Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend: "Cōnānus et Jordānēs Show - Luke Ranieri"

Release Date: June 13, 2025

Hosts: Conan O’Brien, Jordan Schlansky
Guest: Luke Ranieri
Produced by: Team Coco & Earwolf

Introduction: A Playful Banter Begins [00:00 - 02:11]

The episode kicks off with Conan O’Brien passionately defending the tropical island of Aruba, humorously emphasizing its unique blend of desert and ocean elements. Amidst playful jabs and mock advertisements for pistachios and cereals, Conan and Jordan set the stage for their trademark dynamic. Their lighthearted exchange quickly transitions into a humorous misstep with an unexpected rendition of Rush's "Tom Sawyer" by Mindless Self Indulgence, highlighting the hosts' improvisational chemistry.

Conan O'Brien [00:03]: "Aruba isn't just a tropical island. It's Mother Nature showing off. It really is."

Food Coloring and Cultural Preferences [05:18 - 11:22]

The conversation shifts to Jordan's pet peeve: artificial food coloring. Jordan elucidates the differences between American and European food coloring standards, advocating for natural alternatives. Conan humorously counters with his affection for brightly colored cereals like Froot Loops, even integrating playful debates over spelling and pronunciation.

Jordan Schlansky [05:31]: "They have more stringent requirements about limiting the types of artificial coloring that's used in our food."

Conan O'Brien [08:07]: "I love Froot Loops. Any box you buy today will exist in its intact form 10,000 years from now and will be edible."

The discussion delves into the implications of Robert Kennedy Jr.'s potential ban on artificial dyes in the U.S., blending current events with their personal preferences in a humorous yet informative manner.

Introducing the Guest: Luke Ranieri [19:00 - 22:44]

Seeking expertise on pronunciation, Conan introduces Luke Ranieri, a linguistics enthusiast known for his YouTube channel "Polymothy." Luke’s passion for classical and ecclesiastical Latin, as well as ancient Greek, sets the foundation for an engaging segment on pronunciation.

Conan O'Brien [19:07]: "There are times where I'm convinced he's wrong. He thought instead of tango, the word was tongo."

Luke Ranieri [20:21]: "I just fell in love with Italian and then later Latin. ... I studied that."

Pronunciation Showdown: Conan, Jordan, and Luke [23:00 - 34:04]

A lively pronunciation game ensues, pitting Conan and Jordan against Luke. The trio tackles historical names and mythological figures, showcasing Luke's expertise and the hosts' comedic attempts.

1. Julius Caesar:

   • Conan [34:27]: "Marcus Juniors."
   • Jordan [34:54]: "Marcus Junius Brutus."
   • Luke: Offers classical pronunciations, awarding points to accuracy.

2. Portia:

   • Jordan [35:55]: "Portia."
   • Conan [36:07]: Mimics playful mockery, highlighting social awkwardness in precise pronunciation.

3. Virgil (Virgilius):

   • Conan [37:04]: "Virgilius."
   • Luke: Confirms accuracy, commending Conan's effort.

4. Horatio (Horatius):

   • Conan [37:58]: "Horatius."
   • Jordan: Details Odysseus’ adventures, blending historical insights with humor.

5. Odysseus:

   • Conan [38:31]: Attempts classical pronunciation amidst humorous anecdotes about modern misunderstandings.

Throughout the game, the interplay between factual language insights and comedic relief keeps the conversation both educational and entertaining.

Luke Ranieri [35:25]: "Et U. Brute is a... And also there's one account where he just went, what the fuck?"

Conan O'Brien [39:02]: "If you were on the street... you'd just rave like an absolute fucking lunatic."

Social Dynamics and Personal Jabs [34:04 - 42:04]

As the pronunciation game concludes, Conan and Jordan reflect on their unique friendship. Conan appreciates Jordan’s contributions, albeit with his characteristic sarcasm, while Jordan maintains his stoic demeanor.

Conan O'Brien [41:01]: "I'd like to meet them."

Jordan Schlansky [40:43]: "I have nothing to say right now."

The segment underscores the hosts' enduring yet unconventional camaraderie, blending mutual respect with ongoing banter.

Guest Appreciation and Final Thoughts [41:04 - 42:05]

Conan extends heartfelt thanks to Luke Ranieri, praising his knowledge and amiable nature. He encourages listeners to explore Luke's YouTube channel, "Polymothy," fostering a sense of community and shared appreciation for linguistic enthusiasts.

Conan O'Brien [41:21]: "You seem like a very affable fellow. And so I wish you all the best."

The episode wraps up with Conan and Jordan acknowledging their distinct personalities, reiterating the show's blend of humor, friendship, and intellectual discourse.

Conclusion: A Unique Blend of Humor and Insight

This episode of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend masterfully balances comedy with educational content. Through spirited discussions on topics ranging from food coloring regulations to the intricacies of classical pronunciation, Conan, Jordan, and guest Luke Ranieri create an engaging and entertaining narrative. Notable for its blend of playful jabs and genuine appreciation, the episode offers listeners both laughter and learning, embodying the essence of Conan’s quest for meaningful friendships.

Notable Quotes:

• Conan O'Brien [08:09]: "I have long been a Froot Loops fan."

• Jordan Schlansky [05:31]: "It's like the UN incredible cuisine, locals so friendly you'll wonder if they're confusing you for someone important."

• Luke Ranieri [20:21]: "I wanted to speak an ancient language, I wanted to figure out how it's actually pronounced."

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