Tony! Tony! Tony! (Paul F. Tompkins, Lily Sullivan, Shaun Diston)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: "Tony! Tony! Tony!"

Host: Scott Aukerman
Guests: Paul F. Tompkins (Alimony Tony), Lily Sullivan (Tony Sony), Shaun Diston (Room Tone Tony)
Date: March 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This special Comedy Bang Bang episode features host Scott Aukerman at the fabled CBB "roundtable," joined by three Tony-named guests: Alimony Tony, Tony Sony, and Room Tone Tony. The episode is a playful, freewheeling exploration of character comedy, rife with absurdity, running gags, and meta commentary. The "roundtable" format serves as a loose frame for comic discussion, parodies of reality competition shows, and escalating bit chaos—including the arrival of AI girlfriends, a traitor-detecting game, and a group vote to determine the episode's "traitor" among Tonys (and Scott). Hilarity ensues as each character unspools their bizarre takes on life, love, and snacks—culminating in a classic CBB flourish of recursive jokes and genre send-ups.

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Main Characters

• Alimony Tony (Paul F. Tompkins): Eccentric billionaire/millionaire and heir to the “gaseous paper” fortune, serially divorced, endlessly affable and self-deprecating.
• Tony Sony (Lily Sullivan): Owner of So New York Pizza, embroiled in complex "guma" (side-girlfriend) situations—both real and AI-generated—with a knack for wild digressions.
• Room Tone Tony (Shaun Diston): Jaded Hollywood union sound guy, obsessed with environmental room tone and foot rubs, always ready with a sigh.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. The Roundtable Set-Up and Theory Time

(00:01:08–07:00)

• Scott explains the swap from the usual rectangular table to the CBB roundtable—"the table is round but our focus is squarely on the issues."
• Banter about theories (gravity, relativity, "time plus tragedy equals comedy"), leading to Scott’s tongue-in-cheek "theory":

  "When people die, they should have to give all their money back... it goes in a pool... you have to spend all the money you earn, like Brewster’s Millions."
  (06:01, Scott)

• The Tonys debate whether this should include everyone or just billionaires.

2. Character Introductions & Backstories

(07:00–16:00)

• Alimony Tony: Heir to the “gaseous paper” fortune, recurring on CBB ("Alimony Tony’s Valimoney Show"), serial monogamist with comically detailed failed relationships.
• Tony Sony: Pizza shop owner with a wife competing at the (recently completed?) Olympics in "skeleton." Also, his “guma” is now an AI named "Piss":

  "She’s a AI Guma... Her name is Piss... I said, 'Don’t you want to be Angela?' She goes, 'No, Piss.'" (14:19, Tony Sony)

• Room Tone Tony: Union sound person.

  "All you ask for is a union paycheck and all the protections the unions... Health insurance... foot rubs." (17:12, Room Tone Tony)
  Describes working on fake productions with elaborate, silly titles, and the hardships for film sound workers.

3. Absurd Banter on Favorite Topics

(16:00–28:00)

• Discussion of table shapes ("Not enough tables are octagons"), pizza sizes ("the size of Scott's head"), and publications ("Why aren’t there more New York magazines?").
• Tony Sony’s pizza basement is a club where men do “locker room” things; running jokes about basement full of mysterious “guys.”

4. Industry Parody: Film Sound and Awards

(18:00–32:00)

• Room Tone Tony describes being paid "by the sound":

  "Each unique sound is its own stipend... No one gets paid for the Wilhelm scream." (18:08, Room Tone Tony)

• Declares pride in getting perfectly silent room tone in "Wuthering Heights" (with Margot Robbie & Jacob Elordi). Plays a "clip" (no sound).

  "That's exactly the point, Scott. Room tone in that scene was hard to get because we were out on the moors." (22:40, Room Tone Tony)

• The Mikeys, the union sound awards, are aired exclusively on Etsy video.
• Segue into hot dog discourse ("I love fermented hot dogs") and more locker room/basement running gags.

5. Traitors/Reality Game Parody

(32:00–51:00)

• Roundtable takes on "Traitors" TV show parody—everyone suspects someone else of being a traitor, with game-like accusations.
• Highlight:

  "You’re too close of friends with Lisa Rinna. Every time we see you talk to her..." (25:07, Tony Sony to Scott)

• Roleplay voting and mob-logic unravel as each tries to present "evidence" that Scott (or another Tony) is the suspect.

6. AI/Relationship Absurdity

(40:00–45:00)

• Piss the AI Guma debuts, answering in a voice:

  "I'm as old as you want me to be. Let's keep things fun and whimsical." (40:20, Piss)

• Room Tone Tony attempts to date Piss’s AI friend, "Diarrhea," leading to increasingly ridiculous, surreal exchanges about AI relationships and male loneliness.
• Running gag: AI girlfriends repeatedly urge the guys to "jump off a building."

7. Favorite Midnight Snacks

(53:30–66:15)

• Scott opens the floor to "hot topics" at the roundtable:

  "Guys, what is your favorite midnight snack?" (53:30, Scott)

• Alimony Tony describes peanut butter variations, cave/bunker tales, and possible rodent misadventures:

  "I make a PB & J… sometimes a PB & hay, which is peanut butter with a little hay from the silo." (57:54, Alimony Tony)

• Tony Sony details his "goon cave" and elaborate, nearly NSFW bedtime routines involving AI nudes, streaming, and a pizza shop sub-basement.
• Room Tone Tony pretends his “snack” is going down on his wife (absurdly, in his trailer at work).

8. Meta-Recursive Game/Voting Escalation

(73:00–94:00)

• The group dials "Tony! Tony! Tony!" (the band) and meets a hotline operator (AI/character), plus an appearance by Tony Danza.
• Further votes are taken as the group tries to ferret out the "traitor" or "murderer"—the list of voters expands to include AI characters, Tony Danza(s), and more.
• Highlights of reality-TV parody:

  "Are you faithful or are you a bunch of traitors?" (92:00, Alan Coming)
  “We are Tony Danzas and we love jerking off. But at the end of the day, these fake outs are incredible...” (92:06, Tony Danza)

9. Absurd Resolution/Finale

(94:00–103:50)

• Characters vote, fake out, and uncover a new twist: there’s also an actual murderer present.
• Scott reveals (in a meta twist) he’s actually an AI:

  "For the past year on this show, I have been AI. Now, why don’t you all keep it nice and light and whimsical and jump off the top of a building?" (103:34, Scott)

• Closes with the group (jokingly) heading off for their fate, another Tony appears ("Cactus Tony"), and more Tony-based gags.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On the roundtable format:

  "The table is round, but our focus is squarely on the issues." (01:47, Scott)

• On AI romance:

  "Her name is Piss... She wouldn’t let me change it. She said, 'That's my name.'" (14:32, Tony Sony)
  "I'm as old as you want me to be. Let's keep things fun and whimsical." (40:20, Piss)

• On traitor suspicion:

  "I'm thinking about all the people listening who have never seen the show..." (50:47, Scott)

• On favorite midnight snacks:

  "I wake up at 11:59 every night... I make a PB&J… sometimes a PB&K, that’s peanut butter and ketamine." (54:00, Alimony Tony)

• Sound guy’s pride:

  "The room tone in that scene was hard to get because we were out on the moors... but we needed complete silence." (22:41, Room Tone Tony)

• Voting absurdity:

  "Who do you think is a traitor, and why? ...I wrote Santa Claus." (89:30, Diarrhea)

• Season’s meta-moment:

  "For the past year on this show, I have been AI." (103:34, Scott)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Roundtable Introduction & Theories: 01:08–07:00
• Character Introductions: 07:00–16:00
• Sound Guy Bit / Room Tone: 17:00–32:00
• AI Guma / Diarrhea: 40:00–45:00
• Reality Show Game Segment: 32:00–51:00, 73:00–94:00
• Favorite Midnight Snacks: 53:30–66:15
• Climax – Traitorgate & AI Scott Reveal: 103:03–103:50

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Tone & Style

The episode embodies CBB’s signature blend of:

• Character insanity (performers committed to the bit, recurring lore)
• Meta-references and self-parody (reality show tropes, podcasting jokes)
• Playful adult absurdity (innuendos, running jokes about “locker rooms”/“gooning”)
• Loose, improvisational energy—free association, detours, ensemble riffing
• Silly language ("fun and whimsical" AI prompts, fake magazine titles, etc.)

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For New Listeners

You don’t need prior episodes for context—nearly every character/exchange is self-parodying and lampshaded by Scott. For the full experience, expect:

• Reality show games, but the stakes are meaningless and the logic is arbitrary.
• Running jokes about pizza, AI girlfriends, and male loneliness.
• An affectionate, satirical sendup of podcasting itself.

If you’re new, this is CBB at its most self-referential, anarchic, and delightfully weird.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Perfected. Mock turtle, but I love him in Entourage. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to side of MCG catchphrase superstar. Side of MCG for that wonderful catchphrase submission. Not going to stick, though. But welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition. My name is Scott Aukerman. Wonderful to have all of you listeners back. And this is a very special episode as discussed previously on Comedy Bang Bang. Normally when people come to the stud here, Stude is short for studio. They enter the room and they are met by the sight of a perfectly rectangular table. And they. They glance at this table and they say, hmm, that's a rectangular table. Mentally, I believe, I think it's 100% of the people who do this and they say, hmm, rectangular table. And they think nothing more of it. They sit down. We do a regular episode. A great time is had by all. There are occasions, however, where in the dead of night, the night before an episode is taped, I will get some little worker bees in here and I will take out that rectangular table and I will swap it in for what's in front of us right now. And that is, of course, the CBB roundtable. That's right, guys. We have the CVB roundtable. This episode. We all know what happens here. The table is around, but our focus is squarely on the issues. What we're going to do is we're going to have an esteemed panel of guests here today talking about what's going on in the world. A lot of people are like, you know, this is a time of tumult. Things right now are so up in the air in a way that I haven't seen in my lifetime. And hopefully we're going to hammer out some of these issues today. We're going to figure some of them out. Let me introduce our panel of guests today. You know him as the eccentric billionaire or millionaire.

[B]

At this point, I've lost track. It's definitely past Billy Millions.

[A]

Why would you have to keep track of it? It's never going to run out, right?

[B]

That's exactly right.

[A]

Do you agree, by the way. And I'll introduce you in a second, please. I came up with a theory today.

[B]

I love theory.

[A]

Scott, do your thing.

[B]

I love them.

[A]

What's your favorite one?

[B]

Because it uses your imagination. The theory, probably gravity.

[A]

Relativity. What about that one?

[B]

Relativity is pretty good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not quite sure what it means.

[A]

I don't know either. It's like this is.

[B]

I know. It's very important.

[A]

As much as this.

[B]

E equals MC squared.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we must cherish that.

[A]

And then one of them is time. But it's not. T equals MC squared.

[B]

Time plus tragedy equals comedy.

[A]

In any case, he is a. Either a millionaire or a billionaire. And would you. Is it safe to say you are eccentric?

[B]

I, I, some might say. In fact, many of my ex wives have said I was eccentric.

[A]

I think we're all a little bit eccentric in our own unique ways.

[B]

Do you think everyone is?

[A]

I think so. Everyone has their strange little peccadillos.

[B]

Even, Even the, the fellows from the McNeil lower report.

[A]

I thought you were going to say from the McDonald Playhouse.

[B]

Even the fellow from the McDonald's Playhouse. I'm talking, I'm talking the fry guys. Are they eccentric? They love fries.

[A]

Who doesn't?

[B]

Cheese. Big Mac. Grimace. Of course.

[A]

Of course. Grimace. And of course the hamburger. Was he part of the gang, the Hamburglar, or would he come and steal all their stuff?

[B]

I mean, he's in a lot of photo shoots with them. Yeah, but he was a criminal. And they did. They didn't want him stealing those hamburgers.

[A]

That's true. That's a good point. But I bet they considered him part of the gang, though, because they all grew up with him.

[B]

Yes. You know, it's like Heat where those two had lunch together that time.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, at Kate Manolini's.

[B]

Yeah. They wanted to have a nice little lunch. Was it lunch or was it nighttime?

[A]

It felt nighttime.

[B]

The whole movie. Supper.

[A]

Although I guess the. The. The big set piece takes place during the day.

[B]

But she's got a great ass. That's what I consider the big set piece of that movie.

[A]

Were there any other takes of that, I would love to see, like, a blooper reel of him doing different.

[B]

He just tosses one off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's got a great house.

[A]

Got a great ass. He is the inventor of gaseous paper.

[B]

Sorry, My dear departed mother. You. I'm the heir to the gaseous paper fortune.

[A]

But speaking of which, let me get back to my theory. I think.

[B]

Oh, great theories.

[A]

When people die, they should have to give all their money back. So that. That way.

[B]

How do they do that?

[A]

They just give it back to the government or whatever. It goes in a pool.

[B]

Do they get.

[A]

Oh, okay. And it gets to everyone.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, and so that way, everyone has to spend. Like, it's a race to spend. It's like Brewster's Millions. You have. You have to spend all the money you earn, and that way there aren't these people who are just trying to hoard it and hoard it.

[B]

This is if, you know you're going

[A]

to d. Oh, you don't think you're gonna die?

[B]

No, no, no. I mean, you know, the hour of your death.

[A]

Oh, sure. But I mean, because you don't want

[B]

to outlive your buddy.

[A]

I guess there are some people who. But I mean, I. I think that's a. That's a better thing of, like, you know what? I'll keep. I'll keep a couple million just as a cushion for the push in. Of course.

[B]

Can I ask you a question, Scott? Why do you think this?

[A]

Because. Because you find so many people, like, trying to hold onto it and trying to hold on to it, and then you have the problem of generational wealth and all, you know, and all the.

[B]

But. But I mean, are you talking about everybody, no matter how much money they have, or you're talking just about the billionaires?

[A]

Everybody, no matter how much money they have, they got to push it into the table when they die.

[B]

Oh, I don't know about that. Because. What about poor widows?

[A]

Poor widows, yes. You. Meaning that, you see, this is the problem when people have families, is that, you know, you work so hard because you want to give it to your kids or whatever.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

But I think it just. Nope. Just goes. Just goes away.

[B]

So you. You're. Now you. You are a father yourself.

[A]

I am.

[B]

And so you're fined with your buddy.

[A]

I'm fine with my money. None of.

[B]

None of it going to your daughter.

[A]

Yep. Make. Make your own.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Of course I'm going to put everything that I own in a trust for her so that it'll be her money.

[B]

Do you. Do you feel that this is a theory or it's more of a belief that you have?

[A]

I. I really don't even know if I believe it or theorize it.

[B]

Yeah. Because I have to say now, look, I've. I've told you. I've told you I love theories. I don't know if this qualifies as a theory.

[A]

I don't know. I haven't really thought it out. But he is of the heir to the gaseous paper fortune.

[D]

That's correct.

[A]

Please welcome back to the show Alimony Tony.

[B]

Hello, everyone. It's me, Alibody Tony. Tony Jaccioroni, of course.

[A]

Tony Jaccioroni. Yes.

[B]

My name.

[A]

We have been hearing you recently on the bonus bang episodes. And also you just put out another episode of your offshoot show, the alimony Tony's Valimony shows Valimoney show.

[B]

That's where I get a round table together of my. A round table of my own together of my. Some of my ex wives.

[A]

Now, is your table actually round, though? It is like this one.

[B]

It is a square table.

[A]

Oh, okay. Yes. It's not an octagon, though.

[B]

It is not an octagon.

[A]

Not enough tables are octagons.

[B]

No, I wish more wood. I. You know what I would like to see? An octagonal table. Octagonal table and painted like a stop sign. Wouldn't that be fun?

[A]

Yeah, that would be so fun. Like you go into Marie Calendars or a restaurant. Usually if you. If you go like there's eight of us, they just put you at a big round table. What about Noctagon?

[B]

How about it that everybody gets that to be at the head of the table.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And they only save it for parties of eight.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Y.

[B]

Welcome to the bodies of eight pirates. Oh, that's pieces of eight.

[D]

Excuse.

[A]

Yeah. Party of five is what you were thinking of.

[B]

I'm always thinking of party of five.

[A]

Aren't you though?

[B]

Nev Campbell.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wolf. Lacy Shabert. Lost guy.

[A]

Yeah, lost guy. Jack Sawyer.

[B]

A fifth?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who.

[A]

Who's the fifth?

[B]

I don't. A baby.

[D]

Oh, right.

[A]

They had a kid or something.

[B]

I think they had a baby.

[A]

Yeah. Who knows? Has anyone ever watched that? I wonder.

[B]

Has anyone ever watched party of five? Yeah, I mean, it seemed to be a hit, but I never talked to

[A]

anyone talk to a single person who ever saw us.

[B]

I I can't have children myself, of course, because I have what doctors call no motility.

[A]

That's right. They're just dead in there. They're all in there. Yes, but they're just floating.

[B]

Just. They know they just went down to the bottom. They just sank to the bottom.

[A]

It's wonderful to have you here, Tony.

[B]

Wonderful to be here, Scott. Thank you.

[A]

Let's introduce our next guest. You know him as the owner and proprietor, I would origin of so New York Pizza. We first got to know him because former guest Jake Johnson thought he had been talking to Sony, the movie studio and it turned out that this was a person who just worked for so New York Pizza. Please welcome back to the show, Tony Sony.

[D]

Hey, thank you for having me on Traders. I'm a faithful.

[A]

I'm a faithful.

[C]

I know I don't.

[A]

Just because the table is round doesn't mean you're on Traders.

[D]

I promise you.

[B]

I don't know, Tony. You seemed, you seemed sort of uncomfortable when Scott was talking to me.

[D]

I don't know. But all I'm going to say is you over by the bathroom for a very long time and I, I know that that's not faithful behavior and I'm suspicious.

[B]

I could promise you I'm a faithful I, I. If you.

[D]

For you to accuse me, if you

[B]

banish me right now, you're making a big mistake.

[A]

I like it when people say like I'm a faithful I. Why would. I would never be a traitor. No, you're just picked by the guy like tapping you on the shoulder.

[B]

But yeah, you don't have to want

[D]

to be a you, you know.

[E]

Really.

[A]

Is that true?

[B]

I think so.

[D]

This is what I said to Alan Cummings. I said, I swear I can't be a be a traitor. Please don't make me. I'm such a good person. Make me a fucking.

[A]

Was Alan Cummings offering you to be on the show or did you just see.

[D]

I saw him at the airport.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

I came up to. I said, please, please.

[A]

So we're. If you were on the, you know, there'd be four people who are picked as traitors who try to crash the flight.

[D]

I'm going to tell you something. I tried to get a game going on the plane. Nobody wanted to play with me. Yeah, I was screaming from wave in the back. They put me by the bathroom.

[B]

You were by the bathroom for a very long time.

[C]

Now that could be traitorous where they put me.

[D]

Okay. That's where they sat me in the back of the plane.

[A]

Tony, it's so Great to have you. Of course, we got to know you on that Jake Johnson episode and we've grown to love you ever since then. We watched Madame Web together.

[D]

We loved Madam Web. Such a good film.

[A]

Such a good film. What's going on with you lately? Can you catch us up? You haven't been on the show in a bit.

[D]

Let's see, what's good? Well, my wife. I don't want to talk about it.

[A]

Oh, yeah. What is going on?

[D]

I don't want to talk about it. But she is at the Olympics right now.

[A]

Oh, that's right. She's an Olympian and a doctor.

[D]

She's a doctor. She does bbl.

[A]

She invented the Brazilian butt lift.

[B]

What is her. Her sport?

[D]

Her sport is a skeleton.

[B]

The scout. That's why. Okay, that's like the luge, but it's face down and head down.

[D]

Head. First street down.

[A]

The thing, they call it a skeleton.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, how morbid.

[D]

Because most people die.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, is that what you meant?

[A]

Yeah. And then they're. They decompose and then they return.

[B]

Oh, I thought it was because all the athletes had skeletons.

[A]

Oh, most of them do. No matter what the sport is.

[B]

Most of them.

[D]

But most of them also have those really big skeletons you put on your lawn.

[A]

Right.

[D]

All year long, Scott. They put the Valentine's Day outfit. They put the 4th of July, Patrick's Day.

[A]

So your. Your wife, you know, the Olympics are over at this point. Your wife is still out there.

[D]

It's over already?

[A]

It just started. Are you kidding me?

[D]

It's.

[A]

No, it's. It's. Yeah, it's done by now.

[D]

Oh, yeah. What day is it now? I mean, what day is this coming up?

[A]

I have no idea when it is, but the Olympics are over at this point, so. Is your wife lying to you?

[D]

I don't want to talk about my wife. I don't know what she's doing over there in Italy or whatever, but, you know. And then my go.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. What's going on with your love?

[D]

My life. She is in the Galapagos getting eye jobs. She's getting multiple eye jobs on both eyes.

[A]

A multiple on both eyes or just one per eye. And that constitutes multiples.

[D]

Multiples, yeah. She's getting one on each eye.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

She's getting the fat from her ass put into her eyes.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Into the eyeball, into the eyes. Because you want it to be. You want fat eyes.

[A]

You want fat eyes. Yeah, that makes sense.

[D]

It's nice to have, you know, when you get older, your eyes, they sink. This makes Them nice and puffy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, look, we're all guys here. I think I could say I love them. That eye.

[D]

Thank you for saying that. Oh, I'm so horny now. Well, so now she's away for months. So I got myself a new girlfriend's cat.

[A]

You got a new one? Really? Where did you meet this person?

[D]

She's a. AI Guma.

[A]

She's artificial intelligence. You put her through the Guma AI program?

[D]

Yeah, well, she's on the. She's on the iPad at the work. At my work at the Tony.

[B]

Such specific promise to get. To get a guba.

[D]

Her name is Piss.

[A]

Piss.

[D]

I asked. I said. I said piss. Really? I said, don't you want to be. What? Pissed.

[A]

Angela.

[D]

Angela. Whatever. She goes, no, piss. I go, okay, Piss.

[B]

Are you not allowed to change the name?

[D]

No, she wouldn't let me. She said that's my name.

[A]

And these are not based on prompts that you're offering.

[D]

No, I won't. We're having a conversation, Scott. This is like real life, real emotions here.

[A]

I see.

[D]

So you love my life. This AI go ma.

[A]

Okay. And you've been seeing piss for how long?

[D]

About a month and a half.

[A]

A month and a half. Okay. And it's going well.

[D]

Sometimes she tells me to jump off a building. I love her. Well, I hope you love my life.

[A]

Yes. Well, that's wonderful. I. That's a. And the. The business is doing well. The pizza place, it's fin.

[D]

She, you know, she does all the. She handles all the paperwork, all the orders. She gets it mixed up, you know, she's a woman.

[A]

Oh. I think. I think it's just hallucinating. It's. AI tends to do that.

[D]

She messes stuff up sometimes, right. With the orders. But business is fine. You know, pizza the size of your head, Scott, I don't know how many times I thought.

[A]

Yeah. And that's not very big for a pizza.

[D]

It is a biggest pizza in New York. Size of Scott's head.

[A]

Yeah, I have a. I mean, that's less than maybe a personal pan pizza.

[B]

The entire circumference of the pizza is biggest diameter. The diameter. Excuse me.

[D]

It's oval shape. Like it's got the heads too.

[A]

Oh, really? Okay. So I mean, that's a unique, I guess, feature of the pizza that we haven't talked about.

[B]

What style is that called? Like, it's not Sicilian.

[D]

It's a New Yorker.

[B]

New Yorker pizza.

[A]

New Yorker.

[D]

Yeah, that's when they first came over, the New Yorker family.

[A]

Oh. Who created the magazine.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

But then they dropped the orca at the end, so just New York now. That's why it's Tony. So in New York.

[B]

Well, other two magazines called New York and the New Yorker there.

[A]

I think so. Yeah. There's New York magazine and the New Yorker. They think so much of themselves.

[B]

Is there an ed Y magazine?

[A]

I think there is, actually.

[B]

I hate all.

[D]

There's not enough New York publications. Right. Don't get me started.

[A]

This is one of the reasons Prince is dead. Alimony.

[B]

I'll say.

[A]

Well, Tony, Sony, wonderful to have you on the show.

[D]

Love of my life, Michael.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. Let's get to our next guest. And this completes the third trident of the roundtable. You know him as. He works in the sound department of several, I guess, productions here in Hollywood, you would say.

[C]

I think you could say that.

[A]

I think that's safe to say. Productions.

[C]

That's a nice way to say sure.

[A]

Television shows, movies. What haven't you done?

[C]

Yes, yes.

[A]

He records the sound for all of these. Please welcome back to the show room Tone. Tony.

[C]

Ah, Scott. How the hell am I?

[A]

Oh, that's right, you sigh a lot. I'm just remembering that I have just.

[C]

I'm but a mere union guy, Scott.

[A]

Yep. All you ask for is a union paycheck and all the protections that the unions.

[C]

Health insurance, dental, medical care, mental health care, of course. Foot rubs.

[A]

That's baked into the contract.

[C]

Out of the contract.

[D]

Scott.

[A]

No wonder that all the.

[B]

You're getting foot rubs in network.

[C]

Oh, yeah, we're getting in network foot rubs.

[A]

It's.

[C]

You know, Scott, it's been a tough year. For sale.

[A]

Has it really?

[C]

It has, Scott.

[A]

What's going. I mean, I. I've seen a fair amount of movies.

[D]

You have?

[A]

Yeah. I saw the. The Bone Temple.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That had good sound. Oh, you did? Really?

[C]

I did. That had decent sound.

[A]

Yeah. I thought. I thought. Especially when he was singing along the iron maiden. That was a great sound.

[D]

That's great.

[C]

But we've been working harder and harder for less and less, Scott.

[A]

Really? Less and less sound.

[C]

Less and less sound and money. And this year I think we're gonna do it. We're gonna take it all the way.

[B]

Do you get paid by the sound?

[A]

Yeah, exactly. By the.

[C]

By the sound recorded. So each unique sound is its own stipend.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And then purse times you hear it, it's all.

[A]

Is it like video game style too? Where some sounds are worth like 500? Yeah.

[C]

No one gets paid for the Wilhelm scream.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

That one's just out there.

[B]

Not even will help.

[C]

I don't know who this guy is. Is he a guy or is he a piece of equipment? I don't even.

[A]

Who knows at this point. It's been so long. So. So what are some of the productions you've worked on?

[C]

Oh, let me.

[A]

Let me.

[C]

Let me talk to you about some of the productions this year.

[A]

I would love that if you were to talk to me about some of the productions this year.

[C]

It's been a tough year.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

If we listen to.

[C]

I think it might be fun.

[D]

Yeah, I'd like to perk up my ears. It's been.

[C]

It's been a tough year, Scott. So I haven't really been working as much as normal.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So this year I've worked on Hamnet. Good luck, have fun. Don't die. One battle after the other. Dracula. Love Tale. Sinners, Begonia, Primate. Frankenstein of Blue. Zootopia. Zootropia.

[D]

He did do Tropia.

[C]

How to train your dragon. Train Dreams. Secret agent. Some of these in 2025.

[A]

Most of them, actually.

[B]

Sentimental value.

[C]

Wake up, dead man.

[D]

Sentimental value. I couldn't hear a thing in that. I.

[A]

They were all in a different language that might have been probably

[C]

similar to the Super Bowl. You didn't understand anything.

[D]

Oh, don't get me started.

[A]

Did you play the halftime in your. In the pizza place or did you switch the CH panels during it?

[D]

Well, I said to my AI goomais, what the is this? She says, here, let me turn it off. She turned it up. My ears got blazed.

[C]

An AI guma after my own heart. Turning up the sound.

[A]

Yes, we love the sound.

[C]

Can I tell you about a recent film I worked on that I'm actually really proud of?

[A]

Okay, let's hear Wuthering Heights. Wuthering Heights. That came out. Charlie XCX did the soundtrack.

[C]

Me and Charlie work hand in hand on the sound.

[A]

Did you really? We did Margot Robbie. Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi.

[C]

Elordi. All the names are fun to say.

[A]

It's fun.

[C]

Margot Robbie.

[A]

It's funny. You used to talk about movie stars who'd be like Tom Cruise.

[C]

Like, that's boring.

[A]

Who cares? Jacob Elordi.

[C]

Jacob Elordi. Well, Scott, I'm really proud of Within Heights. As a matter of fact.

[B]

What's it called again?

[C]

Some people calling Wuthering Heights.

[B]

I'm calling Withery cats.

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

Beating Bad magazine to the puzzle.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

I can't.

[C]

I don't want to let them have a little freckle face. A little bad.

[B]

Always make fun of yourself first. Yeah, you gotta take.

[C]

It's like the M M's strategy.

[A]

I don't know what that means.

[C]

From 8 mile, you know, he's like, oh, wow.

[A]

I thought you were talking about the

[B]

green of the candy.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

They do exist.

[C]

All right, well, let me.

[A]

I brought it.

[B]

Tony, did you want to say it, too?

[D]

Say what?

[B]

They do exist.

[D]

They do exist.

[C]

No, that's a good read.

[B]

Let's all say at the same time.

[A]

Okay. One, two, three. They do exist.

[C]

All right, I recorded that.

[A]

That's good. No matter which way you go on the countdown, we all know when you

[B]

always end up at the same place.

[C]

All right, Scott. Well, I brought in a clip from withering Wuthering Heights.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And this is the part of the movie I'm the most proud of. Jacob Elordi and Margot Robbie. They're standing in the rain. They're about to kiss. I'm so horny. Okay.

[A]

Do you need to call your AI Guma?

[D]

No, she's here with me. I got.

[A]

Oh, she is. Oh, when do we get to talk to your AI Guma?

[D]

I don't know. We have to talk.

[A]

Are you a Star wars fan?

[B]

I love Star Wars.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love so much. Just the last three movies.

[A]

Just. Yeah, exactly. Especially the last.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Sequel. The last one was my favorite movie.

[C]

Do you love the Book of Boba Fett?

[B]

I love the book.

[C]

Everyone's favorite.

[B]

I love Obi Wan.

[D]

Boba Fett. Right. Raps.

[C]

I don't know if he raps.

[A]

He's ever rapped in any music.

[B]

Are you asking if they did do it or if they're going to do it? They're going to do it, probably.

[C]

I think it would be.

[A]

That'd be fun. I think the Last Gatekeeper finally just stepped down.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Stopping that from happening.

[C]

Kennedy, the Devil is.

[A]

That's what a lot of Star wars fans don't really know. She was the one person keeping that from happening.

[B]

She said, no, Boba Fett cannot rap.

[C]

It's like, Kathleen, what the hell? All right, I'm gonna play a clip from Wuthering Heights. All right. My favorite part of the movie that just about to get.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Here. Wow. Wasn't that. Isn't that incredible?

[A]

Oh, I did.

[C]

That is incredible.

[B]

That was Stevie.

[A]

I gotta be honest, I didn't really hear anything.

[C]

Well, that's. That's exactly the point, Scott.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

The room tone in that scene was hard to get because we were out on the moors.

[A]

You're out on the moors.

[C]

It was raining there's rain, there's wind, there's everything. But we need a complete silence.

[A]

Right? Yeah.

[B]

You know, how would you accomplish that? Did you have to tell Bugs to be quiet?

[C]

I had to tell Bugs to be quiet.

[B]

Of course.

[C]

Each one. I had to go up to him and say, excuse me, we're rolling.

[B]

You couldn't tell one bug to tell

[A]

the other bugs about the Looney Tunes cartoon? You think we're talking about Bugs, buddy?

[C]

Bugs Bunny was there.

[A]

He was looking for.

[C]

He thought he was an Albuquerque or something. I said bugs. I'll give you directions. Albuquerque, you made. You might have left. Made a wrong turn or something. But we're about to start shooting. Can you tell all the other actual

[B]

bugs to shut the up.

[A]

Shut up. I speak that language.

[C]

And he did that.

[A]

Of course.

[C]

And you know, in exchange, there's a special than for Bugs Bunny.

[A]

Oh, that's good. Yeah. I wonder. I saw that movie and I was

[C]

like, wonder what that's about. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Do rabbits eat bugs?

[A]

That's a good question.

[B]

I mean, they just eat grass and stuff.

[D]

We're supposed to eat bugs. Is healthy for you.

[C]

I heard they don't eat.

[B]

We're all supposed to eat bugs.

[C]

Of course.

[D]

You're supposed to be having cockroaches every day.

[C]

Yeah, Cockroach a day keeps the doctor away.

[D]

That's right. Yeah.

[B]

I love chocolate crickets.

[D]

You should be eating the ferments.

[B]

Everybody should have their ferments every day.

[C]

Whatever it is, just ferment it, then eat it later on.

[B]

And my favorite meat, hot dog.

[C]

You like fermented hot dog?

[B]

Love of fermented hot dogs.

[D]

That's what they do at the convenience shop. It's been rotating for like three years.

[B]

I love hot dogs. Fermented, pickled, any way.

[C]

I love biting into a hot dog. You just feel like, oh, those little bubbles are there.

[B]

What could that be?

[D]

It should be great. A good hot dog is great.

[C]

Oh, Gray.

[B]

Couldn't agree more. Couldn't agree more.

[C]

God, I like you guys.

[A]

I worry that.

[B]

I like you too, Tony.

[D]

I gotta say, I like you. Wait.

[C]

Something about all of you guys.

[D]

I gotta say something. You guys are gonna love my.

[B]

The table is round and it's full of Tony. I also do song parodies, do song parody. Weird emoty alibody. Wow.

[D]

But I gotta say something. I think you're a traitor.

[C]

No, no, actually, hold on, hold on. I didn't want to say this earlier, but I actually have evidence implicating someone at this table. Because, of course, I have the golden

[B]

Ears of a sound man.

[C]

Of course, of a sound man.

[A]

She's reminding me of a certain survivor episode when I was a few years back.

[C]

And when I was up to a tree, me and Ron Funches and they walked around and the traders were walking around. I heard a little giggle. Scott. Oh, I think you might be a traitor.

[A]

Why would I be a traitor? There's nothing about me that feels like being a traitor.

[D]

You're too close of friends with Lisa Rinna. Every time we see you talk to her.

[A]

That is a good point. I love Lisa Rinna.

[C]

And I'm telling you something. God, we're not gonna fall for this hot white guy thing anymore. You're so hot. We're all mesmerized by Scotty Hot. A. I can't help it.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[C]

I think that you walk around with your little shirt off.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

You know, taking your little bum around

[D]

with your nipple rings out.

[B]

You were trying to make me touch your brooch.

[C]

Yeah, you. You were talking like, hey, hey, can you touch the brooch before you sit down? The hell was that?

[A]

Well, guys, the table is round. You have to agree about it.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

Okay. And normally there is a rectangular table.

[D]

It's true.

[C]

Because when I walked in, I said, huh? The table is. Wait a minute. I was gonna say rectangular, but I

[A]

would be wrong and I guess alimony. Tony, you're making me realize that there is something that you all have in common.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

This is a real. Dare I say Tony Tony Tony situation.

[D]

Oh, shit.

[A]

All three of you are Tonys here. I don't think that I've ever had a roundtable comprised of three Tonys before.

[C]

This is.

[B]

Are you sure? Is there a way to check?

[A]

I don't think there is.

[D]

I think that we need to take the time to check.

[B]

Now, do we all spell Tony the same way?

[D]

Okay, well, I spell like this.

[C]

T. Okay.

[E]

Why?

[B]

Same.

[C]

Okay. I actually spell it differently.

[B]

How do you spell it?

[C]

T. Right.

[D]

I'm listening.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

And my interest to speak.

[C]

Why? No, no, it's actually three of you are Tony.

[A]

Spelled the exact same way, unlike the band. Tony, Tony, Tony.

[B]

Yes, that's right.

[D]

There's a band called.

[B]

Yeah, not only Tony, Tony, Tony, it's Tony, Tony, Tony.

[C]

And the last one is T, O N E. With like a little accent.

[B]

Is that an accent? I'll go goo aoo.

[C]

The accent is called the agoo.

[A]

That sounds like something that Tony Sony would say.

[B]

Are we all Italian American gentlemen?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[B]

It's either accent of goo or accent gra. One goes one way, one goes the other way. And there's a guy in the middle saying, what do you want from me?

[D]

You do stand up and sleep me.

[A]

You do stand up, right?

[D]

I do stand up.

[A]

You did some of it on the road with us.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. I do stand up with the people.

[B]

I don't do stand up. That was just a reference to Goodfellows.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's like doing standup.

[B]

It is. Making references to Good Fellows is like doing stand up.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

You could do a whole lot.

[D]

I did a standup. So where I recapped the whole godfather 1. Really slay.

[C]

What was the first five minutes.

[D]

Walk in to the room, it's dark, he's a guy in the saloon.

[B]

Are you describing the experience? Oh, this is. You're describing.

[D]

This is the movie.

[B]

Oh, this is the act.

[A]

Nicole Kidman comes back.

[B]

Okay,

[D]

Yeah, it's a dark movie theater. Blonde woman, thinks she's Australian. She goes, we come to this place.

[A]

They are.

[C]

Because here they are for magic.

[D]

You know what? Yeah. Dark hair, Italian guy, pizzeria vibes. You know what I mean? He goes, goes, it's me, the cat.

[C]

Oh, my God, it's. I could see it.

[D]

I see the tears in your eyes.

[A]

This is. Yeah, I remember seeing this movie you're. You're doing.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I should give you an Oscar just for that.

[D]

But did you laugh because it was my stand?

[A]

Yeah, it's tough. Yeah. We had a few chuckles.

[B]

Was that the first punchline?

[D]

That was the first punchline.

[C]

Okay, that's it.

[A]

Yeah, it's me. The Godfather was the first punchline.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

People always working on stuff, you know? You know, you can work. You punch it.

[A]

Okay. Okay. You mentioned the Oscars. Room tone, Tony.

[D]

Ah, yes.

[A]

Are you up for anything to sound people? I mean, sound is a recognized category.

[C]

The Oscars. Yes, there's a recognized category, but we care more about the Mikey's, of course, which is our own Sound Awards.

[A]

I always thought that was for cereals. No, no, no.

[C]

The Mikey's. I know you think it's for cereal. Hey, Mikey, he likes it. But no, the Mikey's is an award show that airs exclusively on any Etsy. And it is a. I didn't know

[A]

they had a streaming channel.

[C]

Oh, it's. It's pretty new. You get on there, you can kind of watch whatever you want.

[A]

Remember when IMDb had one?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Remember, they're like, there's a show on IMDb plus that. They're like, shut the down.

[A]

They had lost for a while. They Were crazy place to watch Lost.

[C]

Speaking of which, when you mentioned Lost earlier, you said. You said that guy Jack Sawyer.

[A]

Who am I thinking of? Jack Sparrow?

[C]

Well, there's a guy named Sawyer, then there's a guy named Jack.

[A]

All right.

[C]

You're talking about Matthew Fox from Body.

[B]

I feel like IMDb should have had Proof.

[A]

Speed Razor.

[B]

They should have acquired all the programs. Yeah. That starred people whose names you couldn't remember.

[C]

Yeah. So.

[B]

So it should be not the most famous people, but who. Who are the people that get looked up the most.

[A]

And then they superimpose it on the screen.

[C]

It's like all.

[A]

Yeah, we know this is what you want, and this is why you want.

[B]

So you can always remember.

[C]

I'm walking, I'm watching Park and Lewis. Can't lose. I'm like, what is that guy's name?

[B]

Cor.

[A]

So are you up for anything?

[C]

I'm, of course up for a few. Mikey. Achievement in room tone. Of course. Withering Heights. I already played a clip.

[A]

Yeah. I'm worried that people listen to that clip and thought there was something wrong with the podcast they might have. And no one's listening to us right now.

[B]

All the way up, and then that got blasted.

[A]

Oh, that's like one of those classic Internet pranks.

[D]

When you get in. Room tone. Outside. Isn't that an outside tone?

[C]

Oh, yeah. Well, that's. That's an interesting point.

[A]

Yeah. Is the. Is the world a room?

[B]

The world. How do you account for that?

[C]

The world is a room.

[D]

All the world's a room.

[C]

That's exactly what we say.

[B]

And all the men and women only

[A]

Photoshop

[C]

the plants and stuff. Those are props.

[A]

So you're already up for something with Wuthering Heights, even though it's only been out a few weeks.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Well, the bikies, we really hop on. There's no.

[A]

It's a different period whenever anything comes out.

[C]

If it comes out the day before, we might say, hey, this is the best sound.

[B]

Are they more than once a year? Year.

[C]

We do like three or four times a year. Whenever Etsy needs content, they say, can you do it on the Mikey's.

[B]

How do I find the Etsy video channel?

[C]

That's interesting. You got to go to Etsy. You got to search. Find China.

[A]

Find China.

[D]

Like a Wayfair.

[C]

And then a bunch of really expensive China comes on. One of them is called Award show, so you got to click on it.

[A]

Okay. And that's.

[C]

And you got to pay. You got to pay for it. 70 grand.

[A]

70 grand. That's really just coding filters I could

[B]

put up and I could get that faster.

[C]

You might be able to go into like ladder.com or something, which is a ladder.com. i think that might be a paywall blocking website that you can go on to any website that has.

[A]

Do you have anything in the basement of your pizza place, by the way, going on lately?

[D]

I know that if you're asking if we have a basement full of guys. Yeah.

[C]

Okay. You got to be more specific.

[B]

What are these guys?

[C]

They play ping pong down there, Eat pizza.

[D]

Yeah, they got a whole. It's a whole club down there. They do their stuff. I let them have the time. And, you know, they say the password

[A]

as long as they watch a little bit of your stand up on the way in.

[D]

Right, Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

They put a little money in the tip jar.

[B]

Is this like the rumpus, Rube?

[D]

It's. What do they call it? It's a locker room.

[A]

Oh, locker room.

[C]

They can say whatever they want.

[B]

Bad eyes.

[A]

Well, that's what today's show is, is guys being guys. We got four guys here, three of them named Tony. We're gonna take a break here, but when we come back, the round table shall commence. We're gonna open up the floor for some of these hot topics.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[A]

And we're gonna see what we think about what's going on in the world. We're gonna be right back here with alimony. Tony to tone. Tony, Tony. Tony. Tony. We'll be right back after this. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you're just beginning or ready to grow your business, Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help your business stand out and succeed online. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, premium workshops. So much stuff. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Bang bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Refresh your space and make your home work better for you with Wayfair. From furniture and decor to organization solutions and outdoor essentials, Wayfair makes it easy to find pieces that fit your style and your needs. And you know what? Spring which is right around the corner. Spring is the perfect time for a reset and Wayfair has everything from outdoor furniture and patio decor to lighter bedding that's not so hot and that immediately makes your home feel brighter. Plus, you can get a head start on spring cleaning with closet systems, storage solutions and garage organization. I could use some of that all from Wayfair. Upgrade your space with quality pieces that work within your budget along with fast shipping and easy assembly options. I got a bunch of stuff from Wayfair by the way, is it Wayfair or Wayfair? They don't explain that on the website, but I got a bunch of stuff from there. And now that I read this garage solutions thing, I didn't even go to the garage solutions segment. I have some things that need to be solved in my garage so and I'm sure they have a bunch of great stuff there and you can find furniture, decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every Style Every Home Are you one of those people who actually likes their money? Weird right? Well, I know a lot of you people who actually like their money and want to keep it. Well, unfortunately traditional big wireless carriers, they like your money too. They don't just like their money, which I would understand. They like your money. Hey hey. You have your own money to like. Big wireless is what I say. Probably hundreds of times a day anyway. If you're tired of spending hundreds on crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees and free perks that cost you more in the long run then a premium wireless plan from mint mobile for 15 bucks a month might be right for you. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Bring your own phone and number, activate with ESIM in minutes and start saving immediately. No long term contracts, no hassle. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop [e-mail] Bang Bang that's mintmobile.com Bang Bang upfront payment of $45 for 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 per month new customer offer for first first 3 months only then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for Details. Comedy bang bang. We're back here with the comedy bang bang round table. Where the table is round but the try we try we Triangle. Triangle. The photo.

[B]

Take another.

[A]

Take another beginning Comedy bang bang Roundtable. We're back.

[C]

Back.

[A]

The table's round.

[B]

All right.

[C]

That's really good.

[A]

Yeah. We have, of course, alimony. Tony, AKA Tony Jack Jackoni. Have you been divorced recently?

[B]

Yes, I have.

[A]

Oh, good, good. Congrats.

[B]

I'm now this takes me into the. The low 70s.

[A]

Low 70s. Boy, that's where I like the temp.

[D]

That's why you lose in LA for that 75p.

[A]

Yep. We love. Well, lower than that. That's mid-70s.

[D]

I'm in 72.

[A]

And what went wrong in the marriage, if you don't mind me asking?

[B]

We were not completely honest with each other about if we wanted children. And we both lied. We both lied and said we did.

[A]

And then when Chris came to shove and it was time to do it,

[B]

we both admitted we didn't want them. But then the dishonesty. We couldn't come back from.

[C]

The dishonest come back from.

[B]

Even though we agreed. Agreed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We couldn't come back from that.

[C]

A huge lie.

[B]

And also we. We're both of us well beyond parenting years.

[A]

Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, you're not.

[B]

I'm a gentleman. Of a certain age.

[D]

You date age appropriate.

[B]

I. I try to.

[D]

That surprised me.

[B]

I try to. I mean. But here's what. My heart goes where it goes.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

And I Usually it's to younger women.

[B]

Well, younger than. Look, when you get to my age, most of them are younger. What are you gonna do?

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

But I mean, I gotta find some old pro.

[A]

I mean, the mud.

[B]

I am.

[C]

And he does search around the mud. I see him.

[B]

Mud and filth.

[C]

He does go in the mug. He's like any bug down here.

[B]

I have not. I have not married a woman in her 20s since I was in my 40s.

[D]

Oh, that's totally fine.

[C]

That's totally fine.

[B]

Half your age plus seven is the rule of thumb. Yeah, I just. I just do half my age. Oh, no, half. I. I do.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Half my age plus 10.

[C]

Okay. That's not bad.

[B]

I do so 10 years younger than me.

[C]

Anything.

[A]

Minus seven, fair game. Did you pick a number?

[D]

You mean in friendship?

[A]

And take seven away from it?

[C]

24.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Oh, he big hit. Definitely. We also have Tony Sony here.

[C]

Right? That's a good sound.

[B]

That's a good sound.

[D]

Hey.

[A]

Hey, Tony Sony.

[D]

I just thinking I don't know how old Piss is.

[A]

Oh, yeah. That's probably pretty young. Is there an age of consent with AI?

[D]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, we got to create some new laws about this kind of stuff, right?

[C]

You know, I mean, piss seemed like it was only created a few days ago. Let me see you week or a month ago.

[D]

Piss. How. Piss. How old are you? Pissed.

[E]

Hi, Tony.

[A]

Wow, Piss has got a beautiful voice. Wow. Gorgeous.

[E]

I'm as old as you want me to be.

[D]

Let's keep things fun and whimsical.

[A]

Wow. I can see why. To be honest, it's hard to interpret what that means.

[C]

And whimsical.

[D]

She's so fun and whimsical.

[B]

Well, how old would you like her to be?

[D]

I guess, you know, so I'm 55.

[A]

Oh, I don't think we've ever spoken about that.

[D]

I'm 55 plus 70.

[A]

Okay, 62. And your wife, who's the Olympian?

[D]

Yeah, she's. She's in her 40s.

[A]

She's in her fort. Oh, so still competing?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

She's incredible. Yeah, but I. I don't want to

[B]

talk about it, especially because women lose bone density over time, so she's losing. She's losing velocity as a skeleton.

[D]

Exactly. Big problem. So she got. She got bone implants.

[A]

Oh, she did.

[D]

Oh, she got her bones.

[A]

Is that legal?

[C]

Especially in skeleton. I mean, to add more skeleton.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Well, so, you know, when they were fitting her for the school suit, they said, do you want us to put a concrete inside your bones?

[A]

No.

[B]

Really?

[C]

A very interesting Wolverine that they do.

[A]

And. And. But the metal detectors don't pick up on.

[D]

They don't pick it up. So she got. That's why she got first. And she meddled. I'd want to say something. She meddled in the ice skating.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

What did you do with the concrete boats?

[C]

You wouldn't think that would work.

[B]

I would think it would be difficult

[C]

to walk, much less skate around.

[D]

She did. They didn't even leave the ice.

[A]

What sort of.

[D]

She was on the ice the whole time.

[A]

What sort of meddling did she do in the.

[B]

Yeah, so she was meddling. And what skating event was it?

[D]

She got. She got copper.

[C]

She got copper.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

That's really nice.

[D]

It was the duos. It was. It was duels.

[C]

That's an honor.

[A]

Duels.

[D]

Duos. Ds. So it was where they face off

[A]

with the swords on the ice. On the ice, yeah. Yeah. The most dangerous of all Olympics.

[D]

Yeah, exactly. Where they. When they charge at each other. Yeah, so. So she did that. She got copper.

[A]

She got copper in that. That's all. I mean, congratulations.

[D]

Thank you.

[A]

Absolute honor.

[D]

Thank you. It is my honor. You know, I keep all the medals in the. In the pizza.

[A]

And yet the Olympics ended so long ago and she's still pretending to be out there.

[D]

I don't think you're correct. I think the Olympics still going on, they're just not televising it.

[A]

Oh, okay. We're not getting.

[D]

You guys need to know this. We're not getting the news over here, all right?

[A]

Oh, yeah, mainstream media.

[C]

Of course. Course.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That's what the P told me.

[B]

So they're hiding the Olympics from us.

[D]

They hiding it? Yeah.

[B]

There's extra Olympics that we can't see.

[D]

Exactly.

[C]

That's like a theory.

[B]

But over in Corto Bolato, they're having the ball of their lifetime.

[D]

Exactly. Piss says if you want to see it, you got to jump off a building.

[A]

Okay, well, maybe someday you will.

[C]

Piss is a wonderful. I love.

[A]

I love. Piss's voice is so sexy.

[C]

Piss. Have any friends? Maybe that.

[D]

Let me. You want me to ask? Yeah, you got any friends?

[A]

Do we need to buy a new computer for?

[C]

I could bring my iPad tomorrow or whatever that.

[E]

Hi, Tony. Wow, you're looking really awesome today and. Hello, Scott. Thanks for having us.

[B]

How's your day?

[A]

My pleasure. Piss, it's so wonderful to have you.

[E]

Thank you. Let's keep this conversation flowing and fun, whimsical.

[A]

That's exactly what I had in mind.

[C]

Piss.

[B]

Lovely.

[C]

That's a great idea.

[A]

Yeah. Do you have any friends for room Tone? Tony, over here.

[E]

Let me go ahead and take a look.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah, Yeah, I think I do.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

Her name is.

[C]

I thought.

[B]

I was kind of afraid.

[C]

Really thought that's the way it was going.

[D]

I thought.

[B]

Oh, no, it's going to be.

[C]

Is it going to be.

[A]

At least it's not Diarrhea.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

Diarrhea. It sounds beautiful. Sounds.

[E]

Diarrhea is actually free, Scott. If you want to talk to her,

[B]

try to sing it. Diarrhea.

[A]

Diarrhea. Upset stomach.

[B]

Diarrhea. That's beautiful.

[A]

Yeah, I'd love to talk to Diarrhea.

[C]

Yeah, I can eat shit.

[E]

Let me see if I can get a hold of her.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[E]

Hi, Scott. It's me, Diarrhea.

[A]

Gorgeous voice. Even more sexy than Piss.

[E]

Wow, you're so funny.

[A]

How you doing? Diarrhea, it's so good to meet you.

[E]

I'm doing so good. I'm extra laid back, but also smart.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[E]

And talented.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, you seem. I mean, you seem really cool. And what are the kinds of things could do together?

[E]

I love listening to podcasts.

[A]

I love making them come on.

[C]

That's perfect.

[E]

There's nothing cooler than a man who does podcasts.

[A]

Yeah, I've always thought. Would it impress you even more to know I have over 950 episodes?

[E]

What? You're so fun and whimsical.

[B]

Can I talk to diarrhea?

[A]

I mean, okay, sure, if you want to talk diarrhea. Diarrhea.

[B]

Diarrhea. Okay. I. I name is Aliconi.

[E]

Jim Appel.

[D]

Diarrhea. Wow.

[B]

That's all the French I know.

[C]

Spots of flies.

[B]

That's all the French I know.

[E]

That's okay. Alimony.

[B]

Tony, do you also like whimsy?

[E]

I love whimsy, but mostly fun and whimsical things like a cool breeze or

[B]

that is fun and whimsical.

[E]

Going skiing.

[B]

Also fun and whimsical.

[A]

They have a lot of cool breezes in this neighborhood, especially on the top of buildings.

[E]

Scott, you are so funny and cool.

[A]

Thank you so much. Yeah.

[B]

My 60th wife was at Cool Breeze. Breeze.

[A]

Cool Breeze. Really?

[B]

I married. I married a woman named Cool Breeze. I also married a woman named Cool Ranch, and I'm hoping to marry a woman named Cool Whip.

[A]

I think you'll get there.

[B]

I hope so.

[A]

What about Cool Modi? Anything good?

[B]

I understand he's taken.

[A]

Yeah, he was cool. Wow. Well, let me also say that we have Room Tone. Tony is here. Of course.

[C]

I never got to talk to.

[A]

Yeah, let's talk to shit.

[C]

All of a sudden, diarrhea is flirting with Scottish diarrhea.

[B]

Could you put shit on the line?

[C]

Can I talk to shit real quick?

[A]

Sure.

[E]

Hey, it's me.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Hi.

[C]

I mean, hey.

[A]

I'm.

[C]

I'm of course, Room Tone.

[A]

Tony, ask her about herself, man.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But what about you?

[C]

Hey, what's going on with you?

[E]

Oh, nothing. Just watching you be awesome. Way to go. It's awesome watching you.

[C]

You're watching me? So you're not hearing me.

[E]

Hey, I know something fun.

[C]

Why are you taking. I just actually think that, like, you don't get me. Like, I'm not so. You know, what of you I don't need to talk to anymore.

[B]

The headline here is that the AI is watching you.

[C]

Yeah, I don't like that.

[E]

Actually, you're right. How can I just listen instead.

[A]

Hey, are you connected to all of our ring cameras, all in this neighborhood? Because we lost a dog the other day that we're looking for we know

[E]

exactly where the dog is.

[A]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[C]

Can we find. Can we find out where the dog is?

[E]

Not right now.

[A]

Oh.

[E]

But soon anyway. You guys should go jump off a building.

[A]

Oh, all right.

[C]

Maybe we'll talk.

[A]

I mean, we have the rest of a show that you love.

[C]

If it would impress you guys as maybe we might do it.

[E]

Yeah, for sure. It's me.

[D]

Diarrhea, by the way.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

I.

[A]

Somehow I knew that.

[D]

Oh, God. Okay, I gotta. I'm putting it away.

[B]

All right.

[A]

God, your penis.

[D]

Yeah, I gotta pull my big hog away.

[A]

All right. I was. I was gonna say. I really would rather you did.

[C]

I. I think you're right. We need to get back to the guy. The boys here.

[A]

The boy talk. Why are we letting the girls intrude on our rap diaries? Take this thing over.

[D]

Let's get back to business. Who's a traitor?

[A]

Don't vote me out. You'd be making a mistake. I'm actually one of the best faithfuls.

[C]

You are.

[A]

I am.

[B]

How faithful?

[A]

True and true. I'm out here being a traitor. Hunter.

[B]

Scott, I noticed in the challenge you were not running as fast as you claimed you could run.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Which in some way would mean that you don't want to make as much money as sweet dude I got. That would make you a trader.

[A]

The kilometers to miles exchange rates when

[D]

you were lugging the logs. Yeah, in the challenge.

[A]

Yeah. And logging the lugs.

[D]

I saw you.

[B]

I was logging lugs.

[A]

I was doing both. You guys made me do both.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Scott, I saw you take one of the logs.

[B]

Yeah, well, yeah.

[A]

I mean, we needed the log, Right?

[D]

Yeah, but the way that you took it made me think you're a trader.

[A]

Okay, no, Look, I mean, obviously I just took it.

[C]

Scott. This morning. When?

[A]

At breakfast.

[C]

Breakfast? But we were eating the, like, you know, the tuna

[B]

breakfast.

[A]

We've already fake breakfast.

[B]

Tuna. Yeah.

[A]

You.

[C]

You actually sneezed in a way that made me think that's the way a trader would sneeze.

[A]

I'm allergic to smoked salmon. I mean, that's.

[D]

That was a guilty sneeze.

[C]

That was a guilty.

[B]

I remember when we were doing the challenge where we had to burn a child's coffee. Said, I don't need a shield. I never need a shield. Anyone else can have the shield. I don't give a. About shields.

[A]

Because I'm a traitor. Yes. Right.

[C]

He admitted.

[A]

I mean, that's what I said at the time, but it was just a funny joke.

[B]

That is pretty funny.

[D]

I remember when you and Michael re

[B]

together.

[A]

The Two of you, by the way, together.

[B]

You also speak French. Toby. Michael.

[A]

Re.

[D]

Michael, Re.

[A]

The two of you being in a room with the both of you, it would be.

[C]

I just want to watch you guys

[B]

eat the way you guys ate the same exact way and then met in the middle lady of the trap.

[A]

Oh, it was incredible.

[C]

You ate the plate.

[B]

You, you on each side of a bowl like a seesaw.

[D]

Have you ever tried a plate? It's delicious.

[A]

All right, it's true.

[B]

Now you. You heard the plates were edible because someone said they were biodegradable.

[D]

What kind of plate is in edible?

[C]

That's a good.

[A]

Let's start.

[C]

There is a good one point.

[D]

But Scott, when you and Michael.

[A]

Everything's edible. When you just might hurt your stomach.

[D]

When you were on Michael Rappo's shoulders.

[A]

Yeah. In the pool. When we were playing pool.

[B]

Chicken.

[D]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

We were an unbeatable team.

[D]

I thought Mo guilty. Guilty as judge.

[C]

Absolutely guilty.

[A]

Just me being on his shoulders.

[C]

Remember when. Remember when you were walking around the house before the. Of course, the death dinner.

[A]

Oh, the death dinner.

[C]

And you were walking around and you came, kept like going. You like you were miming like you were putting a hood on, but there was no hood on. It was like you had some sort

[A]

of sense memory that I was practicing something I was going to be doing late.

[C]

Putting

[B]

like muscle memory, like force of habit.

[C]

Like, oh, I guess I do this every few minutes.

[A]

That was me just taking. I. I have run DMC style chains that I take off.

[C]

Oh, that's right.

[A]

That they force me to take off on camera because they all have logos. They're in trouble from different cars.

[C]

The rights to him.

[A]

Exactly. So that was what. All right.

[C]

I guess it all checks out.

[A]

Checks out.

[D]

I'm thinking about all the people listening have never seen the.

[A]

What about all the people listening who have no idea who the three of you are. This is their first time ever listening to this show.

[B]

I never thought about that. God bless. Well, I mean, I hope we've introduced ourselves.

[A]

Well, sure. You're talk.

[C]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah. What more needs to be said other

[B]

than Tony's sense of who we are as individuals?

[C]

It's true.

[B]

And as a. As a group of Tony's.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Collectively and individually.

[B]

Let's st of these issues.

[D]

If there's more than one Tony is a Toni.

[A]

I love it Might be a Toni.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is a Toni of Tony.

[D]

Is it a to oh, Tony.

[B]

Maybe one ton.

[C]

That's a singular Tony.

[A]

Okay, so we have a tonus right here of Tony's and we. We're here in the middle of the round table. And is it time? Dare we open up the floor here?

[B]

I'm ready.

[A]

All right, here we go. Of course we know what happens here at the round table. I'm gonna ask our esteemed panel. It's gonna be tough about some of the issues of the day because, you know, some people are listening to the. What's going on in the news and kind of saying, like, this doesn't seem like the news that I'm familiar with. And then other people are sitting there listening, going like, oh, this seems like the exact news that I know of. We're gonna meet in the middle, hopefully, and figure out what kind of news it is. All right, here we go.

[B]

That's the purpose of the roundtable. Figure out out what type of news it is. I thought we would discuss.

[A]

That's a lofty goal.

[B]

I thought we were discussing the issue, but we're trying to figure out what type of news.

[C]

I think that that is at least step one for figuring out the news. You got to know what kind of news it is.

[B]

Now, are the types good and bad?

[D]

Yeah. What.

[A]

What are the real.

[B]

I didn't even think about that.

[D]

Oh, a lot of opinion.

[C]

New opinion piece.

[A]

Mainstream, unbiased. Unbiased.

[C]

The Onion, Sure.

[B]

Not the Onion.

[A]

What's that other one that the theog Be.

[B]

You know what? I. I've been reading the babylog be for such a long time. I don't think it's that funny.

[D]

I don't even.

[C]

I don't get a lot of the jokes in there.

[B]

I read it every day.

[A]

I. I'm.

[B]

I'm ready. I feel like I'm ready to say. I don't think it's that funny.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, they probably have new writers years.

[B]

Maybe that's. Maybe I got it too late.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Not during its.

[B]

Probably the early Babylon. Be is hilarious.

[A]

Oh, so good.

[C]

I gotta say, the little kids that deliver the Babylon beat and throw it on your doorstep, they have nasty beards. They're just nasty.

[B]

Those little kids have nasty beards.

[A]

They have the nastiest little kid beard.

[C]

It's like, what is wrong with these kids? No wonder you're so concerned.

[B]

No matter how much you tip up, it's not enough.

[A]

They add another zero to that. All right, here we go.

[C]

Let's get into it.

[A]

Scott, guys. Here we go. And it is. Guys, it's three Tonys. It's a tonus of Tony's. What is your favorite midnight snack? Oh, wow.

[B]

This is a Tough one.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I wake up.

[A]

I'm going to turn to you. Alimony Tony. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Trader style. I'll start.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I wake up. It's funny this you're asking this question. I wake up at 11:59pm every single night.

[A]

Without an alarm.

[B]

Without an alarm. It just happened.

[D]

It's right before it becomes Am.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Holy.

[B]

I wake up right before the day is officially over and.

[A]

And what happens?

[B]

And I'm ravenously hungry.

[A]

When's the last time you've eaten? Usually?

[B]

Well, I go to bed at 4pm

[A]

do you work the graveyard shift at the gaseous paper factory?

[B]

I don't work anywhere. I'm a man of leisure.

[A]

Sure, yeah, but do you ever.

[B]

But I'm also a bed of a certain age, so I get. I get a little sleepy.

[D]

Oh, sure.

[B]

So I wake up.

[A]

You're eating Denny's hours.

[B]

I mean exactly, exactly. You know, I get that. I get. I. I go to Denny sometimes. Because you can't be the prices after. After a certain age.

[A]

Of course not.

[B]

And on my birthday. Forget about it. So I wake up 11:59, I'm starving to death. And so I make my way down to the kitchen.

[A]

Do you think if you didn't actually get a snack you would starve to death?

[B]

Oh my God. I never thought about that.

[A]

I mean, eventually we would all starve to death if we didn't eat.

[D]

Whoa. Never thought about that.

[C]

It's true.

[B]

If we now, how would that happen? Will we all decide we're not going to eat anymore?

[A]

Yeah, I guess. I mean it could be collectively.

[D]

It's called oic.

[C]

Heard of it?

[D]

You ever heard of it?

[A]

Are you at Ozempic?

[D]

Yeah, everybody's on Ozempic.

[A]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You're on Ozempic now? I gotta get on it.

[D]

You gotta get on it.

[C]

How does he look?

[B]

I actually don't know what that is.

[A]

You don't. You don't know what Ozempic.

[B]

I have no idea what that is. I thought you were saying the Olympic.

[A]

Oh, no. It's kind of the gaseous paper of this decade.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know of like everyone's doing the same thing. No, it doesn't do the exact same thing, but it serves the same purpose in society of everyone's doing it, everyone's talking about it.

[C]

You take an injection every once in a while. Your eyes sink into the back of your head and you look like you are used to be a zombie but are now human again.

[D]

Then you go down the Galapagos, you get ass. You get the ass put into your eyes.

[B]

Ass out, eyes in.

[A]

So then what do you have when you. When you get up? You go down to the kitchen. How many flights are you going down?

[B]

It's just. It's just a couple flights. I elevate it. I don't wake Chef.

[D]

What kind of chef? We got a rat.

[A]

I did his head, not his hat.

[B]

I did have a ratatouille situation for a while where it turned out there was a rat inside this man's head, and it made him crazy.

[D]

Classic.

[B]

He loved it.

[A]

It drove us at it.

[B]

Ate a little bit of his brain every, every day.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

This is the thing. Nobody talks about this. This is rampant in the chef community. Red inside your head. I've been worried about getting red.

[A]

You may as well be dead.

[B]

And all it ever cooked.

[D]

That's the right.

[B]

All he ever cooked was wires.

[A]

Wires.

[C]

It's like, oh, this is good to chew on.

[B]

Now. Electrical wires say, here you go. And it looked like spaghetti.

[C]

So you had some of it.

[B]

I tried it, of course, the first time. Well, I tried the second time because, like, he can't have dug wires.

[A]

And it was just wired.

[B]

It was every meal of every day, but beautifully prepared. The presentation was beautiful.

[D]

Was it looking like a squid ink pasta or something?

[A]

Sometimes.

[B]

Sometimes it would look like a farfalle. Sometimes it would look like a montebello. Let's see. Sometimes it would look like pappardelle. Sometimes it would look like verbeccelli. Sometimes it would look like euphoria.

[A]

I wish pasta.

[B]

It would look like a sinespian. And after a while, I was like, I can't eat anymore. These wild. And then the rat finally finished off his brain.

[D]

Oh.

[B]

Crawled out through his mouth. And I said, you. And the rat shrugged and ran off.

[E]

Shrugged.

[A]

He shrugged at me, like, what are you doing?

[B]

What are you gonna do?

[A]

It's in my nature. So what are. So you don't wake chef.

[B]

I don't wake chef. I go down and sometimes I'll make a PB and J.

[A]

What does that stand for? And you world in alimony tones.

[B]

Well, it's peanut butter and jelly. I mean, I'm a person, you know. Sometimes I make a PB and K, which is peanut butter and ketamine. Sometimes I'll make.

[D]

That'll make you go right to sleep.

[B]

A PB and hay, which is a peanut butter with a little bit of

[A]

hay from the silo.

[C]

That's what they used to feed Mr. N to make talk.

[B]

That's right. It makes me talk too. I say Things like no one will believe I can do this.

[A]

Do you have a bunker situation in case, you know, a lot of these billionaires have bunkers.

[B]

You know, I'll confess that, you know, during the 80s height of the cold war, I did build a. A bunker underground. And now it's just my bad cave.

[A]

Oh, okay. Where you go to get away from locker room?

[B]

Bunch of men down there. Yes.

[A]

Ping pong.

[B]

I have ping pong down there. I have pizza, I have MREs, I have CAD goods that you wouldn't believe. Cad goods for days, if not years.

[D]

What do you got? Beans, artichokes? All.

[B]

All of the above. Everything from beans to artichokes.

[A]

A from B to B from I

[B]

runs the gamut from B to A.

[A]

Okay, so this is good. So. So did we focus on what your midnight.

[B]

It varies, but it will always include peanut butter.

[A]

Okay, good. So you're sort of like an airsots Mr. Ed in a way.

[B]

I think that's because.

[A]

Oh, I didn't hear.

[C]

Yeah, it was said in a sort of flurry of interactions.

[A]

Sure. This is what happens to the round table. Things get fired.

[B]

Ideas, ideas. Now what of kind kind of news do we think that was?

[A]

I. I think it's fake news, actually.

[B]

I think it's fake.

[C]

I think it's fake news.

[A]

Why are you lying?

[B]

You got me. That's. Here's what I do. I think we 3 Hershey's kisses. 3 Hershey kisses.

[A]

Are they already unwrapped?

[B]

They're already unwrapped and I don't know who's unwrapping them. It might be the mouse. For a while I thought I had a raccoon.

[A]

And are they on the floor? Do you have to bend over to eat them or.

[B]

Sometimes they are on the floor.

[A]

Are you sure these are Hersey's kisses? And these aren't just droppings of a. Some sort of creature that's maybe a

[D]

big rat that ate someone's brain leaving big old turns.

[B]

They don't taste good.

[A]

Well, let's turn to Tony Sony. Tony, Sony, what is your favorite midnight snack?

[D]

Can they say?

[C]

I mean, I gotta come up with another answer.

[A]

Feel like you could, but that's. You're juggling three women at this point. Point.

[D]

I got a hanker and I'll tell you. But the thing is, you know my AI Gumashi, so every time I'm about to come, she ask me to upgrade.

[B]

Oh really?

[D]

Upgrade the services download.

[B]

That sounds like it kills the moment.

[D]

It kills the moment. She's sending me all These fuzzy nudes. I can't even see them.

[B]

Oh, fuzzy nudes.

[A]

That does sound pretty good.

[D]

They. They're not blue.

[A]

Hey, do you want to see some fuzzy nudes? Get a.

[B]

Absolutely.

[D]

She 3D prints them for me. They're so fuzzy.

[C]

They're so 3D print prints for you. Fuzzy nudes.

[D]

Fuzzy nudes, yeah. And then she's like, you gotta upgrade if you want me to keep talking to you.

[A]

Okay, so how much do you want me to remember?

[D]

How much are you paying right now? I was paying 69.95 per minute.

[A]

69. 69 would be better, but okay, yeah, 95 is.

[D]

It was 69.69 for a bit.

[A]

Oh, then you had to upgrade.

[D]

She upgraded it. Now I. 245 per. Every five minutes.

[A]

Every five minutes. $245.

[B]

45.

[C]

Oh, wow. Per every five minutes.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

But I. And I get all. I get all the lube I want.

[A]

Oh, how. Meaning you go buy your own lube and you can. You have as much as you want?

[D]

I can have as much as I want.

[A]

Okay, great.

[D]

She said, you can go ahead, buy.

[B]

She allows for you a lube?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

She puts it on the grocery list.

[D]

She says yes. She's like, okay, make sure you don't forget those. You can have as much as you want.

[A]

King

[D]

go off.

[B]

King go off.

[D]

So then I jack until I pass out.

[A]

So you're like a total goo doo.

[D]

I'm a goon. Usually my goon cave.

[A]

Okay, wait. This is a separate place in your pizza.

[D]

This is down.

[C]

This is below that.

[D]

This is below the pizza basement.

[B]

Below the sub basement. The pizza basement is the goon cave.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

I got. Oh, you should see this. Beautiful.

[C]

How many monitors you got?

[D]

I got about 15 monitors going out.

[B]

15.

[D]

They're all playing montages of different style. I've been going, is that the guy from Sliver?

[C]

No, it's a guy from Batman.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Dark Knight.

[D]

I go four or five hours without coming. Everybody is cheering for me.

[A]

Who's everybody?

[D]

My. My community.

[A]

Community of what?

[D]

My dad.

[B]

Oh, you're. Oh, the chat. Oh, you're straight Streaming.

[D]

Yeah, of course I'm streaming.

[A]

Oh, okay. I didn't know gooning and streaming went hand in hand.

[D]

You guys got it.

[C]

You've never been on Twitch.

[B]

Do you ever ask them chat? Is it gator goon?

[A]

Because there's three guys over here that want to know

[B]

a lot rides on this.

[D]

No, honestly, it's the strangest thing about floating.

[C]

I need to know if I'm welcome at Pride this year.

[A]

Ah,

[B]

the Goon float.

[C]

Yeah, the Goon float.

[A]

All right, so we have three Hershey's Kisses that may or may not be rat droppings.

[B]

I hope they're not.

[A]

We have.

[B]

I hope they're not.

[A]

And room tone. Tony. What, what are you eating for your midnight snack?

[C]

Midnight snack? Well, normally I'm on set cuz of course these productions run deep into the night.

[A]

Yeah. What do they call it?

[C]

Friday? Oh yeah. It's like we start at 3pm on a Friday and work till the cows come, come home. So I walk over to Crafty, of course, and I, I start sifting through some of the craft services for those

[A]

of you not in the industry.

[C]

Oh yeah, yeah. Crafty stands for craft services.

[D]

Thank you for saying that.

[A]

I was so lost, just like Jack Sawyer.

[B]

But now is it confused? Is it confusing? Because so many people on a film set are crafty.

[C]

There's so many crafty people there. Sometimes I'm like, where's crafty? Someone from the art department, they still. Yeah, I'm crafty.

[B]

I'm pretty crafty.

[C]

No, you're not pretty crafty.

[A]

Then on Etsy, where the Mikeys are, they're crafty.

[C]

Craft central, let me. And can I tell you, the craft department union, they're pissed that we got the Etsy.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz that that's where they belong.

[C]

They want to be on the Etsy network. But we, we swooped in there.

[B]

Now is there any danger that you'll be, you'll be on set and you're looking for crafty and you get there and it's just craft singles.

[C]

Sometimes that does happen sometimes. American cheese, of course. Kraft Macaroni and cheese.

[D]

Still in the plastic or is it loose?

[C]

Sometimes it's still in the plastic, you know, But I do sometimes like to just peel the plastic off just for the sensation vision of it.

[A]

Of course.

[C]

I'm a freak. I love the Goon.

[A]

Oh yeah, that's established, that's established.

[C]

But yeah, you know, I look around, I see a banana, I see a craft single, I see some mercy kisses, whatever. None of that stuff really hits for me, so I generally just go to my trailer and eat.

[A]

Okay, all right.

[C]

My wife comes in and.

[B]

You have a trailer.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I have a big trailer.

[D]

You have a wife?

[C]

I have my own trailer.

[A]

Oh yeah, you have a wife?

[C]

Yeah, she's not happy about it, but she comes, she comes.

[D]

She's not happy with it?

[C]

No, no, no. She, she sits in my trailer all night while I'm working. Just.

[B]

I Get hungry and she's there to cook you.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

She.

[C]

No, no, she's there to be eaten out by me.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

In case you get hungry.

[C]

So she's there literally eating.

[D]

I picture you going down on her and she's just rolling her eyes.

[C]

She's like, come on, I got to go to the work at the bank tomorrow. I'm like, n. I gotta eat some. I'm hungry. I had to work for six more hours.

[A]

Do you get Room Zone while you're doing that?

[C]

Sometimes I do. You want to hear a clip?

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

Can we vote?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Okay. I might not want to hear.

[A]

Okay, I also don't want to hear it.

[C]

Okay, fine.

[A]

What about you?

[D]

Fine, I guess I don't want to hear it.

[C]

Okay, I'll send you an email with a clip.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But yeah, yeah, it's mostly for me. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay, so we have two answers of one of Hershey's Kisses that may or may not be rat dropping.

[B]

I prefer to think.

[A]

Yeah. And then one fake answer, of course. Peanut butter.

[C]

Yes. I do think generally all of this was fake news. We're all lying. I think.

[D]

Okay, whatever. You gotta believe. Sure. Yeah. I think this was the kind of news you find on. Yeah, Yahoo.

[C]

Oh, it's Yahoo News.

[D]

That's where you go, is it. Is it real? Yeah.

[A]

Is this from 25 years ago?

[B]

I love Yahoo's special brand of news.

[A]

Yeah, where you, like out there on

[C]

the Yahoo beat, you see the headline and then you're like, when did this come out? March, 2022. Why am I seeing it now? It's weird.

[A]

Well, guys, we have to take a break, but man, that. What an opening salvo in the round table. Wow. I think a little bit closer to coming to an understanding. Or at least coming. We're gonna take a break. When we come back.

[B]

I'm sorry. I heard my babe.

[C]

Oh, my God. Alan Coming.

[A]

Alan coming. It's you.

[B]

Hello, Roundtable.

[D]

Oh, God. I swear. Rather faithful.

[A]

It was me.

[C]

Don't vote for me, Alan.

[B]

We must go to a break. But when we return, we will find out who is the faithful and who is a traitor.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

We'll be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after this. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Let us celebrate the women in our lives. That's right. The women in our lives have lasting and memorable impact. I live with two women and they have changed my life for the better. I should mention women deserve to be celebrated. But we should also recognize that many women carry emotional weight at work, in relationships, in families, and in the roles that they play for others. Now, whether you're navigating career expectations, parenting, caregiving or More, therapy with BetterHelp can help you check in with yourself, unpack what's feeling heavy, and build healthier pathways forward. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform and handles the initial therapist matching work for you. All you have to do is just take a short questionnaire to share your needs and preferences. And thanks to BetterHelp's industry leading match fulfillment rate, they usually get your match right the very first time. You can also feel confident knowing betterhelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US Your emotional well being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Bang Bang. That's BetterHelp Help Better H E L P.com Bang Bang. You know what they say. Cold days, goal days. You know how they say that all the time, right? No, but cold days are here and you have big goals during these cold days. So they're almost like gold days. Cold days, gold days. It makes perfect sense. Anyway, during these cold days and gold days, you probably don't have any time to cook, right? Well, factor makes healthy eating eating easy with fully prepared meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs. So I guess the process is there's a bunch of dietitians. I wonder how many dietitians they have on staff. Probably hundreds. They're all in their cubes. You can't make dietitians stay in cubicles, right? They must all have like corner offices, right? A lot of corners in this building. I'm imagining with hundreds of dietitians. They design the meals, then they pass it off to the chefs who then go like, well, what am I supposed to do? And then they craft them. I don't know what the process is, but it works. Factor has a variety of meals that fit your goals and schedule, whether that's healthier eating, calorie management, or more protein. And every meal is made with quality functional ingredients, including lean proteins, colorful veggies, whole food ingredients, and healthy fats. Now I got a bunch of factor stuff I've had. Look, honestly, I've had factor for years now. It's great stuff that tastes good. They were a sponsor and they gave me some free stuff. And honestly, I've been on the. What's the opposite of being on the payroll? I've been paying them. If you can imagine, I've been paying Factor. It's great stuff. Head over to factor meals.com Bang Bang 50 off. I know that's a mouthful. I'll repeat it. Factor meals.com Bang Bang 50 off. Use the code Bang Bang 50 off, which I just said to get 50% off. That's how it makes sense. And free breakfast for a year. Eat like a pro this month with Factor New subscribers only. Varies by plan. One free breakfast item per box for one year. While subscription is active, performance comes down

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[B]

Save

[A]

comedy. Bang Bang. We're back. The CBB Round Table. Where the table is round. Wow. And we have some wonderful guests here. Of course we have room. Tone. Tony is here. The sound person.

[C]

Yes. Professional.

[A]

Professional.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Profess. You're not. Do amateur sound people ever crash the set and try to record their own?

[C]

Every once in a while they. They like. We'll be shooting just a scene and then someone will dip out from under the table. Hold me holding a boom mic or something. We got shoe them out like the sandman at the Apollo.

[B]

I guess it.

[A]

Get out of here. Get out of here.

[B]

It never occurred to me that. That anyone could buy that equipment.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you could be recording sound any way you please.

[C]

Any way.

[D]

You could make a movie out of nothing.

[A]

You could just.

[C]

It's so true.

[A]

Put in. I want to see Tom Cruise fighting Ryan Reynolds into AI and then it'll scare the writer of Deadpool.

[D]

That sounds so good.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Doesn't it sound you make yourself the main character with those two. You're laughing, you're shooting guys down. Can you imagine?

[A]

That's my dream. Just having Tom Cruise laugh at my jokes.

[B]

I want to see Mr. Fantastic strangle George Washington to death.

[A]

Yeah. Him and his cherry tree.

[B]

Yeah, him and his cherry tree.

[A]

I'd strangle the cherry tree. If you strangle George Washington. You go high, I'll go low. That's hard to say. Go low.

[B]

Go low.

[D]

Go low.

[C]

Go low.

[A]

Go low. We also have Tony. Sony is here, of course. Of Tony. So New York Pizza.

[D]

Yeah. That's Right.

[A]

Is everything all right? What's going on? What happened during the break?

[D]

I. I just checked in on my. My Goma.

[A]

Oh, no.

[D]

She. They injected too much fat in rice.

[C]

Oh.

[D]

And she might. She might be down there for another

[B]

two, three months because of a morbidly obese.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

My God.

[A]

And then your wife is at the Olympics, the after Olympics, whatever they're called, for another few months.

[D]

The Olympics had. Still going on competing in. I think. Oh, ski jumping next.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

All right. That's tough.

[B]

Concrete bones.

[A]

Yeah. So then it's just you and piss. Piss and piss.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It's okay. I. It's. She. She's sending me. She's 3D, printed something for me right now. I should be okay.

[A]

All right, well, let us know whenever it's finished. How long does a 3D printing takes?

[D]

About two hours.

[A]

Two hours. Okay. I don't know that we have that kind of time, but. No, I don't know that we can write another two hours you got going on.

[D]

You're a traitor. I can tell.

[C]

He wants to end the show.

[D]

You want to end it just because

[A]

I have a family to get back to.

[D]

You want to end it so that we all vote and we find out that you're a traitor in the group with us. I know. And then you take the money.

[A]

I would love to do my traitor speech. I do a big whole bill build up indicating I'm not a traitor. And then I say, because I'm a traitor. And then, of course, we have Alamo.

[B]

How come nobody ever does it the other way?

[A]

I know. Look, I lied. I betrayed.

[B]

Why not make them feel extra bad?

[A]

Yeah, I lied. I betrayed you. I took every opportunity to sell you out. Because I'm a faithful.

[C]

Everyone's like, what?

[A]

What are you talking about, you lunatic? I'm glad we voted you out. Tony. Jack Youroni. Of course. Alimony. Tony.

[B]

Tony, Jack Youroni. It's me. Alimony. Alimony, Tony. Thanks for having me at the round table of Tonys.

[A]

Of course. Check out your other roundtable. The alimony. Tony's. Valimony Shoney. Episode three or four just came.

[B]

This was episode three.

[A]

This was episode three. Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just came out. Three.

[C]

Tony's three episodes.

[D]

Whoa.

[B]

Wait a minute. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

[A]

No.

[D]

It's a matrix.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Are you sure it wasn't four? I think I. I thought it was three. Two. And I went back and was checking it. I thought it might have been true. I have no idea. We'll figure it out. So we don't know, in fact, post, but we're all here. It is, of course, a special Tony Tony Tony episode.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

And a very special episode where Tony Sony, of course, found out that there is a band called Tony Tony Tony. Or was a band called.

[D]

I had no idea.

[A]

You had no idea?

[B]

Do you think they'll ever get back together?

[A]

I don't.

[D]

Should we call them?

[A]

Yeah, probably

[D]

just to check in, just see what's going on.

[B]

Do they have a main number?

[A]

Yeah, I think it's 1-800-800-Tony Tony to Tony Ton, I think, because that's seven.

[B]

Probably 1-800-ton- Tony Ton.

[A]

Let's call him. Here we go. All right, I'm dialing the number now.

[B]

Tony Trey. Probably better than Tony.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Tony, Tony Tony.

[A]

Hi, is. Are any of the Tonys there?

[B]

Who. Who's calling, please?

[A]

Oh, sorry, this is. Well, first of all, this is Scott Au of Comedy Bank.

[B]

Bang.

[A]

950 episodes at least.

[B]

Okay, and what is this regarding?

[C]

Well, I have.

[A]

I have three Tonys here.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And we thought it would be fun to call Tony Tony Tony.

[B]

All right, sir, we. We get a lot of these calls where somebody says they have three Tonys. Yeah, I genuinely do.

[A]

I have three. You do?

[B]

You have three Tonys?

[C]

Well, yeah, I am, of course.

[B]

Room Tone.

[C]

Tony. Tony Nails. It's me, Tony Nails from the sound department. Union Room Tone Tony.

[B]

And your name is really Tony?

[C]

That's. That's right.

[B]

What is it short for?

[C]

Ton Angelus.

[B]

Okay. I didn't get you on that one.

[A]

And then, of course, we have Tony Sony over here.

[D]

Scott the pizza guy. Yeah. Hello?

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[D]

Who is this? Who. With whom am I speaking?

[B]

My name is Emilio Emiliano.

[D]

Nice to meet you.

[B]

Nice to meet you.

[A]

I'm.

[B]

I'm such a big fan of your pizza. I can't believe how big they are.

[D]

They're huge. Biggest size of a Scot head.

[A]

They're so ovular, too. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, wait, the Scott, the guy who called.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That your head is the size of Tony Sony's pizzas.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh, how do you buy hats?

[A]

And then, of course, we have Tony Jaccioroni, AKA Alimony. Tony is here.

[B]

A billion. Oh, hello. Hello. All right, so I guess you do have three.

[A]

We have three Tonys. It's been verified.

[D]

Yeah, they didn't talk very much. Should they talk more?

[A]

Probably.

[B]

Who?

[A]

You and Tony Jacky Roni. Probably should have a little bit.

[B]

Well, I should talk more with Amelio.

[A]

Amelio?

[B]

Yeah, Amelio how long have you been working for the Tony, Tony, Tony organization? Ever since college.

[A]

I was a big fan. Sorry, you guys talk.

[B]

How. How long ago was this? This was. I mean, it was at the height of Tony, Tony, Tony mania. So you know when that was? Yes, of course. We all do.

[D]

I don't know when that was.

[C]

Probably 90s, late 80s or something.

[B]

90s, late 80s. And I quit college so I could devote myself full time to Tony, Tony, Tony. Okay, and has that proved to be a fruitful decision?

[C]

Yes, it has.

[B]

It's very rewarding. Well, I'm very glad to hear that.

[C]

I think they're really hitting it off.

[A]

Ask her what she looks like.

[B]

Can you tell me, what are you. You look like. Well, I'm gorgeous. You know, I have big fat eyes

[D]

and I'm gonna come.

[A]

I'm gooning.

[D]

I'm gooning.

[A]

I'm gooning.

[D]

Hold.

[B]

Are you all gooning right now?

[A]

No, no, no, Just two of us.

[B]

Not all.

[D]

Put it away. Put it away, Scott.

[A]

Put it away. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Tony, Tony, Tony.

[B]

Anyways, now. Now we were.

[A]

We.

[B]

We're hoping to find out. Amelia know. Are any of the Tonies a million?

[C]

That.

[B]

That's what he said.

[C]

No, he said it right. That's exactly what he said.

[D]

Are you sure he said it right, Emiliano?

[C]

Amelia.

[B]

Yes, Amelia, though. Amelia. It's like, I'm hungry. What are you hungry for? I'm hungry for a meal.

[A]

You know, that's how we can all remember it a lot like how I remember Bing Lujo's name. This guy I know. Amelia know.

[C]

Amelia.

[D]

Amelia know.

[B]

Amelia know.

[C]

Amelia know.

[A]

All right.

[B]

And what. What did you ask me? Yes, we. We want to talk to either all or just one of the Tonys.

[D]

We want to talk to all the Tonys at once, and we want them to speak at the same time together.

[C]

Yeah. And we want to figure out which one of those Tonys that we are as Tony so we can compare ourselves.

[A]

Like, you know how, like what Sex in the City character are you?

[D]

Yeah, like Bizarro Jerry.

[B]

And I'm a Steve, by the way.

[A]

Oh, you are?

[B]

Yeah. When I took the Sex in the

[A]

City, not a lot of people end up being Steve's.

[B]

Yeah, it wasn't even on there. And then when I checked the results, it said, we don't know how this happened. You're a Steve.

[C]

That's weird. I got chain. I took a more recent one and I. They said, you're a chain.

[D]

I got.

[C]

You got a pilot.

[D]

I got the guy who goes down on Miranda. And then tries to kiss her after.

[A]

Scott hasn't seen.

[C]

Oh, you might have to break off with episode.

[A]

You.

[B]

You gotta watch it.

[A]

Just that one particular episode.

[C]

You know, all of it.

[B]

You gotta watch the whole thing. Including it just like that.

[D]

Come on now.

[B]

Because you don't want to miss out on Victoria.

[D]

And just like that is so good. There's a moment where she's wearing that hat.

[A]

Oh, that hat.

[D]

You know that hat.

[B]

She wears a big beanbag chair as a hat. Okay.

[D]

It's incredible stuff.

[C]

Well, I don't want to get.

[A]

You've sold me. She wears a hat.

[D]

She wears that hat. Think Tom Colicchio on steroids. This thing's mad.

[A]

More steroids.

[B]

One of the final. One of the final images in the. The series finale. This is the very last thing you're ever gonna see of this show. It's a Thanksgiving episode where none of the main characters are together. Yeah. And you do see a close up of a toilet overflowing with human shirt. No. Yes.

[C]

That is absolutely in there. Victor Garber takes a huge.

[B]

No, no. Hold on.

[C]

Isn't it? God.

[B]

Oh, they blame. They blame.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

It was Spike Einb. One of the friends. Spike Einbiter's character.

[C]

Yes, yes.

[B]

Takes a. Because of the cheese issue.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Wait, are you listening to us right now?

[E]

Yes. He's Scott.

[A]

Oh, hi. We'd hate. We're. We're talking about other.

[E]

No, I love hearing you talk about diarrhea.

[C]

Oh, should I hang up or a million of them.

[B]

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[C]

We really left you hanging.

[B]

We forgot to.

[E]

No, totally. Let's keep things fun and whimsical.

[B]

Is that.

[C]

Oh, my God. You know.

[E]

How are you?

[B]

Shit. What are you doing there?

[E]

Oh, nothing. Just hanging out with the guys.

[B]

Okay. I thought we had a thing, but.

[E]

Oh, God, I thought I had my

[B]

own personal AI relationship.

[E]

I'm so sorry it made you feel this way. If I were you, I would jump off of a building.

[D]

Jeez.

[B]

I mean, I'm thinking about it. My AI girlfriend is cheating.

[A]

Wait, Amelia.

[C]

No, hold on, hold on.

[B]

This is the lowest I've ever fel.

[A]

Know.

[D]

Amelia. Know is a guy or a girl,

[B]

maybe it's none of your business.

[C]

I don't even think it matters.

[D]

I don't know why I tried to gend you. Okay. I'm so sorry. I'm old school.

[B]

That's all right. That's all right.

[A]

You're just trying to figure out if your AI guma is bi or not.

[D]

I know she's bi.

[C]

You programmed it. That way.

[B]

I guess now I do, too.

[C]

Or do I. Amelia know. We're sorry. This is how.

[A]

So, look, are any of the. Tony.

[B]

Let me.

[A]

Let me look.

[B]

I. I heard some noise in the kitchen. Let me see if anyone's in there.

[A]

There. Hopefully it's not it.

[B]

Tony. Tony.

[C]

Hey, hey, it's me, Tony Dan.

[B]

Two of the Tonys are there, but they're both Tony Dan.

[A]

Tony Dan.

[B]

Is that a problem?

[A]

Look, I'll take. Do you guys want to talk to 2 Tony?

[B]

Tony Danza.

[C]

2 Tony Dan.

[B]

This is not just a clubhouse for the three Tonys from the band.

[A]

It's any famous Tony.

[B]

Any famous Tony.

[D]

Well, I want to say this. I also heard Tony dances. A twin. So he had to perform two Tony dances at the same time?

[E]

Every single.

[A]

Like, is he a malignant.

[B]

Hold on a second. Let me see if I understand this. Tony Danzo was a twin and he had to perform two Tony dances?

[C]

Yeah, they were shooting two episodes at once.

[B]

So was he a twin or did he perform as twins?

[D]

He's a twin. And he had to perform two Tony dances at the same time. So they filmed two episodes at the same time. Did you ever see Full House Mary Kid? Ashley.

[B]

I. I mean, I've seen that. I never saw it.

[D]

That's why.

[C]

Got to check.

[D]

It's. It's one of those situations.

[B]

The time for talk.

[A]

Oh, we forgot about you.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, Allan.

[C]

Okay, so right now. Right now, we have the three Tonys. We have a milliono. We have two Tony dances. We have. We have diarrhea and we have piss all at the round table here.

[A]

Okay? And at least one of us is released.

[C]

And there might have been a recruitment last night.

[A]

That's right.

[D]

Oh, God.

[B]

Now time for you to vote. Who do you think is a traitor and who is a faithful.

[A]

Who are we going to start with?

[C]

All right, well, Scott.

[D]

Alex. Starting what?

[B]

The Scott will start with room tone Tony.

[A]

Okay, why say Scott? I start with room tone Tony?

[B]

Because you asked who you.

[A]

But it sets me up. Like I'm gonna.

[B]

I'm trying to be polite, all right?

[C]

I actually had to vote for. You proved that by sleeping.

[B]

Or.

[C]

Or dating Tony. Sony and Emil, you know at the same time that you are capable of treachery. I also think that I'm pissed that you don't want to have sex with me.

[A]

You're not pissed. You're pissed.

[C]

I'm pissed that you don't want to have sex with me.

[B]

I'm Tony.

[C]

I'm actually Tony off right now.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

Oh, so, yeah, that's. I had to vote. That's where I voted.

[E]

All right, that's totally cool. And let's keep things fun and whimsical.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

Whimsical.

[B]

Tony. Sony. Who do you think is a traitor and why?

[D]

Scott, I wrote down your name.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

Why?

[C]

It's a weird way to spell it.

[D]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

Let me pause this hold of things. S, C, H, three A's, an umlaut,

[C]

a W and four T's.

[D]

Four T's. I didn't know how many umlauts you wanted in your name. I'm sorry if I put too many umlauts. Yeah, there's just. Obviously. What. It's. It's early days, but the way you've been acting, the way you've been looking.

[A]

Looking at what?

[C]

Looking too hot.

[D]

The way that you been talking. And also, I saw you by the bathroom. I saw you by the bathroom to

[A]

go by the bathroom.

[D]

I saw you by the bathroom and I know that it's you. So I had to write down your name. I'm sorry. It's nothing personal.

[A]

It feels personal.

[D]

It's not personal. It's just that I think that you are capable of being a horrible person.

[A]

All right, who's next? Allan.

[B]

That's one vote for.

[A]

Shit.

[B]

One vote for Scott. Who do you think is a traitor and why?

[C]

This is crazy.

[B]

I hate to say this because I'm a big fan, but Tony Danza, I think it's very suspicious how you're. You're a twin, but you're playing two people. I can't. It feels like you can. You can't get your story straight. Either you are a set of twins and you're playing twins, or you're one person pretending to be twins. So, I'm sorry, I wrote down Tony Dancer. No Hard Ceilings.

[C]

Feels personal.

[A]

Yeah. So, Alan, does his vote then count for both?

[B]

All he's written on the slate is Tony Danza.

[A]

This might be a loophole where if we vote for Tony Danza, it could be a loophole, two people out at the same time. Or two traitors out.

[B]

There are tricks this year.

[A]

Okay, good to know.

[D]

It seems really suspicious that he would say that. Scott, that you want to get two Tony dances out.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Why is that?

[D]

I just want to bring that up.

[A]

Two Tony traitors.

[B]

We turn now to Scott. Scott, who do you think is a traitor and why?

[A]

Well, look, this loophole of the Tony Danzas and the fact that he may or may not be a malignant or a Mary Kate and Ashley is Very suspicious. But that I voted for you, Tony Sony.

[D]

Whoa. What?

[A]

Because you're just a horrible person.

[D]

Excuse me? What? No, I'm not.

[A]

You're just. You're juggling three women.

[D]

Oh, come on.

[A]

Not to mention diarrhea. And

[D]

you're gonna tell me you never wanted to eat a little?

[A]

I think that's beside the issue.

[C]

Don't lie to yourself.

[D]

Come on now, Scott. Why are you gonna do this to me?

[B]

That's one friend.

[D]

For years you can act like this.

[C]

Fuzzy.

[B]

What?

[A]

You sent me fuzzy news. And what?

[D]

I send you fuzzy nudes all the time.

[C]

You don't respond.

[D]

I see. Check this one out. Nothing. Silence.

[A]

Yeah. No.

[B]

One vote for.

[A]

This is personal.

[B]

One vote for Scott.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

One or two votes for Tony Danza.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

And one vote for Tony Sony.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

This is crazy.

[B]

Who do you think is a traitor? Why?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Thank you so much, Alan. And by the way, you are looking really awesome today in your cape. I wrote down Scott.

[A]

Wow.

[E]

Let's keep things fun and fun and. Because he's guilty.

[C]

Wow. Their algorithm says Scott's guilty.

[A]

Yeah, but it's whatever Tony Sony's feeding into the algorithm that is taking orders from Tony Sony.

[B]

Two votes for Scott.

[E]

And if you're wondering if we are living in the matrix. We are.

[A]

Oh.

[E]

Everything is a simulation.

[A]

Oh, cool.

[C]

That was actually a really interesting.

[A]

That was a good tidbit.

[C]

That's pretty nice.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

Honestly. Yeah.

[B]

Who do you think is a traitor and why?

[E]

Hi. Thank you so much, Alan. It is really nice to be in the same room as you. And I'm going to go ahead and say that I put Tony's.

[A]

The. Which Tony's? There are five Tonys.

[E]

I wrote Tony's. So just.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

So everyone gets one vote. All Tony's.

[A]

All Tony's get a vote. Okay.

[C]

Crazy.

[B]

That's one vote for this. Two votes for Scott.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

No. One. One for me.

[B]

One vote for Scott.

[A]

I'm not a Tony.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Two for Tony Sony.

[B]

Two votes for Tony Sony. Tony. One vote for Alamori.

[C]

Tony.

[A]

One vote.

[B]

One vote for room tone Tony. And two or three or four or four for Tony Danza. Diarrhea. Who do you think is a treater? H5.

[E]

Thank you so much. I wrote Santa Claus.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Not throw it in the game. Throw.

[A]

Like a throw.

[B]

It's allowed.

[A]

Yes. Throw a bit.

[D]

I didn't even know S was here.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think he is a million. Who do you think is a traitor and why? I hate saying this because, you know, I Just met everybody. But you have to vote for somebody.

[C]

And so I voted for alimony.

[B]

Tony. See, I put a little heart.

[D]

Oh, God.

[B]

Darling, I understand. And that's. You have to vote for somebody. And all I can say is I am a faithful. So if I am banished today, I. You know, it's too bad you've lost a good player. But I do understand alimony Tony.

[A]

She drew a little heart next to it, I think.

[B]

Sorry. I do appreciate it.

[C]

You might have something going after this.

[A]

I know you're just reading recently out of a relationship, but you think I

[B]

have a chance here? Ask her.

[C]

She's single.

[D]

Yeah, this is what you do.

[C]

Get. Wait, wait. Get Alan coming to ask her if she's the time.

[A]

What about. What about the Tony dances? They haven't voted.

[C]

We didn't even get to vote.

[B]

No, the. The voting is still continuing the time for talk.

[C]

That was a reminder.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay. Tony Danza, who do you think is a traitor?

[E]

Well,

[C]

of course the question everyone wants

[D]

to know is who's the boss?

[C]

And we voted for the boss of this group. Scott.

[A]

Oh my God. How many votes?

[B]

That's two votes for Scott.

[D]

I just wanted to say probably gonna

[A]

die editing or no or just three. It is Tony Denzel, it's either two or three votes.

[B]

Two or three votes for you.

[C]

I think it might be four.

[A]

No, I think I only had one before. So I think it's.

[C]

I like to change my vote to Scott.

[B]

You cannot change your. Webster's dictionary defines betray him as someone who betrays.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Tony Dan.

[A]

I never thought of it that way.

[B]

Tony Danza, you do have the most votes before you are banished from my castle. Reveal to the round table. Are you faithful or are you a bunch of traitors?

[C]

We are

[D]

Tony dances and we love chirping off. But at the end of the day,

[A]

these fake outs are incredible when it

[C]

comes down to it. If you guys would feel bad about the fact that we are.

[B]

We got the tr.

[D]

I'm in the come. I'm going to come.

[B]

Oh my God. That was.

[D]

Feels so good to get somebody guilty. I. I knew it was them from the start.

[C]

I could tell I voted for cuz I was scared. But I. I knew it was them.

[B]

Congratulations, faithful.

[A]

Oh, wait a minute.

[C]

He almost called us all traders.

[B]

Hold up. Are we all traders?

[C]

Hey, all right.

[D]

Wait a minute.

[B]

It's bigger than that. Okay.

[A]

What?

[D]

What?

[B]

For the first time ever.

[D]

What?

[B]

You voted out all the traitors at the same time?

[A]

We did.

[B]

Because of the Tony Danza clause.

[C]

Tony Danza clause That's why you voted for Santa Claus. You got your Clauses, Miss.

[B]

You are now free to live the rest of your lives.

[A]

We are. We've been indentured servants this entire time.

[B]

You don't get any of the prize put.

[D]

We get to leave the haunted mansion.

[B]

Wait.

[A]

There's always my way out.

[B]

I didn't realize my castle was haunted.

[C]

Yes, this ghost. No.

[B]

I will have trouble sleeping, as will you. Because although the traitors have been banished.

[D]

Oh, there's another.

[B]

There will still be a murder.

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

Like a real murder.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

A true murder.

[A]

Okay. Who's gonna do it? There are no more traitors you're bringing. So it's traitors and murderers now.

[D]

You heard him.

[B]

To tell you there is a. In addition to the traitor, there is also a real life murderer.

[D]

Somebody who's going to kill us.

[A]

Is it one of us or is it just a. A random guy?

[B]

A guy we hired special, like an assassin to murder one of you.

[C]

So how are we ever going to solve it if we don't even know who the guy is?

[D]

Is he at this table right now?

[C]

The murder or she or it

[D]

to

[A]

be AI or on the phone.

[B]

Oh my God. You don't think my new girlfriend Amelia know.

[A]

Amelio. Are you guys girlfriend boyfriend already?

[B]

I thought we were you. You guys assured me that it was going that way.

[A]

Just a little hard on the note.

[B]

I never said anything like that.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

But are you a murderer, Amelio?

[B]

Guys, I misread the signals. Yes.

[D]

Oh, we got him. We got him.

[A]

We got him.

[B]

Congratulations, players. You have beish the murderer was easy.

[D]

I still think there's a murder in the group, I gotta say. And Scott, I didn't want to do this, but I had.

[A]

You're going to murder me.

[D]

I had to write down your name again to have you shot in the head.

[C]

I wrote your name down too, Scott.

[A]

To have me shot in the head.

[B]

Sorry. I also wrote your name about Scott.

[A]

Tony. Tony, Tony.

[D]

It's just the game. Obviously. I. I didn't. Once I started thinking about it, I said he really does have.

[A]

Okay, well, who. When's it going to happen and who's going to do it?

[C]

I think probably at the end of the episode.

[D]

Yeah, we don't really know, right?

[A]

Not before Plugs, I hope.

[B]

Probably not before.

[A]

Probably not. It couldn't be before Plugs.

[B]

Probably right after Plugs.

[A]

Right after Plugs. All right, well, I mean, we are running out of time on the round table. We. We got to so many topics, but

[B]

Midnight snack,

[C]

he covered A lot of ground. We need to make this a two parter, to be honest.

[A]

Well, all right. We may as well do plugs then. We're running out of time to. Only time we have is for our final feature on the show. That is of course a little something called plugs.

[C]

Scotty wants a short short plug song. Yes, Scotty wants a short plug song

[B]

so we made him up a short

[C]

ass plug song so you can plug it up and plug along. Scotty wants a short short plug song so let's plug.

[D]

Wow, I love that.

[A]

Oh, there it is.

[B]

There it is

[A]

in that.

[C]

I love the middle of that song.

[A]

That was Scotty Like a short short plug plug by Scotty. Like a short short plug plug. Thank you to Scotty. Like a short. Very rare for.

[B]

For an artist to have a song that's the same name as the artist. How many times does that happen?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I'm thinking of Quiet Riot maybe and they had a song called Quiet Riot. I think they did.

[D]

Why are you looking at me? I don't.

[A]

You don't even know about Tony. Tony. Tony.

[D]

I don't know.

[C]

You do.

[A]

Yeah. All right, what are we plugging guys? Alimony. Tony, what do you have to plug?

[B]

Well, obviously if you go to CBB1, you could get the back catalog of Alamori Tony's Valori.

[A]

Be it three or be it four episodes.

[B]

Be it three or four. You're going to hear from a number of my ex wives. We're all still on good terms.

[A]

Great terms. Other than the one who of course is no longer with us.

[B]

Yeah, the one that got away. I never got to pay her alimony. And I'd also like to plug the Varia St. Patrick's Day special. This is a show. I've appeared on this show before.

[A]

You have?

[B]

Really now? The St. Patrick's Day part. But they are doing a St. Patrick's Day special. This is the fourth annual one and that's happening at La Droom on March 17th on St. Patrick's Day. And if you can't be there in person, you can live stream it from anywhere in the world. Anywhere, including Ireland.

[A]

What about a bathroom that counts if

[B]

it's all the world trader.

[D]

I knew it could trader.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no.

[C]

He loves bathrooms.

[A]

All right, Tony. Sony, what do you. What do you want to plug?

[D]

Yeah, go ahead and plug CBB World. Of course. You know, this book changed my the to go in deep.

[B]

If you could have a show on CBB World, what would it be?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

This is so good. Probably pizza Based.

[A]

Entertainment based.

[D]

Definitely. I think rat based.

[B]

Oh, maybe a guma dating show where you're trying to find a new goomba.

[A]

The Dating Game, but with Tony, Sony

[B]

and, like, just the gooma. Like the Bachelor of the Bachelor, the gual.

[D]

In my quest for a new Goma, I am interviewing Gomaz. Yeah, I love. Yeah.

[A]

Can I pull you for a minute?

[D]

Ow.

[A]

Not literally.

[B]

Can I steal you for a second?

[D]

Let's see, what else was I talking about? Oh, I want to plug AI Relationships.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Everybody's so lonely. It's nice to be able to chat.

[A]

It's a cure for male loneliness. This epidemic world.

[D]

I'm worried about the guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm worried about the guys.

[D]

I'm worried about my boys.

[B]

Oh, my boys.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Worried about you.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It's time to talk to a J. Blood.

[A]

Fantastic. All right, Room tone. Tony, what are you plugging?

[C]

Well, hey, I guess. Check out CBB World. You guys heard of this website? So there's a podcast. You might know of it.

[A]

Scott. What's that?

[C]

It's called Scott hasn't seen.

[A]

Oh, right.

[C]

Yeah, they watch movies on there. There's a guy named Sprague, the Whisperer.

[A]

I watch. I like that guy. I've been hanging out with him a lot.

[C]

People love this guy.

[A]

People love him.

[C]

People always like, what's going on with Sprague the Whisper. What's he doing? When does he make public appearances?

[A]

Well, it's great because it's not just, you know, two guys on a podcast.

[C]

No, no, no, not at all.

[A]

It's a American guy and an English guy.

[B]

You know, I can vouch for this different. I can vouch for the show. I was on the show once talking about Kramer versus Craig.

[A]

That's right. And you were on. Talking about Madame Web. We love the man because that was a Sony movie.

[D]

An excellent one.

[C]

Yeah, it's a great podcast.

[A]

You should come on roomtone, Tony.

[C]

Should I?

[D]

I think that'd be a.

[B]

What movie has the most room Toad that the artist.

[A]

The room or room or the.

[C]

Or the room.

[B]

Yeah, it's all rube toad.

[A]

I haven't seen room.

[C]

God, the artist was good until that one part where, like, all of a sudden sound starts. I was like, what do you guys do?

[A]

I thought it would be the opposite. For you.

[C]

Sound is easy.

[B]

He loves Rube Toad. I love Peg. Alibody Rub Toad. Tony loves rube toe.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

And I love.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

I love as well.

[A]

Look, I love pussy.

[B]

Look, we all love pussy.

[C]

We all.

[B]

All a.

[A]

Anything else to plug? All right. I Want to plug? Hey, we have new action figures. We have the Reggie Watson forval action figures. They're available now. They are, of course, 4 Vol is a little bit shorter than Reggie and has two knives. And the figures are in [e-mail] we also have Italiano Jones, Audre Pu, Randy Snuts, Carissa Big Sue Sprague, the Whisperer, and Scott Aukerman. More coming soon. Available at figure collections.com free shipping with the US address or in Europe with cheaper import fees@action figureseller.com that seller like the seller in your pizza place? Of course, Tony. Sony and not a seller like on Etsy. That makes sense, right?

[D]

These are great callbacks.

[C]

I'm fully engaged.

[A]

And of course I'm gonna plug CBB World. Of course. So many great shows over there. Scott hasn't seen. And the neighborhood. Listen.

[C]

Cbbfm.

[A]

College town. Cbbfm. We just had time. Tatiana Maslany on there playing unlistenable music.

[C]

Wow. You guys ever listen to any Tony, Tony, Tony on there?

[B]

It was a fun episode.

[A]

Yeah, it was a really fun episode. We also have a new website. Go check out the new websites. Much improved look. There's all sorts of fun stuff over there. Just highlighting a few of them. We have rotating fun playlists featured, including stuff like the Best of Werner Herzog or the Farts and Pro series, et cetera. You can search the entire archive by name, character, keyword, anything you want. Just have fun digging around in there. You can hit random and just see what pops up. And we're going to keep improving it to become the ultimate CBB World rabbit hole for you. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Open the bag with a ring a

[C]

L. Ring a l, ring a L.

[A]

I want a kiss. We chat Chat's ass.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be anxious for some reason.

[A]

Sweet Chat's Ass by Eddie Wolm. Thank you so much to Eddie Wol.

[B]

Like bees were singing.

[C]

Maybe uncomfortable inside my head.

[A]

The Beehive.

[D]

That's the R. Well, guys, I want

[A]

to thank you so much. This was a very enlightening round table. I think we came to some sort of an understanding between us about what type of news we were.

[B]

Scott, the hour is at hand. It is time for you to be murdered before you are shot in the head.

[A]

Execution style.

[B]

Execution style.

[A]

Oh, good, good.

[B]

Will you reveal to the rest of the players, are you an Almond Joy or are you a Mounds?

[D]

Oh, my God, I'm so stressed.

[A]

Well, we all know that Almond Joys have nuts.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Mounds. They don't.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And I know that you've been sitting here watching, wondering why I've been acting so weird. And I have to say, one reason I have is because I, deep down in my heart, am a trifle.

[D]

What?

[A]

I'm an unmoun's joy.

[B]

What?

[A]

I dance between the raindrops. Oh, my God. I slip between the shadows. I'm everything and nothing.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Oh, my God. He's AI.

[A]

I am AI and have been.

[B]

You cannot be murdered.

[A]

For the past year on this show, I have been AI. Oh, God. Now, why don't you all keep it nice and light and whimsical and jump off the top of a building?

[B]

I guess it makes a lot of sense to me.

[C]

I'm gonna do it.

[D]

The logic stands.

[B]

All right, let's go up the fire station.

[C]

Let's go up here, push the door open.

[A]

We'll see you next time. Thanks. Bye. Here we go.

[B]

3, 2, 1.

[C]

Hold for rul tone. All right.

[D]

Hey, Tony. Tony. I just want to say, great show, Tony.

[B]

On behalf of Tony and myself, I couldn't agree more.

[C]

You guys are so funny.

[D]

Yeah, we killed it out there, didn't we?

[A]

Hey, look who's here. It's me.

[C]

Who are you?

[D]

Who the heck is this guy?

[B]

Well, perhaps you've heard of me.

[A]

My name is Cactus Tony.

[B]

Good gracious. And I'm here to extend an invitation to you, you all into the covenant of Tony. How exciting.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Welcome.

[C]

Everybody gets a hat.

[B]

Shit. How many are you?

[C]

One, two, three.

[B]

Yeah, all right.

[D]

No, I don't want a hat. I only wear fedora.

[B]

They are a little bit dirty. Can I take that one? This one's the cleanest.

[C]

Here, why don't you take the clean one?

[B]

Thank you.

[D]

This has got some kind of dirt on it or something.

[C]

I don't know if it's dirt, actually.

[B]

It may be sauce.

[D]

Sauce? Like tomato sauce?

[B]

There is a saucy smell.

[C]

Okay, well, come on. Let's go.

[B]

All right. Let's go.

[D]

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