Bonus Bang: Kristen Schaal, Pam Murphy, Neil Campbell (Teenage Dirtbag)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Episode Summary

Title: Bonus Bang: Kristen Schaal, Pam Murphy, Neil Campbell (Teenage Dirtbag)
Release Date: May 8, 2025
Hosts: Scott Aukerman
Guests: Kristen Schaal, Pam Murphy (as Nancy Cooper), Neil Campbell (as Rick Faber)
Series: Bonus Bang (Special series celebrating Comedy Bang Bang's Sweet 16)

---

1. Introduction to Bonus Bang and the "Teenage Dirtbag" Series

In this special episode of Comedy Bang Bang, host Scott Aukerman embarks on a celebratory journey to honor the podcast's 16th anniversary by launching a new series titled "Teenage Dirtbag." This series spotlights some of the most memorable teenage characters from the show, beginning with Rick Faber, portrayed by Neil Campbell.

Scott Aukerman introduces Rick as "a teen who feels badly for some reason," setting the stage for a nostalgic and humorous exploration of teenage antics captured in Episode 193, originally aired on January 10, 2013, titled "What Else?"

---

2. Welcome to the Show: Introducing Co-host Nancy Cooper

Joining Scott in this episode is Pam Murphy, embodying the character Nancy Cooper, a stand-up comedian from Lawrenceville. Nancy's quirky persona is immediately evident as she discusses her rigorous bus journeys back to Lawrenceville for performances, humorously highlighting the grueling 10-day round trip she endures.

Notable Quote:

Nancy Cooper [05:16]: "It's five days to go back."
(05:16)

Despite the arduous travel, Nancy showcases her dedication to comedy, having performed nine times since her last appearance, with plans to continue expanding her repertoire.

---

3. The Comedic Charm of Kristen Schaal

The episode further enriches the conversation with the arrival of Kristen Schaal, renowned for her voice role as Louise Belcher in Bob's Burgers. Kristen brings her signature humor and a touch of self-deprecation, engaging in lively banter with Scott and Nancy.

Notable Quotes:

Kristen Schaal [11:05]: "I need to start a podcast."
(11:05)
Scott Aukerman [11:00]: "I'll tell you exactly. I make about 423,000 a year on the podcast. About 423. 424."
(11:00)

The trio dives into various comedic exchanges, discussing topics ranging from penny collections to quirky family dynamics, all infused with Kristen's unique comedic flair.

---

4. Exploring Nancy Cooper’s Life and Comedy

Nancy Cooper delves into her life in Lawrenceville, sharing amusing anecdotes about her grandmother's persistent presence in the bathtub and her overwhelming collection of silverware and pennies. Her interactions reveal a blend of eccentricity and endearing traits, painting a vivid picture of her offbeat life.

Notable Quotes:

Nancy Cooper [07:02]: "She’s still in the tub."
(07:02)
Nancy Cooper [08:04]: "She's still in the tub, and then if you want to give me a ride home, then you can help me get her."
(08:04)

Nancy’s humor shines as she navigates conversations about her unusual household setup, including the seven washing machines and her meticulous penny-wrapping routine, all while maintaining a lighthearted demeanor.

---

5. Kristen Schaal’s Insights and Career Highlights

Kristen Schaal offers glimpses into her professional journey, discussing her roles in Bob's Burgers, Flight of the Conchords, and various films like Meet the Krumps. Her candidness about her projects and comedic approach provides listeners with an intimate understanding of her career trajectory.

Notable Quotes:

Kristen Schaal [11:44]: "Louise."
(11:44)
Kristen Schaal [12:11]: "Meet the Krumps. No, the Schmucks."
(12:11)

Kris engages in playful exchanges about her upcoming stand-up shows, teasing potential surprises for her audience and showcasing her improvisational skills alongside Scott and Nancy.

---

6. Interactive Comedy: The "Would You Rather" Game

One of the episode's highlights is the "Would You Rather" game segment, featuring Rick Faber. Scott introduces a bizarre scenario: either fart like a cuckoo clock chimes on the hour or sport a mustache that's a homosexual.

Notable Interaction:

Scott Aukerman [52:45]: "Would you rather fart the number of hours like a grandfather clock chimes on the hour, or have a mustache that is a homosexual?"
(52:45)

Rick engages earnestly, dissecting the implications of each choice with a blend of teenage angst and humor. The game fosters dynamic interactions, with attendees like Kristen and Nancy probing the scenarios with pointed questions.

Notable Questions and Responses:

Rick Faber [54:30]: "They are quite loud. They're about as loud as Big Ben."
(54:30)
Nancy Cooper [55:54]: "It goes on two times. 1, 2, 3 times."
(55:54)

The segment culminates in playful voting, where Nancy emerges as the initial winner, only for Scott to humorously adjust the scores, ultimately declaring Kristen the victor after her innovative twist on her mustache scenario.

Notable Conclusion:

Scott Aukerman [65:21]: "And Kristen, you're the winner. Congratulations."
(65:21)

---

7. Closing Banter and Plugs

As the episode draws to a close, Scott engages in light-hearted banter with Kristen and Nancy, discussing potential future collaborations and upcoming projects. The hosts navigate through playful jabs and humorous scenarios, emphasizing the jovial spirit of the show.

Notable Quotes:

Kristen Schaal [48:14]: "I didn't even have to go to college."
(48:14)
Scott Aukerman [74:32]: "I look forward to kidnapping you."
(74:32)

The episode wraps up with Scott briefly mentioning upcoming events, such as the Vancouver Comedy Festival and new podcasts on Earwolf, ensuring listeners are informed of future content without delving into advertising segments.

---

8. Highlights and Key Takeaways

• Nostalgia Meets New Beginnings: The "Teenage Dirtbag" series successfully blends nostalgic elements with fresh interactions, celebrating the longstanding legacy of Comedy Bang Bang.

• Dynamic Guest Interactions: Kristen Schaal and Pam Murphy's portrayals bring depth and humor, engaging in witty exchanges that resonate with both longtime fans and new listeners.

• Engaging Games and Humor: The "Would You Rather" segment exemplifies the podcast's ability to blend structured games with improvisational comedy, showcasing the versatility of its guests.

• Character-Driven Storytelling: Through characters like Nancy Cooper and Rick Faber, the show explores unique comedic personas, enriching the overall narrative with their distinctive quirks and stories.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Nancy Cooper: "It's five days to go back." (05:16)
• Kristen Schaal: "I need to start a podcast." (11:05)
• Nancy Cooper: "She's still in the tub." (07:02)
• Rick Faber: "They are quite loud. They're about as loud as Big Ben." (54:30)
• Scott Aukerman: "And Kristen, you're the winner. Congratulations." (65:21)

---

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang offers a rich tapestry of humor, character exploration, and interactive segments, making it a standout installment in the Bonus Bang series. Through engaging dialogues and playful interactions, Scott Aukerman, alongside Kristen Schaal and Pam Murphy, delivers an entertaining and memorable experience for all listeners.

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

Dreaming of a modern oasis At Allmodern.

[Metro Ad]

We offer the best of modern furniture and decor all in one place, hand vetted for quality and delivered for free in days. Discover outdoor dining sets, sofas and more in every style of modern from Scandi to mid century.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's modern made simple.

[Metro Ad]

Shop [e-mail] going up prices keep going up. These days it feels like being on an elevator that only goes up going up. But not at Metro. We're pushing the down button. Going down, we've lowered prices. Get one line of 5G data for $40 period. That's 20% lower and you get a free 5G phone when you bring your number. Only at Metro.

[Scott Aukerman]

Five year guarantee on eligible plans Exclusion supplies. See website for details. Not available Fab Metro with T Mobile in the past six months Tax supplies Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here and welcome to another Bonus Bang. Bonus Bangs of course, where we re release classic, favorite and infamous episodes of of Comedy Bang Bang from Behind the Paywall. And this week we are pleased to announce that we are kicking off a new Bonus Bang series. In honor of Comedy Bang Bang's Sweet 16 birthday, we're kicking off a series called Teenage Dirtbag where we feature some of the best teen characters that we've ever had on the show. And to start off, we have an oldie but a goodie, Rick Faber. Rick Faber, that's right. Rick, played by Neil Campbell, is a teen who feels badly for some reason. We'll find out during the episode. This Week's episode is 193, originally released on January 10, 2013. It's called what Else? What Else? I'm joined by co host Nancy Cooper, played by Pamela Murphy. Also joined by Kristen Schall, who people would know from Bob's Burgers of course, as well as the aforementioned Rick Faber, played by Neil Campbell. It's a very silly episode and Rick still continues to drop in occasionally as recently as our 2024 tour. And speaking of the tour and of these bonus bangs, if you like what you hear and you want to hear more, you should become a subscriber at CBB World. We have all of our live shows, all of our past episodes ad free episodes. The 2024 Phoenix, Arizona episode that Rick Faber most recently appeared in, as well as the entire archive of everything. Plus other shows like Scott hasn't seen CBB Presents where characters from the show host their own shows. Check it out. We're going to be back on Monday with a new episode, but until then, enjoy this Bonus Bang topped with a Dollop of creme fraiche, a sousan of lemon zest, and a whole buttload of yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Wow, what a catchphrase, Longorama. Thank you so much for that. What a catchphrase. Oh, there's more on this one. They're killing us with points from the paint. Destroying us with points from the paint. Do something. I care about each of you. Boy, that. Oh, no, that's a. That's a separate catchphrase, Longorama. Oh, you snuck two in there. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. It is a. Hey, it's a Thursday. What. What is happening? Why are we releasing an episode on the Thursday? Well, I forgot to tell you on Monday that I'm gonna try to do a couple extra episodes a month of the show, so.

[Kristen Schaal]

Need the cash.

[Scott Aukerman]

Need the cash. Thanks. That's a guest who's coming up who said she clams up on podcasts, then immediately made aspirations about my level of poverty. But she'll be coming up in a second. Maybe you recognize the voice. Maybe you're like, oh, I know who that is. I know her from her foray into voice acting in Bob's Burgers. But we'll get to her. We'll get to her. But, yeah, we're gonna be doing a few Thursday episodes a month, maybe two, sometimes three a month. So this is our first. So enjoy those. Just some extra B B B B B bonus. So. So, yeah, enjoy those. And boy, what. What an episode we have today. Before we get to our main guest, I do want to welcome our co host for the show. You heard her on the Demetri Martin episode last December. The end of the world did not occur. And she's a stand up comedian from Lawrenceville. The last time we saw her, she was trying to get a ride home from Dimitri, who grew up in New Jersey. And we don't know whether that happened or not, but I do want to welcome her. Nancy Cooper is with us. Hello, Nancy.

[Nancy Cooper]

Hi.

[Scott Aukerman]

So great to have you back on the show.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

What brings you to Los Angeles here?

[Nancy Cooper]

Well, I wanted to come back, so I took the bus again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so you did go back to Lawrenceville. Did you get a ride? What happened?

[Nancy Cooper]

I had to take the bus.

[Scott Aukerman]

Took the bus all the way back to Lawrenceville. How long of a trip is that?

[Nancy Cooper]

It's five days to go back.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Nancy Cooper]

And then it's five days to come back.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So it's the exact same amount of time going there as it is to come back. Great. So it sounds like a 10 day round trip.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah. But when I was back, I did more stand up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh good. And now for those of you who didn't hear last year's episode, you have been doing stand up how many performances?

[Nancy Cooper]

Last time I was here I did it six times. And then since then I've done it three more times.

[Scott Aukerman]

Total of nine times.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, so now I've done it nine times. And the next time I do it will be 10. And the next time I do it will be 11. And the next time I do it will be 12.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you do it exclusively where again.

[Nancy Cooper]

It'S a Charlie Brown steakhouse. You know it, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I've heard of Charlie Brown. I mean, Charles Schulz created him back in the 50s.

[Nancy Cooper]

Uh huh. Well, it's a steakhouse.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Nancy Cooper]

And there's a room on the side and Mr. Henry says I can do a stand up down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now here's what I wanted to ask about that room on the side. Are there people in that room on the side like eating or do they have to congregate in order to see the show?

[Nancy Cooper]

I think that they're waiting for a table.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so it's more of a lounge area. Is there a bar?

[Nancy Cooper]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh wow. I would hate to hang out in a tiny room with no bar waiting for a table.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, there's just. And then I do my. I tell jokes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Uh huh. Is it by the main entrance? Do people walk in?

[Nancy Cooper]

It's by the bathroom.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I mean that's not mutually exclusive. It can be by both the main entrance and the bathroom.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah. Uh huh. It's by the. But when you walk in, then you have to walk to the left and then there's the bathroom and then there's the room.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so anyone going out there in Lawrenceville, New Jersey, who wants to see Nancy stand up, you walk in, you walk to the left, and then you walk to the left again and there's that room and there's a good chance you'll be doing it. How often do you do that? I mean, you've done it three times in the last month. It sounds like. So once every nine days.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, once every, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is there a particular night that you do it on?

[Nancy Cooper]

No. And sometimes I do it at four and sometimes I do it at seven.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy is more of a night thing. If Arsenio taught us anything.

[Nancy Cooper]

I got a new cat too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, unrelated or is that related to your comedy career?

[Nancy Cooper]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tell us about your cat.

[Nancy Cooper]

I just got a new one. So now I have 18.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh gosh. Yeah. And we heard a lot about your grandmother who has trouble getting out of the bath.

[Nancy Cooper]

She's still in the tub.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's in the tub? Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

And then if you want to give me a ride home, then you can help me get her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get her out of the tub? Yeah. You had a lot of trouble getting her out of the tub, as I recall. You need a lot of help in that regard. And a lot of washing machines on your front porch.

[Nancy Cooper]

Uh huh. There's seven. Hey, did you ever notice how there's seven washing machines on my front porch? You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about? You know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was one of your signature jokes that we talked about last time.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah. And then you know what else I learned? I learned something else.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's that?

[Nancy Cooper]

After you tell a joke, you know, first you have to say, have you ever noticed? Have you ever noticed? Or don't you hate it when. And then after you say your joke, then you say, you know what I mean, you know what I'm talking about. But then before you can say another joke, you have to say, what else, what else, what else, what else, what.

[Scott Aukerman]

Else, what else, what else, what else.

[Nancy Cooper]

What else, what else, what else, what else?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Have you ever. Now we talked about putting them all together last time. Don't you hate it when. No. Have you ever noticed you hate it when. Fill in the blank. You guys know what I mean? What else, what else, what else, what else? So, boy, the evolution of the craft.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, like, did you ever notice. Don't you hate it when you have to sleep on the couch because your room is filled with National Geographic magazines? You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about? You know what I mean? What else, what else, what else, what else?

[Scott Aukerman]

Great, that's really good. That's some A material there.

[Nancy Cooper]

Uh huh. Because it's true.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, well, comedy comes from truth.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, exactly, because there's National Geographic stacked up in what was my bedroom.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but you know, that's relatable because we all know if. Even if we don't have National Geographics in our own room, we have them in some room. So it's relatable to everyone.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, yeah, and there's some AARP magazines too.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, and those must be your grandmothers, I'm guessing. All right, well, I mean, if you haven't heard of Nancy before, I think that gives you a pretty good sort of frame of reference of what her life is like. And we'll talk a little bit. We didn't talk last time about the wheelchair that you're in. We'll talk about that a little bit after we talk to our next guest here. A little bit. But our next guest is a stand up comedian and a very acclaimed one at that. And so, Nancy, I bet you have a lot of questions for her and we'll get to those after we introduce her. But you heard her voice before talking about how poor I am.

[Kristen Schaal]

I did not talk about that. I asked a question. Is it because you need the money or do you just love podcasts?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, you said you need the money.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, whoops. But how much money do you make on these podcasts?

[Scott Aukerman]

On these podcasts? Yeah, it's any. I mean, you know, a lot of times people don't want to talk about how much money they make, but I'll.

[Kristen Schaal]

Tell you, it's a new year.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll tell you exactly. I make about 423,000 a year on the podcast. About 423. 424.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's not a bad living.

[Kristen Schaal]

I need to start a podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not Hollywood good, but, you know, I mean, there's probably. I don't know what people make outside of Hollywood, I would imagine. What do people make? 300,000 a year or something like that outside of Hollywood? I don't know. The standard of living out here is a little different. But I mean, how much money do you make on Bob's Burgers? We'll say your name in a second.

[Kristen Schaal]

Like $2,000.

[Scott Aukerman]

$2,000 an episode or a minute. A laugh.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's like a month.

[Rick Faber]

A month?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have to get into podcasting.

[Kristen Schaal]

I gotta get into. What am I doing?

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you doing?

[Kristen Schaal]

I'm giving it away for free.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know, but hey, let's talk about some of your credits. Bob's Burgers. We talked about that. You play. What character do you play?

[Kristen Schaal]

Louise.

[Scott Aukerman]

Louise Belcher, Wife to the titular Bob.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, she's the daughter. The younger boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you're the daughter. That's right.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right.

[Kristen Schaal]

I've never seen the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, of course I have.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's amazing.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's his name? John plays.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, John Roberts. Yeah, John.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And you also were on Flight of the Concords. People remember you from that. You're in a lot of movies. Meet the Krumps. No, the Schmucks.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, Meet the Krumps. Yes, I played all the Krumps.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right, of course. Kristen Schaal is Here. Welcome to the show. First time on the show. Thanks for coming.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, thanks for inviting me finally.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were on one of our live Chicago shows back in the day.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were in a bit of a hurry, as I recall.

[Kristen Schaal]

I had to go do another show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. But you're nice enough to come and do about 10 minutes.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, yeah, I mean, getting invited to do a Scott Ackerman podcast is a huge honor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. I spread the wealth around. That's the other thing, Really. I make that 423. 424. But I, you know, I share it with all of you, so. All my guests.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my gosh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So you're gonna walk out with a little walking around money?

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Thank you so much.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, it's my pleasure. Of course.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my God, I'm so hungry.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're hungry? Sure. What's going on?

[Kristen Schaal]

I just. I haven't had the change to make it over to the Red Lobster in a long time.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about a Charlie Brown steakhouse? See, I'm bringing it back around here to Nancy.

[Nancy Cooper]

You should. Are you gonna give me money, too?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you're just the co host.

[Nancy Cooper]

You're not a guest, so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, unfortunately.

[Nancy Cooper]

Do you know what pennies are?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

Cause I collect them.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, there's like.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have a coin collection, do you mean?

[Nancy Cooper]

Well, I collect pennies, and then I put them in wrappers, and then I take them to the bank. Give me money for them. And you have to put 50 pennies in each wrapper.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. And what do they give back to you for that?

[Nancy Cooper]

If you give them two wrappers full of pennies, that's 50 cents each. They give you a dollar back.

[Kristen Schaal]

A paper dollar.

[Nancy Cooper]

A paper dollar bill.

[Kristen Schaal]

You know what you should really look for? There is a penny, the 1943 penny. If you find it, it's worth $10,000.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right now, I think there's a 1927 S or something like that. That's the. The most rare penny in the world. Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, I probably had a bunch of them.

[Kristen Schaal]

You probably give them away. You really need to look at those dates.

[Nancy Cooper]

Okay. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

That might take a little more time. I'd say maybe four times as long to check the date.

[Kristen Schaal]

Just check the dates.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sounds like you have a lot of time on your hands.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm.

[Kristen Schaal]

I am worried about your grandma. Is anyone else worried about. I mean, she's cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, we heard a lot about her. She's fine. She's still in that tub.

[Kristen Schaal]

Everything good she just likes to soak.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah. And she's like, hey, don't you hate it when your grandma's like, hey, Nancy, stop rummaging through the closets?

[Kristen Schaal]

You know what else, what else, what else?

[Nancy Cooper]

What else? You know? Mm. You're good at it. You're good at it.

[Kristen Schaal]

I'm learning from you, actually. How long is your set? Do you have a type 5?

[Nancy Cooper]

It could be like 5 minutes or it could be like 10 minutes, or sometimes it's 20 minutes and then 20 minutes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you just get off on a roll? Do you like, do crowd work?

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm, uh huh. I just, you know. Cause it's all stuff, you know, from real life, you know, so your crowd.

[Scott Aukerman]

Work is from real life.

[Nancy Cooper]

And then I say, hey, did you ever notice that there's a man sitting next to a woman in a chair?

[Scott Aukerman]

So your crowd work is a little more like observational comedy about the people in front of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do they take that? How do they.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah. Then they say, yeah. And then I go, you know what I mean? You know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. People enjoy your act.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm, mm. I'm good at it. I'm good at it.

[Kristen Schaal]

I bet you are. Why did you give me that look?

[Nancy Cooper]

I'm good at it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, I bet you are. Good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Speaking of good at it, you're good at it, Kristen, because you have a special coming up, a Comedy Central one hour special. No, it's coming out this next week, right?

[Kristen Schaal]

No, no, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

I read about it. I read online.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, they made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes. They made a mistake. So it's not coming out.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not coming out now. Cause I read a big press release where Comedy Central talked about everything that was coming out. And you have the Nick Kroll show, which comes out next week. And we'll talk about. We'll talk about that next week, but your show is not coming out. It's a big special on next week.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, I asked them to not release it because it didn't go the way I planned. So it's definitely not coming out January 18th. If it comes out at all, I'll be surprised.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry.

[Nancy Cooper]

That's okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't mean to bring it up. Yeah, I wish I was just reading the latest press release. They didn't put out a press release correcting that press release.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, I guarantee you it's not coming out January 18th.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

So sorry. And those people that came to San Francisco and saw the show, they will know why.

[Scott Aukerman]

When did you tape it?

[Kristen Schaal]

A while ago. So Anyways, what else shall we talk about?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sorry.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, but you are a stand up.

[Kristen Schaal]

Comedian and I was.

[Scott Aukerman]

You probably have some advice for, for Nancy here.

[Kristen Schaal]

I, I would say just, just keep, just keep going. Never stop, you know, just get in that spotlight. You know, Another good thing to do is do you have a microphone at all? Cause it's good to like play with the microphone, like different distances. Like, you can hold the mic really close.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have a mic in front of you. You don't have to mime it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kristen is talking into a microphone and then miming a microphone going back and forth. You can just use the one right in front of you.

[Kristen Schaal]

So, you know, so Nancy, you're just like, you're just like, da, da, da, da. And then you could just take it out here. Like, this is an harsh Barker move that you can just practice with is, you know, you're talking like this. And then Arjbarger, sometimes he'll like drop the mic to his side and he'll yell out the rest. And it's really effective.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

And there's also, you could do the Hamilton Barez move, which is kind of like he's not gonna do a trumpet up here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, she just put the mic. Sort of like Liam Gallagher in Oasis.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, kind of. Yeah. A lot of comedians don't do that. The other thing comedians do is they get really close.

[Kristen Schaal]

They get really close.

[Scott Aukerman]

They get really close.

[Kristen Schaal]

They put their hand over the top, you know, and they're just like, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pretty good, Nancy.

[Kristen Schaal]

It's pretty good.

[Nancy Cooper]

I think I did it Good. You know, if you want to come to Charlie Brown's, I can talk to Mr. Henry for you and you can come up. You can come up and perform there if you want. I could talk to him.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, that sounds like a delight.

[Scott Aukerman]

You used to live in New York, so not too far.

[Kristen Schaal]

No. Well, I've never heard of this Charlie Brown's Steakhouse.

[Nancy Cooper]

It's on Route 9 in Lawrenceville.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay. All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

That tells you everything you need to know.

[Kristen Schaal]

When are you getting back there? Aren't you here now, though?

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, I'm here now. So then it's gonna take me five days to get back on the bus. You know, someone on the bus said that I looked 53. I'm only 22.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you smiled when you said that like it was a good thing.

[Nancy Cooper]

Uh huh. Because the older you look, the cheaper the bus is.

[Scott Aukerman]

We talked about that last time. I don't think the bus lowers its rate for 53 year olds. I think it's like 65 and above, but you're hoping to get there.

[Nancy Cooper]

Last time someone said they thought I was 49. How old do you think I am?

[Kristen Schaal]

22.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you just said it.

[Nancy Cooper]

But I look 53.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, you could do that. You could do that and do a joke right there.

[Nancy Cooper]

Did you ever notice that I look 53? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about. What else, what else, what else? What else?

[Scott Aukerman]

Not bad. Any critique?

[Kristen Schaal]

Kristen, I just think she needs to, like, put like a. I don't know, you just need to surprise them a little bit. And it's like, did you ever notice fact? And then you need to, like, put a twist on the end.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, like, what would you do with that kind of. Kind of joke structure? So someone says to you, hey, you look 53, Kristen. And you sit there and you mull.

[Kristen Schaal]

It over and you, well, my taste, I would probably be like, did you ever notice that I look 53? Well, my pussy will tell you different. And then I would whip out the labias and be like, look at the rings around my labias. And we would like, count them. And everyone in the audience know what I mean? What else? What else? Yeah, especially in Lawrenceville because they're looking for that kind of performance. I'm sure Karen Findlay came there a couple times, covered herself in honey and screamed. So they would be like, aching for it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that I'd be expecting that if I'm sitting in the tiny room. Oh, okay, there's your point. There's your point.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's comedy.

[Scott Aukerman]

What would Mr. Henry think about that?

[Nancy Cooper]

Do you think he would probably be like, nancy, you can go ahead up on. Go on stage again if you want.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's his normal critique of your act. Is that the extent of what Mr. Henry has said to you? How did you get to know Mr. Henry?

[Nancy Cooper]

Uh huh. Uh huh.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, how did you get to know Mr. Henry is my question.

[Nancy Cooper]

Oh, well, they were getting rid of all their old knives and forks and spoons.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Nancy Cooper]

At the Charlie Brown Steakhouse, because I guess they're getting new ones.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Nancy Cooper]

And so my grandma said she heard.

[Scott Aukerman]

About this in the newspaper or on the news or something like this. She was out of the tub at this moment?

[Nancy Cooper]

No, she was still in the tub.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Nancy Cooper]

So she was like, nancy, go down and get them. And so then I went down and I said, hi, can I have. Did you ever notice that I went to Charlie Brown Steakhouse?

[Scott Aukerman]

You said this to Mr. Henry?

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. And what did he say back to you?

[Nancy Cooper]

And he said, are you here to get the knives and forks and spoons? And I said, mm. And then he said, you know, if you ever want a job, you know, and I said, okay, I could do, be a stand up comedian. And then that's how it happened.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was that the job he was talking about or did he have something else?

[Nancy Cooper]

Um, I don't know, because they have dishwashers and they have a busser.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does he pay you to do this?

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm. Mm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm.

[Kristen Schaal]

Mm. I wanna know how much silverware you have now.

[Nancy Cooper]

Um, we have five drawers full of utensils in our kitchen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's a lot of it seems. Do you have a lot of company? It sounds like you can't even get anyone to get grandma out of the tub. Why do you need so much silverware?

[Nancy Cooper]

No, no, it's to have it. We have 10 jars full of buttons.

[Kristen Schaal]

If I were in your house, and I. God, I hope I am someday, I would probably take all the buttons and I would glue them to all the knives, and then I would spell out letters or something and make banners around the house. Or you could make like, stars. Snowflake stars. With the buttons and the knives, you know, and hang them up around. Real kitschy.

[Nancy Cooper]

You should come over to my house. You should come.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you think your grandmother would feel about that kind of behavior in her house with all her buttons and all of her silverware?

[Nancy Cooper]

No, you can't touch, but you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

She'S in the tub. She can't stop her.

[Nancy Cooper]

The one thing that you can do is you can go in the basement. Like, the shirt's from the basement.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's. I mean. Yeah, that's. I don't quite know what to say about that shirt.

[Kristen Schaal]

Mm.

[Nancy Cooper]

It's from the basement.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. It looks like a basement shirt. If I had to describe a basement shirt, I would say that's.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, absolutely. Where was it? In the basement?

[Nancy Cooper]

There was an old trunk. And then I move that trunk. Did you ever notice there's an old trunk and then you have to move that trunk, and then under the trunk is a bucket.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, it's.

[Kristen Schaal]

Wait, under the trunk is a bucket. Was it balancing. The trunk was balancing on the bucket.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm. The trunk was balancing on the bucket.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the shirt was inside that bucket.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm. The shirt was inside the bucket with a sponge.

[Kristen Schaal]

What were you doing moving the trunk in the first place, Nancy?

[Nancy Cooper]

Uh, I. I opened the trunk. Cause. And then it fell.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it fell off the bucket. So the shirt you're wearing was more used as a rag to clean cars, I'm assuming. Or clean the basement walls.

[Nancy Cooper]

You can go in the basement. And she doesn't say anything about the basement stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so. But she's a taskmaster when it comes to everything up on the. How many floors is the house?

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm, mm. Three.

[Scott Aukerman]

Three floor house. Wow. Yeah. The wheelchair. Do you wanna talk about the wheelchair? Is that what you're asking? Yeah. What happened there? What?

[Kristen Schaal]

How do you get to your basement?

[Nancy Cooper]

I don't need this wheelchair. It's just for fun.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you have no impairment.

[Nancy Cooper]

It was my grandma's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. It was your grandma's chair. She no longer needs it because she's in the tub. So you think it's fun. So you're out there. Scoot.

[Nancy Cooper]

And people, you know, people think that I'm 53 because of it. I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's why. And you take it on the bus with you.

[Nancy Cooper]

Uh huh. And you get extra special.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

Extra special stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like what?

[Nancy Cooper]

Cause then they stop and then it goes.

[Scott Aukerman]

That is special.

[Nancy Cooper]

Uh huh. And then you go on.

[Scott Aukerman]

So extra special noises. Yeah. Okay. The perks. Hey, the perks. Some free noises.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

Do you ever get recognized? Because I get recognized all the time.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, wow. By who?

[Nancy Cooper]

Well, this lady Donna. She works at the Wawa. And she was like, hey, aren't you Nancy Cooper? And I was like, uh huh. And then she's like, you live in the Red House? And I was like, yeah. And then she was like, you have the old Buick Skylark in your front yard. And I was like, yeah. And then I was like, hey, did you ever notice how there's an old Buick Skylark in our front yard? And she said, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

She said, yeah, I just told you. Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

And I said, what else? What else? And she said, did you ever want to sell it? Then I'd have to get a new cat house.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, that's pretty funny. That's like the. That's a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, that's not bad.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's a good joke.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's actually him.

[Nancy Cooper]

That's a joke.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know you're not trying right now.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, that's when it happens.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you're just recounting a story and you didn't expect that to be funny at all.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah. Here, I can do it. I'll do it right now. I'll do it right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, do it. Translate it into the end.

[Nancy Cooper]

Okay. Did you ever notice, don't you hate it when there's a Buick Skylark in your front yard? You know What? I mean, you know what I'm talking about. What else? What else? What else? What else?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Kristen Schaal]

And they say. And then someone wants to sell it, someone wants to buy it. And you're like, great, I'll have to get a new cat house. And then you're like, hey, if you want to find me, follow the trail of silverware back to ShopRite.

[Scott Aukerman]

See, I think you guys could work together.

[Kristen Schaal]

I would love to train you. I would love to be your master.

[Nancy Cooper]

Okay. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know about master, but I mean, you know, maybe she could be your apprentice or.

[Kristen Schaal]

Apprentice master.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, but I mean, you're kind of implying that she's gonna be your slave.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, I think that's where it has to start.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know, Krista. That's not really the tradition of being a kid.

[Kristen Schaal]

She's faking it in a wheelchair.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, how do you see this relationship going then? Do you see Nancy coming out here to LA and hanging out with you?

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my God. Nancy, I would just like to officially invite you to come live with me in my place. Live with me. We'll wake up every morning together. We'll do some exercises.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sleeping in the same bed or.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, you can sleep on the couch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You're used to it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Probably really fancy for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, she's on a couch where she is.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, okay. Okay. And then we'll get up. We'll, you know, and we'll. All we'll do is study comedy all day long, and then we'll go and you can watch me do shows at night. You can't do the shows. You can watch me do the shows.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is she doing chores during the day as well, or while you study comedy? I mean.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, a little. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

And then can you cook?

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, I like to make. Do you know what Cheez Whiz is?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

And do you know what Bugles are?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

And then I like to put Cheez Whiz in the Bugles. And that's how you make that.

[Kristen Schaal]

That sounds great.

[Nancy Cooper]

And then I make that all the time. And then you know what else I make? I also make pudding.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? From scratch.

[Nancy Cooper]

It comes in a cup.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. You buy it at the store.

[Nancy Cooper]

Then you have to rip the top off. Did you ever notice that when you buy pudding, you have to rip the top off?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

And you know what I mean. And you know what I'm talking about. And you know what I mean.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're right.

[Kristen Schaal]

What else? What else? What else? You guys, it'd be amazing.

[Scott Aukerman]

What A perfect.

[Kristen Schaal]

This is going to be a duo act.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is like when Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis got together. You know what I mean? Like just two shining stars on their own. But then when they got together, it was magic. Or like heart to heart.

[Kristen Schaal]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, you know what I mean?

[Kristen Schaal]

Like what that guy said about that Lawrence and Olivier. I mean, it's definitely.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, when Mr. And Mrs. Olivier decided to call their baby Lawrence, boom, there was a partnership right there. First name, last name. Guys, we got it.

[Nancy Cooper]

But I'm gonna have to take the bus back to Lawrenceville.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do you. Why go back?

[Nancy Cooper]

Because I have to perform at the Charlie Brown Steakhouse.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then those days are done. Those days are done.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're with Kristen now. Yeah. You better call Mr. Henry.

[Nancy Cooper]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Call your grandma.

[Nancy Cooper]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

I mean, I see an album. Cutting an album with Nancy on Sub Pop in two months.

[Scott Aukerman]

Two months. Oh, my God. That's kind of weird.

[Kristen Schaal]

I mean, it's gonna be like, like, it's gonna be like 24 hour seven working on this.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, tell you what, we need to take a break here and when we come back, we'll have more Kristen Schaal, more Nancy Cooper, and we have another special guest coming up. So we'll be right back with a little comedy bang bang after this.

[Kristen Schaal]

Is this live?

[Scott Aukerman]

Going up?

[Metro Ad]

Prices keep going up. These days it feels like being on an elevator that only goes up, going up. But not at Metro. We're pushing the down button. Going down, we've lowered prices. Get one line of 5G data for $40, period. That's 20% lower. And you get a free 5G phone when you bring your number. Only at Metro.

[Scott Aukerman]

Five year guarantee on eligible plans exclusion supplies. See website for details. Not available at Metro with T Mobile in the past six months. Tax supplies.

[Metro Ad]

Inspired by Judy Blume's groundbreaking 1975 novel Forever Watch the reimagined coming of age series about young love by Mara Bracha Kiel, the iconic creator Girlfriends. The epic love story follows two black teens, Keisha and Justin, as they explore romance and their identities through the awkward journey of being each other's firsts. Watch forever. Premiering May 8th only on Netflix. Is anyone out there another salesperson enduring the endless search?

[Nancy Cooper]

Exhausting.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you want to get right to.

[Metro Ad]

The right conversations, you need LinkedIn Sales Navigator.

[Rick Faber]

Whether you're looking for new leads or.

[Metro Ad]

Strengthening existing relationships at your top accounts, get right to the right conversations with LinkedIn Sales Navigator.

[Scott Aukerman]

Try LinkedIn Sales Navigator now with a.

[Metro Ad]

Free 60 day [e-mail] trial. That's LinkedIn.com trial terms and conditions apply.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy bang Bang. We're back here with Kristen Schall is here. She's putting on her headphones.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, I guess you call the shots.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I decide when we come back, when we're done, you know, I mean, it's pretty much after the commercial.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So welcome back.

[Kristen Schaal]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks for being on the show.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my God, thanks for having me.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a new year. A lot of exciting things happening to you. Tell us a little bit about Bob's Burgers.

[Kristen Schaal]

Bob's Burgers is a show on Fox. It's an animated show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cool, thanks. Anyway, so we also have Nancy Cooper here and she's a stand up comedian. And we have a new guest, first time on the show. And I don't really know that much information about you. You're a teenager.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And Rick Faber is here. Hello, Rick.

[Rick Faber]

Hey, what's up?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, how are you? Thanks for coming to the show. Coming on the show. Coming to the show.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah, whatever. I'm actually, I'm terrible because life sucks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Rick Faber]

I mean, it doesn't suck for me, it just sucks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Meaning that there's so many.

[Rick Faber]

I mean, it sucks for adults who have to deal with our teenage. Me and my teenage buddies who have to deal with our irresponsible behavior.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, it sucks for adults who have to deal with you and your buddy's irresponsible behavior.

[Rick Faber]

I feel so bad for all these adults who have to deal with us teenagers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Hmm.

[Rick Faber]

Like the other day we were at CityWalk watching Django Unchained and there were these adults and they clearly just wanted to enjoy the movie. And me and my friends, we were sitting there talking and texting and laughing and we just ruined their whole experience. And I feel awful about that.

[Scott Aukerman]

So sorry. So sorry to hear that. That's. That's terrible. Well, welcome to the show. It's great to have you. You seem sullen, you seem a little upset, but it's all because you feel bad for parents, I guess. Kristen, what do you think about this? A teenage boy on the show all of a sudden.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, I'm terrified. Yeah, he's scared of teenagers. He's kinda.

[Rick Faber]

I don't blame you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're wearing.

[Rick Faber]

We've earned this reputation.

[Nancy Cooper]

Ugh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Describe your clothes because they're outlandish to me. An adult.

[Rick Faber]

Well, I've got baggy purple shorts on and skate shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, boy. Those are unlike shoes that I wear in my normal life. They seem to be apropos for skating or something.

[Rick Faber]

And a Metallica T shirt that has a knife coming out of a toilet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ugh. God. Two things that I cannot stand. Violence and potty humor.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

Did you get them from the basement?

[Rick Faber]

No, my mom bought them for me and I wasn't even grateful.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, man.

[Rick Faber]

I'm the worst. All of us teenagers are. And we feel terrible about it.

[Kristen Schaal]

Why do you keep doing it?

[Rick Faber]

Because we aren't. Our brains aren't developed enough yet.

[Scott Aukerman]

I see. It's. It's. It's youth. It's just a part of youth.

[Rick Faber]

We saw this guy the other day, me and my buddies. This guy who's probably about early 30s, blonde hair, looked like a totally normal cool guy. Very cool, I'd probably even say. And he was. He saw his friends across the street, so he started skipping across the crosswalk. He wasn't doing it genuinely. He was doing it to get a laugh.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was doing it to make his.

[Rick Faber]

Friends laugh, to make his buddies laugh. But we still poked our heads out of the car and yelled at him and made fun of him and called him a little prissy. What were we even thinking? He was clearly a cool guy trying to just make his friends laugh. It's like we don't even get irony.

[Scott Aukerman]

Boy. Yeah, that's rough. It's a rough life to be that self aware.

[Rick Faber]

It's the worst. We teenagers are aware that we are the worst.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Rick Faber]

And we feel awful about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you really? I've never. To be quite frank, I've never met a teenager who's felt awful about the way they.

[Rick Faber]

No. We realized recently we should feel awful. So now we all do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Kristen Schaal]

That. You're not gonna change.

[Rick Faber]

Ugh, probably not. Would that I could, but I can't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why not? Why can't you change? Anyone can change.

[Rick Faber]

Because we. It's a herd mentality. Me and my friends get together and we just. We can't. We. It's like we can't even think for ourselves. It's like we don't have a brain of our own. We just kinda do what we think makes us look cool, even though we know it's lame to do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Do you look cool? Do you think?

[Rick Faber]

No, obviously not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I mean, look at your. Your outfit. I mean, how are you supposed to really, you know, be a productive member of society wearing that?

[Rick Faber]

I know. Do you think I could go into a job interview looking like this?

[Scott Aukerman]

No way. And yet you do it anyway. Have you ever gone into a job interview looking like that?

[Rick Faber]

Yeah. And I got the job, but it was at a skate shop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. What did. How long have you worked there?

[Rick Faber]

I've worked there about eight months.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You like the job?

[Rick Faber]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Are you a good employee?

[Rick Faber]

Well, yeah. Kids come in, they want to learn how to ollie. I teach them or I give them the. You know, I sell them a book, how to ollie.

[Kristen Schaal]

There's a whole book on just how to ollie.

[Rick Faber]

Just how to ollie? Yeah, it's a series.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it's a series. It's like the Harry Potter series.

[Rick Faber]

I mean, in that. It's a series of books. Yes.

[Kristen Schaal]

What's so complicated about ollie?

[Rick Faber]

Weight, balance. Balancing your weight.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then do you skate yourself?

[Rick Faber]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Rick Faber]

Kick flips. Ollies.

[Kristen Schaal]

What's the difference between a kickflip and an ollie?

[Rick Faber]

Kickflip. You flip the board around as you're going up. Ollie just you're hopping up. You're hopping a curb.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, you're just. An ollie is a curb hop, basically.

[Rick Faber]

I mean, you don't have to do it over a curb. You could do it over a ditch. An obstacle in your way as you're going down the side. A frog.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe a little frog.

[Rick Faber]

There was a frog in the sidewalk. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You probably wouldn't want to hit the frog.

[Rick Faber]

You know what? I probably wouldn't care. And I probably would hit the frog because I don't even have any respect for anything but myself.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not even nature?

[Rick Faber]

No. Or nurture.

[Kristen Schaal]

Do you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend?

[Rick Faber]

No. And if I knew someone who was gay, I'd probably make fun of him for that. That's how short minded I am.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my goodness.

[Rick Faber]

That's a term.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a term. Yeah. I've heard of narrow minded, but short minded?

[Rick Faber]

I don't. Yeah. Maybe if I paid more attention in school. The school that my parents pay so much for me to go to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you got a private school.

[Rick Faber]

Mm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. And you don't even pay attention. They're spending all that money.

[Rick Faber]

No. Yeah. They send me to Besant Hill School in Ojai. And they're paying a ton of money and I don't even pay attention.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. I know someone whose uncle works there or worked there.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah. Worked there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So. Wow.

[Rick Faber]

You wanna know something else terrible I did?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Why hit us?

[Rick Faber]

Okay. We were at Moonlight Roller Rink the other day.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. In Glendale.

[Rick Faber]

In Glendale.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Rick Faber]

And we had on. And we were roller skating around and we saw this guy there also. Blonde hair, early 30s.

[Scott Aukerman]

Same guy or. No.

[Rick Faber]

I mean, I never thought about it. It possibly could have been.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. He may be wandering around wondering why he's being tormented by this could be, I don't know, specific group of teenagers.

[Kristen Schaal]

What's amazing is that you can peg him for early 30s because when I was a teenager, everyone was just old.

[Rick Faber]

No, he definitely looks like he's 32. Verging on 33.

[Scott Aukerman]

32 or 33. And he has blonde hair.

[Rick Faber]

Blonde hair. I mean, if I were to guess a name. Noel Clamp. Bull. Okay, I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know anyone by the name of Noel Clampbowl. But I know people who have names like that.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah. That first name, that last name, both very common. So we saw this guy and he had brought rollerblades to the rink instead of renting the roller skates. Like we.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. So his own. His own pair.

[Rick Faber]

His own pair of rollerblades. No one else there had rollerblades. Everyone else had roller skates. So obviously he's cool. He thinks for himself. He's doing a really like cool thing by wearing roller blades at the roller blades.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's an experienced skater.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah. And he's independent minded.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Rick Faber]

He doesn't have to follow the crowd like us lame teenagers do. He just can do his own thing. Yet we still made fun of him. And we started making fun of him and we go, hey, nice rollerblades. Yeah. Weirdo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah. Yeah. You f O T W. And he was like, huh? And then we were like freak of the week. And he was like, oh man. And so. But then get this. He had the perfect comeback that really put us in our place.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay, good.

[Rick Faber]

So you're like, nice rollerblade. And he was like, well, actually, rollerblade is a brand name. These are technically inline skates. And the brand is K2. I mean, perfect, right? Totally nailed us.

[Scott Aukerman]

That guy. Wow.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

To have the presence of mind to come back like that.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Is back on top.

[Rick Faber]

No, but we didn't even. We didn't even give him his due for that awesome comeback.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you didn't?

[Rick Faber]

Yeah, whatever, loser. Fot. We were the worst. God, I can't believe we made fun of that super cool guy who was wearing rollerblades and may have also been the guy who was skipping across the street at one point and I think was also at Django Unchained at City Walk when we were talking.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh man. Ugh.

[Rick Faber]

That poor awesome man. We're the worst.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Well, yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Guess if you see him again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What would you do if you saw the guy again?

[Rick Faber]

Probably ask for his autograph. And, you know, people who were teenagers roughly 13 to 17 years ago had it way harder than we do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Rick Faber]

Ugh.

[Kristen Schaal]

Are you sure? Because I'm wondering if that's true. Cause, you know, you got your bullying at school, and then we used to come home and we were free of it. Like, maybe our brother was a dick or whatever.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bowling at school? Is that what you said?

[Kristen Schaal]

Bullying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, bullying.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay, Sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cause I took a bowling class when I was in school. I was wondering why you. Why you would bring this up.

[Kristen Schaal]

Bullying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

But then we'd go home and we'd be pretty much free of it. But now you go home and you got cyber bullying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, and cyber bullying.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's the other thing, is that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. On the Wii.

[Nancy Cooper]

On the Wii.

[Kristen Schaal]

On the Wii, man. So anyway, so it's just like, you know, it's now. Now there's no escape. And then you have your nightmares.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, everyone has nightmares. Yeah, I think. I think everyone since the cavemen had nightmares.

[Kristen Schaal]

I think night is about sleeping, is about having nightmares. As far as I. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you think cavemen nightmares were? Were they like, oh, no, I'm not naked in front of everyone. Anyway, we'll be right back. No, no, no, no. We're not going to break on that.

[Rick Faber]

Oh, I'm so dumb. I thought we really were.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, me too. Cause you're calling random shots over here. You know, you're throwing in new podcasts.

[Scott Aukerman]

We will be right back. Tell you what, let's take one more break. When we come back, we'll be right back with Nancy Cooper. Right back with Rick Faber and Kristen Schaal. Comedy Bang Bang. After this. Welcome back to Listen to your heart. I'm Jerry. And I'm Jerry's Heart. Today's topic, Repatha evolocimab heart. Why'd you pick this one? Well, Jerry, for people who have had a heart attack like us, diet and exercise might not be enough to lower the risk of another one. Okay. To help know if we're at risk, we should be getting our ldlc, our bad cholesterol checked, and talking to our doctor. I'm listening. And if it's still too high, Repatha can be added to a statin to lower our LDL C and our heart attack risk.

[Nancy Cooper]

Hmm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Guess it's time to ask about Repatha.

[Metro Ad]

Do not take Repatha if you are allergic to it. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Get medical help right away. If you have trouble breathing or swallowing, swelling of the face, lips, tongue, throat, or arms Common side effects include runny nose, sore throat, common cold symptoms, flu or flu like symptoms Back pain, high blood sugar and redness Pain or bruising at the injection site.

[Scott Aukerman]

Listen to your heart. Ask your doctor about Repatha. Learn [e-mail] or call 1-844-repatha when life.

[Metro Ad]

Brings the blah, Add more yabba dabba doo with some tasty fruity Pebbles.

[Scott Aukerman]

Early morning meeting blah.

[Metro Ad]

Someone brought the Pebbles. Yabba dabba doo. Run errands, blah. Head to the store for Pebbles. Yabba dabba doo. Fruity Pebbles Less blah, more yabba dabba doo. Pick up pebble cereal today. Yabba dabba doo in the Flintstones and all related characters and elements Copyright and trademark Hanna Barbera Going up, Prices keep going up. These days it feels like being on an elevator that only goes up. Going up. But not at Metro. We're pushing the down button. Going down, we've lowered prices. Get one line of 5G data for $40, period. That's 20% lower. And you get a free 5G phone when you bring your number only at Metro.

[Scott Aukerman]

Five year guarantee on eligible plans. Exclusions apply. See website for details. Not available. FAB Metro with T Mobile in the past six months Tax supplies Comedy Bang Bang. We are back with Kristen Schaal. Our star of stage and screen is here.

[Kristen Schaal]

Thank you so much for that. I really needed to hear that.

[Scott Aukerman]

In 2013, you're starting your own stand up show in Los Angeles, correct?

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Monday night.

[Kristen Schaal]

Correct. At the Virgil. Monday nights at 8. Kurt Brownholder and myself will be doing Hot tub.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is January 10th, of course. But when does that start?

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, it started.

[Scott Aukerman]

It started already.

[Kristen Schaal]

What starts on the 7th? Yeah, January 7th.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it started on Monday. And how much money does it cost to get into this show? I'm gonna decide when you tell me.

[Kristen Schaal]

19. $5 online and $7 at the door.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you think of that, Rick?

[Rick Faber]

I don't even budget like my dad tried to teach me how to do. So if I had it in my pocket, I would just spend it. I'd go to that show and just.

[Kristen Schaal]

Spend $5 without even thinking it in. So it's 21 and over.

[Rick Faber]

Instead of bar, I'd probably use a fake id.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on.

[Rick Faber]

Not thinking about how that could get the bar owners in trouble.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Not thinking about who died to get that fake ID in New York, Right.

[Rick Faber]

Probably it's someone in Afghanistan again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Oh my gosh.

[Nancy Cooper]

I could go because I'm 22.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, you are going because you're living with Me and you go everywhere I go now.

[Nancy Cooper]

Okay. And then I'm gonna go up, and I'm gonna get. I'm gonna go up.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, you're not going up.

[Nancy Cooper]

Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

Because you're not ready.

[Nancy Cooper]

Rick, how do you think I look?

[Rick Faber]

How do I think you look?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, she's old. She's an adult, so that could be right.

[Rick Faber]

She just said she's 22.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah, she did.

[Rick Faber]

But being a rude teenager, rather than saying a younger age, I'm gonna say 62.

[Scott Aukerman]

Three away.

[Rick Faber]

I'm so terrible.

[Nancy Cooper]

That's good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Huh?

[Nancy Cooper]

Huh. So now somebody said. Somebody said I look 62. I'm only 22.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow, you're getting up there pretty soon. What's the difference in bus fare?

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm, I don't know. I think it goes like a quarter for 10 years or something. I think it's a quarter for every 10 years.

[Scott Aukerman]

Quarter for every 10 years old you are.

[Nancy Cooper]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

What a weird bus out there in Lawrenceville. They take a look at your ID and then for every 10 years you are old, they ask for a quarter.

[Nancy Cooper]

You have to do a quarter. You have to do a quarter, and then that's 25 pennies.

[Scott Aukerman]

So right now it seems to me like your bus fare is 50 cents. And if you got up to 65, it would be somewhere around $1.50. So I'm not sure why you're so intent on looking older.

[Nancy Cooper]

No, it goes the other way. I think it's like a quarter for each. Less than 100, you are.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. A quarter for.

[Kristen Schaal]

For each. Less than a hundred.

[Scott Aukerman]

A quarter for each decade. Under 100, you are. Okay, I get it. I get it. I get it. So right now, at 22, you are a $2 fare.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, okay, got it. At 62, she would be a.

[Scott Aukerman]

A $4 fare. No, a $1 fare.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, I think that's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great.

[Nancy Cooper]

I didn't even have to go to college.

[Kristen Schaal]

I tell you what, Nancy, it doesn't matter, because when I'm done with you in the training program, I'm enlisting you with the intense 24 hour live in training program, you're gonna be the number one comic in the United States. You're gonna have people driving your ass around. You know what I'm saying? You're gonna be better, bigger, better and more popular than Chris Rock. Yeah.

[Rick Faber]

You know what you could do if you don't like paying the fare? This is what I do. I just sketch. I get on my board, you grab the bumper of the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on. That's so dangerous.

[Rick Faber]

And I don't even wear a helmet.

[Scott Aukerman]

What? I know.

[Rick Faber]

Even though my mom made me promise I would and I lied to her.

[Scott Aukerman]

What would happen if you died? How would your mom feel?

[Rick Faber]

Terrible. And it's like I didn't even consider that. But you have a wheelchair, so you could do the same thing. You could just sketch on the back of the bus. Just grab on and just let it pull you through traffic.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah, then I wouldn't even have to pay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

And then I don't have to wear a helmet in my wheelchair.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why?

[Nancy Cooper]

Nobody does.

[Kristen Schaal]

Nobody does.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess not.

[Nancy Cooper]

I don't have to wear one.

[Scott Aukerman]

There should be some laws about wearing a helmet in a wheelchair, you know.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, if you're skitching, yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you're skitching, definitely. But I just think it's.

[Kristen Schaal]

If you do life, I don't think.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think you should.

[Kristen Schaal]

Wow.

[Rick Faber]

And even if I had a helmet, my mom bought me a nice helmet. You know what I did? I covered it with stickers from all the punk bands I like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, come on, Rick. Yeah, come on, man.

[Rick Faber]

A nice pristine helmet. And it's now covered with all my punk stickers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was it a pretty color? Yeah, what color?

[Rick Faber]

Ever heard of blue?

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay, watch it with the attitude.

[Rick Faber]

Sorry. I'm sorry. Gosh, just so full of it all the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Full of contempt.

[Kristen Schaal]

There's a lot of hormones coursing through your body that you're not. You're not sure what to do with.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah, but that's not even a good excuse. I should still know better.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, you don't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you say no, no, no. And Nancy, you're. You're unattached, right?

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm, yeah. I don't know if I'm gonna get married though. Cause I'm so busy with my career.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh yeah.

[Rick Faber]

Look, you probably are beautiful on the inside, but I wouldn't date someone with a disability. Cause then all my friends would make fun of me. That's shallow.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is shallow.

[Rick Faber]

I'm shallow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would your friends make fun of you, of someone who doesn't have a disability, who rides a wheelchair for fun?

[Rick Faber]

Would they?

[Scott Aukerman]

Huh? Nevermind. Alright guys, it's time to play a little game here on the show. It's time to play a little something called Would you ra. Oh yep, yep, yep, yep. It's time to play Would you rather. And we all know how this is played. People send me would you rather. Scenarios to our Twitter, which is the. That's cbb. W Y R A K A comedy Bang bang. Would you rather send them over to me over there? And I sift through them, I find the good ones, and I will read out the scenario out loud. I'll then open the floor for questions. You're free to ask me any question about either of the two scenarios that you like in order to help narrow down your choice. There's a lot of specifics in there that I know about that aren't included in the actual question. Once we're done asking questions, I'll close the floor. Kristen will stop yawning.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, God.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then that was.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, I had to. I did not yawn.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's this now? You weren't yawning.

[Kristen Schaal]

I was stretched out my face muscles so that I could. Because I noticed I wasn't articulating bullying very well. Okay, so you did exercise warming up my mouth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Okay. How do you feel now?

[Kristen Schaal]

Really good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really good.

[Nancy Cooper]

Sometimes you can move the microphone far away, and then sometimes you can have the microphone closer.

[Kristen Schaal]

That's really good, Nancy.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a quick study, Nancy. Wow. It only took you about a half hour to. So then I'll close the floor for questions. You'll all vote, and then I'll tally up the points and we'll decide a winner. Okay. And it's that simple. So our first and only scenario comes to us from Tutsays Tootsays. T U T S A or Tut says probably he or she asks, would you rather fart the number of hours like a grandfather clock chimes on the hour?

[Kristen Schaal]

A cuckoo clock?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Well, I guess a cuckoo comes out and says cuckoo for as many hours as there are. Okay. Or have a mustache that is a homosexual. All right. Would you rather fart the number of hours like a grandfather clock chimes on the hour, or have a mustache that is a homosexual? I'm opening the floor for questions.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, I got so many.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, here we go.

[Kristen Schaal]

Well, I mean, how is the mustache a homosexual?

[Scott Aukerman]

It is a homosexual mustache.

[Kristen Schaal]

What does that entail?

[Scott Aukerman]

So you are a woman by all accounts.

[Kristen Schaal]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

And by the evidence in front of me.

[Kristen Schaal]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a girlish figure.

[Kristen Schaal]

Thanks for seeing it.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you would have a mustache that is attracted to women. Oh, does that make sense?

[Kristen Schaal]

But it seems like it'd be easier to get women with that mustache that loved women so much.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. But you yourself, in your real as Kristen Schaal, you are not homosexual.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

But your mustache is and is attracted to women.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the most attractive thing is a woman's mustache goes crazy for that. So you have a Mustache that is constantly pulling you in all sorts of directions that you maybe perhaps don't want.

[Kristen Schaal]

To be in the. Can you shave it off at all?

[Scott Aukerman]

You can't shave it off, but it grows back within one hour. A little heavier.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, yeah, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

And a little bit more gay, if that's possible. Yeah, exactly.

[Rick Faber]

Can I ask a question?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, Rick, of course. Yeah. You're so polite. Thank you so much for asking.

[Rick Faber]

I'm trying to remember the lessons my parents imparted on me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Rick Faber]

Is the. Are the farts always a certain volume? Like, might they sometimes be silent yet dead?

[Scott Aukerman]

They are quite loud. They're. They're about as loud as Big Ben. Have you ever been to England?

[Rick Faber]

No, and I'd probably just make fun of everyone's accent if I had.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, they're really, really loud. People can hear them all throughout the town.

[Rick Faber]

Oh, wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Rick Faber]

That's more loud than in a normal fart.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't fart that loudly in your real life.

[Rick Faber]

You mean I don't fart.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't fart?

[Rick Faber]

No way, man. What are you talking about?

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on, Rick.

[Rick Faber]

Come on, man. My friends are gonna listen to this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on, Rick.

[Rick Faber]

Come on, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

You. You do. Everyone farts.

[Rick Faber]

No way. Come on, Rick.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on, man.

[Rick Faber]

No, Come on, Rick.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah, maybe once.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rick.

[Rick Faber]

It was an accident, Rick. Someone else asked a question. Jeez.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right.

[Nancy Cooper]

Yes, Nancy. And it rings like a cuckoo. Cuckoo clock. And then does it go 1 when it's 1, 2 when it's 2, 3 when it's 3, 4 when it's 4, 5 when it's 5, 6 when it's 6, 7 when it's 7, 8 when it's 8, 9 when it's 9, 10 when it's 10, 11 when it's 11, 12 when it's 12.

[Scott Aukerman]

Meaning the English words or the number of times.

[Nancy Cooper]

Number of times.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Nancy Cooper]

It goes on two times. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3 times.

[Scott Aukerman]

Keep going.

[Nancy Cooper]

And then it goes 1, 2, 4 times. And then it goes 1, two, five times. And then it goes 1st, 2, 6 times. I didn't even have to go to college.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but yeah, in other words. Yes, really, really loudly. It will fart the number of times that the hour is. And it's military time. That's the other thing. So it goes all the way up to 12 and then it goes 13, 14, 15. Yeah, all the way up to 24.

[Kristen Schaal]

I'm going with the homosexual.

[Rick Faber]

Oh, classic.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you rather blunder for 2013 voting early? Oh, my gosh.

[Kristen Schaal]

Wait, what? What? What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Christian Schaal getting points taken off the board. Boy, that is a classic. You'd never vote early. I've not closed the floor. I've not asked you what your vote is. That is the first. Would you rather. Blunder of 2013 if you're paying attention. And so that means you have negative 22013 points. Not a good start, I have to say. Not a good start. Not a competitive start, certainly. But I've seen people come back from bigger deficits.

[Rick Faber]

If your mustache is gay, can you still be straight?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Of course.

[Rick Faber]

It's just your mustache. Is it like a magnet? If it sees a gay guy, it pulls you toward him?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, of course. Because he wants to give the person a mustache ride.

[Rick Faber]

I. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does that help narrow down your choice?

[Rick Faber]

I just. Sometimes I'm boarding and I don't want the worst thing when you're boarding.

[Scott Aukerman]

An airplane.

[Rick Faber]

No, a skateboarder.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Rick Faber]

The number one rule. We have a book about this at the shop. Number one rule when you're a skateboarder, don't carry a magnet. When you go by metal, it'll suddenly pull you in that direction, like a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mailbox or something like that.

[Rick Faber]

So as a skateboarder, you really don't want anything magnetized on you as you're skating.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah, I can imagine that. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. That's a good rule. Yeah. How many books in the series are about that?

[Rick Faber]

Well, only one, but it's. It's 10, 16 pages.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Rick Faber]

140 of which are footnotes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? Yeah. Heavily researched book.

[Rick Faber]

Yeah. Yeah. David Foster Wallace wrote it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Interesting. Okay, Nancy, any questions here? You can still ask questions. By the way, Kristen, even though you voted early, how are you ever going to get back the points if you don't ask questions?

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay. When you're farting all those times, up.

[Scott Aukerman]

To 24 times, does it feel good?

[Kristen Schaal]

Like a nice release?

[Scott Aukerman]

It does feel good. Yeah. Just like a regular fart. Feels really good.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And by the way, you do it on the half hour, too, but that's just a one single fart.

[Kristen Schaal]

So you're just farting all the time?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Every half hour you fart at least once.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Up to from one to 24 times.

[Kristen Schaal]

You'Re farting and it's audible, like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, quite audible. Everyone in the city that you live in can hear it.

[Nancy Cooper]

And in my case, it would be Al Lawrenceville.

[Rick Faber]

Can you buy a recording of it on audible.com?

[Scott Aukerman]

I imagine, yeah, of course. They have everything there. I mean, they have Books from authors like friend of the show, Patton Oswald with his book Zombie Spaceship Wasteland. You know, I don't know. Well, we're gonna try to get into a little more integrated marketing. By the way, as the show does.

[Rick Faber]

These extra episodes, I hope you manage it seamlessly.

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope so. By the way, Nancy, it's not Lawrenceville anymore. You're gonna be here in la.

[Nancy Cooper]

Okay. I do have to go back, though, every once a week to do once a week.

[Scott Aukerman]

It takes five days to get back there and then. Five days. You can't do it once a week.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm. Okay.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, you can't.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, you can't. Yeah. So we're saying you can't.

[Nancy Cooper]

Okay. Mm. I'll do that.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're not gonna go back then?

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm, I'm gonna go every once a week.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no. We're saying you can't go once a week.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm. Would a mustache make me look older?

[Scott Aukerman]

I imagine. Yeah, on men, it makes them look older.

[Nancy Cooper]

So how old do you think I look?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean, you're 22. We've talked about this four times. This is the fourth time we've talked about this one. Sorry, sorry. But, you know, you're not gonna have to worry about bus fare anymore because Kristen's gonna be driving you everywhere.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have a wheelchair rack?

[Kristen Schaal]

You are my meal ticket. No, we can just put it in my back seat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great.

[Kristen Schaal]

It folds up, right?

[Nancy Cooper]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, good. You have a large back seat. Then I would imagine you're not driving a sports car.

[Kristen Schaal]

No, I'm not.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not in a Beretta?

[Kristen Schaal]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. That's what I have from all the podcasts.

[Nancy Cooper]

I have a Buick Skylark. It's on my front lawn, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, your cat house.

[Nancy Cooper]

I guess I'll never see it again.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, you won't. Your cats, too. Your new cat? Gone.

[Kristen Schaal]

Your grandma?

[Scott Aukerman]

Grandma's gone.

[Kristen Schaal]

More of a wrinkled prune.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Say goodbye to your old life as you know it. Because when you're famous, you're not gonna have time to deal with that. You know what I mean?

[Kristen Schaal]

You're not gonna have time to talk to your old life, and you're not gonna want to.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the great part about being famous, right? Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

Who's gonna count all those pennies?

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have to anymore. You're gonna be rich.

[Nancy Cooper]

Well, what about all the clothes I can get out of the basement?

[Kristen Schaal]

I'm Eileen's basement baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Take you to Saks Fifth Avenue?

[Kristen Schaal]

Mm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mm.

[Nancy Cooper]

A store.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

People Wear clothes from stores.

[Nancy Cooper]

I only shop at Wawa.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wawa?

[Nancy Cooper]

Yeah. Do you know the Wawa? They sold pretzels, two for one.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know what Wawa is. No, I've never heard of that.

[Nancy Cooper]

It's a store. It's like a store.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, any other questions here to help you narrow down any of your scenarios?

[Rick Faber]

Do you live in a community that's accepting of the farting or do people respond to it like when you really hear a fart?

[Scott Aukerman]

They respond to it like when you hear a fart.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, it's like a normal society every.

[Scott Aukerman]

Single time, by the way. They don't get used to, like big Ben. They really let you have it. Yeah. Okay, good question. Any others? No. All right, I'm going to close the floor for questions. Here we go. And it's closed. No more questions, guys. So sorry, but we are going to vote. Why don't we go to Kristen here? Kristen, who really is in a deficit here and needs to be the comeback kid here with her vote. How do you like to vote? At one point you blurted out how you wanted to vote.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you changed your mind since then?

[Kristen Schaal]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. You're still. Go ahead.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah. I want to get. I want to do a three way with my mustache and my lover.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your mustache and your lover? Okay. And why is that?

[Kristen Schaal]

Why isn't that true? I thought we weren't having questions anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a good point. Okay. All right. We'll see how you fared on your vote. How many points you got soon. Nancy, how do you like to vote?

[Nancy Cooper]

I want to do the farting.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do want to do the farting? Is that what you said? Okay. And why is that?

[Nancy Cooper]

Because that's less times than I fart now, I think. Because if you add them all up throughout the whole hour and then I don't know how many times I fart in my sleep and then that's a lot. And then I'll always know what time it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Uh huh. And you're doing these in your sleep. Let's add them up. How many farts is this? This is 24 plus 23 plus 22 plus 21 plus 20, plus 19, plus 18. Then of course comes 17 and then.

[Nancy Cooper]

16 and then 15.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Nancy Cooper]

And then 14 and then 13 and 12 and then 12 and then 11, then 10, then 9.

[Kristen Schaal]

Okay. Okay.

[Nancy Cooper]

I didn't even have to go to college. I didn't even have to go.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so you're looking at plus you're doing them on the half hours plus 24. You're looking at over 300 farts a day.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you're fine with that?

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. And they're super loud. They're the loudest thing. They're louder than fireworks.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great.

[Kristen Schaal]

You probably wouldn't have to poop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no. You poop. And that's.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you poop on the quarter hours.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, fuck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Massive poops that take 15 minutes.

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, sorry. You voted that way. Yeah. Yeah. You're voting or you're pooping 48 times a day for 15 minutes at a time. All right, Rick, how do you like to vote?

[Rick Faber]

Well, I mean, as a skater, I would never get up skating. Obviously, my motto is skate or die.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Yeah, obviously.

[Rick Faber]

And number one rule of skating. Can't be carrying anything magnetized. So I guess I'll go with farts. Maybe they'll even help with propulsion.

[Nancy Cooper]

Great.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Well, some interesting votes there. Let's see. So, Kristen, you voted for the mustache.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then Rick and Nancy, you both voted for the farting. And Rick and Nancy, you both had. You asked great questions. So, Rick, you had three points that you accrued during the actual questioning. Nancy, you had one really great question, so you had seven points. Nancy and Rick, you both voted incorrectly. However, Kristen.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

You voted correctly in that you had a total of 2,019 points, which puts you up at 6 points. Unfortunately, that. That lets you beat Rick. But, Nancy, you're ahead with seven points. Nancy, you're our winner.

[Nancy Cooper]

Did you ever notice that I just won everything?

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. That's like.

[Nancy Cooper]

Wow. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. That's like spiking the ball when you're in the end zone. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to dock you a point. Two points for excessive taunting. Sorry. So, Kristen.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're now our winner because Nancy is only at five, so you're at six points. So, Kristen, you're the winner. Congratulations.

[Kristen Schaal]

Thank you very much. I don't want to do anything to upset this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Win a gracious winner. See, Nancy, there's a lesson you could learn.

[Nancy Cooper]

I didn't know I didn't win anything before ever. That was the first thing I was gonna ever win.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? I'm sorry.

[Rick Faber]

Now I know how Beck felt because.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was a loser. Yeah. Although when he wrote that song, it actually was a huge hit, so he probably felt really good.

[Rick Faber]

Soy un perledor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. And that is, of course, how we play. Would you'd ra. All right, guys. Boy, we have done it. There's only one thing left to do here on the show, and that is a little something that we call plugs. Ugly. What?

[Kristen Schaal]

Oh, ugly doll. I'm wearing an ugly doll.

[Nancy Cooper]

Watch.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can't whisper right into the mic.

[Kristen Schaal]

Nancy was asking about.

[Rick Faber]

Let's listen to the plugging in the day.

[Scott Aukerman]

My wife. Oh, that was slow. Jam the Plugs by Nisage, I believe is how you would pronounce that. K, N, E, I, S, A, G, E. Thanks so much for that, Nisage. And if you have a plugs theme that you would like to have heard on the show, go head over to earwolf.com, find the comedy message boards. Comedy bang bang message boards, I should say. I mean, I guess they're all comedy message boards. We put out comedy comedy podcast at Earwolf and find the comedy bang bang message boards posted in the appropriate thread. And thank you so much, Nisage. And guys, let's open up the old plug bag. What do you got to plug? First of all, Kristen, I had you on the show because I thought your special was coming up this morning.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, it's not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry about that. And you don't want it to come out?

[Kristen Schaal]

No, I don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. But Bob's Burgers. Every Sunday. This Sunday?

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, yeah, Bob's burger.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anything else? Movies?

[Kristen Schaal]

No, I got nothing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nothing.

[Kristen Schaal]

I got Gravity Falls.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is that?

[Kristen Schaal]

It's another show for kids.

[Scott Aukerman]

For kids. Oh, okay. A kid's show, Rick. You ever see that? No. Why do you say it like that?

[Rick Faber]

I don't watch kid stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it because you're afraid that we're infantilizing you by implying that we.

[Rick Faber]

I mean, just wouldn't even occur to me. I try to watch, like, adult stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why is that?

[Rick Faber]

I guess it's just my taste is what I am drawn to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rick.

[Rick Faber]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Rick, come on, man.

[Rick Faber]

My friends are gonna listen to those.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I'm sorry. Okay. Rick, do you have anything that you'd like to plug?

[Rick Faber]

Yeah, come on down to the skate shop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where is that located?

[Rick Faber]

It's on Manchester Boulevard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Manchester Boulevard?

[Rick Faber]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where?

[Rick Faber]

In Ojai.

[Scott Aukerman]

In Ojai?

[Rick Faber]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's it called?

[Rick Faber]

Skaterama.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you work. Do you really work at a skate shop?

[Rick Faber]

Come on.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't work at a skate shop, do you?

[Rick Faber]

You know, I. I just. I'm so dumb. I lied and tried to make myself sound cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where do you work?

[Rick Faber]

I don't have a job.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have a job? What do you do all day?

[Rick Faber]

I just. Well, I do Skate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, but you, I go around.

[Rick Faber]

I make fun of people with my friends. Ugh. I'm the worst and I know it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ugh. Too bad. All right, Nancy, what do you have to plug? Obviously, you know, a brand new life for you.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm. Yeah. Cause I'm gonna. I'm gonna perform at Charlie Brown's once a week.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, actually, no, no, no, you're not doing that.

[Nancy Cooper]

I'm going to take the bus there.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no, you're not.

[Nancy Cooper]

And then I'm gonna check on my grandma, make sure she's still in the tub.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no. Oh, wait, you want her to remain in the tub?

[Nancy Cooper]

You can help me get her out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, why? So, okay, but no, you're not doing that anymore, Nancy. You're in LA now. You're gonna be a professional standup.

[Nancy Cooper]

Uh huh. Yeah. And I'm gonna have a TV show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Nancy Cooper]

And then you can watch my TV show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And for all of that to happen, you have to let all of your old life go. The 18 cats, the Buick Skylark, your grandma in the tub. You're never gonna see them again.

[Nancy Cooper]

And the buttons too.

[Scott Aukerman]

The buttons too. And the pennies and the national Geos and the AARP magazines. All of that's gone. Okay, you're gonna be living with Kristen now, right, Kristin?

[Kristen Schaal]

That's right. Woody Allen said, Success is just 80% being there, Nancy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, the Murphy Group.

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm. Okay. Mm. So then I guess I'll be at Charlie Brown's.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, Nancy, you're not gonna do that anymore, okay? We're gonna break you of this. We're gonna have to tie you down and.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah, we'll have to kidnap her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that'll be fun.

[Kristen Schaal]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. Let's see. What do I wanna plug? I have February 9th. Come out to the Vancouver Comedy Festival and see me out there. I'll be doing a live podcast slash comed Bang Bang show with some special guests I cannot reveal yet. In Vancouver. Yeah. Are you gonna be out there?

[Kristen Schaal]

I might.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? February 9th, you wanna be on it? Okay, come on out. Also, we have a new show on Earwolf, by the way, we have. Jeff Garland's got a podcast and he's over here with us and his first guest is Larry David. And you can get that starting today [e-mail] or on iTunes. So go check that out. Also, pick up a comedy Bang Bang T shirt if you want. And boy, that's it. I think we gotta close up the old plug bag here before any more Brett. Nah, Brett doesn't Have anything to plug Brett?

[Kristen Schaal]

Nothing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on. Come on. You're embarrassing him.

[Nancy Cooper]

I met a lady on the bus, and she told me to go to a website.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, okay.

[Nancy Cooper]

And it was called murphyplease.com.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wait. You told us you met this lady on the bus last time. Was she on the bus again?

[Nancy Cooper]

She gave me a ride. She gave me a ride.

[Scott Aukerman]

She was a nice lady, but her website sounds so stupid. Why would anyone go to it?

[Nancy Cooper]

I don't know. I don't know why she wants me to go there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you ever go to it since the last time she told you to?

[Nancy Cooper]

Did you ever notice it? No. Did you ever notice that? No, I didn't go to the website.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I don't know. Do you really want people to go to this website?

[Kristen Schaal]

Murphy, please.

[Scott Aukerman]

Murphy, please.

[Nancy Cooper]

I don't know what happened.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't know what happens when people go there?

[Nancy Cooper]

Mm, I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sounds weird.

[Nancy Cooper]

Did you ever notice that I'm gonna be at Charlie Brown's once a week?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, you're not gonna do it. Come on. All right, we'll get this.

[Kristen Schaal]

What else, what else, what else, what.

[Nancy Cooper]

Else, what else, what else?

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, let's close up that old plug bag. Brad. Closing up the plug towards him.

[Rick Faber]

They're peppered all over the Colonel.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is that? Did we add something to the plug bag theme last time? Who was that talking over that one? What was that? All right, we'll investigate that. Maybe it's a new addition to the plug bag theme. All right. Hey, you know, that was the remix that Casey Wilson and Adam Pally their own signature onto. Ken Marino obviously did the original version of it, but maybe there's a new version here with whoever that is muttering over it and the sounds of the wind.

[Kristen Schaal]

I forgot to plug the hot tub show.

[Scott Aukerman]

So sorry, but the plug bag is closed. We can't let any more of those plugs out there. Otherwise, the world will be just filled with plugs. And then, you know, I mean, none of our. We won't be able to take showers anymore. We'll. You know, there'll be too many plugs.

[Nancy Cooper]

Everybody's gonna get stuck in the bathtub then.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep. Bringing it around, Nancy Cooper. All right, guys. Well, that's our show. Thank you so much. Kristen, thank you so much for being here.

[Kristen Schaal]

Thanks for having me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Such a pleasure to see you and to talk to you again. And, Rick, you gonna make any changes in 2013?

[Rick Faber]

Probably not.

[Scott Aukerman]

You are a monster. And, Nancy, I look forward to kidnapping you.

[Nancy Cooper]

Me too. Yeah, I'll be good at it. It. I'll do it. Good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, thanks everyone. We'll see you Monday with a brand new show and some very special guests on that one. And until then, goodbye. Your new beginning starts now. Dr. Horton has new construction homes available in Ellensburg and throughout the greater Seattle area. With spacious floor plans, flexible living spaces and home technology packages, you can enjoy more cozy moments and sweet memories in your beautiful new home. With new home communities opening in Ellensburg and throughout the Seattle area, Dr. Horton has the ideal home for you. Learn [e-mail] Dr. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder.

[Metro Ad]

Prices keep going up. These days it feels like being on an elevator that only goes up, going up. But not at Metro. We're pushing the down button. Going down, we've lowered prices. Get one line of 5G data for $40, period. That's 20% lower. And you get a free 5G phone when you bring your number. Only at Metro.

[Scott Aukerman]

Five year guarantee on eligible plans exclusion supplies. See website for details. Not available at Metro with T Mobile in the past six months, tax applies. In the red corner, the undisputed undefeated weed whacker guy. Champion of hurling grass and pollen everywhere. And in the blue corner, the challenger, extra strength Hanaday eye drops that work all day to prevent the release of histamines that cause itchy allergy eyes. And the winner by knockout is Patterny Hataday. Bring it on.