Kevin Nealon Returns Again

Summary

Episode Summary: Kevin Nealon Returns Again Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Release Date: February 10, 2025

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Introduction

In the February 10, 2025 episode of Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend, Conan O’Brien welcomes back the charismatic comedian and longtime friend, Kevin Nealon. This episode offers an engaging blend of humor, heartfelt conversations, and insightful discussions as the duo navigates the nuances of their friendship and Kevin’s latest ventures in acting.

Kevin Nealon’s New Acting Endeavors

Kevin Nealon shares exciting updates about his recent participation in the Sundance Film Festival, highlighting his role in the indie film "If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You." Describing the project, Kevin states:

“[03:13] Kevin Nealon: I'm in a movie. I think it was maybe two years ago, I was approached by this very talented writer director named Mary Bronstein, and she had a script called If I Had Legs, I'd Kick You. And it's a very different movie.”

He elaborates on his character, a therapist assisting Rose Byrne’s character through a tumultuous period:

“[05:34] Kevin Nealon: I'm a therapist. Oh, yeah. I don't want to say too much, but I'm a therapist for her character who's going through a lot of distress.”

Kevin praises Rose Byrne’s performance and the film’s production quality, emphasizing the professionalism of A24 and his admiration for Byrne:

“[04:47] Kevin Nealon: Rose Byrne, who I absolutely adore, is the star. She carries the picture... she's so humble and just hope I'm not bothering anyone.”

Humorous Banter and Friendship Dynamics

The core of the episode is the playful and witty exchange between Conan and Kevin, showcasing their deep-seated friendship infused with good-natured teasing. A recurring topic of humor is Conan’s fashion choices, particularly his V-neck sweaters:

“[12:17] Kevin Nealon: No. No sense of entitlement. No. I mean, no sense that. And when I try to compliment her. Ah, come on, mate.”

Their conversation often circles back to humorous anecdotes and light-hearted critiques, maintaining an entertaining atmosphere throughout the episode. For instance, discussing Conan’s wardrobe mishaps:

“[13:08] Kevin Nealon: And you were a very important part of the Truman administration no one wants to see.”

Insights on Friendship and Genuine Connections

Beyond the humor, the episode delves into the complexities of forming genuine friendships amidst the fame and chaos of celebrity life. Kevin reflects on his ongoing quest to establish a meaningful relationship with Conan, contrasting it with Conan’s realization about the superficiality of his interactions over the years:

“[15:11] Kevin Nealon: How are you? I haven't seen you in a little while. And I really do enjoy my time. We trade texts fairly often, but I really treasure when I see you because, as I say, it's an old friendship.”

This segment underscores the podcast’s foundational theme—Conan’s desire to forge authentic friendships beyond his celebrity status.

Exploration of Emotions and Vulnerability

The conversation takes a more introspective turn as Conan and Kevin discuss emotional expression and vulnerability. They debate the nature of humor and seriousness in their interactions, with Kevin expressing his struggle to connect on a deeper emotional level without the veil of comedy:

“[32:02] Conan O'Brien: It is subjective because I'll say something... you can't say somebody's not funny if they're bringing in people and people are laughing.”

This dialogue highlights the challenges of balancing professional camaraderie with personal vulnerability, offering listeners a glimpse into the emotional underpinnings of their friendship.

Conclusion

As the episode draws to a close, Conan and Kevin reflect on their enduring friendship, blending humor with sincere acknowledgments of each other’s impacts on their lives. The episode encapsulates the essence of Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend—a quest for authentic connections amidst the sprawling landscape of fame and entertainment.

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Notable Quotes

• Kevin Nealon at [01:24]:

  "I feel absolutely duped about being Conan O'Brien's friend."

• Kevin Nealon on Acting at [03:13]:

  "I'm a therapist... my part is not necessarily comedic per se. So you're acting."

• Kevin Nealon on Friendship at [15:30]:

  "I really treasure when I see you because, as I say, it's an old friendship. And I think we have a certain spark that excites America."

• Conan O’Brien on Humor at [32:02]:

  "It is subjective because I'll say something... you can't say somebody's not funny if they're bringing in people and people are laughing."

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This episode offers a rich tapestry of humor, personal insights, and the intricate dance of friendship between Conan O’Brien and Kevin Nealon, making it a compelling listen for both longtime fans and new listeners alike.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Kevin Nealon]

Well, it's the sweetest time of the year, if you know what I'm saying. Valentine's Day is approaching. Yep. Macy's has the best of the gifts for your loved ones. You don't want to get the Valentine's gift wrong? No. Got to get this thing right.

[Sona Movsesian]

Not for V Day.

[Kevin Nealon]

Nope. Or I'm sleeping on the couch. I love my old 1950s stereotypes. Macy's gift Guide has handpicked the very best gifts for everyone on your list and takes all the guessing work out of the process. Shop top gifts like designer perfumes, Ugg slippers, Joe Malone diffusers. Don't know what that is. Breville espresso machines, Beats headphones, Sono speakers, Pandora bracelets, and so much more. I'm always wondering what to get and I like it when someone takes over does the thinking for me.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, you still have to think about what to get.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, Macy's got me most of the way there. Shop@macy's.com gift guide.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hi, my name is Kevin Nealon and I feel absolutely duped about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

[Kevin Nealon]

Terrible thing to say.

[Matt Gourley]

Fall is here Hear the yell Back to school Ring the bell Brand new.

[Kevin Nealon]

Shoes Walk and lose Climb the fence books and pens I can tell that we are gonna be I can tell that we are gonna be friends. Hello and welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. It's me, Conan O'Brien, joined by Sonam Obsession and of course, Matt Gourley. How are you both? Sonam.

[Matt Gourley]

We're good.

[Kevin Nealon]

Good, good. Wow. We can't even do that part. If we can't do that part, what does that say for the rest of the show?

[Matt Gourley]

Well, this show in particular is going to be falling right in line with that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, probably, given who's on. Yes.

[Matt Gourley]

What have you been up to lately? Where you been? You just came back and you look snow kissed.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's right. I was molested by a snowman. I just did a quick, very quick 24 hour trip to Utah because I participated in the Sundance Film Festival. Never did that before. That's cool.

[Matt Gourley]

Because you're in a movie.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm in a movie. I think it was maybe two years ago, I was approached by this very talented writer director named Mary Bronstein, and she had a script called if I had legs, I'd kick you. And it's a very different movie. And I read the script and I thought, wow, this is very powerful, very cool. And my part is not necessarily comedic per se. So you're acting.

[Matt Gourley]

You're not doing a cameo as Conan O'Brien?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I'm not Conan O'Brien. No, I'm. And so I was. I honestly, I think I tried to talk her out of it. It's an A24 film. It's very prestigious. I think it's coming from this great company. And Rose Byrne, who I absolutely adore, is the star. She carries the picture, as they would say back in the day. And it was a fascinating process to do it. Mary did an incredible job. I had not seen the movie, so I flew in with David hopping and was walking through Park City, Utah. It's this whole thing. I mean, the streets are just clogged with people and film fans, and I guess people knew I was coming. So I've never seen so many people with parkas that had Simpsons stills of me with Bart, those guys, and little knickknacks and things to sign and a pimp bot T shirt. I mean, I just pictured them coming over mountain passes with. With Conan paraphernalia, but they were all very nice. So that was strange. And then to go in and do a red carpet and then go into the theater and sit down and watch the movie start.

[Matt Gourley]

I have two questions that are the same question.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Matt Gourley]

Were you nervous to do serious acting? And then were you nervous to watch yourself do serious acting?

[Kevin Nealon]

I was certainly nervous to do it. And then I had a weird detachment. It's very different from anything I've done before. So, you know, everything I do is comedy. Just everything. So, you know, because if you're watching it with an audience, or if I'm performing it in front of an audience, the laughter is what tells you how it's going. This is not one of those experiences.

[Matt Gourley]

People weren't sobbing audibly.

[Kevin Nealon]

I was just. Cause of my eye vein was so giant.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, geez.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I think I was nervous and I took it really seriously and I didn't wanna. I mean, I'm working with Rose Byrne and she absolutely kills it in this movie. She's spectacular. And the reviews that she's had are amazing. What do you play.

[Matt Gourley]

What's your character?

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm a therapist. Oh, yeah. I don't want to say. I don't want to say too much, but I'm a therapist for her character who's going through a lot of distress. And I was very detached from seeing myself. I just thought, oh, there's who? I don't know that guy.

[Sona Movsesian]

Are you method?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I am not method. But I mean, I just. I wasn't. I don't know. I don't. I felt a little detached from seeing myself. I wasn't as interested in seeing myself as I was in what. Rose Byrne is so riveting in this role. And I know I'm biased because I'm in the movie, but then all these reviews came out that really shone a light on her performance, which made me very happy.

[Matt Gourley]

Well, when can we, the general public, see this movie?

[Kevin Nealon]

That's a really good question. I think probably sometime maybe this spring. I don't know. And the thing is, this is also alien to me. So. So I don't know anything about the movie business. I've never aspired to be an actor. That was never a dream of mine. Yeah. Why does she think of you?

[Sona Movsesian]

Why did she. Why did. Why did she think of you?

[Kevin Nealon]

It's a she. I mean, Mary Bronstein, maybe she. When the movie comes out, she could come in and talk about it.

[Sona Movsesian]

But I don't want to be insulting to you. It's just. You don't.

[Kevin Nealon]

You just were. But you're also right. It's the exact right question. And I think I was glad that the consensus is that I don't get in the way. You know, the consensus is that I'm.

[Matt Gourley]

Sure it's better than that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. But I was. I'm really proud of what Mary Bronstein pulled off and just blown away by Rose Byrne, who could not be more humble. At one point she excused herself and like climbed over some furniture. Cause there was a. You know, everyone was having drinks afterwards, all these, a 24 people and film people, she was like, oh, sorry, sorry, excuse me. Oh, pardon me. You know, and she. And I was watching her and she's so humble and just hope I'm not bothering anyone. And, you know, she's very beautiful. And then just, I think top, top tier actor, just incredible ability. And she walked away. And I said to Mary, the thing I love about her the most is that she doesn't know she's Rose Byrne. Like, no. No sense of entitlement. No. I mean, no sense that. And when I. When you try and compliment her. Ah, come on, mate. You know.

[Sona Movsesian]

Is that your Australian accent?

[Kevin Nealon]

That was it. It was me. But anyway, she. I looking forward to people seeing the film and watch me. I'll be in there a little bit. Yeah, I'm excited.

[Sona Movsesian]

That's so cool. Yeah, it's cool you went to Sundance.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, I have to say I've done two things in the space of about six months that were both unusual experiences. And this is the part of my career that I'm really enjoying, which is just trying things. And there was this movie that I shot that's just coming out now, but after. But about six months ago or seven months ago, I did the Newport Folk Festival and played music and headlined it with a bunch of musicians and had one of the great experiences of my life. And so just getting to do a few of these things that are completely outside my comfort zone are really fun. And my tryouts for the NBA. Oh, no.

[Matt Gourley]

You're an inspiration.

[Conan O'Brien]

Really?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. The spurs are looking.

[Matt Gourley]

It's never too late.

[Kevin Nealon]

The spurs are looking for a 6 foot 4 inch water boy. Well, I think I could do it. I'd be a real good water boy. Well, this will be interesting. My guest today, he and I have. I don't know what you'd call our chemistry.

[Matt Gourley]

Well, I like that this intro was kind of like measured and straightforward because what you're about to hear doesn't just go off the deep end. It presumes there's even a bottom to the end.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, yes. This gentleman and I, when we get together, I don't know what you'd call it. It might be lethal, I don't know. But he's a hilarious comedian. He's a very good friend of mine. I adore him. I met him when he was a cast member on Saturday Night Live. He starred in the Showtime series Weeds. He has a show called Hiking with Kevin, which I've done, which is really fun. And I think that's coming to Fox Nation. And our conversations are unique. So I'm excited he's here. Kevin Nguyen, welcome. I respect you. I revere you. You're easily one of the funniest people I've ever known. I met you back in 1988.

[Conan O'Brien]

First of all, do you like to be referred to as Conan or Team Coco or Coco? I mean, how many names do you have licenses for all those?

[Kevin Nealon]

I do. They're all licensed. Conan. The name Conan, I licensed in 1967.

[Conan O'Brien]

What about COB?

[Kevin Nealon]

COB, I've got that, too.

[Conan O'Brien]

Capital letters.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm sorry. You were saying about me?

[Kevin Nealon]

I said that you were a time waster in 88.

[Conan O'Brien]

1988.

[Kevin Nealon]

1988. I met you at Saturday Night Live. You were my favorite of the performers then. Still then, subsequent work has proven to be a bit of a disappointment. But I love you. I'm gonna look you in the eye and tell you that I love you as a friend, as a tormentor, I love you. And I love having you on the podcast because you bring out a different side of me. An angry side, a petty side.

[Conan O'Brien]

You are looking at me. Cause I see for once, your eyes are blue. And I've never known that before because.

[Kevin Nealon]

We don't look at each other.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm looking at you right now.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, well, you're blinking a lot. I'm sending.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm sending SOS to Persona.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm sending this.

[Conan O'Brien]

Get me out of here.

[Kevin Nealon]

You really are very blinky today. I don't know what's going on.

[Conan O'Brien]

I do tend to blink a. Yeah. I watch myself sometimes in TV shows, and I find myself blinking a lot.

[Kevin Nealon]

So you watch your appearances on TV shows a lot?

[Conan O'Brien]

I can't help it.

[Kevin Nealon]

They're that good. They're that good.

[Conan O'Brien]

I am good, actually, except for the blinking. So listen to me.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's get down to it.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know what? I've been hoping we would get down to it, and this is the time to do it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let me just tell you something about how you've kind of come into my life a lot unexpectedly and not so. Whenever I'm about to see you, I always second guess what I'm wearing. Because you commented once when I wore. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was at your house or I met you for lunch or something, and I had a sweater on, a V neck sweater with no T shirt, which was a mistake. You were so annoyed.

[Kevin Nealon]

I was annoyed because I saw, like, a big V part of your chest and I didn't.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's called a body.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, then we got a problem. Houston, we got a problem. Is that funny? Remember that movie we.

[Conan O'Brien]

You watch a lot of space movies.

[Kevin Nealon]

I do. Let's not get up on that cul de sac. Let's stick to your chest. It bothered me.

[Conan O'Brien]

You didn't even see it. And everyone.

[Kevin Nealon]

Everyone knows you wear a T shirt and then you put a light sweater over it.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, especially when we're of a. I.

[Sona Movsesian]

Actually can go either way.

[Kevin Nealon]

But what about when you're a certain vintage. I looked you up online. You were born March 3, 1931.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now you're way out.

[Kevin Nealon]

And you were a very important part of the Truman administration no one wants to see.

[Conan O'Brien]

Here's what I don't like about the way you dress. May I?

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You wear those thin T shirts so your nipples are popping out and nobody wants to see Team Coco nipples.

[Kevin Nealon]

I need people.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what I'm saying?

[Kevin Nealon]

I want people to know that I'm a sexual being.

[Conan O'Brien]

How are they going to know that?

[Kevin Nealon]

They're going to see my nipples. If they see my nipples, they'll know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's ask you this.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you have a favorite when it comes to your nipples? Do you like one or the other?

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm going to say. I'm going to. I like the left one maybe a little more.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now listen to me. My chest.

[Kevin Nealon]

Why do you have a podcast? You have the microphone and you keep saying, now listen to me because you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Interrupt me every time I try to talk.

[Kevin Nealon]

Go ahead. Go ahead. So the floor is yours, Senator.

[Conan O'Brien]

Go ahead. When you're finished, I'll continue what I was saying.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm done.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, let's go back to the V neck. Sona has a V neck on and.

[Kevin Nealon]

She has a shirt underneath.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't even have any cleavage. And I'm not hiding anything. I mean, if you take care of your body, maybe you know this. If you take care of your body, you're not afraid to show some, you know, masculinity.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, I don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

What if I wore a V neck T shirt under the V neck sweater? Does that count?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, it doesn't, actually. It doesn't.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's called layering.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't want to see. I didn't. I just. I wasn't prepared. And we were eating food and I was looking down at my chicken that had the skin on it and then looking at that part of your chest, and I kept looking from the skin of the chicken to your chest, and it was freaking me out a little bit.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you require a chicken to wear a V neck sweater or a T shirt under the skirt?

[Kevin Nealon]

I think even you know that you've gone to the too far.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wrap this up, man. I got to wrap it up.

[Kevin Nealon]

We're not going to wrap. We're not going to wrap it up. Oh, time for a little siparoo. I love when you take a sip because it means you're not talking.

[Conan O'Brien]

You love a straw, do you?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, not for you. We did that last time. And you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, we did.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think you. Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, man. So how are you? Thank you.

[Kevin Nealon]

How are you? I. I Haven't seen you in a little while. And I really do enjoy my time. We trade texts fairly often, but I really treasure when I see you because, as I say, it's an old friendship. And I think we have a certain something. We have a certain spark that excites America.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's it.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's all I got.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I thought there were more, but okay, yeah, we do. I agree with you. We have a close bond and we tease each other a lot, but I think we have a really close friendship.

[Kevin Nealon]

Why'd you cover your mouth when you said that?

[Conan O'Brien]

I scratched my upper lip.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hell, no one does that.

[Conan O'Brien]

He's so defensive and so insecure about everything. And I don't think anybody will argue that point with me.

[Kevin Nealon]

I am now about the nipple thing. I'm never wearing those shirts again.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you ever know anybody had a third nipple?

[Kevin Nealon]

No. I saw it once in a movie. It said James Bond, the Man with the Golden Gun.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, the golden nipple. Did you say the extra golden nipple?

[Kevin Nealon]

What's the name of the guy? Scalamanga.

[Matt Gourley]

Scaramanga.

[Kevin Nealon]

As played by Christopher. Christopher Lee. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I worked with someone once who had a tail, believe it or not.

[Kevin Nealon]

What?

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm not kidding around. A tail.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's not true, I swear to you.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, when you say a tail.

[Kevin Nealon]

What do you mean? You mean they had.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's like the coccyx.

[Kevin Nealon]

The bone. The tailbone was extended.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was like a Doberman pincher tail.

[Kevin Nealon]

What are you talking about?

[Conan O'Brien]

A little, like, cut off.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't believe that's cut off.

[Conan O'Brien]

It kind of looked like that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, great. Well, that'll help. On a podcast. Wait.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, and this is. This is so you don't get it wrong. That's the butt. It's more like that.

[Kevin Nealon]

What are you doing? What are you talking about? You did not. You did not. It's a tale, first of all, terrible drawing from, actually, a very talented artist. That's the worst thing you've ever drawn.

[Conan O'Brien]

My book is out now called I Exaggerate My Brushes With Fame.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

A lot of caricature paintings that I do. None of you in there. I know you're a friend. You're a friend.

[Kevin Nealon]

Guess what? All of them. And I think I'm readily caricatured with my hair, my jawline. There's so many things to have fun with, and you didn't do one of me.

[Conan O'Brien]

I am so done with this topic right now.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, come on. Let's just talk. Can we talk as two adults for a change?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, let's do that.

[Sona Movsesian]

Can you?

[Kevin Nealon]

Let's do that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sona, you stay out of this.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't even know why she's in here.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know why you need a backup like Sona. I come in here with nobody, and you got all these people, like your posse.

[Kevin Nealon]

This is my whack pack right here. This is my whack pack.

[Conan O'Brien]

So I almost saw you at Sundance the other day.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I was at Sundance helping to promote a film that I'm hearing. It's called if I Had Legs, I'd Kick youk. It's written and directed.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's the movie called?

[Kevin Nealon]

Incredible. Incredible. It stars the beautiful and very talented Rose Byrne, and it was a very fun experience. And then you texted me that you were there, but I was leaving town after I got your text.

[Conan O'Brien]

You were there for only, like, a couple hours, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

Seriously? Yeah, I was. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Geez. You had the car running.

[Kevin Nealon]

I had to get. I, I, I went. I'm very busy right now. I've got a lot of irons in the fire, a lot of pots of stew cooking at the same time.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you have other projects going besides this podcast?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, I'm hosting the Oscars.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, by the way, congratulations on. I think I already texted you about that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, you said, either it will. You said, this is a quote. It will either go well or it will go badly. Both are distinct possibilities. That's a, That's a quote. That' but it is true. That is. It's true. It is absolutely true. And I read that aloud. I was laughing so hard because when someone. You're very talented. This. You get on the knife's edge of absolute truth. So I'm talking to you, and you were saying, how's it going?

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hey, you know, I'm working on this Oscars thing, but the mood in this town keeps changing. There's a lot happening. I'm worried about how it's gonna go. And you wrote back. Most people would say, oh, you'll be fine. You're a funny guy. You'll figure it out. You wrote back, it will go well or it will go badly, period. Both are distinct possibilities.

[Conan O'Brien]

And true.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, and true. It was very true.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because I know what you think, how you think it's gonna go, because I know you so well.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah? And how's that?

[Conan O'Brien]

You tell me. No, it's gonna go. You think it's gonna go horrible?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I don't think it's gonna go really. It's gonna go horribly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Horribly.

[Kevin Nealon]

Because I actually finished school, Kevin. I Love you. I really do. But I wish you were educated. I wish you were horribly. No, I'm horribly. You're so.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Thanks for asking me the movie I'm executive producing at Sundance.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Yeah, tell me about that.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's the book?

[Kevin Nealon]

Is it called.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's called Come See Me in the Good Light. It's a story, Conan, about these two lovers, poets. Oh, and you're executive produce? Go ahead, say what you're saying, then I'll continue.

[Kevin Nealon]

I just love that you're executive producing. Something about real emotions and passion. It's just funny. It's like, how do you know it's real emotions?

[Conan O'Brien]

Let me finish.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's like if it's a laser printer wrote a love poem. I'm sorry you don't have a sincere phone in your body and you're an executive producing a love story. I can't wait to see it. Bleep, bleep, bloop, bloop.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's the name of your film, by the way?

[Kevin Nealon]

If I Had Legs, I'd kick you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, yeah, that's right up your alley.

[Kevin Nealon]

That is so you right there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Anyway, tell us about. Go, go, go, go. I'll be good, I promise.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's the name of the movie? The daca.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's called There Was a Time and She Was There.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, I'm gonna tell it to you again. Try to listen this time. Pay attention.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay. What is the name of your movie?

[Conan O'Brien]

It's called Come See Me in the Good Light.

[Kevin Nealon]

Come See Me in the Good Light.

[Conan O'Brien]

Beautiful. Are you writing this down?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yep. Come See Me in the Good Light.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's a love story about these two poets. And one of them is diagnosed with an incurable illness. And it's pretty much the exploration of their life, their love, their mortality, and life's moments. And once you see it, it'll kind of change your life. Okay, that's maybe not your life. Cause you don't have one bone of love or.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's not true.

[Conan O'Brien]

Mortality. That's not true. Or life moments. That's not true.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm excited for this project and I'm going to repeat the title. Come See Me in the Good.

[Conan O'Brien]

In the Good Light.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's right.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's about Andrea Gibson, the poet I figured, and her lover, Megan Fowey. It's directed by Ryan White. It's by Jessica Hargrave and Teig Notaro.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, I love taking.

[Conan O'Brien]

I knew that when you brought up.

[Kevin Nealon]

Finally, someone I. I really love. Take. Let me ask you a question here, but as I'm here to let you ask me questions as executive producer. What did you do with this powerful. And it sounds like a very powerful, tragic love story. What did you do?

[Conan O'Brien]

It's tragic. It's uplifting.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, okay. You're right. They probably gave you a note. Don't say tragic.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's. I'm the one giving out the notes.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh. So. But what do you do as executive producer?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I invest in it, I support it, I come on podcasts. This is your month viewer that is open minded and listens. Yeah, I did put my money into it, along with my wife Susan.

[Kevin Nealon]

Susan's great.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is that.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know what I say? I'm looking at two pages.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is that anything to do with a podcast or that you're two pages?

[Kevin Nealon]

It says, Kevin Nealon, 2025 podcast research. There is not one mention in here of your movie. And yet you're here now promoting something that is not mentioned in your research. I find that either a huge failing on our part or negligence on your part. Who's the guilty party?

[Conan O'Brien]

B. It's B.

[Kevin Nealon]

So you didn't.

[Conan O'Brien]

I have nothing to do with it. I know I don't.

[Kevin Nealon]

Does this movie even exist?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I'm just. I needed something to talk about when I came here, so I. I saw some of the films that were playing at Sundance. No, I'm all over that thing. I invested in it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then. And without that, it wouldn't have gotten made unless you invested in it. But no, you went with the kicking with the legs thing.

[Kevin Nealon]

Five legs. I'd kick you. I didn't put a dime into it.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's the name your character in this so called movie?

[Kevin Nealon]

Chip Chutley.

[Conan O'Brien]

Chip Chutley?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I never thought there'd be a name worse than Conan O'Brien. And now you just told it to me.

[Kevin Nealon]

What you said reminded me of a story. I don't think I've told this story, but once. I'm interviewing Jon Lovitz, John Lovitz, your compatriot on the. On Saturday Night Live, and he was promoting a comedy club. Remember when Jon Lovitz had a comedy club here in.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, on CityWalk?

[Kevin Nealon]

On CityWalk, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

It used to be BB Kings.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. And then he turned it into a comedy club and it had like a tropical theme. Yeah, but Jon Lovitz had this comedy club and he. In the first, he had two segments. In the first segment he was like, it's a great comedy club, Conan, and everyone's gotta check it out. You gotta See it, it's gangbusters. And he was going on and on about the comedy club. And then we went to commercial and the band's playing and he leaned over and he went, no one's coming to the club. You gotta help, you gotta invest. He said that during the commercial break. And I'm like, what? And he went, no, you want to come in on it? I mean, we're sort of treading water right now, but we're going down. And I'm like, what? Really? And he was like, come on. You know. And I said, well, I have to talk to my accountant. And then he was like, well, talk to your accountant. You gotta come in fast. Cause I don't know how long we can hang on for. And then just then I get the signal and I went, hey, we're back. And he went, oh, I gotta tell you, it's going gangbusters.

[Conan O'Brien]

Was this back in the 40s?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I swear to God, that really happened. And every now and then something happens. It's a Larry Sanders moment. There's nothing quite like the feeling of an upgrade when you're traveling. Well, as a T Mobile customer, you can take the perks with you. Check this out. Whether you're going on a weekend getaway to the mountains or let's say you're on a dream vacation, or in my case, a work trip to Thailand. It's just fantastic. Let me explain. It starts the moment you take off with free in flight Wi fi so you can stream your favorite show on the go. I mean that's incredible.

[Sona Movsesian]

That is actually pretty sweet.

[Kevin Nealon]

I love that. I mean that's insane. I'm always there with my credit card, you know, I can't figure it out. I lose the credit card, the phone is stolen, someone punches me, you start crying. I cry a lot. When you land, T Mobile's got you covered with 15% off all Hilton brands. Plus you're covered with 5 gigabytes of.5 gigabytes. That's more than 4 of high speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. With the Go 5G or next plans. These are just a few of the perks that feel like big wins when you travel with T Mobile and it's nice to stay connected to your family. I travel a lot. I do these travel shows and if I'm filming another country, I know I can get to my family right away. They usually don't want to speak to me.

[Sona Movsesian]

But they screen your calls a lot, don't they?

[Kevin Nealon]

I suspect them of screening, yes. Find out how you can experience travel better@t mobile.com travel today. Qualifying Plan required. WI Fi where available on select US Airlines. Terms and conditions apply. Pretty chilly out there, wintertime.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, it is.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know what I like about wintertime? I'm gonna tell you anyway. I like sitting around with my pals, my good buddies, my posse. And I like cracking open a cold one. You know, whether it's a holiday gathering, office parties, or a fireside conversation. Football Sundays. Oh, I love football Sundays with the gang.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sure.

[Sona Movsesian]

Dude, you're such a jock.

[Kevin Nealon]

I am a jock. The old jockaroo they used to call me. Winter means more moments with the coolest people in your life. It really does. And making these moments even better with Miller Light, the great tasting light beer for people who love beer. If you like love beer, it's gotta be Miller Lite.

[Sona Movsesian]

You gotta do that one.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'll tell you why I like Miller Lite. It's brewed for taste, okay? It hits different than the other light beers. It's made with simple ingredients. Let me list them for you. Oh. Malted barley for rich, balanced toffee note flavors and the iconic golden color, you know, and I like that it's 96 calories. And I actually wanted to know how many carbs it was, so I did this myself in a lab. Oh. It's 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Kevin Nealon]

How did you do that? It's very complicated. I can't describe it all to you now, Sunny. You'd never understand. But it involves.

[Sona Movsesian]

All right.

[Kevin Nealon]

Petri dishes in flame. Anyway, Miller Lite, it's great taste. It's 96 calories. Go to millerlight.comconan to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Mirror Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. Hey, if you go into a place that sells beer and they don't have mirror light, tell them, hey, guess what? You don't really sell beer, do you? Tastes like Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. You know, one of the hardest parts about B2B marketing is reaching the right audience. You put so much effort into a campaign only for it to get wasted on the wrong people. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's ridiculous.

[Sona Movsesian]

It's crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, it's like, hey, Santa Claus, get your bathing suit over here.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Nealon]

Hey, he doesn't need a bathing suit. He's up at the North Pole. What? Did I waste my time For.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, and he's got elves.

[Kevin Nealon]

Exactly.

[Sona Movsesian]

They can make it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, you're ruining the point I was trying to make. Yes. No. One of the hardest parts about B2B marketing is reaching the right audience. You put so much effort into a campaign only for it to get wasted on the wrong people. Fortunately, LinkedIn is a network of over 1 billion businessy people who might actually be interested in your business. You can target your buyers by job title, industry, company role, seniority skills or company revenue. So stop wasting budget on the wrong audience and start targeting the right professionals with LinkedIn ads. LinkedIn will give you a hundred dollar credit on your next campaign. So you can try it yourself. Just go to LinkedIn.com teamcoco that's LinkedIn.com teamcoco Terms and conditions apply only on LinkedIn ads.

[Conan O'Brien]

Tell me about yourself.

[Kevin Nealon]

I will if you stop. You're the. You're drawing.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're hoping it's a picture of you.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, but it's not. I didn't think it was a picture of me.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is a picture of you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay. No, go ahead.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just keep talking.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay. Anyway, I enjoy talking to you. I never quite know what's gonna happen. I'm always handed research, but it doesn't seem to line up with anything we talk about. Who would have research for Kevin Nealon? You're promoting a movie that I don't know if it exists or not. Please step into the lights.

[Conan O'Brien]

By the way, I wanna thank you for doing my hiking show, what, two or three times? Hiking with Kevin now streaming on Fox Nation.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, it's another thing that's not mentioned in the research. I don't know what's going on. I don't know why there' on you that. That.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? I'm not all about boasting what I do. You like to have everything in print. You like to have direct everybody to what you're doing. Yeah. You do a podcast.

[Kevin Nealon]

What did you draw? You said you were drawing me.

[Conan O'Brien]

I just started.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, are those testicles?

[Kevin Nealon]

Are those.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know.

[Kevin Nealon]

What is that?

[Matt Gourley]

I think you're burying the leaf.

[Conan O'Brien]

You got a dirty mind.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, that's a dick.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, that's a dirty mind right there.

[Kevin Nealon]

How is this me? How is this me in any way?

[Conan O'Brien]

Can I finish it?

[Kevin Nealon]

I'd rather you not finish it.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I'll make it bigger.

[Sona Movsesian]

I'd like him to finish it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay. Yeah, I think that's a portrait of old prick Face Johnson. But anyway, keep going. You're. I don't know why we have you Back.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's always, I don't know why I come here.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, you gotta go somewhere.

[Conan O'Brien]

So what were you gonna say? No, seriously, I love comedy. Isn't it great? There's so many different facets to it and styles.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And somebody lasts me once, they'll say. Or a lot of times they'll say, do you think so? And so is funny? You know who I'm talking about? And I'll say, well, it's subjective, you know, you can't say somebody's not funny if they're bringing in people and people are laughing. And I disagree.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think you can say someone's not funny to you.

[Conan O'Brien]

They're not funny.

[Kevin Nealon]

I. I just. I'm very. I. I'm very. If I think someone's really not funny, I think they're unfunny. The way. Yeah, yeah. The way, you know, water is a liquid and a solid is something you can put your hand on.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think it's speaking for everybody.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think it's immutable when someone's really unfunny, and then I think there's a whole gray area. But there are some people that just know they're not funny and there's just nothing that can be done.

[Conan O'Brien]

So wouldn't it be nice if you would stand out in front of, like, a venue and people are coming in to see that person you don't think is funny, and just warn them and say, you don't need to see this person.

[Kevin Nealon]

I wouldn't go in if I were you. It's a mistake. It's a waste of time. I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't go see this person.

[Conan O'Brien]

But don't you say it's, like, objective. Don't you think that. Because what Sona thinks is funny, which is apparently everything you say, she's given.

[Kevin Nealon]

You a lot of good chuckles, too, so I would.

[Sona Movsesian]

She makes me laugh a lot.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

We call her low barum obsession. It's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sona, do you disagree with Conan about that statement that I'm.

[Sona Movsesian]

No, I agree with him.

[Kevin Nealon]

There are some people that you do because you weren't funny for him.

[Sona Movsesian]

No, I just. I'm an easy laugher. But then I also, when I don't laugh, I think it stings even more, probably. Right?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

When you're not laughing, you know, you've really shit the bed.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, first of all, you're both wrong. Okay? It's subjective.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay?

[Conan O'Brien]

It is subjective because I'll say something. You know, if you're going by this guideline, like, no, this is not funny, because you know this and that. But someone's laughing, you're pretty much telling them that they're idiots for laughing at that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I would say that to people. If they were laughing at the wrong thing, I'd say, you're a bunch of fools.

[Conan O'Brien]

What about drama?

[Kevin Nealon]

What are you doing? What are you. This is valuable time. Do you know how the. The.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. I know a lot of people would die to be on this show.

[Kevin Nealon]

A lot of people would give their left nut, which apparently you're drawing, to be on this podcast, and you come here and you diddle away the hour. Why? Why do you do it? Is it a.

[Conan O'Brien]

First of all, diddling is not a bad thing. Diddling is like meditating.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, that's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

Have you ever meditated?

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm not good at it. I've tried, but I'm.

[Conan O'Brien]

How can you not be bad at it? You fall out of the chair. What happens?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I just. My mind wanders. It's constantly wandering. I get too restless. I got to keep moving. I got it. And then there's. You're sitting there by yourself. You're not hearing any laughs, and then you start to wonder, am I even alive? Then you got to get out there and just hear the security thing. Probably. Yeah. If I don't hear the laughter, I don't know what to do.

[Conan O'Brien]

I get that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Do you. Do you do a lot of meditating? Because you seem.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I diddle. I'm a diddler.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, well.

[Conan O'Brien]

Which also requires a chair when you diddle.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, can we please just talk about.

[Conan O'Brien]

Something that has some meaning?

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm doing the best I can.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm sitting here.

[Kevin Nealon]

How?

[Conan O'Brien]

All the way down here. Because apparently you couldn't get a guest.

[Kevin Nealon]

We prize you as a guest. You know that you're beloved on this show, I think, and someone step in here. But I believe one or two of your appearances are some of the most loved on the entire podcast.

[Conan O'Brien]

Should we watch a clip?

[Kevin Nealon]

Jesus, I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I'm saying go ahead.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, no, your episodes always do great from here. And then the clips on YouTube and.

[Kevin Nealon]

The clips on social media are some.

[Conan O'Brien]

Of our most popular. For sure. I'll have to start watching the show. Yeah, no, I'd love to see it. Hey, you ever think that, hey, I'm at the top of my game right now.

[Kevin Nealon]

I have moments where I think I'm in a flow state, you know what I'm saying? Where one moment's leading to the Next. Today's not my day. I think you're having a rough time, too. But you know what's gonna happen? Never tell an audience they're getting a bad show. No, no.

[Conan O'Brien]

Rule number one, I say I'm the top of my game. You guys are really lucky tonight.

[Kevin Nealon]

What an asshole.

[Conan O'Brien]

Tomorrow.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you say that during your show?

[Conan O'Brien]

Of course I do. Because people don't know what's funny, apparently, according to you.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, no. Some people. Some know. Many people do.

[Conan O'Brien]

But here's the other end of that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you ever think this is, if I died now, I'd have some great people coming to my funeral and making some great eulogies?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, I do think about that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because if you live too long. Yes, there won't. There'll be less people.

[Kevin Nealon]

I've thought about this too, and I'm not kidding. I've thought about if I went now, and I hope I don't. I hope it's like another week or two, but you'd have. There'd be a lot of funny people coming, and there'd be some people being very funny. But if I stick around too long, that's an empty room.

[Conan O'Brien]

No one's coming.

[Kevin Nealon]

No one's coming.

[Conan O'Brien]

Even if they're not dead, they're not coming.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. And if Sona lives like. If Sona lives, like a block away, she's not coming.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, Sona will probably be the director of your funeral.

[Kevin Nealon]

I would say you'll be involved in it. You and David hopping will probably have a lot to do.

[Sona Movsesian]

Sure.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Sona Movsesian]

I do, as a joke, want you to be buried in the cemetery you don't want to be buried in.

[Kevin Nealon]

We've talked about this.

[Sona Movsesian]

I know. So that's.

[Kevin Nealon]

I do not want to be buried. What's it called? Forest.

[Sona Movsesian]

At the forest line, off the 134 freeway.

[Kevin Nealon]

There's a freeway. There's one that, that's what they call.

[Conan O'Brien]

It now, by the way. Off the 134 freeway. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I, I, I know that people that pass away here are buried there and they look down and they, they're baking in the sun and they're looking down on the freeway. I don't want that. I want to be just left in a field, you know.

[Matt Gourley]

Above ground.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, above ground.

[Conan O'Brien]

Will you be buried with headphones on? No.

[Kevin Nealon]

Not gonna be buried with headphones on. I don't think podcasting has been my major contribution. I don't think that would mean that I saw myself as a podcaster. No. I see myself as an artist. So I Would want.

[Conan O'Brien]

Would you wear a V neck sweater at all?

[Kevin Nealon]

I would not. I would not wear it because when I start to decompose, you would. You're gonna be in your casket in a V neck sweater with no T shirt.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why do people even wear clothes in a casket? It. Where are they going? You know what I mean?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Once that lid is closed, strip them down, send them on their way.

[Kevin Nealon]

I mean, when they open. When it's an open casket. Yes, it's under. But you're saying once the casket's about to be closed, they should get everyone. Everyone out of the room and then get the suit and all the stuff off of them.

[Conan O'Brien]

Get the stuff off and donate it. Yeah, and then keep it for yourself.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's a good. You know what? Of all the celebrity movements that. I think that would be a very unusual one for you to lead the charge on nude burials and donate the clothes and the watch and the ring.

[Conan O'Brien]

You've decided to be buried. That's your.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, no, no.

[Conan O'Brien]

Still up in the air.

[Kevin Nealon]

No. I have a friend, Robin Flender, who wants to be used. He wants to be used as a dummy in like a horror movie, a throw dummy. And so when he dies, he wants to be in a scene where he's like thrown out of a seven story building and fall. And I think that's just genius because he's a director, he's a really funny guy, and he wants that. He really wants that.

[Conan O'Brien]

And we get. Would he get his SAG insurance for that?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, and he'd get a payment. I'm sure there's some kind of residuals. But he wants to be a throw. A throw dummy in a movie that gets tossed off a building. And I think that's a great idea.

[Conan O'Brien]

Would it be like a Mission Impossible or a horror movie or something like.

[Kevin Nealon]

That where someone's like, the actor's pushed and then you cut away to the body falling, and that's my friend Rodman falling through space and then hits the ground and then cut to a closeup of the actor lying there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you watch? Do you go on Instagram? Just vodka or is it water?

[Kevin Nealon]

Clearly it's vodka. You're not making a lot of sense. No one follows a conversational thread like you.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, listen.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you think it's a cyst in your mind? What do you think it is?

[Conan O'Brien]

I do actually have a sebaceous. No, it's not a sebaceous cyst. It's a. Oh, what's it called? It's called a. Can I Come back tomorrow. It's called a. Anyway, it's kind of a tumor.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, that's terrible. I'm sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, it's not. It's not. It's not a tumor.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's not that tumor.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it's. For some reason, I can't think of the name of it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Anyway, it's probably blocking that part of your brain, which is why you can't think of it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Say that flower with the thorns on it.

[Sona Movsesian]

The rose.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's right. Hey, Rose, what was the name of the tomb?

[Kevin Nealon]

All right. You're such an idiot.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's an old joke.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're such an idiot.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, that's an old joke.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, listen.

[Conan O'Brien]

So what I was going to say, if I may have a moment. May I have a moment?

[Kevin Nealon]

Such an idiot. My eye is resting on the microphone.

[Conan O'Brien]

It looks like you're a scientist looking at the microscope.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm looking for intelligent life in this podcast and I see nothing.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, that. The name was right on the tip of my tongue. Now it's up on the roof of my mouth. Okay, back to the Muller. So, hey, do you have a child's.

[Kevin Nealon]

Joke book with you? Is it hidden?

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you ever start?

[Kevin Nealon]

What's Green and what they Want? Casper the Friendly Pickle, I have a question for you. All right, sure.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'll finish what I was saying later.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, finish up, finish up, finish up, finish up.

[Conan O'Brien]

Have you ever been scrolling on Instagram and you come across these posts that are people dying?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I haven't seen those at all. What are you talking about?

[Sona Movsesian]

What's up with your algorithm?

[Kevin Nealon]

What are you talking about?

[Conan O'Brien]

Is there. Oh, is that why I keep getting.

[Matt Gourley]

You must have chosen something similar to that to get.

[Conan O'Brien]

Get that. Oh, my God, that's embarrassing. I am not on Instagram.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm not on Instagram.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're not on Instagram.

[Kevin Nealon]

Stuff.

[Matt Gourley]

Films on Instagram.

[Kevin Nealon]

So. So this is. What is it?

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, people dying.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do people take videotape of people in their last moments?

[Conan O'Brien]

Some sick, like, you know, person who happens to have those cameras on the freeway or whatever, and a guy hitting the truck and.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, that's called Faces of Death, I think.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, it's like that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, it's so it's someone who's trying to get across the train tracks just in time, but the train hits them and there's a camera, or they're pushed, you know?

[Conan O'Brien]

And then there was this one I just saw yesterday. I watched it, like 10 times. It is a guy with one of those suits that jumps off the cliff, you know, A squirrel suit. And he's going far. He's going far.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And he's fast, and he goes right by the camera, and then down in the canyon and smack right into a wall.

[Kevin Nealon]

And this is a real person.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

So. And, you know, you watch these, and now the algorithm knows this is what she wants. You're going to keep getting these. You're going to keep getting people dying.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And you know what? I got rid of my squirrel suit right after seeing it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

I did. I. Seriously, man. And I wasn't going off high cliffs. I was, like, going off the couch and stuff. All right, well, this was that guy, you know. Take a break. We'll be right back.

[Kevin Nealon]

Unbelievable. No, no.

[Sona Movsesian]

You watched it 10 times.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know how many times it was, because I couldn't believe it. Another one was these people up on I hate the cliffs. Anything high up on a cliff.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Somehow it lands in front of me at this guy, and this woman. The woman jumps off like she's free falling, and she's going to pull her shoot, but she kept falling and falling. And then the two guys look at each other on top, shake their head, and they look over the cliff, and she's gone. No squirrel suit, nothing.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wait, so she jumped off? Why did she jump off with nothing?

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know. It's like, you know, maybe she thought there was a bungee cord or something attached to her.

[Matt Gourley]

Some of these might be fake, too.

[Kevin Nealon]

You should look out for.

[Conan O'Brien]

Really? Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Also, sorry. I'm sorry to bring the bad news. Also, can I point out the thing that sticks to me in that story is you say, woman jumps off a cliff, two friends are watching her fall, and then they just look at each other and shake their head. That's the reaction you give when you want almond butter. You open the refrigerator, there's peanut butter, but no almond butter. Shake your head and shut the door. That is not an accurate reaction. I think you're one of the two guys, because that's the reaction you would have. Like, no, no, didn't happen. I don't like any of this. I don't want to watch someone die. If I want to see someone die. I'll check out your set at the Laugh Factory. We'll take a break. Zim zam zoom. Zim zam zang. Zim zam zoom.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's back up. Let's back up to something. When you're finished with your silly, childish.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

Look at me, Bits. You're doing.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know.

[Kevin Nealon]

I guess I'm the only guy that says, look at me.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know your style.

[Kevin Nealon]

What's that?

[Conan O'Brien]

I know exactly.

[Kevin Nealon]

Let's hear a little bit about my style.

[Conan O'Brien]

I've been listening to you lately. Lately since I stopped listening to.

[Kevin Nealon]

We've been friends since 1988.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, but I think there's something to you now. I know how you work. I know you're just waiting for somebody to say something so you could just run with some venting bit and just go. And Sona is just encouraging you to keep going. And then it dies down. And then there's a last minute thought. You go back into it again. And the guest is just sitting there and the whole whack back is laughing at you.

[Kevin Nealon]

You're saying, I know how you work. I know how you work. I see what you're up to there. I see what you're up to. I see what you're up to, Picasso. I see what you're doing. You're doing your sketches and it's really beautiful and amazing. And then you keep going. And then you finish it and everyone's like, wow. And then you sell it for a lot of money. I get what you're up to. And then you have a mistress.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

[Kevin Nealon]

Exactly. You're watching an artist at work.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can I go back to something? Can I go back to something? That really struck me for a second, that really surprised me. Almond butter. Yeah. Do you use almond butter? I do use almond butter here instead of peanut butter. I know it's healthier.

[Kevin Nealon]

I like it, though. I like the taste better.

[Conan O'Brien]

Peanut butter with jam.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Strawberry. My wife always complains that I leave jam everywhere. It's on the handle to the refrigerator. It's on the steering wheel of the car. Because it's tough to get off the strawberry jam.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, some people have accused you in the past of taking. When the conversation's really on fire. And I'm. Yeah. And I'm like really killing it that you stop it. And then take us into a less productive world just to punish me, which would be. Sometimes I get a little bit of jam. And starting with the bit again. Here comes the bit.

[Conan O'Brien]

Three within two minutes. Three bits.

[Kevin Nealon]

Running away. My wife. My wife doesn't like it so much. Cause there's a little bit of jam around. Is the energy sufficiently lowered in the room now? Is Conan. Have we cooled his jets enough now? I think we have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Conan, what else you got? And then I gotta start from scratch. That's what you just did.

[Conan O'Brien]

Are you done with the third bit you did in the last two minutes? I expected you to jump on that and help me with it and make it a little more dynamic and funny, but you just cut me apart.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, no. Have a little slice of fuck you pie is what I say. You're not getting anything from me.

[Conan O'Brien]

So how are you? Would we be good on a road.

[Kevin Nealon]

Trip, you and I? Yeah, I think we'd do pretty well.

[Conan O'Brien]

Who would drive first?

[Kevin Nealon]

I think I would drive.

[Conan O'Brien]

Would it be a silly.

[Kevin Nealon]

Because you blink a lot. I don't trust you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sometimes I leave the blinking on.

[Kevin Nealon]

Nice.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, how many hours would we drive a day?

[Kevin Nealon]

I like to get a lot of road under me, so to speak. So I'm one of those guys that I like to log a lot of miles and I get a little OCD about it. Like, I want to just. If someone says, hey, let's. Let's stop for a while and maybe this is enough for today. I want to always. I'm that guy that always wants to go another two hours.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, finally we're connecting on something. I like to go little bits. You know, you try to get to wherever you're going in one day, even if it's cross country.

[Kevin Nealon]

I wouldn't do that.

[Conan O'Brien]

You wouldn't? Would you stay in an expensive hotel or would you stay, like, in a Motel 6?

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, I think I'd split the difference there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's say you only had $500 to get where you're going.

[Kevin Nealon]

Then I think I wouldn't be staying in a very expensive hotel.

[Conan O'Brien]

See, you're not helping me. I'm giving you an opening.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, these are your openings.

[Conan O'Brien]

To be funny.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, these are the. These are the gems.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, everybody would say they're the gems, but you apparently are thinking about your last bit that you did.

[Kevin Nealon]

Wait, you can't just say, hey, hey, Conan, you like coconuts?

[Conan O'Brien]

Would you ask me?

[Kevin Nealon]

Coconuts are okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Am I right about the way.

[Kevin Nealon]

How do you like to open a.

[Conan O'Brien]

Coconut thing and just go and run?

[Kevin Nealon]

I'd like to open a coconut. I don't really know, Kevin. I haven't really done it a lot, but I guess I'd use like some kind of a blade or something.

[Conan O'Brien]

What music would you give me?

[Kevin Nealon]

Gems Here. What are you doing?

[Conan O'Brien]

Can we. What music will we listen to in the car or your truck? Whatever we're taking.

[Kevin Nealon]

We'd take my truck, my Toyota truck.

[Conan O'Brien]

Couple of bikes in the back.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, we would have a couple of bikes in the back.

[Conan O'Brien]

Coolers.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I Know that you're a guy that likes James Taylor. You like stuff.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I like everything now.

[Kevin Nealon]

Not so much. You are pretty much locked in the Brandi Carlisle.

[Conan O'Brien]

She's also an EP on this movie I just did called Katsumi in the Good Light Will be out soon.

[Kevin Nealon]

Late 60s, 70s. I think that's your. I don't think you listen to a lot of modern music. I honestly don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're right, my brother.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm honest with you now. I'm being honest, all right? My brother listens to 60s, and I'm thinking, I'm not going to listen to that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Man.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's just too. That's giving up, you know? And then I start listening to it. I go, yeah, I like this. I like this. Sweet Cherry Wine by Tommy James and the Shondells. Yeah, you know, maybe that's 70s, but can you just ask me something serious that you really want to know about me? And I swear to God I will tell you exactly, and let's see if you can handle it.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay? As you know, I know you, and I know your family. I know your lovely wife, your very handsome, cool son that.

[Conan O'Brien]

You don't even know his name.

[Kevin Nealon]

Gable.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay? You don't need to, like, spread it around. Geez, why don't you just give my PIN number?

[Kevin Nealon]

And I see you. I've known different incarnations of you, but I see you as a guy that now gets a lot of satisfaction out of your wonderful family. And I think that that is. I'm happy for you in that regard.

[Conan O'Brien]

Done. Done. I don't really hear a question, though. Why is it so difficult to break through to you when you don't even want to. Because you don't want to know.

[Kevin Nealon]

Because I don't want to know. I don't want to know.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's too difficult for you to.

[Kevin Nealon]

You do.

[Conan O'Brien]

You'd be the worst interrogator. You won't even ask the question to the.

[Kevin Nealon]

I am famously a good interviewer. I'm a very good interviewer. I'm one of. I think that's a skill I have. You're the only person I've ever known that's accused me of being a terrible interviewer.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, let's say I'm a suspect.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay?

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm in the interrogation room.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay?

[Conan O'Brien]

Somebody just robbed a Brink's truck. It wasn't me. What'd you say to that?

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, it sounds like you're innocent to me. You're free to go. I'd say I'd Ask you a couple of questions. Were you near the bank, the Brinks truck, when it was robbed?

[Conan O'Brien]

No.

[Kevin Nealon]

You weren't in the neighborhood?

[Conan O'Brien]

No. No.

[Kevin Nealon]

And where were you?

[Conan O'Brien]

Good question. You think a suspect never says that to the charity? That's a good question. All right, let me go back to that. That statement that you mentioned about my family.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Very lucky. I do. I do love them, and I'm so fortunate to have them. And I think you feel the same way about your family. Do you? I think you do.

[Kevin Nealon]

Sure. Yeah. They're great. I prefer your family. It's an amazing family.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't believe you.

[Kevin Nealon]

You are an enigma. A little bit to me. I don't quite understand you. I admire you, but I don't quite understand you. And I know that you don't really understand me.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think we're both hiding our true feelings, not just from each other, but from a lot of people. I think we want to be lonely.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh. I have a question for you. Have you cried in the in room? Do you cry?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Cause I don't cry.

[Conan O'Brien]

I cried at this movie. Come see me in the good light.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, Stop doing that.

[Conan O'Brien]

What?

[Kevin Nealon]

Doing what?

[Conan O'Brien]

You ask me if I cry.

[Kevin Nealon]

That is so low.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you know what's great about it? It's laughter and crying.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's like unexpected humor.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, it's just humor.

[Conan O'Brien]

But I do cry.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you cry? Seriously? I'm being honest now.

[Conan O'Brien]

Who doesn't cry?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't cry a lot. I don't think I cry a lot.

[Conan O'Brien]

So you hold it in?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't think I'm even holding it in. It just doesn't happen, I think.

[Sona Movsesian]

I don't think I. I think I've only seen you cry, like, a couple times.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

When you heard the news about the Oscars, posting that, did you cry?

[Kevin Nealon]

I did. I'm still crying.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what's interesting? When Eric Idle. Our friend Eric Idle, the brilliant Eric Idle. Yeah. Can we talk about this? He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, he was.

[Conan O'Brien]

And he said he had. Couldn't even think about it or had no reaction emotionally. But then when he heard that it wasn't Pinkyard and he was fine, he cried.

[Kevin Nealon]

What? I could see that. The relief. Yeah, the relief.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. You're holding it in and you have all that stuff.

[Kevin Nealon]

He got a death sentence, and then he got a reprieve. And he's famously. Of course he's famously grew up.

[Conan O'Brien]

He's funny.

[Kevin Nealon]

World War II, in that generation after that was rationing and repression and all Kinds of stuff. So, yeah, I could see him.

[Conan O'Brien]

And did he tell you about his father? What happened to his dad? No, he came back from the war. They'd been gone from the war, got into their neighborhood, crossed the street, got hit by a truck.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, a lorry, as they call him. Yeah, that's the name of a truck in England.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, an elevator is a.

[Conan O'Brien]

See how I'm bringing his neck up again?

[Kevin Nealon]

That's a terrible story. I didn't know that. Yeah, and maybe I heard it, but I didn't process it.

[Conan O'Brien]

You didn't care about it?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, it's not that I didn't care about it, but I. I don't think I knew that. No, I. I may have known that because I know that. I read. I've read a lot about him. I just don't remember that part.

[Conan O'Brien]

You should have some video games that the guest can play.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know what? Can I just say, you just brought it back to someone being killed suddenly. Yeah, I bet you're just bitter there's no video of it.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, I went to school for marketing. I have a degree, a B.S. degree in marketing. And of course, you know, doctor, honorary doctorate, humane Letters. But what was I going to say?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know. It was a Cracker Jack opening.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, I have a doctor.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, wow. Okay. The giggles are boiling. The giggles are on the boil. The turtles are on the fire. Will it help you in any way? Do you.

[Conan O'Brien]

A size 7? Do you?

[Kevin Nealon]

You don't. I think at your core you have no respect for me. I really do. I think at your core you have no respect for me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just amazed.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, we've talked about this. You can't believe.

[Conan O'Brien]

Will you listen to me? I'm not even going in that direction.

[Kevin Nealon]

Just.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can you stop at the shirt? You are.

[Kevin Nealon]

You took the sweater.

[Conan O'Brien]

You don't want to see any more of my shirt.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't want to see any more.

[Conan O'Brien]

I should have wore a V neck.

[Kevin Nealon]

I've been there, okay? Just leave it alone. You're amazed. What's that? You're amazed at what?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I'm just amazed at how happy you are. And now you're telling me that you don't cry, and so maybe inside you're not, but, you know, it's such a relief. I think all of us will agree that it's a relief.

[Kevin Nealon]

You just buried that, connecting with your team. Maybe inside you're not.

[Conan O'Brien]

Isn't it great to cry? And it's such a release and it makes you less stressed and opens you up to, I think, to a happier life. And it shows that you're human and you have emotions.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's just human with an H. It's not human with a Y.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you know what Tig told me once? Tig notar?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

She said, you don't pronounce your H's when you say words. You know, it's like, you know, humor. It's humor. And then I thought, that's pretty, right? Because when I laugh, I don't pronounce my HS E. There's just. It is. It is. It is. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

But you're right. I don't. But how would you say herb?

[Kevin Nealon]

I'd say it's an herb.

[Conan O'Brien]

No horror.

[Kevin Nealon]

I wouldn't pronounce the H. I wouldn't say.

[Conan O'Brien]

There you go. Herb is a singer.

[Kevin Nealon]

Herb is a guy.

[Conan O'Brien]

So Herb is a guy. Do you think there's any herbs that grow herbs?

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you want to succeed? Do you want to succeed? Do you want to succeed on the podcast? Do you want to have a successful podcast? Are there any herbs that grow herbs? Have you, sir, at long last, no shame.

[Conan O'Brien]

Are there any herbs that are eaten by a guy named Herb?

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, I don't know what to do.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know what to do.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I think, you know, I was gonna come in here today thinking maybe now we could have a sensible discussion.

[Kevin Nealon]

We have a sense. I defy anyone. And again, I've probably said this before. I defy anyone out there to dissect what's been said in this marathon Bibble Babble session and find anything that connects to anything else.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you say Bibble Babble?

[Kevin Nealon]

I said Bibble Babble.

[Conan O'Brien]

I like the Dibble, and I like the Bibble Babble. I do both of those.

[Kevin Nealon]

What?

[Conan O'Brien]

You know me so well.

[Kevin Nealon]

Sure.

[Conan O'Brien]

You what? You're not paying attention.

[Kevin Nealon]

I feel like I'm trying to have a conversation. And I liken having a conversation with you. I liken it to, I'm jogging, and you're in a flatbed truck just ahead of me, throwing orange cones at my feet, trying to trip me and make me stumble.

[Conan O'Brien]

Have you done this before?

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, I've done this before. I have. I have.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why am I so confused that you can't carry out a conversation without going into a bit about Hippo, Bibble, or whatever it is?

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, I ask. I ask my friends, the Whack Pack, and you don't have to agree with me, but you analyze what's happening.

[Matt Gourley]

No way.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, Eduardo, what do you think's Happening here.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is he slipping or what? Is Conan slipping?

[Kevin Nealon]

What am I. Am I the someone? I'm asking anyone to intervene.

[Conan O'Brien]

Who would you believe more, a guy who cries and feels his emotions or a guy that keeps it in and just gets angry at everybody? It's consistent. Yeah. There you go. Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Kevin Nealon]

But Eduardo, when you. It's very unique when I talk to Kevin and I don't understand what's happening. Yeah. And I would love someone to explain it to me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. First of all, he's on your team.

[Kevin Nealon]

Nope.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm going to.

[Kevin Nealon]

Eduardo is not a fan. Eduardo is not a fan.

[Conan O'Brien]

He's not a fan. Okay.

[Kevin Nealon]

And nobody in this room. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was asked this question last time. Yes.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I'm asking you again.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I described it then. It happens often, doesn't it? I think as a beautiful train wreck. This feels like the person jumping off the bridge without the. Why does there have to be an analogy about everything? Why can't you say what it is?

[Kevin Nealon]

I think Eduardo just said.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't need an analogy. I understand English. Your humor is.

[Kevin Nealon]

This is freefall. This is free fall, and it's madness. And yet there will be advertisers. It will be connected to this.

[Matt Gourley]

You guys are a hall of mirrors. You're folding in on each other.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yes, yes.

[Matt Gourley]

Sorry for the analogy.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's the snake eating its tail. It's a snake eating its tail.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can we go with one analogy?

[Matt Gourley]

It's a snake throwing up its own tail.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. It's a snake throwing up in a hall of mirrors. That's what this is. And I tell you, sir. I tell you, sir, I'm the control in this experiment. I talk to many people and it goes very well. You come in and it always. Washing machine explodes and suds go flying everywhere. So you are the problem.

[Matt Gourley]

That can't be proven until he talks to a bunch of other people.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

You know, but who's going to want to do that?

[Conan O'Brien]

This is subjective. It's subjective.

[Kevin Nealon]

I can't reach. I can't reach.

[Conan O'Brien]

First of all, congratulations on the Mark Twain prize.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, thank you very much.

[Conan O'Brien]

But it is a prize. It's not an award. Seriously, a prize is like a Cracker Jack's toy, that. Am I right? It's a prize. Don't get all excited.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I'm not.

[Conan O'Brien]

Does it come in a box? Is it in a box?

[Kevin Nealon]

I feel I'm like a prize pig with a little ribbon. Yeah, I. Yeah, I. I appreciate that at first.

[Conan O'Brien]

You think it's a Mark Twain Award? You go.

[Kevin Nealon]

You.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're going to receive a Mark Twain prize.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, just dig through this. Dig through this Cracker Jack box.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was the honorary mayor.

[Kevin Nealon]

Where?

[Conan O'Brien]

Pacific Palisades.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, God. Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, that's way to bring it down, man. You asked me where.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's my fault.

[Conan O'Brien]

I specifically.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's my fault. You said I was the mayor.

[Conan O'Brien]

Honorary. I said honorary mayor.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's ridiculous.

[Conan O'Brien]

Honorary mayor. Honorary mayor.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's ridiculous. That's like. Oh, I was in Dallas. Oh, yeah. When. When Kennedy was shot. Why would you bring that up?

[Conan O'Brien]

Don't yell. I listen to you in the car, and you yell a lot. And I have to lower it.

[Sona Movsesian]

He does.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, you do if you're gonna reopen.

[Kevin Nealon]

But did you see what he did? He said I was the mayor.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

And I said, oh, cool. Where? And then he brings up a place where there was a terrible tragedy.

[Conan O'Brien]

I said I was the honorary mayor. Why would you even want to follow that up with anything? Look at me. Look at me.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm looking at you. You're the worst.

[Conan O'Brien]

Seriously. Seriously. Why would you open that can of worms?

[Kevin Nealon]

I guess it's my fault. I guess it's my fault.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, yeah. Do you think when you asked me that you knew where I used to live? You know, where I lived long. I know.

[Kevin Nealon]

I didn't know that that's where you were the honorary mayor. I'm sorry. I didn't know that.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, another opportunity for you to expose my life and my personal life and where I lived.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, well. But seriously, are you okay? Is everyone all right? Did your place. Did you.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was okay until I got here today.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right. But, you know, you just undermine me so much.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't think I do. I don't think I do.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's say this was our last life. Our last.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think this might be. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

We had a good run, man. Well, I worked hard. You got lucky.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think you believe that, too. And I think you're right. I think you're right.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think we both had a lot of luck.

[Kevin Nealon]

But you think I had a crazy amount of luck. And I think.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think you opened yourself up to luck. And boy, did you get it. No. Don't you think that's right, though? I think we both are unseemingly people that would be make to be a living.

[Kevin Nealon]

This is proof. This is proof. This podcast, I think, is proof that we are both incredibly lucky people that we've managed to scratch out livings in this business. And then this conversation is the height. Is the height of our you know what's crazy? What's that, pal? What is it? Give me something I can work with.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you think you call people pal more or buddy?

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm more of a pal guy. Hey, pal.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're a pal. Hey, pal. It's an east coast thing. Yeah, just keep. I'm just trying to remember the name of that tumor that I had.

[Kevin Nealon]

Do you really have something in your. Cause I know you have a lot of medical maladies.

[Conan O'Brien]

You've probably had no idea what. I have nothing.

[Kevin Nealon]

I saw you once and you said my shoulder, like, fell off. You were walking along and your shoulder fell off, and then you had a.

[Conan O'Brien]

I said I felt off the shoulder of the road.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's not true.

[Conan O'Brien]

Play it back.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, I'm.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. Let's go back to the question. This was our last day on the planet. We would open up to each other, right?

[Kevin Nealon]

I doubt.

[Conan O'Brien]

Would you cry then?

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think so. What would make you cry?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm still thinking about me staying here another minute.

[Kevin Nealon]

I think 30 seconds would do it.

[Conan O'Brien]

You've never seen a movie that made you cry?

[Kevin Nealon]

I. I have. Yeah. I have.

[Conan O'Brien]

So you lied to us.

[Kevin Nealon]

Well, yeah. No, no, no, no. I didn't say I never cried. I just don't cry often, that's all.

[Sona Movsesian]

You're not a big crier.

[Kevin Nealon]

I wish I cried more. I think I'd be a help. But I don't think I said I've never cried in my life. That would be a sociopath. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you cry when you were younger a lot?

[Kevin Nealon]

No. I remember. This is a true story. I was in the gym. I was wrestling a kid. We both fell backwards. I put my arm out to stop it, and my elbow bent the wrong way and I couldn't move it. And I was in incredible amount of pain. And the nurse at the Driscoll school called my mother and said.

[Conan O'Brien]

It'S a good story.

[Kevin Nealon]

Finish it up.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm gonna go get a glass of.

[Kevin Nealon]

Cry now.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, you said Mrs. Driscoll, the nurse. I thought, this is going nowhere.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then my nurse comes in and she says, oh, it looks like you bend it backwards. See, that's what you do. And I go, no, I did it. Bend it backwards. You're the nurse.

[Kevin Nealon]

I was not supposed to be that way. You tricked me into telling a real story about my childhood and my mom and. And then you totally torpedoed me.

[Conan O'Brien]

It wasn't intentional. It was. No, seriously.

[Kevin Nealon]

Said the Son of Sam killer.

[Sona Movsesian]

Are we not going to hear the end of that story.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, it's very quick. The nurse called and said, yeah, your son's here. Blah, blah, blah.

[Conan O'Brien]

We've already heard that part. We don't need to recap it. Please, no recapping.

[Kevin Nealon]

The nurse said, I think he's fine. And my mom said, well, how does he seem? And she said, oh, he's crying a little bit. And she said, he never cries. Let's take him to the hospital. And I had a shattered elbow. So the fact that I was any moisture in my eye at all indicated to my mother that there was a real problem. That is proof that I'm not the old boo hoo boy, you know what I'm saying?

[Conan O'Brien]

Are you okay with me telling that story to other people? It's such a good story. Can I share that? What are you drinking? Is that coffee?

[Kevin Nealon]

This is tea. I'm having a little tea. Little iced tea.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you have a cold?

[Kevin Nealon]

Nope, I do not have a cold. These are good questions, though.

[Conan O'Brien]

You sound a little. Let me. You sound stuffy.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm not stuffy at all. In fact, I think I have no congestion. So.

[Conan O'Brien]

Remember when we had lunch and we were just both being serious with each other?

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I don't. I don't think I've ever had lunch with you.

[Conan O'Brien]

You never had lunch period.

[Kevin Nealon]

I never had a moment with you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you ever worry about your weight?

[Kevin Nealon]

Should I. Should I worry about my weight?

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't worry about my weight. I worry about my height.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you know what I mean?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

Baron is tall, isn't he?

[Kevin Nealon]

Baron Trump, Sure. He's very tall.

[Conan O'Brien]

He's tall.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. Yeah. You know when people say you don't prepare? I always say, yes, he does. It's all thought out beforehand. Some of it is. Do you have a congestion? I think Barron Trump is tall. One flows into the other seamlessly.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's on your mind right now? What's your biggest worry right now? Besides hosting the Oscars, I guess.

[Kevin Nealon]

Ending this, like, how do I end it? In a way that feels. Yeah. Feels like we're still friends afterwards, but it's still a professional ending to the.

[Conan O'Brien]

I get what you're saying. I understand that.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. The dismount is the hardest part. With Kevin eal do gymnastics.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can you do a somersault? Let's start with that.

[Kevin Nealon]

I cannot. No, I cannot do one. Never could do a somersault. Really. Could you do a somersault?

[Matt Gourley]

Well, yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, no. Oh, a somersault. I thought you meant. No. Yeah, a somersault. Yeah, I could Do a somersault.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I see people back flipping off of a dock. I think I could try that. Because what's the worst that can happen? And on the dock. No, you would just. You land in the water somehow. You ever think about that?

[Kevin Nealon]

Nope, never.

[Conan O'Brien]

Maybe that'll give you something to think about in the future.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I don't think so. I think we're done with that one. I think there's no more meat left on that bone.

[Conan O'Brien]

Give me a bone with a lot of meat on it and let's talk.

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then you can edit all the other stuff out.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, no. We're keeping it all because I'm going to use this. Let me go see your neurologist.

[Conan O'Brien]

Urologist.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, neurologist.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's not where the tumor is. God, I'm gonna. I'm gonna be driving home and I'm gonna think of the name of that. It's a benign on. You know, it's not threatening at all.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's a cyst.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I said it's a tumor. Cyst is like a hard nodule. That's.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay. Okay. All right.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm not a doctor, but okay. No, it's a. God. You know what? If you had a good crew, they would have looked it up already. You know, they're just sitting there with their mouths. A gap. A gape. A gap. A gape.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's a gape.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's the last new word that you learned? Seriously?

[Kevin Nealon]

So. I don't know, Conan. I don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you ever wake up and say, here's the word I'm gonna use today. I'm gonna try and use it like five times.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, I do something.

[Matt Gourley]

Meningioma.

[Conan O'Brien]

Meningioma.

[Kevin Nealon]

What?

[Conan O'Brien]

Meningioma.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

They call it a tumor, but it's really just a. It's just a little.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's about the size of the town in Italy. They have a great.

[Conan O'Brien]

I feel like I've lost you.

[Kevin Nealon]

You lost me a while ago.

[Conan O'Brien]

I feel like you're just depleted this. You're not at the top of your game anymore.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, no, no. You've.

[Conan O'Brien]

Who's the guest here? Is it you or me?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know. You've asked most of the questions, cuz.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can't get anything out of you.

[Kevin Nealon]

How can I? Anyone? Does anyone have an idea?

[Matt Gourley]

Just please end this.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay? Kevin, you know I love you.

[Conan O'Brien]

So this could be our last day on the planet.

[Kevin Nealon]

What? No.

[Conan O'Brien]

You never know.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, I do know. There's going to be a tomorrow. There's Always tomorrow.

[Conan O'Brien]

Let's wrap it up with something that really is, you know, thoughtful.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

And meaningful.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm excited for you. I really am excited for you. And there's nothing. There's no underlining, you know, thought here or no.

[Kevin Nealon]

Because I assure you, I can assure you there is not. I can show you through hard experience, there's nothing.

[Conan O'Brien]

You've lost trust in me as a person that can connect. Yeah.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah. I'm not sure I had it ever, but I do. Well, I don't. Your mind fascinates me. It always has.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's moving. It moves. Sure. You're done fighting. You're not even fighting anymore.

[Kevin Nealon]

You don't think like. You don't think like anyone else. And I've always admired your integrity as a comedian. And I think you have a unique style. You've stuck to your guns and.

[Conan O'Brien]

And that's the problem. I need to change guns.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, no, no.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was talking about you for a minute. I think that you are.

[Kevin Nealon]

I tried to end it right there. You saw.

[Conan O'Brien]

You want to go out on a laugh, first of all.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, I don't. I'm secure enough to not go out on a laugh. And we can just add one later. I can take a laugh from the old Lucy show and add it.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, you should get closer to the. I do appreciate you. And I think that's funny that you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Backed away from the mic and you started to say something nice so far that our mics can't even.

[Conan O'Brien]

So talented. Is that you always. People love you. Do you know the most watched hike I do, Hiking with Kevin on YouTube is Conan O'Brien. Oh, my son told me that.

[Kevin Nealon]

That's cool. And you have Tom Hanks on that. You have all Hanks.

[Conan O'Brien]

Jack Black, Paul Rudd, you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I mean, Molly Shannon. Yeah, yeah. But you, you have, like. You are so famous. And I think about this a lot. When I go places, I don't get recognized. I think Conan would get recognized here. But you can go to Finland. You can go to China, probably. And they know who you are.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, maybe.

[Conan O'Brien]

Is that hard to be that popular for no reason?

[Sona Movsesian]

It was so close.

[Kevin Nealon]

We're done here. We're done. Hey, Kevin, best of luck with your movie. Come See me in the Good Light, starring Struda Abin and Leben Haben on Fox Nation and also Kevin on Fox Nation. Hiking with Kevin. Hiking with Kevin is on Fox Nation. I don't know why I keep having you back, but people do.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't either.

[Kevin Nealon]

People do love it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why do I keep Coming back.

[Kevin Nealon]

People do love it. We'll see. We'll see. We'll look at the numbers after this one. But God love you, Kevin.

[Conan O'Brien]

I love you.

[Kevin Nealon]

And just cover up next time we go out.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, I'll wear a turtleneck.

[Kevin Nealon]

All right. Peace out. The all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X is an unshakable fortress. Powered by a twin turbo V6 engine, ready to propel your adventures to new heights.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, your voice changes when you do a car.

[Kevin Nealon]

I'm trying to. I'm trying to become Will Arnett, but I can't do it. He's like the all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X. No, listen, I'm going to explain this car to you because this car is fantastic. It's max 8,500 pound towing capacity, has the power to haul all your favorite toys. On your next big adventure. You could steal the Statue of Liberty with this. It's incredible. I'm not saying do that. I'm just saying this thing, that's a lot of hauling power. Nobody gets left behind with the Armada Pro 4X's premium interior that seats up to eight passengers.

[Sona Movsesian]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't know. Eight people going big never goes out of style. No terrain is too tough for the all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X. The most capable Armada ever built. Built for the most rugged of terrain, the all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X gives you freedom to explore further. Introducing the Bacon Deluxe Sonic Smasher from Sonic Drive In. It's the latest and greatest addition to the iconic Sonic Smasher lineup. That's right. Take the Sonic Smasher you know and love, and we all know and love that Sonic Smasher with hand smashed patties. It's so violent. This burger. Hand smash patties made to order. Get a double or a triple and bash them together. Then top it with fresh lettuce that you smash into it. Flavored tomatoes and delicious crispy bacon that's fired out of a cannon. Bacon Deluxe Sonic Smasher. Who knew just four words could make your mouth water? Incredible. Yeah. Pinkies up for the all new Bacon Deluxe Sonic Smasher. Try it at Sonic Drive in near you. This message is brought to you by BetterHelp. What are some of your relationships? Green flags. We often hear about the red flags we should avoid. But what if we focused more on looking for green flags in friends and partners? This is an interesting concept. If you're not sure what they look like. Therapy can help you identify green flags. Actively practice them in your relationships and embody the green flag energy yourself so you embody it, you do it. And then your life changes. Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back. We've all had toxic people in our lives, Sona. I think I'm a toxic person for you.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, you are. I've been trying to get rid of you for years.

[Kevin Nealon]

But you can fix that by sort of phasing me out of your life and looking for more green flag kind of bosses to work with. Better Help is fully online. It makes therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. That's very cool. Access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. And you can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Visit betterhelp.comconan to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H E L p.comconan Sona, you should do this. You should look for a better person than me. Yeah, I will. I'm so toxic on it. I don't know if that we're even gonna use this, but I do. We just ended somehow the interview with Kevin Nealon, and I want an explanation. I want an honest explanation. And I want people in the room to say, because people put, I don't think it's me. I think it's all him. And then I hear it's me, too.

[Sona Movsesian]

It's both of you.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, so what is it? It's both of you both. What is it? I want to know.

[Conan O'Brien]

You can't let it be. I say something, and then you immediately. Neither can you.

[Matt Gourley]

Neither of you can.

[Conan O'Brien]

So it's just because he gets it wrong. He gets it wrong, and I have to correct him.

[Matt Gourley]

The bigger concern here is that you were able to finally end that podcast and now you started it up again.

[Kevin Nealon]

Yeah, but I can't let it. I want to know. I want to know what happens.

[Sona Movsesian]

Do you really, really think you're completely just not. Not to blame at all about this?

[Kevin Nealon]

I don't want to say blame, because that's negative, but I want to know who the guilty party is.

[Conan O'Brien]

What happened with the dismount? You talked about a dismount and I did this mount.

[Kevin Nealon]

I cry with you, and it's him. I can do it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Get right back on.

[Kevin Nealon]

I.

[Sona Movsesian]

You don't try.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, so. So what is it, Eduardo? Everyone's agreeing that I'm half the problem, Am I?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. This. When you two get together, it's like Lakers, Celtics. It's like the Super Bowl. It's a competition.

[Matt Gourley]

I think it's like murder and accessory, you know?

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why do you feel like you have to win every time?

[Kevin Nealon]

It's not that I want to win. It's just that I don't know what happens. I honestly don't know what happens.

[Conan O'Brien]

You want me to leave and you'll say, got him. Got him. This time?

[Sona Movsesian]

It sounds. Do you really think you're trying to have a serious interview and that Kevin is derailing it? You don't really think that?

[Kevin Nealon]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

You shouldn't.

[Kevin Nealon]

You think that if I said to him, which I did at one point, like, when I do try to say something serious, he's not going to have it. You know that, right? If I said to him, hey, so the hiking with Kevin, you seem to really enjoy those. He'd say, I got to tell you, submersibles. What's really.

[Matt Gourley]

There's also part of me that thinks you're baiting him. You're trolling him a little bit.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, because you know him. He won't.

[Matt Gourley]

You're trading straight man.

[Kevin Nealon]

It's two straight men in a room and no comedian. Well, that's the problem.

[Matt Gourley]

Straight men just instantaneously.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you see? He listened to you for, like three seconds, and that's a record I've ever seen him listen to somebody. You were actually listening and looking at.

[Kevin Nealon]

Me, and when you broke down who I am as a comic, just, hey, yeah. I mean, what an insulting slam.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's.

[Kevin Nealon]

No, that's.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's talent to be able to do that and get away with it. Seriously.

[Kevin Nealon]

All right, all right. I just wanted a quick. I am happy to accept. I wanted a quick therapy session. I am happy to accept half the fault, yes, if we can say fault. But I honestly will tell you, I don't know what's happening when I'm talking to Kevin. I don't know what's happening, and I don't think you know what's happening.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, I know what's happening.

[Kevin Nealon]

Oh, yeah? What's that there, buddy boy?

[Conan O'Brien]

You're not crying enough.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay, Maybe if you cried a little.

[Conan O'Brien]

Bit, you wouldn't be so strung out.

[Kevin Nealon]

Okay. Peace out, Tupac. Thank you, Kevin. Goodbye.

[Conan O'Brien]

Good dismount.

[Matt Gourley]

Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien Sonam of Session and Matt Gourley produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leopold. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcast Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign [e-mail] Conan and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[Conan O'Brien]

Foreign Building a business may feel like a big jump, but On Deck small business loans can help keep you afloat. With lines of credit up to $100,000 and term loans up to 250,000, OnDeck lets you choose the loan that's right for your business. As a top rated online small business lender, OnDeck's team of loan advisors can help you find the right business loan to fit your needs. Visit ondeck.com for more information. Depending on certain loan attributes, your business loan may be issued by Ondeck or Celtic Bank On Deck does not lend in North Dakota. All loans and amounts subject to lender approval.

[Kevin Nealon]

When something happens to your kitchen, you might say, this is ludicrous. But that won't fix your home.

[Conan O'Brien]

That will only get you the wrapper. Ludicrous. Having trouble? Don't panic. Don't be alarmed. You need to file a claim. Holla at State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. That's right.

[Kevin Nealon]

You can file a claim on the app or call us. Thanks, Mr. Chris no matter how ludicrous the situation, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. State Farm, Bloomington, Illinois.