Paul F. Tompkins, Drew Tarver, Ryan Gaul

Summary

Summary of "Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast" Episode Featuring Paul F. Tompkins, Drew Tarver, Ryan Gaul

Release Date: April 7, 2025

Introduction to Wet Day

In this episode, hosts Scott Aukerman and Carolyn Parker introduce listeners to "Wet Day," a humorous and fictional holiday established in 2021. Wet Day is celebrated annually on April 10th and is dedicated to embracing all things wet, serving as a counterbalance to the dryness of April Fools' Day pranks. Carolyn explains, “[03:41] Paul F. Tompkins: Yes. Wet Day Observed is this Thursday,” setting the stage for the festivities ([02:00]-[09:07]).

Wet Day Traditions and Celebrations

The hosts delve into the various traditions associated with Wet Day, emphasizing activities that maximize wetness and fun. These include:

• Extended Showers: Participants increase their shower time from the usual 30 minutes to 45 minutes to get thoroughly wet. “[12:14] Spike Mink: Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

• Wet T-Shirt Contests: A playful competition where attendees showcase their wet attire.

• Water Balloons and Squirting Flowers: Engaging in water-based games and replacing traditional pens with water-filled ones for unexpected squirts. “[12:24] Paul F. Tompkins: Yeah. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah. That's what it is.”

• Wet Day Decorations: Decorating homes with wet trees adorned with popcorn and ice cubes, ensuring the decorations remain as wet as possible. “[11:50] Carolyn Parker: The primary thing is the tree has to be wet.”

Notable Quote:

• “[08:01] Scott Aukerman: Wet Day is a day where you get as wet as you can possibly be.”

Interaction with Spike and Ike Mink Salmon

A significant portion of the episode features recurring characters Spike Mink and Ike Mink Salmon, who portray overly protective grandparents determined to keep the hosts away from their granddaughter. Their interactions are laden with exaggerated threats and comedic intimidation tactics, adding a layer of absurd humor to the episode.

Key Moments:

• Initial Warning: Spike and Ike firmly state, “[37:11] Scott Aukerman: I'm gonna tell you this once,” followed by their repeated insistence, “Stay away from our granddaughter” ([37:13]-[38:03]).

• Granddaughter Protection Strategies: They introduce the concept of "Grand Decoys," high-priced dolls designed to mimic their granddaughter and deter unwanted attention. “[49:35] Scott Aukerman: We never said anything,” highlighting their elaborate measures to protect her ([49:08]-[56:23]).

Notable Quote:

• “[38:29] Scott Aukerman: To keep it that way.”

Comedic Conflicts and Resolutions

Carolyn Parker attempts to navigate the tension created by Spike and Ike, seeking clarity on their obsession with protecting their granddaughter. The dialogue escalates into humorous exchanges about inheritance, excessive foil purchases, and fictional backstories involving booby traps and failed protective efforts.

Highlights:

• Inheritance and Foil Obsession: Spike and Ike reveal they inherited a massive quantity of foil, cleverly tying it into their protective measures. “[53:23] Carolyn Parker: So this gave you some sort of comfort in the fact that you were estranged from your sisters?”

• Booby Traps Gone Wrong: They recount how their grandfather installed traps to prevent intrusion, leading to the accidental demise of family members, adding dark humor to the narrative. “[54:33] Scott Aukerman: No, no, no.”

Notable Quote:

• “[57:11] Spike Mink: I pledge allegiance to my granddaughter.”

Wrap-up and Future Plans

As the episode progresses, the hosts and characters discuss future Wet Day events and merchandise, maintaining the episode's comedic and satirical tone. Spike and Ike continue to emphasize their commitment to protecting their granddaughter, while Carolyn seeks ways to integrate Wet Day into broader celebrations.

Final Remarks:

• Festival Headlining: Spike mentions headlining "Granddaughter Fest," a fictional music festival centered around granddaughters. “[93:41] Scott Aukerman: Stay away from Granddaughter Fest.”

• Promotional Segments: The hosts incorporate humorous plugs for Wet Day-related products and upcoming events, further blending comedy with mock advertising. “[93:56] Carolyn Parker: Burger King.”

Notable Quote:

• “[100:40] Spike Mink: She stays away from all shows.”

Conclusion

This episode of "Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast" masterfully blends structured comedic themes around the fictional Wet Day holiday with spontaneous and character-driven humor. The interactions with Spike and Ike Mink Salmon provide a running gag that satirizes extreme family protectiveness, while the exploration of Wet Day traditions offers an engaging and entertaining experience for listeners. Notable quotes and exaggerated scenarios underscore the show's signature blend of improvisational comedy and absurdist humor, making it a memorable installment even for those who haven't tuned in.

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

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[Paul F. Tompkins]

Your carrier, just switch to T Mobile. You can keep your phone, keep your number and we'll help pay it off up to $800 per line. You can also use our savings calculator to compare our plans and streaming benefits against Verizon and AT&T. So switch and keep your phone, keep your number and keep more of your moolah. @t mobile.com up to 4 lines via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device, credit service port in 90 plus days with device and eligible carrier and timely redemption required. Card has no cash access and expires in six months.

[Carolyn Parker]

For everything you do, the all new 2025 Chevrolet Equinox is the SUV to help you do it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It has the technology you need, including an 11.3-inch diagonal touchscreen with easy access.

[Carolyn Parker]

To your apps, maps, music and more. The cargo area is loaded with possibilities including folding split bench seats and hidden underfloor storage for flexibility. There's even an all new trim named Aktiv with a rugged off road inspired.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Design for those whose passion begins where the pavement ends. And the equinox is number one for new vehicle quality among compact SUVs in.

[Carolyn Parker]

2024 according to J.D. power, the all new 2025 Chevy Equinox. It's everything you want in an SUV.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Learn more at chevy.com equinox J.D. power Award based on 2024 models for J.D.

[Carolyn Parker]

Power 2024 US Initial Quality Study Award.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Information, visit jdpower.com Awards.

[Carolyn Parker]

Get on the wet foot, do the damp thing and pass the soggy peas. Welcome to Comedy Bang.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I know what time of year it is.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's right. Thanks to your all. Nope, sorry. You're in all cakes for that catchphrase. In all cakes. Every single one of them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, I think I understand it.

[Carolyn Parker]

What is it?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Urinal cakes.

[Carolyn Parker]

Urinal cakes? Yes, the wettest things.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why do they have to name urinal cakes?

[Carolyn Parker]

It sounds so delicious. I mean, it's so tempting.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wanna? Come on?

[Carolyn Parker]

It's mixed messages here, guys.

[Ike Mink]

Cakes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And that's like the Iraq war. Whenever were here yellow cake uranium, I would get so excited. It made me think it's supermarket sheet cake. Ooh, yellow cake. I want some of that with chocolate frosting.

[Carolyn Parker]

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. And we all know what week this is. That's right. We'll be talking about it. My name is Scott Ockerman. I am here with my fellow enthusiast of the holiday that we are celebrating. Co creator. Co creator. I mean, you're an enthusiast as well, but.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I was so enthusiastic, I co created it.

[Carolyn Parker]

Let me introduce him. You know him as a comedian of note.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Please, I'll allow you to introduce myself.

[Carolyn Parker]

He is a raconteur. He is a. An actor. He is a voiceover artist. He is a touring professional comedian who has a tour entitled Variaturpia, which is coming to the United States and Canada in approximately one week to ten days from now. So true. And I have to say, many Urkels to him. Please welcome Paul F. Tompkins.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Many Urkels to you. Many hamburgers to you.

[Carolyn Parker]

Of course. Now many Urkels to you is, of course, the Wet day greeting. And that is what we're talking about here, is we are celebrating here. This is the day we are observing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. Wet Day.

[Carolyn Parker]

Observed Wet day is this Thursday.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

The. Of course, April 10th. And the reason we do this before.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The actual day is because we know people want to spend it with their families.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And they don't want to have to listen to this. This is to get you in the mood.

[Carolyn Parker]

This is to get you hyped up. Now we're celebrating. We're as wet as we possibly be. Right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm drenched.

[Carolyn Parker]

I have wet hair from the shower. That was just the start of it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, wet hair from the shower.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wet hair from the shower. I know, right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That is one of those.

[Carolyn Parker]

Of course, we are also celebrating on Thursday, Haley Joel Osment's birthday. He shares that with Wet Day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, he probably. It sucks because you get one present for both.

[Carolyn Parker]

Exactly. But I will say, the day he was born is probably the wettest he's ever been.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my God.

[Carolyn Parker]

Nine months leading up to it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I wish we could remember how wet we were before we're born. And when we come out, because we're.

[Carolyn Parker]

So wet, we're like breathing liquid.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

You know what I mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's what it's guess, baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Like there's. There's not even air in the lungs.

[Ike Mink]

How.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay, let's get into gills.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How does that work?

[Carolyn Parker]

This is crazy, but I don't have any idea.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You got a bunch of tears in the side of your head.

[Carolyn Parker]

There's slits in the side of your head. I know you didn't want to say slits, but tears feels too imprecise. And. And then. And then in goes water and out goes bubbles.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah. That's what it is.

[Carolyn Parker]

Hey.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thank you. He goes water, out goes bubbles. Problem solved.

[Carolyn Parker]

Fish, I think, are perhaps the animal most associated with Wet day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I thought you're gonna say fish. You're on notice.

[Carolyn Parker]

I would never put fish on notice.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you, do you allow fish to listen to this podcast or do you feel like they shouldn't?

[Carolyn Parker]

I feel like this is the animal kingdom's podcast. Of course, it was humanity's podcast. And then we broadened the scope to incorporate and include the animal kingdom. I think fish are in the animal kingdom. Although I, I, you know, I mean, fish are that weird kind of thing where, like, you, you don't eat animals, but you do eat fish, so are they animals? You know what I mean? Like.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah, no, I do.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, I don't know. I don't eat animals. Yeah. I'll have fish every once in a while.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Like, fish is just a slimy thing. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a glorified worm. Now I'm going to, I'm going to ask you to put fish out of your mind.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm, I want to do a little experiment because I have an answer and I want to see what your answer is.

[Carolyn Parker]

I've cleared fish from my mind, but I'm not thinking of them at all.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

When I say the phrase that pays. Animal. Yeah. Then I win. How much?

[Carolyn Parker]

$500,000.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think that's a lot.

[Carolyn Parker]

You just say it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What is this radio station doing?

[Carolyn Parker]

Half a million dollars. I have no idea how we're profitable.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Put. So when I say this phrase to you, I want you to say the first.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Thing that you picture.

[Carolyn Parker]

First thing I picture.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Animal Kingdom.

[Carolyn Parker]

I pictured a cheetah and in a big African safari.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. For some reason, I go bear, you go bear. That's the first thing I think of as a bear.

[Carolyn Parker]

You think the king of the kingdom is a bear?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, I think that he's a subject of the animal kingdom.

[Carolyn Parker]

Who do you think is the king? Truly. The lion.

[Scott Aukerman]

Truly.

[Carolyn Parker]

Why? And why is that? Why does he get top billing? Why is he number one?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think he looks the most kingly.

[Carolyn Parker]

Is it that main?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, it is. He looks the most kingly. By the way, he doesn't do the lioness. Lioness does all the work.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah, tell me about it. He just, like, sits around at home waiting for her to bring back everything.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Looking at himself in the mirror.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, check out this mane of mine. Oh, I'm gorgeous, honey. Yeah, this, it is pretty impressive though. You got a beautiful mane. I mean, honestly, it's so beautiful. He should be the king of the jungle.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But think how bad it looks on a person. If a person has equal length hair and beard.

[Scott Aukerman]

No Mustache that looks like.

[Carolyn Parker]

Well, I mean, what are we. Are we talking about Kenny Loggins, or what are we.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, he had a mustache. He didn't have just a beard.

[Carolyn Parker]

Did he have. He must have had a beard at one point.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, he had a beard with a mustache, though. I'm saying, like.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, I see. So you're talking Abraham Lincoln, full beard.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Same length as your hair. No mustache. Terrible. And if you have that look, I apologize.

[Carolyn Parker]

And that is as dry a look as it can get. Unless your hair is sopping wet, of course. Which I hope it would be on Wet Day. Let's take.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, I would.

[Carolyn Parker]

Let's take everyone through a little bit about what we're talking about. What is Wet Day?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. If you're. If you're new to the holiday.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's right. Because I believe this is our 22. This is our fourth annual wet day special.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Feels like more. Feels like we've been doing this for a long, long time.

[Carolyn Parker]

What is Wet Day? We created Wet day back in 2021. At the end of 2021.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And this is a tradition of Wet Day, is to explain the history and the lore.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes. We created it. And the concept of Wet Day is. Wet Day is a day where you get as wet as you can possibly be. Because on April 1, you have gone through so many pranks that people have played on you. Getting you wet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

Squirting flowers. You know that you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

A paddle of water over the door.

[Carolyn Parker]

Exactly. Like all of this. You're wet all day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You've had cutting your brakes. And you drive near a river.

[Carolyn Parker]

You've had nine days to dry off, and you want to be wet again. And so we celebrate wet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's just long enough. You miss it. You're like, actually, that was fun.

[Carolyn Parker]

So that's what it is. April. It's April 10th every year, which means it falls on a different day of the week every year. That's right.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

One of those.

[Carolyn Parker]

Of course, some of the things that we do. The Wet Day traditions. Poseidon, the Greek God, is the patron saint of Wet Day. But now Urkel is the new patron of Wet Day. It used to be Jim Belushi, but it is. I don't know why it is now Urkel, which is why we say many Urkels to you anytime. I don't know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Carolyn Parker]

What day is the day, of course, to spray Elon Musk with a civil rights grade fire hose. Michael Richards is a Wet Day thing due to him being sprayed in UHF by the same type of fire hose.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay. All right.

[Carolyn Parker]

Waterworld of course, is the Wet Day movie, 100%. And you have to go to the Water World stunt show on Wet Day, of course, At Universal Studios, sit in the splash zone, make the pilgrimage. And if you don't celebrate Wet Day, which, for those of you out there, I wish you would, but if you don't celebrate it, go see Dune.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, that's your movie. The absolute opposite.

[Carolyn Parker]

The opposite of Water World. Yeah. Weird Al should call himself Wet Al on Wet Day. Wet Day is not a religious holiday, but I think we should take bids from religion.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Even though it has a patron saint. Yeah, I like the idea of taking bids. Who wants it?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who wants it? Bad enough?

[Carolyn Parker]

Who wants it? It is a global holiday.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are we including cults? Can cults bid?

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure. Any cults? Yeah, if you want to revitalize your cult. Hey, what was that one? Nixium nivium Nexium. Nexium. Yeah, yeah, I almost. I got there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If people get brands of Wet Day.

[Carolyn Parker]

On their coins, just like drops of water. Brands of drops.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The water emoji. The spurting water emoji.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. Put it right next to their private parts.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get it.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wet Day Eve, of course, is celebrated two months before on January 10th of 2024, on wet day Eve. Hopefully everyone already did this on January 10th. You should put everything you own in the shower and then get on top of it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's more than two months before, I would say.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah, that's three months before, probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Closer to that.

[Carolyn Parker]

In 2022, we mentioned you should begin decorating for wet Day on St. Patrick's Day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

What you do is you de moisten all of your things. You de moisten things starting October so you can start being really wet. Midnight on Wet Day Eve.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. You should start drying things out.

[Carolyn Parker]

Get your hair dryer. Make sure everything is as dry as it can be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Leave the caps off of stuff.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure. The decorations, of course. For Wet Day, we string together popcorn and ice cubes and we place a wet tree outside our house or apartment, open the window and then bend it so that it leans inside.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Carolyn Parker]

The primary thing is the tree has to be wet. Not the wettest tree of all time.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, no, no, no.

[Carolyn Parker]

Just the wettest tree you can find.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, obviously, people like the Great Christmas Light Fight. People will be competing in their neighborhoods to have the wettest tree.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure. That's just slightly leaning into your window.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All the families, of course, somebody has had cancer. That's what happens on the Great Christmas Flight Fight as we find out somebody has had cancer.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes. What do we do on wet day? We take a longer shower than usual. Now 30 minutes exactly is how we take our showers on non wet days.

[Spike Mink]

Yeah, that's right.

[Carolyn Parker]

We extend that to drought or. No, we extend that to 45 minutes. On wet day we sleep in a full tub, we visit wet places and we toss water balloons into local businesses at customers. We take the ink out of all of our pens and fill them with water and put that ink into vaudeville esque squirting flowers.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Right.

[Carolyn Parker]

So that when you assume it will be a flower that squirts water at you, it squirts ink.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. And you don't know if you've been hit by it. You have no idea until you look in the mirror.

[Carolyn Parker]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Now on wet day, regardless of your gender identity or your age, you should tell people I'm an old man because your fingers will be pruny and wrinkled from being wet. Very important, very important. You should tell the wettest story you have.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes. That's fun for the family to do, to gather around.

[Carolyn Parker]

And you know, of course you should host wet t shirt contests.

[Scott Aukerman]

100. Yes, you should be doing that anyway, frankly.

[Carolyn Parker]

The official wet day after show is watch Wet happens live. Which will be live regardless of where you are or what time it is. That's right. And on this show they invite alcoholics of the past, present and future. Now here's something very important. Don't know. This is all in a document.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

How do they get the future one?

[Carolyn Parker]

I don't know how they determine that someone is in the future going.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You find. So you're invited on the show and you find out you're going to be.

[Carolyn Parker]

An alcohol big reveal.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh no, there's nothing you could do about it.

[Carolyn Parker]

This is very important. If you drink something on wet day, it should not have ice. If you do have to get something on the rocks, wait 30 minutes for the ice to melt and then drink it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Because although ice is wet, it's not as wet as water.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's not as. It's not as wet as water. Now let's talk about the wet day carols. Because this is a big part of wet days. Absolutely. Is to join in with your friends and go traversing through the neighborhood and knocking on doors and singing wet day carols. Yeah. Number one with a bullet of course was whop.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wet ass. That's correct. That's the number one wet day song. It's the jingle bells of wet day. Yeah. Now we also mentioned gonna make you Sweat by CNC Factory, which, by the way, sweat has wet in it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's so true.

[Carolyn Parker]

You know what I mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like, you can't spell sweat without wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

You can't. It's a very. Like, who was like, oh, what's that stuff coming out of our bodies?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You also sweat, sweat, sweat. You also can't spell sweater without wet. And maybe instead of wet, or in addition to wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

Excuse me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Instead of in addition to wet. T shirt.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wet sweater contest. Yes. We also have Bringing in the Sheaves is a wedding carol. Yep. Because even though it's about wheat, you can just pronounce wheat as wet. Yep. Also Keith Sweats entire discography. Apparently, we made a rule that you cannot fade songs out on Wet Day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, you have to have a hard stop.

[Carolyn Parker]

Hard stop. And in fact, any Wet Day carol should have a NASA countdown letting you know it's going to end. The Wet Day holiday band is wet, wet, wet. What are some gifts you can give people on Wet Day?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Should we. I think we should also include.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes. Well, there's a new. There's a new Wet Day Carol.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. That's right. It's been brought to our attention.

[Carolyn Parker]

Do you want to hear it? I, I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, I would like to hear.

[Carolyn Parker]

I cued this up. I was so excited. This came out about two months ago.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, it's not what I was thinking.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, okay. Well, this is. This is one I was very excited by. Hey, Bruno. Juicy and Wet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't even gang bang so good.

[Carolyn Parker]

Made me throw up a set.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't even gang bang.

[Carolyn Parker]

Fat, Juicy and Wet, of course, by Sexy Red and Bruno Mars. When this came out, I was like, come on. Now they're just trolling us. They want us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But look, this is a thing that artists do is they feel like it's a surefire way to make money, is release a holiday album.

[Carolyn Parker]

And it'll be played every year on Wednesday.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Everybody's going after Mariah Carey. Does she have any Wet Day carols?

[Carolyn Parker]

She's. I, I would love for on one of her Christmas albums just to throw a Wet Day song in there. You know what I mean?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We should try to find out what her wettest song is.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah, I. Let me look that up. I wonder if AI would help me out with that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, please.

[Carolyn Parker]

GPT. What is Mariah Carey's wettest song? All right, let's see. Through the Rain is often cited as one of her most wet or sensual songs. Surprisingly, AI Overview has an answer for us.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Through the Rain. There we go.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And they're not wrong because wet and sensual. Kind of the same thing.

[Carolyn Parker]

Let's hear a little through the rain here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sure.

[Carolyn Parker]

You are a disgrace to this family. Didn't you teach me to follow my heart? What's metal soprano in the video?

[Ike Mink]

Then why can't you?

[Carolyn Parker]

You are a kid.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You don't know what you believe in. I'm leaving.

[Carolyn Parker]

A little bit of dramatic acting before the song starts.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Little bit of dramatic acting before the song starts.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, a necklace or a charm bracelet falls on the ground.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Who's playing the mom?

[Carolyn Parker]

I don't know, but I feel like there's a Freaky Friday situation going on.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I hate you.

[Carolyn Parker]

So far, nothing wet in this video. No, she's. It's a period piece.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh.

[Carolyn Parker]

I mean, come on. Stop.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Stop it right now. That's all we need.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's all we need. We need to get out of the rain.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

You are absolutely wet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's another song, though, that many people have brought to our attention.

[Carolyn Parker]

What's that?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, God, I love this. Holiday Bus Stop by the Hollies.

[Carolyn Parker]

What? Bus stop? Yes, Bus Stop Hollies. All right. I have this all queued up. We'll see. What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No ad?

[Carolyn Parker]

No AD. Can you believe it? The Hollies are not monetizing their old songs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The second thing.

[Carolyn Parker]

Second thing. They say wet day, Bus Stop, Wet day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And the song goes on to mention umbrellas many times.

[Carolyn Parker]

The one thing I would say is, it's not Bus Stop Day, Hollies. You know it's true.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But maybe they're at the bus stop on Wet Day to go to the.

[Carolyn Parker]

Universal Studios Water Spectacular Unspectacular. Let's talk about Wet Day gifts. Obviously, the bottled water is. Is traditional. Traditional. You put that in wet day stockings. But a wet car with a wet bow is.

[Scott Aukerman]

A giant wet bow.

[Carolyn Parker]

Giant wet bow. These are, of course, all of the things we've talked about on previous episodes, by the way. A couple episodes ago, Hannah Einbinder is aware of Wet Day and is taking it up the corporate ladder to help make it an official holiday. So that's very exciting. And then last week, Jon Hamm added another new wrinkle to it, which is Friday. He is now calling Dry Day Friday Dry Day, because that's the day after Wet Day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's. But it's not every year.

[Carolyn Parker]

No, no. Just on the. On the few occasions that Wet day falls upon a Thursday, you get to Friday, then becomes dry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Tomorrow's dry day, and you. You have to act real sad.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes, you do. Because unfortunately. Yeah. It's not like Black Friday at all. It's.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You do have to get as dry as you possibly can.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes. And that, that has to start.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Honestly, the day after Wet Day is the day you should be at your absolute driest.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's right. And then you can get wet throughout the year.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Up until April Fool's Day, when, of course, you're, you're drenched. April Fool's Day. You might be even wetter than what you are on Wet Day, maybe depending on how your family likes to prank you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Anyway, happy Wet Day to you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Happy Wet Day to you and to all the listeners.

[Carolyn Parker]

Do you have plans for Thursday? Do you know what you're doing exactly. Other than everything we've discussed?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

My wife and I will be going to a water park.

[Carolyn Parker]

Great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Where we will swap bathing suits. We'll swap bathing suits on one of the slides. Yes. We're going to go through the tunnel.

[Scott Aukerman]

That when we come out, we're gonna be wearing each other's bathing suits.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's a great reveal for the entire. All of the visitors to the park.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Carolyn Parker]

We love it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We're going to travel everywhere. We go. Exclusively by flume.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure. Well, are you carving your own flume out of a log?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We, Last year, Janie gave me a flume from For Wet Day.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, that's gorgeous.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I got her a comb.

[Carolyn Parker]

She cut off her hair. Fantastic.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, what are you gonna do?

[Carolyn Parker]

Well, I, I mean, you know, what is the wettest place in California? You know, La Brea Tar Pits. La Brea Tar Pits. I'm just, I'm diving right in.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let me ask you.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Does that count as wet?

[Carolyn Parker]

It's goopy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's goopy. This, this is not Goop day. When we mentioned. I feel like toothpaste came up early.

[Carolyn Parker]

Gwyneth Paltrow, she got all excited.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So who's goopier?

[Carolyn Parker]

You don't go around, you know, like, wishing the best for everyone who sued you and tapping them on the shoulder.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, if you win, you do when you're countersuing for $1.

[Carolyn Parker]

But that's a good point. Like, I, I, I would come out of the tar pits kind of going like, I'm all sticky. It's not that I'm wet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's like things like toothpaste. Right. Is a thing that you associate with wet, but it's not itself.

[Carolyn Parker]

No, no, it's not. Yeah. That's the thing. It's just sticky.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It has a sheen on it.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. I don't think it counts, I think. The. The tar pits. You're out. You're no longer part of Wet Day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is Michael Sheen associated with Wet Day?

[Carolyn Parker]

He should be. I.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because a wet thing can have a sheen on it.

[Carolyn Parker]

It can. Are there any. Are there any celebrities with wet in their names?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

F. Murray Wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

F. Murray. Wet. Ram. I couldn't even get that. Or how about just Wet Murray Abraham.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, Paul Wet Tompkins.

[Carolyn Parker]

Paul Wet Tompkins.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

On Wet Day. My name is Paul Wet Tompkins.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's right. Francis Be gone. The F is no longer there. It's now Paul W. Tompkins.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right.

[Carolyn Parker]

I'm just gonna go to the wettest places I can find him. I. I like to go around to all of my neighbor's swimming pools.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah. Like Burt Lancaster in that movie short.

[Carolyn Parker]

Which movie?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The Swimmer.

[Carolyn Parker]

Was it really called the Swimmer?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, it was based on either a novel or a short story by John Cheever, I think.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wow.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And the idea is this man decides to. He's at somebody's pool and he decides he's gonna swim home, quote, unquote, by going to everybody's pool on the way and going to their backyard, swimming through.

[Carolyn Parker]

It, swimming the length of it, and then going to a different pool, swimming the length of that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's where I learned the term bullshots, which is some sort of alcoholic drink where you put bullion in it.

[Carolyn Parker]

This movie sounds like it's perfect for wet, but people.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know what it is perfect for?

[Scott Aukerman]

What day?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because people keep asking him what he's doing, and he goes, I'm swimming home.

[Carolyn Parker]

I am going to get a DVD of this movie, put it in my DVD player, and then get a bucket of water and pour it over the DVD player. Oh, that's great. See what happens.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

See what? I think. You know what's gonna happen?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think a fun thing.

[Carolyn Parker]

A fun thing. And that's what Wet Day is all about. It's about fun. And it's about family. The two Fs.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. And I feel like the reason Water World is the wettest movie.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And a movie like the Swimmer is a very wet movie.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is because it's people getting wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's the thing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

So like a movie like Free Willy.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Come on.

[Carolyn Parker]

No. Who cares if that guy's already wet? Is wet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He's already wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

He loves being wet.

[Ike Mink]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

They're going to release him from what? One wet place to another.

[Carolyn Parker]

You know, in the poster for Free Willy, he's jumping out of the water and he's saying, like, no, I don't want to be out of this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

And they. And they erased that.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Wait a minute. Or is he jumping out saying, I don't want to be wet anymore?

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, my God. Free Will. He is up. The enemy of wet day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. You said it. You said it.

[Carolyn Parker]

Free Willy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The enemy of what?

[Carolyn Parker]

If you see Free Willy on wet day. Yeah. You're allowed to shoot him.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yep.

[Carolyn Parker]

Dead.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's right. And make your own movie about it.

[Carolyn Parker]

Like Blackfish make the sequel to Free will, Free Willy 3. I shot him.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's the sequel to both Free Willy and Blackfish. It's the first movie to be a sequel to two other movies.

[Carolyn Parker]

I love it. Well, I'm gonna have so much fun this wet day. We're all having so much fun here on the show. It's, of course, four days away, and we want everyone to prepare as much as they can. I mean, not as much as they did on wet day eve necessarily.

[Ike Mink]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

But get your. Get your friends together, get your families together, and just plan out what you're gonna do on a wet day. Because you don't want to be like one of these guys who comes to the office on St. Patrick's Day and you're not wearing green, and you get pinched. You get pinched.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What if you're not winning?

[Scott Aukerman]

What day?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What happens? You get punched.

[Carolyn Parker]

I mean, I guess you get punched so hard that some of your wetness comes out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

Blood.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Your wetness in the form of blood. Blood's wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

Blood's sticky as well, like tar.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

But it's wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's pretty wet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right. So, yeah, if. If you're not wet on wet day, you get punched in your nose so hard that the wettest liquid in your body comes out of it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. And if you don't. If you.

[Scott Aukerman]

If the.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If the blood doesn't come out right away, they got to keep punching you.

[Carolyn Parker]

Punching until blood comes out. Yeah, yeah. Even if you're a hemophiliac.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Especially if you are.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. So if you're a hemophiliac and you're at risk, you got to be wet on wet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You better be.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Here's what people should be doing now as they're listening to this. They should be filling up their tub. They should be filling up buckets, pots, bottles, any container that they have. They should be filling with anything in.

[Carolyn Parker]

Your house that you can turn upside down and it can hold liquid. Turn it upside down and put water in now. Sure, sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look.

[Carolyn Parker]

Shoe, shoes, shoes, shoes, shoes. We're always. We're always thinking like, oh, let's put hard things in there. Feet. No, put soft things in there. Water.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And even if you live in a place that has hard water, it's so softer than feet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on, grow up, Grow up.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Let's not do this on wet day.

[Carolyn Parker]

Let's not let. Wet day is about taking time with our friends and family. It's not about, like, you know, arguing about what are the rules of wet day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Do you know what else is a thing you can say to each other on wet day? You can say. Because it. I think it. It's so perfect and it's a wonderful thing to say.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wonderful.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You say the word juice like David Schwimmer did in that OJ series.

[Scott Aukerman]

Choose.

[Ike Mink]

Choose.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You greet each other like that.

[Carolyn Parker]

Juice is fairly wet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, juice is wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's a little sticky.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It is stick. Look, not everything that's wet is sticky and not everything that's sticky is wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's a good point. Bubblegum. Sticky bubblegum.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's not wet, but when it's in your mouth, it's wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

If you're doing it right, you have.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Ike Mink]

If.

[Carolyn Parker]

If you put bubblegum in your mouth, it stays dry.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Take it out a couple minutes later, still dry. Go to the hospital. And also be careful because the grape Hubba Bubba has spider eggs in it.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes. Thank you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I heard this a long time ago and I assume it must still be true.

[Carolyn Parker]

You know, I bought approximately 10 boxes of girl Scout cookies, and apparently they all have metal shards in them or something.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is that new?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why did they start doing that?

[Carolyn Parker]

I don't know. Interesting group. The new thing for 2025. I don't know. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I wouldn't, I wouldn't. I wouldn't eat those.

[Carolyn Parker]

Hopefully. Hopefully it's going to rain on wet day. That is one of the best here in Los Angeles.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It has been kind of overcast, a little sprinkly.

[Carolyn Parker]

We are just praying for rain this wet day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. It's the only time I pray.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Other than when you're about to be hit by, like a semi truck.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, yeah. When my life is in danger, of course I pray.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And I very quickly say, I know I have a brave guy, but. And then I say, please spare me.

[Carolyn Parker]

Please spare me. And if you spare me, I'll do this, this and this. And then when you are spared.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Like, I was.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Like, he knew, but God knows I wasn't going to do any of those things. What is this? Game that God is playing with us.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. That these are the questions we ask on wet day. What is this game that God is playing with us?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's the foundational question of wet day. What game is God playing? He knows everything we're going to do and don't do, Right?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. It's all planned out in the future.

[Ike Mink]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Unless he sees the tributaries of realities of these are possibilities.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't think there are any.

[Carolyn Parker]

Like the multiverse.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. I don't think there are any. I think he has set it all out.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's all planned.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. There's no free will.

[Carolyn Parker]

There's absolutely no free will.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

He said that? Who's. Who told us that?

[Carolyn Parker]

He did.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Why am I going to believe him? This guy has a hell. He sends people there. If he doesn't. If you don't like him enough, you go to hell. That's crazy.

[Carolyn Parker]

If wet day happens on Sunday.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Do people go to church?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think you go straight to heaven.

[Carolyn Parker]

If it ever happens.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If wet day happens on Sunday, you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go to church, you go straight to heaven.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Just your shoes are left behind.

[Carolyn Parker]

I'm trying to think. Because it'll be on Friday next year.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Then 2027 will be on Saturday. 2028, it skips over to Monday, I believe, because of leap year.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wow. So maybe you're right. Maybe it's never occurred on a Sunday before.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is it possible?

[Ike Mink]

No.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

This is crazy.

[Carolyn Parker]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There's a second wet day on leap year.

[Carolyn Parker]

When would it be?

[Scott Aukerman]

On the 29th.

[Carolyn Parker]

On the 29th? I don't know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Is that too much?

[Carolyn Parker]

Is that too many wet days? I don't know.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Or is it a second wet day Eve?

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, we'll. We'll allow it to be a second wet day. Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Because look, Christmas Eve is fun. Wouldn't it be fun if there were two Christmas Eves that.

[Carolyn Parker]

When would you make it on. On December 23rd and 24th? Or would you make it November 1st? November 1st. Just another Christmas Eve?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, Thanksgiving is almost Christmas Eve.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Ike Mink]

You know what I mean?

[Carolyn Parker]

Well, it's too adjacent to Christmas. In my mind. It should be in July.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, we, of course, on freedom. We.

[Carolyn Parker]

We've all.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We planned out all the holidays.

[Carolyn Parker]

All the holidays. And I think we should be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I think we did a great job.

[Carolyn Parker]

There should only be one every month. Yeah. One holiday a month.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

And it should be on the first.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And there's some months that need one.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It should be the first of every month.

[Carolyn Parker]

The first of it. Because all these things of like what day is Thanksgiving this year? What day is Easter? No, it's always on the first.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Always on the first.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay. Because that's what New Year's Eve is.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

And it's not like you're going to be celebrating that on any other day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And we did have to get rid of election day, which is too bad.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yep. Too bad.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Because we couldn't.

[Scott Aukerman]

They wouldn't fit.

[Carolyn Parker]

And you must acquit if that happens.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

There are too many good holidays.

[Carolyn Parker]

So wet day will be our April holiday. Sorry, Easter.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Sorry, Easter. You were too boring.

[Carolyn Parker]

There is. I mean, what day is so much better than Easter? Easter. You have hiding eggs. Get the fuck out of here.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What if you don't have kids?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

What if you're not a kid and you don't have kids? You got nothing.

[Carolyn Parker]

You have nothing to church. But you can off. You can hide bottles of water.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes, you can.

[Carolyn Parker]

And you should dye them.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. You could die. Exactly. You put food coloring in water.

[Carolyn Parker]

Food coloring in water.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's gorgeous. That's fun.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's so much fun.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Anyway, I also want to say, I think on wet day, you can drink that blue stuff in the barbershop.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. The barbicide. Is that what they call it? Barbicide? Doesn't it sound like the barber's gonna murder you? It kills hair. You've become the victim of barberside. There should be a law and order Barbicide.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Life on the street.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's just a rash of barbers killing people every week, 22 times a year. Iced tea can come over. He can pour it over. He could be the new Munch.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Exactly. He could be the new Munch.

[Carolyn Parker]

I want a new Munch.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't think he would ever do that, though, Right? He would never. Ice.

[Carolyn Parker]

He would never betray his SVU family.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Iced tea. I don't. I can't see him saying, I'm going to replace Richard Beler as money Ice tea.

[Carolyn Parker]

We want to see you wet on wet day.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We sure do.

[Carolyn Parker]

If you can find a picture of iced tea wet. He's a guy who. I cannot imagine ever being wet. Like, anytime he's on that Law and Order show, he's probably dry as can be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

So if you can find a picture of iced tea actually wet, like stepping out of a pool or something.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Then send it to us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Stepping out of a pool. Or if there's a painting of iced tea, like the Venus on the half shell.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure. Or. Or a. Some sort of a statue like the David without any arms of iced tea wet.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And wet.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. Then please send it to us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If you've. If you have seen a statue of an armless iced tea who is soaking wet, please send that to us.

[Carolyn Parker]

So happy Wet Day to everyone.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We're here celebrating each and everyone from the tallest to the smallest.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's right. Although I would say the smallest and the tallest.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, like everybody in between.

[Carolyn Parker]

Everyone in between, but the smallest and the tallest.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

No, it's like, you don't get to celebrate kids from 1 to 92.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If you're a new. If you're a newborn.

[Carolyn Parker]

No, no. And if you're 93 off, you've had.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Plenty of time to celebrate.

[Carolyn Parker]

You've had enough. I bet you're sick of it.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

At this point, I'm gonna say for Wet Day, it should be for kids from 2 to 91.

[Carolyn Parker]

2 to 91. Okay, great.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah, great.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right. So if you're 92, don't celebrate white Day. We don't want you to get pneumonia. That we're looking out.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That's true. It seems cruel, but it's actually very kind.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's kind of us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Thank you.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's kind of us.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's kind of us. Yeah. This is kind of us.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm thinking us kind of.

[Carolyn Parker]

Well, happy Wet Day to you, sir.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

And happy what day to you, sir, Many Urkels.

[Carolyn Parker]

This is an incredible time to be spending with you. We have a wonderful show here on Comedy Bang Bang this week. I know, Paul, you have to go. But I have to leave immediately. Yeah, a little later. We have a pack for my tour, a couple of gentlemen, and then we have a receptionist also on the show. So this is a wonderful show. We're going to be celebrating here. Wish you could stay, but you can't. But when we come back, we'll have a couple of gentlemen and then a receptionist. We'll be right back with more Wet Day Comedy Bang Bang after this.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is an ad for Roundup for Lawns. It kills weeds down to the root.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Without harming your lawn.

[Scott Aukerman]

It works on crabgrass, dandelions, clover works.

[Carolyn Parker]

On weeds with names you can't even pronounce.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's Roundup for Lawns. When used as directed, always read and follow pesticide label directions.

[Carolyn Parker]

Hi.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

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[Carolyn Parker]

And decor all in one place. That's modern made for real life. Shop [e-mail]@t mobile.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

We'll give you four free 5G phones and four lines for only $25 per line per month with eligible trade ins. And no, it's not a contest. It's every day for a limited time. Everyone's a winner on America's largest 5G network. Minimum of 4 lines for $25 per line per month with auto paid discount using deposit bank account. $5 more per line without autopay. Up to $830 off each phone via 24 monthly bill credits plus taxes, fees and $10 device connection charge for well qualified customers. Contact us before canceling entire account to continue build credits or credit stop and balance on required finance agreement to bill.

[Carolyn Parker]

Credits end if you pay UP devices.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Early CT mobile.com.

[Carolyn Parker]

Comedy Bang Bang Wet Day Spectacular 4th Annual Wet Day Spectacular here. And unfortunately, Paul F. Tompkins had to go. Love him though. Love celebrating Wet Day with him. Even if it's just for a few moments. But let's get to our next guests. They are a couple of gentlemen I mentioned and they've been on the show a few times before and I believe on Wet Day a few times. Please welcome back to the show. I can spike mink salmon.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm gonna tell you this once.

[Spike Mink]

We're only gonna say it once.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're not gonna say this again. Stay away from our granddaughter.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay? This is the only time you're gonna say this.

[Spike Mink]

We. We promise you, okay?

[Carolyn Parker]

You're never gonna say it again.

[Scott Aukerman]

We swear. The last thing we're ever gonna say again is stay away from our granddaughter.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, so you're starting now. You're not gonna say this.

[Spike Mink]

We see your eyes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know what you want to do.

[Carolyn Parker]

I. Is she here?

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, look. You're forcing us to say it again.

[Spike Mink]

Stay away from our granddaughter. So wait, don't ask where she is.

[Carolyn Parker]

Don't ask where she is.

[Spike Mink]

Because then you'll walk over and you will not be.

[Carolyn Parker]

So it's a walkable distance.

[Spike Mink]

Staying away from our granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

So the last thing you want to do is wonder where she is. Because once you start wondering, you gotta start looking around.

[Spike Mink]

And if you spot her, we know you're gonna want to walk over. And you can't because you have to continue to stay away from our granddaughter.

[Carolyn Parker]

My question is, she's it's what? It's a walkable distance to get to her. You said, why bring her so close to me if you want her to stay away from me?

[Scott Aukerman]

What you're doing right now is you're skating on thin ice.

[Spike Mink]

You're counting your steps. How many steps am I from their granddaughter?

[Scott Aukerman]

You're looking at your Fitbit. You say, can I get 10,000 steps towards their granddaughter?

[Spike Mink]

Could I cross out some of my rings if I walk over to their granddaughter?

[Scott Aukerman]

Can I just put it in the dryer, turn it on, and make this Fitbit think that it walked around?

[Spike Mink]

Don't be tricking your Fitbit while you walk over to our granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's two things you remember. Number one, don't be tricking your Fitbit. Number two, stay away from our granddaughter. Last time going to say.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

All right.

[Carolyn Parker]

Can I ask a question? I'm, I, I, I get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

As long as the question isn't, where's your granddaughter?

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, I will not ask that. But I am supposed to stay away from your granddaughter. I don't even know your granddaughter. By the way, you've been on the show several times. I don't know who she is or why you want me to stay away from her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's keep it that way.

[Carolyn Parker]

But let's. Okay, I, I accept this. You want me to stay away from your granddaughter. Do you also want your granddaughter to stay away from me?

[Spike Mink]

Our granddaughter can go anywhere she wants.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's a little princess. We love her. We dote on her. She's the apple of our eye. She can do whatever she likes. You, it's a different story.

[Spike Mink]

You have to know who she is. Avoid her. If you see her run away, stay away.

[Carolyn Parker]

But, but if, but she could. She can approach me?

[Spike Mink]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay. I mean, so what's to stop?

[Scott Aukerman]

I were you, I wouldn't even think about her approaching you. That's the last thing you should have on your mind.

[Spike Mink]

If she's the one in control, that's okay. But as soon as you switch the tables and you become in control and approach her, you're gonna be skating on thin ice.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, so, so as long as she's in control, all gas, no brakes. Yes. Then, then she can, like, say, I'm just sitting here and I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and there's what you're.

[Spike Mink]

Doing to bring her over.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are you sitting there where she was?

[Carolyn Parker]

But say, I'm sitting here, which, this is my personal property. This is. And she's.

[Spike Mink]

What if she likes computers or sound equipment? You are entrapping.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if she's lost and she wanders in here?

[Carolyn Parker]

I have. I have not put anything out on the Internet. I want to make that very plain. I've not put anything out on the Internet of like, hey, come by my house or anything like that. I don't even. How old is your granddaughter?

[Spike Mink]

Do you occasionally put stuff out on the Internet that says come by my house? Are you talking about an email or just sort of a post?

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you talking about an Evite?

[Spike Mink]

Come by my house.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sometimes I will send an Evite out.

[Spike Mink]

Is there a specific occasion? Like your birthday party?

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure. Yeah. Say it's my birthday.

[Spike Mink]

Come by my house on my birthday party.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. Is that okay?

[Spike Mink]

Not to our granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

You better not send to her grand.

[Carolyn Parker]

What's her email address? So I make sure I cross that off the list.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, let's get one thing straight. As far as you're concerned, our granddaughter has no Internet presence whatsoever.

[Spike Mink]

We just had to switch her over to a different email. She was getting too much mail.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't even think about emailing our granddaughter.

[Carolyn Parker]

What was the original email address that you had to. Why was. And why was she getting so much granddaughter?

[Spike Mink]

Gmail.

[Scott Aukerman]

And now it's our granddaughter one at Gmail.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, I won't email her then.

[Spike Mink]

We're gonna have to make a new address. We shouldn't have said it. You know which way I want to go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think I do.

[Spike Mink]

You know the number, and it's not.

[Scott Aukerman]

That far away from the first number we picked.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's probably two.

[Spike Mink]

Don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't even speculate on the new email address for our granddaughter.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay. Okay. I. I don't know who your granddaughter. How old is she?

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's keep it that way.

[Spike Mink]

Let's keep it that way. She's not saying her age. It's rude to our granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's still a little lady.

[Spike Mink]

You don't ask how old somebody's granddaughter is. It's rude.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's granddaughter age.

[Carolyn Parker]

You know, you guys are old men. Yes, you.

[Scott Aukerman]

And if you want to become one, you'll stay away from our granddaughter.

[Spike Mink]

You want to be old? You want to keep inviting up people over to your house, stopping by for your birthday? Stay away from our granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want to keep having a birthday to celebrate? Stay away from our granddaughter.

[Carolyn Parker]

Is there a way. Could you. Could you make me age a number, but just keep my young appearance? Is there a way to do that?

[Spike Mink]

Looks like nothing but a number.

[Scott Aukerman]

That ship is already sailed.

[Carolyn Parker]

I'm saying from here on in, I mean, like, can I become immortal if I stay away from your ground cost foul? Lucy, you don't have any Super. Yeah. Wow. That's a new wrinkle.

[Scott Aukerman]

Got it.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. You guys don't have any supernatural powers or anything like that?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, no, not that we know of.

[Carolyn Parker]

Have you tried everything, though?

[Spike Mink]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

You've waved your hands at a tree to see if you can curse it or anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Trying to get cursed by a witch.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yep.

[Spike Mink]

I almost drowned trying to be Aquaman.

[Carolyn Parker]

What did you want to be Aquaman for? I mean, the Jason Momoa version.

[Spike Mink]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

He looks cool.

[Spike Mink]

He's awesome.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wanted to be the Flash. Then that guy got cancer.

[Carolyn Parker]

And then you no longer want to be the Flash.

[Scott Aukerman]

He ruined it. For now. I walk as slow as I can.

[Spike Mink]

He is very fast. But the next.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's why he was cast.

[Spike Mink]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes. Because he actually has the powers of the Flash. They were like. We could save probably $80 million on the budget.

[Spike Mink]

So cheap.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wanted to be Batman. Now I'm just a vampire.

[Carolyn Parker]

What can I ask? Like, do you guys still work? Are you retired or.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're in security.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay. Security. So, like, private security?

[Scott Aukerman]

Private security.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, but like, how private? Can you tell me who it's for or.

[Spike Mink]

It's for our granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. We're hired by our granddaughter to keep her safe. And keep her safe we will. That is our number one job and the only job.

[Spike Mink]

And she runs a tight ship.

[Scott Aukerman]

Both of us have been docked four months. Pain.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, no. The same four months.

[Spike Mink]

Yes. We had workplace problems. We couldn't do our job sufficiently. People were approaching our granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

She brought this up to hr. She is a job. It was an open and shut case.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, no. So you. You. Too many people were approaching the grass. Where was it? Was this in a crowded place or.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Mojave Desert?

[Carolyn Parker]

So in the middle of nowhere, people are approaching your granddaughter?

[Spike Mink]

We had that on our side. Very empty place. Very easy. Should have been easy.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then these two guys in the most elaborate camel costume I've ever seen approached our grand.

[Carolyn Parker]

How elaborate are we talking? Because you've seen. We talked off Mike about this. You've seen some elaborate camel costumes, but this is the most elaborate one.

[Scott Aukerman]

I didn't think this would come up again, but it was the most realistic camel costume I've ever seen.

[Spike Mink]

Two legs up front. Human. Two legs out back, Human. But very well done. Two humps. The heads. Their heads.

[Carolyn Parker]

Dromedary.

[Spike Mink]

Yep. Amazing head.

[Scott Aukerman]

Big cat neck. Spit. Right. Enough faces.

[Carolyn Parker]

How did they. How did they get that?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know, because their head.

[Carolyn Parker]

Their head is in the. The humps. How did the spit come out of. It was like pre planned, like a.

[Spike Mink]

We don't know. But we rode that camel around for having a blast. Taking turns.

[Scott Aukerman]

It seemed like it was fun for the guys too. They never complained.

[Spike Mink]

We heard people inside of the camel skin being like, this is fine. We're having a good time. And that should have. And that's what was brought up in the HR meeting. We should have known, because to ride.

[Scott Aukerman]

The camel, that meant only one of us was watching our granddaughter at a time.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, because one of you would ride at one point and then one would watch the granddaughter, and that is when other people came in. So was the camel a distraction, like a. A decoy in order to get you guys away from.

[Scott Aukerman]

Turns out, yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then our granddaughter was approached by a genie.

[Carolyn Parker]

I mean, great. Seems like that would be something you'd want. I mean, it would. Did the genie grant her three wishes?

[Scott Aukerman]

It wasn't one of the wish cheaters?

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, no.

[Spike Mink]

Just a regular genie.

[Carolyn Parker]

Like genie bus.

[Spike Mink]

Very similar to the president of the Lakers.

[Carolyn Parker]

Why do you know that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Why wouldn't we know that?

[Spike Mink]

We're in the world. Come on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everybody knows. You know who doesn't know it? Our grand.

[Spike Mink]

Our granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't tell our granddaughter about genie.

[Spike Mink]

Because then she'll want to go to a game. And there's a lot of people at these games.

[Carolyn Parker]

Too many people. Yeah. So you. So she has hired you. This was not your idea. She has hired you with her inheritance, I guess, in order to keep people away from her. So this is all her idea?

[Spike Mink]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

First, we were doing it pro bono. She liked the job we were doing. She said, let's make this a permanent thing.

[Carolyn Parker]

We get Benny's benefits or.

[Scott Aukerman]

We gotta stay alert.

[Spike Mink]

We're wide awake right now.

[Carolyn Parker]

I hope so.

[Spike Mink]

Eyes are peeled.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't be fooled.

[Carolyn Parker]

Why?

[Scott Aukerman]

I know we look like a couple turtles, but we're swift and we're alert.

[Carolyn Parker]

Why do you guys come by here to warn me? I feel like I've been getting too close to her or something.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe you don't understand, man. The reason we come here is to tell you stay away from our granddaughter. It makes more sense to tell you far away from her than close to her.

[Carolyn Parker]

So do you go to every podcast? Like, do you go to Smart Lists and tell those guys?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

And how is that?

[Scott Aukerman]

They haven't come near our granddaughter.

[Spike Mink]

They respect us, okay?

[Carolyn Parker]

So they. I am.

[Scott Aukerman]

And if we. If they respect us, we respect them.

[Spike Mink]

We also Go there to promote projects like, occasionally.

[Carolyn Parker]

What do you have? What do you have on the horizon?

[Scott Aukerman]

We're releasing a line of dolls.

[Carolyn Parker]

A line of dolls.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Spike Mink]

Granddaughter decoys.

[Scott Aukerman]

Grand decoys, we call.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, so some gds. And what are these are basically say.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get close to our grand decoys.

[Carolyn Parker]

These are. These are dolls you can leave around the park.

[Spike Mink]

And everybody wants to get close to a granddaughter. So you can buy a granddaugh grand decoy to let it out on that grand decoy. All that granddaughter tracking that you want to do, you can do it on the grand.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is your outlet.

[Spike Mink]

You can circle it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You pull a string. It says, get near me.

[Carolyn Parker]

Presumably, you already are near.

[Spike Mink]

And it also says, there's a snake in my boot.

[Carolyn Parker]

Why?

[Scott Aukerman]

And math is hard.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay. I mean, this sounds great. When. When's this coming to market? What's the msrp? You guys? What stage are you. Are you in the prototype stage? Have you even built one of these things, let alone figured out how to mass produce them? Hey, you guys are not ready.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hold on.

[Carolyn Parker]

You should not have gone on Smart List to talk about this on a podcast. You haven't even made one of them.

[Spike Mink]

You're right. Listen, we were trying out the idea first.

[Carolyn Parker]

We.

[Spike Mink]

We're. We're seeing if there's interest, and then we're going to reverse engineer the actual.

[Scott Aukerman]

Product first from the design of the packaging.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, in your mind, in your mind, what is the packaging look like?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a box with cellophane in the front.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can see the grand cellophane.

[Carolyn Parker]

Like.

[Spike Mink]

Like Barbie or. Or it's tin foil. And it suction to it, kind of like a bunny.

[Carolyn Parker]

Like a chocolate bunny.

[Spike Mink]

Like a chocolate bunny at Easter.

[Carolyn Parker]

So that you can't. You can't see what it looks like. Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, this is this shape, and drawn on the foil is what it looks like on the inside, but it's.

[Spike Mink]

Clearly a little bit wrong because of the foil.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Right. And when you open it up, it kind of doesn't look like the foil at all.

[Spike Mink]

It actually looks worse than the foil.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like when Reese's does a variation on the peanut butter cup for holidays. On the outside, it looks like the shape. On the inside, it just looks very unfortunate.

[Carolyn Parker]

I think you're better off with the cellophane packaging, honestly. Guys, wait. If you already made the boxes, you've already bought a bunch of tin foil. Is that what I'm getting?

[Spike Mink]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, that's too much foil.

[Scott Aukerman]

How much is the Surplus of foil. We have 60,000 yards of foil.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's too many yards.

[Spike Mink]

We started with the foil, and then we came up with grand decoy.

[Carolyn Parker]

Why did you buy that much foil in the first place?

[Scott Aukerman]

We came into an inheritance.

[Carolyn Parker]

Someone's older than you?

[Spike Mink]

Our sisters were being protected.

[Carolyn Parker]

The mink salmon sisters.

[Spike Mink]

By our grandfather.

[Carolyn Parker]

Your sisters were being protected by your grandfather. And then who died to give you the inheritance?

[Scott Aukerman]

Both of them.

[Carolyn Parker]

Both of the sisters or everyone involved?

[Spike Mink]

Absolutely everybody.

[Scott Aukerman]

Our grandfather warned us, stay away from my granddaughter.

[Carolyn Parker]

Your sister, Our sisters.

[Spike Mink]

So we distance ourselves. Of course. We wanted to stay near our sisters.

[Scott Aukerman]

They were our favorite people in the world.

[Carolyn Parker]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

We grew up together.

[Spike Mink]

So we bought a bunch of foil.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay. And.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we didn't know what else to do. We were emotionally bereft. We really made an impulse purchase.

[Spike Mink]

Yeah, we were targeted. We got sold it. Somebody was needing to offload a bunch of foil. And we liked that one. Sh.

[Carolyn Parker]

Side.

[Spike Mink]

Side was shiny. And one shy, one shine was not.

[Carolyn Parker]

So this gave you some sort of comfort in the fact that you were estranged from your sisters?

[Scott Aukerman]

Very briefly. Yes. Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

And. But you said you bought it because of the inheritance, so. So how did your grandfather and your sisters perish, if you don't mind me asking?

[Scott Aukerman]

My. Our. It. It's hard to talk about.

[Spike Mink]

Is this tough for us?

[Scott Aukerman]

Our grandfather was so dead set on no one getting near his granddaughters, our sisters, that he installed a bunch of booby traps in their house.

[Carolyn Parker]

Home alone style.

[Spike Mink]

No, no, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

Worse.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, no. What's worse than home alone style?

[Scott Aukerman]

Langley brothers style.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

They all got caught in their own booby traps.

[Carolyn Parker]

No. And died of boredom because they were so boring. The booby traps.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. They were trapped. And they had nothing to do.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, I see. Okay. So they had plenty of food and water.

[Scott Aukerman]

They couldn't reach the remote.

[Carolyn Parker]

Really? So they had. They were right next to a tap. They had scores of food. Just cans.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scores of food. Yards and yards of food.

[Spike Mink]

So much food.

[Carolyn Parker]

But. But wasn't near the remote. So they died of boredom.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Spike Mink]

They were so close to so many different types of distractions, but they couldn't reach them.

[Scott Aukerman]

They had tons of coloring books just out of reach.

[Carolyn Parker]

Why did they have so many coloring books?

[Scott Aukerman]

What's wrong with coloring books?

[Carolyn Parker]

Absolutely nothing, sir.

[Scott Aukerman]

There we go. Aston and answered.

[Spike Mink]

That's what our granddaughter loves.

[Carolyn Parker]

Your. Your granddaughter loves coloring books. Hey.

[Spike Mink]

Hey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are you talking about our granddaughter?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah, I mean, Mike or. Or Ike or Spike or whichever one you are. You brought it up.

[Spike Mink]

I brought it up.

[Carolyn Parker]

Which One. Are you.

[Scott Aukerman]

And now I'm putting it down.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, I, I apologize.

[Spike Mink]

You bit. That's what I'm talking about. And that's why you need a grand decoy. A grand decoy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Grandicle boy.

[Carolyn Parker]

I, I, I, I got. How much do these run for?

[Spike Mink]

Yeah, we got one for you right now. Oh, msrp.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's a lot of.

[Scott Aukerman]

We know what it means.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. Okay.

[Spike Mink]

$34,998.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's more than a midsize sedan.

[Spike Mink]

Let me take the foil off of it.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay.

[Spike Mink]

And show you.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right.

[Spike Mink]

Because we know you want to ask questions.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure. I'd like to see it without.

[Spike Mink]

Talk to them about their coloring books.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure, sure. Why are there so many layers of foil?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because we have a lot of foil.

[Spike Mink]

We have so much. This.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's obviously.

[Spike Mink]

This shide is shiny.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's obviously way smaller than what you're advertising it as, because there are approximately.

[Scott Aukerman]

We never said anything.

[Carolyn Parker]

Ten layers of foil.

[Spike Mink]

We never talked about the size on Smartless.

[Carolyn Parker]

What did you talk about on Smart List?

[Scott Aukerman]

We talked about John Hayes is Broadway. That's right.

[Carolyn Parker]

Shouldn't he talk about that? Why would you be.

[Scott Aukerman]

Foods we can't have in the house. So we eat all of them immediately.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's, of course, Jason Bateman's line of interest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Being wealthy.

[Spike Mink]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

All the three of them. Okay, got it. Well, look. Okay, so now you've just peeled back the 11th layer of foil. I can see the doll now. The grand decoy.

[Scott Aukerman]

And grand dec. Decoy is spelled the three for the E and a zero with a line through it. Like what?

[Carolyn Parker]

Like, do you know who Megan is? You guys should check out Megan. I mean, it's.

[Spike Mink]

Is that someone's granddaughter? Because we won't.

[Scott Aukerman]

We won't listen to it. Listen to us.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

We won't go near anybody's granddaughter.

[Ike Mink]

Yeah.

[Spike Mink]

So anyone you're tricking us into going next to somebody's granddaughter named Megan, we're not going to do it.

[Carolyn Parker]

I so anyone who is a granddaughter, you pledge to never even be near them.

[Spike Mink]

We pledge.

[Scott Aukerman]

We went.

[Spike Mink]

We pledge of granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

And we pledge a granddaughter. We took the granddaughter's pledge.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right, so here's the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's recite it right now.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, okay. Yeah, I'd love to hear it.

[Spike Mink]

I. I pledge pledge allegiance.

[Scott Aukerman]

Allegiance to my granddaughter. I shall have no other granddaughters before me. If you are a granddaughter. I Back in a way. One, two, three steps at least.

[Spike Mink]

Because being near any granddaughter other than.

[Scott Aukerman]

My own is a sin. And God shall cast me into a lake of fire.

[Spike Mink]

Amen.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wow. That's the granddaughter oath, dude.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did we behave?

[Carolyn Parker]

You. What did you say?

[Scott Aukerman]

Did we study?

[Spike Mink]

I stuttered when I said.

[Carolyn Parker]

Did we stutter?

[Scott Aukerman]

Answer the question.

[Spike Mink]

Did we say it?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes, you did, actually. Right then.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did we sway?

[Carolyn Parker]

Well.

[Spike Mink]

Unfortunately, we stuttered when I said that.

[Carolyn Parker]

That kind of lessens the impact of the. Did we stutter?

[Spike Mink]

I put my finger out and pointed. You tried to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, you want to be ableist, do it away from our grand.

[Spike Mink]

Exactly.

[Carolyn Parker]

I'll do it wherever I want as long as it's not around your grand.

[Spike Mink]

Be ableist anywhere.

[Scott Aukerman]

B. Ableist. D. Don't.

[Spike Mink]

C. Come granddaughter.

[Carolyn Parker]

So B. A, B, C. Yeah. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Always remember B. A, B, C. B, A, C. Come here.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay.

[Spike Mink]

D. Any.

[Carolyn Parker]

No, it was C. Come near. Don't. Yes.

[Spike Mink]

You know this. We've been over this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, we've been over a thousand.

[Spike Mink]

Oh, my God. Look at that camel.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the most elaborate one I've ever seen.

[Spike Mink]

Oh, my God. I want to rush ride.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's got a little fizz on.

[Spike Mink]

Better not.

[Carolyn Parker]

Well, tell you what, why don't we take a break? You guys can go hop on the camel for a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. During the break.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Carolyn Parker]

I swear.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

We'll. We'll take a break. Can you guys stick around? We have a receptionist coming. Yes. In our next segment.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this is very exciting, we'll meet anyone who stays away from our grand.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right, we're gonna come right back with more Ike and spike mink salmon plus a receptionist. Happy wet day, everyone. We'll be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after this. Tired of listening to the same old playlists or podcasts over and over? Maybe it's time to mix things up. Try something new. Hit explore. Avoid the blah and the boring before.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You even put your headphones in.

[Carolyn Parker]

Add some fun in the mix. Say yabba dabba doo to a bowl of pebble cereal. And enjoy by the spoonful, fruity and cocoa pebble cereal. Les blah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

More yabba dabba doo.

[Carolyn Parker]

Head to your nearest grocery store to buy pebble cereal today.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The Flintstones and all related characters and elements copyright and trademark Hanna Barbera.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you love your phone but not.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Your carrier, just switch to T Mobile. You can keep your phone, keep your number and we'll help pay it off up to $800 per line. You can also use our savings calculator to compare our plans and streaming benefits against Verizon and AT T. So switch and keep your phone, keep your number and keep more of Your moolah@t mobile.com up to 4 lines via virtual prepaid card. Allow 15 days qualifying unlock device, credit service port in 90 plus days with device into eligible carrier and timely redemption. Required card has no cash access and.

[Carolyn Parker]

Expires in six months. At Ameca Insurance, we know it's more than just a car.

[Spike Mink]

It's the two door couple that was.

[Carolyn Parker]

There for your first drive.

[Spike Mink]

The hatchback that took you cross country.

[Carolyn Parker]

And back and the minivan that tackles.

[Spike Mink]

The weekly carpool for the cars you couldn't live without.

[Carolyn Parker]

Trust Ameca auto insurance.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ameca empathy is our best policy.

[Carolyn Parker]

Comedy bang, bang. We're back. Scott Aukerman here. We also have Ike and Spike Mink salmon. Now, during the break, during the break, you guys hopped on that. You thought it was a camel. What? But what did it turn out to be?

[Scott Aukerman]

Actually, it turned out to be one guy with a mannequin.

[Carolyn Parker]

Was it a mannequin? At least that came to life like that movie series?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, just regular store mannequin dragging the back legs.

[Spike Mink]

Didn't make any sense. And we fell for it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very hard to ride.

[Carolyn Parker]

But you guys did it.

[Spike Mink]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

It wasn't fun.

[Spike Mink]

No.

[Carolyn Parker]

And you didn't hear anyone underneath you saying, this is fun. I'm enjoying this?

[Scott Aukerman]

No. We heard someone saying, hey, why are you doing anything?

[Spike Mink]

He was clearly tricked. The second camel guy bailed and put a mannequin there and tricked the guy up front and said, I'll be right behind you.

[Carolyn Parker]

You.

[Spike Mink]

But it was clear once he was riding us that he didn't have a part.

[Carolyn Parker]

He was writing you. Yes. So you got switched at a certain point and a mannequin was on top of you.

[Spike Mink]

A mannequin and a man was riding us inside of the camel costume.

[Scott Aukerman]

The mannequin had the reins and it didn't go well.

[Carolyn Parker]

Well, this all happened during the break. I'm sorry we weren't recording during it, but a lot of fun.

[Spike Mink]

A lot of fun. A lot of.

[Scott Aukerman]

A lot of fun.

[Carolyn Parker]

Even though I know you said you didn't have fun. No.

[Spike Mink]

But now we decided it was fun.

[Carolyn Parker]

Now that nostalgia is set in, we.

[Scott Aukerman]

Had some time to think about it. Turns out we had a good time.

[Spike Mink]

Sometimes when things are hard, in retrospect, you think they were fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

You get perspective with distance, the kind of distance you need to maintain from.

[Carolyn Parker]

I promise I'm not going to be around your granddaughter. I don't think I've ever even been in the same. Same general vicinity as your granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Promises kept.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right, great.

[Spike Mink]

You're Alive. Right.

[Carolyn Parker]

I. I mean, is. Is that. But you've been threatening me.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you're alive, you haven't gotten close enough to our grandma.

[Spike Mink]

You'll know. You'll know.

[Scott Aukerman]

You'll know when you wake up dead.

[Carolyn Parker]

So wait a minute. Your granddaughter might be in, like, a funeral home or a graveyard or something because that's where all the dead people are.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yes.

[Spike Mink]

It looks like. Like hurt that because people go down when they're nearer, it inevitably turns into a graveyard or funeral home type of situation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You'll find yourself in a Transylvania trench coat.

[Carolyn Parker]

What is that again? Like cement shoes? Coffin. Oh, a Transylvania.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's always a golf. Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

Got it, got it, got it, got it. Okay. And that's because that was. That's a phrase from back when.

[Scott Aukerman]

When.

[Carolyn Parker]

Dracula days, I guess.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who's Dracula?

[Carolyn Parker]

You don't know who Dracula or Megan is?

[Spike Mink]

Whose granddaughter's name? Dracula. That's a beautiful name for a granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's beautiful. Dracula.

[Carolyn Parker]

What is your granddaughter's name?

[Spike Mink]

Don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

The last thing.

[Carolyn Parker]

Don't. The last thing.

[Spike Mink]

Don't. The last thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you want.

[Carolyn Parker]

I.

[Spike Mink]

If I was you.

[Carolyn Parker]

You guys are glitching like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Megan, what you doing right now?

[Spike Mink]

Don't.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay. All right. I don't want to know anything about. I. I had no interest in your granddaughter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Keep it that way.

[Carolyn Parker]

Before you came on the show. I have no. I have certainly less interest now.

[Spike Mink]

Forget everything you know about our granddaughter. Right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Forget everything you heard. Word.

[Spike Mink]

Snap your fingers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get amnesia.

[Spike Mink]

Yes. Whatever it takes. Fall down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get hypnotized.

[Spike Mink]

Anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Eternal sunshine yourself.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure, sure. Whatever.

[Spike Mink]

In black. Men in Black mineralizer. Yes. Do it. Look for it. Buy it. Get it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Enjoy it.

[Carolyn Parker]

Get it.

[Spike Mink]

Love it. You're gonna love the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Take care of it. You're gonna love the way. From our granddaughter.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right. Well, Mike. And I'm sorry. I can spike her here. And let's get to our next guest. She's a receptionist. Please welcome to the show. For the first time.

[Ike Mink]

I have September.

[Carolyn Parker]

Please Welcome.

[Ike Mink]

I have September 3rd at noon.

[Carolyn Parker]

Please welcome. Carolyn Parker is here.

[Ike Mink]

If you're willing to do it on your lunch break.

[Carolyn Parker]

Carolyn.

[Ike Mink]

Now, I understand lunch can be hard, too. I love to. I have had macaroni and mayonnaise this morning for my lunch, and I know I wanted. I wanted that for mine. So if lunch is not good, I can do 1pm Carolyn.

[Carolyn Parker]

Well, Carolyn Parker is here.

[Ike Mink]

Carolyn, that's fine. Hold on. Excuse me.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sorry.

[Ike Mink]

Yes. So 1:00pm on September 3rd. We'll see you with Dr. Beecher. Dr. Beecher will see you then. No, I, I, I will. I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you too. Please tell the boys I said hi. I know they like. They still love sledding. They love sledding. She really no the Patience Snow sledding. They love that care didn't sledding. Okay, well tell them I said hi and don't. And remember they can have sweets. You just gotta brush. You don't have to brush all you teeth, just the ones you want to keep. Okay, Dustin, see you then. I'm so sorry.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's quite all right. You're apparent. You're. You're a receptionist. So you.

[Ike Mink]

I'm a receptionist.

[Carolyn Parker]

You're in the middle of.

[Ike Mink]

I'm a receptionist for Tombs and Beach Dentistry over in Burbank.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, okay.

[Ike Mink]

How are you and how are you?

[Carolyn Parker]

I. I'm great. Scott Aukerman, the host of the show. Welcome to the show. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang and thank.

[Ike Mink]

You for having me.

[Carolyn Parker]

This is Ike and Spike.

[Ike Mink]

Thank you. Hi. Hello.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hello.

[Ike Mink]

Hi. I can spice.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the name of your dentist office?

[Ike Mink]

It's Tombs and Beach Dentistry and we do full service and we. Once you're a client.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you see our granddaughter and you beat you you're gonna end up in a tune.

[Ike Mink]

Oh well, he. I'll tell you this. Every. All. All children. How old is your granddaughter?

[Scott Aukerman]

Granddaughter age.

[Ike Mink]

Granddaughter. Yeah. So she would need. She's probably just losing. Just losing molars. Has she lost her molars?

[Scott Aukerman]

She's only lost molars.

[Ike Mink]

Everything else is intact.

[Spike Mink]

She's got most of her fronts and she's lost only molars. But don't get nearer. Can you, can you give her. Can you help her teeth without getting near.

[Ike Mink]

Of course. I'd love to have her come in and meet Dr. Beecher.

[Scott Aukerman]

I will send you the teeth.

[Ike Mink]

I primarily walk.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. Do you ever do that where people mail in their teeth and they. And then the dentist works on them and sends them back?

[Ike Mink]

Of course we do. Of course we do. We're full service. We're full service dentistry. So somebody. Some people will ups their. Their teeth into us and we will work on them and then we'll send them back.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about DHL Express?

[Ike Mink]

Oh, we actually I was wrong and I. Forgive me. We only use DHL Express.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's good news.

[Spike Mink]

Good.

[Carolyn Parker]

Do you. Is that what you guys use or.

[Ike Mink]

No, no, that's fine.

[Carolyn Parker]

But you've been looking to start an account.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. We're waiting to see if we like.

[Spike Mink]

The Yellow and the red.

[Ike Mink]

The yellow and ketchup and mustard and your gr. What grade is your wonderful. And I have to assume. She's just gorgeous.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's the light of our lives.

[Ike Mink]

Oh, I love that. I love that. She's just gorgeous.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're asking a lot of questions about our granddaughter.

[Ike Mink]

Oh, I. I think that's so wonderful. Two grandfathers. Two grandfathers that just.

[Spike Mink]

You get too close to us.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, are there rules about being close to you, too?

[Scott Aukerman]

You're gonna get hurt emotionally if you get too close to us.

[Spike Mink]

We're gonna avoid an attachment style.

[Ike Mink]

I think you're both very attractive.

[Scott Aukerman]

We know. Know.

[Spike Mink]

We know. Well, I hit on constantly.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's really our curse.

[Ike Mink]

Well, a nail knows it needs to be pounded, but you still have to slam it with a hammer.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Oh, my God.

[Ike Mink]

Right? Am I right?

[Spike Mink]

Now you're saying we know we need.

[Ike Mink]

To be pounded with a hammer, but sometimes a hammer is just a nice thing. You say you're nasty.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're nasty.

[Ike Mink]

I listen. I've lived a life.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dirty lady. Lady.

[Ike Mink]

I've lived a life, and now I'm behind a counter and I help people have their teeth cleaned. But trust me, I've lived my life.

[Carolyn Parker]

Really? What. What did you do before you were a receptionist at Tombs and.

[Ike Mink]

Well, no, I've been as. I've worked behind the. The counter for a long time, but I've lived my life, if that makes sense. I've gone. I go out. I still go out.

[Carolyn Parker]

Really? What do you do for fun?

[Ike Mink]

I'll go out and it have. Do you know the drink? The Manhattan?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah, It's. It's named after that city in New York.

[Ike Mink]

Right? After the. The great island of New York City.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure.

[Ike Mink]

I will have. I'll have seven or eight of those in a half hour.

[Carolyn Parker]

In a half hour. That's too many.

[Ike Mink]

Well, I won't drink them all at once.

[Carolyn Parker]

No, no, Sequentially, even. That's too much. Too many, I would say. Right.

[Ike Mink]

Over a half hour.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah, I mean, I. I would. I would feel better if you were to pour all of those into one giant big Gul cup. Oh, well. And, like, just sip it over the. Over a few hours.

[Ike Mink]

It's nice to know you care about me.

[Scott Aukerman]

One time I saw this comedy show where a guy drank four pints of Guinness in a half hour. And I think that was a big mistake.

[Carolyn Parker]

I saw that. Yeah. Has he ever recovered from that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Shouldn't have done that, I think.

[Ike Mink]

I think, actually, I watched that once.

[Carolyn Parker]

Are you all right, Carolyn? What's going on?

[Ike Mink]

Hold on. I have a frog in my throat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't cough on our granddaughter.

[Spike Mink]

Be careful.

[Carolyn Parker]

Can the dentist help with that?

[Ike Mink]

I have a frog in my throat. Hold on a second.

[Carolyn Parker]

I think you probably got it at this point. Okay.

[Ike Mink]

Oh, God. So one of the things I'm doing here today is to find out what your tooth health is.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, sure. How do you. How is there a quiz we can take? Or, or do you need us to open up our mouths and you take, shorten it.

[Ike Mink]

Do you know one of the things.

[Scott Aukerman]

They shortened tooth health to tooth.

[Ike Mink]

Well, that's a great idea. I could bring you on with Dr. Beach and maybe have you talk to him a little bit about that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Make sure it's on the phone because we don't want him near our granddaughter.

[Ike Mink]

He's not going to come near your granddaughter. I promise you.

[Spike Mink]

That's what all the dentists say.

[Ike Mink]

They wear masks and then all of.

[Spike Mink]

A sudden they're putting that little thing on with the chain on our granddaughter and we're having to get crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'd like to dig your word for it, but we've been burned too many times.

[Ike Mink]

Wait a minute. What did you say? They put the what on?

[Spike Mink]

The little napkin with the chain.

[Scott Aukerman]

The little napkin with the chain.

[Carolyn Parker]

You work in a dentist office. You must see these all the time.

[Ike Mink]

I've never been. I've never been.

[Carolyn Parker]

You've never been back behind into the office.

[Ike Mink]

Never had a checkup in my life. Life.

[Spike Mink]

That explains. It's not a frog in your throat. I think it's one of your teeth. I think you just coughed out a tooth.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought you had dyed your teeth, but it turns out it's just the plaque.

[Carolyn Parker]

You, you thought she had dyed her teeth black?

[Ike Mink]

Do you know how hard. Do you know how hard it is?

[Spike Mink]

How hard to not have teeth and eat?

[Ike Mink]

No, that's easy. Easy. That's easy. You just have to pick the right foods. And that's one part of wet day.

[Carolyn Parker]

Soup is the, is the meal.

[Ike Mink]

I love soup. Cold soups. Hot soups.

[Carolyn Parker]

Warm between.

[Ike Mink]

Yeah, warm soups.

[Carolyn Parker]

Sure.

[Ike Mink]

That's in between.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's your favorite warm soup?

[Ike Mink]

Minestrone.

[Carolyn Parker]

Minestrone.

[Ike Mink]

I love a warm. A warm minestrone.

[Carolyn Parker]

That must be difficult for you to eat, though, because you have no teeth.

[Ike Mink]

Why is that? Because of the beans.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah. And the little bits of pasta and.

[Ike Mink]

The beans are little. You said it yourself. They're just little. They're little bits.

[Carolyn Parker]

I, I, you know, I worry about you. My friend Henry Heimlich might need to come visit you at some point in order to.

[Ike Mink]

Oh, to get the tooth. The tooth and the beans out of my throat. No, I.

[Carolyn Parker]

Teeth and beans in your throat right now.

[Ike Mink]

You just sat here and you witnessed me handle that situation with grace. I thought.

[Carolyn Parker]

And aplomb. Mom. Yeah.

[Ike Mink]

Thank you. Yeah, I'm fine.

[Carolyn Parker]

How are you going to check our tooth health?

[Ike Mink]

Okay, so one of the. The One of the ways we check tooth health is by the stink of your breath. Do you guys know how your breaths.

[Carolyn Parker]

What's the scale? What on the scale of what to what?

[Ike Mink]

Well, I would say number one is beautiful breath. They call it the horse's whisper.

[Spike Mink]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why?

[Ike Mink]

Well, I didn't come up with it. But the horse.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were never curious?

[Ike Mink]

I, I. Well, I've learned.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was my first question.

[Ike Mink]

Dr. Beecher does not allow me to ask a lot of questions.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about Dr. Too.

[Ike Mink]

He's very. He allows curiosity all day long.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe you should ask him why you're staying away from our granddaughter.

[Ike Mink]

It's a great idea. I will ask him. In fact, fact, I'll call him right now. Let me call him right.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, yeah. Do you. Do you want to put it on the. On the speaker? Yeah. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Put it on the glass.

[Carolyn Parker]

I'll call Dr. You know, sir mix a lot.

[Ike Mink]

Dr.

[Scott Aukerman]

He away from our grid.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, he did? What a nice.

[Spike Mink]

Be careful.

[Ike Mink]

Excuse me. Is this Dr. Tomb?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hi, Girly.

[Ike Mink]

Hi.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very unprofessional.

[Ike Mink]

My. That's my nickname is Girly. Everybody around the office calls me Girly.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, okay.

[Ike Mink]

I know. Yeah. Why are you telling me that, Dr. Tomb? Why did they call? No, I'm sorry. I'm talking with some other people right now. I'm working. I'm working remotely today. Dr. Tomb.

[Carolyn Parker]

Maybe there's two Dr. Tombs.

[Ike Mink]

Go for it. I'm not abusing it. You know I wouldn't do that. Do you know why they call Good Breath Breath the. The Horse's whisper?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes.

[Ike Mink]

Okay. Thank you.

[Spike Mink]

Thank you.

[Ike Mink]

Okay.

[Spike Mink]

No, you were supposed to ask why not if he knew.

[Ike Mink]

I'll call him back. I didn't. You never said that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, we never said that.

[Spike Mink]

You said, and I feel like you're stinky.

[Ike Mink]

Hi, Curly.

[Spike Mink]

Don't respond to that.

[Ike Mink]

Hi. Hi, it's girly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stand up for yourself.

[Ike Mink]

Hey, I meant to ask. I didn't clarify. Why is it that they call Good Breath the Horse's whisper? Some people were curious here that might be signing up for services. Oh, okay.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'd love to have some new folks.

[Carolyn Parker]

Coming through the office. You know, as far as the horse's whisper goes. You want to make sure that you're.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Not getting too much of that horse.

[Carolyn Parker]

Breath, because if you get too much, it's bad. So if you just get a little bit of a whisper, whisper, it's a good.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a good breath.

[Ike Mink]

That's it. That's what they. That's the reasoning behind it.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's it.

[Spike Mink]

So a horse breath is bad, and as long as you only have a whisper.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I didn't come up.

[Ike Mink]

It's a.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's a very.

[Ike Mink]

Well, that's what I told them. I said I didn't come up with it, and they got mad at me, so I said I'd call you. Do you know who. Who came up with it?

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, the Zoroastrians.

[Ike Mink]

Okay, thank you.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wow. Dr. Tomb. That is.

[Ike Mink]

That's Dr. Timbs. We don't talk a ton.

[Carolyn Parker]

And there's. He has a brother as well, so it's tombs.

[Ike Mink]

Beecher. Dr. Beecher is his brother.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, but why is it Tombs in Beecher Tombs?

[Ike Mink]

Because they took different names. They took. Each of them took their.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, so it's Tombs, parentheses, Beecher.

[Ike Mink]

It's Tombs and Beecher Dentistry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why did you call him Dr. Tomb?

[Carolyn Parker]

That's what we're trying to get at.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why is he Tomb on the floor?

[Ike Mink]

Because I felt like either way, I was interrupted before I got to the.

[Spike Mink]

S. Is it kind of like a little. Oh, you were interrupted.

[Ike Mink]

I was interrupted.

[Carolyn Parker]

Do you want to call him back and clarify?

[Ike Mink]

I call him back, but he knows it's Dr. It's toomes approaching you abusing.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Working remotely.

[Spike Mink]

Oh, no.

[Ike Mink]

I'm sorry. I had one last question for you, Dr. Toomes. Toomes. Toomes, right. It is Tomes. Why are you. Why do you have a different name than your brother, Dr. Beecher?

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, I'm a feminist.

[Ike Mink]

Okay. Thank you.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, great.

[Ike Mink]

Okay.

[Carolyn Parker]

Well, I consider myself to be one, too, so we have a lot in common.

[Ike Mink]

It sounds like he makes me. He made me. He said on the day he put me behind the desk, he said, you set it up the way you want it to be set up. And I'll tell you what are some.

[Carolyn Parker]

Of the unique ways that you've set it up.

[Ike Mink]

We have a TV that is always running big trouble in Little China on Loop.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's kind of. I mean, it's a great movie, but it could be considered culturally inappropriate, especially.

[Scott Aukerman]

With the sound out.

[Ike Mink]

We have magazines all over the place. I put.

[Carolyn Parker]

Which magazines?

[Ike Mink]

Mad magazine and Teachers Digest.

[Carolyn Parker]

They need things to be digested.

[Ike Mink]

Gabriel's. Gabriel's son, Gabriel.

[Carolyn Parker]

Son magazine.

[Spike Mink]

The angel's son has a magazine?

[Ike Mink]

Have you. You. Oh, you have to.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm also surprised the angel has a.

[Carolyn Parker]

Son, to be honest. Now, what was Gabriel like before he became an angel? I wonder. Was it like some dude, some caveman down on Earth?

[Ike Mink]

I get you. I will call and ask.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not. Not the most religious guy in the world, but I don't think that's ever how it worked.

[Ike Mink]

What was.

[Carolyn Parker]

I mean, we become angels, supposedly.

[Ike Mink]

Hi. Sorry. What was Gabriel's.

[Spike Mink]

You have to. Gabriel call me by you.

[Ike Mink]

What was Gabriel like before he became an angel?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, as far as I know, I think he was a good guy, which is how he got the promotion.

[Ike Mink]

That's as far as, you know, up.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah, I mean, you know, I haven't.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Done all the reading.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think this guy.

[Ike Mink]

Will you read and will you read and call me back, please?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah, please read something about this.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Okay.

[Ike Mink]

Thank you. Thank you, Dr. Tomb.

[Spike Mink]

But was it.

[Carolyn Parker]

We didn't interrupt you. Oh, okay.

[Ike Mink]

Thank you.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, good.

[Ike Mink]

So we have a bunch of magazines. I put gum out all over the place. I put gum magazines. Hot. Hot cookies.

[Carolyn Parker]

Hot cookies.

[Ike Mink]

Hot cookies.

[Carolyn Parker]

Like scalding hot.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Hot.

[Ike Mink]

Too hot to eat?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Ike Mink]

Yeah. Too hot to eat cookies.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you ensure they're always too hot to eat?

[Ike Mink]

I measure them against my warm minestrone. If I know my minestrone is right next to them. The minestrone starts as cold soup. I put it next to the scalding hot cookies and it warms up just enough to eat the minestrone.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you have the wedding soup, do you like a lot of little meatballs or just a few? You?

[Ike Mink]

Is that what wedding soup is?

[Scott Aukerman]

Did I stutter?

[Ike Mink]

Wait, you say it.

[Carolyn Parker]

What about you?

[Spike Mink]

Wedding soup.

[Carolyn Parker]

I think we were asking you to say, did I. Did I stutter? What's going.

[Spike Mink]

I forgot.

[Carolyn Parker]

I. Or spider. Which one are you?

[Ike Mink]

Hello? Hey, it's girly.

[Spike Mink]

No, hey, girly.

[Carolyn Parker]

I just did some reading on the.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Archangel Gabriel and you're not gonna like what I read.

[Ike Mink]

What happened?

[Spike Mink]

Oh, no.

[Carolyn Parker]

Turns out before he was promoted to.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

An angel, he was a terrible gossip.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, wow.

[Ike Mink]

Oh, no. He spread. That sounds like Susan in the office.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Are you kidding me? It sounds exactly like Susan.

[Carolyn Parker]

Except we're never going to be promoting her to an angel position.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Am I right, girly?

[Spike Mink]

You have to tell him to stop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was a terrible.

[Carolyn Parker]

Why God decided to make him the divine messenger because he was already talking to everyone.

[Ike Mink]

Oh, my God.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wow.

[Ike Mink]

Dr. Tombs, this is a. This is very sexy.

[Carolyn Parker]

Isn't the Bible very, very sexy? Yeah. I don't think we should be listening to this conversation. The sexiest of religious texts.

[Ike Mink]

Good night.

[Spike Mink]

Good night.

[Carolyn Parker]

Good night. Two in the afternoon.

[Ike Mink]

Oh, he's not. He's not in Burbank right now.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh. Oh, he's. Where is he?

[Ike Mink]

He's in Maui, I think.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, that's even earlier there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Said you were working remotely.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wait. Yeah. Where's the office bait? You said it was Burbank.

[Ike Mink]

You caught me.

[Spike Mink]

Oh, no.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the real story?

[Carolyn Parker]

What's going on?

[Scott Aukerman]

Involve our granddaughter?

[Ike Mink]

No, it's.

[Spike Mink]

Who are you really?

[Ike Mink]

No, I am really.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You're pretty.

[Ike Mink]

Parker.

[Carolyn Parker]

Everything is true, except.

[Ike Mink]

Everything's true. Except he's not in Maui.

[Carolyn Parker]

Where is he?

[Ike Mink]

Dr. Toomes and I have been seeing each other. He's at my. He's at my Adu.

[Carolyn Parker]

He's in your Adu?

[Spike Mink]

Do you live in the Adu or it's a small house behind your house?

[Ike Mink]

No, I live there.

[Carolyn Parker]

Who lives in the big house?

[Ike Mink]

Dr. Beecher, his brother.

[Carolyn Parker]

Brother?

[Spike Mink]

Okay, you guys are keeping it a secret.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does he know about the affair? Yes, Dr. Beecher.

[Ike Mink]

Dr. Beecher knows about it, and he's okay with it.

[Carolyn Parker]

So what's the problem?

[Ike Mink]

You know, I've never thought about it that way.

[Carolyn Parker]

Why are you hiding it from us?

[Ike Mink]

I never thought about it that way.

[Carolyn Parker]

Maybe there's no one cares.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hold on a second. Married to each other?

[Ike Mink]

No. Dr. Toomes is single, so it doesn't. I am single.

[Scott Aukerman]

It doesn't make it okay that he doesn't care.

[Ike Mink]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about Dr. Toomes's wife?

[Ike Mink]

Dr. Timbs doesn't have a wife.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then it's not an affair.

[Spike Mink]

You're dating, and it kind of makes the girly thing slightly better.

[Scott Aukerman]

Unless you're married.

[Carolyn Parker]

Still distasteful to my.

[Spike Mink]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope you're not married.

[Ike Mink]

I am not married.

[Spike Mink]

Within your fight?

[Ike Mink]

No, I have. I am not married. I am not interested.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why is it your ADU if Dr. Beecher lives in the big house?

[Ike Mink]

He sold it to me.

[Carolyn Parker]

He sold you the adu?

[Ike Mink]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay.

[Spike Mink]

It's like a half number is a half.

[Ike Mink]

Did you stutter? What? Wait, Who. What do you mean?

[Spike Mink]

Wedding suit.

[Ike Mink]

He.

[Spike Mink]

Is your address a half. Half. Does that make sense?

[Ike Mink]

Oh, I see what you're saying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stuttered. And we're not leaving until we find out who it was.

[Ike Mink]

No, I get all my mail from his mail area.

[Spike Mink]

Okay, so it's not from his mail area. It's not illegal.

[Ike Mink]

Also, get anything Sent to me.

[Spike Mink]

My. I love making my mail area feel good.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got to be kind to your mail area.

[Ike Mink]

He has a beautiful male area. Do you know how much a dentist makes per year?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Carolyn Parker]

Per annum. What are we talking fiscal year?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

No idea.

[Ike Mink]

No, I'm curious. I. I don't know. I'm. I'm trying to.

[Carolyn Parker]

Emma, you're trying to figure it out.

[Ike Mink]

I'm trying to figure.

[Carolyn Parker]

You want to get married to Dr. Tomb.

[Ike Mink]

I wish he would ask me at. At times I've thought about asking him. Him if he'll marry me. But it feels so untraditional for a 75 year old woman.

[Carolyn Parker]

You're 75 years old? Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not 75 women.

[Carolyn Parker]

I'm not 75 women in a camel costume.

[Ike Mink]

No.

[Spike Mink]

Oh my God.

[Ike Mink]

But I love camels.

[Spike Mink]

You've been had by another camel.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't get our hopes up.

[Spike Mink]

Doesn't look like a camel to me.

[Ike Mink]

Do you know a camel can survive over. Over day two days?

[Carolyn Parker]

Do you know what? Yes. Camels can survive over two days. Yeah.

[Spike Mink]

That's.

[Carolyn Parker]

Their life expectancy is probably.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a myth.

[Carolyn Parker]

They all die immediately.

[Spike Mink]

Was busted on the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

They brought a camel on and watched.

[Ike Mink]

It die in real time in under two days.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was a 24 hour episode of Mythbusters.

[Carolyn Parker]

It's because they're all smoking looking though.

[Scott Aukerman]

Also the one guy's crazy mustache grew two feet long.

[Ike Mink]

Do you know what's inside a camel's hump?

[Scott Aukerman]

More camel.

[Carolyn Parker]

A little tiny camel.

[Spike Mink]

It's wet.

[Ike Mink]

It's a wet. It's a pocket of. Of camels. It's a pocket of kind of are.

[Carolyn Parker]

The animal of what day my friend Paul F. Tompkins and I were talking about before is. It's not fish. It's camels because they have.

[Spike Mink]

They have big sacks of wet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Big sacks of wet. It.

[Ike Mink]

It's true. They. Even though they live in one of the driest environments.

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes.

[Spike Mink]

Oh my God.

[Ike Mink]

What was that?

[Scott Aukerman]

What was that noise?

[Ike Mink]

What was that noise?

[Carolyn Parker]

Did you just get an alert on your phone from.

[Ike Mink]

No, that was from your boyfriend alert. That wasn't for me, by the way.

[Carolyn Parker]

You. I. I mean there's a little bit of a power imbalance. You know, dating your boss who could technically fire you at any time. But. But I think it's fine for you guys. I mean you've. You've. You've alerted everyone at the office there. It's. It seems like it's okay. You can just be. Be honest about it.

[Ike Mink]

I know. But I'd have to give up my position behind the desk and everything. Did you hear that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Your burps?

[Carolyn Parker]

Did you. You just coughed up four more teeth.

[Spike Mink]

You've got to fix your teeth. The smell test is bad.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're feeling it from a great distance.

[Spike Mink]

Your tooth health is at an all time bad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Check your tooth. Tooth.

[Ike Mink]

I don't want to lose my position as the receptionist.

[Carolyn Parker]

Everyone knows about you, though. So it sounds like you already would have lost it if.

[Ike Mink]

No, he told me if we continue, I have to leave.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, wait, so. So it's okay with him? As long as it ends now?

[Ike Mink]

Yeah.

[Carolyn Parker]

When did he tell you this?

[Ike Mink]

Just before he whispered it. Well, he was on the phone with me. You didn't hear that?

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, wait, so Tombs whispered this to you? Not Beecher.

[Ike Mink]

I'll. I'll have him say it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sounds like he just doesn't want to date you anymore.

[Ike Mink]

What?

[Carolyn Parker]

He said you're calling him again. Hey, girly.

[Spike Mink]

It's kind of okay.

[Ike Mink]

Hey.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've gotten used to it.

[Ike Mink]

I explained to them how we're dating and that you're gonna make me give up my job as a receptionist.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's a conflict of interest for you to be doing both. And, you know, if you don't want to give up the job, then you don't have to. But I.

[Ike Mink]

But then we're not going to be together. You're telling me you want to be.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I want to be with you.

[Ike Mink]

You want to be with me all the different ways.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Ike Mink]

You want to see my man? My mail parts?

[Spike Mink]

What?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah. I mean, you've been hiding them for a long time.

[Ike Mink]

No, your male parts.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Yeah.

[Ike Mink]

And my male parts are the parts I grab. Your mail part. You know what I mean?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yeah.

[Ike Mink]

You know how to fix this, right?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

You know, there's parts of me that are female parts.

[Ike Mink]

And those are the parts that are.

[Carolyn Parker]

Gonna reach out to your parts.

[Ike Mink]

God. Dr. Tomb.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Look, all of this is fairly inappropriate.

[Carolyn Parker]

If you're still going to be working the reception desk.

[Ike Mink]

But I feel like I'm trying to decide. Decide whether I'm gonna marry you.

[Carolyn Parker]

You should make this choice. Here on the air. We'd like to know your answer. Are you going to marry Dr. Tombs?

[Ike Mink]

I don't know. Dr. Tombs, are you gonna. Are you gonna marry me?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I'm on one knee right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm gonna cry.

[Ike Mink]

Will you? Well, what? Well, then ask me.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Will you spend the rest of what.

[Spike Mink]

Little life you have?

[Scott Aukerman]

Make him say your name.

[Ike Mink]

Say my name. Say my name.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Parker, will you.

[Ike Mink]

Oh, no, no, I don't think he knows now.

[Scott Aukerman]

He doesn't know your name.

[Spike Mink]

He doesn't know you know your name.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do not marry him.

[Spike Mink]

Don't marry.

[Ike Mink]

I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna marry him. I've decided I'm already married. To the client?

[Carolyn Parker]

Yes.

[Ike Mink]

Of the dental office.

[Carolyn Parker]

Look, you can. Men come and go a good job. Those are hard to find in this economy.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Scott.

[Ike Mink]

Men come and go. Yes, but a good dental clientele, that's precious.

[Spike Mink]

No, you need to get on to take the clients.

[Ike Mink]

I'm going to take the clients. I'm going to keep the hot cookies. I'm going to keep the. The looping of Big Trouble in Little China on a VHS cassette.

[Carolyn Parker]

Suggest maybe getting rid of that.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about Teachers budget?

[Carolyn Parker]

Gabriel Son magazine?

[Ike Mink]

Those have to stay.

[Carolyn Parker]

Those have to stay.

[Ike Mink]

Do you imagine what people would do without them?

[Carolyn Parker]

It's a good point.

[Ike Mink]

No, I'm staying with them.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right, well, I'm glad that we came to a decision here. I'm sorry. You're not going to be, you know, reaching out to his male parts and vice versa.

[Ike Mink]

He'll still let me reach out to his mail parts. Trust me, I know. Dr. Tomb.

[Spike Mink]

No one interrupted me there.

[Carolyn Parker]

It was okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

He got it in under the wire.

[Carolyn Parker]

Well, guys, we are running out of time. Unfortunately, we. We really only have time for one final feature on this wet day spectacular. And that is of course a little something called Plugs.

[Scott Aukerman]

The stuff to plug to plug that stuff Keep on plugging your stuff Keep.

[Carolyn Parker]

On plugging your stuff Keep on plugging.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yourself the stuff to plug so plug that stuff Keep on plugging yourself Keep on plugging yourself Keep on plugging yourself that song. To plug that stuff Keep on plugging yourself plus keep on putting stuff.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh yeah. Beautiful. That was Stuffed Plugs by Jonathan Blake.

[Scott Aukerman]

Beautiful.

[Carolyn Parker]

Gorge. We loved it. All right, guys, what are we plugging? I can spike. You must have some things you want to plug here. Have at it. This is your time to shine.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're gonna be headlining Granddaughter Fest.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh my God. This is a festival. A music festival with all granddaughters is the headliners.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's no. It's just granddaughters and no one.

[Carolyn Parker]

No one's around and you're headlining it. Even though you're not granddaughters.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stay away from Granddaughter Fest.

[Carolyn Parker]

How are you gonna make money on this? Seems like another bad business idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're losing a hundred thousand dollars and 200 yards of foil.

[Carolyn Parker]

Did you stutter? Did I say what is anything else you want to plug? There's got to Be some television shows perhaps, or maybe a live events that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want to go website I like to visit because it's got so many links.

[Carolyn Parker]

Is it hack claims8.com?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, that's a very famous, famous website. This is a little known website called Paul F tompkins.com variety and this has.

[Carolyn Parker]

Links to buy tickets for all of the. The entire tour of Variety Topia, which is starting kicking off very soon, is it not?

[Scott Aukerman]

April 23rd in Iowa City, Iowa.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wow. Incredible. And this is an incredible night at the theater.

[Scott Aukerman]

Incredible.

[Carolyn Parker]

You can take your loved ones, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don'T take our granddaughter.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay?

[Spike Mink]

She stays away from all shows.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did she do for bedtime?

[Carolyn Parker]

When's her bedtime?

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't even ask.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay. All right. I. I know that was cutting a close.

[Spike Mink]

What about tried to sneak one in during plugs. You're not getting in.

[Carolyn Parker]

What about you, Spiker?

[Spike Mink]

Ike, go to Big Grande website.com and check out the new series County Fair.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay. Wow.

[Spike Mink]

It's a 10 episode series and all the scenes take place at a county fair and there's no grand orders.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, good. Okay, fantastic.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can go, go near it.

[Spike Mink]

You can go absolutely near it and download it.

[Carolyn Parker]

How about you, Carolyn? Do you have anything that you want to plug here?

[Ike Mink]

I want to take.

[Carolyn Parker]

Why, why are you playing this?

[Ike Mink]

That is my son's company.

[Carolyn Parker]

Burger King.

[Ike Mink]

Yes. Why?

[Carolyn Parker]

He, he owns Burger King.

[Ike Mink]

My son. I've never been. He owns it and I wanted to plug that, frankly.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, but why are you working at 75 old, very late reveal of not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Only a son, but a previous relationship and the fact that the son owns Burger King.

[Ike Mink]

He's running he. Please support him.

[Carolyn Parker]

You could have just said he owns Burger King. You didn't have to play the commercial.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why does he need help?

[Ike Mink]

Support him. He's doing a fun drive right now.

[Carolyn Parker]

What kind of fun drive?

[Ike Mink]

A fun drive you can call and support his.

[Spike Mink]

Where do you call?

[Ike Mink]

Donate. Call 310-980-4053 and you can support Burger King.

[Carolyn Parker]

What kind of messages do you want people to leave?

[Ike Mink]

They're trying to get off the ground. He's trying to get the business off.

[Carolyn Parker]

Maybe pictures of burgers you could send.

[Ike Mink]

They have a Whopper. Yeah. Send burger pictures. Each burger picture that he gets. He, he supposedly he's able to sell that on the Internet.

[Carolyn Parker]

Okay, great.

[Ike Mink]

It is great Scott. I hope you mean that.

[Spike Mink]

He's flipping pictures of burgers.

[Ike Mink]

He buys them, then he flips them for a little more.

[Carolyn Parker]

He flips them like he flips the.

[Ike Mink]

Burgers so he'll sell them. And by the way, if you want. Also, if you want to buy a.

[Scott Aukerman]

Picture of a burger.

[Ike Mink]

He will sell you pictures of burgers.

[Carolyn Parker]

He'll sell you pictures. Burgers. Okay, wonderful. I want to plug. Hey, head over to Comedy Bang bang world or cbb world.com you can get the entire archive of Comedy Bang Bang, every single episode we've ever recorded, as well as all of the live episodes, all ad free. We also have other shows up there. Like we have ad Free Threedom. We have Scott as Insane with Sprague, the Whisperer and myself. We also have the Neighborhood Listen. Just started their new season, I believe this week, April 1st. April 1st, that's right. College Town. So much great. CBB Presents. Hey, Randy. So much great stuff over there. And speaking of Randy, we also have Randy and Carissa. Action figures are still on sale. You can get them available for customers [e-mail] with free shipping with the US address or in Europe with a cheaper import fee@action figureseller.com.

[Ike Mink]

I'M okay. I just feel bad about breaking up.

[Carolyn Parker]

Hey, I'm not letting go.

[Ike Mink]

Well, I'm letting go. It's just hard. Somebody told me today that I have to come in for a cleaning and I'm like, who am I going to have to clean my teeth? Any? Like, you're the only one I would trust with my teeth.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, I'm still going to go in there.

[Ike Mink]

In where?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Your mouth?

[Ike Mink]

Stop it.

[Scott Aukerman]

He doesn't know your name.

[Spike Mink]

Your son owns Burger King.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

If you've got any caramel corn or any of.

[Carolyn Parker]

Any of the concessions that you keep.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

In the waiting room, I'm gonna get.

[Spike Mink]

It out of your mouth.

[Carolyn Parker]

And you're gonna be, you know, you have caramel corn as well as hot cookies.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

It's gonna be as good as a horse's.

[Ike Mink]

Do you think they asked me if we should keep. If we should keep Teachers Digest in the waiting room.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

I mean, I think that would be great.

[Spike Mink]

Your son, Aries Burger King.

[Carolyn Parker]

Hang up with this guy and never go back to the office.

[Ike Mink]

All right, I'm coming over.

[Scott Aukerman]

1. Don't pick up the phone.

[Ike Mink]

I'll see you.

[Carolyn Parker]

I'll see. You know. Do it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stay away from Duke. Dua Lipa.

[Carolyn Parker]

Oh, wait, is Dua Lipa your granddaughter?

[Spike Mink]

We're just fans, but stay away. She will. She will be a granddaughter. Fest.

[Ike Mink]

Dr. Toom, what's in wedding soup?

[Scott Aukerman]

She's opening Granddaughter.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Italian wedding soup is like little meatballs.

[Spike Mink]

How many?

[Ike Mink]

How many?

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Well, you know, depending on how big.

[Carolyn Parker]

Your ladle Is I. I would say.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

That'S 2 of pervert.

[Ike Mink]

You're a pervert.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right, hang up. Hang up. Out. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Plug back with me, please.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't close it and be rude. It's not time to close it up just yet.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right, that was Close the plug back, dude. By Evacer. Thank you so much. To Evacer. If you have a plug theme, head over to cbb world.com plugs and guys, I want to thank you so much. I can. Spike, always wonderful to see you. I'm kind of suspecting that you have some sort of connection to Dua Lipa here, that she might actually be your granddaughter. Oh, no. That was like Invasion of the Body Snatchers or something. Granddaughter and Carolyn, Look, I drop Dr. Tombs. I mean, your son owns Burger King. You don't need him.

[Ike Mink]

You don't have to.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't need him.

[Ike Mink]

You don't have to brush all your teeth, just the ones you want to keep. And maybe he's one of the teeth I don't want to keep.

[Spike Mink]

Yes, let him rot in your mouth.

[Scott Aukerman]

String to him and slam the door.

[Carolyn Parker]

That's good. Good words for any day. But especially for wet day here. I want to. I want to wish you all a merry wet day. Many Urkels to all of you. Thanks for celebrating here with us. Really appreciate it. Are you guys about to get as wet as you can be?

[Spike Mink]

We go, we're. We're giving each other flumes and we're going to the water park.

[Carolyn Parker]

Wow, this is incredible. A wet day miracle. What about you, Carolyn? Do you want to join us?

[Ike Mink]

You already know. I'm headed over to Tombs right now. You know how wet I'm going to be.

[Carolyn Parker]

All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks.

[Ike Mink]

Bye.

[Carolyn Parker]

Tired of listening to the same old playlists or podcasts over and over. Maybe it's time to mix things up. Try something new. Hit explore. Avoid the blah and the boring.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Before you even put your headphones in.

[Carolyn Parker]

Add some fun in the mix. Say yabba dabba doo to a bowl of pebble cereal. And enjoy by the spoonful, fruity and cocoa pebble cereal.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

Less blah, more yabba dabba doo.

[Carolyn Parker]

Head to your nearest grocery store to buy pebble cereal today.

[Paul F. Tompkins]

The Flintstones and all related characters and.

[Carolyn Parker]

Elements Copyright and trademark. Hanna Barbari at Ameca Insurance.

[Scott Aukerman]

We know it's more than just a car.

[Spike Mink]

It's the two door coupe that was.

[Carolyn Parker]

There for your first drive.

[Spike Mink]

The hatchback that took you cross country.

[Carolyn Parker]

And back and the minivan that tackles.

[Spike Mink]

The weekly car pool for the cars you couldn't live without.

[Carolyn Parker]

Trust Ameca Auto Insurance.

[Scott Aukerman]

Insurance, Amiga. Empathy is our best policy. Presents. In the red corner, the undisputed, undefeated weed whacker guy.

[Carolyn Parker]

Champion of hurling grass and pollen everywhere.

[Scott Aukerman]

And in the blue corner, the challenger, Extra strength.

[Carolyn Parker]

Hanady ey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Drop that work all day to prevent.

[Carolyn Parker]

The release of histamines that cause itchy allergy eyes. And the winner by knockout is Pataday. Pataday.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bring it on.