Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Episode: Bley’s Fastballs Part II
Date: January 22, 2026
Host: Conan O'Brien (with co-hosts Sona Movsesian, Matt Gourley, and David Hopping)
Episode Overview
This episode continues from last week’s contentious and comedic brainstorming session, “Bley’s Fastballs,” where Conan and the team pitch increasingly absurd dramatic roles for Conan in the event of his hypothetical, Daniel Day-Lewis–style retirement from show business—only to be lured back by an irresistible acting opportunity. The conversation spirals through movie pitches, meta-commentary on Hollywood, and inside jokes about Conan’s dramatic abilities, with plenty of tangents and self-aware banter.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
1. Bley’s Softer Pitching Style
- [02:12] After advice to tone it down, Aaron Blair (“Bley”) introduces his pitch in a new, subdued fashion.
- Conan’s Reaction: “You know what? This is a new persona, and those take time to get used to.”
- The group playfully critiques Bley’s delivery but agree his approach, though awkward, is an improvement.
- Conan: “I like it when you're inarticulate. Quietly.” [03:02]
2. Daniel Day-Lewis Parody: Retiring to a Craft
- [03:14] Conan riffs on the idea of actors who leave their craft to make shoes or do artisanal work, spoofing Daniel Day-Lewis’s infamous retreat to cobbling in Ireland.
- Conan: “Maybe our greatest actor in the world makes shoes when he chooses not to act.”
- Conan invents an alternate universe where he crafts “late 19th-century prosthetics for people who’ve lost their feet in mining accidents.”
- Conan’s Imagination: “I pick out the best old tree I can find… for a toe that was lost by this guy.” [04:25]
- Sona: “While they wait… they have to live off only cider.”
- Conan: “By the time I get back with the wood, the guy’s dying… but I will craft that!” [04:26]
3. Daydreaming Dramatic Comeback Roles
- The team discusses absurd possibilities for dramatic roles Conan could return for:
- Pippi Longstocking:
- Sona: “Maybe the one staring us in the face is Pippi… Pippi Longstocking.” [06:10]
- Conan: “No way I can play an 11-year-old girl.”
- James Bond:
- Sona: “They have to cast a new Bond this year…” [07:40]
- Conan: “Are they looking at long-in-the-tooth Irishmen who've lived in America for a couple hundred years?”
- David: “Do you even do a British accent? I’ve never heard you do one.”
- Conan: “Does he have to be British? I'm thinking a Bond from just outside Boston…” [08:17]
- Pitch: Bond who needs Sona and David’s help with gadgets, leading to comic frustration.
- Lincoln
- David: “If there was a biopic you would do…” [10:04]
- Conan: “I'm exactly the height of Lincoln.” [10:16]
- Sona: “Would you come on the heels of Daniel Day-Lewis?” [10:28]
- Conan as Lincoln: “Well, I guess I gotta go to the theater. Might not be a good idea, if you know what I mean…” [10:53]
- Pippi Longstocking:
4. Meta-Hollywood & Conan’s Unlikely Movie Stardom
- [15:10] The discussion shifts to buddy cop movie parodies:
- Conan: "What if me and Oliphant were in a movie?" [15:19]
- Sona: “He’s a cop and you’re like an insurance adjuster… almost Midnight Run style.” [15:57]
- Conan: “Closer to reality… I’m a podcaster who has to ride along.” [16:15]
- They riff on increasingly far-fetched premises, lampooning common Hollywood tropes.
- Sona: “Everything’s about podcasting now, sadly.” [17:02]
5. Absurdist Movie Pitches Intensify
- [18:29] More elaborate setups ensue, including a hostage drama and a romance between Conan and Timothy Olyphant’s characters.
- Conan: “No one who goes to a Conan O’Brien movie expects or wants to see sex. This is for the rare moviegoer who hates the idea of sex and never wants to see it.” [19:29]
- The team runs with the “chemical accident” trope:
- Conan: “I fell into a vat of chemicals, made me stretchy and pale and long.” [20:07]
6. The Final, Ridiculous Pitch: ‘Gus the Gigolo’
- [21:09] Sona pitches: “He’s a veteran gigolo and you’re a gigolo in training.”
- After a series of slapstick misadventures, Conan’s character becomes a terrible gigolo and keeps falling into vats of chemicals.
- Sona: “The movie’s called Gus the Gigolo.” [23:04]
- Conan: “Let’s just say… the way people buy me in a movie is if I fell into a vat of chemicals, that’s crucial.” [21:02]
- The group wraps, noting the utter absurdity of their own improv.
- Conan: “That's my least favorite thing about improv… the director walks out and goes, ‘Ha ha ha! And scene!’ Like they nailed it.” [23:29]
7. Crowdsourcing the Next Conan Role
- Conan: “Let's put it out to the fans… If you think of a really good movie I could be in—existing franchise or otherwise—let us know. Should the right idea come, I might do it.” [23:52]
Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments
- "I like it when you're inarticulate. Quietly." – Conan, regarding Bley’s attempt at being soft-spoken [03:02]
- "I pick out the best old tree I can find… for a toe that was lost by this guy." – Conan, crafting prosthetics in his post-acting retreat [04:25]
- "Are they looking at long-in-the-tooth Irishmen who've lived in America for a couple hundred years?” – Conan, on James Bond casting [07:52]
- Conan as Lincoln: “Well, I guess I gotta go to the theater. Might not be a good idea, if you know what I mean…” [10:53]
- "No one who goes to a Conan O’Brien movie expects or wants to see sex… This is for the rare moviegoer who hates the idea of sex." – Conan, lampooning his screen persona [19:29]
- "Let’s just say… the way people buy me in a movie is if I fell into a vat of chemicals, that’s crucial." – Conan [21:02]
- "That’s my least favorite thing about improv… the director walks out and goes, 'Ha ha ha! And scene!' Like they nailed it.” – Conan, parodying improv conventions [23:29]
- "It checks out. It checks out." – Group, mock-validating their ridiculous plot [23:26]
Important Timestamps
| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:12 | Bley reveals his quieter pitching style | | 03:14 | Conan’s Daniel Day-Lewis parody / prosthetics shop fantasy | | 06:10 | Pippi Longstocking as a comeback role (debunked) | | 07:40 | The James Bond discussion (and Conan’s Bostonian Bond) | | 10:53 | Conan's Lincoln impression & meta biopic talk | | 15:19 | Buddy cop movie pitch with Timothy Olyphant | | 17:02 | Meta-commentary on the podcasting trend in Hollywood | | 18:29 | Hostage negotiator and romance parody setup | | 19:29 | Sexless Conan movie & running gags about falling in chemicals | | 21:09 | "Gus the Gigolo" premise explodes into slapstick | | 23:52 | Conan invites fans to submit movie/comeback role ideas |
Episode Tone & Character
The episode is classic Team Coco: smart, self-deprecating, utterly absurd, and deeply collaborative. Conan’s improvisational flights-of-fancy meet Sona and David’s playful, quick-witted banter, creating a roast of movie pitches that are as much sendups of Hollywood as amusements for loyal listeners and Team Coco insiders.
Call to Action
[23:52] Conan: “Let’s put it out to the fans. If you think of a really good movie I could be in… I might do it. Keep the heart open… let’s hear your ideas, fans.”
This episode is a must-listen for fans who love Conan’s delightfully unhinged imagination and the Team’s willingness to push each other into comedic absurdity.