Zip Your Lip, Eat The Key (Josh Gondelman, Vic Michaelis, Zach Reino)

Summary

Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast – Episode Summary: "Zip Your Lip, Eat The Key" (Featuring Josh Gondelman, Vic Michaelis, Zach Reino)
Release Date: July 14, 2025
Host: Scott Aukerman
Guests: Josh Gondelman, Vic Michaelis, Zach Reino

---

Introduction

In the 15th-anniversary episode of Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast, host Scott Aukerman welcomes a stellar lineup featuring acclaimed comedian Josh Gondelman, alongside eccentric characters Vic Michaelis and Zach Reino. The episode, titled "Zip Your Lip, Eat The Key," delves into a blend of stand-up comedy insights, surreal humor, and satirical takes on popular culture phenomena like Pokémon.

Guest Profiles and Backgrounds

Josh Gondelman is celebrated as a four-time Emmy award winner, renowned for his sharp wit and contributions to shows like "John Oliver's." Scott humorously navigates Josh's exaggerated Emmy accolades, playfully pointing out discrepancies on his Wikipedia page:

Josh Gondelman [00:02]: "New vitamin water, zero sugar. Pineapple passion fruit is packed with vitamins. Just like the amount of peas we packed in that sentence."

This exchange sets the tone for the episode's lighthearted and improvisational style.

Vic Michaelis and Zach Reino introduce a whimsical dynamic, embodying the show's tradition of featuring quirky and imaginative characters. Notably, Vic takes on the persona of a Pokémon trainer, adding layers of absurdity and parody to the conversation.

Main Discussion Topics

Emmy Awards and Wikipedia Woes

Scott and Josh engage in a comedic debate over the accuracy of Josh’s Emmy wins listed on Wikipedia. Their banter highlights the often humorous discrepancies found in online information sources:

Ember Chuckett [01:56]: "Four time."

Scott Aukerman [02:08]: "So I have four nominations and three wins on your Wikipedia page. What do we need to change?"

This segment satirizes the reliability of user-edited platforms and sets up recurring jokes about personal accolades and online presence.

Stand-Up Comedy and Creative Writing

Josh shares insights from his career, discussing his stand-up journey and freelance writing endeavors. He humorously references his educational background:

Josh Gondelman [09:31]: "In 2011, Gondelman moved to New York City, where his then-girlfriend lived to pursue standup comedy."

The conversation touches on his work with "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel," providing a glimpse into the behind-the-scenes aspects of writing for a popular television series.

Pokémon Parodies and Surreal Humor

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to a comedic and fantastical exploration of Pokémon lore, reimagined as part of a political and societal satire. Josh and Vic, in their Pokémon trainer roles, discuss the "red pilling" of Pokémon, transforming them into agents of change within a fictional government framework. This segment is rich with parody and absurdist humor, blending real-world issues with the whimsical world of Pokémon.

Josh Gondelman [37:13]: "So my Geodude specifically is Secretary of State. The exterior, which basically means he gets filler for everybody else in the industry."

Longevity and Existential Musings

Mark Fripp, introduced as a Longevity Expert, engages in a satirical dialogue about reducing human lifespan to increase societal efficiency. His exaggerated stance offers dark humor and philosophical musings:

Mark Fripp [63:35]: "I'm against longevity. We're trying to get the human lifespan as short as it possibly can get."

This conversation serves as a comedic critique of societal values around life expectancy and productivity.

Notable Quotes

• Scott Aukerman [00:08]: "It's packed like your tote bag, the one you stole from your ex. Or your overpriced staff of studio apartment. Or extra rushed rush hour traffic packed."

• Ember Chuckett [02:23]: "I brought one to my parents house, though, and it became immediately controversial where my mom was like, we'll put it right on the mantel in the front room."

• Josh Gondelman [05:05]: "I'm writing a captain Hulk movie because that's just what we do here."

• Mark Fripp [63:35]: "I'm trying to unload as much human procreation as possible before we shut them down completely."

• Dash Grabthem [30:05]: "I choose you, Geodude. Come on, Geodude."

Concluding Remarks

As the episode progresses, the interplay between the guests and Scott culminates in a humorous mock-trial scenario, blending elements of Pokémon battles with exaggerated adult responsibilities. The episode wraps up with a series of plugs promoting Josh’s comedy special "Positive Reinforcement" on YouTube and Ember’s wife’s book launch, maintaining the show's characteristic blend of promotion and humor.

Final Thoughts

"Zip Your Lip, Eat The Key" exemplifies Comedy Bang Bang's unique ability to merge stand-up comedy with improvisational sketches and surreal narratives. Through witty exchanges, absurd scenarios, and satirical commentary, the episode offers both laughs and a playful critique of pop culture and societal norms. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the podcast, this episode provides an entertaining dive into the show's eclectic and imaginative world.

---

Listen to the full episode on Earwolf or your favorite podcast platform to experience the full comedic brilliance of Scott Aukerman and his delightful array of guests.

Transcript

[Josh Gondelman]

New vitamin water, zero sugar. Pineapple passion fruit is packed with vitamins. Just like the amount of peas we packed in that sentence.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's packed like your tote bag, the one you stole from your ex. Or your overpriced staff of studio apartment. Or extra rushed rush hour traffic packed.

[Josh Gondelman]

Like your calendar, triple booked at 5 of course. Grab a vitamin water.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did we mention it's packed with vitamins?

[Dash Grabthem]

Packages by Expedia. You were made to be rechargeable. We were made to package flights, hotels and hammocks for less Expedia. Made to travel.

[Scott Aukerman]

See you later alligator. Or in a bit, you fucking hypocrite. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Booty and the Hoefish for that catchphrase submission submitted in January of 2023 and I'm just getting around to it, but thank you Booty and the Hoefish. Hope you're still a listener. Who knows if you are, but welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Aukerman, I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang and we have an exceptional show this week. Coming up a little later, we have a trainer, we also have a longevity expert. But first let's get to our guest of honor. We have a. Look, I've said it before, I'll say it again. Hopefully. Stars are back. Stars are back on Comedy Bang Bang.

[Ember Chuckett]

This is how I found out I'm getting bumped.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, sorry, yeah, Josh, you gotta go. No, he is a stand up comedian. He is a three time Emmy award winner, I believe.

[Ember Chuckett]

Four time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Four. Let me look at this Wikipedia page you have here. This says three.

[Ember Chuckett]

I edited it so that people say three and then I correct them to four.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. What's the fourth? Cause you have three for writing John Oliver.

[Ember Chuckett]

All for John Oliver.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you won a fourth one in when?

[Ember Chuckett]

2020, 2019.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the last one that's on here. So I have four nominations and three wins on your Wikipedia page. What do we need to change?

[Ember Chuckett]

Okay, I think we were nominated.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have so many Emmys you forgot how many that you have?

[Ember Chuckett]

Well, I brought one to my parents house. That's what a lot of people were doing at the time. The staff like. Cause they've won a million in a row and I've since departed the Shout, which is the movie that Departed was.

[Scott Aukerman]

About you, I think leaving John Oliver show.

[Ember Chuckett]

That's right, yeah. Leonardo DiCapri played, he shoots you in.

[Scott Aukerman]

The face at the end.

[Ember Chuckett]

It was an honor to be shot in the face by Leonardo DiCaprio. It was because I turned 26.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Right. This is the kind of comedy he's known for, by the way. Topical. Just out there knowing everything about pop culture.

[Ember Chuckett]

I brought one to my parents house though, and it became immediately controversial where my mom was like, we'll put it right on the mantel in the front room. And my dad took it and put.

[Mark Fripp]

It up where my mom couldn't reach behind a picture of me and my sister in a different room.

[Ember Chuckett]

And she was like, will she be more prominently on display?

[Mark Fripp]

And my dad was like, well, we didn't win it.

[Scott Aukerman]

You gotta take it back. At that point, you have to repossess it.

[Ember Chuckett]

I couldn't let my dad win that.

[Mark Fripp]

Much because I think that's what he would have preferred.

[Scott Aukerman]

So I have one nominated in 2015.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. Win.

[Ember Chuckett]

No win.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nominated in 2016. Win.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nominated 2017. Win.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yep.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nominated 2019. Win. What about 2018?

[Ember Chuckett]

2018. Win.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is going on on this Wikipedia page?

[Josh Gondelman]

I don't know.

[Ember Chuckett]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. I wish I still had editing status, but for some reason I've been banned for two years.

[Ember Chuckett]

You've been a renegade.

[Mark Fripp]

You're.

[Scott Aukerman]

I accidentally clicked edit on a page the other day and it said you still have 1 year and 11 months left on your 2 year ban.

[Mark Fripp]

I was like, who fucking banned me one month before?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I've. I've never edited a Wikipedia thing.

[Ember Chuckett]

I didn't. I wonder what you were. What they. What you were banned for.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know. I got to. I got to figure this out.

[Ember Chuckett]

We got to get to the bottom of this. That's on podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't want to give away my IP address, though. My assassination coordinates. Ip W. But he is a now, I guess, four time Emmy award winner. Where you keep the other three?

[Ember Chuckett]

The other three are on top of a dresser in our little home.

[Scott Aukerman]

On top of a dresser.

[Ember Chuckett]

And they are covered in cheese.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, they are.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah. I went parody.

[Mark Fripp]

I didn't do a double.

[Ember Chuckett]

Smokey went on top of spaghetti. I used to teach preschool.

[Mark Fripp]

That's my brain goes.

[Scott Aukerman]

He has a new standup Comedy Special on YouTube, I believe on YouTube, which I have watched approximately 10 minutes of.

[Ember Chuckett]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's dynamite. This morning before. Before you got here.

[Ember Chuckett]

I'll tell you it. 10 more minutes. More than you had to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I was like, am I being sent this special or not? And then I realized it was already out, so. So at that point I had to scramble. It's called positive reinforcement. Please welcome Josh Gondelman.

[Ember Chuckett]

Thank you so much for having me, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Welcome to the one timers club.

[Ember Chuckett]

Thank you. Yeah, it is. It's an honor.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You are a New York comedian. I am at least centered in New York. I'm just looking at your Wikipedia page for errors right now.

[Ember Chuckett]

We can fact check it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Apparently. Born in Stoneham, Massachusetts.

[Ember Chuckett]

Stoneham, Massachusetts.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stoneham. You say it the proper way.

[Ember Chuckett]

Well, we pronounce everything all stupid up there.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is it about stone hams? Like, who's ever made a stone ham?

[Ember Chuckett]

I don't know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've seen a statue of a pig once.

[Ember Chuckett]

That. That's probably as close as it gets.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Ember Chuckett]

Where was the statue of a pig?

[Scott Aukerman]

It was in the Charlotte's Web. Wherever they. Wherever she wrote that. Who wrote that? E.B.

[Ember Chuckett]

White.

[Scott Aukerman]

E.B.

[Mark Fripp]

White.

[Ember Chuckett]

There's an E.B. white joke in the special.

[Scott Aukerman]

There is?

[Ember Chuckett]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is that minute 11?

[Mark Fripp]

It is, yeah.

[Ember Chuckett]

You just missed it.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's the E B Y joke? I have to know what this is.

[Ember Chuckett]

It is a joke about people who are. Who are annoying about grammar with people using non binary pronouns.

[Mark Fripp]

People who are like, oh, I can't do that because bad grammar.

[Ember Chuckett]

And I say, I didn't realize you.

[Mark Fripp]

Were such a Strunk and White fan. And then I call Strunk the Garfunkel of the group, but say, I love the dirty Strunk funk. It is incredible.

[Scott Aukerman]

Where does E.B. white come in? E.B.

[Mark Fripp]

White is the white of Strunk and White.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, oh, really?

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Charlotte's Web. EB White is the white of Strunk and White. What?

[Ember Chuckett]

Or we're gonna have to re edit this fucker.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh my God. I gotta look this up. Hold on now I'm going to a different Wikipedia page.

[Ember Chuckett]

No, I don't like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh my gosh.

[Ember Chuckett]

EB White stars are back and EB.

[Mark Fripp]

White is here now.

[Scott Aukerman]

I love Strunk and White. Oh, okay. I thought it was. EB Was a she, but EB Although we don't know Elwyn.

[Ember Chuckett]

Elwyn Brooks White would not have guessed Elwyn.

[Scott Aukerman]

Elwyn. Yeah.

[Ember Chuckett]

With a gun to make co author.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of the Elements of Style. You don't see a lot of that drunken White kind of thing in Charlotte's Web really all that much. I guess you don't pay attention to it when you're reading it, but it just reads really well.

[Ember Chuckett]

I think when Charlotte writes on the web really pays attention to those principles of like concise writing.

[Mark Fripp]

Just like some pig.

[Scott Aukerman]

And now I haven't. I haven't read it in a number of Decades. But Charlotte's Web writes stuff on these webs, right? Like, writes words or something.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah. I don't think her name is Charlotte.

[Mark Fripp]

Charlotte swept the spider.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's not Charlotte's Web.

[Ember Chuckett]

I think Charlotte. Yeah. I think Charlotte is the spider.

[Scott Aukerman]

Charlotte is a spider who writes. Who writes, like, books in webs.

[Ember Chuckett]

I think it's just, like, slogans.

[Scott Aukerman]

Slogans.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah, it's just like, little things, Right? It'll be, like, spectacular or, like, it's a lot.

[Scott Aukerman]

All lives matter.

[Mark Fripp]

In this web. We believe.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is the type of comedy he's known for. This kind of topical pop culture.

[Ember Chuckett]

Children's books from the, I want to say, 1720s.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's so funny that you have an EB White joke. Although sharing it with Strunk.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah, it's a half EB White joke. Half.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know who's drunk?

[Ember Chuckett]

Do not know.

[Scott Aukerman]

We got. Okay, now I'm. I'm going over to the Elements of Style Wikipedia page. William Strunk Jr. Billy Strunk. Now, this was written in 1918. Should we still be reading it? You know what I mean?

[Ember Chuckett]

It is. There is a lot of questionable, problematic material.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I don't know. I think any. Like, what's the cutoff for books? Like, we should be reading books from, like, I think 2020 on. Okay.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

And that's it, right?

[Ember Chuckett]

That's pretty good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anything before that? It's dicey.

[Ember Chuckett]

It's. It's. First of all, it's irrelevant.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. What does it have to do with our lives?

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah. What's it gonna say to me? 1918.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hello, Roald Dahl and all your weird views. Why do I have to read you?

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah. We can write a new book about a chocolate factory. There's been enough time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. You and I should do this.

[Ember Chuckett]

We should do this. Scott and Josh and Charlie of the Chocolate Factory.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, characters in it?

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And what about Charlotte and her web?

[Ember Chuckett]

She could be there too.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, we'll put her in there. Why not?

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah. So probably bad for the health inspectors, the Chocolate Factory.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, there's no health inspectors. I think the Oompa Loompas, like, divert them. Anytime they walk in, they're like, oh, you think they're bribing them? I thought they were. There was, like, a series of diversions where they're like, look over there.

[Ember Chuckett]

Oh, and then they just go out.

[Mark Fripp]

Through a big slide.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, Exactly. Turned into TVs. Is that what happens in Charlie the Chocolate Factory? Something turns into a tv? Now I've. I've gone so far away from your Wikipedia page. Now I have to go back to it. I have to navigate my. Okay, now I'm back. Graduated from Brandeis university. Brand. Brand. Is. Or Brandeis.

[Ember Chuckett]

Brandeis.

[Scott Aukerman]

Brandeis University in 2007, where you double majored in creative writing. That's going to help with our book. Big and English. We're going to write it in English.

[Ember Chuckett]

I think that's the best choice for us.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're the perfect collaborator.

[Ember Chuckett]

Thank you, Scott. I am very excited for this project.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you minored in Spanish.

[Ember Chuckett]

I did.

[Scott Aukerman]

And you. Are you fluent in Spanish? Because I know you taught it.

[Ember Chuckett]

I did teach it and I am.

[Mark Fripp]

Not and was never fluent.

[Scott Aukerman]

You don't have to be. Right.

[Ember Chuckett]

I was wildly. It is a. When people talk about, like, Nepo kid jobs. My mom was the director of a small private school and she hired me.

[Mark Fripp]

To teach Spanish at that school.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were a Spanish teaching Nepo baby. Wow.

[Mark Fripp]

As. I mean, making up.

[Scott Aukerman]

That sounds like you're pretty good at it. So I don't know.

[Mark Fripp]

That's what the kids thought.

[Scott Aukerman]

Now you started doing stand up comedy in Boston when you were 19 years old. I'm just going to read your Wikipedia page for the listeners.

[Ember Chuckett]

I need you to know that I'm totally okay with this and also wildly uncomfortable. The inside of me is roiling.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, have you edited your own page?

[Ember Chuckett]

I once was asked to go. I used to have a show on like Facebook Watch or something. Weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

Greg.

[Ember Chuckett]

Thank you. I used to have this. This show where I would edit celebrities Wikipedia pages with them. And then someone interviewed me and flipped it. So, like, this was probably 2018 or 2017 was the last.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was pre before. We have to pay attention to this, right? 2020 really is.

[Ember Chuckett]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because the world got more attuned to the issues of the day in 2020. Didn't we all have the black squares on our Instagram? You have a joke about that in the first 10 minutes. You did stand up in Boston for seven years and occasionally returns. Wow.

[Ember Chuckett]

That was. That was edited by my mom. It's nice that you occasionally return, but.

[Scott Aukerman]

Man, when those Boston. Boston crowds see you return, they're like, wow.

[Mark Fripp]

It's been. This is.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's been occasional after college. This is weird. Why not talk about this? Pre doing the standup? I don't know. But after college you worked as a preschool teacher, taught elementary school Spanish. In 2011, Gondelman moved to New York City, where his then girlfriend lived to pursue standup comedy.

[Mark Fripp]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does she still live There.

[Ember Chuckett]

They live here now.

[Scott Aukerman]

And what's the nature of your relationship now with this person?

[Ember Chuckett]

We are warm friends. There's a joke about them in the special.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, I gotta. God, I gotta watch that.

[Ember Chuckett]

It's actually right after the Evie White one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is it? Okay, back to back. All right. During this time he also began doing freelance writing. Wow.

[Ember Chuckett]

A lot going on in this Wikipedia.

[Scott Aukerman]

He co wrote his first major story. This. So your first major story? How many major stories have you written?

[Ember Chuckett]

It might just be the one Wikipedia.

[Scott Aukerman]

Says, both sides of a breakup with his ex girlfriend. It was published in New York magazine in 2012. That's. Ah, man, that's 13 years ago. You need to write another major story.

[Ember Chuckett]

Well, we got this book coming up. I don't know if I'll have the time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's true. In 2013, he wrote a story for Esquire describing his experience running in a tough mudder race. What's a tough mudder race? I could click on the Wikipedia page, but I'm worried I'm not going to find yours again.

[Ember Chuckett]

It is like a 10 to 12 mile adult obstacle course. I adult always makes it sound sexual. It's an obstacle course for people grown up, for naked people. And it's a sex obstacle course. Stuff that you fit in your butt.

[Mark Fripp]

Stuff that you put in your mouth.

[Ember Chuckett]

Stuff you spit out of your mouth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, all the holes. He has also written for McSweenies. You know the folks, we love the holes, don't we? He's Also written for McSweeney's, the New Yorker and the New York Times. The old gray lady, the paper of record. Tarnished image.

[Ember Chuckett]

These days I write all the stuff people hate.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you. How do you feel about writing for such a company that's under duress right now? The New York Times people love it for the games app, but they can't separate them.

[Ember Chuckett]

I mostly pitch them wordle ideas.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really?

[Ember Chuckett]

I'm like, have you done sport?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think we got that one.

[Ember Chuckett]

What about click?

[Scott Aukerman]

Here's the thing about wordle. They let you enter words that aren't actual solution words. And they go. And then when you read the wordlebot, they're like, oh, it's a valid guess, but in my experience that's not ever going to be a solution in Wordle. It's like, well, don't let me fucking enter it.

[Ember Chuckett]

Don't let me guess it. Yeah, that's not fair.

[Scott Aukerman]

I hate them. In October 2015, a book co authored by Gondelman and Joe Berkowitz. So you're a co author as well?

[Ember Chuckett]

I'm a co author. I have experience.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Ember Chuckett]

I'm an experienced co author.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. I need you to write 20 chapters by next week.

[Ember Chuckett]

Next week?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Do you think you can do this? Yeah, it's easy, right?

[Ember Chuckett]

How many total chapters are we thinking?

[Scott Aukerman]

20. 20.

[Ember Chuckett]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you'll put that Akerman polishing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, The Sheen, Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Ember Chuckett]

I can't imagine what's blah blah, blah.

[Scott Aukerman]

As a stand up, he's open for John Oliver, Jen Kirkman and Pete Holmes and also performs regular, regularly at New York City venues. Oh, man, I love the New York City venues.

[Ember Chuckett]

Love a venue.

[Scott Aukerman]

That city has good venues.

[Ember Chuckett]

Many. And I'm there regularly. As opposed to Boston, where I only am occasionally.

[Scott Aukerman]

Occasionally. Of course. Everything's the best. His debut album came out in 2011. His second album, Physical Whisper, was released on March 18, 2016. Okay, so not very, not specific, kind of vague about the day in 2011 for your first. But then you. A very specific March 18th in 2016.

[Ember Chuckett]

I don't know. They, they. People really started to focus in on me in those. Interesting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Okay. So it was just like, yeah, I think something came out in 2011. But then people are pan paying attention. Okay.

[Ember Chuckett]

We're sitting up and taking notice.

[Scott Aukerman]

But then in 2010, he won the Laughing Skull Comedy Festival in Atlanta, Georgia. But then it took him six years to make his Late Night Day debut. Did they say no, it doesn't say that way. That's mean.

[Ember Chuckett]

Sort of editorializing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Editorializing. Because like, what, you win this festival in 2010 and then Conan takes no notice of you until 2016, and then you're not on this show until 2025. What's going on?

[Ember Chuckett]

A lot of oversights.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a late bloomer here.

[Ember Chuckett]

I am a late bloomer.

[Scott Aukerman]

He made his network television debut. Oh, okay. In January 2018 on late night with Seth Meyers. And you were a standup consultant for the final season of the marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Now, what was going on in the early seasons? Why did they not bring you in earlier? Because you know what I mean? Like, was the stand up bad? And then they're like, let's get someone never seen the show. I don't know.

[Ember Chuckett]

They had other, they had a great team of other folks working on there. My, my good friend Allison Libby was there for a while. Noah Gardenshwartz is really funny. Was there for a while and then they, they just needed somebody. I think There was, there was some turnover and they needed somebody to come in for that last season.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Ember Chuckett]

And it was really fun.

[Scott Aukerman]

So, so, so how do you write for Mrs. Maisel? She's by all accounts, she's a housewife who's doing stand up comedy in the. In the 1910s or something. I've never seen the show. I don't know what it is.

[Ember Chuckett]

It's starts in the 50s and goes into the 60s.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wow.

[Ember Chuckett]

Mad Men style.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Ember Chuckett]

So it's just also how time went, I guess.

[Mark Fripp]

Mad Men and also time went from the 50s to the 60s.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's interesting to watch a show and it starts in like the 50s or something. And then the next season it's like a little bit earlier, but you wouldn't really notice because there's still car hops and everything. But then season three is in the 40s and yet the characters are progressing.

[Ember Chuckett]

They're aging.

[Scott Aukerman]

They're aging and everything. And you're like, what is time backwards?

[Ember Chuckett]

I like that. It's like a reverse Simpsons where the characters stay the same but time keeps going.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Ember Chuckett]

This time goes backwards, characters go forwards.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it would be interesting. We should write that too.

[Ember Chuckett]

We should. Maybe that could. Maybe you and Charlie and I can.

[Mark Fripp]

Experience time that way.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's do that. Now, Seinfeld Today is a big heading on this Wikipedia page.

[Ember Chuckett]

So that means somebody edited this wikipedia page in 2013.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. Because in December 2012, Gondleman created the Twitter account Seinfeld Today along with Jacqueline Moore, formerly of buzzfeed. The account posted humorous tweets. Oh, man, I love to post a humorous tweet.

[Ember Chuckett]

Love a humorous tweet. I love a New York venue.

[Scott Aukerman]

And a humorous tweet reimagining Seinfeld characters in modern day situations. As of October 2015, the last time the account was active, it had more than 900,000 followers. And at the 6th annual Shorty Awards in 2014. Do these still exist? Shorty Awards? What are these?

[Ember Chuckett]

I think they do. I think I still get like seven.

[Mark Fripp]

Emails from them per week.

[Scott Aukerman]

They want you to like, give money to the Shorty Awards. Like, hey, thanks for winning one. Like, you know, is it like Harvard where you have to build a library to the Shorty Awards?

[Ember Chuckett]

That's right. And it's their ranking on the U.S. news and World Report. As an award show goes up, the more alumni donate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Does Harvard have enough libraries? Like, everyone wants to build a library for them. You know, it's like, I've never been to Harvard. Is it like just like 80 libraries or what?

[Ember Chuckett]

It's a lot of libraries. I was just there last week.

[Scott Aukerman]

What were you doing there?

[Ember Chuckett]

My wife had a book launch event at the Harvard bookstore, and they asked. Asked me to come and interview her on stage for it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so that's one of your occasional returns.

[Ember Chuckett]

One of my occasional. So I can't go back for a little while because otherwise they'll have to update it to frequent.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want to add this to your Wikipedia page, but I don't have editing privileges.

[Ember Chuckett]

No way. You know what you do.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was in Harvard last week with his wife. We talked about your wife's book off mic. We did, but people can investigate it. How?

[Ember Chuckett]

Her name is Maris Kriseman. The book is called I Want to Burn this Place Down. It's a really, really wonderful essay collection. She's extremely brilliant and lovely, and it's a really warm and compell compassionate kind of exploration of having an expanding political imagination. And she's on. She's on tour now, but won't be.

[Scott Aukerman]

She has her own Wikipedia page that we could read.

[Ember Chuckett]

That's exciting.

[Scott Aukerman]

We get bored later.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have a pack show though, so I'm gonna blah, blah, blah.

[Ember Chuckett]

Not gonna get into I'm gonna blah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Blah, blah some of. Some of the rest of your Wikipedia page. Blah, blah, blah, John Oliver. We've talked about that. Blah, blah, blah, other shows, blah, blah, blah. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Blah, blah, blah personal life. Nothing bad in your personal life, by the way.

[Ember Chuckett]

That's good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anytime we book someone on comedy, bang, bang. Now that's the first thing I do, the Wikipedia page and I click on personal life.

[Ember Chuckett]

Control f. Controversies.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. Awards. We've already talked about how inaccurate that is.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah, we don't know. Maybe it says I have a Nobel Prize or something.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do have a peabody.

[Ember Chuckett]

I have two peabody.

[Scott Aukerman]

This just says one.

[Ember Chuckett]

Well, this. They blacked out 2018. I don't know what was happening to whoever edited my Wikipedia page. Maybe they had a lot of personal stuff going on in 2018.

[Scott Aukerman]

What's that like to be, like, a silly comedian who then wins a Peabody? Do you feel like you deserve it? No. No, I don't.

[Ember Chuckett]

I don't think I deserve to be here, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I agree. You're in the esteemed one timers club.

[Ember Chuckett]

And it feels terrific.

[Scott Aukerman]

Discography, Four things. Filmography. Not as much as I would have expected.

[Ember Chuckett]

More of a writer than an actor, as my grandmother used to tell me.

[Mark Fripp]

After seeing me in place.

[Scott Aukerman]

Aw, but you were on Night Train with Wyatt at midnight. Once.

[Ember Chuckett]

Once I'm a one timer.

[Scott Aukerman]

That to me is like, they'll take anybody there. So to only do once, that feels personal.

[Ember Chuckett]

I like to believe it's because I live far away and they don't.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not a local hire.

[Ember Chuckett]

I was not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. George Lucas talk show. So much great stuff. Works in publications. Now this, I want a works and publications heading on my Wikipedia. I mean, what works? You know what I mean?

[Ember Chuckett]

Works does feel substantial.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. I've written comic books.

[Ember Chuckett]

That's cool.

[Scott Aukerman]

And we have that book that I sort of wrote four pages of.

[Ember Chuckett]

But works feels like.

[Scott Aukerman]

And rewrote some of it.

[Ember Chuckett]

Works feels like statue of a pig.

[Mark Fripp]

It could be part of it.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's true. Selected articles. This is a huge. This is your biggest entry on Wikipedia. Selected articles.

[Ember Chuckett]

And think about all the articles they didn't select.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. And then wiki. What? Whatever the fuck this is.

[Ember Chuckett]

That was the one where I interviewed people.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Watch. T.J. miller. Have a checkup with the Wikipediatrician. Should I click on this?

[Ember Chuckett]

You don't gotta.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, great. I won't. Well, this. And then it takes us to references, which you have. I mean, this is the biggest thing. You have 55 references on your Wikipedia page.

[Ember Chuckett]

Just today, I've referenced E.B.

[Scott Aukerman]

White.

[Ember Chuckett]

I've referenced.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let me look up how many references I have on mine. Let's see, I have 56. Whoa.

[Andy Richter]

Son of a bitch.

[Scott Aukerman]

I am doing slightly better.

[Ember Chuckett]

I truly, I think it is. I would say, and I say this with love and appreciation. An inordinate number of people who enjoy my comedy, like a disproportionate, unexpected amount just based on a random guess, are librarians. That's not a joke.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you think that's because of your comedy or the way you look? You have a librarian air about you.

[Ember Chuckett]

I do have like a library face. I'm very comfortable being shushed.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, I'd like you to go on a blind date with my friend. I warn you, he has a library face.

[Mark Fripp]

And honestly, Library body.

[Scott Aukerman]

Library body. Library mind.

[Ember Chuckett]

Reference librarian face. With a children's section booty.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I think so.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know about children's section, booty. Adult section, booty.

[Ember Chuckett]

Adult section, booty.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thank you. Well, this. I mean, this Wikipedia page is jam packed with fun stuff to talk about, but what's not on there and the reason that I was confused about this special and thinking it was going to be sent to me is positive reinforcement is out now. It's been out for a couple of weeks.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah, it's out on YouTube, on Blonde Medicine's YouTube channel. They're the record label I work with. They're really wonderful. Dom and Jess are the best. And.

[Scott Aukerman]

And the great thing about YouTube is they will insert ads wherever they want, including in the middle of punchlines.

[Ember Chuckett]

In the middle of a word, in the middle of a punchline. They know best.

[Scott Aukerman]

They know what they're doing.

[Ember Chuckett]

They know where the ads go.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I watched 10 minutes of it and was only subjected to about 20 ads, which I thought was a good ratio. But this is exciting. How's it feel to have this special out in the world?

[Ember Chuckett]

It's really. I'm really excited that it's out. I worked really hard on it. We put together a really great team that I. That because of Blonde Medicine being so wonderful.

[Scott Aukerman]

When you say a team, what do you mean? Do you tag out to other comedians in the middle of the special?

[Ember Chuckett]

God, that would be so much better for the audience.

[Scott Aukerman]

That'd be a good special, I think, where people. People do it wrestling style, where they're just like, I'm tired. Tag out to another comedian who.

[Ember Chuckett]

And then at one point in the set, you're just like, oh, my gosh, that's Jeff Foxworthy's music. I got to work with the director that I love.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who's this?

[Ember Chuckett]

Chris Werner. Oh, I worked with it last week, Tonight, and now works at Saturday Night Live. He directs a lot of Please don't destroy segments. He's wonderful, and he put together a really great group on the production side. And it just, like, is so wonderful to me to get to do something that's just, like, the standup that I do at New York venues, occasionally in Boston, other cities as well. But to do that and then to get. To make something bigger than what I could do on my own of just.

[Mark Fripp]

Like, I set up my phone and.

[Ember Chuckett]

I put it out in the world, and. And so it's really great.

[Scott Aukerman]

Mark, are there specials out there where it's just someone setting up their phone?

[Ember Chuckett]

I think there are many that are close to that or, like, you get one camera or a couple cameras. And it really meant a lot to me that the record label gave me the investment that we could really make this. Make it look really nice.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think it looks great.

[Ember Chuckett]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it's colorful. You have a good backdrop. Yeah, you make a joke about the backdrop right away.

[Dash Grabthem]

Right away.

[Scott Aukerman]

It makes me feel comfortable. He knows what the backdrop looks like.

[Ember Chuckett]

Ye. Sometimes comics get up there, and it's.

[Mark Fripp]

Like they don't even know they're standing in front.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. Geez.

[Ember Chuckett]

It's like I know what your mom is and I know what your dad is, so I know what that makes you.

[Mark Fripp]

But what are you standing in front of?

[Scott Aukerman]

And are there pictures of your mom and dad out there online? Can we see what you would look like just split up into the DNA from 1/2 into. You know what I mean?

[Ember Chuckett]

I do know what you mean. I don't think there are that. My parents, my parents lurk on social media and instead of creating an account to engage, they just text me about things they've seen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it's. From what I can tell, I've seen approximately one sixth of this special. Positive reinforcement is probably the year's best special.

[Ember Chuckett]

You know, I'm trying to think. I've seen some pretty good ones this year.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, which ones are we talking about?

[Ember Chuckett]

Oh, you know what? That wasn't from this year, though. Lisa Traeger's is very funny.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's not on the show.

[Ember Chuckett]

That's right. You know what? I'll say. It's the best special.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's the best one.

[Ember Chuckett]

Best one of the year.

[Scott Aukerman]

You might win your fifth emmy. Fourth on your Wikipedia page.

[Ember Chuckett]

We don't know where these people. They're out to lunch, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Exactly. And everyone should watch it. Now we have to take a break, but can you stick around? I would love to stick around because we have a trainer coming up and I think both of us could use maybe some training if, you know, I mean, you have librarian face and body, and I have something I get to improve.

[Ember Chuckett]

Their nice trainer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Man. Can you imagine if, like, you could, you could work out and it would make you more handsome. Like, like, what would you do? Like, doing all the, the facial expressions.

[Ember Chuckett]

Guys do that now, do they now? It's like young, like, red pill kids, like, chew. They do, like a thing to, like, strengthen their jawline.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't know what that red pill is, but I gotta investigate that. I, I, it sounds like a matrix reference, which is really cool.

[Mark Fripp]

No, no, no, Scott.

[Dash Grabthem]

No.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it's also a Maroon 5 album, so.

[Mark Fripp]

Is it a Maroon 5 album?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, we'll talk about that in the break. Look, we have to take a break. When we have a comeback. When we have a trainer come back.

[Ember Chuckett]

Don't, don't call it a comeback.

[Scott Aukerman]

When we come back, we have a trainer. We also have a longevity expert. This is a dynamite show. You have to stick around. We're going to come right back. We'll be right back with more Josh. Gondelman More comedy. Bang Bang. We'll be right back after this.

[Andy Richter]

Dreaming of a modern oasis, AllModern has you covered with the best of modern furniture and decor all in one place and all hand vetted by our design experts. Whether you're on the hunt for a new outdoor dining set or a versatile sofa, our premium quality designs bring form and function to any space. And they're available in every style of modern. For real. Every single style. Oh, and did we mention it's all delivered for free in days, not weeks. That's modern made simple. Shop [e-mail] what's Poppin listeners?

[Laci Mosley]

I'm Laci Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess. The show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it. Each week I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time. Wanna know about the fake errors? We got em? What about a career con man? We've got them too. Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins. Oh, you know they are represented. Cause representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicol, Ira Madison iii, Conan o' Brien and more. Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.

[Andy Richter]

If you're a parent and want to help set up your child for success, then IXL is right for your family as an effective and affordable online learning program. IXL covers math, language arts, science and social studies using interactive practice problems for kids from Pre K to 12th grade. Listeners can get an exclusive 20 off IXL membership when they sign up [e-mail] 20. Visit ixl.com 20 to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Josh Gondelman is here. We went on to the Wikipedia of Red Pill Blues. Found out it was released in 2017, which is a little too late for Maroon 5 to have called that album that. But hey, who are we to judge, right?

[Ember Chuckett]

I'm judging.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you really?

[Ember Chuckett]

I am.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you a judgmental person? You seem like a warm, friendly person.

[Ember Chuckett]

I think I am warm and friendly, but I do. There is some judgment in here and it's mostly for stuff like that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, yeah. You have to be as a comedian, right?

[Ember Chuckett]

I think so.

[Scott Aukerman]

You have to be somewhat judgmental and say like this person needs to be called out on stage by the likes of me.

[Ember Chuckett]

The likes of me. My likes.

[Scott Aukerman]

How many likes do you have on X.com, the Everything app?

[Ember Chuckett]

Oh gosh. I mostly use it for banking. So I don't think a lot about the likes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, it's secure banking.

[Ember Chuckett]

I found it's so secure, which is good because I'm a little bit on edge. So I go there. I just feel secure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, we have to get to our next guest. This is very exciting. We have a trainer and I'm reading she's been on the show before. Okay. Please welcome back to the show Ember Chuckett.

[Josh Gondelman]

Geodude. I choose you, Geodude. Come on, Geodude. When you don't get out of the Pokeball, I feel upset because you promised me you were gonna get out of the Pokeball and not embarrass me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. I remember you. Ember. Ember Chuckett.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're not a personal, like you're not a physical trainer.

[Josh Gondelman]

Scott, we had a 30 minute phone call before this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your pre interview.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yes. Where I said I'm cook, Pokemon trainer.

[Scott Aukerman]

That was me trying to figure out the zoom, all the buttons. I was on mute. I didn't realize my camera was on mute.

[Josh Gondelman]

Do you want me to remind you of what we talked about last time?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Professor Oak sent me here because we had this new initiative with all the Pokemon where because they're sort of isolated inside of the Pokeballs, we gave them Internet. Unfortunately, instead of sort of like, you know, doing fun things like googling YouTube videos, they all got red pilled immediately and sort of became 911 truth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Sort of like the red pill blues that we were talking about.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, kind of exactly like that. They were really. They kept being like really big Matrix fans, but unfortunately it sort of was a little bit late for that reference.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, I kind of remember this, but I, I just. A few follow ups. What is Pokemon again? No.

[Ember Chuckett]

I think it's.

[Scott Aukerman]

Explain this to me. Yeah. Poke Go Pokemon.

[Josh Gondelman]

So Pokemon essentially are little.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this something that goes to the polls? I've heard.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, to us it would be like animals, you know what I mean? Like. But I guess for if they're little, like to you it would be like pocket monsters. You know what I mean? They're like these tiny little like guys and you keep.

[Scott Aukerman]

What do you mean to me? Because I don't know what pocket monsters are.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, I'm from the Kanto region region, so that's just sort of like our wildlife. But.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh yeah, region. Yeah. I have another friend who's from the country.

[Josh Gondelman]

Don't even get me started on this on your other friend that I, I Gun Turtle.

[Dash Grabthem]

I choose you. Oh, Chuck it. How are you?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, hey, dad. Hey, buddy.

[Dash Grabthem]

How's it going?

[Scott Aukerman]

Bring it in, buddy. Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

Hug it out and pound it out. And move to the left.

[Scott Aukerman]

Move to the right. Side to side.

[Josh Gondelman]

And I'm in here too. And I. And I'm moving. Do you have a gun?

[Dash Grabthem]

No. I gave the Squirtle a gun, and now it's a gun turtle. Thanks for giving Internet to that pokeball, by the way. I have not lost a single fight, and everyone I've fought is dead.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay, Dash, this is kind of my thing. This is my interview, so.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, sorry, Josh.

[Ember Chuckett]

I had a little question about that.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, about what?

[Ember Chuckett]

When Pokemon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because I didn't understand any of that.

[Ember Chuckett]

When Pokemon fight, did they usually die or not die?

[Dash Grabthem]

Not.

[Josh Gondelman]

They never did before.

[Ember Chuckett]

Now they die.

[Dash Grabthem]

We've upped the stakes, baby. Now that we got Internet, Internet makes everything better.

[Josh Gondelman]

So, unfortunately, it's been sort of a series of streets.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did you know that I subscribe to that?

[Josh Gondelman]

And you're the only one.

[Scott Aukerman]

But I get it in the mail three days before it comes out on newsstands.

[Ember Chuckett]

Oh, you're a Street Checks Patreon member.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of course. Yeah. Sorry, Josh. These guys. But Dash is my bro. He's been on the show for now, like. Like, like almost a decade, I think.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yes. And I'm still 11 years old.

[Scott Aukerman]

Uhhuh. And he's from the Kanto region.

[Dash Grabthem]

I'm from the Kanto region.

[Josh Gondelman]

And I'm different. I'm Ember, and I'm also 11 years old. And I'm also from the Canto region.

[Dash Grabthem]

We're from the same region.

[Josh Gondelman]

We're from the same region. We're actually. We're actually neighbors. So it's. You know, we've known each other for a very long time.

[Ember Chuckett]

Well, it's really nice to meet you both.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's really nice to meet me because I'm the guest on the show, and Dash is sort of an intruder.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean, we have an open door policy on the show, and guests can kind of come.

[Josh Gondelman]

Because I had to knock a lot because it was locked when I got here.

[Dash Grabthem]

I have a key. Also, I put an apple air tag on Ember, so I sort of know where she is. And when I saw she was coming here.

[Scott Aukerman]

Don't you get that alert? You're traveling with an air tag.

[Josh Gondelman]

No, I have an Android.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, no.

[Dash Grabthem]

But when I saw she was coming here, I was like, well, I gotta come here to see my boy Scott, who I know loves to talk about Pokemon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, I've learned everything I know About Pokemon from you, Dash.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay, that's actually kind of hurtful because we spent a lot of time talking very specifically.

[Dash Grabthem]

Really?

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay. Okay.

[Dash Grabthem]

Wait, you were working on, like, a. A. A thing?

[Josh Gondelman]

Dash. I'm here to give the update from Professor Oak, so if you want to be here, you just kind of have.

[Scott Aukerman]

To be supportive, you know Professor Oak, Dash.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah. He's like, okay, picture the oldest man, you know?

[Josh Gondelman]

Let me explain.

[Dash Grabthem]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Picturing myself.

[Josh Gondelman]

Picture the oldest man, you know? Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

He's like, get myself out of my mind. Hold on.

[Dash Grabthem]

When you turn 11, you send. You get to go to his house, and he's like, here's three.

[Ember Chuckett]

Get you.

[Josh Gondelman]

No, it's totally normal.

[Dash Grabthem]

It takes you to a room in the back, and your parents are not.

[Josh Gondelman]

Closes the door.

[Dash Grabthem]

Closes the door.

[Josh Gondelman]

The lights are off, but then he turns them on, and then he turns.

[Dash Grabthem]

Around in a big chair.

[Ember Chuckett]

They should be on when you get.

[Josh Gondelman]

There, but don't worry. The light is very fluorescent, so it's very, very bright.

[Dash Grabthem]

It's real bright, and it hurts your eyes.

[Josh Gondelman]

He locks the door behind you so that way, the Pokemon can't escape.

[Dash Grabthem]

And then he says, choose one of these three. And you say, I'll take them all. And he says, you can't do that.

[Josh Gondelman]

You can only have one of them.

[Dash Grabthem]

And I say, this gun I have says differently. And then he says, where did you get that? And then I say, the Internet.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. And then he's like, don't you need a license for that? And you are sort of like, well, I used a vpn, and I ordered it from Florid Florida from a gun show. Because you can do that online.

[Scott Aukerman]

3D printed it, too.

[Dash Grabthem]

Or you can. Yes, it's a Ghost Gun. Untrackable.

[Josh Gondelman]

That's how Dash got on the plane with it.

[Ember Chuckett]

Ghost Gun. Is that a Pokemon? I'm behind here.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. No, Ghost guns are something different. You got to look it up.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, but Ghost Gun, Pokemon, it's just not spelled the way you think it's spelled.

[Ember Chuckett]

I'm gonna do this because I like to be on lists.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yep. So. So you guys have known each other for. For years?

[Dash Grabthem]

11 years. Years.

[Scott Aukerman]

Since you turned 11?

[Josh Gondelman]

Since we were born. We were actually born on the same day in the same hospital.

[Dash Grabthem]

Some people say we're related, but we. I. We were raised in different households.

[Josh Gondelman]

We were raised in different households, and I think people think that because we have the same hair and the same eyes and very similar names, and because.

[Dash Grabthem]

I only have a mom who lives with a Mr. Mime, and you only have a dad who lives with the jinx. That we're somehow.

[Josh Gondelman]

But we can't be siblings because I have a ripped. I have half of a ripped photo.

[Dash Grabthem]

And I have the other half of a ripped photo. And if we were siblings, it would be the same half.

[Josh Gondelman]

It would be the same half. It'd be the same photo.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't think that's how it works. Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, I think that's how it works, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Dash Grabthem]

Because you're not in my picture.

[Josh Gondelman]

No. And you're not in my picture.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

You have siblings, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

And in the pictures with your siblings, you're both in them, right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but I haven't ripped them. Okay.

[Dash Grabthem]

That's what it would be. How about you, Josh? You got siblings?

[Ember Chuckett]

I have a sister. And, and she. We are all. When there's a picture of both of us, we're both in it.

[Josh Gondelman]

Exactly.

[Ember Chuckett]

But we haven't. I've never ripped a picture of my sister.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why not?

[Ember Chuckett]

I.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, it's fun.

[Ember Chuckett]

I, I. My hope is that I can go on SNL and do it for the first time, protesting her.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yes. Okay. Style.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, that's really wonderful. Please don't tell the Pokemon that.

[Ember Chuckett]

I would never. I don't. I've never met one.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay, well, hey, maybe we can change that today. Geodude. I choose you.

[Dash Grabthem]

Not coming out.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why is Geodude not coming out?

[Dash Grabthem]

Because.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, okay, I. I'm here to sort of explain sort of the next phase of what Professor Oak was going on. So you got to be so quiet during this part.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay? Hey.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay, what?

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd rather hear this from you.

[Dash Grabthem]

Can I translate, please?

[Josh Gondelman]

You can hype me up to Scott only.

[Dash Grabthem]

Okay?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yes.

[Ember Chuckett]

So I won't listen.

[Dash Grabthem]

What up, fuckers? It's time for Ember Chucket.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay?

[Dash Grabthem]

She's here. By the way, jet fuel doesn't melt steel beams.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay. Don't stand in front of me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Here she is.

[Dash Grabthem]

Thank you, Ember Chucket.

[Josh Gondelman]

Thank you very much for that introduction, Dash.

[Dash Grabthem]

You're welcome.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay, so essentially, here is what happened. Okay? All of the Pokemon got red pilled pretty hard. So we decided they needed some sort of a belief system. So we introduced the Pokemon to world religion in the hopes that it would chill them out a little bit, maybe give them something, something to believe in. We really sort of were like, what about Buddhism or Hinduism?

[Scott Aukerman]

So you started there?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. And so essentially what they decided is they were all going to join the same megachurch in Wheaton, Illinois, and now they're all Part of the Trump administration.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Ember Chuckett]

The Pokemon all are.

[Josh Gondelman]

So my geodude specifically is Secretary of State. The exterior, which basically means he gets filler for everybody else in the industry.

[Dash Grabthem]

That's why he won't come out of the Pokeball. He is not here.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. So we're sort of in group therapy right now, and he's sort of not attending. But that's sort of like a new thing that we're bringing.

[Scott Aukerman]

So all these people we've heard about, the Stephen Millers, they're all Pokemon.

[Dash Grabthem]

A lot of them. A lot of them, but a lot of them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Huh.

[Dash Grabthem]

You ever notice how they're sort of like one dimensional, almost like cartoonishly evil? Yeah, that's usually. That's a Pokemon.

[Josh Gondelman]

That's a Pokemon Cristine Gnome just is a monster. Just sort of is like a normal person. But the rest of them pretty much are Pokemon.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so is this a problem or is this cool? I can't tell from.

[Josh Gondelman]

I don't know, Scott. Is it a problem sort of having an animal run the. Run the country? Having sort of like a little sort of like pocket monster sort of.

[Dash Grabthem]

Only instinct is to battle and fight.

[Josh Gondelman]

Other things, and then when they die, sort of regenerate and get back up and fight some more.

[Ember Chuckett]

And they have guns now?

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, some of. Some of them do.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. Some of them have grenade launchers.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is RFK Jr. A Pokemon? He looks like he's died like 20 times.

[Dash Grabthem]

There's one in south of him.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, inside the brain. The worm is a Pokemon.

[Dash Grabthem]

Brain worm.

[Scott Aukerman]

I choose you.

[Dash Grabthem]

Except I never.

[Ember Chuckett]

And I read in the New York Times that he once hit a Pokemon with a car and just put it on the top.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

This guy.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. Okay, so. So you guys want to, what, recapture the Pokemon and. And take them back or what? What are you doing here?

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, my God. We never even considered that.

[Dash Grabthem]

Once they're sort of out, they're sort of out. Yeah, I mean, I spent a lot of time trying to like capture subjugate train bring to battle. Oh, by the way, Scott, here's what I actually came to say.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, I won it all, baby. What do you mean you won the Pokemon League?

[Scott Aukerman]

You won the poke. Congrats, dad.

[Dash Grabthem]

Pokemon. Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

You were talking about that for so long.

[Dash Grabthem]

I know. Well, first I was like, I want to win it all. Then I kept getting my ass handed to me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right?

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah. Especially when I lost the use of our mutual friend, Andy Richter.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was trapped in the Pokemon ball.

[Dash Grabthem]

For a while, and then Decided he didn't want to be there anymore.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm really sorry about that, Dash. Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, that's okay. He doesn't return my calls.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think you're not on Three Questions.

[Ember Chuckett]

He has a radio show where people call in. Maybe you could call his radio show.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, just call in.

[Dash Grabthem]

No, I don't have a phone. I just have a sort of tablet that I use to track Ember with the airtag.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's sort of one of those ones where it's like, I can always tell what he's Googling because it also shows up on my notifications.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Dash Grabthem]

And then sometimes my mom gets mad, and she turns off the T mobile, and then I just have. I have to go to a coffee shop, get WI Fi.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, but then you started working at that coffee shop, and you make a mean macchiato.

[Dash Grabthem]

I work at.

[Scott Aukerman]

You do? Really?

[Dash Grabthem]

Pete's Coffee.

[Scott Aukerman]

You. You work at Pete's? That should be spelled P, E, T E, S, right?

[Dash Grabthem]

The one I work at is.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, it is in the contour region.

[Dash Grabthem]

It's spelled in the contour region.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's P E, T E, S. Yeah, that makes more sense.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, so, I mean. Yeah, this seems like a simple solution. Is either.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, does it seem like a simple solution, Sky? It seems like a really simple solution.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I've never played this Pokemon thing that you guys are talking about, so I. I have no idea how hard life Scott. I have played life.

[Ember Chuckett]

These children are so confident.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know. It's a new generation.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's kind of crazy because we keep getting asked to be on podcasts, and then we'll sort of, like, explain our problems. And Scott's like, how would you solve it? And then we're like, we're 11 years old. It's like all the adults in our life, Professor Oak, too, they're, like, constantly putting all of these massive, like, real world problems on us, and we're like, oh, how would you guys fix it? How would you guys solve it?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, there's one very simple solution. Some might say the final solution, which is just to exterminate all of them.

[Ember Chuckett]

The final solution. Is that a Maroon 5 album?

[Dash Grabthem]

Hold on, let me Google that. Really?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Ember Chuckett]

Nobody told them not to call it that.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think. I think you just, you know, exterminate them all. Let God sort it out, and then start all over with a Pokemon.

[Dash Grabthem]

I actually accidentally had Siri on. So all that is in the search right now.

[Scott Aukerman]

You had cereal? The podcast.

[Dash Grabthem]

Sort it out. What?

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, Siri on.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, Siri oh, cereal.

[Dash Grabthem]

The podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, the first podcast.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Adam and Eve of podcasts.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

We have that in the Kanto region, too. But it's about how Captain CR Killed the Count Chocula.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I had no idea.

[Dash Grabthem]

Snapped his neck right in half.

[Scott Aukerman]

He has that sword. What does he need to.

[Josh Gondelman]

Sometimes when you're that angry, you don't even go for the weapon.

[Dash Grabthem]

Apparently, swords don't work on vampires, too.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Ember Chuckett]

And so what was the podcast about? It just kind of detailed what had been in the news.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, there was some because there wasn't a camera in the room, so it was sort of like. It was like a. He said he didn't do it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Did they finally set him free after the podcast exonerated him or.

[Josh Gondelman]

I don't know that they've set him free yet. Did they?

[Dash Grabthem]

I don't know.

[Josh Gondelman]

I don't know.

[Dash Grabthem]

I think they's in the process of being set free. It's tricky because Count Chocula is sort of up and walking around, but he is legally dead.

[Josh Gondelman]

Legally dead?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

But we don't know if he was always legally dead or if he's just now.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the tough thing. You can't. You can't be tried twice for a murder that didn't.

[Dash Grabthem]

Well, yeah, in the Kanto region, you can absolutely be tried twice for the same crime.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, this is a weird.

[Ember Chuckett]

This justice system. Sounds like there's. It's. There's some real flaws in it.

[Mark Fripp]

Well, not like our perfect one.

[Dash Grabthem]

We don't pay a lot of attention. Well, I don't. I won't speak for Ember. I don't pay a ton of attention to it because I'm mostly focused on racking up those badges.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, so you won the.

[Dash Grabthem]

The league?

[Scott Aukerman]

You. The league.

[Josh Gondelman]

So the Indigo League.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you still can. I don't know what these things are, but do you still continue on?

[Dash Grabthem]

I'm reigning champion, which means now I have to fight whoever comes up next.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you ever battled in this league?

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, Ember, have you ever battled in this league?

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay, shut up, Dash. Yes, I tried battling in the league once, actually. I made it all the way to the final gym, and I had to battle the reigning champion in order to try and win.

[Scott Aukerman]

Who was the reigning champion at that time?

[Josh Gondelman]

Time Dash was the reigning champion at that time.

[Scott Aukerman]

Dash, you were the reigning champion. Congrats, buddy.

[Dash Grabthem]

Thank you so much. I forgot to mention, I've been the reigning champion for two years.

[Scott Aukerman]

Congrats, man.

[Dash Grabthem]

Story that Ember's talking about takes place last year.

[Josh Gondelman]

Last year.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Josh Gondelman]

So I sort of worked really hard. I got all these badges. I got to the final battle.

[Dash Grabthem]

You did really well.

[Josh Gondelman]

And it was kind of crazy because it was the first time my dad had ever come to watch me perform. And your mom was also in the stands.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, they were next to each other in the stands. We kept looking at each other. I was like, what's going on?

[Josh Gondelman]

I was like, like, that's so weird.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's so many seats in this.

[Josh Gondelman]

In these stands, and they were all empty.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

Which was. Which was unusual because it was the finals, which is like a big thing where we.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not a popular event.

[Ember Chuckett]

It was like the NBA bubble, where it was just you guys, the Pokemon, the referees.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yes.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

They didn't want.

[Scott Aukerman]

They didn't want Covid hit the Kanto.

[Dash Grabthem]

Region, by the way, just last year.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Finally got around there.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's why Dash has been the reigning champion for the last two years.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's just been, like.

[Dash Grabthem]

There have not been. If I'm being honest, Scott, there haven't been a lot of other competitors in the league. I did try to. Did the league. Normally, this. This stadium seats what, 60,000 people?

[Josh Gondelman]

62.

[Scott Aukerman]

But there it was only your mom and dad this year.

[Ember Chuckett]

Your mom and your dad.

[Dash Grabthem]

I don't have a dad. And that's just how it is.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Josh Gondelman]

And my mom went to war and never came back, is what my dad said.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. Well, I guess if I showed up to an empty stadium, I'd probably sit next to the only other person there. It would be weird if you were like, you know, on. On opposite ends of the stadium.

[Dash Grabthem]

It was good that they didn't sit on other sides because I would have gotten distracted. Anyway.

[Josh Gondelman]

Sorry.

[Scott Aukerman]

Anyway, so what happened in this big battle?

[Josh Gondelman]

Essentially what happened was me and my dad had this secret code that we would do where anytime I would look at him, he'd give me a thumbs up. And so I. I sort of.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, That's a secret code? Anytime he would look at you, anytime I. Oh, right.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. Anytime he would look at me, I would give him a thumbs up. He gets really nervous in the stands.

[Scott Aukerman]

So any. So even if you weren't looking at him, but he looked at you, I.

[Josh Gondelman]

Would give him a thumbs up. I'd still look at what I was doing, but I'd give him a thumbs up just to let him have with a parent. Yeah. It was really, really amazing. I love taking care of my dad. It's a big part of my responsibility as an 11 year old in The Kanto region.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe. So much responsibility for an 11 year old, but in any case, go ahead.

[Josh Gondelman]

So essentially what happened was I could feel him looking at me. I gave him a thumbs up, and at the second that I could look at him, I saw him crying and running out of the arena. And that messed me up so badly.

[Scott Aukerman]

What happened? Why was he crying? Why did he run out?

[Dash Grabthem]

I don't know. His crying must have been contagious because my mom was right next to him sobbing her eyes out.

[Josh Gondelman]

So we took a technical time out to make sure that crying wasn't a Covid symptom.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks for making the T symbol three times.

[Dash Grabthem]

Technical time out.

[Josh Gondelman]

Technical time out.

[Scott Aukerman]

I get the idea. Thank you.

[Josh Gondelman]

You seem like you needed the symbols.

[Scott Aukerman]

I appreciate it.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

I don't know how it turns.

[Dash Grabthem]

We can look up the Wikipedia entry for time out, but only if you'll.

[Josh Gondelman]

Read the whole thing to us. Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Has the show gone downhill? I'm just reading Wikipedia pages.

[Josh Gondelman]

The show can have gone downhill. The stars are back. Probably, right?

[Dash Grabthem]

Stars are back.

[Ember Chuckett]

Do I have Wikipedia?

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you otherwise know? Dash, grab them. Let's see.

[Josh Gondelman]

Wait, do you think you have. Do you think I'm a part of your Wikipedia?

[Scott Aukerman]

Nothing coming up, unfortunately.

[Josh Gondelman]

Dang.

[Dash Grabthem]

Check. Cantopedia.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, Tech Cantopia.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have Dash. American rapper. Is that you?

[Dash Grabthem]

Might be.

[Mark Fripp]

Wait, do you rap?

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

You do have that really famous rap song. Yeah, it's to the. It's. It's. It's to sort of the beat of the Star Spangled Banner. It's like a trap mix of the Star Spangled Banner.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, say can you see the government is lying to me. That's how it starts.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's how it starts. I can't wait to hear how it ends.

[Ember Chuckett]

It's incendiary.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, it turns into a patter song. Ready? 5, 6, 7, 8.

[Dash Grabthem]

And everyone is there and they are being very mad. And if you look into the stairs, you'll find your mom, but not your dad, because you do not have a dad and you only have a mom. Oh, no. Everybody hide from the bombs.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, say, can you say this is dynamite. I haven't heard this. This is popular, though, in the Kanto region.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, it's so popular. It's been number one for the last two years.

[Dash Grabthem]

Has gotten rid of a lot of the other musical artists.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. You have a lot going on, Dash. This is incredible. Oh, by the way. So the. Your mom and dad both ran out of the stadium. What happened to the competition at that point?

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, at that Point. I get all flustered. I'm really worried about it. And so I'm sort of like, you know, trying to rush Geodude out of the ball. I'm getting a little bit flustered. He doesn't want to get out because he doesn't think I'm appreciating him. And also, he doesn't take orders from women anymore. It was a really kind of a tough situation.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So what happened?

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, hydro cannon. I blastoise. Did a hydro cannon and just knocked.

[Josh Gondelman]

Straight to the ball. I got ball straight to the temple. I passed out.

[Dash Grabthem]

Woke up three days ago. Some people think that it's a good strategy to have the Pokemon fight the other Pokemon. I find if you take out the trainer, that's gonna sort of take care of all.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's where all the other Pokemon comes.

[Josh Gondelman]

Pretty messed up.

[Dash Grabthem]

Not anymore, but at the time they didn't. It was more of a norm and not a rule, and they decided it needs to now be a rule.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but this is. You got to take out the alien queen, you know, and. And then all the other aliens just sort of like, lie down and go to sleep. Alien In. In the Alien franchise. The Ridley Scott.

[Dash Grabthem]

Sorry, but the Alien.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you not know that word or do you not know the franchise?

[Dash Grabthem]

Alien.

[Josh Gondelman]

Alien.

[Scott Aukerman]

Alien.

[Josh Gondelman]

The franchise. I know for sure.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Then you must know the word.

[Dash Grabthem]

I'm familiar with the film.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. What's your name?

[Scott Aukerman]

So Alien. Covenant.

[Dash Grabthem]

Ridley Scott.

[Ember Chuckett]

Ridley Bitter Scott.

[Josh Gondelman]

Ridley Bitter Scott.

[Dash Grabthem]

Wax music. But Alien.

[Scott Aukerman]

How do you feel about Prometheus? If I were to say that word.

[Josh Gondelman]

Prometheus. I know the deity. But what are you part of the alien?

[Dash Grabthem]

I know the legend about fire.

[Josh Gondelman]

Right?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes, Josh.

[Ember Chuckett]

Okay, maybe we can try a different tact. Like if you want to defeat all of Abba, you have to take out the dancing queen.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes. There you go.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah, that's a place to start.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, that one I understood.

[Scott Aukerman]

You understand that. Okay. You've seen Voyager, huh?

[Ember Chuckett]

Abba?

[Scott Aukerman]

Voyager. Is that what it is or. No, that's Star Trek Voyage.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, I thought you.

[Ember Chuckett]

So we gotta write out the voice now.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have to. This is our third project together. I'm gonna be a huge part of your Wikipedia page.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, I thought you guys were talking about music.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's true.

[Josh Gondelman]

Thought you guys were talking about music. Abba. Yeah, the notes.

[Scott Aukerman]

No. Well.

[Dash Grabthem]

Do you have perfect pitch?

[Scott Aukerman]

Dash, that was beautiful.

[Dash Grabthem]

I have relative pitch.

[Josh Gondelman]

That's always number two on the track.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, that's it. That's the whole song.

[Josh Gondelman]

The whole song.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that must be embarrassing. For you, Ember, to be blasted in the face with a hydro cannon like that.

[Dash Grabthem]

Well, no one El was there to.

[Josh Gondelman]

Watch, including my dad. I woke up in the hospital and he wasn't even there.

[Scott Aukerman]

Have you seen him since?

[Josh Gondelman]

Have I seen my dad since?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that's the question. I. Wait.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah. My mom was in the hospital and, like, weeping over you, and she wouldn't talk to you.

[Josh Gondelman]

She wouldn't.

[Dash Grabthem]

When you woke up, we were like. I was like, mom, what are you doing at the hospital?

[Scott Aukerman]

She must have got the wrong hospital.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. I thought she was a nurse for the second. Then I'm like, I recognize you. You were at the battle, right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And she was weeping over you. And then what were you doing?

[Dash Grabthem]

I was outside trying to find my mom, and all there was was an inconsolable man who I remembered was your dad.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

Who was like, I have to tell them. I have to tell them.

[Josh Gondelman]

And because my dad wasn't around, your mom just sort of like, was like, well, why don't you come stay with me for a couple of days? But you weren't around at all. Where were you? Oh, I sort of was staying with your mom for a little bit.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah. In my room.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And then what happened?

[Josh Gondelman]

Were you with my dad during that time?

[Dash Grabthem]

No. He really wanted me to take care of him. And I was like, nah, this is.

[Ember Chuckett]

Too much for your living.

[Dash Grabthem]

Not for me. My mom and I have a sort of of like. She fills up my T mobile prepaid card when I need her to. And apart from that, I do not see her that much.

[Josh Gondelman]

Wow.

[Dash Grabthem]

She and the Mr. Mime take care of the house. I think the Mr. Mime does a lot of the work. Your dad lives with the Jinx, which is wild.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. Which was. It was.

[Dash Grabthem]

I don't like her.

[Josh Gondelman]

She's my stepmom.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, really?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Ember Chuckett]

What she. What's the Jinx?

[Dash Grabthem]

Do you have a phone?

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

Google Jinx Pokemon. Really?

[Scott Aukerman]

Google Jinx first and then see if Robert.

[Josh Gondelman]

I think you're gonna need the visual on.

[Dash Grabthem]

The visual is important. This is a po. This is a woman Pokemon who sort of post 2020 maybe. Wouldn't have been. Wouldn't have been one like Jinx is.

[Josh Gondelman]

Is definitely has Jinx.

[Scott Aukerman]

Looks a slightly like a racist caricature.

[Dash Grabthem]

You know, that is exactly sort of what I was thinking it.

[Josh Gondelman]

Absolutely.

[Dash Grabthem]

That is absolutely blackface vibes to it, for sure.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, a lot of the pictures are colored purple, but even that saying that sound, I just kind of think the color purple. But. But there are several that are just pure jet black.

[Dash Grabthem]

Anyway, Jinx is Ember's stepmom.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, sort of, yeah. It's. My dad is a little bit problematic across the board. He keeps saying, I'm trying to sort of, like, fill. Fill sort of this void that I have inside me. And. And you're not total. Well, I mean, like, he doesn't say it like this, but I can tell, like, you know, raising me isn't totally doing that. And he sort of.

[Dash Grabthem]

You should try just sort of, like, leaving the house and not coming back for love. Long periods of time. Going on an adventure around the world, winning badges and friends, giving the animals around you firearms.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, this is what Dash did. And you. I mean, you've been doing this for 11 years, since you were 11 years old, right?

[Dash Grabthem]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

And, you know, I mean, that must be hard on your parents to have kids that never age to your parents age.

[Dash Grabthem]

I don't really pay attention. I don't know.

[Ember Chuckett]

Does yours?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, it's really hard to say. Yeah, it's just sort of peanut style, where when they talk, they just kind.

[Scott Aukerman]

Of go like, so, you know peanuts. You know the Aliens franchise?

[Dash Grabthem]

Well, no, we know Peanuts. The. The food.

[Josh Gondelman]

The food.

[Dash Grabthem]

You know, you know, when you eat.

[Josh Gondelman]

Peanuts and you go.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, when you eat it, you go.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

What did you think we were talking about?

[Scott Aukerman]

No idea. But in any case, I mean, that's. That's a hard. That's a tough loss for you, Amber.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

And it must be tough for you to be in Dash's shadow. He's so accomplished for an 11 year old.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, I'm not going to be in a shadow much longer because I'm taking your advice and I actually am moving.

[Scott Aukerman]

Whoa.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yes.

[Scott Aukerman]

What was my advice?

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm taking Dash's advice. So you got so mad at me for doing the timeout, and then I pointed to Dash and sort of like that. That just was like, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

I didn't notice it. Yeah. I'm only looking at you from the chin up at this point.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, well, that's because this table is so tall.

[Scott Aukerman]

Because we're so short.

[Josh Gondelman]

We're so short.

[Dash Grabthem]

11 years old.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. So you're gonna move out? This is big news.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm going to the Galerian region.

[Scott Aukerman]

The Galerian region? Where is that?

[Dash Grabthem]

You sure you want start with that?

[Josh Gondelman]

Of course. Why wouldn't I want to start with that?

[Dash Grabthem]

I don't know. It's just.

[Josh Gondelman]

No, I don't want to start with that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You've been there, Dash. You've Been all over.

[Josh Gondelman]

Why would I not want to start with the glaring region?

[Dash Grabthem]

Gang activity in the glaring.

[Josh Gondelman]

What do you mean, gang activity?

[Dash Grabthem]

There's like, a pretty prominent gang there. Sort of. Sort of messing with that.

[Josh Gondelman]

I fight with Team Rocket all the time.

[Dash Grabthem]

They are not like Team Rocket.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, why aren't they like Team Rocket?

[Dash Grabthem]

Because Team Rocket is essentially. It's a. A comedy dude duo.

[Josh Gondelman]

Sure, they're pretty funny.

[Dash Grabthem]

They are.

[Ember Chuckett]

They're hilarious.

[Josh Gondelman]

Hilarious.

[Dash Grabthem]

This is like a real gang.

[Josh Gondelman]

Amber, who is it, like, Giovanni?

[Dash Grabthem]

No, Giovanni's Team Rock.

[Josh Gondelman]

I know. That's what I'm saying. Is it, like, worse than that?

[Dash Grabthem]

It's worse than that.

[Josh Gondelman]

What is it? Tell me.

[Dash Grabthem]

I don't know. Sort of, like, wear, like, a lot of chains.

[Scott Aukerman]

What?

[Dash Grabthem]

They wear a lot of, like, chains and black. And they're scary.

[Josh Gondelman]

What do you mean by that?

[Dash Grabthem]

They're just scary.

[Scott Aukerman]

They wear black jeans, chain chains on their. Like. Like gold chains around their. Their. Their. Their necks.

[Dash Grabthem]

You know what? That store, Hot Topic.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Ember Chuckett]

And you know Hot Topic?

[Dash Grabthem]

The store?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

Is it a reference to something?

[Ember Chuckett]

No, I didn't know if you knew the store.

[Dash Grabthem]

Do you know the store?

[Ember Chuckett]

Hot Topic? I do know the store.

[Dash Grabthem]

That's what I'm referencing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Josh Gondelman]

Malls by us are just Orange Julius, Hot Topic and a Blockbuster.

[Mark Fripp]

That's more than malls here.

[Dash Grabthem]

And a Pokemon Center. And a police station.

[Josh Gondelman]

And a police station.

[Ember Chuckett]

Did you still have Blockbuster Video?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, of course.

[Dash Grabthem]

How do you rent your video?

[Scott Aukerman]

Guess so. I. I mean, it's a tough area, according to Dash, but.

[Dash Grabthem]

No, it's great. You're going to the Garan region.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're going to grow up a little bit.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, I'm going to the Garan region.

[Dash Grabthem]

Okay. What are you bringing? What's your loadout?

[Josh Gondelman]

Of course I'm bringing a change of clothes. But it's the exact same clothes that I'm wearing right now.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah. Never change your clothes. No, pick an outfit and wear it forever.

[Josh Gondelman]

Forever.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Josh Gondelman]

Don't ever change.

[Scott Aukerman]

This is good advice.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm bringing my Pokemon. Of course.

[Dash Grabthem]

Well, that's what I meant. Specifically, which ones?

[Josh Gondelman]

My best friend, Geodude, he doesn't. He's first of Geodude. I would choose you.

[Dash Grabthem]

He's working for the United States government, slowly dismantling democracy.

[Josh Gondelman]

But when I need him, he's going to be there.

[Dash Grabthem]

He's never. What? What leads you to believe that?

[Josh Gondelman]

Because I believe in the power of friendship.

[Dash Grabthem]

Okay.

[Josh Gondelman]

And it's just kind of like, if I don't have Geodude, who else Do I have you?

[Dash Grabthem]

Can I offer something to you?

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay.

[Dash Grabthem]

Faith.

[Josh Gondelman]

What kind?

[Dash Grabthem]

Mega faith.

[Josh Gondelman]

Like. Like a mega church.

[Dash Grabthem]

Like a mega church faith.

[Josh Gondelman]

You did not get pilled in this megachurch.

[Scott Aukerman]

Also.

[Dash Grabthem]

Hold on.

[Josh Gondelman]

Listen.

[Dash Grabthem]

Picture faith, okay? Picture Jesus.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay?

[Dash Grabthem]

Evolve him.

[Josh Gondelman]

Sure.

[Dash Grabthem]

Mega Jesus. Jesus ex.

[Scott Aukerman]

This guy sounds cool.

[Ember Chuckett]

Yeah, he is great.

[Dash Grabthem]

He's got four arms. Each of them has a sword.

[Scott Aukerman]

Each of them has a sword. Can he turn water into wine?

[Dash Grabthem]

He can turn blood into dead people.

[Josh Gondelman]

Can I ask you something? I've been seeing all these flyers around town that say you're going on tour and I assumed it was for your music. Please tell me you're going on tour for your music and not for this.

[Dash Grabthem]

I mean, there's music in it. Oh, no music in the opening.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're going on tour, man.

[Dash Grabthem]

I'm opening for this preacher man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. This is a hot ticket.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Ever since we introduced religion to the Pokemon, it's really sort of taken off like wildfire.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I mean that. That's what happens with religion. You know, you introduce it to a bunch of people and then. Or. Or creatures, I guess. And then, you know, it's sort of.

[Dash Grabthem]

A hard line between Pokemon and creatures and people. Because I had a cat once and then I battled with it and then it turned into a bigger cat and then I battled with it a little more and then it turned into a professional wrestler. Wrestler.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's the trouble with cats is, you know, just so often they turn into professional.

[Dash Grabthem]

And then I just had this man with me with a head of a cat, but it was a professional wrestler.

[Scott Aukerman]

Which is like fine to have a pet, a cat who's just like lounging around on your sofa, but then it's a man. Then it's like a smelly bo.

[Dash Grabthem]

And it's like a different. Living with a cat is different than living with a man.

[Ember Chuckett]

Definitely.

[Josh Gondelman]

That was the exact same as me. I had a duck with a coif. I had a duck with a slightly bigger cough. And then I had a model.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Wow.

[Dash Grabthem]

And living with a model that would.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's been really bad for my self esteem. Honestly, outside of this stuff with my dad, it's a big part of the reason why I'm getting out of here for a little bit.

[Dash Grabthem]

1. And also, have you noticed this one time I was riding around on my bike and then the bike opened its eyes.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

And I was like, oh, shit, this bike is a Pokemon.

[Josh Gondelman]

I threw a Pokeball one time. It was a mushroom.

[Dash Grabthem]

I ate an ice cream. It was a Pokemon.

[Josh Gondelman]

I built a sandcastle. One time with a little heart.

[Dash Grabthem]

This is not like the Kanto region at all. I hate it. You gotta be. Gotta keep your head on a swivel, Scott. Cuz sometimes the stuff around you, that computer could have a Pokemon in it and you just thought it was a computer and you're Googling whatever nasty stuff that you're googling.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wikipedia pages.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, you probably.

[Josh Gondelman]

Sometimes you're touching the keys and it's nipples.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, geez.

[Dash Grabthem]

And then Wikipedia is like, we gotta block this guy. He's touching nipples on his computer.

[Josh Gondelman]

He's got a two year block.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, I mean this sounds. I mean it sounds great for you. And remember, you're gonna. You're gonna grow up, you're gonna get a little more mature. You're still gonna be 11 years old. Of course.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, yeah. To why would you want to go to the Galarian region? Go on adventure and you want to. Want to go with me?

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah. I'll go on adventure and sort of.

[Josh Gondelman]

Like explore and like catch Pokemon and.

[Dash Grabthem]

Sort of like get win gym badges. Every town we go to will have a very specific problem that only we can solve.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay, fine. So yeah, I guess I'll bring that. I'll bring my Pokemon and then I guess if we got your Pokemon then we'll be a little bit safer. And then the only other thing thing I'm going to bring is this photo of my.

[Dash Grabthem]

I'll bring this photo.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wait, you guys are almost touching the photos together.

[Josh Gondelman]

Anyway, let's get going.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Oh, you put them back in your pocket. Okay, well that sounds great. Just knowing what I know about you guys. Make sure nothing romantic happens on this trip together.

[Dash Grabthem]

We're 11 years old.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are you talking about?

[Josh Gondelman]

Scott, make sure nothing romantic happens.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm just saying.

[Ember Chuckett]

Children's section booties.

[Josh Gondelman]

Are you afraid we're going to kiss lips like this? Is that you're gonna kiss the lips like this?

[Scott Aukerman]

Stop that.

[Ember Chuckett]

Please.

[Josh Gondelman]

Look at my tongue, Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh God, no. Please guys, don't do this. Oh no. Okay, guys, guys, we have to take a break. I'm so sorry.

[Josh Gondelman]

You're so gross.

[Scott Aukerman]

You guys are gross.

[Ember Chuckett]

That was pretty gross.

[Scott Aukerman]

We have to take a break. But when we come back we have a longevity expert. Josh, I know you need to go, but thank you for having me. Oh yeah, thanks for coming on. We have a longevity expert. We're gonna be right back with more ember chucket. More dash Grab them. And a longevity expert. We're going to be right back with more comedy Bang Bang after this.

[Ember Chuckett]

Netcredit is here. To say yes to a personal loan or line of credit when other lenders say no. Apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by NetCredit application subject.

[Dash Grabthem]

To review and approval.

[Ember Chuckett]

Learn [e-mail] partner NetCredit credit to the.

[Laci Mosley]

People what's poppin listeners? I'm Lacy Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess. The show that's an ode to Frau and all those who practice it. Each week I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time. Wanna know about the fake errors? We got em? What about a career con man? We've got them too. Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins. Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicole Byer, Ira Madison iii, Conan o' Brien and more. Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your piece.

[Andy Richter]

Podcasts if you're a parent and want to help set up your child for success, then IXL is right for your family as an effective and affordable online learning program. IXL covers math, language arts, science and social studies using interactive practice problems for kids from Pre K to 12th grade. Listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up [e-mail] 20. Visit ixl.com 20 to get the most effective learning program out there there at the best price.

[Scott Aukerman]

Comedy Bang Bang. We are back. Josh Gondelman of positive reinforcement. He had to go. But during the break, Ember and Dash have been just full on making out.

[Dash Grabthem]

This entire to prove that we're not gonna.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you're like getting it out of.

[Josh Gondelman]

Your system as a joke.

[Scott Aukerman]

As a joke. Okay. This is funny what you're doing.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's hilarious. Don't you think this is funny? He's got.

[Dash Grabthem]

All right, all right. Well, we need think we're the reason that Josh left.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. Yeah, I mean honestly, I wish I could leave.

[Josh Gondelman]

We kept going. Josh, watch this. Watch this. Josh, watch.

[Dash Grabthem]

This is so funny. And he was like I have to edit my Wikipedia.

[Scott Aukerman]

And he just took off. In any case, we have to get to our final guest of the show. He is a longevity expert now. I wonder what his tips will be other than just constantly remain 11 years old as oh, do you think he'll.

[Josh Gondelman]

Teach us how to turn 12?

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah. Can you? She just said it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Age. Do you guys want to age? Have you been through puberty yet?

[Dash Grabthem]

Desperately no, we're 11 years old.

[Josh Gondelman]

11 years old, Scott.

[Dash Grabthem]

I feel like I'm on the cusp.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, you got one hair on your lip.

[Scott Aukerman]

You saw it?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

It's really long, though. It's, like, all the way down to your butt.

[Dash Grabthem]

I actually think it might be just like a horse hair. That's stuck.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's stuck? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's horse poop on the end of it, and it just. What are you doing with a horse that.

[Dash Grabthem]

Eating its poop? Why?

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. All right.

[Josh Gondelman]

Why?

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, no judgment happens here.

[Dash Grabthem]

How do you get your fort. Protein? The Internet said that real men get their protein right? From the strongest animal, a horse.

[Josh Gondelman]

I can fix you.

[Dash Grabthem]

Okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Well, let's get to our last guest. He's a longevity expert. Please welcome Mark Fripp.

[Dash Grabthem]

Hello.

[Mark Fripp]

Thank you, Scott. Thank you for having me.

[Scott Aukerman]

My pleasure, Mark. So wonderful to have you. This is Dash. This is Ember.

[Josh Gondelman]

Hey, Mark.

[Dash Grabthem]

Hi, Mark.

[Mark Fripp]

Pleasure to meet you.

[Dash Grabthem]

Children, voice is so low.

[Scott Aukerman]

What a manly voice.

[Mark Fripp]

Thank you very much.

[Josh Gondelman]

And you're so hot.

[Dash Grabthem]

High.

[Josh Gondelman]

And they're very tall.

[Mark Fripp]

Very tall.

[Dash Grabthem]

How'd you do it?

[Mark Fripp]

How to do it? Well, took a lot of effort, a lot of time. Yeah, I've been studying longevity.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Oh, okay. I would. I mean, you're an expert at it, so I would imagine you would have to study it occasionally, if not often.

[Mark Fripp]

I studied frequently.

[Scott Aukerman]

Frequently, yeah. Great.

[Mark Fripp]

At various longevity venues in New York.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, now what. When you say longevity, what exactly are you talking about?

[Mark Fripp]

Just the length of jevity. Like, how long people live and people.

[Scott Aukerman]

So people. Longevity people.

[Mark Fripp]

But other, you know, whatever's alive. Longevity applies to it, and I would like it to be less. I'm against longevity.

[Scott Aukerman]

You. You're advocating for people's lives to be shorter?

[Mark Fripp]

Much shorter.

[Scott Aukerman]

Scott, how much shorter are we talking about?

[Mark Fripp]

As short as we can get them.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, that's. Occasionally that happens where it's only about.

[Mark Fripp]

Not like that. That's cheating.

[Scott Aukerman]

What is cheating?

[Mark Fripp]

When you. When a baby dies, that's cheating. That's not.

[Scott Aukerman]

Not.

[Mark Fripp]

We're trying to get the human lifespan as short as it possibly can get.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, well, now, in caveman times, they were. It was somewhere in the teens or the twenties.

[Mark Fripp]

That was pretty good. I think we can get back there with that.

[Scott Aukerman]

You want to get down to the 20s?

[Mark Fripp]

I think we can get down to the 20s, even the teens.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do you want to do this? This sounds. I mean, a lot of people want to experience everything life has to offer, and if they were to perish in their 20s, they wouldn't get to see their loved ones grow up.

[Mark Fripp]

Scott, I do want to do everything. I want to see everything life has to offer.

[Scott Aukerman]

I want to.

[Mark Fripp]

I want to experience the world.

[Scott Aukerman]

World.

[Mark Fripp]

People procrastinate. We're lazy. We're lazy species because they think, oh.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, I'll get to that.

[Mark Fripp]

I'll get to it. I'm going to be 50, 70, and.

[Scott Aukerman]

Like, for me, I. I might do this in my 30s at some point.

[Mark Fripp]

That's right. You may get there, but the shorter the lifespan, the faster. There's just an imperative to get moving. Carpe the diem.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay, so I'll say in the Kanto region, there was sort of like a string where people were getting water blasted to the temple and not making it out of the hospital. So you think that that's a positive of thing?

[Mark Fripp]

You know, again, that's cheating. What you want to do is bring down the lifespan naturally.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah. You want God to water blast you to the temple.

[Mark Fripp]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

I see. So now when the. When life expectancy was in the twenties and caveman times, it was because, like, a saber tooth tiger would eat you. But you want saber tooth tiger.

[Josh Gondelman]

What is that?

[Scott Aukerman]

A tiger? Do you know tiger?

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Fripp]

Do you know mewtwo? Yes, Like a smaller, smaller Mewtwo, kind of red fur, big teeth.

[Dash Grabthem]

Sounds rare. Very powerful.

[Mark Fripp]

Well, rare.

[Dash Grabthem]

Now you have a saber tooth tiger.

[Scott Aukerman]

I don't have one.

[Dash Grabthem]

Gotta get you in the tournament, bud. No, you're gonna slay.

[Josh Gondelman]

I think you would be sensational.

[Scott Aukerman]

I sold mine after Siegfried and Roy had the accident, so I. I don't have one anymore.

[Dash Grabthem]

Go on Google, see if I can find one.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, but in any case, you want people to die of natural causes in their twenties?

[Mark Fripp]

I think so. I think if we could get the human lifespan short, people would get busy living much sooner. You'd be accomplishing your dreams at 7, 8, 9, 11 years old.

[Dash Grabthem]

I'm 11 years old.

[Mark Fripp]

That's right. And how many of your dreams have you lived?

[Dash Grabthem]

One.

[Mark Fripp]

And how many dreams do you have?

[Dash Grabthem]

One.

[Mark Fripp]

That's perfect. 100% dream living. You could die tomorrow. It would be fine.

[Dash Grabthem]

I'm never going to die.

[Mark Fripp]

Well, this is contrary to my research, but, hey, you do.

[Scott Aukerman]

You could be the first person to never die.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, technically, Dash also has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, so he's been promised that he will never die at all.

[Dash Grabthem]

Evolved. Jesus Christ.

[Josh Gondelman]

Which means he gets to go to double heaven.

[Mark Fripp]

Now, you two have. Have done some really spectacular work. It is the band.

[Scott Aukerman]

You two have we switched topics?

[Mark Fripp]

Yes. Now, speaking about people who should have stopped a long time ago.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, come on, Scott.

[Josh Gondelman]

Do you want me to move Jacob's ladder? Jacob left his ladder. Do you want me to move it?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Do you mind?

[Dash Grabthem]

It's making you uncomfortable. I know you would much rather talk about Pokemon than about the band. You, too. Well, so we can go back. Back to Pokemon.

[Josh Gondelman]

We know how much you hate.

[Scott Aukerman]

Let's go back to Pokemon because of who's in the room. But so I. Do you want diseases to come back? I mean, Measles is having a moment right now.

[Mark Fripp]

Measles is back in a big way, and I am loving it. It's putting the pressure on people to do their thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right.

[Mark Fripp]

Like, you know that book there's the Four Hour Work Week.

[Scott Aukerman]

I've heard it. The Four Hour. That seems too low.

[Mark Fripp]

Well, I'm trying to get it lower.

[Ember Chuckett]

If.

[Scott Aukerman]

If you.

[Mark Fripp]

If you only had four to live. That's too short. You'd be very small, low musculature. But think about how much you would.

[Scott Aukerman]

Get done in those four hours. I guess so. I mean, you know, there's. I guess, a theory of why does anyone work? Because, like, we're all going to die sooner than we want to, so we should be doing. Although some people enjoy their work. Not, you know, present company excluded. But I mean, wait, me?

[Dash Grabthem]

I love what I do.

[Scott Aukerman]

I guess I'm talking about myself.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, you know what, though? I guess I don't love working at the Peet's Coffee. Yeah, that's. That's sort of a. That's a job so bad.

[Josh Gondelman]

Added it. Anytime anybody has an order, he's constantly tossing it at people's face, saying, go, Coffee.

[Dash Grabthem]

Go, Coffee. I choose you, Macchiato.

[Scott Aukerman]

So those have never turned into a Pokemon, These coffee?

[Josh Gondelman]

No, it's only coffee. Sky, you don't know what coffee is.

[Scott Aukerman]

I know what it is.

[Mark Fripp]

Are they transferring you to another Pete's Coffee in the Galerian region? Because I'm worried about your income when you guys go to the other place.

[Dash Grabthem]

I don't think there is a Pete's Coffee in the glaring.

[Josh Gondelman]

No, they're more franchise. They're a TB T. Bean.

[Dash Grabthem]

Tea Bean.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just Tea.

[Josh Gondelman]

Tea, Bean and Coffee.

[Dash Grabthem]

Tea Bean and Coffee. Speed Leaf.

[Mark Fripp]

You know, I love this. Your children. You change the game.

[Scott Aukerman]

You.

[Mark Fripp]

You two children could die by age 18 and people would think you live rich, full lives. And that's what I want.

[Dash Grabthem]

But how do we get to 18?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Do you have any longevity advice? You. You know, so much about longevity. Do you have any advice about people who have been stuck at 11 years old?

[Mark Fripp]

I am very strong and tall.

[Dash Grabthem]

What's your sort of like, what are we eating? What's our diet?

[Mark Fripp]

Cigarettes, mostly.

[Dash Grabthem]

You're eating cigarettes?

[Mark Fripp]

A lot of cigarettes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay.

[Mark Fripp]

Trying to bring down that little lifespan, which is like getting older. Right. If your lifespan is shorter, if you die at 18, 18 is basically 86. 18 is the new 86.

[Scott Aukerman]

And a lot of people say that our. Our lives, you know, when you're very young, every hour seems like such a long time because you've lived so few hours.

[Mark Fripp]

The.

[Scott Aukerman]

The proportion of hours that you've spent on Earth is so small that an hour can just feel like an eternity to you.

[Dash Grabthem]

15% of my life on your podcast spot.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think those are good. That's a good ratio.

[Dash Grabthem]

I wouldn't change a thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel like I've spent almost 99% of my life on this podcast today.

[Dash Grabthem]

Embers spent 30% of her life in the hospital.

[Josh Gondelman]

That's true.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

Either for her or her dad.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, that's true. My dad is very sick. He's got a very rare disease. Actually, the only other person in the region that I've ever seen with this disease is you, Dash.

[Scott Aukerman]

What disease is it?

[Mark Fripp]

Yeah, keep talking.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's one where his bones are Legos.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Oh, and you have bones that are Legos.

[Dash Grabthem]

It's fine as long as you have all of the pieces. The problem is when you start losing pieces.

[Scott Aukerman]

Got it, got it.

[Mark Fripp]

Is that more of a problem than when a normal person loses a piece of themselves?

[Dash Grabthem]

What do you mean, normal person?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, what do you mean, normal?

[Mark Fripp]

Sorry, that was normative of me. I'm just thinking about means and modes and medians.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. Mark Fripp. Let's try to keep that kind of language.

[Dash Grabthem]

You mean, like, I lost legos? Would that be the equivalent of someone else losing bones?

[Mark Fripp]

That's right, yes.

[Josh Gondelman]

Or would it be like a dream sort of flying away and you get a little bit older and you're sort of like, wow, I really thought I was going to be a singer one day. And then you sort of have lost your joy of music.

[Mark Fripp]

That too.

[Josh Gondelman]

Okay. I think. I don't think so.

[Mark Fripp]

Because a Lego you could conceivably replace with another Lego, and I do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, but you could replace a bone with, like, a titanium bone or another bone.

[Josh Gondelman]

Replace a dream with a kid.

[Mark Fripp]

I actually think we should stop doing that. You lose a bone, that's it for you.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's it for you.

[Mark Fripp]

Get your Move.

[Ember Chuckett]

Moving faster.

[Dash Grabthem]

Sorry. Pause real quick. You're not having a kid?

[Josh Gondelman]

Me?

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Why not?

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, wait. Are you saying.

[Mark Fripp]

I actually think this is really good.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

As long as you.

[Josh Gondelman]

But I don't know. What if I want kids one day?

[Scott Aukerman]

You didn't get pregnant with. With Just no kissing, Dash.

[Josh Gondelman]

I'm 11 years old, Scott.

[Dash Grabthem]

What do you think we're gonna do? Kiss like this? We're 11 years old.

[Scott Aukerman]

You guys are fiddling with the waistbands of years each other's pain.

[Josh Gondelman]

Kiss Dash on the forehead and me.

[Dash Grabthem]

On the cheek, and that's all we know.

[Scott Aukerman]

I feel like it's illegal to watch this on so many fronts.

[Dash Grabthem]

I hate my belt from.

[Josh Gondelman]

Dash, can you Google where babies come from?

[Dash Grabthem]

Where to babies?

[Scott Aukerman]

I've been on the Wikipedia page of that, but they don't allow me to edit it anymore.

[Mark Fripp]

What edits would you make if you could edit the Wikipedia?

[Scott Aukerman]

Just make a few. You know, I'd make a few changes to myself, you know, he can. You.

[Josh Gondelman]

A question. How old are you?

[Mark Fripp]

How old am I?

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Mark Fripp]

Yeah. 22.

[Josh Gondelman]

You're 22.

[Mark Fripp]

And I'm going to. If, God willing, I'll be dead in four years.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you. Is there any kind of like a time lock on you where you're like, if you're not naturally dead by then, you'll take matters into your own hands or.

[Mark Fripp]

Cheating is cheating? Yeah, it's cheating.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, this is maybe kind of semantics, but, you know, cigarettes are bad for you, that they're going to kill you. So if you're smoking or eating cigarettes, technically smoke them if you want to.

[Scott Aukerman]

Die earlier rather than just eat them all. So eating them was.

[Mark Fripp]

I. I also smoke, but I mostly eat them. My diet is mostly cigarettes, and I smoke all sorts of things.

[Josh Gondelman]

So I'm just saying, if you know that they're going to kill you and you're eating them, isn't that technically cheating?

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, he's so mad. He turns so red.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. This is like the red Hulk. This is Harrison Ford.

[Mark Fripp]

I feel like I'm about Captain Hulk. Captain Hulk.

[Josh Gondelman]

Captain Hulk.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's a good idea. Hold on. I got. I wish Josh were here. We would write a Captain Hulk movie.

[Mark Fripp]

Oh, God, Josh would be so good at writing a Captain Hulk.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, you know Josh.

[Mark Fripp]

I just read his wikipedia page.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Fripp]

3M. That guy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Ripping reading.

[Mark Fripp]

It's really good.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, we love Spider Man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, really? Yeah.

[Mark Fripp]

Now, what to you is Spider Man?

[Josh Gondelman]

The Pokemon that's half man, half spider.

[Dash Grabthem]

It's a spider, and then it Evolves, and it's a bigger spider, and then.

[Josh Gondelman]

It'S a man, and then it's a man who's sort of really grumpy and hosts.

[Mark Fripp]

Oh, Spider, Spider Man.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe I'll write him now that I'm no longer.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, right. Oh, no.

[Scott Aukerman]

But. But in any case, I mean, what's gonna happen to you if, say, you actually end up living into your 60s, 70s, 80s, Paris, the thought, even 90s, and you have a rich, full life and you get married and you have grandchildren, children of yourself?

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah. Maybe you could even, like. And if you were gonna have children, like, how would that work? Well, because the Internet said babies dot com.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

We get babies from where you need them. And I don't think that's the answer.

[Mark Fripp]

We get babies from where you need them.

[Josh Gondelman]

I don't know.

[Dash Grabthem]

That's what is the. Says, get the strongest babies using monster energy drink.

[Scott Aukerman]

Is this like that Wayfair thing where you order the most expensive thing and you get a child delivered to you?

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, yeah. Hold on. Let me see the scale. The scale of this picture is important.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's like a couch that's like, you know, several thousand dollars.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, yeah. I thought this was baby. This is a Labubu.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

In any case, what's going to happen to you if you live a rich, full life that you actually enjoy, but it takes you past the cut off? Just.

[Mark Fripp]

That sounds terrible for the human race. This rule sounds really inefficient. I'm hoping to have 17 or 26 kids by the time I'm 26 and then have reduced my own lifespan to the point that I will die and leave them to their own fruitful, efficient lives.

[Josh Gondelman]

17 to 26. Are you dating someone?

[Scott Aukerman]

Dating multiple people.

[Mark Fripp]

Dating multiple people.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, you would have to with those kind of numbers.

[Mark Fripp]

Dating is. I am impregnating several people.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, good.

[Mark Fripp]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

Look, honestly, if I was impregnating as many people as you at your age, I would probably. Probably live a happy life if I were to die early, too.

[Mark Fripp]

Thank you. Yeah, that. That's the intent. I mean, it is.

[Scott Aukerman]

We.

[Mark Fripp]

We got to maximize procreation and minimize life expectancy. And that's just. We cycle the people out. Fresher, newer ideas.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if. What if. And here's just a theory. What if you. Everyone lived as if they were going to die at 24 and. And just live their lives with that kind of verve and vigor and. And tried to accomplish everything. Everything. And then anything past 24 is, like, bonus time, you know what I mean?

[Mark Fripp]

Do you write songs?

[Scott Aukerman]

I think those are good lyrics.

[Mark Fripp]

That would make a beautiful song.

[Josh Gondelman]

What if.

[Scott Aukerman]

Write this down.

[Josh Gondelman]

Write that down.

[Scott Aukerman]

What if. And this is just a theory.

[Dash Grabthem]

And this is just a theory.

[Scott Aukerman]

You and. And really everyone.

[Mark Fripp]

Yeah, I'm liking it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Live their lives like they were going to die at 24.

[Mark Fripp]

Okay. At some point, maybe you should make it rhyme. But I'm loving what I'm hearing so far.

[Dash Grabthem]

Also, there hasn't been a patter section, which most modern songs do have now.

[Mark Fripp]

Dash.

[Scott Aukerman]

Good.

[Josh Gondelman]

They start with a rap.

[Mark Fripp]

Scott loves to collaborate. Oh, I'm sorry. I talked right over. And I'm an adult, and adults do that to children, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, my gosh. Watch this. Zip my lip, eat the key, and you won't hear another peep from me.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, your dad's always saying that to you.

[Josh Gondelman]

He's like, you do.

[Mark Fripp]

Eat the key.

[Josh Gondelman]

You won't hear another peep from me. And he doesn't talk for the rest of that conversation.

[Mark Fripp]

Just kind of had a powder section.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You write that down.

[Dash Grabthem]

Eat the king.

[Scott Aukerman]

But. But in any case, I think my point still stands of, you know, people. People. I. I get what you're trying to say.

[Mark Fripp]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

People should live their lives a little more fruitfully while they have the time.

[Mark Fripp]

That's right.

[Scott Aukerman]

But.

[Mark Fripp]

And they should have less time to. To encourage their fruitfulness.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you. I mean, why do we want this? Do we want less people on Earth? Is that what you're trying to say is.

[Mark Fripp]

I mean, I do.

[Scott Aukerman]

Are you not a people person? I like having this many people on Earth because I. I look around, I go, oh, wow, there's 7 billion people on Earth. Wow. I mean, that's like.

[Mark Fripp]

That's so many.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's so many that I get to meet eventually.

[Mark Fripp]

How many of you met, like, 13? How old would you have to be to meet 7 billion people?

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, I'll get to it at some point. I. I honestly think I will.

[Mark Fripp]

If you thought you were going to die next year, how many people would you meet today?

[Scott Aukerman]

I. I think no matter when I die, I'll get to it. I definitely do. I think I'll meet every single person on Earth.

[Mark Fripp]

I just. It just seems like you would do it faster if you knew you had less time to live.

[Scott Aukerman]

Right?

[Mark Fripp]

You.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'll do it on my time, on my schedule.

[Mark Fripp]

Scoop Scott. This is not a longevity scoop.

[Dash Grabthem]

Whoa. That's a pretty cool nickname.

[Josh Gondelman]

Really cool name.

[Dash Grabthem]

Scooping his saber tooth Tigers, taking over.

[Scott Aukerman]

The league, where I go with that. This is pretty Scoop Otterman. Yeah, it's not bad.

[Mark Fripp]

It's what I was told your name is from my Wikipedia page.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can I ask you.

[Mark Fripp]

Yeah, it's on there.

[Josh Gondelman]

If there's no old people, then how do we get like hairbring professors that come come up with these big gigantic ideas, sort of answering and, and asking existential questions?

[Scott Aukerman]

11 year olds.

[Josh Gondelman]

Be the face.

[Mark Fripp]

And you're talking about Professor Oak, a Professor Oak type.

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, it could be anybody.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah. Like, if we don't have like really old people, how do we get like mega rich people that have consolidated a ton of power and are using it to sort of like leech the surrounding land by unleashing an ancient evil?

[Mark Fripp]

Well, we've got to get rid of the estate tax. That's a big part of this whole thing.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I see. Okay, now I understand your whole point of view.

[Mark Fripp]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to let people pass their wealth that they earned with their. Their hard work and ingenuity to their offspring. They have 17 to 26 children, and.

[Josh Gondelman]

If there's no old people, whose house do you barge into? So you can just kind of peek around and maybe there's a berry hiding in there, but maybe not also.

[Dash Grabthem]

And that's an elixir in their sink.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah.

[Mark Fripp]

Now what you're.

[Josh Gondelman]

What if there's an elixir in their sink? There's no old person. Then there's no elixir.

[Mark Fripp]

Do you think I haven't considered the question of an elixir in a sink? When you are 24 and you're going to live to 26. 24 is very old. So you could seek into a 24 year old's house, find the elixir. Elixir in their sink.

[Josh Gondelman]

Whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah. So you want to get away or do away with the predatory bridge loans that people have to take on once they pass away in order to inherit the.

[Mark Fripp]

If there's one thing I hate, I hate a predatory bridge loan. I hate a death tax. You just need, I think, honestly, live to 26, do away with all taxes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you have any money that you can leave your. How many kids are you trying to have? 17 to 20.

[Mark Fripp]

I'm pretty rich. I. I invented smart. Smart ties.

[Scott Aukerman]

What are smart ties?

[Mark Fripp]

Smart, you know, twist ties.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, yeah. That you put on like loaves of bread. Yeah, those.

[Mark Fripp]

But you can email from them.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, cool. I guess I haven't seen those, but it sounds cool.

[Mark Fripp]

I sold the patent to ice. It's like an air tag that you put on bread so everybody, the government knows who has bread now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, I. Oh, you sold this to ice?

[Mark Fripp]

I sold it.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. Yeah, I think they're using it for different. This is a lot like Tony Stark creating things in his lab. And then they're used for weapons.

[Mark Fripp]

Yeah, except for I want the to be used for weapons.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, okay. That's.

[Mark Fripp]

I'm kind of starting for like, how can we use for weapons? And then one of, you know, one of the.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, you're kind of a reverse Tony Stark. Sounds like you started with something kind of fun and cute, and then you're.

[Dash Grabthem]

Like a Stark Tony.

[Scott Aukerman]

You're a cart.

[Josh Gondelman]

You're a very Stark star.

[Mark Fripp]

Tony was my rap name.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'd love to hear some of your raps at some point. I don't know that we have time today.

[Mark Fripp]

Okay, well, anytime. I can do it now, I can do later. My name's Stark Tony and I'm here to say everyone should die a day closer today. Don't live long Closer to today. That's the name of the song.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you see?

[Mark Fripp]

No taxes.

[Scott Aukerman]

So you just want no tax.

[Mark Fripp]

Okay, I need no tax.

[Scott Aukerman]

You started the estate tax, but then it extends to just.

[Mark Fripp]

Nobody asked me about any other tax.

[Scott Aukerman]

You know what I mean? The irs. It's just a suggestion.

[Mark Fripp]

I think so.

[Scott Aukerman]

There's nothing in the constitution that says we have to pay.

[Mark Fripp]

It's kind of a pay what you will. It's like when you go to the Met and you're a New York City resident, you're like, I'll put a little something in.

[Scott Aukerman]

A lot like radioheads in. In rainbows, out rainbows. Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Fripp]

I'm more into their politics than their.

[Josh Gondelman]

Music, but that's a big part of Geodude's platform, actually. I think you guys would get along really well.

[Scott Aukerman]

I. It sounds like I would love for him to be called out here on the show, but apparently he's too busy to come on Comedy Bang Bang.

[Josh Gondelman]

He's not even in the ball anymore.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm sorry, Amber.

[Josh Gondelman]

I keep trying to get him back into the ball, but sort of, once Pokemon's left the ball, it's really hard to put him back inside.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I know. Especially with Andy R. Richter, right? Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

Well, yeah.

[Mark Fripp]

You guys know Andy Richter.

[Scott Aukerman]

He was in Pokemon ball for a long time.

[Josh Gondelman]

Andy Richter was literally how Dash was able to win all of those battles.

[Scott Aukerman]

And become the champion. Andy Richter was the one who.

[Dash Grabthem]

Andy Richter is super effective against all types of Pokemon. Some would call him broken in. In. In terms of game systems.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Dash Grabthem]

And so he did get patched out and by that, I mean he refused to get back in the Pokeball and just sort of walked into the sunset and said, I'm starting a podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow. I never would have guessed it.

[Josh Gondelman]

Wow. Yeah. You haven't lived until you've seen Annie Richter read a psyduck to filth.

[Mark Fripp]

I've never lived and I never wanted to. Until now.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, Mark, I. I don't know that I agree with all of your assessments here about the human race, because, I don't know, I like living. I. And I. I. I don't know if I ever will die.

[Mark Fripp]

To each his own is a policy I'm trying to reverse. But, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I'm. I'm kind of the opposite.

[Mark Fripp]

You said you don't know if you'll ever die.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, me neither. So far.

[Scott Aukerman]

So far I'm going to.

[Josh Gondelman]

You keep trying.

[Mark Fripp]

You keep trying.

[Dash Grabthem]

Well, yeah, just to feel something.

[Mark Fripp]

It's nice to meet a kindred spirit. But remember, if you do it to yourself, that's cheating.

[Scott Aukerman]

Do you think when you die in your sleep, the dreams turn off or do they keep going? You know what I mean?

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, that's a really good question.

[Mark Fripp]

Yeah, they stop.

[Scott Aukerman]

They stop.

[Mark Fripp]

Oh, yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Just everything stops.

[Mark Fripp]

Everything stops.

[Scott Aukerman]

All brain activity.

[Mark Fripp]

That's the hope.

[Josh Gondelman]

Kind of like Inception.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, tell you what. Let's make a pact. If you don't die by 28, I'll kill you.

[Mark Fripp]

Okay. But that's cheating. If we make a pact.

[Scott Aukerman]

Nope. No. Well, hold on. Oh, a wink. Okay, got it. Yeah. Unspoken pact.

[Mark Fripp]

If I don't die by 28, I'll kill you. You can't say it on the podcast.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay. And then nothing on the other end of it.

[Mark Fripp]

Nothing on the other. So if you don't die by 28, nothing happens. Just let him cook.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. I'm 29, by the way, so I've already passed it, but I would never.

[Mark Fripp]

Have come on the show.

[Dash Grabthem]

You look great, Scoop.

[Scott Aukerman]

Thanks, man. Well, look, we are running out of time here. There is really only. Only one final feature that we have on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called Plugs.

[Dash Grabthem]

Plug your shit.

[Scott Aukerman]

And I hope that it's a hit.

[Dash Grabthem]

Praise him.

[Scott Aukerman]

But if it is not, then you.

[Dash Grabthem]

Can blame other fucking Scott.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey. Well, I don't like that. That's cruel. Yeah, that was wise. Plugs by Shayan, Abraham or Ebrahim. Thank you so much. Don't appreciate being referred to in that manner, but thank you so much for the Plugs theme. If you have a Plugs Theme. Head over to cbb world.com plugs and you can upload. You'll find everything you need there for remixes as well. All right, what do we plug in now? You know, if only Josh Gondelman were here, he would plug his special, but he's not. But Mark, what do you want to plug?

[Mark Fripp]

You should buy Josh's wife's book. Her name is Marius Kreisler. It's called I want to burn this place down.

[Scott Aukerman]

I mean, good advice from anyone, including Mark Fripp here. And also positive reinforcement is the special on YouTube. YouTube? I'll plug it in his absentia.

[Mark Fripp]

I've seen 13 minutes of it and it's really good.

[Scott Aukerman]

Really? The 11 through 13?

[Mark Fripp]

Yeah, I got to the Eby joke. It's killer.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, man, that's awesome. And Amber, what do you want to plug?

[Josh Gondelman]

Well, as we sort of cross that predatory bridge zone over to the Galerian region, I just wanted to. I know that Dash is going on tour with Hillsong United, so I definitely want to make sure that everybody checks that out.

[Dash Grabthem]

That's right. Www.megaflo Faith God.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, cool.

[Josh Gondelman]

So if you go ahead and check that out, and if not, there's a lot of horrible, terrible, no good, very bad anti trans bills happening across the country. Go find a local organization that means something to you or honestly, Transgender Loss center is a really. Transgender loss.

[Scott Aukerman]

Say it again. Don't mumble it though.

[Josh Gondelman]

This Transgender Law center is a really, really. Was that good?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, that was good. Yeah.

[Josh Gondelman]

Transgender Law center is a really good place that you can donate, use take three.

[Scott Aukerman]

And Dash, what do you want to plug here?

[Dash Grabthem]

One this come out very soon. Oh, okay.

[Scott Aukerman]

So what the do you care? Well, you're going to be 11 forever.

[Dash Grabthem]

You know what Kickstarters are, Scott? Yeah, I know what Kickstarters, they're sort of time intensive, so when this comes.

[Scott Aukerman]

Out, makes this idea, they'll still be going.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, okay, cool. Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

Why do you think you're on this fucking episode?

[Dash Grabthem]

I assume because it was Pokemon trainer here.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah.

[Scott Aukerman]

No.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, okay. If you go to link TR e off book.

[Scott Aukerman]

What? Jesus Christ.

[Dash Grabthem]

Go to the off book Instagram. There's a link there. Jessica McKenna, friend of this podcast, you know, an all around star, and I are making a mock trial movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Wow.

[Dash Grabthem]

Kickstarting.

[Scott Aukerman]

Incredible.

[Dash Grabthem]

Did I say me? Not me.

[Scott Aukerman]

Her.

[Dash Grabthem]

She's doing it.

[Scott Aukerman]

She's doing it with this friend of hers, Zach Reno.

[Dash Grabthem]

A real loser.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah. And if you go, go to. It's off book. Pod Instagram.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, just go. Yeah, Off Book, pod, Instagram. The link is right there.

[Josh Gondelman]

Is it LinkedIn? Justin, who's that other guy?

[Scott Aukerman]

Zach, I think maybe.

[Josh Gondelman]

Is it LinkedIn? Justin. Zach's personal bios, too?

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, it's there, too.

[Scott Aukerman]

I was there, too. Okay.

[Dash Grabthem]

It's all those places. This is real team effort. Really appreciate it.

[Scott Aukerman]

And they're making a movie.

[Dash Grabthem]

They're making a movie about mock trial, which apparently is a thing that people do in high school.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yes.

[Dash Grabthem]

I wouldn't know. I've never been in high school.

[Scott Aukerman]

You'll get there.

[Ember Chuckett]

So you say, or you'll die first.

[Dash Grabthem]

Or I'll die try.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hold on a second. Did you hear that?

[Josh Gondelman]

I think.

[Scott Aukerman]

I think you just got a pube.

[Josh Gondelman]

Oh, my God. Let me see.

[Mark Fripp]

Okay, don't look at each other.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, don't look at each.

[Dash Grabthem]

It's not weird. We're just friends.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God, Ember. I can't be here for this.

[Dash Grabthem]

Whoa.

[Scott Aukerman]

You got boobs.

[Josh Gondelman]

That's crazy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Maybe you guys are growing up.

[Josh Gondelman]

Wait, I'm going to need something to cover this up. Is one of the rewards from the Kickstarter to get a T shirt or a sweatshirt?

[Dash Grabthem]

Wow. Would you know? Yes, they are.

[Josh Gondelman]

That's really cool. I'm going to need a new sweatshirt and a bigger size, maybe medium. Medium.

[Dash Grabthem]

We have medium, large, and small. All in the design for the fictional high school that the mock trial movie takes place at. And the mascot is a Highland Coup.

[Josh Gondelman]

Wait, I'm gonna donate right now, but can I get this sketch drawing from one of this really cool art? Sketch, picture.

[Dash Grabthem]

You really have intimate knowledge of the rewards of this Kickstarter.

[Josh Gondelman]

It's because I'm looking on Instagram and I just donated, so I was sort of deciding what I wanted.

[Dash Grabthem]

That's huge. You can get any of these things or add on. Giving it any level helps this movie get made because it's hard to get movies made. Isn't that right, Scoop?

[Scott Aukerman]

Yeah, it is. Of course. They're great friends of the show, Jess and Zach, and people should support this movie. And I'd like to see this movie, so I want to. I want to contribute to it as well.

[Dash Grabthem]

Hey, links in all the Instagram bios. Head on over.

[Josh Gondelman]

Are you committing now to $5,000 right now?

[Scott Aukerman]

Huge. Can't believe that's huge. I'm. You know What? I'm committing $5,000 of my time.

[Dash Grabthem]

Whoa.

[Josh Gondelman]

Whoa. To being in the movie.

[Scott Aukerman]

Well, that would be about an hour, I think.

[Josh Gondelman]

Your grip.

[Scott Aukerman]

Can you give me in an hour as a grip? I'm talking tail lights.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, the last hour.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's fantastic. What do I want to plug? I want to plug. Hey, read the Astonishing Spider Man. Some interesting stuff's going on in especially in tomorrow's episode or issue that comes out tomorrow. There's a big Comedy Bang Bang person who's on the podcast a lot, who is guest starring, and yeah, just read tomorrow's issue and we can talk about it after that. And let's see what else. Go head over to CBB World. CBB World has ad free episodes of this show, Comedy Bang Bang. It has all the older episodes that you can't get anymore. Other than there, we also have other podcasts like CBB Presents. Scott hasn't seen Collegetown, the neighborhood. Listen, so much stuff over there. Whomp it up is over there. All right, let's close up the old plug, slug. Oh, oh, okay. Thanks for the coda there. That was Closed Plugs by Alex Shaduck. Thanks so much to Alex and I want to thank all of you. First of all, Mark Fripp, thank you so much for coming on. I feel. I feel like you're going to be back.

[Mark Fripp]

Scott. Thanks for having me. Get busy living and get busy dying.

[Scott Aukerman]

That's right. I'll see you in four. Four years.

[Mark Fripp]

God willing. You won't.

[Scott Aukerman]

Hey, when you least expect it and how you least expect it as well, I'm winking.

[Mark Fripp]

Thank you.

[Scott Aukerman]

All right, fantastic. And Ember and Dash, so great to have you guys.

[Josh Gondelman]

Thanks, Scoop. We really appreciate it.

[Scott Aukerman]

I'm so glad that you guys could be on the same episode before you take off towards the. What is it, the gondola region. What is it, Galerian?

[Mark Fripp]

Scott.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah. Honestly, we've spent so long being enemies, I can't even believe that. We had a lot more in common than I thought.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, it's almost like your rivals are a reflection of. Of yourself and not something that you need to grind into dirt at the first possible opportunity.

[Scott Aukerman]

Your faces are getting very close and.

[Josh Gondelman]

Not a physical reflection. Even though we do look so similar.

[Dash Grabthem]

We look quite similar.

[Josh Gondelman]

Same eyes.

[Dash Grabthem]

It's like his way. Same lips, same nose.

[Mark Fripp]

Can't believe they're not getting this.

[Scott Aukerman]

Stop talking about the lips, please.

[Josh Gondelman]

Same teeth.

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. The pubes are just popping out.

[Josh Gondelman]

Wait, do you feel that? I think I'm sweet 12.

[Dash Grabthem]

Yeah, me too. Is this what 12 feels like?

[Scott Aukerman]

Oh, my God. You guys turn 12 right here on the show.

[Josh Gondelman]

Incredible.

[Dash Grabthem]

We leveled up.

[Scott Aukerman]

Yay. Oh, congratulations, guys. Well, have a great trip. Thank you, region. I hope you. You guys both survive. Why would you say that I just hear it's rough. There's a lot of gangs out there.

[Dash Grabthem]

Oh, yeah, no, don't worry. We're 12 and that's basically an adult.

[Josh Gondelman]

Yeah, we can take on teens, Skull.

[Mark Fripp]

That's my legal point of view as well.

[Scott Aukerman]

Okay, Mark Fripp. The more I learn about you, the less I like about you. All right, that's gonna be it for us. We'll see you next week. Thanks. Bye.

[Laci Mosley]

What's Poppin listeners? I'm Lacy Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess. The show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it each week with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time. Want to know about the fake errors? We got em. What about a career con man? We've got them too. Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins. Oh, you know, they are represented because representation matters. I'm joined by guests like Nicole Byer, Ira Madison iii, Conan o' Brien and more. Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.

[H]

Did you know that you can live longer without food than sleep? Ready to learn more? Go back to school early with Coop by learning how to achieve an A in getting better sleep. They're here to teach you how to get your best sleep ever. With their back to school sale and 20% off your first order. Sleep and school go hand in hand. In a Carnegie Mellon study, every lost hour of sleep meant a 0.07 dip in GPA. It's time to sleep smarter Shop Coop's back to school sale today. Hand picked for parents, students and anyone who's failing in the sleep department. Coop's curated collection has everything you need to solve your biggest sleep problems. Summer school is in session with Coop sleep goods. Visit coopsleepgoods.com sleep101 to get 20% off your first order. That's coopsleepgoods.com Sleep101 this episode of Comedy.

[Scott Aukerman]

Bang Bang is brought to you by Square. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Here's what it is. You create a stunning online presence with Squarespace where you can easily showcase your services. Whether it's, I don't know, consultations, maybe events, experiences, all on a fully customizable website. Just enjoy yourself Customizing this thing. Going to love it. It attracts clients and it helps grow your business. Squarespace's cutting edge design tools make it simple for anyone to build a bespoke website that aligns perfectly with their brand. Here's how you start. You start with Blueprint AI their AI AI AI AI powered website builder and create a fully personalized site in just a few steps. Oh, this sounds so futuristic. And again, exciting. Squarespace also helps streamline your entire workflow with built in tools for appointment scheduling, email marketing and professional invoicing. Plus, get paid on time with branded invoices and seamless online payments. Head to squarespace.com Bang Bang for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Bang Bang to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.