The Conan and Jordan Show – Travel Memories

Summary

Podcast Summary: Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend
Episode: The Conan and Jordan Show – Travel Memories
Release Date: April 11, 2025

Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend takes a humorous dive into the tumultuous yet endearing relationship between host Conan O’Brien and his long-time associate producer, Jordan Schlansky. In this episode, aptly titled "The Conan and Jordan Show – Travel Memories," Conan and Jordan reminisce about their shared (and often fictitious) travel adventures, offering listeners a blend of heartfelt moments and comedic banter.

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1. Exploring the Dynamics of Conan and Jordan's Relationship

The episode opens with Conan humorously lamenting his competitive nature during board games, setting the tone for his interactions with Jordan.

• Conan O’Brien [00:02]: “I probably get really competitive. I do. And if I start to lose, I flip the board over.”

This playful admission highlights the underlying tension and camaraderie that define their professional relationship. Conan acknowledges the frequent questions about Jordan's role and their friendship, leading to a lighthearted debate on whether they are truly friends.

• Conan O’Brien [02:00]: “People say, how’s Jordan doing? And then they also want to know, what’s the deal with that guy.”

• Jordan Schlansky [03:03]: “I believe we’re intimate right now.”

Their banter often blurs the lines between professional and personal, creating a unique dynamic that resonates with fans.

2. Recounting Memorable Travel Adventures

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to recounting their travels to various countries, predominantly Italy, Argentina, and Japan. These narratives are rich with fictional yet amusing anecdotes that showcase their differing personalities.

Italy: A Blend of Comedy and Culture

Their trip to Italy is celebrated as one of the highlights, filled with quirky moments and cultural explorations.

• Conan O’Brien [21:29]: “We went to Florence. Did you like that?”

• Jordan Schlansky [19:16]: “That trip was a part of my life even before you and I went. That was a trip that I had done many times before.”

This segment underscores Jordan's understated enthusiasm contrasted with Conan's exaggerated reactions, such as their infamous sound machine incident during a drive through Italy.

• Conan O’Brien [21:35]: “That made me really laugh. To this day I can’t see that without laughing.”

Argentina: Culinary Delights and Cultural Insights

Their journey to Argentina is depicted with warmth and a touch of competitive spirit, especially during dining experiences.

• Conan O’Brien [24:33]: “Steak there is fantastic. And I was really enjoying the meal. And we shot one of those meals. I think you annoyed me a lot during that meal.”

• Jordan Schlansky [24:50]: “Well, I know that regarding the culture of the Argentines, I’m certainly no expert.”

These interactions highlight their ability to navigate cultural nuances while maintaining their characteristic humor.

Japan: Traditional Experiences and Humorous Mishaps

Japan brings a series of comedic misadventures, particularly during a traditional meal where Jordan's obsession with Karate Kid Part II leads to friction.

• Jordan Schlansky [25:53]: “My fascination with Japanese culture began with the Karate Kid Part two.”

• Conan O’Brien [26:14]: “But you did lie about how long it was.”

The exaggerated scenario where Conan thwarts Jordan's knowledge with a fabricated message from Ralph Macchio adds a layer of absurdity to their stories.

• Conan O’Brien [29:04]: “And you’re going to try and talk yourself out of it.”

3. The Humor in Their Interactions

Throughout the episode, Conan and Jordan's interactions are laced with sharp wit and playful antagonism. Their exchanges often involve mock-serious debates, showcasing their chemistry and mutual understanding.

• Conan O’Brien [07:19]: “You just don’t seem human to me. You’re like a cigarette machine.”

• Jordan Schlansky [07:13]: “I’m a free thinker.”

This dynamic is further illustrated during their discussion about Jordan's interview with Collider, where Conan humorously questions whether it was approved by "the Conan Machine."

• Conan O’Brien [08:25]: “Did it have to be cleared with Cruz? Frank? Ross? Eduardo?”

Their ability to poke fun at each other while delving into personal anecdotes keeps the conversation engaging and relatable.

4. Reflections on Friendship and Professionalism

As the episode progresses, Conan and Jordan reflect on the nature of their working relationship, hinting at a deeper, albeit unconventional, friendship.

• Jordan Schlansky [06:55]: “We come across as these two people who are always at each other’s throats. And I do enjoy traveling with you.”

• Conan O’Brien [14:08]: “And I do enjoy traveling with you.”

Despite the ongoing jabs, both acknowledge the value of their collaboration and shared experiences, painting a picture of a complex yet enduring partnership.

5. Concluding Thoughts

The episode wraps up with Conan and Jordan playfully grappling with the notion of romanticizing their travel experiences, culminating in a humorous yet heartfelt exchange.

• Conan O’Brien [36:06]: “Do you have a romantic condition?”

• Jordan Schlansky [36:07]: “Why sexual? Do you have a romantic interest?”

Their final interactions leave listeners with a sense of camaraderie masked by their signature comedic friction, reminiscent of their past episodes.

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Notable Quotes:

• Conan O’Brien [00:02]: “I probably get really competitive. I do. And if I start to lose, I flip the board over.”

• Jordan Schlansky [03:03]: “I believe we’re intimate right now.”

• Conan O’Brien [21:35]: “That made me really laugh. To this day I can’t see that without laughing.”

• Jordan Schlansky [25:53]: “My fascination with Japanese culture began with the Karate Kid Part two.”

• Conan O’Brien [29:04]: “And you’re going to try and talk yourself out of it.”

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Conclusion

"The Conan and Jordan Show – Travel Memories" offers listeners a blend of fictionalized travel tales and the quintessential comedic interplay between Conan O’Brien and Jordan Schlansky. Through their exaggerated stories and witty exchanges, the episode delves into the complexities of their professional relationship, hinting at a unique friendship forged through shared (albeit fictional) adventures. Fans of the show will appreciate the balance of humor and heart, making it a memorable addition to Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend.

Transcript

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm so good at board games. You ever played a board game with me? I haven't, but I feel like I just destroy. I probably get really competitive. I do. And if I start to lose, I flip the board over. That's why I have an unbreak broken streak. I just always win because I just throw the board over, flip it over and say, get out of my house.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's mature. Well, yeah, it's a way to always win or never lose. Well, if you want to save time and win faster, you should do it with Monopoly expansions. There are three new ways to shorten classic Monopoly. Attach to any classic Monopoly board, old or new, to add a twist and win fast. This is it. Everything's happening faster now. They've sped up Monopoly. Monopoly does take some time. If you don't have time, did not anymore. Bask in piles of money and free parking, be granted permission to cheat and steal and go to jail. Good Lord. Societal structures are collapsing. You can even experience the thrill of owning it all, including the bank in buy everything.

[Jordan Schlansky]

What?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yep. We're teaching people good value. Shorten the game with monopoly expansions. All three packs are available to purchase now at Amazon.com Monopoly is a trademark of Hasbro. This message is brought to you by Apple Card. Apple Card is a no fee credit card that gives you daily cash back every day. That's 3% back at Apple and 2% back on every purchase made with Apple Card using Apple Pay. Apply for Apple Card in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval. Variable APRs for Apple Card range from 18.24% to 28.49% based on creditworthiness rates as of January 1, 2025. Apple Car issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA Salt Lake City branch terms and [e-mail] okay, if you hear that song, it means you're listening to the Conan and Jordan show or just randomly playing with the knobs on your radio. I am Conan O'Brien, and I am sitting here with Jordan Schlansky.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Hi.

[Conan O'Brien]

Who has been in my employ for many, many years as an associate producer. Never quite figured out what he does for me, but we've had a lot of adventures together.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

People often ask me about you.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh.

[Conan O'Brien]

People say, how's Jordan doing? And then they also want to know, what's the deal with that guy? And so you're a regular part of my life. You come up a lot.

[Jordan Schlansky]

That's flattering.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Not so flattering the way they ask it. But the point is, we're shackled together.

[Jordan Schlansky]

For better or worse. We didn't choose this life. But nevertheless, here we find ourselves.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. Very well said.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I do enjoy doing these shows with you. I like spending time with you. Short amounts of time that are controlled. You know, you get on my nerves sometimes. And I'm told I get on your nerves.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Well, I think with any intimate relationship there are gonna be ups and downs.

[Conan O'Brien]

We've never been intimate.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I believe we're intimate right now.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, well, your definition of intimate and mine is quite different.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Maybe it is.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I think we've certainly been intimate.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, we're not.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You cannot deny that you and I have been an intimate situations.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't think so. I. There's always a camera present and a sound crew and. No, I don't think we've been in intimate situations.

[Jordan Schlansky]

It's not always we. You and I are friends. We've hung out.

[Conan O'Brien]

Not. No, I.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You and I have socialized with no cameras present.

[Conan O'Brien]

When?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Multiple times. There have been numerous occasions where you and I socialized.

[Conan O'Brien]

Name one.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm not here to enumerate things that should be self evident to a man that was there for these experiences. Experiences? You and I are friends, like it or not.

[Conan O'Brien]

It doesn't work that way, George. You can't yell at someone. You're my friend. You're my friend.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm just stating a fact. This is not.

[Conan O'Brien]

I asked you to give me.

[Jordan Schlansky]

This is not hopeful. By the way, I'd be okay if we weren't friends. Nevertheless, we are friends.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't care if they're my friend or not. And I'll tell you something else. I asked you to name specific times when we hung out in a social occasion that didn't involve us doing any kind of media project. You failed. You failed completely or wasn't work related? No, you and I don't hang out. When was the last time you and I went out to the. To the clubs and did the electric boogaloo together? That doesn't happen, you know, so. I don't know what these times are you're talking about.

[Jordan Schlansky]

There are many times.

[Frank Smiley]

Well, why don't you cite what?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay, 2008. Due Restaurant, Upper east side. We had a nice dinner. We walked through Central park on a hot, steamy summer night. Came across Shakespeare in the park, watched a beautiful performance together, Went back to your apartment at the time spent. Quality time. It was very intimate. That was 2008. Yeah. Do you discount 2008?

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't remember any of this.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Whether you remember it or not, it happened.

[Conan O'Brien]

And so you and I walked through the park and we walked.

[Jordan Schlansky]

We walked. Yeah. Do a Upper east side. You lived on the Upper west side, but you did.

[Conan O'Brien]

We did. We have tickets to this Shakespeare in the Park?

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, we came. This was serendipitous. Do you understand? Some of the greatest organic moments in life are unplanned. We didn't know we'd have a magical night that night. Nevertheless, we did. You.

[Conan O'Brien]

I remembered it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. We started out with a wonderful dinner. Of course you remember what you had. Yeah, of course I remember what I had. I had the Polar Scarpa yellow and Jesus. Yeah. And I had the Tortino for dessert. Yeah. Remember when I had brunk? I had a. By the way, a branch I. A tray to drink.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, that usually goes away with a little.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, no. I don't know what you had. That was your responsibility. But. But after that we walked. You came up with. You're a man that loves to walk and that's a great quality. Although you have access to many tr. Transportation options. You like to walk?

[Conan O'Brien]

I do.

[Jordan Schlansky]

We've walked in many places.

[Conan O'Brien]

But there was a Shakespeare in the park. Usually those are enclosed. You can't just walk.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, we came across. It was some kind of Shakespeare production. And backstage you and I stood there and we watched. We stood there and we had a moment. A magical, magical moment. And then. And then we photographed. We photographed your apartment. We did. You did this great thing where it was late at night.

[Conan O'Brien]

I remember you doing this. I remember you photographing. I lived at the Majestic at the time. And you photographed it. You took a nice photo of it, which I still have. I remember this now.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, it was. It was.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's. And by the way, this wasn't us being friends. I asked you to take. That's why we were together was to take that photo. I think I paid you for that photo. So this was a gig. I paid you because you're a photographer to take a picture of my apartment late at night. Cuz I was going to give it to my wife. Framed. And you did. And we got a bite to eat first and you turned it into this, this, this date, which it wasn't. You got paid.

[Jordan Schlansky]

We don't know when magical experiences will happen to us. We try to plan these things. Oh, I'm going to have a special occasion night. You plan and then things inevitably go wrong. And then magic happens. When you least expect it. That night was magic. One of many magical nights and days that you and I have had all.

[Conan O'Brien]

Across the planet, all joking around. Or I think your preferred term is joshing. All joshing aside. You and I, we've had some good times together. You do get on my nerves. I can't fake that. I do find you to be kind of absurd, Inhuman in a lot of ways.

[Jordan Schlansky]

A free thinker.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's that?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm a free thinker. I may not fit into the mold of the characters that we play. No, no, no.

[Conan O'Brien]

You just don't seem human to me. You're like a cigarette machine.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's malfunctioning. You pull on it, you're trying to get a pack of cigarettes and, you know, some molasses comes out. You seem a little bit of the something's wrong in your cuckoo tree, but that's neither here nor there. I have wave the magic wand of fame at your direction and you have become a known personality. You're welcome. As a result, you did an interview recently with the online entertainment publication Collider. Is that right?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes, I did.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was this last week?

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, this was not last week.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, but it says right here last week.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Does it really matter when, though? I mean, it was recent, right? I mean, I'm saying to get hung up on details, like two weeks ago. It was longer than two weeks ago.

[Conan O'Brien]

Was it three weeks ago?

[Jordan Schlansky]

It was longer than three weeks ago. Is a very nice young lady from Toronto. I love Canadians. I spent a lot of time in Ontario, specifically, also British Columbia.

[Conan O'Brien]

Your girlfriend in college was in Canada, wasn't she?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Where are you getting these incorrect facts from? No, there was no Canadian.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's an old thing where people would say, do you have a girlfriend? Yeah, yeah, she's in Canada. And of course, that's code for she doesn't exist.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

So did you do an interview with Collider?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I did.

[Conan O'Brien]

Was it approved by my people?

[Jordan Schlansky]

In what sense do you ask that question?

[Conan O'Brien]

You're part of the Conan Machine.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you're out talking about Conan. Bryan must go.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

My show on max, currently running, and you have the nerve to do your own interview?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I was asked to do an interview.

[Conan O'Brien]

Was it cleared? Was it cleared with Cruz? Was it cleared with Frank? Did you clear it with Ross? Did you clear it with Eduardo?

[Jordan Schlansky]

People that needed to know knew.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm one of the people that needs to know.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

I never heard a thing about this.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You and I don't have a line of dialogue for these matters. The people that needed to know knew.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm going to let it go.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, it was it was approved. In all I'm going to. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm going to assume that it's fine.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm sorry I flew off the handle. I've been under a lot of pressure lately launching the match.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm sure you want people to speak freely under your employee. You have nothing to hide.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I don't.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes. No, I have no thoughts about the series. I said I do.

[Conan O'Brien]

Would you say that to Stalin? Would you say to Stalin, I have original thoughts? I'm sure, Comrade Stalin, you wish people to speak freely here in the Soviet Union. No, he didn't. He wanted absolute control, which is what I want.

[Jordan Schlansky]

My point is, I have deep thoughts. Okay. And I have things to say.

[Conan O'Brien]

No one with deep thoughts says, I have deep thoughts.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes. Nevertheless, the thoughts are there, and sometimes people want me to express them. I express the thoughts and no harm done.

[Conan O'Brien]

How did it go? The Collider interview, Frank? How did it go?

[Frank Smiley]

Well, let's take a look. We have a clip here.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, here we go.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You happen to be in the Argentina Travelog, and that was an episode I really loved. You've been on so many journeys with him. How has the relationship evolved from those early remotes to what we see in this episode? I think in the early remotes, I was still approaching this, aware of the fact that Conan was clearly my boss and I was kind of. I felt an obligation to be subservient and play the role of the employee. But I guess gradually, over the years, I've been able to put that aside while we're on camera and act just like I would be naturally inclined to act should someone approach me in the manner that he does. So in that sense, I think it's probably more truer to our actual relationship as opposed to, like, employer, employee.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wow.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

So you're saying there's been an evolution in our relationship?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. I would hope that any relationship between human creatures, or even animal creatures, undergoes change over time.

[Conan O'Brien]

Jordan, you don't have to keep qualifying it to say we're humans. It really does give the impression that you're new to this whole human thing.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I see.

[Conan O'Brien]

And it puts people off. You know, it really does create that image that you came here about nine years ago, and we're put into this shell, this form, in order to observe us and then report back to the mothership. Yeah, Well, I thought what you said was fairly accurate. You realize you still are under my employ, under my aegis. I could crush you with my thumb if I wished. A bug that I am observing. You amuse me. I'll let you live for now, but maybe right now. Ooh, squish. There you go. So you.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I mean, if such statements make you feel more powerful, I'm not going to challenge them. They do, certainly. Yes, yes. If you needed that reinforcement, you've got it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate it.

[Frank Smiley]

Should we take a look at the next one?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is good. I thought you did a good. I thought you did a good job in there. Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go.

[Jordan Schlansky]

What's one thing about the relationship with Conan in these episodes that fans might be surprised to learn that doesn't come across. Doesn't come across on camera? Because I'm sure there was more B roll that we haven't seen as yet. Well, the reality of the situation is, despite how it may or may not appear, speaking for myself, I love traveling with Conan. I love spending time with him. I love spending time with him in foreign environments. I do truly think that when you travel, your experience any kind of new event with someone you know, it does bring you closer together. You not only experience things firsthand, but reflected in somebody else's eyes as well. I genuinely have so many warm memories of traveling to Argentina and other places with him. We would have wonderful dinners, and we would talk about, you know, the food that we're eating and the local nature of that food and the culture around us. And it may surprise people to know that we really get along. And I would like to think he enjoys my company as much as I enjoy his.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, wow. Well, I have one comment. First of all, you said some lovely things there, but before we get to that, you've got to change your background the next time you do a professional interview.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Because the angle's all wrong. We're looking up at a. Look at that. That's a mess. And that looks like you've made a. Quickly made a video to try and get help. Yes, to try and get to.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I don't have the resources that you have. Do you understand this? I'm. Yes. I'm. I'm a man among men. Yes. A human man. I've got media trained in this regard. I. I do the best I can.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, well, look how that beam is coming out of your head.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And. And it just. It. It. It does look like you've drawn the shade so you can cut up a body. So let's move on to what you said. I. Right back at you, buddy. I have enjoyed our travels together. You do enrage me at times. But what I have found is, as infuriating as you are in person, when we go to these exotic lands together, you're still the same person, but suddenly the quality of the food we're having is much better. And we're in, you know, we're in Buenos Aires.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Right.

[Conan O'Brien]

You know what I mean? Or we're in Tokyo. And so that sort of makes it all go down a little easier. Do you know what I mean?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, I see.

[Conan O'Brien]

I prefer you in a foreign land, preferably if I'm not with you, so. But I agree with you. Yes. We come across as these two people who are always at each other's throats. And I do enjoy traveling with you.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I think it's a testament to our closeness that we can be at each other's throats and still endure.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, endure and even, may I say, thrive as humans and as animals.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, we're gonna take a little break.

[Jordan Schlansky]

We'll be right back.

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Jordan Schlansky]

Thank you.

[Conan O'Brien]

Seriously, because you know how to, like, do things on the. On the phone and order things online. I don't know that well.

[Jordan Schlansky]

It's usually simple stuff. You can't.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Make tea.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Jordan Schlansky]

Feel like you would thrive working for them.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, I would go to nerdwallet.com to finance smarter today. After all, letting NerdWallet do the work is more than smart. It's genius. Terms and conditions apply. Credit products subject to lender approval. See nerdwallet.com for details. Hey, Sona. Pretty recently, I got together with a bunch of my chums.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Guys I went to college with. We all played football together. And don't laugh at that. That's real. Sorry. Yeah, it was one of those. It was one of those little table games of football. It's actually a video game, simulated football. And it was the 80s, so it wasn't a very good game. Anyway, it was a good time. We got together, we had a good time. It's really nice to get together with people. And I gotta say, from game nights to parties with friends or special anniversaries, celebrating important occasions means more moments with the coolest people in your life. I want to say cheers to 50 years of Miller Light. The greatest tasting light beer for people who love beer since 1975.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yay.

[Conan O'Brien]

And now is the perfect time to celebrate legendary stories with friends, family, and a great tasting light beer. You know what I call this? What? I call it Miller Time. Oh, I came up with that. It's the 50th anniversary of Miller Lite. Can you believe it? I can't. It's the perfect beer for beer lovers. Doesn't fill you up. You always know what you're getting when you crack open a Miller Lite. Yeah, it's crisp. It's crisp.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Mm, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And we had a really good time. We went to Italy together. Now, of all the travel shows we did before Max, I think one of my favorites was Italy, just for the sheer fun and silliness of it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

That's wonderful.

[Conan O'Brien]

There was a lot of just kooky comedy. Do you remember going together to Italy?

[Jordan Schlansky]

No. Yeah, of course I remember going to Italy. Do you understand? That was a pivotal moment in my life. But I'll tell you something about that trip. That trip was a part of my life even before you and I went. That was a trip that I had done many times before. And that made it extra personal for me because I was able to share with a beloved companion these moments that have been so special to me.

[Conan O'Brien]

Beloved companion?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, you're a beloved companion. The point is, I travel alone, typically. And as much as I like you travel alone. Yeah, I often travel alone. As much as I like the freedom that comes with traveling alone. In the moments of introspection, sitting in a Piazza at 2am and just watching people go by and pondering the universe.

[Conan O'Brien]

You creep. Does your wife know that you like to travel alone?

[Jordan Schlansky]

The point is, sometimes you want to share these experiences with somebody. And I was happy to have the opportunity to share these experiences, this exact experience with you.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's your favorite thing about the trip that we took? Do you. We went to Florence. Did you like that?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Firenze. You like to call it Firenze?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I said Fidenze.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, Fidenzi.

[Conan O'Brien]

Firenze.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. Say it again one more time.

[Conan O'Brien]

You got it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Fidenze. Yeah, it's one of those. You know, some countries go by the same name in English as they do in a native country. That's one that has changed quite a bit, hasn't it? Florence is Fidenze. Rome, of course, Roma. Do you have any others you'd like to? Venice, Venezia.

[Conan O'Brien]

How about Pisa?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, Pisa is actually the same.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I just wanted to ruin your theory.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay. Nevertheless, of course.

[Conan O'Brien]

Naples. Napoli.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, Napoli. Very good.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Jordan Schlansky]

That's impressive.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Jordan Schlansky]

So basically, condescending piece of shit. Yeah. When you ask, I'll tell you some of my favorite moments. Okay. When you ask, I've connected with these places on a spiritual level. Okay. But often alone. And I'd come back and I would talk to you about my trip and you at least pretended to be interested at the time when I'd come back from hiatus. Yeah, exactly. And. And then to be there with you at La Logetta or some of these Sorbilo Pizzeria, some of these exact places where I've spent so many years was quite moving for me.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm glad that you were moved.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I wish you'd kept moving. Okay, but a little quip there. But we had a good time. We enjoyed many foods together.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

There's a segment where you and I are driving around in a little car and I'm playing obscene sounds on a little sound machine.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

That made me really laugh. To this day I can't see that without laughing. That.

[Frank Smiley]

That has some background to it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Let.

[Frank Smiley]

You would drive around by yourself listening to.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, yes. Yeah. Specifically Andrea Bocelli's Celli di Toscana? And let me tell you something.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then I thought, hey, wouldn't it be funny if we listen to what I like to listen to when I'm driving? And it was a lot of embarrassing noises from a sound effects shop. Think about getting this car started. And be very careful with your valuable Conan payload. Can you stop the car for a second?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Stop it. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Just one other thing.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. You're a fool. You are a frame yourself as a sophisticate, an academic, you know, an intellect, and you're a fool. I mean, this is like. This is like Todd or humor, you know, all your training has led you to this. So you are revered in the world of comedy. The elder statesman of late night television. Harvard educated, many decades.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why bring up Harvard? Who gives a shit about that in the comedy world?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay, I'll tell you. The Lampoon. The Harvard Lampoon. Respected publication, editor in chief of some sort of president. Yeah. For a freshman, I think first freshman in the history. It's okay. Called president.

[Conan O'Brien]

Anyway, let's go back to Harvard.

[Jordan Schlansky]

All right. Nevertheless, I'm sorry you have a sore spot about that.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I'm not going to talk about where you.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I don't know what persecution you face as a Harvard graduate. I don't know what the sensitivity is about. I don't know what the sensitivity is. I don't know, if something happened to you at Harvard that you don't want to discuss, I won't bring it up again.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay. So anyway, you're revered comedians look up to you. You, Your sophistication in the comedic world. You're a combination of this silly and the high end, and all of that background and incredible resume brought you to a little classic Fiat Cinquecenta with me playing the sounds of a human gas release.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called a fart. Yeah, yeah. It was very funny.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You couldn't call it that.

[Conan O'Brien]

And we were. We were just howling. It was so funny. I mean, you weren't laughing, but I think you just didn't understand what was happening. You were just a confused robot. But it was so funny. I love that Italy episode, and I hope people check it out. Yeah, it's really, really a lot of fun.

[Jordan Schlansky]

It was very special to me. Yeah.

[Frank Smiley]

You mentioned to me that Argentina wasn't your first choice.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You know, I've been to Argentina now three times, and I. And the first two times I went, I did kind of road trips through Patagonia. And Argentina is a wonderful country, wonderful people, wonderful culture, wonderful food. You know, there are some places that you go to and you say, I had a wonderful experience here and this will carry me through the rest of my life. And this was great and I really treasure it, but I don't necessarily think I'll ever have the opportunity or need to come back.

[Conan O'Brien]

I loved it. I loved it. I loved Buenos Aires.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, I loved it.

[Conan O'Brien]

We had some delicious steak.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Steak there is fantastic. And I was really enjoying the meal. And we shot one of those meals. I think you. You annoyed me a lot during that meal.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, yes. Yes, we did.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Kind of. Maybe the angriest I've been on camera at you. How familiar are you with the culture of Argentina?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Well, I know that regarding the culture of the Argentines, I'm certainly no expert. However, I will tell you that I know that the passion and intensity of tango flows through the blood of the Argentine people. It's on every street corner that we encounter tango, Tango, tango. It's pronounced tango, Tango.

[Conan O'Brien]

Last tango in Paris.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Last tango in Paris. Or more accurately, last tango in Paris.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I'm chewing and I'm furious at the same time. And you can see an anger in my eyes. You'd have to watch, I don't know, you have to watch a movie about the devil to see that much anger in someone's eyes. You know.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, Well, I have a respect for the culture, and I try to honor the people and the way they speak. And if that infuriates you, that sounds like a problem that you need to.

[Conan O'Brien]

Another time you got angry, I took you to Japan.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

You got. That's the angriest I've seen you. You got very angry because you and I had a traditional meal.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, kaiseki, please.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, we had kaiseki. When we were wearing the robes and we were kneeling at the little small table, they were bringing us the various dishes. You started to go on and on about the film Karate Kid 2, and you expounded on how. What made it so special is it was shot in this particular part of.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Japan, Okinawa, Okinawa Island.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then I produced. Once you had really dug your own grave thoroughly, I produced a video that I brought with me of Ralph Macchio, the star of Karate Kids. Macchio?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, macchio.

[Conan O'Brien]

Macchio. But anyway, I produced a video of him telling you that. No, they shot that in the United States. It was not shot in Japan.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Apparently it was shot in Hawaii.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. So you, in that moment, looked like a fool, and I had set the trap perfectly. And you got. Admit it, you got angry. You got very angry.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Well, it's true. I made a mistake. If you'd like to believe I was angry, if that increases your enjoyment of.

[Conan O'Brien]

The situation, you found really mad because you started to say, oh, oh, oh. I guess if I had a booker, I could book someone like Ralph Macchio. And I said, macchio, and you said macchio. I could get a booker. I could get a booker. Oh, big talk show host. You were angry. You were angry. You were frustrated and angry.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You could believe I'm angry if. If you want to believe I was angry.

[Frank Smiley]

Oh, my God. Everybody can see on camera.

[Conan O'Brien]

It got like. Look at the footage, people.

[Jordan Schlansky]

My fascination with Japanese culture began with the Karate Kid Part two. Now, that movie was shot and took place in Okinawa, which is southern part of Japan. And, well, Daniel was staying in a ryokan, which is Daniel. Oh, yeah, Daniel son, played by Ralph Macchio, which is actually the Italian way pronounced macchio, but I believe he pronounces it Macchio, and I'll respect his decision.

[Conan O'Brien]

So, Jordan, let's recap.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Your entire fascination with Japan stems from the fact that you saw Karate Kid 2.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And that it was filmed in where?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okinawa.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okinawa. Okinawa. I have a message here for you. Please press play and hold that out to the camera as you watch it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Hi, Conan. It's me, Ralph Macchio. Listen, I'm sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to tell that Jordan guy that all the scenes in Karate Kid Part two, that was supposed to be Japan, were actually shot in Hawaii. Jordan, those weren't real dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.

[Conan O'Brien]

It was Hawaii. Thank you, Ralph Macchia. You fraud.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I understand that movie.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're fraud. I think right now you're in shock.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes, I am in shock.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you're gonna try and talk yourself out of it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, no, I'm in shock.

[Conan O'Brien]

Your childhood hero just came out of my phone.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And took a shit into your mouth.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I am shocked that you had our talent booker reach out to his publicist. You have the connections.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I can get to Ralph Macchio.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. Yes, you can.

[Conan O'Brien]

You, sir, are a fool.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I do not know where Ralph Macchio shot the Karate Kid, too. Because I'm a fool. I am a fool for not knowing where that movie was shot. It's Macchio. And I can get to him if I wanted to. It's.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, yeah.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay. I can get to Makhio.

[Conan O'Brien]

Listen to you right now. You sound like an insane stalker. We have footage of you with your eyes as wide as an owl saying, I. I can get to Makhio. I can get to him.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I can get to Mafia. I can get to Makhio. I can get to Makhio.

[Conan O'Brien]

You got mad.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay, well, guess what? You got mad when I took you to a very special experience in Italy. Okay? Here's a real story for the people out there that they may not have heard before. This is real life. Listening audience. Okay? I. We were in Florence, and I want to do something special for you. You know why? Because I have an intimate knowledge of that city. And I said, I can provide you an experience. Experience that you can't get as a tourist.

[Conan O'Brien]

Look at how angry he is.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, no, no. This is. This is what I. This is the way I enhanced your life without you even being aware of it, okay? So I know that, yes, you can have a wonderful dinner in the city of Florence, but I knew a very special magical place outside of the city in the town of Fiesole. Okay? This is shortly outside the city. Maybe eight minutes outside the city. Okay? So I said, tonight, I'm going to take you and our entire crew to a wonderful dinner in Fiesole. And you said, great. How. How close is it to Florence? And I said, it's about eight minutes outside the city. And you said, great. So we all get in our vans and we start driving outside the city to Fiesole.

[Conan O'Brien]

I remember this.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. And Then I start, you know, I'm. I'm in the van, enjoying our company. We're talking. We're. We're having a real experience here. The. The night was full of opportunity. You know, this is a wonderful experience, from virtually a local to a tourist like yourself. And I start getting questions about the amount of time that we were.

[Conan O'Brien]

Eight minutes.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay? So people start looking at their watches and say, this is taking a while. And I don't know what the rush was. I mean, we were done shooting for the day, and we were off to a magical.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm sorry. We were all hungry. You said eight minutes. It was not even close to eight minutes. And the bus kept driving and driving and driving. And then we're going up a big hill, and then I was down.

[Frank Smiley]

And I could vouch for this.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay.

[Frank Smiley]

Far away.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'll accept the fact.

[Conan O'Brien]

Lied.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'll accept the fact. Let's say it was longer than eight minutes. You became infuriated by the amount of time it was taking. Yeah, it was taking to get there.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't think I became infuriated. I did not turn into the Hulk.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

My. My shirt didn't rip. No, I didn't. Certainly. I didn't suddenly go from, you know. You know, regular actor. What's his name?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Bill Bixby.

[Conan O'Brien]

I didn't suddenly go from Bill Bixby to Lou Ferrigno. That's not what happened.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Lou Feringho. The GN makes like a Mia sound, like gnocchi.

[Conan O'Brien]

No. Everyone says that's not how they pronounce it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Who's they? I pronounce it Lou Ferino.

[Conan O'Brien]

How do you say Hulk? Hulk.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, Hulk. Hulk. Hulk is an English word.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's actually called Hulk because he was Danish. What? Danish.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, he's not Danish. I'm just saying DC Comics, you know.

[Conan O'Brien]

You do everything you can to mispronounce.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Things just to be Bill Bixby. That guy can make me cry. I mean, that guy. The pain. The Lonely man Theme composed by Joe Harnell when he would walk off in the distance. Bill Bixby at the end of every episode. Tell me that doesn't bring tears to your eyes, even if you're talking even like a guy like you that's always looking for the joke in this situation. When that guy walks down, he can't find companionship because he's cursed by this disease. He was exposed to gamma rays. He's cursed. He walks. He looks. He only wants companionship. He only wants to be a free man. Joe Harnell. That piano that Lonely man theme place. Tell me. Bill Bixby, and he was like a tortured soul in real life.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's Boxby.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No.

[Conan O'Brien]

What do you mean? He's a. He's a tortured soul in real life.

[Jordan Schlansky]

How do you know Bill Bixby that you could see. When you talk about an actor and their ability to emote, people think he's. Because he was on, like, a fantasy TV series, they kind of discount him. I mean, the guy was like, a genius. Tortured you. You know, there are stories about his life. He had struggles. Nevertheless, that guy was able to communicate these touching sentiments that are unheard of in a superhero genre.

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, well, listen, this is neither here nor there. I didn't get that enraged. But you did lie about how long it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

But we had a wonderful, magical dinner, I'd like to think. Yeah. Remember the bicycles on the wall? This place had bicycles. When we finally got there, it was bicycles.

[Conan O'Brien]

When we finally got there, it was nice. Yes, I. I've traveled the world with you.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I. I want to say I. Thank you for your companionship.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Oh, you're welcome. Thank you for yours.

[Conan O'Brien]

Very good. You studied Earthlings long enough to know that that's the correct response.

[Jordan Schlansky]

That was a normal exchange, right?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you practice at home with pillows? You draw faces on them?

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, I don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

And say. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. I do appreciate that. Oh, and good to see you as well, sir.

[Jordan Schlansky]

How are you?

[Conan O'Brien]

Nice. Nice to be here.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I know how humans are expected to interact. Do you understand? I've witnessed these things. Do you understand? I spend large amounts of time.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm sure you did. You know, there was. When they put you as a baby into the ship and sent you hurtling towards Earth because your own planet was exploding. You had a lot of time on screens to watch us and learn, kind of in your own way, how we interact.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I know how to play this game. Do you understand? I know. I know the rules. I know how to bend the rules. Yes, I. No one suspects a thing. That's right. I know how you all interact, and I'm happy to play in your world.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, well, just an admission here that was fantastic that you're not like us, but you've learned to blend.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, I'm not. But are any of us really like us? The collective?

[Conan O'Brien]

The rest of us in this room are like us.

[Jordan Schlansky]

There's no us. No, no, no, they're not. People have. People have their inner secrets, their inner deviations.

[Conan O'Brien]

Where would you like to go in the future with me? The future. Conan, where would you like to go? Where would you like to travel?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes. Well, in fact, I've got six.

[Conan O'Brien]

An order for six more of these travel shows. And, yeah, I'm curious, is there any, do you have any requests?

[Jordan Schlansky]

You know, I have another very special road trip that I take and I would love to share with you again in a very intimate setting. I would, I found this great combination. I would fly to Paris and I'd spend a couple days in Paris. You have your steak frites, you have your, you know, your wonderful wines, you can, you can explore the city. And then I would rent a car and drive through the French countryside. I'm talking about the Loire Valley, where you stay in castles. Now, these things are actual medieval castles that are now converted into lodging and hotels. They're not like Las Vegas, made to look medieval. And you'll stay in the turret of a castle. It's an incredibly romantic and ornate. In these large green fields. And then why do you want to.

[Conan O'Brien]

Have all these romantic experiences with me?

[Jordan Schlansky]

This is how you connect with humans.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no.

[Jordan Schlansky]

This is how you connect with humans.

[Conan O'Brien]

Romantic is how you connect with someone who you have a romantic sexual interest in.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Why sexual?

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you have a Roman. Do you have a romantic interest?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Of course I do.

[Conan O'Brien]

What are you talking about?

[Jordan Schlansky]

High romance. You ever hear of the romantics? You ever hear the new Romantics in music? The fact that you link romance with sex to me is very telling. It's very two dimensional. Things are not always so cut and dry. I believe you and I have a very romantic relationship.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, wait a minute. What, what if I said to my wife, I'm leaving on a very romantic trip with Jordan?

[Jordan Schlansky]

She would laugh, all right? She would laugh.

[Conan O'Brien]

She'd think that's silly.

[Jordan Schlansky]

That's not my business. The point is. The point. The point is absolutely, we have a romantic relationship. You like to pretend these things away. Think you find yourself in this situation. I know you didn't plan it this way. I know you didn't plan it this way. Whether or not you acknowledge it doesn't discount the fact that it exists. Okay, we drive through the Loire Valley, we drive through Burgundy, and we have local Burgundy wines. And then we drive into Switzerland through the Alps and we eat raclette and fondue. What's wrong? And raclette is a type of cheese that melts over a fire and you eat it. And, and you, you, how you get.

[Conan O'Brien]

It out of the fire, Please.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You, you, you're in the Swiss Alps. You're sitting in front of A fireplace. High romance. High romance. Driving through the mountains. And then you drive into northern Italy, across the Dolomites. And maybe you end up in a town like Venice. And you may think, oh, we've done Italy. Well, Tuscany and. And Lazio and.

[Conan O'Brien]

You mean.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, Venezia. And it's kind of. Kind of got a flavor. It's all. All of its own. And I've done this trip multiple times, often alone. I would love to share that experience. Why you always think of us galloping through the Alps.

[Conan O'Brien]

Galloping?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, galloping through the Alps. Not on the horse, but on some kind of motorized vehicle, perhaps. Well, if you're on foot.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no. You don't get into a. You don't get into a Gallivanting.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm sorry, I misspoke. But just picture us just running. Remember the sound?

[Conan O'Brien]

You don't get to a Honda Accord and gallop off into the distance. It just doesn't happen.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah, but can you envision the sentiment? I'm talking about, like, picture the Sound of Music, which was shot, of course, in Germany, but picture that in the Swiss Alps, you and I just running through the snowy mountains. No, I don't like flannel.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't picture any of that.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, we're. We're gallivanting.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, I don't want to gallivant.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, we're gallivanting in the Alps, and then at night, we're curled up in front of a fire. What are you talking about? We're wearing a blanket.

[Conan O'Brien]

We got a wolf together.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Maybe Gastad, you ever been to gesture?

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, my God, it's called stodd.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, so what I'm saying is. And then. Of course.

[Conan O'Brien]

Been there. Listen to me.

[Jordan Schlansky]

And then we have risotto and polenta in northern Italy. We stay in the mountains there. Listen to me.

[Conan O'Brien]

I am not a homophobic person at all, okay? You have to. And I think you know that about me.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I absolutely know, but I don't.

[Conan O'Brien]

I reject your advances. I reject.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm not advancing.

[Conan O'Brien]

You talk about. You just said, I'm making a proposition.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm proposing. I'm making a proposition.

[Conan O'Brien]

I call it an indecent proposal.

[Frank Smiley]

You said you wanted to curl up with him in front of a fire.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I would like to curl up with you in front of a fire. We're not intertwined. I'm not against it.

[Conan O'Brien]

What I'm saying is, I'm curled like a shrimp in my corner, and you're curled.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Let me envision this. Let me envision this. Okay. All right, all right. So There's a fire. The fireplace. We're on the floor. There's a rug. No, there's a. Yeah, there is. There's an oval rug and New York.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why is it over?

[Jordan Schlansky]

Because it'll fit both of us. It's an oval rug.

[Conan O'Brien]

We have to be together on the rug.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah. We're going to be down on the floor, and you're on the left side of the oval rug, and I'm on the right side of the oval rug.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want the right. I want the right.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay, fine. We're wearing flannel pajamas and. And we've got a fondue pot. And we're roasting our bread, drinking maybe apples. Oh, I'm glad you asked. You know, Switzerland has some great wines. They're very expensive. In fact, many Swiss will buy, like, Italian wines because you don't worry about the expense. You're, like, concentrating on the wrong things. Our bodily positions are not necessarily important.

[Conan O'Brien]

What's important here, to me, they are very important.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I mean, you want us.

[Conan O'Brien]

You said we're curled up now to everyone in the room. That means we're together. Our bodies are touching, spooning.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Well, not necessarily. Possibly. If we. Yeah. Oh.

[Conan O'Brien]

If they are touching. Which areas are touching?

[Jordan Schlansky]

I don't care. These are. You're dwelling on the wrong things. I am.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think I'm dwelling on very important facts.

[Jordan Schlansky]

If our body should touch, I. I don't even necessarily notice it. I. It could happen accidentally. That's not my goal or. Nor am I trying to avoid it. The point is, here we sit in Los Angeles in an urban environment. Now, picture. This is the wonder of travel. Picture us now in the Swiss Alps, curled up in front of a fire together.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. I can't picture it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

I think the most I can picture is that I'm in an armchair, a leather armchair on one side of the room. You're on a leather armchair on the other side of the room that just.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Seems so distant, almost like you're trying to avoid me.

[Conan O'Brien]

I like it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And also, I want, like, a Japanese screen between us. And that's it.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

And then I. I just find. I find your description to be a little strange. That's all.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes, well, I have specific tower castles that I have stayed in, and I would love to spend time in with you. And just picture large fields in France. Running through the fields.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why are we running? I don't want to run through a field. There's a gopher hole. You break your.

[Jordan Schlansky]

What I'm saying is, when you see a large expanse of Green grass. Okay. France is like a green country. Isn't that doesn't seem like a green country to you? Like, do you see colors when you. Like, if I say, like the number. Like, if I say 1983, do you see yellow?

[Conan O'Brien]

Nope.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No. If I say the 1990s, do you see red?

[Conan O'Brien]

How long have you experiencing these headaches?

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, what I'm saying is you don't associate color with different words or places.

[Conan O'Brien]

I don't. I don't. I mean, yeah, if you say brown, I think of the color brown. If you say yellow, I think of the color yellow. But if you say 1983, I don't think of yellow.

[Jordan Schlansky]

You don't think of yellow?

[Conan O'Brien]

Why would you think of yellow?

[Jordan Schlansky]

1985, red. 1986, blue. 1987, green. 1988, yellow again. Okay, 1989, red again. You don't. You don't see that?

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm pulling the ripcord, okay? I'm getting us out of here.

[Jordan Schlansky]

No, no, this is not a joke. This is a real thing. I see. I see colors.

[Conan O'Brien]

There's no. There's no way.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Analyzes. Frank, get this analyzed. When I. When I see certain words or places. Okay, France is a green country. I picture large green fields. And you and I just running through the fields.

[Conan O'Brien]

Mri. You need to have an mri. Okay, you have an mri, and they need to inject dye, and then they need to do kind of imaging where they can see.

[Jordan Schlansky]

That's called with contract. Yeah, Magnetic resonance imaging.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Then you'll see the colors as opposed.

[Jordan Schlansky]

To computerized axial tomography, a CAT scan. Do you know laser stands for light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation? Do you know that SCUBA stands for self Contained Underwater Breathing apparatus?

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you know that? We're out of time. Means I'm ending this right now.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thank you very much, Jordan. It's been a really great episode of the Conan and Jordan Show. Or it's been an episode of sorts. I don't know. That's a great one. What are we playing right now? Oh, this is the Lonely man theme.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Look for the piano version by Joe. Oh, yes. Oh, my gosh. Are you okay? It's. Yeah. It's consuming me.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is. This is the song they would play with Bill Bixby as Bruce Banner.

[Jordan Schlansky]

David Banner in the TV series. Bruce Banner in the comics changed on purpose. The series creator. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

And you. He's walking away.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

And he's alone. Because if anything infuriates him, he turns into the Hulk.

[Jordan Schlansky]

He can't exist in human society.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. This is the theme that should play when you wander alone in Europe with no one to talk to. And when you rent a castle and there's a fireplace and some cheese, but I'm not there, there's no one to cuddle with. Of course, you forgot to invite your wife, who by the way, is very beautiful and cool, but you didn't think to bring her with you on this romantic getaway because you thought maybe your podcast co host would be there. And it's very sad. This is the song that plays. This has been a very emotional episode. The Conan and Jordan show we'll see you next time. Good night.

[Frank Smiley]

The Conan and Jordan show with Conan O'Brien and Jordan Schlansky is produced by me, Frank Smiley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Jim McClure engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez. Our supervising producer is Andrew Gruse. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista and Brit Kahn. The theme song is Tom Sawyer by Rush. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan and Jordan? Call the team Coco Hotline [phone] and leave a message. It too could be featured featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. And be sure to subscribe and tune into Conan O'Brien radio channel 104 on SiriusXM.

[Jordan Schlansky]

All set for your flight?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yep, I've got everything I need.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Eye mask, neck pillow, T Mobile headphones.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait.

[Jordan Schlansky]

T Mobile?

[Conan O'Brien]

You bet.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Free in flight wi fi 15% off all Hilton brands. I never go anywhere without T Mobile.

[Conan O'Brien]

Same goes from a water bottle, chewing gum, nail clippers.

[Jordan Schlansky]

I'm gonna leave you to it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Find out how you can experience travel better@t mobile.com Travel qualifying plan required.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Wi Fi were available on select US airlines. Deposit and Hilton honors membership required for 15% discount.

[Conan O'Brien]

Terms and conditions apply anywhere else.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Tuesday is just. Well, Tuesday. But if you're at kfc, Tuesday is ten dollars Tuesday.

[Conan O'Brien]

Which means you can get eight hot.

[Jordan Schlansky]

Juicy drums and thighs for just ten bucks. Let me say that again. Eight pieces of hot juicy original recipe chicken hand breaded in 11 herbs and spices, all for just 10 bucks. Every Tuesday. Only at KFC. Guess Tuesday isn't just Tuesday anymore. It's finger licking. Good prices and participation may vary. Tax tips and fees extra.