Podcast Summary

Podcast: Compassion in a T-Shirt

Episode: IFS Explained: Compassion, Parts, and the Self | Megan Buys

Host: Dr Stan Steindl

Guest: Megan Buys, Psychotherapist and Researcher

Date: November 20, 2025

Overview

In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, Dr. Stan Steindl welcomes Megan Buys, a Sydney-based psychotherapist and author of a recent scoping review on Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. The conversation dives deep into the theoretical foundations of IFS, the significance of compassion and the “Self,” and how working with one’s internal “parts” offers a transformative path toward healing and integration. Drawing from both clinical research and lived experience, Megan shares insights about IFS’s growing popularity, its challenges in achieving an evidence base, and practical ways it supports self-compassion and therapeutic change.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Personal & Professional Journey to IFS (02:55–06:33)

• Megan shares her personal entry point into IFS, stemming from teenage anxiety and panic attacks. She discovered IFS via YouTube, particularly Conor McMillan’s content, which gave language to her experience of internal multiplicity.
• “I was aware during that time that for me, I could really separate this Megan and this anxious part of me that was happening. They felt really separate. And this almost gave a really nice language to put that in that understanding that I had of myself.” – Megan (03:43)
• Experiencing a dream of a compassionate presence in Amsterdam reinforced her belief in an inner Self.

2. Integrating IFS into Practice and Academia (06:37–14:41)

• Megan describes her transition from working in a CBT/DBT-dominated clinic, through her Masters in Counseling, and into her PhD, noting a distinct lack of IFS in mainstream psychology training.
• She recounts resistance from academia: “I transferred back to the original university because my supervisor said that IFS wasn't a real modality and that I should be doing something like CBT instead, even though … IFS is a very well-researched modality.” (11:39)
• When researching premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), she found clients themselves requesting IFS concepts and interventions, further justifying her commitment.

3. IFS’s Unique Approach: Systemic Compassion & Embracing All Parts (14:41–19:12)

• Stan and Megan highlight IFS’s appeal: it offers an accepting, even embracing, stance toward all inner experiences, rather than suppressing unwanted feelings and thoughts.
• Megan reflects: “It comes from this place of not just acceptance, but embracing all of these different parts … making space and room for these parts of us.” (13:36)

4. Systems Theory: From Family to Internal Systems (19:12–21:55)

• Megan outlines IFS’s roots in family systems therapy: Richard Schwartz translated systemic thinking from family dynamics to an individual’s inner world.
• “He began to notice … even when these clients would leave their family … this experience of the eating disorder would continue … the way that they would naturally talk about themselves in parts … So that idea of that family systems training … exists in an individual as well, rather than just the family.” – Megan (19:28)

5. Mapping and Working with Parts (21:55–32:36)

• Megan describes using art therapy and “parts mapping” to help clients visualize and relate to their internal parts.
• Example: With a PMDD client (“Eleanor”), three key parts emerged: a “mushy cloud” of exhaustion, a harsh “drill sergeant” critic, and a small, vulnerable part. These interacted in recurring cycles of struggle (21:55–25:21).
• Naming and giving visual form to these parts enables dialogue and relationship with them. “I always say it's much easier to work with an aspect that's challenging if we can be in relationship with it. And it's much easier to be in relationship with something that is almost like a human form.” – Megan (28:16)
• Creative interventions include imagining what the parts would look like, where they would be in the room, and even letting them “change outfits” to feel safer and more comfortable (29:58–31:56).
  • Memorable moment: Vulnerable parts often wanted to wear pajamas and have a “pajama party”—both a literal and symbolic gesture toward creating safeness (31:42).

6. Safety and Consent with Parts (32:36–33:43)

• Megan stresses the importance of cultivating safety, not rushing or forcing engagement: “We have to take a lot of time to allow them to feel really comfortable in this space and almost buy into what this process is, gaining permission for the parts to be like, okay, yeah … we can do this process together.” (32:42)
• Therapists, too, must be aware of their own “parts” during sessions, maintaining self-awareness and differentiating personal triggers (33:23–34:30).

7. The Self: The Compassionate Core (34:30–38:40)

• The Self—with a capital S—is IFS’s central concept: an innate capacity for compassion, curiosity, calm, clarity, and other “C” qualities.
• Megan: “It’s basically just this innate capacity for curiosity and compassion and calm and clarity and all these other good C words. There's eight Cs.” (36:34)
• The goal is “self-leadership”—helping clients shift from parts-dominated states to having the Self guide and integrate all parts.

8. Beyond Acceptance: IFS’s Definition of Compassion (37:44–39:24)

• Megan differentiates between acceptance and compassion: IFS compassion is about loving and embracing parts, not just tolerating them.
• “The compassion piece takes [acceptance] to a whole new level where you're not just accepting it, you're actually embracing it. And you're saying, I can be with this. I can be in relationship with this.” (37:47)

9. Cultivating Self-Compassion in Practice (39:24–44:43)

• Rather than forcing compassion, Megan listens for small, authentic moments that reflect the Self (e.g., “Oh, but I feel safe with this part.”). “Those small moments are cultivating it … I wouldn’t want to necessarily force anything or make anything fake by thinking, oh, everyone has a self, so it must be there. So I’m just going to try really hard to, like, be compassionate.” (40:59)
• Practical exercise: Clients take home cutouts of their visualized parts as “playing cards” to sit with them and practice being in Self. (43:44)
• Stan relates IFS’s “no bad parts” stance to evolutionary and compassion science, noting that even critical parts serve protecting functions.

10. Balancing Compassion and Leadership (46:16–48:00)

• Stan and Megan discuss the importance of both kindness and assertiveness from the Self. Megan emphasizes: “Parts don’t get away with things all the time. We want to love them … but if you’re actively ruining someone’s life, someone’s going to have to step in and say … this is not how we want to work here as a whole.” (47:07)
• The Self as a “good parent”—combining unconditional acceptance with the strength to guide and set boundaries.

11. The Evidence Base: Challenges and the Way Forward (48:00–52:19)

• Megan supports more research to build credibility and safety, especially in unregulated fields like psychotherapy: “I would love for there to be more research … I think research would really help get this other side of the spectrum on side with IFS.” (48:44)
• She highlights the growing movement of IFS research in Australia and internationally (e.g., Kathleen de Boa’s PhD in Melbourne, 49:08).
• The discussion links stronger evidence to benefits like professional legitimization, access, and ethical practice.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Megan on IFS’s core appeal:
  “It comes from this place of not just acceptance, but embracing all of these different parts of us and seeking to understand and sit with and make space and room for these parts of us, rather than alternative modalities that really try to push that aside … The more we do that, the louder they’re going to get.” (13:36)
• On mapping parts:
  “I always say it's much easier to work with an aspect that's challenging if we can be in relationship with it. And it's much easier to be in relationship with something that is almost like a human form.” (28:16)
• On the compassionate Self:
  “It’s basically just this innate capacity for curiosity and compassion and calm and clarity and all these other good C words. There’s eight Cs.” (36:34)
• On going beyond acceptance:
  “What I like about IFS is that the compassion piece takes that to a whole new level where you’re not just accepting it, you’re actually embracing it … It feels like love. It doesn’t feel like just, yep, neutral, whatever—can deal with that. It’s like, okay, I’m here, almost parental, like a really good parent.” (37:47)
• On cultivating real compassion:
  “I think those small moments are cultivating it. And again, I wouldn’t want to necessarily force anything or make anything fake by thinking, oh, everyone has a self, so it must be there. So I’m just going to try really hard to, like, be compassionate.” (41:15)
• On the need for evidence:
  “So if we have … more evidence for something, the more … we can use it as an evidence-based approach and the more accreditation we can have and then the more people can find us because the government thinks that we’re legit.” (51:45)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 - Introduction to IFS and Megan Buys
• 02:55 - Megan’s personal experience discovering IFS
• 06:37 - Bringing IFS into professional life and academia
• 14:41 - The significance of embracing all parts in IFS
• 19:12 - Systems theory: family systems to internal systems
• 21:55 - Illustrated case example and mapping parts
• 25:21 - Creative approaches: art therapy and naming parts
• 32:36 - Creating safeness for parts in therapy
• 34:30 - Therapist self-awareness of their own parts
• 35:08 - The “Self” in IFS: definition and role
• 37:44 - Compassion as embracing, not just accepting
• 39:24 - Authentic moments of Self-compassion in therapy
• 43:44 - Parts “playing cards” exercise for ongoing practice
• 46:16 - Combining compassion with clear self-leadership
• 48:44 - Discussion of research status and professionalization

Conclusion

This episode provides a comprehensive, accessible, and clinically nuanced introduction to IFS therapy with plenty of practical examples, lived experience, and a compassionate take on what it means to welcome and work with one’s inner multiplicity. Megan Buys’s research and practice illuminate both the promise of IFS and the ongoing need for robust evidence—especially as client demand continues to rise. The conversation is peppered with memorable metaphors (pajama parties for vulnerable parts), powerful quotes, and actionable insights for practitioners and anyone interested in self-compassion and psychological integration.

Resources

• Megan Buys’s Open Access Article (link in podcast description)
• Mentioned researcher: Kathleen de Boa (IFS for trauma, Melbourne)