Help Me Rhombus (Carl Tart, Angela Giarratana, Alex Fernie)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: "Help Me Rhombus" (December 8, 2025)

With Scott Aukerman, Carl Tart, Angela Giarratana, and Alex Fernie

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Episode Overview

This special CBB "Roundtable" format episode, hosted by Scott Aukerman, assembles an eclectic panel for an hour-plus of comic improvisational chaos: O.J. Simpson (Carl Tart), Angus Montgomery Diana (Angela Giarratana), and Flasher Gremlin (Alex Fernie). The "roundtable" promises to tackle the "issues of the day," but true to CBB tradition, it takes joyful detours through absurd hypothetical questions, cereal mascots, body counts, and the wide world of supernatural creatures.

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Key Discussion Points and Highlights

1. Panel Introductions and Personas

(02:19–18:27)

• Scott opens the roundtable, setting up the bit that the show will address the "serious issues" of the moment—before immediately swerving into absurdist territory.
• O.J. Simpson (Carl Tart) is introduced in Aukerman’s trademark "confused facts" style, with increasingly wild biographical errors (04:23). This O.J. is recently deceased and now resides in the "netherworld," where he reflects on his life.
  • “[About dying] Isn’t that something when somebody dies? It’s a terrible thing.” (04:44–04:51)
• Angus Montgomery Diana (Angela Giarratana), an allegedly 23-year-old viral podcaster from Tampa, explains his rise to fame after talking about “finding the clit” and describes his ‘Buffalo Wild Wings’ podcast—“Chicken Things and Different Things”—where political issues are assigned dipping sauces.
  • “We just talk about political issues and then we decide what kind of dipping sauce that political issue should get.” (13:15–13:27)
• Flasher Gremlin (Alex Fernie), straight from the "Gremlins" franchise ("both movies!" he notes), arrives deep in self-reckoning mode, apologizing for his infamous cinematic flashing.
  • “I just wanted to come out…I’m not the same person I used to be. I know now what I did then wasn’t right...” (20:13–20:26)

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2. Roundtable Questions and Absurd Debates

(34:03–85:06)

Roundtable Theme Parodies

• Panel riffs on shapes—pentagrams, rhombuses, and the episode title “Help Me Rhombus.”
  • “This is the CBB Roundtable, where the table is round, but help me rhombus.” (34:28–34:43)

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Q1: If You Could Hang Out with Any Cartoon Character, Who Would It Be?

(38:09–45:17)

• Flasher Gremlin: The cigar-smoking baby from "Roger Rabbit."
• Angus: “Ed, Edd n Eddy” — “I went to a private school...I just would love to just like, run around and not give a f***.” (42:09–42:16)
• O.J.: Sugar Bear from Golden Crisp cereal commercials.
  • “He was cool, man…Fred Flintstone got me so deep into Fruity Pebbles.” (43:37–44:08)
• This spirals into a debate about cereal mascots’ trustworthiness and the lack of female cereal mascots:
  • Angus: “I can't think of one lady mascot for the cereal…” (45:21–45:27)

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Q2: If You Could Be Any Supernatural Creature, What Would You Be?

(49:46–54:29)

• O.J.: Tony the Tiger.
  • “Tony the Tiger’s got to be about 6’4.” (50:00)
• Angus: "Marry a fairy, kill a gnome, and f*** an eagle." He ultimately picks "whoever is in charge of all the fairies" — Oberon or the Fairy Queen.
• Flasher Gremlin: Mothman, able to predict disasters.
  • “I just want to know if I’m forgiven…I want to be able to look into the future and say, do they forgive me for the way I was before?” (54:46–54:57)

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Q3: If You Could Be Immortal, What Age Would You Stop Aging?

(60:14–66:48)

• Angus: 22, the age of love and physical perfection.
  • “22 is ripe. 22? I had just had my first girlfriend. She had a personality, man. She had a personality.” (60:41–60:54)
• Flasher Gremlin: “Right where I am now, because I’ve been doing the growth.”
• O.J.: 47.
  • “You’re still young and spry…You got gray, so you’re kind of like a silver fox, so…the older ladies are attracted to you.” (64:54–65:18)
• Extensive riffing on “body counts,” jimmies, and the dangers of unprotected sex:
  • “Do you put a Jimmy on when you kill the poonanny?” — O.J. (66:16–66:20)

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Q4: If You Could Commit Any Crime and Get Away with It?

(68:06–73:39)

• Flasher Gremlin: Honestly, "flashing" (the crime itself), but alternately, "train robbery."
• Angus: “Impersonating a police officer…it sounds fun as hell, dude.”
• O.J.: Stealing desserts en masse — “Dessert theft.”

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Q5: What is Skibidi Toilet?

(73:25–75:44)

• Scott queries Angus to explain Skibidi Toilet (viral Gen Alpha meme), with hilarious confusion:
  • “It’s a meme of a human-headed toilet...The meme is that toilet, like, fighting...Oh God, I don't know if I'm getting this right.” (74:40–74:53)
• Flasher Gremlin assists with more details: “...head’s coming out of the toilet; it is fighting a war against the cameras and the other high tech enemy army.” (74:53–75:05)

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3. Running Gags & Notable Quotes

• Body Count Riff: “What's your body count?” recurring to near-absurdity, with Scott dodging the question.
• Cereal as Vagina Metaphor: “All vaginas the same. It’s just the toppings are different.” — Scott (45:05–45:08), which Flasher Gremlin immediately flags as “a reflective, disturbing worldview.” (45:57–46:02)
• Consent & Flashing: Numerous riffs on the boundaries of consent and exposure, always delivered in trademark CBB irreverent style.
• Remorse & Growth: Flasher Gremlin’s repeated apologies: “To anyone I harmed with my lack-of-dick. I know what I did wasn’t right.” (21:21, 36:21)
• OJ’s Wisdom: "Money’s too tight to mention...but I got the jab, and four years later, three years later, plap." (08:24, 08:53)
• Pop Culture Muddle: Extended, purposely confused cross-references to pop culture — Conrad Bain vs. Conrad Murray, Different Strokes vs. The State, etc.
• Absurd Parodies: “Help me rhombus!” (34:27); “Oppenhomies” for a Black version of Oppenheimer (28:15–28:29)

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Notable Quotes

• Scott: "We’re going to hash things out on this episode. We’re going to talk about thoughts, feelings. Nothing is off limits." (02:19)
• OJ: “There are no coincidences, but there are pre-incidences.” (09:08–09:14)
• Angus: “I just started a new podcast with Buffalo Wild Wings...we talk about political issues and then decide what kind of dipping sauce that political issue should get.” (13:15–13:27)
• Flasher Gremlin: “I just want to fucking waggle my crotch so bad right now...It’s not a sexual thing, it’s a power thing.” (39:45–39:52)
• OJ: “All I would do is dessert theft.” (72:15)
• Scott: "Is any alley blind, when it leads you into seeing?" (74:19)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:00: Scott’s opening improvised song & catchphrase
• 04:23: Introduction of “O.J. Simpson”
• 11:24: Angus steps in, viral podcaster
• 18:27: Flasher Gremlin’s arrival/apology
• 34:03: Roundtable re-opens post-ads ("Help Me Rhombus" riff)
• 38:09: Q1: Cartoon character hangout
• 49:46: Q2: Supernatural creature debate
• 60:14: Q3: “What age would you be forever?”
• 68:06: Q4: “If you could commit any crime…”
• 73:25: Skibidi Toilet explained
• 77:10: Plugs section
• 85:06: Show closes

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Tone and Style

The conversation is driven by fast-paced, tangential bits, rapid-fire character improvisation, and meta-commentary on podcasting and online culture. The episode is loose, unfiltered, and irreverently self-aware, prizing riffing and bits over actual answers to “issues of the day.” The comedic style is the CBB signature: playing dumb, literal misunderstanding, faux-naïveté, and world-class banter.

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Memorable Moments

• Meta-podcasting satire: Angus’s “clip podcast,” the contrast between actual podcasting and TikTok virality.
• **OJ’s sincere and surreal remorse over dying of "the jab" and reflections on COVID-era living.
• **Flasher Gremlin’s ongoing journey of self-improvement, apologizing for onscreen and real-life flashing, and the philosophical debates on consent.
• The "cereal/vagina/toppings" metaphor spiral, with atomic deadpan from all participants.
• Clarification and deadpan confusion about Skibidi Toilet as an emblem of internet culture’s absurdity.

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Final Thoughts

“Help Me Rhombus” delivers a classic Comedy Bang Bang blend of improvisational character work, satirical hot-button “issues,” pop culture non-sequiturs, and a profound lack of actual resolution—just the way fans like it. The real “issues of the day” are less about politics and more existential: What is Skibidi Toilet? What’s your body count? And will Phoebe Cates ever forgive a Gremlin?

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For More

• Listen Ad-Free: All CBB episodes available at cbbworld.com.
• Live Shows: CBB tours, UCB LA’s Convoy, and other pluggy goodness, all lurking in the plug bag.
• Empathy: Per Flasher Gremlin, “...think about the people we’ve affected. What would it feel like to have a little guy in a trench coat, sunglasses, and a cigarette pop out and flash their lack of a dick at them?” (81:59–82:03)

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[For full bit context and more, catch the episode on your fave podcast app or at cbbworld.com]

Transcript

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I jumped across a pond and stole a wizard's wand. But I went too quick and I stole his dick. Now I'm probably going to jail. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Oh, thank you to Jack Be Nimble for that. Oh, I wonder if it's the famous Jack B. Nimble that would be. What a treat that would be. Famous long jumper, I guess. Not a long jumper.

[B]

High.

[A]

Certainly over a candlestick. I wonder if I could jump over a candlestick. Sounds dangerous though. Maybe I'd turn it upside down. Ooh, sounds even more painful actually. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. Thanks to Jack. Jack be nimble, not Jack Knee Bimble for that catchphrase submission. My name is Scott Aukerman. We have an Exceptional show today. I will let you know who's on it. But every once in a while, an episode comes along where we've taken a little bit of a left turn in terms of format over the past year or so. That's right. It's time for the CBB Roundtable, where the table is round, but the issues are squarely within our sights. We're gonna. We're gonna hash things out on this episode. We're gonna talk about the issues of the day with an esteemed panel of guests here. We're gonna talk about thoughts, feelings. Nothing is off limits. Nothing is off limits. And everything is on this very, very round table that we have right in front of us. Let's get to our guests. He's been on the show many times before. He went to ucla, where. Nope, USC is actually what I meant to say, where he won the Heisman Trophy, you know, that gold trophy with the guy sticking his arms out. And he then went on to play for the Buffalo Bills, winning many Super Bowl. No, of course he didn't win Super Bowls. What I meant to say is winning nary a Super bowl, but became famous starring in a series of commercials for luggage, I believe, and then went on to star in movies like the Naked Gun, The Naked Gun two and a half and the Naked Gun 33 and a third. Then I lost track of him around 1992, somewhere around there. I kind of lost interest in his career and have no idea what he's been up to since then. Please welcome back to the show O.J. simpson.

[C]

Scott.

[A]

Hi, Scott.

[C]

It has been a while since I've seen you.

[A]

Yes, I think about you.

[C]

I just want to say thank you for re. I. When I get the call where I am now, you have to get calls to be released.

[A]

Where. Where are you now?

[C]

In the netherworld.

[D]

Oh, really?

[A]

Wait, did I. I think. Didn't we talk about this last time when you were on the show? Did you die recently?

[C]

I did. Isn't that something? Isn't that something when somebody dies? It's a terrible thing.

[A]

Although I guess people have to, in order to make space for everyone else.

[C]

Yes. It's not enough space on the planet. People think that the planet is just this vast amount of flat, you know, that is.

[A]

I don't know that people think that.

[C]

Every, you know, it's flat. And people think there's just this vast amount of flat land and desert and sea and things like that that everybody can just inhabitate. But they can't.

[A]

No, we do. Although I guess how, if you really wanted to get down to it. Lying down. How many people do we have space for on the Earth?

[C]

If everybody was lying down, like, yeah.

[A]

You want to be everyone to be able to sleep. Although I guess only half of them need to sleep at a time. So I guess. But you don't want people to have to migrate to the standing areas when they're welcome, you know what I'm saying?

[C]

That's the issue. See, there's desert, which is way too hot for everybody to lay down on, right? And there's frozen tundra, so no one can lie down.

[A]

So in the inhabitable portions of the earth, how much room is there for people to lie down and turn over once or twice when they're sleeping?

[C]

We're running out, and I tell you. And if it's a. If it's a wild sleeper, this thing is moving here. If it's a wild sleeper, you got, you know, somebody who kicks and moves all around, moans, screams nights constantly throughout their sleeping. If you have somebody who's bitching and moaning all night, it's going to be impossible for three or four other people if we're all laying down and we're all not in our homes.

[A]

So what kind of spatial diameter do we need around each person in order to make sure that if they're one of those types of sleepers, I'm just wondering, how many people can we fit on this Earth?

[C]

I would say we need at least six feet between everybody. Covid style.

[A]

A lot of good came out of COVID right?

[C]

A lot of good came out of.

[A]

I'd like to go back and relive that Covid lifestyle.

[C]

You know, a lot of people say it was bad. I was having a great time. I was having a great time. Let me tell you. I was. I. I did get the jab.

[A]

Oh, okay. Is that why you're. You died?

[C]

I think that's why. I think that's what killed me. Honestly, I think that's what killed me because I was in pretty good health.

[A]

Makes sense. I mean, it makes sense. You were alive, then you got the.

[C]

Jab, then you're dead, then you're dead, then you're dead. As simple as that. Scott. I was. I. I was living fine. I was golfing. I was living in Vegas. I wasn't allowed to come to California.

[A]

I don't know anything about that.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

I don't know anything about it.

[C]

I understand. I know a lot about. I was in. I was living in Vegas, having a great time on the golf course with my friends.

[A]

Vegas, baby.

[C]

They Say, Vegas, baby. They say, hey, why don't we all go down and go down to Caesar's palace? And at the sports book, they're giving away the jab. And I say, well, you know, I'm an older gentleman, and, you know, I gotta take care of my health. I gotta take care of who I am and your health and who you are. The two most important things I'll just say is God. Oh, man. And I got to go down there. And they're giving away the jab, and you get a free drink with. With every jab you cocktail. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And so I had a couple Jack and Cokes, and I got a couple jabs.

[A]

A couple of jabs.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just told them to do them all in the same day. You know, they were saying, you got to come back in three.

[A]

You got to space him out.

[C]

Yeah, you got to spread it out. You got to come back in three weeks.

[A]

But your body's strong. You can. Yeah, I'm.

[C]

I'm the juice, man. You know, as I. I may have been up there in age, but I'm the juice. I'm still pretty strong. So I said, give me three of those because I want the three free Jack and Cokes. And because, you know, money is not. Was it great at the time?

[A]

Money's too tight to mention.

[C]

Money was too tight to mention at the time. And so I said, I want these three drinks with my. With my fellows. And we're going to bet on the ponies. Because it was safe for the ponies to ride during the COVID Right?

[A]

Yeah. And also, you had money to bet on the ponies, but you didn't have money for drinks.

[C]

I'll just say it's good. I'm just saying.

[A]

You are just saying.

[C]

But I got the jab. And four years later, three years later, plap.

[A]

But I. I really haven't kept up with what's going on with you since 1992 or so. Is that how you died? You just. Pla.

[C]

Flap. Hit the ground. Not running. Hit the ground. Dying.

[A]

I'm just saying, Scott, I'm so sorry. I mean, I think there are no coincidences.

[C]

There are no coincidences. There are no coincidences, but there are pre incidences.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

And a lot of people don't think about that, Scott. You gotta think about the pre incidences before you can think about the coincidence. Because let's. Let's break that word down.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

Coincidence.

[A]

Co.

[C]

It's an incident. Co means two people.

[A]

Cooperation.

[C]

Cooperation. Co. Op. Co. Op. People Live in a co op. Coop, Coop, coop. Hanging with Mr. Cooper.

[A]

Conrad Bane.

[C]

Conrad Bane. The doctor that killed Michael Jackson, also the doctor that administered.

[A]

I don't think that was Conrad Bain. We. We want to make sure that the. The estate and family of Conrad Bane from Different Strokes doesn't. We don't get him confused with the person who killed Michael Jackson.

[C]

Conrad Bane, he was the father on Different Strokes. He took those two little black boys in and he.

[A]

What were his motivations, do you think?

[C]

Something. If something weird. Honestly, you gotta say, they never go.

[A]

Into it in the song. You know what I mean?

[C]

Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you may not be right for some. I think that Sou Man Boy love some Nambler stuff, if you will.

[A]

North American.

[C]

North American.

And I. And. And they don't talk about it.

[A]

They don't talk about it in the song, but it's pretty implicit.

[C]

Things like that are taboo in. In. In. In regular life. I'm just saying it's not my thing. I did enjoy the show back in the day, but. Yeah, Dr. Comrade Bane killed Michael Jackson. He also administered my jab, which in turn.

[A]

Oh, no, that's the wrong guy to get it from.

[C]

He gave me way too much.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I'm so sorry, OJ But I'm glad you made it out of the netherworld to be here.

[C]

Scott. Thank you for requesting me out. Yes. You know, I get a call over the intercom and it says O.J. to the O.J. to processing, and you go, what? Processing? Who's calling me to come up? And little did I know, my best friend, Scott Alkerman.

[A]

Wow. Being called up to the majors.

[C]

Scott Aukerman on ojsimpson.com still.

[A]

All right, O.J. well, we're going to get to the issues here today, but we need to introduce our other guests. Okay, I will. Take care. Thank you very much. Let's get to. This is a. A new podcaster. This is.

I. I think a little boy who has a.

[B]

Not little. No, no.

[A]

How old are you, sir?

[B]

I am ripe. 23.

[A]

You're 23? Oh, I'm sorry. I. Well, I mean, I guess you're a little boy and to a lot of people, to your parents, certainly.

[B]

Different strokes for different folks, I guess, saying, I can't believe the Juice is here. The Juice. I never thought you'd do it. You didn't do it.

[C]

No. Thank you for saying that. Finally, somebody.

[B]

What's up? Thank you for having me, Scott.

[A]

This is Angus, by the way.

[B]

Angus Montgomery Diana.

[A]

Angry Angus Montgomery Diana.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So are you, like. Who. Who are your parents? Like, Dirty Diana or.

[B]

No, no, no, Diana. We added on my reps. Added on.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To what end?

[B]

Just to sound cooler.

[A]

Okay. It does sound cool. Angus Montgomery Diana.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're a. You're a podcaster?

[B]

Yeah, I just started a new podcast with Buffalo Wild Wings.

[A]

Oh, is that a platform or. They're a restaurant.

[B]

They're a restaurant. I. And I. I'm the host of their pod now.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, they got a podcast now.

[A]

What does that entail?

[B]

Everybody's making stuff.

[A]

Is it like a Hot Ones kind of thing?

[B]

No, not really. I'm just talking about stuff I went viral.

During a year ago. Went viral because I made a clip about finding the clit and it went absolutely viral. And who's the. Oh, the. The royal clit.

[A]

Oh, okay. Megan Markles.

[D]

I wish.

[C]

Scott.

[B]

Damn, I wish. No, no, I just. I was doing. I was doing some stupid on the Internet and now I found myself a little career on here.

[A]

Okay, so you're a. You. You have the bu. What. What is the podcast called?

[B]

Yeah, so the podcast is called Chicken Things and Different Things.

[A]

Chicken Things and Different Things.

[B]

Yeah, that's what the pod's called. And we just talk. Yeah, we talk about political issues and then we decide what kind of dipping sauce that political issue should get.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, it's kind of like.

[A]

Do you have an example?

[B]

Well, I'll tell you what this is. This is why I'm not really used to normal podcasts, Scott, because it's a clip podcast.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

So we make clips.

[A]

You make clips of yourself of the podcast.

[B]

So we only do, like, one minute increments for Tick Tock. We don't do full episodes.

[A]

Okay, so you just record for a minute and then you're done. Yeah.

[B]

On a mic.

[A]

Oh, my God, I wish I could do that.

[B]

Yeah, it's wild, dude. And we. And we. The first sentence is usually something that'll go viral. Like.

[A]

Like what?

[B]

Like something similar to what you said where it was like, have you seen Meghan Markle's clit? I'll tell you what, I think that looks like immediate clicks.

[A]

Wow. What. What does it look like, do you think?

[B]

What'd you say?

[A]

What does it look like?

[B]

I think.

[A]

Or anyone's.

[B]

I think it shines.

[A]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, okay.

[B]

I think it shines like the top of the Empire State Building.

[A]

And. And this is a popular podcast we.

[B]

Just started, so my people are having me do A bunch of cool podcasts going around doing the press circuit.

[A]

Well, always happy to have another podcaster on this show. I talk about it all the time. The most desirable get.

[B]

Really? I. I really appreciate coming on here. I'm doing call your daddy tomorrow. What A wide range.

[A]

Call your daddy or her daddy. We've never been able to figure that out. Whoa.

[B]

I actually never thought about that. Call her debt. Call your daddy. Call, call.

[A]

Call yours.

[B]

I don't think it would be call her daddy. It's called you.

[A]

It's. It's got to be one of the two.

[B]

I think both sound hot.

[A]

Yeah. Well, thanks for being on the show. So, I mean, it sounds to me like you have a lot of great experience that will kind of help out in this roundtable situation. You're able to tackle the issues of the day.

[B]

Yeah, for sure. I'll say a bunch of. That'll sound funny, but it's really. There's nothing under there. Oh, you know what I mean? Just like big buzzwords, right? Cuz that's like, kind of how. Like, cuz I'm from Tampa. I'm no comedian. I'm no podcaster. I'm just.

[A]

You're from Tampa?

[B]

Tampa, Florida, Florida. Tampa, Florida.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Forever, man. Forever.

[A]

And you're 23, you said?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. And you're. You're from Tampa and went viral a year ago. Did you always want to be an entertainer?

[B]

Honestly? No, dude. I honestly wanted to be a substitute teacher forever.

[A]

Why a substitute? Instead of.

[B]

Really easy to take time off, you kind of just clock in. There's a whole interface for substitute teachers.

[A]

Well, I guess you don't clock in. Like.

[B]

Yeah, you. That's what I meant. You just kind of clock in. You just say.

[A]

When you're a veil, you clock in and say, I'm not available.

[B]

Yeah, you clock.

[A]

And they're like. But you just clocked in.

[B]

It's exactly it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So, yeah, so it's been. It's been a whirlwind. I never thought I would be in the entertainment industry.

[A]

Well, I mean, you're in podcasting, which is adjacent.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's. It's wild. Especially because, like, the. When I got moved out here, they put cameras on me, and I was like, I thought this was a pod. Right.

[A]

So they, they. They moved you out here because you. You somehow taped yourself, uploaded it to the Internet. It became viral. Yeah, you got moved out here by a. A shady consortium of. Of entertainment folk who then are videotaping you at all hours of the day.

[B]

Yeah, no, my Management. My management team sent me out here. They said we can get a lot further in your career if we. If we bring you.

[A]

You didn't even have a career at this point, literally.

[B]

And that's how, like, this works now, dude.

[A]

Right?

[B]

It's crazy. I took a couple generals. I took a general with Baskin Robbins.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Everyone's trying to get in the space.

[A]

They have 31 flavors.

[B]

They do.

[A]

You know, I. I think about that because, I mean, 31 flavors has been around since I was a kid. How many flavors did they used? Did other places have? Was it like three or something like this?

[B]

Yeah, I think. What's the one at Rite Aid? Rita's?

[A]

Nope.

[B]

There's one at Rite Aid.

[A]

Right. Right. Aid. And Rita's is so close that it sounds like it could be.

[B]

It feels like the ice cream shop for writing.

[A]

It feels like a Trader Jose's kind of situation.

[B]

Yes. Oh, damn. I don't know the name of the ice cream place in Right.

[A]

But I guess he used to go into an ice cream emporium.

[C]

Thrifties.

[B]

OJ thanks.

[A]

Where were you?

[B]

What's going on over here?

[C]

I was sitting here listening intently. I like this guy. And I like the city of Tampa.

[B]

Dude, you ever want to lay your hands and hug Marcia Clark?

[C]

You know what? Me and Marsha went on a couple dates after the trip. No.

[B]

Shut up. You're kidding.

[C]

Marsha and I went out a couple times. I took it to Spago.

[A]

I don't know who Marcia Clark is because I didn't keep up with what was going on with you. An attorney, but. Oh, an attorney.

[B]

She represented the state.

[A]

The comedy troupe?

[B]

No, the state versus O.J. simpson.

[A]

Oh, I don't know what that is.

[C]

Don't give him too much backstory.

[B]

Sorry. Okay.

[C]

It helps out dynamic. The less he knows.

[B]

Oh, he has no idea.

[C]

I'm just saying. Take care.

[A]

Well, Angus Montgomery. Diana, this fascinating individual, and I hope that you'll be quite comfortable here. We want to open our doors.

[B]

I appreciate. I appreciate it.

[A]

And I hope you're enjoying the sanded edges of the round table.

[B]

Yeah, we all take turns.

[A]

We. We do. We do indeed. And speaking of taking turns, let's get to our third guest in the roundtable. He is a mischievous creature of note. You may have seen him in.

At least one of the.

Cinematic treasures that are the Gremlins franchise. One or two. How many were you in?

[D]

I'm in both. I'm in both.

[A]

You're in both? I'm in both. Please welcome, for the first time on this show, Flasher Gremlin.

[D]

Hi. Yeah. And you know, Sky, I just want to thank you for the opportunity to come and be on the show.

[A]

My pleasure. It's so great to have you on the show. You are, of course, if you have not seen the Gremlins franchise, you.

How would we describe what happens in these movies? Basically, like you pour water on a. Yeah.

[D]

There's, you know, it's kind of. There's a bunch of things going on, but really what it is is there's a mogwai. The mogwai gets wet and then we pop out of its back and we wreak havoc.

[A]

And the mogwais still exist or do.

[D]

They die from the sun? No, the mogwai still exist, though we do try pretty hard to kill them. But the we, you know, it's based on how we exist and what our real experience is. And obviously Hollywood took liberties with it and that sort.

[A]

So you're the real Flasher Gremlin, not the cinematic one or both?

[D]

Both. Both. So it's sort of like I'm cast. It's sort of like how in Happy Gilmore 2, clearly Sandler's casting a bunch.

[A]

Of real golfers and Bob Barker in number one.

[D]

Yeah, so, like that.

[A]

Yeah. So he's not only Bob Barker on the Price is Right, but then he plays him in this fictionalized.

[D]

Right, exactly. So in Gremlins, you know, Gizmo, the mogwai is a puppet voiced by Howie Mandel, but all the gremlins are the actual grem.

[A]

Famous germaphobe.

[D]

That's right. Yeah. Gizmo hated germs.

[A]

Yeah. So you were a Flasher Gremlin and they.

[D]

Yeah, I just want to get ahead of it. Yeah. Right here. Because, you know, like. Like that's it. You know, like, I mean, everyone calls me Flasher Gremlin and I guess.

[A]

Is that not your name?

[D]

It is my ting style and I.

[A]

The anti Ting tings.

[D]

That's my name. Uh huh. That is my name. And.

I just wanted to come out. I just wanted. I'm not the same person I used to be. And I know now that what I did then wasn't right. It just wasn't right. And I want to apologize to everyone my actions affected.

[A]

I think that is a brave stance to take to apologize when one has done wrong to the public or to individuals.

[C]

Mr. Gremlin, if I may never apologize.

[D]

You know, and I hear you, Juice, but like, I just feel like, you know, I spent about 25 years of my life just going around in a Trench coat and glasses with a cigarette hanging out of my jagged little teeth. And if I saw a lady, and it was normally Phoebe Cates, I would open my jacket and I would waggle. I don't have genitals, but if I did, I would waggle where the genitals are.

[A]

Are you smooth down there? Is that what's going on? Smooth?

[D]

No, but I don't have genitals.

[B]

Rough.

[D]

Yeah, ribbed. Roughed. Exactly. It is disgusting behavior. It's disgusting behavior. And I, I, I know that I can't.

[A]

Or Angus, what were you saying? His genitals were disgusting.

[B]

I was saying having no genitals, but it being rough.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

Yeah, I would think it would be either. Have genitals.

[A]

Do you mind if we get a peek?

[D]

Is that I'm really trying to get away from. I mean, I'll show you. I just want to make it clear this isn't a flash. This is a request.

[A]

This is a request.

[D]

Yeah. And this is like a legal thing that I just do we have consent.

Fully consent. Scott Ackerman, you consent, I consent.

[A]

I'd like to get just a little peek as to what you're working with. So.

[D]

See, so it's like ribbed. It's like a, Like a, Like a.

[A]

You put the cigarette in your mouth to do this.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Well, I can't hold it because I'm holding open my. I'm holding open my coat, so I have to keep it in my mouth. And, you know, I would go like, ah, like that. And then PBK would kick me. And it's. It's not right. It's, you know, it's not right. To do what?

[A]

To subject that upon another living creature.

[D]

You all gave consent, and that's binding, and that's lifetime. So now for the three of you.

[A]

It'S like, wait, I don't know. That we consented for a lifetime.

[D]

You can't.

[C]

Binding. Lifetime.

[D]

Binding. Lifetime.

[C]

I don't know how that works for me.

[B]

Yeah, I thought consent, like.

[A]

Yeah, OJ's dead.

[D]

Okay, so OJ. You're out of it.

[C]

Yeah. I can still sue.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

In the court of God.

[B]

But why is it wrong all of a sudden? I don't get it.

[D]

It was always wrong. Angus and I just didn't understand. And it was a different time. I'm not making excuses. It was a different time. A lot of people were wearing trench coats and waggling.

[A]

It was always wrong. We just didn't think it was.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

No one thought it was wrong.

[C]

No.

[D]

One thought it was. And, you know, I'm not one of those big cancel culture guys. I understand. Time moves on. That's good. But I'm just saying, like, you know, I'm ready to move on with my life.

[A]

So what do you. What do you do with your time now if you're not going around flashing Phoebe Cates?

[D]

Yeah, I avoid water and I avoid the sun and I try.

[A]

Why do you have to avoid water?

[D]

Because otherwise more pop out of me.

[A]

Was that the lore? I can't remember.

[D]

Well, you make me doubt it, but, yeah, I'm pretty sure that maybe I. Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm 100% certain because in Gremlins, when we're shooting, there's a part where they go and one of them goes into a fountain and a bunch start popping up and they kill them.

[A]

Right. Oh, okay. So you don't want that to happen.

[D]

I don't want that. I'm not ready to be a dad. I don't think. I don't think my head is there.

[C]

They come out full size?

[D]

No, they come out little and then they grow very fast. Wow.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I haven't seen the film, no.

[A]

You haven't seen Gremlins or Gremlins to the New Batch?

[C]

No. Some of my favorite 80s films. Guy, you might like some of these. Scent of a Woman.

[B]

Oh, you're just listing them the 90s.

[C]

Yeah, baps.

[A]

90S, I believe.

[C]

Mid 90s.

[A]

That was a 2010 era film about the mid 90s.

[C]

Those are some of my favorite 80s movies.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

All right. Well, you were busy.

[C]

So busy.

[A]

So, Flasher Gremlin, what do you. What do you do with your time now?

[D]

Well, you know, I'm trying. I'm working on self improvement. You know, I'm volunteering at several boys clubs, boys and girls clubs. Just trying to help people who are coming up and just sort of being like, let them learn from my experience, you know, just because you don't have to lash out just because you grew up in a bad situation.

[A]

Is that what happened to you? What was your situation?

[D]

Well, I was trapped in a mogwai's back until it got wet, and then I sprang out and then I spent a lot of time trying to kill. I guess my parent doesn't really have gender.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's tough. I mean, to get anyone getting their back wet. Yes.

[D]

Think about it. Just your back getting wet is a deeply unpleasant sensation to anybody. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you miss it?

[D]

What? Waggling?

[A]

Flashing, waggling. Phoebe Cates in general.

[B]

I like you, dude.

[D]

I think we all. Phoebe Cates. It would be great if she.

[A]

Do you think Kevin Kline is keeping her under lock and key?

[D]

Honestly? Here's the thing, Scott. I have wondered what's going on.

[A]

I mean, it's. You know, she had a great career, and then maybe she just wanted to become a mother and didn't want to act. I mean, Mia Sara just came back in the Life of Chuck after.

[D]

I can't rule out that I wasn't a part of it. I mean, she did at least two different movies where I put her in a situation that she shouldn't have to be in, where I was hiding behind a counter and I popped out waggling my lack of a dick at her. And that's not right. And if I had. I'll do this right now. I'll apologize to Phoebe Cates right now on Comedy Bang Bang. I'm sorry I did that to you in two different films.

[A]

Phoebe, if you're listening, and we hope you are, and if Kevin Kline is doing something nefarious with you and you need to escape, you can do that. What is the help sign you put? Your.

[D]

What you're doing with your fingers is very offensive. I know the podcast listeners can't listen, but I. I'm certain.

[A]

I think I'm doing the Sufi Dane Cook. Sufi. But by the way, did you do that kind of thing to Phoebe Cates Offset as well? And that's why they put it in the film 100%.

[D]

Yeah. I was known for that before the film. And they were like, well, we got Phoebe. And so on the day. That's her real reaction.

[A]

Oh, no, I didn't know you were gonna be fun. No.

[D]

So this will be funny. And she did not find it funny, but it kind of launched my career.

[A]

And what else have you done in your career?

[D]

Oh, I got cut out of Beverly Hills, but I was one of the Girl Scouts in that. But they're like, it's distracting that the gremlin's here.

[A]

It's distracting enough that Jenny Lewis is one of them.

[D]

It is, yeah. It's very distracting.

[A]

There should be. If you ever cast a kid in a film, you should have an ironclad contract that says you cannot become famous after this film. You have to quit.

[D]

Yeah, you can't.

[A]

All show business related stuff.

[D]

You can't do something else. Cause that's what really does it, right? Being like, that's, you know, like, I'm thinking now I'm thinking about Rilo Kiley, but I should Be thinking about those red feathers. Why are they being such bitches to the Beverly Hills troupe?

[A]

You know?

[B]

Damn, that's deep.

[A]

Agreed. Agreed. O.J. any. Any opinion on this troop Beverly Hills?

[C]

I haven't seen the film, but I'll tell you some of the films that I have seen.

[B]

Oh, we're gonna list them again.

[C]

A Coal Miner's Daughter.

[A]

Just one. A Coal Miner's Daughter.

[C]

A Coal Miner's Daughter starring Sissy Spacey and Tommy Lee Jones. I believe it came out 1980.

[A]

I think so.

[C]

Loretta Lynn and her husband Dolittle enjoyed that one.

[A]

What's his name? Do Little. Like Dr. Do Little.

[C]

Like Dr. Do little. Do Little.

[A]

Lynn, do you think he was Dr. Dolittle? Was he like the prototypical?

[C]

Well, I'm sure.

[A]

Did he ever talk to animals in that film? I can't.

[C]

He didn't talk to animals in that film, but that probably would have been the sequel. Honestly, that film was mostly about Loretta Lynn in her life, which I. I think was in a fantastic life.

[A]

Sure. I mean, she an incredible singer, did such amazing things in the entertainment space, but. But I'd rather see a movie about her husband talking to animals.

[C]

Yeah. And played by a black guy.

Eddie Murphy.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

That guy's funny at least.

[A]

Robert Downey Jr. Yeah, Robert Downey Jr.

[C]

In blackface. You know, people get so upset about that.

[A]

About Robert Downey Jr.

[C]

I think that's one of the best performances. Yeah, he deserved an Oscar for that.

[A]

He did. Well, he got one for Oppenheimer eventually.

[B]

So same thing comes out in the.

[C]

Wash. Yeah, they should add Oppenheimer. Be a black guy.

[B]

Yeah, why not?

[C]

People get so upset when you ask for. They go, here's the thing that people do. They say, James Bond can't be black.

[D]

They do that.

[C]

James Bond can't be black. Can you imagine if Martin Luther King was played by a white man? And I go, first of all, hilarious.

[A]

But.

Why don't they remake Oppenheimer but the black version. Call it Oppenhomies or something like that.

[C]

Now, Scott, you're barking up the wrong tree.

[A]

Whoa. What? Whoa.

[B]

I am learning so much, man.

[C]

Let's. Let's pitch on that.

[A]

Let's pitch on it.

[C]

Let's pitch on a title. I don't know if Oppen Homies is why. Cuz it was his name. So I think so.

[A]

What if he changed his name? What if they have. There was a scene where he goes down to the, the courthouse and he's.

[B]

He'S like, I want a legal name change.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I want A legal name change. And then at the courthouse, he gets arrested for fine.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

See, Scott, you pocket up the wrong tree, my man.

[A]

For, like, warrants.

[C]

Oh, see, now you're doing it again, Scott. Yeah, he's getting more where that came from.

You don't want to play. You don't want to play with me, Scott. I'm not one to play with.

[A]

I don't know what you're talking about. You're just a nice, gentle soul. As far as I could tell. Running through airports, jumping over luggage hurts.

Donut. But we have to take a break, actually. But then we're gonna get to the round table. How's that sound? You guys got there. You guys ready to talk about the issues of the day?

[D]

Very excited. Very excited.

[B]

Exhausted.

[A]

Yeah. We're going to talk about what's going on in the news lately, what people's feelings are about every. All of this stuff that's happening. I'm sure everyone has heard about what's going on lately.

[D]

A lot of things.

[A]

The main issues of the day. We're going to talk about all of this. We're going to be right back with more OJ more Angus Montgomery, Diana, more Flasher Gremlin. This is the CBB Roundtable. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

[C]

Take care.

[A]

Hey, this podcast, Comedy Bang Bang, is brought to you by Squarespace. What's Squarespace? I've been talking about them for a decade now. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or maybe you're scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. Every dream needs a domain, doesn't it? I've always said that. I said that before Squarespace came along. Every dream needs a domain. Squarespace Domains makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all inclusive price. No hidden fees or add ons required. And with Squarespace's collection of cutting edge design tools, anyone can build a beautiful professional online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business. Start with Blueprint AI, Squarespace's AI Enhanced Design partner. Or choose from a library of professionally designed and award winning website templates. I don't know why I'm doing this voice now, no matter where you start, your website is flexible to what you need. Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial. And when you're ready to Launch use offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh my gosh. The holidays are almost here. Oh, it's too quick. It's too quick. It seems like baby New year just rang in 2025 and already the holidays are here. Boy, there's so many things that need to be done. So many rooms in the house that need final touches, decor. Well, look, if you're like me and you need something fast, get what you need with Wayfair. From bedding and linens to decor for every room in the house, Wayfair is your one stop shop. There's something for every style and every home. No matter your space or your budget. Wayfair makes it easy to tackle your home goals and gift list with an endless inspiration for every space and budget. Fast and easy delivery, even on the big stuff. That's right. No, they're not. Like you order a huge life sized Santa, I guess. Or even bigger than life sized.

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[C]

Welcome back to Listen to youo Heart.

[D]

I'm Jerry.

[C]

And I'm Jerry's Heart. Today's topic, Repatha Evoloki Map Heart. Why'd you pick this one?

[A]

Well, Jerry, for people who have had.

[C]

A heart attack like us, diet and exercise might not be enough to lower the risk of another one. Okay. To help know if we're at risk, we should be getting our LDL C, our bad cholesterol checked, and talking to our doctor. I'm listening. And if it's still too high, Repatha can be added to a statin to lower our LDL C and our heart attack risk. Hmm.

[A]

Guess it's time to ask about Repatha. Do not take Repatha if you're allergic to it. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Get medical help right away. If you have trouble breathing or swallowing. Swelling of the face, lips, tongue, throat or arms. Common side effects include runny nose, sore throat, common cold symptoms, flu or flu like symptoms. Back pain, high blood sugar and redness. Pain or bruising at the injection site.

[C]

Listen to your heart.

[D]

Ask your doctor about Repatha. Learn [e-mail] or call 1-844-Repatha.

[A]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. This is the CBB Round Table. Where the table is round but there are no triangles.

Issue squarely in our sights. Was the best one. I'm trying to think of a triangle one. What are other shapes? Pentagons.

[D]

Hexagons.

[A]

Hexagons.

[C]

Pentagrams.

[D]

Rhombus.

[A]

Rhombus.

[D]

Rhombus. Might be something there.

[A]

Yeah. Help me Rhombus.

[D]

Just as good.

Just as good. Just say it all together. Well, you gotta say it all together.

[A]

This is the CBB Roundtable, where the table is round, but help me rhombus.

[D]

Whoa.

[B]

Okay, so will you edit that other out?

[A]

Our editing machine is broken. I don't know what kind of budget you're working with on your podcast, but.

[B]

Yeah, you just leave all that in.

[A]

Well, pasta. Pasta was here the other day. She needed a bleep or he. I'm not really sure what pasta. Pasta is, but bleeps cost $50,000 now.

[B]

In the podcast industry.

[A]

Yeah, it's tariffs. Yeah, it's with the tariffs. So Passapasta fronted us for two bleeps, but yeah, so that's why you really want to be careful with the cursing and anything you want to bleep out, like legally, like a name, you know, if you're talking about someone in, you know, like Conrad Bane, who killed Michael Jackson.

[C]

Dr. Conrad Bane.

[A]

This is the CBB Roundtable. We have our panel of guests here. We have O.J. simpson here.

[C]

Scott, you got another one of these DCs?

[A]

I did. I bought. I buy them one at a time.

[C]

Wow. Selfish.

[A]

Do you want. Do you want some of this one? No, I'll pour it into a glass.

[C]

No, thank you.

[A]

Limited amount of backwash.

[C]

No, thank you.

[B]

You want some of my Celsius Arctic vibe?

[C]

No, thanks. You shouldn't be drinking that stuff.

[A]

Stuff?

[B]

Why not?

[C]

It's bad for you.

[A]

In what?

[C]

I think this voice is merging into, like a macho man. Randy.

[A]

Who knows? We also have Angus Montgomery, Diana, podcaster, here.

[B]

Just here as a student.

[A]

Just here as a student of life.

[B]

Yeah, I am promoting my pod, but I. I don't know anything about it.

[A]

And that is the Buffalo Wild Wings.

[B]

What was it called again? Chicken Tings and other things or something.

[A]

Chicken tings.

[B]

Chicken things and other things.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And people can get that in one minute increments on TikTok.

[B]

Yeah, we're doing clips.

[A]

Doing clips. And we also have a flasher Gremlin is here.

[D]

And I'd like to apologize again to everyone I've harmed by showing my lack of dick to them.

[A]

Yeah. Now, the people who saw the Gremlins films, you were always back facing the camera, is that correct?

[D]

No, no, no, no, no. They shot me front on, and they would just set aside a day just to shoot me.

[A]

So Ben Affleck in that. That movie where he's taking the shower, what is that one where his wife leaves Gone Girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gun Girl style.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. It's like Gone Girl style. It's been a minute since Gone Girl.

[A]

But Gone Girl style.

[B]

Holy crap. Yeah, I think it's probably something that was not something. That was nothing.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The reviews are in. Well, guys, the. The table is round and we're getting to the issues here. You guys ready to open up the issue bag? CBB Roundtable? Yes.

[D]

Let's do it. Yeah.

[A]

All right, here we go. All right, first question. We all know what's been going on these days in the news. There's, first of all, everything going on in Washington D.C. our nation's capital. But then it seems as if the chaos has extended out into other states, other areas as well. Honestly, sometimes it feels almost like this is a bit of a global problem as well, with, you know, all of the issues, everything going on. And every day it seems like you wake up in the morning and you'll. You'll open your phone or your. Your. You'll turn on the. The local news and you'll see like, oh, is this still going on? Oh, a new wrinkle here. Oh, my gosh. Wow. This is metastasized into a new issue. And it just seems like every day there's more news. Does that make sense? So we're here to tackle that. All right, first question on the CBB Roundtable. If you could hang out with any cartoon character, who would you choose and why?

[D]

Oh, that's a great question. I'd hang out with the baby from Roger Rabbit with the cigar.

[A]

The cigar, yeah. Did he have a name?

[D]

Probably Ernie.

[A]

Maybe.

[D]

Maybe.

[A]

I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking of Sesame Street.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

There's different in almost every way.

[A]

Should Ernie on Sesame street have had a cigar?

[D]

He could.

[A]

He could picture it.

[D]

I feel like Bert Would lose his mind.

[B]

Bert would hate that there are people that you look at them and you go, you have a face for cigars.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You're like, that's you.

[D]

I know a guy who's cigar gremlin. Because every gremlin has like one defining thing. And honestly, he's tedious to be around.

[A]

Around.

[D]

Yeah, he's very tedious to be around.

[A]

A lot of people have some tedious.

[D]

Yeah, like, it's like, you know, he. If you go to his house, it's like too clean and you can just tell. You're like, oh, you don't touch any of this stuff. This is just for me. And he just wants to, like, talk about, like, big picture issues all the time.

[A]

It's like gremlins have houses.

[D]

Yeah, well, you mean. Of course we have houses.

[A]

Are they tiny? Like, because you guys are so much tinier?

[D]

No, they're normal sized houses. You can't.

[A]

Why do you need that much space?

[D]

Well, you need that much space.

That could fit you in the box, I guess. But someday you all be fitting boxes.

[A]

I make sure all of my ceilings are three inches above my head.

[D]

Yeah, it is low, but like, I don't know, Grandma's like a little bit of space.

[A]

Juice.

[D]

You had to have had a big house, right?

[C]

Huge.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Massive Rockingham is what it was called.

[D]

Okay, thank you.

[A]

Yeah, but I feel like if you were to live in a normal, just like two bedroom house that humans lived in, that would be like a mansion for you because you're so small.

[D]

I gotta tell you, I don't like how patronizing you sound right now, Scott, because, like, you know, I'm just a being, you know? Yeah, I'm mystical, mythical, whatever. But like, you know, sometimes we need cupboard space too. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Our plates are the same size. We don't have littler plates.

[B]

Easy there, dude. You're on an apology, man.

[D]

I just want to fucking waggle my crotch. It's got so bad right now. And I want to tell you all again, like, you know, it's not a sexual thing. It's a power thing. And right now I'm getting my ire up.

[A]

Okay, well, you do have consent for me, I guess.

[D]

Until I die. Yeah, until the day you die. So anyway, I want to be friends with the baby from Roger.

[A]

Why would you want to be friends with him?

[D]

He seems like a gag ass.

[A]

Yeah, he seems fun. I guess. He seems funny.

[D]

He's always like. And he's always.

[A]

That's off camera, though.

[D]

Yeah, off camera, within the camera. You Know, we get to see it in Roger Rabbit, but when they're shooting, you know, the cartoons, he's just.

[A]

It's sort of like. I don't know if our listeners have seen the Roger Rabbit short films, but it's a lot like the office in American Workplace where you see behind the scenes of what's going on.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. You get to. You get to get a little glimpse of how Hollywood is really made. And also the trolley system, the red car system here.

[A]

Yeah. It's a nice intersection of those two.

[D]

Interests, and those are two of interests.

[A]

Okay, so baby from Roger Rabbit.

[D]

Baby from Roger.

[A]

Wonderful. Angus.

[B]

Okay, off the top of my head, I. I'd probably say Ed. Ed Neddy. Do you remember them?

[A]

I don't. Who. Who's Ed?

[B]

The Cartoon Network show that was on for a brief second. I think it was three brothers.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

One. Two of them named Ed and one named Eddie.

[B]

Ed and Eddie. I actually don't know if both were named Ed. I don't know anything about them, but it's. It sticks in my brain.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

Oh, yeah. 1D, 2D's, and 3DS. With an eye.

[A]

With a Y.

[B]

With a Y. Yeah. I just remember those guys. I think I. I was like 8 and I saw them on the TV and I went, that's what being free looks like.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah, I. I brought them up here. They look. One of them is wearing shorts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Are you not allowed to wear shorts?

[B]

No. I just love that he's doing that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the people around him are probably not in shorts. That's awesome. That's art.

[A]

Do you feel like he's taking his. His long pants and shortening them, or does he buy them as shorts?

[B]

Oh, I don't know, man. There's a whole story there. That's your clip. Clip.

[A]

That one. One seems to be wearing, like, an army surplus jacket of sorts.

[B]

I just remember those three guys got up to no good and no one cared. No one. No.

[A]

No consequences.

[B]

No consequences. No rules. No religion. No. It was just all. It was all okay.

[D]

Did you come from a really constricting back? It sounds like you're pushing.

[B]

Yeah, I went to a private school.

[A]

Yeah? How private?

[B]

Pretty private. Pretty crusty privates if I'm all right.

[D]

No, don't.

[A]

Speaking of 1D.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, yeah, I. I think those boys at that time were really free to me, and I was like, I just would love to just, like, run around and not give a.

[A]

Now I'm looking at the description on the Wikipedia Page and it says the trio frequently invites events, schemes to make money from their peers to purchase their favorite confection. Jawbreakers. Yes.

[B]

And they ate those big ass jawbreakers in their mouth.

[A]

So if you were to hang out with them, you would perhaps get some of the runoff. Jawbreakers.

[B]

Yeah, probably. And I think what I do remember now. Now. Okay, this is all coming to light. I should have picked somebody. I know, but now I'm remembering everything. And their schemes were crazy.

[A]

Yeah. What kind of schemes? Like the Phoenician scheme.

[B]

I don't know, man. I don't know, man.

[A]

That was a crazy scheme. Recently in the news, I found this.

[C]

Under the cap under the captain's chair. Oh, dear. Well, how long does it say? 18 minutes.

[A]

OJ you are a gifted mimic.

[D]

I forget that you're such a good actor sometimes. OJ man, what an actor.

[A]

Dude.

[D]

I didn't. It was like two different people sitting across from me.

[A]

Well, that's. That's a great entry here. Ed. Ed and Eddie. OJ who would you hang out with?

[C]

I'm gonna say Sugar Bear from the Golden Crisp commercial.

[A]

Not strictly a cartoon, but a cartoon character nonetheless.

[B]

From a commercial?

[C]

Yeah. Golden Crisp Post Golden Crisp. A nice breakfast cereal. I'm gonna say Sugar Bear.

[A]

What was Sugar Bear?

[D]

What?

[A]

What were Sugar Bear?

[C]

He was cool, man. He was cool.

[A]

Did he have sunglasses?

[C]

He didn't have sunglasses. The uniform of a cool in the 50s or so. But I think they took that away because it was a little too beatnik probably.

[A]

Well, also the eyes are the. To the soul you usually want in a cartoon.

[C]

You want to see it. If I'm going to buy cereal, I need to connect with the character and I.

[A]

Has that always been the case for you when you're buying?

[C]

Always. Fred Flintstone got me so deep into Fruity Pebbles. I. I tell you what, Tony the Tiger was strong. He believed in his series.

[B]

Great.

[C]

I absolutely trust that guy. He. He reminds me of guys I played football with. Toucan Sam. I don't know if I fully trusted Toucan Sam because. Because he'd fly all over the place, following his nose wherever it goes. And sometimes he'd leave the kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, in the jungle there'd be huge snakes around and things like that. And that's unsafe environment for some children.

[A]

Yeah. So that he's untrustworthy.

[C]

Yes, in a lot of ways.

[A]

To can Sam and the tricks. Tricks rabbit. I mean, at least he comes out there and says that, you know, and.

[C]

Can I say something hot take.

[A]

Okay, clip it.

[B]

Clip It. Here we go.

[C]

Clip this. Put this on. Put this on the Instagram.

Tricks. Not the tastiest cereal.

[A]

Wow. I, you know, I mean, aren't they all just sugar?

[C]

Scott, there's no time for that.

[B]

If you go down that line of thinking, then we're doing that for all desserts.

[C]

Yeah. You like certain desserts more than you like others.

[B]

Boobs are all boobs.

[C]

Angus is right.

[B]

Different types of boobs.

[A]

I mean, vaginas are all vaginas. Just the topping is different.

[C]

The topping. What's the top?

[B]

That's seriously deep. I'm learning so much.

[C]

Much salt.

[A]

Everything around it, I guess, is what I'm saying.

[D]

Huh.

[B]

Honestly, I don't mean to be woke, but I can't think of one lady mascot for the cereal.

[A]

For cereal. Yeah.

[C]

There's.

[B]

Is there a girl in Snack Crackle and Pop?

[A]

No, no, no. Oh, my God.

[B]

Are they all boys?

[C]

But there is like a, A princess. Like a strawberry princess princess thing. I think I know. I, I, I like to eat the, the Cinderella Fruits.

[A]

We have Carmella, Creeper from Monster Cereal and Dash from Off Limits.

[D]

I just want to interject to say I think we all moved on from what Scott just said way too fast.

I'm not ready to move on from all vaginas the same. It's just the toppings are different.

[C]

It's just the toppings are different.

[D]

Because I think that's reflective of a disturbing worldview.

[A]

I'm not the weird one. You're the weird one, Flasher.

[B]

I am.

[D]

I'm working on it. I'm working on the growth. I need to stop flashing people. Specifically Phoebe Cates. And I'm just going to be hung up on that sentence I just heard.

[B]

No, it is, it is for you to say that you must have seen a lot of vaginas.

[A]

I, I mean, you know, if you're asking what my body count is, that's not a.

[C]

What's your body count?

[A]

That's not a point of discussion here.

[B]

Clip it.

[A]

That's not what we do here on the round table. We are talking about the hot button issues of the day, not the hot buttons that we personally have been involved in.

[C]

What? Genuine question to the Round Table Trust trick cereal.

[D]

Okay. Yeah.

[C]

Do you like the taste of. Did you grow up eating tricks?

[D]

No, I try. I remember. I, you know what? I used to try it. Like, I feel like regularly, every couple years, I'd be. I'm trying tricks again. It is. You're right. You're right. It tastes like. It tastes cardboardy.

[B]

Tricks Is like chicken sausage where you're like, it's not sausage. Sausage being lucky charms.

[C]

I do like a chicken apple sausage. If you.

[A]

What is it about adding apple to it that makes it more powerful?

[C]

There's a sweetness, it cuts the savory. It's. It's pretty good. Good. Do you like chicken apple Angus?

[B]

I'm just like, if I'm doing a sausage.

[C]

You want pork. You want pork.

[B]

But you're right. I've never met a chicken sausage. Only chicken apple. What is that?

[A]

Yeah, what is that about? And what do you get sausage down in the netherworld, wherever you are?

[C]

Oh yeah, there's plenty of animals down there who've done really bad things that we cut.

[B]

Well, that's nice.

[D]

What happens? Do they just regenerate? They come back. Oh, that's rough for them.

[C]

They regenerate. It's tough.

[A]

Tricks.

[B]

Tricks.

[C]

You Fruity Pebbles are tricks or are Fruit loops?

[D]

You determined on this question?

[C]

I really want to know your answer.

[B]

I'd say I'd marry Fruity Pebbles. I'd.

The other one fruit the other one Fruit Loops. Loops. And I'd kill. And I'd kill tricks.

[C]

I, I 100% agree with that.

[D]

That's pretty good.

[C]

100%.

[A]

Yeah. Do we have to one of these cereals? That's just what I. Scott.

[B]

Mary Kill clips are teaching here.

[A]

Just any ser.

[C]

No, no. Mary kill. Fruity Pebbles, Fruit Loops tricks.

[A]

I'd the Fruit Loops cuz they're circles.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Spoken by someone with a high body count.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, real pro.

[A]

What are the other two tricks in fru.

[C]

Pebbles and tricks.

[A]

Yeah, I'd marry Fruity Pebbles. And I'd kill. Kill tricks.

[B]

There you go.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Scott was. What was cereal like in the 80s?

[A]

We. We were, you know, we only got a few at my local store, but we were, we were. That was the, the aisle that we always wanted to go through. And I think my, my mom had a, A rule that if sugar was in the first three ingredients that we couldn't buy it.

[C]

Wow. Tough childhood.

[A]

Yeah, it was tough stuff.

[C]

So you had to eat like, like Bran flakes.

[A]

Yeah. And corn flakes. What's. What's the one. Where did you. Were you ever on that? All the Olympians are on it. Wheaties. Ye.

[C]

I. I was. I probably was on a Wheaties box. I can't remember back.

[A]

You've done so much stuff OJ that.

[C]

Like I probably was on the wheat box sometime.

[A]

Guys, we've come to our next topic here.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

On the round table. Are you guys Ready for it.

[C]

Hopefully it's about cereal.

[D]

We can make it.

[A]

We've all seen what's going on these days. Every time you open a newspaper, seems as if article after article is popping up where people are saying, like, oh, my God, did you hear about this thing that's going on? Oh, well, guess what? There's. There's a new thing that's happening that you got to pay attention to now. And day after day, these newspapers, they put them out, you know, once or twice a day, and you open them up, and that's what happens. So here we go. Here's our next topic. If you could be any supernatural creature, what would you be and why?

[C]

Supernatural creature.

[A]

Yeah. O.J. we're going to start with you.

[C]

Tony the Tiger. Tiger.

[A]

You think he's supernatural in nature?

[C]

I do think he's supernatural because how in the hell you get a tiger that. That stands up that tall? Tony the Tiger's got to be about 6.

[A]

Is he wearing a shirt collar?

[C]

Tony Tiger?

[A]

Yeah, I think he's wearing, like a.

[D]

No.

[A]

He'S a cur. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like. Like he's down there in Florida and just wearing an ascot or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And out Tampa. Yeah.

[A]

Now, I mean, Flasher Gremlin, Tony the Tiger, he's only wearing a kerchief.

[D]

That's right.

[A]

Meanwhile, you at least are concealing yourself with your overcoat.

[D]

Yeah, I know my shame 99% of the time. You know, that's the difference. Tony's just living his life. I have shame. I cover it up, and then I say, look at this. Now I have something on you.

[A]

Who's worse, though? Tony the Tiger or you?

[D]

Me, the way I used to be.

[C]

Yeah, I think so, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The way Tony's doing it. You want to see it? Because he's six four. He's bugging his paws are.

[A]

You think he's six four?

[C]

I think Tony.

[B]

I think his paws are bigger than his face.

[A]

But when you see him on the COVID of the cereal box, he looks.

[C]

Great after all these years.

[A]

There's a big giant bowl of cereal. Then he looks tiny next to it. What if he's only like 2, 3?

[B]

That means he's humble.

[C]

See, Angus is right. He chose that. He said, make me look smaller than the cereal. And that way when people meet me in person, they go, wow, I'll get this big if I eat Frosted Flakes.

[A]

Or do you think it's just a giant bowl of cereal? Which honestly, sounds good right now, doesn't it?

[C]

Marry. Kill.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Frosted Flakes.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Sugar Smacks or Golden Crisp? Golden Grams. Golden Grams.

[A]

Golden Grams. Any of these circles?

[C]

No.

[D]

No.

[A]

It's gonna be hard. What's this? When they get soggy, can I wrap one up in a kind of a circular shape or a Conical?

[C]

I guess so.

[B]

You're freaky, dude. You are naughty. Naughty and nasty.

[A]

I don't know. I'm gonna pass on this one, but we're gonna have to go over to Angus Montgomery. Diana, if you could. What is the question? If you could be any supernatural creature, who would you be and why?

[B]

All right.

I'd kill a gnome. Marry a fairy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I'd fuck.

Eagle.

[A]

Eagle.

[C]

Have you watched the. The series finale of David the Gnome recently?

[D]

That's fucked up. I feel like we're on the same page here. I know exact what you're talking about. It is up. They die and turn into trees.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Wrapped around each other. That's how gnomes die.

[A]

And that's the series finale.

[C]

1985.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

From the, the. The. The Spanish produced David the Gnome animated series.

[A]

I guess I don't want to be one of the gnomes then, because I don't want to die that way.

[B]

Yeah. I think I'd be whoever is in charge of all the. The fairies.

[D]

The queen.

[A]

Like Oberon or.

[B]

Yeah, Oberon. Yeah. Oberon.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. All right, great.

[B]

Does that do it for you?

[A]

That does it for me. All right. Flasher, Gremlin, same question. If you could be any supernatural creature, what would you be and why?

[D]

First of all, crazy question to ask in a room with a gremlin and a ghost, but I would have to.

[A]

Say, oh, do you consider yourself to be a ghost?

[C]

I consider myself to be all things.

[A]

Company. Yeah.

[D]

Anyway. Yeah, I guess. You know what? I'm gonna. I'm go with Mothman because he can tell when bridges are gonna fall down. He can tell when someone's holding chapstick.

[A]

I, I. Who is Mothman?

[D]

The Mothman.

[A]

The Mothman.

[D]

The Mothman from the Mothman prophecies.

[A]

Oh, I don't know. The Mothman prophecies book series.

[D]

No, no, no. It's real life. And also a Richard Gere movie. And some. If you get caught in the middle of the night and it's someone going, like, talking to you, like a rough voice telling you about the future.

[A]

That could be cool off.

[D]

It could be cool off.

[A]

I'm really worried about tomorrow.

[D]

This is how, you know, you say, tell me what I'm holding in my hand. If they go chapstick, it's the Mothman because he can see the future and he warns people. Some people think he's just.

[A]

And you're always gonna be holding Chapstick in the future.

[B]

You have to ask, what if I'm not holding chapstick?

[D]

In the one movie I've seen it was Chapstick, so I don't know how it applies.

[A]

What's the one movie you've seen? The Mothman.

[D]

The Mothman Prophecies.

[A]

And this is the only Mothman related.

[D]

Besides the Gremlins movies? Yeah, I just watch it over and over.

[A]

Wait, these are the only movies you've watched other than the Gremlins movies?

[D]

Yeah, I'm very familiar with other movies. I just don't like to watch them.

[A]

Yeah, okay. So you've seen your own movies?

[D]

I've seen my own movies. I've seen the Mothman prophecy a number of times, and it's very good. It's Richard Gere, probably his best movie.

[A]

Yeah, you keep saying Richard Gere. That's not a sign.

[D]

Richard Gere.

[A]

No.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Richard Gere. Yeah.

[D]

Primal Fear, Pretty Woman, Old Hamster Butt.

[C]

And the women.

[D]

Dr. T and the women. Absolutely underrated.

[A]

Change this to Mr. T without the women.

[C]

Women.

[A]

I'm interested.

The first time.

[D]

Dr. Taylor Woman Just come up.

[A]

So, yeah, I haven't seen this movie.

[D]

But anyway, Mothman's a supernatural creature that lives, I believe, in Pennsylvania, can predict. Bridge collapses.

[A]

Why do you want to be the Mothman, though? It sounds like a lonely existence?

[D]

No, I just want to know if I'm forgiven. I want to be able to look into the future and say, do they forgive me me for the way I was before when I was chasing Phoebe Cates around, waggling my lack of a junk?

[B]

God, you're covered in shame, dude.

[A]

Yeah, I think he'll get there. I think all it needs is for Phoebe Cates to come out and. And accept your apology.

[D]

Kevin Klein won't let her.

[A]

What's going on with Kevin Klein?

[D]

I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

[A]

Mr. Pirates of Penzance.

[D]

He's so good, though. You see that? You see that miniseries, that Disclosure last year?

[B]

So you watch tv?

[D]

I love tv.

[A]

All right. What. What are you watching lately? Oh, boy.

[D]

I'm as Nine Perfect Strangers. It's back, baby.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

How can they still be strangers? I don't know.

[B]

I heard they added people and it's not nine.

[D]

That fucking pisses me off.

[A]

If it's two Perfect Strangers and it's Balki and The other guy, then that's. Then I'm interested.

[D]

Yeah, you leave them wanting more. Absolutely.

[A]

Well, guys, great answers and we've really, really dived into these incredible topics. We do need to take a break now, but the roundtable is going to continue like all round things. It'll just keep going and going and going like a perpetual motion machine. We're gonna take a break. We're gonna be right back with more of the roundtable, more O.J. more flasher gremlin, more Angus Montgomery. Diana. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

[C]

Take care.

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[D]

Hey, this is Jeff Lewis from Radio Andy live and uncensored.

[A]

Catch me talking with my friends about my latest obsessions, relationship issues and bodily ailments. With that kind of drama that seems.

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[A]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. The CBB Roundtable is here. We have the Flasher Gremlin.

[D]

Hello.

[A]

Is with us Angus Montgomery Diana, a podcaster, 23 year old gentleman. Tampa, hello, Tampa, Florida. We also have O.J. simpson here.

[C]

Hey, X world, it's me. Yours truly, X World.

[A]

Oh, that's right, yes, X. The Anything app.

[C]

The Anything app.

[A]

We're back on the CBB Roundtable. We've just barely scratched the surface, which, look, if it's a car, that sounds pretty good. If you're in some sort of an altercation with another car, just barely scratching the surface, that's good. But when you're in the CBB Round table, you want to dive even deeper, get your hands dirty in these issues and we're prepared to do exactly that. You guys ready to open up the roundtable again?

[D]

Oh, open it up, yeah.

[A]

All right, here we go. New topic. Obviously these days, social media, you see a lot of posts, a lot of things on social media where people are saying like, oh God, look at this thing over here. And then people kind of say like, oh yeah, have you seen that? Well, what if I replace posted this? And you know, there's a lot of people posting and then reposting and trying to bring attention to what's going on in the, in the world through various means of posts and reposts. And they don't call them tweets anymore. What do they call them on X? The Anything app now X's. X's. Oh, great branding. But so obviously that leads us to our next question. If you could be immortal, what age would you choose to stop aging at and why? Angus, we're gonna go to you first.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Now obviously you're a young gentleman, so you don't know what can happen to one's body as one gets older.

[B]

God, I, I mean, I'd have to ask because I see you guys, you fellas before me, and I'm like, does it get better?

[A]

No.

[C]

No.

[B]

Okay, then I'd say probably my age.

[A]

Right now, just 23. I don't know if I would want to stop at 23 or more like 27.

[B]

22 was good.

[A]

22 was good for you.

[B]

22 is ripe.

[A]

What was going on in your life?

[B]

22? I. I had just had my first girlfriend.

[A]

Oh, great.

[B]

And she had a personality, man. She had a personality.

[A]

A good one or a bad one?

[B]

A good one.

[D]

Okay, good.

[B]

And that was, like, my first love.

[C]

She.

[B]

Yeah, it was like a lot of just, like, memes back and forth. I think it was the first time. Yeah, it was. It was special for me. 22.

[A]

How long did you d. This person?

[B]

Two months.

[A]

Okay. I mean, that's. You know, when you're just getting started.

[B]

It's long.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And did. Did you consummate the relationship?

[B]

Yeah, of course. We started out as a situationship for the. For, like, two years, then for two months, dated. Seriously. Okay, Did. Yeah.

[A]

And why did it end if you don't.

[B]

She had a gambling issue.

[A]

An issue with. She won so much money that she didn't want to date you anymore?

[B]

No, no. She couldn't stop. Top. There was this. She was a part of this Athleisure pyramid scheme that started gambling. Okay, Right.

[A]

So she was in charge of selling Athleisure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it turned into a gambling.

[D]

That's a problem that happens all the time.

[B]

Yeah, it was. Dude. I didn't realize that there's, like, so many women that are fallen victim to these gambling rings with leggings.

[A]

These are important issues we need to hear about. This is why we do the CBB round table.

[B]

This is. I'm learning so much. Damn.

[A]

So 22 was good for you?

[B]

Yeah, I'd say 22.

[A]

Physically, your body was right where it needed.

[B]

Totally. Everything feels the same. I never. Every morning I woke up, I was just a tad tired. No matter what I ate or drank before, you know.

[A]

H. That doesn't sound good. Did you fix that, or are you okay?

[B]

No, I meant, like, nothing could affect me now. If I have, like. If I have, like, a certain amount of shots the night before, I kind of feel it, but not really.

[A]

You're going downhill now. Yeah. Oh, so you're 22. So you're able to get into bars, which is good because you don't want to say, like, oh, I stop at 13.

[B]

Exactly. No.

[A]

And then you're like Gary Coleman. Not to bring up different strokes again.

[C]

Dr. Conrad Bain. Oh.

Propofol.

[A]

You ever had propofol juice?

[C]

Oh, yeah. You get. You get great sleep.

[A]

You get it with the. The colonoscopies.

[C]

You get it with the colonoscopies when they get up in there.

[B]

Is it the stuff that makes you blue so they could see inside you?

[A]

No, I don't. Yeah, you meaning the dye that they put in your veins? Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

No, that's. Propofol is just a damn.

[C]

Help you relax.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Helps you relax.

[B]

Cut that out.

[A]

Yeah, they helped Michael Jackson relax to death.

Well, that's a great answer, Angus. I'm going to turn over to flasher gremlin.

[D]

Sure. Yeah.

[A]

What age would you be? How old are you? I don't even know. You're a mythical, mystical creature.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Once we spring out of a mogwai's back or another gremlin's back, we kind of stop aging at that moment. We're just the same forever until we die. Either by being electrocuted by one of our friends that turned into an electric gremlin or seen the sunlight, something like that.

[A]

And so you have a period, a gestation period of a few hours, and then you in the back. Well, once you pop out of the back, you're not the full size yet. No.

[D]

Yeah, we get a little bit bigger very fast over the course of just like a couple hours.

[A]

So you basically are already frozen at two hours.

[D]

No. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Would you freeze yourself earlier if you could choose any age?

[D]

You know, I freeze myself right where I am now because I've been doing the growth. You know, I've been doing it. I've been. Been trying to connect with people. I've been trying to make eye contact when I talk to them. All the things I've learned now, I want to maintain, but I also don't want to get into. I don't know what happens to. Most gremlins. Explode, get killed, something.

[A]

Does the gremlin die of old age out there?

[D]

No, it's normally blenders emphasizing that. Yeah, I. I've been smoking like a chimney, as you've noticed, and it hasn't gotten me. No, I'm not sure we have lungs.

[A]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Do you want to open your mouth real wide?

[D]

Yeah, sure. Take a look at in.

[A]

I don't see any lungs. No, I see a uvula.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, I got two of those.

[B]

Hey, see there? You have genitals.

[D]

My uvula is my.

[B]

Yeah, uvula is the genital of the mouth.

[A]

Yeah, I guess. I guess. Yeah. Yeah, now they think about it.

[C]

Hey, now you can open your mouth when you flash. You should wear a Covid mask and.

[D]

Then pull it down.

[A]

Hey, Juice, if you could become immortal, what age Would you choose to stop aging at. And why?

[C]

You know, Scott, it's funny you asked this, because I've actually, genuinely been thinking about it.

[B]

Have you really?

[A]

Really?

[C]

I would say 47.

[A]

47.

[C]

Because 47, in my opinion, you are still young and spry, like, kind of. You know, you maybe have lost a little bit of a step, but you're still strong. It's a good age to. To be a dad or whatever. It's. You got gray, so you're kind of like a silver fox. So you. The. The older ladies are attracted to you.

[A]

You could not be a silver fox if you stopped aging earlier.

[C]

Yeah, but I don't know.

[D]

What year would you have been? 47.

[C]

I would have been 47. Let me see. Look.

[A]

30 years or so ago.

[C]

1994. Somewhere in there. It's the year. It's the number of my favorite president. And it is. You know, I just think 47's a. A good age to, like, you know, I'm. Because you don't want to be, like, when all your friends get old, you don't want to be. Be too young.

[A]

But that's gonna happen in any of these situations.

[C]

It will. But at least at 47, you'll kind of be like, yeah, I got gray hair, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What do you mean, a good age to be a dad?

[C]

You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Just. No, like, it's just.

[C]

You get what I'm saying?

[A]

No, I. I'm just saying, do you want to have kids, Angus?

[B]

I don't know. That's. I don't know.

[A]

I mean, you're a kid yourself right now.

[B]

Yeah, I never thought about that, man.

[A]

You put a Jimmy on when you have sex.

[B]

I should be. Tell me your body count, Angus.

[C]

Do you put a Jimmy on when you kill the poonani.

[B]

Poo nanny?

[D]

Man, I didn't know we were dealing with an expert like Scott today.

[C]

And kill the poonanny.

[D]

Man. Oh, man.

[A]

I'm just saying now that it's dangerous behavior to be out there in these.

[B]

Streets in my age. Where you put Jimmy's on?

[A]

You know, here and there.

[B]

Don't get all red. It's okay.

[A]

Well, these are great. Great. You didn't answer the question.

[D]

What about you?

[A]

Oh, well, you know, I'd want to do it before 42 or 44, when your eyes start getting bad.

[C]

Oh, 36, I think.

[B]

30? Yeah.

[A]

Like, in the 30s is good because you're like.

[C]

But that feels too young.

[A]

You're a man. You can. Because I feel like you can date Any age. Because you're. You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, it just feels like any age is okay.

[A]

When you're a baby face, 22 year old, you look too young for the older women.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And so there's. And then there's no floor to that for you at 36, huh, Scott Akerman?

[A]

What are you talking about? Oh, you slasher Gremlin. You're the weird one.

[C]

You did the work.

[D]

I did the work.

[A]

Phoebe Cates, how old was she in that first Gremlins movie? Uh oh.

[D]

Uh, oh, I couldn't begin to guess.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[D]

Yeah, I was, I was problematic.

[A]

All right, well, we're going to get to our next question here.

[C]

And this is 1991, I was 1993, I was 47. You almost on Good Year. Good Year. I would do another three besides getting disrespected.

[A]

All right, here we go. We're going to get to our next question and gonna start with Flash or Gremlin here. If you could commit any crime and get away with it, what would you choose and why?

[D]

Flashing.

[A]

Flashing.

[D]

Flashing. If I could do it, if I could get back into it and do it without, like, without like. And just get away with it, not ruin lives, I would do that.

[A]

And if it were meaning the consequences to you would be gone. Or what about the consequences of your behavior to.

[D]

To other people? That's part of it, right? That's part of it.

[A]

But then would you even enjoy it?

[D]

Yeah, I'll tell you right now, I would absolutely enjoy it. There's something freeing about it, like what Angus was saying.

[A]

So why not just flash in the privacy of your own home? That's not flashing.

[D]

You know, it has, it has to be someone else watching unexpectedly is a.

[B]

Flash only without consent.

[D]

You know what, that's. No, I don't think it is. Because I think you can have consensual flash. I think we can like go out and be naughty and stuff, right? Like, ooh, I'm gonna flash.

[A]

Are there like flashing safe words where you pretend to not have consent? And then that's brilliant.

[D]

That would be a good way to do it. I should probably like, you know, put into some sort of program because there's a lot of people like me out there more than you think. I'm certain people who've been on the show but before who like to do this sort of thing. And that's the sort of.

[A]

You have a safety do 900 and so some odd episodes. There's going to be some weirdos who.

[D]

You'Re going to get a few.

[A]

Go through the door.

[D]

Yeah. And if not that, then I would say train robbery.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, Interesting. Like old school train robbery.

[D]

Riding a horse, jumping on pieces of gold. Yeah, yeah. Get out. You know, just sort of like.

[B]

Maybe I'm just young, but is train robbery taking a train or taking the. What's in a train?

[D]

No, that's a great question.

[A]

This is a great question.

[D]

That's a really good question, because I've never thought about it. Yeah.

[B]

Thanks, guys.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I wonder. I would love to make a movie. The Greater Train Robbery steals the whole train. Just steals the train.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And leaves everything that's in the train there on the tracks.

[C]

The issue is with that. If you steal the train, you got to take the country's rail line.

[A]

You got to take the tracks.

[C]

You got to take the tracks and so you will be stopped eventually.

[B]

A train is a train without tracks.

A vagina is a vagina without a bush.

[C]

A vagina is a vagina without a topping. Yes.

[D]

Yeah, you got run that by Scott. I'm not sure.

[A]

Interesting. Train robbery and. Or flashing. Let's go to Angus Montgomery. Diana, if you could commit any crime and get away with it, what would you choose and why?

[B]

Oh, I think being false. What is it when you get falsely. Falsely being a police officer.

[A]

Oh, impersonating. Impersonating.

[B]

Impersonating.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It sounds fun as hell, dude.

[A]

Yeah, just like driving around that car. Put the sirens on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pull people over.

[B]

Cars. I would.

[A]

Bad lieutenant. Port of call, New Orleans style.

[B]

Yes. I had a buddy in Tampa.

[A]

Tampa.

[B]

Get one of those old police cars.

[A]

How old are we talking? It was just, like, from the 40s. No, the 30s?

[B]

No, it was just, like, from, like the 90s.

[A]

I was gonna say the 20s, but I realized we're in the 20s right now, so I could just be talking about now. Whoa. It seems like it was so long ago, but we're in it now. You.

[B]

You adults are wild. Anyway, I would. Yeah, I think I would do that. I think it'd be fun as. I don't know, know, maybe.

[A]

Would you put on the hat?

[B]

Yeah, I think it'd be so fun. Honestly, I would do that. And let out my new friend over here.

[C]

Let out I was out of the nether world. Let me out of what?

[A]

I don't know if you have jurisdiction to let him let O.J. out of where he's in now.

[B]

I want to release him. Release the Ju. Juice on the loose.

[A]

The juice needs to be loose. Yeah, of course. O.J. same question to you. If you could commit any crime and get away with it. What would you choose in one? Why?

[C]

Let me think on that. Let me think on that. Cause that's a tough one, because I do believe that criminals should be in jail. People who do do things.

[A]

So you're hard on crime?

[C]

I'm hard on crime. I'm tough on crime. Same as my president. And I would say. But if I had to commit some crime, you know me, Scott, I would go down to one of those dessert only restaurants like in Vegas. The Sweet Factory, Sugar Factory, something like that.

[A]

Do you consider an ice cream parlor like 31 Flavors, the aforementioned 31 Flavors, Baskin Robbins to be a. A dessert only restaurant?

[B]

He has a candy store.

[C]

I would say Baskin Robbins has gotten too corporate. I think one of these smaller mom and pop in Vegas casinos.

[A]

Yeah. Small mom and pop Vegas casino stores, Sugar Factory.

[C]

And I would go in there and I would eat my. I would eat my weight in. In desserts and ice cream.

[A]

This doesn't sound illegal.

[C]

I wouldn't pay for it.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

So dessert theft.

[C]

Yes, Dessert theft.

[A]

Dessert theft, yeah. Dessert related.

[C]

As bad as I get as far as a crime. Anybody else who commits anything wrong? Worse than that.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Go to jail.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good answer, Juice. Good answer. Love hearing your te.

[C]

You know, I. I will say when I had a lapse in judgment and did commit a crime, when I got my memorabilia back in 2007.

[B]

But it was your.

[D]

That was yours?

[C]

It was my stuff they took from me.

[A]

It's like, would the. Would. Would. Would it be a crime for a librarian to break into my house and steal any book?

[D]

I don't think so exactly.

[B]

It was hers or his.

[C]

No, no, no, no. Librarians are women.

[B]

No, librarians are women. Women.

[A]

All right, well, I mean, great to hear your take on these things, Juice, because you have the most experience out of everyone. Although, how old are you? We. We never really.

[D]

It's unclear. I sprang out of a. Back in the early 80s, so. Yeah. So I. I think I'm. I'm definitely younger than Juice.

[A]

Right. But do you age in, like, dogs are gremlin years different than I.

[D]

It's hard to say. I look the exact same that I have since 1984. So I think, like, my body's not aging at all, but. But calendar wise. Yeah.

[A]

Also, you're so small, I would imagine a year.

[D]

What is this with I'm so small?

[A]

Don't short people. Don't they? Don't years take longer?

[C]

They got nobody.

[A]

Can I ask a question? And this has been explained to me many times. I still don't understand it. What is this? Gibbity toilet.

[B]

Holy God, dude. Clip starts there. CLIP starts Anyone?

[A]

Oj? Anyone?

[C]

I would love to know from the young Angus here.

[A]

Yeah, Angus, what is.

[D]

I feel like everyone, you're gonna have the best bet.

[B]

I. I can't believe I get to do this on air.

[A]

Wow. Yeah. Hit us.

[B]

We're.

[A]

We're. We have an older gremlin here, a old man who is now dead and O.J.

[C]

Over here.

[A]

So, so please inform us, what is the skiby?

[B]

I want to give you the government definition really quickly. Okay. And then I'll explain it as a person. Okay. So just give me a second.

[A]

All right? Sure, yeah. Take all the time you need. Need. Because this is part of the roundtable, it leads us down what some people would call blind alleys. But is any alley blind when it leads you into seeing.

[D]

What do we think government definition means?

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

Let's find out.

[A]

Yeah, what do we got? Skibidi Toilet Angus.

[B]

It's what I thought it was a viral meme. You know what a meme is?

[A]

I do, yeah. Oj, oj, do you know what a meme is?

[C]

Of course, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You are a meme.

[D]

Meme.

[B]

Basically, it's a human.

Headed toilet. It's meme of a human headed toilet.

[A]

Meaning a human with the head of a toilet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And the meme is that toilet, like fighting. Oh, God, I don't know if I'm getting this right.

[D]

Look, it's the head's coming out of the toilet and it is fighting a war against the cameras and the other high tech enemy army.

[A]

This is like an Optimist Prime, Transformers kind of situation, but with toilets instead of cars.

[D]

No, they don't really turn into anything. It'll be like a body with a camera head and then a toilet with a man, a Ukrainian man's head sticking out of it. And they.

[A]

This is all I need to know.

[D]

Yeah, that's about it. I think I got it.

[B]

You don't need the government one.

[D]

I do want.

[A]

What is the government definition?

[B]

Skibidi is now its own thing.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

And skibidi and Gen Alpha slang means something that is cool, bad or dumb. All three of the bad.

[A]

Like Michael Jackson.

[B]

I was just about to say, it's like aloha, dude.

[A]

Where Dr. Comrade Bane.

[C]

Michael Jackson. Bad. This is bad. Real bad. Michael Jackson.

[A]

I remember when that came out and everyone was laughing at it like, no, things that are bad can't be good. He proved us Wrong, didn't he?

[B]

Skibidi.

[A]

Skibidi.

[C]

Scotty, you got a squirrel problem.

[D]

Yeah, I've been noticing that too. OJ Is it a problem or an.

[C]

Opportunity to make a hat?

[B]

You got like F1 racers out there.

[C]

To make a jimmy, by the way.

[A]

I think it's a. I think it's a citywide thing because I was driving my daughter to. To work.

Where does she work? Well, we're trying, you know, we're trying to bring manufacturing back to this country to school. And we were, we were several miles away and we saw more squirrels than we'd ever seen in our life. Just like racing across the street. So I think it's the citywide there squirrels.

[D]

Were they chasing you?

[A]

No, they were not chasing us.

[B]

Have you seen these squirrels that live on college campuses?

[A]

No, I have not.

[B]

They are all like three times the size of a normal city squirrel because of the amount of food waste that these college campuses have. Really, these squirrels can get into. And they're starting like they almost look like a different animal.

[A]

So they're gaining the freshman 15 as well. Angus, that sounded so sincere.

The dead eyes behind that laugh, not looking at anybody.

[B]

There's your clip. Clip out.

[A]

There's the clip. Well, guys, I think that's the round table. Wow, we did it. I think we really solved some things today. I mean, I know that a lot of times you don't get into discussions in order to solve things you just kind of want to bring, but I think we actually solved a lot of the issues of the day. What do you think?

[C]

I think so as well.

[D]

Can I ask one follow up question?

[A]

Yeah, no problem.

[D]

Is the topping the rest of the.

[B]

Woman, it's her personality.

[A]

Yeah, it's her personality. Her wonderful, wonderful personality. Okay, well, guys, we're running out of time. We only, we only have time for one final feature on the show that is of course a little something called plugs.

It's the end of the show when I'm underexposed Untie the knot on the bag that's closed Tell you something new.

[B]

When I give you the date Come.

[A]

Watch what I do Put food on my plate Santa has a sack but.

[B]

He wish he had the plugs contained within this bag Time for plugs gonna.

[A]

Sell what I do in mother rush of back plugs you comedy Bang bang hosted by weirdo Scott Aukerman talking poppycocking now he's gonna give me a shot as I long for the fact that as my lives work inside exemplify then subside as the showers pass the time. Back of plugs. Back plugs. All together now.

[B]

Dance on plugs.

[A]

That's right.

Yeah. That was Ding dong plugs by Bossman207.

[C]

I really enjoyed it.

[A]

That was, that was good. It sounds like something Matt Apodaca would like.

[B]

I got a fucking half chub over here.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Well, I've been listening to a pop punk playlist past couple days.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. Reminiscing about my grandkids high school days.

[A]

Well guys, what are we plugging here? Obviously, Juice, you always have something going on in the netherworld, right?

[C]

Sheesh, Louise. Always something going on. I haven't had a break since I've been back to the real world.

[A]

Right. And well, I called you up here and you came straight here, so I would imagine that's.

[C]

I, I, I, I'd like a couple podcasts to promote, if you don't mind me promoting them on your show, Scott.

[A]

Sure. We always love to promote podcasts.

[C]

The patreon.com forward/hollywood handbook book, it's a universe at this point. Those men with those men that they call the boys. And, and, and I like their podcast Hollywood Handbook. And I also like their basketball podcast, the Flagrant ones. And I like their baseball podcast that they now have called the Filthy Ones. And I like that little Sopranos podcast that they've just started called Dart and Lamar Woods. They used to have a podcast called XOXO Gossip Kings where they watched Gossip Girl and now they got a podcast where they watch the pranos called Xoxo Bada Bings. And I like, I like, I like.

[A]

Titles of podcasts that are parodies of the previous podcast that they've done where I've done many of them.

[C]

We gotta keep doing this.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Next one is Xoxo Elden Ring.

[A]

I don't know, but, but I, I do have one follow up question. Do those guys ever drop the act?

[C]

I still don't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You can also also watch Grand Crew.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

On Peacock is still there.

[A]

Yeah. They're not going to take it down.

[C]

They're not going to take it down. Stop watching it. Keep watching it.

[A]

And if you're in line, stay in line.

[C]

And also on Peacock, because the season's over, you can watch SNL50 and have a good time with a lot of those skits and skibbidies.

[A]

Yeah. Three hours worth or so. Three and a half.

[C]

Maybe even three and a half.

[A]

What was it that special? Wasn't it three?

[C]

Oh, yeah. I'm not talking about the special. I'm just talking About?

[A]

You're just talking about the season. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Angus Montgomery. Diana. What do you want to plug?

[B]

Okay, I'd have to. I mean, first I gotta plug my pod. That's why I'm here.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Chicken things and chicken things.

[A]

Chicken things and chicken things.

[C]

That name, sj, it's gonna be hard to find now.

[B]

Yeah, I'm changing it around. I also love this other improv podcast. It's called Artist on Artist on Artist on Artist. It's an.

[A]

I've heard about this.

[B]

Yeah, it's bunch of. Just make fun of Hollywood round tables.

You get Patreon. It's on Patreon, too.

[C]

Patreon.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Patri Ron. Patri Ron.

[A]

Patri Ron. That's something.

[B]

Pastry Ron.

[A]

Pastry Ron.

[B]

Dude, what's your body count?

[A]

I'll let you know after the show.

[B]

Thank you. That's my plug.

[A]

Flasher Gremlin. What do you want to plug?

[D]

You know what I want to plug? Sometimes I sit in with this comedy show called Convoy once a month at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater and live streamed. It's always the first Wednesday of the month.

[A]

It's live in Los Angeles, streamed throughout the United States, certainly. If not the world.

[D]

Yeah, I assume the world, but I've never thought about it.

[A]

No. Why would you?

[D]

There's no reason to, but I guess, yeah, you know, I don't know, maybe.

[A]

You ever get an email saying, blimey, I saw your show the other day.

[D]

Yeah. But it's from one guy, and I think he's lying. And then, you know what, Scott? I want to plug the concept of empathy.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Thinking about the people that we've affected.

[A]

Phoebe Cates.

[D]

That we've hurt.

[A]

Phoebe Cates.

[D]

Phoebe Cates of the world.

[A]

Zach Galligan. Is that. Was that his name or was it Gilligan?

[D]

No, Zach Galligan. You know, and I just want all of us to take a moment and think about that and think about how we've affected people. And what would that feel like? What would that feel like to have a little guy wearing the trench coat. Coat and sunglasses and a cigarette pop out and flash their lack of a dick at them? Just think about that.

[A]

Because, well, it's a surprising thing to have someone hiding in the bushes, wearing an overcoat, perhaps gloves. You don't know whether they're carrying a weapon or not. You're just arriving home to your house and someone is hiding there in the bushes, and then you're just trying to maybe return something to the owner, you know, in a manila envelope, some sunglasses or something. Like that. Damn.

[D]

I'm not sure he's listening to you, Scott.

[B]

He's canceling his water.

[C]

It's tough out here.

[B]

He's canceling his water. Let him cancel his water.

[A]

But in any case, the concept of empathy certainly is something we all need to think about. I want to plug. Hey, head over to cbbworld.com we have every single episode we've ever done of this show ad free. The Entire archive of 900 and some odd shows, plus every live episode we've ever done, including last year's big tour. We have other shows like Collegetown, the neighborhood Listens. CBB presents with hey Randy and this book changed my life. And the Batman. And Will. I'm Heinz to prav you and.

Eat, pray, dunk. So many great. Oh, Scott hasn't seen where I watch movies with Sprague. The Whisperer, my good buddy. So many great shows over there. Head on over to cbbworld.com and you can get them all. Alright, let's close up the old plug bag.

[D]

We all have bags and they need.

[A]

Some clothes and we need these bags because we're nosing that in these bags.

[D]

Are lots of plugs.

[A]

This.

Just please don't close it and be rude.

Out the plug back and then you are alive.

Open up the plug. All right, that was waves plug back 2025 remix by NTR thank you so much. If you have a plugs theme either opening or closing up the plug bag, head over to cbb world.com plugs and you'll find everything you need over there to upload your song as well as all the stems and everything for the remixes. And guys, I want to thank you so much for another scintillating roundt table. Obviously. O.J.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Wonderful to have you back here. I hope you get to cancel your water.

[C]

Let me stay.

[A]

Are you in a little longer? Are you in hell? Why are you canceling water if you're in hell?

[C]

People in hell need ice water, but when it doesn't get delivered, it's an issue.

[A]

Angus Montgomery. Diana, Pleasure to meet you and good luck with your. Your clips or your podcast or whatever form your content lives in. That's the important thing is we're creating content.

[B]

I learned so much today. Thank you for having me.

[A]

We're fellow content creators and I consider us to be peers.

That was halfway almost there to a laugh.

[D]

That.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And Flasher Gremlin. Yeah.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

So, so great to meet you.

[D]

So good to be here. And again, like the, the, you know, the, the, the consent you gave is lifelong. So here you go.

[A]

That's. Yeah, that's your. Yeah. Waggling. Your lack of genitals. Your. Your jagged lack of genitals at me. Jagged.

[D]

That's the right word.

[A]

Yeah. It made me feel ashamed and powerless.

[D]

Yeah. Okay, good.

[A]

Great.

[D]

That's awesome.

[A]

Cool. Great. Well, great to have you on the show. Thank you.

[D]

So happy to be here.

[A]

And guys, we'll see you on the next CBB roundtable, but we'll see you on the next episode.

[C]

Bye.

[D]

Hey, this is Jeff Lewis from Radio Andy live and uncensored.

[A]

Catch me talking with my friends about my latest obsessions, relationship issues and bodily ail. With that kind of drama that seems to follow me, you never know what's going to happen.

[B]

You can listen to Jeff Lewis live at home or anywhere you are. Download the SiriusXM app for over 425 channels of ad free music, sports, entertainment and more. Subscribe now and get 3 months free offer details apply.

[A]

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[C]

I'm in.

[A]

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