The Shoe of The Summer Is Flip Flop (Todd Glass, Charlie McCrackin, Stephanie Burchinow)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: “The Shoe of the Summer Is Flip Flop”

Episode Summary (Feb 9, 2026)
Guests: Todd Glass, Charlie McCrackin, Stephanie Burchinow (as characters Mr. Clarence Gunlock & Charlene La Truck)
Host: Scott Aukerman

---

Episode Overview

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is a classic blend of interview, full-throated comic riffing, and improvisational character play. Host Scott Aukerman welcomes longtime stand-up comedian Todd Glass for a candid and hilarious conversation about comedy, working habits, and personal beefs. Later, he’s joined by two eccentric characters: Mr. Clarence Gunlock—a deadpan substitute teacher with unusual hobbies—and Charlene La Truck, an earnest but questionably gifted psychic. The episode’s main throughline is joyfully meandering banter that swings from insider comedy shop talk to absurd bit games, all culminating in explorations of summer predictions, footwear, childhood grievances, and more.

---

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Scott and Todd Glass: Comedy, Clubs, and Friendship

• Longevity in Comedy & Friendship (02:33-04:00):

  • Todd reflects on performing stand-up for decades and how he and Scott have known each other 31 years.
  • Quote: “Can you imagine anything lasting that long? I can’t imagine anything lasting 31 minutes.” — Scott (02:34)

• Comedy Room Vibes & Todd’s Perfectionism (04:13-05:27):

  • Todd is known for controlling the environment—lights, music, temperature.
  • Quote: “I just appreciate the atmosphere. And you know what I appreciate the most?...the good vibe in the room and the temperature.” — Todd (03:58)
  • Scott pokes fun at Todd’s “controlling” nature.

• Divergent Comedy Preferences (05:27-06:31):

  • Todd hates unnecessary audience lighting; prefers intimacy. Scott likes seeing the audience, feeling collective participation.
  • Riff on crowd work: Todd disdains comics who rely solely on “where are you from?” crowd interactions.

• On Hypnotists and Crowd Participation (07:10-09:02):

  • They debate whether hypnotism is real, or just audience members playing along for laughs.

• The Joy of Performing & Tour Stories (09:29-12:25):

  • Todd shares a story of performing two shows a night during a Daniel Tosh tour—with only one night off in two months!
  • He’s happiest with a microphone in hand, even joking about announcing at supermarkets.

• The Anatomy of a Great Comedy Venue (13:17-14:28):

  • Todd touts Joe’s Pub in NYC—“the epitome of what I like”—with its jazz club energy, minimal distractions, and no bar inside.
  • Quote: “Most comedy clubs are built like comedy clubs. This is built more like a jazz club. Dark, jazz, black tablecloths...” —Todd (14:10)

• Drummers, Reverb, and Party Hosting (14:48-18:24):

  • Bits about Todd hiring live drummers for parties, his obsession with reverb, and his dream of controlling the audio experience at all times.
  • Anecdotes about receiving a mic gadget that lets him control his own reverb from stage.

• Todd’s ‘Big Show’ and The “7-to-10 Rule” (19:34-21:58):

  • His recent band-infused residency shows in NYC, and the personal metric he uses for audiences: moving “7” energy audience up to a “10.”
  • Quote: “Sevens deserve something from me...all they’re doing wrong is not giving me what I want.” — Todd (21:05)
  • Jokes about the math of increasing audience enjoyment.

• Old Grievances, Boots, and Apologies—A Friendship Bit (22:13-31:05):

  • A centerpiece section: Todd brings up a minor slight at a party where Scott questioned his outfit (“What’s with this?”). It spins into affectionate ribbing, real talk about friendship, and ultimately a hug.
  • Quote: “Every once in a while, a friend will say something untoward...you hold on to it for a while...and I’m glad that we got that out of the way.” —Scott (29:36)

---

2. Character Visit: Mr. Clarence Gunlock (Substitute Teacher)

(42:44-61:15)

• Introduction & Substitute Philosophy:
  • Characterized as a career substitute (“guest teacher”). “I like to keep my time open for hobbies.” (43:50)
• Unusual Hobbies:
  • Ghost Looking:
    • Explains ghost looking is like bird-watching, but passive; he claims 4 sightings.
    • Epic story about trying to pick up famous ghost “Resurrection Mary”; ends up just giving rides to women at a graveyard. (44:55-45:49)
  • Fire Tending:
    • Collects embers/flames from historical fires and keeps them burning at home—his prized fire is from the 1871 Peshtigo blaze. (48:27-49:57)
    • Feeds the fire pages from old Playboy magazines.
  • Snowstorm Vigilante:
    • Travels to towns before snowstorms, specializes in “pushing” stuck cars out for strangers, then walks away silently (“like David Banner” from The Hulk).
    • Keeps a tally book of “snow saves”—over 400!
• 10th Grade Math Lab Bit:
  • Tries to lead hosts through triangle proofs and “SoH–CaH–Toa” (math mnemonics); everyone fails spectacularly.

---

3. Character Visit: Charlene La Truck (Psychic)

(64:39-85:09)

• Origin of Psychic Powers:

  • Claims she became psychic after a psychosis-inducing, 6-hour stint trapped in a Vegas airport massage chair (71:11-71:57).
  • Needs to continue hitting a trigger spot on her knee (now covered with bruises) to activate visions.

• Type of Predictions:

  • All predictions are light, consumer-oriented “of the summer” forecasts:
    • Song of the Summer: “Drops of Jupiter” by Train (72:37)
    • Shoe of the Summer: Flip flop (75:36)
    • Drink of the Summer for Todd: Lemonade (74:20)
    • Breakfast of the Summer: Starbucks egg bites (78:17)
    • Annoyance of the Summer: Neighbor’s mulch (76:48)
    • Movie of the Summer: A hat-wearing dog video (94:53)
  • Todd: “Are you a lemonade fan?” Charlene: “Oh, so good.” (74:32–74:47)

• Weird Riches:

  • She’s a stay-at-home dog mom to two Bichons (“both named Megan”) and is heiress to the fortune of “Pierre Le Truck,” inventor of the truck.

• Host/Crew Skepticism:

  • Scott points out her “psychic” abilities are just personal opinions or recurring annoyances.
  • Hilarious breakdown of the psychic trope, with Charlene irritated at not being believed and doubling down on her predictions.

---

4. Notable Moments, Running Gags & Quotes

• Todd’s Microphone Fetishism: “Any time you see a live microphone, it’s an opportunity for you to just get up and do bits.” — Scott (11:11)
• Scott & Todd’s Handicap/Outfit Bit: Ongoing affectionate ribbing; ultimately hugging it out over boot-based trauma
• Charlene’s Bichon Make-A-Wish: “For her Make a Wish, I had Jennifer Aniston come over and give her a makeover.” (69:14)
• Math Lab Bit: “SoHo–CaH–Toa: Sign, opposite, hypotenuse; cosine...I don’t know what...opposite.” — Mr. Gunlock (59:51)
• Psychic’s Self-Delusion: Scott: “You also like lemonade.” Charlene: “Oh, so good.” (77:26)

Timestamp Highlights

• 03:24 – Todd officially enters the 13-Timers Club.
• 07:10 – The hypnotist debate.
• 13:27 – The importance of venue atmosphere.
• 22:23 – Todd brings up the party slight.
• 32:25 – Tattoo humility bit.
• 42:44 – Mr. Gundlock enters.
• 44:55 – The Resurrection Mary hitchhiker ghost saga.
• 48:27 – Fire tending explained.
• 52:10 – “Snow vigilante” origins & role play.
• 59:51 – Triangle math meltdown.
• 66:09 – Charlene La Truck intro and psychic origin.
• 72:37 – Song of the Summer prediction.
• 74:20 – Lemonade prediction for Todd.
• 78:17 – Starbucks egg bites as “breakfast of summer.”
• 94:53 – Movie of the summer is a dog video with a hat.

---

Closing: Plugs & Outros

• Todd’s Plugs: Joe’s Pub, Creek & Cave (Austin), Blue for Die Alaska Festival, Comedy Bar (Toronto). Active on TikTok/Instagram.
• Mr. Gunlock: “15 minutes of I Ready” math lab assignments.
• Charlene: Improv group SHAG, TikTok series “Platonic Two Stars.”

---

Tone & Style

The episode sustains the laid-back, anarchic, and affectionate Comedy Bang Bang house style—celebratory of weirdness, full of “yes, and,” and jammed with comic call-backs. Scott’s playful “grievance” work with Todd becomes a mini-arc, while the guest characters are absurd straight men with their own quirks, all delightfully taken at face value. Running clubby in-jokes abound, but never at the expense of warm, heavily signposted comedic beats.

---

Quick Reference Table

| Segment | Notable Moment | Timestamp | |------------------------------------|--------------------------------------------------------|--------------| | Todd Glass intro & catch-up | 13-Timer’s Club, comedy tech talk, “7-to-10” philosophy| 03:24–21:30 | | Friendship & boots saga | Grievance/hug it out | 22:23–31:05 | | Mr. Gunlock (Substitute teacher) | Ghost looking, fire tending, snow vigilante | 42:44–61:15 | | Math lab failure | Triangle proof/SohCahToa confusion | 59:41–61:04 | | Charlene La Truck (Psychic) | Summer predictions: song, drink, shoes, eggs, mulch | 66:09–85:09 | | Plugs & wrap-up | Show dates, improv plugs, lemonade jokes | 87:08–92:58 |

---

Standout Quotes

• “Sevens deserve something from me...All they’re doing wrong is not giving me what I want.” — Todd Glass (21:05)
• “Any time you see a live microphone, it’s an opportunity for you to just get up and do bits.” — Scott Aukerman (11:13)
• “The song of the summer is going to be ‘Drops of Jupiter.’” — Charlene La Truck (72:59)
• “My dad wore flip-flops all the time. I don’t know.” — Todd Glass (75:57)
• “We’ve really hashed everything out.” — Todd Glass, after a long hug-out (42:09)

---

Bottom Line:
If you like your comedy podcasts dense with affectionate comic roasting, left-field characters, playful meta-commentary, and recurring inside jokes, this is a prime Comedy Bang Bang episode.
— Come in a 7, leave a 10!

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

From visionary Kenya Barris, creator of Black Ish, comes Big Age, the hilarious and heartwarming Audible original comedy about love, aging and finding your way in life's next chapter. Big Age stars comedy legends Jennifer Lewis, Cedric the Entertainer and Niecy Nash Betts. It follows recently retired couple Dot and Butch Watts, reluctant relocation to their new Floridian home, Sunset Gardens, a senior community that is anything but relaxing. Listen to Kenya Barris new laugh out loud Audible original comedy Big Age. Age does funny things. Go to audible.com bigageseries to start listening today.

[Will Arnett]

Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Is the highest rated movie of the year on letterboxd.

[Charlene La Truck]

I told you it was.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

The Hollywood critics are raving.

[Will Arnett]

It's a roof shaking blast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

That will leave you in disbelief that.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

They didn't get arrested.

[Todd Glass]

This could have insane ramifications. Oh, my God.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Nirvana, the band, the show, the mov. Being hailed as a miracle and absolutely what all our tax dollars should be for.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe we still got time for another plan.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Only in theaters February 13th.

[Scott Aukerman]

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. And that completes my sushi order. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Pure Guava for that old catchphrase superstar. I believe I'm bestowing and anointing pure Guava. That is the catchphrase superstar moniker. Now, I don't believe I have in the past, but pure Guava. Thank you so much for that submission and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. We have a great one today. My name is Scott Zuckerman. We have coming up, a stand up comedian of note. We have a substitute teacher and we have a psychic. Wow, what a panel of people here today on the show. Today, a wide swath. Let us start though with the stand up comedian. He's an old friend of the show, an old friend of mine, one of the people I've known the longest in comedy. I would say we are in our 31st, first year, I believe, of friendship.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, dear Lord.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you imagine anything lasting that long? I can't imagine anything lasting 31 minutes.

[Todd Glass]

It's crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or 31 seconds in my case.

[Todd Glass]

When your new friends you've known like, wait, I know you that long? Yeah, it's crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know it's crazy. Anyway, he is here. He's a returning champion. Oh, gosh. I should look up what, how many times he's been on the show here. Todd, you talk for a while.

[Todd Glass]

Let me guess. I want to say 10. You're.

[Scott Aukerman]

You think you're entering the 10 Timers Club or the 11 Timers the 11th Timers. You think? Okay, here, keep talking.

[Todd Glass]

Well, I want to say that thank everybody for tuning in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Todd Glass or this person. I shouldn't say your name yet because that's your cue to talk. This person is entering the 13 Timers Club here on Comedy Bang Bang, and we love him for it.

[Todd Glass]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, we've been doing this show 17 years, so that's less than once a year. I'd like to see you more.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, that doesn't seem that much.

[Scott Aukerman]

You did do a couple of our YouTube episodes, though, so that's adjacent. So I think it bumps up your stats a little bit.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

But he is entering the 13 Timers Club here today. Please welcome. I almost said his name earlier. Todd Glass is here. Hello, Todd.

[Todd Glass]

Hello, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

So wonderful to have. You seem a little sedate today. What's going on?

[Todd Glass]

Well, you know, I'm trying to be. That's so funny.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want to read the room and be the level that everyone else is.

[Todd Glass]

At, Be a little calmer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Todd Glass]

I don't want to be, you know, calm to where I'm not who I am, but, like, I just appreciate the atmosphere. And you know what I appreciate the most? Maybe I say this because maybe it'll influence other podcasts. The good vibe in the room and the temperature.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. We're all about vibes here. And the temperature.

[Todd Glass]

More than that.

[Scott Aukerman]

We've talked about it on the show before. Todd is very controlling as to what goes on in any room he's in.

[Todd Glass]

How did I compliment him? And then it ends up. I didn't see. You went to the ac.

[Scott Aukerman]

I used to run a comedy night here in town for over 10 years. And Todd was the only person to come in and try to adjust every single facet of what was going on in the room every single time he performed. Asking for lights to be taken down, asking for drapes to be pulled, various places. You like it the way you like it.

[Todd Glass]

And you know what I hate? I don't hate to say it. I think that I'm right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I hate to say it.

[Todd Glass]

I think I'm. I think I'm right most of the time. You know, it's not like I made up these things. I just got out of my own way, like over the years when I've been touring, doing stand up, you see. Oh, I like that. That club does that. Oh, I like. And I just changed. I used to play loud music in the beginning of the show, like, dun dun. It's time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then I was the national antiplast stand up.

[Todd Glass]

I play that at the end. Oh, that's a good idea to play that at the end of your show. Actually, you don't stand.

[Scott Aukerman]

You get a standing ovation.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about this? What happened if I do this?

[Todd Glass]

Thank you very much. You take the glory, but. Yeah, I just learned little things. But I've talked about this a lot.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have talked about it.

[Todd Glass]

So I try to, like, for people that might go, I love Todd butt. Enough with that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You used to hate how. How I would love the lights to be on a little more bright than you liked them in the room, because I enjoyed seeing the audience, having the audience at least a little bit lit up because it felt like it was everyone was part of the show. And you hated that because you liked all the only lights to be focused on you.

[Todd Glass]

Everything is negative with him. I've never met anyone that loves me. I do believe he loves me.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've never met anyone that loves you?

[Todd Glass]

No, I never met anybody that loves me. That flips it all to negative. Like, I compliment you. I was just gonna say, but I think that it depends how bright the lights are up in the room. I actually. It's funny you say that, because when I tour with Jim Gaffigan, he. And he's one of many guys, he likes the audience pitch dark.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Right.

[Todd Glass]

With a spotlight on him. I can't have that. I do like to see the first few rows.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. You like to interact with everyone.

[Todd Glass]

No, I don't interact with any.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't interact with anyone in the shows anymore?

[Todd Glass]

I never did.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

You never did?

[Todd Glass]

Oh, no, I did. I didn't ask where you're from. I didn't ask where you're from.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. That's your.

[Todd Glass]

That.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was your one rule. Why. Why do we care where anyone is from?

[Todd Glass]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you do somewhere? Who cares? What do you do?

[Todd Glass]

If you only do crowd work and you're at a party and someone asks what you do, do you still say stand up or do you go, I ask people where they're from. Well, you know, you could just go to a bar and do that. Go to a restaurant, walk around. Hey, where are you from? Where are you from? But you know what, though? I still make it a positive. Although there's a lot of crowd work out there right now, there's also a lot of brilliant comedy out there right now. And we had. In the 80s, we might have had as much crowd work, but guess what we had. We had magicians, song parody. Guys with puppets. Guys with puppets. So yeah, you always had stuff like that that you didn't think was the best for comedy, but it never. It never gets in the way of great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would you become a hypnotist if you could learn how to? I think that's the only thing standing in your way right now.

[Todd Glass]

You know, it's funny. I don't even still to this day, and I've been in the room while they're doing it, you know, and I still don't know if it's. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think it's all bullshit. Although I hear it works from various people and smokers as well. But I've been attempted to have been hypnotized a few times, and it just doesn't work on me.

[Todd Glass]

Maybe, you know, the closest thing I got to the truth was a doorman at the DC Improv once after the hypnotist was there, I forget his. He goes, I think I figured it out. Once they get laughs, how good do laughs feel? And sometimes these people from the audience, they get big laughs. That relaxes them, because, you know, of course it would. You've never gotten laughs like that. Now you're getting roars from the audience.

[Scott Aukerman]

You think it relaxes people instead of.

[Todd Glass]

And then they do whatever they're told to do. So they get into this. I thought, you know what, you might be onto something there.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I. The one time I did it, there was a hypnotist who would come to Knott's Berry Farm during the not scary farm period of time during October, and he would. He would always put on a show. And I went up there, like, trying. And it was always this kind of show where it was like, okay, making people act like chickens. And they would run around the stage going, getting huge laughs. And I went up there with. And he would take 30 people and only use three or whatever. And then he'd go around, like, telling everyone to get off stage, you know, And I was up there and I attempted to be hypnotized. But you're also there, like, not wanting to not play along. So you're doing everything he's telling you to do, lifting your arms up like they're lightweight and moving around. Even though I'm the whole time going, I'm not hypnotized. So I think that extends to the people who stay on stage and act like chickens. It's just like, I don't want to be the guy going, like, I'm not going to do that.

[Todd Glass]

Right. And you just. You want to play along. Yeah, but, you know, I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Would it surprise. You know, I've hypnotized you already during this show. I don't even need to tell you to do it. Todd, you're one of our dear, dear treasures of the comedy world.

[Todd Glass]

What? Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You.

[Todd Glass]

Here we go. It's something coming up.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, you. You do have something coming up. And that's three incredible shows.

[Todd Glass]

Six.

[Scott Aukerman]

Six shows. Oh, you're doing two a night?

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. How do you like doing that, too?

[Todd Glass]

I love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You love it?

[Todd Glass]

I love it. I could do three a night if, you know, why. Not with the right crowd, with the right club. You were. But I love it. You know, I did this tour with Daniel Tosh, and we did two months straight a show every night for two months straight, just one night off, and everyone's like, it's gonna get to you after a while.

[Scott Aukerman]

One night off the entire two months or one night off a week?

[Todd Glass]

Entire two months. Whoa. And you know what?

[Scott Aukerman]

What'd you do that night?

[Todd Glass]

We went to a movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

What'd you see? Do you remember?

[Todd Glass]

You know what? I forget the movie, but it's not even that important. But it was a bad movie. But we loved it because it was bad. It was like something with a. I forget.

[Scott Aukerman]

Something with a what?

[Todd Glass]

I forget. I wouldn't be able to remember.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why did you say something with her, though?

[Todd Glass]

Because you're right.

[Scott Aukerman]

It seemed like you were thinking of something.

[Todd Glass]

I was. I was thinking it was like. Oh, it was one of those.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I see that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You see the picture with the Vin.

[Todd Glass]

D. Was it a movie with race?

[Scott Aukerman]

With Furious movie.

[Todd Glass]

Was it. Are they. Are they crappy at this point?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I think they're okay.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, what year wasn't that? This was like.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're probably crappy.

[Todd Glass]

Probably like maybe seven, eight years ago, right before the pandemic.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is Fast and Furious eight, my dear fellow.

[Todd Glass]

No, it wasn't that. Oh, I'll find out what it was. If I say it now. Will you put it in later? If I just go, oh, I remember it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I will. F.9 so.

[Todd Glass]

But I loved it. No, granted, the worst part about traveling was the. Is the flying. So it was a tour bus. So the. It's.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're on a tour bus. Really?

[Todd Glass]

It's effortless. So, you know, it's. All. The bad part about doing standup is gone. Right at the end of the two months, I was like, I got great. I could have done another month. I.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're. You're. Of course, we've talked about how you love the sound of your amplified voice.

[Todd Glass]

Oh sh.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a person who anytime you see a live microphone anywhere, it's an opportunity for you to, to just get up and do bits. Haven't you done like bits on like tour buses?

[Todd Glass]

Well, I'm laughing at that because there's so true. There's a little truth to it. One time Patton Oswald saw I was at the Mayfair supermarket and the manager there knew me and I made the you have to leave everybody announcement at the end. Hey everybody, we're closing in this amount of time.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they let you do.

[Todd Glass]

They let me do it. And I knew. Don't curse, don't you know, because it was sure. And he goes, Todd would just be happy if he got to make the announcements. It's not stand up.

[Scott Aukerman]

He loves Mayfair, by the way. I love you call it Mayfair instead of Gelson's. Now true. L. A native.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You'd be happy if Mayfair hired you to do that every night at 10.

[Todd Glass]

10Pm and when I was like 6, 17, there was a car wash. I'd go Philadelphia. And you would pull through yourself. You know, ones where you stay in the car and they'd have a microphone. All right, come pull up, pull it up. And I would go in there and hang out and they would let me pull the car. So maybe there's truth to that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Our daughter has various microphones stashed around the house that she's always getting out and turning on and doing things.

[Todd Glass]

The one with the reverb in it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah. And one with like a little tape recorder thing that play that, that she can play back certain things. I'm just like, I'm raising a little top glass right now.

[Todd Glass]

I love it. We should hang out. Yeah, I'll wait a year or two. She might, she might be a year or. Okay, well that's. How about 15, you know, actually five. The people that rent for me have a five year old daughter, six year old daughter. And I'll tell you what, they genuinely get bits. They don't call them bits, they just playing. But like I found hanging with her is not chore, it's pure pleasure.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do have the most childlike, in a, in a positive way attributes of any standup comic. I know where it's just play up there for you. You love doing it. It's like I say, you love the sound of your own voice. You love doing bits.

[Todd Glass]

You know what it is? It's also hanging out with comedians. It's my favorite thing on the planet to do. Hanging out with comedians, it's just pure joy, you know, and that's. That's one of the big. That was the part on the tour bus that I love the most, was hanging out in the bus and just doing bits and having fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you are taking that energy, doing two shows a night over three consecutive days in March. Coming up, March 5th, 6th and 7th.

[Todd Glass]

In New York City in Manhattan, at a place. If you don't know of it, the name just sounds like it's not an iconic, cool place, but it is. It's called Joe's Pub, and it's in a complex with, like, three other theaters. And it's where, like, Hamilton got started. And they do Shakespeare in the park there. They also have eclectic comedians.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not that many. They do Shakespeare in the park in the middle of a complex.

[Todd Glass]

Someone told me that. So I'm just repeating it. Try to get weird. But hey, when you say Joe's Pub, you gotta follow it up. But it's an iconic place. And, you know, I've talked about venues. What I like. It is the epitome of what I like.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is it that you like? Let's list the things down that you like.

[Todd Glass]

What do you talk about this so much?

[Scott Aukerman]

That's okay. We. Look, we have so many new listeners.

[Todd Glass]

It's the atmosphere. It's like. Most comedy clubs are built like comedy clubs. What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Earth's atmosphere?

[Todd Glass]

No, the atmosphere of the comedy club. It's. Most comedy clubs are built like comedy clubs. This is built more like a jazz club. Dark jazz, you know, black tablecloths. Just. It's just something about it. It's just very.

[Scott Aukerman]

The acoustic feel, like you're somewhere.

[Todd Glass]

You feel like you're somewhere like, oh, this is cool, the way the show starts and the lights come down.

[Scott Aukerman]

The bar is not too close to the street.

[Todd Glass]

There's no bar in the room.

[Scott Aukerman]

No bar in the room. Where do they keep the bar?

[Todd Glass]

Well, where do they keep it? In any club that doesn't have it in the room. What clubs? Most good comedy clubs don't have a bar in the room. I'll give them credit for that. There's exceptions.

[Scott Aukerman]

There are exceptions. Now, are you still having parties where you hire the live drummer?

[Todd Glass]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Christ. I haven't in a while. I haven't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because the last time we spoke, and this might have been on one of Adam Scott and Mike, your two shows.

[Todd Glass]

I was going to have you over.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you were over. And you and I have not received any kind of invite from you. This is the. The most contact that we've had because.

[Todd Glass]

I. I think I'm going to be in dreadfully honest. I thought, he's just going to make fun of everything. You won't partake in it. You'll comment on it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love it.

[Todd Glass]

No, that's what you say now, but you wouldn't let yourself go and be silly. You would comment on the silliness. You would go, oh, drama. And then we do something else. You wouldn't ever jump in. You would just.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the most contact we've had since. Since those episodes you've texted me.

[Todd Glass]

I saw you at Sarah Silverman's party.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Todd Glass]

And you made fun of my outfit.

[Scott Aukerman]

What were you wearing? Why would.

[Todd Glass]

I don't know. But you looked at me. It's. It stuck with me. You looked at me and he went like this. He goes, what's it with this? And I drove home. I go, why didn't I answer him? What's with what? Having a little style.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What was. What were you wearing? Do you remember?

[Todd Glass]

I was wearing, like, pants. Like these, but brown, sort of.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. What's with.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, sh. Boots. But I was like, boots that. You look good. Not like. Like leather, not boots, but like, you know, whatever they're called. Like. Like. I don't know. Who cared?

[Scott Aukerman]

Suede.

[Todd Glass]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. What kind of boots are you wearing?

[Todd Glass]

Oh, blue suede shoes. No, no. After. Right after I say it, I say no. That's.

[Scott Aukerman]

So Ivan received unfunny people. Ivan seemed. Received an invite from you because you're afraid that I would go to these parties and make fun of them.

[Todd Glass]

I think I. I think I thought that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, of course I'm not gonna do it. I'm just gonna go and enjoy myself. This is. This is our contact since those episodes. Oh, gee, Scott, you always help me out when you can. So if now is not a good time, of course I understand. I'm doing some. It's all about shows you're doing, and you want to promote them and you want to come on this show. And yet I don't get party invites.

[Todd Glass]

Well, that does sound good on paper, but I think some people go, I know why you were afraid. I bet if, you know, if Coolop came in the room, she would go, I know what he means. And she adores you. She loves you. She might go. I know what Todd meant. You might. But anyway, the life is not over yet.

[Scott Aukerman]

And by the way, the drummer is not over yet. We can agree on that.

[Todd Glass]

The drummer started. I have drums at my studio because I Would like. I like when guests would come in, I would have like different musicians. Like I would have a trumpet and a drummer or a keyboard and drums.

[Scott Aukerman]

You would keep these instruments around? These guests come over or.

[Todd Glass]

No, no. When I did the podcast, when the guests would come, I'd play them in and sometimes I had the there and. And I realized that drummers don't want to bring their own drums and it's cheaper if you have your own drums and they're in a better mood. So I just started having a set. I bought a set of drums.

[Scott Aukerman]

How much did you pay for the set of drums?

[Todd Glass]

Oh, back then I don't even remember. Probably four or five hundred dollars.

[Scott Aukerman]

But it's been worth it because. How long have you had them?

[Todd Glass]

I've had them for like 13 years.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it's amortized over 13 years to be somewhere around $35 a year or something like that.

[Todd Glass]

Worth it? Absolutely, yeah. And the, and the, and the, the way it started to realize I could have him for a party was when we were just playing music one night we had a friend over that played drums and he jumped on and played along with the music. I'm like, oh my God. It makes it sound like the band's here. So when I didn't have. I didn't want to spend a ton of money all the time. I would just have a drummer and then we'd do pre recorded music and the drummer would play along, had the monitor right behind his head so he could get in and it always sounded amazing. So then when I had parties, I would just play music and hire a drummer and then it amazing.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then you'd also famously turn the Reva reverb.

[Todd Glass]

I like a lot of reverb. I do it like a lot because.

[Scott Aukerman]

As you explained it on our previous show, you would listen to songs like Billy Joel's the Down Easter Alexa and say, oh, he's using a lot of reverb on that. And you would turn it up because obviously he liked reverb. So why shouldn't I do more reverb?

[Todd Glass]

Very often do. I love reverb. I'm always, you know, I don't forgot how long. I always liked it. But there's a lot of videos with me. Someone made a montage of me going, can I get a little more reverb? Can I get more reverb? I like it so much that there's a. In Chicago, a guy came up to me after the show and he handed me this microphone. And not the microphone part, but you Know where you plug into the microphone, that little three prong thing. There was a little button on it and you could run that into the back of the reverb thing where the foot pedal would normally go. And I could turn the reverb on and off from my microphone. Boy, was that fun. Till I wore it out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you could buy a new one.

[Todd Glass]

I know. I have it. In all the years. I don't know why you gotta. You think I should?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. How much could it be?

[Todd Glass]

You know what would happen?

[Scott Aukerman]

A lot.

[Todd Glass]

And that's probably what keeps me. Sometimes my. My. This part would hit the reverb, so it was always coming on when I didn't want it to.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's even better.

[Todd Glass]

That's even better.

[Scott Aukerman]

But we should set up a GoFundMe for this, for this piece of equipment for you. Really? Yeah. I'd love to do that.

[Todd Glass]

All right, cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm not gonna pay for it myself. And I'll set up a setup on me.

[Todd Glass]

Sure. You know, it's. Set up a GoFundMe just for the money I need to enjoy life.

[Scott Aukerman]

See how big happened, by the way, what happened last time you were on the show, what happened to your. Was it the. The big show? The residency show?

[Todd Glass]

Long story. As short as I can make it. We did do the shows. It. We did 15 shows as part of the New York Comedy Festival in a very little room. But it was really cool. I had the six, seven piece band in there and we did 15 shows. And. And they all sold out. It did well, but it was a small room. But New York, that's even an accomplishment. And. But the goal was always to then go back to a more legitimate place.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Todd Glass]

And then get. So we did that. Now we're going back to Joe's. So, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

So is it. Are these shows at Joe's?

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

The same shows as the ones you were talking about?

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

A couple years ago.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And there is no better time at the theater than this.

[Todd Glass]

Let me tell you something. What?

[Scott Aukerman]

I said there's no better time at the theater than this.

[Todd Glass]

What do you mean by that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Meaning when people go there, you will never see anything better or have more fun.

[Todd Glass]

You know, for what it's worth, by the way, people can go online and see Todd Glass, the event of a lifetime. There's a two minute highlight reel shows it. Oh, I get it. The guts of the show are stand up. But there's a lot of production around it. But I'm. If I could put modesty aside for a second, you know, I still really enjoy stand up. And I'm the. I'm at my best. Yeah, I work harder now doing it than I've ever worked my entire life. And it shows. And it feels like it shows on stage. You know, I feel it. I feel the difference. And I would always say, like, if 10 was the best audience, I came up with this thing in my head one day. If 10's the best audience, member them all. I'm always going to do good. But seven, let's say they're seven out of 10. Well, what's seven mean if they're not talking or they wouldn't be sevens? They're just not giving me what I want. They're watching the show. They. And I thought they deserve something for that. They're not.

[Scott Aukerman]

What, What's.

[Todd Glass]

What are they doing wrong if they're sevens? If they're threes, I don't give a fuck about them. But if they're sevens, what don't they deserve something from me? All they're doing wrong is not giving me what I want. And I got tired of losing them and I would. I would lose sevens because I would be all over the place. And I tightened the show up. I work hard on it, and it feels good to be on stage and go, these are sevens.

[Scott Aukerman]

So now are the sevens.

[Todd Glass]

I can get them. I can get to 10.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can get them to 10. 15, are the fours going up to sevens?

[Todd Glass]

To be honest, I never really work place with fours anymore. You know, you're.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, good sevens. Sevens are the bare minimum.

[Todd Glass]

Sevens are sort of. Yeah, I don't work.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're getting the sevens up to tens. Tens stay at tens.

[Todd Glass]

No, they go down the fours.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the problem.

[Todd Glass]

I don't know what to do. No, of course they do.

[Scott Aukerman]

So 10 stay at tens, nines go up to 10.

[Todd Glass]

I'm not do answering any of these questions.

[Scott Aukerman]

They go up to tens as well.

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so everyone. So they're. The bare minimum is sevens. They're all. Everyone is going up to.

[Todd Glass]

Everyone's going up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone's at a 10.

[Todd Glass]

10 could be 10 plus. No, the 10.

[Scott Aukerman]

10 was the highest.

[Todd Glass]

The tens are already there. I just said that tens are. What am I answering you for? This is what I do and I start to sweat. This is why I need the AC cranked in here. So. Almost saying, if you go out to.

[Scott Aukerman]

The show, I. Todd, I got to interrupt here. I feel terrible about whatever I said to you at this party. I want to. Seriously.

[Todd Glass]

What are you doing? No, I don't think.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no.

[Todd Glass]

You went like this. You went, what's it with this? And I went, I wish you could.

[Scott Aukerman]

Remember what you were wearing.

[Todd Glass]

I know what I was wearing.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I could justify.

[Todd Glass]

I was wearing these pants. When I say boots, can anybody help me here?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's the boots. Was it the boots?

[Todd Glass]

I know. It could have been everything. Could have been my tattoo. Maybe you thought, no, you've had that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tattoo for a while. I remember when you got the Todd Houston.

[Todd Glass]

Then you asked me a story about it. I remember everything. And I love you. I really do have affection for you. You've been, you know, I tell this because it's in context. The making me a part of the embar and I've been doing comedy for so long was. Let me figure out who I was as a stand up comedian. They were the, they were high, proud. They were the best times. And you really included me in that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Like a huge fan.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. And I, And I really do have a great affection for you. But that night I was like, like. And then you were asking me about my tattoo, and then you go, what made you do that? And then I answered you. And then you, like when you did. And I went, no, you can't. Don't.

[Charlene La Truck]

Do.

[Todd Glass]

I say, it's a line I use a lot. Don't do shitty crowd work on me. You know, that's where you ask a question, you know the answer, then you just. You're creating entertainment. I go, you asked me about it. I go, scott, do you really want to know? And then you said, yeah. And then I answered you and you went. And then I was like, oh, I'm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Done with it now. That's a bit, though.

[Todd Glass]

That's.

[Scott Aukerman]

That, that, that last part is a bit. You have to understand that bit. Yeah, I know. But yes, it wasn't your expense. Now let me. First of all, let me just apologize completely.

[Todd Glass]

You don't really have to.

[Scott Aukerman]

I do want to.

[Todd Glass]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I hate that you've been carrying this around for a while. I sincerely, sincerely apologize.

[Todd Glass]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, that said, I have been thinking about that particular party in not, not that night, but that social event that happens every once in a while. And I feel like there have to be blanket amnesties for people at parties where everyone is super drunk and high, that we all just kind of go, like, whatever happened that night, everyone's just like, you know, out of their minds right now. You are, Are you a teetotaler or you, you still take drugs, right?

[Todd Glass]

I smoke pot. I smoke pot. And then I'VE done mushrooms.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you were probably paranoid that night, right?

[Todd Glass]

Don't turn it on me. Oh, my God. How dare you. I'm gonna talk to the psychic when she gets here, okay? See if she can help me out.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I do. I do think that those particular parties in general, where there are so many substances there.

[Todd Glass]

Were you on any.

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I. Yes.

[Todd Glass]

What were you on?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't. I mean, I don't want to list my entire.

[Todd Glass]

No, tell me what you were on. Was it more than one?

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I.

[Todd Glass]

Were you on pot?

[Scott Aukerman]

I, I remember that night. Just lsd.

[Todd Glass]

Were you cooked out of your head?

[Scott Aukerman]

And that's not an excuse, because one shouldn't hide behind those types of substances and because sometimes they reveal who you actually are. I'm just saying that particular series of events, sometimes I feel like, you know, I. I had. I had some similar people giving me some stuff, and you.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, really?

[Scott Aukerman]

You leave it, and you kind of go, like, everyone's coked out, not coked out of their mind.

[Todd Glass]

I knew it. Now, I don't think you were. I could.

[Scott Aukerman]

You think I was just stone cold sober.

[Todd Glass]

No, no, no. You might have been on something because we were also talking. When someone's coked up you. Maybe you were, if you're good. I was. Yeah. Because you were. We were still talking about other stuff. And usually when someone's on coke, it's like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Todd Glass]

You know, no one ever says, you know, that's. Never mind.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyway. But I. Again, thank you. I apologize. And yet I feel like one shouldn't have to apologize after a night like that.

[Todd Glass]

And you don't have to. To.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I. But I do.

[Todd Glass]

But I appreciate it.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Can we. Can we. We're friends.

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

We love each other.

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have a long history together.

[Todd Glass]

I feel like you might be making this worse than it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, did you not think it was bad? I wanna. I wanna make it exactly as bad as it actually was.

[Todd Glass]

I love you, Scott. And. And I love you. You don't have to apologize.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want you.

[Todd Glass]

You might think. Why did I bring it up? I think you. You know, I used to have an expression when I was. I don't know if it was. I've used it over the years when you have a little problem with somebody. And I go, let me. Let me tell you, I have this thing. I go, if you should only bring something up because it's the biggest deal in the world. Like when I want to approach somebody, if someone said, no, only bring something up. It's a big deal.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't agree.

[Todd Glass]

No, I'm saying, hypothetically, if somebody said, don't bring something up to a friend or a loved one unless it's a big deal, I wouldn't bring this up. But the truth is, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

[Scott Aukerman]

It doesn't have to be.

[Todd Glass]

So that's what I was saying about this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. We let things. Even if it's a small deal, I don't want to ever to have any interaction with you for you to leave saying like, oh, that was an unpleasant interaction.

[Todd Glass]

Well, now. Now you can. Now, that's sweet of you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you. Okay, we're. We're good?

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, I want to see these boots. Show me a picture of these boots.

[Todd Glass]

I'll send them to you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You'll send me the boots? I think I have them. Send me a pair of these boots and see. And see what you think when I wear them.

[Todd Glass]

The whole outfit. It could have been the whole outfit. Outfit. You probably know. Hold on. Just give me one second.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll give you a second.

[Todd Glass]

It's boring to our friends.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not boring to anyone. Everyone. This is the type of Todd Glass interaction that people love when they.

[Todd Glass]

No, they don't. I don't know what people love.

[Scott Aukerman]

People love that when they. When they hear our interactions. Of course. March 5th, 6th and 7th in New York City at Joe's Pub. Tickets are on sale. I would imagine it's. And these boots are made for walking. Are you searching through your photo library? Are you doing a search for boots?

[Todd Glass]

No, no, I'm just, like, scrolling through my pictures.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just. Okay, so you have. You have pictures of you in these boots at the Red.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, but I don't have them. I don't have any.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have them.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, well, that's okay, but what's the matter?

[Scott Aukerman]

What's it. I mean, I'd love to see them. Just. So I say, like, oh, okay.

[Todd Glass]

They're pretty, pretty, pretty tame.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. What color?

[Todd Glass]

Brown. Brown leather.

[Scott Aukerman]

With these brown pants. You're wearing the same pants?

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then what. What was on top here?

[Todd Glass]

It was above the shirt, like this, in this jacket.

[Scott Aukerman]

See, I don't know why I would have said something like that other than the boots.

[Todd Glass]

He goes like, this must have been, what's up with this? And I thought, what did he think? Well, I did think about it later. I thought, what. I wonder what he meant by that. What's with this? You can't say nothing. You meant something.

[Scott Aukerman]

I obviously did mean something.

[Todd Glass]

Thank you for. Thank you for that.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm just wondering what it was, what you were wearing that made me act like that.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. What's it with this? But you were coked up and I mean, you know, I know you. You say you are, but it sounds like you slip. I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think the way you were dressed made me act the way I acted. And that's. And I would just love to know what. What way you were dressed.

[Todd Glass]

That's all. Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're welcome.

[Todd Glass]

It's the way you get out of. Todd.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's hug it out. Come here.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, I know you feel like. Well, I'll hug it out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, get over here.

[Todd Glass]

No, Tom.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Todd Glass]

Just a hug.

[Scott Aukerman]

There we go.

[Will Arnett]

I'm sorry.

[Todd Glass]

I got carried away. Lately, I've been lonely.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know What? How long ago was that party? It must have been a year and a half ago.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. Yeah. Because the last one got canceled.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I hate that you've been sitting here thinking about that.

[Todd Glass]

Well, they just said.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you haven't invited me to your parties because of it.

[Todd Glass]

No, no, no. That was. That was way before. That was way before. But remember what I just said. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Like, you know, I still have affection for you. It wasn't like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, exactly.

[Todd Glass]

I've had things that maybe happen with people that are deal breaker. I'm done with that person. This wasn't like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, but I know what you mean. I know what you mean. Like, every once in a while, a friend will say something untoward and you kind of like go, you know, they're my friend, but I didn't like that. And then you hold on to it for a while and it, you know, it becomes unpleasant. And I'm glad that we got that out of the way.

[Todd Glass]

Thank you very much.

[Scott Aukerman]

Boots.

[Todd Glass]

I just. I'm going to send you a picture of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Todd Glass]

I like that. Yeah. Now, what if they're like, hey, look, and everybody should wear what they want, but they're like over my knee, laced up with red laces and I guess, 8 inch heel. And then you go, oh, I'm like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, of course I was right.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, you just said, you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

But the. The tattoo thing is even worse. Thank you. That's because. Because your tattoos are great.

[Todd Glass]

Well, thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Explain like.

[Todd Glass]

No, no, no, no, no. Because I never talk about my tattoo. Matter of fact, if somebody asks me about it, I make it so quick. I go, you know, I didn't know what to do the night before. I just said that a guy just Improvise and just do what you want because it was going to be so dense. I didn't care. That's it. I don't want to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, please.

[Todd Glass]

Because you know what I noticed? People with tattoos sometimes at the gym will tell you you have a nice tattoo because they want you to compliment theirs. And I'm so on. I don't want to talk about it. So I just go, oh, oh, thank you. And then I just move on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why not give them the compliment about.

[Todd Glass]

Because I don't. It's. I can't even. I can't even conjure up any. Oh, yours is cool, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's perfect.

[Todd Glass]

No, you're right. But why can't I. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Why not? Are there. Do you not like tattoos?

[Todd Glass]

No, no, I. I like. I like. I like. You know?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

I like. What?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you not like interactions at the gym? I understand that.

[Todd Glass]

No, I like them, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. You're at the gymnasium and you're. You.

[Todd Glass]

You're in.

[Scott Aukerman]

You.

[Todd Glass]

I go to a high school. I go to the high school.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you're just. You're in your own world and you want to finish your sets.

[Todd Glass]

And even if it was at Sarah's party and someone came over, and then when I like your tattoo, I go, oh, thank you. And then I would just go, did you just get here? Or, you know, I try to change.

[Scott Aukerman]

The conversation because you don't want to talk about anyone.

[Todd Glass]

Somebody else could walk over like you. And then if they heard me even for half a second, going, oh, well, I put initials on it. And my favorite people. I like you. Oh, Todd talking about. Todd's talking about his tattoo. Everybody clear the area.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, Todd's talking about his tattoo. Hey, did you hear? Todd's in there. I'm not like. He's talking about his tattoo. Oh, Jesus Christ with those boots. Always funny to talk far away from the mic.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that true about the initials? No, it's not.

[Todd Glass]

No, I made it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you really?

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lift up yourself. Oh, you're so Goddamn. I want to see.

[Todd Glass]

There. See? There's no initials.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. It's great, though.

[Todd Glass]

There, I got it over on them. There are initials.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, look close.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where are they?

[Todd Glass]

There, There.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. Oh, who. Who's. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Todd Glass]

Look at all those Mr. Rogers. Even Doug Benson. I put. Getting high with Doug. I was lonely.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Todd Glass]

Let's talk about other stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's talk about other stuff, including these incredible shows.

[Todd Glass]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

At Joe's pub.

[Todd Glass]

Joe's Pub. 3-5-5 6 and 7.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can people just show up or are these in. On the verge of, of selling out? You want to buy?

[Todd Glass]

How dare you think. I work these type of places. People just show up.

[Scott Aukerman]

But people could just show up.

[Todd Glass]

Well, unless it's sold out, sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean, even if it's sold out, you'll make room, right?

[Todd Glass]

I probably would sit with these people.

[Scott Aukerman]

The. And again, you're going to enjoy these shows. I, the, the times I've had in my life where I've watched Hot Glass and just laughed myself silly and, and you always leave feeling joy. You never, you never. It's like there are a lot of comedians where you, you go and you laugh and your boy, you're just like, like, boy, they really nailed it of how shitty the world is. You're not, you're not like that. You're.

[Todd Glass]

You know, I have, I've had like periods of my career. I don't really talk about politics ever, but social issues I'll dabble into. And I decided not just for this, maybe I will in three years. Maybe I want to do it. It's not like I'm going, oh, I'm done with talking about social issues. But for this, I really did just want to make it. For a lack of a better way, just, I can still be myself. It's not like I have to jeopardize who I am. But a feel good show, just a feel good show where people leave and they feel good and it's, it's a happy. Yeah, it's a very, it's a very happy show. The band is just out of the.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many pieces in the band?

[Todd Glass]

There's seven pieces in the band.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Todd Glass]

Seven pieces band. And they play and they're good. They open the show and they don't dilly dally. They play. Let me tell you something. What, what instruments can do in two minutes. The opening thing is under two minutes. And they play like, not just noodling, it's like horns and their whip. It gets people's blood flowing. And I know it because I just went to a show and the opening band was great. They were great. But when Andy Fresco came on and that horn section came in and they're playing, we're like, wow, we woke up. It's just. So I go, you can get that from two minutes in a band, that crowd, if it, you know, it'll wake them up and get blood thrown through their body, literally. And I think it helps the show be better because I have this alert.

[Scott Aukerman]

Audience, you know, Fantastic. Well, there I. I implore everyone in the New York City, maybe New Jersey.

[Todd Glass]

New Jersey, Come on over.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

What's.

[Scott Aukerman]

How. How far? Would you say it's not worth it?

[Todd Glass]

Oh, not worth it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I don't like if they're coming from the Bronx. Yeah, right, right.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, that would be worth it. Maybe. You know, I don't know if people get a hotel. You know, whenever people come up to me after a show, and sometimes it's happened, they'll go, hey, we drove here from blah, blah, blah, number one. It makes me think, oh, that's why I want to do a good show all the time. They drove, but I always go, oh, you staying over? And Because I want to know, because.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've had that, too, and because there are a lot of people who go, no, no, I'm making the drive. Yes. Back now. And I'm like. I'm always like, be careful, please.

[Todd Glass]

The same thing. And I go. I get sort of stressed out for them, like, whenever they go, oh, yeah, we got a hotel. I'm like, oh, cool, they're making a night out of it. But when they say they're driving right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Back, I'm like, there are people who are like three. Three and a half, three hours, 45 minutes, three hours, 50 minutes away.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. And it makes you really appreciate seven hours, you know, but it makes you appreciate, you know, do. Do a good job.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got to do a good job. Even if people are sevens?

[Todd Glass]

Even if they're sevens.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Does that make sense to you? Honestly?

[Scott Aukerman]

It does make sense.

[Todd Glass]

Sevens to tens.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah. I wish that the tens. People who are already tens, I wish they would invent, like, they don't need.

[Todd Glass]

To do anything else.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, they're already there. They can't get it.

[Todd Glass]

They don't need to be any more than that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. Yeah. Well, you're gonna come in a seven and leave a ten.

[Todd Glass]

Well, I hope they all come in tens. If everything goes my way, when you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go see Todd Glass at Joe's Pub.

[Todd Glass]

If you wear a bow tie, they'll sit you in the first row.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that true?

[Todd Glass]

Well, we. We so a little bit.

[Scott Aukerman]

And why is that? Because you have a bow tie.

[Todd Glass]

It used to be on the podcast, I would say, wear a bow tie, make my show seem better, you know, and people wear bow ties. And I would tell the doorman, by the way, if they are wearing bow ties, they're probably podcast listeners. So put them, like, in the first. Put them in the first two rows.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like a little inside joke. But it also classes up your show.

[Todd Glass]

He said there were certain people that had their bow tie in their pocket and they go, I don't have it on. They're good. Yeah, you're fine.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then they wouldn't put it on.

[Todd Glass]

Well, some. They didn't want to wear a bow tie. Maybe they didn't want to wear.

[Scott Aukerman]

That negates the whole premise of the whole thing.

[Todd Glass]

Well, get him out of here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't even let him in.

[Todd Glass]

Get him out of here. No, you're not coming in. No, no, no, no, no. Get this guy out of here. You wear your bow tie. That guy was gonna be a 6, I guarantee it.

[Scott Aukerman]

We'll come in a 7 and leave a 10. March 5th, 6th and 7th at Joe's Pub. Todd, we have to take a break.

[Todd Glass]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

When we come back, we're gonna have a subs to Teacher and a Psychic. This is a great show. You're. You're here for a great week.

[Todd Glass]

I love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm very excited. We're going to come right back with more Todd Glass, more comedy. Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you're just beginning or ready to grow your business, Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, premium workshops. So much stuff. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. For some of us, you know, the cooking is a mystery. You know, you go to the market and all those ingredients and you're like, how do you put these things together? I remember during the first week of the pandemic, when things were flying off the shelves, I went to the market and I just bought a can of beans. These will come in handy. Anyway, look, you want to eat better, right? But you have zero time, you have zero energy. To make it happen. Factor doesn't ask you to meal prep or follow recipes. It just it removes the entire problem. Two minutes real food done. You're not failing at healthy eating. You're failing at having three extra hours every night to make sure that you're healthy eating. Well, Factor. It's already made by chefs, designed by dietitians and delivered to your door. Their meals are made with lean proteins, colorful vegetables, whole food ingredients, and healthy fats. You know, the kind of stuff that you'd make if you had the time. I love Factor. We've been having it delivered here for for months on our own dimensions. They're not sending it to us for free. We're paying for it. And you know it works because as a podcaster, you know who works roughly two hours a week. I don't have time to do any of this stuff. Head over to factor meals.com Bang Bang 50 off and use code Bang Bang 50 off to get 50% off. That's the 50 off of your first factor box plus free breakfast for one year offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with Factor. Every group has someone who insists on doing things the hard way, right? That friend who's still paying for a subscription that they forgot they had. Or. Or maybe that one refusing to update their phone because hey, it still works, right? And now that one who's somehow still overpaying for wireless in 2026. Well, Mint Mobile is here to help with that last one. Same coverage, same speed, just without the inflated price tag. The premium wireless you expect unlimited talk, text and data, but at a fraction of what others charge. Ready to stop paying more than you have to? New customers can make the switch today and for a limited time get unlimited premium wireless for just $15 per month. Switch [e-mail] BangBang that again. It's mintmobile.com Bang Bang upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for a 12 month plan required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees extra initial plan term only. Over 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. Capable device required. Availability, speed and coverage varies. Additional terms apply. See mintmobile.com how many Bang Bang we're back. Todd Glass is here. During the break we we had a really deep conversation and we sorted everything out and now we're the best friends again. You heard the beginnings of it on Mike, but we did. We stopped down for a few for probably 30:35 minutes. And we really. We hashed everything out.

[Todd Glass]

We did. It was sweet.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was nice. I. Because there. That was just scratching the surface of things I did to you. Things you did to me.

[Todd Glass]

People don't know that. Listen, they're like, was that. Was there truth to that? This was not a big deal.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was not a big deal. But I'm glad that we got it out of the way.

[Todd Glass]

Me too.

[Scott Aukerman]

That I was mad about it and apologized instead of sitting on it for a year and a half and not.

[Todd Glass]

Ever saying thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you, like some people.

[Todd Glass]

I appreciate it. No, you're a sweetheart. Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're welcome. We have to get to our next guest. Is that okay?

[Todd Glass]

Of course. We're here for.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's been on the show multiple times. Are you entering the. The Two Timers Club? I would say when I say multiple times, I mean. This is his second appearance. He's a substitute teacher. Please welcome back Mr. Gundlock.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Hello, everybody.

[Todd Glass]

Hi.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hi.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Thank you all for staying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Obviously, I'm. I've met you.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, before Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

You look familiar. I think I've had you before.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, you were on this podcast before, right?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I was in for Ms. Maxi that day.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. You're. Oh, oh, that's right. You. I. I thought I was having a teacher on and you were substitute teaching that day. So you came in and were on the podcast.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's right. I thought I was in here for Mr. Orozco's 10th grade math.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. No, it was a podcast appearance. Yeah.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Today is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Today is as well.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I'm back for that. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're back for that. Yeah. Glass, by the way. Hello.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, hello. Nice to meet you.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Great.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I didn't recognize you. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I mean, we're also full grown adults, so I mean. That true? Yeah. You're used to teaching 10th graders?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I do middle school and high school.

[Todd Glass]

Just substitute.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's right.

[Todd Glass]

Did you ever.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I don't say. I don't say just.

[Todd Glass]

But I'm sorry, You're right.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Did you?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Sometimes I'll say guest teacher.

[Todd Glass]

Nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's fun.

[Todd Glass]

Did you ever teach, like full time?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Nope, never did. I like to keep my time open for my hobbies.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are your hobbies again? Refresh.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I got lots of hobbies. We talked about a couple of them last time. One of them was ghost looking. And ghost looking again, that's like bird watching.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

But it's ghosts. You're just trying to spot the ghosts. You're not trying to interact with them. You're not trying to bust them? I'm not a cop. I'm not into busting ghosts.

[Scott Aukerman]

You would have to say so if you were, too.

[Todd Glass]

That's true.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many have you seen over your entire ghost looking career?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Well, let's see. When we were here last, I had seen two, and now I have seen four.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so two in the last. I mean, you were here maybe a year or so ago.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

A couple years. Maybe a couple years ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so you like. That's an average of one a year. That's good for ghosts, right?

[Todd Glass]

It's like me on this show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. You ever seen a ghost, Todd?

[Todd Glass]

I never have seen any ghosts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, what? If we're gonna go ghost looking, what do we look out for?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Well, you can either try to find them naturally by, you know, just about anywhere people have died.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I don't think there's a corner of this earth where people haven't died.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Right. So you can start anywhere.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Just start looking around.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just start looking around.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

But what I did, I went and tried to see a famous one.

[Todd Glass]

One.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, I wanted to add a famous one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so you. Who's the famous ghost?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I went and saw Resurrection Mary. You know her? She's from Chicago.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't. I. I guess I don't know what that actually is.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

She's like one of those hitchhiking ghosts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Where you pick her up on the side of the road. She's like a woman in distress in the middle of the night, and you give her a ride somewhere.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

And then at some point, she disappears from your car.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Todd Glass]

Huh.

[Scott Aukerman]

What a scary.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

In front of a graveyard, she asked you to drive her home. And then to a graveyard, she drives you. You drive to a graveyard, and you're like, oh, this is not a house, it's a graveyard. And you look over and she's gone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, so you went looking for her. So you wouldn't have been surprised at the graveyard reveal.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I gave five different actual women a ride that night.

[Scott Aukerman]

To a graveyard?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

That must have been scary for them.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, they're like, why'd you stop at this graveyard? I'm like, come on, do your thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then you had to end up taking her to Hoboken or something.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Then I had to finally listen to the address she gave me before.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And by the way, are you also an Uber driver? Is that why you're picking up all these whiskey?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, I don't know why they would get in. They're. They look like I Tell you they're in distress.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's why you always have to make sure the pin number and the name, you know, don't just go getting in random people's cars.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Other people need to do that. Yeah. No, not because I'm not doing it.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, obviously not. So you finally did meet her, though.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yes, I did pick up Resurrection Mary.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. And then the whole thing were. At that point, were you so inured to the people getting in your car that weren't her, that you were like, all right, where do you want to go? And then it turns out to be.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Her kind of a letdown.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Oh, really?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it just disappeared and that was it?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, that's it. And then I was like, well, I've been waiting for it all night.

[Todd Glass]

There's no talking.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

There's talking on the way, but she doesn't say much.

[Todd Glass]

Is it like.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, she sort of like whimpers. I said, where? Oh, how'd you find yourself out here on the road? And she's like, come on, let me hear. You know, she doesn't give real specific answers, you know? Yeah, she's been doing it for years.

[Todd Glass]

But are you thinking at this point like, I think this is a. I.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Got her, I got her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But a let down, right?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Because, I mean, you don't want to reach out and try to touch her or put your hand through or anything, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Why? Why?

[Todd Glass]

Because if they're not a ghost, then you're sexually assaulting.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's a good point. My. My thing was I'm a ghost bad boy. I'm a ghost looker.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, you're.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. You're not a ghost toucher.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I'm not trying to interfere. I just want to experience it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Got it, Got it. So that was your third or fourth?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That was my. That was my fourth.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was your fourth. And who was the third? Was that a random, Not a famous ghost or.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I count this, but it was more of a shadow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. So you saw. You saw a weird shadow and you.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Thought it might have been corner of a shed.

[Todd Glass]

Okay, that's not a big deal.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Well, it seemed like a big deal to me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean, was it your own?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I put it in my book.

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, you put it in your book? You have a book?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

A ghost looking book.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, oh, okay. Not something that's published?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, not. Of course, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So you. You were.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Someday, maybe, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was this on your own property and.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And there would. Would have been no one there, and then you saw a shadow of something.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Correct.

[Scott Aukerman]

So that. I mean, I. I can see how that would count because if. If no one is there on your property and you see someone's shadow, are you sure it wasn't your own?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, positive.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, positive. Have you done.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's my blood type.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why, did you know that? Oh, no, I think it's what you said, actually.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it wasn't your own shadow.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, sun. I was looking into the sun, so my shadow was behind me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

There was a shadow coming from the corner of my shed. Had a hat on it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Like the Babadook. Like a top hat or.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, it could have been a babadook.

[Scott Aukerman]

It might have been a Babadook.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I gotta start a new book.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, this is fascinating stuff. That's just one of your many hobbies.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, fire tending was the other one. I collect fires. Collects famous fires.

[Scott Aukerman]

Fires that have already started. You stoke them and you tend them and make sure they keep going.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

We keep them alive and going and we take them to different shows and we show them off to each other. This is the Chicago Fire. This is the. You know, someone. A real popular one is the Palisades fire from last year. Everybody's got.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, really?

[Scott Aukerman]

You guys have that one?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

It's not worth very much. A lot of people have that one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

I hope this doesn't sound ignorant, but, like, when you say you have like a piece of the fire. So you just have like. If it's a house that burned down, you have like a.

[Scott Aukerman]

So someone. Someone basically like takes the embers from that fire and you take it on tour with you. So.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Right. I'll go up to a smoldering ruins of someone's home or something like that, and I'll light a candle or something. And I got a piece of that flame from that, and I'll keep that alive at my house.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So the Chicago Fire that's been going on for now over a hundred years.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That'S a very popular.

[Scott Aukerman]

Started by Mrs. O' Leary's cow, if I'm not.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I mean, that's what they say. I mean, it's also. Everything was made of wood and everything ran on fire.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. So. So, I mean, what are some of the other famous fires? San Francisco?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Well, I have my little. Best one in my collection is the Peshtigo fire.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, what does that mean?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's less known. It happened the same night, October 4, 1871, as the Chicago Fire.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

It was 10 times the size, killed 10 times as many people, didn't get the press? No, because it was in Peshtigo, Wisconsin, and all the news went to the Chicago.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, come on.

[Todd Glass]

That would suck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. But you have that one.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I do.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's incredible. And it's just been going for. It's like the Olympic torch. It's been going for now over a hundred years.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah. As far as I am aware, it's the only part of it that's still going. Nobody else has it.

[Scott Aukerman]

No one else has. The Pestico fire.

[Todd Glass]

Wow. Where is it right now? It's at home, just burning. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like you leave it up or do you have. Do you have like a babysitter for.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

The fire that, you know, I feed it. It depends on how long I'm gone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Like my.

[Scott Aukerman]

My an hour and a half podcast.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Right. So I fed it before I left.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you feed it? Just like pages.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Well, pages, paper.

[Todd Glass]

Not out of your book, though.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Not out of my book, No. I have a box of. This is more specific than you need to know, but I have a box of old Playboy magazines that my grandpa gave my dad had from the 60s and 70s and I slowly feed that to this. To this fight.

[Scott Aukerman]

How slow and what. What page are you keeping pages in them that you want to keep. Well, for posterity or the articles?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, those are. They're used up. They don't. The pictures don't do anything anymore. But I give it a page a day and then I have to give it something more dense to keep it for nutrients as well.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do the. Why do. Why do the pictures don't do anything anymore? Is it because just knowing that they're all old or they're all dead?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's a good point. That they're all dead? All these ladies are dead? No, it's just, you know, you've seen it so many times.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I see.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

This no longer has an effect on you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Yeah. Okay. Got it. So those are just two of your many hobbies that keep you from teaching full time. Do you have any other hobbies that. That we haven't. Oh, you do?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Sure. It's winter time right now. I like to. I like to travel to where there are snowstorms imminent and I like to help people out who are. Whose cars are stuck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. So the storms haven't started yet, but their cars are stuck for various reasons.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Well, if I go there while the storms are going, I might get stuck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

So I got to get there before the snow and then I'm ready to help folks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are these cars stuck, though, if the snow hasn't come yet.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Well, I get. I get to the place and I set up shop. I'm ready to go.

[Todd Glass]

Then when it snows, he's there.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Then I snows. I'm ready to. To patrol the. The streets.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're patrolling the streets like some sort of vigilante, right?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I'm a snow vigilante. That's how that would go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

In need who need their car pushed. I'm a pusher. Oh. I see different people who do this sort of snow emergency vigilante work have different roles. Some people are shovelers, some people are drivers.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you're not actually, like, making any of the cars stuck so you can.

[Todd Glass]

Be a hero like people do it. Fires.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, some people do do that. I have met some people that do that. I'm. I consider myself to be more honorable than that. I need to find someone who's in need.

[Scott Aukerman]

Need help. How many people have you helped over your career of.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, geez. I started doing this in college. I met. I must have helped 400 people.

[Scott Aukerman]

400 people whose lives, for sure, could have been radically different.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, they could have been 15 minutes late to wherever they were going, for sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you've helped push their cars out into the street. That's the middle of a store. Amazing.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

One time, a group of us. This is during the polar Vortex in Chicago, 2014. A group of U.S. came together Avengers style, that we had a driver, we had a. And that's the guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Were people recruited one by one by a Nick Fury type or there was.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Someone who was so badly stuck that all of us who were doing the same thing converged at the same time. And we all had different sort of skills that we used to get this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow, that's. I mean, that's a great team because you don't want too many people who do the same thing. Like, you don't want too many pushers on one team, right? You want a pusher, you want a puller?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

We got. Well, I don't need a puller. That puller is going to get run over if you have a pusher and a pull. But yeah, no, you have someone who's like, I've got multiple different shovels, right? Oh, yeah, I got a scoop. I got a scraper.

[Scott Aukerman]

Could you be a pusher and a guy who has multiple shovels?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I don't have a shovel, but I do have muscles.

[Scott Aukerman]

We gotta start a gofundme for these shovels.

[Todd Glass]

You know what? You could start. I don't even need the reverb thing. But you could start. Have you seen these people that use a torch now? Like a big torch, and they.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Todd Glass]

They clear their driveway or their sidewalk. Off, off. You know, it's like, hooked up to a propane thing, and it's like, you'd be a superhero showing up to these things. Everyone else is shoveling. You're like, should just be done in a second.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That'd be great. I wouldn't mind doing that. I'm afraid if people start having those at home, though, there's gonna be less work for me to do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. This is just a hobby for you, though. So you're not. I mean, your. Your finances aren't dependent on it?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, I don't get paid. I don't. If people ask me my name, I just walk away.

[Scott Aukerman]

Even your name?

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You just walk away.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's right.

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't you seem kind of rude?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I mean, I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've never stuck around to find out.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, I would hope not. I'd hope they enjoyed the help that I gave them.

[Scott Aukerman]

So let's reenact this here. Like Todd and I. Todd, you and I are. We're a couple, and we can't get our car out.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you've just helped us.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Okay? Oh, I've just helped you pushed. Okay. We don't have to go through the helping you to get.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, no. Although we could if you want. Do you want to go back in time that far and do the actual pushing?

[Todd Glass]

Sure.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Hey, you guys need some help?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Todd Glass]

We do need some help.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Stay in the car.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll push.

[Todd Glass]

We're not gonna do it without him.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey. Okay. Do you want to stay in the car?

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, we'll stay in the car.

[Scott Aukerman]

One of us could help him push.

[Todd Glass]

Do you.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I don't need it.

[Todd Glass]

Do you want. Would you want one of us?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

If you want to, you can.

[Todd Glass]

I just got my leg out of a cast. That's the only reason.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

So not you. You shouldn't drive and you shouldn't push. So you should drive and you stay in the car.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, I guess, by the way, in that I didn't really get my leg in a cast. I just say that because I'm lazy. Crazy, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Okay. Just so you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. All right. Let's let this guy push.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. Go ahead, sir.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Keep the wheel straight, okay? Yeah, sure. Tell me how to drive. I don't know.

[Todd Glass]

All right, It's. It's straight.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's. Yeah, straight.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I'm gonna start rocking it.

[Todd Glass]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, rocking it.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I gotta build up.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's gonna start pushing. He's just like calling. I'm gonna start rocking it.

[Todd Glass]

Whatever he's doing, hit the gas, hit the gas.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Okay, slower, slower, slower. You're spinning that. All right, now we can fast forward here.

[Scott Aukerman]

We got you. Okay, great.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Imagine I pushed you right out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I'm pushing.

[Todd Glass]

I picture we're both in the car. We, we. So we just. Maybe I open the door and go, hey, thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's. Can we pay you?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

You're talking to my back. I'm walking down the street, waving over my head, back behind me.

[Todd Glass]

Wow, that was crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was great. What a weird guy.

[Todd Glass]

Just walks away. Like, is there somebody, a superhero that does that in the movies?

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, like normally they say like, oh, I'm Spider Man.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yes.

[Todd Glass]

You know, but he just walks away. He doesn't need the accolade.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, it's like Bruce Banner or David Banner on the TV show, you know, he would help people and move on to the next town.

[Todd Glass]

That's what I was gonna say, but I thought, is it the same thing? But yeah, he just. It's mysterious.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

But you don't do it because it's mysterious.

[Scott Aukerman]

You just.

[Todd Glass]

It's all about helping the people. You don't need the accolade.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. I worry you think you're being mysterious. Sort of like a David Banner on the TV show. Of course not Named Bruce because they thought was a more feminine name.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, if I was too gay back then. Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

But probably so true. But I. I worry that you think that you're being mysterious and cool and that people just think you're an.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Wow. I'd never considered that once in my life.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, if someone says to you, what's your name? It's.

[Todd Glass]

It's, you know, should we roll? Can I role play? Just have him say thank you to me and I'll be him.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Todd Glass]

Okay, I'll. Over here.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, so you're. You're him and he's you.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, okay.

[Todd Glass]

You're appreciative about. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Ah, my leg, my leg.

[Todd Glass]

I'll help you out here and I rock you out of there.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Okay.

[Todd Glass]

There you go. You got it.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Hey, what's your name?

[Scott Aukerman]

Just turned and walked away.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

And we're driving away. Cuz we're free.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What did you think of that? How did that. And he's always out the door. How do you think?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

What a mysterious stranger.

[Todd Glass]

Okay, well, you're just saying that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's your point.

[Todd Glass]

Of view. Trying to look at it objectively.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That guy may have been an angel.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think anyone thinks you're an angel.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

A snow angel.

[Scott Aukerman]

Come on, you are an angel.

[Todd Glass]

You're a good person.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a good person. Is that what you want?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, I just want to be. I don't. I don't do it for. For lust of result.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Todd Glass]

Do you like that term?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you keep records of how many people you've. You've helped? Or do you. Do you jot them down in a diary? Are you.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I do. I keep a book.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you. You hope that people will discover this book?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Well, this is just a book.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a legacy.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

It's a book of tally marks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. Oh, really? Yeah. So it's just purely like slash marks in a book.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you know what they mean, right?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Over 400 little slash marks grouped in fives.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. But it's an unbreakable code to anyone else because they would have no idea what the slash.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, on the COVID it says snow saves.

[Todd Glass]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

And do you. Every five. Do you do the diagonal one?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Sometimes I do diagonal, sometimes I go straight across.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. But that makes it easier. Instead of just doing, like, right, 20.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Slashes, then I can go 5, 10, 15, 20.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. That's a lot easier. You know what, though? Like, when you have that many 400, we should do the slash after like, 20 or 50 or 100. You know what I mean? That way. That way you can go like, oh, 1, 2, 3, 4, instead of having to go 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40. You know what I mean? Yeah.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

You could do a line that's just sets of four lines in a row, tallies all the way across, and then just do one big cross.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, exactly. That's what I'm saying.

[Todd Glass]

Or.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. Or when you go 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, then you do one line across. So that way you look at that and go, oh, that's a 50, or, oh, that's 100, or something like that.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, I'll probably start doing that.

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay, great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, now, you came on the show today. Oh, you didn't even know it was a show.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, yeah, we're supposed to be. You know, I did have a lesson plan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Do you want to do your lesson? I mean, what subject was it?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

It was a 10th grade math lab. I don't know what makes it a lab, but I could learn. You're doing triangles. It says you're supposed to do 15 minutes of I, ready, and then you can move on to the IXL. The IXLs are about triangle. You're supposed to be. There's one unit where you're proving the triangles. Remember, you can do the SAS or the SS.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been. Honestly, it's been 40 years since I've done anything like this.

[Todd Glass]

And then we're doing 20 for me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Doing 20 years ago. Oh, that's right.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

You guys can use sohtoa to do the sign and the cosine.

[Todd Glass]

What?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

So what? Sokotoa. S, O H, C O H, T O, A.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I don't remember.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Sign, opposite. Hypotenuse. Cosine. I don't know what opposite.

[Todd Glass]

You know, the only about hypotenuse is from that show, you know, kmp, when he goes that. You know, oh, hypotenuse.

[Scott Aukerman]

So they've already shortened it down to key and peel. You need to shorten it even further.

[Todd Glass]

To K and P. I don't know why, because I have a hard time. I don't know. But. But I heard that word used in a bit there. But anyway, nevertheless, less in. Kate.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

You're just shortening it. Not at all. You're just putting a different vowel sound.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, cuz.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Key.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, K. It's exactly. As long as it was peel. Honestly, they needed to short shorten that if they're going to go key and peel. It should be key and pe.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah, right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've always said it.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Lazy. End.

[Scott Aukerman]

They were on the show and I told it to them.

[Todd Glass]

Did they.

[Scott Aukerman]

They didn't take it well.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, God.

[Scott Aukerman]

In fact, Jordan was like, I'm getting out of comedy. I'm just gonna direct horror movies because of what you said.

[Will Arnett]

That's.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what. Yeah. Can you imagine?

[Todd Glass]

That's crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, well, I. Look, I don't know anything about this, Mr. Gundlach. I'm sorry. You're good. Do you flunk us for today?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, I don't do any grades. I'm just here to make sure that education continues while Mr. Orozco is out. If you got. I'm here to let you know that if you don't complete the ixls by the end of the period, they're not going to be graded.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Not going to get points. That doesn't affect me. It doesn't bother me at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Honestly. I wish Mr. Orozco was here because he sounded like a really fascinating teacher and that's why we booked him on the show. But yeah, like a hero teacher. Who knew? He, like, knows everyone he has secret handshakes with every single student.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

He found a bunch of them from a fire, he said.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, a fire that you are tending to. From what I.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's right. I have a piece of that fire.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, you didn't start this fire, did you? I didn't, Billy Joel.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

It was always burning since I got there.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, well, look, Mr. Gundlach, have to take a break. Is that okay? Can you stick around, though?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

All right, well, let's just wait for the bell.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, Just stay in our seats.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Everybody stay calm.

[Scott Aukerman]

We're going to take a commercial. There's no bell here. But look, when we come back, we're going to have a psychic. That's very exciting.

[Todd Glass]

I love that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So we're going to have a psychic. We'll have more from Mr. Gunlock, more with Todd Glass. We're going to be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

[Will Arnett]

Hey, this is Will Arnett, host of Smartless. Smartless is a podcast with myself and Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman where each of us reveals a mystery guest to the other two. We dive deep with guests that you love, like Bill Hader, Selena Gomez, Jennifer Aniston, David Beckham, Kristen Stewart, and tons more. So join us for a genuinely improvised and authentic conversation filled with laughter and newfound knowledge to feed the smartless mind. Listen to Smartless now on the SiriusXM app. Download it today.

[Apartments.com Announcer]

Ever walk past a place for rent and wish you could just take a peek inside? Maybe even explore the layout. Envision the natural light streaming through the windows. Or plan where your vinyl record collection would go. At apartments.com you can. With tools like their 3D virtual tours, you can see the exact unit you could be living in. Really envision yourself in your new home with Apartments.com, the place to find a place.

[Tinder Announcer]

Meeting new people just got way more fun. Because now you don't have to do it alone. With Tinder's new Double Date feature, you and your bestie can match together. Tap the Double Date icon to see profiles built for two. When two pairs match, the group chat kicks off. Scope the profiles, send memes, keep the chat fun, hype each other up, flirt a little, maybe plan a hang. It's always better when you're in it together. Try the new Tinder Double Date. Explore all the possibilities. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Todd glass is here. March 5th, 6th and 7th in New York City, Manhattan, at Joe's Pub. Go check that show out. We also have Mr. Gundlock, who is here for Mr. Orozco.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Mr. Orozco's 10th grade math lab.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I was really looking forward to talking to him. Yeah. Well, do you know why he's out or.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I think he's getting a medal or something.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. They give you that type of information when you're a substitute teacher. They say, why, the. The previous teacher or the regular teacher?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, not typically. And students ask me all the time, and typically I say, well, if they wanted you to know, they don't told you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but you think it's a metal.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do you have information into that effect?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

For saving those kids from the fire.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. But do you have information about it or you just guess?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I just have this sokotoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you're guessing?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I am guessing.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's an educated guess because you are a substitute teacher. Absolutely. Right. Very good. All right, let's talk to our next guest. Let's bring them in. She's a psychic. This is very exciting. I don't know that we've ever had a psychic on this show before. Todd, you ever talk to a psychic?

[Todd Glass]

No, No, I never have.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, this is our first experience here. Mr. Gunlock, you ever talk to a psychic?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Not that I'm aware of.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, let's. I guess we could. Could have all of us talked to psychics.

[Todd Glass]

You have what?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. Are you psychic?

[Todd Glass]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've. You and I have talked.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Not in a professional capacity.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right, right. Oh, okay. Got it. Let's bring them in. She's a psychic. Please welcome Charlene La Truck.

[Charlene La Truck]

Hi there.

[Todd Glass]

Hello.

[Charlene La Truck]

Hi.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great to. Great to meet you.

[Charlene La Truck]

Oh, my gosh. I'm happy to be here.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm Scott. This is Todd. This is Mr. Gunlock. Oh, God.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Thank you for sitting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do we know your first name, Mr. Gunlock?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Clarence.

[Scott Aukerman]

Clarence.

[Charlene La Truck]

And you thanked me for sitting.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Thank you. I thank you all for staying seated.

[Charlene La Truck]

Oh, my gosh, you're so welcome. I love to sit.

[Todd Glass]

Me, too.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Great. Keep it up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not only are you a snow angel, but you have the name of that other angel and It's a Wonderful Life.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, that's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. How interesting.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I'm a junior.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's that mean?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

My dad was Clarence.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. I thought you meant in high school. Is this a Dookie Howser situation?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, good. You're not. Not 16 years old, we should just mention.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, not at all.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, got it. How old of a gentleman are you?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, I am 16 and then some.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Got it. Yeah. Perhaps to the. To the second power or something.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Sure, yeah. I'm 50s.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Got it. Charlene, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being here.

[Charlene La Truck]

Oh, thank you guys for having me.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's. Well, I. I'm the one who. Who is having you.

[Charlene La Truck]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm looking across the room and I'm thinking all of you, and I feel like a fool.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, you, the. You're all my guests here. But I just don't want anyone to be confused that this is also Todd show. This is a one time thing he's on, you know, once every year and a half or so ago.

[Charlene La Truck]

But no, that helps me understand kind of the order of who I should respect at the table.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, great, thank you. And then Mr. Gundloch, this is. He's entering the second timers club.

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay. Kind of bottom of the list for me.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Oh, well, I'm a guest teacher, so I expect to be treated like a guest.

[Charlene La Truck]

Understood.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. But you are my guest. Of course. And welcome to the show. You're a psychic?

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes, I'm a new psychic. I'll tell. I will give you guys a heads up about that. This is kind of. I've been recently endowed with some psychic powers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? What. How does one get. I always assumed they were something one was born with or when. When they hit puberty, suddenly, you know, it. It comes across. But you. How are you endowed with the powers?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

And how well endowed are you?

[Todd Glass]

Well, I was going to ask. Maybe I'm right. I heard sometimes it could happen after like an accident or something or hit your head or.

[Charlene La Truck]

That is actually. You're very astute, Todd. You're actually kind of climbing the ranks of who I respect at this table.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, he was number two, so I.

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, he's.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't want him passing me.

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay, well, just keep a tab on that. You are so close, Todd, actually. And do you guys want the long story or the short story?

[Scott Aukerman]

Give me a combination of both. Meaning not too short, but not too long.

[Charlene La Truck]

I will try. Well, let's just say I was taking my girl. I have two Bichon, both named Megan.

[Scott Aukerman]

Two bichons?

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, oh, oh, okay. Bichons. Yes, bichons.

[Charlene La Truck]

Two bichons. Both are named Megan. One with a GH and unfortunately, GH Megan, she is facing kind of end of life treatment.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is the other Megan, like the movie Megan, where it's a M3G. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Yes.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes. You can tell from the way I pronounce it, it's M3GAN.

[Scott Aukerman]

3Gan.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes, got it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah.

[Charlene La Truck]

So unfortunately, GH Magin, she is dying.

[Scott Aukerman]

So I'm so sorry. Of what, if you don't mind us asking?

[Charlene La Truck]

She's just got like. She's just kind of old.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, that happens.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah. She's, you know, a 14 year old bichon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah. They're fragile creatures.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes, of course. They're beautiful girls. But anyway, we were giving her her make a wish and her make a wish was to go to Maui. So I took the girls.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess I didn't realize that dogs get make a wishes in my household.

[Charlene La Truck]

They.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Charlene La Truck]

Because I actually, I revere a bichon. I put Bichons are actually at the very tippity top of the list of people and beings I respect.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do celebrities get involved in these make a wishes? Is it part of the official Make a Wish Foundation?

[Charlene La Truck]

They can be. I, you know, I used to have a bichon named Megan spelled exactly how you would imagine.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I'm imagining so many things right now. Do you think it's just the M, E, G, a N or.

[Charlene La Truck]

No, it has two N's and then a parentheses. The stallion.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Charlene La Truck]

And when she was. Unfortunately she was passing and she wanted a make a wish. And so for her make wish, I had Jennifer Aniston come over and give her a makeover.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's. Did she get the Rachel cut?

[Charlene La Truck]

She did.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Charlene La Truck]

And it did not take.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Charlene La Truck]

She didn't have the face shape for it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I mean, a lot of people got that Rachel cut back in the 90s and they.

[Charlene La Truck]

The thing about the Rachel cut is that that part of the cut is just being a beautiful woman.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. That's the thing. Everyone goes like, oh, they, they go, look, I want to get like just a crop, you know, short hair. And then they show you these pictures of models and you go like, your face is exactly. It's not going to be like that.

[Todd Glass]

Yes. Todd, you agree my fat face doesn't look good with short hair.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah. Did you go. You asked for the Jacob Elordi or something, which.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, yes. Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Todd pretending he doesn't know who Jacob Elordi is.

[Todd Glass]

No, I know who he is. He was the. He's like just into the scene the last two years.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. He's our Frankenstein. He's our generation's Frankenstein.

[Charlene La Truck]

What do you mean, he's my Frankenstein?

[Scott Aukerman]

He was just in the movie Frankenstein playing the monster himself.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, I'm thinking of somebody else.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, who are you thinking of?

[Todd Glass]

I think he might have played. There were two people that just played the same guy. And he was one of them. Not Elvis.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah, right. That's Jacob Elordi.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did he play Elvis in? Because Austin Butler played him.

[Charlene La Truck]

Did Priscilla.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, and Priscilla.

[Todd Glass]

And then. And he's the one who kept the voice. People were teasing him a little, like.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, Austin Butler actually is the one who kept the voice. Right, right.

[Todd Glass]

And then this guy is the guy I'm talking about.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, this guy. This guy segued into being Frankenstein.

[Todd Glass]

I didn't know that. He's pretty good looking to play Frankenstein, isn't he?

[Scott Aukerman]

He was the hot Frankenstein, if you can believe that.

[Todd Glass]

I love it.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

And soon to be Withering Heights.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Cliff, he's gonna eat a fish down to the bones.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Like, he flipped the cap.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's gonna be tossing it out of garbage cans.

[Charlene La Truck]

I've never read Wuthering Heights. I genuinely thought for a moment there was a scene where he eats a fish to the bone. I said, two tickets, please.

[Scott Aukerman]

In any case.

[Charlene La Truck]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tinder Announcer]

Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tell us.

[Charlene La Truck]

I'm so sorry. So I will give you the shortened version of this long story. So I was taking my Megans to Maui for her Make a Wish final trip. And I did get. You know, we had a horrible layover in Delta. They just are. They do not care.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where does one get a layover on the way to Hawaii?

[Charlene La Truck]

Vegas.

[Scott Aukerman]

From here.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah, it was LA to Vegas. To Maui.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Vegas. Taking those long flights to Maui. Yeah.

[Charlene La Truck]

And I didn't have time to go to Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant. So instead I just hung out in the airport and I got trapped in one of those massage chairs. And I was in there for so long, six hours in a massage chair. No one would help me. Delta doesn't care. And I ended up going into kind of a brief psychosis. And I think it pushed on a trigger point so hard that I now have psychic powers.

[Scott Aukerman]

And how did these first manifest? When did you first notice them?

[Charlene La Truck]

I noticed them immediately, Scott. Thank you for asking. My respect for you is climbing.

[Scott Aukerman]

I noticed I'm at the top, though. So it's like a 10. Can't be any more than just a 10.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

What about a 10 plus?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a good point.

[Charlene La Truck]

I like that point. Your ranks are rising as well. I like that.

[Todd Glass]

See, the teacher pays attention.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah, that's good. No. So I noticed it immediately. I immediately thought to myself, so you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Got out of the chair?

[Charlene La Truck]

I got out of the chair. I'm. I'm shaking. I'm Walking down the, the, the. What's it called when you walk a hallway?

[Scott Aukerman]

Hopefully not the tarmac. Yeah.

[Charlene La Truck]

But I guess I was just kind of walking through the airport.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

The concourse.

[Todd Glass]

The concourse.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, thank you.

[Charlene La Truck]

I respect you a little more. And I, I bumped my knee on my suitcase right where the trigger point was. And all of a sudden I had a flash in my head and I started hearing the song Drops of Jupiter. And I go, that's the song of the summer.

[Scott Aukerman]

The, the song by train is that who did the job?

[Charlene La Truck]

And that was my first psychic vision. The song of the summer is Drops.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of Jupiter this summer.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yep.

[Todd Glass]

Coming up.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, that song, I, I, you know, I, I don't want to argue with you necessarily, but that, that song has been out for 30 years or so. I mean, as long as I've known Todd.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah, but that's why it's such.

[Scott Aukerman]

Todd was humming it the night that we met. I remember.

[Charlene La Truck]

That's why it's such good news. I love that song. I love it.

[Todd Glass]

Are you saying. Hold on. I'm sorry. You're saying it's going to be the song of this summer coming up?

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes, that's right. Song of 2026. The song of the summer is going to be Drops of Jupiter, so.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Really?

[Todd Glass]

And by the way, I'm not doubting your psychic. At least you shouldn't. Oh, thank. Oh, but you, you, you. We won't really know if it's a psychic prediction until the summer.

[Charlene La Truck]

No, that's right. But you can take this information I'm giving, you know, maybe play it at a point.

[Todd Glass]

Have any of your.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your premonitions come true yet so that we know that, that you're actually a real psychic or you've just, like, thought about these things?

[Todd Glass]

Would you mind if she. I'm open game if she wants to, like.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would love that. Yeah. I'd love to hear some things about Todd. Yeah.

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Let me bump my knee really quick and hit that trigger.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, you have to bump it every day.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes, I do. It's a pain in the absolute.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're wearing shorts, by the way. Your. Your knee is bruised so, so much. It's like.

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, all great psychics are horribly disfigured.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I didn't know that about them.

[Todd Glass]

I knew that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Todd Glass]

Does my rating go up?

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes, actually.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, let's see you bump that knee and we'll hear stuff about Todd.

[Charlene La Truck]

Ow.

[Scott Aukerman]

A little delayed, but okay.

[Charlene La Truck]

Todd, I'm getting a vision. Okay. Todd's drink of the summer. Is gonna be lemonade.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, God. Well, I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you a lemonade fan?

[Todd Glass]

I like lemonade. It. But anything you could tell me about myself, like, you know, so I don't want to come off disrespectful, but, like, where I can go. Oh, my God. That is true, right? That's what a psychic does.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, sometimes, like, it's about bigger stuff, like, oh, this year is going to be really big for you. In love.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, okay. You're right.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're right. You know what I mean? Just lemon. Lemonade is like. And not only that, but once Todd hears, you might actually make it come true. Because you're like, you know what? Lemonade does sound good.

[Charlene La Truck]

You can use this. I mean, I will be honest with you guys. A lot of my premonitions are just kind of of predicting stuff for the summer. Yeah, I think I'm really looking forward to summer.

[Todd Glass]

You couldn't tell me, like, maybe when my dad died?

[Charlene La Truck]

Could I tell you when your dad died?

[Scott Aukerman]

Did. Is he. Is he still alive with us?

[Todd Glass]

No, he's dead.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, well, that would be a reverse psychic.

[Todd Glass]

A historians, they'll do that. Did you just lose somebody you love? Like, I see that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's all in the public record, isn't it? Like, I could. I have a Google machine. Right.

[Todd Glass]

But they owe you, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

I could probably figure out when your dad died with.

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, I'm happy to give it a try. Yeah, I'm happy to give it a try. Let me just smack myself in the knee again.

[Todd Glass]

Oh.

[Charlene La Truck]

Two slaps.

[Todd Glass]

Ow.

[Charlene La Truck]

That freaking hurt. Okay, let's see. Oh, I'm getting a vision, and it's Todd's dad. Okay. The vision is saying that the shoe of the summer is flip flop.

[Todd Glass]

Huh.

[Charlene La Truck]

I. So, yeah, so, okay, so I'm not getting anything about the dad.

[Todd Glass]

Nothing. My dad wore flip flops all the time. I don't know.

[Charlene La Truck]

There it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know that he had his first heart attack at 30 and passed away when he was 47.

[Todd Glass]

God, you got to. How the hell did you know that?

[Scott Aukerman]

It's on your Wikipedia.

[Todd Glass]

I thought you were.

[Charlene La Truck]

That's the thing is anybody can find out that kind of information, but not everyone can predict what's going to happen this summer.

[Todd Glass]

Right. Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Anything else coming up this summer? That would be.

[Charlene La Truck]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are there any, like, honestly, terrorist attacks?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Here, let me just pop you in the knee there.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got me too. Collateral damage.

[Todd Glass]

Sorry.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Maybe psychic?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think so. All I'm thinking about is how irritated I am that you hit Me?

[Charlene La Truck]

Terror. Oh, my gosh. Terrorists of the summer. Oh, yeah, I got one. The top terrorist of the summer is. What the heck? Top terrors of the summer is. Oh, my gosh. What? What in the heck?

[Scott Aukerman]

Tell us.

[Charlene La Truck]

My neighbor's doing a mulching project and it stinks to high heaven. It's gonna stink this summer.

[Scott Aukerman]

So he hasn't started it yet? He's gonna start it. Yeah.

[Charlene La Truck]

He's gonna start it this summer and he's gonna have a bunch of mulch on the lawn and it's gonna stink.

[Todd Glass]

You don't like that smell?

[Charlene La Truck]

No.

[Todd Glass]

Can I be honest? I sometimes like it. Do you?

[Charlene La Truck]

Why?

[Todd Glass]

It just smells like. Just.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

Fresh and like.

[Charlene La Truck]

Do you like. Like the smell of gasoline?

[Todd Glass]

In small doses.

[Scott Aukerman]

How small? Well, look, Charlene, Charlene, can I. Can I say something here? That it. It seems to me.

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

As if. Number one. You like the song by Train Drops of Jupiter?

[Charlene La Truck]

I love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You also like lemonade?

[Charlene La Truck]

Oh, so good.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love. You're also irritated with your neighbor doing this? He's done it in previous summers.

[Tinder Announcer]

Yes.

[Charlene La Truck]

Every summer. He seems to be freaking mulching blonde.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like. I don't think you're psychic. I think you're just like. You have things that you think in your head that are your own opinions.

[Charlene La Truck]

Suddenly Todd is the number one person I respect in the room.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, I don't want to go that far.

[Charlene La Truck]

Possibly even a substitute teacher is number two.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

He doesn't know my name, though.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. It's Clarence. That's right.

[Charlene La Truck]

And now I know. It's clearance.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Call me Mr. Gunlock. I'm at work.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I. You know, I mean, do you have.

[Todd Glass]

People doubt you a lot? Does that happen? People? What do you. What's your reaction to that? Do you feel like you need to prove yourself?

[Charlene La Truck]

It really frustrates me. Thank you for asking that. It's really frustrating to be. People just don't believe women. And I'm like, I'm telling you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I wouldn't. I mean, we believe women. Women.

[Charlene La Truck]

The breakfast of the summer is gonna be Starbucks egg bites.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you like Starbucks egg bites?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I love them.

[Charlene La Truck]

I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled. Everyone should be thrilled. That's the breakfast of the summer. We're all gonna have a fantastic summer, minus the mulch stuff.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

You're a real Cassandra, right? Where you can talk.

[Charlene La Truck]

I don't know what that means.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Well, we do it sometimes. I sub middle school sort of Greek mythology. She was someone who had the. The gift of premonition. Like you. But she was cursed that no one would ever believe her.

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay, then I'm exactly like Cassandra.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

That's what I said.

[Tinder Announcer]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. What about with Mr. Gunlock? Do you teach during the summer? Are you a summer school teacher as well?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, what. What. What's going to happen with Mr. Gunlock this summer?

[Todd Glass]

Okay, even if it's negative, don't be afraid.

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I have. I have a hammer here, if you want me to hit you.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah, hit me in the knee with a hammer. Thanks, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, here we go. Ready?

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay, that was too hard. Why? You don't have to do all that.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No reflex.

[Charlene La Truck]

Jesus.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Yeah.

[Charlene La Truck]

Oh, my God. Okay, that was crazy. Okay, my prediction about you. And again, remind me your name.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mr. Gunlock can't even remember Clarence's name from two minutes ago.

[Charlene La Truck]

Oh, Clarence, I got it. Your outfit of the summer is going to be shorts with a shirt that's loose enough to catch a little breeze under it.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what you're wearing right now.

[Charlene La Truck]

I love it.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I mean, I will.

[Todd Glass]

Good.

[Charlene La Truck]

And it looks good. You're welcome, Clarence.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

All right. That's a good. That's a good thing to wear. Uncle, I can't wear shorts to school.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think that's a good rule.

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, you could quit your job.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Wow. I could.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever thought about that?

[Todd Glass]

Did you ever think about quitting your job?

[Charlene La Truck]

Quitting my job?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What is your actual job?

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, my job is that I'm a stay at home mom to my bichons.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Todd Glass]

You like bichons?

[Charlene La Truck]

I love them. I love them.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

And you were never psychic before you went into that massage chair?

[Charlene La Truck]

Never once. Here's the thing is, I actually, I. I feel like I never knew anything, ever. I feel like I was always so behind the ball, and so now that I have these premonitions, I'm like, I'm feeling good.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

But you could speak to your dogs?

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, yes, we have a bit of a. We have a connection.

[Scott Aukerman]

I see. So even before this massage chair accident, you were able to understand your dog's thoughts, or, I guess, language? Are they only communicating through barks or are you hearing their thoughts?

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, I got them that. That pad, you know, where they can step on buttons that tell me things.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you have a button that says Hawaii.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes, exactly. And then I have one that has.

[Scott Aukerman]

How often do they step on that one?

[Charlene La Truck]

All the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so you're constantly going to Hawaii.

[Charlene La Truck]

They're constantly. Well, they're asking to go to Hawaii, but I don't take them there. Until it's their end of life wish.

[Todd Glass]

Do you like Hawaii?

[Charlene La Truck]

I love it. I love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I think. How do you have money?

[Charlene La Truck]

How do I have money?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, I don't like to bring this up, but I am. You heard my name. I'm Charlene La Truck. My great, great grandfather invented the truck.

[Scott Aukerman]

The actual truck?

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes. He's the inventor of the truck.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did he do, take a car and go like. Like, let's put a pickup bed in the back of this.

[Charlene La Truck]

He saw a car and he said, what if it was bigger? And then they made it bigger and then they made, like, an suv and he said bigger, and he just kind of kept going until they got the truck.

[Scott Aukerman]

So they made the SUV first?

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah, they made an suv and then they made kind of like a. Like a conversion van.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Charlene La Truck]

And then they made the truck.

[Scott Aukerman]

They made the truck and then the cybertruck. And then that's the. That's the next evolution.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah, we don't talk about the cybertruck, actually.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Okay. So your name isn't Cyber Truck, It's Le Tru.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah, exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

And this is a French gentleman or.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes, yes. Pierre le Truck.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Todd Glass]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, so just. And you get a cut on every truck that's ever sold.

[Charlene La Truck]

I do. So every time you guys see a truck driving.

[Scott Aukerman]

Every time we see one, you get money?

[Todd Glass]

Well, every time.

[Charlene La Truck]

No, no, no. Don't be silly, Scott. God, you can't go lower than the.

[Todd Glass]

Don't be silly. That's my job. I.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, I apologize to Todd earlier, and I'm going to apologize. Apologize to you right now. And it's equally as important.

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay, I suddenly respect you a little more than. What is your name, sir?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Never mind.

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay, we're going. Todd. One SCOTT two and then this Clarence, number three.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Call me Clarence. If you can remember it, my dad was Big Clarence.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? Was he, like, a musician or.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, he was a local commercial actor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, you're not related to Clarence Clarence Clemens? No, no, I'm the big man.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, I'm not from the E Street Band. No, that's not me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I just want to make sure I hear Big Clarence. That's the first thing I think of.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, he. He was in a series of ads where he was going to a store called Mall Furniture that was having a big clearance sale.

[Charlene La Truck]

I love them all.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

And he would say, I'm here for the big clearance sale. And they'd say, no, it's a big clearance sale.

[Scott Aukerman]

They would still sell them the stuff, though, right?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No, this was the commercial.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know, but. But I mean, when he would. He would arrive and they. He was a giant, they would clear that. How tall was your father?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Well, in reality he was 6 4, which is still pretty tall. But in the commercials he looked taller than the building.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was that through force perspective or was that some sort of special effects?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

It was special effects. They used a blue screen back then. It was so long ago. They didn't have green screens, just blue screens.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right. Yeah. Green is the furthest from human skin. That's why we use green screens right now. But it'll work with any color.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Furthest how?

[Scott Aukerman]

The furthest away.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Meaning there's all human skins the same. Jesus, Scott.

[Todd Glass]

Jesus.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, green. No one's green as far as I know. Unless they're aliens.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Kermit.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, you got me. I guess they can't use green screens on the Muppet Show. We. We agree.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I agree.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, good. Well, look, Charlene, I don't know. I mean, this is. Do you think after this summer you're gonna find out that you're not psychic? Because none of these things came true. I mean. Todd, you'll update her with the lemonade?

[Todd Glass]

Absolutely. Please.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Charlene La Truck]

Please let me know. I mean, my hope is that I. I. Because, you know, I believe fully that I am psychic. And I just. I know that I could do better. I could. I could learn how to harness these powers better. I've been. I've been trying to apply to that school that Harry Potter went to so that I can. Not that. Not that one. The one with the big lady. I've been trying to apply to that big lady.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

The French one?

[Charlene La Truck]

Yes, the French one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because the big.

[Charlene La Truck]

The bigger the lady, the better the education, I always say.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wait. The one that all came over for the Goblet of Fire.

[Charlene La Truck]

I've been trying to apply to that school with the. With the big lady.

[Scott Aukerman]

You realize that these are just fictional books that a notorious Terf wrote, right?

[Charlene La Truck]

Well. Well, I don't know. I don't know anything about that. But I've been trying to, you know, give my.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can take my word for it. Some notorious Terf wrote these books in.

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, shoot. Well, shoot.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they're. They're not actually real. I'm sorry. But you've applied, though.

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, I've been trying to give my letter to owls and they all just keep biting me. But anyway, my hope is that I can figure out how to hone my powers better. And then I can kind of predicting stuff for the fall, in the winter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Because everything's Summer based. Right.

[Charlene La Truck]

Maybe even spring.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Well, good luck to you. I mean, I would love for you to come back and we'll see how. How many of these things came true. Because we have Todd's Lemonade. We have the. By the way, Todd's Lemonade. This is a good brand name. Have you ever thought about selling lemonade?

[Todd Glass]

No, but I think I'm starting to think about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

It might actually be your drink of the summer.

[Todd Glass]

And we give a percentage to charity. Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah. Just give a percentage to me because I came up.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

You start the character charity, so it goes to you.

[Todd Glass]

Right.

[Charlene La Truck]

Give it to Bichon. Make a wish.

[Todd Glass]

Well, do you know I had an incident? I know we're rapping here, but with a massage chair.

[Charlene La Truck]

Tell me.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Todd Glass]

What happened? I had a thing where I thought.

[Scott Aukerman]

Put on a pot of coffee, we don't need to wrap the show anymore.

[Charlene La Truck]

Go ahead and I'll take a lemonade.

[Todd Glass]

I had quickly an incident where I thought it. It asked me if I wanted to. I thought it asked me if I wanted a happy ending.

[Scott Aukerman]

The massage chair, it had a voice.

[Todd Glass]

It came up on the screen, you know, where it says, you owe 50 more. And I thought it said happy ending or. But it said something else and I don't remember. But so I. No, I don't. You can take it.

[Scott Aukerman]

But you were you excited that you could have received it?

[Todd Glass]

I thought I had a three hour layover and. Oh, you says your massage is coming. Like it'll give you a thing. Like, you know, it'll buy a good, like, ending. Your massage is ending. And I go, oh, my God, it's gonna give me a happy ending. And I remember just thinking they should put like a drape up or something because it's embarrassing. So I pulled my pants down. This is a true story, I swear to you. So I pulled my pants down. I had boxers on, but I pulled my pants down to let a little looseness down there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

And. And then all I know is that I got yelled at.

[Charlene La Truck]

Yeah, that's exactly what happened to me.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, you serious?

[Charlene La Truck]

That's exactly what happened to me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Charlene La Truck]

And then I got trapped in there and now I have psychic powers.

[Scott Aukerman]

You didn't mention that part of it earlier.

[Charlene La Truck]

Well, that part was private, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, Charlene La Truck, thank you so much for being here. Unfortunately, we are running out of time.

[Todd Glass]

Nice to meet you.

[Scott Aukerman]

We. We stick around, though. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something called plugs. Plugs in the sink Plugs in my.

[Todd Glass]

Tub Plugs in my ears Plugs in my butt. Electric plugs, medical plugs Plugs for my drugs and plugs for my butt this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is a plug world this is a.

[Todd Glass]

Plug world this is a plug world this is a plug world this is a plot. I love it. That's a new one.

[Scott Aukerman]

We play a new one. That was great. Thank you. There it is. We play a new one every week. Of course. That was Plug World by Computer Station. Thank you so much, Computer Station. If you have a plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com plugs and you'll find everything you need there to upload your plugs themes. Or if you're doing a close the plug bag theme, we have all the stems for the song so you can do your remixes. And guys, we're. What do we plug in? Todd? Obviously, you have these six shows at Joe's Pub. March 5, 6 and 7.

[Todd Glass]

Yes. And then March 20th and 21st, I'll be at the Creeking Cave in Austin March 20th and 21st. And then March 28th, I'll be in Alaska at the Blue for die Alaska Festival.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you played Alaska before?

[Todd Glass]

I've never been there myself. I've been there with other people, but yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you. Yeah, I thought you meant I've never been there myself. Other people have been there.

[Todd Glass]

Other people, just to let you know.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then.

[Todd Glass]

So. So anchorage, Alaska, but March 28th, part of that comedy festival. And then May 29th and 30th at the Comedy Bar in Toronto on Bloor Street. And then I'm coming to Montreal this fall, if anybody's worried about it, at.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Montreal Comedy Festival or. Okay, so, yeah, great. All right. And everyone should go see Todd and travel. If you're going to travel three hours or so, like, get a hotel room because Todd's going to be worried about.

[Todd Glass]

You might stress out about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. He doesn't want that.

[Todd Glass]

All right, thank you. Nice meeting you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, we're not wrapping. We're not wrapping up. Okay.

[Todd Glass]

In case I didn't get a chance.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why would you not get a chance?

[Todd Glass]

I don't know. He might be off to save some.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, everyone's plugging things.

[Todd Glass]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, here we go. This is Mr. Gunlock. Do you want to plug something?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

I don't have a lot to plug. I just want to promote 15 minutes of I ready both of those IXls by the end of this period. Get those things done or else you're gonna not get grades. So Check your schoology. And that's about it.

[Todd Glass]

It.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've been. I mean, honestly, I've been trying to finish the homework you gave us, and I. I can't even get a single question.

[Todd Glass]

Me neither.

[Scott Aukerman]

So can I copy off you?

[Todd Glass]

No. Sohoa, you know what I found out in school, it was a lot easier to copy off a C students. A students, they got their hand cupping it because they're precious. But a C student, they get you. They'll.

[Scott Aukerman]

Especially when they're grading on a curve. They want to keep themselves at the top of that. You know what I mean?

[Todd Glass]

Right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

But C students, they'll put their paper right at the edge of the deck, ask. You're like, thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now you get half the questions wrong.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

But yeah, because they don't know the value of what they have. They're like, I don't know if this is right.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're more apt to share their Charlene LA truck. Do you want to plug anything?

[Charlene La Truck]

Sure, I'll plug. Lost my accent for a moment. I'm gonna plug.

[Scott Aukerman]

That happens. I mean, especially to psychics, I would imagine. You're dipping into so many people's consciousness.

[Charlene La Truck]

That is so true. The accent of the summer is gonna be whatever I just did.

[Todd Glass]

I love it.

[Charlene La Truck]

I love it. You get it? Okay, I'll plug Shag. Improv. Shag is a improv team in la. A bunch of ladies. And we do shows and we'll post about them on the Instagram. You can also check out Platonic two Stars on Tick Tock. It's Stephanie Burch now and Anna Betzoller.

[Todd Glass]

Who?

[Charlene La Truck]

And they're trying to go viral.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, they're trying to go viral.

[Charlene La Truck]

They're trying to viral. So they're posting a lot about going viral.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, that's very cool. Cool. All right. Anything else, or are your plugs at an end?

[Charlene La Truck]

My plugs are done.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. Well, then. Yes.

[Todd Glass]

Since she took up a little less time, can I have one more plug? Yeah, go ahead and do my TikTok and Instagram. Always having a ball on there. And then May 9, I'll be the Netflix is a joke part of the festival. Doing two shows at the lounge at the Improv.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. Here in town.

[Todd Glass]

Yes, here in town.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Todd Glass]

Okay, so there you go. I know that's far away, but, you know, people listen to this all over the place, so may not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Someone might live right next door and they're like, oh, shit, I never want.

[Todd Glass]

To go over there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. I want to plug. Hey, go over to cbb. World. You can get the entire archive, every single episode of this show, every live episode we've ever done, including, I think, Todd, you've done one or two live episodes. That's boosted your numbers quite a bit. And we also have other shows there like Collegetown. The neighborhood listens. Scott hasn't seen CBB Presents where people who are guests on this show have their own show. So much stuff going on. Oh, the entire whomp it up archive, everything going on over there. You can go to cbb world.com we also have the new Reggie and Fourville action figures are available now. They look great. I have them right up here. Forville is a little bit short, but he comes with two knives. Figures are in [e-mail] we also have Italiano Jones, Audrey P Neur, Randy Snuts, Carissa Big Sue Sprague, the Whisperer, and Scott Aukerman figures. More are coming soon and they are all available for worldwide customers outside of the us@figure collections.com with free shipping. No, that's in the US with US address or in Europe with cheaper import fees at action figureseller. That's C E L L A R dot com. All right, let's close up the old plug. I want to close the bag, baby.

[Todd Glass]

Then I want to close it tight, baby. I want to close that bag. I want to make it right now, You know?

[Scott Aukerman]

All right. That was Kiss. Kiss. Clothes, Clothes. That's a good one by Daniel Preston. Short too. Only 19 seconds. That's what we like. When we say under a minute, we really mean under 30. Or more like under 20. Yeah, yeah. We want to thank everyone here.

[Todd Glass]

Todd, thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm so glad we could finally quash this beef between us. And next time we see each other, you know, you can take a shot at me. Next time we. We see each other. Yeah, yeah. Either physically. You can punch.

[Todd Glass]

No, I would never, never punch.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't want to punch me in the face?

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

No.

[Todd Glass]

I just might say something. But you. You'll remember. I don't want you to think. What was that? Is that a new haircut or something like that?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Say something like that. Yeah, yeah.

[Todd Glass]

It won't be. It won't be.

[Scott Aukerman]

It won't be. Yeah.

[Todd Glass]

It won't be. Mean. Horrible mean.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. But I'll still get my feelings hurt and then I'll go, oh, no, no, no. I told him to do that. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah. And then Mr. Gunlock, thank you so much.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Until I'm scheduled to be here again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, of course. And Let us know if you see any more ghosts. Do you have any on the horizon that you're trying to see or. No, I don't mean this literally, the horizon here, but any famous ones that.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

You'Re, you know, I wouldn't mind to see the ghost of a pope.

[Todd Glass]

Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do they. When you think about a ghost, popes die. You immediately imagine them going right up to heaven. But some of them have to be ghosts just wandering around the Vatican.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Think of all the stuff they gave up in their lives. That's a lot of unfinished business.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, exactly. Sure. Like, they're not going to ascend until, you know, they have sex once or whatever.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

A lot of them are real creeps.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's right.

[Charlene La Truck]

How many?

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the percentage of creeps of popes or.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

In the world?

[Todd Glass]

World.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll take both.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Okay. In the world, it's 47% increase. 51.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

Slightly higher.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Okay. And Charlene La Truck.

[Charlene La Truck]

Hi.

[Scott Aukerman]

One last prediction here for the summer.

[Mr. Clarence Gunlock]

What are the Powerball numbers of the summer?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, Powerball numbers of the summer.

[Charlene La Truck]

Okay, Powerball numbers of the summer. Here we go. Banged my knee.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ow.

[Charlene La Truck]

That hurt. The Powerball number of the summer. I'm. Okay, I'm not getting the Powerball numbers, but I'm getting. I'm seeing. Okay, I'm seeing the movie of the summer. And it's a. A video I took of my dogs. And she's wearing a little hat.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone's going to be watching this.

[Charlene La Truck]

Oh, my gosh. It's the video of the summer. It's a movie of the summer. Okay, that and Moana. I love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was last year, but okay. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks, Bye.

[Will Arnett]

Hey, this is Will Arnett, host of Smartless. Smartless is a podcast with myself and Hayes and Jason Bateman, where each week one of us reveals a mystery guest to the other two. We dive deep with guests that you love, like Bill Hader, Selena Gomez, Jennifer Aniston, David Beckham, Kristen Stewart, and tons more. So join us for a genuinely improvised and authentic conversation filled with laughter and newfound knowledge to feed the smartless mind. Listen to Smartless now on the SiriusXM app. Download it today.

[Apartments.com Announcer]

Ever walk past a place for rent and wish you could just take a peek inside? Maybe even explore the layout. Envision the natural light streaming through the windows or plan where your vinyl record collection would go. At apartments.com you can. With tools like their 3D virtual tours, you can see the exact unit you could be living in. Really envision yourself in your new home with apartments.com the place to find a.

[Tinder Announcer]

Place Meeting new people just got way more fun. Because now you don't have to do it alone. With Tinder's new Double Date feature, you and your bestie can match together. Tap the Double Date icon to see profiles built for two. When two pairs match, the group chat kicks off. Scope the profiles, send memes, keep the chat fun. Hype each other up, flirt a little, maybe plan a hang. It's always better when you're in it together. Try the new Tinder Double Date. Explore all the possibilities. Tinder it starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.