Jon Hamm, Seth Morris, Shaun Diston

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast – Episode Featuring Jon Hamm, Seth Morris, Shaun Diston

Release Date: March 31, 2025

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Introduction

In this vibrant 15th-anniversary episode of Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast, host Scott Aukerman welcomes the charismatic and multifaceted actor Jon Hamm. Known for his roles in Mad Men and various comedic ventures, Jon brings a blend of humor and intriguing discussions to the table. Accompanying him are recurring and eccentric characters, including Bob Duca and the unforgettable Steve Buscemi as Mike Ruby, the no-stank plumber.

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Jon Hamm on "Your Friends and Neighbors"

Jon Hamm delves into his latest project, a television series titled "Your Friends and Neighbors," premiering on Apple TV Plus.

• Show Overview: Unlike his critically acclaimed period drama Mad Men, Jon's new series is set in a contemporary future where the protagonist, Andrew Cooper (a nod to his Mad Men character Don Draper), navigates the complexities of modern life by bending rules and engaging in quirky heists.

• Notable Quote:

  Jon Hamm: "Your Friends and Neighbors is a contemporary story. Unlike Mad Men, which takes place in the 1960s."
  [04:20]

• Release Details: The first two episodes drop on April 11th, followed by weekly releases. Jon humorously critiques Scott's misunderstanding of the show's timeline.

• Future Seasons: With a second season already in the works before the first even airs, Jon emphasizes the show's strong backing by Apple TV's subscribers.

• Notable Quote:

  Jon Hamm: "We're starting the second season before the first one even comes out. It's very exciting."
  [25:16]

---

Adoption Segment with Bob Duca

Adding to the episode's hilarity, Bob Duca—a recurring character played by an eccentric actor—makes an unexpected and humorous request to Scott Aukerman.

• The Request: Bob seeks Scott's adoption, presenting a bizarre and comedic dialogue about masculinity, medical insurance, and a convoluted physical regimen.

• Notable Quotes:

  Bob Duca: "I need you to adopt me. Me for love, sure, but also for medical insurance."
  [31:20]

  Scott Aukerman: "You want me to adopt you? Bob, first of all, you didn't even adopt me when you were married to my mother. I didn't want it because everybody was uptight about it."
  [31:30]

• Humorous Exchange: The conversation spirals into absurd recommendations for physical and mental regimens, including fictitious supplements and exaggerated workout routines.

• Notable Quote:

  Bob Duca: "Ultra water intravenous vitamin drip, ultravenous vitamin sploosh, testosterone, human growth hormone... As long as you film it."
  [37:38]

• Resolution: In a comedic twist, Scott reluctantly agrees to adopt Bob, leading to a mock "family reunion" filled with exaggerated physical comedy and slapstick humor.

  Jon Hamm: "This is the happiest day of my life."
  [47:34]

---

Mike Ruby and the Serial Killer Plumber Saga

The episode crescendos with Steve Buscemi’s entrance as Mike Ruby, a flamboyant plumber embroiled in a fictional serial killer storyline targeting plumbers in Los Angeles.

• Plot Development: Mike Ruby discusses a series of absurd and comedic murders of fellow plumbers, complete with over-the-top conspiracy theories and nonsensical crime details.

• Notable Quotes:

  Steve Buscemi: "Hundreds of plumbers have been brutally murdered around the city."
  [54:46]

  Scott Aukerman: "Why do they think plumbers caused..."
  [70:03]

• Comedic Elements: The dialogue is filled with exaggerated police procedural jargon, fake obituaries of fictional plumbers, and humorous speculation about the motives behind the killings.

  Steve Buscemi: "The following list, of course, Scott, is of all the plumbers who have died in the city of Los Angeles and the cause of death."
  [55:47]

• Interaction with Guests: Jon Hamm and Scott Aukerman engage in playful banter with Steve Buscemi, leading to a mock investigation filled with puns, plumbing references, and slapstick humor.

  Scott Aukerman: "Why do they think plumbers caused..."
  [70:03]

---

Conclusion and Teasers for Future Episodes

As the episode wraps up, Scott Aukerman humorously addresses the intricate and absurd plotlines introduced, ensuring listeners are left both entertained and bewildered.

• Final Remarks: Scott acknowledges the chaotic discussions and teases upcoming segments, including a special episode featuring a custodian and more surreal comedy bits.

  Scott Aukerman: "We have someone who works in custodial services. Let's welcome him back to the show."
  [49:45]

• Notable Quote:

  Jon Hamm: "This is going to open up a lot. Open up another chamber in your heart."
  [82:38]

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Key Takeaways

• Humorous Banter: The episode thrives on witty exchanges, absurd humor, and playful interactions between guests and recurring characters.

• Engaging Content: From discussing high-profile TV projects to fictional serial killer plots, the episode offers a diverse range of comedic content.

• Notable Quotes: Including memorable lines from Jon Hamm, Bob Duca, and Steve Buscemi, peppered throughout the episode to enhance the comedic narrative.

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Notable Quotes Highlights

• Jon Hamm: "Your Friends and Neighbors is a contemporary story."
  [04:20]

• Bob Duca: "I need you to adopt me. Me for love, sure, but also for medical insurance."
  [31:20]

• Steve Buscemi: "Hundreds of plumbers have been brutally murdered around the city."
  [54:46]

• Scott Aukerman: "We have someone who works in custodial services. Let's welcome him back to the show."
  [49:45]

---

Conclusion

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang masterfully blends celebrity interviews with absurdist humor and recurring comedic characters, delivering an engaging and laughter-filled experience. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the podcast, Jon Hamm's appearance along with the antics of Bob Duca and Mike Ruby provides a memorable and entertaining journey through comedy and creativity.

Stay tuned for more episodes as Comedy Bang Bang continues to celebrate its 15th year with unique guests and unforgettable comedic moments.

Transcript

[Steve Buscemi]

Hi, this is Steve Buscemi. You know, the actor. Well, now I'm an actor and podcast host. From Piece of Work Entertainment and Campside Media, in association with Olive Productions, comes Big Time, an Apple original podcast. Each episode follows the story of one misfit with big dreams who isn't afraid to bend a few rules or take a shortcut to get there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, who steals bees? I was duped.

[Jon Hamm]

I shoot you in the leg.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is Big Time. Follow and listen on Apple Podcasts.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's survey time. This comes around every five years or so. It's so exciting. In order to support Comedy Bang Bang, we need the help of some great advertisers, not just good advertisers. And we want to make sure those advertisers are ones that you actually want to hear about. But we need to learn a little bit more about you to make that possible. So here's what you do. Go to pod survey.com Bang Bang and take a quick anonymous survey that will help us to get, you know, better. All you gotta do is enter your name, address, phone number. No, it's anonymous. And this way we can bring on advertisers who you won't want to skip. And once you've completed the quick survey, you can enter for a chance to win a $100Amazon gift card. Terms and conditions, of course. Of course they apply again, that is podsurvey.com Bang Bang. Thanks for your help. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take and 100% of the shots you do take because you're bad at sports and miss every shot. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Too long. Thank you to Floppy Baby for that catchphrase submission. Floppy Baby, the hunt continues. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. My name is Scott Aukerman. I don't even believe I introduced myself on our last episode. So if you listen to all of that and had no idea who the host was, but you said, you know what, I'll try another one. In case he introduces himself. I am Scott Aukerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. We have a great episode coming up a little later, we have a custodian, someone who works in custodial services. So that's a good episode of Comedy Bang Bang, I think. But on the other end of the spectrum, although I don't know, I would imagine that you make a mess of the toilet occasionally.

[Jon Hamm]

Sure, I'm proud. A proud mess.

[Scott Aukerman]

He is an old friend of the show. He, of course, put in six seasons or seven. Seven. How many did you do with that show? You know what show I'm talking. What other show?

[Jon Hamm]

The division. The Division.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course, we all remember.

[Jon Hamm]

You, me, and Nancy McKee.

[Scott Aukerman]

I remember those.

[Bob Duca]

The.

[Scott Aukerman]

The billboards around town. I was like, there's my friend.

[Jon Hamm]

There he is. He made it. Television for women. Lifetime television for women. 10 tits and a dick.

[Scott Aukerman]

You, of course, were the owner of two of those tits.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes, two beautiful, masculine tits.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many. How many seasons of Mad Men did you.

[Jon Hamm]

We did. We did eight seasons.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're kidding me.

[Jon Hamm]

93 episodes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why not do the extra seven?

[Jon Hamm]

It does mean. It does beg the question.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what I mean?

[Jon Hamm]

Let's come back for a little completion, do it all over the round number.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, one episode per. Per season or whatever. Just do us. Just do a final season where there's like seven more. Why don't you get back together, Do a final season.

[Jon Hamm]

Listen your lips to God's ears.

[Scott Aukerman]

Honestly, that show kind of stopped in the middle of things. Did it?

[Jon Hamm]

Pretty much at the end of the. At the end of the continent. Well, whatever. Maybe you didn't see the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who knows? Yeah, well, I don't know. I wasn't really.

[Jon Hamm]

A lot of people didn't pay attention. It was. It was a show really made for passive viewing.

[Scott Aukerman]

But he. He, of course, played Don Drapper, Don Dripper on Madman, Don Dripper and Donald Diaper. Now he inexplicably is playing a guy named Andrew Cooper.

[Jon Hamm]

Cooper Draper.

[Steve Buscemi]

Draper.

[Jon Hamm]

Cooper.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cooper Draper. Cooper Draper. On a different show called you'd Friends and Neighbors, which is coming out on April 11th.

[Jon Hamm]

Apple TV. On Apple TV, streaming once a week. The first two episodes will drop on the 11th, and then it'll be once a week, the Slow Drip.

[Scott Aukerman]

So if you have an extra 500,000. Fifteen hundred dollars in your spare pocket and you want an Apple TV subscription.

[Jon Hamm]

Doesn't cost that much. Scott, I believe you're radically overestimating the cost of it. I think it's much closer to all.

[Scott Aukerman]

The bells and whistles.

[Jon Hamm]

Well, sure, if you want a really good connection and like, all the stuff. Yeah, $500 million. But other than that, no, it's. It's. It's remarkably affordable.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please welcome back to the show for. I. I'm gonna. I'm gonna try to guess how many actual episodes you've done.

[Jon Hamm]

You. Your guess is as good as mine.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm gonna say 12.

[Jon Hamm]

I think it's at least 12.

[Scott Aukerman]

At least 12. Okay. So 13. 13.

[Jon Hamm]

A baker's dozen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please welcome back John Ham, the aforementioned Baker.

[Jon Hamm]

Donald Baker.

[Scott Aukerman]

Donald Baker.

[Jon Hamm]

Donald doesn't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Joe Don Baker.

[Jon Hamm]

Joe Donald Baker.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi, John. Welcome back to the show. Thank you so much for being back. For being. I believe you've done. I'm. I'm checking it out right here. I have your stats ready.

[Jon Hamm]

It's like a little. Like a little baseball card, but with my CVB stats.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have done. In terms of the podcast, only the pod.

[Jon Hamm]

Not the. Not the television television show or the. Or the radio show.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, the ra. This includes the radio show. But have you ever done a live episode? I don't think so. Okay, so you. And how many episodes of the TV show did you. Just one.

[Jon Hamm]

One.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so out of the podcast, this is your 12th appearance.

[Jon Hamm]

Wow, that is such an amazing guest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Incredible. And. And let me. Let me.

[Jon Hamm]

And I'm an amazing guest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me give you your numbers. You did four episodes of our first hundred.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

So I was an early adopter.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. You were on episode 12.

[Jon Hamm]

Holy moly. So was that when they were once.

[Scott Aukerman]

A week or were they still are once a week? Yes.

[Jon Hamm]

Well, you know, pandemic. I don't know. Are we still in the pandemic?

[Scott Aukerman]

You did one episode in this. In the hundreds.

[Jon Hamm]

Okay. So I took a little breather. I was probably a little busier than.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, actually, it wasn't. It wasn't truly a breather as much as. Because you. You did 126. That was number. Episode 100. So it was like you're doing about every 25 episodes.

[Jon Hamm]

I got it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then you didn't come back again until 211. So you went, but I got it.

[Jon Hamm]

I'm still in the once a hundred.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're still in 100. But it was a couple years before you. You came back. Then you jump all the way up to 495.

[Jon Hamm]

I missed the threes. I missed the threes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Missed the threes. That was four years later.

[Jon Hamm]

Man. I wonder where I was during the threes.

[Scott Aukerman]

We, of course, had our legendary, terrible threes.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes. Scott and I were at Loggerheads. This is a beautiful camp up in Northern California, by the way. If you ever get a chance to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go to Loggerheads, please, please enjoy. Gorgeous.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes. Sponsor. Sponsor the show. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then you come back about a year later in. In fact, under a year later, you're in episode 540, and then you do another episode in the 500s. 599.

[Jon Hamm]

Well, because I feel like I kind of dissed the threes, so I wanted to get back on that prime number.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Also, it was our 10th anniversary episode. You came in and did something else.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, that was fun. I remember that one. And then it was a rainy day in Hollywood.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were on five. Was that a rainy day?

[Jon Hamm]

Really? I remember that. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was interesting. So that was 599, which may as well have been the six hundreds.

[Jon Hamm]

Close enough.

[Scott Aukerman]

So we'll count it in the six hundreds. Then you're back up to 774.

[Steve Buscemi]

Dang.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's. That's three years later. Of course, the plandemic happens. Yeah, it happens.

[Jon Hamm]

I mean, it's almost like it was planned.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then you go to 8:39, which is a year later, and now you're in 900. This is like 909 or something like.

[Jon Hamm]

That one after 909.

[Steve Buscemi]

So.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. An incredible recap of all of your appearances that created about five minutes of content.

[Jon Hamm]

So much content, and I think I'm gonna say it. Riveting. People were like, I don't know. Is he going to make the fours? Is he going to make the fives? What's the 599? Is it a 6?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you're a good friend of the show. I appreciate you being here always.

[Jon Hamm]

It's always a fun hope to have.

[Scott Aukerman]

You in the thousands.

[Jon Hamm]

I hope so too. Now maybe maybe one Triple O. I'd certainly. I wouldn't turn down an invitation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? You want to be on the thousand?

[Jon Hamm]

I'm a big. I'm a big anniversary guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Clearly, you're. You're coming up on. On your first anniversary of being married.

[Jon Hamm]

I believe it's the second, but is this public?

[Scott Aukerman]

I have no idea. Oh, it's the second.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah. Second. Second anniversary in June, which is nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

What I meant to say is the first anniversary of your first anniversary.

[Jon Hamm]

First anniversary, of course. Congratulations. Thank you. It's a very. Yes. No, I got married in 2023.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wonderful stuff.

[Jon Hamm]

We all love June up in Big Sur.

[Scott Aukerman]

Beautiful.

[Jon Hamm]

Beautiful.

[Scott Aukerman]

We mentioned that you did eight years and approximately 93 episodes of the Mad Men TV show.

[Jon Hamm]

Exactly 93. You can count them.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then it comes to my attention via the news wires that you have some other show called your friends and neighbors. I watch Mad Men, and I go, you know what? That's the perfect.

[Jon Hamm]

Why do more. What are you doing?

[Scott Aukerman]

Cap of his career.

[Jon Hamm]

Why would you do more?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think I am confused, and our listeners are confused as to why you would do another.

[Jon Hamm]

I think part of why I'm here is to help alleviate that confusion in some way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Explain this to us in ways that Will make us understand.

[Jon Hamm]

Scott, I don't know if you've heard of this device, this kind of concept. Money. It's a great thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that why you're doing all these commercials?

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah, man. It enables you to buy goods and services.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Jon Hamm]

Like, if you needed.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the best thing you bought recently?

[Jon Hamm]

Ooh, good question. The best thing I bought because you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mentioned to me that you bought, well, goods and services. A poster for eight days in the Valley.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes, I, I, I do own a giant one sheet in the Valley. It was a long, it was about, it was about a week long in the Valley. And it was a lot, there was a lot of high jinx. It was Charlize the Charlize Theron's first starring vehicles, I believe. James Spader, maybe Spades. There was one. There was something.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the difference between a Spader and a Wood Ex? I would imagine a Spader goes to work in the woods for sure. Using.

[Jon Hamm]

You got to spade that stuff out. Their ancestors probably work together hugely, hugely intertwined families. The greatest thing I bought recently. I don't, you know, I don't, I.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don'T know how hard you drive and what's your license plate number?

[Jon Hamm]

My license plate number is 72G.G543. It is a distributor plate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wait, you must have one of those because you do the commercial.

[Steve Buscemi]

You get the freebie, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

You get the freebie. Yeah. So you don't even have to buy that.

[Jon Hamm]

No, so I don't have to buy that.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what's the best thing that you bet? Like, what's, what's something where you're like, man, doing, doing these shows is all worth it because I bought.

[Jon Hamm]

Buddy, let me tell you what I just bought recently that blew my mind. I bought myself some free time. Whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's more valuable than anything.

[Jon Hamm]

And I'm telling you, free time with a young child, you know. You know free time is more valuable than anything, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. That's why we work.

[Jon Hamm]

So that's why you work so hard. Hey, a lot of people live to work. This guy works to live.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. I work to work.

[Jon Hamm]

Well, that's, that's, that's also totally fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sometimes I live to live, so sometimes.

[Jon Hamm]

You live and let die. I noticed, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

I did that once. It was a little bit painful, so.

[Jon Hamm]

I tried living that live.

[Scott Aukerman]

You used to tell me about your friends and neighbors, because I, this is baffling to me. You were, you were on this Apple TV about a year ago where you were playing, you were on the morning show and you were. They were asking the question, what if Elon Musk were handsome? Which is like a fanciful world that we can't even really imagine or articulate.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes, it was. It all started, Scott. And I know, again, I know you know how this business works.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

If you want a job really, anywhere, what you really should do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get headshots. Is for any job, for sure.

[Jon Hamm]

Get a headshot. And by all means, buy a beeper.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And make it a composite. Try to be dressed up like a chef in one picture.

[Jon Hamm]

Spicy meatball. Maybe something funny. Maybe something serious. Crying clown. You know, whatever juggle you can do. Whatever you can do. Represent that in your head.

[Scott Aukerman]

And make sure you say you can horseback ride on your cv, as you.

[Jon Hamm]

Might say, a comp card.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jon Hamm]

Regardless, what you really need to do when you want a job on any of these streaming platforms. And there are so many, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jon Hamm]

You've got fubi, you've got Tubi, you've got bluebie, bluebe, and. And you've got Netflix, you've got Hulu, you've got Yulu, you've got yolo, which is if you only live once, you should get that one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Weirdly, they only stream you only live.

[Jon Hamm]

Twice, which is odd. And they only do it. Guess how many times.

[Scott Aukerman]

Once.

[Jon Hamm]

Yep. And that's it. You do. You're 9.99amonth. Anyways.

[Scott Aukerman]

So let me get. Let me guess what you do. You have to do a commercial for them to let them know you'll play ball.

[Jon Hamm]

Scott, that's exactly what you do. You get them to pay you to do a commercial on their own platform for their own. To beg for a job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's. That's essentially what that commercial was, wasn't it? Where you're. It was. It was a commercial of what? Everyone else in Hollywood has a TV show on Apple. Except for me.

[Jon Hamm]

Except for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then suddenly you have a TV show.

[Jon Hamm]

Two.

[Scott Aukerman]

Two. Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

You have a morning show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Morning show.

[Jon Hamm]

And. And now your friends. Tbd. But you never know.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, look, you never know about this guy.

[Jon Hamm]

I mean, listen, this guy's here and there. He's everywhere. He's in space. He's on the earth. He's.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's.

[Jon Hamm]

Who knows?

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought it was weird on the morning show with the last episode where like, basically it all comes out that you tried to screw over Jennifer Aniston. Spoilers for the morning show.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, come on. It was two years ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then he just jumps into a rocket ship and goes by Sails off in his face. It was such a, such an odd end to a series that I was.

[Jon Hamm]

Like, I thought the weirdest thing about the end of the morning show was all of a sudden it was like afternoon.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the thing is truth in advertising is very important to me. That's why Saturday Night Live, which I know you're hosting in a week or so, is. Come on, guys, come on. I mean, by the way, you're in the 12th timer club on this show. That's three times we care about you even more. But, but that show is. They say Saturday Night Live, two thirds of it takes place on Sunday morning.

[Jon Hamm]

Also, you want to do your 50th anniversary and you want to do it on a Sunday. Hey, guys, guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's called Saturday Night Live for a reason.

[Jon Hamm]

It's not Saturday Night Live in Australia.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. These guys. Any case, so, yeah, the morning show, like, I was noticing, like occasionally, like you were boning down on Jennifer Aniston.

[Jon Hamm]

Nighttime.

[Scott Aukerman]

In the middle of the night.

[Jon Hamm]

Nighttime. Nighttime.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

It's morning somewhere, I guess is the idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess that's the idea behind the show. They make that disclaimer.

[Jon Hamm]

The idea is once again, you. You demand that. That the streaming platform in question.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jon Hamm]

Pay you for a commercial, then give you a television show. This is what happened.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow, this is an incredible.

[Jon Hamm]

Your Friends and Neighbors starts. It's. It's so. Wait, I could do this if you. If you had the gumption, I guess.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't have the gumption, buddy.

[Jon Hamm]

You got to get a. You got to get a gumption guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what? I just talked to Apple tv. I say, hey, pay me to do a commercial.

[Jon Hamm]

Say, hey, guys, how about, how about a little Scott sauce? How about a little Scott hot sauce? Scott hot saucerman.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is, this is a good piece of advice. I'm just going to do a cold call.

[Jon Hamm]

Just cold call them.

[Scott Aukerman]

They'll know who's talking. Right?

[Jon Hamm]

Hi, Apple.

[Scott Aukerman]

How about sauce?

[Jon Hamm]

Call the Genius Bar and go. Where do I do?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, go work my way up through the Genius Bar.

[Jon Hamm]

Listen, somebody knows somebody. That's how it works.

[Scott Aukerman]

This guy, by the way, have we talked about this guy? Tim Cook? He works at Apple, but his name is Cook. His name should be Tim Apple, but okay, it's Cook. We give you that. But he doesn't cook apples.

[Jon Hamm]

Exactly. Can you throw a pie into anything?

[Scott Aukerman]

Throw a pie into one thing.

[Jon Hamm]

One God damn thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyway, so whatever. Your Friends and neighbors.

[Jon Hamm]

Your Friends and Neighbors is a contemporary story. Unlike Mad Men, which takes place in the 1960s.

[Scott Aukerman]

But. So are you saying that this show takes place in the exact hour that anyone ever watches it? No, it takes place in the past.

[Jon Hamm]

No, just contemporary. Contemporary. Contemporary. Like near.

[Scott Aukerman]

But how long ago were we talking?

[Jon Hamm]

I think just. Just maybe within. Within days.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, days of.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah, within days of now. Yeah, within days of now.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, wait, the. The events of. I mean, I think the events of the first episode.

[Jon Hamm]

How soon is now? And this is what they said.

[Scott Aukerman]

The events of the first episode are about to happen because the show doesn't come out for another 11 or 12 days or so.

[Jon Hamm]

Hey, hey, tune in.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this is all set in the future, according to when we're taping this.

[Jon Hamm]

Depending on when this comes out, depending on the present.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so this is a futuristic show. Interesting. So are there lasers and stuff or what?

[Jon Hamm]

I mean, aren't there lasers and everything? Try to open your phone without a laser. Good luck.

[Scott Aukerman]

No one's wearing glasses, so. I bet they use lasers to correct their vision.

[Jon Hamm]

Lasik. Tim Cook knows about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

His name should be Tim Lasik.

[Jon Hamm]

Tim Lasik.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, but then he wears glasses, so this guy's confusing, man.

[Jon Hamm]

You know, Jobs had it right. You know. What? Steve Jobs had a job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. Johnny Cash Money. Bob Hope.

[Jon Hamm]

All he did was give the soldiers hope.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you.

[Jon Hamm]

Good Lord.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, in any case, this is a futuristic show.

[Jon Hamm]

Joe penny from Simon vs Simon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pennywise.

[Jon Hamm]

Also, they had nothing but copper coins.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd love to live in the sewer. What about you?

[Jon Hamm]

I mean, depending on the sewer. Have you been to some of these sewers?

[Scott Aukerman]

Not the worst. You know what I'm saying?

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah, there's a couple places in Manhattan. I was like, there's some nice tile work.

[Scott Aukerman]

Beverly hills sewers.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah. 9,021. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this guy's. First of all, he decides to call himself Andrew Cooper.

[Jon Hamm]

Well, he goes by Coop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did parents name him this or his birth name?

[Jon Hamm]

Andrew. Last name?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because in Madman, there was all this, like, shenanigans with Don Draper. Isn't his real name. Like, is that the same thing?

[Jon Hamm]

We went to. We went away from that. We went. We felt like we did that it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would be ballsy if in the middle of the.

[Jon Hamm]

Every character I play is like, is that your real name? And I'm like, I got something to tell you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got to pitch this. So we.

[Jon Hamm]

No, it's. It's his real name.

[Bob Duca]

He.

[Jon Hamm]

He goes through a sort of a seismic event in his. In his. In his life. He loses his job through no fault of his own. Some corporate chicanery, a Little, A little shenanigans happened to him and, and because all his, his main source of income has, has, has evaporated.

[Scott Aukerman]

His job.

[Jon Hamm]

His job and he lives.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's usually people's main sources.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah, but some people have ancillary income, you could say.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I mean a lot of people's ancestors, you know.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah. Aunts and Un. Larry, Uncle Saleri and Ancil. They sometimes give you money. Sure. Anyways, he, he does lose his job. He is living a very expensive existence and he kind of is. Takes, takes account of all of his friends and neighbors around him and realizes these people don't need all this stuff. Maybe he can start relieving them of some of them by, by fits and starts and steals from them and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, like, like he goes over to their houses at parties and like takes a necklace or two.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes, yes, yes it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's like a modern day Robin Hood.

[Jon Hamm]

He's like a Robin giving it to himself, but giving it to himself.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

So I think he might have missed kind of the point of Robin Hood. But he's got. Who can say he got the Robin part?

[Steve Buscemi]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes, he was definitely robbing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does he wear a hood? Do you get to wear a cloak or anything like that? Well, Dr.

[Jon Hamm]

Strange, I gotta tell you, he does wear a hoodie. Maybe he's close. Robin Hoodie. That's close, which was the working title.

[Scott Aukerman]

So the cast on this, we're talking Olivia Munn.

[Jon Hamm]

Olivia Munn.

[Scott Aukerman]

Amanda Pete.

[Jon Hamm]

Amanda Pete.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mark. Tall man.

[Jon Hamm]

His, his last name is Tallman, but it looks like Tall man. And he is a tall man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is he a tall. What are we talking, six, two, six, three?

[Jon Hamm]

Tall enough. I mean he's not an Aukerman sized.

[Scott Aukerman]

Human being, but six, two and a half.

[Jon Hamm]

But that's not true at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? You think I'm taller?

[Jon Hamm]

I think you were at least six, four. I've stood next.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, I'm not.

[Jon Hamm]

Come on. Yeah, I mean I felt like every time I stand next to you post saying and tall I feel like I am.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm the shortest out of both of them. Them. We have Hoon Lee. We have Lena Hall.

[Jon Hamm]

We have Lena hall from Broadway's Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep. Amy Carrero, who people would know from Shira. Shira Shaw and then recurring. We're talking Corbin Burnson from LA Law.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes, indeed. Corbin Burson from Major League.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jon Hamm]

Mr. Roger Dorn from Major League. The, the, the affable second baseman.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. And then a bunch of people who I don't know. But, I mean, this is.

[Jon Hamm]

But you will. You will know them.

[Scott Aukerman]

They'll be imprinted on my memory.

[Jon Hamm]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here to the end of time.

[Jon Hamm]

It's a wonderful ensemble. It's a. It's a funny show. It's a dark show. It's. There's, you know, a lot of difficulties happen because of the. The criminal nature of.

[Scott Aukerman]

You get to do the mission impossible thing where, like, you lower yourself into a room and it's not.

[Jon Hamm]

No, it's not. It's more just him kind of looking around and sort of peeling off from a crowd into a closet. This is like, what if stealing some stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if Bruce Wayne did exactly everything instead of becoming Batman, he just goes and steals stuff in the other room.

[Jon Hamm]

He stole stuff from his friends. Like, all right. Hey, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this is sort of like a Batman type of show that's set in the future.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes, it's a lot like Batman and a little like Mad Men. So it's Batman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Batman. Well, this is a dynamite show. I mean, your friends and neighbors. It obviously comes out on Apple TV.

[Jon Hamm]

Apple TV Plus April 11th, first two.

[Scott Aukerman]

Episodes, day after Wet Day. So you're. You're going to be drying off.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah, For Tenky. I'll be. I'll be. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

For 410. Obviously, he's wet Day. When we get as wet as possible.

[Jon Hamm]

Possible, you have to get wet.

[Scott Aukerman]

So is everyone, like, drying off in this show in the first scene, like from Wet Day or you say it's contemporary, so I imagine that.

[Jon Hamm]

I mean, I'll let you. I'll let you find out, but I think the answer might surprise you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, boy.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not sure which is going to surprise me more, no or yes. Maybe a mixture tune in. Someone, like, wipes their.

[Jon Hamm]

No, no, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

With a rack. Really?

[Jon Hamm]

It will be patently app.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, man. This is going to be the perfect television show. That's what you call a teaser. Of course. We're celebrating Wet Day next week on show. Wet day. What day? What day?

[Jon Hamm]

What day?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is our. This is a good thing that we need to turn the country with third base. Jon Hamm is here and. Did you have to. Did you have to, like, figure out what a hedge fund manager is when you did this show, or did you just say lines?

[Jon Hamm]

I just said lines. Let's be honest. We all have a. We all have a working idea of what a hedge fund manager is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do we?

[Jon Hamm]

I. I mean, look, Sonic the hedge fund manager. Manager. I think we all know there's Sonic and Knuckles and one of them manages hedge fund and one of them doesn't. One's red, one's blue. I get it, I get it. Professional actor.

[Scott Aukerman]

If there ever was anything that you didn't understand.

[Jon Hamm]

Wikipedia.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wikipedia, really?

[Jon Hamm]

So right to the source.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you don't want to embarrass yourself in front of your peers by like asking a question. Just go right to Wikipedia.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah, no, thank you. That's why it's there. That's why I donate $4 a year, dude.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, those are big numbers.

[Jon Hamm]

Big numbers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you think about it?

[Jon Hamm]

There's probably a billion people that use that. That's $4 billion a year.

[Scott Aukerman]

My lead, the website that I go to the most every day and I have never donated and I need to rectify that.

[Jon Hamm]

Just change it, change it, change it today.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just do an auto Pay. Hey, like 500amonth.

[Jon Hamm]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, that's an Apple TV plus subscription.

[Jon Hamm]

That's the base level. Yeah, for sure. I mean, you're going to want to get a little. Bump it up a little more, but. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

To get. To get the real shows, to get the good stuff. Like basically just 500amonth pays for like the Apple logo on your.

[Jon Hamm]

You get an Apple logo on your screen, you get a sticker to put on the back of your laptop, which is really nice, which is awesome because then you have. Then everybody will think, oh, it's a Mac. It's a MacBook.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly.

[Jon Hamm]

Instead of that dumb Acer.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many days a week you work on this show?

[Jon Hamm]

All of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

You did a five day. Really?

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was Mad Men numbers.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah. It was a tough. And it's a lot harder to do that. I just turned 54 years old, March 10th month. And it's a lot harder to do that in your 50s than it is in your 30s. But, but the. I love doing the work and it was fun. I enjoyed it. We shot the show in upstate New York, so we were living in New York City. That was really fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

Broadway shows.

[Jon Hamm]

I didn't. I didn't have any time. Unfortunately.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're working five days a week.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah, exactly. Although we did see one. What was it called? It was the Tom Stoppard play that was. Oh, it was so heavy that Josh Molina was in and David Krumholtz and anyway, great people, great people. Great show. It was about the Holocaust. Super.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bad times. So it's. It's a. It's a. You had a great time shooting it.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes, wonderful time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Shooting from action to cut. Fabulous times had on screen.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes. Craig Gillespie who you might know from I, Tanya. He directed the first couple episodes. He also directed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please don't joke about I Tanya this Christmas, by the way.

[Jon Hamm]

Why Tanya?

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. Third base. So the hard way.

[Jon Hamm]

Words of wisdom.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a great TV show. We. We need people to watch this. Hey, tune in.

[Jon Hamm]

Check it out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Second season in the bag already.

[Jon Hamm]

We're starting the second season before the.

[Scott Aukerman]

First one even comes out.

[Jon Hamm]

That's how much people like this show. And by people, I mean the people that are paying for it at Apple.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love this. All right. We're all going to watch it. We're all going to dry off on Wet the post.

[Jon Hamm]

Wet Dry off from wet day.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dry off from wet Day on April 11th.

[Jon Hamm]

So Friday dry day.

[Scott Aukerman]

Friday dry day. That's exactly. I mean, wet day happens on a different day every year. But this, this year, this year's a Friday.

[Jon Hamm]

Come on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you are welcome. This is going to come in handy for next week when we do our Wet day special. We need to take a break. We have someone who works in custodial services.

[Jon Hamm]

I cannot wait. It's been a minute. I've got questions.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have one of our, one of our biggest stars who's done the show 12 times and we have someone who's a janitor.

[Jon Hamm]

You know what? I'm not going to give that guy any shit.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're going to come right back. This is a very exceptional 12th episode of Jon Hamm's. We're going to come right back with more Comedy Bang Bang right after this.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes, Dirty Dozen.

[Scott Aukerman]

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Progressive where drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average. Plus auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Quote [e-mail] to see if you could save. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. National average 12 month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May3. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations.

[Steve Buscemi]

Now find island inspired limited time flavors at Whole Foods Market for the Explore the Tropics sales event. Enjoy pre marinated mains like mango coconut salmon and pineapple teriyaki chicken and pair them with seasoned ready to heat beans from a dozen cousins Knead dinner and a snap. Grab zesty lime shrimp salad, mango turkey burgers and more from prepared foods. And of course, there's the mango Yuzu Chantilly cake. Explore the tropics and save at Whole Foods Market in store and online.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hats we all have to wear Them to protect ourselves from the rain, the sun, the elements. I guess earth and water. No, I did water with rain. Who knows what the elements are? Who can even keep them straight? But we all agree we have to wear hats. And we have to wear a lot of different hats, right? When we run an online business, especially, we have to wear so many different hats. Just trying to manage your web hosting while juggling a million other tasks. Well, Kinsta doesn't just host WordPress websites. They're sort of like the hat of the Internet. They deliver blazing speed, ironclad security and reliability, just like hats. And just by switching to Kinsta, your website could run up to 2,200% faster. Much like you when you wear a hat, you run 200% faster. When it comes to security, Kinsta's in a league of their own, Madonna style. They're one of the few WordPress hosting providers who back their promises with multiple enterprise certifications. And when you hit a snag, you're going to talk to real humans 24 7, 365. Actual people who get it, not these AI chatbots. Okay? Are you tired of being your own website support team? Take off that hat, switch your hosting to Kinsta and get your first month for free. And don't worry about the move. They'll handle the whole transition for you. No tech expertise required. Just visit kinsta.com bang to get started. That's K-I-N-S-T-A.com Bang. Comedy Bang. Bang. We're back. John Hammis here. Your Friends and Neighbors, which is a TV series. Apparently it was something else because Wikipedia.

[Jon Hamm]

It was something else. I think it might have been a movie, but you know what? Who gives a shit?

[Scott Aukerman]

It was a 1998 black comedy film written and directed by Neil Lab, but.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, Neil LaBute. Yes, correct. I think it was a play that turned into a movie starring.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this has nothing to do with that?

[Jon Hamm]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

How does this make Neil LaBute feel? He, like, turns on Apple TV one day and he's like, they're making a series out of my movie. We're gonna be rich, hon. We're gonna be rich.

[Jon Hamm]

And then his wife goes, we've been over this. You can't copyright a title.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah. It's too bad.

[Jon Hamm]

Yep. Sorry, Neil.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry, Neil. But you are out of luck in any case. Your Friends and Neighbors comes out on April 11th on Apple TV.

[Bob Duca]

Plus, Scrat. Don't be alarmed.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Bob Duca]

Scrat. Don't be alarmed.

[Scott Aukerman]

John, is that you?

[Jon Hamm]

No, no, that's not Me?

[Bob Duca]

Look under the table.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh my God.

[Bob Duca]

Sorry.

[Jon Hamm]

How long have you been down there?

[Bob Duca]

A long time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi, Bob. Bob. Hey, John. Do you know Bob Duca, my stepfather?

[Bob Duca]

Place a face to the shoe.

[Jon Hamm]

I do know Bob Duca.

[Bob Duca]

Hello. Hello.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi. Hi, Bob.

[Jon Hamm]

Hi, Bob.

[Bob Duca]

Hi, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you doing here under the table?

[Bob Duca]

It's a very urgent matter. I've come to you.

[Scott Aukerman]

How long have you been here? If it's so urgent, let's not get.

[Bob Duca]

Bogged down into detail, Scott, okay?

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you hear the entire first segment? Pretty good.

[Bob Duca]

I thought it was a great segment.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks, Bob.

[Bob Duca]

I love this shout out to. To 80s, late 80s rap group third base.

[Jon Hamm]

Third base spelled B A, S, S3 the hard way. Words of wisdom.

[Bob Duca]

But. But Scott, Scott, jokes and security breaches aside, I have an important question to ask you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, Bob. Sorry for the listener. By the way, this is Bob Duca. He was married to my mother for six months back.

[Bob Duca]

Six glorious months back in the.

[Scott Aukerman]

The 90s, was it?

[Bob Duca]

Or again, let's not get bogged down into details here. Just know that this connection can never be unbroken and you are my forever baby boy.

[Jon Hamm]

That's very sweet.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's.

[Bob Duca]

Which is. Which makes what I'm about to ask you all the more ironic.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I was a grown adult when you were married to my mother.

[Bob Duca]

But all right, always be a baby boy to me. Scott, I've come to ask you for your hand and please adopt me.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Bob Duca]

I need you. I've looked into the legalities of this. I need you to adopt me. Me for love, sure, but also for. For. For medical insurance.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want me to adopt you? Bob, first of all, you didn't even adopt me when you were married to my mother. I didn't want it because everybody was.

[Bob Duca]

All uptight about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nothing uptight, I just. I was in my 30s, I believe, and sure didn't need a father figure at that point.

[Bob Duca]

What is. Okay, let's get into the weeds on what need is. What does anybody need?

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's break it down.

[Bob Duca]

Food, shelter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right? N. No, not, not.

[Bob Duca]

Not that specific again. Let's not get back down to detail. Please don't get back.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Food, shelter, water. Water is.

[Bob Duca]

And everything else is gravy, baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay? Food, shelter, water, gravy, Right, Okay.

[Bob Duca]

No, not gravy. Everything else is great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everything else falls under gravy.

[Bob Duca]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Bob Duca]

The point is. The point is, the way that I wanted to adopt you had nothing to do with need. It had to do with ritual, tradition, and a strong desire to connect.

[Scott Aukerman]

I understand that, but why then would the shoe be on the other foot? Why would I then need to adopt you?

[Bob Duca]

Thank you so much. You could probably tell from my demeanor that I'm much buffer than I usually am.

[Jon Hamm]

You do look great.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wouldn't say great, necessarily.

[Jon Hamm]

I wouldn't say bad.

[Bob Duca]

Some would say buffer. Some would say lumpier. Scott, I've become fully engrossed in the men's vitality movement. And for the last six weeks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Had you been dabbling before? Before. But now you're fully engrossed?

[Bob Duca]

I fully, I dipped a toe in, and now I'm deep, deep in it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Bob Duca]

I've been, I've been a patient, a client at the Alpha Dynamics Men Trans Longevity clinic run by Dr. Winona Bambini.

[Scott Aukerman]

What does that entail? I don't know what any of those.

[Bob Duca]

I will tell you what, but I need the insurance to cover. It's, it's longevity. It's male vitality. You know, there's a crisis of masculinity in this country, in the world.

[Scott Aukerman]

World. I hadn't noticed. John.

[Jon Hamm]

It doesn't feel like, it feels like that might be made up.

[Bob Duca]

No, listen, you, my friend, have nothing to worry about. You are dripping with masculinity. But this, this little, little. God bless you, my son. But you, this little, little puddle. Why, you know what?

[Scott Aukerman]

You, why are you forcing a communion wafer in my mouth?

[Bob Duca]

It's not a communion wafer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no, no.

[Bob Duca]

It's a zin. It's a zin.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, it's a Zen. Well, all right. I guess that's a.

[Bob Duca]

You, you. In, in the longevity community, you'd be what's known as a cuck puddle.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know why they're branding people that way.

[Bob Duca]

I think that's cruel. But that's, that's what I was. And I don't want to be that anymore. I, I, I found out that, you know, I, I've let people walk all over me too much. And part of that is the physicality. But I need to continue the, the rigid physical and, and nutritional program that I'm on. And if it, I'm afraid that if I, like, can you. Have you ever seen a weightlifter, but have you ever seen Arnold Schwarzenegger lately?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, these are two very different questions. Have I seen a weightlifter ever, or have I seen Arnold Schwarzenegger lately?

[Bob Duca]

Well, the first one sets up the second one because the first one's a no. Then we have a lot of, we have a lot of backtracking to do.

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I Have. I mean, John, you've seen a weightlifter.

[Jon Hamm]

I've definitely seen. Seen a weightlifter. And I've seen Arnold Schwarzenegger late. So BS to both.

[Bob Duca]

Right? So a weightlifter, after they stop working out looks like a wet beanbag.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're. You're trying to say that Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a wet beanbag?

[Bob Duca]

Oh, absolutely, yes.

[Jon Hamm]

I don't know if I agree. I think he's. I think he's looking good for he. You know, he's seven.

[Bob Duca]

Come on, you brown noser.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're afraid you're gonna see him at the SNL after party?

[Jon Hamm]

Probably. Yeah, probably. Probably. He's a big SNL afterparty guy. Either. If there's one thing I know about the Schwarz, is that he. He goes late. Yeah, he hangs out. Goes late.

[Bob Duca]

Well, the point is, if I don't continue this regimen, my health is engraved.

[Jon Hamm]

And is this. This is all covered by insurance?

[Bob Duca]

It is. It is for. For me. Because. Because of the recent administration, they've. They've allowed certain. Which if you're diagnosed as a deep beta male, which I have been. And what is deep.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know what a beta male is. There's a lower level.

[Bob Duca]

There's a lower level. There's a lower level.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is basement level beta.

[Jon Hamm]

Deep beta.

[Bob Duca]

Deep beta. Deep beta. And. And. And clinically unfuckable. You can get insurance to revitalize your manhood. And if I don't continue. I'd love to share with you the regimen that I'm.

[Jon Hamm]

I. I think we'd all like to hear it just for educational purposes.

[Bob Duca]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now maybe this is a regimen that.

[Bob Duca]

You and I. John. John's probably. If he's not on these, then he's. God bless him, because he's got this naturally.

[Jon Hamm]

Well, listen, I think we could all use some help.

[Bob Duca]

Sure, sure, sure. Thank you. Thank you for saying.

[Jon Hamm]

You know what?

[Bob Duca]

Hey, that's what this is all about. Helping.

[Jon Hamm]

No, no, no. Little concern, though, is why. Why do you need Scott's help?

[Bob Duca]

Because I need to get on his insurance.

[Jon Hamm]

I see, I see. I missed that.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm tracking all this, so he wants me to.

[Bob Duca]

I've appeared in so many medical journals that I'm. I'm no longer.

[Jon Hamm]

You're. Yes, you're in the column. DB C, U. Deep Beta, clinically unfuckable. Which is the hard right column.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Bob Duca]

Yes.

[Jon Hamm]

And. And so you're checking a lot of boxes.

[Bob Duca]

Yes.

[Jon Hamm]

And this is the regimen.

[Bob Duca]

This is the regimen. Regimen to get me out of that beta basement.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. And would you be an Alpha then? Or would you? I mean.

[Bob Duca]

Oh, yes. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I, to be honest, am a little afraid of you becoming an Alpha because I like, I think there was a recent episode you were on where you tried to alpha me at one point and it was very.

[Bob Duca]

I think I did a pretty good job.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've been reeling ever since.

[Jon Hamm]

Well, that's part of it, I guess, is thinking you did a good job. That's part of being Alpha, you know.

[Bob Duca]

What'S the exciting thing about me becoming an Alpha again? On the, on the weightlifter thing. Have you ever seen a buff old man and how cool they look?

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah, it's a. There nothing like somebody that's super muscly but also with pattern baldness.

[Bob Duca]

Yeah, they have an old purse face and then the body of like a young man.

[Jon Hamm]

See them on billboards?

[Bob Duca]

That's what I'm getting.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what you're looking for. Okay, what is your. What is your reg?

[Jon Hamm]

What's the regimen?

[Bob Duca]

Thank you. Well, the following again, all prescribed by Dr. Winono Bambini at the clinic. I start out with athletic greens. AG1. Of course.

[Jon Hamm]

Sure.

[Bob Duca]

Continue on with ultra water intravenous vitamin drip, ultravenous vitamin sploosh, testosterone, human growth hormone, Andrew Huberman proprietary Metamucil, Scientology grade niacin, Red bull enema, motorcycle vitamins, omega 3 fatty acids beta 2, chubby bubbles, wet cement capsules, electricity pellets. I go on a five hour dopamine gorge sesh every day. Creatine, protein, nicotine, ketamine, liquefied weight lifter magazine. See, there it is again. That's why I asked you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah.

[Bob Duca]

Because if you didn't know what they were, then you'd be like, what's the magazine about?

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you.

[Bob Duca]

I do this. These workouts and physical regimen every day.

[Jon Hamm]

How long does that take?

[Bob Duca]

Which?

[Jon Hamm]

All of it. Oh, that's a. That's a pretty. Just the five hour.

[Bob Duca]

I wake up at 4:30am to start the regiment. I finished the regimen at midnight.

[Scott Aukerman]

Re. Wow.

[Jon Hamm]

So. So talk about living to work and working to live.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Bob Duca]

And somehow I still get eight hours of sleep in there. That's because of the incredible amount of efficiency from this program. And you know what helps? The following workout.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have another list of. Of workout.

[Bob Duca]

I. I would call it a sub list. All right. Yeah. Bullet point. Hypertext.

[Scott Aukerman]

Text.

[Bob Duca]

Hypertext.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that a question?

[Bob Duca]

Are you familiar with hypertext?

[Jon Hamm]

You like hypertext?

[Bob Duca]

Third base, had a hyp. Hypertext man, yeah. Cold plunge. Hot dip. Shake. Plate Air bike. Alligator. Wave pool. Stair climber. Stair fall downer. Medicine ball. Kettlebells. Silver chairs. Nordic track. Kidnap machine, Cato from Inspector Clouseau. Robot, David Blaine. Ice block, escape workout. Battle ropes, King Kong, Shoelaces. These supplements for sexual health and overall vitality. That's why I'm able to alpha you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Okay. This is another sub list, by the way.

[Bob Duca]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Bob Duca]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you going to ask me hyperlink again?

[Jon Hamm]

I think you established you would prefer link.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think so.

[Bob Duca]

Have you? Well, you might need some of these neurotropics then, because if your memory is that. Is that faulty already? Oh, brother.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, what are you taking, Bob?

[Bob Duca]

Ooh. You know what? You're like me. Your body. Your body's going to start on this regimen and your body's going to go, go. Fella, you got a lot of explaining to do. You got a lot of explaining to do.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the Desi Arnaz?

[Bob Duca]

Is that what it is?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Reference for My Love Lucy.

[Bob Duca]

Okay. Rhino horn, tiger penis, Griffin pussy, snake, piss baby, blood, silverback, gorilla tummy, Tesla pudding, Jake Paul lozenges. I do daily Krav Maga with Canadian misogynist Jordan Peterson Bezos. Yogurt with over 700 trillion very active probiotics. Dave Portnoy nipple, Chiz Charge. I take these. Advanced cognitive functionoids. Yes. This is another sub list.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. This is unprecedented.

[Jon Hamm]

This is a lot.

[Bob Duca]

Listen, my list needs some Adderall because it is hyper neurogum. True brain, alpha brain, omega brain, lion's mane, Yeti, Merkin, Coenzyme Q10, Coenzyme Q15. Coenzyme. Pew, Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Ashwagandha mushrooms, Ashkenazi toadstool, salt juice, butter, coffee, donkey lettuce, mma, zucchini bone broth, turtle eggs, antler soup, knife spaghetti, mammoth chili and karate salad.

[Jon Hamm]

Wow, that is a complete that.

[Bob Duca]

And then I meditate.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, yeah, well, sure.

[Bob Duca]

I get you can understand how I've become addicted to this stuff, mentally and physically.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bob Duca]

And. And if you deny me this adoption, you are denying me full potential. And you're also contributing to the crisis of masculinity that is ravaging our country.

[Scott Aukerman]

We don't want that. I mean, John, I'm sure you would agree that.

[Jon Hamm]

Of course. My. I guess my concern is how have you afforded all of this so far?

[Bob Duca]

Again, I. I'm a test case. It's sort of like.

[Jon Hamm]

Let me see.

[Scott Aukerman]

The current administration is worried that men like him exist, and so they're trying.

[Jon Hamm]

So they're trying to, to legislate them out of existence essentially by, by my, my. If you could imagine proving their performance.

[Bob Duca]

You remember Dr. Oz, the great man Dr. Oz, when he would help, like a sick child, he'd go to these different cities and help people. You know, there's a part that reminds.

[Jon Hamm]

Me of somebody else.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who?

[Bob Duca]

Santa Claus.

[Jon Hamm]

Going, going around the world helping, Helping sick kids. Little guy named Jesus Christ.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that he went around the world. I think he pretty much stayed in.

[Jon Hamm]

The known world at the time.

[Bob Duca]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean.

[Jon Hamm]

And how do you know? We worship. Were you there?

[Bob Duca]

We worshiped Buff Jesus at the clinic, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Although I guess, I guess his la. Remember that he came back to life and then, like, he just flied off into space one day.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

He could have flown to, like, he flied off.

[Jon Hamm]

He flied off. He could have flown to. Let's call it South America.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jon Hamm]

I mean, it's not like there aren't Christians in zone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Go visit the Incas.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah. See what's up. Yeah, you guys seem to be into gold.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. I mean, this is a lot, Bob.

[Bob Duca]

A lot, a lot. Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I, I. How long have you been. How long.

[Jon Hamm]

Can I ask just a real pressing question? Because it seems like a lot to take into the body. Are there any side effects?

[Bob Duca]

Are there, There are, there are some side effects. I, I do, I will admit to having random rage episodes.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah.

[Bob Duca]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not like.

[Bob Duca]

Please don't look me in the eye.

[Jon Hamm]

Which is surprising, honestly.

[Bob Duca]

Don't look me in the eye.

[Jon Hamm]

As long as I've known you, I'll look you in the chin. Is that cool?

[Bob Duca]

Sure.

[Jon Hamm]

Okay. The.

[Bob Duca]

You notice it's bigger and bolder. Older.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

Well, I mean, it didn't, it didn't start from a great place, so I think maybe that's.

[Bob Duca]

I take that. I accept that. Yeah, it was terrible. It was in a terrible place.

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I just.

[Bob Duca]

My chin was in a dark place. Let's be honest.

[Jon Hamm]

What was her name?

[Bob Duca]

Because let's not forget my chin. My chin got.

[Scott Aukerman]

Too soon, too soon, too soon.

[Bob Duca]

You know how invested I was in the Credence Clearwater Revival legal troubles. To see those brothers fighting was just so heartbreaking.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, Bob, I, I, how long before your regimen runs out?

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah.

[Bob Duca]

Midnight.

[Jon Hamm]

Midnight tonight.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that even if I wanted to adopt.

[Jon Hamm]

Feels like we're past the point of return.

[Bob Duca]

No, no, no, no. The do. Dr. Bambini knows how to fast track the insurance.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have an adopt EZ form there. Okay.

[Jon Hamm]

Well, I mean, it does seem like the right thing to do, right?

[Bob Duca]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I mean, I guess.

[Jon Hamm]

And he does look marginally better.

[Bob Duca]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I would say, like now.

[Jon Hamm]

Can I ask also, was the reason you were hiding under the table because you're ashamed to come to Scott and ask this question? Because it feels like it's coming from a place of.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's coming from a real deep beta.

[Jon Hamm]

A real deep beta.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Bob Duca]

Right, Right. I guess I see the connection. I think that was a manifestation of the old me.

[Jon Hamm]

Right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, I see. And you're trying to kill the old you.

[Bob Duca]

I want to kill the old you.

[Jon Hamm]

Squash the old old and inflate the new.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would love to see you, the new you, wrestle with the old you.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, like right now?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, like Greco Roman. Just like oily and slippery.

[Bob Duca]

Okay, Greco. Oh, I'm more traditional wwe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, I don't care about the tradition.

[Bob Duca]

Like you start, you know, Olympic wrestling.

[Jon Hamm]

Right down one guy on the all fours, the other guy behind him, sort of.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's. That's what you're more into.

[Bob Duca]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Bob Duca]

The Greco Roman, I think, is. It's too. I think it's disrespectful. It's kind of old fashioned. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, I. I guess I'm at an age where we need to start taking care of our parents.

[Jon Hamm]

Maybe that feels right. It feels like the right thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Even though while you were married to my mother, we basically had one meeting in passing where we will never forget it, will we? But you've been such a big part of the show here over the past 16 years. I mean, you. You and John. I've bet at least 12 timers, both of us. Yeah, at least 12 timer.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you're right on the money. 12 timer, John, but.

[Jon Hamm]

Well, sure, but, I mean, you know, only one way up from there, by the way.

[Bob Duca]

John, John, you are again. You're dripping with masculinity. It would do me a great service if you would just give me a little bit of your sweat that I. If I could take it back to the clinic.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah. Bob. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe they could harvest, you know.

[Jon Hamm]

Here, have a lick.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Pumped up like the incredible.

[Bob Duca]

What do you think of that?

[Scott Aukerman]

That.

[Jon Hamm]

That was unexpected. That was unexpected.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a whole new you.

[Bob Duca]

Look at that. One peck. Just. Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's throbbing.

[Jon Hamm]

You better have another lick, I think, because you got. I don't want crazy on it, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was a little out of balance.

[Jon Hamm]

Knife out of balance.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Bob Duca]

Did you say Kawanish Scots?

[Scott Aukerman]

I did, yes.

[Bob Duca]

Oh, good, good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Bob, I. Look, I'll sign off on the papers.

[Bob Duca]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a new. A new step for our relationship.

[Jon Hamm]

I really do feel like it's great now, Bob, you have to like. Yeah, let' going to.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're going to have to obey me.

[Jon Hamm]

Let's not get poa Scotsy a little too far over the edge.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're going to have to honor thy father.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes. Which in this case, now.

[Bob Duca]

Are you my father now?

[Jon Hamm]

Would be.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, that's what an adoption did you.

[Bob Duca]

This is the happiest day of my life.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're happy.

[Jon Hamm]

And I got to say the Swolest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Bob Duca]

I. Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're going to have to do some chores around the house.

[Bob Duca]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Bob Duca]

Feel free to put me to work. I. I mean, you know what I.

[Jon Hamm]

Got to say, Scott. This is. This is going to open up a lot. Open up another chamber in your heart. Heart. Because you have this now. You have. You. You know, you've had a daughter for some time now. You have a son. And. And a swole son.

[Scott Aukerman]

And my daughter wanted a brother. I mean, exactly.

[Bob Duca]

Oh, this is gonna be.

[Jon Hamm]

He can break down boxes. Yes. He can take out the recycling.

[Bob Duca]

Let me out those boxes.

[Jon Hamm]

He can trim the hedges. There's so many great things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you willing to. To scrub bathrooms? Like scrub toilets?

[Bob Duca]

As long as you film it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I don't.

[Jon Hamm]

It's a weird request.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have an only fans page?

[Bob Duca]

I do that. I do. It's most. It's mostly ASMR and changing bandages.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sure we can work.

[Jon Hamm]

Sounds like a lot of toilet stuff too. So you.

[Bob Duca]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Bob, this is a happy day. I'm very excited.

[Bob Duca]

I'm thrilled.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you for coming to me.

[Bob Duca]

Here, let me. Let me shake your hand.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Steve Buscemi]

Wow, Bob.

[Scott Aukerman]

Incredible.

[Jon Hamm]

Holy cow. The grip strength alone.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is. This is a brand new era for Bob Duka.

[Bob Duca]

It is. It really is incredible. And I. And again, if you could stop wasting time and get on this because I can feel myself diminishing. I don't have a few more hours.

[Scott Aukerman]

Until I've said look, I've signed here.

[Jon Hamm]

I saw him do here. He filled it out online and he just needs the. The email address. I think it just.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, just.

[Jon Hamm]

Just press send.

[Scott Aukerman]

Press send.

[Bob Duca]

Okay. No, we got to find a Kinko's.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, it's got to go hard copy.

[Bob Duca]

Yeah, she only works. Yeah, I understand.

[Jon Hamm]

You want. You definitely want a paper trail. I think is the idea Kinko still exists.

[Bob Duca]

I. I do know where one is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why does that not surprise me? All right, look, Bob, we need to take a break.

[Jon Hamm]

This was. This was lovely. I gotta say, this was really surprising. Lovely.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was really nice. A nice family reunion on Comedy Bang Bang. And I feel bad because speaking of cleaning toilets, our next guest, I've been keeping him on the line here. We're gonna have to take a break and come back with the. The person who works in custodial services. So, Bob, can you stick around or do you have to immediately go to this regimen? All right, we're gonna have to talk about your attitude, young man. We're gonna come right back, we're gonna have more Jon Hamm, more Bob Duca, and a custodian. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Here's what it is. You create a stunning online presence with Squarespace where you can easily showcase your services. Whether it's, I don't know, consultations, maybe events, experiences, all on a fully customizable website. Just enjoy yourself customizing this thing. You're going to love it. It attracts clients and it helps grow your business. Squarespace's cutting edge design tools make it simple for anyone to build a bespoke website that aligns perfectly with their brand. Here's how you start. You start with Blueprint AI, their AI. AI AI AI powered website builder. And create a fully personalized site in just a few steps. Oh, this sounds so fut. Futuristic and exciting. Squarespace also helps streamline your entire workflow with built in tools for appointment scheduling, email marketing and professional invoicing. Plus, get paid on time with branded invoices and seamless online payments. Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit.

[Steve Buscemi]

When other lenders say no.

[Jon Hamm]

Apply in minutes and get a decision.

[Steve Buscemi]

As soon as the same day.

[Scott Aukerman]

Loans offered by NetCredit or lending partner banks and serviced by NetCredit application subject to review and approval. Learn more at netcredit.com partner. NetCredit Credit to the people the road is calling. Embrace the thrill of the drive with.

[Steve Buscemi]

The all new fully electric Audi Q6E Tron.

[Jon Hamm]

Featuring effortless power and advanced Audi tech. The next Chapter of Audi starts now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang bang. We are back. Jon Hamm is here. The show is your friend. Friends and neighbors. And it comes out the day after wet Day and August 11th, Friday Dry Day. We all know it comes out on Friday dry day. No more needs to be said. We also have my son, Bob Duca is here. Ex stepfather. Current son.

[Jon Hamm]

Current son, yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, I noticed that you were eating during the break and you left a little bit of a mess on the table. And I'm afraid that's a spanking, Bob.

[Bob Duca]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't make me come to you. Come over here.

[Bob Duca]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, here we go. Ready? One, two.

[Bob Duca]

Is that all you got? Give it to me good. Give it to me. Come on, you baby. Come on. Spank me like a man.

[Jon Hamm]

One for each appearance on the show. 19.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, boy. That really took it out of me. Honestly, that's harder on me than it is you. Because you can tell physical existence. Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

You can tell Scott's worked up a lather.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah.

[Bob Duca]

That's actually a pretty. Pretty good workout too. It brings a lot of blood to the. To the different parts.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's why I've always said spanking your children is a great workout.

[Jon Hamm]

It's a great workout.

[Bob Duca]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we have to get to our next guest. He is the aforementioned person who works in custodial services. Let's welcome him back to the show. It's Mike Ruby, the no snake play plummer.

[Steve Buscemi]

How you doing, Scott?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi, Mike. It's great to see you.

[Steve Buscemi]

I'm doing good. How are you?

[Scott Aukerman]

John Ham.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, Mr. Ham.

[Jon Hamm]

How we have not met, but it's great. It's great not to.

[Steve Buscemi]

I've done some work in your back house. Of course we haven't met, but I've met some.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you've seen his ads around the building.

[Jon Hamm]

No stink.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, of course I am. Of course. Mike Ruby, the no stank plumber. I guarantee there will be no stank when I come and do plumbing in your house.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about after you leave?

[Steve Buscemi]

Do you guarantee that I can't be a. Like, I try.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's normally the problem.

[Steve Buscemi]

Some of my lawyers. I talked to some of my lawyers and I said, like, can I get after.

[Jon Hamm]

It's the linger. Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

The cranberry.

[Steve Buscemi]

Cranberry rule. But they said no, that if it lingers. That's not my problem there. If it's lingers, they can't point fingers.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's merely what you do. And we. This was all well covered on your first appearance on the show is when you come.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

As opposed to most of the plumbers that you'll hire to come work on your house, they stink.

[Steve Buscemi]

Personally, they smell like they.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because they're always covered in elbows.

[Steve Buscemi]

They're covered in their ass. Cracks are out. They're wearing dirty overalls. It's nasty.

[Jon Hamm]

But this guy mos no stink, Scott.

[Steve Buscemi]

But I, Scott, I, as you know, plumbers have been under fire.

[Scott Aukerman]

I did not know that.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, you didn't know that?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I have not heard about that. Last plumber I heard about was that Joe the plumber guy, Remember?

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Doge was, was really going after the plumbers too. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Steve Buscemi]

I, I, I'm not too worried about Doge. They could cut his way much funding from the plumbing department as they want, but there's still going to be clogged toilets. There's still going to be.

[Jon Hamm]

That's a great, that's a great attitude.

[Steve Buscemi]

But no, Scott, there is a serial killer that has been targeting plumbers around.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Steve Buscemi]

Wow. That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, I haven't heard about.

[Steve Buscemi]

You haven't heard about this? It's the number one headline in all the newspapers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. How do they rank headlines?

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, I think it's the one that's on the front page that becomes so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whatever makes the front page.

[Steve Buscemi]

Whatever's on the front page. Second, old second page. You're number two.

[Jon Hamm]

Okay, well, number two sounds like the guy that you might be looking for, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that confusing to people?

[Steve Buscemi]

I don't like those kind of jokes.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the number one headline, Scott, this is serious.

[Steve Buscemi]

I'm talking about my dad.

[Jon Hamm]

Fair enough. Listen, you know, sometimes when you get scared, you just make music, you try to laugh.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're nervous right now. I know you're nervous.

[Jon Hamm]

For you, I'm nervous.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you're terrified.

[Jon Hamm]

For you and your brethren.

[Steve Buscemi]

Hundreds of plumbers have been brutally murdered around the city.

[Scott Aukerman]

In what manner?

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, Scott, I, I can. I'm here to raise awareness, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, we'll raise awareness by answering my question.

[Steve Buscemi]

All right, I will.

[Bob Duca]

There you go.

[Steve Buscemi]

I will raise.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is my son, Bob Duka. Hi, Bob.

[Steve Buscemi]

How are you?

[Bob Duca]

I'm well.

[Steve Buscemi]

All right, Scott. Well, the following list.

[Bob Duca]

What? Oh, boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a real list.

[Jon Hamm]

Show listicles.

[Steve Buscemi]

The following list, of course, Scott, is of all the plumbers who have died in the city of Los Angeles and the cause of death. Just to raise awareness, see if there are any clues out there, if people can figure this out.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right.

[Steve Buscemi]

Of course, Scott, my good friend, Toilet Tank Hank.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, not tth.

[Steve Buscemi]

He was thrown from a Train right outside of Los Alamos.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just like mama.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, that's what everyone likes to say. It's a fun joke. Oh, they threw him from the train like mama.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you know he was thrown from a train? Not just like, you know, fell off? Yeah.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, well, you know, the. The FBI was out there. They did some sort of forensic.

[Jon Hamm]

It was a federal crime.

[Steve Buscemi]

It was federal of the proximity. The train was just passing the California post office. Post office. So that. It was of course a federal crime.

[Scott Aukerman]

So I love California's post office.

[Jon Hamm]

That one post office that the whole state.

[Steve Buscemi]

Really beautiful. But unfortunately, toilet tank Hank died.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Jon Hamm]

It's a shame.

[Steve Buscemi]

Of course. Dante from AAA Plumbers. Dante is spelled D A N T D A.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I. I don't care, but okay.

[Steve Buscemi]

It's important. It's important because people need to know, you know, if you're gon.

[Jon Hamm]

You going to put on the card clues.

[Steve Buscemi]

What are you going to put on the card? The obituary, of course. His hand.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that I'm reading Dante's obituary.

[Steve Buscemi]

You don't read all the obituaries in the Times every night.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. It's. It's fascinating to me. The people who I. I posted an obituary about a year ago and that. That it gained some notice and people reached people because of it who, who are reading these things.

[Steve Buscemi]

A lot of people right before bed, like to pull out the newspaper, go to the obituary.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, I might be coming to join you.

[Steve Buscemi]

Wow.

[Jon Hamm]

They call them.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, of course. Dante from AAA Plumbing.

[Scott Aukerman]

We want a. Not a belly itcher. Sorry to interrupt your list. Go ahead.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is very important. Scott.

[Jon Hamm]

Dant A.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry. Dante.

[Bob Duca]

The same Dante?

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, he's the same Dante.

[Scott Aukerman]

We never got to his means of his COD.

[Steve Buscemi]

His hang glider was sabotaged above the Magic Castle, Scott. He fell through the building and up a magic trap. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait. So they sabotaged his Tang glider while it was in the air above the Magic Castle?

[Steve Buscemi]

I'm not sure how it was done, Scott.

[Jon Hamm]

I'm guess drones.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think drones are involved.

[Steve Buscemi]

We have looked into some drone stuff, but we haven't found any evidence.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott.

[Steve Buscemi]

I'm working very directly with the police.

[Jon Hamm]

So not only did he ruin this man's life, literally.

[Steve Buscemi]

And his hang glider.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Three things ruined life, hang glider and the magic trick.

[Bob Duca]

Did people assume it was part of the magic trick?

[Steve Buscemi]

A lot of people were like, oh, this is fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

One of those fake messing up this.

[Steve Buscemi]

Dead body is going to come to life and pull ace out of his pocket. That did not happen.

[Jon Hamm]

Is this Your card.

[Steve Buscemi]

That didn't happen.

[Jon Hamm]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the way, John just did pull out a card. It was my card.

[Steve Buscemi]

That was really crazy. He hadn't even pulled the card. But it happened to be his 12 of spades. It says the property of.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's about it. I didn't. Yeah, I didn't know what card it was.

[Bob Duca]

Did you see that? His. His testosterone levels plummeted when he started doing close hand match.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, you got to be careful. You got to be careful.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have a meter on him right now just to check him a trick.

[Jon Hamm]

A tea meter.

[Steve Buscemi]

Of course. Peter Pipes, plumbing professional.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no. I've seen his billboards.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yes. He'll plunge your poopa.

[Scott Aukerman]

He goes right to the source.

[Steve Buscemi]

He goes right to the source.

[Jon Hamm]

So not so much the plumbing, but the. The interior plumbing.

[Steve Buscemi]

He likes to come to your butthole and do some.

[Scott Aukerman]

He takes stuff. So that.

[Jon Hamm]

And this guy, too. No stank.

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, he. That doesn't. Not something he ever.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're the only. No stank.

[Jon Hamm]

Okay.

[Steve Buscemi]

There's some other. No stank plumbers. But he. He's. He. He's all about being a plumbing professional. Of course, his macho was slowly poisoned with leather condition over a period of eight months, Phantom thread style.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah. That's got to be an inside job.

[Steve Buscemi]

It drove him mad. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did he die or he's just been driven mad?

[Steve Buscemi]

It drove him mad. He was running up and down the streets of Franklin Boulevard here in Los Angeles, and he was hit by Danny Masterson's car. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Jon Hamm]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was Danny Masterson.

[Jon Hamm]

He clearly wasn't driving.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I don't think he was driving it.

[Jon Hamm]

No.

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, I think it was his. Someone had borrowed his car and they were driving from the.

[Scott Aukerman]

If I was going away to the big house, I'd load my car up.

[Jon Hamm]

What are you going to do with it?

[Steve Buscemi]

He's not driving that thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's.

[Steve Buscemi]

What's he doing with a Chevy Volt at this point?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, of course.

[Steve Buscemi]

Scent free. Robert.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sigh before every entry. I know. It's sad. We can stipulate. It's sad.

[Steve Buscemi]

I've been. I'm trying not to cry while I read these.

[Bob Duca]

How far apart are these. Are these deaths.

[Steve Buscemi]

A couple of them were in the same day.

[Bob Duca]

Oh, God.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh, wow.

[Steve Buscemi]

Same day is so.

[Jon Hamm]

It really is.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah. The same day.

[Jon Hamm]

An epidemic.

[Steve Buscemi]

It's.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is almost like John Ham's appearances on Comedy. Bang Bang.

[Steve Buscemi]

It's. It's insane.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sometimes they're close together for a while and then the.

[Steve Buscemi]

Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

God damn it. This is real. Like, try to pep this up. Okay. The heavy sign sent free Robert Gentry. What? Sent free Robert Gentry.

[Bob Duca]

I can only imagine there was a bit of competition between you two.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, we were. We were, of course, competitors, but we learned to become brothers.

[Jon Hamm]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was trapped. Damn it. Now that I have become attuned to is bugging me to know it.

[Steve Buscemi]

I'll try.

[Scott Aukerman]

I get that you're sad.

[Steve Buscemi]

I'll try not to size. But I've just been crying for weeks and weeks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I. I know this is your way into what's happening too, so a lot like this other guy knows his way of saying Scott is his way in. Anyway. Go ahead.

[Steve Buscemi]

Sometimes you need to ground yourself, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I understand.

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, scent free Robert Gentry was strapped to a water mill and slowly drowned over a period of eight months.

[Bob Duca]

Did you say a watermelon?

[Steve Buscemi]

No, a water mill.

[Jon Hamm]

So he. He went around and around.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because being strapped to a watermelon, probably not gonna drown you.

[Steve Buscemi]

That'd be pretty fun, to be honest.

[Scott Aukerman]

And honestly, it's not that different from being pregnant, from what I hear. Or.

[Jon Hamm]

Or just carrying a watermelon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Steve Buscemi]

That would be fun. Strap a watermelon to your stomach and pretend you're pregnant.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I think that's the new Amy Schumer movie, isn't it?

[Steve Buscemi]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know whether it's a watermelon.

[Steve Buscemi]

It sounds like a great movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Movie. Yeah.

[Steve Buscemi]

But, Scott, I won't sigh before I say Jake Alcott, the Human Ball Cock.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Human Ball What?

[Jon Hamm]

Ballcock.

[Steve Buscemi]

The Ballcock.

[Jon Hamm]

It's a plumbing. It's a plumbing reference.

[Steve Buscemi]

It's the inflatable ball that's in the top of your toilet tank to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it weird, though?

[Bob Duca]

Like, it's a ball. All right. Hey, come on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, Young man, I'm sorry. I'm not gonna say this again.

[Jon Hamm]

I would. I would say that, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't sass me.

[Jon Hamm]

Watch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your tone isn't insane, though, that, like, we've invented so many things like iPhones exist and everything, and there's still, like, an inflatable ball in our toilet.

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, you know, Scott, it's. It is absolutely a part of my profession, and I take what you just say personally.

[Scott Aukerman]

Beg your pardon?

[Steve Buscemi]

But of course, the human bcock. He. Someone cut his brakes, and he was driving and barreled straight into a fireworks factory. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's tough.

[Steve Buscemi]

That is not really tough.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wonder if they knew that that would happen. I mean.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, yeah. None of the fireworks went off.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. But it just crashed into.

[Steve Buscemi]

He just crashed Into a wall. Died. Went through his witch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Terrible.

[Steve Buscemi]

I'm s. And you know what? And the saddest part about it is he loved fireworks. He would have loved for some to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go off, but no, he just, like, crashes into the wall. He's staring at. At unlit fireworks, brain all over the place. Wow.

[Steve Buscemi]

And somebody cut his break. Scott.

[Jon Hamm]

So we're all. We're thinking maybe this is a. This is every. All. All the same person.

[Steve Buscemi]

I think they're all connected.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah.

[Steve Buscemi]

Because they. There is. There's a note being left at the scene of every neglected.

[Bob Duca]

That. That was.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, I haven't talked about that.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. What's the note?

[Steve Buscemi]

There's a note that says, death to all plumbers. You started the Los Angeles fires.

[Scott Aukerman]

Each.

[Bob Duca]

Each note says that.

[Steve Buscemi]

Each note, it kind of says that. Exactly.

[Bob Duca]

Seems like a real missed opportunity for such a creative serial killer.

[Scott Aukerman]

You think maybe this is someone who's been to a Kinko recently?

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, they just wrote it once, then made a bunch of copies of it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm looking at you.

[Bob Duca]

Let's go to Century City. I mean, city of industry. That's where the kink.

[Scott Aukerman]

Either one is equally city of industry.

[Steve Buscemi]

Frankie Flush, may he rest in peace, was a previous guest on your show. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't.

[Bob Duca]

Is he the one that got embarrassed a lot?

[Steve Buscemi]

Frankie Flush, constantly blushing. He was lured to medieval times with a story about an unplugable toilet. Legend said that you could plunge the unplungeable power pipes and be made king of all and piss. It was a ruse. And he was put to the wrench.

[Scott Aukerman]

The. The wrench?

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, he was put to the wrench.

[Scott Aukerman]

What does that mean? That's in the stockades or what?

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, it's kind of a sort of.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, medieval torture device.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, it's like they lay him down. They put his head on a thing leaning over, Then they put a wrench around his neck, and they just wrench it around till it pops up.

[Jon Hamm]

Yikes.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is terrible.

[Steve Buscemi]

Really tough stuff. Of course, Punani, the porcelain princess, she was drowned driving through a car wash. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, that's right. How did they do it? The converter window, slightly.

[Steve Buscemi]

The convertible was set to open in the car wash?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, it was on a timer.

[Steve Buscemi]

It was on a timer. And of course, all those little flappy dryer things slapped her in the face until she died.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's how she died.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so it wasn't drowning.

[Jon Hamm]

Wasn't drowning.

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, that's previously. You know what? I did say she drowned. That's not correct. That was what the police first thought.

[Scott Aukerman]

She got slapped by the flappy things.

[Steve Buscemi]

Changing poor punani, I must say.

[Scott Aukerman]

The size or not the size.

[Steve Buscemi]

Coming in. Of course, Little Turd, the canine mascot for the clog dogs, was drowned. Was drawn in quarters. You don't know Little Turd, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I do. They have a mascot.

[Steve Buscemi]

He's can. He's the canine mascot to the clog dogs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I don't even. No further questions. Just keep going.

[Steve Buscemi]

You don't want me to get it overruled.

[Bob Duca]

I want to hear this.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yes, of course. He was a little. He was a little dog covered in. And he would pop out of a toilet and he said, I uncle. I unclogged it and I'm a dog. It was a bad commercial.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. This doesn't make any.

[Steve Buscemi]

It's a bad commercial, but no. He was drawn and quartered and cooked up to look like a rotisserie chicken.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Steve Buscemi]

And then Michael Klowski, of course, the owner of Clogs and Dogs, ate his own dog and didn't even know it.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Jon Hamm]

That's rough.

[Steve Buscemi]

It's really tough stuff, Scott.

[Bob Duca]

What did he think he was eating?

[Steve Buscemi]

A rotisserie chicken?

[Bob Duca]

Oh, it's the same. Okay.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, it looked exactly like a rotisserie chicken.

[Jon Hamm]

I mean, I guess I could see the resemblance. I guess.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess so. Yeah. Cut off the head.

[Jon Hamm]

Except the covered in part might.

[Steve Buscemi]

The covered in. That was tough. Joe and Jill dump rug. The husband and wife owners of Flush Flush give me yo Yo. They, of course, clean people's toilets and only charged. Charge people with. For.

[Jon Hamm]

For.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, Scott, what are you talking about? They would clean someone's toilet.

[Steve Buscemi]

Clean their toilet, and then they would say, hey, please. The we only accept yo yos or yayo.

[Scott Aukerman]

So either yayo, which is pot, right?

[Steve Buscemi]

No, yayo is cocaine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it's cocaine. I'm sorry. That's right.

[Jon Hamm]

First you get the money, then you get the money.

[Steve Buscemi]

Then you get the women, then you.

[Jon Hamm]

Get the Yale, and that's only a few. The yayo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, got it, got it, got it, got it.

[Jon Hamm]

I forgot this guy, like that famous Cuban actor, Robert Loa.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's right.

[Steve Buscemi]

Of course. This husband.

[Scott Aukerman]

God damn it, stop with the sign. Try to say these cheerfully.

[Bob Duca]

He might be. Maybe the serial killer got to you.

[Jon Hamm]

I got to say, and I'm. I'm new to a lot of this. A lot of this. Not new to this, but I'm new to this. You know an awful lot about these murders.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, well, I'm working very closely with the police and the FBI. John M. You. Are you thinking that I somehow responsible for this?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's the first person of your competition, right?

[Jon Hamm]

And the first person they look at somebody close to everybody.

[Steve Buscemi]

That's. That's not the. That's not the case.

[Jon Hamm]

I don't know, Scott. Bob, I think I'm looking at a guy with a lot of information and I'm starting to smell something.

[Steve Buscemi]

Do you think I.

[Jon Hamm]

You're not so fresh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You're the no stank plumber. And suddenly we smell a rat.

[Steve Buscemi]

Do you think I killed Joe and Jill, plunging them to death?

[Jon Hamm]

They didn't get up that hill by themselves.

[Steve Buscemi]

How do you know about the hill? Because I didn't say anything about the hill. Mr. Ham, I believe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait a minute. How do you know?

[Bob Duca]

How do you know he did?

[Jon Hamm]

I think we all know that Joe and Jill have to go up that hill to fetch that pail of water that they need to unclog the toilet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jon Hamm]

Come on.

[Steve Buscemi]

Sigh. Brad and Barry, the bidet boys, of course they were drugged and woke up.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're now saying in the middle.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah. Sometimes they were both drugged and woke up in a bank with guns duct taped to their arms. And after a long standoff with the police, they were shot and killed by.

[Scott Aukerman]

Two of them, negotiators.

[Bob Duca]

And that the negotiator shot them. The negotiator.

[Jon Hamm]

Job.

[Bob Duca]

That's badass.

[Steve Buscemi]

Tough stuff.

[Jon Hamm]

Bad negotiating is what it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's my final hours and hours.

[Jon Hamm]

My first and final offer.

[Bob Duca]

Here's your pizza, here's your ex wife, and here's your ticket to hell.

[Steve Buscemi]

I'm glad you guys could joke about this. It's very funny for you. And of course we're trying to do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Something to pep up this segment, which is just being laden down by.

[Steve Buscemi]

Let me s off Mike.

[Scott Aukerman]

I could still hear it.

[Steve Buscemi]

And of course, Thor, the God of.

[Bob Duca]

Plunger windows are steaming up in here with all these signs.

[Steve Buscemi]

Thor, the God of plunger was shot in the head. Point blank rage.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. That's not as bad as the other one.

[Jon Hamm]

No, I mean that's.

[Steve Buscemi]

No, that's not as bad.

[Jon Hamm]

Thank goodness. That's a quick death.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's quick. Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, so you like shooting people in the head, Is that right, Scott?

[Jon Hamm]

Does he wear a helmet with little wings on it too?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Really? Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

Or is little plungers on it?

[Steve Buscemi]

They have little plungers on it.

[Jon Hamm]

That makes sense.

[Steve Buscemi]

So, Scott, you know we're under fire right now, Scott. I don't know what.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is terrible. Do you think you're next?

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, I, I know I'm next because I am. I'm the only plum. Plumber left in the city of Los Angeles. Scott, Re.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I wondered because I've had a clogged toilet for like the last three weeks.

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, Scott, I, I'm out here. I'm. I'm persevering. I'm in the face of fear. I'm continuing to do my job up, Scott. And of course I'm going through my 11 step process of cleaning anyone's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you bring another list?

[Steve Buscemi]

The following.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you. Can you. I'll let you.

[Steve Buscemi]

I have to sigh through this one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. This one is not as sad. So this one you can do cheerfully.

[Bob Duca]

Okay, can I interject here? If everybody else dead, your business must be booming.

[Steve Buscemi]

It is booming. I'm doing very well.

[Jon Hamm]

But I also like to offer the observation that maybe this guy leaving these notes is not. Is onto something because ever since all these deaths have been happening. No fires.

[Steve Buscemi]

That's exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do they think plumbers caused.

[Steve Buscemi]

I think there was something to do with like the water pressure and the Palisades. I don't remember, but it was not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, of course I know Billy Joel.

[Steve Buscemi]

He didn't speak fire. And he, he made that clear years and years ago. He got way ahead of it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Airtight alibi.

[Steve Buscemi]

You know what? I'm gonna make a song that's like, I didn't kill that guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. If O.J. had done that.

[Jon Hamm]

Oh.

[Steve Buscemi]

If he had had a, A like fun disco hit in the 80s.

[Jon Hamm]

I didn't kill a waiter.

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, Scott, you know, of course I have an 11 step process of cleaning anyone's toilet and I've had to make some changes based on the.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. We've read these 11 steps before. But you've made some changes now.

[Steve Buscemi]

Of course, step one. Scott received the call.

[Scott Aukerman]

That one is not changed.

[Steve Buscemi]

It has changed slightly because when I pick up the phone call, I pretend to be someone else until I'm sure it. It's a customer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

And not the murderer.

[Steve Buscemi]

And not the murderer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Before you used to do it, Lady Ghostbusters, you would answer the, answer the.

[Steve Buscemi]

Call and I'm ready to go. But now I pick up the phone, I'm like, hello, it's me, Myrtle. And I kind of do a whole thing. I wait, this is good.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you do a little character work.

[Steve Buscemi]

I do a little character work.

[Jon Hamm]

Always fun.

[Steve Buscemi]

They hire me, they tell me that they need to, to have their toilet cleaned. Now, of course, step two. I proudly take a shower. Scott. Yes, this is proudly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Proudly. This is in order to wash off any.

[Steve Buscemi]

I don't want to be stinking.

[Jon Hamm]

I.

[Steve Buscemi]

My guarantee is very important to me. But now, with a serial kill out there, I do stand in the shower with a dead man switch. And if anyone opens. Opens my shower curtain like in the movie Psycho, I will let it go, and my house will blow up.

[Jon Hamm]

I mean, better safe than sorry.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, it's. I've worked on it. I mean, it's the best way to take a shower these days. So I do have a dead man switch.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have a. A spouse or.

[Steve Buscemi]

Okay, live alone. Now, of course, step three, I drive to the house.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Steve Buscemi]

Now, on my way by.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the way, Joan and Bob. His 11 steps go very into detail. Okay. So it's like we're not leaving any step.

[Jon Hamm]

Okay. I mean, listen, I'm glad. I'm. I'm very glad that it's.

[Bob Duca]

I think you should consider hypertext.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Steve Buscemi]

That's not a bad idea. So, of course I drive to the house. I make a lot of left turns, right turns, trying to lose anyone.

[Jon Hamm]

Might be trying to shake the tail.

[Steve Buscemi]

And let me tell you what if you were to. If you were able to, like, pull me off the road and try to pull me out of the car, guess what? I'm not in there. I was in another car.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're in a decoy.

[Steve Buscemi]

That's right. So I do send a decoy, and it's a very long.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not an official step.

[Jon Hamm]

Is it like a wayo?

[Steve Buscemi]

It is a wayo. It's a driverless car.

[Jon Hamm]

Smart.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I have wayo, by the way, is doing such wonders for decoys.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, it's the best.

[Jon Hamm]

It's way more.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have to hire a guy.

[Steve Buscemi]

No, you just put a dummy in the front of a waymo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jon Hamm]

Way more easier than.

[Steve Buscemi]

It's way more. That's really good. You should do commercial.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got to do a commercial for them, and then you'll get a free ride somewhere.

[Steve Buscemi]

Now, of course, step four, I get out of the car. Now. This is a big step, Scott.

[Jon Hamm]

Huge.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a big step.

[Bob Duca]

I didn't hear you park or turn off.

[Steve Buscemi]

No, no, no. I get out of.

[Jon Hamm]

Car's still rolling. Car's still rolling.

[Bob Duca]

Very clearly.

[Steve Buscemi]

Slow it down to a roll. I tuck.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not a step.

[Steve Buscemi]

Okay, that's not a step. But I tuck and I just jump. I roll out of the car. And then now with the serial killer out there, I get up I announce myself to the Nick neighborhood. I. I say, hey, it's me. It's Mike Ruby. I'm here. I'm. I'm ready to do some plumbing. I sound off a bear horn a little bit just to get people's attention.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Steve Buscemi]

And, you know, that step has been, you know, it's similar, but a little bit different. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. I don't recall what the other steps were. No.

[Steve Buscemi]

You don't remember upon arrival?

[Scott Aukerman]

Nope.

[Steve Buscemi]

I asked the people to point me in the direction of the stank.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Okay. I do remember.

[Steve Buscemi]

But now, Scott, before I do that, I make sure that they sign an answer NDA.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so this is what step.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is step five. I'm inside the house. They sign an NDA.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Steve Buscemi]

And I say, hey, you can't say anything about the work I'm doing in this house. You can't even say that I did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Plumbing on your house because you don't want anyone tracking.

[Steve Buscemi]

I mean, look, I did announce myself outside the house, but now that I'm inside, seems counterintuitive. I don't want anyone to know what's going on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Got it.

[Steve Buscemi]

Now, of course, step six. Once they've pointed me in the direction of the stank.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, so you've eliminated that step?

[Steve Buscemi]

No, no, no. That is the step I. They sign an NDA, and then they point me in the.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is two. This is two steps, and you can't.

[Bob Duca]

Follow your nose to this tank. You need to be.

[Steve Buscemi]

Now, like I said, step six. This has always been the case. I float off the ground like Pepa Le Pew. And I do follow my.

[Jon Hamm]

That's nice. That's nice.

[Steve Buscemi]

But before I make my way to the bathroom, I do pull out my gun and I sweep the house.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're Levitro. I'm levitating, and you're sweeping that.

[Steve Buscemi]

I'm holding a gun. I'm peeking around corners. I'm going clear.

[Scott Aukerman]

Clear.

[Steve Buscemi]

You know, that kind of thing. I'm shooting out any windows so people can't see any.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is all Pepe Lew style.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is all Pepe Le Pew style, and it's for my own safety.

[Jon Hamm]

Scott. Now, since you are levitating, when you shoot the windows out, does that. Does the equal and opposite reaction says, you got to go push back.

[Steve Buscemi]

A lot of times I'll shoot, and I'll just go wee and just go right up. It's very odd, but I have to do it. It's the only way to keep myself safe.

[Jon Hamm]

That's fair.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Steve Buscemi]

Now, of course, Step seven. I'm in the bathroom. I will lock myself into the bathroom. Bathroom, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is where I close my eyes and take a load off. Because I'm safe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, you're finally in your happy place.

[Steve Buscemi]

Finally relax.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Steve Buscemi]

So of course, this is my meditation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you cleared the bathroom though, at this point?

[Steve Buscemi]

No. No. I don't even want to see what's in there. So my eyes are closed when I walk.

[Scott Aukerman]

So someone could be in the bathtub behind the curtain.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is really good. Let me write this down.

[Bob Duca]

Wouldn't that be where you go?

[Jon Hamm]

Here's how I would do it. I would look in, you know, I would wash my hands because obviously you getting ready to do something.

[Steve Buscemi]

Okay. How dare you.

[Jon Hamm]

And you would look. And you would look in the. In the bathroom mirror. You would open the mirror just to check and see if there's anything in there.

[Scott Aukerman]

See? It's a false front.

[Jon Hamm]

You never know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, there could be like a big. There could be a Candyman style hole in, you know, behind the mirror.

[Jon Hamm]

Exactly. Or the guy, the. Yes, exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Someone hiding in the walls, you know, or something. Yeah, well, who, who hid in the walls in that one movie? Thank you, Bob.

[Jon Hamm]

I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's Kool Aid, man. You never know. Someone should come through a wall. Wall.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly.

[Jon Hamm]

Boy, when you close that, you close that medicine cabinet mirror. Watch out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because there's usually something.

[Jon Hamm]

Usually someone's. Right.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is why I don't touch the medicine cabinet mirror. Gives a killer an opportunity to sneak up behind you.

[Jon Hamm]

Jump.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scare. Yes.

[Steve Buscemi]

So I don't do that. Of course. I shoot out the mirror so that there are no mirrors. Do my meditation now. Of course. Step eight. Classic Scott. I will disassociate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, of course. Because this, the. The.

[Steve Buscemi]

The idea of. And piss is so disgusting to me that in order for me to clean it, I have to be in a complete F. Sure. So I disassociate. Step nine. I hit my head on the sink.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Before you've cleaned it. I can't remember.

[Steve Buscemi]

No, no, no. I haven't cleaned anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

You haven't cleaned anything. You're in the fuke state. You hit your head.

[Steve Buscemi]

I hit my head on the sink.

[Jon Hamm]

Is this because you've lost consciousness or is it something.

[Steve Buscemi]

I have lost consciousness. The blood has rushed away from my brain.

[Bob Duca]

Right.

[Steve Buscemi]

I hit my head on the sink. Step 10, I wake up and hope the bathroom is clean.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. And if it's not?

[Steve Buscemi]

If it's not. Step 11, I burn the house to the ground.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Yes. This is the Mike Ruby promise.

[Bob Duca]

Wait.

[Steve Buscemi]

I burned the house to the ground. Maybe I did start the California fires.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was gonna say because you've talked about burning so many houses down to the ground.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah, I do a lot of work in the Pacific Palisades and Altadena.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why those two neighborhoods exclusively?

[Steve Buscemi]

They got.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're so far apart.

[Steve Buscemi]

The pipes are nasty. The pipes are nasty. These.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, they have bad pipes.

[Steve Buscemi]

They have bad.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've heard that about the Palisades.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, they got bad pipes.

[Jon Hamm]

Palisades. Rough pipes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rough pipes.

[Steve Buscemi]

Rough pipes.

[Scott Aukerman]

So.

[Steve Buscemi]

So I guess I might be responsible for the. Huh.

[Scott Aukerman]

So all.

[Steve Buscemi]

Anyways, that. Those are my alleged.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyways.

[Jon Hamm]

Anyway. Wait a minute. This was hundreds of millions of dollars in damage and lives ruined.

[Bob Duca]

Don't beat yourself up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you, Bob.

[Bob Duca]

Don't be. Come on.

[Steve Buscemi]

I don't want to.

[Jon Hamm]

I mean, yes, we all make mistakes.

[Scott Aukerman]

We all make mistakes.

[Steve Buscemi]

We all make mistakes. That doesn't mean I should be the target of a serial killer.

[Scott Aukerman]

It also seems like a lot of your contemporaries might be dying when it's your fault that can't be traced.

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, no, when you think about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

It could be you've just said it on. You admitted it.

[Steve Buscemi]

If I did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Jon Hamm]

He admitted he did start the fire.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jon Hamm]

It wasn't always burning.

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, this is. Really.

[Scott Aukerman]

Every single line in that is the opposite he did for me. Yeah. So what are the. What?

[Jon Hamm]

It wasn't always burning.

[Steve Buscemi]

I know Marilyn Monroe was in there, but I don't know what the opposite of that is.

[Jon Hamm]

What's the opposite of chubby checker? Skinny Chess.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. There's got to be a singer named Skinny Chess.

[Steve Buscemi]

That'd be really good, Scott. Well, you know damn well I'm sorry that's happening to my fellow plumbers out.

[Scott Aukerman]

There, but yeah, it should be happening to you. Honestly, I think you should go to the media. As they said in the movie Arthur. Alert, alert. Media.

[Steve Buscemi]

You think I should have learned the media, Scott?

[Scott Aukerman]

I do. You take the heat off your fellow.

[Steve Buscemi]

I've got so many plumbing appointments. I don't know if I can do that. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess you are sitting pretty here.

[Steve Buscemi]

I'm sitting pretty. I've got a throne made of gold. And that throne is of course a toilet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course.

[Steve Buscemi]

This is tough, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now you're sighing.

[Jon Hamm]

Well now, out of exasperation.

[Steve Buscemi]

These are size of regret because I've realized I've put my fellow. My fellow plumber in danger.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott.

[Bob Duca]

Well, not.

[Jon Hamm]

They're dead out of danger.

[Bob Duca]

Yeah, you're worried.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have one emotional state and it's just sighing.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, my God, you should see me when I'm jerking up.

[Bob Duca]

I have. I have a question. I have a question.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes?

[Bob Duca]

Bob is there in piss in plumber heaven.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, God, I really hope so, Scott, you know, of course I.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is Bob. Who? Oh, Bob, my son.

[Steve Buscemi]

I thought he was Scott Junior.

[Scott Aukerman]

Papa.

[Bob Duca]

Let. Let him answer me, please. I need. I need my independence, man.

[Steve Buscemi]

I really hope there is. Of course, I'm a. I'm a plumber. Catholic. Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

What does that mean?

[Steve Buscemi]

I believe in the holy Trinity, Scott. Shit, piss and puke. And I'm really hoping that those three things are there to greet me at the oily gates. And gosh, but you know what? I don't want to die, so I'm not trying to think about that thing. I'm trying to live.

[Scott Aukerman]

You might not. And in fact, I bet all four of us never do.

[Jon Hamm]

You know, I think just because having gone through this, that grants us limited immortality.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think so.

[Jon Hamm]

You did a good thing today.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah.

[Bob Duca]

Oh, and I'm at the clinic. I'm. I'm gonna get his.

[Jon Hamm]

He's got. He's got some.

[Scott Aukerman]

Some medical.

[Jon Hamm]

A couple of lists that he could probably go through to tell you how to achieve a.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have a TV show coming?

[Jon Hamm]

I've got a show coming out, so I can't.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can't. Yeah. Premiere. You have SNL and this is the only plumber left.

[Steve Buscemi]

I. I can't be killed because if I would. If. If that does happen, this. The streets of LA will just be. I hate to say it, Scott, Covet.

[Jon Hamm]

And wow over flowing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, look, Mike, I'm sure nothing's going to happen to you before the end of the show and whoever has been xeroxing these notes at the Kinkos is probably not going to come in here and do anything.

[Steve Buscemi]

I really.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this certainly wasn't an elaborate trap. No.

[Steve Buscemi]

The doors are locked, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. Yeah, maybe, but never locked. We are running out of time. We really only have time for one final feature on the show and that is of course a little something called Plug Bugs.

[Jon Hamm]

Fl.

[Scott Aukerman]

Didn't end with the fart noise. What is going on?

[Jon Hamm]

Delivered. Not delivered.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was PL Rock by Dantastique. Thank you to Dantastique. If you have a plug theme, head over to cbb world.com plugs you can upload it there and you can be famous for a week. And Dantastique, you are famous for a week.

[Jon Hamm]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do we plug in Here, John, obviously you have a show coming out.

[Jon Hamm]

I have a show coming out the day after. Wet day, Friday, dry day. It's called your friends and neighbors. April 11, Apple TV plus, first two episodes dropping, then one a week, one.

[Scott Aukerman]

A week until they're done. How many. How many are we?

[Jon Hamm]

Nine in season one. We'll be commencing shooting season two the following week. It's very exciting. It's shot in New York. New York. Upstate New York.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. The.

[Jon Hamm]

The. The luxury oozes off the screen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why only nine here? Like, if you.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

To get to 93 in Madman, you're gonna have to do 10. 10 and a half years of this.

[Jon Hamm]

Hey, your lips to God's ear, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

That would be nice.

[Jon Hamm]

Yes, indeed. Thank you very much.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm gonna miss you when you're gone, though.

[Jon Hamm]

Listen, I. I'm not going anywhere.

[Scott Aukerman]

We hate to lose our LA actors. We like them here, right here in our hometown. But if you have to move to New York for a little while, you.

[Jon Hamm]

Know what, Los Angeles, Scott. A little show called the Morning Show. Hey, why can't two things be true?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, man. I think it's a pretty big show.

[Jon Hamm]

Like Colossus. I straddled the country. One foot on either coast.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, Bob Tuka, do you have anything you want to plug?

[Bob Duca]

I want to plug an appearance on one of those Turkish hair transplant planes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Jon Hamm]

Plugs and plugs, plugs and plugs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Bob Duca]

And also me and my. Me and my papa are going to a baseball game.

[Scott Aukerman]

I.

[Bob Duca]

We're going to.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that I have time.

[Bob Duca]

Santa Monica boardwalk.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fly all the way out to the.

[Bob Duca]

We're gonna go to a monster truck rally.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I'm slightly interested in that.

[Bob Duca]

And we're gonna. We're gonna learn to swim.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't know how to swim or. I don't know how to swim?

[Bob Duca]

I don't know how to swim. Do you know how to swim?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't. I don't know how to swim either. We can both just kind of flail around if you want.

[Bob Duca]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. Nothing else to plug.

[Bob Duca]

I'll plug my friend. Show dinosaur at Largo at the Coronet once a month.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Is there a podcast, maybe, that you might want to.

[Jon Hamm]

Sure.

[Bob Duca]

It's called. It's called College Town. I was getting there. I'm getting there. Come on, dad.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you don't plug your podcast, you're going to get a spanking.

[Bob Duca]

Young man, find all college towns on Comedy Bang Bang World. Are you happy now?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, I'm happy. Go straight up to your room.

[Bob Duca]

I'm getting my belly button pierced.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hell no. Mike, Ruby, anything you want to plug?

[Steve Buscemi]

Well, of course I'll be singing man and Me by Bob Dylan at Punani the porcelain princess's funeral.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Steve Buscemi]

This Sunday? Yeah, of course.

[Jon Hamm]

It's the least you could do.

[Steve Buscemi]

It's the least I could do. I listen to this podcast called Scott hasn't seen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh yeah, I'm on that. You listen. That's me.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, that's got interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, we watch movies.

[Bob Duca]

Is it about keys and sunglasses and stuff?

[Scott Aukerman]

Stuff. No, it's not about finding the things I've misplaced.

[Steve Buscemi]

So you're a deranged human being, is that right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. And we by the way, just wrapped up month. Month.

[Steve Buscemi]

That, that was really clever.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Where we every movie that we watched had a month in the title.

[Steve Buscemi]

And of course it was difficult for the hosts to figure out which movies.

[Scott Aukerman]

To do, but we finally figured out March of the Penguins at the end and we were very happy.

[Steve Buscemi]

That a little bit of a stretch, but hey, guess what? It takes place over a month.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right.

[Steve Buscemi]

Yeah. And you know, I've got a more like four. I pledge the toilet of this really funny improviser named Sean Diston. He does this show at ucb third, third Wednesday of the month. It's called Two is the Magic Number with Devin Field. You can buy live stream tickets for [e-mail].

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh yeah, they just did one maybe couple weeks ago.

[Jon Hamm]

You don't even have to go.

[Steve Buscemi]

You don't even have to go.

[Jon Hamm]

You don't have to stand in line. You don't have to breathe other people's air.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sit there in your own house while you're watch it. You watch it.

[Steve Buscemi]

This guy, Sean Diston, improvise a jerk off while you do it. He's all for it.

[Scott Aukerman]

He wants.

[Steve Buscemi]

He actually likes that.

[Jon Hamm]

Hey, that camera don't go both ways.

[Steve Buscemi]

But that's it, Scott. That's all I've got.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I want to plug. Hey, we mentioned Collegetown over on CBB World. We have so many great shows that we mentioned, Scott. As seen. We have also have the neighborhood. Listen over there we have CBB presents like hey Randy, Bob, you had a show on there for a while and you keep threatening to come out with another episode. For now a year and a half.

[Bob Duca]

I would love to. I, I, it's not in my hands at this point.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not in your, Whose hands could they possibly be in?

[Bob Duca]

The editor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, so all everything's Recorded.

[Bob Duca]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay, well maybe that'll come out very soon then.

[Jon Hamm]

You never want to blame below the line.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you know that's always.

[Bob Duca]

I'm better than that.

[Jon Hamm]

Yeah, you are. It's a poor craftsman.

[Steve Buscemi]

It's not an alpha move I got.

[Bob Duca]

Did you see the way he was looking at me though?

[Jon Hamm]

Disappointed. Disappointed.

[Steve Buscemi]

No, I get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

But we have so many great shows over there, plus the entire archive of comedy Bang bang. Every single episode we've ever recorded.

[Jon Hamm]

Ad Free 909.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. As well as every live episode we've ever done. Hundreds of those.

[Steve Buscemi]

Do you sell any funny t shirts?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, we have a great T shirt that Jack Quaid and my co host of Scott hasn't seen spray Dennis boy. Yeah, Dennis's boy. Yeah. We all came up with a T shirt that has Godzilla on it holding a pizza. And it says green things like me, like round things like this.

[Steve Buscemi]

And this is a shirt that has unprecedented engagement with us.

[Jon Hamm]

Weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

Weirdly enough, it is the most popular thing I've ever been involved with.

[Steve Buscemi]

People are taking pictures of it like anor w all over the world. Said I brought my shirt to Thailand in a weird way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really crazy. Anyway, you can get all of that over at CBB world. All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

[Jon Hamm]

Open the block back with me, dude. Open the block back with me, dude. Just please don't close it and be rude. Please don't close it and be rude. You got it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please don't pose it. All right, that was Open the plug back with Me dude by William Byrne. Thanks to William Byrne. And guys, I want to thank everyone here at this table. John, always great to have you.

[Jon Hamm]

Thank you for having me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your 12th appearance. Dirty does. I love that. And good luck with the show. Thank you. And many hamburgers to you as well. Thank you very the hamburgers and Bob.

[Bob Duca]

Hey, pop, can I borrow the keys to the car?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, you can.

[Bob Duca]

Me and some of my bros are going to go hang out by the quarry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Bob Duca]

No, come on.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, Bob, we'll be. We'll be talking about your privileges as soon as the show was over. And then Mike, Ruby, I'm so sorry to hear that you're the target of.

[Steve Buscemi]

I'm trying not to sigh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Some deranged lunatic who hangs out at a Kingos all the time. Who maybe.

[Steve Buscemi]

Oh, God.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's. What's going on?

[Steve Buscemi]

My. My good friend no stench Wayne wrench was folded up in a suitcase and mailed to Abu Dhabi.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott top secret style.

[Steve Buscemi]

He was killed top secret style that.

[Bob Duca]

To be expensive to mail a suitcase.

[Steve Buscemi]

It was very expensive. I'm glad you guys are having fun with this. This just kind of the hardest time of my life right now.

[Bob Duca]

Did it when it when it got there did have like a bunch of it had steamer trunk stickers.

[Steve Buscemi]

It had gone through Albuquerque. It had gone through many he stops.

[Scott Aukerman]

But wow.

[Steve Buscemi]

But it's fine. I'm still alive, Scott, and I will live forever. And that's not going to change.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Yeah. Of course. Assuming that this entire podcast wasn't a trap for a deranged lunatic too.

[Bob Duca]

M. Night Shyamalan.

[Steve Buscemi]

What the hell is Shyamalan?

[Scott Aukerman]

Who let Shyama in here?

[Steve Buscemi]

His daughter's singing and it's pretty good.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye Byee March is national kidney month 37 million Americans have chronic kidney disease, also known as CKD, and most don't know it. High blood pressure and diabetes increase the risk for cd. Symptoms of kidney disease may include fatigue, shortness of breath, lower back pain, high blood pressure, or changes in urination. If you want to protect your kidneys or learn how to get tested, Fresenius Kidney Care can help. Learn [e-mail] that's kidneyrisk.com Geico gives you.

[Jon Hamm]

A total car coverage combo, from flat tires to fender benders. And with 247 help too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kind of like the combination of EDM.

[Jon Hamm]

Death metal and smooth jazz. Whatever you need. Get more with geico. Let's face it, after a night with drinks, even just a couple, it can.

[Bob Duca]

Be hard to bounce back the next.

[Jon Hamm]

Day to wake up feeling fresh. There's Zebiotics Pre Alcohol Probiotic Drink, a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Probiotic invented by PhD scientists to break.

[Jon Hamm]

Down the toxic byproduct of alcohol. Just make ZBiotics your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly and you'll feel your best tomorrow. Get 15% off your first order at.

[Bob Duca]

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