Sublime-a With Roma (Rachel Wolfson, Jon Hartman, Ben Rodgers)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: "Sublime-a With Roma" (with Rachel Wolfson, Jon Hartman, Ben Rodgers)

Episode Date: June 22, 2026
Host: Scott Aukerman
Guests: Rachel Wolfson, Jon Hartman (as Terry Schiavo), Ben Rodgers (as Tyler, your girl’s new friend)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang brings together comic actor Scott Aukerman, comedian and Jackass star Rachel Wolfson, and two new eccentric characters: Tyler, your girl's new friend (Ben Rodgers), and Terry Schiavo, a hotelier (Jon Hartman). The episode mixes playful, rapid-fire riffing with character-based improv, focusing on Wolfson’s career, confusing internet doppelgängers, parental reactions to stunts, unconventional friendships, and a hotel chain for coma patients.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Catchphrase Banter & One-Timers Club

• [01:25]–[02:30]: Scott introduces the hunt for a show catchphrase, thanks listener Dr. Good Times for a nonsensical suggestion, and welcomes Rachel to the “One-Timers Club” (most people are in the “Zero-Timers Club”).
• Notable Quote:
  Scott Aukerman: "Almost everyone in the known universe is in the Zero-Timers Club." [01:40]

2. Sorting the Real Rachel Wolfson from Her Blockchain Doppelgänger

• [04:31]–[05:59]: Scott and Rachel riff on her online confusion with another Rachel Wolfson—a blockchain journalist—prompting Wolfson to joke about responding to blockchain podcast invites.
• Notable Quote:
  Rachel Wolfson: "There's actually another Rachel Wolfson out there ... Well, it's not me, but I do respond to her messages." [04:45]

3. Family Background & The O.J. Simpson Trial

• [07:24]–[11:21]: Rachel talks about her mother, Judge Jackie Glass, who sentenced O.J. Simpson, clarifying her mom isn’t Judge Ito, and shares stories from attending O.J.'s bail hearing as a kid.
• Memorable Exchange:
  Scott: "Did your mom have a spark with O.J. Simpson? Will they/won't they?"
  Rachel: "I think he thought he had a stab at it, but I don't ..." [10:20–10:33]
  (Pun play about the O.J. trial.)

4. Rachel’s Childhood and Mullet Days

• [12:24]–[13:29]: Rachel, asked about her rebellious childhood, describes her “mullet and buck teeth” phase, likening her look to Buc-ee’s mascot (a gas station mascot in Texas).
• Notable Quote:
  Rachel: "I think my mom kept my hair short so maybe kidnappers wouldn't take me because I just was ugly." [13:33]

5. Joining Jackass: Stunt Stories & Parental Reactions

• [14:03]–[18:40]: Scott asks Rachel about her unlikely path from stand-up to the Jackass franchise. She discusses how she explained Jackass to her straight-laced judge mother, and taking her parents to the premiere.
  • Parents’ reactions: "It kept my attention. I didn’t fall asleep." [17:22]
  • Dad’s unusual request: Wants Johnny Knoxville’s sweater from Jackass. [17:30–18:10]

6. The New Jackass: Best and Last

• [18:40]–[22:22]: Rachel details the latest film, which mixes new and old footage, admits she “got hurt” but isn’t permanently injured, and laughs about the bizarre pride in being tasered “in the butthole.”
• Notable Bit:
  Rachel: “I was the only one bleeding before the stunts.” [21:26]
  • Talks about menstruating on the first shooting day and its impact (or lack thereof) on stunts.

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Character Segments

7. Tyler, Your Girl’s New Friend (Ben Rodgers)

• [31:24]–[45:12]: Tyler is introduced as a local LA citizen and “your girl’s new friend”—a guy who befriends many women (mostly in relationships), leaving their boyfriends anxious but swearing it’s all platonic... mostly.
  • Claims to be a great cook, gives massages, volunteers as a tree surgeon, and acts as a surrogate sperm donor “for friendship.”
  • Hints that 90% of his platonic friendships result in sex “for the sake of procreation.”
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Scott: "So what percentage of your friends have you had sex with?"
    Tyler: "It's high. High 90s." [43:44]
  • Tyler: "I've provided just endless amounts of sperm, if they need it." [41:47]
  • Rachel: "You're a zoner, not a boner." [35:17]

8. Terry Schiavo, the Hotelier (Jon Hartman)

• [55:34]–[80:07]: Terry Schiavo (not that Terri Schiavo) pitches the “Terry Shive Hotel”: a chain of hotels exclusively for coma patients.
  • Explains their “unique” amenities: old hospital beds, wax paper on chairs for hygiene, maid service, and strict rules (no sex with coma patients).
  • Concierges (not doctors) in red monkey-grinder outfits help guests; family can stay to inspire comas with their presence.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Scott: "What are some of the amenities?"
    Terry: "Beds. The ones in hospitals." [60:13]
  • Terry: "They're kind of in between being people anyway, so I say, let's call them comas." [61:38]
  • Rachel: "When you're here, you're in a coma." [63:45]
• Toy Story riff: Discussing whether coma patients "come alive at night and have sex with each other" like the toys [69:44–70:15].

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Notable Bits and Memorable Moments

• Jackass Explained to Aliens:
  Scott's attempt to explain Jackass to aliens:
  "They enjoy placing a camera in a location and then watching each other get pummeled in the nuts by various animals and machines. Do I have to explain nuts to them?" [15:02]
• Reverse Cowgirl & Stunt Sex Talk:
  Both Tyler and Terry riff at length on sexual positions “for procreation” [43:05–44:13; 73:38–73:42].
• Friend Zone/Zoner Play:
  Rachel and Tyler riff on the “zoner” dynamic:
  Rachel: "You're a zoner, not a boner. And I love that about you." [35:17]
• Running Gags:
  • Wax paper used everywhere in Terry’s hotel; becomes a physical comedy bit [62:51, 63:50].
  • Deep toilets for Tyler, due to large genitals and/or sperm volume [49:54].
  • Tyler's frequent invention claims, including non-stirrable peanut butter and computer-flavored chips [46:05–47:24].

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Important Timestamps

• [01:25] – Real content begins, intro riffing
• [03:23] – Rachel Wolfson formally introduced
• [05:59] – “Real or fake Rachel Wolfson” guessing game
• [07:24]–[11:21] – O.J. Simpson trial/Judge Glass stories
• [13:29] – Rachel’s childhood “mullet and buck teeth”
• [14:03]–[18:40] – Getting into Jackass, parental reactions, dad wants Johnny Knoxville’s sweater
• [18:40]–[22:22] – Stunt injuries, menstruation, pride in doing “hardcore” Jackass stunts
• [31:24]–[45:12] – Tyler’s segment: “just a friend,” sperm donor, inventions
• [55:34]–[80:07] – Terry Schiavo’s coma hotel empire, wax paper, boundaries
• [81:08]–[83:44] – Plugs: Jackass Best and Last, Action Boys, Ghosts (on Paramount+)
• [83:44+] – Episode wind-down and comedic riffing on green beans

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Standout Quotes & Moments

• On Catchphrases:
  Scott: "Almost everyone in the world ... is in the Zero-Timers Club." [01:41]
• On Confusion with Blockchain Rachel Wolfson:
  Rachel: "I love laundry and I love money, so ... Why not blockchain?" [05:12]
• Explaining Jackass Stunts:
  Rachel (on joining Jackass): "I just wanted to disappoint my parents in a new way." [23:09]
• On Parental Movie Reviews:
  Rachel: “My dad—the one thing he wants me to do is give him Johnny Knoxville’s number. … He wants his sweater, the red sweater." [17:30]
• Terry’s Hotel Rules:
  Terry: "You cannot have sex with them (coma patients) or anything like that, if that's what you were thinking." [61:38] Scott: "That should be ... That should be (a rule)!" [62:24]
• Toy Story Parallels:
  Scott: "I wonder if the toys in Toy Story are having sex. I mean, Bo Peep and Woody ..." [70:15]
• Glass-Bottom Houses:
  Rachel: "I would live in a glass bottom house. ... I have no secrets." [79:14]

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Plugs & Outro

• [81:08]:
  • Rachel is promoting Jackass Best and Last (out Friday), an upcoming standup tour, and her socials at @rachelwolfson.
  • Tyler plugs Action Boys podcast.
  • Terry plugs the CBS sitcom Ghosts season 5 on Paramount+.
  • Scott promotes the ongoing Comedy Bang Bang live tour and CBB World subscription.

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Tone and Style

• Playful, meta, and improvisational, peppered with irreverent riffing and absurdity.
• Scott playfully mocks the show’s structure while deftly guiding character bits and callbacks.
• The show is layered with running jokes and improvisational games (e.g. penis vs. hog, wax paper, “zoner” terminology).
• The tone is dry, anarchic, and steeped in wordplay, with Scott balancing sincerity and subversion.

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Summary for New Listeners

If you haven’t listened:
This episode delivers everything CBB is known for—quick-witted banter, celebrity/character chaos, and surreal comedic set pieces—anchored by Rachel Wolfson’s reflections on her unique path to stunt-comedy stardom and the endless riffing of Scott and his comic collaborators. Come for the behind-the-scenes Jackass tales; stay for the absurd “coma hotel” pitch, unsolicited sperm-donor friendship, and the world’s most convoluted wax paper policy.

Listen for:

• Real-life stunts and parental confusion
• Hilarious riffing on family, show business, and friendship
• Bizarre business pitches and sexual nonchalance
• Character-driven chaos and recurring inside jokes

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For More

Find Rachel Wolfson on social media: @rachelwolfson
Action Boys podcast at actionboys.biz
Comedy Bang Bang world content: cbbworld.com
Ghosts S5 streaming on Paramount+

Transcript

[Rachel Wolfson]

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[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

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[Scott Aukerman]

It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Rachel Wolfson]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3

[Scott Aukerman]

month plan equivalent to $15 per month

[Rachel Wolfson]

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[Scott Aukerman]

There's a snake in my boot and a bee in my bonnet. There's another snake in my pants and you should be on it. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Dr. Good Times for that catchphrase submission. I don't want to say that every week, but thank you for the submission. The hunt continues for an appropriate catchphrase, maybe for the 1000th episode. Boy, that would be great. If we could hit on the perfect catchphrase by then. That would be amazing. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Aukerman. We have an exceptional show coming up a little later. We have a local citizen, we have a hotelier, as the French say, hotelier. And we also. Let's just get to our first guest. Why are we wasting time talking about the future when we could be talking about the present? And what a president is. She is entering the exclusive One Timers club on Comedy Bang Bang. A very exclusive club. Look, we've talked about it before. Almost everyone in the world in the known universe is in the zero timers club. 99.9% of the people on this earth who have ever lived, who will ever live are in the Zero Timers Club.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, is one timing. I'm already not invited back.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I. To be honest, you don't want to be invited back because you want to be like prior guests like Ben Stiller or Donald Glover. You want to get so busy that you never return any of my messages.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, I hope that for me, but

[Scott Aukerman]

you're not there yet.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, that's okay. I'm Taking my time.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a journey, show business. And life itself is a journey. And life is also like a box of chocolates. Like that oddball for scump.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, like the chocolates that, that give you diarrhea. What are the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. What are the. Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Laxatives. Life is like a box of laxatives.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are there intentional chocolates that give you diarrhea or is that just a prank?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I think that's just the flavor I like them in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I see.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's your laxatives or your chocolates?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Both. I don't like to separate the two.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. It's like a Reese's peanut butter cup.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's like an adult edible.

[Terry Schiavo]

Bad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

She is entering the One Timers club. She is a standup comedian. She is, I believe. Are you still a podcaster?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, I mean, I go in and out, but yeah, today that's hell yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like my favorite burger.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And she is also a cast member of the new major motion picture Jackass Best and Last, which comes out this Friday. Please welcome to the One Timers Club and to the show. Rachel Wolfson. Hi.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Thank you so much. Thank you for being here at your house.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you. No one ever thanks me for being here.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I really appreciate that, Deserve it.

[Scott Aukerman]

But thank you as well for occupying the same space as us. And it's a pleasure to meet you. We've never met before.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, this is our first time and

[Scott Aukerman]

I hope not our last. Although I hope for your sake you're never on the show again.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. And yes, I, I, I hope for all of our sakes.

[Scott Aukerman]

But let's make the most of your appearance while you're here. Tell me a little bit about yourself because I my impression of you knowing your career now for a number of years, but from before the previous Jackass movie which was called Jackass Forever. If I'm not mistaken, you were a stand up who then got onto these Jackass movies.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

But then I was reading today something about how you were a reporter or, I don't know, a blockchain. I don't even know what it was. I don't know what any of these things are.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, I love this question. There's actually another Rachel Wolfson out there.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it's not you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, it is not me.

[Terry Schiavo]

I look.

[Scott Aukerman]

And how is that occupying show business with another person with the same name?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, it's not me, but I do respond to her messages. I get about coming on Blockchain podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what can you tell us about it then?

[Rachel Wolfson]

The Bitcoin Yeah, you know, I don't know much about it. I think it's a money laundering scheme.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think it is. Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And I love laundry and I love money, so. Why.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's terrible when you put your money in like a pair of jeans, though, and you wash it and it comes out kind of ruined.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I've done that, but with a vape, and the vape still works. And I googled, you're actually not supposed to smoke it after.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why is that?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I think it's bad for your lungs, but the high is still good.

[Scott Aukerman]

And because the detergent has entered the

[Rachel Wolfson]

vape or something, maybe there's like a heat. There's like some science. Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

The heat involved melts the plastic or

[Rachel Wolfson]

something like that, but it still works, you know, And I have a weird twitch in my eye sometimes, but that was there before.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so now what can you tell me about what I've read about you, what is about you and what is about the other Rachel Wolfson? Okay, so let's. Let's. Let's go down what I sort of know about you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, let's guess which one's real.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Which one's about them, which one's about you?

[Rachel Wolfson]

The real Rachel Wolfson versus one of

[Scott Aukerman]

the Rachel Wolfsons apparently no longer smokes weed for health reasons. Is that her or is that you?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, that could be her. It was also me. There was at one point where I stopped smoking weed.

[Scott Aukerman]

And yet you have returned.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I. Yes, I've come back. This time it's personal. Rachel smokes Weed Part 2, starring Forrest Gump.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is all based on riffs we were doing before we started.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No one will know what we're talking about. But it's perfect. It all makes sense. No, I'm back now. I came back.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're back in the weed smoking groove.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yes, I'm back. And I'm proud to be back because when I quit for a year, I just wanted to see if I could do it. And I did it. But I also picked up drinking and smoking cigarettes, so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I mean, you just exchanged one for the other, so. And weed is probably better.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, weed is definitely better. But I was like, what if I quit doing one vice for something that's worse? Usually people do the opposite.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right, Exactly. So you. And how was that year for you? Was it.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, I learned after quitting weed that life's not better, but it's certainly not worse.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so it's about the same. Yeah, Wonderful.

[Terry Schiavo]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

So that is you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now I also learned that one of the Rachel Wolfsons has a parent who was a judge who sentenced my good friend O.J. simpson to 30 years in jail.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yes, she. My mother. Yes, that's the right one. She was the judge in OJ's case where a jury.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's not Judg. Ito. We, we want everyone.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, she is Judge Ito, and I'll tell you, people have asked, is your mom Judge Ito? She is, but, but now she, she's like, you know, like Forrest Gump 2. The first one it's Lanceto, and then the second one it's my mom.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right, right.

[Rachel Wolfson]

So. But the, the jury was the one who said that he.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Was actually guilty. She, she only did the sentencing.

[Rachel Wolfson]

She was just like.

[Scott Aukerman]

And she sort of the judge is like the ringmaster in a.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's like the host of the show, the audience that determines how it goes.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Colbert or the Letterman or the Carson of the courtroom.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Totally. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a good song title. The Carson of the courtroom.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yes, I like the Carson of the court.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Colbert, the Carson of the courtroom. It's. Yeah, I like this.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So she, so she took a look at the jury, it's all blame everything on the jury. The jury said this and she just looked at her guidelines and said, okay, OJ, you have to go to jail for 30, whatever years.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, I believe it was 9 to 33. And I don't think he, he served the whole time because he got out and became a, a contributing resident of Las Vegas.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Yes. And now he hosts a show for us over on CB World.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yes, I saw that. That's very cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

It is cool. You know, he's sort of rehabbing his rep. I don't really, I didn't pay attention to him in the 90s, so I don't really know what was going on with him, but.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, yeah, no, there's a, A naked gun.

[Scott Aukerman]

Naked gun. Oh, okay. Because I've heard of guns. Yeah, but naked ones.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, yeah. Undressed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Interesting. So were you, did you get to go to the trials? Did you get to.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I went to. There was a bail hearing. I think he got pulled in because he had not posted bail or something in between. He, I think he was like, he didn't pay his bail bondsman and apparently you're not allowed to do that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got to pay your bail bondsman if you're, if they're going to put up bail.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's a nice thing to do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's gentlemanly.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Right. And so I think he, it was just a Bad day, I think got lost in the mail. And so my mom just invited him back to the court.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, how nice. And she just to clear all of it up.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, she just, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did he rsvp, like, definitely will attend?

[Rachel Wolfson]

He. He did. He had no choice. And when he got there, you know, my mom just basically said politely that he's being very ignorant and arrogant.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? Is that in the court transcripts? And you were there watching this?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I was there.

[Scott Aukerman]

How did he take that? Did he start putting on any gloves?

[Rachel Wolfson]

You know, I think he fell in love.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Rachel Wolfson]

He just kind of sat there and took it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. So you think your mom and him had some sort of spark there? Will they. Won't they kind of thing?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean, he. I think he thought he had. He had a stab at it, but I don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pun definitely not intended.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, no, no. But yeah, I think that. Yeah, I think guilty and pun not

[Terry Schiavo]

intended of that either.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, I. Yeah. You know, like, sometimes just things don't work out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that's fun though, having a parent who's a judge. Did you go get to go in there every once in a while and watch executions and stuff like that?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Like, who exactly is it fun for?

[Scott Aukerman]

I would think it would be fun for you, but. And, but perhaps not all of the participants who are sitting across from them.

[Rachel Wolfson]

But yeah, I guess it's fun to like watch, you know, your mom judge people.

[Scott Aukerman]

I get. Is it. I, now that I'm thinking about it though, to like having one of my parents yelling at me all day at home and then having to go to their work where they're yelling at people as well.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Are you serious? I've never felt more in common with something, someone than O.J. simpson in my life. Like, he's sitting there and my mom's kind of, you know, saying, you're ignorant, you're arrogant, you don't listen, and you need to go to your room. And I was like, yeah, dude, I get it now.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not. When she orders you to go to your room, it's not a 9 by 11 jail cell.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, it's a little bit bigger, but there is no tv. That's something that.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it may as well be a jail cell.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. They have TV in jail.

[Scott Aukerman]

They do in the common room or. But not in. I mean, not in the actual cells.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I don't know. I think they, they at least have like Netflix.

[Scott Aukerman]

So say, okay, they have some good streaming options.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, no, not me. My parents didn't put a TV in my Room. And I think it's because they didn't want to keep taking it in and out when they would punish me because. Because that was. They would say, we're going to take away your privileges.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And that meant they were meaning right to vote. That and watching mtv. And those two things matter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Those are very. Especially with the Rock the Vote campaign. Those are so inexorably tied together.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, it really shaped me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So were you a rebellious, mischievous child?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, I had a mullet and buck teeth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And. And the buck teeth were on your mouth, I'm presuming.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or in your mouth.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's where they grew.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you. I'm trying to imagine you. Can I draw this? Maybe what you might have looked like.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you had short hair up on top.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. Have you seen the Buc ee's logo?

[Scott Aukerman]

The. The. Who's this now?

[Rachel Wolfson]

The Buc ee's logo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who's. Bucky's.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Buc ee's is like a gas station in Texas. It's. Have you heard of Wawa?

[Scott Aukerman]

I have heard of Wawa.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's like. It's like the Wawa of the South. And the mascot is Bucky's. I'm pretty sure he's the owner and. And founder and.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, I'm not really listening. I'm drawing.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I think he's like a chipmunk or something. Anyways, you got to go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Did you look anything like this?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, yeah, Definitely with the mustache, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I was trying to draw the buck teeth, and you're not looking like

[Rachel Wolfson]

what I look like. I'll show you the picture. I'll show you my picture at the end. And I chose this. That haircut.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you really? Why? What, did you see it on someone else and you were like, so growing

[Rachel Wolfson]

up, my mom kept my hair short on purpose. And I just thought that maybe. She just thought maybe they wouldn't kidnap me because I just was ugly.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're too identifiable. Usually the kidnappers, they take people with long hair, and then they cut the hair.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, it's more like. It's more like she has short hair. It's goofy, and she doesn't shut up.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I forget why we even started talking about this.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, I remember. You wanted to know about my career.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, right, right. So then suddenly you're in Jackass.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. I mean, it all led. It all led there. Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

You are in these Jackass movies. You've been in the last one that came out, I believe, three years ago or two years ago. When. When did this one come out? Who even knows?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. What is time?

[Scott Aukerman]

And now you're in something called Jackass Best and last, which is the current Jackass movie number five, by my count.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I mean, these must be just a ball to make. They're, they're. If you haven't seen these Jackass movies, a group of very interesting individuals.

[Rachel Wolfson]

How would you describe Jackass to someone like, let's say an alien comes to Earth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And you're in charge of explaining how macro.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do I need to go, like, I have to explain the United States and other countries in war. Do I show them, like, clips of Hitler first?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Just assume that they've seen all the clips of Hitler. And now we can move on to education.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, okay. There's a group of people who are desensitized to violence. They've desensitized themselves, so much so that they enjoy placing a camera in a location and then watching each other get pummeled in the nuts by. By various animals and machines. Do I have to explain nuts to them?

[Rachel Wolfson]

You know, you might.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can I just say deez nuts?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, they know deez nuts. They don't know what.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, they know also Uranus.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, they do?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, because they've flown around it a few times.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's all you had to say.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, I'll just say Uranus.

[Rachel Wolfson]

They put stuff up their anus. They put stuff up Uranus. And so I. That's exactly how I explained it to my mom.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so your mom didn't know what these were because she's a judge and she's out there like, giving people who do this kind of stuff hard time.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, it's funny because growing up, her name is Jackie Glass, and growing up, her nickname was Jackass Glass. And so she, she manifested this.

[Scott Aukerman]

So do you think when you said, hey, I'm in this movie Jackass, did you say, is this my biopic?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. She was like, oh, wow. I didn't know they were shooting my life. And I was like, listen, I explained to her all these things, you know, and the guys, they put stuff up their butt and like, punch each other in the dick. And. And. And I told her I was gonna

[Scott Aukerman]

go for it, and so was she. I. I always find that interesting with parents who are kind of sound. Sound to me, a little straight laced. I don't know. You haven't told me whether they are

[Rachel Wolfson]

or not, but they're more straight than laced.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, got it. Yeah. Okay. But my parents were more laced. But.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

But but, you know, are. Did they go see the movie? And were they like, that was incredible.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Okay. So I took them to the red carpet and I loved watching my parents watch Jackass, which I think is the first movie they've ever seen. I think my dad movie. The first. Well, it is the first movie, but also the first Jackass movie. And I think my dad.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if they thought all movies were like Jackass? After this, they like, go see Pinocchio and they're like, where were all the stunts?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm telling you, they were so disappointed in the last Batman movie and the Avatar. Like, my dad was like, where's Steve O? So. So, yeah, I loved watching them watch Jackass. And I asked my dad how. What did you think of it? And he's like, you know, it kept my attention the whole time. I didn't fall asleep.

[Scott Aukerman]

These are the kind of compliments that our parents give us.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That fuel the fire of rage within certain artists.

[Rachel Wolfson]

My dad, the one thing he wants me to do is give him Johnny Knoxville's number. And it's the one thing I have over my dad that I'll never.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why does he want Johnny Knoxville's number?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, one. The latest thing he wants from him is he wants his sweater. The green or the red sweater.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And so for my dad's birthday, this lady in his office had her son Photoshop. Not AI Photoshop my dad in Knoxville's red sweater. So I have to find a Knoxville sweater and a double xl.

[Scott Aukerman]

So he doesn't want the actual sweater that Knoxville was wearing? No, he wants a he. Oh, he wants that particular one or he wants one that would fit him. Meeting style.

[Rachel Wolfson]

He wants that one.

[Terry Schiavo]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't go around wanting people's clothes that I meet. You know what I mean? I. That seems like an odd request. It's like, go buy your own fucking sweater.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean, it's not really that odd, but maybe because he's my dad. I just don't. I just don't think it'll look as. Honestly, I don't know. Maybe it will look good if it's maybe a fit in.

[Scott Aukerman]

So do you think he watched Jackass and was, like, not really paying attention to the mayhem, but was just like, that sweater would look good on.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That is 1,000% what happens. That is a thousand percent.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. So now you're in the new one and you did some fairly crazy stuff in the last one. You were stung by scorpions. Does you get the call? Hey, we're doing another one. And purportedly by the title, I would say this is the last one, perhaps.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean, that's what they say.

[Scott Aukerman]

But Motley Crue kept touring after their final.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean. Yeah. Sublime with Rome.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. So. So I. I love that. That's an expression. Like, when in Rome.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, sublime with Rome. Yeah, but so you get. You get the call. Hey, we're doing another one.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you start feeling like I gotta psych myself up for this, or are you just excited from the jump, or how do you feel about it?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I'm already psyched. I've been psyched. Like, yeah, from the jump. I'm just like, I. You know, I said, I want to go hard in this movie. I didn't know what this movie was going to be at the time. I didn't. I didn't know, like, that it was going to be footage, old footage and new. So I.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I don't know anything.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, it's like, old foot. Some of their old footage, and then, like, we shot five days of new stuff. And, you know, I don't know what goes in or whatnot, but I definitely. I got hurt in this one. You know, I got hurt in the lap. The last one.

[Scott Aukerman]

But did you get hurt permanently? Like, you know how Johnny Knoxville talks about. How was it the bull who permanently damaged his.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, when I first. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want to say the word. You keep interrupting me. Penis. Okay, got it.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Penis.

[Scott Aukerman]

Penis.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Penis.

[Scott Aukerman]

Penis.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Penis.

[Scott Aukerman]

Penis. Thank you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, yeah, you guys don't play the game. Sorry about that. I hate when I interrupt someone when they say penis. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you very much.

[Rachel Wolfson]

So I auditioned to be the bull.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, in that original one.

[Rachel Wolfson]

In this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, in this one?

[Rachel Wolfson]

In forever.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you were pitching like, hey, Johnny, what if you went back into the bull ring and I was the bull? Did you want to dress as a bull or you just wanted to act like a bull?

[Rachel Wolfson]

All of it. All the bullshit.

[Scott Aukerman]

And let me just headbutt you in the genitals.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. So they're like, you know, we could have you do that, or you could just be the girl. And I was like, you know, I would love to play the girl just one time.

[Terry Schiavo]

So.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. And then, you know, I kind of had to navigate what that meant because they've never. They've never really liked. Been around one that much.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it seems like that.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think it seems to me like Johnny maybe has had sex with a few of them, but the other guys, I don't know if they've been around any of them.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know, because he's been married a few times.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I don't know about his career, but I will say that I kind of just had to navigate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Hey, these are the different body parts that I have that you don't have.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Probably the first day of shoot, I

[Rachel Wolfson]

was like, what can I bring to set? And I brought my period because I got it on the first day.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you really?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. So I was the only one bleeding before the stunts. And then does that.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this is a serious question. Did that factor into any of the stunts of like. Oh, I don't think Rachel can do this particular one because the sharks will eat. Yes, exactly.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. No, that didn't factor in at all. In fact, it. I think it helped. Yeah. I was in my luteal phase. I don't know what that means.

[Scott Aukerman]

But so this. So this one, you're going harder. You say you got hurt, but you seem fine right now.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I mean, like. Yeah, I'm Like, I'm physically fine, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

But do you mentally. Do you feel a toll after these shoot days where you're just like, oh, my God, that I'm going to have nightmares about this or this is. Yeah, yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

But, like, I've always had nightmares.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, so have I. Everyone has.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. You don't. You know, like, most people are like, oh, what do you dream of? Is it rainbows and butterflies and it's like, no, me getting tasered in the butthole? That's a dream for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that in the new movie, by the way?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Or it might get cut out, but, like, I hope that one makes it.

[Scott Aukerman]

And how did they aim the taser in that particular stunt? Or do they. Do they put it in prior to the stunt happening?

[Rachel Wolfson]

So, like, you know, aim is. What is aim? It's a social construction.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's right. It's just something that the man invented to make police officers feel like they had a goal.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Well, this. I mean, it sounds like an amazing experience for you. You shoot five days, you're in a movie, your parents go see it, and you're being tasered in the butthole.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. And to me, they're like, you know, what. What did you hope for yourself when you were 15? And I say, this is kind of

[Scott Aukerman]

is right, being in a movie. I mean, this. This is. It's a strange way to go about it in a way, but.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, when I first started stand, I. I. I wanted. When I started standup, I was like, I want to be a comedian because I still. That's. I just want to do standup. I love comedy. Yeah, this was. This is what I hoped for. But not really, because when I started standup, I never thought I would be in a movie. I just wanted to, you know, disappoint my parents in a new way. And then that. That's when Knoxville asked me to come audition.

[Scott Aukerman]

And what was the audition? Cause I read it was two days. I. It seems to me like you do one stunt and they go like, yeah, okay, okay.

[Rachel Wolfson]

So initially, I showed up, I thought it was a Jack Black movie. And when I got there.

[Scott Aukerman]

What? Why? It's Johnny Knoxville. Like, asking.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, I'm just kidding. I was saying Jack. They said, I heard Jack Black. I don't have good service by my apartment.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, you just heard. You heard the jug.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, yeah. I was like, whatever. I'm. I'll do anything at this point. And. And I show up, and it's Jamie Lee Curtis as Johnny Knoxville.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's crazy.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Isn't that crazy? Have you seen them?

[Scott Aukerman]

Has she been doing Johnny Knoxville for the past two movies?

[Rachel Wolfson]

You've never seen them in the same room together.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's incredible. Yeah, she is an amazing talent.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, they're both. You know, they are.

[Scott Aukerman]

What a lot of people don't know is Johnny Knoxville. Was her in the Oscar winning Freaky Friday movie. Yes.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do they decide who to give the Oscar to in the Freaky Friday movies? Because they switch bodies. You know what I mean?

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's like, yeah, that might be rough

[Scott Aukerman]

if you give it to Jamie Lee Curtis. Doesn't Lindsay Lohan really deserve it?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyway, Jackass Best and Last is out this Friday, and I'm excited to see what happens to you. I always enjoy the Jackass movies. Our friend Lance Bangs is.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I love.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lance is out there usually throwing up in them, which makes me laugh.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, like that. You know, it's. When Lance Bangs throws up, it's like an angel gains its wings.

[Scott Aukerman]

He has such an interesting career of being, you know, this incredible music video director and being married to a, you know, incredible feminist musical icon. And then he goes and does camera op for these Jackass movies and is caught on film throwing up at people, getting paper cuts.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. I call him Pukes of Hazard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Jackass Best and Last is out this Friday. Rachel, can you stick around? We have an incredible show. We have a local citizen and a hotelier.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, I. Yeah, I was never gonna leave.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, great. Okay, fantastic. Well, we're gonna come right back. We will have more Rachel Wolfson. We'll have a local citizen and a hotelier. We're gonna be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after this. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace Squarespace. It's your all in one platform for building a standout online presence. Whether you're launching something new or leveling up your business, you can secure your domain, create a polished website, share what you have to offer, and get paid all in one place. I hate going to a separate place to get paid. Now you can get paid right there at Squarespace. Squarespace makes it easy to book gigs, sell services and get paid with built in scheduling, invoicing and email tools. You can create a standout site fast using AI or designer templates. No experience needed. Plus, built in SEO helps fans and clients find you, while custom domains keep your brand polished and secure. Showcase videos, promote events or even monetize content. Everything is designed to help you grow your audience and your business. Check out squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial and when you are ready to launch, use offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Warm weather is finally here do you like that song? I like it too. That's why I sang it. But it's also based on truth. Because warm weather is finally here and it's time for breathable, durable clothes that move with you. Wouldn't that be terrible? If you moved and your clothes just stood where you used to be, then you'd be naked. That would be terrible. Mack Weldon makes clothes that actually when you put them on your body, it actually moves along with you and doesn't stay right there. So that's one thing in the plus column. They balance classic pieces with updated details to keep you looking sharp. They're designed to fit your style and the demands of modern life. Think crazy comfortable but elevated. Sweatpants, shorts, sweatshirts, even blazers. Their pieces are easy to style and built for versatile looks that you never have to overthink. Mack Weldon it's effortless by design. I've gotten a lot of stuff from Mack Weldon. Let's see. Recently the radius 5 pocket pant wearing right now I got that in asphalt and moonlighting. Moonlighting is a color I found out. It's like a blue tech linen camp shirt. I got one of those. A Dean oxford shirt. I got a hoodie that I wore this morning when it was a little chilly. Full zip sweatshirt. Got a couple of those. Look, they have great stuff. Get moving with Mack Weldon Comfortable anywhere. Go to mack weldon.com and get 20% off your first order of $125 or more with promo code Bang Bang. That is M A C K W-E-L-O-N.com and then code Bang Bang. Your outdoor space should feel like you, right? You know, maybe you want a fire pit outside, maybe you want a ice sculpture outside. I don't know that that's possible, but a fire pit certainly is. As well as outdoor seating, grills, major appliances, storage, patio lighting, rugs, decor. Well, Wayfair is your one stop shop for home. You can shop with Wayfair Verified, your shortcut to the good stuff. Their team of product specialists vets everything by hand using a 10 point inspection, one point for every finger, testing things like quality of materials, functionality and features, and even how long it takes to build. And with over 20 million five star reviews, you can hear from real customers before you buy. Plus Wayfair deals with the hard parts so you don't have to. Installation and assembly services are available for a truly seamless experience. Now, I got some stuff from Wayfair. I think I've talked about this before. We got the little carpet things for your stairs because we had someone slip down and fall down our stairs, but. And we knew we had to get some of these and there they were at Wayfair. And now we're going up and down the stairs. We can't stop. We're. I mean, we're definitely getting our steps in. We're doing about 50,000 steps a day just going up and down the stairs because it's safe. Now patio season is here and these deals won't last. Head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's W A Y-F A I R.com

[Rachel Wolfson]

Wayfair Every style, every home

[Scott Aukerman]

comedy. Bang bang. We're back. Rachel Wolfson is here from. No, not a bitcoin podcast. What was the other thing that the other Rachel Wolfson does? Rachel, I'm going to look this up. Rachel Wolfson podcast Chronic Relief. No, that's your podcast.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I think they were saying that, that, that this person who I didn't know was two people, did not only a marijuana themed podcast, but also did a bitcoin podcast. I was like, what blockchain?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I call it pot chain. You know, that's again, I'd love to combine things. So money laundering, blockchain. Yeah, blockchain.

[Scott Aukerman]

Block the pot.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, pot, blockchain, pot change.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think we're close.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. Plot chain.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll get there at Some point. Jackass Forever or no. Sorry, Jackass, Best and last. Here's the thing. It was Jackass Forever, like Batman Forever. Shouldn't it be Jackass and Robin?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, I think they wanted that, but the Instagram wasn't available, so they decided to go with best and last.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, got it. Jackass Best and Last out this Friday. We need to get to our next guest. This is exciting. He's a local citizen now. You live in Los Angeles as well, Rachel. So local to both of us, I would imagine.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Please welcome, for the first time on the show, Tyler, your girl's new friend.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Hey, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Thanks for having me on. I'm really happy to be here.

[Scott Aukerman]

My pleasure. This is Rachel.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Hey, Rachel. You look great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever seen the Jackass movies?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, so funny.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Which ones? All of them.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I've seen them all.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've seen them all?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you see them right when they come out?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I see them right when I come. When they come out, I call up a friend.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Which is. Do you have a go to friend that you go to? The Jackass?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I've got a lot of friends. I've got. Yeah, I make friends constantly. Part of the reason why I wanted to come on the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Why? It's such an unusual name. Tyler, your girl's new friend.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Well, a lot of people called me that just because I'm your girl's new friend.

[Scott Aukerman]

What does that mean? I guess I'm not quite understanding what that is.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I've got a lot of female friends.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you do?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And a lot of them are in relationships and sometimes that causes some conflict. And surprisingly, I mean, we're just friends. There's no big deal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. It's a certain type of gentleman who is friends with a lot of females. Rachel, do you have a lot of male best friends?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, I call them the Zoners.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do you call them the Zoners?

[Rachel Wolfson]

You know, they know. They stay in their zone.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

They stay in that friend.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I'm staying in the zone. So I just want to kind of come out and say that there's nothing to worry about. Everything's cool. If some of these guys are upset, I don't understand why. They're lucky guys. I mean, a lot of my friends are pretty amazing ladies.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, well, that's the thing is you should trust your partner. It's not that. It's not the guy they're hanging around with's fault. It's. If you don't trust your partner, it's their. It's their Thing. You know what I mean?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. And that's what I'm telling them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And now you don't try to cross any lines or, you know, have you heard there's this song that I heard the other day, and it was three very interesting gentlemen who were singing about a situation they all had found themselves in where some of the ethical boundaries had been blurred a bit. And I thought, oh, God, that's an interesting situation to be in. Have you ever crossed any of these blurred lines?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I mean, for me, no, I. We just hang out, we have a good time. I love to cook.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you let you. So you cook for these women?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, yeah. Some of my. My girlfriends have just amazing palates. And before I.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Before I host a dinner party, I want to try out my new recipes and the wine pairings with them and get their feedback.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because who are you having the dinner parties with? Them, These women or just other friends?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. And. And I don't want to embarrass myself around them, so I'll find maybe a friend of mine who has a really specific high end palette. No. How do you cook for them specifically? And I mean, they'll give me great feedback.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you figure out that these women have great palates?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Are you in just the conversation? Just.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know how that would come up in conversation.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Just. I'm just listening to them, which is something I. Apparently they don't get a lot of in their relationships.

[Scott Aukerman]

Interesting.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

But have you ever had a conversation where you've discussed your palette? I don't think I've ever.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's a. It's a big topic in my family. We, like, we want to know, you know, about each other's palettes. We're big palette cleansers.

[Scott Aukerman]

How is your palate? Do you have a high end palette?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Is he saying my palate? It's. I'll. I'll try anything.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did you. What did you eat today, for instance?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Air.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I mean, that's the thing.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

You are a character.

[Scott Aukerman]

Most of us are eating air. The majority of the things we eat are air. Right. Just constantly swallowing.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

All day long. We're swallowing air.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, but I drink it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You drink it?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Liquefied air.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And you're an original, and I love that.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Great. Thank you. So are you Tyler?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

You know, I try to be, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you take on Tyler as one of the. Your zoners?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, my God. I have so many Tyler's in my life. What? I like Tyler. You're a zoner, not a boner. And I love that about you.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, I'm a zoner.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I. You know, but here's.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Happy to be a zone.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. Big zoner. My God, my Tyler's. They end up getting married and I am the Tyler now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I'm the Tyler. Like Captain Phillips.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I am now the friend of the guy.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

You're Captain Phillips? Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or you're really the guy who.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, the guy who hijacked Captain Phillips. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which really? That movie should have switched titles in the middle.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

You know, I wasn't paying attention. I was at the movie with my friend, and she was kind of working some stuff out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

So while it was playing, I was kind of more checked in and concerned with her because I think that somebody needed to be there for her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And what was she going through? She had been attacked by pirates.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

You know, she was dealing with some relationship stuff, Scott, which.

[Scott Aukerman]

In her relationship with a pirate?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. I mean, in a way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Like, pirating her emotions.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sort of. Like. What was that? Remember when Metallica got really upset at that website?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, God, yeah. Napster.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I love Napster.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's how I would describe it to your parents. By the way, what is Napster? Remember when Metallica got mad at a website?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, yeah. Oh, man, I miss kids these days.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. And I love music.

[Scott Aukerman]

So are you in a relationship? Oh, you love music. That's great to hear. Are you in a relationship yourself? Are you. Are you with anyone as well, or.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

No, I've been a little unlucky in love, and I just kind of stay open and let the universe. I am spiritual. And also I'm busy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I just Busy doing what?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I just, you know, after the fires, I spent some time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which fires? The ones here or the fires here?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I did some volunteering. I helped try to fix some trees. I did some.

[Rachel Wolfson]

What fires.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

There were some big fires here. All of them. I tried to help out.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you say you tried to fix trees, what does that mean?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

A lot of trees were damaged pretty bad, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

How does one fix that?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, tree surgery. I'm kind of a part.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a tree surgeon?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, I do a little surgery.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I've heard of surgery, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, surgery, Surgery.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I volunteer, Flora.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

So, yeah, I do some volunteering. I volunteer.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're busy. I mean, the fires were now a full year and a half ago.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Right.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

But, you know, it takes a long time to, like, you grow the skin back. And I donated some skin to the trees. I donated some skin to the trees, to some children, wherever whoever needed it. I Had a dermatologist tell me that I had some of the nicest skin they had ever experienced and I was happy to donate it. Now it's growing back.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's good. You're branching out.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I. Oh, that's. That's clever.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think that there's. I think you guys could be.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

No, I mean, we're. We're zoned. I mean, we're having.

[Rachel Wolfson]

What happens when we. What happens when you're each other's Tylers?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's just a. Then it's just a friendship. Right. And now have any of your friendships ever blossomed into something further? Much like that? There's a very interesting film where a woman has an orgasm in a restaurant. Yeah.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And that's an inspirational scene for a lot of people.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It happens all the time. And it's like, at the wrong time too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I show. I've shown that to some friends who were struggling with climaxing. And I'm saying just so much. You gotta fake it till you make it.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And I teach a Kundalini yoga class where sometimes that helps loosen some people up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very cool. So have any of you. Have any of your relationships ever. Ever turned into a romance?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, no, no, it's not like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's never.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

It's never been like that. This is like purely.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me ask you a question then. What's the name of one of your many friends that are women?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, Sarah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sarah, yeah. So say Sarah, were to say to you, you know, Tyler, I actually have developed feelings for you. What would you say in that situation?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I would say maybe we should talk and explore that.

[Scott Aukerman]

So the fact that it has never progressed into a romance is merely because no one has ever said that to you?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Well, I mean, Sarah's in a very serious relationship. I wouldn't want to break that up. And sometimes. Yes, sometimes things can get a little confusing. I mean, if I know a little physical therapy, a little massage therapy, and that can get. Sometimes if I'm like, working on somebody's neck, you know, sometimes they'll maybe develop a bond with me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Then you proceed to the back and then perhaps the pussy, the crack and the neck.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Don't forget the neck.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, it's mostly the neck. I mean. Yes, I've done some surrogate stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you. What?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Sexual surrogate?

[Scott Aukerman]

No. What is it? You've done this for who?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I've done some sexual surgitry. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So in what.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

In what respect?

[Scott Aukerman]

If one of your friends is having difficulty in the bedroom with their boyfriend, you yeah.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Or just fertility problems. Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're there to what. What do you do? You.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

This has all been in the name of friendship. I've had some friends who are having fertility problems, and they will ask me if I'm very fertile and that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? Like, just a ton of sperm?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I do. Yeah. It's blown the mind of

[Scott Aukerman]

just Peter north style. Just.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

It's a lot. It's a lot. It's. It's actually an issue for me. It's a problem.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

It's.

[Scott Aukerman]

You laugh, but once you're.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you're on the receiving end.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yes. It actually causes a lot of issues.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I. I thought he said you're very turtle. That's what I heard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. Like Entourage.

[Rachel Wolfson]

You're very turtle.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You're like, you know, there to drive around your, you know, movie star best friend.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I mean, I'm a little bit of

[Scott Aukerman]

a homebody, if that's what you're saying.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I've had the opposite. All of my friendships have turned romantic, and that's why we're not friends anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that really.

[Terry Schiavo]

So. Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

And is that. Is that because you crossed the boundary into a romantic relationship or just the other person tried to, and you were accepting of it. How does this. How does this work?

[Rachel Wolfson]

How does it. Oh, how does it transition over? Yeah, I mean, sometimes, you know, it. Life just brings two people together and

[Scott Aukerman]

life finds a way.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. You know, you either grow together or grow apart.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And I like to do both with one person.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Wow. That has never happened to me.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you've just never done it?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

No, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you have provided too much sperm for couples who are having trouble.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yes, I've provided just endless amounts of sperm if they need. If they need it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Vials upon vials.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. I mean, it's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or are you implanting it? The.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I'm in place. Yeah. Nature's way, preferably. If they. If they want, I'm happy to do that. But it really. Anyway.

[Scott Aukerman]

And so you have then had sex with a lot of these. Some women. What percentage of your friends over the years have you had sex with?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, great question. Thank you. Yeah. You're really getting good at this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you're. You're a listener.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Can't never miss an episode. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

There have been a few you could

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

have missed, but no, never miss.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. That's so nice.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I got all the merch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Oh, really? You have the. All joking. A salad, T shirt.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Wear it to bed.

[Terry Schiavo]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

So wait, so when you're, like, having sex with some of These women trying to give them your sperm. You're wearing my all joking a salad.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Just keep things light and fun and remember how, like, not serious and. And there's a purpose to it. And we don't want to get stressed out. So, yeah, I'll throw on the all joking a salad and we'll get a.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll laugh and laugh, laugh and laugh. And then the pounding starts.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, I mean, it's. It's. It's less pounding and. And more. Just kind of a lot of direct eye contact.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I don't know that I would like a lot of direct eye contact. I. I honestly want people to look away. Like, I'm not offended if it's like I'm thinking about someone else. You know, it's like, I'm glad about it. Like, don't stare me down. You know, what do you think, Rachel?

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, I want to be stared at.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want to be stared.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I don't want you to look away at all, really. If you look away one time. Second.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you want to be like Dr. James Dobson. You want to focus on the family.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Don't even blink.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And I think that just happens sometimes with you when you're around a friend you're comfortable with. You just wind up in unblinking eye contact.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, we're locked in.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think you ever answered. What percentage of.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

It's high.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's in high.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

It's high. Yeah, I would say high. 90.

[Scott Aukerman]

High 90s.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

It's high. That's rather high. And. But that's. Again, there's nothing to be worried about as far as, like, developing a relationship. I'm not trying to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you certainly devise a sexual relationship.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I mean, for the sake of procreation. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so you're. Are you enjoying this at all? Are you doing multiple positions that feel good or.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Well, certain positions lead to pregnancy more than others.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so you're focusing on that one. And what is this? Reverse cowgirl.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Reverse cowgirl really helps quite a bit.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. All right.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

So, yeah, a lot of reverse cowgirl, but that can get complicated too, because you need to set up mirrors to make a direct eye contact.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Terry Schiavo]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

And how many have conceived with your own?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

The numbers High. Also in the high range. Again, my. My. My seed is potent, but I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it's strong.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yes. Again, these guys who are in relationships with my friends, they are safe. I'm not coming for them.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're certainly coming in a place maybe they would.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I'm trying to help them start a family.

[Scott Aukerman]

So if you're looking for a family and you want some just giant testicled person who creates a lot, I'm assuming.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Well, the testicles are a perfectly normal size.

[Scott Aukerman]

They are. Because why do they create so much?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

They're just working. They're working hard now. Yes. Parts of my anatomy are quite large and it leads to other complications.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which. Do you mind me asking which parts are large? I mean, because I'm looking at you, you seem to be just a normal sized human being. Your hands are pretty regular. Your feet are pretty regular. Nothing. Nothing that I can see on the outside.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. When I. When I'm stripped nude.

[Scott Aukerman]

You. You're saying that like someone else does it to you.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Well, yeah. I mean, sometimes. In. In.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have like a butler?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I do, I do.

[Terry Schiavo]

I'm.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I'm very wealthy.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're wealthy?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

From. From what?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, just from all my inventions.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I got to stop you right here. You're an inventor. This is what I think we should have been talking about from the beginning. What have you invented?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, just all kinds of things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, well, I. I'm going to have to hold your feet to the fire and get. Make you be specific here. What's one of the things that we all know about, you know, Computer chips. Computer chips? Like the actual, like intel chips that are computers that do the process.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I thought they were like chips that were flavored computer.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, I mean, is that what you're talking about?

[Scott Aukerman]

You made some snack items that are snack items, like computers.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Silicon Valley crowd that tastes like wires. Yeah, I mean, they taste like chips, but it's fun. It's fun marketing. And that kind of took off and that led me into the world of chips.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, what else have you invented? Is there. I mean, that sounds more like a business and not an invention, if I'm being honest. You know what I mean? Well, yeah, you didn't invent chips. No, but like, you know how George Washington Carver invented the, you know, peanut butter.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Peanut butter? Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

He made the peanut. Great. As Run DMC once said.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I mean, have you ever had non stirable peanut butter?

[Scott Aukerman]

What does that mean?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Peanut butter. You don't have to stir.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have to or unable to.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

You're unable to.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what are we talking, like thick immovable peanut butter?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Have you ever had that?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't. I know I have not. Is it. Is that one of your inventions?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

It's one of my inventions.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, what totally helps. Does it serve?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Well, it helps in construction in what way?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because it's not sticky anymore. It's not an adhesive.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

That's right. It hardens.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. It sounds like it's already hard. So what purpose does this is affordable?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Scott, get with the times.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

No, I mean, it's one of the problems, and it stresses a lot of my friends out. I mean, how are we going to build housing around here?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I don't know that making immovable peanut butter has solved the housing crisis, but.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Well, you got to think abstractive.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, okay, sure. So that's. So you're a very wealthy individual.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that something that these. The boyfriends of your friends feel?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Maybe. I. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have any Rachel of any of your zoners ever been rich?

[Rachel Wolfson]

No, I don't. That's not what I'm looking for.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's probably why they're zoners.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. None of these relationships have been sexual. They're just purely scientific.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. I mean, there is sex. That happens, but it's for science.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's just to.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Figure out exactly what.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I don't even think any of them have owned wallets

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

and. Yeah. Scott, some of us believe in science.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay? I'm not sick. So, wait, you've had the fauci. Ouchie.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yes. Okay. I got jabbed. I'm not afraid to say it.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Which one and how many times?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I get them all the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every couple. All of them. Every couple of days.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I go, oh, I got Sputnik. I got all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Tyler, your girl's new best. No, sorry, new friend. You're not best friends.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

No, we're not best friends. I mean, sometimes.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

But anyway, you.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Sometimes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm glad that we could.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I've been. I've been the maid of honor, quote, unquote, a time or two.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. We were dismounting, by the way, and going to commercial.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, okay. Sorry. It's a problem I have with the dismount.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, so you're. When you're having sex to create these babies with all of your semen.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't get off of the woman. You lie on top of her.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

For how long? Well.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then we'll take a break.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, well, I do practice some tantric elements, I do think.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, Tyler, your girl's new friend, we're going to come right back. Can you stick around?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I'd love to. I'm having a great time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fantastic. Well, we're going to come right back. We have a hotelier after the Break. That's exciting. You ever stay in a hotel, Tyler?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I do, yes. I love the hotel near me. Deep toilets.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the name of the hotel, Scott.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

No, but the. The hotel has deep toilets.

[Scott Aukerman]

So why is that a plus for you is because you have so much sperm that you're ejaculating? Well, it needs to hold it or you have a ton of shit as well.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I don't have to keep my. My penis from getting dunked in the water. I can let it hang, which is a big relief.

[Scott Aukerman]

I understand.

[Rachel Wolfson]

That's a relief for me too.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, great. Well, Tyler, your girl's new friend, we're going to come right back with you. We'll also have more Rachel Wolfson. Also, we have a hotelier. This is a great episode of Comedy Bang Bang. We're going to come right back after this. Gifts are difficult, right? It's very hard to, especially if you've known someone a really long time, to give them something that feels new, something fresh. I got was lucky enough to find some mahjong themed pajamas for my wife recently. And, you know, it felt personal because she likes mah jong. She likes pajamas. I thought the intersection of these two interests would be something that she liked, and I was right. But, you know, Zazzle is a custom marketplace where you can take basically any product, a mug, a tote bag, a card, a phone case, and make it mean something. You're not buying a gift, you're making one. Browse millions of designs or start from scratch and build something completely your own. Either way, you're the designer. Everything is made on demand, so there's no out of stock. You just pick it, you customize it, you're done. Over 30 million customers have trusted Zazzle with their most important gifts. Yours is next. Right now, save 25% on your first [e-mail]. that's 25% savings on your first order [e-mail] go make somethings amazing. Zazzle.com your outdoor space should feel like you, right? You know, maybe you want a fire pit outside. Maybe you want an ice sculpture outside. I don't know that that's possible, but a fire pit certainly is. As well as outdoor seating, grills, major appliances, storage, patio lighting, rugs, decor. Well, Wayfair is your one stop shop for home. You can shop with Wayfair Verified your shortcut to the good stuff. Their team of product specialists vets everything by hand using a 10 point inspection, one point for every finger, testing things like quality of materials, functionality and features, and even how long it takes to build. And with over 20 million five star reviews, you can hear from real customers before you buy. Plus, Wayfair deals with the hard parts so you don't have to. Installation and assembly services are available for a truly seamless experience. Now, I got some stuff from Wayfair. I think I've talked about this before. We got the little carpet things for your stairs because we had someone slip down and fall down our stairs and we knew we had to get some of these and there they were at Wayfair. And now we're going up and down the stairs. We can't stop. We're, I mean, we're definitely getting our steps in. We're doing about 50,000 steps a day just going up and down the stairs because it's safe now. Patio season is here and these deals won't last. Head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's W A Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair every style, every home. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, maybe you're someone who thrives or just survives during the summer season. Well, for some people, summer is their favorite season. Travel picks up, kids are out of school, and adventure is in full swing. But for others, juggling everything that summer demands can be tough. It can lead to feeling overwhelmed and counting down the minutes until the kids are back in school. So whether you're someone who thrives or just survives in the summer, make sure to take care of yourself during the warm months. Therapy with BetterHelp, the world's largest online therapy platform, can help you understand your needs, feel more confident setting boundaries, and create a version of summer that actually feels good. All you have to do is just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and preferences. And BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. Feel confident knowing betterhelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US you don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10 [e-mail] Bang Bang. That is betterhelp.com Bang Bang. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Rachel Wolfson is here from Jackass. Best and last. And do you think this is the last one? Or do you think in a couple years there's just, you know, gonna be another one? You know the answer. I can tell from your face.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And the only one who knows the answer is the Lord upstairs.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Yeah. He's very invested in the franchise.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. So, I mean, kind of getting into religion. Okay.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

What part?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I. I just want to be a little more soulful as I go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So not any specific religion. You try to be spiritual.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I think there's stuff you can take from all of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. Like what? Like Jesus being the son of God.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I could see you being a Southern Baptist.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I could do handling snakes.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. And they're beautiful creatures.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, look, Tyler, we need to get to our next guest. They are a hotelier and I don't have the name here, but please welcome the hotelier.

[Terry Schiavo]

Hello, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi. Great to meet you. I'm sorry, my producer didn't give me your name, unfortunately.

[Terry Schiavo]

Terry Chavo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Terry Shivo?

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah. With a. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Terry Schiavo]

Terry with a Y. Terry with a Y.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then Shivo spelled the traditional way that we all know about.

[Terry Schiavo]

If it's. Well, I don't know if it's the one, you know, then that's probably it.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Uh huh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Okay. So nice to meet you, Terry. This is Tyler, your girl's new friend. And this is Rachel Wolfston. Wolfson.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's Wolfston.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you a Jackass fan?

[Terry Schiavo]

Absolutely. Yeah, I've seen all of them and I see them right when they come out in the theater as well.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. I have to say, you know, there's another. There's a famous Terri Schiavo.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, yeah, I do know. It's been an albatross around my neck most of my life.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right, right.

[Terry Schiavo]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you're not. You're not related. You're.

[Terry Schiavo]

No, I'm not related. But of course I've get, you know, hear all the jokes and whatnot. What?

[Scott Aukerman]

I. It doesn't seem like a joking matter to me necessarily.

[Terry Schiavo]

I wouldn't think so either. It's about. It was a right to life case.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right, exactly. So. But you're not related to that case?

[Terry Schiavo]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have any strong feelings on it or.

[Terry Schiavo]

I said. I said at the time I was more concerned about. Oh, God, we have the same name,

[Scott Aukerman]

but really the details of the case itself.

[Terry Schiavo]

I don't even remember how it came out in the end, but I don't

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

think it came out well.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, was there? What outcome would be good?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, look, we all are gonna eventually end up up wherever. Whatever happens in your spirituality, Terry.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tyler. What's your name? Tyler. You're Terry. You're Tyler.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

That's right. The shoe T. Should I have had

[Scott Aukerman]

two guests with The T. Damon on the same show.

[Terry Schiavo]

Maybe three.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, you have Tyler the creator, but you're Tyler the inventor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. And you're Tyler the hotelier.

[Terry Schiavo]

Not Tyler at all, actually.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry. You're Terry.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Terry.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

But have you. Has anyone ever nicknamed you Tyler the Hotelier?

[Terry Schiavo]

Not to my knowledge. Okay, maybe behind my back. But no, I mean. And I. To tell you the truth, why I got into this and the. The name is because it's been. I've been dragging it around my whole life, and I can't escape it. I thought, at this point, I'm just gonna make lemonade out of these goddamn lemons because this has been bringing me down. So I decided to make a new business venture and open a series of hotels. The Terry Shave Hotel and Terry shy Votel. Yes, correct.

[Scott Aukerman]

So without the H, it's just Terry shy votel.

[Terry Schiavo]

Correct. But if you're listening to it, I think you can hear that H. Yeah, the.

[Scott Aukerman]

But the H is silent and not even there in the spelling.

[Terry Schiavo]

Not even there at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great.

[Terry Schiavo]

And it's the world's first hotel that is exclusively for comas because.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, wow.

[Terry Schiavo]

Have you ever thought about all the coma patients in hospitals just taking up those damn beds? They're not really patients right now. They're just. We're waiting around and you're just. Have you ever thought, this isn't a hotel? Well, now that is a hotel.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so this is not for people in permanent vegetative states. This is for people who are literally in comas.

[Terry Schiavo]

Literally in comas. But some of those are permanent, I suppose.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I don't. I.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, I haven't visited a hospital's coma wing recently.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I have.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I've been to.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, I've.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I've eaten at Tony Comas before.

[Terry Schiavo]

That's a.

[Rachel Wolfson]

One of my favorite.

[Scott Aukerman]

A place for comas.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, Tony Comas.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I like to read books to a lot of the coma patients.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Terry Schiavo]

Okay, well, now you can do that at one of the hotels. Just get them out of the hospitals because they're taking up space them. And long Covid. That is not. Get them out of there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so you have very strong idea you're bringing.

[Terry Schiavo]

I think it's just laziness. At a certain point.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I call them the locos, the long covids.

[Terry Schiavo]

Oh, I love that. Going to eat. Going to be using that.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you. So have you talked to other. Have you talked to hospitals about this? Any hospitals? Not just other ones. Have you talked to any hospitals about. Hey, we have the. This business idea.

[Terry Schiavo]

Oh, I don't want to be in business with the hospital. I want to be in business with the people. So I bypassed the hospitals entirely. And because we give you a better rate than you're going to get, spending however much dang money you're going to spend in that hospital every night.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? So what's the, what's the Terry Shive Hotel difference?

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, it's, it's, we do obviously monthly rates and with minimum week stay, if you're going to be getting in and out of the coma kind of that fast, we're not that interested.

[Scott Aukerman]

How does anyone know if they're going to get out of the coma in less than a week?

[Terry Schiavo]

I think they know.

[Scott Aukerman]

You think they do.

[Terry Schiavo]

I think they know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so. So weekly is the minimum, but monthly rates.

[Terry Schiavo]

Monthly. Traditional. Yeah, we're going to give you a good rate there and we're going to give you all the care that you'd get in a hospital, but just in a hotel. Very nice hotel, by the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, what are some of the amenities?

[Terry Schiavo]

Beds. The, the ones those are in hospitals? Well, in fact. And we, we get hospital beds that have been no longer needed and we.

[Scott Aukerman]

So right now there's no difference between you and a hospital. Hospital. Well, when it comes to this one amenity that you're touting. Well, as, as the top line amenity that comes to mind, first beds are old hospital beds.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, but the exterior look definitely looks like a hotel.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Terry Schiavo]

Like a Fairmont.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

You know, that sounds kind of nice.

[Terry Schiavo]

You don't want it. Hospitals are sterile and, and, and you don't feel good when you're in them. This feels like a hotel because it, it is actually a hotel, but it

[Scott Aukerman]

actually feels like a hospital in terms of the bed beds. Which is the first thing that you thought of.

[Terry Schiavo]

It does. Well, it's the first thing that I thought of, but maybe someone else thinks of something different.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so what's the second thing, what's the second amenity that you want to advertise as the Terry Shive Hotel has?

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, we. A room service.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Meaning much like a hospital, people come into your room and give you the food.

[Terry Schiavo]

No, not, not at all like that. We have someone that comes, they'll bring you breakfast, they'll bring you lunch and dinner, and they'll clean out the bedpan on their way out.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Okay, I like this.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would love to stay at a hotel that actually does that. You get out the bedtime.

[Terry Schiavo]

You can stay at one of these hotels. They're open to you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not in a coma. You said that you're not interested.

[Terry Schiavo]

I'm interested. You just share it with a coma.

[Scott Aukerman]

Share it with a person who has a coma or.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah, I call them comas.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Terry Schiavo]

The people. I call them comas because.

[Scott Aukerman]

Got it.

[Terry Schiavo]

They're kind of in between being people anyway, so I say let's call them coma so you could get a room with one of them, but you cannot have sex with them or anything like that, if that's what you were thinking.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. Scott, not everything's sexual.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, hold on a second. That's.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Maybe you share with a coma and your positive energy can maybe bring them out of it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, that's not what I was thinking.

[Terry Schiavo]

We don't allow that.

[Scott Aukerman]

And honestly, I find it a little odd that that's one of the first things you mention as one of the rules, as if it has happened multiple times in your hotel.

[Terry Schiavo]

I don't. I don't want it to be a problem.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, no one wants it to be a problem, but has it been one?

[Terry Schiavo]

That's why I said it right up front, is specifically for someone, to be honest.

[Scott Aukerman]

You talked about the beds first.

[Terry Schiavo]

That was the first thing I thought of, but I'm glad.

[Scott Aukerman]

The fact that no one is allowed to have sex with the coma patients.

[Terry Schiavo]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

That should be.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Should be just normal.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it should.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And you don't want it to be said.

[Terry Schiavo]

You don't think it needs to be said. That seems like a problem. All right. If you don't want it to be one of the rules. It's one of my main rules.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. When in Roma, be in a coma.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you.

[Terry Schiavo]

Oh, wow. Yeah. We'll have fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like Sublima with Roma.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Sublima with Roma. There's no place like coma. Yeah.

[Terry Schiavo]

Hold on. Writing these down.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Good.

[Terry Schiavo]

Slow down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait. What are you writing down on, by the way?

[Terry Schiavo]

These slogans? Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, but what are you writing down on? It's. I can't quite tell. Is that like.

[Terry Schiavo]

It's wax paper that will. That we use on some of the chairs in the rooms.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Why are you putting wax paper down on the chair?

[Terry Schiavo]

Because we can change it out each time. It's kind of. It's cheaper than cleaning every single time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just changing wax paper.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Isn't that uncomfortable? Like, if you're sitting there hoping your loved one wakes up from a coma, all the crinkling around when you're constantly shifting.

[Terry Schiavo]

I think it actually is maybe inspirational to the person in the coma. If you can hear your loved one in the room so that that crinkling is a sign of love.

[Scott Aukerman]

Also, I don't think it saves on cleaning because you should also be doing cleaning.

[Terry Schiavo]

We have cleaning.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do?

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah. How often we have a maid service that is comes around. Well, if you're in there for a week, they'll be there once a week for sure.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I, I, I like, I like your company slogan. It's like Olive Garden. You know, when you're here, you're in a coma.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Terry Schiavo]

Hold on, let me write this down real quick. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

So house paper right now is crinkling so loud.

[Terry Schiavo]

I wasn't that loud and I was sitting on it. So it's going to. Hey, you know, I'm here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Make sure that you don't throw it away when you're done because you want to keep these slogans. Yes.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

How deep are the bed pans?

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, deep. Yeah. I mean, are you going to be sitting on one of them?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Possibly. Yeah.

[Terry Schiavo]

But they have no water in them, so you're not. I think I get know what you're getting.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I just don't want to touch.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, I mean, I was, I think he's worried about his dipping his hog in, into the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you for using a medical term.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

You are in the medical industry. Oh, yeah.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, I'm not in the medical industry.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, you're a hotel.

[Terry Schiavo]

I have skipped. I bypassed the hospital. The, the hospital.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're allowed to say things like hog, whereas if I were to go into, you know, my doctor refers to it as hog.

[Terry Schiavo]

It's a regional thing. I think people, you know, wherever you're from, you've learned a different word for it.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, I think he's from where you're from.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whereas Rachel and I, we've said penis earlier in the episode.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Episode.

[Scott Aukerman]

Several times.

[Rachel Wolfson]

It's the, it's the penis game, not the hog game.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah. So it's wherever you learned it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So you have, you have made service once a week cleaning out the bedpans. I think that those bedpans could stand a few more cleanings than just once

[Terry Schiavo]

a week we have had. That's been on the comment cards. That's been one of them. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And do you have any intentions of fixing that?

[Terry Schiavo]

Actually, the comment cards were wax paper, so I, I, most of them have been thrown out. And so it does slip my mind. So we're thinking about. Now that you're saying it again, I've got it. Top of mind.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Terry Schiavo]

It's the number one thing, but it's not. You cannot have sex with the People in the comas, though, that's actually still number one. Let's say that's number one. This will be number two.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, got it. And this, this goes for. There's just a blanket no sex policy anywhere in the hotel or.

[Terry Schiavo]

No, I don't think. I think that would be crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can the employees have sex with each other?

[Terry Schiavo]

No, no, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's an HR issue.

[Terry Schiavo]

Absolutely. You wouldn't have that in an office or something?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so if sex is occurring in your hotel, why, what are the circumstances if the. The employees can't have sex with each other?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Cast in love.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, so two.

[Terry Schiavo]

But maybe there's a husband and wife with their. And their, their little son is in

[Scott Aukerman]

a coma and they're having sex in. In front of the coma. So.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, they don't know when he's going to wake up. And they. What? Are they going to stop their routine? They've got bodily urges and functions that need to happen.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I think that's beautiful, Terry.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. We could turn this into a romantic comma comedy.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

You are a character.

[Terry Schiavo]

Romantic coma spreading down. Okay, got it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm imploring you to get some. Just regular paper, please.

[Terry Schiavo]

It's. It's an idea. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are any of the employees allowed to have sex with any of the coma

[Terry Schiavo]

patients who wake up afterwards on their own free time? I guess so. I mean, maybe it's like, like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, they're.

[Terry Schiavo]

They're.

[Scott Aukerman]

They. Doctor, Doctor, come quick.

[Terry Schiavo]

No doctors.

[Scott Aukerman]

No doctors.

[Terry Schiavo]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so I've heard of Doctors Without Borders, but Doctors without any.

[Terry Schiavo]

Doctors Without Boundaries.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I've heard of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've heard of them, actually, but so, so no doctors are here. So if someone wakes up from a coma, what, how are they attended to by the bellhop?

[Terry Schiavo]

So that's who. We don't have doctors there. It's not a hospital. But we have bellhops that are there for your everyday and concierge and that's mostly for things to do in town, but they're not usually using them.

[Scott Aukerman]

And are the bellhops wearing stethoscopes? Are they wearing white coats?

[Terry Schiavo]

No, they're wearing, you know, a little red suit with a lot of gold medallions and a little red hat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Typical red hat.

[Terry Schiavo]

Can you picture, if you can picture

[Scott Aukerman]

that Steve Bashami and Barton Fink, maybe monkey grinder outfit. Sure. Yeah. Or Dunston checks in. Remember that?

[Terry Schiavo]

The monkey.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Remember that movie? Dunston chucks in, Checks in or checks in.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah, I think it's a orangutan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I believe Jason Alexander assisted a monkey checking into a hotel. I'm assuming is the plot of that movie. Movie.

[Terry Schiavo]

I do. I do remember it. Yeah. It has very little to do with what we do.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you're a hotel, aren't you?

[Terry Schiavo]

We are. Yeah. So there's a first time you've admitted we're not a hospital.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Scott assumes all hotels have a deep knowledge of Dunstan checks in.

[Terry Schiavo]

We do. I mean, we do love other. I love movies about hotels. It's just not one of the Pretty

[Scott Aukerman]

Woman that's set a lot in a hotel. Yeah.

[Terry Schiavo]

Also with Jason Alexander.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. He. He really had a lock on hotel movies, when you think about it.

[Terry Schiavo]

Those two for sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, 90% of his. IMDb I'm looking it up right now is hotel based. Seinfeld. There's a little bit of trivia on this. Seinfeld. Everyone thought that was an apartment. It was set in a hotel.

[Terry Schiavo]

It was set in a hotel.

[Scott Aukerman]

Incredible what you learned about show business. Wow. So there are concierges who are there to assist any of the guests with reservations. Amusement park tickets.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah. Local. What shows are playing in town? Because we have. We've got. We've set up the Terry Chive hotels in most major cities right now. And Europe. We got some in Europe. Some of those shut down a little bit. Bedbugs. That's not on us. That's a. Europe is cluttered with bedbugs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it really? Oh, yeah.

[Terry Schiavo]

European. You never heard about European hotels having bedbugs?

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I mean, I. I've heard of every hotel having bedbugs. I didn't know that it was centered in Europe.

[Terry Schiavo]

As rampant in Europe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I didn't know that. But do coma patients really care about bedbugs?

[Terry Schiavo]

No, but the loved ones do. The ones that are in there. And the employees honestly don't love them either.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Terry Schiavo]

So we will shut down the Shive Hotel if it does have bedbugs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, good.

[Terry Schiavo]

That's the.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's one of your major promises.

[Terry Schiavo]

Not my number one.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, your number one is no one better have sex.

[Terry Schiavo]

That's right. That.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Absolutely.

[Terry Schiavo]

Some people think it shouldn't even be a rule, apparently, Tyler. But I think it should be a rule.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I think the best way to have sex is in a coma.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Right.

[Terry Schiavo]

With another coma,

[Scott Aukerman]

I think. Yeah. Two. Two patients having sex with each other. Is that allowed?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I think that could be. Really?

[Terry Schiavo]

I've never seen it, but I think it'd be wonderful if they're two comas. Kind of when no one's looking. Like, come Alive at night like Toy Story and have sex with each other.

[Scott Aukerman]

And maybe one of them on the bottom of their foot has Andy written. Written, you know, or.

[Terry Schiavo]

That's nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, I can see it. I. I think the Toy Story parallels could just go on and on.

[Terry Schiavo]

You have got me thinking now that every time we, you know, we turn out the lights and we do have curfew, so we do turn out the lights. That, and we're downstairs, you know, I wonder if they're having sex. We don't know. We don't know what they're doing.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wonder if the Toy Story. The toys in Toy Story are having sex. I mean, Bo Peep and Woody have a consensual relationship.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And his name is Woody and her name is Peep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Peep.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can I put my Woody in your Peep?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And I'm sure Buzz is around just supporting them.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And not relationship at all. I think he's just there kind of

[Scott Aukerman]

being a supportive friend, giving it to infinity and taking them.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Taking her to space if she needs to go. But it's like just more to see

[Scott Aukerman]

it and maybe a friendly ear to listen to. He'll flip up his helmet and actually listen to her for once.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, but I think that's. I think this is a great idea, Scott. Some kind of Toy Story cosplay, directed by Tyler Perry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Starring Medea.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah, Heller. Well, the name.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you saying hello, or you think it's hilarious?

[Terry Schiavo]

I was saying Heller.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

All right, you are definitely from where my doctor is from.

[Terry Schiavo]

Where's that?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I. You guys. He says that, too.

[Terry Schiavo]

Because I'm from upstate New York.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you're from upstate New York.

[Terry Schiavo]

Okay.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I think he's from Schenectady.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this is. I mean, how is the. You. You have multiple Terry Shive hotels.

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah, Most in most major metropolitan cities.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you'll only shut down the ones that get bedbugs.

[Terry Schiavo]

Why else would we shut one down?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because of lack of business. Yeah.

[Terry Schiavo]

Oh, no. We've. We've been doing well with them. Yeah. Now we threaten.

[Scott Aukerman]

We would.

[Terry Schiavo]

You know what? I would arson for a bomb threat.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

If you ever have a bomb threat, call me. I'll take care of it.

[Scott Aukerman]

In what way? Do you know how to defuse bombs?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, I've done that a time or two.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Terry Schiavo]

Before the police, we would call. You think. Call you?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, call me. I think my experience dealing with emotional time bombs really helped set me up.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've cut the emotional green wire.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. Now it actually just. My hands are steady as a rock.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Interesting. I think that you guys should work together. Honestly, like, have you thought of. I know you're independently wealthy. Yeah, but business. And what was the other one that you have. Well, you invented. What was it?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

It's a. It's a new type of chocolate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, right. Yeah. Okay. But I. I think that you guys could work together. Well, we do. We.

[Terry Schiavo]

We still have. We're working out the kinks, and we have some needs for things.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have so many hotels. Have you not worked out the kinks?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Scott, you're a real matchmaker today. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I see people and I see the connections between them. I mean, wouldn't it be great if Tyler was working for you? Terry and Rachel was hanging around because they're great friends. You know, I thought there was chemistry between you and. And Terry Schiavo over here.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Everyone, every.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah, I got a wife. Sorry, I'm. I'm locked up at home.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, but that doesn't. That doesn't mean you can't participate in science. It's chemistry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tell us about your wife. What?

[Terry Schiavo]

Her name.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you. What do you mean? Locked up? Yeah. What do you mean?

[Terry Schiavo]

Oh, lockdown. Like, she locked me down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. So. But she's not a coma patient.

[Terry Schiavo]

Not yet, no. She's a. Very much alive. Well, the comas are alive, too, I should say. And she's not vegetative in any way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. She's a. Nor. We don't. We don't mean to imply that, but she's just a. Everything's functional. Functioning in that regard.

[Terry Schiavo]

Everything's functioning. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you have a healthy sexual relationship with her.

[Terry Schiavo]

Very voracious, actually.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you do all the position. You do the reverse cowgirl, and that's

[Terry Schiavo]

how she got pregnant.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so you have children.

[Rachel Wolfson]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

No further questions.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And I support making that choice.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, Terry, her name's Helene, by the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Terry Schiavo]

You didn't ask.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I wasn't interested.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, that makes you think of her more like an object than I was. You were saying.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Wow, that's really interesting. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So your. Your intention to tell me her name was to humanize her for me?

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, now I know you. Now you can picture her. Yeah, I know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not picturing her because you haven't described her. What do you think is her ass or titties?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

You know what? I am picturing her. And she's beautiful.

[Scott Aukerman]

So she is a.

[Rachel Wolfson]

A.

[Scott Aukerman]

A beautiful woman. To you, at least. To me, at least.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Helene.

[Scott Aukerman]

Helene? Yeah, Helene. And where did you meet Helene?

[Terry Schiavo]

France.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. When you were beautiful off closing one of your hotels, it.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, yeah, we had. Obviously, we had bedbugs there. Some of the ones in the States do have bedbugs as well, but we'll shut them down, too. Okay, but Europeans horrible with bedbugs, so. Okay, well, I did meet her when I was shutting it down. She was an important employ of one of the chevotels.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. And there was no conflict of interest there. That wasn't an HR problem because you were shutting down and she was out of work.

[Terry Schiavo]

I. Well, I fudged it a little bit because we were shutting down, and. And for the. I said it was bedbugs, but I just closed the whole hotel so she wouldn't be an employee anymore.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I don't like to call them HR problems. I like to call them HR solutions opportunities. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. This is an opportunity for our HR head of HR to do a little work here. You know, like pay their salary to take care of the fact that I'm having sex with one of my employees.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, she wasn't my employee. I fired the whole staff and shut it down, so. Great. We were good there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so you. You've. What was the discussion like with you and Helene? Is. Helena. Helene. Helene Heller. What was.

[Terry Schiavo]

Are you saying hello?

[Scott Aukerman]

I have no idea. Okay, what was this discussion like? Hey, by the way, you're fired. Remember that? You're fired, right?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, I do remember.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're fired. By the way, do you want to have dinner with me tonight?

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, it wasn't in the. It wasn't done as inarticulately as that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I beg your pardon, good sir, please tell us exactly how you articulated it.

[Terry Schiavo]

I said, everyone get out of the building right now. We have bedbugs. So out on the sidewalk, I said this. I put my. I gently put my hand on her shoulder and said, I think this chavo tale is not long for this world.

[Scott Aukerman]

So already you've done some of those. Crossed those boundaries. You put your hand on her shoulder when you had a sexual interest in her.

[Terry Schiavo]

I had a romantic interest in her that quickly developed into a sexual thirst that.

[Scott Aukerman]

That had to be quenched.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Scott, you got to get a job in a Renaissance fair. Why that kind of little English accent you just did?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I thought.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I didn't know where I was for a second. I thought, I'm in the Middle Ages.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, well, I. You know, hey, the Comedy Bang Bang tour is coming to the UK next month, so. Well, you are out there.

[Terry Schiavo]

Bedbugs.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. I'll be on the lookout because of you. So you put your hand on her shoulder and then you say, the hotel may not be long for this earth.

[Terry Schiavo]

Would you like to come back to me, with me and live in Niagara Falls?

[Scott Aukerman]

So you haven't fired her at this point and you're asking her to. To cohabitate?

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, I wouldn't say we'd live together at first. I say come back with me. We'll figure out the lodging at some point. And we started dating after that. And then while we were dating, I gave her her notice. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Okay. So then this.

[Terry Schiavo]

I never told her she was fired. I gave her a pink slit, essentially. So I never had to say the words and be the bad guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

This sounds like there were a lot of issues with this. But look, you own the place, so who's gonna fire you, right?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. Niagara Falls, exciting place. Honeymoon capital of the world. Just a lot of.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's an interesting bit of trivia.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Thank you. So much exciting relationship energy can develop there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, fantastic.

[Terry Schiavo]

We haven't gotten to. We haven't gone to the falls yet. We still need to.

[Scott Aukerman]

You live there, but you haven't gotten there.

[Terry Schiavo]

I haven't seen. I have not. Have not seen him yet. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where do you live in Niagara Falls? Is the back of your house up against the falls? You just haven't.

[Terry Schiavo]

It is facing south of the falls. Yeah, I've heard them. You can. They won't shut up, frankly. But yeah. Haven't we. Haven't we spend most of the time at the front yard. Front yard and the cheval tails. I'm on the road a lot, so. And when you fly in the. The route does not go over the falls. You cannot or. I'm sorry, it goes directly over the fall. So if you're trying to look out,

[Scott Aukerman]

you can't look out either side of the window.

[Terry Schiavo]

You would not.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

So unless you got a glass bottom car and they don't make those yet.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think you're in a plane though.

[Terry Schiavo]

True enough, that is.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Give me some of that wax paper, friend.

[Terry Schiavo]

Writing this down. Actually, if you want, we could. If you had a glass bottom floor in one of our shabotels, we could spy on the comas to see if they're having sex with each other when we turn off the lights. Now that's an idea.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is not a bad idea. Would you ride in a glass bottom car? I would find that too frightening. I think glass bottom boats are already frightening. But if like you could see the pavement and how fast you were going underneath you, would you ever get in one.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I. I would live in a glass bottom house.

[Scott Aukerman]

You would?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you'd see like the. The worms and everything underneath your house.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Everything. I want to throw stones. I have no secrets. You can, you know.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I love to see the worms. Yeah, the worms.

[Scott Aukerman]

The worms.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

The whams.

[Scott Aukerman]

The worms. As Slugo says in the Nancy comics.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

I love to see him crawling around eating the dirt. Oh, man, I'd love to see if

[Scott Aukerman]

there's bones underneath my house. House, you know?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Well, there are.

[Scott Aukerman]

You think there are Really?

[Rachel Wolfson]

I could smell it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Is that why you have me coming from the side?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I have to say Terry Schiavo. Not that Terry Schiavo, but.

[Terry Schiavo]

But now I'm owning it and yeah, we're leaning into it hard.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did you do before you were a hotelier, by the way?

[Terry Schiavo]

I was a field baton captain at the girls for the girls team at the local high school.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Thank you for your service.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, you know what, guys, we are running out of time here. We only have time for one final feature on the show and that is of course a little something called plugs. Oh, wow. That was comically Plug Ball theme by Parmigiano Reggie Washioatio. Thanks to them. And if you have a plug theme, head over to cbbworld.com plugs and you can upload your themes over there as well as find anything you need for the remixes for the closing theme. And what are we plugging here, Rachel? Obviously we have the new Jackass movie this Friday.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. Coming out this Friday. Bring, bring, bring your tissues.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

And some for your face.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And bring, bring Rachel's parents.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, yeah, my dad and mom. They'll be there, you know, and if

[Scott Aukerman]

they need a ride, they could pick up your parents for you if.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. Honestly, can someone give them a ride? Specifically my dad.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Rachel Wolfson]

I. I need some space.

[Scott Aukerman]

And are you. You're out there doing stand up as well?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, I'm out here. I'm gonna be on the road at the end of the year. I have. I'll have dates coming up on my website, which I think is Rachel Wolfson comedy. I'm gonna have to check that. But even if it's not, go to the bitcoin girl, Rachel Wolfson.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And I got your parents. Don't worry.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Love me.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah, she gets the.

[Scott Aukerman]

She gets questions about Jackass.

[Rachel Wolfson]

She does interviews. And then my sister, she's a judge, she's a politician. People think that I quit comedy to be in Jackass to become a judge and I don't correct them.

[Terry Schiavo]

This is great.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love the confusion.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. So no one really knows who I am. I'm still finding that out. But I have social media. You know, I got. You can follow me there. And that's at Rachel Wolfson. And then I have another name for. It's just a mess.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's just a mess out there. But you know what? I think if you just enter Rachel. Rachel Wolfson into Comedian, not the blockchain, make sure it says, Rachel Wolfson, comedian, not the blockchain. Whatever comes up, I think will apply to you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Yeah. Just follow whoever that is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wonderful. Tyler, your girl's new friend. What do you want to plug here?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, I've been listening to the Action Boys podcast. I check them out on actionboys Biz. It's three guys talking about some fun old movies, and it really helps my commute fly by because I'm driving from one friend's house to another and I'm putting on a lot of miles. And boy, does it just cruise with the Action Boys on. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because these are long, long episodes, right?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

They're super long. Yeah. And I'm in the car all day long. I mean, these are like a couple hours long.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this is about a podcast where they talk about movies that. Primarily from a certain era, right?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. 80s or 90s.

[Scott Aukerman]

80s or 90s action movies.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. A lot of Van Damme, Schwarzenegger, Stallone type films.

[Terry Schiavo]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

I saw Hard Target recently. I thought of them.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, yeah, Great, great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Probably like that, right?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah. I mean, JCVD has a mullet in that one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Incredible. And Terry Schiavo.

[Terry Schiavo]

What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hotel aide Terry Shiavo. What do you want to plug?

[Terry Schiavo]

If you want the. The season five of Ghosts just finished airing and you can see the whole season now on Paramount plus.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah. And there's a lot of really funny performers on that. And there's one guy who was. He plays he a Civil War guy or what is he?

[Terry Schiavo]

There's one guy who plays the British Revolutionary War soldier Ghost on there. Nigel.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nigel. Yeah. And he's extra funny, Right?

[Terry Schiavo]

He does stand out. Yeah. From the pack, is what I've heard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And not just because of the costume, but because of his talent and acting ability and Way to land a joke.

[Terry Schiavo]

More that. Yeah. Than the costume. That's what people reference.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, I want to plug. Look, the Comedy Bang Bang Tour. We are out there. We're wrapping up the first part of the tour. We're going to be in New York tomorrow at Town hall, and then we're Going to Philadelphia and Boston in Fairfield, Connecticut, Portland, Maine. And then next month we're going to be in London, Glasgow, Manchester, Leeds, Bristol, Dublin. Then we do the west coast and then we do the southwest. We've been having a lot of fun on the tour. Hopefully you've been following along with us listening at CBB World. If you're in the Maximus tier, you can hear all of the episodes the day after we record them and we want to see you out there. So head over to cbbworld.com tour for ticket links and while you're over there, become a subscriber because again we have the entire tour up there as we are doing it. And we have other shows like Scott hasn't seen and Collegetown and the Neighborhood. Listen, and CBB presents all of that over there. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Here we go. I wanna close the bag, babe I wanna kiss me

[Terry Schiavo]

I wanna make it

[Scott Aukerman]

right with the ringling now you know. All right. That was An Indecent Proposal by John Kelly. Thank you so much to John Kelly. And speaking of thank you, I wanna thank our guests. Rachel, so nice to meet you.

[Rachel Wolfson]

So nice to meet you.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I'm glad you're not hurt and or dead from the movies and would love to see you out there in your standup. You're a very funny comedian and than thank you for being on and I sincerely hope you never return for your own sake.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Oh, thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

And Tyler, your girl's new friend. Wonderful to meet you.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Oh, thanks for having me on. I love being your pager.

[Scott Aukerman]

Has been going off incessantly by the way. It's almost as loud as the wax paper.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah, I'm sorry if that's getting picked up by the mics. Yeah, I don't want to inter interrupt the show but yeah, a lot's going on.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's happening right now.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Have you still a lot of friend drama. A lot of people are working a lot of stuff out. But I'm. I'm glad to be part of this community too.

[Terry Schiavo]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know that I would consider you to be a part of this community.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Really happy to be part of this.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think you're gonna stay in the one timers club too, honestly. And that's by my choice.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Love being.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Love being part of the community.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

And then wait to be back.

[Scott Aukerman]

Terry Schiavo. What? What are you right. What are you writing right now?

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Gr.

[Scott Aukerman]

Groceries.

[Terry Schiavo]

Sorry?

[Scott Aukerman]

Groceries. What do you need at the grocery store?

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, let's see. What did I just write?

[Rachel Wolfson]

Down.

[Terry Schiavo]

Green beans. That was as far as I got. Okay, that was. That was top of mind.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are green beans top of mind for you? Are you a green bean guy?

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, it was the number. I love. I do love green beans. It was the number one thing besides. Number one. Besides don't having sex with a coma patient. The number one thing I was just thinking of was green beans.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, number two, why were you thinking of green beans? Do you enjoy eating them?

[Terry Schiavo]

Yeah, I think I would. You know what, honestly, I was thinking about during all of our talk, I was thinking about vegetables.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were? In general, because of.

[Terry Schiavo]

Well, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I don't.

[Terry Schiavo]

Coma patients.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

The vegetative state of your.

[Scott Aukerman]

I thought because of the shape of carrots and what, you know, they're very phallic and the. Having sex with the coma patients.

[Terry Schiavo]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, we'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Hi, I'm Jenny Slate and believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast. I'm Gabe Leadman. I'm Max Silvestri and we've been friends for 20 years. And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives. It's called I need you guys. Should I give my baby fresh vegetables? Can I drink the water at the hospital? My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop. You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode. I need you guys.

[Rachel Wolfson]

Not sure if you have the experience to start your dream job. Good news, these days it's the skills that count. Udemy can help you get those in demand. Skills? Want to be an AI mastermind? Learn with us. Game developer. We've got you covered. AWS certified cloud practitioner. We can help you prep. You'll learn from real world experts, Experts who love what they do so that you can love what you do. Go to udemy.com for the skills to get you started and get set for your dream job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why have I asked my electrician I found on Angie.com to bury my pet

[Terry Schiavo]

hamster Nibbles in our yard for me?

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I was so moved by how carefully he buried my electrical wires, I

[Terry Schiavo]

knew I could trust him to bury my sweet Nibbles after his untimely end.

[Scott Aukerman]

Huh? Nibbles gone too soon.

[Terry Schiavo]

May he scurry in peace.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Hey, sorry about your pet, but I just wire stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nibbles would have loved you like a brother.

[Tyler, your girl's new friend]

Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home [e-mail].