Snack Attack III: Rise of the Meat Flute

Summary

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Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Snack Attack III: Rise of the Meat Flute

Team Coco & Earwolf | September 18, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this uproarious installment, Conan, Sona Movsesian, Matt Gourley, and producer Aaron Blaylock reconvene to address the podcast’s now legendary "snack basket" saga. Following fan-fueled mockery of the so-called "meat flute," the team embarks on a ridiculous but earnest quest to invent (and market) a protein-packed, possibly musical snack for celebrity guests. The episode is filled with improvisational banter, failed food experiments, and an unfiltered exploration of just how weird "merch" can get, careening through innuendo and physical comedy.

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Key Points & Segments

1. The Snack Basket Backstory

[01:51 – 02:55]

• The episode stems from prior criticisms Conan made about the unappealing, health-focused snack baskets for podcast guests—items like kale chips and mushroom jerky remain untouched, even by the office rats.
• Conan: “We had rats here at Larchmont who were starving to death. I opened the snacks and put them out for the rats, and they left a note that said, fuck you in beautiful calligraphy.” [02:27]

2. Birth of the 'Meat Flute' Concept

[02:55 – 05:40]

• Conan’s ongoing call for more protein led the team to brainstorm the creation of a “meat flute”—an edible, whimsical snack with potential musical properties.
• Fans responded enthusiastically, mocking up packaging and even T-shirts, with Conan eager to control the “revenue stream.”
• Conan: “Once I have my lips wrapped around an idea this good, I don't let go.” [24:25]

3. Fan Submissions & Merch

[04:39 – 07:34]

• Listeners sent in photoshopped meat flute packaging and fan art.
• They also received a T-shirt from fan Carrie London’s company ‘Hoosties,’ emblazoned with “Conan’s Meat Flute: All proceeds go to benefit Conan and Conan-related shenanigans.”
• Group gleefully debates the shirt’s art and whether it’s unintentionally risqué.
• Sona: “You're playing the meat flute here... it doesn't look like you’re playing it. It looks like you’re fellating it.” [07:09]

4. Is It Musical? Debating the Meat Flute’s Design

[09:01 – 17:38]

• Internally engineered meat flutes are revealed—literal sticks of preserved beef with holes poked through, intended to double as wind instruments.
• Both comedic and genuine attempts are made to play music with these meat creations, yielding only meaty noises.
• Matt: “You two are blowing into sticks of beef. Grown men blowing into sticks of meat.” [11:45]

5. Escalation: Enter the Meat Professionals

[18:38 – 22:34]

• A "professional-grade" meat flute from a real meat company is introduced, supposedly only edible “below the rope.”
• More attempts to produce music result in existential self-loathing and laughter.
• Conan: “I've never been this embarrassed on the—oh, wait a minute. Oh. Kind of something.” [20:46]
• Manufacturer is anonymous, humorously distancing themselves from the product.
• Sona: “They clearly don't want us to mention them. They made this but don't want to have anything to do with it.” [22:37]

6. Philosophy, Failure, and the Future

[22:44 – 25:29]

• Conan reflects on meat flute development, likening it to the Space Race:
  “We do this not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard... I will stay alive to be 150 years old to make this happen. I’m arbitrarily making this the dream of my life and the only purpose of my life.” [23:31]
• The team debates logistics (should you start with the meat or the instrument?), pitches for angel investors, and Conan refuses to let go of the idea, despite universal skepticism.
• Conan: “Once I have my lips wrapped around an idea this good, I go. You know what I mean?” [24:25]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [02:27] Conan: “We had rats... I opened the snacks and put them out for the rats, and they left a note that said, fuck you in beautiful calligraphy.”
• [07:09] Sona: “You're playing the meat flute here... it doesn't look like you’re playing it. It looks like you’re fellating it.”
• [09:30] Conan (riffing on personal anatomy): “My penis has five holes in it. I worked at a Swingline stapler factory... It was no pants day... the year was 1988...”
• [11:45] Matt: “You two are blowing into sticks of beef. Grown men blowing into sticks of meat...”
• [23:31] Conan (on making the meat flute ‘work’): “I will stay alive to be 150 years old to make this happen. I’m arbitrarily making this the dream of my life and the only purpose of my life.”
• [24:25] Conan (in full innuendo): “Once I have my lips wrapped around an idea this good, I go, you know what I mean?... I'll go to my knees for this, and that's a promise. I'll put my hair back with a scrunchie and I'll get to work until this is done... And if anyone reads into this, you're disgusted, disgusting. You're fucking disgusting people.”

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Flow & Tone

The episode is a rapid-fire, running gag-fest marked by:

• Go-for-broke physical comedy (actually trying to play and eat “meat flutes”)
• Ongoing, escalating innuendo, almost meta in its self-mockery
• Equal parts workshopping and satire of entrepreneurial, "side hustle" culture
• COSMIC POINT: Conan’s persona as a man obsessed with a fundamentally bad idea, refusing all reason

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Essential Listening Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Highlight | |-------------|------------------------------| | 01:51 | Snack basket critique begins | | 02:55 | Meat flute idea developed | | 04:39 | Fan merch and mockups | | 07:09 | Hilarious shirt/innuendo debate| | 09:01 | Meat flute prototypes unveiled| | 11:45 | Grown men try to play meat | | 18:38 | Professional meat flute arrives| | 22:44 | Where do we go from here? | | 23:31 | Conan’s “meat flute” space race| | 24:25 | Conan’s climactic vow |

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a comic masterclass in escalation, riffing, and forcing a joke far past its logical endpoint. The “meat flute” goes from a throwaway line to elaborate props, merchandise, and self-lacerating parody of Conan’s ambition. You don’t need to have heard previous “Snack Attack” episodes to appreciate the ridiculous commitment and chemistry between Conan and his cohosts. Memorably absurd, self-aware, and packed with laugh-out-loud moments, “Rise of the Meat Flute” is peak Conan podcasting.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm sick of people saying Aruba, tropical island. No, it's more than that. I'm passionate about this. The desert climate means beaches and cacti. That means more than one cactus. It's like the ocean and the desert had a perfect baby. The weather, always perfect. Sunny skies, cooling breezes, no jib jabs, no jubjubs. Aruba's got postcard worthy white sand beaches like Eagle beach. Just name TripAdvisor's best beach of 2025.

[B]

Oh, snap.

[A]

Can you snap that any better? You don't think you can. Plus, Aruba's got over 100 nationalities. 100 nationalities. It's like the UN incredible cuisine, locals so friendly you'll wonder if they're confusing you for someone important. I'm telling you, when you go to Aruba, you feel like a king and or queen. Show Aruba some love and Aruba will love you right back. Plan your next [e-mail] Uncrustables are the best part of the sandwich. I mean, we've been thinking that. Why does he say it right, Sona?

[B]

Yeah, like, who needs a crust?

[A]

You've been saying that since the day I met you 15 years ago. Sona. You said, who needs the crust? And I said, first of all, my name's Conan. You know. Anyway, it's the perfect grab and go for all of life's moments with unbeatable soft bread and a variety of flavors like, well, peanut butter and grape jelly, peanut butter and strawberry jam. Hello. Peanut butter and raspberry spread and so much more. No mess, no prep, just thaw and eat. Yep. Get them in the freezer aisle today.

[B]

Conan o' Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com callkonan okay, let's get started.

[C]

Today, in lieu of a fan episod episode, we're gonna address something very special. A couple months ago, we did an episode with our talent coordinator, Maddie Ogden, about the snack basket that she leaves for guests when they come in. And you took some real issues.

[A]

I did, yeah. And I pointed out some flaws, which I think was important because I'm gonna say this. Guests were not taking the baskets. They weren't even taking much of the food from the baskets. And I noticed that it was a lot of green chips made of kale. Yeah. Super healthy stuff.

[C]

And mushroom jerky was one of the contentious things in there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. We had rats here at Larchmont who were starving to death. And they didn't touch those snacks. I opened the snacks and put them out for the rats, and they left a note that said, fuck you in.

[C]

Beautiful calligraphy in the second episode, I believe, where Maddie kind of gave you her new snacks for approval.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Blay, maybe you can weigh in on this. The subject and idea and concept of something called a meat flute came up.

[D]

Well, originally. So, Conan, to your point, you had complained that there wasn't enough protein in the snack basket.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

You work out a lot and you want to get.

[A]

Thank you for noticing.

[D]

Want to get some protein. And then we thought, oh, but also, we were. We work at a whimsical, funny place. And then we said, well, it might be fun if we give the guests something, not only protein, but something they could take home and use, like a meat flute.

[B]

And.

[D]

And so fans took. Took this suggestion. They loved it, and they. They ran with this meat flute idea. Big hit with the fans.

[A]

Good one.

[C]

One other thing to add is that we decided it would make more sense for us to have our own product than to be using other people's products. And you were adamant that you wanted to retain all of the profits.

[A]

Yes. This sounds like me. If the idea. I remember when the idea of the meat flute came up, there was some concept that, oh, we'll team up with some company. And I was thinking, wait a minute, why can't we? I mean, we have a building here. I would guess it's not that hard to curate meats and sell them to fk.

[C]

Like, just the five of us are gonna.

[A]

I don't have to worry about it. My idea. I'm an idea guy. And then it's up to Adam to get one of you two to sort of, what, slice and dry meats?

[B]

That's you, Gorals. You would do that?

[C]

Why?

[B]

You would make your own meat.

[A]

You look like a guy that would wear an apron.

[B]

You know, you make your own meat.

[C]

I get to wear, like, a. Like a leather face. Apr.

[A]

Sure. Or maybe the apron itself would be made of meats. Dried. All right, but my point. My point is that I think this would be a great idea, and it's a revenue stream, and I'm always being encouraged to explore new revenue streams. And I think meat flute, the Conan brand.

[B]

Yeah, baby.

[A]

It's.

[C]

Well, considering print paper, this episode today is kind of almost like exploring all options because we did have some fans mock up some meat flutes, and you can see these eencoco podcasts on Instagram. Also, of course, if you watch the YouTube of this video. But there's a bag there I love.

[A]

I mean, that photo of me is fantastic. I look ins. I look just. I'm the most deliriously happy person you've ever seen on any food product. And that's really saying something. Yeah, that guy's just electric with joy.

[C]

But look at the little details in this. All proceeds go to him. Yeah, and then there's like an FDA badge down there with just a skull.

[B]

It says not really Cleared by the. And then the FTA is in big letters.

[C]

Yeah, but is that meat or is it like chips? I can't tell from.

[B]

I know. I don't know what that is.

[A]

I don't know. Don't worry about it.

[B]

Are you supposed to be able to play the meat flute?

[C]

Well, this is the other thing is it became obviously, like a very phallic joke of Conan's meat flute.

[A]

You know what? I was hoping it wouldn't go down that road.

[C]

It already did. It already had.

[A]

That's too bad. That just breaks my head.

[B]

You wanted to keep it clean.

[C]

Here's what you're talking about.

[B]

So disgusting. That looks so bad.

[C]

All proceeds go to him. Conan's meat flute. And it's just a flute made out of meat.

[B]

It's so ugly.

[C]

It's.

[A]

What do you mean, it looks like a flute?

[C]

Well, yeah, but it just. It looks like something from like the Dark World of the Hobbits or something like that.

[A]

I don't know. I think that looks perfectly fine. You guys are reading into it. It's nice. It's a flute. It looks like it would actually play some fine music. And we could. We could try it out, but I would buy that. Come on. If you were in a truck stop, you wouldn't buy that?

[B]

No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't not buy that.

[C]

We also got some shirts that had been made.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

This shirt is made by Carrie London, who's a huge fan, and she has a T shirt company called Hoosties.

[A]

Let's see these. This is nice.

[C]

Conan's meat flute. All proceeds go to benefit Conan and Conan related shenanigans.

[A]

I love this. And look at. This is a great depiction of me or John F. Kennedy or Ted Kennedy or Robert Kennedy or George Kennedy, the actor from Airport. This is. Or Kennedy, the vj. This is great art. This is my favorite color. A heather green. It really is.

[C]

It's nice.

[B]

Yeah, it's a nice color on you.

[D]

One of the photos was done by Tommy Toon on Reddit. The other one was Fossil sandwich On Reddit.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Maybe Tommy Tune the choreographer, too. Maybe, yes.

[D]

Who knows? I'm not sure about the shirts.

[B]

You're playing the meat flute here.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It doesn't look like you're playing it.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

It looks like you're fellating it.

[A]

Why do you do that?

[B]

Look at your face.

[A]

Yeah. That's not the. That's the face of someone who's being fellated. Blowing people who are fellating. I don't think.

[C]

Well, notice you can't see the bottom of the shirt. What's going on?

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Let me see. What? I don't understand.

[B]

You're. It doesn't. That doesn't look sexual to you?

[A]

No. I see nothing sexual there.

[B]

Okay. Why are your eyes bulging out of your head like that?

[A]

If I was being fellated, my eyes would be popping out of my head. If I'm feing someone and I say this from experience, my eyes aren't popping out of my head.

[B]

You're. You don't.

[A]

I'm like, let's get this done.

[B]

No one makes this face when they're.

[A]

That police officer comes back. Do you know what I mean?

[B]

No one makes this face.

[A]

You can't get any piece at this ymca.

[B]

No. No one makes.

[A]

Can a fella get a break? I'm working here. Yeah. I don't see. I don't get a sexual thing there. I don't at all.

[B]

Sexual thing. For sure.

[A]

I don't. There's a sexual underground. This is a real test. You can look at a filing test. Yeah. You can look at a filing cabinet and go, oh, I see what that is. That's a dick and that's a vag.

[B]

All files go into it. So, yeah. There is something sexual about filing cabinets.

[A]

Out of control. Abacus. Abacus. Sexual little balls. You're sliding. Little ball.

[B]

Yeah. You're playing with these little balls.

[A]

Yeah. How about adding up all these? You're adding up and then you're like. You know.

[C]

Now that you've seen the external pitches, we actually, amazingly, had John.

[A]

Rao, the prophet master John Rao, shout out to John Rao.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Been with me for hundreds of years and a legend.

[C]

Yeah. Internally, we've begun some. Some work on some Conan meat flutes. And we're going to bring those in right now. And these are real.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Jason's bringing him in right now. Also a legend. Oh, wow. Look at these.

[B]

Oh, God, love.

[A]

Oh. And smell them. That smells like good quality beef.

[B]

I don't need this at all.

[A]

Doesn't that smell good?

[C]

Does this feel sexual to you sona.

[A]

I don't get anything sexual.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Meaty poles. The seven schlongs of Hercules.

[A]

All right, let's try and clean this up. I will say one thing. It's a little triggering for me. Okay.

[C]

Why?

[A]

My penis has five holes in it. I worked at a Swingline stapler factory. Let me finish. And it was no pants day. The year was 1988. I was in between jobs, and I remember joking around and saying, look, everybody, it says stapler piranha attack.

[C]

Wait, so when you pee, it's like one of those portable sprinklers. You lie on the line.

[A]

I'm often asked when I have had a lot of water before I use the urinal, would I mind going out to the lawn and rotating my body? Look at these.

[C]

Are these edible? These are edible.

[D]

They are edible, yes.

[A]

Well, define edible like it's a prop that was just brought into the room by Jason Chalemi. And I've seen. I've been in every country in the world with Jason Shalemi, and I've seen him haul around some absurd props that he's had in his. You know, in his house.

[D]

He took a bag of legs to. To Thailand.

[A]

Yes, but are these really edible?

[D]

Well, here's what I. Well, shall I be saying?

[A]

Come in. You have to testify. Wow.

[B]

You eagerly came into this studio to make sure you we knew it was edible.

[D]

They were dropped off on Sunday.

[A]

I met John Rao at a bar. Most she did, he was sitting with her. He was sitting with her. No, no, it's true. John Rao was sitting with a priest, a rabbi, and a kangaroo. I remember this.

[C]

You guys met in a bar and did a meat flute handoff.

[A]

Correct. Some beers, and then you had a.

[C]

Meat flute meet cute.

[A]

It was midday Sunday.

[B]

I would leave my family to go meet you and John Rao in a bar.

[A]

Especially if there's the old meat flute.

[B]

Yeah, I'd be there for a meat flute exchange.

[A]

Explain that. They're all edible.

[C]

Have they been, like, preserved since then, or they just been sitting out?

[A]

No, it's been preserved. It was in a Ziploc. It was in a fridge.

[B]

So you just.

[A]

It's highly doubtful to be music played from them.

[C]

Well, I will say you might.

[A]

I'm not gonna eat one. I'm just gonna go on. I'm gonna say right now that. And I'm just thinking, I have kids. I shouldn't eat this. And if I die because I ingested a meat flute. Yeah, you don't want think of that headline. Everyone's gonna misunderstand right.

[C]

You think just at first blush, that someone just poked holes in these, but he did carve out a reed here.

[A]

Yeah, now there's some. And he also. He said if you're. If you're inventive with your lips, you might be able to make noise. Okay, here we go. Well, I've said that before.

[B]

Oh, my God. You two are blowing into sticks of beef. You guys are blowing into sticks of meat right now.

[C]

I'll give you $1,000 if you can play some Jethro Tull right now.

[A]

Aqualon. Here we go.

[B]

Grown men blowing into sticks of meat.

[A]

Conan o' Brien Needs a Friend is brought to you by Airbnb. Well, as you may have heard, I hosted my own Airbnb original experience at the Sirius XM Garage, Louisiana. It was part live podcast, part cocktail party, and part air guitar. And I gotta say, I think it was a huge success. Blay, what did you think?

[D]

It was fantastic. And people learned how to be amazing air guitarists. They got an amazing podcast recording from you guys. And the best part is they all got to say how they feel about being your friend for the first time ever. So that was incredibly fun.

[A]

Also, if you told me when I was 20 years old that I would get to interview Spinal Tap, oh, man, my eyes would have melted, you know, like marshmallows in a flame. I just can't believe it. That was insane.

[D]

Yeah, so it was a really, really fun Airbnb experience.

[A]

And, Sona, did you have a good time?

[B]

It was really cool. It was a really cool night, for sure.

[A]

Very happy to do this with Airbnb, because I am not just someone who talks about Airbnb. I'm a satisfied customer. I've used Airbnb again in San Francisco for outside lands. Had a blast n. My daughter and I stayed there, found a place, and it really felt like our home, which was very nice.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

So if you want to hear more about my Airbnb original experience, listen or watch the September 15 episode on YouTube. I think you'll have a good time. Sona, you and I share many things in common, but one is that we love mysteries. We love true crime. And frankly, I love me some murderers.

[B]

Yeah, I love any crime, really. I love fraud. I love.

[A]

You do love fraud. You love to commit fraud. You've committed fraud on me many times.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

I have to say, when it comes to true crime podcasts, there's one that really delivers. It's called Crime Junkie. And I don't even have to say it's called Crime Junkie. Everyone knows it's Crime Junkie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Every week, the queen of true crime, Ashley Flowers, who I love talking to, by the way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She dives into a new case, some well known, others you've never heard of, and she tells it with the kind of storytelling that makes you feel like you're right there with her, which is terrifying because she's often talking about things where you don't want to be right there with her.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like I'm with you committing this murder, Ashley. But no, it's really great. There are hundreds of episodes of Crime Junkie already waiting for you. New cases covered every Monday. So listen to Crime Junkie wherever you listen to podcasts. If you're going to drink tequila, might as well do it the right way with the one chosen by the people who know it best. Gran Centenario Tequila Gran Centenario is Mexico's number one, or as I say, numero uno tequila. When the people who know tequila best choose it, that says everything. Founded in 1857, that's, well, almost four years before the Civil War by Lazaro Gallardo, the world's first master distiller of tequila. Gran Centenario is still family owned and crafted at its birthplace in the highlands of Jalisco, Mexico. It captures the true spirit of Mexico with centuries of heritage in every bottle. At the heart of it is the selection Suave, smooth selection process, a proprietary blending method that combines newly tested and aged tequila reserves for an exceptionally smooth profile. Gran Centenario, Mexico's number one tequila. Try Gran Centenario, the tequila Mexico drinks. Go to grandcentenario.com to learn more. Grand Centennial Tequila 40% alcohol by volume Proxim proximospirits.com this is an advertisement for BetterHelp. BetterHelp is fully online now. I talk about BetterHelp a lot because I'm a believer that people should get talk therapy. A lot of people are having issues out there. Some are in crisis. Some just have issues that they want to discuss and get out in the open. And the best way to do that is to talk to somebody. And BetterHelp makes therapy affordable, convenient. You can easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. That's important so you don't feel awkward about, am I stuck with this therapist? How do I break up? As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. So people that are good at all different kinds of therapy. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp. Conan. That's BetterHelp. BetterHelp.com Conan I can't get any sound out of this. There's no reed. None of them have any inside parts.

[C]

Maybe we can make one.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, I think I just cheated a little bit. Here we go.

[B]

What is happening?

[D]

It does sound like he's playing a meat flute.

[A]

Try the big one with the. Yeah, try the big one. Let's try that one. Try the jumbo.

[B]

I think these will work.

[A]

Things are flying out.

[D]

Guess what?

[A]

A big piece of beef just fell out the front.

[B]

It's the fact that you think music will come out of these sticks of meat. What do you think's gonna happen? You're. You haven't even changed your meat stick. You're still trying on the same stick.

[C]

Aqua Lung, my friend, I can't work here anymore.

[B]

We're done. I gotta go. I gotta.

[C]

You poor old son.

[B]

I gotta leave. This is awful. All our kids are gonna be brutally teased right now. Oh, my Go.

[C]

Hey, Aqua Lung. All right.

[A]

I have. Quick. This brought up a triggering memory for me. Don't try and eat it.

[C]

You know what? It wasn't the taste. It was. I didn't expect it to collapse and be so hollow. And it felt like rancid.

[A]

Yeah, the insides are gone. The insides are gone.

[B]

Listen, carve out the insides. Or were they already.

[A]

There's a special tool.

[B]

What?

[A]

Some welding device? Well, okay. Here's what we need to fix. No music comes out of these. Now, this is shocking to me, but we do need to address this because these meat flutes can't go out on the market until they are functioning as musical instruments.

[C]

I'm glad you've said that because we've now been able to level up where some meat professionals heard about this and sent a professional grade meat flute right now.

[B]

So this is Meat Professionals.

[C]

Meat professionals.

[B]

We made them take a break from being actual professionals to do this for us. This is stupid. I can't be here.

[A]

Look at this thing.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, my God. This is a.

[D]

Okay, so this one. It's only edible below the rope.

[C]

Those words have never been uttered in human history.

[A]

We have an issue.

[D]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

The smell.

[D]

No, it's gotta. It's. It's gotta go across. Yeah, yeah. Across the top.

[C]

Like you're on your own.

[B]

You gotta. You brought this up. You gotta do it.

[A]

Am I doing it wrong?

[B]

I think the bottom lip is supposed to touch and you're supposed to like a. There she is.

[C]

Almost.

[B]

Can'T believe you hosted the Oscars.

[A]

Wait a minute. You know what? When we were playing Aqualung, when I was trying to play Aqualung, I had a sense memory of. With the guitar singing Aqualung at the Emmys on stage while the cameras are rolling and looking out. And the first. The only face I could see was Oprah Winfrey in the front row staring back at me and knowing this woman will never be my friend. And here it is, 25 years later. I don't think we've ever spoken. Let's bring her in. Yeah, I know. I'm not gay. Can of sound. Well, I'll tell you this. It's served. It's beef. It's meat. It just smells like meat.

[C]

Only edible below the water.

[B]

I can't believe we thought this was a.

[A]

Something that could work. I think it's doable.

[C]

Let me try it.

[A]

Yeah, give it to Matt.

[D]

You do it, Matt.

[A]

Yeah, Matt. I can't. One of the things is that to really get your mouth up there, you gotta inhale pure.

[C]

Olaf, is there like a reed in these? I guess there is.

[A]

I think it's a crop.

[D]

You gotta go a crop. Like a bottle.

[A]

This is just embarrassing.

[C]

I feel.

[A]

And you know what? I've never been this embarrassed on the. Oh, wait a minute. Oh. Kind of something.

[B]

Oh, yeah. This will make people buy the meat.

[C]

Like, I have no integrity. I feel the lowest I've ever felt.

[A]

When you feel that way, that's what's happening.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I feel the hand flute made of beef.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

When you laughed, it worked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think you have to be laughing at your own.

[C]

You have to have joy in your heart.

[A]

You have to have joy in your heart, and you have to be laughing at your own absurdity. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

I'm like Zamfir, but in hell.

[B]

I just want to make. Put it on the record. I have not blown into a single stick of meat. I just want to make sure everyone knows this about me.

[A]

So I have not me thinks thou do protest too much meat. Okay, well, okay, here's the thing. This is a work in progress because this does not work as a musical instrument. And I'm pretty sure it doesn't work as beef. It's.

[C]

It doesn't work as a way to live, I can tell you that much.

[A]

This needs a lot of work. But I am encouraged. I'm like John F. Kennedy talking about the Space program in 1961.

[B]

Yeah, it's the same.

[A]

I think we're not Doing this because it's easy, but because it's hard, we're gonna do this and the other things. I believe we proceed. I think we're onto something. And I say that knowing that we aren't.

[C]

Who are the meat professionals that made this?

[A]

They're from.

[D]

They're from a well known meat company.

[A]

Yeah, but this is the problem. Okay. They're from a well known meat company.

[D]

They're not.

[A]

But they don't know about a musical instrument.

[D]

That's right. Yeah, that's true.

[C]

Can we mention who sent it?

[A]

I. I think we're not supposed to.

[B]

They clearly don't want us to mention them. They made this but don't want to have anything to do with it.

[C]

That's hilarious.

[A]

I respect them for staying well clear of us.

[D]

Maybe, Neil, I Conan to your point, maybe we should be pursuing instrument companies that make instruments.

[A]

Yes. I think you've gone about this the wrong way and I'm criticizing everyone involved. That's right. You don't start with the meat. It's gotta be. If you made a. Let's put it this way. Let's say I promised everybody a car made of meat. The first thing I would do is work on the car part and then coat it with meat. I wouldn't make the meat first and then think, hmm, how do I forge this meat? Really?

[C]

I have to eat.

[B]

You have to eat it.

[A]

You have to eat it, but not the whole thing. This is a pan flute that's encased.

[C]

Do you remember there used to be candy flutes?

[A]

Yeah. Toot sweet Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

[C]

Oh, yeah. In theory. This can be done. Edible.

[A]

This can and will be done. This is something that, I mean, I will stay alive to be 150 years old to make this happen. I'm arbitrarily making this the dream of my life and the only purpose of my life.

[C]

But can you guarantee you'll die when it's made?

[A]

It will probably be the last thing they do.

[C]

Let's get this going.

[A]

Me blowing into a huge tube of meat will probably be the last thing I ever do. Okay. But I'll die with a big smile on my eyes.

[C]

Well, to be continued.

[A]

Yeah. To be continued. Stay tuned. We are also taking investors. If people heard this and said, I want a part of this before it takes off without me. We are going to make this right, Adam. We're going to make it available for people to invest.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

And I'm looking for any angel investors. Anyone who wants to put upward of $800 million or a billion dollars into it.

[B]

Maybe we just take the L and move on.

[A]

No.

[B]

What do you think?

[A]

No. Okay, I'm gonna take the B with beef, the M for meat, the F for flute, and I am going to take this and I'm gonna run with it. Once I have my lips wrapped around an idea this good, I go, you know what I mean? Just like this. I go, yeah, yeah.

[C]

No, he does. He is blowing it.

[A]

He said himself, I may have to advance, retreat, advance, retreat. But I will do that with the meat flute until I get some kind of re. And if that means going forward and then having to go back and going forward and going back and going forward and going back and maybe even increasing the speed with which I go back and forth in a more rapid motion, and if I have to get in there and sort of tickle the investors, I'll do what it takes to make sure that this thing comes to fruition in an explosion of wealth for everybody involved. You know what I mean? I'll go to my knees for this, and that's a promise. I'll put my hair back with a scrunchie and I'll get to work until this is done. And if anyone reads into this, you're disgusted, disgusting. You're fucking disgusting people.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So peace out, meat plut. We're gonna have this happen.

[C]

I'm proud to know you, boss.

[A]

You know what? I'm proud that you know me.

[C]

Yeah. Conan o' Brien needs a fan With Conan o' Brien, Sonam of Session and Matt Gourley Produced by me, Matt Gourley Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm Engineering by eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign [e-mail] Conan Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O' Brien needs a fan wherever. Fine podcasts are downloaded.

[A]

For a limited time. At McDonald's, get a Big Mac Extra Value meal for $8. That means two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun and medium fries. And a drink. We may need to change that jingle. Prices and participation may vary.

[B]

All set for your flight? Yep, I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T mobile, headphones. Wait, T Mobile?

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You bet.

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