Podcast
Confessions of a Parent Coach
Hosted by Ann Kaplan, Parent Coach · EN
Welcome to Confessions of a Parent Coach, the podcast where you'll learn that even parenting experts like me, Ann Kaplan, mother of four, and your host won't have all the answers. I believe that once you realize there's no such thing as a perfect parent, you can achieve fabulous behavior and amazing relationships with your kids.
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Why Retreats Change Us: The Hidden Cost of Staying "Nearsighted" in Life & Parenting
1w ago00:26:07Tap to summarizeWhat if the thing you keep talking yourself out of is actually the thing your soul needs most? In this deeply personal episode of Confessions of a Parent Coach, I'm unpacking a question I genuinely don't have a perfectly polished answer for yet: Why do we so often say yes to things that drain us… and no to the things that could truly nourish and transform us? As I prepare for my annual parenting and personal growth retreat in Michigan, I found myself reflecting on the strange psychology behind decision-making, self-investment, and the stories we tell ourselves about what we can and cannot justify. Why does a girls' trip feel easy to say yes to, but a transformational retreat feels "indulgent"? Why do we resist the very experiences that could help us reconnect with ourselves, our relationships, and the lives we actually want to live? In this episode, I share honest stories from my own life — from parenting through residential treatment with my son, to missed opportunities I still think about years later, to the orange vintage hoodie I absolutely should have bought. (Yes, really.) This conversation is about more than retreats. It's about the way we become emotionally "nearsighted" when making decisions. It's about fear, scarcity, self-worth, burnout, and learning how to zoom out enough to see the bigger picture of our lives. If you've ever: Talked yourself out of something your heart wanted Struggled to prioritize yourself as a parent Felt guilty investing in your own growth Wondered why you keep choosing survival over fulfillment Craved deeper connection, clarity, or transformation …this episode will speak directly to you. I also share why immersive retreat experiences create a kind of transformation that weekly therapy, coaching, or quick self-help fixes simply cannot replicate. From nervous system regulation and mindfulness to Enneagram work, Internal Family Systems (IFS), relationship healing, and meaningful connection — this is the kind of work that changes how you parent, partner, communicate, and live. In This Episode, We Explore: Why humans make emotionally irrational decisions The concept of "nearsightedness" in personal growth Retreats vs. vacations: what makes them transformational Parenting burnout and emotional depletion How immersive experiences accelerate healing and clarity The power of connection, reflection, and nervous system reset Why investing in yourself impacts every relationship in your life Enneagram insights for self-awareness and parenting The role of mindfulness, coaching, and retreat work in emotional wellness About This Year's Retreat This year's retreat theme is Connection — beginning with your relationship to yourself and expanding outward into your relationships with your children, partner, family, and the world around you. We'll be weaving together: The Enneagram Internal Family Systems (IFS) Anatomy of Peace principles Mindfulness and guided reflection Nature, movement, conversation, and deep connection If you've been feeling emotionally exhausted, disconnected, overwhelmed, or stuck in survival mode as a parent, this retreat is designed to help you reconnect with yourself in a way that creates lasting change. SAVE YOUR SPOT TO THE RETREAT HERE Connect with Me I'm Ann Kaplan — parent coach, speaker, Enneagram practitioner, and mom of four. I help parents create healthier relationships, stronger communication, and more emotional freedom inside their families and within themselves. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend, leave a review, and send me a message about where you might be feeling emotionally nearsighted in your life right now. Because sometimes the thing we keep postponing… is the very thing that could change everything.
Transcribe →Why Your Child's Enneagram Childhood Experience Isn't About You
3w ago00:31:03Tap to summarizeWhat if your child's struggles aren't evidence that you failed them… but part of what makes them them? In this deeply personal and emotionally layered episode, Ann Kaplan explores one of the most confronting parts of the Enneagram: the childhood experience associated with each type — and why it can feel so painful for parents to hear. Ann shares honestly about her own current season of identity deconstruction, intense personal growth work, and what it feels like to realize that even the most loving parents cannot protect their children from becoming human. This episode goes far beyond personality typing. It's about suffering, ego, self-actualization, parenting, spirituality, and the uncomfortable truth that growth often requires experiencing disconnection before we can reconnect to ourselves more deeply. If you've ever wondered: "Did I mess my kid up?" "Why does my child experience the world this way?" "Can I prevent my child from struggling?" "Why does healing feel like falling apart first?" …this episode will meet you there. What You'll Learn What the "childhood experience" in the Enneagram actually means Why your child's type is not caused by your parenting The difference between your child's experience and objective reality How personality forms as a response to perceived disconnection Why the ego's coping strategies ultimately lead us away from what we're seeking The spiritual dimension of the Enneagram and self-actualization Why suffering is not proof that something has gone wrong How parents can support their children without trying to erase discomfort Key Takeaways 👉 Your child's Enneagram type is rooted in their nature — not your failure as a parent. 👉 Children with different types perceive and organize the world differently, even inside loving homes. 👉 The goal of parenting is not preventing all pain. It's helping children stay connected to themselves while they move through it. 👉 Personality is often an attempt to reconnect with something essential we feel we lost. 👉 The behaviors we develop to feel safe can eventually become the very things keeping us stuck. 👉 Deep healing often feels disorienting before it feels freeing. 👉 Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need an attuned one. Ann's Confession Ann shares openly about her own current "identity obliteration" season — working deeply with an Enneagram practitioner and confronting painful truths about herself, her patterns, and the ways ego disguises itself as growth. She also reflects on the heartbreak of recognizing her own children's Enneagram childhood experiences and grappling with the reality that even deeply loving parenting cannot eliminate suffering. Topics Explored in This Episode Parenting and the Enneagram Childhood emotional experiences Self-actualization and identity Internal Family Systems themes Ego vs. essence Why healing feels destabilizing Conscious parenting Spiritual growth and suffering Perfectionism and Enneagram Type One How parents unintentionally personalize their children's emotional experiences Who This Episode Is For This episode is especially for: Parents doing deep personal growth work Highly self-aware adults questioning old identities Parents exploring the Enneagram People healing perfectionism, shame, or emotional reactivity Anyone trying to understand why growth can feel so painful Share This Episode Know a parent carrying guilt about their child's emotional experience? Share this episode with them. Sometimes the deepest relief comes from realizing your child's humanity is not evidence that you failed — it's evidence that they're human, too.
Transcribe →You ARE Hurting Your Kids (And What to Do About It)
May 600:28:55Tap to summarizeThis is one of those episodes that might sting a little… and also might be the biggest exhale you've had in a while. Because if you're a thoughtful parent—if you care this much—you've probably already had the thought: "What if I'm messing them up?" So instead of dancing around it, we're just going to tell the truth: You are. We all are. And that's not actually the problem. In this episode, I'm sharing what came up at a recent Enneagram experience—when a mom asked the question that every parent is quietly holding: "What do I do with the realization that I've hurt my kid?" What We Get Into Why it's not possible to parent without hurting your child The moment self-awareness turns into shame (and what to do instead) How your Enneagram type shows up in your parenting (whether you like it or not) Why trying to "fix yourself" fast actually backfires What repair really looks like—and what it's not The Part Most Parents Don't Want to Hear (But Need To) The goal isn't to become a perfect parent. The goal is to become a self-aware one. Because your kids don't need you to never mess up. They need you to: See yourself clearly Own what's yours Stay present when it's uncomfortable That's the work. That's the repair. Ann's Confession When I first learned my Enneagram type, I didn't feel empowered. I felt wrecked. I sat at my computer and cried because I could suddenly see how I was showing up—and I couldn't unsee it. So if that's where you are? You're not doing it wrong. You're just at the beginning. What Actually Helps (Instead of Spiraling) The real gifts of this work: Self-awareness — seeing your patterns clearly Self-acceptance — not turning that awareness into self-attack Transformation — slowly loosening your grip on those patterns And when it comes to your kids? The most powerful thing you can do is: Tell the truth without defending yourself. No over-explaining. No needing reassurance. No making them carry your guilt. Just: "Yeah. That wasn't okay. And I see it now." If This Episode Hit You Start here: 👉 Notice your patterns this week (without trying to fix them) 👉 Catch the urge to defend, justify, or explain 👉 Practice staying present instead That alone changes more than you think. Share This Episode Know a parent who is quietly carrying guilt about how they've shown up? Send this to them. Not as a call-out. As a relief.
Transcribe →Essence vs Personality: Understanding Your True Self vs Your Patterns
Apr 2900:33:29Tap to summarizeWhat if who you think you are… isn't actually you? In this episode, we're diving into one of the most important (and often misunderstood) distinctions in the Enneagram: Essence vs Personality. Because most of us aren't living from our true self—we're operating from patterns that were formed to protect us. And until you can see that clearly, you'll keep repeating the same reactions, the same conflicts, and the same internal loops… no matter how much "work" you do. In This Episode, You'll Learn: The difference between your Essence (who you truly are) and your Personality (the patterns you developed) Why your personality is not the problem—but it can become a limitation How your Enneagram Type shapes your automatic reactions, especially in parenting and relationships Why awareness—not fixing—is the first real step toward change What it actually looks like to shift from reactivity to presence in real life The Core Insight Your personality was formed for a reason. It helped you belong. It helped you feel safe. It helped you navigate the world. But what once protected you… can quietly become the thing that keeps you stuck. The Enneagram doesn't box you in—it shows you what's been running you so you can begin to loosen its grip. Why This Matters (Especially for Parents) So many of the moments we regret as parents aren't about our kids… They're about our patterns getting activated. The quick reaction The frustration that escalates too fast The feeling of "Why did I just do that again?" That's personality. And when you start recognizing it in real time, you create space for something else to come through: Your Essence. Calm. Presence. Connection. Ready to Go Deeper? Join the Virtual Enneagram Retreat If you're ready to move beyond just understanding your patterns and actually experience what it feels like to live from your Essence… I'm hosting a live Virtual Enneagram Retreat. This isn't just information—it's integration. We'll help you: Identify your Enneagram Type (with clarity—not guessing) See your patterns in real time Understand why you keep experiencing the same things Learn how to shift into a more grounded, present, and connected version of yourself 📅 Live on Zoom A powerful, guided experience you can join from anywhere 👉 Save your spot here Final Thought You're not "too much." You're not "too reactive." You're not "doing it wrong." You're just operating from patterns you haven't fully seen yet. And once you do… Everything begins to change.
Transcribe →Why You Feel Unmotivated (Through the Lens of the Enneagram Type 2)
Apr 2200:47:06Tap to summarizeIf you've ever felt like you're doing everything for everyone else… and still somehow questioning your worth… This conversation is going to hit. In this episode, I'm joined by my longtime friend, client, and retreat chef, Andrew, as part of the Ennea Chats series — real conversations with real people about how the Enneagram actually shows up in everyday life. Andrew is an Enneagram Type 2, and what he shares in this conversation goes way beyond "being helpful" or "being caring." We get into what's underneath that. Because for Type 2s (and honestly, for a lot of overwhelmed parents), the real driver isn't generosity… It's the quiet belief: I have to earn love. What we explore together: What it actually feels like to discover your Enneagram type — especially when it doesn't click right away Why the Enneagram isn't about what you do, but why you do it The core belief of Type 2s: "I'm not worthy of love unless I earn it" How that belief shows up in relationships, people-pleasing, and emotional triggers What it looks like in real life when a small moment spirals into self-doubt The difference between genuine kindness and seeking love through helping Why self-awareness can make you question your own motives (and feel like a fraud) The moment that really lands: When Andrew describes how something as small as being asked about a spoon in the sink spirals internally into: "What's wrong with me? Why would I do that? I must be an idiot." And how understanding his Enneagram type helped him see: That voice isn't truth. It's a pattern. Why this matters (even if you're not a Type 2): This isn't just about one personality type. It's about recognizing that so much of how we show up — especially as parents, partners, and high-functioning adults — is driven by beliefs we've never actually questioned. The Enneagram gives language to those patterns. And once you can see them, you can start to relate to yourself differently. With more clarity. With more compassion. And with a lot less reactivity. A powerful reframe from this episode: The Enneagram doesn't describe who you are. It explains why you are the way you are. Want to go deeper? If this conversation is making you think, "Oh… this is me," — that's exactly the kind of awareness we build on inside my Living Enneagram spaces. Whether it's the mini retreat or deeper coaching work, this isn't about labeling yourself. It's about understanding your patterns well enough that you're no longer run by them. If you've been circling this work for a while, consider this your nudge. Come join us. There's a seat for you. www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/livingenneagram Share this episode: Know someone who gives everything to everyone else… but still doesn't quite feel like it's enough? Send this to them. They'll probably feel very seen.
Transcribe →The Enneagram Isn't Who You Are (And That Changes Everything)
Apr 1500:55:04Tap to summarizeMost people use the Enneagram to figure out who they are. But what if that's not actually the point? What if it's showing you what's getting in your way? This week's episode is a little different—and honestly, one of my favorites. I sat down with my oldest son, Elijah, and we talked about the Enneagram… but not in the way you usually hear it talked about. Not "what type are you?" Not "here's how to label yourself." But what it actually does when you use it in real life—especially inside relationships, parenting, and your own growth. We talk about what it looked like for him to first encounter the Enneagram as a teenager in a really hard season… how he was mistyped… and why that still helped. And then we go deeper into the part most people miss: The Enneagram isn't here to tell you who you are. It's here to show you what you're caught in. What you'll hear in this episode: Why the Enneagram "meets you where you are" (and why that matters more than getting your type right) What mistyping actually reveals—and why it can still be useful How dysregulation makes everyone look the same (and why that changes how we see ourselves and our kids) The difference between your essential self and your personality patterns How the Enneagram can be used for control… or for empathy What shifted when Elijah realized his actual type—and why he couldn't see it before The connection between self-worth, shame, and how we identify ourselves Why awareness doesn't immediately change your behavior (and why that's not a problem) The deeper pattern: You're not your type. You're the person underneath the patterns your type is describing. And those patterns tend to get louder when you're struggling—not more accurate. Which is why so many people misidentify themselves when they're in a hard season. One of the most important takeaways: Even when you're "wrong"… you're not actually wrong. If something resonates, it's telling you something about where you are—even if it's not telling you who you are. For parents (this part matters): When your kid is acting in ways that feel confusing, reactive, or out of character… You might not be seeing their personality. You might be seeing their level of regulation. And those are not the same thing. A moment worth listening for: The part where Elijah talks about believing he couldn't be a certain type because he thought he was a bad person. And how that belief was actually the most accurate clue about who he was all along. If you want to go deeper: If you've been curious about the Enneagram but also a little skeptical—or you've felt like "none of the types fully fit"—this is exactly why. And if you want to actually experience this work (not just learn about it), I'm hosting a small, in-person Living Enneagram mini retreat. Details are in the link below. Resources & Next Steps: 🧠 Living Enneagram Mini Retreat (limited spots available) 📞 Book a Free Call Share this episode: If you've ever felt like: "None of the types fully fit me" "Why do I act like a completely different person sometimes?" "I understand this… but I still do the same things" Send this to someone who's in that space.
Transcribe →Don't Fence Me In
Apr 800:27:15Tap to summarizeIf the Enneagram feels like a box… you're not wrong. But you might be stopping at the part that was never the point. In this episode, I'm unpacking the biggest misunderstanding people have about the Enneagram—and why it can feel limiting, reductive, or even a little insulting at first. Because here's the truth: The Enneagram isn't here to define you. It's here to show you where you're stuck—and how to get free. What this episode is really about A lot of people resist the Enneagram because they don't want to be labeled, boxed in, or reduced to a personality type. And honestly? That concern is valid. In this episode, Ann Kaplan shares a candid confession about how she used to do exactly that—mentally typing people, oversimplifying them, and missing the deeper purpose of the work. Through personal stories, client experiences, and insights from advanced Enneagram study, this episode reframes the Enneagram as a tool for self-awareness, emotional freedom, and personal growth—not identity. If you've ever felt resistant to personality frameworks… or quietly worried they might limit you or your child… this episode will shift how you see them. What you'll learn Why the Enneagram is often misunderstood as a "personality test" The real reason people feel boxed in or labeled by it How your ego turns complex tools into oversimplified shortcuts What the Enneagram actually reveals about your patterns and reactions The concept of your "personality as a prison"—and why that's good news The difference between your personality and your essential nature How this work applies to parenting, relationships, and emotional regulation Why growth isn't about fixing yourself—but loosening your grip on who you think you are The deeper insight You're not your reactions. You're not your patterns. You're not even your "type." Those are strategies you learned when the world felt overwhelming. The Enneagram doesn't hand you a label—it hands you a mirror. And if you keep looking, it also shows you the door. My confession 💬 "I used to type people in my head. I used to make assumptions and generalizations—and I got called out for it. Rightfully so." This episode walks through that moment and what it revealed about how easily we all turn something powerful into something limiting. Parenting + real-life application If you're a parent, this matters more than you think. Because the moment we start labeling ourselves, we start labeling our kids. And the work isn't to figure out who your child is. It's to understand what patterns they're developing to cope with the world. And how to help them stay connected to who they are underneath all of it. Key takeaways 👉 The Enneagram is not a personality label—it's a map of your patterns 👉 Feeling "boxed in" is often a sign you're still at the surface level 👉 Your personality was built to protect you—not define you 👉 Growth comes from loosening identification, not reinforcing it 👉 You don't need to become someone new—you need to become less confined Who this episode is for This episode is especially for: Parents doing deep personal growth work People curious (but skeptical) about the Enneagram High-achievers who feel stuck in patterns they can't break Anyone tired of trying to "fix" themselves and ready to understand themselves Your Invitation If this episode is hitting something for you— that's not accidental. You don't need more information. You need space to actually see what's going on underneath your patterns. That's the work we do together. If you're local (or up for traveling), my Living Enneagram mini retreat is coming up soon. It's small, intentional, and deeply human—part connection, part insight, part "oh wow, I've never seen myself like this before." LEARN MORE ABOUT THE ENNEAGRAM HERE Or if you're not there yet, just start here: 👉 Notice where you're labeling yourself 👉 Notice where you feel stuck 👉 And get curious instead of certain Share this episode Know someone who says, "I hate personality tests"? Yeah—send them this.
Transcribe →The Enneagram Will Ruin Your Favorite Argument (In the Best Way)
Apr 101:29:05Tap to summarizeMost of the arguments you keep having? They're not actually about what you think they're about. It's two people—each running a completely different internal system— trying to prove their version of reality is the right one. And once you see it, you can't unsee it. In this episode, I sit down with my sister Ren (a Seven) and we break down what the Enneagram actually reveals in real life—why you react the way you do, why your partner does what they do, and why the same fights keep happening. This isn't about labels. It's about realizing: "Oh… it's not personal. It's pattern." What You'll Walk Away With Why you assume everyone thinks like you (they don't) Why your partner's behavior feels personal—even when it's not What's actually driving reactions like control, avoidance, or distrust How you accidentally reinforce each other's patterns The Shift Instead of: "Why are you like this?" You start to see: "Oh… this is how your system tries to feel safe." And that changes everything. If This Is You… You keep having the same conversation. You're exhausted by it. And part of you knows there's something deeper going on… This episode will help you finally see it. Next Step If this clicked, the next step isn't learning more about the Enneagram. It's experiencing it. My Living Enneagram events are where this stops being theoretical and starts getting real— you see yourself in it, you see other people in it, and things shift fast. If you've been curious about the Enneagram (or skeptical, honestly), this is the place to start. JOIN THE LIVING ENNEAGRAM HERE www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/livingenneagram
Transcribe →Feeling Stuck? How to Find Your Zone of Power in Hard Situations
Mar 2500:44:41Tap to summarizeSometimes the hardest situations in life feel impossible for a reason. You can't change the other person. You can't force the situation to be different. And every option available to you feels like a bad one. So what do you do then? In this episode, Ann explores what happens when we're stuck in situations that genuinely cannot be fixed or controlled. Whether that's a difficult family dynamic, a co-parent with different values, or even parts of ourselves we wish were different. Through a candid confession about being a not-so-great driver (and the growth that came with finally accepting it), Ann introduces a powerful framework she calls your "Zone of Power." Because when we stop trying to control the impossible, something surprising happens: our actual choices start to become visible again. This episode is about learning how to shift your focus from what you can't change to what is actually yours to lead. What You'll Hear in This Episode How "impossible situations" trap us in painful either-or thinking Why many problems feel unsolvable because we're focused on the wrong goal The connection between polarities, impossible situations, and personal agency Why trying to change other people will always leave you stuck How to identify the place where your real power actually lives The three steps that help solutions reveal themselves naturally Resources Mentioned 📘 Free Workbook: Getting Kids to Listen the First Time bit.ly/kidswholisten 📞 Book a Free Discovery Call with Ann bit.ly/KaplanCall 🌿 Living Your Enneagram Mini Retreat April 26, 2026 — Denver, CO Learn more: annkaplanparentcoach.com/livingenneagram Share This Episode Know someone who feels stuck in a situation they can't seem to fix? Send them this episode. It might help them discover where their real power actually lives.
Transcribe →Impossible Situations: How to Stop Trying to Fix What Can't Be Fixed
Mar 1800:29:19Tap to summarizeWhat do you do when there's no solution to a problem that deeply affects you or your kids? In this episode, Ann explores a concept that can feel both frustrating and freeing: impossible situations. These are the moments in life where something needs to change—but the reality is that it won't. Maybe it's: 💔 A parent who can't give you the relationship you hoped for ⚡ A co-parent who stays committed to conflict 🏠 A family dynamic that never seems to improve 🎒 Or a situation with your child that simply doesn't have the "right" outcome When we're stuck in these moments, our brains keep searching for the perfect strategy, boundary, or conversation that will finally fix it. But what if the real path forward isn't solving the problem? What if it's recognizing the situation as impossible—and shifting how you show up inside it? In this episode, Ann shares: What an "impossible situation" actually is (and how to recognize one) Why trying to solve unsolvable problems keeps parents stuck in stress and frustration The surprising relief that comes from stopping the fight with reality How acceptance (not approval) creates more emotional stability for you and your kids A real parenting example of co-parenting conflict and school decisions How the Enneagram—especially Type One perfectionism—interacts with impossible situations Why nervous system regulation and emotional support become your real power as a parent This conversation is especially relevant for parents navigating divorce, family-of-origin wounds, difficult relatives, or ongoing conflict with someone who won't change. Because when you stop trying to make the impossible possible, something unexpected happens: You finally get access to your real influence. And often, that's where peace begins. Resources mentioned in this episode: 📘 Free workbook: Getting Kids to Listen the First Time [https://www.annkaplanparentcoach.com/freeguide] 📞 Book a free consultation with Ann to explore coaching [https://calendly.com/annkaplan/consult]
Transcribe →