jokes, Ben Stiller jokes, TV meta | 13:56–26:22 | | Thomas Mashed Potatoes Intro | Shoe design, Oxfords, shoe fandom, therapy | 31:42–58:24 | | Mariska Binobaude Intro | Dutch novelist, romance plot parody | 62:13–End | | Plugs | Show plugs, meta-podcast banter | 88:30–End |

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Memorable Moments

• Title brainstorming for “Severance”:
  • "Horndogs" nearly made the cut.
  • “Peculiar Jerk and his Wacky Neighbors and Friends” joins as a dark horse.
• Imelda Marcos tangent:
  • “Are you worried that if you were to own a lot of shoes, you would be dead, too? It only stands to reason.” (52:22, Scott)
• Dutch romance novel satire:
  • The entire premise of The Polder Model lampoons both Dutch practicality and genre expectations.
• Shoe philosophy crossover:
  • “No human faces on Oxfords!” and a digression into Happy Days/Beatles analogies.
• Meta moments:
  • Jokes about starting a recap podcast of CBB itself (93:40).

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Tone & Style

• Quick, collaborative absurdity; surreal “game of the scene” escalation.
• Self-referential, delightfully rambling banter, mutually roasting and supportive.
• Classic CBB mixture of highbrow/literary and gleefully dumb material.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Show

This episode is equal parts Comedy Bang Bang nostalgia and top-tier character improv: fans of Adam Scott’s earlier appearances will delight in the stilted, tongue-in-cheek banter about his career, while new listeners will enjoy the layered parody of Dutch romance novels and shoe design epistemology. Will Hines and Suzi Barrett create oddball characters who slot perfectly alongside Adam’s dry wit and Scott's relentlessly silly hosting. Lively, unpredictable, and as always, very, very dumb—in the best way.

Must-listen if you want:

• TV industry satire
• Surreal character improvisation
• Parodies of podcast and literary genres
• Recurring in-jokes and callback gags

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Listen For

• [13:41] Candy boy origins
• [20:33] Alternate "Severance" titles
• [35:46] Shoe taxonomies — Thomas Mashed Potatoes explains Oxfords with gusto
• [62:14] Mariska’s introduction and Dutch proverbs
• [86:12] The anti-sexy “romance” climax
• [93:40] Scott and Adam promise a CBB recap podcast

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(End of Summary)

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Scott Aukerman]

Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here and welcome to another bonus Bang where we re release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the Paywall. This week we are continuing our series that we just started last week. It's called Hot for Scott and it features our good friend Adam Scott. He's been on the show ever since the beginning and we're trotting out old episodes that he's been on. This week we're re releasing an episode called Not Tall. Adam's a Medium Sized Gentleman. It's called From Candy Boy to TV Boy. Now this was originally released April 3, 2022 as episode 751. Now in this episode, Adam Scott joined me to tell the tale of going from a simple candy boy making taffy in a candy store to a TV boy starring in shows like Party down and Severance. I believe he is promoting the season one finale of Severance on this episode. Of course, both season one and season two are out on Apple TV right now and you can vote for him at the Emmys if you're a TV Academy person. This episode also features Will Hines as shoe designer Thomas Mashed Potatoes and Susie Barrett as romance novelist Mariska Binobaude. Now if you enjoy this episode and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang? Become a [e-mail] we have all of the past episodes from the archives. Every live show we've done ad free new episodes and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott hasn't seen. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But until then, enjoy this bonus bang. What were those two birds doing with one stone anyway? Seems suspicious. I'm glad they're dead. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Okay. Interesting, Interesting. Oh, by the way, thank you so much to Joey O tweets. Joey O tweets for that catchphrase submission and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. And I gotta say, we are still technically in the backyard, but we have moved indoors because what is this wet day? No, we all know wet day is a week away, but it is raining, wet weather is pounding the south and so we had to move it indoors. Hopefully our streak will continue of good shows. But if not, it's because we put a ceiling above us. And speaking of ceilings, we have a great show. Our first guest has crashed through the ceiling of from non fame into fame and done so very adroitly. He has a by the way, coming up a little later, we have a shoe designer and a novelist. But no one cares about that. We want to talk to the Hollywood stars. And the stars are back.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

He has a show on Apple TV plus called Severance.

[Adam Scott]

It sounds like you're going to say something like something in addition to a show on Apple tv.

[Scott Aukerman]

He has a show on Apple TV plus a show on Peacock. That would be great, wouldn't it?

[Adam Scott]

Sure, yeah. I'd take them both.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't you move that a little.

[Adam Scott]

Closer to your mouth? Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, not that you don't have to move the entire mic stand, but just the. The literal actual thing.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, much better.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love that.

[Adam Scott]

I love it too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Say, can you say every word in the English language and we'll test it out.

[Adam Scott]

Okay, I'm going to start with numbers. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 20, 18. Those are all words.

[Scott Aukerman]

They are all words.

[Adam Scott]

I just took care of those words as well.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you're saying them as numbers because you're going to have to repeat them once you go alphabetical.

[Adam Scott]

Right, because they're in quotations. And then I'll say the word versions.

[Scott Aukerman]

Later and by the way, say every homophone as well, so.

[Adam Scott]

Every what?

[Scott Aukerman]

Homophone.

[Adam Scott]

Homophone. Homophone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Homophone. Okay, thank you. That's all the homophones. Thank you. You said about five of them, so I appreciate that.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

But he has this show. It's called Severance. And please welcome back to the show Adam Scott. Hello.

[Adam Scott]

Hi, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi. It's great to see you again.

[Adam Scott]

You too, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

You too, man.

[Adam Scott]

You too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Remember our old show, by the way?

[Adam Scott]

A lot of U2 news.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? What?

[Adam Scott]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, there's the biopic.

[Adam Scott]

The biopic. That is so weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's gonna happen in the biopic? Like, they're gonna struggle for two years and then become incredibly famous.

[Adam Scott]

Who's gonna play us?

[Scott Aukerman]

Seriously? What if I played you and you played me?

[Adam Scott]

That would be fantastic. How are you gonna get into gamer? This is how I'm gonna play you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm just gonna be constantly jerking off.

[Adam Scott]

Because if they make this biopic there, and I'm not saying it definitely will happen, but there's a chance.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pretty good chance.

[Adam Scott]

Pretty good.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would say 100% chance.

[Adam Scott]

At least 101% chance.

[Scott Aukerman]

If not 110. Which we all know is the new standard for percentages.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

That. Yes.

[Adam Scott]

Anything below 110% chance is like a 2% chance.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. But you're saying 101% chance that we're at least in the third act, that.

[Adam Scott]

We will figure into this story prominently.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pretty prominently.

[Adam Scott]

Like on the poster, instead of you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Two, it might actually get more butts and seats.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

But what could possibly happen in this biopic?

[Adam Scott]

We did text about this.

[Scott Aukerman]

The iPhone thing would be like the late second act. Like Dark Night of the Soul for them.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

No one wants our album on their iPhones.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they go walking in the rain, soul searching.

[Adam Scott]

There's that scene, like that Truman show scene that's in every movie where something happens on live TV where you just suddenly drop into a bar and then someone's house and then an old man by himself watching tv. And you see everyone getting the album on their phone and freaking out.

[Scott Aukerman]

I used to when I watched.

[Adam Scott]

And then the two people that are.

[Scott Aukerman]

Happy about it and we're like, yes. And you're on a plane, as I recall. And you're like, I don't have wi fi on the plane. I gotta wait till I land till I get it. And that's like our third act.

[Adam Scott]

And then the plane explodes and the movie ends.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Day the music died.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I remember when I saw the Truman Show, I was very upset that they kept going back to the same people because it made it feel small.

[Adam Scott]

Same.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I was like, why not get. You know, instead of keep going back to the same three people, you know, watching this thing, like. And then I realized how expensive that would be.

[Adam Scott]

But also, it's like it kept being a person in their bathtub watching Truman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. And that's dangerous.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

To have that much electricity near. You know what I mean? It just puts me on edge.

[Adam Scott]

You don't want your audience worried about the old man in the bathtub.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly.

[Adam Scott]

Which is.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, that is a. I mean, you've heard of Save the Cat.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, exactly.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's your screenwriting book titled the Old.

[Adam Scott]

Man in the Bathtub.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't want the audience to worry about the old man in the bathtub.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Adam, you. You're back on comedy. Bang, bang, took.

[Adam Scott]

It's been a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been a while. A lot of people saying, where's Adam? His show came out. Where. Where is he? How come he's not on the show? I hope they're not fighting. I hope they're. They're still tight with each other. Explain yourself.

[Adam Scott]

Well, you know. Well, truly, though, the reason was. Was because I was. When the show came out, I was shooting Party Down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Adam Scott]

And we didn't have. We tried and couldn't find a day to do it.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I have a no pink bow tie rule here on the show.

[Adam Scott]

And while I shoot Party Down, I wear a Pink bow tie 24 hours a day.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly.

[Adam Scott]

Everyone knows that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You were shoot. And how did that go? Can you give us the first sclusie on what happened? Who's playing who?

[Adam Scott]

The sluice on that is that it did not go well.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? Oh, no. Because, I mean, everyone is such a big fan of that show.

[Adam Scott]

I know. It's a bomb.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it just like what happened. Just like bad writing, bad directing, bad acting.

[Adam Scott]

The writing was bad. The writing was bad. And we all got together and kind of looked at each other and thought, it's been 12 years for a reason.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's the thing. You guys stopped doing the show because you hated it. So then suddenly, to be back, we.

[Adam Scott]

Didn'T like making the show. We didn't like each other. I mean, we were fine with each other.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, you're fine with each other. But the literal process of making a show, like having to stand in front of cameras and stuff like that. Just sounds so draining.

[Adam Scott]

It is. It's exhausting. And sometimes you have to wake up early and get in a car and drive there. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sometimes you have to wake up at.

[Adam Scott]

Like, 10:30am they just assume you have a car. First of all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. It's like, hey, ask me.

[Adam Scott]

I mean.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I do, but I'd love to be asked.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. You know what it is? It's manners. Do you have a car? Do you have a gas tank in the car? Does it have gas in it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Does it have all four wheels?

[Adam Scott]

Three simple questions. Are there four wheels on it? That's perfect. A perfect example of the kind of shit that you have to put up. That's why people get up and slap people at award ceremonies.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because this kind of crap. Weird reboot of the slap, isn't it?

[Adam Scott]

Sure was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Speaking of reboots.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, so party down. Not gonna come out. Is that basically what I'm hearing?

[Adam Scott]

You know what? Unfortunately, it will have to come out at some point. That's the way it works. That's another thing they don't tell you. This is gonna be released, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Because you would love to have the option of, like, everyone has a bad time, you look at each other and go, yeah, forget it.

[Adam Scott]

Let's. Let's burn this to the ground. Yeah, that's not an option anyway.

[Scott Aukerman]

So when does it actually. When do we have to watch this thing?

[Adam Scott]

I actually don't know, really.

[Scott Aukerman]

It seems like exclusive.

[Adam Scott]

No, I really have no idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? No one ever came up to you and said, hey, by the way, Adam, this is coming out in September. This is going to be awesome?

[Adam Scott]

Nope.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Adam Scott]

Not one person. No. I really don't know. I think they're just figuring out when.

[Scott Aukerman]

They'Re like, hey, clear Labor Day, because we're going to be fucking putting this out. You're going to gather your family around. It's going to be so fucking.

[Adam Scott]

Because Labor Day is, you know, the best day, the best day to put a TV show up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that's great. You have two TV shows. I remember the day when you had none.

[Adam Scott]

Me too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Remember those days?

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. Like three months ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, also when you started, because you thought you were going to be a.

[Adam Scott]

Movie boy, A movie boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

And instead of a movie, you became a TV boy.

[Adam Scott]

A TV boy. The boy of tv. First, I was a candy boy. I thought I was going to be a movie boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

For people who don't know and haven't heard our other show about various bands, Adam started on the Santa Cruz Pier.

[Adam Scott]

As a candy Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, beach boardwalk.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry. As a candy boy and explain what a candy boy is.

[Adam Scott]

A candy boy is literally what they called us. We were the boys that made the candy at Marini's. Still there. You can go.

[Scott Aukerman]

And there are still plenty of candy boys there right now.

[Adam Scott]

There are candy boys there dressed in white, making taffy and waving to tourists.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you in the candy boy hall of fame? Do they have headshots up there of all the candy boys who have made it, or do they consider what you've done to be selling out? And they put up pictures of candy boys who actually make candy who remained.

[Adam Scott]

Candy boys throughout their lives? Yeah, that's right there. I'm Persona non grotto.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rather, do you go there every single time you go back to Santa Cruz?

[Adam Scott]

Every single time?

[Scott Aukerman]

Kind of like. Because I know you're probably in, you know, incognito and you're wearing a baseball cap and a beard.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just like slowly lift up the baseball cap and then take off the fake beard. Like, guess who?

[Adam Scott]

Hey, guys, it's me. And they just continue making candy.

[Scott Aukerman]

So candy boy to hoping to be a movie boy, but then kind of going like, well, you know, Krampus and all that. But hey, TV boy is where it's at now. Two TV shows, one of which is called Severance and the season finale of which comes out this week.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And Severance is about the age old question, is it not? How do you separate work and family?

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, it's a very, very. It's that question we all stay up all night thinking about.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Adam Scott]

All night.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

Family, work. How do you keep them apart?

[Scott Aukerman]

Even the words are so similar.

[Adam Scott]

Family and work, they rhyme. Yeah, I know.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it's hard to say one without saying the other.

[Adam Scott]

You can't, you can't.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's just too. It's too hard. So it's like I have to go spend time with my work. I mean, my family.

[Adam Scott]

I'm gonna go put my work to bed. I mean, my family. I'm gonna bring my work on vacation. I mean, my family.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, my family. It's just the things that we all say every single day, on and on. And finally when someone else, and I don't want to know who, but when someone wrote this show, you must have been like, whoa.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. That was my only reaction.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then, whoa.

[Adam Scott]

Whoa, whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I can only imagine.

[Adam Scott]

And the next thing I knew, I was on the set making it.

[Scott Aukerman]

But they asked about the car. They asked about the gas tank.

[Adam Scott]

They did?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

Okay. They did. They said do you have a car? Does it have four wheels? Does it have a gas tank? Is there gas in it?

[Scott Aukerman]

And when all of the answers to those were no, they said, okay, we'll buy you a car. We'll buy you a gas tank.

[Adam Scott]

We'll buy you four wheels.

[Scott Aukerman]

Four wheels. And put gas in all.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now, Ben Stiller directs this show, does he not? Now, I gotta ask. Did he have that jizz in his hair from Something about Mary the entire time?

[Adam Scott]

No one knows that's still there. That's how Ben works. Yeah. Ben directed it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I can feel you pivoting towards a serious answer. I'm very interested.

[Adam Scott]

I should say. Eva McCardell also directed three of them and did a great job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which three.

[Adam Scott]

Numbers? 4, 5 and 6.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Adam Scott]

Which are words?

[Scott Aukerman]

They are, yes. Thank you for saying those. Was Ben. What was going on with Ben during 4, 5 and 6?

[Adam Scott]

He disappeared.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? Just off the grid.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does he do that a lot?

[Adam Scott]

Is that when. When the numbers 4, 5 and 6.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anytime they come up?

[Adam Scott]

Well, half. Half the city disappears when.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. You didn't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Half of which city that you filmed in New York City.

[Adam Scott]

You filmed in New York City. All of New York disappears whenever there's a. There's a television show filming. Yeah. And they get to episodes four, five or six, half the city disappears.

[Scott Aukerman]

Half the city.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Which half?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it like, not the Upper west side?

[Adam Scott]

Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, thank goodness.

[Adam Scott]

No, just half. Half the population just disappears. They go to the Hamptons.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. Oh, I see. Okay. So this is the summer.

[Adam Scott]

This is summertime.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. I understand. I understand what's happening.

[Adam Scott]

And it always just coincidentally coincides with 4 or 5 and 6 of all TV shows, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, the schedule.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You start with 1 in January, and by the time you get to 4, it's summer. Yeah. Yeah. And what's. I mean, this show. God, you know, you gotta tell people what it's about, don't you? Really? In a situation like this.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, it's science fiction, like lasers and lasers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Space monsters and shit like that.

[Adam Scott]

Monsters and spaceships and different planets. Every episode we're on a different planet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Adam Scott]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Ones in our solar system or. Okay, so you go from Earth.

[Adam Scott]

No. You get a chip in your brain and you go to work and you don't know who you are in the outside world. And then you leave work and you don't know what you did at work or what your job is at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you don't have that stress of like, oh, gosh, I'M spending all night thinking about what I have to do.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

But at the same time, you have no idea what you do for a living.

[Adam Scott]

That's right. You can enjoy your personal life and focus on your work completely. They're totally separate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, this TV show doesn't make sense because I think that, like, so much of your identity is wrapped up in, you know, how good you are at your job and stuff like that. So it doesn't make sense. And I don't think this is a good TV show.

[Adam Scott]

Well, that's the initial knee jerk reaction that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, you're saying they deal with that?

[Adam Scott]

That I would expect you to have. That is what they deal with on the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa.

[Adam Scott]

That's what's explored.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. Interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I was thinking that if they were not to bring that up and everyone just has a good time the entire time.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. No, that's not what happened.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're saying it's a bad thing?

[Adam Scott]

Well, it's not necessarily a bad thing, but, you know, there might be some conflict involved in, you know, exploring that scenario still.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, when I think about, like, I can only imagine that I would be at work and not knowing I have a family and be hitting on everyone who's there at work and stuff like, that's why it's a bad idea.

[Adam Scott]

So when you would be at work and cut off from the outside world, you would just be a total horn dog.

[Scott Aukerman]

So is every character horny all the time? That's what I'm getting.

[Adam Scott]

A bunch of horn dogs. Oh, man, I'm so glad we get to say horndog today. I thought we wouldn't.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought we wouldn't. Yeah. Did they consider calling to show the horn dogs instead of whatever it is called?

[Adam Scott]

There are a bunch of titles.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Adam Scott]

And I'd be lying if I said Horndogs wasn't one of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what are the other? I mean, what made the top five?

[Adam Scott]

Well, why don't you guess and I'll tell you if you're right or not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Peculiar Jerk and His Wacky Neighbors and Friends.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, that was on the list.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was on the list. Really?

[Adam Scott]

That was on the longer list, which was three titles.

[Scott Aukerman]

Three titles. Oh, wow, that's a super long list. Okay. The ugly man has a decision to make.

[Adam Scott]

That was. That was actually on the longer list than the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Than even.

[Adam Scott]

That was four titles.

[Scott Aukerman]

Four titles. Wow. The Feckless cuck can't seem to figure out his shit.

[Adam Scott]

That was number two.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was number two.

[Adam Scott]

That was number 2.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then what it ended up being.

[Adam Scott]

Severance was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Severance was number one.

[Adam Scott]

Severance was number one.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's so interesting.

[Adam Scott]

And they just went with number one because we ran out of time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, totally.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, let's just. Which is, by the way, how R.E.M came out with that out of Time record title.

[Adam Scott]

Did they not? They were out of time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Literally, we're out of time. You should have called it out of Time. That would have been good.

[Adam Scott]

That's a good idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

Although people would have thought it was about time travel.

[Adam Scott]

We can always. We can always change the title.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the thing. Not enough shows change the title in the middle of the run.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what I mean? And I think, first of all, it's a. To try to trick people into watching something if they're not.

[Adam Scott]

That's right. Or repeating their viewing experience of the show because they think it's a new show.

[Scott Aukerman]

They think it's a new show, and so they watch the first season all over again.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a good idea.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. You know what? I'm gonna call Apple tv Plus, I'm gonna tell them that idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who are the people over there at Apple? You hanging out with Tim Cook all the time?

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's confusing, right? Because his name is Cook and then he works with computers. It's like, change your name to Tim Computer.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, but who. Maybe he's a terrific cook. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

He could be. Did he cook for you while you were hanging out with him?

[Adam Scott]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is weird.

[Adam Scott]

I know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, he's a weird guy, right?

[Adam Scott]

Well, no, not necessarily. I just think that, like, if your name. If your name was Scott Bicycle, you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Know, what would you expect to see me on every second of the day?

[Adam Scott]

I would expect you to at least acknowledge that. That a bicycle is something that you. That people would expect you to be riding.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. So, like, if I were to come up to you and say, hi, my name's Scott Bicycle. It's just a name. I'm not on one right now. These are my legs.

[Adam Scott]

So Tim Cook, to put everyone at ease. Whenever he meets people, I'm sure he says, listen, I know you're expecting me to be making a baked Alaska right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, but I'm not only that, but he works with Apple.

[Adam Scott]

Right. Which is a food.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which is a food. It's like, dude, come on. It's computers.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. And it's freaking everyone out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. This is a problem on the show.

[Adam Scott]

This was a huge. A huge issue. Everyone was so confused constantly if Tim Cook was making a meal or not, wherever he was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but. Because I'm sure he was never on the set. But. No, but you were constantly getting intel, I'm sure, about what he was doing.

[Adam Scott]

I think it was more. We were all just wondering, I wonder if he's making something delicious.

[Scott Aukerman]

Were you constantly going to craft servicing Tim?

[Adam Scott]

That's right. Anytime food was around.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tim, is that you? Well, this sounds like a great show and one that people definitely should be watching and binging. Binge watching, you know, at least binge watching one episode at a time. Binge viewing, binge viewing another. Another great way to watch it. You could also, like, do sort of mini watches, which are like one minute at a time.

[Adam Scott]

One minute.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, you could also, like, consider it your job and then do like, what severance does, which is watch it as a job, and then go spend time with your family and never think.

[Adam Scott]

About it again and figure out how to get paid for watching it as a job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

You know, you could also pretend that it's a. What was that network called where their shows were five minutes, a Quibi show, and just watch it in 10 minutes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everything technically is a quibi show if you just watch, you know.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

10 seconds of.

[Adam Scott]

That's exactly right.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what I mean? Quibi. Good idea.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Adam Scott]

Sure. I mean, 11 minute shows.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, why not?

[Adam Scott]

What could go wrong?

[Scott Aukerman]

What could go wrong? You know, but severance is not 11 minutes. It is, as a matter of fact, more in the 60 minute range. And 60 minutes. You will not spend better elsewhere. It is a fantastic show. I'm sure once I watch it, it's gonna. I'm gonna really mean that.

[Adam Scott]

No, I'm glad that it created that impression.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it seems like quality tv. The reviews have been good. People are saying, like, wow, Adam, you know, he was once known for light comedy doing Parks and Recreation and Party down and just sort of like, you know, spending his time doing that kind of thing. And now he's known for whatever this is, and it's some really good reviews.

[Adam Scott]

I couldn't dream of a better review than that. That is. That is. That is what I've been waiting.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's an actor's dream, is it not?

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, shall we see you at the Emmys this year? Do you think. Do you think this is the year where finally Adam Scott gets recognized?

[Adam Scott]

And you know what? I don't think so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Adam Scott]

I don't think so.

[Scott Aukerman]

But now, can I keep you to your Promise that you made about the Oscars, if you recall.

[Adam Scott]

Of course. Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Emmy is gonna be tougher.

[Adam Scott]

What was the. Remind me of the promise.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you won an Oscar, you promised our listeners that you would go on stage and say, I'm going to shove this up my butt.

[Adam Scott]

You know what? That's less crazy than what happened last night.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's true. Well, Adam Scott is here. Severance is the title. It's also the show.

[Adam Scott]

And it's also the. And the new episodes come out on Fridays. This Friday is the final one.

[Scott Aukerman]

The season finale, but hopefully not the series finale. Am I right?

[Adam Scott]

I hope so, too. There are nine episodes this season, so if you want to catch up, there are eight. And then the final one is on Friday, which would make nine. And that's the whole season.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So if you could. I mean, it's Monday today. There's four days until Friday. Two hours a day. Is that too much to ask? No, that's two thirds of a Batman.

[Adam Scott]

It's nothing. Have you. Did you see Batman yet?

[Scott Aukerman]

I did.

[Adam Scott]

I haven't seen it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, cool.

[Adam Scott]

John Turturro's in it. He's on Severance.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, he's great.

[Adam Scott]

Christopher Walken is on Severance.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right.

[Adam Scott]

Patricia Arquette.

[Scott Aukerman]

Patricia Arquette. This is like a real who's who. And you.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, it's. And Zach. Cherry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Zach. Cherry.

[Adam Scott]

Britt Lauer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Adam Scott]

Tramell Tillman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now we're just saying names. Yeah. I don't know.

[Adam Scott]

The cast members. People are.

[Scott Aukerman]

So. Do you ever arrive on set and you're like, I don't belong here. I'm a piece of. Here I am, like, talking to John Turturro, one of the greatest. And Christopher Walken, two of the. And Patricia Arquette. Multiple. Did she win multiple Oscars or just the one still?

[Adam Scott]

She won an Oscar. An Emmy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

What hasn't Patricia Arquette won?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. I mean, I guess the Tony and the Pulitzer. Pulitzer. Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

She will.

[Scott Aukerman]

She will spike Guy's Choice Award.

[Adam Scott]

It's coming. Oh, man, that Guy's Choice Award, that is elusive.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What about the ESPYs? Maybe she'll win an SP. Oh, yeah. What do you got to do to win an sp?

[Adam Scott]

Just be a running back.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Or do a really incredible dunk.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

She could do it.

[Adam Scott]

Dunk the basketball. I'm sure she. I mean, how long.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this is a serious question, how long would it take Patricia Arquette, who's so adept at doing anything, seems like she can do anything to learn how to dunk a basketball. You know, 10 minutes, probably 10 minutes. Yeah, exactly. Severance is the title. It's eight hours of your time until Friday and then it'll take another hour. So nine hours total and it's not much to ask. This is Adam Scott. He's one of our oldest friends on the show. How long have you been. You've been on the show for 13.

[Adam Scott]

Years at this point, is that right? Since you were a radio show. Yeah, since you were a radio program.

[Scott Aukerman]

He wants nine hours of your time.

[Adam Scott]

I need your nine hours.

[Scott Aukerman]

He needs nine hours of your time. You're telling me you haven't listened to more than nine hours of him jabbering about.

[Adam Scott]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

About you two and REM and everything he. Now he needs these nine hours.

[Adam Scott]

You've listened to over nine hours of me talking about the very stupidest shit. Now I just want you to watch something good. For nine hours.

[Scott Aukerman]

For nine hours. That's all he needs.

[Adam Scott]

That's it.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

God, you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, think of the stupid shit you've done in your life for nine hours. More than nine hours. Do this. Do this for Adam Scott.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

Thanks, Scott.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very good. Well, we need to take a break. Is that all right with you?

[Adam Scott]

Oh, I'm excited about our guests.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. We have a coming up. We have a shoe designer and a novelist. You ever read a book?

[Adam Scott]

Exciting. What's read a what?

[Scott Aukerman]

A book. God, how do I explain this?

[Adam Scott]

Are we going to talk about the Red Hot Chill Peps?

[Scott Aukerman]

Probably not. Okay. Okay.

[Adam Scott]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Although that album came out Friday.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, it did? Yeah. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you think?

[Adam Scott]

Well, I'm. That's why I want to talk.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Adam Scott]

I want to talk about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Should we talk about it on our other show?

[Adam Scott]

Maybe so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. All right, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we have a shoe designer and a novelist. This is very exciting. Our old buddy Adam Scott, he just wants nine hours of your time.

[Adam Scott]

Nine.

[Scott Aukerman]

He'll be right back. We'll be right back with more comedy. Bang bang after this.

[Adam Scott]

Bye, mate. For years, everyone thought Verizon had the best network because they did.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

But now the best mobile network in.

[Adam Scott]

The US is T Mobile.

[Scott Aukerman]

T Mobile's network has the most advanced.

[Adam Scott]

5G with more towers and their signal reaches further than ever. So you can text an insta talk and say, you won't believe where I am.

[Scott Aukerman]

T Mobile as the best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data 1H2025CT mobile.com network.

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[Scott Aukerman]

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[Adam Scott]

And on and on and on. But we are also, to be fair, we're recording our other show during the break.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah. We did a full. How many episodes did we end up doing?

[Adam Scott]

14. 14 episodes on this one album.

[Scott Aukerman]

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So.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, yeah, we still have three more to go. We'll do that in the next break. But we need to get to our next guest. He's a shoe designer. Please welcome to the show. Thomas Mashed Potatoes.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Hello. Thanks for having me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi. Thomas Mashed potatoes.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yes. So glad to hear.

[Scott Aukerman]

Interesting. It's hyphenated, I see.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yes. Mashed hyphen potatoes. Thomas. Thank you. Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is Adam Scott.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, hi.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Hi. Nice to meet you.

[Adam Scott]

You too.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I love your shoes.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, thanks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

So you're. You're.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I'm a shoe designer. Yeah. Oxfords are my specialty.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oxfords, really?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yes. I like.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is there to design about Oxfords? Because aren't they. Don't they all of come up the same way? Because that's.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, that is what.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, what are. What's the criteria that makes it in Oxford?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Love that you're Asking me, it is. You've got whether it's a wing tip or not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Another word for wingtip is a brogue.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

So a full brogue is if you have the full wingtip, like the many, many dots you.

[Scott Aukerman]

And a wingtip is.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, it's just like, basically dots and the perforations, decorations.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that braille?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I've never thought of it as braille, but let me just check. Let me feel this one. I believe this is braille.

[Scott Aukerman]

Could a blind man or daredevil or whatever, like. Like go down there and feel a shoe?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Blind man or daredevil, either one could equally do well at feeling the bumps on a shoe and trying to interpret them, perhaps. Or a phrenology. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do they actually say something, though, like, hi, this is a shoe you're fitting?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That is a great suggestion. And I've never thought of putting messages into my wingtip designs, but you certainly could. Is this medium would allow it.

[Adam Scott]

The one you're holding now, does that have a message in it or you're feeling it?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I'm just checking now. I unfortunately, have inadvertently, it seems. I do happen to know braille, and I've never thought to check this.

[Scott Aukerman]

How did you learn braille?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, gosh. I was an overachieving boy Scout. I just. I got everything.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was a merit badge.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, yeah. Braille's a huge one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry. Fluent.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Or fluent in braille and ASL and semaphore.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? The flag.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That's.

[Scott Aukerman]

The flags.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

The flags, yeah. They trade every Boy Scout and Girl Scout. Because now girls are allowed in the. In the Boy Scout.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you think about that? You were frowning.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I love. I'm just. I'm scared of change by nature, and also, women terrify me.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you also. You were doing a thumbs down.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I have some issues that have. That. Have. That are coming out. Yes, I know that I. I should be into it, let's put it that way. I get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were doing it like you didn't think anyone was gonna hear it on the show. So it was like a safe space for you. I'm sorry to call it out.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, no, no. I appreciate it. Cause I'm in therapy to try to improve my admittedly very backwards and hateful positions on women and most social issues, but I know that I'm wrong and I'm trying to do better.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that's good.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Thank you so much. But, yes, I fear and loathe women, and then also, yes, but I love shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

And primarily, which is more important to you? The fearing and loathing women or the shoe designer?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shoes.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You're more of a. I'm into the shoes. I don't love the detestable and abhorrent part of my personality. So, please, I. My intention is to be a good person.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, you know, the best we can do is just keep trying and keep plugging away at it.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Gosh. I mean, that is soothing to me. Yeah, I love a low expectations mantra.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, wonderful. So you're.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

But I love shoes. Yes. So wingtips is one way you can go. Also, the hue and color. There's a variety of browns and blues and blacks in your traditional Oxfords.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think that colors are necessarily, you know, when I say, like, what is an Oxford? What are the criteria of an Oxford?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You don't think of that as a part of what makes an Oxford.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, like, the Oxfords can be different colors.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I know a traditional Oxford tends to be from the blue, black, or brown hue. Certainly you can have a green Oxford.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, then what are we talking about?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

But the true Oxford aficionados will know you're taking a risk. Okay, you're taking a risk if you go into the green hues.

[Scott Aukerman]

But what is an Oxford?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

An almond hue is a classic.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stop talking about colors, please.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Sorry. Once I get going, I'm like a wind up man.

[Scott Aukerman]

What makes an Oxford is it's a hard shoe.

[Adam Scott]

Right?

[Scott Aukerman]

With a hard sole.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's a hard shoe. It's a dress shoe.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a dress shoe.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, it's a dressy shoe.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can say that about a lot of things. What distinguishes an Oxford?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Usually it's a narrow toe is a traditional Oxford. If you got a wide, fat toe in an Oxford, that ain't an Oxford. That's not an Oxford. That's an Oxford.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe it's easier to describe what isn't an Oxford than it is to describe what an Oxford actually is.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

All right. No, for me, not for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because you're a shoe designer. I got it down.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I don't need to know. Tell us exactly what it is. I will educate you, the dummy, on what it takes to be an Oxford or not an Oxford. So no representations of human faces. Some shoes have drawings of humans on them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or like drawings of humans.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Drawings of humans. What do you call the old Michael Jordan Nike symbol? That's a drawing of a human. Human.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. Face. I mean, it's a. It's more of a silhouette. Right.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

But any representation of human.

[Adam Scott]

Michael Jordan.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Adam, by the way, is posing in that pose right now.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, Just like that, Adam. That's exactly right.

[Adam Scott]

I literally can't think of another shoe other than Air Jordans that have.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I feel like I've seen a bunch.

[Adam Scott]

Of human on them.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I feel like I've seen. I remember Brown. Hey, I don't mean to show my age, but in the early 80s, there was a whole Happy Days line of shoes where you could get the Fonz on the back of a shoe.

[Scott Aukerman]

On the back of a shoe.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Ralph Malfe on the back of a shoe.

[Adam Scott]

Ralph. Mouth on the back of the shoe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ralph over the font.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I was a Ralph Malf guy. I like George Harrison's my favorite Beatle, and Ralph Malf was my favorite Happy Days.

[Scott Aukerman]

George Harrison is not the Ralph Malf of the Beatles.

[Adam Scott]

George Harrison is correct.

[Scott Aukerman]

Absolutely.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

He is the Ralph Malfe of the Beatles.

[Scott Aukerman]

Constantly being told to sit on it. Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

So is George Harrison.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Adam Scott]

He's at least the third most favorite Beatle of everyone. Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Mouth is the third most favorite Days after Fonzie and Richie.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, you got Fonzie and Richie.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That's the John and Paul. Right? We agree on that.

[Adam Scott]

That's fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

But Mr. C. Oh, that's George Martin.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You're out of your mind.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's not in the band.

[Adam Scott]

No, but that's.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Are you crazy?

[Adam Scott]

That's not. We're not even mentioning Mrs. C. She's.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Not in the band.

[Adam Scott]

Sure she is.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's got a hatred of women.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Sorry, hang on. You're right. You're right, Adam. And thank you.

[Adam Scott]

Mr. And Mrs. C are like the rhythm section of Happy Days.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Interesting take.

[Scott Aukerman]

So Ringo. Ringo and. And Paul is what you're trying to say.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mr. Mrs. Here, the Ringo.

[Adam Scott]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about Johnny? What about Chachi?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Joni? That's interesting. I'd say they're like the Jerry and the Pacemakers. Like a spin off that's inspired greatly by the original ensemble.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know a lot about the Beatles.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Never.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, you have a podcast I've never heard.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I never. I've got to be honest, I'm gleaning just from this conversation what they're about.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I'm guessing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Off the dome.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I heard somebody yesterday make fun of George Harrison. I was like, I got to work that in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I actually don't think about saying this person.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I was walking near a cabby, and he was like, get out of my cab. You're like the George Harrison of passengers. And I could tell it was a pejorative, so I held onto it, and I was like, I'm going to use that as an insult because I'm trying to appear smarter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Interesting.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cab driver.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Anyway. Oxford. So narrow toe. No human faces.

[Scott Aukerman]

No human faces. That's important.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, this was illiterate caddy. He was a man. You can see he was really giving them the what for. And, and I gotta be honest, the, the, the passengers seemed like they deserved it. You can't always tell when you're just walking by. An altercation. But this sort of seemed like two sort of ne. Do well aggro, alpha no good, no goods.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so they. Two alphas coming at each other.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

They just. They had their chest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sometimes big dog got a bark.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Sometimes big dog got a bark.

[Adam Scott]

Were the passengers with you in the cab?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, no, I was walking by. I had nothing to do with.

[Adam Scott]

So they. Cabbie wasn't yelling this at you?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, no, no, no. I was walking by.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you not own a car?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I don't. I like to walk. I'm a shoe guy. And I'.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you say you're a shoe guy, you like to put him to work.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Absolutely. I'm not one. I don't like to. Hey, shoes ain't made to be put on a shelf. You put them on your feet.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're not meant to press gas pedals up and down.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, you gotta get out there. And it's for man and woman to walk around the earth.

[Adam Scott]

You must go through a lot of shoes if all you do is walk, if that's what you're doing.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I absolutely do. And a well made shoe will last you even if you're putting serious miles on it. You're gonna get one to two years out of a good, well made shoe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Now I should say I don't walk around in my Oxfords too, because that's a dress shoe for formal occasions. It's not a walking shoe.

[Adam Scott]

What do you walk in?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I walk in trainers, as the Brits call them. Or. I'm so sorry, sneakers.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, God.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's kind of, you know, trainers makes more sense. Yes, but yeah, you know, we hear mistakes that often. Where are you sneaking around to? And you're, you're.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

But training, you're always. You're running. That's a form of training. You do that in your trainers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Or any kind of athletic.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you design these types of shoes? The athletic shoes?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I've done done it as a matter of apprenticing my Oxford skills.

[Scott Aukerman]

You mentioned the Air Jordans. Did you design those?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I wish. I wish. I went through a strict apprenticeship where you had to make a Lot of Air Jordans. As part of your certification, you had to prove that you could, theoretically, if asked, make an accurate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, so this wasn't even for the Nike Corporation. They were just like, as part of your training, hey, make an Air Jordan.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I apprenticed with a distinguished cobbler in New England and he was great. And he would make you make every kind of sort of classic, classic shoe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? So what are the classics? What do we got here?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Sandals.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sandals.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Air Jordans.

[Scott Aukerman]

Birkenstocks.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, this guy didn't respect Birkenstock because he was very anti hippie. Oh, so anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did he have against hippies?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, God knows. He didn't like drugs culture.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, his drug is older.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You know, he just never caught up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hair part of it.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

He just, you know, he was a real like pro government. You stand up and you salute Old glory.

[Scott Aukerman]

About the free love. Was he conservative?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, he was very conservative. I don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just a one woman guy or he.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

He had one woman. Yeah, he was married. Not happily. I mean, this guy had a lot of issues in his emotional life, which I. Unfortunately, what was going on in his marriage. I think they just weren't happy, but they stuck it out because they came from a generation where you just. You don't give up on this.

[Adam Scott]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And how did you.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I had an affair. Had an affair with his wife.

[Scott Aukerman]

With his wife.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

We became very close and it ended my. It ended my apprenticeship.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no. So you never completed your actual apprenticeship. Did you have to start over with another? Not only a new master. What do you call someone.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I think you do. Are supposed to call them a master. But nobody does that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Not only a new master, but did you have to start over with a new woman?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I did. I mean, I lost my relationship and friendship and I. I felt that I had learned enough so I did not begin training anew from the woman and the man learning these shoes, like, oh, I get this.

[Scott Aukerman]

This goes in here.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I mean, look, she was very sexually adventurous and I suppose I did learn things from her, but I did not see that as an apprenticeship.

[Scott Aukerman]

I see.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I just saw that as a. As a relationship of passion that went awry. And I betrayed my teacher and I felt bad about it. I was not right to anybody. I was doing nobody any good.

[Scott Aukerman]

But how long did you feel bad?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

A couple of days.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And then I was like, you know, what's done is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, on to more shoes.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

On more shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you've designed. Mainly you're an Oxford guy.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You right?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yes, Mainly I'm An Oxford guy and I have a little Etsy shop which is currently not up because it's been banned for hate speech.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, boy.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Not mine. Not mine. Other customers. I attract a lot of jerks and.

[Scott Aukerman]

So really, why would you. I mean, what is it about your shoes that, I mean, you know what they say. Like, if you're a comedian who has, like, a shitty audience, you're partly responsible for it.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Well, hey, I agree with that. I want to do better.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm talking to my audience right now, by the way.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, you're talking about yourself. You seem to be a jovial fellow. I wouldn't think of you as someone who attracts a bunch of jerks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but what is it about your Etsy shop that's attracting these people who are leaving haste?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I have a lot of, like, aggressive and preemptively defensive shoe names.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, like what?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

One of them is, like, the real side of the story. Wingtips. Another one is what the left won't say.

[Scott Aukerman]

And why are you.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I don't know why I do it. I want salty names of brands to try to, like, get people. I'm having trouble.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's getting my attention. Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And I don't even agree with those.

[Scott Aukerman]

Things, you know, But I can understand you pander to a certain audience.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That's what it is. It's pandering. And so I'm not going to do that anymore. So when my Etsy shop is allowed back online, it's going to be perfunctory and unremarkable names only.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And I'm going to try to just make it on the quality of the shoe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. And are these shoes quality?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I would say yes. I mean, of course that's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of what type of quality? Good or poor?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I would say good. The high and good quality. The admirable and desirable quality.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. What makes them so good?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

They're well made. They will last you a long time. They are. Are fashionable.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can't just say. When I say, why are these shoes good? You can't just say, they're good because they're well made. That's like saying they're good because they're good.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Would you say that's a tautology?

[Scott Aukerman]

Perhaps.

[Adam Scott]

Like, how many dressy affairs would a pair of oxfords last me?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Now that's a great question. If you had one of my oxfords, I would say it would work for you. Upwards of 50 dressy affairs and you could go nuts.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many are you going to a year, Adam?

[Adam Scott]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're 300 dressy affairs per year.

[Adam Scott]

Well, I consider every day except 65 a dressy affair during a year.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Hey, you know, you're a dapper gentleman who wants to be well appointed. Then I would say a pair of oxers is perfect for somebody like you.

[Adam Scott]

Thank you.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I would recommend an almond hued wingtip or half brogue. That might do you nicely.

[Scott Aukerman]

You keep mentioning this word brogue like it's something that you.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's an alternate word for wingtip. They say it in Britain. I keep forgetting I'm talking to Americans.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, God.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Wingtip is what I mean. A half wing.

[Scott Aukerman]

But wait, you're American, aren't you?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I'm American, but my mentor. Mentor, That's a better word.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not master mentor.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

He was British. British born and lived in New England.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did he know other famous Brits like J.K. rowling?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

He knew a lot of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's a small club. Yeah, he knew Sir Paul. I don't know who that is. And J.K. rowling and who else was he?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I can only imagine J.K. rowling. She didn't used to be famous, but was he the inspiration perhaps for one of the characters in one of her books or something?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Who's the big hairy dude that likes animals?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hagrid?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Him. He looked a lot like him because he had the big poofy beard and he was a rough and tumble sort of salt of the earth energy. Kind of. I mean, lovable, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Well, not too 12ft tall. Oh, no, he wasn't that. Is that part of Haggard?

[Scott Aukerman]

I believe so. Sort of. Yeah. I mean, Adam has not finished the book series.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Is that a reveal that he's not 12ft tall?

[Scott Aukerman]

How many books in did you get?

[Adam Scott]

Like three?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. No, he shrinks down.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah, he does.

[Scott Aukerman]

Book four. Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's revealed halfway through that it's been forced perspective that he's right. He's always standing in the back of the room.

[Adam Scott]

It's his whole. Terry was always so small. But then when he grew up, he's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, oh, wait a minute, you're not 12ft tall. You're actually just 5ft.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

So it could be that my mentor was an inspiration for Hagrid.

[Scott Aukerman]

Interesting.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah. But a warm fellow to his. To his apprentices. Unless they're.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was he the inspiration too for. For J.K. rowling coming out and saying that wizards before there were toilets would just on the floor and then they would make it disappear.

[Adam Scott]

Did she say that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Adam Scott]

That's incredible.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I think so. No, I'm trying to think he had it.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was the beginning of her descent into madness.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

He had a. He has a. He used a toilet, from what I recall. So maybe. Maybe there was something between them.

[Scott Aukerman]

It wasn't something where she saw him on the floor one day and said, I got to use or.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I have to admit, that wasn't part of my relationship with him. We didn't explore his relationship.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was it part of your relationship with his wife, though?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I'm not going to get into the finer details of our sexual exploits, but yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

So a lot of, like, shitting on the chest and stuff like that.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

We went through a whole. We tried a lot of things that ended up not being for us, but we. Our motto was, why not? Whenever it came to trying something that.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like that movie yes Man.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Only it was more like, yes, ma'.

[Adam Scott]

Am.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

What a great film.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really good, right?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, yeah. Yes, ma' am was sort of my attitude towards her. But again, I regret the relationship. It was started under false pretenses and then nothing.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you mean it started under false pretenses?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I lied to her. I was like, I am royalty. They were both Anglophiles, and I said that I was 25th in line for the throne and that began our romantic.

[Adam Scott]

Relationship as an American. You were 25th in line?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Well, that's what I told her.

[Scott Aukerman]

That must be hard to pull off. I mean, a lie like that. I mean, that's.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I figured that number 25, she'd just be like, oh, I guess, you know, he was like, his grandfather was an earl or something like that, and, you know, he's somewhere in line. And so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because 25, though, I mean, like, number two has been waiting for 40 years.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, that's right. But if you're an Anglophile or you're someone who's into the. To the royals. Anybody?

[Scott Aukerman]

We just had someone on last week who is a royal.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, yeah?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I bet you if I lied to this person and said that I was 25th lamp.

[Adam Scott]

He would have sex with you.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, I would imagine so. And that would be under false pretenses. That would be. I would. If somebody wants to have sex with me, I want it to be because of who I am or the quality of my shoes, perhaps, if they're impressed with my.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many times has that ever happened where someone wants to have sex with you because of the quality of your shoes?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, good question. Let me think about it. None.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah. It's never happened.

[Scott Aukerman]

I said you were doing, like, Beautiful Mind style, like, math.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I went Deep, because I've met people in the, you know, other shoemakers and shoe fans, which then became romantic relationships, but it was never my ability to make.

[Scott Aukerman]

So shoemakers and shoe fans, they mingle.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a pretty tight fraternity.

[Adam Scott]

And surety shoe fans.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Fans of shoe.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what I'm saying is like podcasters and podcast fans aren't always like, oh.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

There'S lots of shoe fans. Absolutely. Yeah. If you're not what I'm saying, what are you saying?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not saying that there aren't a of lot of shoe fans. I'm saying that the podcast makers and the podcast fans aren't intermingling all the time. There's a clear divide of, if you're a podcast guy, you're on this side of the line. If you're a podcast listener, you're on that side of the line.

[Adam Scott]

Unless there's a convention or something. Do you. The fans at a. Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You have like shoe cons or Oxford cons or trainer cons in Britain, and part of it is mingling, meet and greet work the people, press the flesh, ask what their name is. You know, make a minimum of 5 seconds of eye contact. You know, normal things that people do to appear normal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You sound like you're training yourself to be a human being.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You know, I'm a shy person and sometimes it's difficult to meet strangers. I don't think I'm alone in this. And I'll have little tips I have taken with me to try and try to be nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You doing? What are the tip.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I mean, minimum five seconds, eye contact.

[Scott Aukerman]

Minimum of five.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Repeat back their names to them as often as possible.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. What are our names?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

One of you is Adam.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And. Oh, gosh. The other one is shot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Close. Very close. Okay.

[Adam Scott]

And I have noticed you have not looked either of us in the eye.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

This entire time, so it's so difficult for me. It's emotion. Let me try.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want my fives.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Okay, here we go.

[Scott Aukerman]

You looked away at 2.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's so tough. It's tough.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. It's not easy. That's actually kind of a long time to make.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's almost too long. If someone were to give me a type 5, I don't know.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, but if you were shoe fans and I met you at an Oxford con, I would really. I would really try to step up and be there and make the whole five.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You know what makes a shoe fan? I mean, it's interesting because I wear the. Am I a shoe fan?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Or absolutely not. That is not. Not even close to being enough with the questions you asked me, you gave away. You're what?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm a sock fan. Cause I wear those under my shoes.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I don't think that makes one a fan. You must have an enthusiasm, a hunger for knowledge, a curiosity.

[Scott Aukerman]

I can tell you, if I were to walk outside right now, especially because it's raining outside, I would put shoes on.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That doesn't make you a fan. Listen to yourself. You sound like a babbling idiot right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, now you're giving me the eye contact, and you're not looking away.

[Adam Scott]

So how many pairs of shoes does one have to have to be a shoe fan?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I think it's more the. The emotion you have towards the shoes and not the quantity. Quantity could be a symptom of.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many shoes do you own?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, gosh. Because I've made so many.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Six. Six pairs of shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Six pairs. So 12 shoes total.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

12 shoes. And I love them. They are. They are family to me. And I rotate them in and out very carefully. And that includes, like, I replace them.

[Adam Scott]

Sorry. That includes the ones you've made.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, well, I've sold a lot of them. You know what I mean? Or I've given them away. So the ones that I have kept where I make a pair, and I'm like, I can't give you away.

[Scott Aukerman]

This.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

These are too perfect.

[Scott Aukerman]

I can only imagine, Adam, it's like you of, like, you do a take and you're like, guys, that one's for me. I'm going to keep the film.

[Adam Scott]

That's right. I'm taking that home with me. I'm going to wear it.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I've watched television shows where a particular scene seems lacking, and I'm like, I bet the actor kept a good take.

[Scott Aukerman]

And that's right.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And I.

[Adam Scott]

Happens all the time.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I respect that. So, yeah, you know, a shoe fan is the emotion and the passion that you have. If you. If you had more knowledge or curiosity about a shoe, I'd say you're a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shoe fan who owns the most pairs of shoes in the world?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I think Imelda Marcos was famous for owning lots of shoes, but she's dead now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you. Are you worried that if you were to own a lot of shoes, you would be dead, too? It only stands to reason.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Let me follow this. So you think that the reason Imelda Marcos is dead is because she had a lot of shoes?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm saying that it's possible.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

So let's do a Socrates thing. Imelda Marcos Had a lot of shoes. Imelda Marcos is dead, therefore, having a lot of shoes makes you dead. Okay. Yeah, I guess that does follow.

[Adam Scott]

It does stand to reason.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I've never before been scared of it, but now I am.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So I think six. Six is pushing it.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, no, no. That I've kept it. I'm a man of simple means. I don't like to have a lot of possessions.

[Adam Scott]

I feel like that's not nearly enough for a shoe fan.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I've had more in the past. I once had, like, hundreds of pairs of shoes. Yes. And I just. It felt excessive. And so I deli part of my sort of becoming a better person when I realized I had a fear and loathing towards women and really just everybody. And I was like, I want to be better. I want to improve. And I went into therapy and I read lots of sort of books on improving yourself. Part of it was like, I'm too attached to material possessions.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so you got rid of.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I was like, the hardest thing for me to get rid of will be the shit shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Did you save him for last or.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yes, it was the last.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you got rid of everything else?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

All my silks, spices, bonds, and investments.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I wish. What a life. Oh, man, what a life.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you think about it, those guys had it all.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I mean, one reason why you'd leave Europe to go over an ocean that maybe doesn't go anywhere because your life is great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That's a sure sign of the people on those boats is everything was going right for them.

[Adam Scott]

But.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, so I gave a lot up. And the last thing was the shoes, because it was emotionally very difficult for me. But I. But when I finally did it, I did feel unburdened, and I felt like this is. You know, I am really. I'm really trying to become a better person.

[Adam Scott]

And so the six you kept must really mean something then.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yes, they all are. Five of the pairs are ones that I made, and they're the sixth one. It's my Ralph malf sneakers from 81.

[Adam Scott]

You still have those?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Sentimental. They were a gift from my parents.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? Are your parents still with us?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, they're not. They've. How do you say? Died?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. How did they pass away, if you don't mind me asking?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

They lived a long life there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Until what? No, see, I was asking the opposite. How did they die?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

How did they die?

[Scott Aukerman]

Not.

[Adam Scott]

Did they live a long life?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, until what? Not until, like, how long?

[Scott Aukerman]

No. Yeah. How did they die is what I mean.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

My father died of a heart failure and my mother was unfortunately vaporized.

[Scott Aukerman]

Vaporized.

[Adam Scott]

What happened?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Well, I don't totally know. I think she might have been a spy. She got into some sort of altercation with a strange man who came to the door and vaporized her.

[Scott Aukerman]

But how does.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Jesus pointed some sort of futuristic looking blaster and she just disseminated into atoms really. But she was already an old lady who'd had a great life. And I was like, hey, hey. It had to happen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was there like a pile of.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, like, pile of. Yeah. I tried to reconstitute the ash. I tried to rehydrate the ash.

[Scott Aukerman]

By what? Pouring.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Pouring water onto it. I was distraught. I was distraught.

[Adam Scott]

That must have just made a mess.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It did. It was. I was like, what did I. Why did I think this would work?

[Adam Scott]

And did you speak to the man before.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I couldn't. He ran off. He was like, she deserved it and left. And I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. She was a mysterious lady with a lot of. With a lot of.

[Scott Aukerman]

But that's. That was his last parting words to you, was she deserved it.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah. He was like, don't come for me. She deserves it. And he ran off.

[Adam Scott]

And you said, okay?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I said, I believe it. He had a real conviction about his voice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Wow.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And like she was 76, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I was not that old to be like, it's fine. She was vaporized, but it's, you know, you would.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's. It was sad, you know, and I miss her, but I wouldn't call.

[Scott Aukerman]

How long were you.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Couple days.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You're a couple days guy.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You have to move on. You can't change the past.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what do you got in the. What do you got in the hopper? What are you. What are you designing?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Well, once that Etsy shop gets back online, I'm gonna do a beach hued, half wingtip oxford. Okay, that. That is for spring only. And it's going to be an Oxford's for spring. And I got three sizes. Weak, normal, and.

[Adam Scott]

Whoa.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Weak is seven men or smaller. That's weak sized. And then normal is like 8, 9 or 10. And then height bigger than that is.

[Adam Scott]

Whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

I gotta say, if I were an 8 and I'm wearing something that a 10 could wear, that's not gonna be comfortable.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, 8 is weak. 8 and lower is weak. 9, 10 and 11 is normal. And then 12 and higher.

[Adam Scott]

But 9, 10 and 11 all have the same size.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

They all have the same size. Make it work is what I say. Make it work. Put some tissue in there. That's what they did in the old days of English.

[Adam Scott]

Tissue in there.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Just, you know, stuff it. You know, you could, you know, or you know, whatever you gotta do. So weak, normal or woe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Those are the three Weak, normal or woe. But what is the actual shoe that you. That you're designing?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

What do you mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, what are the features on it? What are. I mean, is there a drawing of a human face?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Never. I only do oxfords.

[Adam Scott]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do oxfords?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yes.

[Adam Scott]

It's beach hued. You see?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Beach hued half wingtip spring dress shoe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

The Oxford stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Spring. Is it the color? Is it. Does it have the scent?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Pine scented?

[Adam Scott]

Spring is pine scented.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I think of it. I think of it as pine scented. Anything? Just trees.

[Adam Scott]

What does beach hued mean?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Beach hued is like a. It's like a light brown. Brown sort of butter. Butterscotch.

[Adam Scott]

Like a sand color?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, a little. Little darker, but you're in the right. You're on the ballpark.

[Scott Aukerman]

So a butterscotch shoe that smells like pine trees.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Well, I wouldn't call butterscotch. It's beach hued.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it smells like a butterscotch. Like a butterscotch.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Pine scented beach hued half wingtip spring dress.

[Adam Scott]

10 bucks that might be way too small or big for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or too big.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah. Or not necessarily.

[Adam Scott]

Sounds great.

[Scott Aukerman]

So if you can get through the hate speech on your Etsy shop.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Just for my customers. Not for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not for me.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And that's been taken down. And I would. Which I endorse that being taken down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great. And how do people get to this?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I have no idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. All right. Well, fantastic. Well, Thomas, it's great to have you on the show.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Can you stick around? Yeah, I got nothing going on.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're gonna take a break. We're gonna come back. We have more Thomas, mashed potatoes, more Adam Scott. We'll be right back with more comedy. Bam. Bam.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

This.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Know my husband Dax, then you also know he loves shopping for a car. Selling a car, not so much.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're really doing this, huh?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Thankfully, Carvana makes it easy. Answer a few questions, put in your van or license, and done. We sold ours in minutes this morning and they'll come pick it up and pay us this afternoon.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Bye bye truckee.

[Advertisement Voice]

Of course, we kept the favorite.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hello other truckee.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Sell your car with Carvana today. Terms and conditions apply.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Do you have $10,000 or more in credit card debt?

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe you're even barely getting by making minimum payments?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

With credit card debt hitting record highs.

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You don't need to declare bankruptcy and you may be able to pay back.

[Scott Aukerman]

Less than you owe regardless of your credit. National Debt Relief has already reduced the.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Credit card debt for more than 550,000 consumers.

[Scott Aukerman]

So don't wait.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

If you owe 10, 20, or even hundreds of thousands of dollars in credit.

[Scott Aukerman]

Card debt, you can now take advantage of this financial debt relief as the.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Cost of living increases.

[Scott Aukerman]

To find out how much you could.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Save, Visit National Debt Relief.com that's NationalDebtRelief.com.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang, Bang. We're back. Adam Scott, star of Severance, is on the show. And if you get a season two, are you gonna get in there and be like, hey, I want to write the next season?

[Adam Scott]

Oh, man, there's a ton of stuff I'm gonna do because it must be.

[Scott Aukerman]

So frustrating to have, like, you get a TV show and it's like, oh, this is gonna be awesome. And then suddenly they send you all these pages of things that they're telling you you have to do.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. Dan Erickson, who created the show and writes the show, you know, I'm gonna. If we get season two, I'm gonna just sit down and be like, dan, listen. Right, not right, whatever. It doesn't matter. I'm just gonna.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's what the Adon is up to this season.

[Adam Scott]

I'm really gonna get in the saddle and make some changes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cool.

[Adam Scott]

Mostly all having internal changes with me, but it's gonna affect you and the show in a huge way.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the way to do it.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. No, that's what people want from an actor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Swing that big de around.

[Adam Scott]

Just really get in there and let everyone know how you're feeling about everything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fantastic. Well, the notoriously difficult to work with Adam Scott is here.

[Adam Scott]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

And we also have Thomas Smashed Potatoes, who seems, I mean, he's self employed. So I don't know whether, I mean, I guess you were difficult to work with with your mentor, but I've had.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Mostly poor relationships with my coworkers and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Also with women, it seems like has a real huge issue which we haven't even really gone into. But nor should we really.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Nor should we trying to get better.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have to get to our next guest, a novelist. This is very exciting. Please welcome Mariska Beinerbutt.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Well, that's close enough.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, you told me how to say it, but I have been about.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yes, Binnaboute. It's Dutch. It means like within and without. Like inside, outside.

[Adam Scott]

It's beautiful.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sort of like California living, you know, where like you open up the wall. Yeah.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Like Al Fresco.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why isn't your name weird? Al Fresco?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I guess because my parents couldn't choose their last name and because they probably did not want to name me a boy's name.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

And because in Dutch, we, in Holland, we don't like to be weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, is that. That's part of the culture.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Sure.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would say that's part of the United States culture too. Which is why it was so refreshing when Al came out and said, no, I am weird.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

You think that Americans aren't weird?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think Americans are weird, but they don't want to be.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's so interesting.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You find them to be weird.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I think that you are always trying to be so weird. Like you have your flannel kind of slightly unbuttoned right now.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's so.

[Scott Aukerman]

And your pants, by the way, which.

[Adam Scott]

If you could take them, that's legitimately weird.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I apologize.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I think that's assault. But the top part is just a little bit weird, isn't it?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Like wear it like a flannel shirt being unbuttoned is a little weird.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Well, with a T shirt under, it's like you're trying to wear a dress shirt, but at the same time you're unbuttoning it, but. And you're covering up the shirt.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, so you think anyone who wears a shirt with a collar unbuttoned with a T shirt with no T shirt.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Like with a T shirt, take the T shirt off and Wear it like a normal Dutch businessman, which is like four buttons undone, no shirt underneath.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That's what a normal Dutch businessman.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's normal.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

So you're saying what I'm doing is sort of mixed signals. Kind of like T shirt and a flannel, but I'm not committing.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I've never thought about it that way. It is mixed signals, and it's a.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Because now you've dirtied two shirts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, just.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That's for sure.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

And you're wearing them both out. So you're going to. Your. Your clothing budget is going to go through the.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like you're paying for twice as many clothes when you.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right. It's just not practical.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I never thought about it, but what I am doing now is freakish.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

In Holland, we have a saying, the. The tallest flower gets its head chopped off by the lawnmower.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, my God.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

So it's a little bit like, don't stand out, like, you idiots. Just get low and just be normal. Get low.

[Adam Scott]

That's a terrifying saying.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. It makes me want to just stay. Stay quiet and stay low.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah. You see now why there aren't that many famous Dutch people.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah. More weird than Dutch people.

[Scott Aukerman]

I can think of the little Dutch boy.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Right. And who was American?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Buster Brown. That you said before.

[Scott Aukerman]

Buster Brown. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he seemed Dutch. He definitely had a Dutch kind of vibe.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

If he was Dutch, it would be spelled B, R, U, I, N. Buster Brown, like how Brown is spelled.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, okay. Huh. So the. I can't think of a single other. I mean, was Hamlet. He was. He was the melt.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

He was probably Danish. Common mistake. But anyway, sorry, that's just all about how my parents. Probably why they didn't name me Weird Al.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Yeah. Good answer. Good answer.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And crush. Incredibly fair and generous answer to the question, why weren't you named Weird?

[Scott Aukerman]

So, Mariska, how do you say it again?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Bin. About the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bin.

[Adam Scott]

About the.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

In. Out. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

In and out. Yeah. Well, that's not gonna help me pronounce it. But you're a novelist.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah, I've just finished my first romance novel. Oh, is that the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Primarily the.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

This is the genre that I always wanted to work in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, so you haven't yet? This is your first.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

This is my first. It's a serious. It's. It's passionate, very sexy. Very sort of. This is like a way where you can kind of play out your fantasies in a book while you're reading it, and you get to feel what it would be like to Live this sexy.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, my gosh. So could it be that a man who himself has made personal mistakes that he feels guilty about, could read a romance novel and think, I am worthy of love? This could happen to me.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Next time you try to ask, like a hypothetical, don't point to yourself like that, because then it blows. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were doing sort of the. Who has two thumbs and then.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

And is talking about himself. This guy.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

So you guys could pick up that. I was talking about myself. Okay.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

But the answer is yes. It's for everybody. Men, women. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it's for men and women. Is that okay, Thomas?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yes. I say carefully. Yes, of course it is. Of course it is. I have learned to appreciate.

[Scott Aukerman]

But that said, Mariska, are not romance novels mainly read by women?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Sure. Yeah. That's a big part of the audience. I think men maybe get a little bit bored. Like. Well, I think they like Playboy article length. They want like, 30 seconds. And then they're like, you know, that's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Playboy article length, 30 seconds.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That's happened to Playboy. The article have gotten incredibly short. It used to be that you'd say, oh, I read it for the articles. Because the articles were actually good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

But they have, like. They've, like, really shortened them. They quibified them. They're like. They're right down to, like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everything's been quibified these days.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, yeah.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I used that as an example, and I didn't know how long they were. I pictured them like a little blur.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

They are now like, oh, okay, they're blurby, I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

But back in the day, it was like you'd go page after, but you'd go. Sometimes you'd go like 40 pages before seeing some.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

40 pages? Yeah. No, that's a long time for men. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

No, but so I think the women like the. The longer experience. They can spend the whole summer on the beach reading this story.

[Adam Scott]

This one. This one is for men. The men could both can.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's not exclusive.

[Scott Aukerman]

If a guy has the patience to read something.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where it's like, takes a long time before the dirty deed.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

And I'm finding that a lot of people like this book. It's. They're all finding it very across the board. I'm getting great.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is the.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's called the polder model, and it's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Polder model.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah. This is sort of. It's a little bit of a play on words. So in Dutch culture, we have this concept, the polder model. The polders are like little islands off the coast and back in the, like, 15th century, all of them flooded, and everyone in the polders had to work together to unflood by digging canals and making windows.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so. Got it.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

But in my story, the lead character.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the model?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

She's a model.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, so.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

And she's from the polders.

[Scott Aukerman]

The polder model. I see. So it's not one word. It's two words.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's two words. Oh, and sorry. The polder model is something we use now in banking and stuff to say, like, if we have to work together, we have to use the polder model.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

We cannot be.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's a play on this. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's funny.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's so funny.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Thank you.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Now that I know what it means. Means it's hilarious.

[Adam Scott]

It's making me really, really.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's what I like. I like. This is what I like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really laughing right now.

[Adam Scott]

I love jokes about banking.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

So do I. Yeah, so do I. So the lead character is a model. Right.

[Adam Scott]

Wow.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Good setup.

[Scott Aukerman]

So how. Like, what are we talking in 10 of what? On a scale of 1 to 10? Like, attractiveness?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I mean. Yes. Like, she's famous. She's a working model. She's.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And do the Dutch not have. Have this system of rating from 1 to 10 that seemed to throw you completely?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah. I've never heard that.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you rate?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

We all look very similar.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's no.

[Adam Scott]

So everyone's a 10.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's no ratings at all for anything then.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Also, like, why? Why? Just, like, if you're interested in them, talk to them. Why do you need to, like, I guess in a.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

In a country that has the tall. Tall poppy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Metaphor.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't want to be. Everything is. If you were listening to the new retro Hot Chili Peppers album, for instance, you would just say, it's fine, it's fine.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And that'd be a compliment. That would be a good thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right? So she's.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

So she's like everyone else. She's a successful working model. She looks like everyone else.

[Adam Scott]

But is everyone a model then?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I mean, they could be, but she just chose to be, and she's doing well for herself. The book starts, and we find out she is the woman on all of the pamphlets that talk about what sort of banking plans you can get and, like, how to use your.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what is she doing on these? Like, what are some of the poses?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Like, she's, like, in, like, an office, and she's sort of reaching. Reaching for a bank card. And she's looking like, oh, that's interesting.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You're interested, good at doing it. You'd be an excellent model.

[Scott Aukerman]

You just haven't chosen to be though.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right. Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

So she's like a supermodel then.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right. She is super at her job. She shows up on time, she does not complain.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh yeah. The main attributes of model.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yes, yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

She can.

[Adam Scott]

Showing up on childhood and not complaining.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Wow. So she sounds great at this. So she's on this pamphlet and everyone has seen this pamphlet.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah. And it's like. And she sometimes once in a while the pamphlet is copied onto the side of a tram or a bus. And so she's really being seen. So she's at a conference and she sees this man in the back of the room and she sees. And they see each other from across the room.

[Scott Aukerman]

And he looks like pretty much everyone else as well.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah, same. And it's just where her eyes have.

[Adam Scott]

Happened to fall for no particular reason.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right. And the next thing you know, they're both going outside at the same time and you go like, okay, okay, okay. They're going outside to talk to each other. Turns out they just both wanted a cigarette at the same time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah. But I was worried that it was gonna be something sort of more spectacular. And I'm relieved to hear that. That it's business as usual.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right. And they, they. But they, but they get outside and it's just the two of them. Right. And it's been a very nice day up until now.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, just the two of them in their area, like not in the entire world.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

No, that's right. Other people are science fiction.

[Scott Aukerman]

Other people are outside.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Thank God you clarified it because I did assume at that point that everyone else was dead.

[Adam Scott]

Everyone was gone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or so when they walk outside, that's what I.

[Adam Scott]

It's just the smoking area. That's where they.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I'm glad you're not my editor because I would not have liked to put that for every sentence. Just to clarify, they're not only people.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I would be a harsh, harsh editor.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I believe.

[Scott Aukerman]

A stern taskmaster.

[Adam Scott]

So you'd be a long book too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, well, I mean, for a lot of people. Do you get paid by the page or.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

No, I just get. We all get paid the same amount.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no matter what job you do. Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I just. I don't know if this is off topic, but I'm writing a novel. Could I read just the first sentence and just hear what your guys thoughts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are on it yeah, I'd love to.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I'd love to hear a professional write. I mean, this is just.

[Scott Aukerman]

We haven't even gotten through the premise of her book. But you're jumping into.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I feel like I want to take over right now just for a little bit, and then I will let it go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I only got to talk for 30 minutes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, sure. Just real quick.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Just very quick.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have a professional writer here. You want a writer, even though that never came up in your segment. But go ahead.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's a hobby, and I just want to hear the Dutch take on it.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Okay. So the storms passed quickly, as did his love.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's not believable.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Okay.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

The storms would not pass quickly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? Because it's very stormy.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah, it rains like, 95% of the time. And. And why do we care about his emotions? It's the first sentence of the book.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

We don't even know.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

This guy says, stupid book. I would not read it.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Okay. A little harsher than I thought was coming, but I'm sorry. But I appreciate the honesty.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if he changed it, though? To the storm did not pass quickly, but their love did?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Now I'm in.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

So it was the unbelievability of the storm that took the.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Now at least I know it's a real story coming from a real place.

[Adam Scott]

It's professional feedback, and that's incredibly valuable.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's painful and I am hurt.

[Scott Aukerman]

But, I mean, are you willing to change it, though?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Absolutely. I'm always willing to change and improve.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Since you talks about books, can I talk about the shoes I'm wearing?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Let's hear. I'll give you some feedback.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

You can tell me if they're Oxfords or not. Cause I could not tell your thing when I'm. I couldn't.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It wasn't clear. Okay, so let me.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

So these are like. These are my work shoes. These are my professional shoes.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

They're lovely shoes.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Let me just say they're like a fuchsia suede boot with, like, two zippers on each shoe.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Absolutely not an Oxford.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

No. Already. Not an Oxford already.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just because of the zippers.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

The fuchsia. You don't. I mean, that's. That's not a Traditional hues.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I have seen beaches that have some. If you look very closely at some of the shells.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

If you want to tell me that's a beach hue, I'll let you buy in a technicality.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

But it's a boot with two zippers.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Two zippers on each. On each one. And then fringe on the top that sort of comes down over the zippers.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

None of these are.

[Scott Aukerman]

Those are very garish shoes.

[Adam Scott]

There's a lot going on.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

These are my work. These are my work.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

David Bowie lyrics Shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

But what's weird about the way you're dressed? Dresses. It's not just the shoes, like every part. I mean, like, you're wearing a jacket.

[Adam Scott]

It's all over the place.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. It's like almost like from the Wham, I'm your man video.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

This is a vinyl. It's very practical. It's like a. Like a pink. Pink and yellow vinyl with.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You said before that you don't like to stand out from it.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is how everyone dresses.

[Adam Scott]

You're like a very tall flower right now.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Well, I mean, here in America. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you think we're weird because we don't dress like this.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Well, look at him. He's got unbuttoned a little bit of his T shirt.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

But you're wearing a multi zippered suede fringe.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

What do you have against zippers?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

No, I'm just saying it's an out. It's. It stands out. It's. It's. It's something that catches the eye.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I think we're discovering something here, which is context.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Okay.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's like the Albert Einstein thing. You cannot have hot without cold because you don't know what it is.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Wow. I didn't know that was an ice.

[Adam Scott]

Okay. I think so.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Wow. He was smart.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Or there's a guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's the guy who stuck his tongue out in that poster, right?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam Scott]

Love it.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That's his main thing.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Love him.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah, his.

[Scott Aukerman]

His one of the best.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Walk me through how you came to think that he was great from that picture.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you hear about all this that he was doing about like relative. What.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And then like, that's bad.

[Scott Aukerman]

But he's got a sense of humor. He's like, he's great.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That that photo was taken right after he discovered that they cracked the code on the atomic bomb.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah. They just caught it at a moment where I see out of context.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And it was really excited about it.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

But he was like vomiting at the realization of what would happen.

[Scott Aukerman]

But he looks like a silly, fun guy.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Got to look so happy. He's Right before he vomits.

[Adam Scott]

He still seems cool, though. I would say from.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I think he was probably cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

I got to say, if I lived where you lived, I'd probably pick model too.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, but yeah.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does everyone. When you go out to dinner, does everyone like Split the check. Or.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I mean, this is such a stereotype, but, like. And we don't all go and play with two jump ropes. But. Yes, we split the. Yeah, we split the check. It's just. It makes me.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many jump ropes do you use?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Two. Yeah, because that's the best number for jump roping. But why. Why would I make you pay the whole check? That's rude. And why would I pay it? I mean, not that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you're not my boss.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. We should split it.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

We should split it. Nobody's breaking the bank yet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Adam Scott]

And does everyone have tons of zippers all over their. Their body?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

You cannot let go of the zippers. It's so.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You just have so many. Like, it's. You're gleaming.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You know?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're almost like in this movie I saw starring Adam. Hellraiser.

[Adam Scott]

Four.

[Scott Aukerman]

Four. Yeah.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Where he, like, has all of zippers, the pins.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, he's got, you know.

[Adam Scott]

Doesn't he have a CD shooting out of his head?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think he has a CD. Yeah. He shoots CDs at people.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That sounds nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

And almost like you two shot that album into our phones.

[Adam Scott]

That's right. And we were the only two that were delighted.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That sounds nice. I. I would listen to a CD shooting out of someone's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

So they go outside, they decide to share cigarette, and they share one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. And why is that? Because they're going Dutch. Oh, got it.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah. And because why spend the money on another cigarette? We both have one. We'll share it. And all of a sudden, it starts raining, like, pouring rain on.

[Adam Scott]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

But this is to be expected because it rains.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right. And they. They were expecting it. So they're both in their, like, vinyl. They're like waterproof suits. Head to toe.

[Adam Scott]

They're 100% protected from the rain.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right. They're very dry. They've expected it. They've been walking around all day in this, like, crinkly, sort of like. Like construction pants. Like a hat. Hazmat suit, you know?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sexy.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah, well, I mean, we're getting that. But it's sexy to, you know, when it's raining. It's so romantic.

[Scott Aukerman]

The mise en scene.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yes, that's right. So they decide, like, why don't we get out of here and go share, like, a romantic meal? Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I hate to ask. Do you think they'll split the check at this meal?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Probably. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, of course.

[Adam Scott]

Sexy.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

So they go to the. This little, like, there's, like, why.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are you lowering your voice?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's the mison scene.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay? Got.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Okay, you're setting the table here, or we say mison.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay, great.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

They go to this nice little Italian place. Little candles on the tables. They look at the menu.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

And they realize, like, they don't have what we want to eat here. This is stupid. Why would we spend our money?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do they not want Italian food?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

No, what they want is like a. They thought that they might have it, you know?

[Scott Aukerman]

Have what?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

What? What? They. What? They're craving, like, the sexiest food, which is like, a piece of salmon. Like a. Like a raw. Like a raw smoked salmon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

On, like a. Like a hard toast with, like, a little bit of, like, dry butter. And then like, the sexiest cut in half, like hard butter boiled egg. And like a little tiny piece of iceberg lettuce.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is kind of turning my stomach.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

And then like a little, like, just like a fingernail of onion.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Fingernail. That seems the worst of all worlds.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

One of those pieces of lettuce that kind of looks like the fake bushes in a train set in the electric. Those, like, hard pieces of lettuce that.

[Adam Scott]

Are like parsley almost.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah, it's like, picture an under the sea scene. Like a set piece from Scene spongebob. Like one of those, like, wiry pieces of that on top.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just that on top.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

So they want. That. They want to split one of those.

[Adam Scott]

Super specific.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

The egg's hard boiled. Is that right?

[Adam Scott]

It's hard boiled and dry butter.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Just like a. Well, like, you know, when butter. It has. It's been, like, in the refrigerator for so long, and you take it immediately from the fridge and put it right on, and it's like one of the hardest substances. And it's almost dry.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

The flavor is almost hidden at that point.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this is delicious to you?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

The best.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

You said a fingernail of onion. Is there something. What about that amount?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Why waste the onion? You can get like 80 sandwiches out of an onion if you cut it this way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because it seems to me like you're being critical of it, and yet. No, this is delicious to you.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I love this. Okay, what was critical? Sometimes I speak harshly, but I'm just being honest. But did I seem like I didn't like it?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no. I mean, well, the way that you're talking about.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Fingernail of onion, a dry knuckle of butter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Knuckles.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Butter barely big enough to crumble.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fingernails.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Knuckles or not, the words you're using are not appetizing.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Hold on. The zaam Is like wilted and like a little bit warm, but it hasn't been cooked. So you think it might above room.

[Scott Aukerman]

Temperature for some reason?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yes, and we don't know why. And it's barely enough to cover a little bit of the hard part.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Is it the intrigue of whether you'll get sick or not? Is that what makes this appealing? Like, who knows?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's delicious. It's so good. Little piece of ice.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know it. I feel like we have this in our minds right now. Get to the sexy part. What happens?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Okay, so they go to the Albertine really fast because they've got to get all the ingredients.

[Scott Aukerman]

That grocery store, they're making it.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

They're going to make it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

And how many pages into the book are we at this point?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

We're at 200.

[Adam Scott]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

It feels like it. And it feels like a long 200.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

But the climax is coming.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, okay.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

They get all.

[Scott Aukerman]

The climax is coming at page 200.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

No, it's coming in the future. Yeah. The climax isn't here. It's coming. It's coming. Appropriate for a climax.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

So they get the stuff. They get into the checkout line. She realizes, ah, I haven't gotten my paycheck yet for this period.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Okay.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

And if I. If you can cover me for half of this, I can pay you back.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's good that a model's on a salary. Oh, yeah, right. Not just paid per gig.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Sure.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yeah, I like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

But that's everyone, I guess.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

And he says, okay, but let's think about this. Because he has his budget and he's like, I got paid yesterday.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

How long do they talk about budgets?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is mind numbing to me. Why right now? Why is this important to the sexy part?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Because it's like we don't just want to have the sex. We want.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just get to the sex. Just tell us about the sex.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Okay, so we cut to. They're looking for a hotel room.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. All right.

[Adam Scott]

To eat the food.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yes.

[Adam Scott]

They got the dry butter.

[Scott Aukerman]

They have all the ingredients. But they want to put it together in a hotel room?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Well, they need to because the egg is an egg and they have to hard boil it. So they need to be somewhere where they can boil.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't they have their own places?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

They do, but they're at the concept conference, so they're okay. And they haven't got.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they haven't gotten their hotel room yet.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Not yet. Because they came.

[Scott Aukerman]

They just got in that morning.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why? You're the writer. You can change all of these details.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Not now it's written.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

So then they get to the hotel room.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

The editor barely read this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

She was like, it's so sexy. You're actually. This is the first time I'm hearing anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Any pushback about this?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I don't want to give it to you, but like, please give.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

So first hotel. Too expensive.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

There's more than one hotel?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Oh sure, there's three. It's like Den Helder. It's like a beach town. So there's like three whole hotels. So they go to the second one and it's like, ah, it's a little bit like the lighting is very bright.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Like not right.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're turning it down because of the lighting. Sure. Yeah.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's not boil an egg.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

They want.

[Scott Aukerman]

They want.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's going to be the first time they share a meal. They want to be just right and.

[Adam Scott]

They want bright lighting.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

They want just bright enough to see it, but also low enough that it's like cozy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Obscures a little bit. Sure.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Have you ever ridden? It doesn't exist anymore. But a Virgin America flight.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I see.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Oh yeah. No, I haven't anymore. Right, Okay. I wasn't going to say like Pegasus.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I think that was. Would be more interesting than what you're talking about right now. Like, like.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

So they get to the third hotel. It's a brightly lit room with a stove.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's lit just enough like a. Like a Virgin Airline flight. That's right.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I love those flights.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

No stove top, but it has like a, like a kettle, a plug in kettle that you can boil and you can cook anything with this. It's amazing. So they fill a mug with boiling water. 350.

[Scott Aukerman]

150 pages.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Just from that you're making me skip ahead.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cut to page 500. What happens on page 500?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

They decide he has botched the egg. She thinks it is such a waste of her time to be with a man who cannot even cook an egg. She like gives what amount of time.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Has passed since they first saw each other.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I mean it's a little bit of time. Like 90 minutes or something.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Advertisement Voice]

And she.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this book isn't even written in real time.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

It's less than real time.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Well, because we have to hear their thoughts and we have to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can we just cut to the sex? I mean there's.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

There is no sex.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Never.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Not actual sex, but it's the sort of the feeling that you come away with is like, yes. Like what is sexier than someone being honest about what they want? And what he is, which is a piece of shit, because why can't. Can't he boil a freaking egg?

[Scott Aukerman]

It seems to me like, Mariska, these books, you know, normally a romance novel is all about two people. They meet each other, they're hot for each other.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Yeah. This is.

[Scott Aukerman]

They fantasize a lot about having sex with each other, but something's keeping them apart. Usually like some sort of relationship or.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Their social status or the restaurant, the hotel, the Albertine, the Budget, the Nest.

[Scott Aukerman]

The lists of all the hotels and the eggs and all that. That's the kind of stuff none of your audience is interested in. They're interested in.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

In.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are these people gonna have sex? And when they do have sex, is it hot sex? Is it like. Is it everything they've imagined sex to be? Have you ever had sex?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why not?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Well, it's so much work.

[Scott Aukerman]

Take the egg in the hotel and everything out of it.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

You can't just go have sex with someone stupid. Then you're just wasting your time for, like, what?

[Scott Aukerman]

Nothing. Sex is a waste of time.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

But it's a waste of time. Yeah. Great, then I don't want to do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Technically, it is. I mean, unless you, like, Adam, you have two kids. Like, those were the only times that were not a waste of time.

[Adam Scott]

It wasn't a waste of time. That's why those are the only times you.

[Scott Aukerman]

But it's a fun waste of time. Look, Mariska, this book sounds horrible. I usually don't say that about doing the middle of the book.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

What's the polder model?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Oh, that's right. Yes.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

They have to work together.

[Scott Aukerman]

They all work together, but nothing ends up happening. And is it successful? Anyone buying these?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Huge success. Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

Does everyone just automatically get a copy.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Or what do you think it is just like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like a YouTube album or something. So everything is like this YouTube album to you, Adam?

[Adam Scott]

I guess that's the only way.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Just giving away their album one time.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

They did it somewhat long time ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, look, we're running out of time. We just have time for one final feature on the show, and that's. That is a little something called Plugs. Plug Jiz.

[Adam Scott]

Oh, gosh.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was a real fake out.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That got me good.

[Adam Scott]

Well, that's an inexpensive little tune.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

That's.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was Jake Jackhead with lovely plugs. Thank you so much. To Jake Jackhead. All right, what do we plug in, Adam? What does a guy like you have to plug?

[Adam Scott]

Just severance on Friday, the final episode of the season coming out.

[Scott Aukerman]

And don't just watch that one. Although you could.

[Adam Scott]

I guess there are previous episodes.

[Scott Aukerman]

And that's. Do you think that's confusing? Was that concern?

[Adam Scott]

It could be confusing depending on how it's explained.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

And I feel like the way I'm explaining it is potentially confusing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do the characters kind of make this clear, though, that it's the ninth episode of nine? Every.

[Adam Scott]

Every episode. Every. Every character's first line is, okay, it's episode five. This is what needs to happen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, good. It sounds great. Severance on it. And people have to have an Apple.

[Adam Scott]

TV plus subscription on Apple TV Plus. And plus, you can get a subscription quite easily. Easily, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then you can also, like, you get video games and working out and stuff like that.

[Adam Scott]

There's all kinds of stuff on there with that subscription.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyone ever play a video game and work out while watching your show? That would be the trifecta.

[Adam Scott]

Happens all the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Amazing. All right. And Thomas, what do you want to plug?

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I'm going to plug a podcast I'm a fan of called Screw it. We're just going to talk about comics. Two brothers, Will and Kevin Hines, talk about comic books. I've really gotten into it. And what, like.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, what. What is like you.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Well, I like how niche and alienating they are. They really don't let new people in. There's no. Almost no explanation of the backstory of what they're talking about. They assume you've read what they're talking about and already know about it, and then they reaffirm what you know. And. And I'm really into it. And they're.

[Scott Aukerman]

They don't take controversial stances on these. They.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

They just. They toe the party line and they pretty much express what the consensus is on the things they talk about. And if you want to hear that parody back, they're good at it. They're going over the Daredevil comic book series Born Again Right now, which is by Frank Miller and drawn by Dave Mazzucchelli. In the mid-80s was a milestone, great superhero story that's only mildly problematic. So check out that podcast.

[Adam Scott]

It's my recommendation. Sounds great.

[Scott Aukerman]

And, Mariska, what do you want to plug here?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's a short film improvised by Susie Barrett and Rebecca Drysdale. Short, like five minutes. Okay, easy. It's a.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this is quibi.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's Quibi length.

[Scott Aukerman]

And where do people see this? And what are they called?

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

It's called gum, and they can see [e-mail] whatisgum.com that's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

With Rebecca Drysdale. A great talent.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

That's right. Susie Barrett and nobody turd. And they work together. They balance each other out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, interesting. Well, I want to plug. Head over to cbbworld.com I was gonna plug this show called you can't handle the Sleuths.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Yes, I am a of that too. I also should have plugged that.

[Scott Aukerman]

We just had a very funny new episode of that a couple weeks ago, and we just had another this book changed my life episode with Lily Sullivan, Randy Snuts episodes. We got some good stuff in April. We just. Sean Disston and I, we just reviewed the 400 blows, really on our show Scott hasn't seen, and people are really responding to. To that. So head over to cbbworld.com and if you subscribe for a year, you get two months free. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Take one hand, put it up, Take the other, put it down. You're gonna make a box. It's time to start to close it. But don't close it too much or you open up the plug bag. We're opening up that plug bag. And when you open up that plug bag, you open up your heart for.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

The rest of the world.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm talking open up the plug bag. I open up the plug bag bag. Open up the blood bag as hard as you can. Then you open up your heart. Open. Open up. Oh, man. Hearing Dr. Sweet chat the small talk robot say, oh, no. It delights me to no end. That was Dr. Sweet Cha Cha with Oye Como Plug. Guys, I want to thank you so much, Adam. Always great hanging out with. You are. I mean, I know you have two TV shows now. You don't have a lot of time. We ever gonna do another podcast together?

[Adam Scott]

I think we should.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

I think we should.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What about.

[Adam Scott]

I'm drawing a blank just about this. About.

[Scott Aukerman]

About Comedy Bang Bang, where we recap Comedy Bang Bang. Yeah.

[Adam Scott]

Every episode. Yeah. That's a great idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a great idea.

[Adam Scott]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm committing fully right now to all 751 episodes.

[Adam Scott]

That's exactly right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, fantastic. And, Thomas, so great to meet you.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Thanks so much for having me on. I love trying to reach audience for my wares.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Although even though you don't have any.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

I don't know how to get them right now. But at some, you know, I've piqued the interest, and I hope that people will search later.

[Adam Scott]

I look forward to it.

[Thomas Mashed Potatoes]

Thank you, Adam.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then Mariska. Bad book, bad writer.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're really bad.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks for coming by though.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

Thank you. It was a bad time and I think that you have a lot to learn about hosting. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks.

[Adam Scott]

Bye.

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[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, that's it.

[Mariska Beinerbutt]

I'm taking you home with me.

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[Scott Aukerman]

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