Podcast Summary: You Are Not Your Trauma: Healing with ACT and Compassion

Host: Dr. Stan Steindl
Guest: Dr. Robyn Walser
Podcast: Compassion in a T-Shirt
Date: December 11, 2025

Overview

In this rich, moving conversation, Dr. Stan Steindl welcomes Dr. Robyn Walser, co-author of You Are Not Your Trauma, to explore the science and practice of healing from trauma using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and compassion. They delve into the central message of separating identity from traumatic experience, the three stages of trauma recovery, the role of compassion and values, and Dr. Walser’s work empowering women. The tone is warm, wise, and infused with hope and practical insight.

Key Themes & Discussion Points

The Message: "You Are Not Your Trauma"

(02:28 – 03:48)

• Dr. Walser explains that the book's title reflects a foundational ACT principle: people are much larger and more spacious than their worst experiences.
  • “You are a being that experiences, not a being that is the experience…You're a place where you hold memories. You're not the memories themselves.” (02:50 – Robyn Walser)
• The goal is both validation of the traumatic experience and helping individuals step into a broader identity.
• Trauma survivors often feel defined and constrained by their trauma, but healing involves reclaiming a wider and more flexible sense of self.

Why Do We Over-Identify With Painful Experiences?

(03:48 – 07:20)

• Dr. Walser describes how language and cognition narrow our self-concept:
  • “We develop concepts of ourselves and... we think they define us, but...we only have access to [a] smaller part of our reality than we define ourselves by...” (05:12)
• Evolution makes us vigilant to threat and pain, which can anchor our identity to trauma for safety and predictability.
• This tendency is natural, but when rigid, it limits adaptability and freedom.

Psychological Flexibility and Identity Change

(07:20 – 11:29)

• Identity is continuously challenged by life changes (e.g., parenting, career shifts).
• People with trauma may operate as if threat remains ever-present.
• The work of therapy is to both honor that impulse for safety and gently expand a person's sense of self and possibility.
  • “We want to help them get freedom from that painful space and see it as a part of their history, not the whole of who they are.” (10:22)

The Three Stages of Healing

(11:29 – 23:18)

Stage 1: Safety & Skills Building

(12:05 – 17:12)

• Trauma often leads to intense avoidance, shrinking a person’s world.
• Traditional approaches focus on confronting avoided memories, but ACT emphasizes accompanying those steps with acceptance, grounding, and reconnecting with values.
• Practical techniques: grounding, acceptance of internal experience, diffusion (“seeing you have a mind, not being your mind”), mindfulness, present-moment awareness.
• “It’s not acceptance of the trauma, but acceptance of internal experience.” (13:40)

Stage 2: Trauma Exposure with Compassion

(29:59 – 33:41)

• Gradual, supported exposure to trauma-related memories or situations happens only when a foundation of safety and self-compassion is present.
• “Suffering isn’t in the trauma itself...the suffering is in the avoidance of self following the trauma.” (30:54)
• Exposure is reframed from symptom-reduction to reclaiming meaning and values.

Stage 3: Reconnection & Values-Based Living

(42:03 – 44:41)

• The goal shifts to flourishing—moving from surviving to building a vital, values-driven life.
• “When you start talking to people about what’s meaningful...quite often it’s these little special moments…” (43:17)
• Therapy helps clarify values and commit to small actions, facilitating genuine connection and purpose.

The Role of Compassion & Therapist Presence

(26:06 – 28:33)

• Compassion is both modelled and fostered:
  • “To bear witness to that without pulling back or shrinking back in any way, I think is a compassionate stance.” (27:08)
• Dr. Walser and her co-author aimed to imbue their book with the felt sense of compassion present in therapy.
• The metaphor of a tree—with deep roots and soft leaves—captures “steadfastness” and gentle flexibility.

Shame, Self-Blame, and Societal Messages

(36:35 – 40:53)

• Shame and self-blame are major components of trauma, often socially constructed, not “yours” but learned through societal messages.
• Differentiation between shame as a social consequence (e.g., for survivors) and as a moral signal (e.g., moral injury from perpetration).
  • “It’s almost like it’s not your shame. It’s a shame that is taught and induced.” (39:00)
• Healing involves compassionate confrontation of these emotions and critical recognition of their origins.

Trauma, Values, and Flourishing

(42:03 – 45:39)

• True healing is not only symptom reduction but reconnection to what brings life meaning.
  • “It feels like a tragedy in some way...when you spent 40 years suffering behind PTSD.” (42:31)
• Vitality comes from presence and engagement, not mere safety.

Women, Trauma, and Empowerment: The "Women Rising" Project

(46:34 – 51:14)

• Dr. Walser discusses her work supporting women, shaped by personal and clinical experience:
  • “There’s a personal interest in seeing…my mother with a black eye and a split lip and just really feeling the wrongness of that.” (46:50)
• Despite awareness, violence against women has not declined significantly; rates are almost flat.
• Empowerment is about “being empowered to be present in relationships in ways that are healthy and not damaging.”
• Societal solutions must engage both women and men; the work ahead is collective.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On trauma and identity:
  “You are a being that experiences, not a being that is the experience.” (Robyn Walser, 02:50)
• On therapist compassion:
  “To bear witness to that without pulling back or shrinking back in any way, I think is a compassionate stance.” (Robyn Walser, 27:08)
• On the purpose of healing:
  “Let’s build a life worth living…moving towards…you’re only here this for so long, and then you’re gone. Life is pretty short, right?” (Robyn Walser, 22:54)
• On the immersive nature of suffering:
  “Suffering isn’t in the trauma itself. The trauma is painful indeed…The suffering is in the avoidance of self following the trauma.” (Robyn Walser, 30:54)
• On meaning and healing:
  “It’s these little special moments…if you’re not present for those because you’re in avoidance mode, then you miss meaning.” (Robyn Walser, 43:19)
• On cultural shame:
  “It’s almost like it’s not your shame. It’s a shame that is taught and induced and evoked.” (Robyn Walser, 39:00)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction and Book’s Message: 00:00 – 03:48
• The Nature of Identity After Trauma: 03:48 – 11:29
• Three-Stage ACT Model Overview: 11:29 – 23:18
• The Role of Compassion in Therapy and Writing: 26:06 – 28:33
• Stage Two, Exposure & Willingness: 29:59 – 33:41
• Technical Evolution of Exposure Therapy: 33:41 – 36:35
• Self-Blame and Shame: 36:35 – 40:53
• Reconnection, Meaning, and Values: 42:03 – 45:39
• Empowering Women & Societal Change: 46:34 – 53:15

Conclusion

Dr. Robyn Walser gracefully weaves together ACT, compassion, and practical wisdom for therapists and survivors alike. Her message is hopeful but honest: trauma is real, but it does not have to define a life. Healing is about courage, compassion, and reclaiming meaning—even in the presence of pain. The work is individual, therapeutic, and societal; the invitation is to live a life of freedom, connection, and values.

For therapists, survivors, and anyone interested in the intersection of science and the human spirit, this episode offers a blend of technical acumen, empathy, and practical inspiration—true to the spirit of “Compassion in a T-Shirt.”