In this episode, I sit down with sex therapist Vanessa and her husband Xander (from @vanessaandxander) to talk all things sex, intimacy, and relationships. We dive deep into how our upbringings shape our comfort around sex and why having open conversations around it is so important. Vanessa & Xander break down the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, why mismatched libidos are totally normal, and how pleasure should be at the center of our sex lives. We get real about navigating sex after kids, using toys, and why foreplay doesn’t just start in the bedroom. Vanessa and Xander share practical tips on initiating sex, communicating needs with your partner, and the positions that actually work best.

Key Takeaway / Points:

What libido mismatch really means (and why it’s normal)
The different types of sexual desire (spontaneous vs. responsive)
Practical ways to initiate sex and navigate rejection from your partner
How couples can reconnect even during “survival mode” as parents
The role of toys and romance novels in your sex life
Sex beyond intercourse and the importance of focusing on pleasure
Why faking orgasms is so common amongst women
Vanessa & Xander’s take on scheduled sex and why it can be healthy for couples
How foreplay starts in the kitchen
Quickie sex questions: favorite positions, time of day, music vs. silence, and more

Link to the Tabu pillow HERE, use code PILLOWTALKS for 10% off

Ultimate foreplay guide HERE

Ultimate sex guide HERE

Listen to their podcast Pillow Talks HERE

Follow Vanessa & Xander:

Instagram: @vanessaandxander

TikTok: @vanessaandxander

Website: vmtherapy.com

Follow me:

Instagram: @cameronoaksrogers

Substack: Fill Your Cup

Website: cameronoaksrogers.com

TikTok: @cameronoaksrogers

Youtube: Cameron Rogers

How to Have Better Sex with Vanessa & Xander Marin (@vanessaandxander)