Classic Colonizer

Summary

Podcast Summary: Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend — “Classic Colonizer”

Episode Date: November 27, 2025
Host: Conan O’Brien (with Matt Gourley, Sona Movsesian, Pedro Pascal, Eduardo Perez)
Featured Guest (Fan): Arjun (from Bangalore/Kerala, India)

Episode Overview

In this playful and heartfelt episode, Conan O’Brien and his cohosts welcome Arjun, a listener calling in from Southern India. The conversation journeys through Arjun’s identity and life as a gay man, his experiences in Indian society, his work, and a delightful back-and-forth about cultural exchange and humorous hypotheticals centered on Conan visiting India. The episode explores acceptance, personal quirks, the complexities of finding love, and, as always, Conan’s delightfully self-deprecating search for friendship—here, with a global twist.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meet Arjun – Setting the Scene

• Location Confusion & Banter (02:10–03:20)

  • Arjun introduces himself as from Bangalore, originally Kerala.
  • Playful sparring over specifics: “I live in a place. It’s a place next to another place.” (Conan, 03:26)
  • Matt jokingly suggests Arjun could be a great spy because of his evasiveness.

• Personal Details

  • Arjun mentions he's single, which leads to flirty banter and a “this isn’t a hookup site” disclaimer from Conan.

2. Love, Identity, and (Unintentional) Self-Sabotage

• Falling for Straight Men (04:42–05:26)

  • Arjun admits: “I keep falling for straight dudes.”
  • Matt, Conan, and Arjun joke about the doomed pursuit and underlying psychology.

• Therapy & Internalized Homophobia (05:26–06:09)

  • Conan speculates about subconscious fears, Arjun shares therapist’s perspective: “She thinks it’s because I’m homophobic, which doesn’t make sense to me.”
  • Matt to Conan: “This is sounding like a gay version of you.”

• Conan’s Desire to Help (06:12–06:21)

  • Conan earnestly offers to help: “I want you to be happy...maybe I want to help you in some way if I can.”

3. Cultural Exchange and History Lessons

• Conan Considers Visiting India (06:28–08:13)

  • Arjun invites Conan to visit Kerala/Bangalore.
  • Arjun provides a history lesson about Kerala’s spice trade, colonialism, and how diverse colonizers were “accepted.”
  • Conan jokes: “Guess what, Arjun, I have news for you. You will have a hard time getting me to leave.” (08:13)

• Colonizer Jokes & Irishness (08:27–09:00)

  • Playful riffs on colonization, with Conan and Arjun poking fun at Irish and Indian perspectives on history.
  • “Classic colonizer, Eduardo. Very good. Eduardo’s right. I’m a classic colonizer.” (Conan, 12:26)

4. Life & Aspirations

• Career Ambitions (09:17–09:49)

  • Arjun: “I think I’m a marketer...But I do want to write like a screenplay or like a book.”
  • Sona’s writing is highlighted, and Arjun laments the difficulty of getting her book in his region.

• Fandom and Shared Connections (10:07–11:25)

  • The now-famous photo of Conan at “Toit” pub in Bangalore is discussed.
  • Arjun’s story overlap with another fan sparks playful rivalry.
  • “Isn’t it better if he’s not invited?”—Conan, regarding the other fan.

5. Nightlife, Acceptance, and Queer Community in India

• Night Out, Queer Spaces & Acceptance (18:41–20:45)
  • Conan asks if he’d be a good wingman. Arjun suggests he’d draw a crowd: “They couldn’t look away from you even if they tried.” (10:43)
  • Discussion on the presence (or lack) of public queer spaces in Bangalore.
  • Arjun notes a general acceptance in urban/bubble circles: “My family, my friends are all pretty cool with things.” (20:14)
  • “So, yeah, they’re fine. But otherwise, yeah, it’s not a huge deal. I’d assume, especially for your audience in India, because even if you shoot something that is extremely queer and put it out there, it’ll be your fans in India who will be seeing it.” (20:23–20:41)

6. Improv Scenarios: Conan as a Wingman

• Setting up at Toit Pub (21:15–26:43)
  • Conan, Arjun, and Matt enact an on-the-fly scene at a pub, with identities shifting and a faux love triangle involving Pedro Pascal.
  • Playful callbacks to improv rules (“Yes, and…”, “You just broke the big rule in improv, which is you said no.” (25:39)), and the absurdity of the scenarios adds comic momentum.

7. Affection and Farewell

• Conan Praises Arjun

  • “But I do hope our paths cross one day, because I like you. You seem like a very cool person, and I think we’d have a fun time.” (26:44–26:54)
  • Arjun reciprocates the warmth, closing with a mutual hope to meet.

• Final Improv Callbacks

  • Goofy exchanges on improv and storytelling: “My favorite improv thing to do is what you did with Sona, which is. Yes. And you shut up. Yeah, I love that.” (27:31)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (With Timestamps)

• “I keep falling for straight dudes.”—Arjun (04:48)
• “Do you think it’s possible that on a subliminal psychological level you might be doing that because you’re scared of a commitment?”—Conan (05:26)
• “She thinks it’s because I’m homophobic, which doesn’t make sense to me.”—Arjun (05:47)
• “Back in the 1400s, Kerala was known as the land of spices…”—Arjun (07:10)
• “Guess what, Arjun, I have news for you. You will have a hard time getting me to leave.” —Conan (08:13)
• “Classic colonizer, Eduardo. ...I’m a classic colonizer. You’re mad at someone. Me too.”—Conan (12:26)
• “They couldn’t look away from you even if they tried.”—Arjun (10:43)
• “Would I help your game or hurt your game?”—Conan (18:41)
  “I think it’ll help my game if you are in Bangalore, obviously.”—Arjun (18:45)
• “Is there acceptance of the queer community in India? ...Do you feel comfortable?”—Conan (19:39–20:06)
• “I googled it, actually. ...But it’s all very sweet. ...You are known to be very consistent and kind. Why am I being so nice? I don’t know.”—Arjun (21:43–22:13)
• “I want that thing that’s been hanging outside the men’s room. No, I want it. What world are you in?”—Conan (17:57–18:02)
• “For the listener: he just moved his chair and there’s a nice picture of Pedro Pascal back there.”—Matt Gourley (25:04)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:10] — Arjun introduces himself, setting the playful tone
• [04:48] — Arjun discusses falling for straight men
• [05:47] — Internalized homophobia/therapy dialogue
• [07:10–08:13] — Kerala’s colonial history
• [09:17–09:49] — Career aspirations and Sona’s book
• [10:43–11:25] — The Toit pub and the “Conan poster” rivalry
• [18:41–20:45] — Nightlife, queer spaces, and acceptance in India
• [21:15–26:43] — Improv scenario: Conan as Arjun’s wingman at the pub
• [26:44–27:22] — Farewell and final improv callbacks

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Tone & Style

The conversation embodies Conan’s trademark warmth, dry wit, and irreverence, with sincere undertones as he connects with Arjun across continents and cultures. The cohosts’ rapport and Arjun’s candor fuel a genuine, playful, and sometimes poignant dialogue, blending heartfelt moments with comic absurdity.

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Takeaways

• Conan’s podcast continues to bridge comedic camaraderie and genuine connection, now across continents and cultures.
• Arjun’s story illustrates the intersection of queer identity, cultural context, and universal struggles of the heart.
• History, humor, and hope—themes consistently woven through the banter—leave an open invitation for continued friendship and cultural exchange.

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A delightfully offbeat episode that expands Conan’s quest for friendship onto the global stage, with wit, empathy, and plenty of improv shenanigans.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Pedro Pascal]

Conan O' Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

[Matt Gourley]

Hi, Arjun. Welcome to Conan o' Brien needs a fan.

[Arjun]

Hi, Matt Sona. Conan.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hi, how are you? Arjun, it's nice to meet you.

[Arjun]

It is so nice to meet all. This is so ridiculous.

[Matt Gourley]

But.

[Conan O'Brien]

It is ridiculous. Arjun, we are ridiculous people. And we thank you for taking the time to speak to us. Arjun, I have some questions for you. Where are you in the world at this moment? Where in this vast spinning blue globe we call Earth. Are you.

[Arjun]

I am in the southern part of India.

[Conan O'Brien]

Southern part of India. What is that called?

[Arjun]

South India. I love this guy.

[Conan O'Brien]

I love this guy. Well, I guess I asked a really stupid question. Maybe there was a name of a town. But maybe it's in that part of southern India where nothing is named that I've heard so much about. Yeah. Is the region have a certain name that I could find on a map?

[Arjun]

You can. I'm calling from Bangalore, but I am from this place called Kerala. Which is at the even more south of Bangalore.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Okay. Kerala. And is that a rural area or is it a big city?

[Arjun]

It's a state. So it has both. All of it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. You know what? I never want to interrogate you again. You are.

[Matt Gourley]

You should consider being a spy. Because I don't think people are going to get information out of you every.

[Conan O'Brien]

Time I ask you a question. I know less about you. I live in a place. It's a place that's next to another place. Well, tell me a little bit about yourself, Arjun. What do you want us to know about you?

[Arjun]

I. What do I want you to know about me? I am single. I don't know why that's the first thing.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're single. You realize this is not a hookup website we're on right now.

[Arjun]

But I was told something different.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, well, listen. I'm an Aries and I like to play the guitar and eat only starches.

[Arjun]

I do like Irish men. Red hair, but Bilbaar.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, Bill. What?

[Matt Gourley]

Bill Burr.

[Conan O'Brien]

Bill Burr. Oh, Bill Burr. You're looking for a Bill? I know Bill Burr and I could connect you guys. So I could do that. I could maybe connect you to Bill Burr.

[Arjun]

He has a wife. I'm not a homebrew.

[Conan O'Brien]

So what? I've got a wife. Anyway, he didn't say anything about you though.

[Pedro Pascal]

He was talking about Bill Burr.

[Matt Gourley]

That's part of the equation.

[Pedro Pascal]

You offered yourself and he said you wanted Bill Burr.

[Conan O'Brien]

Those bonds are tenuous. So, Arjun. Yeah. Tell me about yourself. You like your. Are you gay?

[Arjun]

How dare. Yes, I am.

[Conan O'Brien]

Are you seeking a relationship right now?

[Arjun]

Always. Because I keep falling for straight dudes. Which is me too. For both of us. Hey, I just watched your episode with Timothy Oliphant and I. Yeah, I get it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, trust me.

[Matt Gourley]

What's not to get?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, he's. He's the whole package.

[Arjun]

And.

[Conan O'Brien]

I apologize. I don't know how that translates to southern India, but. So is that true? You always fall for Straight guys?

[Arjun]

Yeah, most of the time. They're so irresistible, you know?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah.

[Arjun]

Because you know, they don't like you and that's so hard.

[Pedro Pascal]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you think it's possible that on a subliminal psychological level you might be doing that because you're scared of a commitment? Is it possible that you're doing that?

[Arjun]

I'm talking to my therapist.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I mean, it just occurred to me that might be. Is that something that someone, a therapist has told you?

[Arjun]

Yeah, she thinks it's because I'm homophobic, which doesn't make sense to me.

[Matt Gourley]

I love this sounding like the gay version of you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Or just me, the self hating. So you're. You're gay but you are homophobic and this causes you problems?

[Arjun]

I mean. Yeah, a lot of problems. Lot of problems, yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I want you to be happy. You seem like a really nice person and so maybe I want to help you in some way if I can.

[Arjun]

I'd appreciate that a lot.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. How do you think I could assist you in your life? What are the things I could do for you, Arjun?

[Arjun]

I mean, you can come to India, you can come to Bangalore, you can come to Kerala. I'll be in either of the places, wherever you'll be and we can go out.

[Conan O'Brien]

And how would I be? Would I be in this area you're talking about, Carola, that's in the south and sounds a little rural. Would I be accepted there? How would people feel about me?

[Arjun]

Oh, we are very accepting. In fact, back in the 1400s, I'm gonna go way back when.

[Matt Gourley]

I have no idea where this lies.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's hear it. I'm all up to this. Back in the 1400s. I'm getting a bedtime story right now.

[Arjun]

Back in the 1400s, Kerala was known as the land of spices. Or what Kerala is today, back then was known as the land of spices. The Malabar coast was exporting a lot of spices like black pepper and cardamom and cinnamon and all of that. And was very valuable in Europe and in the Arab world and everywhere. Even more valuable than gold. So Europeans wanted. But the, the trade was controlled by Arabs and Ottomans, if I'm not wrong. But the Europeans wanted their own connection to Kerala. So this guy called Christopher Columbus set sail and landed in the Bahamas and thought that was Kerala. Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Columbus mistakenly thought he had. He had arrived in India and India.

[Arjun]

So that's why he started calling. Yeah. So we, after that the Portuguese came, the Dutch came, the French came, and the British came. We loved all of Them. We couldn't get them to leave for like 200 years. So we are very accepting. We are very accepting of.

[Conan O'Brien]

Guess what, Arjun, I have news for you. You will have a hard time getting me to leave. I've heard that before.

[Matt Gourley]

I think you need to arrive in like an Irish flagged boat. Like you've been at sea for months and months.

[Conan O'Brien]

A Viking. I want a Viking Bo that I arrived.

[Pedro Pascal]

They're going to accept you because you remind them of the colonizers.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. There you go. Yeah. I'm there to colonize. Never.

[Arjun]

Never. An Irishman. Never.

[Conan O'Brien]

An Irishman.

[Arjun]

Never.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. I don't think the Irish colonized much of anything.

[Matt Gourley]

I know, but that was your chance.

[Conan O'Brien]

You couldn't get us out of our house. We were. We were innocent of all colonizing because we just wanted to hang out in the house and. Non a tater. Yeah.

[Arjun]

We've been colonizing Ireland actually. Like, most of my cousins are in Ireland randomly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Arjun]

So. Yeah, but they're used to it. Irish are used to being colonized.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Arjun]

So that's fine.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. We're, you know, we're easy guys. If you know anything about us. We're very easygoing. He said, lying through his teeth. Arjun, what do you do for a living? What's your profession? How do you make a living? Let's share the story. Take us Back to the 1400s.

[Arjun]

Back in the 1400s. Right after Vasco da Gama landed in the. Yeah. So I am a. Right. But I think I'm a marketer. I'm in marketing. Yeah, but what kind of stuff do you write?

[Matt Gourley]

What do you write?

[Arjun]

Not the things that I should be writing, but I write for capitalism. Mainly because I'm in marketing. But I do want to write like a screenplay or like a book. Oh, shout out to Sona. So, yeah, one day.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's right. She's the author in the room, which is really cool.

[Arjun]

She's the author. And.

[Conan O'Brien]

And Sona has another book coming out.

[Pedro Pascal]

I just finished it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, he just finished reading it. Okay.

[Pedro Pascal]

Yeah. The World's worst Mom.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. World's worst mom. Wonderful.

[Arjun]

Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

You were either excited or very frightened at the prospect. That came across as fear.

[Arjun]

I'm excited because I couldn't read the first one yet. I couldn't get it anywhere here. You should talk to your publisher.

[Conan O'Brien]

There's a whole market in Southern. Not being specific as to where, but there's a whole.

[Matt Gourley]

Well, that's why it's not there. Because they couldn't figure out where to send it.

[Pedro Pascal]

If you go I'll send it with you.

[Conan O'Brien]

So, Arjun, let's say I were to come and visit you. What kinds of things would we do? We'd go out. That I insist upon. That would be fun. And you think I'd mix? Well. People would be happy to see me. Maybe.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Arjun]

They couldn't look away from me even if they tried. But it would be fun.

[Pedro Pascal]

You're like the sun.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. They couldn't look away from you even if they try.

[Arjun]

You're.

[Matt Gourley]

When the ark opens in Raiders of.

[Conan O'Brien]

The Lost Ark, people's faces will. Will melt off.

[Arjun]

She's beautiful.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Arjun]

We could go to Toit. You remember Toit? You may not remember Toit. There's a picture of you outside the restroom in Toit.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, I've heard about this.

[Matt Gourley]

This was on another cona fest.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. I was thrilled to hear. I was speaking to another fan who said there's a picture of me outside the restroom and I've never been more excited.

[Arjun]

Yeah. So that was supposed to be my story. When I was going to talk to you. He stole my story. He doesn't know me. I don't know him, but I know his name. Nikhil. And he stole my stories. The only way for me to get back at him is for us to go to Toid together. And he can be invited.

[Conan O'Brien]

Isn't it better if he's not invited?

[Arjun]

Or he has to be invited, but he has to be seated like six feet away from the.

[Matt Gourley]

I think you guys should put up a poster of the two of you right next to the other one. You know he'll die when the other.

[Conan O'Brien]

Fan hears that I came all the way to India and that he told me about the picture outside the bathroom in Bangalore. But I went with Arjun instead of him. And literally we passed his apartment. That would. That would crush him.

[Matt Gourley]

That's brutal.

[Pedro Pascal]

Why?

[Arjun]

That would be.

[Pedro Pascal]

Why do we want to crush this? You have such an aggression towards this person you've never met before. It just feels.

[Conan O'Brien]

He took his idea. That was his story.

[Pedro Pascal]

Warranted. You're right.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm just happy to have aggression towards anyone. So I jumped on board right away. Classic colonizer Eduardo. Very good. Eduardo's right. I'm a classic colonizer. You're mad at someone. Me too.

[Matt Gourley]

Just stoking wars.

[Conan O'Brien]

Conor. Brian needs a Friend is brought to you by Air B. I've taken a few trips in the past where I got a place through Airbnb. I've mentioned this before. Lovely experience. I think I do it again. I love it.

[Eduardo Perez]

It makes me feel so comfortable when I'm in a home that I get on Airbnb.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, you've done this a lot, haven't you, Blay? I have.

[Eduardo Perez]

And actually, Eduardo and I tomorrow are going to Austin and I'm trying to get him to stay with me in a house that I got on Airbnb.

[Matt Gourley]

I don't know about sharing a spot with.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, he's very loud. He's very loud. And he always has to bring his figurines with him.

[Eduardo Perez]

They're emotional support figurines.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

But the great thing about getting place through Airbnb, and I've done this in several cities, I like just feeling like, okay, this is my own space, I can do my thing.

[Eduardo Perez]

You're traveling. Why not enjoy it?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Well, thank you. That's so nice of you. Yeah. Eduardo, don't go with him. The other thing, and this would be a cool little detail for both of you, is if you're not using your place, you could list that on Airbnb.

[Pedro Pascal]

It's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Matt Gourley]

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[Conan O'Brien]

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[Matt Gourley]

You both came by it honestly, though, so why? What if you both met and maybe there's like a. You guys could kind of, like, argue for who gets to keep it or something like that, you know?

[Conan O'Brien]

Keep what? The poster no, the poster has to stay outside the bathroom.

[Arjun]

Fight for the poster.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want that thing that's been hanging outside the men's room. No, I want it. What world are you in?

[Matt Gourley]

I'm in their world.

[Arjun]

Apparently it's there in all the toit in India. Like, toit has different. It started in Bangalore, but I think it's in other cities and they all have a composter accordingly. Reddit. So that's the thing.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, here's what I want to do.

[Arjun]

You should get money out of it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, please, Arjun. I'm not into monetizing things. It's not my thing. I colonize, but I don't monetize.

[Arjun]

How much did I.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I really need to moisturize. Arjun, here's what I want to do. I want. Because what I'd like to do is hit the town with you and maybe. Do you think that I would be a good wingman for your romantic pursuits or do you think I'd be a bad wingman? Would I help your game or hurt your game?

[Arjun]

I think it'll help my game if you are in Bangalore, obviously.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Arjun]

Because it's a city and there are more people and. But I don't know, there are no queer, public, queer spaces.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is that true?

[Arjun]

There are, there are, but it's just that maybe I don't go there, but I'm not invited. But yeah, if you are here, we will go to a queer space.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Arjun]

There used to be a lot of pubs before the pandemic. There used to be a lot of bars and pubs that were queer friendly spaces. But then they closed down, unfortunately, due to the pandemic. But then now I'm sure there are. There are. Oh, there are drag nights at some places. Okay, we can go.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Arjun]

And. Oh, yeah. And then there are improv. Improv is becoming a thing in Bangalore. It's never, never used to be a thing. It started becoming a thing recently and I went to a workshop. Was so cringe. I loved it. So I feel like it can take you back to your olden days.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, I would love that. I would love to. I mean, I would. I like the idea of going to any place that you want to go and. And it would be fun. It would be fun to. I have a serious question, which is because I'm not aware, is. Is there acceptance of the queer community in India? Has that. Is. Is there a growing acceptance? Do you feel comfortable?

[Arjun]

Yeah, I mean. I mean, I live in a bubble. I live in a city, so it's pretty. Things seem very okay to me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Arjun]

But when you go to other places, things may be a little different. But again, I'm, you know, in a bubble. My family, my friends are all pretty cool with things.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's good.

[Arjun]

So, yeah, they're fine. But otherwise, yeah, it's not a huge deal. I'd assume, especially for your audience in India, because even if you shoot something that is extremely queer and put it out there, it'll be your fans in India who will be seeing it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Arjun]

And your fans are inherently nice people.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, that's nice to know. Gee, what do they find out? I'm not? I will get to that later.

[Pedro Pascal]

Find out.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think I know.

[Arjun]

I am the only homophobic one.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, I forgot. You guys are reading all the threads. Reading all the comments. Monster. Freak. Well, Arjun, you seem like a very nice person and it would be. I'd enjoy hanging out with you. And so maybe we can make that work out. I don't know. You know, we never know.

[Matt Gourley]

I was trying to think, if you as a wingman is a positive or, like, how would you help him? What would be your method?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, first of all, I clean up real nice when I want to. So I think. And I've had, you know, many, many, many gay men tell me that I'm their fantasy. And I just made that up. But that's your fantasy. My fantasy is that I'm their fantasy? Yes. Isn't that how it works?

[Arjun]

I googled it, actually. I wanted to know how famous you are or the impact you had in the queer community. So I did like an AI deep research thing, hoping that I'll find something funny like, oh, this fun thing that he did is huge in the queer community. But it's all very sweet. So. Yeah. So there is nothing. You are known to be very consistent and kind. Why am I being so nice? I don't know.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know. Don't worry. We can fix this with AI later on and make it really mean and snarky.

[Arjun]

Please.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, Arjun, I think. I think I'd be a good wingman for Arjun. I think, first of all, you can't. You have to look at me. You can't look away. That's true. And I think I would draw a crowd. And that's. Even if people don't know who I am, they think, oh, my God, what is that thing that just came in?

[Matt Gourley]

I've got a couple minutes here. I'm at a bar. You're his wingman. You guys are there.

[Conan O'Brien]

We're at toit. Yep.

[Pedro Pascal]

Toit.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Arjun]

And I'm Just.

[Matt Gourley]

I'm just alone. I'm drinking. Drinking.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's your name?

[Matt Gourley]

My name is Matt.

[Conan O'Brien]

In this scenario, your name is Matt?

[Matt Gourley]

No, my name is Chandless.

[Conan O'Brien]

Chandlis? Yes. Do you think that's an Indian name?

[Matt Gourley]

No, I'm just. I'm not.

[Conan O'Brien]

Give us a good Indian name. Arjun. Common.

[Arjun]

You can be mad that I'm Matthews in India.

[Matt Gourley]

Thank you, Arjun. Actually, we don't need you. We're getting along just fine.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, let's say, Arjun, let's. Let's do a little improv right now. You and I have our drinks in hand. What are you drinking there, Arjun? Yeah. Beer.

[Arjun]

Don't eat beer.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, we're gonna get you an improv class before I come. That was a 20 minute pause, and then you picked the most obvious thing. Well, I have an appletini. I have an appletini that I brought with me on the plane.

[Arjun]

I was gonna say, Tori doesn't have appletini.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, I brought my own. I always bring my own. So Arjun and I walk up and. Hey, what's your name?

[Matt Gourley]

My name is Rishi.

[Conan O'Brien]

Rishi, Good to see you. You seem like a Matt to me, but we'll go with Rishi. Rishi, this is Arjun. He's my friend. And I'm Conan o'. Brien. But you probably knew that. Oh, mistake. Doesn't ring. What's going on?

[Matt Gourley]

Well, I'm just here alone, just recently got out of a relationship, and I feel like I'm independently minded and not sad about being in that relationship, but I'm open and my heart's ready for love.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow. Incredible. Well, guess what? What? I've been married for, like, 23 years. I hope I got that right, Arjun. I think he's single right now. Maybe you two have something to talk about. Arjun, have you met my friend Rishi?

[Arjun]

I'm not single, actually.

[Conan O'Brien]

What? Oh.

[Arjun]

Yeah, I'm married to a man, and he is very supportive.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait a minute. What's going on?

[Matt Gourley]

Why would you set me up for this heartbreak, sir?

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm so sitting here alone, Rishi, you're.

[Matt Gourley]

Going through this kind of mental rollercoaster.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm dying, Rishi. I'm wondering if you're up for a throuple. That's all. Oh, plot twist, plot twist. Wait, Arjun, I thought you were single.

[Arjun]

No, he's very supportive. Even when I wanted to do this, he was behind me. Like, literally, like behind me. Come on. I practiced that bit. And I forgot that I said I was single.

[Matt Gourley]

For the listener. He just moved his chair and There's a nice picture of Pedro Pascal back there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, yeah. Pascal is who you're married to in your mind, right? Well, I have to now alert Pedro Pascal. This is very worrisome. Wow. Okay. Well, you just broke the big. A big rule in improv, which is you said no. Yes and yes, and I'm not available for a relationship. Do you want to stick with in this scenario that you're with Pedro Pascal, or do you want to now go with your single.

[Arjun]

Yeah, I want to know how much Rishi wants me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Arjun]

Regardless of my situation.

[Conan O'Brien]

Rishi, I want to apologize for my friend who seems borderline insane. He's not with Pedro Pascal, and he just said that. That's his sense of humor a bit, but, boy, he's a lot of fun. Why don't you two talk? I'm just gonna have a sip of my appletini.

[Matt Gourley]

While you guys were going through all that, actually, Pedro Pascal called me, and we've entered a relationship. So I'm sorry to say this is gonna work out.

[Pedro Pascal]

Oh, no.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, no. Well, you just wasted both of our time.

[Pedro Pascal]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I think that's you, too. Aren't you.

[Matt Gourley]

I know. I gotta actually side with you there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Pedro Pascal]

Oh, I'll jump in here. I'm Pedro Pascal.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, look at Pedro Pascal. Hey, maybe slow down. He's playing an Armenian woman in his next movie. Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Maybe take a break between movies.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Pedro Pascal]

I'm married to. I'm married to Arjun. And I'm dating Rishi.

[Conan O'Brien]

Nice. Hey. Hey, Pedro, whatever you're doing, you keep doing it because you're having a great year.

[Pedro Pascal]

Play in the field. That's me. It's Pedro Pascal.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow. Okay. Yeah. I did it. So you're. How many relationships are you in right now?

[Pedro Pascal]

Seven.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow. Okay. All right, Arjun, you've made a complete mockery of this very serious podcast where I try and build international bonds, and I blame you. But I do hope our paths cross one day, because I like you. You seem like a very cool person, and I think we'd have a fun time. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. And so, all of you, thank you. We'll see you on. Down the road. Possibly. You never know. It's a strange world, isn't it?

[Arjun]

Is it?

[Matt Gourley]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And Arjun. Yes. And Arjun. Is it? Is it?

[Arjun]

It is.

[Conan O'Brien]

Doing a scene with Arjun in improv. Arjun, welcome to my chocolate factory. Is it? Yes, Sergeant.

[Arjun]

My favorite improv thing to do is what you did with Sona, which is. Yes. And you shut up. Yeah, I love that.

[Conan O'Brien]

I invented that. It's a power move. All right, Arjun, you take care. Nice talking to you.

[Arjun]

Nice talking to all of you. Bye.

[Matt Gourley]

Conan o' Brien Needs a Fan With Conan o' Brien, Sonam of Session and Matt Gourley Produced by me, Matt Gourley Executive Producer produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy Supervising Producer Aaron Blair Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples Associate Producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Byrne Engineering by eduardo Perez get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign [e-mail] Conan Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O' Brien needs a free fan. Wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

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