Bonus Bang: Jason Mantzoukas, Mary Holland, Tim Baltz (Teenage Dirtbag)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast – Bonus Bang Episode Episode: Bonus Bang: Jason Mantzoukas, Mary Holland, Tim Baltz (Teenage Dirtbag)
Release Date: May 29, 2025

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Overview

In this special "Bonus Bang" episode of Comedy Bang Bang, host Scott Aukerman revisits the beloved "Teenage Dirtbags" series, bringing back fan-favorite characters and introducing new comedic elements. Featuring Jason Mantzoukas, Mary Holland, and Tim Baltz, the episode delves into high school politics, impromptu role-playing, and humorous improvisations that showcase the show's signature blend of celebrity interviews and eccentric character interactions.

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Featuring Guests

• Jason Mantzoukas – Actor known for his roles in The Righteous Gemstones and The Dictator.
• Mary Holland – Portrays Jennifer Spot, a high school student running for student body president.
• Tim Baltz – Guest appearing as Jason Turley, an adult coloring book maker.

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Key Segments and Discussions

1. Introduction and Reintroduction of Characters

Timestamp: [03:29]
Scott Aukerman kicks off the episode by reintroducing the "Teenage Dirtbags" series, focusing on Jennifer Spot (Mary Holland), an 18-year-old student body president candidate at Hindenburg High School. The conversation sets the stage for a mix of scripted segments and spontaneous comedic moments.

Notable Quote:
Scott Aukerman: "Jennifer Spot is a high school student running for student body president at Hindenburg High School and she has a really interesting platform which we're going to hear about."

2. Discussion About Jason Mantzoukas and Upcoming Movie "The House"

Timestamp: [06:37] - [11:20]
Jason Mantzoukas discusses his role in the upcoming film The House, sharing insights about working alongside comedic heavyweights like Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler. The conversation highlights the improvisational aspects of the movie and Mantzoukas's experiences during the premiere.

Notable Quotes:
Jason Mantzoukas: "This is a hard R movie. This is a hard army."
Scott Aukerman: "I didn't know what to expect. When they informed me it was a movie, I was pleasantly surprised."

3. High School Election Role-Play with Jennifer Spot

Timestamp: [26:14] - [50:12]
Mary Holland, as Jennifer Spot, engages in a humorous and exaggerated campaign pitch for student body president. The segment parodies high school elections, complete with over-the-top policies like eliminating lunch lines and canceling the football team. The interplay between Scott, Jason, and Mary amplifies the comedic effect, blending satire with character-driven humor.

Notable Quotes:
Mary Holland: "No more lunch lines. Done with them."
Scott Aukerman: "What is football and why are we doing it?"

4. Introduction and Role-Play with Tim Baltz as Jason Turley

Timestamp: [55:50] - [84:35]
Tim Baltz joins the conversation as Jason Turley, an adult coloring book creator. The segment includes a mock phone call scenario where Tim showcases his unique approach to adult coloring books, emphasizing the therapeutic aspects and intricate designs. The improvisational dialogue continues to build on the show's comedic foundation.

Notable Quotes:
Tim Baltz: "An adult coloring book is a great way to reduce anxiety in an adult's life."
Jason Mantzoukas: "Your animal is a bullfrog."

5. Chaos and Comedic Confrontations

Timestamp: [84:35] - [93:53]
As the episode progresses, the interactions between guests become increasingly chaotic and absurd. From exaggerated combustion of lasagna to bizarre accusations and over-the-top character developments, the segment exemplifies the show's penchant for unpredictable and high-energy humor.

Notable Quotes:
Mary Holland: "Donjamin Queef gets a marmot."
Jason Mantzoukas: "You just got James Mantzoukas, you have the House, the house above the title in theaters."

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Concluding Remarks

Scott Aukerman wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to attend the premiere of The House on June 30th, while simultaneously navigating the comedic mayhem that ensues during the show's final moments. The blend of celebrity banter, character improvisation, and satirical high school politics offers a rich and entertaining experience for fans and newcomers alike.

Notable Closing Quote:
Scott Aukerman: "Please come back and let us talk to you again."

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Takeaways

• Humorous Satire: The episode masterfully parodies high school elections, celebrity interactions, and movie promotions, delivering laughs through exaggerated scenarios.
• Engaging Performances: Jason Mantzoukas, Mary Holland, and Tim Baltz showcase their comedic talents, enhancing the show's dynamic.
• Improvisational Excellence: The seamless transitions between scripted and spontaneous comedy highlight Comedy Bang Bang's strength in improvisational humor.

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This episode serves as a testament to Comedy Bang Bang's enduring legacy in blending celebrity interviews with eclectic character-driven comedy, ensuring its place as a beloved staple in the podcasting world.

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

Boy, sticker shock, huh? You know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about prices. They're going up, up, up up up at the gas pump, the grocery store, rent. But you know what? At Metro they got your back. They actually have lowered their prices and they're giving you a five year price guarantee on talk, text and data. One line now 20% lower. Family plans also lowered. Oh get this. You get a free free 5G phone all with no ID required, no activation fees. So stop by your neighborhood Metro store, visit metrobyt-mobile.com or call to find out about their amazing offers. Bring your number not available if currently at T Mobile or with Metro in the past 180 days. Guarantee covers monthly price of on network, Talk, text and 5G data for customers activating on an eligible plan. Exclusions apply Details at Metro by T Dash Mobile this episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Progressive where drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average. Plus auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Quote [e-mail] to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates national average 12 month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential vary discounts not available in all states and situations hey everyone, this is Scott Aukerman and welcome to another Bonus Bang where we re release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from Behind the Paywall. This week we are continuing with our Teenage Dirtbags series featuring some of the fun teenage characters we've had on the show and this week it is Jennifer Spot played by Mary Holland. Jennifer Spot is a high school student running for student Body president at Hindenburg High School and she has a really interesting platform which we're going to hear about. This episode was titled who CB Beefed. Originally released on June 29, 2017. It also features Jason Mantcas and Tim Baltz, who you may know from the righteous gemstones as Jason Turley, an adult Coloring Book maker. Adult Coloring Bookmaker okay, well if you enjoyed this episode and you want to hear the other episodes featuring Jennifer Spot, become a [e-mail] we have all of the past episodes all in the archives. Plus we have every live show we've ever done ad free new episodes, bonus shows like CBB Presents and Scott hasn't seen so much stuff over there. We're gonna be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But until then, enjoy this bonus bang. I hope My final words are avoid the noid. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I hope they are too. You're hoping my final words are soon spoken to me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, are you gonna have your hands around my neck?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Perhaps.

[Scott Aukerman]

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Tom Lucky for that lucky catchphrase submission.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Boo.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't like wordplay already? Now you're not gonna be a critic of the show. No gauging. You're not gonna assign letter grades. You're just gonna boo. It's pass fail with you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It is.

[Scott Aukerman]

It really is.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way, y.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a bonus episode. Special emergency bonus.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Can I do that?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, we don't do that. Am I allowed to do. No, you're not allowed to do that. I'm one person only.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm not allowed to do that.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, sir.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

My apologies to the person who owns that catchphrase.

[Scott Aukerman]

If on Monday's episode. We were balls deep in June.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now we've stuck the balls directly inside the vagina in June because we're at.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The very end of the month, we're just cramming those balls right on in there.

[Scott Aukerman]

We are indeed. Because.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Just shoving them in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Special emergency session.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

This may be the first time spoken today. Are you wasted? I went to your premiere last night and I got fucked up.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, bro.

[Scott Aukerman]

Special emergency session of Comedy Bang Bang. I'm Scott Aukerman, your host, and we have a very special guest across the pond from me, if this table is a pond.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jason Manzouka, star. And above the title. I was surprised to see this, at least of the one poster.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, oh, oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

The one poster I saw.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Above the title for the upcoming movie out this Friday, the House. Jason Manzoukas is here. Hello, Scotty J Dog.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How are you, my friend?

[Scott Aukerman]

I am. Don't worry about it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I haven't seen that poster. I have to see that poster.

[Scott Aukerman]

Coolop took a picture of it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, good. Have her send it to me. My future wife, Coolop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. You're holding stacks of money.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Amy is holding cards.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Great.

[Scott Aukerman]

And Will.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We're on message. We're on message.

[Scott Aukerman]

Will had nothing to hold. I don't know.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Nope, nope.

[Scott Aukerman]

There was no other plot point.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Not a lot of people know this, but Will Ferrell doesn't hold things in pictures.

[Scott Aukerman]

He doesn't?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Nope. It really makes him uncomfortable.

[Scott Aukerman]

And now that I'm thinking about it every single time I've seen a movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Of his, you'll never see him holding anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's never held anything.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And a lot of Times he's framed so that his hands are below screen, below the camera.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why is that?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You know, what do they not want to ask him?

[Scott Aukerman]

Some sort of Bob Dole situation.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Ask him in his weird hand thing that. By the way, don't ask him about it, though, okay? Don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm thinking about the Elf. He never held a candy cane.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Never held anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

He hold candy canes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Never held anything in Elf.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's so strange.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And a lot of times if you see him holding something, it's like a hand reaching from below frame that you assume sort of like the assume is.

[Scott Aukerman]

His sort of like Marty McFly's back to the Future hand that disappeared.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Totally. He has one of those hand guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

Eddie Murphy has a total body double.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Total body double.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anything other than the close up correct is another guy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

But Will has a hand guy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hand guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now I have a hand guy myself. So it's a totally different thing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What is it?

[Scott Aukerman]

He gives me hand jobs. Jason. Great jobs are on the rise, by the way.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Ever since Trump got into office, Employment is going great. Those jobs now are really great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jason, let's talk about the house. Because as far as I know, this is your first film since the Dictator.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And two movies, one Career.

[Scott Aukerman]

I saw this last night. You were kind enough to invite me to the premiere.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Of course, as one of my dearest friends. I would have been heartbroken if you hadn't come.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you really?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Of course. I would have cried. I would have wept.

[Scott Aukerman]

This was your big night.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I would have sat on one of those weird leather sofas at the party and just wept.

[Scott Aukerman]

That would have been so sad. I'm so glad I came. I had no idea that any of that was going on. I just casually said, oh, yeah, I may as well go.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Exactly. Class. Story of our relationship.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was at the premiere of this film last night, and I have to say.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Great.

[Scott Aukerman]

I didn't know what to expect.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep. Were you expecting a movie?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I was not.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So you really.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought I was gonna say you had no idea?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You had no idea what to expect?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, absolutely not. When they informed me it was a movie, I was pleasantly surprised. I am a casual acquaintance to film.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

And all I had seen were the posters.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

And most of the posters do not feature you on.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Correct.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I saw this film last night and I. And Coolop and the rest of the audience. Total delight. The entire film.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Incredibly funny. This is a rave, you know. What?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, I mean, right now. This is A rave. I'm on ecstasy. Y' all ready for this?

[Scott Aukerman]

A lot of times I have people on the show and they're plugging their projects and I don't really like the thing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what I mean? I got three, uh. Oh. And so I was a little fearful seeing this last night because I knew you were gonna be on the show today. And what if I didn't like it? What if it was a tepid kind of thing? Although, you know, you and I are used to.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And you couldn't do that thing and be like, oh, I wasn't able to see it, you know. Oh, I could. They sent me a link, but it didn't work. No, you would know. I would know.

[Scott Aukerman]

This actually happened. Christian Brune invited me to a film of his, and I had just gotten back from some sort of trip, and literally three minutes in, I started having the worst stomach problems. And I'm sitting near him.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

And five minutes in, I walked out.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Of the film to go shit your brains out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And had to give him, like. And it was so bad that I couldn't just, like, go shit in the.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Bathroom and come back.

[Scott Aukerman]

And come back. It was so bad. I had. This had to be a specialty tour.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That was the kind of shit that requires a shower afterwards.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it just sounds like such a weak excuse. Excuse of like, oh, I had.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

My tummy was grumpy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Five minutes in, I decided I had.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

A bad case of the grumbles.

[Scott Aukerman]

But it was entirely true. If he's listening to this, and let's be honest, we know he is.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hello, Christian.

[Scott Aukerman]

But no, your film, the funniest film of the year, is so good. It's. And it's got all of our friends in it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It really does.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's got Lennon. It's got Jess Yubel. Randall Park. Yeah. Hugo part.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's got everybody.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's Andrea Savage. There's like. There's like a lot of Rory Scoville, Kyle Kanane.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like, it's incredible.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

They did a very good job, I will say, hiring all people we know, which I was very excited about.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the script is really, really funny. It's kind of a return to form for Will Ferrell and Amy, in a way of like. I don't even know if I've seen Amy do an R rated film like this.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't know that you have.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just remember her in, like, PG films for the.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, no. This is like a hard arm.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a hard R movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is a hard army It's a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lot like Will Ferrell. It's. It's tonally kind of like old school in a way. It's kind of like him doing those.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's like basically them going off the rails.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, what if your suburban parents, like, lost their fucking minds?

[Scott Aukerman]

Great script, great direction. Seems like there was improv, although, I don't know.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, no, there was a lot of improv.

[Scott Aukerman]

Too much.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I did not envy the people who had to cut that movie, really, because there was hundreds of hours of sleep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Good old Snippy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep. Oh, yeah. Do you know him? Snippy McChoppers? No, it's Snippy McAdvid.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel like this film is a lot like a plane that's trying to bomb another country. It's flying under the radar.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, boy. In these times. In these times, that's where you're gonna go. Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Pretty tone deaf.

[Scott Aukerman]

What? I'm worried about it, obviously. Baby driver this week is getting the old cbd.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Great movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Great movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love every minute of it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Already seen it once only, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I feel as if the house is getting short shrift, and I want people to know about it. I want people to consider Jason Mantzoukas as a movie star. Now, his name is above the title.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hooray.

[Scott Aukerman]

That means he is one of the three stars of this movie. And I want people to go see it. And I think fans of this show would really, really like it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You are just a delight. Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, my pleasure. You must be very proud of yourself. You're a big boy now.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. No. And you let me sit in the big chair.

[Scott Aukerman]

I did.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It was very exciting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Usually you're at the kids table.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You told me I look at you today. No, it's been pretty weird. You know, I'll be honest. It's like I've never been this version of involved in something this big. It's pretty bananas.

[Scott Aukerman]

Usually a Jason Mandoukas is the kind of guy you call when you have.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, two scenes that you want him to be real gross in and probably be wearing just underwear. That is. I'm pretty good at that. But no, this was, like, something I was like, oh, wait, I have to, like, actually play a character who starts off in one place and ends in another and have, like, an emotional journey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you have an acting coach?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes, of course I had an acting coach.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course. Who is this?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Of course I had an acting coach. I've been studying acting for many, many years with Jeff Goldblum. Really? He's just one of the greats.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was on the show recently. About a week ago. Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I wish he was my acting coach, but he is a delightful man. But no, I didn't work with an acting coach because mostly I just improvise and be goofy. So there's that. I like, do fake tears.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is it? Fake tears?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. What looks like fake crying?

[Scott Aukerman]

What is it like being in scenes with Will and Amy? That must be a dream come true. They're two of comedy's greatest stars.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is this a junket? This is a junket.

[Scott Aukerman]

As a matter of fact, the junket started right now.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wait, are you being paid to do this interview?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, but really, listen, I think comedy fans and. And look, let's be honest. People listening to the show are comedy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

People that listen to this show. Be honest. Sure, let's be honest.

[Scott Aukerman]

I can't tell.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Do you think the people that listen to this show are fans of comedy?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think it's fans of. They have a morbid curiosity of what's going on right here. But I also believe this truly is the show where we speak to interesting people.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

And so I think that that's a lot. That's. Maybe 90% of our listeners like to hear about the interesting people with whom we speak.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, that's. You know what? You're probably right.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I do also believe comedy fans will be interested. What is it like? I mean, in a junket, you're gonna give a one sentence answer. What is it like showing up on the day. Had you ever improvised with Will Ferrell before? You know, Amy? You've done Ass Cat with her, obviously.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, no, I've known Amy for, like, you know, going back to UCB New York, you know, late 90s, I believe.

[Scott Aukerman]

When I met you, you both were in the show that I. Exactly.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You did monologues at. Exactly. In New York. So I know Amy and have been improvising with Amy for. Yeah, like, 16 years.

[Scott Aukerman]

So then it's old news when you get to the sets. Like, oh, hey.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I will say, like, partially what makes this movie very fun is the familiarity that almost everybody has with each other. Like, you know, I might not have improvised with Will before, but Amy had, and I know Will. And so everybody immediately slipped into just very easy bit.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just bit city the minute you get to city.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Poking at each other and trying to make, like aggressively trying to make people break.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Trying. Trying. Trying to ruin takes. Trying to ruin takes.

[Scott Aukerman]

There is such a funny outtake, by the way, the very last one during the credits, which.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What is it?

[Scott Aukerman]

In the garage with the three of you, with Will. I don't want to give it away, but Amy is laughing immediately, and it's so funny. I wish it had made the film. I wish she hadn't been laughing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We could. And that went. That kept. I wish they hadn't cut even the blooper short because it's such a longer thing that keeps trying. We keep trying to restart again and keep going with it, and it just will not work.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would love to see the uninterrupted take.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I would, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Could you send that to me?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Put it out. We're calling for Warner Brothers to put that unedited blooper out in its entirety. What are you afraid of Warner Brothers?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this picture the Brothers Warner?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes, it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? How is it working for them?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You know what? You know, they're the greatest, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you go to the WB lot a lot?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Every day, yeah, Every day. I drove onto that lot.

[Scott Aukerman]

The old Dubba Dubba Gate four, baby. Is that where he was shot? Yeah. Really?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep. We shot it in a big, giant studio. We shot the very. We had to switch studios very dramatically.

[Scott Aukerman]

What happened?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, no, we didn't switch. They just changed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Someone fart.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Someone farted, and everybody couldn't handle it. And everybody kept being like, who beefed? Remember when you used to say, who beefed?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How come we don't say that anymore?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, let's get it back going, huh?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, let's get who Beefed? Going again. The name of this episode. Who Beefed?

[Scott Aukerman]

Who Beefed?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep. Who Beefed?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that a shirt? Who Beefed?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. Although I bet it's a shirt that exists.

[Scott Aukerman]

I bet that probably exists already. I bet that. Although not with a CBB logo on it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Who's CB beefed?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, who CBB'd? There we go. There's the title. Name above the title.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And now we can just cush. And that's it for this episode of Comedy Bang Bang.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jason Manzoukas in who CB Beefed?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think the show should always end when the titular line is discovered.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? So we're just gonna end it here?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep, that's it for this episode.

[Scott Aukerman]

That would be interesting if they just stopped cold. Some of them were two minutes long. Some of them.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And now we're going to plugs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Jason, congratulations. This is very exciting for you. I was very excited for you when you got the dictator, and obviously that didn't work out quite the way that everyone wanted it to work out, but, you know, this is even more exciting, and I Want everyone to see this.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, gotta get those digs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Gotta get the digs. Gotta get em.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Gotta get em.

[Scott Aukerman]

Gotta get em.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Get those digs, baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, it's really great. I implore everyone to go see it this weekend because this.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Thank you. By the way, I will say this. Thank you so much for holding your explosive diarrhea in during this movie. I know that it interrupts a lot of movie viewing for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

When I found out this was a movie, it was bad news because I had a good 90 minutes of explosive diarrhea in my future.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And it only had like a good 3 cups of black coffee and a spoonful of rancid mayonnaise.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was all. That's all I had to eat today. Well, congratulations. We're gonna take a little break. Cause I like breaks.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the show where we speak with interesting people or where we talk to interesting people. Is that the tagline?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What do you want it to be?

[Scott Aukerman]

The show where we talk to interesting people.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's very interesting. And then we take breaks and sell them. Nonsense.

[Scott Aukerman]

So we're gonna take one of those breaks. When we come back, we're gonna have one of those interesting people we have coming up a little later. Have an artist. And after this break on the other side, we'll have a politician that's. In these times. That's very exciting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You know what? I'm thrilled to get into it.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are the issues you have right now?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You know, the same as everybody. You know, jobs, the economy, health care.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You know, horse rights, all of these things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Horse rights. I haven't heard that. That's. That's unfamiliar to me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep. See, and that's part of the problem.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rights that horses have.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What rights do you believe horses should have?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

All the same rights that you and I have.

[Scott Aukerman]

Meaning the right to vote.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

The right to.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Why shouldn't horses be allowed to vote? Give me an honest answer. Why they shouldn't.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, they don't know English. That's one thing. Oh, well.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wow. Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Oh, no, no, that's not what I meant. There it is.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

There it is, listener.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no, there's that. Let me backtrack. Let me backtrack. Look, look, let's take a break. I'll think about what I want to say about horses when we come back. We'll have more comedy Bang, bang after this. Hero Forge offers fully customizable tabletop miniatures with dozens of fantasy species and thousands of parts to choose from, all within your browser. Hero Forge also offers downloadable model files for you to 3D print your unique designs at home and they're constantly expanding their catalog of customization options. Visit Heroforged.com to start designing your custom miniature today and check back often. New content is added every single week. Use the code Bang Bang at checkout for 10% off orders on physical miniatures. Some restrictions apply, not combinable with any other sale or promotion. This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace gives you everything you need, need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Here's what it is. You create a stunning online presence with Squarespace where you can easily showcase your services. Whether it's, I don't know, consultations, maybe events, experiences, all on a fully customizable website. Just enjoy yourself customizing this thing. You're going to love it. It attracts clients and it helps grow your business. Squarespace's cutting edge design tools make it simple for anyone to build a bespoke website that aligns perfectly with their brand. Here's how you start. You start with Blueprint AI, their AI AI AI AI powered website builder and create a fully personalized site in just a few steps. Oh, this sounds so futuristic and exciting. Squarespace also helps streamline your entire workflow with built in tools for appointment scheduling, email marketing and professional invoicing. Plus get paid on time with branded invoices and seamless online payments. Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Adam Pally here and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at how health and wellness with our new show Staying Alive.

[Tim Baltz]

We'll have guests like our friend actor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jerry O' Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Scheer, Ego Wodo, Gillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle, staying alive with John Gabrison Adam Pally is out right now.

[Tim Baltz]

Get them a week early and ad.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang Jason Mantzoukas J Dog in the House, Scotty Ox and.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We need a sub soundboard. We do meaningless drops and all that stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you mean just drops of your actual voice saying the things that you've always said?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Just saying my patented catchphrases.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you got?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Let's Hang on, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Henong man.

[Tim Baltz]

Of course.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We haven't even Heinong manned.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have not, by the way, you just did to me. Have you been. You texted me recently and said you've been getting a lot of hae nong man. Uh huh. Very good. We've talked about the pluralization. Is it haenong men? Have you been getting a lot of Heinong men or Henong men?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was just in New York City and I got a ton of it. Somebody screamed it at me from a moving car, like, very aggressively, to the point where I thought I was about to be murdered by a fan. But it was urgent and loud and well above the din of New York City.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. It was a good one.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was a great one.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And I try and give. It's one of the only things I will try and engage every single person who says, hey, nong man to me. I will return Heinong man. But the number of people who scream, hey, Rafi Rafi.

[Scott Aukerman]

You just ignore Walker. But you know, if it's a hainong man, it's a very special type of person.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, it's a real weird nerd. You weird nerds. You get it?

[Scott Aukerman]

You get it, get it. I mean, you've built your whole career on weird nerds.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, categorically, yes. Oh, yeah, it was just. Oh, and the Del Close Improv Festival. Del Close marathon, rather, at UCB was this past weekend. And a lot of Hae Nang Man. Yeah, that's a lot of comedy. Bang, bang, bang.

[Scott Aukerman]

What shows did you do? Before we get to our next guest, what shows did you do?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I did Manzoukas Brothers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's right. Who's that with?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's usually with Ed Herpstman, but this time it was with Tammy Sager because Ed Hertzman could not make it due to volunteer fireman duties.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

Doesn't that mean that he cannot go to it if he's a volunteer?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, he had, like, something to go do for the volunteer fire.

[Scott Aukerman]

Meaning something got set on fire?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, no, it was like. It was. I don't know, it was like a test or something. It was like a training. Training. Because our show was in the afternoon, so it was like a training day. Testing day.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have to take tests to become a volunteer fireman.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's like you told me this crazy story where they have to do an obstacle course, like an intense obstacle course in all the gear, in the tanks and all of it, and you have to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you on fire?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, but part of the Obstacle course is you have to find your way into. You have to find holes of escape and get through them while your mask is totally blacked out to simulate smoke, giving you zero visibility. It sounded terrifying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who would do this?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

My very dear friend, just to be a volunteer?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I would do that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

To get paid to be a hero.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. I would do that for May. I would do it for six figures, definitely. Like mid six figures.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Mid six.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

550.

[Scott Aukerman]

550 is what I would do it for.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Five hundred and fifty.

[Scott Aukerman]

You would do.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You would do. You would do the job of a volunteer fireman or you would do the test?

[Scott Aukerman]

I would just do the test. You would do the test. There would be an option for another six figures.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Do you think? At what point, at what financial. What number do you become brave?

[Scott Aukerman]

What number gets me to brave? Yes. Okay. Do I have the money I have now?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, sorry. Yes, I have the money I have now. Yes. No amount of money?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No amount of money?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I'm good.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're just like. You're just stewing in cowardice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'm fine.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm fine.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, we need to get to our next guest. This is the show where we speak to interesting or talk to interesting people. That's more catchy, right?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think so.

[Scott Aukerman]

The show where we talk to interesting people. I'm gonna see that on billboards.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How about that show?

[Scott Aukerman]

That show, like that 70s show?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That 70s show where we talk to interesting people in the 2000 teens.

[Scott Aukerman]

The show where we talk the show where we talk to interesting people.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The show wherein words are not making sense anymore. The show wherein interesting people are spoken to by us.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not bad. All right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That seems cleaner.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's definitely cleaner.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's cleaner than what you do.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's like Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Clean. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

The clean Mr. Wolf, let's get to our next guest. This is very exciting. In these troubled times, we need to have people out there who are representing our interests. And this person is undoubtedly one of those. She is a politician. Please welcome Jennifer Spot. Hello, Jennifer.

[Mary Holland]

Hi, I'm Jennifer Spot. I'm a two time senior and a big time winner. I wash my hair with olive oil and I never think twice. Vote for me, the future is ours.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's. I must say to our listeners. You say two time senior. You're not an elderly woman.

[Mary Holland]

Oh, no, no. I'm a two time high school senior.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you look to be a young girl to me.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, yeah, I'm 18.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Don't be weird. Don't be weird about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, like, judging people's ages is weird?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Now, here's what you just did. You look to be a young girl to me.

[Mary Holland]

I am young.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, no, I know, but, like, barely legal. Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, how barely.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How barely?

[Mary Holland]

One month.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Whoa. Congratulations. Congratulations.

[Mary Holland]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're just gonna be saying it in 11.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the cutoff for saying Happy Birthday even when someone just had a birthday?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, especially if it's as momentous as 18 or 21 or 30. I say six weeks.

[Mary Holland]

You can. You can keep saying it to me my whole life if you want to.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Happy birthday. What did you do for. For your birthday?

[Mary Holland]

Oh, I didn't do anything. You see, I'm involved in about 13 extracurricular activities.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Mary Holland]

It's part of my goal of being the most involved student at Hinderberg High School.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hinderberg.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hinderberg.

[Scott Aukerman]

Haven't heard of that one.

[Mary Holland]

Hinderberg.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it's not like the Hindenburg?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like Hindenburg, no.

[Mary Holland]

But it's weird. Our mascot is a Blair.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it Hindaberg.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hindaberg.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's an Hindaburg.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are you guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, we have another title. Are you kidding? Jason Mantzoukas is Inderburg. It's like in the house, in a way, but in the city.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's like in the club. In the Burg. It's like a Swedish hip hop dance movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, enough. I heard that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hindenburg.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's talk to Jennifer here.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. Good. 13 activities.

[Mary Holland]

So, yes, at Hindenburg High School, which, you know, it is weird. Our mascot is a blimp, but we do really well.

[Scott Aukerman]

But the mascot is a blimp. But it's called Hinderberg, right?

[Mary Holland]

That's right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is that because there was a mistake or was there? You couldn't call it Hindenburg.

[Mary Holland]

I don't know. The school was founded in 1819.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's an old school for California. Yeah. By whom? By prospectors and Indians.

[Mary Holland]

We don't know. Who are we?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't know that we say Indians do.

[Scott Aukerman]

We don't say that anymore.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't think so. I think we're meant.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, Cleveland does.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I understand for you. Non English speakers are all meant to be derided, but I think we're supposed to say Native Americans.

[Mary Holland]

Explorers and adventurers. That's what we've heard. That's what we've been told.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Founded your high school.

[Mary Holland]

Mm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was it like a one room schoolhouse kind of situation that expanded or.

[Mary Holland]

I don't know. Right now it's a building with 18 floors. 18 floors and 25 houses.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wait, what? 25 houses housed within the floors?

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, or on the property. It's like a community.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it's like a city almost.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, it's a community.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How many students in this high school there are?

[Mary Holland]

22,000. Oh, it's a big school.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This sounds like a college, like a university almost.

[Mary Holland]

It is almost. And that's why it's such a hard task running for student body president. You know, it's really competitive. There's a lot of people in the field.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I mean, you have a 1 in 22,000 chance. Unless that's, I guess, four different grades running. Yeah, and there'd be freshmen. Soviet. So four into 22,000 is approximately 5,000 and something. So you have a one in 5,000 chance. Let's just say.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Remember she's a two time senior, so maybe math is not her strongest.

[Mary Holland]

That's exactly right. I have an issue with math and that's why I haven't been able to complete my senior year.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? Let's test you out a little bit. A squared plus B squared equals.

[Mary Holland]

Okay. A squared plus B squared equals. Well, you carry the troll and you times the dreams.

[Scott Aukerman]

Troll.

[Mary Holland]

And no one times the dreams and you envelope it all in a little squash.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And then this is that new math.

[Mary Holland]

You get a honey bear.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Honey bear. I mean, by the way, thank you for showing your work.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, and it's just as ridiculous as C squared when you think about it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It all just more math included. Envelopes, honey bears, dreams, Scoops. Scoops.

[Mary Holland]

See, that's the issue. I turn numbers into words when I do math problems.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's interesting. So you know how a lot of people, they feel colors or they.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Synesthesia.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, synesthesia, Exactly. You turn numbers into words.

[Mary Holland]

That's right, exactly.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And it's just for sake of argument, just I'm curious, like, what is the square root of 81?

[Mary Holland]

Square root of 81. Well, you push the blaze and you make the squirrels eat. And then. Oh, but don't forget, don't forget you have to subtract the oranges. And then everybody's there and it's a hat.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a hat. Which might be nine.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It could be, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So really we just need to figure out the translation of each of your words.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like a code almost.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is. Yeah. It's kind of like we're that guy who was chemically castrated. Who was that guy in World War II? You know, touring.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep, yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're trying to figure out the code.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep. We got there.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know the best kind of castration?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep. The chemical kind.

[Scott Aukerman]

You gotta be castrated.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You gotta go chemical.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go chemical.

[Mary Holland]

Well, I would love for you to tell that to my men. He refuses to pass me. Mr. Hummingbird is a stick in the mud.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, now, is Hummingbird. Is his name a number?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

His name.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is he Mr. 4? Is it actually Hummingbird?

[Mary Holland]

It's the number 36, but I pronounce it Mr. Hummingbird.

[Scott Aukerman]

Interesting.

[Mary Holland]

It is weird though, that his Last name is 36. He worked for the CIA.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is he up on that wall I've heard about?

[Mary Holland]

Mm hmm. He is.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think that just might be dead people. Unless they painted a mural of their favorite CIA.

[Mary Holland]

Well, we have murals all over the place.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is that something you're in favor of, as somebody who's running for class president? Are you in favor of.

[Mary Holland]

Absolutely. The future of our children in America is all about artists. And you have to dream if you want to live. And no one is going to give them a chance if they don't have the money or the funds. So you got to get the funds. Artistry is so important. That's why all half of the extracurricular activities I'm involved in, I am involved in painting with colors.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Painting with colors?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's hard to paint black and white.

[Mary Holland]

Well, I'm also involved in a painting sepia tone color class. And then also don't forget, there's not enough rainbows out there. So I'm involved in a class that paints rainbows everywhere.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this the gay studies class?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're trying to get more rainbows out there?

[Mary Holland]

Yes, because rainbows unite us all in love and hope and dreams and wishes and no one can believe it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're like a very passionate speaker. And when you're talking like this, just for the listener's sake, your body is like. It's almost choreographed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't say it like that. By the way, your body is your body.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're young. You're young. You're almost barely legal bodies.

[Mary Holland]

One month as an adult.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please don't put your finger next to your mouth like that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Don't do that. Please don't.

[Mary Holland]

Yum. My finger tastes like cherries.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Have you been fingering cherries?

[Mary Holland]

No, I put on cherry lip balm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So your lips taste like it too.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, exactly. Anyway, it's important to be a good orator as a politician. I learned that from everyone. George Washington, Francis Bacon.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The famous politician Francis Bacon. Sure.

[Mary Holland]

Carl, Matt, and of course, Winston Churchill.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Of course.

[Mary Holland]

Great man the great Winnie Church Cloud Debussy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay.

[Mary Holland]

Sarah Silverman.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

All wonderful politicians, great orators.

[Mary Holland]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what is your platform? What do you.

[Mary Holland]

Okay, these are the basic tenets of my platform. No more lunch lines. Done with them.

[Scott Aukerman]

So let's break this down. How are people gonna get their lunch?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, is it like a lunch riot? I don't mean to challenge you on. I just mean, is it.

[Mary Holland]

I'm not good at debates.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, it's not a debate. It's just clarification on your position.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'm not gonna try to shoot down your debates.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. So just how would a lunch without lunch lines, how would it work?

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's pretend you. It's lunchtime. It's just about lunchtime. Okay, so the bell's just about to ring for lunch.

[Mary Holland]

Uh oh, did I pack a lunch or am I gonna buy today?

[Scott Aukerman]

You have to buy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You have to buy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mary Holland]

Okay, everybody, everybody organize. Everybody goes out.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Everybody. Meaning 22,000 people?

[Mary Holland]

Yes, everybody is assigned a different lunchtime. So my lunch. Lunchtime would be troll, wallet, flap, glass.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mary Holland]

And that's when I go to get. And then someone.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm already foreseeing a lot of trouble.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Are these lunchtimes spread out throughout the day?

[Mary Holland]

So somebody's lunchtime will be as soon as they arrive in the morning.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. And someone might be 11:30 at night.

[Mary Holland]

Exactly.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh wait, are they individual lunch times?

[Mary Holland]

Yes, yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

22,000. No lunch. There's no line because each person gets one lunchtime. That's 22,000 people.

[Scott Aukerman]

You'd have to break them up by the second as well.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How long is lunch?

[Mary Holland]

Uh huh. I mean, you know, not long. You get it and then you go, here's the thing. You can eat it in class. So you can bring it back to class this year.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, I would think there would be a lot of coming and going from classes with people with food.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, Nothing would get done. But no lines.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay. By the way, that you did it.

[Scott Aukerman]

If I were in school and heard nothing is gonna get done and there's no lunch lines, I. Yeah, it doesn't sound too bad. Great.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

See, that was terrific, Jennifer.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, what else do you have?

[Mary Holland]

Cancel the football team.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cancel?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Do you think the football team is a TV show?

[Scott Aukerman]

Not disbanded, are they, they're not being.

[Mary Holland]

Renewed for a second season? No. I don't think the football team does anything for us. What do they do? What is football and why are we doing it?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wait, are these real questions?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Boy, we're not good at debate either.

[Mary Holland]

I'm not Good at debate.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Football is. Is. You know, football is obviously a sport.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a pastime that people enjoy watching because of the competitive nature of it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But also, it gives, you know, schools a team to root for in rivalries.

[Mary Holland]

What does it do for the economy or the future of our children?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, they raise money by getting people to pay for the games.

[Mary Holland]

No, they don't. No.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Very angry football team is.

[Mary Holland]

Football team is not real or relevant. It's not. No one is doing it. It's an institution based on the. You know, based on the possession of women as property. And it has nothing to do with our current political state or what we want to accomplish as a school or as a student body.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jennifer, can I ask you a question? Have you ever dated a football player?

[Mary Holland]

No. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that where this is coming from?

[Mary Holland]

I don't know. It has nothing to do with him. My thoughts are my own, and everything is independent.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, but what is this person's name?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Kah.

[Mary Holland]

Kyle.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kyle. Kyle break up with you?

[Mary Holland]

Kyle Blarff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kyle Blarf.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Kyle Blarf.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, he sounds like a real Blarf.

[Mary Holland]

I don't care. It doesn't matter anyway. He's just a. Doesn't matter.

[Scott Aukerman]

What position did he play?

[Mary Holland]

Quarterback.

[Scott Aukerman]

What was his number on his jersey?

[Mary Holland]

Farts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Farts? Well, let's see. So far. Hold on.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Farts is what the back of his shirt says.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the way, if we're cracking the code, usually the quarterback is within the first nine digits because they have a single number. So farts must be one through nine.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. Must represent one through nine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Interesting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's not necessarily. Oh, I guess that's right. I see what you're saying.

[Tim Baltz]

Got it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep. Okay. Interesting. Interesting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the end of this, we're gonna have a codex that we're gonna send to the audience.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mr. 36.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We're gonna send to the audience so they'll understand everything.

[Scott Aukerman]

So Kyle plays in football and.

[Mary Holland]

He does. And we went to the prom together. Junior prom, two years ago.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, so he's not even in school anymore?

[Mary Holland]

No, no. He graduated. He's good at math. But when he graduated, he broke up with me because he said I didn't get it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, I mean, what didn't you get?

[Mary Holland]

Your diplomatic or. My diploma.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, I see.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Well, it's hard. He's going to college, and you're still.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's a hard relationship to keep going if you're both, you know, not going to college or you're both not.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's gonna be around those college girls. You know.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, you just blurfed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, is that a number? Oh, my gosh.

[Mary Holland]

It just really upset me. I don't know, just thinking about it. I haven't thought about him a lot, but it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Does that happen to you a lot when you get upset? You kind of spit up like that.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay. That's okay.

[Mary Holland]

That's why I. Barely legal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, God. Yeah. The vomit is in the corners of your mouth.

[Mary Holland]

You're vomiting the baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, I mean, you guys must have just broken up, because it's June, and you must be going back to.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is her. This is her second.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, she's going. But, I mean, we're in summer.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're going now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You're going back to school in September. So, you guys.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So even if you were successful in. I will say this, Jennifer, in getting rid of the football program, Kyle Blarff would not be hurt.

[Mary Holland]

Yes, he would.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How?

[Mary Holland]

Cause his memories. Cause of all his memories. He's an alum. He's an alum of the football program, and his dad is the head coach. And so he went.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, so, Mr. Blarff, you wanted to.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Get in on that?

[Mary Holland]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Coach Blarff runs the football team. And so you'd be taking away his job, his whole living.

[Mary Holland]

That's right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That would be a real hit for the Blarff family.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then Kyle may not be able to afford college anymore.

[Mary Holland]

Exactly. Stick him where it hurts.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then he would have to come back to town and.

[Mary Holland]

I don't know. I mean, I guess I haven't thought that far ahead, but.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are you sure you haven't?

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we're playing chess while you're playing checkers here.

[Mary Holland]

No, you're not.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know.

[Mary Holland]

No, you're not.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's nothing people say on Twitter these days.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Not familiar with it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You okay?

[Scott Aukerman]

You just spacing?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Jennifer, are you all right?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Where is Kyle going to college?

[Mary Holland]

Yale. Oh, so across the country, even Yale Francisco.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What now?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yale Francisco? Is that Yale Francisco, west coast campus.

[Mary Holland]

Or is that UC San Francisco?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, is that, like, a joke that you guys had where he's like, oh, I'm going to Yale Francisco. Okay, great. Look, I have to warn you. I don't think this is gonna be a very pop part of your campaign, getting rid of the football team, so I would ditch that one. I think you know the no lunch lines. You're on to something.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's a home run.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you're on to something.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's a promise that almost everybody can get behind. But you're gonna. You're gonna. 22,000 people. I'm sure a significant number of them are fans of the football.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, and there's probably thousands that play on the team that you're just, like, getting rid of work.

[Mary Holland]

Okay, okay, well, how about this? How about I just cancel Head Coach Blarf?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, do you mean murder him?

[Mary Holland]

Let's just say eliminate him from the schedule. From the formula.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, do you think life is an algorithm?

[Mary Holland]

Let's just say.

[Scott Aukerman]

She might be a math lesson, by the way. And stop just saying things. Just actually say things.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

There's a lot of. Let's just say.

[Mary Holland]

Why don't we just say he'll be terminated from the equation?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, got it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So you don't put that into your campaign process. Don't actually say it out loud either. If you're really gonna do it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The.

[Scott Aukerman]

Less people that know that, we'll cut.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It from the episode. Just.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, definitely. We're definitely gonna cut that. In fact, we already ended the episode once. The titular.

[Mary Holland]

What the heck am I doing here? I was hoping to get an endorsement from both of you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, is that why you're here?

[Mary Holland]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Our endorsements do carry a lot of sway in high school elections.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you know, that is true. We're gonna see how the. The house gets the CBB bump this weekend. And so, you know, if you're looking for the CBB bump, maybe that's what I'm looking for.

[Mary Holland]

Jennifer Spot for student body president.

[Scott Aukerman]

Give us one more part of your platform, and we'll see exactly what we can do for you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm also just curious. Now that we've heard two, you know, like, one really successful and one, you know, kind of in the middle, I'm wondering what else you're working with.

[Mary Holland]

More pets.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How's that?

[Mary Holland]

More pets?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are there pets allowed already?

[Mary Holland]

No pets are allowed on the campus. So I think everyone should get a pet. And that pet will be sort of like a school pet. Well, yeah, but it's also an extension of their personality and of their soul. And it'll be like an avatar that can go into classrooms and learn if someone's sick.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so. Oh, wow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

There's a lot to unpack here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Do the kids get to choose their pet, or is it chosen for them? Like, is it, like a sorting animal?

[Mary Holland]

It's like the sorting hat. Really nice reference.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, great. So is there something Sorting Hat esque that will give each kid a pet?

[Scott Aukerman]

Me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, so every kid you're the sorting hat.

[Mary Holland]

That's right. And I assign them a pet, and then that pet is with them the whole school year.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, let's try that on. What if you assign a pet to Scott?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so I'm a kid.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What do you have to do in order to make that happen?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not even legal.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What?

[Mary Holland]

Ew.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What are you doing?

[Mary Holland]

Ew.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Don't be weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm saying I'm a high school kid. I'm getting into characters.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Don't be weird about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not legal.

[Mary Holland]

What do you mean I'm not legal?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not. It would be improper to have sex with me if you're a man your age.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What? Oh, so you're in. Wow. Okay. Got it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm just saying I'm in character.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Does that make cool off a child molester?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is me in character right now.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What's your character?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not married. To cool up in character.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, okay. What's your character's name?

[Mary Holland]

What's your character's name?

[Scott Aukerman]

Queef.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Nope.

[Mary Holland]

Queef.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We have a blarf and you're gonna do a queef.

[Mary Holland]

Queef?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're doubling down on this.

[Mary Holland]

You can't be queef. My best friend is Queef.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Chief Queef.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm Donjamin Queef.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Isn't there a chief queef?

[Scott Aukerman]

There is a Chief Queef.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Isn't that canon?

[Mary Holland]

Donjman Queef.

[Scott Aukerman]

Donjamin Queef.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Donjamin Queef.

[Mary Holland]

Hi, Donjmin. Queef.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is Donjamin one word or is it Donjamin Queef?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not like we jamming. No, it's just one word. Don't.

[Mary Holland]

Welcome to my presidential library.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, when was this erected?

[Mary Holland]

Just today.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is it within the 18 floors?

[Mary Holland]

Uh huh. It's on the very top.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now I'm in the mood and in the market for a pet.

[Mary Holland]

Well, of course, they're mandatory at this point.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Thank you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So your mood is irrelevant.

[Mary Holland]

Now, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like it to be considered.

[Mary Holland]

You know, first you have to choose the ring.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Dungeon queefs. So needy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kiss your ring. Is that what you mean?

[Mary Holland]

Kiss my ring? That's right. Very good. And now you turn around three times. Okay. Your animal has become clear to me. You are a marmot.

[Scott Aukerman]

A marmot? I'm allergic to marmots.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How do you know that fits?

[Mary Holland]

How do you know you're allergic?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I once went to a marmot festival and I just could not stop speaking. Sneezing.

[Mary Holland]

That's how you know the marmot Is for you. The more allergic you are to it, the more it's like you. That's why you don't like it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, so it's allergic to me?

[Mary Holland]

Yeah. There's a long line, so.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought this was the school without lines.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wow. Donja and queefs. Donja McQueef's just summarily dismissed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fuck.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Really? Well, for me, Even Jennifer's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are we still voting for you? You only won. Even Jennifer Sput doesn't like your characters and scene. We don't know about this.

[Mary Holland]

I like it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, really good. Donjamin Queef gets a marmot.

[Mary Holland]

Mm. Do you wanna play?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Of course I do.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Who are you gonna be? How old are you?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I am. I'm 18.

[Mary Holland]

Cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

How recently?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How recently? Like a month ago. Oh. Happy birthday. Thank you so much.

[Mary Holland]

Wait a minute. This is sounding a lot like me.

[Scott Aukerman]

A lot of people had an 18th birthday just a month ago.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm in. I'm in high school. I'm at Hindenburg High School, and I'm running for class president.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. Oh, no. Are you all right?

[Mary Holland]

Ow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ow.

[Mary Holland]

Ow.

[Scott Aukerman]

First of all, clean up the previous vomit.

[Mary Holland]

Ow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

My.

[Scott Aukerman]

What'd you hit your nose on?

[Mary Holland]

The vomit? Ow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ow. Vomit is supposed to be soft. Why do you have hard vomit?

[Mary Holland]

I don't know. I'm sick.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Clean up the previous vomit and then clean up the recent vomit.

[Mary Holland]

Okay, fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wee, wee, wee.

[Mary Holland]

Good morning. What are you here for?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, hi. How you doing, Tim.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tim who?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, Tim. Tim Puzzle.

[Mary Holland]

Tim Pus. Well, it's very early in the morning.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm sleeping in the library. Tim Pus Wigfield.

[Mary Holland]

Oh, well, Tim Pus is my first kid.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tim Pus.

[Mary Holland]

Is it your.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that like Krampus?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Tim Pus Wigfield? Yep.

[Mary Holland]

Is it your assigned lunchtime? Is that what this is?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It is. I just picked up my lunch and you know what I realized that I have yet to get my pet assigned.

[Mary Holland]

Oh.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So I wanted to stop by and get that.

[Mary Holland]

Well, of course. Come on into the house.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It is so interesting. You have a lot of old fellas and curlers in your hair.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, I gotta keep it volumized. Now, let me see. So stand in front of me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Sure.

[Mary Holland]

And here I took my ring off and I was going to bed and let me just put my ring back on.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, wow.

[Mary Holland]

And kiss my ring.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And you wear it. Oh, okay.

[Mary Holland]

More tongue. More tongue. That's good. Okay, now spin around three times.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That ring is beautiful. On your finger.

[Mary Holland]

Now stuff it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tastes like cherries.

[Mary Holland]

Who is this Guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry. I'm the creep.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm watching Dunjamin Queef. You get out of here.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like to watch. So sue me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No surprise. Donjamin Queef is a real creep.

[Mary Holland]

Anyway, so did you spin three times?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah.

[Mary Holland]

That was so fast.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, I'm really fast like that.

[Mary Holland]

Your animal is a bullfrog.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, thank you so much.

[Mary Holland]

You're welcome.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Anyway, I should get out of here. What are you up to? Later?

[Mary Holland]

Asleep.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, cool. All right, take care.

[Mary Holland]

Bye, Tim.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Pus Wakefield out.

[Mary Holland]

Wait a minute. If he's running for student body president, then.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, also, just one last thing. Are you holding a knife?

[Mary Holland]

No, this is. This is a potato flipper.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Got it. I just wanted to say, under the assumption that you will be graduating at the end of this year, I am currently running for student body president. But please, I would love if you could, you know, maybe talk me up to the student body and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did you do?

[Mary Holland]

Oh, my God. I don't know.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Dodge McQueen.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm a witness to this.

[Mary Holland]

No, you're not.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm part of Olga.

[Mary Holland]

What have I done? This is not why I got into politics.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Don't stab your neck.

[Mary Holland]

Anyway, that's what I would do for my policies.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Mary Holland]

I'd die for them.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was Shakespearean.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That really got ugly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that was like a tragedy.

[Mary Holland]

Well, I'm really good at English.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Oh, really?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, nice.

[Mary Holland]

And literature.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's your favorite book of all time?

[Mary Holland]

Probably the Truth Will Be Alcohol.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What's that?

[Mary Holland]

Oh, it's a series of short stories by Phil.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Mary Holland]

Collins.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Phil Collins.

[Scott Aukerman]

Phil Collins. The.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are you thinking perhaps about the record no Jacket Required?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that might be.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What is that your favorite book? Your favorite book is the record no Jacket Required? I think it was obligated.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pulled sleeves.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It was.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah. That's what I'm thinking of.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Well, very good. Well, I don't know that I'm ready to give you my recommendation or endorsement yet. We'll see. Well, let's wait.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Don't whine. Don't whine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's wait until the end of the show. We do have one more guest coming up. Maybe you could solicit his endorsement as well.

[Mary Holland]

I need all the endorsements I can get.

[Scott Aukerman]

Coming up after the break, we have an artist, so. That's exciting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

There's an artist coming in.

[Mary Holland]

Why is that just ready on your phone? You use that a lot, Mr. Pus.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, we're gonna be right back with Jennifer's spot. More Jason Manzoukas and we have an artist coming up after this. More comedy Bang bang after this. We'll be right back. Adam Pally here and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, Staying Alive.

[Tim Baltz]

We'll have guests like our friend actor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jerry O' Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Shear, Ego Wodom, Jillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle, staying alive with John Gabris and Adam Pally is out right now.

[Tim Baltz]

Get them a week early and ad.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Mary Holland]

If you don't know about our flyer deals on Instacart, this message is for you. Flyer deals are like strolling through your favorite store looking for deals, but instead you're scrolling on your phone because getting delivery doesn't mean you have to miss out on in store deals like the creamer that doesn't upset your stomach or the pasta sauce that you can't not buy when it's on sale. Download the Instacart app, shop flyers and never miss a deal. Plus get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back here. Jason Manzoukas the house opens on Friday. Will Ferrell Amy Poehler Jake June 30.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Go to the movie. Buy all the tickets. Buy them all, buy them all.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have to sit in every seat A lot of people are worried if I buy every ticket in the movie theater, I'm gonna have to sit in every seat.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, I don't think people are worried about that at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think. I think they're just worried they're gonna get like. Somebody else is gonna, like, sneak in also.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's probably expensive.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. But you know what? Spend those bucks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Spend those bucks. Buco. Dolores. Yeah. We also have Jennifer Spot here who is running for senior class president. Did you run last year as well?

[Mary Holland]

Yep. Sure. Did you get it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Didn't get it.

[Mary Holland]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Too bad.

[Mary Holland]

But that's okay. This year you can vote for me. And never trust a stranger.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who won last year?

[Mary Holland]

Kyle.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did he do a good job?

[Mary Holland]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

What were some of his promises?

[Mary Holland]

No homework.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. Wait, so no one did homework?

[Mary Holland]

No, we don't have homework anymore.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

That school sounds like a dream.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

His follow through is impressive.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah. Or whatever.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Is anyone learning things?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Can I ask you a question? How long did you and Kyle go out for?

[Mary Holland]

Two days.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no, boy.

[Mary Holland]

We went to prom together. And then the next day he said, I didn't get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your diploma.

[Mary Holland]

My diploma. And he might have been referring to other stuff, too. I don't know. There's no way to know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you. Did you consummate the relationship? Were you legal at this point?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hey. Hey, you know what?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm interested in her sex lie. Okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Thanks, donjamin Queef.

[Mary Holland]

We did. He braided my hair and I kissed his forehead.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, that's very romantic.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you've kept the braids in, I've noticed.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, I haven't washed it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's cornrows.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, it really hurts my skull.

[Scott Aukerman]

You look like Stella who got her groove back.

[Mary Holland]

They're really tight on my head, but I love them, you know? Kyle put them in and I don't want to take them out.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Sure. Oh, it's something to remember him by while he's at Yale.

[Scott Aukerman]

Francisco studying cosmetology. We need to get to our next guest. This is very exciting. He's an artist and that's all I really know about him. But please welcome Jason Turley. Hello, Jason.

[Tim Baltz]

Thanks for having me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Cool name.

[Tim Baltz]

Thank you.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Turley.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah. I guess you're referring to my first name.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, we share a first name.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, that was fun. The whole time I've been sitting here waiting to introduce myself. Really?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I just, like, was so surprised when Scott said it. I was like, is it me? But no. Then he said, turley.

[Tim Baltz]

It's pretty Rare, right?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Very rare.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah. It's a rare name. Thank you for saying artist. That's a bit of a stretch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it is?

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah. Well, I make adult coloring books.

[Mary Holland]

Oh, that's nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've heard about these. These are coloring books for adults.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, boy. Okay. Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What just happened? Did you think people might not have understood?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, there are recent phenomenon, and I couldn't figure out a way to explain it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Better than reversing the word choice was the problem. You're like, oh, these listeners, they're gonna know. They're not gonna know what.

[Scott Aukerman]

I gotta reverse this. That's like, really make sense of it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That is good. Great hosting right there. That's great hosting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't we do this? Why don't you describe what an adult coloring book is?

[Tim Baltz]

Okay, so an adult coloring book is a great way to reduce anxiety in an adult's life. And it's also a way to just beat the stress, beat the heat, and waste time. So what I do is I draw situations, all kinds of situations. I have many different books out, and they have different themes. And then you kind of draw within the lines, or if you're a bad little boy, you break the lines.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Ooh.

[Tim Baltz]

You draw across the lines.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, my goodness.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're getting very excited at the thought of bad. And why are they little boys? I thought these were adult coloring.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, you're baring your teeth. There's like a real energy to it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Tim Baltz]

Now you can stay within the lines, and it brings a certain amount of peace to you.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's just like a switch.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And I will say that is. I've. You know, I've. You know, my. I've had family members do adult color books, and they do. They say it's very meditative and relaxing.

[Tim Baltz]

It's very peaceful. It brings a lot of calm to your life, you know? Cause following the line and staying within the lines, that can give you a sense of order in these turbulent times in which we live. But then, you know, if you want to break the line, routine is good. But ain't nothing better than breaking routines and crossing those lines.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, okay. Jason. Jason. Jason Turley.

[Tim Baltz]

I mean, yeah, call me Turley.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Or jt. Do you ever get called jt?

[Tim Baltz]

I wish.

[Mary Holland]

I'll call you jt.

[Tim Baltz]

He's a sex symbol. I'm no sex symbol. I got a pear shaped body. My parents call me. My parents call me Grimace.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that because of your mouth?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, I suspect because of the McDonald's character.

[Tim Baltz]

If they call it because of my mouth. Boy, I tell you, Grimace's mouth is the hottest part of his body.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I don't mean that they're comparing your mouth to Grimace's mouth. I mean, you might be grimacing all the time.

[Tim Baltz]

Oh, that's why they call him Grimace. I thought they call him Grimace because people look at him, they're like, oh, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's grimacing. Look at his sick pillow. So you do understand what grimacing is?

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, I get that. But Grimace's mouth is. He's a happy fella.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You're not understanding what I'm saying. Okay, look, Turley, his attitude beats the heat.

[Tim Baltz]

All right, Turley, I'll tell you, he's feeling the heat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look at his body.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look at your body.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And you would know. It's the. See, you share the same body.

[Tim Baltz]

Hey, look at your body. I see my body all the time. I can't avoid my body.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You have a wampler esque physique.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's say you do. She's like an upside down Grimace.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

A right side up.

[Tim Baltz]

That's right. My foot twice, and it goes, womp, womp. I'm a wampler Rhett. That's what that means.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, look, Turley, now, a lot of these adult coloring books are geometric shapes. You say you draw situations. What are these situations? That's true.

[Tim Baltz]

Sorry. I might do, like, the Sistine Chapel, you know, and then you fill it in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or how is that a situation?

[Tim Baltz]

A situation. Well, that was a situation. Someone asked that. Someone asked Michelangelo, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, someone asked Michelangelo.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, so wait, in your coloring book, is Michelangelo there?

[Tim Baltz]

Here, I'll show you. So I've got an entire book that's just Michelangelo in the Sistine Chapel.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tim Baltz]

And it's him entering the chapel.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, wow. There you go.

[Tim Baltz]

I passed mad.

[Scott Aukerman]

I got you. That is thick. This is like a thousand pages.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is very long. And these are, like. I don't want to make it sound not professional, but these are handmade.

[Tim Baltz]

Oh, absolutely. These are all me drawings. Now, this is a story, by the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. These pages are not all cut to size. Like, these are just random pieces of scratch paper.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

A lot of mine look to be, like, cut up old brown paper bags from the supermarket.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right? Some of these pages are just tree bark.

[Tim Baltz]

All right? I'm not White Power when it comes to sheets of paper.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, hold on. I don't know what I'm working with.

[Tim Baltz]

What you guys are giving me. Brown sheets of irregular paper are somehow bad Clean, well cut sheets of white paper, almost translucent, if you will, are the only things that can bring beauty.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I see where you're going, but that's. Yeah, let's move on. Let's move on.

[Tim Baltz]

Anyway, so this is the situation of Michelangelo. So he walks into the Sistine Chapel and one of the people that owns it says, hi, Michelangelo.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the way, you're describing the first 50 pages. Like you've. This is like a flip book.

[Tim Baltz]

You flip it and he barely moves and you see him shake hands, right? And then you see the guy point up to the ceiling and then there's a thought bubble where Michelangelo's says, shit.

[Scott Aukerman]

And by the way, that's just one page. If this truly is a flip book, you're gonna miss it.

[Tim Baltz]

I think you're gonna miss it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not gonna be able to read this.

[Mary Holland]

I have a question.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Sorry. Jason, this is Jennifer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, Jennifer. Hi, Jennifer.

[Mary Holland]

Hi.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's running for student body president at Hindenburg High School.

[Mary Holland]

Hinderberg.

[Tim Baltz]

Good luck. You got my vote.

[Mary Holland]

Oh my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Already? Damn.

[Mary Holland]

I'm taking on his accent.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What was your original accent?

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, it was just cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Okay, right.

[Mary Holland]

Well, I have a question about Michelangelo because obviously you studied him and his reactions. Well, what's his first name?

[Tim Baltz]

Mike.

[Mary Holland]

His name's Mike. Michelangelo.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, his middle name's Louie and his last name's Angelo. Michael Angelo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mike L. Mike L. Angelo.

[Mary Holland]

Michelangelo. Oh, I didn't know a lot of.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

People just called him Angelo. Like a lot of his friends would be like, angelo, let's get out of here. Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Angelo.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Angelo. Let's go get some pizza. Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Looking at the book, there's a lot devoted to that, actually.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

A lot of.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just like that's pages 800 through 850, it looks like.

[Tim Baltz]

Uh huh.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

You're skipping ahead.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'm sorry, let me go back to the beginning.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah. Because we got up to about page 75 where he looks up and he says shit at the ceiling. And then the next few pages are him going, that's fucking high. And then being like, well, you want some ladders or scaffolding? And then Michelangelo says, what's scaffolding? And the guy. And then the next 40 pages of them just shaking their head and slapping their forehead, being like, he doesn't know what fucking scaffolding is. So that's the situation of the Sistine Chamber.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, wow. It makes sense.

[Scott Aukerman]

It does. Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What other situations do you tackle in your books?

[Tim Baltz]

Garfield, trying to get to the end of a Monday. Oh, here you go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Oh, wow. I know. Notice each page is one second of a day. And you have all the way through 24 hours. This is the thickest book I've ever seen.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Now, it's interesting. Each page is 1/2 24 hours in a day. Jennifer, could you help us out with that math? How many pages are in the pages?

[Mary Holland]

An avocado toast and a light switch.

[Tim Baltz]

I'm new to this. What the hell? What the fuck are you talking about?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, Turley, put her down. No, Turley, she's 18.

[Tim Baltz]

She can handle it.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you talking about? He's right. She is legal.

[Tim Baltz]

All right, enough, enough. Sorry. I crossed the line and it felt good.

[Scott Aukerman]

What second? Does Garfield have lunch, by the way? What is his lunch time?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Also, what is lunch for him? Is it lasagna?

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, it's all. I mean, lunch for Garfield is all day, every day.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Right.

[Tim Baltz]

Garfield wants to fill every day with a lasagna lunch. That's why he's bigger than he should be for a cat. Right?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

Now, the interesting thing about the situation that I filled, that I drew for everyone to fill out, is that you watch Garfield wrestle with his Monday's depression. You watch him slowly put a gun into his mouth, sob, and then take it out and slowly put it back in. Saab. Look at a picture of John. Look at a picture of Odie. Put the gun back in his.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is he trying to determine who he would be leaving behind when he looks at the picture of John?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are these what he. Are these the things that are driving him to pull the trigger?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that would be the picture of Odie.

[Tim Baltz]

Well, now, here's.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Or nirmal.

[Tim Baltz]

All those interpretations can be correct depending on what colors you choose to color in.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wow, Jennifer, really on board for this.

[Mary Holland]

I like this.

[Tim Baltz]

My target audience.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's barely legal. She's an adult. So where does it end up? Because I don't want to go through this whole book.

[Tim Baltz]

Garfield eats a lasagna, falls asleep, wakes up, checks the clock. It's 12:01am on a Tuesday.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

He's made it through the night without suicide once again.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Isn't that crazy good for him? It's inspirational in a way.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

If Garfield can do it, who can't?

[Tim Baltz]

That's a great point, because Garfield is lazy. He's the laziest among us. The Garfield cartoon is a parable for everyone. Just get to the end of that Monday and you're gonna be all right. And find your favorite food, find someone who takes care of you. And also find someone who's stuper than you, who can make you feel better about yourself. That's Garfield in a nutshell.

[Scott Aukerman]

Those are the needs, the basic human needs. Find someone to take care of you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Maslow's hierarchy of need. That's right.

[Tim Baltz]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Someone to take care of you. Someone who's stupider than you.

[Mary Holland]

Well, maybe I should change one of my plat taking on your accent.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it's. I mean, where are you originally from, by the way?

[Mary Holland]

Everywhere. Oh, yeah? My dad's in the military.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

What does he do?

[Mary Holland]

He's a soldier.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. How many has he killed?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, you're not supposed to ask that. Don't.

[Mary Holland]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've never spoken about this with your dad.

[Mary Holland]

I've asked him, but he's always said. He's always looked me in the eye and said, you don't want to know.

[Tim Baltz]

Oh, he sounds like a sniper. I've got a sniper situation. Oh, wow. It follows Barry Pepper's character from Saving Private Ryan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh my.

[Tim Baltz]

All the way through to the. The final moments of his life.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And.

[Tim Baltz]

And then there's also a bonus thing where that one character who was in the movie Twister watches that one Jewish guy get killed by the strong Nazi guy. Tragic. What? Oh, that's the toughest part the of that movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then that's a bonus 300 pages tacked on at the end of this book.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, that's right. Thwaip. Swipe. There you go. Leaf through it at your own. At your own leisure. I thought that was the saddest, tragic, most difficult part of the movie to deal with.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Twister.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to a Bruin View recently. It was a double feature starting with Saving Private Ryan and then Twister. And I thought they put him in the right. Wrong order.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How so? Well, or for what reason?

[Tim Baltz]

I mean, Twister ends in a happy way.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

But Saving Private Ryan makes you think. So through the first half of Twister, I was just thinking. And sad.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, I see.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

Whereas I would have been energized and happy going in to save it. Private Ryan. And then.

[Scott Aukerman]

But then the fall would have been.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wouldn't it have ruined your mood? Don't you think it would have ruined your mood?

[Tim Baltz]

Well, either way, Tom Hanks dies in both movies.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tom Hanks dies in Twister.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Spoiler alert.

[Tim Baltz]

Oh, yeah, right away.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, right away.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like a Janet Leigh and Psycho.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He's in the first Twister.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I had no idea.

[Tim Baltz]

Twister is a sequel to Castaway Castaway. He comes back, he tries to get.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

With his ex wife, Helen Hunt.

[Tim Baltz]

Helen Hunt. And then he gets with that other woman, right? He's like, hey, what's this? Oh, I guess life can have two chapters. Bullshit. And then.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa.

[Tim Baltz]

And then, you know, you're in the middle of nowhere, and then the twister comes. It sucks him up. And then Helen Hunts there.

[Mary Holland]

Wait, you're still. Life can't have two chapters.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What happened? What happened to you, man? Jason. I mean, Turley.

[Tim Baltz]

Thanks, man.

[Mary Holland]

Jt.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jt, what happened to you?

[Tim Baltz]

Wait, are you saying I think that life can have more than.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean, that's a very pessimistic view. You kind of shrugged and rolled your eyes when you mentioned that life can't have two chapters.

[Mary Holland]

Did you have a Kyle Blarff?

[Tim Baltz]

I'm going through a divorce right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. How did you know what she meant by did you have a Kyle Blarf? You weren't here for the previous episode.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But haven't we all had a Kyle Blarff in our lives? That we. I mean, it's implied.

[Tim Baltz]

It was the color in her voice.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have synesthesia?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Synesthesia, definitely.

[Tim Baltz]

That's why I got into what I do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you got into. Sorry.

[Tim Baltz]

I wanted to get in on that at the end.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Boy, it's fun.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So you are using your coloring books as a way of communicating emotional feelings.

[Tim Baltz]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what are these books? What Emotions are Within? What should we be getting out of these?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How is your divorce, you know, being worked through through these books?

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you Garfield?

[Tim Baltz]

Sometimes I feel like Garfield.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

At least on a Monday when I'm stuffing my face with pasta and carbs.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And a gun, apparently.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, you ain't lying. Wait, I put a clob in my mouth.

[Mary Holland]

A clob?

[Tim Baltz]

I type.

[Scott Aukerman]

A gun.

[Tim Baltz]

I play. I played goldeneye the other day.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's a very old video game.

[Scott Aukerman]

You played GoldenEye and got so inspired that you bought a clop.

[Tim Baltz]

You stuffed it in my mouth. I covered it in marinara and melted cheese. I stuffed it in my mouth. I sucked the filling out of it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That sounds delicious.

[Tim Baltz]

It was actually not bad.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But as a delivery system for pasta and sauce, I don't think I've done.

[Scott Aukerman]

Were you shooting pasta into your mouth with.

[Tim Baltz]

I load it with carbs and I fire it into the back of my throat and I hope it busts to the back of my head and ends my stupid miserable grimace laugh, but it doesn't. It just feeds me and then I reload it and I shoot it again.

[Scott Aukerman]

So why did your. Why did your wife leave you?

[Tim Baltz]

I got a shitty attitude.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is that what she said?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

She can't handle my fucking patterns of behavior and communication.

[Scott Aukerman]

At least you have some self awareness about it. You agree? You have a shitty attitude.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah. And that's why I'm starting to color more and more and that's why I want to bring it to other people. Right now I need to color a lot, which is why I made 1500 page plus coloring books for adults. Right. Because I need to calm down a lot.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think I could color one of these books in a lifetime.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, no. And the fact that you've made handmade for each of them us many thousands.

[Mary Holland]

Of pages and they're exact copies of each other.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the fact that you think they're.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Gifts, they have not been photocopied, but enough such that each of us has a copy to look at.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. The volume for perusal.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The volume of work that has gone into this. These are gifts though. Yes.

[Tim Baltz]

I was just gonna say they're for you to keep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now. Now that you're a big movie star, you just think people are giving you things.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Listen, you know, people just getting.

[Scott Aukerman]

He brought these to talk about.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was not in Twister. Boy, would I have loved to have been in Twister though.

[Mary Holland]

Were you in Saving Private Ryan?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was not in Saving Private Ryan.

[Mary Holland]

Were you in Castaway?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm just gonna jump straight to the chase here, Jennifer. I've been in the Dictator upcoming movie the House, and that is it.

[Tim Baltz]

Oh, well, the reason that I put out such a high volume of coloring books is I don't sleep. When I was born, the doctors dropped me into a pot of coffee.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, what was it? Pot of coffee.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How big was the pot? It was.

[Tim Baltz]

It was a big pop.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I would assume.

[Tim Baltz]

So it was a big hospital.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Cause I suspect not for nothing, you might have been a big baby.

[Tim Baltz]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Mary Holland]

And they just had big old pots.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it was a big pot because it was a big hospital.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, yeah. Cause there was a lot of people working there. Jason. I know the question you're gonna ask. 31 pounds 7 ounces upon birth. Oh, yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How many floors did this hospital have?

[Scott Aukerman]

They're like bigger than a dog.

[Tim Baltz]

It had three floors and I dropped through the first two.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Into a pot of coffee.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wow.

[Tim Baltz]

In the kitchen.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

In the kitchen, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

If these hospital floors can't sustain a 31 pound weight dropping onto the floor, this is a rickety ass Hospital?

[Tim Baltz]

Well, I shot out pretty fast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I see. Okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

I grabbed the inside of my mom's uterus and I cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

Runnings it out of there like carbs in a club. Shooting out.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Shooting out of there.

[Tim Baltz]

Carbs in a club. That's my next situation. I'll do autobiography. Biographical one like American Splendor.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep.

[Tim Baltz]

And then everyone will get to know the real Jason Turley.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a Harvey Pekar fan?

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, I love Harvey Pekar. Sad ass.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not something to aspire to, his emotional state, but he, you know, he.

[Tim Baltz]

He was able to use what his life was and make a living at it and get people to kind of.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, maybe he had temporary happiness, but, you know, I mean, is that really the life that you want to have? I don't think I deserve emotional distance from his loved ones, Scott.

[Tim Baltz]

I don't deserve real happiness.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why?

[Tim Baltz]

Look at me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Everybody deserves happiness, regardless of their looks.

[Mary Holland]

That's right. Everyone has a hope and a dream. And there's so many worlds. And the students forever. The future is yours.

[Scott Aukerman]

What color of the rainbow would you be? I mean, you have synesthesia.

[Tim Baltz]

Brown.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, that's like. What type? What shade of brown?

[Tim Baltz]

Deep sick brown.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Deep sick brown. DSB bro. The brown concerned.

[Tim Baltz]

The brown you see that makes you say somebody's sick.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, no.

[Tim Baltz]

Oh, I'm like talking 90. 90 minutes of diarrhea in a movie brown.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like hard vomit brown.

[Tim Baltz]

Don't you get your butthole sewn up. Why's the vomit. Why is it coming?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you weren't. You weren't here for that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[Mary Holland]

I'd be Sparkle.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

These are your car.

[Mary Holland]

I'd be Sparkle.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are you okay?

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, I'm great.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Jennifer, you are out of your seat screaming, oh, my face.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sparkle, calm down.

[Mary Holland]

Calm down. I'm so inspired by jt.

[Tim Baltz]

I inspire you.

[Mary Holland]

Well, yeah, of course. The misery that is your life makes me want to live my life to its fullest. Especially now that I'm young and sexy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, John, you still have vomit all over your mouth, by the way. It's like a vomit goatee.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You've barfed like four times.

[Mary Holland]

M. Yummy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, God, man.

[Tim Baltz]

Why are you guys disgusted? I'm turned on by her throwing up. Yeah. The bottom of my pear is tingling.

[Mary Holland]

The bottom of your.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your stem pear.

[Tim Baltz]

The bottom of my pear is going wild. I got bees down there.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wait, really? No, it just feels like.

[Tim Baltz]

It feels like I got bees.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's like a saying yeah, Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess the stem would be the top of the pear. I go, what's the pear's butthole? That little, like, circle down at the bottom?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's the pear's anus, I think is what that's technically called.

[Tim Baltz]

I can't tell the difference between my genitals and my anus anyway.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You can't tell the difference between something that is external and something that is internal.

[Tim Baltz]

It's a fucking mess down there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How so?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it like a maze in the back of Jack and Jill magazine or something?

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, that someone dropped beef stew on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And then. Did you say who? Nailed it.

[Tim Baltz]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cbbf. Who?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Cbbfu.

[Tim Baltz]

CB Beefed. You know, get that T shirt.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Now available on the CBEEB website.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't believe it's available.

[Mary Holland]

Now available on the Today Show.

[Tim Baltz]

I told you guys how I beat the heat, how I try to calm my anxiety and the demons.

[Scott Aukerman]

You are not successful, by the way.

[Tim Baltz]

No, I'm not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Every Monday, you're sticking a gun in your mouth filled with lasagna, and downstairs.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is a tingly mess.

[Tim Baltz]

It is when barely legal teens are telling me that I inspire them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wee. How old are you, by the way? J.T. turley?

[Tim Baltz]

43.

[Scott Aukerman]

43.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, you know, the age difference.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How long were you married?

[Tim Baltz]

I was married for 21 years.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, wow.

[Mary Holland]

Who's your wife's name?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Who's your wife's name?

[Tim Baltz]

Her name's Beth. Angie. She was named after a Kiss song and a Rolling Stone song. Should have seen the sadness coming.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's your last name?

[Tim Baltz]

No, her name is. Last name is Angie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Wait, so she was named after a Rolling Stone shows.

[Tim Baltz]

Well, she's a first generation Croatian, and when her parents got to Alzheimer.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

First generation Croatian. I like that.

[Tim Baltz]

They named her. They just named her. They took one look. Yeah. Bethany. They took a look at her and they said, this family looks sad as hell. She's destined for breakups.

[Scott Aukerman]

So two of the saddest songs ever written about women. Beth and Angie.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, I think so.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, Beth is about a woman who just sits around the house waiting for Peter Chris to return from drumming practice.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The cat.

[Tim Baltz]

And Angie's about. Yeah. An imminent breakup, you know?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Beth is about someone who would rather spend time with Gene Simmons than her. That's a sad song.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah. Yeah, those are the two saddest. The point is, I should have seen it coming. And I'm working through a lot right now, but I'm here to not only give you guys gifts, maybe can Help you, but also to find out what you guys do to beat back the anxiety and the sadness in your life.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, you know, I try and connect with friends and work out. Yep. Exercise is important.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, I talk to my parents.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. Talking to one's parents. Do you have parents?

[Tim Baltz]

They died long ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, how long?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Interesting.

[Tim Baltz]

That day in the hospital.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, both of them. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean, you shot out of your mother. Did that kill her?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Please don't. Please tell me you did not like a bullet and kill him.

[Tim Baltz]

Well, I went.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

On your way to going through both floors.

[Tim Baltz]

I went through his feet. Okay, So I went right through his feet. So I smashed a couple holes in the ground. I broke off his feet.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you still have the umbilical cord in.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

So then my mother went right after.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, God.

[Tim Baltz]

She grabbed the umbilical cord. She went right after. And then my father grabbed her by the hair and he went right after that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, goodness.

[Tim Baltz]

Well, he was going to fall anyway.

[Mary Holland]

He didn't have fear. So.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So.

[Scott Aukerman]

So they fell on the ground.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The pot of coffee broke your fall.

[Tim Baltz]

That's right. Yeah. I was a nice sploosh. And then my first memories of them, and this is probably why I think that my color in the rainbow is brown, is that I opened my eyes in lukewarm coffee and I saw my two dead parents outside the pot of coffee.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You have that memory?

[Tim Baltz]

Yep. That was my first memory.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess when you're bathed in coffee when you're born, it really creates. Yeah. Yeah. It's very.

[Mary Holland]

Talk about trauma.

[Scott Aukerman]

Good one.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Nailed it. Jennifer, great singer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks.

[Tim Baltz]

You cheer me up a lot, actually.

[Mary Holland]

Oh, good.

[Tim Baltz]

You're the first person that's cheered me up since my wife left me.

[Scott Aukerman]

How long ago did she leave?

[Tim Baltz]

About a month ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Mary Holland]

When I was born 18 years ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, this is not. This is not a connection that you should be making.

[Mary Holland]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was around your birthday.

[Mary Holland]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Around probably when Kyle broke up with you. Around probably prom.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

You went through a breakup about a month ago?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Tim Baltz]

Man. I don't know what you're doing later, but if you want to get lasagna shot into the back of your throat.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

She said she's sleeping.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh.

[Tim Baltz]

Oh, well, yeah. I mean, you just sleep with your mouth open.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Okay. Okay. This is like a Cosby situation.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't think you should be putting.

[Scott Aukerman]

A loaded no club. This is like that. This is like that dentist with this syringe that I read about.

[Tim Baltz]

Yep. Believe in the rule of law. Cosby got off, my friend.

[Scott Aukerman]

I Guess I believe in the rule of law. But that doesn't mean I have to think he's innocent.

[Tim Baltz]

You know, he got his power back.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think just because he's not legally guilty doesn't mean that we should think that he's.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

There's still many impending cases.

[Tim Baltz]

Sorry, I just read the headlines.

[Scott Aukerman]

You only read headlines?

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, very busy working on these books, I assume.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, it's tough.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, are you doing. Do you use these books as an escape from the. From the difficulties of your life or, like, in an autobiographical sense? Will you put out a book based on your divorce?

[Tim Baltz]

I'd like to do that. That'd be a great way to stick it to Beth. And I'll tell you what. I won't color inside any of those lines. I'll be all over those lines, all over Beth's face, and Beth will. Beth will be covered in shitty colors.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You really shouldn't be coloring in these books that you're. These coloring books.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're selling the books. You shouldn't color them.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, I always color one myself, and I give it away to fans.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, do you have a lot of fans?

[Tim Baltz]

I got a handful. Three or four.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. Great. In the adult coloring book community.

[Tim Baltz]

Well, a lot of the nurses that were there when my parents died, you're.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Still close with them?

[Tim Baltz]

They kept in touch.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay. Cause it's probably a very memorable day for them as well.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah. I always get a phone call, and they're laughing. How you doing?

[Scott Aukerman]

Just the sight of those two chalk outlines next to the pot.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are they laughing at you or they. What are they laughing at? The way you said it made me concerned. What's the call like?

[Tim Baltz]

Okay, so they call, and I.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't we reenact this? So you be. Why don't you be Jason?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay?

[Mary Holland]

Please? Oh, please, please, please, please. Can I be in it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Please? Yeah. Who would be in your life?

[Mary Holland]

Please, please, please, can I be.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, I feel like Jennifer could be one of the other nurses that's calling Jason, which I will be playing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so. Okay, so you're Jason. Jason. You're Jason. Jason, you're one of the nurses. And Jennifer, you're one of the.

[Mary Holland]

I'm Angela. Angela. And I've been married for two years.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't know if you should be Angie just because of Jason's reason.

[Mary Holland]

Is there some better? I'll be Elizabeth.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, no, no. Actually think that's also gonna be a. Oh, that's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is there some other woman's name that's in a Garfield.

[Mary Holland]

James Garfield.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Garfield. James Garfield.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

James Garfield. Perfect. And scene.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here we go.

[Tim Baltz]

Okay, so my cell phone rings and it's a personalized.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm gonna answer it, though. I'm answering it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jason is playing Jason.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm gonna play you. And you're one of the nurses calling me so we can get a sense of what they're doing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay?

[Tim Baltz]

Just so you know, my ringtone is Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay.

[Tim Baltz]

All right. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's you dialing.

[Tim Baltz]

Yep.

[Mary Holland]

Okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Shh. Shh.

[Mary Holland]

Is he picking up?

[Tim Baltz]

He's gonna pick up.

[Mary Holland]

Okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hello? It's me, Jason Turley.

[Tim Baltz]

I bet it is, you sad motherfucker.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Who is this?

[Tim Baltz]

It's one of your nurses.

[Mary Holland]

I'm also a nurse.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh. Oh. Is this James Garfield? And what's your name?

[Tim Baltz]

Abraham Lincoln.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is this James Garfield and Abraham Lincoln? Yes, it is. How dare you call me at this hour?

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, I bet you. What are you up to? Nothing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, nothing.

[Mary Holland]

What kind of life do you have right now?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's bleak. My wife just left me.

[Tim Baltz]

Man, there aren't enough sticks left at the bottom of the tree for you to hit before you hit rock bottom, are there?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No.

[Mary Holland]

How.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How did you get this number?

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever taken an improv class? Jennifer, you seem to be. This is not a debate.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You seem stuck, Jennifer. Just go with it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just your first thought. First thought.

[Mary Holland]

No more. No more tacos.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No more tacos.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is your campaign platform?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is that part of your platform?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is not a good campaign platform, by the way. If it is, no more.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No more tacos. People love tacos.

[Mary Holland]

No, no, but you gotta get rid of them. Kyle liked them.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Kyle liked tacos.

[Mary Holland]

Anyway, this. I'm still a nurse.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay? James Garfield. I'm sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, all right.

[Tim Baltz]

We're back in the scene.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay. We're back in the scene. We're back in the scene. Okay. How did you get this number? Leave me alone, Turley.

[Tim Baltz]

You're still in the phone book. You don't have a cell phone, you frigging loser.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, and you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I just need to be in the phone book in case people want to get my adult coloring books. Are you calling to order one of my adult coloring books?

[Tim Baltz]

Ooh, yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Just so you know, it's a coloring book for adults. If that wasn't clear already from the title. Adult coloring books.

[Tim Baltz]

Now that you phrased it that way, I get it. I'd like to purchase.

[Mary Holland]

I'll take one.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, thank you, James Garfield.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, I'm here, too.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Dunjamin Queef.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Dunjamin Queef. Get off this call.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm just fucking watching these two.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You fucking marmot. Get outta here, you marmot.

[Scott Aukerman]

And scene. Wow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Great scene, everybody. Really good scene.

[Tim Baltz]

Good.

[Mary Holland]

Really good.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Great scene. Jennifer Fox, after straight up panicking there, you really recovered pretty well.

[Scott Aukerman]

You are white as a ghost right now.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You do not look healthy.

[Scott Aukerman]

You are none of the colors of the rainbow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are you gonna throw up again? I feel sick.

[Tim Baltz]

Oh, no. Here, here. Let me get my club out.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, that's what it is. I'm hungry.

[Tim Baltz]

Stuff it in this lasagna.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't think you should do this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not in front of me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, God. This is a crow situation here.

[Tim Baltz]

Here, you guys trust my aim. Should I go from way back to you?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I don't stick it right in your mouth. All right?

[Tim Baltz]

So you're going to need to kiss it or kind of lick the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it.

[Tim Baltz]

Or lick it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, this is gross.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Listen, Jason.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is Earwolf, not Airwolf. Come on, don't do this.

[Tim Baltz]

Here comes the clobber.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Here comes the clobber.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the way, that good catchphrase.

[Tim Baltz]

Ready? Three, two, one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, God. God, it just exploded all over her face.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, God. It does look. It does look delicious. I will say that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want to eat some? She's a barely. She's a barely legal teen with cottage cheese all over her face.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

With lasagna all over her face. What is this? What is. What kind of show are you running?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it's not this kind of show.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The show has changed.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not that kind of show.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The show has changed.

[Mary Holland]

I'll take two.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, boy.

[Tim Baltz]

Here. Here comes another one.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't like this.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, before you do this, making.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Me uncomfortable, I'll just shoot this one.

[Tim Baltz]

Off in the air.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, that's unsealing. Oh, God.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, look, we're running out of time here. We just have time for one final feature on the show, and that's a little something called plugs. It is. And what we're gonna do. Snacks. Butt plugs. Ooh, Short and sweet. Plugs, my dear boy. By UnlovedHogs Unlovedogs thank you so much. If you have a plugs theme, send it on over. And what are we plugging? Obviously, James, you have the house.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

James. James, you just called me. There are two people in this room named Jason. And you just called me James.

[Mary Holland]

James, My performance must have been incredible.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't know what. Just.

[Scott Aukerman]

I believe that song put me into some sort of meditative trance.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That was wild.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's crazy. How did I call you, James?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But, hey, bless you, Jennifer.

[Tim Baltz]

There's the lasagna coming up.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are you okay?

[Tim Baltz]

You need another clap.

[Mary Holland]

I'm allergic to lasagna.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, no. That's my animal lasagna.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He's your pet.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, James Mantzoukas, you have the House, the house above the title in theaters.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I still haven't seen that poster in theaters tomorrow. Tomorrow, June 30th. Please go and see it, everybody.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mm. Mm.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And then obviously, the how did this get Made? Podcast on the Earwolf Network.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course I want to plug. Let's see. You know, a couple weeks ago, I believe my issue of Deadpool and Spider man came out in the trade paperback. Also, Paul Scheer, other host of the Get Made podcast, he wrote an issue or co wrote an issue, as well as Jerry Duggan that is in the trade paperback right now. People can get that and then TPB order that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Tpb.

[Scott Aukerman]

Speaking of comics, we're gonna be out at Comic Con this year doing a show on Thursday night, the 20th. I'm not sure if tickets are on sale yet. As of this recording, they're not, but keep watching. Twitter.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are you nervous at an event like Comic Con that there won't be people who are fans of your show that were willing to come and see it?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's happened a few times. I'm just kidding.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

All nerds. Oh, it's like all nerds in one place.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought you were being serious, but no, no, no.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, has there ever been a time where a comedy bang bang didn't have, like, max audience?

[Scott Aukerman]

There's. I was gonna say that a couple of times. At the House of Blues, they tend to give out tickets to radio stations.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

And so there will be a pocket of, like, 20 people going, what the fuck is it? Like, literally saying, what the fuck is that?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, I love that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why I stopped doing show.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, I wish. I want to be on that show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's no good. Let's see. Jennifer, what are you plugging?

[Mary Holland]

Hey, well, vote for me for student body president.

[Scott Aukerman]

Obviously, that would be, I guess, first day of school, people are going to vote or.

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, vote for September. Vote for spot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mm.

[Mary Holland]

Vote for Spot.

[Scott Aukerman]

And there's one for X marks the spot.

[Mary Holland]

No, that's. That's not it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was just saying that you put your X next to Spot, and that would be how you would vote.

[Mary Holland]

No, that would have been better.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, what is. What is your.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Do you have a slogan?

[Mary Holland]

Yeah, it's vote the number potato and then spot.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Vote, vote, Potato, Spot.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Potato, Spot.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, you know, now, just out of curiosity, is it a visual of a potato, or is it the word potato? Or is it. Do you think of numbers?

[Mary Holland]

Like the number potato pictograms?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, it's all right. It doesn't matter. It's not the number of potatoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

So vote for Spot. Got it.

[Mary Holland]

Vote for Spot. And then also follow Mary Holland on Twitter, Holland85. And check out Shrink on Seesaw.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What do you think? Do you think that she didn't get on Twitter before 84 other Mary Hollands got on Twitter?

[Mary Holland]

I think that's exactly what the issue is.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What an idiot.

[Mary Holland]

I think she's Great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why not Mary Holland 85? Why is it anytime I try to tap hagger and stuff, I have to remember? Oh, no, there's no ary.

[Mary Holland]

I'm doing my best in the world. Wait, my best.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's Mary.

[Mary Holland]

No, my name's Jennifer.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, no, I know, but is it M A R y?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, it's Mholland 85.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, it's M. Holland. I'm sorry.

[Mary Holland]

You'll never forget now.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, boy.

[Mary Holland]

And check out shrimp. And I'm performing with my team, Wild Horses.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You said my team.

[Mary Holland]

My team. And by my team, Jennifer, meaning my. I'm a fan of the Spot.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't feel like you're. I believe it's the 7th or so.

[Mary Holland]

Or no. The 1st. July 1st.

[Scott Aukerman]

July 1st. You are.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, okay.

[Mary Holland]

And then we have another show at Largo. And by we, I mean this team I'm a fan of as another show on July 10th.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Got it, got it, got it. Okay, very good, J.T. what do you got?

[Tim Baltz]

Well, I'll plug my favorite Twitter comedian who mostly just retweets stuff that other people tweet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why is he your favorite then?

[Tim Baltz]

Cause I love it. I love watching people retweet things that have been tagged in and then mostly ignore Twitter, Imbaltz, and then I'll plug Shrink on ciso. Check out CISO now while the time is right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink. Truly is ripe right now.

[Tim Baltz]

And then watch bajillion dollar properties. There are, count em, one, two, three seasons on Seesaw as well.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Big CISO fan, huh?

[Tim Baltz]

Huge CISO head. Hey, well, here's my CISO Hat. And my ciso choker. And my ciso wristband.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Ciso choker.

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, that's right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That seems like swag that maybe bankrupted the company.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jennifer, how many seasons do you think Bajillion Dollar Properties has probably. I gotta say, it's not Potato.

[Mary Holland]

Oh, interesting. Basil.

[Scott Aukerman]

Basil. Okay, so we got Basil, potato, and Fart. We're getting one in the one through nine.

[Tim Baltz]

Blarf is in one through nine because he was the quarterback.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but that's someone's name.

[Tim Baltz]

That's Farts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I said Fart.

[Tim Baltz]

You said farts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, look, you said farts. Yeah, you said farts.

[Tim Baltz]

Sorry. The ciso choker is putting off air in my brain.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

One final thing I would like to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, before we do that, let's close up the old plug.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah, close it up. Talk about bags and bags.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm talking about opening bags.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm talking about bags. I'm talking about opening bags. I'm talking about opening bags. I'm talking about.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, very long, James Manzoukas. What did you want to say?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I just wanted to say I hope sincerely that you both, you know, find your way through these terrible breakups that you're going through, and I believe that you will come out stronger on the other side.

[Mary Holland]

You wish.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wish is happy.

[Tim Baltz]

Thanks, man. You know, my next adult coloring book is gonna be a situation of you telling me that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. How many pages is just that little chunk?

[Tim Baltz]

Well, it's a short one, so maybe 950.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You're like the Stephen King of adult coloring books.

[Tim Baltz]

Who's that for a living?

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't know who Stephen King is? Have you watched the Mist recently on Spike?

[Tim Baltz]

Yeah, I wake up every morning and watch the Mistake.

[Scott Aukerman]

That should tell you everything you need to know about Stephen King. All right, guys, this has been a fun one. Good luck to everyone. Jason, it's always a pleasure to see you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Always a delight.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please come back soon.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Thank you for making the time. Thank you, everybody.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you guys, you know I love you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay. Oh, you know what? Let's. I would love to see how the election goes at some point in the future.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please come back and let us talk to you again.

[Mary Holland]

Oh, it will. Yes. Post election. Hopefully it'll be. Be a. A celebratory interview.

[Scott Aukerman]

Obviously, this will be post Labor Day when school gets back in session, I would imagine.

[Mary Holland]

Obviously.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Okay.

[Tim Baltz]

And I'll definitely be back if lasagna doesn't crack through the back of my skull.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, good luck with that.

[Tim Baltz]

Thanks.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks.

[Mary Holland]

By.

[Scott Aukerman]

Adam Pali here and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before youe Die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, Staying Alive.

[Tim Baltz]

We'll have guests like our friend, actor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jerry O' Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Scheer, Ego Wodom, Gillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle. Staying alive with John Gabris and Adam Pally is out right now.

[Tim Baltz]

Get them a week early and ad.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Free with Sirius XM Podcast plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Mary Holland]

I've never felt like this before. It's like you just get me. I feel like my true self with you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does that sound crazy?

[Mary Holland]

And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous. Okay, that's it. I'm taking you home with me. I mean, you can't find shoes this good just anywhere. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas and more at your dsw store or dsw.com.