2 Deadbeat Dads - Episode 265

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode 265: "2 Deadbeat Dads" – July 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and wide-ranging episode, Pat and Mike are joined by co-hosts Carrie and Gene ("the Genius"), as well as a revolving door of callers for a blend of wild anecdotes, current events, nostalgic pop culture debates, and candid (often comedic) listener confessions. The conversation bounces from nostalgic school safety drills and verses battles to deadbeat dad stories, unique relationship drama, drinking struggles, and the BET Awards. Humor and empathy intertwine as the hosts give both tough love and big laughs.

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Key Discussion Points, Insights, and Quotes

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1. School Safety Drills & Nostalgia

[00:00–03:13]

• The episode opens with Pat and Mike ridiculing outdated tornado drills versus modern safety measures.
• Quote:
  • “They had us face down, ass up in the hallway. Like, is a tornado a predator?” — Pat [00:15]
• Pat jokes about the absurdity: “Always tryin’ to make us 69 ourselves before we die.” [01:06]
• Gene and Carrie make their intros, and the group jokes about engagement, relationship status, and local popularity rankings.

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2. Podcast Growth & Hometown Representation

[03:14–05:48]

• The hosts share pride over climbing local popularity charts, with classic banter over city allegiance (Milwaukee vs. Pontiac).
• Carrie draws attention to being the top woman on the list.
• Pat pays respect: “Every time I talk to somebody about you, it's always like, ‘She’s so talented…’” [05:15]

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3. Nostalgic Music Battles: B2K vs. Pretty Ricky

[06:29–15:00]

• Mike describes waking at 4am in Amsterdam to watch the B2K vs. Pretty Ricky "Verzuz".
• The group breaks down the win dynamics: Pretty Ricky’s lasting impact, live performances, the vocal edge of Pleasure P, and humorous reminisces of era-appropriate party dance moves (think "hip rolls").
• Quote:
  • “With Pretty Ricky songs... their songs just lasted longer, so they hit harder. The lyrics just last longer today.” — Gene [12:01]
• Pat reveals Tank sang many reference tracks: “The voices you hear sometimes — that’s Tank!” [09:41]

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4. Celebrity, Growth, & Social Encounters

[21:00–25:00]

• Discussion about men acting differently around their girlfriends and the weirdness of public "guy’s guy" posturing for validation.
• Pat on fan interactions: “99% of the women are approaching me just like a dude would… but guys act like it’s wild.” [24:00]
• Carrie and Pat talk about not being too flattered by aggressive advances: “Why would I think I’m special enough?” — Pat [25:46]

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5. Changing Culture of Sports Backgrounds

[26:40–30:30]

• NBA Draft Tears: Mike notes fewer emotional draft moments, theorizing kids today come from better financial situations thanks to NIL deals.
• The group debates the impact of affluence on drive:
  • “I miss more hood kids being able to go to the NBA. I think it's somewhat ruining…the connection with players.” — Gene [28:59]
• Pat argues for sports as business: “Everybody's starting to look at it as more of a business, which they should, because this company don’t give a shit about you.” [30:00]

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6. Listener Call-Ins: Wild Scenarios & Raw Stories

Throughout the episode, callers drop in for advice and confessions.

a. Threesomes as 'Supervised Cheating'

[31:26–36:13]

• Caller opines: “Threesomes are supervised cheating.”
• The group explores who really wants it, gender suspicion, and the pitfalls of bringing it up in relationships.
• Satirical analogy: “He gonna want a three-man weave, you know what I’m saying?” — Pat [35:48]

b. Double Deadbeat Dads

[36:28–41:09]

• Memorable, darkly comic exchange with a young woman whose biological father and stepdad both abandoned her.
• Quote:
  • Pat acts out the “Fresh Prince” emotional scene: “‘I’m gonna be a better father than he ever was…’ How come he don’t want me, man?” [39:05]
• Pat and Mike blend empathy and humor, vowing: “If I ever run into them, I’ll beat the shit out of both for you, bro.” [40:21]

c. Body Count: The Elusive 1.5

[41:14–46:00]

• A listener confesses their "body count is 1.5", detailing a failed, odorous backseat encounter and the debate over whether partial hookups “count.”
• Quote:
  • “Turning into an Uber driver after a failed mission is crazy.” — Pat [43:50]

d. Messy Relationships & Hidden Truths

[49:07–50:20]

• Another caller details navigating relationship lies — telling his girlfriend a female friend is his cousin to avoid drama.
• Quote:
  • “You just bound to get caught up. These be stupid ass lies that could easily be broken.” — Pat [50:34]

e. Price of Anything: $1

[51:01–56:02]

• Listeners riff: one wants bail to cost $1 (“so people take fewer risks”) before the group hilariously dismantles the logic.
• Another would make escorts $1 and runs a “roster” scenario.
• “I have a whole girlfriend. I don’t go [anymore]…I used to go but not anymore.” [57:33]

f. Weird Habits: ATMs & Checking Balances

[62:43–65:23]

• One frequent caller admits to peeking at strangers' ATM receipts to compare balances for motivation: “One time I saw a dude with 40k in checking!” [63:20]

g. Marital Messiness

[66:11–72:48]

• A husband loves the “messy” tea from his wife’s friend group (e.g., the musty gym husband).
• Pat grills the wife: “Has he ever been musty around you?” Laughs ensue about group chat gossip and couple dynamics.

h. Alcohol Struggles: Drunk at Work, Honesty About Addiction

[78:54–85:37]

• Caller candidly describes alcoholism, drinking before work, and attempting various weak self-interventions. Hosts urge him to seek help, offer real talk:
  • “If anybody has resources to help this guy out, reach out to us and we’ll get y’all connected.” — Mike [82:07]

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7. Social Media “Icks” and Follower Behavior

[86:05–87:56]

• The silly ick of following brands (“Why are you following McDonald’s?”).
• Mike confesses being in a sperm donor Facebook group “for research” [87:00]
• Pat: “That’s how you get a white boy charged up, though. ‘Let’s fucking go!’ is basically a lu akbar for white boys.” [88:22]

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8. Pop Culture & Reality TV Nostalgia

[90:00–108:30]

• Love Island recaps, memes, and split drama.
• Throwback to Flavor of Love, For the Love of Ray J — how reality stars became icons, names, and the wildness of those era’s shows.
• Odd “fetish” segments from TLC: “Remember that dude attracted to balloons?” [108:24]

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9. BET Awards & The Role of the Host

[113:50–121:37]

• Gene gives a passionate rundown on Drew Ski hosting BET Awards — the generational shift, skit formats not translating from internet to stage, and public scrutiny.
• “He’s just a home run hitter… He’s like, ‘Look at this funny ass joke!’ and then he’s regular, then another joke.” — Pat [115:10]
• Pat notes programming decisions (e.g., playing off SZA and Dochi with a sax mid-speech) and nuanced pressures of black hosts and viral moments.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• “These new dudes be acting weird; we were tying their shirts up, hip roll…” — Pat [07:47]
• “If I'm the only Black dude in Grafton, Wisconsin… Okay, that makes sense. But if you're in a club full of people like you and she's throwing herself at you, you just the first one tonight.” — Pat [24:34]
• “Double homicide.” (on two dads leaving) — Pat, deadpan [37:04]
• “Turning into an Uber driver after a failed mission is crazy.” — Pat [43:50]
• “You must have lied about…being her boyfriend, that you were a virgin!” — Pat [48:39]
• “He just caught me with the, ‘Who got outta there too?’” (re: two deadbeat dads) — Mike [40:00]
• “If you lying about this, you’ll lie about anything, bro.” — Pat [50:34]
• “If you ever run into them, I’ll beat both of them up for you, bro.” — Pat [40:21]
• “Ain’t a damn thing he could ever teach me about how to love my kids.” — (Imitating Fresh Prince) Pat [39:05]
• “Just imagine them naked? For public speaking? That’s some horny ass advice.” — Mike [93:43]
• “I’ll get a Colombian. I’m not gonna lie…then a Dominican…then maybe a Black woman, they’re just so beautiful.” — Steven [58:14]
• “Back in the day…they was racist as fuck. You turn on the light [in the car], now they can see you Black.” — Pat [113:13]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Tornado Drill School Story: [00:00–02:00]
• Popularity Rankings & City Allegiance: [03:13–05:48]
• B2K vs. Pretty Ricky Analysis: [06:29–15:00]
• Threesomes as Supervised Cheating: [31:26–36:13]
• Double Deadbeat Dad Caller: [36:28–41:09]
• Body Count 1.5 Confession: [41:14–46:00]
• ATM Receipts & Motivation: [62:43–65:23]
• Alcoholism Caller: [78:54–85:37]
• BET Awards Recap: [114:00–121:40]

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Tone & Closing Thoughts

The episode rides a fast, comedic, and unfiltered wave — blending roast-style humor and real empathy for serious situations, especially with call-in guests. The crew’s camaraderie, quick-witted references, and comfort with tangents make it feel like you’re eavesdropping in a spirited group chat.

Pat and Mike show a deft balance between clowning, commiseration, and keeping things moving. Carrie and Gene provide grounding (and extra jokes), while the call-in sections serve as both comic relief and micro-anthologies of young-adult struggles.

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Final Memorable Line:

“Good ass daddies...My shit gonna be played in both clubs. — Pat [104:03]”

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Listen If You Like:

• Unfiltered friend group convos
• Wild listener call-in stories
• Comedy rooted in everyday truths and pop culture
• Candid commentary on relationships, nostalgia, and the Black experience

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Crash Dummies continues to deliver their unique blend of jokes, social commentary, and true listener engagement — all with a healthy dose of chaos and rapid-fire punchlines.

Transcript

[Pat]

I'm not going to lie. These kids got it way easier than what we had it because when I was teaching, there was a tornado drill and during that tornado drill, they sent everybody to a basement and like all over the basement had these tornado warning shelter things. I'm like, most of these schools now have tornado shelters. But back when I was growing up, they had us face down, ass up in the hallway. Like, is a tornado a predator or something? Like this tornado about to fuck the out of us, dog. Like, they literally had us face down, ass up, bro.

[Mike]

And one of my big homies, when he used to do that, we always made fun of him because you know how like they, that thing is. Like big dudes always like pull their shirt down and like that.

[Pat]

Yeah, Every time, dog let the tornado hit his butt crack first, it might disappear. No, I, I, I never got that though. I, I, I kind of get the like, oh, you got up and like that. But some I remember people used to get mad at me cuz I used to tell that joke of like why they had us doing that because he was like, it's the closest you can do to kissing your ass goodbye. Always trying to make us 69 ourselves before we die. Like the we doing. Yo, yo.

[Mike]

That's not what we doing.

[Pat]

Hello.

[Mike]

Hey, the radio is for people who are driving. Welcome to Crash Dummies podcast. Anyway, welcome to Crash Dummies podcast. This is episode 265. We got Pat here, we got Carrie here, we got Gene, the genius father Gene, whatever you guys want to call them now.

[Carrie]

Genius.

[Pat]

Engage.

[Mike]

Mike engage. Mike engage.

[Pat]

You act different now.

[Mike]

You think so? But I, but I've been married for the year.

[Pat]

Yeah, you've been you, but you act different now that you engage though.

[Mike]

I married, I proposed to my wife of one year.

[Gene]

Right. Can it be called an engagement?

[Mike]

No, she was never a fiance.

[Pat]

Yeah, I feel like, I feel like when you fuck up the order of that shit, like, like, like, like being a is not too far off.

[Steven]

No.

[Lawyer Mike]

Hell no.

[Pat]

I'm just saying, bro, you doing everything upside down. I don't know. I did help you move in the chair in your bedroom.

[Mike]

That's crazy. You never. I did. And you never been to my new place?

[Pat]

Yes, I have. Literally, I helped him move in a chair and I set it by the window. He like, nah, bro. And then he turned it n. That's crazy.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Never.

[Pat]

He caught you towards the bed.

[Mike]

Make sure you guys are subscribing to the Patreon for the month of July. We are going to do half Off. We have merch that's available. We have new merch that's coming out.

[Pat]

What else we got coming out?

[Mike]

We got new tour dates coming out soon. It might be out right now. I don't know.

[Pat]

I doubt it. But maybe some days.

[Mike]

Yeah, maybe some days. It might be a slow rollout. We're still working, you know?

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? We negotiate. We big dogs now. Now we saying we want them Fridays and Saturdays. Shout out to y' all that supported us on them Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Had us in St. Louis on a Wednesday. And I don't know what the we

[Mike]

was on, but this is our first, like, Current episode in a minute as well.

[Pat]

Yeah, we current.

[Mike]

Yeah, we're current.

[Pat]

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Shout out to me and Mike. We just rose two spots on the Milwaukee popularity list. Clap that shit up.

[Gene]

What does that mean?

[Pat]

Giannis Anthony has left, so we automatically take those spots. But. But.

[Mike]

But.

[Pat]

I'm just saying. Not their spots, but I'm saying we move up. I'm not saying we jumping over anybody. I would say Ty comes and, like, drops us back down. One maybe. You know what I'm saying? But the other. The Jaime Vasquez. No, this is my city. Little come holla at me. Welcome to the city. You know, he got it. He got it from here, huh?

[Gene]

You're not even from.

[Pat]

But I rep here, and I rep heart. It's a. That's from here. He 35 years old, and he love Milwaukee, but he don't do. He don't put on for Milwaukee like I do. I'm out in the outskirts putting on from Milwaukee.

[Gene]

How y' all feel about what he's saying right now?

[Pat]

Pontiac. Know what it is? I'm putting y' all put on for Pontiac. I just did a show for all my Pontiac that came out, and I came out to some cut of keys, and you heard it. You came out to some cut of keys, too. So you from Pontiac, too.

[Mike]

You. You were born and raised in Milwaukee.

[Gene]

Yes. So I think if anybody. I am a little.

[Mike]

You know, we all did that.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Who.

[Mike]

Technically, we all moved up.

[Pat]

Come on, now. You a woman. Which makes it even better.

[Gene]

It makes it even better.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Ladies.

[Mike]

Misogynist.

[Pat]

No, Carrie, you got it. Okay, okay. If we under you, that means we always been under you.

[Mike]

No, no, she's saying everybody moved up a slot, though.

[Gene]

No, but I'm over y'.

[Carrie]

All.

[Pat]

That's fine.

[Mike]

Okay, that's fine. You got it.

[Pat]

I'm fine with, like. Come on, like, you the only person on the Internet, when they be like, oh, Carrie, son them or shit like that, I let it slide. Like, if you was like some random dude and they'll sit on Internet, I would have got that nigga going on. Nigga would not be able to find. I'm down. You. You don't want to. Every time I talk to somebody about you is always like, she's so talented. Oh, blah, blah. She's so talented. Said one person. It's only. There's only one person that says some crazy shit. It was like some girl that is like, I beat the shit out of her. She got dehydrated up my whole night, she up.

[Mike]

Someone get her iv.

[Steven]

Need.

[Mike]

Someone get. Someone get a IV needle.

[Pat]

Y' all never going to let me

[Mike]

some liquid IV something sponsor me.

[Pat]

Talking about I ain't got no friends. I see why they traumatized N. They got a friend group. That's how they banking off who join a friend group. They tested the girls out. How much water you had today, cuz? We had a girl.

[Mike]

We don't even the pregame.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

So I was in. I Woke up at 4am While I was in Amsterdam to watch the. The B2K versus pretty Wiki verses.

[Gene]

You were about 4am for that?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

Because I had to watch that live. Did you. Going into it, who did you guys think was gonna win? Did you kind of have it?

[Gene]

Pretty Ricky.

[Mike]

You did Okay. I kind of. I kind of felt the same way at first. I said B2K, but then I actually, like, went back and thought about it. I was like, okay. I told my friends, like, actually, it's going to be a wash the other way.

[Pat]

If you ever heard Pleasure P sing, then you. You should know.

[Mike]

No, for sure.

[Pat]

Because, like, rapid to me, rapping in a verses is just like it's up in the air whether people feel the song or not. It's like, especially if it's a live mic, it's just like sometimes rapping. But singing is always going to be like the thing that takes it over the top.

[Mike]

And I Forgot with like, B2K where. Where they're a very poppy, like, boy band. I think a lot of the girls really like them. Like, I like B2K growing up too, but it's like we're way younger. I think with Pretty Ricky was like, when we're as guys, we're going through puberty and what were you doing? It was just a lot of like.

[Gene]

With the Pretty Ricky songs.

[Mike]

No, no. That's when niggas was humping the floors. Like, that was the thing. Niggas. Niggas were air humping the floor.

[Pat]

I was with the shirt.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I was jealous of them niggas, bro.

[Pat]

Them niggas like the parties, bro.

[Mike]

They had all the girls.

[Pat]

That's a. Back in the day. That's why I say, like, when people talk about, like, this day and age, like, the people in our generation, like, these new dudes be acting weird like we were. Were tying their shirts up. Hip roll.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Yeah.

[Pat]

The girls used to stand still at

[Mike]

the parties, gyrating their hips, bro.

[Pat]

No big ass T shirts, rolling them up. No real shit.

[Mike]

But no, the Omarion lost twice.

[Gene]

Why twice?

[Mike]

He lost the first one to Mario, too.

[Gene]

I forgot he was on that.

[Pat]

I think especially, like, he lost three times. Technically. The third time, it was like he went. I don't know if he was going off script or was that always a plan for him to sing some of his solo songs? And then he sung one of his solo songs that wasn't B2K.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And pleasure P got mad and sung one of his. Yeah, I don't want to lose this.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

No. He killed that nigga. And Omarion show, like, I feel like Omarion is like a very. You can see the emotion on his sleeve.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So anytime someone shows frustration and they can pick it up on camera. Automatic L2.

[Mike]

And he's like, very.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Not.

[Mike]

Not in a bad way. Because I like Omarion, like, arrogant, but, like in a. More like a confident type of thing.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And I think when the confidence doesn't really match, like, the. The performance sometimes, because, like, even listen to some of his older songs, he's not like the. It's a different type of vocalist, I would say.

[Gene]

Don't get on him with his vocals. I think he takes that very seriously.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Because.

[Gene]

No, no, I'm not saying not you. I'm just saying even Pleasure P, when he kept calling him out, saying, like, oh, why don't you sing acapella? Like, do it without, you know, the backtrack. I could tell he got offended by that.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's it. I think a lot of those singers back then, everybody was a different type of vocalist as well. And I think we didn't hear them live with those, like, the auto tunes and the pitch corrections like that.

[Pat]

Nope. What I learned from. From R and B money podcast, Tanks. Podcast. Is that the reason why Tank is so popular? He sung a lot of backtracks on people like Omarion's. Oh, like, that's. Yeah, the voices you hear sometimes that's Tank.

[Mike]

Yeah. Even the reference tracks for a lot of things.

[Pat]

So it's just like when you hear, like, people singing, like, obviously you hear Omarion's voice on, like, most of his tracks, but the stuff that you like, the feelings, the little chorus or whatever, the harmony that's in the back, that's sometimes other artists. So when you hear somebody sing later on, you're like, damn, it don't feel the same that it did like. Or that it does for the whole track. But somebody like Pleasure P, like, he sound just like the fucking track. So it's just like, damn.

[Mike]

Especially like you said with even like the battle he had with Mario. There were some Mario songs that I really didn't recognize like that that much. But his performance kind of carried because he can really sing. It's just like. It's like Sza to me. Yeah, I don't care what Sza song it is. It's like her voice is angelic, right? So she can be saying the abc. I'm like, that's. That's the best shit ever.

[Pat]

Or Tim. Or. Or Tims.

[Mike]

Or Tims. Yeah, yeah.

[Carrie]

Sometime.

[Gene]

Killed it at the awards yesterday.

[Mike]

That's my fellow Nigerian man.

[Pat]

Sometimes that's my shit, boy. And I'm so confused. That's my stem. That's my favorite stem. Anytime somebody cut me off in track, I'm so conf use to all the pain and suffering.

[Mike]

The accent is crazy.

[Pat]

But I. I would never. That's the thing about Tim's. I would never try to sing her for real.

[Mike]

Like, that's another great live performer. But what you think about the Pretty Ricky?

[Gene]

Yeah, no, for me, personally, I had picked Pretty Ricky off top just because regardless of who was going to sing live or without the backtrack, I was just going song for song. Pretty Ricky songs just lasted a lot longer than B2K did. Cuz when, like when we were younger, we were teenagers, they were like our boy band Heartthrobs, right when we were younger. And then Pretty Ricky came along and it was all the little fast girls, you know, listening to the music.

[Mike]

Not you, though.

[Gene]

I was at the concert.

[Pat]

I went to the Pretty Ricky concert.

[Gene]

It was the Millennium Tour back in like 2005. They came out humping the ground. I was there with my parents. Marcus Houston came out naked for his song Naked. I probably was in fourth grade. It was insane. But just to my point, their songs just lasted longer, so they hit harder. The lyrics just last longer today. Like, think about the last time you were In a club and you heard a B2K song versus a pretty riggy song.

[Carrie]

It's gotta be like a throwback.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gene]

You can play Hotline anytime. You can play Grind on me anytime.

[Pat]

So Loveline, honey, anytime. Under. Well, that's. That's just pleasure, though. But, you know, you good, you good.

[Carrie]

Who?

[Mike]

What did you say?

[Pat]

Something he said under. About pleasure Fee.

[Mike]

Well, how's that one going? Oh, yeah, I forgot how, like a decent, like, solo career that you make.

[Pat]

Oh, I used to play that in the background when I call a girl. I'd be like,

[Lawyer Mike]

turn it down.

[Pat]

That's lean all on my lip. What up?

[Gene]

Voicemail tone.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Baby Blue looked like a super villain, though.

[Gene]

Someone said he looked like a blood clot.

[Pat]

I said, dang, bro, why y' all

[Caller with 2 dads]

doing him that way?

[Pat]

I can't do that cuz I might go to one of their concerts.

[Mike]

No, it's not a bad thing.

[Gene]

We picked.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But also the thing I didn't realize about Pre Ricky is there's such a tempo change in, like, what they do.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So it's just like. That's hard to beat in the verses. So I get Pleasure P singing, and then I get these lyrics that I, like, reminisced about. And like, the other, like, the whole. Everybody's like, they animated. They're doing it where B2 koreographed. It was way too choreographed.

[Mike]

It's like two boy bandies, like.

[Pat]

And I'm confused. And it's like they weren't. They weren't like an acapella group.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So like, there wasn't like, whose part is. Who's like, who's singing right now?

[Mike]

Yeah, no, it was very confused. I know what you mean. It's like J Book, J Bug or Fizz. What the. He's like, what are you doing? Like, they're talking. Yeah, but because I was like, at the point, too. I was like, what is Fizz doing right now?

[Gene]

At one point, they were background singing for Omarion.

[Pat]

That's what. That's what I'm saying. Because it's like you'll hear one voice, but you see four with the mics to their mouth and it's like, whose vocals is this? Who harmonizes on his part?

[Mike]

Some songs are cut short as hell.

[Gene]

Well, I. Because I think at one point, and this is not a dis. B2k, but I think they realize, like, okay, we. We're losing this. Like, let's play our new track. And I'm like, that's the worst thing you could do is play a song we do not know.

[Mike]

No, there was a lot of songs. I started realizing that I don't know that many B2K songs.

[Pat]

Nah, they should have brought out Day 26 or some shit. Really love your company.

[Mike]

I saw the will from day 26. He was saying that they would have beat Pretty Ricky.

[Gene]

He just want to get.

[Pat]

But that's what I feel.

[Mike]

Long day though.

[Pat]

That's what I feel like B2K did. Because I saw Lil Fizz this interview didn't do an interview with Cam Newton or am I tripping?

[Gene]

He did.

[Pat]

Okay. He did an interview with Cam Newton.

[Mike]

Is that where they got the pound for pound thing from Playback? They kept playing.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

I don't.

[Pat]

I don't know.

[Gene]

Probably.

[Pat]

But like he. He did interview with Cam Newton and he like every time he said like they would wash Pretty Ricky it was almost like a smirk came over his face and just like. I think they know that they rather just be on TV and they happy that they can be put it together

[Mike]

and they have an album coming out. Because I mean a song that's released. Omari just had an album come out.

[Pat]

What other like. Exactly. This is good promo. So like what other band could they went up against where that would even make sense? Because. Because if they go to a band that's even to where they maybe could win or not. Not who the is tuning in.

[Mike]

But there's not that many bands that could even go against it. Because I do think they're kind of two different type of performers too. Like you said like when Pretty Ricky got all. It's like energy, energy, energy, energy. Right. And then when B2K was on stage it was more like lovey dovey stuff without the. The vocals. It's just more choreographed dances.

[Pat]

And did they do Bump Bum bum?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, they didn't even bring out everybody that was on a song they didn't even play. It was one person missing. You know who was missing? No, you never. You don't know who on that song.

[Gene]

The Bum Bum Bum?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Oh, is it R. Kelly?

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. You kind of in the.

[Mike]

That's crazy.

[Pat]

It's the same jail system. Maybe point the gun this way.

[Mike]

Not spectacular. Was humping the out of a girl's stomach too.

[Gene]

Not even attractive.

[Mike]

But it's still nostalgic though because that's it. The people used to love the only.

[Pat]

The only thing I question. It's just like. Like the humping part cool. But it was like out of her stomach, bro. But that's what I said, but ain't that weird, though? Because, like, the other part, he's in between her legs.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It's like, okay. Obviously, I'm imagining, like, okay, he the.

[Mike]

Out of her.

[Lawyer Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Then at some. He straddles her. Yeah. And then still does the same action. It's like, are you gonna beg? Like, what's going on? But not.

[Mike]

But it's just funny. Some things that happened back then just seem so cringy now. And that's why, like, Omarion brought out his brother that one time, and they were eating watermelons on the stage.

[Gene]

Yes. Like, they overly freaked.

[Mike]

Come on, now.

[Pat]

I didn't. I didn't see that.

[Mike]

You didn't see that?

[Pat]

Not.

[Mike]

That was when he went against Mario.

[Pat]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Steven]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But that. But again, that's another thing that sometimes it's probably better to go against somebody that's gonna wash you, and then you get to display your talent because you get more people. Like, if Omarion and Mario. I'm not tuning into that. Maybe I missed it or something like that, or I didn't have time. But if for some reason Mario matched up with Chris Brown, I'm like, I'm about to tune in and see how bad Chris Brown beats the shit out of Mario. But then Mario gets to take that time, and, like, I got more viewers, and he gets. I feel like that's. That should be the matchup. Like, if.

[Mike]

I'm a good matchup, too, though, just Mario and Chris Brown. Just from a performance standpoint, like, they both, like. I think a lot of these verses that you've seen that be washes is, like, the performance aspect of. It lacks.

[Gene]

How many of the verses have really been washes, though? I feel like, for the most part, they've been pretty.

[Mike]

I thought dipset versus the locks was kind of a wash.

[Pat]

I think that was a wash.

[Mike]

But based basically from this.

[Steven]

The.

[Mike]

The performance aspect, what other live ones were there? I guess Jeezy and Gucci.

[Pat]

That was probably the closest one.

[Gene]

Brandy and Monica was really good.

[Pat]

That was. That was. Yeah, that was good, too. But that was more of, like, they were, like, almost collabing.

[Mike]

Yeah, that one felt like more of a celebration.

[Pat]

Yeah, that was celebration. The Gucci and Jeezy one. I thought somebody was gonna die, and. And little did I know, Pooh Shici got them serdes. Man, did you see that group chat. Oh, I'm scared of them niggas, dog. I think I say I need six 30s. That nigga say overstood. Overstood that, bro. The text. I think one of the text message they set the same timestamp. Yeah like the responded in less than a minute and said overstood.

[Gene]

He just cooked bro.

[Pat]

Man they might get out of that though. It's gonna take it's gonna take some rat and bro that I think that I think somebody I don't know if people want to get on the stand and be like seen on the stand like that, but we'll see. Yo, let's take a quick break from today's POD to thank the sponsor of today's episode, Earn it.

[Mike]

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[Caller with 2 dads]

Day to day.

[Pat]

It's kind of crazy how we treat money today. We still accept waiting on paychecks. Like if I watch a movie, I could pop over to my favorite streaming services and instantly rent it with one click. Think about how wild it is that we work, then wait, then get paid. That's a deal we just accepted. But you can literally get anything else instantly. Groceries, takeout, or setting up any type of appointment. Five million people have already made the switch. At this point, the old way is starting to look crazy.

[Mike]

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[Pat]

No, my new pet peeve is people overdoing the the guys guy thing in front of their girlfriend. Like I feel like some dudes are nicer when they're around their girl because they want things to be more peaceful like, that's what you want. Like, when you go out with your girlfriend, you want. You don't want to be mean mugging a dude. You want to be peaceful with everybody around so you can feel good, like, with your girlfriend and feel safe. But I feel like some dudes be overdoing it. You know what I'm saying? It's like, bro, you don't need to give me a compliment on my shirt while you with your girl, bro. Like, bro, I'm looking. I'm playing. But. But that's why they're doing it. It's like, almost like a defense mechanism. Like, oh, don't look at my girls. Like, bro, I don't want your girl. You don't have to come over to me. I feel like some people are doing that literally to, like, kind of, like, put you in a friend zone so you don't look at their girl or look at their date. It's like, I don't want that girl, bro.

[Mike]

The thing that irks me, I guess, is, like, when my. I'm walking into a place or something like that, and then that's when the dude decides that he's Mr. PDA. Like, they'll like, say you're walking past

[Gene]

and they're like, prove a point.

[Pat]

Like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Or like, I got an elevator one time, and then he, like, grabbed this girl and then kind of, like, moved over. And like, I'm like, bro, what you

[Pat]

think was gonna happen as a compliment? What you think she gonna do? Smell this baccarat and leave with me? Baby, I'm getting off on floor three.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Like, what?

[Carrie]

Choosing?

[Caller with 2 dads]

But that.

[Pat]

I've. I have seen that.

[Carrie]

And, like.

[Pat]

And I. When I tell you, it breaks my heart every time I see that shit. Like, I've legit been out, like, with a group of people and then seen a couple that has been together for two years and watch that woman talk to that dude differently that she just met. And I know that woman doesn't act like that. And just like, what's making her act like that? And it's like, sometimes women get a bad rap and be like, oh, she's choosing. And just like, it might be. She might be the first dude she ran into that play the piano or going concert or that baccarat. That baccarat got her, man.

[Mike]

I think sometimes dudes will say someone is choosing or a girl is choosing when it's like, it's not really that deep. That's true too, because, like, in a way, like, they'd be like, you walk into A place and the girl's looking at you. It's just like, bro, you have like a. You wearing this. You wearing a Cam Newton ass hat right now. Of course you're gonna look at your way. You look weird.

[Pat]

I can't. I can't stand that. That's why I don't hang around people that, like, no offense, that I've never got women. Because it's like they think everything is a scenario.

[Mike]

Or just the overly horny people in general. They're people that get women and they're just overly.

[Pat]

Yes, even that. Right? Yeah. Yeah. But usually. Right. There's some people that are on the other side of it. Yeah, but it's just like, you'll be out in like, especially like with. Sometimes, like with the podcast. Like, we have a lot of women who listen to the podcast, and so I have a lot more women approach me than what would happen if I didn't have a podcast. But I would say, like, 99 of the women are approaching me. Just like a dude would approach me. It's like, oh, you're that guy from the podcast. And when I'm hanging with somebody that I don't usually hang with and that happens, they usually go crazy and they buy, bro, she all over you. I'm like, she watches the podcast. Like, she just came over to say, what up? Oh, you can do. I'm like, bro, if I was you,

[Mike]

bro, I heard that

[Gene]

you need to stay away from it.

[Pat]

I don't think people ever question and just be like, okay, I'm like, very honest about myself. Do I think I'm an attractive person? Yes. I think everybody should think that they're attractive. But if someone comes up to you and they're throwing themselves at you, I want you to look around like, okay, if you the only black dude in the. In like you in, like Grafton, Wisconsin, and somebody comes up to you and they throwing they self all over you. Okay, this makes sense. Like, I'm. I'm like.

[Mike]

I'm like unicorn here.

[Carrie]

Yes.

[Pat]

I'm something that usually doesn't happen. But if you in a club and it's full of people that look like you and this girl just throwing herself over you or guy just throwing they self at you, you think you the only one that. That happened to tonight? Like, you just the one. The. Either the first one they seen or you didn't see them on the last interaction is like, you got to think about that. Like, when we be at meet and greets every once in a while. This don't happen at Every city. But sometimes there's, like, a woman there, and she just throwing herself at me. It's like, oh, you. You gonna be doing the same thing at Dinell Rollins show next week. You know what I'm saying to him? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You just like niggas that make you laugh. You just want to fucking do to make you laug.

[Gene]

I can't lie. Why would I go for that?

[Pat]

Why would I think I. Why would I think I'm special enough? Like, oh, she only want me. And if, like, if you want people that want you like that, then you.

[Gene]

But that's what you gotta remember. Nowadays, I feel like there are more men out there who will go for that. So now the girls might think it's just easy.

[Pat]

I think there's. I think there's more men that are getting caught for going for that. And, like is known because of cameras and like that. Like. Like, back in the day. Come on.

[Mike]

Back in the.

[Pat]

Back in my day. I'm just saying, you seen Ray Charles nigga was lining up girls touching their wrists and, like, bringing them.

[Gene]

Like, that's still. Never mind.

[Pat]

So you wouldn't let Ray Charles touch your wrist if you were single, bro?

[Gene]

What?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

No.

[Gene]

Well, I mean, he could touch the

[Pat]

wrist, but for what I'm saying, for

[Gene]

what do I know what he touching it for?

[Pat]

Tell your mama. Tell your mama he get to playing that piano now. That's crazy.

[Mike]

I saw one of our friends, delamo, he posted a Instagram reel of about the NBA players getting drafted or the college players that just got drafted this past draft. And one thing he mentioned that was, you didn't see that many tiers this draft because a lot of these kids have money already, so they're not coming from the rougher background because a lot of them get paid in college, too. So it's like. It's a little different. It is true. I didn't really see too much. Like,

[Gene]

That's a fact, though.

[Mike]

Do you think that's making. I feel like there's still. I still. The talent is still going up at least, though. No, I feel like basketball is one of those sports where you can still have finesse. I feel like with boxing, if you grew up with, I don't know, like, a wealthy family and riches and stuff like that, it's a little harder to, like, get hit in the face then I played finesse.

[Pat]

I don't even. I don't even think that's true because I. I'm. You Starting to see like a lot of former boxer sons. I think that's just the. The new way we moving into is like sports is like bait. You can make your kid better than what they are by getting them training earlier.

[Mike]

No, for sure.

[Pat]

So it's just like sports. Like the same way we looked at golf and hockey, where it's like almost like an entry fee like that you have to pay. Like your parents have to be well off. Yeah. That's what we're starting to see in basketball. It's just like. Like most of these kids have been. You know, you look at their background, they've been playing AAU since they was five and playing travel basketball. There's no such thing as like the kid in the hood who only.

[Mike]

I don't think that for basketball. I think for boxing, though, it is a little different just because there's not that many. Like, even right now, if I think of any champions, a lot of them had rough backgrounds. I think it's one of those sports that people that are wealthy family. He's like, why am I. Why is my kid boxing?

[Pat]

I feel like boxing is just behind.

[Mike]

I think it's exactly.

[Pat]

I think it's on the way, though. Yeah, I think.

[Mike]

But also there's a lot of. There's not as much money in it as like NBA too.

[Pat]

Yes. And there's a new style of boxing now. Like, there's the style of boxing now. More of. It's like. It's more celebrated to not be hit and hit where, like, back then it's just like, why would any of George Foreman's kids fight after seeing that nigga fight?

[Mike]

You know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

Just like.

[Mike]

But with basketball, like you said though, it's. There's boozers kid that's in the NBA and that's like. That's like the first kid that like, I've seen Carlos Boozer play basketball and like his kids at NBA.

[Pat]

I mean, LeBron.

[Gene]

Yeah, don't get me started on that one. But I didn't wanna. I miss more hood kids being able to go to the NBA. I truly do. I think it's somewhat ruining. I don't want to say it's fully ruining the NBA and just people's interest in it, but I think people are having a lack of connection with the players because they don't have like a storyline of. I had to grind, get it out the mud. Maybe I came from a single mom and like, what's the storyline for these kids?

[Mike]

I think now because a lot of these. There's so much money in basketball. A lot of these kids are getting money in high school now. But it's like, there's no. There's no being broke type of situation.

[Pat]

Why would they think like that? When every NBA legend, every former NBA player gets on a podcast and say, man, I wish I would have took more money. I wish I would have spent more time with my family. Like, every time Shaq get on the podcast, he's like, I wish I would have slowed down. I wish I would did this. You got nobody that, like, worked hard to be like, I'm glad I worked hard and stayed away from my family. Like, everybody enjoys. So I feel like more people. People are disconnected. Like, yeah, if somebody getting game seven of the NBA Finals, like, they gonna go hard and they're gonna. It's live or die situation. But, like, as far as, like, regular season, nobody cares. Nobody gives a. Because. Because they know. They've seen people go hard, get injured, and then everybody forgets them and they don't get paid. So they. Everybody's starting to look at it as more of a business, which they should, because it. This company don't give a about you.

[Gene]

They don't started the cup. I feel like, like the NBA cup games just to give the players more of an incentive to actually give a damn.

[Pat]

It's money. That's why the all star game going down. It's like everything has to do with money. Everything is money driven. But it makes sense, though. People starting to look at basketball as a job and it used to be like a livelihood. Yeah. Like. Yeah. Fighting over this. Yo, what's good?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

What's up?

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash Homies Podcast.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Thanks. Happy Monday.

[Pat]

Happy Monday.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, damn. It is Monday.

[Lawyer Mike]

Happy Monday.

[Pat]

We don't be knowing the days a week. We just be here at the studio doing whatever, so.

[Mike]

And we're shooting on a Monday. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Russell.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Jet lag.

[Pat]

Nah, I feel it. Mike just got back from Sweden, so in Amsterdam, so he. A little jet lag. He literally hopped off the plane and called you. That's how special you is.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Fresh off the plane.

[Mike]

Fresh off the plane.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

I'm fresh from Flint, so I just got back from Flint.

[Pat]

No shout out to Flint. That's just the way she said it. Okay, what's it. What's an unpopular opinion that you have?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Threesomes are supervised. Cheating.

[Mike]

Okay, supervised.

[Pat]

Is this from experience or is just like, overall opinion?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

I would say overall opinion and then from, like, things that I've seen with people around me.

[Steven]

Okay.

[Mike]

Are you, like, watching the the threesomes from like a chair?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

No, I mean, but like, okay, so I know somebody, for example, who like her boyfriend. Like, it's a, okay, let's spice up the relationship type of thing. And she was like talking about it in the group chat and saying, I think I'm gonna try it. Like, let's just see. And long story short, ended up being a horrible experience for her because she was not really interested in girls, but kind of has to write it out for him. Because. If your man already peeping out a girl that he's trying to fuck and get the nerve to come up to you and talk about it like, okay, let's fuck her together and you say no, then now he's mad he can't fuck this girl because you said no. Or if you say yes, then you basically letting him some girl that he been wanting to and probably was gonna if you said no regardless.

[Pat]

But I just don't. I just don't. I just don't get how somebody could have that mindset and then roll right back into the relationship. Like, if you honestly thought your partner was gonna be mad at you because you didn't let them have sex with someone, then how is that even your partner?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

I mean, you be surprised though. And then also, do you think he

[Mike]

know he knew the girl? Do you think he knew the girl he wanted to have a threesome with already?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Honestly, I think so. Because, I mean, that's a. That's not an easy conversation to bring up. Like, hey, babe, let's. Let's bring a new girl into the bedroom.

[Mike]

I think it's like a natural hypothetical couple of question at the beginning of relationship.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

I mean, I think it can be. But also, like, if you're the girl, it can kind of catch you off guard. Like, damn, what was wrong with the bedroom in the first place? Like, we gotta spice it up with a whole other person.

[Pat]

Yeah. Okay, so you. You have. You. Are you in a relationship?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

I am you.

[Pat]

So your man never brought or a woman ever brought threesomes to you?

[Steven]

No.

[Mike]

Do you think he wants a threesome? If you think you present. If you. Do you think if you presented a threesome to him, do you think he'd say yes?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

No.

[Pat]

That's what you think? No, you dead ass.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Like, wait, you mean if I'm coming to him?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Well, I'll probably have to come with another girl because if I come with another, I don't think that's gonna be no.

[Caller with 2 dads]

No.

[Mike]

Okay, I get you saying, you're right. It probably would. Another dude. He probably would be like, nah.

[Pat]

Because you should never assume. Because a lot of dudes be like, oh, I want a threesome. And they just assume they girl wants another girl, right?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

So, you know, when you talk about another man now, I was, oh, what's wrong with this? And you've been wanting to them, like, it could just open up doors.

[Mike]

I'm saying, what if you. What if you brought up another girl, though? Do you think he'll say this?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

I think he might be suspicious.

[Pat]

Okay. Yeah, he'll be suspicious after. After he does.

[Steven]

He's like,

[Pat]

hold on.

[Caller with 2 dads]

No.

[Pat]

Okay. You like, okay, I told you I. I was done. And when I was sitting in the chair, y' all was still going at it. What was all that about?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Right? I ain't never seen you do stuff like that before. Now all of a sudden, you know, you will let this in the bedroom,

[Pat]

you know, so you. So you would never. So, like, has your man ever approached you about spicing up the bedroom?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

No, my current boyfriend hasn't. My ex has.

[Pat]

Okay, how long you been dating your current boyfriend?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Six months.

[Pat]

Okay, give it time. Give it time. Give it time.

[Mike]

Even. Give it time. But that's especially. He would want a threesome right now. Six months in. You know, y' all barely know each

[Pat]

other basically right now. Y' all just.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Exactly six months in. We got a problem. Like, just go ahead.

[Pat]

Yeah, it's, like, boring. You know what I mean? Y', all. You know, it's practicing right now when you get, like, a new partner in basketball, y' all work on chess passes and shit. But then eventually he gonna want a three man weave, you know what I'm saying?

[Wife of H]

You know what?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

When the topic come up, I'm gonna use that example. And if I call y' all back talking about I got my head knocked between the washer and dryer, we gonna have to reevaluate.

[Pat]

Nah, you need to call the Post.

[Mike]

What the fuck?

[Pat]

You need to call the Popost. Don't call us.

[Mike]

All right, you have a good one.

[Pat]

Call God. Yes, sir.

[Carrie]

You too.

[Mike]

Yo.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Hello.

[Mike]

I hate when people pick up, like, confused. What up, man? I got a question for you. What's something about you that no one would believe?

[Caller with 2 dads]

Something no one would believe is, sorry. I got two dads and they both left me.

[Pat]

Okay, how does that work?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

My.

[Caller with 2 dads]

My biological dad, he left before I was born.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

And then my.

[Caller with 2 dads]

My stepdad, he left when I was like, five.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Damn.

[Pat]

Double homicide. What? That's not funny, though.

[Mike]

No, it's not.

[Caller with 2 dads]

No, I like but you know, I cope by laughing.

[Pat]

Yeah, same like when I. Like when something real serious I get. Little Chuck Lee ain't gonna lie because it's up.

[Caller with 2 dads]

It's bad.

[Pat]

So you have no contact with either to this day. How old are you now?

[Caller with 2 dads]

I'm 23.

[Pat]

23. No contact with either one of them?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

No.

[Caller with 2 dads]

I was in contact with my stepdad and then he ghosted me like three years ago.

[Pat]

Three years ago he checked back in? Yeah.

[Caller with 2 dads]

He owed me money, so I needed. He just thought that.

[Pat]

What do you, like, what do you do for a living?

[Caller with 2 dads]

I'm just like government worker.

[Carrie]

Okay.

[Pat]

Good job. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like, they missing out.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

I hope.

[Mike]

Like

[Pat]

another question.

[Mike]

This is gonna sound so bad. Oh, man. Your mom in your life, right?

[Caller with 2 dads]

Yeah.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Did she ever say, like, what happened? Why both of them left?

[Caller with 2 dads]

I don't know about my biological dad, but I think my step. That he got. He was. He was faking checks or something. I don't know.

[Mike]

He was what?

[Caller with 2 dads]

He got like, deported.

[Pat]

Oh, so he didn't leave you? He got deported?

[Caller with 2 dads]

No, but like it was his fault. Like he definitely could have stayed if you locked in, but that.

[Pat]

But he didn't leave you, though. He just like, was being. He did something else. Like he didn't leave on purpose. He wasn't like set himself up so he can get out of the situation.

[Caller with 2 dads]

I mean, like, fair, but like low key. Like you could just be like a decent human and just not get deported, you know, like, it was definitely like he made. He took actions and behavior that's like, you know, it wasn't like a accident. I need him then and I don't need him.

[Pat]

Well, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'm gonna get through college without him. I'm gonna get a great job without him. I'm gonna marry me a beautiful honey and I'm have me a whole bunch of kids. I'm gonna be a better father than he ever was. And I sure as hell don't need it for this. Ain't a damn thing he could ever teach me about how to love my kids.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Is that what it's meant?

[Pat]

How come he don't want me, man?

[Caller with 2 dads]

I think. I think I actually cried when I saw that for the first time as a kid.

[Carrie]

Probably.

[Pat]

It's probably, probably double the cry.

[Mike]

Just trying to bring some. Some laughter to this situation. Because it's a up situation. Why are you telling us that both your dad left you?

[Pat]

Like, I wonder if they got it. I wonder. I wonder if they text like yeah. You got out of there, too?

[Mike]

Yeah, man.

[Carrie]

Three years ago.

[Mike]

Yeah, little.

[Pat]

Still weird, man. I checked in.

[Mike]

Don't worry, bro.

[Pat]

No, fuck both of them. Yeah, no real shit.

[Mike]

You're doing well for yourself, right?

[Pat]

If I ever run into them, I beat the shit out of both of them for you, bro.

[Mike]

Facts.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Thank you, man.

[Pat]

Real shit. I do got. I do gotta ask, like, what? Like, why did they leave before I start swinging? Just in case it's like a valid. But I'm 99.9. Sure I'm swinging on them. But just that point one is just like, yo, he a weird ass kid. Oh, yeah, I get it.

[Mike]

Appreciate you, bro. You have a good one.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Yeah, it's too much. All right.

[Pat]

We ain't gonna leave you, bro.

[Mike]

We here for you, bro.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Oh, thank you. Can I, like, text you guys and stuff?

[Mike]

No, but block that.

[Pat]

We out too. Make it seven.

[Mike]

What it do? What it do? Welcome to Crash Enemies Podcast.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Mike]

I got a question for you. What's something about you that no one would believe?

[Lawyer Mike]

All right.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Something about me nobody will believe is my body count is 1.5.

[Mike]

Okay. Like, I guess the question is where the 0.5 come from?

[Caller with 2 dads]

So

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

I'm not the type to not count my bodies, because if you got a body, you got a body. But, like, I just can't bring myself to give this one a whole point, you know? I mean, I think it doesn't deserve it. I don't think it met the requirements. But I'll tell y' all the story and y' all tell me, like, am I. Should it count as a body? Or like, am I good?

[Lawyer Mike]

Okay,

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

but this was. It was back like a couple years ago.

[Mike]

Nope, no backstory. Just get straight to it. Like, what? Why is it not about.

[Pat]

Yeah, we don't play that foreplay.

[Mike]

We don't need. We don't need the whole backstory. We'll ask the questions we needed, though.

[Pat]

There's a little bit up and go.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

All right, Basically, it was 3am

[Wife of H]

I

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

was out of character. I picked the girl up from her house, we went to a random dark ass parking lot. Not even a parking lot. It was a street with no houses. Somehow it was under construction. I don't know. And it was just like, it didn't smell good. I started getting that air. And then, like, not even, like, five minutes into it, I got. I. I basically got post nut clarity before. You know what I'm

[Wife of H]

saying?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Like, I got premature post nuclear.

[Pat]

Okay?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

So I don't think so. Like, I had to dead it. I felt bad, but, like, I couldn't.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I gotta go.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

My just like, kc, you know what I'm saying? I'm doing this for me.

[Mike]

So you too tapped in. How'd you. How'd you bring it to a halt? I guess

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

I halted it. What you mean? I just. I. I just was like, you know what? I'm sorry, I gotta go home. And then I put my shirt back on. She stayed in the back seat for some reason. So I was just.

[Steven]

I was attacking driver at that point.

[Pat]

That's crazy. Turning into an Uber driver after a

[Mike]

failed mission is crazy. No, that still counts as a body, though.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

But does it though?

[Mike]

Yes, bro.

[Carrie]

Yeah, for sure.

[Pat]

No, it definitely. It definitely count as a body. It actually count more as a body than that first one that you holding on to. You know what I'm saying? Because it's like, why, yes, the bad experiences count more of a body than, like, the good experiences. Because if you had like a good experience and then it's like, let's say it's a one night stand, but you and a girl still got respect for each other and y' all become friends, that body kind of disappears. But when it's like a bad body, like, next time you see this girl out in public, that's all either one of y' all can think about you telling us. So I know you told your friends. She telling all her friends. More people know about this body than they do your other one body. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

No, no.

[Pat]

Dead ass.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

She cannot have told nobody. No, no, no.

[Pat]

She definitely tells, but whoever she didn't tell, you filled the cup with the rest of the by telling the podcast.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

All right, but nobody, like, nobody knows, though, you know, like, I drove. I drove 45 to 50 minutes away for this. It was far from home, you know what I'm saying? Nobody knows. For real.

[Pat]

Okay, Spider Man.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

But my. My other body, though, is solid. That's my girlfriend, bro.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Whoa.

[Pat]

But it was. So this is.

[Mike]

Wait, who was first?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Come on, bro. Does it matter?

[Pat]

No. No way. You set us up. You had me thinking, like, you like some innocent dude or something like that. That's what you get.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

No, I am, though.

[Pat]

So you.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

But.

[Pat]

But you cheated and then you draw. You drove 50 minutes to cheat? That's crazy.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

No, no, no, no. It was before. That one was before. But I'm saying I have 1.5, because after that, I still had zero bodies.

[Pat]

So that girl took your virginity?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

No, no, I still had zero bodies after that.

[Pat]

But I'M just saying, like, if we count that body. She took her virginity because you said 0.5. Still at 0.5,

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

I guess, bro.

[Pat]

Oh, you mad she took your Virginia?

[Mike]

Okay, I can kind of see why you don't want to count it. Because of your first.

[Pat]

Oh, wait, wait. Did you tell your girlfriend that you're her first?

[Caller with 2 dads]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So your girlfriend doesn't know about this body?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Fuck no. Only.

[Pat]

That's why you. Hold on.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Only two people. Only two people know about this.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, we're. Hey, we got your secret. We got you. Yeah, we're not gonna tell.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Nobody

[Mike]

is stupid, bro.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

We stupid, bro.

[Mike]

Bro, you. You can't add either.

[Pat]

Wait, how old are you?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

I'm 20.

[Pat]

20. Okay. You need to experience a little bit more. Nigga had one bad sex experience and then found his wife, ran to the first good smelling coochie he could find. This smell good? I'm staying.

[Mike]

Oh, man. All right, man.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Well, I got a bona pick with y' all real quick.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pat]

What you got? Got what you got?

[Wife of H]

My.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Oh, actually, no, I can't say this your girl?

[Pat]

What?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

No, no, no, no.

[Pat]

What you was about to say about your girl,

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

bro. She asked y' all to tell me happy birthday, and y' all stopped responding in that same week on the pod. Y' all told somebody else happy birthday.

[Pat]

Who? Did she reach out to the main page?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

That don't matter.

[Pat]

She has to reach out, bro.

[Mike]

Obviously, we. If we saw it, we would have said it. Yeah, Happy birthday, bro. We're saying you're right now, when was your birthday?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

See, I. You act like I don't watch the pod. Bro, I watch the pod. Come on.

[Pat]

What? You just brought it up.

[Carrie]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Get this off the phone.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

No, I already know. Y' all got the little FBI switching

[Mike]

to that fact for you.

[Pat]

Why don't we switch for you?

[Mike]

Like.

[Pat]

Like, be honest.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Like, dude, but look, but look, but look, but look. I'm a real one. I started off audio listener. I'm not gonna lie. I started off on Spotify. I'm on the YouTube now. Patreon. Coming soon. Soon as I turn 21, I'm there for the live show.

[Pat]

All our live shows aren't 21 plus. Just depends on, like, where we're at.

[Mike]

So what city you live in, though?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Yo, Ty, come on, bro.

[Mike]

That was me. That.

[Pat]

That's my.

[Mike]

I'm saying, what city do you go live in so I can tell you the venue?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

No, bro, I'mma just. I trust I'll be there, bro.

[Mike]

You act like, bro, you act like we can't just look at your know everything about you.

[Pat]

You trying to hold that secret. You trying to hold the secret that you had sex before your girlfriend. That bad? You must have lied about. You must. That must have been part of your selling point of being her boyfriend that you were a virgin. It had to be.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Nah, like you wouldn't say that.

[Pat]

You deep in. Then what would be wrong? Was she a virgin when she came to you?

[Caller with 2 dads]

No.

[Pat]

Then what's wrong with that?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Well, I. I already overcame obstacles with her, so. Like why I said another one, bro,

[Pat]

how you overcome what? Like what obstacles did you overcome?

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

This might be even crazier, but I had a. I had a really close friend and I had been know her before I met my girl. So I told my girl she was my cousin and she lived out of state because I moved states after I met her. And I basically went back to visit and I was staying in her house and my cousin, my girl thought she was my cousin the whole time. And then she found out that wasn't my cousin. So you can imagine how she tweaked out and what she thought about it.

[Pat]

But you didn't have sex with that girl.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Nah, hell no. She was my really close friend.

[Pat]

How many like.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Well, I was like, if I say that's my friend, it's not believable, bro. If I'm staying at her house.

[Pat]

Yeah, bro, you're like, yeah, the problems you're going through are very minuscule. You're just creating. 20, bro, 20. And he's creating drama for himself. Like, you literally could have just been

[Mike]

honest that think he on Love island or some. They could create his own plot.

[Steven]

What?

[Pat]

You literally could admit it to both of these. I'm pretty sure you would still have your girl. Like, there's like. These are very like, like minimal things. The lie is worse than both of those things.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

But I still got my girl anyways.

[Mike]

All right, for now.

[Pat]

Bro, if you lying about this, you'll lie about anything, bro. You just bound to get caught up. And these be stupid ass lies that could easily be broken. Like, look, man, if she get a hold of that other girl with the. With the stinky, she gonna.

[Mike]

All right, man. You have a good one, bro.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

All right, Y' all too.

[Lawyer Mike]

Yo, what's happening with y' all boys, man?

[Pat]

What's good? I got a question for you.

[Lawyer Mike]

Yeah, talk to me.

[Pat]

All right, let's use something different. I got a question for you,

[Caller with 2 dads]

man.

[Lawyer Mike]

Pat always on the man. Ask the question.

[Pat]

That's better than what he said before. He's like, talk to me on some weird. All right, I got you, bro. If you could change the price of anything to a dollar, what would you change?

[Lawyer Mike]

I would change getting out on bond to a dollar,

[Pat]

like for this to apply to you or like, apply to your homeboy so you can get them out.

[Lawyer Mike]

No, I feel like if it applied to everybody in general, like, I feel like people would take like less risk if they knew that like a could get out on bond for a dollar. You feel me?

[Pat]

I don't, I don't think that makes sense.

[Mike]

It doesn't at all.

[Lawyer Mike]

No, no. So. So check me out. Check me out. So like, if, if you're out somewhere and you know, like, y' all got like the podcast to lose, I got like this legal to lose, right? And a know that, you know, he come up to you and he like, like, hey, I smack the out of you. You know, something like that, right? You got to think about the stuff that you got to lose today. But if you got, if you could get out on bond for a dollar, hey, you might take things differently or they might not say that or.

[Pat]

But that, but that's, but that's, but that's dumb though, because, like, if you getting out on bond, the charges don't go away. You just getting out on bond on bond and you still gotta go to your court date.

[Mike]

If someone's a terror to society and they go to jail, say, let's say some type of DV stuff going on, right? And they go to jail and they can get out for a dollar, you think it would be more DV cases, Don't you think this.

[Lawyer Mike]

I, I. Mike, you changed my mind, bro. You should be able to get out for a dollar only on certain charge.

[Pat]

What chart. What charges should you be able to get out a dollar.

[Lawyer Mike]

Let's stealing for sure, you know, assault, but not DV for show. And then all of the other minor. You should go away for killing dv. All of that, you should go away. Everything else a dollar. Okay.

[Pat]

What? Have you ever been out on by.

[Lawyer Mike]

No, I'm a lawyer,

[Mike]

Bro. I feel sorry for your client, brother.

[Pat]

We really do. But like, I honestly think that just going off, like how Mike was able to change your mind that quick. I think, I think you're, you're a bad lawyer and. Wait, wait, let me finish. No, no, no, no, no, let me finish. And, and because you're a bad lawyer, I want you to go buy a big ass suit. That way people know that you're a bad lawyer when they see you.

[Lawyer Mike]

Actually, I'm a great lawyer. I don't. Look, I don't practice. I don't practice criminal law.

[Pat]

Oh, we know. We know. You have to tell us. But Mike.

[Lawyer Mike]

No, Mike made a. Mike made a good point, bro. You know, as a real bro, if you make a good point, he make a good point.

[Pat]

My lawyer is saying, as a real. I'm doing life. Good news, the payment went through. Bad news, you got. Hey, it is what it is.

[Mike]

All right, bro. You have a good one, man. Nah, man.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

All right, man.

[Lawyer Mike]

Hey, hey, shout out to your podcast, bro. I've been with y' all for a long time, bro. You should really be getting me through, bro.

[Pat]

Man, shout out to your inmate clients, man. We all the biggest

[Mike]

stay in appeal court. Appeal, appeal, appeal, appeal. That's all that know.

[Pat]

The favorite word to tell his client we'll be back, bro. That already got the rally speed

[Mike]

already coming out. We not really. The little media, they be coming out today wasn't that day in court. Neither was yesterday or the day before.

[Pat]

Now, what's your record, bro?

[Mike]

Gene.

[Lawyer Mike]

Hey, my clients with me, bro.

[Pat]

What's your record, bro?

[Lawyer Mike]

I'm not a. I'm not a criminal attorney, bro. I do contracts and.

[Pat]

But I'm just saying, what's your record, dude? Like, what, do you win cases or what?

[Lawyer Mike]

Oh, of course, bro.

[Steven]

I don't.

[Lawyer Mike]

I don't lose, bro.

[Pat]

I don't lose.

[Steven]

Okay.

[Pat]

Just stay away from criminal, bro.

[Lawyer Mike]

Hey, I take your advice, too, since I. Since I took Mike's advice, I'm gonna take your advice.

[Mike]

All right, bro? Yeah, man.

[Steven]

Yo, yo.

[Pat]

What's the word? Welcome to crash on me's podcast.

[Steven]

What's the word? What's the word? Pleasure to be here.

[Pat]

Pleasure.

[Carrie]

Where are you from?

[Steven]

Me? From New York.

[Pat]

Oh, okay. Didn't it sound like you had a different lingo at first?

[Carrie]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Pat]

Like, what are you. Like, where. Like, where are you from?

[Lawyer Mike]

From?

[Steven]

I'm Mexican.

[Pat]

Okay. That's what it is. A Mexican New Yorker. Okay, I'm starting to put it together now. I had a question for you.

[Steven]

All right, what's the question?

[Pat]

If you could change the price of anything to a dollar, what would it be and why?

[Steven]

Okay, so I said I would change the price of escorts. They'd be so expensive. Imagine all the escort you could get for a dollar. And I don't know if you guys been Roosevelt in New York or if you heard about it.

[Mike]

No, no.

[Steven]

Well, it's like a whole strip, right? Like, there's so much talent. Like, you know, Colombia, Venezuelan, like mine. All the escrow you could get just with $1.

[Pat]

Okay, let's just say like this, this scenario is true and they actually cost a dollar. Like what? Like, like what are you talking here? Like, what are you putting together,

[Steven]

like a roster? Like a squad? You could say, let me see, how many, how many girls can I choose though?

[Pat]

You can do whatever you got the amount of money, like we going off your. Based off your bank account and what you usually spend and like the actual, like, are you able to house all these girls?

[Steven]

It's not like I usually go. N N. I have a whole girlfriend. I don't go. I used to go, but not anymore.

[Mike]

Okay, what were you paying back then?

[Steven]

Maybe let's say like 100. 120.

[Pat]

120.

[Steven]

Yeah, but I was like, for what? Like for like 45 minutes.

[Mike]

45 minutes.

[Steven]

45 minutes.

[Pat]

Just one girl.

[Steven]

It was everything, you know.

[Pat]

Okay, so that's what you was going for. We just trying to figure out because you know, some people be doing it for like oral. Some people literally be doing it just to hang with a girl. He want to hang with a bad type. And like. So what would you do with that? 120 if you were still in that scenario because you got a girlfriend now

[Steven]

Let me see. I would get probably a Colombian. I'm not gonna lie, because they're so bad. Let me see, I'll get a Dominican. You know, they have fat ass. And I'm not gonna lie. I mean, I'm Mexican. I never been with a black woman, but they'd be having black woman's and they're just so beautiful. I'll get one just to try one. So I think that would be my roster. Those three.

[Mike]

Okay. What's your girlfriend?

[Steven]

I don't know. I don't know. My girlfriend's Ecuadorian.

[Mike]

South America.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So when this question came up, right. And you saw this question on our story, right?

[Steven]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

What made you go to escorts if you're already in a relationship?

[Steven]

Why? Because I just imagine like if I was single, you know, I would just go. Instead of doing all that effort, like, you know, taking a girl, talking to a girl, paying for her food, I just waste a dollar and you know, bus a nut and that's it.

[Mike]

So as a person that's never like paid for an escort, right. You got to kind of walk me through this. What? The day you decide that you want to start paying, what was kind of going through? Were you just like A dry spell for you?

[Steven]

No, I just wanted to. To be honest, one of the bus is not. And like, since it's a well known spot around in New York, then, you know, everyone knows to go there. You guys come to New York, I'll show you around. No, I mean, I know you guys have.

[Mike]

No, thank you.

[Pat]

We know you going even though you gotta go.

[Lawyer Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

When's the last time you went?

[Caller with 2 dads]

Right?

[Steven]

I probably like, what, four or three years ago.

[Pat]

Four or three years ago.

[Steven]

I've been with my girl four years.

[Pat]

Four or three, though. You said three.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Yeah.

[Steven]

I got to remember at night it's four. Is four. Is four.

[Mike]

Does she know that you used to.

[Steven]

So. No, she never. She would. She doesn't know. She would never find out.

[Mike]

Okay, okay.

[Pat]

We not even going to try to get you caught, bro. Hey, like, oh, maybe hopefully you reform. You. You swear you're not doing that to her so our. Our women listeners don't get mad at us?

[Steven]

Yeah, yeah, I swear I'm not doing that to her. I'm a loyal guy. We're engaged.

[Pat]

Okay, good. Congratulations, bro.

[Steven]

Yeah, yeah, thank you. Thank you.

[Pat]

Nasty piece of.

[Steven]

Wait, wait, I gotta mention, you guys, I mentioned something.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Go ahead, you guys.

[Steven]

You guys. Well, first, shout out to my brother Wilbur and my cousin Brandon.

[Pat]

I mean, even though.

[Steven]

Even though she might not hear it. Yeah, shout out to Sabrina Carpenter. You know, she's fine as hell. Not gonna lie. I don't know if you know who

[Pat]

that is, but you shouldn't be saying this. You got a girl.

[Steven]

Nah, it's. It's okay. It's okay. My girl doesn't listen to this. She won't know.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Steven]

And then last time, I mean, you guys called my brother and you guys told him that you're gonna put on the podcast, and you guys never put him.

[Pat]

What was your brother? What was your brother name? See if I remember.

[Steven]

Wolver. I think he was on the phone. He was delivering pizza or something.

[Pat]

Where is he from here?

[Steven]

From Mexico too. We live in Saint Links.

[Pat]

Oh, same New York, near Roseville.

[Steven]

No, no, no, no, no, no. As well. I mean, he does actually live near. More near than me, though.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Steven]

I'm gonna lie.

[Pat]

Huh? Is he? Yeah. So who older out of y' all two?

[Steven]

Me. Me. We actually went to your Brooklyn show. I don't even remember. I was in the front and you came out, you said like, oh, why are you smiling too much?

[Pat]

What you look like? What you look like? What you look like? I gotta remember this.

[Steven]

Me, I look. What? Short black hair?

[Pat]

Six feet. Oh, okay. Did I meet you. What was your name again?

[Steven]

Steven.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

Such an idiot, bro. You're so stupid, bro.

[Pat]

Oh my God, bro.

[Mike]

Have a good one, bro.

[Steven]

All right, take care.

[Pat]

Yo, what's up?

[Carrie]

What up?

[Pat]

I forgot which, which question. We'll remind you, bro.

[Mike]

What's something about you that no one will believe?

[Caller with 2 dads]

These.

[Pat]

Oh, when I go to ATMs.

[Wife of H]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Sometimes, like, you know how the ATM got a little trash can for you to dump your receipt at the end of it?

[Steven]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So I ain't gonna lie.

[Lawyer Mike]

Sometimes I'll be at the atm, I

[Steven]

put my money out.

[Pat]

Now grab one and just look at it. Just to compare the trash my accounts to other people. What. What do you usually find?

[Mike]

What was the biggest? Oh, yeah. What was the biggest amount you seen?

[Steven]

Biggest.

[Lawyer Mike]

I find.

[Pat]

Well, usually fine, It'd be like 100,

[Steven]

200 in that council.

[Pat]

The biggest one I found might have 40k in the checkers account. And I'm like, God damn.

[Mike]

So what do you do with that information?

[Pat]

Realistically?

[Steven]

Nothing.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Does it, I, I use it.

[Pat]

Does it motivate you a little bit? I mean, I, I know, you know I gotta save more, but that, I mean, life.

[Mike]

So what's the lowest you've seen?

[Pat]

Somebody had an account and it was

[Steven]

negative 37 at the ATM.

[Mike]

It's crazy.

[Pat]

They probably got denied and they just got the receipt. I've been there before, bro.

[Mike]

I've definitely had negatives in my account.

[Pat]

I literally tried to go to the ATM and get $60 and then got a receipt back. Like, nah, nigga, you owe us.

[Mike]

Right? I always select not to show my balance either on those receipts.

[Pat]

No, you show my balance. Especially now. I give like this a little motivation.

[Mike]

No, I don't like to see my balance. I don't even like checking my bank

[Pat]

account, you know what I'm saying? I never pulled my receipt out, so. Hey, ain't catching me. Like, I'm catching up. If somebody not to say what's in your bank account, but if somebody saw your bank account, would they be motivated or what?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Hey, man, he, he doing okay.

[Pat]

Okay, that's good. That's all that matter in this economy, bro.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Yeah, the way the world going, hey, I'm doing okay.

[Pat]

My rent paid.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I'm good.

[Pat]

That's right, bro. Bills paid, rent pay. You got a girl?

[Steven]

Yeah, yeah. She, she, she, she chilling.

[Pat]

She chilling. You take care of hers? Yeah, yeah, I do.

[Carrie]

That's what I'm saying.

[Pat]

That's all that matter. I'm just trying to like up your. You got a girl, job, car, place to live. You, you doing good, bro. You got money left over in a bank account. Not a lot of Americans can say that. Not a lot of people around the world. You know what I mean? You're doing good.

[Steven]

I appreciate that.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Pat]

But that 40k, don't let him around your girl. If I see him, listen, we got a bop.

[Mike]

All right, bro. You have a good one, bro. Bro.

[Lawyer Mike]

All right, man.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Y' all be easy.

[Mike]

All right? Peace.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Yo, take your time, brother. Take your time.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Shut up.

[Mike]

Hey, welcome to Michael Pat.

[Caller with 2 dads]

It's Mike on this Mike.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. Welcome to Crash Dummies podcast, bro.

[Caller with 2 dads]

What's going on, brother? How you doing, man?

[Mike]

Pretty good yourself, man.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Hey, living the dream, man. Living the dream.

[Mike]

All right, I got a question for you, man. What's something about you that. What's something. What's something about you that.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Hold on.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Take.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Caller with 2 dads]

This is a Patreon episode. It's Patreon.

[Pat]

Oh, no, bro, you just yapping. Damn. Let that ask a question.

[Mike]

What's something about you that. Oh, my gosh. All right, I'm away.

[Caller with 2 dads]

I'm sorry.

[Mike]

All right. What's something about you that people wouldn't believe?

[Caller with 2 dads]

I love being messy with my wife when she tell me the business about her friends.

[Mike]

In what way?

[Caller with 2 dads]

So it's, it's, you know, it's different. You know, it's cool. You got your guys, you got your friends, you know, you're able to, you know, talk about mess with your. With your boys, but it's better when your wife bring it to you about her friends, you know? See what I'm saying? Your girlfriend, your long term relationship, like, she. She want to be able to tell you mess about her friends. It's better than whatever. Mess. Whatever kind of BS your friends on is better than what what you got? Whatever you tell us is always better.

[Mike]

What was some of the. The messy stuff your. Your girl told you about her friends, man?

[Caller with 2 dads]

Hold on. She right here now. Hold on. So it's like so one. Apparently one of her friends husbands be coming to bed. Coming to bed musty. And still after coming from the gym, funky as hell. I want to come and lay up with her and she don't be wanna. She don't be with it. My wife be like, now what do I tell her? Because he coming to bed musty. Funky as hell.

[Lawyer Mike]

But like, why?

[Caller with 2 dads]

What can I do to encourage her, you know, be intimate with him, her spouse, but like I don't know if I would be on Nobody's Musty. That's how I.

[Pat]

No, I feel it. Okay, so my. My question to you is, you don't think you've ever been the subject in that group?

[Caller with 2 dads]

Hell, no.

[Steven]

No.

[Caller with 2 dads]

My wife's right here. Let me ask her. Have I ever been the topic of any conversations about. About being musty, going to bed?

[Pat]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's not. It's not specifically being musty. It's like, have you been a topic of a conversation that you don't know anything about? Because obviously I do. That's musty.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I'm sure.

[Caller with 2 dads]

I mean. I mean, I'm sure probably not musty.

[Pat]

Let her answer it. That's what I'm trying to. Oh, go ahead, babe.

[Caller with 2 dads]

You got it.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

She right here.

[Pat]

It's controlling ass.

[Caller with 2 dads]

I put it on the podcast, but

[Pat]

let her talk, bro.

[Wife of H]

Hi. How are y'? All?

[Mike]

Good. Yourself?

[Wife of H]

I'm doing well. International.

[Mike]

Happy Wednesday.

[Pat]

I'm not. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not even trying to be. Be rude, but, like, it sounds like it's like somebody like, mocking a woman's voice. Like, is her voice that high?

[Caller with 2 dads]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Pat]

No, I hear it. I hear it now. I hear it now. My fault.

[Mike]

International.

[Pat]

Happy International. You know, I had to make sure he wasn't pranking us because her voice was high as hell.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Okay.

[Caller with 2 dads]

It's cool.

[Wife of H]

Oh, no, I understand. He's like that. He's crazy.

[Pat]

Oh, she said I'm crazy. Okay. Has he ever been a subject of conversation with the group chat that he don't know about?

[Wife of H]

Yes.

[Pat]

I told you, bro. He nervous laughing. What was it?

[Caller with 2 dads]

We'll find out more. Nicky, you ask her.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Hold on.

[Pat]

What? Like, what was the subject? If you could be real with us.

[Wife of H]

Okay, so basically I'll say, like, this is because we're married now, but while we were dating, it had been my first, like, real long term relationship that I had had, like, in a few years. So the friend that I'm talking to that he's talking about right now, she was able to really like, to help me. Even though she's not really too, too happy in her relationship, I feel like she was able to give some good advice on, like, how to handle different situations. Because I think that, like, as we were, as I was coming into the relationship, sometimes you can have kind of delusional.

[Pat]

Okay, what did he do?

[Mike]

Talking too much.

[Pat]

Y' all perfect for each other.

[Lawyer Mike]

Yeah.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Talking.

[Wife of H]

Anything.

[Pat]

My fault. You're right. You're right. My Fault.

[Wife of H]

He could be a little bit arrogant sometimes, and at first, it was one of the things that I liked about him, but then he started getting to talk too much trash, and he started getting on my nerves.

[Mike]

I can hear it.

[Pat]

So. So did you, like. So you had to go to your, like, homegirl to be like, what do I do about it? What advice does she give you?

[Wife of H]

Yes, exactly, because she was basically telling me, like, to express myself. But make sure you do it in a way that, like. Like, still conveys the love in the relationship, because the friend that we talking about, that she's married to, he's close with a friend, so sometimes they have, like, the same behavior, and so she knows exactly what I'm talking about.

[Pat]

Got it. Got it.

[Mike]

He's just not musty like her.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Oh, hell, no.

[Pat]

Hell, he don't know that. He don't know that.

[Mike]

She might just got used to your.

[Pat]

She literally say, y' all two birds of a feather that flock together.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Come on, now.

[Pat]

That musty. You musty, too.

[Mike]

Do you know that? That is true, though, if he's musty.

[Caller with 2 dads]

No, it's not.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no. It just. You might. You might not be musty, right? But people would think that you're also musty because proximity to musty, and I'm people.

[Caller with 2 dads]

I'm. I'm with you. I'm with you, Mike, but, like, not.

[Wife of H]

Not.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Not that far, man.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay. You never know, though.

[Pat]

What's. Okay. What's. What's. What's something? Let's. I want to lead this positive. What's something y' all love about each other?

[Caller with 2 dads]

One thing. Oh, yeah, My wife, man, she can talk about anybody. She talk to anybody.

[Steven]

She can have a. Have a good time.

[Caller with 2 dads]

She can blend in, mesh well with anyone. For me, I'm just here. I'm just. I'm happy to be a part of whatever she got going on.

[Wife of H]

So I'm sorry. Let me make a correction, because what he said was, she can talk about anybody. I think he misspoke, and what he meant was, she can talk to anybody.

[Caller with 2 dads]

I knew.

[Steven]

I feel what I meant.

[Wife of H]

But anyway, something I like about him is that he can stick. He can make a boundary and really stick to it. I can be more of a people pleaser, so I appreciate him in that way.

[Pat]

Oh, he'll be standing on business for you, huh?

[Caller with 2 dads]

And he's not funky.

[Pat]

She still.

[Steven]

She still.

[Pat]

She still has not confirmed. Have you ever. Have you ever smelled him musty? Like he. Has he ever been musty around?

[Wife of H]

See?

[Pat]

No, Cap, that's cap you. She's lying.

[Caller with 2 dads]

No, you.

[Pat]

She's.

[Wife of H]

He could go. He can go without a shower, like, for the next.

[Pat]

What you doing? You just got good genetics. You musty just like the other he.

[Mike]

As I said, she just used to his st.

[Wife of H]

He just.

[Pat]

Where he at, man?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Where key at?

[Pat]

Oh, my God. He just get flat. The other dude just get flack for it. This. Get away with it because he. He don't get musty easy.

[Mike]

All right, bro. You have a good one, bro.

[Pat]

Take a shower,

[Caller with 2 dads]

listeners.

[Mike]

Hey, bro. Appreciate you. Yo, welcome to Crash Dummy's podcast. How are you?

[Wife of H]

I'm good.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

How are you?

[Mike]

Pretty good. Happy international woman century, by the way.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Thank you so much.

[Pat]

I appreciate it.

[Mike]

I didn't want to say that.

[Pat]

I don't know why they trying to spin a narrative that I'm misogynistic so Mike feeding into it. Yeah, they trying to, like. They trying to get me out of here. They don't know if I get. If I get too much pushback, I just quit. Like, I don't give a. Anywho. How you doing?

[Wife of H]

I'm great. How are y'?

[Carrie]

All?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Good.

[Pat]

Good, good, good. We got a question for you. You okay or not Question any who name something that sounds fake, but it's actually real.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

My old friend started beefing me just

[Wife of H]

so she could with my old sneaky link.

[Mike]

Oh, oh, old. Old sneaky link. Okay.

[Pat]

Oh, okay. Let's. How she start something?

[Mike]

So wait, hold on. Let's just get to the sneaky link part. So you were. You had a sneaky link. So that means you were in a relationship and this is somebody you were seeing.

[Lawyer Mike]

No, no.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

So, like, you know, we really have no relations for.

[Pat]

We were just, you know, sneaking and

[Wife of H]

geeking type of thing.

[Pat]

Oh, this is. This is like, go up. What the. You calling this bro? Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, Okay. I knew that already. I can tell. I can tell you not a cheater. I don't know why Mike assumed that. No, no, no.

[Mike]

That's what sneaky like means, though.

[Pat]

No, it don't. Sneaky link is sometimes just somebody you

[Mike]

trying to see on the low.

[Pat]

No, it's friends with benefits, but you don't want anybody to know, so it's your sneaky link. Sneaky link don't always have to mean cheating. Clock them, ladies. Clock them. Anywho, what was he talking about again?

[Mike]

How you borrowed that shirt from me?

[Pat]

This out of my closet Nigerian special. I like a goalie. Oh, yeah. Well, we can't remember what the she said.

[Mike]

Back to your story.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Oh, yeah?

[Pat]

Yeah. What's your. How do you know your best friend was doing that?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

So she started trying.

[Mike]

Of course it cut off.

[Pat]

Of course it cut off.

[Mike]

When he started. Hold on. Start again. She was what?

[Pat]

All right, all right. Edit all this out. Make it tight.

[Mike]

Pause.

[Pat]

No, he shook you.

[Mike]

Pause, pause.

[Lawyer Mike]

I don't care. Keep me there.

[Mike]

Sorry, sorry, sorry. You cut off. This is like, very bad on Women's International Century as well.

[Lawyer Mike]

Go ahead.

[Pat]

No, we. Childish.

[Mike]

Start again, please. I'm sorry, it cut off.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

So she started getting mad at me about stuff that I didn't know about.

[Wife of H]

I asked one of our mutual friends what was going on.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

And I tried to talk to her. I'm like, hey, like, what's going on? And she just, like, was getting mad

[Gene]

over everything, even when I tried to

[Wife of H]

ask her what was going on.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

So she just ain't want to be friends no more. I'm like, all right, can't do anything else about it. But then next thing I know, I peep certain stuff and he telling me

[Wife of H]

like, yeah, she over here trying to get some dick. I was like, whoa. She knew good and well we was trying.

[Mike]

Or successively, like, did.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

I don't know, because I stopped with him, but.

[Pat]

So you never. So you don't even know if it went down.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Someone else told me it did, but

[Wife of H]

okay, it never came from neither one

[Caller discussing threesomes]

of their mouths type.

[Pat]

Got it right. You're right. Why would it. It's a sneaky link, you know?

[Mike]

But if you're not friends, what does she owe you?

[Caller with 2 dads]

But she.

[Pat]

No, no, no. She does owe her. What are you talking about?

[Mike]

Is it not friends?

[Pat]

No, but she. She started a fight. So that means that she already had. She probably had already had sex with him and then was like, oh, I don't want to look like a bad person, and then started to fight with you. I'm letting you know now that don't even. The timeline don't even seem right. Like, oh, I wanna her sneaky link. So now I'm gonna start a fight and then him. It's like, exactly. It probably already happened. They probably already. And she was like, oh, she gonna find out. Imma look like a bad person. Let me make it look like we fell out.

[Mike]

They probably were sneaky links then, right?

[Pat]

I mean, because, like, she knows I

[Caller discussing threesomes]

don't play that, like, you know, back door. Like, I don't like none of that sneaky. Just tell me, head up, like, what's going on?

[Mike]

Only you can do the sneaky.

[Pat]

But she's not doing sneaky shit. Sneaky link. No, she just got her friends with benefits.

[Mike]

Yeah, no, but it's her sneaky link.

[Pat]

But the other girl is a true sneaky link because she going behind her back. She backdoor her friend. That's sneaky. Away from your friend. You supposed to like.

[Caller with 2 dads]

You.

[Pat]

You can have a sneaky link and all your friends know who it is. Just. It's just not the whole world.

[Wife of H]

Exactly.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

I'm not about to be posted up

[Wife of H]

like, hey, I'm gonna go get some dick from this person.

[Pat]

No, saying I is crazy. I should just threw my whole day

[Lawyer Mike]

off

[Pat]

saying I on a dick is crazy. I don't like how that sounds.

[Mike]

I'm about to kiss a dick.

[Pat]

Ah, yeah. Doesn't sound too pleasant to me.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

All right, all right. Let's end this here.

[Mike]

You have a good one.

[Wife of H]

Thank you too. Me and my friend.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Love the pie.

[Mike]

No, I appreciate it.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait. What friend?

[Caller discussing threesomes]

No, not that friend.

[Pat]

I don't talk to her no more. Okay. This a new friend. You trust her?

[Wife of H]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay, Trust.

[Mike]

I mean, you trust her for now.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

I trust her.

[Carrie]

For real.

[Mike]

Until she give you something to like not trust her trust.

[Pat]

Why are you trying to drive him apart?

[Mike]

That's what I'm just saying. The first time her guard was down and she got caught lacking.

[Pat]

Now her guard down, now you worried about her. Come on. Her guard not down. She know what she doing. She got confidence. She on to the next period. Ah, exactly. Not too fast.

[Mike]

Not joking. You have a good one.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

What's up?

[Mike]

What up? What up?

[Caller with 2 dads]

My fault.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

My mic was off the first time.

[Mike]

You good, bro? Pat was mad as hell. He said we shouldn't call you back, but.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

But I'm already knowing that. Hate me. It's cool.

[Mike]

I don't know why he be bro.

[Pat]

I don't know why.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

If you don't got haters, he not doing all right.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Pat]

No, no, no, listen, listen. Mike is trying to like. Mike is trying to make me beef with every caller we have. I don't get it. Don't fall for it, bro. You know, I would have said something already. You know, I would have popped off. I don't even know Pat.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Pat, you say you stay disrespecting me on a tick tock live, so.

[Steven]

Whoa.

[Pat]

Who is it? I have no clue.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I'm the that be drinking. Hella though.

[Pat]

Oh, the Taylor port. What is he drinking? Oh, okay.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

That Taylor port, bro.

[Pat]

Okay. Damn.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

You said what?

[Pat]

No, I. You know what I'm saying. I'm trying to turn over a new Leaf, I'm not even trying to beef

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

with you, but, you know. You know what's good, bro? It might not sound like a lot of days, but I got on six days without drinking, which is a lot to me because, hey, congrats. Trying to lose weight because I'm five eight, 200. Like, that can't stay forever.

[Pat]

Congratulations, bro. Let's take a shot.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I'm not gonna lie. I said six days because I started drinking this morning, bro. I helped Target open because I had to get a bottle.

[Pat]

You helped him lift the gate?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I was there at 7:58. I was there like, yo, like, what's your job today? Like, what's up? Like, yo, y' all got any school left? I was there.

[Pat]

He catching Target members before they even put on their red jacket.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Oh, God, bro. I'll be coming into work, I'd be like. They'd be like, yo, why, yo? Like, I'd be like, my head hurt. They'd be like, why? I was like, I drank 15 shots this morning.

[Mike]

Damn.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Co workers be looking at some.

[Pat]

On some real stuff, bro. I know. I know we joke a lot, but we don't. We don't want you to do that.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I don't want to either, bro.

[Mike]

No, real talk, real talk, real talk. You. Yeah, you will. You would say that you're an alcoholic, right?

[Wife of H]

Right?

[Mike]

And you have.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Yeah, bro, I drink, like, half a bottle.

[Mike]

Have you ever tried, like, to do something to, like, get that, you know, work on it, bro?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Like, I. I was. I would. I'll buy my groceries for the whole week now, so I don't have to go into a store anymore. So I don't buy alcohol. Because if I go into Target, I'll be getting my eggs like my. Like, my chicken and all that. And then I'd be like, damn alcohol. And I'm like, I'll be like, damn, I brought my id.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Like, you know what?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I could just go get some. It's gotten to the point where I would walk into the liquor store. They wouldn't card me nothing. They'd see me. They'd go to the back, get my tailor port, and ring me up. And I was like, bro, I gotta stop.

[Mike]

You ever wanted to check into rehab? Or is that something that's not really in your horizon? Because that could help being in a combined situation.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

My parents Jamaican, so if they see me going to rehab, they probably disowning me, bro. That's the thing, bro.

[Mike]

Like, real talk. Because at the point right now, it's like, you're. You're ruining kind of your life. I don't think you can have like a stable job and be alcoholic, you know?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

No, I gotta say, I got two jobs, but I'm just drinking because the jobs be stressing me out. Yeah, I work 50 hours a week, bro. I gotta come home and drink. Like, that should be me up.

[Mike]

I'm just thinking about longevity, brother. We're gonna try to find you some help, bro. If anybody has any resources to help this guy out, reach out to us and we'll get y' all connected.

[Pat]

Then we'll get it to his drunk.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Please do.

[Mike]

Yeah,

[Pat]

we didn't ask him a question. Hold on. Okay. Name something that sounds fake, but it's actually real.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I think drinking makes you a better person.

[Pat]

Oh, my gosh.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

But let me, like, you gotta hear me out though, right?

[Mike]

Okay.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

So like, like my friends will tell me, like, some, like, a lot of my friends come to me advice. I don't know why, but, like, they treat me as a therapist.

[Wife of H]

This.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

So, like, one of my friends, he came to me, he's like, yo, like, I've been dating this girl for like four months. We went on a break. And then like, after we got off the break, two weeks later, she told me she got chlamydia. And I'm like, damn. Like, that's up. But he's like, yo, she told me it was from this guy. She a year ago. Like, it wasn't recent. So she didn't cheat on me. Not me. I don't got too much experience with hoes. Like, I don't got crazy experience, but I don't. Like, like, she lying. Like, I'm just gonna tell you straight up, like, you. There's no. That gets chlamydia a year after she done the. So I'm just like, bruh, she cheating on you. Like, I'm sorry. Like, and I'm this up this whole day up because he done convinced himself she not cheating. I'm like, bro, she is. The next day, I'm drunk as hell. He called me about the again. And I'm just like, you know what? You right, bro. She a God fearing women. Like, she loves you, bruh. Like, like, y' all gonna marry each other. Like, y' all gonna be cool. And I haven't even. We haven't, like, talked about the for real since then. He's been happy as. Since like, he tr. He trusted what I said. I was like, bro, she lying to you, but I' ma let you have that. When I'm drunk as hell. I be. I'D be like, I'll be letting people have it. Like, my girl be yelling at me, and I'll just be like, seven shots D. I'm like, you know what? You right, bro. When I'm sober. And I'd be yelling right back like, I'm just like. I don't take when I'm sober. When I'm drunk, I let people have that. Like, I wouldn't do if I was sober.

[Caller with 2 dads]

You feel me?

[Pat]

Hey, yo,

[Caller with 2 dads]

Paul.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Hey, bro. Pat, you always think I'm on some gay. I think that's. I think that's a reflection on you.

[Pat]

I just said, hey, yo. That's all I said.

[Mike]

Last day of the month, bro.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

What do you mean by that? Hey, yo.

[Pat]

Then I'm just saying. I don't think it just sounded. I know what you was talking about.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Well, you think I let have my booty paused?

[Pat]

You went to, like. I just said, hey, yo. You went to, like. All right, man.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

So what you mean by the ao, then?

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. Have you been drinking today?

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I'm drunk as right now, bro.

[Pat]

It's like, you're not. Like, you're not gonna go to work

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

in two hours, too.

[Pat]

Yeah. You're just not a fun guy to be around.

[Mike]

Like we said, if anybody got any connections to help this man out, reach out to us.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

Us.

[Mike]

We'll get y' all connected and find him some help. Because no serious real talk, though. We want the best for you, bro. You seem like you have a good, like, you know, personality and everything.

[Pat]

I wouldn't say all that.

[Mike]

I'm just saying you seem like. You seem like a chill dude, and I feel like.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

See, Pat, Mike can box. Mike can box, so I'm gonna let him say whatever he wants.

[Mike]

I'm not even saying anything bad, though.

[Pat]

Yeah, I mean, Mike don't say nothing bad.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

You say I'm not a fun to be around. I'm the life of the party, you mean?

[Pat]

Yeah. If you can make it to the

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

party, come up in the party, be like, yo, take a shot with me, because they know I'm gonna do it.

[Pat]

No, that's. Come on, now.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

That's up.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's up, bro.

[Mike]

All right, bro.

[Pat]

You don't care about.

[Mike]

You. Make sure you drink some water, bro.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

I'm already three bottles deep today. It's 92 degrees out here.

[Mike]

Yeah, drink some water, bro.

[Pat]

Sneak off the show.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Y' all boys have a good day, all right?

[Mike]

I saw an Instagram post that said small things give me the ick. For real? Like, why the are you following McDonald's on Instagram come. And as somebody else said, people following Instagram on Instagram, I. I kind of get it. There are some type of followers that be like, all right, bro, why the ick.

[Pat]

Yes, you got. You got a celebrity limit. Like, like, you know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

Like, you got celebrity like, comment.

[Pat]

Yeah. Have us like, have a style. Like, okay, you live in Milwaukee. You follow Giannis.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Cool.

[Pat]

You like Drake. You follow Drake. Who. Like, the bigger ones are. Okay, but like, like, okay, you follow. You follow Drake. You. Why the Are you following Mack Maine? Like, come on now. Like, okay, you follow Tyga, you follow the whole young money. You follow the main page for young money. Little twist.

[Gene]

No, you gotta remember the time frame of which when we started Instagram, that was cool back then.

[Mike]

No, it was though.

[Gene]

2012, 2011.

[Mike]

This is one of those things that's funny just to make fun of because that probably some follows I had was like, why the. Is Mike following Pepsi?

[Pat]

No, I follow Jesus. And I'm not telling you, I'm literally still from.

[Mike]

There's this bit that we did on the podcast maybe like three, four years ago already.

[Pat]

I wasn't here.

[Mike]

I followed the. I'm in a sperm donor group. So we did it just for research purposes, right? And I've still been in there for three years later. I'm still in that group, just observing for what. It's interesting though, like sometimes I be seeing people's posts. It's just interesting to look at. No, I have to explain that to my girl though.

[Pat]

I've seen a page in there like sometimes, like, because they all sperm donors, sometimes a dudes send a video of him like busting everywhere and everybody put pictures in the comments with an umbrella on. Not me, not me.

[Mike]

I think also it's like the nosiness in me, like when there's like a dude be like looking for I'm a donor in Milwaukee or something like that. And I'd be like, Milwaukee. He click on his profile, I click on his profile.

[Pat]

Like, damn.

[Mike]

That's how this living.

[Pat]

No, that's wild.

[Mike]

It's like three people I know in Milwaukee now, they don't even know I know that about them. They don't know that know that about them. Like, bro, come on now, you got like 10 kids out here.

[Gene]

Every time you see him, you side eyeing them.

[Mike]

They got deadbeat.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy.

[Mike]

Deadbeat tendencies.

[Pat]

Okay, you started tweet of the week.

[Carrie]

Okay, go ahead.

[Pat]

So now we're really rolling to it. That was tweet of the week.

[Mike]

That was more post.

[Pat]

No, no, no. That was tweet of the week. Make sure you put X's all over the news. This is not tweeted Week morning. This tweet says let's fucking go is basically a lu akbar for white boys.

[Mike]

No, it's not.

[Pat]

Yes, it is.

[Mike]

That white. One means, like, praise God.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Huh?

[Mike]

One means, like, praise God.

[Pat]

That's. They. That's. They go, yeah, yeah, let's go. Oh, he love.

[Mike]

That's how you get a white boy charged up, though.

[Pat]

No, let's. No, you, bro. I'm telling you, I was a let's

[Mike]

go person, too, in college, though.

[Pat]

They. They are motivational. Like, if you got a team. That's why, like, the NFL always keep their roster about 50% white. Because you have to, bro. Because the. The less go to rah rah, rah. We got one life to live, boys. They love that.

[Mike]

Especially in college football. We always had that one. Crazy. The crazy white boy that's willing to tackle head first, like, get a concussion for you. That's the type of what you want to do. You have to get turned up like that nigga crazy as hell in war.

[Pat]

That's what you need. You need somebody to just like, okay. It looked like he can take out three dudes, right? So I should be able to go one on one and do my job. So it's just like, let's fucking go.

[Mike]

Real crap out.

[Pat]

In quotes, it says, bro, I told you to leave the ladies alone. Chase the bag first. And the picture under it, it's a dude on the phone cuddled up with his girl. And it just like. That's who gives, like, advice to people. And I be doing that shit, too. I be happy as hell. And I'd be like, man, she disrespecting you. Get the fuck out of here. And my girl be like, please get off the phone. God damn. All right, bro, I'm gonna hit you back. Remember, leave your girl. Would you say baby Love island, though? I get the popcorn. I'm sorry, baby.

[Caller with 2 dads]

I know.

[Pat]

I hate Casey, too, bro.

[Wife of H]

I.

[Pat]

You gotta pretend you hate Casey until he.

[Mike]

It's always funny seeing, like, Love island stuff because I don't watch it, so it's, like, confused. I know, but it's like I get the context, so it's like the memes are still funny to me. Like, even though I don't know anything that's happening, I just see the same girl that's kissing everybody, then another girl that's doing splits and Shit.

[Lawyer Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I'm like,

[Mike]

I think I'm gonna record myself. Myself just watching reacting to Love island and somebody that's never watched it.

[Lawyer Mike]

She.

[Pat]

She. She pooped on herself too, didn't she?

[Gene]

No, she did not poop on herself. That's not true. They said that was the dress.

[Pat]

Did that split too hard? Always the dress.

[Mike]

That's disgusting.

[Pat]

That's crazy you splitting so hard. The split.

[Mike]

What are they like, Is it. How many more episodes of it is it left?

[Gene]

Halfway through.

[Pat]

It's only halfway through.

[Mike]

Damn.

[Pat]

I'm so behind. I'm so like, bro, I hear that

[Mike]

about the people behind me at the Airborne were talking.

[Gene]

It's a bit. It's getting juicy.

[Pat]

That's a good seat. This is probably the most I've ever seen Love island get talked about.

[Mike]

Is this the Love Island America or uk us okay.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I'm telling you, they creating. I'm saying they're creating stars like these. The people that are going to come out of this like I'm telling you,

[Gene]

last season did for sure. The season before it, they did this season. I don't know how it's all going to end up with the. How big their celebrity will end up being. They don't have a lot of fan favorite favorites, but you got a lot of.

[Pat]

But you got people that are getting a little like the soul girl. She got eliminated so early and I still feel like she's popular as hell for somebody that was only on the show for like two or three days.

[Gene]

Popular. But where would she be in five years?

[Pat]

But that's. But that's everybody. Well, shit, where will we be in 5 years?

[Gene]

Better work

[Mike]

just having a concrete talent though.

[Pat]

No, I get it.

[Gene]

Olandria, for example, I think she utilized her moment very well to help rise her stardom. But everybody else. Else did not do that. And so you have a time frame of when you can keep that.

[Mike]

Joseph has a very unique look that is really like. She looks really good.

[Gene]

Yeah, she's very beautiful.

[Pat]

Just got engaged.

[Mike]

Does she look good? I've been married, bro.

[Pat]

No, Harar put the. Where it look like he on camera and with the teeners logo.

[Steven]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

What? She looked good. That's all I said. Okay, this.

[Mike]

I was actually just at the red light district district with my girl.

[Pat]

Oh, fire.

[Mike]

Yeah, I was looking at titties.

[Pat]

And did you pick one out?

[Mike]

Nah.

[Pat]

You didn't? Then what the you in a game for bitch ass? I played a play. All right. This says back shots make you nut fast. Seeing all that ass jiggle and somebody said, I started looking away thinking about my dead relatives. Somebody said, I gotta turn on Martin. Somebody said, don't look down. That's all I could tell you.

[Caller with 2 dads]

The reason.

[Pat]

So I don't, I don't like the, like the relatives thing because, like, it's always a joke to be like, oh, so you don't do it. Think about your grandma and think about your grandma. Like, think of how many people did the grandma thing and still like, did it work?

[Mike]

No, no, no.

[Pat]

Not young grandma.

[Mike]

That's crazy. That was some terrible advice. The other one was like, just imagine everybody naked. Like, if you're ever nervous for public speaking.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Some horny ass advice.

[Steven]

Yo.

[Pat]

Just imagine them two and you good to the left. Imagine them. You're good. But I get what they're saying. It's just basically saying the naked thing is supposed to be like an embarrassing thing. But my favorite one is just simple. Just like, find the person that's interacting the most with you and kind of like go off that vibe and like build in there. That's what, that's what I do. Every time we have a live show, there's always somebody that's over geeking.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I'm just like, okay, you my person.

[Mike]

I think anytime I had to do public speaking, it was more. Know that you know more about what you're talking about than the. Probably the people in the, in the audience. What you're trying to explain.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Gene]

I wonder, for me, I think I just go back to all the other times that I've done it and it gives me like a piece of like, okay, you haven't failed yet.

[Mike]

So you don't ever get nervous like public speaking?

[Gene]

It depends when I do brewers games. No, as long as I know what I'm about to say. A lot of it is a little bit of improv and memorization, but if I have to speak, let's say do a dissertation or something in front of, let's say 20,000 people. That would feel a little bit more nerve wracking to me.

[Pat]

Didn't you do a speech at.

[Gene]

I did a commencement speech.

[Pat]

Yeah. How was that?

[Gene]

Yeah, Uwm. It was about 15 minutes. It was really good.

[Pat]

Were you nervous for that?

[Gene]

At first, but then once I started, it just.

[Mike]

Are you speaking the, The. The future?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Minutes is long.

[Gene]

I'm speaking to the.

[Pat]

Did you bring. You bring liquid IV for the little.

[Mike]

Listen, did you have a juicy thought?

[Pat]

I did have a juicy thought.

[Gene]

And if y' all want to listen to the commencement speeches on my Podcast.

[Mike]

Oh, really?

[Pat]

Let me lock in.

[Mike]

I'm about to go.

[Pat]

I'm about to go.

[Mike]

Lucky I wasn't there. I'm just. Me and Carrie still got beef from last week when she told me boring. Or the other last time hilarious.

[Pat]

What she call you boring?

[Mike]

Cuz I was explaining a vlog I did.

[Pat]

What vlog?

[Mike]

The vlog I did.

[Wife of H]

No.

[Pat]

That's funny. No, you. I got payback for her too.

[Mike]

She still got some coming?

[Pat]

No, she got some coming. Wait, I got to talk to her fiance so I can get a little bit more info. Yeah, like, do she drink water?

[Gene]

Okay, listen, why you think I grab this every.

[Pat]

Oh, this is my favorite tweak. I put this one in my story. It says be blasting some straight on them Harleys.

[Mike]

That's so fast, bro.

[Pat]

The fucked up part about it is it's just like.

[Carrie]

It's not.

[Pat]

It's never really like a song. You don't know. Like 9 out of 10 times it's a song, you know, but it's just like, why am I listening to Air Force Ones by Nelly and the same lunatics at fucking three in the morning and it's blasting and they don't really want to hear that shit. Like, I'm trying to get home, I'm drunk,

[Mike]

my guy.

[Pat]

And then this.

[Mike]

There's two spectrums of like the.

[Caller with 2 dads]

The.

[Mike]

The speakers on the bike, right? There's the people with the terrible sound systems. That sounds like just terrible rattles. Yeah. And there's the people that be having like the great sound systems. Like why is this so loud? Like this sound like surround sound. That should be blaring.

[Pat]

That is so d.

[Gene]

They still be

[Pat]

riding and with the engine too. Say that again.

[Carrie]

They'd be riding in groups playing all different songs.

[Mike]

Ain't that crazy with those acapella brands that be trying to sing at different notes and don't bruh.

[Pat]

Don't even be in the same genre. This over here playing Conway Twitty. And this is playing Chingy. Like bro, this don't.

[Gene]

I never thought about that. But that is so fast. That is crazy.

[Pat]

Right there. Right there.

[Carrie]

Mostly see like the music like a bunch of different people. Like with the. The three wheelers. Yeah, they're called crazy.

[Pat]

Yeah, I like them. At least they usually they're far apart because one of them speeding like crazy. Cops hate them. That's so easy. Like for like cops. Like especially when they being racist. They just hop right behind them every single time.

[Gene]

I don't mind the ones on a motorcycle. I don't like, when people are driving and they, like, burn rubber on purpose. Like, when they coming down the street and it's, like, super loud. Why. Why do they do that? Do y' all know?

[Pat]

I mean, I heard that. Yeah. It's like. I think it's, like, an adrenaline thing. It's just, like.

[Mike]

I think that they do it for other dudes, though. What was I gonna say, though? During a tour, I started to realize that I'm a really good conversational person. Like, I'm a good. Like. Like, I'll get a group conversation going, but I also will leave that same conversation and leave Pat in that group conversation. So I just started to realize that, and I apologize for doing that a lot.

[Pat]

No, fuck you.

[Mike]

Shake my hand, bro.

[Pat]

No, I don't. I don't like that you do that on tour. Because sometimes you do that with the women on tour.

[Mike]

Yes. I will get them riled up, and then I'll leave them with Pat. No.

[Pat]

Might be riling everything.

[Gene]

Seen Mike R up.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. This how the meet and greet go. So I'll give you an example. So we'll be going through the meet and greet, and then it'll be two women that come up, and usually, like, people just want us to hang out with them. They just, like, want to know where we're going after. So Mike, what he does, every city we go, he acquires, like, all the.

[Mike]

The.

[Pat]

The spots that people have mentioned, because we usually ask during the show, before the show, there's somebody. Like, when we was in Toronto, they kept yelling out Brampton and. And all these different things. So by the time the fourth or fifth person gets up for the meet and greet, Mike has all the knowledge of the places we hitting. So they'd be like, where are y' all going tonight? Mike was like, man, we might slide by Brampton. Hit this, hit that. And they get so excited, and then he'll leave, and they be talking to me like, what time y' all getting the brand thing? We gonna be there? Like, what the. So now I'm, like, lying to girl. Like, I think, like, 3:00am they'd be like, Brampton closed at 2. Yeah, I know that they.

[Steven]

You got.

[Pat]

I gotta pretend they keeping it open for us. Be there or be square.

[Mike]

It's funny that like, even, like, the guys and the girls, they know that. They know when they're getting, like, spent

[Pat]

a little bit, they know every time

[Mike]

I'm not going there, they know we're not gonna go. Like, some Most places. Like, obviously there's some places that we will go to if it's like an actual like loungey type of place or just a good vibe overall. But some of y' all be suggesting some. So then I blame the other people that suggest. So then I kind of come with to y' all like, I'm coming to that place. That's bullshit.

[Pat]

So yeah, I would say, I would say in Boston was the most we got steered wrong. Like there was only one person I was right in Boston. Like everybody steered us wrong. I'm trying to think of what we did in Toronto. We didn't listen to anybody in Toronto because our. Our management is based there. So we already kind of had ends on like where he's supposed to go.

[Mike]

Trying to think Cleo and Kev.

[Pat]

Oh, shout out to Cleo and Kev. Shout out to Kev. Kev got a thousand white shirts. Nigga is like a cartoon character.

[Mike]

No, that is my God.

[Pat]

No, he every time we go to Toronto we got a mic have.

[Mike]

Yeah, it was a dude we hung out with in. In Toronto and he was just a character. Yeah, it legit. Like it's almost like you're in a sitcom hanging with him. Like it was so funny.

[Gene]

So you gotta vlog that one.

[Mike]

No, we definitely do.

[Pat]

He's like one of those dudes I've ran into like probably like a hundred dudes where it's like I'm in their city for a party and they like, yo, do you really want to party? And I challenge all hundred of those dudes because I actually like to party. Like you tell me we gonna party. Like we going till 3, 4am to bar clothes. Like, we about to have fun. We about to get pizza at the end of the night. About to be drunk as hell and we about to wake up at 7am and work. Like we about to. We about to do it all. And it's like most of those dudes, they don't really party like that. And it's like 12:30 and they'd be like, they ain't got nowhere else to go. This Kev, I'm not with him, but I challenge this. But I had a about six shots in 30 minutes and we was on to the next spot. And he getting us. I'm talking about, bro. I've never bar hopped so much. I was falling asleep standing up. He had bro, he me up. I ain't going to lie.

[Mike]

Crazy now.

[Pat]

He had me sleepy as hell.

[Wife of H]

I'm like that.

[Pat]

I thought he roofy be or something.

[Gene]

Challenge accepted.

[Mike]

So how. What's your. What's Your guys limit on telling people happy Father's Day. Like, how many friends do you say? Because, like, I start to find it difficult. Whereas, like, as you get older, there's a lot more of your friends are fathers. So I'm like, okay, I wish Pat happy Father's Day. I wish Gene happy Father's Day. Like, where does like my list end of people that I actually like go out my way and reach out to?

[Gene]

How many people you care about?

[Mike]

Because there's some people, but some people catch me because then they'll post a picture of their kid on their story.

[Gene]

That's what gets me.

[Mike]

And then I'll be like, happy Father's Day, bro. But then I'm like, damn, do I do this for this person or do, you know, it's just like, I think

[Pat]

you thinking about it, right? If it's presented right in front of you, you do it. But my thing is just like with Gene, right, It's very important for him to get his first Father's Day. Cause I felt like people were doing that to me when I had a kid. Oh, this is my first Father's Day. People reaching out to it mean way more. And it's kind of set in reality. We see you being the father. Happy Father's Day. But if you. But the more kids you got, the more likely I'm not. You know what I'm saying? It's a priority list.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

I found out after, you know, I said happy Father's Day to the homies and. And then my dad called me the next day.

[Pat]

I forgot to say, but it'd be like that when you're, when you're, when you're a first time dad, sometimes you, like, you feel like you're the priority. Everybody should come to you. Like, you feel like your dad probably shouldn't day. Yes. Oh, man.

[Gene]

You are the father.

[Mike]

Spend that.

[Pat]

No spend that. Where all my good ass daddies. That's crazy.

[Mike]

Clip that.

[Pat]

No, that's perfect.

[Mike]

Good ass daddies.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Double entry condra. My gonna be played in both clubs. Yeah, Spit my in the gay club too. Where my good daddy's at? Come on, man.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

Oh, you used to watch Flavor of Love, right? Yeah, it was like a, a recent tweet, which made me think of how like, you know, some of these women were. Were pretty popular after the show. Like, we still know of some of these women. Like hoops, right? And you like, you think of somebody like, yeah, you think of hoops. Delicious New York. Right? But do you think like, how did they get those names.

[Gene]

He gave them.

[Pat]

He gave them those names. And it just, it's just funny because somebody came out with a tweet and was like Flavor Flav used to be like, you look like you work out, your name gonna be Pilates. And it's just funny. Like, all of them got their name like, like just simply. And you know, Flavor Flav wasn't that intricate of a thinker. Like, he didn't think like, he ain't go. It was like the surface level. You told me one sentence of what you do for a living, or I'm looking at you and I'm naming you this.

[Gene]

And they embraced it.

[Mike]

That wasn't. Wasn't that one of them named Bambi or some Bambi? Yeah, one of them ended up doing porn, most probably.

[Pat]

No, that's a crazy accusation. That's a crazy accusation.

[Caller discussing threesomes]

It ain't.

[Gene]

I'm for real.

[Mike]

I feel like Delicious was like one of the more popular one. Who actually won the season? I can't.

[Pat]

I don't know. I think Bambi won one season, right? The taller. What's the taller white woman?

[Gene]

She won one or something.

[Pat]

It definitely wasn't Buck Wild, but it was Hoops.

[Carrie]

Hoops won season one?

[Pat]

Yes.

[Carrie]

Delicious one, Season two.

[Pat]

But who said. Who didn't want him?

[Mike]

Yeah, something like that.

[Pat]

Like it would be girls that used to win that show that didn't.

[Mike]

That show. What's the point? I just thought about that.

[Pat]

I think he was really trying to find love. I think the women used to turn him down like after.

[Carrie]

Oh, for sure. Yeah. After Famous.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Lawyer Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Who won?

[Mike]

Or this might just been pre arranged

[Pat]

where it's like Delicious and then who Season three.

[Carrie]

It's a thing too.

[Pat]

Never mind.

[Mike]

I think I remember them.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

They're twins. Yeah.

[Pat]

He had a season.

[Gene]

I didn't even know he had a season three.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Was that the last season?

[Carrie]

That's what it says.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

He finally found this one, but he ended up dating a girl that he didn't pick. Dick. The taller white woman. I forgot her name. It's like, suit, she's super.

[Mike]

He's in a relationship with her.

[Pat]

She like six, two. Oh, she was older. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot what her name is, but. Oh, her name. Anywho. But Ray J. I only remember one woman from Ray J.

[Mike]

So raise your head one too.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Yeah.

[Pat]

For the love of Ray J.

[Mike]

For the love of Ray J. That was like one season.

[Pat]

It was that girl Dangerous. Remember she had to like the lion tattoo on her face.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Don't remember that.

[Pat]

Homies. Is that what she did?

[Gene]

That's what the song said.

[Pat]

Oh. Oh, yeah. He did have a song.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Remember?

[Pat]

You got that really popular clip of that girl trying to throw the wine in his face, and he's stopping her.

[Gene]

That was his wife.

[Pat]

And then he pushed her in the pool. Was that for the Love of season? Yeah, it was Princess, but she was from the show.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And he married her from the show.

[Caller struggling with alcohol]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

You know what I I with. Because New York had her spin off.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

And then Real chance of love.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carrie]

Rest in peace.

[Mike]

They.

[Pat]

They had.

[Carrie]

They.

[Wife of H]

Wait.

[Pat]

That was two brothers, though.

[Steven]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. It was real enchant. Right?

[Gene]

It's just like, why y' all should have separated that.

[Pat]

Oh, I was telling Mike we're aging

[Mike]

to ourselves, but I was telling my. Sit down.

[Pat]

That's not even the craziest show. We got down.

[Mike]

Little.

[Pat]

We got. We go look it up little something. Look up in my ride. Watch a get a fish tank put in the steering wheel.

[Carrie]

Your mama.

[Pat]

No, real.

[Lawyer Mike]

But.

[Pat]

No, but the shows today are crazier. Like, we think, like, the dating, like, Flavor Flav was crazy. For love of Ray J was crazy. Just concept especially. Like, a lot of those shows are misogynistic, so they would never survive today. But, like, I literally just saw a show. I was telling Mike I saw a show where I don't. I forgot the name of the show. Somebody sent it to me. But it was a show where there's. There's quote unquote, milfs, older women and younger men as, like, a dating show. But the twist is every older woman has a son on the show who's also looking for an older woman. So it's like nine moms, nine sons, and they're interacting that way.

[Gene]

That's just weird.

[Pat]

Ain't that crazy?

[Mike]

Yeah, there was a. I need to

[Gene]

know who's watching it. If you watch people.

[Mike]

Come on now.

[Gene]

Like, tell me why, though.

[Mike]

You know, that's like, a popular category. Yeah.

[Pat]

Super pop.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Mike]

There's a lot of people with fetishes.

[Pat]

I'm guessing that's the ones I like the most are, like, the people that, like, have, like, weird, like, lifestyles of, like, oh, remember the dude? I was attracted to balloons? We did, like, a. He's, like, literally sexually attracted to balloons. Like, he used to go into rooms, and then you hear, like, three balloons pop.

[Mike]

And it's like one of those.

[Pat]

Did you hear him pop? Like, and then it was a. The dude, he was real cheap. Cheap.

[Lawyer Mike]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Remember That I think I might have had two wives or some. But he was super cheap.

[Mike]

Like, it's those TLC shows that be

[Gene]

like, those are very interesting. I saw someone who used to like to eat, like, couches or something.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Like, how you getting full?

[Mike]

I still think some of those are a little exaggerated too.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

It's like. I don't know.

[Pat]

It's just like, from the health thing. It's like you'd be dead by now. Yeah, keep stuffing yourself.

[Mike]

There's some people I do believe, like. Like, a lot of the OCD ones I believe, Steve.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I mean, obviously, the ones that are

[Pat]

like, bring out the olives. That's my favorite one. Okay. Oh, I got a question for you.

[Caller with 1.5 body count]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You gotta dress like olive today. So are you.

[Mike]

That's true.

[Pat]

No, I'm. I'm dressed. I'm dressed how Mike should dress. I literally. Mike wasn't speaking scene. I had nothing to wear. I said, let me go to his closet.

[Mike]

That's crazy. That's not me.

[Pat]

It literally looked like something

[Mike]

interest.

[Pat]

No, no. I'm just like, a Nigerian man with style.

[Mike]

You are Nigerian colors, though.

[Pat]

I am part Nigerian, though.

[Mike]

No, that's the thing we gotta all do, though. We all gotta do our ancestry, but we gotta get a bag for it, too. So we gotta reach out to Ancestry.com or whatever, the little 24 and Me or 23andMe, especially, since we got.

[Pat]

I feel like you should be able to lead the way, because the biggest thing is, like, how much of a Nigerian.

[Mike]

Yes. Yes, exactly.

[Pat]

That's the. That's the thing, because I say you're just below 80.

[Mike]

No, I don't think so.

[Pat]

Because when I see other Nigerians, it's, like, pretty distinct. Like, you have, like, some very Americanized features.

[Mike]

I say, I don't even think my people. I might be the first. What does Hasano say? First of my bloodline to grow up in Chicago.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but you definitely got some. You had a cousin that reached out. He asked you for some money, bro.

[Mike]

Why are you bringing that to the five, bro? I'm just saying, it's not my cousin either. It's a random ass.

[Pat]

His name is.

[Mike]

I swear, I don't know that. No, I don't know that, bro.

[Pat]

I would put. I will put 10 bands that. This is Mike's cousin. They got. No, they look just like the one I showed you. They look just alike. Like.

[Mike]

Nah, I think just Nigeria's kind of happy. Have the same noses, bro.

[Pat]

Show it after we're done, he's going to show you a picture. I swear to God.

[Wife of H]

Cuz.

[Pat]

Carrie, you saw the doctor, right? The doctor looked just like him. Will you admit the doctor, your cousin?

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

Oh, off. Okay. Oh, last one. And it's a question for everybody. What's something you always assume was mandatory in life until you met someone who just didn't do it?

[Gene]

I'll let y' all go first. Mine is too realistic.

[Mike]

I feel like mine is. I've never. I feel like I'm the person that was never doing the thing. Like, I was doing things the wrong way, and we just kind of find a way. So I don't know if I have an answer for this one.

[Pat]

I. I think mine was. I had a friend in college who we used to use the same condom stash, and he used to always come back with his condom. Him, like. I'm like, are you using it? He's like, no, not this time. And that was like, my first time realizing, like, oh, everybody out here is just, like, nasty, raw dogging it. I mean, just, like, nasty in a way. And then also, like, we was 18, 19 in college. It's like, you don't care if you get pregnant. Like, your life is over. My.

[Mike]

No, I definitely was always aware of that ocd. Come on, now.

[Pat]

I'm taking my. I'm taking my. Come with me. Yeah, I done that before. I done that before. Come and go. I'll put my in the bag. When that turkey baser rumor was going

[Mike]

around like that, bro, I've definitely.

[Gene]

I've done it.

[Mike]

And then, like, took the trash out to the. At the D. Good Samaritan.

[Pat]

Yeah, come on.

[Carrie]

Like, I feel like all the things that I was like today years old and found out, I just. I said that I'm gonna do it my way anyways because I had too much pride.

[Pat]

And you know that's true. Can't teach old dog new tricks, Carrie. Ain't got nothing.

[Gene]

I do have what is yours. I'm not gonna give the realistic one, but I am gonna give the example. You remember how your parents used to lie to you about certain things when you were younger and you thought it was the truth? So, for example, you in the car and the light in the car, and they were like, don't. Don't drop that light with the light on because you'll get pulled over or something like that?

[Pat]

Yeah, but I think that's real, though.

[Gene]

I don't think it is.

[Pat]

Back in the day, like, cops are still racist. They back in the Day they was racist as. So, like, you turn on the light, now they can see you black. Like, I didn't know that was a pull over. I feel like that was car.

[Mike]

I feel like that was our. Our parents way of like, protecting us from just doing, like, even getting, like, the walking to the line in a sense.

[Pat]

Yes. Like giving them a reason to even pull you over. Hey, is something wrong with the vehicle? Why are your lights on? On. Oh, stop being real.

[Gene]

I gota. I know how y'.

[Carrie]

All.

[Pat]

That's the way it is. No, that's just the way it is.

[Gene]

It's not. But before we go, I feel like you were about to end it. I need to know how y' all felt about the BET Awards and how everything.

[Mike]

Oh, we didn't even talk about that.

[Gene]

I know. I wanted to real quick, cuz, you know, that's my. My bag right there.

[Pat]

It felt nostalgic. Like seeing. Seeing TI perform. It felt like I was watching it like. Like when I was younger. I don't know why the TI thing brought me to that.

[Carrie]

I was running that shit.

[Pat]

Yeah, it was. It was dope as hell.

[Mike]

I was in a plane, so I didn't. I only saw clips. Yeah, how. How was. How would you guys say Drew Ski did as a host?

[Gene]

I thought he did a good job. I've been seeing some people critiquing him online.

[Mike]

And what were some of the critiques? I didn't see any.

[Gene]

So they're saying that he got handed the position, or they're saying that his skits that he does online didn't translate well to, like a big, big stage like the BET Awards, or they felt like he wasn't commanding an adult audience because maybe his audience is a little bit younger. But I thought overall he did a good job. You know, like, nowadays you're learning when you're at that stage and you're so big and you're viral, you're learning and growing publicly. So I just feel like for this to be his first time hosting something.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

That huge. I thought he did a good job. I don't think I saw the.

[Mike]

I saw the Jay Z bit that he did. I thought that was pretty funny.

[Gene]

He did a Stevie Wonder braille line.

[Pat]

That's hilarious. That's the thing about Drew Ski, though. He's just a home run hitter. And I think when you get hosts, the old school hosts, Chris Rock, Kevin Hart, Eddie Murphy, they're like, every line means something. Drew Ski's not a person. Drew Ski's not a person. That's Gonna give you a line that's all leading up to one story. He's like a person. Look at this funny ass joke, this funny thing. And then he's regular. Then he's like, look at this funny ass thing. So I think a lot of people weren't used to it.

[Mike]

I think that probably comes with, like, experience too, because, like, you mentioned Chris Rock. I think when they get their jokes off and even like a Dave Chappelle, they can say something very normal. And it's like, it. People laugh at it, but I think it's like the, the smoothness of it. I think Drew Ski is still young too, because some of his jokes are like, you know, the joke is coming sometimes.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I think for Drew Ski, he's very much like a reactionary type of comedian versus a standup comic. And I think that's why people were critiquing him too, because they're. It's a complete different type of stage and they thought that.

[Mike]

From what I saw, it seemed like it did a pretty good job.

[Pat]

Yeah, he only. I think he getting. He catching a little flack for the. My bad.

[Carrie]

I was just gonna say I like, I like the fact that BET supported him, you know.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Because he gets, you know, quote unquote, maybe canceled from certain communities and stuff like that. So to see his skits translate to like a stage on bet, that was. That was dope.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

A beta flack for her.

[Pat]

So at the beginning of the show, I had to look it up first. At the beginning of the show, he said that. That he made a joke like, we not doing no long speeches, and they hired, they hired like a saxophone player to play like, the sax like that we got here on the podcast and they hired somebody to do that. So Sza and Dochi were on stage and they were doing like, their speech and like, he, he stayed true to that and he played that and like the, The.

[Mike]

The saxophone.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I didn't think Juicy was on stage when that was happening.

[Gene]

The production probably had them do that. That's not a Drew Ski girl.

[Pat]

It's a joke. Right. It's obviously a joke somebody wrote for him. And they probably thought the joke was going to be used on somebody that it was funnier on. But like I'm telling you, like, because

[Mike]

they play the house music, usually that's what happens. They start playing house music as you're. Yeah, yeah. That's a. Making a way of making it a little bit more comedic. Yeah, Comedic.

[Pat]

Comedic. But when, like, I feel like it just like, you Gotta read the room. Like, if I'm doing the awards and a comedian wins the award or somebody who's an actor wins the award, it's cool. But it's like, if it's two black women up there, it's like, probably, hey, we probably shouldn't play the sax.

[Mike]

But I think that's. Again, that's a bet thing, though.

[Pat]

I know. That's what I'm saying. Even bet is just like, we probably shouldn't play the sax on.

[Mike]

I don't think it's. I don't think it's up to them, though. They got to keep the program running.

[Gene]

I agree. I don't think that they should have did that to Dochi and Sza because she had an actual, like, message I think that she was trying to give. I could see if it's like, Cardi B. Shout out Cardi B. She won too. But if she was up there, you know, playing.

[Mike]

Let's. Picking and choosing.

[Pat]

But it'd be.

[Caller with 2 dads]

But it'd be.

[Pat]

It would be funnier. It would be funnier if they did it to Cardi because Cardi has, like, some comedic genius in herself. And the same thing with Lotto. We've seen her, like, joke and, like, play and stuff like that. But, like, as far as, like, what Dolce just went through, like, online.

[Mike]

Yeah, I get it. With the, like, the hate that she was getting.

[Pat]

It's almost like. It's almost like the Angel Reese thing. Like, you don't think, like, I watch, like, Atlanta dream basketball and I want to critique Angel Reese online just like I critique other NBA players. I just don't, because I know. Know who would jump in once I say some. I'm gonna have nine comments, and seven of them are people that actually hate black women or actually hate Angel Reese for no reason. And now I'm just feeding into that. So I feel like them doing that with the sax, with Dochi thing, like, helps people.

[Mike]

They play the sax for anybody else.

[Gene]

No, no.

[Mike]

That was the only one.

[Gene]

That was the only one.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. It has to be. It has to be a call. Like, they have to see the sacks like it was. Or Drew Ski gotta come out and be like. But Juicy probably not doing that because Juicy getting ready for the next kid. Yeah. Yeah.

[Gene]

And people were saying that Kiki Palmer, did you. I don't know if you guys saw this.

[Mike]

Yeah, I saw that little bit that they did loud for her, the mic,

[Gene]

and was like, I don't even know why you took my gig. You Know, but hopefully she does it next year because I think she would be a great.

[Mike]

She has a personality.

[Pat]

But I think. But I also think that was the setup. I don't think, like, it was like, a little bit. Yeah, because it's a bit. I think that's a setup for her to do it next year.

[Lawyer Mike]

Oh, set up.

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

I think she'd be. I think she'd be a great host. I think. I think that's what BET is going off of. I think any award show gotta. Gotta know that. I think that's the new meta. It's like, it's. It's about who's hosting it. I mean, look at the Streamer Awards. The Streamer Awards, I feel like, would have been a little bit more iconic if they picked different hosts. Like, they should have probably picked, like a famous comedian or.

[Mike]

But that was the. The Streamer Awards are like. Are Streamer funded, though?

[Pat]

Yes, I know that, but they should have streamer funded a host.

[Gene]

Wow. The only thing I didn't like about the Drew Ski Kiki thing is now people are, like, putting them against each other because they're saying, like, oh, that's how, you know, the industry is. They take jobs away from a black woman and give it to a black man. But I really don't think it. It was that.

[Mike]

I think this was like. I think BET made a decision because obviously we know the theme would be awards was kind of like being undervalued as, like, oh, it's not the world of awards. It's not really held to the same standards as, like, the Oscars, and it shouldn't be that way. And I think they needed to make a splash because I think viewership was down. And then who. Who has the most eyeballs on them is Drew Ski.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So that makes sense from a marketing type of thing to kind of bring more eyeballs because I would. I would bet that this is probably one of the most watched BET awards in a while.

[Carrie]

Or the clips, at least.

[Mike]

Yeah, because, yeah, the clips for sure.

[Pat]

I mean, they need.

[Mike]

I didn't watch it at all, and I felt like I saw. I saw it.

[Pat]

They needed that 25 to 32 in demographic. Like, if you.

[Wife of H]

You.

[Pat]

If you got any demographics on Instagram or whatever. They saw, it's like 25 to 32 and nobody was coming over there without a good host if they weren't already watching it. So it's like they're not trying to appease to the people that's already tuning into the BET Awards or they pick somebody. Like, I don't know who they would have picked. That's, like, kind of old. Like, if Dino Rollins, like, shout out. Funny as hell. Dino Rollins would have hosted. I'm just saying, that's my favorite. That's my favorite comedian. But if Donald Rollins would have hosted, it wouldn't have pulled any of, like, the new faces that they needed over there. And it was like, especially if, you know, you about to put on a big show. That's because they got to pay for all those performances.

[Carrie]

I know.

[Pat]

Cardi B Not cheap. Don to not cheap. Like, just like the lineup they picked. There's just, like, crazy. I know. Getting Janet up there. Not cheap.

[Gene]

Oh, Janet.

[Pat]

Man, you hear that voice, man? Man, her talk. Her talking voice. Tupac

[Mike]

n Janice talking voice. God damn. I've never paid attention to somebody talking so much. I listen to everywhere. I saw the whole thing on Twitter. I been crying just like Tiana.

[Pat]

I love Crash Dummies. And Patrick, he's just the best.

[Mike]

Mike not have been heartbroken.

[Pat]

Jean, do it then.

[Mike]

Carrie needs water. Crash Dummies Episode 265 Appreciate y'.

[Carrie]

All.

[Mike]

Remember, half off Patreon this month. Make sure you guys follow everybody and everybody's information is in the description. See y'.

[Wife of H]

All.

[Caller with 2 dads]

Peace.