Bonus Bang: You Got PreDICted (Jemaine Clement, Stephanie Allynne, Mary Holland, Lauren Lapkus, Erin Whitehead)

Summary

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Comedy Bang Bang: Bonus Bang – "You Got PreDICted" (Jemaine Clement, Stephanie Allynne, Mary Holland, Lauren Lapkus, Erin Whitehead)

Date: April 2, 2026
Host: Scott Aukerman
Guests: Jemaine Clement, The Wild Horses (Stephanie Allynne, Mary Holland, Lauren Lapkus, Erin Whitehead, as the Flagon Sisters)

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Episode Overview

This lively Bonus Bang episode brings a classic Comedy Bang Bang to new ears, featuring the return of the “Hollywood Facts” segment and an unforgettable interplay of improv, absurdity, and rapid-fire wit. The focus is on the Flagon Sisters, a team of psychic carnival performers, and a long-form interview with multi-talented comedian-actor-musician Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords). The episode is packed with improv character work, deadpan surrealism, jabs at showbiz tropes, and some “psychic” readings gone hilariously off the rails.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction to the Flagon Sisters (06:35-13:00)

• Who Are They: Four sisters — Juniper, Peony, Hyacinth, and Shrub Flagon — all with different pronunciations of their last name.
• Backstory: They claim to be psychic siblings who work the carnival circuit.
• Family Dynamics: Mama only speaks in “symbols” or Wingdings; Papa has his own pronunciation of Flagon.
• Psychic Act: Each sister brings a different psychic “piece,” and together, they deliver predictions (“like a puzzle you have to fit together” [11:44]).

2. The Psychic Reading (13:01-20:00)

• Scott’s Reading: The sisters perform their act, “reading” Scott’s future in a squabbling, improv-heavy sequence. The readings devolve into farce: Peony determines Scott is a male by “looking at” the “genitals area,” while Shrub cryptically intones, “You want more” [14:28].
• Inter-sister Drama: Hyacinth claims Scott “hates women,” based on his fear of spiders, says, “The spider represents the woman… you don't want women walking over the ceiling and dropping down on you unless they're eating bugs in a corner" [15:49].
• Absurd Height: The conversation spirals into speculation about spider anatomy. Scott is pressed to imagine “a spider with a penis as long as a human leg” [17:51] — a signature CBB bit of forced imagery and escalation.

3. Carnival Life & Sibling Tension (20:00-26:00)

• Soap Opera Turns: The psychic act reveals interpersonal secrets — Hyacinth admits to sleeping with Shrub’s ex-husband Terrence Howard (“Not the dead one. That would have been really wrong. The one before that.” [22:07]).
• Multiple Divorces: All sisters are revealed to be multiply divorced (counts ranging from “ten” to “three and a half” [21:32]).
• Carnival Upbringing: Their mother was a “tightrope wingdings tongue-flicker.” The sisters were “Irish fraternal twins,” all born about ten months apart.

4. Jemaine Clement Interview (32:36-69:11)

a. Film & TV Career

• Flight of the Conchords Memories: Nostalgic reflections on their early days at Comedy Death Ray and ten years of friendship [34:29].
• Current Projects:
  • People Places Things – A “sad dad” comedy: “Are you into sad dad comedies?” [51:10]
  • The Mysterious Secrets of Uncle Bertie’s Botanarium – A surreal audio adventure with New Zealand artists [57:11+].
• On-Screen vs. Off-Screen Relationships: Extended comic riff on when an actor’s on-screen girlfriend is merely “on-screen,” dissecting semantics and narrative duration [41:00–43:54].
• Musical Comedy & Influence: Discussion of music that sounds “kind of” like Flight of the Conchords — notably the band Sparks [65:10].
• Future of Flight of the Conchords: They’re “thinking of writing a musical movie” (“It’s an exciting thought that we've had” [64:01]).

b. Highlights in Banter

• Santa Claus Logistics: Jemaine and the sisters debate Santa’s wardrobe and bodily needs (“I predict it's four to seven [toilet breaks] a day” [37:25]).
• Gender Predictions: Recurring gag — Peony’s main psychic ability is to identify guests as “male.”
• Podcast Title Jousting: Running confusion over titles and offer codes, including multiple plugs for Howl Premium content.
• Cosmic Musings: Theorizing on the expanding/contracting universe and Scott’s assertion, “At some point, we're nothing.” [72:23]

5. Hollywood Facts Segment (60:25 onwards)

• E.T. Gender Reveal: The sisters reveal that “Debra Winger is the voice of E.T.,” leading to speculation that E.T. could be female — a classic CBB non sequitur [60:25].
• Hollywood Facts Theme Song: “Take out your dick, check out the facts…” [61:04] and banter on its creation.

6. Miscellaneous High Points & Plug Bag (73:51-78:34)

• Swag from the Sisters: Both Scott and Jemaine receive “You Got PreDICted” T-shirts; Jemaine’s is a “baby tee.”
• Grammys Ownership: Jemaine describes his Grammy award (“You get it in a foam box… almost like the foam box more” [75:41]).
• Endless Offer Codes: Discussion of how podcast offer codes determine their “credit” for free trials on Howl and humorous competition between code options [80:04].
• Meta-Predictions: Jemaine departs for New Zealand, with the sisters confidently predicting his itinerary (“Three months ten days” [82:42]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On their act:
  • “We can’t make any predictions without each other. I see one part of the future and Shrub sees a totally different part.” — Peony Flagon [11:29]
  • “Someone stands up who's desperate and sad and then needs a touch.” — Juniper Flagon [11:55]
• On Santa:
  • “He goes to the bathroom in every house.” — Shrub Flagon [37:38]
  • “I can predict it's four to seven a day.” — Juniper Flagon [37:25]
• On gender psychic abilities:
  • “You are a male.” — Peony Flagon, repeatedly [13:49, 71:14]
• On Hollywood Facts:
  • “Take out your dick, check out the facts…” — Hollywood Facts Theme Song [61:04]
• On Jemaine’s Grammy:
  • “You get it in a foam box. You get a box with foam and it’s cut in the shape of the Grammy, so you almost like the foam box more.” — Jemaine Clement [75:41]
• On the universe:
  • “I believe it expands for a while and then it contracts…” — Scott Aukerman [72:21]
• On future of Conchords:
  • “We’re thinking of writing a movie. A musical movie … Possibly never, but hopefully 2000 and one of those years.” — Jemaine Clement [63:28, 64:48]
• On psychic carnival life:
  • “We all had calls on our faces — a membrane of skin over your face — and then that was it.” — Peony Flagon [26:34]
• Meta moment:
  • “Each reading is different. We didn’t make fun of you; we just told you about yourself. If you’re insecure about it, that’s your problem.” — Juniper Flagon [73:05]
• Episode close:
  • “Yes. The end.” — Juniper Flagon [83:01]

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Memorable Timestamps

• 06:35 – Flagon Sisters introductions and name confusion
• 13:01 – Scott volunteers for a psychic reading
• 20:00 – Flagon Sisters’ personal drama (ex-husband reveals)
• 32:36 – Jemaine Clement joins; Flight of the Conchords nostalgia
• 37:25 – Santa’s bodily functions and psychic predictions
• 51:10 – “Sad dad” comedy genre discussion
• 57:11 – Jemaine describes The Mysterious Secrets of Uncle Bertie’s Botanarium
• 60:25 – Hollywood Facts segment (Debra Winger is E.T.)
• 73:51 – Final “You Got PreDICted” reading for Jemaine
• 75:41 – Jemaine’s story about his Grammy
• 80:04 – Howl offer codes debate
• 82:42 – Flagon Sisters predict Jemaine’s travel duration

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Final Impressions

Tone: Spirited, improvisational, gleefully absurd — classic Comedy Bang Bang energy, with character-driven humor, wordplay, and meta-podcast references.

For Listeners: This is a densely layered episode with relentless jokes, recurring bits (especially gender-prediction), and a blend of surrealism and actual industry insight, especially during Jemaine’s segments. Even without listening, this summary should convey the playful mayhem and inimitable wit of the CBB universe.

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(End of Summary)

Transcript

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And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Juniper Flagon]

Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

Anyways, only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Shrub Flagon]

Liberty.

[Juniper Flagon]

Liberty.

[Shrub Flagon]

Liberty.

[Juniper Flagon]

Hey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey. Everyone. This is Scott Aukerman and welcome to another bonus bang where we are re releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. And we are of course in the middle tail end. I'm not quite sure of a series that we're calling just the Facts, ma', am where we are showcasing episodes featuring the Hollywood Facts segment. Of course, the Hollywood Facts segment was performed by Andy Samberg of Digman, who you know him from SNL and the Lonely Islands. But Digman is his series with Neil Campbell, which just came out on Netflix, both seasons streaming right now. And this episode is called you'd got predicted. It was Originally released on August 24, 2015 as episode 371. First up, we have you know them as wild Horses, the group Stephanie Allen, Mary Holland, Lauren Lapkis and Aaron Whitehead. They are playing a team of psychic sisters known as the Flagon sisters. And then we have Jemaine Clement, of course, half of the comedy duo Flight of the Conchords. Good friend of the show since this episode when I say good friend of the show, he's done it once or twice, but very nice guy who seemed to love it. Anyway, since the episode came out, he's been in Moana and the Lego Batman movie Despicable Me, the Way of Water, what we do in the shadows. Of course. Now if you enjoy this episode and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang as well as other shows like CBB presents and Scott hasn't seen the neighborhood, listen Collegetown. Become a [e-mail] we have all of the past episodes from the CBB archives. Every single live episode we've ever done. Ad free new episodes, even more original shows. The crisis on Infinite Bang Bangs is happening. We're gonna be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. But enjoy this bonus bang. On second thought, don't keep the change. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you so much Cynosure, Cynosure, for that wonderful catchphrase submission. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. Oh, my gosh. We're in the dog days of Augidogie. Whoo.

[Jemaine Clement]

Boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

The heat waves gripping the nation. That's sort of tantamount to a CBB weather report. Heat waves gripping the nation. So I hope that helps you out whenever you're listening to this, but we are in the doggy. Doggy days of Augie Doggy. And. But what a wonderful week it is. By the way, I want to say thank you so much to everyone for downloading the Howl app and visiting it on the desktop browser. The Howl FM people are really enjoying the new content that's up there. And that's the thing. We need more content in the world as well as we, of course, need the content erasers as well as the content creators. For every creator, there should be an eraser. So hopefully that's equaling out. But thankfully we have some great new content over there, so check it out. And we're going to talk to some people, I believe, who have shows up there or maybe coming up there very soon. By the way, my name's Scott Aukerman. Hello. Welcome to the show. And we have some really, really interesting guests here for today. We have Jermaine Clement. I started saying that before I was ready to. Jermaine Clement is here a little bit later. He's going to step in in our next segment from the Flight of the Conchords, or just Flight of the Conc. I really need my information before I start talking. Oh, God. Well, it's the doggy days of Augie. Doggie. That's the bit. I mean, we can attribute it to that, certainly. And speaking of people, Jermaine certainly counts as one. We have. Our first guests are four people and four completely different human beings. Although I believe they all have a common trait amongst them, which is that they are sisters. Are they sisters to each other or are they sisters to other people? We will definitely find that out. And I don't have their last names, but what are your last names, by the way?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Flagon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Flagon. So the Flagon. Flagon.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Flagon.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, but what did you say? You said flagon.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I said floggin.

[Juniper Flagon]

Flagon.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

But you have a speech impediment, so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, so it's flogging.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Flagging.

[Shrub Flagon]

Flagging.

[Scott Aukerman]

Flagging.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Flagging.

[Scott Aukerman]

Flagging.

[Juniper Flagon]

Like flagging.

[Shrub Flagon]

Like flagging.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

We're flagging them down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it flagging them down? So it's not like Fagan, but with

[Hyacinth Flagon]

an L. We don't like that musical.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, you don't. Okay, so, I mean, that wouldn't affect anyone's last name. Certainly the disliking a musical or not, like liking a musical would have certainly have no effect on the. Whatever you're born into. I mean, you could have changed.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

No, what you're born into really affects more what you like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, all right, but. So what is the official last name that I'm supposed to call you?

[Peony Flagon]

Flagon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Flagon. The Flagon Sisters.

[Juniper Flagon]

Flagging.

[Scott Aukerman]

Flagon.

[Shrub Flagon]

Flagen. Jesus Christ.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, we'll find this out. Anyway, they're sisters. Please welcome to the. Please welcome to the show. Can you guys do that to each other?

[Juniper Flagon]

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, good.

[Peony Flagon]

Welcome to the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go ahead and introduce yourself individually, starting over here. Who are you, ma'?

[Jemaine Clement]

Am?

[Juniper Flagon]

I'm Juniper Flagon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Juniper Flagon. All right.

[Peony Flagon]

And ma', am, I'm Peony Floggin.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

And I'm Hyacinth Flagon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hyacinth Flagon. And who are you? Matt Shrub.

[Shrub Flagon]

Flagon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shrub Flagon. Okay, so now are you related to each other? Because some of you are flagging. Some of you are Flagging.

[Juniper Flagon]

Yes, we are related. Blood relatives.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Same mother, same papa, different pronunciation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, all right. Does your mother pronounce it one way and the father pronounced it another way? I knew I had neighbors like that where the wife pronounced their last name one way.

[Shrub Flagon]

And, well, Papa says flagon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

And Mama only speaks in symbols.

[Scott Aukerman]

Symbols meaning like emojis, wingdings, wingdings, triangles,

[Hyacinth Flagon]

you know, hand motion.

[Juniper Flagon]

Wingdings, the original emoji.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does she have some sort of impediment? Is she akin to a Helen Keller or.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh, no, it's a gift.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a gift.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

She's transcended language, wouldn't you say?

[Juniper Flagon]

I would, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did an accident help her transcend?

[Peony Flagon]

Oh, yeah, she got it

[Scott Aukerman]

very hard.

[Shrub Flagon]

There are no accidents.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you believe in predestinations? This is true.

[Juniper Flagon]

And I knew it was gonna happen.

[Shrub Flagon]

She knew it was coming. She didn't avoid it.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I was in the womb.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your first premen. Hold on. You all knew. Wait, what?

[Juniper Flagon]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your first.

[Shrub Flagon]

Because that was that.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You all knew.

[Juniper Flagon]

You all knew the accident was gonna happen. It wasn't an accident that the moment was gonna happen.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

The moment was gonna happen.

[Scott Aukerman]

You all knew this?

[Peony Flagon]

Everybody saw it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I guess I didn't get this on my notes. Are you trying to say that you have some precognitive abilities? Oh, yes, yes.

[Peony Flagon]

Oh, yeah. We all have different psychics, the four of us.

[Juniper Flagon]

Psychic abilities.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

We travel together in a carnival.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do? Which carnival is this? Is this one of the more established

[Juniper Flagon]

ones, like Apple Bottom Jeans with the stripes?

[Peony Flagon]

It's the Apple Bottom Jeans with the Stripes carnival.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

The teens have stripes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great.

[Peony Flagon]

And the boots with the fur.

[Scott Aukerman]

The boots. That's part of this?

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, it's that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Part of the title.

[Peony Flagon]

Big Apple Bottom Jeans and the Boots with the Fur.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, that's the subtitle. So the big is a subtitle or a pre title maybe?

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then Apple Bottom Jeans.

[Peony Flagon]

Yep.

[Juniper Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Peony Flagon]

And Boots with the Fur.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're just in town for a little bit? Is that how I was able to land you through?

[Juniper Flagon]

But we knew you'd want us here.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I guess you do have psychic abilities.

[Peony Flagon]

We're turning around California. We're kind of hitting up all the. All the big spots up on the coast. You know, Tustin, Tustin, Fresno, Davis.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fresno's not on the coast. I hope you know that. I hope you don't go to Fresno expecting a beach there.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, maybe there isn't a beach yet, but there could be one soon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you saying that the big one is going to strike and half of California is going to fall into the ocean?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I don't want to scare anybody, but something might happen that puts Fresno on the coast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. What's going to happen here in Los Angeles?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh, gosh, I don't. I really don't. You know, we're not.

[Peony Flagon]

You know, don't put us on the spot like this.

[Juniper Flagon]

I can say.

[Peony Flagon]

Really?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh. Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have the same responsibilities that the others do.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Juniper doesn't mind.

[Juniper Flagon]

I don't have a lawyer, so everything I do is kind of on my own.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Well, what's going to happen?

[Juniper Flagon]

Everything's going to collapse. Death upon all, that kind of thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Well, you know, I feel. I feel pretty good being here with you because wherever you are, you'll probably be safe. Because you know what's going to happen, right?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Exactly.

[Peony Flagon]

I mean, it doesn't mean we can stop it. We can just be like, hey, this is going to happen, and I'm not

[Scott Aukerman]

going to be in town while it happens.

[Shrub Flagon]

Well, I mean, you got to be able to afford a plane ticket or a train ticket or a boat ticket or a car.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can walk.

[Peony Flagon]

If you can rent a car.

[Juniper Flagon]

You start walking now, you'll be far away by the time this happens.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, okay.

[Peony Flagon]

That's all we're gonna say about that.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the time you get to Fresno, though, something will have happened. Well, it'll make it a beach town.

[Shrub Flagon]

Yes.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

But it'll be enjoyable by the time we get there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so people will have acclimated to it a little bit. They'll have set up on the beach.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yeah. They'll have acclimated or sunk.

[Scott Aukerman]

Someone will have a sudden, incredibly valuable

[Hyacinth Flagon]

property on the beach or a sudden, incredible death. And neither one will make beachfront property

[Juniper Flagon]

for the rest of us. Things will open up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. Okay, well, so maybe to be safe, people should follow this carnival around because.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh, a promotion.

[Peony Flagon]

That would be great if you guys could follow us.

[Juniper Flagon]

And the show's different every night because we talk to different people in the audience and we predict their future. So you'll hear different stuff.

[Shrub Flagon]

Yeah.

[Peony Flagon]

The thing about us, too, is that we can't make any predictions without each other. Okay.

[Juniper Flagon]

Oh, no, that's right.

[Peony Flagon]

So we can't, you know. Cause I see one part of the future, and, you know, Shrub sees a totally different part. I can't see.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like a puzzle. You need to fit it together in order to get it. Oh, interesting.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So describe what you do on stage, and then maybe you could do a little bit of it here. But how exactly does your act work?

[Juniper Flagon]

Well, someone stands up who's desperate and sad and then needs a touch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you take a poll before the show of who is the most desperate

[Juniper Flagon]

or sa Those people who volunteer are desperate?

[Scott Aukerman]

I found that to be true.

[Juniper Flagon]

So we'll then start at the beginning and go down the line with information that we can see, creating a story from beginning to end.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

And we're always correct. It's amazing.

[Juniper Flagon]

It's amazing. We've never had anyone come back and tell us we weren't.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

No.

[Peony Flagon]

Okay, so we have just moved town, so they haven't had the opportunity.

[Scott Aukerman]

How does anyone get any entertainment value out of this? If you just predict what's going to happen and then we don't see what's going to happen, and you move on to another town and then people come back to you.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, we Give them a little taste of what might be going on currently so they get that it's real.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

You know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So. Yeah, I would love one. Yeah. How do we do it? Because.

[Peony Flagon]

All right.

[Juniper Flagon]

Well, Peony stars.

[Scott Aukerman]

Peony, you didn't seem that psyched about it.

[Peony Flagon]

I mean, we'll do it. You know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

You came on the show trying to promote your thing, I would think.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would think you'd be. All right. All right. What do I need to do here?

[Juniper Flagon]

Peony always starts, and then it goes in a similar order.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, I go first. Okay. So what's your name?

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't you know that, or do I? This is part.

[Peony Flagon]

I know. We're doing the show.

[Juniper Flagon]

We need to hear it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. So this is. I'm gonna pretend there's an audience.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, there's a. Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm nervous.

[Peony Flagon]

In a big tent.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, man.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Apple bottom, jeans hanging over your head.

[Scott Aukerman]

Should I push? Picture everyone naked? I'm a little nervous here.

[Juniper Flagon]

Can you have your guide? A bunch of claps.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, well, that'll probably suffice.

[Juniper Flagon]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. My name is Scott. Hello.

[Peony Flagon]

Okay. Hey, Scott. Welcome. Thanks so much for volunteering.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm desperate and I'm sad.

[Juniper Flagon]

We knew it.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, thanks. You're doing a great job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you, by the way. I actually am.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh, even better.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah.

[Peony Flagon]

Let me tell you a little something about yourself, Scott. You are a male.

[Shrub Flagon]

Yep.

[Peony Flagon]

That's. I can just tell genders pretty much.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, I mean, that could be helpful in society these days.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I gotta tell you, she's never been wrong.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's never been wrong. How do you do it? Do you do it just from psychic abilities or do you look at their clothes and their body shape?

[Peony Flagon]

I look. I mostly. I take a peek at, like, where the genitals are and the pants, and then I can engage. Face them.

[Shrub Flagon]

I'm getting something.

[Peony Flagon]

You gotta go to Shrub.

[Shrub Flagon]

You want more?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God, I do.

[Shrub Flagon]

I know.

[Scott Aukerman]

More, More. More of so many things. Is there something that you're seeing that I want more of?

[Shrub Flagon]

I stop there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you stop there. Okay, so we need someone else to step in. Okay. Okay.

[Juniper Flagon]

You're having trouble with a person in your life who you work with or is in your family or someone you're close with.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are you looking at engineer Ryan right now?

[Juniper Flagon]

You're having a problem with someone who's figuring stuff out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, yeah.

[Peony Flagon]

Ryan is a male.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, good. That's a good addition. Thank you.

[Juniper Flagon]

And you need to figure that out quickly before it goes Badly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. All right. So I have a problem with Ryan.

[Juniper Flagon]

Okay, you said that. But I. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. And that's all you're gonna give me?

[Juniper Flagon]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Do we go to Hyacinth? Hyacinth over here.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi, Hyacinth. I bet you get that all the time.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I've never gotten that.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

No.

[Juniper Flagon]

We've never met anyone who's a comedian.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Never?

[Peony Flagon]

Never.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Sad, desperate people. Not like comedians at all.

[Peony Flagon]

They can't tell a joke for money. That's right.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

All right. Oh. Oh. I felt a vibe is coming over me. A vibe is coming over me. And you don't like spiders in your home?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. No, I mean, yeah.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Unless they're in a corner and they might catch a bug. But if a spider walks across the ceiling and seems like it might land on you, you don't like that. Am I right, Scott?

[Juniper Flagon]

Is that accurate?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yikes. Most of that is accurate. I do not like spiders in my home.

[Shrub Flagon]

The spider represents the woman.

[Juniper Flagon]

Oh.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

You don't want women walking over the ceiling and dropping down on you unless

[Scott Aukerman]

they're eating bugs in a corner.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Hate women. Hate women.

[Juniper Flagon]

You hate women.

[Scott Aukerman]

We found out.

[Juniper Flagon]

You don't like them. You don't respect them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Juniper Flagon]

I can't even.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

You prefer them.

[Juniper Flagon]

You corners. You want more men.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. Guys, guys, guys. I think you're getting the wrong idea about things here. I perfectly respect women.

[Juniper Flagon]

You want to hug a man?

[Peony Flagon]

The legs on a spider represent the many men you want in your life. You are male and you want male. Eight men.

[Monday.com Advertiser]

Eight men with a hundred babies.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

So 800 men hugging you?

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, the eight men have 100 babies between them?

[Peony Flagon]

Thank you so much.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

The eight biter babies.

[Juniper Flagon]

There are 100 babies. They're all male. And you want them all.

[Scott Aukerman]

All of them. I feel like you guys are giving the wrong idea to my audience about exactly what my point of view is. It's not the wrong idea, just incorrect.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

This is 2015, and if you can't admit that you don't love male spiders hugging you, then there's something really wrong.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, but the spiders represent men in general.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Or spiders represent women, but their legs represent the men that you want.

[Peony Flagon]

I think you're desperate.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think spiders have dicks.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

The legs.

[Peony Flagon]

Oh, yeah.

[Juniper Flagon]

Oh, you don't?

[Peony Flagon]

Oh, you don't.

[Juniper Flagon]

Have you inspected one?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, all right. Maybe I've looked at a pervert. One or two spiders trying to see if a spider has a dick, but so what?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

They have a trapdoor spider.

[Juniper Flagon]

You flip them over and See if they've got a dick hanging down.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, flip them over.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

You would never see that.

[Shrub Flagon]

Picture a spider. Do you picture a dick on it?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I can picture that little protuberance where webs come out.

[Juniper Flagon]

Of course you can.

[Shrub Flagon]

Webs and dicks.

[Juniper Flagon]

You can picture that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're the ones who told me to picture a spider.

[Juniper Flagon]

Can you hear it? Can you picture this? Can you picture a spider with a long penis as long as a leg? You think it's a leg, but it's

[Scott Aukerman]

as long as one of its leg or a human leg.

[Juniper Flagon]

Whatever you can picture.

[Peony Flagon]

Tell me, what do you picture?

[Scott Aukerman]

I can picture a spider with a long penis as long as a human's leg.

[Juniper Flagon]

You can what?

[Scott Aukerman]

See, Ray, this is a trap.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

We were absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a trap.

[Peony Flagon]

Really disgusting.

[Shrub Flagon]

And so quickly.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the act. This is what you guys do.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, it's different every time

[Juniper Flagon]

I say. Because you're not in the audience. Get a lot of applause.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait. People would be applauding right now as you shame me.

[Juniper Flagon]

They'd be going banana.

[Scott Aukerman]

What would I. I feel like at this point, I would strongly disagree with you and maybe step off stage.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Or we'd be giving you a free T shirt and a free camel corn packet, and you'd be fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's a free T shirt Invol.

[Juniper Flagon]

Of course, a packet of camera.

[Peony Flagon]

The T shirt. Yeah, the T shirt. It says, you got. You got predicted, and it has the flaw.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

You got predicted, but yours would say, you got predicted.

[Shrub Flagon]

To clarify, there's no stage.

[Juniper Flagon]

So you would have.

[Scott Aukerman]

You would have made this T shirt in advance based on your psychic ability.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

We knew what you were gonna say.

[Juniper Flagon]

And the back of the shirt is the back of our heads, as if we're standing behind you and someone sees it from behind us.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this is a very complicated T shirt. Why would I ever wear this?

[Juniper Flagon]

Because you're proud.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

It's American apparel. It's comfy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's so cool.

[Juniper Flagon]

And you're proud that you got picked out of an audience, you desperate, sad person.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I feel like this was an insult party more than. Is that what people enjoy from you? No, I mean, I was, like, going to see Don Rickles here.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, we should read one of ourselves. We see sometimes do that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that sounds. Yeah, we do that. Who's the most sad and desperate out of you?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Sad and desperate today?

[Juniper Flagon]

I think Shrub is.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, Shrub, probably.

[Shrub Flagon]

All right,

[Hyacinth Flagon]

all right. Take it, peony.

[Peony Flagon]

All righty. All righty. All righty. R. Shrub, you are a female.

[Shrub Flagon]

Yes.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Already every Time.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it's.

[Juniper Flagon]

Yeah, I'm next. You're having an issue with someone from your work, close to you or in your family. That's exactly what you said about interesting.

[Peony Flagon]

Whoa.

[Juniper Flagon]

Similar problems, sir. Someone in your family or someone you work with?

[Peony Flagon]

Someone in your family? Yes.

[Shrub Flagon]

Yes.

[Juniper Flagon]

And you need to figure that out or it will go badly.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh, Is it somebody here?

[Peony Flagon]

Family. Is it someone. Is it someone in your family? Someone in this room?

[Shrub Flagon]

Yeah.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh, I know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I'm not a member of your family. Engineer Ryan is not a member of your family.

[Peony Flagon]

Ryan is a male. Thank you.

[Shrub Flagon]

I don't know if we necessarily need to get into this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who goes next? Is it?

[Juniper Flagon]

Who is it?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I'm sensing something. Uh.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I'm sensing that somebody in this room slept with your ex husband on a sad, drunken night, meaning nothing of it. Was that not the person? Never mind. I'm sensing. Never mind. I'm sensing something else.

[Juniper Flagon]

Hyacinth.

[Peony Flagon]

Hyacinth.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

What?

[Juniper Flagon]

What?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

What?

[Juniper Flagon]

What the fuck are you.

[Shrub Flagon]

Which you must have. Sluts did that.

[Peony Flagon]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whores. Whore bags.

[Juniper Flagon]

Wait a goddamn second.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I knew that would be her reaction.

[Juniper Flagon]

I knew I would never sleep with your husband.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I did.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, Hyacinth, you're the one who slept with her husband. I didn't know. I didn't ask your marital status before the show. I guess that's her husband.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

We're all divorced.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're all divorced?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Multiple times.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. How many a piece?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, three for me.

[Peony Flagon]

Ten.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ten?

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

One, one and shrub.

[Shrub Flagon]

Three and a half.

[Scott Aukerman]

Three. You're in the midst of one or.

[Shrub Flagon]

I was in the midst when he died.

[Juniper Flagon]

It'll never be completed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I'm so sorry. That's. It's a shame that you didn't get your divorce completed before he died. That's a real bonus.

[Juniper Flagon]

Did you get his money?

[Shrub Flagon]

I got his life insurance, which kind of worked out more than what I would have gotten out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sort of softened the blow.

[Shrub Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I'm so sorry.

[Shrub Flagon]

They're getting divorced, so it wasn't that sad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So wait, but you slept with. Which one did you sleep with? Of Shrubs.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Not the dead one. That would have been really wrong. The one before that.

[Peony Flagon]

Terrance.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Terrence.

[Scott Aukerman]

Terrence.

[Shrub Flagon]

Terrence.

[Scott Aukerman]

Terrence. What's his name?

[Juniper Flagon]

Terrence Howard.

[Shrub Flagon]

Howard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Terrence Howard from Empire?

[Peony Flagon]

It was before he got that. It was before he got. Yeah, they never.

[Juniper Flagon]

He never would have been with him after he got so big.

[Peony Flagon]

He never.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, was he in Hustle and Flow already?

[Peony Flagon]

That was way before Hustle.

[Scott Aukerman]

Before Iron man won.

[Peony Flagon]

He didn't even know who he was.

[Juniper Flagon]

He was even an actor.

[Peony Flagon]

He wasn't even an actor.

[Shrub Flagon]

No.

[Juniper Flagon]

And he fell right into that. So luckily.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

That's right. You two were married before all that happened when you were, what, 14.

[Scott Aukerman]

You, Terrence Howard, married someone when you were 14. Oh, my gosh. This is amazing.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Terrence Howard.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's true. That's true.

[Shrub Flagon]

And then when you meet your soulmate.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yeah.

[Shrub Flagon]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, but he's your soulmate, but you divorced him.

[Shrub Flagon]

Soulmate's end. It's like you don't get how stars work.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I'm sorry. We were both feeling sad, and I was only 15.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, how old are. Wait, so you were. You were 15 as well? Are you guys twins or are you.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh, she was 14.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I see. So you're a year older.

[Juniper Flagon]

We're all Irish twins.

[Peony Flagon]

We're all Irish fraternal twins.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Ten months. Ten months. Ten months. 10 months.

[Peony Flagon]

10 months. 10 months.

[Scott Aukerman]

I see. So you're.

[Jemaine Clement]

You.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were 14. You were 15, or you guys older or younger over here?

[Shrub Flagon]

Yes.

[Juniper Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Younger. What?

[Peony Flagon]

I'm older. I'm the oldest. I'm Annie. I'm the oldest. I was 16 when this all went down.

[Juniper Flagon]

I'm the baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

You must have been 13. Of course. So you're 14.

[Shrub Flagon]

You'd think I'd be the youngest since I got Shrub, but they ended up another name on the fourth, just a little better.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're married to terrence Howard. You're 14 years old. Meanwhile, you're 15. Are you guys in high school?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, we were traveling at the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're part of the carnival still?

[Juniper Flagon]

We were taught by our mother.

[Shrub Flagon]

We're in the carnival circus.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did she do?

[Juniper Flagon]

Well, she clicked her tongue at us and tightroped.

[Shrub Flagon]

Yep.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

She flicked her tongue and tightrope.

[Juniper Flagon]

Clicked her tongue.

[Shrub Flagon]

Clicked her tongue.

[Peony Flagon]

And she flicked it a few times at us.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

But if she was me.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She mostly taught. You know, she was up on wing. She was up doing wing dings on a type rope and.

[Juniper Flagon]

Type rope? Well, she got up on that type

[Scott Aukerman]

rope and do wing dings and flicked your tongue.

[Juniper Flagon]

Flick her tongue.

[Peony Flagon]

Licked her tongue like a snake.

[Scott Aukerman]

That gives me a complete picture of what. Of what she did.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yeah.

[Juniper Flagon]

Crowd went bonkers.

[Scott Aukerman]

So is Terrence following the carnival around?

[Juniper Flagon]

Probably on Twitter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, how long ago was this? Twitter's been around for now. Are you guys.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, we knew Twitter was coming, so in a sense, the fact that he was following us physically, we thought, well, if this.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is kind of like Twitter.

[Juniper Flagon]

We got all the best.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is kind of like that invention that's gonna come out soon.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yeah, exactly.

[Juniper Flagon]

We got all the best accounts on Twitter because we knew it was coming. So the second.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why, what's your account?

[Juniper Flagon]

Twitter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Your Twitter. Wait, is one of you Barack Obama?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

That's me.

[Scott Aukerman]

So one of you is potus, one of you is Twitter. What are your other.

[Juniper Flagon]

I'm Rumor Willis.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I don't know whether you really struck gold with that one. And what. Are you sure? Ashton. Oh, okay. A plus K. Is that why he had to be A plus K? Okay.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

He didn't.

[Shrub Flagon]

Couldn't get his name.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Interesting. Okay, so.

[Peony Flagon]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is incredible.

[Peony Flagon]

I can't believe I didn't know about this. I can't believe this happened.

[Juniper Flagon]

We don't know.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Did I create a blind spot? Have my psychic abilities enabled me to create a blind spot?

[Juniper Flagon]

Do you have an invisibility cloak?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

An invisibility cloak?

[Scott Aukerman]

A theory. Ready for this? So readily available.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, I mean, it was just a blind guess. Perhaps somebody went into a shop in one of the towns we were in and investigated in some dark magics.

[Juniper Flagon]

You.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, I said somebody did.

[Peony Flagon]

Four sisters.

[Juniper Flagon]

Never shall they go dark.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hold on, hold on. Witch. Witch. Is that your. That's your.

[Shrub Flagon]

She's so cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lone Edition. Okay, what I have to ask is, are psychic abilities. Are they magic? Is that what you're trying to. I thought they were just some sort of genetic thing of.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I think they're mostly genetic, but I have been expecting. Exploring the world of magic.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this is like. Like extrasensory perception. Genetically mixed with magic. That's. What. A combination?

[Juniper Flagon]

Yes. We can predict everything.

[Peony Flagon]

We were all born with calls on our faces. Do you know what that is?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, definitely.

[Peony Flagon]

A membrane of skin over your face. And when you're born with it, you consider to have, like, psychic abilities. We all had calls on our faces and then basically, you know, that was it. And then.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

But I gotta drain him.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the way, you're sitting back in your easy chair right now. You put your feet up. I really appreciate that you're getting.

[Peony Flagon]

Anyway, and then that's how it all started.

[Scott Aukerman]

But, you know, relax for a bit. It's okay. You know, this could be a stressful. Yeah, okay.

[Peony Flagon]

So anyway. But magic. We always swore to each other we never do magic.

[Scott Aukerman]

You would never add magic to the equation.

[Peony Flagon]

Poor sisters.

[Juniper Flagon]

Never shall they go dark.

[Shrub Flagon]

But why are we so against witches together?

[Juniper Flagon]

Witches. Why are we snitches?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, they belong in ditches.

[Peony Flagon]

Witches are bitches.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, they also could be, you know, Hitches.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like Hitch? Like Will Smith?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yeah, like Will Smith. I'm like Will Smith.

[Juniper Flagon]

He had a call on his face in that movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

I didn't see that. I haven't seen the film, so I don't know.

[Juniper Flagon]

Well, at one point, he had a call on. It's in the trailer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Oh, it's in the trailer. It's weird that they would put it in the trailer.

[Juniper Flagon]

It happens in the film.

[Peony Flagon]

Will Smith is a male.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Well, this is incredible.

[Juniper Flagon]

Adam Smith is having a problem with someone in his life, either from work or from home.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sure he is. Okay, so this is. You've added magic to the equation.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've created a temporal blind spot.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were unable to see this. How do you feel about Hyacinth over here having slept with your ex husband, Terrence Howard?

[Shrub Flagon]

I'm disgusted and I want revenge. And I need help from two others.

[Juniper Flagon]

I'm available.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, I'll do it.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I'm available, too.

[Peony Flagon]

No, it's against you.

[Shrub Flagon]

You're allowed to call dibs.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I don't like to be left out. I don't like when we do leave outs.

[Juniper Flagon]

Sleep with one eye open.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh.

[Peony Flagon]

When a sister sleeps with another sister's ex husband, she will become the leave out.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

You know, you keep doing that voice, but they're never gonna hire you at the haunted Mansion at Disneyland.

[Juniper Flagon]

If I keep trying, they will.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

No, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

Try to say there's always my way out.

[Peony Flagon]

This way or the highway.

[Scott Aukerman]

See?

[Juniper Flagon]

Yeah, you got taking too many creative liberties.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. All right, so you're supposed to sleep with one eye. When do you. When is this gonna happen? I mean, you guys, the night shall

[Juniper Flagon]

sleep with one eye open, and when the other one closes, one stays open. No, you don't know what it is. Oh, it's gonna happen to you.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, you don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Peony Flagon]

You don't know.

[Shrub Flagon]

Forget it.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, hopefully you guys can mend this. Do you guys mind sticking around? Our next guest is about to come out. We're gonna take a break.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, I'll take a wrap.

[Juniper Flagon]

I predict our schedules are open.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

That's what I think, too. I saw it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not really a prediction as much as you just looked at your day planning.

[Juniper Flagon]

I predict from this paper.

[Peony Flagon]

You got any. You got any filtered water?

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, you know, I'm gonna need you to take your feet off the table. All right? All right, let's take a break. When we come back, Jermaine Clement will be. Jermaine Clement will Be here. How do you say? Do you guys have a prediction?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

He's a male, right, Clement?

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, he'll be here after. We'll take a break. We'll be right back with more comedy. Bang Bang.

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[Morgan Stewart]

Hey, everyone, it's me, Morgan Stewart, and I have a new podcast called the Morgan Stewart Show. Join me each week as I talk about pop culture, fashion, my personal life and just a. I'm gonna be giving my opinion on everything. I'll also have some really fun guests to join in on the fun. The Morgan Stewart show is out now. Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts or watch full video on YouTube.

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[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Here we have of course, the Flagon or Floggin. Floggin. Flaggin. Flagon Sisters. Here. Juniper, Peony, hyacinth and shrub.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Hi.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're all 10 months apart. And boy, your parents like to. They like to do it, you know what I mean? Whoa. Wow.

[Juniper Flagon]

That's a very disgusting assumption.

[Scott Aukerman]

At least four times.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, our mother really liked it. Our father went along.

[Shrub Flagon]

They wanted us to be a band.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, is that what the plan was? Did you. Do you have any kind of musical ability at all?

[Juniper Flagon]

I got some rhythm, but no.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me hear. Let me hear yours. Can you keep perfect time?

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, I can. Beatbox.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, let's hear it a little bit.

[Peony Flagon]

Beatbox. Beatbox. Beat box. Beatbox.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. When you started out, there was no beatboxing at all.

[Peony Flagon]

What's up?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so anyway, you Guys have parents who like to have sex, but. Oh, yeah, you're psychics. That's right. That's your main thing. And we. We, of course, just heard some astounding revelations about you. You know, Hyacinth, you started magic in addition to your precognitive abilities.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yes. And now my sisters are gonna kill me in my sleep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kill you in your sleep? Tonight. Okay, great. So we have to get to our next guest. He is, of course, we all grew up loving him as a member of Flight of the Conchords. And then we got to know him a little better in some of his film roles. There's, of course. What's the one? Dinner. Wishmukz Dinner. Four Schmucks. Four Schmuck Dinner. Was it the number four?

[Jemaine Clement]

No, I don't know that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dinner.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah. Four Schmucks. I don't know what kind of word that is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very funny in that. And then you were in a recent film that I hear is amazing about vampires called While youe Were Sleeping. Is that what it is? What was it?

[Jemaine Clement]

I guess everything I do has difficult titles, as you'll see.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, when you haven't seen them in.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's called what we do in the Shadows.

[Scott Aukerman]

What we do in the Shadows. I've heard that's an excellent film. Is that correct or incorrect? I have heard that. Thank you. And he has a new film that's actually out now called People, Places Things. Yes, People, Places, Things. And you are one of those three. Is that correct or incorrect?

[Jemaine Clement]

I'm one of the first group.

[Scott Aukerman]

The first group. Okay. You are a human being.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes. You could. You might be able to say I'm one of the last group as well.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Jemaine Clement]

And if someone's on top of me, maybe even the middle peony.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you determine his gender?

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, he's a male.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's really good at this. This is part of her psychic abilities, but on.

[Jemaine Clement]

But I'm not wearing pants, so it's not. Well, it wasn't.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, that's how I knew. I knew it as soon as he walked in, I was like, well, that's

[Juniper Flagon]

a male smiling freebie. Scott's been smiling harder than I've ever seen.

[Peony Flagon]

Best day of his life.

[Juniper Flagon]

Loves a male, loves a spider.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Lake.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jemaine Clement is here. Hello, Jemaine.

[Jemaine Clement]

Hey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Welcome.

[Jemaine Clement]

Thank you. I feel very welcome.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks for being here. Have you been on the podcast before? I was trying to remember that. Yeah.

[Jemaine Clement]

But we have met before.

[Scott Aukerman]

Several times. You used to be. Back during the old comedy Death ray days, you and Brett used to come on and do songs and stuff like that.

[Jemaine Clement]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

It used to thrill the crowd.

[Jemaine Clement]

Is that like you're talking about the vaudeville days?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, it feels like it. To me. That was like thrill a minute. It feels like. It was like. Well, I mean, it was 10 years ago back at the UCB.

[Jemaine Clement]

Back then it was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jemaine Clement]

You know, if you count back then,

[Scott Aukerman]

it was 10 years ago and 10 years from now, in a way, and it was 10 years hence from 20 years ago.

[Juniper Flagon]

I predict that show is no longer.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's just news.

[Jemaine Clement]

That's true.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not a prediction.

[Peony Flagon]

Is it?

[Juniper Flagon]

Is it true?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's something that happened. It's not a prediction.

[Juniper Flagon]

Thank you.

[Peony Flagon]

I am correct. And that is an example of a correct prediction.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I'll give you that one.

[Jemaine Clement]

But you have to predicted. Ilya.

[Juniper Flagon]

Yes. I predicted years ago that that would end, and then she said it to me, and now I know it did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wait a minute. You're pulling a sealed envelope out?

[Juniper Flagon]

Yes. See?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you mind opening it?

[Juniper Flagon]

Yes, I do, but I will if you're so desperate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here we go. And wait, this is. This is just your electricity bill.

[Juniper Flagon]

Please pay it.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I thought this was part of the act. You're just giving me your electricity. Okay, well, it's the doggy days of Augie Doggie. We talked.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Carnival wagon has no lights.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no.

[Juniper Flagon]

Please pay, please pay, please pay.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, Jermaine, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being here.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, thanks. You already said that. And I.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me say it a third time just to make sure that it really sinks in. Welcome to the show.

[Jemaine Clement]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you for being here.

[Jemaine Clement]

I've never felt so welcomed, and I've never been welcomed so many times.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nice environment here, isn't it?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah. Oh, it is. It's hot, though. Humid.

[Scott Aukerman]

I kind of meant in the studio with me welcoming you so many times. But we can move on to the weather if you like.

[Jemaine Clement]

Okay. No, that's okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whatever. Currently, in your home country, is it not winter?

[Jemaine Clement]

That's correct.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jemaine Clement]

You're right on top of the weather news.

[Scott Aukerman]

I said, well, you know, I try to be.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's winter. And guess what? When you guys have winter, we're having summer.

[Scott Aukerman]

I did not know that. I knew the former. I did not know the latter.

[Jemaine Clement]

So Christmas, it's all. I'll be wearing shorts. I'll put some shorts on.

[Peony Flagon]

So you can do Christmas two times a year?

[Shrub Flagon]

We don't.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, but I'll bring back. I'll take the idea back.

[Juniper Flagon]

I take the Idea back that Santa will wear shorts when he visits your area.

[Scott Aukerman]

Will he change into them or. Okay, because he.

[Juniper Flagon]

The elves will pull down his pants,

[Peony Flagon]

get his legs in the shorts.

[Jemaine Clement]

I think in the mid-90s, he got some of those pants that have a zip and you can zip off the ends.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, maybe those.

[Shrub Flagon]

Yeah, those are gorgeous.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

But they still have the zip up back. So Santa can poop without taking his pants off.

[Jemaine Clement]

He has a lot of zip up.

[Juniper Flagon]

He hates to take his pants off.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wonder. We've had him on this show before here. I wonder how many times Santa. Yeah, I wonder how many times he poops per trip.

[Juniper Flagon]

I can predict it's four to seven a day.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, that's a lot for a human being.

[Juniper Flagon]

He's not human.

[Peony Flagon]

He's nervous.

[Shrub Flagon]

On Christmas Eve, if you think you hear Santa, it's coming from a toilet flush.

[Peony Flagon]

That's right.

[Shrub Flagon]

He goes to the bathroom in every house.

[Scott Aukerman]

Every single house.

[Jemaine Clement]

He has a lot of muffin cookies. So I guess he's gonna need the toilet a lot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you believe in Santo Jermaine Digestion?

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, I'm not sure I want to say this because a lot of people might be disappointed.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have a lot of younger listeners.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, you do. Very good. I thought so. We've had him on the show. We know he's real.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Of course.

[Jemaine Clement]

I didn't realize it was evidence.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's audio evidence.

[Jemaine Clement]

You recorded him?

[Juniper Flagon]

He did his own podcast once.

[Scott Aukerman]

He is not like a vampire. An audio vampire. You actually can hear him on recordings. Oh, yeah.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

But he does stay awake at night. Like a vampire.

[Jemaine Clement]

Long nights.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but he sleeps during the day because mainly he's out there traveling during the night. Well, one night, famously.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Does he sleep the whole year to rest up?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, he's not like a bear.

[Shrub Flagon]

He works one day a year.

[Scott Aukerman]

He works one day a year.

[Shrub Flagon]

But he's a commercial actor.

[Juniper Flagon]

But the elves work tirelessly all year.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's true. Like a commercial act.

[Juniper Flagon]

He's been in Eminem's commercial so he doesn't have to about worry work anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very good.

[Peony Flagon]

Sweet residuals.

[Juniper Flagon]

Wouldn't that be just amazing?

[Scott Aukerman]

Jermaine tells a lot of commercials. He does actually. You see him pop up Coke commercials?

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, he's all over.

[Juniper Flagon]

He loves polar bears.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jermaine, tell us about this new movie. People, places, things.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

It's great.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's people, places, things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I'm so sorry. People, places, things.

[Shrub Flagon]

No commas.

[Peony Flagon]

Nouns.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's no commas in this.

[Jemaine Clement]

Originally, they Were. But it was confusing.

[Scott Aukerman]

It looks a little better without them. That was sort of like when we

[Juniper Flagon]

don't know how to use them appropriately.

[Scott Aukerman]

When we put out Run, Ronnie Run, the people behind the film originally put one comma after Ronnie. So it was Run, Ronnie, run, run. And I said three. Two commas or none.

[Jemaine Clement]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

So Ronnie run, Run, Ronnie Run or Run, Ronnie Run. And I believe we eventually went with zero.

[Jemaine Clement]

Let's just not have any. No one's getting any.

[Scott Aukerman]

No commas this year.

[Jemaine Clement]

I think the same thing went on with this.

[Scott Aukerman]

I felt like a comma scrooge. Do you feel like that sometimes?

[Jemaine Clement]

I think we're just contributing to the dumbing down of the whole world.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you feel your film does that?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Good.

[Jemaine Clement]

The title.

[Scott Aukerman]

The title only.

[Jemaine Clement]

But I need the title.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you feel the film, the rest of it elevates people's intelligence?

[Jemaine Clement]

I think it might bring them back to where they were when they started.

[Scott Aukerman]

So even that's a. Hopefully that's where you want to leave people at the end of a movie.

[Jemaine Clement]

Right where they started.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like I could have not done this and it would have been fine.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great.

[Jemaine Clement]

That's what we hope for.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great, great. What's the film about? I would assume that you're number one on the call sheet. Is that correct?

[Jemaine Clement]

I probably was, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't know?

[Jemaine Clement]

I don't remember. I don't remember going. Yes, every morning.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what I. Well, then maybe you weren't. Because that's my reaction on my show.

[Jemaine Clement]

They probably put me at number four.

[Shrub Flagon]

Can predict that. He was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? I have a friend, Stephanie, who's in that movie. Do you remember?

[Shrub Flagon]

I love her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Shrub Flagon]

She's my favorite actress.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? What do you like about her?

[Jemaine Clement]

She plays my on screen girlfriend.

[Shrub Flagon]

Yes.

[Jemaine Clement]

And mother of children pill in that.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's.

[Jemaine Clement]

You think so? Well, I don't like you speaking about her like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

She plays your on screen girlfriend. Meaning you have an off screen girlfriend

[Shrub Flagon]

in the film either way.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, that's a. I hadn't thought of that.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I mean because she know she's on screen. Is that why you mentioned that she.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, no. It's more that in the film she's a girlfriend that she's. She's not my girlfriend in actual.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sure. So on screen she plays your girlfriend. She doesn't play your on screen girlfriend necessarily.

[Juniper Flagon]

He's in a film in the movie and she's in that film when the

[Shrub Flagon]

movie continues and she's not in a scene. She's no longer on Screen, she's still his girlfriend.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does she drop her relation? No, she doesn't drop her in the

[Shrub Flagon]

world of the movie off screen.

[Jemaine Clement]

But when we're not doing the movie, she was not my girlfriend. She made that very clear.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you have to break up with her when they said cut every time so there wasn't any kind of confusion in the film?

[Jemaine Clement]

She breaks up with my character immediately.

[Scott Aukerman]

Immediately, Immediately.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's like the first thing she does.

[Juniper Flagon]

So really, she's not your on screen girlfriend?

[Jemaine Clement]

Certainly. Right. She's my on screen ex girlfriend.

[Shrub Flagon]

She's your on screen.

[Jemaine Clement]

I hadn't thought about this enough.

[Shrub Flagon]

Nobody's read the script or seen it.

[Jemaine Clement]

She's my on screen girlfriend for about two minutes and for the remaining 84 minutes she's my on screen ex girlfriend

[Scott Aukerman]

or off screen ex girlfriend because does she return?

[Jemaine Clement]

She does.

[Scott Aukerman]

She does. Okay, she does. She's an off screen ex girlfriend for part of the film because she can't be there in every single frame of the movie. But then she's an on screen ex girlfriend for a lot of the film because she returns for scenes.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes, that's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a great way to put it.

[Juniper Flagon]

They'll reshoot it where she's in every

[Jemaine Clement]

single frame as an inset in the corner.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Commenting a little circle.

[Peony Flagon]

Hey, Scott, is this protein powder for everybody?

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are you getting into my refrigerator?

[Juniper Flagon]

Huh?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you can have some. How much do you want? All right, all right.

[Peony Flagon]

I'll take the whole tub.

[Scott Aukerman]

The whole tub? That's for me.

[Juniper Flagon]

It's not for everybody.

[Peony Flagon]

It's not for everybody?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, if you say it's for everybody.

[Peony Flagon]

I was a guest.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, go ahead. Have as much as you want. That's all. That's a giant cup. Can you quiet down while you're eating it, though? Okay. All right. We're trying to talk to Jermaine about this dynamite movie. People. Places. Things.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shrub Flagon]

Things.

[Scott Aukerman]

People. Places. Things.

[Peony Flagon]

People. People's places.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

People are always places. Things in the wrong places.

[Juniper Flagon]

People, comma, places, comma, things, period.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

The things people place.

[Peony Flagon]

Exclamation point.

[Scott Aukerman]

The things people place. So what is this film about? I, I, I understand that you're a heterosexual male in it who has a girlfriend at one point and then does not have it. But other than that, I know nothing about the film.

[Jemaine Clement]

Well, I mean, a father and in the film and in real life. And in real life, but two different children. So I have my, my off screen children or actually child, real life child. And then my on screen children who are Played by real children. But they're not my real children.

[Scott Aukerman]

So they did not CGI these, These children in the film?

[Jemaine Clement]

No, not to my knowledge.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're actually real children.

[Jemaine Clement]

They're real children.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Does that get you if you are not wearing a wedding ring?

[Jemaine Clement]

Pardon me?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I predict you were not wearing a wedding ring.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, I'm not wearing a wedding ring.

[Shrub Flagon]

Oh, I was right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Or is this some sort of. What's your situation? I think that she. She's basically the one who goes around

[Hyacinth Flagon]

sleeping with other people's people, places and things.

[Scott Aukerman]

So maybe she's trying to inquire as to your situation right now.

[Jemaine Clement]

I am married, but I don't wear a wedding ring.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's very dangerous, as Jimmy Fallon has taught us. I don't either.

[Peony Flagon]

Why is it.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, so is that why he has that thing on his finger? What happened?

[Scott Aukerman]

He got his wedding ring caught on the table and it tore off his finger.

[Peony Flagon]

What, during a show?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, before a show. So he had to cancel the show.

[Juniper Flagon]

Something we couldn't have predicted.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, that. Why not?

[Peony Flagon]

That's something no one saw coming.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

When somebody's in a sound studio, it makes the predictions much, much harder.

[Peony Flagon]

Oh yeah. There's no reception.

[Juniper Flagon]

No signal to me.

[Peony Flagon]

Brain. Yeah, his whole finger.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cell phones, practically. They thought he may have to. May have had to amputate it.

[Juniper Flagon]

He could never have had that show anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? Because no one will ever watch a talk show with a four fingered man. No.

[Shrub Flagon]

Is he lactose intolerant?

[Jemaine Clement]

I would. I would watch it.

[Juniper Flagon]

Really?

[Jemaine Clement]

But you know, what about a man

[Scott Aukerman]

with six fingers on one hand?

[Jemaine Clement]

I don't know if I'd notice that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't think because there's so many down there anyway,

[Peony Flagon]

you would love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shut up.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

You killed my father.

[Scott Aukerman]

Prepare to fuck. Shut up. Is it after five you lose track? Is that after five you see a

[Jemaine Clement]

whole lot of fingers and you think, that looks like enough?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Shrub Flagon]

What if it was coming out of the top of it?

[Jemaine Clement]

At the top of the hand? I'd notice that.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

So why not?

[Juniper Flagon]

Would you notice it if it was coming out of the bottom of the hand?

[Jemaine Clement]

To be honest, when he. When I saw. Well, yeah. I mean, unless he covered it. If he held it, which I would do all the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Like a stick shift.

[Juniper Flagon]

Disgusting.

[Scott Aukerman]

It'd be hard to pay for things with that hand if you're trying to cover it all.

[Peony Flagon]

Or it'd be easy to get quarters out of your wallet when they're down in the crease.

[Juniper Flagon]

I predict anyone with more Than five fingers. Listening to this is uncomfortable.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I predict I would be fingered by the sixth finger man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa. Okay, okay.

[Juniper Flagon]

Why not just that sixth finger?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Just the sixth finger.

[Jemaine Clement]

You would be. Or you will.

[Juniper Flagon]

Is it bigger or smaller than the others?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh, it's much tinier. I like a tiny fingering and it's

[Peony Flagon]

nice because you can. You can sit on the hand.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you mind closing your mouth when it's full? With protein powder falling out?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

We just got a snow of powder.

[Juniper Flagon]

You remind me of the dead guy in Hocus Pocus when he gets his

[Peony Flagon]

mouth opened up and all the stuff, the leaf comes. Why has he got leaves in his mouth? That was always my question. Why did he go to bed with four witches? Never shall they go dark.

[Shrub Flagon]

Juniper, you remind me of the black.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

The black cat, the black witch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Guys, guys, we're trying to interview Jemaine here. I'm so sorry about this.

[Jemaine Clement]

I enjoyed that. I didn't understand it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Some callbacks to the previous segment, I think.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, okay. So a previous life.

[Juniper Flagon]

Here's a callback for the future. The end.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, very good. Dark twist.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this fellow that you play, does he have a name or is he like a nameless individual?

[Jemaine Clement]

He has a name.

[Scott Aukerman]

He does.

[Jemaine Clement]

The name is Will.

[Scott Aukerman]

Will.

[Jemaine Clement]

And we've met before as we've established.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jemaine Clement]

And when you met me, did you wonder what I would be like as a father? Did you think I would like to know what it would be like to grow up with that guy?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think so. I think that it's.

[Jemaine Clement]

I thought so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anytime I meet someone I feel like that I go, I wonder if their personal sit were to change a bit. How would they change?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah. Well, then you should watch this movie and you'd see what I'd be like as a father.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can't I just go hang out with you at home?

[Jemaine Clement]

Sure. Yeah. I mean, I can see it there. It's far away. It's far away.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll go. No problem. Okay.

[Jemaine Clement]

I could.

[Scott Aukerman]

When's it good for you?

[Jemaine Clement]

Tomorrow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great. How long is the plane ride?

[Jemaine Clement]

11 hours.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm there. Are you gonna take the same plane with me?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. So we'll just meet there.

[Jemaine Clement]

I mean, if I'm gonna parent you, then you should probably wait.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're parenting me.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, yeah, that's what I mean.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought I would just watch you parent your actual child, but this is exciting.

[Shrub Flagon]

Our off screen child, Your off screen

[Peony Flagon]

say in the business is a pair of twins. Pair of twins?

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, are they. So two twins?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes, two twins.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you have four Children.

[Jemaine Clement]

That's the traditional number.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Peony Flagon]

And they are both.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, no, not two pairs of twins. It is a pair of twins, meaning two.

[Scott Aukerman]

Two sets of two people.

[Jemaine Clement]

Two people from the same pair of twins.

[Scott Aukerman]

A pair of children.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Two sets of twins.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, no, one set of twins.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Don't lose one in the dryer.

[Juniper Flagon]

One set.

[Scott Aukerman]

One set of. One set of two children in Taiko,

[Shrub Flagon]

two fruits, one set of pears.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, very good.

[Shrub Flagon]

In a fruit bowl.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did you do to get twins? Do you feel. Did you do something special?

[Jemaine Clement]

You just put in just one extra thrust right at the end.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, you were right about the end. Huh?

[Jemaine Clement]

Wow.

[Juniper Flagon]

I guess I am. You predicted psychic. Aren't I?

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, you didn't know Scott.

[Juniper Flagon]

I wasn't sure if that is your real name. Well, you tell me which I know it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, thank you. So you're a guy with a kid in this film.

[Jemaine Clement]

This is the longest synopsis I've ever.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I love. We're getting it piece by piece.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Almost in real time.

[Jemaine Clement]

And this character, played by Stephanie Allen, breaks up with me and my character.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it her child? Children.

[Jemaine Clement]

They're twins.

[Scott Aukerman]

On screen.

[Jemaine Clement]

On screen? Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was confused. I thought that was off screen. Okay.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, well, off screen as well.

[Shrub Flagon]

They're not number one on the call sheet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Jemaine Clement]

And two, I don't know.

[Juniper Flagon]

How do they decide who goes above the other? The call.

[Shrub Flagon]

Better actor.

[Scott Aukerman]

So.

[Juniper Flagon]

So Must be annoying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are these. Are these Stephanie's characters? You're on and off. Is this her children? Mary Kay? It is.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes, they are.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then she breaks up. And what happens?

[Jemaine Clement]

She takes them with her for the most part.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Ah.

[Juniper Flagon]

Tell us the end in the middle.

[Peony Flagon]

In that order.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does this film have Act 2 problems at all, or is it.

[Jemaine Clement]

I hope not. It's a lot of. It's quite a difficult interview, but enjoy.

[Scott Aukerman]

What can we do to make it easy?

[Jemaine Clement]

No, no, no.

[Juniper Flagon]

All of us screaming the answers.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, the answers part. I don't know why. Why? I said it just like you did.

[Jemaine Clement]

Answers.

[Scott Aukerman]

The answers. So just your part of this interview, because I feel like we're really holding our end. Yeah.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah.

[Jemaine Clement]

You're flying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jemaine Clement]

Great. Well, it's. My character's dealing a lot with not seeing his children.

[Scott Aukerman]

It could be difficult.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah, they're with the mother. You know, he's got life problems. It's one of those. It's a. Are you into sad dad comedies?

[Peony Flagon]

Heck, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'm into dad sad comedies.

[Jemaine Clement]

Okay. This could be classified. If you stretch it, it could be classified as one of those.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I think I feel like I would be into sad. Well, this sounds. And how many?

[Jemaine Clement]

I don't want to hear that suicide statistics went up because you said that, right? Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope not. How many reels is this?

[Jemaine Clement]

Four.

[Scott Aukerman]

Four? That's a short film. I don't know.

[Jemaine Clement]

Five.

[Scott Aukerman]

Probably about seven. Okay, six or seven. And where can people see it? I guess you go down to any theater and you say, take me inside.

[Jemaine Clement]

Any specific theaters.

[Juniper Flagon]

I think that's what you always say to any man at a theater.

[Jemaine Clement]

I assume you're all right, Judah, you'd be inside. You should be inside.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do have to be inside to see this film. What about if you're at a hotel and they're projecting it onto, like, a big screen while you're in the pool?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Are you at the hotel with a man?

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on.

[Peony Flagon]

At the pool.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm trying to get sincere, serious answers out of Jimmy about this fingered man.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

We're sorry.

[Jemaine Clement]

You can also get it on itunes. Do you know of that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Jemaine Clement]

And video on DeMarcus.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've always felt the title of that is so. Just presumption. Well, it's presumpt. Like demand. Like, I can ask for it. Like, hey, ask for my film.

[Jemaine Clement]

Video.

[Scott Aukerman]

Politely.

[Jemaine Clement]

Request by request. Video by request.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. Isn't that much nicer? I feel bad doing video on demand. I'm an asshole.

[Jemaine Clement]

I think if you use the word request, it gives the video an option not to show it to you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no. So you pay for it and then it goes. You know what? I'm not going to do it.

[Peony Flagon]

You have to demand it. You gotta demand it.

[Jemaine Clement]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

So how much would you say that it's sold for on itunes? If you had to guess?

[Jemaine Clement]

I think at the moment, 14.99.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which is good, because you can. Here's a secret to all those people getting movies on iTunes. Invite, like 20 of your friends over,

[Jemaine Clement]

charge them a buck each.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. You make $5.

[Jemaine Clement]

You're not supposed to do that.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you're not supposed to. Is it illegal?

[Juniper Flagon]

You're supposed to watch each movie alone.

[Jemaine Clement]

Well, remember, you have. Remember VHS tapes? I do very well at the start of them. It would say, not for commercial use. Don't show them in a group.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right? Oh, yeah. Something like that.

[Jemaine Clement]

I'm paraphrasing.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a lot. Like, if you're doing pay per view events, it's a different price if you're showing it in a bar than it is at home. Because if you're showing it in a bar, you're doing it for commercial purposes and so they charge you more.

[Jemaine Clement]

But I'm not gonna tell anyone. If you get to any of your friends over and watch people, places, things, you won't. I won't tell anyone. I encourage it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Even if I called you and told

[Jemaine Clement]

you I did it, I would be glad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Actually, I think I'm gonna do this. Hey, you four, do you guys wanna.

[Juniper Flagon]

I predict we'll come over.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I predict we're already there but you're not.

[Shrub Flagon]

I predict we're laughing and joking.

[Peony Flagon]

What kind of milk is this? Is this whole milk?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's extra fat, actually.

[Peony Flagon]

Gulpie, gulpie, gulpie, gulpie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, God.

[Jemaine Clement]

Strange style. It sounds strange, but it looks even

[Shrub Flagon]

strange I drank anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, we have to take a break. When we come back, we'll have more Jemaine Clemens. We'll have more of the what is your name? Floggin flagen. All right, we'll be right back with more comedy Bang bang.

[Morgan Stewart]

Hey, everyone, it's me, Morgan Stewart, and I have a new podcast called the Morgan Stewart Show. Join me each week as I talk about pop culture, fashion, my personal life and just a warning, I'm going to be giving my opinion on everything. I'll also have some really fun guests to join in on the fun. The Morgan Stewart show is out now. Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts or watch full video on YouTube.

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[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back here. Jermaine. Clementine.

[Jemaine Clement]

That was such a short break, but it would seem longer to the audience.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, well rested.

[Juniper Flagon]

Longer seemed really long because of those advertisements.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I want to buy everything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jermaine, you have a. I do want to talk about this because this is really exciting.

[Jemaine Clement]

I'd love to have my own website.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you it's pretty easy.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Good luck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Call up squarespace.com.

[Shrub Flagon]

we've been wanting a website for years.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you feel about going to the post office?

[Jemaine Clement]

It's boring.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, of course. All right. But speaking of audio entertainment, this is really exciting to me. You have a brand new series, limited series. But everything is a limited series because everything has to end.

[Jemaine Clement]

It has to end.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So that's the way I look at it. But you have something on Howl now, and it's not on Howl, but there's a preview for it. And all I've been hearing for months, ever since we started, this is. This is a fantastic show. This is one of the best shows I've ever heard. You gotta hear this show. And I said, no, no, no, I don't want to.

[Jemaine Clement]

That's a valid reaction.

[Scott Aukerman]

But it is called. And I want to get the title.

[Jemaine Clement]

I'm gonna try the title.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. You wanna do it at the same time? You wanna do a three, two, one, then go.

[Jemaine Clement]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, here we go. Three, two, one.

[Jemaine Clement]

The Mystique.

[Scott Aukerman]

Already?

[Shrub Flagon]

I predicted a disaster.

[Jemaine Clement]

I didn't hear you predict that.

[Shrub Flagon]

It was in my head.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, she also. She predicted a disaster where half of California is going to fall into the ocean after the big one.

[Peony Flagon]

So this podcast is male, is that right?

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess so.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

This podcast has a seaside view now.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's called the Mysterious Secrets of.

[Juniper Flagon]

This podcast is having a problem with someone close in its life or a family member.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, all right. The Mysterious Secrets of Uncle Birdie's Botinarium.

[Shrub Flagon]

Ooh, yes.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's a long title. It's not very good for tweeting.

[Peony Flagon]

Does it have to do with plants? Because we're all named after plants.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah, yeah.

[Juniper Flagon]

You know, juniper.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Juniper, peony, hyacinth.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's a country. It's set in a country where people aren't allowed to fondle plants.

[Peony Flagon]

They aren't.

[Jemaine Clement]

They're not allowed to. They're not allowed pleasure.

[Peony Flagon]

Interesting Bummer town.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you describe this show a little bit? Because that probably gives me everything that I need to know.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's an old fashioned radio show in some ways. It's like set in the 1800s, but in a very strange version of it.

[Shrub Flagon]

Do you know radio voice?

[Jemaine Clement]

I don't. I play a. I play an explorer on a ship.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

And you don't fondle plants?

[Jemaine Clement]

I do, actually. You do, but I try and pass it off as scientific.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this a narrative show where every episode continues a narrative?

[Jemaine Clement]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. How many episodes? Episodes Will there Be eight.

[Jemaine Clement]

Eight.

[Juniper Flagon]

I predict eight.

[Scott Aukerman]

Could be seven spider legs. What if you just gave up after seven? That way you don't have to write an ending.

[Jemaine Clement]

Well, I'm not writing it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, who's writing?

[Jemaine Clement]

A man called Duncan Sakis and puny.

[Scott Aukerman]

What gender is this person?

[Peony Flagon]

He's a male.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very good. Yeah, she's really good at these predictions.

[Jemaine Clement]

Another male man called Lawrence Arabia. That's his stage name. He does great music and also plays one of the characters. And there's an artist.

[Peony Flagon]

He's a male.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes. Okay, see if you can get this one then.

[Peony Flagon]

Alrighty. Alrighty.

[Jemaine Clement]

Steven Templar. These are all people you don't know. They're all. But if you're in New Zealand, you'd probably see them at bars.

[Peony Flagon]

Okay, what's his name again?

[Jemaine Clement]

Steven Templar.

[Peony Flagon]

And it is a he.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were saying what's his name, by the way? Which leads me to believe that you have some clues.

[Peony Flagon]

That guy's a male.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Jemaine Clement]

He's a male.

[Peony Flagon]

Male.

[Jemaine Clement]

He is a male. And it's a very male dominated society. And then we leave in our ship and then we. We experience in other countries which is very more balanced.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Sounds like E.T.

[Jemaine Clement]

yes, it's. It's based on E.T.

[Scott Aukerman]

no, really.

[Juniper Flagon]

Dominated.

[Peony Flagon]

Male.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Dominated. Lots of plants. They love to fondle.

[Jemaine Clement]

Well, we don't know that E.T. was a male. We.

[Scott Aukerman]

We don't.

[Juniper Flagon]

Well, Scott does.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Elliot said he was.

[Juniper Flagon]

Scott flipped him over and looked for his long feet.

[Jemaine Clement]

Elliot doesn't know. Elliot doesn't necessarily know what an alien is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Elliot does say he did this, he did that. But how does he know he's a.

[Jemaine Clement]

You say that about a dog and you might find out years later that.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Well, they know each other's most inner thoughts and feelings. I think ET Would have corrected him if he was.

[Jemaine Clement]

Well, they might be hermaphrodites or herdephrodites. Another thing that aliens have. We don't have that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Deborah Winger, can you clear your throat off mic before you start talking?

[Shrub Flagon]

Just wanting to share that Deborah Winger is the voice of ET she from

[Scott Aukerman]

An Officer and a Gentleman.

[Peony Flagon]

No way.

[Shrub Flagon]

Is that true.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a little bit of Hollywood facts. Should we play the Hollywood Facts theme song here?

[Jemaine Clement]

That would lead me to suggest that E.T. could be female.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was a Hollywood fact. We need to play this song. One second.

[Jemaine Clement]

Nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it's Hollywood back then. We're going downtown, going to Inglewood. Now everybody's doing your facts and knowing your star, glamour and lots of bars. Get a good drink at a club, then go watch in front of the Chinese Theater. Hollywood facts. Take out your dick. Check out the facts. It's the Hollywood facts, bro.

[Juniper Flagon]

I knew that from my premonition.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you were really good at that. Not as good as. As my nephew Todd was.

[Juniper Flagon]

I knew that, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jemaine Clement]

What's one of the living lyrics? Take out your dick.

[Juniper Flagon]

Yes.

[Jemaine Clement]

Please don't stand out for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you did it preliminarily. You came in here without pants. It's true.

[Juniper Flagon]

The song was written after you walked in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can I ask about when I first got to know you? I heard, of course, your wonderful Flight of the Concord radio show that was on BBC. Was that.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Is it fun to get back to doing audio entertainment?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes. Yes. Because you can do anything. Like. Listen to this. A spaceship.

[Scott Aukerman]

Holy. Did you guys hear that?

[Jemaine Clement]

I didn't see it. They cost nothing. Or a wave, I suppose.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, I heard a bird flying by.

[Shrub Flagon]

Problem with radio entertainment.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not specific enough. You need to see the spaceship to

[Juniper Flagon]

know that it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not a spaceship.

[Peony Flagon]

That's a librarian.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

That's ET's male penis erupting.

[Juniper Flagon]

We need. How about this one?

[Jemaine Clement]

Seal.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I thought it was ET's little vagina. You are correct.

[Peony Flagon]

That's water dripping in a glass.

[Juniper Flagon]

And you're right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Okay.

[Jemaine Clement]

Well, you can get CDs with special effects on them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? Is that. Is that how you're doing it?

[Jemaine Clement]

No, actually, we do. We do stuff like. We do a carriage ride. They put us in a van and they roll us down a hill and record it. Yes. And we record our scene in a carriage in there. And then they put the effective horses on later.

[Peony Flagon]

Really?

[Jemaine Clement]

So a mix.

[Scott Aukerman]

Interesting. And sound is mixed. So that sounds like it was really convenient. Yes. When's this come out? I think it comes out in September, maybe, or.

[Jemaine Clement]

I agree with you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'm looking forward to this. I've heard it's amazing.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's coming up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Coming up. So, you know, go get your free howl subscriptions over here and you can hear Jermaine's new show and it's fantastic. Of course, not. An interview goes by, I'm sure, where people don't ask, what's happening with the Flight of the Concords? You coming back? What's happening? Are you coming back? What's happening? Are you coming back?

[Jemaine Clement]

All those questions. We're not doing the TV show anymore. We won't do it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Absolutely not. And not even if they paid you to?

[Jemaine Clement]

No. Well, they offered to pay us to.

[Scott Aukerman]

They did. Well, I don't get paid for my Show.

[Jemaine Clement]

You should have a talk to them. Yeah, no, but we're thinking of writing a movie. A musical movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? Starring yourselves or starring other people?

[Jemaine Clement]

A combination.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So it wouldn't just be the two of you. Like I was gonna say Weekend at Bernie's, but I think. I mean, Dinner at Andre. Dinner with Andre.

[Juniper Flagon]

Andre was dead and they were holding him up the whole time.

[Peony Flagon]

He had sunglasses on and everyone thought he was dead.

[Scott Aukerman]

Also, it would be a different movie if you went to Andre's instead of having it in the restaurant. Like, if he was just making fun

[Juniper Flagon]

of dinner at Andre's.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Andre made dinner dead.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here, I have some shrimp cocktail for you. So, wow, that's exciting news. You're thinking about making a Flight of the Concords movie?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes, it's an exciting thought that we've had.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you thought that one time?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah, we thought that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're going to follow up on that thought.

[Jemaine Clement]

We've written some notes.

[Shrub Flagon]

You got final draft.

[Jemaine Clement]

We've downloaded that.

[Shrub Flagon]

Nice.

[Jemaine Clement]

We updated it from.

[Peony Flagon]

You don't have the demo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you in the FTX file format currently or are you still in FDR?

[Jemaine Clement]

We've updated our final draft from the 2008 one from when we finished running our shows.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now you're in fdx.

[Jemaine Clement]

Now we've now gone to X.

[Scott Aukerman]

And have you done any command D commands where it's like dual dialogue?

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, yeah, yeah, you must have. Oh, but I didn't do that. I went into the menu.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Command D is a shortcut.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, I'm back on 2008 final draft.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great. That's exciting. So when's it come out?

[Jemaine Clement]

Possibly never, but hopefully 2000 and one of those years.

[Scott Aukerman]

One of those 2000 years.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah, hopefully in the next few years.

[Scott Aukerman]

Probably will not come out. Possibly will not come out 886 years from now when we're in the 3000s. No, wait.

[Juniper Flagon]

I predict it won't come out unless 986 after 25 years.

[Peony Flagon]

I predict it won't come out after Hustle and Flow.

[Shrub Flagon]

I'm a Benedict. It's a Christmas flick, so bring your flip flops.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Peony can beatbox if you need it.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes, please.

[Shrub Flagon]

She got.

[Jemaine Clement]

She choked.

[Scott Aukerman]

I heard a song just this morning as I was prepping for the show that I turned my itunes on random and I have, I think, like close to 200,000 songs in it. And it just. Whatever comes out, bragger. And I heard a song that I was like, this is a Flight of the Concord song that I've never heard before or I haven't paid attention to. Turned out it wasn't you. Do you wanna guess who it was? Yeah, guess. Who do you think? Sounds sort of like you and has similar types of songs in a way. Not someone ripping you off. I don't mean another comedy artist.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, no. Oh, that must be the Daft House.

[Scott Aukerman]

Daft House? Nope.

[Peony Flagon]

It's Rihanna.

[Shrub Flagon]

Raffy.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was Sparks.

[Jemaine Clement]

I'll start.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was Sparks. They have a song called Rock Rock

[Jemaine Clement]

Rock that I was like, they're an LA band. Right. I've been.

[Scott Aukerman]

They've been around forever since. I mean, they had cool Places with Jane Weadland back in the day, but back in the 70s, they were.

[Jemaine Clement]

There's some things. There's some American things that didn't come to New Zealand.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry, Sparks did not come to New Zealand.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, I just been here. I've just discovered them from the Mystery show as the theme song from the Mystery Show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, interesting. You should check him out. I think you would like him out there. And his voice. Okay.

[Jemaine Clement]

And one had a Hitler mustache for a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And now he's got the little sort of John Watersy thing.

[Jemaine Clement]

I mean, I think that's a better choice.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a better. Definitely. And now they're touring with Franz Ferdinand. They've created a super group. Yeah, but ffs. But they. They. The one's voice sounds like Brett, I think.

[Jemaine Clement]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So that's why I thought it was. And it was.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah, yeah, he does.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it was taking a. It was taking an interesting look at something that happens in a style of music. Music. I was like, this is. Has to be. This has to be, you guys.

[Jemaine Clement]

It doesn't have to be.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it turned out it wasn't.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So. Yeah, you're right.

[Juniper Flagon]

I knew it all along.

[Shrub Flagon]

We found love in a hopeless place Frequently knocked off. Are you. Is your music.

[Jemaine Clement]

My mom thinks so, but I don't think so.

[Shrub Flagon]

No.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What does your mom think about. Does she, like, listen to commercials or something and go, ah, they're ripping you off?

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, well, that happens a little in New Zealand where they, you know, they'll try and get us in a commercial and there'll be two other guys with the ukulele.

[Scott Aukerman]

That happened with Ghostbusters. They tried to get Huey Lewis to do it and he wouldn't do it. Instead they get Ray Parker to rip him off.

[Jemaine Clement]

But then.

[Scott Aukerman]

And his son, Ray Parker Jr.

[Jemaine Clement]

I don't find those songs that similar. But Huey Lewis got all the money, didn't he?

[Scott Aukerman]

He did. He did. Yeah. So There you go. I think it's Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa. It sounds exactly like Heart and Soul or something.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, it's the power of love. It's a curious thing, isn't it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that was the song that he did after Ghostbusters came out for Back to the Future in 1985.

[Jemaine Clement]

He made another song that sounded just the same.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You and I are gonna fight in a minute if you say that. They sound exactly the same. How do you feel about that? About fighting me? Do you think you could take me?

[Jemaine Clement]

I'm not sure, but I love the adrenaline rush.

[Juniper Flagon]

I predict the sad man will feel bad.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yes. I predict there's a problem in this world workplace with fighting.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about the dad?

[Shrub Flagon]

Fight of the concord.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Fight of the concord.

[Juniper Flagon]

The dad said will feel bad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fight of the concord.

[Jemaine Clement]

A lot of these predictions are late. Very late. I notice.

[Peony Flagon]

Okay.

[Juniper Flagon]

Are you ahead of time because you're from New Zealand?

[Peony Flagon]

Are you. You're somehow in the future?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Your toilet flushes the wrong way. So you can tell us where our predictions lie.

[Jemaine Clement]

It is the next day in New Zealand, actually.

[Juniper Flagon]

Yes, of course it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your toilet flushes the next day in New Zealand.

[Jemaine Clement]

Sometimes if we're saving water, you just

[Scott Aukerman]

gotta let it mellow all day. I don't know.

[Juniper Flagon]

Even if it's not yellow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, very good. I hope. I sincerely hope that you guys make this film because the world needs more content.

[Jemaine Clement]

Okay? There's a lot of content. There's a lot.

[Scott Aukerman]

But we need more.

[Jemaine Clement]

I haven't. I haven't caught up with everything yet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? What's the one thing you haven't caught up with?

[Jemaine Clement]

I haven't even seen. I haven't even seen Dr. Strangelove.

[Scott Aukerman]

What? Yeah. Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.

[Jemaine Clement]

Another tricky title.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've never seen that. It seems like it would be right up your alley.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah, that's why I think I should see it.

[Peony Flagon]

Well, can I. Can I tell you something? This is a real life premonition, okay? Let me tell you something.

[Juniper Flagon]

She's standing on her head.

[Peony Flagon]

I had a dream. It was a long time ago. I was a kid, okay? And I had a dream, all right, That I was riding, okay? Like a horse, a bomb. And.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Peony Flagon]

Wait.

[Scott Aukerman]

Riding a bomb like a horse or

[Hyacinth Flagon]

you're riding Steve Buscemi. Armageddon.

[Peony Flagon]

That was you? No, it was. It was before that movie came out. It was before Hustle and Flow came out for Empire. And definitely I had not seen Dr. Strangelove. I was riding a bomb and the Ground was coming at me. And I remember.

[Scott Aukerman]

Were you traveling towards the ground?

[Peony Flagon]

No, the ground was coming at me.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you were. You were still.

[Peony Flagon]

I was stationary.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Juniper Flagon]

And riding, like, a stationary horse. The bomb, as the ground came forward.

[Peony Flagon]

And this is a true thing. You know, and I know that that's an iconic scene from that movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Were you riding a bomb, like, in a bar? Sort of like a mechanical horse.

[Peony Flagon]

It wasn't bucking around. No, no, no, no, no. It was stationary. We were both stationary. The ground was coming. I mean, anyway.

[Jemaine Clement]

So you predicted the established iconic scene

[Scott Aukerman]

from Doctor Strange, though.

[Jemaine Clement]

That happened 20 years earlier.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Jemaine Clement]

Incredible.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's amazing.

[Peony Flagon]

It's pretty amazing. That's why we have our own carnival and tour around.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. These. They tour in a carnival.

[Jemaine Clement]

What other things have you predicted from earlier?

[Juniper Flagon]

We could do a prediction about.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you want to do a reading? Is that okay?

[Jemaine Clement]

Okay. Okay.

[Juniper Flagon]

Okay.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Okay.

[Juniper Flagon]

Peony.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Peony stuff. Start.

[Peony Flagon]

Oh, boy. Not to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Male. Yeah.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yes.

[Peony Flagon]

Not to, you know, beat a broken record, but you are a male. That's how we'll start on.

[Jemaine Clement]

Dead on.

[Juniper Flagon]

I predict that you are having a problem with someone in your family or someone in your workplace.

[Jemaine Clement]

I thought you were going to say fantasies, and then I thought you were going to say an actual.

[Juniper Flagon]

I also predict you're having fantasies about an actual one and you are having problems with someone in your life, and you really need to clear that up.

[Jemaine Clement]

Okay. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Accurate at this point.

[Jemaine Clement]

I'll do that. Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great.

[Shrub Flagon]

And I feel like taking in everything you have. If you look at the inventory of your life, you want maybe more than what you have.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you relate to that at all? Do you want more?

[Jemaine Clement]

I want more space.

[Scott Aukerman]

Space.

[Jemaine Clement]

More or less.

[Scott Aukerman]

Should we back away from you right

[Jemaine Clement]

now

[Scott Aukerman]

or do you mean just the fact that the universe is sort of.

[Jemaine Clement]

There seems to be a lot of

[Scott Aukerman]

stuff, you know, contracting.

[Jemaine Clement]

Is it?

[Scott Aukerman]

I believe so.

[Jemaine Clement]

I thought it was expanding. I'm gonna have to.

[Scott Aukerman]

I believe it expands for a while and then it contracts and then basically we're. At some point we're nothing.

[Jemaine Clement]

I'm going to just. I might have to go outside and just have a look at it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have a look at the universe.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I'm getting a vibe.

[Jemaine Clement]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh, it's. Oh, here it is, Hyacinth. Here it is.

[Juniper Flagon]

I'm.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Oh, it's coming. I. I'm riding it. Did you see a spider this last week?

[Jemaine Clement]

Not that I noticed.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Did a spider perhaps see you?

[Jemaine Clement]

That must have been it.

[Peony Flagon]

That was it.

[Shrub Flagon]

I knew it. That was it.

[Juniper Flagon]

That was it.

[Shrub Flagon]

And there you go.

[Scott Aukerman]

It.

[Peony Flagon]

There you have it.

[Juniper Flagon]

Your life summed up.

[Scott Aukerman]

I noticed that you didn't make fun of him for liking to date men

[Juniper Flagon]

as much as we told you that Each reading was different.

[Peony Flagon]

Each reading is different.

[Juniper Flagon]

We didn't make fun of you. We just told you about yourself. If you're insecure about it, that's your.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

He just gets a standard T shirt. Standard reading. Standard T shirt.

[Juniper Flagon]

It says I had a standard reading. And the back is us looking outward.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I thought it said you got. You got predicted.

[Juniper Flagon]

That's one of the shirts.

[Peony Flagon]

That's one of the shirts. That's the one you got.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. All right. Well.

[Shrub Flagon]

Is this cheese?

[Peony Flagon]

Is this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, it is. Do you give me. Give him the T shirt, ladies.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Here. It's American Apparel soft.

[Juniper Flagon]

It's really good quality.

[Peony Flagon]

Really good quality.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a baby tee. Why would you give him that size?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Because he likes to wiggle into things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I didn't predict that, but it's true.

[Jemaine Clement]

It kind of shows off my contours.

[Peony Flagon]

Your flight of the contours.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Well, guys, this has been a fantastic show. We learned a lot about Jemaine.

[Peony Flagon]

Think.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think we. We.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah, we delved into me.

[Scott Aukerman]

We really have one last thing we have to do, and that's a little something that we call plugs. I want to hear your words. I like that. That was. I want to hear you. Your plugs by Sam Hinberg. That's like something that I would just normally listen to Jermaine, as a fellow musician. Rate that 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. Sam Himberg. That has to feel good. Take a victory lap hearing someone who's as accomplished as you. Grammys. Do you have Grammys?

[Jemaine Clement]

I have one.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have one. Of course you do.

[Jemaine Clement]

Which, you know, I shared credit for, but yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, do you have to share the actual Grammys? We.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, we get one each.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very nice.

[Jemaine Clement]

We had one each.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What if.

[Jemaine Clement]

And. And the people who produce the record, they get one.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if you had to split it up by how many people you shared it with? You know, like you got an eighth or a fourth of a Grammy Share custody.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's hard to cut it up because it's metal.

[Scott Aukerman]

And what if they expected you to cut it up?

[Jemaine Clement]

But you know, what I quite like is you get. You know, it's a little record player. I don't know if you guys have Grammys, but.

[Juniper Flagon]

Yeah, I do.

[Shrub Flagon]

I do too.

[Scott Aukerman]

You guys all have Grammys.

[Shrub Flagon]

We have an album.

[Jemaine Clement]

You get it in a follow up

[Scott Aukerman]

on this, but go ahead.

[Jemaine Clement]

You get it in a foam box. You get a box with foam and it's cut in the shape of the Grammy. So you almost like the foam box more.

[Scott Aukerman]

We've talked about this on the show before. That's almost like a mold. People can be making their own Grammys.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's gonna be a bit.

[Juniper Flagon]

If Styrofoam would make metal. Metal.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you can make a mold out of the Styrofoam. Yeah.

[Jemaine Clement]

So I guess I would have that bit and then I'll let the other person, in this case, Brett, I'd let him have the Grammy and I'd have the phone box, and then I would, after a few days, really regret that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Jemaine Clement]

I've just got this box.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many people. And this is a serious question. How many people have seen your Grammy and been impressed by it?

[Jemaine Clement]

Not many people. If they have, they've been into my office and they're not allowed in there. So if you're listening.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get out of there. Get out of there. So some burglars maybe?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah. They didn't take it, though.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you hope that a burglar were your house to be burgled? And I pray that it is not. Would you hope that a burglar would at least go, wow, this dude has a Grammy? Like, that's impressive?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Peony Flagon]

Jackpot.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah, I'd hope they think I'm mysterious. I like to try and impress everyone, even people who are thieving from me.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think we can all relate to that. I think that's a common feeling. All right, well, what do we have to plug? Jemaine, Obviously you have this movie. People, places, things.

[Jemaine Clement]

Think from the description that we've outlined, it's pretty clear that people will see it.

[Juniper Flagon]

It's pretty clear.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think so. I mean, is there any sort of extra pizazz you want to throw in there? Like, you know, is there an explosion or.

[Jemaine Clement]

Well, just the same as I've said to you, if you've wondered what it would be like to have me as a dad, watch this movie and to

[Shrub Flagon]

see you as a leading man and also real comic touting.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've always wondered what your face. What your face would look like if someone were to break up with you.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, it's very strange. But you'll see it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You'll see it.

[Jemaine Clement]

See that it's very unusual.

[Peony Flagon]

I want to see that.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I want to see it.

[Jemaine Clement]

It's not like Brad Pitt's face, actually, when he does it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I also kind of want to see the underside of your Feet Are these features not.

[Jemaine Clement]

Scott, I can just show you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Peony Flagon]

Oh, my God. There's a finger in the middle.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you have a finger in the middle of your foot?

[Jemaine Clement]

A little surprise. I head down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Never going to get rid of feedback.

[Shrub Flagon]

Were talking about it.

[Peony Flagon]

People, places, things jam in your finger.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's out in all theaters now.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, 20 theaters across the country. How many do you have?

[Juniper Flagon]

20.

[Shrub Flagon]

Check your local Downey and it's also

[Scott Aukerman]

on itunes and you have to demand it. I'm so sorry. Anything else you want to plug? Of course, your podcast. The.

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah, go check that out in September. Or Howl. You should get into how.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's called.

[Jemaine Clement]

Oh, yeah. I imagine you just plug the mysterious

[Scott Aukerman]

secrets of Uncle Birdie's botinarium. Anything else you want to plug? This is your time to shine.

[Jemaine Clement]

No, no, that's. All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, Very good. I'm going to go to.

[Jemaine Clement]

I'll plug a finger in it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm going to go to the sisters here. Anything you guys want to plug?

[Peony Flagon]

Yes. Yeah.

[Juniper Flagon]

We all have one thing we care about.

[Peony Flagon]

That's right. One thing in the world that we care about.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

Predict you'll like it.

[Juniper Flagon]

It's on Howl as well.

[Peony Flagon]

Wild Horses.

[Juniper Flagon]

The perspective.

[Jemaine Clement]

Has it started?

[Juniper Flagon]

Yes, as far as I know.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's three episodes, five episodes up of this show. And you guys like this show?

[Peony Flagon]

Love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

The show's great.

[Juniper Flagon]

And we also think you should listen to Psychic show with Lauren Lapkis.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, and you guys agree with that?

[Peony Flagon]

Absolutely. Psychics.

[Juniper Flagon]

I.

[Peony Flagon]

We can say that this is a bonafide podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it a lot like you guys like listening to you guys or is it.

[Juniper Flagon]

No, it's nothing like that.

[Peony Flagon]

That completely dissimilar.

[Scott Aukerman]

Will you be on the show? No.

[Juniper Flagon]

It's a documentary style podcast series about

[Scott Aukerman]

Lauren, this comedian that we know.

[Juniper Flagon]

She's amazing. Going to see psychics and having experiences.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, interesting.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

She was following us on Twitter, but we wouldn't give her readings for her show.

[Juniper Flagon]

And Erin Whitehead joins her on the journey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. This sounds good. Okay.

[Juniper Flagon]

And listen to with special guest Lauren Lapkis on the Howl app as well.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so this is all available on Howl Premium, which people can get a free month to, I think by putting in the offer code CBB currently. Is that true?

[Hyacinth Flagon]

We have a code as well.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no. Anyway, CBB is the one that.

[Juniper Flagon]

Listen to this with Wild.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no.

[Juniper Flagon]

Or Lauren.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Jermaine, do you have an offer code?

[Jemaine Clement]

Yeah. Bertie's Birdies. Bertie's B R Br. No, not br. That's the New Zealand way we spell it. The American way. B, E, R, T, I, E, S

[Scott Aukerman]

when you spell in your. But all these things are gonna do

[Jemaine Clement]

the same thing, but then they'll know who David's son.

[Shrub Flagon]

Pick your favorite.

[Peony Flagon]

Pick your favorite of those.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I also want to plug. I didn't talk about this on last week's show, but if you do sign up for HAL on HAL Premium right now, they have our outside land show from a couple of weeks ago. We went up to San Francisco and we had intern Geno on the show. And then also Rory Scovell and Matt Besser and James Adomi and they were all on the show. And that. That is all available on Howl preview.

[Jemaine Clement]

You did not.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. I didn't. God damn it. How did you know?

[Jemaine Clement]

Just. I could tell. Your eyes, your line.

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah, I could tell, too. I predicted that, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Shrub Flagon]

And Stephanie Allen, the actress we were mentioning earlier, is also on the Complete Woman, which is on Howl with Amanda Lund.

[Scott Aukerman]

With Amanda Lund. Yeah. That's a good show, I hear.

[Jemaine Clement]

I've worked with her. She was a complete woman.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I also want to plug this Thursday on the comedy Bang Bang TV show, Randall park from Fresh off the Boat and several other things that everyone loves from Wet Hot American Summer. I just saw him in. He is on the couch with us. And also Paul Britton in a really, really funny appearance. And this is a really funny episode. It's Thursday 10:30 on IFC after an all new documentary now, which is Bill Hader and Fred Harmisen's new show. So check that out.

[Hyacinth Flagon]

I predict it will be very funny.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, thank you.

[Peony Flagon]

That is male.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is male.

[Juniper Flagon]

I predict there will be a problem within the episode that has to be resolved and should be pretty good prediction.

[Scott Aukerman]

There is, actually. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Closing up the plug, Bro. That is a good song. That's a good song.

[Jemaine Clement]

That is a good song.

[Scott Aukerman]

That song's okay. That's a great song. I didn't like that song.

[Jemaine Clement]

Was that even a song?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a good song. What do you think of that song, Jermaine?

[Jemaine Clement]

That is a good song.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, guys, this has been a fun show. Thank you so much, Jermaine. Thanks for appearing on the show. Where do your travels take you next?

[Jemaine Clement]

I'm going to New Zealand tonight.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tonight. All right, I'll see you later.

[Jemaine Clement]

I wanted to talk to you all first, though.

[Scott Aukerman]

I appreciate that. How long are you gonna be there?

[Jemaine Clement]

How long Am I gonna be there? Ladies?

[Juniper Flagon]

Three months, ten days.

[Jemaine Clement]

Three months, ten days.

[Scott Aukerman]

Three months, ten days. Great. So can I see you three months, eleven days from now? Will you come back?

[Jemaine Clement]

Will I come back?

[Peony Flagon]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very good. All right. Write that Concords movie, okay? Command D. And any last words from any of you guys?

[Juniper Flagon]

Yes. The end.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was true.

[Juniper Flagon]

Suck on that.

[Morgan Stewart]

Hey everyone, it's me, Morgan Stewart, and I have a new podcast called the Morgan Stewart Show. Join me each week as I talk about pop culture, fashion, my personal life, and just a warning, I'm gonna be giving my opinion on everything. I'll also have some really fun guests to join in on the fun. The Morgan Stewart show is out now. Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts or watch full video on YouTube.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

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[Juniper Flagon]

Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Advertiser]

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[Shrub Flagon]

Liberty.

[Juniper Flagon]

Liberty.

[Shrub Flagon]

Liberty.

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