Episode Summary

In this episode, I ask you to question a common excuse people make - not having enough time for self-care. Drawing on DBT’s PLEASE skill and the science of emotional regulation, I reframe self-care not as something extra you add to your day, but as something you weave into it. With practical, zero-cost strategies, I make the case that staying regulated is within your control - even on the hardest days.

Key Concepts

1. The “Life is Chaotic” Default When we respond to “how are you?” with “things are crazy” or “I’m so busy,” it’s a signal. Chronic dysregulation affects how we show up for work, relationships, and parenting. We can choose a different answer, but first we have to do the work to get there.

2. The DBT PLEASE Skill PLEASE is a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) skill designed to reduce emotional vulnerability by caring for the physical body. The components include:

* PL — treating PhysicaL illness

* E — balanced Eating

* A — Avoiding mood-altering substances

* S — balanced Sleep

* E — getting Exercise

When these needs go unmet, our emotional baseline drops - meaning we become more reactive, less resilient, and harder to be around. Self-care at this level is clinical, not indulgent.

3. You Cannot Pour from an Empty Cup This is especially true for moms, parents, and caregivers who default to putting everyone else’s needs first. Depleting yourself doesn’t serve the people you love - it limits your capacity to show up for them. Prioritizing your own regulation is an act of care for those around you.

4. Self-Care Doesn’t Require Extra Time The biggest myth about self-care is that it requires a separate block of time. It doesn’t. Regulation can be built into activities you’re already doing - the key ingredient is intention, not more hours in the day.

5. Built-In Regulation Practices Small, woven-in moments of self-care that cost zero extra time:

* Breathwork while driving - box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4) in the car rider line

* Gratitude before coffee or meals - 30 seconds of genuine appreciation before your first sip activates the parasympathetic nervous system

* Mindful water drinking - feel the cold water in your mouth and body, notice the sensation, feel grateful for access to clean water; drinking intentionally is both mindfulness and physical self-care

* Mindful breaks at work - a walk to the bathroom or the water fountain is an opportunity to breathe, slow down, and check in with yourself

6. Starting the Day Regulated I begin each morning on my yoga mat - simple poses and breathwork to connect with Spirit and start the day calm and grounded. This sets the emotional tone for everything that follows.

7. The Reset Mindset When mornings go off the rails (and they will), the goal isn’t perfection - it’s continuity. If the morning routine gets derailed, you don’t write off the day. You find the next available moment: breathwork in the car, a mindful pause in the parking lot, an intentional sip of water. Regulation is something you return to all day, not something you do once and lose.

8. Building Resilience Through Small Moments Consistent, small regulation practices build nervous system resilience over time. The more you return to yourself throughout the day, the less completely derailed you become when hard things happen. This is the compounding effect of micro self-care.

Connect with Dr. Ashley DeLuccia on Skool

Parent Community - Mental Health Coping Tools - Skills for Calm and Happy Kids

* Q&A Monday evenings at 7PM EST

* Breathwork sessions Fridays at 5PM

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