Bill Hader Returns Again

Summary

Podcast Summary: Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend – Episode: Bill Hader Returns Again

Release Date: April 28, 2025

In this engaging episode of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, Conan is reunited with the Emmy Award-winning actor and comedian Bill Hader. Joined by regulars Sona Movsesian and Matt Gourley, the conversation weaves through humor, personal anecdotes, and heartfelt discussions, providing listeners with a multifaceted exploration of friendship, resilience, and the intricacies of the comedy world.

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1. Warm Welcome and Humorous Banter

The episode kicks off with Conan introducing Bill Hader, setting a lighthearted tone. The trio exchanges playful remarks about Conan's enthusiasm for various topics, including an amusing segment about the "DILFS of Larchmont."

Notable Quote:

• Conan O’Brien [02:47]: “I don’t understand Larchmont. Let me explain to the listener or viewer if you’re consuming us that way.”

2. The DILFS of Larchmont: A Comedic Interlude

Matt Gourley presents a humorous certificate from the "DILFS of Larchmont," a fictitious elite group of dads. The segment is filled with witty exchanges about what "DILF" stands for, blending satire with genuine camaraderie.

Notable Quote:

• Matt Gourley [03:17]: “DILFS of Larchmont.”
• Sona Movsesian [04:18]: “A DILF is a hot dad.”

3. Bill Hader’s Personal Experiences and Resilience

Transitioning from humor, Bill Hader delves into more serious territory by sharing his traumatic experience with wildfires that affected his home and community. He recounts the emotional turmoil of seeing his house rendered unlivable and the subsequent impact on his family.

Notable Quotes:

• Bill Hader [33:03]: “It was just total shock. I was like, I can’t believe it’s gone.”
• Conan O’Brien [33:17]: “It is something that must still feel crazily surreal to you.”

4. The Intersection of Comedy and Coping Mechanisms

The conversation shifts to how comedy serves as a coping mechanism for both Conan and Bill. They discuss the paradox of being immensely funny while grappling with personal struggles like anxiety and depression, highlighting the occupational hazards of the comedy industry.

Notable Quotes:

• Conan O’Brien [50:21]: “It’s good just to know that so many people out there who in all walks of life have this issue, but it’s also particularly an occupational hazard.”
• Bill Hader [50:34]: “Yeah, totally. And I think I’ve just gotten to this place where it’s like, for the first time in a healthier place.”

5. Reflections on the Comedy Industry and Personal Growth

Bill reflects on his time at Saturday Night Live (SNL) and his work on South Park, sharing amusing behind-the-scenes stories and insights into the creative processes of renowned comedians like John Candy and Judd Hirsch. The discussion underscores the importance of authenticity and genuine connection in comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Bill Hader [14:43]: “It was just Phil Hartman as a Giant Businessman inside a small.”
• Conan O’Brien [45:08]: “I literally felt like a laser beam of truth hit me in the middle of my forehead.”

6. Addressing Online Scams and Maintaining Privacy

Sona Movsesian brings a topical issue to the forefront by discussing a scam email impersonating Conan. The conversation serves as a cautionary tale about online security and the importance of verifying communications to protect personal information.

Notable Quotes:

• Sona Movsesian [54:16]: “Dear Sona, I hope you’re doing well... Best regards, Conan O’Brien.”
• Conan O’Brien [55:14]: “This person has never listened to this podcast, has never watched any of my work. Has me confused with the ambassador... It’s ridiculous.”

7. Lighthearted Farewells and Closing Remarks

As the episode nears its end, the group returns to their signature humor, joking about DJs and fictitious interactions with celebrities like Benny Blanco and Diplo. This segment reinforces the blend of comedy and genuine friendship that defines the podcast.

Notable Quotes:

• Conan O’Brien [57:55]: “I do want to get it out there that I am sick and fucking tired of Benny Blanco sliding into my DMs.”
• Sona Movsesian [60:55]: “If Diplo or Benny Blanco or any DJ ever invited you to Vegas for one of their DJ sets...”

8. Final Reflections and Genuine Connection

Conan wraps up the episode by expressing his appreciation for Bill Hader's friendship and the meaningful conversations they share. Bill reciprocates, highlighting the importance of supportive relationships in navigating personal challenges.

Notable Quotes:

• Conan O’Brien [49:34]: “I think about you from time to time because you’re obviously one of the funniest people certainly I’ve ever met... I’d like to hang out more and maybe try and riff a little less and find out how you’re doing.”
• Bill Hader [50:30]: “When I talk to people like you... we talk about it and stuff. You guys have been so great at listening and giving me great advice.”

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Key Themes and Insights

• Friendship and Authenticity: The episode underscores the quest for genuine friendships beyond professional interactions, a central theme of Conan's podcast.

• Resilience Through Adversity: Bill Hader's personal stories about overcoming devastating fires highlight the human capacity for resilience and the role of community support.

• Comedy as Catharsis: Both Conan and Bill discuss how humor serves as a vital outlet for managing mental health issues, illustrating the therapeutic power of comedy.

• Navigating the Comedy Industry: Insights into the creative processes at SNL and South Park offer listeners a behind-the-scenes look at the demands and rewards of working in comedy.

• Digital Safety Awareness: The discussion on scam emails brings attention to the importance of online security and vigilant communication practices.

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Conclusion

This episode of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend masterfully balances humor with heartfelt conversations, providing a nuanced portrayal of Bill Hader's life both inside and outside the comedy sphere. Listeners are treated to a rich tapestry of laughs, personal reflections, and meaningful dialogue, encapsulating the essence of what makes this podcast a beloved space for forging genuine connections.

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For those who haven't listened, this episode offers a compelling blend of comedy and candidness, making it a must-hear for fans of the show and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

Sure, we got blue jeans, baseball, bald eagles, but come on, there's really nothing as American as the burger, right? And there's nothing more burger than the Sonic Smasher. Yeah, yeah. I mean, this thing is made to order hand smashed Angus beef patties seared to perfection with those incredible crispy edges that make you want to start a slow clap. You know what I'm talking about? That kind of slow clap where you're like, yeah, Sonic, you brought the Sonic Smasher. Then there's the layered melty cheese crinkle cut pickles and onions too. On top of it all, my mind's splitting. Try the Sonic Smasher as a double. But why not? God forgive us all, a triple. Make the Sonic Smasher your next new favorite burger. Live free. Eat Sonic. Sona, wouldn't you say that life is full of personal wins?

[Sona Movsesian]

I would, Conan.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thanks, Sona. Whether it's cleaning your house, getting that dream car, or checking off your to do list, winning at life is a great feeling. I'm pretty good at winning at life, aren't I? Sona, are you okay? Keep moving. State Farm helps you win by helping you create an affordable price just for you. Doesn't that sound like a win, Sona?

[Sona Movsesian]

That I like an affordable price just for me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, you do. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amounts of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. That's my low voice.

[Bill Hader]

Hi, my name is Bill Hader and I feel grateful about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's so sweet.

[Matt Gourley]

Fall is here Here they are Back to ring the bell Brand new shoes Walk and loose Climb the fence Books.

[Conan O'Brien]

And pens I can tell that we are gonna be friends Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends hey, Conan O'Brien here. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Joined as always by sonam of session. Hi, Sona.

[Sona Movsesian]

Hi.

[Conan O'Brien]

And of course, Matt Gourley.

[Bill Hader]

Hi.

[Conan O'Brien]

Good to see you. Matt. Matt, you have some props? You're a prop comic now?

[Matt Gourley]

No, this was handed to me by the lovely Ruthie. In the same way that a child is dropped off at a fire station's doorstep.

[Conan O'Brien]

Or Moses. A young Moses arrives in a reeded basket.

[Matt Gourley]

Well, this was, I believe, literally found on the doorstep here. And it said, to Conan O'Brien and Matt Gorley.

[Conan O'Brien]

Huh, that's nice.

[Matt Gourley]

And it says Conan and Matt. Great news. By unanimous vote, the DILFS of Larchmont are proud to grant you honor. We are a highly selective unit of local dads who live up to our slogan, protect and provide. As elite members, you now have the right and responsibility to wear the hat, lean into dad jokes and grill things in a robe. We know you'll make us proud. With honor. Dan Lerman, Founder, DILFS of Larchmont so, DILFs?

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't understand Larchmont. Let me explain to the listener or viewer if you're consuming us that way.

[Matt Gourley]

My head is covered in cobwebs.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, God.

[Matt Gourley]

It has a long hair on it.

[Bill Hader]

Gross.

[Matt Gourley]

Get it off. Someone was murdered in this hat.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, wait a minute. So I should explain. Larchmont refers to the area. We're on Larchmont Boulevard. Larchmont Village. Here in Los Angeles.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And this is where we have our little building. And so I guess this person knows that this is where we do our work.

[Sona Movsesian]

Do people just know that?

[Matt Gourley]

I didn't know people knew that.

[Sona Movsesian]

I mean, isn't that weird?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, they sure know it now. Mine has a number on the inside. Does yours, too? Mine says 21.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, mine says 20.

[Bill Hader]

Hey.

[Sona Movsesian]

Hey, guys. Real cool.

[Matt Gourley]

In on the ground floor. Signed and numbered.

[Conan O'Brien]

DILF stands for what dad?

[Sona Movsesian]

I'd like to put him.

[Bill Hader]

Guess.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait, what?

[Matt Gourley]

Well, it's all right. You probably know.

[Sona Movsesian]

Well, you know. You know what a MILF is?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

And DILF is a dad. I'd like to.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, I didn't know that. I haven't heard the term.

[Sona Movsesian]

Mom is a mom. I'd like to. And a dad is a dad. I'd like to.

[Conan O'Brien]

Does anyone want to fuck a dad?

[Matt Gourley]

Hopefully Mom.

[Sona Movsesian]

Okay, well, like, so, you know, I mean, a milf.

[Conan O'Brien]

And this gives me hope.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, a DILF is a hot dad.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, so that's a compliment. That's nice.

[Sona Movsesian]

You guys are two hot dads.

[Conan O'Brien]

But wait a minute. Didn't this come. Not from a woman? It came from. Who is this a dad?

[Matt Gourley]

A society of DILFs here in Larchmont called the DILFS of Larchmont.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Sona Movsesian]

Okay, so guys that think you guys are fuck dads.

[Conan O'Brien]

This dad.

[Matt Gourley]

Dads who people like to fuck think we're dads that they'd like to fuck.

[Sona Movsesian]

They want to fuck.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait, what?

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. You guys are DILF elfs. Your dads. I like to fuck. I like to fuck. Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

No, we're DILFs to DILF. Dad's dads like to fuck.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, because these are DILF who want to Fuck you guys.

[Sona Movsesian]

You know what? I know they're calling and they want to rescind now.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think we're.

[Sona Movsesian]

I think they're on the.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know. We are. I think it's, like, incredibly obvious that people want to us that other dads. So it's. We are DILF ilfs. Duh.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, wow. Can we fit that on the hat?

[Bill Hader]

Let's see.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don't you think? Yeah, I'm a DILF. Duh. Right?

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Cause obvious. Yeah. Conan O'Brien. And you're like a DILF elf dad.

[Matt Gourley]

What's that supposed to mean?

[Conan O'Brien]

You're sort of trailing off. They're getting a look at your shirt. They're wondering, does he go to the.

[Matt Gourley]

My shirt?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I don't know. I don't want to buy ice cream from you in the 20s.

[Matt Gourley]

Well, I don't want to be in prison pajamas.

[Conan O'Brien]

These aren't prison pajamas.

[Matt Gourley]

Those are prison pajamas.

[Conan O'Brien]

These are not. This is a very nice, beautiful blue shirt. Dill fight.

[Matt Gourley]

Dill fight.

[Sona Movsesian]

Dill fight.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Dill fight.

[Sona Movsesian]

Fuck each other up.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, let's make that movie. Dill Fight. Oh, yeah. Things get real.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, my God, that's good.

[Conan O'Brien]

Dill Fight. You know what I mean? It's sort of like Fight Club, but it's just two guys with, like, grilling spatulas.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, grilling spatulas.

[Matt Gourley]

And like, a TV remote and a baby.

[Sona Movsesian]

And a baby. Whatever, Bjorn.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I like it.

[Bill Hader]

Let's get that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Still fight.

[Bill Hader]

Still fight.

[Matt Gourley]

And instead of, like, at the vacant lot at midnight, it's. It's at the, like, Trader Joe's at high noon.

[Conan O'Brien]

Something like that. Yeah. And first they have to make sure they still got those cedar chips. The peach ones. The peach flavored ones. Yeah, they still got them. All right, let's do the fight. Let's get the. Hold on. Hold it.

[Matt Gourley]

You still got that pumpkin cider? It comes out every September.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, okay.

[Matt Gourley]

All right, I'm ready.

[Conan O'Brien]

We'll be in. We'll be in in a few minutes. But first, we're gonna have it out.

[Matt Gourley]

Why are we gonna fight? Let's just. Let's just have a beer cider. Come on.

[Sona Movsesian]

Let's talk about smoking meat.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

And can I lose this gruff voice and just talk how I normally talk?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

That's not who you are.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, I like it. This movie sells itself to absolutely no one.

[Sona Movsesian]

All right. Congrats on being admitted into the DILF Large Month.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is clearly an elite society that hands out hats in a bucket that are covered in cobwebs. And stray hairs. Yes. Thank you, dilfs.

[Matt Gourley]

DILFS of Larchmont.

[Conan O'Brien]

Larchmont. We appreciate the sentiment.

[Matt Gourley]

I expect to see us represented in these little silhouettes here, though.

[Conan O'Brien]

There are little silhouettes.

[Matt Gourley]

There should be one really tall one.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'll draw a little longer legs on mine. Wait, that'll look like the other guys are hovering. Anyway, let's get going. My guest today is an Emmy Award winning actor and comedian who was a cast member on Saturday Night Live and wrote and starred in the hit HBO series Barry. Come on, for God's sake. Yeah, he's the man. Please welcome Bill Hader. You just were telling me just before we started. Rolling. Is it rolling? Recording?

[Bill Hader]

Rolling, Rolling.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know the lingo. I'm new in the business. You said that you heard someone walked up to you. What, on the street?

[Bill Hader]

Yeah. And said, why are you in Conan, you guys? You're on his podcast. All you guys do is just laugh and giggle, but there's no talking. It's like one guy talking and the other guy's laughing over that guy. And I just wish there was more of a discourse.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I was like, I just want to. With that guy now. We should just howl the whole time and say nothing.

[Bill Hader]

It's like, this is so hard.

[Conan O'Brien]

To figure that. Yeah, can he get septum fixed?

[Bill Hader]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's what I would say to him, first of all. Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Hader]

Accept him, Sam. Yeah, he. I. I was the guy. Many women very interested in me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Have.

[Bill Hader]

A long line of suitors, so to speak. But those are always the people that would come up to you that would have an issue in New York, especially. You would come up and go, I didn't really like the show. No one comes up. Like, I couldn't believe the show was so bad. It was always like, when I first started snl, it was always guys walking up and going, they should use you more.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's nice.

[Bill Hader]

Which was very sweet. That's nice, Warren. These guys said I should use you more. Who? Who are they?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, show me. Wait, wait.

[Bill Hader]

Where are they? Oh, God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Shit. I was just remembering. We were. And this is all gonna be random thoughts that come into my head. Cause that's what happens when I talk to you. But when I worked at SNL all those years ago, Leslie Nielsen was the guest. And he famously had this. He had this thing made that would make a farting noise. And he went to, like a craftsman. I mean, you could. This thing was not something he bought in a novelty shop. Leslie Nielsen. This was his sense of Humor. This thing was beautifully made. It was made of, you know, some sort of teak, some sort of polished wood, and it had brass fittings and everything. And he would make these farting noises. And I remembered you'd be talking to him like, okay. So anyway, Leslie, the idea of this bit, and he'd be doing it, and he'd be like, oh, okay. But then he kept doing it to Lauren, and you realize it would nothing. You know, because of the 50th anniversary. There's all these documentaries now. Lorne and Lauren. Lorne always keeps his dignity in any situation. And I'll never forget Leslie Nielsen. Lorne would be like, so I think we're gonna do. And Leslie Nielsen would always do kind of a take, like, to the side, like, who was that? You know, an innocent. His innocent Leslie Nielsen face take. And you could see that big chunks of Lauren's organs were dying. Just die.

[Bill Hader]

Like the fellow Canadian.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, fellow Canadian. He's having.

[Bill Hader]

He's hosting the show, and he's doing such a solid. Yeah, he comes in with this device.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, he comes in with this device.

[Bill Hader]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it's just Lauren's least favorite kind of comedy. And I was. Ira just was fascinated. And there was nothing.

[Bill Hader]

Lauren. I was a PA on this. I've talked about a couple of times, the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Collateral Damage and Bill Hardy, actually his name, and Jason Altieri. They had a fart machine at their mission, and they put it on the boom guy, Earl Sampson. They put it on his belt without him knowing it. So he was in an elevator with Schwarzenegger, and this Francesca Neary was the actress, and they're having this really intense scene, like, we got to get out of here, and we need it. And it was very.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Hader]

And they somehow could do it where it wasn't just, like.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was, like, realistic.

[Bill Hader]

And so we were all kind of, like, at the monitor listening. So it's him going, I could do. If we can get the antidote, everybody will know, but you are going to be all right. And we were like, I can't hear it. Can you hear it? Or whatever. And then we knew it was working because then the Clapper came in, and the guy was laughing. It was shaking. He was like, kick me, take three. And then came out. We were like, oh, good. And, yeah, this Earl Sampson, the boom guy, was like, where is that coming from? And it was on his belt. I just need you to get. Get out of here.

[Conan O'Brien]

Does Arnold ever call it out and say, what's happening?

[Bill Hader]

No, I Think. I think after. I think somebody came in and was like, get that off. Like, took it off his belt and, like, came over and, like. And we all acted, like, stupid. Like, what? Wait, what happened? Who did that? That was 25 years ago. Sorry, Jason. Bill. I just outed you guys. But, yeah, we were all like, wait, what's going on? But it was so perfect. It was too big of farts. It wouldn't have worked.

[Conan O'Brien]

It had to be little. If it had been the Leslie Nielsen type variety, it's too.

[Bill Hader]

Would have liked this. He would have been like, it's not wet.

[Conan O'Brien]

He would get.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know. Lauren would get frustrated when you. Because you. Mulaney, you guys would have these obsessions about very small things in show business.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

That he. Lauren, loves. He likes a home run hitter. He likes someone who's gonna go out there. He likes, you know, give me your church, lady. Give me the character that everyone just can't wait to see. Softball down the middle. And I know that you guys loved coming up with stuff that would kind of, you know, like. I mean, the one I'm thinking of is you were doing a Judd Hirsch impression on the show.

[Bill Hader]

When I came back to host Steve Higgins, saying out of the gate, like, hey, Steve. He goes, all right. None of that sandwich in a briefcase shit that you and Mulaney like so much.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sandwich in a briefcase is a perfect description of the weird sandwich in a briefcase.

[Bill Hader]

Made me laugh, because that's so accurate. Where it would be like. And I remember, yeah, we had a sandwich and a briefcase in a sketch when. And it got cut. And I told Mulaney. He wasn't there yet.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can I just show the concept real fast?

[Bill Hader]

Oh, yeah, sure, sure. Oh, oh, sorry. Sorry. Yeah, the concept of those sketch. We'll edit here, everybody. Okay, and three, two, and a one and a two. And it was called Knish in color. And it was a. I remember this. It was a cop show. A 70s cop show called Knish, and the host was Knish. And then we basically kind of just did that thing where we ripped off from Police Squad, where everybody. But it wasn't a thing, where we all froze and we pretended to be frozen. And someone came in. The joke was that they would freeze too early, you know, so I'd be like, I gotta tell you. And Judd Hirsch was the captain. And I'd enter scenes, and I'd go, greetings. And his salutations, Ganish. Hey, you're right, Ganesh. Mayor Giuliano was setting all those fires And. And you would walk in and it was like. I gotta tell you, Ganesh. No. You know, it was like. It would. It would freeze too early.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. Yes.

[Bill Hader]

It was a thing that John and I would. And Fred would get on it, too. Where we. The ideas that we would try, that Warren would just be like, no, like, super. We want to do one thing about Time Life. It was a guy, me and Fred, recording Time Life. It was like a Time Life commercial. It was like Time Life commercial. And it was like Jimi Hendrix. Jimi Hendrix. The Star Spangled Banner. And then you slowly realized it's Woodstock. Yeah. And it was like, John Lennon. John Lennon. John Lennon. It was just. And we were laughing so hard, and it played like this. Everybody was like, why is that?

[Conan O'Brien]

Why is this happening?

[Bill Hader]

Why is this happening? And we were like, could not get through it. We were laughing so hard. And I just remember it was one of those things. If you had seen it at snl, everybody has their stacks of scripts and they're kind of reading along, and if something sucks, you'll just see someone in the middle of a sketch, just go and just drop it on the floor. Oh, I saw that many attempts. And you had just. Everybody was just dropping it, looking at the next sketch like, there's no way we're doing this. And so when you see that, you just, like, take it slower. You're like John Lennon and looking at everybody.

[Conan O'Brien]

Twist the knife. But you know what? Maybe you can relate to this. But when I was a kid watching television, I loved it when the people making the comedy, even if I didn't know what they were talking about, if I could sense that they were smart, that they didn't care if I laughed or not. Like Monty Python.

[Bill Hader]

Monty Python was a big one.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, Monty Python. I didn't understand half of what they were talking about. Cause sometimes they would do sketches about whatever was happening in London politics or British politics in 1969, 1970. But there'd be other sketches that I didn't quite understand. But I could tell the rhythm of it. I could tell this was really smart. It was really funny. And I could also tell that they weren't yearning for my laughter.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah, yeah. They were just making themselves laugh.

[Conan O'Brien]

They were making themselves laugh.

[Bill Hader]

SCTV was like that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, SCTV would do jokes. There was a Towering Inferno parody they did where there's a big fire. And it was a. And all the characters. And because of. There were so many different characters.

[Bill Hader]

I remember.

[Conan O'Brien]

Remember this?

[Bill Hader]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Andrea Martin played Edith Prickley, but she also played another character. So there was one scene. Andrea Martin was playing the other character in the scene. There's like nine characters in the room. And they just had Edith Prickley, who always wore, like, a leopard skin pillbox hat. They clearly just put that on another actor. Another actor and had that actor turn their back and so that they could do the sketch. And then at the end of the sketch, I think it was John Candy says, all right, let's get moving. So and so, so and so, so and so. Prickly's double. You come with me. And I'm like, I'm. I don't know how old I was at the time. I might have.

[Bill Hader]

You're like, you're allowed to do that.

[Conan O'Brien]

I literally felt like a laser beam of truth hit me in the middle of my forehead. And I thought, I can't believe that just came through my television. They didn't care if I noticed that joke or not. They said it so quickly.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah, I mean, John Candy also did that guy. It was like. It was fishing with bands, like, where he would have new wave bands and he would fish with them. And then there was this throwaway thing where they would get the fish and they'd be cooking it and they would offer it to him and he would go, oh, I don't eat fish. Blay.

[Conan O'Brien]

I understand you're taking a trip pretty soon. Where you going? I'm going to the mountains. I'm going to Idlewild. The mayor's a dog. Did you know that? Okay, Mayor Max. Way too much information. Yeah, it's Mayor Max.

[Bill Hader]

He's a dog.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, well, that's nice. You're going to Idlewild. It's great. And you know what? I'm thinking about hosting an Airbnb while I'm gone to help offset some of the cost of the trip. That's smart. Hosting is a pretty cool and unique way to make some money back. That's right. And people can stay in my awesome apartment, which is full of great comic books. I have a lot of cool figurines. It's really. It's a great place to stay. Also, have you seen the movie 40 Year Old Virgin? No. I should check it out sometime. Okay, sounds fun. But you know what? If you've got 20, 25 goals of, like, travel and stuff like that, this would fit very nicely into those goals, which is using Airbnb. That's right. Because it's more relaxing to take a trip when you know that you're making some cash on the other end. Exactly. And it might make you a little more. I Don't know. Prone to spend a little more on your trip, on yourself because you know that you're being responsible.

[Bill Hader]

That's right.

[Conan O'Brien]

So don't leave money on the table when you travel. Your home might be worth more than you think it is. Find out how [e-mail] host. The all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X is an unshakable fortress powered by a twin turbo V6 engine, ready to propel your adventures to new heights.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, your voice changes when you do a car.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm trying to become Will Arnett, but I can't do it. He's like the all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X. No, listen, I'm gonna explain this car to you because this car is fantastic. It's max 8,500 pound towing capacity, has the power to haul all your favorite toys on your next big adventure. You could steal the Statue of Liberty with this. It's incredible. I'm not saying do that. I'm just saying this thing, that's a lot of hauling power. Nobody gets left behind with the Armada Pro 4X's premium interior that seats up to eight passengers.

[Sona Movsesian]

That's crazy.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know. Eight people going big never goes out of style. No terrain is too tough for the all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X. The most capable Armada ever built. Built for the most rugged of terrain, the all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X gives you freedom to explore further. The best B2B marketing gets wasted on the wrong people. This makes me nuts. Blay. Yes? You know, me too. Have you ever been served an ad that wasn't intended for you? All the time. You know, for a while I kept getting ads for expensive pots. And guess what? I don't cook. I have never cooked anything. I once tried to just boil some ramen and guess what happened? There was an explosion and three buildings were destroyed. Oh, my God. So when you want to reach this.

[Bill Hader]

That was.

[Conan O'Brien]

That ad should never have gone to me for a special pot. It's a lot of buildings. Yeah, a lot of buildings went and I had to flee the country for a while. When you want to reach the right professionals, use LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn is grown to a network of over 1 billion professionals. And that's where it stands. Apart from other ad buyers. Have they got a billion? I don't think so, buddy boy. You can target your buyers by job title, industry, company role, seniority, skills, company revenue, all the professionals you need to reach in one place. So do me a favor. Stop wasting budget on the wrong audience. Come on, get Your head in the game. Start targeting the right professionals only on LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn will even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. So you can try it yourself. Just go to LinkedIn.com TeamCoco. That's LinkedIn.com TeamCoco. Terms and conditions apply only on LinkedIn ads. I know that. I've heard. Anyway, I don't know if it's true that you, Mulaney and Armisen had a text exchange going for a while.

[Bill Hader]

We still do.

[Conan O'Brien]

Where you're the Van Halen brothers.

[Bill Hader]

Oh, well, no, that was. That was during the pandemic, but it wasn't that. So we've had basically since the March 2020 until now, we have a text chain and we, I mean, we basically communicate every day on it. I mean, our girlfriends and wives, you know, are you texting with John and, you know, and Kimmel? Sometimes and other people. But I find the Van Halen brothers, I've always found them very funny. They're so talented and such great musicians. But they were very touchy and they would air out their grievances to anybody and I always find that funny. And there was an interview with them when David Lee.

[Conan O'Brien]

They're always mad at David Lee Roth.

[Bill Hader]

They're always mad at David Lee Roth. And it was when they reunited at the MTV Movie or Music Awards. And it was just funny how I was like. And then, you know, so Datrick goes up there and, you know, it was like Eddie Van Halen's like, you know, Datric goes up there, he's popping and booping, doing his Dave thing. He's very disrespectful to Beck. And then you hear Alex Van Halen going, yeah, very disrespectful. Very disrespectful to Beck. And I sent it to Mulaney and Fred and Mulaney said, could you imagine getting rear ended by these guys? And then it just started us getting rear ended the conversation and then them holding a press conference. And I remember Fred had the joke he just put in Prince, no one is asking anything. No reporter is asking a question. And then it was Eddie Van Halen going, all right, one at a time, one at a time, one at a time.

[Conan O'Brien]

Are they still mad at David Lee Roth even though he wasn't involved in the accident? Yeah, that was probably.

[Bill Hader]

I just find out. Yeah, David Lee Roth is hilarious, too. Like, there's a story someone told me. My friend Paul, who's in the band the ocs, told me a story. I don't know if it's true or not. But apparently Henry Rollins was going into like, a morning Zoo Crew interview, and David Lee Ross was coming out. So it's like six in the morning, and David Lee Ross got this long, beautiful coat on, and Henry Rollins is like, hey, man, I just want to say I'm a big fan and everything. And David Lee Ross goes, oh, man, you want a drink? And he opened up the can and he just. It was lined with beer. It was just all these beers. That sounds true.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Bill Hader]

And Henry Rollins is, like the most straight edge guy around. He goes, no, man, I. No, I don't want to drink. And daily. Roth went, what's the matter, man? You got school tomorrow. I hope that's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

I hope that's true. It has to be true.

[Bill Hader]

It has to be true tomorrow. I was like, I love this.

[Conan O'Brien]

I love it when people. I always.

[Matt Gourley]

Literally not progressed since high school.

[Conan O'Brien]

I love it when people are. I love it when people. People are who you want them to.

[Bill Hader]

Be at all times.

[Conan O'Brien]

That always made me really happy when I would meet celebrities or famous people and they were exactly, exactly who I wanted them to be.

[Bill Hader]

When I worked at south park, he pitched a movie to us where it was like. Like where he was an assassin and stuff. He was like, about a guy trying to get his dog back. We were like, oh. And we had to say, oh, they made this movie. John Wick. That's kind of. Nah. But the guy has a dog. I go, yeah, no, he has a dog.

[Conan O'Brien]

Famously. Famously.

[Bill Hader]

What do you mean? He's got a dad.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then he thinks no one's seen.

[Bill Hader]

The scene Trey Parker and Trey Parker pitched. He goes, well, what if you're you? And it's like you're having to go on these missions, but you gotta, like, have the band, you know, the band's also going, hey, Dave, we need you on tour. And stuff like that. He goes, nah, I don't want those guys involved with this. Then he came by. I remember he walked around south park, and, you know, people, they draw on their desk, and they can, like, move around, and so they draw like this. So it's like the drawing desk is, like, canted, you know? And there was a guy drawing, and he just walked around and he went up to this guy who's drawing like that. He goes. And he goes. And he just sees him with his desk. He goes, hey, what's wrong with you? Long night.

[Matt Gourley]

Everything's in a party context.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Bill Hader]

And he goes, yeah, long night.

[Conan O'Brien]

Night.

[Bill Hader]

And he went. And the guy went, whoa, Diamond Dave, I'm not kidding.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don't you think that's his life? Yeah. People coming out of manhole is me.

[Bill Hader]

Then, hey, it is me, Diamond Dave.

[Matt Gourley]

We are at the South Pasadena Fourth of July parade. And he was just unaffiliated with the parade, riding around on a bicycle throughout the, like, parade grounds.

[Conan O'Brien]

He was not invited to the parade.

[Bill Hader]

There was nothing to do with the parade. That's my favorite.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want to be.

[Bill Hader]

He was nice. I just want to make it clear, like, we loved him at South Park. It wasn't, like, a thing where we were like, oh, why is this guy here? We were, like, totally in awe. We were like, oh, my God, that's fucking David Lee Roth. And he did not disappoint at all. And he was so sweet and nice. But, yeah, it was awesome.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're one of those people, you fall into this class of person. There's a bunch of them who I rarely have a normal conversation with because it goes into riffs and voices right away. Yeah, there's a whole bunch of people. I think Will Ferrell's in that group where I feel that if we were on a strand, if we were on a deserted island, stranded, we wouldn't even go searching for food or water.

[Bill Hader]

We would just be doing bits, drive everybody crazy. Yeah. And then. It's funny, though. We'll have those conversations, and then it's usually when we're paying the check that I'm like, hey, I'm really depressed. I'm going through something. And you're like, oh, man, I'm. You know.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, it's true. And then I feel like I. I'm like, yeah, yeah, we'll get to that. You know who's also depressed?

[Bill Hader]

Wow.

[Sona Movsesian]

Who?

[Conan O'Brien]

This guy?

[Bill Hader]

Yeah, man. You depressed? No, don't do Columbo right now.

[Conan O'Brien]

We. Cause before the podcast, I went in and I was chatting with you, and I went in, and the first thing I was gonna do was ask you. Cause I know you live in the Palisades, and I was gonna ask you about, you know, your house and family and everything. Before I could do it, we got off onto something, and then we're just laughing our asses off like idiots. And then just as we're about to come through the podcast, he went, yeah, no, no, we. We are. I think you said, like, two of our houses burned or something.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah. And I.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was something really. And I thought, shit, I was supposed to start with that.

[Bill Hader]

No, that's been our whole friendship. It's joy and fun and goofing around and then it's like, oh, yeah, I'm here to tell you, like, should I go on medication, Conan?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. You know, not if it makes you less funny. No. Yeah.

[Bill Hader]

No, absolutely not. Get those endorphins running with voices.

[Conan O'Brien]

You should not.

[Sona Movsesian]

Serotonin. If you should. Should be on medication.

[Bill Hader]

No, no. I'm on so much medication. No, no. But it is true. Yeah. We lost. So my kids. My ex wife and I live very close to each other, and she lost her house. And then my house is standing, but, like, unlivable. It's like there's just devastation all around. And then the only way I could get up there. So fires are on Tuesday. I wasn't there because I was shooting the VW commercial as the Californians, and we were shooting that commercial, and so I'm dressed as the guy from the Californians in Malibu. And we look up and there's smoke. And it was me and Kristen Wiig in a scene. And Kristen, that morning, went, there's a really bad windstorm coming. I'm really concerned about fires. First thing she said to me. And then I were shooting, and I look up, I saw smoke. And the guys go, oh, don't worry. That's in the Palisades. I go, I live in the Palisades. And it was just dead silence. And then I was like, I gotta go. And so I never got a chance to go home. And so I went. I just. I just went up and I go, here. I have, you know, medication, which is true, you know, up there, and I need to go and get it. And they said, no, it's too dangerous. And I saw news crews, and I literally just went up to them, and I was like, you recognize me? And they're like, no. And I was like, all right. I go to the next one. I was like, you recognize me? And the guy's like, hey, no way. Hey, what's up, Diamond Dave? Diamond Dave? And I was like, that's right. Hey, man, I gotta get my. I gotta get my store up.

[Conan O'Brien]

Jud Hearst, you can be whoever you want to be.

[Bill Hader]

Hey, you seen Ordinary People have a tax.

[Conan O'Brien]

So they let you up?

[Bill Hader]

They let me up. I went up with them. So I went up with a news crew, and I go, do you guys want to interview me in front of my house?

[Matt Gourley]

I saw you interview me.

[Bill Hader]

So that was the only way I could get up there was if I went up with the news crew. And so I went up, went into my house, and I was like, oh, wow, it's not too bad. And then I Just stepped and it was like dust, you know, toxic stuff everywhere. And then the back when it.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah, it was no good. And I was just in total shock.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sona lost her place in Altadena.

[Bill Hader]

I'm sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it is something that must still feel crazily surreal to you.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Sona Movsesian]

It is. It's just, you know, you want to keep things in perspective and say everyone's okay, but you miss the stuff that you lost. The community's gone.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah, the community's gone. That was the hardest thing.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Bill Hader]

Was actually seeing like, oh, my gosh, this is my kids. Yeah, this is. Everything is, you know, gone. And that was the thing that kind of hit me so hard was, oh, my God. You know, so that was horrible. And it was just kind of. I didn't. I thought I was going to go up there and hopefully the house would be somewhat okay and I could get my passport and. And get out of there or something. And instead it. Just seeing the devastation of that community and everything just. I was like, speechless. So then they, you know, I could feel those guys going, oh, we're gonna get a good interview with you. And they could see that I was. It was hitting me. And then they felt bad and they went, we'll just turn off the camera and let's just take you back. And I was like, all right, thanks. You didn't do one. I did do one. They aired it. Bastards. No, I'm joking. Like, you cry, cry, cry.

[Conan O'Brien]

You did nine charact.

[Bill Hader]

I did nine characters. I was like, oh, God, I can't believe it's gone.

[Conan O'Brien]

You guys like that? You like that? How about that? Love me, love me.

[Bill Hader]

It never ends Nothing will make it die. My need for a laugh. No, but, yeah, it was just. It was crazy. I had this moment. The moment that hit me was I grabbed. I had this instinct that I just grabbed my keys and I put it in my pocket and I went, this. The car keys. These open. Nothing. And I just, like, put em away. And I was like, you know, those were those moments. But, yeah. And everybody who's dealing with it, I mean, it's horrible the amount of gofundmes have been on and stuff like that. It's just been rough.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's one of those strange things occurred to me where the news is always showing us every part of the world where something crazy is happening and you sort of become, you know, you're distanced from it, but you're just seeing these terrible things happen in other places and then something on sort of with that kind of intensity happened.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you think, wait a minute.

[Bill Hader]

Well, the thing that's amazing with me is I'm looking at my kids and they've been through a pandemic and then they've been through this and they're my. And then my daughter, I was like, well, I found a rental house and she went, oh, can I see it? And like, oh, oh. And then she made. In her computer, she made this like, overview overhead view of her room. And she's like, oh, cool. So maybe I could put a dresser here. And she was so positive.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Bill Hader]

And I went, oh, they're so resilient and they have their moments, you know, but it's the opposite. Everybody's like, oh, you there for your kids? I'm like, no, I'm getting more from them, you know, I'm like, so inspired by them and their ability to kind of move and adapt and be positive.

[Conan O'Brien]

Also, I feel like, especially really young kids, your kids are three and a half. Mikey and Charlie, they only know now they're so present that we've talked about how you have no choice but to be present with them.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

They're moving on.

[Sona Movsesian]

They've moved on already. I don't even know if they fully. I mean, I know they remember the house, but it's starting to be muddled in with like, oh, we went to the mountains once. So that's like, maybe the mountain house that we went to, like, they're just. They're losing their memory of it.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

And you're like, I don't remember in my house at three and a half. So, yeah, it makes sense that they just kind of.

[Bill Hader]

That's true.

[Sona Movsesian]

Are moving on.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah. Mine are 15, 12 and 10. So it's like they were, you know, it was tough and I mean, that was the most heartbreaking thing as my 10 year old just saying, I just want to go home. Yeah. And you're like, honey, we can't. I can't go home. And that was brutal. But now it's. It's. Yeah, I get inspiration from them and. Yeah. Just being very lucky that you have a great support system and friends. Alyssa Donovan, who works with me, my girlfriend, Allie Wong. Like, all these people just been great. So. Yeah, it is. But yeah, it is a funny thing that Ali and I went today to just like, literally I had to like, shop for clothes.

[Sona Movsesian]

I know, I know.

[Bill Hader]

And it was very sweet, you know, she was like, let's go get you some jeans. It's like, you're going to camp I know it was. But it was very sweet. It meant a lot to me that she was like, no, it's. Cause I was. I'm just wearing, like, Uniqlo sweats, you know, that I basically, you know, and my kids are like, you just. You're living in your pajamas. You know, I mean, like, they're very worried. And I told her about that, and she was like, well, let me take you to get some Cl. And I was so. That was so. Those are the moments.

[Conan O'Brien]

They're just weird. I don't have. I'm obviously don't have. We're displaced from our home. We can't get back in, and there's been a lot of smoke damage. But my situation was just. I have a lot of clothes in the back of my car, and so I'm in a hotel, and I'm here at the recording studio and moving around, and I'm in different places, and so I try to do regular workouts. I think it's clear.

[Bill Hader]

And I was saying, you look good.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah. Real nice.

[Conan O'Brien]

Say it again as Vincent Price.

[Bill Hader]

You look very nice, Tony.

[Conan O'Brien]

So.

[Bill Hader]

Oh, faddle. Dana Gould's words.

[Conan O'Brien]

Faddle.

[Bill Hader]

We were watching the Last man on Earth, and there's a point when Vincent Price gets angry and he throws something and he went faddle. I fell over, like. And so. Okay. What? Okay, so you're high?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no. I was doing.

[Matt Gourley]

How have you made this about your high?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no. I had to. I was supposed to do a workout on Zoom, and I realized that I had no sneakers. And so I looked down and I was wearing shoes. Fat.

[Bill Hader]

Two people at an Altadena.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I think. Now, listen.

[Bill Hader]

You didn't have your shoes. Shelter being, like, just around, like. He didn't have his sneakers.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Bill Hader]

What do we not have everything?

[Conan O'Brien]

Here's what I want to say now. I. I had sneakers that were perfectly good for working out, but for the kind of workout I was going to do, I like ones that have. Well, Brooks makes ones that have. If it's gonna be more aerobic, it has more of an insole. And, well, they're costly, but that's the ones that I wanted. And they were, of course, back at the house, which is fine, but I don't have access to.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why isn't this seen as a tragedy?

[Bill Hader]

We don't have spoons. We have nothing.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let me tell you another one I got. There's this kind of sea salt.

[Bill Hader]

You guys know what dips are, right? Well, I can do 20 dips. Well, I could do five on my own 15 with my trainer holding my legs.

[Conan O'Brien]

A trainer? One trainer holding each leg.

[Bill Hader]

One trainer holding each leg. And another one lifting me up by my. Like a child by my shoulders.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let me try again, guys. I don't have access to my home. And there's this kind of sea salt that I have in my home.

[Sona Movsesian]

It's there. The house is there.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's pink. It's a pink sea salt.

[Bill Hader]

I can't put sea salt on the chocolate anymore.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. No. And so you don't get the salty and the sweet, you get just the sweet.

[Bill Hader]

Then I go down to Kelson's and it's not there.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. Then I go to Erawan. But of there's a line. I think my stories rank with yours.

[Bill Hader]

And I say, what do you mean you don't have the Hailey Bieber smoothie? You ran out of raspberry.

[Conan O'Brien]

Good boy. I struggled. I've always.

[Bill Hader]

And lemon curd.

[Conan O'Brien]

My mind always goes to what would make people mad. And me having a GoFundMe to get my sea salt to get tone in.

[Bill Hader]

His sea salt for his chocolate that.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't have access. Oh. Would get people so mad.

[Bill Hader]

I can't believe this.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is an atrocity.

[Bill Hader]

What do you mean you don't have those almond pretzel bites that are $25 per bite. Per bite? What do you mean you have no kimchi? Daddy needs his kimchi. Where is the kimchi? I don't care if there's no electricity. I need my kimchi.

[Conan O'Brien]

Me as that character going to different people who've had a terrible. Facing a much really bad situation. I don't know. It makes me happy. But then I realize, oh, it's so awful.

[Bill Hader]

It's so awful. And I'm sorry, I can't. Yeah, it is. Yeah. It was just. And it's interesting, too, running into people who are also lost their house. I mean, that's the nice thing too, I'll say, is that so many people went through it. So, you know, with my kids and everybody, you know, it's like they're running. They have friends who are going through the same thing and so they're all bonding. I'm trying to just take it back to reality and trying to forget what Conan just said.

[Sona Movsesian]

I know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Joking.

[Sona Movsesian]

Sneakers thing. I'm sure we talked about losing our homes and you didn't have the right sneakers. You had sneakers, but not the right sneakers.

[Conan O'Brien]

The sneakers I had were perfectly good.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

For any workout.

[Bill Hader]

When I go back to my house after they fumigated it and I go into my Pretty Woman like closet.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now I'm just gonna have to go in there and destroy everything. The is the perfect.

[Bill Hader]

I know sea salt is the perfect thing to go fund me. Oh, my God, I have a headache.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just a picture of me in a white tuxedo. My house is fined on a yacht, but I don't have access to my seesaw.

[Bill Hader]

During the fires, I took my Yara to Catalina.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you know what that was like for me?

[Bill Hader]

Do you know what that was like for me? The rocking back and forth, the people saying, can we get on? We say, no.

[Conan O'Brien]

I have to hit them with an oar.

[Bill Hader]

Hitting them with an oar throughout my back. I hit my back. I just told my daughter, here's an oar who get them if they try to get home.

[Conan O'Brien]

That reminds me of a. This is a crazy memory. Takes me back to an SNL sketch of. I think there was a terrible disaster. I forget what it was. I think it might be a Downey. There was a terrible disaster.

[Bill Hader]

He's the king of.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And a Jim Downey sketch. And what happens is all the A listers have been wiped out and so the B listers have been elevated. It's just a bunch of agents trying to figure out who the new A listers are. But I remember there was one part where, like, Charlton Heston is on an over capsized boat and he's hitting people with oars. I don't know.

[Bill Hader]

I love that. Yeah. Downey was always the guy that would come up with a sketch that you were like, oh, really? We're going to do this? Yeah. He was always the guy that I would be like, you want me to do this? Really? He's like, yeah, yeah, it'll be great. It'll be great. Everybody will laugh. Oh, God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Bill Hader]

I hope so. But yeah, you know, the sketch. I always think of that. I wish that so many people have told me about. Dana Carvey told me about everything. Was Giant Businessman. That was the Jack Handy one about.

[Conan O'Brien]

The Jack Handy was. He had the office next to the one where Greg Daniels, Bob Odenkirk and I had an office and Robert Smigel would come back there all the time and the bunch of us would just work on things together. Handy had the office next to ours. And we, of course, would stay up like three nights in a row and Jack Handy would come in and he'd put in. It's like he worked at a bank or something. He would put in, you know, eight hours and he'd type and you'd think well, that guy, you know, we're staying up three nights in a row, and then he would his stuff at rehearsal. Unbelievable.

[Bill Hader]

But Giant Businessman, I loved Giant Businessman, was just Phil Hartman as a Giant Businessman inside a small. So it was him inside a small, like, apartment set.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Hader]

And he's like this. And it's like. And, you know, Pardo. And now the adventures of Giant Businessman. And then it was him and the next door, a band playing, like, loud. And then he can't concentrate. So then it cuts to him, and he's like, in the hallway, and he has to crawl on his knees. He's huge, barely fit in the hallway. And he taps on the door with his finger. And someone answers the door and he's like. And shout. Businessman goes, excuse me, can you please turn your music down? And the. No. And if you ask us again, we'll kick your ass. And then it cuts to him back in his apartment. He takes up a tiny telephone and he goes, hello, Witness Protection Program? Because this has been the adventures of Giant Businessman. So the fact that he's a giant and the fact that he's a businessman has nothing to do.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. And then he could step on these people.

[Bill Hader]

That he could step on them. And then he got scared. And so many people, Al Franken and Downey and Dana and everybody go. I remember him doing it at the table. And they said that was the biggest laugh that they had heard at the table. That just kept going into the next sketch where people were like, wait, what? Will Forte was like that. He had that sketch, Potato Chip, that people talk about sometimes. And I just. That was like, at the table, read it, said the script, said Potato Chip. And then Lauren reads the stage direction. And Lauren went open on NASA and we all died. Like, what? Called Potato Chip open on NASA. And we all fell over. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, well, Forte, I don't know where. He's like one of those guys. Like him and John Solomon, when they get together, it's like they don't. It's like they don't know where it comes from. You know, it's just very genuine. And he doesn't. When you would write with him, I would be laughing hard, and he kind of wouldn't be laughing. He would kind of look at you, like, yeah, so. And then he would say the funniest shit I've ever heard. But it didn't. And, yeah, he's like, no, no, no. These are jokes, and we'll put them together, you know? But I always admired that, you know? Cause he never would Try to put on or anything. He was just very. Just genuine.

[Conan O'Brien]

It came from a really pure place.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah. Very pure place. Yeah. I was always impressed with that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, we've tapped out. We've gone. I mean, you've given us much joy. You've also given us some reality, which.

[Bill Hader]

I, of course, ignore.

[Conan O'Brien]

Talked about people losing their homes, and I made it, you know, about how I don't. Those really good sneakers.

[Sona Movsesian]

Okay, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You can see it from my point of view now.

[Matt Gourley]

I get it.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, you know what I'm saying?

[Sona Movsesian]

We get it.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, but you know what I mean. The ones with the really good arch support.

[Bill Hader]

Just you and Ralph's going, Betty Crocker. Who the hell is Betty Crocker?

[Conan O'Brien]

Why is this so inexpensive?

[Bill Hader]

My God, here she is.

[Conan O'Brien]

Someone carry me out of here. Nine people with me. Carry me away. I think about you from time to time because you're obviously one of the funniest people certainly I've ever met. But you're also. You're a very sensitive person and you're a really sweet guy. And I like it when we get to hang out and I've gotta. I'd like to hang out more and maybe try and riff a little less and find out how you're doing. Like, how are you?

[Bill Hader]

No, man. But that's good, though. It's like, it always gets around to that.

[Conan O'Brien]

It gets around to that.

[Bill Hader]

It always gets around to that. And you always give me great advice. And the thing. I always feel like it's a whole cottage industry. Like you mentioned in an interview, like, oh, yeah, I suffer really bad anxiety and depression and stuff. And then everybody's. It becomes like a whole thing where now it's like, I would do interviews and I'm like, google my name and anxiety. You'll see everything I have to say about it. You know what I mean? And, like, depression and all that. But when I talk to people like, you know, you or Marty or these other, you know, people I, you know, admire so much for so long, and you guys. We talk about it and stuff. You guys have been so great at listening and giving me great advice and, you know, so. I really appreciate that, man. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's good just to know that. That so many people out there who in all walks of life have this issue, but it's also particularly an occupational hazard.

[Bill Hader]

Oh, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

In the comedy world, I don't know.

[Bill Hader]

What it is, but something where you just.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's the flip side of the coin.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah, totally. And I think I've just gotten to this place Though, where it's like, kind of for the first time in a healthier place. I mean, it's nice seeing Ally, my girlfriend, who's, you know, does stand up and is. But is like a very solid person. Like, she makes breakfast for her kids every morning, makes dinner. She's home. It's like her priorities are so dead on. And I'm like, wow, you can be really funny, really smart, and do all the cool stuff and still have that, you know, be a person, you know, a human, you know, so. So that's been helpful.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, cool. Sad.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I'm just. Now I'm thinking I gotta start making food.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, you need to do a lot more than that.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know. What do you want?

[Bill Hader]

All right. What does everybody, everyone want for breakfast?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, it's Benedict Postmate.

[Bill Hader]

You will get Honey Nut Cheerios. Dry Honey Nut Cheerios.

[Conan O'Brien]

I love this version of me because it is me, just with that different accent.

[Bill Hader]

I'm lair of a multi.

[Conan O'Brien]

My house, largely unscathed.

[Bill Hader]

Largely unscathed.

[Conan O'Brien]

As usually. Bill Hader, God bless you.

[Bill Hader]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thank you for being here. People ask me a lot about genius. I don't know why. I don't know what is about me. A real genius always seeks out the nerds. That's the common thing as nerds. I mean, this is why I go to you all the time, David. Thank you. Seriously, because you know how to, like, do things on the phone and order things online. I don't know that well. It's usually simple stuff.

[Bill Hader]

You can't.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Make tea.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Nerd wallet. That's what I'm talking about. NerdWallet's gonna find the right credit card or auto insurance for you in minutes. Their team of nerds has done the research, so you don't have to just answer a few simple questions and you'll be matched with the right financial products for you. They have only nerds working there. Every now and then, a jock will try and apply and they say, go no further. You are banished from our realm.

[Bill Hader]

Feel like you would thrive working for that?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. I would go to nerdwallet.com to finance smarter today. After all, letting NerdWallet do the work is more than smart. It's genius. Terms and conditions apply. Credit products subject to lender approval. See nerdwallet.com for details. This is an ad for the active cash credit card from Wells Fargo. And you know what? That's a mouthful. Yeah, that's a lot to say, but I did it. It's a lot of words, you know, What? It's a mouthful because it packs a lot in. You can earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases with it, big or small. So whether it's buying tickets to the game with your mom or grabbing a coffee with your dog. My dog doesn't drink coffee. Earn unlimited 2% cash rewards on purchases made with it. Learn more@wells Fargo.com ActiveCach terms apply. Cybercrime is a serious problem in the United States.

[Matt Gourley]

Is this a psa?

[Conan O'Brien]

The Internet can be a very dark, dark place. And, Sona, I understand that you've been the victim of a intended scam that didn't work.

[Sona Movsesian]

That's right. I was at Target.

[Conan O'Brien]

You were at Target. And what, do you want to back this up and. And say what exactly happened?

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, I. There's an email that is no longer check. It's not. It's not a working email, but every once in a while, someone will check it, like once a month, once every two weeks, whatever. It was forwarded to me. And it's an email from Conan O'Brien. Yeah. And it says, request for contact information.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

Dear Sona, I hope you're doing well.

[Conan O'Brien]

This guy did not do his research.

[Sona Movsesian]

When you have a moment, could you please share your personal mobile number with me? I have a task I'd like to you to assist with. Best regards, Conan O'Brien.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow. Yeah, well, a couple of problems there. It doesn't quite have my tone.

[Sona Movsesian]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I would know not to ask for your assistance in any matter. That was such a lazy try.

[Matt Gourley]

What's the end game here? Because what they ultimately want is to get in touch with you.

[Sona Movsesian]

They want my cell.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

And so, you know, I mean, it's just. But it's also. Best regards, Conan O'Brien. And then in what world do you not have my cell phone?

[Conan O'Brien]

Also, there's no bid in there.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

There's no shtick.

[Sona Movsesian]

I hope you're doing well. You should hope I'm doing well.

[Matt Gourley]

Apparently, there's no insult.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, that's what I mean. There's no shtick. There's no bit. There's no hook. This person has never listened to this podcast, has never watched any of my work. Has me confused with the ambassador, the American ambassador to France, Dean Adlay Stevenson. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's ridiculous. That's a letter.

[Bill Hader]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Between two high functionaries in the late 50s.

[Sona Movsesian]

That's the thing. It's like, if we were actual functioning adults, that would make sense. But that doesn't. You've never ended an email with, Best regards, Conan O'Brien.

[Bill Hader]

Right?

[Conan O'Brien]

And my email, too, would be like, hey, Sona, why is Skrillex keep calling me? And another thing, trying to buy a coffin for a squirrel and getting nowhere.

[Matt Gourley]

Maybe this was Skrillex.

[Conan O'Brien]

I always throw. I love to throw out some celebrity that's a complete. Has no connection to me in any way. That's one of my favorite things to do. And then to say to you or to David, like, why am I. Why is Dua Lipa texting me constantly? What's that all about?

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, lately it's a lot of Benny Blanco.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. I'm obsessed with the name Benny Blanco. I'm like, can someone get Benny Blanco off my ass? And you'll be like, wait, what's going on? And I'll say, he's blowing up my DMs. I don't want to hang, and I don't even go bowling. I don't even know where you would go bowling. And so who would lie about that? Who with real things to worry about would lie about Selena Gomez's boyfriend or fiance?

[Matt Gourley]

I was wondering.

[Sona Movsesian]

Know who Benny Blanco is?

[Conan O'Brien]

Where have you been, man?

[Sona Movsesian]

Come on, Matt, get with it, bro.

[Matt Gourley]

I've been bowling with Skrillex.

[Bill Hader]

Skrillex.

[Sona Movsesian]

Skrillex, Skrillex. Oh, my God. Eduardo's laughing at you so hard. Skrillex.

[Matt Gourley]

Skrillex.

[Conan O'Brien]

Skill X. Oh, God. Yeah. He no longer dates Skrill. He's Skrill's ex. Okay, my point is.

[Sona Movsesian]

You know what?

[Conan O'Brien]

My point is that I do want to get it out there that I am sick and fucking tired of Benny Blanco sliding into my DMs.

[Sona Movsesian]

You know what? You don't even. Can I just say, does Benny Blanco.

[Conan O'Brien]

Even know who I am? Because I get the sense he's really cool. I don't think he does. He seems like a cool guy, and Selena Gomez seems like a really cool person. They're a very cool couple. And now I'm obsessed with Benny Blanco reaching out to me, and I don't think it's gonna happen. And I don't even know much about Benny Blanco.

[Sona Movsesian]

If he does, would you try to, like, like, say cool things to him?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, I would.

[Sona Movsesian]

Okay. I was just wondering if, like.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, let's try it right now. You be Benny Blanco.

[Sona Movsesian]

Hey. Hey, Conan. Sup, bro?

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, Benny Blanco. What's the score?

[Matt Gourley]

Wait, he did write that email.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, Benny Blanco. Hope you're doing well. Could I have your personal information? Best regards, Conan O'Brien.

[Sona Movsesian]

Why are you saying Benny Blanco? Why don't you just say, hey, Benny. Nice to hear from you.

[Conan O'Brien]

We haven't been properly introduced yet. You're still Benny Blanco to me. Benny, then, you said.

[Sona Movsesian]

What's the score?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Sona Movsesian]

Okay. All right. What? Why are you talking so weird, Conor? I'm just seeing what's up, man.

[Conan O'Brien]

My best regards to Selena. She has conquered vocally music. And she has done quite well in light comedy with murders in the building. Murders in the building.

[Sona Movsesian]

Conan. Are. Is this really Conan, or is this a scam?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, you bet your booties, Blanco. This is the real McCoy. Just wondering how you're doing. Maybe we could hang sometime. Get the old Brusky Aruni.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, Brusky Aruni, huh? You know what? Actually, I'm busy. I. I just wanted to check in and I heard you've been talking a lot about me. But I am not sliding into your DMs. You're old.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm not that old, Benny Blanco. Hey, and someday you'll be my age. And your hips will hurt.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, God, I hope not. I won't ever get as old as you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, few people have, Benny Blanco. Few people have. I'm the rare human that's made it this far. Well, my best to you, Benny Blanco.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes. Okay. It was really good talking to you. You'll never hear from me again. Coming in.

[Conan O'Brien]

See you in the clubs.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, God. Don't say clubs. You won't see me in any of the clubs that you think that you'd go to.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know.

[Matt Gourley]

It's me, Skrill X. I'll hang out with you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, look, it's Diplo.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God, Diplo?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. I saw his name on a. On a billboard once, and I got obsessed. Yeah, Diplo in Vegas. And I was like, I don't know what he does. There's just a picture of a guy sitting, staring at me. I want a piece of that.

[Sona Movsesian]

He's a DJ.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, whatever. I know they're DJs. Because it's producer DJ. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Eduardo.

[Sona Movsesian]

You. Eduardo?

[Matt Gourley]

You've gone too far, Eduardo.

[Conan O'Brien]

All I know. All I know is that when I see a billboard of a. Of a man scowling at me and just wearing no particular outfit, just a T shirt, and they're scowling at me, and it's a name and it says Vegas, I know they're a D. Dj. Yeah, but there's no. It's. What kind of show business is that?

[Sona Movsesian]

If. If Diplo or Benny Blanc or any DJ ever invited you to Vegas for one of their DJ sets. Yeah, I know it's not your Scene. Okay, you have to go.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'll go.

[Sona Movsesian]

And you have to stand next to them in the booth.

[Conan O'Brien]

Message to Benny Blanco, Diplo, Skrillex, Habnat, Jab Jabo. Oh, my God, Tiesto.

[Sona Movsesian]

Steve.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. I mean, you just. What's that?

[Matt Gourley]

Pauly D. Pauly.

[Conan O'Brien]

DJ Polly D. Wait, Poly D from Jersey Shore. That's Adam's. Wait, they still don't know his last name.

[Sona Movsesian]

Jersey. Over here. That's why.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, so listen, let's. Let's wrap it. Let's summarize. Pauly D. Tedesco. What's that, Tiesto? Tiesto. Chain smokers. Technically, chain smokers. I mean, you name it. You, Robinson, of course. I mean, I had that one written down before you even said it.

[Matt Gourley]

Wolfman Jack.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, no. I want to hang with any of Wolfgang Amadeus, but.

[Bill Hader]

So you're not too far off.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, that's what he meant. I know. Listen, I am ready to hang with any DJ in Vegas if it gets me the street cred I need. Yeah. Because no one's going to see that coming. Me standing next to them while they're DJing.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Whatever that is.

[Sona Movsesian]

With a big hat. Because it's Vegas and you're probably outside and you're, like, fully covered.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm holding one of those incredibly giant liquors. What is it?

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, a yard of, like, a yard of beer. I thought you were gonna say like, a. Like an Asian parasol or something like that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, I'm holding. I'm holding a geisha's parasol in Vegas and holding a very moderately sized 0.0 Heineken.

[Sona Movsesian]

Covered head to toe.

[Conan O'Brien]

Ooch, ooch, ooch, ooch, ooch, ooch. Hey, Diplo. There's Benny Blanco and Skrillex. All right, I'm signing off.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh. Please end this.

[Conan O'Brien]

Enjoy this segment.

[Sona Movsesian]

Best regards.

[Conan O'Brien]

Best regards, Conan O'Brien.

[Matt Gourley]

Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien. Sonam of Session and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples, engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review right. Read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-284.7 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign [e-mail] Conan and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend Wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is Comedy Bang Bang the podcast, the promo, and in 30 seconds I'm gonna tell you why. You should check out the show. I the host Scott Aukerman have a light hearted conversation with famous celebrities like Jon Hamm, Allison Williams, Phoebe Bridgers, Jason Alexander, Natasha Lyonne, Bob Odenkirk, just to name a few things. Go a little off the rails when different occasions eccentric characters and oddballs drop by to be interviewed as well. Each week is a blend of conversations and character work from your favorite comedians as well as some new hilarious voices. Comedy Bang Bang the Podcast Listen every Monday, wherever you get your podcasts. Dear old work platform. It's not you, it's us. Actually, it is you. Endless onboarding. Constant it bottlenecks. We've had enough. We need a platform that just gets us us. And to be honest, we've met someone new. They're called Monday. Com and it was love at first. Onboarding. Their beautiful dashboards, their customizable workflows got us floating on a digital cloud nine so no hard feelings, but we're moving on Monday. Com, the first work platform you'll love to use.