The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face

Summary

Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend – Episode: The Conan and Jordan Show – Beet Red Face
Release Date: May 9, 2025

Overview

In this engaging episode of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, Conan O’Brien is joined by his long-time colleague, Jordan Schlansky, for a candid and humorous discussion that delves into personal habits, nutritional choices, and the complexities of their professional relationship. The conversation is marked by witty banter, insightful critiques, and a deep dive into the idiosyncrasies that define their interactions.

Nutrition and Cereal Choices

The episode kicks off with Conan and Jordan exploring their preferences and philosophies regarding nutrition, particularly focusing on breakfast cereals. Conan introduces a humorous conflict over a protein bar, sparking a broader conversation about food choices and dietary habits.

• Cereal Preferences:

  • Jordan's Perspective: Jordan expresses a critical view of processed cereals, questioning their health benefits despite their popularity. He shares his sporadic cravings for commercial breakfast cereals, specifically naming favorites like Froot Loops and Lucky Charms.
    • "First of all, I do not believe that any breakfast, any breakfast cereal is healthy, okay?" [08:52]
  • Conan's Contrasting View: Conan defends the enjoyment of these cereals, emphasizing the pleasure derived from their taste and the nostalgic value they hold.
    • "I love the marshmallows. And I also love... they just were monochromatic. It was just an all yellow or an all gold." [18:08]

• Discussion on Natural vs. Artificial Colors:

  • Jordan: Highlights the differences between American and British versions of Froot Loops, noting the European Union's regulations on artificial colors.
    • "They have different colors. They're colored by natural products. Turmeric, spinach, things like this." [09:18]
  • Conan: Playfully disputes Jordan’s critique, ultimately agreeing on the superior taste of Froot Loops while humorously conceding the marshmallows' appeal.
    • "Now I'm just eating the marshmallows. And you know what? I'm in heaven." [19:04]

Appearance and Aging

The conversation takes a personal turn as Conan seeks Jordan's honest assessment of his appearance, leading to a humorous yet pointed exchange about aging and self-perception.

• Conan Seeks Feedback:

  • "Could you just tell me how you think I'm looking these days?" [32:36]

• Jordan's Candid Critique:

  • Jordan provides a brutally honest evaluation, commenting on Conan’s physical changes and the inevitability of aging.
    • "Physically, sure, you're deteriorating as. As. As we all are. And it will only get worse." [37:00]

• Humorous Tension:

  • The exchange escalates with Conan expressing frustration over Jordan's lack of flattering remarks.
    • "Why can't you say that?" [40:30]
  • Jordan maintains his composed demeanor, focusing on the objective aspects of Conan's appearance.
    • "You have strength. You definitely have strength." [40:37]

Interpersonal Dynamics and Professional Relationship

Throughout the episode, the interplay between Conan and Jordan highlights the unique dynamics of their professional relationship, marked by mutual respect, underlying tension, and comedic exchanges.

• Compensation and Roles:

  • Conan probes Jordan about his role and compensation, leading to a humorous debate over the nature of their collaboration.
    • "Why should I pay you at all?" [28:49]
  • Jordan asserts the importance of recognizing artistic contributions, albeit in his characteristically detached manner.
    • "Artistic contribution should be compensated." [28:49]

• Social Interactions:

  • They discuss perceptions from the public, with Conan humorously comparing Jordan to mythical creatures like Sasquatch.
    • "It's like a. Oh, Jesus, there it is. Let me try and get a photo of it in real life before it scurries away." [26:34]

Conclusion

As the episode nears its end, Conan and Jordan reflect on their conversations with a blend of humor and genuine sentiment. Despite the playful critiques and candid assessments, there is an underlying acknowledgment of their unique friendship and professional bond.

• Final Reflections:
  • Conan expresses a mixture of frustration and appreciation for Jordan's honesty.
    • "But Jordan, thank you for joining me. I do appreciate it." [41:05]
  • Jordan concludes with a nod to their shared interests, subtly reinforcing their enduring partnership.
    • "It's my pleasure. It's the mini Moog. You see that growl? It's a growl." [41:11]

Notable Quotes

• "Maybe now you'll think twice before judging a book by its cover." – Conan O’Brien [00:03]
• "I have times of insanity." – Conan O’Brien [36:33]
• "Lucky Charms are just sweetened Cheerios plus some extra bonus marshmallows." – Jordan Schlansky [17:20]
• "You should work on it a little bit. You know, you only get one life." – Conan O’Brien [30:27]
• "Artistic contribution should be compensated." – Jordan Schlansky [28:49]

Final Thoughts

This episode encapsulates the essence of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, showcasing Conan’s quest for genuine connections through humorous and heartfelt conversations. The interplay between Conan and Jordan offers listeners a glimpse into their intricate relationship, characterized by playful teasing, honest critiques, and an underlying camaraderie that continues to evolve.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

One thing about the entertainment industry, it's easy to earn a reputation, even if it doesn't reflect who you really are. For example, everyone thinks that Discover is a card that isn't widely accepted. Can you believe that? I can't stand people who think that. Yeah, me neither. Those are my least favorite kind of people. In reality, it's accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. This is a flawed concept. 99%? Yeah, it's almost all of it. Yeah, almost. But just 1% away. So maybe now you'll think twice before judging a book by its cover. Hello? Unless it's a celebrity cookbook, just stay away from those. Celebrities can't cook. In that case, judge, you know what I mean? Whenever a celebrity is making a cake, I think that's a bad cake. Based on the February 2024 Nielsen report. Learn more at discovery.com credit card if.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You'Re alignment in charge of keeping the lights on, Grainger understands that you go to great lengths and sometimes heights to ensure the power is always flowing. Which is why you can count on Grainger for professional grade products and next day delivery. So you have everything you need to get the job done. Call 1-800-GRAINGER clickgrainger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done. A Monday Warrior Mean Me Stride Today's Tom Sawyer Mean Pride all right, it's.

[Conan O'Brien]

Time for an episode of the Conan and Jordan Show. Of course, we just heard Rush. Oh, yeah, and that's one of your favorite bands, if not your favorite band of all time.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You hear the growl of that Moog synthesizer indicative of early age synthesizers. No, it's actually Moog. It's a Dutch name. It's actually pronounced Mogh, if you really want to be accurate.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right.

[Jordan Schlansky]

And Moog synthesis.

[Conan O'Brien]

Give me a silver.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just a quick favor. There's a little slice there of go fuck yourself pie. Would you have just a little taste right there?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I know a lot of people equate synthesizers with the late 80s sound. That is to say, bright and blaring. I'm talking specifically about 86, 87 and 88, the most horrible arguably year. But when you talk about early 80s, you're more of a buzzy synthesizer sound.

[Conan O'Brien]

You came out of the gate so hot, so fast that we're in danger of scaring off the listener. Even big fans of yours. So just take it easy, take a breath, and let me introduce people to the concept of Conan and Jordan having a show together. I'm constantly stopped in the streets by people who say, you have that crazy Jordan character. Is he real? And I say, yes, he's absolutely real. And we thought, what better way to delight the SiriusXM listener than by capturing some of that magic right here in the studio? And that's why you're here, Jordan.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay, I understand.

[Conan O'Brien]

And we play that song up front because you have made it very clear you love Rush. You love that Tom Sawyer song. And we're here to learn more about you and maybe learn more about our relationship, how we get along, and how we relate to each other. I as human, you as robot from the future.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I see.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sent here to destroy us.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm not completely convinced that we have a show. I feel like when most people get a show, there's some kind of feeling of accomplishment. Will I be financially compensated for this? We'll talk about that. I haven't been engaged.

[Conan O'Brien]

You should just be proud that you're here with Conan o' Brien and that your thoughts are being captured and put out into the atmosphere. I think that's the achievement. Money. What does money do? Money just muddies the waters. It soils the whole enterprise. Don't you believe?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I think my artistic services should be adequately compensated.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, first of all, you're calling yourself an artist now.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because you can babble on about a Moog Munch synthesizer at length.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Mogh.

[Conan O'Brien]

And if you're an artist, what is your medium? You know, the spoken word, clearly. Oh, okay. All right. All right. Some work in oils, some, of course, in clays. You work in raw irritation. You're a difficult guy to speak to. And yet I overcome. I overcome my irritation to be with you today because it clearly does delight people.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

And that's why we're here. And there's so much to talk about. First of all, when I. I won't name the protein bar, but I have a protein bar here, and you noticed it, and you. You mistook it for a candy bar at first, but it's just a protein bar.

[Jordan Schlansky]

It's covered in chocolate, right?

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't think that's chocolate.

[Jordan Schlansky]

That's not chocolate. There's a brown substance coating your candy bar.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I don't even know what that is, but it's not chocolate. It doesn't taste good enough to be chocolate.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm not aware of any alternatives to chocolate that have that brown appearance.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I can think of one, but it's called a McShitty, this bar, and I enjoy it. I. It. It. It gives me that little something I need in the middle of the day. I Traditionally only eat two meals a day.

[Jordan Schlansky]

It gives you something you need.

[Conan O'Brien]

It does?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. What type of protein is in that bar? A low quality protein. Like pea or soy or is it like a high quality whey? Only prot are.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't want to get into it. That's not what we're here to talk about.

[Jordan Schlansky]

And what's the balance of protein to carbohydrates to fat? Do you just shove something in your mouth? Because maybe your trainer recommended it or did they have it at your gym? I don't understand, Jordan.

[Frank Smiley]

What do you think what you're doing right now is worth Monetarily?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Is this your art right now?

[Jordan Schlansky]

What I'm saying is bullying someone, this is a slow burn. Why don't you go to go for like rapid fire laughs. We're here. People are driving to work. This is slow and steady.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay? Anyone listening to this right now has probably stopped their car along the side of a road and possibly is thinking of ending it all. So don't make any assumptions about what the listener is doing, okay? I don't know what's in here. I actually don't have my glasses in studio. Here, let me borrow yours. Frank, please. Look, Frank is letting me borrow his glasses. I can't reveal the name of the bar. Protein blend. Soy protein isolate, calcium right out of the gate.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Whey protein. Modified. Is it genetically modified?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I am. I've been genetically modified. No one's this funny naturally or this good looking. Yeah, it's sodium caseinate. All the stuff that was in the Bible, in the Old Testament. Alkalized cocoa.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Why don't you try a Rise branded bar, which is just like 100% whey protein.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Frank Smiley]

All right, here's your money.

[Conan O'Brien]

There you go. There's your money for your art that you just practiced by irritating me. You know, this actually leads us nicely into our topic today, okay? Which is? I wanted to talk to you about nutrition. Now, one of the things that fascinates me about you, Jordan, other than your complete lack of a heart rate or any kind of brain function, what really fascinates me about you is that you embody so many contradictions. I'm fascinated by this strange dichotomy in your diet. You're all about healthy foods. But am I correct, you have a real weakness? Fondness for junk foods?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Well, there are like any human being, I'm not impervious to marketing efforts by various large corporations that produced processed food products. I have cravings like anyone else.

[Conan O'Brien]

You always talk like you're in a Deposition. Have you noticed that there's not. This is not a deposition. This is a. A conversation between two friends. Me compensated. You not. I don't understand why you talk that way. So you're saying you like junk food?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm saying I have certain cravings. I. Candy is not a particular craving of mine. I would never eat a bar such as the one you're eating that's covered in a chocolate like substance that smells like chocolate, looks like chocolate, but according to you, may not be chocolate. I don't have cravings for candy. You know, I'll have like a tiramisu. I'll have a. Some ice cream.

[Conan O'Brien]

Tiramisu or ice cream does not count. I'm talking about. I think I remember going through your office and finding boxes of cereal. Okay, And. And let's talk about that.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay?

[Conan O'Brien]

You like children's cereal.

[Jordan Schlansky]

It's interesting that you bring that up. I would say once every three to four years, I'll get a craving for some commercial breakfast cereal. Okay?

[Conan O'Brien]

And, well, okay, when you say commercial breakfast cereal, specifically, what are you talking about? Give me some brands.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, I'm talking about your Kellogg's, General Mills, maybe even a Quaker.

[Conan O'Brien]

Those are not. I want specific.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay?

[Conan O'Brien]

You're telling me about companies, all right? I want to know the names of the cereals.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Let me tell you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Tell me the names of the cereals, okay? Oh, great. Oh, oh, great connoisseur of foods. Tell me what these are.

[Jordan Schlansky]

First of all, I do not believe that any breakfast, any breakfast cereal is healthy, okay? Even if they're marketed as such, even if they don't have added sugar. I believe the whole concept of extruding wheat or other grains is indigestible to the body, makes the body work hard. Even a supposedly healthy cereal like Cheerios, which is marketed as having whole grains, I don't think is healthy for the human body. That's my own belief. I'm sorry if I get the show in trouble for saying so now.

[Conan O'Brien]

Not at all. Not at all.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Now?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, not at all, not at all. And first of all, I'm going to make it clear. Those are your views, not mine.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

All these cereal companies you mentioned, I'm a big fan of, okay? I love those companies and I'd love to be in business with them, okay? And I'm willing to hawk or market anything that they're selling, okay? I don't care if it's irradiated, okay? I have no soul but you, but.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You, Jordan, I'm going to fall off the wagon yes. Understanding that I don't believe any of them are healthy, I'm going to go for the maximum impact, satiate my craving so that craving goes away and for another three to four years.

[Conan O'Brien]

Give me the name.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay. So. Well, I made some new discoveries recently, but historically, I would say my holy grail, my guilty pleasure would have been like, Froot Loops.

[Conan O'Brien]

Now, Froot Loops.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Regarding Froot Loops, you have an American version of Froot Loops and you have a British version of Froot Loops.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait a minute. There's a British version of Froot Loops. Do they come. Hold on. They have a British version of Froot Loops. First question, is Toucan Sam on the box or is it a different bird?

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, it is Toucan Sam.

[Conan O'Brien]

Or is their bird a lady, which is what the Brits refer to as a lady.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Who says Toucan Sam isn't a lady? Sam is a gender neutral name.

[Conan O'Brien]

Very good. I like the way you've evolved. Go ahead.

[Jordan Schlansky]

There are certain regulations in the European Union that prohibit the use of artificial colors. For example, so the Fruit Loops in the UK have different colors. They're colored by natural products. Turmeric, spinach, things like this. And sure, the colors are a little more muted than the artificially colored product we get here in the United States, but that's a small price to pay. And furthermore, I found that the Fruit Loops in the United States have a hydra hydrogenated oil and the British ones do not. I've never had the pleasure of consuming the British ones. They're not ready.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why are you shouting? Why are you shouting?

[Jordan Schlansky]

This is my normal tonality. By the way, we have a man, Eduardo, who can adjust the input level to compensate.

[Conan O'Brien]

Lower the irritation levels, please.

[Jordan Schlansky]

So, okay, I would like to try the British Fruit Loops. Nevertheless, Froot Loops was always my holy grail. And I'll tell you something. Not about Froot Loops, but about Trix, which is a General Mills cereal. Okay? So they also have artificial colors here. And a number of years ago, General Mills took the admirable stance and they said, we are going to phase out artificial colors in our cereal. And I said, finally, we're going to. Our country is moving forward. They listen to the consumer. The consumer votes with their dollar. Consumer trends show people want healthier. McDonald's offers salads now. So now, finally, they're getting rid of artificial colors. And they did. And of course, the colors were now natural. They were a little more muted, and the cereal tasted exactly the same. And suddenly, there was an angry letter writing campaign by Americans complaining about this Change people saying, this is not the cereal I grew up with. I do not want my children having these disgusting colors. And I'm thinking to myself, you're blowing it. You're blowing. We're finally mo forward as a nation, and you're. You're. You're saying the exact opposite of what you should be saying. People are so disappointed that Cheryl wasn't as bright as it used to be, tasting exactly the same. And you know what General Mills did? They said, sorry, we made a mistake, and they put the artificial colors back in, and that's regression. And I. I'm incredibly ashamed of this country's reaction to the naturally colored traits.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I love America. I'm a proud citizen of the United States, and it's been very good to both myself and my ancestors. So I disagree. When America makes a decision, I back it 100%. Second of all, you're under this impression that people buy their cereals based on the company that made them. No one goes to the supermarket and says, where's the General Mills aisle?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

And where's the Kellogg's aisle?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Where's my favorite General Mills to Kellogg's aisle?

[Conan O'Brien]

No one cares. Just talk about the cereals. I'm telling you, going forward, you know what I mean? No one does that. No one else does that. No one even thinks about who makes these cereals. It's not important. So your dream.

[Jordan Schlansky]

The dream was Froot Loops, okay? But recently I had one of my cravings that I wanted to satisfy, and I was in the supermarket. So I went to the cereal aisle, and I said, let me just take care of this. Nip this in the bud, and then it will disappear and I can eat normal, unprocessed foods for another three years. So I filled my basket with my Holy Grail Fruit Loops, and then I mixed it up a little bit. I also did Golden Grams, which I was also one that I have liked historically. And I went with a Lucky Charms, which is like a wild card guilty pleasure. Another one of those super sugary cereals. And then I went with Quaker cereal. Life Life is not quite as sweet as some of the other ones.

[Conan O'Brien]

And we don't need to know the company. Just say life.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay, Life Cereal. Now, I did some experimenting, and I had some revelations about these cereals. Now, as a grown man, you know, I change as I go through life, and my reaction every few years is different than the previous occasion. So I determined that while life, I still enjoy the taste and it's low sugar than the others. There was some digestive Instability.

[Conan O'Brien]

What? Did you get the runs? Did you get the shits?

[Jordan Schlansky]

There was some digestive issues.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you blow up? Did you blow a gasket south of the border? What happened?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Sometimes you feel stable in the gastrointestinal tract and sometimes you don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

So you had a. Whatever, you had a six hour makeout session.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, first of all, you had a.

[Conan O'Brien]

Six hour makeout session with your toilet. Is that what happened?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I don't want to overstate this. There was no violence, Violent reaction. I'm. I'm aware of the subtleties of my body. You see, I look deep beneath the surface.

[Conan O'Brien]

Subtleties of your body? It sounds like you ate something. I don't know why you're laughing. I'm not laughing. I. I think this is. Look at you. You look maniacal.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You look at your face. Let me tell you something.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's your face.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I don't need a violent explosion to tell me something is wrong. I know. I can detect subtleties in my body and my own digestion.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, how subtle was it?

[Jordan Schlansky]

You may not have even noticed it. But I'm telling you, I mean, I'm telling you, I'm not sitting nice. I'm not in my body.

[Conan O'Brien]

Toilet.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Why do you keep bringing out the toilet? Because there were digestive instability.

[Conan O'Brien]

Digestive instability usually means one thing for you.

[Jordan Schlansky]

It does. Because you're a man of extremes, okay? So you hear this and you imagine. You imagine a man on a toilet bowl, you know, beat, red face, sweat flying off his body, shaking about.

[Conan O'Brien]

What are you talking about?

[Jordan Schlansky]

What I'm telling you is, do you need to know this particulars? Isn't the fact that there's digestive instability already a red flag to stay away from Life Cereal again? No. No offense to the Quaker Road Company. This was only the company. This is my own.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don't mention the companies. I do a lot of business out there. I am a very business friendly comic.

[Jordan Schlansky]

What I'm saying is I prize my gastrointestinal stability. I like to. I like to have certain conditions. I like to be. I like to feel empty. Light, okay? Light on my feet. I don't want to be bloated. I don't want excess bulk. I just want to be empty.

[Conan O'Brien]

You don't want to be running to the toilet at three in the morning.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Listen to me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Does the toilet scream when it sees you coming?

[Jordan Schlansky]

There's a pressure. It's a subtle pressure. Okay. You feel a pressure in your bowel? Yeah, sometimes. And it's very subtle. Okay, it's not that subtle. So the problem is, when you have. When you have this pressure, it desensitizes the bowel to what normal pressure should feel like. Anyway, regardless, let's move on from that. So I eliminated.

[Conan O'Brien]

So that's your critics. Food critics. That's your food. Your food critics report on Life Cereal.

[Jordan Schlansky]

In my case, there was some digestive instability, heaviness in the bowel, an unstable subtle pressure. Okay, So I rejected Life Cereal from the running. Although I did enjoy the taste. And there are some people that may be completely stable. I can't speak for your own experience. Okay, So I put Life aside. Now, Froot Loops was not as great as I remembered it. In the end, I found it monotonous, the Froot Loops. It was a 1:1 tone. And what really surprised me. Fruit. Was Lucky Charms. Let me talk a little bit about luck. I made some discoveries.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can I say I'm a fan of Lucky Charms? Well, there was a time when I was a child when I thought, well, maybe this is a misrepresentation of the Irish people. But I came to embrace it. Sure. And I love Lucky Charms.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Here's my take on Lucky Charms. Okay, first of all, I remove half the marshmallows. I found that there are too many marshmallows as stock from the manufacturer. There's too many of a good thing.

[Conan O'Brien]

The marshmallows are like the best part.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm not saying they're not. I'm saying less is more.

[Conan O'Brien]

They actually, I think there's been a movement to have them make a Lucky Charms. That's only the marshmallows. I would be behind that.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay, because.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because the other part of Lucky Charms is just a conventional.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Well, it's funny you bring that up. And I made a discovery. Now, they are made with General Mills and I recognize. Leading to something companies. I recognize that the flavor of the non marshmallow part was very familiar to me. And then I realized they're Cheerios. They're Honey nut Cheerios. They are sweetened Cheerios plus marshmallows. Same company, same ingredients of the non marshmallow portion.

[Conan O'Brien]

You just. You know, you just did. You just blew the lid off this thing.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes, I did. And if you remove half of the marshmallows and you eat Lucky Charms, you're eating Cheerios. Sweetened Cheerios plus some extra bonus marshmallows. Yeah, there they are.

[Conan O'Brien]

Here we go.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Lucky Charms.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, here's Lucky Charms. And they've got all.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Take out half the marshmallows.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, don't take out half the marshmallows. I love the marshmallows.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You can have half of my marshmallows.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, okay, we should share an apartment then. Because then I could get all the marshmallows and you could just eat whatever this other. I mean, basically that's a packing material they put in there. Did you know that Amazon uses this as their packing material when they ship? I love the marshmallows. And I also love. When I was a kid, they just had. These just were monochromatic. It was just an all yellow or an all gold. Now they have different faded colors. They've spray painted each marshmallow individually, encouraging.

[Jordan Schlansky]

This use of artificial colors as those people that wrote those letters to General Mills did.

[Conan O'Brien]

It tastes really good, this stuff. I think you were right. I'm gonna say this. I don't agree with you on much. And I think a lot of what you've said is pure idiocy and lunacy. But your choices are correct, oddly enough. Froot Loops are superior and Lucky Charms are superior. Those are both quite cereals.

[Jordan Schlansky]

See, I told you I was disappointed by Froot Loops in the end.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm. Now I'm just eating the marshmallows. And you know what? I'm in heaven.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, I actually feel wasteful when I throw away half my marshmallows. It's good to know that you would.

[Conan O'Brien]

Save them for me. Can you save them for me?

[Jordan Schlansky]

You know, you can buy your own marshmallows. There's. It's ridiculous to suggest that I would save them and transport them to you.

[Frank Smiley]

Do you want some Froot Loops?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Let me try the Fruit Loops.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Take a look. Take a look at the British Froot Loops and understand that they taste the same and tell me if you would really.

[Conan O'Brien]

I can't wait till my. At customs at Heathrow and they say, what's your business here in London, Mr. O' Brien? And I say I'm here to check out your Froot Loops. I'm laughing at you, not with you. Are there other foods besides cereals that you go crazy for? I mean, is it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You're talking about processed foods.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, processed foods. I mean, I know that you like Pop Tarts. I know that you like.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I don't like Pop Tarts. That was.

[Conan O'Brien]

I found them in your office.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, in 2008.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, so what happened?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Shot in 2007, by the way. Aired in early 2008.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. I'm a good driver.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm a good driver. We shot it in December.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wapmer's on at 5. Okay, good driver. That's great. I'm happy for you that you're happy.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. Other processed foods are not my weakness.

[Conan O'Brien]

So your aberrant behavior you say comes in cravings. I do want to make call something to your attention.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

I am a fan of. Of crime, true crime. And I've done a lot of crime.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Itself or documentaries about crime.

[Conan O'Brien]

I love crime. Okay, I'm a coward myself, but if I could get away with it, I would. All right, but serial killers, specifically, many of them have described that they're urge that comes over them every couple of years and then they go insane. Their eyes get demonic, the way yours did when you were talking about Froot Loops and Lucky Charms. And they commit these horrible acts. Their face is splattered with blood and then they compose themselves, they clean up the scene and they go back to their, quote, regular lives where they're very contained and robotic. You exhibit all of the same traits. It's the same. It really is the same.

[Jordan Schlansky]

The only difference being that some men kill people and some men eat cereal.

[Conan O'Brien]

You say tomato, I say tomato. You're a murderer.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Throughout the year, I think your soy protein impervious to any criticism. While I'll consume high quality whey protein. And once every three years, I'll have some Lucky Charms.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, well, I think we've exhausted this issue. And by the way, that means that you've exhausted me. I want nothing more to do with you. We're gonna take a little break. We'll be right back. So now where else can you go surfing and skiing the same day, huh? I don't know. Or check out a world class art museum and then camp at a dark sky sanctuary that night, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Where else can you hike through redwoods and then get a luxury spa treatment? Where? Well, you live there. California. California. Sona, no matter where you go across the state, you'll find a way to play. I'm a California resident. Sona, you are a lifelong California resident. I'm a lifer. I love this place. This is a beautiful state. Gorgeous. So many different wonderful ecosystems in one state. You can hang out by a Palm Springs pool. You know, you can go whale watching. You can go hiking in Yosemite and then talk about the great cities in California. You get all this amazing food, sushi, whatever you want. They got it in California. Hey, if you can't find it in California, man, you got a problem. Yeah, I shouldn't have done that. I made that up on my own. Anyway, I love California. Discover why California is the ultimate playground. Head to visitcalifornia.com to start planning your trip today. We drink so much water every day, and it's just water. And I'm like, hello, boring. Yeah, there's gotta be a way to make water more exciting. Well, guess what? Someone cracked it. With authentic flavors and lively carbonation, Waterloo Sparkling waters bring full flavor artistry. Blay, you're drinking one right now. Drinking one right now. I got the raspberry nectarine and it is tasty. It's very good. Very tasty. Everyone here in the office has been enjoying them. They're excellent. They're delicious. And you know, you say, what's flavor artistry? Some people think, oh, you're just talking a lot of high class nonsense, Conan. No, it's about custom crafting multisensorial flavor experiences of aroma, taste and mouth feel that make you say wow. Wow to that sentence. Waterloo waters are crafted, not formulated or off the shelf. Just purified sparkling water and non GMO project verified natural flavors, which I insist on. Me too. With zero calories, sugars or sweeteners. I drink water constantly. I just had a couple of glasses of water and it was just regular water upstairs. And I regret that time. It was boring. You'll never get that back. I'll never get that time back. Three full glasses of water. I wish it was Waterloo and I could have had. What did you have? Raspberry. You know what, what's that one cracking open? A peach right now. Okay, well, you should. You could have offered that to me. You just ate a second when I haven't had one. Oh, sorry. Nice. Thanks a lot. I'm so thirsty. Were you working tomorrow? Give Waterloo sparkling water a try. Look for Waterloo sparkling Water next time you shop. Learn more about the flavors from Waterloo sparkling [e-mail] hey, big sandwich news. This is hot off the presses, literally. Firehouse Subs has teamed up with Hot Ones on a new, bold version of the iconic hook and ladder sub. You know the old hook and ladder sub? The old hook and ladder used to be our favorite. Well, guess what? Introducing the all new Zesty Garlic Hook and Ladder. A limited time sub packed with the perfect combo of mild heat and bold flavor. We're talking smoky turkey, honey ham, melted pepper jack cheese all stacked on a freshly toasted bunch. Plus onions marinated in hot ones, Classic garlic, Fresno hot sauce and crispy garlic chips on top. And guess what? I know my Hot one sauces. I think.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, you do.

[Conan O'Brien]

And that's one of the good ones. Try the new Zesty Garlic Cooking ladder at Firehouse Subs today. Exclamation point. Only for a limited time at Firehouse Subs.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Welcome back to Listen to youo Heart. I'm Jerry. And I'm Jerry's heart. Today's topic, repatha Evolokimab heart. Why'd you pick this one? Well, Jerry, for people who have had a heart attack like us, diet and exercise might not be enough to lower.

[Conan O'Brien]

The risk of another one. Okay.

[Jordan Schlansky]

To help know if we're at risk, we should be getting our LDL C, our bad cholesterol checked, and talking to our doctor.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm listening.

[Jordan Schlansky]

And if it's still too high, Repatha can be added to a statin to lower our LDL C and our heart attack risk.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hmm.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Guess it's time to ask about Repatha. Do not take Repatha if you are allergic to it. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Get medical help right away if you have trouble breathing or swallowing. Swelling of the face, lips, tongue, throat or arms. Common side effects include runny nose, sore throat, common cold symptoms, flu or flu like symptoms, back pain, high blood sugar and redness. Pain or bruising at the injection site. Listen to your heart.

[Conan O'Brien]

Ask your doctor about Repatha.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Learn [e-mail] or call 1-844-repatha.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, we're back. I'm here with my co host, Jordan Schlansky. Jordan, when I walk this earth, and I do walk this earth, people are always asking me about you. Do you get questions when you walk around? Do people come up to you and say, hey, I know you're. You're that guy Jordan who?

[Jordan Schlansky]

They do?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. And what's their. What do you hear from those people? What's the feedback you're getting?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Well, the mere fact that people approach and oftentimes want a photo or a selfie already tells me that they're appreciative of the work that I guess you and I do together. The artistic work, our contribution.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, people have tried. If they see Sasquatch, they try and get a photo. So it's not always a compliment. It's like a. Oh, Jesus, there it is. Let me try and get a photo of it in real life before it scurries away. But people are nice to you?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes, they are.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do they question you about our relationship in real life?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I can't recall any questions about you in particular.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, really? They're not interested in me at all.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I get questions about myself. But you know, that's fair. That's my own experience. You might get Questions about you and not me?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I only get questions about you.

[Frank Smiley]

How often do you hear people ask you what you do on the show and what your duties are?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Generally, it comes from Conan. No one else asks me what I do. It's a fascination of yours?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, it's a fascination. I have to say, while we're in the course of the time that we've been doing this radio show, you've constantly asked me when you're going to get paid. And I think there's no proof that you've actually done anything for me in 25 years of employment. And yet you've been steadily paid. So I'm just curious, why should I pay you at all? You may owe me tons and tons and tons of back pay from years, years of working for me and being well compensated and living a very nice life and going to wonderful restaurants and traveling the world and doing what I can tell is nothing. Every time I've quizzed you on what you do on the show, you have no idea. And now all I do is want to chat with you briefly on the Serious Channel. And what do you say repeatedly? When am I getting paid? How much am I getting paid? Where's my money? That's offensive. I thought we were friends.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. Nevertheless, I believe that artistic contribution should be compensated.

[Conan O'Brien]

What is art? What are you talking about, art? There's no art here.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm talking about in. When I'm finally engaged by Sirius and given a contract, I expect to be referred to as the artist in parentheses. That's generally how these things work. Are you an artist?

[Conan O'Brien]

When you walk your dog and it poops, do you say, ah, the artist is done. I would like to now frame his work and pick it. Is that. Is that your. Is that. Is that your attitude about what art is?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I don't have a dog.

[Conan O'Brien]

What? I'm telling you, it was a hypothetical dog.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And why do you hate dogs?

[Jordan Schlansky]

What I'm telling you is I'm not.

[Conan O'Brien]

You don't like dogs.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm not responsible for the US financial system and the business model that exists where if you work, you get paid for that work. I didn't invent that. But nevertheless, that's where we are. I'm going through.

[Conan O'Brien]

Your eyes are crazy again.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm just going through life in this society like everyone else.

[Conan O'Brien]

Your eyes are insane again.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Right?

[Conan O'Brien]

Are you aware what happens to your eyes? Want me to do it for you?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I don't know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Your eyes get very wide. There's a sharp break, a crazy break in the eyebrows, and you get a frozen smile, otherwise known as a rictus. A frozen smile of a grinning ghoul. The smile that a corpse gets when it starts to, you know, decompose. The muscles pull back and it gets a frozen, eerie, crazy smile. The death mask. That's your face.

[Jordan Schlansky]

These are my human expressions. I did not craft this. I didn't ask for this body. I was given.

[Conan O'Brien]

Clearly not.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I was given this facial structure, and that's the way my facial structure reacts to any number of stimuli.

[Conan O'Brien]

But you could work on it. Have you worked on trying to have a regular smile?

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, I have not worked on trying to have a regular smile.

[Conan O'Brien]

You should work on it a little bit. You know, you only get one life. You don't want to walk around. And every time. What do your kids think when you start smiling on their birthday? And they think, why is that?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I haven't had about my smile other than they're terrified of you. I haven't had.

[Conan O'Brien]

Children don't want to talk to you. They're terrified of you.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sometimes a child. A child is too afraid when there's a. A masked, grinning, murderous clown in the house. A child doesn't go up to it and say, let's talk about this. So I'm just saying there's a chance here. You should talk to your wife and maybe we can help you.

[Jordan Schlansky]

So what's your specific complaint right now? What's your grievance? That my smile is aesthetically pleasing. Yeah. Is that what you needed to express?

[Conan O'Brien]

It looks evil.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's sort of evil and maniacal. So, Jordan, you're gonna. We've agreed. You're gonna work on your smile and on just being a little more normal. Okay?

[Jordan Schlansky]

That will make you more comfortable for me to have a different smile. I guess I could consider it.

[Conan O'Brien]

How's your workout regimen? What are you doing these days?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, yes, well, you know, this is a complex question. It really isn't really beyond the scope of this simple medium.

[Conan O'Brien]

Simplest question of all, what's your workout regimen? What are you doing?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes, well, primarily, I like to lift heavy objects. I believe in resistance training, also known as strength training. I stress my muscles beyond their capacity to prompt them to grow larger, stronger.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why do you do that? Everyone knows what building muscle involves. You don't have to explain the process.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I don't know if everybody knows you take that for granted because you have high powered trainers. The point is, if you don't stress your muscle beyond trainers, you have to work out to failure. Okay? You have to work out until you can't lift another rep. You're there.

[Conan O'Brien]

Look at your face. You just took a torpedo amidship. You're going down by the bow. Of all my employees, you're the one that's been the most honest with me over time about my appearance.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it's not always easy for me to hear. Oh. And sometimes it's very painful for me to hear. But could you just tell me how you think I'm looking these days?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, how you're looking these days?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, be honest and you don't have to be mean if you don't on purpose.

[Jordan Schlansky]

First of all, we need to be relative. We need to be relative to your age. Okay? I'm not going to assess you as if you were a 20 year old. Do you look as good as a 20 year old? No, of course not. You wouldn't expect to. So there's that. So you've got, you know, age and, you know, there are certain. Look, you're a nice guy. I mean, what I'm saying is. Jesus Christ. Look, look there.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm not. Wait a minute. I'm a nice guy.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Speaking, physically speaking, you have strengths. Okay, what's your posture? And for a taller guy, you know what? Most people, when they hit puberty, people that are tall, they kind of developed a hunch stance because they're trying to like, diminutize themselves because they feel a little impossible.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I didn't hit puberty. No, I just skates. But I stayed erect.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, for a tall man, you're quite. You are quite erect. You, you stand with good posture.

[Conan O'Brien]

But why you? I mean, you can say, clearly, I work out. Isn't that clear to you?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Well, I know that you work out because I know you and we. It's come up in discussion. Yeah, sure, but.

[Conan O'Brien]

No but when you look at me.

[Jordan Schlansky]

When I look at you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Be honest. Come on. You can tell I'm in pretty good shape.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Who knows what you would look like if you didn't work out. So by that reckoning, I'm guessing that working out has certain benefits to your. You're talking about visually. You want to know how you visually look?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. When I walk into a room, what are you thinking?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Well, look, a man is a complex sum of his parts and then. And then some. I don't just dissect your physical appearance and separate it out from everything else. When you walk into a room, I say, there's. There's a man and he's got some strengths.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is like the worst day of my life.

[Jordan Schlansky]

What can I What can I. I.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don'T see why it's so hard to say. I hear a lot of compliments from some of the people that work here, younger people, and they say, oh, you look really good. You look thin, you look like you work out and you, you don't say any of those things.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Well, I don't know what kind of feedback you're looking for. Do you want thin? Well, sure. I mean, you're not obese, so, you know, I mean, I've seen you different weights over the years. That's okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

There were different strains and pressures over time. Sometimes I probably self medicated with food, but I think I've got it all under control.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I mean, look, this is not 2000, late 2004, early 2005.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's the period when you really thought I went to shit, didn't you?

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, you looked great. That's when you looked at looks great.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's when I looked.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, you had a good, good few years, even through 2007. Few years, you know, few years.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, I can hear at your peak.

[Conan O'Brien]

What do you mean?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Is this the lowest you've ever been?

[Conan O'Brien]

No, this is, this is a, a lot of people think I look younger than say a 60 year old man would normally look. Do you think that's true?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, I'd say so, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. You're not, I mean, 60, is that like a senior citizen? But by the strictest definition, I don't know when, when do you not have to take your shoes off at the airport? Reports 62. No, I'm just saying, like, I don't understand what's considered elderly, but, but you do not look elderly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thank you.

[Jordan Schlansky]

If six, if people think 60 is elderly and I'm pretty spoiled, I think.

[Conan O'Brien]

There'S a good chance I could take you in a fight. I think I would tear you apart.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. You've got height. Yeah. No, you don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just height, but strong muscle.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Absolutely.

[Conan O'Brien]

I could totally rip you apart.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. Even at your worst, in 2000, you know, 1, 2, I was upset.

[Conan O'Brien]

There was a lot of horrible things happening in the world, so I ate the pizza pie. What's the problem? Every now and then terrible things would happen and I would compensate by eating them.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You had a bad year, like nutritionally speaking, what are we talking, late night binges? Like, what were you doing to gain everything? I'm just saying, how does it happen?

[Conan O'Brien]

I wasn't forced. And Wells, no one was writing in and saying that I was the tub of late night.

[Jordan Schlansky]

What I'm saying was it Just that every meal was slightly bigger. Were you just eating late at night before being at rest?

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, my issue. My issue is I can be. I can really lock it down. But then, like you, I have times of insanity. Okay, and there were times of insanity.

[Jordan Schlansky]

But are you eating like hot dogs? Like large anything?

[Conan O'Brien]

I can get into my fat face like a snake. I would unhinge my jaw and I would shove stuff in there.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Was it portion size that got you with it?

[Conan O'Brien]

It was everything. Everything. And yes, I was I somewhat monstrous for months. Several months, maybe in 2001. But then I snapped right back into this immaculate form. And you're still beating me over the head because I went off the rails for a couple of months.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm answering the question that was asked. To me, you look better than you did back in the early 2000.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, thanks a lot. And you say that I'll never get back what I had in the late 2000s.

[Jordan Schlansky]

By the way, I've deteriorated as well. I mean. I mean, I'm.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, we're not talking about mentally. We're talking about physically.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes, I deteriorated as well. I would expect you to deteriorate.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm not deteriorating. I'm a. I'm a. I. Every day I get better and better, stronger and stronger.

[Frank Smiley]

He looks good. For. For.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You know, for what?

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't even think. 4. I think I look fine.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You look fine. Fine is a good word for it. Perfect word.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is terrible. Eduardo, would you weigh in? Sure. I mean, is the only thing he's saying. Do you think he's being a little hard, harsh, or do you think he's. He's accurate? You can be. Say whatever you want, and then you can work someplace else tomorrow. For.

[Jordan Schlansky]

For. That's.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why is it always for that?

[Jordan Schlansky]

We see the world through a subjective lens, you understand? We consider a number of possibilities. You don' Exist in a vacuum. Your physical appearance doesn't exist in a vacuum. When I look at you, I think of your life circumstance. I think of your aura. I think of so many things that are far more important than your physical shell. Physically, sure, you're deteriorating as. As. As we all are. And it will only get worse. And not even in a linear scale. It will be exponential.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's going to go fast. Do you think I'll go downhill?

[Jordan Schlansky]

The difference between 60 and 70 will be far more dramatic than the difference between 50.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't think so. I think 60 and 70 I'm going to do pretty well. I think 70 to 72 is when I go right in the. I think that's when I become just a total mess.

[Jordan Schlansky]

What I'm saying there will be times when you look back on this video, for example, and you say, God, I was an Adonis back then, right? Look at me now. I'm saying this is, from this point forward, as good as it's going to get for you. Now, sure, you can make certain improvements to your lifestyle, nutritionally speaking, but that's.

[Conan O'Brien]

Not going to change that much.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Right, Exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

I could go to Britain and have their Fruit Loops, but it's not going to get that much better.

[Jordan Schlansky]

But you understand, this is the beauty of the human experience. There's a rise and a fall. This is the period where, look, I didn't make these rules of nature, but they, they exist. Your body is useless to human evolution at this point. You, you, we know that you have value to us, but mother Nature doesn't know this. Your, your genetic programming doesn't know this. You are as, as you know, potentially everyone in this room, a couple of very good looking men in here. You are deteriorating. You are, you are in the decline, the decrescendo, the plummet.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, well, this has been fun.

[Frank Smiley]

Well, I want to, I want to ask you a question. You were saying that you were kind of beating around the bush. Those two bad years, the decline years.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, yeah.

[Frank Smiley]

What was wrong with him in those years?

[Conan O'Brien]

In your. Okay, well, in your estimation. And thank you, Frank.

[Frank Smiley]

Yeah, my pleasure.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You see, I'm being prompted to be critical and then I will be criticized for being critical. What's worth mentioning is when people do decline, sometimes they decline in different ways. Okay. We have different deficiencies. For whatever reason. Your own particular deficiency was somewhat unique among the people that I know. Sometimes I see people get bellies. I see people, you know, have. Lose muscle mass. You had a very specific deficiency. Your face and your body itself stretched horizontally. You widened, your face widened. I don't understand the mechanics of it.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was with child. What I'm saying is I was carrying a baby.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Unless there was.

[Conan O'Brien]

I was carrying a baby.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay? So now in case there was like an injection of human growth hormone to widen the bone structure of your jaw. I don't understand the mechanics.

[Conan O'Brien]

Look at my face now. Does it look the same? Is it too wide?

[Jordan Schlansky]

You look okay. You're not okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why don't you fucking say I look good? I'm a good looking man. Why can't you say that?

[Jordan Schlansky]

You have strength. You definitely have strength.

[Conan O'Brien]

We're out.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You definitely have strength.

[Conan O'Brien]

We're out. We're Out. We're out. You know, that's it. Anyway, this has been the Conan and Jordan show, soon to be just the Conan show again. And I'm very depressed. I'm gonna go have. I'm gonna go have wine. And it is. It's a little after 2 o' clock in the afternoon as we record this. I'm gonna have a lot of wine and that face is going to plump up real nice. But Jordan, thank you for joining me. I do appreciate it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

It's my pleasure. It's the mini Moog. You see that growl? It's a growl.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah. No one cares. This is your favorite band, Bob Moog.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Dutch name, of course. Just like a stroke waffle. You are familiar with the Dutch speech drop waffle? The. Oof. Stroke meaning syrup.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I didn't know that.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Waffle meaning waffles.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, waffle is of course, waffles. We were just.

[Frank Smiley]

I was just informed. We were just canceled.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait. Nope, I just heard we were back.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Who is even assessing this show?

[Frank Smiley]

The Conan and Jordan show with Conan o' Brien and Jordan Schlansky is produced by me, Frank Smiley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Jim McClure. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez. Our supervising producer is Andrew Gruse. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista and Brit Kahn. The theme song is Tom Sawyer by Rush. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan and Jordan? Call. Call the team Coco Hotline, 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan o' Brien Needs a Friend. Wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. And be sure to subscribe and tune into Conan O' Brien radio channel 104 on SiriusXM.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Every day, our world gets a little more connected, but a little further apart. But then there are moments that remind us to be more human. Thank you for calling Amica Insurance. Hey, I was just in an accident. Don't worry, we'll get you taken care of at Amica. We understand. Understand that looking out for each other isn't new or groundbreaking.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's human.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Amica empathy is our best policy. This episode is sponsored by E Trade from Morgan Stanley. Dive into the market with E Trade's easy to use tools. And now there's even more to love. Get access to expert insights from Morgan Stanley to help navigate the markets. Open an account and get up to $1,000 or more with a qualifying deposit. Learn [e-mail] terms and other fees apply. Investing involves risks Morgan Stanley Smith Barney, LLC Member SIPIC etrade is a business of Morgan Stanley.