Bill Burr Returns Again

Summary

Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend – Episode: Bill Burr Returns Again Release Date: March 17, 2025

In the latest episode of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, Conan welcomes comedian Bill Burr back to the show for another engaging and humorous conversation. The episode, lasting just under an hour, delves into a variety of topics ranging from personal growth and comedy careers to nostalgic reflections on Boston sports and historical anecdotes.

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1. The Quest for Flexibility ([02:46] - [10:09])

The episode kicks off with a light-hearted discussion about physical flexibility. Bill Burr expresses his desire to become more flexible, humorously stating, “I'd like to become a sexual athlete” ([04:22]). Conan and co-hosts Sona Movsesian and Matt Gourley join in, teasing Burr about his attempts at stretching and his choice of workout attire. The conversation highlights Burr’s self-deprecating humor as he shares his struggles with staying limber in his later years.

Notable Quote:

• Bill Burr ([04:22]): "I'd like to become a sexual athlete."

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2. High School Reunions and Boston Roots ([12:01] - [21:45])

Conan and Bill delve into their shared Boston heritage, reminiscing about high school reunions and the unique culture of the area. Bill recounts his experience at a reunion where someone mistakenly attributed mischievous antics to him, leading to funny exchanges. The duo laugh about their mutual status as redheads from Massachusetts, describing themselves as “a weird mixture of bitterness” ([12:38]).

Notable Quote:

• Bill Burr ([16:36]): "My kids are in their late 50s. Children."

• Conan O’Brien ([12:38]): "We both grew up unsightly from the Massachusetts area."

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3. Comedy Specials and Personal Growth ([17:07] - [20:30])

The conversation shifts to their respective comedy specials. Bill praises Conan’s upcoming special, “Drop Dead Years,” noting its personal insights and humorous take on mortality ([17:54]). Conan discusses the balance between anger and happiness in comedy, sharing his belief that personal growth can enhance comedic material without diminishing it.

Notable Quote:

• Conan O’Brien ([18:01]): "It is so funny as far as, like, it took a good minute for relaxed dancing to happen again."

• Bill Burr ([19:29]): "You can be funny or you can be happy."

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4. Nostalgic Reflections on Boston Sports ([33:34] - [43:15])

Both comedians share fond memories of attending Boston Red Sox games and the vibrant sports culture of their youth. They reminisce about the authentic experiences of watching games without the modern distractions of large screens and commercial interruptions. Bill highlights the camaraderie and chaos of those days, while Conan contrasts it with the current state of sports entertainment.

Notable Quote:

• Bill Burr ([33:34]): "I was of the era where my brother and I would go down to Fenway Park without it."

• Conan O’Brien ([36:11]): "I just can't imagine you're in your log cabin or whatever, Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, this wall of water."

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5. Historical Anecdotes and World War II ([56:05] - [64:37])

The duo takes a detour into history, discussing the St. Francis Dam disaster and World War II events. Bill shares his experience visiting Lintz and learning about the devastation caused by bombing during the war, emphasizing the stark contrast between his comedic persona and the gravity of historical tragedies. Conan adds his observations on the resilience of cities like Stockholm and the lingering impacts of war on modern infrastructure.

Notable Quote:

• Conan O’Brien ([58:15]): "You can't get through this without laughing, dude. It was. That is so Boston."

• Bill Burr ([61:08]): "Hitler was into architecture though. That's why he left Paris and Prague alone."

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6. Contemporary Politics and Social Commentary ([65:09] - [69:05])

Towards the end of the episode, Conan and Bill tackle modern political frustrations and the polarization of society. They express disillusionment with how media sensationalizes news and how people become entrenched in partisan divides. Conan laments the absence of genuine discourse, stating, “I just wish that regular people, which is most of us, would just stop yelling at each other” ([56:35]).

Notable Quote:

• Bill Burr ([53:38]): "My least favorite thing in this era we're in is everyone's certainty. And I like, whatever happened to uncertainty?"

• Conan O’Brien ([56:35]): "I do think you should just stop yelling at each other."

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7. Closing Remarks and Mutual Appreciation ([66:25] - [67:03])

In the closing moments, Conan and Bill express mutual respect and appreciation for each other’s work and friendship. Conan praises Bill’s effortless humor, while Bill acknowledges Conan’s persistent comedic spirit. The episode wraps up with heartfelt exchanges, reinforcing the theme of genuine connection that underpins the podcast series.

Notable Quote:

• Conan O’Brien ([66:25]): "You circle, I love you to death."

• Bill Burr ([67:03]): "All right, Bill Burr. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord or whatever."

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Conclusion

This episode of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend showcases the chemistry between Conan O’Brien and Bill Burr, blending humor with introspective conversations. From discussing the challenges of staying flexible in older age to reflecting on shared Boston experiences and navigating the complexities of modern society, the episode offers listeners a blend of laughter and thoughtful dialogue. Bill Burr’s candidness and comedic prowess make for an entertaining and memorable episode that underscores the podcast’s mission to forge genuine friendships through meaningful conversations.

Highlighted Quotes:

• Bill Burr ([04:22]): "I'd like to become a sexual athlete."
• Bill Burr ([16:36]): "My kids are in their late 50s. Children."
• Conan O’Brien ([18:01]): "It took a good minute for relaxed dancing to happen again."
• Conan O’Brien ([56:35]): "I just wish that regular people... would just stop yelling at each other."

---

For those who haven't tuned in yet, this episode offers a rich blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful commentary, making it a must-listen for fans of both Conan O’Brien and Bill Burr.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Bill Burr]

Back when my wife and I were shopping for a home, I remembered, eh, it's exciting, it's fun.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

But also there's so much you gotta worry about and think about. Homes.com is home shopping the way it should be? Yeah. It's more than a website. It's your partner in finding the perfect home. Get to know potential neighborhoods with Homes.com's comprehensive neighborhood details. That's good to know.

[Sona Movsesian]

You don't want to buy a house and everyone sucks.

[Bill Burr]

No, it's the worst when you buy a house and everyone sucks. Homes.com features the listing agent on each listing so you can easily connect. Plus agent directory and profiles offer a detailed look at each agent's experience so you can find your perfect match. Sometimes someone's like, yeah, sure, I'm a housing agent. And you're like, really? You don't look like one. You know what I mean? You're just, you're wearing like a towel. What's going on? You're soaking wet.

[Sona Movsesian]

They'd live there.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. Go to homes.com to learn more. You want the facts. That's not their slogan. I just made it up. Homes.com we've done your homework.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hello, my name's Bill Burr and I feel good about being Conan O'Brien's friend, but I feel this is a little red flag that might be a little narcissist that I, that I got to say why I'm his friend. Every time I feel like I've already.

[Bill Burr]

Answered this question I'm called a bottomless hole. There's no filling this every time you're going to have to repe.

[Conan O'Brien]

What is that? Like.

[Matt Gourley]

Fall is here. Here they are back to school.

[Conan O'Brien]

Ring the bell Brand new shoes Walking.

[Bill Burr]

Loose Climb the fence Books and pens I can tell that we are gonna be friends Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Sitting here with Sona Mosesian and a giggling I don't know why Matt Gorley. It's the way I introduce the show, so just get over It. You can't giggle every single time.

[Matt Gourley]

I can't get over it because every time it's hilarious. It's like a nosebleed of change of environment. You go from to hi, and welcome to the show.

[Bill Burr]

I'm a professional broadcaster. Okay. And I have a question, and this is a serious question, which is can I become flexible at my age? I mean physically flexible. And this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately because I know people do yoga and stuff. I am a particularly tight, tight assed gentleman of a later vintage. You see me all the time trying to stretch it out, don't you, Sona?

[Sona Movsesian]

I think your body is capable of it.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

I don't think your mind is capable beyond.

[Bill Burr]

Be honest.

[Sona Movsesian]

I'm being very honest.

[Bill Burr]

Sounds honest to me.

[Sona Movsesian]

I am so. I think your. But your body can become flexible if you work at it. But you're also so like tightly wound.

[Bill Burr]

You're just like, oh, no. But you. But, but you see me trying, right? I do see a lot of like squats and bends and I'm trying. And I was doing a live show with Tig Notaro once and she. I was backstage just trying to stretch before I go out and she was. Had the microphone and could see me and was just calling me out in front of the whole audience like Conan's doing these stupid stretches that will in no way. It was hilarious. Of course she's hilarious. I'm kind of fascinated with this idea that I think there's part of me that thinks because of what I come from this very tightly wound, I don't know, Boston Catholic, whatever you want to do. And then my own propensities that it's never going to happen. And then there are days where I think, no, I could do this, I could do this. I could become a flexible person. But then I think there's another school of thought. No, if you're not flexible at the age I'm at now, you can look it up, Google away.

[Sona Movsesian]

I don't think that's true.

[Matt Gourley]

And I'm sorry, do you want to be flexible just to be flexible or to what end? Is there a sport you want to play or something?

[Bill Burr]

I'd like to become a sexual athlete.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, dear.

[Sona Movsesian]

A sexual athlete.

[Bill Burr]

No, no. What I would like to do is. Yeah, I just, I don't want to stick, stiffen up as I get older.

[Matt Gourley]

You're wearing some like, athletes.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. And I'm bringing it up today because, as you know, I'm still displaced, whatever. Very fortunate to still have my place But I. I do sometimes just pick clothes out of the back of my car. And today I pick this stuff out and I realized I basically wore what you would wear to like a. A gym today, which I rarely do. I usually like to dress.

[Matt Gourley]

Can you stand up?

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, sure.

[Matt Gourley]

I think it looks like you're in the Hunger Games.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, yeah. This was this. My wife got these for my son. He didn't want them, and I put them on and then I realized they're very uncomfortable. I know we should be. There's this weird cross hatching. It looks to me like I'm on the set of Logan's Run, the TV show from. Or Tron. Right, Right. And this is not me. I never do this.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think you're just missing a headband.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. But because I'm wearing this, I do feel there's a little bit of an 80s vibe. But also because I'm wearing this. When you wear clothes like this, you start doing stretches. And it was on my mind because I started doing stretches today out in the main room where everybody is. And I got on the floor and other people. Rj.

[Sona Movsesian]

Rj.

[Bill Burr]

Rj who works here at the. At the. At the podcast, he told me he's been stretching, like on a professional level since he was 5.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, he stretches an hour a day.

[Bill Burr]

He stretches an hour a day. And, and. And here's the thing. He can't stand. He's so relaxed and loose. No, no. He's brought into work in a bowl like, like, like gaspacho. And they pour him into his seat and he does his work. But no, he's. He's very impressive. He's super physically fit. And I think he's a black belt.

[Conan O'Brien]

He's a black belt.

[Sona Movsesian]

He's like a multi degree black belt in taekwondo.

[Matt Gourley]

I take back my reaction.

[Sona Movsesian]

You should.

[Bill Burr]

Maybe we should get him in here. He's probably out there. Is RJ out there? Can RJ come in? Because I'm very impressed with rj. And you know what, A lot of people work here. Not impressed with a lot of them. I literally go around looking, is there someone here who I'm impressed with? Please have a seat.

[Matt Gourley]

Hi, rj.

[RJ]

Hey, guys.

[Bill Burr]

So, rj, I should be asking you this question. First of all, what is your actual position here at the show?

[RJ]

So I'm Adam's executive assistant.

[Bill Burr]

Right.

[RJ]

And I do a lot of stuff for. Basically whatever Adam asks for, I just kind of do it. Like the easiest way of saying that.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's kind of sinister.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, that sound. So I saw you the other day, breaking into an ATM with a crowbar.

[RJ]

He asked for money.

[Bill Burr]

I know, I know. And he said, I don't want to use a card. Anyone can use a card. Use this crowbar. We were talking the other day, you mentioned stretching. It's been in the back of my head. And then today, before I know it, I'm on the ground. You're on the ground, and you're showing me these different stretches. And you did one where your hips basically just flattened out like a batch cocked chicken. They had just been. And. And I was like, my hips will never do that. I would need an operation.

[RJ]

No, no, no, no, no. So we were doing frog pose, and it just. It takes time. The thing with flexibility is you can't force it at first. You kind of have to let your body ease into it. And then once your body can ease into it, that's when we figure out how to contract muscles in a certain way.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[RJ]

And then when it lets go. When you let it go, then. Yeah, fall forward.

[Bill Burr]

Sona will tell you. Because Sona has spent many years observing me. She watches how I wash makeup off. She watches how I brush my teeth. And I could start a fire on my face. Everything I do is. Is to get it say everything, but, like, quick and hard, like, let's get this done. Yeah. And there's a self loathing involved in it. So stretching is the antithesis to all of that.

[RJ]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

And it's breathing.

[RJ]

It's a lot.

[Sona Movsesian]

And. Yeah. And just calm and patient.

[Matt Gourley]

And just kind of toes without bending your legs.

[Bill Burr]

If my. I'm going to say if I had an operation. If I had an operation where my knees were removed and my feet were presented to me, that's how I am. No, I am. My problem is, of course, I have a. I have a little bit of an unusual build. Very long legs, shorter torso, proportionally. So, yeah, if I really lean for a while. Yes. I can get down there.

[Matt Gourley]

I can't even do that.

[Bill Burr]

Well, you're a mess. I mean, I don't want to.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're not.

[Sona Movsesian]

I do think it takes time. I think you get sometimes impatient. You're like, I want to be flexible now. But you have to just, like, take your time with it, maybe. Can you be patient, Chris?

[Bill Burr]

My question is, rj, would you be willing I shift you away from your responsibilities with Adam? Because whatever shit you're doing for him, he can do for himself. And you just become my full time stretch guru.

[RJ]

Yeah, that'd be great. Let's do it. We'll both Dress how you're dressing today.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, yeah, we'll do it. Oh, really? We'll both dress like that?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Like a guy from an early 80s space television sci fi show.

[RJ]

For sure.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, I do. I. I'm. I'm into this. I want to try it. I want to try and become more flexible.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I want to evolve. This is something I'm saying as a serious thing. I, I am interested in this concept that I can keep evolving, that I can keep changing in certain ways. A lot of cool things have happened in the last 10 years that I didn't see coming. So why couldn't I become flexible?

[Sona Movsesian]

I agree.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

And I think you should definitely put the work into it and then be patient and breathe.

[Bill Burr]

And I want RJ to do it. I want him to do. Is there any way that you can do all the stretching? I'm not involved. But then somehow, you know, I inherit.

[RJ]

All the benefits in the inheriting part. Probably not, but I need somebody to be like my camera guy when I'm stretching. Like, don't see my photos.

[Conan O'Brien]

I have.

[Sona Movsesian]

He is like, full, like, past splits. It's amazing. I know. It's pretty incredible.

[Bill Burr]

That's crazy. And, and. But also, you started when you were five.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Really? Yeah.

[RJ]

Yeah. I was really into martial arts. The first thing I told my mom what I wanted to be when I grew up was a Power Ranger. So then she got me into martial arts and I just stayed. I ended up doing that for a little over 20 years to the point.

[Matt Gourley]

Where you can take a Power Ranger now. You can beat one.

[RJ]

Let's do it. Let's find a Power Ranger. I think I just joined, like, you know, side button.

[Bill Burr]

There's probably one walking around Hollywood Boulevard.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And you're just gonna. You're just gonna start kicking his ass. Poor guy's gonna have like a fanny pack. He's just trying to get.

[RJ]

He just wants a tip.

[Bill Burr]

He just wants a tip so he can take a selfie with you. Suddenly he getting wailed on by this red bearded martial artist. Well, rj, I'm very impressed by what you can do. And I will. I will try to learn from you. I will try to absorb. You are now my. You are Yoda to my Mark Hamill in the second. One of those things that later became Empire Strikes Back. Let's just get. It was the second honor. The text was the second one and then. But I guess now it's actually the 15th.

[Matt Gourley]

Well, I'm with you on that. How's flexibility of personality going?

[Bill Burr]

No, is that in play at all, Iron Rod.

[Matt Gourley]

No.

[Sona Movsesian]

Maybe we evolve into a nicer person. Yeah, maybe that's what we're.

[Bill Burr]

Who's gonna listen to that podcast? I know.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's gonna suck. It'll suck.

[Bill Burr]

Hey, let's go see the new Don Rickles. He's really nice to the audience, and he gives everybody some fruit salad. Later.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don Rickles is broke.

[Bill Burr]

Thank you, rj. All right, guys, let's get into it. My guest today. That's right. RJ's a redhead. I'm a redhead. My next guest today, also a redhead. Hilarious comedian whose latest special, Bill Burr Drop Dead Years, premieres March 14th on Hulu. He's also making his Broadway debut in Glengarry Glen Ross later this month. I love this guy. I'm thrilled he's with us today. Bill Burr, welcome. You and I have. We have a special connection. I really believe that we're both gingers.

[Conan O'Brien]

We both grew up unsightly from the Massachusetts area. We're sort of the. We're the spice in the stew. That's what the gingers are. We can't. We can't be next to each other. Like, we're only allowed. La LA county only allows us to hang out once a year and have a dinner.

[Bill Burr]

There's only two of us that are allowed to be together. Two gingers from the Boston area that are incredibly. A weird mixture of bitterness. Right. That has.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, I would have gone with anger first, but. Okay, we'll go. Bitterness, anger, confused.

[Bill Burr]

I ha. I hide my anger, I think. Or have in the past. Don't I hide it better than Bill?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, God. When it's children. Don't I hide it when I'm smacking. Smacking you in the station wagon. Agree with all my points or there will be a discussion afterwards.

[Bill Burr]

But, Sona, you've seen and Matt, you guys have seen up close the Beast, right? You've seen the Beast. We have, but for many years on television. I was a, quote, good guy. But there was a Bill Burr inside me. Always. Always.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, I think there is.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why do you gotta put your anger on me? I had nothing to do with you. And whatever happened to you.

[Bill Burr]

How do we know? How do we know? How do we know? We were in the same era. I know you're younger than me, but.

[Conan O'Brien]

You were older than me and you were always tal. So, I mean, if anything happened, it was you. You threw the ice ball at me or socket me down at Fitzy. Something happened. Stole the stereo out of myox car. What a car. What do Radio thieves do now.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know, I don't know what they do.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're gonna like take the whole dashboard out. You just walk around with this odd shaped iPad. Has anybody got a 20, 23 Mercedes? Dude, back in the day you could steal a stereo, it fit in everybody's fucking car. Another job loss to AI.

[Bill Burr]

Do you go back to reunions and things like that?

[Conan O'Brien]

High school reunions?

[Bill Burr]

I don't know if I told you this, but I went back to one of mine years ago, high school reunion. And I was doing the late night show, well known person, I go back and this guy comes up to me and he goes, hey Conan, remember the time that you and me busted into that liquor store down by the point and we stole all that booze but the cops came and we both took off and you went left and I went right and you got all the booze and then you drank it yourself. And I'm listening, I'm like, you have the wrong guy, right? I have never, I have never had a parking violation in my life. I didn't drink when I, until I was like 26. He's the wrong guy. But he inserted me into his story and I thought, I bet that happens to you. Unless. No, you were probably the guy that was.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't understand how someone doesn't. Was it that six foot four ginger or was, I mean, how many of you, how many of you were out?

[Bill Burr]

Right, yeah, there was that guy I went to high school with who looked like Jane Lynch. I couldn't remember. I, he, I think I committed a crime with him.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I, I went to high school with, I had a really cool grade. Like everybody, like it was funny. It was sort of like everybody by that, by my senior year, everybody was sort of collectively partying with each other. So there wasn't like, you know, you had the clicks, the jocks, you had the, the, the people that took wood shop, the, you know, the burnouts or whatever. And then just the background people like me. And then by the end of it we all, we used to go down this place, Dan Road, which was this industrial park that was slowly being built. Taking over the woods or anything, but they had like all of these dirt roads back there and these burnt up cars for insurance and shit. We used to drive down there and drink and every weekend the party just kept getting bigger and bigger and everybody was sort of high and drunk and just kind of got along with each other. So I've only been to one high school reunion. I went to my 25th and I had a great time. Oh, good. But because I do stand up, like, I go around and I run into a lot of people come out to my shows, so I kind of have, like, this never ending, sort of high school reunion, which is cool. When they hit me up or whatever, I always always, you know, end up talking to them backstage and shit, and they get freaked out about how old their kids are versus mine. But I.

[Bill Burr]

You got young kids.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yep. Eight and four and a half. Wow. Okay.

[Bill Burr]

My kids are in their late 50s. Children. I have sciatica.

[Conan O'Brien]

You started a little bit late, too, and I'm still way behind you.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, yeah, you're way behind me. You know, I watched your special in many areas. Yes, exactly. Don't rub it in. I watched your special Drop Dead Years. Loved it. And I know it's coming out. When's it coming out? I want to make sure I get. It's out right now. Okay. We're taping this a little beforehand. We're taping this in 1974.

[Conan O'Brien]

1974.

[Bill Burr]

We're very excited about the Red Sox next year. The 75 Red Sox, they should be amazing.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm glad that busing crisis is finally over.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, finally. Yeah. No more racism. No more racism in Boston.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm looking forward to that story just sort of disappearing so Boston can move forward.

[Bill Burr]

Boston will be fine.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

No, but I watched your special, and you talk about going to the funeral of a friend. First of all, it's a very, very funny. I feel it's a redundant saying. Bill Burr had a really funny standup special.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why is it so hard for you to say that about me?

[Bill Burr]

I said it twice. I just root against you. You know, I root against you.

[Conan O'Brien]

You couldn't even open your eyes. All right, I'm admitting he said something that was mildly amusing.

[Bill Burr]

Fucking bastard achieved some success. Another ginger from Boston. There's only room for one.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just what I needed.

[Bill Burr]

But I watched your special, and it was. It's fantastic. You talk about a. Losing a friend and going to the funeral, and of course, you have some very funny observations about that. But it opens up. You're. It feels like you're. You're opening up a little more in this special about your personal life and some of your struggles, and it's. It's. It's fantastic.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, thank you. I kind of, you know, I was of that belief, as most people that come from the east coast, that, you know, your. Your anger and shit is like your security blanket. And then. And it's. It's made you who you are, it's why you're funny, it's why you have character. It's all of this stuff. And if you for some reason let go of this and actually enjoy life or maybe take responsibility for your actions and see how your behavior affects other people for some reason, that's going to be like the undoing of you. Like, you know, there's a lot I don't know about your, how you came up, but like in Stand up, there was a lot of stuff out there. Don't get married, don't have kids, basically don't find happiness. That is the kryptonite to comedy. And I've found that it's, it's, that's not true. And it's really the opposite is once you kind of, you know, get yourself to a new place, you can kind of revisit a lot of shit that you talked about with like a new, like, sort of point of view of it. So yeah, no, I'm, I'm, listen, but believe me, dude, I, I, I've only gone up like one flight of the Empire State Building. That is my messed up personality. So, you know, this is the, the eternal question.

[Bill Burr]

And it's one I've thought about in comedy, which is you can be funny or you can be happy. And I really believed in that dichotomy. And I remember years ago living in LA and stating that to getting molested.

[Conan O'Brien]

Doing the things you had to do to get a late night talk show. Come on, it's out there now. All right.

[Bill Burr]

It's better when you say Conan.

[Conan O'Brien]

Say the name.

[Bill Burr]

We all did what we had to do. You know, I'm here now.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was a different time.

[Bill Burr]

Different time.

[Conan O'Brien]

A lot of couches. You know what?

[Bill Burr]

No one wanted me on a couch. Right? I mean, let's just be honest.

[Matt Gourley]

Not even your therapist.

[Bill Burr]

No one. Yeah, no one was like, I got to get me a piece of that Conan.

[Conan O'Brien]

But that featherless ostrich.

[Bill Burr]

Why, why do I invite you back?

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know.

[Bill Burr]

It's not right.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh my God.

[Bill Burr]

But to your point, I really did believe that that was a choice you had to make. And I was okay with being miserable. Yeah, being miserable. And I thought it made me tough.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I thought all of that stuff like, you know, you know, and all the movies that you watch, they just, they made you believe in. I remember I watched the Dirty Dozen. I watched the Dirty Dozen and there's that scene where they have to shave in cold water and we ain't shaving and blah, blah. So I Was sitting there thinking like, oh, tough guys shave in cold water. And I shaved in cold water for like seven years as like a fucking dental assistant and stand up comedian. And like, it was like just something that I. It was a subconscious thing that, that it was. All of this stuff had happened to me. So you just always thought this. Yeah, I can't. You gotta get tougher. You gotta get tougher. You gotta get tougher. So all of this stuff that's happening to me, I won't feel it. And what I was really doing was I was. I was walling myself off and it was so funny. And there was a lot of information out there about people, like, being walled off and all of that. And I would just watch them, fascinated. Like, how the fuck do you not know what you feel? Not even realizing that I was the exact same way. And. Yeah, no, it's mushrooms. Mushrooms turned me around. I had one mushroom trip and it sort of woke me up.

[Bill Burr]

See, I've had people tell me I should do that. I've never done that. And I also have a long way to go. I'll admit that I think I've made progress. You can be honest.

[Sona Movsesian]

I really do think you have. And I think mushrooms might be good for you.

[Bill Burr]

You've always thought pot would be good for me.

[Sona Movsesian]

I did. Yes, I do.

[Conan O'Brien]

Pots are depressed. That pot is like, I don't know. And weed isn't weed anymore.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, I mean, that shit.

[Conan O'Brien]

We're like, yeah, these people came over for fucking Thanksgiving, right?

[Bill Burr]

Why. Why can't it just be Thanksgiving?

[Conan O'Brien]

Because you know something? It's how I. It's how I grew up talking.

[Bill Burr]

Okay, okay. I'm just saying.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't mean it in a bad way.

[Bill Burr]

I went to my fucking kids christening.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I know, I know. Sorry. So I had some friends over for what is arguably I feel, the best holiday. This is what I really feel. But I said Thanksgiving. But I really love Thanksgiving because, yeah, it's a nice hang and you don't have to buy anything. I can't stop looking at that camera. I don't know why.

[Bill Burr]

Some giblets and gravy as he sips.

[Matt Gourley]

His dainty little coffee.

[Bill Burr]

Ice coffee.

[Conan O'Brien]

I had to get rid of the straw. I'm not that I'm not evolved enough as a man that I can drink out of a straw and still feel all right about my number four.

[Bill Burr]

I just think of it as an aluminum. Aluminum dick.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just doing my part to show that I'm an ally. Aluminum dick.

[Bill Burr]

Wait to take another sip.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, come on.

[Conan O'Brien]

This episode is called Conan Swallows. Anyway, what was I talking about? So I had some people over for Thanksgiving. This guy go, he has a joint, right? So, you know, I'll take a couple of hits, whatever. I go, what is this? And he told me. He goes, it's a nice afternoon sativa, right? So then that's like the wind was just blowing.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Through my non. Existent hair. So I go, all right. So I. Dude, I took three of the hits off of that thing. And I just wasn't at Thanksgiving anymore. I mean, I was like, there I was like. My wife just. People kept talking to me. My wife just kept going, he's useless. He's useless. You gotta wait a couple hours.

[Bill Burr]

It's so powerful. Yeah. No, I'm not.

[Conan O'Brien]

I.

[Bill Burr]

It's too late.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, that's why I. I ended up texting you some of the joke a few days later. That thing where we were doing the thing, me and this other guy were high out of our minds. And, like, nobody in this industry has been buying anything since the strike, but they're taking meetings, wasting your time. So we were like, we should waste their time back. We were just pitching sequels to perfect movies that didn't need a sequel. And my favorite one was Two Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. This time he's keeping the sink, and it's all about the Indian guy. After he throws it, he picks the sink up and he's running with it, and Tommy Lee Jones is chasing him. It's just basically comes the fugitive.

[Bill Burr]

You merge. Fugitive.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And my favorite part was he's standing near the waterfall and he's like, this means a lot to me and Tommy Lee Jones. Like, I don't care. So I opened that up to my podcast listeners. Dude, regular people are so fucking funny now because they're. They're pitching jokes, and so now they're funny. Somebody had the best one, wrote a sequel to Schindler's List. It was called Schindler's Wrist. It's about the carpal tunnel Schindler got writing. The list and the therapy and the therapy and the therapy that happened. And the movie just ends with him being like, yeah, you know, it feels pretty good. You know, just totally anticlimactic.

[Bill Burr]

How you feeling, Schindler? I gotta say, pretty good. Pretty good.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're a wizard.

[Bill Burr]

We drink so much water every day, and it's just water. And I'm like, hello, boring. There's gotta be a way to make water more exciting. Well, guess what? Someone cracked it with authentic Flavors and lively carbonation. Waterloo sparkling waters bring full flavor artistry. Blay, you're drinking one right now. Drinking one right now. I got the raspberry nectarine and it is tasty. It's very good. Very tasty. Everyone here in the office has been enjoying them. They're excellent. They're delicious. And you know, you say, what's flavor artistry? Some people think, oh, you're just talking a lot of high class nonsense, Conan. No, it's about custom crafting multi sensorial flavor experiences of aroma, taste and mouthfeel that make you say wow. Wow to that sentence. Waterloo waters are crafted, not formulated or off the shelf. Just purified sparkling water and non GMO project verified natural flavors, which I insist on.

[Sona Movsesian]

Me too.

[Bill Burr]

With zero calories, sugars or sweeteners. I drink water constantly. I just had a couple of glasses of water and it was just regular water upstairs. And I regret that time. It was boring.

[Sona Movsesian]

You'll never get that back.

[Bill Burr]

I'll never get that time back. Three full glasses of water. I wish it was Waterloo and I could have had. What did you have? Raspberry. You know what, what's that one cracking open a peach right now. Okay, well, you could have offered that to me. You just ate a second when I haven't had one.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, sorry.

[Bill Burr]

Nice. Thanks a lot.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm so thirsty.

[Bill Burr]

Were you working tomorrow? Give Waterloo sparkling water a try. Look for Waterloo sparkling water next time you shop. Learn more about the flavors from Waterloo sparkling [e-mail] Sona which McDonald's breakfast order gets people out of bed the fastest? Golden brown hash browns. Savory bacon, egg and cheese McGriddles or fluffy hotcakes? What do you think?

[Sona Movsesian]

All of them.

[Bill Burr]

If you said all the above, then you are correct. Yeah. You win Nothing Anyway, with McDonald's breakfast, you just. You can't go wrong. How can you go wrong? You can't pick a wrong thing from that lineup. Even if you want to pair a Diet Coke with your egg McMuffin. No judgment. Not from me, not from you, not from anybody. So wake up. Sorry, that was too aggressive.

[Sona Movsesian]

So angry.

[Bill Burr]

Wake up. It's time for McDonald's breakfast.

[Conan O'Brien]

Stand up. Comedian, actor and writer John Mulaney is coming to you live every Wednesday. John invites you into his world on Everybody's Live with John Mulaney. Exclusively on Netflix. This weekly comedy talk show covers whatever he's interested in this week. It's reckless, it's eccentric. It includes iconic guest combinations that you could only imagine in your wildest Dreams tune in weekly at 10pm Eastern Standard Time. Everybody's Live with John Mulaney is now playing only on Netflix.

[Bill Burr]

Well, you've changed your life a lot, right? You've. You've cleaned up your act a little bit.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, I feel I have, yeah. My wife. I don't know. I just don't know if I'm ever gonna get over that hump.

[Bill Burr]

She's. First of all, I love your wife.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen, enough about you and your private desires.

[Bill Burr]

I'm just saying we live in an experimental age. We live at a time.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, you're sucking an aluminum dick.

[Bill Burr]

Hey. And I have no shame about it.

[Conan O'Brien]

I gotta tell you, the second. Hold on a second. The second the tie comes off, I'm telling you, man, this guy, he becomes a different guy.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, there's always a clip on that.

[Conan O'Brien]

My wife is. Yeah, she's the best. She's the best.

[Bill Burr]

You guys came over for dinner and she's fantastic. And I feel I accomplished the same thing. I found the right person. I found someone who is on me, understands me, does not let me get away with shit. Sometimes she lets me get away with a little just because she's like, ah, let him go.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, just let him blow out the lines a little bit. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Bill Burr]

Let him go. But. But yeah, Nia's amazing.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, she is. You know, just when you're fucked up like me, I do need. I. The one big thing in our thing is I had to let her know. I go, I need an atta boy every once in a while. Okay? You can't just every fucking day be reading me the riot act. I mean, I know I'm a fucked up guy and I know that I'm difficult to live with, but every once in a while, you know, I did make waffles this morning. You know, I don't remember that being brought up. Is that true?

[Bill Burr]

No one says it's attaboy anymore, by the way.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is that just expected? Yeah, no one says that a boy.

[Bill Burr]

No, no one says atta boy.

[Conan O'Brien]

How about. There you go. There you go.

[Bill Burr]

There you go. You did it. Look at you. Look at.

[Conan O'Brien]

It becomes real passive.

[Bill Burr]

Look at big boy over here.

[Conan O'Brien]

It becomes real passive aggressive. There you go.

[Bill Burr]

There you go.

[Conan O'Brien]

Look at you. Must be nice. Must be nice. I got that one. I got that one from somebody who's completely up their life. He goes, oh, yeah, you know, you're out there in LA doing things. Christmas is coming up, you got money for gifts. Must be nice. Must be nice. I'm just like, oh, yeah, it is. Life is pretty good when you're not doing drugs, getting fired every two weeks.

[Bill Burr]

Also, I'm sorry, this guy is coming to you with a real low bar. Oh, you get, you know, Must be nice.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, no, that was it. That was it.

[Bill Burr]

Must be nice.

[Conan O'Brien]

That was it.

[Bill Burr]

Must be nice. You got some sneakers you can put on your feet?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, that, that was, that was, it was building towards that, you know, I mean, you know. Yeah, it's just, it just was one of those things. And I always told him, I said, listen, dude, if you're in a hole, if you're reaching up, I'll try to pull you out. But if you're face down in it, digging it deeper every day, I'm not fucking, I'm not getting involved in that. And he just couldn't get his head around that. And then he'd go, I don't know. The last time I talked to him, he goes, I've been working out. I've been working out. I go, oh, that's great. I thought he was turning his life around. He lost a fight to his son.

[Bill Burr]

Wait, that was his workout? He came at his son and lost?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, he was working out because he lost a fight to his son. So he's like, oh, man, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta lay off, gonna lay off this. It's just fucking. No, but that's one of the things.

[Bill Burr]

The craziest motivation for. I gotta hit the gym.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm signing up.

[Bill Burr]

Hey, well, what made you come in? Well, I'm fighting my, my, my 17 year old son and he got the better of me. So this was my wake up call that I need to work out so I can beat the shit out of him.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right. And people always say, like, why, why is it, why are so many people from Massachusetts funny? And I always go like, cause that is the kind of person you run into all the time. And he said that without a bit of funny. It wasn't supposed to be weird. Yep. Or anything. He was just straight up talking to me going like, yeah, man, he's, he's strong now. I mean, he actually like knocked me down and stuff. So, you know, I've been doing the curls and it's just like, do you ever think of just like maybe going out to like have a cup of coffee and figure out what's going on with you guys? Like, I don't think you want, you really want to, you don't want to fight your son. I don't think he wants to fight you. No, dude, no, I Know, I know, but still, you know, just like, you know, it's one of those, I don't know, I, I, I go back to. And another thing too, I always remember when you were in Massachusetts is people would always, oh, you know that guy. Oh, dude, that guy's a character. He's a character. And everybody is like this, like, it's, it's like they're very, like, uninhibited and, and they get into, like, their, these, these habits and these things that they do and, and they don't realize, like, how colorful they are. And it's not until you travel and you go back and you just, you come back to Massachusetts, you're like, these, you go to, like. I don't know what it's like now because, like, sports is like, so, I don't know, I can't stand the direction that it went into. But when I used to go to, like, tailgates at the fucking Pats game, you know, when you were, like, drinking on Route 1, we used to park in this guy's backyard. And then you walk down train tracks, active fucking train tracks. People walking, holding hands with kids. And then you would go up the, under Route 1, up the thing and then walk in. And just the shit that you saw, the stuff that people said, it was a comedy show from all the way, people trying to be funny. People not being, just being who they were. You get to your section before the giant, you know, fucking screens took over, there was a class clown in every fucking section. And I used to try to be that guy. And sometimes I was. And then there was. Sometimes there'd be a guy funnier than me, and then I would just be entertained by him. And that happened at Red Sox games, Bruins games, big time Celtics, all of those things. And I think, like, these TV screens and all of this shit that they have now, it's just like crowd control. Like the second there's a stop at your play that's like, you know, they got these dumb races and your section has to root for it to, like, win a T shirt and shit. It's, it's dumb. Were you.

[Bill Burr]

I was of the era where my brother and I would go down to Fenway park without it. Just would think, hey, let's go watch a Red Sox game. And we'd walk down and you could get bleacher seats.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, yeah. For like eight bucks.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. And we would get bleacher seats and we would sit in the bleachers. No planning, no, like, we got tickets and we would go and we'd sit up there. And what they did was they hired. This is back when the Red Sox.

[Conan O'Brien]

They'D stand on Conan's shoulders and then pulled himself up, up over the Green Monster.

[Bill Burr]

What's happening up there, Luke?

[Conan O'Brien]

Slide down.

[Bill Burr]

Hey, Luke, who's ahead?

[Conan O'Brien]

The Reds are giving us a shellack. And then, then the beginning of his comedy career. Hey, you guys were supposed to pull me up. Fuck you, you redheaded cunt. And then they go, hey, that's the.

[Bill Burr]

Title of my autobiography. That was supposed to be a surprise. Random House next year. Fuck you, you fucking redheaded cunt.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was doing a pre promotion for you.

[Bill Burr]

Thank you. No, but we would sit in the bleachers and what was hilarious was they used to hire like football players, these massive linebackers from, I think, BU and they would, you know, at guys with massive necks. And they were the crowd control, but not professional crowd control. Their job was just, if anything got out of line, if they saw some people, like, get having a little too much to drink and maybe getting into it, starting to fight a little bit, these guys with massive necks from BU would go running up and they would wail people. And that was more. We went to watch that more than we could watch the game.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, the art of bouncing back then, it was. Nobody knew how to de. Escalate a situation. It was all just ramping it up. I still remember I was doing this gig at Nick's Comedy Stop and downstairs was a nightclub. And I still remember the night these guys, they kicked this dude out. And I don't know if this guy ever walked again. They basically, it was a dance floor. And you know, you're in there, it's super fucking loud, you know, Bel Biv Devoe era. Like that shit was playing, you know, Poison or something. And then you just heard this commotion. And I looked over and I think it was two bouncers. And they had just grabbed this guy, picked him up and started running full speed with them. And there's like innocent people there. And the crowd just parted like that. And they. They had him like nine feet in the air and the door Jamb is like 8. And they were both running like a 4:40 with this guy. And like from the middle of his back to the back of his head just slammed into this middle thing and he folded in half like a chair. Just threw him out onto Warrenton Street. I remember everyone like that. You can't.

[Bill Burr]

I like that. You can't get through this without laughing, dude. It was. That's the most Boston part of this. So anyway, his Spine is severed.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, but now, like, there was, like, no cameras. So it's just like, like, if you ever did that today, forget about. There'd be cameras. The owner of the club would be like, dude, I'm gonna have a lawsuit every fucking weekend. You guys are fired. So they just threw that. Everybody was like, oh. Everybody just went. Went, oh. And then the music's still playing. And, like, it was the funniest thing ever as far as, like, it took a good minute for relaxed dancing to happen again. It was kind of like, yeah, it is.

[Bill Burr]

Bell Bib, devoe.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, it was definitely like, the tone had been set. I never, like, they, they must. And they must have done that more than once because they were working together. They just grabbed the guy. I knew a guy that was a bouncer. He said sometimes we would just walk up to somebody just to start a fight, and we just walk up to him, be like, hey, man, you got to get out of here. And they, they didn't do anything. And they would just do it hoping that they would, because they, you know, a lot of guys were on Juice back then, and it was, you know, it wasn't the, the cream that they have now that also has, like, a suntan lotion or whatever, a sunscreen in it. Whatever these guys have now, that's what I use. It was. It was the horse tranquilizer shit. So they, like, wanted to get into fights. And I somehow I avoided all of that. I avoided all of that shit. Like, past a certain age. I just stuff. I was like, these guys of, like, people get their ears bit off and stuff. You know, I knew this guy, like, you know, like his party trick. He would eat a light bulb. Oh, yeah. Gums bleeding, smiling at you. And she was just like, yeah, these guys.

[Bill Burr]

These guys was a better time.

[Conan O'Brien]

These guys are on another. These guys are on another level. I'm just gonna stick to the comedy. And, yeah, there was. There was some really interesting. There was a lot of characters back then.

[Bill Burr]

A lot of characters. It's funny you did this special in Seattle. I almost sensed you love to go to a place where you feel like you're not just gonna. You could. You could go to certain places where you're just gonna get. Where you know what their attitude is, and, you know you're gonna get unconditional love. Obviously, you have a lot of fans in Seattle, but you go there, I think, because you want to challenge some of what Seattle may stand for right now in some ways. Is that possible?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I, I, I, I did what I did in Seattle because of collectively the way they think. But, like, if I did it in Utah, I would have did it a different way.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

But it would have been the same thing to kind of, like, you know, like, mess with them a little bit.

[Bill Burr]

But you like the pushback. You enjoy it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, yeah, because the thing. I can't. I don't want to.

[Bill Burr]

It's your. I mean, it's. I'm. It's the cold shave for you. There's part of you that wants to go someplace, and you did this for years on my show, which was, you know, why I always loved you. But you would have the take that wasn't the comfortable take that everyone would applaud at. You would always want to put yourself in a situation where you were pushing people away.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

[Bill Burr]

No, but. No, but it was hilarious. And I think something that's quite unusual about you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, the reason why I love the city and then that theater, for me is a funny place because everyone talks about, like, Nirvana, that they were the ones that knocked off the metal bands off the top 10 on MTV. And it was. It was really. I felt when Pearl Jam put out that video and Eddie Vedder climbed up at the Moore Theater and dropped down into the crowd, and it was like, okay, so that Nirvana thing wasn't a fluke. There's more of these bands. And it was, like, the first time that I felt, like, old, you know, I was about 23. Yeah. There was no more exciting birthdays. You know, I. You know. 16, you get your license. 18, you're an adult. 21, you can drink. 22, you graduate college. This is the first kind of like, oh, now I just go, all right, bye. Good luck with your life. We're watching these people. And it was just funny to me to go back to that place where that happened, because it took me forever to like that band, and now I like them. But it took me forever because I was just. Because I was just like, fuck those guys.

[Bill Burr]

Wait, Pearl Jam?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

What was your beef with Pearl Jam?

[Conan O'Brien]

They knocked Warrant off. It was so stupid.

[Matt Gourley]

Because you liked Warren.

[Conan O'Brien]

It wasn't that. It was. It wasn't. What they represented was. I wasn't young anymore.

[Bill Burr]

It was the A.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was. Listen, I even. I knew when all of those W bands were coming in that, like, this is, like, the NW bands. But there was also still some, like. I'll tell you this. What's. What's their face? Oh, my God, I'm flaking on the name Here when they did monkey business. Sebastian Bach.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, Skid row.

[Conan O'Brien]

Skid row.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, dude.

[Conan O'Brien]

Them live on SNL doing monkey business or whatever. Dude, I'll put that up against anybody. Sebastian Bach in the whole band sounded fucking unreal. But, but the, the, the whole industry at that point was already moving on.

[Bill Burr]

Sure.

[Conan O'Brien]

To grunch. And it's a killer album. So there was, there was still, you know, any genre, there's going to be like awful versions of that. But like, that was just my first experience of like, oh, wow, this is like, like over, you know, so that's kind of why I picked that theater to do it. Because it was funny to me, like to come back to this place that remind. And then, you know, drop dead years. This whole mortality thing that I was thinking.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, you talk about. You say there's these ages when men, not women, men just drop dead. And you say it's 49 to 61.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And anything after that, you're just looking at a prolonged illness. No, you, you gotta.

[Bill Burr]

But you say that's the age. That's this window. And he said, it doesn't happen. It's really funny. I don't want to blow your special. I want people to watch it.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's the years I'm in. So I've got to make sure I go to the hot doctor and I got to make sure I watch what I eat, dude. And then, you know, then you can make it to that next level where, you know, you're that old guy at the golf club talking about how they just took your gallbladder out and, you know, just talking about what ails you. I can never be that guy. I've tried so many times to get into golf. I just cannot find.

[Bill Burr]

I don't do it. I tried it once and I thought it's going to take so much work for me to be very bad that I want to put that time into maybe getting a little better at guitar. Like, that was my. I know.

[Conan O'Brien]

And nobody seems to be enjoying it. Like you talk about anybody goes, you know, how's it going? You know, first four holes were good. And all of a sudden I couldn't have my fucking driver. And it's like, why would you keep doing this? And it takes forever and it's mind numbingly, like, boring. It's just. I like watching pros do it. I like that my friends enjoy doing it. But I would rather go do shit. Yeah. I'd rather go play drums, ride a motorcycle, fly a helicopter. Like, why wouldn't you do that? As opposed to, say, 112 yards?

[Bill Burr]

What do you think?

[Conan O'Brien]

What are you going?

[Bill Burr]

What are you going.

[Conan O'Brien]

You own 7, 8 iron. They got their sniper scope. It's so. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. It's like all you guys need to go home and either get divorced or work on your marriage because there is nothing. Nothing is happening here. This is. It's like a library. Like, you got it. Like the whole. It's so quiet, all of this. It's just bad. It's just bad. And everybody with the wacky. You either wear really wacky clothes like you're in a Three Stooges sketch. Or, or, or you dress, hey, lady. Or you dress like you're. You're, you know, Tiger woods adjacent or whatever. Yeah. So.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, he's a scratch golfer. Your guy's a scratch golfer. Oh, is he? That's amazing. Like, he's dunking. It's just like.

[Bill Burr]

Well, this makes me happy because I. Sometimes I'm adjacent to a lot of people that are golfers. Jeff Ross golfs a lot and likes to talk about golf.

[Sona Movsesian]

Eduardo just said anything.

[Conan O'Brien]

All the time. Yeah, no, no, listen. If. If. Listen, if that's what gets you going, that. That's cool. I just. I tried. No offense. No, because it. I'm. I'm joking. It does look like a great hand. It does look like a great hang.

[Bill Burr]

We shit talk all the time.

[Conan O'Brien]

It should be nine holes, and I would argue maybe seven.

[Bill Burr]

Seven holes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Like, if. Is there a golf slider thing that I could do? Like three holes?

[Bill Burr]

There are courses that offer nine holes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, no, there's. There's one off the five. That's a par three. There's one down in Torrance. That's an eight. An 18 hole par three. It's like. That's. That's what I. Yeah, I'm going here with three clubs, 48 balls, and I'm not looking for any of them. I don't give a. And I count every fucking stroke. Like, if I go to tee off and I miss, I. Oh, that's a breakfast. Well, no, it isn't. It isn't. Right. It isn't. I was trying to hit the ball and I missed. That counts. Setting the tone. These are going to be honest scores today and nobody looks at you. They all look down at their silly pants. No, it attracts and rewards dishonest people. A lot of contractors, real estate agents, lawyers. You just run out a lot of people.

[Bill Burr]

You're a happy man. Now that's what I like. You know, your Anger fuels you, dude.

[Conan O'Brien]

I went on a motorcycle ride the other day that was fucking life changing. It was just. It was fun. I was riding.

[Bill Burr]

Where'd you go?

[Conan O'Brien]

I. I went up the canyons in, I think La Canada or something like up that way. And it was my buddy's bike and it was a big bike and I was, you know, those big Harleys with the fucking fairing. So it's like scary, you know, it's like you're on a Clydesdale and on the way up, I was kind of scary. But on the way back, I kind of got the feel for it and I kind of, you know, did my version of tearing through the canyon and I. It was like I was euphoric for like two days doing that. And that's like, just not something golf has never done for me. Like, I remember a couple times I've hit good shots and people are going, that's the shot that's gonna make you come back. It's like. No, it's not. Do you have nighttime golfing? I would do that. Like those, you know, like those driving range things. Those. Yeah, yeah. With the big net. That looks like fun, you know, those chicks there, the people drinking and stuff. Yeah, topgolf. That looks like, like, if I was young. This is like a nightclub with golf. That looks fun, but like, to actually just become a member. Have to vote on things. Like, you join this sports hoa. Okay. We got a dentist here, seems like a good guy. He wants to be a member. Let's see, Conan. You take him out for a round of golf and feel him up. Feel if he's our kind of person that we want in our little clubhouse here.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know.

[Sona Movsesian]

Nhoa.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can't. It really is.

[Bill Burr]

You know, you talked about one thing. There's so many things you bring up that I relate to, and one is you don't own a gun, but you like guns and you bring this up in your special and I kind of relate. Meaning I'm too scared to own a gun. No, no, I don't want a gun in my house.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'd love to have one.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, you would? I don't want a gun in my house. I don't want to. But I've kind of always been fascinated by guns. And the times that I've been in situations where someone's let me shoot guns, I've. It's found it to be very cathartic. It's really interesting to me. I like to kind of get the basics down of it, but I don't want to own one. Yeah, I understand that.

[Conan O'Brien]

I. Because I know that I am like, I mean the joke. I do. I, you know, I lose my cell phone. Like. Like I'll walk into a room to. To get something that I forgot, and then I will leave. And in the process of getting that, I'll have left whatever was in my hand.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And my passport, and I'll get to the airport. Fucking, I got to go back. Like, I am too, whatever it is. However, my brain is like, you have to be on it to own a fucking gun, especially if you have kids in the house. And like, you know, I, you know, you kind of got to know where your skill set is, you know? So, like, I learned a lot of, like, in, like, aviation, where of not is flying within your ability. You know what I mean? So you're always looking at the weather and stuff like that, and I just always look at that stuff. You keep the odds in your favor. And you don't just do something when you're up there, because what you're flying can do it. It's like, do you have the ability to do it? Is it safe to do it here? Or whatever? And, you know, just doing stuff like that, like, I, I just look at like, no, I, like, I. I go into gun stores all the time. I like the old school, like, revolvers, all like those cop shows that I watch. I'm like, oh, that's the Clint Eastwood right there. That's Beretta. Had that or whatever, you know, And I like the old school, like, rifles and stuff, but I'm not into like the. I don't know, like the, the. The semi automatics. No. What's the one that everybody wants to get? The AK, what is it, AR15?

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

To me, that's like the electric car of the gun world, you know? But, like, if you just have a revolver, that's like driving a stick. You know what I mean? You got to be good at it. That shit's kind of like, you know, you just. You're just watching your misses until you hit the fucking person. What?

[Bill Burr]

True, though.

[Conan O'Brien]

How many fucking opportunities do you need?

[Bill Burr]

Jesus Christ, 900. Anything that's firing 900 rounds, you don't have to. There's no skill.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's a gunfight meets T ball. Yeah. So. No, but that's also like another thing too, is what I'm trying to do now, like, when I'm going out there is I'm trying to more like, bring people together, which is a really hard thing to do because everything Gets politicized like fires, viruses. I did Kimmel the other night. I deliberately was apolitical. Complimented the fire department, Department of Water. And somebody takes a clip and said that I, you know, Bill Sides with Gavin Newsom. It's like, I couldn't pick that guy out of a fucking lineup. I've seen him after games when they cut to KTLA and they show him for a second salt and pepper hair sort of stuff.

[Bill Burr]

Sure, he's a game show host.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, I have a vague understanding of who that guy is, but, like, I didn't know what party he was in. I don't watch any of that shit. I don't watch any of that.

[Bill Burr]

You don't watch news? You're not a news junkie.

[Conan O'Brien]

There is no news. Yeah, there is no news. It's just all people's fucking opinions. And then politicians are grossly underpaid, so they let you vote. So you get to choose who goes, oh, my guy won or my guy lost or whatever. And then they go in there and then the rest of the time you don't get to like vote on what they're voting. They vote on it. And the people that own them, you know, they're working for them. And all of those guys, like, you know, they're all worth like 40, 60, 80, $100 million, making like six figures a year. How do you do that legally? How do you, Conan?

[Bill Burr]

I don't have the answers.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know you don't. And everybody but the genius is they got everybody. Like, they divide, divide, divide. Every fucking time. CNN does it, Fox News does it. And I find these people that, who watch that shit. It's like people who come out of prison who are institutionalized, you know, and they can't fucking live unless they're inside. You watch that 24 hour news enough, you know, and you follow, you know, you start thinking paranoid thoughts, and you follow those paranoid thoughts onto the Internet. There's going to be a website that agrees with whatever fucked up thought you have and then validates it. Then you just go like crazy. Like my last time I did, I did Kimmel, somebody wrote to me and was like, dead certain that Jimmy Kimmel was a CIA operative.

[Bill Burr]

Well, he may be, actually. I mean, I don't like to add fuel to the fire, but I was with him in the CIA for a while. It was me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now, what did you do? What did you do to get kicked out that the CIA disowned you?

[Bill Burr]

We don't want a hairless ostrich. Featherless, featherless oh, okay. Featherless. No, it was me. It was Fallon. There was a bunch of us that were in heavy CIA training. I was asked to leave. Fallon kept singing. They asked him to leave Sona. Which McDonald's breakfast order gets people out of bed the fastest? Golden brown hash browns. Savory bacon, egg and cheese McGriddles or fluffy hotcakes? What do you think? All.

[Conan O'Brien]

All of the above.

[Bill Burr]

If you said all the above, then you are correct. Yeah. You win. Nothing. Anyway, with McDonald's breakfast, you just. You can't go wrong. How can you go wrong? You can't pick a wrong thing from that lineup. Even if you want to pair a Diet Coke with your egg McMuffin. No judgment. Not from me, not from you, not from anybody. So wake up. Sorry, that was too aggressive.

[Sona Movsesian]

So angry.

[Bill Burr]

Wake up. It's time for McDonald's breakfast.

[Sona Movsesian]

If you work in quality control at a candy factory, you know, strict safety regulations come with the job. It's why you partner with Grain Grainger. Grainger helps you find the high quality and compliant products your business needs to inspect, detect, and help correct issues. And the sweetest part is everyone gets a product that's as safe to eat as it is delicious. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was into conspiracy theory, but then, like, once you're actually in the thing that people are conspiring about and you realize how ridiculous their theories are because you actually have a little bit of information, it's like, oh, my God, like, that's me. That's how I was. I used to think all of this shit, and I was putting things together and I forgot that I didn't know any of these people. I was a zillion miles away or whatever.

[Bill Burr]

But my least favorite thing in this era we're in is everyone's certain is certainty. And I like, whatever happened to uncertainty? Whatever happened to I like comedy where I admit I don't know. I don't know what the answers are. And I'm gonna think of some stuff that is amusing to me and share it with you and hope that you find it funny. But I see it a lot in comedy now. There's a lot of certainty. And in politics, everyone's absolutely 100% certain about everything. And that's the thing.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was guilty of that, like, early. I like to think earlier in my career I was doing this. And then, you know, now I'm trying to do more of that. So I always try to, like Always just let people know that I don't watch the news and I don't read. And this is just what I feel. It comes across that you don't have to do it.

[Bill Burr]

It's very clear.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, good. No, that's good. Cause I don't want. I don't want the responsibility of that. Like, you know, can you read?

[Bill Burr]

Are you able to read?

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean.

[Bill Burr]

You'Re acting. It sound like it was a decision that you made.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, it depends on, like, you know, when I was really fucked up, like really fucked up and didn't know I was fucked up, it would take me 20 minutes to read one page because every word or sentence would remind me of something. Like my brain was like on spin cycle. And it took a long time to understand that. I just thought I was dumb because that's what they said when you were. You know, there wasn't like all of these diagnoses. You were just an idiot. And so that's what I thought I said, oh, this is taking so long because I'm dumb. And then after I was. I know. I think I might be a little traumatized. I don't. Or I don't know what the fuck it is. But I also knew enough not to take any drugs because of it. It's like, oh, you know, I can kind of like try to figure this out and get myself. Yeah, it's like all these idiots taking Ozempic. It's like, do you really think after all that cake you ate that all you have to do is shoot this thing into your fucking leg and then you're going to be skinny? Like, okay, not. Not to do a pun here, but you can't have your cake and eat it. Like, there's going to be an unbelievable disease on the other side of that. You don't just get to melt the pounds away. And there you go. That was weird. And then I just did this YouTube. Somebody was trying to claim that these sugar companies are now breaking down, what's an Ozempic? And they're putting a chemical in their candy that's going to override the Ozempic. And it's just like. So my body is basically a battlefield. Like, I'm not even a person at this point. Well, that's my thing. Why I don't watch the news of politics because no one's talking about. Nobody's talking about that shit. Or you watch like a fucking baseball game and everybody's holding up a sign of somebody they knew that beat or died of cancer. And nobody's saying why or asking why do all. They never did that. People used to smoke at the fucking game. And you knew less people that died of cancer. Like, I want people to start holding up signs like, you know, thank you, Roundup. And you watch how quickly MLB will cut away from that because they make. They're in business with those guys. Yeah. Oh, here I go. Now I'm going on the Internet.

[Bill Burr]

That's okay. That's okay. So you're. You're positing that there's a lot of carcinogens out there and no one's talking about it?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I just wish that regular people, which is most of us, would just stop yelling at each other. Stop letting these fucking idiots get you stirred up. Stop arguing with bots. Like, no matter what the fuck is on there, like it'd be, you know, like the LA fires or something. All you gotta do is, ah, cause of Biden, because of Trump, Kamala. That's all you gotta do. And then all of these fucking people just jump on the hook and it's a fire.

[Bill Burr]

It used to be something you didn't argue about. There's a bad fire.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know. Just watch Chinatown and just realize that this place shouldn't be here.

[Bill Burr]

Right?

[Conan O'Brien]

We've all known this. It's a desert.

[Bill Burr]

There has never been water in. Yep.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can't believe I live in a desert and there's no water in the hydrants.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, Jesus.

[Conan O'Brien]

There's some in your ice, Beth. People, your lawn is all green. This did. Like, we're living like idiots out here. We know that we're living on. Like we're living on the moon and it looks like we're living in New Hampshire. Like eventually that that's gonna come around, you know, and every year we have a drought and they tell you not to take as long a shower and blah, blah, blah, and we all fucking blow it up. I think we're all responsible for that. I don't think you just blame it on like a political party. And I don't have a solution for that. But I don't think the solution is to sit there and blame people and try to, you know, happened during your watch, Conan. This is on you. The St. Francis Dam disaster is on you, by the way. They found out years later that they built that dam into a prehistoric mudslide and they didn't have the technology and that guy carried the guilt of that. When the St. Francis Dam collapsed out here and like a 30 foot wall of water went to the through the valley, they found people's bodies down in like fucking Mexico. And this guy carried.

[Bill Burr]

You can't get through this without laughing.

[Conan O'Brien]

That is so Boston.

[Bill Burr]

I just found bodies in Mexico.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, I just can't imagine you're in your log cabin or whatever, Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, this wall of water. And then if there is a God, you wake up talking to him, still holding your ban, spitting out fish.

[Bill Burr]

What the Out. Spitting out fish.

[Conan O'Brien]

Like a cartoon.

[Bill Burr]

I know, like a cartoon.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh my God.

[Bill Burr]

I can't believe you're.

[Conan O'Brien]

The guy who built that shit. And you're like, what happened? He probably heard it. He probably heard it go through the sound of it. What is that? What is that? That's the shit you built, you fucking asshole.

[Bill Burr]

What made you think of the St. Francis Dam?

[Conan O'Brien]

Look that up.

[Bill Burr]

When did that happen?

[Conan O'Brien]

Where did this happen? Oh, this is even better. After the dam collapse, some fucking asshole wanted to climb up it to do like the original selfie or whatever. He climbed up on top and he.

[Bill Burr]

Fell off and died.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was built between 1924 and 1926.

[Bill Burr]

And when did it collapse?

[Conan O'Brien]

1927. The dam failed in 1928. Yeah. Oh my God.

[Bill Burr]

So we're sitting here talking about current events and you just go right to the St. Francis Dam collapse in New York.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because I know you like old timey shit.

[Bill Burr]

I do.

[Conan O'Brien]

You like Winston Churchill and Theodore Rose of health. I've been to his house. He has the library of a 90 year old I think was missing. He should just greet me with a pipe.

[Bill Burr]

I have a pretty good library.

[Conan O'Brien]

He does. They're all leather bound.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, come on, they're not all leather.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, he was, you know what?

[Bill Burr]

I should have in my house.

[Conan O'Brien]

He was totally intimidating. He was going, I've read all of these. I did not. He goes, and all this information is in here.

[Bill Burr]

It's all in my mind.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you, you and you will all sit here and listen to it. Oh my God. It's the longest night of my life.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, come on.

[Conan O'Brien]

I get it, Conan. You've read about the Third Reich. Jesus Christ. Dennis Miller would have been like, take it easy.

[Bill Burr]

Take it easy, Cha cha.

[Conan O'Brien]

Jesus, I would love to see the two you guys. One of my old girlfriends going back and forth.

[Bill Burr]

One of my old girlfriends took a photo of me and it's like on this beautiful beach, like 1994, when I took like my first vacation ever. And I'm on the beautiful beach in the Caribbean and I'm sitting there and I'm reading William Shirer's Rise and Fall. The Third Reich. It's like a telephone book with a swastika on the COVID And I'm completely in shade because God forbid.

[Conan O'Brien]

What country were you in?

[Bill Burr]

No, I was in the Caribbean somewhere. And so God forbid I get any sunlight at all. And I'm wearing, you know, Rose Kennedy sun hat underneath an umbrella, and I'm reading this giant morality tale about the rise and fall of the Third Reich in tiny print.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, I went to Prague and I went to that church where those guys holed up. Who shot that SS guy?

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And they stayed there for, like, fucking. I don't know how many days, just fighting these guys off. They tried to flood it and drown. They still got the bullet holes in there.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

So it's unreal. Like. Like, World War II is just, like, this thing. Because it wasn't here. When you go over there, it's just. They still got the, like. If you go into, like, Berlin.

[Bill Burr]

Sure, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And what. The few structures that are left, you're like, oh, yeah, this really fucking happened. You know, you go to, like, countries that they bombed, and they just have the ugliest buildings, because after the war, they were just leveled and their economy was done, so they just had to, like, just build these things.

[Bill Burr]

I was doing my travel show with my team, and we checked into this town in Lintz named Lintz. And we're walking around, and I said, every building here looks like it was built starting in 1950, man. For whatever reason, they bombed the shit out of the place. And so I got on my phone, looked up Lintz. Like, what happened in Lintz? And Lintz is the. It wasn't his birthplace, but it was the town where Hitler grew up. The Allies knew that it was also. They. I think it was an armaments. They built armaments there, and so they bombed the shit out of it. And you can see that. Every single building. And I've seen this in Cologne, too, where the only thing they didn't hit was the cathedral. The cathedral. And I've talked to people there, and they've said people who think, you know, war, who romanticize war, need to come to these places.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, no.

[Bill Burr]

It's brutal because every single. Every single building was demolished.

[Conan O'Brien]

Everything there's in. What are they called now? Chechnya? Whatever they're calling it now. There's a town where they. I haven't gone. I would never. It's just too sad to go to. But, like, when they killed that SS guy, for some reason, they. I don't know. I forget the story.

[Bill Burr]

They assassinated Him. Him. The resistance assassinated him.

[Conan O'Brien]

So they found out whatever town, some of those guys they thought they were from and they killed everybody in that town. So they have like this, this, you know, these silhouettes of like, you know, men, women, children. It's just, it's brutal. It's brutal. And then what's funny is when you go, what's funny?

[Bill Burr]

This is unbelievable. Go, go.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'll tell you what's funny is you go to Stockholm, Sweden. Okay. And it looks like you're in the Keebler Elf's like home city.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you're like, well, why did this one survive? And you found out they remained neutral. Yeah, yeah. So they, they let the Nazis, they look the other way as they use their trains to go into Norway. And then that whole thing was wild because I went over there and they were talking about how, you know, Norway had fought for to get the bottom third of their country liberated from Sweden and they had just gotten it back. And then during World War II, I don't. This was some like, you know, petty. They let the Nazis go in there and you know, them all up. So then Norway's economy was flattened in Sweden just because they were still standing became this economic power. So Norway was so desperate, they tried to sell the bottom of the third of their company country back again. And Sweden was like, yeah, no, we don't want it.

[Bill Burr]

Jesus.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then they found oil there. And then the Swedes go. Now we go over there and do jobs that they don't want to do. But everybody has like a sense of humor about it now because no one was alive when all of of that happened. You know what I mean? Right. Kind of. But it was. Yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty wild.

[Bill Burr]

Well, I knew this is where the podcast was going to go at the very beginning. I said, I'm going to get us to the devastation. In World War II.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hitler was into architecture though. That's why he left like Paris and Prague alone. He just like, they're too beautiful to destroy. That's just such a funny like wrinkle in his personality because he's murdering 6 million people. Oh, is that our decoration go.

[Bill Burr]

He did at the end want them to burn Paris. And he. And one general was like, cuz he couldn't have it.

[Conan O'Brien]

He was lover.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, exactly. So at the very end he wanted to. We. You know, I'm just, I'm tired of you letting Hitler slide. Bill Burr.

[Conan O'Brien]

We've one of my favorite norm jokes of all time.

[Bill Burr]

What?

[Conan O'Brien]

He was on Letterman, he was talking About Hitler. And he goes. He's like, you know, he goes, the more I read about this guy, the less I like him.

[Bill Burr]

God bless you, Norm.

[Conan O'Brien]

Totally presented it like he was the only guy who had ever read up. I don't know if you ever heard about one of the worst people of.

[Bill Burr]

The last century, but I'm getting into it. Listen, I want to make sure we get the word out on your special. It's out right now, and it is.

[Conan O'Brien]

Called Drop dead years.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it's on Hulu, Streaming on Hulu. And yeah, I'm very, very proud of it. And I'm looking forward to, I guess, when this thing airs. When this airs, I'll be doing Glengarry Glen Ross on Broadway at the Palace.

[Bill Burr]

That's fantastic.

[Conan O'Brien]

If you'd like to come. If I'm allowed to invite a ginger, I might have to have Odenkirk invite you. Maybe we'll find a loophole.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, yeah. Me and Ed Sheeran will come together with Ron Howard. Yeah. From the day I met you, I was like, no one's mind works like yours, and it's a beautiful thing to behold.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, I didn't know which way that was going. Dan met you, I was like, why did we book this guy? The way your brain works. I'm constantly saving your stories. It's exhausting. You're exhausting, Bill. Well, I, I. Right back at you, man. I, I, I always love coming on whatever you're doing and hanging out or whatever. There it is. It's, it's, it's effortless, man. You're one of the funniest guys I know. That's. And you know that's sincere, cuz. I couldn't look at you when I did it.

[Bill Burr]

I know you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Look, Two Irish guys can't look at each other.

[Bill Burr]

Can't look at each other. That's another.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, let me tell you something. You circle, I love you to death. I wouldn't throw you in shite for all the fucking shillelies in old pool town.

[Bill Burr]

That's another Norm line. He had a line once where he said, went home to Christmas break, and at one point, I accidentally made eye contact with my father. I know what he's talking about.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

We all know what he's talking. Talking about.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, man. That guy.

[Bill Burr]

All right, Bill Burr. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord or whatever.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's it. All right, well, thank you guys so much for having me. And. Yeah, that's. I don't know how to wrap this up. This is my this is your job. That's it, everybody. We'll be back after the break. We'll be right back.

[Bill Burr]

You gotta go buy a mattress.

[Conan O'Brien]

We'll tell you which one to get. Sarah Michelle Geller when we return.

[Bill Burr]

Courtney Thorne Smith when we come back.

[Conan O'Brien]

I. I could go. I could go back to like way old shows that I did say we.

[Bill Burr]

Got so and so now.

[Conan O'Brien]

Next.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, come on.

[Matt Gourley]

Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien Sonam of Session and Matt Gourley produced by me, Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign [e-mail] Conan and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[Conan O'Brien]

All set for your flight?

[Bill Burr]

Yep, I've got everything I need.

[Sona Movsesian]

Eye mask, neck pillow, T Mobile, headphones.

[Bill Burr]

Wait, T Mobile? You bet.

[Sona Movsesian]

Free inflight Wi Fi 15 off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T Mobile. Same goes from a water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers.

[Bill Burr]

I'm gonna leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better@t mobile.com Travel qualifying plan required.

[Matt Gourley]

Wi Fi were available on select US airlines. Deposit and Hilton honors. Membership required for 15% discount.

[Bill Burr]

Terms and conditions apply. Hey there, there, Conan O'Brien here to tell you how you can get even more from me and many of your other favorite shows. If you want to be the first to hear new episodes ad free and a whole week early, subscribe to SiriusXM podcasts plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastplus to start your free trial today. Now, I'm excited to give those of you who want a chance to listen early a chance to do so, because I know you just can't wait a whole extra week to hear my beautiful, reedy, annoying voice. So go, subscribe and be the first to listen right now.