Staff Review With Laurie Kilmartin

Summary

Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Episode: Staff Review With Laurie Kilmartin

Date: March 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Conan continues his recent tradition of interviewing long-time staff instead of fans or celebrity guests. He chats with writer and stand-up comedian Laurie Kilmartin, who has helped Conan craft Oscar jokes and has played an integral role in his writing team both for TV and live events. The episode offers a behind-the-scenes look into their creative process, life as a comedy writer and performer, and the ups and downs of prepping for a major awards show. The tone is playful, candid, and filled with the typical sharp wit that defines Conan and Laurie’s dynamic.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Laurie Kilmartin’s Journey to Conan’s Team

• Starting Out in Comedy:

  • Laurie describes dropping out of UCLA (where she swam for the team) and starting stand-up in San Francisco after a personal low point. She was inspired less by great comics than by seeing bad ones and thinking, “Wait a minute. If that ass can do it, maybe I can too.” (05:33)
  • The community at Holy City Zoo and guidance from Jon Cantu deeply influenced her early days.

• Getting Hired:

  • Laurie submitted three writing packets—“The third one worked, I guess” (03:40)—before being hired for the TBS show.

2. Writing Jokes: For Conan vs. Stand-Up (07:41)

• Laurie explains the distinction between writing for herself vs. others:

  “There's never been a joke I've written for you or anybody else that I would have done myself.”

  • Writing for performers means finding jokes tailored to their voice, not her own.

• Playful Banter:

  • On the absurdity of Conan trying Laurie’s single-mom jokes:
    "You idiot, you never breastfed ... Kylie did, though. So he deserves to tell it." (08:36)

3. The Oscar Writing Process (09:34)

• Preparation and Flexibility:

  • Laurie and Conan reflect on how jokes must be in constant flux due to fast-changing news and cultural references.

    “You can't lock down what you're going to do a month out. ... Something we thought was funny in December is now—what were we thinking? That's not even something people think about anymore.” (09:54, Conan)

• Comic Fatigue:

  • Conan admits he gets bored quickly with material, even if the team thinks it's gold.

    “If something’s no longer magical and fun to me, I can’t fake it.” (11:09)

4. Performing in LA’s Stand-Up Scene (18:46)

• Club Diversity and Culture:

  • Conan and Laurie discuss the ecosystem of LA clubs—each with its own feel and community.

    “There’s this ecosystem in LA, all these cool little spots ... It’s very communal, it’s really fun.” (18:46, Conan)

  • Laurie regularly performs 4 nights a week, though in LA, logistically, it means just one spot per night.

• Surprise Sets:

  • Conan loves popping up unannounced at shows, enjoying the audience’s startled reaction:

    “They’re there and then suddenly I show up. ... You can always see them registering how I’ve aged when I get up there.” (20:12)

5. Moving Into “Show Time” Mode and Behind-the-Scenes Chaos

• Dolby Theater Move:

  • The shift from writing to on-site prep is a game changer. Conan recounts:

    “I remember that last year being, oh, wow, this is real.” (21:29)

  • Comedy writers end up in absurd logistical debates like, “How is the mule supposed to fire a rocket out of its ear?” (22:02)

• Celebrity Stand-Ins:

  • Funny recollection: Ariana Grande attended her own rehearsal, surprising the team who thought it was a “stand-in.”
  • Conan recalls being a seat-filler, once standing up to accept a fake David Bowie award (23:10)

6. The Writer’s Room Rituals (25:57)

• Organization vs. Chaos:

  • Lessons learned from last year: bring visual organization tools to keep track of jokes during the Oscars, instead of “flipping through cards and trying to ... it looked like we were doing illicit three card monte.” (24:04)
  • Prepping for every possible outcome—“it’s almost like coding: if this movie wins, we have this joke…” (24:29, Conan)

• Time-Wasting as Creative Fuel:

  • The group laughs about their tendency to get sidetracked watching TV ("Just Like That") in the writers’ room, Conan justifies:

    “I maintain that wasting time is somehow useful if we’re all laughing, but I might just be trying to justify it.” (27:06)

7. The Perils of Over-Specific Premises

• Oscars Joke Setups:
  • Laurie gets teased for her elaborate setups:

    “Did you know Isabella Rossellini has a bed and breakfast in Rye, New York?”

  • Conan jokes about losing the audience with jokes rooted in obscure facts:

    “I look down, and one of the Skarsgards is just like, what the f***?” (28:47 - 29:22)

8. Gratitude and Wrap-Up

• Conan expresses genuine gratitude for Laurie’s contributions—reiterating that she’s “the best,” even joking about stealing her from Jimmy Kimmel.
• Laurie thanks both Conan and Jimmy Kimmel for letting her take the time to work Oscars season with Conan’s team.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Bad Comics Inspiring Careers

  Conan: “The true inspirations are people like, how did that ass get up there?” (05:59)

• On Writing Jokes for Others

  Laurie: "There's never been a joke I've written for you or anybody else that I would have done myself." (07:41)
  Conan: “You idiot, you never breastfed. ... Kylie did, though. So he deserves to tell it.” (08:36)

• On the Ever-Changing Show Landscape

  Conan: “You can't lock down what you're going to do a month out. ... Something we thought was funny in December is now—what were we thinking?” (09:54)

• On Stand-Up in Clubs

  Conan: “They’re there and then suddenly I show up. ... You can always see them registering how I’ve aged when I get up there.” (20:12)

• On Writer’s Room Chaos

  Conan: “We’re trying to try out these jokes and you’re going off on a 10 minutes about your brother Neil ... get to the jokes!” (11:59)
  Laurie: “We watched that [‘Just Like That’] for a half an hour, I think.” (27:23)

• On Oscars Prepping

  Conan: “If this movie wins, we have this great joke. If that movie loses, we have this great joke.” (24:29)

• On Niche Joke Premises

  Conan: “I look down, and one of the Skarsgards is just like, what the f***?” (28:59)

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Segment Timestamps

• Laurie’s Comedy Origins: 03:40 – 06:48
• Writing for Conan vs. Self: 07:41 – 08:45
• Oscar Joke Process & Writer Dynamics: 09:34 – 12:52
• Performing in LA Clubs: 18:46 – 20:57
• Production Moves to Dolby Theater: 21:28 – 23:42
• Writer’s Room Rituals & Chaos: 25:57 – 27:15
• Overly Specific Oscars Jokes: 28:47 – 30:15
• Gratitude & Closing: 30:17 – 30:56

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Conclusion

This episode offers a funny, affectionate, and revealing look at what it takes to create comedy for TV and high-pressure live events, especially the Oscars. Laurie Kilmartin’s candor about stand-up and writing, paired with Conan’s restless comedic energy, makes for an entertaining, insider’s conversation—complete with industry war stories, self-deprecating banter, and a clear love of comedy. Listeners gain an appreciation for the chaos, precision, and camaraderie behind the punchlines that eventually land before millions.

Transcript

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[B]

Conan O' Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com callkonan okay, let's get started.

[A]

Okay. In the past, this slot has usually been a time when I would talk to fans around the world, but today's a little different. I'm gonna talk to someone who's definitely not a fan of mine. No, we've been doing this lately, and I'm really enjoying it. Oscars are coming up soon as we tape this. It's, I think it's about three weeks away, and we've been working very hard. I'm working with an incredible team of writers, many of them I've worked with for a long time, and I've been having them come upstairs and chat with me a little bit, and it's been really fun. And that continues today with Laurie Kilmartin. Laurie, thank you for coming on out.

[B]

Oh, I hope it continues today.

[A]

Yes. Yes. That's it. You're out. No, Laurie, he was right.

[B]

It was fun.

[A]

Get back down there. Laurie, you are an incredible standup comedian, and you've worked with me for a long time.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And always done an incredible job and worked with me on the Oscars last year. And Laurie has a very special role, which is Laurie because she's a great standup. She's the one that has become My life coach, when I go out into the world and try Oscar jokes out. So Laurie's the one that says, we're gonna get you out there now, Conan. And I say, all right. Okay. And you're very verbally abusive. And then you've been picking all these amazing spots. Some of them I've been to before, Some of them I haven't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's really fun, but you are so dialed into these places, and then you watch me do my set, and you have great instincts about which ones work, which ones may need a tweak, which ones should probably go by their wayside. But let's go back to the beginning, which is. You come to my attention. How did that happen? I'm trying to remember. Ooh.

[B]

Well, I started on the TBS show. Yeah. So I think. I think that's. That was my third packet. I think I'd done a packet for the Tonight show and Late Night, too. So the third one worked, I guess.

[A]

Yeah. Well, the Tonight show, there wasn't a lot of time there.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know if you got around to reading it.

[A]

Yeah. I was starting to open the envelope when that thing blew up, but. And subsequently, when you first came to work for me, I had not seen your standup. And then we toured together, and they got to see your standup every night, which is phenomenal, just phenomenal.

[B]

Oh, thanks. I don't know. I look back, I'm like, oh, that bit was still. I was still working on it. It got sharper. But I'm glad you got what you

[A]

saw, because you have that kind of mind. You're never gonna say, oh, yeah, thanks. You're gonna say, this was a little. But I'm telling you, it was phenomenal. And you have such a good eye and ear that you've been just a great help to me in terms of what stuff works, how to tweak a joke when something isn't hitting the ear quite right. And that's really helpful. And I'm just curious. When did you decide, okay, I'm gonna be a standup? Like, this is. Because that's a leap that everyone comes to differently. How did it happen for you?

[B]

Well, I had sort of. I dropped out of college, and I had kind of a breakdown due to various things all colliding at once in my head, you know.

[A]

You were a very good athlete.

[B]

I was okay. I was a swimmer. I swam for ucla. But I was like. It was. They were in a rebuilding phase. Like, I would never make the team now. They were, like, low Level Division one when I was there. And. And so. So, yeah. And then I had quit swimming and whatever.

[A]

So you go through this period of your life where things are rough.

[B]

Exactly. And then I started to. I don't know, I went and saw some standup. And I'm not the only one who's come to stand up this way, where you see some great standup and you're like, oh, I could never do that. That's amazing. And then you see someone who's not good and they're on the bill, and you're like, wait a minute. Yeah, that person's a cop.

[A]

They're the true inspirations. They are. No one ever says that. The true inspirations are people like, how did that ass get up there?

[B]

Exactly. Exactly. So I saw a bunch of that. And so I started in San Francisco because I'm from the Bay Area, so that's where I come.

[A]

And San Francisco is such a great place. It's great for standup.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. There's this guy named. Oh, my God. His name was. I forget his last name. He was a former porn star who. And Native American, and was, like, one of, like, 11 or 16 children. Some crazy backstory, but he was the bartender at the Holy City Zoo, and he knew Robin Williams, and he was around when Robin had started to. And so he was sort of the mother bird of all of us newer comics and giving us stage timing tips and stuff like that. And, like, even though I know I never had a bad situation with him, even though his backstory sounds troublesome.

[A]

Yeah. But he.

[B]

Jon Cantu.

[A]

Yeah. And he saw something in you. He was like, okay. He was encouraging.

[B]

Yeah, he was encouraging, but he's also running a class, so anytime someone's paying, they're always encouraging, but they're encouraging.

[A]

But also they don't think you're ready just yet.

[B]

One more session.

[A]

I ran into the same thing in improv. Same thing in improv. You're very good. I think a little more work. Really?

[B]

How many levels?

[A]

People are really laughing hard. Yeah, there's 11 more levels. You said this was the last one. I forgot about the other 11, so. So just make that check out too. So you're doing that. And had you worked on television shows before? Had you written for other comics? Cause that's a very different thing. You write for yourself and then writing for someone else's voice.

[B]

Yeah. It is a big thing. And it's weird because you can definitely separate those two voices. There's never been a joke. I've Written for you or anybody else that I would have done myself. So people always think that, you know, how must be so hard to give up that joke. It's like, no, no, it didn't. Would not work in my act about me complaining about being a mother. You know, it's really funny.

[A]

Yeah. Many times I've seen you do Kona's

[B]

like, I'm not a single mom. Why does she keep giving me this stuff?

[A]

I tried it last night. It kills. Yeah. It's fascinating to me. Cause that's another fun thing I get to do. If I see you or Brian Kiley tell a really funny joke, I get to say, oh, oh, too funny for me. Huh? Like, why didn't you give me that? You'd be like, you idiot, you never breastfed. Oh, oh, oh. You're right.

[B]

Kylie did, though. So he deserves a tell it.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. I breastfed Kylie.

[B]

But what the fuck? Hey, one tag too far.

[A]

Yeah, I always go too far. I don't do the late night. My late night show anymore. And I think this is a while ago. Jimmy Kimmel contacted me, and he was asking me about this Lori Kilmartin. And I said, you are an absolute fool if you do not hire Laurie Kilmartin.

[B]

I can't believe that conversation happen.

[A]

She is the best. She is the best. But Jimmy was high at the time and forgot. And then I had to call him and tell him again. He was like, oh, yeah, yeah, okay. But. So you've been killing it, not just for me, but for Jimmy as well. And now we're once again working on the Oscars. And I'm curious, how do you think it's going so far? We're getting close.

[B]

I think we're way ahead of where we were this time last year. I think we have a lot more jokes that are ready.

[A]

We have a lot of jokes.

[B]

We do. And it's like, they could all change in the next three weeks, too, because we keep coming up with. Yeah, it's.

[A]

We keep coming up with new ones, and then we always allow for. Last year, I remembered the actual show is a moving target.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can't lock down what you're going to do a month out. Because in the world we live in now, things change day to day. And something that's a joke we might have thought was really funny in December is now, like, what were we thinking? That's not even something people think about anymore. That's out of the news. No one cares about that. The big thing I have to fight is sometimes I Just start to get tired of a joke because I've. It's been with me for a while.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

And that's always been a little bit my issue. When we toured together and I had a. I don't know, like a 40 minute standup hunk. I remembered sometimes being. I don't want to say that again. I said that last night. So I think that's one of the luxuries I've always had is just riffing foolishly about different things. And I get bored if I have to say the same thing over and over and over again. I know.

[B]

In fact, there's one joke you told last night. I'm like, oh, you gotta give that one a rest for a little bit because I think you are tired of it, you know, so. But I won't say it now, but.

[A]

Yeah, right, that's good. We should try them all out right now.

[B]

Yeah, let's do it then.

[A]

Everyone's really. All the writers are really mad at me. You just. That thing went out. What?

[B]

Just burned 80 jokes.

[A]

You just burned 80 jokes? Yeah, that can happen where I just start to feel. It's almost like my brain becomes overly familiar with it. And when something's no longer magical and fun to me, I can't fake it.

[B]

Well, yeah. Plus with you, every night you've told different jokes, so you aren't used to going up and doing the same jokes and then finding, like, trying to take two months to find a tag or something like that, you know? So for you, it's gotta feel really, really repetitive.

[A]

But also, I love the joking around between the jokes so much.

[B]

I know, I know, I know that

[A]

sometimes I'm getting off on some jag and people in a club are liking it, and I'm sure you guys are watching, saying, we're trying to try out these jokes and you're going off on a 10 minutes about your brother Neil, and you're getting laughs and so you're getting drunk off of it. Get to the jokes.

[B]

But I do think that's what's so great about doing these little sets is, is you're clicking into your stage Persona, which is different from podcast and bursting into the writer's room. And I don't know that it's that

[A]

different from bursting in the writers. Bursting in the writers room is sort of more of my, like, MMA Persona.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. But it, but it gets. It gets that very unique muscle, you know, going again. And because you can't, like, do 10 minutes about Neil at the Oscars.

[A]

Oh, I'm going to.

[B]

That would be amazing.

[A]

Yeah. I just see Timothee Chalamet and Brad Pitt streaming out. People who are up for an Oscar leaving early. Okay, so we bought a lot of televisions.

[B]

That's me.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

But you get it out of that part out of your system now. But you also get that muscle ready for when you're in the big show. And then you had some really funny riffs after the jokes last night that we all thought would work with the jokes. You did, too.

[A]

Oh, good.

[B]

Man.

[A]

Tax time, tax season. It's stressful.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

And the old way of doing taxes was such a pain. That gave you a shoebox with your receipts.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

You're scared, you're nervous, you're like, when did I buy this? You know the April 15th tax deadline will be here before you know it. It's coming fast. Doing taxes used to mean sitting in a waiting room, handing over a pile of papers and then staring across a desk for hours while someone berates you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You've run your life terribly. I'm sorry, dad. Or finally.

[B]

What?

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[B]

Yep.

[A]

And that brings me to nutrigrain. Nutrigrain is a hard working snack. Okay, I was wondering where you were going. This is real. Well, of course, the minute David knew. The minute I said hard work, he knew nutrigrain was coming. Hardworking snacks. It fits into real life and it helps hardworking people get it done. Let me explain. It's made with 10 grams of whole grains, 10 vitamins and minerals and no high fructose corn syrup. Yeah, Nutrigrain's portable. And I demand that Of a snack.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I demand that it be portable. Sometimes a great snack will come out and it's over £600. I can't lug that around.

[B]

£600.

[A]

Great for a grab and go option. Busy. I'm going to grab my nutrigrain bar. Chomp chomp. And I'm doing my best work ever. Yeah, you can choose between strawberry flavored nutrients for a delicious classic or new Nutrigrain crunchy for something new. You didn't see that coming, did you? Do you guys think you're hardworking enough to merit these new nutrigrain bars?

[B]

Obviously, I don't know. I don't know if there's more hard working assistants.

[A]

Okay, tell me what you do and I will assess if you're hardworking enough.

[B]

You know what? You look really nice today. I massaged your ego, which is important because you go up in front of an audience.

[A]

So you don't mean it?

[B]

No.

[A]

It's horrible today. It's terrible. Yeah. Okay. Well, you know what? That does take a lot of energy to lie to a man with an incredibly fragile ego. And you've been doing that for years.

[B]

For years.

[A]

That's a ton of work. I think you might merit a new to grain bar. But let's see about David Hopping David. What do you mean? I want to state the obvious.

[B]

You're here right now, which means that

[A]

this recording was in your calendar.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

You do my calendar. So you think you are hardworking because you clicked into a computer and typed you know what and then hit save. I'm proud of both of you.

[B]

You're welcome.

[A]

You're both hard workers. Yeah. Find nutritious and always delicious nutrigrain bars at your favorite store or online retailer today. And look for new Nutrigrain Crunchy bars in stores near you. You know, there are days that the travel perks that you get with T Mobile really come in handy. But then there are days that you just want to embrace couch life. And you love you. Some couch life.

[B]

Loves me some couch life.

[A]

And without ever leaving the house, T Mobile still has you covered. Find plans, including Netflix plus deals on DoorDash. The more benefits you use, the more value you get. I mean, why go anywhere when you can get your favorite takeout, binge a show and brag to all your friends? You won't believe what I'm not doing doing tonight. That's a brag. When you get to hang out on your couch and live life at its most supreme.

[B]

It's so comfortable.

[A]

Ift Mobile. It's great. And I always like to watch those. I like survival shows and I like to get meat. So, like a steak and then like a survival show. Yeah, that's my chance. And then the monster's eating the person you like with the meat. Pretend I'm the monster. Exactly. You're a sick guy. Check it out@t mobile.com magentastatus wow. Receive Netflix standard with ads while you maintain a qualifying line in good standing. See dashpass details in the TeaLife app. Many men don't recognize mental health challenges until they've already taken a toll. Because struggle doesn't always look like struggle. Pressures show up in everyday places. At work, home, relationships. Those pressures build slowly, often without being noticed. In season three of the Visibility Gap, Dr. Guy Winch and his guests explore how to spot these pressures earlier and what it takes for men not to just open up, but to get the support they need. This is important stuff. Listen to the new season of the Visibility Gap, presented by CIGNA Healthcare. I'm really loving it. I enjoy going to, as I said, some of the places I've been before, but there's this ecosystem in la, of all these cool little spots, some are way out in Covina. Some are. I mean, really. I mean, who lives in Covina? Oh, hi, Eduardo. How are you? Oh, shut up. Shut up. No, no, it's fine. You know, I had my passport, I changed my currency. Oh, God. No, no, it's. No, but it was. And that was one of my favorite clubs. It's fantastic.

[B]

Chatterbox.

[A]

Yeah, but. And Chatterbox in Covina, it's really fun because you get to hang out with the comics outside. And it's this. It's very communal. It's really fun. I like all that young energy. People are really nice. And each club is very different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there are places that. I'm guessing you've played all these places. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so. And do you do stand up? You do stand up a lot.

[B]

I do, I do. I try to do it for, say, four nights a week.

[A]

That's a lot.

[B]

Yeah, but here in la, it's. It's like one spot a night. It's not. It's not great. Like in New York, you can do. When I go back to New York, I can do, like, at least six a night, you know, on a Friday or Saturday and then, you know, one or two. At least on a. On a. Yeah.

[A]

Here. Covering the distances. It's literally. I mean, last night I was in. Was it at water. TGS?

[B]

Yeah. TGS. Yeah.

[A]

TG's. I was at TG's in Atwater Village. And so that's a long haul to get to, but once you're there, it's again, really fun. It was great.

[B]

It was great. I mean, it was packed. And it's great to have people so close to you, you know, just your surround sound of laughter.

[A]

It's also fun to be a surprise. Yeah. Cause somehow the pressure's off.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

They don't, you know, they're there and then suddenly I show up. And you can always see them registering. You know how I've aged when I first get up there?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

No, it's funny. No, it's just funny how people are like, if there are people that have only seen you on tv, and some of them have been seeing me on TV since I was, you know. Right.

[B]

Or clips are coming up and stuff.

[A]

Clips are coming up. And they just saw me last night talking to, you know, Mary Lou retton when I'm 30.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah. But you're also a big presence. Like, you're a big person and you're like stumbling. Not stumbling.

[A]

Stumble.

[B]

I'm sorry. I know. As soon as I said it, I was like, you're not stumbling.

[A]

Well, maybe I was stumbling giant.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, you know, it's.

[A]

Yeah. But it's been. It's been. This is going really well. It's been a good time now. It's what's really strange. This is all behind the scenes stuff, is we're sort of. We're here at the office. This is where we do the podcast. This is where we do the production and editing for the HBO travel show. We have all different kind of meetings here of different projects. It's like our little Keebler elf tree. And what's gonna happen in two weeks is we're gonna move into the Dolby Theater.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's gonna be. I remember that last year being, oh, wow, this is real.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. When we've been living here and imagining things and then you actually see the space.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we get into, you know, we ordered some kooky prop and it shows up and I'm like, we wanted a stuffed mule and we didn't. I'm just making this up, but stuffed

[B]

mule would be great.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You know what? Get a stuffed mule.

[B]

I know. Yeah.

[A]

And then you're arguing with really serious, talented people about how the mule should be.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Pictured it differently. And how is it gonna fire a rocket out of its ear, you know, all that kind of craziness, that's the part that. Where things really level up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is exciting.

[B]

And I remember sitting at a rehearsal last year and a lot of the celebrities had stand ins or, you know, they just use stand ins. And a stand in for Ariana Grande started singing and I'm like, oh, my God, she sounds just like Ariana Grande. And it was her.

[A]

Which I didn't think. What?

[B]

Yes, she was at rehearsal singing. It was like 25 of us in the audience.

[A]

I thought it was a stand in. Yes. Hey, she's not bad. Did you tell her? You know, maybe you should try. That's really funny. If all of the A list celebrities, because they do have actors often who look nothing like them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they all get up, they don't know who the winner is, but they'll say, and the winner is Timmy Chalamet. And then a, you know, a black woman will get up on stage, but she'll give a real speech.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

As Timothee Chalamet. And it's kind of cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I channel that sometimes because I did that once. Oh, I did that once. I think we talked about this, but I did it years ago at like a VH1 award when I was working on Saturday Night Live and I heard, hey, they need seat filler stand ins for this VH1 award. So I, you know, sat in the audience. We weren't working at the time. I think I got like. I don't know what I got, like $100 or something. But I went and I sat in the crowd and then they said, and the winner is David Bowie. And I got to stand up.

[B]

Oh, neat.

[A]

And thank everybody. And I want to do that. It was fun.

[B]

That sounds fun.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You're fired. Now you can go do it. So, yeah, that's going to. Things are gonna get real. What else do you remember from last year?

[B]

Well, what I remember now, what we were all talking about in the mono team is that we wanna make sure we have big cork boards up back where we are so we can keep track of jokes a little bit better. I think we were just like flipping through cards and trying to.

[A]

It looked like we were doing an illicit three card money game last year. And you think this is the Oscars.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And I'm performing for all these people around the world. And we're like, where's that joke? I don't know. And then it's attached to someone's ass and it has gum on It.

[B]

Right. I mean, we' mono set. But the stuff like, you know, that you'll say later in the show if. If something wins or something gets on a streak, I guess we just want to spend that.

[A]

It's almost like coding, you know, if this movie wins, we have this great joke. If that movie loses, we have this great joke.

[B]

Yeah. I remember us just like going, wait, we had something and kind of panicking and then thought of it at the last second.

[A]

But.

[B]

But it'll be nice to have that a little bit more organized. And I think we hadn't gotten backstage until. In our area, until the show was starting in an hour, you know, so we didn't realize. Oh, that would have been nice to have had. We thought that. So, you know, that's the. We'll be doing that better this year, I think.

[A]

Yeah, it is fun. I have to say. It's a lot of work and it's nerve wracking, but it is fun. Oh, my gosh. And then, you know, you just. And then you're always thinking, I hope it's a good room. Last year I was. I mean, I think last year I was thinking, how's it gonna be a good room? And they were good.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, we had the fires, of course, you know, and then I feel like at this time last year, we were also awash in Sofia, Carla Gascon drama.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[B]

Yes. We have so many shots.

[A]

Emilia Perez.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And, you know, we were just trying to figure out again, is that scandal. Wait, what's the trajectory now? That's the big story today, but will it still be the big story in a week? Or how do we handle it?

[B]

Is she gonna be there?

[A]

Is she gonna be there? And what's a joke that isn't. Doesn't go too far this way or that way. It's just. It's a lot of trying to navigate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, let's pitch the sail correctly so it catches the wind in just the right way. And it's. And we, Boy, we get into arguments, you know, for sure, which is probably happening right now just a floor below us. Yeah. My ritual is I like to come. I like to kick the door open in a very dramatic way. And you guys all go, whoa. And then I come in and I think I waste time. Mostly you do, but I do all my bits. You guys are patiently.

[B]

Yeah, we watched. What did we watch yesterday for like a half hour? Sarah Jessica Parker, the sequel.

[A]

And just like that.

[B]

Just like that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone was talking about there's something on that show. So we watched that. I said, let's call it up. And so we're watching that. And then we all, you know. And I said at that moment, if someone from the Academy comes by and we're all watching it just like that, and just like that, they're gonna say, we're screwed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, we will pull up things on the Internet. I mean, it's a typical writer's room. Yeah.

[B]

You gotta waste time.

[A]

You have to waste time. I maintain that wasting time is somehow useful if we're all laughing, but I might just be trying to justify it.

[B]

I was gonna say, I think you're just telling yourself that so you could waste everybody's time. And just like that. You guys watched that for a half an hour, I think.

[A]

So.

[B]

It was really enjoyable, the way we. Oh, the episode.

[A]

Yes, there was an episode. Specifically, it took place in a standup club.

[B]

Yeah. Of a comedy concert. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

[A]

So it was just, you know, it's one of those things where, you know, we start chatting, and then the next thing you know, we're all watching television. And then I can always tell that, oh, I should have left 10 minutes ago. What I try and do is leave on a laugh. If I get a big laugh, I try and get out the door fast. But if someone stops me on my way out the door, then I think I have to get another laugh. It's terrible.

[B]

Well, it's the version of a writer's room. What you do on stage when you're messing around with the audience up front, it kind of gets your. Gets that part of your brain going. But it's not the official jokes, you know, I think it's a good reprieve for the brain. And then we all go back to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Trying to deal with the. The setup. That Sinners has 16 Oscar nominations.

[A]

Well, that's the other thing, too, is we're always looking for premises, and sometimes we look too hard and a writer will write all these jokes about, you know. Did you realize that the first best cinematography award was handed out in 1947? And then they write five jokes about that. And I think I've lost the audience with the setup to that joke.

[B]

I still get made fun of because last year we were sweating and Isabella Rossellini was nominated. So one of my setups was that she had a bed and breakfast in New York City. That's right.

[A]

That's right. Hey, did you know Isabella Rossellini is nominated for an Academy Award? Did you know she has a bed and breakfast in Rye, New York? Can you imagine?

[B]

Like, that would be your top 15 jokes at the Oscars.

[A]

And I look down and one of the skarsgards is just like, what the fuck? Yeah, Brian. New York. Yeah, you can take the Taconic. Conan O' Brien loses audience. After a strong start, O' Brien went on a 30 minute discourse on how hard it must be to run a bed and breakfast in upstate New York.

[B]

But Rossellini's booked for the rest of the year.

[A]

It's great.

[B]

Advertisement.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, she'd be thrilled.

[B]

Does she really, though? She does.

[A]

She does. She does.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is she there at the bed and breakfast?

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

Are you gonna re pitch this joke this year?

[B]

I will.

[A]

And this year it'll be even funnier because it's like Isabella Rossellini not nominated this year. But did you know she has a bed and breakfast in upstate New York?

[B]

Well, I did find out that Jesse Buckley's great grandmother, was he in the Irish Civil War. Fighting for the Irish side.

[A]

Oh, there you go.

[B]

Wow. Yes.

[A]

Well, that's always bringing up the Irish Civil War. Always gets them laughing.

[B]

Great premise.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah. How about the famine? You got any good Irish famine jokes? Of course. We won't have that problem tonight. Cause we got plenty of food at the buffet. Well, I'm just saying I'm allowed to do it.

[B]

Oh, man. Oh, my God.

[A]

Well, this is really fun. And I am honored and thrilled that you helping me out again. Cause you're the best.

[B]

Thank you for having me back.

[A]

You are the best.

[B]

And thank you to Jimmy Kimmel for letting me have eight weeks off to come here too. Wow.

[A]

I'm sorry, Jimmy, but. Yeah, and he's mad about it too. I can tell he's mad. No, you know what? And true, thanks to him. Because when you were on my staff writing jokes for me, I would not have let you go for eight weeks for anything. If you were doing a blood transfusion, I would not let you go. But so thank you very much, Jimmy. And yeah. Let's get back downstairs.

[B]

Let's get back downstairs.

[C]

Conan o' Brien needs a fan. With Conan o', Brien, Sonam of session and Matt Gourley produced by me, Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leow Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Supervising producer Aaron Blair Associate talent producer Jennifer Sample Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Berm engineering by eduardo Perez get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign [e-mail] Conan Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O' Brien needs a fan wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[D]

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[E]

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