Snack Attack with Talent Coordinator Maddie Ogden

Summary

Podcast Title: Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend
Episode: Snack Attack with Talent Coordinator Maddie Ogden
Release Date: April 10, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Snack Attack with Talent Coordinator Maddie Ogden," Conan O’Brien takes a humorous yet candid look behind the scenes of his talk show, focusing on the evolution of the guest snack baskets. Joined by Maddie Ogden, the show's talent coordinator, alongside recurring contributors Sona Movsesian and Matt Gourley, Conan explores the shift from traditional treats to more health-conscious, eco-friendly snack options. This discussion not only highlights Conan's love for classic snacks but also delves into the challenges of catering to diverse celebrity preferences.

The Evolution of the Snack Basket

Conan begins by reminiscing about the past staples of the guest snack baskets, which included indulgent and universally loved items:

Conan O’Brien [04:25]: "There used to be really fun things like, oh, a chocolate-covered pretzel, and here's some Raisinets, and here's some this and that."

He contrasts these with the current offerings, expressing his dissatisfaction with the newer, health-focused options:

Conan O’Brien [05:48]: "It's an abomination. I mean, it's a crime. It is packed with all this aggressively healthy eco snacks."

Critiquing the Current Snack Choices

Conan’s main gripe centers around the perceived decline in snack quality and appeal. He humorously describes specific items he finds unappealing:

Conan O’Brien [06:35]: "Roasted seaweed snacks. Toasted sesame roasted to light, crispy perfection. So literally, shit that washes up on the beach and dries, you're giving."

Conan O’Brien [08:10]: "If you put a .44 Magnum to my skull, I would not take a bite of mushroom jerky."

These remarks highlight Conan's preference for more traditional snacks like Oreos and Doritos over the current selections, which he feels lack the same enjoyment and guest appeal.

Impact on Guests and Show Dynamics

Conan suggests that the change in snack offerings may be affecting guest satisfaction and the overall atmosphere of the show. He shares anecdotes to illustrate his point:

Conan O’Brien [08:18]: "Bill Hader came back for the third time. He picked up the mushroom jerky, and he said, is this a prank?"

Additionally, he speculates that the unappealing snacks might be causing well-known personalities to decline participation:

Conan O’Brien [08:10]: "And you wonder why suddenly all the A-listers dropped out."

Team Banter and Humor

Throughout the episode, the interplay between Conan, Sona, Matt, and Maddie is filled with humorous exchanges, showcasing the camaraderie and playful teasing within the team:

Sona Movsesian [04:02]: "Do you think this is how Santa treats his elves?"

Conan O’Brien [20:26]: "This tastes like the ocean. The last time I had this taste in my mouth was when I almost drowned in summer camp."

Matt Gourley [08:36]: "They're kind of saturated with oil or something."

These lighthearted moments provide comedic relief while still addressing the core issue at hand.

Maddie Ogden’s Perspective and Defense

Maddie Ogden defends the new snack choices, emphasizing her role and the intention behind the healthier options:

Maddie Ogden [11:14]: "Snacks are my love language. And while I'm flattered, a lot of other people in the office began also enjoying the snack basket..."

She explains the challenges of maintaining a balance between guest preferences and promoting healthier lifestyles, though Conan remains skeptical of her efforts to improve the snack selection.

Proposed Solutions and Future Plans

Despite his frustrations, Conan acknowledges the need for better snack options and suggests reintroducing beloved treats alongside health-conscious choices:

Conan O’Brien [29:06]: "I'm smashing up all the snacks and then see if Carol Leifer notices... Let's see here."

Conan O’Brien [29:35]: "Throw a couple of Oreos in there, but you can still have your gluten free glim glams and glam glams."

The team discusses various ways to enhance the snack baskets, aiming to satisfy both traditional tastes and modern health trends.

Notable Quotes

• Conan O’Brien [04:25]: "There used to be really fun things like, oh, a chocolate-covered pretzel, and here's some Raisinets, and here's some this and that."

• Conan O’Brien [08:10]: "If you put a .44 Magnum to my skull, I would not take a bite of mushroom jerky."

• Maddie Ogden [11:14]: "Snacks are my love language. And while I'm flattered, a lot of other people in the office began also enjoying the snack basket..."

• Conan O’Brien [20:26]: "This tastes like the ocean. The last time I had this taste in my mouth was when I almost drowned in summer camp."

Conclusion

"Snack Attack" offers a humorous yet insightful glimpse into the behind-the-scenes operations of Conan O’Brien’s talk show, emphasizing the importance of guest experience down to the smallest details like snack baskets. Through playful banter and candid critiques, Conan and his team navigate the balance between maintaining tradition and embracing healthier trends, ultimately aiming to enhance the overall guest experience. This episode not only entertains but also sheds light on the often-overlooked elements that contribute to the success of a high-profile talk show.

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This detailed summary captures the essence of the "Snack Attack with Talent Coordinator Maddie Ogden" episode, highlighting key discussions, humorous exchanges, and the dynamic between Conan and his team. Notable quotes are included with speaker attribution and timestamps to provide authenticity and depth for those who haven't listened to the episode.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

Sure, we got blue jeans, baseball, bald eagles, but come on, there's really nothing as American as the burger, right? And there's nothing more burger than the Sonic Smasher. Yeah, yeah. I mean, this thing is made to order hand smashed Angus beef patties seared to perfection with those incredible crispy edges that make you want to start a slow clap. You know what I'm talking about? That kind of slow clap where you're like, yeah, Sonic, you brought the Sonic Smasher. Then there's the layered melty cheese crinkle cut pickles and onions too. On top of it all, my mind's splitting. Try the Sonic Smasher as a double. Or why not? God forgive us all. A triple. Make the Sonic Smasher your next new favorite burger. Live free. Eat Sonic. Sona, wouldn't you say that life is full of personal wins?

[Sona Movsesian]

I would, Conan.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thanks, Sona. Whether it's cleaning your house, getting that dream car, or checking off your to do list, winning at life is a great feeling. I'm pretty good at winning at life, aren't I? Sona, are you okay? Keep moving. State Farm helps you win by helping you create an affordable price just for you. Doesn't that sound like a win, Sona.

[Sona Movsesian]

That I like an affordable price just for me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, you do. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amounts of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. That's my low voice.

[Sona Movsesian]

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Fan. Now these drop. That's what the kids say on Wednesdays. What's that?

[Sona Movsesian]

Thursday.

[Matt Gourley]

Thursday.

[Conan O'Brien]

So I don't get out much.

[Matt Gourley]

Do you go out to get your podcast? Is that what you do?

[Conan O'Brien]

We're doing something a little different today. Sometimes in this slot, I talk to a fan, but we had a different notion in mind. In fact, I did. Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

This is you.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is me. This comes from me. You know, I like to run a tight ship. I like to make sure that. No, I'm serious. I'm at the helm of a powerful company, an industry, really, Team Coco. And I am constantly looking for ways to improve the efficiency. I'm kind of muskian almost. No. Did I go the wrong way? Okay, I'll think of a better one.

[Matt Gourley]

Every Term of the musk. You're not the musk.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, okay, okay. That was the wrong way to go. Um, I. I think of myself as sort of. I don't. Santa. Santa walking through the workshop, making sure that all of the elves are hard at work making the toys. No, no, no.

[Matt Gourley]

Closer.

[Sona Movsesian]

This is the furthest thing from a tight ship I think I can think of.

[Conan O'Brien]

Really.

[Sona Movsesian]

If this was the North Pole and you were Santa, there would be no Christmas.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right?

[Matt Gourley]

Have you ever seen Ghost Ship where everybody gets bisected by a metal cable? That's kind of what this is.

[Sona Movsesian]

I have not seen that movie.

[Conan O'Brien]

And now what? Now I don't have to see it. You just totally ruined the whole movie.

[Matt Gourley]

That's how the movie opens.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, the movie opens with that? It's the best movie ever. I watch most movies thinking, I wonder if anyone gets bisected by a cable.

[Matt Gourley]

It's a whole party full of people it gets bisected by.

[Conan O'Brien]

And what happens? The boat goes underneath the cable.

[Matt Gourley]

It's like. No, it's some line on the ship that gets broken. And then like 50 people at a 1920s party just get severed in half. And that becomes the ghost ship.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? This is proof that I don't run a tight ship. Because I just let you bibble and babble on about ghost ship and you use the word bisect like nine times.

[Sona Movsesian]

Do you think this is how Santa treats his elves?

[Conan O'Brien]

I think these fucking elves should get their asses in gear.

[Sona Movsesian]

I think he's a jolly man. He seems nice.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? If I ran the North Pole, those toys would get out on time. There wouldn't be any complaints. Most kids would get coal. Even the good kids. And by the way, coal is worth more, you know, these days. It's true.

[Sona Movsesian]

No, it's not.

[Conan O'Brien]

What? What are you talking about?

[Sona Movsesian]

Coal?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, coal, okay? It's the source of petrol. Any hoots? I had a purpose in doing this, which is I've been irritated by something recently. I've noticed that there's a flaw in our system, okay? When we have guests on the show and we have some pretty big names come here, we do a very nice thing, which is we put out this basket of treats for them. Lately I've been looking, and there's a nice little sign on the basket of treats that says welcome and then celebrity.

[Matt Gourley]

That's very thoughtful.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, it is very sweet.

[Conan O'Brien]

If Will Ferrell's here, it's like, welcome, Will. You know, whatever. It's a nice thing. It's very friendly and it's all put together by Maddie Ogden, who's our talent coordinator. And she does a great job of making sure that everyone's very well taken care of. But lately I've been just looking at the basket and the basket is an abomination. I mean, it's a crime. It is packed with all this aggressively healthy eco snacks. And I. First of all, I'm noticing not a lot of people are taking the baskets. I don't think anybody takes the baskets. And it used to be filled with really fun things like, oh, a chocolate covered pretzel, and here's some Raisinets, and here's some this and that. Lately, I don't know what's going on, but I want to get Maddie Ogden in here if she's in the building.

[Sona Movsesian]

Disagree.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want to find out what's going on.

[Matt Gourley]

And let's. Do you have any exhibit A's?

[Conan O'Brien]

I have, yeah, I have some exhibits here. And so let's get Maddie here. Maddie, I hope. Come on in, Maddie. Have it. Maddie.

[Matt Gourley]

Maddie, I just want to say Sona and I have your back at all times.

[Conan O'Brien]

We really do. Well, a lot of good they'll do you because they don't carry the weight that I have. Maddie, one of the things that I've noticed recently is that. And I guess you choose these snacks is that it got aggressive. It got real aggressive. For example, I'm gonna put on the old specs here. Cause gimme roasted seaweed snacks. Toasted sesame roasted to light, crispy perfection. So literally, shit that washes up on the beach and dries, you're giving.

[Matt Gourley]

What's more, there's two of them.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, there's two. Oh. In case you finished one, two. One is toasted sesame, the other's teriyaki. Yeah, why don't you throw some barnacles in here while you're at it?

[Maddie Ogden]

Werner Herzog loved those.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, thank you.

[Maddie Ogden]

So maybe you just don't have as classy of taste.

[Conan O'Brien]

Werner Herzog is also a pain artist. Werner Herzog is someone who loves going into the South African jungle and like, almost dying. He's someone who loves dying and death and madness. He's a guy who's famously almost killed people he's worked with and has almost died himself making his movies. So don't say Werner Herzog loves it. That's like, oh, the Addams Family loves this. Oh, my God, they loved it. Oh, Jesus. Oh, here's more. There's tempura seaweed snacks by Nora I don't even know. And it's a weird shape. It looks like a satanic shape.

[Maddie Ogden]

Satanic?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. This does not look good. It does not look good. Oh, oh, and there's something else. There's one thing that isn't in here that was in here for a while, and I think you got scared and stopped because you noticed that I was complaining, which is mushroom jerky. I knew you were gonna say mush. Why were you putting mushroom jerky? I would. If you put a.44 Magnum to my skull, I would not take a. I would not take a bite of mushroom jerky. And you were handing it to our guests. And then you wonder why suddenly all the A listers dropped out. Where do you even get mushroom jerky?

[Maddie Ogden]

At the snack aisle in Gelson's. And I do have a story. And that's when Bill Hader came back for the third time. He picked up the mushroom jerky, and he said, is this a prank? Is this a prank?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. Well, I'm on Bill's side. Bill's a valued guest. Let's see what else we got here, island style? Well, I'd think, like, oh, good. I guess these are potato chips, but they're hands.

[Maddie Ogden]

One of those.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, Rusty's chips. They're island sty. That doesn't look like any potato chip I've ever seen in my life. It's good, though.

[Matt Gourley]

They're kind of saturated with oil or something.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, it says no trans fats. No saturated fat, no cholesterol. Oh, and here it says, no Joy. Now Joy free. Good job, Rusty. You took everyone's favorite unhealthy snack and turned it into something nobody wants.

[Matt Gourley]

We should be trying some of these. I know you're not supposed to eat on podcasts, but I just.

[Maddie Ogden]

I heard RFK Jr said that joy was inflammatory, so really, I'm just looking out for everyone.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, okay, okay. If you're gonna work in your little political jab, I didn't realize. Oh, here's some good crunchy giant Inca corn. And there's a picture of a female athlete climbing up the side.

[Matt Gourley]

You're going to say a female. Something else.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, they're not corn nuts. It's crunchy giant Inca corn.

[Matt Gourley]

It looks like a vagina.

[Conan O'Brien]

This looks like a vagina and an ear. No. I don't know.

[Sona Movsesian]

I mean, I think people are health conscious.

[Conan O'Brien]

No.

[Sona Movsesian]

And they want healthy snacks.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no, no. That's their choice. This is our gift to them. So if you gift somebody. What are you eating over there?

[Matt Gourley]

Just a skinny dipped dark chocolate peanut butter.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, you found the One thing that was edible in there. Oh, good. Go crazy with banana. All natural banana walnuts.

[Maddie Ogden]

Sarah Silverman took those enthusiastically yesterday.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you realize she's homeless? Sarah Silverman is homeless. When we found her for the pod, she was reaching into a garbage can to eat half a hot dog. And I said, you want to come do the podcast? And she said, is there anything there to eat? I'll eat anything. And I said, would you eat banana walnuts? And she said, yeah, I guess so. I'm so cold and so hungry. So, I mean, this is. This is a war crime. What's going on here? Gfb. Gluten free brothers. Oh, I love the gluten free brothers. When I want to have a good time, I hang with the gluten free. Hey, are the gluten free brothers in town? Let's have a party. Did something happen to you as a child? Is this. Are you angry about something? What's going on? Why would you do this to people?

[Maddie Ogden]

It's just, you know, I have this boss, and he's really critical.

[Sona Movsesian]

That's true. Do you think that you have the taste buds of, like, a young teenage boy, though, Conan? Like, I think you just want, like.

[Conan O'Brien]

Would you guys admit anybody. Does anybody see kind of what I'm saying? That may. Eduardo, would you like to speak up?

[Eduardo Perez]

I'll just say I was convinced that maybe this was Maddie's tactic to keep us away from not touching the guests.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right.

[Maddie Ogden]

Okay, so Eduardo is onto something there. And so the thing is, I love putting out the snack basket. Okay? Snacks are my love language. And while I'm flattered, a lot of other people in the office began also enjoying the snack baske, which is fine, but I got to the point where the guest would be two minutes away and there would be six opened containers in the basket. And, you know, apart from Sarah Silverman, apparently, our guests are classy people. I want a good presentation, and so sometimes I would have to scramble and, you know, like, I don't like greeting the guests when I'm scrambled. I prefer to not be sweaty.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen, listen, Maddie, Maddie, Maddie. I don't want you. I don't want you at all to be on the. I don't want you to all be at all be on the defensive. But if snack.

[Matt Gourley]

But listen, you just attacked her for 10 minutes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen, I don't know why you're being so defensive. By the way, let's continue with the Nuremberg trial. Maddie, if snacks are your love language, you are filled with hate. This is just awful what you're doing. And yes, I agree with you that I understand your tactic that. Yes, would you. You're just chomping away.

[Sona Movsesian]

These are.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can't see them.

[Matt Gourley]

You just knocked both of the gluten free brothers on the floor.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, I knocked out both gluten free brothers with one mighty backhanded blow. Steve and Irwin, here, have some teriyaki chips. Here, why don't you eat this highlighter while you're at it? I hear it's free of electrolytes. The all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X is an unshakable fortress. Powered by a twin turbo V6 engine, ready to propel your adventures to new heights.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, your voice changes when you do a car.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm trying to become Will Arnett, but I can't do it. He's like the all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X. No, listen, I'm going to explain this car to you because this car is fantastic. It's max 8,500 pound towing capacity, has the power to haul all your favorite toys on your next big adventure. You could steal the Statue of Liberty with this. It's incredible. I'm not saying do that. I'm just saying this thing, that's a lot of hauling power. Nobody gets left behind with the Armada Pro 4X's premium interior that seats up to eight passengers.

[Sona Movsesian]

That's crazy.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't know. Eight people going big never goes out of style. No terrain is too tough for the all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X. The most capable Armada ever built. Built for the most rugged of terrain, the all new Nissan Armada Pro 4X gives you freedom to explore further. Hey, Sona. Pretty recently I got together with a bunch of my chums.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Guys I went to college with. We all played football together. And don't laugh at that. That's real. Sorry. Yeah, it was one of those. It was one of those little table games of football. It's actually a video game, simulated football. And it was the 80s so it wasn't a very good game. Anyway, it was a good time. We got together, we had a good time. It's really nice to get together with people and I gotta say, from game nights to parties with friends or special anniversaries, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life. I wanna say cheers to 50 years of Miller Lite. The greatest tasting light beer for people who love beer since 1975.

[Matt Gourley]

Yay.

[Conan O'Brien]

And now the perfect time to legendary stories with friends, family and a great tasting light beer. You know what I call this? What? I call it Miller Time. Oh, I came up with that. It's the 50th anniversary of Miller Light. Can you believe it?

[Sona Movsesian]

I can't.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's the perfect beer for beer lovers. Doesn't fill you up. You always know what you're getting when you crack open a Miller Lite.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, it's crisp.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's crisp. You can have it with anything. With ice cream, you can have it with a corn cob soup. Doesn't matter. Merylite. Great taste. 96 calories. Go to millerlight.com kona to find delivery options near you. Or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. You know what time it is? Ding dong, it's Miller time. Celebrate responsibly. Miller Brewing Co. Milwaukee, Wisconsin 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces. Hey, Blade, you need contract help for those workload peaks and backlog projects all the time. Yeah, well, guess what, buddy boy, you're not alone. At Robert Half, they found that 67% of companies surveyed said they will increase their use of contract talent. I would have guessed it was 67%. That's why their recruiters leverage their experience and use award winning AI to quickly find the skilled candidates you want. Now we're talking. Learn about their specialized talent in finance, accounting, technology, marketing, legal and administrative support. I'm not sure what I'm talking about right now, but I know it's good. I just do. Hey, at Robert Half, they know talent. That's a good tagline. Visit robert half.comtalent today. This message is brought to you by BetterHelp. You know, a lot of people say therapy costs a lot of money, but think about it. You're investing in your own mental health, in your state of mind. So let's talk numbers. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to $250 per session. That adds up fast. But with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save on average up to 50% per session. So it's really not that expensive. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions. That's saving you big on cost and on time. Now, therapy should be accessible. It should feel accessible, shouldn't feel like a luxury. With online therapy, you get quality care at a price that makes sense. Your mental health is worth it. Now. It's within reach. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. That's a lot of people.

[Sona Movsesian]

That's a lot of people.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thanks Sonia.

[Sona Movsesian]

Sorry. That was my contribution to this.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow. I wasn't sure 5 million people globally was a lot of people until you chimed in.

[Aaron Blair]

It is.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think you need some online therapy. It's convenient, too. You can join a session with the click of a button. Helping you fit therapy into your busy life, plus switch therapists at any time. That's a great convenience. Your wellbeing is worth it. Visit betterhelp.comconan to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.comconan Maddie. Yes. Yes. Here's the problem. Yes, you have identified a real problem, which is that this little podcast studio that we run, this Team Coco World, is just. It's a ship filled with rats that need to be bisected, by the way. And it's sad. It's sad that when you put out some snacks, all these well paid employees hover around and jump on them and then just start gobbling them. They're rodents. Everyone, everyone who works here is a rodent.

[Sona Movsesian]

They're good snacks. That's why people want to.

[Conan O'Brien]

They're in a basket that says, this is for Woody Harrelson. And then when you see a basket that says food for Woody Harrelson or welcome Harrison Ford, a well educated, nice, well bred person doesn't jump on it and start snarfing it down, especially when an icon's coming up the stairs.

[Jennifer Samples]

Also, we have a whole ca full of other snacks.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes.

[Matt Gourley]

There's no mushroom jerky in there.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I've been looking, thank God. Do you realize mushroom jerky isn't even manufactured? It's a byproduct of other food that went bad. It's other food that went bad and turned into mushroom jerky. And then they just put a package around that. That's what mushroom jerky is. I'm gonna tell you this right now. This has got to stop. We've got to stop. And I have your back if these rodents, these rats are getting into the snacks. See, what you're doing is, oh, I don't. There's this food, and I don't want these dogs to eat the food that I'm gonna put out. So I'm gonna pour kerosene all over it. And then you're shocked that people come to your nice brunch and no one's eating the food and you're saying, well, what's the problem? Well, it tastes like kerosene. I know. I put kerosene on it to keep the dogs away. What's Your problem? Well, that's essentially what you're doing. Mushroom jerky. You know, these gum, gum chips, tempura flavored chip chops, Inca corn that looks like a vag. You know, you've got the gluten free brothers, you've got mushroom, you know, jerky. It's just a mess. It's a mess, and it's gotta stop. People want Doritos. They want Oreos. They want food that's good for you.

[Sona Movsesian]

Food that food that's good for you. Doritos and Oreos. These are people who care about their bodies. She's getting them snacks they probably already eat anyway, right?

[Matt Gourley]

Is it possible that you would enjoy.

[Eduardo Perez]

The seaweed if you tried it?

[Sona Movsesian]

Try it?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, try it.

[Jennifer Samples]

Try the seaweed.

[Matt Gourley]

And is it possible that we start kind of tailoring it to what we think the guests would like? Because this all seems very Woody Harrelson to me, but not necessarily.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, this is awful.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, come on.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm not kidding. This tastes like the ocean. The last time I had this taste in my mouth was when I almost drowned in summer camp. Craggate Mountain Farm, 1975.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, man, that's just.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is awful.

[Maddie Ogden]

Can I just say, I've had this exact nightmare before.

[Conan O'Brien]

God damn it. Get this out of my mouth.

[Matt Gourley]

God, I've never seen him so charged. Of all the things. Maddie, do you taste test these?

[Maddie Ogden]

I do. I like all of these snacks.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, you don't. You do not like that snack. Snack, yes.

[Maddie Ogden]

Seaweed's good for you, and it's a great substitute.

[Conan O'Brien]

Seaweed's good for you. I. An octopi wouldn't have that. That's more than one octopus.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes. Yeah, but you said an octopi.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, here's good. You got. You decided to get some jerky. But don't worry, it's grass fed and finished. Zero sugar.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, what's wrong with any of that stuff, though?

[Conan O'Brien]

I like lots of sugar in my beef. I also. I want beef that's not. I don't want some beef that's eating grass. I want beef that's out eating other beef. Bullshit. This is bullshit alley.

[Matt Gourley]

My daughter eats these seaweed things, and they're not anywhere near as good as these ones.

[Conan O'Brien]

Those are terr. That's terrible.

[Matt Gourley]

It's teriyaki.

[Conan O'Brien]

It tastes like seaweed. You know what? When I was a kid strolling the beach, I never once was like, hmm, look at that. Seaweed on the sand. And then started chomping away. Macadamia. That's the worst of the nuts. I'm sorry, it is apologies to Hawaii, but you guys really blew it with the Macad. You got some mints here. That's good. Oh, I see you put a lot of mints in here to get the seaweed taste out of your mouth. That's why they're there.

[Maddie Ogden]

Mr. O'Brien, sir, may I ask.

[Conan O'Brien]

Dr. O'Brien.

[Maddie Ogden]

Dr. O'Brien.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm a PhD. Dr. O'Brien in Nonsenseology.

[Maddie Ogden]

Nonsenseology. May I just ask, what snacks would you like to see in the basket? And I ask this because before the Oscars, I put together a basket for you, and I reached out to David Hopping, your assistant, and he said, and I quote, I don't know, I guess, protein bars.

[Conan O'Brien]

So.

[Maddie Ogden]

What could I do to please my benevolent boss?

[Conan O'Brien]

Maddie, you don't want to be thinking about me because I am someone who's filled with a lot of self loathing. And when I approach a gig like the Oscars, I start. I get nervous, I get intense. I just eat protein bars. I drink a lot of water. I drink. It's bad. No, I'm saying. I'm telling you, this isn't enough. Supposed to be. I'm saying you shouldn't be catering to me because I don't have joy in my life. I've removed joy in my life so that I can bring joy to others in a selfless way. Good mint. Don't go by me. Okay, but go by, like. You should call one of my brothers.

[Maddie Ogden]

Okay?

[Conan O'Brien]

Actually, call my brother Neil and find out what to put in there, okay?

[Sona Movsesian]

It could be moon pies and stuff.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it's gonna be a great. It's gonna be full of great. No, but I mean, you know, you know, cookies and yummy snacks. Eduardo, jump in here. You agree with me, right?

[Eduardo Perez]

I agree with you. I'm sorry, Matty, but I also do have the taste buds of a 15 year old boy. I'm sure.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, but a lot of people do.

[Sona Movsesian]

Not a lot of, like celebrities, though.

[Conan O'Brien]

They do. That's a myth. You all think because we have these amazing bodies and I see the way you guys look at me, that with total disdain. Yes, that's what I meant. But there's a misconception. No, I mean, some of these guests, like Cher, might really wish that someone would offer her some Oreos just once instead of putting out some dried papaya goo that she could spread on her gums.

[Matt Gourley]

Two baskets. Naughty and nice. And they can make the choice, but they have to choose one.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, that's true. We could do a study on this and just kind of see what celebrity.

[Matt Gourley]

Chart and celebrity chart of, like, who went naughty and who went nice. Cher went naughty. Jane Fonda went naughty.

[Maddie Ogden]

Oh, Goldie.

[Matt Gourley]

Han went nice.

[Sona Movsesian]

You guys keep saying Cher.

[Conan O'Brien]

Cher was booked.

[Sona Movsesian]

His was.

[Conan O'Brien]

She was booked. And then the fires broke out.

[Sona Movsesian]

I know it wasn't hard enough for you now you guys keep bringing her up as if we had her on the show.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, we had a basket ready for. Come on. Yeah, it was filled with some of the worst shit anyone's ever eaten.

[Matt Gourley]

It was a basket full of Hush.

[Eduardo Perez]

Does it have to be snacks?

[Sona Movsesian]

Hush. You said it. Right?

[Conan O'Brien]

What's that?

[Eduardo Perez]

Does it have to be snacks? Could it be like a mixture of, like, some swag and.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, well, now that's caught. And that's a lot of money.

[Matt Gourley]

Sorry.

[Sona Movsesian]

If they don't take the swag. That's just kind of.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, do we ever give them, like, is there a. Is there a Conan O'Brien needs a friend hat or something? That's for sure. Well, guess what? Guess what? I'm going to tell you something. It's very smart. I'm sure other podcasts give you swag. I know other late night shows, we would do it on late night show. You give a celebrity a T shirt, they wear it, and then they're out at St. Barts. Beyonce is walking around wearing a T shirt that says I love Conan. And people are paparazzi. Take a picture and they go like, wow, Conan's cool. Hello. Can I lose you guys?

[Matt Gourley]

Sorry.

[Conan O'Brien]

What are you guys doing? What are you. Why are you signaling each other? What's happening? Why are you signaling?

[Jennifer Samples]

No, there's nothing happening. We were just going to give the rap light, but I was just saying not yet. We should go. Just a few more minutes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, I didn't realize that you're the Toscanini of this way.

[Matt Gourley]

That you know that a rap light is just an indication. You go as long as you go.

[Conan O'Brien]

As long as I want. When I sense that we've hit oil.

[Sona Movsesian]

I keep drilling baby heat on bl. I can't believe you cut off his Beyonce wearing a.

[Conan O'Brien]

Good, good.

[Jennifer Samples]

Yes. That's way worse than B. I.

[Conan O'Brien]

So.

[Jennifer Samples]

So I will say back at the TV show, you know, one of the things we used to give people, among other things, was a giant can of delicious popcorn. And people used to love munching on that popcorn.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what? We gave them this amazing popcorn that comes from Chicago. And it's. It's a cheddar, but it's like it's made of molten cheddar. It was so good.

[Matt Gourley]

What about a seaweed popcorn?

[Conan O'Brien]

No.

[Maddie Ogden]

Oh, I like that.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, listen, Stop. I know that you want to live to be 250 and be in terrible pain at the end of your life, but what are you doing?

[Sona Movsesian]

I would like another one of these.

[Matt Gourley]

Another brother.

[Sona Movsesian]

These gluten free brother bites.

[Conan O'Brien]

Stop giving them free advertising. We do not want that company to flourish. Oh, my God. All right, I'm gonna shut it down.

[Sona Movsesian]

Because I. Garrett's popcorn.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, it was Garrett's popcorn.

[Jennifer Samples]

Yeah, Garrett. Yeah, Garrett's. And we never had any complaints about Garrett's popcorn. Also, I'll say, in the green room at the show, we used to have a whole cheese plate. Yes, there was all kinds of sausages.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen, listen. This was a different time, okay, Aaron? We were a television show with a certain budget now where a bunch of people hovered around one microphone hiding from the rain. So no, we are not gonna start having caviar and roasted ham out there. But I think we can do better than what we're doing. And Maddie. What? Here's your Hailey Bieber smoothie. Yeah.

[Jimmy Vivino]

Your Hailey Bieber smoothie.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

Perfect.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, and good. My metal spoon. Oh, my God.

[Maddie Ogden]

Speaking of budget, I have to beg for these snacks as is. I can't fill a basket with $19 erewhons. I just want to set.

[Matt Gourley]

I'm not unbelievable.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen, I am at the top of the top of the Hollywood pyramid, okay? Because I have a Hailey Bieber smoothie. It was just brought to me. Probably is a bit, but I'm going to enjoy it.

[Matt Gourley]

What does that taste like?

[Conan O'Brien]

It tastes like beauty. It tastes like youth. It tastes like fame. It tastes like all good things.

[Maddie Ogden]

Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

Available at Erewhon. And they're only $700 a pop. And you have to bring a. You have to have a co signer for the loan. I'm gonna sign off. And listen, Matti, I wanna end on a positive note, which is I really think I'm a great podcaster and I think I'm pretty good looking guy. I can't come up with something positive about you. I just. No, you are fantastic. You do a great job. We all love you. We cherish you. I think something went very wrong. I think you're angry about something. It's reflected in this gift basket, which is a tragedy. It' but I think it's easily fixed. But other than that, let me tell you, we are very lucky to have you. Okay?

[Maddie Ogden]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

We love you. You're very funny, very creative. She's A very funny person.

[Sona Movsesian]

Oh, I love Maddie and I love the snacks. I'm sorry. No, no, no.

[Conan O'Brien]

There we go. That's your fucking. Oh, you dick.

[Sona Movsesian]

That's the worst thing you could do to chips.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

To roasting.

[Conan O'Brien]

That really makes sense. No, no, not to those chips. That actually improve those chips. Oh, my God.

[Maddie Ogden]

Also, can I just say, we have a guest coming in probably three minutes and now all of these snacks are either eaten or just garnished.

[Matt Gourley]

These for today's.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, guess here's what we should do. I'm smashing up all the snacks and then see, see if Carol Leifer notices. Let's see here. I'm gonna spit in this one. No, I'm not gonna do that. I like. I'm not gonna do that to Carol. We'll get her some. But seriously, let's up the game a little bit and give people, I'd say, a little bit of a mixture. Absolutely no seaweed, no mushroom jerky. Throw a couple of Oreos in there, but you can still have your gluten free glim glams and glam glams.

[Maddie Ogden]

Okay, well, this has been very informative. Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think it's been very informative and I think I had a little bit my Erewhon Haley Bieber smoothie. They put actual pieces of gold in.

[Matt Gourley]

Here and actual pieces of Hailey Bieber.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Okay. You went too far. It's red.

[Maddie Ogden]

I like the joke.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thank you. Okay.

[Sona Movsesian]

It's red.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Okay, here's the bottom.

[Eduardo Perez]

Hold it up and look at the bottom.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's right. That's her splone. That's her spleen. That's her spleen. Yeah. She really gave of herself to make this movie. Thanks, Hayley. Peace out.

[Matt Gourley]

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsessian and Matt Gourley, produced by me, Matt Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[Conan O'Brien]

Take it away, Jimmy.

[Matt Gourley]

Supervising producer, Aaron Blair Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm. Engineering by eduardo Perez. Get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign [e-mail] Conan please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[Jimmy Vivino]

This is Comedy Bang Bang. The podcast, the promo, and in 30 seconds, I'm going to tell you why. You should check out the show. I the host, Scott Aukerman. A light hearted conversation with famous celebrities like Jon Hamm, Alison Williams, Phoebe Bridgers, Jason Alexander, Natasha Lyonne, Bob Oden, Kirk Just to name a few things go a little off the rails when different eccentric characters and oddballs drop by to be interviewed as well. Each week is a blend of conversations and character work from your favorite comedians, as well as some new hilarious voices. Comedy Bang Bang the Podcast Listen everybody, Monday, wherever you get your podcasts all.

[Sona Movsesian]

Set for your flight?

[Aaron Blair]

Yep, I've got everything I need. Eye mask, neck pillow, T Mobile headphones.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait. T Mobile?

[Aaron Blair]

You bet. Free in flight wi fi 15 off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T Mobile. Same goes from a water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm gonna leave you to it. Find out how you can experience travel better@t mobile.com Qualifying plan required.

[Matt Gourley]

Wi Fi were available on select US airlines. Deposit and Hilton honors membership required for 15 discount terms and conditions apply.