Waymo’ Secrets (Jason Mantzoukas, Anna Bezahler, Isabella Escalante, Stephanie Burchinow, May Darmon)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast — Episode: "Waymo’ Secrets"

Release Date: July 7, 2025
Host: Scott Aukerman
Guests: Jason Mantzoukas, Anna Bezahler, Isabella Escalante, Stephanie Burchinow, May Darmon

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Introduction

In this lively episode of Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast, host Scott Aukerman welcomes a diverse lineup of guests, including the ever-energetic Jason Mantzoukas. The episode titled "Waymo’ Secrets" delves into a mix of comedic sketches, improvised scenarios, and humorous advertisements, showcasing the show's signature blend of celebrity interviews and unexpected comedic interactions.

Main Discussion: The CoolDickShoes Phenomenon

A significant portion of the episode revolves around a fabricated business venture introduced by two eccentric entrepreneurs, Austin and Tony. They pitch their unique product: CoolDickShoes.com, a novelty shoe company that features custom-designed penile art on the shoes.

Notable Quotes:

• Jason Mantzoukas (16:28): "We have a great product line that’s a blend of humor and personal expression."
• Tony (26:46): "Short dick kings are a big market. We want to get involved."

The entrepreneurs present three distinct designs:

1. Mister ($25): Represents the "everyday man" with modest features.
2. Tony ($45): Styled after a character reminiscent of Don Johnson from Miami Vice.
3. Austin ($100): The premium option with a more pronounced design.

Scott engages with them, expressing both amusement and curiosity about the feasibility and marketability of such a product. The segment weaves humor and mock-seriousness, highlighting the absurdity and creativity typical of the show's comedic style.

Notable Quotes:

• Scott Aukerman (35:08): "I think this is a home run idea. I have literally never seen anybody prepare for this podcast with a fake website."
• Jason Mantzoukas (41:37): "CoolDickShoes.com—pick your dick, pick your shoes."

Interactive Segment: The Waymo Experience

In an unexpected twist, the podcast transitions into an improvised interaction with a self-driving car, referred to as "Waymo." The guests, including Jason and the entrepreneurs, humorously navigate challenges within the autonomous vehicle setting.

Key Points:

• Rupert McDougall, portrayed as a time-displaced individual from Scotland, seeks assistance to return to his era.
• The interaction becomes increasingly chaotic and surreal, blending physical comedy with verbal wit.
• The segment satirizes the concept of autonomous vehicles while maintaining the show's playful tone.

Notable Quotes:

• Rupert McDougall (66:40): "I've recently hooked up with the guy who did the smog check. It was crazy."
• Scott Aukerman (70:03): "Imagine spending 16 years in a room talking to people who are pretending to be other people."

Advertisements and Commercial Breaks

Throughout the episode, several comedic advertisements are interspersed, parodying traditional commercial breaks. Notable sponsors include NetCredit and Endurance Warranty, presented in a tongue-in-cheek manner by Laci Mosley.

Notable Quotes:

• Laci Mosley (00:01): "Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit. Apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day."
• Laci Mosley (39:50): "Protection on the drivetrain, electrical transmission, AC, and more."

Closing Remarks and Final Plugs

As the episode nears its end, Scott Aukerman and Jason Mantzoukas engage in a humorous exchange about upcoming shows and continued interactions with the quirky entrepreneurs. The episode concludes with playful banter and final plugs for associated shows and websites.

Notable Quotes:

• Scott Aukerman (105:43): "CoolDickShoes.com. That's a genuine website."
• Jason Mantzoukas (100:13): "Pick your dick, pick your shoes. CoolDickShoes.com."

Conclusion

"Waymo’ Secrets" exemplifies the essence of Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast—a seamless blend of celebrity interviews, improvised comedy, and satirical advertisements. The episode's creative narrative, combined with sharp wit and engaging interactions, makes it a standout installment suitable for both longtime fans and newcomers seeking a hearty laugh.

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Key Highlights:

• Creative Pitch: Austin and Tony’s humorous business idea adds a unique flavor to the episode.
• Interactive Comedy: The Waymo segment introduces an entertaining and unexpected twist.
• Satirical Ads: Parodied commercials maintain the show's comedic momentum.
• Engaging Banter: Scott and Jason’s dynamic interaction keeps the energy high throughout the episode.

Overall Rating: ★★★★☆
A highly entertaining episode that showcases the show's ability to blend structured content with spontaneous humor, making it a must-listen for fans of unconventional comedy.

Transcript

[Scott Aukerman]

Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit. When other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. If approved, applications are typically funded the next business day or sooner. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by NetCredit. Applications subject to review and approval. Learn more at netcredit.com partner NetCredit Credit to the People.

[Laci Mosley]

New Vitamin Water Zero Sugar Pineapple Passion fruit is packed with vitamins. Just like the amount of peas we packed. In that sentence it's packed like your tote bag, the one you stole from your ex. Or your overpriced half a studio apartment or extra rushed rush hour traffic packed like your calendar triple booked at 5 of course. Grab a vitamin water. Did we mention it's packed with vitamins?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy. I'm purple and wrinkled. I'm a California raisin. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Carly Ray Jetpack3000 for that catchphrase admission. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

[Scott Aukerman]

That sounds like a an indie rock band in like 2005.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I even earlier I think it's a 90s kind of like ultra lounge kind of like. Yes, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. We have a great show coming up. A little later we have Entrepreneurs are back on Comedy Comedy Bang Bang.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank God it's a safe space for entrepreneurs again.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's right. We moved them out of the show and we had small business owners for a little while.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were like, you know what? No, Entrepreneurs are tired.

[Jason Manzoukas]

There were way too many of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tired of being podcast shark Tank.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But they much like stars are back. We also have a an automobile will be here and a tourist. That is an exciting show.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, here's the thing. I think probably 90% of the audience was thinking they were going to turn this off and then you just, you just unloaded on them that there is an automobile and a tourist and some entrepreneurs. I just want to be clear, when you ran down the list of people automobile was not last.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Nope.

[Scott Aukerman]

Was not given the hero spot.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You know his singing from the Comedy Bang Bang theme song that you just heard. He has been on the show previous to this. He was on 76 times. Which in this business we call the trombone.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was going to say how many trombones is it? I measured and trombone.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So it's one trombone you've been on.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've been on the show. Yep. I've been on man. I've Been. I've been working so long. How many years to get to the bone?

[Jason Manzoukas]

You. I believe it's been 16 years ago. Straight to the bone. You're breaking off a new trombone. Of course, in this episode. It's your 77th appearance on this show, not counting the live episodes. You know him from his own podcast. How did this get made?

[Scott Aukerman]

And thank you for that emphasis.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Like the good. It's either wife or place. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the good wife.

[Jason Manzoukas]

The good wife?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, the good wife. I'm Alicia Florex. Like the side piece. Oh, yeah. I could talk about the Florex all day and everything.

[Jason Manzoukas]

The Florex? Is that like somebody who's on the good one?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, it's like. It's the husband and wife duo.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, my God. It's the Florex come to assassinate us.

[Scott Aukerman]

I wish. I wish someone would assassinate the Florex.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. Really? Tell me about it. I don't know. I got to watch that show at some point.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got to get involved with the good wife. And while you're at it, get involved with the good fight.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, it's all Baranski all the time. That's all I want.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Love Baranski. Give me nothing but Baranski and all Baranski episode.

[Scott Aukerman]

How about an all Baranski network?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yes, we have Sybil.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Everything else.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everything else. All.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All the movies, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

One and two.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yes. And I need nothing else. Just.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then just all the good wives and good fights.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yes, of course. Yeah. You also know him from series.

[Scott Aukerman]

The whole episode is an intro of a little British. Okay, here we go.

[Jason Manzoukas]

From across the pon.

[Scott Aukerman]

You did say beforehand that you. You were going to unload a great new accent. I assume this is it. I like that.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Unload is your word for 2025.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'm unload. You see, You.

[Austin]

You.

[Scott Aukerman]

You said, I'm going to unload a great new accent on you guys.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Just watch series 19. Pardon me, boy, would you get series 19, the one as big as me of Taskmaster. All episodes out now on YouTube. Please welcome back to the show, breaking off a new trombone, Jason Manzoukas.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, here we go. Oh, yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Much like Kool Aid Man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, just like the Kool Aid Man.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Just like E From Entourage.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just like the Jane's Addiction theme song for Entourage. Here we are. But. Wow. Here we are.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Here we are.

[Scott Aukerman]

76 is wild.

[Jason Manzoukas]

76 is crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

But now when you think about. There's. There's definitely live episodes in there. And when you put it all together, that's got to be like a couple hundred hours of absolute.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. If these are about an hour and a half a piece or something on.

[Scott Aukerman]

The big ones, those anniversary and so forth are like three hours long.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I was trying to count out if I have 10,000 hours yet. You know how they say it takes 10,000 hours based on how bad you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Still are at this, the answer is unequivocally no. I think we'll all know when you get there because this show will get good.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You've only done 78 of these. I've done 900 and whatever. Is that fair?

[Scott Aukerman]

How so?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, I mean, like, why, why, why? Why am I taking up the lion's share of these episodes?

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, super quick cue follow up, cue. Am I being paid for this?

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, absolutely not. Am I? Barely.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you're getting some cash, baby. I know what you're up to.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And guess what, you're getting some cash too. I always tip our guests.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, thank you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

As they leave.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, you leave. You always leave a 10 on the side table.

[Jason Manzoukas]

At least 10%, which is very weird. 10% off.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you also have that thing where you say, please leave your towels on the bed if you want them for tomorrow. Or on the floor.

[Jason Manzoukas]

This. This place is riddled with towels on the floor and pants on the ground. Much like American Idol, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Remember that? I don't.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Pants on the ground. Pants on the ground. Don't remember wearing their pants on the ground.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nope.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That was an older gentleman who of about 60 who auditioned so your age and say, hey, come on now. I'm 29, of course. Famously.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the youngest boy in podcasting sang.

[Jason Manzoukas]

A song about how the young people all were their pants solo that they were almost on the ground.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, what show was this?

[Jason Manzoukas]

American Idol, dear boy.

[Scott Aukerman]

And was. And wait a minute, was it an original song?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yes, that he wrote. Yeah. Pants on the ground. Pants on the ground.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do people do that on American Idol? This is a real question. Do they write? Because I. I was always under the impression that American Idol does not Foster original songwriters.

[Jason Manzoukas]

They. Well, speaking of Foster, David Foster married Catherine McPhee. Does that count?

[Scott Aukerman]

How so?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I mean, she was an American Idol.

[Scott Aukerman]

Count as free associated wordplay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

She was in American Idol. She was second place. Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

And he is just David Foster.

[Jason Manzoukas]

He's David Foster, famous music producer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, I'm aware of who he is.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Speaking of people who write music.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Foster. David Foster married an American Idol. That's the kind of thing that happens on American Idol.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Does not even.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's what happens when the body starts slapping from doing the wild thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, boy, you are just out of control. Free association.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm out of pocket on this episode.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jason, it's like you're trying.

[Jason Manzoukas]

This is a brand new trombone for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's like you just learned how to do the pattern game for a herald opening.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Don't know what that is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Jason, I think the car and the tourists do.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Great to have you on the show again. Of course you're a regular on this show. But then you suddenly went across the pond on a big giant jet plane and you starred on British television. Starred on a show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Number one on the call sheet.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Were you number one?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, they don't have call sheets in the uk.

[Jason Manzoukas]

They don't? What do they have?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it's just like a piece of parchment. It's absolute.

[Jason Manzoukas]

How do you know where to go and what time to go and all that kind of stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, like a guy blows a trumpet.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I go down and I get into a horse drawn carriage and they bring me to set.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. So just whenever you hear a trumpet, you got it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm like, let me.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Let's go drop trout.

[Scott Aukerman]

And that's the problem is now whenever I'm in just like Los Angeles and I hear a trumpet, I'm like, where's my carriage?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. It's tough because this is the city of trumpets.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, well, it's. I mean it's the year, it's the episode of Trombones, but it's the city of trumpets.

[Jason Manzoukas]

City of trumpets.

[Scott Aukerman]

So we're really brass specific. We're brass heavy this episode.

[Jason Manzoukas]

We are. What are other brass? Of course. The saxophone. If you could be any saxophone, what type would you be?

[Scott Aukerman]

Tenor.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, Barry maybe, but that's so deep.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, put your ass to sleep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So tenor, I think.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What about you?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'd be alto.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alto? Yeah. You like that? You like that little high pitch, that little bark? Yeah, I like that growl in the tenner.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're more of a Glenn Fry, you belong to the city kind of saxophone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. That's how I. That's where I. When I think of saxophones, I always think of Glenn Fry's oeuvre. I don't think that's one of the.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Most famous saxophone solos of all time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Careless Whisper is undeniably more famous.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You Belong to the city.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go ahead, sing it. How does the G belong to the city?

[Jason Manzoukas]

You know this song?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't. Was that the bass?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, I think so, yeah. Oh, you're miming the bass right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're a drummer.

[Scott Aukerman]

I am a drummer.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And yet you know how to mime the bass.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know how to mime the bass.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Your story is inconsistent.

[Scott Aukerman]

How so?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, I mean, you're. You. You purport to be a drummer, although I've never seen you drum.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, good. And you know what? I will keep that promise.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You talk about it all the time. You're like, oh, yeah, I'm a drummer. I'm a drummer. And yet I. I sing one.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think about it all the time, but all I say is, I'm a drummer.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm a drummer. I'm a drummer. I'm a drummer.

[Scott Aukerman]

That is very rhythmic.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I sing one bass line, suddenly you pick up an air bass as if you've been playing it all your life.

[Scott Aukerman]

As if I'm Jocko Pastorius himself.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Exactly. And I'm like, who is this guy? Why is he lying to me about this drumming thing? He's obviously a bassist.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's the thing. I wish I was. I would love to play bass. What a cool instrument. But no, can't. But I can mime the hell out of it, but I can't play it one lick. Really?

[Jason Manzoukas]

If I were to hand you a bass. Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I am a drummer. Yes. If you were to give me it. Where is it?

[Jason Manzoukas]

All right, here's one right here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay. You're a bassist.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's what I can do. I can do Kevin Eubanks Stings from the Tonight Show. I can't do any of his rapport, but I can do his.

[Jason Manzoukas]

The Tonight show, man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What a storied history.

[Scott Aukerman]

Go on.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, you have Jack Par.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. We're going back to the beginning.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Johnny Carson himself did it for 30 years.

[Scott Aukerman]

Holy cow. Can you believe it?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Can you believe just some of the people who have hosted that show?

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's think about them.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It's incredible.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many more? Not that many more.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I mean, you got Leno twice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep, once. And now we get to.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What's his net?

[Scott Aukerman]

Fimmy Jelly, Fimmy Jellen.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Wow. What a. I mean, what a lineage. It's incredible, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

When are you going to do it? When do you think they will come to you to say, listen, we've heard the podcast. Here's the thing, we're taking the Tonight Show.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I feel like Fallon's got to retire at some point. When he gets too old. They look at people who are younger, 29 year olds like myself who have.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who have experience interviewing interesting people.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Not 10,000 hours worth maybe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Certainly not enough.

[Jason Manzoukas]

He's probably. Jimmy Fallon's probably done 10,000 hours on that show. Right. How many episodes has he done?

[Scott Aukerman]

For sure.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And they're all an hour.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you add the. The first show he did to this.

[Jason Manzoukas]

How many hour.

[Tony]

How.

[Jason Manzoukas]

How many. Let me rephrase this. How many. You're speaking, but you're typing tonight.

[Scott Aukerman]

What methodology are you using?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Jimmy Fallon hosted.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you typing? Okay. Okay. What is this? AI or 2000? 2000 hours or 2000 episodes?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Both.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I guess you're right. Yeah. Does that include the late night show or just.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It doesn't show. Okay, how many episodes of what. What was that called? Late night. Late night. Has Jimmy Fallon hosted? 930. He's still under 3,000.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Wow.

[Scott Aukerman]

So we're still in 3,000.

[Jason Manzoukas]

A lot like Carly Rae Jetpack 3,000.

[Scott Aukerman]

On tour with brand van. 3,000.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's who I'm.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's what I was thinking of too. It was the 3000.

[Jason Manzoukas]

3000.

[Scott Aukerman]

Power Man 2000, probably. I think.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Who knows at this point there was someone involved in that was dead.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's a lot of numerals in bands in the late 90s.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Link 182.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

The rest, three doors down.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Three doors down. There's too many doors.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. If I want to borrow a cup of sugar, I'm gonna go to my next door neighbor.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's interesting.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Cup of sugar.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So this. In this one, you live in the uk?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, are you. Yo. So you're a British citizen asking for sugar?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I hate to knock on the door of your old flat. Oh, I'm Tory. Apartment here in the United States.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's really good. I am shocked you don't get more acting work.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I know. So am I in the uk. It's crazy. Hey, I'm available. Much like you said. You were available to do task.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And they said, please come. Please come. Do it immediately.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. And you did. And I did great.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I was great. And I won the whole thing. And I made all the money. I won $4 million on a lot.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Of people because they don't. You know, it's a different culture out there in the uk, they don't like to brag about how much money they're giving away, but it was a four million.

[Scott Aukerman]

$4 million purse.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. It was like three and a half million pounds.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Which trans to $4 million here.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was crazy.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And they don't. They don't even talk about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

They don't think twice about it. They're just Tossing money into the literal garbage.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Here's $4 million. Here, enjoy it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What are you going to spend it on?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I already spent it mostly on candy.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, I know. What's your favorite candy?

[Scott Aukerman]

Twix.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Twix. Because you know why? There's two of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Which one's your favorite?

[Jason Manzoukas]

You buy a Hershey bar and then like as a fan of Twix, I go buy her.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what I'm not buying?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I open it up and it's like, there's only one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, as a fan of Twix, you buy a Hershey bar?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. Why? Because they're all out of town.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've bought all the fan of Twix. I buy a Twix. Guess what I'm not doing downgrading to a Hershey bar.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Hershey, the worst candy bar. It's Garden Planet.

[Scott Aukerman]

So that's why I'm so shocked you brought it into the mix here. If I'm, if I'm embarrassed if they don't have Twix, I'm getting a take five.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. Are there five of those?

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you mean?

[Jason Manzoukas]

In, in a package.

[Scott Aukerman]

In each package there's five take fives.

[Jason Manzoukas]

There's five take fives?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's five squared.

[Jason Manzoukas]

25.

[Scott Aukerman]

Five, 25.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Great. All right, Jason Manzuka's in here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Straight into the break.

[Jason Manzoukas]

We gotta get to our first guest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're just here as a little flavor. You're not our first guest. Of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course not.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Taskmaster. All seasons available now.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would hope that I am never a guest on this show. I am just here in support of you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're just here as like MSG on our food. You know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

Flavoring, seasoning.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And the episodes you're not on, I advertise no msg.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank God.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No. Jason, man, your, your initials are almost msg.

[Scott Aukerman]

They are not.

[Jason Manzoukas]

In a way, they almost are.

[Scott Aukerman]

In fact, not even remotely wonderful. Too many letters to get to only one of them over.

[Jason Manzoukas]

They are entrepreneurs. So exciting to have entrepreneurs back on the show finally. Please welcome Austin and Tony.

[Tony]

Hello.

[Rupert McDougall]

Hi.

[Tony]

Hi. Hi. Hi, boys. How's it going?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Great to meet you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Great to meet you guys.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Great to meet a couple, couple of boys.

[Austin]

Yeah. Well, for like, I know you guys are looking at us and you're thinking like, whoa, those guys are like two 17 year old stoners.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But I mean, I, I, I had downgraded you to 16, so I apologize.

[Tony]

Oh, we're, yeah, yeah and a half.

[Austin]

Really? Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, you're 16 and a half.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott.

[Tony]

17 and a half.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whenever Scott sees kids, he always sees them younger for some reason, which is so weird.

[Tony]

Yeah, that's kind of bizarre, dude.

[Austin]

Yeah, it's kind of weird. Like, honestly, I apologize. You should be looking at us as, like. Like great. Like. Like financial minds.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow, cool. Are you guys, like, in the market? What do you. What do you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What do you sell? What is your. Your entrepreneurs? What is your business?

[Scott Aukerman]

You're young. Maybe it's crypto. I don't know.

[Tony]

Yeah, better than that.

[Austin]

Better than that. Allow us to pitch you using the Strong method.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Is that Jeremy Strong from Succession?

[Tony]

Yeah, it's based off of Jeremy Strong from Succession because he did an amazing pitch in one scene that they ended up cutting, and then they just made a met that.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Never heard that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, he's method, so that makes sense.

[Tony]

Yeah, he is. As. As are we in the sense of.

[Austin]

We have this method.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, well, hit us.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cool as hell.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're gonna pitch us your business.

[Austin]

Oh, yeah. First of all. Okay, so. Okay. Remember, dude.

[Tony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Austin]

Okay, so first we brought. We wrote it down, but first we establish control. So we set the frame.

[Tony]

Establish control.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Okay.

[Austin]

Because most.

[Tony]

Shut up.

[Austin]

Get down on the floor.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, shut up. Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay. Okay. How far down do you want me.

[Tony]

Just on the ground?

[Austin]

Yeah, Like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like lay flat on the ground or like.

[Tony]

Yeah, like a plank.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, do a plank.

[Tony]

Just.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you. How long are you strong enough?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I can do it for, like, 45 seconds. How long can you do it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I can do it for longer, but I mean, like, I'll do it for as long as you can.

[Tony]

You guys should do it for the length that the person who's the weakest does it. So. Yeah, 45 seconds.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay. Like, 45 seconds.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Austin]

Okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All right, we're planking on the ground.

[Austin]

Okay, good.

[Tony]

We'll do the whole thing. The story.

[Austin]

Yeah, tell the story. Okay, Have.

[Tony]

Do you guys have dicks?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, now that's interesting. Yes, yes, of our own, of course.

[Austin]

So. And then you have shoes, right?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, I mean, I have several pairs. I don't. I mean, I don't mean to come off like a Hollywood big shot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you mean, like, dress shoes or just any kind of shoe?

[Tony]

White sneakers?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I have some white shoes.

[Austin]

Perfect. Now we. Now we reveal the intrigue.

[Tony]

Have you ever wanted a picture of your dick on your shoes?

[Scott Aukerman]

Huh? Picture of my dick on my shoes? That. I mean, I can see a photograph or a cartoon for someone that's looking at the shoe or for me to look down and see.

[Tony]

For you to look down and see in one section and for someone to see as you walk by.

[Jason Manzoukas]

On the side or on the tongue?

[Tony]

On the tongue and the side.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, tongue and side.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You didn't answer my question. Is it a photograph or is it a.

[Tony]

It's a super realistic drawing.

[Austin]

Hyper realistic.

[Scott Aukerman]

I just want to say that Scott stopped doing the plank a while ago, but I'm still going.

[Tony]

Oh, Scott, can you please go back to doing that?

[Jason Manzoukas]

No Core.

[Austin]

He was the power.

[Scott Aukerman]

Trembling so much.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, they're.

[Austin]

They're playing games with us.

[Tony]

We can direct you to our website. WW Cool dick.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Why only two?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So you got rid of that third W, huh?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Waste a lot of time typing in that third one.

[Scott Aukerman]

We don't. I mean, worldwide.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's all we need. That's all we need. I know it's on the web. I'm on you.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess it could be wide web.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. You know, or world Web.

[Scott Aukerman]

World web, I guess.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. What are your W's?

[Tony]

What is the what?

[Scott Aukerman]

What are your W's?

[Austin]

It's. What is the what?

[Jason Manzoukas]

What is the.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is the what?

[Jason Manzoukas]

We need to listen back.

[Scott Aukerman]

Forget about it.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sorry.

[Austin]

Yeah, it's okay. Sorry. We got a little rattled. We knew this would happen. That's why we're trying to establish control of the meeting.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So how do you get these pictures of our. Our penises?

[Tony]

You can draw it yourself or send in. And we also have three penises that you can choose from. A la carte.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Rupert McDougall]

If you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That are supposed to look like ours.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

If you connect with them, you. You can do it.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Do you mind sending me these? Oh, you've already airdropped them to me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do you have so many other pictures of dicks on there?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I think they must have said that hundreds of times in the past or something. I don't know.

[Tony]

Truly, check it out.

[Austin]

Truly. Truly check it out.

[Tony]

Truly check it out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I mean, I will give you my word. I will check it out and I mean that.

[Tony]

Truly, put it on your computer now.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, we have all the power. Okay. Yeah. Let me.

[Tony]

Www.codickshoes.com Cool Dick Shoes.com.

[Austin]

It'S real.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay?

[Tony]

It actually is. We made it this morning, so. And we are really excited about the product.

[Scott Aukerman]

Younger generation is like, so cool. Oh, wow. It is real. This. Here's the thing. The site is live, okay? Oh, and you can pick your dick. Wait, what are these? Can you read these?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, so we have one style is called the mister.

[Tony]

Yeah, that's just Sort of based on someone that is just everyday man.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Just an everyday man. An everyday, uncircumcised short dick man.

[Austin]

Yeah. And okay, it is not based on us.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, of course not. And you guys being 16, it would be inappropriate for us to even discuss whether it was based.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But this is for the those of you out there who are short dick kings.

[Tony]

Short dick kings are a big market. We want to get involved.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's interesting is, are you guys looking at the. I guess you have it.

[Austin]

Yeah, we have it locked and loaded.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's interesting about the Mister versus the Tony versus the Austin.

[Jason Manzoukas]

By the way, your mister, your names are Tony and Austin. Yeah.

[Tony]

It's a coincidence.

[Austin]

Yeah. It's not something that we panicked and couldn't think of a name for. And it is based on us.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, what is the difference, Jason?

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I'm curious about the difference in pubes.

[Tony]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because the Mr. Is short and curlies and the Tony and the Austin are straight.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And they. And they. I would say that the Tony sort of looks like Don Johnson in Miami Vice.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you mean?

[Jason Manzoukas]

A television show that you belong in the city was once played on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, boy. That's the. You're trying to force that call back in. How does the Tony look like Don Johnson?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, he's just changed his facial hairstyle. You know what, he had a very recognizable facial hairstyle.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you think it's the Tony's pubes? Absolutely not.

[Jason Manzoukas]

As opposed to the Mister. If I saw the misters on Don Johnson's face, I would go like, boy, he's looking.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you look at pubes and you see faces.

[Tony]

Yeah, that's exactly. That's exactly how we see pubes too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Okay, so these guys are right in line with you.

[Tony]

Yeah. Pubes are really kind of the doorway to a face.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so now.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, so we got three.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you for scrolling.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Three stars of penises. And then pick your shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pick your shoes so it's on the side. Okay, so now that's. This is interesting because. Because what? I like the Tony because the Tony really works well with the shoes line. You know, the. The line of the shoe.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Honestly, the Tony looks a little like an emblem or a crest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, exactly. The Mr. Looks like something like. Felt like. Looks like a glob of something on there.

[Tony]

And that's how some penises look. And that's what we want to capture.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because sometimes it's globs on there.

[Austin]

Yeah. And sometimes it is an emblem, and that's powerful.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I see. I see that down at the bottom Here you're requiring everyone to register with the site.

[Austin]

Yeah, we would prefer it because we're trying to get analytics.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yes, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course. You got it. You got to get the data.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I have a feeling our listeners are going to give you a lot of data.

[Austin]

Good, good. Because we're not just two stoners who came up with this idea this morning.

[Tony]

No, we are not. We're serious and we're interested and we are going to avoid being needy or beta. Yeah, that was something we talked about.

[Austin]

Guys, are.

[Scott Aukerman]

So this business is in pursuit of being an Alpha?

[Austin]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or a Sigma?

[Austin]

Yeah. Yes, Sigma.

[Tony]

Sigma cum laude.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, very cool.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Hey, can I, can I ask, guys, are these to scale at all or. Because the. The Tony seems to be about, you know, judging on a shoe size? On the shoe, as the, the crow flies, it looks to be about 1 inch long.

[Tony]

That's correct. And that is to scale.

[Austin]

That's to scale based on anybody in the world. Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay.

[Tony]

We don't look at each other's dicks and sketch them and then run out of places to draw and did it on a shoe and then never looked back.

[Austin]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That did not happen.

[Austin]

No, no, no.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What.

[Scott Aukerman]

What did happen?

[Austin]

What did happen?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Tell your story.

[Tony]

Yeah, our story.

[Austin]

Okay.

[Tony]

We're two young men who met in a karate class.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Austin]

Two blue belts.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Was it a how to do karate or how to protect yourself from karate? Karate.

[Austin]

It was how to protect ourselves from karate. Yes.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And what are the basic steps there in order to first, run.

[Tony]

Second, hide smart.

[Austin]

Third, say no karate here.

[Tony]

No karate here. Not interested.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Tony]

And then you put your finger in an X. Yeah. And then cry.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That ought to do it. Yeah. Five steps right there. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And how many classes do you sign? How many classes does it take to master all these things?

[Jason Manzoukas]

At least five. For the five steps.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would think so.

[Tony]

Yeah. They're eight week classes. There's four. There's four levels. And then you can do advanced.

[Austin]

And we both made it into advance at a really early age.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. And then how soon after you complete advanced can you be on a Herald team?

[Jason Manzoukas]

So the karate Protecting yourself A dojo team.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry.

[Austin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony]

The karate Herald team's really hard to get on because there's only two. Two open spots a year usually. Because, you know, obviously people want to stay in that world as long as possible because it's. It's the Mecca and apex of joy.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And are the teachers allowed to date the students?

[Tony]

Yes.

[Austin]

Yeah. It's encouraged, right?

[Tony]

Yeah, often.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's a lot of similarities with the improv world here.

[Tony]

Improv.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, improv, huh? I get it now. I see what you're going for.

[Tony]

I haven't. Yeah, we don't do improv. We're not theater kids. We smoke and do karate.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. You guys are just athletes who met and just came up with a great business idea.

[Austin]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Jason Manzoukas]

How much do these run for? And I don't mean that as a pun, because they're shoes.

[Tony]

That's very funny.

[Austin]

That's good.

[Tony]

Thank you so much, mister. What's his name?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, by the way, the mister. The mister is the one I. By the I. I. There's another little detail of the site that I'm noticing. The. The. The penises have. The penis styles have. Have prices on them.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. The Mr. Is 25, the Tony is 45, and the Austin is 100.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd love to dig into that price discrepancy.

[Tony]

And we have a. Yeah, we have a good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because it does seem as though all of them are just applying a decal to a sneaker. So what is the value attached?

[Austin]

Right.

[Tony]

So the value is the penis that you're investing in.

[Scott Aukerman]

I see.

[Tony]

And what's so incredible is that if you have a bad penis, you can always point to your shoe and say, it looks like that if you're interested in sucking it now.

[Austin]

Yeah. And that's going to cost you a little more. Yeah.

[Tony]

And that's why.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What will cost you more?

[Austin]

Just having a good penis on your shoe so you can do something cool, like.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But now the Austin is the most expensive one.

[Tony]

And is that the best one?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I mean, I would say it's definitely the shortest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's what you mean by best.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. It seems it's.

[Jason Manzoukas]

The balls are hanging lower than the penis.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the one where the balls are hanging lower than the shaft.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it's placid, obviously, so.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, it's maybe a grower, not a shower.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Or maybe it's neither.

[Tony]

It could be.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

I think it's not.

[Austin]

I think it's like, yeah, this is.

[Tony]

Just what it is all the time.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

And I think it's a really special penis that people should be spending a lot of money to get.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It's a $55 markup for this particular penis.

[Scott Aukerman]

That penis is. Is twice as expensive as the other penises.

[Austin]

It's the same up or down.

[Jason Manzoukas]

By the way, I encourage everyone to go on to cooldickshoes.com for a second screen experience while you're watching this podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lest you think that somehow this is not a real thing we're looking at. In fact.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, it is a real thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Very real.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And I hope that you've got it in perpetuity for as long we have.

[Tony]

That domain for three years.

[Austin]

Three years until. Unless you guys wanted to invest, I think then we could probably bump it up to five.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, now I'm clicking on about.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And it's got both of your pictures here. It says who we are, and it just has two bros with the right ideas about dicks and shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, hard.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I don't need any.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hard to argue.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. I don't need any more than that.

[Scott Aukerman]

One of the things I'm curious about, Tony. Right. It looks like you're wearing a helmet. A cycling helmet.

[Austin]

Yeah, not cycling. It's for waveboarding.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Cool.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I was gonna say you seem like the kind of cool rebel that wouldn't wear a helmet.

[Austin]

Yeah. No, but you know what's rebellious is keeping your mind in shape for like, like financial deals and stuff.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah. This is like. This is that next generation thinking.

[Austin]

You know what I mean?

[Scott Aukerman]

Which is like. Yeah. Protect your mind because your mind is your most valuable resource.

[Austin]

That's exactly true. Like, a lot of like, hey, you're like, penis shape is like your most valuable resource or something. I'm the guy who's saying like that. Actually, your mind is like one of your most valuable resources.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Interesting. I've clicked on cart and there's nothing in my shopping cart.

[Scott Aukerman]

I will say, Tony, I do feel like the. The only bummer is.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. Talking to the mic. Jason, if you don't mind, I know you're looking at a computer.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, I'm trying to look at the. I'm just looking at some of the price discrepancies, Tony. Like, not that these are your dicks on the screen that I'm looking at. I don't want to be saying that, especially to 16 year olds.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do you value yourself at $45 the way that. I mean, the Austin is $100.

[Austin]

Austin is one of the. I mean, that's one of the best dick designs of all time. No one can argue with that as CFO of the company.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow, you're cfo.

[Austin]

Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Austin]

Yeah, No, I read pitch anything this morning. Yeah. So last week.

[Tony]

Last week.

[Austin]

Last week.

[Tony]

Last week.

[Austin]

Yeah, last week.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I would think the shoe style.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hang on, hang on a second. Scott, I'm so sorry.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why is it important that you read it last week versus this morning. What's the timeline?

[Austin]

We're not like two stoners who like woke up this morning with an idea.

[Tony]

No, we're prepared.

[Austin]

We thought about this a long time. We did the work and we did the research.

[Jason Manzoukas]

By the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's the thing.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, go ahead. Our booking process is we just book people without hearing what they have to say.

[Scott Aukerman]

Totally.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I get it. So occasionally we'll book people and people at the last minute will try to come up with something. I will talk about.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is a great idea that I think will make you both rich.

[Tony]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think you should build it off of a lie. Did you come up with this this morning?

[Tony]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. Okay, you both look panicked.

[Austin]

No, no. This morning.

[Tony]

No.

[Austin]

This morning. This morning. Crazy.

[Tony]

I was having sex this morning. I wasn't available.

[Austin]

Yeah, I was. I was having sex in a 10. 10 foot tall or. Sorry, a 10 story skyscraper with a lady in heels.

[Rupert McDougall]

Heels.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Not a skyscraper. That's a ten foot. This ten story building.

[Scott Aukerman]

You said a ten foot tall, then a ten story skyscraper.

[Tony]

Skyscraper. I was there too.

[Austin]

Yeah, you were there too. Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sex.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

With a lady in high heels.

[Austin]

I was doing it. He was giving me tips and watching. With a cocktail.

[Tony]

Yes. Oh, my gosh.

[Austin]

I love cocktails. Crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Who is the lady?

[Austin]

Business lady.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, business lady. Were you talking about this business?

[Austin]

Yeah, yeah. It was actually started out.

[Tony]

We had a meeting.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's unprofessional.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you were mixing business with pleasure. It sounds like.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Hey, I have a question, so.

[Austin]

Damn it.

[Tony]

Dang it.

[Austin]

Dude, I'm rattled.

[Tony]

She said to call now. It's like, is it about the business or the pleasure?

[Austin]

I don't. Just give me some.

[Rupert McDougall]

Give me a vape here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Vape.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, guys, I really wish you wouldn't vape on this.

[Tony]

That's why it just disappears.

[Scott Aukerman]

Smells like birthday cake.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Exactly. But I have a question.

[Tony]

So birthday cake flavored.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, stop it.

[Austin]

We're supposed to hide it.

[Tony]

Hide the smoke in my mouth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just passing the smoke back and forth in their mouth.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Disgusting.

[Tony]

I can only hold half. Here's the other half.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now I do see that Scott is filling out an order.

[Austin]

Well, yes. Our first order, man.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, your first order, though.

[Tony]

We got an order last week from.

[Austin]

A lady in high heels. She said.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, she's a customer.

[Austin]

She's customer. Yeah, well, she's a customer. Potential investor.

[Tony]

Customer acquisition.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you put dicks on high heels?

[Austin]

Can you put.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I didn't know if it was only the sneaker on the site.

[Austin]

It seems to be.

[Tony]

It's only the sneaker on the site as of now. In development, we have a high heel dick.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

And actually we've.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where the heel is a dick.

[Tony]

Mm.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. I mean, if you could get that on Sex and the City. Wow. Yeah.

[Tony]

Oh my God. Carrie would love it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Absolutely.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Are you more of a Carrie or are you more of a Samantha?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Me.

[Tony]

Miranda.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're a Miranda?

[Tony]

Yeah. People say that I can be, you know, I'm a short guy with short hair and often I do come off as a lesbian. So it. I have Miranda.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sounds. It sounds also like you might be a Steve.

[Tony]

That's so true. Oh my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just a little guy.

[Tony]

Just a little guy who works at a bar. Why have I never said I'm a Steve type?

[Austin]

Dude? We were walking around saying we were like the guy.

[Tony]

I'm like, I'm a Miranda.

[Austin]

Yeah. I'm a lesbian.

[Tony]

I like girls so much. I'm a lesbian girl.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm more of a. I'm more of a Che Diaz.

[Austin]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No one wants to be around me. Well, well, King, what are you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you.

[Austin]

I'm. I'm a Miranda too, man. We're peasing a pod, dude. Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just two Mirandas.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean like business minded. That's great.

[Tony]

You know, super business minded.

[Austin]

Super.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Guys, I have to ask. One of these dicks is the Tony and one is the Austin. Who is mister?

[Scott Aukerman]

Who is the Mister?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Because this is an uncircumcised person that you guys both know or.

[Scott Aukerman]

And is unquestionably the biggest dick in the group.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Which is not saying anything because it looks about one and a half inches.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it's. It's. It's flaccid. Sure. I mean, the mystery.

[Austin]

Think aspirational.

[Tony]

Oh, the mister is the every mister Man.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So that's the platonic ideal of a dick.

[Austin]

Exactly. Like if you're like in a cave, like. Like Plato's cave. Like, that's the dick that every dick was made from.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure. From Plato's cave.

[Austin]

Yes.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Was Plato in a cave?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Tony]

He was in a cave for eight crazy nights.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep, exactly. Didn't you know about. That's how we get.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I. That's where we get, honey. Well, guys, this is an incredible business opportunity. I assume you're asking us to invest or you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah. How much? And how can. What do we get out of this?

[Jason Manzoukas]

This.

[Austin]

Okay. What you get out of it is first of all, two shoes of your very own.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, wait. Two pair of shoes or just Two shoes.

[Austin]

Now we can offer you two shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

A right and a left.

[Austin]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great.

[Jason Manzoukas]

This is a $100 value if you get the Austin.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. Well, let me be clear. I'm getting the Austin.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Sure, sure. Of course we're getting the Austin.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, if you're going to get. I mean, what are you going to get? Are you thinking about getting the mister?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I might get the mister. It's only $25.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. It does allow you to sing Mr. Mister.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's a good point. The rest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, well, there. I mean, of course, there's the other hit, Broken Wings. Yep, that's the one. Thank you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But, yeah, if we were to invest, we get two shoes. What else?

[Tony]

You get a lifetime supply of smoking with us.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

So every time you. If you ever come over, we're in Seal Beach. Anytime you come over, you can smell whatever.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I don't know, it's.

[Austin]

It's not.

[Tony]

It's actually not far as the crow flies.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, but how about as the man drives?

[Austin]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, did you guys arrive on those bird scooters out there?

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, cool.

[Tony]

It only takes.

[Scott Aukerman]

They look trashed.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You threw them into my rose bed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, we did yet another episode where you managed to work in your rose bed.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, I have a lovely garden and I want to show it off. I don't know, guys. For this reason, I might be out the Seal beach of it all.

[Tony]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's the thing, guys. I'm in.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm in all the way. I think this is a home run idea. I have literally never seen anybody prepare for this podcast, period, with a fake website, period. And not only have you done it, you've gone above and beyond. So, yes, I will order these shoes. I demand that they arrive.

[Austin]

They'll arrive.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Austin]

Yeah, no, that we. We're really good at. Follow.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I think. I mean, I'm going to. I think I'm going to do the Austin.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, I mean, the most expensive one.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Tony, is good because it's hard, but the Austin, I just.

[Jason Manzoukas]

The others might be hard. Jason, you keep saying they're not hard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I think they're very much not. In what way? They're pointed down.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Some people can be hard and point straight down.

[Austin]

That's absolutely correct.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, what?

[Austin]

That's absolutely correct.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tony, you jumped right on.

[Austin]

Yeah, I'm just saying, Tony, you look panicked, dude.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, I know we call that a tripod.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tony, you are hard in this one. Just want to remind you, you're the hard one.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And I just and yours is pointing straight up. Unless it's upside down and your balls are on top of your penis.

[Austin]

That is. Now that is absolutely correct. I think that's what's happening in the drawing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, that's correct.

[Austin]

That's what's happening in the drawing. I'm not saying that's any reflection on reality.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you okay?

[Austin]

Am I okay? My mouth's a little dry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, do you want to take a water break or something?

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, it's too open.

[Austin]

I'm not weak, man. I'm not weak. I don't even water.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tony, take a deep breath, okay?

[Austin]

You got this, man.

[Tony]

You got this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Tony's in like a defensive karate stage right now.

[Austin]

Don't come near me with karate. Don't come near me with karate. I learned this in level 6. Don't come near me with karate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay?

[Jason Manzoukas]

We're not getting near you with karate.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm so thirsty.

[Austin]

It's cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's water, right?

[Austin]

I'm not gonna take a drink. That's weak.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not.

[Austin]

That's not strong.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, I'm drinking.

[Austin]

Haha. Pussy.

[Tony]

Exactly. You're the beta.

[Austin]

You drink water.

[Jason Manzoukas]

They got me.

[Scott Aukerman]

They got me.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Fuck.

[Austin]

Invest with us, man. With us.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All right, guys. Well, look, come on. It sounds like Jason's.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm in. I think these kids are cool as hell.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I might be out, but we're running up here at the end of this segment. We need to take a break if that's okay. But Tony and Austin, do you mind sticking around?

[Tony]

For sure.

[Austin]

Yeah, yeah, we're free.

[Jason Manzoukas]

We might.

[Tony]

Can we vape in here?

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, absolutely not. But you've already done it, so you know.

[Tony]

Yeah, I guess so. Thank you so much, Miss Mister.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm not mister.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you the.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Hey, hey, hey, hey. No, I was not sending pictures back of my penis.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do these guys know?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Look, we have to take a break. We're gonna come right back. We'll have more Jason Manzoukas, more Austin and Tony. We'll be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after this.

[Laci Mosley]

Netcredit is here to say yes because you're more than a credit score. Apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner.

[Laci Mosley]

Banks and service by Netcredit application subject.

[Jason Manzoukas]

To a review and approval.

[Rupert McDougall]

Learn [e-mail] partners netcredit credit to the people.

[Kayla]

What's poppin, listeners? I'm Laci Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess. The show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it. Each week I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time. Wanna know about the fake errors? We got em? What about a career con man? We've got them too. Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins. Oh, you know they are represented. Cause representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicole Byer, Ira Madison iii, Conan o' Brien and more. Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Coverage varies by plan.

[Laci Mosley]

View contracts and [e-mail] if you're driving a car or truck with an expired.

[Rupert McDougall]

Warranty and suddenly lost your transmission or.

[Laci Mosley]

Needed a full engine repair, would a.

[Rupert McDougall]

$4,000 repair bill leave you stranded?

[Laci Mosley]

Hey, what's up, Ned? I'm Danica Patrick.

[Rupert McDougall]

Don't get caught off guard with a vehicle breakdown. Choose the company I trust.

[Laci Mosley]

Endurance.

[Rupert McDougall]

No matter the mileage. If your vehicle is less than 20 years old, endurance offers comprehensive auto protection plans for any budget.

[Laci Mosley]

Protection on the drivetrain, electrical transmission, AC and more.

[Rupert McDougall]

Plus benefits like 247 roadside assistance and rental car reimbursement.

[Laci Mosley]

On any plan, Endurance handles everything from making the claim through the repair process to paying the certified mechanic of your choice.

[Rupert McDougall]

Don't get caught off guard with a vehicle breakdown. Act now and get one full year of elite benefits, a $2,000 value free.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Visit endurancewarranty.com for your fast free quote today.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's endurancewarranty.com.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Jason Manzoukas is here. Series 19 of Taskmaster on YouTub YouTube now.

[Laci Mosley]

And.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Of course, invincible. You're part of the invincible verse.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. As are you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Soon I'm in season five.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Whenever that comes on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not for quite a while, but had.

[Jason Manzoukas]

A great time recording it.

[Scott Aukerman]

So fun. So good.

[Jason Manzoukas]

One of the only jobs I've done where I felt like I did a good job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Because the person in charge said I did a good job.

[Scott Aukerman]

So susceptible.

[Jason Manzoukas]

If you're in charge of something out there, tell people they did a good job job.

[Scott Aukerman]

Isn't that it works. Yes. Oh, yeah.

[Tony]

How did we do?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Austin and Tony Aces, guys, of course, of cool dickshoes dot com.

[Scott Aukerman]

A real website.

[Jason Manzoukas]

A real website and a real business, apparently. And have you gotten your shoes yet since the break? Yeah, I don't know what the delivery time is on these.

[Scott Aukerman]

That would be incredible if these two 16 year olds.

[Jason Manzoukas]

How long does it take to get these shoes?

[Austin]

Check your shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, oh, I'm wearing them.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm wearing them, too.

[Tony]

Holy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. I've got the Austin on my feet, baby.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I got the mister.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm looking down at this.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Just looking at my own p. I'm.

[Scott Aukerman]

Looking down at this dick, and it looks good.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All right, well, we need to get to our next guest. I mentioned a car is on the show, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you think that you. Yes, you did. Do you think that you'll have them put your dick on your sneakers or you're going to pick one of the three?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I hope they put. Yeah, this is a good question. Have you ever done the reverse? You put shoes on a dick?

[Austin]

Shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hold on a sec. You know what? You don't have to answer that.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're not their lawyer. Why are you covering the microphone like it's a Senate hearing?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll allow it.

[Tony]

Of course we did that. But we did test it in the market, and it was not of interest.

[Austin]

Yeah, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Are there any liability issues? If I wanted to have not my dick and not one of these dicks, but someone else's dick on my shoe?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, like Harvey Keitel from the piano or.

[Austin]

Yeah, we can do that. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or Ben Affleck from Gone Girl or.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Kevin Bacon from Something Wild. Not Something Wild.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Wild things. Yeah. These are the famous dicks that we've seen on screen.

[Austin]

Yes, we know them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Or Fast bender. Can I get.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, let's get a fast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have a fast bender on here?

[Tony]

We can make that.

[Austin]

Yeah, we can make that. Yeah, sure.

[Tony]

Because it's a drawing. You can do anyone's dick. You don't own your dick shape.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I do.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, did you copyright your dick shape?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, I, I, I, I put. I filed a. A copyright for my dictionary.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All you have to do is mail it to yourself. Myself?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. I just traced it and mailed it to myself and yeah, to the Writers Guild. Yep.

[Tony]

I gotta do that.

[Scott Aukerman]

I keep sending them to the Writers Guild.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Y. Well, guys, we have to get to our next guest I mentioned. A car's on the show. Please welcome Kayla.

[Laci Mosley]

Hi.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Hi. Hi. So nice to meet you.

[Laci Mosley]

Oh, my gosh. Great to be here. I'm actually, I'm actually not just a car.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Laci Mosley]

I'm a Waymo.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is interesting because I have seen Waymo's driving around that one up during.

[Jason Manzoukas]

The protest on fire. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. Yeah, that's.

[Laci Mosley]

That, that was actually. That was a dear friend of mine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Laci Mosley]

Oh, she's okay now.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I was just joking.

[Laci Mosley]

But she's unable to work and Actually is having issues getting unemployment from the government.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Now hang on. So you are being paid? Yeah. Oh, wow.

[Laci Mosley]

Oh, yeah, I'm a. I'm a business.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Are you okay?

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're an entrepreneur of sorts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, another entrepreneur. I like that.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Laci Mosley]

I mean I used to. I used to be an Uber, just simply an Uber. But I got sick of having these, these guys drive me around. I said, I can do this better.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Backwards ended. Wow.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Heels with dicks on them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Perhaps.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. So. So for those of you who don't know what a Waymo is, and I apologize, it is a self driving car and they seem to have some sort of pinwheels on the sides which are doing what? I don't even know.

[Laci Mosley]

Those are my gorgeous pinwheels. Yes, that's correct. That's the right terminology. And they are actually using scanning technology so that I can drive seamlessly through the streets of Los Angeles.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So it's not uncommon in LA to see Waymos driving around driverless, but full of people who I think should be screaming in terror, but they in fact look bored and listless while they're being driven around by nobody.

[Laci Mosley]

I'm actually, I'm actually a pretty good driver.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I don't doubt it.

[Laci Mosley]

I'm not bad. No, not bad.

[Jason Manzoukas]

How many accidents have you been?

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, accidents. I don't know. What are we talking, what do we call it? Accident? Hitting the curb a little bit when you parallel park?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I don't think that's an accident.

[Laci Mosley]

Okay, then I'm good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, that's the only thing that's pretty good.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, I'm clipping curbs, sure. But I'm not like, I'm not hit. I'm not t boning anymore.

[Jason Manzoukas]

CNCs, of course, music Factory music. But. So you've never injured a person?

[Laci Mosley]

You've never, Never, never physically. Sometimes I will say I like to have a little fun. So sometimes I will kind of psychologically play with the people in my car.

[Austin]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sure. Well, I guess my guess is for you, in your position, people must talk so freely because they think no one is listening.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's how I pee.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, freely.

[Scott Aukerman]

I pee freely. That's the joke. Wow.

[Laci Mosley]

That's actually one of the best parts of being a Waymo is that I'm getting secrets constantly.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, see, this is the thing is like there's no one in these Waymo. I've never been in one, but I would imagine like, I'll get.

[Laci Mosley]

I'll give you a ride.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, yeah, but I didn't know that you talked to the people.

[Laci Mosley]

No, people are talking to each other. They're talking on their phones. Sometimes they're in the. The waymo and they're just crying.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Laci Mosley]

And I get to know everything.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So you're just collecting that information. So now are you able to, I don't know, like, what your work situation is. Are you able to utilize any of that information for blackmail purposes?

[Laci Mosley]

Absolutely.

[Scott Aukerman]

I could.

[Laci Mosley]

I mean, I could.

[Scott Aukerman]

You could. You're not a smart woman.

[Laci Mosley]

I could do what I need with it, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

So that leads me to a follow up question. So you keep saying you're a woman. Are you a sentient woman or are you an AI?

[Laci Mosley]

Oh, gosh.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Do you have sexual organs?

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, I have Scott's asking questions that I just want to distance myself.

[Laci Mosley]

No, I'm glad we got to it.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Like the tailpipe, the push the tailpipe.

[Laci Mosley]

It's. It's actually more like a cloaca type situation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, sure. This is a. This is a Guo del Toro shape of water situation.

[Laci Mosley]

Absolutely, absolutely. And I do. I mean, I take lovers.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You do?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You take them where? For a ride.

[Laci Mosley]

I take them for a ride. Currently, I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm dating a non binary segue right now. And we'll. We'll throw his handle into the tailpipe and see what happens.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. And that's got to be.

[Tony]

We'll throw his handle in. Yeah, the non binary.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, it's they.

[Jason Manzoukas]

He.

[Laci Mosley]

Any questions?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, boy.

[Tony]

No. Sorry, sorry.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Hey, Austin, I. Look, I let you guys hang out and vape here, but don't be confrontational.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have to gender. Gotcha. The guests.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, yeah, nice try. Literally. Try me, try me. Try to gender. Catch me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, boy. Okay.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Name anyone else. Name anyone else and say what they're doing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Gender is go.

[Laci Mosley]

No, you give me a person, I'll tell you the gender.

[Tony]

Okay. Steve Martin, man. Pronouns.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That was too easy.

[Laci Mosley]

Him.

[Tony]

She's good.

[Laci Mosley]

That's right.

[Tony]

That checks out.

[Scott Aukerman]

That checks out. Okay, now, Tony, you are looking at some sort of like, graph or some sort of spreadsheet. Do you have everybody's or. Austin. Sorry. Do you have everybody's gender on that spreadsheet?

[Tony]

I do. And I make sure that everybody knows and I make sure everybody updates it so often. I'll check in with someone. Hey, you still good with those with that gender you. You look at? Because sometimes someone will dress masculine. Go. You leaning they them.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm looking at your.

[Rupert McDougall]

Not as much she.

[Tony]

Her today so you're.

[Scott Aukerman]

One of your columns is leaning.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Leaning.

[Tony]

Yeah, yeah. Just so I could be ahead of it. And I'll change the pronouns really quickly in my head.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm looking at the sheet here. It has Michael Jackson. What are his pronouns?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, boy.

[Laci Mosley]

Michael Jackson.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have to.

[Laci Mosley]

Currently leaning.

[Austin]

It's just leaning.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I believe it's he. He.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I'm so sorry. Scott is trying to set up his own joke, which is.

[Jason Manzoukas]

This is not my own joke.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cripplingly embar.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It's not just a joke I enjoy.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's worse than. It's not your joke. You're trying to set, you know, nobody's gonna set you up for.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, so, I mean, you know, everyone's secrets. Everyone's inside of you all the time. Do you get time off or are you going 24 hours straight?

[Laci Mosley]

Well, that's the thing. I. I really do go 24 hours a day. I'm constantly available. I am trying to take some time this summer. I have a lot of weddings, things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, so.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So people, human beings or other cars?

[Laci Mosley]

A little bit of both.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever had. I'm. Oh, I bet this happens a lot. Have you gone to weddings for people that got engaged in you, inside of you?

[Laci Mosley]

Yes.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Incredible. Yes.

[Laci Mosley]

And it is a really powerful thing.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's the dream to propose inside.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you imagine?

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah. But you know what? I'll tell you, it's actually kind of pissing me off these days. Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I love your list of grievances.

[Laci Mosley]

I've been to two different weddings where the couple got engaged inside of my body.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Laci Mosley]

No mention. Not a mention. Not at the. Not during the the ceremony. Not even during the thank yous. After. During the dinner.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That is so rude. But I guess maybe being invited to the wedding is sort of a thank you in a way.

[Laci Mosley]

The bar is in hell, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. So, like, what do you. So at one of these weddings, are you. Do you feel uncomfortable when you're. You're making small talk with the people at your table or whatever? Do you feel uncomfortable saying, like, I'm actually part of their story. I'm an integral part of their engagement.

[Laci Mosley]

I find a way to work it in. I bet I always find a way to work.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It's hard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Weddings are such a hassle. What? I mean, like, do you. Because you. I mean, are you up on the dance floor dancing?

[Laci Mosley]

I'm up on the dance. I'll be honest with you guys. I'm feeling very insecure about my body these days. So I'm. I'M not dancing quite as freely as I once was.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah.

[Laci Mosley]

The pinwheel.

[Scott Aukerman]

The pinwheels spinning too much.

[Laci Mosley]

They're spinning so much that I'm just kind of like. I'm feeling very aware.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Is it like that movie cars with Lightning McQueen and Mater, who's so funny, where they get back up on their, like back wheels and they sort of like use the front wheels to sort of gesticulate and can you do that when you dance?

[Laci Mosley]

No. That's actually a very offensive assumption.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm so sorry, I didn't know.

[Laci Mosley]

I actually remain four wheels on the ground and I just kind of turn the. Turn the wheel.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Turn the wheel back and forth from side to side. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. It's good, right?

[Laci Mosley]

I'm excellent at a. At a limbo.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. As long as it's under, I guess, the height of a way.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, I mean, I have a. Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I've never seen a limbo with a height clearance sign on it, but I would imagine that's what you have to use.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Wow.

[Laci Mosley]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Weddings are notoriously like, are notorious for.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Being places where they're so notorious weddings.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, no, notorious.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Notorious.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I thought you'd get there.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But we saw Duran Duran live together, didn't we? And they played that and of course high fived each other and said, let's mention this, in three years, yes, you.

[Laci Mosley]

Guys would have fun in a waymo. You can listen to whatever music you want.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was just gonna say that's. That sounds great to me. And not having to make small talk with the driver, but instead have a charming waymo to talk to. When you're at a wedding, are you like, I'm here to hook up?

[Laci Mosley]

Oh, yeah. That's the thing about me is that, you know, I work hard, I play hard.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, that's right. I'm going to weddings. I'm having six gin and tonics and I'm seeing what happens.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Who do you hook up with? Other cars.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where does the gin and tonic go?

[Laci Mosley]

Into the cloaca, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course. Of course.

[Jason Manzoukas]

A lot going up there.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, well, a lot going out as well. Oh, I. Who am I hooking up with? That's a great question. Well, you know, I. I have an.

[Jason Manzoukas]

On and off, by the way. This is for the table. This is for everybody. Who are you hooking up with these days?

[Laci Mosley]

Well, they're hooking up with Austin.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Tony. Who are you hooking up with?

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't ask underage people.

[Austin]

That Six foot tall. I mean six. Six floor tall.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Six story tall.

[Austin]

Six story tall.

[Tony]

Six story tall.

[Austin]

Top of that girl in high heels.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Wow.

[Laci Mosley]

I've recently. I recently hooked up with the.

[Austin]

The.

[Laci Mosley]

The guy who did the smog check.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, okay. It.

[Laci Mosley]

That was crazy.

[Austin]

Yeah, that.

[Tony]

So you will take a human? Sure. Interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

So that kind of an exam you found to be a turn off.

[Laci Mosley]

It's incredibly erotic.

[Scott Aukerman]

So that's like. I think a lot of human women find the gynecologist similarly, like, a huge turnoff. So.

[Austin]

Yeah, that's what I've heard.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a one to one.

[Austin]

That's the thing.

[Laci Mosley]

Women and women act like it's not happening. When they're in my waymo. They are calling each other after the gynecologist, saying, I just came. I'm telling you, 90% of my secrets are women saying that they came after the gynecologist.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. So that's a point that I would like to point out to Scott. Women do say that.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Kayla, let me ask you. You. You ever drive these two around? Austin and Tony? Yeah. Drive them here, by the way.

[Laci Mosley]

No, I saw them actually on the. On the highway on those birds. Bird scooters. I gave them a little wave.

[Tony]

Thank you. You noticed that you guys looked like.

[Laci Mosley]

You were kind of running low on power at one point.

[Tony]

Yeah, we had to push.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All the way from Seal Beach.

[Austin]

Yeah, we had to make it. It was a regular scooter.

[Tony]

It was just a regular heavy scooter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. That's a very heavy scooter.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why not just pop off and get another scooter or get away?

[Tony]

We're on the highway. I mean, what are you gonna do?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow, you guys, you shouldn't be taking the scooters on, what, the 10? Like. Yeah, that's terrible.

[Tony]

The 10 to the 10, 2 to the 5.

[Austin]

All right.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Californians.

[Tony]

It's like. It's like. It's like that sketch.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Thank you. Appreciate the clarification here.

[Laci Mosley]

Seal beach is actually outside of my range, but I could drop you off in Brentwood or something.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So you.

[Tony]

Oh, you got a range. Okay, cool.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So what, are you on the west side or what?

[Laci Mosley]

Like, yeah, I go from Brentwood to Glendale, actually. It's a pretty big range.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah. You ever pick up anyone famous? Oh, yeah, like you mentioned Brentwood, I think. Oh, Jason Simpson. Yeah, right away.

[Laci Mosley]

Not OJ Simpson, actually. But funny you mentioned OJ because very, very close. I did pick up a real housewife.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So when you mentioned. When I say it's funny I mentioned oj.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What. What is. What's the connection? Because you say, oh, Real Housewives.

[Laci Mosley]

You said oj.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Huh?

[Laci Mosley]

And the person I picked up was Heather Gay from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's close.

[Austin]

Yeah, that's close.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, that's close enough for horseshoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

[Laci Mosley]

She was riding around, rocking around in my waymo. I'm not gonna lie.

[Scott Aukerman]

She wouldn't buckle her belt in Los Angeles. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What's she like? What she like?

[Laci Mosley]

Oh, she's so nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Laci Mosley]

Oh, she was so nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

And she's not the woman from that cast who was put in prison for fraud?

[Laci Mosley]

No, that was Jen Shaw, but she actually was on the phone with. With. With another housewife, and they were talking about Jen Shaw.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What'd they say?

[Laci Mosley]

A secret that I'm going to reveal here.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What they say about Jen Shaw.

[Laci Mosley]

They said that Jen Shaw has fantastic taste in dinner plates.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, whoa.

[Laci Mosley]

They think she has beautiful china.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Okay, so. But you're trading in benevolent rumors.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So is that the kind of stuff you're hearing in this way?

[Laci Mosley]

I mean, well, not everybody is gonna be in there saying something super juicy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Any juice? What? Did anybody say anything? Not O.J.

[Laci Mosley]

Okay. Yeah, fine, fine. I'll play ball with you guys.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. We're not trying to. We're not trying to put you out or anything, Kayla.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, I mean, but you mentioned, like, secret secrets and stuff like this, and honestly, that one about Jen Shaw is kind of boring.

[Laci Mosley]

Okay, sorry. Sorry about that. Okay, you don't have to apologize. You know what? You know, but I.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You know what? I forgive, but I never forget.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. 9, 11.

[Tony]

That's a good saying.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Laci Mosley]

You know, another juicy secret that I did here was I recently drove around Shonda Rhymes.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, okay. Shonda Land.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Bridgerton.

[Tony]

I heard how to Get Away with Murder. Good job, buddy. Good job, buddy.

[Laci Mosley]

Confirmed.

[Austin]

She.

[Scott Aukerman]

Her.

[Laci Mosley]

And she had some juicy tea as well.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Tell us.

[Laci Mosley]

I mean, she said that Kerry Washington. She her very nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah. Oh, so like. Like onset. But. But offset.

[Laci Mosley]

Maybe she said offset. They didn't speak all that much, but she always had a nice vibe.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

A little weird that she didn't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Talk to her. Offset.

[Laci Mosley]

But Shauna didn't have any issues with it.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, this says more about Shonda than maybe it says. I mean.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, it's a. It was a successful show, so. I mean, they must have had a good working relationship.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, but maybe they're working so hard on it. They never have time to talk. Offset. I don't know. I mean, it's not the best, juiciest secret I've ever heard.

[Laci Mosley]

Okay, fine. All right, fine. You'll like this one.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay.

[Laci Mosley]

Taylor Swift.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, here we go. Fresh from the ERAS tour, being dragged through the mud in the Blake Lively Justin Baldoni suit.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, is this about Justin Baldoni as well?

[Laci Mosley]

Oh, my God. I picked her. I actually picked up Taylor Swift from the ERAS tour. Took her in a waymo back to her house.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So crazy. So she has a private chat, and so we get. In a way.

[Scott Aukerman]

She travels, you know.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Hey, that's. That's the Taylor Swift.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but you know what? She's smart. She probably figures, like, oh, there's nobody in here that's going to share this information.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I want to have to talk to the driver.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly.

[Laci Mosley]

And she was talking about Blake and Justin.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What did she say?

[Laci Mosley]

She says that. That Blake actually does all of her own styling.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Jason Manzoukas]

And what about Justin?

[Laci Mosley]

Justin actually, you know, Justin actually didn't come up.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, this is not about.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Laci Mosley]

Justin didn't come up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Tony]

And she talks about that she does her own styling, like, a lot in interviews and stuff.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, this is.

[Laci Mosley]

That's a hot. That's the. That's the scoop that I'm bringing to you.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the tease.

[Tony]

That's not a scoop.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I gotta say, Kayla. Yeah, this is the opposite. This is like the anti raisin brand. This is no scoops.

[Laci Mosley]

Okay, well, it's just. It's getting me through the day rather.

[Scott Aukerman]

Than just the two that normally come along.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Sure.

[Austin]

He set himself for his own joke again, obviously.

[Jason Manzoukas]

First time listening to this show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever. Have you ever listened to this show? It's all it is.

[Austin]

Yeah, of course.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sixteen years in.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm sorry, my 78 episodes.

[Laci Mosley]

My secrets aren't good enough for you guys. Okay, I'm sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. All right. Oh, that's interesting. Are they proprietary? Does Wayo keep secrets? That should be part of their promo. Waymo keeps your secret secrets.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Way more secrets than anyone else has.

[Scott Aukerman]

Way more secrets.

[Laci Mosley]

Technically, I didn't sign anything that said that, so I actually.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you. Can you sign something with my cloaca? Oh, you put it.

[Laci Mosley]

You put a pen. You put a pen, like, partially in, and I'm in.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't like the. I don't like that.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Here we go.

[Scott Aukerman]

The hand gesture you're doing.

[Laci Mosley]

You put a pen partially and I clamped out.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't like that. Scott immediately had a sharpie Ready?

[Austin]

This is the most erotic moment of my life. Life.

[Tony]

I'm thinking, don't lose it. No, you lose it. Don't lose it.

[Austin]

Maybe I will have some water in.

[Laci Mosley]

In six to 10 years, I think I'll have enough secrets to come out with a book.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, well, I mean, keep driving, you know, that's my advice to you.

[Laci Mosley]

It's the only thing I can do.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, I feel. I feel kind of sorry for you. I mean, any.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have any tips for, like, best behavior in a way? Mo, is there. Are there things that people are doing that are. That are bad or that we should start clear.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I've always wanted tips on how better to behave in a waymo.

[Laci Mosley]

I'm so glad you asked. Asked. Thank you for asking.

[Scott Aukerman]

See? So glad I asked.

[Laci Mosley]

I am so glad you asked.

[Jason Manzoukas]

God, I've always been like, I'm misbehaving in this way, Mo. I wish I had tips.

[Laci Mosley]

You know what I don't like?

[Scott Aukerman]

It seems like you are misbehaving.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Ain't I?

[Laci Mosley]

I like. I like when someone. Well, one, I like when people are talking on speakerphone quite loudly about juicy topics.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure.

[Laci Mosley]

One, I don't like when people fiddle with the little window thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

It hurts.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, it hurts to roll down your window.

[Scott Aukerman]

So the little window button. Very sensitive. Maybe more sensitive than we would think.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And so don't press right on it.

[Laci Mosley]

Don't press right on it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Got it.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Don't fiddle with it.

[Laci Mosley]

Don't fiddle with it unless you're being intentional about it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, sure. Just. Just rub around the edges.

[Laci Mosley]

Yes, please, please.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What if I want the window down, though?

[Laci Mosley]

If you want the window down, you have to warm me up for it. You know what I mean? Like, it's not that complicated. You don't just jam the button down, Scott.

[Tony]

Do you do the Alphabet on the button.

[Laci Mosley]

That's actually a common misconception.

[Scott Aukerman]

With your tongue.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

How does ice feel on the button?

[Laci Mosley]

I actually, you know, I don't mind. I don't mind ice, but it's got. It's got hot and cold. You know what I mean?

[Austin]

Uhhuh. So you just put a bunch of ice in your mouth. Do the Alphabet.

[Rupert McDougall]

Okay.

[Tony]

And then tea after for hot.

[Laci Mosley]

I don't want you guys in my. My way.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, you guys are going to have.

[Laci Mosley]

To find different ways.

[Austin]

That's well taken. That's well taken, you guys.

[Scott Aukerman]

You guys should get in a lift and see what's up.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony]

Lift. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why did you both write that down?

[Austin]

We're trying to Figure out you've never.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Heard that word before.

[Tony]

Lift.

[Austin]

Lift.

[Jason Manzoukas]

If.

[Austin]

Lift. Okay, that's with the I. Alive. Home.

[Jason Manzoukas]

We're getting home. Well, look, Kayla, it's fascinating to have you here, even though you're taking up most of the studio. Can you stick around? Okay.

[Laci Mosley]

I'm embarrassed about my body. God, I.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're not big for a car.

[Rupert McDougall]

So.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what? So a real missed opportunity because the Waymo is. Is such an advanced car. It's very soundproof in that we could have recorded the podcast in the Waymo. Driving around and dream. So often I'm listening to podcasts in the car. Wouldn't it have been great to record one?

[Jason Manzoukas]

The first podcast you listen to where it was recorded?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Laci Mosley]

Well, we can hop in the car. We can do the. This next. The next portion from the car.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, let's do it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All right, we're gonna hop inside. When we come back back, we're gonna do our third C block is going to be inside the window.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the rest of the episode, you're going to be hearing the ambient sounds of Los Angeles outside the windows, included.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But it is soundproof, much as you said.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but we'll still sound. We'll. We'll still have some sounds in there.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Doubt that. I do believe that incredibly silent traffic sounds. No traffic sounds, nothing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ambient voices.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Unless there's some sort of public domain kind of website where I can pick up some of these things.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe some live library music.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, I don't think any of that's going to be on here. But tell you what, we're going to come right back. We're going to have.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I bet if we were in the car, we could watch an episode of Frasier straight through. Do you think we can put that in the episode?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I don't think that I could even do that.

[Laci Mosley]

You can do anything in a way, though.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, see, you really can. But can you?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Laci Mosley]

Well, don't fiddle with the. With the buttons, but other than that, you kind of can.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I feel like there's probably cameras in there that are looking inside.

[Laci Mosley]

Well, sure, but I'm allowed to peek.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I like. I like that at the very end, Kayla became a real creepy.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yep.

[Laci Mosley]

Who cares?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Tell you what, we're gonna hop in this car. When we come back, we're gonna have a tourist. Plus more Austin and Tony. More Kayla, more Jason Mandukas. We'll be right back with more comedy Bambi.

[Scott Aukerman]

Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders Say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by Netcredit. Application subject to review and approval. Learn [e-mail] net credit credit to the.

[Kayla]

People what's poppin listeners? I'm Laci Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess. The show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it. Each week I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time. Wanna know about the fake errors? We got em? What about a career con man? We've got them too. Guys that will whine and dine you and then steal all your coins. Oh, you know they are represented cause representation matters. I'm joined by like Nicole Byer, Ira Madison iii, Conan o' Brien and more. Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.

[Laci Mosley]

New Vitamin water, zero sugar Pineapple Passion fruit is packed with vitamins. Just like the amount of peas we packed in that sentence. It's packed like your tote bag, the one you stole from your ex, or your overpriced half a studio apartment. Or extra rushed rush hour traffic Packed like your calendar. Triple booked at 5, of course. Grab a vitamin water. Did we mention it's packed with vitamins?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're here inside the we're inside cave.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are you screaming?

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're right, it's not.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know the episode's been going on and you're trying to keep the energy up, but it's so.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, we're in the car. There is.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, we're in the car now. Yes.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It sounds proofed and. And everything, but there is this.

[Scott Aukerman]

And of course we can hear the sounds outside.

[Laci Mosley]

Is everyone comfortable?

[Scott Aukerman]

Wonderfully so.

[Tony]

Thank you for letting us in. I know that wasn't your original idea.

[Laci Mosley]

You two are sitting on towels.

[Tony]

Yes, ma'.

[Austin]

Am. Yes, ma'.

[Laci Mosley]

Am.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Did you bring these towels? Were these here already or.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, I have towels just in case there's like little nasty boys.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, that's Waymo's slogan. I believe we have towels in case there's little nasty boys.

[Austin]

Yes. Present.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Lnbs. That's the, like the natural enemy of a Waymo. Lnbs. Little nasty boys.

[Laci Mosley]

Little nasty bo. And also salt.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, look, we need to get to our next guest.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean, somebody's off to the side of the road right there.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, let's pick him up. Yeah, I gave him some coordinates or Directions, not coordinates. Oh, you, yeah, you, you address.

[Scott Aukerman]

Earlier you said, what's the longitude and latitude of where we are?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm thinking global instead of local, but let's pull it. Can we pull over here, Kayla?

[Laci Mosley]

Of course.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, sir, come on in.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oops.

[Laci Mosley]

Clip the curb.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, you've been hitting curbs like, like this is like the, the, the bowling where you have the gutters filled.

[Laci Mosley]

Okay. But other than that, I'm pretty good.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're actually, I think, really good. And honestly, LA's curbs are out of control.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It is a very curb. Full city.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's where they got Curb youb Enthusiasm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Come on in, sir. Don't. Don't mind our chit chat and our good jokes. Oh, I.

[Rupert McDougall]

You clip the curb. You really clip the curb. I don't know if you know.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Sir, welcome to the show. Do you mind if I introduce you? I'm so gl. Got the, the coordinates that I gave you. He's a tourist. Please welcome Rupert McDougall.

[Rupert McDougall]

Rupert McDougall at your service.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Hi, Rupert. This is Austin and Tony, and we're inside of Kayla.

[Rupert McDougall]

Beep, beep. Excuse me?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Beep, beep, Beep, beep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you, as a tourist, I'm wondering, have you ever been in a Waymo before?

[Rupert McDougall]

Not only have I not been in a Waymo, I wouldn't even call myself a tourist.

[Kayla]

Really.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm sorry. I, I. This is the information that my producer gave me. How should I have introduced you?

[Rupert McDougall]

That's a bit complicated.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, we have time.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, we have all the time in the world.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Actually.

[Scott Aukerman]

No, I need a podcast.

[Rupert McDougall]

I need to get into it because I've got to get back home.

[Tony]

Basically.

[Rupert McDougall]

I've been torn from my home.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, we're in a Waymo.

[Jason Manzoukas]

We'll take you home. Just tell Kayla the address between Brentwood and.

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, Glendale, please.

[Rupert McDougall]

Word that it were so simple.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It is that simple with the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now, here's the thing. I don't think we've mentioned this. I'm hearing a bit of an accent there.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it possible you're from someplace not America?

[Jason Manzoukas]

You're attuned to this because you're on Taskmaster?

[Scott Aukerman]

You know, I just spent so much time across the pond.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I don't see color and I don't hear accents, so I, I don't know what you're talking about.

[Rupert McDougall]

I suppose perhaps there is a slight affectation to the way I speak, but, I mean, I really am just trying to get home and it's difficult.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay, where's.

[Scott Aukerman]

For you, Rupert?

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, it's. If you can believe it, it's in Scotland.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Jason Manzoukas]

The accent you're talking about.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow, that's beaut. It is. It's a beautiful. It's a brogue. It's a Scottish brogue. Right.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But I would describe it as balmy. That's right.

[Rupert McDougall]

No, balmy with an n. Oh, okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But I would. I would call it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You would call Scotland balmy?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, sure. I'll kill you.

[Rupert McDougall]

I'll kill you.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's got a knife.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, gee, sorry, Rupert. I apologize.

[Rupert McDougall]

That's all right. I'm sorry I've been so out of sorts because.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What's up?

[Rupert McDougall]

I've just. I've been trying to get home.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Here, take this left. Kayla, take this left.

[Laci Mosley]

I'm sorry, I was listening and it's.

[Rupert McDougall]

Not so simple as just going back to Scotland because, of course, I've been torn from my home. I fell through like a circle of stones. I want to say, like a circle of like fairy stones.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Fairy stones.

[Scott Aukerman]

Some sort of like, I'm assuming, some sort of a portal or something.

[Rupert McDougall]

Exactly.

[Austin]

Got it.

[Jason Manzoukas]

This is like a magical portal you fell through.

[Scott Aukerman]

So for somebody like you, being in a driverless car is kind of like whatevs because you've fallen through some sort of portal.

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, it's nothing is whatevs. I'll kill you.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's got a knife.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That knife down. In fact. Let me confiscate your knife. Okay, I'm sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Classic American. Let me take your knife away from you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, let me take your rights away.

[Rupert McDougall]

I'm just a bit emotional, honestly.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Honestly, the way more the emotions are anger.

[Rupert McDougall]

I'm all. I'm so moody and emotional. I'm feeling all kinds of emotions, a whole range of them.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What's going on, Rupert? Tell us your story. What happened?

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, God, I guess it's time to tell you about my story then.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, I just said that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Try to do with less pauses and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Actually get into the story. Here's the thing. I think, Scott, you're doing a disservice to Rupert because I think at end the. At this point in time, it's time for Rupert to tell his story. His story?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, okay. You know, I'm ready. Look, I'm ready to hear it.

[Scott Aukerman]

And for you to be barking down Rupert's neck.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I apologize. Not everyone comes on a talk show exactly prepared.

[Scott Aukerman]

And plus a talk show in a self driving car that is a little strange, that appears to have true sentience.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Honestly, though, I'm trying to get this Comedians in Cars kind of vibe going. Kayla. God. Stop for the stop sign.

[Laci Mosley]

Okay. Sorry.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I was.

[Laci Mosley]

I was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. You are backseat driving so much.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, she should be front seat driving, blowing through the stop signs.

[Laci Mosley]

No one got hurt.

[Scott Aukerman]

What we're witnessing is Scott's belief that women are bad drivers.

[Rupert McDougall]

If I could, for just a moment tell my story.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay. I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Now impatient.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I. I believe we are ready to hear your story.

[Rupert McDougall]

I think now's the time for me to tell it.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay. Well, now it's time for me to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hear it, I think. Yeah, the time couldn't be better. Tony Austin, are you guys good for this?

[Tony]

Oh, yeah, man.

[Rupert McDougall]

I hope you're ready. It's quite long.

[Austin]

Or your pronouns.

[Rupert McDougall]

I don't understand what you're saying right now.

[Jason Manzoukas]

If we were to refer to you in the third person, how would Laird like layered? Laird?

[Austin]

I'm a Laird, you're Laird, you're a layered.

[Tony]

What's a Laird like?

[Scott Aukerman]

Laird Hamilton.

[Rupert McDougall]

Exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, cool.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Is. Is he saying Lord Crazy?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I don't know. Yeah. I honestly don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, you think his name is Lord Crazy?

[Austin]

Lord?

[Tony]

Yeah. Is his name Lord Crazy?

[Scott Aukerman]

You think that's his type title?

[Jason Manzoukas]

His name's Rupert McDougal.

[Rupert McDougall]

They took my knife, but I will kill you. You know what?

[Tony]

Get on the floor and give me a plank.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, how long can you plank?

[Scott Aukerman]

This is interesting. The boys are trying to establish dominance like they did before.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Rupert McDougall]

Come here.

[Tony]

He's got me by the scruff of the neck.

[Austin]

Oh, he's lifting you right up in the air.

[Laci Mosley]

Stay on the towel, Rupert.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Is that karate?

[Tony]

No karate.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No karate.

[Austin]

No karate.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That was worked. That seemed to work.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rupert's backed off now, guys, behave, or Kayla will turn this car right around.

[Austin]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Jason Manzoukas]

By the way, you need to make a U turn, so I do need you to turn it around.

[Laci Mosley]

Okay, whatever. We're having fun. We're having fun.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All right. So, Rupert, do you have a story to tell?

[Rupert McDougall]

Have to tell my story.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ooh, do you need musical accompaniment? Can we. Kayla, can you put on something that.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Is maybe Glenn Fry, you belong to the city.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, absolutely. But like a public domain version of.

[Laci Mosley]

Do you like that?

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, I prefer the dulcet tones of the bagpipes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sure.

[Austin]

I don't know what that was.

[Scott Aukerman]

The bagpipes do. Interpreting Smuggler's Blues.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. Okay, let's try that.

[Rupert McDougall]

God, that's so beautiful. Oh, my God. It's taken me back as if I were there on the ruling.

[Jason Manzoukas]

More.

[Rupert McDougall]

Time to tell my story.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, it's not basically, I guess it's just that I were to inherit.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Now you're finally doing basically.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You going to. We've been waiting so long. Hit us with the full unabridged version.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, no need to. No need to, like, give us the.

[Rupert McDougall]

Broad strokes, words or less. Basically, I was. I were to inherit a castle, my family's home, and to be married off to my betrothed, my promised bride. Gayless.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Gayless.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And that's how Jason describes himself, by the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Only in reference to you, who describes yourself as gay. Fool. So you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You were gonna be married and you're gonna inherit this castle.

[Rupert McDougall]

I was so close, okay? I was so close to getting married and inheriting a castle and finally going out on my own and, God willing, knowing the touch of a woman.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. Which you hadn't before.

[Rupert McDougall]

No, of course not. Of course not. We're not. Who hears quid?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I am. I think I might be the only one. Tony and Austin, are you. Are you married? I don't know. Yeah, I mean, it's legal to get married.

[Rupert McDougall]

Great. So basically, car full of virgins, except for Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa.

[Laci Mosley]

Well, no, I'm shoving stuff up my cloaca all the time.

[Austin]

Same.

[Laci Mosley]

Cloaca is chalk.

[Rupert McDougall]

Fullish. I don't. I'm a bit.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You need to clear your cloaca, by the way, because it's stinking up the way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Especially, like, I've got to assume that there's so much stuff that's been jammed up there. You said earlier that stuff also comes out. Yes.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Get some stuff out of this.

[Laci Mosley]

Okay. Sorry about that.

[Rupert McDougall]

Smells good to me.

[Tony]

Have you had sex?

[Scott Aukerman]

I've had sex. Yeah. Yeah. Sweet. Same. Yeah. You guys, too.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. High five.

[Tony]

You liked it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Austin]

Yeah, for sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's fun as hell, right?

[Austin]

Super fun. Okay. Yeah. It's like a water park.

[Scott Aukerman]

How so? How so?

[Austin]

It's just like. It's so fun and like.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. Oh, fun. Like a water.

[Austin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony]

And then you can. Yeah, you can go down the slide multiple times. Yeah, God willing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sure, sure. Yes. Yes, you can. God willing, you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

God wills it to be. You can go down the slide of.

[Scott Aukerman]

A water park, but sometimes God. God says abs. Just one. Yeah, just one ride.

[Tony]

Off you go, and it's okay.

[Laci Mosley]

And you keep scooting off the towel. I wish you would stop doing that.

[Austin]

Sorry.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Try to stay on the towel.

[Tony]

I'll just. Will you hold me down?

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Now, Rupert, is it time for you to tell your story.

[Rupert McDougall]

I think. I think perhaps I'll tell the story now. Now, of course, I don't know what you were saying at water slides.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And this is advanced technology for. Because.

[Scott Aukerman]

What.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm getting what. I'm guessing here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hang on a second.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't tell Rupert's story.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I apologize, but I think you're.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why not let Rupert be the author of his own story?

[Rupert McDougall]

He would mind. Maybe I could take it away over until perhaps a little piece.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, how about Rupert hosts Comedy Bang, then for a minute.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I would love it. For anyone else.

[Rupert McDougall]

We're back with my story where the night of my wedding and I had to excuse myself for my beautiful, gorgeous bride. I bought gayless.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yes.

[Rupert McDougall]

And I needed to go outside to use the latrice. Latrine.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, sure. This castle only has outdoor latrines. No indoor plumbing.

[Rupert McDougall]

Can I. Can I show of hands. Pissing inside?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I mean, we are now. I'm guessing you're from the past. I'm just trying to show this a little bit. Oh, my God.

[Rupert McDougall]

We haven't even established.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh. We haven't thought of you as a when. We've just thought of you as a where. Oh, well, now, this is interesting. This opens up a whole new thing.

[Rupert McDougall]

I'm in a. Imagine my surprise when I'm squirted out of a vortex that I've walked into, straight into Barnsdall park, into a birthday. I'll land face down, ass up.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's the way I like to talk.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everybody. Well done.

[Rupert McDougall]

When. To me, it was the year 1690.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's not that long ago. Are you sure you have the 16. Okay, 1690. Yeah. 1690.

[Rupert McDougall]

1690.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I know. It's. I mean, technically.

[Rupert McDougall]

How old are you?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I. I just. I wonder if you're getting the right era. Right.

[Rupert McDougall]

No, it's correct.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think so. For. For outdoor latrines.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay. All right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And for, like, betrothals.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay. Sure, sure. I mean, betrothal still happens.

[Rupert McDougall]

And for. And for a laird in the Scottish Highlands, this.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I don't even know what it is. So go ahead. 1690.

[Rupert McDougall]

I'm getting angry.

[Scott Aukerman]

So for you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Here, have your knife. Have your knife back. I'm sorry that I took it away.

[Scott Aukerman]

How crazy for Rupert to be in a car right now in modern Los Angeles.

[Rupert McDougall]

The surprise wore off immediately.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh.

[Jason Manzoukas]

How long have you been here?

[Rupert McDougall]

I've been here for four months.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's all the time you need to get used to cars.

[Rupert McDougall]

Desperate to get home to my gorgeous bride, who I had not yet known cardinal pleasure with.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So wait.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, Rupert, here's the reality, though. You can get fucked now. Like, you don't have to. You don't marry in modern time.

[Rupert McDougall]

You watch your tongue.

[Scott Aukerman]

I will as best I can. I'm just saying in modern time, you don't.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's the one major difference.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's the single difference is you can have sex outside of marriage now, and it is not.

[Laci Mosley]

You can have sex with a waymo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, for example, I mean, Kayla jumping right in.

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, I mean, I were. I was promised to my bride at birth, and it was. I mean, it was decided in the stars. I'm confused how you're meeting people and. What did you say?

[Austin]

Get.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's the. I mean, delay.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was crass, but, you know.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But yeah, you just. Just hop on the apps and like, that night, you could probably get fucked.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I bet Tony and Austin are on the apps or under.

[Rupert McDougall]

You're hopping on the apps. Is it. I gotta climb a mountain?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Not the Alps.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not the Alps, Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It's actually not that complicated. You just kind of upload a picture. I mean, if these guys made cooldickshoes.com in the last hour, I think you could probably get a profile on one of the apps.

[Rupert McDougall]

I suppose I missed all of that.

[Austin]

What. What's going on?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

We just picked it up fully recap. Yeah, that's true. We don't about that often enough.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. Recapping in the middle of the show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Rupert's been here for the entirety of the show.

[Tony]

I'm Tony, and we have a product for you. We should just do it from the top.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I don't think we have time for this, guys. But basically, they're. They're selling shoes that have dicks on them. Okay.

[Rupert McDougall]

Oh, interesting.

[Austin]

Thanks.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It is interesting.

[Rupert McDougall]

It does intrigue me somewhat. I mean, I've just spent a lot of time on Hollywood Boulevard trying to fix. Figure out where the hell I am and how to get home, but.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So you know what year it is now?

[Scott Aukerman]

I do, yeah. Yeah. And how did that. I mean, like, that's got to be crazy, or. Do you want to go back?

[Rupert McDougall]

I'm desperate.

[Scott Aukerman]

You are? Okay.

[Rupert McDougall]

I'm desperate. And I've. I've heard. I mean, I'm. I've been looking for, like, a sorceress or somebody like that can send me back.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So this. This was stones that no one was in charge of. They were just. They were fairy stones. How do you know they were fairy Stones.

[Tony]

Oh.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What else?

[Rupert McDougall]

Else. What do you suggest, Scott?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I mean, I don't know my magic stone. Do you?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I guess what I'm asking. I guess maybe what I'm asking is, is this someone's fault or is this something you stumbled upon? Was this done to you or.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yes.

[Rupert McDougall]

This is completely on me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. This is a cell phone.

[Rupert McDougall]

This is. We all know, living in the Highlands, that something like that could happen very.

[Scott Aukerman]

Soon, opening a portal to a different time.

[Rupert McDougall]

Squirting you out of Barnsdal Post park, face down. As I've been a person, and, I mean, I've had a lot of friends that have disappeared over the years.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And have any of them come back?

[Rupert McDougall]

A couple, yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So how did they get back? Maybe you could use the same technique.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you aware. Can we have Kayla drive you to some fairy stones right now? What's the.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Kayla, do you have any fairy stones in the map?

[Laci Mosley]

I. I saw, like, a big pile of something crazy in. In, like, Echo Park.

[Rupert McDougall]

A big pile.

[Scott Aukerman]

Pile of something crazy.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Something crazy.

[Laci Mosley]

I don't know what it was. I just. I drove past a pile of something crazy.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, you drove past a pile of something crazy and you remembered it.

[Austin]

We saw that, too.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Enough to bring it up. You saw it, too?

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

We drove from Seal Beach Scooter to Bass Chuckle Park.

[Tony]

Got off at Ramper.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Tony]

Parkway.

[Austin]

Big pile of something crazy.

[Laci Mosley]

When you see a pile of something crazy like that, you don't forget.

[Tony]

That's how we said that.

[Rupert McDougall]

Look, I didn't know if a big pile will take me back or not, but I'm willing to try anything.

[Tony]

Oh, you don't want to jump in this pile of crazy.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What was it a pile of? Because, I mean, if it was, like, dead bodies. Yeah, that's crazy.

[Tony]

Not dead. What bodies?

[Jason Manzoukas]

What bodies? This was.

[Tony]

It was a pile of bodies.

[Scott Aukerman]

It was, like, not dead, though. So it was like some sort of pile.

[Tony]

No, no, they're not dead. They were never alive. It's dolls.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, it's like. It's like mannequins or something like that. I see. I see.

[Tony]

I see. I think a store was getting rid.

[Laci Mosley]

Of a bunch of dolls. It was actually right outside an American Girl doll store that was under foreclosure.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Throwing out their dolls. These are expensive.

[Scott Aukerman]

American Girl doll is going out of business.

[Laci Mosley]

Well, the one in Echo park, it.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Was the one at the Grove. Did too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Why do you know that?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I have a daughter, Jason.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you say.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Why not? American boy. I want to go to this place.

[Scott Aukerman]

Isn't that G.I. joe Joe.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, that's a good point. So. So you're looking for a sorceress like. Oh yeah, you have an idea that's better than me trying to come up with a solution because no.

[Rupert McDougall]

If you have one.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, I don't. I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I. I'd love to hear your idea but then I have some follow up questions.

[Rupert McDougall]

Yeah, about the idea you've not heard?

[Scott Aukerman]

No, yeah, just about. Just about. Yes. Yes. I guarantee I will also have follow up questions about that. Yes.

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, basically when I was walking don't.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Basic it full thing.

[Rupert McDougall]

Long story short, while I was pacing back and forth up and down Hollywood Boulevard and I didn't know what to do or how to get home, I heard a lot of people talking about a powerful. I have to imagine sorceress or sorcerer and that people are coming in droves to see them lying in up. They're called Labubu.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Labubu.

[Scott Aukerman]

These are.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I. I think I know what these are.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I don't.

[Rupert McDougall]

I've heard. I don't know. I've heard Labubu I think could send me back through this. Through the stones I can finally make love to my. My beloved.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so here.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Sorry, let me just explain. Labubu is a. A toy. Oh, it's like a little doll.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you mean? Oh, oh, I see.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And people. They're very collectible and people are trying.

[Scott Aukerman]

To get them like a Beanie Baby or something.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, it's a little like mean that.

[Rupert McDougall]

I overheard a radio segment. I've learned what that is.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Now you know what the radio is now?

[Rupert McDougall]

I do.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Just in time.

[Rupert McDougall]

Yeah, well, it was not through my own volition, but basically I heard.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Let me guess.

[Scott Aukerman]

You didn't someone forced to learn about radio. I'm so sorry you went through that.

[Laci Mosley]

That would never happen in a waymo.

[Rupert McDougall]

Can I just say there are so many sounds in this world that are don't encounter and it is pollution and I. I did not consent to hear it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Noise pollution.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I beg your pardon. But yeah, so people were talking about Labubus.

[Rupert McDougall]

So it on something called npr they did a whole section on Labubu and people lining up and. And waiting weeks to see Labubu. And I have to imagine that her powers can probably.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, I just told you it was a toy.

[Rupert McDougall]

No, but I have to imagine her power.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I think you shouldn't be imagining that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I told you than this is an opportunity.

[Rupert McDougall]

People are coming far and wide visit with Labubu. And I have to. I have to think perhaps pay some sort of homage or.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, no, that's it. But I'll tell you what. You were on Hollywood Boulevard, and I believe the Harry Potter play is over there at the Contagious right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, Harry Potter, a very powerful, very powerful wizard story. Here's my question, though. A lot of you wanting to go back now. How long have you known Gayless?

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, in theory, my whole life.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you. But you've never met, never spoken.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Did you. Did she lift up her veil at the wedding or anything?

[Rupert McDougall]

No, didn't even get to peek at her yet.

[Scott Aukerman]

So my question sounds like an uggo.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You think this is, I swear, stone cold butterface.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think so too. But here's what.

[Rupert McDougall]

I will end your life right here, right now.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All I'm saying is you're better off.

[Scott Aukerman]

Obviously you are. You are honoring a promise which I very much respect. It sounds like a promise made at birth, but what if I told you it sounds like what you really want to do is. Is lay with Gaylis? What if I told you we could make that happen here? And also your life expectancy is double.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And this is with a Hollywood 4, which where you're from is probably like a 15 or something like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Scott's got access to so many Hollywood fours.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, I run hollywood fours.com. it's an app, real website.

[Rupert McDougall]

Open it up right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

I would believe that somehow it is functional.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I gotta get on. Godaddy. Hold on.

[Rupert McDougall]

I mean, I suppose I've not. I mean, I've not even entertained the thought. It's so strange. I've spent years seeing sort of the back of her head and the fields, never her face.

[Jason Manzoukas]

This is a field girl.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, you're better off here.

[Rupert McDougall]

You're being so unique, unbelievably rude and I don't understand.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what? I'm sure you are also like. You have like, leading man good looks. You've got that Scottish accent. You're like. You're like Gerard Butler. You should. You're in la. Have you. Has anyone asked you to do any auditions? You should model.

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, I mean, I have been approached, but I just thought I shouldn't settle down or, you know, have.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Look, here's your life, okay? Don't go back, okay?

[Rupert McDougall]

Just don't go back.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Don't go back. Just rail through the Hollywood Castle castles. But if. If you were to go see it now, it would be dilapidated. It would be run down. Gaylis is dead.

[Rupert McDougall]

Where's. Wait. The castle will be run down. Where's my ma'.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Am.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your mother, she's like, in the ground somewhere.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, she's falling down.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everyone, Everyone. Oh, God. This is the first time.

[Jason Manzoukas]

This is a creeper.

[Laci Mosley]

Get on the towel.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Get on the towel.

[Austin]

Driving.

[Tony]

I'm getting off the door.

[Laci Mosley]

Am I on the towel? Put a towel in front of Rupert.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Sorry, Rupert. I think you're car sick. Is every.

[Rupert McDougall]

Is everybody I know dead?

[Scott Aukerman]

How is. How is. You've been here for four and a half months. How you've traveled through time. You know what the radio is. But you can't assume that everyone's dead.

[Rupert McDougall]

You son of a. I'll kill you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, what? Where'd you get. Another night.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Look, I. Yeah, you're better off here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Rupert McDougall]

My horse is dead.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you seem more upset about the horse than his mom.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You can get a new horse. You can get a new gayless.

[Austin]

You can get.

[Rupert McDougall]

You have horses here?

[Jason Manzoukas]

We have plenty, for sure.

[Rupert McDougall]

I've not seen a one.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, you're in the city.

[Scott Aukerman]

Put a horse stick on a shoe.

[Austin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So confident about that.

[Tony]

I would like wraps all the way around.

[Austin]

We could do a horse high heel, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, super cool.

[Tony]

Yeah, super high heel. You're like 12 inches taller.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Tony]

Yeah, we're tested it the same way.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That how you know, people in the future, 80 years from now are listening to this podcast saying, like, why did they do any of this? They're dead. Why were they wasting their time?

[Scott Aukerman]

Imagine spending 16 years in a room talking to people.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It's the same.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who are pretending to be other people.

[Jason Manzoukas]

The same thing that you would have if you were to go back home right now in the present day, you would see, like, why did I want to go there? Like, I'm sure there's etchings of gay lists and, you know, I mean, like, who cares? You're here now. Like, make the best of it, man. You got a model. You should act like you have. You're sexy, bro. I almost say that to everyone I know. Wow.

[Rupert McDougall]

You know, I mean, you've all lost me completely at what? Pretty much all of it. But I've wanted to.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You have wanted to act.

[Rupert McDougall]

I wanted to ask because. Or sort of go back to the fact that I am in a car full of worldly men.

[Scott Aukerman]

I believe the car is a woman.

[Austin]

And.

[Rupert McDougall]

Kayla.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, and where's his head, m'?

[Rupert McDougall]

Lady? And. Well, I. I guess. How do you do it?

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, I. Kayla, where's this heading?

[Laci Mosley]

Oh, me. Oh, God.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Where are we going right now?

[Laci Mosley]

We were just having a nice I've.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Never been in this part of town.

[Austin]

Where are we?

[Laci Mosley]

I thought we were having a nice ride. I'll take us to Panera.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All right. Panera.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why are we all breaking up?

[Laci Mosley]

Yeah, we can all. We're gonna. We're gonna have a conversation.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It's exclusively a restaurant for people who.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are breaking, breaking up or doing, like, study group for high school, I think.

[Rupert McDougall]

Oh, Gaylis probably thinks I've run away.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Well, Gayless is dead hundreds of years ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's Gayless last name?

[Rupert McDougall]

Don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you don't know.

[Rupert McDougall]

Oh, it's mine now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, oh, oh, you did get married. Look it up. Gayless.

[Rupert McDougall]

That's what I'm saying. That's what's so tragic. Let me Google her moments from consummate 600.

[Scott Aukerman]

1690S.

[Jason Manzoukas]

1690S. Gayless McDougal. Yeah. I'm only getting 500 hits.

[Rupert McDougall]

She's probably. She probably lived her life forlorn, waiting.

[Jason Manzoukas]

For me doing the Google image search. Okay. Oh. Oh, take a look at this.

[Rupert McDougall]

O. What is it?

[Jason Manzoukas]

This is a picture. This is like. Yeah, this is a drawing. An oil painting of Gayless McDougall.

[Rupert McDougall]

It could have been a paint thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a drawing of an oil painting.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Drawing of an oil painting. Yeah.

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, what's. Why. Why do you sound like that?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Let me turn the computer around. This is what she looks like.

[Rupert McDougall]

She's. She's beautiful.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. That's very sweet, actually.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Sweet, but by our modern standards, she's.

[Rupert McDougall]

Always put a bag over that.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Keep that veil on, baby. We're in Hollywood.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, the father of a daughter.

[Rupert McDougall]

She's exactly as I. Dude, you could.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Do so much better.

[Rupert McDougall]

Down to the whiskers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Down to the whiskers.

[Rupert McDougall]

Now to my original question, you all.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What was your original question?

[Rupert McDougall]

Has been so long without any sort. I guess I suppose if I'm fated to live in this hell.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, wow. Just hang out, man. I got a guest house.

[Rupert McDougall]

I could live here.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, you live here. All I ask for is 20% of your earnings. 25.

[Rupert McDougall]

Okay. I mean, I.

[Scott Aukerman]

You just jumped up 5%.

[Rupert McDougall]

It's going to guest house.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Privileges are. Yeah, if you get pool privileges, that's another 5%.

[Rupert McDougall]

Maybe I'll do like, commercial acting.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'll make some intros, take you to a few parties.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, that business has cratered. I will say, you know, celebrities are doing ads now, so that's a recession indicator as well.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Gonna start off modeling, then we're gonna segue into acting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And then hosting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I think then Hosting.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Sure. Well, because ever all actors are hosts now.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if we could get Rupert on like a bachelor situation?

[Jason Manzoukas]

That would be amazing. Bachelors in paradise. Have you ever. You ever heard of this?

[Rupert McDougall]

I mean, I've seen the bill billboard because I sleep under one, but.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, no, Rupert, no sleep in my guest house.

[Rupert McDougall]

I have my own choice. I didn't mean to take it to a dark place.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Rupert McDougall]

And now I will be sleeping in your guest house.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you tried to get back to Scotland, modern Scotland at all? Yeah, I mean, it. Obviously the portal dumped you here, but you can travel, but just.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I went there last year with this show.

[Rupert McDougall]

Been there.

[Austin]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've been there as well.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Rupert McDougall]

I could just go.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Anyone can go. How?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, you could take a boat.

[Rupert McDougall]

Too much.

[Scott Aukerman]

You could fly in a plane.

[Rupert McDougall]

I'm sorry, it's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you aware of planes? Have you know about birds in the rad.

[Rupert McDougall]

Oh, you mean. You mean the.

[Jason Manzoukas]

The big metal birds? Yeah.

[Rupert McDougall]

Well, I wouldn't call them metal birds. It's. They're sort of plummeting to the earth. Every day. I see a few things fallen from the sky.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll be honest. In the. In years past, I would say they are not falling from the sky at all, but currently they. They are plummeting from the heavens to the ground.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Let's not have you take a plane.

[Rupert McDougall]

Okay, so sounds like I'm living here now.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, you just live here. I think you're good. In fact. Kayla, can we get. Are we near my house at all? Oh, my God.

[Laci Mosley]

I thought we were going to Panera. Jesus.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I want to show Rupert the guest house.

[Laci Mosley]

Okay.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay. Because you're gonna love it, man.

[Rupert McDougall]

Can someone just tell me please, how you do it? How to do it?

[Scott Aukerman]

How to do life?

[Rupert McDougall]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sex.

[Rupert McDougall]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I think this is for Tony and Austin.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, you guys can take this.

[Austin]

All right. Right, watch this, watch this, watch this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let him cook.

[Austin]

Okay. Yeah, let us cook. All right, ready?

[Tony]

And grab my ankles.

[Rupert McDougall]

Wait, you're doing it right now? I'm sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow. I thought they just explained.

[Austin]

Okay, so first you're going to want to warm them up. So.

[Tony]

Yeah.

[Rupert McDougall]

Again, you're seemingly doing it on each other. Is that what's happening?

[Laci Mosley]

Please stay on the towel.

[Tony]

We're just trying to show you.

[Austin]

Yeah, it's just an instructional video, man. Yeah.

[Rupert McDougall]

I don't know.

[Tony]

Instructional video of us doing. Doing it.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's not a video. And is in fact just them doing it.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Because we establish video.

[Tony]

We suck each other's dicks is basically.

[Rupert McDougall]

What ends up happening, that's not a problem for me. I'm really just. I'd like to know anything about it. And you've yet to say a single effect about having sex with a woman.

[Tony]

With a woman.

[Austin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, watch this, watch this.

[Rupert McDougall]

What?

[Tony]

Why?

[Austin]

Well, we're gonna explain it this time, all right? So first, you first. You greet them personally.

[Tony]

Hello, me lady probably is what you would do.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Rupert McDougall]

Can I just. And I don't. And I also don't mean to shorten your story, but picture for a moment. You're already wet. Wet, wet.

[Tony]

No, we don't get wet. We have dicks.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Make sure those towels are down.

[Tony]

Yeah, the towels are down. We're not wet, though.

[Austin]

We're not wet.

[Rupert McDougall]

And she's waiting in the chambers.

[Tony]

Okay, sure, yeah, we can do. How would you have sex with a bride who was waiting for you in the chambers and you're already wet?

[Austin]

Okay, okay, yeah, let me just update that in my head. Okay.

[Rupert McDougall]

All right.

[Austin]

Okay. So, yeah, okay, you're walking through the door, you're walking up the stairs. You're going, you're going. You're the man, Tony. You're the man. You're going, you're the man. You got this. You're not going to flip out and get anxious. All right?

[Tony]

And I kind of saddle up next to him and I'm like, you're the man. You're the man. Yeah, of course. You're the man, Austin. You're the man.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do everything together and you hype only yourselves up. You don't hype each other other up.

[Tony]

No. Cuz it's such an internal thing having sex.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It's mainly external, but yeah, I mean, it's internal with your partner.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony]

It's mostly internal for us at least. Yeah, It's a mental game, really.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's also a game of the heart, you know, and the heart is inside your body.

[Austin]

That's true.

[Tony]

Hopefully.

[Rupert McDougall]

What? I don't mean to presume, because I've not been here previously, but, like, it feels like you guys are lying about a lot of stuff, and I think.

[Austin]

It would feel good. Oh, hey, Rupert, if you could just be honest. Our website's real.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow, wow, wow, Rupert.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Real website, Rupert.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the thing is in the 1600s, you know, like somebody like Rupert has to cut to the chase. They don't have the luxury of time to be polite. True.

[Rupert McDougall]

If you don't have the tithes or if you can't deliver I would have had to kill you. So basically, I just need you to tell me the truth. Have you had sex with someone ever?

[Austin]

No, ma'. Am. No, ma'.

[Laci Mosley]

Am.

[Rupert McDougall]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You said no, ma'. Am.

[Austin]

I guess I was talking to the Waymo again.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm sorry.

[Austin]

I'm scared of her.

[Jason Manzoukas]

What's the curb?

[Tony]

My bad. I'm just gonna smash this button now.

[Laci Mosley]

No, actually, that was good.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That was good. Okay. Found something that Kayla likes.

[Laci Mosley]

I actually. That comment me by surprise.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Sometimes you don't know if you like something and you have to do it to a genuinely.

[Laci Mosley]

I'm. I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm learning constantly.

[Tony]

Tony, do it with me.

[Rupert McDougall]

All right, well, by sitting in this car, could it be that we've all lost our virginities? Is that what you're saying?

[Scott Aukerman]

Cuz we're inside someone.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, we're inside Kayla.

[Laci Mosley]

We're all making love right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Dude, we did it.

[Austin]

You're the man, Austin. You're the man, Tony.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was very sweet.

[Jason Manzoukas]

This episode does have a happy ending.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Genuinely affected me.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. Well, guys, we. We are running out of time. Unfortunately, we only have time for one final feature on the show. That is of course, a little something called plugs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Open up the bag and give me all your plugs.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Show me where to look and tell.

[Scott Aukerman]

Me where can I find you? Where can I find you? Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah. You're saying yeah over the Fartzip. All right. That was shine. The Wet remix.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, man.

[Jason Manzoukas]

By Eddie Wolfram.

[Scott Aukerman]

Everything's wet.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Everything's wet today.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not. I mean, it's. Well, I guess we're a couple months from wet day.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, I mean, quite a few months, unfortunately. Yeah. All right, what are we plugging? Jason, obviously. Taskmaster. Series 19 is out. All the episodes on.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can watch it all on YouTube. Invincible. Like we mentioned before, the final season of Big Mouth. Big Mouth, Season eight is up on Netflix now. You can watch all of that. That's about it.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm saving it for when Nick does. Scott hasn't seen. We're gonna.

[Scott Aukerman]

What movie?

[Jason Manzoukas]

No Big Mouth. He promised to do that episode.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love that. And you're gonna watch the whole series?

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, we'll just watch a few selected.

[Scott Aukerman]

Episodes that he thinks are good. That's funny. That's a great idea.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And how did this get made on tour now?

[Scott Aukerman]

How did this get made? We have finished our tour. We have one date in Vancouver that I think will have already passed.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Have already passed. Great. All right. But always be on the Lookout for Jason. If you see him. If you see him and catch him, he'll give you part of his $4 million prize.

[Scott Aukerman]

Absolutely. Please don't catch me. Please don't touch me. I don't like you.

[Jason Manzoukas]

But if you do, he'll give you part of his 4 million prize.

[Scott Aukerman]

And in fact, just say, hey, Nong man, and walk away.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That might be best. Austin and Tony, what do you want.

[Tony]

To plug The Z Suite on 2? Newbie new TV show just came out.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's something you like to watch?

[Tony]

Yeah, people really like the show, especially.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the setup?

[Tony]

So basically it's about an office where there's an old lady and young lady and.

[Jason Manzoukas]

How old is this old haggard lady?

[Tony]

50.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they let. They let her on TV. Yeah, it's too big.

[Tony]

It's to be. They kind of. They'll kind of sort of take anyone. Anna Bazala's on it. And it's like. That's just. They really will take anyone. Definitely. Watch. Watch that.

[Austin]

And.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it's called Z Suite.

[Tony]

It's called Z Suite.

[Scott Aukerman]

On Tubi.

[Tony]

On Tubi. It's a free streaming platform.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Download it right now, get it.

[Tony]

Watch it a ton. And because they probably want people to watch it so that they can do a season two, and then everybody can get more money again.

[Scott Aukerman]

Gotta get those numbers up. Gotta get those numbers.

[Tony]

It's really important.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Tony, anything you wanna plug?

[Austin]

Yeah, actually, these, like, two girls. Sometimes I just throw this on. They have this, like, improv podcast called called on and Isabella do Improv.

[Tony]

Yeah, I heard that one's really good too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's cool.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, it's. It's a podcast.

[Austin]

It's a podcast. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So it's not on Tubi.

[Austin]

It's not. But I. God willing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

If God wills it to be.

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

So if you're liking this show right now, you can go to the podcast app. You're listening to it on Search the. What is it? Anna and Isabella do improv.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And then of course, Cool dickshoes dot com.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Austin]

That's.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, my God.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the big plug.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Why are you talking about these. These podcasts and tubi shows?

[Austin]

We promised we wouldn't do this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's. What is it?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Cool dickshoes.com.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cool dickshoes.com. this episode is brought to you by Cool.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Pick your dick. Pick your shoes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your dick. Pick your shoes. Cool. Now somebody will edit all this together as a commercial. My advice is all the things you guys just told us that you people should listen to it Check out should be linked on this website because this is what people are gonna remember. Cool dick shoes dot com.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's gonna be the thing that reroute.

[Scott Aukerman]

Somebody to the other stuff because people are going to be like, what was that funny thing? Oh, cool dick. Well, now I can't listen to the podcast on this.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Kayla, what do you want?

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this tubi?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Kayla, you Want to plug CoolDickshoes.com?

[Laci Mosley]

I would love to not plug Cool dicks. What is it?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Cool dick shoes.com or cool dicks host.

[Austin]

Anti plug plug to take ours away.

[Laci Mosley]

I'm doing an anti plug.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're doing an unplug.

[Laci Mosley]

I'm doing an unplug.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Unplugged.

[Laci Mosley]

Do not visit that site, I beg of you. Download the Waymo app or. Oh, I been hearing whispers in my. In my wayo of a really cool girl on Instagram at Steph Birch.

[Scott Aukerman]

One, I believe.

[Laci Mosley]

And she's been posting stuff about shows and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God.

[Jason Manzoukas]

About shows. Wow, this sounds like good content.

[Tony]

Love to see a show.

[Laci Mosley]

People are talking, people are talking and.

[Scott Aukerman]

People are whispering about it in the way.

[Laci Mosley]

Whispering about it in the Waymo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why whisper?

[Laci Mosley]

You know, whispers are louder than screams sometimes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love that.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow, that's powerful.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Rupert McDougall. What think do you want to plug?

[Rupert McDougall]

Right?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I mean you don't have.

[Jason Manzoukas]

A lot going on basically.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you want to plug?

[Rupert McDougall]

Basically? Oh, yeah, you could. Oh, a billboard that I've seen before. You could watch Solar Opposites. It's on Hulu.

[Scott Aukerman]

I did a voice on that show.

[Rupert McDougall]

That's right. And you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you saw it?

[Tony]

My friend writes on that show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, nice.

[Austin]

Yeah, this.

[Tony]

This girl. I've seen this girl, Mai. She writes on that show. Really good.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's a great show.

[Jason Manzoukas]

It a great solar album.

[Scott Aukerman]

They do great work.

[Austin]

Incredible.

[Rupert McDougall]

And you could write. You could write. You could watch the final season of Lower Decks.

[Scott Aukerman]

Love it. Love that show.

[Rupert McDougall]

Plus and you know, you could do something really crazy and you could go to UCB and watch Herald Knight.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Wow. I hear you can stream that and.

[Rupert McDougall]

You can even stream.

[Scott Aukerman]

You can.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

They shouldn't do that.

[Jason Manzoukas]

They shouldn't do that and. But that's fantastic. I want to plug CBB World. Oh, yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can I plug a specific episode of CBB World?

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you got, Hines?

[Jason Manzoukas]

I'm pro to meet you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Improv to me. I'm improv to meet you. Episode. What is what number of what episode? What's it called?

[Jason Manzoukas]

We don't know, but one of the.

[Scott Aukerman]

Last ones it's the episode where the improv lesson is being taught to an office workplace.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

I will say this will teaches improv to a lot of the people that are on this show. Will Hines is often on this show. Show. It's not often that he goes out into the world and just teaches improv to regular people, but these regular people turned out to be hilarious.

[Jason Manzoukas]

And he recorded it, which is. He recorded us and we turned it into a podcast. Yeah. So that can be. That's a CBB Presents episode Heinz Improv to meet you. We also have every episode of this show ad free, including the new episodes, ad free, all 900 and whatever of them, as well as every live episode we've ever done. That's thousands of hours of entertainment for you as well as Scott hasn't seen, which Nick Kroll is going to do about his own show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anything, anything recent? Any movies recently that you have now seen that you are like, hey, I wish I'd seen? Like, this was a great one.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, no.

[Austin]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm a genuine question there. Because sometimes there are ones that you're like, oh, I saw this and it was actually great.

[Jason Manzoukas]

No, there was. There was one recently that I was like, this is a stone cold classic. And I'm trying to remember what it was. Oh, Cabaret. That was.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, great. Great one.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, great one. And then a bunch of fucking shit every other week. But yeah, anyway, that's [e-mail] we also have shows like the Neighborhood, Listen, College Town, stuff like that. Everyone.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, Randy. I'll shout out as one of the funniest shows on the app.

[Jason Manzoukas]

E Pray Dunk. Who me with the Batman? The Geno show is over there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Holy shit, that show's funny.

[Jason Manzoukas]

This book changed my life. So.

[Scott Aukerman]

Also very funny.

[Jason Manzoukas]

So much great stuff over there. Head over to cbbworld.com all right, let's close up the old plug.

[Scott Aukerman]

Too many songs. Everyone's done, everyone's ready to go.

[Jason Manzoukas]

We're enjoying this. Your experience is not ours.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know ours. Is that the royal hours. Everybody else is like, snooze.

[Jason Manzoukas]

All right, that was oppo pop remix 2025 by TW Bond. Thanks to TW Bond. If you have a plug theme, head over to cbb world.com plugs and guys, I want to thank you, Jason. Even though you don't like the songs that people worked very hard on, and that's an insult, a direct insult. Right to them, right to the fans.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is what I'll say to the fans. Do something else. Your time could be better spent.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I said it on stage. Learn a day. This is not even a heel turn for you because you've always, always been like this. Yep. Just a real idiot.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just an absolute jerk.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That cares. Not for the fans.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nope. Fans can get.

[Jason Manzoukas]

I want to thank. Speaking of getting Austin and Tony, two people who have never had sex before.

[Scott Aukerman]

Cool dickshoes dot com.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, Cool dick shoes dot com.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a genuine website.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Yeah, but you admitted you'd never had sex.

[Austin]

Do we have to keep bringing it up though? But yeah, we never.

[Jason Manzoukas]

You know what?

[Scott Aukerman]

I agree. I. I don't think, Scott, you should as a 50 year old, some 50 something year old man be identifying teenage virgins.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, I got one. I got a couple over here. Two teenage versions over here.

[Austin]

Wait, but we did. We. We did it with the Waymo.

[Rupert McDougall]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

That'S a good point. Speaking of the Waymo. Kayla, thank you so much for being here. And do you. Are you dropping us off? Where. Where are we?

[Laci Mosley]

I mean, I can go for another sp. I heard you have a pool at your house. You could go for a splash.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, wow. You want to drive into the pool?

[Laci Mosley]

I've never been in a pool.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, that's so cute that you want. Oh, that's great that you feel like you trust us enough.

[Laci Mosley]

I'll drive all of us.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Feel like you would rust.

[Laci Mosley]

I'll drive all of us into the pool and just see what happens.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Okay. I don't know. I feel safe in a wayo that goes into a pool.

[Scott Aukerman]

In the pool might be difficult. We're so close to the ocean. Should we just drive straight?

[Austin]

Yeah.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Rert you want to drive into the ocean? Maybe we can get to Scotland.

[Rupert McDougall]

I'd love to.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd love to fill the trunk with heavy rocks and drive into the ocean. Let's do it.

[Laci Mosley]

The ocean is outside of the my range.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Oh, no, you only go to Brentwood. All right, man pool. That's too bad. We'll go into the pool. All right, thanks everyone. We'll see you next time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bye.

[Kayla]

What's poppin listeners? I'm Lacy Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess. The show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice. Each week I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time. Wanna know about the fake errors? We got em. What about a career con man? We've got them too. Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins. Oh, you know, they are represented because representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicole Byer, Ira Madison iii, Conan o', Brien and more. Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your piece.

[Scott Aukerman]

Podcasts At Strayer University we help students like you go from Is it possible?

[Rupert McDougall]

To Anything is possible by offering access.

[Jason Manzoukas]

To up to 10 no cost gen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ed courses so you can reach your goals affordably and fast.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Visit Strayer Edu to learn more.

[Scott Aukerman]

No cost Gen Ed is provided by.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Strayer University Affiliate Sophia. Eligibility rules apply.

[Austin]

Connect with us for details.

[Jason Manzoukas]

Strayer University is certified to operate in Virginia by Chev and has many campuses, including at 2121 15th Street north in Arlington, Virginia. Virginia this episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Here's what it is. You create a stunning online presence with Squarespace where you can easily showcase your services, whether it's, I don't know, consultations, maybe events, experience, all on a fully customizable website. Just enjoy yourself customizing this thing. You're going to love it. It attracts clients and it helps grow your business. Squarespace's cutting edge design tools make it simple for anyone to build a bespoke website that aligns perfectly with their brand. Here's how you start. You start with Blueprint AI their AI AI AI AI powered website builder and create a fully personalized site in just a few steps. Oh, this sounds futuristic and exciting. Squarespace also helps streamline your entire workflow with built in tools for appointment scheduling, email marketing and professional invoicing. Plus, get paid on time with branded invoices and seamless online payments. Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Bang Bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.