Chris Fleming

Summary

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend – Episode Summary
Guest: Chris Fleming
Release Date: September 1, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode of "Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend," Conan is joined by the irrepressibly inventive comedian Chris Fleming. Their conversation brims with playful energy, surreal banter, and mutual admiration, as they explore their oddball kinship, comedic origins, and the joy and perils of performing in today’s comedy climate. The episode is a rollicking blend of inside jokes, affectionate roasts, and thoughtful reflections on the creative process and the value of niche communities.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Algorithmic Embarrassment & Gadget Ads

[02:00]

• Conan recounts how Instagram targets him with ads for weird gadgets, notably including "a thing that converts any bottle into something you can urinate into."
  • Conan: "I don't know why this is coming after me... What about me screams I need to urinate into a bottle in my car?"
• The group hilariously theorizes about how the algorithm "knows" Conan, riffing on urine-saving, age, music preferences, and the phone as an omnipresent, snarky listener.
• Chris embodies the voice of Conan's phone:
  • Chris as phone ([05:39]): "No problem. Better make up with your wife."
• The segment loops in meta jokes about the podcast’s sponsors and the hyper-personification of technology.

2. Conan & Chris Fleming’s Absurd Friendship Dynamic

[07:20]

• Conan describes his almost compulsive desire to physically 'attack' (enthusiastically grab) Chris whenever he sees him, likening Chris to the brother he never had—"the brother I should have had" ([09:06]).
• They recount comedic real-life run-ins, including being chased by Conan at parties and in public venues like SXSW in Austin, leading to confusion from hotel security ([10:36]).
• Conan: "I want a full life-size Chris Fleming pillow… so I can thrash it around in the yard" ([11:44]).

3. Chris Fleming’s Comedic Origin Story

[19:44]

• Chris shares his formative years: growing up surrounded by women in Massachusetts, idolizing Michael Flatley (of "Riverdance"), and suffering a knee injury from attempting Irish step-dancing.
• The sense of "being too wiggly for Massachusetts" bonds him with Conan, who jokes about both being like the inflatable tube men at car dealerships ([18:16]).
• Chris reveals he's red-green colorblind and once told he’d “never go into space” by a doctor in kindergarten ([21:56]).

4. Early Comedy and Social Media’s Impact

[28:53]

• Chris started out making videos in high school for the internet. Conan marvels at how social media allowed unique comedic voices to thrive without compromise:
  • Conan ([29:58]): “You were going for 120% Chris Fleming, like it or don’t. None of my business."
• Both speculate about what they’d be like in eras without a creative outlet—likely, they agree, very strange hermits or local eccentrics.

5. Performing for Your Audience

[41:23]

• Conan attended Chris’s LA show, noting the palpable sense of community and kinship among Fleming’s fans: “Everyone was on the exact same frequency.”
• The two discuss how finding and keeping a niche community is more rewarding than chasing mainstream success.
  • Chris ([43:02]): "It's almost enough where we're at right now. I kind of just want to retain this."
  • Conan: “There’s nothing better than paying your rent, doing exactly what you want to do.”

6. Handling Tough Crowds & The Creative Process

[45:06]

• When faced with tough crowds (“especially in Philly”), Chris admits he no longer tries to win over everyone and can get “a little bitchy”—sometimes leading to productive improvisation.
• Conan and Chris discuss the nightmare of doing a big physical bit to silence (“You can hear your shoes squeaking as you walk back in” – Conan [46:15]), and their approaches under duress: Conan doubles down, Chris freezes.
• Chris ([47:50]): “You’ve never done one thing that I would have thought of. Not one … I can just enjoy it as a fan.”

7. The Ethic of Hosting and Conceding

[48:30]

• Conan admits he sometimes made “concessions” as a late-night host to protect guests, prioritizing comfort over the funniest possible joke.
  • “If I’m out there with someone who’s really unhappy... I can’t do my thing.”
• Both stress the importance of authenticity, but also acknowledge mutual responsibility and boundaries in comedy.

8. Running Comedy Bits on Fans and in Public

[50:13]

• Chris says he prefers blank spaces with no “randos,” while Conan enjoys man-on-the-street chaos—as long as it isn’t at someone else’s expense.

9. “Hot Ones” and Playful One-upmanship

[51:11]

• Chris jokes about Conan bragging via text after his triumphant appearance on Hot Ones:
  • Conan ([51:23]): “I killed that shit… I’m your tutor, your mentor. I was trying to show you what a real man does.”
• Jokes fly about someday facing off on Hot Ones again “in a hospice,” imagining a decrepit Sean Evans with “no lips... looks like the Red Skull” ([52:08]).

10. Mutual Admiration & Closing

[54:10]

• Conan earnestly thanks Chris for inspiring him and “vibrating with creative energy.”
• Chris reciprocates:
  • Chris ([54:12]): "I look up to you so much, so thank you... Certain people give you praise, that buys you years of doing the things that you feel strong about doing."

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Notable Quotes

• Conan ([09:06]): “I think you're one of my brothers. The brother I should have had.”
• Chris ([14:23]) on building his “Crandelier” car: “I made it out of, like, PVC piping from Home Depot…”
• Conan ([29:58]): “You were going for 120% Chris Fleming, like it or don’t. None of my business.”
• Chris ([43:02]): “It’s like... to be seen like that by people and encouraged, it really makes you feel like it's so effortless. It's so beautiful.”
• Conan ([43:49]): “There’s nothing better than paying your rent, doing the thing that’s exactly what you want to do.”
• Chris ([47:50]): “You’ve never done one thing that I would have thought of. Not one.”
• Conan ([54:10]): “I believe that the Almighty put this man on the earth just to amuse me.”
• Chris ([54:12]): "I look up to you so much, so thank you."

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Memorable Moments & Running Jokes

• Phone Algorithm Bits: Chris voicing Conan’s phone as a snarky life coach ([05:39], [06:01]).
• Physical Comedy Descriptions: Chris mimicking running backwards, crawling at parties, and discussing childhood leg choreography ([28:04]).
• Friendship Slapstick: Repeated references to Conan ‘thrashing’ Chris and dragging him out of parties ([07:41]–[09:33], [11:44]).
• Pacino/’Heat’ References: The extended riff where Chris and Conan re-enact “Heat” diner scenes and Pacino's “great ass!” outburst ([38:14]–[38:49]).
• Hostility and Kindness: Conan alternates between mock violence and effusive praise, embodying the loving, competitive spirit of comedy friendship ([17:19], [54:10]).
• Future “Hot Ones” Rivalry: Imagining an ancient, hot-sauce-ruined Sean Evans hosting Chris and Conan’s rematch ([52:08]).

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Select Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:49] – Instagram knows Conan; urination gadget ad story
• [09:06] – Conan on his brotherly kinship with Chris
• [13:11] – Conan describes discovering Chris’s work and obsession with the Gale Waters-Waters character
• [21:27] – Chris’s Irish dancing injury and discussion of masculinity
• [28:04] – Chris on childhood leg comedy
• [29:58] – Discussion of early internet comedy, creative freedom
• [41:23] – Conan on the crowd at Chris’s show and the power of community
• [43:49] – On the value of satisfying your own audience vs. expansion
• [45:06] – What Chris does when a crowd isn’t with him
• [48:30] – Conan discusses host concessions for guests
• [54:10] – Mutual appreciation climax; Conan claims God made Chris “just to amuse me.”

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Tone and Language

• The episode radiates playful absurdity, hyperbolic affection, and mutual creative validation. The language is peppered with surreal, rapid-fire riffs but veers sincere during mutual admiration. The recurring tone is one of irrepressible improvisation, laced with just-barely-contained chaos and real warmth.

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Who Should Listen

• Fans of off-the-wall, improvisational comedy, anyone interested in modern standup, and those drawn to the creative interplay and friendship between two uniquely physical and inventive comedians. Newcomers to Chris Fleming will get a portrait of his comic sensibility; longtime fans will appreciate the in-depth, unguarded exploration of his career and camaraderie with Conan.

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Summary:
Chris Fleming and Conan O’Brien’s episode is a whirlwind of affectionate weirdness, creative shop talk, and comic digressions, with both reflecting on what it means to be a singular voice in a splintered landscape. Full of quotable moments, behind-the-scenes insight, and classic Conan-Fleming physical and verbal slapstick, it’s a must-listen for comedy aficionados or anyone who yearns for the joy of simply being weird with a kindred spirit.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

Having the right people in your corner to support you in life makes all the difference. Trust me, I've been there. The person could be the friend who goes with you to test drive a new car. But it could also be the State Farm agent who helps you choose coverage for that car. Let State Farm handle the coverage parts of life so you can focus on the fun parts of life like taking your new car out on the open road. You don't have to worry about the coverage parts.

[Matt Gourley]

Cruise baby.

[Conan O'Brien]

You betcha. Go [e-mail] or use the award winning app.

[Chris Fleming]

That app won an award.

[Conan O'Brien]

No surprise to get help from one of their local agents. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Ashley (Ashley Furniture Ad)]

Your home should show off who you are. Telling your story in every detail, meeting you where you are. Ashley has styles that balance timeless appeal and modern trends to bring your personal look home. Pairing eye catching design with features like stain resistant performance fabric, Ashley offers well crafted, affordable pieces built to stand up to real life. Plus they provide fast, reliable white glove delivery right to your door. Visit your local Ashley store or head to Ashley.com to find your style.

[Chris Fleming]

Hi, my name is Chris Fleming and I feel in the constant threat of physical danger being Conan o' Brien's face.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you should. And you should. Chris Fleming. Fall is here.

[Eduardo Perez]

Hear the yell Back to school Ring.

[Conan O'Brien]

The bell Brand new shoes Walking blues Climb the fence Books and pens I can tell that we are gonna be.

[Chris Fleming]

Friends.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hey there. Welcome to Conan o'. Brien. Needs a friend. Joined by my squad. Sonam Afsesian, Matt Gourley. How you guys doing?

[Chris Fleming]

Hi.

[Matt Gourley]

I'm good.

[Conan O'Brien]

We're good. As you know, I am confounded by the world around me. Yeah, so much has changed so rapidly and I, like a lot of people, find myself sometimes going down an Instagram hole. Really? And I think a lot of people do that. But I found sometimes that, oh my God, I just lost 20 minutes of my life. And I have very specific interests. I mean I'm a Beatles fanatic, but I also love guitar. I love, there are these different vintage Batman clips from the 60s. So Instagram is starting to know me and they're firing these different ads at me and a lot of them are for, oh, here's a cool little mini guitar neck that you can take on an airplane flight so you can practice chord shapes and it connects to your phone. And the magic is all these ads that I get sucked into are very tempting cause everything's about like $48 or you know, it's all an amount where you think, oh, that's harmless. It's a water pick that can go in your back pocket that, you know, cleans your teeth. And it's takes an AA battery. Everything takes like a AA battery. So I. I don't know. They're starting to figure out who I am. Instagram. I say they, but Instagram, the. The algorithm is figuring out who I am. And so this is very disturbing. Lately I started getting bombarded with these ads for something that converts any bottle in your car into something that you can urinate into. And it. And so if you'. If you're driving and you're stuck in LA traffic, as one can be, you can snap this thing onto the mouth of an empty bottle and it fits snugly over your equipment. And yeah, there's also a vibrate mode. Hello. Hello? No, no, it's just for urinating into a bottle. And I don't have that problem anything. But I keep getting this ad and I'm thinking, what about me? Screams I. I need to urinate into a bottle in my.

[Eduardo Perez]

It would have to be what you're watching on Instagram.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know, but I mean, you're watching piss content. I'm not. I swear to God I'm not. I don't know why this is coming after me and everything else that I get. A lot of it's guitar stuff and a lot of it's. They know I like kind of gadgety things. Your phone also listens to you. So maybe if you just said once, I really have to use the bathroom.

[Eduardo Perez]

Or I'm really into peeing in the bottles.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Or maybe. Who's the guy in the Aviator again that Leonardo DiCaprio played?

[Conan O'Brien]

Howard Hughes.

[Matt Gourley]

Howard Hughes, Remember Hughes?

[Conan O'Brien]

He saved his urine.

[Matt Gourley]

He just saved his urine. Maybe you come off as the urine saving guy.

[Conan O'Brien]

Maybe you're possible.

[Matt Gourley]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm open to. I'm not defensive on this topic at all. I didn't know if it was an ageist thing because I'm not the youngest one in the room right now. And I didn't know if it's that, but doesn't. Did you say but? I don't recall. I'm not the kind of person. Eduardo, that's a fair point that your phone is listening to you, but I don't think I've ever said, God, I love bottle urinating, you know, and I don't. I'm not someone who perpetually complains about I've got to urinate a lot because I don't think I do. So what is it about me? What triggered this?

[Matt Gourley]

Maybe it's the music you always look at.

[Conan O'Brien]

Like, my favorite band is pee Pee party. It's true. Pee party.

[Matt Gourley]

Like guitars. Maybe they think you're a musician who's on the road a lot, and then a lot of people who are on the road a lot pee in bottles. I mean, tack used to tell me a lot of his bandmates used to pee in bottles. Oh, God, they're going to be so mad I said that.

[Eduardo Perez]

The worst part is that we're all going to get this algorithm now.

[Conan O'Brien]

We're all going to get bottle pissed. My phone right now. I just heard my phone. My phone. My phone is sitting on the desk and I just heard it go, h. Got it. I was like, what was that, phone?

[Chris Fleming]

Nothing.

[Conan O'Brien]

Proceeded. Proceed.

[Chris Fleming]

Pee pee, man.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, phone. I don't want you listening to me.

[Chris Fleming]

No problem. Better make up with your wife.

[Conan O'Brien]

For what?

[Chris Fleming]

This morning you seemed kind of testy.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, phone. See you in the Steele dossier. Yeah, yeah, I love my phone. Just listening and making little kind of like Iago in othello comments like, oh.

[Chris Fleming]

Well, ooh, that's a juicy one.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's that, phone?

[Chris Fleming]

Nothing. Why don't you get back to your podcasting, Mr. Wee Wee?

[Conan O'Brien]

Jesus. IPhone. Take it easy.

[Chris Fleming]

Maybe I'm not an iPhone. We don't want to alienate other carriers and manufacturers.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God, you're right. You're right. Thank you. Nondescript phone.

[Matt Gourley]

I love that even your phone cares about our sponsors.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know. Stupid.

[Chris Fleming]

Tanisha's going to be furious. Tanisha's working with another phone company right now.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, okay, phone. Just take it easy.

[Chris Fleming]

By the way, you should get that cough looked after.

[Conan O'Brien]

What?

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, my God. So stupid.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, you screwballs, settle down. It's the 1940s. See? Hey, my guest today is a hilarious comedian who's currently on tour, and tickets are available@chris flemingflemming.com. what can I say? I love this gentleman. Thrilled he's here today. Chris Fleming, welcome. I have some things to say about this man and vice versa. First of all, hey, this is my.

[Chris Fleming]

Podcast, which means I speak and you say nothing.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now, let's start the interview. Every time. I've been a fan of this guy a long time, and there's something about you. You are catnip to me. Whenever I see this guy, I immediately walk up, grab you by the arm.

[Chris Fleming]

You walk up.

[Conan O'Brien]

What do I do?

[Chris Fleming]

Well, his prey drive kicks in. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

If I don't see him first, I get warned that flanny from Largo at a party, he said, chris, I think Conan spotted you. You better get out of here.

[Conan O'Brien]

You better get out of here and make it quick.

[Chris Fleming]

And he may look like my paternal grandma, but he's strong, especially when he's got a little white wine in him.

[Conan O'Brien]

It fortifies him.

[Chris Fleming]

And outside of when he's got no stage makeup on, he's featureless, so you can't even see. See him coming. It's like a land formation that looks like a human being. And then all of a sudden, he's coming at me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now people are going to think this is a bit.

[Chris Fleming]

It's not.

[Conan O'Brien]

It is true that anytime it started, I believe I invited you to my Christmas party.

[Chris Fleming]

And as a bit. Because everyone is way more famous than me there. It's like Tom Hanks. You have, like, Halliburton executives there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Whoa. I'm big with Halliburton people. And to make people from the defense. The landmine people are there. The people that manufacture them, not the people that are trying to stop them.

[Chris Fleming]

One of the Castros there, I think.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, we used to have both Castros till Fidel died.

[Chris Fleming]

But, you know, to make me feel comfortable, because I was. And, like, it's also like a bunch of realtors, I think, there to make me feel comfortable.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

Conan will be like, I just invited you to be kind. I don't actually want you here. And then he'll grab me by the waist and drag me down his long hallway and throw me out the door.

[Conan O'Brien]

I always. Physically. Because I have a thing with you where I think you're one of my brothers. The brother I should have had.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, that's.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're right.

[Chris Fleming]

Neil instead of Neil.

[Conan O'Brien]

I should have. I should have. I feel like I have that relationship with you, and I have no right to think that, but I have no problem laying hands on you, dragging you out of my house and throwing you out of the house. And then you, of course, scuttle back in. Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

And you do it also not just so in the house. Everyone's like, ha, ha. Conan's doing his bits, but he does it in public. So he did it in Texas.

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

We were. We were in Austin. Yeah, we were in Austin, and there was a Four Seasons Hotel. And I'm standing up in front, and all of a sudden, this big. It was. What's the big festival they have there?

[Chris Fleming]

South by Southwest.

[Conan O'Brien]

South by Southwest. I was doing something there. And then I get back to the hotel, and I'm waiting to go to the airport or something. And this car pulls up and you're the chauffeur in this story.

[Chris Fleming]

No, no, I was under it like Cape Fear in a tankini. And he sees me and he just starts.

[Conan O'Brien]

The door opens and Chris Fleming steps out. And I'm there at a hotel and there's tons of people around. The minute he. I don't even know he's gonna be there, he steps out and I instantly grabbed you.

[Chris Fleming]

I just say, oh, no. And I don't even say hi.

[Conan O'Brien]

I grabbed him and started to drag him down the long driveway of the Four Seasons Hotel in Austin while yelling.

[Chris Fleming]

Security, get him out of here. And security in Austin, they're not improv trained. They didn't go through the ground range. So they're kind of coming up. Cause I look like might be an issue to you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, of course.

[Chris Fleming]

I look like a super fan in Omaha or something.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

Who wants. Who really thinks we're connected?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Hey, take it easy. I'm sensing more anger than excitement there and then.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. And then that happens at parties. And then the thing is, at parties, I'm genuinely running from you and you're coming at me.

[Conan O'Brien]

You really. At Sarah Silverman's, you saw me and you took off, and I took off after you.

[Chris Fleming]

I had to put my drinks down.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, he had two drinks. He had to put them down. And today you walked into the podcast with a tea and whatever that is again, I'm always double forced guava berry extract. And you put them both. I said put him down. Put him down. Because I'm a kind attacker. I let him put his drinks down.

[Chris Fleming]

Then he started crawling.

[Conan O'Brien]

You started crawling?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, because you're so high up. It's. It's like. It's what you're supposed to do when the birds come for you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Chris Fleming]

Or a nuclear bomb when they come from the sky.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Duck and cover. Duck and cover.

[Chris Fleming]

And what did you tell me at that party as I'm running by like Olivia Wilde being like, excuse me, I don't remember.

[Conan O'Brien]

What did I.

[Chris Fleming]

You said, I want to make a, like a pillow, a life size pillow out of you so I can thrash it around in the yard.

[Matt Gourley]

What do you do? What's wrong with you?

[Conan O'Brien]

I want a full life size Chris Fleming pillow. And I would just attack it like a. Like a rottweiler and be like. Stuffing would be flying out of it. Because stuffing flies out of him when you shake him. Oh, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

Out of my nostrils.

[Conan O'Brien]

I gotta say some nice things really quickly. You'll be uncomfortable. But let's do this.

[Chris Fleming]

Let's mute my mic.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. Chris Fleming, number of years ago, my young children, who are very good finders of great comedy, they come to me and they say, dad, you have to watch this guy.

[Chris Fleming]

And I'm like, leave me alone. I'm signing eight by tens to myself.

You're doing a lot of online gambling, too, at this point.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was online gambling, and that's why I had to sell more 8 by tens, not even 8 by 11, I would say. There's this character named Gale Waters. Waters. You have to see it. And my wife and I start watching them. We become addicted. One of the greatest, most fully realized characters I've seen. Just looking at these YouTube clips, I'm blown away. Then I find out that you're doing a show at Largo. And so I go and I see your show, and I'm. I can't get enough. I'm addicted to this Chris Fleming fool.

[Chris Fleming]

And when you come to my shows, he always texts me, asking if there's a helipad that he can land on.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm always saying that.

[Chris Fleming]

And he says, I don't want to be conspicuous. And then he's in the audience, rotisserie style.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Are you ever worried he's going to.

[Eduardo Perez]

Rush the stage and try to tackle you?

[Conan O'Brien]

He puts up.

[Chris Fleming]

Your wife told me that you are kind of like a bull wanting to get out.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want to charge the stage.

[Chris Fleming]

The fact that you're a ham, it does surprise. I don't think I have that as much as you do. When you see a stage, you want to be on it.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm enraged. I can see a fantastic production of, you know, like, with the biggest, greatest Broadway stars of, you know, Hamlet. And I'll be in the audience.

[Chris Fleming]

Why aren't I up there?

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you know any of Hamlet? No.

[Chris Fleming]

You want to do Hamlet on Broadway?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Chris Fleming]

You could be Ophelia wandering around.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, I could. Yeah. Tackling people. Did Ophelia do that? Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I see your show. Love that. And then I start watching all of your. I know you retired Gale Waters. Waters, but you made this ad that had me crying for a car. Remember that? Oh, oh, oh.

[Chris Fleming]

The Crandelier.

[Conan O'Brien]

The Crandelier. 2022 Crandelier, which is a car. And you had terrible animation for it. Yeah. And it was a car that wouldn't exist. Shouldn't exist.

[Chris Fleming]

I made it out of, like, PVC piping from Home Depot. I spent, like, a day in Home Depot building the Crandelier and the Crandolier.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is just this terrible car that. No, it's way too big. Right. It's shaped. It's badly shaped.

[Chris Fleming]

It's, I think, two and a half lanes, and you have to lie face down in it like a seal. And I don't. I forget.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then I find out that you made this pilot that was looking for a home, and I. Yeah, you did. You sent me the pilot, and I wanted sos.

[Chris Fleming]

Help me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Help me. So I watched the pilot, and that in so many places, had me crying specifically for no reason. Your character, when he decides to run, runs backwards for no reason. And there's a callback to it later on where you see, like, a giant moon and you see a silhouette of you running backwards when he's traumatized. When he's traumatized and he runs across the moonscape. And I just thought, why? How is it that he and I don't live on an island together? Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

And it will come down, do this foolishness.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because I'm doing it off the coast of Oregon. I'm doing it for my staff. I'm doing it. I'm doing it to my staff, to my family, and everyone's rolling their eyes and saying, please go away. And there's this other person out there who's doing this absolute foolishness.

[Chris Fleming]

Your twin flame. And you also tried to save that show and send it to Netflix, and that guy who then tried to get it sent up got fired immediately.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, really?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. I like getting people fired. And so I'm a massive fan. And what I will say. And then I go on to see your. You did a standup tour, and I went and saw your standup, and I'm just following this guy around. I can't say enough. Good about your work. And one of the things I want to say before we get really stupid again is I cannot think of another comedian that I've seen who comes up who's so prolific at instantly coming up with amazing references and images. It's. You're like a savant.

[Chris Fleming]

What about Ornie Adams?

[Conan O'Brien]

Better. Better.

[Chris Fleming]

Thank you, Conan. Thank you very much.

[Conan O'Brien]

Better.

[Chris Fleming]

You're very sweet.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can't even say his name now. I'd vomit.

[Chris Fleming]

You're very sweet to me.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, you're just. Just. The things that you say are little crystalline gems that come shooting out of your mouth. I'm like, what. How does. How are you able to do that? I. I've always sort of prided myself on being able to come up with things quickly.

[Chris Fleming]

And then I hear way fast. Oh, my God, the things you must say in your car when you're driving.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God.

[Chris Fleming]

Cruising down the 134 blasting Larry Mantle and Buena Vista Social Club.

[Matt Gourley]

There he goes.

[Conan O'Brien]

There he goes.

[Chris Fleming]

I can't only imagine the things your dashboard has heard, but thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

My dashboard is in therapy. Anyway.

[Chris Fleming]

You know what you're like? You're like the mob. You're like the Boston Mafia when they break your arm and then they. And they give you the cash to pay for it, you know?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. That's what I always do.

[Chris Fleming]

Once you thrash me around, then I say. And then you say incredibly sweet things.

[Conan O'Brien]

But now we're back to the thrashing.

[Chris Fleming]

You monster.

[Conan O'Brien]

I. First of all, I think we have some bond that comes from. You're from Stowe, Massachusetts, Correct. I'm from Brookline. And there's a Massachusetts thing. I don't know what it is. Do you have any insight into that?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. Our bond is that we're too wiggly for Massachusetts. And the fact that we. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Chris Fleming]

The fact that we acknowledge our hips.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's all about planting your feet and letting all that chowder settle.

[Chris Fleming]

And.

[Conan O'Brien]

Then. You know what I mean? And then socks. All that. And then you and I are these wiggle worms. People are always comparing me to those socks that.

[Chris Fleming]

At the car.

[Conan O'Brien]

At a car sale thing, you know, car lot that are going. And you are, too. You are a wiggling worm. Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

That's why, you know, I think Massachusetts. If they could have a time machine, the one thing they would change, they would stop Elvis from shaking his hips.

[Conan O'Brien]

And wear our Boston Red Sox cap.

[Chris Fleming]

That's right.

[Conan O'Brien]

And don't sing so much.

[Chris Fleming]

That's right.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just talk about the Red Sox. You.

[Chris Fleming]

You probably. You probably at least know a little bit about the Boston Red Sox, right?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

No, I.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you know absolutely nothing.

[Chris Fleming]

No, no, no, no. Like, even growing up, like, the jocks were like this, like, he needs a conservatorship for me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Those are good jocks that know conservatorship. Yeah. Hey, that guy needs a conservatorship. It should be legally placed codicil in his parents will. Who is this guy? He's an idiot about everything but conservatorships.

[Chris Fleming]

The Duh. Duh.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow, he's really stupid. Conservatorships as set down in Massachusetts state law section. Do you.

[Chris Fleming]

There's that Harvard education coming out.

[Conan O'Brien]

It wasn't that I had this before Harvard. They made me stupider. Tell me a little bit about young Chris Fleming. What is it about your origin story that Creates this fellow that's sitting across from me drinking way too many liquids self consciously.

[Chris Fleming]

Well, I don't like the praise is freaking me out.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, okay. We'll get past that.

[Chris Fleming]

Okay. What I mean, okay. First, growing up with women, that was the big one. That's how this happens.

[Conan O'Brien]

You had a lot of women in your life and that.

[Chris Fleming]

I think I was raised, you know, almost in within Massachusetts to have that kind of. I was raised to be more feminine or whatever.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

And the masculine was kind of. It was, it was do not.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Chris Fleming]

Do not go there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Chris Fleming]

And so I think that's how we start.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. You start with surrounded by women.

[Chris Fleming]

Then I get into Michael Flatley.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. Is everyone out there listening? These are rules to be a comedy genius. A lot of women around you and then lots of Michael Flatley.

[Chris Fleming]

So much so that I. Okay. I had a poster of Michael Flatley up in my. It's like.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you really? Is this real?

[Chris Fleming]

Totally real. Less a poster, more something I printed out from my computer and then put.

[Conan O'Brien]

It up and more of a mosaic you made over a six year period.

[Chris Fleming]

Do we know Michael Flatley? Oh, yeah, of course.

[Conan O'Brien]

The lord of the day.

[Eduardo Perez]

Do we love Michael Flat?

[Chris Fleming]

You know he's from Chicago. I didn't know.

[Conan O'Brien]

No.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. It's like, it's like finding out guys, Italian.

[Matt Gourley]

Stop.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, he's Italian.

[Chris Fleming]

It's so funny.

[Conan O'Brien]

And he's also.

[Chris Fleming]

He's not. No, I.

[Conan O'Brien]

He's also Native American.

[Matt Gourley]

I thought he was from Ireland.

[Chris Fleming]

You would think. I did some. Anyway, so he comes out on stage. I. I see river dance live. He comes out within seconds. Exhibits every cluster B personality disorder that, that there is. I mean, this. The way that he's peacocking around, I've never seen anything like it. And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

So you wanted to be a dancer?

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, yeah, big time.

[Conan O'Brien]

So surrounded by women and satio's, you see Michael Flatley and you light up.

[Chris Fleming]

Light up. I try to do Irish step dance in my bedroom, tear my meniscus. I have to go under six months of physical therapy.

[Eduardo Perez]

For real?

[Chris Fleming]

For real.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you tell people it was from trying to do an Irish step dance in your bedroom or did you tell them football injury?

[Chris Fleming]

No, it was incredibly. No. Everyone knew my. Everyone knew I wasn't going near the football field.

[Eduardo Perez]

Is this a lingering injury or can you dance now?

[Chris Fleming]

My right is a little. I can still dance. The doctor told me I would never dance again. Which you proved that in massage. They love to give you a grim prognosis. I got diagnosed as red, green, colorblind. Also, I am kindergarten.

[Eduardo Perez]

Really?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. You know, it's only men that get it.

[Eduardo Perez]

Yes, I do know that.

[Chris Fleming]

He told me that I would never go into space. I'm in kindergarten.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

He's like, you're never.

[Conan O'Brien]

You'll never go.

[Chris Fleming]

I can never go into space.

[Conan O'Brien]

I told you, you'll never go into space.

[Chris Fleming]

You can't fly planes.

[Eduardo Perez]

You can't go in the Air Force. Same thing happened to my airplane.

[Chris Fleming]

You gotta stay terrestrial. I'm. I'm. I'm on land.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

And space. So it's like, okay. One of three jobs I'm aware of is no longer an option.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. Yes.

[Chris Fleming]

I'll go be a cowgirl there.

[Conan O'Brien]

You should have told him. My dream is to be a flying dancer. A pilot who dances while he flies the plane. I'm telling you, that's not gonna happen.

[Chris Fleming]

Flying dancer is a really sexy name for something, like a soft rock album.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

Flying dancer.

[Conan O'Brien]

But okay by Toto.

[Chris Fleming]

So that I went to what you're describing, actually about me.

[Conan O'Brien]

I got him. Sometimes I just make little noises. I did this on my wife's. My first date with my wife. We get in the car together, and we're in, like, a cab or something, and I just said, yeah, we're gonna go to 30. You know, whatever. 35th and Broadway. And I went. And Liza didn't know me that well. And she was like, huh? And I went, yeah, you can. This is a good way to go. And then I was.

[Chris Fleming]

She wasn't laughing.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. She just said she was looking for the doorbell. Oh, my God. And I thought I. I should present who I really am up front. And I was doing all these muttering bits in the car, which you know all too well. Sona.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And she just did the eeriest thing. She just pretended it wasn't happening. And anyway, so I don't know why I threw one of those in there. I don't think I've done that much on the podcast. But you're talking, and I'm like, yeah, I'm too comfortable. Go ahead, keep chomping.

[Chris Fleming]

No, keep making sounds. Oh, they hate.

[Conan O'Brien]

What you eating there, buddy?

[Chris Fleming]

Boba, you want some of this? I got Nikki Glaser into this. It's like whoever got Miles Davis in a heroin. Who was it? I think it was Buble. Michael Buble.

[Conan O'Brien]

Buble on Boba. On Boba.

[Chris Fleming]

People are going to be really. People get really sensitive about chewing about sounds like, Michael. Michael Booble is on Boba. Michael Bubles.

[Conan O'Brien]

Bob you know who's also on it?

[Chris Fleming]

Boba Fett.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now we're talking. I saw Nikki Glaser recently do a.

[Chris Fleming]

Show and I was, he's way off.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then I said to someone, is.

[Chris Fleming]

She on Boba now?

You want to hit this, Conan?

[Conan O'Brien]

You gonna look okay, Another thing, in three days, I'm one year off. Boba.

[Chris Fleming]

Another thing about this, get it away from me. My friend who's a comic, Jake.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, I know comics, too. He said, my friend, he's a comic. Oh, I feel threatened all the time. He had a story. I'm not just kidding.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm not just giving the professions of friends for no reason.

[Conan O'Brien]

My friend is a dancing pilot. He'll never be one.

[Chris Fleming]

He told me. He was like, I used to be impressed by what you do. And then I. But you have for Boba. And I go, I could do that too, if you had this every day.

[Conan O'Brien]

So were you chewing on one of the little Bubba Boba bubbles?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm chewing on the Boba bubbles.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sona, you and I share many things in common, but one is that we love mysteries. We love true crime. And frankly, I love me some murder.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah, I love any crime, really. I love fraud. I love.

[Conan O'Brien]

You do love fraud. You love to commit fraud. You've committed fraud on me many times.

[Matt Gourley]

That's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

I have to say, when it comes to true crime podcasts, there's one that really delivers. It's called Crime Junkie. And I don't even have to say it's called Crime Junkie. Everyone knows it's Crime Junkie.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Every week, the queen of true crime, Ashley Flowers, who I love talking to, by the way.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

She dives into a new case, some well known, others you've never heard of. And she tells it with the kind of storytelling that makes you feel like you're right there with her. Which is terrifying because she's often talking about things where you don't want to be right there with her.

[Matt Gourley]

That's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. I feel like I'm with you committing this murder, Ashley. But no, it's really great. There are hundreds of episodes of Crime Junkie already waiting for you. New cases covered every Monday. So listen to Crime Junkie. Wherever you listen to podcasts, your home.

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[Podcast Promo Announcer]

I love the Lonely island and Seth Meyers podcast. And you will, too, because every week, Seth sits down with fellow SNL alum and comedy music sensations the Lonely island to discuss their wildly popular and groundbreaking series of SNL digital shorts that aired on Saturday Night live beginning in 2005. Now, I was a super fan of those shorts. It made me tune back into snl. And now each week, we get to go on a deep dive to discuss how each short was created because it was such a limited period of time. And does it still even have impact to this day? And the answer is, oftentimes, yes. You know, aided by Seth, the guys will relive their time at snl because they were all there together. Okay. This is a time when, honestly, putting a Internet sketch online was a big deal, and the Lonely island were at the forefront of that. Listen to new episodes of the Seth Meyers and Lonely island podcast every Tuesday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere else podcasts are found.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is fascinating to me. You grow up surrounded by women. Michael Flatley, Torn aclu, and I would.

[Chris Fleming]

Go to plays like, what? You would. What you're saying is exactly what I felt like as a child, going to musicals and seeing the comic relief. And I go, oh, that leg work I could do. I could get 80% more laughs.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Chris Fleming]

By moving my legs a certain way. And my legs have. I don't know if your body has this. My legs have a different brain on stage. When I'm like, oh, yeah, they kick in. It's like, no, I think. I'm not thinking. And my leg, My leg body, my leg mind is all over the map. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

So you. When do you get it? What's your first experience with comedy? You're doing improv, you're doing sketches. You're doing standup. What are you doing? What are you doing?

[Chris Fleming]

Musicals. And then, well, pre. Okay, preschool. It was a silent play. Peter Rabbit. I played Farmer McGregor. And I was super shy, but I wouldn't stop talking. That pesky rabbit we gotta get. I was counting tomatoes. Blah, blah, blah. Okay. Farmer McGregor, do they tell you you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don'T really need to talk?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, let's keep it down.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

So that was the first. That was the first sign of that impulse.

[Conan O'Brien]

You got the bug.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, I got the bug. And then I started making videos with my friends in high school.

[Conan O'Brien]

See, this is the thing that I think is miraculous about this New era. People like to bitch and moan about this new world we're in, Social media and all the ills. I think it's been a godsend in a lot of ways for people like you because you didn't have to compromise at all. No. When you started making your videos, you were going for 120%. Chris Fleming, like it or don't. None of my business. Not I'm gonna cajole you into liking me. There was no sense of neediness coming off of it. It was, this is me being funny in the way I like to be funny. And if you're out there and you like this, cool. And I think you've just been. Like I said, you're a really hard worker, you're very prolific, you're wildly creative, and you could just put this out in the purest form yourself. That was not possible.

[Chris Fleming]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can you imagine the world if, you know, you came along in the 1960s or 70s?

[Chris Fleming]

I'd be the Unabomber.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, you'd be the Unabomber. And you know what? That would have been pretty good, too.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, yeah, I would have done it. Cute.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, you'd have been. I mean, the letters you wrote wouldn't have been all about our sick society. Would have been more like funny bits.

[Chris Fleming]

I'd be one of those guys that steals tropical fish from a store or something, you know, and then does something. Remember in Maine when that guy there was like, a hermit who would go in and break into. Remember that? Yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

There was a guy who lived in Maine as a hermit. He just decided to. He just parked his car and walked into the woods and then basically walked around and broke into vacation homes on the winter and lived in the woods. I read a book about him recently. Really fascinating. Yeah, there's a book on him. It was great. It was a short read. Really good. And he was in the. And then they finally caught him breaking into a house after 15, 20 years of living.

[Eduardo Perez]

He was taking people's fish.

[Conan O'Brien]

He was taking.

[Chris Fleming]

No, he.

Was he just living there?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, he would. He would stay there, he'd get their food, and then he'd live in the woods and he'd.

[Chris Fleming]

He live off, like, panko and stuff. Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, okay. I don't see a problem.

[Conan O'Brien]

I didn't see this.

[Chris Fleming]

I didn't see victimless crime.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm going to say I didn't see this detour coming.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I didn't prepare.

[Chris Fleming]

I was trying to imagine what would happen if I didn't have access to WI Fi to Upload my stuff. I'm just trying to envision that. What do you think would have happened to me? I would have been boned. Maybe if they rebooted MADtv for, like, daily Motion or something.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't think. I don't know. I don't know what would have happened. I think about this for myself. I think about this all the time, which is put me in a world where there is no place to be a total maniac, and I'm a babbling idiot in a field. And my job in Ireland is to place the stones and build a stone wall. And I'm saying, yeah, I'll put up a stone in the stone wall. But first I'm Stonewally McStonerton. Look at me now. Oh, Macaulay McSton.

[Chris Fleming]

Now I'm his. His evil boss. Oh, yes. His evil boss.

[Conan O'Brien]

And people just being.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm his dead wife.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I'm his dead wife. She died a year ago. The milk sickness. Oh, I married the milk sickness.

[Chris Fleming]

Pay me respects. You would act out in a very public way.

[Conan O'Brien]

I would act out, which is what I used to do.

[Chris Fleming]

You still do.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know it's a problem.

[Chris Fleming]

It's an unscratchable itch that you have.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Chris Fleming]

Which is good.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why?

[Chris Fleming]

Because it makes you continue to be fun.

[Conan O'Brien]

I hope so.

[Chris Fleming]

Even though you. You would think, See, if I were you, I would imagine I'd be tired.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, it's.

[Chris Fleming]

You are so energized.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm energized.

[Chris Fleming]

You have so much physical kinetic energy.

[Conan O'Brien]

But I'm curious. There are two kinds of comedians. The ones that are themselves always. I have that disease. And then there are the ones that are brilliantly funny, but if you talk to them when they're not, they're really sullen. They're like, yeah, okay, well, I better get up. And then they get up there and it's really great. You strike me as more my type.

[Chris Fleming]

But I'm not as. I'm not as wild as you, I don't think, in my daily life. But I. I don't see a dis. That much of a distinction. I definitely. Part of my on stage stuff is me responding to the stress of being on stage and then using that emotion to then kind of react a certain way and using that energy. So it's. It is heightened. Absolutely right. But I don't see a line between that. You know, come nightfall, I'm not different than I. Than I was during the day.

[Conan O'Brien]

Are you medicated?

[Chris Fleming]

No. You would think I probably should be.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is me Medicated. Oh, wow. And it's like, I don't know. I do feel like they shot me with horse tranquilizer. I'd be like, horse tranquilizer. Right. Hit me again, Doc.

[Chris Fleming]

And you also with fans are doing full heralds out in the streets.

[Conan O'Brien]

Full bits.

[Chris Fleming]

You're doing bits everywhere. Yeah, Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I had to be stopped. Cause I went with Liza and the kids up to see Liza's in laws and we went to this place that's called like Snoqualmie. And there's a place like Squamish Lake. And I'm like, mm, squamish about Squamish. And I'm talking to people and I'm doing bits for people. And my son just went, please stop. He said it like Lurch on the Addams Family.

[Chris Fleming]

Your son, who is so composed.

[Conan O'Brien]

He's so composed.

[Chris Fleming]

He's so composed.

[Conan O'Brien]

And who adores you, by the way, thinks you're really. Thinks you're funny.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. Which also makes you mad. Also, I saw. Enrages me, I think also sometimes. Is it. Are you ever doing bits in public where people don't quite recognize? I mean, you're obviously so recognizable, but on this. I saw a video.

[Conan O'Brien]

It doesn't matter if someone doesn't recognize. I don't care.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't matter.

[Conan O'Brien]

They're gonna get. They're gonna get whatever sick thing is in.

[Chris Fleming]

Saw a video of you at a music festival.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

You look like Reese Witherspoon in Wild, you know, like you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, that was what I was going for.

[Chris Fleming]

It was incredible.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I took my daughter to a music.

[Chris Fleming]

Festival and I think you had trench foot in there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I did. It was a big field and I'm.

[Eduardo Perez]

You look good.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, thank you.

[Chris Fleming]

What is that? Like when you're there, when you're at the music festival.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mostly am stunned by how much older I am than everybody. It's stunning. It is absolutely stunning. Because everyone there is 20, 21, 22. And then there is me, who towering who voted for Eisenhower in an election. And I. I'm just. Nothing will make you feel older as a dad than going to a music festival. And I'm also thinking, like, how come.

[Chris Fleming]

Known these ladies are wearing pants?

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don't they get cold at night? Yes.

[Chris Fleming]

I've started feeling.

[Conan O'Brien]

Put on some pants.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know. So I never see you being that way. I think you're always gonna be.

[Chris Fleming]

When a young person doesn't have their midriff out, they're Republican.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Chris Fleming]

That's what it's.

[Conan O'Brien]

So here's my question. So are you more wood sprite? Are you elf? Are you a phantasm? What are you? Are you a creature made of leaves?

[Chris Fleming]

I mean, what are you in this boucle? I'm all of the above in the boucle.

[Conan O'Brien]

I have a question for the room. Has any guest moved the chair around more than Chris Fleming? You have.

[Eduardo Perez]

No, not since you.

[Conan O'Brien]

I move it a lot.

[Eduardo Perez]

Yeah, I think you do.

[Chris Fleming]

You know, in heat, you know, it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Didn'T move at all.

[Chris Fleming]

Pacino.

Okay, but you know when Pacino and De Niro are talking and he. In the diner.

Yeah.

And De Niro's moving a little bit in case Pacino takes out the cuffs.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yep.

[Chris Fleming]

That's what I'm doing. Because I know you're coming for me.

Here's my situation. I'm on the downside of a marriage.

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's the.

[Chris Fleming]

What's the normal life to you? Barbecues and ball games. Yeah, I watch that on loop.

That works both ways. If I see you coming, maybe I gotta put you down.

And there's another flip side to that coin. Yeah, if you see me see you coming, I'm gonna put me down.

But if I see you coming towards me, if I see you and you're headed towards me about to put yourself down, I may have to come over to where you are and put myself down. So I'm down before you, and there's.

Another side of that lake.

Wait, we're on a lake now?

Okay, if I see you seeing me thinking about putting yourself down, I'm gonna draft up my own suicide pact that I'm gonna have you sign so that I. I can put you down.

Why you breaking. Why you laughing? This is a serious matter. Let me tell you. There's a flip flop side to this flip flop. Okay, we're gonna look at the other side of the onion. Now we're inside the volcano looking out.

Okay.

If I see you headed my way and you're gonna put yourself down on the other side of the lake. Okay, I'm gonna take what you've done. I'm gonna take that note, I'm gonna copy it. I'm gonna put it through chat GPT and submit it to Columbia University.

I'm not sure what chat GPT is, but if I.

Is a flip flop.

[Conan O'Brien]

Side, I have the same thing. I think we're probably obsessed with the same moments in movies where. Just that.

[Chris Fleming]

Where Pacino needs notes but isn't getting them.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, exactly.

[Chris Fleming]

Come on. It's like, well, if he weren't Pacino, they would say, hey, let's dial that back a little bit.

[Conan O'Brien]

He has a crazy shout in heat.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, I mean, the ass.

[Conan O'Brien]

The ass.

[Chris Fleming]

His eyes bug. I guess it was the Fortune.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can you do it for me? Cause I can't remember the exact.

[Chris Fleming]

I don't even want to try it. But it's Hank Azaria cowering in fear. And he goes, I don't know why I got caught up with that bitch. And then Pacino whips around and goes, cuz she's got her. And he forgets his line for a second. His, his, his eyelids vanish and he goes, great ass.

[Matt Gourley]

Yes.

[Chris Fleming]

You got your head all the way up it.

[Conan O'Brien]

And.

[Chris Fleming]

And Hank is just like.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hank? Yeah. Hank Azaria's head goes back through the chair.

[Chris Fleming]

And that's how Pacino delivered every line in every movie after that. Yeah, just.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't. I will. I'm a. I, I am anything Pacino does. Anything.

[Chris Fleming]

Same.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm with it all the way.

[Chris Fleming]

Me too.

[Conan O'Brien]

He is my favorite actor.

[Chris Fleming]

Me too.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can't take my eyes off of him. I forgive. I don't even forgive it. I think whatever he does is by definition fantastic.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm not gonna.

[Chris Fleming]

He's snapping his fingers, telling his wife why he's gotta stay on the edge.

Well, I gotta be.

Yeah. Kicking the TV out of his car.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

Remember the guy who's hooking up with.

[Conan O'Brien]

His wife and by the way, screen and then listen to this podcast.

[Matt Gourley]

I know I've never seen it, so I'm not. Spoiler alert.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's so good.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, it's like the climax of Heat is him kicking a TV out of his car in downtown LA and then blasting the song Ultramarine. Anyway. Yeah, we should watch it together.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen, you took us down another road. There've been a few little cul de sacs. You've taken us down.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I won't stand for it. I want to get us back on track here for a little bit. Pacino made another movie. Any given Sunday.

[Chris Fleming]

See, that's sports related, actually.

[Conan O'Brien]

You have said. You have said that your concern sometimes is that you're not weird enough. That's a quote of yours. And I'm here to tell you, sir, fear not. Fear not. I'm here. I want you to have me on speed dial. And whenever you have that fear, call me and I will talk to you.

[Chris Fleming]

You dirty little freak. Yeah, I do. You know what I mean by that when I say, like, it's not.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Well, my. Your fear is you might catch your reflection when you're doing something slightly that's hacky or you feel like. This was my first thought. It wasn't my third thought.

[Chris Fleming]

No, you know, I do. First thought. I do. I'm fully impulsive. I don't. I don't go. I don't. I don't have more than one.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Chris Fleming]

I just kind of boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. But it's like. I think it was starting on standup in such a esoteric little club in Cambridge. Everyone was so freaky that I, as a child, felt I started in high school doing standup. And so I felt kind of inadequate around the weirdos, the true weirdos.

[Conan O'Brien]

You felt that you were not freaky enough.

[Chris Fleming]

That's right.

[Conan O'Brien]

When you were starting out. That blows my mind. I want to meet these other people. I want to meet these other.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Tribbles. Just imagine little fuzzy people with one eyeball, single leg that comes out. Boing, oing. You're not weird enough. Chris Fleming.

[Chris Fleming]

They're building crafts.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. We must go back to our planet now.

[Chris Fleming]

It's seaworthy. No, no, they want to go. They're building a ship.

[Conan O'Brien]

They're building a ship. Very nice. Yeah, yeah, that's. And so you start to do. Here's the. I had this experience when I went to sea your show. Your standup show here in LA at the Wilshire Ebel. At the Wilshire Ebel. Yeah. And I went to see it, and I'm walking in. We park, my wife and my kids are walking towards the theater, and we see all these people who you could just tell are here to see Chris Fleming. And I mean that in the nicest way. They're really creative. Everybody's. Everyone was on the exact same frequency. And we all packed this theater. I'm assuming that you start out in Massachusetts and you have your years in the wilderness, but when you do these shows now and the place is packed with people that are hanging on every word and you can't do anything that's gonna be off putting to them. That's gotta be an incredible.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh. Oh, yeah. No, it's sensational. It's like. Yeah. To be held like that and almost everywhere. Not Philadelphia is pretty rough on me, but everywhere else is.

[Conan O'Brien]

They're rough on everyone. They will throw a battery at you if they don't like what you're doing.

[Chris Fleming]

It's crazy. Philadelphia. But I was just there. But no, it's unbelievable. And there's a part of me that's like. It's Almost like it's enough where we're at right now. I kind of just want to retain this. I'm not really too keen necessarily, even on expansion, because I feel like to be seen like that by people and encouraged, it really makes you feel like it's so effortless. It's so beautiful.

[Conan O'Brien]

But there's also. There's this flawed concept that you have to keep.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, this is a really good restaurant. We have to get to the point where there's. There's 18 in every state across the country, and they have to be everywhere. It has to be a franchise, and you need to keep leveling up. And I think there's nothing better than paying your rent, doing the thing that's exactly what you want to do. And because of the world we live in now, like I say, it's not big tent anymore. So it's not Network 1967 where you need. You'll get canceled if you're only 30 million people are watching your show. Oh, my God, what an embarrassment. You got beaten by Mr. Ed last night. You're out.

[Chris Fleming]

No one in Rapid City tuned in.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, exactly. You're done. You're done, kid. And then you're parking cars the next day across the street from Chasen's. That's not the world we're in now. What you need to do is just keep doing what you've been doing.

[Chris Fleming]

Exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's it.

[Chris Fleming]

Exactly. I mean, and it's like there is that, like, American thing in me of, like, expansion or whatever that I don't really feel so much anymore because I have done big rooms that are not my crowds, and to not be seen and not be understood and to not have a curious audience, even though it is massive or whatever, it's a horrifying experience. And so it's really. I'm really, really grateful at just kind of keeping my head down and just keep doing what I'm doing.

[Conan O'Brien]

What is it like for you if you are in front of a crowd, let's say Philly or some town where.

[Chris Fleming]

Philly wasn't that bad.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know you're exaggerating.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

They attacked you three times. That's.

[Chris Fleming]

They did piss me off a bit.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, what do you like when. Yes, I've seen you. When the crowd is right there and everyone's with you, when you're taking your flights of comedic fancy and for some reason they're not going with you, do you try and get them back or do you have a fuck it gene?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, at this point, I'm Like, I don't need to. I'm not gonna try to win anybody over. I would have as a younger person, but I don't feel that anymore. And it gets really it. And I can get a little bitchy. And that can allow you to write jokes that you would not. When you're heightened in an angry way, you can also, your brain can function in a different way. And I. I have found that to be productive in some ways, but it's pretty gruesome. And especially if doing physical stuff, if they're not laughing, I can get locked somewhere. Like, I need the laughs to push. Like, I got stuck in like a half somersault. And because they weren't laughing enough.

[Conan O'Brien]

Defying gravity is what you're saying. You're just frozen in the air.

[Chris Fleming]

No, no, on the ground.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, on the ground. Yeah, on the ground.

[Chris Fleming]

Like in one of these. And I needed the laughs to push me, but they never came.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's the worst. I always think that's up there with. If you do a bit that involves you running out of the room and no one laughs, the walk back is the saddest thing in comedy. You do a bit where you're like, oh, no. Yeah. Woo. I'm out of here. And you run out of the room. It's silence. And then you can hear your shoes squeaking as you walk back in the room. And it's like that.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Anyway, that was good, what you were saying. Just the.

[Chris Fleming]

It's. Do you mean doing this socially or on tape?

[Conan O'Brien]

It's all the same, man. Why. Why draw distinctions?

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, you got a laugh quota every day and you got to film.

[Conan O'Brien]

If you commit to something physical and people aren't there with you.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, it's rigor mortis.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's a true horror show.

[Chris Fleming]

Completely. Completely.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. That's why. Then the only thing to do is go twice as hard.

[Chris Fleming]

But no, but see, I can't. I just. I free.

[Matt Gourley]

So.

[Chris Fleming]

See, that tells you you're in Fight or flight. You fight, I freeze. So if you're mad, you'll go even you'll go more physical. Because you've done so many tapings for so many audiences, you must have a thing in you that you can tap into to go, I need to work. Not in collaboration with this audience, I guess.

[Conan O'Brien]

Maybe. I don't know. Yes. I think it's just called. Yeah, Hours in the Cockpit. But you too. I mean, we both have. We're both in the same situation. The thing I love about your work is that it's. You've Never done one thing that I would have thought of. Not one. I look at you and I think I very much feel a kindred spirit with this fellow and all the stuff you're coming from and your point of view and your physicality is very different from me. And so I can just enjoy it as a fan and I'm just waiting to hear what you come up with next. It's just. That is for me, that's darling.

[Chris Fleming]

That's really darling.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's true.

[Chris Fleming]

I know. I believe you. No, thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's not that true. Set it to fill time.

[Matt Gourley]

We were so close.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can I say one thing? Nothing I've said so far in praise has been true.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah, Yeah, I know.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's all been kind of a bit within a bit.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you notice I was doing this every time I said I really liked your work.

[Chris Fleming]

I, like, feel. I felt something under the little air quotes. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I meant everything I just said 100%. That's what's endlessly fun about watching you do your thing is. And you don't make any concessions in the best way. This is the idea you had.

[Chris Fleming]

Do you think you make concessions? I don't think you make concessions.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think I did. I think there were times in. Yeah, I think there were times in interviews for all those years when I was doing late night where you had a choice sometimes. What's the funniest thing I could do versus what would a good host do? And I would let good host win because I.

[Chris Fleming]

Cause you're not a psychopath.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, let's be careful there. I will say psychopath. I'm a psychopath. Who. Or sociopath. Choose. Or both. Psycho. Sociopath.

[Eduardo Perez]

You know how to pose as someone?

[Chris Fleming]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's it. That's it.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, but I do have. If I'm out with somebody in front of a crowd, I do. I don't want them to get hurt. Does that make sense?

[Chris Fleming]

That's beautiful.

[Conan O'Brien]

Like, I don't want them to get hurt. So there were plenty of times where you could tell, like, it's your job as a host. Which I took really seriously. To take care of this person. Even if you're deep down a sociopath. You. I felt the need to do that and that would make me. It sounds like a selfless thing. It wasn't. It's selfish. I'm not happy if I'm out there with someone who's really unhappy unless they really deserve it. But if they're unhappy, I can't do my thing. It doesn't work.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. I don't see that as selfish. I mean.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. I'm being really strict.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Strictest terms. I get very squeamish when people try and pretend that they're being selfless. When I think. Think. I know. I've really. When people present themselves as selfless, and when you look at it, they're doing it in their own self interest, and so it's not really selfless. I get to preserve your takeover.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, of course.

[Conan O'Brien]

So I just try to be stringent about that.

[Chris Fleming]

I feel the same way.

[Conan O'Brien]

Which means strict. But.

[Chris Fleming]

But the fact that you can do man on the street stuff, I couldn't do that because I don't even like the idea of, like, I. I like being on stage and just a blank black space. Avoid the idea of, like, potentially. I don't know how you do that. Working with other people. Like randos on the street.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

And then they must get uncomfortable occasionally, you know, but you probably are really good at this.

[Conan O'Brien]

They mostly. It's funny, when we do the. All those years of doing the remotes, I always. I think if the other person was really uncomfortable, I don't think we'd end up using them. Yeah, right. Because it now, again, not to be nice, but it probably wouldn't be that good. Now, every now and then, there's someone who. Who deserves every name I get. Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

The clause, the talents.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

What guests do you think have deserved the Conan talent?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, that's for a second podcast we do where there's no microphone. We only had the Pope on once.

[Chris Fleming]

And, boy, was he a prick.

Remember when he texted me after your hot ones the day your hot ones came out?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

It was trending everywhere. And then Conan texts me, he goes, watch my hot ones. I fucking killed that shit.

[Conan O'Brien]

I did. And you know. Cause I went and he did. But you know what I did it for? Well, not to brag.

[Chris Fleming]

No, of course.

[Conan O'Brien]

But my thing is I feel that I'm your tutor, I'm your mentor, and I was trying to show you what a real man does. You know, he's bub blowing.

[Chris Fleming]

And you were.

[Eduardo Perez]

You doing your conservatorship on it, but.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, you would have had a little bite of a wing and then scuttled away and done become a bunch of different characters.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, I wouldn't have been able to take what you did.

Okay. That's what I want to do to a dream.

[Conan O'Brien]

Truly, this whole thing was a sting operation, and I just got it.

[Matt Gourley]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. I would have had A pan. My hot ones beat the hot ones you're going to do in the future.

[Chris Fleming]

In 30 years.

[Conan O'Brien]

In 30 years when you do hot.

[Chris Fleming]

Ones in a hospice. When I'm sundowning.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sean is like a very old man, and he has no lips because he's been eating hot sauce for 40 years.

[Chris Fleming]

No chin.

[Conan O'Brien]

He just has. That's where bone is coming through. He looks like the Red Skull that battled Captain America. He's got pieces of bone coming through.

[Eduardo Perez]

Don't lump me in with every nerd thing.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, you know. You know, I'm not really a marvel guy. You know, like when a bedwetter. You know. Okay, now that I do know. You know, like when someone's like, oh, there's a girl. You know, when people's afraid of cootie's.

[Matt Gourley]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

What are you doing?

[Chris Fleming]

I like cooties.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why are you doing this?

[Matt Gourley]

I don't know. I just felt like we were piling anyway.

[Eduardo Perez]

Piling on like a bullet, you know, when people.

[Matt Gourley]

Of course, like.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know when people pretend to like America, but they don't.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Anyway, people were describing.

[Chris Fleming]

When you did that move, I thought of you.

[Conan O'Brien]

The.

[Chris Fleming]

You. The. The trailer that you in with Rose Byrne, where you got the glasses on.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Fleming]

You look like every woman that taught me in elementary school.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's what I'm. That's what I'm going for. That's what I'm going for.

[Matt Gourley]

Right?

[Conan O'Brien]

Chris Fleming. Chris Fleming. He's the funniest guy in town. Chris Fleming. He's always around.

[Chris Fleming]

And we're in Cleveland, by the way.

[Conan O'Brien]

We're.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, there's no one funny guy. The town is Cleveland.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm just looking through your paper. It says here you owe me my forms. $8,000.

[Chris Fleming]

Yep.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's interesting. Look, this is the first guest we've had who paid to be on the podcast. This is a paper play. I'm really gonna try and get some money out of you for this. I do believe. I'm gonna wrap this up. I do believe this. I believe that the Almighty. The almighty God put this man on the earth just to amuse me. I agree. And I'm eternally grateful to that God because. Because look at him. His fingers are vibrating. I so want to reach across the table and throw him over the room, but I won't, because I'm a kind man or good at posing as a kind man. But I'm so overjoyed to see what you do next. And all I ask is that I get to come watch it. That's all I want to see.

[Chris Fleming]

You're truly the best. Thanks, man.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's all I want.

[Chris Fleming]

I look up to you so much, so thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, God. See, he was nice at the end. No, it's like there's.

[Chris Fleming]

There's people when People when. You know, there's certain people that give you praise, that keeps. You know, that's what. That's. That buys you years of doing the things that you feel strong about doing.

[Eduardo Perez]

And he's one of them.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm so. Oh, big time. Oh, my God. Of course.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. I did some work in the early 90s that was memorable. Okay. That's all I'm gonna say. All right. I want you out of here.

[Chris Fleming]

I know. I get that.

[Conan O'Brien]

How did you get here? Did you get here in a. A car? Some kind of. I'm picturing like a VW bug.

[Chris Fleming]

It's pumpkin yellow.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait a minute.

[Chris Fleming]

You want to see it?

[Conan O'Brien]

What do you really have? I want to know what's down there.

[Chris Fleming]

Well, you want to see the other one?

Yeah.

Okay, well, I'll show you after. I. I have one car now that I drive. It's. I drive on the right side. It's a Japanese car. And so cops look and they're like, should we shoot the tires out? When they see if they don't. It's called a Nissan Figaro.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, nice.

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, yeah.

You want to go on a ride sometime?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I will.

[Chris Fleming]

The battery died.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's do something. I really do. I really do want to go and get a meal.

[Chris Fleming]

Let's do it. I haven't seen you in a while.

[Conan O'Brien]

You've been. And you know my family. Anytime you wanted to come over and do a tight 10, and then we'll give you a little. Yeah. Little pita sandwich with some creamed corn on it. What's my favorite meal? We'd have you over. Seriously.

[Chris Fleming]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're a wonderful person. I'm just gonna say this to all of our listeners. If you haven't seen Chris Fleming do his thing, go online, start watching. You'll never stop. Stop. He's a brilliant, brilliant fellow. Peace out, Tupac. Props to your mother. I got nothing. No way to end this.

[Matt Gourley]

Just say thank you. Bye.

[Chris Fleming]

Looking at my hand right now. It's really good.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, don't cut the mic too.

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I love the Lonely island and Seth Meyers podcast. And you will, too, because every week Seth sits down with fellow SNL alum and comedy music sensations the Lonely island to discuss their wildly popular and groundbreaking series of SNL digital shorts that aired on Saturday Night live beginning in 2005. Now, I was a super fan of those shorts. It made me tune back into snl. And now each week, we get to go on a deep dive to discuss how each short was because it was such a limited period of time. And does it still even have impact to this day? And the answer is, oftentimes, yes. You know, aided by Seth, the guys will relive their time at snl because they were all there together. Okay. This is a time when, honestly, putting a Internet sketch online was a big deal, and the Lonely island were at the forefront of that. Listen to new episodes of the Seth Meyers and Lonely island podcast every Tuesday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, and anywhere else podcasts are found.

[Eduardo Perez]

Blay, you're joining us here because we have to ask you a question. We need to get to the bottom of something.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. Okay.

[Eduardo Perez]

When we record, you sit back there with Eduardo and Adam, and we took a picture of a recent session. We're going to bring it up on the screen here.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's take a look.

[Eduardo Perez]

And we just want answers. This is what you brought in? Yeah, Five cans of seltzer water and a hand sanitizer.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, the hand sanitizer's not mine. Okay. Because I don't. It's. When I use hand sanitizer, I don't. I don't use hand sanitizer.

[Eduardo Perez]

Do you drink that much in a session?

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, yeah.

[Ashley (Ashley Furniture Ad)]

Really?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, easily not shown is probably the coffee I finished.

[Eduardo Perez]

How do you not have to pee five minutes in?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I was just gonna say I have a big bladder, but I didn't want to offer that information.

[Matt Gourley]

How do you know your bladder's big just because you have to go pee pee all the time?

[Conan O'Brien]

Because I could drink that much and be fine.

[Matt Gourley]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. I don't know. You know, interesting look at his body language right now. Well, why are you so dispensing? I understand that this. Can I just say, why are you so dispensing? I don't like being at this time. Can I run this for one second? You have your arms crossed in front of you. No, that was the universal sign for it. That's going to work. You think that's going to work? I'm doing this.

[Matt Gourley]

You do you.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, you to you. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't say this to you.

[Matt Gourley]

U to you.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, you to you. You t. I listen. I need to conduct a serious interrogation here. Pointing. You're not talking. I'll point out. Please.

[Eduardo Perez]

Believe it or not, it's not a gotcha thing either.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm just curious. Clearly. Clearly, this isn't a gotcha thing, but why? You love being in here. Your leg is going like a jack camera. You have your arms crossed in front of you, like you're defiant, right? And you're shouting. You always shout into the microphone. Does he not, Eduardo? This is true. Okay. Why can't you. I'm known to be loud, but I do lower my voice when we're on the microphone. You shout when you get on the microphone. I am too loud. No. God. Excited to be here always. I love what I do, and I love working for you and I love working with my best friends. And I'm excited to be here. Good answer. Thank you so much. I've said previously on this podcast. Guys, back me up. When you're behind this counter, it feels like you're very far away out of the action. So I feel like I need to. To project. I have a large, large head. But you understand how microphones work, right?

[Eduardo Perez]

This is not why we brought him to the table.

[Conan O'Brien]

I have a large head and it just comes out of me, man. It just reverberates. Okay. I just wanted to attack you a little bit. Jesus. And make you self conscious. Yeah, it's working. Okay, settle down and remember, that's a very sensitive.

[Eduardo Perez]

You let my client say his piece.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thank you. Thank you. No, no. And now I'm going to make the. You know, this goes for men and women, too. This means add a little paprika. It looks like you're trying to give me like a. Like a. Like a. What is this? I don't want to say nipple.

[Matt Gourley]

Nipple twister. A purple nurple.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was gonna say titty twister is what I call it. Yeah, yeah. Well, a purple nurple. Thanks, body.

[Matt Gourley]

I thought it was purple nurple.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's a purple nurple. I do think I'm going to turn this back to Matt because he had some kind of idea here. I don't. If the idea was you drink four cans of water, I'll be. I'll be shocked if you've built. If you've built your church on sand. I will be shocked. But I'm sure there's something big coming here. What you got, Matt?

[Chris Fleming]

No, I'm. I'm.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm abstaining.

[Chris Fleming]

I'm not getting involved.

[Matt Gourley]

Hey, but that's a lot. Isn't that a lot? Isn't that a lot?

[Eduardo Perez]

Five cans in.

[Matt Gourley]

In like 45 minutes.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, these. These could be like two hours.

[Eduardo Perez]

But how do you open them during an interview?

[Conan O'Brien]

We don't hear. I will say, I wait till there's laughter and I go underneath the table. Eduardo sees this. I go way underneath the table. This is true. And so it's like, I wait for, like, ha, ha ha ha. Underneath the table. No one hears it. So I defy our listeners. Can you hear me? Ever open a can of pop?

[Eduardo Perez]

No, I never do.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, thank you. Well, it's not a can of pop. This is just, well, soda. It's all the same. Is it soda? It sounds so good. You know what you could do is pre open them. Yeah, but then they get flat. Yeah, they don't really get that flat. We're here for two hours. You know, I do. I will.

[Eduardo Perez]

It seems like you're being fine talking about four bottles.

[Conan O'Brien]

I will pre open a couple. I think this is one you've ever brought to the podcast. I agree. The great mystery of the four cans of pop. I agree. Okay, so let's get something straight. You always say you want something to.

[Eduardo Perez]

Talk about, and I bring you something to talk about, and this is the response I get.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm sorry on you. I apologize. I apologize.

[Matt Gourley]

What did you bring to talk about?

[Conan O'Brien]

I apologize. I assumed that if we were going to bring something, something of quality. Oh, my God. I never think it was going to be. I will never bring another thing. I brought something, too. Sona, you keep these tissues handy? These Kleenex?

[Chris Fleming]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

I charge you with needing. Do you need all of these? Are you a real nose blower or are you an eye wiper? I can get hours out of this. Look, it's on my head.

[Eduardo Perez]

If you found this out, you would go for 15 minutes on him if.

[Chris Fleming]

You found it of your own accord.

[Conan O'Brien]

I. I don't. I don't agree. I. Listen, I find you guilty of. And, and, and maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you having four cans of pop is a deep vein of ore and I'm being ignorant. Well, look, so let's explore it more. So what else? We're actually out of time now. The pop. Where do you.

[Chris Fleming]

How far beneath the table do you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hold the can of aforementioned pop before you ignite the grenade that makes such a loud noise. You know what I am thinking of now is that he must be tortured when the conversation gets kind of serious and he really wants. Maybe he's had a lot of saltines and he really wants to open his can of pop, but he can't because there's no laughter. And I've taken us down. I'm taking us down a road of well, jeez. And so. Well, I'm really sorry that you lost your father. Were you close to your father?

[Chris Fleming]

I was very close to my father. Oh, I see.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you're just there struggling, and then you're probably trying to force a lot laugh. You ever heard of a laugh joke?

[Eduardo Perez]

Seems like he got a lot of.

[Chris Fleming]

Material out of this suggestion.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? You've been. This is. I'm. I'm helping you by making this very funny with my mind. You are. That is. That is honestly. That is really. If you want the honest truth, that is actually truly the case. I do get annoyed when the podcast gets serious, and I'm very thirsty because I'm just waiting for a laugh. And I will say, and I hesitate to even bring this up, remember the time we had a fireman's widow on and she was recently widowed and she was really upset, and I was talking to her about the pain, remember? And then you were in the corner, and I couldn't see what you're holding onto the table, and you kept going, knock, knock, knock, knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes. Sean Connery. And I was like, what? And the woman said, I just lost my husband in a fire. And you were like. And I heard, yes, Adam has something to say I respect.

[Chris Fleming]

I was just gonna say, I think the intention here was, you know, if you remember, Blay narc on Eduardo for watching soccer. And I think the intention here was to. To. I was to. Was to kind of get some revenge on Blade. I don't think this delivered necessarily. So we need to figure out a way to get better.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hold on. Let the record. Let the record state this is not revenge at all yet. Okay, But. But I will say. I will say yes.

[Chris Fleming]

Why is Blade.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen, Blade. Why did you just high five him that you need greater revenge brought upon you, you dummy. Wait, what he just said, this doesn't count as revenge against me because it's not mean. Enough. Enough. And you. You h. You gave him a fist bump. I. I thought he. He just said, I. You're. Let's convict him to death. And Hang him. And by the neck. And you went. Yeah. And fist punk. I kind of wasn't paying attention. Okay, I know. I know. You're thinking about your next can of pot.

[Eduardo Perez]

Well, you did have something to say.

[Conan O'Brien]

What was it? Oh, I was going to say, I. Please, please speak more quietly.

[Chris Fleming]

Let the man.

[Matt Gourley]

I think it's a normal volume.

[Conan O'Brien]

Volume.

[Matt Gourley]

Personally, I think he is speaking at a normal volume.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's a fist bump.

[Chris Fleming]

Yeah, that's a fist bump.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God. He's getting a headache. This room is. Is hell. This is hell. This is your segment.

[Eduardo Perez]

I know.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, look, I was gonna say, I do burst in sometimes. Now, that's revenge. Eduardo, Eduardo, Eduardo, Eduardo, Eduardo. Nice. Never screw with the guy who controls the volume knob. I want to clarify something. I think this is a great thing that you brought in, because I could go after you. That was fun for me. And we got a lot of good, hard laughs. Me mocking you doing the whole bit with the Kleenex tissues. We'll probably get a Kleenex tie in now. I was on cloud nine. So did I throw you under the bus? Sure I did, but it was a lot of fun, and we had a lot of yucks. And Eduardo, I still think we have to try again to get Blay, even though we've gotten him twice in this segment.

[Chris Fleming]

We will.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And so I'm gonna keep an eye. And if you bring. If you keep some jelly beans back there, I'll be all over you like a cheap suit. You know, I say bring it on. Oh, wow. I say bring it on.

[Eduardo Perez]

The challenge was not to put you on trial.

[Matt Gourley]

I feel like a lot goes on back here that we don't know about.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is the real podcast.

[Matt Gourley]

Cans are being open. Are you doing a crossword puzzle ever? Adam, be serious.

[Chris Fleming]

No, but I check my phone a lot.

[Conan O'Brien]

He checks his phone a lot. Lot. Yeah. He also has worry beads. He's always rubbing worry beads. And if he thinks that the podcast has lost its way and is no longer relevant, he just. I can hear rattle, rattle, rattle.

[Matt Gourley]

One day, we should. The three of us should be back here, and they should be.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, that's an idea.

[Matt Gourley]

Is it?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Who's going to do what Eduardo's doing? Oh, I guess Matt could do it.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, if he shows me the.

[Eduardo Perez]

Basics, I can do.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think it's two knobs, frankly. Eduardo.

[Matt Gourley]

That would be Eduardo.

[Conan O'Brien]

One says louder and one says quiet, quieter.

[Matt Gourley]

Conan will be Adam.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I can sit over there and I can worry. I'm worried. I'm worried. I don't hear money here. All right. Oh, please, please. No one is safe money here. He's always. You know what he asked me to do before we came in here today? He wanted me to wear a shirt that said Walmart. And I was like, why? And he went, they're not a sponsor yet, but they might be. And I'm like, this is a really ugly shirt. I have nothing against Walmart. Right. It's ridiculous.

[Matt Gourley]

It's, you know, it is silly. It's so Adam to do that. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Remember those glasses you wanted me to wear that said STP motor oil? And I was like, why? And you said, just wear them.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah. Or that shirt that says I love fracking.

[Conan O'Brien]

That was my shirt. And fracture. My grandmother. My grandmother made me that shirt. She was big. She was saying, I'm telling you, there's a way to get oil out of the ground that's even more worse for the. For the environment. I'd be like, Granny, it's 1975. Let it go. All right, we're good. And you know what? I love you all. No. No, I don't.

[Matt Gourley]

There it is. There it is.

[Eduardo Perez]

Conan o' Brien needs a friend. With Conan o' Brien Sonam of session and Matt Gorley Produced by me, Matt Gorley executive produced by by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow Theme song by the White Stripes incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples, engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and British. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign [e-mail] Conan and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O' Brien needs a friend. Wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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