
Break off a new hundo with stand-up of note Mo Welch, who joins Scott to discuss how her relationship with dad inspired her stand-up special "Dad Jokes," and being the B.J. Novak of the new Office reboot. Then, Coach Prime swings by to look for some Dogs, and shoe-store owner/proprietor Juvenille Booterie, aka: James Armentrout, talks about the struggle to transition to a hip-hop career.
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Scott Aukerman
This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Progressive where drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average. Plus auto customers qualify for an average of 7 discounts. Quote now@progressive.com to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates national average 12 month savings of $744 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary discounts, states and situations. I'm sure you can relate to being in a bad relationship and feeling like there's something better out there. No, I'm not talking about your dating life. I'm talking about your home Internet. Right now with US Cellular you can get fast home Internet for just $39.99 a month when bundled with a wireless plan. And it comes with a three year price lock guarantee so you don't have to worry about it changing on you after the honeymoon phase. So break up with your old expensive cable Internet and get us cellular make the switch today. Terms apply. Visit uscellular.com for details. No shirt, no shoes. Now I have ringworm. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Ah yes. Thank you to JD Bamba in all caps too. JD Bamba, I think is how it's pronounced. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. My name is Scott Aukerman and it is always great to break off another hundo. That's right. This is episode 901. We are breaking off our 10th hundo, if you can imagine, in just a mere two years will be up to episode 1000. That's incredible. But we love breaking off new hundos and there's no better group to break off said hundo than with this group. Coming up a little later, we have a former athlete and current coach and we also have the owner and proprietor of a children's footwear store. So that is, I assume they're the owner and proprietor. I would imagine they propriet it as well as hopefully own it. But we'll find out about that in a little later. In a little bit is what I meant to say. Not in a little later. I am so sorry. I apologize. Is our editing machine still broken? Yeah, getting word it's still broken. That's going to go out exactly as it occurred, unfortunately. But you know what, let's get to our first guest of this new hundo. Our tenth hundo. Very exciting. She is a stand up comedian of note. And what do you think about being a stand up comedian of note?
Mo Welch
I love it. I'm making business Cards tomorrow.
Scott Aukerman
People have noted that you are a stand up comedian.
Mo Welch
That's the review. They've just noted. I do that.
Scott Aukerman
She has a wonderful new. I'm going to call it a docu special. Like a hybrid of a documentary and a special. Although if you were truly making a portmanteau of documentary and special, wouldn't you shorten special so it'd be docu Eshal.
Mo Welch
You're right. You know, 901. You still got it.
Scott Aukerman
Yep, 901. It's called dad jokes and we're going to talk about it here. And it's her. She's joining the exclusive One Timers Club. This is exciting. Please welcome Mo Welch.
Mo Welch
Thank you.
Scott Aukerman
No, no one has to clap.
Mo Welch
No, no.
Scott Aukerman
It's a podcast. There's no audience. But you're here.
Mo Welch
I always said it with pause. I always pause for applause.
Scott Aukerman
I said it with such verve and force that it seemed like there should have been just a thunderous level of applause here. But unfortunately there is no audience. But welcome to the show. It's so good to see you.
Mo Welch
Thank you. I drew that at some point.
Scott Aukerman
You. You're pointing to either my phone, which I don't think you drew my phone.
Mo Welch
I drew that.
Scott Aukerman
You're pointing to my glasses maybe, I don't know. Or you're pointing to this picture of my daughter.
Mo Welch
Yes.
Scott Aukerman
Or you're gonna have to be more specific than just gesturing towards a million things.
Mo Welch
That cartoon head, which one?
Juvenile Bootery
This one right there?
Mo Welch
Yeah, that's my cartoon. So at some point, I know I'm in the One Timers club right now, but at some point I was sitting at this table.
Scott Aukerman
That's right. Wow. So what, on what occasion do you recall?
Mo Welch
I don't. I don't recall.
Scott Aukerman
Have you ever done a podcast before?
Mo Welch
Sm? No, I'm a one timer. I'm a one time podcast guest.
Scott Aukerman
It's so great to meet you. So great to have you on the show. Big fan of your. The comedy of note that we discussed earlier and I watched your special and let's roll up our sleeves. Let's get into it. What do you say?
Mo Welch
Let's do it.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. This is. Now a lot of comedians put out a special almost to the point where they're not even special anymore. They're just. They're normals.
Mo Welch
I agree with this.
Scott Aukerman
You know, and yet you put out a hybrid which I'm going to call a docu Eshal. This is a mixture of standup comedy as well as something else. Do you want to tell and inform our listeners Regarding as to what that.
Mo Welch
Might be, I will inform. I made a documentary about going to see my dad for the first time in 20 years.
Scott Aukerman
20 years?
Mo Welch
Yes. And then I put a stand up around it. Cause it, you know, just to cut the tension.
Scott Aukerman
Did you always think he was gonna have standup around it? Was that the intent or were you just kind of filming?
Mo Welch
I thought it would just. Well, you know, on the road before we had some shows like on the way to go see, you know, I went to like new and stuff and we had some. Some footage from there and then it just kind of looked. It ended up being like 35 minutes.
Scott Aukerman
The whole thing of stand up or documentary of. Oh yeah.
Mo Welch
And so we had to make it closer to an hour.
Scott Aukerman
Right. How close is it to that hour, by the way?
Mo Welch
I want to say it is like 58 minutes or something.
Scott Aukerman
Really? Is it that? It seemed longer to me.
Mo Welch
Maybe it was. That's what I like when people. Yeah, it seemed longer. It seemed like really long.
Scott Aukerman
Well, let's discuss it. You haven't seen your father in two decades up till this point when you made the film. And what were the reasons behind that?
Mo Welch
We moved. So when my parents got divorced, we moved from central Illinois, which is featured heavily in the doc.
Scott Aukerman
So much so that other than the standup, the approximately 25 other minutes. Yes, 35 other minutes. It never seems to veer out of there, does it?
Mo Welch
We're just stuck in there. And that's how I felt when I was a kid. Just stuck around those cornfields. There's not even, you know that town that, that I'm in in the special in the Eschel is. No, no, no. In the docu is under 400 people live there. There's not even one store. And that's where I was a preteen.
Scott Aukerman
There's not even one store. What does that mean? There's no store, no place where anyone sells anything.
Mo Welch
There's no business. There used to be a gas station when I was a kid and we used to go. We used to walk a mile to go to that gas.
Scott Aukerman
Tough when the gas station goes out of business like the one profitable like oil.
Mo Welch
And it's. Believe it or not, believe it or not, it's not because of electric cars down there.
Scott Aukerman
So just there's. There's not enough people. They're not. I mean it seems like they would have to drive to go buy their groceries. So the gas station is like making hay.
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So maybe making hay is the, the better business out there.
Mo Welch
That would be nice.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Mo Welch
I'll be right back.
Scott Aukerman
So it's a very small town. What is the name of the town?
Mo Welch
Is it Armington?
Scott Aukerman
Armington, yeah. So people, like, look down at their bodies and they go, I don't know, let's just name a town after this thing.
Mo Welch
Absolutely.
Scott Aukerman
So you grew up in Armington. You moved away after your mother and father got divorced, and then what happened?
Mo Welch
So then we moved to Oak park somewhere. We moved to Oak Park.
Scott Aukerman
Now, this is in Illinois.
Mo Welch
Yeah, that's right outside Chicago. Yeah. And so we moved there, and then we just never see this guy again. He just shows off. He's got his own life. He gets married to Penny. Never seen her wear a bra. It's fine. But it's. He. He's got all of his stepchildren. He gets a new family.
Scott Aukerman
Does he? Does he. He doesn't have any more natural children of his own?
Juvenile Bootery
No.
Mo Welch
Well, not that we know of, but there have been people, you know, there have been some messages, there's been some Facebook messages.
Scott Aukerman
So he marries someone else and then just never has occasion to ever swing by Oak Park.
Mo Welch
Yeah, well, he did. On my 18th birthday, he came up to take me off the child support, but he didn't come to say hi. Yeah. And, you know, I have four siblings, so it was like. It was a lot of kids to leave in the dust. But.
Scott Aukerman
Right. Did he pay his child support the entire year?
Mo Welch
No, he never paid it.
Scott Aukerman
He never paid it.
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So when you turned 18, it was a big day for him because now he doesn't have to pay it.
Mo Welch
He wasn't even paid it anymore. And, you know, it's kind of fun when they go to jail. When they go. When those dads go to jail, they. The. The bail is set at, like, $5,000. And all that money goes to my mom, so my mom's always like, God, I hope it gets pulled over. You use the money.
Scott Aukerman
Could use that five grand. And so the last time you saw him before this experience was when you were 18?
Mo Welch
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Around 18. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So you're maybe.
Mo Welch
No, no, no. Before that it was like. Maybe it was like 16, because he came up, but he didn't come to say hi to me. So maybe it was like 15 or 16.
Scott Aukerman
Now, this experience in having this type of father in the docu eshal, you note that this has led you to writing a certain type of humorous punchline and setup. We call them jokes.
Mo Welch
Punch up comes first, then setup.
Scott Aukerman
So you've written a lot of jokes about your father.
Mo Welch
Yes.
Scott Aukerman
And you were Wondering why that is.
Mo Welch
Right? So I had all these jokes about my dad because to me it was like, I don't know, it was easy. But I always thought, oh, that's funny. Even though looking back, I'm like, a lot of audiences, you do that setup and they're like, where is this going? God, this is depressing. And I kept going, though. And, and, and, but that's what I asked myself before I did this special. Cause I was just like, okay, why do I have all these jokes? I don't even know this guy. And so I compiled all the jokes I had and then I wrote a bunch of new ones and I thought, like, oh, maybe I'll get some new experiences if I actually go meet him. Cause they were all like, in the past, childhood jokes, right?
Scott Aukerman
And now you want some adult dad jokes where it's like, hey, so I met my dad and this happened.
Mo Welch
Yeah, I met my dad and that.
Scott Aukerman
Was weird, you know, so you, you do a. You chronicle, which is a fancy word to say that you film yourself. You chronicle this journey to the far off town of Indianapolis. Is that where he is? In order to meet him, you set up a meeting. We don't see the ins and outs of the setup of the meeting, but you reach out to him.
Mo Welch
Yeah, And I had a few friends that it was like a three person crew. And we go out there and so they had his number and so they were able to speak with him, you know, text with him. And I didn't know if he was gonna show up.
Scott Aukerman
Right.
Mo Welch
Yeah, I really didn't until like the second I saw his truck.
Scott Aukerman
And I was like, oh, shit, this is happening.
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So, yeah, it's. It's a cross between you doing standup about the experience as well as doing some of the jokes that you've written in the past about your father. And then a lot of you getting there and revisiting your old haunts.
Mo Welch
Right.
Scott Aukerman
Including the graveyard. And the. There's one very funny part where you go to a certain place and knock on the door and yes, I go to.
Mo Welch
Well, my dad used to live in this trailer in Atlanta, Illinois. And that's confusing, isn't it? It is. It's like, that should be illegal. My sister lives there too.
Scott Aukerman
And so you're like, I don't like it.
Mo Welch
Yeah, because like, they all talk like, they're like, yeah, go to Atlanta, Illinois. And it's like, it's just the Atlanta, Georgia accent is so much better.
Scott Aukerman
It should be like IMDb where? Or SAG where, if you name A town. You can't name any other town. Exactly. You know, because then we would know where the Simpsons live, you know?
Mo Welch
Yes. Yeah. Finally, the mystery is solved.
Scott Aukerman
But. So, Atlanta. So you. Your. Your father used to live in this trailer in Atlanta, Illinois?
Mo Welch
Yeah, he used to live in this trailer. And this was, like, the last time I saw him. And I was. Well, yeah, okay. So then I was 14.
Scott Aukerman
14, yeah.
Mo Welch
So it's 14. And we were at his trailer, and he had this girlfriend named Jeannie. And anyway, so he. I don't know where is that not.
Scott Aukerman
Remains of the story? You kind of like.
Mo Welch
No, I was just, like, laughing because this didn't make the special because it's so fucked up. But one time, Jeannie told my older sister, this is so sorry.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, that's all right. This. I mean, hey, we take the light in the dark here at Comedy.
Mo Welch
She was like, all. I remember two things about her. She made us goulash, and she told my sister that my dad had a big dick.
Scott Aukerman
How did this come up?
Mo Welch
I don't know. That's the two facts. I know. And then she told me, and I was like, I don't need to know this.
Scott Aukerman
So we. So much goulash until you got to start talking.
Mo Welch
And then what else, what else, what else? What else?
Scott Aukerman
So. So what? So. So you. You go back to this trailer in.
Mo Welch
So I go. Yeah, so I go to the trailer and I try to knock on the door because it's the first time I got my period was at this trailer. So then I go try to, like, find the people that live there so I could tell them that I got my period in this trailer. Then you'll have to. You'll have to tune in to see the reaction. Yes.
Scott Aukerman
And so it's a. It's a combination of your standup, you preparing to go to the meeting, and visiting your old haunts. And then finally there is the confrontation, although that makes it sound way more heated.
Mo Welch
The meeting.
Scott Aukerman
The meeting between you and your father.
Mo Welch
The reunion.
Scott Aukerman
Yes. And so it's a combination of all these things, but very funny throughout Your kind of. It's not incredibly serious, although you do. There are some serious parts where you're talking to your mother about how she kept going.
Mo Welch
Right.
Scott Aukerman
Having five kids. But it's. It's very funny all throughout. And how do you like it? Are you proud of it?
Mo Welch
I hate it.
Juvenile Bootery
What?
Mo Welch
It's. You guys shouldn't watch this. No, it's. I was really proud of it because I just, you know, had this idea, and I was Like, I should go see him. Why don't I bring a camera? And then, of course, I regretted that before meeting him. I was like, what did I do? But I was proud of it because I just like put, you know, I just like paid for it myself and was like, let's. And then I, you know, recruited a few friends and we were just like, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Did you pay the friends?
Mo Welch
No, no, I did, yeah. They get paid too.
Scott Aukerman
Well, it's very funny. It's on Hulu currently. People can Access it via hulu.com I would imagine, or some sort of app that they would have on one of their devices. Uh, they would put in to the search bar, probably. I mean, dad jokes would probably make it come up right away, but you could probably put up dad and then.
Mo Welch
You just see, just go down the list of things, surname dad until you get the. But watch all of them.
Scott Aukerman
I bet that it would be no later than fifth.
Mo Welch
Yeah, dad, dad. What else is named dad?
Scott Aukerman
Daddy Dearest. Daddy Daycare would probably be Daddy Daycare. Yeah, you think? Who? Extreme daddy daycare. Daddy. Mr. Deeds. Yeah, that should be the sequel to Mr.
Juvenile Bootery
Deeds.
Scott Aukerman
Daddy. Mr. Deeds. He's a father now. I love this idea. I own the idea, by the way. Since you said it on my podcast, I've already mailed it to myself. Well, it's very funny, it's touching, and it's a good encapsulation of who you are as a performer.
Mo Welch
Thank you.
Scott Aukerman
You're welcome. Okay, all right, now let's get down to business here. It's all over the Internet. You're starring in the Office reboot.
Mo Welch
Wow. Well, starring is a big word.
Scott Aukerman
Well, it's an ensemble. Are you the Jim and or Pam?
Mo Welch
I'm at the bottom.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so you're the who's at the bottom of the office.
Mo Welch
The bottom of the office is the one where I go, stanley. Hey, that one just said something.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Wow, they got their one line in.
Mo Welch
Hey, that girl just said something.
Scott Aukerman
Have you filmed this already?
Mo Welch
Yeah, we filmed the first season.
Scott Aukerman
The whole season?
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So it's actually coming out and I'm.
Mo Welch
A writer on the show, so we wrote. So I was in the writer's room.
Scott Aukerman
You're the PJ Novak of the Office.
Mo Welch
Everyone's saying it.
Scott Aukerman
Everyone's saying it.
Mo Welch
Everyone's saying, I am a stand up note and I'm the next BJ Novak.
Scott Aukerman
So it's. How many episodes is it? When's it come out? Give me all the details.
Mo Welch
I don't know. When it comes out, tell me Everything.
Scott Aukerman
You know, let's make it exclusive here on this show.
Mo Welch
I.
Scott Aukerman
We're breaking off a new Hondo.
Mo Welch
What. What if they cut every line I have.
Juvenile Bootery
What if.
Scott Aukerman
Gosh, you ever think about.
Mo Welch
That'd be funny. I mean. But the thing is, is you get paid when that happens. Like, I know. It's like your. Yeah. Your mom, Brad.
Scott Aukerman
The money, though. Yeah, the money is great.
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
You're rich now, by the way. We haven't talked about that.
Mo Welch
Yeah. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
After one season of television.
Mo Welch
After. After funding my own special. Yeah. I'm pretty rich.
Scott Aukerman
And who else is in the cast? I know. You got Alan Havey, right?
Mo Welch
Yes. And.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, you got Tracy Letts, I really like.
Juvenile Bootery
Who else?
Scott Aukerman
Incredible playwright Tracy Letts.
Juvenile Bootery
Yes.
Mo Welch
Domhnall Gleason, Sabrina.
Scott Aukerman
Is that how you pronounce it, Torch? Or are we all just guessing every time we talk about it?
Mo Welch
It took me a while to learn it as a Midwesterner public school gal.
Scott Aukerman
So you got Tracy Letts, an incredible playwright, Donal Gleason, a British actor.
Mo Welch
Yes.
Scott Aukerman
You have Tim Key.
Mo Welch
Do you know Tim Key?
Scott Aukerman
I don't.
Mo Welch
He's hilarious. He's. He's also a stand up performer.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Mo Welch
Or one man show sort of performer.
Scott Aukerman
So you got some comedians in there?
Mo Welch
Yeah, I've got some comics.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Alan Havey's a comedian also, of note.
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
And is it, is it fun to do this kind of thing where, like, I assume that you're always coached to just look at the camera after every line and go like, well, you are.
Mo Welch
They kind of. I kind of wish that's all I did.
Scott Aukerman
But just always just be like, yeah, anytime anyone else talks, they're like, that.
Mo Welch
Girl looked at the camera.
Scott Aukerman
What if you were just looking at the camera the entire episode? Like one of the cameras?
Mo Welch
That. That would be great. I wish that were just my character and just like I'm just tracking the camera wherever it goes. They're like, that's not how it works. And you're like, everyone has a different relationship with the camera.
Scott Aukerman
That's right. But it must be fun to do that. Classic office style.
Mo Welch
Yeah, it's fun to be on a set like that, for sure. And it was. I mean, it was my entire year last year, so that was interesting because, I mean, I was on tour at the same time, so.
Scott Aukerman
So you were. You were on Zoom acting or that'd be great too.
Mo Welch
Just looking at this camera. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
I mean, they make you self tape these days. Like, why can't I then self do the part?
Mo Welch
It would be Great if everything would.
Scott Aukerman
Be like that 30 Rock Covid episode. Yeah, but it's a fun show. You were saying how many episodes and when's it coming out?
Mo Welch
10 and I don't know when it comes out.
Scott Aukerman
That seems sus.
Mo Welch
Let's call someone.
Scott Aukerman
You would think it would be a post super bowl kind of thing. Or is it for Peacock or is it NBC?
Mo Welch
It's Peacock the Assault. I know. Maybe it's. I have no idea. They don't tell me anything.
Scott Aukerman
They don't tell you anything. You're sitting around in the writer's room. There must be some gossip come out.
Mo Welch
Ear to the door of every executive me trying to figure out information.
Scott Aukerman
Wow. Well, it's a secret, apparently, but it's coming out at some point soon. And it may be on Peacock where the Traders is, as well as Deal or no Deal Island.
Mo Welch
I can't wait to watch that tonight.
Scott Aukerman
Yes. We're taping this on a day where the Deal or no Deal island has an episode. So this is very exciting day for us. We're not only breaking off a new Hondo, but Deal or no Deal island is on tonight and we'll get to see exactly what happens with the suitcases.
Mo Welch
The suitcases are the star of the island.
Scott Aukerman
The island is number two on the call sheet. Suitcases are number one. I think they all share number one. Every suitcase.
Mo Welch
I've never seen that show, but I'm so interested. How did they do that? They just took a reality show and they said, let's put it on an island. Like, wow.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. It would be fun to do like Jeopardy. Island, Wheel of Fortune Island, Jeopardy Island. It really is like Deal or no Deal Is the. The. The a show that has no drama because it's like basically a coin flip island. You know, it's like, is it going to be heads or is it going to be tails?
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
And then you have to guess which one it is.
Mo Welch
Imagine having to get that wheel from Wheel of Fortune to an island, man.
Scott Aukerman
You'd have to break it up into at least eight pieces, I would think.
Mo Welch
Have to put that on a plane.
Scott Aukerman
To fit it in the overhead bin. Well, the office. What's it called? Is it called the office?
Mo Welch
Like it's called the Paper.
Scott Aukerman
The paper.
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Now, the office sold paper. The paper. It sells offices. What does this. Does any of this make sense?
Mo Welch
Exactly. No, that's exactly what it is.
Coach Prime
Okay.
Mo Welch
My character is just like selling different office space. Office space and different.
Scott Aukerman
And then there's the movie Office Space.
Mo Welch
Yes.
Scott Aukerman
Which who knows what they're selling. They never even go into it, do they? This is crazy. I don't know. But the office, the paper edition comes out soon, but most importantly, dad Jokes is out there right now on Hulu. Everyone should check it out. Mo, can you stick around? We have some great guests. Please. We have a. We have a former athlete. Did you ever play any sports?
Mo Welch
I did.
Scott Aukerman
Which ones?
Mo Welch
Basketball.
Scott Aukerman
Basketball.
Mo Welch
You're tall. Mostly basketball, huh? Yeah, Yeah. I was a forward and then a guard.
Scott Aukerman
Forward and then a guard. Okay, well, I'm, I, I don't know that our former athletes knows anything about that particular sport, but we'll find out a little bit later. We also have the owner and proprietor of a children's footwear store. So this is a packed show. We're breaking off a new hundo today. So this is, I mean, you must be very honored right now.
Mo Welch
I'm so honored. I've never. I am so honored. I can't wait to hear about children's shoes.
Scott Aukerman
Sure. Great. All right, well, let's take a break. When we come back, dad Jokes, of course, on Hulu. When we come back, we're going to have more with Moel. More Comedy Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this. This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs. Oh, boy. We're having entrepreneurs back on the show and they're going to use helps entrepreneurs stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or you're managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time. All in one place. All on your terms. You can get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain@squarespace.com Bang Bang. Squarespace payments is the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. With Squarespace, onboarding is fast and simple. Get started in just a few clicks of the dear mouse, my dear boy, and start receiving payments right away. Plus, give your customers more ways to pay with popular payment methods like and here we go with them. They're going to sound made up, but maybe you know what they are. Klarna Ach Direct debit in the US Apple Pay afterpay in the US And Canada and Clear pay in the UK Squarespace. Look, what do I need to say about them? We've been using them now for. It feels like, I know it's over a decade. I think we did all the earwolf websites with Squarespace. They're the best. Check out squarespace.com for a free trial and when you are Ready to launch squarespace.com Bang Bang will save you 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Thanks Squarespace Comedy Bang Bang is sponsored by BetterHelp. What are some of your relationship green flags? We all know about red flags. The red flags we should avoid. But what about the green flags? Green of course, code for go, go, go. Move forward if you're not sure what they look like. Therapy can help you identify green flags. Actively practice them in your relationships and embody the green flag. Energy yourself well. BetterHelp is fully online making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com Bang Bang to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp H E lp.com Bang Bang.
Katie Nolan
I'm Katie Nolan and I have a new podcast called Casuals. It's a podcast for people who like sports a normal amount. Casuals is a twice a week hang with me and my friends from across comedy, sports and entertainment where we talk about all the funny, weird, interesting stuff happening in and around the world of sports. So whether you're a die hard fan or just vaguely sports curious, Casuals is the podcast for you. You can find casuals on the SiriusXM app Pandora or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode. Give it a try. What's the worst that could happen?
Scott Aukerman
Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. We have Mo Welch. Dad Jokes is out on Hulu right now. While you're there, you can check out everything else on Hulu, like those weird movies or those documentaries like.
Mo Welch
Like A Day After Music documentaries too.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, music documentaries. But like a day after anything happens in the news, there's like a Hulu documentary. Like Luigi Mengioni or whatever his name is. Like the mind behind a killer. It's like how did they slap this together so quickly? And you're in that esteemed company right now. Yes, dad Jokes.
Mo Welch
I'm in that too.
Scott Aukerman
Oh really?
Juvenile Bootery
Okay.
Mo Welch
Mind behind the Killer.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, we have to get to our next guest. He's a former athlete, I don't believe of basketball, although I can't recall if he played two sports. Much like who are the two sportos? You got Michael Jordan, who Played baseball and basketball. You have? Who else?
Mo Welch
Is there Another Deion Sanders? Was that Deon?
Scott Aukerman
Well, here he is. Yeah, let's talk to him. This is Coach Prime.
Coach Prime
What's going on, Scott?
Scott Aukerman
How are you, Scott?
Coach Prime
What's going on with you, baby?
Scott Aukerman
Not a lot going on, Scott.
Coach Prime
Boy, you're looking good.
Scott Aukerman
Thank you.
Coach Prime
I tell you, Scott, you're looking good, boy.
Scott Aukerman
Thank you so much. This is Mo.
Coach Prime
Mo, what's going on with you, baby?
Scott Aukerman
Are you.
Coach Prime
You look good, Mo.
Scott Aukerman
Now, Mo was saying that you might have played two sports.
Coach Prime
I did.
Scott Aukerman
Which one?
Coach Prime
I did. Scott. Played football and baseball.
Scott Aukerman
Football and ba.
Juvenile Bootery
So you.
Scott Aukerman
Why does everyone make baseball their second sport? Like, you know, is it easier?
Coach Prime
You got to swing that thing, Scott. You got to swing that thing.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, that makes sense.
Coach Prime
Scott. I know you be swinging that thing, Scott. Don't you act like you don't swing that thing, Scott.
Scott Aukerman
I, I. Look, I played softball once in a charity game.
Coach Prime
Softball.
Scott Aukerman
Do you like the balls to be as hard as possible?
Coach Prime
Hell, yeah. Balls got to be hard.
Scott Aukerman
How hard is a football? Is it like just a stone? Like granite or something?
Coach Prime
Football is about. How would I describe it? Let me think here. A football is about as hard as a church wafer on Sunday.
Scott Aukerman
A church what on Sunday?
Coach Prime
Wafer.
Scott Aukerman
A church wafer.
Coach Prime
A communion wafer.
Scott Aukerman
Communion wafer on Sunday. Yeah.
Coach Prime
Imagine bag of communion wafers getting thrown at you.
Scott Aukerman
Ooh. God, you'd hate that in prison. Someone comes by with a pillowcase full of communion wafers, and they beat.
Coach Prime
And they beat you up with it.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, exactly.
Coach Prime
They let you know. They let you know that you on a turf. You in the D block.
Scott Aukerman
Coach Prime. It's great to have you, Scott.
Coach Prime
It's great to be here.
Scott Aukerman
And you look good. I don't know that I do, but I appreciate that you, of course, have. Coach Prime. Is one of your nicknames. Neon Dion was one.
Coach Prime
Names them all.
Scott Aukerman
Prime Time.
Coach Prime
Give me some more. Come on, give me one more. I know you got one more. I know you got one more in your bill of case.
Scott Aukerman
That's all I have. Did you have another one?
Coach Prime
I don't know. That's up to you to figure out.
Scott Aukerman
But you now, you coach football?
Coach Prime
The Buffaloes, baby. The Buffaloes. Hey, we coming.
Scott Aukerman
Okay?
Coach Prime
And let me tell you something right now, Scott. Cause that's why I'm here. Because my son Shador is leaving. My best player, Travis Hunter is leaving. My other son, Shiloh, is leaving. And Scott, I need dogs, man.
Scott Aukerman
And why are you here, then? Because I don't See any dogs here?
Coach Prime
I see dogs. I need dogs, Scott, if anybody. If I need one thing to make sure that the Colorado Buffaloes are still coming next year and coming hard. Cause these boys coming hard.
Scott Aukerman
How old? I've never been able to figure this out. How old are the people who are playing on your team?
Coach Prime
Between 18 and. And 30, I guess.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, right, so they're adults though.
Coach Prime
Yeah, it's college, guy.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, it's college.
Coach Prime
Didn't you go to college?
Scott Aukerman
I. Very briefly.
Coach Prime
Where you go?
Scott Aukerman
Are people still in College at 30?
Coach Prime
They can't be. You go to college anytime.
Scott Aukerman
Football.
Coach Prime
You can go to college at any time.
Scott Aukerman
I guess so. Why don't you just get a bunch of NFL players?
Coach Prime
Because when you get to NFL school, you lose your eligibility. Once you become a pro, you're no longer an amateur.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so that answered my question.
Mo Welch
I have a few years left.
Coach Prime
You have to use the elevator.
Mo Welch
I got a good arm.
Coach Prime
I need those.
Mo Welch
Okay.
Coach Prime
Are you mo. Are you a dog?
Mo Welch
I'm a dog.
Coach Prime
Okay.
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Coach Prime
When you sign up, you. You sign up. You come on out there.
Scott Aukerman
Is there a sign up sheet? How does one there a sign up sheet?
Coach Prime
I'll be posting a sign up sheet outside your house on the cork board.
Scott Aukerman
All right, well, you might be able to get some really interesting players then. You know, Andrew Lloyd Weber.
Coach Prime
Name them. Name them, Scott.
Scott Aukerman
They're all dogs, first of all.
Coach Prime
Any dogs?
Scott Aukerman
Cactus Tony.
Coach Prime
Oh, that's a dog.
Scott Aukerman
So do people have to study as well, or can they just take.
Coach Prime
Everybody gotta study. I don't play around with them books. You gotta get your books if you're gonna be on my team. I need book smart dogs, okay?
Scott Aukerman
So this is why I don't think I could go back to college and play for that.
Coach Prime
That's the issue with you, Scott. See, you don't like to study. You don't like do your research. You don't even know all my nicknames.
Scott Aukerman
How many units do you have to take?
Coach Prime
18 a quarter.
Scott Aukerman
18. This is more than. More than people normally have to date.
Coach Prime
Full load, Scott. I need a full load.
Scott Aukerman
You need a full load? I need a full load because we.
Coach Prime
I need a full load because we coming.
Scott Aukerman
But I would think that you would want people just to take like, you know, football. How many units is this? 3 or 4.
Coach Prime
What?
Scott Aukerman
How many units is football?
Coach Prime
It's not a class, guy.
Scott Aukerman
It's not really. You don't get any credit.
Coach Prime
It's not a class, it's a kennel. Because I need dogs and I got dogs on My team. All right.
Scott Aukerman
Why are your kids leaving then? Are they turning pro?
Coach Prime
Yeah, they're turning pro, yeah. They turn approaches like old dad.
Scott Aukerman
So who are they going to play for? Do you know yet?
Coach Prime
I don't know. I cussed. I don't normally do that. I'm a man of God.
Scott Aukerman
I mean, we. We have the Super Bowl. Did it. Was it yesterday or is it coming up this weekend? I'm not quite sure. Let me look at the schedule here.
Coach Prime
Yeah, you tell me. All I know is Deal or no Deal island coming on tonight, and I'm excited for that. That's going to be full of dogs.
Scott Aukerman
We had the Grammys last night. No, super bowl is this Sunday.
Coach Prime
Super bowl is this Sunday, yeah. Oh, right. And the Grammys was last night.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, the Grammys, of course.
Coach Prime
Shout out to Shaboozi, man.
Scott Aukerman
Of course. We got to get that out of the way first of all.
Coach Prime
Shout out to Shaboozi. A dog. He a dog on that microphone. Shout out, who else? Who else won last night, man?
Scott Aukerman
I mean, they're probably. Prince was given one of those lifetime, lifetime achievements.
Coach Prime
Shut up, Prince, man. Yeah, A dead dog.
Scott Aukerman
A dead dog. He was a dog, though.
Coach Prime
He was a dog when he was robbed. Now you're dead, though.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. He's riding his bike everywhere.
Coach Prime
Fred's riding his bike.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. He used to ride his bike to go get those prescriptions.
Coach Prime
I didn't know that. I didn't know that.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Well, I mo. Do you want to play?
Mo Welch
I mean, I would love to play. Yeah. I mean, I'm looking to do something new. I'm a mom. I just feel like I need to, like, change things up a bit.
Coach Prime
You a mom?
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Coach Prime
A mom, though.
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Coach Prime
I need. I need a mother dog.
Mo Welch
I'm a mother dog.
Coach Prime
I need a mother dog on the team because you got a lot of young boys on this team that need mother dog dogs. Yeah, a lot of young dogs.
Scott Aukerman
A lot of puppies. Yeah, a lot of. A lot of little pups who need to be disciplined.
Coach Prime
Yeah.
Mo Welch
I'll teach him how to roll around.
Coach Prime
You need to grab them by the nape of the neck.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Are you sort of akin to a papa dog?
Coach Prime
I'm a big dog.
Scott Aukerman
You're a big dog?
Coach Prime
Yeah, I'm a dog man. Scott, you look good.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, thank you. So the. The buffalo is this. Where's the team located?
Coach Prime
Colorado. Golda. Colorado.
Scott Aukerman
This is confusing. Buffalo, Colorado. Where are you?
Coach Prime
Colorado Buffaloes. The buffaloes are animals, guy.
Scott Aukerman
I know.
Coach Prime
It ain't just. It ain't just a Town in.
Scott Aukerman
In.
Coach Prime
In upstate New York.
Scott Aukerman
It's where my friend O.J. used to play, though. Buffalo.
Coach Prime
Oh, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
O.J.
Coach Prime
Was a dog, man. O.J. was a Dog.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Coach Prime
I tell you, he's run. Running through the airport.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. With that suitcase.
Coach Prime
Shout out, Shaboozi, man.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Coach Prime
He won a Grammy last night. Yeah. He was running through with the suitcase with the isotonic gloves.
Scott Aukerman
He tried to combine all of his product placement into one commercial.
Coach Prime
Yep. Carrying.
Scott Aukerman
We're in the Bruno Molly wearing a.
Coach Prime
Bruno Molly's carrying a cutcoat, knife.
Scott Aukerman
Past a naked gun. 33 and a third poster. Just get them all in there. So how. How. I mean, obviously, football season is just included, huh? Rest in peace. To football season as well. It just concluded, and it's concluding next.
Coach Prime
Week when the super bowl happens.
Scott Aukerman
Sure. But, I mean, your season's over, right?
Coach Prime
My season's over. Yeah. College football season is over.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Coach Prime
College football is in the fall.
Scott Aukerman
So you're. You're gearing up.
Coach Prime
Gearing up for the next season, baby. And I need those. I'm recruiting.
Scott Aukerman
What was your record this year?
Coach Prime
Nine and four.
Scott Aukerman
Nine and four. So you only play 13 games?
Coach Prime
That's it? That's all you need? Lucky number 13.
Scott Aukerman
I mean, anyone can do 13 of anything.
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Coach Prime
And speaking of 13, shout out Shaboozy for winning 13 Grammys last night.
Scott Aukerman
Shout out to him. But you know what I mean, like, it sounds hard playing football. Like, oh, my God, we can do that. But it's only 13 games.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
It's not like baseball where they Play.
Mo Welch
We've done 13 shows in a week.
Scott Aukerman
We're breaking off a new hundo here. I could, you know, I mean, it's not like playing basketball. 82 games. Ugh, God.
Coach Prime
So you know that, but you didn't know that. You think it's confusing. You know that basketball has 82 games a season, but you think it's confusing that our mascot is above us?
Scott Aukerman
Look, who knows why? I know what I know. I do remember Michael Jordan wearing a 72 and 10 hat.
Coach Prime
Yes.
Scott Aukerman
So that's why I know it's 82 games. Because you add 10 to 72 and.
Coach Prime
That'S what you got.
Scott Aukerman
That's what you got. Yeah. And that's the best record ever. Is that still the case?
Coach Prime
That is. No, that is not the case no more.
Scott Aukerman
Someone beat that record.
Coach Prime
Golden State warriors got Steph Curry and them boys, and then boys is dogs.
Scott Aukerman
How many did they lose?
Coach Prime
A nine.
Scott Aukerman
They lost nine.
Coach Prime
73 and nine.
Juvenile Bootery
Wow.
Scott Aukerman
Incredible. You think anyone will ever go 74 and eight.
Coach Prime
I'm sure they will, but right now. And that team didn't win the championship, you see?
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Coach Prime
They got taken down by LeBron James. A dog.
Scott Aukerman
A total dog. And that's what. Who won those 16 games and then they lost the Super Bowl.
Coach Prime
That was the New England Patriots. Tom Brady.
Scott Aukerman
That's right. Yeah. A total dog, right?
Coach Prime
Yep. Yeah, a total dog.
Scott Aukerman
Why didn't you. Did you ever go into broadcasting?
Coach Prime
I did.
Scott Aukerman
How'd you do?
Coach Prime
Great.
Scott Aukerman
Weren't you still doing it?
Coach Prime
Because I coach football now, Scott. I need dogs. It wasn't enough dogs in the broadcast booth?
Scott Aukerman
Well, it seems to me like you got Chris Collinsworth.
Coach Prime
Not a dog.
Scott Aukerman
Really?
Coach Prime
Not a dog. Not a dog. Al Michaels? Not a dog.
Scott Aukerman
What about Aikman?
Coach Prime
Troy Aikman? Definitely not a dog. And that's my man. We won Super Bowls together.
Scott Aukerman
You did. You were on a team together?
Coach Prime
We were.
Scott Aukerman
Which one?
Coach Prime
So you know that basketball has 82 games, but you don't know that. I was on the Cowboys.
Scott Aukerman
You were on the Cowboys?
Coach Prime
I was.
Scott Aukerman
Wow.
Coach Prime
Won two Super Bowls with the Cowboys. You won't.
Juvenile Bootery
Wow.
Scott Aukerman
Incredible. Was Emmett Smith on that team?
Coach Prime
He was.
Scott Aukerman
See, I know that.
Coach Prime
So you know that, but you don't know that I was on that team.
Scott Aukerman
Sorry.
Coach Prime
Scott, when I was walking in here, you know what started barking at me?
Scott Aukerman
Dogs.
Coach Prime
Dogs, yeah. What kind of dogs you got up.
Scott Aukerman
There, Scott, I think if the question is, do you know what started barking at me? The answer is always gonna be dogs, Scott.
Coach Prime
I started walking. I was walking down the stairs. You know what started barking at me? A random woman.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, okay.
Coach Prime
She said, get out this yard.
Scott Aukerman
What were you doing in her yard?
Coach Prime
I'm looking for dogs.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, okay. That makes sense.
Coach Prime
They call me the dog get you.
Scott Aukerman
Do they really?
Coach Prime
Yeah, now they do. Add it to the list.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. We're going to add it to a Neon Dion prime time. Coach Prime. And now the dog catcher.
Coach Prime
Yeah, the dog. Catch it.
Scott Aukerman
That's right. So how do you think you're going to do this year?
Coach Prime
I think we're going to do great, Scott, because we got Mo coming in. Mo's going to be our starting quarterback.
Scott Aukerman
Yep, Starting.
Coach Prime
She's taking over Shador.
Scott Aukerman
So who do you hope Shador plays for? When do we have the draft coming?
Coach Prime
The draft is coming. Okay, so the Grammys was last night.
Scott Aukerman
And the Super Bowl's this Sunday.
Coach Prime
Super bowl is this Sunday. The draft will be in April.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so that puts it into perspective.
Coach Prime
The draft will be in late April.
Scott Aukerman
The draft is always approximately two Months after the Grammys.
Coach Prime
Two months after the Grammys.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Okay, so that's how we can always calculate it.
Coach Prime
Night for the dogs. Speaking of the Grammys. Shout out to Boosie.
Scott Aukerman
No. Yes, of course. We got to make Surezi.
Coach Prime
I was jamming Shabozi for two months straight.
Scott Aukerman
Really?
Coach Prime
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
I don't even know what Shaboozi is. That's. That's another what Shabzi is.
Coach Prime
First of all, Shabzi is a man. Second of all, Shabzi is a dog. He swept the Grammys last night.
Scott Aukerman
He swept him. Every single one.
Coach Prime
Every single Grammy.
Scott Aukerman
Wow.
Coach Prime
Best New Artist, Best New Artist, Best Country, Best Old Artist. Best Country Artists. Best Pop Artists.
Scott Aukerman
Wow.
Coach Prime
Best Rap Artists.
Scott Aukerman
Incredible. Shabuzzi. Best High School Artist to a person that I'm finding out is a man and a dog.
Coach Prime
Beethoven. Lifetime Achievement award goes to Shibuzzi.
Scott Aukerman
Beethoven finally got something named after him.
Coach Prime
Well, one of them Grammys. Good. Last night.
Scott Aukerman
They were amazing. The performance. What was your favorite performance?
Coach Prime
Shaboozi.
Scott Aukerman
He swept not only the awards, but the performances.
Coach Prime
He did all the performances?
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Coach Prime
He's a dog.
Scott Aukerman
He is a true dog. Well, I have no aptitude for sports in general.
Coach Prime
Well, what you want to know, Scott? You got an aptitude test to take?
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, do I. Is there some sort of barrier for entry? Do I need to take a test?
Coach Prime
You got to take a test.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. What's. Can you test me right now?
Coach Prime
The dog test.
Scott Aukerman
The dog test.
Coach Prime
All right. How many games did Michael Jordan and Chicago Bulls win? 1996? 97?
Scott Aukerman
72. Wow.
Coach Prime
Who did I play for in the NFL?
Scott Aukerman
Well, I know you played for the Cowboys.
Coach Prime
And who else?
Scott Aukerman
Buffalo.
Coach Prime
No.
Scott Aukerman
All right, I failed. I failed the test.
Coach Prime
Scott, what baseball team did you grow up rooting for?
Scott Aukerman
The LA Dodgers. The LA Dodgers was my home team. Yeah.
Coach Prime
And who was the pitcher the year you graduated high school?
Scott Aukerman
The year I graduated high school.
Coach Prime
And how far did they go the year you graduated high school?
Scott Aukerman
They won the World Series the year after. So I would imagine they didn't do very well the year before. Is that how it works?
Coach Prime
Actually, I was thinking of the year after that. I was aging you down. Turns out you were older. You look good, though.
Scott Aukerman
Thank you so much. Yes, I do remember being in a production of the musical Evita. And the entire crew was listening to Game 7, was it of the World Series, Backstage. And then the show, Evita was interrupted by a roar of crew members clapping and cheering.
Coach Prime
And who was the closer on that team?
Scott Aukerman
That guy who. You know, the crack of the bat.
Coach Prime
Well, you think of Kirk Gibson.
Scott Aukerman
Is that the guy who did the.
Coach Prime
Who was the close. The closing pitch on that team? His name rhymes with his sexual act.
Scott Aukerman
Oral. Oral. Hershey.
Coach Prime
Yeah, there you go. You got his guy as a dog.
Scott Aukerman
Am I doing well on the test?
Coach Prime
That's question one.
Scott Aukerman
All of that was question one. So I don't.
Coach Prime
That's question one.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, give me.
Coach Prime
Give me question number two. How many games in a. In a baseball season?
Scott Aukerman
See, now I feel like it's the most out of any sport. Right. So it's like. It's like 165. I'm going to guess close. Really?
Coach Prime
Was it demerit 162?
Scott Aukerman
Oh, really? Okay, so I was really close.
Coach Prime
One for two.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. But it's still. I get no points for being close. And by the way, how did I get a complete point on that first question when I got so many of them wrong?
Coach Prime
I don't make the rules, Scott.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Coach Prime
All right, Scott, who is the Cincinnati baseball team?
Scott Aukerman
Baseball team. I know it's a color. I don't want to say it.
Coach Prime
It's a color.
Scott Aukerman
I don't. I don't. I mean, is it. Is it based. Is it like the former Washington team where it's based on a supposed.
Coach Prime
I shan't say you chance.
Scott Aukerman
It's the. It's the Reds, but. All right, but is it just like the color Reds? Yep. Okay.
Coach Prime
They were initially known as the Cincinnati Red Stockings.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, okay, so like the Red Sox, but stockings.
Coach Prime
Yes.
Scott Aukerman
Like those things that Santa puts coal into.
Coach Prime
Absolutely. Scott, what you will be getting a lot of is either Grammys was last night. So in about nine months, you'll be getting a lot of coal, and you're stuck on Thanksgiving. Yes. You get it early, Scott.
Scott Aukerman
Give me question three.
Coach Prime
You're getting a red sock full of tryptophan and just tryptophan. The actual.
Scott Aukerman
Give me question three.
Coach Prime
All right, you ready for it?
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Here we go.
Coach Prime
What is a baseball made of?
Scott Aukerman
Okay, this is question four, by the way. I know it's.
Coach Prime
You want for three right now.
Scott Aukerman
It's supposedly got. No, I got.
Coach Prime
I got.
Scott Aukerman
I got number three, right?
Coach Prime
Not in my book.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. It's got cork in the middle, right. And then.
Coach Prime
Right.
Scott Aukerman
Then a bunch of string wrapped around it.
Coach Prime
You got it. You got it, Scotty.
Scott Aukerman
And then leather all over that.
Coach Prime
You got it.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Coach Prime
How much. What does a football feel like when.
Scott Aukerman
It'S thrown to you like a. A sack full of communion wafers?
Coach Prime
You got his guy.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. Am I in you?
Coach Prime
A damn dog Scott, am I on the team?
Scott Aukerman
Did I make the team?
Coach Prime
You're on the team.
Scott Aukerman
What position do I get to play?
Coach Prime
Well, Mo's a quarterback. Okay, so you. I put you at long snapper.
Scott Aukerman
Long snap. There's a difference between short snappers and long snappers.
Coach Prime
Yes, Scott. See? All right, that was question number six, and you got it wrong.
Scott Aukerman
Okay?
Coach Prime
And that was what you needed to get.
Scott Aukerman
So I'm off the team now.
Coach Prime
Off the team. Got you good.
Scott Aukerman
Damn it.
Coach Prime
I need dogs.
Scott Aukerman
I guess I didn't want to be long snapper anyway. I feel like the blood must rush to those guys heads, you know, they're like sitting there with their. Their head between their knees and then just waiting for a guy to go. Like, do the right. Emphasis on hut.
Coach Prime
What?
Mo Welch
Scott, they're dizzy.
Scott Aukerman
Like, could. Here's a better way of doing it. Let the person turn around and just toss it to the guy. Why does it have to go through the legs? This is the weirdest part of football.
Mo Welch
I actually so agree with that. Why do they have to do it that way?
Coach Prime
Because that's cool.
Scott Aukerman
It's cool.
Coach Prime
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
I didn't realize that. Did Shaboozi do stuff like that?
Coach Prime
Oh, Shaboozi was a great football player. Shout out. Shaboozy. Man won 27 Grammys last night. Scott.
Scott Aukerman
Yes.
Coach Prime
Who is a mailman's worst enemy?
Scott Aukerman
Dogs.
Coach Prime
Dogs.
Scott Aukerman
Is that question seven?
Juvenile Bootery
Yes.
Coach Prime
You're back on the deep.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, I don't know that I want to play. If you'll allow me just to turn around instead of putting my head between my legs.
Coach Prime
Nope. You got to look at your.
Scott Aukerman
Just gently toss, quarterback.
Coach Prime
Name five breeds of dogs.
Scott Aukerman
Pitbull.
Coach Prime
Wrong.
Scott Aukerman
What?
Coach Prime
That wasn't one of them.
Scott Aukerman
That wasn't one of the ones.
Coach Prime
You're thinking of one of the five.
Scott Aukerman
Snickerdoodle.
Coach Prime
That's a cookie, Scout.
Scott Aukerman
All right, look, I'm sorry I can't be on the team, Mo. I apologize. I'm not going to be able to snap it to you.
Mo Welch
Who's going to long snap it to me?
Coach Prime
Well, Mo, you won't be catching a long snap. That's for the punter.
Mo Welch
Yeah, well, I. I'll throw to whoever I want. If it's a long snapper out there, I'm gonna throw to him.
Coach Prime
Well, those is against the rules.
Mo Welch
He has to catch it like he's down there too. That's how he has to catch it.
Scott Aukerman
Why does the punter ever catch the ball and instead of kicking it, throw a touchdown pass? He does.
Coach Prime
That happens all the time. That's called a fake punch. That happens all the time.
Scott Aukerman
I would do that every time.
Coach Prime
You know what, Scott? If it was still football season, I would come over to this house and watch football, which. And explain the whole thing to me.
Scott Aukerman
I would love that, actually.
Coach Prime
You know, we should get together for the Super Bowl, Scott.
Scott Aukerman
We should. We should. I should have a party.
Coach Prime
I will be in town and you should have a party.
Scott Aukerman
I don't know why the quarterback doesn't do that too. Just instead of like, you know, oh, they're handing it off to a runner or just throw into the end zone for a touchdown. Every single time.
Coach Prime
It's not that easy. He's trying to do that every time.
Scott Aukerman
He's throwing these short passes and stuff. Just throw into the end zone.
Coach Prime
You got to march down the field.
Scott Aukerman
Like if they're. We was a quarterback who did that every time.
Mo Welch
That's gonna be me.
Coach Prime
That's gonna be Mo.
Mo Welch
That's gonna be.
Coach Prime
That's gonna be Mo on the Buffalo. Buffalo.
Mo Welch
Yeah. We got. We gotta draw out some plays. I'm into that.
Scott Aukerman
All right, Coach Prime, Neon Dion, dog catcher. Can you stick around?
Coach Prime
I got the ghost guy. I gotta get them out of here.
Scott Aukerman
No, I want you to stay because.
Coach Prime
Scott, I'm looking for dogs.
Scott Aukerman
I know you're looking for dogs, but our next guest might be a dog.
Coach Prime
Really?
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. So we got. We're gonna take a break, but when we come back, we have the owner and proprietor of a children's footwear store. This sounds like a dog to me. So you're going to want to stick around, Mo. You're going to want to stick around. I know.
Mo Welch
Oh, I'm in.
Scott Aukerman
And listeners, you're going to want to stick around. We'll be right back with more comedy Bang bang after this.
Katie Nolan
I'm Katie Nolan and I have a new podcast called Casuals. It's a podcast for people who like sports a normal amount. Casuals is a twice a week hang with me and my friends from across comedy, sports and entertainment where. Where we talk about all the funny, weird, interesting stuff happening in and around the world of sports. So whether you're a die hard fan or just vaguely sports curious, Casuals is the podcast for you. You can find casuals on the SiriusXM app, Pandora or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode. Give it a try. What's the worst that could happen?
Scott Aukerman
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Mo Welch
Yes.
Scott Aukerman
Do you think it's fall or do you think it's spring?
Mo Welch
I think it's 2025. That's all I know.
Scott Aukerman
It's in 2025.
Mo Welch
Yes.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so it could be New Year's Eve.
Mo Welch
Maybe between the Grammys and the suit in Thanksgiving.
Scott Aukerman
Perhaps the Super Bowl. And Thanksgiving.
Mo Welch
Super Bowl.
Scott Aukerman
I would put it after the super bowl if I were.
Mo Welch
Yeah. Okay. Super. Yeah, super bowl and Thanksgiving.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, right after. And then also we have a neon Dion. Of course. Coach Prime.
Coach Prime
I'm looking for dogs, guys.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Did you find any during the commercial break?
Coach Prime
Well, we got Mo. We got Colorado. Mo Buffalos. That's the name of the team next year.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. So are. Are you allowed to change the name of the team?
Coach Prime
I'm allowed to do what I want, Scott. I'm a dog.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so non dogs are not allowed to do this.
Coach Prime
Non dogs can't change no names.
Scott Aukerman
So what about cats?
Coach Prime
Hell no.
Scott Aukerman
What if a cat wanted to join your team?
Coach Prime
Can't do it. I need dogs.
Scott Aukerman
I know you need dogs, but would you take it?
Coach Prime
Here's the truth about cats and dogs, okay. As a movie.
Scott Aukerman
Janine Gravelo. Of course.
Coach Prime
Janine Gravelo. Janine Gravel. Mo. Colorado Buffalo.
Scott Aukerman
Would you consider Mo changing your name to Janine Garaffimo?
Mo Welch
I love it. I think it's going to help my career.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Mo Welch
Maybe I won't have to pay for My next docu Eshal.
Scott Aukerman
Well, we have to get to our next guest. We. This is interesting. He's also joining the exclusive One Timers club. He is the owner. As far as I know, he's the owner and proprietor of a children's footwear store. Please welcome to the show Juvenile Bootery.
Juvenile Bootery
Hey, how you doing?
Scott Aukerman
Hi.
Juvenile Bootery
Hey, what's up, pal?
Scott Aukerman
Good. This is Mo.
Juvenile Bootery
Hey, how ya.
Scott Aukerman
Hey. Hi, how you doing? And of course, Neon Dion over here.
Coach Prime
All right, now. You look good.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, this, the store's not mine, actually. It's my mom's store.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, okay. So you don't own the store. You're. But you are the proprietor?
Juvenile Bootery
I, I, I'm currently managing. Yeah, I'm currently, currently managing the store.
Scott Aukerman
How many hours a week?
Juvenile Bootery
Man? It's about, we open at 10, we close at 4.
Scott Aukerman
And those are short hours.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, well, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
I mean, kids get up at like, mo. You have a kid? When does your kid.
Mo Welch
Yeah, it's a 6:30am why don't you open at 6:30?
Juvenile Bootery
You know, honestly, it's my mom's thing. It's my mom's thing.
Scott Aukerman
I can see a kid, like, waking up going like, ah, I don't have any shoes. Need to be there by seven. Open by seven.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's kind of my mom's. It's kind of my mom's thing. Like, my mom started it, but it's like I've got other stuff going on that she doesn't kind of get or know about. And so I'm doing that stuff. I do the store when I can.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, well, you're here to talk about the store or are you here to talk about the other stuff?
Juvenile Bootery
I mean, I'll always talk about the other stuff because I'm. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
First of all, let's get the store out of the way. What is the store called?
Juvenile Bootery
The store is called Juvenile Bootery.
Scott Aukerman
Wait, but your name is Juvenile Bootery?
Juvenile Bootery
My professional name is also Juvenile Bootery.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. But this is not your real name.
Juvenile Bootery
My real name is James Armentrout.
Scott Aukerman
Armentrout?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Sort of like Ermintrout, the character on Better Call Saul.
Juvenile Bootery
Sure. Yeah. I don't have, I don't really do TV stuff.
Scott Aukerman
And also, like this town, Armin. What was he?
Mo Welch
Armington.
Scott Aukerman
Armington, yeah. Kind of a portmanteau of Armington and Ermentrout.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, yeah. Similar to that.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. So your name is. What was it again?
Juvenile Bootery
My name is James.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so now my, my Mom's store.
Juvenile Bootery
Is Juvenile Bootery, but also my professional name is Juvenile Bootery because your professional.
Scott Aukerman
Name in running the store. Juvenile Bootery.
Juvenile Bootery
I also do music. I also do rap. Oh, hip hop and rap.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, hip hop and rap.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah. But she had the name. She had the. Instagram already had a lot of followers, so I'm also taking that kind of over because it was just like an. It was a business decision, honestly.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, okay. Wow.
Juvenile Bootery
So I'm also doing rap, but, like, my focus is rap music and. And that stuff. Her focus is the store, but right now I'm just kind of like, running the store for her.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. And running the Instagram account.
Juvenile Bootery
Running the Instagram account? Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
How many followers does the account have?
Juvenile Bootery
35.97.
Scott Aukerman
That's not a ton, but.
Juvenile Bootery
Well, for. Yeah, it's pretty good for.
Scott Aukerman
I mean, for a shoe store.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
I don't know that I would follow a shoe store. Would you follow mo. A shoe store on Instagram?
Mo Welch
It depends on what they're giving me.
Scott Aukerman
Like, what kind of stuff are you posting?
Juvenile Bootery
We got tall shoes for kids, we got short shoes for kids, flat shoes for kids. It's like. It's just not my focus, you know, I'm like, whatever. Just like, get your kids some shoes. But, like, my focus is gonna be on, like, on the music.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so are you here to talk about the store? Juvenile Bootery?
Juvenile Bootery
I'm here.
Scott Aukerman
Or your rap career known as Juvenile Bootery?
Juvenile Bootery
I'm here to talk about. Well, my mom said I have to just at least plug the store because we're having a sale. We're having spring sale. It's coming up.
Mo Welch
How much are tall shoes for children? Just. I'm in the market.
Juvenile Bootery
Which kind of leather ones? Yeah, they're like $48.
Mo Welch
Okay.
Coach Prime
Do you have kids boxing boots?
Juvenile Bootery
That's basically what they look like. They're like kids. That's what's in right now for kids.
Scott Aukerman
Kids boxing boots.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, they're. They're like kids right now wearing boots that look like boxing.
Scott Aukerman
Boxing. The kind that you lace up the.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, they lace up tall. They shuffle around.
Coach Prime
That's what I pitch when I hear tall shit.
Scott Aukerman
I think, like, you know, kind of up to the knee.
Juvenile Bootery
Like, you know, up to the knee, up to mid. Mid calf.
Coach Prime
Like Whitney Houston in the Queen of the Night video.
Scott Aukerman
Yes. Thank you.
Mo Welch
Yeah, I was thinking more like healed. Ah, yeah.
Coach Prime
Oh, the shoes that make you taller.
Scott Aukerman
They make you taller? Yeah, yeah. That's not specific. What are they shoes that make you taller or they're the sho themselves are very tall. We.
Juvenile Bootery
We have shoes that make kids taller because a lot of kids want to be taller now. So we have shoes with lifts in them. I. I don't.
Scott Aukerman
So they're like high heeled shoes for kids now.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, kids wear high heels now.
Mo Welch
Yeah. My daughter mentioned wanting to be a little taller, so I might stop by, but I'm here.
Juvenile Bootery
But I'm more. I'm more into like the music thing, just because that's speaking.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. So. So let's. Should we talk about your hip hop career?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm open book.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. So, Dion, you're into the music style known as hip hop and rap?
Coach Prime
Absolutely, man.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Coach Prime
You know the Grammys was last night.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Coach Prime
Shout out Shaboozi, man.
Scott Aukerman
Are you a fan of Shibuzi?
Juvenile Bootery
No, I just. I mean, I'm just like into like the real rhymes and stuff. Like the really, like.
Scott Aukerman
You're into the rhyming aspect of raps?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, I'm into rhymes. I'm into. Really, like.
Scott Aukerman
Let me give you a word. Let me give you a word.
Juvenile Bootery
To rap about?
Scott Aukerman
No, to rhyme with boat.
Mo Welch
Right.
Coach Prime
You're sitting right next to. What, man?
Juvenile Bootery
Want this cup?
Coach Prime
No, not the cup. Me. A goat.
Juvenile Bootery
A guy. Oh, yeah, Goat. Yeah, goat. I'll say goat.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, good. I mean, good, good. Yeah.
Juvenile Bootery
I mean, but I do more like, written stuff. I'm like, not a freestyler. I do like, more written, like, Kendrick stuff.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so do you. Are you on here because you want to perform?
Juvenile Bootery
Some of this is that I'm definitely down. I'll perform anytime, anywhere. If anybody asked me to perform, I'm definitely down.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, well, I. I might do that. Then I might ask you to perform if that's something you're interested in doing.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, I would love that. I would love that. Because nobody's asking right now, but I'm like, always asked. I'm always down.
Scott Aukerman
Seems like you came here wanting to talk about this. Wanting to talk about you wouldn't get.
Juvenile Bootery
Back to me, but you wouldn't get back to me when I said the rap stuff. And then I. I sent the. The shoe stuff. And because you got a kid, I guess you had me on.
Scott Aukerman
Well, I was kind of. To be honest, I was kind of interested in what style, you know, junior styles were coming up in the spring sale.
Juvenile Bootery
And we got little ones. We got. They're all pretty little.
Coach Prime
Do you have kids? Chugga boots?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, we got those. We got kid Uggs. We got kid penny loafers. We got kid tap shooters.
Coach Prime
Like young Michael Jackson.
Scott Aukerman
Kid tap shoes, too.
Juvenile Bootery
Mkid. Wingtips.
Scott Aukerman
Wing tips.
Coach Prime
Kid wing tips. Like young Cab Calloway.
Juvenile Bootery
We got kid spats for the wing tip.
Scott Aukerman
Callaway wearing wingtips even when he was a young kid.
Coach Prime
Absolutely.
Mo Welch
Do you guys have baby cleats?
Coach Prime
Baby.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, we got all sports shoes for kids.
Coach Prime
I just said that is.
Juvenile Bootery
Shooting is not. That's not my thing.
Scott Aukerman
You sell shoelaces?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, we'd sell shoelaces.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so these shorts come with short shoelaces?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, we have shorts. We have medium shorts, and we have long shorts.
Scott Aukerman
So you're only up to the waist.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Socks.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, we got to sell some shot. We sell fitting socks, and we sell some socks with the shoes, especially the tall boots, the boxing boots.
Scott Aukerman
Pants.
Juvenile Bootery
No, we don't sell pants.
Scott Aukerman
It's just shorts are allowed.
Juvenile Bootery
Oh, I thought you meant short socks.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, so. So only up to the knee then, Right? Okay, so no shorts, no shorts?
Juvenile Bootery
No.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. But if, say I wanted to come in, I was like, I'm looking for some shoes and some socks, but also I need some shorts as well for my kid.
Juvenile Bootery
I don't know, man.
Scott Aukerman
I'm just like, what would you do? Like, in that kind of.
Juvenile Bootery
If you want. What, short socks for your kid? For his.
Scott Aukerman
No, I want. I want socks. I want shorts, and I want shoes altogether. But you don't sell shorts. What do you do?
Juvenile Bootery
I was. I'd be like, go next door, man.
Scott Aukerman
What's next door?
Juvenile Bootery
7:11.
Scott Aukerman
7:11.
Coach Prime
7:11 don't got pants. Believe me, I tried.
Scott Aukerman
7:11 should start selling pants.
Coach Prime
Absolutely. They got nice hats in there.
Scott Aukerman
They sell hats and T shirts. What are they? Stop at the waist as well.
Mo Welch
CVS has underwear. I know.
Coach Prime
Not wrong sizes, though.
Scott Aukerman
So you always have to size up or size down.
Coach Prime
You got size up.
Scott Aukerman
So, okay, so I wanted to know about the shoes. You've satisfied my curiosity. Let's go ahead and move on to the rap career.
Juvenile Bootery
Oh, great. Okay. Yeah, that's kind of my thing.
Scott Aukerman
Have you recorded any songs?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, I've recorded over 600 songs.
Coach Prime
Damn.
Juvenile Bootery
601, 600, 600. And, like, somewhere between 600 and 605 songs. Some are demos, so I don't fully consider those, like, releases yet.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so.
Juvenile Bootery
But you can find me on Spotify. They're all on Spotify.
Scott Aukerman
They're all on Spotify. All 600. 1, 2, 3 or 4 or 5.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. So do you want to perform one of your songs?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, definitely. What? What one do you want to hear?
Scott Aukerman
I don't know. The Titles to any of your songs.
Juvenile Bootery
You can look on Spotify.
Scott Aukerman
I don't want to look on Spotify. I want you to perform a song that you choose.
Juvenile Bootery
Okay? All right. This one's. This one's. This is, like, probably my best track.
Scott Aukerman
Well, yeah, play that one.
Juvenile Bootery
This one's called Don't Come Around Here. Well, everybody's coming in here to tell me what is up. And I'm like, get the heck out. Because you don't even have these kind of shoes that you want for your kid. This one's small. This one's short. This one's not even the kind you want. This is gonna. This is not the type of place that you want to come in and get out my face.
Scott Aukerman
Okay?
Coach Prime
There's no shibuzi, I tell you that.
Scott Aukerman
Well, look, if we're comparing anything to jabuzi, it's going to pale in that comparison. So we. That can't be a knock on this. That it's not Jabuzi. But. But let's. Let's go into detail. Mo, are you a music fan?
Mo Welch
I think we found our Long Snapper. That's all I'll say.
Scott Aukerman
Long Snapper is not a bad rap name.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah. I mean, I need a new name, but like, that. All right, that one was, like, kind of.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, let's talk about it. I mean, first of all, it seemed to be about the shoe store.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Do you think that has a lot of crossover appeal?
Juvenile Bootery
A lot of people come in here, they don't know.
Scott Aukerman
They don't even say, come in here. What do you mean?
Juvenile Bootery
Like, into the shoe store? They know. I'm like. I'm like, hey, man, get out. I'm about to break a wrap off. I'm about to get a. To a sign off. I'm about to get a rhyme in here. I'm about to get a time in here. Look left, right. Oh, Mom's spaghetti. It is coming up already.
Coach Prime
I got a rap name for you.
Scott Aukerman
What's that? Shishuzi Sho. Not bad. You can sort of piggyback off of Shaboozi's popularity.
Juvenile Bootery
I don't get it.
Scott Aukerman
Well, you sell shoes.
Juvenile Bootery
Oh, yeah. I mean, it's just a. You know, you would probably have to.
Scott Aukerman
Continue working at the store were you to take.
Juvenile Bootery
I gotta work at the store because my mom says I have worked at the store. But how old are you? Me?
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Juvenile Bootery
19. Who do you think I'm talking.
Scott Aukerman
To when I say how old you are?
Juvenile Bootery
I thought you were talking to him.
Coach Prime
I'm 56.
Scott Aukerman
You're 19.
Juvenile Bootery
I'm 19.
Scott Aukerman
And you're still letting your mom tell you what to do?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, I live. I live there.
Coach Prime
You got to respect your mama's guy.
Scott Aukerman
Sure, but are you paying rent at the store?
Juvenile Bootery
I live at the store.
Scott Aukerman
You live at the store?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, I live in the back of the store, so.
Scott Aukerman
Why. Okay, for free?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, because I'm. Yeah, because. Well, there's. Yeah, I live at the store for free because my mom says I can't live at home anymore. But then sometimes I'm like, hey, what the heck? There's guys breaking in. I gotta bang, bang, bang. Mow you down, Mow you down don't come around here. I'm a clown.
Scott Aukerman
Mo, are you down?
Mo Welch
I'm excited to go shop at the shoe store for shoes.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Mo Welch
When do you not work?
Juvenile Bootery
When do I not work?
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Dude, what are the hours of. Because it's 10 to 4.
Juvenile Bootery
10 to 4. But then I'm there all the time because my studio's in the back. Right.
Mo Welch
Okay. Are there any other employees here?
Juvenile Bootery
It's just me and my mom. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So could we come maybe when your mom is there running the place?
Juvenile Bootery
Don't talk. Don't talk to my mom. She's not the kind that wants to talk. She is the kind that wants to yell. Yell, yell. What the hell?
Coach Prime
I like that one.
Scott Aukerman
I mean, I have the most rhymes out of anything you've done so far, but I will say that one of your signature moves seems to be a heavy sigh at the end of all of your songs.
Coach Prime
You got to have confidence.
Juvenile Bootery
I did. I did. I. I have more. It's just that you guys haven't provided any beats, so I don't really.
Scott Aukerman
We're not supposed to provide beats for our guests.
Juvenile Bootery
I just. My flow is based on beats. And if you guys don't even provide beats, I'm just.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. Do you want us to try to. Try to do some sort of beat? Yeah, okay.
Juvenile Bootery
Any beat I can wrap up here?
Coach Prime
Yeah, absolutely.
Juvenile Bootery
Any beat I can wrap up.
Scott Aukerman
Any beat. All right.
Juvenile Bootery
Oh, look out. Here it comes. Up and down. Here it comes. Sock. All these socks are pretty tall. All these boots are very small. Child's boots, child socks. Everything is on sale. Look, there's a guy with a mask. He's trying to get in back. I pulled out a gun, mowed him down. And that was fun, Mom.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, let me stop you for a second.
Coach Prime
You kill somebody, though.
Scott Aukerman
And it was fun?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, I killed somebody that tried to break in the shoe store.
Scott Aukerman
Why are so many people trying to Break into the store.
Juvenile Bootery
That's the thing, man.
Scott Aukerman
They only. You only sell kids shoes.
Juvenile Bootery
Everybody tries to break in. It's in West Covina.
Mo Welch
You got to do no cash.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Although that's, you know, not good for the people in society who, you know.
Mo Welch
That's what I don't have to say right after.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, but still, it's an option for you. And why are they always trying to break through the back, too?
Coach Prime
In the mall, that means they had to go through the service hallway. Are you at the east. Like, Eastland Mall in West Covina?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, back of the store. My room is in the back of the store. So that's where they always try to come in through the service hallway because they.
Scott Aukerman
Why? That still doesn't make sense. They want to go through your room.
Juvenile Bootery
Well, they want to go because. Well, I keep my door open to the hallway just so I can have some, you know, place to breathe in and.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so your door is open. That's why they're breaking.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, but they. People try to come through the back, and I don't like it.
Scott Aukerman
And so you've killed someone.
Juvenile Bootery
I've definitely killed someone who's tried to come into the back of the shore. You can't just break into. But your door is open and, too. You can't. But you just can't come in.
Scott Aukerman
But an open door implies that anyone could go in and out.
Juvenile Bootery
Bang, bang, bang Pistols hot bang, bang, bang. I'm on the spot. Don't try to come in here. My bed is there. My shoes are there. My poster's there. My stuff is here. There's no cash in the register now. I took it to the bank because that's what I do. Oh, I'm. I'm. The cops are here. Cops are clearly not on my side. Back the blue, not me.
Scott Aukerman
Are you shooting? I can't be shooting cops, man.
Juvenile Bootery
I'll shoot cops if I freaking want.
Scott Aukerman
There's.
Coach Prime
I'm a guy.
Juvenile Bootery
My God. That you can't be stopped. I'm. I'm from. I'm from the street. I'm from the. I'm from the. I'm from the.
Scott Aukerman
From the shoe store.
Juvenile Bootery
I'm from the store. But at this. But at the store, we sell the shoes for the street. The street will get up on the speed. I don't respect cops. Cops don't respect me. When they start to respect me, then I'll bend the knee. So. So that's what. You better chalk this guy out because that body is laid out. Bang.
Coach Prime
That was like, more Of a stabbing motion.
Scott Aukerman
The listener couldn't see it. But yeah, you were sort of either. Either jabbing at someone with your gun or.
Juvenile Bootery
But gun got out of gun, ran out of bullets. I have to think fast Stab with a gun if I have to last in this life of wild crime oh, what a time Drop the beat Drop it hard Everybody is looking around It's Scotland Yard.
Scott Aukerman
Scotland. Don't bring Scotland Yard into this.
Juvenile Bootery
I don't like any kinds of cops. British ones or American ones.
Scott Aukerman
How do you feel about Sherlock Holmes?
Juvenile Bootery
Was he a cop?
Scott Aukerman
Well, he's a private investigator.
Juvenile Bootery
Oh, yeah. Private eyes. I'm all right, but okay.
Scott Aukerman
You're okay with us.
Coach Prime
Elementary, my dear dog.
Scott Aukerman
You know, this raises a good question. Why don't they sharpen the ends of guns so you can stab people with it when you run out of bullets?
Coach Prime
They used to do that.
Scott Aukerman
Did they really?
Coach Prime
Yeah, back in the day.
Scott Aukerman
Well, the bayonets obviously had knives on them. But does that affect the aim, by the way? Like, a knife is so heavy. It's like you got to raise your gun up a little higher in order to shoot something.
Coach Prime
The bullet comes out like a rainbow.
Scott Aukerman
I don't know. Juvenile Bootery. What was your name again?
Juvenile Bootery
Juvenile Bootery.
Scott Aukerman
But what was your real name?
Juvenile Bootery
James.
Scott Aukerman
James?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
James Arm. What?
Juvenile Bootery
Armintrout.
Scott Aukerman
Armentrout?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. I don't know. I mean, weirder things have happened, you know?
Juvenile Bootery
What do you mean?
Scott Aukerman
You getting famous?
Juvenile Bootery
Oh, I'm not down to get famous, Scott. I just want to put out my art and put out.
Scott Aukerman
Well, you're doing that.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So you gotta be happy.
Juvenile Bootery
Fame. It's not about fame.
Scott Aukerman
Why aren't you happy?
Juvenile Bootery
I'm happy. I'm so happy.
Scott Aukerman
You're frowning right now.
Juvenile Bootery
I'm so happy.
Scott Aukerman
It takes so many muscles to frown.
Juvenile Bootery
Takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. Oh, what?
Scott Aukerman
Here's another thing about your style. You say a really engaging first line, and then you can never rhyme with it. You just kind of say something like, oh, what? Or huh?
Juvenile Bootery
That the hook is. The first part of any good rap is the. The first line of any good rap is what gets you.
Scott Aukerman
You can't even say your motto correctly.
Juvenile Bootery
The first. The first line sets it up, and the second line takes it down. Oh, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
See, this is part of what I'm talking about. I don't know. I mean. But, hey, look, I wish you luck.
Juvenile Bootery
Thank you.
Scott Aukerman
How much money does the store make?
Juvenile Bootery
The store? Yeah, My mom's doing very well. The store right now makes anywhere between 150 and $200,000.
Mo Welch
Holy shit. Your mom sounds awesome.
Scott Aukerman
How much is she spending? Like what are the costs?
Juvenile Bootery
The costs are very low. The shoes are very small.
Scott Aukerman
Did she sign a lease like several decades ago?
Juvenile Bootery
She owns them all.
Scott Aukerman
She owns them all. Oh, okay. Why does she even then have the store shoes?
Juvenile Bootery
For her passion.
Scott Aukerman
Shoes are her passion?
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, like rap is my passion. Feed the children. They need our help. Wisdom, truth and all of that that is on the shelf.
Scott Aukerman
Do you need help?
Juvenile Bootery
But back.
Scott Aukerman
Why don't you get a partner? You know like how Macklemore had Ryan Lewis. Oh really?
Juvenile Bootery
I had a partner. It was Ryan Lewis. No, Ryan Lewis was my first partner and he moved. He worked at the shoe store. He worked. He moved on to the best Macklemore. Macklemore is the best. And I'm just trying to get. Get to the Macklemore level.
Coach Prime
I know about all that.
Scott Aukerman
Sorry. I'm so sorry. I mean, you're a Shabuzzi fan.
Coach Prime
I like Shabuzzi.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. What if Ryan Lewis and Shabuzzi started working again? Wow, that'd be an unstoppable team.
Coach Prime
Two dogs.
Scott Aukerman
Two dogs. But maybe you should get some other partner or at least, you know, a hype man or something like that.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, I'm completely open for that.
Scott Aukerman
Like someone to do your raps for you while you just kind of like make pose. Can you make like a fun pose or anything like that?
Juvenile Bootery
Like that?
Scott Aukerman
Well, I mean, you're crossing your arms.
Juvenile Bootery
How about this?
Scott Aukerman
Okay, that's sassy. You put your hands on your hips. Stuck your butt out a little bit.
Mo Welch
Very Mary Kate and Ashley.
Coach Prime
I so little time.
Juvenile Bootery
Hey, what the heck? These two girls look the same. Maybe they are twins. And maybe they have the same name. We gotta. We keep mixing them up. We keep mixing them up. Which one is the other one? The other one is the sister. Okay, mister.
Scott Aukerman
At least we're out of the shoe store.
Mo Welch
That's what. I'm the only one that wasn't in the shoe store?
Scott Aukerman
Maybe writing about these other subject matters.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, I'm just like. I'm trying to cultivate more life experience so that I can put that into my stuff. But right now it's mostly shoe store based.
Scott Aukerman
I mean, you work at the shoe store, you live at the shoe store. You get robbed at the shoe store.
Juvenile Bootery
Sometimes I don't get robbed. Sometimes I play a trick. I'll go around to the back of the mall and when those guys try to break in, I set a trap. I call the cops. The cops will show up and arrest them before they even get in the back of the store.
Coach Prime
So you shot him the first time, but then the second time.
Scott Aukerman
And you didn't like the cops the last time you were going to shoot them, but now you're working in tandem with them.
Juvenile Bootery
Sometimes the cops could be a help, especially if it's dark. Cut it out, guys. Get in here. I'm not a friggin narc. This guy broke in, he wanted the stuff. I'm here to tell you that. Help me out. I'm tough.
Scott Aukerman
This is what hip hop is missing, is nuance about the police.
Juvenile Bootery
Some of the guys, they're all right. Some of the guys are okay. One of the guys is a big jerk who never shows up when I call and I'm like, hey, what's up? What does this number mean? 9 1, 1, remember that? I called it and you didn't show up. So I got to take things into my hands. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Here the bullets drop, Hear the gun stab. Here every. Everybody is now dead.
Coach Prime
Oh, everybody's dead now.
Scott Aukerman
The worst thing that a police officer can do is not show up.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, sometimes I call and they don't show up, so I have to take things into my own hands.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, well. What was your name again?
Coach Prime
Juvenile Booty.
Juvenile Bootery
Juvenile.
Scott Aukerman
No, I know. The Juvenile Bootery.
Juvenile Bootery
Jordan. Army Trout. James Armitrout.
Scott Aukerman
It's confusing.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, James Jordan Armentrout. I sometimes say my middle name too.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, were you named after the shoe?
Juvenile Bootery
Michael Jordan. The Michael Juvenile Air Jordans. They make. Small ones.
Scott Aukerman
They make. Yeah, it's. It's a shame to spend that much money on a shoe and then they grow out of it. Yeah, like three months.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah, that's kind of the. That's how my mom makes so much money. Because you sell a kid a shoe one week and the kid's bigger the next week they come back in.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, no, like adult shoes. You buy one pair, you're good for life. Yeah, your foot doesn't grow after that.
Juvenile Bootery
It's a good business model, but so is rap.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, I don't think so. Anyway, we're running out of time. Would it surprise you to hear your segment is over? We only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called plugs.
Coach Prime
Hey, Scott, where else is somewhere you like to go? You like to go to bookstores? A park?
Scott Aukerman
Sure.
Coach Prime
Those kids are playing. Excuse me. Speaking of kids, excuse me.
Scott Aukerman
Can you mention a plug bag? And then maybe we can remix this. All right. Said and Done. That is Carl farts on Scott in the park by Brad Cook. Fantastic. Thank you, Brad. Hey, if you have a Plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com plugs and you can find everything you need there. You can find, stems from our closing up, the plug bags for your remixes. You can find everything you need, and you can upload your songs. And Brad Cook, you are famous this week. Congratulations. What do we plug in Mo? Obviously, dad Jokes is on Hulu now. Say, say more than a though.
Mo Welch
Yeah, yeah, it's out there on Hulu. Also, I'd like to plug Coach Prime. Amazon documentary.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, really? Is there a documentary about you, dog?
Coach Prime
Oh, yeah, I got a lot of them out there.
Scott Aukerman
You do?
Coach Prime
Really? I got a few of them. Name them all.
Scott Aukerman
This is the first one I've heard about. But that's fascinating. So people can watch dad Jokes and then just let it autoplay into Coach Prime.
Mo Welch
Into Amazon. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Awesome. I love that. And speaking of whom, Coach prime, what are you plugging?
Coach Prime
Well, that documentary.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Coach Prime
You gotta see me coaching. Coaching the boys.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Coach Prime
And then also watch The Atlanta Falcons 1991 documentary.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, good. Did you play for the Falcons?
Coach Prime
I did.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so you went from Dallas to the Falcons or.
Coach Prime
I got drafted to the Falcons.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, okay. Congratulations.
Coach Prime
And then I went to Dallas Cowboys. San Francisco 49er.
Scott Aukerman
People don't like to be drafted when it's the army, but suddenly they like it when it's the NFL.
Coach Prime
I didn't like it either time.
Mo Welch
It's Atlanta, Illinois, by the way.
Coach Prime
Atlanta, Illinois?
Mo Welch
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, okay. The Atlanta, Illinois Falcons minor league team. Anything else you want to plug?
Coach Prime
Yeah, I'd like. You know, I've been getting into these podcasts. I want to plug one that I like.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Coach Prime
There's one called the Flagrant Ones.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, yeah, I've heard about this.
Coach Prime
Hosted by the guy that just farted on you in the park.
Scott Aukerman
Right.
Coach Prime
And two other guys, Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements.
Mo Welch
Oh, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Did they ever drop the act?
Coach Prime
I still don't know.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Coach Prime
But you can find that on Hollywood Handbook. Oh, I think.
Scott Aukerman
I think it's the flagrant one.
Coach Prime
Patreon.com they don't change it up.
Scott Aukerman
They changed it.
Coach Prime
Okay. I believe it's Hollywood Handbook now, but look up Hollywood Handbook and sign up for the Patreon.
Scott Aukerman
Look, people can find whatever you're talking about.
Coach Prime
Yeah, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
You know. All right. And what was your name again? Jordan.
Juvenile Bootery
Juvenile Bootery.
Scott Aukerman
Juvenile Bootery. What do you want to. What do you want to plug.
Juvenile Bootery
Jake? Oh, I'm James Jordan, but I go by Jake. Yeah, I'll also plug some podcasts. There's a good podcast. It's. It's. It's about screenwriting and it's kind of making fun of all that stuff. And that's called get it to Dutch. And you can find that wherever you get podcast. It's like make fun of Hollywood stuff because, you know, it's easy to make fun of.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, that sounds good.
Juvenile Bootery
Yeah. Or you could.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, I know I still have to plug. All right, I want to plug. Look, head over to CBB World. We talked about it. We have some great shows over there. We have CBB Presents. We just put out a Music man watch along podcast with myself and a couple of guys watching and trying to settle this whole music man debate that came out recently. We have hey, Randy. We have Entrepreneurs Entrepreneur Tour. We haven't done one of those in a while. Would love to do another one.
Coach Prime
Oh, no.
Scott Aukerman
Hard when one of the people who does it is no longer ever in in Los Angeles.
Coach Prime
But neither of them.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, that's true. But so many great shows over there. Head over there and if you subscribe for a full year, you can get two of those months for free. Two months of my choosing, not of your choosing. And yeah, that's probably it. Why don't we close up the old plug bag?
Juvenile Bootery
We all have bags and they need some clothes and we need these bags because we're nosing that in. These bags are lots of plugs. So just grab the piece of thread and tie it up real tight.
Scott Aukerman
Open up the fur bag. Okay, that was Grab a piece of plug Bag by Evasir. Fantastic. Thank you so much to Evasir. And speaking of thanks, thank you everyone for being on the show. Mo, welcome to the one timer spot.
Mo Welch
Oh, thank you.
Scott Aukerman
This is incredible.
Mo Welch
I'm honored.
Scott Aukerman
And this is not a slam. I hope you never return because we found that if people's careers get better, they never come back.
Mo Welch
Oh, okay.
Scott Aukerman
So I hope that your office spinoff is so big that when you get another request, you'd say, why would I ever do that again?
Mo Welch
Okay, I will. Good luck to you no matter what.
Scott Aukerman
And also Juvenile Bootery, AKA James, AKA Jordan, AKA Jake. Good luck to you.
Juvenile Bootery
Thank you.
Scott Aukerman
Scott, it sounds like you're going into another thing. I'm going to cut you off. I'm going to say thank you over here to Coach prime and Scott.
Coach Prime
You look good. Oh, thank you, Juvenile Buddha. You look good. Mo, you look good. Yeah, I see you all in practice.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. How many hours a week do we have to practice.
Coach Prime
Let's see, three hours, five times a week. 15 hours a week.
Scott Aukerman
15. I don't know that I can fit this into my schedule. Is that right?
Coach Prime
Three hours, five times a week.
Scott Aukerman
Do you play a full game? Why is it three hours? Couldn't we cut this down to like 20 minutes?
Coach Prime
No, we got to go over everything. You didn't even know.
Scott Aukerman
Do we have to go over how many games the Chicago Bulls won?
Coach Prime
You asked if the long snapper could turn around and throw.
Scott Aukerman
All right, well, we'll take let's leave with another rap by Juvenile Bootery. Here we go.
Juvenile Bootery
Well, this is the end of the very of the podcast. Podcast? Do you gotta ask? Whoa. No, the end is of the show. Check it out at the door. Cops are here.
Mo Welch
I gotta go.
Scott Aukerman
Don't kill the cops, please. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.
Coach Prime
Foreign.
Katie Nolan
I'm Katie Nolan and I have a new podcast called Casuals. It's a podcast for people who like sports a normal amount. Casuals is a twice a week hang with me and my friends from across comedy, sports and entertainment where we talk about all the funny, weird, interesting stuff happening in and around the world of sports. So whether you're a die hard fan or just vaguely sports curious, Casuals is the podcast for you can find casuals on the SiriusXM app Pandora or wherever you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode. Give it a try. What's the worst that could happen?
Scott Aukerman
High Five Casino lets you play your favorite slot and live table games like Blackjack with the chance to redeem for real cash prizes. High Five Casino has a giant selection of over 1200 games, including hundreds of exclusive games only found on High Five Casino. It's always free to play and free coins are given out every four hours. Ready to have your own high five moment? Visit high five casino.com that's high the number five casino.com no purchase necessary. Void where prohibited by law. Must be 21 years or older. Terms and conditions apply. Where'd you get those shoes? DSW has all the shoes you need for whatever you're into. You know, like running shoes that give new meaning to personal best or everyday sneakers that make coffee runs look cool. Basically, DSW has all the best styles from the brands that always get it.
Juvenile Bootery
Right, like Nike, Brooks, Timberland and more.
Scott Aukerman
Oh yeah, did we mention they also happen to be the perfect price. Find a shoe for every you at your dsw store and dsw.com.
Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast – Episode Featuring Mo Welch, Carl Tart, Greg Hess
Release Date: February 3, 2025
Guests: Mo Welch, Coach Prime, Juvenile Bootery
"Comedy Bang Bang" continues its tradition of blending celebrity interviews with quirky characters and humorous segments. In this episode, host Scott Aukerman welcomes stand-up comedian Mo Welch, former athlete and football coach Coach Prime, and Juvenile Bootery, the proprietor of a children's footwear store and aspiring rapper.
Mo Welch kicks off her segment by discussing her latest project, a unique blend of a documentary and a stand-up special titled "Dad Jokes," now available on Hulu. Scott commends the innovative format, noting, "It's a combination of your standup about the experience as well as doing some of the jokes that you've written in the past about your father."
Key Discussion Points:
Notable Quote:
Scott Aukerman: "It's a combination of your standup... very funny throughout."
Mo Welch: "I was proud of it because I just... let's do it."
Next, Scott brings in Coach Prime, a former football player and current coach of the Colorado Buffaloes. The conversation veers into playful territory as Coach Prime intertwines his athletic background with humorous anecdotes about dogs and football strategies.
Key Discussion Points:
Notable Quote:
Coach Prime: "I need dogs, Scott, if anybody. If I need one thing to make sure that the Colorado Buffaloes are still coming next year and coming hard."
The final guest, Juvenile Bootery (real name James Armentrout), manages his mother's children's footwear store while pursuing a passion for rap music. His segment is a blend of retail anecdotes and attempts at freestyle rap, showcasing his dual interests.
Key Discussion Points:
Notable Quote:
Juvenile Bootery: "We sell fitting socks, and we sell some socks with the shoes, especially the tall boots, the boxing boots. Everything is on sale."
Throughout the episode, the guests partake in light-hearted banter and creative plugs for their respective projects. Mo Welch promotes her Hulu special, Coach Prime references his upcoming documentary, and Juvenile Bootery shares links to his rap tracks on Spotify. The interactions are laced with trademark "Comedy Bang Bang" humor, ensuring listeners are entertained while staying informed about the guests' endeavors.
Notable Moments:
Final Remarks: Scott wraps up the episode by thanking the guests and encouraging listeners to check out their projects, ensuring a seamless blend of entertainment and promotion.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
Conclusion
This episode of "Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast" masterfully blends insightful conversations with uproarious humor. Mo Welch offers a heartfelt yet funny exploration of family and comedy, Coach Prime provides athletic insights wrapped in humor, and Juvenile Bootery delivers a unique perspective on managing a business while chasing musical dreams. The dynamic interactions and memorable quotes make this episode a standout addition to the podcast's 15-year legacy.