As A Man w/ Joe Santagato - Episode 256

Summary

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Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 256: “As A Man” w/ Joe Santagato

Date: April 29, 2026
Guests: Joe Santagato
Hosts: Patrick Johnson, Michael Esiobu (plus recurring appearances from Gene and Mike)
Main Theme:
A lively, free-flowing conversation exploring modern masculinity, social norms, personal quirks, and hilarious “as a grown man” scenarios—with irreverent banter, engaging callers, and stories that blur the line between current events and “things that probably will never happen.”

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Episode Overview

The Crash Dummies crew is joined by podcaster Joe Santagato for a high-energy episode packed with debates on what’s acceptable “as a grown man,” hot takes from callers worldwide, absurd airport observations, and laughter-fueled tangents on everything from group-chat etiquette to humiliating hat mishaps. Through playful roasting and candid storytelling, the group dives into the nitty-gritty of male friendship, boundaries, and societal expectations—without taking themselves too seriously.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tour Life, Airport Stereotypes, and Beans on Toast

[04:06–10:11]

• Tour Fatigue & Airport Habits:

  • The hosts talk about relentless travel exhaustion and how airport people have archetypes—especially those with excessive, overweight luggage.
  • Joe: “The bigger the luggage...they think everyone in there works for them.” [04:43]
  • Pat & Gene riff about the kinds of people always coughing or lost at airports.

• Overweight Luggage & Confrontations:

  • Stories of people pushing limits (“She had four bags...all over 52 pounds...acting surprised every single time.” – Gene [06:18])
  • Annoyance with airport workers enabling passengers who break the rules.

• International Food Oddities:

  • The group trashes UK breakfast choices (“Beans just don’t seem like a morning food to me.” – Pat [09:03])
  • Joe admits beans-on-toast “was pretty good” in Scotland, but is not sold on blood sausage or mushy peas.

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2. Random Tangents: Underwear Snapping, Foot Pics, and Sex Work Stories

[10:50–18:54]

• Underwear Rituals:

  • Hilarious exchange about snapping spandex waistbands and recording the sound (“Knowing somebody needs to size up off audio is so crazy.” – Gene [12:07])
  • Joe jokes: “Bro, chill. You need a size up!” [11:43]

• OnlyFans Side Hustles:

  • Joe recounts selling a feet pic for a podcast experiment:
    • “I was a sex worker for a day.” [13:15]
    • “Probably less than you think...like $75–$100.” [14:10]

• Kink Economy & “For the Love of the Game”:

  • Discussion about the growing online market for kinks, with stories about requests for used clothes and musty underwear.
  • Mike recalls interviewing someone paid to kick men in the balls—“all those people are in it for the love of the game.” – Gene [17:07]

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3. ‘As A Grown Man’ Game – Drawing the Line

[19:24–31:53]

• Funny Rules of Manhood:

  • Gene introduces a game based on “as a grown man, you shouldn’t…” and the crew debates submissions, including:
    • Asking another man if he’s tired (“Why are you worried about if he sleep?” – Gene [20:03])
    • Tucking in a friend or putting a blanket on him (“Hell, no.” – Gene [20:44])
    • Having group chat names (“I grew up with a lot of kids in Queens...15 people in it, and that’s out of control.” – Joe [23:10])
    • Running for the elevator or across streets (“If I’m missing something, I missed it.” – Joe [31:05])

• Memorable Quotes:

  • “As a grown man, you shouldn’t have a group chat name.” – Gene [21:04]
  • “I feel like that times 100 by now. Yesterday’s price is not today’s price.” – Joe (about the value of his foot pic) [14:43]

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4. Bizarre Social Experiences & Hygiene Debates

[33:03–43:55]

• Insane Hat Stories:

  • Pat and Joe share embarrassing hat-loss moments—Pat chases his windy runaway hat, and Joe gets spit on by an Uber driver (“If it hit my lip, I would have lost it. I would have flipped the car myself.”—Joe [34:04])

• Caller: “Not Showering After Sex is Top Tier” – Walmart Worker [39:34]

  • The caller claims marinating in post-sex “coochie smell” is top-tier, going days without washing up. Kid gloves are off:
    • “You literally walk past soap every fucking day.” – Gene [41:13]
    • Joe with disgusted curiosity: “Like, what does your apartment smell like?” [41:00]

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5. More Callers: Bad Relationships, All-White Outfits, Vlogging, and State Reductions

[44:39–65:13]

• South African Woman: Bad Ex & PS5 Regret

  • Buys PS5 for ex who called her a slut despite only sleeping with him (“I think I went back to him like 10 times.” – South African woman [46:44])
  • “We gotta get you on a dating show. You deserve love.” – Gene [47:18]

• Caller: “As a Grown Man, No All-White Outfits” [48:13]

  • Argues grown men shouldn’t wear all white unless extremely wealthy or at the all-white party.

• Minnesota Trucker: Stop Daily Vlogging [52:44]

  • “If you do it for years and still got one view, just your family watching...stop.” – Mike [53:07]
  • Gene analogizes driving compliments to vlogging likes.

• Canadian Caller: The U.S. Has Too Many States [56:43]

  • Wants to cut states like Wyoming, merge Dakotas/Carolinas, get down to 35–40. “Who lives there?” – Canadian Caller [58:06]

• Zambian Caller: Male Boundaries

  • “As a grown man, you’re not supposed to know unnecessary things about your boys. Like knowing your boy’s birthday or favorite color.” [59:15]
  • The crew is torn, laughs at how emotional knowledge is taboo (“I feel like you might as well just each other for birthday.” – Zambian Caller [60:44])
  • Gene: “Getting another man is crazy.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• [04:43] Joe: “People with really large luggage are usually the most annoying people at the airport...they think everyone in there works for them.”
• [07:18] Joe: “Arrest this woman. No one should be traveling with that much weight.”
• [13:15] Joe: “Just to say I was a sex worker for a day.”
• [14:43] Joe: “Yesterday’s price is not today’s price, for sure.”
• [20:25] Joe: “You think asking another man if they’re tired is a gateway drug to tucking them in?”
• [23:10] Joe: “15 people in a group chat at one time...that’s out of control.”
• [34:04] Joe: “If it hit my lip, I would have lost it. I would have flipped the car myself.”
• [41:13] Gene (to Walmart Worker): “You literally walk past soap every fucking day.”
• [46:44] South African Woman: “I think I went back to him like 10 times.”
• [51:03] Arab Woman: “I’m turning 30. If not, I’m gonna find me one.”
• [53:07] Mike: “If you do it for years and you still got one view and just your family watching...stop.”
• [59:15] Zambian Caller: “As a grown man, you’re not supposed to know unnecessary things about your boys. Like their birthday, favorite color...”
• [61:00] Zambian Caller: “Even my close friends, they just tell me like, wow, yo, today is my birthday.”

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Tour & Airport Discussion: [04:06–10:11]
• Quirky Habits & Sex Work Stories: [10:50–18:54]
• ‘As A Grown Man’ Game: [19:24–31:53]
• Embarrassing Moments & Hygiene: [33:03–43:55]
• Hot Take Callers (multiple): [44:39–65:13]

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Tone, Style, and Vibe

• Language: Raw, playful, at times explicit—true to the hosts’ vernacular and the comfort among guests and callers.
• Vibe: Laughter-forward, sometimes roasting, always inclusive of even the wildest perspectives.
• Takeaway: The episode pokes holes in rigid ideas of manhood and friendship, suggesting that what we say “as a man” is often arbitrary, cultural, and—most importantly—ripe for jokes.

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For listeners seeking real talk about real (and ridiculous) life, masculinity, boundaries, and the freedom to be weird—Episode 256 is a wild, insightful ride.

Transcript

[Pat]

Before we get to episode, we are on tour. Crashdummieslive.com I think the dates we have left at this point are only Toronto and Detroit. Detroit, yeah. So get your tickets. Toronto, Detroit.

[Gene]

Get your tickets Last hurrah. Maybe we coming overseas after that.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the other thing in the comments. Let us know where we should go go next.

[Gene]

We hear y' all London. We just need a little bit more comment. So we just short, you know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody coming over there just to eat beans and. No, no, no. Let's talk about the int.

[Pat]

Pie.

[Gene]

Like, you is not real. You does not feel. You does not chill. I look, I went and looked at last part and I was like, what the is this? We didn't probably earn a new subscriber from the last, but if somebody looked at our YouTube and clicked on it, like, I'd be like, what the is going on?

[Pat]

I think the funny part was that I went to the bathroom. So this was. This was Jean and Pat's, I guess a way of wasting time. Before I came back, it was more

[Gene]

of just like to get ourselves amped up because I'm running off four hours of sleep in Boston. I got a fucking Boston Red Sox hat on. Like, I'm so fucking. They didn't gave me they attitude. Like, fucking knock. Like, I'm like. I'm like into it, so I'm in a bad mood. So I'm like, Gene threw on some music, so I'm like, oh, let me get myself hyped.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

And then next thing you know, I see a top comment is like, J. Cole.

[Arab Woman]

This.

[Gene]

This nigga think he J. Cole. I'm like, wait, what the fuck are they talking about?

[Pat]

Nigga said stick to podcasting.

[Gene]

Yeah, I mean, that technically was po podcasting. And you watched it little. I'm just saying. Just be talking though. I had a dm you so you stop rapping. It's just like, I never started. What are you talking about? I just. I can't say. I can't try to freestyle for three lines. Am I not human?

[Pat]

As a man, though?

[Gene]

Yeah, no, as a man, you should know how to at least freestyle. Yes, I lose respect for. No, no, you don't lose a respect for somebody that.

[Pat]

That doesn't know how to rhyme, bro.

[Gene]

Listen, at least.

[Pat]

Thank you.

[Gene]

You at least gotta have. I don't care. Like, some people not good with words. Like me. It takes me a while to like, build up words. Like, I'm really good at punchlines. And I feel like I'm good at melodies, but as far as rapping and longevity, I struggle to find the words and stuff. You gotta have one or the other. Like, obviously everybody can't rap, but you should at least be able to be like, I would say to dinner, okay, he caught the beat. That's what he would say. If he could rap, he good. But if nigga ain't got no melody, no rhymes, stay the away from me.

[Pat]

How would you even know this as a grown man group your friends? Like, how would you know, bro?

[Gene]

You can tell.

[Pat]

Have you heard? You never heard me rap, but I

[Gene]

heard you try to rap your favorite song, and you're actually good at it, so I gave you your respect. It's a song that you stole and you used to rap when you was younger. So it's just like, I heard you rap that before. I heard you rap some UK drill rap where I'm like, if he had to, he could do it just, like, a level of respect. But it's just like, some people I know and like, in a black, just to be honest, or they. They minority and they can't put it together. I just like that shit. It's something else underneath there, too. Like, you're probably like, you probably want to go to a KKK meeting, too. That's what's next, man.

[Pat]

The reach on this episode is whatever, bro. All right, let's get to the Joe episode.

[Gene]

No, wait, wait.

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Gene]

Fuck you, Clay. The Happy International. I'm sorry, Clay. I had to, brother. I gotta stay on the good side, brother. You. You up.

[Pat]

He understand.

[Gene]

He gotta understand, though.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Canadian Caller]

Come on, bro.

[Gene]

You know I had you, man.

[Pat]

Anyway, let's get to the Joe episode.

[Gene]

Hello.

[Pat]

The radio is for people who are driving.

[Gene]

I'll drive.

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash Living's podcast.

[Gene]

I'm almost positive older white men go to the airport just to cough. And, like, after seeing that tweet, I want to get your perspective on it. Like, what do you see the most in the airport? Because, like, this the most I've ever traveled in my life. Like, being on tour, I've been in, like, 10 different cities in the last 13 days, and I'm starting to see a pattern of the same people. But I want to get yours first before I go into mine. Like, what's a. What's a person that you've seen every single time? Like, a type of person at the airport?

[Joe]

For me, I think that people who have really large luggage are usually the most annoying people in the airport that, like, don't even know how it works. You know, like, they think everyone in there works for them kind of thing. And then they always got to go to the counter. They have questions. We're trying to board, and then they got more questions. They're trying to upgrade at the gate while we're already boarding. Like, the bigger the luggage, though, Like. And maybe that's just because, I don't know, like, people who don't travel that much, they have a lot of questions and whatnot. But it's like, yeah, we're all here. We're all getting on this thing.

[Pat]

No, I've seen a lot of coughing at the airport. They do.

[Gene]

No, they always have, like, a little

[Pat]

cough or clear their throat.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Walmart Worker]

I think.

[Pat]

For me, I think it's a. A lot of teams, and I like to analyze the leader of the. Yeah, because you see that person. There's. There's obviously the. The chaperone. Whoever's chaperone the team.

[Walmart Worker]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But it's also seen how organized they can be because there was that one lady. I forgot where you at. But she was. You're. You know, I'm talking about.

[Gene]

No, you're doing that. Don't do that. Yes, you're doing that. You're trying to say she wasn't a stud.

[Pat]

No, you said she was.

[Gene]

She was not a stud. She's passed the test. She had a wedding ring on. And I saw you were confused.

[Pat]

Can't be married.

[Gene]

But listen. What do you mean?

[Joe]

It's 20, 26.

[Pat]

What the.

[Gene]

No, trust me, trust me. After I say you got. You didn't see the cut of her pants. Like, she had on Adidas track pants.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Gene]

But it cut out the angle. And she has some ankle jewelry on. That's somebody's woman. That's a. Trust me, she wasn't a stud. I don't know, but she.

[Pat]

She. And.

[Gene]

And. And this how I know that African guy came up and asked her for directions, and she said she doesn't know. Studs know all directions. I've never known a stud that didn't know where something was at. Like, she didn't know that. But no, the. The thing that I hate the most is, like, I realize people are so used to getting away with shit, and, like, you don't realize that until someone's trying to do it right in front of you. We got somebody in this room. His name's Gene. He always tries to get away with shit. And it's just so funny because it works for them. Sometimes they'll go up to, like, this lady that was in front of me, she had four bags. All four bags were over £52.

[Joe]

And she acts. Where's she going?

[Gene]

And she acts surprised every single time. She put it on the thing. And they were like, yeah, this one's 53 pounds. She's like, what? Put it on the thing. This one's 56 pounds. She's like, what?

[Pat]

56 is crazy.

[Gene]

She put one on a thing, she could barely fucking pick it up. It was £71.

[Joe]

Arrest this woman. No one should be traveling with that much weight.

[Gene]

And she was acting surprised. And I'm like, oh, she's about to get cooked. And then this dude was like, okay, I'll give you these three, but this one you're gonna have to pay for. And I'm like, that's why she keeps doing it, bro, because of you.

[Pat]

You gotta send her home.

[Gene]

Yes, that's it.

[Pat]

You're not traveling.

[Gene]

He should have maced her, like, right away.

[Joe]

I don't know where you're going with all that luggage. You got 300 pounds of luggage. Like, where are you going?

[Pat]

That is true too. Especially domestic, too. We're not even in international airport.

[Joe]

Where could you possibly be going for that?

[Gene]

I don't know where the fuck she was going, but I try not to harp on too many. People accidentally smuggle drugs to another country on accident.

[Joe]

People make mistakes.

[Gene]

Yes.

[Joe]

We don't.

[Pat]

That was crazy.

[Joe]

Which kind of drugs is it? How much was it to another country is crazy because you probably had to go to the kiosk and be like, I have nothing to declare. And you got just drugs in your.

[Gene]

I.

[Pat]

It was a squished up joint.

[Gene]

Yes. Come on now.

[Joe]

Squished up.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I literally fucked up too. It was fucked up. We were staying. Where were we at in London?

[Pat]

I forgot.

[Gene]

Like, we're. We're in a part of London that even if they smell some weed, you're probably going to jail. Right? Like, I forgot the hotel. Was it the Ritz in London or something like that or Kimpton or whatever. And I dug in my pocket when we were at a bar and I was just like, damn, all this dust in my pocket. And I like yank it out. Like, how did dust get in my pocket and just weed particles going everywhere while I'm in this bar. And I just like, man, only thing I could do is like, hurry up and grab a plate of beans to just

[Pat]

act normal.

[Gene]

Normal.

[Joe]

Quick, get the beans. I did have beans on toast in Scotland. I was like, yo, Loki, this is pretty good.

[Pat]

You fucked with It. I kind of did in the morning. Beans just don't seem like a morning food to me.

[Joe]

It's not. It's not.

[Pat]

But, like, in London, too, I just don't like the way they did their bacon. It's, like, not fried to me. It's like they. They put it on the pan for, like, two seconds.

[Mike]

Yeah. And like.

[Pat]

All right.

[Joe]

I don't like. They have the mushy peas. That shit is nasty. And then there's something else, like blood sausage or something. I'm like, I'm good.

[Gene]

No, that's crazy. It's only one blood sausage around here. That's one time a month.

[Pat]

All right, all right.

[Gene]

No, but we should. Honestly, there should be no more beans, though. Beans should be just the nickname of, like, your fat friend.

[Pat]

What?

[Gene]

That's what I'm going to nickname.

[Joe]

You don't fuck with beans at all.

[Pat]

No.

[Joe]

Like barbecue beans?

[Gene]

No, not anymore. Like, once I saw how much sugar was in those barbecue beans, it kind of tricked me.

[Pat]

Health consciousness.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I mean, I'm definitely health conscious, though.

[Pat]

You just ate a bag of Doritos, though.

[Gene]

No, I didn't.

[Pat]

Yes, you did. At the green room.

[Gene]

At the green room, yeah. Come on, now.

[Joe]

You love hot dogs, apparently.

[Pat]

Hot dogs. Green room.

[Gene]

I don't like hot dogs. I break up my hot dogs, too, into nine pieces.

[Joe]

Nine.

[Gene]

Then I fry them again. So they're not hot dogs anymore.

[Joe]

Now they're worse for you. Let's deep fry these a little bit.

[Pat]

Hey, welcome to Crash Stories Podcast. We got Joel with here with us today.

[Joe]

I appreciate you guys having me on, man. Thank you.

[Pat]

Coming through.

[Gene]

This the guy you know more than us on our own podcast? Yes. We just introduced him, so I feel like we got to introduce ourselves. I'm Pat. Oh. Hope y' all here, you know.

[Pat]

Oh, this is totally left field. But I was putting on my boxers today, Right?

[Gene]

Crazy start.

[Pat]

Yes, crazy start.

[Joe]

Right after the hot dog conversation.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

As I was putting on.

[Gene]

How do you put on your boxers? Are you left to right?

[Pat]

So I put on my boxers and I did the little spandex little flip. Like, I was wondering, is anybody else, like, pulls on their spandex?

[Joe]

Like, let it snap against you and

[Pat]

then snap against you?

[Joe]

No, I'm not putting on pantyhose. I'm putting on.

[Gene]

I stopped that when I grew a dick.

[Pat]

I did on accident today. I was like, wait, you put them on?

[Joe]

And then you were just like, ah,

[Pat]

I put him on. I, like, I kind of went to the. I actually recorded the noise because I thought it was actually interesting.

[Gene]

Joe, do your noise again.

[Joe]

He went on the, like, with his thumb, your thumbs out.

[Pat]

No, I recorded the sound. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Listen, listen, listen,

[Joe]

Bro, chill. You need a size up.

[Pat]

Is that a size up?

[Gene]

Is that not a foreplay video or

[Joe]

some, like, someone's ass got smacked in that? That wasn't underwear.

[Pat]

No, that was all. That was all the. The spandex in my waist.

[Joe]

You need to sign up. You get. You got to size up because that sounds like it was way too tight, like it was slapping you. Dude, that was crazy. No, no.

[Pat]

So nobody else does that.

[Gene]

Knowing somebody needs to size up off audio is so crazy.

[Joe]

Yeah, that sounds like.

[Gene]

No, that didn't sound like. I feel very weird hearing that.

[Pat]

Why?

[Gene]

Because you had to be. What? Are your bathroom in your room?

[Pat]

No, no, I was in the room. I did it the first time without obviously recording.

[Mike]

Are you on?

[Gene]

Like, okay.

[Pat]

So I was like, oh, this is gonna be actually funny to bring up. And I want to actually record it. So I had a reference.

[Gene]

That's the word you came up with.

[Pat]

Okay, okay, Yeah, I just want a reference.

[Gene]

Okay, so on this video. I don't want to see the video.

[Pat]

No, no.

[Gene]

Are you in the video? No, no. So just the audio. He' ceiling the video. You're like, those only fan girls, like, after you pay and you find out audio. This could be Mac and cheese for all I know. What?

[Pat]

Just the ground?

[Walmart Worker]

No.

[Gene]

Why you showing me this, bro?

[Pat]

Why you that weirded out, bro?

[Gene]

It literally looks like something you, like, accidentally click.

[Pat]

And the angle's like this, too.

[Gene]

There's guys that'll pay for that video, though, Mike.

[Pat]

Hey, man, money's money, right?

[Joe]

That's what they say. I sold a picture of my feet once.

[Pat]

Really?

[Joe]

Yeah, just for fun. Just to say I was a sex

[Pat]

worker for a day, like, as Joe basement yard.

[Joe]

Really mad long ago. I love telling the story, though. But I was telling you guys, I do another podcast called Other People's Lives, and we talked to someone who had, like, a foot fetish. So my buddy Greg, who I do the show with, he's like, yo, should we just, like, send pictures to this dude because he's asking for them? And I was like, no. Like, no. And he's like, no, we should do it. And I was like, he's like, yeah, we get to say we're sex workers. And I was like, okay, fine. So I took a picture of my foot, he sent it to the guy, and then I retired right there.

[Pat]

What type of picture Was it like.

[Arab Woman]

Was.

[Pat]

It was like you had your foot right now?

[Joe]

No, it was like the bottom of my foot.

[Gene]

Like this bottom of the. I feel like you're supposed to, like, wait for that.

[Joe]

I'm supposed to what?

[Gene]

I don't know. I feel like the top of the foot. I'm not in a foot game, but I feel like you're not supposed to. I feel like you're not supposed to reveal, like, your bottom. That's like.

[Joe]

Yeah, but I was getting paid.

[Pat]

How much did you get paid?

[Joe]

That's a good question.

[Zambian Caller]

I don't know.

[Joe]

Probably less than you think.

[Pat]

Less than a hundred dollars, you think?

[Joe]

It's probably around there, like, 75, 175.

[Gene]

100.

[Pat]

That'll be like, you know, it knows your foot.

[Joe]

It was a bucket list, huh?

[Pat]

Do you know it was your foot?

[Joe]

Yeah, he did.

[Gene]

So he still has that?

[Joe]

He must. Unless he threw it away and then I'd be offended.

[Gene]

Honestly, I think he still has.

[Pat]

No, he definitely has. Especially because you weren't. Was the podcast as big as it is?

[Joe]

No, it wasn't.

[Gene]

So it's worth a lot more, you say? I feel like that times 100 by now.

[Joe]

I mean. Yeah, I think. I mean, the price went up. Yesterday's price is not today's price, for sure.

[Pat]

Nft.

[Joe]

But the price has gone up. But I was just like. It was. I don't know, it was just like a funny thing. And I was like. Then afterwards, I was like, what is. What's going on with this picture, though? Like, what is it being used for?

[Pat]

And was it one photo you took? Like, did you take the first? It was, like, one and done. Or did you, like, take multiple takes? Like, oh, this one don't look right. Hold on.

[Joe]

Turn the light on. Get a lamp over here. No, I didn't do all that.

[Gene]

Did you go running and do it? Let me. Let me get it. You ready?

[Pat]

Let me get a little athlete foot first.

[Joe]

Well, we also talked to another woman who, like, sells her underwear online, and she says that she gets a lot of requests where it's like, wear the same pair and work out with them for, like, five days, then send it to me.

[Gene]

Yeah, I've. I've heard it all.

[Joe]

It's. Yo.

[Gene]

Yeah, I've seen, like, the. I've seen, like, the clothes thing. We have a woman on who, like, she dated a guy and he wanted her to work 72 hours straight without a shower.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah. He liked her musty.

[Gene]

And then come straight home and then he would do it to her. Armpits.

[Pat]

It.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Now when you say do it to it.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Exactly what you think.

[Walmart Worker]

Yeah.

[Canadian Caller]

Damn.

[Arab Woman]

That's crazy.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I don't. What did I think Mike asked him? Like, does it come out of the back of the armpit or does it just.

[Joe]

He's got to be behind her, right?

[Gene]

Oh, that's a good question.

[Pat]

Or in front of like, I think for leverage reasons it has to be.

[Gene]

Cuz you have to grab here because it'd be awkward. That's a lot of info. 4 pit position. Gene just said, like in real life. Is this real. This real info.

[Joe]

What is the four this way back? Yeah.

[Pat]

Side.

[Gene]

Oh, they make an arm bar.

[Joe]

Oh. Kind of like a.

[Gene]

Okay, wait, so somebody could. So that's crazy. So there's guys getting off their dick, being in the headlock. Got it. It's more bully my dick.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Give it a nuggie.

[Joe]

I mean there's. There's people out there that like to be stepped on and kicked.

[Pat]

We had somebody too on the podcast, they like to get. She was getting paid to kick people in the ball.

[Gene]

She got fired though.

[Joe]

She got. Or she wasn't kicking hard enough.

[Gene]

To me, like all those people are in it for the love of the game. I feel like some people use it as a gateway. Like, hey, if I can pay this woman or whoever I'm paying to do this certain act, if I'm consistent, eventually I could be like, hey, show me your calf muscle. The next thing you show me your knee, you know? Yeah.

[Joe]

I mean, I don't know. I.

[Zambian Caller]

In.

[Joe]

I don't want to say. In my experience, in the conversations that

[Gene]

I've had,

[Joe]

the guys who are into getting like kicked or stepped on or whatever, like, like they are hyper focused on that.

[Pat]

Like it's like wear a stiletto especially eventually. Because those people are. The people they're looking for are very niche.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So it's like you won't be able to find them. So.

[Joe]

Yeah. So you gotta.

[Pat]

When you have a crazy kink, it's like your dating pool is very small.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Walmart Worker]

I don't think.

[Gene]

I don't think it's as small as you think it is. I think those people actually find their people a lot quicker.

[Pat]

I think they have like meetups.

[Gene]

Yeah. Because like I feel like the attraction. When you have a king, the attraction has to go down. You have to like, like start. Like if you like a specific thing. Like if you like. Yeah. Yes. If you like clowns. Like, you know, like where you're going,

[Joe]

you know, you got to Find someone who's down to clown, which is not. I mean, a lot of the people that we've talked to, there's like online forums or conventions or whatever, depending on what it is. Like, so one of the more like, sexual things are not like conventions because they're not gonna have, like a convention center where people are doing the thing. But the very niche things, they will find people that are into it, like, online somewhere, and then they'll meet up in person. But a lot of them that we talk to that have very specific things, have a partner that are, like, into it and know. And they're just.

[Pat]

That's like the most locked in relationship, too.

[Joe]

I was gonna say when you want to talk about love and also probably, like, they're just having better sex than everybody, I think.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Joe]

If you. If you have something so specific and then you find someone who's like, I'm into that too. That must be like, you know, no

[Pat]

one else is going to do it for you.

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's why you see a lot of stepdads out there. It's a lot of single moms eating ass. Hey, the game is game. Let's see. We can play a game really quick. Should we do that really quick?

[Pat]

Sure.

[Gene]

All right. I got this from, like, multiple places on the Internet. A lot of people are playing, like, as a grown man. There's a podcast in Atlanta that does it.

[Pat]

Like, sandbox.

[Gene]

Sandbox, Yes. I like them and they do it, like, a lot, and that's kind of like their thing, but it's been taken over the Internet, so I wanted to give it a try.

[Zambian Caller]

Okay.

[Gene]

No, this is from earlier.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Gene]

Mike did this earlier.

[Pat]

I did it.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

[Gene]

It says, as a grown man, you shouldn't ask another man if he's tired.

[South African Woman]

Oh.

[Pat]

Cause I asked Gene if he was tired. He looked tired.

[Gene]

That's crazy, though.

[Pat]

Like, why?

[Gene]

Because, like, why are you worried about if he sleep? Like, what are you going to do? Like, what are you going to do if he says, oh? I just.

[Pat]

Because then it makes sense in my head why he's laying on the couch with his hat over his head?

[Gene]

Like, what do you expect him to say? Like, my girl usually rubs my back at this time?

[Pat]

I just want a simple answer.

[Joe]

Oh, you think asking another man if they're tired is a gateway drug to tucking them in?

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, why do you want to know? Like, are you trying to help me go to sleep?

[Pat]

That one's a reach. That One's a reach.

[Gene]

That's a reach.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

Rock me to bed.

[Gene]

Yeah, girl. Usually.

[Pat]

So if you saw Gene sleeping and he was, like, sleeping, he looked cold, you wouldn't put the blanket over him?

[Gene]

Hell, no.

[Pat]

Really? If you saw him shivering.

[Gene]

Nah, I'd be mad as I'd be like, you dumb.

[Joe]

Take the blanket, put it up.

[Gene]

Now he think I'm about to put the blanket over him and start smothering him.

[Joe]

Grown man.

[Arab Woman]

Grown man.

[Gene]

Don't shiver. Wow.

[Pat]

That's toxic.

[Gene]

Okay, next one. Next one. As a grown man, you shouldn't have a group chat name.

[Pat]

No, that's that. We have group chat names.

[Gene]

No, no, no, no, no. We don't have group chat.

[Walmart Worker]

Don't say that.

[Mike]

Don't say that.

[Pat]

Yes, we do. We have. With editing. We have one.

[Gene]

Yes. That's work. You have to name them because we're in, like, jeans and five different group chats with it. So if I go and type both y' all names in it.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I might be talking about it. Be like, yo, there's a.

[Pat]

There's a chat between all us three, and it says CDP chat.

[Gene]

CDP chat.

[Pat]

Working there.

[Gene]

Yes, I do.

[Arab Woman]

Oh, you don't.

[Joe]

You just know creative names.

[Gene]

You. You have some, don't you name them? Yeah, bro, look at me.

[Joe]

White people. This is what we do. What's the crazy dog Instagrams like? This is. This is what we do. Kiss our dog on the mouth. I don't actually do that, but.

[Pat]

But what type of group chats do you have then, other than work one?

[Joe]

Like, friends.

[Pat]

Do y' all name it?

[Gene]

Yeah, we want to know.

[Joe]

I don't. I don't come up with the names, but there are names. So when you have a group chat, it's just numbers.

[Pat]

Just people I know with their names.

[Mike]

Usually.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But like, if it's like, again, work related.

[Joe]

But how do you know which chat is what?

[Gene]

You might have more friends than us. Maybe that's the other thing.

[Joe]

But like, yeah, for, like, work ones. Like, I'll have those, like, depending on, like. So I know how to, like, get to it. Yeah, but I mean, yeah, I'm only really in, like, three chats. 33.

[Gene]

Fucking talk to the president.

[Arab Woman]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Tiger Woods.

[Joe]

So. But you don't have, like, a group chat with, like, five other people?

[Gene]

Hell, no.

[Walmart Worker]

No.

[Joe]

How many are in a group chat?

[Gene]

Like, four at the most.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

And it's, like, gotta be work related. There's no. Like, I don't. I'm not going. I'm not gonna lie. Like, you for, like, special occasions. Like, I go out with this many people, like, four. And let's say you add a couple. That's fine.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Special occasion. But if we lived in the same city and we hung out consistently, I would challenge you to break your friend group apart if I'm gonna be a part of it.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Gene]

Yo, who you invited? Nah, nah, just. Just Tom and Jerry.

[Joe]

You got too many people. That's fair. I have one. Because I grew up with a lot of kids in Queens. So we had a group chat. At one point, there was like, 15 people in it. And, like, that's out of control. And, like, that no longer exists. But that was like. My introduction to group chats was like, there's 15 people at one time talking, and a lot of it's, like, dead. But, like, you'll sometimes when the chat is going, I mean, there's 15 people.

[Pat]

Oh, I was in a group chat. Okay. But this is back. This is like maybe like five years ago. So Snapchat group chat with random. With random Michaels. And we're. The group chat name was Coochie Wizards. It was Random Michaels. I've never met before.

[Gene]

So, like, everybody. Only reason it was in there, because they were named Michael.

[Pat]

Yes. And I got added by Michael.

[Joe]

You must have been.

[Gene]

But, yeah, James, the one that put

[Pat]

me in the group. I never really. I never said it. Anything in there. But they were like, post. Like, it's almost like posting their little W's in the chat. And everybody's like, good. Michael Grand Rising. Michaels.

[Joe]

Grand Rising.

[Pat]

Some like that. Yeah.

[Joe]

So, like, oh, I got a promotion at work today, but.

[Pat]

Exactly. And I guess there was one dude named Trevor that got into the group and they went crazy on them.

[Gene]

But get this.

[Pat]

Get who invited? They were mad. They kicked the person that invited Trevor out the group chat. Shout out to the Coochie Wizards, bro.

[Gene]

That's fire. A guy that is named Trevor would try to get in a micro group. Like, what a.

[Joe]

Can I get in with you, Michaels?

[Gene]

No, because usually Trevor suck. You know what I mean? Like, there's no group like Trevor's. They can't even get together.

[Pat]

Trevor Wallace seems like a decent dude.

[Gene]

Trevor Wallace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But name another good Trevor.

[Pat]

Trevor Lawrence.

[Gene]

You think Trevor Wallace and Trevor Ariza would match up?

[Joe]

What, them on a podcast together?

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

If I saw that, I'd be like, this is the most random.

[Pat]

I feel like a fever dream.

[Joe]

Yeah. Like, duo I've ever seen.

[Pat]

Trevor Ariza, too.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I just. I feel like that's how I feel about Lamar Odom and any other human

[Joe]

being out there if they did a podcast.

[Gene]

I just want to see Lamar Odom with anybody.

[Joe]

First of all, Lamar Odom, he's alive, right?

[Pat]

Yes.

[Joe]

But, you know, the reason why I asked that is because. First of all. No, no, no.

[Zambian Caller]

Because.

[Gene]

I mean.

[Joe]

Yeah, hold on, let me explain why I said that.

[Pat]

Because he's alive.

[Joe]

The reason why I say that because the documentary on Netflix is like. Like, the Birth and Death of Lamar Odom or something like that.

[Gene]

That was confusing.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Arab Woman]

Okay.

[Joe]

I was like, he didn't die. Did he die? And I missed that. And then he's like, he's alive. If I was him, I'd be like, bro, take this out of the title. Like, you're making people.

[Pat]

Is that what it's called? The Birth and Death?

[Joe]

It's called something like that. But, like, I'm pretty sure death is in the title. And that's why I was like, there's no way he's dead.

[Gene]

All I got from the documentary is that I just watched a couple clips.

[Pat]

Yeah, I just didn't clip the death

[Joe]

and life of Lamar Odom.

[Pat]

He did die, though.

[Gene]

He did.

[Joe]

He flatlined.

[Walmart Worker]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Yeah, he technically died. Then he went to rehab, and then, like, while Chloe had him at her house, he was, like, sneaking and doing crack again, like, right after he got out of rehab. It's crazy.

[Joe]

That's crazy.

[Gene]

That's so crazy. He's. But no, I definitely. We, like, we almost had him on the pile one time, though.

[Pat]

That would have been a good episode.

[Gene]

No, really?

[Joe]

You almost had Lamar Odom on the podcast.

[Gene]

I. We're, like, this close. I'm telling you.

[Joe]

That would have.

[Gene]

It was just too late at night. He's probably already in party mode by then. Okay, this is for Gene again. As a grown man, you shouldn't have a ride waiting outside.

[Zambian Caller]

That.

[Pat]

That's.

[Gene]

That's so true.

[Joe]

Don't wait for your Uber on the street like a man.

[Arab Woman]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Like, why is your ride waiting for you? No, I think you're trying to talk to other people.

[Joe]

You know what? I agree with that one. That's so funny. That's a good one.

[Gene]

Isn't that weird? Like, you're talking to a guy, you're just like, yo, bro, when you leaving? And he's just like, oh, my ride's already outside. Just like, what the.

[Joe]

Bro, why aren't you in the car? Also, why are you not waiting outside? Is it too cold, bro? Go be a man. Go stand.

[Pat]

I'm definitely waiting inside.

[Gene]

No, that's crazy.

[Joe]

That's so funny.

[Gene]

Okay, we'll do a couple more.

[Joe]

I also have anxiety about an Uber pulling up and then, like, leaving. Yeah, I'd be so mad if that happened.

[Pat]

Ubers in New York are quick. Like, I've never, like, usually, especially in Milwaukee. It's like, you probably wait, like, five, six, ten minutes. Here's like, your Ubers arrive. Your Ubers arrive. Your Ubers arrived.

[Joe]

My way upstairs. I've arrived, question mark. Like, bro, give me a second. Like, I'm walking towards the car.

[Gene]

I just appreciate them. They're like. Like, it's almost like they're grateful for the work.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Gene]

You know what I mean? They're like, yes. Let's get to work. Let me help you with your bags. Let's go. Because, like, in Milwaukee, like, they act like you're hitching a ride or something like that. You know I'm paying for this, right?

[Pat]

Well, the.

[Joe]

The airport thing, which I. I forget where I was just in Calgary. But they're the Ubers. Like, when you call an Uber here and you're at the airport, they always get out and they help you with your bags, which I feel like is like, they don't need to do that. Like, but it's. It's nice. Whatever. But they do not do that there. Like, are you calling? They're just like, all right. Yeah, your shit's in the back. Okay. And I'm like, yeah. Like, you know, that's fine. But it was just funny to see that. Like, I don't know if that's a requirement or something in New York, where the Ubers have to get out and then help you with your bags.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah.

[Joe]

And whatever. Sometimes I want to help, but the guy's like, oh, my God. I was like, all right.

[Pat]

Yeah. Some won't even let you. They're like, one dude slapped my hand.

[Gene]

I was like, hey, no, that's crazy.

[Pat]

I got it.

[Gene]

No, slapping your hand is crazy. Okay? This is for Mike. Right now. Everybody look at him, camera him as a grown man. You shouldn't hold your phone with two hands. No, it's not.

[Pat]

It's a posture. How do you hold your phone like this? Because, like, I used to go to chiropractor, like, every week in college, and he was telling me about my posture, so I started practicing holding, like, my phone.

[Joe]

Oh, so that you're not like this.

[Pat]

Yeah, so I hold my phone eye level.

[Gene]

You went every week?

[Pat]

Yeah, I went every week.

[Joe]

Hey, what the hell happened to you?

[Gene]

That seems a little excessive.

[Arab Woman]

Really?

[Gene]

Every Week.

[Pat]

Every week.

[Joe]

Like, did you play a sport?

[Pat]

Yeah, football.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Gene]

Was he hitting you up?

[Joe]

Like, what are you doing? You sound stiff over the phone.

[Gene]

You sound stiff. It's crazy,

[Joe]

I guess, if you're playing. What position did you play?

[Pat]

Oh, receiver.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Pat]

That's where we met. We met in college. Okay.

[Joe]

So maybe. Maybe if you're getting up over the

[Gene]

middle, chiropractic, like, bring your boy in.

[Joe]

Bring the whole receiving core in.

[Gene]

Okay, last one. Okay, let's see. Oh, I like this. I do. I'm doing this last one because I'm guilty of it, and I got called out on it by these two for both things. As a grown man, you shouldn't run across the street, and you shouldn't run to the elevator when it's closing.

[Pat]

No, I give. I give it a little throt. Like a.

[Gene]

Which one?

[Joe]

Fake one?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Elevator or to the. To both.

[Pat]

Elevator or to what?

[Gene]

Or like. Okay, I'm walking and it says stop. And you know the light.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe]

It's like a car.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

No, I'm running across the street a little bit.

[Gene]

It depends on what you ran.

[Mike]

Not.

[Gene]

I give a little burst, and then I try to, like, cool it out. Like, I'm never finishing running. Yeah, you might as well just.

[Pat]

No, finish line. Finish.

[Gene]

Literally. Might as well just bend over when you cross. You ran over here?

[Joe]

Yeah, I'm not running across, but I'll, like, move my arms so it appears like I'm moving.

[Mike]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Joe]

I just want the driver to be like, you don't make it some sort of. You know, but just walking, like, because it's not caring.

[Pat]

It is annoying as a driver when you see somebody, like, walking across the street, very nonchalant, and it's like, they're not supposed to be crossing. It's like, okay, you don't even care. I should run your ass over. But I do give a little burst, like you said.

[Joe]

And I'm also too insecure to run for an elevator or, like, a bus or something. Like, if I'm missing something, I missed it.

[Pat]

I found out. I was like, so my hat. It was windy as fucking Milwaukee.

[Zambian Caller]

One day.

[Pat]

I had this. This hat on. It was pretty pricey hat.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It blew off my head and it started blowing down the street, and I'm like, okay, this is.

[Joe]

That's.

[Pat]

What do I do? Do I chase this?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So I started giving a little.

[South African Woman]

A little.

[Pat]

A little run. Like, my arms fast, like you said.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Then it started blowing further and further down the street. So I'm like, okay, I Have to give a little speed now because I have to catch this hat. Because it's just gonna be a. It's either gonna. I get it now. And. And the embarrassment is over with, or. Or I keep running. Try to be cool and run slow, and it just keeps going further.

[Joe]

Were you by yourself?

[Pat]

I helps.

[Joe]

Because if you. If I was with someone and that happened, I'd be like that.

[Gene]

But.

[Joe]

But if I'm by myself, like, I'm probably going to go after.

[Pat]

I got lucky, it blew under a car and it stopped. I was like, thank God, no.

[Joe]

So then you had to slide.

[Pat]

I'm glad it stopped, though. But at least I was like, on the. Be behind the car, so it wasn't, like, facing the street. It was, like, on the curve. So I can.

[Joe]

Like, you're underneath the car. Someone's like, what are you doing? So I'm checking the.

[Pat]

And it was one of those things where the curb is pretty high. So I, like, had to, like, really, like. I was like, down like this.

[Gene]

That'd be so crazy if you died like that. That'd be the dumbest death after what happened to him chasing his hat.

[Joe]

It's like a cartoon. Chase my hat right into traffic.

[Gene]

That reminded me of our. Our friend probably had, like, the worst hat moment in college. We were driving down this highway. The driver accidentally rolled down the backseat window, and our prince hat flew off the door.

[Pat]

And this. And when you're on the car, there's nothing you can do but look at your, like, tumbleweed.

[Gene]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Because you can't tell him to stop. Shit's gone, bro.

[Joe]

One time I was in an Uber, and I was sitting behind the driver, and he rolled down his window, and he spit out the window, and I felt some hit my face, and I was like, I literally. And, yo, I don't, like. Like, I don't like that type. Not. Not that. Like, like, obviously everyone hates germs, and. But it's like, another level for me. I'm not, like, a super germaphobe, but someone spitting on me. Like, I literally was like, yo, I have to. But I'm also not the type of

[Pat]

person to, like, confrontational.

[Arab Woman]

I'm. I'm.

[Joe]

I. I'm like, I could be confrontational, but I don't want to make this person feel bad. It was clearly an accident. So what am I going to get out of that? By being like, yo, like, freaking out, and this guy's in control of my life. So I was like, I'm not gonna mention it. And then I Like, tweeted about it. It's like, as, like, a joke.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Joe]

And then Uber refunded the whole trip.

[Pat]

Oh, dang.

[Joe]

And then I was like, damn, I hope I didn't get this guy fired.

[Gene]

Like, because I feel bad now.

[Pat]

My reaction would have been loud enough that he knew he did something.

[Joe]

If it hit my lip, I would have lost it. I would. I would have flipped the car myself. But it hit me, like, right here, and I was like, yo.

[Gene]

No, I'm literally. I'm literally taking a shit in your backseat, so sorry. I'm literally pulling down my pants and soiling myself in your backseat.

[Joe]

Well, I'm about to get even back here.

[Gene]

He has a. What's that spit story you told to.

[Pat]

With the D Ray?

[Walmart Worker]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Was that the. A dude was at the airport and he was. We were. We were at the stalls peeing, and all I hear is. All I hear is, he's like, I spit on my dick.

[Joe]

This is a white guy.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Come on, now.

[Gene]

I know.

[Joe]

I knew from the beginning, bro, what you said. Yeah. If you go.

[Pat]

He wasn't, like, talking to me. He was, like, talking to himself. But we're only, like, one stall apart.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So it's like, okay.

[Joe]

You're basically saying that to me.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Like, what are we doing here? You didn't even have to announce that.

[Pat]

No, damn. It was just like. It was like, a surprise about. It's like, what the.

[Gene]

No, I'm surprised he didn't check in on you. Like, yo, bro, did you hear me?

[Pat]

Yeah, let me repeat it.

[Gene]

Like, okay, last tweet a week before. We gotta get to callers. Okay. Oh, yeah, my favorite one. Eugene sent me this. He said, move. Somebody said, what if I cut it both my arms off and went to the sperm bank?

[Joe]

First of all, cut. It is crazy. There's got to be something. There's got to be an answer to that. But also, can they just be like,

[Pat]

you don't think they'll accept his sperm?

[Joe]

Or. A machine?

[Pat]

Huh?

[Joe]

A machine. A machine who.

[Gene]

He cut both his arms off. How are they going to get his sperm?

[Joe]

Oh, a machine of some sort of.

[Gene]

No, that'd be up. They just had some, like, big buff dude, like, he handle it. No, no, no.

[Pat]

It's probably time to use this.

[Joe]

What was that, like, a meme? It was like a meme that you saw.

[Gene]

That's a tweet. It's a real tweet. What if I cut both? Okay, last one.

[Pat]

Oh, my gosh.

[Gene]

I gave a homeless man this last taco. And he talking about, where the green sauce, man,

[Pat]

I see that a lot, lot more now.

[Gene]

Homeless people are getting more selective with the shit that goes into their body, and rightfully so. Like, I literally tried to give. I thought, like, I was trying to do a good thing. I saw a homeless guy, he asked for money before I went in. And I'm just like, you know what? I'm a buy food, because I don't know, what are you using the money for? And I bought them, like, a bunch of double cheeseburgers. And I handed it to him. He was like, bro, I don't eat this. I was like, damn.

[Joe]

Really?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

He was like, straight up. Told me. He's like, I don't eat McDonald's. I was like, should start.

[Pat]

I feel like you can be picky.

[Joe]

I mean, I mean, what I. I

[Gene]

guess, you know, you can't tell anywhere.

[Joe]

Yeah, more health conscious. It's 2026. Probably got a gym membership.

[Pat]

Some of them do, though.

[Gene]

No, that's true.

[Joe]

That's like the. That's what you got to do.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Showers you can get, you know, you be healthy or whatever. But that's mad funny, Cameron.

[Gene]

Imagine still talk to women. Yeah, I live around the area.

[Joe]

You know, I worked for a company that. It was called Elite Daily here in Manhattan. And there was a homeless guy who had a sign that we would walk by all the time, and he was like, on our corner. And then. But he always looked, like, kind of well dressed. And then one of our. One of the guys that worked there was like, I'm gonna go interview that guy and see, like, what the deal is. And then we did this whole series on him. I think it's called, like, Homeless Joe. But it was a guy who, like, there was like an interview thing. They, like, walked around with him and he would go to, like, CVS and he would just, like, use something there, like in the aisle to, like, do his hair and whatever. And then he would go to bars and he would, like, hit on women and then go home with them and stay with them. And it was like this whole thing and it went, like, crazy viral. But that was like the thing. He's like, sometimes I would get a gym membership to, like, take a shower or whatever. And then I go to CVS and I use this stuff. He has a bunch of outfits, so he doesn't like, you know, quote unquote look homeless.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Joe]

But he is sitting there and he's like, panhandling. But then he'll try to go out to bars and present as, like, not homeless. And just be like, oh, I'll just come stay at your place. Oh, like, that's kind of what he was doing. This was a while ago.

[Gene]

That has to be, like, the, like, best Riz of all time. Like, I don't have. He was sleep. Riz is crazy.

[Joe]

He was a very smooth talker. Like, for sure. But it was very, like, interesting. Like, crazy. He became like, an Internet sensation.

[Pat]

I've never. What. Do you know his name?

[Joe]

Homeless Joe. I mean, that's the only name that I.

[Pat]

Is he still around?

[Joe]

I don't think so. This was a while ago.

[Pat]

So you don't think he's homeless anymore?

[Joe]

No, I think he's chilling.

[Gene]

He got it figured out now.

[Joe]

He must have moved out of Manhattan,

[Gene]

found the right one. Find the right one. Married, got two houses, somebody for everybody. No, that is very true.

[Pat]

All right, let's get to some callers. Yo, yo.

[Walmart Worker]

What's going on?

[Pat]

You know, chilling.

[Gene]

Sound like he's smoking or something.

[Walmart Worker]

Yeah, no, that's true. That's true.

[Pat]

Welcome to Craft Stories Podcast. It's me, Pat, and our friend Joe here.

[Walmart Worker]

All right, nice to be back. Nice to be back.

[Mike]

Oh, you.

[Pat]

Repeat caller.

[Walmart Worker]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Gene]

I gotta cross it out.

[Pat]

What's your hot take of the week?

[Walmart Worker]

All right, it's not even for the week. This for, like, life. But not showering after sex is top tier.

[Joe]

Oh, what?

[Walmart Worker]

Because, like, for me, I just like that nice sex coochie smell, like. And then a couple days, like, you feel me? You'll be marinating. I get to scratch my nuts. Look, scratch and sniff. You smell me?

[Gene]

Sex coochie smell.

[Joe]

You said a couple of days.

[Walmart Worker]

Yeah, maybe like one or two, but shit, maybe even three, depending on how I'm feeling.

[Pat]

Interesting.

[Gene]

Do you take showers yourself or does. Yeah, it's a mutual thing. Like, nobody takes a shower. Or you get to take a shower and she doesn't.

[Walmart Worker]

No, no, no. She still do her normal thing. Like just after we had sex for a couple days. Like, I'm just not going to shower a couple days.

[Pat]

Like, where do you work? Like, where do you work at Wally World. Oh, what type of. What type? Oh, like Walmart.

[Walmart Worker]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay, okay. I never heard somebody call it Wally World.

[Gene]

Sounds like a lifetime employee to me.

[Walmart Worker]

No, no, no, no.

[Pat]

You don't think that I smelled this?

[Joe]

Like, what does your apartment smell like?

[Walmart Worker]

I mean, it smelled good.

[Pat]

Like, to you.

[Mike]

My.

[Walmart Worker]

My nuts just stink. That's it.

[Pat]

Your nuts stank, but you got, like,

[Joe]

candles going or something like that.

[Walmart Worker]

I mean, yeah, like, you feel me? It's just me.

[Gene]

You. You literally walk past soap every fucking day. Like. Like, you.

[Walmart Worker]

I know.

[Gene]

Like, what do you do at Walmart?

[Walmart Worker]

I be stocking, of course.

[Gene]

We knew you had to be in the back. There's no way this man is on the floor.

[Pat]

So, like, is it just with the girl you're with or just any girl that you have sex with?

[Walmart Worker]

The girl I'm with right now, like, in the past. You feel me? Like, I'm gonna take that. I'm gonna take that day or two without that shower.

[Joe]

Does she know you're doing that? Does she like it?

[Walmart Worker]

Nobody gonna know I'm doing it.

[Joe]

Okay, man.

[Pat]

It's like you in too deep, brother.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Walmart Worker]

No, no, no.

[Gene]

Like, when is the last time. When is the last time you had a shower? Are you talking to a stinky or have you just.

[Walmart Worker]

No, I. I had a shower just yesterday.

[Gene]

He said I had a shower. Like, it's like an event.

[Pat]

Did you leave the house today?

[Walmart Worker]

Nah, I don't got work till tonight.

[Pat]

Oh, that. He smelled like weed and just smoking

[Gene]

weed, stinking up your girl.

[Walmart Worker]

I've been taking my showers, though. I ain't had no bunion in a minute.

[Gene]

Oh, so you literally only do it when you have.

[Walmart Worker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gene]

So, like, you wait until you do the stinkiest thing, almost like the. Probably the second stinkiest thing a human can do, and then you don't shower.

[Walmart Worker]

What type of girls you messing with,

[Gene]

bro? Your girl literally stinks, bro. Yes, she does. If you stink, she stinks. There's nothing.

[Walmart Worker]

They don't work. That's not how that work. It is not showing after the sex. It's not.

[Pat]

But you're, like. You're, like, sweaty. And though, like, you just said your ball smell, so if your balls smell, there's more chance that she smells as well.

[Walmart Worker]

No, that's not true. My girlfriend smell like, like.

[Gene]

No, your. Your girl. Your girlfriend's stinky off proximity. If you stink, your girlfriend stinks because she's allowed. So she's Miss Stinky.

[Arab Woman]

Will you.

[Joe]

Will you shower before you have sex after this, this time? Or were you just like, oh, I

[Walmart Worker]

always shower before the set.

[Joe]

Okay, okay. At least there's that.

[Gene]

So how do you know you're about to have sex if you're walking around stinky and then your girl come in like, oh, babe, I want to have sex. You like, hold on, let me go hop in the shower.

[Walmart Worker]

That's the thing. Like, if I sex, I'm not gonna be stinky. I'm not stinky. Most of the time, it's just after the sex. Like, for them. One or two days after sex, like, I'm gonna be still scratching, sniffing my nuts.

[Gene]

So you're only having sex so you don't have sex consistently. That's what you're saying. Because you're saying one or two days, so you have to wait one or two days.

[Walmart Worker]

I mean. Yeah, not. Not too consistent.

[Joe]

You're trying to make the smell last.

[Walmart Worker]

Yeah. Like, really let it marinate. Like, but it's not like, I'm not having sex on purpose. Like.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, but you're just trying to make it last. Like, you. You want this. The. The funk to.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah.

[Walmart Worker]

Like. Like you ain't never, like, had sex in the car, like, hot box, Like, a little bit.

[Gene]

Yeah, I get what you're saying, but.

[Joe]

Yeah, but I roll the windows down.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Walmart Worker]

No, I ain't rolling no windows down,

[Pat]

trying to sweat.

[Joe]

I'm trapping it.

[Gene]

Hot box and coochie is different. You know it.

[Arab Woman]

All right, bro.

[Pat]

You have a good one.

[Walmart Worker]

Y' all, too, man.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[South African Woman]

How's it, guys?

[Pat]

Hello.

[Gene]

Okay. You're the one. Got it.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Welcome to crowdsomies podcast.

[South African Woman]

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

[Gene]

Happy international Women's century to you, too.

[South African Woman]

Oh, hey. I didn't even know that. Damn.

[Gene]

It's like, I feel like worst woman alive.

[South African Woman]

Worst woman alive.

[Gene]

Guys, who. You are?

[South African Woman]

Yeah. Hell yes.

[Joe]

No, you're okay.

[Pat]

Where are you from?

[South African Woman]

South Africa.

[Pat]

Okay. Okay.

[Gene]

Oh, okay.

[Pat]

I got a question for you. What's the strangest thing you've ever spent money on?

[South African Woman]

That would have to be the PS5 that I bought my lame ass ex when he very clearly did not like me. Not an inch.

[Arab Woman]

Why.

[Joe]

Why are you saying that he didn't like you?

[South African Woman]

Oh, man, he used to call me a lot of names. Dead ass. He'd be like, you're a slut. I'm like, dude, I'm only sleeping with you. What are you talking about?

[Pat]

Why was he. Why was. What happened with the slut allegations?

[South African Woman]

I don't know, man. Like, why was he angry? I think it's just because I'm. I don't have a lot of guy friends, but, like, the ones that I do have, like, I'm close to. Do you feel me?

[Pat]

Okay, close in what way?

[South African Woman]

I just, like, I would be there for them. Do you feel me? Like, if they were, like, one of them was going through a hell of bad breakup, like, all his friends abandoned him like that, and I was, like, there for him, you know?

[Gene]

Oh, okay. This is. That's pretty easy. It's pretty easy. Hang. Did he think those guys were lying or like he just didn't like you hanging out with those guys?

[South African Woman]

I think he just didn't like any male attention that I got. Like, the whole thing was just weird.

[Joe]

How long did you date him?

[South African Woman]

Oh, you guys are gonna tune the out of me. But on and off for four years, I think I went back to him like 10 times.

[Gene]

10 times?

[Pat]

God damn. What was the first? Like, what were the reasons you left him?

[Joe]

Yeah, the first nine, that 10 time. Like, at what year did you buy this Xbox? The ps? Five

[South African Woman]

years ago, I think.

[Joe]

Oh, two years ago. Oh, are you guys like done? Because you said on and off, so are you actually off?

[South African Woman]

Hell yes, I'm off. The most single girl you will ever meet.

[Gene]

We gotta get you on a dating show. You deserve love. That dude wherever he at. Hope he. Hope he burn in hell.

[South African Woman]

I mean, if you're single, you know,

[Pat]

you.

[Mike]

Who

[South African Woman]

both of you.

[Gene]

Whenever you finish that semester at Hogwarts, we could.

[Pat]

I appreciate you coming on.

[Gene]

No, no, we appreciate you and we. Maybe we'll get you.

[South African Woman]

Thanks guys for having me.

[Gene]

Maybe we'll get you on a dating show to help you find love because you don't deserve.

[South African Woman]

Oh, yes, please do.

[Gene]

You don't deserve whatever that dude is doing to you. Him. Everybody agree?

[Pat]

Yes. Yes.

[South African Woman]

Oh, thanks.

[Pat]

All right, you have a good one.

[Arab Woman]

Hello.

[Pat]

Hello.

[Arab Woman]

Hi.

[Pat]

Hello. Welcome to Crash on these podcasts. Hi, it's me, Pat, and our friend Joe here.

[Arab Woman]

Hi, guys.

[Gene]

And only one of us has on an international woman shirt. It's me, Hurrah Edit. International women's right here. Appreciate you. I gotta. I got a prompt for you, so start it like this. As a grown man or woman, you shouldn't go ahead.

[Arab Woman]

Should not be wearing all white. Come down to the shoes.

[Joe]

Just an all white outfit.

[Arab Woman]

Yeah, like wearing all white tee and then going and buying white jeans is crazy because where do you even find white?

[Pat]

What is it going to Michael Rubin's house? I mean, the all white party.

[Arab Woman]

You got money then? Sure.

[Gene]

Oh, so if you have money, you

[Arab Woman]

can wear all white teachers on you throwing the party? Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Okay, what about like a. Like a European linen collection?

[Arab Woman]

I think Europeans look at Americans when they wear all linen. Crazy probably.

[Gene]

If you go to Europe, are you. Are you allowed to wear all weight or is it just like you said, man and woman or just men?

[Arab Woman]

No man. Grown men.

[Joe]

What about. How do you feel about men wearing a full white suit on their wedding

[Pat]

day

[Arab Woman]

to Each his own. But I guess if that's what he wants to do. I mean, his wedding day, that's how he want to be remembered. That's how he wanted to be.

[Pat]

What is. What was your husband or your.

[Arab Woman]

My man.

[Pat]

Yeah, it was. If it was your man.

[Gene]

No, your husband.

[Arab Woman]

My husband. No, it wouldn't. I wouldn't fly.

[Pat]

That would not fly on his day.

[Gene]

Oh, wait, wait. This is hypothetical.

[Arab Woman]

No dead ass.

[Joe]

Like, no, you would walk down the aisle, put your foot in the ground, and turn the other way.

[Arab Woman]

No, he would not be able to make that soup period. No, he's not making that shoe always.

[Pat]

How would you know he had it, though? Don't you guys, like, hide the men? Men don't hide their suits.

[Joe]

The first look.

[Pat]

Yeah,

[Arab Woman]

it's the woman's day, not the men's day.

[Gene]

Are we. Are we talking about a hypothetical relationship, though? Is she in a relationship?

[Arab Woman]

I'm actually in a relationship.

[Gene]

Oh, okay. So he doesn't wear all white?

[Arab Woman]

No, he does not.

[Joe]

What is it about the all white that you don't like?

[Arab Woman]

I don't know. It gives high school. It gives childish.

[Gene]

I feel it. What is like. Let's talk about your husband, though. I met your boyfriend.

[Arab Woman]

Right, My boyfriend. What about him?

[Gene]

How long y' all been dating?

[Arab Woman]

Like 4.

[Gene]

Some years or some years. How old are you?

[Arab Woman]

Yeah, I'm 29.

[Gene]

Y' all been dating since y' all about 25?

[Pat]

Nope.

[Gene]

Y'.

[Arab Woman]

All.

[Gene]

Y' all engaged?

[Arab Woman]

Better be this year.

[Gene]

He probably said that last year.

[Arab Woman]

No, no, no. I'm dead ass this year. This year's like my year. I'm like, I'm turning 30. If not, I'm gonna find me one.

[Pat]

Oh, wow. Also, you ready to leave if you don't get engaged, too?

[Arab Woman]

Yeah. What? I'm foreign. I need to be foreign down my ass about this.

[Gene]

You're foreign?

[Pat]

Oh, you're Nigerian, aren't you?

[Arab Woman]

I'm Arab.

[Gene]

Got it, got it, got it.

[Pat]

What's your name? That sound Nigerian for some reason.

[Arab Woman]

It is Nigerian, but it's in Arabic. It's pronounced.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Arab Woman]

Cause y' all can't say it.

[Gene]

No, no, you good. I probably wouldn't.

[Pat]

I just knew it was not a Nigerian name. Yeah, you're about right.

[Arab Woman]

It is. It is. Yeah. No, yeah, it is. It is a Nigerian name, but mine's a spelled way different, so.

[Gene]

What if your boyfriend told you? I'll propose to you, but I want to be able to wear all white for the rest of our lives.

[Arab Woman]

Better be in private

[Joe]

or if he. Or if he. He gets down on a knee and he's wearing an all white outfit. Are you like I want to say,

[Arab Woman]

he's not going to wear all white, my man. He's very particular how he dresses.

[Gene]

Oh, you know everything he gonna do, huh?

[Arab Woman]

Yeah, well, I don't know everything.

[Gene]

Yeah, exactly.

[Arab Woman]

Little things.

[Mike]

All right.

[Gene]

All right, well, hit us back when you engage. See you.

[Arab Woman]

Oh, I will.

[Gene]

Hopefully the podcast still going.

[Pat]

Hopefully we got along late night by then.

[Arab Woman]

Hopefully I am. Or I might be married by then.

[Gene]

Be like my new co host. My son, my 18 year old son here.

[Pat]

All right, you have a good one.

[Arab Woman]

You too. Bye.

[Zambian Caller]

Bye.

[Gene]

Yo. God damn.

[Pat]

Yo.

[Gene]

Who we call the right brothers. Turn that point.

[Mike]

I'm in the semi truck. I know. I'm sorry, guys.

[Pat]

Okay. I definitely heard the serious radio. I got a question for you. Oh, finish this prompt. As a grown man, you shouldn't, you

[Mike]

shouldn't be vlogging every day as a grown man.

[Pat]

No, get ready with me.

[Mike]

What's that said?

[Pat]

No get ready with me.

[Mike]

No, that's all right. But if you got like your grandmother and she's the only one that watches the video, then. No, just stop.

[Pat]

Well, that's how, that's how you got to start, though.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, that's true. Don't get me wrong. But like, if you do it for like years and you still got one view and just your family watching and your cousins watching.

[Gene]

Is he Canadian or something?

[Mike]

No. Hey, no, no, no. I get that a lot.

[Joe]

That sounded even more.

[Mike]

I'm from Minnesota.

[Gene]

Oh, that makes a lot of sense. So you are Canadian.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, that's Canadian adjacent.

[Pat]

It sounds like, like it might be actually happening in your life. Like, who's vlogging right now that you want to stop? You can shout them out right now.

[Mike]

I don't know anybody, man.

[Joe]

What's an appropriate amount of days in a row that you could vlog? That is acceptable. But then you said after a certain amount of time you're like, all right, pack it in.

[Mike]

Well, I mean, I've seen some people on Instagram reels and they usually get like 10, 12 likes on their videos and all. But like they've been doing it for years and they just, they just haven't gained anything.

[Gene]

Okay, I got a thing for you. Okay. You drive a truck, right?

[Mike]

Yes, sir.

[Gene]

Okay, you're driving a truck. Let's say you, you long distance, regional.

[Mike]

So sometimes I'm out of the home.

[Gene]

Just give me, just give me an average, average time that you drive from Place to place

[Mike]

about. Well, you get 11 hours of driving.

[Gene]

Okay, let's say in 11 hours, 13 people hunk at you and say, man, that's some good driving. Would you feel good about yourself?

[Mike]

Not gonna lie. Yeah, you got me blushing over here.

[Joe]

You know how to drive that?

[Mike]

Hey, I appreciate it. You got me feeling good over here. Not gonna lie.

[Gene]

But that's how those people feel with those 11, 12 likes. That. That's a lot of likes. People don't have to like your. When the last time you got a. When the last time you got a compliment on your driving?

[Mike]

I would say one time when I was driving through a blizzard and I never put that thing in the ditch. And I've seen some other guys put themselves in the ditch, so.

[Gene]

Oh, you got a ditch.

[Mike]

That's good.

[Gene]

You gotta. You didn't die. Compliment.

[Joe]

Happy you're still here?

[Mike]

Yeah. But I just want to say thank you guys for putting me on here. You know, I've been watching since, like, the first episodes I ever watched was the day that you guys put the old guy that was holding or ordering a White Castle. I don't know if you guys remember that.

[Gene]

No, we don't. An old guy that was ordering White Castle.

[Mike]

I don't know. Some old head. He was. He rides a motorcycle. That's all I know. Okay.

[Zambian Caller]

That detail.

[Gene]

That detail made it a thousand times worse for my memory. He just added a motorcycle to something I already didn't know.

[Mike]

Well, I mean, I usually call him. Sometimes he's on the motorcycle. And the first time I ever heard this guy, he was ordering White Castle. And you guys are talking about what he do on his last day on Earth. And I think it was something about he was getting a foursome with some girls or something.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Gene]

Yeah, I do remember right now he's on my og.

[Pat]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

You should put him. You should put him on again. We haven't heard from him.

[Gene]

That's. That's like one of our.

[Pat]

That's actually a real friend.

[Gene]

That's like a real friend. He going through. He got a real motorcycle team, so be careful what you say. They might pull up on you.

[Walmart Worker]

All right.

[Pat]

You have a good one.

[Mike]

All right, you too. Thanks.

[Pat]

Hello?

[Canadian Caller]

You guys hear me?

[Pat]

Yeah, we're gonna get right into it. How's it going?

[Canadian Caller]

Oh, good.

[Gene]

Slow down, Mike.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. All right, what's your hot take of the week?

[Canadian Caller]

The United States has way too many states in it.

[Joe]

Too many states.

[Canadian Caller]

Yeah, way too many.

[Joe]

We're going to give you an opportunity right now which One should we get rid of?

[Pat]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Canadian Caller]

Probably one of the useless ones, like Wyoming.

[Pat]

Okay, what else?

[Gene]

Down to 49.

[Pat]

What do we.

[Joe]

What is that one, like, getting sucked into.

[Canadian Caller]

They can become its own thing.

[Joe]

Do you just want to rename Wyoming?

[Canadian Caller]

No, no, they'll be on its own. It can be. They're on their own.

[Joe]

Okay.

[South African Woman]

Okay.

[Joe]

We're just throwing it out.

[Pat]

So what. How many states you want to get it down to?

[Canadian Caller]

Let's say like, 40, 35.

[Gene]

Okay, 40, 35. Trying to get rid of 10, 15.

[Pat]

So give us more. Five more states you think should go then?

[Gene]

Yeah, let's work it.

[Canadian Caller]

You can, like. I don't think we could, like, absorb a couple of states. Like, there's no need for two Carolinas. Two Dakota, West Virginia, or whatever. You can absorb those.

[Joe]

I mean, I'm super down for north and South Dakota to be one thing.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gene]

That way you can avoid the whole thing.

[South African Woman]

Oh,

[Gene]

no, we. With the Dakota thing, where the. Do you want Wyoming to go, though?

[Canadian Caller]

Who lives there?

[Gene]

Okay.

[Pat]

Kanye. Kanye was there for a bit.

[Joe]

There's 1800 people that you just pissed off.

[Canadian Caller]

I mean, I'm from Canada. We only, like, teen.

[Gene]

You're from Canada?

[Canadian Caller]

Yeah.

[Gene]

You want to get rid of states?

[Canadian Caller]

Yeah, there's no need.

[Walmart Worker]

We're.

[Canadian Caller]

We have a bigger country.

[Gene]

Oh, you're trying to. Trust me. You don't want to. Come on now. We're big bro for a reason.

[Canadian Caller]

No, you're not.

[Pat]

We're big bro.

[Gene]

No, no, no. You guys need to cook bacon all the way through. We're big bro.

[South African Woman]

What?

[Pat]

All right. You have a good one.

[Canadian Caller]

Yeah.

[Zambian Caller]

Yo, yo, what's up?

[Gene]

Okay, that's not Pat. This is Pat.

[Zambian Caller]

Oh. Oh, Pat. That's Mike. Mike. Mike. Yeah.

[Pat]

All right.

[Gene]

Where's he from, though?

[Pat]

Where are you from?

[Zambian Caller]

Zambia.

[Pat]

Zambia. Okay. Shout out to my. My zombie. Finish this. This prompt or just say the prompt. As a grown man, you shouldn't.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah, so actually, I was going for. As a grown man. Can you hear me?

[Walmart Worker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, that was like, a dramatic. Yeah, go ahead.

[Zambian Caller]

So, like, I think. I think. I think as a grown. As a grown man, you're not supposed to know unnecessary things about your boys. You feel me?

[Pat]

Like, unnecessary things like what?

[Zambian Caller]

Like. Like knowing your boy's birthday. Favorite colors and

[Pat]

birthdays.

[Joe]

Birthday's okay. Favorite color is hilarious.

[Gene]

No, he's right. No, he's cooking birthday, isn't it?

[Joe]

Do you know his favorite color?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Zambian Caller]

What is it?

[Gene]

Pink.

[Pat]

Do you know my favorite color?

[Gene]

I think it gotta be Brown. I feel like.

[Pat]

Nah, it's been. It's purple, but I would say brown now. I feel like my favorite color changes with, like my clothing.

[Gene]

Yeah, I feel like I knew the purple thing because you were that all purpl.

[Joe]

So this is exactly what you're talking about, right? Like this conversation you think is exactly

[Arab Woman]

what.

[Zambian Caller]

What do you mean? You know your friend's favorite color.

[Gene]

No, that's right. No, you're right, because it's like, why the are you telling me that we celebrating your birthday? I should just go out on a random night out and be like, yo, bro, why are you drinking something?

[Pat]

You can know your friend's birthday. What else? What else, though?

[Zambian Caller]

To me, to me, to me. I think might as well. You. You might as well just each other

[Pat]

for birthday to know your birthday. Holy.

[Joe]

He's like, yo, if you're gonna text me at 12:01, Happy Birthday. Wait, we're in a relationship, but I

[Gene]

hate people that don't stand on business. So you don't know any other guy's birthday? You don't know anybody's birthday?

[Zambian Caller]

No, even. Even my. Even, like my close friends, they just tell me like, wow, yo, today is my birthday.

[Pat]

I be like, he closes the ears. Don't tell me that.

[Gene]

I don't want to know that. He, like, I don't want to talk about it. We gonna have to. If I find out.

[Joe]

So if someone tells you it's your birthday, like, is it okay to be like, oh, it's your birthday, Happy birthday, Or you can't say happy birthday to your boys?

[Zambian Caller]

No, no, I feel like it's cringe, like, okay, for. Okay. Like a girl can. Like you're saying if. If it's my birthday.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah. If it's. If it's. Well, no, if it's one of your friends birthdays and you go out and then they're like, oh, it's my birthday. And you're like, oh, happy birthday. Like, is that cool that you could wish your boy happy birthday?

[Zambian Caller]

No.

[Pat]

Well, give me one more. Give me one more example. But birthdays,

[Zambian Caller]

like, you know, like, okay, we can.

[Canadian Caller]

We.

[Zambian Caller]

Okay, it can be your birthday and we can go out and have some drinks and. But not like telling me that this is the birthday. Like, this is the birthday going on.

[Gene]

So, so you can't, you can't. You can't know the birthday, but you can go out and get intoxicated with another man on purpose.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah, some type.

[Pat]

Okay, you're not the birthday bro. But give me, give me another example, though. Of things that.

[Zambian Caller]

Unnecessary things, like even knowing your friends type like, like, type of a girl.

[Joe]

Like, oh, that's your type. That's the kind of girl that's valid.

[Pat]

No, I should not know about your typ.

[Gene]

Not know your type, bro.

[Pat]

If you know my type, then when you see my type out, you can be like, hey, I. There's this girl that would be knowing the type that would be knowing. That's right.

[Gene]

No, no, you right, bro.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah. Yo, yo, yo, can I, can I say something right?

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Zambian Caller]

I, I didn't expect you guys like to call me so, like, I'm, I'm a bit nervous right now and I've been a big fan of your podcast for a while now, and I appreciate it. And you know, and you know, hey,

[Pat]

it's like, as a man, you shouldn't be telling people that you're nervous. As a man, you tell me you're nervous.

[Joe]

You shouldn't know your boy's podcast that they like.

[Pat]

Yeah, come on.

[Zambian Caller]

I just gotta be real. Listen, I just have to be real on this one. It's like, okay, from where I'm from, it's like, I feel like I'm the only one that, that like your part. You feel me? Like, most of my friends don't like hopping parts. And she's like, I've never seen any of my friends, like, talking about. No, this is podcast. But you guys are like, it look

[Gene]

like you don't see your friends talk

[Pat]

about

[Gene]

how the would you know about podcast. You don't even know they.

[Pat]

You can't even ask their questions.

[Zambian Caller]

Now, now, now, part you part you on the, bro. Like, I know you, man.

[Gene]

What, what you know about me?

[Zambian Caller]

Now? You talk some, bro. It's like, I, I, I know you. And actually I with you because you got the. I don't know, like, your jokes, they just get me, like, I understand them very well.

[Gene]

Getting another man is crazy. No, no, you got it. No, no, I appreciate you, bro. You should, There's a. You should audition for a Lion King, though.

[Pat]

Oh, my gosh.

[Zambian Caller]

I don't think. I don't. I don't even know how to do that.

[Gene]

I got you, bro. DM me.

[Zambian Caller]

I, I, I chop. Is Gene there? Yeah, yeah, here, Shout out, Gene, bro. Are you good?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

He said shout out to you say shout out, Gene from Zambia.

[Gene]

He said you.

[Zambian Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Pat]

You don't with people from Zambia, bro.

[Gene]

He said, oh, all right, bro.

[Pat]

Yeah, all right, bro. You have a good one.

[Gene]

No, I with you, bro. Hey, put them boys on. I know y' all don't talk much, but put them.

[Pat]

Can you give your friends suggestions as a man?

[Zambian Caller]

Yep. Huh?

[Pat]

Can you give your friends suggestions as a man?

[Zambian Caller]

No, bro.

[Pat]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Zambian Caller]

All right?

[Joe]

You just give me a suggestion. Is that a

[Pat]

no?

[Gene]

What's next? You want my ass?

[Mike]

Huh?

[Pat]

Oh, man. Joe, appreciate you coming on the pod, bro.

[Joe]

Yeah, no problem, man. That was mad.

[Gene]

I will say anything you want to shout. I will say anything you want to shout out. But obviously he's more famous, so you probably saw this before you saw the podcast.

[Pat]

Anyway, it's been Crash Dummy's podcast episode. Who knows? Peace.