The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face - Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Transcript

Conan O'Brien (0:03)

One thing about the entertainment industry, it's easy to earn a reputation, even if it doesn't reflect who you really are. For example, everyone thinks that Discover is a card that isn't widely accepted. Can you believe that? I can't stand people who think that. Yeah, me neither. Those are my least favorite kind of people. In reality, it's accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. This is a flawed concept. 99%? Yeah, it's almost all of it. Yeah, almost. But just 1% away. So maybe now you'll think twice before judging a book by its cover. Hello? Unless it's a celebrity cookbook, just stay away from those. Celebrities can't cook. In that case, judge, you know what I mean? Whenever a celebrity is making a cake, I think that's a bad cake. Based on the February 2024 Nielsen report. Learn more at discovery.com credit card if.

Jordan Schlansky (0:50)

You'Re alignment in charge of keeping the lights on, Grainger understands that you go to great lengths and sometimes heights to ensure the power is always flowing. Which is why you can count on Grainger for professional grade products and next day delivery. So you have everything you need to get the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickgrainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. A Monday Warrior Mean Me Stride Today's Tom Sawyer Mean Pride all right, it's.

Conan O'Brien (1:34)

Time for an episode of the Conan and Jordan Show. Of course, we just heard Rush. Oh, yeah, and that's one of your favorite bands, if not your favorite band of all time.

Jordan Schlansky (1:44)

You hear the growl of that Moog synthesizer indicative of early age synthesizers. No, it's actually Moog. It's a Dutch name. It's actually pronounced Mogh, if you really want to be accurate.

Conan O'Brien (1:53)

All right.

Jordan Schlansky (1:53)

And Moog synthesis.

Conan O'Brien (1:54)

Give me a silver.

Jordan Schlansky (1:55)

Yes.

Conan O'Brien (1:55)

Just a quick favor. There's a little slice there of go fuck yourself pie. Would you have just a little taste right there?

Jordan Schlansky (2:01)

I know a lot of people equate synthesizers with the late 80s sound. That is to say, bright and blaring. I'm talking specifically about 86, 87 and 88, the most horrible arguably year. But when you talk about early 80s, you're more of a buzzy synthesizer sound.

Summary

Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend – Episode: The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face
Release Date: May 9, 2025

Overview

In this engaging episode of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, Conan O’Brien is joined by his long-time colleague, Jordan Schlansky, for a candid and humorous discussion that delves into personal habits, nutritional choices, and the complexities of their professional relationship. The conversation is marked by witty banter, insightful critiques, and a deep dive into the idiosyncrasies that define their interactions.

Nutrition and Cereal Choices

The episode kicks off with Conan and Jordan exploring their preferences and philosophies regarding nutrition, particularly focusing on breakfast cereals. Conan introduces a humorous conflict over a protein bar, sparking a broader conversation about food choices and dietary habits.

Cereal Preferences:
- Jordan's Perspective: Jordan expresses a critical view of processed cereals, questioning their health benefits despite their popularity. He shares his sporadic cravings for commercial breakfast cereals, specifically naming favorites like Froot Loops and Lucky Charms.
  - "First of all, I do not believe that any breakfast, any breakfast cereal is healthy, okay?" [08:52]
- Conan's Contrasting View: Conan defends the enjoyment of these cereals, emphasizing the pleasure derived from their taste and the nostalgic value they hold.
  - "I love the marshmallows. And I also love... they just were monochromatic. It was just an all yellow or an all gold." [18:08]
Discussion on Natural vs. Artificial Colors:
- Jordan: Highlights the differences between American and British versions of Froot Loops, noting the European Union's regulations on artificial colors.
  - "They have different colors. They're colored by natural products. Turmeric, spinach, things like this." [09:18]
- Conan: Playfully disputes Jordan’s critique, ultimately agreeing on the superior taste of Froot Loops while humorously conceding the marshmallows' appeal.
  - "Now I'm just eating the marshmallows. And you know what? I'm in heaven." [19:04]

Appearance and Aging

The conversation takes a personal turn as Conan seeks Jordan's honest assessment of his appearance, leading to a humorous yet pointed exchange about aging and self-perception.

Conan Seeks Feedback:
- "Could you just tell me how you think I'm looking these days?" [32:36]
Jordan's Candid Critique:
- Jordan provides a brutally honest evaluation, commenting on Conan’s physical changes and the inevitability of aging.
  - "Physically, sure, you're deteriorating as. As. As we all are. And it will only get worse." [37:00]
Humorous Tension:
- The exchange escalates with Conan expressing frustration over Jordan's lack of flattering remarks.
  - "Why can't you say that?" [40:30]
- Jordan maintains his composed demeanor, focusing on the objective aspects of Conan's appearance.
  - "You have strength. You definitely have strength." [40:37]

Interpersonal Dynamics and Professional Relationship

Throughout the episode, the interplay between Conan and Jordan highlights the unique dynamics of their professional relationship, marked by mutual respect, underlying tension, and comedic exchanges.

Compensation and Roles:
- Conan probes Jordan about his role and compensation, leading to a humorous debate over the nature of their collaboration.
  - "Why should I pay you at all?" [28:49]
- Jordan asserts the importance of recognizing artistic contributions, albeit in his characteristically detached manner.
  - "Artistic contribution should be compensated." [28:49]
Social Interactions:
- They discuss perceptions from the public, with Conan humorously comparing Jordan to mythical creatures like Sasquatch.
  - "It's like a. Oh, Jesus, there it is. Let me try and get a photo of it in real life before it scurries away." [26:34]

Conclusion

As the episode nears its end, Conan and Jordan reflect on their conversations with a blend of humor and genuine sentiment. Despite the playful critiques and candid assessments, there is an underlying acknowledgment of their unique friendship and professional bond.

Final Reflections:
- Conan expresses a mixture of frustration and appreciation for Jordan's honesty.
  - "But Jordan, thank you for joining me. I do appreciate it." [41:05]
- Jordan concludes with a nod to their shared interests, subtly reinforcing their enduring partnership.
  - "It's my pleasure. It's the mini Moog. You see that growl? It's a growl." [41:11]

Notable Quotes

"Maybe now you'll think twice before judging a book by its cover." – Conan O’Brien [00:03]
"I have times of insanity." – Conan O’Brien [36:33]
"Lucky Charms are just sweetened Cheerios plus some extra bonus marshmallows." – Jordan Schlansky [17:20]
"You should work on it a little bit. You know, you only get one life." – Conan O’Brien [30:27]
"Artistic contribution should be compensated." – Jordan Schlansky [28:49]

Final Thoughts

This episode encapsulates the essence of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, showcasing Conan’s quest for genuine connections through humorous and heartfelt conversations. The interplay between Conan and Jordan offers listeners a glimpse into their intricate relationship, characterized by playful teasing, honest critiques, and an underlying camaraderie that continues to evolve.