Bonus Bang: Live from SXSW 2025 - Lauren Lapkus, Lisa Gilroy, James Adomian

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast Episode Summary: Bonus Bang: Live from SXSW 2025 Release Date: April 3, 2025

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Overview

In this special live episode of Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast, host Scott Aukerman takes the show to the vibrant South by Southwest (SXSW) festival in Austin, Texas. Celebrating 15 years of comedic brilliance, this bonus episode features an eclectic mix of guests including Lauren Lapkus as Pamela from Big Bear, Lisa Gilroy portraying Nana, and James Adomian embodying none other than Elon Musk. The episode serves as a bittersweet farewell to Comedy Bang Bang's live performances at SXSW, blending improvisational humor, surreal dialogues, and outrageous antics that epitomize the show's signature comedic style.

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1. Welcome and Introduction ([03:46] - [04:36])

Scott Aukerman opens the live show with enthusiasm, introducing the guests and setting the stage for an unforgettable evening. He humorously remarks on the unconventional timing of having Nana participate alongside more eccentric characters.

Notable Quote:

• Scott Aukerman ([04:36]): "Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Stapler's Monster for that catchphrase submission."

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2. Pamela from Big Bear's Wild Tale ([07:45] - [22:00])

Lauren Lapkus delivers a comedic monologue as Pamela from Big Bear, recounting an absurd and exaggerated story of being kidnapped and held in a sewer by her neighbor. The narrative is peppered with sexual innuendos, slapstick humor, and nonsensical dialogues that keep the audience both bewildered and entertained.

Notable Quotes:

• Pamela ([09:14] - [09:32]): "This is you trashed out of my fucking gourd. I met the hottest guys walking down six floors street. Everybody wants to fuck me and I did it."
• Scott Aukerman ([10:02]): "You're not at this time. You were..."
• Pamela ([12:25] - [12:36]): "He jerks off right into him. I've seen it too."

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3. Nana's Surreal Interlude ([24:51] - [39:35])

Lisa Gilroy's portrayal of Nana introduces a layer of familial parody, engaging in bizarre and fragmented conversations with Scott and the other guests. The interactions delve into twisted family dynamics, with exaggerated claims about relationships and nonsensical declarations that blur the lines between reality and absurdity.

Notable Quotes:

• Nana ([25:32]): "Happy Thanksgiving, Nana."
• Elon Musk ([26:10] - [26:22]): "He would shuffle his feet on the carpet and stick his dick on the doorknob."
• Nana ([32:24]): "Say you love her. Tell her."

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4. Elon Musk Takes the Stage ([42:25] - [78:57])

James Adomian's impersonation of Elon Musk escalates the episode's chaos. The segment features outlandish claims about genetic engineering, space exploration, and humorous takes on technological advancements. Conversations spiral into topics like the evolution of laughter, the creation of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and absurd plans to take over SpaceX.

Notable Quotes:

• Elon Musk ([46:16]): "He would set my planet aflame so that they would come to rescue me."
• James Adomian as Elon ([53:24] - [55:45]): "We have a lot of comedy tropes that I think have been pushed by George Soros that we're going to be repealing soon."
• Pamela ([73:33]): "My pussy is drier than this other hair on a hot Tuesday."

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5. The CBB Roundtable ([64:00] - [77:55])

Scott transitions the show into a rapid-fire roundtable discussion, prompting guests to answer quirky questions about pizza toppings, alien abductions, and sitcom catchphrases. The segment epitomizes the show's improvisational spirit, with responses ranging from the hilariously inappropriate to the downright surreal.

Notable Quotes:

• Pamela ([65:40]): "Pepperoni."
• James Adomian ([67:43] - [69:01]): "If I were to entice an alien to bring me to his planet, I would set my planet aflame so that they would come to rescue me."
• Elon Musk ([70:38]): "Bazinga."

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6. Grand Finale and Farewell ([81:00] - [85:55])

As the evening winds down, Scott announces that this marks the final live episode from SXSW, expressing gratitude to the audience and guests. The closing moments are a blend of heartfelt thanks and continued absurd humor, with lingering jokes about relationships and future endeavors.

Notable Quotes:

• Scott Aukerman ([81:56]): "But you heard? Gene Hackman's first episode of his podcast."
• Jasme Adomian as Elon Musk ([83:06] - [84:43]): "I love you, boy."
• Pamela ([85:43]): "Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial."

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Conclusion

This live SXSW episode of Comedy Bang Bang stands out as a testament to the show's enduring legacy in the world of comedic podcasts. Through its ensemble of eccentric characters and relentless pursuit of unconventional humor, the episode offers listeners a memorable and entertaining experience that encapsulates the spirit of improvisational comedy. As Scott Aukerman bids farewell to the live stage at SXSW, fans are left with a blend of laughter, bewilderment, and anticipation for what Comedy Bang Bang will deliver in its next chapter.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Scott Aukerman ([03:46]): "Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Stapler's Monster for that catchphrase submission."
• Pamela from Big Bear ([09:14]): "This is you trashed out of my fucking gourd. I met the hottest guys walking down six floors street. Everybody wants to fuck me and I did it."
• Elon Musk ([26:10]): "He would shuffle his feet on the carpet and stick his dick on the doorknob."
• James Adomian as Elon Musk ([53:24]): "If I were to entice an alien to bring me to his planet, I would set my planet aflame so that they would come to rescue me."
• Pamela ([65:40]): "Pepperoni."
• Elon Musk ([70:38]): "Bazinga."

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Final Thoughts

For listeners new to Comedy Bang Bang, this episode serves as an excellent introduction to its unique blend of humor and improvisation. The interactions among the host and guests, though chaotic, highlight the creativity and spontaneity that have made the podcast a beloved staple in the comedy podcasting landscape.

Transcript

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[Scott Aukerman]

It'S survey time.

[Nana]

This comes around every five years or so. It's so exciting. In order to support Comedy Bang Bang, we need the help of some great advertisers, not just good advertisers. And we want to make sure those advertisers are ones that you actually want to hear about. But we need to learn a little bit more about you to make that possible. So here's what you do. Go to podsurvey.com Bang Bang and take a quick anonymous survey that will help us to get, you know, better. All you gotta do is enter your name, address, phone number. No, it's anonymous. And this way we can bring on advertisers who you won't want to skip. And once you've completed the quick survey, you can enter for a chance to win a $100Amazon gift card. Terms and conditions of course, of course they apply again. That is podsurvey.com Bang Bang.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks for your help.

[Nana]

Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here and welcome to another bonus Bang. Bonus Bangs being of course, little bonus episodes of Comedy Bang Bang. Usually they are episodes that have previously come out that were trotting out from back behind the paywall. But this is a very special bonus bang because this week we're releasing a live episode that we just recorded about a month ago. This was from south by Southwest. This year it was recorded on March 8th of this year with myself. We have Lauren Lapkis as Pamela from Big Bear. We have Lisa Gilroy as Nana. And we have the return of James Zidomian. James Adomian came and did Elon Musk for us. So this was a very fun episode to do out there in Austin, Texas. This was the, I believe, the last time that we're going out to do south by Southwest, which is something that I started, I don't know, 15, 16 years or so ago, the comedy there. So this is a Bittersweet ending to a great run of Comedy Bang Bang performances that we've done at this venue at Esther's Follies out there during south by Southwest. Now, I hope you enjoy it, if you did enjoy it and you want more live episodes as well as every single episode we've ever done live and studio, become a subscriber at Comedy Bang Bang World, where we have every single one of them as well as a whole lot of other great shows, bonus content ad free episodes of comedy Bang Bang Threedom. So much more. Just head over to cbbworld.com and subscribe. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode. Until then, enjoy this week's bonus Bang.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please keep applauding. Please, please. Thank. Thank o. Oh, the fuck is going on here? Sit down. Hello, south by Southwest. How are you? Hold on, I have to do this first. Oh, fuck. You can party with Chewie or hang out with Worf, but you haven't lived till you face hugged my friend the xenomorph. Nope. Yep, nope. I agree. Nope. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you. Yes. Thank you to Stapler's Monster for that catchphrase submission. Thank you so much. Not gonna stick.

[Nana]

Hello.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. Is it really wise to seat the front row people last? It is. Oh, okay. Thank you very much for your answer. I appreciate that. Hello. What are you showing me? That's a vibrator. Please, sir, please put it back. Put it into your personal belongings. Oh, Jesus Christ. How's everyone doing at South By? This is day two. I don't know if anyone knows this, But I believe 18 years ago, a man named Charlie Sotello called me up and said he heard I was a person who knew comedians and put stuff together, and he wondered if he and I could put together south by Southwest comedy. It had not been a thing before then. We started this 18 years ago. And what that gets you is the plum Saturday at 4pm slot. What the fuck? How many of you out there know what Comedy Bang Bang is? Have listened to it? Oh, okay. Oh, thank Jesus. Let me explain it though. For the uninitiated, essentially, it's a talk show. First of all, before we even get into that, it is the three most exciting words in the English language. Live podcast taping. Oh, my goodness. You're in for a treat. It's essentially a talk show. I'm the host of the talk show. I have several guests on the show. We're going to bring them out one at a time. I'm going to interview them. We're all going to have a really good time. Let me tell you who's coming up on the show today. We have a resident of a town, we have an elderly woman, and we have someone who works in the government. So this is an exciting show. You have really made the right decision. What else is there happening at 4pm on a Saturday afternoon other than just getting drunk out here on one of the bars? On one of the bars. As I passed one of the bars, there was a gentleman who he saw some ladies walking down the street and he said to them, hey, come on inside. We have something that we just invented. It's called alcohol. Glad to be back, Austin. Well, we have a great show. Are you guys ready for this? This is so exciting to be talking to these people. Let me bring out our first guest. I mentioned we have a resident of a town. Now, how many of you live in a town? So you'll have a lot in common with this woman. She hails from a town in California. Please welcome to the stage Pamela from Big Bear.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

What's up, what's up, what's up? It's 4:00, bitches. Where's your vibrators at? Bring them out now. I want everybody masturbating. What's going on, Scott?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think he's taking you at your word. He's reaching for his bag.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Tell me about it. What's the brand on that motherfucker? Last one plus one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Plus one?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah. Cause you get one orgasm, you go, let me just go for one more. And then that motherfucker dies.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's how it goes for two orgasms.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You get one orgasm and then it dies. No, it's good for one.

[Scott Aukerman]

So good to see you, pal. Women can only come once in their lives.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Ever. I did mine 20 years ago. Dry, dry, dry, dry, dry. What's the driest thing you can think of?

[Scott Aukerman]

The Sahara Desert.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Think harder.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your pussy.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

There you go. It coughs at night. It's thirsty.

[Elon Musk]

What?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Water. Water everywhere.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not a drought a day panel is so wonderful to talk to.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You're so wonderful.

[Scott Aukerman]

I haven't.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I'm having a great time in Austin.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you doing here in Austin?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

This is you trashed out of my fucking gourd. I met the hottest guys walking down six floors street. Everybody wants to fuck me and I did it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You. Oh, really? So you've.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

When someone offers this, rude to decline.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you've had coitus? Several times.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I've had coitus. Where'd you go to school? Nerd.com. i got my degree from nerd.com with a master's in loserly behavior. Found it.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Got it, got it, found it. But what, What? I. I understand that while you're here, you're engaging in. In extramarital activities. Are you married? I can't remember.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I'm not. I'm not at this time.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not at this time. You were.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

No, I never have been.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

And I'm not right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not?

[James Adomian]

Do you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have designs to be married?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Well, my dream wedding. I thought all about it. Yeah, don't you think about that?

[Scott Aukerman]

My dream wedding, I. I had it 20 years ago. Oh.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

And what was that like?

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't tell my wife about it.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Did you kiss the bride?

[Scott Aukerman]

I did kiss the bride.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That's a big part of my plan.

[Scott Aukerman]

To kiss your bride.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Or I mean, just to be kissed. I hope that happens in it. I've never kissed.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you've done oral, right?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That's a big assumption. That's kind of like, oh, I've done oral. I've done oral. It's kind of like kissing. You just. Dicks don't kiss back.

[Elon Musk]

Yeah.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Any who.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want that on a pillow.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah, yeah. I'll stitch that for you. I'll stitch it with my hair.

[Scott Aukerman]

But in any case, I know you're. You're. While you're here, you're. You're out there on these streets, but what. What is the purpose of your visit?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, well, you know, it feels good to be out. It feels good to be free. I was recently kidnapped, so I'm feeling very free.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why would someone kidnap you? Do you have loved ones they were trying to leverage your.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I don't know. No, I think it was just. I was their plaything. It was my neighbor. Come to find out, the whole time I was underground, I was right by my very own trailer. They had me in a sewer. Do you know what a sewer smells like, Scott?

[Scott Aukerman]

Bad shit and piss. Those are the two primary things that go in sewers.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Occasionally come.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Okay, you stand over a sewer and jack off, you fucking freak. Trying to save toilet water.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think anyone is standing over sewers to shit and piss.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Probably Pennywise.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's good point.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

He jerks off right into him.

[Scott Aukerman]

He does.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I've seen it too.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know his.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

He put me in a little raincoat and he told me to stand under while it rained. Well, let me tell you something.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hold this balloon.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

What? No rain? Yeah, I held a balloon too.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, his brother pound Foolish.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Does he? Crazy. He only does it backwards. That's not doggy style. You know, backwards. You know what that is? Is when both people. When you go. You go to a house of mirrors, okay? Both people face butt to butt with a dildo on and go pay for it. Double sided. Of course. You asked. I did.

[Scott Aukerman]

I barely did. You said, do you know what it is?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You asked. Well, you said. I don't. Implying. Go on, ma'am. Anyway, the kidnapping.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you were kidnapped?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you were used as a. I.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Could only eat s'mores.

[Scott Aukerman]

That doesn't sound that bad.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Well, they were a special kind.

[Scott Aukerman]

What was in the s'mores?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

So the. The graham cracker was cardboard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go on.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

The chocolate was. Shit.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't want. I want to know what the marshmallow is, but I feel like you're gonna tell me.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Almond Joy. So nasty. All the kids throw that out on Halloween.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it the coconut?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah, it's the coconut. They don't like that part. Too mature of a flavor. Anyway, that's all I ate. Oh, man, I was shitting bricks. And then they made me build my house out of them, much like the third little pig. And I had to tell that story.

[Scott Aukerman]

Every night to them.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

To the kidnapper? Yeah. Who I fell in love with due to Stockholm syndrome. But he was beautiful.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did he look like?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

He looked like Brad Pitt. If Brad Pitt was the guy from that movie Mask. Yeah. He had a Quentin Tarantino movie personality.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you didn't recognize him as your neighbor who apparently lived in a house next to a trailer?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

He lived in a trailer, too.

[James Adomian]

Oh, okay.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

But he had a. I didn't.

[Scott Aukerman]

An underground basement?

[Elon Musk]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

We never talk much. How much do you talk to your neighbors? You get out there and you interact with them much. Do you talk to your neighbors a lot?

[Nana]

Sure, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, we're one big. One big neighborhood.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

What do they like to do? What are they interested in? Uh, yeah, I don't think you talk to them, but this guy was. Are you allowed to talk to your neighbors?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Are you allowed to live in your neighborhood? I guess you're allowed to live. You just have to report it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just like the idea of this gentleman, I guess, who looked like Rocky Dennison. Is that his name from the movie Mask. Digging underground underneath this trailer for a long time to build a business.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

He spent many, many years doing that. And. And he was eyeing me the whole time. I was very flattered.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ultimately, you know, he was IMDb the.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Whole time, eyeing me the Whole time on my IMDb. I have a lot of credits.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you're on my TV show.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah. And they started putting porn on there, so mine really blew up. My star meter is crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

What was the thinking behind putting porn on IMDb? It's so funny.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Figure out who it was. Is that. Do they really do that?

[Scott Aukerman]

They do.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Thought I made that up and believed it. Well, all right. Yeah. So I've never been paid for my actions. Let's be clear. I actually don't have much of a job or income at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

What do you do? I'm a little stressed about the coin right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, the coin of the realm. What. What exactly do you do for.

[Nana]

For money?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Well, it's a lot of. It's a lot of. Kind of, you know, checking in with people, mooching a little bit. Mooching here, mooching there. Getting a dollar where I can, you know, asking for a little something, something. So, that being said, I'd love 200 to $3,000 if you got it for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

For me?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Cuz you probably got it. That's a cute little pin there. What's that guy? Who's that little freak you wear? A rhinestone pin? This is an interesting character detail.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. This is something they made me wear to get into this venue.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Okay. I think that just happened to you, but they brought me in three. The underground part.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah. I only travel that way these days.

[Scott Aukerman]

Underground. Really?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Well, I was out. I walked in the streets a little bit. Then someone pushed me into the sewer. They knew where I'm supposed to be. Do you have any crack cocaine?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm out.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I. Yeah, you're out. You haven't. When was the last time you did crack? Don't be honest.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. To be honest, I. I'm. I'm kind of normcore. I've. I've never done.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, Snooze alert.

[Scott Aukerman]

You get an alert for when you're supposed to snooze.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

It's like when you are snoozing Amber alerts for boredom. My phone goes crazy. My jitterbug. I have a jitterbug. I paid $20. It only calls the hospital. They'll connect you to whoever you want. Don't you worry.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is the purpose of waking you up when you're bored? Like having an alert on your phone to say you're bored.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Now, keep it interesting. You should never let your mind atrophy, Scott. Do you ever do that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Let my mind atrophy? Yeah, occasionally.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I consider myself an autodidact. I Like to learn and teach myself. I'm learning all about the origins of buttons right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

The origins of buttons?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yes. We didn't always have them, see?

[James Adomian]

Sure.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

We used to have her hold. Have to hold our hand, hold our clothes, hold our clothes closed with our hands, hold our clothes closed with our hands, hold our clothes hand. Our clothes and our clothes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Couldn't do two things at once, you see, And I'm a multitasking kind of.

[Scott Aukerman]

15 minutes in. Okay.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I almost said it as my first word, but then I held back. I didn't know if there were a lot of tech bros here who might get scared. Tech bros say what? All right, good.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what was invented first? Was it the button? Was it the zipper? Was it Velcro?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

They first invented Velcro, then they did the zipper, then they thought, let's make this harder and do buttons. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And if you're. If you're going through the history of the button, what is the purpose of having buttons on different sides for different genders?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You know what it is? And there's a whole book about that. So men like to operate with their left because their right hand's for jerking off and it's weaker. And women jerk off with vibes, and so both hands are fine, and it's easier to put a button on the other side.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's a whole book about this.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

There's a book about that. I summed it up for you. Saved you about four days. I'm a sleep flow reader.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you. Are you speaking. Are you giving any talks while you're here?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah, I'm doing TED Talk.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're doing a TED Talk?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I'm doing a TED Talk at the Convention center tonight.

[Nana]

What's the.

[Scott Aukerman]

The topic.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

How to get your pussy as dry as fuck. I know all about it. I'm an expert.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you intentionally do it?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yes, I try to see what happens in. When you change the environment of your personal terrarium. Things change. A new species inhabit. Tarantulas.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know a lot of big words for someone who.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Tarantula's a big word to you?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, how many syllables is it?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Tarantula. That's two, buddy. Tarantula.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tarantula, yeah. Tranche, love. Two. Two syllables.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That's that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tranche, Scott.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Not even one. It's the fastest word in the human language. The human language. Be clear.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you been speaking of which?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I've been abducted by aliens, obviously. Is that what you're gonna say?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, yeah, Or a cryptid of some sort of psychic.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

A cryptid? Yeah, it was more of a cryptid.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Go into space.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Where did you go?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

We just went to a forest. And it fondled me. Much to my pleasure. It was hot.

[Scott Aukerman]

What kind of a creature was it? Was it furry?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

It was weird. It was like. It had a big green head and all these little eyes. And it was wearing a trench coat. And it had on boots that were high and tight. And it had on little booty shorts. And when it lifted its mask, it looked just like my neighbor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do you still live next to this guy?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

It's not easy to drive away, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you been out of gas this entire time?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I've been out of gas.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Keep farting into the hole. But nothing works out.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, Pamela from Big Bear, everyone.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pamela from Big Bear.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Water spilled.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no, don't.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

No, the cords.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't let the microphone hit it.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Saved it.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if we all were electrocuted right here in front of everyone?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I would be so relieved.

[Lisa Gilroy]

This podcast is brought to you by Hulu. Hey, everybody. Hulu has a bunch of new stand up specials that are not just funny, they're hilarious. Very funny, Hulu. Anyway, they're launching new exclusive stand up specials from awesome comedians like Jim Gaffigan, Alana glaser, Roy Wood Jr. Bill Burr, and tons more. A new special drops every month and they've got a huge library of stand up specials to check out. Go to Hulu and get your standup fix Now.

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[Lowe's Representative]

Hear that? It's Springfest Savings calling your name only at Lowe's right now. Get a free select EGO 56 volt battery when you buy a select Ego trimmer blower or mower. Plus get your choice of any two bags of Miracle Gro Organic Soil Mix for only $16. Shop these can't miss deals in store or online. Today, Lowe's we help you save valid through 4 2. Selection varies by location. While Supplies last excludes Hawaii.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I decided to have probably the craziest panel of all time for our south by Southwest show. Our next guest is a relative of mine. I have so many great relatives who are on this show.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, really?

[Scott Aukerman]

I have a nephew, Todd, who's on the show.

[Elon Musk]

I know.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I never heard of it. I don't listen to this program.

[Scott Aukerman]

How did you ever even come to be on the show?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You know how you found me? We don't need to tell all these nice people at 4 o'clock. He's a sick and nasty nest. And he found me and he tied me up in his trunk. You really want me to tell him? You keep saying, go on, go on, go on. He tied me up in his trunk. He said, do my little show. I'll pay you in coins. I said, okay. He said, but the only rule is you gotta live with me. And that's the one rule. That's the one thing you broke. You never let me stay overnight. He says, no kissing. And you got to go before midnight.

[Scott Aukerman]

Gremlins rules.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah, yeah. You don't kiss Gremlins.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't know what's going to go on. All right, well, we. I. I do have a relative coming to the stage. As I mentioned, she's an elderly woman. Please welcome my nana, everyone.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nana, everyone.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, thank you, Nana. Wow, your nana's a nice lady.

[Elon Musk]

Oh, no.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oops. Oh.

[Elon Musk]

Oh, Scott, I love you so much. Can I put this here?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, see, your nana's a nice little lady. She made me feel better for spilling mine and.

[Elon Musk]

Happy Thanksgiving, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Happy Thanksgiving, Nana.

[Elon Musk]

Thank you for inviting me for dinner with you and your girlfriend.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, it's not. It's not official. It's not official, and I'm kind of in a thing.

[Elon Musk]

Oh, Scott, make it official, please. You're a lonely man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does anyone know about electricity? Whether this is.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

A danger to us?

[Elon Musk]

I know about electricity. I was alive the year it was invented. Boy, don't make me spank the daylight out of here. Electricity is invented by. Well, one man named Tesla.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Tesla. That's Tesla.

[Elon Musk]

He was an old lover of mine. He would shuffle his feet on the carpet and stick his dick on the doorknob.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That sounds. Sounds fun.

[Elon Musk]

And I wish the same for the both of you.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Hey, I'll do it with my clit and see what happens. Scott, sign me up. We just need some shag carpeting.

[Elon Musk]

That's exactly right. Oh, Scott, you better marry this one.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm already married, Nana. I don't Know if you remember. You were at the wedding.

[Elon Musk]

Oh, right. Your wife who goes to another school. Scott, you lonely bastard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on, Nana.

[Elon Musk]

What? I'm old. I'm confused.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love to see the staff mobilizing to keep us out of danger. That's the most exciting part. Just off. Just off stage, everyone's scrambling, scurrying to try to keep us from being electrocuted.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Why do you think it's turning white?

[Elon Musk]

It's definitely got a froth on. Looks like your grandpa's bubble bath. Remember how you used to slip under the water?

[Scott Aukerman]

We used to play up periscope.

[Elon Musk]

You would be the little submarine and you'd always piss in the water and drink it, wouldn't you, boy? You'd call it Scotty's Hot Lemonade. You were an adorable little bastard.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

He offered me that the other day. He still drinks it. Isn't that sweet, Nana?

[Elon Musk]

That's very sweet. Did you try it?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I did. It tastes like piss.

[Elon Musk]

Yeah, even though it was watered down by a whole bathtub of water.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

No, it's still real strong. I think he eats asparagus.

[Elon Musk]

Stinky little boy. Aren't you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really wondering about how wise it was to have both of you on at the same time?

[Elon Musk]

Your girlfriend and your grandma.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

What's wrong, Scott? We gotta bring the family together at some point.

[Elon Musk]

It's International Women's Day.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

We gotta celebrate. It's true. Who's your favorite woman?

[Elon Musk]

That's a great question.

[Scott Aukerman]

My mother.

[Elon Musk]

Oh, well, you wouldn't have a mother without me. Boy, say something nice to your grandma before I scream.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're my father's mother.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Well, yeah, but your mother wouldn't have met made you without your father. Logic. There's logic. And you gotta think about it.

[Elon Musk]

Now say happy International Women's Day to us. And say, sing the song, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I had no idea there was a song.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You don't know the song.

[Elon Musk]

You know the song.

[Scott Aukerman]

You both know the song. Let's hear it.

[Elon Musk]

Of course we know the song. Oh, you're going to put the burden on women then.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

We're supposed. We're supposed to have the month off.

[Elon Musk]

Yeah, please give us the month off. Sing us the song, boy.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

At least start it off.

[Elon Musk]

Yeah, we'll start.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

We'll start it for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, that's better.

[Elon Musk]

You can take it off.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sure I'll catch on as you go.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Women.

[Scott Aukerman]

At least help me along the way.

[Elon Musk]

Well, I'll give you a hint, dipshit. The next word is R, and I'll.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Give you a hint. Too. The word after R is amazing. And then it's the acrostic with International Women's Day. Of course it's women.

[Elon Musk]

Women are amazing.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

And then you just spell out I, N, T, E, R, N, A. And you give a word.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why does it start with W?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

If it's women are amazing, Then you go into the international I, A, T.

[Elon Musk]

Spell the word and so forth.

[Scott Aukerman]

I is for international, N is for national.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

T is for Chanel.

[Scott Aukerman]

E is for international. R is for or national.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

N is for national.

[Elon Musk]

Again, he's cheating with system.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That's the men's version.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's. That's what men do. We get around the system.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You know, it goes like this. Intelligence.

[Elon Musk]

Stupid Hindis.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Trailblazers.

[Elon Musk]

Eternally.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Upside down, right side up them how you got them. Cause the name just. They don't count.

[Elon Musk]

Smoke em if you got em.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Women's Day. That's the song. We sing it every year at school.

[Elon Musk]

I suppose you don't have the woman's Christmas tree either, do you?

[Scott Aukerman]

I haven't even heard of the woman's. The women's Christmas tree.

[Elon Musk]

What do you do all day? Just stare at your own balls, boy. There's other people around women. And we like to have our own little Christmas tree on this day.

[Scott Aukerman]

How are they decorated with, like, bras or.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, my God, it's a late. Okay, so you have a tree. There's a woman's head on top, like a little angel. Then the tree has hands. It lifts up the bottom like a skirt. And then there's a bush underneath, like from outside, but that's her bush because she's a tree. And then she bends over, obviously.

[Elon Musk]

Obviously. And a poop falls out, which is gold.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You don't have that. You don't let your wife have that.

[Elon Musk]

You don't let your wife have that.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not standing in the way of my wife having that. She's never brought it up to me.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Passive, passive man.

[Elon Musk]

I'll tell you why his wife doesn't have the tree. She's not real.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Well, I never met her.

[Elon Musk]

Exactly. Neither have I.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's a real woman. Nana, I know that you weren't happy when I married her because you made it up.

[Elon Musk]

Boy, you're a pathological liar. That's why I'm here. The whole family is worried about your mom.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, it's an intervention that I stumbled upon.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're the emissary of the entire family?

[Elon Musk]

Yes. On behalf of Wanda, Megan, Tina, Lidley, Billers, Dangerly and Griffin.

[Scott Aukerman]

Even. Dangerly.

[Elon Musk]

Even your Old crazy uncle Dangerly, he's worried about you. Everyone knows you've got some sort of psychosis where you think you have a radio show that doesn't exist. Boy.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Well, tell us something true just to prove you're not a liar Tell us something good Tell me that you're nasty.

[Elon Musk]

Scream it like you want it Scream.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Like a little piggy wig won't sing Just do it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I want it.

[Elon Musk]

Scream like a little piggy wants it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oink, oink I want it higher up.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

In the register make it a squeal boy I want it I'm satisfied.

[Elon Musk]

Pretty good.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

So tell us the truth.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, I haven't been to the family reunions.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Nana, why don't we both tell him something true so he learns how to tell the truth?

[Elon Musk]

True?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, yeah, tell me something true.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You go first, Nanny.

[Elon Musk]

I lied about how electricity was created.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

It was just now.

[Elon Musk]

I don't know anything about it. And I never had sex with the man who made it.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Wow.

[Elon Musk]

That's the truth.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you never met Nikolai Tesla?

[Elon Musk]

No.

[James Adomian]

Wow.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Hugo, I have. Well, I didn't want to tell you this like this, but I guess I made it so I have to share a truth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you're the one who suggested this.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I don't want. I don't want to say it.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

It's too upsetting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, then. Come on, Scott.

[Elon Musk]

She needs a little bit of encouragement.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Dare.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, Dare.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Dare what? Dare do.

[Elon Musk]

Dare do.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Dare do. Dare do. Dare do. Dare do de do de do. Well, that changed the subject.

[Elon Musk]

Do you double donkey dare do it or do it?

[Scott Aukerman]

I double donkey dare you to do it.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Interesting. You say donkey. Well, my first time was on top of a donkey's back.

[Elon Musk]

First time doing what?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Shitting on a donkey.

[Elon Musk]

See, Scott, how open and vulnerable.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I didn't want to say it. Scott.

[Elon Musk]

So now tell us the truth.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Isn't Donkey from Shrek the hottest Shrek character?

[Elon Musk]

I love him because in the morning.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

He'S making waffles like a real man. When was the last time you made breakfast for your wife?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's a good question. I'm usually concerned with making breakfast for our daughter. Happy International Women's Day.

[Elon Musk]

She's a girl, not a woman. Oh, don't you know the difference?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Pervert.

[Scott Aukerman]

See, Nana, this is why I don't.

[Elon Musk]

Like to high fived you, boy. I love you.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, Nana, say it back.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nana, I apologize for not being around the family. It's just this is the kind of reception I get. I feel because, you know, I'M famous, and you guys are intimidated by me.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Whoa.

[Elon Musk]

What? This is what I wanted to talk to you about, Scooty. Because, you see, you think you have this radio show comedy Bing bongs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, you're on it right now.

[Elon Musk]

I'm sure I am, boy. And you tell me. Oh, last week, I interviewed Santa Claus or a talking pig. We're worried about your psychosis, So I spoke to a doctor who said the only way to help you was to come and participate in the Shutter island of it all. So if that's what it takes to get through to you, then. Hello, I'm Wacky Peanut Butter Ketchup Man. Is that what you want to hear?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Wow.

[James Adomian]

Wow.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I haven't seen you in a long time. How you doing?

[Elon Musk]

My universe is filled with marbles. Yes, and it's on fire. Help me, Scott.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That's hard to get around. Always slipping and burning. Come on.

[Elon Musk]

Am I speaking your language now?

[Scott Aukerman]

I would. I. To be honest, I would prefer Wacky Peanut Butter Man.

[Elon Musk]

Wacky Peanut Butter Ketchup Man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Those two things don't go together. That's what makes it so wacky.

[Elon Musk]

Exactly. His superpower is he's disgusting and he pisses blood.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Been.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well. I promise, Nat, I'll start coming back around again. And thank you for saying you love me. That means a lot to me.

[James Adomian]

Is that.

[Elon Musk]

Imagine the response to I love you saying thank you. That means a lot. Wow.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That hurts. Nanny, when you say that.

[Elon Musk]

That hurts. Nanny, when you say that.

[Scott Aukerman]

To be honest, you weren't around when I was growing up. The first time I met you was when you were the guest on my podcast.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Nana, is that true? That's kind of crazy. Bitch. You didn't go meet your grandson for however many years.

[Elon Musk]

You were an ugly baby. Scott, you don't know this, but a witch came to your mother's baby shower, got in a big fight with your mom. She said, I'm gonna do something bad to that baby. I'm gonna make him ugly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Three syllables, yes. Ugly.

[James Adomian]

Ugly.

[Elon Musk]

And when she did that, Scott, you were a baby. Most horrifying. That all fled from your circle until slowly, slowly, you became an ugly man.

[Scott Aukerman]

So weird that I grew out of it then and became so handsome.

[Elon Musk]

I know. That's why I came back. Because now you are easy. Easy on the eyes, my boy. And I'm proud of you. Once again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you so much, Nana. That means so much coming from someone of your stature.

[Elon Musk]

Yes. Peanut Butter Ketchup man. Right, boy?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Elon Musk]

And the first thing you need to do to save my planet is to take these pills. This is some niotine and some prosanatolium.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Let me get some of that for psychosis. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

There you go.

[Elon Musk]

Oh, okay. It's. Oh, no. It says on the bottle that those are going to affect you in something in a certain amount of time that is comedically appropriate.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

At the end of.

[Scott Aukerman]

The show, though I would imagine I.

[Elon Musk]

Do a lot of the show.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I'm not gonna feel that at all. I'm not too worried. I do.

[Elon Musk]

La la la la la la la la la. Sing it, Scott.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

La la la la la la. That's part of the international women's.

[Elon Musk]

This is the bridge of the women's song for the big finale.

[Scott Aukerman]

Booyah.

[Elon Musk]

He does know the song.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

He does know it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Nana, it's wonderful to have you here. Thank you so much for being there with my big moment here. Returning to that I started.

[Elon Musk]

Look at your help, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Thank you, Nana. Everyone, Nana's here.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Nana. Nana. Give it up, give it up, give it up, give it up. Yeah.

[Elon Musk]

Pack it up, pack it in. Let me begin.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, she knows the rap.

[Scott Aukerman]

Continue.

[Elon Musk]

What happened? I fell asleep for a moment.

[Lisa Gilroy]

This podcast is brought to you by Hulu. Hey, everybody. Hulu has a bunch of new stand up specials that are not just funny, they're hilarious. Very funny, Hulu. Anyway, they're launching new exclusive stand up specials from awesome comedians like Jim Gaffigan, Ilana glaser, Roy Wood Jr. Bill Burr and tons more. A new special drops every month and they've got a huge library of stand up specials to check out. Go to Hulu and get your standup fix now.

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[Lowe's Representative]

Hear that? It's Springfest Savings calling your name. Only at Lowe's right now. Get a free select EGO 56 volt battery when you buy a select ego trimmer, blower or mower. Plus, get your choice of any two bags of Miracle Gro organic soil mirror mix for only $16. Shop these can't miss deals in store or online. Today, Lowe's, we help you Save ballot through 4:2. Selection varies by location, while supplies last, excludes Hawaii.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we have one very special guest coming to the stage here. He was just here a few days ago, and he was doing a podcast here in town, and that makes sense. Yep. He decided to stay a couple extra days so he could be on this show. It's very exciting.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Must have some money to do something like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

He does have some money. He, in fact, is the richest man alive. Please welcome Elon Musk, everyone.

[James Adomian]

Wow. Like, wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Elon Musk, everyone.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

There you go.

[James Adomian]

There, like spirit. Whoa.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Wow. The richest man alive. It's like, so.

[James Adomian]

It's like, wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Elon Musk. Hello.

[James Adomian]

Very cool.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Also.

[James Adomian]

Also, yes. Greetings to your panel, of course, hometown hero, Austin, Texas. It's great to be here in my hometown that I adopted. My hometown that I'm from.

[Nana]

You're.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a South African, as I recall.

[James Adomian]

It's Scott, of course. If I say yes in some way.

[Elon Musk]

Yes.

[James Adomian]

I'm South African and also Canadian, so I'm evil. But I'm very polite about it. You honestly. And, you know, you can be from someplace and adopt another place. And so, you know, Austin, it's like. It's like. It's like. It feels like home. You know, you go around and penny cabs, you know, for now, we're going to get rid of them and everything, but we've already started targeting them in the Tesla navigation apps. So cool. So cool. So many changes are happening, you know, so many.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You want to have.

[James Adomian]

Hey, legalized comedy, right?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Hey, I love that you have so much money, and I'm cute. Curious if you want to have a baby with me.

[James Adomian]

Oh, that's. That's very direct. I like a little bit of a game. I like to be the creeper.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

All right. I don't. All right, all right. I don't like that about you, and I don't want to have a baby with you.

[James Adomian]

Is there any way. Any way I can seduce you or otherwise manipulate you into having a child?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah. Throw me over a horse and see where it takes me. I'm down for whatever, man.

[James Adomian]

I'm trying to. I'm very curious. Have you. Have you procreated yet before?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I haven't. I haven't.

[James Adomian]

I haven't no, you've not.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

And honestly, it might be too late, buddy. But I'm down to try.

[James Adomian]

I'm down to try almost, in a sense, biologically. Then, you know, perfect, perfectly. Perhaps a sample for, you know.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You want my eggs?

[James Adomian]

Well, of course, the. The price of certain eggs are more expensive than they have been on in the past. Of course. But I think we can blame the past administration, the communists, for that one.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Okay, well, you can have them. I'll give you my eggs.

[James Adomian]

I do have. I have 14 and a half children that I know about.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Okay, let's make it. Let's make it 16.8.

[James Adomian]

I do, I do. I like to avoid integers and whole numbers.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Okay.

[James Adomian]

I do like the decimal system. Thank you very much. Yeah, that's really. There is a bit of an escrow problem, you know, if we're going to start the procreation process.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

So what's your favorite position?

[James Adomian]

Well, my favorite position is. I like to call it a.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah.

[James Adomian]

It'S a Harry Seldon position. Sort of a foundation reference. Yes. You know, foundation, like legalized comedy, like references people get. Right.

[Elon Musk]

I have a question for.

[James Adomian]

Oh, another woman. Yes, I like to. Of course they see, of course, the women competing to see who can compete for my.

[Elon Musk]

You seem to be doing groundbreaking things with science. How does electricity work?

[James Adomian]

Well, of course, you know, the most important thing with science is to come and have you have enough money and you buy a company and then you, you fire everyone and then you convene a press conference and you have like a, you know, a brand interaction here at south by Southwest and you go, hey, jump around inside the substack bounce house, you know. Oh, it's a bounce house. Where. Oh, I was, I was. I didn't get more right wing, you know, the bounce house got two left with.

[Elon Musk]

What the hell are you talking about?

[James Adomian]

Science, of course.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Can I sleep in that bounce house? Is it open just to anyone or do you have to have a badge?

[James Adomian]

Well, you know, it's not. It's not open to everyone, but we're trying to. The Doge team and all that is trying to, of course, sort of respond to some of the, you know, left wing fascism that has kept some of the badge holders out of some of these events in Southwest. Southwest. We can sleep in it, of course, and we can fuck in it.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Okay. Right.

[James Adomian]

And once it pops, that begins the. I have it unusual, unusual semen process, of course.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, what is it?

[James Adomian]

Well, because I've. I had two. I had a penile implant, of course, that went wrong. I have A lot of rich people probably. I have like rich guy voice because I have rich guy teeth.

[Elon Musk]

A penile implant. There's hope for you, my boy.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

It went wrong. How could that be? As long as you got one at the end of the day.

[James Adomian]

Of course, I've always had some forms of penises that are available to me.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Okay.

[James Adomian]

But also I'm also obsessed with the, the, the letter X, you know, my child X. Ash A12, of course. What a catchy name that one was. And the x.com and then previously x.com and then the space X and X rated.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

What we're about to do tonight.

[James Adomian]

X rating. Yes, because I like to. I'm. I'm. I'm unable to have erections in the traditional homo SAP.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Losing interest. I'm losing interest. I'll be straight up.

[James Adomian]

Oh no, but you, you lose interest. But it's so unusual. It usually brings people to some kind of orgasm, even if it's artificial.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Okay, keep going, keep going. Let's hear it.

[James Adomian]

Well, there had to be, you know, I wanted an X artificially implanted into my penile organ, of course. And so that made it not work because there was two penile implants sort of at loggerheads against each other. Sort of two 90 degree angles and everything. So I actually, I have to find a surrogate. I have to. I have my excellent sperm and I find a surrogate and I inject my sperm into the balls of another man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who then why don't, don't look at me.

[Elon Musk]

Well, there's hope for you yet, Scooty.

[James Adomian]

Well, I assume, you know, you know, there's all these stories that go around where they're like, oh, if someone paid you a million dollars, would you, you know, would you suck Brad's pit stick? And you know, if you're talking about billions of dollars, then you know, a pork skinned, you know, bloat body like me can get rid of pretty much whatever he wants. I can. Your balls and my cum can then into one of these girls.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I'll do it for free.

[James Adomian]

Well, that's easy.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

It just sounded fun. So you called yourself a pork skin blowpup.

[James Adomian]

Well, yes. You know, Azalea Banks never liked me. She called me a pork skin, bloat bodied, you know, a person who's sort of. It didn't work, but you know, I take the compliment. Like pork skin. Yeah, we're actually genetically engineering people. The human evolution of sexual attraction. We have data we've plugged into all your badges. South by Southwest and all that. And we're mining data. The Doge team is currently plugged into all the hotels. Everybody's having their little, you know, panels and so forth. And we're plugged into all your data and of course, we're scraping all your Social Security, income levels, tax returns, all those things. And we're going to start. There's going to be carrots and sticks where, oh, if you find a pork skin attractive, suddenly, you'll start getting rich. And I'm going to engineer myself artificially to the most attractive kind of person.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Wow.

[Elon Musk]

I have a suggestion. Can you take the nose of a pig and make it be the tip of a penis so that piss comes out one and the semen comes out the other so we don't have that one nasty hole where it all comes out?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That's good. That's a good question.

[James Adomian]

I'm very intrigued and I. Since there is a. If I might borrow, you know, a terminology of yours, certain of wisdom. There's the wisdom that comes with age, but also, you seem like you have the expanded life expectancy, which I think will do wonderful on Mars.

[Elon Musk]

Oh, yes, thank you. It is from learned experience. Have you ever done a keg stand? You don't want to slurp all the beer out of that tube and then have it be switched out with milk, do you?

[James Adomian]

I do. I actually do. I love. I don't. I don't mind having, you know, breast milk in keg stands. It's of artificially, you know, trying. Because that's what life will be like on Mars, of course. And yes, on Mars, I think we will be able to do all kinds of, like, human genetic changes, of course, with, you know, genetic modifications, genital modifications, of course, the gravity is slightly different and the laws are completely different because I'll be making.

[Elon Musk]

You are such a strange little boy. You should be friends with my grandson. This is a new friend for you, boy.

[James Adomian]

I thank you. I like the guidance of a stern woman.

[Elon Musk]

My mother hasn't got any friends.

[James Adomian]

My mother is made of frozen milk also.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi, Elan, my nan. I apologize for my nana. She wants us to be friends.

[Elon Musk]

Isn't he handsome? Tell him he's handsome. He's got loose.

[James Adomian]

Well, you know, there's a certain. Okay, I mean. I mean, it's great to get a compliment. You know, Joe Rogan said that I'm the swan, smartest person alive. And when the dumbest person alive says that about you, isn't that a great compliment?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like you're bookending each other.

[James Adomian]

It's like it's like, it's like, oh. Oh. The opposite kind of guy said like a great thing about. It's like, wow. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, here I am. I can say, yeah, you're a hot guy. Of course, because I look like. I look like a stack of, you know, melted ice cream kind of yummy.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

A stack?

[James Adomian]

Well, yes, I would be interested in paying you amount of money, by the way. I don't get any pleasure out of it. I have a constant. There's constant. There's just constantly an oozing. There's constantly an oozing of, of semen and other chemicals out of other chemicals, other chemicals out of. So I'm constantly, always there. There's always, you know, you'll see sperm view that it's always available to those who are able to receive it. But it has to be. It has to be. It has to enter either some sort, you know, a syringe of some kind or some people more turned on by the idea of like, you know, it into your ball sack and then you would fuck it into the receptive loins. You know, a lady legalized comedy. You know, like, you can't joke about things anymore. Lol, right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, this is the part that I don't understand. Why can't it just go from your X shaped penis into the woman's vagina? Why does it have to be injected into my balls?

[James Adomian]

Well, it doesn't have to be, but we just wanna, you know, we just like inject, you know, first of all, we like, you know, making things happen.

[Elon Musk]

You know, he likes making things happen.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Scott, do you think you could recreate how the Ninja Turtles became.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that's what we really want out of our rich guys is like, why can't we make the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles real?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Like with your radioactive jizz that you're describing with the chemicals.

[Scott Aukerman]

Down in the sewer.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Down in the sewer, where I feel a good amount of time and the turtles want to do something, but they're bored.

[James Adomian]

It's very interesting. That's a very, very, very fruitful. And I, I think I look forward to taking credit for that wonderful idea that you just caught up. Hey, we, we could. I'll temporary hire you and then it'll be, you know, I'll make you sign it, you know, an agreement that all of your intellectual property belongs to me. And then we'll be fired and then rehired desperately and then fired again and oops, your plane won't land. And then it's fine, it's Fine. We're going to, we're taking over, you know, SpaceX is going to take over navigation from the Federal Aviation Administration. And so soon all your commercial airline flights will start landing like SpaceX rockets sort of backwards, backwards trying to land on some kind of floating platform. And here in Austin, you, you know, it'll be out in the water, be like Barton Springs or something. And every little Southwest fight or whatever trying to land backwards like that and it has a two thirds success rate. So there's nothing to complain about. You're more like I've always said in the past technological regime, you're more likely to die in the car on the way to the flight than you are the actual, you know, in a comedy. And you could say that also that you're more likely to die of course in the self navigating Tesla operated limousines and so forth. And we're actually engineering that for certain people to die on the way to the airport too much easier to, you know, disavow than a plane crash or so sort of. Yes.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

But did you, did you like doing snl?

[James Adomian]

Oh yeah. It's like funniest. I'm like the funniest. Isn't it great? Isn't it great that we're just like, we're taking it over? Like it's like SNL can be funny again. Having guys like me on is that, isn't it? I, I pick, you know, I put on a costume and you know, we're recalibrating what laughter is, of course, because there's that kind of, there's this kind of.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel that happening right now.

[James Adomian]

There's this and I don't. And I'm happy to engage. If I tell you too much, I would probably be assassinated. And I don't, I'm so.

[Scott Aukerman]

We don't want that.

[James Adomian]

We don't want that. Thank you. You agree with Joe Rogan, the dumbest guy alive. We definitely don't want to be assassinated until my clones are ready and then I'm going to assassinate myself. Oh, you are. And, but it'll just be, you know, to try to. So I have a clone and all the in it. But sure, I think, sure, sure. I think I look forward, I look forward laughter on one. There's a kind of like. Yeah. Or whatever.

[Scott Aukerman]

The noise.

[James Adomian]

There's a more powerful human evolutionary narrative of laughter which is that. Which is online later in the, in the, in the, in the public discourse, you know, in x.com, you know that people get on there and they go, oh, lol. That was really funny. And they don't make us out. They don't actually laugh organically.

[Scott Aukerman]

So instead of people laughing, you want them to put LOL on.

[James Adomian]

I think it's on Twitter. Yeah. I think in the future, the future if you evolution of the human species, that's what laughter is going to be.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what laughter is going to be.

[James Adomian]

It's going to be people saying LOL and writing with their thumbs and because on Mars you won't be able to hear.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

So it's Nana.

[Elon Musk]

Scott, can I talk to you for a moment?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You want to talk over here?

[James Adomian]

When I hit it off with you.

[Elon Musk]

How are you liking the friendship date I set you on? How's it going, Scooty? You can tell me.

[Scott Aukerman]

This guy sucks.

[James Adomian]

I would love. I would love to the teenagers experience experiment with you.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

If I go, we should do that because I need you to meet Pennywise because he's actually very available for this.

[Elon Musk]

I like your girlfriend, but I don't like your new friend.

[James Adomian]

Have you met his friend? Foolish?

[Elon Musk]

Be a good challenge.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

He crazy. Yes.

[Elon Musk]

Now knock that girl down before the end of the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I'm married already. Okay. Elon.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Elon and I are going to make the Ninja Turtle.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you hear?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Hey, it's women's month.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sorry. Sorry. Pamela, what did you want to say?

[James Adomian]

Oh, sorry, I just got an alert on my phone. I just. Oh, I just. Congratulations to me. I just had two and a half more children.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, wow. Congratulations.

[Elon Musk]

That was an Amber alert.

[Scott Aukerman]

Elon, did you hear Gavin? No. Newsom's first episode of his podcast.

[James Adomian]

I think it's good. I think it's good. I think the radical left wing, far left, Lenin, Marxist Leninists like Gavin Newsom, the far left, the furthest. The furthest. The left door. They go out the door. That's where someone like Gavin Newsom is. To the left wing of an anarchist. And obviously they're becoming, you know, normal centrists like we fascists are. I think it's wonderful. Normal fascist centrism, I think is the wait is that people are coming back. You know, you can't be so far left for so long. You got to be like, wait, like, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't need to continue. I think we understand.

[James Adomian]

I think, I think, I think if you don't mind, I would like to continue. It's. It's just, it's totally, you know, it's like, exactly. It's like, wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lol.

[James Adomian]

Thank you. Lol. Right? Lol.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lol.

[James Adomian]

Lol.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it Seems like sparks are flying between you and Pamela here.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Shit's going down to crazy town.

[Scott Aukerman]

I will say, if you want to go on a second date, we'll pay for it.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Whoa. Like the dating game.

[James Adomian]

Oh, wow. No, I don't need you to pay for anything. I'm. I'm sucking money out of your future family. All of you. All of you. We've tracked all your badges and everything. Yeah. Your way of life is coming to an end.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Lol.

[James Adomian]

We're looking forward to rapidly increasing what you look forward. Look, you look to as destitute poverty. And you're gonna be desperate. You're gonna be desperate. We're gonna hire you back to press buttons and to program our AI machines.

[Scott Aukerman]

Elon, I think you need to woo Pamela a little bit.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

No, no.

[James Adomian]

She's desperate for it. She's desperate for it. She wants it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pamela, what is your dream date? If.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Elon. So you have, like, all the money.

[James Adomian]

In the world of all the money in the world, and the penis doesn't work, but that is something that many women have found very interesting.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

All good. All good. All good. All right. You have all of the money in the world. Then I'm saying we're going to Olive Garden. We're gonna have fettuccine Alfredo with the chicken. I'm gonna have a spicy marg. And that's it. Oh, and chocolate lava cake.

[James Adomian]

I will just. I'll sort of sit there snorting ketamine. And that's.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I'll do that, too.

[James Adomian]

I'll fondle some of. Fondle some of the Italian balls.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Fondling balls.

[James Adomian]

I'll fondle the bread bowls, of course.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh, yeah.

[James Adomian]

And I'm curious if you've ever. If you like any kind of foreplay, if you've ever done the kind of, like, libertarian, you know, free market foreplay.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

What's that?

[James Adomian]

Where there's a penis that doesn't get erect. But you kind of. If you've ever. If you're familiar with how to do heroin, if you. You kind of. You chase the dragon of the penis leak all the way down. You kind of inhale it through your nose and then. That's what.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That sounds fun and interesting.

[Elon Musk]

That's how I got pregnant with Scotch Daddy. I was with. With your grandpa.

[James Adomian]

Oh, you banged the gong.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait a minute. He's your son? My daddy.

[Elon Musk]

Yes, that's what I said.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's my grandpa as well.

[Elon Musk]

I got pregnant with your daddy, and you're. My daddy was in my belly.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're my grandma and my mom.

[Elon Musk]

What?

[James Adomian]

Wow. This really hits home. This is like what the Musk family reunions are like.

[Elon Musk]

I got pregnant pregnant with your dad.

[Scott Aukerman]

My dad got you pregnant, Nana?

[Elon Musk]

No, my grandpa got me pregnant.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your grandpa. My great great grandfather got you pregnant.

[Elon Musk]

Exactly. Now you're getting it, boy.

[James Adomian]

Wow.

[Elon Musk]

His dick didn't work either. So we'd slap, slap it around, flop it up and down, play it all trombone, slap it on the stairs. He jiggle old peanut butter slime down the stairs and I would chase it on a boogie board.

[James Adomian]

That's one way. That is one way to accomplish it without the insemination through, you know. The other set of balls, of course, is that you can slide down. Slide down hips first.

[Elon Musk]

Right, Exactly.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That sounds fun.

[James Adomian]

Lol.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Lol.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lol. Lol.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Lol.

[Elon Musk]

That's the next bridge of the International Women's Day song.

[James Adomian]

Yeah, you know, there's, you know, there's a lot of. There's a lot of comedy tropes that I think have been pushed by George Soros that we're going to be repealing soon. Like the Rule of Three. There's no reason, like there's no reason for this sort of left wing elitism of the rule of three. We're going to have a rule of, you know, 14 and a half or something like that. We just keep repeating the same thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, come up with 13 more comedy tropes.

[James Adomian]

You start repeating the same thing over and over again. Or you say the same thing in a different, slightly different way and it kind of trails off. Or, or the same iteration, A different iteration. Or you can even say the same thing several times. Or the same thing could be said in multiple different directions. And you see, they start coming around and realizing that they shouldn't come around. And that's when that happens, when you've actually deliberately lost all of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

13.

[James Adomian]

I think that's exactly where what 14 kind of comedy could, could almost turn.

[Scott Aukerman]

Into and a half. Thank you very much.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Lol.

[Scott Aukerman]

Elon Musk, everyone. Elon Musk.

[James Adomian]

Thank you. Wow, you're. I look forward to all of your deaths.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you have anything to do with that Gene Hackman situation? Tell us the truth.

[James Adomian]

Well, something went. Something went wrong. Of course I was trying, you know, I was. I admired his longevity and I was trying to in. Inseminate his balls in a certain way.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you're trying to inseminate Gene Hackman's balls?

[James Adomian]

Yeah, because they expressed some interest in me and the whole thing went haywire and I accidentally even kicked one of the dogs back into the Crate on my way. Stumbling out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on, Elon.

[James Adomian]

Elon, no. That's the new laughter that I've talked about. That's libertarian freedom laughter. I love that. Thank you for bringing up that topic. That was a great.

[Scott Aukerman]

My pleasure.

[James Adomian]

I was about to bring it up myself, but thank you for bringing it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, guys, we're all here now. Out on stage.

[Elon Musk]

Whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you know what that means. It's time for the CBB roundtable. That's right. Yes. That's the theme. Thank you. You know the rules of the round table. The table must be round, and the topics must be squarely at the heart of the issue.

[Elon Musk]

You're doing great.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is where the show gets a little real. I'm going to be asking you questions about the day's events, and we're just going to go rapid fire through them. All right.

[Elon Musk]

Do you want me to answer his peanut butter ketchup man? Sure, if you want to make you happy, sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nana. Yes, please answer his peanut butter ketchup man.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Can I answer? Is peanut butter ketchup man?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, Elon, you can answer.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

No, I'll be peanut butter ketchup girl.

[James Adomian]

Can I answer as my character, Adrian Ditman? See, that's such a funny thing that I do. I have this character that I made that's obviously me, and I spend billions of dollars on making people not really believe that I'm pulling it off.

[Elon Musk]

Oh, let him do that one, Scooty. It sounds sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, you can be Adrian Ditman.

[James Adomian]

Is that Adrian Ditman? I love everything Elon is doing from a separate space that I occupy. Part.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right.

[Elon Musk]

I'm a peanut butter ketchup man. I'm married to a baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that legal? All right, this is where we go through the issues of the day. What's on people's minds? Okay, I want to hear all of your various opinions on the issues of the day. All right, here we go. All right, first up, rapid fire. What's a pizza topping that most people hate but you secretly love?

[Elon Musk]

Ketchup?

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course. I would expect that from peanut butter Ketchup man.

[Elon Musk]

Peanut butter.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. And Andrew Dittman. Is that your name?

[James Adomian]

Yeah. Adrian Ditman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course, Adrian. Sorry.

[James Adomian]

Yeah. One of my favorite tiptoe toppings is foreskin. That's been a foreskin that's been recently circumcised.

[Scott Aukerman]

Recent. How recent? Of calamari and a side of calamari.

[James Adomian]

No, it's in the style of calamari. Lol. Of course. Obviously in a ring.

[Scott Aukerman]

And peanut butter ketchup. Girl?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Pepperoni.

[Elon Musk]

Scotty, do you want answer too?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

What do you like to eat?

[Elon Musk]

You can be a part of it. Go on.

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I, I, you know, I like a nice sausage pizza.

[Elon Musk]

And not a lot of other people like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Elon Musk]

Is that the question?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think so.

[Elon Musk]

You're so brave, Scooter.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, if you wanted to get abducted by aliens, how would you convince them to take you to their planet? All right, we'll start with peanut butter ketchup girl.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah, I just say let's, let's hang. Let's hang. You know, I get naked and walk into the woods and shit just goes down. You should try it sometime. I'm not peanut butter ketchup girl, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, are you Pamela again?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I'm only me. I can't be anyone else. No matter how hard I try. Every day I put makeup on like a lady and it falls right off.

[Scott Aukerman]

Adrian Ditman, Is that your name?

[James Adomian]

Okay. Actually, yes, that is the legitimate name. Of course. As you can tell from the screenshot of my. You know, the character.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're gonna need your answer.

[James Adomian]

If I were to entice an alien to bring me to his planet, or her planet, to inseminate her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Their planet.

[James Adomian]

Their planet. Oh, no pronouns. Okay, I guess. I'm sorry. Actually, I don't use pronouns. I've eliminated them from English language.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we don't know that aliens have genders. We don't know if they have time.

[James Adomian]

Wow. So, woke. Oh, go woke. Go broke. I think what I would do is I would set my planet aflame so that they would come to rescue me. And then I would hop on board their ship and be like, I'm in charge of you now. If I had the power, which I don't, but my favorite guy, Elon Musk, does.

[Scott Aukerman]

Inanna.

[Elon Musk]

I would offer them some crack. You. Now I'm answering as Pamela.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's getting very confusing up here.

[James Adomian]

Don't you see how this would have been less funny under this regime, but more funny in a futuristic regime if instead of three of these, there would be like 11 and a half more?

[Elon Musk]

I agree.

[Scott Aukerman]

In your opinion, what's the funniest word in the English language? Dittmann?

[James Adomian]

X, of course. X. Yeah, the word X.

[Scott Aukerman]

The word X. I don't know that that's a word necessarily. Can you jump up and do the X thing again?

[James Adomian]

Of course. Yeah.

[Elon Musk]

Careful, there's water.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah, that was natural.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was like half an X. You didn't lift one of your arms.

[James Adomian]

Well, also, yeah, I have the Microphone on it. The lavaliers went for me. Okay, sure.

[Elon Musk]

Careful.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Thank you.

[James Adomian]

And you gotta, you know, you make sure you gotta do that. You really always have to wear large size shirts, even when you should be wearing an xxl so that you have a little bit of pork spilling out the bottom of it. Whenever you jump up. The guy's trying to take a picture.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Nice pork.

[James Adomian]

Thank you. Thank you. See, we've already. We're steering evolution in a sexual direction.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pamela from Big Bear. I'll take either of you.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I'll take either of you. What? Oh, there's two of them. Let's say the funniest word at the same time, baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Taint. Wonderful. All right, if you were a sitcom character, what would be your catchphrase?

[Elon Musk]

Peanut butter and ketchup, baby. Now I'm back to peanut butter ketchup man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, thank you.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I'm not sucking that Door slam.

[Elon Musk]

Is that peanut butter ketchup girl?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yes.

[Elon Musk]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you say Doris Slam?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Door slam. After I say it. I slammed the door.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought you were attributing the quote to Doris Slam.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That was said by Doris Slam, May she rest in peace.

[James Adomian]

She was a prolific libertarian philosopher, actually, competitor with Ayn Rand, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

And Mr. Dipman, what is my sitcom catchphrase would be?

[James Adomian]

We really have to, we have to look at something like Social Security as a very dangerous Ponzi scheme. And we as free society wouldn't listen to court orders or things like that. A free society would do whatever the executive who's been elected wants to do and then stop having elections. And Ponzi schemes like Social Security have to go away and be replaced by stable currencies run by cryptocurrencies and so forth. And we're going to replace the dollar. That would be my.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not sure that's going to fit.

[James Adomian]

On a T shirt and then a door slam. Lol. Lol.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lol.

[Elon Musk]

I want to change my answer to Bazinga.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think that one is already being used, although it is laying fallow right now. Nana. Nana. Nana.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You made her feel bad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your shoulder is so sharp.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Fix it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nana, I apologize.

[Elon Musk]

You've been hard on me today.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, you said hard on.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Say you love her. Tell her.

[Elon Musk]

I've been desperate for you to say it back and you haven't said it all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nana, you only been on Comedy Bang Bang three times and those are the only three times I've ever seen you.

[Elon Musk]

But don't you love me? Scooty.

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I, I worry that the way I grew up without A grandmother.

[Elon Musk]

That was my bad. I was a piece of for that. Yeah, I let you down. I let a lot of people down. I was only thinking of myself, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right, Yeah, I agree.

[Elon Musk]

I was afraid of my own mortality. I didn't like being a grandma. I wanted to be called Gigi. Did you know that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Gigi.

[Elon Musk]

I didn't like the word grandma or Nana. I wanted Gigi or Cinnamon Girl. It was hard for me getting older. And I lied. You weren't an ugly baby. You were a gorgeous baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh my God.

[Nana]

Thank you.

[Elon Musk]

I wanted to look at you because I loved you so much, Scooty. And all I was was an aging Cinnamon girl with no one to love.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I. Whoa, Grandma, your hair looks like spaghetti all of a sudden. It's like flowing down your back like Medusa's heads.

[Elon Musk]

See, the pills are hitting her now.

[James Adomian]

There is something, a strange attraction that is awakening in me.

[Elon Musk]

You haven't taken the pills.

[James Adomian]

I'm aware. Of course. I have taken lots of pills. I take, I take DMT on an hourly basis.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Well, that, that X dick is coming out.

[James Adomian]

It looks like a waffle iron from underneath my pants.

[Elon Musk]

This is part of it. It starts with hallucinations.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Just a tiny little zip of that fly and that thing's taking over the whole stage.

[James Adomian]

You say immortal and you're all about. You're selfish and I like that. It's sort of like, yeah, sort of a science fiction, you know, foundation, ET and so forth, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nana, would you like Elon Musk to impregnate you?

[Elon Musk]

Yes, I would.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great.

[James Adomian]

I'll your grandson and he can from I see into you. It's the perfect kind of Musk family, you know, arrangement that we've done for many centuries.

[Elon Musk]

Human.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

No, no, do that, do that. I, I, I'll watch it later.

[Scott Aukerman]

You'll watch? You watch a. We have to tape it.

[James Adomian]

Of course. Is this how we're going to train future human societies?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

On an old camera? I put in a VCR rewind.

[James Adomian]

You don't have to consent, and it's better if you don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, we'll, we'll talk about this a little later in the show. All right, here's another question. Who would win in an arm wrestle? You or the person next to you?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Pamela, the person next to me is not next to me. They're over there. They're over there. Scott, the person next to me is behind me and the person next to you is next to me.

[Elon Musk]

Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think the drugs have worn off.

[Elon Musk]

What?

[James Adomian]

I'm next to you. Sorry.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You miss me.

[James Adomian]

It's hard to hear what I'm saying around the accent of my rich man teeth.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Oh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

You're next to me. Me?

[James Adomian]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you, Elon Musk, would you like to arm wrestle Pamela from Big Bear?

[James Adomian]

I. I think it's a challenge. Obviously.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I'll do it. Let's lay down.

[James Adomian]

Well, this is. This reminds me of my challenge.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Let's lay down.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, everyone.

[James Adomian]

The challenge to fight Mark Zuckerberg, which I was happily. I'll fight Mark Zuckerberg anytime. I'm happy to arm wrestle my opponent.

[Elon Musk]

The floor is going to get trousers.

[James Adomian]

Fantastic. There's water everywhere. Why not?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Elon Musk]

That's an absolute belly button. Soca.

[James Adomian]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You know what? I don't. It's so. I'm over it. Why even bother? Everyone knows I would win. It's so easy for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I have to hand.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

So slimy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have to say. I. I'm calling that as a draw. Neither of you won, although you gave up.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I think he gave up.

[James Adomian]

We're gonna have to take that to the international arm wrestling. It's gonna have to be adjudicated, and we're gonna be appointing. We're gonna be appointing some new Supreme Court justices, so it'll be appealed and all that, but we're gonna run that.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

It's gonna take too long.

[James Adomian]

I won. I won. I won because I said I did. And I purchased. I just. I purchased Esther's Follies. I'm buying after this.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're buying Esther's Follies? I'm buying Esther's Follies, the storied institution of Austin.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Did he win?

[James Adomian]

It's constitutional, technically, if you say it loud enough. There's nothing to stop me from buying Estes Follies, which. I mean, it was a great mistake. That's almost written into the name. Lol.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Lol. Lol.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, Nana, who do you want to arm wrestle? Elon Musk or me?

[Elon Musk]

Well, seeing as it's International Women's Day, I think the girls should take the boys in a double Decker. Let's go.

[James Adomian]

Oh, I'm highly interested.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you say double Decker, what exactly do you mean?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yep. Huh. Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

So both of us are. Oh, gee, you're on top of each other. All right.

[James Adomian]

That's right. And you'll notice. You'll notice that there is a receptive posture for your testicles. I'm not. I'm not him in his ass. I'm him in his testicles.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that this is.

[James Adomian]

Do you feel the X? Do you feel the xx?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, X. X? X. Oh, no. Oh, Jesus.

[Elon Musk]

I won that one.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I won. I won. Wow. Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. All right. Wow.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That was hot.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was strangely satisfying, wasn't it?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I see.

[Elon Musk]

Would anyone like a cigarette after that?

[James Adomian]

I do some ketamine and ayahuasca. If anybody's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ketamine and ayahuasca.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Let's do it. Let's do it. Come on, rip it out.

[Elon Musk]

The tip of my hair is wet from being dragged through a puddle and I hate it.

[James Adomian]

Do you feel the attachment to the life form that has been created inside of your womb?

[Elon Musk]

Have I become pregnant from that?

[James Adomian]

Probably with three and three life forms.

[Elon Musk]

Oh, hell. Scotty, you hear that? You're gonna have sisters.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my gosh. 3.75 of them.

[Elon Musk]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. This is incredible. Elon, you're sort of like my daddy now.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Wow.

[James Adomian]

We're all approaching the end of civilization, ladies. Does your man have post apocalyptic potential? Potential? The man you're dating.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you need a spotlight for this?

[James Adomian]

Does your men have a post apocalyptic potential like I do? Yeah. We're approaching a great mass extinction event. And the wealthiest will survive and the cleverest will not survive.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, what is the mass extinction event that's approaching?

[James Adomian]

Well, it was global warming, but we're going to speed it up with just a sort of a global nuclear civil war. And we're gonna. So congratulations. It's like the last time anybody's gonna have traditional Homo sapien fun.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Awesome. I guess I'm going back to my sewer. It's safe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Down with your neighbor.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah, my neighbor. My lover. Are you gonna be able to get me down there, Mr. Musk?

[James Adomian]

Well, part of me will leak down there, of course, in a certain way.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

That's fine.

[James Adomian]

You just like the great masters Leonardo and Mike Wickham, Michelangelo and so forth.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah. Why were they named after those famous painters?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think it was Splinter who decided to do. Wasn't Splinter mutated first? I don't know. This is my other show.

[Elon Musk]

Scotty, you're doing a good job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you, Nana. I appreciate that. Well, guys, just one last question here in the roundtable. If there's something that you want to say to the audience, go ahead, take the center stage.

[Elon Musk]

That's not a question.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Boy, if.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry you didn't let me get to it.

[Elon Musk]

Oh, okay. Go ahead.

[Scott Aukerman]

If there's something you want to say to the audience, go ahead, take center stage, won't you?

[Elon Musk]

Wonderful.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll Start with Nana.

[Elon Musk]

I'm on tonight. You know my hips don't lie.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

And I'm sorry.

[Elon Musk]

That's right. The attraction. The. Don't you see, baby? This is perfection.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wonderful. Wonderful. Elon Musk, go ahead and take center stage.

[James Adomian]

Center stage is actually. It's further right than people recognize. So I think this is the real center. And we're going to be dragging everyone over here. And actually, we're going to this. We're going to be so far to the right, you're not going to see us in a traditional way. But we run your lives, and we already have all of your data, all your base belong to us. Lol. Obviously. And the most important thing is if. If. If you want to say something and be taken like you're a genius, you. You say obviously before and after. Like, obviously. And they think, oh, this guy's thought of it a lot. And another very important thing to do if you want to pretend to be an influential, intelligent intellect is sort of make it sound like you have deep thought going into everything you do, and then just say something ridiculous, insane, and then they're gonna go, oh, that guy thought about it a lot. That's why he's insane, because he's been thinking so much. And if you. If you can buy enough websites, you can just say that you're a genius, and that becomes reality. So you're welcome. I'm a genius.

[Scott Aukerman]

So thank you, Elon Musk. All right, Pamela from Big Bear.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

My pussy is drier than this other hair on a hot Tuesday. Good night.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I thought that was exactly what you were trying to get at.

[James Adomian]

That does start.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

I thought it's what you were getting at.

[James Adomian]

It does start to bring the branding iron out.

[Elon Musk]

Scotty, did you want to say something? I feel that a lot of times you ask the questions, but you're not brave enough to answer them yourself.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're right. You're right, guys. This is our final comedy Bang Bang at the south by Southwest show. I'm sorry to announce it like this. We're never coming back.

[Elon Musk]

Take off your shirt. Who was just kidding.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who said that?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

It was me, Pamela.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want me to take off my shirt?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah, do it. Why not See what goes crazy?

[Scott Aukerman]

Only if you do it first.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Uh, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you've been such a warm and lovely audience to us over the years. I hate to leave, but you're gonna love to watch us go. And I want to thank our guests here tonight. My Nana.

[Elon Musk]

I love you, boy.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Say it. Say it back.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I think I could grow to Love you.

[Elon Musk]

I'll take it. Scooty boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Aw. And Elon Musk, it's so wonderful to meet you.

[James Adomian]

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. You see, that's real laughter. The hands obediently moving together. I like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

And Pamela from Big Bear.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Hey.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you do that, what are you?

[Pamela from Big Bear]

What am I, what does it make you think of? Move. Yes.

[Elon Musk]

Scott, does it remind you of your wife at all? He doesn't know.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Yeah. He doesn't know what that is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Licking.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

No, it's a de.

[Scott Aukerman]

Eats a de.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Eat a de. That was Mario's original catchphrase.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was it? Well, guys, south by Southwest, this is us bringing it to a close. I want to thank our audiences here. It means the world to us that you. You showed up here today and that has been our show. Everyone, thank you very much.

[James Adomian]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want to thank Lisa Gilroy, James Adomian, Lauren Rapkus. Good night, everyone. Thank you.

[Pamela from Big Bear]

Come and see.

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[Elon Musk]

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[Pamela from Big Bear]

With seven seat versatility, Google built in and advanced safety features for all your precious cargo. The new Volvo XC90 designed for life.

[Elon Musk]

Visit volvocars.com us to learn more.

[Nana]

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