Comedy Bang Bang: Bonus Bang – “Can’t Never Did Nothing”
Guests: David Cross, Ruben Fleischer, Chad Carter (“Sam Darling”)

Episode Overview

This special “Bonus Bang” episode, originally released in 2011 and now reissued from behind the CBB paywall, reunites host Scott Aukerman with comedy icon David Cross, acclaimed director Ruben Fleischer, and comedian Chad Carter in the role of ultimate frisbee “advocate” Sam Darling. Across nearly 70 minutes, the guests dive into stories from the alternative comedy trenches, behind-the-scenes tidbits, a riotous “Hollywood Facts” segment, and a character-driven, deadpan exploration of motivation and absurdity.

1. Reunion & Opening Banter (03:00–07:16)

Theme & Setup
Scott reminisces about working with David Cross (his "old Mr. Show pal") and meeting Ruben Fleischer, who directed the very first "Between Two Ferns" episodes. The opening quickly establishes the friendly, irreverent rapport and nostalgia for L.A.’s late-’90s alt-comedy scene.

Notable Quotes

• “If I have any success in show business, a large part of it is credited to him. Reuben Fleischer. No, David Cross is here.” – Scott Aukerman (03:21)
• “Look, we all make mistakes, Scott. If I could go back in time, I’d go back in time and rectify it.” – David Cross, on giving Scott his start (03:35)

Memorable Comedy

• Hypothetical: Would David go back in time to prevent Scott’s hiring before killing Hitler? Cross claims he’d take out Hitler first—unless more Jews just end up “taking over Hollywood” (03:47).

2. Ruben Fleischer’s Comedy Cred & “Between Two Ferns” Origin Story (05:11–07:16)

Key Discussion Points

• Fleischer opens up about starting out as a “huge comedy nerd,” watching legends at Largo (Paul F. Tompkins, Bob Odenkirk) for just $5.
• Ruben describes the serendipity of collaborating on “Between Two Ferns,” giving insight into early web comedy’s DIY roots.

Notable Quotes

• “For me, it was really, honestly, a dream come true...as such a huge fan of comedy, getting to meet these people and then later get to make stuff with them.” – Ruben Fleischer (06:14)

3. David Cross’s “Reputation” & Meeting Bob Odenkirk (07:35–13:28)

Key Discussion Points

• Cross discusses why he’s considered “prickly”—blaming negative press and difficult timing with fans.
• Anecdote: David’s very first encounter with Bob Odenkirk, arranged by Janine Garofalo, was painfully awkward. Odenkirk, eating a sandwich, barely turned around to say hello—a classic “over-the-shoulder” anti-greeting.

Notable Quotes

• “I guess maybe I’m a little hyper aware of my negative press…When you’re doing stand-up...that’s the guy you’re seeing.” – David Cross (07:56)
• “Not even when you’re a little kid are you ever turned down like that.” – Scott Aukerman, on Bob’s brusque greeting (13:25)

Memorable Moment

• The Bob Odenkirk sandwich story, including both perspectives, becomes a highlight of cringe comedy.

4. Ruben’s New Film (“30 Minutes or Less”) & Movie Recap (14:17–16:19)

Key Discussion Points

• Scott gives “Comedy Bang Bang’s stamp of approval” to Ruben’s latest movie (“30 Minutes or Less”), recaps its wacky plot (pizza guy forced to rob a bank with a bomb vest), and lists its big-name cast.
• Ruben summarizes the movie’s screwball DNA and how tightly the comedy moves.

Notable Quotes

• “Bridesmaids, Attack the Block, and your movie. You are the third. So I give this movie the stamp of approval.” – Scott Aukerman (14:41)

5. “Hollywood Facts” with Andy Samberg’s Theme Song (17:10–24:04)

Key Discussion Points

• The infamous CBB “Hollywood Facts” bit: movie trivia, Scott twisting the rules, and guests increasingly frustrated by nonsensical questions and answers.
• Sample “trivia”: Was “The Wizard of Oz” the first movie filmed in color? (FALSE), What animal is Baby in “Bringing Up Baby”? (Leopard, not a tiger).

Notable Quotes

• “The final line [of Chinatown] is ‘Thanks for coming, everybody.’ ” – Scott Aukerman, nonsensically (20:39)
• “Awful comedy piece.” – David Cross, roasting the bit (24:02)
• “I’ve never said it’s a good comedy piece, but it is a comedy piece that I spent five minutes writing. And you will give it the respect it deserves, which is none at all.” – Scott Aukerman (24:04)

Memorable Moment

• Disagreement over “The Shoop Shoop Song.” Scott claims it’s sung by Ariel; David and Ruben insist it’s Cher—Scott sticks to his bit, refusing to yield to reality. (19:45–20:09)

6. Sam Darling (Chad Carter) Joins: Ultimate Frisbee “Advocate” (28:23–42:44)

Key Discussion Points

• Introduction of “Sam Darling,” a motivational speaker who advocates for ultimate frisbee but, due to a frozen bird injury, has never actually played—even his advocacy is tenuous, based largely on reading Yahoo group recaps.
• The group probes the wild improbability and tragicomedy of Sam’s situation—Scott and David point out his mother hauls him up six flights of stairs and that he maintains his “dream” despite zero experience or opportunity.

Notable Quotes

• “I was struck by a frozen bird...it fell at terminal velocity and cracked my vertebrates.” – Sam Darling, deadpan (30:59)
• “You never even got to play. That was going to be your first game.” – David Cross (31:18)
• “If you want to, technically. But I don’t think you have to live your dream to talk about your dream.” – Sam Darling (31:38)
• “She [Sam's mom] is very angry about the situation, almost every waking moment is full of disagreement between us. She is expressing herself very clearly. I’m expressing myself very clearly. And it is super healthy.” – Sam Darling (41:18)

Memorable Moments

• Sam’s “motivational” call and response: “Oh, can’t! — Never did nothing!” (33:20)
• The Yahoo Group connection is his only real tie to ultimate frisbee—for which he has not even attended a single game!
• David and Scott’s escalating disbelief at the level of familial co-dependence and parental sacrifice (38:06–40:26).

7. Musical Bits – "Red Balloon" Song Feature (46:10–48:16)

Key Discussion Points

• David explains Bob Odenkirk’s lack of musical talent (“He really wanted to sing it and we let him. And then it sounded so—it was kind of perfect...it’s funny in its own way because it’s awful. But it’s not so awful that that’s the joke. It’s just bad.” – 46:51)
• Reflects on the dynamic between Bob’s off-key confidence and his own aversion to singing, except in comedic contexts.

Memorable Quote

• “There is nothing that gives me greater joy than listening to Bob trying to sing. It’s so funny. He goes for it so hard.” – Scott Aukerman (47:16)

8. Sam Tries Singing & Aspirations (48:42–50:15)

Key Discussion Points

• Prompted by the group, Sam tries his hand at singing during the “Plane Break” segment, perhaps marking a “new dream.”
• Classic CBB meta-comedy: Sam weighs a new path as a “voice warrior,” with the cast riffing on whether voiceover work could suit him better than ultimate frisbee.

9. Game Segment: “Would You Rather” (51:30–66:39)

Key Discussion Points

• The “Would You Rather” scenario: Live as Nixon’s dingleberry for his entire term or get a new iPhone before your friends (but be a total dick about it, and it gives you cancer after three days).
• The guests get deeply (and absurdly) inquisitive—debating dingleberry sentience, the logistics of Nixon’s butthole, and the repercussions of 1970s cell phone technology.

Notable Quotes & Exchanges

• “Would you be like a sentient dingleberry? Or would it be like a brief span of nothing…?” – Sam Darling (54:16)
• “If I’m getting cancer so severely that it kills me, it’s an accelerated form of cancer. Yes. That’s fine then. I’m barely going to be in pain. I’d rather do that than spend 30 some odd years next to Nixon’s asshole.” – David Cross (63:08)
• “Richard Nixon was the correct answer, but…I dock you…Sam, even though you voted incorrectly, you have the most points. You are a winner.” – Scott Aukerman, judge of the unjudgeable (65:25)

Memorable Moments

• Guests constantly “voting early” and being “docked” points.
• Sam’s reading list is just “Who’s that Canadian Runner? Uh, Terry Fox.” (64:19)

10. Plugs & Final Goofs (67:11–72:10)

Key Discussion Points

• Ruben plugs “30 Minutes or Less” and his next film "Gangster Squad."
• David teases the next season of “Todd Margaret,” and explains the arc of the show (two seasons only), as well as the upcoming “Chipwrecked” (the new Alvin & the Chipmunks sequel).
• Sam “plugs” his soul searching regarding whether to pursue voice lessons or ultimate frisbee.

Funny Final Note

• The episode ends with Sam giving a women’s ultimate frisbee team name: “Princess Glad Layout.” (72:04)

11. Notable Running Gags

• Scott’s straight-faced delivery of patently false trivia.
• The “call and response” motivational clichés from Sam.
• The guests’ testy patience with Comedy Bang Bang’s purposely broken games.
• Frequent subversions of expectations—plugs that veer into anti-plugs, games without clear rules or winners, and “prizes” that amount to nothing.

12. Best-of Quotes with Timestamps

• 03:42 David Cross: “You would prevent me from being hired on Mr. Show before killing Hitler?”
• 13:25 Scott Aukerman: “Not even when you’re a little kid are you ever turned down like that.”
• 19:45 David Cross: “Wait a second. That’s wrong, because the shoop Shoop song was done by Cher in Mermaids.”
• 24:02 David Cross: “Awful comedy piece.”
• 30:59 Sam Darling: “Oh, no. I was struck by a frozen bird.”
• 41:18 Sam Darling: “She is very angry about the situation. Almost every waking moment is full of disagreement between us. She is expressing herself very clearly. I’m expressing myself very clearly. And it is super healthy.”
• 46:51 David Cross: “[Bob Odenkirk singing] is kind of perfect. It’s just—it’s funny in its own way because it’s awful. But it’s not so awful that that’s the joke. It’s just bad.”
• 54:16 Sam Darling: “Would you be like a sentient dingleberry?”
• 63:08 David Cross: “I’d rather do that than spend 30 some odd years next to Nixon’s asshole.”
• 72:00 David Cross: “This has been a delightful waste of time.”

Conclusion

This Comedy Bang Bang “Bonus Bang” delivers everything CBB fans love: spontaneous character improv, deep comedy lore, surreal game-show tangents, and the alchemy of comic minds riffing freely. With David Cross’s sardonic wit, Ruben Fleischer’s filmmaker fandom, and the character-absurdity of “Sam Darling,” the episode swings from sharp industry self-mockery to inspired nonsense, making it a perfect time capsule of Comedy Bang Bang’s unique brand of chaos.

Highly Recommended Moments:

• The Bob Odenkirk sandwich story (10:01–13:28)
• “Hollywood Facts” segment (17:10–24:04)
• Sam Darling’s tragic/farcical frozen bird saga (30:59–36:47)
• Dingleberry vs iPhone “Would You Rather” lunacy (51:30–66:39)

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