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Mike
Oh, what was he talking about the other day? So what happened? So what?
Pat
Huh?
Carrie
So getting juiced up as a Carrie's talking about.
Mike
Oh, yeah, yeah. Getting juiced up. But what? So, okay, so if I, if I type something in on chat GPT, who does it affect?
Carrie
The environment.
Mike
The environment for who, though? I mean, I think it's like Memphis, right? Memphis, like one of the main.
Carrie
It's not Memphis.
Mike
I don't know, bro. Why is that? In my head, that's why I hate the Internet. Because I, I, I chat gbt something about like Tyga and Kylie Jenner the other day, and all I had was Memphis on my mind. Like, man, I'm up their water right now, but I gotta know,
Carrie
I gotta
Mike
know the data history.
Carrie
I think it's the data centers, wherever they put the data centers at.
Mike
Got it, got it, got it. So we shouldn't sending a donation to like a.
Carrie
That's what you got. You gotta offset it.
Gene
Memphis.
Carrie
Every, like every random chat GPT thing you put into your phone, you gotta donate some water.
Mike
Got it. I just hit up one of my Memphis, like, I'm sorry, bro. I need to know if Jordan really had the flu, man.
Carrie
He was over. Now usually you. I have a rule though. You can't use ChatGPT for things you can Google.
Mike
You can't tell people what they do.
Noni
Uses AI.
Carrie
Yeah, Google uses AI as well. But I'm just saying to that nigga Carrie, like, just use Google. You trying to be different?
Mike
What you mean?
Carrie
Nah, you trying to be too different, bro.
Mike
No, but you use it for business, right?
Carrie
Sometimes, yeah.
Mike
I don't. You know what I'm saying? I use the Internet for business. I save my chatgpt for random shit like who the fuck was Kerry Washington? And that dude really fucking on stand up. That's too much chemistry for me. I'm not fucking with it.
Carrie
Did Kerry Washington make that face in every movie?
Mike
No, that's crazy. No, when they put up the side by side with Kerry Washington and Lil Baby at the same time and they look just alike.
Noni
Y not gonna keep coming.
Carrie
No, no. I love Gary Washington.
Mike
Twinsies. No, she used to be my crush until she started dating Namdi Ashwa.
Noni
And why?
Mike
I mean, she got a man.
Noni
Oh, okay.
Mike
You know what I'm saying? It's just like Megan good when I found out she smoked cigarettes. Dunzo.
Carrie
That's not what we doing.
Mike
Hello.
Carrie
The radio is for people who are driving.
Pat
I'll drive.
Carrie
Welcome to Crash Dummies podcast. Anyway, welcome to Crash Dummies podcast. Episode, I think 264. I'm Mike. We got Pat here, we got Gene here, we got Carrie here with an e at the end.
Noni
Yes, I E. Noni, Noni, Noni.
Mike
Juice.
Noni
I need to put some oil on this.
Carrie
Look at it on the mic.
Mike
Yeah, yeah. This guy real crazy. Your husband listening on audio right now? He got to the YouTube like, oh, okay. Thought these had me up crazy. No, sorry, audio listeners for that. But also, damn, I ain't talked to the audio listeners in a minute.
Carrie
What do you mean?
Mike
I just feel like I haven't gave them a special message.
Carrie
What you gotta say to them then?
Mike
Okay, here we go.
Carrie
This is so immature, bro.
Mike
Take that.
Carrie
Anyway, make sure you guys, the merch is live on the website. Patreon, Patreon, Patreon, Patreon. I dropped my own personal vlog on there. We're gonna start dropping some BTs. I'm also. I have probably. That vlog is probably on my YouTube channel. I'm going to link it somewhere here that you can go watch. Yeah, I've been vlogging now.
Mike
I've been trying to go follow this YouTube.
Carrie
Try to get out my comfort zone.
Noni
Okay, Tell the people what's going to be in your vlog.
Carrie
Kind of like my day to day life. Boring. Let no, I told car she been cooking a little too much.
Mike
No, she been cooking.
Carrie
Don't worry, I got some. I got something for you. My though is going to be twice as worse and it's going to happen like eight months later.
Mike
I've been talking to your old friend group too, so I been digging up some tea. Yeah, they always say you dehydrated at every event. They say you got a headache all the time soon as the fun start. G talking about y' all don't think the music a little too loud. Get your ass away from me. We gonna dance the whole night. Like y' all don't think we could go sit down.
Noni
One day y' all gonna understand my truth, I swear.
Mike
Nah, nah, that's crazy. We gonna get them though. We gonna do like we thinking about doing a show in Milwaukee. We were just talking about it. We still having problems doing a show on Milwaukee because we don't know like how big we want the venue to be. And when we have that show in Milwaukee, I want you to invite all your ex friends.
Gene
No.
Carrie
Yeah. No, no, no.
Mike
This is what we gonna do. We're gonna be like, oh, shit, this just crashed on his podcast. And it'll be like, oh, y' all just won. Y' all come up on stage, and we gonna beat the fuck out of them.
Noni
Y' all gonna jump them?
Mike
No, no, no, not us. We're going to hire some people to jump because they women, though.
Carrie
Yeah.
Mike
So if you see somebody with a wig on that look like me, that's my sister. I'm about to give my sister to beat your ass. You just come out with a wig on. Where are you at? My brother said,
Pat
Wait.
Mike
How you know all this information? Y got the same tats. Yeah, that's my. That's my twin. We locked in. Nobody playing with you. Oh, man.
Carrie
Did you see I'm trying to get hooked up to the Rodecaster right now? But Paul Pierce, can we just sniff
Mike
the big line of coke audio listeners?
Carrie
That's what we were talking before. We get to that, too. How easy it would be if we actually did coke.
Mike
Okay, so a lot of people don't know. Like, we do our podcast in the high rise. Like, we got to go past a lot of people. Like, you might. We might catch the elevator up with some people. We got a concierge. So it's like walking past our concierge and then coming right back to him three minutes later, kind of raised some suspicion. He like, damn, I just said bye to you, and you already back. And you now he's probably, like, sniffing. It's just like, if we did coke, we wouldn't have to leave the studio. Just think about it. It'd probably be a different podcast.
Noni
That's how the Diddy party started.
Mike
You think so? With coke? I don't think so. I don't think Diddy was high, bro. I think he was pretty sober in those things.
Carrie
No, he definitely was a little high. He used to do the little. The little pills. Oh, he did?
Paul Pierce
Yeah.
Gene
Yeah.
Mike
Well, he take another pill.
Carrie
Viagra plus.
Mike
He needs that. He need the vacuum pump. Need everything. That nigga needs to make a dick. Protein shake. Everything in this ashwagandha.
Carrie
Everything you need one of them clowns that be making those balloons.
Mike
Put everything in that cup. Anything that's a need. Honey packs, rhino pills, Ashwagandha.
Carrie
Oh, man.
Paul Pierce
All right, These, man.
Carrie
All right, we got. We got Paul.
Noni
Damn.
Mike
God damn.
Carrie
My bad, My bad. We got Paul Pierce complaining about streamers right now.
Paul Pierce
So you know what? You know what?
Carrie
I'm mad, though.
Paul Pierce
I'm calling out all you goddamn streamers. I'm calling out all you other who ain't got no talent getting money. This is what y' all doing because y' all really nerds in real life. And y' all going out here spending money on these chicks because y' all couldn't get them in real life because y' all weak. And y' all only popular because, oh, y' all getting money off of this and that. And y'.
Caller
All.
Paul Pierce
Y' all ain't got no game. So y' all going out here and putting the price of a girl up to a certain level to where now all you got all these girls out here thinking, like, they can get. Get dollars like that. That's why she said that shit like that when you got cats out here, hey, yeah, yeah. Give you 100,000 to a million. This shit is weak.
Carrie
Oh, my.
Paul Pierce
Getting your money. But, like, y' all driving the price up too much to where y' all got these girls out here all in their head thinking they could just like,
Mike
okay, this ain't this nigga married.
Paul Pierce
I don't know.
Carrie
But this all stemmed from the only fan girl, Sophie Rain, on a Vlad interview, saying that an NBA player offered her $15 million, just. Which is a. It's a lie. She's known for lying about a lot of things like her age and all that stuff. So Paul Pierce is reacting to that. And him saying that the streamers are driving the price up is kind of crazy because I think NBA players have been driving the price up for years for tricking. Yes. The streamers, don't I.
Mike
No, I. I feel them. What he's talking about with the streamers, because I. You say the NBA players been doing that for years. Most of those NBA players was married or in a relationship, so they doing that under the table, and nobody's hearing about it. The streamers are doing it, like, publicly.
Carrie
Yeah.
Mike
And they like, okay, I got five girls here, and I paid them a thousand dollars each. Now he's saying that. I'm not agreeing with him, but he's saying, like, a woman watching that now. Now is like, not going to Paul Pierce poker parties no more.
Carrie
But I don't. I don't think streamers even pay. I think the women that be in their streams are. They treat that as, like, a funnel. I think they're going on their streams to promote themselves. Yeah, this is cloud spending. They're spending money, but not as much as NBA players are spending. Not as much rappers.
Mike
But it's publicized, though. It's publicized on the streamer just, like.
Carrie
Because Paul Pierce was in a. On a stream live, this nigga was streaming him with strippers and. But strippers, though, which lost him his job. That he makes money, but he paid Them, though. Yeah, but still. That's exactly what I'm saying.
Mike
But he's saying the price going up. I don't think he complaining about the actual payment. He's saying, like, the price is going up for the women to do the bare.
Pat
Bro.
Carrie
Drake just brought. Brought a girl. $200 Maybach.
Mike
That's Drake. He different.
Noni
He's outlier that some of these dudes out here. Just lame now. And they're using their money in order to get these women to do whatever.
Carrie
They're using their clout, though.
Noni
Clout.
Carrie
Because a lot of these girls. Some of these girls. Those girls would be on this stream are only fangirls and they make a decent amount of money. And their thing is a funnel. They want to go on the stream, which gets me more money. You don't have to pay me. I'm already gonna get paid.
Mike
Sometimes I get paid, but I'm sorry.
Carrie
I know. Sometimes I don't think it's like a thousand dollars. Come on now.
Mike
Also, I don't. But I don't like the. What Paul Pierce say about, like, dudes being lame. Like, what the is lame and like, what is using your money? Because if. If somebody in NBA, right? Basketball is known as probably, like the coolest sport you could play, right? Because they don't have to play with any equipment on. They see you don't have to do anything like rough until like football. You got to go tackle a nigga. You might get truck. Like, it's hard to be like, finesse. Basketball is one of those things that's deemed as.
Carrie
You wear a helmet.
Mike
Yeah, but I. Some of the NBA players I've met, like, no offense, are some of the lamest niggers I've ever met in my life. And it's just because they play basketball that is deemed as cool and is like, not as cool that he get the. He get to take the girl to the game and he get to do this and that. But when a streamer that looks nerdy and we can tell by some of his mannerisms, he's nerdy. He's lame now because he acts a different way. Because Neon's paying. What's the difference between Neon and a rookie NBA player that's paying for girls to be around them? Yeah, they're the same person, bro. Neither one of them could get that girl without the money. And that's the case for a lot of these people. But that's okay, though.
Noni
I think everybody needs to just go back to not even everybody. I think the guys should just Go back to Mac and a girl. Like, use that mouthpiece. I don't think y'.
Caller
All.
Noni
I don't think y' all know how to do that no more.
Carrie
No, I'm retired.
Mike
Yeah. Yeah, I'm retired. I can't. I can't speak. But I will say, back in my
Paul Pierce
day,
Carrie
but a couple years ago.
Mike
Come on now, come on now. Come on now. I, I, you know, I. Man, I could do a lot with nothing. You know, I was doing it when I had no car, no crib. Baby, let's take the bus together. Let me show you my world. Yeah, let's. I'm the dude that listening to most death and sharing a headphone with the girl on the bus. Talk about, baby, we gonna make it out of. Just gotta make it. Not shy.
Carrie
But no, I think that is true too. I feel like everybody has their own level also of tricking, in a sense. Yeah, I think everybody, guys, in a sense, kind of always trick. I just think tricking has a negative connotation to it.
Mike
Yeah.
Carrie
Because it's like, it's just like courting a girl. So if I. I'm courting a girl and we go out to dinner, right? And I pay for the dinner, and then maybe I. I go to Toronto, I get her a gift that said, oh, I think you would like this perfume that I saw in this other different country or something like that. And I gave her that. Is that still tricking?
Noni
I think it. It depends on the presentation. Like, that sounds like a thoughtful gift. Like, oh, I think you would like the way that this smells. I would want to smell this on you. If you just like a shorty, send me some feet pics or something and I'mma buy you X, Y and Z, then that's a little different.
Mike
So you saying the conversations in between matters if it's tricking or not. But that's. I feel like that's unfair then, because it's like some people, if you dating somebody or talking to a girl, where it's like, oh, we on the same page, then that. That woman is already doing those things. Like, if a woman comes over and she cooks and cleans for you, and then you like, hey, thanks for cooking and cleaning. She like, oh, I'm about to go shopping, and the dude gives her $500 to go shopping, that's still tricking.
Noni
What's his intentions with her, though?
Mike
It don't matter. She don't know yet.
Noni
I don't think it's tricking.
Mike
It's only trick. You saying it's Tricking. So if it's tricking a dude have to talk to multiple women? Is that where it's coming? Like, where's the tricking come from, multiple women?
Noni
If you know that she don't want you for nothing other than just your money, that's another one.
Mike
But you can say that for. You can say that for any relationship. Would your partner be with you if you weren't providing the said thing that they met you with? Like, if.
Noni
I guess you gotta go broke, find out.
Mike
Yes. What if I go broke and I got no more ass to spend on you Pick me up on the corner. Come on, now. But you know what I'm saying? But also, like, to. To that extent. Like, what if somebody came up and challenged, like, one of us? Like, stop what y' all doing and then see what y our partner do? Nigga, I'd be looking at my partner crazy if she didn't want to leave me. If I Dr. You know what I'm saying? If I did. Like, come on now, you gotta go and get it.
Carrie
Yeah, it's hard to always prove because, like, say one, the podcast falls, like, off the face of the earth and knock on wood and pass that something to get us canceled. And then I try to do the podcast with Vince staple, and this fails miserably and he will wake on you. No, we want to get Vince on the pod. But what was I even trying to get at with that? But would our girls still, like, be with us? I think yes, if you show an ambition of trying to bounce back.
Mike
Yeah.
Noni
Yeah.
Carrie
So that's like, the difference. Like, if you. If you lost everything. If you lost everything today, what will you do? You're going to just sulk and like, oh, shit. Being bum or hobo sexual.
Mike
But they got. Homosexual is crazy.
Gene
But.
Mike
But they got. But they got to know that it's a. It's a difference. It depends, you know, I'm saying it's just like, how did you get to where you got, like. Especially if your partner can see that lineage is like, okay, I'm not gonna leave you after your podcast fall off because I believe, like, the way you had the podcast, it was based off your personality, and your personality is gonna take you further. But if you got a bunch of features at the beginning of your music career, and then your girl said, you ain't had a hit in two years, like, yeah, she might leave. You know what I'm saying?
Noni
See, that's why I stand firmly on the fact that we should not be going after people just off of what they have, it should be based off of their character. Because depending on your character, you will be able to bounce back and have that ambition to build yourself back up again if you were to lose it all.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shake something. The girl talking about my character is so good. Yeah, yeah, Let me, let me see that character
Pat
development.
Mike
No, but that's. But my, my thing was like looking at how someone is going to elevate in life and being able to see like their end goal and being excited for the end goal. And also seeing that's like with my girl is like seeing her end goal, like what she wants to do at the end of her life and like what's like the, the peak and then seeing like, oh, damn, she working pretty hard for this and she's pretty talented on her way to that. But being around somebody who got like this big ass goal and then you see them like not go towards it every day, it just be like, nah, come on now, turn around and let me.
Noni
Let's trick on it.
Mike
No, but I don't believe, like, tricking is so weird because I feel like the ultimate tricking is being a boyfriend or a fiance or a husband. That's the ultimate tricking because you have one woman who's. Who's expect stuff out of you. Like, when the last time you paid for a meal.
Noni
We paid together.
Mike
When who we.
Noni
We pay together.
Mike
Y' all got a joint bank account?
Noni
Technically, yeah, we do.
Mike
No, that's. But I'm just saying it's just like that's the ultimate. Because the, the daily money. Because like, let's say if I was single and I was tricking, right? I'm only talking to like three girls in a month, right? Let's say I gave them all a thousand dollars that month. That's $3,000. They happy as hell, that rent, blah, blah. If I got a girlfriend, I'm giving her 300 every day somehow. You know what I'm saying? You like giving out money different though.
Carrie
That.
Mike
No, that's tricking. That's the ultimate form of tricking is being. It's a humiliation ritual.
Pat
No,
Carrie
I definitely saved.
Mike
Humiliated.
Carrie
I feel like I definitely.
Mike
I love my girl.
Carrie
I've definitely saved money. Being in a relationship, I feel like you save more money.
Noni
Yeah, because she cooks, right?
Carrie
Yeah, well, not even that. I'm just saying anybody.
Mike
Oh my God. The thing is misogynistic.
Carrie
I'm just saying in general, for you, for you, for single guys, they're going on dates a lot. And you know, sometimes the guy is like, always deemed to pay for a meal or whatever, especially in the. In the courting stage. So it's like, a lot of money going out. That's more.
Mike
I reflected on the balance between the two, honestly, like. But then in my single life, I've been like, you know, went through the month, looked at my finances, like, all right, you know, like, I. I was out chilling, kicking it. You know, this is gone, whatever. And then, like, you start. You know, I started kicking it with a shorty, and I was like, all right, like, this month's a little different. Yeah, but it's the same, you know, and you kind of, like, kind of.
Carrie
No, it's definitely cheaper, bro.
Mike
No, no. But because you're not.
Carrie
Because you're not doing, like, the. I feel like gifts with your girl is a lot simpler. You can get her flowers.
Mike
You said when you live with her, you can't count that. We talking about, like, you. Y' all just started dating.
Carrie
Why did you keep giving all these things?
Mike
We talking on the real people. You talking about people together in general.
Carrie
You can get flowers, right? You can do gestures. You can do acts of kindness, and those are still gifts, and you don't have to spend any money on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mike
It's just too much energy.
Noni
I feel like, single or be in a relationship and get somebody that's loyal to you, who don't mind doing 50, 50, 80, 20, 40, 60, or whatever and call it a day.
Mike
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Carrie
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Mike
So recently I picked up one of the linen shirts, and it's been my go to for a while. Is soft, breathable, and has made getting dressed in the summer pretty easy. And it didn't cost what I think a shirt like that would. Overall is really a great fit. You can elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com crash for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com crash for free shipping and 365 day returns. Points.com crash don't forget get there Your
Carrie
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Mike
So recently I just went on Apple TV and I saw the Michael Jackson movie and I clicked it right away and was able to watch it. Think about how wild it is that we work, then wait, then get paid. That's the deal we just accepted. But you can literally go to anything else instantly. Just like I did with the Michael Jackson movie. Five million people have already made the switch. At this point, the old way is starting to look like the weird option
Carrie
Download earning on the App Store or Google Play Store spelled like earning money without the G type in Crash Dummies under Podcast when you sign up, it'll really help the show. Mandatory disclaimers 1. Earnings a financial technology company, not a bank. 2. Access limits are based on your earnings and risk factors. Standard cash outs take one to two business days with no mandatory fees. 3. Expedite transfers available for a fee. Tips are voluntary and don't affect the service and four available in select states. Terms and restrictions apply. Visit earning.com for full details. Is a percentage thing like it's too much.
Mike
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Carrie
Quint's European linen pants and shirts are the best. Perfect warm weather upgrade to add to your rotation. Starting at just $34. Lightweight, breathable and comfortable. But you still look put together. Everything is priced 50 to 80% less than what you'll find in similar brands. Quince works directly with ethical factories, cuts out the middleman. So you're getting a premium materials without the markup. And Quince goes way beyond just clothing. From custom upholstered sofas, ceramic cookware to premium bedding. It's the kind of brand you end up recommending to everyone for everything.
Mike
So recently I picked up one of their linen shirts and it's been my go to for a while. It's soft, breathable and has made getting dressed in the pretty easy. And it didn't cost what I think a shirt like that would. Overall is really a great fit. You can elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com crash for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U-I-N C E.com/crash for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com crash don't forget, get there.
Carrie
Mine's a percentage thing.
Mike
What do you mean by that?
Carrie
Like my income, my girl's income. And then we based it on percentage. So we're basically taking the same kind of hit. You know what?
Mike
In a sense, mine is save as much money as you can. Because when I need that bank account, I'm taking it. You don't need to spend nothing. Don't spend nothing. Go out to eat, vacation. You good, you good. All that money better be saved and it better be 10 racks there when I need it because the mob after us. I baby. My bad, baby. I bet on the Spurs. It was up 29. Who knew? This nigga.
Carrie
That's the thing about having a girl too.
Paul Pierce
They're.
Carrie
They're real big savers.
Mike
Yes.
Carrie
They, they. You guys are really big savers for a rainy day.
Mike
Yes.
Carrie
Because I live my life like dayto day. And then, you know, that's why I have a joint account too. But I also have my own account that, you know, Battle. I have my own account too.
Mike
I will, I will say. I will say. So this is, this is where I was thinking, I was saying, like being in a relationship, especially in a dating phase, it's like that. It's like that, that gray area before y' all start living together and start looking at each other. Like, hey, let's save for this together. But there's that one area where y' all like boyfriend and girlfriend and y' all going out on dates every day. But like when you're, when you're single, you can bow out every time. You know what I'm saying? You could be like, man, yeah, I came, man, my uncle died and just disappeared for three weeks. Invest elsewhere.
Carrie
We got Haha Davis on Shannon Sharper's podcast, revealing some. Some things about himself. I don't know if it is true
Paul Pierce
or not because they're the grew up in it.
Carrie
When anytime a interviewer says I don't know this is true or not, they already know it's true. So. And when there was traditional.
Paul Pierce
Yeah, her and him, right.
Carrie
Somewhere along the line they were allowed
Mike
to have another a her.
Carrie
A her and a him.
Paul Pierce
Yeah. When did that happen? Ha ha. Were you saying you sound like a throuple? Yeah, yeah. I'm asking.
Mike
I mean, how?
Paul Pierce
I mean. Cause I just try to figure it out. How you even broach that subject. Yeah, yeah, you like, hey, girl, you didn't care. You know I love you, but I was just thinking. Yeah, what you thinking?
Mike
What you thinking, Carlos? You know I was thinking, you know,
Pat
shit, man, you know I love.
Carrie
Hey, you know, it's always gonna be me and you. Listen, no matter what happens, it gonna be us.
Paul Pierce
Yeah, but I ain't gonna lie. Me and my girl have indulged in that though.
Carrie
Y' all haven't.
Paul Pierce
We have. Like just try to keep me happy. Like we've done those swinging. They call it swinging. Yeah, we did a little swinging.
Carrie
She. She agreed to it.
Paul Pierce
Yeah, he did a little swinging. But oh lord dang is you don't want nobody else doing that to you later. That's what I'm saying though.
Mike
So what did she say with.
Carrie
Hey, hey, hey, Carlos, what do you think about like people going on Shannon Sharon's podcast and revealing like information like that?
Mike
If we, if we listen to the rest of the clip. Can we listen to the rest of the clip?
Carrie
Yeah, I got you. Because I didn't know if it was like too long winded.
Mike
Nah, that's cool. Okay, they chilling.
Paul Pierce
Get the hell off of me. I just seen that man put you. I'm talking about, look, he done turned you away, but loose. I didn't leopard with him.
Mike
You hear me?
Paul Pierce
Cool. Cause it was like, like when you like you want to have fun, you want to have fun in your life. That was, you know what I mean?
Carrie
That was a one time thing though.
Paul Pierce
Right.
Carrie
Oh, of course.
Paul Pierce
I would never allow that to happen again.
Mike
I, like, I honestly believe, like, no. No offense to, like, haha. And like, obviously his great accomplishments landed him a type of interview on, like, Shannon Sharpe, but I believe that's a joke. I don't. I don't believe that's true. And I'd be like. Because that's crazy.
Carrie
But at what cost, though, to propel
Mike
him maybe into whatever he got coming next? Because I remember he was just recently going through a hard time on the Internet.
Carrie
Yeah.
Mike
He posted that skit with the flamethrower, and people was not feeling that, like,
Carrie
I mean, wrap it up or some, like.
Mike
Yeah, it was, like, going viral for him to wrap it up. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it was going more violent skit. So I think that's a bit. And that's a joke because I just don't believe you embarrass your wife like that.
Caller
That.
Mike
That's crazy.
Carrie
What do you mean?
Noni
I mean, I don't think it. He looks at it as embarrassing.
Carrie
Yeah, he don't.
Mike
He said that about his wife. Yes, his wife.
Carrie
His girl.
Pat
Okay.
Mike
This girl that he been with.
Carrie
Yeah.
Noni
Regardless, it don't sound like nothing new in the industry.
Carrie
No, it don't. It don't sound like there's a lot of swingers swing.
Noni
I mean, I don't know. Allegedly Will and Jada, you know, Like, I don't think it's looked at in a bad light anymore how it used to be. So maybe from his perspective, he's like,
Mike
yeah, but the Will and Jada thing is not. That's not a good comparison, though.
Noni
Why?
Mike
Because they're swinging as far as, like, hey, we're a couple, but we're both, like, on opposite sides of the world or the nation doing this and that. As long as you tell me about who you're hooking up with or who you're getting a relationship, that's fine. He's saying his girlfriend is having sex right next to him. That's crazy. And he's watching, and then he's telling that to the masses. It's just like, that's not a good joke to me. I get like, swinging either. That's like.
Carrie
That's not orgy. Yeah, no, that. That is the definition of swinging. Yeah, it's like the same room.
Mike
Yeah, definitely. Definitely a type of swinging. Yeah, but that is usually, like, going on at the same time. Like, you start with your partner, and then you mix and match. Like, halfway through that.
Carrie
So you heard, huh? So you've heard.
Mike
No, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute. Nah.
Carrie
No, but everybody has their own thing. And I'm not shaming the swinging part. It's just the, the being so open about it where it's just like, I don't know, I just feel like everybody's sex life, if you're not really trying to educate people about it and like how you, you know, then it's like, why are you really talking about it?
Mike
I just feel like, you know, because
Carrie
it just seems like you're trying to get a clip from it.
Mike
Exactly. He expressed that he learned from it,
Carrie
you know, that I guess that is a learning thing.
Mike
It's not like he was like, oh, who's next?
Noni
And he's a comedian, so he might have just been. It could have been truthful. But he's also trying to get a joke up out of it anyway because I could hear him doing that. Like, like if he does stand up.
Carrie
Yeah, yeah.
Mike
Everybody knows, like, it's hard. Like, obviously she hasn't been on camera, but I guarantee the next time he takes a picture with her.
Carrie
No, she's been on camera.
Mike
No, I'm just saying since the interview.
Carrie
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Mike
She hasn't been on camera or had a picture since the interview. But the next time she posts something or the next time they see her on his page, it's going to be something. And as when people look as a man, they don't really think about that. They just like, ah, you let your girl, blah, blah, blah. But like when they. A woman gets it way harder and people gonna be in her comments. I don't think he thought her psyche.
Noni
Do you think she cares?
Mike
She might not care right now.
Pat
No.
Carrie
I think that's why I said I didn't know why that that thing was to be propelled. Because you see how people kind of are. Are on Adam 22 and his wife right now. And like the, the whole Adam 22 is a cuck type of thing. So I think that even though swinging is not technically being a cuck, but it almost is like cuck adjacent in a sense. When you're kind of walking, watching your girl get have sex with somebody, that's your kink. That's your kink. Yeah, but everybody has their own kink. So with that it's like, I don't know how that would have propelled his career or that joke would have propelled his career.
Mike
I. I kind of get where you coming from. And then I also get where Carrie is coming from. It is like if he's going into stand up then. Yeah. Okay. If you are, he better have something already. Like you say some like that. It got to be some by this weekend. My like, you can't say some like that. Let it drop and then don't have nothing after it. So you just went on a Shannon Sharp interview and didn't drop nothing. So it got to be something coming.
Carrie
So my next question is that. Do you think Shannon already knew that, that he was going to say that when he presented the question? Because he's like, I don't know how they do it. You know, like when it says like, I don't know, whatever and people present something like that.
Noni
He definitely could have been lobbing it up for sure.
Carrie
He definitely. Cuz Shannon does do a lot of the lobbying and his reactions are kind of funny too. He was like, oh really?
Mike
He was definitely. He was definitely lobbing it up and he actually, because I've done that plenty of times. There's been plenty of times where I'm trying to lob you up something and I don't want to be too specific to what you're saying. So it doesn't sound fake, but the adjacent thing I'm saying doesn't really make sense. And a way you turn the story over sounds like a plan. Because he was talking about a throuple.
Carrie
Yes.
Mike
So I think Shannon, like, he knew what he wanted to say, but in his head it didn't go over the way he thought it was. He was like, what do you think about throuples? And he's just like, like. And then I had to change it. Like, oh, I. I ain't tried throwable, but I tried swinging before, which is like way different. So definitely, he definitely knew that because there's no way you just ask a random man about trouble. Yeah. Davis, out of all people, I'm as haha. Davis about thruffles I've never even heard of. Like, come on now. Maybe he.
Carrie
Maybe I missed it. Maybe he's talked about it before.
Mike
Yeah, yeah.
Pat
Hello.
Carrie
Yo, yo, yo.
Pat
What's up, crap dummies? What's up, man?
Carrie
Should chill it. Oh, I got a question for you.
Pat
What's up?
Carrie
What's something that you stopped doing that made you feel better?
Pat
Yeah, I started being a better man and start cheating, bro. Changed my life.
Carrie
How'd it change your life, bro? When did you stop cheating?
Pat
Two weeks ago. Okay.
Carrie
What made you stop two weeks ago?
Pat
My girl stopped making me mad. Said I only cheat when she make me mad.
Mike
What is, what is your definition of making you mad, bro?
Pat
You know Just nagging like that.
Mike
What does she nag about?
Pat
So say like. Like the other day, we was. The other day, I had just told her basically, like, you know, I'm cool, I'm straight. I ain't mad at you. I don't want to argue. And she still called attitude. So I'm like, what the fuck?
Mike
What was the argument about? Why. Why are you bowing out? The argument?
Pat
I went. It wasn't even no argument. It was like she was telling me that she was mad about something, and I was like, you know, all right, I understand. And she thought I was mad once I said that. But, you know, I'm like, I ain't even mad. And she thought I was mad. So it went from there, so.
Mike
Cause you one worded her. Because you only. You ain't getting no explanation. He's like, I understand.
Pat
Yeah, that's what it be. I one worded.
Mike
But you knew that would piss her off, though. You could tell. So you basically nagged her in a way. So you, like, baited her into nagging, and then you cheated on her. So you pump fake. She followed you, and you shot two free throws and you blame it on her. You pump faked her.
Carrie
So the only reason you stopped cheating is because she doesn't get on your nerves anymore. So if she gets on your nerves, are you gonna cheat?
Pat
Hell, no. Because it feels good being. It feel good being a lawyer, man.
Carrie
Okay, I'm done. Has she gotten on your nerves and you haven't cheated? Yeah. Since then? The two weeks?
Gene
Hell yeah.
Pat
She just got on my nerves earlier.
Mike
Okay, you ain't got the. What's the. So what's. So what's the difference between this urge now and the urge then?
Pat
Cause now it's, like, nice. Like, I understand now.
Mike
Like, I understand.
Pat
That ain't cheating. Ain't the way to, you know, go. That ain't. That's some little boy. You know, that ain't right.
Mike
That's how dudes talk when they side girl lead them. Your side girl fed up. She tired of your.
Pat
Then you know, you might be right.
Mike
Kind of.
Pat
You know, she did kind of tell me she done with me.
Carrie
Oh, my God, that's terrible.
Mike
No, you crazy, bro.
Carrie
Oh, you trying to switch to FBI? Just go grab it now. All right. We'll be right back.
Mike
Showing you.
Pat
I'm trying to get my damn service right.
Carrie
My bad.
Mike
We trying to get our service right, too.
Carrie
I was saying be careful.
Mike
No.
Carrie
Does your girl know you're cheating?
Pat
No, I don't. Nah. Hell no. What kind of Question that. I don't get cold.
Mike
We've never been caught before.
Carrie
I feel it. I feel it.
Mike
No, we. So we doing live shows. Everybody know. Sorry. We about to do a quick commercial, but we're gonna use you for the commercial. Is that okay?
Pat
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Mike
Okay, roll. Let's roll into this ad. Ready? Producers, we ready rolling tie. Let's roll. Yo, y' all know we doing live shows, and we got. Got live people on the line right now. My guy just finished a call about something else, and he gonna tell us where. Where he from, and then we gonna give away our first live tickets. Y' all about to see it here in the flesh. Yo, what's good, bro?
Pat
Yo, what's up?
Mike
Yo, what's good? What's good? Where you from?
Pat
I'm from Jacksonville, Florida.
Mike
Yes. So y' all know. Y' all know we actually come into Florida. We got Miami, Orlando, Tampa. We about to give what show you live in? Jacksonville, Florida. What's High rep Your. Real quick.
Pat
South side.
Carrie
South side.
Mike
South side of Jacksonville, Florida. We about to get him free. Two free tickets to the live show.
Carrie
You got. You got a car, though, to get there or you need a ride?
Pat
No, I ain't got no car.
Carrie
No car?
Mike
No car. Okay.
Carrie
No, no vehicle. You ever owned the car?
Pat
No.
Carrie
No. Okay. It. No car.
Mike
About to give him a free. We about to pick him up. So we gonna. That's this. Our next sponsors Uber. We. We gonna Uber black him to the show no matter where he is.
Pat
Sound like y' all trying to set me up,
Carrie
bro.
Mike
Can we finish up?
Carrie
Oh, my gosh, bro.
Mike
We always start over, bro. That was good.
Pat
I was.
Mike
I was killing it.
Carrie
That was good, bro.
Mike
I was killing it.
Pat
All right, all right.
Mike
No, he gonna. He good. He good. We gotta keep him because the next person might up, too.
Carrie
At least he know he sounds short, though.
Mike
I don't think so.
Pat
Nah, six foot.
Carrie
Six foot?
Mike
Hell, no.
Pat
Yeah, six foot?
Mike
Hell no.
Pat
Swear to God.
Mike
Hell no. You play football?
Pat
Nah, basketball and baseball.
Mike
Basketball. How old are you that probably got dreads and.24. Jacksonville, digging to play basketball. Definitely got dreads. Yes, you do, bro.
Pat
No, I ain't got no dread.
Mike
What you got? Let me see.
Pat
You got a little fro.
Carrie
A little fro.
Pat
Okay, all right.
Mike
Okay.
Paul Pierce
You.
Mike
You.
Paul Pierce
Y'.
Caller
All.
Mike
You probably trash in high school, though.
Pat
No, no, but I. I ain't gonna lie to you. I try to take a different route, but that ain't work out.
Mike
No, I used my. I'm about to look up your Size. What high school you go to?
Carrie
Try to get a double charge.
Mike
What high school you go to? I ain't gonna say your name on here. What high school?
Pat
I went to Rain.
Mike
To rain. What's it called?
Pat
Reigns, William and Marines.
Mike
Oh, okay, okay. That's all the info we need. I appreciate you, bro.
Pat
Damn. Damn, y' all. That slick,
Paul Pierce
That slip.
Mike
You going down, brother.
Carrie
All right, bro. You have a good one, bro.
Pat
That's good. With the same, man. I with the part, bro. Y' all keep going up, man.
Carrie
No, I appreciate you, bro. Enjoy while it lasts, too, bro.
Mike
You keep going down.
Carrie
All right, Have a good one.
Pat
Yeah, you too.
Caller
All right.
Pat
Got his ass. Yo, what's up?
Mike
Welcome to Crashing Me's podcast. What's good, broski?
Pat
My bad. Can y' all hear me? I take my earbuds out.
Mike
Yeah, yeah, we heard you. No, you. You a hoe, bro. I just, like, sometimes when we. No, sometimes when we call people and then it's like, you call them us. Freaky Mike and Freaky Pat. Just, like, out of, like, just for no reason. Just straight glazing.
Pat
It'd be like that.
Mike
Anywho, all right. I got a question for you, bro.
Pat
All right. What's up?
Mike
What's the worst date you've ever been on?
Pat
Worst date I ever been on. Let's see. So my. My favorite restaurant used to be the Cheesecake Factory, and I took my ex there, paid for the whole thing. We had an expensive pasta and even had cheesecake everything. Halfway through the day, she's, you know, I'm like, what's. What's. What's going on? You're not paying attention to me. Am I doing something wrong? She's like, no, I'm just chilling the whole time. You can see the reflection of her phone through her fat ass glasses. Look like she got monocles on, but you can literally see the conversation with somebody, and all I see is a shirtless dude immediately shut down. I think that's probably the worst because I. Like, she knew how important the Cheesecake Factory was to me, and we've been wanting to go there for the longest time, and the whole time, she's sitting there talking to somebody else.
Carrie
What. Why is it so important to you?
Pat
Because it was. It's my favorite restaurant. I had never. Like, that was the first time I had actually been there.
Carrie
Oh, you. That was your.
Pat
Besides, with my. Like, I'd gone with. You know, with, like, my dad or whatever.
Mike
So this is like, your first time going as a grown man? You, like, oh, perfect time to take a date there.
Pat
Exactly. I was. I think I was. I was 20, she was 19, and she had.
Mike
It was a life. It was a picture of a shirtless dude. That's what you saw in her glasses.
Pat
That's why. Because she. She has glasses, but she acts like she's blind, so she's got to keep the phone, like, super close to her face, but you can see what's on there. All I see is a. Without a shirt. So I was like, all right.
Mike
But what if you're mistaken, though? What if, like, her. Her friend sent her a picture of a dude without a shirt on?
Pat
You know, I never actually did think about that. I. I'm so context. I'm 27 now. I was 20 then. I was immature. I just. First thing I thought, that's it. That's all. So I immediately thought she was talking to somebody. So I was like, all right, cool.
Carrie
Did you say anything?
Pat
No, I got. I. I kind of. Back then, I was before this.
Carrie
And this is before y' all ordered food?
Pat
No, we were halfway done with the pasta by this time.
Mike
But y' all still got dessert?
Pat
Yes.
Carrie
Also, you knew this information and you down. You share some cheesecake with her?
Pat
Well, I mean, yes, I was gonna get her her own slice, but I was like, look, what kind do you like? Because we can just get, you know, one slice and just share it. Because she was trying.
Carrie
She does. She didn't deserve no cheesecake.
Mike
Now he. A cheesecake cup.
Pat
No, see, she's. Look, 100. She definitely didn't deserve that.
Mike
But, like, no strawberry.
Pat
I wasn't gonna miss, I don't know, cheesecake. What you mean, like, strawberry cheese cup? And what's funny is we actually had a piece of strawberry cheesecake. You find yourself there.
Mike
Mike.
Noni
Mike.
Carrie
Oh, that pat.
Pat
I'm sorry.
Mike
No, it was Mike.
Carrie
Oh, my God.
Mike
What's your love? Like, what's your love like? Like now. Damn, That's a tongue twister, ain't it?
Carrie
What's your love?
Pat
I've been in a relationship for six.
Carrie
Oh, you've been in a relationship for six years?
Pat
Yes. Currently. Currently.
Mike
Oh, how's that going for you?
Pat
I think it's going pretty good. I mean, like, there's days where, like, I. I definitely. I feel like maybe I. I. I don't know. Not that, like, I don't want it, but, like, just. I uprooted my whole life, you know, to come be with her, so.
Mike
Oh, where'd you, like, how far did you move?
Pat
Maybe like, 30, 40 minutes. It's like not super far.
Carrie
Shut the up, bro.
Mike
They could move to the outskirts of town. Acting like he traveled across the nation.
Carrie
He said I uprooted my whole life.
Pat
Look.
Carrie
To move 30 minutes away.
Pat
Look. Cause look. Cause look where I live. You don't understand. Where I used to live, I was around everybody, you know, all black people. Now I live around a bunch of rednecks. So, like, it feels like a completely different, you know.
Mike
What is she?
Pat
You said, what is she?
Mike
A quote unquote redneck?
Pat
No, she is not. She's just a, you know, a chubby country girl.
Carrie
Just call your girl chubby?
Pat
Yes, because that's the nicest way I can put it. She's not skinny.
Carrie
I mean, my gosh, bro. These dogs.
Gene
I don't know how to say. Look.
Pat
I don't know how to be nice about it, man.
Gene
Like.
Mike
Or hey. Or don't say it at all. The.
Pat
You right.
Carrie
Oh, man.
Pat
Just a country girl.
Carrie
Remember when you said you're used to be immature and naive and like that?
Pat
Let me guess. You think I still am.
Carrie
Oh, my God, bro.
Mike
Hey, even add D to that, too.
Carrie
Being older and dumber is the. Is the most dangerous thing.
Mike
This got a Benjamin Button brain.
Pat
I promise you. I'm changed.
Carrie
Oh, man. All right, bro. You have a good one, man.
Pat
All right. You too.
Carrie
All right. Peace.
Pat
Hello?
Gene
Hello?
Mike
Yo, hey, what up? My bad. De' Aaron Fox, bro. If y' all seeing this, man. De' Aaron Fox, you got. We got a bone to pick with you. Go ahead.
Carrie
Welcome to Crash.
Gene
I'm glad to be here.
Mike
You don't sound like you glad to be here. What's wrong?
Gene
Nothing's wrong. I didn't think you guys were gonna call. I thought it was kind of a boring answer.
Carrie
But I got you.
Mike
You kind of pessimistic. God damn. Give it a chance.
Gene
I'm giving it a chance. I'm giving it a chance.
Carrie
All right, I got a question for you. What's the worst date you've ever been on?
Gene
The worst date I've ever been on was with this guy who came into my job. He, like, kind of talked me up and we swapped information and we went to this, like, rooftop restaurant kind of where we live. And when we got there, he, like. Just to start off, I was wearing, like, like a tight black dress and, like, heels because we were going to, like, a nice restaurant.
Carrie
I just fly shit.
Gene
Yeah, whatever. It doesn't matter. He was wearing, like, really tight jeans and a fucking Under Armour, like, athleisure, like, baby tee. It felt like, like it was really, really small. And for reference, he's, like, six three. Like, has to be a minimum 250.
Carrie
Okay. Was this. Was this the outfit that he normally wear? Is this what you met him in when you asked him on a date?
Gene
This is not what I met him in.
Carrie
Okay.
Gene
He is like a. He knew you're gonna. He was a firefighter, so he was wearing, like, firefighter shit.
Carrie
Oh, he raised you up in the. In the fit. Okay.
Mike
You had a little fantasy going on, and you even feel it. That's what happened.
Carrie
Go ahead, though.
Gene
Is it a crime? No. So we went to this dinner or whatever. I was like, okay, I'm gonna let it go. Like, clothes can change. Like, a man will change what he wears if he likes your rubber. So we get through the dinner, like, the conversation's okay, and he gets the check. And, like, the check has to be, like, over $150. I'm not really looking at it because I purposely try not to. I think it's weird to, like, pocket watch or something. Whatever. So he gets a check. He does the thing. We go to go, leave. And when I, like, caught a glimpse of the check on the way out, I was like, like, no way. I saw that.
Caller
Right.
Gene
So I, like, pretended I left something at the table and, like, circle back. And he didn't tip.
Carrie
Oh, damn.
Gene
Like, not even a little bit. And he met me in a service industry job
Carrie
in his fire outfit.
Gene
Yeah. And. And that.
Carrie
Oh, man, that's some role playing. That. Go ahead.
Gene
Yeah. So.
Mike
Hey, baby, can I get a.
Gene
Whatever.
Mike
Can I get a steak, please? Don't bur. Burn it now. I'm have to go put it out.
Gene
First off, I work at a bar, so there's no food involved.
Mike
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Carrie
Drinking is a firefighter outfit.
Mike
Let me get a spicy margarita. Hold the fire now.
Gene
Okay, so. No, you're kidding.
Pat
I go.
Gene
And he didn't tip. So I, like. I had cash in my bag from work. I just put some cash down, and I walked to the elevator. And when I got to the elevator, I was like, hey, like, did you mean to not tip? And he was like, oh, I thought they automatically added it.
Carrie
That's a fair excuse.
Gene
Yeah. So I'm like, okay, I listen. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, so he said, okay, let's go get another drink. So, fine, we go to another place. He had to have ordered four to six drinks between the two of us. Whatever. Had about, like, an $80 tab. He was like, I'm gonna get my check. I'm gonna go to the bathroom, and then we'll leave. He gets the check, he pays. He doesn't tip.
Mike
You checked again.
Carrie
You pocket watching now?
Gene
He left it there when he went to the bathroom. And, like, I wasn't gonna check, but it's like. It's blank as. Like, I'm looking at it. That look white as all I know what it looks like when people write it. Whatever. So I gave them cash. We left, and I'm like, I'm really tired. I just want to go home. He's like, okay, I'm gonna walk you to your car. As we're walking in my car, he goes, do you think that you could pick me up?
Mike
Like. Like.
Carrie
Like physically?
Gene
Like, physically pick him up?
Noni
Okay.
Gene
Like, he wanted me to give him a piggyback ride.
Carrie
Okay. Did you?
Gene
I laughed out loud, and I said no, like, repeatedly, over and over again. Like, almost like that movie that just came out. Like, I was like, no, no, no, no. And I'm like, not only am I not dressed for it, like, I have heels on and a dress and.
Mike
Oh, he tried to do this while you had heels on?
Carrie
Yeah.
Gene
It's crazy.
Mike
He likes you Said he's said he's six three, two, six three.
Gene
He's got to be a minimum 250.
Mike
How tall are you?
Gene
Probably over. I'm five nine, five ten.
Mike
Okay, so you're pretty tall.
Gene
I'm tall. I'm not. Listen, he got that.
Mike
But no, you're pretty tall, though. I had a question for you.
Gene
Oh, God.
Mike
If I jumped on your back, do you think you could carry me?
Paul Pierce
No, listen.
Gene
Okay. Because he said, do you think you could pick me up? And I said, no. Like, I don't even want to try. And honestly, that's not my thing. Like, I don't want to pick my man up. That just doesn't sound like a vibe to me. And instead of, like, hearing me, he put his arms. Like, he came behind me. He put his arms around my neck, and then dead weighted my body.
Carrie
Oh,
Mike
how'd you do, champ?
Pat
Not well at all.
Mike
You fell.
Caller
I literally, like.
Gene
And I didn't fall. Thank God I didn't fall, but I tried to take, like, a step. The hardest step I've ever taken.
Mike
Oh, so you attempted it? You sitting here acting like you didn't participate with us. That's what I don't like.
Carrie
Because you said you weren't pocket. You said you weren't weren't pocket watching, then you're pocket watching, and then you said you weren't going to pick him up and then you actually attempted to.
Mike
So my, so our, our next question is what happened on the second date?
Gene
We didn't go on a second date.
Mike
Why though?
Gene
Because he's texted me like six times and I didn't respond.
Carrie
Did you drop him off at home? Oh, no.
Gene
You said pick him up because he drove separately. He just wanted me to physically pick him up.
Mike
Yeah, maybe you didn't pass his test.
Gene
He's been blowing me up, so I don't think that that's true.
Mike
Nah, he probably thought you had some potential. Like, man, I felt this. She didn't have to give up like that.
Carrie
He just wants you felt the stride.
Paul Pierce
He wants.
Mike
He want to see what you can do with some flats. That's it.
Pat
Yeah.
Gene
I'm not looking for a personal trainer.
Carrie
Oh, man.
Mike
Nah, man.
Carrie
I mean, it sounds like a good story for a date though.
Gene
It's. Yeah, it's a funny story to tell for sure.
Carrie
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Mike
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Carrie
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Mike
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Carrie
All right, you have a good one.
Pat
All right.
Mike
Swag.
Carrie
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Mike
The value is honestly crazy for the quality you're getting. You see the piece I got on? I know y' all like it. I know y' all rocking with it. And this isn't some cheap jewelry that fades after a few wears. God uses real gold. Every stone is handset. And the craftsmanship is on another level. You can literally see and feel the difference. If you're trying to level up, your summer fit is God is a move. They got everything too. Chains, pendants, bracelets, even watches. Whether you keep it simple or you like a little shine, they got the perfect piece for you.
Carrie
And listen, just don't take our word for it. GLD has over 2 million customers and 50,000 five star reviews to back it up. Not to mention it's worn by some of the biggest names out there like Justin Bieber, Micah Parsons, Tyreek Hill, Malik Neighbors, asap, Rocky, and a ton more. The best part, every single piece is guaranteed need for life. It's a no brainer.
Mike
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Caller
I have listened to this podcast. Very exciting.
Mike
Okay, let's fix your phone before so. So you can stay on the line. Our producer is telling us to kick you, but we're not giving up on you.
Caller
Oh, is this better?
Carrie
Yeah, way better.
Mike
Chill out, Gene. Chill out. Gene.
Carrie
What?
Mike
You brought the phone?
Carrie
Did you take your air. You just took your AirPods out or something?
Caller
I have my phone speaker. I have groceries in my hand.
Pat
All right.
Mike
Are you carrying your own groceries?
Caller
I know. It's sad, isn't it?
Carrie
Yes. Go save her then, Pat.
Mike
Oh, I got somebody for her. He get out in six months.
Carrie
All right, I got. I got a question. I got a question for you. For you. What's the worst date you've ever been on?
Caller
Oh, my God. Okay, so let me start this out by saying I wanted to not be a good girl anymore. I got on the apps and did everything I said not to do. So I went to this guy's house. We were supposed to watch a movie.
Mike
Damn over it. First date?
Caller
Yeah. Yeah, but. But I knew what I was getting into, so it's fine. Well, I didn't know, but I thought I knew anyway. So leading up to it, he was telling me all these things he's gonna do to me, whatever, like, it's just stupid. But I get there as soon as he opens the door. He tripped and fell out the door. And mind you, he told me he lived with roommates. His roommates are his parents. And so I said, because when I pulled up to a house, I said, oh, this is a family home, this is bad. So he was like, oh, welcome in. Okay, come sit on the couch. Didn't offer me any food, no water, no nothing. He's not watching TV or a movie. He's watching clips of a TV show off of YouTube.
Mike
What? So like what, like how old is he?
Caller
26. Too old. Too old.
Mike
Okay, all right, so take us to it. He watched y' all watching clips of a show on tv.
Caller
Yeah. And I'm trying to make conversation because we had talked on the phone previously. So I'm like, okay. We were able to like hold a conversation. So I'm trying to chit chat, trying to, you know, start conversation. He won't talk to me, he won't look at me. So I'm like, oh, this is it. And he keeps checking his phone. And I said, oh, you expecting somebody else? He was like, no, I'm watching the church live stream. Why are you doing that? He's like, oh, just to make sure my parents don't get up.
Mike
Oh.
Caller
I said, can you see them in the live stream? He said, yeah, I can see him.
Mike
No, that's crazy.
Carrie
Oh my God.
Mike
You're trying to. He was trying to get you a little Sunday service before they got up.
Caller
No, no, no. Well, so we're sitting there and I'm like, I. When he tripped out the door, I knew, I, this is not going to happen. I said, this is a no go. But whatever. I said, I'm gonna see it through. We'll watch our little movie and then I'mma gracefully leave. Then he's trying to like touch on me and like, whatever. And I was like, no, no. I kissed him a little bit and even that was gross. But then I felt bad, so I said, I'll give you like a little hand job. That's fine. He was like, yeah, absolutely. I'm not body shaving. I'm not body shaving. But we're sitting on his couch in his family room, mind you. He stands up, pulls his pants down his ankles and whips out a 4 inch penis.
Mike
No pants down to that ankles hand
Carrie
job is so crazy.
Caller
That's ridiculous.
Mike
No, that's. I bet you that's how he's still. That's how he's pee at urinals too. Down to his ankle.
Caller
Yes. So now I'm scared because I'm like, oh, no, I'm in too deep with his, like, petite penis. So I was like, okay, well, here we go. I kid you not. I touched him for about 30 seconds. Gun all over my hands, all on his lap, everywhere. Just thick, hot, disgusting. So now I'm sitting there looking at him, and he's looking at me, and I said, can I have a towel, please? He stood up, pants still around his ankles, waddled into his kitchen, wiped himself off with a paper towel, then came back in the living room and handed me that same paper towel.
Mike
Now that's crazy.
Caller
I said, well, can I wash my hands? He was like, oh, yeah, just go through that door. When I opened his bedroom door, it looked like a hoarder's house. Absolutely disgusting. So I'm washing my hands, no towel. I had to dry my hands with toilet paper. And then I was like, oh, I'm getting a phone call. I gotta go. And I ran.
Mike
That's actually crazy.
Carrie
You still have semen in your hand when you ran away?
Caller
No, I washed my hands.
Mike
Oh, you might have, like, legit been the first person to ever touch his penis.
Caller
I think so too. And I said, you know what? That's so disrespectful. Like, why would you have me at your parents house while they're at church? That's horrible.
Mike
Now watching him on a live stream is crazy. Every time they get up and sing a song, he like, hold on, girl.
Carrie
They might be.
Mike
Nah, they just sing.
Caller
They actually did because he said, oh, they're standing up. I said, oh. And he was like, oh, no, no. I guess it's just like prayer or something.
Carrie
Oh, my God.
Mike
Not him watching a church live service and getting a hand job. He dragging you with him. Both y' all get sizzling fajita. No. Yes.
Caller
No, I'm not.
Mike
No, that's crazy.
Carrie
No, that's a bad date.
Mike
That's actually like the worst date ever. You put yourself a little bit in the position of going over somebody's place. Place where you didn't know who they were, but you didn't deserve all that, you know?
Caller
I know.
Mike
Yeah.
Carrie
That was the last time you spoke to him.
Gene
Yes.
Caller
Yes.
Mike
Yeah.
Caller
He texted me and I say, like, oh, how are you? I said, yeah, I'm good. You Be blessed. We don't even see each other anymore.
Carrie
Oh, man. So you said this whole thing started off because you. You were tired of being a good girl?
Caller
Yes.
Mike
That's some up ass karma, man.
Caller
I was immediately punished.
Carrie
So trying to be a bad girl. They get a handful of se leaving is crazy?
Mike
No. Watching a waddle out ass first as.
Gene
Yes.
Carrie
So after that, did that make you go back to being a quote unquote good girl?
Caller
I mean, sure.
Mike
No. No, she used that halfway. No, you use it as your floor. You probably said, it can't get any worse than this.
Carrie
Okay, that's.
Mike
And you double down. That's probably what you did.
Caller
I didn't double down.
Mike
Yes, you did. I can see it in your voice. You double down.
Carrie
I can see it in your voice.
Mike
You can't trick me.
Caller
It wasn't a double down. I said, well, let's just. Let's just keep exploring.
Mike
We know.
Carrie
How soon after that experience did you go on another date, though?
Caller
Oh, like a couple weeks later.
Carrie
Okay. Yeah, that's a good one too.
Mike
Traumatized hands. One too sticky. You got back again.
Caller
Well, and then I was like, no, but anytime people ask, like, oh, like, how bad has it been for you on the apps? I was like, let me tell you. And they're like, well, I won't treat you that bad. So I'm like, see? Tricked. You
Pat
got him.
Mike
Yeah, you did it. All right, we got another call to get on sticky. Thank you. Girl got cutters on.
Pat
Yo, what's up?
Mike
What's the word? Welcome to crash on me's podcast. What's good, bro?
Pat
How you doing, man?
Mike
Good, good, good. How you doing?
Pat
Good.
Mike
I already got a question for you, bro. It sound like you sound pretty plain, Jane.
Pat
All right.
Carrie
What's something you need? What's something you need for goodness for.
Mike
Too late now. Don't try to show us your personality. Just answer the question.
Pat
For hiding my grandpa underwear.
Carrie
Okay. All right. A lot to peel back, I guess. Why did you hide your grandpa's underwear?
Pat
We had got into it a little bit and my grandma was doing the laundry, and I said, I know, I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna hide his underwear. So when she folded his up, I just put them in the bottom cabinet in the kitchen. Why are you be searching for them?
Carrie
You heard him looking for it?
Pat
Yeah, like he was searching my grandma. I felt this. Why I need forgiveness. Cuz my grandma, he made my grandma go get him more underwear because he couldn't find this there.
Carrie
What was he saying when he was Looking for it.
Pat
He was just like. First he was trying to, like, blame it on the dude that was living at his house with a. My grandparents, like, was taking care of somebody, so he was like, oh, you taking my underwear? Taking my underwear and kicking the dude out, but he still couldn't find his underwear. So, yeah, I kind of feel bad because it affected more people than him.
Carrie
Why were you beefing with your grandfather?
Pat
I was just out of college, and. And I was, like, staying with him for a little bit, and he was just like, oh, you need to get a job and stuff into it all the time.
Carrie
Are you trying to motivate you? Why weren't you getting a job?
Pat
I was thinking I was working. I was just like. They thought I was, like, supposed to be making $50,000 or whatever, like, be able to graduate college and buy a house.
Mike
Did they? Did they graduate college?
Pat
I don't know.
Mike
Yeah, see, that's usually what it is. They probably think, like, just because you got the degree is automatic. What you get your degree in.
Pat
Oh, I'm a farmer. My degree is in sustainable agriculture.
Carrie
Yeah, yeah.
Mike
You couldn't expect much from that.
Pat
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mike
They don't understand.
Pat
They never, like, really understood it. Yeah, you want to be a farmer?
Mike
Okay, let's. Let's go back to your thought process, because I feel like there's a lot of things that you could have did to your granddad to get him like that. What's so special about his underwear? Was it something you saw? Like, oh, when he ain't got his underwear, he tweak out?
Pat
Nah, nah, I just.
Mike
I don't know.
Pat
I was like, the. It was really weird thinking about it now. It's like, why did I go for his underwear?
Mike
At least they were clean. Yeah, no, I'm just saying, like, what kind of underwear were they anyways? Like, just boxers.
Pat
Just like old Hanes underwear brief.
Carrie
He hit his granddad's tidy wadi, man
Mike
hit his granddad draw. That boy went for his granddad draws. This is the first thing for revenge, is grabbing a underwear. The new generation said, how can I make my granddad mad? Oh, let me go grab the thing he put his dick and balls in.
Paul Pierce
Oh, man.
Carrie
Okay, man. You have a good one, bro.
Pat
Y' all too, bro.
Carrie
Yo, hold on, hold on.
Mike
Yo, what's good? Yo, what's good? I hate clocking into work like this, bro. This about. This shit about to be terrible. Y' all know I should be allowed to have a bad shift because I feel like everybody else is just like. Like, you Ever clocked in? Like, bro, you work. Who is this? Yeah, I work. You work. And then, like, it's some shifts that you don't want to clock in because it's just like, your co workers just, like, annoying as.
Carrie
Are you saying I'm annoying?
Pat
What? Like.
Mike
No, I'm just saying I feel like the callers are our co workers too, because we working with them to get viral videos.
Pat
True.
Mike
And sometimes we got to help them with question. I'm just saying don't make my day hard, nigga. Oh, my God.
Carrie
All right, hold up, bro. I got a question for you, man.
Pat
Man. All right, all right.
Carrie
What's something you stopped doing that made you feel better?
Pat
Stopped having titties.
Carrie
Okay, okay.
Mike
Like. Like real.
Pat
Yeah. So. All right.
Gene
No.
Pat
All right. So I stopped having cities, man, and made my life better.
Carrie
Like, were you, like, overweight?
Pat
You mean? I wasn't overweight. I. It was just like a genetic thing. Like, I'd be, like, fit, but, like, the chest would just always be bad as. It'd just be a puffy. Yeah, yeah, it was bad. It was. It was a bad situation. No matter how active I was.
Mike
Was it like a. Was it like a self conscious thing or were people actively telling you this?
Pat
Hell yeah. No, no, no. Actively, Actively.
Mike
Who was telling you this the most?
Pat
I go, who, bro? Both. I go, who? Or whatever. Talk a little and be like, shut up, titties.
Paul Pierce
And
Pat
since, you know, since I lost him, since, like, I had surgery and all that, because it's like, that's what
Carrie
I was gonna ask. How'd you lose them?
Pat
Yeah, surgery. So. Because.
Carrie
But to Dr. Miami, no matter how much I.
Pat
No, no, no, no, no.
Carrie
Go ahead, Go ahead.
Mike
My bad.
Pat
I had to go. They had to go under the gland or some to pull the fat out, because I can't just lose that, you know, just working out and like that.
Mike
Damn. So what's.
Carrie
What's crazy?
Mike
What's the worst joke you ever heard about him?
Pat
Just straight up acknowledging the bro?
Gene
That's.
Pat
That's. That's bad enough.
Carrie
So what was the surgery call that you did?
Mike
Nah, nigga got surgery so he don't get motorboated.
Pat
What's the. Was it like a gyno? It's like just gyno surgery.
Noni
Okay.
Mike
Or chest ex.
Pat
Chest extraction.
Carrie
Oh, like, what was the recovery for that, though? Like, did it make your chest look a little bit weird now?
Pat
Nah, it just looks flatter. Like, it makes. It makes sense. Like, like, I'm telling you, it made my life better.
Carrie
Can you, like, Build muscle there, cuz. Obviously. Like, is it like you got a bird chest now? Or can you.
Pat
No, no, no. I could build muscle now.
Caller
Yeah.
Pat
He said I can go back to better muscle. I just couldn't do. Related to my chest, like, the last six weeks.
Mike
No, he got.
Pat
But I'm like, at my final wig now.
Carrie
Oh, you just got. You just got it.
Pat
Yeah, okay.
Mike
Nah, he got the Britney Grinder chest.
Pat
I've been back to the court.
Mike
I like her chest.
Gene
Okay.
Carrie
I can't say that she's a fan of the podcast.
Mike
No, she really is. But I like her chest.
Carrie
Yeah. Okay.
Mike
She has surgery on her chest. He did, too. That's a great comparison. How's that funny?
Pat
I'll go back to hoop now. I'll go back to hoop now. Right? And remember I said, they say, oh, yeah, shut up, Titties. Whatever the. Like, I'll go hoop. I'll talk my. I'd be like, yeah, step up. And they just be like, yeah, all right, bro.
Mike
Because before you was sitting down that big butt, they were still staring at the titties, though,
Pat
bro. What the.
Carrie
Nah, bro. That's dope. At least you. You did something to work on yourself. Obviously, there's nothing you. You could have done to get rid of him. So you say. Yeah, the thing about the. When people say things, then there's gonna be somebody in the comments saying that you're. You're full of bullsh. You're full of that. You could have got rid of it.
Mike
But if he got surgery, I feel like it was real. I feel like they wouldn't have did the surgery.
Carrie
Guys don't get freaking breast surgery.
Mike
Yeah, he must have really needed, like, I lost.
Pat
I lost over, like, 100 pounds. And that was, like, the only thing that. That didn't leave.
Mike
Damn. You got. You still got pictures of it.
Pat
Yeah, I got, like, pictures of, like, the whole recovery and all that.
Mike
That's like.
Pat
Like day one and all the weeks and like that. And I'm about to go in sometime this week.
Carrie
The picture on your. In your profile, did you have the titties or do you. Didn't have the titties.
Pat
Picture of my profile. What's my picture of my profile?
Carrie
The only picture you got posted.
Pat
I was like, oh, that was like. That was like. I was like, a couple weeks before I had my search surgery.
Carrie
Oh, yeah.
Pat
Oh, and I wore, like, a bunch of, like, compression shits to hide it and all that.
Mike
You should have put some tape on them. I can still see you
Pat
up, bro. No, I Haven't took a picture since, bro. But I'm about to now.
Carrie
You good, bro? I'm glad you got your confidence back, though.
Pat
Yeah.
Carrie
Is that. That's what they really helped with, though?
Pat
What?
Carrie
Is that what it really helped with? Get your confidence back?
Pat
Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. I ain't gonna lie. I've. My social life been 100. I've been just out here. I've been talking my. I've been feeling, I've been doing. I've been doing me.
Mike
So since. Since you don't look like Sydney Sweeney no more, you're here talking and.
Carrie
Oh, my God.
Pat
Yes, sir.
Mike
Get surgery.
Pat
That's a fact.
Mike
You always be.
Carrie
Surgery
Pat
up. That's crazy.
Carrie
All right, Brad, you have a good one.
Pat
Hey, go ahead. Hey. But I went to the Detroit show. I went to the Detroit show, and that was nice before.
Carrie
Oh, yeah, you just said he last week. So you already had the surgery by then?
Mike
Oh, he already had the surgery.
Gene
Yeah. Yeah.
Pat
Y' all was about to say some. Yeah, that's why I went, man. I, I. When I went with titties.
Mike
Yeah. You knew not to bring them titties.
Carrie
They just say you can't be vulnerable on here. You can be vulnerable.
Mike
No, no, no. I would have signed your bro.
Pat
Talking about what?
Mike
Your titties, bro.
Carrie
Now you have a good one, bro.
Mike
Glad you got the confidence back.
Carrie
Appreciate you coming out to support. All right, bro.
Gene
Okay.
Noni
You had mentioned embarrassing the girl. It made me think of Kanye and what he does with his wife currently. Do you look at that as embarrassing her?
Carrie
I don't think she cares as much.
Mike
I see it as, like, that's his muse, you know?
Carrie
Yeah. And I think she. I think she's embodied being his muse.
Mike
Is he the last shoot that's did.
Noni
Yeah. With the cow.
Carrie
Yeah, the milking the cow thing, I just. And then made her drink it. He didn't make her drink it. No.
Noni
But I don't know, the whole barefoot thing, to me being like half almost naked in public spaces.
Carrie
I don't know probably how they met, though.
Mike
Yeah, exactly. To me, that's exactly what he said. Like, Kanye at that point, when she met Kanye, like, there's no way she didn't think that was going to come continue to happen. Like, obviously, you see him, he already doing half the he doing now in a relationship. And obviously, like Mike said, that's probably how they met. She was probably on some wild, too, and they like, damn, I'm gonna milk you one day.
Carrie
You know how, like, when you see two people or that might seem a little odd. But then they're both odd. It's like, oh, you guys are really meant for each other.
Noni
Yeah, but the north be there, huh? Then north be around.
Mike
But north just like her dad, you know, I mean, she kind of like.
Carrie
Like she made music.
Mike
Yeah.
Noni
She, like I mentioned north in the sense of her age and seeing how her dad treats this woman or whatever, and maybe how Kim might look at that, like, damn, how you got her around my daughter.
Carrie
Like, yeah, that's true. I think they've had those conversations, like, in depth conversation, like who your dad is, what he does, and how he may be at times.
Mike
Yeah, I think. But I also think they've been used to that. Like, look at who their dad is. You can't tell me north has never had a Twitter account or Instagram. Instagram account and seeing random about her dad or a random about her mom. So like, she has to be numb to all that and know, like, I'm never gonna believe or look too far into like, what the Internet is posting.
Carrie
And that's their norm.
Mike
They literally grew up like that. If anybody is ready, it's got to be them damn kids.
Noni
He's at it again.
Mike
Somebody said a tweet said, why when get laced, they get an Android. I feel like that's always true.
Paul Pierce
True.
Mike
You've never seen somebody get laced. It's like one of the saddest things in the world, bro.
Carrie
They get an Android.
Mike
Yeah, like, they just like, they get an Android.
Noni
I don't care anymore.
Mike
They start believing in conspiracies and I know what you're talking about. Yeah, bro, that's crazy. That is wild. You know what it is though, is that like, it is the conspiracies. They're like, oh, the iPhones got something in them.
Caller
And like that.
Mike
They do. No real. But the. The thing I say, I knew this dude that got laced in high school, right? And he got so paranoid that he. He grabbed his, like, dad's gun and did like three armed robberies within a span of like an hour, 30 minutes. Like, strong arming people for their cars, just driving to random places. And then they got 11 years off that shit.
Carrie
Damn.
Mike
Ain't that crazy? You can get laced and like, make like the justice system is so fucked up. Like, they don't even be looking at cases, like, just case to case. Like, people like us to be judges. It's just like, okay, bro, you robbed a store. Like, where do you live? Okay, you broke, you know what I'm saying? Like, why did you Rob this store. You gonna do it again? Let's. We can judge off character and shit.
Carrie
I can't be a judge.
Mike
Why not?
Carrie
I feel like I. I feel too much empathy. Like sometimes when I. Even when I see, like, those young kids who committed murder and then seen them break down when they get their verdict, the life sentence or whatever, even though I know they committed some crazy crime, they deserve to be in prison.
Caller
Yeah.
Carrie
You still feel that, that empty empathy because, like, damn, they just really ruined their life. So. I don't know. I don't think I could be. Personally be a judge. I don't got that. I don't know. I'm not stern enough in that sense. Yeah.
Mike
I couldn't be. I'm not doing no major judge. Like a murder case. No, no, no. I'm doing like armed robberies and shit like that. Come on, bro. Like, let's like, okay, you got $3,000 in your bank account. Why the fuck is you stealing visa cards, bro? 10 years.
Noni
Have you ever been a jerk?
Carrie
I can't even say, oh, no, you're
Mike
not allowed to say no.
Carrie
No, I have not.
Mike
I was. I was a jury for a murder case. I was ready to go, so I kept saying, guilty. Come on, man.
Carrie
Me being a jury. And I say, like, the person that. That knows me, that's like being prosecuted. That's like a weird feeling.
Mike
Oh, I know you, bro. That's crazy.
Carrie
The crashed up movies, like audio listener or YouTube watching.
Mike
Oh my, my DM of the week. Somebody DM me for some reason and said, I had a dream that Mike was streaming Minecraft on Tick Tock Live and I came and told him to shut his ass up because y' all had previously FaceTimed the Knicks players in their shared hotel room and didn't invite me. I'm sorry, man. What do you say about that?
Noni
That
Carrie
having dreams about pressing me,
Mike
like, what? No, that's funny. Over Minecraft. You ever played Minecraft before?
Carrie
A couple times.
Mike
Really? I never played that, bro.
Carrie
But not like, probably like, like three hours of my life.
Mike
Hell no. I'm done with video games, bro. Wait, I don't. I don't. You said what?
Carrie
Why are you dumb with video games?
Mike
I. So I recently tried to dive back into video games just to like, kind of of, you know, create a safe space for my brain because I feel like I'm always thinking about, like, the next skit or something. So I played 2K. And when I tell you it was the most horrific experience of my life, bro, Like, I couldn't do shit that I used to. And even when I, like, went to the gym and practiced by myself with my player, I still couldn't get it down. And I just started thinking like, bro, it's people like me that's. That's giving all they energy to this video game. And that's all they doing. And that's why they so good. Like, it was a dude on there talking trash like, you sorry as Unc wrap it up. And I'm like, bro, like, what. What the do you do for a living? And like, the worked like night shift or whatever, but he claimed he got bands and it's whatever. Weak as hell.
Carrie
I think it must have been a spank.
Mike
No, he was, bro, I'm talking about, bro, I play this like 101 five times, Dan. Or didn't he score?
Noni
I'm like.
Mike
But I'm like, bro, this all you do. And you focus. And they're just like, these video games, like, especially the popular ones is like, bro, I can't compete, bro, because I'm coming home from a podcast. Just. No, I kept playing. I kept playing for like three hours. But they was busting my ass, bro. And I kept asking him, like, how old is you to like, I'm 26. I'm 27. And just like, bro, like, this is what he do. Like, he clock in at Myers, he clock out, he come play the video game. They try to teach you. Like, they try to teach you like Charles Barkley and Space J. Yeah, yeah, now little. Y' all got it, bro. Y' all got the video game. I see. Like, I even tried to do some bor. Like jump on Fortnite and I played like the. The builder mode, bro. I shot at a once he built a castle on came.
Carrie
I remember those days with Fortnite was popular when I used to try to play. The reason I hopped off Fortnite, it was just like, bro, get insane. You're. You sucked by a 14 year old, 16 year old. There was the. The age gap with the people that. Or the age like, yeah. Of people that can play that game or play that game is like too wide for me.
Noni
Yeah, I've never played it before. I only stick to the games that I know. Like when I would play Crash Bandicoot.
Mike
Oh, that's old school.
Noni
I used to play like Halo a lot.
Mike
That's old school. But like, you have you play video games in your adult life?
Noni
Sims. I think that's a girl's game.
Mike
No, that's definitely a girl's game. I like, seems to be like how the you get pregn. Nobody want to hear that.
Carrie
I like, I do like those simulator games. Like it'd be like a, like you own a convenience store type of similar. Yeah, like, like stocking up or the farm. The farming games and like that. I kind of like playing those sometimes.
Mike
Roller coaster tycoon used to be fire, bro.
Carrie
Which one's that?
Mike
Where you build a roller coaster. You control an amusement park. Hard dog stands. Yeah bro.
Carrie
Yeah.
Mike
If you ain't hired too many generators, like you got too much throw up on the sidewalk. My favorite one was zoo tycoon though. Like building a zoo and like getting different animals and that. Then when a like throw up on your sidewalk, you can put a hole in the lion's cage. That's what I used to do. They like it's a lion loose. I was like, I turned my head, I. I see nothing.
Noni
That's the game you need to pick up and play again. What the zoo tycoon. Cuz it is Men's Mental health awareness month. Right? And I know a lot of guys play video games for their mental health and it relieves stress.
Carrie
Their spouses.
Mike
Yes. Oh, that's what it really is.
Carrie
Sometimes it is.
Mike
Yeah.
Carrie
Feel like guys need more, you know, we got to start being okay, taking our space. Taking your space, that's okay. Your space, fellas.
Mike
Because it used to be random sports but like the older you get, the harder it is to find a like a random spot to base play a sport without being committed. Like if I want to play flag football, I gotta go join a team full of people I fucking hate just to play a game once a week that I might miss if it falls too early, if it's 10 o' clock and I ain't got no babysitter for my son, now I miss a whole fucking football game. So it just like that shit is very hard to find. Or you walk into a basketball, it's usually basketball is literally the only thing you can like walking too randomly and there's like no tears. Like you're either walking into like damn near a NBA pro run and you're the shortest dude out there at six foot one. Or you walking in, you playing with 50 year old man and you score him 50 and you feel like LeBron
Carrie
James and no, that's a good ego boost when you play against the old fella.
Mike
The old people keep getting in.
Carrie
Oh my gosh. And then all you do is facilitating too. Yeah, you try you making them better. And yeah, those old people, people like to like the older people, like, I'm saying, like, 50 and up, they like to feel like they're still contributing. Yeah. Once you feed them the ball, especially the corner three. Yeah, shoot that, Earl.
Mike
Oh, that's. Oh, that's the best thing you can do to them is when they miss a three, you look at them and say, keep shooting. Oh, they love that. I got you. And then they bank in the game. Winner. I believed in you. It's like, bro, I got my local dentist to score four points in a basketball game. Like, I'm him, bro.
Carrie
And the thing about once you, like, befriend those old people, they will ride for you wherever. Like, if you need a job or some like that, they gonna help you in the real world, bro.
Noni
That's the problem. These young dudes don't have no OGs, and they.
Carrie
No, no, they're not trying to be friends. They'd be clowning the OGs too much.
Mike
But the OGs be trying to compete too much.
Carrie
That is true. That's Paul Pierce.
Mike
Yeah, like, exactly. Oh, Paul Pierce. You supposed to be married and, like, saving these girls for the young and so they can go through their lessons and maybe find a wife, but you over here competing with them.
Noni
Like, stop.
Mike
I be getting where everybody come from. That's why I, like. I hate being so opinionated. I hate that people even pay attention to what I say sometimes because, like, I got. I got my own opinion, and then sometimes I'll express it, and then I have 20 people DMing me like, that you said, not true. I'm like, it's not true for you, ass. But it's true for me.
Carrie
I'm always, like, willing to be wrong about something. Even when I. Even when I listen back sometimes to pods that I've done, I'm like, oh, I was probably wrong about that. But that's the point of a podcast. That's the point about giving your opinion, because you have to be brave enough to give your opinion on something where everybody can hear it. People will be giving their opinions in private and be like. Or they have the. You know, we always talk about that. They have the. The convenience of Google to, like, prove them right and then comment about something I'm wrong about. Like, bro, I didn't know, bro.
Mike
I don't listen to people that, like, come on here and be like, pat was wrong about such and such. Like, ass, you got two friends and you say, I don't know. Every day, like, y', all, all three on the group chat. Like, I don't know, bro. Y' all scared to give y' all peace to each other. Like, I'm doing this for the masses. I'm taking risks every day. I'm wrong. Y' all asking me who gonna win the finals. And then I give y' all my opinion. Then y' all come back and throw it in my face. Y' all some hoes, man. That's some old ass, bro. Why you asking me?
Carrie
I do like a debate, though. I do like people saying like, in a. In a more informed way, like, oh, you're wrong. So then it kind of gives me room to then rebuttal with where I'm coming from or elaborate on my opinion.
Noni
Yeah. Rather than conversation.
Carrie
I like the conversation. Not like, shut y' all dumb ass up. This and that. And it's like, okay, no, I don't really.
Mike
I don't say I'll let people cook. But it's all about the approach, though. Like, some people be doing it as like to. To make you look bad. It's just like, oh, y' all didn't know about the court case in 1967? Duh, we didn't. Why don't you type it out? And it's just telling us about the court case from 1967. Some. You probably went in Google or everybody.
Carrie
Why do you have that in your brain?
Mike
Exactly. But I'm not. I'm not blaming them because we all have random information in our. But don't.
Noni
I don't.
Carrie
I won't weaponize my random information because
Mike
I know it's random.
Noni
He's stupid.
Mike
I know it's random. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, just like I know who Susan B. Anthony is. You know what I'm saying? Like, it just be like, why would I weaponize, huh?
Carrie
Who is she?
Mike
A woman?
Carrie
The fuck?
Mike
No.
Carrie
Go vote.
Mike
Go vote.
Carrie
Go vote now. When is the next election? Like, what we got midterms? Come on.
Paul Pierce
Come on.
Carrie
I don't know why we looked at Carrie. You just seem like the most responsible out of the.
Noni
All to do the. I think the primary.
Mike
What we voting for the mayor in like fall.
Carrie
Oh, yeah. Mayor.
Mike
That's why he. That's why he doing all them videos.
Noni
Governor.
Mike
Oh, he's the governor. That's why the mayor.
Carrie
Governor. Governor.
Pat
Yeah, yeah.
Mike
We voting for the governor or the mayor?
Carrie
Yeah, the governor. One of Donnie just got inducted something.
Noni
He's the mayor.
Carrie
He's the mayor now. I'm just saying that's why the mayor won.
Mike
Inducted. Is it inducted?
Carrie
It is.
Mike
It's elected.
Carrie
No, inducted. Inducted. Into the hall of Fame.
Gene
Yeah.
Mike
Mandani just got abducted by some aliens. He got abducted.
Carrie
They come in here for the political news. America's GDP just dropped 10%.
Noni
Speaking of that, real quick, I feel like you finna cook with something. I gotta know how y' all feel about this UFC claw being built on the White House right now. Have y' all seen that? What's up? Like, are y' all into ufc? Do you know the relevancy of all of this?
Carrie
I think, think obviously it's Trump's birthday, too, on the day, on this day. And usually UFC fights are on Saturday nights. So I think that also people are suing, trying to sue and stop it, because they say that it's. You're using government property and stuff like that. But Trump and Dana White, who owns the ufc, are buddy, buddy. So I think personally, this is my conspiracy theory. Well, this conspiracy theories I hear is that Trump owns a percentage of, you know, the TKO group which oversees ufc, so him doing the event profits him as well, right?
Noni
Allegedly.
Carrie
Allegedly. Yeah, allegedly.
Mike
I mean, he gained so much money since being in office. I don't like that shit, though. Like, I want. I want our elected officials to be broke. Like, I want to be able. I want to be able to walk into Walmart and see Trump in the dairy aisle. You know what I'm saying? Just, like, I think that's how it should be. So I can walk up to him like, hey, like, what is we doing, bro?
Carrie
No, but they're. Their salaries. Their salaries are obviously, I think the president's salary is like $400,000 a year. Yeah, but, like, every politician is.
Mike
But we.
Carrie
But we know.
Mike
But it. It makes sense. Why. I. I don't. Sometimes I don't blame them because it's like, they have insider information on, like, stocks and trades. So just like the person that owns the company, they're going out to dinner with every day. And if a looking crazy, like, wait, why does not paying for dinner.
Paul Pierce
Oh, your.
Mike
About the. Okay, let me go ahead and take my money out real quick.
Carrie
I just said, if you had insider information, would. Would that make you trade differently, bro?
Mike
Hell yeah, bro. And I'll be bragging about it. I'll be. I'll be teaching classes.
Carrie
No, it is illegal.
Noni
That's what I'm about to say. Yeah, it's technically do it on the
Carrie
radio, but I don't know. I don't know. I think separating sports and politics needs to be a lot more even. Like the Trump coming to the Knicks
Mike
game, and then that Was some bullshit.
Carrie
I think it's one of those things. It made it harder for people of New York to, like, get in the game, get out the game.
Noni
It's crazy, though, because I said on the pod that I feel like if it was Obama, nobody would have cared
Carrie
that he was at the game.
Noni
Yeah.
Mike
Nah, they would have went crazy.
Noni
They would have embraced.
Carrie
Yeah.
Mike
But as a president. As a president, that would have went crazy.
Noni
I think it would have been amazing.
Mike
No, it would have been amazing. But it's just like, Obama just. I don't think Obama would ever present himself like that. I think Trump is doing a of things that. When Obama was in office. That's why I feel like Obama does a lot of stuff now. Obama would have invited him to the White House, like, after. After he. But I think Obama would have never make a public appearance like that. And we're at war. He would just. Obama was a person that, like, when he came on tv, no matter what he did, like, the bombings, whatever, y', all. Y' all gonna be in the comments, like, did you know Obama did the same thing as Trump? Like, cool. But one thing Obama did is he hit it. He was like that good parent is just like, you hear your parents fighting, and then your dad come over there like, yeah, me and your mom was arguing about who better between Jordan LeBron. And you're like, ah, damn. That's what I thought. Pops, we all good. You know, he make you feel good.
Carrie
And I also think Obama is just more popular among NBA fans at that game because Trump was getting booed. I don't think Obama would have got booed.
Pat
Yeah.
Carrie
When he was there. So you're right. I don't think people would have cared if. About the person because. But it's like, if somebody I already don't like is making my life harder, you're getting booed. Like. But if somebody that I really like and it's like, I get it, I. I'll suffer this minor inconvenience or maybe major inconvenience, because I really like this person.
Noni
You cool with me?
Carrie
Yeah. Yeah, Exactly.
Mike
But also, we live more in a world where, like, the new generation, we kind of don't care, but the generation under us don't give a fuck. But, like, back when, back when, like, Obama was president his first term and before him, it was kind of like, damn, can we boo the president? Like, will something happen to us if we boo the president? But now people are in the stages, like, ah, I wish a president would just die. Blah, blah. And he saying, it publicly back in the day, you get gone. But it's so much technology that if when somebody says like something a radical these days, they're almost protected. Like okay, we watching you now because you're going against these people now you can't die. But back in the day, you make a video like that, you gone.
Carrie
It's like that was a point. It was a time I was like, if you didn't stand up and put your hand over your heart, you felt like bro, you thought you get in trouble.
Mike
Especially you around 9 11, man, somebody beat the out you take your hat off. Take your hat off.
Carrie
I'm not going to lie. I stopped taking my hat off and like for the pledge of allegiance for a while and even like putting my hand over my heart. Even in college I, before the whole the anthem. Okay, even in college when we did like the thing, I never really put my hand over my heart. Just do like I put my head down and put my hands behind my back or something.
Mike
I. I wish like. So I was one year year removed from college. So I was, I was actually like a GA coach. So I coach college football and. But no, but they took a knee that year.
Carrie
Yeah, no, maybe.
Mike
Maybe this was when. Because you weren't there.
Carrie
Maybe I was there when they were,
Mike
when they were taking a knee. Right. Okay, so some players took a knee and I like, I technically wasn't allowed to take a knee or I could have lost my job. So I stood by the players that like took a knee and like put the shoulder. I felt like Jerry Jones and shit.
Paul Pierce
Get a voice.
Mike
Yeah, but it's just like not like. I feel like that's when it first started. Like people taking knees during the national anthem. That's when it's like.
Carrie
Okay, that was like. It felt like a trend too.
Mike
Yeah, it was.
Carrie
Yeah. Like five year olds at their peewee games.
Mike
Grown ass white man. Get up right now.
Pat
Right now.
Noni
Shout out Kaepernick.
Carrie
Yeah, shout out Kaepernick.
Mike
No, Kaepernick was taking knees, bro. He had old white man Red look at his tactiles.
Carrie
Especially after it was a white man that told him to. That would be more respectable than sitting down.
Mike
No, bro, but now people don't with
Carrie
Kaepernick like that no more cuz they, you know, he settled with the NFL.
Noni
So did Jay Z.
Carrie
What? That's true too.
Mike
Yeah, I mean a lot of people think they know what they would do until it's $10 million waving in front of their face.
Noni
I say that about every.
Mike
I Say that about you and him and me and him. I just don't. I don't care. I'm not saying you would take the money, but to sit there and act like you already have your decision. Right? I'm not saying you can't.
Carrie
That's true.
Mike
I can't. I'm not saying you can't say no again. But to act like you wouldn't reset and reevaluate it, it's just a blatant lie. So if somebody say, like, hey, I want you. I want to offer you 10 million, and we love your. Your podcast Brain Squeak, but I want you to never talk about black excellence. I want you to keep it just pop culture and push, you know, celebrity breakups in that. And we're gonna pay you 10 million every year. You do that under the table. And, like, right. Like, right now, you say no, right?
Noni
Yeah, I say no.
Mike
Right. But, like, when it's like, the money in front of you, they like, okay, here's a $10 million check, or here's the wire transfer that we're about to send. You sure you don't want this?
Carrie
I think you got to reevaluate for things like that. It's easy for me to say. I would say no, know, just because if I'm being offered 10 million from someone, I already think I'm in that realm of, like, that money already, where I could get another offer where I can keep my morals in the same path.
Mike
Oh, yeah, whatever, buddy. What do you think about gang violence?
Carrie
But I get you're still right. So your point is still right, is that you, like you said, you won't know what you would do until the money is easy to say no to. Hypothetical, like, yes, because it's like, why am I going to be like, I'm on the other side of I'm already. Basically, you're cashing in your morals already before there's money in. In your face. Yes.
Noni
I get tired of these social media critics. They like to bash everybody else and talk about what they would or wouldn't do, and it's like, you truly don't know unless you're in their shoes.
Mike
Also, the. The other thing is, like, now that we know with some conspiracy theories, I won't put them out there because I want nobody tapping my phone or some shit. But, like, when someone offers you a crazy amount of money to do something, sometimes it doesn't feel like an offer. Yeah, right. It feels like, no, take this because you're doing too much. Brain squeeze is, hey, we calculated we did the demographics on Brain Squeeze, and you making all these people think differently. We. Not with that. We offering you 10 million. Okay, you want to turn it down? Okay. We gonna put a brick on your gas pedal. Good luck.
Paul Pierce
Is it.
Carrie
Is it a brick on your gas, or is it a brick under the. The brakes?
Mike
No, I feel. But, you know, they. They can control your car. Like, all cars are controllable that way. Like, the newer cars can, like, be
Noni
sped up like the electric ones.
Mike
Yeah.
Carrie
Like, I know you can slow down your, like, people's test Teslas.
Mike
Yeah, you can.
Carrie
Like, when you're renting out Teslas. Like, especially, like, if you're renting like, like through an app like Turo, where it's like peer to peer.
Paul Pierce
Yeah.
Carrie
You can speed cap it. Where it's like, they can't go over a certain. Because some people be, like, burning, like, going on 20 initiative.
Mike
If you can speed cap, you can't tell me that that. That technology can't be reverse engineered into speeding.
Carrie
I. I don't know.
Mike
It has to be. So I'm just saying, like, if they got that control. To me, like, anytime you watch a movie and you see something crazy like, damn, that's some futuristic shit. The government already did that to me. They just hiding it because they just be like, why the will we give these dumbass flying cars? They still accidentally shaking ass. I was listening to some walking music, and you know how, like, they be getting on Little Milwaukee for throwing ass. And during the dance. I was doing one of the dances, and when you do the arm movement, your hips start to slightly move, and it just like. That's why they be. I feel like they be accidentally throwing ass and they don't be even know us. They be like, whoops. That's why they always do it, like, once or twice, and they turn off the video like, yeah.
Carrie
Oh, my God. Anyway, that's been the episode. Appreciate y' all supporting. Make sure you guys grab the Patreon. Make sure you guys follow us on all platforms. Everything's in the description. Yeah, peace, peace. Right, right, right, right.
This episode of Crash Dummies Podcast is a blend of sharp-witted humor and laid-back conversation, centered around current events, wild personal stories, and hypothetical scenarios that span from AI’s impact on the earth to the nuances of “tricking” in relationships, all the way to a hilarious exploration of body image and embarrassing date stories. Pat and Mike are joined by a rotating group of friends and callers, whose stories give the episode a lively, barbershop feel. The main topics include social media culture, dating mishaps, body image, and the blurred lines between public persona and private experiences.
"I just hit up one of my Memphis, like, I'm sorry, bro. I need to know if Jordan really had the flu, man." (01:01)
"NBA players have been driving the price up for years for tricking." (08:38)
"What the is lame and like, what is using your money? Because if...an NBA player...some of the lamest niggers I've ever met in my life..." (10:47)
Carrie: "I definitely saved money being in a relationship." (18:28) Mike: "The ultimate form of tricking is being a boyfriend or a fiancé or a husband." (17:21)
Pat: "Just a chubby country girl." (44:21) Carrie: "Just call your girl chubby?" (44:24)
Pat: "I stopped having titties, man, and made my life better." (70:11) "No matter how active I was...the chest would just always be bad...just be a puffy." (70:22)
"My social life been 100. I've been just out here. I've been talking my. I've been feeling, I've been doing. I've been doing me." (74:35)
Noni: "The whole barefoot thing, to me, being, like, half almost naked in public spaces..." (76:06) Carrie: "She’s embodied being his muse." (75:51)
The episode flows seamlessly between insightful banter, raw confessions, and the hysterically awkward. Pat and Mike maintain their trademark relaxed, improv-heavy tone, never shying from personal take-downs, yet their discussions about money, relationships, and vulnerability create a relatable and authentic atmosphere. Dialogue is peppered with streetwise humor, bold honesty, and the occasional pause for genuine empathy.
If you haven’t listened to Crash Dummies before, this episode offers the show in full form: fast-paced, off-the-cuff, and unfiltered. It’s a perfect introduction to their dynamic—equal parts cultural commentary and group therapy with a comedic twist, where even the most random stories become a platform for unpacking real-world issues.
Note:
Advertisements and some sponsor reads have been omitted per instructions. Content sections have been structured for clarity and attributed where contextually relevant.