Sam Tripoli, Dylan Wrenn, and Darksmith are back to break down: Comment of the Week, the fake assassination attempt at the White House Correspondents Dinner, Oz Pearlman the Israeli mentalist somehow not seeing it coming, the suspiciously calm reactions from JD Vance, Bondi, and Rubio while Cheryl Hines gets completely ignored by the Secret Service, the Henry Martinez tweet that allegedly named the shooter back in 2023 and whether the whole thing was pre-planted or backdated by Twitter insiders, the rainbow saturation butler-moment psyop and the entire coordinated influencer rollout afterward, Lindsey Graham losing his election and going full kamikaze for a $400 million taxpayer-funded "ballroom" that just happens to look exactly like the Third Temple, Shalom Baranes scoring a no-bid contract via an "urgency exemption" usually reserved for war and disasters, Trump reading scripture about Solomon's house of sacrifice on national television, the "two kings" tweet days after telling 60 Minutes he's not a king, King Charles and Donald Trump being 15th cousins because of course they are, Senate quietly voting down a resolution to block military strikes on Cuba while everyone freaks out about the shooter, Ozempic turning beautiful people into Gila monsters, Anne Hathaway tossing out "inshallah" on the Devil Wears Prada 2 press run, Megan Thee Stallion explaining why Klay Thompson should be paying her $40k a month, the 2027 mandate putting AI surveillance cameras inside every new vehicle and the Hutchinson-style kill-switch implications, Janet Mills vetoing the data center moratorium, weaponized ticks and red-meat allergies conveniently arriving while Bill Gates invests in lab-grown meat, and why moving to the Appalachians might be the only move left.

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