The Last DVD Store

Summary

Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend – Episode: "The Last DVD Store"

Hosted by Conan O’Brien, this episode of "Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend" delves into the nostalgic and challenging world of DVD rental stores through an engaging conversation with James, a duty manager at Alice in Video Land in Christchurch, New Zealand.

---

1. Introducing James and Alice in Video Land

[01:14]
Conan O’Brien welcomes James, expressing excitement about meeting someone who manages one of the last remaining DVD rental stores. James introduces himself as the duty manager at Alice in Video Land, emphasizing the store's unique position in the modern digital age.

James:
"The Probably the last DVD higher place in the country, if not the world. So. Oh, the name is Alice in Video Land."
[02:10]

2. The Operation of Alice in Video Land

James explains that Alice in Video Land specializes exclusively in DVDs, refraining from selling videos. The store is complemented by two small cinemas, which help sustain its operations by attracting movie enthusiasts who may rent DVDs after watching films at the theaters.

James:
"We have two cinemas, which definitely helps keep the place afloat. So we've got like two small cinemas that, you know, people come out to and then they can rent a DVD on their way out if they want."
[02:43]

3. Navigating the Streaming Era

Conan and James discuss the dwindling customer base due to the rise of streaming services. While the store still attracts older customers, the shift towards digital consumption poses significant challenges.

James:
"Old people tend to be blunt. So, you know, occasionally someone will come in and return one and say, I just found this online so I didn't need to watch it."
[16:03]

Conan humorously remarks on the situation:

Conan:
"That's a big seismic change. It's like someone coming to the stables in like the first Model T and saying, I won't be coming here anymore."
[16:24]

4. The Store’s Film Selection and Management

A significant portion of the conversation centers on James's boss, Peter, and his unconventional taste in movies. Peter's preference for obscure and less popular films has led to conflicts over the store's "Wall of 500 Greatest Movies."

James:
"If I was to name them, you probably wouldn't have even heard of them because they're so obscure and boring. So, like Ray and Liz is a British one."
[06:22]

Conan pokes fun at one of Peter's favored films:

Conan:
"That is called Irish pornography. A woman peeling potatoes."
[06:51]

James defends the selection humorously:

James:
"I totally arranged that kind of peep show."
[06:55]

Despite these quirky choices, James acknowledges the difficulty in balancing Peter's tastes with what appeals to a broader audience.

James:
"It's pure action. But, you know, there's nothing to ponder. Like someone peeling potatoes is so..."
[07:45]

5. Aspiring Filmmaker Dreams

Beyond managing the store, James shares his aspirations to follow in the footsteps of renowned New Zealand filmmakers like Taika Waititi and Jane Campion. He hopes to carve out his own path in writing and directing, leveraging his experience with the extensive collection of films at Alice in Video Land.

James:
"My aspirations are to, I guess, follow in the footsteps of Taika Waititi or Jane Campion and become a writer director myself."
[20:59]

Conan encourages James, suggesting a potential collaboration to boost his filmmaking career:

Conan:
"If I could be of help, maybe we could make a short film with me. Right?"
[22:10]

6. Daily Life and Personal Touches

The conversation takes a lighter turn as James introduces Conan to his cats, MJ and Taonga. James shares anecdotes about their arrival and how they add companionship to his life, especially in the solitary world of film management.

James:
"Their names are MJ and Taonga. Taonga is a Maori name. I inherited them from my neighbors who, when they moved out, these cats were always at mine. And so they just said, do you want to keep them?"
[28:37]

Conan humorously teases James about his feline friends:

Conan:
"Cat incest porn now at Alice in Video Land."
[28:35]

7. Final Thoughts and Goodbyes

As the episode wraps up, James expresses gratitude for the conversation, highlighting how Conan's podcast has been a beacon of light during challenging times.

James:
"Your podcast has been a continual source of light heartedness and relief. And you in particular, Conan, as much as I don't want to single out, thank you."
[27:11]

Conan reciprocates the sentiment, expressing genuine admiration for James and his dedication to keeping the DVD store alive.

Conan:
"James, you seem like a very nice fellow, and I would relish a chance to see one of the world's last DVD rental stores before it closes in 40 minutes forever."
[25:42]

---

Notable Quotes:

• Conan O’Brien: "That is called Irish pornography. A woman peeling potatoes."
  [06:51]

• James: "We are very people pleasing."
  [04:54]

• Conan O’Brien: "I'm telling you, people like it. Hey, you want a little peekeroo?"
  [25:45]

• James: "Like records, right? Physical media records made a comeback."
  [16:45]

• Conan O’Brien: "You have the gift of the Gabby."
  [18:35]

---

Insights and Conclusions:

This episode highlights the resilience and passion required to sustain traditional forms of media in an increasingly digital world. James's commitment to maintaining Alice in Video Land serves as a homage to the bygone era of physical media, underscoring the cultural and personal significance these stores hold for both operators and loyal customers. Through candid dialogue and humor, Conan and James explore the intersection of nostalgia, business challenges, and personal dreams, offering listeners a heartfelt glimpse into the life of one of the last DVD rental stores.

For those who cherish the tangible experience of renting and viewing films, this episode is a poignant reminder of the evolving landscape of media consumption and the enduring spirit of those who strive to keep traditional formats alive.

Transcript

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[Conan O'Brien]

Good Burger.

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Read it carefully.

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[Conan O'Brien]

Distributor.

[Sona Movsesian]

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com callconan okay, let's get started.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hi James.

[Matt Gourley]

Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan.

[James]

Hello. Oh my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hi James. How are you?

[James]

I'm great, thanks. This is. Yep, I'm gonna be speechless for a little bit, but I've amazed to meet you three.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I think it's 80% me and then there's 10% and 10%. But anyway, you three listen, the important thing. Yes, James, you're meeting Conan O'Brien and then some ancillary characters. I think that's how this story unfolds. It's very nice to see you, James. And where are you right now in this crazy world that we live in? Where are you?

[James]

I'm away from an Utah down south near Antarctica from Otahe, which is Christchurch, New Zealand.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, Christchurch, New Zealand.

[James]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay. I've never been to New Zealand and well, maybe I would do that someday. And tell us a little bit about yourself, James. What do you do for a living?

[James]

Well, to pay the rent, I work at a. The probably the last DVD higher place in the country, if not the world. So. Oh, the name is Alice in Video Land. Even though there's no more videos, it's all DVDs.

[Conan O'Brien]

But that's coff called Alice in Video Land. But you don't even sell videos. You sell DVDs no, right.

[James]

We don't. We just rent. We still rent them. Like we're.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[James]

You know.

[Conan O'Brien]

And is there next door to you, is there a shop that sells butter churns?

[James]

Well, yes, I mean it's alive and well in Christchurch. So.

[Conan O'Brien]

So wait, so you work at a DVD rental shop and a lot of customers come in still, even though so many things are streaming?

[James]

Well, I mean, yeah, I wouldn't say a lot, but we also have two cinemas, which definitely helps keep the place afloat. So we've got like two small cinemas that, you know, people come out to and then they can rent a DVD on their way out if they want.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, I see, so there's an attached cinema. When you say small cinema, are we talking dirty movies? Like a little room with a couple of chairs?

[Sona Movsesian]

Why does your mind go there?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I'm just curious because I might.

[James]

Want to go with the Internet. So still probably one of those blocks.

[Matt Gourley]

Away and you're going to go all the way to New Zealand?

[Conan O'Brien]

I want to go to one of those places where the little peep show. I want to see a peep show. I never got to see one of those. They shut them down and it was all online. I want to see a peep show.

[James]

Well, yeah, we don't have that, but I guess I could see what I could arrange.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, James, that would make you a pimp, so. No, I. James, don't. Don't start offering to arrange something. That's a mistake. Okay, so, okay, James. Christchurch, New Zealand and Gateway to Antapsca. And you, what did you say to me just then?

[James]

Gateway to Antarctica. That's what we know now.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, Gateway. You said it so quickly, didn't it? Was hard to hear.

[Matt Gourley]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

You went Gateway on Kotka and I thought that was the suburb you lived in. Where do you live? It's a very distinct accent, the New Zealand accent, isn't it?

[James]

Yes, I guess so. I mean, you can tell me. I'm surrounded by it, so I don't really. It's like a fish in water.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, I can hear your accent.

[Sona Movsesian]

I know your little sounds distinctive. Isn't the way you talk weird?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I'm sorry, that's exactly what you're saying. I think that I'm speaking normally and you're saying so. Yeah, and I think anyone in New Zealand would agree with me. Now tell me about this dvd.

[James]

We are very people pleasing, so probably, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh good, I like that. Tell me about the DVD rental shop. You said it's called Alice in Video Land.

[James]

Video Land. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay.

[James]

It was started in the 80s, which is why it's video land. And it's probably. It was literally one of the first. And it's probably the only one left hanging on now. And. Yeah, we've just been in operation for longer than I've been alive.

[Matt Gourley]

God bless you. Keeping it alive. I love it.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Keeping it alive. Do you.

[James]

We have all the James Fonds for you, Gorley.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'll be right there. Even in the.

[James]

Tina Sully's Casino Royale with Orson Welles and all of those. That crazy one.

[Matt Gourley]

Wow.

[Conan O'Brien]

So I have a question. Do you run the store?

[James]

No, I just like a duty manager. There's two owners, Karen and Pete. And then there's about four or five staff, of which I am one. So it's just like a small operation.

[Conan O'Brien]

And do you get along with your bosses?

[James]

I do, but, you know, there's. Peter certainly has opinions about things. Like we have a wall of 500 greatest movies of all time. And he's continually messing with that and putting in things that he likes, maybe.

[Conan O'Brien]

Like what?

[Matt Gourley]

Like what does he take out and put in?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[James]

Give us an example of.

[Conan O'Brien]

You don't quite agree with your boss Peter's taste in films. What are some of the films that he reveres that you're not so high on?

[James]

Well, if I was to name them, you probably wouldn't have even heard of them because they're so obscure and boring. So, like Ray and Liz is a British one. I don't want to denigrate these filmmakers. It's just not my taste a lot of the time. There's another one, Gene Dillman, which you might know because it pops the sight and sound number one. Like just three hours of a French lady peeling potatoes.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I like the potato part. To me, that is pornography.

[James]

Oh, my God.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's called Irish pornography. A woman peeling potatoes.

[James]

I totally arranged that kind of peep show.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, that's the peep show. I would go to. You put a nickel in. There's a woman there just, you know, just peeling potatoes. I'm like, so. Well, I'm sorry. That's my excited face.

[Matt Gourley]

Oh, God.

[James]

I thought that scenery face you've made, but apparently not.

[Conan O'Brien]

I know. I've always have another face coming. So Peter likes really obscure films. He's your boss, and you're probably, as a younger person, maybe like more contemporary films.

[Matt Gourley]

What's taken out of there? That's what I want to hear.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. What are the things he takes down off the wall?

[James]

The most recent? Well, I mean, it was a Real effort to even get him to get Mad Max Fury Road on there. He does not like that movie.

[Conan O'Brien]

How can you not like Mad Max Fury Road? It's an instant classic.

[James]

I know. It's just. It's like pure action. But, you know, there's no. I guess because it's pure action and there's nothing to ponder. Like someone peeling potatoes is so.

[Conan O'Brien]

Would he.

[James]

Dork.

[Conan O'Brien]

Would he like. What about some of the new.

[James]

Wouldn't he be fired? But. Oh, well, that's okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Please.

[Matt Gourley]

I'm sure there's another DVD store right.

[Conan O'Brien]

Around the corner to get a job. Those things are a dime a dozen.

[Sona Movsesian]

You said that's okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Don't worry about it. It's not my problem. I'm employed. Hi. I'm a sociopath. So, James, what about, like, the John Wick movies? Would Peter be okay with those?

[James]

I'm not sure if he likes those. They're not in the 500s.

[Conan O'Brien]

Everybody likes the John Wick movies. John Wick used a horse to kill his enemies. Remember that? When he put a blanket over the horse's head and aimed the horse's ass at his enemies and then pulled and got it to kick. He used a horse as a weapon. It was fantastic. That's the greatest.

[James]

Oh, no. Yes, you're right. I do remember that now. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

How could you forget it?

[James]

Sorry. Because.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you confuse it with the movie where Judy Garland used a horse to kill someone? Wow. Okay. So Peter. I have major issues with Peter, I have to say.

[James]

Is this like boss on boss beef?

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, I just think Peter is maybe hurting.

[James]

It's gonna.

[Conan O'Brien]

What could be a very thriving DVD store with the name video in the title. I think he's hurting it with his obscure tastes and I think he needs to appeal to the masses.

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Do you even have Blu Ray or.

[Matt Gourley]

Is it just dvd?

[James]

We do, but New Zealand is like. We're still far. We never really properly made the transition over to Blu Ray, so it's mainly DVDs.

[Sona Movsesian]

Do you have any videos at all?

[James]

We have some decorative ones just placed around.

[Conan O'Brien]

You have decorative videos?

[James]

The only way they can be worth anything.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, Tell me about the customers that come into this store.

[James]

They are you. You know, I hope none of my customers or my boss sees this. They will. It's fine. They are older for sure.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. You didn't need to tell me that. They've never heard of a computer.

[James]

No, no. Like to sign up people. You don't have to get their email. And the amount of them who are like, I don't have email. Wow. Alarming. So we did lose a few DVDs that way because we can just never find them. And they disappear off the grid.

[Conan O'Brien]

Well, my guess is they die.

[James]

Yeah. Yeah, There's a lot of that as well. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Really? Someone signs out a DVD for the movie Flubber, and then they don't bring it back. And you go by their apartment and you see them carrying them.

[Matt Gourley]

Their store is how they find out most people die.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Yeah. Was this DVD returned? No. Oh, God, help them.

[James]

Yeah, they'll track them down and one of their children will.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. The police must use you regularly as a source. Who hasn't returned to DVD lately? Well, Mr. Robinson hasn't. On 303 Primrose Lane. Well, he's dead.

[James]

Yeah. That's far more frequent.

[Conan O'Brien]

Sona, when you take a big trip with the family, and I know that you love to travel, and your kids are getting old enough now where they like to travel, too.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yeah, that's true.

[Conan O'Brien]

Who looks after the house?

[Sona Movsesian]

That's the thing. Nobody. And so I've actually been toying with the idea of maybe, you know, putting my house up on Airbnb, making some extra cash, having someone there.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's like you're hosting people.

[Sona Movsesian]

Exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's like you're getting paid to travel. You can use the money that you get from putting your house up on Airbnb to help finance your trip.

[Sona Movsesian]

Exactly. And you know what? There's people there that are looking after my relics.

[Conan O'Brien]

You have. A lot of people don't know this, but Sona has a lot of ancient Greek relics. Etruscan relics.

[Sona Movsesian]

Yes, exactly.

[Conan O'Brien]

You have a lot of sculpture from the Assyrian Empire. Sona has billions and billions of dollars worth of ancient, ancient artifacts that have never even been looked at by archaeologists.

[Sona Movsesian]

They should all be in a museum.

[Conan O'Brien]

They really should be.

[James]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Sona Movsesian]

This is so passive aggressive because it's just you and your wife. Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

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[Conan O'Brien]

Do you ever have a customer come in an older customer, and while they're there, they find out that it's easy to stream most movies?

[James]

Yeah, well, not while they're there, but, you know, old people tend to be blunt. So, you know, occasionally someone will come in and return one and say, I just found this online so I didn't need to watch it. So see ya. So that can definitely happen once their children usually introduce them or set them up with some kind of Netflix account or something.

[Conan O'Brien]

Right. That's a big seismic change. It's like someone coming to the stables in like the first Model T and saying, I won't be coming here anymore. I've got this contraption. It just shows you that things are moving on. But I have faith that this store is going to thrive.

[James]

Yeah, it's like records, right? Physical Media records made a comeback.

[Matt Gourley]

Are you a physical media person?

[James]

Yeah, absolutely. It's been like a film education for me because we've got all the old movies, so there are. I should, you know, there are a lot of old movies that you struggle to find on streaming that we have because we've been around for so long and because the nature of streaming is a bit more diffuse now. We do actually get some people sort of not bothering with streaming and just coming in and getting. Because we've got all the movies so they can just come in and read the movies of us instead of streaming to like five different services. So there is that advantage. If I was to make a plug. Oh, okay, let's go.

[Conan O'Brien]

That's the most anemic plugs. You sounded like you were dying as you said it, like it was your last breath. I'm intrigued. I'm intrigued by this store. Do you think I would be of much help at the DVD store?

[James]

Yeah. Yep. Absolutely. Your sales skills are, I'm sure.

[Conan O'Brien]

Why I think you would be an attraction.

[James]

You know, you'd be a. Like a.

[Matt Gourley]

Like a used car balloon.

[James]

Yeah, yeah. Out the front. No. I don't know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Come see the freak and then maybe get a dvd. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, I'm a human being. I'm a man.

[James]

Well, if you have a better idea, like, you know, I'd willingly take.

[Conan O'Brien]

Actually, I don't. It could be come see the Conan and then maybe get a DVD while you're there. I do. I think I am a pretty good salesman. I'm a good talker.

[Sona Movsesian]

Okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I think.

[James]

And so you've got the gift of the gab.

[Conan O'Brien]

I've got the gift of the Gabby.

[Sona Movsesian]

I mean, do you need, what do you need, do you need to sell? I mean, are they, aren't they coming in having an idea of like, I'm going to rent a DVD today? You're.

[James]

Yes, but we also get the cinema people coming in, so, you know, you've got to try and convert them to DVD sales customers.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes, yes.

[Sona Movsesian]

Do you sell DVD players?

[James]

Oh, we do rent out DVD players for those that don't have them anymore.

[Matt Gourley]

How often do you rent out DVD players?

[Conan O'Brien]

You know, you rent a lot of DVD players as well because you'd kind of have to, wouldn't you?

[James]

It's like, you know, New Zealanders are very people pleasing and they don't want to cause a fuss so they'll polite. You know, when I'm showing them a DVD after they've seen a movie, they might be like, oh, this looks really interesting. But I don't have a DVD player, unfortunately. It's like, oh, it's okay. We've got one you can borrow right here.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait a minute. Then why the hell did they come into the store? For the movies.

[James]

For the movie, you know.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you know how I see first.

[Matt Gourley]

Run movies or they're like a curated art house kind of thing.

[James]

We tend to play more like, yeah, independent art house, foreign kind of movies. We do like, we played Furiosa, so we do. And we'll play James Bond movies when they come out. So things worth a bit of cinema.

[Conan O'Brien]

Do you sell any snacks at the cinema?

[James]

We do, yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

What do you have?

[James]

We've got warm nuts. We've got ice cream, we've got popcorn.

[Conan O'Brien]

Did you say warm nuts?

[James]

I did. What kind of movie house this?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, Warm nuts. No one has sold warm nuts at a movie theater. At movie theater since Dillinger was shot outside of one.

[James]

Well, yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Would you like some warm nuts before you go into this cinnamonogram?

[James]

We still have like a little statue of like a, you know the boys that used to go around with the carts of like lollies and stuff. We, we have one of those in the shop as well. Like a statue, not like an actual boy that still does that.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no, no.

[James]

We can't afford that.

[Conan O'Brien]

You're not allowed. And also not a good idea to have a lot of little boys around with lollies. I just think it's a bad idea. Well, you just. I don't know, you know, lead to trouble. That's all I'm gonna say. What are your aspirations, if you have any beyond the DVD store? What would you. Where do you see yourself in an ideal world in 10 years? And maybe it is you, maybe it's the DVD store. I don't know.

[James]

Yeah, no, my aspirations are to, I guess, follow in the footsteps of, like, a Taika Waititi or Jane Campion and become a writer director myself. So.

[Conan O'Brien]

Very cool. You have good taste. Those are great, great artists.

[James]

Thank you. Well, you know, they're Kiwis, so I've got to, you know, support the local and. And, you know, they're definitely like trailblazers if they see. I guess New Zealand is a little bit over. Represent. Represented in Hollywood. Now that we're very small, but we do have quite a few people that have. Seeming to break through, which is promising. So, yeah, I'm just hoping to follow in their footsteps and make my own. So I make my own short films and do business.

[Conan O'Brien]

Have you made some short films?

[James]

Yes, I have, and I'm in the middle of editing one right now.

[Matt Gourley]

Do they let you show them at the cinema there?

[James]

Yeah, they probably will. There's not a lot of. Yeah, yeah, no, I think they will. It'll be like, I'll probably have a private screen.

[Conan O'Brien]

So the answer up until now is no, but maybe in the future. You know, James, I am known worldwide and I've done a little bit of acting. And so if I could be of help, maybe we could make a short film with me, Right?

[James]

Absolutely.

[Conan O'Brien]

And that might put you on the map. I mean, I am much in demand in Hollywood, and when I say much in demand, no offers yet. And I live in Hollywood.

[James]

Well, but.

[Conan O'Brien]

But I. But I. But. But I'd be willing to. If it was a very short film, I'd be willing to make a film with you, and I think it might be your ticket to the big time.

[James]

Absolutely. I was. Yeah, jump on that. I make them with my friend who's a cinematographer. He's got all the gear, and I do the writing and the sort of directing and stuff and. Yeah, absolutely. We would come up with a scenario.

[Conan O'Brien]

Can you think of what kind of role I could play? Just off the top of your head.

[James]

Give it a shot like the other Irishman. So maybe you're not the Mum Scorsese one, but maybe you got on the wrong boat and you ended up in New Zealand instead of New York.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wait, so not the Martin Scorsese Irishman who's a stone cold killer? I got on the wrong boat and.

[James]

Where did I go? You ended up in Christchurch.

[Conan O'Brien]

So I went to New Zealand when I was trying to go to New York.

[James]

New York? Yeah. And so you're trying to make the best of your situation while you're here and see if anyone needs a hitman.

[Conan O'Brien]

You shut up. Just so I'm an idiot who mistook the sign for New York and got on the boat to New Zealand, and then I'm offering my services as a hitman around Christchurch? Is that the idea? Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

You just read the sign that started with new and that'll do.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, Yeah, I got as far as new. Yeah, yeah, new. I don't need to read the rest. That must mean York.

[Matt Gourley]

This is the script. You're writing it right now.

[Conan O'Brien]

This is fantastic. I love that. I'm very impatient. I have add. I didn't read. I didn't. After I saw New, I assumed the rest was York, but it was Zealand.

[James]

And instead of. And after three, you thought you were spending three months on a boat, but it was actually six months, so you're probably a little bit antsy by the time you arrive.

[Conan O'Brien]

And I noticed that it just was going south and south and south. I was like, this is odd.

[James]

You round Cape Horn through this Antarctic seas.

[Conan O'Brien]

That time I understood Antarctic.

[James]

Well, you guys say Antarctic, don't you?

[Conan O'Brien]

All right, listen. Don't you come after me, all right?

[James]

Well, I'm just saying. It's like, you say herb instead of herb. There's an H in front of it.

[Sona Movsesian]

He's not wrong.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's a soft G. Softest rhyme.

[Sona Movsesian]

Fuck you, too.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no, no, it's. Fuck you.

[James]

Thanks, son.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's a soft f. Oh, my God. So I've really liked talking.

[James]

Similarities between you and my boss? No, sorry, just Karen.

[Sona Movsesian]

He's a real Peter, this guy.

[Matt Gourley]

No, a huge Peter.

[Sona Movsesian]

You're a huge Peter.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, maybe I might like this Peter. You know, maybe sometimes there needs to be an alpha who's a little bit older and prefers women peeling potatoes to Mad Fury Road. So I like this guy. Listen, I think we could do good work together. And so I hope one day we meet. I really do. James, you seem like a very nice fellow, and I would relish a chance to see one of the world's last DVD rental stores before it closes in 40 minutes forever.

[James]

Well, maybe your peep show idea will keep us going a little bit.

[Conan O'Brien]

I'm telling you, people like it. Hey, you want a little peekeroo?

[Sona Movsesian]

You know, go to a public place to watch porn.

[James]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yes. People have lost now. Everyone watches it on their own, on their own devices at home. The whole idea of porn was to bring people together and see it in a big theater.

[James]

We still have some old customers who haven't, you know, because they don't know the Internet. They do still like. We do still have like Debbie Does Dallas and things like that. And they.

[Matt Gourley]

Is that on the top 500?

[Conan O'Brien]

So you have. You have some customers that come and want to watch porn in the theater.

[James]

And, you know, I'm renting them out. You really had to own your sort of guilt and shame back in the day. I guess, like you can just.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[James]

Alone in your room, go on the Internet.

[Conan O'Brien]

Hey, as long as you're wearing a raincoat, who's the wiser?

[James]

Oh, golly.

[Conan O'Brien]

Any hoots, James. What a terrible ending to an otherwise wonderful, wonderful interview. I wish you well. Please give my best to the other Kiwis and I salute New Zealand. And you are a very talented people and I'm glad that. And you seem like a very good fellow and I just. I wish you nothing but the best.

[James]

Nice. Is that Guinness or Coke?

[Conan O'Brien]

This is a Coke. I don't think I'm allowed to say what it is because. Wait, am I allowed to say this is a Coke Zero? Yes.

[James]

Nice.

[Conan O'Brien]

No calories here.

[James]

No. But can I also say I'm a. I've just a general thank you to you three because obviously with being a struggling artist and then the pandemic and everything, times can be a little stressful. And your podcast has, like, just been a continual source of light heartedness and relief. And you in particular, Conan, as much as I don't want to single out, and then don't give you props, thank you. You've been like the basis for. I've maybe been passing your jokes off. Well, not really. Everyone knows the Simpsons, but basically since the Simpsons.

[Conan O'Brien]

Oh, thank you.

[James]

Me and my friends have been saying your jokes to each other forever.

[Conan O'Brien]

Thank you.

[James]

And all the friends that I told were like monorail.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. I'm glad I took you and your friends down a few notches.

[James]

Yeah.

[Conan O'Brien]

But give them all my best and one day maybe we meet. That would be a lot of fun.

[James]

I would love that. Yeah, you're welcome. Anytime.

[Conan O'Brien]

James, quick question. Behind you. I see two cats. They've.

[James]

Yes.

[Conan O'Brien]

It's a little bit of a distraction because they were, I think, cleaning themselves aggressively.

[Matt Gourley]

And each other.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, and each other. Tell me about your cats.

[James]

Well, their brother and sister. Their names are MJ and T. Yeah. I just probably shouldn't.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, I don't need. I don't. I don't like that they're brother and sister. Now this is getting real.

[Matt Gourley]

Game of Thronesy.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sona Movsesian]

This is the porn.

[James]

Yeah.

[Matt Gourley]

How much for this dvd?

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah.

[James]

Cat.

[Conan O'Brien]

Cat incest porn now at Alice in Video Land.

[James]

So they new genre.

[Conan O'Brien]

What are their names?

[James]

MJ and Taonga. Taonga is a Maori name. I inherited them from my neighbors who, when they moved out, these cats were always at mine. And so they just said, do you want to keep them? And I said, okay.

[Conan O'Brien]

Wonderful pet owners. Well, why don't you just keep them? We could put them in the moving van, but it's like 15ft that way. So we'll just leave these living creatures. Creatures with you. Well, they seem like nice cats.

[James]

They're very nice. I'm very happy to have their company. You know, being a writer can be a lonely existence sometimes, so it's good.

[Conan O'Brien]

To have them around. Do you ever talk to them and feel like they're talking back?

[James]

Yeah, I sing to them and you know, usually, I mean, as a sign of how insecure I am, it's like in the morning because I don't have a cat door, I have to put them out and they're meowing at the door and I'm trying to explain to them that I have to go to work to earn money so I can pay for their food. And they just look at me like, you know, fuck you. Why are you putting us outside?

[Conan O'Brien]

That's not just them. That's all cats. Cats are just nerve endings with some fur.

[Matt Gourley]

Okay, take it easy.

[Conan O'Brien]

They don't give a shit about anything. You know, before sky. Yeah, it's so true.

[Matt Gourley]

Take it easy.

[Conan O'Brien]

Yeah, sorry.

[Matt Gourley]

Fucking like a couple of dog loving sociopaths.

[Conan O'Brien]

No, no. I've been around plenty of cats and they just.

[James]

Not a good crowd.

[Conan O'Brien]

There's no humanity. And they're sleeping now, and so it's nice. Maybe you'll sing to them tonight. What will you sing to them when it is time to sing to the cats?

[James]

Just like show tunes and things like that. Just, I'm not a good singer, so I'm not going to sing.

[Conan O'Brien]

Okay, well, I'm gonna wrap this up, but I wish you all the best. I really do, and I hope our paths cross soon.

[James]

That would be. You know, this has already surpassed all my expectations, so that would just be My head might explode. That would be amazing.

[Conan O'Brien]

I want to be there when your head explodes. It's the nicest thing I've said to anybody. All right, James, you take care.

[James]

Thanks, James.

[Conan O'Brien]

Bye Bye.

[James]

Thanks. So to admit as well Conan O'Brien.

[Matt Gourley]

Needs a fan with Conan O'Brien Sonom of Cession and Matt Corley produced by me, Matt Gourlay executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away.

[Sona Movsesian]

Jimmy.

[Matt Gourley]

Supervising Producer Aaron Blaird Associate Talent Producer Jennifer Samples Associate Producers Sean Dougherty and Lisa Berm Engineering by eduardo Perez get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM, please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a fan Wherever fine podcasts are done.

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[James]

Good.

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