5 Kids at 21 - Episode 241

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 241: "5 Kids at 21"

Release Date: January 14, 2026
Hosts: Patrick Johnson (Pat), Michael Esiobu (Mike)
Guest: Gene (recurring co-host)
Theme: Pat and Mike tackle random, wild scenarios, current events, outrageous stories, and listener call-ins—culminating in a jaw-dropping interview with a 21-year-old with five kids.

---

Episode Overview

This episode exemplifies the Crash Dummies Podcast’s unpredictable, comedic, and conversational vibe. Pat and Mike riff on everything from NBA star Zion Williamson’s public “horny” escapades and bad dating app pickup lines, to relationship red flags and viral internet drama. The episode’s highlight is an extended—and hilarious—call-in with a young man who has five kids at only 21. Throughout, the hosts oscillate between sharp social commentary, banter, and relatable personal anecdotes.

---

Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Opening Banter and Listener Comments (00:30–03:32)

• Pat’s Rambles: Opens with stories about weird ice, old school rapper bravado, and a mall encounter that hilariously derails.
• Listener Feedback: Mike reflects on why he introduces himself at the top—listeners can't always tell Pat and Mike apart (“the dude on the right”).
  • Quote (Mike, 02:24): “The guy dude on the right... his laugh alone got me hooked.”

---

2. Sports Tangents: Packers/Bears and Zion Williamson (03:32–09:36)

• Packers Choke Commentary: Pat ponders fandom and dumb sports takes (“Put the fries in the bag, nigga.” – 04:14)
• Zion Williamson Segment: Pat & Mike dissect why Zion’s personal life goes viral so often—discussing athletes, money, and “horny decisions.”
  • Key insights: Wealth/fame exposes athletes to “bad character women,” and Zion’s naivete is a recurring meme.
  • Quote (Pat, 05:27): “Zion probably didn’t get around women until he was already famous... So he doesn’t even know who truly likes him.”
  • Debate on public “preference” for certain kinds of women, scrutiny over being filmed in compromising scenarios, plus a hilarious roast of Zion’s fashion (“Anime Air Force Ones, anime vest, you had to go out of your way!” – Pat, 08:38)

---

3. Celebrity News & TMZ Critique (09:36–10:51)

• Pat calls out TMZ for now reporting on the extended families of minor celebrities, joking: “If we ever get that famous, I’m fucked… My family in the news every week.” (09:36)

---

4. Viral Gyms & Social Media Trends (10:51–12:34)

• Brief detour into the “Diamond Gym” in Houston becoming a tourist trap for viral videos of extreme, sometimes senseless workouts and trainers shouting at clients—Pat and Mike swap gym preferences, with Pat preferring “to be insulted” for motivation.

---

5. Blind Ranking: Relationship Red Flags (12:34–22:13)

• Segment Format: Pat, Mike, and Gene blind-rank nine annoying behaviors in a partner (e.g. “posting seductive pics”, “guy best friend”, “late nights”, “DMing other men”, etc.).
• Highlights:
  • Debate over what counts as “seductive” social media behavior: “That better be on my phone before it hits [IG]” (Pat, 14:17)
  • Nuanced discussion of “guy best friends,” noting most male friendships have a foundation of attraction (Pat: “80% of your male relationships… are based on attraction”—21:15).
  • On DMing other men: “That’s embarrassing… If you don’t trust your woman that bad, leave.” (Pat, 20:52)
• Memorable Moment: Pat confesses to being “tit for tat” in relationships, and would “come home at 7am with Starbucks” if his partner stayed out till 3am. (17:06)

---

6. Listener Call-Ins: Laughs, Shock, and Wild Stories (25:02–46:59)

a. 5 Kids at 21 (26:05–33:40)

• Jaw-Dropper: A listener, newly 21, reveals he has 5 kids with 3 different women—none older than 1 year.
• Story Includes: Infidelity, wronged baby mamas, chaos, and drama, including one baby mama being in jail.
  • Quote (Pat, 29:32): “Oh my God… You’re down 40 points in the fourth quarter, bro.”
  • Quote (Mike, 32:12): "What's your plan to make sure you're taking care of all five of your kids...?"
• Advice segment: Both urge him to stop watching their podcast and “go watch a finance channel," and plead for him to get a vasectomy ("Cut it off, bro." – 33:45).

b. Wild Pickup Lines & Dating Fails

• Listeners share their worst dating app openers:
  • “Girl, you so bad, I gotta suck your dad just to see where you came from.” (35:12)
  • Another failsafe: “Are you part of the Cream Team or the Squirt Squad?” (54:56)
  • Fertilized eggs pickup line: “I bet I know how you like your eggs in the morning—fertilized.” (52:12)
• Notable Reaction: Mike and Pat express dismay, disbelief, and amusement (“I like where you willing…” Pat, 35:47).

c. Listener Relationship Drama

• One caller admits cheating on his girlfriend and justifies it with “the power of God” and intuition (47:05)
• Another shares that he was stabbed by his ex (now current girlfriend again) with scissors, but explains, “people change, people grow—you gotta give them more opportunities.” (42:10)

---

7. Internet & Pop Culture Commentary (57:29–63:15)

• Viral “Generosity Videos”: Debating whether acts of kindness should be filmed for social media; Mike is ambivalent, Pat only wants it for "life-changing" moments like buying someone a house (57:04).
• Desmond & Christy (The Scotts) TikTok Breakup: Analysis of why viral couple breakups fascinate people; discussion of infidelity, the effect of fame on relationships, and rumors about Jehovah’s Witness divorce rules (59:00–61:54).
  • Quote (Pat, 60:31): “There are attractive women… that don’t give a fuck that you in a relationship—and will also help you hide it.”

---

8. Deep-ish Relationship & Societal Takes (63:15–68:14)

• “Being Sneaky vs. Being Private”: Differentiating between justified privacy and hiding things in relationships—Gene notes, "It becomes sneaky when you know they're going to feel some way about it." (64:51)
• “Gaslighting” and Internet Language: Pat and Mike bemoan how therapy buzzwords like “gaslighting” and “narcissist” get thrown around for minor conflicts. (66:29–68:14)
  • Quote (Mike, 66:29): "I think it's time to retire the word gaslighting... it just means you remember things differently now."
  • Quote (Pat, 67:40): “Technically we've all been the narcissist before... we've all been toxic before.”

---

9. Miscellaneous Twitter Jokes, Linguistics, and Final Banter (68:14–79:20)

• Internet Roast Culture: Recounting tales of witty, ruthless comment sections—"There’s too many witty people out there.” (69:28)
• Car Naming/Life Choices: Twitter joke dissected: “Nissan Juke” as “an agile car” (73:39)
• Pronunciation Debate: Laughs about how “longevity” is (mis)pronounced—Pat and Mike dramatically over-enunciate Gs.
• Final DM-of-the-Week: Someone asks if Pat would “suck John” at gunpoint—hosts agree, listeners who pose these questions just “want to suck dick” (77:52).
• Closing Motivations: The guys hype subscribing, aspiring to be "overrated,” and “say some shit in front of a crowd of 50,000 that’s not funny at all—everybody dying laughing.” (79:13)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On relationship trust & "best friends":
  • Pat (21:15): “80% of your male relationships… are based on because they're attracted to you, and they only sitting there because they're attracted to you.” (about women with guy friends)
• On internet drama and therapy-speak:
  • Mike (66:29): “It's time to retire the word gaslighting... it just means you remember things differently now.”
  • Pat (67:40): “We've all been the narcissist before... we've all been toxic before.”
• Jaw-dropping call-in:
  • Pat (29:32): “You’re down 40 points in the fourth quarter, bro.”
  • Mike (32:12): "What's your plan to make sure you're taking care of all five of your kids...?"
• On TikTok couple breakups:
  • Pat (60:31): “Attractive women don’t care if you’re in a relationship—they’ll help you hide it from your significant other.”

---

Episode Highlights & Memorable Moments

• Listener with 5 kids at age 21: Earnest, shocking, and hilarious, emblematic of the podcast’s unique “real calls, real people” flavor.
• Pat’s relationship ranking game: Combines wild hypothetical scenarios with unfiltered, honest relationship takes.
• Pickup Line Call-Ins: A parade of truly unhinged (and hilarious) first messages.
• Social Commentary: The hosts’ willingness to critique celebrity culture, therapy buzzwords, and online interactions keeps the conversation sharp yet accessible.

---

Key Timestamps

• 02:24: Listener feedback ("dude on the right" with the infectious laugh)
• 05:27–08:38: Zion Williamson's public struggles, fame, and “horny” mistakes
• 12:45–22:13: Blind relationship red flags ranking
• 26:05–33:40: Call-in: Five kids at 21 years old
• 35:12–46:59: Call-ins: worst dating app pickup lines, relationship confessions
• 57:29–59:00: “Generosity” on social media, positive/negative content dynamics
• 59:00–61:54: Desmond & Christy breakup (TikTok drama & faith/religion angle)
• 64:00–66:29: Sneaky vs. private in relationships
• 66:29–68:14: “Gaslighting” and pop psychology on the internet
• 73:39: Twitter joke dissected—Nissan Juke’s name
• 77:52: Final wild DM-of-the-week

---

Final Thoughts

Episode 241 of Crash Dummies Podcast delivers the unpredictable storytelling, sharp pop culture observations, relatable takes, and high-energy banter that long-time listeners expect. Through stories that range from wild to downright unbelievable, Pat and Mike keep the tone irreverent and hilarious, ensuring every segment is both eye-opening and laugh-out-loud funny.

Transcript

[TaxAct Announcer]

Taxact knows filing taxes can be confusing. So we have live experts on hand who can help answer any questions you may have. Questions like, can I claim my SUV is my home office? If I answer work emails in my car? If I adopted 12 dogs this year, can I list them as dependents? And am I doing this right or am I doing this very, very wrong? Our experts have the answers to those questions and many others. Tax Act. Let's get them over with.

[Pat]

Why you pull the trigger?

[Mike]

That's how.

[Pat]

That's how them old school rappers used to be.

[Mike]

What?

[Pat]

Once ago, I was in the mall and I see a nickel.

[Mike]

Once ago.

[Pat]

Back in the day, I was cooling back and I seen this dude driving in the Cadillac. He started to say, who you, man? I said, man, you don't know? I'm your best friend. So we hit the mall and we. What mall was that? Oakland Mall, for a matter of fact. Be hippity hoppity here. No, but for. I was at the. I was at the restaurant the other day and a lady asked me, the waitress said, how do you want your water? And I was like, oh, I'll take a straw, a lime, and that's it. I don't want anything else to go in my water ever again. Nothing else.

[Mike]

I thought it was meant like, like still or sparkling.

[Pat]

Nah, I'm talking about. I don't want no more ice in my ice.

[Mike]

Him.

[Pat]

I ain't gonna lie. I ice different though. They punching in their mouth and it was. It was this lady that had a recorded video of her getting punched by ice. Like they just punching people and not arresting them usually if a copy. One thing I respect about cops, if they put their hands on you, they arresting you. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not about to let you leave and say I put my hands on you. Like, you know, these ice dudes, they getting out of hand, man.

[Mike]

Fuck them.

[Pat]

Fuck them, bro.

[Mike]

But anyway, welcome to crash dummies, episode 241. I'm Mike. We got Pat here, we got Gene here. I decided I'm. My point of saying I'm Mike at the beginning of the episode. Now, it makes sense now because somebody who questioned it because it's just people repeating it. But it's like this person said, the dude on the right. I love his goofy laugh. Oh, my God, this is my second time watching. And his laugh alone got me hooked. They said the guy dude on the right is just like, are you watching the pod?

[Pat]

Yeah, no, I get that though. I just. Dude on the right, yeah, it's like what you know, sometimes you at your life where you can't learn. Nobody else name you at capacity. Like you ever been going through it and just like, I just can't get to know another person. You might be a good person, man. I just ain't got it in me.

[Mike]

Oh, but. Oh, yeah. Oh. Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon. We dropped the live show on Patreon. So the whole Chicago live show live show is on patreon. It is 50 off for your first month. We got merch coming soon and we also to. To entice you guys a little bit more, we're going to be dropping on Upstairs neighbors. They're the podcast we shot with them a while ago. It's been on Patreon.

[Pat]

Shout out to the. Shout out to the ladies.

[Mike]

Shout out to them.

[Pat]

That was a good episode. Fun episode, fun crossover episode under, you know, tmg. Shout out to tmg.

[Mike]

Jason, we're gonna drop that on Saturday. Merch coming soon.

[Pat]

Yes, sir. Packers choke.

[Mike]

Yes, sir.

[Pat]

Let's go. You know, to sometimes, like, okay. I feel like if I lived in Chicago, yeah, I would be a Bears fan by now. Like, at least like every game that they played. Not against the Lions. Yeah, but living in Wisconsin, it's very hard to be a Packers fan, bro. Like, these are like some, you know, some of the best fans in the world. But I feel like what comes with the territory of having the best fans in the world is y' all got some really dumb fucking fans around this bitch. I heard somebody in the bathroom like, man, we need to get rid of Jordan Love and keep Malik Willis. I said, yeah, brother. Put the fries in the bag, nigga.

[Mike]

Oh, staying on sports. Zion Williams.

[Pat]

Zion Williamson.

[Mike]

Williamson. Yeah, I don't really care.

[Pat]

I have it.

[Mike]

Williams on my phone because I think I was tired of trying to spell his last name. Yeah, but man, there's. Is there a level of horniness that like, you can't like, remove?

[Pat]

I just think he's. He's in a. He's in a rare position.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because he's an athlete. Which means, like, I don't know, athletes are surrounded by bad women. You know, there's a lot of women that bad.

[Mike]

You mean like good looking women or just bad in, like, characteristics?

[Pat]

Bad in characteristics. Like bad character women. Because some of the women around there, you know, they go to games only to hook up with the players. And some of them maybe want a relationship, but some of them also just want what comes with being around that NBA player, which would be like, oh, he randomly gonna send me $10,000. Because they do got a lot of money and Zion has a lot of money. And he's in a rare position because if you pay attention to his high school tape, he's going against like five, six white kids all through his high school tape. So that shows you what type of conference he's in, what type of area he lived in. Zion probably didn't get around women until he was already famous.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So he doesn't even know who truly likes him. Like, he don't know the game. He don't know when he's being plotted on. So if you see him in a video with the only fans model, he's setting up the tv. Like, you don't got to do that.

[Mike]

So com. He's too comfortable.

[Pat]

You got 100 million, what you setting up a fire stick for?

[Mike]

Like Ben says, Zion Williamson is an example of why it's important to experience hoes before you get some real money.

[Pat]

Real, bro. At least like not. Not even to say hoes, but like at least experience women wanting you.

[Mike]

But he's been popular for a while. Like he was NBA bound since he was in high school.

[Pat]

It ain't about that though. It's about the how instantly it happened, though.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, it was like as soon as he turned 18 and committed to Duke, it was women at his cap. And it's. It's almost been every year there's been something that comes out about Zion. Like, you horny every year. You ain't never took a year off since you've been 18. Just horny shit after horny shit.

[Mike]

I don't even think it's about like, obviously it's horny shit, but it's also like this is gonna be sound like body shaming or something like that. But it's just the type of woman sometimes that it's like the. The. The super bbls. Yeah, like the. The bbls that don't. The thighs don't match bbos.

[Pat]

There's somebody, but it's somebody for everybody. There is somebody that's just his preference and what he like getting at, you.

[Mike]

Know, I'm just saying there's. There's. You can still get like escorts and the ones that don't talk or post you and expose you online. It's just like the mental thing to if to be Zion Williamson and a girl's recording the View and everything. It's like, bro, why are you that comfortable?

[Pat]

But I also think that's the type of woman that he's attracted to.

[Mike]

That's true too.

[Pat]

It has to be. Because I feel like that comes with the attitude of a woman because I used to not be where he at. I was never that horny. But when I was.

[Mike]

Why you keep saying he's that horny though? Huh? Why you keep saying he's that horny? Isn't it because of you talked about Mariah Mills in this pod.

[Pat]

But like horniness I feel like to be so horny it blinds you from things like somebody recording your whole house.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like they're so horny and so worried about setting the mood. You not even looking at her recording your whole house. And you've already been in this situation before so you would think you would be on 10 about it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

The, the thing I say was was him up is that he must like the very aggressive woman. It's almost like the woman that's treating him like a little boy from the get go no matter his money. Like I feel like if a woman came up to me him respectfully like hey how you doing? Let's go on the dates he probably would have been like ah. But if a woman came up to him like me, you, your house do what the I say he like he.

[Gene]

Said he got mama issues.

[Pat]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I wouldn't put it that far but. But the got anime Air Force one. So it's just like.

[Mike]

I saw somebody said we he had the. The anime Air Force ones, the anime pants and the. The shirt and they said this fit told me everything. Exactly everything I need to know about Zion.

[Pat]

You know if it was just shirt, pants and shoes I might let it slide. But there was also a vest involved. I'm pretty sure.

[Mike]

I think so.

[Pat]

I think he had a vest on right there.

[Mike]

The, that third one right there.

[Pat]

Is that a vest?

[Mike]

Yeah. Okay. It was a vest.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. Like. Like a had a vet like an anime vest on. Like you had to go out of your way. Like the pants I could see like okay, maybe find them on E or some collectors. The shoes, same thing. Custom shoes. A vest. You got that custom made somewhere. Yeah.

[Mike]

Just diabolical.

[Pat]

And it's not even a good fit.

[Unknown Speaker E]

That's the thing.

[Mike]

It's not even because it has anime. Cuz I've seen like hand painted jackets and stuff like that with anime characters on it.

[Pat]

I mean Zion just a bad dressing ass and that's okay. Like and you know what I'm saying I'm not the best dressed person ever but I Best dress way better than this. The one thing I will say, I don't like putting people below me in any aspect in life, but God damn, I take the cake on this one. Zion good looks. I saw a post that TMZ posted, which I'm not. I'm not really rocking with tmz. They posted Cooper De Jean's brother. Cooper Jean's a defensive back from the Eagles.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Whatever.

[Pat]

Not even, like, crazy famous person. They posted that his brother got a owi, and it was just like, we getting to the point where these news articles are reaching so bad for news that they're taking people who aren't even A list celebrities, B list celebrities, or C list celebrities, and then they're finding their family members and posting about them. Like, imagine that. Like, if we ever get that famous, I'm fucked. My family in the news every week. Cousin of Patrick Johnson slaps the shit out of bartender for the fifth time this week. Damn. How the fuck is this in the news?

[Mike]

I think I'd be good.

[Pat]

You think you'd be good?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You ain't got no brother that's like Jackson Mahomes.

[Mike]

Nah, not my brother. My brothers are pretty chill.

[Pat]

Your brothers are pretty chill, bro.

[Mike]

They're just floating in the. In the shadows.

[Pat]

Your brother lied, though.

[Mike]

What?

[Pat]

I want to put this. There was a. There was a thing when we had our live show, and it was a sticker, and it said, I love pogs. And I asked him, I was like, do you know what this means? And he never looked at it. And he said, no. You didn't even look at it, bro.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Hey, you seen the people going to the Diamond Gym?

[Pat]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

That the Diamond Gym has become like a tourist trap.

[Pat]

I with it.

[Mike]

No, I with it, too. But I think it's just interesting that. That a lot of celebrities and people go there to do random reps of things and get yelled at.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. The workouts don't make sense. No, for sure. It's about. It's about strength, and it's like more.

[Mike]

Of a mental thing.

[Pat]

Yes, definitely. Strength and, like, durability.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Some of the ways that they have. I'm just like, nigga, what if I can't let this do what? Like, I do laps? You got to do the hill, nigga. If I do the heel slow, I.

[Mike]

Think for me is, like, kudos to those dudes. Like, they're doing their thing. Obviously something, you know, they get a lot of views, but I feel like I just never been the type of person that, like, responds well to people yelling at me to, like, do something.

[Pat]

I love that. I'm not gonna lie.

[Mike]

I love it. I love it in a sense. It's like, especially in boxing or hitting the bag, it's like they're talking like, all right, let's go. Let's do that. Type, like, push this and that. But I'm not the type of one that's like, get your soft ass up this and that. It's like, when it's like insults, it's not like.

[Pat]

I love that.

[Mike]

You got. You, like. You like people talking dirty to you, man.

[Pat]

Love that, bro. Like, who you calling the. Like, not. I feel that. Like, that. That's my type of gym. The only thing I don't like is just like, when are we gonna start doing legs around this? Just walking over that, dude. Deadlift, I think run into the gym and push and bump all of us over. Now we all on the floor. Who did that?

[Mike]

Jump all over, like, pins and.

[Pat]

No, no, for real. Okay, I got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Okay, I got nine of them. I don't know where the tenth one at, but nine. We gonna blind rank, okay? Playing blind ranking, Okay? I want you to blind rank these nine things that your spouse can do to annoy you.

[Mike]

Okay? Okay, what are we doing? What. What numbers we blind ranking? One to five.

[Pat]

One through one through nine. Nine things. Okay, okay, okay. The first one laughs a bit too much about another guy's jokes.

[Mike]

Put that, like, at 6.

[Pat]

You used to it, though? Yeah, like any. Any girl you ever brought around me. You know what I'm saying? They cackling. And I'll be testing them out, too, for you. You know what I'm saying? Because there's some, you know, I'd be having in my notes, like, okay, if she laugh at that, I gotta tell my boy, this ain't the one.

[Mike]

Turn to a comedian.

[Pat]

I do actually turn this comedian. All right. Gets a lot of attention on social media.

[Mike]

Put that last.

[Pat]

Last, right?

[Mike]

Yeah, I'll put a nine.

[Pat]

What about you? Damn, Gene, you gonna skip the thing?

[Gene]

Okay, I agree with 6.

[Mike]

Can you put the numbers down for me so I know what I got left?

[Gene]

Yeah, I got you. I agree with 6 for the first one. Okay, Social media attention.

[Mike]

Where do you put that?

[Pat]

You put that last? Yeah, last, okay, Yeah, I mean, that's gonna.

[Gene]

That's gonna happen. I'll say seven.

[Mike]

Seven.

[Pat]

Oh, she be leaving room.

[Mike]

That's smart, though. That is smart.

[Pat]

No, that's smart.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Six, seven. All right, the next one is Post seductive pictures on social media.

[Gene]

I ain't playing with five. I was warming up.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Gene]

I'll say three.

[Pat]

Three.

[Mike]

I was gonna say three.

[Unknown Speaker E]

Two.

[Pat]

Okay, okay. My only thing is with seductive pictures. Like, I don't care if you love your body, you love your body. That better be on my phone before it hits.

[Gene]

Yeah, it can't be some new.

[Pat]

It can't be like, I can't be in a gym and then get a call from Mike like, yo, bro, you see what your girl posted? Like, nah, I see what the.

[Gene]

They already got likes and comments.

[Pat]

Yeah, I got likes and comments.

[Mike]

Caption would have to, like, really matter about, like, the picture.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Because, you know, like, beach pictures are beach pictures and like that. But it was like a. If it's like a ash ass pick on the beach and said, I know you wish you were here. Some like that. It's just like, what?

[Pat]

Who are you talking about? All right, all right. Hugs other guys during a greeting.

[Mike]

I put that eight. Eight.

[Pat]

Really low. Is it a type of hug? I really don't care. There's. There's no hug that a girl can do to a guy that would offend me unless she jumped up into the arms and he got the air.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I missed you so much.

[Mike]

It's really the dude too. Like, if the dude, like, hugs your girl and then picks her up a little bit, then it's like, okay.

[Pat]

He trying to lean back. Trying to slide in there.

[Gene]

I'm gonna say five.

[Pat]

Five.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

G. A little high head, bro. Yeah, sometimes. All right. Goes to the club with her friend group.

[Mike]

That's low. Two for me.

[Pat]

That's low. I love that.

[Mike]

Eight. Seven.

[Pat]

Yeah, that would have been. That would have been low on my list. I would have put that all with. Please go out with your friends. Yeah, I love a girl with some friends. Go out with your friends. The whole group.

[Gene]

Yeah, I know her friends.

[Pat]

Stay out till 3am 4am I don't give a. I'm. I'm on the game right now.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

All right. It might actually be 8. I might have up. Okay. Always comes home late.

[Mike]

Always. It's. That's very open ended, though. Like.

[Pat]

Well, let's.

[Mike]

Let's say. Let's say. Let's say.

[Pat]

Let's say. Let's say 2:30.

[Mike]

Do with a job.

[Pat]

Has nothing to do with a job.

[Gene]

Late. Yeah, it's like, not when. Like after. After she said she was gonna, you know.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Got to be late to you.

[Mike]

Right?

[Gene]

You know, after your partner said they was going.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, we all we got the same preferences up here.

[Mike]

No, just.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Just for.

[Gene]

Just for everybody listening so they can relate to it.

[Mike]

That'll be middle of the pack 5.

[Pat]

Middle of the pack.

[Gene]

Always is crazy.

[Pat]

Always is crazy. Always is crazy, bro.

[Mike]

I think it's very hard because of me already being in relationships. I'm thinking I have to think of like a hypothetical girl that I'm not in a relationship with. The thing about, like, if I'm thinking about what not, it's like, there's. There has to be a good reason for it.

[Pat]

I just don't like being put in position because I'm a tit for tat ass person. And that's my biggest flaw in a relationship. I'm very tit for tat and I'm trying to work on that. So if you coming home late, which is 2:33am I'm coming home at 7am with a Starbucks coffee. Like, hey, I was last night.

[Mike]

What the.

[Gene]

No, no. My timing be bad. Sometimes I just be like, oh, I'm leaving in 15 minutes.

[Mike]

Like, you can.

[Gene]

I guess you can come home 15 minutes late.

[Pat]

Where do you got that? Middle of the past for me. Okay. Has a guy best friend.

[Mike]

That's low for me too.

[Gene]

Usually the guy best friend is a gay best friend.

[Pat]

So you.

[Mike]

And usually it's like, if it's a guy best friend. No guy best friend after we started.

[Pat]

Dating, like, she can't pick up a guy friend, but she can pick up a girlfriend. No, no, she contradicting yourself.

[Mike]

No, no, no. She can pick up a guy. A guy friend. But a guy best friend. A guy turn into a best friend after you already dated.

[Pat]

How long. How long do he get by? Let's say he's been around like he started being her friend and you was cool. He kind of your friend too.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And then they develop. Like how long they got? What are they there for four years? Can that be her best friend?

[Mike]

No. I don't have a problem with a guy best friend, though. Like, if somebody, especially somebody before me, like, I can't control that. That's your best friend.

[Pat]

That's before. It's just like, bro, if y' all been. Y' all can. I mean, I guess y' all still. It's cool with me. Yeah, y' all got longevity, man. I'm not here to ruin bro here to be a part of the team.

[Mike]

But to like to be a. A guy best friend after is just a lot. I think it would be the same for me to develop a new girl best friend after we Started dating. It's just like I spending a lot. It's just a lot of time to be spent in a lot of like.

[Pat]

Just be real, bro.

[Mike]

What?

[Gene]

Yeah. Where are you gonna put it?

[Pat]

Just be real. Just be real. Just be real.

[Mike]

6.

[Pat]

You're lying.

[Gene]

That was your first answer.

[Mike]

Yeah, that was.

[Pat]

Yeah, you already.

[Mike]

I got a seven.

[Gene]

No, you already use seven.

[Pat]

You six, seven.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Four.

[Pat]

You really gotta bump it up. Yeah. The thing about it is, like, everybody's gonna, like, run away from this question, but it's really based on attractiveness in.

[Gene]

In the.

[Pat]

And if you view that person as a threat. Yeah.

[Gene]

What they're interested in.

[Pat]

Yeah. Just like, you know, I'm saying this person, if he a dj, and. And like, oh, I'm going to talk with my boy best friend. He djing at such and such. And then she popping in at 4am and just like, all right, let's see what time that DJ next week. Oh, my God, the DJ got shot.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Ow.

[Unknown Speaker G]

Ow.

[Pat]

Okay, so this the next one writes or DMS other guys on some friend on some friendly stuff. But DMs other guys.

[Mike]

What I got left? I got. Do I got any low numbers left?

[Gene]

You only got one and two.

[Mike]

Oh, man. I would have to put that too.

[Pat]

Well, choose you. I'm hip.

[Mike]

The last.

[Gene]

The last one is probably. I ain't gonna lie.

[Mike]

That's why I've been trying to save mine. Because I'm like. I don't want to like. Nah.

[Gene]

Just no. Hell no.

[Mike]

No, that's.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

What about you, fat?

[Pat]

What.

[Mike]

What would you put that word?

[Pat]

This Rank.

[Mike]

Yeah. I know you haven't been ranking like.

[Pat]

Like, regular dms with other guys. My. So my thing is, any way that I'm a.

[Gene]

No is if. Dude, what if you know a coming up to me and saying, yo, your girl DM'd me type. Because I'm not trying to go through her phone and I'm not even looking for this.

[Pat]

You're right on track. That's my only problem.

[Gene]

And that's crazy.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Gene]

Because you're out there like that. That's embarrassing.

[Pat]

As if you with your girl. You with your girl, right? And you're supposed to trust her. You're supposed to trust her. All this, like, not trusting your girl is like, bad for your health. If you don't trust your woman that bad, leave. Yeah, but it gets to the point of like, we know guys because we hang with those guys. Maybe some of us used to be those guys. Like, being in the DMs, we know a lot of guys are just some wait and see us niggas.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And they just wait and see it. And they're only like I would say, man, Ladies, I'm sorry to tell you this. About 80% of your male relationships, and I might be being generous, are based on because they're attracted to you, and they only sitting there because they're attracted to you.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

Absolutely. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to break it to you, but what is.

[Mike]

The guy's already in a relationship waiting. You think so?

[Pat]

Sometimes. Sometimes it's not always waiting until that woman gets out of relationship. Sometimes it could be like they don't even know either. It's in the back of their mind, they in a relationship, the girl in a relationship, everything fine. And then in five years, somehow they both single. Now he's shooting a shot at you because he was always attracted to you. Because that's how most. I feel like that friendship starts. It's just like there was some attraction by one person and that's what got them close. And another person was just like, I don't know about all that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And all of a sudden, he your best friend and out of here.

[Mike]

What was the last one?

[Pat]

Have sex with other people. You smart, man. I hate smart. Right?

[Mike]

I knew it.

[Pat]

Oh, man. Yo, let's take a quick break from today's podcast and thank the sponsor. Heel. Okay, like when I'm out and about and I'm working out, I just dropped off my son. I haven't had anything to eat that he will. That's in my backpack. Gonna get it done every single time.

[Mike]

That's why we both started using this high protein starter kit from Huel. It's five Black edition ready to drinks, plus the Black edition chocolate powder. And it's honestly the first thing that's made it easy for me to stay consistent. On days I'm running out the door or heading to the gym, I just grab a Black Edition Ready to drink. It's a complete meal. 35 grams of protein, 27 essential vitamins and minerals, and no artificial sweeteners. Plus, it's shockingly filling for something that I didn't have to prep, and it tastes amazing.

[Pat]

Then on days when I'm home or I want something thicker or colder or just a little bit more customizable, I use a black edition powder. Sometimes I make a whole smoothie situation, and other times I just shake it with water. It still hits that protein goal that I'm aiming for, having both the ready to drink and the powder in my kitchen. Keeps me from falling off my routine. Honestly, it just makes hitting your protein goes a lot less stressful.

[Mike]

Get heels full high protein starter kit online with our code CRASH20 for 20% [e-mail] CRASH20 new customers only. Thank you Huel for partnering and supporting our show. Now back to the podcast.

[Pat]

Yo, let's thank today's sponsor of the podcast. Earn it. Life doesn't happen bi weekly, so watch your payday. The money you've earned should be in your hands. And with earning, it can be.

[Mike]

Earn is an app that lets you access your pay as you earn it. Up to 150 a day with a max of a thousand dollars between paydays. Just download the earning app and add your info. Then start accessing your pay as you work and leave an optional tip to help keep the app running for everyone. Any money you access plus tips are automatically repaid from your next paycheck.

[Pat]

Make earning a part of your financial routine and join earnings over 4 million customers making any day a payday. Having earning at the right time, right place, right situation will help you get through it.

[Mike]

Download Earning today spelled E A R N I N in the Google Play or Apple App Store. When you download the earning app, type in Crash Dummies under Podcast when you sign up. It'll really help the show. That's Crash Dummies under Podcast. Earning is a financial technology company, not a bank. Access limits are based on your earnings and risk factors.

[Pat]

Standard cash outs take one to two business days with no mandatory fees. Expedited transfers available for a fee. Tips are voluntary and don't affect the service available in select states. Terms and restrictions apply. Visit earning.com for full details. Download Earning now and take control of your pay. Yo, what it do?

[Mike]

What it do?

[Unknown Speaker H]

Not much, man.

[Mike]

Chilling. Chilling.

[Unknown Speaker H]

This crazy on the pod.

[Mike]

Yes, sir.

[Pat]

Crazy.

[Mike]

I got a question for you. What's the worst opening line you used on an app?

[Unknown Speaker H]

The worst line I use on the up.

[Pat]

Yeah, you.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Damn say. I was just on some trolls. Ask somebody there. They know how to scream without the S. You know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

If they know how to do what.

[Unknown Speaker H]

They know how to scream without the.

[Mike]

S.

[Unknown Speaker H]

I was also trolling.

[Mike]

For real? For real.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Just some troll type. Hell yeah, man.

[Pat]

Hey, for offer. You got anything to say, brother? We about to. We about to hang up, so you might as well say what you got to say.

[Mike]

Would you rather ask him to. Would you rather.

[Pat]

Yo, yo, I got. Would you rather. For you.

[Unknown Speaker H]

All right. Bet, bet, bet.

[Pat]

All right. Would you rather marry your ex or work the first job you ever had forever.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Damn. Do I get to pick which ex or.

[Pat]

Nah, your last one.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Damn. Yeah, I'm working my last job.

[Unknown Speaker F]

I can't.

[Unknown Speaker H]

I can't do that.

[Pat]

What's wrong with your last ex?

[Unknown Speaker H]

Well, to be honest, I. Damn. So I don't even remember which one it was, man. I got a. I got a lot of going on, man. I don't even know if I can claim it as my ex.

[Pat]

What happened? You know, we a safe place.

[Unknown Speaker H]

All right, so. Damn. All right, so I got like three BMs, like right? And crazy. I started talking to them. I started talking to the was my bm, she was talking to another.

[Unknown Speaker F]

So.

[Mike]

So you say. Wait, say that again.

[Unknown Speaker H]

All right, so my BM started talking to another dude. So why she was talking to him? I started talking to another girl on my birthday. Got this pregnant. Oh my God. She told my crib up. She broke my window, broke my computer.

[Pat]

Because you got pregnant. I'm confused, bro. All right, so you got three baby mamas, right?

[Unknown Speaker H]

Huh?

[Pat]

Okay, is this. So this is your first baby mama?

[Unknown Speaker H]

So this is my.

[Unknown Speaker E]

No, this.

[Unknown Speaker H]

She gonna make my. My last. My third baby mama.

[Pat]

That's what you said the first two times. So what do you mean you got. She got pregnant on your birthday. Did she?

[Unknown Speaker H]

The first day we link we like the first. We've linked one times. We whatever. Got it over with. A couple weeks later she told us to see pregnant.

[Mike]

It's funny when dudes say that. Like they didn't like. Like they didn't like when you have sex with unprotected sex, you know that's what happens, right?

[Unknown Speaker H]

No, but I pull G. I pulled out.

[Mike]

That's famous last words, bro. Go ahead.

[Pat]

How you get the first two BMs? I hate that word too.

[Unknown Speaker H]

My. For my first one, I was on some homeless ass man. Met a girl, you know. Got it. Things happened to me her start talking whatever.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Had a baby.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Damn it. Says one girl I knew since basically I was young as hell. We just recently had a baby a year ago that I made mine second kid. I got five kids all together.

[Pat]

How old are you?

[Unknown Speaker H]

Just turning 21.

[Pat]

Oh my God.

[Mike]

Usually. Hey.

[Pat]

Holy no, you're down 40 points in the fourth quarter, bro. They to take a D. So you got five.

[Mike]

You got five kids? Three baby M, three baby moms.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Yes.

[Pat]

And you're 21?

[Unknown Speaker H]

Yeah, just turned 21.

[Mike]

How's your oldest kid?

[Unknown Speaker H]

One.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Mike]

Oh my gosh.

[Pat]

So you got a one year old. What's younger Than that.

[Unknown Speaker H]

All right, so I got two more year olds, a four month old, and I got twins. That's on three months.

[Mike]

Wow.

[Pat]

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

[Unknown Speaker H]

The girl that. That's in jail, she's awesome. She pregnant again.

[Pat]

The girl that's in jail.

[Mike]

Wait, what? Who went to jail? What the is going on? What kind of roster do you have?

[Unknown Speaker H]

Oh, my God. The girl that I said broke my. That, that my crib up. I sent her ass to jail.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Cause I got.

[Mike]

I got.

[Unknown Speaker H]

I can't take no chance. I can't go to jail. I'm trying to get all my kids. I try to get custody all my kids. So I can't go to jail. I had to set her ass up there.

[Pat]

Oh, no. Okay. You know what's crazy is I never thought I'd meet a person like this. Like, this is God's strongest soldier right here.

[Mike]

This has to be a for sure.

[Pat]

This is him. You the man. You need to like, get a vasectomy, though, like, real.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Oh, I'm not. I'm not having no more until I get married or something.

[Pat]

Raps on the bears.

[Unknown Speaker H]

No, no, no, no. I'm down. No, no, I'm gonna settle down. When I settle down, I'm gonna give me a nice love. Nice little wife, bro.

[Mike]

Get it?

[Pat]

He said he gonna get a side piece. This is stupid, bro. No, he's cooked.

[Mike]

Oh, he said about the settle down.

[Pat]

Five kids at 21. Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker H]

You know, you gotta have a big family, man.

[Pat]

You are like.

[Mike]

You're like, man, that is rough. I can't imagine five kids now.

[Pat]

What do you do for a living?

[Unknown Speaker H]

I'm a cook.

[Pat]

A cook. Okay.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Are you, like, working? Like, what's your plan to make sure you're taking care of all five of your kids and you have custody of them and you make sure they all getting what they need.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Oh, well, I'm doing pretty good. I'm doing pretty good.

[Pat]

I would say that.

[Mike]

But.

[Unknown Speaker H]

I got my own place working.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Always been working.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Since I had my. Since I had my first kid. I'm working on getting.

[Pat]

No, keep going though.

[Unknown Speaker H]

But yeah, I'm working on getting something bigger so I can get all my kids in one place. You know what I'm saying, man?

[Mike]

More power, too.

[Unknown Speaker H]

I didn't want to say I'm a big fan. I've been watching y' all since episode 100 and up. Yeah, this crazy. And I really think I was gonna.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Can I give you some advice?

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker H]

What's up?

[Pat]

Stop watching us, like, go, like, go Watch some.

[Mike]

Go watch a finance channel.

[Pat]

Yeah, like some stock market, some.

[Mike]

Like some meditation.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Oh, I'll be paying for the patreon, too.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Say that for them kids.

[Mike]

Kids, yeah, yeah, definitely.

[Pat]

They. They need all the resources they can get. That is crazy, bro. 21.

[Mike]

Now the podcast might really be called Five Kids at 21.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy, bro.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Hey, man, you gotta. Gotta start somewhere, man.

[Mike]

All right, bro, just slow down, bro.

[Unknown Speaker H]

All right? I'm dope right now.

[Mike]

No, bro, like, actually, like, vasectomy, bro.

[Pat]

Like, cut it off, bro.

[Mike]

You know, you can, like. Yeah, yeah, you can reattach it and.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Nah, nah, I. I ain't trying to.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Go through all that.

[Pat]

Nah, man, you about to go through.

[Mike]

Or just wear a condom.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Oh, Mike, I do have a. A question.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Any advice will be coming like a box. Like a professional boxing. Because I do box.

[Mike]

When did you start boxing.

[Unknown Speaker F]

About.

[Unknown Speaker H]

I ain't really get into it about, like, six months ago, but I've been into it for about a year.

[Mike]

I. I would just keep. Keep. Start amateur. Like, do it. Do, like, a local Golden Glove or something.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Damn, that city. Small as hell.

[Mike]

And honestly, you shouldn't be. You shouldn't want to be a professional boxer, bro. Find, like, an actual job. Going to pay, bro. You got five kids, bro.

[Unknown Speaker H]

I know. I'm still working this, but I'm.

[Mike]

You don't need no brain damage, brother. Take care of them kids.

[Unknown Speaker F]

All right?

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying.

[Mike]

All right, bro.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yeah, brother, Chill.

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash Podcast.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Appreciate it.

[Unknown Speaker E]

Appreciate it.

[Unknown Speaker F]

How you going?

[Mike]

Pretty good. Pretty good. Oh, damn. I got a question for you. What's the worst opening date? What's the worst opening line on a dating app?

[Unknown Speaker F]

All right, so, girl, you so bad I gotta suck your dad just to see where you came from?

[Pat]

This is a line from you.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker F]

This line from me.

[Pat]

Okay, repeat it, because I'm ready to beat you.

[Unknown Speaker F]

I know it's lit out there. I cold for Martin, but not, girl, you so bad, I gotta suck your dad just to see where you came from.

[Pat]

I like, were you willing?

[Unknown Speaker F]

I know it's a little out there.

[Pat]

I know it's out there.

[Mike]

A little out there. It's not even. Like, there's not downplay like that. That's crazy.

[Pat]

It's crazy. It's like Jupiter, but, like. Okay, so was that just a line to be different? Crazy way to be different. But is that a line to be different, or are you willing to complete that line, like, actually put it to action?

[Unknown Speaker F]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Mike]

It was just.

[Unknown Speaker F]

It was just gonna be different just to get her, you know what I mean? A little response type.

[Mike]

What was her response to that?

[Unknown Speaker F]

It went good. It went good to be fair. Nah. No, it didn't go good.

[Mike]

Oh, I would ass.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Well, she told me to send her some bread. So she's unusual.

[Pat]

She just extorted you right off the bat?

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

I'll get to this. She was she threatening to post a message that you sent? Is that how she got money from you?

[Unknown Speaker F]

No, no, she was just saying, send us some bread. Though she does have regularity to one bread.

[Mike]

Did you send it?

[Unknown Speaker F]

You know what I mean? Transactional type relationship. Nah, I ain't respond.

[Mike]

So you would have sucked her dad's dick for no reason? Why did your head go to that? Why did your head go there, though? Like, what was your thought process behind that line? Why did you hear somewhere before, why'd.

[Pat]

Your head go to her dad?

[Mike]

Not.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Nah. So, like, I was at work. Great. Homie was talking about this, and I was like, you know what? I'm give it a shot type.

[Mike]

Wait, how did this conversation. How did the conversation start at work? Like.

[Unknown Speaker F]

So, like, we was chilling at work on off time, and bro was talking about, like, pickup lines and all that. I was talking about picking. I was with him. So he brought that up, and I was like, you know, I'm. Give it a shot. I gave it a shot and it went a good response. She's wanted some bread. I was like, you know what? I'm gonna leave it alone.

[Pat]

So your homie was like, bro, you know how you really can stand out? Why don't you try to suck her daddy dick? Like, does that sound good to you, bro?

[Unknown Speaker F]

Like, you.

[Pat]

You and your homie, you're talking about sucking another man's dick to get his daughter's attention. Where is the community at this? Hey, man, we was.

[Unknown Speaker H]

We was on one that day.

[Unknown Speaker F]

I ain't gonna lie.

[Pat]

Probably on each other. Hey, I can't put past you, brother. Don't talk about no A now.

[Mike]

I don't know.

[Unknown Speaker F]

All right, cool.

[Unknown Speaker H]

What you call me cold.

[Unknown Speaker F]

You like Cole from Martin?

[Pat]

Oh, you. Oh, you're saying I look like him?

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker H]

You never watch Cole?

[Unknown Speaker F]

I mean, you never watch Martin?

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. I. I was trying to, like, get the reference. I thought you made a sound like him. So you said I look like him. I got you, bro.

[Mike]

All right, come on now.

[Unknown Speaker F]

My bad.

[Pat]

Call a man. Tiana Trump. That's crazy.

[Mike]

All Right, bro? You have a good one, bro. Oh, you got a message for her dad?

[Unknown Speaker F]

I'm gonna miss.

[Pat]

He shot. He said he getting straight to it when he see. He said, I got no message for that, but you know what's going on.

[Unknown Speaker F]

All right, bro, I see where shorty came from.

[Pat]

Whoa, whoa, brother. Yo, what's good?

[Mike]

What it do? What it do?

[Unknown Speaker G]

Appreciate that. Appreciate it.

[Pat]

Why are you talking about this funny? Nothing, nothing, nothing. You just got a stupid ass voice, all right? It goes question. What's something you said? Like, what's something you said? I never do that. You absolutely did.

[Mike]

Man.

[Unknown Speaker G]

Getting back with that one X.

[Pat]

Who. Who's this one X?

[Unknown Speaker G]

Nah, we was just. We was just fighting a lot and push came to shove, and one time she stabbed me. Yeah, we back now. Everything's good.

[Pat]

Okay. Okay. Stabbed you with what, though?

[Unknown Speaker F]

Scissors?

[Pat]

Did it actually puncture and cause a wound?

[Unknown Speaker G]

I mean, it was more. It was more like a slash than a stab, but still, like the same. Like, same concept.

[Mike]

For what?

[Pat]

Why did she do it.

[Unknown Speaker G]

Now? Basically, I was, like, ignoring her the whole day. And then, mind you, we wasn't even together at the time, but I was ignoring her. And then she ran, like, and found me, and she found me with another girl.

[Mike]

So. Why'd you start that sentence with I was ignoring her all day?

[Unknown Speaker G]

What you mean?

[Mike]

You just said I was ignoring her all day, and I just thought, like, it was like a normal thing that you just forgot to contact her or some because you weren't dating. So where's. Where's she. Where were you at with this other girl?

[Unknown Speaker G]

Just, it was just in my room. But listen, the thing was, it was like, bro, she was like a friend, like. Like from a long time ago.

[Pat]

Listen, you're not about to lie to us.

[Mike]

Who cares?

[Pat]

Okay, so. But how'd she find you, though? Does she break in your house? How'd she see you in the room?

[Unknown Speaker G]

Yeah, she just broke in and she.

[Pat]

Just starts stabbing you instantly with scissors?

[Unknown Speaker G]

No, no, she was, like, yelling and arguing, and then I took her to, like, the room because we was in the kitchen. And then I was, like, talking to her, trying to calm her down, and then she looked like she was calm, so I walked and I turned my back, and that's when she made her move to the scissors and grabbed them and, you know, I'm saying, went crazy.

[Pat]

How many times did she stab you?

[Unknown Speaker G]

Just once. Because after that I kind of, like, grabbed her and, like, what?

[Mike]

Okay.

[Unknown Speaker G]

Held her down.

[Mike]

I didn't want to laugh at first either. Because it's like, assault is assault. But why are you back.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Man?

[Unknown Speaker G]

That was, like, a long time ago. Like, people change. People grow. You gotta give them more opportunities.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

How's the relationship going now?

[Unknown Speaker G]

It's actually better. It's.

[Mike]

It's.

[Unknown Speaker G]

You know, we turned a new leaf. You know, things are getting. Things are looking a lot better.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. Is she near you?

[Unknown Speaker G]

No, not right now. She's out to dinner with her family.

[Mike]

Okay. Okay.

[Pat]

Are you. Are you planning on marrying her?

[Unknown Speaker G]

I'm young. I'm young.

[Pat]

So how old are you?

[Unknown Speaker G]

19.

[Mike]

How long did it take you to get back with her? Because you guys weren't even dating. So how long from the. The stabbing did you get back with her?

[Unknown Speaker G]

Well, that event happened like. Like beginning of the school year, so I want to say, like, September, and then we got back, like, December.

[Pat]

So two months after she stabbed you, y' all got back together.

[Unknown Speaker G]

That's two months. Damn. I don't even know.

[Mike]

Well, I think it might be three.

[Pat]

Two or three. Same. You know what I mean?

[Unknown Speaker G]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[Pat]

Are you scared of her? Are you scared she's gonna stab you again if y' all argue like that?

[Unknown Speaker G]

No, I mean, I'm like. I'm not like, a. Like a small dude, so I know, like, I can, like. Like, she'll never, like, be able to actually hurt me. Like, it was really just a scar, but.

[Pat]

Okay, like, let's say. Let's say. Let's say she. Like. Let's say she's out with her family right now. Right. And you're not feeling a relationship for some reason. If you call her and say it's over, do you feel safe?

[Unknown Speaker G]

I mean, I'll just have to, you know what I'm saying? You know, wash my back. But, I mean, I feel safe enough to the point where, like, I'll, like. I'll still be able to live. I'll just be more cautious, you know?

[Mike]

We're really nice. You got so much life to live, bro.

[Pat]

You need a new girl, bro. I ain't gonna lie to you.

[Mike]

I just wouldn't. Like me personally, that would have been, like, the last straw. Like, somebody's crazy enough to do that. I don't mean to call your girl crazy, but.

[Pat]

No, your girl's crazy as.

[Mike]

But if somebody's crazy enough to do that, then it's like, you never know. But you said, hey, if you trust her, you trust her, bro.

[Pat]

I'm sure you go to sleep around her. Yeah. You know, no one's happening.

[Unknown Speaker G]

You sleep Nah, y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Unknown Speaker G]

Y' all definitely had, like, something. I feel like every man goes through something with another female that is like, man, she's crazy. But, yeah, we're still. You still gotta see it through.

[Mike]

But there's, like, levels of crazy. Like, I've never been with anybody that's stabbing me like crazy ever.

[Unknown Speaker G]

So then what's the craziest thing someone has done that you've, like, just, like, yell at it?

[Mike]

Maybe even throwing stuff.

[Pat]

Yeah. Scream. Throwing stuff around me in the city, maybe I'd rather get swung on. You know what I'm saying? But to stab me, you don't. She don't know what could have happened with that scissors. What if you were uncoordinated and actually didn't it accidentally went through your heart or some shit?

[Unknown Speaker G]

I guess it's all the same. Throwing, yelling, stabbing.

[Pat]

Yeah, you whipped, brother.

[Mike]

All right, bro. Is this your first girlfriend?

[Pat]

Yeah. There it is. He ain't never had none before. Got it.

[Mike]

I promise you, brother, it gets better. Just.

[Pat]

Yeah, you ain't got to settle for that. You know what I'm saying? If you want to just take your time and it's. There's more women out there, bro.

[Mike]

All right, bro. You have a good one. Be safe. All right.

[Unknown Speaker G]

All right. See y'.

[Unknown Speaker F]

All.

[Mike]

Cook.

[Pat]

Yo.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yo, what's up, Pat?

[Pat]

Welcome to Crashing Me's podcast, bro.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Thank you, man. I appreciate you guys, man. Y', all, like, damn. Finna glaze it. Y' all like my top one podcast man.

[Pat]

Number one, baby. All right, I got a question for you.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yes, sir.

[Pat]

What's something you said? I'd never do that. You absolutely did.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Cheat on my girl, bro. See, I'm a black man, and I'm only 20 right now, but she know my girl. Gotta be the thing I said I would never do. But I did that, bro. I ain't gonna lie. I did that.

[Mike]

Did she catch you or you did?

[Unknown Speaker H]

The only reason.

[Mike]

Go ahead.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Oh, no, go ahead.

[Mike]

No, no, go ahead.

[Unknown Speaker F]

All right. So the only reason why I cheated, though, is I'm a man close to God. I feel like, hey, God, I'm one of God.

[Mike]

Terrible. That's a way that's.

[Pat]

Never say that in that order again.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, don't do that. Do not start anything, like, with God.

[Pat]

Just start why you cheated. Yeah, don't leave God out of this.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Can I say my intuition, like, okay, okay.

[Mike]

Go ahead, bro. Go ahead, bro.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Like, he sent me us. Like something was giving me, like, you know, that feeling, like, in your stomach, and like, you kind of get, like, damn, something going on. Something wrong going on. Okay, like. Like. Like, I feel like someone was talking behind my back and, like, my girl was cheating on me. So I'm like, man. And, like, the vibes are off. Like, she was acting weird. He was in high school. Like, this is my first, like, baddie, too, at the time. So I'm like, damn, bro, she really could be doing me bad right now. And I look bad. Like. And to be honest, I'm not an ugly. Like, I'm not too far from handsome, but I'm also not far from ugly, so.

[Mike]

No, I see. Right.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yeah. So I was like. I was like, it, bro. I'm gonna have to cheat.

[Pat]

I told you.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Huh?

[Pat]

How tall are you?

[Unknown Speaker F]

I don't see what that has to do with, like, I'm five, six.

[Pat]

Okay? It just, like, give me a visual for the story.

[Gene]

All right?

[Pat]

But just tell us why you cheated and did she catch you or not?

[Unknown Speaker F]

Damn. She. Did she catch me. She didn't catch me the first time. Yeah, she didn't catch me the first time. She called me the second time, but it wasn't, like, fully on cheating. And the whole thing is, though, I cheated just right on time because, bruh, she came on me with a white, bro.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Yeah, I was right.

[Unknown Speaker F]

That's what I'm saying, bro. It was all in the power of God, bruh.

[Mike]

You know the funny part? He's really true because he lit in this picture I just looked at. He got a suit on and he has a big ass cross on.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You gotta stop.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Come on, now.

[Pat]

You gotta stop bringing God into this. There's just like, what? Yeah, they're just two people with free will doing. You know what I'm saying? So, anywho, y' all still together?

[Unknown Speaker F]

Oh, no, we broke up, man. Like, we.

[Mike]

We.

[Unknown Speaker F]

This was, like, when I was in high school. I'm, like, 20 now. I'm in sophomore in my college year. This was like.

[Pat]

How'S college going, Pips week?

[Unknown Speaker F]

Oh, God, my voice not that deep.

[Mike]

Well, with you, bro.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yeah, but not. Cars are going good, man. I'm going theatric. I'm being a model. I got some. I don't. I don't really think I'm dropping out, honestly. I'm going to, like, a community college, and I'm working on doing YouTube. I actually want to start a podcast like you guys, my friends, so.

[Pat]

Hey, man, you never know. It could be two friends. Y' all could be more popular than us one day. Put us on. Make sure you Put us on.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Absolutely. Absolutely. I actually want to collab with you guys in the future later on. Hey, man, that'd be cool.

[Pat]

Let's meet at the top.

[Mike]

Some fake motivational ass. Meet at the top.

[Pat]

Bro, you could be. He could be the next famous podcast. You know what I'm saying? Then he could be like, man, I remember them crashing on me. Some little. And then he invite us on the pod, and then we get ours.

[Unknown Speaker F]

But they're gonna be up.

[Pat]

Yeah, we're gonna be up. He's gonna have to work a little bit hard. A little, man.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. All right, bro. You have a good one, man.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Hey.

[Mike]

Oh, he's gonna say something. I got too quick. I'm gonna call him back now. I feel bad now.

[Pat]

Oh, damn.

[Mike]

Because everybody be saying, I hang up. I'd be hanging up on people too fast.

[Unknown Speaker F]

But this was like, yo, now you good. But I ain't a lot. I was just trying to have a good next fight.

[Mike]

You said what?

[Unknown Speaker F]

I don't know when you're next. I said, have a good next fight, though. I don't know when your next one.

[Pat]

And you hung up in this space. You're a bad person.

[Mike]

I appreciate that, man. You have a good night, man.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Me too, bro.

[Pat]

I'm gonna name this little man Cheats.

[Unknown Speaker E]

What's going on?

[Pat]

What's up, dude?

[Mike]

I got a question for you. What's the worst opening line on a dating app that you use?

[Unknown Speaker E]

So this goes.

[Unknown Speaker F]

What was it?

[Unknown Speaker E]

Oh, I bet I know how you like your. Your eggs in the morning, and you're supposed to say how, and then you, like, fertilized, and then that's it.

[Pat]

Yeah, I bet that is it. Yeah, I bet exactly where that conversation ends. Have you used this before?

[Unknown Speaker E]

I haven't used it. Like, not. Not that I know I'm not over the apps. I think more in person because, like, if they get a smile or something, that you could kind of just play it off of that. Like, you know, just a dumb, corny joke.

[Mike]

Like, this is like, before you even, like, know their names.

[Unknown Speaker E]

Yeah, maybe. I don't know, man. I haven't really been. I've been using pickup lines or out and picking up girls at the bars for a while.

[Mike]

You're in a relationship?

[Unknown Speaker E]

Yeah, I am.

[Pat]

How long you been in a relationship?

[Unknown Speaker E]

Me and my girl been together for about a year and a half now. We got our kid on the way.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Oh, wow.

[Pat]

Are you about to get married?

[Unknown Speaker E]

We will after. I mean, probably after the kid.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay. I'm Just glad you got a plan, bro.

[Mike]

Boy. Fertilizer eggs here, I guess. Does that. Did you use that line on her?

[Unknown Speaker E]

No, I don't think so. Because, like, I was even telling her because I'm, like, sick of right now. So she's not. She's pregnant. So she's like. She's at her house, and I was telling her that y' all were about to call.

[Pat]

I got a question for you.

[Unknown Speaker F]

What's up?

[Pat]

All right. Would you rather have a baby with your ex girlfriend or work your first job forever?

[Unknown Speaker E]

My first job forever.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Probably.

[Unknown Speaker H]

Down.

[Unknown Speaker E]

Man. I'm thinking probably with my.

[Pat]

Probably with my ex.

[Unknown Speaker E]

My first job, it was like, I worked for, like, a.

[Unknown Speaker F]

It was.

[Unknown Speaker E]

I worked at a car wash, actually, in high school. Like, I ain't trying to wash cars forever.

[Pat]

Okay, so, like, your ex must have not been that bad, then.

[Unknown Speaker E]

No, the reason I say that is because, like, you know, I'm excited to be a dad. I know I'll be a really good dad. My ex had a lot of fucking problems, and she probably would have gave the baby to me so I could be like, fuck it, I'll take the baby. I got plenty of help from parents and family. Plus, you know, I could probably get a check from the state.

[Pat]

You got it all figured out, huh?

[Unknown Speaker E]

Like, hey, you guys, too.

[Unknown Speaker H]

What's up?

[Mike]

How y' all doing?

[Pat]

Good. How you doing, bro? I can't complain, bro. I can't complain. How about you? Welcome to the podcast, bro. None of that small talk.

[Unknown Speaker H]

What's up?

[Pat]

That's a negative question.

[Mike]

All right, I got a question for you. What's the worst opening. What's the worst opening line on a dating app?

[Unknown Speaker H]

Oh, obviously it's gonna be, are you.

[Unknown Speaker G]

Part of the Cream team or the squirt squad? I mean, obviously I wouldn't use it.

[Pat]

Because you did get. I'm sure it would work.

[Mike]

You've used this before.

[Unknown Speaker G]

I go use it. No.

[Pat]

Hell no, bro.

[Unknown Speaker F]

No.

[Unknown Speaker G]

I saw a meme about it, and.

[Pat]

Then I looked it up. Apparently, it's a Mike Sherb song. So that's my fault, I guess. You know, came on the pod to tell us about a meme he saw. Yes, sir. Yeah.

[Unknown Speaker G]

Yeah, my bad.

[Pat]

That's cool, bro. If a homeless man gave you lottery numbers and you won $21 million, how much are you giving him?

[Mike]

1. $21 million. And the homeless man gave me those numbers. I slide him, too.

[Pat]

Too mil.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay. What about you, J?

[Gene]

You said 2 million for him. Out of what?

[Pat]

21 million.

[Gene]

I'll probably give him one.

[Pat]

One million.

[Gene]

Million.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah, I'll probably give him one meal.

[Gene]

Oh, that's gonna be hard though.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. One meal.

[Mike]

Here's a.

[Pat]

Here's a combo.

[Mike]

Also, I wouldn't tell him that I won the lottery.

[Pat]

Yeah. Because you know he going to tell everybody. Yeah, you basically his nephew.

[Mike]

After that I would just make it seem like I'm doing like, like a good deed for him, type of.

[Pat]

Oh, you like, like you that one dude.

[Mike]

Yeah, the MD Motivated.

[Pat]

Hey, you mind if I borrow a dollar? Yeah, I don't even need this dollar. Here's a house in the car. Like, what the.

[Mike]

No, I. I like those videos. Those videos be like, be super dope. No, I think sometimes though, it's like some people's like, oh, why do you have to record like the. You doing good deeds and shit like that? I think I don't mind it sometimes because, like there's a lot of negative shit that goes on in the world anyway and it gets recorded. So it's like, why not record something positive? Although there are some people that clout chase doing those type of things.

[Pat]

People complain about that though.

[Mike]

Yeah, people will be complaining about that.

[Pat]

I feel like there's like a money threshold for sure. Like, okay, if I'm out giving the homeless cheeseburgers, they technically could have ran into this cheeseburger today on their own. I don't need to have a camera in their face. But if I buy a. A house, best believe it's gonna be 4K cameras around that. Okay. Okay, thank me one more time at this angle right here.

[Mike]

That's real.

[Pat]

Real.

[Mike]

Oh, man, Desmond, we got some breakups in the, in the, in the horizon. So what's his name? Desmond and Christy. That popular tick tock couple.

[Pat]

The Scots.

[Mike]

The Scots. No, they recently split over infidelity. On Desmond's side, he put out like a statement and saying that he wanted to leave. It was basically apologizing and saying he wanted to leave. He brought it up to be leaving and then him not going through it kind of made him, you know, do things that he regrets. It's just interesting. I think the people are really hurt about this one. But it also is like, it is the interesting part of like people are really, really invested in like these celebrity like relationships.

[Pat]

You can't, you can't fault people for this one, though.

[Mike]

No, you can't. You can. You can though. No, you can't.

[Pat]

Not this one at all.

[Mike]

You don't think so?

[Gene]

Well, hell no.

[Mike]

But I'm just saying People, I think people just saying that this as like.

[Gene]

A couple girls, you mean?

[Mike]

Or this is the type of love I deserve. Or this is the type of thing.

[Pat]

No. To be invested. They, they, they deserve it because they made money off of it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

When you make money off doing a certain thing, when it comes crashing down, you can't be mad that people probe at that certain thing.

[Mike]

No, I don't. I'm not. I don't think people should probe. I'm just saying in general of people always thinking the grass is greener on the other side or just because the way people are. Are couples like that they don't ever obviously know. You're not going to post them arguing and how it's presented like that. I think the, the reality of it.

[Gene]

Yeah. False depiction of it.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So I think that's like the thing I kind of want. Like this kind of like brings back the earth on people. It's just like all these relationships you see, people are going through. Shit.

[Pat]

I've been off that shit after that Jada and Will Smith shit. I'm through like that shit like that, man. You know how many times I want that Jada in that Will Love know the fuck I don't.

[Gene]

I think one of the things that stood out with when I was looking at the article was like they met when they were 14 years old.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Gene]

They've known each other like.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And I saw somebody say that. I think it was ice. It was like met at 14, married for this and that. Which I think think what's going to happen. And I do think it's like. I think the meaning of that is like you change a lot. Like the who you are at 14 could definitely be different when you're older and stuff like that. But I also don't know in their business as well. But I think too when you get popular in that sense of things, there's like you feel like you've never really experienced anything else. It can't probably can lead to shit like that. I'm not saying it's right though.

[Pat]

You change at different paces. Like if you take, if you take a couple that's like from Alabama, right. And they from a small town and their chemistry works well together, they probably gonna be married for 50, 60 years. There's no distractions from the outside world. But if you give a couple that's been together since 14 and then in the next three or four years, you give them both instant fame. And now like a lot of guys have never experienced this, but like I'm Gonna let y' all know now. There are women that don't give a. That you in a relationship.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And there are attractive women that don't give a. That you are in a relationship. And there are attractive women. Yes. There are attractive women that don't give a. That you in the relationship and will also help you hide it from your significant other. It's just like. And I think some men think that's not realistic until they get in that situation and then they. Too far gone. But also heard another theory about it. I heard they're Jehovah Witnesses.

[Mike]

I don't know.

[Pat]

I don't know if that's true or not. And I heard the only way to divorce as a Jehovah Witness is infidelity. Like, you can't just have, like, this. Can't have, like, a regular. Like a regular divorce, y'. All.

[Mike]

I have to do it.

[Pat]

Like, hey, he might have had to, bro.

[Mike]

I think even the word infidelity in. In the lawsuit or the. The divorce. Divorce filing.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Is also pretty evident because, like, that's kind of like. Especially when it comes to, like, assets and stuff like that, how things are split. Like, if the guy's at fault, it kind of, you know, because, you know, she created her tick tock first, but it was. A lot of it was to do with him as well.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So he didn't even get a tick tock till later. And he got like a million followers like that.

[Pat]

Yep.

[Mike]

So I don't know. This is like a one. I always saw their content. I really like. For the longest, I didn't even know their. Their names.

[Pat]

Yeah. Divorce is generally only permitted in cases of adultery.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Facts.

[Pat]

So if they Jehovah Witness. We got to confirm that, though first. Throw a whole religion on them first, then come up with the scenario. Let's just say they was Jehovah Witness.

[Mike]

Can you look this up?

[Pat]

If I say they is they.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Is.

[Pat]

They gonna do. Come on our show and say it's not?

[Mike]

Allegedly.

[Pat]

It says allegedly.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

Oh, are you trying to save us in court?

[Mike]

It's very not famous.

[Pat]

Erase those Witnesses. Oh, come on, man. My source is good, bro. My Uncle Ronnie got this. Listen, nephew, they both Jehovah Witnesses.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

Oh, man. What else I got?

[Pat]

You dropped the clues line for me. Appreciate it.

[Mike]

That was later.

[Pat]

For. For also for people asking us to come to different cities during our quote unquote tour, which we're not technically on tour. We're just going to different cities just to put that out there. So we're not gonna like no official tour. Yeah. We're not gonna give you a rollout of a bunch of new dates coming, but for people asking for those specific cities or like states that, you know, nobody else goes to either. Like Utah.

[Mike]

There was actually a lot of people who Utah after you made.

[Pat]

Bro, they was on my ass, bro. It's still like, what? It still wasn't 500, but it was like it was like 80 of them. No, it was a lot of people. I'm not gonna lie. But I'm not, I'm not saying we never come to Utah, but I will say the more popular that y' all help us get and the more knowing y' all help us get, then cities and states like that will be a breeze for us because obviously we want to touch all those places, but we're just saying like most of those places, like, bruh, come on now it's going to be 70, 70 of us in a room. And then what? Now we in Utah for the night. Where are we going to go?

[Mike]

Ain't doing no mixer here for you. Is there a difference between being sneaky and being private?

[Pat]

Being sneaky and being private?

[Mike]

Yeah. In terms of like, we'll say like, private is like, I don't own all the Internet shit. And then like, sneaky is more like don't touch my phone. Yeah.

[Pat]

It's like I feel like for like.

[Mike]

Relationships, like if you're in a relationship and you don't like, you know, it.

[Pat]

Would have to be talking more talking stages, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like what you, what you release. It's definitely a thin ass line, you know what I'm saying? Because like, it could be something as simple as like a guy, you know, he has five kids, right. And he's been on three dates with a girl and he hasn't mentioned his kids yet. And it's just like he could be being private because he doesn't want to give a random stranger information about him that he doesn't know.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But it also could be being sneaky knowing that, oh, she might leave if I tell her I got five kids and five baby mamas.

[Gene]

That's where it comes, like sneaky. It becomes sneaky when you know that they're going to feel some type of way about it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Like if you don't care, then it's just private. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's like it's none of your business. Like, I didn't think.

[Mike]

I guess this question can only exist in the talking stage because like, if you're being sneaky or private with. With your. The person you're dating. Then it's like, why?

[Pat]

No, girls don't play that. I be watching, like, girlfriend and boyfriend pranks. Sometimes it pop up on my algorithm and shit. And there's one where it's like, the dudes be asking their girlfriends to get out while they take off their shirt.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, oh, I'm about to get naked. Can you get out? And them girls do not be playing that shit. Like, once you in a relationship, your woman, like, thinks like, oh, was mine Is yours if I'm balling you? Balling.

[Gene]

Tear that up. Check your body. Every inch of them.

[Pat]

Every inch. Why are your balls empty, man?

[Mike]

Be cold as hell.

[Pat]

And, like, what do you mean my balls are empty? Okay. I whacked off when you was gone.

[Gene]

There, there.

[Pat]

You got it. You got it. Let him go. Fuck.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

Now, I had a dude. There was a dude that I knew. His girlfriend knew every time that he came, and he was like, man, I don't know what it is. She just know. And then it was like, one time he did it on a weekend she was away, and he told her not. And she told him not to, and he did it. And when she got back, she forced him to watch the video that he did it to with her. And they sat there and watched it. I was like, that's insane, man. Please get the divorce papers out now.

[Mike]

You need to leave. You. The Internet is. I think it's time to retire the word gaslighting. Because I think the Internet is really giving it, like, it's not giving it the same meaning anymore. I feel like gaslighting now. Like, it's like. It just means, like, you remember things differently now.

[Pat]

You're trying to gaslight.

[Mike]

No, but I'm just saying it's just like, I feel like everybody. I just think, like, the Internet, you know, you see those videos on Tik Tok, it's like basically saying, if you're your man did this. My ex did this and this and that. And everybody. Now everybody has, like, a narcissist ex boyfriend. And it's just like, y' all just weren't vibing. Doesn't mean he's a narcissist. Y' all just weren't compatible. I think people give labels to things that are not the true meaning of things. Like, gaslighting is a real thing. Being a narcissist is a real thing. But do I believe that 50 of these people in this comments are saying their ex is a narcissist? No, like, you guys are misdiagnosing something.

[Pat]

I also don't think, like, people are like, I like what you're saying, but I don't think it's being misdiagnosed. I think people are taking very small moments and then putting it plastering on that person after they leave the situation. Because technically we've all been the narcissist before. Technically we've all been toxic before.

[Mike]

Gaslit.

[Pat]

We've all yelled at somebody before. Like, I've never put my hands on nobody before, but like, I've had hands put on me. You know what I'm saying? Just like everybody's like, been in a situation where if that person left and that was the most recent thing they remember, they can paint you as that. And I think that's what needs to stop. No. You were together five years and you're telling me this person was a narcissist. So now I think you're stupid for being with a narcissist for five years. Like, it don't make sense, bro. Let's take a shot. Okay, this is, this is why I don't fuck with the Internet.

[Mike]

Okay?

[Pat]

There was this. There was this big black dude. You're weird. There's a big black dude. That's the way, like, he looked like he was like 6:3, 350 pounds. And he was in the middle of a park playing electric guitar in front of like a bunch of white people. It was a diverse crowd, but it was predominantly white. And it said, the caption said, this man single handedly keeping soul music alive, carrying the blues genre on his back. And there was, there was a comment and it said, he's also keeping soul food alive also. That's like, that's why you can't. With the Internet. Then it was another video of. It was a dope video the NFL posted of Matt Stafford, quarterback for the Los Angeles Rams, with his daughters after the game. I think he has like four daughters. It was a dope video seeing like a masculine football player, like kneel down and talk with all four of his daughters. And one somebody in the comments said, yes, an interception for every daughter because he threw four pics that day. They're just like, like, the Internet is like fucked up. And you just can't have good moments. Even TikTok used to be like, there's.

[Mike]

Too many witty people out there.

[Pat]

Way too many witty people.

[Mike]

Maybe some shit that I see on Twitter is like, wait, how the, how the this person, like, get this information? And the person might not even be like you would think somebody with that much talent to be witty would be like a comedian or somebody really popular. It's just legit for the love of the game.

[Pat]

Like some of them be one hit wonders. Yeah, that's the up part about the game. Like this 100th video today that they commented on and then all the other comments got like a hundred likes collectively and this one got 10,000 and it's a banger. But I will say like now knowing like what comments do, like there's no point in comment no more bro.

[Mike]

Unless you really like people still like go viral off their comments comments. There'd be comments where I see like we get like 10000 likes and stuff like that. People like fiend for that. No, that the sec the second day, like stop liking comments. Like remove like some comments. I bet you people wouldn't comment as much.

[Pat]

Damn.

[Mike]

If there was no reward for liking for, for commenting, would they be able.

[Pat]

To comment under it too? That's the thing.

[Mike]

That's the. Yeah, that's the other thing. I feel like that would lead to more things though, like the reply to comments. Okay, but I've seen things like even in our Patreon comments, I've seen an argument be like 30 replies long. 30 replies long. And like, okay, at that point it's like y' all just trying to get the last word. Because I feel like after 5 replies back and forth, if you don't get your point across and there's no like oh, I see where you're coming from or. Or there's another rebuttal is just like leave it there.

[Gene]

No, I've seen, I've seen some long ass like like 200 comments, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

And the thing is like when you start to comment like it starts to tag different people.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Yeah. So two random people just started arguing and it's like five different people.

[Pat]

Who the you talking to?

[Mike]

I didn't even say that. Sometimes I'll be trying to like follow along what the argument is about and then I start getting lost because sometimes they won't put in like chronological order.

[Unknown Speaker F]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So now I'm like, wait, why is he reacted to this like this? I was like, oh, okay, you finding out down the line now everything started to makes sense. It's like a whole movie. It's like callbacks.

[Pat]

It's funny like when I see comment like people comment back and forth early and I see people arguing early sometimes like I'll like the comment of another person like damn, he ate his ass up.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And then I'll come back. And then the other person got all the likes and I was like, damn, I was wrong about who's winning the argument. It was just like that on Patreon. It was a dude. It's just like somebody was like, get off they dick, get off patting my dick. And I'm just like, oh, ain't nobody going to fuck with this comment.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And it's the most liked comment. I'm like, damn. Like how he win?

[Mike]

That's like the easy ones. No.

[Pat]

Okay. All right. Tweet of the week.

[Mike]

All right, let's do it.

[Pat]

Somebody said, I'm still trying to understand what sort of persuasion happens at car yards for Nissan Juke to be the final decision. I, I like, I, I, you know.

[Mike]

Like everybody, everybody has, can you look at, look up Nissan Juke real quick?

[Pat]

This is, this is my only rule about cars. Right. Sometimes like going through life, you got to get a car.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

No matter what it is. Nissan Juke look crazy right now. No, that should look crazy. But like I've been there before and, and I've had cars that I really didn't want. Or sometimes you have a car that you don't even really like the way it looked.

[Mike]

But I didn't like my Ford Explorer.

[Pat]

I didn't like, I really like my Jeep Compass when I had it. Like, but it's those people that have brand new ass cars and the car is ugly. Like it'd be like a BMW station wagon. It's like why, it's like why that's a $50,000 car? Like, why not?

[Mike]

There is like a thing. I definitely like have that feeling to it. Even these like million dollar cars are upper $300,000 cars. But then it's also like if I got that type of money, I just get some shit for the fuck of it.

[Pat]

Yeah. It's like I understand that but I get. People are into different things and stuff, but usually I feel like the reason you get into different things is because of money.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It's like money held you guys.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And then you develop the love for.

[Mike]

You take more risk.

[Pat]

Yeah. You take more risk. Yeah. But like, you know, having like buku amount of money and coming out in a Nissan Juke is crazy. Well, I don't want my car to be named Jude. Like that sounds like your car's agile as bro.

[Mike]

I've been, hey, I'm starting to become a, a four way stop sign bully.

[Pat]

You directing traffic, you said.

[Mike]

I'm saying like I don't, you know, when you get To a four way stop sign. There's always that awkward, like, everybody inching for it, inching for it. I just go, now I just. Like you, I just go, yeah, I'm tired of the whole inching, inching. Now everybody's like, now you go. Now you go. It's like I'm just going to.

[Pat]

That's not fair to people, though, because I've just got like that too. And it's only because I have a new car and it's because of my takeoff speed. And I will say, like, I used to have a shit. Well, I still have it, but I have a Chevy Malibu, my old car. And it's like, it's certain things that I didn't do in it because I know my takeoff speed a little off. So they might not see me accelerate when I'm accelerating and they don't see me take off and they go the same time as me.

[Mike]

But I also don't do it in certain places.

[Pat]

Oh, you know what? If I'm in the hood in Milwaukee, if I'm in the hood.

[Mike]

Come on, now. I'm let. I'm letting the car behind the person go.

[Pat]

When I'm driving in Milwaukee, in the hood, I stop at every intersection. I don't give a if it's a light or stop sign. Left, right, left, right. Cuz these little crazy out here, bro. All right, another tweet. This is why I hate the American language. Because obviously you see those videos where words are spelled the exact same way and they're pronounced way different, but then you have little things like this that don't make sense, and it says, why do we pronounce the G twice in longevity?

[Mike]

Longevity. Longevity, huh?

[Pat]

Like, why are we pronouncing the G twice?

[Mike]

It has only one G in it.

[Pat]

It's only one G. Longevity.

[Mike]

Yeah. I don't know. Longevity.

[Gene]

Longevity, yeah.

[Mike]

Is it longevity?

[Pat]

No, it's longevity.

[Mike]

I feel like you're just saying it like that.

[Pat]

Long. It's literally longevity. Because. Because the root of the word is long, right? Longevity means what?

[Mike]

I think you're saying long. Too hard, though.

[Pat]

No, it's not.

[Gene]

It's not. It's not an amount of jevity. It's longevity.

[Mike]

Longevity. Can you. Can you put that.

[Pat]

That's still two GS.

[Mike]

I don't give a what you.

[Pat]

It's not longevity. Y' all know longevity. Yeah. Longevity.

[Gene]

Longevity.

[Pat]

Y' all literally changing the way y' all say the words. Y ra.

[Mike]

Me, let's see.

[Pat]

No, y' all rage.

[Gene]

I'm about to look it up right now, man.

[Pat]

Oh, you got it. We are looking at how to pronounce this word. Who the is this? How do you go about pronouncing this in British English? Because the American pronunciation is different.

[Unknown Speaker F]

This is said British Longevity. Longevity.

[Pat]

Oh, he's saying, he actually said longevity.

[Unknown Speaker F]

However it is usually pronounced as longevity.

[Pat]

Longevity in American English versus it's longevity. Longevity is longevity.

[Mike]

Longevity.

[Pat]

Longevity. Don't say longevity. Never said it like that.

[Mike]

I can tell.

[Pat]

You can tell when somebody is a first time assistant.

[Mike]

There's no way when you know, when your friends say a word, when he say, you know he's saying it wrong. You don't know he's saying it wrong until somebody else like says that saying it wrong.

[Pat]

Okay, DM of the week. I'm gonna start doing this because I keep getting dms. I. I just want, I'm saying this DM to stop the dms. Okay. Somebody messaged me on a Sunday, which is today, what you're shooting. If a man up Drake on you on camera and tell you to suck John, you doing it or are you going to keep your pride? Listen, brother, I feel like the person.

[Mike]

That would do that would already want to kill you anyway, so what's the point?

[Pat]

Or the person asking the question just wants to suck dick. Yeah, he's just looking for scenarios. Man, I wish a would just tell me, hey, up that Drake on me, please. Like calm down, man. That's just way too horny, bro.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Anyway, that's been the pod. Appreciate y' all supporting. Get the patreon. We are putting content out there. I was just live there for like an hour the last week and we're gonna start going live like almost every week there. So that's be time to interact with us. What else? What else?

[Pat]

Subscribe on YouTube, I saw somebody in a comment say they literally been watching us for two years and realized they've never clicked the subscribe button. Even if you could find ourselves, you people on Tick Tock Instagram, it's a lot of y' all that see our stuff and y' all don't follow us. Yeah, that's good for you, but what about the next person? You know what I mean? It jumps on their algorithm when they, when you follow like share, subscribe, all that. So appreciate it. Appreciate y' all getting us this far. We got a long way to go. We trying to. Y' all want us to make it to the top. Y' all keep calling us underrated. That's how we become overrated. I'm literally trying to be overrated. I'm literally trying to say some in front of a crowd of 50, 000. That's not funny at all. Everybody have. Everybody dying, laughing.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? Like, chill out, Mike. That's what I'm trying to get, bro.

[Mike]

Yeah, I feel it. All right, y', all, peace.