Raw Dogging Coke (Kerri Kenney-Silver, Devin Field, Stephanie Burchinow)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast – "Raw Dogging Coke" (June 1, 2026)

Host: Scott Aukerman
Guests: Kerri Kenney-Silver, Devin Field, Stephanie Burchinow (as Darbara Meatbag), character appearances
Theme: A signature blend of celebrity interviews, off-the-wall character improvisation, irreverent comedy, and commentary on contemporary pop culture and daily life.

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Episode Overview

This episode features Scott Aukerman welcoming actress and comedian Kerri Kenney-Silver (Reno 911!, The State, The Four Seasons) to the Comedy Bang Bang "Three Timers Club." The show spirals joyfully from an earnest chat about Kerri's latest Netflix series (The Four Seasons) into surreal improvisational comedy, featuring character guests including "Trader Joe’s cashier" Xander Holyfield (Devin Field) and ultra-conservative "concerned citizen" Darbara Meatbag (Stephanie Burchinow).

Main theme: The comedy of everyday frustrations, nostalgia, and the bizarre intersections of modern culture, all told with Comedy Bang Bang’s unique blend of sincerity and absurdity.

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Detailed Breakdown & Timestamps

1. Opening & Kerri Kenney-Silver Interview

[01:25–20:36]

Introductions & Banter

• Scott opens with trademark non-sequitur jokes and welcomes Kerri Kenney-Silver, teasing her entry into the "Three Timers Club."
  • “The best part of waking up is not dying in your sleep.” – Scott Aukerman [01:25]
  • Light age jokes are exchanged, with time-travel and baby-Hitler cartoon riffs.
  • “It’d be great if I had done it as a baby—what a story for a cocktail party!” – Kerri Kenney-Silver [03:16]

“The Four Seasons” Deep Dive

• Kerri discusses the Netflix dramedy’s ensemble cast, character arcs, and strong female leadership (Tina Fey as creator and star).
  • Season 2 launches; they address the show's tone, big cast changes (Steve Carell out, Steven Pasquale in), and themes of grief and reinvention.
  • “It's about as ensemble as you can get… I just happen to be sitting in this chair.” – Kerri [05:30]
  • Kerri lauds the warm, low-ego culture set by Tina Fey: “Let’s cast people that are kind… fun to hang out with, low maintenance…” [17:17]
  • They joke about Broadway crossovers and group text threads defined by “mostly sexting” and outrageous “lively” cast chats [13:08].
  • Story of watching friends become successful (esp. Niecy Nash’s dramatic turn): “[Seeing that] maybe it’s not too late [for me].” – Kerri [15:30]
  • Reflections on ensemble chemistry, crying on camera, and the fun confusion over the show’s title conventions (e.g., “season two of Four Seasons”).

Nostalgia & Industry Talk

• Anecdotes about The State’s origins: early MTV days, Jon Stewart’s first show, confidence of youth.
  • “We were like egotistical assholes… of course we’re gonna be on TV.” – Kerri [24:01]

The State Documentary (Delayed)

• Documentary premiered at Tribeca but release delayed due to “bargaining part” with distributors [21:17].
• Teases stories not included, like near-death car accident, and comparisons to Mr. Show [22:15].
  • “He (Tom Lennon) made a T-shirt out of it.” – Kerri [22:26]

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2. Character Segment: Trader Joe’s Cashier (Xander Holyfield)

[29:10–48:00]

Xander’s Odd Interview

• Xander is an extremely enthusiastic, bizarrely personal Trader Joe’s cashier, immediately asking about religion, finances, and morbid topics:
  • “What religion do you think is the one true religion, by the way?” – Xander [29:43]
  • “How do you think you’re going to die, by the way?” – Xander [35:05]
• Shares frequent recalls of Trader Joe’s products with dark comedic detail (“roasted garlic raw salmon hummus,” “jumbo eggs with listeria,” “Gruyere wasabi pretzel nuggets”).
• Explains store quirks like the bell system and “hidden rabbit” scavenger hunt.
• Kerri and Scott riff on darkly comic trauma bonding at checkouts and the mounting list of hazardous Trader Joe’s items.
• Xander’s backstory revealed: claims to have lived in the woods, Nell-style, for years and only entered society six years ago – which invites both pity and suspicion.
  • “I grew up in the woods by myself… found by linguistic researchers… just playing catch up.” – Xander [34:04]
• Bizarre tangents ensue: store mascots, hiding plush rabbits, sex with moss, and recurring denials of bestiality accusations (“Never had sex with animals. Certainly not in Enumclaw, Washington...” [40:27]), culminating in increasingly surreal confessions.

Social Commentary with Surrealism

• Jokes about cultural insensitivity in Trader Joe’s branding (“Trader Ming,” “Trader José”).
• Advice on how to kill a cashier without alerting the others with the bell (satirical, obviously).
• Xander’s increasingly detailed denials (“If you did a Google reverse image search, no stories would come up…” [35:01]) lay comedic groundwork for his big reveal later.

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3. Character Segment: Darbara Meatbag—The “Concerned Citizen”

[53:05–71:58]

The Monologue of Mundane Conservative Rage

• Darbara, “not doing good,” details anxieties over small societal deviations, starting with a “raw-dogged” Coke at a freestyle soda machine:
  • “Just be normal. Just be normal.” – Darbara [57:37]
• Her anger at “creative” choices (silly straws, Coke flavors, PT Cruisers, people sitting backwards on chairs, big pants, cargo shorts) is played for absurdity.
  • “I just think I’m sick of people getting too creative these days. Just go to the machine, get a normal soda.” – Darbara [57:54]
  • “If I see another person sitting backwards in a chair, I’m shooting that chair with a gun.” [66:01]
• Uses “I’m going to shoot it with a gun” repeatedly about minor annoyances—running gag.
• Reveals formative trauma: accidentally took MDMA at an Imagine Dragons concert, saw men with shirts off and a woman patting her lap.
• Describes her strictly normal routine, classic tops, drugs (Ambien, Claritin, “occasional borrowed Xanax”—all "normal"), and career as an Ashley Home Furniture salesperson.
• Jokes about her powerful, cupped “meaty” hands and loud wave (improvised physical comedy).

Exchanges with Xander and Scott

• Ongoing, gentle mockery from Scott and Kerri regarding her single-mindedness and quickness to judgment.
• Xander is repeatedly shot at (metaphorically and, ultimately, literally) for his “abnormal” cargo shorts and odd ways.
  • “She’s a perfect shot.” – Xander, after Darbara shoots holes in his shorts [68:34]

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4. Callback Chaos & Finale

[72:13–81:03]

Plugs & Character Callbacks

• Everyone plugs projects, both real (Four Seasons S2, Double Feature improv at UCB) and fake (Darbara’s “Normal Things” TV script, a parody of Stranger Things: “It’s about a group of young people all with the same beautiful haircut… and they all go to bed at a decent hour.” [74:48]).
• Xander plugs recalled Trader Joe’s items (“soyaki ceviche”) and names his favorite comedies: “Coneheads… Gumby is hilarious. Pokey drags the show down.”
• Xander struggles to explain the “Double Feature” improv concept; Scott mock-complains about the complexity.

The Reveal: Xander’s Hidden Past

• Scott finally performs the long-teased Google image search on Xander.
  • Reveals Xander is actually “Cecil Holyfield,” an Ohioan with a notorious past for “jumping fences and having sex with neighbor’s cats” [81:46]. Xander denies all.
  • “Cecil Holyfield, what a stupid name. I’d want to get as far away from it as possible!” – Xander [81:46]
  • After feigned panic, Xander borrows Darbara’s gun, threatens to imitate "Blazing Saddles," and flees the studio.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Let's cast people that are peepeels, as we call them… that's how Tina (Fey) says it in her Philly accent.” – Kerri [17:22]
• “If you want to kill me dead without anyone intervening, keep my hands away from the big bell.” – Xander [32:08]
• “If I see another person sitting backwards in a chair, I'm shooting that chair with a gun.” – Darbara [66:01]
• “I just like... the factory default settings. We're getting pure Coke, no ice. You're just raw-dogging Coke out there.” – Scott [58:22]
• “I did MDMA at an Imagine Dragons concert and saw stuff that scared me to tears.” – Darbara [61:23]
• “You ever think about combining your two interests and, like, slapping on a Hawaiian shirt and going out in the woods and having sex with animals?” – Scott (to Xander) [47:22]

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Key Insights & Themes

• Nostalgia + Surrealism: The episode grounds a candid, genuine conversation about career, acting, and creative fulfillment in Comedy Bang Bang’s established world of anarchic, surreal improvisation.
• Modern Frustrations: Ongoing riffs on grocery store culture, generational divides, “too much choice,” and “creativity gone wild” lampoon the things that “make us mad” in 2026.
• Performative Normalcy: Both guests and characters (especially Darbara) obsess over “just being normal,” revealing anxieties about change and the absurd limitations of defining “normal” in America.
• Absurd Reversals: Scott’s hosting style prods for details, pinning down Xander’s lies and escalating running jokes until their logical and illogical extremes are achieved.

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Structure & Flow

• Warm, rapid-fire banter between real guest and host.
• Deep-dive interviews mixed with extended character improv.
• Recurring jokes and escalating chaos, concluding with callback payoffs.
• Distinctive character voices serve as comedic commentary on real trends (retail work, nostalgia, generational divides).

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For New Listeners

This episode is exemplary of modern CBB, blending sincere showbiz interviews with wild, improv-driven character comedy. The guest (Kerri Kenney-Silver) provides heartfelt insight into her career and process, while fictional guests lampoon everything from grocery store quirks to societal overreactions—with Scott deftly blending reality and parody.

• Essential segments:
  • [01:25]–[20:36] – Kerri Kenney-Silver Interview
  • [29:10]–[48:00] – Trader Joe’s Cashier (Xander)
  • [53:05]–[71:58] – Concerned Citizen (Darbara)
  • [72:13]–end – Plugs & Xander’s reveal

An inspired, high-energy, and satisfyingly weird episode balancing personal candor and the spontaneous mania that Comedy Bang Bang is famous for.

Transcript

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

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[Darbara Meatbag]

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[Carrie Kenny Silver]

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[Xander Holyfield]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not just for celebrities.

[Xander Holyfield]

So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms at Mintmobile. Do.

[Scott Aukerman]

The best part of waking up is not dying in your sleep. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

[Xander Holyfield]

Mmm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you to TVs Robbie. TVs Robbie. I wonder which Robbie it is. I can't. I'm trying to think of every TV show I've ever watched and who would be a Robbie on it. Robbie Robertson. Was he on tv? He was in that movie about all those bands singing and Martin Scorsese hanging out. But I don't remember any other Robbie. Robbie Wrist maybe, and other parts of the body. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. My name is Scott. A incredible show coming up a little later. We have a Trader Joe's Cashier. Wow. We also have a concerned citizen. So this is a dynamite lineup here, but we also have a major star in A block.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, dear God, don't introduce me that way.

[Scott Aukerman]

A major fucking star.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

When do they get here?

[Scott Aukerman]

She is one of our greatest friends. I'm trying to remember if she's entering the Three Timers Club or it is the Three Timers Club. You entered the Two Timers Club last night?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I believe so. I'm also quite elderly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. The reason she's able to enter the Three Timers Club is because she is an elderly woman and she's been around for so long, since before podcasting. She had. You were born the day before podcasts started.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Just before 1991.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. And you're so old now, you've had a few trips in a time machine. You know, back to you went back and killed Hitler.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I wish I could have said that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, man. Can you imagine?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's not too late.

[Scott Aukerman]

When would you do. Would you do it as a baby? That it would be uncomfortable doing it as a baby.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It'd be great if I had done it as a baby, because what a great story to tell at a cocktail party.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's true.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

But I think I joined two lies and a truth or Two truths and a lie or whatever.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a great way. Whichever way you want to play it. I think I would wait until he was just a teenager and he got the first bursts of that weird mustache coming out, and I would just be like, boom.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I thought you meant when I was a baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you wanted to do when you were a baby.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

As a baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that would be great.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Getting rid of full adult Hitler.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd like to see you pull that off. Honestly, I really would too. And I feel like Maggie Simpson style.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

This might be an animated show. Yes. A baby that goes back in time and kills bad people.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can we mail this to the WGA right now?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I just copyrighted.

[Scott Aukerman]

Damn it. I missed out.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, no, you're in there.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, I'm in there.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yay.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

You're doing craft service.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, she is the star of the Incredible show the Four Seasons, second season of which is out on Netflix May 28, and we cannot wait for it. The first season was so great. You know her from, of course, Reno911. The state. Is it 911 or is it 911?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's both things, but the show itself is 911.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I asked Tom this on our very first episode, and he took umbrage with that.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

We were once introduced on a radio show really early on when the show first started, and they said, welcome to the cast of Reno911.

[Scott Aukerman]

But this. Didn't the show start in the 90s? I can't even remember.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

We did the pilot in 2000.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Nobody saw it until 2003.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. So it came out in 2003. So that would be an unfortunate reference.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It was a really unfortunate reference.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was gonna say, who cares if it comes if, you know, came out before that.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

911 was definitely closer on the tip of the tongue than 911 at that point.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please welcome to the Three Timers Club. In fact, Carrie, Kenny Silver.

[Xander Holyfield]

Hello.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Hi. And I appreciate. I love the such a sweet introduction to, say, the star of the four seasons. I don't feel like I'm the star. I feel like it's a very ensemble piece. It's about as ensemble as you can get.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you shine? Maybe A little brighter than everyone else, but, hey, it is a truly ensemble piece.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I just happen to be sitting in this chair.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Ye. They're not here. You're here.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Where are you, Colman? Domingo Coleman. I'll tell you where he is. He's probably either on the Orient Express. This just happened.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's this now?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

On the red carpet of the Oscars. He was on the red carpet.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's solving murders on both of these places.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Let's hope.

[Scott Aukerman]

So who do you want to see murdered at the Oscars?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That's another great cartoon.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yes.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Murder at the Oscars.

[Scott Aukerman]

You taking out the casting directors? You don't deserve this.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

But I'm a baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Oh, yeah. Well, you're a baby who talks, though, I'm assuming, because otherwise this cartoon is going to be a little boring. It.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, we don't want to have to read anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. Like translating your pacifier squeaks.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No. Nobody reads anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? Thinking about Maggie Simpson right now, shooting Mr. Burns.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Who isn't?

[Scott Aukerman]

Who isn't at this. At this stage in our lives? Carrie, the four seasons, Season two. That's. That's confusing already, right?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Or is it awesome?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I wish it was season four and it was always season four.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I don't wish. I mean, I. Listen. I'll do this show till I die.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So this show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang. I appreciate that.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Well, yes. There she comes for the 358th time. Karen Kennedy.

[Scott Aukerman]

How old am I gonna be at that point? But no, you're gonna do the four seasons until you die or until your character dies because.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Or till Netflix kills me.

[Scott Aukerman]

That. Oh, yeah. Off camera or on camera?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Either. We don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if Netflix started a new Faces of Death kind of thing? Killed the stars of their own show.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, like voted off the island, but literally off the planet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, exactly. But speaking of characters dying in season two, you're all wrestling with a major character death from season one.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I don't even remember it. Who was it?

[Scott Aukerman]

I barely remember it either. Do you think Steve Carell. Does he sign. I. I've asked this before. Does he sign on to a show saying, I'll do it as long as I can die relatively quickly?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

As long as you kill me? I don't think he's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is he going to die on Rooster?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Well, I don't think they can do that. But all. I mean, listen, third time's a child.

[Scott Aukerman]

They just call it Rooster's family after that, like Valerie's family.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Or they just replace him with a different actor. No explanation at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

But, of course, Steve Carell is no longer on the show, and that was dealt with in season one. Now suddenly, I'm reading. You have a different Steve on the show. Stephen Pasquale.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, they told you that?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it's in the trades here. I have Variety open to the.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

These trades. Steven Pasquale. Have you heard him sing?

[Scott Aukerman]

I haven't. I want to. He's a wonderful Broadway actor.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Sweet Jesus. It's just one of those things where it's like, you don't get to be handsome and a great actor and you can sing. I know.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's annoying.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's unfair.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, he. Of course we know Stephen Pasquale from. He played the villainous Mark Fuhrman on

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

the People versus OJ he was phenomenal in that. Dude. I loved that show.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was great because you got perfect. You got David Schwimmer saying juice. Juice.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Very memeable.

[Scott Aukerman]

But he's. He's a wonderful Broadway actor. He's been in so much stuff like the Good Wife and so much. So much else. And now is he. I don't know if you can spoil any of this stuff. Is he your love interest?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I doubt I can spoil anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I mean, I'm just so. I'm so deathly afraid of anything happening. You know, it's like you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I've had that. I doubt I can spoil anything. So I'm gonna tell you everything.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh. Oh, would that be just horrible? And then I get a call on the way home from Netflix. Hey, hey, Care Bear.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have a secret love on you

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

that we implanted on you, but you're dead.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Four Seasons is about a bunch of couples who vacation together. And you see them in every season, meaning TV season. Right. So you see them in pop. Pilot season. They're all auditioning.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

In that case, we would be gone because there is no more pilot season. So that's the real throwback. It's a group of friends who've been friends for 25 years and some even longer because they went to college together and so forth. And my marriage to Steve Carell of 23, 21 years falls apart because he decides he doesn't want to be with me anymore. And then he dies. And in the meantime, he has fallen in love with someone else, someone much younger than me. And we find out at the end of season one that she is pregnant.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Now, is she part of the group now?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

She is absolutely part of the group. Speaking of Broadway excellence, Erica Henningson just finished a run of Just In Time with Jonathan Groff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just in Time is weird because it's the beginning of Justin Timberlake. Okay. You know what I mean?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So it's like, should have used that for marketing.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel like I went to it and I was like, okay, here comes Justin Timberlake.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Here he comes.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I went back and read the poster, and they cut it off right at the.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's. Did you get your money back?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, definitely. I got everyone's money back. Oh, my gosh. I rallied everyone. This isn't fair.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, no, my God. I went to see Tina Fey and I went to see her in that. I mean, I felt like I have no. No reason, no justification to be proud. I have nothing to do with her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Isn't it fun when you see a younger person do well and you're like, no.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Any. All of my. Anyone I love. Any of my friends, family. I just was so proud. I really wanted to just stand up in the middle and be like, I know her, my buddy.

[Scott Aukerman]

And else.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah. I was like, is she looking at us? Can she see us? She was not looking at us.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did she ever wink at you during the show? Just like you.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

We know that apparently it's a lot of lights she can't see, but, yeah, she's very much a part. And so what happens with this relationship now? You know, Anne is a real caretaker, and her daughter is off at college now, and she no longer has a husband to take care of.

[Scott Aukerman]

And now you have this baby that is somewhat tangentially related family to you. Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So we don't explore any of that. It takes place on Mars.

[Scott Aukerman]

So are you killing Martians there?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's just me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And it's just a movement piece.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, and then, you know, you mentioned Tina Fey. Tina Fey is in this. Who else is in the cast?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Tina Fey is not just in this. Tina Fey is this. She's one. Obviously created it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Obviously co created it.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Jesse Wigfield and Lang Fisher. And she, of course, is in it, the star of it. There's Will Forte. Delicious.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Colman Domingo. Delicious. Marco Calvani.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not delicious.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Delicious.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no. More delicious.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Delicious. Italian.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, mamma mia.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Gazi. Prego.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mario.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's a me. Mario is.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's a him. Mario.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Wait a second. Have you been doing duolingo?

[Xander Holyfield]

I have.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Wouldn't that be great? That's their first thing. You're like, this is borderline racist. And Erica Henningson and myself. And it is literal heaven just to be our text. I had to turn my phone off because the text thread is on fire.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? You guys are on a. Has it lasted the entire.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

From the second we met. Really, from the second we met.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the kind of stuff that you text each other? Like memes or, like, look at this dumb asshole about certain dumb assholes in the news.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's mostly sexting.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's mostly sexting.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Mostly sexting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Sexual plant emojis.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Let me be clear. I send a lot of nudes. No one has responded yet, but I. And only two of them have blocked me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. That's cool.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So I consider that, like, a lively text thread.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, this. I mean, the Four Seasons, it's a huge. Is it the biggest thing you've ever been? I mean, no shade to the state in Reno 911.

[Xander Holyfield]

No, no.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I mean, listen, I love and will always do this. I hate the word alt comedy or sort of, you know, this. This world that I began in 1988 back in NYU with the state, and I will always love that, and I will always work with those guys every day of my life.

[Scott Aukerman]

As long as it fits into your schedule, which is now too busy.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Well, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have, like, 20 minutes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And I've got a bag of wits and so many stick on mustaches.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I will always do that. That's a big part of me, but a part of me that I never got to explore because the industry kind of decides, you know, okay, you're already on the lazy river of this, and you're doing well, and some. Why would my agents or anybody. But when I saw Niecy Nash hop out of Reno and hop into just the most beautiful, gritty.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which show is it? 9 11. I can't remember.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's. It's 911 is a thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Something else. Reno 91 1. Exclamation.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. But did she go to the other 911 show?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, no, no, no. That. Which one did she. That was Joe Latruglio went from Reno911

[Scott Aukerman]

to just 91 1.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like I'm ditching the Reno.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, which one is. Is Niecy Nash on? She's on the. Oh, the rookie. Right.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Or she's on everything. She's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now she's on everything.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I watched Niecy go from Reno 911 to make this leap into this other world of acting that I had always wanted to be a part of, which is like real raw, real emotions, gritty, real stuff, life stuff. Right. And I always wanted to Be part of that. But I thought, that's not for me. But when I saw her do that, I thought, maybe it's not too late.

[Scott Aukerman]

She played Denise Dede Ottley in Getting Ontley Ortley.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yes. And that was sort of like the first time people saw, like, oh, she's an actress. And I mean, the funny thing is we're all. You know, you look at comedians, everyone's a good actor.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you're a comedian. Cause not only do you have to be real, but you have to be funny, which is harder.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Right. And we. And a lot of us, you know, some of it comes from dark stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

I appreciate you roping me into this.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

A lot of us. Not you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, no, no. Not you. Because your life has been perfect, and you let us all know that every chance you get. And I just felt this, like, kind

[Scott Aukerman]

of a twinge of, like, oh, well, that'll never happen for me. And then suddenly you're in one of the biggest shows on Netflix, doing crying scenes and everything.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And we were number one in the world on Netflix.

[Scott Aukerman]

In the world.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I mean, what is that?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's incredible. And how did you cry? Did you think of, like, something sad? Like when you, like, fell down and scuffed your knee?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That's exactly right.

[Xander Holyfield]

Wow.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I thought about the time that I fell down and I had scuffed my knee. Oh, God, here it comes. Oh, my God, it's happening again.

[Xander Holyfield]

What an incredible act.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I was standing there, and then I

[Scott Aukerman]

fell down and then my knee.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

But everyone has a different process. Are there any Jeremy Strongs on set where it's just.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, God, no, no, no. In fact, I'll tell you, that's Tina, Tracy and Lange, and Sherry Thomas, the brilliant casting director, and of course, all the people at Netflix. But Tina in particular made a major point of. We are of a certain age, okay? Most of us there are in our mid-50s. We've done great. We've all had wonderful careers. We have at this point. Let's have a nice time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Let's cast people that are peepeels, as we call them. That's how Tina. It's her Philly accent.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's her Philly thing.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, I do Philly accent. Pipil that has an umlaut in it and an accent et gueu. Let's cast people that are kind. Let's cast people that are going to

[Scott Aukerman]

get fun to hang out with, fun

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

to hang out with, low maintenance, that are going to get along immediately. Because I'll tell you, day one, I was Seated at a table, and they said, okay, so this is Steve Carell. Steve, this is Carrie. You've been married 21 years. Okay. This is Tina meeting her for the first time. This is your best friend of 24 years. This is Will Fortayevna. And action. And so you really have to have a group that is sort of based in that original world of theater or world of let's play. Let's give and take. There cannot be any divas. There cannot be anyone who isn't really willing to just be a member of. Of an ensemble.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Other than Will Forte, of course. We've talked about this with Darcy Carden, who's just.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Nightmare.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, nightmare.

[Darbara Meatbag]

But.

[Scott Aukerman]

But other than him, I mean, and everyone.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It shows performances. It shows in his performances.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Very unlikable.

[Scott Aukerman]

More champagne, Mr.

[Xander Holyfield]

Forte?

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That's the. If I. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that on set.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, the Four Seasons is out there now. Or a second first season. Obviously, everyone can catch up up before they. Before they watch season two.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And I'll tell you, season one is four hours long.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's. That can't be right. It's. Is it really eight episodes of half hour a piece?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That's correct, sir.

[Scott Aukerman]

God, I've spent more time doing so many other things. Well, not on Tik Tok, necessarily, but

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I've seen you spend that much time.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, I've been on Tik Tok. Just today, right?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, when I came in, I was like, scott, we were supposed to start an hour ago. And you're like, I know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm like, I'm. I have three more minutes.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Three hours of figuring out how to make sourdough. I don't know what people do, but, yeah. So, yeah, it's a fun, quick watch. But also, the first season is based on. At the beginning, anyway, the movie by Alan Alda from 1981 that he was

[Scott Aukerman]

in the actual series as well, plays my father in this and who always pops up in every New York Times

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

crossword because everyone loves an Alan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, just Alda just fits so many things.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And he's in New York.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. But it's a great show, and everyone should check out, rewatch or watch season one, and then season two is. Is going to be out, and so many surprises in store. So many places you're gonna go to, I would imagine. Can you say what the cities are? I mean, you guys have. You guys do more locations than the White Lotus does. They only do one a season. Yeah. And Then meanwhile, you guys are out here like, oh, we're at Pennsylvania for one.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I see what you're doing. You're trying to get me to blurt it out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, Yep. Just.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

All right. Dayton, Ohio. I shouldn't have said it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, God, that's.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Shouldn't have said it. The whole season takes place in a basement in Dayton.

[Scott Aukerman]

Basement. Well, the Four Seasons. Let's check it out. I got. I would be remiss if I didn't ask you about the state documentary, which you hyped up last year and has not come out yet. What's going on with it?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I lost it. I can't. I cannot find it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was it in, like, a bag and you left it?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Sure.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

We were all out drinking and I was like, you guys all take it. And they're like, I don't think that's a good idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is like the nuclear football with members of the state. One of you has to have it at all times.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So I got on my scooter after about 15 shots, and I had one of those mesh bags with big open holes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not on a scooter.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And it was on a thumb drive. I know. No, it's still happening, smartass.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it premiered at a festival, right?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival last year. And then. And I don't know if you know how it all works, but these festivals now comes the bargaining part.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, this is in Dabda. It's denial, anger, bargaining, resentment. Resentment, Dabdra.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And then murder.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think we have a guest named Darbara coming up a little later.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

By the way, everybody knows Darbar.

[Scott Aukerman]

Darbar. Well, that's great. I want to see it.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's gonna happen. It is gonna happen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do they deal with. Did I ask you this last time? Do they deal with Michael Ian Black almost killing several members in the car?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

What's strange, there's so much in the documentary that we don't even get to the point that half of the state almost died in a horrific accident. This is true.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's like, it's. We miss. We miss. There are so many things that are not in there because there's so much

[Scott Aukerman]

that is supposed to be like a 10 part series or something like that, but there's probably enough footage, right?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

There's plenty of footage.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, we never.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

There's plenty of footage on Mr. Show,

[Scott Aukerman]

which, by the way, in that one Rolling Stone article about best comedy sketch shows of the 90s came in at number one. And you were number too. And Tom Lennon never lets me Forget it.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

But he made a T shirt of it. I think he wanted me to wear it today. But.

[Scott Aukerman]

But where were we gonna say, oh, yeah, we never filmed anything? And you guys were like. Had had cameras and everything, you know,

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I think it's because that's the way we started. David Wayne's dad had a video camera. So when we were in college, we wanted to. To be part of this show that it was Jon Stewart's first time on television. And it was a show called. You'd wrote it, you watch it, he was the host of it. And we heard that this show was happening. David Wayne's sister's ex boyfriend was working on the show, and he was telling David about it, and David said, well, we. We could do the sketches for it. And. And MTV was like, who are you? Like, what, you're 18 years? Like, no, thank you. And so we just. We did it anyway. We filmed them and we. David brought them over and said, here's these if you want them. And they were like, oh, great. So they hired us and we became the sketch group that did. And so that's so funny, that show. You wrote it, you watch it became later the Jon Stewart show and then became the state.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's such a mixture of, first of all, you, proximity. You guys were in New York where all of this was happening. And so that's one thing that people have to do is like, move to a place where things are happening sometimes, but also just. Just go, you know, gumption, I guess, for lack of a better word, if I could use something from the 1910s. But it just. You guys were go getters and. Or goes getter. And you went out there and tried to do it and it all. It all worked out. And look at you now.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I love your pos. Been on it. I would say we were like egotistical assholes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's implied.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I don't know where we had the confidence that we thought, well, of course we're going to be on TV and work together forever. You have now, 38 years later.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's incredible. Well, what. And now you're here in the three timers club on comedy bang bang.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And this is like, it's a good day to die.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll see if we can make that happen. But first you got to kill Hitler, of course, as a baby. But, well, Carrie, Kenny Silver, the four seasons, Everyone check it out. And be on the lookout for the state documentary. We're gonna take a break. When we come back, we have a trader Joe's cashier We also have someone named Darbar. I hyped it up kind of earlier, but we're gonna be right back with more Carrie, Kenny Silver, more comedy. Bang Bang. We'll be right back. Summer always changes how you get dressed, right? You want pieces that feel lighter and more breathable. Things that are easy but still put together. Well, I gotta say, that is where Quince comes in. They focus on high quality essentials that look and feel amazing. Think breathable linen and soft organic cotton. And Quince goes way beyond clothing too. They have custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware, premium bedding and more for your home. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for everything. We get a lot of stuff from Quince. At my house, my daughter wears one particular Quince dress. It's her favorite thing. We put it in the laundry every two days, I think because she always wants to wear it. Plus, we're getting a lot of bedding from there. It's really, really nice. She finally has a big girl bed that we have. Put a bunch of Quint's blankets on. It's really fantastic stuff. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com Bang Bang for free shipping on your 365 day returns. Now available, by the way, in Canada too. That is Quincom Bang Bang for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com Bang Bang. Your outdoor space is where you unwind and make memories. So make it count. Belgard pavers are designed to elevate your outdoors. Design forward and built to last. Learn more belgard.com that's B L G-A-R

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

D.com they say if you want to

[Scott Aukerman]

go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together. At Amica Insurance, we're built for our customers and prioritize your needs. Visit amica.com and get a quote today. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Carrie, Kenny Silver is here. Of course. Of the four seasons, can you give us anything? What season does it start with this time? Because did it. It ended in winter last time.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

If I'm remembering, I'm afraid of getting in trouble.

[Scott Aukerman]

You gotta give me one thing. Is it grads and dads? Is it Christmas time? What's happening?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

You just nailed it.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is unbelievable. Dads and dads. But at Christmas time.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So I don't know what. I don't know what Christmas.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who graduated a semester late or no.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It is the next season of the four seasons.

[Scott Aukerman]

Trying to be very general. Very general. Because it ended in winter, didn't it?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, first season.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it's spring.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I'm holding your feet to the fire on this.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

This really hurts. And I. If Ted Sarandos is mad at me for giving up anything, just know that my feet are now burned.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's not paying attention to this. Is he out there paying attention to this? It is surprising because I worked with him briefly and, and, and the things he knows about.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

He's phenomenal.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's one of the nosiest heads of these companies.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Let's talk about this for a real life thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

He is such a fan.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's a fan of 90s comedy guy

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

that I am always surprised every time I see him and he brings up a Viva variety reference or a state reference.

[Scott Aukerman]

The very first Netflix original was the Comedians of Comedy with Zach and Brian.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

God bless. And that's probably why he's still, you know, the real deal, because he's not. He's not some faker that wants to. Wants to know. I mean, I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with network people who are like half my age who are like, oh, I loved you in that show that you did. The. Where you guys were all the police,

[Xander Holyfield]

the band, the police.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're Sting, right? Yeah. You are blonde, right? Right. Now you could pull off a Sting biopic, I think.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Put it out there, baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's manifest this.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I am ready to stretch this instrument.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I mean, we say that meaning tantric sex for three hours.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, that I cannot do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I can barely do the like Qi Gong three minute old lady thing that you see on the Internet.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have no idea what you're talking about. Is this a sex thing or is this possibly.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So I have not gotten off on it yet. It's a lot of just arm rotation.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you'll get there.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

We'll get there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, the four seasons. Everyone check out season two. We need to get to our next guest. He. You ever shop at Trader Joe's?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

All the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Big fan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it. Is. Is that a west of the Mississippi thing or do they have them out in the East Coast? I have no idea.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's such a good question.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've never seen one out in the wild other than in California, but if people don't know it's a. It's a grocery store. We have a cashier for Trader Joe's here. Please welcome Xander Hollywood Field.

[Xander Holyfield]

Hey, what's happening, Scott? I'm Xander. I'm going to be helping you out today.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry, Why'd you laugh before you said that?

[Xander Holyfield]

Awesome. You find everything you need?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I. I mean, this is my studio.

[Xander Holyfield]

Right, Right. But did you find everything you need

[Scott Aukerman]

within your microphone right now?

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great. Yeah, I found this.

[Xander Holyfield]

What religion do you think is the one true religion, by the way? Just. Just asking.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I. You have any. Any theories about this? I've never really thought about it.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I haven't thought about it either, but why?

[Xander Holyfield]

I'm going to be helping you out today, by the way.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, hey. Yeah. I just saw you.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Say the same thing.

[Xander Holyfield]

Great. How's your. How's your Monday going so far?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So far so good.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's great. Great.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yep.

[Xander Holyfield]

Any other plans for the rest of your day?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Why do I feel like you're looking through my clothes right now?

[Xander Holyfield]

I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable in that kind of way.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, it's not that.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not a bad X ray goggles that you have on that you got from the back of a comic book.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, sorry. Some guys were passing these around the break room. They're a gas. Man. Everyone here loves working here.

[Scott Aukerman]

To answer your question, I think there's a lot of overlap in a lot of the religions. There is probably a colonel truth in all of them.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Xander Holyfield]

What a great, thoughtful answer. How much money do you make before and after taxes?

[Scott Aukerman]

Before and after? Just. Just ask. Surprisingly more after.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Xander Holyfield]

So you're cheating somehow. That's great. That's fantastic.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. But let's get back to my taxes.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, yeah, yeah, please. Well, hey, I'm just happy that you're making money, you know. It's great. I make about $40,000 here over the course of one calendar year. Just to offer you a little bit of.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about a fiscal year? Do you mind? Me? Fiscal year?

[Xander Holyfield]

God. If we're going quarter by quarter, I hate to break it down like that. Let me text my account an accountant real quick.

[Scott Aukerman]

About 10,000 a quarter, maybe.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, probably about 10k a quarter. Wow. Wow. So you're good at math, huh?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, you know, just. I think basic math.

[Xander Holyfield]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Four into 40,000. It's pretty.

[Xander Holyfield]

Hey, by the way, just, you know, keep an eye out. The roasted garlic raw salmon hummus has been recalled. So just.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just want to. It's still out on the shelves.

[Xander Holyfield]

It's some we have. We can't get it off all the shelves. I keep trying to. They. I keep trying to find all the shelves that have it on it.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Sander, if you want. That's sounds really Dangerous. I would be happy to stand at your station, really, and just tell people it's closed while you run around and grab. That would be because someone could die.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you willing to ring the bell? Why do they ring the bell again?

[Xander Holyfield]

Ring the bell, Ring.

[Scott Aukerman]

People have exact change.

[Xander Holyfield]

It happens for a lot of. It's either exact change or it's sort of our version of Code Hula Hoop. Do you watch the Pit?

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I have, but I haven't seen this. I haven't rapped about it yet, if that's what you're asking. Asking.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So if someone dies in the store, you ring the bell?

[Xander Holyfield]

No. Code Hula Hoop is in the Pit is when a nurse or a doctor is assaulted by a patient. So if one of you were to assault me, I would ring the bell as loud as I possibly could just so that other cashiers could come and save my life.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so we'd want to make sure that he can't get to the bell.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Right?

[Xander Holyfield]

That's a little pro tip for you guys. If you want to kill me dead without anyone intervening, keep my hands away from the big bell, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

How often does that happen in a Trader Joe's? Because you guys.

[Xander Holyfield]

More than you think.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah. You got.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, Carrie, you know, you shop at Trader Joe's all the time, as have I. Like, you guys have a certain thing. And I'm seeing it from you.

[Xander Holyfield]

You're.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

You're, like, very personable.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very personable, but in a. In a sort of performative manner.

[Xander Holyfield]

I'm sorry that you think it's performative. For me, it's completely genuine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks for the apology. I accept it. Welcome.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

God. I mean, you're the kind of guy I would. I would rent a room to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Totally. I don't need to know anything else about you.

[Xander Holyfield]

No, well, you shouldn't have to. I mean, everyone should be this curious about other people, right? This is how you form connection, a real community. I've always been really curious just because I've only lived in human society for the last six years, so I'm still, like, catching up, you know what I mean?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you AI?

[Xander Holyfield]

No. No. Wow. That would be amazing if I was AI. Do you think AI will kill us all, by the way? I mean, it's got to take over.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, certainly. But I want to backtrack just a little bit. Yeah. Six years ago is as long as you've been living within human. Human society.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, before that, I was. I was living in the woods by myself. Like. Well, have you seen Nell? Are you familiar with Nell?

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, Scott hasn't seen, but I would love for you to come on and talk about Nell.

[Xander Holyfield]

That'd be great.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just added it to the list, realized it was a serious admission, but.

[Xander Holyfield]

Well, if you don't know Nell, when Jodie Foster was a weird woman who lived in the woods all alone and had her own language, Was she weird

[Scott Aukerman]

because she did that or did she do that because she was weird?

[Xander Holyfield]

Boy, I'd have to re watch it to be sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, you'll come on the show. I don't know.

[Xander Holyfield]

I don't know if she was abandoned in the woods because she was weird and then grew up.

[Scott Aukerman]

She was abandoned?

[Xander Holyfield]

Well, I don't really remember. Anyway, how did she get there?

[Scott Aukerman]

We don't know.

[Xander Holyfield]

We don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

But she, she was weird and she lived in the woods because she had

[Xander Holyfield]

no frame of reference for human society. She didn't grow up with our language.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Sometimes two things can be true, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, she didn't. Our laws.

[Xander Holyfield]

Exactly. And so it was a similar thing for me. I grew up in the woods by myself and I was only found by a team of linguistic researchers about six years ago. And so I've just been playing catch up on getting to know everything about people and humanity.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, you're so good at it. Six years.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you have your own made up language that you spoke before?

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, sure did. I had to. I mean, I had to find a way to talk to the squirrels and the bugs and everything.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can we hear a little bit of it?

[Xander Holyfield]

Well, certainly. I mean it sounded a little bit like blah, blah, blah. I mean there's a lot of just phonetic sounds, a lot of very tongue based.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you knew what each word meant in. In terms of.

[Xander Holyfield]

Certainly. Of course.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So there's no chance that like six years ago something happened and you changed your name and tis told and you

[Scott Aukerman]

told this weird lie about growing up in the woods?

[Xander Holyfield]

I can't imagine that would be the case. I have nothing to hide.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like if we were to to do like a Google image search on you,

[Xander Holyfield]

like a reverse image search. Like if you took a picture of me and put that in the Google search bar, pictures of me came up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. With any news stories come up?

[Xander Holyfield]

No way, man. Absolutely not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Xander Holyfield]

Hey, how do you think you're gonna die, by the way? For me, I think it's going to be a car accident. I feel certain it'll be a car in the car.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or you're going to be walking in a car.

[Xander Holyfield]

I really don't know. I don't even drive recklessly. I just feel deep in my bones

[Scott Aukerman]

that I will involve in a car accident.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah. I don't know. What do you guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think it will. Yeah, I think. I mean, I don't know. I'm. I'm aiming for old age, but I'm not sure it's going to get there.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Quite honestly, I'm not really thinking. What I'm just thinking about is, could you please not put that big roast on top of my grapes?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sorry.

[Xander Holyfield]

Because I'm crushing the grapes because I put this whole hambock on.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Not that I don't love talking. Talking about death at checkout.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

With 16 people behind me and I'm late for a brunch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, you're late for. You like brunch, huh? What is. What are your thoughts on Holland Days? It's a little heavy, isn't it?

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, the eggs of it all can. The eggs of it all, they can lead to infection. So if you ever have food poisoning, that's one of the first questions they ask is if you had holidays.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, my gosh. And I just heard that if you eat eggs too often, you could develop an allergy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Two eggs or just something else?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, no. Too many eggs in a row in a too many days.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you developing the allergy to eggs? Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

And I just heard that our lemon ginger yuzu brown jumbo eggs have listeria. So do not get those.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Are there any. I feel like this is a time to ask. Are there any other recalls? Because they already. We've talked for maybe three minutes and you brought up two that are still currently.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

Let me check my little card here. Okay. Of course. The gruyere, wasabi, pretzel nuggets. Those have been recorded.

[Scott Aukerman]

Those have been bad for a while.

[Xander Holyfield]

Those have been bad for a long.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Still in the store, though.

[Xander Holyfield]

Still in the store. They're all over. Well, they. Shelves constantly.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, I've noticed.

[Xander Holyfield]

It's interesting because. And we asked earlier how often we get assaulted. It's almost. It's almost daily because so often people come in looking for one specific thing nowhere to be found.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

And yet something that is physically dangerous to them to consume is available everywhere

[Scott Aukerman]

and also culturally inappropriate. You still have all the Trader Jose stuff out here.

[Xander Holyfield]

I was. Yeah. What do you think about us subdividing different ethnic cuisine into different names? Like Trader Ming was sort of the ace food for a long time. It's pretty problematic, isn't it?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I have no opinion of it because I don't want anyone going back and looking at these episodes for

[Xander Holyfield]

any of that kind of stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, sure.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah. You don't want anyone reverse image searching you, finding any old content.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

If I could just make a suggestion. You guys spend, I would assume, a good amount of time hiding for people who don't know about this, maybe on the east coast or where the show is or not. There is a hidden little rabbit, I think, that is hidden in the store.

[Scott Aukerman]

And if I don't know about this,

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

if you find it, this is something fun to do with the kids or just.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or yourself.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yourself, a live rabbit or anyone can do it. It's a. It's a little treasure, a little stuffed animal. And. And when you get to check out, you say, I found it. And you tell them where you found it. Then they ring the little bell.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's one of. That's the third one of all.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Either someone's been assaulted, someone's been raped, or they found a bunny.

[Xander Holyfield]

It's really dumb, high stakes.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And then they give you, like, a little candy.

[Xander Holyfield]

Wow.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, they give you what kind?

[Xander Holyfield]

Well, we could give you some of our lemon cayenne, gin, peanut butter cups. We cut out the chocolate. It's just lemon and peanut butter. Peanut butter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Disgusting.

[Xander Holyfield]

You got to try it.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

But if you spent less time maybe finding new places to hide the bunny and more times finding the foods that have been recalled, that could actually kill someone.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's interesting. But I would hate to kill my childlike sense of wonder. Wonder, you know what I mean? And so to hide that throughout the store keeps a wonderful game alive in a way that is just more important to me than whether somebody gets sick eating weird eggs.

[Scott Aukerman]

How often are you doing this during the day? Are you doing this multiple times a day?

[Xander Holyfield]

Or is it hiding the thing? Yeah, I'll. I'm constantly hiding it. I probably move it every 20 minutes.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, wow.

[Xander Holyfield]

Because I just get sick.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So if you're doing a shop that's longer than 20 minutes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Xander Holyfield]

And if you see me sprinting around the floor going, where am I going to put this thing?

[Scott Aukerman]

You're saying this out loud.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah. Well, I'll talk to anyone. Talk to anyone at any time for any length of time that they'll talk to me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Getting back to the whole thing that happened six years ago, supposedly with the fake language. Were you a virgin up until six years or so ago?

[Xander Holyfield]

A virgin in the human sense of the word.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you had Sex with?

[Xander Holyfield]

No, no, no. I had sex with the ground.

[Scott Aukerman]

With the ground? Dalton Wilcox style. I don't know. Did you ever see him do any of this?

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, yeah, right. He's cowboy poet who had sex with the hole in the desert. Yeah, I had sex with a mossy bank. New York.

[Scott Aukerman]

You guys have a lot in common.

[Xander Holyfield]

Check them out.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Who hasn't?

[Xander Holyfield]

Okay. Nice. You've had sex with a bit of moss.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, not. Of course not me, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I've heard tell, you know, from my grandparents.

[Xander Holyfield]

Got it.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the. That's the wonderful side of the tree that you can have sex with. Right? The mossy side of it.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, God. Let me tell you, it is really welcoming and.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

But do not stick your dick in a woodpecker hole. This is something my great grandmother taught me.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's great.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I have yet to have to. To. To worry about it, but I do tell all of my friends.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right? Yeah, it's.

[Xander Holyfield]

It's a good tip.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now you have never. Just to. Just to be totally clear about your storyline.

[Xander Holyfield]

Clear. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

If I were to do this reverse Google image search of you, no news stories would come up of you prior to six years or so ago having sex with animals.

[Xander Holyfield]

No. I don't see why they would. It doesn't make any sense that you've

[Scott Aukerman]

never had sex with animals.

[Xander Holyfield]

I've never had sex with the animals. Certainly not in Edom Claw, Washington, one of the capitals of bestiality in North America.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. I'll take you your word.

[Xander Holyfield]

Hey, speaking of which, do you think you could survive in a prison environment? I don't know if I could. I'm just asking people.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it depends on which kind of prison environment.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Maybe the fancy ones.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah. I mean, you'd have to join one of those gangs, right? I'd have trouble doing that. I don't want to throw in with the Aryan Nation, but given my racial background, being Caucasian, I feel like I'd be obligated to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, that's a good point.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think I do okay there.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I really haven't given as much thought as you have, apparently.

[Xander Holyfield]

I know. No, it's. Well, it's a lot to think about.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Well, you've been you. With all that time in the woods, you had a lot of time to think.

[Xander Holyfield]

I sure did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

Hey, do you think that our dreams reveal deep truths about the mysterious nature of things around us that we can't fully understand?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think that we transport ourselves into alternate dimensions during our dreams where this stuff is actually happening and vice versa.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, you've been listening to the telepathy tapes. Not to. Not to.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have not, but I've heard of them. Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Who does?

[Scott Aukerman]

I believe?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I mean, after you listen to Comedy Bang, Bang Bang, then you could listen

[Scott Aukerman]

to yes, of course. Or just pause it right now.

[Xander Holyfield]

Because I saw a doc.

[Scott Aukerman]

And when I say pause, I mean stop.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's right, Just stop it. Because I saw a documentary a few years after I got out of the woods called For All Mankind that was interviewing all the Apollo astronauts, and one of them said he had gone to sleep on the moon. Right. He slept in the capsule on the moon. And he said he had a long, vivid dream where he met an older version of himself on the surface of the moon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Xander Holyfield]

And I feel like by having a dream in outer space, he was completely untethered from our gravity and our frames of reference, and he was able to access the truth, which is maybe we've been on the moon this whole time. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Do you live alone?

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's your. What's your living situation like? Do you try to replicate what it was like? You know how when people get back from the armed service overseas, like in Iraq or whatever, they. They. They tend to sleep on the ground outside because they can't.

[Xander Holyfield]

With, like, a loaded gun in their mouth?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you do that with a loaded gun or.

[Xander Holyfield]

I. I keep it unloaded and it. But it. And it's a cap gun. It's fun. It's a fun cap gun. Just to keep you.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That is fun.

[Xander Holyfield]

I went to the children's section of IKEA when I got my first apartment in North Hollywood, and they have all sorts of stuff to make a room, like a child's room look like the woods. Like big fake leaves and different trees and, you know, tree stumps as a stool and stuff. So I did buy some of that for my apartment. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it makes you feel better?

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, it does. It makes me feel more at home the way I would have been in the mysterious woods in which I definitely grew up.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you put some moss in there to have sex with.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Child's death. Dentist waiting room.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, it is sort of like, do

[Scott Aukerman]

you get a toy every time you visit it?

[Xander Holyfield]

I try to give myself a. A nice. A lot. A lot. We have lots of artisan lollipops here at Trader Joe's. Yeah, there's some. There's some root beer, rutabaga, beetroot.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Two roots. Oh, the three roots.

[Xander Holyfield]

Because there's beetroot in it as well. And those are delicious lollipops.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Have you. What happens when you have someone over a significant other has that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Have you been dating?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Have you dated anyone?

[Scott Aukerman]

God.

[Xander Holyfield]

Your lips to God's ears. And I hope the true one, true God, we didn't really figure out who he was, but I would love to start dating, but it's very hard. I have a lot of trouble relating to people and people think I come on too fast.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you're not having sex with animals currently?

[Xander Holyfield]

No. Why would I do that? Do you have any good.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Do you have any in your. In your home currently?

[Xander Holyfield]

Do I have animals in my home? Yeah, I'm. I. I'm not allowed to, but I. I would like to at some point be able to adopt.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'm not. No follow up questions.

[Xander Holyfield]

Great. I'd love to not answer any follow up questions.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That's fine.

[Xander Holyfield]

So that's fantastic for me.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are we, Nightline? I'm just grilling.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Some people might be eating lunch right now.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. They might be eating a delicious tarragon chicken salad wrap which have been recalled.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no. It sounds like everything has been recalled.

[Xander Holyfield]

A lot of stuff has been recalled. I don't know what's going on with our commissary, but nothing good apparently. So, you know, we just gotta do the best we can. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. So do you have any hopes and dreams? I mean, you can't stay at Trader Joe's forever, right?

[Xander Holyfield]

You actually can. There's a lot of people who work here till they're very elderly.

[Scott Aukerman]

I see a lot of people with long scraggly beards there. Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

And also long, scraggly ponytails.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, there's a lot.

[Xander Holyfield]

If you look around, there's a lot of cashiers who seem to have a great deal of physical trouble lifting your bag into the cart and so you can. I'm hoping to work here at least until I'm not able to do that anymore.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

But I just love. I love how forgiving the place is too. Like, I'm shocked to see that you're not wearing any shoes.

[Xander Holyfield]

No, they. They allow me not to wear shoes because they understand the alternative manner in which I grew. As long as I'm not in the back preparing free samples, I'm allowed to wander the floor just barefoot like a hobbit.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you've never had sex with an animal on the floor of Trader Joe's, right?

[Xander Holyfield]

No, of course not. It wouldn't make sense. I'd need a key and the access code to the security system to get it after dark. I mean, that'd be a lot of

[Scott Aukerman]

responsibility because you only have sex with animals after dark.

[Xander Holyfield]

No, no, no, I don't have sex period. Okay. I'm trying to find a girlfriend.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That rabbit that you are often running around with saying, where do I put it? Where do I put it?

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you talking about when you say where do I put it?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And with it at. At night, like are you in charge of it?

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, I'm the one who's in charge of the little rabbit and I do take it home, but it's just I sleep with it next to the loaded cap gun. It's just a cute. It's nothing untoward happens.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Xander Holyfield]

Speaking of forgiving, who's the creative artist whose work you still enjoy even though there's overwhelming evidence that they've committed unspeakable crimes? For me, it's got to be Michael Jackson, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, look, he's got some banks.

[Xander Holyfield]

Infectious. Yeah, but it's an interesting question.

[Scott Aukerman]

It truly is an interesting question.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I do love Beat It.

[Xander Holyfield]

We, we gotta love that song. I mean, my God. Do you know that's Billie Jean is Melania Trump's favorite song that was in that documentary.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, you saw the documentary?

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Did you go to the theater to see it?

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, I did. I go to the theater to see everything. Just cuz I'm so fascinated by moving images. Cuz I didn't see them until six years.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, movies. Yeah, when they first came out in the 20s or whatever. Like Lumiere and all that. Right.

[Xander Holyfield]

Like the train pulling into the station.

[Scott Aukerman]

So boring. So like anything must be just fascinating.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, it's unbelievable. Who'd you guys vote for, by the way? Speaking of Melania, I voted for her. Right. And voted for Milani.

[Scott Aukerman]

Me too.

[Xander Holyfield]

I haven't found anyone else who wrote

[Scott Aukerman]

in Milani across the board for every position.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I did not vote for Trump, but I prayed for Melania.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's so interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

What an interesting bifurcation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. That's a wonderful bumper sticker, by the way. Very confusing bumper sticker to read out in the wild.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Very contentious in my household.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Speaking out in the wild. You ever hope to get back there? You ever like, you must miss your friends?

[Xander Holyfield]

I would love to. You know, obviously I had a lot of friends out in the woods, but I've sort of torn between the two worlds. Right. Like I love the quiet peace of the beautiful pastoral scenes in Nature, away from the hubub of the city. But I also love slapping on a Hawaiian shirt and throwing a bunch of ginger snaps into the hot tote bag. So I. I don't know where to go.

[Scott Aukerman]

You ever think about combining your two interests and, like, slapping on a Hawaiian shirt and going out in the woods and having sex with animals?

[Xander Holyfield]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Scott, please. How would that even work? Like, I just wear a Hawaiian shirt on top and nothing on bottom, Like Winnie the Pooh on vacation. It doesn't make sense.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Almost like you pictured it yourself.

[Xander Holyfield]

No, no, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's almost like you've done it and have pictures of it.

[Xander Holyfield]

Shut the up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't come to my own studio,

[Xander Holyfield]

you smoking like this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry.

[Darbara Meatbag]

You're right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Trader Joe's employee.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah. Okay, we're ringing the bell. That's all right. Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Sorry.

[Xander Holyfield]

I'll calm down.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's okay. It's okay. Xander Holyfield. My gosh.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

And you.

[Scott Aukerman]

And. And you were given that name when

[Xander Holyfield]

you were entered society, or you picked it. Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, you picked it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was it a combination of two?

[Xander Holyfield]

Was. Xander just sounded like a guy who would work at Trader Joe's? And then.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then you did a pun on Evander Holyfield. Well, Xander, look, we. Yeah, we're running out of time on this segment. No, really, we are, but can you stick around? I'd love to.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't.

[Xander Holyfield]

I.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have a concerned citizen coming up.

[Xander Holyfield]

If I don't get to talk to a concerned citizen, I think my heart will explode.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, I don't want that to happen.

[Xander Holyfield]

Okay, good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because, you know, Carrie here is gonna die after today's episode.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, maybe in the car accident. That kills me.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

This. I mean, anything is possible.

[Xander Holyfield]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, let's.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I'll tell you one thing. I am not going hiking with you.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, okay. Damn, that makes me sad.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think you're at risk. I think you just have to watch.

[Xander Holyfield]

Okay, no one's at risk of anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, we're going to take a break here. When we come back, we're going to have more with Xander Holyfield, more Carrie, Kenny Silver, and a concerned citizen. We'll be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after this.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Hey, it's Kelly Ripa, and if you

[Scott Aukerman]

don't know, I have a podcast where I get to say whatever I want. Hold.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Let me get a shovel and a body bag.

[Scott Aukerman]

I envision doing a podcast with the conversations that happen in my dressing room off camera, where people feel free to talk. No hair, no makeup. This is my kind of job.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Only Kelly Ripa can ask me these questions.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm flipping the script and saying what's really on my mind.

[Xander Holyfield]

We're seeing a different side of you. It's a little bit more honest.

[Scott Aukerman]

When the cameras go off, the real fun begins.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Get my hair done over here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, this isn't on off camera podcast, so it doesn't even matter. It's unfiltered conversations and unexpected confessions. My mom says, woody, I knew you're dead.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Stop the presses.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I would like to volunteer to administer

[Darbara Meatbag]

any and all DNA tests.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe that should be part of the show. Let's talk off camera with me Kelly Ripoff.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

You just put that in the universe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts. At Amica Insurance, we know it's not

[Darbara Meatbag]

just what's inside your home that matters. It's who you share it with. That's why we work even harder to protect it.

[Scott Aukerman]

And as a mutual insurance company, we're built for our customers. We prioritize your needs and are here for you when you need us.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Amica empathy is our best policy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Visit amica.com and get a quote. Today,

[Darbara Meatbag]

it's my first day of work, and I need to make a big

[Xander Holyfield]

impression from executive producer Mindy Kaling.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

This is our sexual harassment training.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Hands off your co workers.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Now sign this saying that I trained you. Oh, you're fired.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yes, ma'.

[Xander Holyfield]

Am.

[Scott Aukerman]

Work relationships are too messy. I just met the woman of my dreams. You gotta chill out and not come on too strong. And that goes against my entire person personality. But I'll try.

[Xander Holyfield]

Watch the new Hulu original series not suitable for work, premiering June 2 on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for

[Scott Aukerman]

bundle subscribers terms apply. Comedy Bang bang. We're back. Car. Kenny Silver. Here is here is here is here.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I am here, here, here, here.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I said is here for four times for the four seasons in celebration of the second season of which is it. Is there a plan to stop after 4? Like, you know what I mean?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Or is it say that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, because it would be great to have, like, eight seasons, right?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Second season of the four seasons.

[Scott Aukerman]

Should it be like 60 minutes where it just keeps going? Or there's always seasons and there's always 60 Minutes correspondence. They could step in when all of your characters die. Like, I'm Leslie Stahl and welcome to the four seasons.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Well, I don't know if that's gonna happen, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but we also have Xander Holyfield here.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, what's going on Trader Joe's.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's right. Hey, which 60 Minutes correspondent do you think would give you the wettest kiss?

[Scott Aukerman]

Steve Croft is Croft.

[Xander Holyfield]

Croft. But he has such thin little lips.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it doesn't add up.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That's why it might.

[Xander Holyfield]

Hey, I'm going to write that down as a pop culture phrase. I should learn.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you should learn. I believe.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

How did you know it was a pop culture phrase?

[Xander Holyfield]

Well, just because it sounded like a, you know, like a catchphrase. Like I've been catching up on a lot of catchphrases. Like what?

[Scott Aukerman]

What are your favorites?

[Xander Holyfield]

Well, there's Bazinga. Of course we like that. What you talking about, Willis?

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't have a cow man. Maybe. I'm still thinking about maybe Maggie Simpson shooting Mr. Burton.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh my God, I've never stopped thinking about it. Remember when Smithers was black for the

[Scott Aukerman]

first season or something? I mean, he definitely had some color to it, but I. Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

Why do you think they changed that? There must have been an internal conversation about it that seems disturbing. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You think we'll ever get the real behind the scenes skinny about that?

[Xander Holyfield]

I don't know. If any of the people who work on the Simpsons come in, I'll definitely ask them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, definitely. Yeah. If you see Matt Selman out there in the, in the checkout lines, give him a holler.

[Xander Holyfield]

I'll talk his ear off.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, we need to get to our next.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

We know that's true.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's a concerned citizen and her name is Darbara. I talked about this earlier. Please welcome to the show Darba Meatbag.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Hi, Scott. Thanks for having me.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's my pleasure. So it's a welcome. It's a welcome to have you. Of course, as we always say with people here on this show. This is of course Xander Holyfield. We have Kerry, Kenny Silver. Hi.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Hi. Nice to meet you.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Nice to meet you. I'm thrilled to. To meet specifically Scott and Carrie. I will say Xander scared me a little bit.

[Xander Holyfield]

I get that all the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

I understand that.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

But Carrie and I are very non threatening people.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yeah. This side of the table.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedians from the 90s, right?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

The gentlest form of Gen X.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, exactly. How are you? It's so wonderful to meet you.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I'm not good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, I'm so sorry to hear that. Darbar, what's going on?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Last night I had an experience that scared me to tears.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Well, I. Is that what you're here to talk about or are you concerned about something different?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Well, it all is. It's all. It's all kind of wrapped up in one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, let's. Let's start with what happened last night and we'll work our way backwards.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I'd love to tell you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. What are you.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Last night I went to the mall. I had to buy a top. A classic top with a few buttons. Hits right at the hip, beautiful fit.

[Scott Aukerman]

And was this for an occasion or. This was just my day to day life.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Monday through Friday, I like to wear a classic top.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you were out of tops? You said you had to buy it, that's why.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Had to buy it.

[Xander Holyfield]

Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I singed a top on the stove and I had to get a replacement.

[Scott Aukerman]

Doing what, if you don't mind me asking?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Oh, just cooking my six egg breakfast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, six eggs. That's a lot.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Just for you. The six eggs?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yes, just for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, that's like Rocky style. I mean. I mean he wasn't cooking them and he was running up a bunch of steps.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Six eggs is a classic breakfast. You get a protein boost and then you're on with it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You think Rocky, if they were to make a new one, he would run up the steps and see the statue of himself and kind of wink at a himself.

[Darbara Meatbag]

If that happened, Scott, I would not be happy. That is simply too weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is too weird.

[Xander Holyfield]

I agree.

[Scott Aukerman]

I agree. Darba. Now I. I'm also not convinced it hasn't happened in one of those movies.

[Xander Holyfield]

In fact, I'm almost certain that it did. That is, I believe it. Possibly Creed 1 or 2 thinking of

[Scott Aukerman]

it from me actually watching the movies. Well, Darbar. So you were out. You were out buying a top. Mall.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I was buying a top at the mall.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or at least exchanging it. You had to get a.

[Darbara Meatbag]

No, I had to get a new one.

[Scott Aukerman]

You had to get a. I had

[Darbara Meatbag]

to get a new top. And after I bought my top, I was absolutely parched and I went to the food court and I went to get a soda pop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

And I'll tell you what happened at the machine.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

What happened?

[Scott Aukerman]

There's a machine instead of one of the actual. You were in the food court. You went to a machine to go get yourself.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I went to the. Yes. For a fountain soda. To get a classic Coca Cola.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a fountain soda in a machine.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Well, that's the thing.

[Xander Holyfield]

You would call that a fountain, wouldn't you? I mean, sure. It's not like a phosphate from 1932.

[Scott Aukerman]

Xander, shut the up. I'm trying to talk to Dara over here.

[Xander Holyfield]

Gives as good as he gets.

[Darbara Meatbag]

That's the thing. I thought I was opting into a normal experience at the soda fountain and instead they changed it to a Coke Freestyle machine. And the young man in front of me at the Coke Freestyle machine, he poured himself a cup. Listen to this. Okay, Scott, Cary, you'll get this. Xander, I don't know about you, I

[Scott Aukerman]

don't even try to keep up. I don't know what Coke Freestyle even is.

[Darbara Meatbag]

It's a machine where you can mix and match any flavor you want up to 100 plus combinations.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, I don't have time for that.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Disgusting.

[Xander Holyfield]

It's like the way an old soda fountain thing used to look, but it has a big touchscreen and you could scroll through a million menus to find like way too many flavors.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's not annoying if you're standing behind someone.

[Xander Holyfield]

Not at all.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Not at all. You've probably seen him at the movie theater.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, I, I, I see them all the time. And I, I get every soda.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, I bet that's.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you haven't had sex with any of these machines, right?

[Xander Holyfield]

No. No. How would it work? There's not even a convenient waist high port.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Okay, he's thought this out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

It just pissed me off.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what was piss? What, what pissed you off about it? He, he was doing too many flavors.

[Darbara Meatbag]

He. Listen to what this young man got.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

He filled his cup with ice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's pretty standard.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So far so good.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Then he adds cherry vanilla Coke. I'm going, okay. Borderline. Too many flavors. And then he tops it off with a little bit of root beer.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, that's weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a little strange.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It doesn't make me mad, but it's weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

It made me fur.

[Darbara Meatbag]

It's odd.

[Scott Aukerman]

It scared me. It scared you?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Just be normal. Just be normal.

[Scott Aukerman]

So are you some sort of soda fountain Karen or something? What? What?

[Darbara Meatbag]

I just, you know what if I need to be? Will, I just think I'm sick of people getting too creative these days. Just go to the machine, get a normal soda.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the thing.

[Darbara Meatbag]

If they done.

[Scott Aukerman]

If they wanted people to drink cherry vanilla Coke with a little bit of root beer on top, they would create the flavor that tastes like that. Right?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Or we just stick to the classics.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you drink when you're at the the fountain?

[Darbara Meatbag]

I'm drinking regular Coke. No ice.

[Scott Aukerman]

No ice. Are you from the very hardcore?

[Darbara Meatbag]

I just like the way it comes straight from the fountain. Factory factory default settings. We're getting pure Coke, no ice.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're just raw dogging Coke out There.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yeah, absolutely. I'm drinking eight to 10 regular Cokes a day.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And do you do it in a cup or you just your hands.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Now that is just too weird. I'm using a cup.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about a straw?

[Darbara Meatbag]

A straw. Of course I'm using a straw.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not a silly straw.

[Darbara Meatbag]

If I saw the next time I see a silly straw, I'm gonna shoot it with a gun. Can I? I am sick of the silliness.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think you might miss. Cause it's all twisty and shoot a bunch of times.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Scott, can I ask you a question? I. Is this the only thing that gets you this fired up like and the rest of your life? Are you just pretty?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is everything else? Because it sounds like you have a pretty privileged life. This is getting you upset.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I'm getting upset left and right, you guys. That's why I'm here. To just spread the word. Let's just be normal guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are some of the other things you've seen out there that get you riled up?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Don't even get me started.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd love to get you started actually.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah.

[Darbara Meatbag]

On my way here, I drove here. I parked outside. Guess what I saw.

[Xander Holyfield]

Saw.

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope you parked outside. But what did you see? I don't want you driving right into my studio.

[Xander Holyfield]

It's okay that I parked inside, right?

[Darbara Meatbag]

And I found that very weird. Sandra.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's just a skateboard. That's fine.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Sandra.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yeah, I saw a PT Cruiser.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I mean it's not weird if you're in ZZ Top.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Very small car. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a little small. Very weird. Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Just.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I just don't get why people aren't doing that normal stuff anymore. Get a four door sedan and be done with it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that what you drive? A four door sedan?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yes. Classic size, fits in a parking spot. No problem. Don't need more, don't want less.

[Scott Aukerman]

Seems like you would be upset at bigger cars taking up more spaces, but you're upset at a PT Cruiser being smaller and having a lot of room to open your car door next to.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Next time I see a Ford F150, I'm going to shoot it with a gun. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I really don't think you should be doing that.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I feel like this is the third or fourth time you said I'm going to shoot it with a gun.

[Xander Holyfield]

Do you sleep with a loaded gun by your pillow?

[Darbara Meatbag]

I sleep with it nearby, yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about the.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Is it a cap? A cap gun or.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yeah, I don't know what that is.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about the stuffed Rabbit. Is that next to your pillow at all?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I just know that you were so upset with Xander earlier, but it seems like you maybe have more in common than you originally thought.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Darbara Meatbag]

No, I do not connect with this gentleman at all.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's okay. I'll connect with the next person.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I sleep very normally. I'm in a full size bed. Two pillows. I have a fitted sheet and then a sheet on top, and then I have a quilt. And if I need a little extra warmth, I get an extra blanket.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

That's it? That's all you need?

[Scott Aukerman]

No decorative pillows?

[Darbara Meatbag]

God, no. Just the classics.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I mean that. Look, honestly, your life sounds great. I'm not sure why you're so upset by.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I just. I. I have seen how scary it can get when people get too creative, and I need to be.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you mean?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Well, all right, I'll tell. I wasn't going to share.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go there. Go there, sis. Go off.

[Xander Holyfield]

Queen.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

This is where we let it off. Yes, girl. Yes.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Eleven years ago, I did MDMA at an Imagine Dragons concert, and I saw stuff that scared me to tears.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

This is the crux of it, really.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I saw men with their shirts off, women playing the drums. It just was so crazy.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I don't think his drummer is female.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I saw. I swear to God, I saw a woman pat in her lap, and it was as if she was playing the drums.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this is on the Smoke and Mirrors tour?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yes. Back in 2015, this was the Smoke and Mirrors tour. That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

The start date was April 12th of 2015, and it ended in 2016.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, we were there. Scott and I were there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course.

[Xander Holyfield]

I went to every show on that tour.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait a minute. You only got out of the woods six years ago.

[Xander Holyfield]

I mean, I would have liked to.

[Scott Aukerman]

That makes sense.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I just. You guys, when you're on MDMA at an Imagine Dragons concert, it gets freaky. And I can cannot go back there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

What made you do mdma? I mean, if you don't mind me asking, it sounds like that's not the most normal choice I've ever heard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Were you listening to some of the singles from that record, Smoke and Mirrors? Like I Bet My Life or Monster or Gold or Shots?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yes, I was listening to Monster and Golden Shots. Just those ones. You know, I chose to do MDMA that day because I was under the impression that it was a Listerine strip.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, we've done that mistake.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

The old Listerine strip.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. The minute those were introduced by Listerine, I was like, this is dangerous stuff.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah.

[Darbara Meatbag]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So you. You're not a drug taker?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Normally the only drug I take are the normal ones.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, what are we talking about?

[Darbara Meatbag]

I'm taking Ambien.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Every day, I'm taking Ambien on a regular basis.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That's normal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I'm taking a Claritin in the morning.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

And then on occasion, as me needed, I'm borrowing a Xanax from a neighbor and.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Xanax, I don't know if that's a.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a great combo, but, hey, as needed, it's normal.

[Darbara Meatbag]

On occasion, you're allowed to take a Xanax. That's normal. That's completely normal.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I. I would actually say maybe you should take more. More of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. And maybe some other psychotropics or. Psychotropics or.

[Xander Holyfield]

There's a lot of mushrooms that grow in the woods that can help calm you down and show you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not selling these at Trader Joe's, are you? These mushrooms.

[Xander Holyfield]

No, they've been fully recalled. Yeah. We're not allowed.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, the pizzas. Ice. The mushroom pizza.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah. We should have sold a psilocybin pizza.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yes. My family and I unfortunately had a night with that. We were just going to have a delicious Trader Joe's mushroom pizza.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

All three of us.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Did it scare you to tears?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, it was a pretty fun night, actually.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you see the same face?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, we also.

[Scott Aukerman]

All three of you. Wow. That proves that it's the real face of God.

[Xander Holyfield]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Look like?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

He was like, just like a regular dude.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, Regular dude. And what. What's regular to you?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Like Mormon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, sure. Yeah. The default setting.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Short haircut.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, there we go.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And he was preaching the word of God. The original word of God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Of Joseph Conrad.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Weird guy with two first names. Right?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I mean, you think it's weird, but until you've.

[Scott Aukerman]

Until you've seen the light, like. Like Conrad. It should be Conrad Bane. Where it's like a clear Deline. First name, last name.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I mean, I don't know if you're. If you're.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not a Conrad Bain fan.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Listen, Jesus is a weird name, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's. I mean, food for thought. Yeah. You know, Jesus Christ. I mean, sounds like something I would shout when I hit my thumb with a hammer.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Think about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And he was a carpenter. I don't want to get too deep, but yeah. Back to Mormonism.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I don't think we have time for that. Let's talk to Darbar. Though a bit more. So these are the things that are, that are out there pissing you off. What do you do? Can I ask what your life is like? What do you do for a living?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Well, I work at an Ashley Home furniture store where I sell couches, chairs and the occasional table.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why tables only occasionally? Not as much demand.

[Darbara Meatbag]

You only need one table per house, Scott. That's just normal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Six or eight chairs per table.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're going to say sell more chairs.

[Darbara Meatbag]

And you know what's pissing me off at the Ashley Home furniture store?

[Scott Aukerman]

What's going on there?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Sometimes I'm seeing people sit down on these chairs backwards.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, oh.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Like substitute or like 80s photo JCPenney photo style.

[Xander Holyfield]

Someone who's about to tell you that the original rapper was William Shakespeare.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Mark Marin on one of his special style.

[Darbara Meatbag]

If I, if I see another person sitting backwards in a chair, I'm shooting that chair with a gun.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Okay, I think we're on number six regular.

[Scott Aukerman]

By the way, there's been a rash of shootings here in the local Los Angeles area that have been unsolved. I just wanted to check. Yeah.

[Xander Holyfield]

If we reverse image searched your gun

[Scott Aukerman]

and its serial number, what are we gonna find?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Look, people are acting crazy these days.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, they are.

[Xander Holyfield]

I hesitate to ask you this, Ms. Meatbag, but what are your opinions on teenagers today in Gen Alpha?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I forgot that was her last name.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I actually Glad you brought it up. I don't think I even said my last name.

[Scott Aukerman]

I said it.

[Xander Holyfield]

I think it was said.

[Scott Aukerman]

I said it.

[Xander Holyfield]

But I mean, you know, teenagers aren't living maybe what you might consider a normal life, right?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yeah. And it makes me mad. It makes me really mad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it the way they're dressing? The way they're acting?

[Xander Holyfield]

Big pants.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I'm seeing the biggest pants you've ever seen, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

But then some of them are wearing small pants too.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, that's true. Short pants, long pants.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Have a pair of pants that perfectly skims the body. What's so wrong with that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, my pants should be a regulation length. Right. And we should all have to wear like jumpsuits, Right?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Next time I see a pair of cargo shorts. Do you want to know what Pantsy cargo pants. Do you want to know what I'm going to do?

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you. I, I, I, I think I know. You're going to shoot the pants with a gun, Scott, and hope to miss the leg or.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yes, of course I'm shooting the pants.

[Xander Holyfield]

Shoot the pants.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Never shoot Jenna Alpha.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I think she's speaking metaphorically. But shooting things with a gun, Right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that true?

[Darbara Meatbag]

No, that's incorrect. Carrie. I'm going to shoot it with a gun.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Trying to give you an.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Alex, cargo pants are the worst invention

[Scott Aukerman]

since the ergonomic keyboard back in like 2002 and stuff.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

They were comfy, but they didn't look great on you.

[Scott Aukerman]

They didn't look great on me?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No, no, no. Not even then.

[Scott Aukerman]

When were you seeing me in my cargo pants? Back in the early.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I'll send you some.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got some? Yeah.

[Darbara Meatbag]

That was in 2002. You were wearing these pants.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe. Might have been the 90s. I honestly, it all blends together with me, with my fashion. I think I was still at Urban outfitters until maybe 2004.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I just had to look over to make sure you weren't wearing them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now. I know I. These do have some. They. I would love to take a look at olive green.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Listen, I have. I own a pair of cargo pants.

[Xander Holyfield]

I have to come clean. I'm wearing cargo shorts right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, not susand Hollyfield.

[Xander Holyfield]

Just because I need the extra pockets to hold all my Trader Joe stuff like my box cutter and my butterfly knife. And

[Darbara Meatbag]

that's what I think of those cargo shorts.

[Xander Holyfield]

She's a perfect shot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can I see?

[Xander Holyfield]

She didn't hit me at all. But the shorts are decimated.

[Scott Aukerman]

For you to have a silencer on your gun and then be saying the word bang is such a strange combination.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

But also the fact that Xander found it funny. I just every. Everything makes you happy.

[Xander Holyfield]

Well, it's just exciting to be alive, isn't it?

[Scott Aukerman]

It really, truly, truly is.

[Xander Holyfield]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I. I hope you're not out there. I mean, it sounds like you're an excellent. And it looks like you're an excellent shot. I mean, look at those cargo shorts.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I'm an incredible shot. And guess what? Born that way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Literally, I. I have never. Not perfectly hit.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you like to star in Carrie and I's new show about a little

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

baby baby who kills Hitler as an adult.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Oh, my God.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Gosh.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Well, I'd love to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever acted before? I mean, I'm willing to give you an offer if you have at least one credit on IMDb I was in a.

[Darbara Meatbag]

A commercial for the Ashley Home furniture store one time. I stood out the. Outside the store and I waved.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Okay. I mean, that's not bad. I think. Let's book her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Can you wave right now? Just so we can see how it looks? That is.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It makes a sound.

[Xander Holyfield]

Loud wave.

[Scott Aukerman]

Easy. Loud.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I'm an incredible way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do they have to ADR what was happening outside there?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yes. Yeah, they, they had to redo all the audio because my wave was just so, so loud.

[Scott Aukerman]

That might. Do you think that's going to be an issue for us, Carry?

[Xander Holyfield]

I know I hear a wave like that and I think normal. I don't know what I mean. Sorry, I just.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you say waving a gun around?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah, I don't, I just don't want to make her angry. So we'll just tell her she's bugged.

[Xander Holyfield]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I don't get angry if everything. Normal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. We're, we're normal. We're just two comedians from the 90s who are writing a show about a baby killing Hitler.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

What could be more normal than that?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Okay.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Also, neither of us are wearing cargo pants. Yeah.

[Darbara Meatbag]

And I like that. Yeah, I like this side of the table, Xander. I'm still not sure why.

[Xander Holyfield]

I'm just a guy who grew up in the woods and nothing else and was wearing cargo shorts, but now is wearing nothing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tattered cargo shorts.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. They've all fallen to pieces. I know you. You're nude from the waist down.

[Xander Holyfield]

Almost crazy. God, everyone has to see everything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Now you're wearing the filthy calloused feet.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You have the Hawaiian shirt on and you're erect.

[Xander Holyfield]

Whoa. Hey, Scott, please, Please what?

[Scott Aukerman]

Finish the sentence. Xander.

[Xander Holyfield]

I don't know if I'm allowed to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, Darbara, I, I, I really hope that you're not out there shooting everyone, but I don't want to and

[Darbara Meatbag]

I won't if people, people can just behave.

[Scott Aukerman]

Speaking of shooting, though, we're on track for a Go series here. Whenever your hiatus for Four Seasons is occurring.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Here, I'm ready. And I've got a whole thing of colored pencils and lots of printer paper.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're gonna do the opposite of Four Seasons, where everyone we hire has to be an asshole with guns and just problem actors.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

So you're in.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, yeah.

[Darbara Meatbag]

That sounds fabulous.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, just try to, try to wave a little less. I don't know if it's the, the, the.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I have naturally cupped hands.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

She's got sort of meaty hands. I have a knee for her name.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have hands of yours.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you able to pick things up?

[Darbara Meatbag]

I, I pick things up? Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now I'm looking at you and I'm, I'm not totally convinced that you're not putting those underneath the soda fountain and just drinking out of those.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yeah, okay, fine, fine, fine. I use my hands to drink out of.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

But everyone's allowed to do one thing a little bit off.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then give everyone else a little grace too.

[Darbara Meatbag]

No, no, only I can the grace.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, Dara. Well, look, we're running out of time. Unfortunately, on this show we only have time for one final feature. And that is of course, a little something called plugs.

[Xander Holyfield]

Cuz I got the plug baby Yes, I do I got the plug baby.

[Scott Aukerman]

I say you do.

[Xander Holyfield]

And the song I going to have a fart But I'm also known to be a liar I open the plug bag I'm sad the step's almost over Fart.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, all right. Well, that's. Oops. I farted in the plug bag by Fatty Maddy needs to eat. Thank you to Fatty Maddy needs to eat. If you have a plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com plugs you can find everything you want. You can. You can upload your plug opening themes. You can find all the stems for the plug bag closing remixes. Everything you need over there. All right, what do we plug in here, Carrie? What do we got here?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Well, season two of the four Seasons on Netflix. Please, please, please watch it. It's such a delight.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. And nothing else is there. That takes up most of your day, right?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

That. Well, it took. We're done. So we're not shooting as. We're as. It's.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not shooting TV show right now.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Right. It's not live.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not in this.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I sure hope not because I'm offer only. I'm not wearing lip gloss.

[Scott Aukerman]

So your charact known for your decorative lip gloss.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

This is so true. It's what people tune in for. It's tune in TV Netflix on four Seasons. You can peep me in. Margot's got money troubles.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. And you're also. You play a psychic in the upcoming

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Gail Daughtry and the celebrity sex Pass.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. And we'll be doing hopefully an episode with David and Ken John Hamm. Some other. Yeah, I mean, that's too many people.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

All right, enough. And a film called Wishful Thinking with Maya Hawkins and from Stranger Things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, those things are too strange. Honestly. Did you see that?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I don't. I don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't watch other Netflix shows?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I know. I just didn't watch it. Well, here's the thing. There are lots of shows that I would love to see.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

But they're so big and there's so many seasons that I feel like I need to wait till something happens that

[Scott Aukerman]

I can't get out of bed.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I need to wait till I'm in a horrific skiing accident.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yes.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

And I'm laid up with like my arms in cast and my legs filming the show. Filming the show. And then all I have all day long to watch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Things are too strange. Honestly, there's like demons and stuff in it.

[Xander Holyfield]

Oh, Darbar, I heard you were working on a script called Normal Things.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yep, that's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it a parody or is it just like an.

[Darbara Meatbag]

No, it's. It's about. It's about a group of young people all with the same beautiful haircut.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Shoulder length. Wow.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

No layers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Even the men. Shoulder length.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Yes, shoulder length, no layers. And they're all wearing this wonderful top pops that fit just right. And they all go to bed at a decent hour.

[Scott Aukerman]

So Xander, you're. You have your ear to the ground when it comes to upcoming development.

[Xander Holyfield]

Well, she's clutching this script in her hand. It felt like she was trying to get it out there.

[Darbara Meatbag]

No, my hands are just cupped around.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sorry. Sorry. I'll give it a read though. Sorry.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

I'm sure it's not a manifesto.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, well, because it's very tiny writing and it has symbols. Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Lots of little drawings.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And you. And you can't read these symbols, right?

[Xander Holyfield]

This isn't language of playing catch up on learning to read. Yeah, no, that's not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Xander, do you have anything to plug out there?

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, well, I want to plug our freeze dried soyaki ceviche which is really delicious and really unavailable. It has been recalled, but you can still purchase it, of course. And I. I want to play, you know, if you want to have some. Some fun enjoying some comedy. I love comedy. I'm playing catch up on comedy. I had. What's your favorite?

[Scott Aukerman]

Cone heads. What are we about talking?

[Xander Holyfield]

Conhead's number one with a bullet. Didn't get any funnier than that. Gumby is hilarious.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very Unnatural bodies funny Gumby. I mean he's green.

[Xander Holyfield]

He's crazy. What is he. And Pokey's there too. But I honestly dragging the show down. Pokey name alone.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's the mighty, mighty Boss Tones guy dancing of the Gumby universe.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's right. He's skanking. Anyway, but if you like comedy, check out. There's a show here in Los Angeles. It's a double feature featuring Devonfield and

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know what that means. A double feature. It's a double.

[Xander Holyfield]

It's. The show's called Double Feature. It's two teams of two doing improv. Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Two teams of people.

[Xander Holyfield]

It's Just these guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think I've done this show with Jason Manzuki.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah, well, it changed because we. Because David and Sean couldn't sell enough tickets to the show as it existed, so they combined it with another show. So now it's two for one. So now it's Devin and Distant and Cook County Social Club, a great improv team.

[Scott Aukerman]

So wait, so me doing improv with Jason Manzukas couldn't sell the show?

[Xander Holyfield]

Some people said it killed the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Xander Holyfield]

Some people said it was not enough to sustain, but. So it's a. It's every fourth Wednesday.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is too complicated. All right, let's move on. Darpa. Darbar. What do you want to vlog?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Well, of course. Check out normal things. Hopefully coming out soon. And check out Cowboy Mama, an improv team that plays Monday nights at ucb.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Okay, sounds weird.

[Darbara Meatbag]

It's. You know what? Cowboy Mama. Those are two very normal things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Put them together, though. I don't know. Now, although cowboys, they do seem to have some sort of loyalty to their mama.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

To their mama.

[Darbara Meatbag]

All right, well, next time I go to the show, I'm going to shoot him with a gun, I guess, or. Fine. Don't check them out. Check out Shag. It's an all women's improv team in Los Angeles.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, fantastic. Well, I want to plug. Look, we're out on tour now. Comedy Bang bang ground beefing 2026 tour is out there right now. Paul F. Tompkins and I doing every day and then a rotating group of CBB all stars. Check out all the dates. Tickets are probably still available for a few of them. Check out them out@cbb world.com tour and we're gonna. I mean, we're out there right now.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It was mean of you to make us all come join you in Pacoima.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Not convenient.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it's weird to do a show in Pacoima. Yeah. When Los Angeles is right here.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Right.

[Darbara Meatbag]

Just be normal, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry. Don't shoot me with a gun. But check us out. We really want to see you out there on the road. And, you know, while you're over there, it's CBB World. Check out all the shows over there. We have the entire archive of Comedy Bang Bang ad free. Every live episode we've ever done, we're putting out all these live shows that we do out the next day. If you're a Maximus tier subscriber, you can hear those. Every single show that we're going to do out there on tour and Also, we have other shows like. Hey, Randy, CBB presents Collegetown. The neighborhood listens. So much stuff going on over there. All right, and let's. If we can, let's close up the old plug bag.

[Xander Holyfield]

I wanna make it right. So just close that there to hold those ladders. Time by.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nice tasteful fade out. Oh, malice. Thank you very much. That's of course Dr. Sweetchat saying. Malice. That was. That's Howie by John Webb. Maybe it related to Marc Webb because it's with two Bs. Marc Webb, of course, directed the Amazing Spider Man. Movie movies. And Spider man shoots webs. Life is funny, isn't it?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, Grandpa

[Scott Aukerman]

Carrie, I want to thank you so much for being here. Always a pleasure to see you. And thank you for joining us for the Three Timers Club. And I look forward to the Four Seasons. Had a ball with that first season, so can't wait to see this one.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Thank you, friend.

[Scott Aukerman]

I am going to wait though, because, you know, I. It's. As of this taping, it's not out yet.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Right. So you're gonna have to wait.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm gonna have to. But I.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

It's worth it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you think it's worth it to keep on living until it comes out?

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

Oh, honey, at least till the day it comes out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. And then that might be the final

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

thing I do May 28th. You do what you want after that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Got it. And hey, Xander Holyfield. Hey. Yeah, I'm gonna get to you in a second. Darbara Meatbag, thank you so much for being here. I look forward to working with you and to seeing your other show normally things. And I hope nothing else pisses you off and makes you shoot anything with a gun.

[Darbara Meatbag]

I hope that as well. Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. But now, Xander Holyfield.

[Xander Holyfield]

Hey.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I did. During the plugs closing theme. Yeah, which was approximately 38 seconds or so.

[Xander Holyfield]

Go ahead.

[Scott Aukerman]

I did this. What? I'd been threatening to do this reverse Google image search.

[Xander Holyfield]

I don't know why you would do such a foolish thing, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

And just a few things popped up.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Approximately 158,000 hits. Whoa.

[Xander Holyfield]

Okay, that sounds like. It sounds like a high number, but it's actually a pretty reasonable number for Google.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's actually a low number.

[Xander Holyfield]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

But considering the oddness of the crimes. And when I say crimes, I mean there are actual laws that you seem to have broken as well as civil suits. Oh.

[Xander Holyfield]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

It seems as if that.

[Xander Holyfield]

Wait, what?

[Scott Aukerman]

This gentleman named. It looks to be Cecil Hollo Holyfield.

[Xander Holyfield]

Cecil Holyfield. What a stupid name. I'd want to get as far away from it as possible.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cecil Holyfield, who comes from Ohio of all places, was out there jumping fences and having sex with neighbors. Cats.

[Xander Holyfield]

Scott, you alternative comedians are crazy. You're imagining from the 90s. Yeah, from the 90s, specifically. Oh, my God. You and Paula Poundstone are so crazy, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

She was a little more mainstream, but

[Xander Holyfield]

we were a little more. Yes, of course. Yes, of course. Yeah. Anyway, no, man, that. That's not me. That.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not you.

[Xander Holyfield]

No, that can't be.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this picture right here. What?

[Xander Holyfield]

What picture? Let me see.

[Scott Aukerman]

It looks to be you, but aged down by six years, definitely not me.

[Xander Holyfield]

Pretty cool picture.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're holding up the name Cecil. It's a mug shot, but you're holding

[Xander Holyfield]

that up next to a cat who is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who is pointing at its butt. And there's a word balloon that says ow.

[Xander Holyfield]

So next. Sounds like a cartoon.

[Carrie Kenny Silver]

He's also wearing a T shirt that

[Xander Holyfield]

says I cats N. There's way too much information in this picture for it to be real. Hey, Ms. Meatbag, can I borrow your gun for a second?

[Darbara Meatbag]

Absolutely.

[Xander Holyfield]

Okay, great. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to get the out of here. Nobody follow me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. He's pointing the gun to his own temple, Blazing Saddle style.

[Xander Holyfield]

That's right. I'm just crazy enough to do it. So please leave me alone and don't try to find me.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, everyone back away from him.

[Xander Holyfield]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Right. Thanks for being on the show, Cecil.

[Xander Holyfield]

Bye. Bye.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, and we'll see you next time. Thanks.

[Xander Holyfield]

Bye. Hey, this is Will Arnett, host of Smartless. Smartless is a podcast with myself and Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman, where each week one of us reveals a mystery guest to the other two. We dive deep with guests that you love, like Bill Hader, Selena Gomez, Jennifer Aniston, David Beckham, Kristen Stewart, and Tom. So join us for a genuinely improvised and authentic conversation filled with laughter and newfound knowledge to feed the smartless mind. Listen to Smartless now on the SiriusXM app. Download it.

[Darbara Meatbag]

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[Carrie Kenny Silver]

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[Scott Aukerman]

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[Carrie Kenny Silver]

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[Scott Aukerman]

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[Carrie Kenny Silver]

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