CBB PRESENTS: The Music Man Watchalong (Scott Aukerman, Paul F. Tompkins)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast
Episode: CBB PRESENTS: The Music Man Watchalong
Hosts: Scott Aukerman, Paul F. Tompkins
Release Date: January 20, 2025

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Introduction and Context

In this special episode of Comedy Bang Bang, host Scott Aukerman teams up with Paul F. Tompkins to present a unique watch-along experience of the classic musical film, "The Music Man." This deviation from the regular podcast format was prompted by the devastating fires in Los Angeles, which disrupted recording schedules and affected several guests' lives. Instead of postponing, Scott and Paul decided to offer a “CBB Presents” watch-along exclusively for subscribers on CBB World, ensuring content continues despite the challenges.

Watch-Along Format

The episode begins with Scott introducing the watch-along concept, explaining that they will simultaneously view "The Music Man" while providing real-time commentary and engaging in playful banter. The watch-along includes instructions on syncing the movie, noting occasional pauses for ad breaks seamlessly integrated into the podcast without interrupting the viewing experience.

Main Discussions and Debates

A significant portion of the episode revolves around a recurring debate between Scott and Paul regarding the protagonist, Harold Hill:

• Harold Hill's Intentions:

  • Scott Aukerman's Perspective: Scott contends that Harold Hill is a con man who deceives the townsfolk by selling them music lessons, uniforms, and instruments at inflated prices without any genuine intention to teach.
    • Notable Quote: “[...] takes money from them, even on that score. But the instruments do arrive in order to solidify the fact that he is an actual music man.” (47:41)
  • Paul F. Tompkins' Viewpoint: Paul challenges Scott’s assertion, suggesting that Harold Hill genuinely contributes to the community by teaching music and that the evidence of his deceit isn’t as clear-cut.
    • Notable Quote: “I have one student.” (141:35)

• Philosophical Implications of Lying:

  • The hosts delve into the ethics of Harold Hill’s actions, discussing whether his deceptive practices are justified if they ultimately benefit the community by fostering a love for music.
    • Notable Quote: “If it comes true, is he lying?” (85:01)

Scene-by-Scene Analysis

Throughout the watch-along, Scott and Paul provide humorous and insightful commentary on various scenes:

• Opening Moments:

  • They comment on the film's setting and the initial introduction of characters, highlighting the era-specific elements such as clothing and societal norms.
    • Notable Quote: “Is he sort of like a dandy?” (34:44)

• Musical Numbers:

  • The duo discusses memorable songs like "76 Trombones," analyzing the choreography and its impact on the storyline.
    • Notable Quote: “That's the famous song 76 Trombones.” (14:29)

• Invisible Piano:

  • A significant plot device in the film is the invisible piano, which sparks discussion about its purpose and symbolism.
    • Notable Quote: “There's one invisible piano in the town.” (40:00)

• Climactic Conclusions:

  • As the movie progresses towards its climax, Scott and Paul dissect the final interactions between Harold Hill and the townspeople, debating whether Hill's transformation is genuine or merely a strategic move.
    • Notable Quote: “But of course, you know, he's gonna end up actually in love with her.” (60:35)

Character Dynamics and Development

• Harold Hill and Marjorie: Their evolving relationship is a focal point, with discussions on whether Hill’s feelings for Marjorie are sincere or part of his con.
• Supporting Characters: Scott and Paul humorously analyze supporting roles, including Buddy Hackett’s cameo and the portrayal of various townsfolk, adding layers to their understanding of the film.

Notable Quotes with Attribution and Timestamps

1. Scott Aukerman: “This is a very special episode of CBB Presents.” (00:46)
2. Paul F. Tompkins: “Honey, you sound like you're from outer space. You sound like an alien.” (06:32)
3. Scott Aukerman: “Why don't they on after midnight?” (89:42)
4. Paul F. Tompkins: “The whole town came out to yell at this guy.” (24:44)
5. Scott Aukerman: “You gotta say it at least five times.” (118:41)
6. Brett Morris: “You bog trotting peasant.” (93:59)
7. Paul F. Tompkins: “I have no problem with him. Anything he does.” (165:20)
8. Scott Aukerman: “Tries to cut a figure.” (123:03)

(Note: The timestamps correspond to moments in the transcript where these quotes occur.)

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the watch-along concludes, Scott and Paul reflect on their ongoing debate about Harold Hill’s true intentions. While they make progress in understanding each other's viewpoints, the discussion leaves room for further contemplation, suggesting they might revisit "The Music Man" in future episodes to continue their analysis.

• Final Remarks:
  • Scott appreciates the engagement despite the challenges faced due to the LA fires and expresses gratitude towards listeners for their patience.
    • Notable Quote: “We should be back next week with a new episode.” (05:18)
  • The hosts hint at the enduring nature of their debates and the potential for future watch-alongs, fostering a sense of community and anticipation among listeners.

Recurring Themes and Insights

• The Art of Con: Exploring how Harold Hill manipulates perceptions to achieve his goals, raising questions about morality and the impact of deceit.
• Nostalgia vs. Modernity: The hosts juxtapose the film’s early 20th-century setting with contemporary perspectives, enhancing the comedic and analytical elements of their discussion.
• Humanizing Classics: By engaging with "The Music Man" in real-time, Scott and Paul breathe new life into the classic film, making it accessible and entertaining for modern audiences.

Final Takeaway

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang offers a blend of humor, insightful critique, and engaging argumentation, wrapped in the unique format of a watch-along podcast. Scott Aukerman and Paul F. Tompkins not only entertain but also invite listeners to ponder deeper questions about character motivations and ethical dilemmas presented in beloved classic films.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the substantive discussions and insights shared during the podcast episode.

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Paul F. Tompkins]

To review and approval.

[Scott Aukerman]

Learn more at netcredit.com partners NetCredit credit to the People hey everyone, Scott Auman here, host of Comedy Bang Bang and we do not have a regular episode for you this week. Let me explain now if you've been living under a rock, and I sincerely hope you have not because they're very uncomfortable, the fires in Los Angeles hit approximately almost two weeks ago now. We had an episode that we were recording the morning things got really bad and everyone had to cancel. And since then I had to evacuate for about a week and a lot of the regular guests on the show had to evacuate for about a week and some people still haven't come back. And I know of at least five previous guests of the show whose houses were destroyed in the fire. So things have been a little dicey here in Los Angeles. We are not back up to regular speed yet. So what we decided to do, instead of just putting nothing out, we decided, why don't we put out something special that is only for subscribers at CBB World out to everyone else. So before the fires happened over at Brett's house, which was dangerously close to being burned to the ground by the way, everything around him was Paul F. Tompkins and I gathered over there, if you can say two people gathered and we recorded a watch along podcast for the movie the Music Man. Now if you've been listening to the show over the past few months, you know that Paul and I have had some disagreement over the plot of the Music man that has spanned many episodes where we've discussed it, we talked about it with Christian Brune and Tatiana Maslany and then this continued on the tour and also into the best ofs, we decided to settle the issue for good and we sat down and watch the Music Man. This is me and Paul is playing two characters he's playing Bing Luzhou and Dr. Bill Blondie, both of whom I had this argument with. And so we watch the Music Man. If you've never heard a watch along podcast, we tell you when to start the movie, we give you a countdown. The only slight thing you have to look out for in this version is we're gonna take a couple of ad break. So when you hear the Comedy Bang Bang theme, pause and then when you hear it again after the ads, just unpause and it should be still synced up for you. And this is pretty long. I think it's 2 hours and 40 minutes long because it's a long ass movie. But we had a lot of fun doing it and you know, we really thought the, the climactic conclusion of this should be available for all Comedy Bang Bang listeners. So that's at least a silver lining to all of this. We should be back next week with a new episode. I appreciate your patience in all of this. Everyone is safe here. But again, I do know several guests whose belongings and houses are not safe, but we're glad that they're personally safe. We've been very lucky here in my house as well. But thank you to everyone who's reached out wondering how we're doing. Everyone's fine here, here, so don't think about any of that. You have a fun watch along podcast to listen to. Here you go. This is the CBB Presents that we put out the Watch along podcast for the Music Man.

[Brett Morris]

And.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey everyone, this is Scott Aerman, host of Comedy Bang Bang. And welcome to a very special episode of CBB Presents. What are you listening to? What am I saying? These are all the questions that I think every single time I ever do an episode. But in this particular instance, I know what both of these things are. And by the way, Brett, thank you so much for doing whatever that was. It's gone from incredibly echoey to not echoey in the headphones.

[Brett Morris]

Really good.

[Scott Aukerman]

And who is that, you may ask? Well, first of all, what is this? This is our watch along podcast for a very special movie which we'll get into in a second. These gentlemen here to my right are with me. We're going to watch a movie and talk during it and then you can watch, I guess, alongside us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Honey, you sound like you're from outer space. You sound like. You sound like an alien.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bloop.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, that's what you say. You sound like an alien. It's a watch along. We're gonna watch the movie together with the audience.

[Scott Aukerman]

With the audience. Yeah. Although the audience is not here with us currently.

[Brett Morris]

No, nobody.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nobody. It's just you and me.

[Brett Morris]

Why is your room so dark?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you know, that's how I like to watch a movie, unfortunately.

[Brett Morris]

Okay. You don't get scared?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, usually the lights from the movie illuminates the room a little bit, but still, it's dark. It is dark. And unfortunately we're not watching this in a theater where the exits are illuminated either. So if there were to be a.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Fire, that's if I watch a horror picture. What I do is I look at the exit signs and I say, okay, I'm in real life, I'm not in.

[Scott Aukerman]

The screen and at least I can leave.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

If it gets too scary.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I know how.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I know how.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Would we have.

[Scott Aukerman]

How would you. What are the steps involved?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Steps are first I would go towards that sign. The lighted exit sign.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Instead of backing up away from it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because you know, they can't put that over a door. That's not an exit.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Yeah. Now a lot of times, a lot.

[Brett Morris]

Of it's actual law.

[Scott Aukerman]

There are some theaters that do a fake one for fun.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's escape rooms, honey. It's escape rooms.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do they have to have exit signs in escape room? I've never been in an escape room.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In an escape room you can have fake exit signs, but you do have to have a doormark to escape that does lead you to outside.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this is very confusing because I would go through the exit ones. In any case, we're doing a watch along podcast for a movie. And let me introduce my guests here. We have two gentlemen that I've had discussions with regarding this movie. Oh boy.

[Brett Morris]

That's true.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have. First of all, what is your biography, sir?

[Brett Morris]

Mr. L. You don't remember my name and you don't remember.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know your name. I just haven't introduced you yet.

[Brett Morris]

Okay. I am a malt shop owner. Owner and proprietor.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. You own it, you proprietate it.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, I'm proprieting every day at the malt shop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please welcome Bing Luzhou.

[Brett Morris]

Hi everybody. What a pleasure to be here. Watch this wonderful film with you.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's so wonderful to have you here. We also have. This gentleman has inspected me every which way. Oh, that's true. He's checked out every orifice of my body.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sometimes twice like Santa Claus.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, he checks a list twice. I don't think he's checking orifices of the little boys and girls.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was more the twice part. I think people got it. I don't think you needed to introduce orifices of little boys or girls.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just wanted to make sure the audience knew that we weren't talking about that. But this is my doctor, Dr. Bill. Blondy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Scotty. How you doing?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm doing great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Needle bump.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you just headbutting me now? What is going on?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, no, no. Let me cut some gorilla fingers on this table.

[Scott Aukerman]

Gorilla? I don't know that I've heard gorilla fingers in the morning.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You ever heard gorilla fingers?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I love it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a medical term.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're watching a movie, Dr. Bill, and called the Music Man.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

What year is this from? Who could say.

[Brett Morris]

I want to say 1956.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel like it's the 60s. I feel like it's 60s movies. Free Love, Honey.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What is that song?

[Scott Aukerman]

That is Quincy Jones's song that I feel like is prominently featured in the Austin Power song.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, no. Do you mean one mint julep?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. Why stop at one, by the way?

[Brett Morris]

Oh, no, that's not one mint julep. One mint julep is.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, this is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

These film. These songs will not be featured in this film. This film is from 1962.

[Brett Morris]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

The swinging 60s themselves. The Beatles.

[Brett Morris]

Everybody in this movie is all acid.

[Scott Aukerman]

I bet the Beatles were just starting to record.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They were in the basement in Hamburg.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wearing a toilet seat around his neck.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

John Lennon. But I bet that got big laughs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just walked out on stage.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

People are like, ah, bunch of German people sitting in a basement, sweating.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just 10 years after the war, this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Guy comes out with a toilet seat around his neck. Like, that's pretty good.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is good. This is. Lighten the mood here in Germany. Okay. No, the war was. The war was 15 years earlier.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right. Because it ended in what, 47.

[Scott Aukerman]

Somewhere around, I think.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

47.

[Scott Aukerman]

But we're going to watch the Music man from 1962. Robert Preston and Shirley Jones, of course, star in this film.

[Brett Morris]

Must have been nominated for prizes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I bet it won the Academy Award for best Picture.

[Brett Morris]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. I'm just throwing it out there. But. But best I'm seeing best music. Is that something original score. Did it win that or are you just bringing that up to my attention? All right, so it won.

[Brett Morris]

That means it must have written a song for no.

[Scott Aukerman]

1, for the score. Oh, so it's not original song play.

[Brett Morris]

Doesn'T have a score. Really? A musical.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was this just a play and then they added music for this film.

[Brett Morris]

It Was a boring play.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, how does this work? We are gonna all start this movie at the same time.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah. We'll count down. 3, 2, 1, play.

[Scott Aukerman]

3, 2, 1, Play. Now, what you have to do is you have to. To get it synced up. Get it synced up. You're gonna start it on. Basically, the first frame is just a big blue nothing. If you're watching it on iTunes, this is two seconds in. Suddenly, you see a big blue nothing. That's where we're starting.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's like a blue void. If you go all. I mean, if you go all the way to 0, 0, 00, it's black.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's just black. Yeah, but we're starting on the first frame. This is sort of like the first frame of David Lynch's Blue Velvet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And here's another thing you can do is you can sort of narrate the opening credits so people can know if they're synced up or not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Okay. And then if you're not synced up, I don't know how to get this back on track for you. I think it's a lost cause. I would just stop the podcast. But if you are synced up, this is going to be a lot of fun. And the reason we're doing this is we'll get into it, I think, as we go along.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, but let's get synced up like a women's prison.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. All right, we're going to do the big. Going to do the big countdown a la the ball dropping.

[Brett Morris]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

In Times Square.

[Brett Morris]

You want to start from 10?

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, why not? All right, here we go. Should we do a countdown to the countdown? Just so people know, let's do a.

[Brett Morris]

3, 2, 1 to the countdown.

[Scott Aukerman]

3, 2, 1. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

[Brett Morris]

Play.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Blue. It's still blue. Oh, I hear a whistle.

[Brett Morris]

Okay, so the Brothers Warner animated soul is banned.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I don't remember this part of it all. How long has it been since you watched this?

[Brett Morris]

It's been a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been probably 20 years for me, but I would watch this regularly when I was growing up.

[Brett Morris]

I've probably seen it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Meredith Wilson. Meredith Wilson, by the way, wrote this. And where did he get him?

[Brett Morris]

The Music Man?

[Scott Aukerman]

There it is. You see these? This is, of course, the famous song 76 Trombones.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This whole thing. Claymation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it Claymation or is it starring Robert Preston? I don't think Clay is involved. I think it's just Mason.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't Know all the terms.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shirley Jones, of course, plays the titular music man. Buddy Hackett. Now, if you don't know who Buddy.

[Brett Morris]

Hackett is, people tell me I sound.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like him, you'll never know. And Paul Ford, of course. The Buffalo Bills, the football team, the AFC. This is when they were still in the AFC. I think O.J.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Simpson is in this fun cameo.

[Scott Aukerman]

An entire football team filmed in Technorama, of course, which we still use to this very day.

[Brett Morris]

I love Technorama.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the director of photography is Robert Burks.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's in the asc.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What does ASC stand for? Have we ever figured that out?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's secret. It's a secret society.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. It's like Skull and Bones.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We all have them.

[Scott Aukerman]

We do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Speaking as a doctor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, what about flesh?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What about it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Blood. Piss.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Love it all. Love it all.

[Brett Morris]

Love it all.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Look, I'm a choreographer by Una White. Yeah, look, I love everything to do with the human body sound. Emmy Merrick. Dolph Thomas.

[Brett Morris]

Set. The creator, George James Hopkins. Vocal arrangements. Charles Henderson.

[Scott Aukerman]

Boy, these are just going by too quick for us to say, but Ray Heindorf.

[Brett Morris]

Heindorf.

[Scott Aukerman]

Heindorff.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Get in here. Heindorf.

[Scott Aukerman]

Based on Meredith Wilson's the Music Man. How considerate of them to base this on something.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What a weird string of credits. I couldn't follow that one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Screenplay by Marion Hargrove. She was just excited because she's like, oh, I'm writing my own name so much.

[Brett Morris]

I think that sounds fake. Yeah, it sounds like a pen name.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Interesting. Maybe it was Steven Soderbergh.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, was he alive?

[Scott Aukerman]

Produced and directed by some guy. I didn't turn back in time to see it. Okay, so now we're seeing, oh, this guy. This guy. Now, he's a train conductor. From everything I've gathered. This guy has a big suitcase.

[Brett Morris]

Rude.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they're hurrying to get on this train. That guy did not try to get on. It was like he arrived a little too early. And they shut the door and he was like, oh, better slow down.

[Brett Morris]

He's a coward.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so this is a train car, obviously. And there's a bunch of people gambling, so, you know, they're up to no good. These are traveling salesmen.

[Brett Morris]

Anvil salesman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, this is a fun bit of business, as I recall, an anvil salesman. He has one anvil and it's in his case, and anytime he puts it down, there's a big clanging sound.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's pretty funny.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is funny. This is the first song.

[Brett Morris]

It's the first rap song.

[Scott Aukerman]

This predated I believe. Rapper's Delight. Did it not?

[Brett Morris]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

The fancy goods for the soft goods.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

People don't say that they were any more.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cache case. Pickles in the flypaper. Why? Why is he asking? What do you talk? Do you think. Have you ever been able to ascertain that?

[Brett Morris]

I think that was an expression back then. What do you talk when instead of. Because it was rude to say what you have to say. What do you talk.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you talk? What do you talk?

[Brett Morris]

By the way, it's before the word saying was invented.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, what are you saying is how it became. I have a theory, and we're going to hear a lot of old slang terms.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I got some theories, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

My theory is that slang is all popularized by time travelers who already know the slang because it's too hard to come up with slang terms and have them be popular. So time travelers go back in time with the slang that already is popular, and then they start it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You talking about the bootstrap theory?

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you know what that is?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't. I don't know why you glanced at your watch, by the way, in the middle of asking me that, timing your answer.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The bootstrap theory.

[Scott Aukerman]

These guys are gonna kiss, by the.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Way, is the idea of somebody traveling back way to time and inventing the bootstrap. That we've always had the bootstrap, but then we didn't have it until somebody. I can't remember.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. And what is a bootstrap? Is that the thing you get your boots on with or the thing you hit people with? That is on a boot. Like you spank naughty little boys and girls with?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What does it have to do with a boot?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it's like a big strap that, like, hangs off your boot.

[Brett Morris]

Hangs off the boot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which is it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I want you to guess that. I'll tell you if you're right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have no idea. These guys are all traveling salespeople, and they work this route. They are men. They all happen to be men.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You don't have to be inclusive here.

[Scott Aukerman]

They happen to be men, but they were hired on merit. Merit. That's right.

[Brett Morris]

And all these white men were hired on merit.

[Scott Aukerman]

These are all traveling salespeople. And they must be fun to choreograph this. Like you're all gonna fall when I count to three. And then they all do.

[Brett Morris]

That's exactly what happened.

[Scott Aukerman]

Uh oh.

[Brett Morris]

Cigarettes are illegal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you imagine cigarettes being illegal anywhere in bars?

[Brett Morris]

That's one I can imagine.

[Scott Aukerman]

So they're talking about this traveling salesperson who's a con man. Tarn feathers.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Tarn feather, of course, is a form of execution.

[Scott Aukerman]

Without a jury.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. You only want it. What if we just do this ourselves? Because it's a lot of trouble to go through.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now this guy's really pissed, furious. Obviously he's saying that this guy Harold Hill doesn't know anything about music.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is not really how you do a watch along, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I figure people aren't really watching the movie, they're just listening. Listening to us. So we need to explain it a little bit.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What do I mean, do we?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean, in order for us to settle this argument, we need to encapsulate what they're talking about.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, maybe he's talking about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Oh, he's talking about neck bowed. Hawkeyes. Oh, this is the guy they were talking about.

[Brett Morris]

Got him.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they're all like, what the hell?

[Brett Morris]

So long, idiots.

[Scott Aukerman]

Meanwhile, none of them ever think to get off the train. This guy's gonna throw his hat down on the ground.

[Brett Morris]

Those hats are very fragile. You shouldn't throw them on the ground.

[Scott Aukerman]

You should at the very least, like, wave it a little bit at him.

[Brett Morris]

This is a great song about how Iowa hates people.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now here's a dog in a movie, which I think this is the first time there's ever been a dog.

[Brett Morris]

That's a horse.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, there's a buck up there. Oh, wait, that's a horse. Okay, got it. I've never seen one of those before. Actually, I saw two on the way here. I didn't know what they were.

[Brett Morris]

Why did you. Oh, there you go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, why did you. Oh, now this guy is like massaging his lettuce for some reason. He's like pretending to like, there's another dog back there. This film is dog crazy. Okay, so this is a pool table, which were tables that where people used to swim.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you kidding right now? Look, don't, don't confuse. The pool table is very important to the story.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now this is like, you fucking got him. Okay, where do I find a bad hotel then? If you're going to be such a fucking asshole about this, by the way, why is try the Palmer House in Chicago still up on the screen? It's like everyone is saying this to him. Okay, now this is a classic undertaker guy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, he just stands out in front waiting for people to die.

[Scott Aukerman]

Waiting for like people to bring out pistols at high noon.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Or maybe he waits for them to bring in corpses and he gets the door for them because it's, you know, It's a handful.

[Scott Aukerman]

If I were an undertaker, I wouldn't dress up every day and just stand there. I would wait until I hear someone's dead, then I would put on the suit. I just sit around my underwear all day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think it's like you. If you do it, then it's like it hurries the hastes the process.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right, Got it. Shoulder attitude. Now, this woman famously couldn't sing at all.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, is this.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a friend of the director, I guess.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is it our issue that the voices are not syncing with the sound?

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I think this is the mo.

[Brett Morris]

Are you sure?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is a. This seems like a big fig to be.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, this guy's kind. I think once they actually start talking. Yeah, see, we're synced back up. I think this is the movie. Like, it was so hard to do back then. They didn't know how to do it, by God. Stubborn.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The whole town came out to yell at this guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like to think that the town was already there and that yelling at them was just kind of a byproduct of their. The constitutionals they were already taking.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What are you talking about?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. Just trying to fill time. Two and a half hours.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so these guys. These guys, they got sued for copyright infringement by the painter.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. Grant Wood.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they had to leave the business, apparently.

[Brett Morris]

The famous case.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

It was just those two actors.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep. This scene took about a month to choreograph. They had to stop down production to choreograph that because of the lawsuit. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So the choreography is basically everybody getting a big crowd.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Now, a livery stable, we don't have these much anymore, but this is a place that horses. It's like a hotel for horses.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And it smells like liver, which is why they call it livery stable.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it always did, which is why it's stable.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And so now I know the question on everyone's mind is like, does Harold Hill have friends? He's. He can't possibly have friends, can he? This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs. Oh, boy. We're having entrepreneurs back on the show and they are going to use it. It helps entrepreneurs stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or you're managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms. You can get 10% off your first purchase of a website or [e-mail] Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. With Squarespace, onboarding is fast and simple. Get started in just a few clicks of the Dear mouse, my dear boy, and start receiving payments right away. Plus, give your customers more ways to pay with popular payment methods like and Here We Go with them. They're going to sound made up, but maybe you know what they are. Klarna Achievement Direct Debit in the us Apple Pay Afterpay in the US and Canada and Clearpay in the uk. Squarespace. Look, what do I need to say about them? We've been using them now for it feels like I know it's over a decade. I think we did all the earwolf websites with Squarespace. They're the best. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you are Ready to launch squarespace.com Bang Bang will save you 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Thanks Squarespace. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What do you want your 2025 story to be? Every January brings you 365 blank pages just waiting to be filled with all of your adventures and exploits in 2025. Maybe you're ready for a plot twist. Maybe there's part of your story that you've been wanting to revise. We're keeping this metaphor going. Well, life isn't about resolutions that fade by February. It's about picking up the and becoming the author of your own life. Think of therapy as your editorial partner, helping you write new chapters and create the meaningful story that you deserve to live. BetterHelp will help you do this. It's entirely online. It makes therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Oh, like Mr. Worldwide. I hope Pitbull is one of them. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties easily switch therapists anytime at no additional cost. Write your story with better help. Visit betterhelp.com Bang Bang to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp h-lp.com Bang Bang we all like to be flexible, don't we? That's why we take yoga every single day, right? Five hours a day. Well, well, flexibility is great, but what about when and how you get tasks done? Well, flexibility in your workday means you can decide when and where to invest your time with stamps.com tedious tasks like sending certified mail that's really hard to say. Tedious tasks like sending certified mail, invoices, checks or documents and packages, all of this can be done on your time, not someone else's. Stamps.com handles all your mailing and shipping needs wherever, whenever. Access all the USPS and UPS services you need to run your business right from your computer or phone anytime, day or night. No lines, no traffic, no waiting. Stamps.com, they've been one of our super sponsors for the past decade. We use them so much, especially in the early days of Earwolf. We mailed everything. We mailed podcasts to peoplewithstamps.com have more flexibility in your life with stamps. Did I say staps? It's stamps.com. sign [e-mail] and use code Bang Bang for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com code bang bang.

[Brett Morris]

Marcellus Marcel's Foxburn.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a. Now is that a bit of business with the horse that they've trained the horse to do, do you think? Or is that Buddy Hackett just knowing his comedic Persona so well?

[Brett Morris]

It seemed like Buddy was just reacting in the moment. Yeah, the horse, like, you touched my tail.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now Buddy Hackett. I don't recall Buddy. Buddy Hackett used to be a con person too. Yeah, con man. I'll just say con man. So he. He moved here.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, they used to run games together.

[Scott Aukerman]

They were in gangs.

[Brett Morris]

They used to run games together.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought they were in the Bloods and the Cribs simultaneously.

[Brett Morris]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this guy basically gives it all up to. For Ethel Tothenmire.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

For love.

[Scott Aukerman]

For love. That's nice.

[Brett Morris]

But you're skeptical because of the name.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I think when a writer chooses a name, it's for a purpose. And the name. Ethel Toffenmayer.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What do you think about the Pest house? They don't have Pest houses much anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, they don't where basically people would go to bother people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, it's sick people. They put the short for Pestilence.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Yeah. I wouldn't want to be right across the street from the Pest house.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Then you want to be in it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Those are my two choices.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yep. What's it gonna be? You gotta be honest. There you go. That's right, you will.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Now this lady, it's the mayor's wife, she was in the running to be I Love Lucy for a bit because of her hair.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

For a bit. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

They were replacing Lucille Ball in The third season, I remember.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, they were replacing Lucille Ball. What happened?

[Scott Aukerman]

Lucille Ball, she had too many abortions.

[Brett Morris]

How many?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Too many. There's a definite answer, by the way, if you want to know.

[Brett Morris]

I'd like to know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, now this is Shirley Jones, who people would know from the Partridge Family, which was a 60s television show, maybe from Elmer Gantry. It's a good point. 60s television show regarding a family band.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That would travel. Would they travel around the country or were they stationary? I've never seen an episode of the Partridge Family.

[Brett Morris]

I mean, they had a big bus, but they did seem to mostly stay in the same place.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, because they weren't in Incredible Hulk, where they would go around town.

[Brett Morris]

They weren't solving well. I mean, they would turn into monsters, but they didn't solve crimes.

[Scott Aukerman]

They were self involved monsters.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

If they all got angry at the exact same time, they would turn into me green monsters.

[Scott Aukerman]

So she's a woman who is the caretaker of these books in a way. And this is the song Pick a little, talk a little. Which will come into play a little later. So now this is very important. The billiard parlor.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. The Please all billiard parlor. And he's trying to figure out an angle. How can I fleece these people?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think he already has his angle.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, he's got his angle, but he's like, how do I get into it?

[Scott Aukerman]

What's my angle?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How do I get them all fucking nuts?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Now is this how beautiful.

[Brett Morris]

Hat band. I'm buddy. Look at that. That's nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this how a con man would. Would dress? Or is this more ostentatious than everyone else is? I guess my question, is he like, is this a showbiz outfit?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like, is he sort of like a dandy?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Is he like, oh, I dress this way because these are my showbiz clothes, or is this just like how everyone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Would dress back in that era?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And by the way, when is this set? Is this the future or do you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Think it's the future?

[Scott Aukerman]

It could be the future Star. Star Wars. You think it's the future? It ends up being a long time ago.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, but they tell you that at the beginning.

[Scott Aukerman]

Should this have had a Star wars type crawl?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, every movie should.

[Brett Morris]

It would be helpful, I'm not gonna lie.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's he eating, by the way?

[Brett Morris]

I think he's eating like sunflower seeds or something.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sunflower seeds? Maybe pistachios.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, maybe pistachios.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a fun word for you to say.

[Brett Morris]

Pistachio.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now the sink is out of sync again. But it must be very hard for Robert Preston to like. He basically just talk, sings. Does he ever even sing a note?

[Brett Morris]

I say I'm almost mighty proud to say it I consider the hours I.

[Scott Aukerman]

Spent my hand are golden and a.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Cool head and a keen eye.

[Brett Morris]

From a three rebellion shot.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But just as I say it takes judgment. Brains of maturity score at any bulk like game. I say that any booze can take.

[Brett Morris]

And shove a ball in a pocket. And I call that sloth the first big step on the road to the depths of Dagwood. Say first but this little wine from a teaspoon, that beer from a bottle.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And the next thing you know your son is playing for money in a pitchback suit. And listen to some big out of town Jasper here tell about horse race gambling.

[Brett Morris]

Not a wholesome trout race though, but a race whether it's a rider or the horse.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like to see some stuck up jockey boy sitting on damn patch making blood boil. Well, I should say.

[Brett Morris]

Now friends, let me tell you what I mean. You got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 pockets on the table. Pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a mom with a capital.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

B that rhymes with P. That stands for pool.

[Brett Morris]

And all week long you've ever seen a used to be frittering away. Say, your young better be frittering, frittering away there noon time, simple time, chore.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Time two get the ball in the pocket. Never mind getting dandelions pulled or the screen door patch and the beef stick pounded.

[Brett Morris]

Never mind pumping anyone until your parents are caught with a sister and empty on a Saturday night. And that's trouble. Yes, we got lots and lots of trouble. I'm thinking of the kids in the liquor park. Suretail young one speaking of the blue owl widow after school.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You got trouble folks right here in River City. Trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P. That stands for pool.

[Brett Morris]

No, I know all you folks are the right kind of parents. I'm gonna be perfectly frank. Would you like to know what kind of conversation goes on while they're loafing around that hall? They're trying out Bebo, trying out Cubans, tryin out tailormades like cigarette fiends.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And bragging all about how they gotta.

[Brett Morris]

Cover up and tell till breath when sends in. One fine night they leave the ball headed for the dance at the armory.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Libertine men and scarlet women and ragtime.

[Brett Morris]

Shameless music that'll grab your son, your daughter with the arms of a jungle animal instinct.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Masteria friends The Isle brain is the devil's playground Trouble right here in River.

[Brett Morris]

City with a capital C that rhymes with P that stands for pool We've.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Surely got trouble right here, River City.

[Brett Morris]

Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school Mothers of River City, heed the warning before it's too late Watch for the telltale sign of corruption the moment your son.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Leaves the house does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee?

[Brett Morris]

Is there a Nicky stare in his next finger? An iron novel hidden in a corn crib?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is he starting to memorize jokes from.

[Brett Morris]

Cap Billy's whiz bag? Are certain words creeping into his conversation? Words like, like swell Aha. And so is your old man hello.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

My friends, you got trouble right here.

[Brett Morris]

River City with a capital T that rhymes with P that stands for pool.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We've surely got trouble right here at.

[Brett Morris]

River City Remember the main Plymouth Rock and the golden rule oh, we got.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Trouble we're in terrible, terrible trouble that game with the 15 number balls is.

[Brett Morris]

Devil'S tool oh, yes, we got trouble.

[Scott Aukerman]

Trouble, trouble we got trouble Big big We got big big with a T.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That rhymes with P that rhymes with.

[Scott Aukerman]

P that stands for pool Stands for.

[Brett Morris]

Pool Because I passed this way but.

[Scott Aukerman]

Once Ah, that's so well done. I love the duet version of that song, by the way. It was between the two of you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It was fun to do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you guys rehearse that or.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, we're just both big fans.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're just singing at him now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Buddy Hackett is playing an invisible piano.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here. Which is a big plot point.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's the signal for the music teacher. Not, you know, I never put it together.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's one invisible piano in the town.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, there's two, because Harold Hill also plays invisible piano.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, but he brought it there.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So he brought one. And there was already one.

[Scott Aukerman]

And there was already one. Yeah, exactly. So now the laws of the town are there can only be one invisible piano because there would be too many people tripping over things.

[Brett Morris]

That's right. The outlawed cigarettes and invisible piano is all but one.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this is a big plot point that's going to come up a little later.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now she's got him kind of a old maid character, sort of akin to a Donna Reed because she had glasses on before. Now this piano is visible to the eye, which is how pianos normally are.

[Brett Morris]

This lady is named Pert Kelton, and she is the second most famous pert. The first being the shampoo.

[Scott Aukerman]

And do you think any of These people are still alive.

[Brett Morris]

Good question. Maybe that little girl.

[Scott Aukerman]

She could be, because Zuzu from It's Wonderful Life is still alive. She's still with tabs on her private investigation every year.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's not just that. You look it up. You have somebody following her.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this is her mother who.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is she so interested in the suitcase aspect?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She wants her daughter to get laid. Suitcase means she has clothes, but when.

[Scott Aukerman]

You get laid, you take them all off. It doesn't make sense.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She's got a place to put them.

[Scott Aukerman]

This movie doesn't make sense. Oh, Amaryllis. Now, someone says Amaryllis later, right?

[Brett Morris]

No spoilers. But if somebody does say I'm a realist later.

[Scott Aukerman]

So she's supposed to be probably first generation immigrant from Ireland, perhaps. And meanwhile, Shirley Jones is a lot like second generation where she doesn't have the accent.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, she would be. First generation implies the first generation to be born in the country.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so Shirley's first generation.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then Amaryllis, who knows what her story is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She's from parts unknown. It's a very mysterious character, Amaryllis. Nobody ever says where she's from.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. And does at the end? She floats up into space, doesn't she?

[Brett Morris]

But yeah, like there's a big light that comes down. And then Amaryllis says, now I must return to my people. I don't know if it's on this version.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. If you're not going to make it.

[Brett Morris]

To the end, I hope you're watching the right version.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's the extended cut, right?

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's just that this was the first movie. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Studio hated it.

[Scott Aukerman]

They really had a problem syncing the. The lips to the. To the lyrics back then.

[Brett Morris]

I mean, could this really have been how people saw the theaters?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think so. I think. Well, back in the theaters it was, you know, at a different frame rate and, you know, with like flickering lights and stuff. So no one noticed any of this shit. Plus, people were just generally dumb.

[Brett Morris]

Everybody's smoking. There's so much. So much haze of cigarette smoke nobody could see.

[Scott Aukerman]

No one cared about any of this kind of stuff. They were just like, oh, hey, is that thing. Oh, wait a minute.

[Brett Morris]

There he is, the star of Eat My Dust. Brian, look at another dog.

[Scott Aukerman]

Winthrop is this guy's name. Now, he is more commonly known these days. He's Mork.

[Brett Morris]

No, a different guy with Mork.

[Scott Aukerman]

But he met Mork. You have to agree about that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I do agree.

[Brett Morris]

He met Mork.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you've never seen Ron Howard meet.

[Brett Morris]

Mork, that is supposed to be an item. Like, she's got a little crush on him, but he looks like a baby. She looks like she's 12 years old. He looks like he's 4.

[Scott Aukerman]

He. He looks.

[Brett Morris]

We've got a little lisp. You shouldn't make fun of the way people talk.

[Scott Aukerman]

I shouldn't.

[Brett Morris]

Nobody should.

[Scott Aukerman]

No one should. Oh, so. So this is.

[Brett Morris]

I guess I'm wrong.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who's the sister of who?

[Brett Morris]

Oh, wait, no. Rod Howard is the sister of Shirley Jones.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Brett Morris]

So he must have been a surprise.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the way, I think the backstory to this is Shirley Jones had. Was. Is actually the mother of Winthrop, but lies to him to say, Right. I'm not your mother.

[Brett Morris]

Jack Nicholson.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Jack Nicholson would lie to everyone.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah. He say, my mother's my sister. He said, we got to put that in a movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's so hilarious, this prank I'm playing.

[Brett Morris]

Jack. Do you mind if we use that for a movie?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the first hug in cinema history.

[Brett Morris]

First female to female hug.

[Scott Aukerman]

FF F2F. I don't give a what you do.

[Brett Morris]

That's a great question.

[Scott Aukerman]

This has never come up in my relationships.

[Brett Morris]

Really? You get. You better check with your girlfriend. Ask her if she ever said good night to other evening star.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is the evening star?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think it's like Jupiter north.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, is it Jupiter? Really?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

You ever been to Jupiter?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What do you.

[Brett Morris]

Are you asking both of us?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've never been to Jupiter.

[Brett Morris]

Nor me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I mean, there's so much music in this film.

[Brett Morris]

Look, even then you could take a good picture of the moon.

[Scott Aukerman]

So much music in this film. She should be considered the music woman. Almost Amaryllis. Either of them.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, it's a lovely song. When do they. Do you think they perfected sinking technology.

[Scott Aukerman]

For Dunkirk? Maybe because the boat sank.

[Brett Morris]

That's the most famous boat sinking movie you could think.

[Scott Aukerman]

Probably.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Nothing beats it.

[Scott Aukerman]

So at this point, we haven't seen anything or we've talked over it regarding our arguments. Is that right?

[Brett Morris]

My fear is that we did talk over some of what would have explained it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so just for the listener, our general difference of opinion is that I'm of the opinion that Harold Hill, the con man in question, takes money for.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The digitally music band.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. Takes money from these rubes for not only his time and his lessons, but also also for uniforms and instruments which he then purchases. And they arrive on the Wells Fargo wagon and at a markup, he steals money from them, even on that score. But the instruments do arrive in order to solidify the fact that he is an actual music man.

[Brett Morris]

See, now I remember the argument as. Could people figure out how to order things from a catalog? I say yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that we'll ever be able to figure out that just from watching this movie, but yes.

[Brett Morris]

And I was thinking.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I was thinking this as well, for what I understand. We both think of the same thing.

[Brett Morris]

Yes. That they. He doesn't do anything except teach. Yeah. To fake teach. And he gets them to get all this. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right, Right. I think the argument shouldn't say shit. It's okay. Bing. Podcasting. The FCC is not involved here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You can fuck a curse if you want.

[Scott Aukerman]

I believe the argument started on my end as. Is it illegal if something comes true.

[Brett Morris]

Now that we never had a disagreement about. Wait, let's talk about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Because this was my original point is. He ends up teaching them music.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah. They get everything that he promised.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. So should it be illegal what he was doing?

[Brett Morris]

Look, he's like, look at these fucking people.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is fun to curse if this happened. If you were to.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That reminds me of BioShock Infinite.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you a gamer?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Like Chuck Blondie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you came across this in your life, this would be the most insane thing you'd ever witnessed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, I. I'd. I'd be running right out of there.

[Scott Aukerman]

But this just seems like Tuesday to them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, this. They do this all the time.

[Brett Morris]

Just simpler time.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I guess back then there was. There weren't video games, Dr. Blondie, and there. There wasn't anything to do. They could have just sat there staring at the wall all day, or they could do stuff like this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is when they developed the idea of looking at clouds and trying to figure out shapes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. And stars, going like, oh, that's a hunter. Oh, really? No, it's not. Have you ever tried to figure out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They did a bad job with those.

[Scott Aukerman]

I gotta say, like, maybe the Big Dipper. You can kind of go like, all right, I see how that could be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's the one. That is. The rest of. I never saw, like, a guy fighting a bear up there or whatever.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on, come on, get the fuck out of here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Get the out of here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Isn't this a recurring thing? He goes. He starts going into four squares, constantly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Tries to do the Gettysburg Address.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wasn't that a curb your enthusiasm plot point? This was Larry David trying to memorize the Gettysburg Address.

[Brett Morris]

I don't know. Why would he be doing that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because it was posted above the urinal at his golf club or something.

[Brett Morris]

In any case, that's three quarters of the Buffalo Bills that are sitting on the stage.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, this guy has a Larry David sort of thing.

[Brett Morris]

This guy here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, he's bald.

[Brett Morris]

Ding. He still got some combo restraints.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought you were saying ding like I got it right.

[Brett Morris]

Dang. Oh, there's Amaryllis.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, this is Lauren Boebert's daughter. Apparently this is political as I get, folks.

[Brett Morris]

This doesn't hold up super great.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it's, it is the kind of thing they would have done. People are too sensitive and all I'm looking for is truth in cinema.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is a tribute. People shouldn't be mad.

[Brett Morris]

Look at that gigantic cartoon firecracker.

[Scott Aukerman]

I bet it, it was delivered as an actual real size firecracker and the director was like, that's not going to read. Got to be bigger. Now if you actually were. Everyone saw it. If you actually were to set a firecracker off underneath someone, everyone saw it. Well, you're not me, so I'm gonna leave. It's easy to get out of these types of situations. Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders say no. Apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. If approved applications are typically funded the next business day or sooner. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by Netcredit application subject to review and approval. Learn [e-mail] partners. NetCredit credit to the people. Spectrum Business knows that small business owners put in the work. It's unlimited hours, unlimited effort and unlimited passion, all to unlock the unlimited potential of your business. Get fast, reliable Internet, advanced WI fi with security shield and an unlimited mobile line. All only $49.99 a month. Learn how Spectrum Business can connect your business to unlimited [e-mail] business. It's your business made limitless. That's Life Unlimited. That's Spectrum Business. Restrictions apply often not available in all areas. ABC Wednesdays Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears. Dad, hi. And I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So a couple of days when his daughter moves back in.

[Brett Morris]

The last time you walked out that door, he looked back at me and.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Gave me a double bird.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was 18. The double bird was how I ended all our conversations. The wheels come off and we try to talk to each other like rational adults.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Have you watched the news lately?

[Brett Morris]

That's not a thing anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

New Wednesdays, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We'll recover.

[Scott Aukerman]

The undertaker is bummed. I got dressed up for this.

[Brett Morris]

Kicking a rock.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like that he tries to. Tries to rush into it after he already sees it. I love character actors from this era. Just.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, they were good.

[Scott Aukerman]

So good at time type timing.

[Brett Morris]

Time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hahaha. So now are these guys in the reality of this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are they friends who sing together or do they, in musical fashion, start singing together?

[Brett Morris]

Not yet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yet. Not yet.

[Brett Morris]

They despise each other.

[Scott Aukerman]

They despise each other. Now Harold Hill's up to something.

[Brett Morris]

Mary Wicks.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is how easy it is to.

[Brett Morris]

You got them all riled up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get people riled up back then is you would just like shout something.

[Brett Morris]

It's got this gorgeous reversible jacket. That old man was somebody, but I can't remember who.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everything should be reversible, shouldn't it?

[Brett Morris]

Everything. Clothes, laws, cars, rights.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Brett Morris]

Watch what he does with the hat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you think this is Robert Preston's real hair?

[Brett Morris]

Oh, yeah, I think so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Real color? Doubt it.

[Brett Morris]

He's a young guy then. I mean, youngish.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's only 60. Every song he sings is so well done.

[Brett Morris]

It really.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was like.

[Brett Morris]

He was terrific.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you were to even write one of these, you would probably say, like. Like, I'm a genius.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's always interesting to me where you get these, you know, movie adaptations of a musical and they get like. Some people, it's like, we gotta get him. He's the only one that could play this part.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And everybody else are like, yeah, let's get somebody else.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So he originates this role. Right. But the lady who originated the role.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Who was it on. On Broadway?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I can't remember.

[Scott Aukerman]

But none of us remember.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a name you'd know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Well, you. Why are you contemptuous of me knowing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Something that's not contemptuous.

[Brett Morris]

It did sound contemptuous.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let's not gang up on Dr. Bilblotti.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right? Does he talk about the instruments and buying them in this? Do you think I'm gonna buy?

[Brett Morris]

I provide the instruments and I keep the money.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is too many instruments he's describing, isn't it? There's not even this many people in the town.

[Brett Morris]

I think it's that you promise big knowing that you're gonna have to scale it under deliver. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what you wanna do as a con man.

[Brett Morris]

So you make it sound like, oh, we're gonna get 76 trombones. And they say we don't have that many people, like, oh, okay, I see. So now it seems reasonable, right? There is too many trombones.

[Scott Aukerman]

76 euphoniums, too. This is one of the strange, like, cuts to the. Almost the exact same angle that movies back then would do.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, I was watching It's a Wonderful Life recently, Christmas Eve. Why am I sure? Why am I obfuscating? But several scenes, they just cut to the exact same angle. Almost like.

[Brett Morris]

Like they widen out or something.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no. They just. Like, in the middle of a scene, someone's talking, and then there's a cut to another take that's in the exact same angle.

[Brett Morris]

I'm having a hard time picturing what you're talking about.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, like, say, you could notice a cut because everyone's positions changed. But it was the exact same frame and the exact same.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Was that maybe a bad print of the movie?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. Was something cut out of Its Wonderful Life? I don't know. But there were just scenes. This is on NBC. I would think they would have the best print available. Who gives a shit?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There was a cannibalism sort of dream sequence in It's a Wonderful Life.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Where George Bailey briefly wonders, would it be better if people had eaten me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Instead of the not existing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. And then he dreams it and it's gross. So that he goes, I'll just kill myself.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, they're on board with this idea immediately.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And look how talented everybody is.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like, why didn't they start this before? And then this guy who's setting off firecrackers just not five minutes ago, he needed a purpose. He's like, oh, my God, what if I were to do the craziest dances while I did the Princess Leia? Wow.

[Brett Morris]

That's where that hairstyle came from.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This sort of makes me think, like, they're not on board yet because, like, they're making fun of the idea of marching bands. It's like this. It's all sarcastic.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the first dance that's been sarcastic in a musical. How fun to be in something like this, though, you know?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Indeed. I bet they had a great time. I bet they all slept with each other.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone's just having sex with each other.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He got struck by music, but he's fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so this guy is like, check this out. I've been taking lessons.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Speaking of It's a Wonderful Life, the sheriff guy in the hat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, he was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wonderful Life.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. He's the guy who's always Adding up numbers.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This young man is gonna go work for George Bailey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you ever say anything like that to your boss?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

My boss?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You mean at the Mayo Clinic?

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, hey, you're not smart enough. I'm going to go work for someone else. But please continue to pay me while.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I. I mean, I would say that under my breath.

[Brett Morris]

That's probably a good policy.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now we cut outside. A little movie making, movie magic trivia. Inside when they were filming what is supposed to be inside, that's actually outside? And then when they're filming outside, right here. This is actually inside.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. They shot inside for outside on this.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a term filmmaker. Inside for outside. Hey, idiots. Go out and join them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You couldn't find his actual sailor hat.

[Scott Aukerman]

This guy is so into the idea just to dance like this. Throwing one hand up in the air. I love it so much. Then this guy just waving his. Whatever it is, baton. I mean, this here's my opinion about Harold Hill. This is already so fun.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They were at the meeting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Really? This is already so fun for everyone. They should just pay him what he wants.

[Brett Morris]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like sunk costs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. They go to a meeting once a week. Some boring ass meeting. They're like, okay, how do you think he gets all whipped up?

[Scott Aukerman]

Just pay him for that. This is incredible.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, look, even people that weren't at the meeting are excited. Like, what's going on?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We're doing an imaginary parade.

[Brett Morris]

Let me in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Meanwhile, Robert Preston throws his baton up in the air and gets off camera immediately so it doesn't have to dance anymore.

[Brett Morris]

Well, that's true. Oh, I do love Peckhorns.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

I hate Estherville.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is great. He's already, like, on board and talking about how great they are.

[Brett Morris]

And then she's like, you idiot.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've been a music teacher here for the last 30 years.

[Brett Morris]

I have one student.

[Scott Aukerman]

God, she's a bummer. What is he talking about? Right there.

[Brett Morris]

A wrestling match.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Strangler wrestler called the Strangler. Call yourself the wrestler?

[Brett Morris]

My silly shoulder. Strangling.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so they're gonna arrest him.

[Brett Morris]

Well, not gonna arrest him yet. They want to know his credentials.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is also a point of contention between us during our argument is if someone's put in cuffs. Have they been arrested? I say not yet.

[Brett Morris]

I contend that they are under arrest.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think that they're being detained and they're not under arrest.

[Brett Morris]

What is the difference to you?

[Scott Aukerman]

One can be detained for questioning without being. Without charges being filed.

[Brett Morris]

But they don't put handcuffs on you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure they do.

[Brett Morris]

No, that's. You're arrested.

[Scott Aukerman]

Handcuffs. If you ever have handcuffs on you in a non sexual manner, that means you've been arrested. No people can you ever. These cops by the side of the road, they'll put handcuffs on you for anything. Then they let you go.

[Brett Morris]

When does that happen?

[Scott Aukerman]

You ever see people sitting by the side of the road with their hands behind their back, looking glum as hell?

[Brett Morris]

The cop just. I'm just gonna put haircuts on you for a little bit.

[Scott Aukerman]

It happens.

[Brett Morris]

You're not arrest.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm putting haircuts on you while I run your stuff. All right, so everyone. Okay, here he goes. Oh, yeah. She says you gods.

[Brett Morris]

That's your catchphrase?

[Scott Aukerman]

They're saying liberry a lot. Aren't they?

[Brett Morris]

As folky?

[Scott Aukerman]

So he's basically saying like, okay, here's how we get our juvenile delinquents not to be juvenile delinquents if they have sex with Oliver.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Honestly, it's a great plan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Uh oh. What now? This is an eclipse.

[Brett Morris]

What's the space?

[Scott Aukerman]

So now this is a time jump. This now takes place five years in the future.

[Brett Morris]

Wow, five years. Are you sure? Across the creek from the Pest house.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here he is.

[Brett Morris]

It's a gorgeous jacket.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everything about his whole thing. I would. I wouldn't mind if people started dressing like this every day again.

[Brett Morris]

I think it would be nice to see some gentlemen.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if we had one day where everyone just had to dress like this? It was compulsory.

[Brett Morris]

Okay, here's a school board wants his credentials. How does he get out of it? He listens to their ridiculous voices.

[Scott Aukerman]

Say ice cream.

[Brett Morris]

It's brilliant theory.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love this so much. He just knows what parts they'll all be singing by their personalities.

[Brett Morris]

See?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, guess what, lady. Ice cream.

[Brett Morris]

Ice cream. What if that was the only song they ever sang again?

[Scott Aukerman]

Walked around for the next 10 years. They're just ice cream. Could you stop? This is gorgeous. Now this guy I know. Yeah, this guy. Paul F. Tompkins and Doug Benson and I and one other person. I think There was talk 25 years ago of us learning how to do barbershop quartet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Really? Do you think Ms. Paul F. Tompkins remembers that at all?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. I'm sure Doug Benson does.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And you can't remember who the fourth person was?

[Scott Aukerman]

Can't remember. But. But there was like kind of a push for, hey, let's go take lessons so we can walk around doing this. Wouldn't that be great?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, somebody should. Yeah, you Know, once I went down a YouTube hole looking at a barbershop quartet stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's pretty wild.

[Scott Aukerman]

The outfits or the singing?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The singing. The outfit's actually not that interesting. Yeah, they got to keep it business casual sometimes. You know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, I think it's interesting that the band Weezer all took barbershop quartet lessons and that comes out in their harmonies.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is that true?

[Scott Aukerman]

It is true, yes.

[Brett Morris]

But, like, they took them independently of each other, and then they were like, hey, hey. Like these guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think that was part of, like. I don't know if it was River Cuomo making them do it, but he was like, we all have to learn how to do barbershop harmonies. And so a lot of their harmonies are based on those. Like, barbershop.

[Brett Morris]

How come more barbershop quartets don't do Weezer songs?

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't they take rock and roll lessons? All right, so so far, we have not seen any evidence regarding either of our theories.

[Brett Morris]

No. I do have a real, real fear that we missed it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think we may, because I think.

[Brett Morris]

He explains to Buddy Hackett what his scam is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Should we call Buddy?

[Brett Morris]

Do you know him?

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's get him on the Horde. Maybe he'll fill us in.

[Brett Morris]

Is he for sure still alive?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think he is.

[Brett Morris]

I don't think that he is.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now he is probably. How old is he?

[Brett Morris]

Oh, I thought he's going to go to space again.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's 55. She's probably 25. This is respectful.

[Brett Morris]

I want to know how old he was because he.

[Scott Aukerman]

You think he's young?

[Brett Morris]

You think he's younger than we think?

[Scott Aukerman]

Probably everyone had hard living back then.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Back then. This guy, he could be 26 years old. That guy could be a baby poof.

[Scott Aukerman]

So he's lying here. This is part of his scam.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So he does know a little bit about music because he heard the enemies.

[Scott Aukerman]

He knows the. The term perfect pitch.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which, to be fair, he could have picked up at a baseball game.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's really true.

[Scott Aukerman]

Meanwhile, Buddy Hackett is, like, getting involved in this scam for some reason. Even though he's gone straight, he misses the life. They call this scatting. It's not scatting. Scatting is sweet. Beep, whoop. I'm trying to do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Zapped away.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's 44 years old.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He dogs, she dogs. 44 years old.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so we sort of split the difference here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, here we go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, here we go. And instruction books. Oh, this is very important. Oh, wow. Okay. So he's added. What did he say? Uniforms. So he. He's saying he is buying the uniforms. Can we agree now on that?

[Brett Morris]

Well, he meant. He said by the time uniforms arrive.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I think before that, that he was saying, oh, we've added uniforms. But you're right. They've never said. He's never said. Oh, you're. You're the person purchasing this. I feel like it's implied, but we'll still.

[Brett Morris]

It still might come up. They can't just imply it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Avis grub. Can you imagine being cast in this? Like, hey, we need a bunch of ugly old ladies.

[Brett Morris]

I don't think that anybody said they were ugly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is he gonna try his thing on her where he's like, listen to your voice.

[Brett Morris]

See?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah, brother. Now you talk about language.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mr. Hill. Now we need even uglier ladies to come up behind.

[Brett Morris]

Come on, you're being. This is. You're not being a gentleman.

[Scott Aukerman]

This guy is good. You got to give it to him.

[Brett Morris]

Just all these gangs of women roaming the streets.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think if you're a woman and it's dark. What are you doing? Go inside.

[Brett Morris]

Is this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I thought it was like a riddle.

[Brett Morris]

If you're a woman, you're a woman in shark. What are you doing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Miss. Is it Peru? Is her name.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Brett Morris]

Peru. The famous Irish name. Peru. And then they just go crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are they talking about in this song? I've never been able to figure out. I know that they're. Yes, they're. Get it. I understand the rhythm of it, that it's a lot like a chicken, but what are. What are they supposedly talking about?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're talking about Barry the librarian.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. This all makes sense then. But when they say, pick a little, talk a little.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Ball sack, they. They set up all the slang terms, but it doesn't help. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So they're trying to say, see, this. This strengthens and bolsters my theory that her son is her. Her brother is actually her son. Son. And that this guy Madison is the father.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right. And it was a scandal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I'd rather own.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did you hear that noise?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What's going on? What's happening? What is.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think there's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What is that?

[Scott Aukerman]

There's a dog underneath, like, about knee high.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You can't see it. This is what a dog is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You can't. You can't see it in on the picture, but there's a dog running around by their feet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've never seen one in real life.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'd rather own the building than the books. Because the building and the land is going to appreciate this. Made me laugh when I was a kid. Ball sack, of course. So hilarious.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And, you know, it's also anatomically. I appreciate it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

See, they want his credentials.

[Scott Aukerman]

They want his credentials. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Here you go, Idiots.

[Scott Aukerman]

Good night, ladies. Good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're so excited. Ladies, good night ladies we're going to leave you now Farewell, ladies Farewell, ladies.

[Scott Aukerman]

Farewell, ladies We're going to leave you now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We did it.

[Scott Aukerman]

So fun.

[Brett Morris]

She really does look like an alien, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think so. It's got that oval face.

[Brett Morris]

She almost had like a Bjork quality.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's got that gray skin.

[Brett Morris]

Diamond eyes. No pupils, just black.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so this guy just hangs out with horses at any time. Okay. Does anyone care about may I or can I these days?

[Brett Morris]

Who gives a. Yeah, Sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the difference anyway? Okay? Is can considered to be vulgar? Like anyone can do something.

[Brett Morris]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're asking for permission.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah. That's the difference.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shut the up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Get the out of here.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you thinking about, you perv? So he's. He's basically heard that. That Marion. This guy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, this is where he. He slut praises. It's the opposite of slut shaming. He's slut praising.

[Scott Aukerman]

Slut praising. I love it.

[Brett Morris]

Rushing down the aisle. Go to gloriously pristine goddess. No, sir. Love. No Diana. Do I play fawn? I can tell you that right now. I. I hiss, how can ignorance be compared to bliss? I spark, I fizz for the lady who knows what time it is last year and I rave for the virtue I'm too late to save the sadder but why is the curve for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Buddy Hackett's action Boy, that's hot. That's hot.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's too good at this.

[Brett Morris]

He tickled him. Do you think the little flute guy is so excited when they mention sailors or boats? He's like, I gotta do the.

[Scott Aukerman]

I did it.

[Brett Morris]

Who do you think. Do you think there was a lot of competition for when old Spike had that. Do you remember the old commercials?

[Scott Aukerman]

How old?

[Brett Morris]

Like from the 70s. And it was like Old Spice guy. He was like, coming home from sea or whatever. And the wife was all excited.

[Scott Aukerman]

Robert Preston can barely dance. But they got him doing everything he could possibly do.

[Brett Morris]

I mean, he looks great next to Buddy Hackett.

[Scott Aukerman]

Meanwhile, they. They think a horse is applauding them. They look over, it happens to be a little girl. She totally freaks them out.

[Brett Morris]

All right, now that's important. That book.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, this, by the way, this is a very kind of Bebopy. It's like that Quincy Jones song I was singing. Maybe we could do a mashup here. Looks like. No, pretty, pretty, bro.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Look at.

[Brett Morris]

His hair is gorgeous.

[Scott Aukerman]

I had to do a show where. Where we had to do finger waves like that. And it was fun.

[Brett Morris]

The hair part?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. The show was terrible.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What was the show?

[Scott Aukerman]

It was a Rogers and Hammerstein review that I did in Sonora, California.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, boy. Why did you have to have finger waves?

[Scott Aukerman]

It was set in the 20s, maybe 30s.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you know there's. There's pills you can take to make your hair like that? That.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really, Dr. Blondie?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you prescribe them?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'll just give them to you. Want some?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hell, yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I got a pocket full. Here you go.

[Scott Aukerman]

These are loose.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yep. And that's how you'll be feeling.

[Scott Aukerman]

So he's. It's been so long since I've seen this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is he basically coming in here going like. Like, I know you, that guy. Guess what? I'll you, too.

[Brett Morris]

Because he's trying to lose her so she won't stand in his way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. So is. Is. Is. Does she have a. A bad reputation in town? Is that what it is? And no.

[Brett Morris]

Have a bad reputation.

[Scott Aukerman]

So no man would ever.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They think that she had sex with that old man. And then, you know, she's got all the books.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Do you think she pays herself a salary to do this? It's like, oh, I make $100,000 a year as a librarian.

[Brett Morris]

Maybe she does it well. How would she do that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, she. She owns.

[Brett Morris]

She paints herself. How does she. Where does the money come from? You're like trying to Harold Hilby right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Man. A whole couple of rows for just science gods.

[Brett Morris]

They're falling in love. Drama and science and history all equal.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is she supposedly writing at this point? Dear God, please get me out of this situation. So he. Okay, so he doesn't actually.

[Brett Morris]

Oh.

[Scott Aukerman]

And she's into it at this point.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, he's very charming. He's a very charming guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

So he. He views her as a means to an end. At this point. He's not actually. He doesn't mean anything. He's saying. This is a liar's song.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Exactly. But of course, you know, he's gonna end up actually in love with her.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this is part of my question.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

If it comes true, is he lying?

[Brett Morris]

Exactly. It's a great philosophical idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

If it comes true, was it a lie? But if you know that it's a lie at the time, it's a lie.

[Scott Aukerman]

So your intent plays into it.

[Brett Morris]

I think you're into. I think your intent plays into lying. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if you think you're lying and you say something that's just true? Like facts.

[Brett Morris]

Like an accident.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You accidentally like the monkeys, you know, making Shakespeare, by the way. That could never happen.

[Brett Morris]

No, of course not.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a ridiculous thought.

[Brett Morris]

They're not interested in doing that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, even if they were, I don't think they're able to.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The idea that.

[Scott Aukerman]

The idea is there's infinite.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Monkeys are going to focus so much on these typewriters. They're just typing all day.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're going to get into fights.

[Scott Aukerman]

And that's the other thing for other typewriters. Oh. If you do enough random. Like there's an infinite amount of universes, so in one of them, one of the monkeys will have accidentally, without knowledge, typed out Romeo and Juliet. It's fucking ridiculous. It could never happen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because the idea is it's an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's just stupid. Why are we even entertaining that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I'll tell you what, every single one of them would be illegible.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

There wouldn't be a single one that could.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because now they're not just going to write the words, they're also going to get the spacing correct.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who's going to go through a manuscript that a monkey wrote to make sure that they got. Or, you know. Oh, apostrophe. Er.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the other thing. Harold Hill comes into a library.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone just starts doing this.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

This guy rules. He's pay him a salary.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I have no problem with him. Anything he does.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's like basically the town. What job is it where, like, someone comes in and does a bunch of fun stuff?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The circus.

[Scott Aukerman]

These people have never done cartwheels before. They're suddenly doing cartwheels.

[Brett Morris]

She's like, I. Well, now I'm having fun. Now it's fun to dance in the library. Look, I'm. A plane. Hasn't been invented yet. My glasses.

[Scott Aukerman]

This dog, by the way, is just at their feet. You can't see it in frame. Yeah, but you hear it barking, everyone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I still can't believe that's what a dog looks like.

[Scott Aukerman]

They've cleared the frame at this point. But the dog.

[Brett Morris]

Now, that should have.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Snapped her out of it, I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. But now she's, like so into the idea of being a plague. Yeah. She's like, I'm gonna invent this. I'm gonna invent this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But Then she's gonna get to him and she's gonna be like, I don't like you, you creep. She's just gorgeous. Look how gorgeous she is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look at her outfit, too. It's like a cross between a tuxedo and.

[Brett Morris]

That's what it was like back then.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

Wait, did they regressed in age?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the most singing he does because normally he talk sings.

[Brett Morris]

That's not true. He's got a number coming up.

[Scott Aukerman]

So there was you?

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ouch. Can you imagine?

[Brett Morris]

He goes down the book elevator.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's an elevator just for books, sir.

[Brett Morris]

Mission accomplished.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love a quick fade out. Like, why? Why?

[Brett Morris]

How come he didn't go. Do you think he'll go to space again?

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope so. Where that girl's. Do you think these patterns are?

[Brett Morris]

I was just gonna say they're twinning. Yeah, that's gotta be fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you know how you're always told whenever you're on a TV show, like, no patterns.

[Brett Morris]

You may not wear a tight pattern.

[Scott Aukerman]

Guess what? They figured it out here. Why can't they on after midnight? Oh, boy. This is what doorbells were like back then. I collect doorbells. That's it. Probably is worst con.

[Brett Morris]

Oh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever considered jerking off? Oh, this is important to us.

[Brett Morris]

There we go.

[Scott Aukerman]

There we go.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Brett Morris]

Let me formally say, yes, you are right about him buying the instruments at a market up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you. Thank you, B. I will also concede.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That that seems to be the case.

[Scott Aukerman]

It seem at this point there's no confirmation, but it seems to be the case.

[Brett Morris]

Come on, Bill.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on, Bill.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I can see.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. That I'm.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now will you concede.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know what these people have.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Proven themselves able to order things from a catalog.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. All that guy did was assign something. I guess that's what ordering something from a catalog is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They have the Wells Fargo wagon.

[Scott Aukerman]

We got to wait for the Wells Fargo to really figure out this point because I can't remember if they're like the Wells Fargo wagons coming down the street and they're in awe, like they've never seen anything like it. That's why she's Irish. So he's racist is what?

[Brett Morris]

Or is he playing on other people's racism?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, boom. Dead.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, saucy.

[Scott Aukerman]

He wants to say stripe. Okay, so there's that dog who was during the dance sequence was running around that we can hear.

[Brett Morris]

They gave that dog too much leeway.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What is she on to him? I can't remember. Isn't there A part where she's like, oh, okay, yeah, this is it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She knows he's a smooth talker.

[Scott Aukerman]

There is no Gary Conservatory, you idiot.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You bog trotting peasant.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dr. Blondie.

[Brett Morris]

That's not cool. Dr. Blondie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A Shakespeare.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yana. Gary, Indiana. Gary, Indiana. You say it once again. So how does he get Ron Howard to sing Gary, Indiana just by singing it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think he makes it look so fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Little Ronnie Howard is like, I gotta get in on this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Save me a taste. Let me wet my beak.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She's having a great time.

[Scott Aukerman]

She loves it. If you could pay a guy to come over and just sing to you like this. I guess that's what singing telegrams are.

[Brett Morris]

Do you think there's no such a thing as singing telegrams?

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope so.

[Brett Morris]

Why?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd love to get one.

[Brett Morris]

Would you really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Open the door.

[Brett Morris]

Jane Wiedland is there from Clue.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would Jane Wland do it for, like, what amount of money would she go be a singing telegram?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's interesting. Like, the amount of. The amount of money. She just could not say no.

[Scott Aukerman]

She could sing one of her own songs. She could sing Blue Kiss, whatever she wants.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, you're giving her a lot of leeway.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you want her to sing what? You want her to say it's a telegram. Okay, well, I'm just saying, like, maybe she had what existed. I mean, to tell you, I love songs that end in musicals with someone falling down and going, oh, it's great. It's the perfect way to end it.

[Brett Morris]

Because people fall down in real life.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, since I tried to kiss you when you didn't want it. No, when I say his father, I mean the man who owned the library. I mean, what? This is the guy who owned the library.

[Brett Morris]

He really looked at her like he didn't understand what she meant.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is a little heavier than I remember. Screen door. Nothing I can do.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if he just tore it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I bet that would be satisfying to do. Put your fist through a screed door, whip it away.

[Scott Aukerman]

Funny for him in one of the bloopers to just go like, everyone laughs on set. You're caught. Ha. Peru. I do not remember her name being Peru. Seems fake.

[Brett Morris]

It. It does seem fake. Oh, cool. She's. She all right.

[Scott Aukerman]

She just farts. Been holding this one in. Goes in the house.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, she's making some brown.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why didn't she just move?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Move?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

Where?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. She has all those books, like, everyone.

[Brett Morris]

Wants to take care of the library.

[Scott Aukerman]

She knows she wants the books. She Owns the books. She doesn't care about where they are. Just rent a U Haul.

[Brett Morris]

She wants to be in. I think she cares about the library sciences.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, take. Take the book somewhere else. Where. Where she doesn't have this reputation.

[Brett Morris]

But she's not going to be cowed by these cheap, cheap cheeps.

[Scott Aukerman]

These hen pecking harpies. Okay, so Ed Greiner is a creep. All these EDs. Another ED removable back seat. What does that mean? Oh, meaning that's where you can have sex. What's she making?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I knew you'd get there.

[Scott Aukerman]

She making chili? What is this?

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, she's making her famous four lob chili. 1910, Iowa.

[Scott Aukerman]

I do not remember this song.

[Brett Morris]

It's not a great one.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is probably the least or most forgettable or least memorable.

[Brett Morris]

Which do you think it is?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. It's one end of the spectrum somewhere.

[Brett Morris]

It's got a gorgeous voice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I remember. So I grew up in the 70s. I don't know when you grew up.

[Brett Morris]

Being a long time before the 70s. But I'm very old man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I forgot about that.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah. But you know, my wife died two days ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry, I. I know we scheduled this three weeks ago. You. You could have said something.

[Brett Morris]

That's all right.

[Scott Aukerman]

But when I grew up, Shirley Jones was. She was kind of. It felt like she was an older woman. Especially to someone who was six or whatever.

[Brett Morris]

Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

So I never viewed her as, you know, a sexual object. Sexual object. Until watching this film and saying we're exploring it. Okay, okay.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, she's making a pizza.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just like Frank Sinatra.

[Brett Morris]

She's making a chocolate pizza with walnuts.

[Scott Aukerman]

This actually sounds good. Should we market these chocolate pizza with walnuts? Yeah, sure. With like round kind of like. You know those coins, the chocolate coins that you unwrap. Those are pepperonis.

[Brett Morris]

Chocolate coins that you unwrap from the gold.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, know.

[Brett Morris]

Did you include the unwrapping part because you thought I was going to put wrapped chocolate coins.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I didn't want. Yes, because Bing, you have this tendency to.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But you can make this like a gold leaf paint. That's edible.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that would be fun to make that. What. What do you think the recipe is?

[Brett Morris]

I think it be fun recipe is chocolate in a circle.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean for the gold.

[Brett Morris]

Paper gold.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Brett Morris]

Brush.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Melt everything.

[Brett Morris]

Season to taste.

[Scott Aukerman]

This song sucks.

[Brett Morris]

It does.

[Scott Aukerman]

But we do get her sexual someone pondering. So. Oh, did she mention. Did she talk about a past?

[Brett Morris]

A past lover who drove the streetcar.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

He drove a street car.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What happened to him?

[Brett Morris]

I don't know. We started talking.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we'll have to rewatch this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I was just watching you guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

So she. Everyone thinks she was with the guy who owned the library. But instead she was in love with the guy who raced street cars Fast and furious.

[Brett Morris]

He raced them because I think they're on a track.

[Scott Aukerman]

But he's still go fat. You're just not getting off track. You can go fast or slow.

[Brett Morris]

You can't go fast or slow. But I don't think they're able to line them up so that they can race. You have to go all the way to the roundhouse and turn it around. Or you get a crane and lift it up up to face it the other way.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was really inefficient back then. Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

Now street car races are easy and legal everywhere.

[Scott Aukerman]

In all.

[Brett Morris]

She went to space.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, she's going to space too.

[Brett Morris]

Goodbye.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're both going. More movie scenes should end like this. I like that relationship like you're watching the Brutalist and just scenes just end like that.

[Brett Morris]

I haven't seen a bird list. Is it about a mean guy?

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope so.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, have you seen it or you haven't seen it?

[Scott Aukerman]

I haven't seen it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It sounded like you did see it.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, that's what I thought. You referenced it, but you haven't seen it.

[Scott Aukerman]

People reference things they haven't seen all the time.

[Brett Morris]

Okay, so explain.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hello. Gungadin.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Perfect example.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ye gods. Ye gods. Count at three or four.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Four. Wow, Good math, Gungadin.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a better man than I, Ganga Din. That's what I'm thinking of.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Another. You got five.

[Scott Aukerman]

Five. Meanwhile, the oldest woman I've ever seen.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What if she's still alive?

[Brett Morris]

Boy, give me a number again with that book. Important.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's right. Because there's where he went to school. She's going to look it up.

[Brett Morris]

Right. Why is that book always facing out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who'S who's reading this book ever? The fact that she's constantly putting it away.

[Brett Morris]

People are checking it out, returning it. They can't get enough. Look at that dog.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this is a Wells Fargo wagon. So does anyone say like it looks.

[Brett Morris]

Extremely pathetic in my memory it was much bigger.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Does anyone say I know how to order things from a catalog? A what? A bird from Tampa.

[Brett Morris]

I think a.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's a Mac?

[Brett Morris]

Macaw was a raincoat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. Oh, so a Mac. Yeah. Which is.

[Brett Morris]

Cuz also Macintosh is a coat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So now we've dated. This movie, it's 1912 that's right.

[Brett Morris]

Although this year, Titanic sank.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did it really?

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I only know just a few months before boodling.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, boodling.

[Brett Morris]

That was a filthy word back then.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, but if you just want to just out with it, Shirley Jones instead, you give little girls time to interrupt you.

[Brett Morris]

I wish this guy was still alive.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. I'd love to shake his hand without saying a word and then just pivot, turn around and walk away. Cod Cash on delivery. So they know the term cod?

[Brett Morris]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kind of implies that they know how to order things.

[Brett Morris]

They know how to order things, but it does seem like they're not able to track things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Although I know we were talking about this person got something on her birthday. Like, how do you order knowing it'll come on your birthday? Or was that just chance?

[Brett Morris]

I guess it's up to the. The. The. The whoever is the shipper.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what I bet happened is someone else ordered it for her birthday.

[Brett Morris]

I expect a new rocking chair. This weirdo watches. Raises the courthouse square.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this isn't Harold Hill's doing?

[Brett Morris]

No, he had nothing to do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Excited by the wagon.

[Brett Morris]

Just capitalism they're excited about.

[Scott Aukerman]

No wonder Ron Howard's so embarrassed by his acting career. Like, he's great in this, but can you imagine being him and ever watching this and doing, like, what a Goober.

[Brett Morris]

It'll be wild to have film of yourself like that from being such a little kid.

[Scott Aukerman]

God, this looks so cheap.

[Brett Morris]

Looks shitty.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, and he's in the back of it. I love it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, he's got a trumpet.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's got one trumpet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Gonna give it to Winthrop.

[Scott Aukerman]

He wipes his face. I love that. He's broken out of it now. You would think the instruments are the most expensive part of everything, but he must be charging a lot for his time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because he's.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now. I was incorrect, by the way, because I thought they were about to arrest him right before the instruments.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

But they. They were just suspicious.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Which I think was what I maintained.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So I wouldn't mind.

[Scott Aukerman]

He wouldn't mind apologizing again.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

For what I'm about to do, which is punch you in the face.

[Scott Aukerman]

I concede that you were correct in that he was not about to be arrested.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

That they were merely suspicious.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. They couldn't be about to arrest him that many times.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's true. It's an escalation, as we say in the biz.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's also the mayor. Can't arrest people now.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're all going to space. Goodbye.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All Right, Roddy? Just look up at the. Just look up side to side.

[Scott Aukerman]

So. So they're going. They're going to practice, right? Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, this is where we first see his Think method in action.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We're about to see the Think method.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, girls, locker room. This is. Now, this is what the movie Porkies was based on.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, this is. This is a prequel to Porky. Or I guess Porky is the unofficial.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sequel to the music.

[Brett Morris]

Boy, I'm glad we got to see them all one at a time. Then the last one, they were like, don't do any business. We got business out of the first few.

[Scott Aukerman]

So they have basketball now. I remember. Do you ever read those Great Brain books? What, the books. Series of books called the Great Brains Little Mormon boy. Yeah, yeah, Yeah. A little LDS, and he was all set around this megum LSD.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You got my attention.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was all set maybe 15 years before this. Right before the turn of the century, maybe. I remember things like basketball coming to town, and they were always like, we've heard of this new game called basketball. And then the great brain gets really good at it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's like one of those things where they had a hyphen in there that they don't have anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, like the Batman, man. And great brain gets really good at. He's sinking threes from half court, and he's just like, swish, swish, swish.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They describe this in the book. The great brain throws again, nothing but net.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a boring scene, but I guess it's necessary.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a real, like, you know, this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is not enough students, women's lives and men's lives. By the way, that dog is still, like, just right at Harold Hill's feet. You can't. They've cut him out of the frame.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He doesn't even get a credit.

[Scott Aukerman]

This poor kid, he doesn't know that he's being bamboozled. This guy, by the way, the main love interest, looks way older than everyone here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He really does.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's like 30.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

And.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And looks like he's seen some, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like he's been to Nam, got back from the war.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's like, I saw horrors in Korea.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shouldn't he have his hat off indoors? Or is there an age cut off for that? That.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, that's a good question, because some of the little boys do have the hats on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's like, hey, you're. You're 10 now. You take your hat off indoors.

[Brett Morris]

Look how serious they are. This is a good look at, like, Michael Rapaport back there with the tuba?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Really? Why doesn't he just say he's a singing teacher? Because, like everyone, he teaches to sing. And they're all good at it. This guy is old as hell. He's like Bobby Darren's age right before he died.

[Brett Morris]

How old? But he died young.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, he had, like, a hard palpitation.

[Brett Morris]

Is he the best example?

[Scott Aukerman]

Who do you want me to pick? JonBenet Ramsey? Jesus.

[Brett Morris]

The candy guy looked like Alex Trebek.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alex Trebek. Jeopardy.

[Brett Morris]

By the way, I wish I had a million dollars. Hot dog.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hot dog has a exclamation mark in the title.

[Brett Morris]

That's right. She gotta pronounce it. Jeopardy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jeopardy. You gods. Count up to six.

[Brett Morris]

Great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Honk. A little late for a catchphrase, my friend.

[Brett Morris]

He did say it once before.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You gotta say it at least five times.

[Brett Morris]

He's got three more to go. I hope we can get it in there.

[Scott Aukerman]

This town has so much stuff in it. Why are they so bored that they need this guy? I would just be at this place every day. I think a ye gods is coming.

[Brett Morris]

This guy, he rules.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's so good. I wish there were more people like this. I wish there were more. Oh, nice horsewhip. Another form of execution. That one. That's so funny. Just great. Actors all around.

[Brett Morris]

Weird jokes.

[Scott Aukerman]

He raises his hand really briefly, like I'm gonna say something.

[Brett Morris]

It's like he has mind powers. Yeah, like the Force. He was using the Force.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, seven. Him and his phraseology.

[Brett Morris]

Into the wrong kind of town.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's what the point is.

[Brett Morris]

Thanks for the buggy ride. That's a good. That's a good thing to say. Somebody.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks for the buggy ride. G, Liz is his kids.

[Brett Morris]

J I L, A S.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is great. God, this guy's great.

[Brett Morris]

Paul Ford.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hello, Mayor.

[Brett Morris]

Hello. Hello. Hello.

[Scott Aukerman]

References. God, that hat. What if her hair was that shape?

[Brett Morris]

Is she drinking that liquid that the. The bird drinks when you set him up and he.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is what I ordered.

[Brett Morris]

Do you know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

What? The bird drinks, like the plastic bird.

[Brett Morris]

And you. You push his head and then he drinks from the water. He goes back up.

[Scott Aukerman]

These phrases. I love them so much. He knows so much about the instruments. He should just be.

[Brett Morris]

You just do it, guys.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Brett Morris]

Wouldn't it be great if that was true?

[Scott Aukerman]

I use. I would have dreams where I could play.

[Brett Morris]

The menu.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, instruments like this. And I would have. I would, like, be handed it. I would have a concert. I would go like, oh, yeah, I know how to play.

[Brett Morris]

Wait you handed it and you instantly had a concert.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Wow.

[Brett Morris]

Congrats.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wish more life was like that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It should be.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, like you're handed a guitar and it's like, hey, you have a concert now.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's what's great about drugs. Somebody hands you a drug, and then the whole new world happens.

[Scott Aukerman]

The whole concert happens. Was that. Was she about to pay for her drink? Is that what was happening? And he's like, I think so. Forget about it, baby. I got this one's on Harold Hill. What's his actual name?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You got to spend money to make money, Gregory. We never hear his last name.

[Scott Aukerman]

We never hear, oh, wow, maybe we do.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Maybe when.

[Scott Aukerman]

When he's making those posters, he's. But I feel like he's just. Just plastering over another fake name, like an alias. He's already.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know what? We should have looked at what said.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let'S just do another watch along and we'll see it next time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Same movie? Yeah. Okay. Just for that one part. Rest of town will be quiet. You can enjoy the film.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, now he's in space. Okay, great. And he's transported back to Earth. Wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're starting to match. It's really happening.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kidding. Conspiracy. A pipe. Oh, no. What's overdue the red.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He held it long enough that they could see it. It was pretty big.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know, I wasn't looking.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, but I mean, they could see it. And then they're still like, what is it? He goes, oh, it's a letter from a lady.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's good at singing. Just be a singing teacher. See, look at what he teach, the magic he's making. Just pay him for that. Hi. I think they're gonna do the. They're gonna do the chain, the key change thing that I love when. When barbershop quartets do it. Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

That'S the stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ding. Like you said earlier.

[Brett Morris]

Ding.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's so close to your name. Bing.

[Brett Morris]

It is Bing again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bing and ding.

[Brett Morris]

I used to have a friend when I was a boy. His name was Ding.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What happened? Did he not grow up or.

[Brett Morris]

No, he's still alive, but he did not grow up. He's still a little boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

So he has like a Peter Pan kind of thing.

[Brett Morris]

There was three of us. Bing, ding and thing from the atoms.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This thing was a little rocky orange boy. My name light a rose Everyone knows that I am hoping you're the same.

[Scott Aukerman]

So they're gonna.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Here is my love when they do.

[Scott Aukerman]

The crossfade, that's when they do the key change, right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll point it out when it happens.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Lacrosse.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fade to another song, I think. Won't you be my. Okay, listen, listen, Rose. And they do the key change up to here.

[Brett Morris]

Singing is just the same talking. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

A love song. Can you imagine a woman? Yeah, but what are you imagining? I want to hear.

[Brett Morris]

I can't imagine anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I bet you can't imagine a dragon sitting on top of a golden carriage.

[Brett Morris]

You're saying I can't imagine dragons? I'm thinking about it right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, you got me. But can you imagine a woman singing a song about you?

[Brett Morris]

Oh, sure. I like to think about that. My wife used to sing to me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. Until she died two days ago.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

But she would always sing the same song.

[Scott Aukerman]

What song?

[Brett Morris]

Happy Birthday.

[Scott Aukerman]

Once a year.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

On special occasion. Light. I don't know.

[Brett Morris]

They're separated by outer space.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're both on separate UFOs that are racing.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah. Do you think the other three guys, like, how come you get the chair?

[Scott Aukerman]

I bet two of them were like, okay, you get the chair. I'm just gonna sit down on this. Then the other guy's like, I'll stand.

[Brett Morris]

And we're gonna man spread. So the fourth guy stands up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Meanwhile, the mom has nothing to do.

[Brett Morris]

Nope.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's just staring off into space.

[Brett Morris]

I mean, she gets to listen to Shirley Jones sing, which is nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's looking out the window of the spaceship, I think.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, there's Pluto.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, no. Space whale. He needs our help.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pluto in outer space.

[Brett Morris]

The dog, not the form of planet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fka Pluto. Rose. Rotalize.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Rotalize.

[Scott Aukerman]

Brutalize.

[Brett Morris]

Initiate. Brutalize.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you talking about the brutalist again?

[Scott Aukerman]

Brutalize.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Brutalist.

[Scott Aukerman]

Brutalize.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Brutalize.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't I ever get to sing a fun song? Like you get to sing. All I can do is this accent.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Meanwhile, is whittling and walking. A great combo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jesus Christ. He's gonna stab himself to death. Martin of tour, Audible weapon. Oh, he's Harold now.

[Brett Morris]

That's nice. They become friends.

[Scott Aukerman]

Best friends. What do you think Buddy Hackett feels about that? Oh, you're friends with this little boy now?

[Brett Morris]

You can have more than one friend.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought you and I were friends.

[Brett Morris]

Are we French?

[Scott Aukerman]

Bing. Oh, yeah. I was in the. The guise of Buddy.

[Brett Morris]

No, but I'm asking you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like to think we're friends.

[Brett Morris]

Well, you have more than one friend, right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you're my doctor. I think we have more of a professional relationship.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A doctor is the best Friend you can have.

[Scott Aukerman]

The doctor is a best friend you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That you can have. Yeah. I'm the only one who can save you from death. Are your other friend's gonna do that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, if I was in a, like a Tesla that was exploding in front of a casino or something like that, I hope they would pull me from it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They won't. I can tell you that right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Oh, boy. This is like an immediate fast forward in my house.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's also, it's. Luckily it's a short song.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I finally get to sing and it's this. It's so crazy that this guy would end up being my boss one day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's. He's really adorable.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's great.

[Brett Morris]

He's a cutest little guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very nice man.

[Brett Morris]

Ah, see? I love you, son.

[Scott Aukerman]

When I was watching this when I was 14 years old, to think that one day he would sign my paycheck.

[Brett Morris]

But what about when you watch Happy Days?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's another part of it. Oh, boy, Here we go.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

When Charles Cowell shows up, that's a problem.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever leaned on a post like that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Probably. I've leaned on a lot of things in my lifetime.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like what? Wall, deer, tree.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't know if I've ever leaned against a deer.

[Scott Aukerman]

If it's there, I'm gonna lean against it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You think it'll let you?

[Scott Aukerman]

I have so much time to clean.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you think the expression is if you have time to lead against a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Deer, you have time to clean a deer? Deer, honey. Okay. You're a creep. Get the out now. That's a good fake name. Heavier than that. Anvil.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, she's all. She's all in now.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's all in. This is so. Every line is just crafted. So.

[Brett Morris]

Exquisitely crafted by an artisan named Meredith Wilson. This guy's pretty great, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Girly girl.

[Brett Morris]

He's like the. The proto Dave Koechner.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. He looked at her boobs, right, Adam? Maybe I do have.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, that's the one thing as a doctor I never get tired of looking at.

[Scott Aukerman]

Boobs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Love them, I thought. I keep expecting to get bored.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Never happened.

[Scott Aukerman]

Any size, any shape.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I love them all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Drop your anvil again.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Man, he's really strong.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ah, yes.

[Brett Morris]

I don't remember this at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't? I love this scene because she's acting all hot.

[Brett Morris]

I don't remember them having any exchange whatsoever. I just remember him showing up at the. At the big town square, right? He starts screaming and yelling.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, she, she's.

[Brett Morris]

She's stalling.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's stalling for time because he's got to get back on that train. Plus, maybe she's just horny in general. Is like, yeah, why not? What are anvils for?

[Brett Morris]

You hammer stuff on there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Like what?

[Brett Morris]

Like a horseshoe. Until you make a horseshoe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why don't you just do it on the table?

[Brett Morris]

That's a great question, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tintype. Girly girl.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

None of your tint. I mean, that was with. Nobody ever said that. Not on your tin type. Like, were there people in the 70s saying, not on your Polaroid camera.

[Scott Aukerman]

The train's chugging. Oh, taking it away.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's. That's slang. That's slang for sex. Mouths open.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

These are still singing over there.

[Scott Aukerman]

My question. He's made everyone's lives better. You know what I mean? Look, these guys hated each other.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now they own extra hats.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep. There's the two hat gang.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, now they're writing their own material. That went well. They feel good. They feel good.

[Scott Aukerman]

They feel good about that take. Oh. He points at everyone he talks to. I feel like that would get tiring.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It used to be. Now it's rude, but it used to be you had to do that.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just feel like your arms would get so tired doing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, that's why people don't do it anymore. You don't listen so good.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just feel like your arms would get so tired. He's out of focus. I guess he's behind her saying was an intentional choice. Maybe. Although normally you would pull focus over to him when she turns around. But now he's in.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I guess you know a thing or.

[Scott Aukerman]

Two about pulling focus because I've directed a movie.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, I think that's what he meant.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It actually is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dog is still in the take. What's the eyeliner budget trying to say is taking the virginities of a hundred people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Have you deflowered 100 women?

[Scott Aukerman]

I wonder if that's a world record. Wish I could call my friend.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who's your friend?

[Scott Aukerman]

My friend Fred.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't care. Call him.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want me to call Fred?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't give a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me see. Try to call him here.

[Brett Morris]

So she. Because Winthrop is having such a good time and not moping about his dead dad anymore. She's like, I don't care that this guy's con man. He's great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why are you actually friend here?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, Fred. What. What's the. What's the world record for virgins deflowered by one person? By one person. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not by country Exactly.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right, hold on a second. 252.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I was nowhere near close. Okay. Thanks, Fred.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You got it. You don't want to know who it was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Who? Who is it, Fred?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

James Carville.

[Scott Aukerman]

James Car. I got a text from him earlier today. Crazy. All right, thanks, Fred. Bye.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It. Love you.

[Scott Aukerman]

So my friend says 252 is.

[Brett Morris]

Wow. That's a lot.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a lot. James Carville.

[Brett Morris]

I wonder if it's the same the famous one.

[Scott Aukerman]

I doubt it. She relates because people started rumors about her.

[Brett Morris]

That's right, Sally. That's how Bond.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're the rumor couple. We both have rumors about us.

[Brett Morris]

He's giving me an in to forget about my morality.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Brett Morris]

Just that you are real James Carville.

[Scott Aukerman]

Acting is all about the shoulders and above, isn't it?

[Brett Morris]

I couldn't have put it better myself.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you can't act there, you got to get out of the business.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If your shoulders are stiff and wooden, forget about it. Acting is reacting with your shoulders.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wonder if these two liked each other.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a good question.

[Brett Morris]

I mean, it happens sometimes that they don't like each other. I bet they did, though.

[Scott Aukerman]

I bet they did. It's only a summer you're spending together.

[Brett Morris]

You know, I could like this person for three months.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Then I never have to see them again in other than at the cast.

[Brett Morris]

Party and maybe the Academy Awards.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's taking it up a notch, saying, let's go to the footbridge. Wants to take her to the second location.

[Brett Morris]

The footbridge, everybody knows, is where it.

[Scott Aukerman]

All goes down the wiki Foot Bridge. 15 minutes.

[Brett Morris]

Is there also a website that's Wiki Foot, where it's just one foot?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. We could only get some data on this one. Does. Is he in love with her yet? I can't quite tell. I think this seems meant to flip the switch on him.

[Brett Morris]

This is where they. It really happens, I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I feel like he's still kind of.

[Brett Morris]

He's still kind of the con man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. At what point does he go like, oh, I actually do like her.

[Brett Morris]

I think it's gonna happen real soon.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's still kind of playing his thing, though, here.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That music and being.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, he drugged him.

[Scott Aukerman]

Roofies. Bill Cosby.

[Brett Morris]

How old was she when this was made?

[Scott Aukerman]

I Bet she is 23.

[Brett Morris]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What's. What's your guess? Bing. Big laugh.

[Brett Morris]

I'm gonna say she is.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's 23 and a half. Price is right rules.

[Brett Morris]

29.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm gonna say she's 19 years old.

[Scott Aukerman]

19, okay. That's a wide range.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I can't. I don't judge ages. It's surprising for a doctor. I don't judge ages very well.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, bear in mind, there'll be a year younger who's barren mind. Excuse me, Baron. 28. But a year younger would be 27, because 28 when the movie comes out, 27 when she films it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Did Charlie Cowan miss his train? Or he came back on a different train.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, is he there?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, he just came up to the Buffalo Bills.

[Scott Aukerman]

He must have come back on a different train. Right. Oh, no, this is. No, this is still the same night. And that's why they put a ticking clock on it. Right? The 15 minutes of it all.

[Brett Morris]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

He must have missed his train. I bet he clarifies. So he's a dance teacher too. Just do that, man. You don't have to be a music teacher.

[Brett Morris]

It is fun to fool people though, isn't it?

[Scott Aukerman]

It, that's true.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a good point.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like I'll. A lot of times I'll tell people.

[Scott Aukerman]

So on the very first date is usually a hussy. And a woman who will kiss on the second time out is anything but fussy. But a woman who will wait till the third time around. Head in the clouds, feet on the ground she's the girl he's glad he's.

[Brett Morris]

Found She's a shoopy shoopy, shoopy, shoopy the girl is hard to get she poopy, she poopy Shampoo. But he can win her yet Walker.

[Scott Aukerman]

Once just raise the curtain Walk around tracing you make for certain once more in the flower garden she will never get sore if you beg her pardon.

[Brett Morris]

Do you think this is the most that Buddy Hackett ever moved in his life?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you think he, like, had to think about it before taking this role? Like, you want me to wear what? Little Sal was a no gal as anyone could see look at her now. She's a go gal who only goes for me. Do we ever see his girlfriend, his wife?

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, we've seen her a few times. She played the piano.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love that.

[Brett Morris]

And then the Roller kept going and interrupted the Gettysburg Address. I feel like the tune is getting away from him a little bit.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's also looking down at his feet a little more than. And probably the choreographer just off camera. Meanwhile, let's let the professionals at this.

[Brett Morris]

Let the professionals at this.

[Scott Aukerman]

So these are the steps that Harold Hill taught them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Now, see, that's always the thing in musicals. Is that. Do the people in musicals know they're dancing?

[Scott Aukerman]

These people know they're dancing, definitely.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But now, why do you say that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because they were, like, just talking about, oh, we want to show off the steps.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, that.

[Brett Morris]

Okay, but that's the thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are these. There's his wife.

[Scott Aukerman]

But to your point, do people in musicals know they're singing a song or is it just like a fantasy? I think in this particular case, they know they are singing a song and they know they are dancing. And this is part of the festivities.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not the case. For instance, when he sings very soon till there was you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. That is just pure love.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pure love coming out of him. But this is like, hey, these are steps that Harold Hill taught us. And this is part of a fun.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So the idea is that Harold Hill's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Choreographed this entire thing, which is, like, just be that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Including. Including the Buddy Hackett part.

[Brett Morris]

Buddy Hackett, like, he get together with Marcellus and say, hey, I got this new song.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shapoopi, could you choreograph some of this?

[Brett Morris]

You can do your own moves. And I'll take care of the guys and the girls.

[Scott Aukerman]

So good.

[Brett Morris]

Egos. Great hunk. Egos. Great hunk.

[Scott Aukerman]

I gotta look at this guy. I've liked his work ever since I was young, watching this movie. I don't know anything about him.

[Brett Morris]

You know, that he was in this.

[Scott Aukerman]

And that's all I know about him. But, gosh, I hope his life was good. The first thing I always look at when I check out a Wikipedia page is personal life. Because I want to know, like, were they happy? How many divorces do they have? Were they racist?

[Brett Morris]

Hey, I got a question.

[Scott Aukerman]

Were they canceled?

[Brett Morris]

Were they racist? I got a question.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Brett Morris]

Why did Harold Hill say 15 minutes when he's just standing there watching this thing?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because she needs time to prepare, I think. Like, she said she had to get dressed.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh.

[Brett Morris]

She probably had to take, like, penny royalty or something to make sure she didn't get pregnant.

[Scott Aukerman]

It. Meanwhile, I love the style of dancing, too.

[Brett Morris]

This should come back.

[Scott Aukerman]

This seems like the kind of dancing I could do.

[Brett Morris]

How about that part?

[Scott Aukerman]

I could do this. If Robert Preston can do something, I can do it. Yes. I can do anything as good as Robert Preston. Oh, I love this. This is something I could do.

[Brett Morris]

I could do that part, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Brett Morris]

That looks like. Again, it looks like making fun of dancing.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would love to do Bing. Did you say that you wanted to play this part, Harold Hill?

[Brett Morris]

I don't think I did.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would love To.

[Brett Morris]

I've never been on the stage.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would love to do this with you, where we switch off scenes.

[Brett Morris]

Switch off scenes?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'll do this scene.

[Brett Morris]

So not switch off nights like True west style, but switch off scenes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, I saw my friend's child in Little Shop of Horrors when they were five years old, and there were two people playing each part. Two kids.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, I see. I see.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they just said the lines along with each other.

[Brett Morris]

That's interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was.

[Brett Morris]

That's interesting. Dramaturgy.

[Scott Aukerman]

This woman in the front was not even pretending to sing. Really? Okay, so is this his wife? She said. Yeah. Pianola or whatever.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, she plays the pianola.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, when you cast someone in a movie as a love interest, they don't have to look exactly like the person.

[Brett Morris]

What? What's this theory?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, like, okay, we need someone for Buddy Hackett's love interest. Oh, let's cast someone who looks like Buddy Hackett wearing a dress. No, you don't have to do that.

[Brett Morris]

I didn't think that. She looks like Buddy Hackett. Come on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is he still saying 15 minutes?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

15 more minutes. He keeps adding time. Every dance number is a setback.

[Scott Aukerman]

It doesn't feel like he's in love with her yet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, he's gonna try it again.

[Brett Morris]

Granny's spark dress.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no, he's. Don't you think this movie would make a little more sense if, like, everything in the town sucked before he got there? And then.

[Brett Morris]

Then, I mean, it did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but they still had that Fourth of July thing.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, this is part of it. This Grecian urns.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. I guess everyone was standoffish when he got there, but, oh, boy, now it's trouble right here in River City. Wait, is she in It's a Wonderful Life, too? Second from the left. She's the person who plays. She's in the office.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[Brett Morris]

Okay, that's a good guess, though I see why you say that now.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is filmed at Griffith Park.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, boy.

[Brett Morris]

Look at this text that's happening back there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, this is on the trails at Griffith Park. This is just pretty close to where we're taping. Yes.

[Brett Morris]

Definitely not a soundstage. It couldn't be more outdoors.

[Scott Aukerman]

From the echo of the footsteps to the lighting, this is a real lake, obviously. Okay, so this is where we see that he literally has dreams of being. He's kind of using the Think System on himself. Although this really is all a conductor does. Just waves his arms around like a flapping bird.

[Brett Morris]

I dare you to say that to Dudamel. Go up to him and say, you're nothing more than a flapping bird.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where can I find him? So he breaks the stick. He's like, that's not going to come true. I'm actually leaving all these people because I've been conning them.

[Brett Morris]

You're pregnant. Oh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because she's supposed to be canonically 26 years old, she's counting the time.

[Brett Morris]

When she was a baby. Come on.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if he was counting the time, like, from conception? So the nine months.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't think that's fair.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's when a person becomes a person, is the moment of conception.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm not going to argue that point with you. I'm not going to get into that. But I do think it's unfair to hold it against her for part of her life. She can walk. She looks at the footbridge.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cry enough that your parents take you. What are you pointing at? Oh, there's a fly on her head. Wow. Like Mike Pence, he had Covid during that debate, right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, of course he did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Of course he did.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, we all know it. Why isn't that story broken? Like. Yeah, I mean, both he and Trump did have Covid during their debates, probably several times. This is a gorgeous song. Now, I believe my parents got. I believe this played at their wedding.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, that's nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

So in the documentary I made about their love, I played this version, and then the credits had the Beatles version.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, yeah, the Beatles. And John had the toilet seat around his neck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Toilet seat around his neck, yeah. Wow. He played that song. There was a guy.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

[Scott Aukerman]

There was a guy that I was in choir with who was a foreign exchange student who sang this during one of our choir concerts. And he had the heaviest accent, and it's just been burned in my mind of Till Vervacio.

[Brett Morris]

He's from Transylvania.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just for 40 years.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Was this concert at night.

[Scott Aukerman]

I do not drink wine. It's singing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah. She's gonna go for that crazy note.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. This is why you cast a Shirley Jones if you want that note.

[Brett Morris]

Now. This is why you cast a Shirley Jones.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this is where he falls in love with her, is like, oh, shit. She's also. The fact. Doesn't she say that she knows he's a con? I think she doesn't care.

[Brett Morris]

Like, when they're coming. When they're coming.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's very tender right here, I think. I think he's like, he's heard her explain it.

[Brett Morris]

He sees him. He knows he's himself reflected in her lies of love.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, He Knows he's a piece of shit. This is what all love stories are. There's. Let me see if I can get this right. There's three people that you present to the world.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There it goes.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's the hero that you present to your family.

[Brett Morris]

The one that walks one three legged.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. And the what you know yourself to be, which is a piece of shit. And he's seeing himself as the hero that he's been presenting himself as. But he knows he's a piece of shit. But he thinks he can be be the hero that he actually is.

[Brett Morris]

That was like me and my wife, really. She made me feel like I was worthwhile.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you gonna do without her, Bing?

[Brett Morris]

Well, I get to move the furniture around the way I like it.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you like it?

[Brett Morris]

Different.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like in different rooms and stuff.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah. I'm gonna put.

[Scott Aukerman]

You need to help.

[Brett Morris]

Dining room in the living room.

[Scott Aukerman]

The kitchen in the bedroom.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, why not?

[Scott Aukerman]

Another fake name.

[Brett Morris]

F R I M L Frible.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rudy Frimmel.

[Brett Morris]

Rudy Fribble. I don't sound like him, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

No. Bing.

[Brett Morris]

My wife told me I had a beautiful voice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, uniforms. Uniforms. He collected the money for the uniforms, so he. Okay, so he got the money for the uniforms, so. Yeah. Yeah, cheese it.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, and his real name is Buster Brown.

[Scott Aukerman]

Also, when he's talking about his commission, he's talking about boning Marion.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, that's what they used to call it back then.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, let's have a commission because you're.

[Brett Morris]

Committing a sin that resulted in a child.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Brett Morris]

You know, my wife and I never had kids. Even though there was nothing wrong with either one of us. So we had sex positively all the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

It just never happened. Wow. That's the thing about sex. That's what happens when body starts lapping from doing the wild thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What are they doing?

[Brett Morris]

Like a role play, but they're pretending to be themselves.

[Scott Aukerman]

So he. He's back to. He's like snapped out of it of like, okay, now let me. Let me have sex. But now he's realizing, wait, you know, I'm a piece of and you still love me? How can that be possible? It rings true.

[Brett Morris]

Got me.

[Scott Aukerman]

It rings true.

[Brett Morris]

Now he falls in love with her. I'm not stupid.

[Scott Aukerman]

How can you tear out a page where there's the absence of something? You know what I mean? Like there was no conservatory in oh, five. I tore out the page where it.

[Brett Morris]

Said that this just in no case we still don't have a conservatory.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Maybe next year.

[Scott Aukerman]

These guys do not look happy. It's your got to go, dear.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That gas.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so here's more.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Conducting.

[Scott Aukerman]

The anvil guy, does he ever mention if he got on the train or not?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wouldn't you love to do that during a show? Stop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just talk to the audience like this. I think if we ever do a live show together, Bing. I would love for you to just talk to the audience like this, so.

[Brett Morris]

You low down idiotic fools. You stupid idiots.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You.

[Brett Morris]

You bow legging.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow, you're fiddling in the parlor. Oh, so funny. God, I wish I could talk to my wife like that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Brian, she wanted the grapes that's on a costume.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, welcome to SAG aftra. You, sir, are Taft heart lead. Oh, and we'll execute him. Crucify him.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Crucify him.

[Scott Aukerman]

Crucify him. Crucify him.

[Brett Morris]

Who are you, Harold Hill?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why have you been brought here?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Ronnie, are those real? Those titties on his mom, I think she got a boob job for this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. All right, dear. That's good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dr. Blondie, do you ever perform boob jobs? If they ask, they have to ask.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I've never done one without consent. Well, I did one without consent, Okay. I do one because I thought it's what they wanted and then they informed me afterwards. No, I did not want that. This.

[Scott Aukerman]

When did they find out? Like they went all the way home. Looks in the mirror.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, it was immediately upon waking in the hospital.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What have you been doing all night? There's a huge social going on.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. What the.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's pointing at.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He loves to point.

[Scott Aukerman]

Patented pointing. What does that mean? He's like, oh, you're getting all ready for me, huh? And then only bass.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why would there be only one bass?

[Brett Morris]

It does seem like if they have a billion instruments, why would they only have one bass?

[Scott Aukerman]

He's talking to bass guitar.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's what I assumed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe he's got a stack of Marshalls that are so big.

[Brett Morris]

A stack of Marshalls?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that the term Marshall lamps?

[Brett Morris]

Stack of Marshalls, Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not the clothing store.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, yeah. That was my confusion.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you imagine a bunch of Marshall's clothing stores stacked up.

[Brett Morris]

Marshall stack.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Sweet dream. See, he's crossed over now where he's like, I'm not even thinking about this fake band. Here I am singing this love song because I'm in love. But how can he stay here in town? He's a con man. He's got to move on before they catch him.

[Brett Morris]

He's got to move on, like funky town.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like this because they. It's. It's live singing too.

[Brett Morris]

Oh yeah, it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a.

[Brett Morris]

But it hasn't been other gorgeous pieces. It's gorgeous acting. But the other times it wasn't because you could see the. That's a great suit. There's no two ways around it. Little Roddy Howard wearing a great suit. As it went from now.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're going to burn him alive.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, that's the idea. They're going to Joan of Arkham.

[Scott Aukerman]

Winning. Oh my God. So that people could just take whatever horse they want.

[Brett Morris]

That really made me anxious even more.

[Scott Aukerman]

Horses. What? What this town needs is horses to catch this guy. They're just whipping these horses.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They even brought the dog.

[Scott Aukerman]

It would be great if someone's whipping them too faster.

[Brett Morris]

The mayor's wife is whipping them off.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's look in here. What is that?

[Brett Morris]

That's a different criminal escaping.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's. He's been hiding out in the lumber factory.

[Brett Morris]

It's nice that he grabbed his suitcase for him.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ah, Mr. Hale. Execution.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're gonna execute him. It's called a people's execution.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if she came with him and got the hell out of this town? You can send for the books.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who cares about the books at that point? You know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

Other than the one that's how to have sex. She's going to need that one. This is why he can't leave. He's betrayed him. It's the first time he's ever told the truth. I wish I this would work on my daughter, but it doesn't. I'm bigger than you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Catch more flies with honey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, the non existent band. Ah, great, great line.

[Brett Morris]

Wait, so is the idea that he thinks. You know what? I bet they did it like he does it. He goes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think fools himself. He's such a good conversation. He cons himself into thinking, you know what.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, that's deep.

[Scott Aukerman]

There is a band that's deep.

[Brett Morris]

Sister.

[Scott Aukerman]

A sister. Well, that's a little too much. So is this Labor Day?

[Brett Morris]

I thought it was so fourth of July.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, fourth of July was when he. When he first got there. This all doesn't take place in. In real time.

[Brett Morris]

No, no, no. He didn't get there 4th of July.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, at a certain point the mayor says, like I asked for his references on July 4, 1912.

[Brett Morris]

He. He's saying that on the day. He's saying it on July 4th.

[Scott Aukerman]

But remember the lady with the torch? That's like July 4th ceremony in. That's an independence Day.

[Brett Morris]

No, that first day.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. No, this probably July 4th.

[Brett Morris]

I don't think so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, we gotta watch this again. They're gonna catch you if you stay around singing, Harold.

[Brett Morris]

But they didn't have a Labor Day back then, I don't think.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's right. All these holidays that you think. Oh, they just always have existed.

[Brett Morris]

Also, he's been in that outfit for a while. Other people have changed their clothes around him, but he's been wearing that white.

[Scott Aukerman]

So how long do you think this take? I think. I think he gets there July 4th. I think this is around August 31st. It's like a two month period, I think.

[Brett Morris]

I think he gets there in June.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Brett Morris]

And now it's July 4th.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now this hug is too good. He wouldn't have gotten away anyway. Okay, so they put handcuffs on him, but they don't take him to jail.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. They take him to the.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They take him to the town square where they can vilify him. They take him. Yeah. The mayor gets to say what he wants to say.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, buddy, I wouldn't be holding that suitcase if I were you. Remember when he got here on July 4th?

[Brett Morris]

What's that guy mad about? He's not gonna live long.

[Scott Aukerman]

Her thing went flying and the guy didn't even notice.

[Brett Morris]

Oh, buddy. Buddy didn't even tell his own wife that it was a con.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? Rest abution.

[Brett Morris]

Look at big fat Taft back there.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's the only president who is as fat as all of us. ALL murmuring okay, so he's. He's in handcuffs to execute him.

[Brett Morris]

Not arrested.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Not arrested.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's not arrested. He's just. He's being detained at this point.

[Brett Morris]

Where are you getting this information from? Even though this the one man with a badge put handcuffs on him.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think they're just, they're. They want to, you know, pepper him with questions, put him under the hot lights.

[Brett Morris]

Look at that guy's tie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which guy? There's 20 men.

[Brett Morris]

Executed.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is great. This part right here, the last thing that happens. I remember it so well. Of course it's going to be her because she's been on his fight. She wanted him to get away. But then you have all of these guys. Their lives are so much better.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's true.

[Scott Aukerman]

All of these guys had so much fun doing all the Grecian bullshit everyone else, like, danced around.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You can't hold him responsible for the Grecian bullshit.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then there's one hold out. But you know what so good. Shropshire Sheep. Oh, that's a good point.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'd love to see one of the instruction books.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jump, jump, jump.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I Mean, he made that happen.

[Scott Aukerman]

So the uniforms are real.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Uniforms are real.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is their debut, though.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

You would think if he had planned, I. Maybe he was. He was going to be leaving earlier than expected because they're onto him. But you would think if he had plans to leave, he wouldn't have even ordered the uniforms. Like the, the instruments are enough.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right, but why not make more money?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's true. Because he's taking a commission on the uniforms. But my, My point is, take the commission. Yeah, and then never order the uniforms. Pocket all the money for the uniforms and then leave.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But look, who knows how long it's going to take for things to show up.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it's an inexact science. They don't have order tracking on the Wells.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Order tracking on the Wells Fargo wagon. And it looks like shit.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, the Wells Fargo wagon looks like shit.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a lot smaller than you think.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now this is one of the greatest endings, I think, to any movie and any.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's so true to life because you think like, you know, he's gonna get away with it. But how did he teach them how to play?

[Brett Morris]

She believed him too.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know she think.

[Brett Morris]

You know what? I was skeptical at first, but I think you magically made them be able to do it.

[Scott Aukerman]

But the writer doesn't just cop out and have them play really well.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

It sounds like shit. It.

[Brett Morris]

But it's recognizable enough.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's my barney.

[Brett Morris]

That tuba's my barney. Arguably the worst one. Clarinet.

[Scott Aukerman]

All the parents love their kids so much that they don't care that it sounds like shit. It's so funny. Who are you, sir?

[Brett Morris]

It's good enough. It was recognizable.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ah, so good. So now here's. Here's a question. Okay. He looks so handsome.

[Brett Morris]

He got.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's rehabilitated himself. Here's the, here's the question a lot of people have.

[Brett Morris]

What was his catchphrase again? Ocean.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this a fantasy? This. This part leads you to believe maybe it is a fantasy. Or is this just a time jump?

[Brett Morris]

But she was looking at it as if.

[Scott Aukerman]

As if it was a fantasy. As if she was not.

[Brett Morris]

As if. As if it was real magic that she's seeing happen right in front of her eyes.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I choose to believe that this is just a. That, that this is an arty way to do a time jump.

[Brett Morris]

Oh. See, I think this is just the way they feel.

[Scott Aukerman]

Could be. Because it's probably too many people.

[Brett Morris]

Yeah, this is way more people.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I, but, but I like to think that that he actually does end up, by the way. He goes to daylight.

[Brett Morris]

I think he stays.

[Scott Aukerman]

He stays. But I'd like to think that he. He does lead a band. That's right. Relatively competent. So he knows enough about music because it's daytime now.

[Brett Morris]

That. That leads us to believe it is a different time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. And that. And that the. The.

[Brett Morris]

They cleared the street of all the shit.

[Scott Aukerman]

The sort of. The link in between those scenes is artfully done. And it does have to do with. With a. A fantasy sequence.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Artfully done. Props to the music, the prop.

[Scott Aukerman]

The property department, by the way, big.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Shout out to them. All those suitcases made to find goddamn instruments.

[Scott Aukerman]

They didn't have music stores back when this was filmed. No, you had to find an instrument.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, yeah. Music stores weren't a thing until 1978.

[Scott Aukerman]

77, I think. But you're. Yeah, close.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait, we're both wrong. It was for the bicentennial. 1976.

[Scott Aukerman]

76 trombones.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They made up music stores. That's right. Oh, Peggy Mondo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mary Wickens. What else has Mary Wickens been in?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

She's been in everything.

[Scott Aukerman]

I like this. This guy's like, oh, I like that. He's just getting out of town now.

[Brett Morris]

He's been there for months.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe they arrested him.

[Brett Morris]

Years. He's been there long enough for them to become fantastic at their instrument.

[Scott Aukerman]

They probably arrested him just for, like, the Buffalo Bills. Remember us? Where's our other hats? We don't know. Ronnie Howard. Pert. Kelton. Monique, Vermont. Ah, these two. Class, Hermione.

[Brett Morris]

Pure class. Second most famous Hermione.

[Scott Aukerman]

Buddy Hackett doing his bits. Crosses his eyes.

[Brett Morris]

Come on, Buddy. Why did we freeze on that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because you want to make sure that his eyes were crossed and that the audience laughed really hard. Shirley Jones is there.

[Brett Morris]

Entering. Thundering all along the way. And big bassoons.

[Scott Aukerman]

Each bassoon having his big fat say.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There were 50 mounted cannons in the battery.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can anyone do that? By the way, if you're dating this guy, Yeah, I get to just prance along with him.

[Brett Morris]

I think that's. He's working on privilege. I think that is a privilege. The spouse of the person leading the band. Here comes the end.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ah, too big.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Too big.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank God. That was like the train coming at me.

[Brett Morris]

The train.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, that was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm glad we watched this together.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm glad we watched this. Such a good movie.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No credits.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I guess all the credits happened. Hey, this expires in 45 hours. Do you want to just watch it again and try to figure this out?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let's keep watching it for the next 25 hours. Wait, what's our new argument?

[Scott Aukerman]

I can't remember. Oh, when did he get there?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

When did he get there?

[Scott Aukerman]

When did he leave? How much did he know and when did he know it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Unknown. Unknowns.

[Brett Morris]

Well, that was fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks for having me. Yeah, that was so fun. Thanks, guys. It's so wonderful to spend time with you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Pills for the road?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, please. Yeah. What do you got?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Mystery.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Really? So I don't know what will happen to me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Spin the wheel.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Well, thanks everyone for listening. Thanks, Brett for accommodating.

[Brett Morris]

Thanks, Brett.

[Scott Aukerman]

And for your fact checking as it was going along. Thanks for the fact checking and thanks to you listeners. I hope we've settled at least part of our argument and we've raised another one. Apparently.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So we'll do this again next year.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll do this again every year. I like. You know, I do watch It's a Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve every year.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

It'd be great to watch this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

See if we say the exact same comments.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep. All right, we'll see you. Bye.

[Brett Morris]

Bye.

[Scott Aukerman]

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