Bonus Bang: Ford Rock Hard Eve (Max Silvestri, Tim Baltz, Lily Sullivan)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: Bonus Bang – Ford Rock Hard Eve

Featuring: Scott Aukerman (Host), Max Silvestri, Tim Baltz (as Dr. Harry Footman), Lily Sullivan (as Kayla Dickey)
Release Date: April 30, 2026
Originally Aired: November 27, 2022 (Episode 786)

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Episode Overview

This uproarious installment of "Comedy Bang Bang" is a wild celebratory romp centering on “Ford Rock Hard Eve”—a uniquely deranged holiday from the world of recurring character Kayla Dickey. Host Scott Aukerman welcomes Max Silvestri (comedian/writer and now scripted podcast creator), Tim Baltz as foot-fetishist celebrity podiatrist Harry Footman, and Lily Sullivan as the tiny truck-loving Kayla Dickey, for a character-driven, improv-heavy exploration of fictional holidays, foot fetishes, and the ludicrous traditions of Montrose, Colorado.

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Key Discussion Points and Segments

1. Catching Up with Max Silvestri (05:42–24:00)

• Lincoln, Nebraska Comedy Festival Recap:
  Max and Scott riff on Max’s infamous 10-minute festival set that opened for Dave Coulier, rehashing the surreality of performing in Johnny Carson’s remodeled childhood home—
  "Since I did that set almost four years ago, I wouldn’t say doors have been unlocked, but..." (06:20, Max Silvestri)

• Show Business & Podcasting:
  Discussion turns to Max’s career arc post-festival and his choice to make a scripted audible podcast, "Past My Bedtime", co-written with his now-wife, Leah Beckman.

• The Making of a Scripted Podcast:
  The pair dissect the difference between “organic” CBB-style podcasting and highly scripted audio drama, illustrated with humorous jabs at showbiz and writing with one’s partner:
  "What is having a baby if not giving birth to a podcast?" (16:38, Max)

• Past My Bedtime:
  Max describes his new show as an “oral history of the fastest failure in late-night history”—a parody featuring David Harbour, Whoopi Goldberg, and Zach Galifianakis:
  "It's about a late night show in 2003 hosted by a 10-year-old boy and canceled six minutes into the live premiere..." (20:05, Max)

  • Series spans 10 episodes, 30 minutes each.

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2. Enter Dr. Harry Footman – Celebrity Podiatrist & Wikifeet’s Secret Agent (30:51–52:17)

• Introduction & Vibes:
  Tim Baltz, as Harry Footman (self-styled "celebrity podiatrist and major foot fetishist"), takes center stage, unnerving Scott and delighting in foot-related puns and double entendres:
  "My parents named me Harold Footman...the universe kind of pointing me to podiatry. Also a major foot fetishist." (34:35, Dr. Footman)

• The Wikifeet Confession:
  In a gleeful bombshell, Harry admits to secretly uploading celebrities’ feet photos to Wikifeet—
  "I've been secretly taking pictures of all the celebrities' feet and putting them on Wikifeet over the years. I'm the guy." (37:27, Dr. Footman)

• Foot Fetish and Ethics:
  Lively debate on the conflict of interest between loving feet and treating them medically; Harry waxes poetic about “decayed,” “clawed” feet; describes Scott’s feet as "like a possum that's been half-shaved" (36:39), appalling and amusing the group in equal measure.

• Shoe Rants & Body-Part Rankings:
  The crew banters about which body parts they’d least want “chopped off,” and hypothesize about foot shape correlating to personality — “if your second toe is bigger than your big toe, you're a sociopath" (49:39, Harry).
  Harry advocates for airline passengers going barefoot (“for mental health reasons” 50:09).

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3. Kayla Dickey Returns: Ford Rock Hard Eve, Montrose, and Chili in Boots (58:08–84:53)

• Truck Lover’s Origin Story:
  Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan), Montrose resident and “truck enthusiast,” gives an irreverent backstory:

  • Worked for Mayor Judd Weeby (who “burned down the town, lived as a bear, then returned,” 61:13).
  • Serial truck-enthusiast dater: “I walk along the streets and guys with huge trucks pick me up and yell at me,” (62:12, Kayla)

• Rock Hard Eve Explained:
  The highlight—Kayla details Montrose’s signature holiday, Ford Rock Hard Eve, a “midday” feast where townsfolk "eat and fuck" after ritual shots of gasoline, then participate in an overnight “boots on the roof” tradition.

  • If your boots contain chili in the morning, you’ve been “a good girl”; if soup, you’re “bad”—and exiled for 40 days and nights with only your boyfriend’s truck for company (69:53–73:41).
  • The town’s council (and the ghost of Gerald Ford, the alleged creator of the Ford Rock Hard truck series) decide the fates.
  • Scott, Max, and Harry interrogate the logic of the chili/soup binary, the truck exile, and the town’s patriarchal customs.
  • Kayla: “I've been bad for like four years...I talked back to a guy.” (76:23 & 76:42)

• Montrose Gender Politics: Running jokes about “oldest women as sexless herders,” the social hierarchy, and how “You would fit right in, Scott.” (83:35, Kayla)

• Recurring Gags & Banter: Kayla and Harry barter to reveal their feet for $100; sloshy, sweaty money emerges from Harry’s shoes. "What do you call that condition, Dr. Footman?" "A boner-inducing foot," he replies (59:26).

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4. Rapid-Fire Topics & Notable Quotes

• Scripted vs. Improv Comedy:
  "Scripted podcast is like a TV show you can't see. Now, is that good? Because when my TV's broken and the picture's out, I'm upset." (11:56, Scott)

• On Love, Podcasting, and Marriage:
  "The only way our marriage survives is if we average a 4.7 rating on Audible after six months. That’s built into the vows." (29:01, Max)

• Feet, Chili & Soup:
  "If the boots are filled with chili, you’ve been a good girl. If the boots are filled with soup, you’ve been a bad girl." (69:56, Kayla)

• On Coffee & Diarrhea Days:
  "We're talking the first four hours of the day is all diarrhea. If you have coffee, that's going to...put you in the bathroom for most of the day." (76:08, Kayla) – leading to a surreal gendered discussion about Starbucks habits and digestive reality.

• Gerald Ford Lore:
  "Gerald Ford took a break from being president to create the Ford Rock Hard truck. He wanted the wheels as tall as himself. That was his quote." (80:07, Kayla)

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5. Plugs & Wrap-Up (85:04–92:09)

• Max Silvestri: "Past My Bedtime" on Audible; Leah Beckman’s "Bumper in Berlin" (Peacock)
• Tim Baltz/Dr. Footman: "Righteous Gemstones" (HBO), "Hey Randy" (CBB World), “Shrink” (Peacock)
• Lily Sullivan/Kayla: Ford Rock Hard trucks, "Spirited" movie, her social platforms @alylily

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Notable Moments & Time Stamps

• Discussing Max’s 10-Min Festival Set Recap: 06:11–11:16
• The Ethics of Foot Fetishism and Medicine: 35:10–37:20
• Wikifeet Doctor Confession: 37:27–40:08
• Kayla’s Ford Rock Hard Eve Ritual Description: 68:17–73:41
• Exile and Diarrhea Days: 76:07–76:34
• Old Women as “Sexless Herders”: 83:08
• Closing Plugs: 85:17–92:10

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Tone & Style

The episode brims with rapid-fire wit, physical comedy, and gross-out riffs true to Comedy Bang Bang’s anarchic, anti-authoritarian tone. The style hops between sharp improvisation, absurdist character work, and knowing meta-commentary (on podcasting, scripted comedy, and showbiz), keeping the energy kinetic, weird, and always unpredictable.

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Memorable Closing Quote

"I wish you luck, Kayla...I hope that you come out of this on the other end with some chili in your boots."
— Scott Aukerman (84:36)

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For New Listeners

This episode is a masterclass in character improv and surreal world-building, with enough meta-jokes, long-running CBB lore, and outsize personalities to amuse hardcore fans and first-timers alike. While the recurring fictional holidays and running gags on bodily functions and foot fetishes might prompt double-takes, they’re delivered with such anarchic joy that the ride is always worth it.

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#feet #FordRockHardEve #ComedyBangBang

Transcript

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[Scott Aukerman]

figsrx avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start. Thumbtack knows homes so you don't have to don't know the difference between matte paint, finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro, you just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros, see price estimates and read reviews all on the app Download today. Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here and welcome to another bonus Bang where we are re releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang Out from behind the Paywall. And this week's bonus bang is the latest episode in the series that we are calling A Quickie with Kayla Dickey. Not so quick. I think this is going to be multiple weeks anyway where we are showcasing episodes featuring Kayla Dicke. You know Kayla. She's the tiny woman who loves a guy who owns a big truck. She's played by frequent CBB performer Lily Sullivan. Now this episode is called Ford Rock Hard Eve and it was Originally released on November 27, 2022 as episode 786. A lot of numbers there. Our guest on this one is Max Silvestri, our good friend. He's got a new podcast out you can listen to and then we are joined by celebrity podiatrist and foot enthusiast Harry Footman, played by Tim Baltz. Tim Baltz is Lily's husband and you know him from the Righteous Gemstones Foot. Finally we have Lily Sullivan as Kayla Dickey who explains the Ford Rock Hard Eve holiday, which is in the title. Now, if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang as well as other shows like CBB Presents, Scott hasn't Seen the Neighborhood Listen and Collegetown, become a [e-mail] we have all of the past episodes from the CBB archives. Every live episode we've ever done ad free new episodes, even more original shows and. And we're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But until then, enjoy this bonus bang. The Sidewinder sleeps tonight, unlike other nights when the Sidewinder just does Molly and gets fucking nuts. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Yes. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. We are back, if you can believe it. No, last week wasn't our final episode. We came back, we decided to do one more at least. So welcome back. Happy navi doggy to you. My name is Scott Aukerman. We have a great show coming up a little later. We have a doctor, a physician, one might say. We also have a citizen of a certain town that they live in, as are we all, as they would say in Battlestar Galactica. But before we get to them, we want to get to our guest of honor. By the way, this is the show Humanities Podcast used to be the show that where where we talk to interesting people. Now it's Humanities podcast might expand to humanities and the animal kingdom's podcast. We're not sure. We're testing it out on animals. We're doing animal testing right now and putting lipstick on them mascara and blasting

[Max Silvestri]

Comedy Bang Bang right in their ears.

[Scott Aukerman]

So far they don't like it. I don't know whether it's the mascara, the content of the show, the volume. Not quite sure what it is at this point, but we'll figure that out. Let's get to our guest of honor. I want to say two and a half years ago, wow. He appeared at a comedy festival in Lincoln, Nebraska, did a 10 minute set opening for

[Max Silvestri]

Dave Coulier.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dave Coulier that rocked the world. Rocked the entertainment world.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Since then the floodgates have opened and show business has become available to him. He is out there in a choose your own adventure book of show businesses. Do I want to do this project? Do I want to do this project? He has settled on a scripted podcast from audible by the name of past and we'll find out whether it's spelled P A S S E D or P A S T. My bedtime that is out right now. Boy, he's one of our favorites. Please welcome back to the show Max Silvestri. Hello, Max.

[Max Silvestri]

Hello, Scott. It's so nice to be back. Talking about that festival appearance, was that

[Scott Aukerman]

the last live comedy show you did before?

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, because we talked about it on this show. We did a full episode before.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it was festival before. Just to hype it up and to make sure people went to it. Yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

And then about a year after, we kind of did a like wrap up. Let's collect our thoughts. We've had a little distance to let it marinate. The spices have gotten in. Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

And now did we do one since then too? I feel like we did another one where we got a second round.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, yeah. Maybe this is the fourth time. Talking about. I think it is the 11th.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're trying to have you on once a year just so we can talk about this 10 minute set you did.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. And you're right. Since I did that set now almost four years ago, I wouldn't say doors have been unlocked, but it's as if they're not open.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're not unlocked, but they're there.

[Max Silvestri]

Yes. It's as if I've opened a mailbox and gotten a piece of paper that has like a drawing of where doors are.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Max Silvestri]

So I've. And I wasn't able to keep the drawing, but I did get a good look at it for about a minute.

[Scott Aukerman]

Someone confiscated the drawing.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. The person whose house it was came out and said, you can't have that.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you open the mail at someone

[Max Silvestri]

else's house, you can just do that. Most mailboxes don't lock. It's really just kind of a system of trust and fear of punishment.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is true. Do you think society is different now? I mean, it used to be. Used to not have to put a lock on your mailbox and now I see a lock on, you know, out of 10 mailboxes, nine.

[Max Silvestri]

I know. People don't trust their neighbors anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

People don't trust their neighbor. That's a great way of putting it.

[Max Silvestri]

Because they don't go to a Christian church. And that's mostly what I'm gonna be talking about here today.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Max Silvestri]

So community around faith.

[Scott Aukerman]

So things have changed since the last time you were. Quite a bit.

[Max Silvestri]

Quite a bit. I. I met a lot of new people in Nebraska.

[Scott Aukerman]

Catch us up though, really briefly that 10 minutes.

[Max Silvestri]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was for a festival.

[Max Silvestri]

It was for a festival in Johnny Carson's honor. He's.

[Scott Aukerman]

You had to go on a tour of Johnny Carson's house.

[Max Silvestri]

I was. It was in his hometown. And I was forced to do a tour of his home, which has been completely remodeled, and then watch a video about the remodeling of the house that

[Scott Aukerman]

doesn't seem to have factored into Johnny Carson's life at all.

[Max Silvestri]

I agree. I don't feel that he had a lot of input in how this festival was put together, nor the memorial to his home. And then, yeah, I did a 10 minute set and then the next.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did Dave Coulier watch the set? Did we talk about that aspect of it? Did he give you a great job kid in a Popeye voice or anything after that?

[Max Silvestri]

I wish, I wish you would have heard about it in one of the three previous recaps had he done that. But instead he was. I dressed in an incredibly expensive outfit. And then he changed into like loose fitting regular guy clothes, denim and a hockey jersey before he went on stage in a real. But I mean, he had his finger on the pulse so hard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Most. See, now most performers do the opposite.

[Max Silvestri]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

They arrive in the hockey outfit and

[Max Silvestri]

they go, oh, I gotta dress up, suit or whatever. Instead he took off his beautiful expensive loungewear and put on a giant like Nebraska hockey jersey.

[Scott Aukerman]

See, if I were that rich, because I'm presuming he's rich, I presume.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know that many episodes of Full House reboot. And the reboot. Yeah. Not to mention the reboot. I would assume if I were that rich, I would not dress up a day in my life. I'd be like, you come to me, you dress up for me.

[Max Silvestri]

I'm exactly with you. I'd be like, what I'm wearing right now is what the right rich thing to do is. Because if I get rich, I'm going to assume that every decision I've ever made leading to that point was the correct one. And everyone who doesn't also make those decisions are scum and should be washed like trash down into the gutters. But yeah, he understands that he's still an entertainer because ultimately he walked on stage and gave the audience exactly what they wanted. Unlike I would say that I did not bring an attitude that they felt like seeing. They wanted to hear stories about Full House as we've talked about on multiple episodes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you have any stories about Full House that you told in your 10 minute set?

[Max Silvestri]

I didn't. And that was one of my biggest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Long time. When you think about it, like if you tried to tell, if you had no jokes and Max, you're one of America's greatest comedians.

[Max Silvestri]

Thank you for saying that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have jokes, but say you had no jokes. 10 minutes is too long.

[Max Silvestri]

I. Yeah, I feel like to just stand up and talk and to speak any truth or any honest feelings, I couldn't certainly do it, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, so. So it doesn't sound like a long time in order to fit in Full House stories.

[Max Silvestri]

It was tough. And they had also not told me to prepare any Full House stories. I was sort of like. They were like, we want you to do comedy. And I guess I assumed, and this was my mistake, that I'm still sort of getting my hands around that. What they meant was do the thing like normally do. And that was wrong.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was wrong. What you should have done was tell stories about you watching Full House or

[Max Silvestri]

you ideally behind the scenes stuff of what it was like to do pranks with Bob Saget 24 years ago. And I just. I personally chose to not do that on stage. And honestly, for the best because Dave Coulier covered a lot of that and I feel like I would have been rude to mine.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if you scooped him, though, and just told. It's always funny when you see like a comedian open for someone and then the second comedian gets mad because it's like, I have that joke too, you

[Max Silvestri]

know, it's like I pick on the guy with the big jacket in the audience.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Have you, have you seen that where the. The headliner and you headline sometimes for like, John Mulaney?

[Max Silvestri]

Sure, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Has he said like, okay, here are the five people in the front row you're. You're not allowed to talk to because they're there for me.

[Max Silvestri]

I've never. He's never done that. He wouldn't do that. He's not worried about that. But I have had been in situations at clubs or whatever where they're like, this is years ago. Where they'll say like, and don't do any crowd work. Like that's any. Like, get up there, do exactly 12 minutes. And then, you know, the headliner is the one that's allowed to josh around. Yeah, exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you were allowed to josh around on that fateful night. I was in Lincoln, Nebraska. And it's led you here. Let's talk about this podcast.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, please.

[Scott Aukerman]

In the world, scripted podcast. Which means for the layperson, what.

[Max Silvestri]

Basically it means in the way that a podcast like this feels organic and

[Scott Aukerman]

feels that way planned out a lot,

[Max Silvestri]

of course, every beat. And we're all looking at a big whiteboard right now that kind of has like a flowchart, a three act structure. Exactly. Scripted podcast is sort of, like, more. Feels more like a TV show that you can't see.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mm. Now, is that good? Because when my TV is broken and the pictures out, I'm upset.

[Max Silvestri]

But this is a good thing, like, in an. Like, you. Like, in a rage way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I have emotional problems at home.

[Max Silvestri]

So you're. You're. You're screaming and, like, you don't know where to direct it, and it's.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then the TV thing happens.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, man. It's everybody tiptoeing around. Scott at home. What will be the thing tonight? Well, see, I grew up driving near a drive in theater that we had, and I wouldn't pay, and I would put the radio station. Hold on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hold on a second. You grew up driving near a drive in theater? Well, what a strange upbringing you had that you just drove around this drive in theater all the time.

[Max Silvestri]

I was bringing up the story because it felt unusual and unique. That you haven't experienced is exactly why I brought it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

So let me see.

[Max Silvestri]

Would you like me to bring up. This is the Dave Coulier thing all over again. Let Dave Coulier talk about the house. Let me.

[Scott Aukerman]

You wake up in the morning, 8am Your parents say, let's take a drive around the drive.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. I'm 12 years old. I go for the keys. They say, fine, I drive, you drive them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this is getting even weird.

[Max Silvestri]

No, they're in the house. They're having breakfast. They've lost control of it years ago. No, we're speaking in the houses where the keys are kept. The way I grew up, keys were in the house.

[Scott Aukerman]

Keys were in the.

[Max Silvestri]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

We kept them in the backyard, but. Yeah. Okay, go ahead.

[Jake Grez (Nurse Jake)]

That's fair.

[Max Silvestri]

That's a totally reasonable way to do it. But we're from different worlds. And get in the car, open the garage. I'm not gonna walk you through every step, but I. Then drive near.

[Scott Aukerman]

So the lights are out, I presume, and you're fumbling around for the.

[Max Silvestri]

For the car. I slapped the garage door opener, and the garage door had an automatic light. Had an automatic light. Okay. And, you know, a little bit of daylight in the garage was fair. So the way that I was able to find objects, you just leave this

[Scott Aukerman]

garage door open after you leave.

[Max Silvestri]

So the way I'm able to find objects and stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Steve's going into your house and stealing everything.

[Max Silvestri]

That's for my parents to handle. I'm not there. I'm near a movie theater. A drive in movie theater at this point. But I would put the radio on, and you could get the drive in Movie theater station. Yeah. And it's like experiencing a movie without having to look at anything. You can look at other stuff. You don't have to pay. That's kind of what this podcast is.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're listening to Van Helsing.

[Max Silvestri]

Exactly. Yes. The movie Dragon Heart starring Dennis Quaid is a specific example that I remember where I didn't realize I was near a movie theater. Thought I'd found a radio station that played audio dramatizations of popular movies that

[Scott Aukerman]

were in theaters maybe two months earlier.

[Max Silvestri]

Exactly. And. And it. And I was sort of into it because Dennis Quaid, he's got star power. I could tell what movie it was, but then there was just sort of a long period of grumbling and Foley noises and leaves crunching and then the growl. And I was like, oh, they're not really telling the story.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did it give you an appreciation for those Foley artists? Because it's like they do a lot. Anytime. See, this is the thing you don't know. Anytime you hear anything in a movie other than dialogue, it's a Foley artist

[Max Silvestri]

having to recreate it. It's crazy that people don't know that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Footsteps, doors creaking, people like someone touching someone on the shoulder, they'll put in kind of one of those noises. Because mics can't pick that stuff up on a set.

[Max Silvestri]

No, they can't. It's actually, I highly recommend people watch the Dune trailer, the original Dune trailer, because there is a one little scene lit in this trailer where Jason Momoa is talking to Timothy Chalamet.

[Scott Aukerman]

So the original Dune Trail.

[Max Silvestri]

Well, the first trailer for the most recent Dune movie. So you'll be sorting.

[Scott Aukerman]

So the Warner Brothers trailer of the recent.

[Max Silvestri]

Of the recent one.

[Scott Aukerman]

So how are we supposed to know which one's the original Dunk.

[Max Silvestri]

It'll say trailer number one. It'll say trailer number one. But Jason Momomoa touched the chalamet on the arm in kind of an improvised way six times in the middle of the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you hear the Foley artist go, oh, shit.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. And it's too late. And it's all in the trailer, because it would have not made sense. And it's just amazing what Foley artists do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Incredible. So you grow up in this strange town.

[Max Silvestri]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you listened to this stuff and then you said, okay. Then we had the detour into the ten minute set.

[Max Silvestri]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then you were like, okay, what can I do with this art form? So what does Max Silvestri do with a scripted audio podcast?

[Max Silvestri]

Well, I wrote it along with my wife, who I live with. We weren't married when we started, and we were married by the end of it, really.

[Scott Aukerman]

So was that part of it? Where suddenly did you type out will you marry me? And read page 69? Dear, I've got a rewrite I think you're gonna like.

[Max Silvestri]

I have a new idea for an episode. It's a love story. Well, I just feel like it's kind of a very modern but already classic test of a relationship of like, okay, can you help together? Can you go on vacation together? Can you write a scripted original together and produce it and do all the scripts? And we, as soon as we kind of were in post production, we looked at each other and we're like, I just worked.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

I mean, what is having a baby if not giving birth to a podcast? I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. Yeah. It just hits different.

[Max Silvestri]

It does hit different. And it was really cool how a bunch of the speeches at our wedding, including the ceremony, mentioned that we'd done a podcast together. I felt like it was just sort of this timeless romantic moment that it was wonderful to experience then. And I know I'll look back being so happy that that was called out.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's never gonna seem like it was of that moment, that particular year.

[Max Silvestri]

And the podcast wasn't out yet, so it was more just even the idea that we'd written and produced a podcast with no release date at the moment of our ceremony.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that's wonderful. What is your writing process like, every other word or what is it, like, one line? Line at a time. Yep.

[Max Silvestri]

And then we take a walk together. Okay. And then we come back. We will eat, you know, not a full meal. Like, snacks. Grapes, figs, cheese, you know, that sort of classic snacks, whatever you can pluck

[Scott Aukerman]

or whatever is just on hand.

[Max Silvestri]

Then we huge scream fight. Never about the line. But it's obviously about the line.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Max Silvestri]

But it's about some little thing of just like, you know, why don't you mention in that email, you know, stuff like that, things around the house. This is how you do a dishwasher. And then we make love. Shoot for the fight. Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course.

[Max Silvestri]

And then we look at the line again and we do another pass edit, and it all starts over. And it's just from there, it's just brick by brick.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So that line. How many times does that line get rewritten? It's interesting when you read a script. And this is a glimpse inside the writer's process, because I've written a few in my day. Of course you have if you're reading any script, it is crazy how many times the first page has been rewritten over and over and how few times the last page has. It's like the first page has probably been rewritten, written 250 times and the last page maybe once.

[Max Silvestri]

That is, that is exactly the energy of what we belabored the first half so intensely. Can we make everything perfect and then we finish the rest on time? That's the story of the last fours that got turned in.

[Scott Aukerman]

But really, any piece of entertainment, the last few episodes of anything are just shit, right?

[Max Silvestri]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, maybe movies like look at Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. Everyone complains about the last season. It was just because they had a deadline.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, they were tired.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, they're tired. Let some people sleep. They've been working so hard on the first five seasons. Then the sixth one, they're just like, okay, we gotta turn this in.

[Max Silvestri]

Come on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly.

[Max Silvestri]

People are tired. It's kind of like the title of our scripted Audible original It's Past My Bedtime. You know, let me go to wonderful bed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Past My Bedtime is the podcast it is on Audible, which when I was growing up, Audible was just a company that. Where you could listen to books like the Harry Potter book by that notorious TERF, J.K. rowling. And now they have expanded into making podcasts. Tell us what Past My Bedtime is. Sure.

[Max Silvestri]

It is. The little subheading is. It is the untold. It is an oral history of the fastest failure in late night history. It is narrated by a journalist played by David Harbour of Stranger Things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Talking Hellboy.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, not the first Hellboy.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, the original Hellboy, as you would put it.

[Max Silvestri]

Watch the first trailer for the newest Hellboy and I think you'll have an idea. David Harbour is. But it's about a late night show in 2003 that was hosted by a 10 year old boy and was canceled six minutes into the live premiere.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this a true story or is this a something that you just.

[Max Silvestri]

This is the. This is the mud we want to muck around in. This is the tension we're playing with here that you're asking is exactly the conversation we want to be having.

[Scott Aukerman]

But it's fake.

[Max Silvestri]

But it is fake. It's cast of actors and it's all actors and they do characters and it's like silly and there's fun. Yeah, it's fun. Who's it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I saw a cast list, not like those cast lists in high school drama where you try out for the play and they post it to a door or anything. It wasn't like that.

[Max Silvestri]

That would have broken my heart if you'd gone looking in person somewhere, because it's not even out to the local

[Scott Aukerman]

high school to see if I could see the cast list of this.

[Max Silvestri]

If you go to the SAG building or whatever, they just put all these things, all cast lists for every. And I will say the crowd of people huddling to look at what's posted is a real bummer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone crying.

[Max Silvestri]

It's dark energy. The line for the bus after sucks, but it is David Harbour, Whoopi Goldberg, Zach Galifianakis, a lot of cbee faves really got Lennon Parms in it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this some sort of a big mouth by Nick Kroll situation where Paul F. Tompkins and I are alluded to in it, but we don't have parts like in that show. We're drawn into the show.

[Max Silvestri]

That's funny you say that because there's actually two writer, comedian, actor characters that are named Scott and Paul, of course. And they're such a big part of it, and it was such a struggle

[Scott Aukerman]

to cast them, but it's an amazing cast. How long are these episodes?

[Max Silvestri]

It's ten 30 minute episodes and it

[Scott Aukerman]

starts as 300 minutes total.

[Max Silvestri]

A little more than that. It's on the, you know, almost 320 minutes.

[Scott Aukerman]

320 minutes, yeah. Okay.

[Max Silvestri]

And they're all out. And you know, if you have an audible plus, it starts as a story of behind the scenes of this, this late night show, but it becomes sort of a search for where the boy is now and kind of a bigger conspiracy theory. It becomes a bit of a mystery.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, and is it solved by the end or does it just like. Well, I just quit.

[Max Silvestri]

No, it does. It's solved by the end. It's got a really satisfying ending. It's not.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it doesn't just stop in the middle of an episode.

[Max Silvestri]

I mean, while we were writing it, we would have loved to do exactly that.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's a new concep.

[Max Silvestri]

What if it just ends?

[Scott Aukerman]

What if we just stop 10 minutes into episode six? It just ends.

[Max Silvestri]

But we still get all the money we talked about. Yeah. How about that? Is that a fun deal?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that's fantastic. I. I'm really anticipating and looking forward to listening to the fruits of your wife and. And your labor.

[Max Silvestri]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Metaphorically, literally. If you were to ever have sex and have a baby, I would listen. Listen to them. Yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

I mean, hopefully we'll get them into the podcast. Podcast space early.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, is it Embarrassing to you to say podcast instead of podcast.

[Max Silvestri]

I. I am already texting everyone in this room. Please take that out. I'm flipping out. I can't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Unfortunately, our editing machine is broken. Devin's been working on the editing machine for years at this point, and I think there's something where it's like stuck or something, but he can't, like, you know, he's put a knife in there and even when it's plugged in. And he got electrocuted one day.

[Max Silvestri]

But when I did all the, like, ironic slur stuff at the beginning when we were just sitting down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, we weren't rolling.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You walked in doing that.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Sure.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I mean, all the stuff on my T shirt. Thank God this is a podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Past my bedtime. What do people do? Just put those words into a search bar or something and.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, go to audible.com any search bar. Any search bar, really. I mean, really any bar. Just say the name. Past my bedtime. You're going to get a bartender with a phone. He can look it up, look up where you live, get you and mail a copy of it to your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, wonderful. It's out there on Audible. People should be listening to this. Approximately 320 minutes. We need to take a break. When we come back, we have physician and we have a citizen of a town. How excited are you to stick around? We're gonna be right back. We have more comedy Bang Bang after this. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace. It's your all in one platform for building a standout online presence. Whether you're launching something new or leveling up your business, you can secure your domain, create a polished website, share what you have to offer, and get paid all in one place. I hate going to a separate place to get paid. Now you can get paid right there at Squarespace. Squarespace makes it easy to book gigs, sell services, and get paid. With built in scheduling, invoicing and email tools, you can create a standout site fast using AI or designer templates. No experience needed. Plus, built in SEO helps fans and clients find you while custom domains keep your brand polished and secure. Showcase videos, promote events, or even monetize content. Everything is designed to help you grow your audience and your business. Check out squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial. And when you are ready to launch, use offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Aura Frame is the perfect Mother's Day gift. To capture the chaos that you put her through and the memories that came with it. Make a meaningful impression with a gift that feels personal from the very first moment. Photos can be preloaded before the frame ship so it arrives already filled with favorite memories. And a custom message can be added to create an extra special unboxing experience. Thoughtful, ready to enjoy. Uniquely tailored. It is a gift that, that instantly feels one of a kind. Now I have said this before. I'm glad Aura's back. I think it is the greatest invention since gps. It's a frame that basically you just upload pictures to and they constantly cycle through every minute. Every couple of minutes you look over at the frame, there's another couple of pictures there that you, you took and you're always, it's, it's a conversation piece. You're always like oh look, remember that. I cannot tell you how many times a day we're gathering people over and going saying hey look at this. Do you remember when you were young like that? This is for a baby, not for your mother. Although I guess you could say it to your mother. It is a great, great gift. The best gift that I have given. It's named number one by Wirecutter. So you can save on the gifts moms love by visiting auraframes.com for a limited time. Listeners can get $25 off their best selling Carver mat frame with code Bang Bang. So what that is is a U R A frames.com Oraframes.com promo code Bang Bang. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[Max Silvestri]

Hey, are you. Hey, hey, hey hey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shut up for a second. Let me talk to you. Are you one of those people who actually likes their money? I feel you family people members out there there. Unfortunately traditional big wireless carriers, they like your money too and they want it coming over to them. So if you are tired of spending hundreds on crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees and free perks that cost you more in the long run then a premium wireless plan from mint mobile for 15 bucks a month might be right for you. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Bring your own phone and number, activate with ESIM in minutes and start saving immediately. No long term contracts, no hassle. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop [e-mail] Bang Bang. That's mintmobile.com Bang Bang. Upfront payment of $45 for 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 per month. New customer offer for first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra cement mobile for details. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Max Silvestri. Past my bedtime is the scripted podcast. While we don't suggest you listen to any other podcast other than Comedy Bang Bang, unless there's an emergency that is out there and one can listen to it if they choose to, but we do not suggest that they do.

[Max Silvestri]

So it would mean a lot to my wife, Leah Beckman and I. The only way our marriages survives is if we average a 4.7 rating on Audible after six months. That's kind of built into the vows. I know.

[Scott Aukerman]

With the podcast ratings being what they are and slipping the way they.

[Max Silvestri]

And the trolls.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, the trolls.

[Max Silvestri]

So, yeah, it's the only way our marriage. And I love her with all my heart, so I need this to work. I've put so much of my youth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have to do a podcast a year with her just to, like, keep everything. The juices flowing?

[Max Silvestri]

Keep it. Yeah, I think. Well, I think we might just write more episodes of this one. Not put them out, but just to kind of, like, capture that magic. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. We need to get to our next guest. He is a physician. Do you have a physician, Max?

[Max Silvestri]

I've seen one before. I don't have one.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have a personal relationship with a physician?

[Max Silvestri]

No. Every time something's wrong with me, I start from zero.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I go to someone new.

[Max Silvestri]

I like. I have to. I don't know where the website is. I don't. I don't know who's.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're young enough that nothing's going on yet.

[Max Silvestri]

I don't know. Things are piling up. I really should develop a relationship.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you got? I don't.

[Max Silvestri]

Just. Things are always, like, hurting, and I feel like my teeth are going to start to fall out soon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really should see someone.

[Max Silvestri]

I should. Do you have a regular physician?

[Scott Aukerman]

I do, yes. In several areas, yes.

[Max Silvestri]

Which areas?

[Scott Aukerman]

The body. Of your. Of the body?

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have a body physician.

[Max Silvestri]

And then.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then little parts of the body that go like. Well, I. I'm only going to talk to you about this one. I'm. You know, it's a racket because, like,

[Max Silvestri]

one doctor doesn't want to learn about all the parts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. That's the thing. Like, you would think that your doctor would know everything about everything, because he's everything.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

But then he's like, oh, okay. Something wrong with your foot? Okay, go see this guy.

[Max Silvestri]

Chapter in school yeah, exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

These people are idiots. Anyway, let's talk to one. Speaking of foot doctor. He is a podiatrist. He fancies and styles himself as a celebrity podiatrist. Please welcome to the show, Harry Footman. Hi.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Thank you very much. Scott, is that your voice? Honor to be here. What's that?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's your voice?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I was just thrown.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Unbelievable. Is this your voice? Are you putting on an affect? I pray to God at night, I get down on my knees right in front of my bed and I pray to God Scott is putting on an accent that's not his real voice. It's disgusting. It grates in my ears. Anyway, how are you?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, is this the first podcast you've ever done? Because if you've never heard your voice back, you wouldn't know that. It's like, it's, it's extreme. I, you know, you ever, you know that word, extreme, like sports and, and certain sodas.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Politics. Yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

Ideological views, it's just, it's very different.

[Scott Aukerman]

I apologize. I don't mean to set you back on your heels immediately.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, that's the way you say yeah,

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. We're learning a lot about it.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if you want me to do

[Scott Aukerman]

a character voice, I don't want you to do anything. I just want you to be yourself.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Definitely. Because when I come out, when I listen, you know, I'm not just your podiatrist. You are a celebrity. I'm also a huge fan of the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

I didn't want to.

[Max Silvestri]

I.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because of HIPAA laws. I didn't want you to reveal that you were my. But yes, you are my.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Because every time I'm looking at your feed, I'm like, these are the feet that create complex somebody. Bang, bang.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I've never heard your voice before because you're always looking down at the feet and so it's always going into the floor.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the first time I'm actually hearing.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I use text to talk when I'm in the office because I don't want to upset people with my cadence.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

But, you know, every time I'm listening to the podcast, give me Scott Aukerman. You know, give me interesting characters. Give me hard hitting interviews with an acerbic tone. Perfection. Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Welcome to the show.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean that genuinely.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I mean, I'm honored to be here. Despite all the abuse I've already taken.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think it's abuse. I was thrown, and I apologize. I don't mean to make you feel that way.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

It's all right. I've got an angelic face. Everyone assumes that I'd have some kind of dulcet tones.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is. You look very cherubic.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Thank you. Yes. I've got nice big cheeks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Chubby cheeks, one might say.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, chubby little Gerber cheeks. I mostly baby Steve Gerber cheeks. Steve Gerber. What an odd icon. What an incredible man. Used to be a baby, and now

[Scott Aukerman]

a lot of people don't know he

[Max Silvestri]

was the Gerber baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

And he grows up in what is he married to Cindy Crawford? Is that who I'm thinking of?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

It's not who you're thinking of. Oh, who am I thinking? Randy Gerber.

[Scott Aukerman]

R. Same guy.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

He's the other guy, changed his name. Used to be Steve Gerber. Now he's Randy Gerber.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is a story?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Has sex with Cindy Crawford. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're talking about the same guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Welcome to the show. So you're a celebrity podiatrist?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I'm a podiatrist for celebrities.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not a celebrity who does podiatry?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

No, I'm not very well known at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

But after this episode, maybe.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

Scott's giving you quite a platform. I mean, this seems really nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I mean, that festival in Lincoln, Nebraska, the most advertising they've ever received is year four appearances here.

[Max Silvestri]

And that's why the whole world now knows the name of that festival, which even I. I could say if I wanted to.

[Scott Aukerman]

If we wanted to. We have no desire. Yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

We've said it so many times, and obviously, I know what it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tired of saying it at this point.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I bet if you did say it, Scott would cut it out. He didn't. And that's a Dave Coulier joke.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, thank you so much.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

He would edit it out of the podcast. He wouldn't want people to know. They've had enough advertising.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's talk about the elephant in the room here. And that the name Harry Footman.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is that a. Is that. You know, it's not a stage name when you're a doctor.

[Max Silvestri]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not a nom de plume. That's when you're a writer.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

No, no, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is it for a doctor when you take a fake name?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, Great question. So, I mean, my parents named me Harold Footman. Their last name was Footman. People used to say Harry Footman. You know, they called me Harry Footman and so I think it was just the universe kind of pointing me to podiatry. Also a major foot fetishist.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, oh, oh, really?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

Is that like a conflict of interest to. To be examining people?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think there's anything in the rule book about it. Is it? I mean, you're right. You know what I mean? It's like, I guess that's question you could at. Like, you go to your gynecologist and

[Max Silvestri]

you're like, do you love this?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Do you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you don't love this.

[Max Silvestri]

And it's like, you love podcasting, so it's not like a crime that you get to do the thing that gets you visibly erect for two hours every

[Scott Aukerman]

week, as they say. Well, do whatever you love, and you. Whatever the rest, however the rest goes,

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

you pay to do what you love and you never work a day in your life. So, Scott, back to when you were saying when you go to your gynecologist and you're asking them questions.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, do I have a vagina? This is not. What.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

No, stop making appointments with me. This is a penis and balls.

[Max Silvestri]

The reason you can't remember the last time you've had your peer. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, perfect.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you have. But you have a foot fetish. That's interesting. So. And you've had that ever since you were young or.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yes, I've always been. Yes, I've always been seduced and attracted to a beautiful foot.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what makes a foot beautiful? Because I look at these things and I'm just like.

[Max Silvestri]

Disgusting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, disgusting.

[Max Silvestri]

I don't think people should be allowed to wear sandals. Like, is there an idyllic foot? Like a perfect foot?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, absolutely. Probably the ideal foot is a woman's 12 and a half, a man's 13 and a half. Clawed toe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Claude.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Claud. Toes. That's a condition. Plantar fascinate.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a condition that means something's wrong with him. But that's a perfect foot to you.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, to me. Everyone has a different definition of a beautiful foot.

[Max Silvestri]

So you see beauty in, like, decay and like, kind of.

[Scott Aukerman]

You find garishly abnormally large feet as well, right?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like Scott's foot, for example, Scott's foot is like, you know, it looks like a possum that's been half shaved.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not comfortable with you talking about how my feet actually look, but. But go on.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Well, honestly, thank you for the platform, Max.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which half has been changed?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

The bottom half, thank goodness. But. But Max, you were. You were alluding to this earlier. And Scott, you know, you said the same thing. You have such a huge platform. You know, I hope my podiatry business gets the bump, but thank you, but. No, no, no, no. I'm being serious. What I mean to say is

[Max Silvestri]

I

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

came on the show to make a confession.

[Scott Aukerman]

A confession? Oh, okay. Well, to a crime or not, maybe

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

a crime of passion. I've been secretly taking pictures of all the celebrities feet and putting them on wikifeet over the years.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're the Wikifeet doctor.

[Max Silvestri]

I knew they had a source. There was too much stuff. They had access to much.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're the guy.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I'm the guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Max Silvestri]

How did your patients not know? Because I feel like a lot of those photos have like a quarter or a dollar bill for the feet, for scale. And I'm like, how are people walking barefoot next to money and not picking it up?

[Scott Aukerman]

And how do you have so many quarters? Like, anytime there's a parking meter that doesn't take credit cards now it's like, Jesus Christ. And you have all these quarters just laying around.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My secret is I got go to the bank and I say, can you break this into quarters?

[Max Silvestri]

Great. Is that the confession? Great. How you get the quarters.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

That's my confession. That's my time. Thank you. Stand up. Reference. Dave Coulier. Cut it out. Alanis go down on me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did he mention that, by the way?

[Jake Grez (Nurse Jake)]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was he like, look, yeah, okay, let's

[Max Silvestri]

get out of the way. He was all class, so it wasn't like. But he did mime it. He did mime it and then play her full album.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, good.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, I guess that's alluding to it in some ways to blast the album and do the.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

You know, my favorite song on that album.

[Scott Aukerman]

How would we know? Yeah, I mean, it's pretty. Do you want us to rank it in terms of like, the hits you want to know?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Biggest hit staring you in the face. It's heavy. Feet give me. I had no choice but to hear you. You stated your case time and again. I thought about it. You've already won me over. You know it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Head over. Yeah. You have a beautiful voice.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yep. Smooth like silk. Rich like chocolate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Those are the two things. When those can combine silk and chocolate. Silk and chocolate. I mean, diamond and silk. Even better. But some silk and chocolate. Amazing.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Silken chocolate. My mouth is open. Diamond, diamond and silk. My ears.

[Scott Aukerman]

In your mind.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

In my mind. In my mind's eye. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyway, so you're the guy. You've been uploading them.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Well, I've never had any complaints because usually celebrities feet are beautiful. They take care of them. And everyone's always like, you know, five out of five beautiful feet, lovely arches, you know, I'd suck on that nail bed, etc.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you know the kind of things.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

You know, this.

[Scott Aukerman]

You go, are you the one also leaving comments?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

But I kind of outed myself recently because.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, a few seconds ago, I uploaded.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I uploaded pictures of Scott's feed, and then that's when not just myself, but all these other people started commenting. This is disgusting. I can smell it through my computer.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, really?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Pu. Situation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Situation.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

And so I felt bad. And, you know, even though I'm a foot fetishist and a podiatrist and, you know, we're notoriously soulless people.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

What's that?

[Max Silvestri]

Is that a foot joke?

[Scott Aukerman]

I get it.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

I haven't heard that about doctors. Do you mean doctors or podiatry?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Just podiatry, really? Just. Yeah, the most trustworthy doctors. Doctors are probably urologists, because they're. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've never met one who's not a weirdo.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

A urologist.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, they're all very strange people. I've gone to two in my life, and both of them bizarre.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

You're sure it wasn't just someone trying to get your pants off, saying they were urologists?

[Scott Aukerman]

Pretty sure.

[Max Silvestri]

Although they were successful both times, because that would work.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's true.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Great news, Mr. Ockerman. You do not have a UTI.

[Scott Aukerman]

But so you think they. They're the most trusted, and then podiatrists are the least. Is it because of the quality of. Of the thing they study? Like, okay. Like, if you were to say, okay, Max, I'm gonna chop something off of your body. What's the thing you don't want me to chop off? And what's the thing you wouldn't mind me chopping off? Oof.

[Max Silvestri]

I mean, I. I wouldn't want to lose my thumb or my nose. Those are tied for tops.

[Scott Aukerman]

Those are tied for tops.

[Max Silvestri]

I could lose my pinky toes. Like, they were nothing. I mean, sometimes I'll see maybe a shoe online that is not my size. I would. I would lose the toe if it meant fitting.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this is kind of my. My thing. I. You know, most people would say, hey, stay away from the Johnson. I. But that's. That's the middle of the road for you.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, I'd say, like, if there. I'm guess if. Let's say there's 20 body parts, I'm not going to try to think of them, but let's just.

[Scott Aukerman]

There are famously just 20 body parts.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

20.

[Max Silvestri]

That you could take off the mane, which is what I call the torso sometimes.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're horny on Main, aren't you?

[Max Silvestri]

But yeah, I would put kind of like where the penis is kind of right in the middle. That's where I would put it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, yeah, you've been going down from the top of the body in terms of your preference, too.

[Max Silvestri]

I guess I got my head in the clouds. Yeah. Ears, nose. Exactly.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Are you the guy outside with the car that has the bumper sticker that says, go ahead and chop off my Johnson?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that you?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Is that your car?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I saw that Prius.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Tinted windows. Gotta have them tinted.

[Max Silvestri]

It's okay, so. But you played it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You put a Tesla sticker on it, even though it's a Prius. It's very weird.

[Max Silvestri]

It's H8J, H N S N. Hate Johnson. But then the kind of rim around it says, go ahead, chop off my Johnson. I would love to lose it. Not only do I not need it, I would love to see it gone.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Right.

[Max Silvestri]

I mean, you can start reading that phrase in any. You know, because it's a circle.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, Know that.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So. But. But that's my point, Harry, is that. Is. Is that.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

That's my father. Call me Mr. Footman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, Mr. Footman. Dr. Footman. I disrespect my father, but most people. People would say Johnson. So, like, it's like, oh, if you're a doctor to this trusted thing that I never want chopped off, I trust them. But meanwhile, you could chop off my foot and I'd be fine with it. And you're the doctor of that kind of stuff.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although I think it's great to refer to your Johnson as my trusted thing. I'm about. Oh, I'm about to pull out my trusted thing. You're getting my trust.

[Scott Aukerman]

Am I announcing I'm pulling this out, too?

[Max Silvestri]

I'm.

[Scott Aukerman]

If I'm pulling it out, there's no one in the room.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Or.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not announcing it.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

You're at a urinal pissing into some ice. It's time to use my trusted thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

The guy who's. Who lays down the ice, by the way, in my favorite restaurant, Didomio. Yeah, I've talked to you.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah. Nothing more satisfying than taking your trusted thing out.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not announcing this in the bathroom, by the way. Although I may start.

[Max Silvestri]

Hey, everyone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just so there's no confusion and I don't get, you know, me too'd here. I'm about to pull out my trusted thing.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, that's what enthusiastic consent is. Is it okay if I pull out my trusted thing and absolutely pressure wash this ice?

[Scott Aukerman]

You need to get consent from everyone in the restroom. I think that's important.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

All I need to have sex is a smile.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is important. It is interesting. I think I brought this up before. The public restroom is one of the only places in the world that you can pull out your penis and handle it in public.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Go off king

[Scott Aukerman]

is. It is a weird thing to do.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

You're about to do 10 minutes in Nebraska because.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then they don't let you do it in a strip club. That's the place. It should be legal.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. Where are these rules written down? There's no rulebook for this stuff anymore.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

How come the customers can't strip as well

[Scott Aukerman]

up on stage?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

You're giving me a lap dance. It's my turn.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, I'm being, you know, you're just trying to be generous. You're trying to give back back. You know, I think that's being a good customer. Yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah. So we've touched on a lot of different fetishes. I think it's fine. That minor feet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, I guess so. I mean, you know, hashtag feet.

[Max Silvestri]

How do you reckon. Can I just say, how do you reconcile your love of disgusting, twisted, mutant feet with what I imagine celebrities want, which is kind of a more normative. Yeah, Smooth, long, straight toed look like. Do you give them what they want or do you try to sell them on your vision of repulsive beauty?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

That's a great question. I'm not repo. I'm not being reproachful at all. But let's be mindful of our language, you know, normative. What is normal? Like Scott has absolutely hideous feet. Normative.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like he's telling everyone that, you know, and they. I've asked you to do something about it.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

They literally like point like a snout into one big toe at the end of it, like a possum. They make a little squeak sound every time he steps.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, I look, you sound cuter and cuter the more you talk about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Honestly, like a little elf or a stuffed animal or something.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

But you ever wonder why he's so good at running on the top of a fence?

[Max Silvestri]

Sometimes. I'll be in the waiting room at Earwolf and I'll see Scott go by with a little lemon in his hand. And then he goes back with no lemon in his hand. And then he comes back with another lemon. And I'm like, how is he doing this so fast?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Anyway, I'm not saying, you know, and no matter what your feet look like, treat yourself. Get a pedicure, feel confident, you know, then take pictures of your feed and upload them. Get horny on main, Put them to the grid. You know what I mean? Whatever your social media presence is, it's time for a vibe shift. Hashtag feet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hashtag feet. What's popping up when you click on that?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Hashtag on hashtag feet. Yeah, Scott, come on, what do you think?

[Scott Aukerman]

Probably close ups of feet, but I have no idea.

[Max Silvestri]

I'm imagining your Discover page right now on Instagram. What the algorithm is giving you based on what you look at. And it's. It's twisted.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

It's all that in Love Island 3. And I've uploaded pictures of all their feet.

[Scott Aukerman]

The entire cast that you've taken yourself.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yes, Nancy. The feet of a goddess Zena. The feet of a goddess Cole. And this is not.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is not Love Island. This is.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

No, this is Love is blind. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

When I hear Zana, but I know you're talking about.

[Max Silvestri]

About love.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah. What I'm talking about Bartis and Cole, two of the most selfish, disgusting, self involved feet you'll ever see.

[Scott Aukerman]

So do the feet. I mean this. And this is a good question. I think if I'm judging my own questions, I give it an A. But you know how every once in a while you'll see a dog who looks exactly like its owner? Do feet look like their owners?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah. If someone's flexible enough to put their feet up next to their face, it's. Their face just gets wider.

[Scott Aukerman]

Strikingly similar. Really?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah. Like, give me a flexible person. Give me a clean foot. Give me it next to someone's head.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel like we're. Now suddenly we have a new fetish for you. We're just getting pretty worked up.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Give me someone who basically like uses their feet to make it look like they're wearing podcast headphones.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, like putting. Oh yeah. Each one on the left ear.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Hello. I'm listening to you. I'm turning the volume up. He he. I'm listening to Max's Pastor Bedtime. Haha. I'm listening to comedy. Bang bang ho ho. I'm getting ready for Christmas.

[Max Silvestri]

Do you feel I need. I want to ask because now I'm starting to think about my own feet. Do you feel like the character, like that any attributes on a person's foot tells you something about who they are. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know how you can read a palm? Can you read a foot and learn something about the person?

[Max Silvestri]

And the way Scott's always talking about, like, skull size tells you a lot about aptitude. And all this stuff off mic that's, like, so interesting because none of us know a lot about it.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Right. But racially tinged, I think we can agree.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm just talking about an article I read.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Okay. It sounds like phrenology. I'm uncomfortable. Yeah.

[Jake Grez (Nurse Jake)]

Huh?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Oh, yeah, you could absolutely. When you're looking at a foot, you can absolutely say, like, oh, my God, the fallopian tubes are here. The urethra is here. Let me rub this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Activate your thigh.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're not talking about physical attributes. We're talking about, like, personality.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. Like, does someone with like. Like a big main toe, are they greedy? That's kind of what I'm looking for.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're second toe, they love money. Are they? Is that where you're getting at, Mags?

[Max Silvestri]

Okay, you've lost me again. Scott.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

We're getting into another tinged area here. No, no, but if the second toe is bigger than the big toe, you're a sociopath. If your third toe is bigger than all your toes, you're. You're a good person.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, so cut and dry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Because you're so ashamed. You live in shame, and so you thought about your actions a lot, and therefore you treat people well because you live by the golden rule, which is reciprocity.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right, Right. Interesting. What do you think of shoes? Should people not be allowed to wear them or what?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Everywhere except the airplane? I think everyone should be barefoot on the airplane.

[Max Silvestri]

Is that a safety thing?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

No, I think it would really. If everyone's looking at each other's feet on an airplane, there'd be a lot less anxiety about being in a metal tube hurtling through space.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's true. Also, they tell you when you fall into the ocean to take off your shoes immediately. So it's like, yeah, you get a. Because they'll drag you down. And so it would give you a head start, wouldn't it?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I think it's mainly because if. If you have shoes on when you fall in the ocean, you probably have stinky feet. And that's the last thing that sharks want to eat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stinky feet. Really? And it's the first thing that mosquitoes want to eat. The smell of the. Well, come on now.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

My talk to Tex is always, like, your feet are incredibly stinky.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mr. Aukerman. Yes. And I'm like, what are you going to do about it? And you never have any solutions.

[Max Silvestri]

You're so good at doing the talk to text voice. You should just do that instead of having that voice. It's pretty comforting.

[Scott Aukerman]

I prefer that voice to your normal voice, if I'm being honest.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

How dare you? We are enemies.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're even doing the yeah, yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yes. No, no, no. Give me Scott Aukerman.

[Scott Aukerman]

So that's not a verbal affectation.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Give me verbal abuse.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, look, Dr. Footman, I appreciate you being here. I don't appreciate you kind of, you know, bearing for no. For no. For lack of a better term, bearing my. My secrets. I'm losing interest in this dismount even as I say it. What do you think about that? Is that due to you? Is that due to me?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's because. It's because you decided to be disrespectful as opposed to thanking me for coming on the podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you think we got off on the wrong step? Foot step?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Oh, I see what you did there. Nice. I've never heard that before.

[Max Silvestri]

But you have heard get off on the wrong step.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As in, like, you trip up the stairs, you shatter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Trip up the stairs, you shatter your

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

front teeth, you give yourself a concussion.

[Scott Aukerman]

Most people are falling down the stairs. I have to say. Look, Dr. Footman, we need to take a break. Is that okay? We need to get to our next guest on the other side of the break. Can you stick around, though? Because I think they have really nice feet that you're going to be very interested in.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I'm into it.

[Max Silvestri]

Okay, great.

[Scott Aukerman]

And, Max, how do you feel about sticking around?

[Max Silvestri]

I feel great. I, like, feel. I would love to see their feet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I think we all agree that we want to see their feet when we come back. Okay.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Hashtag feet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hashtag feet. All right, we're going to come right back. We're going to have more Dr. Footman, more. Max Silvestri will be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Your outdoor space should feel like you. Right. But it can take a long time to get there. Now we have an outdoor space here at our house down out in the backyard. And before Wayfair, we didn't have any chairs there. People, they came, they either stood or they. They had to stand on their. Their head or their hands doing handstands the entire time. And that can get exhausting when you're just trying to have a few canapes. You know, just trying to pass the cav around caviar and you know, we had to get some. Well, enter Wayfair now. Whether your vibe is modern, coastal, farmhouse or eclectic, Wayfair has the pieces to create an outdoor space that is uniquely yours. We got some chairs out for the backyard and people are finally thanking us. Oh, I'm not exhausted anymore. When you, when we come over to your place. Oh, wow. My, my tushy actually feels comforted and cradled by these chairs. I mean, they're just saying they're sitting on the chairs, but look, these are comfortable chairs. I love them. Now, with filters, customer reviews and visual tools that help you actually imagine how the item will look in your space, Wayfair makes it simple to narrow down to what works for your style and your budget. From everything they have, everything from outdoor seating and grills to lighting and decor. Look, Wayfair is your one stop shop for home. I hate stopping at more than one stop when I'm shop. Installation and assembly services are available to create a truly seamless experience. And look, if you want an even faster shortcut to the good stuff, shop. Wayfair verified products that their team of specialists have vetted by with their own hands using a 10 point quality inspection. Get prepped for patio season for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home that is W-A-F A I R.com Wayfair every style, every home. This show is sponsored by Better Help. Do you have things that keep you up at night? And I'm not talking about your children or your loved ones, if you know what I'm saying. And I hope you know what I'm saying. Look, stuff, you know, it sometimes can get hard to sleep. You got stuff that you're going over in your mind and then you look at the clock and it's four in the morning. You're like, I've been thinking about this for hours. Look, look, we mono focus on our problems, don't we? Well, if you've been feeling overwhelmed, stuck or anxious or unsure, that look, that's okay. Those feelings are more common than we think. And May is mental health awareness month, which is a good reminder that you don't have to go through those feelings alone. Having someone with you to listen, to understand and to support you can make all the difference. Whatever is keeping you up at night, therapy with BetterHelp can help you check in with yourself and gain support from experienced professionals. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. Just take a short questionnaire and by God, this thing is short. To identify your needs and preferences. And BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. Feel confident knowing betterhelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US you don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Bang Bang. That is betterhelp.com Bang Bang.

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[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Max Silvestri. Pass. My bedtime is the show. It's not really a show. It's a piece of content. Right.

[Max Silvestri]

It's just, it's, it's slop to put in your bucket to chug before you go to bed and have, you know, no dreams on Ambien. It's just, it's just grist for the milk.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

It sounds like the perfect thing I'd be washing my feet to.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you take care of your own feet, but you can't do anything about mine?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

They're beyond repair.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you can tell me that instead of keeping, you know, you keep saying, like, we'll come back in a month and see. See if anything's different.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, because I want to see how you're doing with your feet. You know, it's about self care.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

You're doing them self harm.

[Max Silvestri]

I'm doing.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm really. They're worse.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Huh?

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, never mind. All right, well, we need to get to our next guest and hopefully we'll see their feet. But she's been on the show several times. She is. Well, she's a citizen of a town, definitely. I can't remember what the Town is. But she's a truck enthusiast. We can say that. Please welcome back to the show Kayla Dick. Hey. Hey. How are you? Hey, let's see them feet.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I'm not gonna be showing my feet today.

[Max Silvestri]

Today.

[Scott Aukerman]

When will you be showing your feet?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Well, I mean, it's gonna, I'm gonna need some money to show that off. I like to get paid for that stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, we work in Hollywood.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

You have to value yourself monetarily a lot.

[Scott Aukerman]

To her is probably chicken feed.

[Max Silvestri]

To us, dangle an opportunity that we'd have looked good on.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I would take 25, 30 bucks.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Here's $100 to keep your shoes off the rest of the recording session.

[Scott Aukerman]

You had that hundred already out.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

It's incredibly sweaty. It's been sitting in my palm.

[Max Silvestri]

You pulled that out of your shoe? Yeah.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I guess I'll take off my boots.

[Scott Aukerman]

The wallet of the clothes.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Well, my boots are off.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Oh, there they are.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Oh. What's wrong? What, what do you call that? What? Dr. Footman. What is, what do you call that condition?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

A boner inducing foot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I don't know why you don't find this attractive. I think it's incredibly beautiful.

[Max Silvestri]

I would just like to say for the audio record, you know, I just got, you asked me to come on and be a good sport. I, I'm just uncomfortable with the three on one sort of dynamic.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I know it's fucked up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you want to switch over to her side?

[Max Silvestri]

I'd like to be asked to take my shoes off is what I'm saying. Sorry. $100. Come on.

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I, I mean, $100. Even though it's not a lot to us, I, I'd still take it.

[Max Silvestri]

I would love $100.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Hold on a second.

[Scott Aukerman]

Other shoes.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Here's $100 to take your, your shoes off for the rest.

[Max Silvestri]

Sopping wet like a wipe you get at a barbecue restaurant.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. What is going on there?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Well, that was in the other foot. The other foot sweats a little bit more profusely.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

My Bella was like, covered in.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah. I made sure that my feet always take care of your feet. You never want, you never want dry feet. It's the opposite of the army.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Max Silvestri]

Sure.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Haven't you seen Casualties of War?

[Max Silvestri]

Boots and socks are one of the top things right. In the army.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

You want to keep your feet, feet

[Scott Aukerman]

dry at all times. Okay, Got it, got it. Anyway, yeah, Kayla, sorry. This is your.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Anyway, see you guys later.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no, no.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I think I'm gonna go.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

No.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

So let's Keep talking about the feet.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Rescinding my time. Rescinding my time.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah. Hey. Hey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Welcome back to the show. Great to have you.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

So great to be here. Missed you.

[Scott Aukerman]

People who this is their first time hearing you.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Missed you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. It's great to have you back on the show.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Missed you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Always enjoy having you, Kayla. So for people who don't know who you are, you. You live in. Where is it?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I live in Colorado. Southwest Colorado. Montrose.

[Scott Aukerman]

Montrose. And long story short, you used to work for a guy named Judd Weeby. Is so.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Okay, the recap. Basically, I was. I used to work for Judd Weeby, who was the mayor of Montrose with my girls. We were all his secretaries. Then he burned down the town when he left.

[Scott Aukerman]

The entire town.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

The entire town.

[Scott Aukerman]

A lot like Mrs. Olearys Cow.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

But that cow used its foot to kick over a lantern, which started a fire.

[Scott Aukerman]

But Judd Weeby, what did he do?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

He left multiple curling irons on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

He started the fire, which. And then he fled into the woods and he was living as a bear. And then he came back for a little bit and then he left again. And obviously throughout that I was fucking him. Me and my girls were all having sex with him.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. During the entire. Soup to nuts. Every part of the.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

On and off. Yeah. Whenever he was in town and not a bear.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Anyone have sex while he was a bear?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I had sex with him when he was a bear once.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was that different or did he have the same.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

It was good. It was in the dumpster.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, great. Okay. Say no more.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

And then, then basically I was working at David's Bridal with my girls. I. In the meantime, I've been dating just guys like on, you know, who pick me up in their big, big, big trucks. I walk along the streets and they come by and they yell things at me like, hey, stupid little bitch. And get in here. And then I climb up their 15 foot tall wheels and I get in there and we fucking ride. Yeah, we go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, the last time I saw you, it was truck week. Right. And that's.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Well, you saw me on the tour also.

[Max Silvestri]

Must have been a busy week.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but truck week only happens once a year.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Truck week is a once a year type of thing. It's basically all of truck enthusiasts, specifically the Ford Rock hard series descend on Montrose, Colorado for one week where we suck and fuck each other in their big, big truck.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, there's nothing funny about sucking and fucking. Let's keep a straight face.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

And I'm always single for truck week. I absolutely have to be single.

[Scott Aukerman]

And Judd Weeby was fine with that?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Well, obviously, like, at that point. We haven't seen Judd in a while, to be honest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

So my last boyfriend was this guy Shark.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, right. Yeah.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

And before that it was Cart. But now I have a new boyfriend.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, congratulations. Who are you with now?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Barf.

[Scott Aukerman]

Barf. Bar F. Barf.

[Max Silvestri]

Barf.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just Barf. Okay. Well, that's great. And he. How long have you been seeing this gentleman?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Like, for like, a month. So it's, like, pretty serious. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty serious.

[Scott Aukerman]

So from. From late October till now.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So Halloween. Is that when you got together? Halloween.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

We got together. I was a water bottle, and he was, how are you a water bottle? I dress up as a water bottle.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was like, that was not you just looking at whatever was in your direct line of vision, was it?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

No, I was a water bottle.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a true story.

[Max Silvestri]

You're probably just spooked by how eerie the coincidence was because, yeah, we have

[Scott Aukerman]

a lot of them right here. I mean, that would be like. If you dress as a wolf man. I walk in here, the there's six wolf men.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. Like, fucking weird, weird mystic stuff happens more around Halloween. It, like, makes sense.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Like, I believe in witches and everything, and this is truly a witches moment. I was a water bottle. I was analgene. So, like, old school water bottle.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Okay. So that's it for that.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then Barf picked you up in the truck.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I. Yeah. And then, of course, like, I left this party because I was like, God, there's like, no guys with tiny, tiny dicks here. So I left and was walking down the street, and then this guy drives by and he's like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, hey.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Hey, you dumb fucking asshole. Who's such a little bitch?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you say anything? Like, turn around when I'm talking to you?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

He was like, look up at me. Smile for me. And I gave him this. I mean, really good smile.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, good.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that's right.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

All my teeth. I showed all my teeth. Bottoms, Mostly bottoms.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mostly. Bottoms. Really?

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. And he didn't. Did he comment at all on the costume that you're wearing? Because I feel like that's such a line.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

He was like, like, don't those things. Like, don't they put plastic in the water when you drink them? And I was like, yeah, I'm old school.

[Max Silvestri]

That's a good pickup line.

[Scott Aukerman]

If I would be more like, hey, let me drink you in. Yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what I mean? But he said, I'd Like a swimming pool. Don't they put plastic in the ocean?

[Max Silvestri]

What?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

He said, don't those water bottles put plastic in your water?

[Max Silvestri]

Huh? I thought the, like, barf truck thing, that this guy was gonna be really, like, you know, fuck the environment, but that he's got such a swine on cpcs or.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

What he's really serious about is water. And he has one of those.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Let's just say he's one of those wall.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Let me just show you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what you wanted to interject.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I hadn't. I hadn't talked in a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

I understand. Go ahead. Say. Say whatever you need to for 60 seconds.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't want that long.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Okay, go on. Sorry.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Oh, my God. It's mine. Like, it's all good. I'm here actually, though, because I wanted to tell you guys, like, obviously, the holidays are coming up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, obviously.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I mean, so exciting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Are you so excited?

[Scott Aukerman]

Christma. Me? Yeah. It's always wonderful having you on the show. I enjoy talking.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Why can't you say that you missed me?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that I have as much as I just enjoy having you on the show and you're a wonderful guest.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Okay, fine. Holidays are coming up.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Christmas is coming. The goose is getting fat.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Exactly.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Please put a penny in the old man's hand.

[Scott Aukerman]

And if. And. And I don't want any of those pennies that you just pulled out of your shoe, by the way. Those are. Yeah, they're not even jangling. They're still so wet. It's just like a sploosh.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

What will you take off for these splooshy panties?

[Max Silvestri]

It's like you've got a handful of boba tea in your hand.

[Scott Aukerman]

Soaked, squishy. But so what. What do you have to do with the holidays? Because nothing that we've talked about previous has anything to do with.

[Max Silvestri]

Well, you have to buy a gift for Bart. That must be a little stressful. That's what I said.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Well, it was just like, in my town, like, we celebrate holidays a little bit differently, and I'm just, like, really excited.

[Scott Aukerman]

The holidays just hit different.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

These hit different.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

When the holidays come around. There's been a vibe shift.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

They hit super fucking different in our town.

[Scott Aukerman]

What happens?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Well, first of all, we have Rock Hard Eve.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. Oh, that's not Christmas Eve. No, this is Rock Hard. This is a separate holiday, only in

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

your town, dedicated fully to the Ford Rock Hard series.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What are they up to? Now, by the way.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

515.

[Max Silvestri]

500.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? So they're not even doing the 50s anymore.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

They're like going in between small numbers now because of just like issues with the supply chain.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

So they'll give like part of a truck. They'll make part of a truck and you can buy that.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it's the 550 but with stuff missing.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah, exactly.

[Max Silvestri]

Sort of like a three wheeler. No hood, you know. But it's cool.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah. Like you're lucky if you get like a mirror or like if you get like a wheel.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, right.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

That's just mostly what they're up to. But you can go on the Facebook message boards for that.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Sure.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

If you really want to like get all that detail.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get all that. Yeah, I don't. I really want just a cursory bit of information about it. So what is Ford Rock eve. Ford Rock eve.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Ford Rock Hard eve.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ford Rock Hard eve. Rock Hard eve.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Every Ford Rock Hard eve. All of the towns, people come together to feast on a pile of roadkill where we eat and we fuck and

[Scott Aukerman]

then I gotta visit this town at some point. Sounds like there's a lot of events where people are just.

[Max Silvestri]

I don't think guys like you and us would do great in this town. Probably not. Yeah.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

We take shots of gasoline. Things get pretty fucking wild. And then at night all the women go home.

[Max Silvestri]

This is during the day.

[Scott Aukerman]

All this fucking shots of gasoline.

[Max Silvestri]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

When I was envisioning it, I presumed

[Max Silvestri]

it was like midnight or something.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

No, midday. We're talking noon.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Midday. Yeah. This sounds like on Love is Blind. When they first meet each other and they go to their little retreat area and everyone's just. And sucking because they're so happy to not be in the pods anymore.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not each other. Although some of them would like to.

[Max Silvestri]

Right? No, they're. I've seen that. They. They suck. There's like the things attached to the wall that are like. For them to get out the energy or whatever. Right. So there's one episode where they're just. Just and sucking these. I mean, they're not. They're not dildos, but they're like.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like rubber wall attachments.

[Max Silvestri]

It's like textures. Yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

And they're like snozberries or they're sucking and these schnozberries.

[Max Silvestri]

But they're so depleted after that, they can kind of then have like real conversations.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

All their juices are out. So they're like their most intellectual. They're going to be and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that what Rock Hard Eve. Is like by. By the nighttime.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

What happens by the nighttime? All of the girls in the town leave their boots on the roof.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I'm into it.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

And the next morning we wake up and you look in your boots. And if the boots are filled with chili, you've been a good girl. And if the boots are filled with soup, you've been a bad girl.

[Max Silvestri]

Whoa.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

And that means.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the distinction between chili and soup? Is it just a thickness?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Here we go. A connoisseur, a true foodie asking hard hitting questions.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, because some soups are thick.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. You can get a thin chili. You can get a thick soup.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

The thin chili is so good.

[Max Silvestri]

Are there like kind of Talmudic scholars that are kind of looking at these questions of rock hard faith of saying like, what defines chili? What defines soup?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is like in the comedy Bang Bang writers room, we were trying to crack a sketch about the world's largest slider or the world's smallest hamburger. Which. Which is it? You know?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Right.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Will you tell us or do we have to watch the show?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have to watch the show?

[Max Silvestri]

No. You could throw us an episode number.

[Scott Aukerman]

We never. It never got in.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, you didn't solve it. Yeah, sure.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

It was. Cut it dress.

[Scott Aukerman]

Our dress rehearsals for that show were legendary.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Ye, the crap crowd loved it.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was after the castle. This went up on the door. So. So a soup which is thin.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bad, bad.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Really thin.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bad girl.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

You've been a bad girl.

[Scott Aukerman]

And chili, which is slightly thicker.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

You've been good girl.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've been good girl. Okay.

[Max Silvestri]

Are your rewards. Is the reward for being a good girl the chili? Chili.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah, yeah. And you get to stay in the

[Scott Aukerman]

town and you're punished. Oh.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

So if you get soup, you are asked to leave.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Not. Well, you're asked to go on. On 40 days and 40 nights trip of rock hard.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's about three months.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Like Jesus.

[Max Silvestri]

I think they probably 40 days the day and the night ends up adding it to one Moses. I don't think it's 40 days then. 40 nights.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you. Oh, so you think it's just 40 days?

[Max Silvestri]

It might be. Yeah. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it's a little more than a month.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

It's not 80 days.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I know. I was like, it's a month and a half. What are you talking about?

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought they were allowed to come home during the day after the 40 days were.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

This isn't a great British bake Off. Okay. This is like you are stuck there. You're stuck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Should more reality shows let the Contestants go home at the end of the day.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I mean, I think it makes them a little bit healthier, you know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, love is one. Would it be better if they were like, okay, you've been in the pods all day. Go home for a while, meet some real people. If you like any of them, we can actually.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

With real life.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

That's what they do in the second round.

[Scott Aukerman]

In the second round. But by then they're hypnotized into thinking

[Max Silvestri]

they like these people.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Like them.

[Max Silvestri]

Love them.

[Scott Aukerman]

They've proposed. Your real love is blind connoisseur.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, I'm going through.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

We love it.

[Max Silvestri]

What do you like better feet or Love is blind.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

That's a toss up. JK feet. Yeah. Anyway, so do they stick their feet. Back to your story. Do they stick their feet in the boots with the soup and the chili?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah, you have to.

[Jake Grez (Nurse Jake)]

Oh, that's.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I forgot to mention, you're wearing a blindfold. So when you put your feet into the boots, you have to guess, did I get chilly or did I get soup?

[Scott Aukerman]

And how's. What's the punishment if you get it wrong?

[Max Silvestri]

So it feels like your punishment's already decided by what's in the boot? What a reward.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Because it seems like immaterial to what's going to happen. Been a good girl or a bad girl based on.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like the level. Oh, it's fun.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, sure.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I'd say it's levels to this shit.

[Max Silvestri]

Yep. Thank you.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yes. Yeah.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Anyway, if you've been a bad girl, you get sent to the desert for

[Scott Aukerman]

40 days,

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

and that's where you have to survive all by yourself, no one else around you with nothing but a truck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, well, that sounds pretty easy.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. And two boots full of soup.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel like you can do me.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

You don't get to bring the boots. You guys, this is actually really hard. I can't believe this is your reaction. It's very hard.

[Scott Aukerman]

How much gas is in the tank?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Well, how much have you drank?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a good point.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah. You'll be.

[Scott Aukerman]

Didn't think about that.

[Max Silvestri]

You'll be puking and shitting out gas for at least a week after Lockhart

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

eats, if you're lucky. Yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

So it's really 33 days and 33 nights after you finish diarrhea eating.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

You don't count days where you diarrhea. Those are just.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

No, no diarrhea dates. You're out of commission. Those aren't real days. Honestly. Today's a diarrhea day for me, so I'm Basically not even here right now.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

You're 365. How many day, how many diarrhea days do you have? Give me a number.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I think I'm like 300.

[Scott Aukerman]

300 a year?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Diarrhea days.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Do you have coffee in the morning,

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

coffee in the evening, coffee at supper time when coffee. I can put coffee on a bagel and I'll have diarrhea any.

[Scott Aukerman]

So why do people drink coffee if it just gives everyone diarrhea?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Because what are you even doing if you don't drink coffee? Don't you want to live your life?

[Scott Aukerman]

You ever see though, like in a Starbucks, Especially here in Hollywood, like all these people dress. All these women dressed up and you just imagine they're getting these giant frappuccinos. You just imagine them.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

What the is wrong with you?

[Max Silvestri]

I mean, isn't that the, the point? I mean, how, how are you supposed to leave the house if you don't blow it out in a rush? People are just walking around with all of it in.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

So sexist of you to just like blame Starbucks on a woman.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I want to see Scott's morning pages. It's probably like. And then I pictured a woman having diarrhea. What goes in must come out, et cetera.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's why I think it's weird to go on a. On a first date, to go to a restaurant. It's like you're just. You know what I mean? It's like you're just feeding the beast for your George.

[Max Silvestri]

Carly,

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

you know what? Liz in to eat?

[Max Silvestri]

No.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

What would you prefer to do? What's your ideal?

[Scott Aukerman]

Pick them up at noon. They don't eat the rest of the day.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Do you want them starved?

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah, I want them up early, getting out, what they need to get out awake. I want them sharp. I'm not saying I want, but I

[Scott Aukerman]

want them tired by 7:30.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

We're usually talking the first four hours of the day is all diarrhea if you really think about it. Because if you have one cup of coffee that's going to, I mean. Yeah, that's gonna put you in the bathroom for most of the day.

[Scott Aukerman]

So have you been a good girl every year or no?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

No, I've been bad.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many years?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I've been bad for like four years.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa. Four years running at this point?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah. Four years running.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh no. What do you think?

[Max Silvestri]

That's like four day years and four day nights.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Max Silvestri]

Four year nights.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Thank you. Such good math.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you think you've done to turn you into such a bad Guy.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I mean, I've been bad because, like, I talked back.

[Scott Aukerman]

To whom?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

To a guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. So it's the men of the town.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah, the men of the town. That wasn't clear.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought there was a mythical creature, like a. Well, it's supposed to be like Henry Ford. The ghost of Henry Ford.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Well, no, it's the ghost of Gerald Ford.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, interesting.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah. And he fills your boots. But really it is the townsman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, got it.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah. Like the council.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it's select group.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

It's town council. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so it's not voted over on.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Democratically.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

No, no, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's just a select group of people. Appointed.

[Max Silvestri]

That's problematic that they have that power over you throughout the year to sort of say, hey, if you don't do this, things might look bad in your boots or whatever. Because that feels that put you in a position where you had to do things to get the chili. It's like. And the guys would say, don't you want the chili?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah, I mean, I get it, but like, I just like, again, like, I've lived in the community for so long. I just support like all the men with their big rock hard trucks and their small, small, tiny dicks and like, that is just like, I'll do anything for them. So if they tell me like I'm doing something wrong, like whatever you're willing to change. Yeah. Like I will go out there and I will go to the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and I will shit my brains out and I will like. I mean, I get really creative out there.

[Scott Aukerman]

In what way? What do you mean? Creative with what?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Like building a roof over my head.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. So shelter. So I would imagine you have to forage for food and you have to build shelter. Although I guess you have the truck

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

for shelter, but you can't sleep in the truck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you're not allowed to sleep in the truck.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

All you have to do.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is the truck for? Why are you bringing it?

[Max Silvestri]

To get to the desert.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

That's part of the tradition. Your boyfriend sends you and his truck out into the desert to survive. It's not your truck. You have whatever contents he's left in the truck. So last year I got left just like some leftover McDonald's.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the way, there is no McDonald's on the table here. So this is stuff that actually happened.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I got left some Kleenexes, some trash can, a little sign that said this area is regularly disinfected, pen, some tape.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Did he leave you any? Sure. Podcast microphones.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yes. Yeah. To create my own podcast. A blazer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. Well, that's. I mean, this is a terrible story. Max. I don't. I don't know how you feel about this.

[Max Silvestri]

I mean, I, I, I just. I have a lot of thoughts, but I feel like I'm an outsider judging a community I don't live in. And what might be weird to me is normal to you, but not to

[Scott Aukerman]

give him a boner. But we. I've never walked in your shoes.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hashtag feet.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I might pass out. All the blood is rushing to my groin. But what about this Gerald Ford? How come you know, Gerald ford is a 38th president of the United States? His ghost just doesn't go anywhere. Usually it's in the swamp. Washington, D.C. so what is it doing in Montreal?

[Scott Aukerman]

You think that's the swamp? I mean, it's an interesting take on politics.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

University of Florida and Washington, D.C. is the swamp.

[Scott Aukerman]

The two swamps?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you gonna do, Obama?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Well, I mean, Gerald is actually the creator of the Ford Rock Hard series. Most people think it was like, Henry Ford and, like, Ford or whatever, but actually, Gerald Ford took a break from being president.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

To create the Ford Rock Hard truck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that why Carter got elect? I had always presumed that it was because people liked him more than Ford and people were tired of the Nixon regime and all that, but it was because he wanted to design the Ford Rock Hard series.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yep. And he wanted the wheels as tall as himself. He said that was his one. That was the quote.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Max Silvestri]

Huh? People do sometimes. I mean, I feel like he has this kind of cartoon reputation as being maybe a dimmer present, but.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Clumsy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Clumsy.

[Max Silvestri]

Exactly. But to find out, maybe he was just distracted because he was working on a pretty giant feat of product engineering and. Yeah. Launching this big thing that's absolutely a feat of engineering.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, all right, all right.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Hashtag feet, if you will.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Feat.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I ate the feet.

[Max Silvestri]

I ate the feet like the Taco Bell.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

My fourth meal is absolutely a foot. You know, and I'm not. I'm not eating it, I'm not swallowing, but I'm definitely putting it in my mouth.

[Max Silvestri]

I say I'm a foot long, but penny foolish. Does that make sense? It doesn't.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

It was close. It was close.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

All I heard was foot.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

So you're on Penny Saved as a penny foot.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had me at that. Speaking of pennies, anyone want to take anything?

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, my gosh.

[Scott Aukerman]

They just evaporate. You put them on the table, and it just is A puddle like cereal

[Max Silvestri]

that's left in the bowl for a week or whatever. Just Cheerios.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are you solving your Cheerios in the bowl for a week?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Which chess piece would you say you are in the relationship? Are you. Are you a rook? Are you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you a castle pawn?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Are you a bishop? Hello.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you. What do you mean when you say

[Max Silvestri]

that just now that I have a little experience in scripted podcasting. It can. It can help to have a narrator or yourself. Redo the line, but say the thing you're doing, you know, to describe it for the people. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did you just do when you said hello?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, I give my hand came out with a little flourish.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, it didn't come out with a little flourish. It came out with a little down at the wrist.

[Max Silvestri]

It did.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

No, no, what I was doing was what bishops do at Mass when they. They go down to grab a little communion wafer and they place it on your tongue in private while they're saying, trust me, I'm a urologist. I want to see your most trusted thing. We're all on the same page.

[Scott Aukerman]

So how do you think this year you're gonna be a good girl, or.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I think this year I have been a good girl.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? So you haven't talked back?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I haven't talked back. I'm not too old. That's another one.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you were too old before?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Once you turn 30. No, this is just, like, one of the realest girls. Once you turn 30, you for sure are bad and you will be going to the desert.

[Scott Aukerman]

How old are you?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I'm young.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I mean, you see me.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

No, I'm young.

[Max Silvestri]

Is there, like, a job that they give older women in town to at least, like, help keep, like, windows clean or, like, the lamps lit? Something like that? Something useful, like repurposing?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I mean, if they survive the 40 days and 40 nights, then they can be brought back as an elder.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Oh, they're just one of the older women in the town who, you know, like, maybe owns the bridal shop. Like Merg. You remember Merg?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I remember Merg.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like those other jobs that are just like manager jobs where they're.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're there to help the young women.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah, the young women, they. They corral the women.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, that's great.

[Max Silvestri]

Sexless herders, kind of.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Yeah, exactly. You would love it there, Scott. You would fit right in.

[Scott Aukerman]

I really do.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

The way that you talk to me when I'm here, your whole energy towards me, the way you wanted to See my feet immediately.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Amen. Scott's a Montrose man.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

You're a Montrose guy?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think I might be.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I have a poster up in my office speaking of older women, that says, the older the foot, the sweeter the juice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Max Silvestri]

Is this the office that the patients can see, or is this sort of a private back office?

[Scott Aukerman]

You patients enjoy this.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

This is my back office.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, you're back. Sure.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Oh, nice back office.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, my front office is just very. It's just my. My speak and spell machine that I've rigged my text to talk.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think if I ever saw that. But I don't know that I would ever. I don't know that I'm coming back now.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Well, then I'll come to you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Max Silvestri]

Actually sounds great. As I'm looking to get specialists to find some people that come to my house. That'd be incredible.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not bad. Well, I wish you luck, Kayla. I mean, this is a great time of year, and I hope that you come out of this on the other end with some chili in your boots.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think I've ever said that before.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Wow. Well, I missed you.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's great to have you on. And many hamburgers to you as well.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Much chili to you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I appreciate that. May you have chili in your boots.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

May you find chili, but also a little soup.

[Scott Aukerman]

What does that mean if you have mostly chili, but a little soup?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Even a little bad? Oh, always good to be a little bad.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

And I hope you end the day with a foot in your mouth.

[Max Silvestri]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, we're running out of time. We only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called plug. I can hear your plug Steam.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Coming through my phone. Beautiful. Can I stream your TV show on all platforms? What's your Twitter handle? Can I get those deeds? Want to see where you up playing in the city next week? You give me plugs, Plugs, Plugs, Plugs. Crazy Plugs. You give me plugs, plugs, plugs, Plugs. Crazy Plug. Wow. That was Crazy Plugs by Adam Schilling, which I believe is a parody of the Van Morrison song Crazy Love. Is that right? Yes.

[Max Silvestri]

Feels more like an homage. It's beautiful.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought it was a parody.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, okay.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

You didn't think it was beautiful.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought it was a very funny parody.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I didn't see you laughing. I saw you crying during that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you to Adam. Guys, what do we want to plug? Obviously, Max, we have past my Bedtime, please. I'm going to stop there and let you take over.

[Max Silvestri]

I would love it if people would check in. Out Past my Bedtime on Audible, written by me and Leah Beckman. Also, I'm on social media as Max Silvestri, but I give almost no content to that, so don't follow me. Unfollow me if you do. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And what's Leah up to other than past my bedtime?

[Max Silvestri]

She wrote on the new Pitch Perfect spinoff bumper in Berlin that premieres in this week or next on Peacock.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that looks good.

[Max Silvestri]

Check that out. All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

With a friend of the show. Adam Devine.

[Max Silvestri]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, fantastic. Dr. Footman, what do you want to plug?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I'll plug the first two seasons of Righteous Gemstones.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just the first two. You think the third's gonna be bad?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

No, it just hasn't come out yet, and it won't be out by the time this podcast comes out. I mean, look for it. I.

[Scott Aukerman]

But people are listening to this in the future when the third season is probably gonna be out, and you don't want people to watch it then. Right.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

So let's say you have a friend of a friend and you're discovering the podcast. You start from the beginning, so maybe Sometimes sometime in 2027, you're listening to this episode. Yeah. Stream all the seasons of all of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Not just the first two.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

No, no, no, no, no. All the seasons.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

And so also stream. Hey, Randy on the CBB World Patreon. Give me Randy Snots. Give me his scandalous, devious girlfriend, Carissa.

[Scott Aukerman]

Also his best friend Stu and Amber. You can't forget them.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me all those. Perfection. Especially the live show. We loved it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want to do more of those?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

What's that?

[Scott Aukerman]

You want to listen to more of those?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Threatening.

[Max Silvestri]

It's not a threat.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. No, I'm genuine. Never mind. Oh, yes. You want to listen to more of that? Would they. Would it be fun for them to do more shows, I wonder? That's hypothetical.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I've had a lot of people ask me about that and say DMs that say something like, you know, show me your body more. Hey, Randy. Live.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're getting these?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Interesting.

[Max Silvestri]

Well, I'm afraid because they know you're his doctor.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Well, I'm subscribed to the Patreon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. So. Oh, I didn't realize that was a feature. When you're at CBB World, you can just send random DMs to everyone.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

It's going down in those DMs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Max Silvestri]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, fantastic. Kayla, what do you want to plug?

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Okay, well, I would love to plug all the Ford Rock Hard trucks I would like to plug.

[Scott Aukerman]

Even just the 100 model.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Even the 100. I would give it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? I don't know. It's so cool.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

I would give it up, literally, for ford Rock Hard 150. I would like to plug the movie Spirited coming out. There's a really good little girl in it. However, a brief amount of time. Stunning feet. The horniest feet you can think of. And then this CBB Presents podcast. This book changed my life. The Stitcher podcast. Going deep. And also the very easy social media handle. A L Y I L Y.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Scott, I forgot. I should plug one more thing. Sure. Obviously, the website WikiFeet, inspired by Julian Assange,

[Max Silvestri]

information should be free, et cetera. Yeah.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

And speaking of Peacock Bumper in Berlin, starring Adam Devine, also shrink on Peacock.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's right.

[Max Silvestri]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

People can see shrink now, which it just got put up in the last couple of months, so that's wonderful.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, let's close up the old plug bag. Take one hand, put it up, Take the other, put it down. You're gonna make a box. It's time to start to close it. But don't close it too much or you open up the plug bag. We're opening up that blood bag. And when you open up that blood bag, you open up your heart for

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

the rest of the world.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm talking open up the blood bag.

[Max Silvestri]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was Don't Fear the Plug Bag by Duncan Meek. I also call that quit while you're ahead. Guys, I want to thank you so much. Max, always great to see. Please promise you'll come back in approximately 12 months or so. We can talk about this set again that you did. Kayla, wonderful to have you.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

So good to have you here as well. Miss you.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's wonderful to have you on the show. And Dr. Footman, what else can we say? Hashtag feet.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Absolutely. We have to say that. I'll see you soon, either in my office or at your house.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay? You come to me now. If I'm going to keep coming to and keeping you on as my doctor, I want you to come to me. And that's the only way, I promise

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I'll say nicer things about your feet.

[Max Silvestri]

Okay?

[Scott Aukerman]

You will. That's really all I'm looking for because there's. I mean, they're gross, but I mean, there's nothing wrong with them. I just Go in there for compliments.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

I didn't know that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Will you give them to me?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Thank you.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

What a beautiful little possum. I love how it squeaks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have any more money in there before we go?

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Yeah, here we go. Let me take off my socks. Here's a few twenties. Oh, my God, there's a five. Here's some nickels.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Kayla Dickey (Lily Sullivan)]

Scott's literally. His pants.

[Scott Aukerman]

My pants. Looking at all this money.

[Max Silvestri]

He loves it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Harry Footman (Tim Baltz)]

Well, let's make sure he did take off those pants.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, we'll do. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.

[Max Silvestri]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go

[Scott Aukerman]

to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show. Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date? Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Max Silvestri]

Anyways, get a quote at Liberty Mutual or with your local agent.

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