Bley’s Fastballs Part II

Summary

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Episode: Bley’s Fastballs Part II

Date: January 22, 2026
Host: Conan O'Brien (with co-hosts Sona Movsesian, Matt Gourley, and David Hopping)

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Episode Overview

This episode continues from last week’s contentious and comedic brainstorming session, “Bley’s Fastballs,” where Conan and the team pitch increasingly absurd dramatic roles for Conan in the event of his hypothetical, Daniel Day-Lewis–style retirement from show business—only to be lured back by an irresistible acting opportunity. The conversation spirals through movie pitches, meta-commentary on Hollywood, and inside jokes about Conan’s dramatic abilities, with plenty of tangents and self-aware banter.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Bley’s Softer Pitching Style

• [02:12] After advice to tone it down, Aaron Blair (“Bley”) introduces his pitch in a new, subdued fashion.
  • Conan’s Reaction: “You know what? This is a new persona, and those take time to get used to.”
• The group playfully critiques Bley’s delivery but agree his approach, though awkward, is an improvement.
  • Conan: “I like it when you're inarticulate. Quietly.” [03:02]

2. Daniel Day-Lewis Parody: Retiring to a Craft

• [03:14] Conan riffs on the idea of actors who leave their craft to make shoes or do artisanal work, spoofing Daniel Day-Lewis’s infamous retreat to cobbling in Ireland.
  • Conan: “Maybe our greatest actor in the world makes shoes when he chooses not to act.”
• Conan invents an alternate universe where he crafts “late 19th-century prosthetics for people who’ve lost their feet in mining accidents.”
  • Conan’s Imagination: “I pick out the best old tree I can find… for a toe that was lost by this guy.” [04:25]
  • Sona: “While they wait… they have to live off only cider.”
  • Conan: “By the time I get back with the wood, the guy’s dying… but I will craft that!” [04:26]

3. Daydreaming Dramatic Comeback Roles

• The team discusses absurd possibilities for dramatic roles Conan could return for:
  • Pippi Longstocking:
    • Sona: “Maybe the one staring us in the face is Pippi… Pippi Longstocking.” [06:10]
    • Conan: “No way I can play an 11-year-old girl.”
  • James Bond:
    • Sona: “They have to cast a new Bond this year…” [07:40]
    • Conan: “Are they looking at long-in-the-tooth Irishmen who've lived in America for a couple hundred years?”
    • David: “Do you even do a British accent? I’ve never heard you do one.”
    • Conan: “Does he have to be British? I'm thinking a Bond from just outside Boston…” [08:17]
    • Pitch: Bond who needs Sona and David’s help with gadgets, leading to comic frustration.
  • Lincoln
    • David: “If there was a biopic you would do…” [10:04]
    • Conan: “I'm exactly the height of Lincoln.” [10:16]
    • Sona: “Would you come on the heels of Daniel Day-Lewis?” [10:28]
    • Conan as Lincoln: “Well, I guess I gotta go to the theater. Might not be a good idea, if you know what I mean…” [10:53]

4. Meta-Hollywood & Conan’s Unlikely Movie Stardom

• [15:10] The discussion shifts to buddy cop movie parodies:
  • Conan: "What if me and Oliphant were in a movie?" [15:19]
  • Sona: “He’s a cop and you’re like an insurance adjuster… almost Midnight Run style.” [15:57]
  • Conan: “Closer to reality… I’m a podcaster who has to ride along.” [16:15]
• They riff on increasingly far-fetched premises, lampooning common Hollywood tropes.
  • Sona: “Everything’s about podcasting now, sadly.” [17:02]

5. Absurdist Movie Pitches Intensify

• [18:29] More elaborate setups ensue, including a hostage drama and a romance between Conan and Timothy Olyphant’s characters.
  • Conan: “No one who goes to a Conan O’Brien movie expects or wants to see sex. This is for the rare moviegoer who hates the idea of sex and never wants to see it.” [19:29]
• The team runs with the “chemical accident” trope:
  • Conan: “I fell into a vat of chemicals, made me stretchy and pale and long.” [20:07]

6. The Final, Ridiculous Pitch: ‘Gus the Gigolo’

• [21:09] Sona pitches: “He’s a veteran gigolo and you’re a gigolo in training.”
• After a series of slapstick misadventures, Conan’s character becomes a terrible gigolo and keeps falling into vats of chemicals.
  • Sona: “The movie’s called Gus the Gigolo.” [23:04]
  • Conan: “Let’s just say… the way people buy me in a movie is if I fell into a vat of chemicals, that’s crucial.” [21:02]
• The group wraps, noting the utter absurdity of their own improv.
  • Conan: “That's my least favorite thing about improv… the director walks out and goes, ‘Ha ha ha! And scene!’ Like they nailed it.” [23:29]

7. Crowdsourcing the Next Conan Role

• Conan: “Let's put it out to the fans… If you think of a really good movie I could be in—existing franchise or otherwise—let us know. Should the right idea come, I might do it.” [23:52]

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• "I like it when you're inarticulate. Quietly." – Conan, regarding Bley’s attempt at being soft-spoken [03:02]
• "I pick out the best old tree I can find… for a toe that was lost by this guy." – Conan, crafting prosthetics in his post-acting retreat [04:25]
• "Are they looking at long-in-the-tooth Irishmen who've lived in America for a couple hundred years?” – Conan, on James Bond casting [07:52]
• Conan as Lincoln: “Well, I guess I gotta go to the theater. Might not be a good idea, if you know what I mean…” [10:53]
• "No one who goes to a Conan O’Brien movie expects or wants to see sex… This is for the rare moviegoer who hates the idea of sex." – Conan, lampooning his screen persona [19:29]
• "Let’s just say… the way people buy me in a movie is if I fell into a vat of chemicals, that’s crucial." – Conan [21:02]
• "That’s my least favorite thing about improv… the director walks out and goes, 'Ha ha ha! And scene!' Like they nailed it.” – Conan, parodying improv conventions [23:29]
• "It checks out. It checks out." – Group, mock-validating their ridiculous plot [23:26]

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:12 | Bley reveals his quieter pitching style | | 03:14 | Conan’s Daniel Day-Lewis parody / prosthetics shop fantasy | | 06:10 | Pippi Longstocking as a comeback role (debunked) | | 07:40 | The James Bond discussion (and Conan’s Bostonian Bond) | | 10:53 | Conan's Lincoln impression & meta biopic talk | | 15:19 | Buddy cop movie pitch with Timothy Olyphant | | 17:02 | Meta-commentary on the podcasting trend in Hollywood | | 18:29 | Hostage negotiator and romance parody setup | | 19:29 | Sexless Conan movie & running gags about falling in chemicals | | 21:09 | "Gus the Gigolo" premise explodes into slapstick | | 23:52 | Conan invites fans to submit movie/comeback role ideas |

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Episode Tone & Character

The episode is classic Team Coco: smart, self-deprecating, utterly absurd, and deeply collaborative. Conan’s improvisational flights-of-fancy meet Sona and David’s playful, quick-witted banter, creating a roast of movie pitches that are as much sendups of Hollywood as amusements for loyal listeners and Team Coco insiders.

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Call to Action

[23:52] Conan: “Let’s put it out to the fans. If you think of a really good movie I could be in… I might do it. Keep the heart open… let’s hear your ideas, fans.”

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This episode is a must-listen for fans who love Conan’s delightfully unhinged imagination and the Team’s willingness to push each other into comedic absurdity.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Sonam]

Hear the yell Back to school Ring the hell Brand new shoes Walking loose.

[Conan O'Brien]

Climb the fence Books and pens I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[Sonam]

I can tell that we.

[Conan O'Brien]

Are going to be friends all right, it's time for part two of what we discussed last week. It started as a massive argument. It's. It was very intense. We were all shouting and screaming at each other. But it led to Blay reforming his ways, becoming quieter, more soft spoken, more thoughtful. Out of that new Persona came a decent pitch. He said, hey, Blay, why don't you repeat it?

[Blay]

My pitch. What?

[David]

Oh, man, he's still learning.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, he's doing it.

[Blay]

I'm taking the.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don't listen to her.

[Blay]

Last week you guys said I should lean back and I should be softer and not grip the mic. And so I'm going to do that.

[David]

I hate this.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I like it.

[Blay]

My pitch last week was you had said you were in the movie, if I had legs, I'd kick you. It was a dramatic role and you had said you're not looking for anything more dramatic roles. So my pitch was like Daniel Day Lewis coming out of retirement. What kind of role would you come out of retirement for? To what new it. This is Not a static.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, you know what? It's okay. What.

[Blay]

What role?

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? This is a new Persona, and those take time to get used to.

[Blay]

What role would you. What dramatic role would you do next if you were.

[Conan O'Brien]

We got it. We got it. You could have ended the sentence there.

[David]

Look what you guys did.

[Conan O'Brien]

But I did it softly, right?

[David]

Look what you did to my boy.

[Conan O'Brien]

I did it softly. You know what? I like it when you're inarticulate. Quietly.

[Blay]

Okay, I'm just saying I did do it softly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah.

[Blay]

And I leaned back.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, good. Very good. We're done with that.

[Blay]

Okay, sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's get onto the idea itself.

[Blay]

Here's the idea.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, the idea involves me, and I think it's worthy of discussion. Well, famously, Daniel Day Lewis has retired, I think, several times from acting. And when he does, he doesn't just, you know, mow the lawn. He's very interested in, I think, making shoes. He's a cobbler. Yeah, he's a cobbler. And I've actually driven through the town in Ireland where he lives, and he makes shoes. So if you can imagine. And he makes them the old fashioned way. And that's what's fascinating to me, is that this, maybe our greatest actor in the world, makes shoes when he chooses not to act. So let's have everyone imagine that. I. I completed my role in if I had legs, I'd kick you. And I've retired to my small village, and I make late 19th century prosthetics for people who've lost their feet in a mining accident. And that's just my hobby. And so people come in and they say, I lost my foot. And I say, ah, sit there and have some cider. And then I do various measurements. And then I.

[Sonam]

While they wait.

[Conan O'Brien]

While they wait. And I say, and you know what? They. While they're wa. They have to live off only cider. And then I go into the woods with, like, a 19th century saw, and I pick out the best old tree I can find, and I fell in. Giant tree. A massive, beautiful tree that's been around for a thousand years. And then I take one tiny piece of it for a finger, for. For a toe that was lost by this guy. And then I go back and while he's dying now. Cause it's been a while. I had to go to a tree in the Pacific Northwest, and he's in Jersey, But I will craft that, and that's what I do. But then one of my fans has a great idea for a role I should play, and it pulls me away from my craft and I come back to the world of acting. And people are just as excited as when Daniel Day Lewis reenters. Just as excited. This is an alternate universe where that would be possible.

[Sonam]

Gotcha.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. So I guess.

[David]

Or you can fell a tree.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen, I've read a lot of books, Sona. I've read a lot of books about manual labor. Okay. I've just finished a book called Exertion. And so I'm quite certain that when the time comes for me to do something with my hands or body, I will know how to do it. Long hours in the libraries. So that's what we're talking about, I guess, is what role would I do? And I guess we're gonna turn this out to the fans, right?

[Sonam]

Well, we can do that, but we can discuss it.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, we'll discuss it first amongst ourselves, and then maybe it will end with a challenge to the fans. Tell me what role I should play.

[Sonam]

Yeah. Maybe there'll be some good ideas we can discuss at a further time. But the one staring us right in the face is that is Pippi. Pippi Longstocking. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Me play Pippi Longstocking?

[David]

Is that what you were gonna say?

[Sonam]

No, but that's pretty good.

[Conan O'Brien]

Pippi Longstock. Well, okay, Pippi, refresh my memory. Cause I'm sure you're gonna know about Pippi.

[Sonam]

We've talked about Pippi an inordinate amount of times on this podcast for some reason.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, we have. There are certain topics that naturally draw humans to conversation. Yeah.

[Sonam]

Do you know that we talked about it? So much so that they did a documentary on her in Sweden, and they reached out to me because of this podcast, and I'm on that. That documentary, talking about my experience with Pippi.

[Conan O'Brien]

That warms my heart. Well, Sweden, we're thinking of you. And thanks for the work. Yeah, I mean, me to play. Is Pippi. How old is Pippi? Is pippi in her 20s? No, teens. No.

[Sonam]

I mean, yeah, she's like 12 or 13.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, she's 12 or 13. I thought she was super strong.

[Sonam]

She is.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do they ever explain why she is so strong?

[Sonam]

I don't think so.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's not like she's far from the red sun.

[Sonam]

No, that's Superman.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Okay.

[Sonam]

No, she just got magical kind of strength. It's just like wonderful, youthful.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow. What a great origin story. Hey, this is who I am. Quit asking.

[Sonam]

I could be wrong.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know. How did Green Lantern. Hey, this is what I do. Leave me alone.

[Sonam]

My experience with bippy is only the dubbed American versions of the Swedish movie. So I don't even know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, anyway, no, it's not going to be Pippi because I don't think I can play an 11 year old girl.

[Sonam]

The one I was thinking of is this year specifically, they have to cast a new James Bond, you know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, that would.

[Sonam]

I'm not suggesting that.

[David]

Okay.

[Sonam]

I'm just saying let's get. Let's take it off the table.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, are they looking at long and the tooth Irishmen who've lived. Who've lived in America for a couple hundred years?

[Sonam]

I guess Pierce Brosnan's along in the tooth Irishman. They could just go back.

[Conan O'Brien]

They should get.

[David]

Can you be suave and British?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, come on.

[David]

Do you even do a British accent? I've never heard you do a British accent.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, first of all, does he have to be British?

[Sonam]

Distinctively so, yeah. I mean, that's the one thing. He has to be British.

[Conan O'Brien]

They know that. They're gonna make changes. You know, Bond has to change with the times. Right. So I'm thinking of a Bond. He's from just outside Boston in Brookline, Massachusetts.

[Sonam]

You're not far off. You know, they considered Burt Reynolds. They screen tested James Brolin.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is that true?

[Sonam]

Adam west at one time, too.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God.

[Sonam]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, they dodged some bullets there, probably. I mean, and I love those guys. I love everyone you just mentioned. But yes, it has to be British. Has to be British. No, there's no way I could be James Bond because, yes, I have. I think I have the suave sophistication and I think I have the temperament. I think my fight scenes would be quite unusual and I love that my Bond would be a Bond who, anytime he has to use the gadget, calls Sona and asks Sona how to use the gadget. Yeah, but in real time, like I'm fighting the Russian agent and I call you to figure out how to use the thing in my watch that turns it into a garret so I can strangle him and you have to walk me through it. And then you call while I download the app.

[David]

I don't pick up.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then I call David.

[David]

And then you call David. David doesn't pick up. Then you start like doing all bits on our voicemail and then you die.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah. This isn't.

[David]

It's going to be the shortest James Bond movie.

[Sonam]

Sounds good.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. But then the end of the movie is just playing all the bits that I did on the phone.

[Sonam]

You mean like Cannonball Run bloopers?

[Conan O'Brien]

Style over the plates.

[Sonam]

Exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just bits, bits, bits. And people say, like, the movie's terrible, but stick around for the credit bed because those bits with Sona and David are okay.

[Sonam]

All right, so let's take Mond and Pippi off the table as much as we don't want to.

[David]

Yeah. My question was if there was a biopic you would do.

[Blay]

Oh, right.

[David]

Oh, and then I thought, like, oh, but then you'd want to be like, Lyndon Johnson.

[Conan O'Brien]

Slenderman. Treasury Secretary Slenderman.

[David]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I mean, that's a really good question. I don't know what historical figure I'm most like. I'm the exact height of Lincoln.

[Sonam]

Speaking of Daniel Day Lewis, though.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Sonam]

Would you be ready to come on the heels of that recent film and try to clean up it?

[Conan O'Brien]

I have problems with his Lincoln. Oh, I do. And he's a great. And I thought he nailed it in a lot of ways, but I didn't see him ever look to Cameron, like, make faces or anything. I didn't see him once.

[Sonam]

That's what you would bring to the role.

[Conan O'Brien]

I would step. Yeah. And I would do a lot. I'd do a lot of breaking the fourth wall.

[Sonam]

This is your camera. Let's see a little Lincoln.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I guess I gotta go to the theater. Might not be a good idea, if you know what I mean. What do you know what I mean? Oh, God. Wait.

[David]

Lincoln knows what's gonna happen.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, he knows. But he thinks it's all kind of fun, you know, and. Yeah. You know. Yeah. He's like, go to the theater. I could get shot. Well, it's our American cousin. It's pretty funny. Maybe worth it, you know, he knows what's happening and he's kind of sitting.

[Sonam]

In case anyone's curious.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah. But I mean, I think there are many similarities between Lincoln and I. I think we're both kind of tall, rangy, sharp, cheekboned guys at case just stepped out of the prairie and gave a new hope of freedom to America. When you have to pick up meds, it can really dig into your downtime. I agree with this.

[David]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Gotta get that medication. Just. You better get over there and get it.

[Announcer]

Stand in line.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, no, they always put me right to the front.

[David]

Oh, they do?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[David]

Oh, okay. I didn't know that there.

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Conan O'Brien]

Oh. One idea is, you know, they get the opposites. They get two guys who are completely unlike each other to be in a cop movie.

[David]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I've often thought, what if me and Oliphant were in a movie?

[Sonam]

This is good.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it's a cop movie. And you know, he's the. He's Tim Oliphant, so he's incredibly cool and he knows what he's doing. And then I'm the guy who, let's face it, shouldn't be there. So it's that kind of thing. What do we think?

[Sonam]

I like this.

[David]

I actually, I really like that idea.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[David]

Just so Oliphant can come in here and like pitch. Not pitch the movie, but like promote the movie and stuff. There's another. He has to have him come back to Cops.

[Sonam]

Couldn't it be that he's a cop and you're like an insurance adjuster that he has to Almost midnight run style has to get.

[Conan O'Brien]

Guess what? How about this? Closer to reality. He's a cop. And I know this has been done a million times as the actor who has to sit, go on some ride alongs with him. That's been done a lot.

[Sonam]

No, but not for a movie, has it?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it has. Yeah. I think 55 times. But anyway, that is not the way we go. I'm a podcaster. We take it home to what we actually do. It's closer to home.

[Sonam]

Yeah, this is good.

[Conan O'Brien]

So I'm a podcaster or a former late night host, but I think podcaster puts us more in the zeitgeist.

[Sonam]

So are you doing a true crime podcast where you've got to ride along with this guy? Because that's the way to go about him.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Sonam]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. But I'm a real. Yeah, exactly. And I'm always.

[Sonam]

Did he or didn't he? So there's a level of threat.

[Conan O'Brien]

But also I'm always. I've got my equipment, my podcast equipment, and so there's that comedy. There's me constantly bothering him. Oh, I'm thinking right now only Murders in the Building is about podcasting.

[Sonam]

That's okay. Everything's about podcasting now, sadly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. Yeah. That bums me out. And I even. I know those guys and some say I really inspire them. I think I'm.

[Sonam]

Sounds like they're inspiring you right now.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. If I'm a podcaster, then I don't know.

[Sonam]

How about a journalist?

[Conan O'Brien]

Boring.

[Sonam]

Okay, boring. Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I'm a contest winner. I don't know. There's gotta be a reason why a guy like me is riding around with Tim Oliphant, who's a really good detective or cop, but we'll figure that out. I know, but he.

[Sonam]

He has been accused of maybe some going over the line. He's a bit of a loose cannon. He's a. He's a quiet, kind of cool, loose cannon. And you're the IA Internal affairs guy that has to follow him around to see if he's actually going too far.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you get loose cannon, though? From. I get. I get.

[Sonam]

When he's in here, definitely.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true.

[Sonam]

But I don't mean loose cannon, that he's crazy, but like Martin Riggs from Lethal Weapon, like he could crack or he could go too far and be a vigilante. You know, like he could administer his own justice. And you have to figure this out.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm just not sensing it. I don't think you have it. I don't think. And this is.

[Sonam]

But I just want to say that pitch was what we're trying to get Blade to do, right? That kind of style, you know?

[David]

What do you mean?

[Conan O'Brien]

Just.

[Blay]

Yeah.

[Sonam]

Just how it was delivered.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David]

That was very chill.

[Conan O'Brien]

Your pitch style was terrific.

[Sonam]

Okay, thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Your pitch style was terrific. The pitch itself was, you know, a rotted corn on the cob. That's fine, but I don't think it's quite right. Yes.

[Blay]

Abway, I have a quiet pitch which is going off. Your idea. There is a hostage situation and you're the hostage negotiator brought in, but it's your first day.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. I'm just trying to think of something that jumps out at studio executives. And by the way, studio executives today who are on the ropes, what's working? Nothing's working. And you come in, it's gotta be something that makes their minds explode.

[David]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now, first of all, you say, you've got Tim Oliphant, they're interested. Then you say Conan o' Brien's involved, too. They're very excited, you know, Very excited. I know.

[David]

Timothy Olyphant. Is that what you said?

[Conan O'Brien]

And listen, no offense to Tim Oliphant, and Tim's a good friend of mine.

[David]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

But. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

[David]

I'm more excited. Okay. All right. I was going to say, with your hostage one, I'd rather the hostage be a woman. So that they can do it. Like, the whole thing is, how do.

[Sonam]

We get Tim Oliphant, like, the hostage woman is going to have sex with her captor. That's the biggest case of Stockholm syndrome I've ever.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can I just say, no one who goes to a Conan o' Brien movie expects or wants to see sex. So this is for the rare moviegoer who hates the idea of sex and never wants to see it.

[David]

Hear me out. You're not in. You're an extra. So you're like, only show up for a second and then the rest of it is like, people do it.

[Sonam]

And then he's eventually cut out.

[Announcer]

Anyway.

[Sonam]

I think studio executives who are on the ropes right now are looking to maybe make the next heated rivalry. And so maybe it's a Conan Timothy Oliphant and you guys have a little romance.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? So he's some kind of athlete because he can pull that off.

[David]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm a guy who was an athlete, but then fell into a vat of chemicals like the Joker, and it turned my hair, made me all stretchy and pale and long. Okay. Yeah. And so. But we. When I used to be an athlete, we would pal around and so. But now we're together. And what are we doing together? Cause he, He. He feels badly for me and I'm. I'm comic relief. I'm hanging around. I don't think he could be a current day athlete. So he's a retired athlete, right? Cause I think I'm looking it up right now.

[Sonam]

I was saying that they do it. I was saying that even if it was a cop and negotiator situation, you guys are. You guys are finding a way to do it.

[Conan O'Brien]

So it's me and Tim. Hold on. It's me and Tim getting it on.

[Sonam]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because we're in love with each other.

[Sonam]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did I also fall into a vat of chemicals?

[Sonam]

Yes, that's in every one of these pictures. Okay. That's a given.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I mean, I.

[Sonam]

That's for sure.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's just say the way people buy me in a movie is if I fell into a vat of chemicals, that's. That's crucial.

[Sonam]

What about this?

[Conan O'Brien]

That's the other.

[Sonam]

He's a veteran gigolo and you're a gigolo in training. Oh, okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Who fell into a vat of cam.

[Sonam]

For sure. This goes through the same. Listen. With every pitch we talk about from here on out.

[David]

He's the veteran and he's training him well.

[Sonam]

He's the reason that wants to create like late stage career change.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no. This is what happened. This is what happened. Okay. Tim is a roommate. I'm a podcaster, former late night host who lives with Tim Oliphant. That's not his name. His name's Chet. Chet Chasnik. And Chet, this. We'll work this out. We'll figure this out. But Chet is a gigolo. Okay. Okay. And then I've always been a little jealous of that. Then I fall into chemicals. There's obviously the podcast, bubble bursts, you're.

[David]

Dying, and you just want to have a sexcapade. And so you're like, show me the ways.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, I didn't realize. Okay, well, there's dying. I was gonna say I fall into chemicals. I'm in the hospital and they're doing rehab on me, and they say, you need to find a new hobby. And I say, well, my roommate is a gigolo, but I know so little about it, I call it gigolo. That's how little I know about it.

[David]

So you pay the women to do you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, yes.

[Sonam]

So he's not just a john, and it's.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah. And Tim is really. Tim is like, what?

[Sonam]

And he gets arrested for prostitution? For soliciting prostit.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. No.

[Sonam]

And because then he falls into another vat of chemicals.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait, the police go to arrest me? I'm totally confused because I think what I'm doing. First of all, I know that I'm doing something wrong because I'm losing a ton of money as a gigolo. Or as I call it, gigolo. And then the police come to arrest me, I run away, and while they're chasing me, I fall into more chemicals.

[Sonam]

Yes. And the movie's called Gusta Gigolo.

[Conan O'Brien]

Gust. I'm Gus to gigolo everywhere I. Joe.

[David]

Okay, I gotta.

[Sonam]

You know, it checks out. It checks out. If you do the math.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? It checks out. If you have a piece of paper and you've just written rap and you're showing it to me, I guess it checks out in the weird look. I guess it all checks out.

[Sonam]

It checks out. It checks out. It checks out.

[Conan O'Brien]

That reminds me of bad. My least favorite thing about improv is when you go see improv and the people on stage are like, well, I'm in a chocolate factory. I make blenders. Wait, what? No, you don't. I'm your father. My father's dead. And they just look at the audience, and the director walks out and goes, ha, ha ha. And scene. Like, they nailed it. That's what you do when you hold up this rap at that point.

[Sonam]

I disagree.

[Conan O'Brien]

Nicely done. Okay, let's put it out to the fans. If you think of a really good movie I could be in, and I'm gonna even say it could be an existing franchise where I would slot in nicely and I'm serious. Like, I'm not looking to do more, I think, and cinema isn't asking me to do more, but should the right idea come, I might do it. Keep the heart open. Yeah. And so let's hear your ideas, fans.

[Sonam]

Okay, great. To be continued. Conan o' Brien Needs a Fan With Conan o' Brien, Sonam of Session and Matt Corley Produced by me, Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy Supervising producer Aaron Blair Associate talent Producer Jennifer Samples Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm Engineering by Eduardo Perez get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O' Brien needs a fan wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[Conan O'Brien]

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