Bonus Bang: Goose Tycoon (Jon Gabrus, Ego Nwodim, Carl Tart, Drew Tarver)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: "Goose Tycoon" (Bonus Bang)

Original Airdate: April 8, 2020 (Re-released: Nov 13, 2025)
Host: Scott Aukerman
Guests/Characters: Jon Gabrus (as Gino Lombardo), Ego Nwodim (as Entre P. Neur), Carl Tart (as O.J. Simpson), Drew Tarver (as Roger Peculiar)

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Episode Overview

In this "Bonus Bang" episode of Comedy Bang Bang, host Scott Aukerman gathers a rogues' gallery of beloved characters for a wild, quarantine-era roundtable. The show is a comedic free-for-all featuring:

• Gino Lombardo (Gabrus), a disheveled intern locked in a pizzeria basement,
• Entre P. Neur (Nwodim), an overly confident but clueless inventor,
• O.J. Simpson (Tart), the ever-disingenuous football legend, and
• Roger Peculiar (Tarver), a southern-accented documentary star of "Goose Tycoon" desperate for a Tiger King-level hit.

Set during the early days of the pandemic, the episode explores absurd life updates, ludicrous business ideas, and parodic pop culture takes, all in signature CBB style.

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Key Discussion Points and Memorable Segments

1. Checking In: Quarantine Life (03:16 – 15:22)

• Gino Lombardo details being quarantined in the basement of Mama Gina’s Pizzeria on Long Island, surviving on gabagool and his mother's breast milk.

  • "I've molded some dough into assorted relatives. We had Christmas here, which was really nice." (07:43)
  • Absurd tech setup: powering his Zoom with copper wires stuck in gabagool and salami.
  • Comedic riffing on losing track of time, drinking breast milk (“back to the straight tap”) and being kidnapped by a pizzeria patron obsessed with “fat guys.”

• Gino provides quarantine survival tips, including how he orders water for Scott:

  • "I just ordered on postmates from 10 different delivery drivers, one bottle of water each..." (14:44)

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2. Entre P. Neur’s "Inventions" & Loss of Faith (15:23 – 27:29)

• Entre P. Neur enters with her characteristic bizarre business schemes, riffing on rectangles and gathering spaces.

  • Claims the pandemic has shaken her faith, yet she’s "not scared" and is "ass up, ass up, face down, not getting fucked one bit." (16:24)

• Pushes concepts that are thin parodies of churches, DVD-ROM players, and invents “soap”:

  • "It's kind of a cylindrical...container...you pump it into your hand, add water...suds form—the virus will not be able to stand." (24:55)

• Scott tries to explain she's reinventing existing products, sparking surreal banter about hand-washing and business investment.

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3. Enter O.J. Simpson: Sporting and Social Quandaries (33:04 – 45:34)

• Carl Tart as O.J. brings cringey, deadpan humor about his football legacy, SNL hosting, and penchant for bad ideas:
  • "I hosted Saturday Night Live in 1978 and I did a whole speech about Orientals." (34:44) — (Scott: "I don’t remember that.")
• O.J. offers pandemic tips (stockpiling toilet paper and masks), reminisces about amorous pizza benders at Mama Gina’s, and even discusses prison riot gear with Gino:
  • "During a riot, you gotta wrap phone books around your stomach...who would want to be stabbed? I mean, that seems like a horrible thing to go through." (43:48)

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4. Culture Clash and Atlanta Deep Dives (48:36 – 51:12)

• Entre P. Neur and O.J. digress into Atlanta geography and the Coca-Cola Museum.
  • O.J.’s story about foreign sodas is repeatedly derailed, causing frustration:
    • Entre P.: "Now, what does this have to do with..." (50:01)
    • O.J. takes ages to tie his story to Atlanta’s east/west divide and never really makes the connection.

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5. Roger Peculiar and “Goose Tycoon” (51:12 – 68:41)

• Drew Tarver’s Roger Peculiar introduces himself as the star of a self-made documentary series "Goose Tycoon," meant to ride the coattails of Tiger King.

  • His show, focused on old geese at a petting zoo, is hilariously bland compared to Tiger King.
  • Pitches the documentary to iPhone Wallet, Redfin TV, and CISO 2:
    • "My final pitch was to the iPhone app Wallet." (55:04)
  • Reveals nemesis Angela Dumpson (“my Carol Baskin”), petty goose feuds, and damage done by geese at Toby Keith’s bar.

• Roger demonstrates his musical “side-career”:

  • Song Sampler:
    • "Hey now, you’re a Goose man, get your game on, go play..." (66:46)
    • "Mom Goose bit my finger, get your game on, go play..."
    • "Beaks are just hard mouth...All that glitters is gold, only shooting stars break the mo..."
  • The songs descend into increasingly lazy All-Star parodies.

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6. Wild Tangents, Insults, and Signature Banter

• Gino’s off-color tangents about auto-erotic asphyxiation, mouse mating habits, and “bagel boss” are frequent and outrageous.
  • "A guy wrapped his dick in flour and by the end he made a full-on bagel in my ass." (42:19)
• Massive riffing about “the circle of life,” generic business pitches, and pop culture references (CISO, Peacock, Tiger King, etc.).
• O.J. makes tone-deaf comments about murder conspiracies in Tiger King:
  • "I think Joe Exotic got so upset because Carol Baskin was clearly cheating on him...and I think he stabbed her right on up." (60:08)

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7. The Final Plug Bag (69:04 – 77:31)

Cast breaks character to plug real projects:

• Gabrus: Promotes his podcasts (High & Mighty, Action Boys).
• Tart: Plugs The Flagrant Ones.
• Nwodim & Tarver: Plug hygiene, hand-washing, and the shows Teacher’s Lounge, The Other Two.
• Surrealist banter about coming to Scott’s house to do live improv, a running thread about being available after September, and various fictional/fake endeavors.

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Gino Lombardo:

  • “I've molded some dough into assorted relatives. We had Christmas here, which was really nice.” (07:43)
  • “I'm running off...two little copper wires into a foot and a half slice of gabagool...That's powering a little surge protector...” (06:00)

• Entre P. Neur:

  • “Ass up, ass up, face down, not getting fucked one bit.” (16:24)
  • “It's a rectangle...inside are other rectangles...and at the front, a rectangle kind of on its square side.” (20:11)
  • “I have invented [a cure]. It’s a cylindrical container...you add water, suds form, the virus cannot stand.” (24:55)

• O.J. Simpson:

  • “During a riot, you gotta wrap phone books around your stomach...who would want to be stabbed?” (43:48)
  • “I'm just saying, take care.” (frequent catchphrase)

• Roger Peculiar:

  • “Unlike tigers, which are more valuable when they're younger, geese are better when they're old...I'm always on the lookout for old ass geese.” (57:30)
  • “My final pitch was to the iPhone app Wallet.” (55:04)
  • “Hey now, you're a Goose man, get your game on, go play.” (66:46)

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Standout Moments (with Timestamps)

• Gino’s entire lurid backstory about being kidnapped and forced into pizzeria basement quarantine: (05:12 – 14:44)
• Entre’s explanation of her “rectangle” business, accidentally reinventing church: (20:07 – 21:37)
• O.J. reminiscing (with surprising candor) about making out with “Mama Gina” covered in red sauce and flour: (41:08 – 42:31)
• Roger's pitiful “Goose Tycoon” Netflix/CBS All Access pitches and parody songs: (53:04 – 67:22)
• Final song parade of “Goose Man” and its 3 versions, all set to "All Star": (66:43 – 67:22)

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Additional Recurring Bits and Running Jokes

• Gino repeatedly not recording, misunderstanding technical basics, and referencing feeding/breast milk/gabagool as power sources.
• Entre P. Neur’s insistence on “inventing” already-existing things (soap, church, bulletproof vests), always geometrically described.
• O.J. deploying “I’m just saying, take care,” to sidestep uncomfortable territory—such as murder theories or personal responsibility.
• Roger's “real person, not a parody” protestations, and extending the Tiger King bit into absurd new territory with goose-based drama.

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Section Timestamps (for Quick Reference)

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|-------------------| | Gino's Quarantine Life/Intro | 03:16 – 15:22 | | Entre P. Neur - Faith & Inventions | 15:23 – 27:29 | | O.J. Simpson Arrives | 33:04 – 45:34 | | Atlanta/Cultural Tangents | 48:36 – 51:12 | | Roger Peculiar "Goose Tycoon" Segment | 51:12 – 68:41 | | Final Song/Goose Tycoon Plug Bag | 66:43 – 77:31 |

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Summary

This episode is Comedy Bang Bang at its most surreal and character-driven, gleefully satirizing pop culture (especially the Tiger King doc craze), quarantine life, and the American obsession with oddball entrepreneurship. The improvisational chemistry between cast members keeps the energy frantic, the jokes flying, and every segment feeling like it could go off the rails at any moment. For long-time fans, it's a treasure trove of running gags; for newcomers, it's a wild, hilarious ride through the bizarro world of CBB.

Essential if you want to hear:

• Faux-deranged quarantine strategies
• Satirical sendups of business and pop culture trends
• Characters riffing on everything from “hand washing with suds” to geese-based Netflix pitches
• Farcical musical moments and callback-heavy improv

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Notable Sign-off:
O.J.: “Scott, I just want to say you’re a gem and a scholar… joined at the hip. Scott Aukerman, O.J. Simpson—the bond can never be broken.” (77:31)

Scott: “I would love Comedy Bang Bang to always be associated with you, O.J.” (77:44)

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For maximal enjoyment: Listen for the wild tangents, failed pitches, and offhand one-liners. And remember: “I’m just saying. Take care.”

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

And Doug here we have the Limu.

[A]

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[C]

They see us.

[D]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[A]

Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Fairy underwritten by.

[D]

Liberty Mutual Insurance company and affiliates excludes Massachusetts.

[A]

Hey everyone. Scott Aukerman here and welcome to another bonus bang where we re release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. And this week we're very excited. We are continuing our series that we're calling a Buffet of Entrees. And it of course features one of our favorite characters, the self starting inventor Entre P? Neure. And that's of course played by Ego Wodom from snl. One of her favorite characters to do this episode is called Goose Tycoon and it was originally released as Comedy bang bang episode 649 on 04-08-2020. Now we are about a month deep into the pandemic at this point, so keep that in mind. We also have John Gabris playing Gino Lombardo who stops by to share his quarantine tips and techniques. We have Carl Tart as O.J. simpson. Of course we have Ego Wodom as Andre Pigneur. And finally we have Drew Tarver as documentarian Roger Peculiar. Now if you enjoy this and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, become a [e-mail] we have all of the past episodes from the archives. Every live show we've ever done ad free new episodes and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott hasn't seen. It's wonderful over there. And if you're a big Andre P. Noir fan, you can order the entre P Noir action [e-mail] as well as other great Comedy Bang Bang action figures like Italiana Jones, Carissa, Randy Snuts. There's one of me that you may want to order. You can also go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But until then, enjoy this bonus Bang Bang.

[C]

Come.

[A]

You say tomato. I say get away from me, Mr. Tomato Man. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Ah, yes. Thank you to Big Butt Featherbottom for that wonderful catchphrase submission. Big Butt Featherbottom. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition, week 47 of quarantine.

[D]

All right, this sounds great. Let's just run it back and get it. Lay it down right this time.

[A]

Okay, Run it back again. We have to lay it. Lay it down again. What do you mean, get what right?

[D]

Yeah, no, that sound check went perfectly. Let's just roll right into the show. Right?

[A]

It's not a sound check. How can you be doing this from your home state of New York in Long island and still not get it right?

[D]

Well, it's a little different. I don't have. I don't have all my gear here with me, because I'm not. I got corn.

[A]

You don't have it here? Wait, wait, wait, wait. You don't have it where you live, then where is it ever? I mean. Okay, you're not.

[D]

It's at my house. It's normally at my house or Earwolf Studios, depending. If I could fool the group of, like, little people that you have that are engineers there. I sneak past them, grab a couple of kits or whatever.

[A]

Why are they all so short? I don't understand.

[D]

I don't know. It's confusing. It's kind of creepy. But I like it. It gives who, whoever owns that place, a little Willy Wonka vibe.

[A]

Welcome to the show, by the way. Scott Aukerman here, and I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. Coming up a little later. This is exciting. We have a former athlete, no longer an athlete, perhaps too old for it, although we'll be talking to them about that. We have the subject of a recent documentary that's very exciting, and we have an idea person and inventories, so. Right.

[D]

That does sound exciting. It doesn't. It sounds super specific, and I'm super pumped to listen to the rest of this episode.

[A]

You know, you're just supposed to be doing. By the way, this is my intern, Geno. He does the sound. And during quarantine, we've had to do it remotely.

[D]

Oh, this is fucking wild. And I got none of my gear here. I'm fucking running off.

[A]

Where are you quarantined?

[D]

I'm in the basement of Mama Gina's Pizzeria. I've been here since I got. I got quarantined here on December 3rd.

[A]

Wait a minute. That was still three months out. What do you mean you got caught? You got locked in the basement?

[D]

I don't know, some guy was like, you understand? Shit's coming for us. And I said, what are you talking about? He's like, please, just get in the basement. Like, so I didn't know if it was a terrorist thing because I've been told terrorists are ready to attack NASA.

[A]

Was he just trying to direct you? Was he just trying to direct you to the bathroom that was in the basement? Shit's coming.

[D]

I wish. Oh, I wish, I wish. But instead he just directed me to this big hole that he dug, like in the middle of his basement floor. It's like a whale or something. And all that's down there is like jars of San Marzano fucking tomatoes. Gaba ghoul superset mozzarella, some fucking, what's it called? Burrata, you know, the gooey. It's what's called, you know, it's the fucking. It's the slimy or mozzarella is what we call it on the island, but apparently I don't think we need to.

[A]

Know every single ingredient of that they serve there. Where is it, Mama? Who?

[D]

It's Mama. It's Mama. Gina's Pizzeria on Jerusalem Avenue in Belmont.

[A]

That's so close to your own name. Do you ever get tricked into thinking that it's your mom's house?

[D]

Well, that's why I' here to get my. My mom usually does a pump and dump for me of breast milk and I pick it up on Thursdays. So on Thursday, December, just for you.

[A]

Wait, how long have you been drinking your mother's breast milk uninterrupted? I'm.

[D]

I'm back on it. I'm back on it. Cause I'm trying. I'm so skinny. I'm trying to gain weight. So I started. I went back to the. Straight to the tap, as they say. Sure, I actually. And I stopped drinking from the tap after being thrown out of Adventureland for breastfeeding as a 22 year old man.

[A]

So what have you been doing in the basement the whole time?

[D]

I've been trying to figure out how to record audio, how to get the zoom popping. All this stuff I'm running. I got two little copper wires into a foot and a half slice of Gaba ghoul. And that's power. That's powering a little surge protector I got going over here. Where I plugged in my laptop and then a few other things that I'm using to record this episode. So, hey, leave me alone in Reddit if I get this wrong or if I say something racist.

[A]

I don't think that gives you an excuse for the latter, but the former.

[D]

Saying, in case the audio sounds bad or I say something that could be misconstrued as misogynistic, I just want to say, give me a break. Okay, yeah, quarantine, certainly. I've been down here since December, for fuck's sake.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, do you miss your family? What's been going on?

[D]

Well, my new family, which is just. I've molded some dough into assorted relatives. We had Christmas here, which was really nice. My uncle actually got me a hockey net, and so I've been training as a hockey goalie again, which has been fun.

[A]

That is some impressive lattice work. You're on zoom right now. I'm taking a look at it, and that is incredible to do from raw dough.

[D]

Yeah, you can see. You can see me late because all I had to light down here was a couple of, like, old Tesla coils that I've got charging off old dry salami. So let me know you can see the lighting.

[A]

Okay, I can definitely see. Yeah. I can see the shadowy outlines of your face. Definitely.

[D]

Perfect.

[A]

You're looking incredibly gaunt.

[D]

Oh, yeah, that's. It's fucking crazy down here. Even with all this food, it just goes right through me. Luckily, there's like, a little drain in the bottom of this fucking well, or else I'd be knee deep in fucking fecal matter. And goddamn gluten crushes me these days.

[A]

So if your mom is still delivering the breast milk, why don't you just leave with her at some point?

[D]

Oh, see? Oh, all right, here we go. Fucking on the case. Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes, here to protect us all.

[A]

More of a Holmes and Watson type of thing from Will Ferrell.

[D]

Oh, I love that film. Here's the thing about me, Scotty. My mom is dropped, but she is so light these days, I can't hear her come in. So I'm making noise as frequently because I have no idea what day or time it is. Thank God you sent me a zoom link and I was able to run my apple watch off some Gaba ghoul that someone left underneath the doormat. Did I say gabagool already? Let's make this one superso.

[A]

Would it surprise you to learn that it's April?

[D]

It's April. Yeah, 2015.

[A]

No, 2020. We didn't go back in time. Did you think that everyone quarantined and suddenly you got. We went backwards.

[D]

Kidding me? You got to be fucking kidding me. Oh, no, don't tell me. John Kerry won, right?

[A]

You're. You're stuck at a time hole. You're going backwards and backwards.

[D]

Oh, yeah, well, I, I've. This guy who. The guy who kidnapped me and put me down here, he says he's been trying to keep my time hole clogged the whole time I've been here.

[A]

Wait, someone kidnapped you? Wait a minute. I don't know.

[D]

The guy who tucks his dick between his legs and wears like a short silk robe and feeds me mozzarella sticks in a basket down at the bottom of my well here.

[A]

Okay. This is a very different situation than what I thought was going on. I thought he just like invited you into the basement, but I guess he did. But he's, he's keeping you down there.

[D]

Yeah, he did it first. And he was so pissed that I was skinny because he was. Because I guess he wants like big fatties or whatever.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Why did you think that you. Why did he think that you were fat? You know, when he lured you down.

[D]

I guess he said I have a fat voice. A lot of people tell me I have a fat voice. A lot of listeners, I do have to say Gino Lombardo doesn't actually sound skinny.

[A]

Your body does not exactly match up with your voice. I do have to agree with that.

[D]

Yeah, there's some. I don't know. My voice is genetically fat. I don't get it. It's been killing me my whole. Because being fat is like the worst thing that you can be.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Of course, we.

[D]

So it's one of the most disgusting traits a person can have is being overweight.

[A]

So. But he's still allowing your mom to deliver this breast milk.

[D]

Yeah, well, because he can't get enough of this shit either. All right.

[A]

You know, so he, he's, he's, he's.

[D]

Apparently giving out slices with. It's called if you know how to order extra cheese. It's made with my mother's breast, my birth mother's breast milk. Yeah, this hard to get a 70 year old woman to lactating again.

[A]

How hard is it to get a 70 year old woman lactating again?

[D]

You got to get her pregnant. How hard that is to get a 70 year old woman pregnant?

[A]

How hard is it? It's.

[D]

Well, to me it was semi soft most of the time, but it worked.

[A]

So she had you when she was 50?

[D]

Yes, she had. My mom had me when she was 50. She's now 7, like 70 something. And she's been breastfeeding me now that I'm 20 something again.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

So I had to help my D stay erect while he fought. Well, my stepdad, my dad obviously is dead, but this stepdad who is. I was raised as my dad, he. I had to keep him hard, you know, just like cinch in the base of his shaft and stuff.

[A]

Okay, so this is. You're physically doing it and not just whispering things into his ear?

[D]

Well, he, you know, he starts getting, you know, once you get the thing around the shaft, you're like, hey, I could use a couple more things. You know, it's like when you don't have an assistant, then all of a sudden you do, and also they're doing all this shit for you. So next thing you know, I'm choking my stepdad a little. You're just using his asshol. Yeah. So now I'm like, I'm doing like all this shit while he fucking pumps away trying to impregnate my mom so we can get her breast milk to get my body weight up. That's all I'm saying.

[A]

Well, Gino, I'm glad you're doing okay. I. To be honest, you've been doing a great job with the audio here, I mean.

[D]

Oh, thank you. Yeah, it's. You can hear a fucking mouse jerk off down here. It's so cool.

[A]

Is that happening? Really?

[D]

Yeah, I guess that's the noise I'm hearing. I can't hear him jerk off, but I can hear him come.

[A]

Oh, okay. All right.

[D]

Did you. Actually, this is something I learned recently from living down here amongst all these animals. A mouse sounds like a cat when it comes. When a cat comes, it sounds like a dog. And when a dog comes, it sounds like a mouse.

[A]

The circle of life.

[D]

Yeah, that's what Elton John was singing about when he wrote that song.

[A]

I. Yeah, I suspected. Well, Gina, if.

[D]

Hey, if anybody knows come, it's Elton, right?

[A]

I don't know why you would say that.

[D]

Poor Bernie has to co sign all these Come lyrics, you know, but he's into. He doesn't care.

[A]

Bernie Sanders?

[D]

Yeah, Bernie doesn't. Bernie Sanders and Elton John write all their music together, but Elton John's kind of the face of it.

[A]

Well, Elton John is, you know, Bernie or bust, as we all know.

[D]

Oh, yeah, me too.

[A]

If I don't, you're more like a Bernie and bust.

[D]

Yeah, I'm anything and bust. I'M jacking off in the voting booth as soon as I get my voting rights back.

[A]

Yeah, of course. Well, I'm glad you're okay. I want you to be safe out there. I want everyone here to be, you know, all of our listeners. We. We hope you're doing okay. And I'm glad that you're out there, and you've been doing a great job with the show. It sounds great.

[D]

Hey, thanks. You've been washing your hands, right, Scotty?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, occasionally. Have you been or.

[D]

Yeah, I've been washing. I've been washing my own hands. I haven't been washing.

[A]

Are you saying watching or washing?

[D]

I'm watching my hands with soap and water.

[A]

What are you putting them next to soap and water and just watching them?

[D]

No, soap and water are my friends from high school that visit. And then we watch my hands.

[A]

How can you be locked up down there if you're getting so many view visitors?

[D]

I get visited. I got visitation now you have visiting hours.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And then we all sit down and we watch my hands.

[A]

Do you have a conjugal visit at all or.

[D]

Oh, yeah, but that's why I need to watch my hands.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

With. With hot. With soap and water. Now I'm saying I got to watch them in, like, a sink, right?

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, good luck to you, Gino. I hope. I mean, you know, first of all, I want you to gain weight while you're down there. You have so much raw bread dough everywhere.

[D]

I know, but this shit goes right through me, quite literally. Hey, Scotty, real quick.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm unable to pour waters for everyone, so I just want you to know I ordered on postmates from 10 different delivery drivers, one bottle of water each.

[A]

Oh, so they'll be arriving at each. Oh, okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. So if you ever need a bottle of water, just check your doorstep. I know you don't want to interact with them, which was your standing rule before the quarantine. Yeah. So I figure. I figured I just told them all to leave it. So you might have a stack of water bottles there. And I'll send Brent Morris to Bill.

[A]

Okay, well, we want to get to our first guest, if that's okay.

[D]

Let's do it. Sound speeds. Whenever you're ready.

[A]

Do you haven't been recording. This is not just a friendly conversation that we've been having.

[D]

And action.

[A]

Oh, God. All right, well, hopefully someone got it. I want I mentioned she's been on the show many times before. And I mentioned she's an idea person. She's an inventor. I believe I. I may have said that she is a small business owner, which is not true, but.

[D]

No, you said inventor and idea person.

[A]

But I mean previous. On previous episodes. I believe I've. I've mistaken her for a small business owner. She has no small business. But her name leads one to believe that she would have one, but. Welcome back to the show. Entre P Newer. Hello. Welcome back to the show.

[E]

Hello, Scott. How are you, Scott?

[A]

I'm doing okay. Scary times. Yes. Scary times. Where are you?

[E]

I'm not scared.

[A]

You're not scared?

[E]

I'm not scared. I love it.

[A]

Where are you holed up? Are you. What are you doing? Where are you?

[E]

Am I.

[A]

Hold up, G'd up, hold down, Piece.

[E]

Up a town down. Yes, I'm at Atlanta, Scott, where ideas are born.

[A]

You're in Atlanta.

[E]

Ass up, ass up, face down, not getting fucked one bit.

[A]

That's the most I've ever heard you curse, by the way.

[E]

Because I gave up my faith. With what's going on. With what's going on, My faith is. My faith is really void.

[A]

So the pandemic here has shaken your faith to its very core, to where you no longer believe in God?

[E]

Yes, Scott, that is correct, Scott.

[B]

Wow.

[E]

So I have an idea. I have an idea.

[A]

Wait, okay, so if you have not heard Entre on the show before, Entre comes in with ideas for businesses, with ideas for inventions. So you have an idea now the quarantine has given you some sort of an idea.

[E]

Are you surprised, Scott, that I have an idea?

[A]

No, you always come in with ideas. So I'm actually kind of at a baseline, just not moving the needle at all, Scott.

[E]

Because you seem shook, Scott. Well, yes, I do have an idea. Since I've given up my faith, I have thought maybe those of us who don't believe can gather as you. As you will. Yes. In these times, I want us to gather because we will be covered by the blood.

[C]

What?

[A]

Covered by what? Blood.

[D]

I'm listening. I'm in. So far. So far, you got me. I love blood and I love gatherings.

[E]

Not that you said you were.

[A]

No, he always says that. And it's literally 45 seconds until the next thing he says.

[D]

And I know me talking when we're on Zoom makes it even more difficult, but I apologize.

[A]

Normally, when you say we're covered in the blood, that's like a religious metaphor. But you're not religious anymore. What do you mean? Literally, the pandemic. We're all gonna be bleeding out human blood.

[E]

I want Us to be covered by the human blood. I have an idea. But that's not my idea, Scott. That exists.

[A]

Okay, I would hope. Yeah, human blood exists, obviously.

[E]

Human blood is a thing already, Scott.

[A]

And it's not rectangular, which most of your ideas are either rectangular or square.

[E]

No, blood is flat. Blood is flat. And it's always.

[A]

Not really. But it's not two dimensional. It's actually three dimensional.

[E]

Scott, I'm not here for your religious heebie jeebie. I'm here to talk to you about my newest invention.

[A]

All right, what do you got for us? Hit us with. And by the way, I will invest in something. I took a real crash.

[E]

You have money now?

[A]

Yeah, I took a real crash on the stock market. So I'm just going through my. Through what's in the vault.

[E]

Give us the numbers, Scott. How much were you making and how much do you make now?

[A]

But I would say I have. I have roughly in the. You know, I'm a little stock poor now, but I have roughly in the. In the realm of $2.3 million here in the house.

[E]

Just cash.

[A]

Okay, well, a combination of various things. Yeah.

[E]

Oh, yes, Cash. And Barry's Bonds. And not Barry Bond.

[A]

I have a Barry Bond trading card from his rookie season.

[E]

Barry Bond there in your house, Scott?

[A]

No, I just have a trading card.

[E]

Quarantine in with you, Scott.

[A]

Daryl Strawberry is here, but not Barry Bond.

[D]

Straw man. That's exciting.

[E]

Daryl Strawberry. Is that an athlete?

[A]

I believe it is, yeah. Yeah. But he's just been. He's been making ice cream sundaes because he got into a side hustle. Yeah. After he retired.

[E]

Oh, okay. Clever of him.

[D]

Darryl's Sundays. It's got a good ring to it.

[A]

Yeah, it really does. He only makes them on Sunday.

[E]

Oh, okay. Clever. Okay, so, Scott, I've got another idea. Okay.

[A]

Okay, you have an idea? Is it rectangular?

[E]

Scott, please. King Scott, I can't spend too much time here. I have a few social gatherings to attend tonight.

[A]

Okay, what do you got?

[E]

Ok, so it's a rectangle. Starts with a rectangle.

[A]

Sure.

[E]

Obviously, in that rectangle there are other rectangles. And each rectangle is kind of placed in a row, if you will. And in between the rows of rectangles is an aisle where people can walk.

[A]

Which is kind of a rectangle on the floor.

[E]

Correct, Scott, you follow. You follow. Okay, so at the front of the rectangle is gonna be a rectangle kind of on its square side.

[A]

Okay, got it.

[E]

All right. Usually on top. Some might put a bible.

[A]

In this invention. Of yours. Someone would put. Someone would put a Bible in there.

[E]

No, no, no, not in mine, because we done gave that up.

[A]

Well, this is a new invention, isn't it?

[E]

Yeah, but I think that you put my back up against the wall.

[D]

Wait, I'm really seeing. I'm sorry, Andre, but I'm really seeing what you're describing here. It's. I don't want to.

[A]

Are you talking about the back up against the wall and the face down, ass up part?

[D]

Oh, that. That I know well, in the middle of the night, that's how I do. But, like, what I'm saying is. I see what you're saying. I like the rectangles on the floor. A book of some sort, maybe. Off to the side, there's, like, these little booths that you can go in and, like, tell secrets to a stranger.

[E]

How did you know?

[D]

Because I just sounds awesome.

[A]

And Gino, does he want to invest? You're describing a church. The thing that you no longer want to go to.

[E]

Scott, with all due respect. Fuck you, it's not a church.

[A]

That's not respectful.

[D]

You can't say all the little urinals all around it and shit. Like you can walk up, dip your hand in the urinal.

[A]

Those are not urinals. Gino, you have a different problem. Those are not. Have you been peeing in the.

[E]

But, Scott, I don't have much time. Are you going to invest?

[A]

No, I'm not going to invest. These things already exist and they're empty right now. They're not doing any business right now during the quarantine.

[E]

The ones that. The ones you're saying exist are empty right now because those people are confused as to why what is happening right now is happening.

[A]

They're empty because no one's allowed to go into right now. You're pitching me something that will get $0 for who knows until when?

[D]

All right, Entre, I'm in. I'll offer you $100,000 for 20% of your business at a 3% interest rate until I'm paid back, in which case it'll be a 1.5 in perpetuity.

[A]

Wait, you think Entre is giving you the hundred thousand dollars, huh? The interest rate doesn't apply. She's. She's not giving you the hundred thousand dollars in order to get. For you to get 20% of her country.

[D]

How am I supposed to join in this business without a loan? I got no cash, Scott.

[E]

I don't have much time. This has been.

[A]

You keep saying that. I don't see you going Anywhere. Where are you? Are you leaving right now or are you.

[D]

According to your zoom screen, you're standing on the same, like, back alley, just screaming into your phone, look, I have Scott.

[E]

I need money, honey, and if you.

[A]

What do you need money for? I mean, is this quarantine? Are you not not able to survive? Have you gotten your government surplus check yet?

[D]

I got my stimulus check in the mail. 60,000 hours of free AOL. Ready to rock, baby.

[A]

It was just one of those DVD ROMs that they sent you.

[D]

Yeah, dude, it's sick. I just got to figure out how to get it into my phone and then I'll be able to have free Internet for a while.

[A]

Just keep pushing it against it. Eventually you'll find the stuff.

[E]

I've got an idea for one of those. Oh, a DVD rom.

[A]

You have an idea for a DVD rom? What is your invention?

[C]

Sure.

[E]

Well, it's a square, but then it's a circle on top of a square.

[A]

Okay. You see, circle gets a square.

[E]

You pop open the circle and you put in the DVD rom. And then you close the circle back up.

[A]

And then you're just talking about a DVD ROM right? Now, the thing that you mentioned at the top when you said you had invention for the DVD rom, I do.

[E]

Have some things I wanna say. I also just feel like I could bring an end to this entire virus that's kind of plaguing y'.

[A]

All.

[E]

Really.

[A]

So you think. So you think because we have scientists out there who are working on a vaccine on cures, is we have an earwolf.

[D]

When you say you have scientists, you have earwolf is working on that.

[A]

I guess. I mean, the entire country. I'm speaking more the United States. We. But you think.

[E]

But not the magazine.

[A]

Oh, you are? When I say we? Yeah, I mean my collection of magazines in my vault. But. But as an inventor, you think that you might be able to invent the cure to coronavirus?

[E]

Not might, not. Might. Not might. I done invented it. I done invented it. Okay, so it's kind of a cylindrical. Like a container. All right.

[A]

So it's not a rectangle.

[C]

Wow.

[E]

No cylinder. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

It's going to have a substance, a liquidy substance. You pump it into your hand or wherever you want and then you add water. Suds form the virus will not be able to stand.

[A]

When you say suds. When you say suds, what do you mean? Like, what kind of suds? Like what?

[E]

Like bubbly ones?

[C]

Like.

[A]

Like. Like. How would you describe them?

[E]

They're usually going to be white Bubbly and white.

[A]

Bubbly. Like what? Like what? Like what kind of shampoo?

[E]

Champagne. So you know what happens when you get a beer and it's like, you know, you guys like beers.

[D]

Love beer.

[E]

You guys look like you like beers. Hoppy. What do you y' all call it? Hoppy or whatever. Got bubbles at the top. Kind of like that, but thinner. Also the way Geno likes his women.

[D]

You know me, I'll fuck anything and I love it.

[E]

All lie has been detected.

[A]

Okay, sure.

[D]

I'm poly. I'm fucking. I'm pan. I'm poly.

[A]

You're everything.

[D]

Fuck white people. So you know what I say? Polly want to crack a baby?

[A]

Of course. Yes. You said that. By the way, you said that on a recent episode. And you never. I thought you were in studio, but I guess this was. Did you get out of the basement to record that episode? That was just like a couple of months ago.

[D]

Oh, yeah. I guess I forget.

[A]

Was that.

[D]

That might. We might have recorded that before December 4th, when I was quarantined.

[A]

Maybe you were on parole.

[D]

Oh, yeah, I was on parole. That's what it was. I was police academy. I was on parole.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Citizens on Patrol.

[A]

Citizens on. On parole.

[E]

Are y' all gonna invest in this?

[A]

And you're talking about soap? Entree. You're talking about soap.

[E]

Scott, you are my friend.

[D]

Soap from high school.

[A]

All right. Entree. No, I'm sorry. We're not gonna invest in soap. Although, you know, a lot of the stores out there don't have a lot. So if you want to make some. You don't know what soap is, do you? Do you what it was?

[E]

Why would I be telling you? I'm inventing it, Scott. That.

[A]

Do you have a rope?

[E]

Sick in the head.

[A]

Do you have a rope in the shower?

[E]

Rope? I'm not gonna hang myself.

[D]

I have a rope in the shower. I have a braided belt that I use just to, like, tighten around my neck while I'm showering and stuff. I just throw it over the shower head and I can lean forward, you know, get close to death. Feel that? What? I guess can only be one of the best orgasms you can have alone.

[A]

When you can only guess.

[D]

I'm saying you can only guess. I know how it feels. There's a reason we chase it. It's obviously good if people are willing to fucking die doing it.

[A]

Gino, this show is not about the euphoric sensations of auto erotic X. Oh, don't remind me. All right, we're going to come back with more Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back with more Chino, more entre p? Noor. We'll be right back after this cue break. Hey, this podcast, Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Squarespace. What's Squarespace? I've been talking about them for a decade now. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or maybe you're scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. Every dream needs a domain, doesn't it? I've always said that. I said that before Squarespace came along. Every dream needs a domain. Squarespace Domains makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all inclusive price. No hidden fees or add ons required. And with Squarespace's collection of cutting edge design tools, anyone can build a beautiful professional online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business. Start with Blueprint AI, Squarespace's AI Enhanced design partner, or choose from a library of professionally designed and award winning website templates. I don't know why I'm doing this voice. Now, no matter where you start, your website is flexible to what you need. Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh boy, the holidays just around the corner. That corner names December 24th and Christmas Street. Oh, I love those two corners. Those two streets where they intersect. Anyway, it's time to get your space ready, right? It's time to put up all the decorations. Everything you need. Well, who better to do it with than Wayfair? Wayfair is the place to shop for all things home. Everything from sofas to spatulas. If they made a combination of those two, they would probably have it. You name it, they have it. You can get up to 70% off during Wayfair's Black Friday sale. Wayfair also has styles you can't find anywhere else. No generic pieces that you've seen a hundred, a thousand, a million times. So you can make your home way more you. And starting October 30, you can shop Wayfair's can't miss Black Friday deals all month long. That's right. Plus you can just, you know, sit back and relax. With Wayfair's fast and easy shipping just in time for the holidays, we got a bunch of holiday stuff from Wayfair. We got first of all of holiday Halloween. We got some giant life size skeletons for some reason. But we also got a bunch of Christmas stuff. You know, that cool op loves Christmas. We got Santa stuff. We got all sorts of decorations. It's all up here. Don't miss out on an early Black Friday deal. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop. Wayfair's Black Friday deals for up to 70% off. That's Wayfair. W-A Y-F-A-I R.com sale ends December 7th. Cold mornings. Holiday plans. You know, this is when you just want your wardrobe to be simple. Stuff that looks sharp, feels good, and things that you will actually wear. And that, my friend, is where Quince comes in. And the bonus quince pieces make great gifts too. So you can be wearing it yourself and then give someone exactly what you're wearing and then they open it up and go, are you wearing the same thing? And then you go, yeah, I want to be twins. Twins rhymes with Quinns, which is a little like Quince. Quince rhymes with Prince. Anyway, this season's lineup is simple but smart and Easy with quints $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like an everyday luxury and wool coats that are equal parts stylish and durable. Now, I just ordered something from Quince. I got the cotton peak knit blazer. Looks great. It was honestly a little inexpensive too, for a blazer. It looks good on me. It's so comfy. This is the kind of thing that they sell at Quint's. They sell just things that look really good and they're not that expensive either. Give and get. Timeless holiday staples that last this season with quints. Go to quints.com Bang Bang for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's. That is amazing. Now available in Canada too. That is Q U I N C E.com Bang Bang Quince.com Bang Bang free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Bang Bang Comedy Bang Bang. We're back here. Gino Lombardo, my intern from Long Island Sound Speeds broadcasting, he hooked us all up from the basement of Mama Gina. Mama Gina.

[D]

Mama Gina's Pizzeria on Jerusalem Avenue.

[A]

Pizzeria let out for good behavior to do our previous episode and came back to the basement like a good little prisoner. We also have Andre P. Noir is here. Inventor to the stars.

[E]

I stuck around. I stuck around.

[A]

Thank you. Appreciate it. But we do need to get to our next guest and this is exciting. I don't know if you guys are sports fans, but this is one of the best players to ever play the game of that oblong brown ball. You know, we're talking about football. He played for the. The Buffalo Bills and the. The Cleveland Browns. Did you play for them?

[B]

No, Scott, I didn't.

[A]

Why do I think that? I have no idea.

[B]

I don't know why you think that. I tell you one thing, though. Cleveland could not be any further away than the actual team that I did play for after I played for the Bills. I tell you, Scott, you a wild man.

[A]

What was it?

[B]

I'm just saying.

[A]

Tokyo. How far away?

[B]

San Francisco.

[A]

Oh, okay, so 3,000 smiles apart.

[B]

3,000 smiles. Hey, I like that, Scott. I've never heard that one. You know, Scott, me and you should create a. A nice little joke website. Those are getting really popular these days.

[A]

Joke websites. I remember. By the way, I want to introduce you in a second, but the last time we were on the show, we were starting a website together, were we not?

[B]

Absolutely, Scott. I'm still raising some money for that domain, but it's coming in no time.

[A]

Let me know when you raise the money. We'll talk to Squarespace about that extra plug for them.

[B]

You take care.

[A]

I said wait a minute. Don't. Before you leave, I gotta introduce you. He's a former player for The San Francisco 49ers and the Buffalo Bills and also dipped his toe into TV pitchman and was an actor as well. He's really run the gamut with all types of entertainment. Please welcome back to the show O.J. simpson.

[B]

What a rousing intro, Scott. I tell you what, man. You know, I haven't gotten an intro like that since I hosted Saturday night live in 1978 and I did a whole speech about Orientals.

[A]

I don't remember that.

[D]

Holy shit, Nodberg. That shit holds up.

[A]

It's interesting. They let you do that in the 70s and then they fire a guy for it just a year ago.

[B]

It's interesting, right? I tell you what. But you know what? We're living in the time.

[A]

Andre, any opinion on this?

[E]

I think it sounds horrible.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, Scott, we're living in a time where everybody has to be politically correct these days, you know? And so, you know, evolution is a part of the process and everybody has to participate in it and take part in it. And if you don't, you get left behind. And I'm not trying to get left behind. I'm just saying take care.

[A]

Thank you. So much juice. Politically Correct. That kind of happened in the 90s. And speaking of which, the 90s were a time when I stopped sort of paying attention to your career. I would say approximately 1991. 92 around there. I sort of. You dropped off my radar, and then you came roaring back.

[B]

1992, the year of the LA riots. I tell you one thing, I was here, and I decided to wrap my whole house in bubble wrap. So if anybody came running into it, they just bounced right off. That was a bad idea then. It is a bad idea now. I'm just saying. Take care.

[A]

Did you. Did you. Were you suffocating in that house? It seems like you'd have to let some of the air in.

[B]

I'll tell you what, Scott. I have been suffocating out in these streets for years and years, but not from that bubble wrap. From this terrible air quality we got here in Los Angeles. You know, it's so thick, sometimes you can cut it with a knife. But I'm telling you right now that they are. There are.

[A]

That's a horrible way to go, by the way. Suffocating. I mean.

[B]

Yeah, you're damn right, Scott. But you know what? Now that everybody's in their homes because of the stay at home order, you know, the air quality has gotten so much better.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Andre's in this. In these streets and these sheets, apparently.

[D]

And forgive me for. I don't mean to interrupt, Mr. Simpson, but it looks like you're on a golf course exclusively.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You know, I got to get my 18 holes in a day, but, hey, I'm staying six feet apart from everybody who I'm out here golfing with.6ft.

[A]

That's, by the way, the standard distance from the ground to where a body lies when they are put under this earth, when they're buried. Have you ever been to any funerals, Juice?

[B]

You know, I have been to some funerals. I'll tell you this. My buddy and pal Robert Kardashian passed away. Oh, yeah.

[D]

Rest in power, King.

[B]

Rest in power King. That's correct.

[E]

Robert Kardashian Senior.

[B]

Robert Kardashian Senior. Yes, absolutely.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Black China's baby dad is still alive.

[B]

Yes, you're very correct. You're very correct.

[D]

Oh, then I take back. Then I take back what I said. Mine was for Junior.

[A]

I hope this isn't dated, by the way, with what's going on in the world.

[B]

I know. You tell me about it, Scott. Hey, Scott, let me ask you something.

[A]

Please do.

[B]

Are you afraid to be out here in these times? How you holding up? Are you going to the grocery store to get your essential items? Are you stocked up on toilet paper? I know I am. I hit the Costco day one of the quarantine and I bought 148 rolls because I know how my body works and I love drinking milk and eating cream of mushroom soup. I tell you what, that's just me. I'm just saying. You take care.

[A]

Okay, thank you. Thanks. But stick around if you could. Juice. What else is going on during the quarantine? I mean, obviously you must be keeping close with friends and family. I can't remember, are you married?

[B]

I am not currently married, no. I'm living the bachelor lifestyle. But once in my life, back in our day, you had to get married right out of high school, right out of college, and that's what happened to you.

[A]

I remember that. You took a wife, right? And then.

[B]

Yes, I got married way early in my life to a lovely friend who's. We're still friends today. Her name is Marguerite. But currently in this thing, I'm talking to friends and family over Zoom, like we're doing right now, you know, and I'm also catching up on my television. You know, I got that Netflix. I've been watching that. Tiger King. Have you guys seen this program here? I tell you one thing. These white people, sometimes you just want to hurt them. Oh, they were the way that they handle these wild. Stay away from wild animals. White people.

[A]

Yeah, definitely.

[B]

I'm just saying.

[D]

I. I watched Tiger King and all I wanted to do was kiss those animals on the mouth.

[B]

You must be white, Geno.

[D]

Yeah, I'm rather white. As I've been told by the census and police, when they don't bother me.

[A]

At all, you tell the census what you are. It's not. It's not the other way around.

[D]

They came over my house and. White motherfucker in the bathroom. They put me in the fucking bathroom. My own house. And I had to watch my hands again.

[A]

Juicer. Are you. Are you protecting yourself when you go outside? Are you wearing a mask? And what about gloves? I mean, do you have gloves on?

[B]

Absolutely. I bought. You know, I hate to say this, recorded online because people may think ill of me and that's the last thing I want is people thinking negatively about me. But I bought about 250 N95 masks right before the quarantine broke.

[A]

You should be sending those to medical professionals.

[B]

Well, you know, I thought about it and then I decided against it.

[A]

Okay, well, that makes sense. Okay, great. As long as you thought about it and Decided against it, then we're all right.

[D]

All I've got are these N69 masks that you gotta wear upside down.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Gina, what pizzeria are you in?

[D]

Mama Gina's Pizzeria.

[B]

Is that in New York?

[D]

Yeah, it's in Long Island.

[B]

It's in Belmore now. I got a funny story for you. I used to drive all the way down from Buffalo to go right to Mama Gina's Pizza. And this is back, way back when Mama was still alive.

[D]

Holy shit. That's amazing juice. That's such wonderful news.

[B]

Yeah, we'd sit there and cover ourselves in red sauce and just make love until the early evening hours.

[A]

So you're just covered? Just some.

[E]

It wasn't for pizza.

[A]

Some would say spattered with red.

[B]

Spattered with red, yeah. This was the first time that happened. And the second time Mama Gina looked at me and said, oj. That's what she used to call me. Oj, Short for oj.

[A]

Sure. She had her own distinct nickname for you as opposed to juice, which everyone else calls you.

[B]

And she would say, oj. Why don't we use use flour this time? I tell you what, it was a time. It was a time to be had.

[D]

Use flour for what?

[A]

Yeah, I don't know.

[D]

As lube or just on your body. As lube kind of acts.

[B]

It makes the opposite effect.

[D]

You're telling me I let a guy wrap his dick in flour and by the end of him he was pumping. He made a fucking full on bagel in my ass.

[A]

Wait, was this the bagel boss?

[B]

This?

[D]

This was the little bagel boss. He was standing on a stack of phone books just splitting me in half. Guy's got a big hog. But we threw a bunch of flour in there.

[A]

Does he travel with his own.

[E]

This was a Christian program.

[A]

Does he travel with his own phone books? Because those are hard to get these days.

[D]

Oh, yeah. He had a bunch with him in his car and it started drying up with the flowers. So we threw poppy seed, sea salt, sesame seeds, some onions, some garlic. We threw everything in there.

[E]

I don't mean to pry, but how did it to make a bagel? Because you gotta boil the dough to make a bagel.

[A]

Oh, it was boiling. From what?

[D]

Oh, Andre. It got fucking hot, this dude. You know, little people, not a lot of people know this, but if you're short, your dick gets even hotter than 98.6 degrees.

[C]

Really?

[D]

Cartoon thermometer. It was right. It was red and real bright at the end. And he was just fucking Tearing into me, you know?

[E]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

Oh, my goodness.

[D]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Juice. I'm getting ahead of myself. I don't wanna.

[B]

We've all had our experiences. I'll tell you one thing. You mentioned phone books. I was in prison for a while.

[A]

What?

[B]

You know, getting my. Trying to get my memorabilia back. Yeah, that's true. A stain on my life and career that I don't love to revisit. Probably the biggest mistake I ever made.

[E]

But was going to prison.

[B]

Yes. For trying to get back my merchandise. But in there, during a riot, you gotta wrap phone books around your stomach area to prevent getting stabbed, you see? Cause who would wanna be stabbed? I just. I mean, that seems like a horrible thing to go through. Hey, I'm just saying.

[A]

I do know you're just saying.

[E]

I have another idea for what y' all could have done in jail to keep from getting stabbed. It could be sort of a rectangle with a hole cut out up top for your neck and two holes on either side for your arms. You would kind of just throw it over your body, maybe. Like, it would look like a shirt or a tank top. Or oj. You would call it a wife beater.

[B]

I'm listening.

[A]

That piqued your interest? O.J.

[B]

I'M invested.

[A]

I'm intrigued hearing those two words, wife and beater.

[D]

Look, I'm told you're supposed to call them a frame shirts these days. I'm sorry, but I'm the one who's woken broke and not a joke, so suck my egg. Just a yolk, baby.

[A]

Sure. Yeah, of course. Of course.

[E]

It would be made of a sort of impenetrable entree substance.

[A]

I hate to break it to you.

[E]

But if you hate to, why would you do it?

[A]

Okay, you could stop. I want that.

[D]

Andre, you're describing something called plate mail armor, which was invented in the Middle Ages that, like knights and different gladiatorial events would wear, like a breastplate, if you will.

[E]

I actually was trying to describe a bulletproof vest.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Oh, so you knew what it was then. You. So you knew what? You knew what it was. Obviously you could have just said bulletproof vest, then it wouldn't had any confusion.

[B]

Well, I definitely needed that explanation. I needed that.

[A]

All right, we need to take a break. When we come back, we'll have more OJ, More entrepreneur, and of course, intern. Gino, you'll stick around, won't you?

[D]

I won't talk, though. Okay. And whenever you're ready, Scott.

[A]

I'm ready for it. Hit it. Yeah. All right. We'll be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after the this.

[B]

Take care.

[A]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, reaching out to someone that you haven't talked to in a long time, it feels good. I just had lunch with a friend that I hadn't seen in a few years. It was great to reconnect, talk our lives, what's different, all that kind of stuff, you know. And as the seasons change, shorter days don't have to weigh you down. This season better help encourage you. So encourage use, encourages. Use guys to reach out to people you know, check in on friends, reconnect with loved ones, remind them you're here. It just takes a little courage to send that text or grab coffee with someone you haven't seen in a while. But you know what, Reaching out for therapy, that can feel difficult too. But it's oh so worth it. It can leave people wondering, why didn't I do this sooner? And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the US and BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you. So you can just focus on your therapy goals. And this month, don't wait to reach out whether you're checking in on a friend. Reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] BangBang that is betterhelp.com Bang Bang.

[D]

Calling all sightseers and selfie takers. Welcome to Texas, where a day at our hiking trails will lead to a lifetime of memories. And family road trips become family legends where thrill seekers make a splash into spring fed pools and picky eaters will clean their plates. This is your invitation to visit Texas and see it for yourself. Visit traveltexas.com and plan your family's trip today. Let's Texas. Hi, I'm Jenny Slate and believe it.

[A]

Or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast. I'm Gabe Liedman. I'm Max Silvestri and we've been friends for 20 years and we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives. It's called I need you guys. Should I give my baby fresh vegetable?

[E]

Can I drink the water at the hospital?

[A]

My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop.

[E]

You should make sure that you subscribe.

[A]

So that you never miss an episode. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back here. Intern Geno on the. The ones and the twos, obviously. Cut.

[D]

Break. Q episode.

[A]

Cue episode. We're just starting the episode now.

[D]

And action. Let's go. Let's get out here. Let's get OJ Out.

[A]

Let's do we also have Entre Pinuar here? Inventor at large.

[E]

Hi, Scott. Hi. Hi. Good to see you again.

[A]

Thank you very much. It's great to see you. I mean, to see your domicile there in Atlanta.

[E]

There's East Atlanta. Yes, I am in East Atlanta going to a party. East Atlanta.

[A]

What's the difference between East Atlanta and West Atlanta?

[E]

One is rich, one is poor.

[A]

Oh, okay. And which is which?

[E]

Well, I think our next guest would be better equipped to answer that.

[A]

Oh, okay. All right, great. Well, O.J. entre thinks that you'll have an opinion on this.

[B]

Yeah. I tell you one thing. I've been to Atlanta multiple times in my life, and I love going down to the World of Coke Museum.

[A]

World of Coke. Is that the Koch brothers or what?

[B]

That's the Coca Cola. Coca Cola Museum. And inside of that museum, at the end of your experience, you can drink a bunch of soft drinks that are made by Coca Cola from around the world. And most of them are pretty tasty. But some of those damn things, you gotta wonder, how are those people in those countries drinking that stuff? You know, there is an aperitif.

[C]

No. O.J.

[E]

Now, what does this have to do with.

[A]

What are we talking about right now?

[D]

So. So just. Let's just wrap it up.

[A]

Oh, if we can call you.

[B]

Oh, you got it.

[E]

OJ with all due respect, what does this have to do with which side?

[A]

Oh, you're getting to it. Because right now it just seems like you're casting aspersions on other countries and their particular tastes.

[B]

I'm getting to it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

There's an aperif.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

From Italy called Beverly. And I tell you what, I took a sip of that and that joker was disgusting. I don't see how anybody could drink that stuff. But, you know, you gotta understand and you gotta accept other cultures, cuz America's a melting pot. And I'm just saying.

[A]

O.J. okay, I give you a lot of leeway there to get to your point.

[E]

OJ now, which part of Atlanta.

[D]

Why does it even matter at this point, Andrew, let's let it die. Let's let it rest, please.

[E]

And honestly, Scott, when I met the next guest, I actually meant literally the next guest you intend. Because if I understand, he has some ties to the South.

[A]

To the south, certainly. But maybe not Atlanta. But let's terry no further and introduce him. He is the subject of a recent documentary. Please welcome Roger Peculiar.

[C]

Hello, tiger. Scott, how are you doing? You doing all right?

[A]

Doing good. You have a voice that naturally sounds like a zoom freezing.

[C]

Is that true? So it's not going through very clear?

[A]

No, no, we can hear you crystal clear. Just your voice sounds naturally. Like, you know how when the sound elongates when a zoom freezes? You sound like that constantly?

[C]

Yeah, sometimes I have. I grew up next to Internet facility.

[A]

And what do you mean, like a house Rain with the Internet, rain freezes.

[C]

It's a facility. It's a public library.

[A]

You grew up next to a library? Did you ever check out a book from there?

[C]

Yeah, I went in there, I checked out a couple books. I got a Da Vinci Code from Dan Brown.

[A]

How'd you like that one?

[C]

I did not end up reading it and I returned it 24 days later.

[B]

Later.

[D]

24.

[A]

And how long was the rental period?

[C]

What do they call was a quick read? It was just a two day. I've borrowed so many things, they only give me a two day leash at this point.

[E]

Do you have allergies?

[C]

A lot of people ask me that. That's just my accent and my nose has gone to hell.

[A]

Oh, okay, Roger, let's dig in deep to your details here. Are you from the South? Obviously you're from the South.

[C]

Yeah, I'm from Georgia. You know, I just figured it was a perfect time to promote my zoo documentary since Tiger King has become so popular.

[A]

You have a zoo documentary?

[C]

Yes, I'm here to promote my zoo documentary, Goose Tycoon.

[A]

Goose Tycoon.

[C]

Yes. You know how Joe Exotic is a zookeeper for tigers and I am one for geese and some ducks and some swans.

[A]

Did you make this documentary as a parody of Tiger King? Because you're constantly relating it to Tiger King.

[C]

I just want people to know where it's coming from. It sounds, you know, it's very popular. I'm actually pretty upset about it.

[A]

Okay, so your documentary is not a reaction to Tiger King?

[C]

No, I've had this documentary going already. Yeah. Okay.

[D]

I've seen it, Scott. I used to watch it with some friends.

[A]

And you've seen Goose Tycoon?

[D]

I watched like the first, I guess first 40 or 50 episodes. There's. There's a lot, but there. It was fun. It was good. I like a lot of it.

[A]

Are these episodes.

[C]

That's a. That is a complaint from a lot of people. I am pitching the documentary to that. It is just A hundred consecutive episodes of a small show.

[A]

Are these quick bites?

[C]

Well, I, I wanted to pitch it to, to Quibby, but I haven't been able to pitch it yet there. I pitched it to, to CBS All Access.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

I pitched it to CISO 2.

[A]

They made a sequel to CISO.

[C]

Yeah. Yes. Everybody said we're called Peacock. Oh. And I just kept it.

[A]

You're like, it's all always CISO to me.

[C]

There's always CSAR to me. I pitched it to Redfin tv.

[A]

The, the home buying app.

[C]

Yes, yes. Redfin tv. What you can. If you're looking for a mid price condominium, you can also see a little bit of content on that app now.

[D]

That's how I saw it. A guy I used to smoke dust with used to be a PA at Redfin tv. So he had some pitch materials and that's how we watched at a sleepover party.

[C]

And my final pitch was to the iPhone app Wallet.

[A]

That. Yeah, the, the thing that comes on iPhones that sort of organizes.

[C]

Apparently they, they're going to keep your, your, your credit cards, maybe a couple of boarding passes and then a couple of episodes of TV in there now.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So when, anytime you open it up. Hey, I'd love an episode of Television in my actual wallet. That would be great.

[C]

Wouldn't that be great? Because you need something to do when you get. They got your board and pass out and you're waiting, you got your shoes off and you're waiting there to go through the damn scanner. And it's like, I wish I could just watch a little something right here. It's mainly for when you put your briefcase through the TSA box until you walk to the other side. That's when it, you should be putting.

[A]

Your, you should be putting your phone in that TSA box.

[D]

So this, this show for you to watch specifically while you're getting your body scanned at the tsa.

[C]

Well, you have to. The problem with the wallet is. And, and, but I want to, I want to work with the wallet. You have to always ask for additional screening so you, so you can go through the thing where you can take your phone.

[A]

Okay. Okay. So yeah, that's going to be so, so it's there to waste time when you are asking for additional time.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a very specific time period that, that you want people to watch your show.

[C]

Well, I know I'm not, I don't work for Wallet. I just want to be on that there.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Is all I'm saying.

[A]

And did they, did Any of these places buy your pitch? No.

[C]

Nobody. Everybody said no. This sounds like a parody of another documentary.

[A]

Take us through. What is it? Goose tattoo. What was it?

[C]

Goose tycoon.

[A]

Tycoon.

[C]

And my name is Roger Peculiar.

[A]

Yes. Which also, by the way, if I gunned my head, I would say sounds as well, like a parody of the person from Tiger King.

[C]

So you're saying I ran all these words through a synonym generator?

[A]

Possibly.

[C]

Is that what you're saying? Well, I'm a real person, Scott. That's not what happened happen, you know?

[D]

Sure.

[C]

But I, I, I am part of the, the goose, the big bird conservationalist community.

[A]

The, the, this isn't related to Sesame street, do you mean? No, no, this isn't a large bird, just very large birds. Okay.

[C]

Yeah. And you know, unlike tigers, which are more valuable when they're younger, geese are better when they're old.

[A]

Old. Oh, okay.

[C]

So I'm always on the lookout for old ass geese.

[D]

What do you mean by better and.

[A]

What do you mean by I'm always on the lookout for?

[C]

Well, you know, a geriatric goose from the black market breeder, can cost $40 and I know a guy who will sell me 1 for 60 Capri Suns. So basically that, basically you want a goose when you got people watching your gooses. You got paying customers, they're watching your gooses. You want them to be old and docile so they are not attacking the people that are petting them and that you're holding them next to their head so they.

[D]

I'm sorry, it's a petting zoo for old geese?

[C]

Well, yeah, we show them you can pet them. And a lot of people keep telling me a wallet TV said this is not as exciting as Tiger King. It's. Geese aren't exciting.

[A]

Well, I don't even think it's just the geese. I mean, Tiger King seems to have a lot of like murders in it. And, and I mean you're, you're definitely an oddball.

[C]

Well, I have a, I have a Carol Baskins.

[A]

You have a Carol Baskins?

[C]

Yes. Her name's Angela Dumpson. Angela Dubson. I've had it with Angela Dunson. She is my Carol Baskin.

[A]

I would think it would be more like song 31 flavors.

[C]

So see, you can't run a name through a synonym thing because it'll change it to businesses.

[A]

A Carol is also, it's also a noun.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Oh, I guess you meant Baskins. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

But yeah, my enemy is Angela Dumpson. She's, she's a Goose protector. And she's always saying, oh, oh, Roger, you can't keep geese. They need to fly south for the winter. And I said, not if you buy them little tiny coats.

[A]

So have you killed anybody? Like in Tiger King? Isn't that a thing? Everyone has a theory. OJ Didn't. Don't you have a theory about this? That.

[B]

Oh, I got a huge theory about it. I think that that man, Joe Exotic, sliced that woman up also.

[D]

That wasn't the question.

[A]

That's not.

[B]

That's not what.

[C]

That's not what happens in the documentary. They think Carol Baskin killed her husband.

[B]

I think that Joe Exotic got so upset because Carol Baskin was clearly cheating on him and embarrassing him in front of all of his friends. And I think that he went over there just to talk one day, and all of a sudden, her husband Howard is also there and he's bringing back some glasses that Carol left at the restaurant. And I think he stabbed her right on up.

[A]

This just doesn't sound believable.

[B]

I'm just saying.

[A]

I do know that.

[B]

Take care.

[A]

What were you gonna say?

[C]

Roger, that is a conspiracy theory that I do not think exists for this movie.

[A]

You don't? Wait, you don't think it exists?

[C]

It exists now because he said it. But it is an off the wall, I guess.

[A]

So you don't think it's accurate? It does exist.

[C]

Accurate. It exists, but I. I've had it with Angela Dubson, who is my Carol.

[A]

Basket, you keep saying.

[D]

What were you saying about her before Tiger King came out? What were you able to call her before you saw this documentary?

[A]

Tiger King's only been out like a week and a half at this point.

[C]

Toon. I just called her Angela Dumpson, but now I get to say Angela Dumpson is my Carol Bas.

[A]

Are there other things?

[C]

She put me on a website. She put me on a website called naughty gooseguys.net and I have had it with her. I heard.

[A]

Right. What else is she doing?

[C]

Well, I. I got her back, though. I trained one of my geese to steal one of her goose's eggs. He went over there and he took it and he nudged it back to my place. 14 miles with his beak. It took him three weeks.

[A]

Why didn't you drive him to the, like, the perimeter of her place and just.

[C]

I don't let the geese ride with me in the car anymore because they're backseat drivers.

[A]

Is that what happened in Vegas?

[C]

Well, in Vegas, I'll tell you what happened in Vegas. Some of. Some of the geese got loose in Vegas. And they did 600 of damage to Toby Keith's. I love this bar and Grill.

[A]

That's a sad story.

[C]

Yeah, they purchased the MLB Network on every flat screen with their beaks.

[A]

That's the damage. The $600 worth of damage.

[C]

Yeah. No one was hurt.

[A]

No property was harmed.

[B]

That damn old MLB Network is very expensive in hotels.

[C]

It's too much.

[D]

I think I remember hearing about this because you got in a little hot water because you were using that sedan as a. You were also driving for L around Vegas, right? Yeah, my sedan full of geese.

[C]

My lift rating has severely suffered since. I've been also trying to run a multiple geese petting business out of it. But I do have.

[A]

Wait, multiple. You have multiple businesses or you can pet multiple geese?

[C]

You can pet multiple geese.

[A]

But I always tell one business.

[C]

I always tell them I have the nasty little white lifesaver. What else do you want?

[A]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[E]

I like those lifesavers. I like the white ones.

[D]

Individually wrapped white ones.

[B]

The ones.

[E]

I like those white ones. Gino, you don't like white lifesavers, but.

[D]

Like white everything else, black lifesavers matter.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Those are the only ones.

[A]

Okay. What could they be black? Would they be licorice flavored? What?

[D]

I mean, mean, they could be whatever they want, Scott.

[E]

They could be chocolate flavored, Scott, if they wanted to switch it up.

[A]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Andre, by the way, what race are you? Have we ever established it?

[E]

All of them?

[A]

Everything?

[E]

You got a little bit of OJ you all black? You all blackity Black. Black.

[B]

You know, people have said otherwise over the years.

[E]

O.J. i'm looking at you. You're black.

[A]

I've always thought, looking at me. I've always thought OJ That I could relate to you, though.

[B]

You thought that you could relate to me, Scott?

[A]

Yeah, you know, you're. You're. You're one of your. How do I phrase this?

[D]

You're gonna say one of the good ones.

[A]

No, no, no, no. Just you're.

[C]

You're.

[D]

You heard it here first. Scott Aukerman says O.J. simpson, one of the good ones.

[A]

You're just an American success story and something that we can all aspire to be be, Scott.

[B]

I tell you, I appreciate that tenfold. 100 fold. Almost as many foals as how many N95 masks I have sitting in my basement, which is quite damp, so some of them may be getting a little.

[A]

So little molds in those folds. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Some mold in those folds.

[A]

Yeah. Roger, I have to ask, any other details here on your Goose Tycoon documentary or what's been going on there?

[E]

Well, yeah, I've been mean.

[C]

I do also sing.

[A]

You. Oh, much like. What's his name? Joe Exotic.

[C]

Joe Exotic. Roger Peculiar also has a singing career.

[A]

How do you get Roger from Joe?

[C]

I don't. I didn't get it from him.

[A]

No, it's from your mom.

[C]

I'm older than him.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

So. But you.

[C]

You.

[A]

You sing, though.

[C]

I do sing. Yeah. I got a. I got a few songs. I got one out called Goose Man.

[A]

Let's hear a little bit.

[C]

All right. You want to hear it?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Hey, now, you're a Goose man. Get your game on, go play. So that's how that one goes.

[E]

It's not even go, what now?

[A]

Does it even rhyme with All Star?

[C]

What is it? Rhyme with what?

[A]

All Star.

[C]

I don't know what you're talking about. The All Stars, like the baseball, NBA, all Star.

[A]

Pause. What's one of your other songs, Roger?

[C]

This one's called Mom Goose Bit My Finger.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Hey now, Goose Bit My Finger. Get your game on, go play. What do we think about that one?

[A]

I think it's a hit. Argue anymore? I love them. These.

[D]

These are my favorite kind of songs where they have different beginnings but all the same second line.

[C]

Well, you're gonna like this next one because it's. It's nothing like the first two. A lot of people are saying the first two are similar. This last one is. Is completely different.

[A]

What's it called?

[D]

Last Call. You all got three songs.

[A]

It's not a. Exactly. A large oeuvre.

[C]

Yeah, I come with numbered. Only a few songs, but this one's called Beaks are Just Hard Mouth.

[A]

Let's hear it.

[C]

All that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mo.

[A]

Didn't change any of the lyrics on.

[B]

That one, and I love it.

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

That's the beginning of that song.

[A]

Roger, any other. Any other funny things?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Roger, do you have nine or ten more songs to take us out of this thing?

[C]

Well, I did. I did.

[D]

Roger, I hope you came with a lot of fucking ideas.

[C]

I did. I need to go back a little bit, but I did run for mayor. I ran for mayor, and I lost to a man with 1000 face piercings. Is that something to take us out on?

[E]

Roger, are you married?

[C]

I. Well, I'm glad you brought that up, because I. Of course, Tiger King had three boyfriends over the course of the documentary.

[E]

Husbands.

[C]

I mean, had two husbands and one boyfriend at the end. But I'm also playing the field. Only problem is the field is empty and no one comes to my field.

[E]

So, you know, is that a long way of saying well? No.

[C]

Well, I was involved in a threesome recently. I guess you could call it a love triangle. It's a married couple that I met at a bar that asked me to leave them alone when I sent them a chicken finger plate from the Dairy Queen.

[A]

You were at a bar?

[B]

We used to call that a cluck situation.

[C]

Yeah, I was getting clucked.

[D]

Holding.

[A]

Cluck holding. You were at a bar and you called the Dairy Queen Queen and had them send over a plate?

[C]

I'm always packing a chicken finger plate with the white gravy from Dairy Queen.

[D]

Yes. Dairy Queen.

[C]

We're.

[A]

We're running out of time. We just have time for one final feature on the show, and that's a little something called plugs.

[D]

I need to know what you're doing all the time. I need to know you. Your Twitter handle, too.

[A]

I need your. Ooh, very nice. Nice. That was I need your plugs by Mark Shartz. Ooh, don't like that name. But thank you to Mark Shartz. All right, guys, what are we plugging? Obviously not a lot going on in the field of entertainment other than with things that are being beamed directly to people's houses. But, Gino, what do you have to plug?

[D]

I've just been listening to this. This comedian from Long island named John Gabris. His podcast, this true Story. His. He actually is in a painting in. In the Mama Gina's Pizzeria upstairs. So if you happen to live in Long island, go to Mama Gina's and see if you can find my favorite comedian John Gabriel's, somewhere on the thrilling Mama Jeans. It's a fan. Yes. A huge fan of John Gabriel's. Everyone loves this guy. He's got a podcast called High and Mighty, and then also one where he talks about action movies called Action Boys. At Action Boys, Biz Boys has got a Z. Biz has got a Z. And he's lucky because he can keep working throughout this. Not making any money, but he's working his ass for off.

[A]

Very good. All right, Entre. What are you plugging?

[E]

You know, I would like to plug hand washing, staying inside.

[A]

Hand washing with what, though? How. How do you wash your hands?

[E]

I think everyone's going to need to get in touch with me. Something that creates suds. Suds and water. You guys all have water, hand wash and Stain inside, you know.

[D]

Oh, suds, like the, like the head of a beer.

[A]

You like beer, right?

[E]

Top of a beer where it's hoppy. Cause y' all like beers.

[D]

I love beers.

[E]

Y' all look like you like beers. Okay. And you know you could find me and my friends on the Internet. Yeah, uh huh.

[A]

We can find you on the Internet. Okay, very good.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

O.J.

[D]

Do you drink beer? Do you like it with or without head?

[B]

I tell you what.

[E]

Do you like your beer with or without head?

[D]

Do you like your beer headless?

[B]

I call it neck. I.

[D]

How do you feel about the rhyme? Protect your neck.

[B]

Oh, that's another good rhyme. I like a good beer with a good 2 inches of head on it. Hey, 2 inches of neck.

[A]

O.J. are you a film lover, by the way?

[B]

No, I love film.

[A]

Do you ever want, do you like the Oscars here? You know, when they give away those. The Gold Man.

[B]

Oh, Oscar.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Do you like the Gold Man?

[B]

The Gold Man. You know, I'm more of a, of a fan of the Golden Globe.

[A]

Okay, sure, of course. O.J. do you have, are you gonna plug anything?

[B]

You know, you could catch me here in Viva Las Vegas, Sin City, where anything is possible, playing on the green or you know, I'm. I am a natural born football player, but I also love basketball and I like listening to this Patreon podcast called the Flagrant Ones. And they're still pumping it out even during this time of turmoil. Fantastic. And their names are Hayes Davenport, Sean Clements and Carl Tart.

[A]

Oh, those men.

[B]

You gotta just, you gotta pay a little five dollar fee, but that's not much, you know, know, I put it this way. You pay $5 and I'll send you one of my N95 masks. As long as you pay $5 to the Patreon. And also now, is it going to.

[E]

Be one of the soaking wet masks or.

[B]

All of them are soaking wet. I turned my basement into a steam room and because, you know, it gets pretty hot out and dry out here in Las Vegas and so I have to, you know, keep steam in my body to make sure my skin doesn't clog all the way up and I get no acne bumps on my face. I'm just saying take care.

[A]

Of course, yes. How Goose Tycoon himself, Roger Peculiar. What are you plugging?

[C]

Of course, if you work at the iPhone app Wallet, please buy Goose Tycoon. And if you hate Carol Baskin, you will.

[A]

Who is, by the way, your, my.

[C]

Carol Baskins is of course, Angela Dump.

[A]

Did I Hear some papers rustling? No, no, no, you didn't.

[C]

But if you hate Carol Baskin, you will love the teachers lounge, which is a podcast you can listen to. And also if you love Joe Exotic, you will also love the other two, which is on itunes. Oh, that's right.

[A]

It's a great time to catch up on those things now that we have so much time on our hands. I just want to. I want to plug. Well, I want to remind you we talked about this Monday, but our Arizona shows, which were supposed to be in about a month, they got pushed. We rescheduled them for September. So we'll be September 18th in Tucson and September 19th in Phoenix.

[D]

Oh, that's great. I'm free in September.

[A]

Oh, great. Okay. Well, come by and watch as well.

[E]

If it's early September.

[A]

Yeah, well, yeah. Andre. Andre. I was gonna say the thing that you normally work on, is that ever even gonna come back this year or.

[E]

My friend's one woman show. Great black woman. And then there's me. I know that's what you're asking about.

[C]

Oh, sure.

[E]

Yeah. That one. No, haven't done it in some time. I don't think I should say.

[A]

I keep meaning to go to that.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Are you gonna come, Scott? Are you gonna find.

[A]

I'm definitely gonna come, yeah.

[E]

Okay. Well, UCB has been shut down for the time.

[A]

Oh, no.

[E]

You know, my friend says she's willing to come to your house. House. Stand six feet from you and do the one woman show. She just needs a table.

[C]

She just let us do improv at your house.

[A]

Please?

[D]

I don't know. Come on, Scott, please.

[E]

That other thing. That other thing might be back. The other thing. There might be episode.

[A]

You1 episode. All right, we may see it. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. You start with a C. When you walk to close it up, you lead with an L. And then you o.

[B]

Re up the plug.

[A]

Open up plug. Take your hand and open it up. Then Horatio comes in and he just says the paradise.

[B]

Open up the.

[A]

Open up the bag.

[B]

Open up the.

[A]

Blue. All right, guys, I want to thank you so much for being on this episode, and I hope you're taking care of yourself. Not only our guests here, but you, the listeners. Geno, thanks so much. I hope that the devilish person who has imprisoned you releases you at some point, because I'd love to have you back on the show.

[D]

I'd love it if he gave me a full release. It would be amazing.

[A]

Okay, we'll see if we can arrange that for you. Andre, so great to see you. Please come back.

[E]

Wonderful to see you, Scott.

[A]

Maybe at some point you'll pitch something ovular or circular.

[E]

I did a cylindrical object today.

[A]

Okay, very good. Very good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

O.J. oh, my gosh, what a fan. What a pleasure to have you on the show.

[B]

Scott. I just want to say you're a gem and a scholar, and I'm lucky to be joined with you. Joined at the hip. Scott Aukerman, OJ Simpson. I love that the bond can never be broken.

[A]

I would love Comedy Bang Bang to always be associated with you, O.J.

[B]

And I would love for it to be myself. My man. I'm just saying, you take care.

[A]

Okay, but before we take care, I want to thank. What's the parody of Joe?

[D]

Roger Piculia.

[A]

Roger.

[C]

Roger Piculio.

[A]

All right, thanks, everyone. We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.

[D]

And cut. We got it. That's a wrap. Calling all fun lovers and memory makers, Texas invites you to cheer from our stadiums and dance like no one is watching. Culture seekers can find the art that truly inspires.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

And from our shopping hubs to our chic boutiques, fashionistas will never leave empty handed.

[A]

Texas is an unforgettable experience that's waiting just for you. Visit traveltexas.com and plan your trip today. Let's Texas.

[D]

Hi, I'm Jenny Slate, and believe it.

[A]

Or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast. I'm Gabe Leadman. I'm Max Silvestri, and we've been friends for 20 years. And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives. It's called I need to. You guys, Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

[E]

Can I drink the water at the hospital?

[A]

My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop.

[E]

You should make sure that you subscribe.

[A]

So that you never miss an episode.

[B]

I need you guys.

[E]

Did you know 39% of teen drivers.

[A]

Admit to texting while driving? Even scarier, those who text are more.

[E]

Likely to speed and run red light lights. Shockingly, 94% know it's dangerous, but do it anyway. As a parent, you can't always be in the car, but you can stay connected to their safety with Greenlight Infinity's driving reports.

[A]

Monitor their driving habits, see if they're.

[E]

Using their phone, speeding, and more. These reports provide real data for meaningful conversations about safety. Plus, with weekly updates, you can track their progress over time, help keep your teens safe. Sign up for Greenlight [e-mail] podcast.