Paul Rudd Returns Again

Summary

Podcast Summary: “Paul Rudd Returns Again”

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Release Date: December 29, 2025
Guest: Paul Rudd
Host: Conan O'Brien with Sona Movsesian, Matt Gourley

Main Theme

This episode brings perennial favorite Paul Rudd back onto the show for a characteristically chaotic, hilarious conversation with Conan, Sona, and Matt. The conversation weaves through Paul’s English roots, his father’s Titanic expertise, comedic philosophies, new projects like Anaconda, the infamous Mac & Me prank, and playful shenanigans. It’s a blend of deep affection, inside jokes, and classic bits that showcases the unique friendship between Paul and Conan and the unfiltered playfulness that marks their interactions.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Banter and Classic Conan Chaos (03:00–11:00)

• The episode opens with the usual banter and prank phone calls, including debate about whose on-air behavior is more distracting before guest interviews.
• The trio playfully accuse each other of various podcast sins, culminating in mock apologies and escalating numbers for percentage of fault.

“You want a slice of 'shut the fuck up' pie? And then I said, hey, maybe you double up. Maybe two slices.” — Conan (05:10)

Paul Rudd: English Roots & Oxford Experience (11:45–15:10)

• Paul confirms both his parents are from London, humorously riffing on his “Huffingpiddleton” ancestry.
• They discuss the surreal, historic atmosphere of Oxford and the imposter syndrome it can induce.
• Paul reminisces about feeling out of place at Oxford at age 21, recalling ancient buildings and classic pubs dating back to 1200 AD.

“You feel as if you’re just a part of something so important and old and historic…” — Paul (13:29)

Rudd Family Titanic Obsession (15:10–18:58)

• Paul details his father’s status as a Titanic historian, recounting conventions that were essentially “Trekkie” gatherings for Titanic buffs.
• Conan shares a similar family anecdote with his brother.
• The excitement in the Rudd household when Titanic was discovered in 1985 is recounted, including framing the Newsweek cover.

“I grew up going to, I guess the way I would describe them might be Trekkie conventions about the Titanic…” — Paul (15:38)

• They discuss the accuracy of the film Titanic, with Paul’s dad appreciating its attention to historical detail but indifference to its love story.

“Of all of the Titanic films…this film probably captured what the experience was most like.” — Paul quoting his father (18:05)

• Paul’s dad’s sharp critique of Life is Beautiful is shared in a darkly comedic anecdote.

“He referred to it as 'Laurel and Hardy go to Auschwitz.'” — Paul (21:15)

Comedy Philosophy & Iconic Anchorman Scene (25:45–29:25)

• Conan expresses his delight in Paul and Will Ferrell’s mutual self-satisfaction in the famed Anchorman “Sex Panther” scene, calling it the “epigee…acme…of two idiots who are happy with themselves.”
• Rudd reveals this was one of the rare moments Will almost broke character.

“These are two morons who think they’ve got it all figured out. And that’s always such a fun thing to play.” — Paul (26:01)

• Discussion expands to Paul’s “no authority, all likability” persona, evident in roles like Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Behind the Scenes: Paul’s Comedic Characters (28:08–31:26)

• Paul describes developing his “beach bum” character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall—a man ill-equipped and unqualified for his job.

“He had no actual knowledge…It was dangerous he was working there.” — Conan (29:02)

• Paul shares hilarious struggles with spray tans and hair dye for the shoot.

“It took me longer to get the spray tan…than to get from New York to Hawaii.” — Paul (31:26)

The Art of Idiocy in Comedy (31:26–35:09)

• They discuss the comedy trope of “idiots in authority,” referencing The Three Stooges, Clouseau, and how classic comedies embrace the idea of incompetent people in important roles.
• Rudd references Being There as a high point of this trope.
• The conversation moves to how Paul became an unlikely action hero and Ant-Man in Marvel films—an everyman who’s “ill-equipped” compared to others in the MCU.

“It’s a guy who probably is ill equipped to actually be a superhero.” — Paul (36:00)

Working with Jack Black & “Anaconda” (37:30–42:40)

• Conan admits he hasn’t seen Anaconda due to a link mishap; Paul describes the comedic meta-plot: four friends (Rudd, Black, Zahn, Newton) remaking the 1997 Anaconda as a passion project for “grown-up” nostalgia.
• Paul waxes about Jack Black’s whirlwind creativity—and his epic beard.

“His beard…different parts…come from different lives…like a sunburst on a guitar.” — Paul (41:53)

• Extended, absurd riffing on the hypothetical future fate of Jack Black’s beard (41:41–43:16).

The “Mac & Me” Prank & Its Legacy (50:06–55:01)

• Conan bemoans being duped yet again by Paul’s notorious “Mac & Me” bit. Paul admits he barely puts effort into the setup anymore.

“Is there a part of you that just hates yourself when you’re doing the fake setup now?...This is the least you’ve tried ever.” — Conan (52:02, 52:26)

• The two imagine their ongoing bit even intruding on their deathbeds, highlighting its place in their canon of inside jokes.

Friendship Memories & Affection (55:01–57:57)

• Conan and Paul recall a real-life, tipsy post-show visit to Paul’s New York home—sneaking around quietly while Paul’s children are asleep.
• Both express their genuine fondness for one another.

“You are an absolute delight. You’re one of my favorite people in the world…” — Conan (57:27)

Other Projects: “If I Had Legs, I’d Kick You”, Toy Story 5, & More (43:35–49:53)

• Brief discussion of Conan’s serious acting turn in If I Had Legs, I’d Kick You, and his surprise at the demands of dramatic acting.
• Reveals a role in Toy Story 5, playing “Smarty Pants,” a potty-training toy.
• Reflects on the emotional impact of Toy Story movies.

“It’s really nice because my assistant, David Hopping, grew up on these movies and loves them.” — Conan (49:14)

Technology, Targeted Ads & Pete Holmes Dildo Bit (57:57–59:53)

• Paul shares a Pete Holmes standup bit where Holmes tries to influence audience members’ phone ads using repetitive fake searches.

“Can’t wait to see what pop-up ads you all get in there.” — Pete Holmes, relayed by Paul (58:41)

• Conan and Paul riff further into absurdity about picking “juicy” dildos at the store.

Miscellaneous: Star Search Origin Conspiracy (61:53–68:15)

• Matt introduces a strange promo for the Star Search reboot that falsely lists Conan as a Star Search alum.
• The gang debates if this is a mistake or clever viral marketing.
• Conan responds with more curiosity and amusement than outrage, and Sona threatens to “cut a bitch” on his behalf.

---

Notable Quotes

• On the Sex Panther scene:
  “Two morons who think they’ve got it all figured out.” — Paul Rudd (26:01)
• On historical movies:
  “He referred to it as ‘Laurel and Hardy go to Auschwitz.’” — Paul Rudd on his father’s view of Life is Beautiful (21:15)
• On podcast chaos:
  “I'm a tornado of bad bits. Some of them quite good.” — Conan (09:52)
• On comedy tropes:
  “You take someone who’s a complete idiot but you put them in a position they’d never be in.” — Conan (31:26)
• On friendship:
  “It was so surreal to walk around with you, one of my favorite people, in this gorgeous house.” — Conan (56:42)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Classic Conan-chaos intro & prank calls: 03:00–11:00
• Paul’s English lineage & Oxford days: 11:45–15:10
• Titanic family obsession: 15:10–18:58
• Comedy theory & Anchorman Sex Panther behind-the-scenes: 25:45–29:25
• Character work in Forgetting Sarah Marshall: 28:08–31:26
• The idiot-in-authority tradition in comedy: 31:26–35:09
• Becoming Ant-Man and the MCU: 35:57–37:27
• Anaconda film with Jack Black: 37:30–42:40
• Mac & Me clip prank and meta-analysis: 50:06–55:01
• Mutual appreciation & stealth NY house visit: 55:01–57:57
• Tech, targeted ads & Pete Holmes bit: 57:57–59:53
• Star Search conspiracy: 61:53–68:15

---

Memorable Moments

• Sex Panther Scene Anecdote: Paul recounts trying to make Will Ferrell laugh by improvising, “60% of the time it works every time,” only for Will to deadpan, “That doesn’t make any sense,” nearly breaking Paul.
• Mac & Me Prank Endures: Paul’s shamelessly lazy setup for the bit and Conan’s resigned reaction, with both contemplating how the tradition will outlive them.
• Riffing on Jack Black’s beard: The two compare it to a “sunburst on a guitar” and theorize about beard reattachment surgery.
• Dildo-Farmer Routine: Conan and Paul descend into absurdity discussing “juicy” dildos as if they were hand-picked produce.

---

Style and Tone

This episode is utterly playful and quick-witted, with meta-jokes, inside references, and affectionate ribbing. Conan and Paul play off each other with ease, veering between sincere (often about family or friendship) and completely farcical. Sona and Matt serve as equally quick foils, propelling bits into ever more ridiculous territory.

---

For First-Time Listeners

This episode is packed with the comedic rapport and recurring in-jokes that make Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend a unique celebrity interview show. While laughter is the undercurrent, listeners get a genuine glimpse into Paul and Conan’s history, shared values on comedy, and sincere appreciation for each other. If you love funny, unscripted conversation peppered with heart and nostalgia, this is a definitive listen.

---

Podcast Summary by [Your Podcast Summarizer]

Transcript

[A]

Guys, thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree.

[B]

Zoey, this thing weighs a ton.

[A]

Drewski, live with your legs, man.

[C]

Santa.

[B]

Santa, did you get my letter?

[A]

He's talking to you britches.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

Of course he did. Right, Santa? You know my elf Drew Ski here. He handles the nice list.

[B]

An elf? I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile, you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[A]

I'm Mrs. Claus much younger sister. And AT T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone or give it as a gift. And the best part, you can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes. Nice.

[B]

My side of the tree is slipping.

[A]

Kimber, the holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15 minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T Mobile is available in US cellular stores with 24 month legal credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge credits and imbalance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel financing agreement. 256 gauge $830 eligible for in a new line. $100 plus a month plan with auto.

[B]

Payments, taxes and fees required.

[A]

Check out 15 minutes or less per line. Visit t mobile.com hey, this is Will Arnett, host of Smartless. Smartless is a podcast with myself and Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman, where each week one of us reveals a mystery guest to the other two.

[B]

We dive deep with guests that you.

[A]

Love, like Bill Hader, Selena Gomez, Jennifer Aniston, David Beckham, Kristen Stewart and tons more. So join us for a genuinely improvised and authentic conversation filled with laughter and newfound knowledge to feed the smartless mind. Listen to Smartless now on the SiriusXM app. Download it today.

[B]

Hi, my name is Paul Rudd.

[A]

And.

[B]

I feel right chuffed about being Conan o' Brien's friend.

[A]

Fall is here.

[D]

Hear the l, Back to school Ring.

[A]

The bell Brand new shoes Walk and.

[C]

Lose Climb the fence Books and pens.

[A]

I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

[B]

Yes, I can tell that.

[A]

We are gonna be friends hey there. Welcome to Conan o' Brien Needs a friend. Joined as always by my whack pack, Sonam obsession, Matt Gourley.

[D]

Whack day to you, sir.

[A]

Yes, we go, we go. Traffic backing up on the 101.

[C]

Cuckoo.

[A]

Cuckoo. Cuckooo. Let's do some prank phone calls. Hello, Pizza parlor. Yes, Dish is the pizza parlor. Oh, yeah. Is your refrigerator running? What? We have an Oven. Oh, sorry. I was. If you had a refrigerator and it's running, I'd say better catch it. What? This is me doing a bad prank phone call.

[D]

I'm more curious why this pizza place doesn't have a refrigerator.

[A]

Yeah, well, there was a blackout.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

This is why I don't do prank calls.

[D]

And also this.

[C]

What kind of whack pack is this when you're just doing everything?

[A]

Ring, ring, ring. Hello? We're a hospital. Yeah, I think one of the patients died, sir. What are you calling for April Fools?

[C]

That's bad.

[A]

Is that a prank call?

[C]

Someone could have died.

[A]

That's what I'm banking on.

[C]

No, Maybe the doctors are like, hey.

[A]

The odds are someone probably did.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Hello, Baked Bean Company. Yes. Do people eat your baked beans and then they have gas afterwards? Ha ha. Just kidding. This is the president.

[D]

Do you want to hear a quick, real joke that my daughter made up?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Well, there's two. And this was the spectrum. The first one. Pretty solid.

[A]

Knock, knock. Who's there?

[D]

Party.

[A]

Party who?

[B]

Port A.

[D]

Party.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

That's pretty good.

[A]

Solid B. Flush.

[B]

Four years old.

[A]

Guess what she got. She got bad on the ball. It's an infield single. Four years old.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

And then the next one. Knock, knock.

[A]

Who's there?

[D]

Mouth.

[A]

Mouth who?

[D]

You don't have a mouth. You can't talk. You're dumb. You have poopy on your head.

[A]

I like that one better. I like that one better because that's. That's right up there with the pranks I was just doing. No, we are here to have a real conversation with Shisona. And maybe you've noticed this, but when we do the conversations with people, when we're about to start a record, you need to keep talking. You do, Sona. And I've noticed that if we. Hold on. Don't make that judgy face.

[D]

Well, she was looking at me. I was responding to her.

[A]

I notice that when we do fan phone calls, you know, when they. When they come up, the zooms where the fans are calling, you love to talk right up till the very second that they come on. You just do. Sona, I accuse you.

[D]

J' accuse Jacques to turn that finger right around.

[C]

Right around to you, sir. Right around to you, sir.

[A]

I'm going to turn it around 360 degrees so it's pointed back at you.

[C]

Do a 180.

[A]

But you broke your wrist.

[C]

Do a 180 and then do a thing. Do this. This is more accurate.

[A]

Wait, now it's pointing at me. Yes. Do you think if the finger's pointing at me, then I must do it?

[C]

First of all, when we're having a conversation, okay, like everyone's talking and I might be in the middle of something.

[A]

You'Re always in the middle of something.

[C]

And then you don't let me finish what I was saying.

[D]

That's exactly right. Not only. But you offered. Just go, shut up. Here's a can of shut up Sauce. Shut up.

[A]

No, no. Excuse me.

[C]

What did you offer me right before we started recording?

[A]

I said, you want a slice of shut the fuck up pie? And then I said, hey, actually, maybe you double up. Maybe two slices. That's a polite way of saying to someone. You might want to curtail your conversation.

[C]

No, but you. You say that, and then you expect me not to respond to you. And then you're like, okay, we're going to start. And then you get frustrated with me because I'm still talking. This is. I'm a normal person. And you know what?

[A]

Hold on. Hold on a second. I'm just kidding.

[C]

And then usually right before the fan, you start throwing things at people, because that moment where we're waiting, you can't sit still.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you saying that maybe I'm the problem with Conan o' Brien Needs a friend?

[C]

I'm not. You're not.

[A]

You.

[C]

You are the problem.

[A]

And maybe lashing out at you was me projecting.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. No.

[C]

Do you want to apologize?

[A]

No, I want to make another prank phone call.

[C]

No.

[A]

No. Yeah, I want to make a prank phone call. Hello, Dentist's office? Yes, this is a dentist's office. Okay. You must be sad right now. You must be feeling down in the mouth. Excuse me, sir. Come again? I wish I could come again, sir. What are you talking about? Fuck you. Fuck you, Fuck you. Wait, sir, what's going on? I'm Conan o'. Brien. I mean, I'm not Conan o'. Brien. I gotta go. Was that a good prank call?

[C]

No, they're bad. They're all bad. Also, you can't say anything about you. I feel like you would be like, this is Conan o'. Brien. Here's a prank call. Like, you would say, I probably would mess it up. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I never made prank calls. I've never made them in my life.

[D]

Really?

[A]

No. You would be good at it as.

[D]

A kid all the time.

[A]

Oh, no, I would be terrified. I would.

[B]

I would.

[A]

Would be overly conceptual. I'd say, this is Abe Lincoln calling from 1864. Still got a year to live. Although I'm shot in early 1865 spring, if you will. And then just. They hang up and I keep talking. It would be me talking over a hang up signal.

[B]

There's some value to that.

[C]

Yeah, it's hard now because all, like, caller ID and stuff.

[A]

Oh, no, I forgot about caller id. I've been. I tried a bunch of these yesterday and they went very badly.

[C]

Did you call for me?

[A]

Your number? Yeah, of course I did.

[C]

Oh, no.

[A]

Conan. Yeah. And I was like, hey, I hope something bad happens to you pretty soon.

[D]

You called your wife and I said, this is Conan's doctor. You need to be a lot nicer to him.

[C]

Yeah, Conan's doctor saying that.

[A]

Yeah, well, I, of course, me, I panic and I forget my doctor's name. Yeah, I'm Doctor, not Conan. My prescription for you is be nice to him. I would be terrible. I would be so nervous about prank calls. Just awful at them.

[C]

I feel like you'd be nervous about anything that is slightly, like, bad, right?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

You'd be the one who'd be like, guys, we shouldn't do this. Like, you're the, like, guys, Come on, guys, let's not.

[D]

Let's be the first one killed in a horror movie.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

You would die so fast.

[A]

Right, Because I made. I ran in a bad direction.

[D]

No, because you're, like, policing everybody. Like, we can't do that. We can't. We can't drink out here at camp. We can't. Where are you all going?

[B]

Why?

[A]

I'm gonna go into the woods and say my prayers. Yes, it's cursed. And then chop, chop, chop. Yeah, someone's out there chopping onions. Okay. Fooled you. So I think I owe you an apology.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

I accused you of something which you may not do. Although I kind of think she does. Well, I do. I swear to God. This is coming from a real place, which is. Someone will be like, okay, here's Sarah, who's calling in from Cincinnati. You are often talking, but I think.

[D]

She'S doing it to prove a point because you've just served her shut up pie.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

You know, and you're also.

[A]

It's not always. It's also. Be quiet, Sue.

[C]

You're also throwing. You're also crumpling up paper and throwing them at people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember when I. I said have a slice of. Hold your tongue. Tongue. It's actual tongue from a deli.

[B]

Remember that?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Can you. Do you really think when we're waiting for the callers to come up on Kona needs a fan, do you actually think. You sit there Calmly waiting. And I'm the problem. Please tell. Tell the truth.

[A]

I'm told I make a lot of erratic motions.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

You put your glasses on upside down.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's funny.

[D]

I'm not saying it isn't.

[A]

Can I say something?

[D]

You always got your headphones on front to back.

[A]

You do. You have one. One that's someone with ESP doing a podcast. He's got the headphones on his forehead.

[B]

In the back of the room.

[D]

You have another joke for that that you usually do, but that.

[A]

I don't know. I just make up stuff all the time.

[D]

Oh, it's pretty good.

[C]

You do a mustache or sometimes you do one tooth. Walrus guy.

[A]

Yeah. I put a pen on one side of my mouth so that just one pen's hanging down, and I look at Sona and I go, I'm half a Wallace. And this is while we're waiting for.

[D]

This person to pop up on screen.

[A]

Yeah. But then Sona's responding to my. I'm a tornado of bad bits. Some of them quite good. Glasses upside down is funny because that's not the way you should wear them.

[D]

They're all pretty funny.

[A]

I mean, thank you. So I'm doing my bits, I'm getting my laughs. And then she's trying to get me to calm down or responding to my attacks on her when Sarah from Cincinnati or Buffalo comes up.

[C]

Yeah. Just admit you want to do bits and you don't want me to react to them.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

That's it. Oh, that's what you want?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. All right. No. No. The answer is no. When we're having a conversation, I'm not just gonna stop talking. And I think you're used to, like, television, you know, three, two, one. And then this, and everything stops. But this is. We start.

[D]

Okay, we're out of time, so shut.

[B]

Up, both of you. Okay.

[A]

All right. Well, guess what.

[C]

Well, you're forgiven.

[A]

Sona, I think you're 40% right in this one.

[C]

I forgive you.

[A]

50. 55.

[D]

This is just like. I hate being in the middle.

[A]

And he was all right in the middle.

[C]

I forgive you.

[D]

Where am I?

[A]

Trust me, you're getting yours in the next episode.

[C]

Yeah, I forgive you.

[A]

Well, we should get started.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Apologies. I guess we each apologize to each other. Here we go. Equally wrong. Here we go. Equally wrong.

[D]

You're both doing it equally wrong. You're doing it again. Stop it.

[A]

Both at fault.

[D]

Why am I involved in this?

[A]

More so than me?

[B]

I'm bailing.

[A]

Sona, 70.

[C]

Forgive me.

[A]

Sona, 70. Me. 30. I'm back. Sona 75 me. Whatever is the rest of. Can't do the math right now. Too busy riffing.

[B]

Friday.

[A]

Sona 80, please be whatever's left over after 80.

[C]

Forgive it.

[A]

Okay, it's 20, but I can't go. All right, we're going to get. We got to get started. Forget we got to go. Forgiven. All right, last word. My guest today has starred in such films as Ant Man, Avengers, Endgame, and Anchorman. Now you can see him in the new movie Anaconda. Very excited he's here today. Paul rudd, welcome. Right.

[B]

Chuffed.

[A]

I forgot, and I shouldn't have, about your English lineage. Your parents are English, like from England?

[B]

Yeah, both of my parents were born in London.

[A]

Right, yeah. And you changed your name. Your name was huffingpiddleton and you changed it to Rudd.

[B]

Well, it was a hyphenate. It was Huffing Piddleton Rudd, so.

[A]

But you are Eustace Nigel huffingpiddleton Rudd. And I forgot about that because you went to a serious acting academy. Mist blows everyone away. No, you went to a very intense. Was it at Oxford? Where was it?

[B]

Yeah, went to Oxford for just a semester, but it was studying Jacobean drama, which, I mean, already makes no sense if you know me and Omni.

[A]

I just did a thing at Oxford weeks ago, and the minute you get there, it is Hogwarts. It is Hogwarts. It's ridiculous. And you immediately feel unworthy. That's just how I felt. I felt. You're walking around, you think everyone has an owl. And everyone does, by the way. And they do. And they're all playing Kidd Itch. Excuse me? Or is it Squidditch?

[D]

It's neither.

[A]

Which one do you. What do you call it?

[B]

Yeah, it's Quidditch.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry. Huffington, Piddlebone? I don't know your fancy terms.

[B]

Not at all. No, it's just I grew up playing it, so I just know it.

[A]

But. But I immediately. I don't know if you had this feeling. Did you feel accepted there?

[B]

No, I didn't feel as if I belonged there at all.

[A]

How old were you at the time?

[B]

Oh, I must have been 21.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And you're right. You feel as if you're just a part of something that is so important and old and historic and. I mean, there was a pub that I would go to kind of before class and. And after that, low ceilings. And you're like, wow, this is this. When was this built? This has had been here a while. And then I ask and oh, no, this is from 1200, this pub.

[A]

Isn't that crazy?

[B]

Yeah, 1200 built. This one's from the Middle Ages. It's not even the oldest one here.

[A]

I grew up in Massachusetts, and there are some houses and buildings there you'd see sometimes that would say 1634. And I would think, oh, my God. The oldest structures known to man. Because I was a kid, right. Then you go to someplace in England and, you know, you'll be at a Poppy Quick. This is back in the day, you know, you'll be. Or you'll go into a drugstore to get, you know, some. Some. Some mint, some Tic Tacs. And you'll ask them, hey, this is a nice old building. And they'll say, yeah, it's from 2 AD. Yeah, Jesus bought his Tic Tacs here. It's crazy.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

That was. I was exaggerating a lot. Did you like that?

[C]

No, I really thought you meant 2 AD.

[A]

Well, I mess around. And I think Paul Jesus actually had.

[B]

Polo mints if we want to get.

[D]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he went to a chemistry board. He went to a chemist. I'm sorry.

[B]

Yeah. The irony was he would go to boots. It was boots. But he never wore boots. All sandals with him.

[A]

He was ostracized at boots because he wasn't wearing boots.

[B]

Get out of here.

[A]

So I forgot about that because you really do. I remember talking to you once, and you were talking to me. This is in our private conversations, which there are many. And you always, like, don't record this, so I don't. But you were telling me about your parents, and they were like, they're the real deal. And you. I think you told me your dad knows, like, everything about the Titanic. Like. Yeah, everything.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He was a Titanic expert and traveled the world speaking about Titanic.

[A]

And I have a brother, Neil, who's the exact same thing. He will tell you he knows which rivet went where.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Oh, all that kind of stuff.

[B]

So they would have been friends. Yeah. My dad was part of the Titanic Historical Society back before even Ballard discovered the ship. I grew up going to. I guess the way I would describe them might be Trekkie conventions about the Titanic with just other people who were interested in Titanic and. But nautical history, presidential history, World War II history. I mean, he was a history fanatic, my father. And so, yeah, I grew up around all kinds of.

[A]

This is a real article.

[B]

And cutouts and things.

[A]

Yeah, all kinds of stuff. And this is all. Did your dad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, your dad.

[B]

Is that a cutout of Neville Chamberlain.

[A]

Oh, I have that one does. Okay. Did your. I'm guessing he did. I'm hoping your dad live to see the Titanic discovered, because that would have been a seismic. You know, he thought about this thing his whole life. And then they said, hey, we found it. And here's pictures of it. Cause that's what it was like for my brother when they found it. My brother was just blown away. Cause he knew everything about it. And he was really disappointed that the ship broke in half and was in kind of a mess, because he always dreamed they'll find it and then they'll float it to the surface and we can all ride around in it. No, it's just a pile of bolts at the bottom of the ocean. Yeah.

[B]

And rusticles. Rustic. Yeah. Which I have.

[A]

No one had to know that not everyone's showered with you so.

[B]

They feel like rusticles. Boom. And it was the exact same scene in my house when it was discovered.

[A]

1985.

[B]

85. My dad lost his mind. And it was the most. He couldn't. He was giddy forever. And he would just show me pictures he framed. I think Newsweek magazine, the COVID it was on the wall. It was such huge news in our house.

[A]

Did he like the movie? I think Titanic buffs like the movie. But then there's always gonna be that guy that's like, oh, the antique car. They lo. The French Renault. That's a 1913, not a 1912.

[B]

Right, exactly.

[A]

And those people still hunt, you know, Bugs them. Yeah, they hunt the director down. Come on, Cameron.

[B]

So my dad, I asked him when it came out, I go, well, you know, what'd you think? And he said, I do think that of all of the Titanic films and the things that they've made about Titanic, that this film probably captured what the experience was most like. And he also thought the technical side of it, all of the rivets, all of the china, the way it was late. He said, that's exactly as it was. And to see all of that was thrilling to him. He didn't care about the story at all. And he.

[A]

What about when Rose is being sketched with her breasts out? Was he suddenly like, that was fantastic. Dad, take it easy. Mom's in the room.

[B]

He was furious because he knew for a fact that Chaise Longe was not on the show.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

He. Yeah, that's all he's thinking while she's naked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, wait a minute. Sure. Please keep it down. He said.

[B]

He goes. He goes, now there Was a. He said there was a boy in steerage named Jack Thayer. He goes, I'm assuming they took some of what Jack Thayer's life and his story was like and kind of, you know, created the DiCaprio character. He said, but there's so many interesting stories about Titanic. I don't know why they had to make one up. This is my. You know, my father, the history fan.

[A]

Yeah, it was a total miss with audiences. I don't see why you need DiCaprio at all.

[B]

Tell the story of Jack Thayer.

[A]

Yeah, I have your dad as theater critic. Whoa.

[B]

But my dad was also, you know, like, Apocalypse Now. That wasn't the Vietnam War. Why didn't they take.

[A]

You know, he was like, yeah, yeah, no, dad.

[B]

That's Joseph. He only saw the historically accurate sides of.

[A]

Sure, yeah. So I had the. Got to interview Quentin Tarantino a number of times. And I told him about my brother Neil watching. Watching Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. And Neil's that guy who yells out, that's a 71 Pontiac. This is 1969. They weren't out yet. And so Tarantino has, like, he later on said to me, oh, man, just keep your brother Neil away from. Did Neil like the movie? Cause he's that guy.

[B]

I'm pulling out. I'm having this memory of something, and forgive me. Cause I'm pulling out my phone. You'll trim around this. But hell, I will.

[A]

Maybe we won't. Let's get that ad out for Apple here.

[B]

I just found it because a friend of mine texted me this the other day because we were talking about this very thing, and a movie that my father hated was Life is Beautiful.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Hated it.

[A]

No one hates that movie.

[B]

My dad hated it. Now, keep in mind, my father could not escape Holocaust Die documentaries growing up. I didn't realize color television existed until I was a teenager. But he hated. Hated that movie so much.

[A]

Roberto Benigni. It's a masterpiece.

[B]

Well, I was just reminded about my father's hatred of this movie because a friend of mine texted. He said, I still laugh at your father talking about that movie, because, again, not historically accurate. And my father referred to it as Laurel and Hardy go to Auschwitz, Which I completely forgotten about that.

[A]

Oh, my God, I'd forgotten about that.

[B]

And I got that text. I started laughing so hard, like, oh, God, that's right. He did. He really did.

[A]

Why don't they just talk about the real camp? Directed by Bradley Cooper. Is this Thing On? Is an intimate and hopeful portrait of a man on the precipice. Of divorce as he navigates reinvention, reconnection and redemption in middle age. We meet Alex in the wake of his separation from Tess, looking for community and catharsis, and he stumbles into the New York comedy scene. Through comedy, Alex discovers a passion and sense of purpose just as Tess embarked on her own journey of self discovery. Deadline calls. Is this Thing On? A brilliant and profound explanation of marriage. It stars Will Arnett, our good friend Lara Dern, Andra Day and Bradley Cooper. Is this Thing On Is an exploration of identity, self fulfillment and second chances. And I gotta say, I love all things Will Arnett. Yeah, he's really dear to me and I thought he killed it in this movie. You guys saw it too.

[C]

I loved everybody in it too. Yeah, I thought it was a really cool story. I really loved it.

[A]

Yeah, I think it's really hard to make standup comedy feel like legitimate and it really did that in an amazing way also. And I hate to make it about me, but I also have used comedy as catharsis and I think someone should make a movie about me and my journey and Will Arnett should play me now. Playing in select theaters everywhere January 9th. Get tickets today. Guys. Thanks for helping me carry my Christmas tree, Zoey.

[B]

This thing weighs a ton.

[A]

Drew Ski, live with your legs, man.

[C]

Santa.

[A]

Santa, did you get my let talking to you britches?

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

Of course he did. Right, Santa, you know my elf Drew ski here. He handles the nice list.

[B]

An elf. I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T mobile you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[A]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister and AT T mobile there's no trade in needed when you switch so you can keep your old phone or give it as a gift. And the best part, you can make the to switch to T mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes. Nice.

[B]

My side of the tree is slipping.

[C]

Kimber.

[A]

The holidays are better.

[B]

AT T Mobile switch in just 15.

[A]

Minutes and get iPhone 17 on us with no trade in needed. And now T mobile is available in u S cellular stores with three 4 monthly bill credits for well qualified customers plus tax and 35 device connection charge credits and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel Finance Agreement 256G830 eligible for in a new line 100/ a month plan with auto pay + taxes fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line visit. Finding the music you love shouldn't be Hard. That's why Pandora makes it easy to explore all your favorites and discover new artists and genres you'll love. Enjoy a personalized listening experience simply by selecting any song or album, and we'll make a station crafted just for you. Best of all, you can listen for free. Download Pandora on the Apple App Store or Google Play and start hearing the soundtrack to your life. You know, you are never far from my mind because Instagram knows what I like. You know, you have these, you know, these little sites that you go on and they learn you real quickly. And so mine's always showing me, you know, here's another Beatles guitar solo you can learn how to play. Or here's, you know, it's constantly showing me the things it knows I'm gonna like and showing me historic stuff. It knows that I can watch anchorman clips until the sun goes down and then well beyond that. And the one it keeps sending me over and over and over again is Sex Panther. And so I know it cold. You unveiling your cologne to Will Ferrell. And one of the things I love about so much is I think in the history of comedy, it's the most. It's the two most self satisfied people I've ever seen in any situation. You're unveiling your cologne, he's so pleased for you and impressed. You're so pleased with yourself. And I would just put it out there. People go back and look at this clip. And people do all the time. But it is to me, the epigee, the acme, the high point of two idiots who are happy with themselves. And it always makes me happy every single time I watch it.

[B]

Thank you. Well, it is. You are dead on the money. These are two morons who think they've got it all figured out. And that's always such a fun thing to play. Certainly. And Will is so good at it. And that was one of the hardest moments. I laughed. You know, Will doesn't really break character too much. And he really got me. I do. But he really made me laugh when we were doing that scene. And I thought, oh, because there is kind of so much improvisation. And I thought. And then I said, I think, oh, yeah, well, 60% of the time it works every time. And I thought, like, oh, that will make him laugh. And he didn't even smile. And he just said, that doesn't make any sense.

[A]

That doesn't.

[B]

And then I lost.

[A]

Doesn't make any sense.

[B]

It's really the one moment of clarity that either one of us has also seen.

[A]

And then Everything else is, he says, pungent, pungent. And then you're very confident about Sex Panther. And it's made of real bits of panther, so, you know, it's good. There's another thing, Quality.

[B]

That's the one thing. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then I think it's. Smells like gasoline. Everything about.

[B]

Pure gasoline.

[A]

Yeah, pure gasoline. And so, I don't know, I just. I end. You are so. I mean, one of the things that you're able to do in so many different. And we've talked about it, but in so many different parts you play, you're able to access this. You're incredibly likable, but you have no authority. You should not be respected, and you don't care. Do you know what I mean? You're able to combine all those things at the same time. And I'm always delighted in forgetting Sarah Marshall. When you're the guy that hangs out on the beach and rents scuba equipment and stuff, that. I love that character. And again, you're just. And I think you were telling me once that that was just. You brought a lot of your own experience to that character.

[B]

Well, there was, you know, when Jason was kind of. When he was writing it or when they were getting ready to shoot it, he said, you want to come to Hawaii and you want to maybe play this surf instructor? And we were just talking about it, and it was just this idea that if you ever go to any of these resorts and there are guys there that teach surfing or diving or whatever, you meet them and you feel like, oh, I've got it all kind of figured out. But the more you talk with them, you realize they're running away from something or something's not right. And that just seemed like a funny. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I get it. But just really putting a hippie, dippy positive spin on it. It's like, no, this is my journey, or whatever it is.

[A]

And so, no, he had no actual knowledge. None of really anything. No, he shouldn't be there. It was dangerous that he was working there.

[B]

And the idea was that I was going to also play much older than I was. I wanted to be older. By the way, I said I was like, I was 44 in that movie. And now I look at 44, go, oh, my God, what a young kid I was. But I was in my 30s when we did it. And I tried to dye my hair gray. I want. I want gray hair.

[A]

Not even a wig.

[B]

I should have just worn a wig. But I went and tried to dye my hair gray, but my hair is so Dark that it just turned kind of red. And that's why my hair in that movie is just kind of red, because I don't know how to. I never dyed my hair.

[A]

You'd think, you know, this is a big movie and very successful movie and a classic. Why are things so. Hey, do you want to come hang out in Hawaii? Maybe you could play this kind of guy. Hey, I have an idea. I'll be right back. I'm going to go dye my own hair. You'd never think that that's how it came together.

[B]

It's how it came together.

[A]

And it was really.

[B]

And even when I arrived, I remember we. We filmed it at the North Shore at the top of Oahu. And when I. I landed, I was not tan. Big surprise. And they said, well, you should probably. You need to get a tan. So there's a place that you can get a spray tan, but it's on the southern part of Oahu. It was like two hours away or something. I landed on the play, went directly to this spray tanning place, drove. So that took like an hour, half drove another few hours to get to the North Shore where they were filming. Checked in the hotel, told him, I'm here. And then I went and took a shower. And I never knew that you have to let a spray tank.

[A]

Wait a minute, settle in.

[B]

And they had no. I'm like. It all came off. I was in the shower, and it was like psycho of the color going down the drain. And they had to send me back right there. So then I had to drive another. First of all, to get from New York to Hawaii takes something like 10 odd hours. It took me longer to get the spray tan. To get to the spray tan twice, and then get back to set. Yeah.

[A]

One of my favorite. One of my favorite things. It's just a. It's a. I guess a truism about a lot of my favorite kinds of comedy is there's this thing that's in classic comedies. And I'm just gonna start with the Three Stooges, where you take someone who's a complete idiot, but you put them in a position that they'd never be in. So the Three Stooges, the rich people need plumbers. And plumbers show up, and they have a truck. They have all the equipment. They're clearly in the phone book. They're registered plumbers. The richest people in town are calling them up. So clearly they've done this before. And it's three people that literally can't take a hammer out of a bag. Without smashing vases all around them. They don't know what a pipe is. And things explode. And you see that over and over. Clouseau would never have been the most famous detective in the world. He's a complete idiot. And that's this thing that happens over and over and over again. I'm thinking that is a thing that these films, like the Anchorman films, they do so well, is none of these people would be where they are. And that's the thing. And this guy would never have been a beach instructor. But people are beamed into this reality, and once people accept that, everything's great.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And that's just what you have to do.

[B]

And it's so fun in, like, Three Stooges or Clouseau especially, that they wind up kind of winning despite the fact that of their ineptitude, the biggest example or the most brilliant I always think of is something like being there, where, you know, back in to every single victory. And what's so amazing about that movie, obviously, is that everyone around him thinks he's brilliant, whereas everyone else around Clouseau and these two just know they're morons. Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

But, yeah, it is a really. That's a good kind of construct. I'm with you. That kind of thing.

[A]

It always fills me with delight. I don't know what it's like for you. You know, you probably didn't see the action hero thing coming for you, because it.

[B]

Well, I was really pushing it.

[A]

He used to tell me all the time, I'm gonna be a Marvel action hero. And I was belligerent, Remember?

[B]

No, I know. Oh, do I remember. Trust me.

[A]

And I was always pushing you and shoving you a lot hard, and so were you jealous. I remember thinking, I'm the one that's gonna be the superhero, you know?

[B]

Remember?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was just always. And then you'd pull it off, and I was jealous for a long time.

[B]

I mean, action here. I would have. I would. That's a small A. Much like Ant man, small A. I don't think that I really fit into that mold so well. But, you know, I did get to. I did get to pretend I had a suit on, and I got to do cgi, and I went to the gym a lot. It was kind of fun to do all of that stuff.

[A]

But.

[B]

In my bones, I don't think that I could ever believe or feel authentically like I am right for the part.

[A]

But that might be.

[B]

This is. But I was like, I take somebody like Odenkirk, and I mean, when I saw nobody that was which. I love that movie. The joy of seeing Bob Odenkirk just kick ass like that and be so good at it and so believable. He's an incredibly talented guy, but also, as, you know, one of the funniest people on the planet. And so I think that, you know, I don't think it really exists so much for me. Even though the Marvel thing is real, I look at a guy like Odenkirk and think, well, that guy did it and that guy is great at it.

[A]

Yeah, well, he thing I always thought about that might have been maybe a key to why it works so well for Bob is, you know, I go way back with Bob and he's, you know, God, so insanely funny and creative and great. But he does have. He'd get angry about things. And I thought, oh, I think that might have been his way in is, you know, his. And he's tenacious. And I could. So I could see, like, well, there are aspects of Bob and you are hilariously funny guy who's also incredibly charming. And I was like, well, that's kind of your way in. You're very likable. It's kind of your way into that character. I can see why it makes sense. Do you know.

[B]

Well, how it even came about was Edgar Wright, who was going to direct the film, and it was Edgar that offered me that part. And I really didn't know that much about Marvel. I mean, I had seen some of the films, but. And I had read some of the comics when I was a kid. I knew what they were, but it was never anything that I. I would have imagined getting involved with. But it was Edgar that offered and said, do you want to play this? And I love Edgar, and he was a friend of mine and I loved his films, and so I was very excited. And then he wound up leaving the movie and it was a bit of a chaotic scene there for a little bit. But I think the reason that maybe he wanted me to do it or was that it's a. It's a guy who probably is ill equipped to actually be a superhero, you know, and so I think that that was always my take on it. I'm not going to be Captain America and I'm not going to be Thor. Even though we have a incredibly similar physique, I just.

[A]

I don't think I often confuse your torso.

[B]

You know, what is.

[A]

I'm like Hemsworth.

[B]

The real problem is no one would buy me as a blond. Yeah.

[A]

Especially if you dye your own hair. Well, I'm here for Thor. I'm gonna go dye my hair.

[B]

Thor doesn't have blue hair on the.

[A]

South end of the island. I'll be back. We shoot in 10 minutes.

[B]

I'll be there.

[A]

You know, I very much wanted to see your new film Anaconda. And they said I could get a link and then they told me this morning, cause I was gonna get up this watch it this morning and they said no, the link does not work. So I blame your people. Cause I have not seen it. But well, no, I wanted to see it and I really wanted to see it for free.

[B]

That's the only way to see anything anymore, I think.

[A]

But I'm excited to see it because it surprised me. I know that technically you and Jack Black have worked together before, but this is a real two hander and I'm excited about that. I'm very excited about it.

[B]

He's the greatest. As you well know. There's nobody. I mean he is a tornado of.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Of comedy and talent, truly of talent. And so it was. I was so excited to work with the guy and yeah, we'd worked together before but never like this. And so he's terrific and he's great. I actually have. I, I don't have a link or anything like that, but I think they are. I do have a clip of it, but they. It's so fun and it's such a funny way to kind of go into this idea of doing a retelling of Anaconda. Do you remember the original?

[A]

Yes, I remember the original. And what I loved about this idea. Cause at first I thought, are they doing a remake of Anaconda? And I didn't understand just based on like the poster. And that's what I was interested to see. And then I found out that it's about two friends that want to go. They're fans, they want to go back and make their own version of Anaconda based on the 97 film. When things start to happen that take over. I'm sure you could explain this a lot better than I could, but.

[B]

Yeah, well, there's. So we all, a group of four of us, it's Jack Black, Steve Zahn and Tandaway Newton. And we grew up together. We used to make films like so many of us do growing up, like little movies with our friends. And Anaconda happened to be a movie that we loved growing up. Even though technically, if you do the math, we were all probably about 40 when it came out. But that's the, that's the first suspension.

[A]

Of disbelief doesn't matter.

[B]

Yeah. And so. And so we. Yeah, so we decide. We just. We decide to. Do I have the rights to anaconda? Our lives now as just 50 somethings. They're not working out the way the world we thought they would or 40 somethings or however, whatever.

[D]

You have the rights.

[B]

My character does. My character.

[A]

And you'll learn how.

[B]

Okay, you'll learn how.

[A]

And he got them 70 years ago when he was 40. There's a reason.

[B]

There's a very. It's funny that actually, there actually is. There is a.

[A]

There is.

[B]

There is an explanation and it's funny because it is what I have to show you of how I have the rights for this for anaconda. And I am explaining. And then we decided like, look, guys, I really miss making movies when we were kids. Like, we can do this. Let's do we love this movie when we were growing up. Let's do it. Let's do it. And then of course, you know, things start to go wrong. But then all of a sudden, wait, maybe we're getting onto my real Anaconda. So it's like a meta version of kind of. It's an interesting. It is an interesting way to kind of retell a story that's never been told before. Right.

[A]

So what's it like? First of all, I agree with you. Everything you said about Jack Black being the most talented guy and insanely off the. This nuclear powerhouse of creativity and fun. But whenever I run into him, his beard. His beard is insane. His real life beard, and that might be the most. As impressive as Jack Black is. I think his beard impresses me more than anything else. It's really something. It really is.

[B]

And it's. Yeah, it's got like three different areas of gray.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's what I'm talking about. It's not just. Yeah, it's not just. I mean, okay, Letterman has this great beard, but no, Jax has. Different parts of his beard have lived different lives and they come from different.

[D]

Sunbursts on a guitar.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Yeah, it's exactly. Yeah, yeah. It's like a mint.

[A]

And sometimes they're swirling and churning.

[B]

Quicksilver. There's a quick.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

There's like a Captain Nemo meets Rick Rubin meets Zeus.

[A]

Meets Zeus, but also meets like a touch of Manson. Yeah, little bit of Manson. Just a little touch. You want a little touch of Manther.

[B]

Yeah. And all of a sudden it just happened. Like I remember seeing pictures of Jack and he had. Oh, yeah, no, he Has a beard and. Oh, it's cool. It's like a little gray there. And then I think.

[A]

I think.

[B]

I don't know. Six months later, I saw a picture of years ago, and I was like, whoa. And he couldn't keep that version for the movie. And I thought, oh, that must be really upsetting when you have that and then to have to shave it.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I thought is. I'm hoping that he has kept it, meaning I hope they didn't shave it. I hope it was detached from his face and then can be surgically put back or studied in a lab. Yeah, yeah. Even if it's means that there's terrible pain in a recovery period and maybe the body rejects it for some reason because it's been off the face, I still think it's worth trying to keep.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then he does it. It's like, we the world lost Jack Black today after an unsuccessful beard reattachment surgery suggested by Conan o' Brien on a podcast with Paul Rudd. The two men have been arrested.

[B]

They're still working on it, but unsurprisingly, surprisingly, government has cut all funding now for research.

[A]

RFK Jr did approve of the surgery.

[B]

It's a real shame. Well, to have such a signature look. Conan 1, you're great in. If I had legs, I'd kick you.

[A]

Oh, thank you.

[B]

I loved it. Love the movie. Not an easy watch. That is like.

[A]

No, no. That is an intense movie.

[B]

And. But it was also, like, you have. Your hair is so kind of styled. And how did you feel about showing up with a different hairstyle?

[A]

Well, you know, I play this therapist to Rose Byrne, and there were so many things when they sent me the script, and I don't. This is not a part of my career that I've had any plans for, and it's not something that I probably intend to repeat, but I really love the script. I love the director. And then, like everyone else on the planet, I worship at the altar of Rose Byrne. I just think she's spectacular. So the chance to. To be in these scenes with her was like, you've got to do this. And the way I interpreted this therapist was, oh, he's the opposite of me in so many ways. He's not a caretaker. If someone's uncomfortable, he doesn't really notice. He just wants them out of the room. And then I thought. And I was talking to the director, Mary Bronstein, a lot, and she said, yeah, what are we gonna do about the hair? And we both agreed it should just Be pulled back and down and just kill this thing. Just kill it with weights and restraints. But no, it was mostly just wet it down and put some stuff in there to just keep it flat. And then. So, yeah, it is funny because it felt like I don't have my. It's like Superman without his cape, you know, it's just like. It felt to me a little bit like, well, this guy's no fun. He's got.

[B]

Yeah, you're all pushed together and kind of tightly bound. Did you find, though, that when you were doing it, you're not self conscious about any of that kind of stuff? That some of those things that you do feel like, oh, this really, I am acting a part and that, yeah.

[A]

I did a lot of prep, which I have so much respect. I've always respected what you guys do. Actors. It is not really my thing. I think I'm a good actor when it's a sketch. When I have to do something in a sketch, I feel like, oh, I can do that. But this character work and all that was new to me. I had never done it before, but I worked with someone and really tried to understand who this person was so that when I showed up on set, know your lines, know what you're supposed to do, and really be familiar with this person. So not a person I'd want to be all the time.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But.

[B]

Well, you were great in it, but you don't want to keep doing it or you think.

[A]

I just don't think it's something. I don't see me saying. Get me out there. You know, I only ask because pilot.

[B]

Season is coming up.

[A]

I'm doing all this. Oh, I couldn't possibly. And then you're going to see my new show, Hanging with Conan.

[B]

Father of.

[A]

Of seven kids. You know, whatever. I don't know what it is, but no, I do think this will be something I'll be doing a lot more of. But I am in Toy Story 5. Yeah, check that out. Yeah.

[B]

Playing.

[A]

Are you allowed to say, no, I play. I think it's out there. I think I'm allowed to say, I play. Smarty Pants, one of those devices for like one and a half year olds that teaches them how to go to the bathroom. And so I'm a little toy that teaches kids how to go to the bathroom. I'm Smarty Pants. And I went to college and.

[B]

Have you done it already?

[A]

Have you done it? I just wrapped like two days ago.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

I wrapped on the Disney lot. And it's one of the more surreal experiences in my life. To be having the. Wearing the cans when you're doing the. I mean, these things are so familiar to you. They're not to me. And hearing. They're not in the sessions with me, but hearing Tom Hanks as Woody and hearing Woody and Buzz in my ear, and I'm supposed to go, like, yeah, guys, or whatever. I just, I can't believe that.

[B]

It's crazy, isn't it?

[A]

It's crazy. It's crazy to hear that there are.

[B]

Moments where you can actually get emotional about it because you Especially Toy Story and those characters.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, that was.

[A]

They're so good. They're so good.

[B]

So good. It really. I remember after the third one came out, I thought, is this, Is this the greatest trilogy? You know, I mean, Lord of the Rings, you know, Godfather, obviously, 1 and 2. Greatest movie. Rambo. Rambo, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Rambo, yeah. The first three Earnests.

[A]

The first nine, Herbie and the Love Bugs. Flawless.

[B]

No, I, I, I'm a weird guy. I hated, Hated Bad News Bears, loved Breaking Training and when they went to Japan.

[A]

That's unusual.

[B]

Totally. I know, I know, I know. It's an unorthodox.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But stick with it. Yeah. I think those Toy Story movies are such. I mean, it's beautiful storytelling. They really are. And they've been showing me, you know, they'll say, like, hey, Conan, do you want to see? They've shown me now these little pieces of it, you know, that they've kind of are finishing up. And it's really nice because my assistant, David Hopping, grew up on these movies and loves them. So he comes to the records with me.

[B]

Oh, wow, he must be.

[A]

And I don't let him see anything. I want him to be near it but not to see it.

[B]

Right. Yeah.

[A]

And they say a little dangling a.

[B]

Carrot, in a way.

[A]

Yeah. And they say, like, the director will say, do you want to bring David in? And I'll say, only if he wears this bucket over his head so he can't see anything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I paint a frowny face on the bucket. No, I, I, he comes in and he's. He's. So I get to experience that through him, too, which is these. These scenes are just spectacular.

[B]

They take so long to make. They have to be really well written. They appeal to all ages. They're the best movies.

[A]

I like that you're now promoting Toy Story 5, I've tricked you and not Anaconda. You're promoting all the Anchorman films. Yeah. Anaconda and. No, no, not Anaconda so much.

[B]

Sony will be furious. They will. Because they. As you know, they really insist that we promote the films that were actually there to promote that old weird. Yeah, yeah. They don't like it. I know, I know. Which does bring me back to my clip of the film where I am talking about how I got the rights.

[A]

Oh, you have this.

[B]

I do.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it is very. It's. It's. It's actually based weirdly on a true thing like this. How the. Right. Anaconda was a book originally.

[A]

Is that true? It was.

[B]

Truly.

[C]

And.

[B]

And. And it was. And the. It was. I think the author was Japanese, maybe. Anyway, there's this sequence where I talk about how I met his widow and she was a fan because I play an actor as well in the film.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I'm trying to explain to my friends how it is that I've come about getting the rights to Anaconda. They don't believe me, and I'm saying, no, this is how. But I did. I know you haven't seen the link, but I. I don't know if there's any capabilities.

[A]

But, yeah, I think they say they have the Great. Just always.

[B]

Now you can see.

[A]

What else is on YouTube now. Here's my question for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is there a part of you that just hates yourself when you're doing the fake setup now? When you do the fake setup now, and you know, I didn't know, but the minute you start to say, I have a clip, I'm like, of course.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

We all know. And then there's a bunch of things that go through my head, but is there part of you that hates yourself as you're doing it, or no?

[B]

Are you kidding me? Absolutely. Hate it when I'm setting it up. Hate it when I'm sitting watching, hating it now at the point where it's like, how are we all supposed to react to this? At what year did I stop pretending like it was really.

[A]

You don't even try.

[B]

I don't even try anymore.

[A]

This is the least you've tried ever. You went, oh, yeah, and I have a clip because it was a book. And then I did.

[B]

I put very little thought in how.

[A]

Am I gonna do it? And you're kind of looking around like, yeah, blah, blah. You almost said, blah, blah, blah.

[D]

Were you ever turned down coming on the show because you just don't want.

[B]

To deal with this anymore? Yeah, exactly. Right. It's a little bit. Yeah.

[A]

When you.

[B]

You just get lazy and tired. All right, I'll think of A setup now. I don't. You know, it's like a team that wins the title in the next season, they go with it with two victories all year. They're. Oh, and 2 and 14.

[A]

It's like, get back to fundamentals, guys. It's. It's I Love Lucy the final season when they're up in Connecticut. Yeah, yeah. And Lucy. But you know what I love? I'm now starting to picture at one point, one of us, we're gonna be very old men. And I'm older than you, so I'll be the older. So I think I'll be in the hospital and you'll be visiting me, and I won't have long. And they'll say, I'm in a lot of pain, but he's pretty good right now. And you'll come in to say hi, and I know you're gonna do a thing where I'm kind of in and out, but I'm there and I'm so happy to see you. And then you're gonna say, no, no. And I just got good news from your doctor. And Da. Da. Really? Really? And he's like, no, they did a scan, and they actually can't find any of the disease in the area. And I'm really. Yeah, no, take a look at the scan, and it's gonna be that. And it's gonna make me really happy.

[B]

I'm so touched. That, by the way, is a really great way to do it. Cause you have the lit. The box lit up. This is a great. I thought about other scenarios, but that's way better.

[A]

But you know what you're going to do? You're going to get a guy. You're going to get my doctor to play along. And so he's going to say, no, we found. And. And. And Paul, do you mind? And I'll do. Do you want to stick around for this? And I'll be like, it's okay. I want Paul here. And you'll be like, okay, I'll stick around for it. And then he'll be showing me. And then at some point, because I hope this is not for a long time, I'm just going to say that. But it's gonna be some sophisticated scan where they show you in real time. This is where we did the scan, and you can see here. And this is where the disease was. And then it's gonna start to flicker a little bit, and it's gonna turn into. And it's gonna bring me a lot of joy, and then I'll pass away. It's great.

[B]

I'm just happy that I could bring that to you in your final moments.

[A]

I did think of a scenario where we could do this, and I don't wanna reveal it here. I did think of a scenario which I think is the. Would be momentous, and I'm hoping we get to do it someday. I don't want to. Really.

[B]

No, no, no. You'll tell me afterward?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. There is a way to do this that would be the greatest. But I will figure that out. I have a wonderful memory of. I remember I was in Brooklyn and I did a show there, and you were kind enough to come do it for the podcast, and we were all there, and then you and I hung out afterwards. Some drinks were had, as I recall. And then we ended up. It was very late at night, and we ended up stepping into your house at night. I remember that. And you showing me around in the dark.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was like, shh, shh.

[B]

I think my children are asleep.

[A]

I sleep at Santa's.

[D]

Are you sure this was his house.

[A]

To wake him up? I'm not sure. Cause we.

[B]

I'm not sure.

[A]

We're not sure. We weren't in the best state, but we had had a really good time. And we're walking around and you're showing me this, and I was just so happy to be in your house. But it was a very. It's such a clear memory of you and me in the dark. This is just a couple of years ago. And you're doing the thing that they do in movies where you're like, shh. We're both a little buzzed. You're like, shh. And I'm like, shh. Yeah, shh. And we're looking around, and I'm like, this is beautiful. And you're like, yeah, shh. Quiet, Quiet. But it was so surreal to walk around with you, one of my favorite people, in this gorgeous house. And. And I remember thinking, oh, my God, I miss New York. That was the feeling I had. I mean, I love. Don't get me wrong, I love Los Angeles. But you've made it a point to always have that. Be your base.

[B]

Always. But I was so thrilled that we got to hang out. And then I'm like, wow, you're gonna.

[A]

Yeah, come on over.

[B]

Like, are you sure?

[A]

It's 2:00am that's fine.

[B]

No, whatever it was. But I was so happy that we got to kind of hang out and spend a little time.

[A]

Yeah. It was really lovely. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And I do remember this. And as you were describing It, I was thinking I'm just missing the, you know, like the, the candle with the holder. Like Jacob Marley.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This way, this way, this way.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I'm like, yeah.

[B]

What do you want to drink?

[A]

Smack. It was really fun. It was really fun. But, yeah.

[B]

Well, we have to do it again next time you're. You're back in New York.

[A]

Yeah, I'll be back and we'll hang. You are an absolute delight. You're one of my favorite people in the world, one of my favorite performers, and you always make me happy. And I know that in the next week I'll be watching clips of you. We'll just be appearing because I know these phones listen to you. They know what you like. And it just is always throwing me these Paul Rudd fastballs. And I'm like, like, I know that guy. God, he's funny. Anyway, it always makes me really delighted.

[B]

So I feel the same about you, Conan. Thank you for saying that. Have you. About the phone's listening. I had this memory of. Did you see the Pete Holmes special? I think it was. I'm not for everyone. I think it was. Was his last one.

[A]

Yeah, I, I've seen him on when.

[B]

He just, when he's telling the audience, he just stops in the middle of his routine and just starts saying, I want to buy a dildo. I want to buy a big dildo. People are laughing and he's telling him to shush and he just keeps saying it over and over again. I want a big juicy dildo, like whatever for a minute. And you don't really know where it's going. And then he just says, can't wait to see what pop up ads you all get in there.

[A]

That's such a great idea.

[B]

Such a brilliant idea.

[A]

Pete Holmes, very funny man.

[B]

Very funny. Yeah, hilarious.

[D]

Well, now we're all gonna get those.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Anyone listening right now is gonna get one.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And not just any dildo. A juicy dildo.

[B]

A juicy dildo. Yeah.

[A]

You know when they're just ripe?

[B]

Yeah, that's when you wanna know when.

[A]

You get the dildo. Just put it in the sun for one day. I hate biting into a dildo. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, yeah, this isn't ready.

[B]

It's a little bit like an avocado or cantaloupe.

[A]

You gotta squeeze it to make sure it gives.

[B]

Has enough of that give.

[A]

Well, that's the thing is when I'm buying dildos, people are always like, what are you squeezing them for, you pervert? And I'm like, I'm trying to see if it's juicy yet. And you get all freaked out.

[B]

But it's a giant bin of them.

[A]

Stop touching all the dildos. My grandfather was a dildo farmer and he told me, if you want a juicy one, you gotta squeeze every one in the bin.

[B]

He showed me when I was a little boy.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

The right way to pick out your dildo.

[A]

And those bastards, they chased him out of town. Paul Rudd, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Seriously, thank you, Colin. Directed by Bradley Cooper. Is this Thing On Is an intimate and hopeful portrait of a man on the precipice of divorce as he navigates reinvention, reconnection and redemption in middle age. We meet Alex in the wake of a separation from Tess, looking for community and catharsis, and he stumbles into the New York comedy scene. Through comedy, Alex discovers a passion and sense of purpose just as Tess embarks on her own journey of self discovery. Deadline calls. Is this Thing On? A brilliant and profound explanation of marriage. It stars Will Arnett, our good friend Lara Dern, Andra Day and Bradley Cooper. Is this Thing On? Is an exploration of identity, self fulfillment and second chances. And I gotta say, I love all things Will Arnett. Yeah, he's really dear to me and I thought he killed it in this movie. You guys saw it too?

[C]

I loved everybody in it too. Yeah, I thought it was a really cool story. I really loved it.

[B]

Yeah, I think it's really hard to.

[A]

Make standup comedy feel like legitimate and it really did that in an amazing way also. And I hate to make it about me, but I also have used comedy as Cathars and I think someone should make a movie about me and my journey and Will Arnett should play me now. Playing in select theaters everywhere January 9th. Get tickets today. Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a.

[B]

Very happy half off holiday because right.

[A]

Now Mint Mobile is offering you the.

[B]

Gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service.

[A]

Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means half day.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network busy taxes and fees extra. See mint mobile.com.

[D]

We have something that we have to show you. Do you remember that show Star Search from decades ago?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So it's coming back and I think there's something about the promo that you need to be made aware.

[B]

Aware of.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Star Search, the world's greatest talent competition. Welcome Beyonce, Kevin James, Usher, Raymond, Britney Spears. The show that launched the greatest stars of our time.

[D]

Look up in the top right. Oh, it says Conan o'. Brien.

[A]

Wait, is that real?

[D]

It's real.

[A]

I don't get that.

[B]

Our very own Ruthie shared this with me. I think Netflix put out a trailer for this Star Search reboot and this is the trailer. And they are saying all of these names they're implying were launched. Their careers were launched by Star Search.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Did you ever have anything to do with Star Search?

[A]

I did not. I was. No. That is, no, that is not my origin story. If it was, I would shout it to the rooftops. I wish I had been on Star Search. I'd have had at least a little more experience before I took over late night in 1993. No.

[C]

How cool.

[A]

I, I, honestly, I, I, I am flabbergasted.

[C]

What do I do?

[A]

It does say greatest stars of our time, though. So aren't you, you know, I know.

[C]

Maybe you could just make it up.

[B]

Maybe.

[D]

Did you do like, they used to do dramatic monologues on there?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

No, I never had any connection to.

[D]

Maybe they want you on this season. They want to make a star out of it.

[A]

Oh, I am. Does any. Has anyone looked into this at all before we started talking about it?

[C]

Did anyone Google Conan?

[B]

We asked around the office. I talked to Jeff. Jeff said he doesn't think that. He doesn't know. He doesn't get it.

[A]

I mean, unless I've dangerously in need of neurosurgery, I have had no connection. I'm not upset at all.

[D]

I want to get to the bottom.

[C]

But you're not upset.

[A]

No, not really upset for you. Why?

[C]

Just using your name, being like, we launched his career. Doesn't that make you want to, like, cut a bitch?

[A]

No, no, no. I'm glad someone thinks that it's worth putting me in there.

[D]

I want them to answer for this. I want them to say what they think you did on Star Search or for Star Search.

[A]

You know, is it possible that on the old late night show we did a bit once about Star Search and they're showing that or something? But that would be. That's false advertising.

[D]

No, they're definitely making the case that all of these people got their start from Star Search.

[A]

Listen, here's another question I had have. Who else then is being misrepresented in this ad?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Because if they're using my name. It must be. There must be some other people in there too.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It said Dave Chappelle was Dave Chappelle. Maybe he was. Maybe he was on Star Search.

[B]

It said Adam Sandler. Was he on Star Search?

[A]

These are all the folks according to Google, right?

[C]

Is Conan on there?

[D]

Adam Sandler is on there.

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah, I don't see.

[C]

You're not on there?

[A]

No, I'm not on there there.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

Now, I don't want to be a conspiracy theorist. Yeah. But I'm just saying, what if the.

[B]

Netflix marketing people put you in there.

[A]

Knowing you weren't part of it so they could get free publicity of you talking about it?

[D]

Oh, that would be deep seated.

[A]

All I'm saying is, you know, and we are talking about it right now.

[B]

We are talking about, are we playing.

[A]

Right into their hands for exactly what.

[D]

They wanted by knowing now proving that we have played a part in Star Search because here we are talking about it and there's his name on the screen.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

It's some weird time travel.

[A]

Now listen, I would be very impressed if that were the case. I don't tend to be a conspiracy theorist. I tend to think, no, there was a mistake somewhere or, okay, the Mark Twain Prize was on Netflix and I think it was a success for them. And maybe just the same program that's like feeding names in took my name from that. Look, Sona, I don't understand how, how technology works, but I know.

[C]

I think you're way too chill about this. I think we need to make this a bigger deal than it actually is.

[A]

I don't think. Are you angry on my behalf? Be honest.

[D]

I'm curious. On.

[A]

I'm curious.

[D]

I'm not gonna, as you say, cut a.

[C]

No. Yeah, I think, I think some need to be cut.

[D]

How many should be cut?

[C]

I don't know how many?

[D]

It's a 3 cut.

[C]

I don't know. It could be a. I don't know, however many were in the room need to be cut. We just go around how many.

[D]

What's the most amount of been cut?

[C]

I don't know. A lot of be cut. If there's a lot of be involved.

[A]

Be all the cut simultaneously or be cut at intervals.

[C]

You gotta cut the bitches at simultaneously because once one sees the other bitch get cut, that bitch run.

[D]

Every bitch be cut or some bitch get way.

[C]

No, all bitches be cut. Whoever bitch be involved, bitches be cut.

[A]

Be bitches in circle around cutter. Be bitches in making one circle so.

[C]

That it's Just and be cut. Getting cutter.

[D]

What if cutter a bitch?

[A]

Yeah, you cut.

[D]

Cutter, bitch better cut. Bitch.

[C]

Yeah, cutter. You bitch. You cut. You.

[A]

Okay, okay. Yeah, you cut. You bitch.

[C]

You cut.

[A]

You be cut. Bitch be you cut. Yes, you cut B. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's all clear. So that clears it up for me. I'm angry and I want to cut a bitch.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

I'm just saying they're changing your origin story. Everybody like can look at this and say, oh, there is footage of Britney Spears. But then you see your name on here and they're claiming you.

[A]

I have to say, looking at it, I am very intrigued. I'm not angry, but I'm just, I'm just. I mean, Adam, what do you think? Seriously seething?

[B]

I wasn't offended. I'm kind of like you. I'm just like. This is kind of funny and interesting.

[D]

I think I'm falling with Sona. They're taking some credit and almost saying you're not a self made man, which you are.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think of people that went on star. Star Search is self made.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

I think it's a good, you know, I mean, good for.

[B]

It's a platform for getting, I think.

[A]

Here next to Beyonce. What are you.

[C]

What would you have even done?

[A]

Yeah, hey, if beyond. If it's good enough for Beyonce, it's good enough for me.

[C]

Yeah, but what's your talent?

[A]

Oh, no, bitch gonna get cut. I'm. Now I'm very fond of this cut a bitch thing. Now I'm intrigued by this whole theory of cutting a bitch.

[D]

You better be careful.

[A]

It's your talent. I'm sure I went out and did some bits and they were just as powerful and show stopping as Beyonce. Hello, fellows. And the assorted ladies. I don't know, I don't.

[C]

I don't like this one.

[D]

I hope he did a little song and dance.

[A]

You know, I'm very. We gotta find out. We gotta find out. Oh, we get Melmed in here.

[B]

Oh, oh, yeah, bring him in.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Get around. Be a Melmed off the ground Be a Melmet. Get around. I start singing Melmed's song to an unclearable song by litigious Paul McCartney.

[D]

Oh, just brings us right back to the last time Melmed.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I was gonna say, I think I did that on purpose.

[B]

Okay, we're gonna.

[D]

We're gonna bring David Melmed back in, who is our lawyer. You probably know him from past segments. He's wonderful, very handsome.

[B]

And on a near episode or the.

[D]

Next episode, we'll get to the bottom.

[B]

Of this with him.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Inappropriate.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[D]

Conan o' Brien needs a friend With Conan o' Brien Sonam of Session and Matt Gourley Produced by me, Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples, engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up [e-mail] Conan and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O' Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[A]

Hi, I'm Jenny Slate, and believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast. I'm Gabe Liedman. I'm Max Silvestri, and we've been friends for 20 years, and we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives. It's called I need you guys. Should I give my baby fresh vegetables? Can I drink the water at the hospital? My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop.

[B]

You should make sure that you subscribe.

[A]

So that you never miss an episode.

[B]

I need to go.

[D]

Tyler redick here from 2311 Racing. You think racing's tough? Try getting your friends to agree on dinner plans.

[A]

I'm in.

[D]

Wait, maybe what time again? While they figure that out, I rev up Chumba Casino play on your browser. No downloads necessary. No need to negotiate. Why wait on them when you can spin for yourself? Play [e-mail] com let's Chumba.

[A]

No purchase necessary.

[B]

VGW group void where prohibited by law. CTNCs 21/plus sponsored by Chumba Casino.