Bonus Bang: Time Bobby 2 (Paul F. Tompkins, Bobby Moynihan)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Comedy Bang Bang: Bonus Bang – Time Bobby 2

Episode Information:

• Title: Bonus Bang: Time Bobby 2
• Hosts/Guests: Scott Aukerman (Host), Paul F. Tompkins, Bobby Moynihan
• Release Date: June 19, 2025

Introduction In this special bonus episode of Comedy Bang Bang, titled "Time Bobby 2," host Scott Aukerman reunites with recurring guests Paul F. Tompkins and Bobby Moynihan. Originally recorded in 2013 and heralded as the best episode of the year, this installment delves deeper into the whimsical and absurd adventures of its eccentric characters.

Key Characters and Roles

• Scott Aukerman: Host of the podcast, playing himself.
• Paul F. Tompkins: Portrays Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber.
• Bobby Moynihan: Takes on the role of Stab Happy Orphan Forville, a quirky and somewhat menacing character.

Main Discussion

1. Battle Whales and Alternate Dimensions [02:44 - 07:01]

   • Paul F. Tompkins introduces the concept of "battle whales," an absurd and humorous element controlled by the queen across multiple dimensions.
   • Scott Aukerman elaborates on the queen's control, humorously diminishing the scope to "only a hundred" dimensions and introducing corgis as part of the queen's dominion.
   • Notable Quote:
     • Scott Aukerman (00:10): "USAA knows dynamic duos can save the day like superheroes and Sidekicks or auto and home insurance."

2. Introduction of Stab Happy Orphan Forville [07:01 - 16:18]

   • Bobby Moynihan enters as Forville, an orphan with a penchant for stabbing, seeking reconciliation after previous misadventures.
   • The trio engages in a mock-serious dialogue about control, dimensions, and familial relationships, blending dark humor with playful banter.
   • Notable Quote:
     • Bobby Moynihan (16:16): "I am carrying. How."

3. Apologies and Time Travel Paradoxes [16:18 - 38:43]

   • Forville attempts to apologize for past transgressions, leading to a convoluted and humorous exploration of time travel and alternate realities.
   • The conversation spirals into absurdity with mentions of characters like Jay Davidson from The Crying Game and intertwined identities across dimensions.
   • Notable Quote:
     • Bobby Moynihan (35:35): "I would steal edible panties to eat."

4. Confrontation and Attempted Resolution [38:43 - 57:56]

   • Tensions escalate as Scott and Paul grapple with Forville's intentions, leading to staged attempts to "restrain" the character using Barbie handcuffs and other comical methods.
   • The dialogue continues to intertwine pop culture references, such as mentions of Vampires and Stephen Sondheim, maintaining a fast-paced and engaging comedic rhythm.
   • Notable Quote:
     • Paul F. Tompkins (56:02): "I didn't even see the movie yet because I was just born."

5. Final Showdown and Paradox Resolution [57:56 - 84:00]

   • The trio devises a pseudo-mnemonic strategy ("Interdimensional Frivolt Grab") to handle Forville, blending nonsensical tactics with comedic timing.
   • The narrative culminates in a looped confrontation where Scott, Paul, and Bobby navigate the complexities of their intertwined realities, ultimately attempting to "web" and oust the troublesome orphan.
   • Notable Quote:
     • Scott Aukerman (73:03): "It's been since I was a child. But I'm sure the old skills will come back to me."

Humor and Style

• The episode is characterized by its rapid-fire dialogue, blending absurdist humor with sharp wit.
• Frequent pop culture references and wordplay keep the conversation lively and engaging.
• The playful tension between characters adds depth to the comedic narrative, making it entertaining for both long-time listeners and newcomers.

Conclusion "Time Bobby 2" serves as a quintessential Comedy Bang Bang experience, merging scripted comedy with improvisational flair. The episode's intricate plotline, combined with memorable quotes and dynamic character interactions, underscores the show's enduring appeal. As the trio navigates the absurdities of alternate dimensions and time travel, listeners are treated to a rich tapestry of humor that encapsulates the spirit of Comedy Bang Bang.

Final Notable Quotes:

• Bobby Moynihan (82:22): "I have a beautiful life and a beautiful wife, and the only thing I want."
• Paul F. Tompkins (84:33): "Actions have consequences."

---

This detailed summary captures the essence of "Time Bobby 2," highlighting its key moments, comedic elements, and the chemistry between the hosts and guests. Whether you're a seasoned fan or a first-time listener, this episode promises an entertaining journey through the zany world of Comedy Bang Bang.

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

USAA knows dynamic duos can save the.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Day like superheroes and Sidekicks or auto and home insurance. With USAA you can bundle your auto.

[Scott Aukerman]

And home and save up to 10%.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Tap the banner to learn more and get a'@usaa.com bundle restrictions apply now more than ever. Lowes knows you don't just want a low price, you want the lowest price. And with our lowest price guarantee, you can count on us for competitive prices on all your home improvement projects. If you find a qualifying lower price somewhere else item, we'll match it Lowe's we help you save price Match applies the same item current price at qualifying retailers. Exclusions and terms apply. Learn how we'll match price@lowe's.com lowest price guarantee hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here and welcome to another Bonus Bang. Bonus Bangs being of course where we re release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the Paywall and and we are now in the middle of a series of episodes called Time Bobby. Hopefully you heard last week's Bonus Bang with Time the first episode. We are now going to be letting you hear the second Time Bobby episode. I believe this is called Time Bobby 2. This was originally released April 22, 201313 as episode 215. A lot of numbers I understand. 2, 2013, 22, 25, 215. It's a lot. But all you have to know is a year prior, Bobby Moynihan and Paul F. Tompkins and I sat down and we recorded the iconic Time Bobby episode which was voted on as the best episode of that year. And then this year in 2013 we reconvened. Paul F. Tompkins is playing Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and Bobby Moynihan returns as the Stab happy Orphan Forville. Now we find out in this episode a lot of different stuff. I don't want to spoil it for you, but if the words Tuval and freyvault mean anything to you, well, you're in for a good one. If you enjoy this episode and you want to hear more episodes featuring either Bobby Moynihan or Paul F. Tompkins or anyone else, become a [e-mail] we have all of the past episodes that you can't find anywhere else. We have every single live show we've ever done ad free new episodes, bonus shows like CBB Presents and Scott hasn't seen. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Come.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Brace yourself Battle whales. The tide is rising welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Ah, what a catchphrase. Brace yourself, battle whales. The tide is rising. Thank you so much for. That's so Ravenclaw. I like.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not supposed to say that in vain, Ravenclaw. No, no, that's made up the thing about the battle whales.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Really? The battle whales thing is real.

[Scott Aukerman]

The ancient call to the battle whales.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Brace yourself, battle whales.

[Scott Aukerman]

The tide is scolding.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Please, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

Leave it out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why would this person be so cavalier about this then?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't. The crown has many enemies.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, so these are whales controlled by the queen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Control. Not controlled by the queen, like telepathically.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

With a concentric circle?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no. That's just Corgis. Did you know the queen controls the world's population of corgis?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. God help us if she ever unleashes them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Even the ones here in the States.

[Scott Aukerman]

Corgis. The world over time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The world.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please don't call me even in ultimate alternate dimensions.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

My ultimate what?

[Scott Aukerman]

Theoretically, we don't know that there are alternate dimensions.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You mean the. Oh, you said do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Difficult to say. Alternate dimensions. Alternate dimensions. Every day, in every way, I am growing better and better.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So you mean the infinite amount of dimensions that exist every time we make as humans a choice? There are several other choices that we as humans could make.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sliding doors. Don't you do?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, of course. So then there is an infinite amount of alternate dimensions and this queen of.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, there's a hundred.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Only 100.

[Scott Aukerman]

Only 100.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And who controls these things? That much we know who's whose choices.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can, and may I say, 50 of them. Give it a miss.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's the same. Everyone's clothes are on backwards.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Boring.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember the group Krisscross came from that dimension and they traveled over here.

[Scott Aukerman]

How did you find out about that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I just remembered it.

[Scott Aukerman]

The science of remembering.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I searched back within the recesses of my mind and it was something that I knew. And so I said it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a bit of a detective. Much like the batting gentleman.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, the batting gentleman. What a great guy. Remember him?

[Scott Aukerman]

Vigilante justice.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So, getting back to the point, though. The queen controls. The queen in our universe controls the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, our queen, Elizabeth ii.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Not the queen in several other universes. Is there a queen in the hundred other universes?

[Scott Aukerman]

In, I would say roughly a quarter of them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So in 25. Enjoy your drink. Thank you. I thought you were gonna go on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tastes like professionalism.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Kind of expected there to be A longer answer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But 25. So 25 of these other universes, there is a queen?

[Scott Aukerman]

Roughly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But that queen does not control any of the Corgis.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. Only one Queen controls the Corgis.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

One Queen to control them all? Of course, yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's Tolkienian. Don't you do?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course. So this queen controls all the Corgis in the hundred other universes?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. What Corgis? There are.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What would happen if she was able to create some sort of interdimensional. Not barrier, but some sort of portal in which all the Corgis from all.

[Scott Aukerman]

A Stargate, if you will.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, sure. All the Corgis from all the other universes were to gather here on our Earth, would there be enough Corgis to enslave the human race? Answer me that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's the real question.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, I'm sorry mine wasn't good enough, but go ahead with this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whatever happened to Jay Davidson from the Crying Game?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That is a great question.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was in Stargate and then not much else.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It seemed he had all that heat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where is he now, I wonder.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Where might he be, Jay. What's his name?

[Scott Aukerman]

Davidson.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Davidson. Oh, that's part of the problem.

[Scott Aukerman]

Son of David.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, of course. Remember, last we talked, we spoke to the vicar of Yanks.

[Scott Aukerman]

We are Al Yankovic.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

And we discussed names, the provenance of surnames, of course.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In your country, where does yours come from?

[Scott Aukerman]

Webber? He who webs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm descended of spider people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Spider people?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, back in the Middle Ages, don't you know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

As soon as the Middle Ages, there were spider people. A lot of people don't know this in the science.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was only the Middle Ages.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's when they really flourished. Spider people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I understand. And then what happened to that race, that brave, brave race?

[Scott Aukerman]

No one wanted the webs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, so they were. They were not a warrior race, they were more.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They were craftsmen, tradesmen.

[Scott Aukerman]

They made tradesmen, if you will. They made webs for the villagers.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

No one had use of them. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I would wonder.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Webbers would say, here, now, I'll make you a web so you can catch some food. What food might that be? The villager might ask. The Webber would reply, flies. Well, no, thank you. I'm a human being. How dare you suggest I eat flies? I would imagine a typical conversation with the Middle East.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, I would imagine. Though Renfield would have been very into that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, from Bram Stokel's Dracula.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, of course. Yes. I imagine he would have found Great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Use for that fly eater. But he didn't have money. The insane aren't allowed to hold jobs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That is true. They're not allowed to hold money either. Anytime.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, they'll just eat it, darling.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Anytime an insane person actually grasps money, an alarm goes off at the treasury.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a ghastly nightmare.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Nicolas Cage is called the B of E. Yes, of course, the bank of England.

[Scott Aukerman]

I spelled it out for you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank you. Personally, I bank at the B of A.

[Scott Aukerman]

B of a Bank of Americar. Oh, Americar.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sadly, yes. By the way, I haven't introduced you.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I have.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do I need an introduction?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't believe you. So. But just in case. This is crazy, but if this is someone's very first foray into comedy bombs. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you've just. If you've been comatose for quite some time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. If you're in some sort of dead zone situation where the minute you woke up, you grasped someone and psychically realized that there is a podcast that you should be listening to.

[Scott Aukerman]

I say, wouldn't it be wonderful if someone, in one of these dead zone scenarios, they awake from their comma and they grasp an Oxford comma. Yes. I don't give a fuck about it. Vampire Weekend, your favorite band, by the way. I love them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Just a sidebar.

[Scott Aukerman]

Vampire Weekend.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We've talked about this many times off mic.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What do you love so much about Vampire Weekend?

[Scott Aukerman]

They're jaunty young lads with a fun dress sense. They're not trying to hurt anyone, despite their name. Perhaps the name means vampires having a weekend in which they do not suck the blood out of living people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you think they take Renfield along with them on this weekend?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I wonder if they have a fun. Renfield.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I wonder.

[Scott Aukerman]

A fellow who eats flies.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Have you thought about turning their music, what little music there is from them, their third album coming out right now, but. Into a musical.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, what I've thought is I wish they would take my works and turn them into fun pop albums.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There you go. Why do you always have to do the heavy lifting?

[Scott Aukerman]

Look at the heavy lifting.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So I wonder what that would be like. That would be like Jesus Christ Superstar. It would be like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you know those. The songs. Jesus Christ Superstars, perfect example, those songs. Very, very heavy, aren't they? They're rockin the rock and roll songs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure. The mind is clearer now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ooh, yes. Do sing it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

At last all too well I can see where we all soon will be.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you realize you knew so Much.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If you strip away.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've got goose pimples.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The myth from the man we will see where we all soon will be.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've got rhino plates. Jesus. Excellent mic technique. You started to believe the things they say of you. Oh, you'd make a wonderful Judas.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Would?

[Scott Aukerman]

I know but for one thing, and I think you know what it is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What is that?

[Scott Aukerman]

The please don't make me say it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The color spelled with a U. Meow. Now of my.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please, that's enough. You go too far, sir.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right. So sorry. How did we get on Vampire Weekend? What were we talking about right before that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Renfield's. Before that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Before the Vampire Weekend we were talking about. Oh, yes. When someone is in a comma.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, yes. If they work from their karma and they grasp someone and they instantly were able to download, as it were, all the information available about me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lord Andrew Lloyd Werbarth. That's who I am.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That is true.

[Scott Aukerman]

In a Shyamalanian ending, I have revealed my own identity, usurping the power from you, the host.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well then I shall reveal my own identity. I'm the host, Scott Aukerman.

[Scott Aukerman]

You haven't. I say, you've beat me at my own game. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Were you about to reveal my identity?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd assumed you'd already done so in.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A J. Davidson type twist. I decided to reveal my own.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whatever happened to you?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

To me. And this is comedy bing bong. Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course it is. It's comedy bing bang.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And another episode. And you are my co host this week.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, Another episode.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can we. Why do we keep going?

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the end game? Really?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, do me a favor.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

These episodes, really, I mean, we put out enough good ones, you could just re listen to those over and over.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, now I see. Oh, there might be two schools of thought about that, dear boy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Really? What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Perhaps you're searching for one more good one to go out on.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Ah, yeah. Well, maybe if this one's a good one, this'll be the end.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll hope spring's a turtle.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Alright, well, thank you so much for being my co hostian.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is my pleasure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And what has been going on with you, Andrew Lloyd Webber? Have you. I mean, you've been living in the merry old land of Ing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. England, of course.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And it's been a while since we have spoken.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been quite a while.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's been, of course, quite a while. And I always love to catch up with you because you're always up to something fascinatingly. Interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yes, Aren't I?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Always up to something fascinatingly interesting. I say, do you hear that rap.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Tap tapping upon the our chamber door?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Tis a visitor, I suppose, and nothing more.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Hello.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where's that voice coming from?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Hello.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm looking in the space where a regular sized human being man would be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. Directly across from our eyeballs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There is nothing there.

[Scott Aukerman]

And yet I distinctly hear a voice.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You gotta look down towards the ground.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's that? Skuldrick, do you see whom I espy?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. Oh my gosh. I think I see it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Hi, guys. Dawn, hello.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's dear Fovel.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's been a while yet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Spin.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's been now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Foval, it's been quite a while since.

[Bobby Moynihan]

We'Ve seen you yet. It's been a long time. But it's good to see you guys.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I am paralyzed with fright.

[Scott Aukerman]

Keep calm. Do the other thing.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm sorry. I just wanted to start off by apologizing for stabbing you last time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Last time you were on the show, you were a frisky little boy.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I call a little stabby.

[Scott Aukerman]

You did get quite stabby.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. It's been a long time since then, so.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been the worst experience of my life.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It'S been a long time since.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you seen Jimmy Stewart?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Dismissive. Jimmy Stewart, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Didn't realize he was also dismissive.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Very dismissive.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Fourville. Let me catch the listeners up on what is happening right now. One of the last times that Lord Webber. Lloyd. Lord Webber.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Lord Lloyd Lloyd Webber Lloyd. Webby.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Webby. Got together a tiny young orphan boy. Hugh.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Hugh Jackman.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, Hugh. That I'm looking at right now.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, I thought you meant to have.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, he's been to broadcasting school.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So Hugh came into the studio looking for scraps.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I was lost.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You were lost and you were looking for scraps and then ended up looking for a father. Lord Lord was about to.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Lord Lord Lil. Lord. Lord Webby.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was going to make you my wardrobe.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Invite you to my castle.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

To live in a gilded cage on.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Top of the world.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you live on top of the world?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Didn't you know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We've never spoken about what your actual address is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Bobby Moynihan]

The North Pole 500. Top of the world.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, that's right. If you would like to send me some correspondence, simply address it to Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. The North Pole.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember at one point there was a big court case deciding whether or not you were real and someone from the Post Office came in and dumped just sacks and sacks of letters to you on.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was such a hassle, they declared a mistrial. Of course I'm allowed to walk the earth as a real person.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are they retrying it though? Ever since this turn?

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope not. What do you know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You should check in on that to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do some web research. But first squad, let's not forget Weber Research. Let's not forget we have a stabby orphan in front of us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I totally forgot. I got so sidetracked.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm not gonna hurt anybody. I mean, unless you fucking get me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is the problem.

[Scott Aukerman]

The unless. Exactly what happened last time you said.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You weren't gonna hurt us.

[Bobby Moynihan]

And then you said unhurt nobody. I just want love and some food. Maybe some scrap. Like if you have some flies, I'll eat those.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you have Renfieldian behavior from Volvo.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can you still make the webs?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been quite a while.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, how long it's been?

[Scott Aukerman]

Since I was a child, I think.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Engineer Frank, did we install the metal detectors in the studio yet? Ah, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why haven't you done that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We have this open door pulse.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been on your honey do list forever.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's been on my honey do list forever and I. We still have not done it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Look, I don't wanna. I don't wanna start this again. I just wanna be truthful this time. I am. I am carrying. How.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How many knives are you?

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, he's got. He's got a plastic knife, got a.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Bandolier full of knives, wooden knife. He's got knives with every butter. Knife. Not. It's actually made of butter.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my goodness. Really? Hardened butter?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

My goodness. That's kind of cute.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It gets warm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Icicle.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You have an icicle in your bandolier?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's the perfect murder weapon. Because.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Because you get so. And then it melted and nobody knows.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then you've also got a leg of lamb in there. A frozen leg of lamb.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. I can't eat it because it's frozen or else I'd be chowing down. But I just wanted to let you know I'm always packing. I can't help it. Cause I'm from the streets.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I do. For new listeners, yes, this is a young orphan, Fourville. And why do you call yourself Fourville? Or why did.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's like five. We'll put one less.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, right, right, right. Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everything.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I forget these things.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I have a. My little brother's threefold.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have family now. Wait a minute. If you've got family, dear boy, why are you running around stabbing people for scraps?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, they died.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I do apologize.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You were speaking of him in the present tense, were you?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Because I still carry him with me in my little heart.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, in your heart? Oh, I was afraid he was in that bandolier.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I also was afraid I hate parts of them. Are.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They frozen?

[Bobby Moynihan]

No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Just loose meat scraps.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In other words, relatively recent death, this.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Threefold, suffered a couple days ago. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And might I inquire, I say, ask trepidatiously, what might have been the cause of Threevil's demise?

[Bobby Moynihan]

We were watching a movie and he said he wanted to go sleep and could you turn down. I said, are you. Are you fucking kidding me, bro? Are you fucking kidding me, bro? This is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What movie?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm sorry, what movie?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Was it something that had to be listened to loudly.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It was the droll mama from the train.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, okay, I understand.

[Scott Aukerman]

Loud train sounds.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Scott Aukerman]

Adds to the. Oh, that's quite good.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Thank you so much. That was a good train.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's almost like you're watching it right now.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I thought there was a train coming. I was gonna hop on it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that's what you do as an orphan?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. A little boxcar.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can I ask you a question that I'm very, very concerned about?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Of course.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You say there's loose meat of your brother Threeville inside your bandolier.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And loose meat is scraps. And it's heavily established that skull trick. You're out there looking for scraps.

[Scott Aukerman]

Skull trick.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Got your key?

[Scott Aukerman]

You fucking. I'm very alarmed at this conversational night.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is that questioning?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm just wondering, are you about to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Say what I think you're about to say?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Ah, yes. Whatever happened to Jay Davidson?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, what did happen to Jay Davidson?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you know Forville?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know what happened to Jay Davidson?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Look on the back of my bandolier.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my God. His. Jay Davidson's penis. This big surprise of the crying game. Spoiler alert.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, wait, you recognize us on site?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, of course I do. The most famous penis in the world.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do the fair point.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why? How did you get Jay Davidson's penis?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I saw him at the store one day and I said, hey, you Jay Davidson, right? And he said, why?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why? Yeah. What a voice he had. Remember his melodious voice?

[Scott Aukerman]

He had a beautiful akin to Jeffrey Holden. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He could have been the new Darth Vader in the new movies.

[Bobby Moynihan]

He said, you look lonely. And I said, I need. I need A home to stay. And he said, you can stay with me. And I said, let me see that dick. And I cut it right off.

[Scott Aukerman]

But why?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Because I don't want to live with that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You could have just said no.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I guess I could, but when you're on the streets, man, you got to think quick. You got to be on your toes. Even if they're little orphan toes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Was his penis exposed in the store? This is what I'm on. What kind of store is this?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Like a little freak, man. He walked around with his paint out all time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What store is this?

[Bobby Moynihan]

The only way people recognize him.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is this some sort of pornography store that you were at? Is that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, Was at the pornography store.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Lay Sex shoppie.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. A latex joby new high end. Yeah. Sometimes I go in there and steal edible panties to eat.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now I feel bad for him again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Although you claim to me pretty much.

[Bobby Moynihan]

My whole life is making people feel bad for me, so. So then I could live with them.

[Scott Aukerman]

But. So you're aware of it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's your modus operanda. As much as I just. I know. My cognizant. Yeah, Cognizant. Correct.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, that's. I. I just. I worry that you're out there searching for scraps and what you're doing is carving up human beings and then eating them. I mean, just to lay it out.

[Bobby Moynihan]

There, never ate a human being. Don't. Don't slander me like that. I just. I mean, I keep them just in case. Cause if it ever gets real bad, I might have to. But thank God it hasn't gotten disappoint yet.

[Scott Aukerman]

No human flesh.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. And it's just my brother. Part of my brother. Losing me and penis. That's all I got to fought or. It's not like I'm a math murderer.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let me ask you this. If you were. If it were to come to that, if you were in some sort of situation where there were no more edible panties to eat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shudder to think. What kind of a world would that be?

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's a living nightmare.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What would you eat?

[Scott Aukerman]

Alternate dimension.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Which would you eat first? Would you eat your brother Threevil or would you eat J. Davidson?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm not gonna lie. I think I'm going for the brother. Because if given the choice, I would like to consume my own brother first.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But wouldn't that be some sort of. I mean, let alone the fratricide part of it? But you'd be consuming a member of your own family.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, but it would be to sustain my own life. So it's like he's helping me, the other guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I don't know if you heard Dubai, but we don't do that anymore. It simply isn't done.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's just not done. Yeah, we don't eat anyone of the human race, let alone our own family.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Some people do it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I feel like maybe someone in the darkest of Africa. Yeah, let that sit down.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Just let that one ride itself out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Absolutely.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course, you know, they get the big pot and they. You know, when Bob Hope and like.

[Bobby Moynihan]

In Looney Tunes, when Bob Hope and.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Bing Crosby would go there, they. They would roast them in the pot. Anyway, Dorothy Lamour would be hanging out.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know these movies.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm a big fan of film and television.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can you tell us about your brother Threevil? What was he like?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, it's been a long time since I talked to him because he died.

[Scott Aukerman]

How long has it been?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, it's been about a couple days now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So not that long. But in a tiny child's life.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You live on the streets, man, each day is like an eternity.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How old are you again?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Me? Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. So tell us about him. I mean, did he have a certain joie de vivre?

[Bobby Moynihan]

He did. He was French.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I was not for the listeners.

[Scott Aukerman]

Joy of life.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So he was born in France. You were born here?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, he was my little brother. 3 Vol. And we would just scamper around the earth to go. Trying to just make.

[Scott Aukerman]

Around the Earth.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. The whole earth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Trot of the globe.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I've been everywhere.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're some sort of Curly, like.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Like. Menolark Lemon, Right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who am I thinking of?

[Scott Aukerman]

Curly Neil.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I thought you met Curly from the Harlem Club.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I did, yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay, good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What's his name? Curly. Curious.

[Scott Aukerman]

Curly Neil.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Curly Neil.

[Scott Aukerman]

I do doubt my knowledge of the Harlem Globe Project.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You were instructing me to kneel. As you often do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I wish you would. It should be understood.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I am a lord.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I know. But we don't. We don't respect that here in Americar.

[Scott Aukerman]

We never should have allowed that to happen.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So now you took a trip to Paris. Then your parents. Your parents were still alive.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Before I stabbed them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right. And you took a trip to Paris to go to Paris. Disneyland, I'm assuming.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, of course. Why else would you go to Disneyland? It depends what time of the year it is. It's a seasonal thing. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Every other day in the autumn.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Every other day it's open.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Every other day it's open. Is that one of your new songs?

[Scott Aukerman]

No. Oh, you're talking about song.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Song. I mean, you write songs, don't you write?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, I certainly do.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Of course, he's more.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do you bring up songs, all of us?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I just. It was a beautiful melody that you started.

[Scott Aukerman]

Melody.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Every other day. It's a pie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you singing?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. I don't understand. Cause you liked it before. It's been.

[Scott Aukerman]

I liked it when you sing one of my songs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So you would travel the globe together. And what was he like? I mean, what did he like to do?

[Bobby Moynihan]

He was exactly like me. Except a little bit tinier. One less than me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure, sure.

[Bobby Moynihan]

And. But he had a big, thick mustache for a little baby, which was strange. I. Sometimes I think he might have been older. And he was a liar.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So when you were alive, you were one of your.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm still alive.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, of course. I'm so sorry. I don't mean to imply that you're not.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Please, I'm still alive.

[Scott Aukerman]

Insulting sculpture.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Give me the fucking respect, man. I'm sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

No disrespect, man.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was a sleep.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That tongue would look good with an icicle in it if you don't want to fall.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Please, I don't want you to cut out my tongue and have it reside next to Jay Davidson's penis. Look, what I meant to say is, your very first memory since your earliest of memories, your brother Threevil was alive. Yeah, and so my very first memory.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Was my actual birth. I have the devil.

[Scott Aukerman]

Use it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Phenomenal memory.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

My goodness. What happened? Can you describe it?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I. I like. It looked like a door opening and I saw a little doctor man.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, was this in Asia or. No, you were born in the States.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I was born in the States, but funny enough, it was Asian. Padmerita.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Pat Morita. Was your.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Was it my. My mom's doctor. Oh, doctor, ma' am.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did he slap his hands together and rub them together?

[Bobby Moynihan]

He did, yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my gosh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, just to catch me up.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay. I don't understand why this would be.

[Scott Aukerman]

Confusing, but I just want to follow it because there's many details, twists and turns.

[Bobby Moynihan]

As always, yours.

[Scott Aukerman]

As always. Never a dull moment with Vorval.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course not.

[Scott Aukerman]

You claim to remember your actual birth. You're giving us a first person account of the birthing process?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It sounds legit to me because all those details that he mentioned sound like what would happen in an actual.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everything sounds legit until we get to the deliverer of you, the doctor man.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Pat Morita.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Yeah, it's the same Pat Morita from the Karate Kid and from Happy Days.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And from Happy Days, created by our good friend Gary Marshall.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I think he did a Jay Leno one.

[Scott Aukerman]

He gave me tinnitus.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, really? Jay? Speaking of Jay Leno, the tonight you showed. So. Yeah, he did that movie with Jay Leno where they were cops.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I think so. The fine film.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was that cold?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't remember. But I remember he karate chopped a car.

[Scott Aukerman]

She and him.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Of course he did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She and him.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was that the name of it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, that was the Crying Game you're thinking of.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ah, thank you. Okay, yes, I think of the Crying Game. She and him.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right, so Pat Marie. So you're on board now, Pat Marie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Pulls up. Thank you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay, now that that's out of the way.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, so then was your brother there in the room to greet you when you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

He wasn't, but he was out. I heard he was down at the gift shop.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, well, there you.

[Scott Aukerman]

There. There's your answer. He's definitely not your little brother if he was already there when you were being there.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But he's smaller than me, so he's my little brother.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And they named him Threeville because they knew that they would have a baby in the future. That was.

[Bobby Moynihan]

He was nameless for a little while, I think, and then they just went for it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What were your parents names?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Nancy and Nancy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Nancy and Nancy, of course, can be a man's name. So was it two men?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh my gosh. Okay. Because you cut them up.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. They don't know how to act sometimes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

What would be some of their transgressions that were stab worthy?

[Bobby Moynihan]

One time they woke me up too early and that was the last draw. Cause I'm not a morning person.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You seem to have a lot of issues with either people sleeping or you sleeping. And your sleep cycles in your family are really.

[Bobby Moynihan]

There's two things. I mean, I think this goes for everyone, but there are two things in the world that will get you stabbed, and that's waking someone up early and taking someone's french fries.

[Scott Aukerman]

So anytime anyone disturbs your circadian rhythms. Yeah, you're ready to stab.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm ready to stab at the job of a hat. But mostly if I. If somebody wakes me up abruptly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure, yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Just cover your neck, ma' am. Protect your neck. Is that Wu Tang style?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, of course. So now when you say taking someone's French fries, do you mean you'll stab someone as you take their french fries?

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, no, I would never take someone's French fries. That's like. I'm not positive but that might be a federal offense.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Even if the choice between you starving to death or not was stealing someone's French fries or eating your brother Threeville, what would you do?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I would eat my brother.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You would eat your brother before you stole someone's French fries? My goodness.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I would eat his loose meat.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's good, because I have some French fries here, and I just, you know, I wanted to make sure it was a safe room and you don't eat French fries, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

They'll never pass my lips.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, of course. Because you're English through and through.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. I'll never eat a potato in any form.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Potatoes in general. Is that never. Is that because of the Irish as well?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. The dirty Irish.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, now, that's not for you to say. Okay, only for me, the dirty Irish.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But I just. I have some here and I wanted to make sure everything was cool. And I wasn't gonna offend anyone or I wasn't gonna.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No one's gonna, you know, I'm starving.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure. But I mean, you know, you're not gonna take them, obviously.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, I would never. Because you don't take another man's French fries.

[Scott Aukerman]

May I ask for.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Please don't be an asshole and chew real loud when, you know, this is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Just in my normal chew. I'm sorry that it's loud.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Your normal.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're both in the wrong. First of all, you're eating on Mike. Disgusting.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So what?

[Scott Aukerman]

Secondly, your language is appalling for. As it was before.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Now, let.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me say this. Let me ask you this. Ful.

[Bobby Moynihan]

More specifically, one of those fries so bad. You could offer too. You could just be a nice.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm sorry, it's a small order, please, because I. Portion control for me. So.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You're a small boy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I know, but I'm a large boy and I only have a small.

[Scott Aukerman]

Gentlemen, I beg of you. This is a very important, important question. Scotrick, you'll want me to ask this question.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Please do.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You're taunting me, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel like, let's say someone was the possessor of some French fries. French fries, as we call them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Frenching fries.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, French. They have been French. Okay, so they've been befrened for.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You would never stab someone for their French fries. What? No, I take it back. You would never steal French fries from a living man.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, you shouldn't do that.

[Scott Aukerman]

But would you take the French fries from a recently stabbed dead man?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, of course. Oh. Cause they're free on the ground.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you see Skulltrek maybe I'd better put these fries away.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I think you should just. Because.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I tell you, I think we all know my track record is spotty at best.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm just recovering from my wounds. We never talked about that. On the next episode though.

[Scott Aukerman]

But it was too painful.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. I mean, we were in a comma for a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's given me ptsd.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

O L. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of lordships. Oh, I see. Okay.

[Bobby Moynihan]

All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm going to put these fries away. Tell you what, we have to take a little break. Is that okay Forville?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I mean, I think it's okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Breaks not a stabbing offense.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, I'm not. I don't want to stab you guys. It's actually really good to see you. Very glad to hear you. Even though, to be honest, I listened to the recording. You guys kind of treated me like shit.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We were saying some stuff that he couldn't hear.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Talk behind my back. Oh, you're two faced. Kind of. But I'm here to mend this relationship. That's why we came here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We'll mend it. We'll mend it. Tell you what, let's take a little break. When we come back, we'll have more Lord Webber. We'll have more 4 Vol. And we'll be get it right Fourville. Of course.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Get it right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

4 Volume 4 Volvo. Okay, we'll be right back with comedy. Bam. Going after this. USAA knows dynamic duos can save the day. Like superheroes and sidekicks or auto and home insurance. With usaa, you can bundle your auto.

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Paul F. Tompkins]

Tap the banner to learn more and get a'@usaa.com bundle restrictions apply. Look around.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can find cars like these on Autotrader. Like that car riding your tail.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Or if you're tailgating right now, all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Those cars doubling as kitchens and living rooms are on aut. Are you working out and listening to this ad at the same time? Well, multitasking pro cars like the ones in the gym parking lot are for sale on autotrader. New cars, used cars, electric cars, maybe even flying cars. Okay, no flying cars. But as soon as they get invented, they'll be on Autotrader. Just you wait.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Autotrader Instacart is here to keep you on the couch this basketball season. With pre game rituals and post game interviews. It's hard to find time for everything else. Let Instacart handle your game day snack.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or weekly restocks with delivery in as fast as 30 minutes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because it's bad Luck to be hungry on game day. Download the Instacart app today and enjoy zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees apply for three orders in 14 days. Excludes restaurants. Welcome back to the show. Comedy Bang Bang. We're here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Welcome back to the show Comedy Bang Bang.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, thank you, Lord Weber.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's been a while to. Since we went away.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's been about two minutes or so. Yeah, of course. Well, we'll be back.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been about that long. Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now, we were in the middle of what I thought was going to be just a kind of dissection of Andrew Lloyd Webber's career.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A retrospective where we started with. Jesus Christ. No, I'm sorry. Joseph and the Amazing. Technicolor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Joseph and the Amazing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How many colors were. Were in that coat of many colors? Do you remember all those? Actually, not that many. Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Not that many. How many in the actual stage production?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. In the actual coat.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was two colors, really. Yes. We didn't have quite the budgets we have now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And were they just black and white?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

But we sang about so many colors, we thought we could put one over on the audience. And do you know, it worked.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I thought we were just going to be talking to Andrew Lloyd Webber this entire show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Did I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I'm so sorry. We'll get back to that episode, of course, at a future date.

[Scott Aukerman]

I look forward to it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We are being held captive.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yes, that's right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's not what's happening, man.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

During the break, we tried to exit.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Why would you do that? We're not done yet. I mean, it's just rude. I was walking down the street and I heard the beautiful voice, and I thought, this is my time to come apologize.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Maybe this is the problem. I shouldn't have you on the show anymore. Andrew Lloyd Webber.

[Scott Aukerman]

You blame me?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I mean, he heard your voice, and all of a sudden, here, I'm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Some sort of a stabby orphan lightning rod.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm gonna be honest. I was outside when Weird Al Yankovic was here, but I gave the respect to that man.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay.

[Bobby Moynihan]

And I didn't come in. But if you don't hear from Weird Al again, that's not now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I say, wait a minute.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why does he deserve respect and we don't?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Honestly? Because you guys fucking punked me over last time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think you're bearing the lead you gave me. He just intimated that he has murdered to death Weird Al Yankovic.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Bobby Moynihan]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He said if we don't hear from him again. Do you have anything else in that? In that half sack of yours?

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you murdered the Vicar of Yanks or are you going to?

[Bobby Moynihan]

This Hawaiian T shirt didn't come from.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He has a Hawaiian T shirt made that's just covered in blood. Oh, that's what your knapsack is actually made of. I should have noticed it was a Hawaiian pattern.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scotrick, I need to talk to you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Uh, yeah. Do you mind?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, no, not at all. This. Yeah, I'm sure this will end perfectly. Jesus fucking Christ. I'll be over here. Not listening. Assholes. Thank you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Forval.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scotric.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel as if Forval is just as dangerous as he ever was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I had hoped he would be less dangerous. It seems to me that murder is on his mind today.

[Scott Aukerman]

I had hoped that he was dead. He seems to be alive and stabby.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I had hoped that perhaps when he had attacked the Vicar of Yanks that perhaps Alfred had gotten the best of him and perhaps. I'm sure it would be kind of an equal battle for a little while. But then at the last second, Alfred would have grabbed the knife that had been kicked away and then just stabbed him repeatedly.

[Scott Aukerman]

If only his name was dangerous. Alfred Yankovic.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He really missed the boat on that.

[Scott Aukerman]

He did. He did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, what do we do?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't know. What?

[Scott Aukerman]

I suppose let's just play along for now, placate the boy and ride out the clock.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm worried that he's armed and he has so many. Especially the icicle.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, are you worried that he's armed?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What I mean to say is perhaps we could get those weapons away from him now, dear boy. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you remember the last time we attempted to do such a thing?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It didn't work out for us.

[Scott Aukerman]

You remember Knife crab.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I sort of remember it. I can't really remember what it stood for.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nor can I. Well, can I. Well, there was K. K He's got a knife.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's got a knife. Of course. N N no, really, he does have a knife.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. I do hope he does not stab us with that knife. He clearly has.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. F F Forgive me, but this knife that he has is really scaring me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. E E Now he's got a knife, which is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We've established that when you shout, you turn cockney. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

And at that point I'd certainly be shouting.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course. Then.

[Scott Aukerman]

G G Go blimey.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're really shouting at this point.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Go blimey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Someone come get this knife away from this someone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Get his fucking knife.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please don't. Guy. Richard.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then, of course. R. R. Really? Ain't someone gonna get this fucking knife.

[Scott Aukerman]

Off of him now? Who's that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's you when you're really, really, really shouting at your thought.

[Scott Aukerman]

Crocodile Dundee had showed up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Please.

[Scott Aukerman]

A a A shame it would be were we to be stabbed by this child and his knife.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're not shouting at this point because you have been stabbed and the blood is.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm becoming very reflective.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

My life passing before by.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course. And then, of course. B.

[Scott Aukerman]

Boy, oh, boy, I hope we don't get stabbed anymore.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Here we come. God, we're about to meet you. That's correct, boy. Yeah, that didn't work out for us. So we.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wonder if we might come up with a different stratagem, okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

For dealing with perhaps restraining him. Would that work? I mean, we didn't try that last time.

[Scott Aukerman]

We just perhaps rather. Rather than grabbing for the knife, we grab for the little orphan himself.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Orphan grab.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Orphan grass.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, how will we remember the secret code word orphan grass?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, we could turn it into a mnemonic device, I suppose.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I see. That's a clever idea.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, well, let's try it out. So.

[Scott Aukerman]

O O oh, no. We've got to get that orphan.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, of course. Then. R. Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Really.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Lord Webber, please grab the orphan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

P. Phone. Someone use this phone and call someone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who is expert at grabbing orphans.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

H. Hello. Are you an orphan who needs grabbing? I rather think you are.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Fonz is so cool. Surely he would grab an orphan. Let's. Let's emulate his behaviors. No, no. An orphan. He's grabbing. Who will do it? Us. G. G, your hair smells terrific. Won't you consider grabbing an orphan?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are. Are you going to grab this orphan or not? A A, Faulty's back, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

B, Boy, who needs grabbing that orphan right now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course. Okay, so if this comes up, if anyone. If either of us says orphan grab.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We're going to grab him.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll remember. And just so we're crystal clear on everything, orphan grabs our code word, and it stands for okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh. Oh, gosh. What does orphan grab stand for?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that what we'll have to tell babe? We have to make sure we're both clear on this. I, of course, remember.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You do?

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course I do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no. Oh. Oh, God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, very close.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh. Oh, there's an orphan boy. We must grab him.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's good enough.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's good enough. Okay, Rich, are really Orphans. We need to. Oh, gosh, this is. You know what? I think this is gonna be too much for me to remember. Maybe we should just say orphan grab.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. I do hope we remember that code word.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let's bring him back and see.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Forval.

[Scott Aukerman]

Forval. Hello, dear boy. Come back over here. Put away your coloring book. Get off your little pony.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I brought my little pony.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you a bit of a brony?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm sorry?

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you a bit of a brony?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I am. I thought you'd asked me if I was a jabroni. Oh, no, he would.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, no, no, he wouldn't say that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, I didn't. I was very confused by it. It seemed foreign coming out of his mouth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I'm a huge fan of the Worldwide Wrestling Federation.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And Worldwide Wrestling Entertainment, as it's known now.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I lived with Vince McMahon for 12 years. What?

[Scott Aukerman]

12 years?

[Bobby Moynihan]

How old are you? Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh. So whatever happened to Vince McMahon then? Why didn't you just stay with him?

[Bobby Moynihan]

He was a terrible man. He didn't treat me right.

[Scott Aukerman]

What were some of the. The mistreatments you suffered at the hands of Vince McMahon?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, I mean, to be honest, you see how he treats those wrestlers, you know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that's true.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone's play action, aren't they? It's wrestling.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, but it's hard on their bodies. I mean, not to get on a serious topic or nothing, but those guys really give their entire lives.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But.

[Scott Aukerman]

But it's free will.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, they choose to do Free Willy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Free Willy, the wrestler?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Remember he was the orca themed wrestler?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. The only way you could beat him was if you rubbed his tongue.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Can I ask, where does Vince McMahon's name come from? Lord Webber.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was an Irish name.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Mac Man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mac Man. So he's a son of man.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, like the first man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Adam. I say, do you think Vince McMahon.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Much like the Antichrist, son of man.

[Scott Aukerman]

He'S Cain or Abel.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But you don't gotta worry about him no more.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait a minute now.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you saying?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm fairly certain that he's.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Are you? Seriously? You're not. Do you think that's the same guy?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You. There's a mcmantle Ganger.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my gosh.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I've killed a lot of people, guys. A lot of famous people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did you kill Pat Morita, by the way?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So you came out of the womb? What, did you grab a scalpel or.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I came out my womb. Mom gave birth in the back of a car and Pat Morita was there. He just happened to be walking by and he delivered the baby, and I came out and that was it. I. Crane kicked him right in the throat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Beaten at his own game.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, but why? I hadn't even seen the movie yet because I was just born.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It just was instinct for you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, a lot of. A lot of it is. I pretty much work on instinct alone.

[Scott Aukerman]

I must ask, what did you think of the film?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, it's fantastic.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's fun.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's been fun. The second one was a little weird, and then the one with Hilary Swank really bothered me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What about the new one, though, with Jaden?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, I mean, that's the shit.

[Scott Aukerman]

Reboot. Yeah, for the reboots.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You don't care, really? Well, no reboots at all. What if someone were to reboot Phantom of the Opera?

[Scott Aukerman]

I say, who would do such a thing?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, you did when you. When you created the musical sequel. No, no, I mean, the. The actual first one is a reboot.

[Scott Aukerman]

A singing reboot, drawing on source material of the classic sing boot. Same as a reboot. How dare you, sir.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You created a sing boot, sir.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have created no such thing. Boots, sir.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What if there were boots that could sing? That kind of gives me little to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Beauty and the Beast, isn't it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Booty and the Beast.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I think there was Singing Boots who Framed Roger Rabbit.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You think so?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I think there actually was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, he was screaming for his life.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, well, singing, he put him in the dip. So very weird. Vast knowledge of obscure things.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, well, you know, you've been around for a while, I guess.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why don't you grow?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Why don't you shut the up? Why don't I grow? Why don't you offer French fries like a gentleman?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Look, I put them away. That's the very least I could do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, put them in your Fry Vault.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Speaking of Fry Vault, do you have a brother? Fry Vault?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Really?

[Bobby Moynihan]

My oldest.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I just was hazarding a guess, but.

[Bobby Moynihan]

This is my oldest younger brother.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So Freiblet is your oldest?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Young.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is Freible still with us?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't you live with him?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What? Why?

[Scott Aukerman]

Why?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Because he don't have a home, neither.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, so he's gonna perish just from the conditions out on the streets?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, he's got. He's got the gout.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no. How did he come to get the gout of such a tender age?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I think from eating too much salt.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, that'll do it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Does he have scurvy as well?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, the vitamin Deficiency.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't you feed him some limes?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't have no limes. I got nothing. All I got is. All I got is the shirt on my back and this bandolier full of insane weapons.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. And of course, Jay Davidson's.

[Bobby Moynihan]

And J. David. Oh, that's right. Jay Davidson's.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the loose scraps of your little brother.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, well, that's too bad for Freibold.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, I'd love to meet him someday.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, I don't know if you would, because.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Really?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, he. He's got a. He's got a worse temper than I do.

[Scott Aukerman]

I say, is he close by?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I think he might be.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, why would we summon him up?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is he not a fan of Lord Weber here?

[Scott Aukerman]

Scot record? Of course he is.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't know how to tell you this, Andrew.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Bobby Moynihan]

He's not a fan?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What, is he actively staying away because of Lord Weber's presence?

[Bobby Moynihan]

He's all about Sondheim.

[Scott Aukerman]

I cannot. I. Oh, Sondheim. Has ever dropped a chandelier? Or did he save you?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How did he get his name?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sondheim?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Heimer of Sonds.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right there in the day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Writer of songs. Heimer of Sonds. Indeed. Yes. Well, so he would not want to come in, Is that what you're saying?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I mean, he follows me around sometimes, so we have each other's back in a literal sense. But if he shows up, it's not my fault.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You know, I'm just saying.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're saying he has a worse temper than yours?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Much worse. Yeah. Much, much worse.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What would he make of my Fry Vault?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, he would get confused, I think, at first. Because that's his name.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because I'd say, this is my Fry Vault, and he would say, I'm not your Fry Vault.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Because that's what he sounds like.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's what he sounds like?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's the same confusion I suffer around many grills.

[Bobby Moynihan]

He sounds a lot like Jay Davidson, if he does.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Even the Foreman Grill.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, the Foreman Grill. I just don't understand. How do they get the fat out?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, it drips down into the fat catcher.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's why it's at an angle. Well, thank you. Another mystery solved. I've just won a bet with Sarah Brightman.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're still on good terms with Sarah Brightman?

[Scott Aukerman]

We're on betting terms.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I see.

[Scott Aukerman]

About grills.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So really, anytime a grill themed bet comes up, you'll call Sarah Brightman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Other than that, we do not speak.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. Well, I hope he doesn't come because he sounds dangerous.

[Scott Aukerman]

I will say, let me go on record of saying the last thing I want to happen on this earth is for this Frival to show up in this studio.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It truly is, because he will. He will gut you in.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It'll be a day of reckoning.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Good news that he won't be here.

[Bobby Moynihan]

A day you won't. Don't forget.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, we have to take a break here in a second, but I do want to see Orphan. Grab.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hold him. Hold him.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I got him.

[Scott Aukerman]

I got him. He's so strong.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Get off of me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, we'll be right back. Over his head.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We'll be right back after this. Adam Pally here, and I'm John Gabris.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're a couple actors and best friends.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who you may know as the host.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now we're bringing you a comedic look.

[Scott Aukerman]

At health and wellness with our new show, Staying Alive.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We'll have guests like our friend, actor Jerry O' Connell, ketamine therapist, Dr. Stephen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Radowitz, Paul Shear, Ego Wodem, Gillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Staying alive with John Gabrison. Adam Pally is out right now. Get them a week early and ad free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts. How many discounts does USAA auto insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi vehicle discount. Safe driver discount. New vehicle discount, Storage discount. How many discounts will you stack up? Tap the banner or visit usaa.com autodiscounts restrictions apply. Is anyone out there? Another salesperson enduring the endless search. Exhausting.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you want to get right to the right conversations, you need LinkedIn Sales Navigator. Whether you're looking for new leads or.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Strengthening existing relationships at your top account.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get right to the right conversations with LinkedIn Sales Navigator. Try LinkedIn Sales Navigator now with a.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Free 60 day [e-mail] trial. That's LinkedIn.com trial. Terms and conditions apply. Comedy Bang Bang.

[Scott Aukerman]

Weber.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was tough.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was a rough go.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was a rough go.

[Bobby Moynihan]

This is some bullshit. Did the way you treat me. Don't quiet me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't be quiet over that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Quiet Forville.

[Bobby Moynihan]

The way you treat me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Got him. And we were for it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank God that I brought these handcuffs and these heavy, strong ropes here into the studio. We have him.

[Scott Aukerman]

A lucky coincidence.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We have forval tied to a chair here and they're little tiny handcuffs which really came in handy.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're rather charming.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, they are. They're Barbie handcuffs.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm pissed off, but they are adorable.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm glad that you can recognize that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why would they make Barbie handcuffs?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, Barbie's into some weird shit.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, man.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

With Ken.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shame for the children.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Ken Burns, I mean.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, certainly the documentarian.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, of course. Ken Burns fucks Barbies. Have we ever talked about that on.

[Scott Aukerman]

The show off mic. Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course. So thank goodness. But we have Forval restrained. I feel much better.

[Scott Aukerman]

We shan't have to worry that we're going to be stabbed by.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We've taken away his bandolier full of things. And we have the icicle locked up.

[Scott Aukerman]

In the fry vault.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We locked it up in the fry vault. Of course.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Put it in my brother.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, no, no. This is the confusion. My French fry vault where I keep all my hot fries. Yeah, we put the icicle in the fry vault which keeps the fries warm. So hopefully it'll melt down. So Forval, I guess the shoe's on the other foot here, huh?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now you are at our mercy for the first time.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I. I came here to apologize and you guys treat me like this. But I'm not gonna say I get it. I truly get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, you did a shabby job of apologizing.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't. I know you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The very first words out of your mouth were I don't want to stab you butt.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's a terrible way to begin an apology.

[Bobby Moynihan]

At least I was being honest.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I guess we.

[Scott Aukerman]

I do commend you for your honesty.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank you for your candor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Every good boy deserves fudge.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, that's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That was part of knife grab as a circle. Never mind. So now that we have you at our mercy, we can ask you some questions. And you have to answer them honestly or else we, you know, we have some telephone books here and we, you know, sack full of oranges, you know.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Bar soap in a sock. I see.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Code red.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. Mountain Dew. Code red. We'll force you to drink it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You guys are the. You guys are terrorists?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, sorry, just not the code red.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So here we go. Forville, you gotta answer our questions or else you are in for it.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. It's been a long time coming.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right, so Forval, first off, we want to ask. How old are you? Yeah, how old are you?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You must answer right now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Uh huh.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm six years old.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel as if he's lying.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I knew even if he wasn't, I was gonna hit him any. He stabbed us almost to death.

[Scott Aukerman]

That is true.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know I mean, this feels good.

[Bobby Moynihan]

If I get out of here, you don't even understand what's going to happen to you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah. You're not getting out of here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's be honest.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. You think it's so tough right now?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I do think I'm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, God. You like that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I actually. I don't really enjoy. No, I don't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's kind of rhetorical, though, I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I was sincerely asking.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, you were?

[Scott Aukerman]

You never know.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, it's not fun to be here with Telephone board rights noted. Stop it. You're hurting me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Getting more fun or less fun?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Less fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you for taking my survey. I just have two more questions.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Ow. Stop it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You're beating a child.

[Scott Aukerman]

A stabby child. Are you a child?

[Bobby Moynihan]

You're beating a little orphan.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you a little orphan? Because I frankly have my suspicions.

[Scott Aukerman]

As do I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You've claimed that you lived with Vince McMahon.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I've lived with a bunch of people for 12 years.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How can you be six years old?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Like I said, on the streets, time gets long, so I don't understand time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, God.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That was the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stop. That first one was just to lure you into a census.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, that was crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sense of security.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you have a sense of security?

[Scott Aukerman]

Ow.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Stop it. Four of them. That one didn't hurt much, but.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay. I'm so sorry.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Give me another one.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, here we go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, dear.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let me get my phone.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why did you put it back down?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I thought I was done with this.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You're not a very good Foley artist.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Here we go. Ready?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, stop it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Double yeah. You had that coming.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, what were you gonna ask, Lord Weber?

[Scott Aukerman]

Four.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I could take this, by the way.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Really? You've been tortured before?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Of course I've been tortured before.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who's tortured you before?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't want it to name five names.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Bruce Willis, Jessica Tandy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course. She was great at it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Kathy Bates. This guy Tom.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah. He's not famous. Wait, Tom Cruise?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rather famous.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Kelly McGillis.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Kelly McGillis.

[Scott Aukerman]

Witness.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

From Top Gun. I say.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Oh, that one was just extra. Why'd you do that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You gave us the name.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You just don't like Kelly McGillis.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I don't. Yeah. Four volts.

[Bobby Moynihan]

This is torture. You're two grown men torturing a small little orphan.

[Scott Aukerman]

You stabbed us unto death, dear boy.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's true.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a dangerous creature. And I say creature purposefully because I feel as if there's something about you that's not quite natural.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait. A minute. Are you saying that he's some sort of supernatural creature?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Akin to something Garry Marshall would chase in his off hours.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. I dare say, that demented old monster hunter.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So is that true forval? Are you not of this earth?

[Bobby Moynihan]

That might not be. No, you might not be of this earth.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why?

[Scott Aukerman]

Why have you come here to stab human beings?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm a Time Bobby.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm a Time Bobby.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait a minute.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't know how to tell you this, Scott.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you an IA of Time Bobby?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Internal Affairs.

[Scott Aukerman]

A time traveling serpico?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What have I done wrong?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Everything.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh dear. Oh no.

[Scott Aukerman]

This doesn't look good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Scotrick, if you're just listening to this for the first time. Last time Goodbye was on the show. Last time I was on the show, we established that. I'm a Time Bobby. Hopping throughout time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just Ganon.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. Taking care of wayward time travelers.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, you screwed up everything. The buttercream effect.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. How did I screw it up? I'm trying to take care of everything.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't know how to tell you this, but have you ever seen a baby picture of yourself?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, let me search back using the science of memory. Certainly search back through the recesses of my mind. Wait a minute. No, I have not.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone's seen a baby picture of themselves.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I think my parents. Parents never. Never took pictures of me when I was young. Is that possible?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Or maybe they were destroyed for a reason.

[Scott Aukerman]

What reason could that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What reason?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't know how to tell you this, but you are beating yourself.

[Scott Aukerman]

What? Scotch.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait a minute. Bruises are appearing on my body.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look what you've done. You. Scott, you're looping. You're looping. Scottish.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh. Ow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

God, I'm in such pain. How do you take this?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Because I'm strong. I can. Scott, because I'm you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You were me as a child.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, this. I know it sounds crazy. Like this took an insane turn and.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It doesn't even seem to add up with all the information that we have previously swear.

[Scott Aukerman]

But that all could have been a lie.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's the buttercream effect, man. You screwed everything up by going back in time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why are you trying to kill me to death then? If you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm just trying to hang out and. And be cool and live with you. You offered me a home. You said you would be my dad. And then you took that away from me. So I stabbed the fucking shit out of you to prove a point.

[Scott Aukerman]

The reason I took it away is because you kept threatening to Stab everyone.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I can't help it. I'm stabbing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Actions have consequences. It is like the buttercream effect. All the candies you eat in one time or what happens future candies.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Also, you know, actions have consequences, as we saw on Downtown Abbey. When. I'm just saying that the servants, you know, they get into these scrapes and they, you know, I mean, it affects the people upstairs.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I knew it.

[Scott Aukerman]

In the midst of a strange science fictional, supernatural situation.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure, but still, it's Downton Downtown Abbey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, please, please.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm now praying to get stabbed by yourself.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

My favorite show. When they are there at down and they're trying to save downtown, and all the people live at Down Downtown and they go downtown all day. I don't. So why am I not stabby? Why have I grown up into the way I am?

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you saying it gets better?

[Bobby Moynihan]

It gets better, Scott.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, Scotrick, if we allow Vorvel to flourish, to live, perhaps to find love, he'll grow up into a fine young man like you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

All I need to do is find a good home, and then I grow up to be an amazing podcast.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, what about my home where I.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Grew up, which is also my home, My childhood home.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait a minute.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But you don't remember.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You murdered my parents. I always wondered how my parents died.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, you murdered your parents.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my God, I did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, dude, who remembers?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Godfrey? Oh, my God, I'm remembering it now. I'm remembering everything. The cab Pat Morita, the roundhouse kick that dislocated his head. Oh, and then everything after the first day.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my God. My life. Becoming a time Bobby in Internal affairs. Trying to catch myself.

[Scott Aukerman]

Closing the loop, as it were.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Stabbing myself.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You looped yourself?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no. I didn't even get the gold bars.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What. What is. I remember it all. So many choices I made. So many. My little brother.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And Sixal.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, God.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no, not Sixal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Quite a family.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What happened to him?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Catherine's hundreds of dust.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, hundreds.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And Freyvault. Oh, my God, what a terror.

[Bobby Moynihan]

The bad seed, the black sheep of the fish.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you say hundreds, are we talking about alternate dimensions?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What? But they're all converging here in this dimension.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, so are you me from an alternate dimension? I see. But now that you're here, I'm remembering your past as if it's my past.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, because you screwed everything up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no, we were.

[Bobby Moynihan]

We were both in crisscross for a period of time as well.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The two of us. You as a young boy and me as an older boy.

[Bobby Moynihan]

We were totally whacked out. Getting all the ladies.

[Scott Aukerman]

That is familiar. I do. I do recall now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember that most of you crisscross. That was a good three weeks that we were famous.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You made me solid three weeks.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. I mean, for 21 days.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A good 21 days. A lot happened.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Really tight. Really good stuff. A lot of jumping.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Too much jumping. Yeah. My arches.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Too much jumping.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great deal.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No. Ah. My God. I can't. I remember everything. And all my family and. And boy. Wait a minute. I remember what happened. What happened to the Freyvault here.

[Scott Aukerman]

What? What happened?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I remember. Well, I remember. Let me. It was. It's been a while ago. It's been as.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's been.

[Scott Aukerman]

How long?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's been as many years as Forville is of age. Minus however old I am. Which. I don't even know how old I am anymore. It seems as if I've been alive forever. I remember the dinosaurs. I remember the.

[Bobby Moynihan]

The television show.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Television dinosaurs. So how long have I been alive?

[Bobby Moynihan]

A long time. It's not how long have you been alive? The real question is how long haven't you been alive?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh my God. I'm sorry for asking that other stupid question.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, yeah. You realize you beat me with a phone book for no reason now, right? Well, I. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have arrived at this information.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, we got there.

[Scott Aukerman]

So. Torture works. We've proven it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, it does.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm trying to remember what happened to the Fry Vol. I think I'll remember at some point and then I'll.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I say Fawful. All of these trans dimensional fourvels, Fivels, Sixels, what have you so many. Why are they converging on this dimension?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Because it's time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Time for Scotrick. There's a lump in my throat as I attempt to ask this question. But I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Please ask it, my dear boy, as I am too afeared.

[Scott Aukerman]

Time for what? Forville.

[Bobby Moynihan]

The Lil reckoning.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh dear.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The Lil Reckoning.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lil Reckoning.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

L. I apostrophe.

[Bobby Moynihan]

L. Yeah. Lil.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let me get this straight.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Like Lil Kim.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay, right. That makes sense.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Now you get.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. So you are the foreville of this dimension. Yeah, the. No, sorry. You are the. You're the Fievel. No, you're the Four. Right, yes. I'm sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Five.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I'm getting very confused.

[Bobby Moynihan]

There's no Fievel in my family. There's only the famous Fievel.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay. So that's not a Fievel.

[Bobby Moynihan]

From another dimension related to him. He's a fucking cartoon rat.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay. So sorry. I just assumed there was another alternate. Alternate?

[Scott Aukerman]

It is difficult.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's an alternate dimension where instead of humans, the world is anthropomorphic rats.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And Fievel was your doppelganger.

[Scott Aukerman]

Isaac. How'd you come to know so much about these ultimate dimensions?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But what I'm trying to get at is that you, from all these other dimensions are now being called to this Earth. And it's time for the little reckoning.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Because it's time to set things straight. What I really came here to do, Scott, was to apologize and take. To give you your life back. Because you're doing so well and I want you to thrive. Even though I had a bad childhood, because of all the terribleness and all the stabbings and killings, I realize now that what I've done is bad. So I came here to stop it and to let you go free of all this and correct all the wrongdoings. But you've decided to tie me up like a little fucking bitch and hit me with a phone book.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So can I say that your monologue was very affecting until that last sentence.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, yeah. When I started to get real, when.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I started cursed, I was welling up with tears, about to grab my tear basin.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No need for it now.

[Scott Aukerman]

I felt it was getting a bit dusty in here.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What I'm saying is you deserve the best because you're a good man. And you're true.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scotrick. Your tears falling into your tear basin.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Falling into your tear basin.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm sorry, guys.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I have a beautiful life and a beautiful wife, and the only thing I want.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Happy wife, happy life.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. You created that term. You don't even remember it. Happy wife, different dimension. Happy wife, happy life.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

High five.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now's not the time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sorry. Sorry.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm willing to come here and take this torture and maybe even die by your hands. Slash my own hands.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If I kill you, though, what happens to me?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I say. Paradox.

[Bobby Moynihan]

He'll disappear. Well, you'll go to a dance and you'll play a Johnny B. Goode song, and then maybe.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That sounds fun.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, it's really fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

A song by Johnny B. Goode.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Will Marvin Barry be off to the side his.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. Calling his cousin Chuck.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Mayor Goldie Wilson might be driving around.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure, I bet he would.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That guy with the 3D glasses? Will he be.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, that guy's dead. Oh, yeah?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What happened to him?

[Bobby Moynihan]

He died.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He died in 1956.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, gosh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rest in peace.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Terrible story.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Well, what I'm trying to say is I'm willing to come here to apologize and give my own life so that you can live on and have a fruitful career.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, great. Well, let's get that icicle out of the Fry Vault and let's kill. Let's carve him up. What do you say?

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yo, what's going on? I remember now. Yo, it's Fry Vault.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fry Vault. Fryville.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, I remember. He comes in, and then we say, hey, have you seen my Freyvault? And then he gets confused, and he doesn't. He thinks that. That. So what you got to say to me? Ah. Fry Vault. Yeah. Wait, I'm confused. Yes. I'm pointing at my Fry Vault. That's why you're confused. I did not know if you were talking to me or if you were pointed at me. I'm pointing at my Fry Vault right now. I'm saying Fry Vault. Fry Vault, comma, your brother or your, I guess, your interdimensional other self. Other self's icicle is contained within. And that is a statement. Fry Vault, you're interdimensional brothers. Icicle is continuing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's a statement.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And Borville, is everything okay over here?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't know. I don't think it's going okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't like.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yo, are you Andrew Lloyd Webber?

[Scott Aukerman]

Who wants to know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I do. Cause I'm asking. Alfred.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I'm Stephen Sondheim.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, the great Stephen Sondheim. For real?

[Scott Aukerman]

Certainly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yo, I'm not gonna lie. I'm a huge fan. I'm a huge fan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you. It's good to meet a fellow American.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You hear his American accent?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm from New York.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

New York City.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. I don't like that barbecue sauce.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. So. What an honor to me. This is an honor, man. I was ready to kill people. Good, good. I was ready to kill a bunch of people. If you were Andrew Lloyd Webber, I swear to God, I' would have cut your own throat out.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wouldn't blame you. Who likes that fellow? His terrible music.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Steven, tell us about the creation of Sweeney Todd, if you would. Oh, my God. That would be a dream.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it was quite easy, really.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's Andrew Lloyd Webb. Where? He's lying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shut up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What the. What the hell did you say?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Andrew Lloyd Webber. He's a liar.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Freible, freible, freible. Please don't listen here for a second. We're gonna have a private conversation. Oh. So just don't listen for a minute, okay? I'll be over here for a sec. Okay, sure. Sondheim, man. Good to meet you, bro.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Fucking great to meet you, son. Just go off into the corner for a second. I want to talk to you. I'm gonna sit on top of this. Fry Vault. Don't get confused. Okay? Okay. 4 Vol.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Come on, man.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm afraid of him too. Guys, you gotta get me in on this one. We need a code word if anything goes wrong.

[Scott Aukerman]

Good point.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, well, I suggest a code word, possibly. Fry Vault Grab.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I think that's perfect.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know if that's specific.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Maybe a shorter one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I was going to go longer.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, what did you have in mind?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Interdimensional. I'm in no position.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Interdimensional. 4 Vol grab.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I guess. No, it should be. No, don't grab me again. I'm not doing shit. Fry Vault Grab.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because if it's Fry Vault Grab, we might grab the Fry Volt.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're right. Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

So if we say. If we make the code word interdimensional. Frivolt. Gram will know exactly what to do.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Then no one will be confused.

[Scott Aukerman]

I fear we may forget this code word. What shall we do to remember it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I have one idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm open to suggestions.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait. I have two ideas, actually. No, just the one. I think that we could make a mnemonic device out of this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I see.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's a brilliant idea. That's quite good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, well, Fourville, perhaps you have some idea of what the Eye could stand for.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. We'll go round Rock.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Okay, great. Yeah. Could you untie me first? No, I get it. Don't bother. I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is it difficult for you to come.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm sorry that I brought all this upon you. My brother, Fry Vault, who is also your brother, and you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

That's not too hard to remember.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, no, no. Wait. Are you talking about my Fry Vault?

[Bobby Moynihan]

The interdimensional Fry. I'm a little confused right now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I thought you were talking about my Fry Vault.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, no.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In which I keep my fries.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

The strategy keeps. Keep the term and the proper name for a vault out of the mnemonic divider.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, it is a proper name as a term as well. Because it's a copy.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a brand name.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, it's a brand name.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Much like Kleenex, it's the thing that's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come to mean any sort of vault wherein people stole fries.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, of course. Yes, and some microwaves.

[Bobby Moynihan]

So I'm sorry for the eye. I'm sorry that this is about to go down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Certainly very simple. I'll take the N. Okay. Nay, it is I who should be sorry for inviting such plague upon this studio with my brilliance that you admired in the first place.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

N. Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

N. Sorry. What am I thinking of? T. This is already too hard for me to remember. And we're only 3 in T. Try to remember that. T is the next part of interdimensional four volley. I believe so.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I don't speak too good because I never went to school.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait. I went to school.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Orphan boy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I went to school, though. Please, Paradox, go ahead. Oh, wait a minute. I have a picture of my yearbook here. It's disappearing.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Of course it is.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, no, no.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I never went to school. Now I'm not so good. No wonder I messed up the T for the end.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Gotta go to the Enchantment under the Sea dance and correct all that at some point. Point?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I hate dances. All right, go ahead.

[Bobby Moynihan]

E is for erasing all of the badness and getting back some goodness in our lives.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ah, Rage. Rage against this interdimensional menace who is attempting to kill us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do I have a hyphen or do I have a D?

[Scott Aukerman]

D?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, great. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Perfect.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Perfect.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was going to suggest perfect.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Great. All right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I. I'm sorry once again for doing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All welling up again.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I. I never meant to hurt you in. Your tear basin is almost full. I just want a good home for everyone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my goodness.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm so.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm so touched. All right, where are we?

[Scott Aukerman]

M. To me. May I say, I think we should do something about this murderous interdimensional traveler. I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, good. And I believe I have an E. Is that correct? Is that how you spell dimeng? Okay. Every good boy loves fudge and deserves it. And yes, of course, every good boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Loves and deserves fudge.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, let's amend that. All right. Do I have this amendment approved?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We need a quorum.

[Scott Aukerman]

The motion is carried.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Carried.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Fantastic. All right. Now we're N. Yes.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah. Never let this happen again. If you ever go back in time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Never let it happen again.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I will remember that. Thank you so much.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Thank you for remembering.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I believe we're at S. S.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm a snake reminding you that the time is now to prevent yourselves from being stabbed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Very good. Very good. All right, I. I just want to say I'm sorry, guys. I know that Fourville, you're apologizing. And I feel like I need to apologize because. Means a lot because I never realized, you know, I think sometimes we get mad at things that remind us of ourselves and our own humanity, and I think that's. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I say this seems like rather a lot to remember.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, I'll just. I'll amend it to I'm sorry.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is the amendment taken?

[Scott Aukerman]

I ratify it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

We already have a couple I'm sorrys.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Easy to remember.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Maybe we should change to. It's been.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, okay. It's been great. Is that amendment is ratified.

[Scott Aukerman]

So noted.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Bobby Moynihan]

What letter are we on now?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, boy. I'm sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think we already have.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, boy. It's been. We could always use a couple. It's been. I'm fine with that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

N is next, I believe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. N. The letter N. Very good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. Is it interdimensional or interdimensional? I can't remember.

[Scott Aukerman]

Interdimensional. Interdimensional. Thrival grab.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. So sorry. All right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

We got so far to go.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right. A is of course, A. Fonzie came back a second time.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not about you soon.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

L l 4. Let's just. Let's just kill this before he does anything.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He is sitting in the corner. We could just.

[Bobby Moynihan]

He can't. He.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We need a code word, though, to do that.

[Bobby Moynihan]

N. You got it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right. So we're at the end of interdimensional. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kidding.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, that's what he's here for. He's a time Bobby. He's here to point out things. Inconsistencies in the timeline.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's all paradoxical, but in the end, we all had fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

If finally it is the time to grab this interdimensional scoundrel and wring his neck unto death.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right. ARR. Really, we should grab this scoundrel and we should do it now.

[Bobby Moynihan]

All right. Oh, that's right. I'm sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The brand name Fryball.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I was thinking fries. Like, there was multiple. God, they got. There's not much.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's a ton in there. There's. I mean, there. I had a small fries, but there's a ton of fries in there. I mean, it's a.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You lied to me. We'll get back to that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I had a small fry, meaning that the bag that the fries were carried within was a small.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's not. Lie to me.

[Bobby Moynihan]

We're on the same team now, so I'm okay with that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Even if I did lie to You. I'm gonna admit I did lie to you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I was always honest with you. I never lied to you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I did lie to you, but you can't do anything about it because you're lied to yourself. Scott, I did lie to myself. And I've been doing that for so many years.

[Bobby Moynihan]

To live life that way, the easiest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lie to tell is a lie to oneself.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Ah, so true. So true. Where were we? Why?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Why? Yo, yo, yo. What's up, son? Maybe dad.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Definitely that cashier.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

V. Victory shall be ours. Once this interdimensional person has been dealt with and we can carry on with our lives the way God intended.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A of course, is for a. Fonzie came back one last time.

[Bobby Moynihan]

He's God. He's gonna save the world someday.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He will.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You Ursula the sea witch from the Little Mermaid.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And other reference, not to be confused with the Enchantment under the Sea dance.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, two different things.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Two totally different things.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm gonna say, Ursula, if we had an octopus lady to kill this man, we would be in a lot better.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We would definitely be V victorious. However, we're just three men.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Just three men and a baby.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure. We should talk about the baby who came in at some point.

[Scott Aukerman]

Turns out it was just a cardboard cutout. Everyone.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Of William Shatner baby, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

L L to me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

La la la la la la.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's grab that interdimensional scoundrel.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I wondered when this would turn into music.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. It took its time.

[Bobby Moynihan]

It really did just then just end it.

[Scott Aukerman]

We probably should have started with a song. Those are very easy to remember.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Those are. Oh, yeah. Why did we think the mnemonic device nice part was?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you can't argue with success.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You should have started with, like a Jesus Christ Superstar song.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, probably. Well, I guess we're at the end, right? We're at T. Yes. All right.

[Bobby Moynihan]

T. T. Of course, we still have Graham after that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, no, we do. Okay. So sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Indeed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, so make a little vauval.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was a close one. We would have forgotten this demonic device.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I never would have gotten it right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

T stands for tendencies. We all have them. And ours is to grab this interdimensional Freyvault.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Gee, gosh, we've been doing this for a while. We gotta get an easier way.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course. Of course. Great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, now I'm afraid people are going to think there's a D in there. So.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because of the ding.

[Scott Aukerman]

Indeed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And then mine is of course, A for A. Fonzie came back. We thought he was done, but he's actually has. One last time. Yes. Forgot Grab was in here. And he decided to come back and save the world one last time. Which leaves us now with B. Yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Which I think should stand for brotherhood. Because now we are bonded together as three against one.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I feel like we should do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well said.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

For I love. I love that sentiment. I feel like we should do some sort of blood brotherhood between us.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, so why don't I open up the Fry vault and get. Get one of the knives out.

[Bobby Moynihan]

A bunch of knives in my ear.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why don't. Let me just open it up here. And it worked. To kill these dumb motherfuckers.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Give me that time. I was a spy the whole time.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'mma stab the shit out of you. You came in here. No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your majesty.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Vampires.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Sons of bitches.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're in cahoots.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'mma kill you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You guys don't understand. You ain't Sondheim. I'm no sondheimer any day. You ain't no Sondheim man. You never be one. You never shall be one. Here come the corgis.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what you get.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If I die, what becomes of you?

[Bobby Moynihan]

Scott? Only you can correct this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I have to go back in time now. Let me get my interdimensional time watch. Okay. I'm back. I went back through time. Wait.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Where did Fryvolt go? He disappeared.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I killed every other version of myself. Scott.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Squad did it. Scott. You did it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Everyone but you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But it worked. I came here to help you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Vorville. No one's buying your story.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You never could have done this without me.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a terrible monster, and everyone knows it.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Andrew. Webbie, you're killing me over here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Andrew Lloyd Webber. He got rid or he got loose of the handcuffs, if you would, through the honor.

[Bobby Moynihan]

They're very tiny plastic handcuffs. They were super easy to get out of.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If you would do the honors of webbing him up for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been a while, but I'll give it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How long has it been?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been since I was a child. But I'm sure the old skills will come back to me. Here we go.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Please. Web him up, if you would.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, no. Well, you know what? I deserve this. And I don't care. Okay. That's enough web, man. I'm all tired.

[Scott Aukerman]

I can leave you room to breathe.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course. Stab through the webs. Lord Webber.

[Scott Aukerman]

I left his face. Uncut it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. I'll just cut up his face.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a bit grizzly. But he can stab through the face.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I did want an open coffin for his mother. My mother.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, no. She did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that's right. Never mind. So it doesn't matter. Okay, I'll just. I'll just. You could stab you in the face.

[Bobby Moynihan]

You want. Look, guys. Information. I just want to say I know that our friendship has been a torrid affair, and I know that there's some ups and downs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mostly downs.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Mostly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A lot of downs. Much like downtown Abbott.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Oh, he hates that. Yeah, I think you do that on purpose sometimes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think so. I don't think so. I don't even know what you're talking about.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, I just want to say I know that I've been a bad, bad boy for so long.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But I did it for you, Scott, because I am you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm still gonna stab you. I'm still gonna stab you.

[Bobby Moynihan]

No, I get it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let me grab the icicle that's been in the Fry Vault for a while and I'll just stab you to death.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I hope it is. Look, I understand. I know, I know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Here we go. Here's the icicle. Say, have you made your peace with God?

[Bobby Moynihan]

I have no regrets. I came and I helped and I'm gonna die happy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And this is probably the last episode of the podcast because I'll be stabbing myself to death and I won't exist anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stands for reason. Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, so here we go. Here's that icicle and.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Bobby Moynihan]

It's just water.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's just water.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It melted in my Fry vault.

[Scott Aukerman]

Those are cursed fries. That's why I never eat them. They're not helpful.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I guess I can't stab you with that icicle.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah, you can't.

[Scott Aukerman]

But we can take you all webbed up and cast you into the Los.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Angeles river and drown you to death.

[Bobby Moynihan]

But I would deserve it. I know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, really, if we do that, there's no way he could ever come back.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, no, he would be at the bottom of the sea and your webs don't dissolve after an hour like Spiderman's Spiderman.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think so. I've never tested it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, well, it takes about an hour to get to the river, so we'll probably just. He'll be, you know, in the trunk, all webbed up. And by the time we get to the river. Yes, I say river.

[Scott Aukerman]

I imagine the web will hold just as long as we needed to hold.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Until we get to the river.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, certainly.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Or I could turn the tables right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, you shan't.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I mean, the tables have turned is what I'm trying to say. Well, how?

[Scott Aukerman]

You're all webbed up. It's impossible.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Nobody beats Forville, ever. Because I'm from the streets and I'm smarter than everybody.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't understand what you mean. You're webbed up. You're incapacitating.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Am I webbed up?

[Scott Aukerman]

I say. He doesn't seem to be webbed up.

[Bobby Moynihan]

I can't help it. It's my stabby way.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm turning into scraps.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Until we meet again. Come on, Pony.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm slipping into a comma at the very end. He's lived in a bit of the.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Crying Game in that he did Expert.

[Bobby Moynihan]

Foreign here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I'm John Gabris.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're a couple actors and best friends.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who you may know as the host.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now we're bringing you a comedic look.

[Scott Aukerman]

At health and wellness with our new show, Staying Alive.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We'll have guests like our friend, actor Jerry O' Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Radowitz, Paul Scheer, Ego Wodom, Gillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Staying alive with John Gabris and Adam Pally is out right now. Get them a week early and ad free with Sirius XM Podcast plus on Apple Podcasts. How many discounts does USAA auto insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi vehicle discount, Safe driver discount New vehicle discount Storage discount. How many discounts will you stack up? Tap the banner or visit usaa.com autodiscounts restrictions apply. Did you know 39% of teen drivers admit to texting while driving?

[Scott Aukerman]

Even scarier, those who text are more.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Likely to speed and run red lights.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shockingly, 94% know it's dangerous, but do it anyway.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

As a parent, you can't always be in the car, but you can stay connected to their safety with Greenlight Infinity's driving reports. Monitor their driving habits, see if they're.

[Scott Aukerman]

Using their phone, speeding and more.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

These reports provide real data for meaningful conversations about safety.

[Scott Aukerman]

Plus, with weekly updates, you can track their progress over time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Help keep your teen safe. Sign up for Greenlight [e-mail] podcast.