
Comedian Rachel Wolfson joins the first timers club as she promotes the movie “Jackass: Best and Last.” Hear about her relationship to O.J. Simpson, and her father’s sweater envy. Tyler, Your Girl’s New Friend, is also here, and he’s really just trying to help. Finally, hotelier Terry Schiavo promotes his innovative and exclusive new hotel chain!
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Rachel Wolfson
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Tyler, your girl's new friend
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Scott Aukerman
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Tyler, your girl's new friend
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Rachel Wolfson
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Scott Aukerman
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Rachel Wolfson
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Scott Aukerman
There's a snake in my boot and a bee in my bonnet. There's another snake in my pants and you should be on it. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Dr. Good Times for that catchphrase submission. I don't want to say that every week, but thank you for the submission. The hunt continues for an appropriate catchphrase, maybe for the 1000th episode. Boy, that would be great. If we could hit on the perfect catchphrase by then. That would be amazing. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Aukerman. We have an exceptional show coming up a little later. We have a local citizen, we have a hotelier, as the French say, hotelier. And we also. Let's just get to our first guest. Why are we wasting time talking about the future when we could be talking about the present? And what a president is. She is entering the exclusive One Timers club on Comedy Bang Bang. A very exclusive club. Look, we've talked about it before. Almost everyone in the world in the known universe is in the zero timers club. 99.9% of the people on this earth who have ever lived, who will ever live are in the Zero Timers Club.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, is one timing. I'm already not invited back.
Scott Aukerman
No, I. To be honest, you don't want to be invited back because you want to be like prior guests like Ben Stiller or Donald Glover. You want to get so busy that you never return any of my messages.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, I hope that for me, but
Scott Aukerman
you're not there yet.
Rachel Wolfson
No, that's okay. I'm Taking my time.
Scott Aukerman
It's a journey, show business. And life itself is a journey. And life is also like a box of chocolates. Like that oddball for scump.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, like the chocolates that, that give you diarrhea. What are the.
Scott Aukerman
Yes. What are the. Yeah.
Rachel Wolfson
Laxatives. Life is like a box of laxatives.
Scott Aukerman
Are there intentional chocolates that give you diarrhea or is that just a prank?
Rachel Wolfson
I think that's just the flavor I like them in.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, I see.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
It's your laxatives or your chocolates?
Rachel Wolfson
Both. I don't like to separate the two.
Scott Aukerman
Yes. It's like a Reese's peanut butter cup.
Rachel Wolfson
It's like an adult edible.
Terry Schiavo
Bad.
Scott Aukerman
Thank you.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yes.
Scott Aukerman
She is entering the One Timers club. She is a standup comedian. She is, I believe. Are you still a podcaster?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, I mean, I go in and out, but yeah, today that's hell yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Like my favorite burger.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
And she is also a cast member of the new major motion picture Jackass Best and Last, which comes out this Friday. Please welcome to the One Timers Club and to the show. Rachel Wolfson. Hi.
Rachel Wolfson
Thank you so much. Thank you for being here at your house.
Scott Aukerman
Thank you. No one ever thanks me for being here.
Rachel Wolfson
I really appreciate that, Deserve it.
Scott Aukerman
But thank you as well for occupying the same space as us. And it's a pleasure to meet you. We've never met before.
Rachel Wolfson
No, this is our first time and
Scott Aukerman
I hope not our last. Although I hope for your sake you're never on the show again.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. And yes, I, I, I hope for all of our sakes.
Scott Aukerman
But let's make the most of your appearance while you're here. Tell me a little bit about yourself because I my impression of you knowing your career now for a number of years, but from before the previous Jackass movie which was called Jackass Forever. If I'm not mistaken, you were a stand up who then got onto these Jackass movies.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
But then I was reading today something about how you were a reporter or, I don't know, a blockchain. I don't even know what it was. I don't know what any of these things are.
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, I love this question. There's actually another Rachel Wolfson out there.
Scott Aukerman
So it's not you.
Rachel Wolfson
No, it is not me.
Terry Schiavo
I look.
Scott Aukerman
And how is that occupying show business with another person with the same name?
Rachel Wolfson
Well, it's not me, but I do respond to her messages. I get about coming on Blockchain podcast.
Scott Aukerman
So what can you tell us about it then?
Rachel Wolfson
The Bitcoin Yeah, you know, I don't know much about it. I think it's a money laundering scheme.
Scott Aukerman
I think it is. Yeah.
Rachel Wolfson
And I love laundry and I love money, so. Why.
Scott Aukerman
It's terrible when you put your money in like a pair of jeans, though, and you wash it and it comes out kind of ruined.
Rachel Wolfson
I've done that, but with a vape, and the vape still works. And I googled, you're actually not supposed to smoke it after.
Scott Aukerman
Why is that?
Rachel Wolfson
I think it's bad for your lungs, but the high is still good.
Scott Aukerman
And because the detergent has entered the
Rachel Wolfson
vape or something, maybe there's like a heat. There's like some science. Oh, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
The heat involved melts the plastic or
Rachel Wolfson
something like that, but it still works, you know, And I have a weird twitch in my eye sometimes, but that was there before.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so now what can you tell me about what I've read about you, what is about you and what is about the other Rachel Wolfson? Okay, so let's. Let's. Let's go down what I sort of know about you.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, let's guess which one's real.
Scott Aukerman
Yes. Which one's about them, which one's about you?
Rachel Wolfson
The real Rachel Wolfson versus one of
Scott Aukerman
the Rachel Wolfsons apparently no longer smokes weed for health reasons. Is that her or is that you?
Rachel Wolfson
Well, that could be her. It was also me. There was at one point where I stopped smoking weed.
Scott Aukerman
And yet you have returned.
Rachel Wolfson
I. Yes, I've come back. This time it's personal. Rachel smokes Weed Part 2, starring Forrest Gump.
Scott Aukerman
This is all based on riffs we were doing before we started.
Rachel Wolfson
No one will know what we're talking about. But it's perfect. It all makes sense. No, I'm back now. I came back.
Scott Aukerman
You're back in the weed smoking groove.
Rachel Wolfson
Yes, I'm back. And I'm proud to be back because when I quit for a year, I just wanted to see if I could do it. And I did it. But I also picked up drinking and smoking cigarettes, so.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, I mean, you just exchanged one for the other, so. And weed is probably better.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, weed is definitely better. But I was like, what if I quit doing one vice for something that's worse? Usually people do the opposite.
Scott Aukerman
Right, Exactly. So you. And how was that year for you? Was it.
Rachel Wolfson
Well, I learned after quitting weed that life's not better, but it's certainly not worse.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so it's about the same. Yeah, Wonderful.
Terry Schiavo
All right.
Scott Aukerman
So that is you.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Now I also learned that one of the Rachel Wolfsons has a parent who was a judge who sentenced my good friend O.J. simpson to 30 years in jail.
Rachel Wolfson
Yes, she. My mother. Yes, that's the right one. She was the judge in OJ's case where a jury.
Scott Aukerman
She's not Judg. Ito. We, we want everyone.
Rachel Wolfson
No, she is Judge Ito, and I'll tell you, people have asked, is your mom Judge Ito? She is, but, but now she, she's like, you know, like Forrest Gump 2. The first one it's Lanceto, and then the second one it's my mom.
Scott Aukerman
Right, right.
Rachel Wolfson
So. But the, the jury was the one who said that he.
Scott Aukerman
Yes. Was actually guilty. She, she only did the sentencing.
Rachel Wolfson
She was just like.
Scott Aukerman
And she sort of the judge is like the ringmaster in a.
Rachel Wolfson
It's like the host of the show, the audience that determines how it goes.
Scott Aukerman
The Colbert or the Letterman or the Carson of the courtroom.
Rachel Wolfson
Totally. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
That's a good song title. The Carson of the courtroom.
Rachel Wolfson
Yes, I like the Carson of the court.
Scott Aukerman
The Colbert, the Carson of the courtroom. It's. Yeah, I like this.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So she, so she took a look at the jury, it's all blame everything on the jury. The jury said this and she just looked at her guidelines and said, okay, OJ, you have to go to jail for 30, whatever years.
Rachel Wolfson
Well, I believe it was 9 to 33. And I don't think he, he served the whole time because he got out and became a, a contributing resident of Las Vegas.
Scott Aukerman
That's right. Yes. And now he hosts a show for us over on CB World.
Rachel Wolfson
Yes, I saw that. That's very cool.
Scott Aukerman
It is cool. You know, he's sort of rehabbing his rep. I don't really, I didn't pay attention to him in the 90s, so I don't really know what was going on with him, but.
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, yeah, no, there's a, A naked gun.
Scott Aukerman
Naked gun. Oh, okay. Because I've heard of guns. Yeah, but naked ones.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, yeah. Undressed.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Interesting. So were you, did you get to go to the trials? Did you get to.
Rachel Wolfson
I went to. There was a bail hearing. I think he got pulled in because he had not posted bail or something in between. He, I think he was like, he didn't pay his bail bondsman and apparently you're not allowed to do that.
Scott Aukerman
You got to pay your bail bondsman if you're, if they're going to put up bail.
Rachel Wolfson
It's a nice thing to do.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, it's gentlemanly.
Rachel Wolfson
Right. And so I think he, it was just a Bad day, I think got lost in the mail. And so my mom just invited him back to the court.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, how nice. And she just to clear all of it up.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, she just, you know.
Scott Aukerman
Did he rsvp, like, definitely will attend?
Rachel Wolfson
He. He did. He had no choice. And when he got there, you know, my mom just basically said politely that he's being very ignorant and arrogant.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, really? Is that in the court transcripts? And you were there watching this?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Wow.
Rachel Wolfson
I was there.
Scott Aukerman
How did he take that? Did he start putting on any gloves?
Rachel Wolfson
You know, I think he fell in love.
Scott Aukerman
Really?
Rachel Wolfson
He just kind of sat there and took it.
Scott Aukerman
Wow. So you think your mom and him had some sort of spark there? Will they. Won't they kind of thing?
Rachel Wolfson
I mean, he. I think he thought he had. He had a stab at it, but I don't.
Scott Aukerman
Pun definitely not intended.
Rachel Wolfson
No, no, no. But yeah, I think that. Yeah, I think guilty and pun not
Terry Schiavo
intended of that either.
Rachel Wolfson
No, I. Yeah. You know, like, sometimes just things don't work out.
Scott Aukerman
Well, that's fun though, having a parent who's a judge. Did you go get to go in there every once in a while and watch executions and stuff like that?
Rachel Wolfson
Like, who exactly is it fun for?
Scott Aukerman
I would think it would be fun for you, but. And, but perhaps not all of the participants who are sitting across from them.
Rachel Wolfson
But yeah, I guess it's fun to like watch, you know, your mom judge people.
Scott Aukerman
I get. Is it. I, now that I'm thinking about it though, to like having one of my parents yelling at me all day at home and then having to go to their work where they're yelling at people as well.
Rachel Wolfson
Are you serious? I've never felt more in common with something, someone than O.J. simpson in my life. Like, he's sitting there and my mom's kind of, you know, saying, you're ignorant, you're arrogant, you don't listen, and you need to go to your room. And I was like, yeah, dude, I get it now.
Scott Aukerman
You're not. When she orders you to go to your room, it's not a 9 by 11 jail cell.
Rachel Wolfson
No, it's a little bit bigger, but there is no tv. That's something that.
Scott Aukerman
So it may as well be a jail cell.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. They have TV in jail.
Scott Aukerman
They do in the common room or. But not in. I mean, not in the actual cells.
Rachel Wolfson
I don't know. I think they, they at least have like Netflix.
Scott Aukerman
So say, okay, they have some good streaming options.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, no, not me. My parents didn't put a TV in my Room. And I think it's because they didn't want to keep taking it in and out when they would punish me because. Because that was. They would say, we're going to take away your privileges.
Scott Aukerman
Right.
Rachel Wolfson
And that meant they were meaning right to vote. That and watching mtv. And those two things matter.
Scott Aukerman
Those are very. Especially with the Rock the Vote campaign. Those are so inexorably tied together.
Rachel Wolfson
No, it really shaped me.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. So were you a rebellious, mischievous child?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, I had a mullet and buck teeth.
Scott Aukerman
Whoa.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
And. And the buck teeth were on your mouth, I'm presuming.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Or in your mouth.
Rachel Wolfson
That's where they grew.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So you. I'm trying to imagine you. Can I draw this? Maybe what you might have looked like.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So you had short hair up on top.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. Have you seen the Buc ee's logo?
Scott Aukerman
The. The. Who's this now?
Rachel Wolfson
The Buc ee's logo.
Scott Aukerman
Who's. Bucky's.
Rachel Wolfson
Buc ee's is like a gas station in Texas. It's. Have you heard of Wawa?
Scott Aukerman
I have heard of Wawa.
Rachel Wolfson
It's like. It's like the Wawa of the South. And the mascot is Bucky's. I'm pretty sure he's the owner and. And founder and.
Scott Aukerman
I'm sorry, I'm not really listening. I'm drawing.
Rachel Wolfson
I think he's like a chipmunk or something. Anyways, you got to go.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. Did you look anything like this?
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, yeah, Definitely with the mustache, too.
Scott Aukerman
Well, I was trying to draw the buck teeth, and you're not looking like
Rachel Wolfson
what I look like. I'll show you the picture. I'll show you my picture at the end. And I chose this. That haircut.
Scott Aukerman
Did you really? Why? What, did you see it on someone else and you were like, so growing
Rachel Wolfson
up, my mom kept my hair short on purpose. And I just thought that maybe. She just thought maybe they wouldn't kidnap me because I just was ugly.
Scott Aukerman
You're too identifiable. Usually the kidnappers, they take people with long hair, and then they cut the hair.
Rachel Wolfson
Well, it's more like. It's more like she has short hair. It's goofy, and she doesn't shut up.
Scott Aukerman
And I forget why we even started talking about this.
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, I remember. You wanted to know about my career.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, right, right. So then suddenly you're in Jackass.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. I mean, it all led. It all led there. Really?
Scott Aukerman
You are in these Jackass movies. You've been in the last one that came out, I believe, three years ago or two years ago. When. When did this one come out? Who even knows?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. What is time?
Scott Aukerman
And now you're in something called Jackass Best and last, which is the current Jackass movie number five, by my count.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
And I mean, these must be just a ball to make. They're, they're. If you haven't seen these Jackass movies, a group of very interesting individuals.
Rachel Wolfson
How would you describe Jackass to someone like, let's say an alien comes to Earth.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Rachel Wolfson
And you're in charge of explaining how macro.
Scott Aukerman
Do I need to go, like, I have to explain the United States and other countries in war. Do I show them, like, clips of Hitler first?
Rachel Wolfson
Just assume that they've seen all the clips of Hitler. And now we can move on to education.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, well, okay. There's a group of people who are desensitized to violence. They've desensitized themselves, so much so that they enjoy placing a camera in a location and then watching each other get pummeled in the nuts by. By various animals and machines. Do I have to explain nuts to them?
Rachel Wolfson
You know, you might.
Scott Aukerman
Can I just say deez nuts?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, they know deez nuts. They don't know what.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, great.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, they know also Uranus.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, they do?
Rachel Wolfson
Okay.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, because they've flown around it a few times.
Rachel Wolfson
That's all you had to say.
Scott Aukerman
You know, I'll just say Uranus.
Rachel Wolfson
They put stuff up their anus. They put stuff up Uranus. And so I. That's exactly how I explained it to my mom.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so your mom didn't know what these were because she's a judge and she's out there like, giving people who do this kind of stuff hard time.
Rachel Wolfson
Well, it's funny because growing up, her name is Jackie Glass, and growing up, her nickname was Jackass Glass. And so she, she manifested this.
Scott Aukerman
So do you think when you said, hey, I'm in this movie Jackass, did you say, is this my biopic?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. She was like, oh, wow. I didn't know they were shooting my life. And I was like, listen, I explained to her all these things, you know, and the guys, they put stuff up their butt and like, punch each other in the dick. And. And. And I told her I was gonna
Scott Aukerman
go for it, and so was she. I. I always find that interesting with parents who are kind of sound. Sound to me, a little straight laced. I don't know. You haven't told me whether they are
Rachel Wolfson
or not, but they're more straight than laced.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, got it. Yeah. Okay. But my parents were more laced. But.
Rachel Wolfson
Right.
Scott Aukerman
But but, you know, are. Did they go see the movie? And were they like, that was incredible.
Rachel Wolfson
Okay. So I took them to the red carpet and I loved watching my parents watch Jackass, which I think is the first movie they've ever seen. I think my dad movie. The first. Well, it is the first movie, but also the first Jackass movie. And I think my dad.
Scott Aukerman
What if they thought all movies were like Jackass? After this, they like, go see Pinocchio and they're like, where were all the stunts?
Rachel Wolfson
I'm telling you, they were so disappointed in the last Batman movie and the Avatar. Like, my dad was like, where's Steve O? So. So, yeah, I loved watching them watch Jackass. And I asked my dad how. What did you think of it? And he's like, you know, it kept my attention the whole time. I didn't fall asleep.
Scott Aukerman
These are the kind of compliments that our parents give us.
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
That fuel the fire of rage within certain artists.
Rachel Wolfson
My dad, the one thing he wants me to do is give him Johnny Knoxville's number. And it's the one thing I have over my dad that I'll never.
Scott Aukerman
Why does he want Johnny Knoxville's number?
Rachel Wolfson
Well, one. The latest thing he wants from him is he wants his sweater. The green or the red sweater.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Rachel Wolfson
And so for my dad's birthday, this lady in his office had her son Photoshop. Not AI Photoshop my dad in Knoxville's red sweater. So I have to find a Knoxville sweater and a double xl.
Scott Aukerman
So he doesn't want the actual sweater that Knoxville was wearing? No, he wants a he. Oh, he wants that particular one or he wants one that would fit him. Meeting style.
Rachel Wolfson
He wants that one.
Terry Schiavo
What?
Scott Aukerman
I don't go around wanting people's clothes that I meet. You know what I mean? I. That seems like an odd request. It's like, go buy your own fucking sweater.
Rachel Wolfson
I mean, it's not really that odd, but maybe because he's my dad. I just don't. I just don't think it'll look as. Honestly, I don't know. Maybe it will look good if it's maybe a fit in.
Scott Aukerman
So do you think he watched Jackass and was, like, not really paying attention to the mayhem, but was just like, that sweater would look good on.
Rachel Wolfson
That is 1,000% what happens. That is a thousand percent.
Scott Aukerman
Wow. So now you're in the new one and you did some fairly crazy stuff in the last one. You were stung by scorpions. Does you get the call? Hey, we're doing another one. And purportedly by the title, I would say this is the last one, perhaps.
Rachel Wolfson
I mean, that's what they say.
Scott Aukerman
But Motley Crue kept touring after their final.
Rachel Wolfson
I mean. Yeah. Sublime with Rome.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, exactly. So. So I. I love that. That's an expression. Like, when in Rome.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
You know, sublime with Rome. Yeah, but so you get. You get the call. Hey, we're doing another one.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Do you start feeling like I gotta psych myself up for this, or are you just excited from the jump, or how do you feel about it?
Rachel Wolfson
I'm already psyched. I've been psyched. Like, yeah, from the jump. I'm just like, I. You know, I said, I want to go hard in this movie. I didn't know what this movie was going to be at the time. I didn't. I didn't know, like, that it was going to be footage, old footage and new. So I.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, I don't know anything.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, it's like, old foot. Some of their old footage, and then, like, we shot five days of new stuff. And, you know, I don't know what goes in or whatnot, but I definitely. I got hurt in this one. You know, I got hurt in the lap. The last one.
Scott Aukerman
But did you get hurt permanently? Like, you know how Johnny Knoxville talks about. How was it the bull who permanently damaged his.
Rachel Wolfson
Well, when I first. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
I want to say the word. You keep interrupting me. Penis. Okay, got it.
Rachel Wolfson
Penis.
Scott Aukerman
Penis.
Rachel Wolfson
Penis.
Scott Aukerman
Penis.
Rachel Wolfson
Penis.
Scott Aukerman
Penis. Thank you.
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, yeah, you guys don't play the game. Sorry about that. I hate when I interrupt someone when they say penis. Yes.
Scott Aukerman
Thank you very much.
Rachel Wolfson
So I auditioned to be the bull.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, in that original one.
Rachel Wolfson
In this.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, in this one?
Rachel Wolfson
In forever.
Scott Aukerman
So you were pitching like, hey, Johnny, what if you went back into the bull ring and I was the bull? Did you want to dress as a bull or you just wanted to act like a bull?
Rachel Wolfson
All of it. All the bullshit.
Scott Aukerman
And let me just headbutt you in the genitals.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. So they're like, you know, we could have you do that, or you could just be the girl. And I was like, you know, I would love to play the girl just one time.
Terry Schiavo
So.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. And then, you know, I kind of had to navigate what that meant because they've never. They've never really liked. Been around one that much.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, it seems like that.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
I think it seems to me like Johnny maybe has had sex with a few of them, but the other guys, I don't know if they've been around any of them.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
I don't know, because he's been married a few times.
Rachel Wolfson
I don't know about his career, but I will say that I kind of just had to navigate.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Hey, these are the different body parts that I have that you don't have.
Rachel Wolfson
Right.
Scott Aukerman
Probably the first day of shoot, I
Rachel Wolfson
was like, what can I bring to set? And I brought my period because I got it on the first day.
Scott Aukerman
Did you really?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. So I was the only one bleeding before the stunts. And then does that.
Scott Aukerman
And this is a serious question. Did that factor into any of the stunts of like. Oh, I don't think Rachel can do this particular one because the sharks will eat. Yes, exactly.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. No, that didn't factor in at all. In fact, it. I think it helped. Yeah. I was in my luteal phase. I don't know what that means.
Scott Aukerman
But so this. So this one, you're going harder. You say you got hurt, but you seem fine right now.
Rachel Wolfson
I mean, like. Yeah, I'm Like, I'm physically fine, but.
Scott Aukerman
But do you mentally. Do you feel a toll after these shoot days where you're just like, oh, my God, that I'm going to have nightmares about this or this is. Yeah, yeah.
Rachel Wolfson
But, like, I've always had nightmares.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, so have I. Everyone has.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. You don't. You know, like, most people are like, oh, what do you dream of? Is it rainbows and butterflies and it's like, no, me getting tasered in the butthole? That's a dream for me.
Scott Aukerman
Is that in the new movie, by the way?
Rachel Wolfson
Or it might get cut out, but, like, I hope that one makes it.
Scott Aukerman
And how did they aim the taser in that particular stunt? Or do they. Do they put it in prior to the stunt happening?
Rachel Wolfson
So, like, you know, aim is. What is aim? It's a social construction.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, that's right. It's just something that the man invented to make police officers feel like they had a goal.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Well, this. I mean, it sounds like an amazing experience for you. You shoot five days, you're in a movie, your parents go see it, and you're being tasered in the butthole.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. And to me, they're like, you know, what. What did you hope for yourself when you were 15? And I say, this is kind of
Scott Aukerman
is right, being in a movie. I mean, this. This is. It's a strange way to go about it in a way, but.
Rachel Wolfson
Well, when I first started stand, I. I. I wanted. When I started standup, I was like, I want to be a comedian because I still. That's. I just want to do standup. I love comedy. Yeah, this was. This is what I hoped for. But not really, because when I started standup, I never thought I would be in a movie. I just wanted to, you know, disappoint my parents in a new way. And then that. That's when Knoxville asked me to come audition.
Scott Aukerman
And what was the audition? Cause I read it was two days. I. It seems to me like you do one stunt and they go like, yeah, okay, okay.
Rachel Wolfson
So initially, I showed up, I thought it was a Jack Black movie. And when I got there.
Scott Aukerman
What? Why? It's Johnny Knoxville. Like, asking.
Rachel Wolfson
No, I'm just kidding. I was saying Jack. They said, I heard Jack Black. I don't have good service by my apartment.
Scott Aukerman
No, you just heard. You heard the jug.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, yeah. I was like, whatever. I'm. I'll do anything at this point. And. And I show up, and it's Jamie Lee Curtis as Johnny Knoxville.
Scott Aukerman
That's crazy.
Rachel Wolfson
Isn't that crazy? Have you seen them?
Scott Aukerman
Has she been doing Johnny Knoxville for the past two movies?
Rachel Wolfson
You've never seen them in the same room together.
Scott Aukerman
That's incredible. Yeah, she is an amazing talent.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, they're both. You know, they are.
Scott Aukerman
What a lot of people don't know is Johnny Knoxville. Was her in the Oscar winning Freaky Friday movie. Yes.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
How do they decide who to give the Oscar to in the Freaky Friday movies? Because they switch bodies. You know what I mean?
Rachel Wolfson
It's like, yeah, that might be rough
Scott Aukerman
if you give it to Jamie Lee Curtis. Doesn't Lindsay Lohan really deserve it?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, that's a good point.
Scott Aukerman
Anyway, Jackass Best and Last is out this Friday, and I'm excited to see what happens to you. I always enjoy the Jackass movies. Our friend Lance Bangs is.
Rachel Wolfson
I love.
Scott Aukerman
Lance is out there usually throwing up in them, which makes me laugh.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, like that. You know, it's. When Lance Bangs throws up, it's like an angel gains its wings.
Scott Aukerman
He has such an interesting career of being, you know, this incredible music video director and being married to a, you know, incredible feminist musical icon. And then he goes and does camera op for these Jackass movies and is caught on film throwing up at people, getting paper cuts.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. I call him Pukes of Hazard.
Scott Aukerman
Well, Jackass Best and Last is out this Friday. Rachel, can you stick around? We have an incredible show. We have a local citizen and a hotelier.
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, I. Yeah, I was never gonna leave.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, great. Okay, fantastic. Well, we're gonna come right back. We will have more Rachel Wolfson. We'll have a local citizen and a hotelier. We're gonna be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after this. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace Squarespace. It's your all in one platform for building a standout online presence. Whether you're launching something new or leveling up your business, you can secure your domain, create a polished website, share what you have to offer, and get paid all in one place. I hate going to a separate place to get paid. Now you can get paid right there at Squarespace. Squarespace makes it easy to book gigs, sell services and get paid with built in scheduling, invoicing and email tools. You can create a standout site fast using AI or designer templates. No experience needed. Plus, built in SEO helps fans and clients find you, while custom domains keep your brand polished and secure. Showcase videos, promote events or even monetize content. Everything is designed to help you grow your audience and your business. Check out squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial and when you are ready to launch, use offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Warm weather is finally here do you like that song? I like it too. That's why I sang it. But it's also based on truth. Because warm weather is finally here and it's time for breathable, durable clothes that move with you. Wouldn't that be terrible? If you moved and your clothes just stood where you used to be, then you'd be naked. That would be terrible. Mack Weldon makes clothes that actually when you put them on your body, it actually moves along with you and doesn't stay right there. So that's one thing in the plus column. They balance classic pieces with updated details to keep you looking sharp. They're designed to fit your style and the demands of modern life. Think crazy comfortable but elevated. Sweatpants, shorts, sweatshirts, even blazers. Their pieces are easy to style and built for versatile looks that you never have to overthink. Mack Weldon it's effortless by design. I've gotten a lot of stuff from Mack Weldon. Let's see. Recently the radius 5 pocket pant wearing right now I got that in asphalt and moonlighting. Moonlighting is a color I found out. It's like a blue tech linen camp shirt. I got one of those. A Dean oxford shirt. I got a hoodie that I wore this morning when it was a little chilly. Full zip sweatshirt. Got a couple of those. Look, they have great stuff. Get moving with Mack Weldon Comfortable anywhere. Go to mack weldon.com and get 20% off your first order of $125 or more with promo code Bang Bang. That is M A C K W-E-L-O-N.com and then code Bang Bang. Your outdoor space should feel like you, right? You know, maybe you want a fire pit outside, maybe you want a ice sculpture outside. I don't know that that's possible, but a fire pit certainly is. As well as outdoor seating, grills, major appliances, storage, patio lighting, rugs, decor. Well, Wayfair is your one stop shop for home. You can shop with Wayfair Verified, your shortcut to the good stuff. Their team of product specialists vets everything by hand using a 10 point inspection, one point for every finger, testing things like quality of materials, functionality and features, and even how long it takes to build. And with over 20 million five star reviews, you can hear from real customers before you buy. Plus Wayfair deals with the hard parts so you don't have to. Installation and assembly services are available for a truly seamless experience. Now, I got some stuff from Wayfair. I think I've talked about this before. We got the little carpet things for your stairs because we had someone slip down and fall down our stairs, but. And we knew we had to get some of these and there they were at Wayfair. And now we're going up and down the stairs. We can't stop. We're. I mean, we're definitely getting our steps in. We're doing about 50,000 steps a day just going up and down the stairs because it's safe. Now patio season is here and these deals won't last. Head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's W A Y-F A I R.com
Rachel Wolfson
Wayfair Every style, every home
Scott Aukerman
comedy. Bang bang. We're back. Rachel Wolfson is here from. No, not a bitcoin podcast. What was the other thing that the other Rachel Wolfson does? Rachel, I'm going to look this up. Rachel Wolfson podcast Chronic Relief. No, that's your podcast.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Well, I think they were saying that, that, that this person who I didn't know was two people, did not only a marijuana themed podcast, but also did a bitcoin podcast. I was like, what blockchain?
Rachel Wolfson
I call it pot chain. You know, that's again, I'd love to combine things. So money laundering, blockchain. Yeah, blockchain.
Scott Aukerman
Block the pot.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, pot, blockchain, pot change.
Scott Aukerman
I think we're close.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. Plot chain.
Scott Aukerman
We'll get there at Some point. Jackass Forever or no. Sorry, Jackass, Best and last. Here's the thing. It was Jackass Forever, like Batman Forever. Shouldn't it be Jackass and Robin?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, I think they wanted that, but the Instagram wasn't available, so they decided to go with best and last.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, got it. Jackass Best and Last out this Friday. We need to get to our next guest. This is exciting. He's a local citizen now. You live in Los Angeles as well, Rachel. So local to both of us, I would imagine.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Please welcome, for the first time on the show, Tyler, your girl's new friend.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Hey, Scott.
Scott Aukerman
Hey.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Thanks for having me on. I'm really happy to be here.
Scott Aukerman
My pleasure. This is Rachel.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Hey, Rachel. You look great.
Scott Aukerman
Have you ever seen the Jackass movies?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, so funny.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Which ones? All of them.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I've seen them all.
Scott Aukerman
You've seen them all?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Do you see them right when they come out?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I see them right when I come. When they come out, I call up a friend.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Which is. Do you have a go to friend that you go to? The Jackass?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I've got a lot of friends. I've got. Yeah, I make friends constantly. Part of the reason why I wanted to come on the show.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, okay. Why? It's such an unusual name. Tyler, your girl's new friend.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Well, a lot of people called me that just because I'm your girl's new friend.
Scott Aukerman
What does that mean? I guess I'm not quite understanding what that is.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I've got a lot of female friends.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, you do?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And a lot of them are in relationships and sometimes that causes some conflict. And surprisingly, I mean, we're just friends. There's no big deal.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. It's a certain type of gentleman who is friends with a lot of females. Rachel, do you have a lot of male best friends?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, I call them the Zoners.
Scott Aukerman
Why do you call them the Zoners?
Rachel Wolfson
You know, they know. They stay in their zone.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
They stay in that friend.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I'm staying in the zone. So I just want to kind of come out and say that there's nothing to worry about. Everything's cool. If some of these guys are upset, I don't understand why. They're lucky guys. I mean, a lot of my friends are pretty amazing ladies.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, well, that's the thing is you should trust your partner. It's not that. It's not the guy they're hanging around with's fault. It's. If you don't trust your partner, it's their. It's their Thing. You know what I mean?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. And that's what I'm telling them.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. And now you don't try to cross any lines or, you know, have you heard there's this song that I heard the other day, and it was three very interesting gentlemen who were singing about a situation they all had found themselves in where some of the ethical boundaries had been blurred a bit. And I thought, oh, God, that's an interesting situation to be in. Have you ever crossed any of these blurred lines?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I mean, for me, no, I. We just hang out, we have a good time. I love to cook.
Scott Aukerman
And you let you. So you cook for these women?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, yeah. Some of my. My girlfriends have just amazing palates. And before I.
Scott Aukerman
How do you.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Before I host a dinner party, I want to try out my new recipes and the wine pairings with them and get their feedback.
Scott Aukerman
Because who are you having the dinner parties with? Them, These women or just other friends?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. And. And I don't want to embarrass myself around them, so I'll find maybe a friend of mine who has a really specific high end palette. No. How do you cook for them specifically? And I mean, they'll give me great feedback.
Scott Aukerman
How do you figure out that these women have great palates?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Are you in just the conversation? Just.
Scott Aukerman
I don't know how that would come up in conversation.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Just. I'm just listening to them, which is something I. Apparently they don't get a lot of in their relationships.
Scott Aukerman
Interesting.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
But have you ever had a conversation where you've discussed your palette? I don't think I've ever.
Rachel Wolfson
It's a. It's a big topic in my family. We, like, we want to know, you know, about each other's palettes. We're big palette cleansers.
Scott Aukerman
How is your palate? Do you have a high end palette?
Rachel Wolfson
Is he saying my palate? It's. I'll. I'll try anything.
Scott Aukerman
What did you. What did you eat today, for instance?
Rachel Wolfson
Air.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. I mean, that's the thing.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
You are a character.
Scott Aukerman
Most of us are eating air. The majority of the things we eat are air. Right. Just constantly swallowing.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
All day long. We're swallowing air.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, but I drink it.
Scott Aukerman
You drink it?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Liquefied air.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And you're an original, and I love that.
Rachel Wolfson
Great. Thank you. So are you Tyler?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
You know, I try to be, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Would you take on Tyler as one of the. Your zoners?
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, my God. I have so many Tyler's in my life. What? I like Tyler. You're a zoner, not a boner. And I love that about you.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, I'm a zoner.
Rachel Wolfson
I. You know, but here's.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Happy to be a zone.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. Big zoner. My God, my Tyler's. They end up getting married and I am the Tyler now.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, I'm the Tyler. Like Captain Phillips.
Rachel Wolfson
I am now the friend of the guy.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
You're Captain Phillips? Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Or you're really the guy who.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, the guy who hijacked Captain Phillips. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Which really? That movie should have switched titles in the middle.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
You know, I wasn't paying attention. I was at the movie with my friend, and she was kind of working some stuff out.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, really?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
So while it was playing, I was kind of more checked in and concerned with her because I think that somebody needed to be there for her.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. And what was she going through? She had been attacked by pirates.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
You know, she was dealing with some relationship stuff, Scott, which.
Scott Aukerman
In her relationship with a pirate?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. I mean, in a way.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Like, pirating her emotions.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, sort of. Like. What was that? Remember when Metallica got really upset at that website?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, God, yeah. Napster.
Rachel Wolfson
I love Napster.
Scott Aukerman
That's how I would describe it to your parents. By the way, what is Napster? Remember when Metallica got mad at a website?
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, yeah. Oh, man, I miss kids these days.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. And I love music.
Scott Aukerman
So are you in a relationship? Oh, you love music. That's great to hear. Are you in a relationship yourself? Are you. Are you with anyone as well, or.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
No, I've been a little unlucky in love, and I just kind of stay open and let the universe. I am spiritual. And also I'm busy.
Scott Aukerman
I mean, I just Busy doing what?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I just, you know, after the fires, I spent some time.
Scott Aukerman
Which fires? The ones here or the fires here?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I did some volunteering. I helped try to fix some trees. I did some.
Rachel Wolfson
What fires.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
There were some big fires here. All of them. I tried to help out.
Scott Aukerman
When you say you tried to fix trees, what does that mean?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
A lot of trees were damaged pretty bad, Scott.
Scott Aukerman
How does one fix that?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, tree surgery. I'm kind of a part.
Scott Aukerman
You're a tree surgeon?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, I do a little surgery.
Rachel Wolfson
I've heard of surgery, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, surgery, Surgery.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I volunteer, Flora.
Rachel Wolfson
Oh.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
So, yeah, I do some volunteering. I volunteer.
Scott Aukerman
So you're busy. I mean, the fires were now a full year and a half ago.
Rachel Wolfson
Right.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
But, you know, it takes a long time to, like, you grow the skin back. And I donated some skin to the trees. I donated some skin to the trees, to some children, wherever whoever needed it. I Had a dermatologist tell me that I had some of the nicest skin they had ever experienced and I was happy to donate it. Now it's growing back.
Rachel Wolfson
That's good. You're branching out.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I. Oh, that's. That's clever.
Scott Aukerman
I think that there's. I think you guys could be.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
No, I mean, we're. We're zoned. I mean, we're having.
Rachel Wolfson
What happens when we. What happens when you're each other's Tylers?
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's just a. Then it's just a friendship. Right. And now have any of your friendships ever blossomed into something further? Much like that? There's a very interesting film where a woman has an orgasm in a restaurant. Yeah.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And that's an inspirational scene for a lot of people.
Rachel Wolfson
It happens all the time. And it's like, at the wrong time too.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I show. I've shown that to some friends who were struggling with climaxing. And I'm saying just so much. You gotta fake it till you make it.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, yeah.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And I teach a Kundalini yoga class where sometimes that helps loosen some people up.
Scott Aukerman
Very cool. So have any of you. Have any of your relationships ever. Ever turned into a romance?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, no, no, it's not like that.
Scott Aukerman
It's never.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
It's never been like that. This is like purely.
Scott Aukerman
Let me ask you a question then. What's the name of one of your many friends that are women?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, Sarah.
Scott Aukerman
Sarah, yeah. So say Sarah, were to say to you, you know, Tyler, I actually have developed feelings for you. What would you say in that situation?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I would say maybe we should talk and explore that.
Scott Aukerman
So the fact that it has never progressed into a romance is merely because no one has ever said that to you?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Well, I mean, Sarah's in a very serious relationship. I wouldn't want to break that up. And sometimes. Yes, sometimes things can get a little confusing. I mean, if I know a little physical therapy, a little massage therapy, and that can get. Sometimes if I'm like, working on somebody's neck, you know, sometimes they'll maybe develop a bond with me.
Scott Aukerman
Sure. Then you proceed to the back and then perhaps the pussy, the crack and the neck.
Rachel Wolfson
Don't forget the neck.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, it's mostly the neck. I mean. Yes, I've done some surrogate stuff.
Scott Aukerman
What do you. What?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Sexual surrogate?
Scott Aukerman
No. What is it? You've done this for who?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I've done some sexual surgitry. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So in what.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
In what respect?
Scott Aukerman
If one of your friends is having difficulty in the bedroom with their boyfriend, you yeah.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Or just fertility problems. Oh, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So you're there to what. What do you do? You.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
This has all been in the name of friendship. I've had some friends who are having fertility problems, and they will ask me if I'm very fertile and that.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, really? Like, just a ton of sperm?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I do. Yeah. It's blown the mind of
Scott Aukerman
just Peter north style. Just.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
It's a lot. It's a lot. It's. It's actually an issue for me. It's a problem.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
It's.
Scott Aukerman
You laugh, but once you're.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
When you're on the receiving end.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yes. It actually causes a lot of issues.
Rachel Wolfson
I. I thought he said you're very turtle. That's what I heard.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, yeah. Like Entourage.
Rachel Wolfson
You're very turtle.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. You're like, you know, there to drive around your, you know, movie star best friend.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I mean, I'm a little bit of
Scott Aukerman
a homebody, if that's what you're saying.
Rachel Wolfson
I've had the opposite. All of my friendships have turned romantic, and that's why we're not friends anymore.
Scott Aukerman
Is that really.
Terry Schiavo
So. Really?
Scott Aukerman
And is that. Is that because you crossed the boundary into a romantic relationship or just the other person tried to, and you were accepting of it. How does this. How does this work?
Rachel Wolfson
How does it. Oh, how does it transition over? Yeah, I mean, sometimes, you know, it. Life just brings two people together and
Scott Aukerman
life finds a way.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. You know, you either grow together or grow apart.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Rachel Wolfson
And I like to do both with one person.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Wow. That has never happened to me.
Scott Aukerman
So you've just never done it?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
No, no.
Scott Aukerman
But you have provided too much sperm for couples who are having trouble.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yes, I've provided just endless amounts of sperm if they need. If they need it.
Scott Aukerman
Right. Vials upon vials.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. I mean, it's.
Scott Aukerman
Or are you implanting it? The.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I'm in place. Yeah. Nature's way, preferably. If they. If they want, I'm happy to do that. But it really. Anyway.
Scott Aukerman
And so you have then had sex with a lot of these. Some women. What percentage of your friends over the years have you had sex with?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, great question. Thank you. Yeah. You're really getting good at this.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, you're. You're a listener.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Can't never miss an episode. Okay.
Scott Aukerman
There have been a few you could
Tyler, your girl's new friend
have missed, but no, never miss.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. That's so nice.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I got all the merch.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Oh, really? You have the. All joking. A salad, T shirt.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Wear it to bed.
Terry Schiavo
Okay.
Scott Aukerman
So wait, so when you're, like, having sex with some of These women trying to give them your sperm. You're wearing my all joking a salad.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Just keep things light and fun and remember how, like, not serious and. And there's a purpose to it. And we don't want to get stressed out. So, yeah, I'll throw on the all joking a salad and we'll get a.
Scott Aukerman
We'll laugh and laugh, laugh and laugh. And then the pounding starts.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, I mean, it's. It's. It's less pounding and. And more. Just kind of a lot of direct eye contact.
Scott Aukerman
I. I don't know that I would like a lot of direct eye contact. I. I honestly want people to look away. Like, I'm not offended if it's like I'm thinking about someone else. You know, it's like, I'm glad about it. Like, don't stare me down. You know, what do you think, Rachel?
Rachel Wolfson
No, I want to be stared at.
Scott Aukerman
You want to be stared.
Rachel Wolfson
I don't want you to look away at all, really. If you look away one time. Second.
Scott Aukerman
So you want to be like Dr. James Dobson. You want to focus on the family.
Rachel Wolfson
Don't even blink.
Scott Aukerman
Wow.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And I think that just happens sometimes with you when you're around a friend you're comfortable with. You just wind up in unblinking eye contact.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, we're locked in.
Scott Aukerman
I don't think you ever answered. What percentage of.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
It's high.
Scott Aukerman
It's in high.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
It's high. Yeah, I would say high. 90.
Scott Aukerman
High 90s.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
It's high. That's rather high. And. But that's. Again, there's nothing to be worried about as far as, like, developing a relationship. I'm not trying to.
Scott Aukerman
Well, you certainly devise a sexual relationship.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I mean, for the sake of procreation. Yes.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so you're. Are you enjoying this at all? Are you doing multiple positions that feel good or.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Well, certain positions lead to pregnancy more than others.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so you're focusing on that one. And what is this? Reverse cowgirl.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Reverse cowgirl really helps quite a bit.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. All right.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
So, yeah, a lot of reverse cowgirl, but that can get complicated too, because you need to set up mirrors to make a direct eye contact.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Terry Schiavo
Okay.
Scott Aukerman
And how many have conceived with your own?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
The numbers High. Also in the high range. Again, my. My. My seed is potent, but I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers.
Scott Aukerman
And it's strong.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yes. Again, these guys who are in relationships with my friends, they are safe. I'm not coming for them.
Scott Aukerman
You're certainly coming in a place maybe they would.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I'm trying to help them start a family.
Scott Aukerman
So if you're looking for a family and you want some just giant testicled person who creates a lot, I'm assuming.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Well, the testicles are a perfectly normal size.
Scott Aukerman
They are. Because why do they create so much?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
They're just working. They're working hard now. Yes. Parts of my anatomy are quite large and it leads to other complications.
Scott Aukerman
Which. Do you mind me asking which parts are large? I mean, because I'm looking at you, you seem to be just a normal sized human being. Your hands are pretty regular. Your feet are pretty regular. Nothing. Nothing that I can see on the outside.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. When I. When I'm stripped nude.
Scott Aukerman
You. You're saying that like someone else does it to you.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Well, yeah. I mean, sometimes. In. In.
Scott Aukerman
Do you have like a butler?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I do, I do.
Terry Schiavo
I'm.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I'm very wealthy.
Scott Aukerman
You're wealthy?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
From. From what?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, just from all my inventions.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, I got to stop you right here. You're an inventor. This is what I think we should have been talking about from the beginning. What have you invented?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, just all kinds of things.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, well, I. I'm going to have to hold your feet to the fire and get. Make you be specific here. What's one of the things that we all know about, you know, Computer chips. Computer chips? Like the actual, like intel chips that are computers that do the process.
Rachel Wolfson
I thought they were like chips that were flavored computer.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, I mean, is that what you're talking about?
Scott Aukerman
You made some snack items that are snack items, like computers.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Silicon Valley crowd that tastes like wires. Yeah, I mean, they taste like chips, but it's fun. It's fun marketing. And that kind of took off and that led me into the world of chips.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, what else have you invented? Is there. I mean, that sounds more like a business and not an invention, if I'm being honest. You know what I mean? Well, yeah, you didn't invent chips. No, but like, you know how George Washington Carver invented the, you know, peanut butter.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Peanut butter? Yeah, yeah.
Scott Aukerman
He made the peanut. Great. As Run DMC once said.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I mean, have you ever had non stirable peanut butter?
Scott Aukerman
What does that mean?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Peanut butter. You don't have to stir.
Scott Aukerman
You don't have to or unable to.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
You're unable to.
Scott Aukerman
So what are we talking, like thick immovable peanut butter?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Have you ever had that?
Scott Aukerman
I don't. I know I have not. Is it. Is that one of your inventions?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
It's one of my inventions.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, what totally helps. Does it serve?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Well, it helps in construction in what way?
Scott Aukerman
Because it's not sticky anymore. It's not an adhesive.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
That's right. It hardens.
Scott Aukerman
Sure. It sounds like it's already hard. So what purpose does this is affordable?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Scott, get with the times.
Scott Aukerman
I don't know.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
No, I mean, it's one of the problems, and it stresses a lot of my friends out. I mean, how are we going to build housing around here?
Scott Aukerman
Okay, I don't know that making immovable peanut butter has solved the housing crisis, but.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Well, you got to think abstractive.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, okay, sure. So that's. So you're a very wealthy individual.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
That's right.
Scott Aukerman
Is that something that these. The boyfriends of your friends feel?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Maybe. I. I don't know.
Scott Aukerman
Have any Rachel of any of your zoners ever been rich?
Rachel Wolfson
No, I don't. That's not what I'm looking for.
Scott Aukerman
It's probably why they're zoners.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. None of these relationships have been sexual. They're just purely scientific.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, really?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. I mean, there is sex. That happens, but it's for science.
Scott Aukerman
It's just to.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Figure out exactly what.
Rachel Wolfson
I don't even think any of them have owned wallets
Tyler, your girl's new friend
and. Yeah. Scott, some of us believe in science.
Scott Aukerman
Okay? I'm not sick. So, wait, you've had the fauci. Ouchie.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yes. Okay. I got jabbed. I'm not afraid to say it.
Rachel Wolfson
Which one and how many times?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I get them all the time.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every couple. All of them. Every couple of days.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I go, oh, I got Sputnik. I got all.
Scott Aukerman
Well, Tyler, your girl's new best. No, sorry, new friend. You're not best friends.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
No, we're not best friends. I mean, sometimes.
Rachel Wolfson
Okay.
Scott Aukerman
But anyway, you.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Sometimes.
Scott Aukerman
I'm glad that we could.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I've been. I've been the maid of honor, quote, unquote, a time or two.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. We were dismounting, by the way, and going to commercial.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, okay. Sorry. It's a problem I have with the dismount.
Scott Aukerman
Wait, so you're. When you're having sex to create these babies with all of your semen.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
You don't get off of the woman. You lie on top of her.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
For how long? Well.
Scott Aukerman
And then we'll take a break.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, well, I do practice some tantric elements, I do think.
Scott Aukerman
All right, Tyler, your girl's new friend, we're going to come right back. Can you stick around?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I'd love to. I'm having a great time.
Scott Aukerman
Fantastic. Well, we're going to come right back. We have a hotelier after the Break. That's exciting. You ever stay in a hotel, Tyler?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I do, yes. I love the hotel near me. Deep toilets.
Scott Aukerman
That's the name of the hotel, Scott.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
No, but the. The hotel has deep toilets.
Scott Aukerman
So why is that a plus for you is because you have so much sperm that you're ejaculating? Well, it needs to hold it or you have a ton of shit as well.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I don't have to keep my. My penis from getting dunked in the water. I can let it hang, which is a big relief.
Scott Aukerman
I understand.
Rachel Wolfson
That's a relief for me too.
Scott Aukerman
All right, great. Well, Tyler, your girl's new friend, we're going to come right back with you. We'll also have more Rachel Wolfson. Also, we have a hotelier. This is a great episode of Comedy Bang Bang. We're going to come right back after this. Gifts are difficult, right? It's very hard to, especially if you've known someone a really long time, to give them something that feels new, something fresh. I got was lucky enough to find some mahjong themed pajamas for my wife recently. And, you know, it felt personal because she likes mah jong. She likes pajamas. I thought the intersection of these two interests would be something that she liked, and I was right. But, you know, Zazzle is a custom marketplace where you can take basically any product, a mug, a tote bag, a card, a phone case, and make it mean something. You're not buying a gift, you're making one. Browse millions of designs or start from scratch and build something completely your own. Either way, you're the designer. Everything is made on demand, so there's no out of stock. You just pick it, you customize it, you're done. Over 30 million customers have trusted Zazzle with their most important gifts. Yours is next. Right now, save 25% on your first order@zazzle.com. that's 25% savings on your first order order@zazzle.com go make somethings amazing. Zazzle.com your outdoor space should feel like you, right? You know, maybe you want a fire pit outside. Maybe you want an ice sculpture outside. I don't know that that's possible, but a fire pit certainly is. As well as outdoor seating, grills, major appliances, storage, patio lighting, rugs, decor. Well, Wayfair is your one stop shop for home. You can shop with Wayfair Verified your shortcut to the good stuff. Their team of product specialists vets everything by hand using a 10 point inspection, one point for every finger, testing things like quality of materials, functionality and features, and even how long it takes to build. And with over 20 million five star reviews, you can hear from real customers before you buy. Plus, Wayfair deals with the hard parts so you don't have to. Installation and assembly services are available for a truly seamless experience. Now, I got some stuff from Wayfair. I think I've talked about this before. We got the little carpet things for your stairs because we had someone slip down and fall down our stairs and we knew we had to get some of these and there they were at Wayfair. And now we're going up and down the stairs. We can't stop. We're, I mean, we're definitely getting our steps in. We're doing about 50,000 steps a day just going up and down the stairs because it's safe now. Patio season is here and these deals won't last. Head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's W A Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair every style, every home. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, maybe you're someone who thrives or just survives during the summer season. Well, for some people, summer is their favorite season. Travel picks up, kids are out of school, and adventure is in full swing. But for others, juggling everything that summer demands can be tough. It can lead to feeling overwhelmed and counting down the minutes until the kids are back in school. So whether you're someone who thrives or just survives in the summer, make sure to take care of yourself during the warm months. Therapy with BetterHelp, the world's largest online therapy platform, can help you understand your needs, feel more confident setting boundaries, and create a version of summer that actually feels good. All you have to do is just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and preferences. And BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. Feel confident knowing betterhelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US you don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10 off@betterhelp.com Bang Bang. That is betterhelp.com Bang Bang. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Rachel Wolfson is here from Jackass. Best and last. And do you think this is the last one? Or do you think in a couple years there's just, you know, gonna be another one? You know the answer. I can tell from your face.
Rachel Wolfson
And the only one who knows the answer is the Lord upstairs.
Scott Aukerman
That's right. Yeah. He's very invested in the franchise.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Wow. So, I mean, kind of getting into religion. Okay.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah.
Rachel Wolfson
What part?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I. I just want to be a little more soulful as I go.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. So not any specific religion. You try to be spiritual.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I think there's stuff you can take from all of them.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, great. Like what? Like Jesus being the son of God.
Rachel Wolfson
I could see you being a Southern Baptist.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, I could do handling snakes.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. And they're beautiful creatures.
Rachel Wolfson
Okay.
Scott Aukerman
All right, look, Tyler, we need to get to our next guest. They are a hotelier and I don't have the name here, but please welcome the hotelier.
Terry Schiavo
Hello, Scott.
Scott Aukerman
Hi. Great to meet you. I'm sorry, my producer didn't give me your name, unfortunately.
Terry Schiavo
Terry Chavo.
Scott Aukerman
Terry Shivo?
Terry Schiavo
Yeah. With a. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Terry Schiavo
Terry with a Y. Terry with a Y.
Scott Aukerman
And then Shivo spelled the traditional way that we all know about.
Terry Schiavo
If it's. Well, I don't know if it's the one, you know, then that's probably it.
Rachel Wolfson
Uh huh.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Okay. So nice to meet you, Terry. This is Tyler, your girl's new friend. And this is Rachel Wolfston. Wolfson.
Rachel Wolfson
It's Wolfston.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Rachel Wolfson
Thank you.
Scott Aukerman
Are you a Jackass fan?
Terry Schiavo
Absolutely. Yeah, I've seen all of them and I see them right when they come out in the theater as well.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, great. I have to say, you know, there's another. There's a famous Terri Schiavo.
Terry Schiavo
Well, yeah, I do know. It's been an albatross around my neck most of my life.
Scott Aukerman
Right, right.
Terry Schiavo
Okay.
Scott Aukerman
But you're not. You're not related. You're.
Terry Schiavo
No, I'm not related. But of course I've get, you know, hear all the jokes and whatnot. What?
Scott Aukerman
I. It doesn't seem like a joking matter to me necessarily.
Terry Schiavo
I wouldn't think so either. It's about. It was a right to life case.
Scott Aukerman
Right, exactly. So. But you're not related to that case?
Terry Schiavo
No.
Scott Aukerman
Do you have any strong feelings on it or.
Terry Schiavo
I said. I said at the time I was more concerned about. Oh, God, we have the same name,
Scott Aukerman
but really the details of the case itself.
Terry Schiavo
I don't even remember how it came out in the end, but I don't
Tyler, your girl's new friend
think it came out well.
Terry Schiavo
Well, was there? What outcome would be good?
Scott Aukerman
I mean, look, we all are gonna eventually end up up wherever. Whatever happens in your spirituality, Terry.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Tyler. What's your name? Tyler. You're Terry. You're Tyler.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
That's right. The shoe T. Should I have had
Scott Aukerman
two guests with The T. Damon on the same show.
Terry Schiavo
Maybe three.
Rachel Wolfson
Well, you have Tyler the creator, but you're Tyler the inventor.
Scott Aukerman
Yes. And you're Tyler the hotelier.
Terry Schiavo
Not Tyler at all, actually.
Scott Aukerman
Sorry. You're Terry.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Terry.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
But have you. Has anyone ever nicknamed you Tyler the Hotelier?
Terry Schiavo
Not to my knowledge. Okay, maybe behind my back. But no, I mean. And I. To tell you the truth, why I got into this and the. The name is because it's been. I've been dragging it around my whole life, and I can't escape it. I thought, at this point, I'm just gonna make lemonade out of these goddamn lemons because this has been bringing me down. So I decided to make a new business venture and open a series of hotels. The Terry Shave Hotel and Terry shy Votel. Yes, correct.
Scott Aukerman
So without the H, it's just Terry shy votel.
Terry Schiavo
Correct. But if you're listening to it, I think you can hear that H. Yeah, the.
Scott Aukerman
But the H is silent and not even there in the spelling.
Terry Schiavo
Not even there at all.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, great.
Terry Schiavo
And it's the world's first hotel that is exclusively for comas because.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, wow.
Terry Schiavo
Have you ever thought about all the coma patients in hospitals just taking up those damn beds? They're not really patients right now. They're just. We're waiting around and you're just. Have you ever thought, this isn't a hotel? Well, now that is a hotel.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so this is not for people in permanent vegetative states. This is for people who are literally in comas.
Terry Schiavo
Literally in comas. But some of those are permanent, I suppose.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I don't. I.
Scott Aukerman
You know, I haven't visited a hospital's coma wing recently.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I have.
Rachel Wolfson
I've been to.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, I've.
Rachel Wolfson
I've eaten at Tony Comas before.
Terry Schiavo
That's a.
Rachel Wolfson
One of my favorite.
Scott Aukerman
A place for comas.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, Tony Comas.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I like to read books to a lot of the coma patients.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Terry Schiavo
Okay, well, now you can do that at one of the hotels. Just get them out of the hospitals because they're taking up space them. And long Covid. That is not. Get them out of there.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so you have very strong idea you're bringing.
Terry Schiavo
I think it's just laziness. At a certain point.
Rachel Wolfson
I call them the locos, the long covids.
Terry Schiavo
Oh, I love that. Going to eat. Going to be using that.
Scott Aukerman
So you. So have you talked to other. Have you talked to hospitals about this? Any hospitals? Not just other ones. Have you talked to any hospitals about. Hey, we have the. This business idea.
Terry Schiavo
Oh, I don't want to be in business with the hospital. I want to be in business with the people. So I bypassed the hospitals entirely. And because we give you a better rate than you're going to get, spending however much dang money you're going to spend in that hospital every night.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, really? So what's the, what's the Terry Shive Hotel difference?
Terry Schiavo
Well, it's, it's, we do obviously monthly rates and with minimum week stay, if you're going to be getting in and out of the coma kind of that fast, we're not that interested.
Scott Aukerman
How does anyone know if they're going to get out of the coma in less than a week?
Terry Schiavo
I think they know.
Scott Aukerman
You think they do.
Terry Schiavo
I think they know.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so. So weekly is the minimum, but monthly rates.
Terry Schiavo
Monthly. Traditional. Yeah, we're going to give you a good rate there and we're going to give you all the care that you'd get in a hospital, but just in a hotel. Very nice hotel, by the way.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, what are some of the amenities?
Terry Schiavo
Beds. The, the ones those are in hospitals? Well, in fact. And we, we get hospital beds that have been no longer needed and we.
Scott Aukerman
So right now there's no difference between you and a hospital. Hospital. Well, when it comes to this one amenity that you're touting. Well, as, as the top line amenity that comes to mind, first beds are old hospital beds.
Terry Schiavo
Well, but the exterior look definitely looks like a hotel.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, wow.
Terry Schiavo
Like a Fairmont.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
You know, that sounds kind of nice.
Terry Schiavo
You don't want it. Hospitals are sterile and, and, and you don't feel good when you're in them. This feels like a hotel because it, it is actually a hotel, but it
Scott Aukerman
actually feels like a hospital in terms of the bed beds. Which is the first thing that you thought of.
Terry Schiavo
It does. Well, it's the first thing that I thought of, but maybe someone else thinks of something different.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so what's the second thing, what's the second amenity that you want to advertise as the Terry Shive Hotel has?
Terry Schiavo
Well, we. A room service.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. Meaning much like a hospital, people come into your room and give you the food.
Terry Schiavo
No, not, not at all like that. We have someone that comes, they'll bring you breakfast, they'll bring you lunch and dinner, and they'll clean out the bedpan on their way out.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Okay, I like this.
Scott Aukerman
I would love to stay at a hotel that actually does that. You get out the bedtime.
Terry Schiavo
You can stay at one of these hotels. They're open to you.
Scott Aukerman
Not in a coma. You said that you're not interested.
Terry Schiavo
I'm interested. You just share it with a coma.
Scott Aukerman
Share it with a person who has a coma or.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah, I call them comas.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, okay.
Terry Schiavo
The people. I call them comas because.
Scott Aukerman
Got it.
Terry Schiavo
They're kind of in between being people anyway, so I say let's call them coma so you could get a room with one of them, but you cannot have sex with them or anything like that, if that's what you were thinking.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. Scott, not everything's sexual.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, hold on a second. That's.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Maybe you share with a coma and your positive energy can maybe bring them out of it.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, that's not what I was thinking.
Terry Schiavo
We don't allow that.
Scott Aukerman
And honestly, I find it a little odd that that's one of the first things you mention as one of the rules, as if it has happened multiple times in your hotel.
Terry Schiavo
I don't. I don't want it to be a problem.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, no one wants it to be a problem, but has it been one?
Terry Schiavo
That's why I said it right up front, is specifically for someone, to be honest.
Scott Aukerman
You talked about the beds first.
Terry Schiavo
That was the first thing I thought of, but I'm glad.
Scott Aukerman
The fact that no one is allowed to have sex with the coma patients.
Terry Schiavo
Absolutely.
Scott Aukerman
That should be.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Should be just normal.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, it should.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And you don't want it to be said.
Terry Schiavo
You don't think it needs to be said. That seems like a problem. All right. If you don't want it to be one of the rules. It's one of my main rules.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. When in Roma, be in a coma.
Scott Aukerman
Thank you.
Terry Schiavo
Oh, wow. Yeah. We'll have fun.
Scott Aukerman
Like Sublima with Roma.
Rachel Wolfson
Sublima with Roma. There's no place like coma. Yeah.
Terry Schiavo
Hold on. Writing these down.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Good.
Terry Schiavo
Slow down.
Scott Aukerman
Wait. What are you writing down on, by the way?
Terry Schiavo
These slogans? Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
No, but what are you writing down on? It's. I can't quite tell. Is that like.
Terry Schiavo
It's wax paper that will. That we use on some of the chairs in the rooms.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. Why are you putting wax paper down on the chair?
Terry Schiavo
Because we can change it out each time. It's kind of. It's cheaper than cleaning every single time.
Scott Aukerman
Just changing wax paper.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Isn't that uncomfortable? Like, if you're sitting there hoping your loved one wakes up from a coma, all the crinkling around when you're constantly shifting.
Terry Schiavo
I think it actually is maybe inspirational to the person in the coma. If you can hear your loved one in the room so that that crinkling is a sign of love.
Scott Aukerman
Also, I don't think it saves on cleaning because you should also be doing cleaning.
Terry Schiavo
We have cleaning.
Scott Aukerman
You do?
Terry Schiavo
Yeah. How often we have a maid service that is comes around. Well, if you're in there for a week, they'll be there once a week for sure.
Rachel Wolfson
I, I, I like, I like your company slogan. It's like Olive Garden. You know, when you're here, you're in a coma.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, exactly.
Terry Schiavo
Hold on, let me write this down real quick. Okay.
Scott Aukerman
So house paper right now is crinkling so loud.
Terry Schiavo
I wasn't that loud and I was sitting on it. So it's going to. Hey, you know, I'm here.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. Make sure that you don't throw it away when you're done because you want to keep these slogans. Yes.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
How deep are the bed pans?
Terry Schiavo
Well, deep. Yeah. I mean, are you going to be sitting on one of them?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Possibly. Yeah.
Terry Schiavo
But they have no water in them, so you're not. I think I get know what you're getting.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I just don't want to touch.
Terry Schiavo
Well, I mean, I was, I think he's worried about his dipping his hog in, into the.
Scott Aukerman
Thank you for using a medical term.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
That's right.
Scott Aukerman
You are in the medical industry. Oh, yeah.
Terry Schiavo
Well, I'm not in the medical industry.
Scott Aukerman
No, you're a hotel.
Terry Schiavo
I have skipped. I bypassed the hospital. The, the hospital.
Scott Aukerman
So you're allowed to say things like hog, whereas if I were to go into, you know, my doctor refers to it as hog.
Terry Schiavo
It's a regional thing. I think people, you know, wherever you're from, you've learned a different word for it.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, I think he's from where you're from.
Scott Aukerman
Whereas Rachel and I, we've said penis earlier in the episode.
Rachel Wolfson
Episode.
Scott Aukerman
Several times.
Rachel Wolfson
It's the, it's the penis game, not the hog game.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah. So it's wherever you learned it.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. So you have, you have made service once a week cleaning out the bedpans. I think that those bedpans could stand a few more cleanings than just once
Terry Schiavo
a week we have had. That's been on the comment cards. That's been one of them. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
And do you have any intentions of fixing that?
Terry Schiavo
Actually, the comment cards were wax paper, so I, I, most of them have been thrown out. And so it does slip my mind. So we're thinking about. Now that you're saying it again, I've got it. Top of mind.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Terry Schiavo
It's the number one thing, but it's not. You cannot have sex with the People in the comas, though, that's actually still number one. Let's say that's number one. This will be number two.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, got it. And this, this goes for. There's just a blanket no sex policy anywhere in the hotel or.
Terry Schiavo
No, I don't think. I think that would be crazy.
Scott Aukerman
Can the employees have sex with each other?
Terry Schiavo
No, no, no.
Scott Aukerman
That's an HR issue.
Terry Schiavo
Absolutely. You wouldn't have that in an office or something?
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so if sex is occurring in your hotel, why, what are the circumstances if the. The employees can't have sex with each other?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Cast in love.
Scott Aukerman
So, so two.
Terry Schiavo
But maybe there's a husband and wife with their. And their, their little son is in
Scott Aukerman
a coma and they're having sex in. In front of the coma. So.
Terry Schiavo
Well, they don't know when he's going to wake up. And they. What? Are they going to stop their routine? They've got bodily urges and functions that need to happen.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I think that's beautiful, Terry.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. We could turn this into a romantic comma comedy.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
You are a character.
Terry Schiavo
Romantic coma spreading down. Okay, got it.
Scott Aukerman
I'm imploring you to get some. Just regular paper, please.
Terry Schiavo
It's. It's an idea. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Are any of the employees allowed to have sex with any of the coma
Terry Schiavo
patients who wake up afterwards on their own free time? I guess so. I mean, maybe it's like, like.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, they're.
Terry Schiavo
They're.
Scott Aukerman
They. Doctor, Doctor, come quick.
Terry Schiavo
No doctors.
Scott Aukerman
No doctors.
Terry Schiavo
No.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so I've heard of Doctors Without Borders, but Doctors without any.
Terry Schiavo
Doctors Without Boundaries.
Rachel Wolfson
I've heard of them.
Scott Aukerman
I've heard of them, actually, but so, so no doctors are here. So if someone wakes up from a coma, what, how are they attended to by the bellhop?
Terry Schiavo
So that's who. We don't have doctors there. It's not a hospital. But we have bellhops that are there for your everyday and concierge and that's mostly for things to do in town, but they're not usually using them.
Scott Aukerman
And are the bellhops wearing stethoscopes? Are they wearing white coats?
Terry Schiavo
No, they're wearing, you know, a little red suit with a lot of gold medallions and a little red hat.
Scott Aukerman
Typical red hat.
Terry Schiavo
Can you picture, if you can picture
Scott Aukerman
that Steve Bashami and Barton Fink, maybe monkey grinder outfit. Sure. Yeah. Or Dunston checks in. Remember that?
Terry Schiavo
The monkey.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Of course.
Scott Aukerman
Remember that movie? Dunston chucks in, Checks in or checks in.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah, I think it's a orangutan.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I believe Jason Alexander assisted a monkey checking into a hotel. I'm assuming is the plot of that movie. Movie.
Terry Schiavo
I do. I do remember it. Yeah. It has very little to do with what we do.
Scott Aukerman
But you're a hotel, aren't you?
Terry Schiavo
We are. Yeah. So there's a first time you've admitted we're not a hospital.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Scott assumes all hotels have a deep knowledge of Dunstan checks in.
Terry Schiavo
We do. I mean, we do love other. I love movies about hotels. It's just not one of the Pretty
Scott Aukerman
Woman that's set a lot in a hotel. Yeah.
Terry Schiavo
Also with Jason Alexander.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. He. He really had a lock on hotel movies, when you think about it.
Terry Schiavo
Those two for sure.
Scott Aukerman
I mean, 90% of his. IMDb I'm looking it up right now is hotel based. Seinfeld. There's a little bit of trivia on this. Seinfeld. Everyone thought that was an apartment. It was set in a hotel.
Terry Schiavo
It was set in a hotel.
Scott Aukerman
Incredible what you learned about show business. Wow. So there are concierges who are there to assist any of the guests with reservations. Amusement park tickets.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah. Local. What shows are playing in town? Because we have. We've got. We've set up the Terry Chive hotels in most major cities right now. And Europe. We got some in Europe. Some of those shut down a little bit. Bedbugs. That's not on us. That's a. Europe is cluttered with bedbugs.
Scott Aukerman
Is it really? Oh, yeah.
Terry Schiavo
European. You never heard about European hotels having bedbugs?
Scott Aukerman
I. I mean, I. I've heard of every hotel having bedbugs. I didn't know that it was centered in Europe.
Terry Schiavo
As rampant in Europe.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, I didn't know that. But do coma patients really care about bedbugs?
Terry Schiavo
No, but the loved ones do. The ones that are in there. And the employees honestly don't love them either.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Terry Schiavo
So we will shut down the Shive Hotel if it does have bedbugs.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, good.
Terry Schiavo
That's the.
Scott Aukerman
That's one of your major promises.
Terry Schiavo
Not my number one.
Scott Aukerman
No, your number one is no one better have sex.
Terry Schiavo
That's right. That.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Absolutely.
Terry Schiavo
Some people think it shouldn't even be a rule, apparently, Tyler. But I think it should be a rule.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Rachel Wolfson
I think the best way to have sex is in a coma.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Right.
Terry Schiavo
With another coma,
Scott Aukerman
I think. Yeah. Two. Two patients having sex with each other. Is that allowed?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I think that could be. Really?
Terry Schiavo
I've never seen it, but I think it'd be wonderful if they're two comas. Kind of when no one's looking. Like, come Alive at night like Toy Story and have sex with each other.
Scott Aukerman
And maybe one of them on the bottom of their foot has Andy written. Written, you know, or.
Terry Schiavo
That's nice.
Scott Aukerman
You know, I can see it. I. I think the Toy Story parallels could just go on and on.
Terry Schiavo
You have got me thinking now that every time we, you know, we turn out the lights and we do have curfew, so we do turn out the lights. That, and we're downstairs, you know, I wonder if they're having sex. We don't know. We don't know what they're doing.
Scott Aukerman
I wonder if the Toy Story. The toys in Toy Story are having sex. I mean, Bo Peep and Woody have a consensual relationship.
Rachel Wolfson
And his name is Woody and her name is Peep.
Scott Aukerman
Peep.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Can I put my Woody in your Peep?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And I'm sure Buzz is around just supporting them.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And not relationship at all. I think he's just there kind of
Scott Aukerman
being a supportive friend, giving it to infinity and taking them.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Taking her to space if she needs to go. But it's like just more to see
Scott Aukerman
it and maybe a friendly ear to listen to. He'll flip up his helmet and actually listen to her for once.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, but I think that's. I think this is a great idea, Scott. Some kind of Toy Story cosplay, directed by Tyler Perry.
Scott Aukerman
Yes. Starring Medea.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah, Heller. Well, the name.
Scott Aukerman
Are you saying hello, or you think it's hilarious?
Terry Schiavo
I was saying Heller.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
All right, you are definitely from where my doctor is from.
Terry Schiavo
Where's that?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I. You guys. He says that, too.
Terry Schiavo
Because I'm from upstate New York.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Okay.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, you're from upstate New York.
Terry Schiavo
Okay.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I think he's from Schenectady.
Scott Aukerman
So this is. I mean, how is the. You. You have multiple Terry Shive hotels.
Terry Schiavo
Yeah, Most in most major metropolitan cities.
Scott Aukerman
And you'll only shut down the ones that get bedbugs.
Terry Schiavo
Why else would we shut one down?
Scott Aukerman
Because of lack of business. Yeah.
Terry Schiavo
Oh, no. We've. We've been doing well with them. Yeah. Now we threaten.
Scott Aukerman
We would.
Terry Schiavo
You know what? I would arson for a bomb threat.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
If you ever have a bomb threat, call me. I'll take care of it.
Scott Aukerman
In what way? Do you know how to defuse bombs?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, I've done that a time or two.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Terry Schiavo
Before the police, we would call. You think. Call you?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, call me. I think my experience dealing with emotional time bombs really helped set me up.
Scott Aukerman
You've cut the emotional green wire.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. Now it actually just. My hands are steady as a rock.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Interesting. I think that you guys should work together. Honestly, like, have you thought of. I know you're independently wealthy. Yeah, but business. And what was the other one that you have. Well, you invented. What was it?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
It's a. It's a new type of chocolate.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, right. Yeah. Okay. But I. I think that you guys could work together. Well, we do. We.
Terry Schiavo
We still have. We're working out the kinks, and we have some needs for things.
Scott Aukerman
You have so many hotels. Have you not worked out the kinks?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Scott, you're a real matchmaker today. I don't know.
Scott Aukerman
I see people and I see the connections between them. I mean, wouldn't it be great if Tyler was working for you? Terry and Rachel was hanging around because they're great friends. You know, I thought there was chemistry between you and. And Terry Schiavo over here.
Rachel Wolfson
Everyone, every.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, really?
Terry Schiavo
Yeah, I got a wife. Sorry, I'm. I'm locked up at home.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, but that doesn't. That doesn't mean you can't participate in science. It's chemistry.
Scott Aukerman
Tell us about your wife. What?
Terry Schiavo
Her name.
Scott Aukerman
What do you. What do you mean? Locked up? Yeah. What do you mean?
Terry Schiavo
Oh, lockdown. Like, she locked me down.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, okay. So. But she's not a coma patient.
Terry Schiavo
Not yet, no. She's a. Very much alive. Well, the comas are alive, too, I should say. And she's not vegetative in any way.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. She's a. Nor. We don't. We don't mean to imply that, but she's just a. Everything's functional. Functioning in that regard.
Terry Schiavo
Everything's functioning. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
And you have a healthy sexual relationship with her.
Terry Schiavo
Very voracious, actually.
Scott Aukerman
And you do all the position. You do the reverse cowgirl, and that's
Terry Schiavo
how she got pregnant.
Scott Aukerman
All right, so you have children.
Rachel Wolfson
No.
Scott Aukerman
No further questions.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And I support making that choice.
Terry Schiavo
Well, Terry, her name's Helene, by the way.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Terry Schiavo
You didn't ask.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, I wasn't interested.
Terry Schiavo
Well, that makes you think of her more like an object than I was. You were saying.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Wow, that's really interesting. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So your. Your intention to tell me her name was to humanize her for me?
Terry Schiavo
Well, now I know you. Now you can picture her. Yeah, I know.
Scott Aukerman
I'm not picturing her because you haven't described her. What do you think is her ass or titties?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
You know what? I am picturing her. And she's beautiful.
Scott Aukerman
So she is a.
Rachel Wolfson
A.
Scott Aukerman
A beautiful woman. To you, at least. To me, at least.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Helene.
Scott Aukerman
Helene? Yeah, Helene. And where did you meet Helene?
Terry Schiavo
France.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. When you were beautiful off closing one of your hotels, it.
Terry Schiavo
Well, yeah, we had. Obviously, we had bedbugs there. Some of the ones in the States do have bedbugs as well, but we'll shut them down, too. Okay, but Europeans horrible with bedbugs, so. Okay, well, I did meet her when I was shutting it down. She was an important employ of one of the chevotels.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. And there was no conflict of interest there. That wasn't an HR problem because you were shutting down and she was out of work.
Terry Schiavo
I. Well, I fudged it a little bit because we were shutting down, and. And for the. I said it was bedbugs, but I just closed the whole hotel so she wouldn't be an employee anymore.
Rachel Wolfson
I don't like to call them HR problems. I like to call them HR solutions opportunities. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. This is an opportunity for our HR head of HR to do a little work here. You know, like pay their salary to take care of the fact that I'm having sex with one of my employees.
Terry Schiavo
Well, she wasn't my employee. I fired the whole staff and shut it down, so. Great. We were good there.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, so you. You've. What was the discussion like with you and Helene? Is. Helena. Helene. Helene Heller. What was.
Terry Schiavo
Are you saying hello?
Scott Aukerman
I have no idea. Okay, what was this discussion like? Hey, by the way, you're fired. Remember that? You're fired, right?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, I do remember.
Scott Aukerman
So you're fired. By the way, do you want to have dinner with me tonight?
Terry Schiavo
Well, it wasn't in the. It wasn't done as inarticulately as that.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, I beg your pardon, good sir, please tell us exactly how you articulated it.
Terry Schiavo
I said, everyone get out of the building right now. We have bedbugs. So out on the sidewalk, I said this. I put my. I gently put my hand on her shoulder and said, I think this chavo tale is not long for this world.
Scott Aukerman
So already you've done some of those. Crossed those boundaries. You put your hand on her shoulder when you had a sexual interest in her.
Terry Schiavo
I had a romantic interest in her that quickly developed into a sexual thirst that.
Scott Aukerman
That had to be quenched.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Scott, you got to get a job in a Renaissance fair. Why that kind of little English accent you just did?
Rachel Wolfson
I thought.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I didn't know where I was for a second. I thought, I'm in the Middle Ages.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, well, I. You know, hey, the Comedy Bang Bang tour is coming to the UK next month, so. Well, you are out there.
Terry Schiavo
Bedbugs.
Scott Aukerman
I know. I'll be on the lookout because of you. So you put your hand on her shoulder and then you say, the hotel may not be long for this earth.
Terry Schiavo
Would you like to come back to me, with me and live in Niagara Falls?
Scott Aukerman
So you haven't fired her at this point and you're asking her to. To cohabitate?
Terry Schiavo
Well, I wouldn't say we'd live together at first. I say come back with me. We'll figure out the lodging at some point. And we started dating after that. And then while we were dating, I gave her her notice. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. Okay. So then this.
Terry Schiavo
I never told her she was fired. I gave her a pink slit, essentially. So I never had to say the words and be the bad guy.
Scott Aukerman
This sounds like there were a lot of issues with this. But look, you own the place, so who's gonna fire you, right?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. Niagara Falls, exciting place. Honeymoon capital of the world. Just a lot of.
Scott Aukerman
That's an interesting bit of trivia.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Thank you. So much exciting relationship energy can develop there.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah, fantastic.
Terry Schiavo
We haven't gotten to. We haven't gone to the falls yet. We still need to.
Scott Aukerman
You live there, but you haven't gotten there.
Terry Schiavo
I haven't seen. I have not. Have not seen him yet. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Where do you live in Niagara Falls? Is the back of your house up against the falls? You just haven't.
Terry Schiavo
It is facing south of the falls. Yeah, I've heard them. You can. They won't shut up, frankly. But yeah. Haven't we. Haven't we spend most of the time at the front yard. Front yard and the cheval tails. I'm on the road a lot, so. And when you fly in the. The route does not go over the falls. You cannot or. I'm sorry, it goes directly over the fall. So if you're trying to look out,
Scott Aukerman
you can't look out either side of the window.
Terry Schiavo
You would not.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
So unless you got a glass bottom car and they don't make those yet.
Scott Aukerman
I think you're in a plane though.
Terry Schiavo
True enough, that is.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Give me some of that wax paper, friend.
Terry Schiavo
Writing this down. Actually, if you want, we could. If you had a glass bottom floor in one of our shabotels, we could spy on the comas to see if they're having sex with each other when we turn off the lights. Now that's an idea.
Scott Aukerman
This is not a bad idea. Would you ride in a glass bottom car? I would find that too frightening. I think glass bottom boats are already frightening. But if like you could see the pavement and how fast you were going underneath you, would you ever get in one.
Rachel Wolfson
I. I would live in a glass bottom house.
Scott Aukerman
You would?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
So you'd see like the. The worms and everything underneath your house.
Rachel Wolfson
Everything. I want to throw stones. I have no secrets. You can, you know.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I love to see the worms. Yeah, the worms.
Scott Aukerman
The worms.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
The whams.
Scott Aukerman
The worms. As Slugo says in the Nancy comics.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
I love to see him crawling around eating the dirt. Oh, man, I'd love to see if
Scott Aukerman
there's bones underneath my house. House, you know?
Rachel Wolfson
Well, there are.
Scott Aukerman
You think there are Really?
Rachel Wolfson
I could smell it.
Scott Aukerman
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Rachel Wolfson
Is that why you have me coming from the side?
Scott Aukerman
Well, I have to say Terry Schiavo. Not that Terry Schiavo, but.
Terry Schiavo
But now I'm owning it and yeah, we're leaning into it hard.
Scott Aukerman
What did you do before you were a hotelier, by the way?
Terry Schiavo
I was a field baton captain at the girls for the girls team at the local high school.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Thank you for your service.
Scott Aukerman
All right, well, you know what, guys, we are running out of time here. We only have time for one final feature on the show and that is of course a little something called plugs. Oh, wow. That was comically Plug Ball theme by Parmigiano Reggie Washioatio. Thanks to them. And if you have a plug theme, head over to cbbworld.com plugs and you can upload your themes over there as well as find anything you need for the remixes for the closing theme. And what are we plugging here, Rachel? Obviously we have the new Jackass movie this Friday.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. Coming out this Friday. Bring, bring, bring your tissues.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Rachel Wolfson
And some for your face.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. And bring, bring Rachel's parents.
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, yeah, my dad and mom. They'll be there, you know, and if
Scott Aukerman
they need a ride, they could pick up your parents for you if.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. Honestly, can someone give them a ride? Specifically my dad.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah.
Rachel Wolfson
I. I need some space.
Scott Aukerman
And are you. You're out there doing stand up as well?
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, I'm out here. I'm gonna be on the road at the end of the year. I have. I'll have dates coming up on my website, which I think is Rachel Wolfson comedy. I'm gonna have to check that. But even if it's not, go to the bitcoin girl, Rachel Wolfson.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And I got your parents. Don't worry.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. Thank you.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Love me.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah, she gets the.
Scott Aukerman
She gets questions about Jackass.
Rachel Wolfson
She does interviews. And then my sister, she's a judge, she's a politician. People think that I quit comedy to be in Jackass to become a judge and I don't correct them.
Terry Schiavo
This is great.
Scott Aukerman
I love the confusion.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. So no one really knows who I am. I'm still finding that out. But I have social media. You know, I got. You can follow me there. And that's at Rachel Wolfson. And then I have another name for. It's just a mess.
Scott Aukerman
It's just a mess out there. But you know what? I think if you just enter Rachel. Rachel Wolfson into Comedian, not the blockchain, make sure it says, Rachel Wolfson, comedian, not the blockchain. Whatever comes up, I think will apply to you.
Rachel Wolfson
Yeah. Just follow whoever that is.
Scott Aukerman
Wonderful. Tyler, your girl's new friend. What do you want to plug here?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, I've been listening to the Action Boys podcast. I check them out on actionboys Biz. It's three guys talking about some fun old movies, and it really helps my commute fly by because I'm driving from one friend's house to another and I'm putting on a lot of miles. And boy, does it just cruise with the Action Boys on. Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Because these are long, long episodes, right?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
They're super long. Yeah. And I'm in the car all day long. I mean, these are like a couple hours long.
Scott Aukerman
And this is about a podcast where they talk about movies that. Primarily from a certain era, right?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. 80s or 90s.
Scott Aukerman
80s or 90s action movies.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. A lot of Van Damme, Schwarzenegger, Stallone type films.
Terry Schiavo
Sure.
Scott Aukerman
I saw Hard Target recently. I thought of them.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, yeah, Great, great.
Scott Aukerman
Probably like that, right?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah. I mean, JCVD has a mullet in that one.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. Incredible. And Terry Schiavo.
Terry Schiavo
What?
Scott Aukerman
Hotel aide Terry Shiavo. What do you want to plug?
Terry Schiavo
If you want the. The season five of Ghosts just finished airing and you can see the whole season now on Paramount plus.
Scott Aukerman
Okay. Yeah. And there's a lot of really funny performers on that. And there's one guy who was. He plays he a Civil War guy or what is he?
Terry Schiavo
There's one guy who plays the British Revolutionary War soldier Ghost on there. Nigel.
Scott Aukerman
Nigel. Yeah. And he's extra funny, Right?
Terry Schiavo
He does stand out. Yeah. From the pack, is what I've heard.
Scott Aukerman
Yeah. And not just because of the costume, but because of his talent and acting ability and Way to land a joke.
Terry Schiavo
More that. Yeah. Than the costume. That's what people reference.
Scott Aukerman
All right, well, I want to plug. Look, the Comedy Bang Bang Tour. We are out there. We're wrapping up the first part of the tour. We're going to be in New York tomorrow at Town hall, and then we're Going to Philadelphia and Boston in Fairfield, Connecticut, Portland, Maine. And then next month we're going to be in London, Glasgow, Manchester, Leeds, Bristol, Dublin. Then we do the west coast and then we do the southwest. We've been having a lot of fun on the tour. Hopefully you've been following along with us listening at CBB World. If you're in the Maximus tier, you can hear all of the episodes the day after we record them and we want to see you out there. So head over to cbbworld.com tour for ticket links and while you're over there, become a subscriber because again we have the entire tour up there as we are doing it. And we have other shows like Scott hasn't seen and Collegetown and the Neighborhood. Listen, and CBB presents all of that over there. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Here we go. I wanna close the bag, babe I wanna kiss me
Terry Schiavo
I wanna make it
Scott Aukerman
right with the ringling now you know. All right. That was An Indecent Proposal by John Kelly. Thank you so much to John Kelly. And speaking of thank you, I wanna thank our guests. Rachel, so nice to meet you.
Rachel Wolfson
So nice to meet you.
Scott Aukerman
And I'm glad you're not hurt and or dead from the movies and would love to see you out there in your standup. You're a very funny comedian and than thank you for being on and I sincerely hope you never return for your own sake.
Rachel Wolfson
Oh, thank you.
Scott Aukerman
And Tyler, your girl's new friend. Wonderful to meet you.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Oh, thanks for having me on. I love being your pager.
Scott Aukerman
Has been going off incessantly by the way. It's almost as loud as the wax paper.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah, I'm sorry if that's getting picked up by the mics. Yeah, I don't want to inter interrupt the show but yeah, a lot's going on.
Scott Aukerman
What's happening right now.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Have you still a lot of friend drama. A lot of people are working a lot of stuff out. But I'm. I'm glad to be part of this community too.
Terry Schiavo
Okay.
Scott Aukerman
I don't know that I would consider you to be a part of this community.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Really happy to be part of this.
Scott Aukerman
I think you're gonna stay in the one timers club too, honestly. And that's by my choice.
Rachel Wolfson
Love being.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Love being part of the community.
Scott Aukerman
Okay.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
And then wait to be back.
Scott Aukerman
Terry Schiavo. What? What are you right. What are you writing right now?
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Gr.
Scott Aukerman
Groceries.
Terry Schiavo
Sorry?
Scott Aukerman
Groceries. What do you need at the grocery store?
Terry Schiavo
Well, let's see. What did I just write?
Rachel Wolfson
Down.
Terry Schiavo
Green beans. That was as far as I got. Okay, that was. That was top of mind.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Yeah.
Scott Aukerman
Why are green beans top of mind for you? Are you a green bean guy?
Terry Schiavo
Well, it was the number. I love. I do love green beans. It was the number one thing besides. Number one. Besides don't having sex with a coma patient. The number one thing I was just thinking of was green beans.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, number two, why were you thinking of green beans? Do you enjoy eating them?
Terry Schiavo
Yeah, I think I would. You know what, honestly, I was thinking about during all of our talk, I was thinking about vegetables.
Scott Aukerman
You were? In general, because of.
Terry Schiavo
Well, you know.
Scott Aukerman
No, I don't.
Terry Schiavo
Coma patients.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
The vegetative state of your.
Scott Aukerman
I thought because of the shape of carrots and what, you know, they're very phallic and the. Having sex with the coma patients.
Terry Schiavo
Exactly.
Scott Aukerman
Okay, well, we'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Hi, I'm Jenny Slate and believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast. I'm Gabe Leadman. I'm Max Silvestri and we've been friends for 20 years. And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives. It's called I need you guys. Should I give my baby fresh vegetables? Can I drink the water at the hospital? My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop. You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode. I need you guys.
Rachel Wolfson
Not sure if you have the experience to start your dream job. Good news, these days it's the skills that count. Udemy can help you get those in demand. Skills? Want to be an AI mastermind? Learn with us. Game developer. We've got you covered. AWS certified cloud practitioner. We can help you prep. You'll learn from real world experts, Experts who love what they do so that you can love what you do. Go to udemy.com for the skills to get you started and get set for your dream job.
Scott Aukerman
Why have I asked my electrician I found on Angie.com to bury my pet
Terry Schiavo
hamster Nibbles in our yard for me?
Scott Aukerman
Because I was so moved by how carefully he buried my electrical wires, I
Terry Schiavo
knew I could trust him to bury my sweet Nibbles after his untimely end.
Scott Aukerman
Huh? Nibbles gone too soon.
Terry Schiavo
May he scurry in peace.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Hey, sorry about your pet, but I just wire stuff.
Scott Aukerman
Nibbles would have loved you like a brother.
Tyler, your girl's new friend
Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects@angie.com.
Episode Date: June 22, 2026
Host: Scott Aukerman
Guests: Rachel Wolfson, Jon Hartman (as Terry Schiavo), Ben Rodgers (as Tyler, your girl’s new friend)
This episode of Comedy Bang Bang brings together comic actor Scott Aukerman, comedian and Jackass star Rachel Wolfson, and two new eccentric characters: Tyler, your girl's new friend (Ben Rodgers), and Terry Schiavo, a hotelier (Jon Hartman). The episode mixes playful, rapid-fire riffing with character-based improv, focusing on Wolfson’s career, confusing internet doppelgängers, parental reactions to stunts, unconventional friendships, and a hotel chain for coma patients.
If you haven’t listened:
This episode delivers everything CBB is known for—quick-witted banter, celebrity/character chaos, and surreal comedic set pieces—anchored by Rachel Wolfson’s reflections on her unique path to stunt-comedy stardom and the endless riffing of Scott and his comic collaborators. Come for the behind-the-scenes Jackass tales; stay for the absurd “coma hotel” pitch, unsolicited sperm-donor friendship, and the world’s most convoluted wax paper policy.
Listen for:
Find Rachel Wolfson on social media: @rachelwolfson
Action Boys podcast at actionboys.biz
Comedy Bang Bang world content: cbbworld.com
Ghosts S5 streaming on Paramount+