2 Deadbeat Dads - Episode 265

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 265: "2 Deadbeat Dads"

Release Date: July 1, 2026
Hosts: Patrick Johnson & Michael Esiobu
Theme: Irreverent and unfiltered takes on current events, pop culture, and absurd life scenarios, including hilarious call-ins, confessions, and unfiltered personal stories.

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Episode Overview

Pat and Mike return with a fully “current” episode, and as always, the vibe is off-the-cuff, raunchy, and full of banter. The duo is joined by friends and fans who share wild confessions and life updates. This episode is a mix of nostalgia, R&B debates, relationship hypotheticals, comedy, social commentary, and community engagement, all delivered with the classic Crash Dummies blend of jokes and blunt honesty.

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Main Segments & Key Discussions

1. Nostalgia & School Drills

[00:00–01:26]

• The episode opens with Pat joking about tornado drills being more dignified for today’s kids, compared to being face down “ass up” in hallways in the old days.
• Quote: "Is a tornado a predator or something? Like this tornado about to f*** the s*** out of us." — Pat [00:09]
• They riff on childhood misunderstandings of safety procedures.

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2. Podcast Updates & Milwaukee Pride

[01:26–04:45]

• Pat and Mike discuss their rise in Milwaukee’s popularity rankings.
• Nostalgic shoutouts to their home cities (Pat in Pontiac, Mike in Milwaukee) and playful competition within their friend group.

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3. Pretty Ricky vs. B2K – R&B Versus Recap

[06:29–18:38]

• [06:29] Mike recounts waking up at 4am in Amsterdam to watch the Pretty Ricky vs. B2K Verzuz.
• Group debate: Which group’s songs have stood the test of time? Consensus: Pretty Ricky lasted longer in club culture.
• Vocal performance vs. choreography and how some singers “sound just like the track” (major props to Pleasure P and Tims).
• Quote: "When we were teenagers, they were like our boy band heartthrobs…then Pretty Ricky came along and it was all the little fast girls, you know." — Carrie [11:31]
• Reflect on how the performative antics of the 2000s R&B era feel cringy now (e.g., Omarion’s watermelon moment).
• Discussion of other iconic Verzuz moments (Mario washing Omarion, J Book background vocals, Lox vs Dipset, Gucci vs Jeezy).

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4. Male Insecurity & Interactions with Women

[20:57–24:32]

• Pat’s pet peeve: Men who overcompensate around their girlfriends.
• Mike describes awkward, possessive behavior he’s observed.
• Commentary on how men misinterpret women’s friendliness—especially towards podcast hosts.

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5. Fan Call-ins & Confessions

[31:00–70:52]
Pat and Mike invite listeners to share things “no one would believe about them,” with rapid-fire calls yielding hilarious and honest moments.

• Notable Calls:
  • [36:38] A fan with two “deadbeat” dads (biological and stepdad, both left) is comforted with humor and a Fresh Prince "how come he don't want me?" moment.
  • [41:20] A fan with a “1.5” body count explains the awkward circumstances of his 0.5.
  • [51:24] If you could make anything cost $1: A lawyer says bail. After debate, hilariously concedes only for minor crimes.
  • [56:09] A New Yorker wants escorts to cost $1 and provides surprising financial insights into the life.
  • [63:03] ATM trash can voyeur: A caller compares his bank balance to strangers' via discarded ATM receipts.
  • [65:48] Husband admits he loves gossiping with his wife—then the wife joins and confirms they both share group chat secrets.

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6. Relationship & Sex Talk

[31:35–36:41]

• Guest K gives her "unpopular opinion": threesomes are “supervised cheating”.
  • Stories of relationships where the threesome idea leads to issues and trust problems.
• Multiple guests offer wild stories about lying to their partners or weird trust dynamics.
• Memorable: The "post nut clarity before" sex story, and the guy who lied about a female friend being a cousin.

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7. Random Polls, Rapid Fire, “Sounds Fake But It’s Real”

[73:33–78:54]

• Callers are asked to “Name something that sounds fake, but is actually real.”
  • Best friend started beef to hook up with caller’s sneaky link.
  • Drunk confessions: How drinking shapes one’s social honesty.
  • The “ATM receipt check” for life inspiration.
  • Small things that “give me the ick”—e.g. following McDonalds on Instagram.

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8. Pop Culture, BET Awards, & Social Commentary

[113:55–122:30]

• Carrie, as a broadcaster, pushes the crew to discuss the BET Awards.
• Drewski’s performance as host: Some online critique for “not commanding an adult audience,” but Carrie defends him as learning live on a big stage.
• SZA and Doechii’s play-off: Should they have been played off with music by production?
• Broader talk: The importance of the host, viral moments, and the evolving cultural significance of the BET Awards.
• Discussion of Blast from the Past reality shows: Flavor of Love, For the Love of Ray J, and modern “shock TV.”

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9. Tweet/Post of the Week & Final Rapid Topics

[88:15–90:13], [92:30–101:59]

• Roasting men who “blast some straight bullshit” on their Harley speakers.
• NFL/college football stereotypes: “Let’s go!” as the white boy rallying cry.
• Who gets “Happy Father’s Day” texts and how that changes as you age.

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10. Last Laughs & Episode Wrap-up

[104:05–122:30]

• Trash TV shows and extreme “fetishes” from TLC and reality TV.
• The effect of hyper-online culture on relationships.
• Unexpected cultural insights, personal stories, and lots of loud, overlapping crosstalk.
• Final note on ancestry: The hosts debate how “Nigerian” Mike is and tease 23andMe DNA tests for the future.

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Notable Quotes & Classic Moments

• On tornado drills:
  “They had us face down, ass up in the hallway. Like, is a tornado a predator or something?” — Pat [00:09]

• On R&B performance standards:
  "I used to play [Pretty Ricky] in the background when I call a girl. I'd be like, turn it down." — Pat [12:48]

• On male possessiveness:
  “What you think she gonna do? Smell this baccarat and leave with me?” — Pat [22:15]

• On “deadbeat dads”:
  "[My dad] left before I was born. Then my stepdad, he left when I was like five." — Fan [36:53]

• On the “1.5” body count:
  "Had one bad sex experience and then found his wife, ran to the first good smelling coochie he could find." — Pat [46:43]

• On honesty in relationships:
  “If you lying about this, you'll lie about anything, bro.” — Pat [50:34]

• On BET Awards host Drewski:
  “He's just a home run hitter. He's not a person that's gonna give you a line that's all leading up to one story. He's like a person—look at this funny ass joke.” — Pat [115:13]

• On parenting & community:
  "Where all. Oh, my good ass daddies at." — Pat [103:41]

• On nostalgia for trash reality TV:
  “Flavor Flav used to be like, you look like you work out, your name gonna be Pilates.” — Pat [104:29]

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Overall Tone & Style

• Language & Energy: Loose, hilarious, raw, and at times explicit. Pat and Mike riff, talk over each other, interrupt callers, and keep the energy high and unpredictable.
• Themes: Black pop culture nostalgia, relationship honesty, community, and the importance of humor in uncomfortable truths.
• Audience: Young millennial/Gen-Z, heavy on cultural references, social media jokes, and a strong online community vibe.

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Episode Flow – Main Timestamps

• [00:00] – School safety nostalgia & tornado drills
• [06:29] – R&B Verzuz: Pretty Ricky vs. B2K debate
• [20:57] – Awkward male protectsiveness and social scenarios
• [31:35–36:41] – Threesome = supervised cheating, callers discuss wild relationship moments
• [36:38–46:40] – “Deadbeat dads,” “1.5” body count, wildest confessions
• [56:09] – Escorts for $1? Financial honesty from a caller
• [63:03] – ATM receipt confessions
• [65:48] – Husband and wife spill each other’s secrets, group chat drama
• [88:15] – Pet peeves on social media following, Harley sound systems, public speaking approach
• [113:55] – BET Awards, Drewski as host, industry politics
• [104:05–122:30] – Trash TV & reality show nostalgia, ancestry debates, and wrap-up banter

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For New Listeners

This episode is pure Crash Dummies: personal, hilariously honest, and a little chaotic. The hosts seamlessly mix thoughtful insights with absurd humor, bouncing through call-in confessions, R&B nostalgia, street-level observations, and lively arguments about everything from BET to bad exes. Expect raw language and wild stories, but also the kind of community energy and vulnerability that keeps fans coming back.

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Crash Dummies Podcast: "You don’t have to be the only good ass daddy in your city—just be yourself, and always bring your own condom."

Transcript

[A]

I'm not going to lie. These kids got it way easier than what we had it because when I was teaching, there was a tornado drill and during that tornado drill, they sent everybody to a basement and like all over the basement had these tornado warning shelter things. And I'm like, most of these schools now have tornado shelters. But back when I was growing up, they had us face down, ass up in the hallway. Like, is a tornado a predator or something? Like this tornado about to fuck the out of us. Like, they literally had us face down, ass up, bro.

[B]

And one of my big homies, when he used to do that, we always made fun of him because you know how like they that things like big dudes always like pull their shirt down and like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Every time

[A]

dog let the tornado hit his butt crack first, it might disappear. No, I, I never got that though. I, I, I kind of get the like, oh, you got up and like that. But some I remember people used to get mad at me cuz I used to tell that joke of like why they had us doing that because he was like, it's the closest you can do to kissing your ass goodbye.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Always trying to make us 69 ourselves before we die. Like the we doing.

[D]

Almost.

[B]

Hello, the radio is for people who are driving. Welcome to Crash Dummies podcast. Anyway, welcome to Crash Dummies podcast. This is episode 265. We got Pat here, we got Carrie here, we got Gene, the genius father Gene, whatever y' all want to call him now.

[E]

Genius.

[A]

Engage Mike.

[B]

Engage Mike.

[A]

Engaged Mike. You act different now.

[B]

You think so? But I've been, But I've been married for the year.

[A]

Yeah, you've been you, but you act different now that you engaged though.

[B]

I married, I proposed to my wife of one year.

[F]

Right. Can it be called an engagement?

[B]

No, she was never a fiance.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like, I feel like when you fuck up the order of that shit, like, like, like, like being a is not too far off.

[G]

No.

[B]

Hell no.

[A]

I'm just saying, bro, you're doing everything upside down.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I did help you move in the chair in your bedroom.

[B]

That's crazy. You never. I did. You never been to my new place?

[A]

Yes, I have. Literally I helped him move in a chair and I said it by the window. He like, nah, bro. And then he turned it n. That's crazy.

[G]

Never.

[A]

He caught you towards the bed.

[B]

Make sure you guys are subscribing to the Patreon for the month of July. We are going to do half off. We have Merch that's available. We have new merch just come out. What else?

[A]

We got tour dates coming out.

[B]

We got new tour dates coming out soon. It might be out right now. I don't know.

[A]

I doubt it. But maybe some days.

[B]

Yeah, maybe some days. It might be a slow rollout. We're still working, you know?

[A]

You know what I'm saying? We negotiate. We big dogs now. Now we saying we want them Fridays and Saturdays. Shout out to y' all that supported us on them Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Had us in St. Louis on a Wednesday. And I don't know what the we

[B]

on, but this is our first, like, current episode in a minute as well.

[A]

Yeah, we current.

[B]

Yeah, we're current.

[A]

Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Shout out to me and Mike. We just rose two spots on the Milwaukee popularity list. Clap that up.

[F]

What does that mean?

[A]

Giannis Anthony has left, so we automatically take those spots. But. But.

[B]

But.

[A]

I'm just saying. Not their spots. But I'm saying we move up. I'm not saying we jumping over anybody. I would say Ty Bro comes and, like, drops us back down. One maybe. You know what I'm saying? But. But the other. The Jaime Vasquez. No, this is my city. Little come holler at me. Welcome to the city. You know, he got it. He got it from here, huh?

[F]

You're not even from.

[A]

But I rep here, and I rep heart. It's a. That's from here. He 35 years old, and he love Milwaukee, but he don't do. He don't put on for Milwaukee like I do. I'm out in the outskirts putting on from Milwaukee.

[F]

How y' all feel about what he's saying right now?

[A]

Pontiac. Know what it is? I'm putting y' all put on for Pontiac. I just did a show for all my Pontiac niggas that came out, and I came out to some cut of keys, and you heard it. You came out to some cut of keys, too. So you from Pontiac, too.

[B]

You. You were born and raised in Milwaukee.

[F]

Yes. So I think if anybody. I am a little.

[B]

You know, we all did that.

[H]

Who.

[B]

Technically, we all moved up.

[A]

Come on, now. You a woman. Which makes it even better.

[B]

It makes it even better.

[I]

Ladies.

[B]

Misogynist.

[A]

No, Carrie, you got it. Okay, okay. If we under you, that means we always been under you.

[B]

No, no, she's saying everybody moved up a slot, though.

[F]

No, but I'm over y'.

[A]

All. That's fine.

[B]

Okay, that's fine. You got it.

[A]

I'm fine with, like. Come on, like, you the Only person on the Internet, when they be like, oh, Carrie, son them or shit like that, I let it slide. Like, if you was like some random dude and they'll sit on the Internet, I would have got that nigga going, all right. Nigga would not be able to find. I'm down. You. You don't want to. Every time I talk to somebody about you is always like, she's so talented. Oh, blah, blah. She's so talented. Said one person. It's only there. Only one person that says some crazy. It was like some girl that is like, I beat the shit out of her. She got dehydrated up my whole night, she up.

[B]

Someone get her IV needle. Someone get. Someone get a IV needle.

[G]

Y' all never going to let me

[B]

some liquid IV something

[A]

sponsor me. Talking about I ain't got no friends. I see why they traumatized N. They got a friend group. That's how they banking off who join a friend group. They tested the girls out. How much water you had today, cuz? We had a girl.

[B]

We don't even the pregame.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

So I was in. I Woke up at 4am While I was in Amsterdam to watch the. The B2K versus pretty Wiki verses.

[F]

You were about 4am for that?

[G]

Yeah.

[F]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Because I had to watch that live. Did you. Going into it, who did you guys think was going to win? Did you kind of have it?

[F]

Pretty Ricky.

[B]

You did Okay. I kind of. I kind of felt the same way at first. I said B2K, but then I actually, like, went back and thought about it. I was like, okay. I told my friends, like, actually, it's gonna be a wash the other way.

[A]

If you ever heard Pleasure P sing, then you. You should know.

[B]

No for sure.

[A]

Because, like, Rabbit, to me, rapping in A verses is just like. It's up in the air whether people feel the song or not. It's like, especially if it's a live mic, it's just like, sometimes rapping. But singing is always gonna be like, the thing that takes it over the top.

[B]

And I forgot with, like, B2K, where they're a very poppy, like, boy band, I think a lot of the girls really like them. Like, I like B2K growing up, too, but it's like we're way younger. I think with Pretty Ricky was like, when we're as guys, we were going through puberty and.

[F]

And what were you doing?

[B]

It was just a lot of, like.

[F]

With the Pretty Ricky songs?

[E]

No, no.

[B]

That's when N was humping the floors like, that was the thing. Niggas. Niggas were air humping the floor.

[A]

I was so with the shirt.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

I was jealous of them niggas, bro.

[A]

Yeah, them niggas like the parties, bro.

[B]

They had all the girls.

[A]

That's a. Back in the day. That's why I say, like, when people talk about, like this day and age, like, the people in our generation, like, these new dudes be acting weird. Like we were. Were tying their shirts up. Hip roll.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

The girls used to stand still at

[B]

the party, are gyrating their hips, bro.

[A]

Oh, no. With big ass T shirts rolling them up. No, real. But no.

[B]

The Omarion lost twice.

[F]

Why twice?

[B]

He lost the first one to Mario too.

[F]

I forgot he was on that.

[A]

I think especially, like, he lost three times. Technically. The third time, it was like he went. I don't know if he was going off script or was that always a plan for him to sing some of his solo songs? And then he sung one of his solo songs that wasn't B2K.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And pleasure P got mad and sung one of his. Yeah, I don't wanna lose this.

[E]

No, he.

[A]

He killed that. And Omarion show. Like, I feel like Omarion is like a very. You can see the emotion on his sleeve.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So anytime someone shows frustration and they can pick it up on camera, automatic L to.

[B]

And he's like, very.

[J]

Not.

[B]

Not in a bad way. Because I like Omarion, like, arrogant, but like in a more like a confident type of thing. Yeah, but. And I think when the confidence doesn't really match, like the. The performance sometimes, because, like, even listen to some of his older songs, he's not like the. He's a different type of vocalist. I would say.

[F]

Don't get on him with his vocals. I think he takes that very seriously. Because. No, no, I'm not saying not you. I'm just saying even Pleasure P, when he kept calling him out saying, like, oh, why don't you sing a cappella? Like, do it without, you know, the backtrack. I could tell he got offended by.

[B]

Yeah, that's it.

[A]

A nerve.

[B]

I think a lot of those singers back then, everybody was different type of vocalists as well. And I think we didn't hear them live with those, like the auto tunes and the pitch corrections like that.

[A]

No. What I learned from. From R and B money podcast, Tanks Pod. Is that the reason why Tank is so popular? He sung a lot of backtracks on people like Omarions. Oh, like that's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The voices you hear sometimes. That's Tank.

[B]

Yeah. Even the reference tracks for a lot of things.

[A]

So it's just like when you hear, like, people singing, like, obviously you hear Omarion's voice on, like, most of his tracks, but the stuff that you like, the feelings, the little chorus or whatever, the. The harmony that's in the back, that's sometimes other artists. So when you hear somebody sing later on, you'd be like, damn, it don't feel the same that it did like. Or that it does for the whole track. But somebody like Pleasure P, like, he sound just like the fucking track. So it's just like, damn.

[B]

Especially like you said with Even like the battle he had with Mario. There were some Mario songs that I really didn't recognize like that that much. But his performance kind of carried because he can really sing. It's just like. It's like scissor to me. Yeah. I don't care what SZA song it is. It's like her voice is angelic, right? So she can be saying the abc. I'm like, that's the best shit I've ever heard.

[A]

Or Tims.

[B]

Or Tims.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

Sometime.

[F]

Killed it at the awards yesterday.

[B]

That's my fellow Nigerian man.

[A]

Sometimes that's my shit, boy. And I'm so confused. That's my stem. That's my favorite stem. Anytime somebody cut me off in track, I'm so confused.

[B]

The accent is crazy.

[A]

But I. I would never. That's the thing about Tims. I would never try to sing her for real.

[B]

Like, that's another great live performer. But what you think about the Pretty Ricky?

[F]

Yeah, no, for me, personally, I have picked Pretty Ricky off top just because regardless of who was going to sing live or without the backtrack, I was just going song for song. Pretty Ricky songs just lasted a lot longer than B2K did. Cuz when. When we were younger, we were teenagers, they were like our boy band Heartthrobs, right when we were younger. And then Pretty Ricky came along and it was all the little fast girls, you know, listening to the music.

[B]

Not you, though.

[F]

I was at the concert.

[A]

I went to the Pretty Ricky concert.

[F]

It was the Millennium Tour back in like 2005. They came out humping the ground. I was there with my parents. Marcus Houston came out naked for his song Naked. I probably was in fourth grade. It was insane. But just to my point, their songs just lasted longer, so they hit harder. The lyrics just last longer today. Like, think about the last time you were in a club and you heard a B2K song versus a pretty riggy song.

[E]

It's gotta be like a throwback.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It gotta be.

[F]

You can play Hotline anytime. You can play Grind on Me anytime.

[A]

So Loveline, honey, anytime. Under. Well, that's. That's just pleasure, though. But, you know, you good, you good.

[E]

Cool.

[B]

What did you say? Song?

[A]

He said under. About pleasure fee.

[B]

Well, how's that one going? Oh, yeah, I forgot how, like a decent, like, solo career that.

[A]

I used to play that in the background when I call a girl. I'd be like, turn it down. That's lean all on my lip. What up?

[F]

Voicemail tone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Baby Blue looked like a super villain, though.

[F]

Someone said he looked like a blood clot.

[A]

I said, why not doing them that way. I can't do that because I might go to one of their concerts.

[B]

No, it's not a bad thing.

[F]

We picked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But also the thing I didn't realize about Pre Ricky is there's such a tempo change in, like, what they do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's just like. That's hard to beat in the verses. So I get Pleasure P singing, and then I get these lyrics that I, like, reminisced about. And like, the other, like, the whole. Everybody's like. They animated. They're doing it where B2 koreographed. It was way too choreographed.

[B]

It's like two boy bandies, like.

[A]

And I'm. And I'm confused. And it's like, they weren't. They weren't like an acapella group.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, there wasn't. Like, whose part is. Who's. Like, who's singing right now?

[B]

Yeah, no, it was very confused. I know what you mean. He's like, J Book, J Boog or Fizz. What the. He's like, what are you doing? Like, they were talking. Yeah, but because I was like, at the point, too. I was like, what is Fizz doing right now?

[F]

At one point, they were background singing for Omarion.

[A]

That's what. That's what I'm saying. Because it's like, you'll hear one voice, but you see four with the mics to their mouth. And it's like, whose vocals is this? Who harmonizes on his part?

[B]

Some songs are cut short as hell.

[F]

Well, I. Because I think at one point, and this is not a disability, but I think they realize, like, okay, we. We're losing this. Like, let's play our new track. And I'm like, that's the worst thing you could do is play a song we do not know.

[B]

No, there was a lot of songs. I started realizing that I don't know that many B2K songs.

[A]

Nah, they should have brought out Day 26 or some. Really love your company.

[B]

I saw the will from day 26. He was saying that they would have beat Pretty Ricky.

[F]

He just wanted.

[A]

But that's what I feel. That's what I feel like B2K did because I saw Lil Fizz this interview didn't do an interview with Cam Newton or am I tripping?

[F]

He did.

[A]

Okay. He did an interview with Cam Newton.

[B]

Is that what they got the pound for pound thing from Playback? They kept playing.

[A]

I don't. I don't know. But like he. He did interview with Cam Newton and he like every time he said like they would wash Pretty Ricky it was almost like a smirk came over his face and just like I think they know that they rather just be on TV and they happy that they can be put it together and they have

[B]

an album coming out because that'll be a song that's released Omari and just had an album come out.

[A]

What other like exactly. This is good promo. So like what other band could they went up against where that would even make sense Because. Because if they go to a band that's even to where they maybe could win or not. Not who the is tuning in.

[B]

But there's not that many bands that could even go against it because I do think they're kind of two different type of performers too. Like you said like when Pretty Ricky got. It's like energy, energy, energy, energy. Right. And then when B2K was on stage it was more like lovey dovey stuff without the. The vocals. It's just more choreographed dances.

[A]

And did they do Bum Bum Bum?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I didn't even bring out everybody that was on a song they didn't even play. It was one person missing. You know who was missing?

[F]

No, I'm trying to.

[J]

You never.

[A]

You don't know who on that song.

[F]

The Bum Bum Bum.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Oh, is it R. Kelly?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. You kind of in the.

[B]

So you got it in there. That's crazy.

[A]

In the same jail system.

[B]

Maybe point the gun this way. Not spectacular was humping the out of a girl's st. But it's still nostalgic though because that's it. The people used to love the only.

[A]

The only thing that question. It's just like. Like the humping part.

[H]

Cool.

[A]

But it was like out of her stomach, bro.

[B]

But that's what I said.

[A]

But ain't that weird though because like the other part. He's in between her legs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, okay, obviously, I'm imagining, like, okay, he the.

[B]

Out of her.

[A]

And then at some point. Point he straddles her. Yeah. And then still does the same action. Like, what's going on? But not.

[B]

But it's just funny. Some things that happened back then just seem so cringy now. And that's why, like, Omarion brought out his brother that one time and they were eating watermelons on the stage.

[F]

Yes. Like, they overly freaking.

[B]

Come on now.

[A]

I didn't. I didn't see that.

[B]

You didn't see that?

[A]

Not.

[B]

That was when he went against Mario.

[A]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. But that. But again, that's another thing that sometimes it's probably better to go against somebody that's gonna wash you, and then you get to display your talent because you get more people. Like, if Omarion and Mario. I'm not tuning into that. Maybe I missed it or something like that, or I didn't have time. But if for some reason Mario matched up with Chris Brown, I'm like, I'm about to tune in and see how bad Chris Brown beats the shit out of Mario. But then Mario gets to take that time, and, like, I got more viewers, and he gets. I feel like that's. That should be the matchup. Like, if.

[B]

I'm a good matchup, too, though, just Mario and Chris Brown. Just from a performance standpoint, like, they both, like. I think a lot of these verses that you've seen that be washes is, like, the performance aspect of. It lacks.

[F]

How many of the verses have really been washes, though? I feel like for the most part, they've been pretty.

[B]

I thought dipset versus the locks was kind of a wash.

[A]

I think that was a wash.

[B]

But based basically from this.

[H]

The.

[B]

The performance aspect. Respect. What other live ones were there? I guess Jeezy and Gucci. That was.

[A]

That was probably the closest one.

[F]

Randy and Monica was really good.

[A]

That was. That was. Yeah, that was good, too. But that was more of, like, they were, like, almost collabing.

[B]

Yeah, that one felt like more of a celebration.

[A]

Yeah, that was celebration. The Gucci and Jeezy one. I thought somebody was gonna die and. And little did I know, Pooh Shici got them Serdes. Man, did you see that group chat. Oh, I'm scared of them, dog. That said I need six thirties. That said overstood. Overstood that, bro. The text. I think one of the text message, they said the same time stamp. Like, the responded in less than a minute and said, overstood.

[F]

He just cooked, bro.

[A]

Man, they might get out of that, though. It's gonna take. It's gonna take some ratting, bro.

[E]

That.

[A]

That. I think that. I think somebody. I don't know if people want to get on the stand and be like, seen on the stand like that, but we'll see. Yo, let's take a quick break from today's POD to thank the sponsor of today's episode.

[H]

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[B]

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[B]

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[A]

No, my new pet peeve, okay, is people overdoing the the guys guy thing in front of their girlfriend. Like, I feel like some dudes are nicer when they're around their girl because they want things to be more peaceful. Like, that's what you want. Like when you go out with your girlfriend, you want. You don't want to be mean mugging a dude. You want to Be peaceful with everybody around so you can feel good, like, with your girlfriend and feel safe. But I feel like some dudes be overdoing it. You know what I'm saying? It's like, bro, you don't need to give me a compliment on my shirt while you with your girl, bro. Like, bro, I'm looking, I'm playing, but. But that's why they're doing it. It's like, almost like a defense mechanism. Like, oh, don't look at my girls. Like, bro, I don't want your girl. You don't have to come over to me. I feel like some people are doing that literally to, like, kind of, like, put you in a friend zone so you don't look at their girl or look at their date. It's like, I don't want that girl, bro.

[B]

The thing that irks me, I guess, is, like, when my. I'm walking into a place or something like that, and then that's when the dude decides that he's Mr. PDA. Like, they'll, like, say you're walking past

[F]

and they're like, prove a point.

[A]

Like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Or like, I got in the elevator one time and then he, like, grabbed this girl and then kind of, like, moved over. And like, I'm like, bro, what you

[A]

think was gonna happen as a compliment? What you think she gonna do? Smell this baccarat and leave with me? Maybe I'm getting off on floor three. Like, what they could be chilling, choosing. But that I've. I have seen that.

[E]

And, like.

[A]

And I. When I tell you, it breaks my heart every time I see that. Like, I've legit been out, like, with a group of people and then seen a couple that has been together for two years and watch that woman talk to that dude differently that she just met. And I know that woman doesn't act like that. And just, like, what's making her act like that? And it's like, sometimes women get a bad rap and be like, oh, she's choosing. And just like. Like, it might be. She might be the first dude she ran into that played a piano or going concert or that baccarat. That baccarat got her, man.

[B]

I think sometimes dudes will say someone is choosing or a girl that's choosing when it's like, it's not really that deep. That's true, too, because something like, in a way, like, they'd be like, you walk into a place and the girl's looking at you. It's just like, bro, you had, like a. You wearing this, You Wearing a Cam Newton ass hat right now, of course you're gonna look at your way. You look weird.

[A]

I can't. I can't stand that. That's why I don't hang around people that, like, no offense, that I've never got women. Because it's like they think everything is a scenario.

[B]

Or just the overly horny people in general that get women and they're just overly.

[A]

Yes, even that. Right? Yeah. Yeah. But usually. Right. There's some people that are on the other side of it. Yeah, but it's just like you'll be out in like, especially like with sometimes, like with the podcast. Like, we have a lot of women who listen to the podcast, and so I have a lot more women approach me than what would happen if I didn't have a podcast. But I would say, like 99 of the women are approaching me. Just like a dude would approach me. It's like, oh, you're that guy from the podcast. And when I'm hanging with somebody that I don't usually hang with and that happens, they usually go crazy and they'd be like, bro, she all over you. I'm like, she watches the podcast. Like, she just came over to say, what up? Oh, you can do. I'm like, bro, if I was you,

[B]

bro, I heard that

[F]

you need to stay away from him.

[A]

I don't think people ever question and just be like, okay, I'm like, very honest about myself. Do I think I'm an attractive person? Yes. I think everybody should think that they're attractive. But if someone comes up to you and they're throwing themselves at you, I want you to look around like, okay, if you the only black dude in the. In like you in like Grafton, Wisconsin, and somebody comes up to you and they throwing they self all over you. Okay, this makes sense. Like, I'm. I'm like, I'm like unicorn here.

[E]

Yes.

[A]

I'm something that usually doesn't happen. But if you in a club and it's full of people that look like you and this girl just throwing herself over you or guy just throwing a self at you, you think you the only one that. That happened to tonight. Like, you just the one. Either the first one they seen or you didn't see them on the last interaction is like, you got to think about that. Like, when we be at meet and greets every once in a while. This don't happen at every city, but sometimes there's like a woman there and she just throwing herself at me. It's like, oh, you. You're gonna be doing the same thing at Dinell Rollins show next week. You know what I'm saying to him? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You just like niggas that make you laugh. You just want a fucking dude to make you laug crazy in.

[F]

I can't lie. Why would I go for that?

[A]

Why would I think I. Why would I think I'm special enough? Like, oh, she only want me. And if, like, if you want people that want you like that, then you.

[F]

But that's what you gotta remember. Nowadays, I feel like there are more men out there who will go for that. So now the girls might think it's just easy.

[A]

I think there's. I think there's more men that are getting caught for going for that. And, like, it's known because of cameras and like that.

[E]

Like.

[A]

Like, back in the day. Come on.

[B]

The n. Back in the back days, you seen.

[A]

I'm just saying, you seen Ray Charles nigga was lining up girls, touching their wrists and, like, bringing them.

[F]

Like, that's still. Never mind.

[A]

So you wouldn't let Ray Charles touch your wrist if you were single, bro?

[F]

What?

[J]

No.

[F]

Well, I mean, he could touch the

[B]

wrist, but for what I'm saying, for

[F]

what do I know what he touching it for?

[A]

Tell your mama. Tell your mama. You get to playing that piano now. That's crazy.

[B]

I saw one of our friends, delamo, he posted a Instagram reel of about the NBA players getting drafted or the college players that just got drafted this past draft. And one thing he mentioned that was, you didn't see that many tiers this draft because a lot of these kids have money already, so they're not coming from the rougher background because a lot of them get paid in college, too. So it's like. Like, it's a little different. And it's true. I didn't really see too much. Like,

[F]

That's a fact, though.

[B]

Do you think that's making. I feel like that's still. I still. The talent is still going up at least, though. No, I feel like basketball is one of those sports where you can still have finesse. I feel like with boxing, if you grew up with, I don't know, like, a wealthy family and riches and stuff like that, it's a little harder to, like, get hit in the face then I play finesse.

[A]

I don't even. I don't even think that's true because I'm. You starting to see, like, a lot of former boxer sons. I think that's just The. The new wave we moving into is like sports is like bait. You can make your kid better than what they are by getting them training earlier.

[B]

No, for sure.

[A]

So it's like sports like the same way we looked at golf and hockey, where it's like almost like an entry fee like that you have to pay. Like your parents have to be well off. Yeah. That's what we're starting to see in basketball. It's just like. Like most of these kids have been. You know, you look at their background, they've been playing AAU since they was five and playing travel basketball. There's no such thing as like the kid in the hood who only.

[B]

I don't think that for basketball. I think for boxing, though, it is a little different just because there's not that many. Like, even right now, if I think of any champions, a lot of them had rough backgrounds. I think it's one of those sports that people that are wealthy family. It's like, why am I. Why is my kid boxing?

[A]

I feel like boxing is just behind, I think.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

I think it's on the way, though.

[B]

Yeah. I think also there's a lot of. There's not as much money in it as like NBA too.

[A]

Yes. And there's a new style of boxing now. Like, there's the style of boxing now. More of. It's like, it's more celebrated to not be hit and hit where like back then. It's just like, why would any of George Foreman's kids fight after seeing that fight?

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

It's like.

[B]

But with basketball, like you said though, it's. There's boozers kid that's in the NBA and that's like. That's like the first kid that like, I've seen Carlos Booster play basketball like his kids.

[A]

I mean, LeBron, don't get me started

[F]

with on that one. But I did wanna. I. I miss more hood kids being able to go to the NBA. I truly do. I think it's somewhat ruining. I don't want to say it's fully ruining the NBA and just people's interest in it, but I think people are having a lack of connection with the players because they don't have like a storyline of I have to grind, get it out the mud. Maybe I came from a single mom and like, what's the storyline for kids?

[B]

I think now because a lot of these. There's so much money in basketball, a lot of these kids are getting money in high school now. But it's like there's no. There's no being broke type of situation.

[A]

Why would they think like that? When every NBA legend, every former NBA player gets on a podcast and say, man, I wish I would have took more money. I wish I would have spent more time with my family. Like, every time Shaq get on the podcast, he's like, I wish I would have slowed down. I wish I would have did this. You got nobody that, like, worked hard to be like, I'm glad I worked hard and stayed away from my family. Like, everybody enjoys. So I feel like more people are disconnected. Like, yeah, if somebody getting game seven of the NBA Finals, like, they gonna go hard and they're gonna. It's live or die situation. But, like, as far as, like, regular season, nobody cares. Nobody gives a because. Because they know. They've seen people go hard, get injured, and then everybody forgets them and they don't get paid. So they. Everybody's starting to look at it as more of a business, which they should, because it. This company don't give a about you.

[F]

They don't started the cup. I feel like, like the NBA cup games just to give the players more of an incentive to actually give a damn.

[A]

It's money. That's why the all star game going down. It's like, everything has to do with money. Everything is money driven. But it makes sense, though. People starting to look at basketball as a job, and it used to be, like, a livelihood. Yeah, niggas like, yeah, niggas fighting over this shit. Yo, what's good?

[K]

What's up?

[A]

Welcome to Crash Homies Podcast.

[K]

Thanks. Happy Monday.

[A]

Happy Monday.

[K]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, damn. It is Monday.

[D]

Happy Monday.

[A]

We don't be knowing the days of the week. We just be here at the studio doing whatever I was shooting on a Monday.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Russell. Jet lag.

[A]

Nah, I feel it. Mike just got back from Sweden, so in Amsterdam, so he. A little jet lag. He literally hopped off the plane and called you. That's how special you is.

[K]

Fresh off the plane.

[B]

Fresh off the plane.

[K]

I'm fresh from Flint, so I just got back from Flint.

[A]

No shout out to Flint. That's just the way she said it. Okay, what's it. What's an unpopular opinion that you have?

[K]

Threesomes are supervised cheating.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Supervised cheating.

[A]

Is this from experience or is just, like, overall opinion?

[K]

I would say overall opinion and then from, like, things that I've seen with people around me.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Are you, like, watching the. The threesomes from, like, a chair?

[D]

No.

[K]

I mean, but like, okay, so I know somebody, for example, who like her boyfriend. Like, it's a, okay, let's spice up the relationship type of thing. And she was like talking about it in the group chat and saying, I think I'm gonna try it. Like, let's just see. And long story short, ended up being a horrible experience for her because she was not really interested in girls, but kind of hasn't write it out for him because. Your man already peeping out a girl that he's trying to fuck and get the nerve to come up to you and talk about it like, okay, let's her together. And you say no. Then now he's mad he can't this girl because you said no. Or if you say yes, then you basically letting him some girl that he been wanting to and probably was gonna if you said no regardless.

[A]

But I just don't. I just don't. I just don't get how somebody can have that mindset and then roll right back into the relationship. Like, if you honestly thought your partner was gonna be mad at you because you didn't let them have sex with someone, then how is that even your partner?

[K]

I mean, you'd be surprised though. And then also, do you think he

[B]

know he knew the girl? Do you think he knew the girl he wanted to have a threesome with already?

[K]

Honestly, I think so. Because, I mean, that's a. That's not an easy conversation to bring up. Like, hey, babe, let's. Let's bring a new girl into the bedroom.

[B]

I think it's like a natural hypothetical type of question at the beginning of a relationship.

[K]

I mean, I think it can be. But also, like, if you're the girl, it can kind of catch you off guard. Like, damn, what was wrong with the bedroom in the first place? Like, we gotta spice it up with a whole other person.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, so you. You have. You. Are you in a relationship?

[K]

I am you.

[A]

So your man never brought or a woman ever brought threesomes to you?

[I]

No.

[B]

Do you think he wants a threesome? If you think you present. If you. Do you think if you presented a threesome to him, do you think he'd say yes?

[K]

No.

[A]

That's what you think? No, you dead ass.

[K]

Like, wait, you mean if I'm coming to him?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[K]

Well, I'll probably have to come with another girl because if I come with another, I don't think that's gonna be no.

[H]

No.

[B]

Okay, I get you saying. You're right, it probably would. Another dude, he probably would be like, nah.

[A]

Because you should never assume because a lot of Dudes be like, oh, I want a threesome. And they just assume they girl wants another girl, right?

[K]

So, you know when you talk about another man now, I was, oh, what's wrong with this? And you've been wanting to them, like, it could just open up doors.

[B]

I'm saying, what if you. What if you brought up another girl, though? Do you think he'll say yes?

[K]

I think he might be suspicious.

[A]

Okay, yeah, he'll be suspicious after. After he does.

[B]

He'd be like, babe, post not clarity.

[A]

Hold on.

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay, you like, okay, I told you I was done. And when I was sitting in the chair, y' all was still going at it. What was all that?

[K]

Right? I ain't never seen you do stuff like that before. Now all of a sudden, you know, you will Olympus in the bedroom.

[A]

You know, so you. So you would never. So, like, has your man ever approached you about spicing up the bedroom?

[K]

No, my current boyfriend has it. My ex has.

[A]

Okay, how long you been dating your current boyfriend?

[K]

Six months.

[A]

Okay, give it time. Give it time. Give it time.

[B]

Even. Give it time. But that's especially. He would want a threesome right now. Six months in. You know, y' all barely know each

[A]

other basically right now. Y' all just.

[K]

Exactly six months in. We got a problem. Like, just go ahead.

[A]

It's, like, boring. You know what I mean? Y', all, you know, it's practicing right now when you get, like, a new partner in basketball, y' all work on chess passes and shit. But then eventually he gonna want a three man weave, you know what I'm saying?

[F]

All right, you know what?

[K]

When the topic come up, I'm gonna use that example. And if I call y' all back talking about I got my head not between the washer and dryer, we gonna have to reevaluate.

[A]

You need to call the police.

[B]

What the.

[A]

You need to call the popos. Don't call us.

[B]

All right, you have a good one.

[A]

Call.

[I]

God.

[B]

Yo.

[H]

Hello.

[B]

I hate when people pick up, like, confused. What up, man? I got a question for you. What's something about you that no one would believe?

[H]

Something no one would believe is that I got two dads and they both left me.

[A]

Okay, how. How does that work?

[J]

My.

[H]

My biological dad, he left before I was born. And then my. My. My stepdad, he left when I was like, five.

[A]

Damn double homies. That's not funny, though.

[B]

No, it's not.

[H]

No, I like, but, you know, I cope by laughing.

[A]

Yeah, same like when I like when something real serious, I get little Chuck Lee ain't gonna lie because it's up. So you have no contact with either to this day. How old are you now?

[H]

I'm 23.

[A]

23. No contact with either one of them?

[J]

No.

[H]

I was in contact with my stepdad and then he ghosted me like three years ago ago.

[A]

Three years ago he checked back in.

[H]

He owed me money, so I needed. He just taught.

[A]

What do you, like, what do you do for a living?

[H]

I'm just like government worker.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Good job. You know what I'm saying?

[H]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, they missing out.

[G]

I hope.

[B]

Like,

[A]

another question.

[B]

This is gonna sound so bad.

[J]

Oh, man.

[B]

Your mom in your life, right?

[H]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Did she ever say, like, what happened? Why both of them left?

[H]

I don't know about my biological dad, but I think my stepdad, he got.

[C]

He.

[H]

He was faking checks or something. I don't know.

[B]

He was what?

[H]

He got like, deported.

[A]

Oh, so he didn't leave you? He got deported?

[H]

No, but like, it was his fault. Like, he definitely could have stayed if

[A]

you locked in, but that. But he didn't leave you, though. He just like, was being. He did something else. Like he didn't leave on purpose. He wasn't like, set himself up so he can get out of the situation.

[H]

I mean, like, fair, but like, low key. Like you could just be like a decent human and just not get deported, you know? Like, it was definitely like, he made. He took actions and behavior that's like, you know, it wasn't like an accident to me.

[C]

I ain't need him then.

[H]

And I don't need him then, Will.

[A]

Nah, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'm gonna get through college without him. I'm gonna get a great job without him. I'm gonna marry me a beautiful honey and I'm having a whole bunch of kids. I'm gonna be a better father than he ever was. And I sure as hell don't need a fit. Cause ain't a damn thing he could ever teach me about how to love my kids.

[H]

Is that what it's meant?

[A]

How come he don't want me, man?

[H]

I think. I think I actually cried when I

[G]

saw that for the first time as a kid.

[E]

Probably.

[A]

Probably double the cry, huh?

[C]

Joking, bro.

[B]

I just try to bring some. Some laughter to this situation because it's a up situation. Why are you telling us that both your dad left you.

[A]

Like, I wonder if they got it.

[C]

I wonder.

[A]

I wonder if they text. Like, yeah, man, they got you got

[G]

out of there too.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

Just talked to him three years ago.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Little still weird, man.

[E]

I check in.

[B]

Don't worry, bro.

[A]

At least no both of them. No real.

[B]

You're doing well for yourself, right?

[A]

If I ever run into them, I beat the out of both of them for you, bro.

[B]

Facts.

[H]

Thank you, man.

[A]

Real. I do got, I do gotta ask, like, what? Like why did they leave before I start swinging? Just in case. It's like a valid. But I'm 99.9. Sure I'm swinging on them. But just that point one is just like, yo, he a weird ass kid. Oh, yeah, I get it.

[B]

I appreciate you, bro. You have a good one.

[H]

Yeah, you too much.

[A]

We ain't gonna leave you, bro.

[B]

We here for you, bro.

[H]

Oh, thank you. Can I like text you guys and stuff?

[B]

No, but block that.

[A]

We out too. Make it seven.

[B]

What it do? What it do? Welcome to Crash Enemies podcast.

[G]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[B]

I got a question for you. What's something about you that no one would believe? Believe.

[G]

All right. Something about me nobody will believe is my body count is 1.5.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Like, I guess the question is where the 0.5 come from?

[C]

So

[G]

I'm not the type to not count my bodies. Cuz if you got a body, you got a body. But like, I just can't bring myself to give this one a whole point, you know? I mean, I think it doesn't deserve it. I don't think it met the requirements. But I'll tell y' all this story and y' all tell me, like, am I. Should it count as a body? Or like, am I good?

[H]

Okay,

[G]

but this was. It was back like a couple years ago.

[B]

No, no backstory. Just get straight to it. Like, what? Why is it not about.

[A]

Yeah, we don't play that foreplay.

[B]

We don't need. We don't need the whole backstory. We'll ask the questions we needed.

[A]

There's a little bit up and go.

[G]

All right, basically it was 3am

[H]

I

[G]

was out of character. I picked the girl up from her house, we went to a random dark ass parking lot. Not even a parking lot. It was a street with no houses. Somehow it was under construction. I don't know. And it was just like, it didn't smell good. I started getting that air and then like, not even like five minutes into it, I got. I. I basically got post nut clarity before. You know what I'm

[D]

saying?

[G]

Like, I got premature post nuclear.

[A]

Okay?

[G]

So I don't think so. Like, I had to dead it. I felt bad, but like, I couldn't. I gotta go. My just like KC you know what I'm saying? I'm doing this for me.

[B]

So you two tapped in. How'd you. How'd you bring it to a halt? I guess

[G]

I halted it. What you mean? I just. I. I just was like, you know what? I'm sorry. I gotta go home. And then I put my shirt back on. She stayed in the back seat for some reason. So I was just. I was a taxi driver at that point.

[A]

That is crazy. Turning into an Uber driver after a failed mission is crazy.

[B]

No, that still counts as a body, though.

[G]

But does it, though?

[B]

Yes, bro.

[E]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

No, it definitely. It definitely count as a body. It actually count more as a body than that first one that you holding on to. You know what I'm saying? Because it's like, why. Yes, the bad experiences count more of a body than, like, the good experiences. Because if you had, like, a good experience and then it's like. Let's say it's a one night stand, but you and a girl still got respect for each other and y' all become friends, that body kind of disappears. But when it's like a bad body, like, next time you see this girl out in public, that's all either one of y' all can think about you telling us. So I know you told your friends.

[D]

Friends?

[A]

She telling all her friends. More people know about this body than they do your other one body. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[G]

No, no.

[A]

Dead ass, bro.

[G]

She cannot have told nobody. No, no, no.

[A]

She definitely tells, but whoever she didn't tell, you filled the cup with the rest of the by telling the podcast.

[G]

All right, but nobody, like, nobody knows, though. You're not like, I drove. I drove 45 to 50 minutes away for this. It was far from home. You know what I'm saying? Nobody knows. For real.

[A]

Okay, Spider man.

[G]

But my. My other body, though, is solid. That's my girlfriend, bro.

[H]

Whoa.

[A]

But it was so this way.

[B]

Who was first?

[A]

Come on, bro.

[G]

Does it matter?

[A]

No. No way. You set us up. You had me thinking, like, you like, some innocent dude or something like that. That's what. You get it.

[G]

No, I am, though.

[A]

So you.

[G]

But.

[A]

But you cheated, and then you dro. You drove 50 minutes to cheat? That's crazy.

[G]

No, no, no, no. It was before. That one was before. But I'm saying I have 1.5, because after that, I still had zero bodies.

[A]

So that girl took your virginity?

[G]

No, no, I still had zero bodies after that.

[A]

But I'm just saying, like, if we count that body, she took her virginity

[B]

because you said 0.5.

[A]

Still that 0.5?

[G]

I guess, bro.

[A]

Oh, you mad she took your Virginia?

[B]

Okay, I can kind of see why you don't want to count it. Because of your first.

[A]

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Did you tell your girlfriend that you're her first?

[H]

Yeah.

[A]

So your girlfriend doesn't know about this body?

[G]

Fuck no. Only.

[A]

That's why you hold only two people.

[G]

Only two people know about this.

[A]

Oh, yeah, we g. Hey, we got your secret. We got you. Yeah, we not gonna tell nobody.

[B]

Are stupid, bro. Who stupid, bro, Bro, you.

[D]

You.

[B]

You can't add either.

[A]

Wait, how old are you?

[G]

20.

[A]

20. Okay. You need to experience a little bit more. Had one bad sex experience and then found his wife, ran to the first good smelling coochie he could find. So this smell good? I'm staying.

[B]

Oh, man. All right, man.

[G]

Well, I got a bona pick with y' all real quick.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

What you got? Got what you got?

[D]

My.

[G]

Oh, actually, no, I can't say this.

[A]

Your girl? What?

[G]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

What you was about to say about your girl,

[G]

bro. She asked y' all to tell me happy birthday, and y' all stop responding. And that same week on the pod, y' all told somebody else happy birthday.

[A]

Who? Who? Did she reach out to the main page?

[G]

That don't matter.

[A]

She had to reach out, bro.

[B]

Obviously, we. If we saw it, we would have said it. Yeah, Happy birthday, bro. We're saying you're right now.

[A]

When was your birthday?

[G]

See, I. You act like I don't watch the pod, bro. I watch the pod. Come on.

[A]

What?

[E]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Get this off the phone.

[G]

No, I already know. Y' all got the little FBI switching

[B]

to that fact for you.

[A]

Why don't we switch for you?

[B]

Like.

[A]

Like, be honest.

[G]

Like, look, but look, but look, but look. I'm a real one. I started off audio listener. I'm not gonna lie. I started off on Spotify. I'm on the YouTube now. Patreon. Coming soon. Soon as I turn 21, I'm there for the live show.

[A]

All our live shows aren't 21 plus. Just depends on, like, where we're at.

[B]

So what city you live in, though?

[G]

Yo, Ty, come on, bro.

[B]

That was me. That.

[A]

That's mine.

[B]

I'm saying, what city do you go live in so I can tell you the venue?

[G]

No, bro, I'mma just. I trust I'll be there.

[A]

Bro, you act like.

[B]

Bro, you act like. We can't just look at your profile is everything about you.

[A]

You're trying to hold that secret you trying to hold, the secret that you had sex before your girlfriend. That bad? You must have lied about. You must. That must have been part of your selling point of being her boyfriend, that you were a virgin. It had to be. Nah, like you wouldn't say that, you deep end. And what would be wrong? Was she a virgin when she came to you?

[J]

No.

[A]

Then what's wrong with that?

[H]

That?

[G]

Well, I. I already overcame obstacles with her, so. Like why I said another one, bro.

[A]

How you overcome what? Like, what obstacles did you overcome?

[G]

This might be even crazier, but I had a. I had a really close friend and I had been know her before I met my girl. So I told my girl she was my cousin and she lived out of state because I moved states. After I met her, her and I basically went back to visit and I was staying at her house and my cousin. My girl thought she was my cousin the whole time. And then she found out that wasn't my cousin. So you can imagine how she tweaked out and what she thought about it.

[A]

But you didn't have sex with that girl?

[G]

No. Hell no. She was my really close friend.

[A]

How many like.

[G]

Well, I was like, if I say that's my friend, it's not believable, bro. If I'm staying at her house.

[A]

Yeah, bro, you're like, yeah, the problems you're going through are very minuscule. You're just creating.

[B]

20, bro.

[A]

20. And he's creating drama for himself. Like, you literally could have just been

[B]

honest that think he on Love island or some. Create his own plot.

[I]

What?

[A]

You literally could admit it to both of these. I'm pretty sure you would still have your girl. Like, there's like, these are very like minimal things. The lie is worse than both of those things.

[G]

But I still got my girl anyways.

[B]

All right, for now.

[A]

Now, bro, if you lying about this, you'll lie about anything, bro. You just bound to get caught up and it's be stupid ass lies that could easily be broken. Like, look, man, if she get a hold of that other girl with the. With the stinky, she gonna.

[B]

All right, man. You have a good one, bro.

[G]

All right, y' all too.

[C]

Yo, what's happening with y' all boys, man?

[A]

What's good? I got a question for you.

[C]

Yeah, talk to me.

[A]

All right, let's use something different. I got a question for you,

[H]

man.

[C]

Pat always on the man. Ask the question.

[A]

That's better than what he said before. He's like, talk to me on some weird. All right, I got you, bro, if you could change the price of anything to a dollar, what would you change?

[C]

I would change getting out on bond to a dollar,

[A]

like for this to apply to you or, like, apply to your homeboy so you can get them out.

[C]

No, I feel like if it applied to everybody in general, like, I feel like people would take, like, less risk if they knew that like a could get out on bond for a dollar. You feel me?

[A]

I don't. I don't think that makes sense.

[B]

It doesn't at all.

[C]

No, no. So. So check me out. Check me out. So, like, if. If you're out somewhere and you know, like, y' all got like the podcast to lose, I got like this legal to lose, right? And a know that, you know, he come up to you and he like, hey, I smack the out of you. You know, something like that, right? You got to think about the stuff that you got to lose to that. But if you got. If you could get out on bomb for a dollar, hey, you might take things differently or they might not say that or.

[A]

But that. But that's. But that's. But that's dumb though, because, like, if you're getting out on bond, the charges don't go away. You just getting out on bond, on bond, and you still got to go to your court date.

[B]

If someone's a terror to society and they go to jail, say, let's say some type of DV stuff going on, right? And they go to jail and they can get out for a dollar, you think it would be more DV cases, don't you think?

[C]

All right, all right, Mikey. Changed my mind, bro. You should be able to get out for a dollar only on certain charges.

[A]

What chart. What charges should you be able to get out a dollar?

[C]

Let's. Stealing for sure, you know, assault, but not DV for show. And then all of the other minor, you should go away for killing. Dv. All of that, you should go away. Everything else a dollar.

[A]

Okay. What? Have you ever been out on bar?

[C]

No, I'm a lawyer here,

[H]

Bro.

[B]

I feel sorry for your clients, brother.

[A]

You

[H]

really do.

[A]

But, like, I honestly think that just going off, like how Mike was able to change your mind that quick, I think. I think you're. You're a bad lawyer and. Wait, wait, let me finish this. No, no, no, no, let me finish. And. And because you're a bad lawyer, I want you to go buy a big ass suit. That way people know that you're a bad lawyer when they see you.

[C]

Actually, I'm a great lawyer. I don't Look, I don't practice. I don't practice criminal law.

[A]

Oh, we know. We don't. You have to tell us.

[C]

No, Mike made a. Mike made a good point, bro.

[F]

I.

[C]

You know, as a real bro, if you make a good point, he make a good point.

[A]

My lawyer is saying, as a real.

[D]

I'm doing.

[A]

Good news, the payment went through. Bad news, you got. Hey, it is what it is, bro.

[B]

All right, bro. You have a good one, man.

[A]

No, man.

[J]

All right, man.

[C]

Hey, hey, shout out to y' all podcast, bro. I've been with y' all for a long time, bro. Really be getting me through, bro.

[A]

Man, shout out to your inmate clients, man, For y', all, the biggest

[B]

stay in appeal court. Appeal, appeal, appeal, appeal. That's all that know.

[A]

That favorite words to tell his client, we'll be back, bro. That already got the rally speech

[B]

already coming out. We not really. The little media that be coming out today wasn't that day in court. Neither was yesterday or the day before.

[A]

Now, what's your record, bro?

[B]

Gene.

[C]

Hey, my clients with me, bro.

[A]

What's your record, bro?

[C]

I'm not a criminal. I'm not a criminal attorney, bro. I do contracts and.

[A]

But I'm just saying, what's your record, dude? Like, what, do you win cases or what? Oh, of course, bro.

[I]

I don't.

[A]

I don't lose, bro. I don't lose.

[I]

Okay.

[A]

Just stay away from criminal, bro.

[C]

I. Hey, I take your advice, too. Since I. Since I took Mike's advice, I'm gonna take your advice.

[A]

What's the word? Welcome to Crash on me's podcast.

[I]

What's the word? Was the word. Pleasure to be here.

[A]

Pleasure. Where are you from?

[I]

Me From New York.

[A]

Oh, okay. Didn't it sound like you had a different lingo at first?

[B]

Yeah, a little bit.

[A]

Like, what are you. Like, where. Like, where are you from?

[I]

From the city. I'm Mexican.

[A]

Okay. That's what it is. A Mexican New Yorker. Okay, I'm starting to put it together now. Question for you.

[I]

All right, what's the question?

[A]

If you could change the price of anything to a dollar, what would it be and why?

[I]

Okay, so I said I would change the price of escorts because they'd be so expensive. Imagine all the escort you could get for a dollar. And I don't know if you guys been Roosevelt in New York or if you heard about it.

[H]

No.

[B]

No.

[I]

Well, it's like a whole strip brand, right? Like, there's so much talent. Like, you know, Colombian, Venezuelan. Like, man, all the. You could get just $1

[A]

okay, let's just say, like, this. This scenario is true and they actually cost a dollar. Like what? Like, what are you talking here? Like, what are you putting together,

[I]

like, a roster? Like a squad?

[C]

You could say.

[I]

Let me see, how many odds? How many girls can I choose, though?

[A]

You can do whatever. You got the amount of money, like, we're going off your. Based off your bank account and what you usually spend and, like, the actual, like, are you able to house all these girls?

[I]

It's not like I usually go, nah, nah. I have a whole girlfriend. I don't go. I used to go, but not anymore.

[B]

Okay, what were you paying back then?

[I]

Maybe, let's say, like, 100, 120.

[A]

120.

[J]

Yeah.

[I]

But I was like, for what? I. For, like, 45 minutes.

[B]

45 minutes?

[I]

45 minutes.

[A]

Just one girl.

[I]

It was everything, you know.

[A]

Okay, so that's what you was going for. We're just trying to figure out because, you know, some people be doing it for, like, oral. Some people literally be doing it just to hang with a girl. He want to hang with a Babbage type. And, like, so what would you do with that 120 if you were still in that scenario because you got a girlfriend now?

[I]

Let me see. I would get probably a Colombian. I'm not gonna lie, because they're so bad. Let me see. I'll get a Dominican. You know, they are fat ass. And I'm not gonna lie. You know, I'm Mexican. I never been with a black woman, but they'd be having black woman, and they're just so beautiful. I'll get one just to try one. So I think that would be my roster. Those three.

[B]

Okay. What's your girlfriend?

[I]

I don't know. I don't know. My girlfriend's a Ghidorian.

[B]

South America.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

So when this question came up, Right. And you saw this question on our story, right?

[I]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What made you go to escorts if you're already in a relationship?

[I]

Why? I just imagine, like, if I was single, you know, I would just go. Instead of doing all that effort, like, you know, taking a girl, talking to a girl, paying for her food, I just waste a dollar and, you know, bust a nut and that's it.

[B]

So as a person that's never, like, paid for an escort, right. You got to kind of walk me through this. What? The day you decide that you want to start paying, what was kind of going through? Were you just, like a dry spell for you?

[I]

You. No, I just wanted to. To be honest, wanted to bust his nut and like, since it's a well known spot around in New York, then, you know, everyone knows to go there. You guys come to New York, I'll show you around. No, I mean, I know you guys got.

[B]

No, thank you.

[I]

I know you.

[A]

We know you going. Even though you got a girl.

[E]

We.

[B]

When's the last time you went?

[I]

I probably like, what, four or three years ago.

[A]

Four or three years ago.

[I]

I've been with my girl. Four.

[A]

You said three.

[I]

Yeah, I gotta remember at night. It's four. It's four.

[B]

Does she know that you used to.

[I]

No, she never. She would. She doesn't know. She would never find out.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

We're not even gonna try to get you caught, bro. Hey, like, oh, maybe. Hopefully you reform.

[E]

You.

[A]

You swear you're not doing that to her so our. Our women listeners don't get mad at us?

[I]

Yeah, yeah, I swear I'm not doing that to her. I'm a loyal guy. We didn't get changed.

[A]

Okay, good. Congratulations, bro.

[I]

Yeah, yeah, thank you. Thank you.

[A]

Nasty piece of.

[I]

Wait, wait, I gotta mention, you guys, I mentioned something.

[A]

Go ahead, you guys.

[I]

You guys. Well, first, shout out to my brother Wilbur and my cousin Brandon. I mean, even though. Even though she might not hear it, like, shout out to Sabrina Carpenter, you know, she's fine as hell. Not gonna lie.

[G]

Lie.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[I]

I don't know if you know who that is.

[B]

We don't, but you shouldn't be saying this.

[A]

You got a girl. N. It's.

[I]

It's okay. It's okay. My girl doesn't listen to this. She won't know.

[A]

Okay.

[I]

And then last time, I mean, you guys called my brother and you guys told him that you're going to put on the podcast, and you guys never put him.

[A]

What was your brother? What was your brother name? See if I remember him.

[I]

Wolver, I think he was on the phone. He was delivering pizza or something.

[A]

Where's he from here?

[I]

From Mexico too. We live in the same place.

[A]

Oh, same. Same New York. Near Roseville.

[I]

No, no, no, no, no, no. As well. I mean, he does actually live near. More near than me, though.

[A]

Okay, I'm gonna lie. Is he?

[I]

Yeah.

[A]

So who older out of y' all two?

[I]

Me. Me. We actually went to your Brooklyn show. I don't even remember. I was in the front and you came out, you said like, oh, why you smiling too much?

[A]

What you look like? What you look like? What you look like? I gotta remember this.

[I]

Me, I. What? Short black hair, six feet?

[A]

Oh, okay. Oh, did I meet you? What was your name?

[I]

Again, Steven.

[B]

Oh my God, you're such an idiot, bro. You're so stupid, bro.

[A]

Oh, my God, bro.

[B]

Have a good one, bro.

[I]

All right, take care.

[A]

Yo, what's up?

[E]

What up?

[J]

I forgot which.

[A]

Which question we'll remind you, bro.

[B]

What's something about you that no one would believe?

[A]

Oh, when I go to ATMs.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Sometimes, like, you know how the ATM got the little trash can for you to dump your receipts, receipt at the end of it?

[I]

Yeah.

[A]

So I ain't gonna lie. Sometimes I'll be at the atm, I put my money out, now grab one and just look at it. Just to compare trash my account stuff to other people. What do you usually find?

[B]

What was the biggest?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

What was the biggest amount you seen?

[A]

Biggest I find. Well, usually fine, it'd be like a hundred dollars, 200.

[I]

And that counts.

[A]

And the biggest one I found, it might have 40k in a checkers account. And I'm like, God damn.

[B]

So what do you do with that information?

[A]

Realistically?

[I]

Nothing.

[A]

Does it. I. I use it. Does it motivate you a little bit? I mean, I know, you know, I gotta save more, but I mean, life.

[B]

So what's the lowest you've seen?

[A]

Somebody had an account and it was

[I]

negative 37 at the ATM is craz.

[A]

They probably got denied and they just got the receipt. I've been there before, bro.

[B]

I've definitely had negatives in my account.

[A]

I literally tried to go to the ATM and get $60 and then got a receipt back. Like, nah, nigga, you owe us,

[B]

right? I always select not to show my balance either on those receipts.

[A]

No, we show my balance, especially now. Yeah, niggas, niggas like this. A little motivation.

[B]

No, I don't want to see my balance. I don't even like checking my bank

[A]

account account, you know what I'm saying? I never pulled my receipt out, so. Yeah, you're catching me. Like, I'm catching up. If somebody not to say what's in your bank account, but if somebody saw your bank account, would they be motivated or what?

[J]

Hey, man, he doing okay.

[A]

Okay, that's good. That's all that matter in this economy, bro.

[I]

Yeah.

[J]

The way the world's going, hey, I'm doing okay.

[A]

Rent paid, I'm good. That's right, bro. Bills paid, rent pay. You got a girl?

[I]

Yeah, yeah, she, she, she chilling.

[A]

She chilling. You take care of hers? Yeah, yeah, I do.

[E]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

That's all that matter. I'm just trying to like, up your. You got a Girl, job, car, place to live.

[I]

You.

[A]

You doing good, bro. You got money left over in a bank account. Not a lot of Americans can say that. Not a lot of people around the world, you know? I mean, you're doing good. I appreciate that.

[H]

S. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[A]

But that 40k, don't let him around your girl.

[E]

If he.

[D]

If he.

[A]

If I see him. Listen, we got a box.

[B]

All right, bro. You have a good one, bro.

[C]

All right, man.

[A]

Y' all be easy.

[B]

All right? Peace.

[H]

Yo, take your time, bro. Take your time.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Shut up.

[H]

Hey, welcome to this Mike, this mic.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Welcome to Crowds Dummies podcast, bro.

[J]

Bro.

[H]

What's going on, brother? How you doing, man?

[B]

Pretty good yourself, man.

[H]

Hey, living the dream, man. Living the dream.

[B]

All right, I got a question for you, man. What's something about you that. What's something. What's something about you that.

[H]

Hold on.

[G]

Take.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. What's something.

[H]

It's a Patreon episode. This Patreon.

[A]

Oh, no, bro, you just yapping. Damn. Let that ask a question.

[B]

What's something about you that. Oh, my gosh. All right, I'm. Wait.

[D]

Sorry.

[B]

All right. What's something about you that people wouldn't believe?

[H]

I love being messy with my wife when she tell me the business about her friends.

[B]

In what way?

[H]

So it's. It's, you know, it's different. You know, it's cool. You got your guys, you got your friends. You know, you're able to, you know, talk about mess with your. With your boys, but it's better when your wife bring it to you about her friends friends, you know? See what I'm saying? Your girlfriend, your long term relationship, like, she. She want to be able to tell you mess about her friends. It's better than whatever mess. Whatever kind of BS your friends on is better than what. What you got? Whatever you tell us is always better.

[B]

What was some of the. The messy stuff your. Your girl told you about her friends, man?

[H]

Hold on. She right here now. Hold on. So it's like so one. Apparently one of her friends husbands be coming to bed. Coming to bed musty. And still after coming from the gym, funky as hell. I want to come and lay up with her. And she don't be wanna. She don't be with it. My wife be like, now what do I tell her? Because he be coming to bed musty. Funky as hell.

[C]

But like, why?

[H]

What can I do to encourage her, you know, be intimate with her spouse. But like, I don't nobody Would be on nobody who's musty. That's how I feel.

[A]

No, I feel that. Okay, so my, my question to you is, you don't think you've ever been the subject and I'm just group?

[H]

Hell no. No. My wife right here. Let me ask her. Have I ever been the topic of any conversations about being musty going to bed?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. It's not. It's not specifically being musty. It's like, have you been a topic of a conversation that you don't know anything about? Because obviously that dude, that's musty.

[H]

I'm sure. I mean, I mean, I'm sure probably not musty.

[A]

Let. Let her answer it. That's what I'm trying to.

[J]

Oh, go ahead, babe.

[H]

You got it.

[D]

He wrote right here.

[A]

It's controlling ass.

[H]

I put it on the podcast.

[A]

Let her talk, bro.

[D]

Hello. Hi.

[B]

Y good yourself?

[D]

I'm doing well. M Happy Wednesday International.

[B]

Happy.

[A]

I'm not. I'm not going to lie. I'm not even trying to be. Be rude, but like, it sounds like it's like a somebody like mocking a woman's voice. Like, is her voice that high?

[J]

High.

[H]

He's a. Oh, okay, okay.

[A]

No, I hear it.

[B]

No, I hear it.

[A]

I hear it now. I hear it now.

[E]

My fault.

[A]

I hear.

[B]

I hear voice International.

[A]

Happy International. I had to make sure he wasn't pranking us because her voice was high as hell.

[J]

Okay.

[H]

It's cool.

[D]

Oh, no, I understand. He's like that. He's crazy.

[A]

Oh, she said I'm crazy. Okay, have. Has he ever been a subject of conversation with the group chat that he don't know about?

[D]

Yes,

[A]

I told you, bro. He nervous laughing. What was it?

[H]

We'll find out more. Nikki, you ask her.

[I]

Hold on.

[A]

What? Like, what was the subject? If you could be real with us?

[D]

Okay, so basically I'll say, like, this is because we're married now, but while we were dating, it had been my first, like, real long term relationship that I had had like in a few years. So the friend that I'm talking to that he's talking about right now, she was able to really like, to help me. Even though she's not really too, too happy in her relationship, I feel like she was able to give some good advice on, like, how to handle different situations. Because I think that, like, as we were, as I was coming into the relationship, sometimes you can have kind of delusional.

[A]

Okay, what did he do?

[B]

Talking too much.

[A]

Y' all perfect for. My fault.

[I]

You're right.

[A]

You're right. My fault.

[D]

He can be a little bit arrogant sometimes, and at first, it was one of the things that I liked about him, but then he started getting to talk too much trash, and he started getting on my nerves.

[B]

I can hear it.

[A]

So. So did you, like. So you had to go to your, like, homegirl to be like, what do I do about it? What advice does she give? Give you?

[D]

Yes, be. Exactly. Because she was basically telling me, like, to express myself. But make sure you do it in a way that, like, still conveys the love in the relationship, because the friend that we talking about, that she's married to, he's close with a friend, so sometimes they have, like, the same behavior. And so she knows exactly what I'm talking about.

[A]

God ain't got.

[B]

He's just not musty like her.

[H]

Oh, hell, no.

[A]

He don't know that.

[B]

Yeah, he don't know.

[A]

He don't know that.

[B]

Yeah. She might just got used to your

[A]

st. She literally say, y' all two birds of a feather that together.

[H]

Come on, now.

[A]

That musty. You musty, too.

[B]

But do you know that that is true, though, if he's musty.

[H]

No, it's not.

[B]

No, no, no, no. And just. You might. You might not be musty, right. But people will think that you're also musty because proximity to.

[A]

And I'm people.

[H]

I'm. I'm with you. I'm with you, Mike, but, like, not. Not. Not that far, man.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. You never know, though.

[A]

What's. Okay. What's. What's. What's something. Let's. I want to lead this positive. What's something y' all love about each other?

[I]

One thing.

[H]

Oh, yeah, my wife, man, she can talk about anybody. She talks to anybody.

[I]

She can have a. Have a good time.

[H]

She can blend in, mesh well with anyone. For me, I'm just here. I'm just. I'm happy to be a part of whatever she got going on.

[D]

So, I'm sorry, let me make a correction, because what he said was, she can talk about anybody. I think she. He misspoke. And what he meant was, she can talk to anybody.

[H]

I knew.

[I]

I feel what I meant.

[H]

I said what I mean.

[D]

But anyway, something I like about him is that he can stick. He can make a boundary and really stick to it. I can be more of a people pleaser, so I appreciate him in that way.

[A]

Oh, he'll be standing on business for you, huh?

[H]

And he's not funky.

[A]

She's still. She. She still has not confirmed. Have you ever. Have you ever Smelled him musty. Like, has he ever been musty around?

[H]

You see?

[A]

No Cap. That's Cap. She's lying.

[H]

No, you.

[A]

She's living.

[D]

He can go without a shower like, for the next.

[A]

You just got good genetics. You musty just like the other.

[J]

He just.

[B]

I say she just used to his st. She just.

[A]

Where K at, man?

[H]

Where k. Oh, my God.

[A]

No, kid, he just get flat. The other dude just get flack for it. This get away with it. Cuz he. He don't get musty easy.

[B]

All right, bro. You have a good one, bro.

[A]

Take a shower.

[H]

Patreon listeners.

[B]

Hey, bro. Appreciate you. Yo, welcome to Crash Dummies Podcast. Our. Are you.

[D]

I'm good. How are you?

[B]

Pretty good. Happy international woman century, by the way.

[D]

Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

[B]

I didn't want to say that.

[A]

I don't know why they trying. They trying to spin a narrative that I'm misogynistic, so Mike feeding into it. Yeah, they trying to, like. They trying to get me out of here. They don't know if I get. If I get too much push back, I just quit. Like, I don't give a. I live my life. Anywho, how you doing?

[E]

1.

[D]

I'm great.

[F]

How are y'?

[K]

All?

[J]

Good.

[A]

Good, good, good. We got a question for you.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Or not a question. Anywho. Name something that sounds fake, but it's actually real.

[D]

My old friend started beefing me just so she could with my old sneaky link.

[B]

Old. Old. Old sneaky link. Okay.

[A]

Oh, okay. Let's. How she start something?

[B]

So wait, hold on, hold on. Let's just get to the sneaky link part. So you were. You had a sneaky link. So that means you were in a relationship and this is somebody you were seeing.

[D]

No, no, no. So, like, you know, we really have no relations for. We were just, you know, sneaking and geeking type of thing.

[A]

Oh, this is. This is like. What the. You calling this, bro? I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, okay. I knew that already. I can tell. I can tell you not a cheater. I don't know why. Micah soon that. No, no, no.

[B]

That's what sneaky link means, though.

[A]

But no, it don't. Sneaky link is sometimes just somebody you

[B]

trying to see on the low.

[A]

No, it's friends with benefits, but you don't want anybody to know, so it's your sneaky link. Sneaky link don't always have to mean cheating. Clock them, ladies. Clock them. Anywho, what was he talking about again?

[B]

How you borrowed that shirt from me.

[A]

Oh, yeah, this is this out of my closet. Nigerian special.

[G]

Special.

[A]

I like a goalie. Oh, yeah. Well, we can't remember what the. She said.

[B]

Back to your story.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. What's your. How do you know your best friend was doing that?

[D]

So she started trying.

[B]

Of course it cut off. Of course it cut off. When he started. Hold on. Start again. She was what?

[A]

All right, all right. Make it tight.

[B]

Pause, pause, pause. I don't care. Keep it there. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You cut off. This is like very bad on women's international century as well. Go ahead.

[A]

We childish.

[B]

Start again, please. I'm sorry. It cut off.

[D]

So she started getting mad at me about stuff that I didn't know about. I asked one of our mutual friends what was going on. And I tried to talk to her. I'm like, hey, like, what's going on? And she just, like, was getting mad over everything, even when I tried to ask her what was going on. So she just ain't want to be friends no more. I'm like, all right, right, cool. Can't do anything else about it. But then next thing I know, I pe certain stuff and he telling me like, yeah, she over here trying to get some dick. I was like, whoa. She knew good. And well we was trying.

[B]

Or successively, like, did.

[D]

I don't know, because I stopped with him, but.

[A]

So you never. So you don't even know if it went down.

[D]

Someone else told me it did, but okay. It never came from neither one of their mouths type.

[A]

Got it Right. You're right. Why would it. It's a sneaky link, you know, but

[B]

if you're not friends, what does she owe you?

[A]

But she. No, no, she does owe her. What are you talking about?

[B]

Is it not friends?

[A]

No, but she.

[D]

Because she.

[A]

She started a fight. So that means that she already had. She probably had already had sex with him and then was like, oh, I don't want to look like a bad person, and then started to fight with you. I'm letting you know now. Now that don't even. The timeline don't even seem right. Like, oh, I wanna her sneaky link. So now I'm gonna start a fight and then him. It's like, exactly. It probably already happened. They probably already. And she was like, oh, she gonna find out Imma look like a bad person. Let me make it look like we fell out.

[B]

They probably were sneaky links then, right?

[A]

I mean, because, like, she knows I

[D]

don't play that, like, you know, backdoor. Like, I don't like none of that sneaky Just tell me head up, like, what's going on?

[B]

Only you can do.

[A]

But she's not doing sneaky, sneaky link. No, she just got her friends with benefits.

[B]

Yeah, no, but it's her sneaky link.

[A]

But the other girl is a true sneaky link because she going behind her back. She backdoor her friend. That's sneaky. Away from your friend. You supposed to like.

[H]

You.

[A]

You can have a sneaky link and all your friends know who it is. Just. It's just not the whole world.

[D]

Exactly. I'm not proud to be posted up like, hey, I'm gonna go get some dig from this.

[A]

No saying eyes crazy. That just threw my whole day. Saying I on a dick is crazy. I don't like how that sounds.

[B]

I'm about to kiss a dick.

[A]

Doesn't sound too pleasant to me.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

All right, all right. Let's. Let's end this here.

[B]

You have a good one.

[D]

Thank you. Me and my friend. Love the pie.

[B]

I appreciate it.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait. What friend?

[D]

No, not that friend.

[A]

I don't talk to her no more. Okay? This is a new friend. You trust her?

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Trust.

[B]

I mean, you trust her for now.

[D]

I trust her. For real.

[B]

Until she give you something to do, like not trust her trust.

[A]

Why are you trying to drive him apart?

[B]

That's what I'm just saying. The first time, her guard was down and she got caught laughing.

[A]

Now saying her guard down. Now you worry about her. Come on. Her guard not down. She know what she doing. She got confidence. She own to the next period. Ah, exactly.

[B]

You have a good one.

[J]

What's up?

[B]

What up? What up?

[H]

My fault.

[J]

My mic was off the first time.

[B]

You good, bro? Pat was mad as hel. He said we shouldn't call you back,

[J]

but I'm already knowing that. Hate me. It's cool.

[B]

I don't know why he be, bro.

[A]

I don't know.

[J]

If you don't got haters, he not doing all right.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

No, no, no. Listen, listen. Mike is trying to like. Mike is trying to make me beef with every caller we have. I don't get it. Don't fall for it, bro. You know, I would have said something already. You know, I would have popped off.

[B]

I don't even know.

[I]

Pat.

[J]

Pat, you say you stay disrespecting me on Tik Tok Live.

[A]

So what? Who is it?

[B]

I have no clue.

[J]

I'm the I that be drinking hella.

[A]

Oh, the Taylor port. What is he drinking? Oh, okay.

[J]

That Taylor Port, bro.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Damn.

[J]

You said what?

[A]

No, I. You Know what I'm saying? I'm trying to turn over a new leaf. I'm not even trying to beef with

[J]

you, but, you know. You know what's good, bro? It might not sound like a lot of days, but I got on six days that I drinking, which is a lot to me because, hey, congrats. Trying to lose weight because I'm five eight, 200. Like, that can't stay forever.

[A]

Congratulations, bro. Let's take a shot.

[E]

Shot.

[J]

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I said six days because I started drinking this morning, bro. I helped Target open because I had to get a bottle.

[A]

You helped him lift the gate?

[H]

I was.

[J]

I was there at 7:58. I was there like, yo, like, what's your job today? Like, what's up? Like, yo, y' all got any school left? I was there.

[A]

He catching Target members before they even put on their red jacket.

[J]

Oh, God, bro. I be coming in the work.

[C]

Work.

[J]

I'd be like. They'd be like, yo, why, yo? Like, I'll be like, my head hurt.

[H]

They'd be like, why?

[J]

I was like. I drank 15 shots this morning.

[B]

Damn.

[J]

My co workers be looking at.

[E]

No, no.

[A]

On some. On some real stuff, bro. I know. I know we joke a lot, but we don't. We don't want you to do that.

[J]

I don't want to either, bro.

[B]

Real talk. You.

[A]

You.

[B]

Yeah, you will. You would say that you're an alcoholic, right? And you have.

[J]

Yeah, bro, I drink, like, half a bottle.

[B]

Have you ever tried, like, to do something to, like, get that, you know, work on it, bro.

[J]

Like, I. I was. I. I'll buy my groceries for the whole week now, so I don't have to go into a store anymore. So I don't buy alcohol. Because if I go into Target, I'll be getting my eggs like my. Like, my chicken and all that. And then I'd be like, damn, alcohol is right there. And I'm like. I'll be like, damn, I brought my id.

[G]

Like, you know.

[I]

Know what?

[J]

It's. I. I could just go get some. It's gotten to the point where I would walk into the liquor store. They wouldn't card me nothing. They would. They'd see me. They go to the back, get my tailor port, and ring me up. And I was like, bro, I gotta stop.

[B]

You ever wanted to, like, check into, like, rehab or is that something? Like, that's not really in your horizon? Because that. That could help, you know, being in a. A combined situation.

[J]

Jamaican. So, like, if they See me going to rehab, they probably disowning me, bro. Like, that's the thing.

[B]

Like, bro, like real talk. Because at the point right now, it's like you're. You're ruining kind of your life. I don't think you can have like a stable job and be alcoholic, you know?

[J]

No, I gotta say, I got two jobs, but I'm just drinking because the jobs be stressing me out. Yeah, I work 50 hours a week, bro. I gotta come home and drink. Like, that should be fucking me up.

[B]

I'm just thinking about longevity, brother. We won't try to find you some help, bro. If anybody has any resources to help this guy out, reach out to us and we'll get y' all connected and

[A]

then we'll get it to his drunk.

[J]

Please do.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

we didn't ask him a question. Hold on. Okay. Name something that sounds fake, but it's actually real.

[J]

I think drinking makes you a better person.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[J]

But let me, like, you gotta hear me out though, right?

[B]

Okay.

[J]

So like, like my friends will tell me. Like, some, like, a lot of my friends come to me advice. I don't know why, but like, they treat me as a therapist. Therapist. So like, one of my friends, he came to me, he's like, yo, like, I've been dating this girl for like four months. We went on a break. And then like after we got off the break, two weeks later, she told me she got chlamydia. And I'm like, damn. Like, that's up. But he's like, yo, she told me it was from this guy. She a year ago. Like, it wasn't recent. So she didn't cheat on me. Not me. I don't got too much experience for hoes. Like, I don't got crazy experience. But I'm like, she lying. Like, I'm just gonna tell you straight up.

[G]

Like you.

[J]

There's no that gets chlamydia a year after she done the. So I'm just like, bro, she cheating on you. Like, I'm sorry. Like, and I'm this up this whole day up because he done convinced himself she not cheating. I'm like, bro, she is. The next day, I'm drunk as hell. He called me about the again. And I'm just like, you know what? You right, bro. She a God fearing women. Like, she loves you, bro. Like, y' all gonna marry each other. Like, y' all gonna be cool. And I haven't even. We haven't like, talked about the for real since then. He's been happy as. Since, like, he tr. He trusted what I said. I was like, bro, she lying to you, but I' ma let you have that. When I'm drunk as hell, I be. I be like. I'll be letting people have it. Like, my girl be yelling at me, and I'll just be like, seven shots D. I'm like, you know what? You right, bro. When I'm sober. And I'd be yelling right back. Like, I'm just like. I don't take when I'm sober. When I'm drunk, I let people have that. Like, I wouldn't do if I was sober.

[H]

You feel me?

[A]

Hey, yo,

[H]

Paul.

[J]

Hey, bro. Pat, you always think I'm on some gay. I think that's. I think that's a reflection on you.

[A]

I just said, hey, yo. That's all I said.

[B]

Last day of the month, bro.

[J]

What do you mean by that? Hey, yo?

[A]

Then I'm just saying. I don't think. It just sounded. I didn't know what you was about.

[C]

Talking. Talking about.

[J]

What do you think I let have my booty paw?

[A]

You went to, like. I just said. Hey, yo. You went to, like.

[B]

All right, man.

[A]

All right.

[J]

So what you mean by the ao, then?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Have you been drinking today?

[J]

I'm drunk as right now, bro.

[A]

It's like, you're not.

[J]

You're not gonna go to work in two hours, too.

[A]

You're just not a fun guy to be around.

[B]

Like we said, if anybody got any connections to help this man out, reach out to.

[C]

To us.

[B]

We'll get y' all connected and find him some help. Because no serious real talk, though. We want the best for you, bro. You seem like you have a good, like, you know, personality and everything.

[A]

I wouldn't say all that.

[B]

I'm just saying you seem like. You seem like a chill dude, and I feel like.

[J]

See, Pat, Mike can box. Mike can box. So I'm gonna let him say whatever he wants.

[B]

I'm not even saying anything bad, though.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, Mike don't say nothing bad.

[J]

You say, I'm not a fun to be around. I'm the life of the party, you mean?

[A]

Yeah. If you can make it to the

[J]

party, come up in the party, be like, yo, take a shot with. Because they know I'm gonna do it.

[A]

No, that's. Come on, now.

[J]

That's up.

[A]

That's up, bro.

[B]

All right, bro.

[A]

Don't care about you.

[B]

Drink. Make sure you drink some water, bro.

[J]

Love me, gang. I'm already three bottles deep today. It's 92 degrees out here.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Drink some water, bro.

[A]

Sneak off the show.

[J]

Y' all boys have a good day, all right?

[B]

I saw a Instagram post that said small things give me the ick. For real. Like, why the. Are you following McDonald's on Instagram?

[F]

Come.

[B]

And as somebody else said, people following Instagram on Instagram, I. I kind of get it. There are some type of followers that be like, all right, bro. Why.

[A]

Yes, you got. You got a celebrity limit. Like, like, you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Like, yeah, you got celebrity, like, comment.

[A]

Yeah. Have us, like, have a style. Like, okay, you live in Milwaukee. You follow Giannis. Cool. You like Drake. You follow Drake, who. Like, the bigger ones are. Okay, but. But, like, okay, you follow Drake. You. Why the fuck are you following Mack Maine? Like, come on now. Like, okay, you follow Tyga, you follow the whole Young Money. Like this shit. You follow the main page for Young Money. Little twist.

[F]

No, you gotta remember the time frame of which when we started Instagram. That was cool back then.

[B]

No, it was though.

[A]

2012, 20 2011, those things.

[B]

That's funny just to make fun of, because that probably. Some files I had was like, why the. Is Mike following Pepsi?

[A]

No, I follow Jesus. And I'm not telling you.

[B]

I'm literally still from. There's this bit that we did on the podcast, maybe like three, four years ago already.

[A]

I wasn't here.

[B]

I followed the. I'm in a sperm donor group. So we did it just for research purposes, right? And I've still been in there for three years later. I'm still in that group, just observing. Observing for what? It's interesting, though. Like, sometimes I be seeing people's posts. It's just interesting to look at. No, I have to explain that to my girl, though.

[A]

I've seen a page in there, like, sometimes, like, because they all sperm donors, sometimes a dudes send a video of him, like, busting everywhere and everybody put pictures of the coppers with an umbrella. Not me.

[B]

Not. I think also it's like the nosiness in me. Like, when there's like, a dude be, like, looking for a. I'm a donor in Milwaukee or something like that, and I be like, Milwaukee. He click on his profile. I click on his profile. Like this how this living.

[A]

No, that's wild.

[B]

It's like three people I know in Milwaukee now that they don't even know I know that about them. They don't know that know that about them. Like, bro, come on now. You got like 10 kids out here.

[F]

Every time you see him, you side eyeing them.

[B]

They Got deadbeat.

[A]

No, that's crazy.

[B]

That be tendencies.

[A]

Okay, you started tweet of the week.

[B]

Okay, go ahead.

[A]

So now we're really rolling to it. That was tweet of the week.

[B]

That was more post.

[A]

No, no, no. That was tweet of the week. Make sure you put X's all over that. This is not tweeted week morning. This tweet says let's go. Is basically a lu akbar for white boys.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

Yes, it is.

[B]

That one means, like, praise God.

[J]

Huh?

[B]

One means, like, praise God.

[A]

That's. They. That's what they. Praise God. Yeah, yeah, let's go. Oh, he loves.

[B]

That's how you get a white boy charged up, though.

[A]

No, let's. No, you, bro. I'm telling you, I was a let's

[B]

go person, too, in college, though.

[A]

They. They are motivational. Like, if you got a team. That's why I like the NFL always keep their roster about 50 white. Because you have to, bro. Because the. The less go to rah, rah, rah. We got one life to live, boys.

[B]

They, especially in college football, we always had that one crate. The crazy white boy that's willing to tackle head first, like, get a concussion for you. That's the type of person you want

[A]

to do in war.

[B]

You need that to get turned up like, that nigga crazy as hell in war.

[A]

That's what you need. You need somebody to just, like, okay, it look like he can take out three dudes, right? So I should be able to go one on one and do my job. So it's just like, let's fucking go.

[B]

Real crap out.

[A]

In quotes, it says, bro, I told you to leave the ladies alone. Chase the bag for first. And the picture under it, it's a dude on the phone cuddled up with his girl. And it just, like. That's who gives, like, advice to people. And I'll be doing that, too. I'd be happy as hell. And I'd be like, man, she disrespecting you. Get the out of here. And my girl be like, please get off the phone. God damn. All right, bro, I'm gonna hit you back. Remember, leave your girl. Would you say Baby Love island, though? I get the popcorn.

[H]

I'm sorry.

[A]

That's.

[E]

I know.

[A]

I hate Casey, too, bro.

[D]

I.

[A]

You got to pretend you hate Casey until he.

[B]

It's always funny seeing, like, Love island stuff, cuz I don't watch it, so it's, like, confused. I know, but it's like, I get the context, so it's like, the memes are still funny to me. Like, even though I don't know anything that's happening, I just see the same girl that's kissing everybody, then another girl that's doing splits, and I'm like, no, I think. I think I'm gonna record myself just watching. Reacting to Love island and somebody that's never watched it.

[C]

She.

[A]

She. She pooped on herself too, didn't she?

[F]

No, she did not poop on herself. That's not true. They said that was the dress.

[A]

Did that split too hard? Always the dress.

[B]

That's disgusting.

[A]

Crazy, you splitting so hard, moving on yourself.

[F]

Crazy.

[A]

The split.

[B]

What are they like? Is it. How many more episodes of it is it left?

[F]

Not halfway through.

[A]

It's only halfway through.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

I'm so behind. I'm so like, bro, I hear that about the.

[B]

The people behind me at the airbor were talk.

[F]

It's a bit. It's getting juicy.

[A]

This a good seat. This probably the most I've ever seen Love island get talked about.

[B]

Is this the Love Island America or uk?

[F]

Us okay.

[K]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm telling you, they creating. I'm saying they're creating stars like these. The people that are going to come out of this. Like, I'm telling you, last season did for sure.

[F]

The season before it, they did this season. I don't know how it's all going to end up with the. How big their celebrity will end up being. They don't have a lot of fan

[A]

favorites, but you got a lot of. But you got people that are getting like the soul girl. She got eliminated so early, and I still feel like she's popular as hell for somebody that was only on the show for like two or three days.

[F]

Popular. But where would she be in five years?

[A]

But that's. But that's everybody. Well, where will we be in 5 years?

[F]

Better work

[B]

just having a concrete talent, though.

[A]

No, I get it.

[F]

Like, oh, Landria, for example, I think she utilized her moment very well to help rise her stardom. But everybody. Somebody else did not do that. And so you have a time frame of when you can keep that.

[B]

Joseph has a very unique look that is really good. Like, she looks really good.

[F]

Yeah, she's very beautiful.

[A]

Just got engaged.

[B]

Does she look good? I've been married, bro.

[A]

No, Harar put the. Where it look like he on camera and with the cheaters logo.

[I]

Yeah, yeah.

[J]

What?

[A]

She look good. That's awesome. Okay, this.

[B]

I was actually just at the red light district with my girl.

[A]

Oh, fire.

[B]

Yeah, I was looking at titties and

[A]

did you pick one out.

[B]

Nah, you didn't.

[A]

Then what the. You in the game for ass? I played a plan, all right? This says, back shots make you nut fast. Seeing all that ass jiggle. And somebody said, I started looking away thinking about my dead relatives. Somebody said, I gotta turn on Martin. Somebody said, don't look down. That's all I could tell you.

[H]

The reason.

[A]

So I don't. I don't like the, like, the relatives thing because, like, it's always a joke to be like, oh, so you don't do it. Think about your grandma and think about your grandma. Like, think of how many people did the grandma thing and still, like, did it work?

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

They can talk about not young grandma.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

That was some terrible advice. The other one was like, just imagine everybody naked. Like, if you're ever nervous for public speaking. Yeah, like, wait. Some horny ass advice.

[E]

Yo.

[A]

Just imagine name two and you good to the left. Imagine them. You good. But I get what they're saying. It just basically saying the naked thing is supposed to be like an embarrassing thing. But my favorite one is just simple. Just like, find the person that's interacting the most with you and kind of like go off that vibe and like, build in there. That's what. That's what I do. Every time we have a live show, there's always somebody that's over geeking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm just like, okay, you my person.

[B]

I think anytime I had to do public speaking, it was more. Know that you know more about what you're talking about than the. Probably the people in the. In the audience or what you're trying to explain.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

I wonder.

[F]

For me, I think I just go back to all the other times that I've done it, and it gives me like a piece of like, okay, you haven't failed yet.

[B]

So you don't ever get nervous like public speaking?

[F]

It depends when I do brewers games. No, as long as I know what I'm about to say, a lot of it is a little bit of improv and memorization. But if I have to speak, let's say do a. A dissertation or something in front of, let's say 20,000 people. That would feel a little bit more nerve wracking to me.

[A]

Didn't you do a speech at.

[F]

I did a commencement speech.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How was that?

[F]

Yeah. Uwm. It was about 15 minutes. It was really good.

[A]

Were you nervous for that?

[F]

At first, but then once I started, it just.

[B]

Are you speaking the.

[C]

The.

[B]

The future?

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Minutes is long.

[F]

I speaking to the.

[A]

Did you bring. You bring liquid IV for the.

[B]

Listen, did you have a juicy thought?

[A]

I did.

[E]

I have a juicy.

[F]

Keep going. And if y' all want to listen to the commencement speeches on my podcast.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Let me lock in.

[B]

I'm about to go.

[A]

I'm about to go.

[B]

Lucky I wasn't there. I'm just. Me and Carrie still got beat from last week when she told me boring. Or the other last time hilarious.

[A]

What she call you boring?

[B]

Cuz I was explaining a vlog I did.

[A]

What vlog?

[B]

The vlog I did.

[A]

N. That's funny. No, you. I got payback for her too.

[B]

She still got some coming?

[A]

No, she got some coming. Wait, I got. I gotta talk to her fiance so I can get a little bit more info. Yeah, like, do she drink water? Okay, listen.

[F]

Why you think I grab this every day?

[A]

Oh, this is my favorite tweet of the week. I put this one in my story. It says, niggas be blasting some straight bullshit on them Harleys.

[B]

That's so fast, bruh.

[A]

The fucked up part about it is it's just like. It's never really like a song. You don't know. Like 9 out of 10 times it's a song, you know, but it's just like, why am I listening to Air Force Ones by Nelly and the St. Lunatics at 3 in the morning? And it's blasting and they don't want to hear that. They're just like, I'm trying to get home. I'm drunk,

[B]

my guy. And there's. There's two spectrums of like the.

[H]

The.

[B]

The speakers on the bike, right? There's the people with the terrible sound systems. That sounds like just terrible rattles. Yeah. And there's the people that be having, like, the great sound systems. Like, why is this so loud? Like, this sound, like surround sound. That should be blaring.

[A]

That is so.

[B]

Dude. And with the engine too. Right at the engine.

[A]

Say that again.

[E]

They'd be riding in groups playing all different songs.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

Fix that song with those acapella brands. They'd be trying to sing at different notes.

[A]

And don't, bro. Don't even be in the same genre. This over here playing Conway Twitty. And this is playing Chingy. Like, bro, this don't.

[F]

I never thought about that. But that is so fast.

[E]

Ridiculous.

[F]

That is crazy.

[E]

Right there.

[A]

Right there.

[E]

You mostly see, like, the music, like a bunch of different people. Like with the. The three wheelers. Yeah, they called going crazy.

[A]

Yeah, I like them. At least they Usually they're far apart because one of them speeding like crazy. Cops hate them. That. That's so easy, like, for, like, cops. Like, especially when they being racist, they just hop right behind them every single time.

[F]

I don't mind the ones on a motorcycle. I don't like when people are driving and they, like, burn rubber on purpose. Like, when they coming down the street and it's, like, super loud. Why? Why do they do that? Y' all know?

[A]

I mean, I heard that. Yeah.

[E]

It's like.

[A]

I think it's, like, an adrenaline thing. It's just, like.

[B]

I think that they do it for other dudes, though. What was I gonna say?

[C]

Though?

[B]

During a tour, I started to realize that I'm a really good conversational person. Like, I'm a good. Like, I'll get a group conversation going, but I also will leave that same conversation and leave Pat in that group conversation. So I just started to realize that. And I apologize for doing that a lot.

[A]

No, you man, bro. No, I don't. I don't like that you do that on tour. Because sometimes you do that with the women on tour.

[B]

Yes. I would get them riled up, and then I'll leave them with Pat. No.

[A]

Might be R.

[F]

I've never seen Mike R up.

[A]

No, no, no, no. This is how the meet and greet go. So I'll give you an example. So we'll be going through the meet and greet, and then it'll be two women that come up. And usually, like, people just want us to hang out with them. They just, like, want to know where we're going.

[H]

I.

[A]

After. So Mike, what he does, every city we go, he acquires, like, all the.

[B]

The.

[A]

The spots that people have mentioned, because we usually ask during the show, before the show, there's somebody. Like, when we was in Toronto, they kept yelling out Brampton and all these different things. So by the time the fourth or fifth person gets up for the meet and greet, Mike has all the knowledge of the places we hitting. So they'd be like, where are y' all going tonight? Mike was like, man, we might slide by Brampton. Hit this, hit that. And they get so excited, and then he'll leave, and then he. They be talking to me like, what time y' all getting the brand thing? So now I'm, like, lying to girl. Like, I think, like, 3:00am they'd be like, Brampton closed at 2. Yeah, I know that. They gotta pretend they're keeping it open for us. Be there or be square.

[B]

It's funny that like, even, like, the guys and the girls, they know that. They know when they're getting like spent a little bit.

[A]

They know every time they know not

[B]

going there, they know we're not gonna go like some most places. Like, obviously there's some places that we will go to if it's like an actual like loungey type type of place or just a good vibe overall. But some of y' all be suggesting some. So then I blame the other people that suggest so then I kind of come with to y'. All. Like, I'm coming to that place. That's so.

[A]

Yeah, I would say. I would say in Boston was the most we got steer wrong. Like, there was only one person I was right in Boston. Like, everybody steered us wrong. I'm trying to think of what we did in Toronto. We didn't listen to anybody in Toronto because our. Our management is based on there. So we already kind of had ends on, like, where he's supposed to go.

[B]

Trying to think Cleo and Kev.

[A]

Oh, shout out to Cleon. Kev. Shout out to Kev. Kev got a thousand white shirts. Like a cartoon character.

[B]

No, that is my goat. No, he.

[A]

Every time we go to Toronto, we got a mic. Kev.

[B]

Yeah, it's a dude we hung out with in. In Toronto. And he was just a character legit. Like, it's almost like you're in a sitcom hanging with him. Like, it was so funny.

[F]

So you gotta vlog that one.

[B]

No, we definitely do.

[A]

He's like one of those dudes. I've ran into, like, probably like a hundred dudes. Whereas, like, I'm in their city for a party and they like, yo, do you really want to party? And I challenge all 100 of those dudes because I actually like to party. Like, you tell me we're gonna party. Like, we going till 3, 4am to bar clothes. Like, we about to have fun. We about to get pizza at the end of the night, about to be drunk as hell. And we about to wake up at 7am and work. Like we about to. We about to do it all. And it's like most of those dudes, they don't really party like that. And it's like 12:30. And they'd be like, they ain't got nowhere else to go. This Kev, I'm not with him, boy, I challenge this. But I had about six shots in 30 minutes. Then we was on to the next spot. And he getting us. I'm talking about, bro. I've never bar hopped so much. I was falling asleep standing up. Like, he had Bro he me up. I ain't gonna lie

[G]

now.

[A]

You had me sleepy as hell. I was like, I thought he roofy be.

[F]

Challenge. Accept it.

[B]

So how, what's your, what's your guys limit on telling people Happy Father's Day? Like how many friends do you say? Cuz like, I start to find it difficult where it's like, as you get older, there's a lot more of your friends are fathers. So I'm like, okay, I wish Pat happy Father's Day. I wish Gene happy Father's Day. Father's Day. Like, where does like my list end of people that I actually like go out my way and reach out to

[F]

how many people you care about?

[B]

Because there's some people, but some people catch me because then I'll, they'll post a picture of their kid on their story.

[F]

That's what gets me.

[B]

And then I'll be like, happy Father's Day, bro. But then I'm like, damn, do I do this for this person or do you know, it's just like, I think

[A]

you're thinking about it, right? If it's, if it's presented right in front of you, you do it. But my thing is just like, like with like Gene, right? It's like very important for him to get his first Father's Day. Like I. Because I felt like people were doing that to me when I had a kid, oh, this is my first Father's Day. People reaching out to it mean way more. And it's like kind of set in reality. Like we see you being the father. Happy Father's Day. But if you. But the more kids you got, the more likely I'm not to say. You know what I'm saying? It's a priority list you got.

[E]

I found out after, you know, I said Happy Father's Day to the homies and shit. And then my dad called me the next day, forgot to say Happy Father's Day.

[A]

Oh, but it be like that when you're, when you're, when you're first time dad. Sometimes you like, you feel like you're the priority. Everybody should come to you. Like, you feel like your dad probably

[E]

should have reached Father's Day.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, man.

[F]

You are the father.

[B]

Spend that.

[A]

No spend that. Where all. Oh, my good ass daddies ass.

[B]

That's crazy. Clip that.

[A]

No, that's perfect.

[B]

Good ass daddies.

[I]

Yeah.

[A]

Double entendre. My shit gonna be played in both clubs. Yeah, spit my shit in the gay club too. Where my good daddy's at? Come on, man.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Oh, you Used to watch Flavor of Love, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was like a recent tweet which made me think of how like, you know, some of these women were pretty popular after the show. Like we still know of some of these women. Like Hoops, right? And you like, you think of somebody like. Yeah, you think of Hoops. Delicious New York, right?

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

But do you think like how did they get those names?

[F]

He gave him.

[A]

He gave them those names and it just, it just funny because somebody came out with a tweet and was like Flavor Flav used to be. Be like, you look like you work out, your name gonna be Pilates. And it's just funny. Like all of them got their name like just simply. And you know, Flavor Flav wasn't that intricate of a thinker. Like he didn't think like he ain't go de. It was like the surface level. You told me one sentence of what you do for a living or I'm looking at you and I'm naming you this.

[F]

And they embraced.

[A]

It wasn't.

[B]

It wasn't one of them named Bambi or some Bambi. Yeah. One of them ended up doing, doing porn.

[F]

Most probably.

[A]

No, That's a crazy accusation. That's a crazy accusation.

[F]

It ain't. I'm for real.

[B]

I feel like Delicious was like one of the more popular one who actually won the season. I can't.

[A]

I don't know. I think Bambi won one season, right? The taller. What's the taller white woman?

[B]

She won one Buck.

[D]

Buck.

[F]

Buck Wild or something.

[A]

It definitely wasn't Buck Wild, but it was Hoops.

[E]

Hoops won season one.

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Delicious one, season two.

[A]

Hoops didn't want him.

[B]

Yeah, something like that.

[A]

Like it would be girls that used to win that show that didn't that show.

[B]

What's the point? I just thought about that.

[A]

I think he was really trying to find love. I think the women used to turn him down like after.

[E]

Oh, for sure. Yeah. After Famous.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Who won?

[B]

Or this might just be pre arranged

[A]

where it's like Delicious and then. Oh, season three, it's a thing too. Never mind.

[B]

I think I remember them.

[G]

Yeah.

[F]

I didn't even know he had a season three.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Was that last season?

[E]

That's what it says.

[A]

Yeah. He finally found this one, but he ended up dating a girl that he didn't pick. The taller white woman. I forgot her name. It's like suit, she's super.

[B]

He's in a relationship with her.

[A]

She like six, two. Oh, she was older. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot what her name Is. But. Oh, her name. Anywho. But Ray J. I only remember one woman from Ray J.

[B]

So Ray J had one, too.

[A]

Yes. Yeah. For the love of Ray J.

[B]

For the love of Ray J. That was, like, one season.

[A]

It was that girl dangerous. Remember she had to, like, the lion tattoo on her face.

[F]

Homies.

[A]

Your homies. Is that what she did?

[F]

That's what the song said.

[A]

Oh, oh, yeah. He did have a song. Remember you got that really popular clip of that girl trying to throw the wine in his face and he's stopping her.

[F]

That was his wife.

[A]

And then he pushed her in the pool. Was that for the love of season? Yeah, it was Princess, but she was from the show.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

And he married her from the show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's crazy.

[E]

Yeah. You know what? I I with cuz New York had her spin off.

[H]

Yeah. And then.

[E]

And then. Then real chance of love.

[A]

RIP R. Rest in peace.

[C]

They.

[A]

They had. They. That was two brothers, though.

[I]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was real enchant. Right?

[F]

I was just like, why y' all should have separated that.

[B]

Oh, I was telling m. We're aging to ourselves, listeners.

[A]

But I was telling Mike, sit down. That's not even the craziest show we got down little. We got. We go look it up little. Learn something. Look at up in my ride. Watch a get a fish tank. Put in the steering wheel. Look up your mama. No real.

[J]

But.

[A]

No, but the shows today are crazier. Like, we think, like, the dating, like, Flavor Flav was crazy. For love of Ray J was crazy. Just concept especially. Like, a lot of those shows are misogynistic, so they would never survive today. But, like, I literally just saw a show. I was telling Mike I saw a show where I don't. I forgot the name of the show. Somebody sent it to me. But it was a show where there's. There's quote, unquote milfs odor women and younger men as, like, a dating show. But the twist is every older woman has a son on the show who's also looking for an older woman. So it's like nine moms, nine sons, and they're interacting that way.

[F]

That's just weird.

[A]

Ain't that crazy?

[F]

There was a. I need to know who's watching it.

[B]

If you watch people come on now,

[F]

like, tell me why, though.

[B]

You know, that's like, a popular category.

[A]

Yeah, super popular.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of people with fetishes.

[A]

I'm guessing that's the ones I like the most are, like, the people that, like, have, like, weird, like, lifestyles. Of like, oh, remember the dude? I was attracted to balloons? We did, like, a. He's, like, literally sexually attracted to balloons. Like, he used to go into rooms, and then you hear, like, three balloons popping.

[B]

Like, one of those teos.

[A]

You hear him pop, like, and then it was a. The dude, he was real cheap.

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember that? I think I might have had two wives or some, but he was super cheap.

[B]

Like, it's those TLC shows that be

[F]

like, those are very interesting. I saw someone who used to like to eat, like, couches or something.

[A]

Yeah. Like, inside of the house.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Like, how you getting full of.

[B]

I still think some of those are a little exaggerated, too. Yes. It's like. I don't know. It's just like how, like, from the

[A]

health thing, it's like, you'd be dead by now. Keep stuffing yourself.

[B]

There's some people I do believe. Like. Like, a lot of the OCD ones, I believe. Believe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, obviously, the ones that are

[A]

like, bring out the olives. That's my favorite one. Okay. Oh, I. I got a question for you. Yeah. You got to dress like olive today.

[F]

So are you.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

No, I'm. I'm dressed. I'm dressed how Mike should dress. I literally. Mag is inside.

[E]

Speed.

[A]

I had nothing to wear. I said, let me go to his closet. This my guy.

[B]

That's crazy. That's not me.

[A]

It literally look like something.

[B]

We have similar style interest.

[A]

No, no, no. I'm dressed like a Nigerian man with style.

[B]

You are Nigerian colors, though.

[A]

I am part Nigerian, though.

[B]

No, that's the thing. We got all do, though. We all got to do our ancestry, but we got to get a bag for it, too. So we got to reach out to ancestry.com or what are the little 24 and me or 23.

[A]

3 and me, especially since we got. I feel like you should be able to lead the way, because the. The biggest thing is, like, how much of a Nigerian.

[B]

Yes. Yes, exactly.

[A]

That's the. That's the thing. Because I say you're just below 80.

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[A]

Because when I see other Nigerians, it's, like, pretty distinct. Like, you have, like, some very Americanized features.

[B]

I say I don't even think my people. I might be the first. What is Hasano say? First in my bloodline to grow up in Chicago.

[C]

Chicago.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, but you definitely got some. You had a cousin that reached out. He asked you for some money, bro.

[B]

Why are you bringing that to the five, bro? I'm just saying, it's not my cousin either. It's a random ass.

[A]

His name is.

[B]

I swear, I don't know that, bro.

[E]

You.

[B]

No, I don't know that, bro.

[A]

I will put a. I will put 10 bands that. This is Mike's cousin. They got. No, they look just like the one I showed you. They look just alike. Like.

[B]

Nah, I think it's just Nigeria's cousin of have the same noses.

[A]

Bro, show it. After we're done, he's going show you a picture. I swear to God, cuz. Carrie, you saw the. The doctor, right? The doctor looked just like him. Will you admit the doctor, your cousin?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, off. Okay. Oh, last one. And it's a question for everybody. What's something you always assume was mandatory in life until you met someone who just didn't do it?

[F]

I'll let y' all go first. Mine's just too realistic.

[B]

I feel like mine is. I've never. I feel like I'm the person that was never doing the thing. Like, I was doing things the wrong way, and we just kind of find a way. So I don't know if I have an answer for this one.

[A]

I. I think mine was. I had a friend in college who we used to use the same condom stash, and he used to always come back with his condition condom. Like, I'm like, are you using it? He's like, no, not this time. And that was, like, my first time realizing, like, oh, everybody out here is just, like, nasty raw dogging it. I mean, just, like, nasty in a way. And then also, like, we was 18, 19 in college. It's like, you don't care if you get pregnant. Like, your life is over. My.

[B]

No, I definitely was always aware of that ocd. Come on, now.

[A]

I'm taking my. I'm taking my. Come with me. Yeah, I done that. That before.

[E]

Come and go.

[A]

I'll put my in the bag. When that turkey bas aruma was going

[B]

around like that, bro, I've definitely.

[F]

I've done it.

[B]

And then, like, took the trash out to the. At the dumpster. Good Samaritan.

[E]

Come on. Like, I feel like all the things that I was like today years old and found out, I just. I said that I'm gonna do it my way anyways because I had too much pride.

[A]

And you know that's true.

[E]

Can't teach old dog new tricks.

[B]

That's us.

[A]

Carrie ain't got nothing.

[F]

I do have what is yours. I'm not gonna give the realistic one, but I am gonna give the example you remember how your parents used to lie to you about certain things when you were younger and you thought it was the truth? So for example, you in the car and the light in the car and they were like, don't. Don't drop that light with the light on, cuz you'll get pulled over or something like that.

[A]

Yeah, but I think that's real. Real, though I don't think it is. Back in the day, like, cops are still racist day. Back in the day, they was racist as. So, like, you turn on the light now they can see you black. Like, I didn't know that was a pull over. I feel like that was cardi.

[B]

I feel like that was our. Our parents way of like, protecting us from just doing like, even getting like the walking to the line in a sense.

[A]

Yes. Like giving them a reason to even pull you over.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Something wrong with the vehicle. Why are you like, lights on?

[F]

Oh, stop.

[A]

I'm just being real.

[F]

I gotta. I know how y'.

[E]

All.

[A]

That's the way it is. No, that's just the way it is.

[F]

But before we go, I feel like you were about to end it. I need to know how y' all felt about the BET Awards and how everything.

[B]

Oh, we didn't even talk about that.

[F]

I know. I wanted to real quick because, you know, that's my. My bag right there.

[A]

It felt nostalgic. Like seeing. Seeing TI perform. It felt like I was watching it, like when I was younger. I don't know why the TI thing

[E]

brought me to running that shit.

[A]

Yeah, it was. It was dope as hell.

[B]

I was in a plane, so I didn't always saw clips.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

How was. How would you guys say Drew Ski did as a host?

[F]

I thought he did a good job. I've been seeing some people critiquing him online.

[B]

And what are some of the critiques? I didn't see any.

[F]

So they're saying that he got handed the position or they're saying that his skits that he does online didn't translate well to like a big stage. Like BET Awards. Awards. Or they felt like he wasn't commanding an adult audience because maybe his audience is a little bit younger. But I thought overall he did a good job. You know, like nowadays you're learning when you're at that stage and you're so big and you're viral, you're learning and growing publicly. So I just feel like for this to be his first time hosting something.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

That huge. I thought he did a good job.

[B]

I don't think I saw I saw the Jay Z bit that he did. I thought that was pretty funny.

[F]

He did a Stevie Wonder braille line.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

That's the thing about Drew Ski, though. He's just. He's just a home run hitter. And I think like. Like when you get hosts, like the old school hosts like Chris Rock, Kevin Hart, like Eddie Murphy, they're like, every line means something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Drew Ski is not a person. Drew Ski is not a person that's gonna, like, give you a line that's all leading up to one story. He's like a person. Look at this funny ass joke, this fun ass thing. And then he's regular. Then he's like, look at this funny ass thing. So I think a lot of people weren't used to.

[B]

I think that probably comes with, like, experience too, because, like, you mentioned Chris Rock. I think when they get their jokes off and even like a Dave Chappelle, they can say something very normal. And it's like, it. People laugh at it, but I think it's like the. The smoothness of it. I think Drew Ski is still young too, because some of his jokes are like, you know, the joke is coming sometimes.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

I think for Drew Ski, he's very much like a reactionary type of comedian versus a standup comic. And I think that's why people were critiquing him too, because they' like, it's a complete different type of stage. And they thought that.

[B]

From what I saw, it seemed like it did a pretty good job.

[A]

Yeah, he only. I think he getting. He catching a little flack for the. My bad.

[E]

I was just gonna say I like. I like the fact that BET supported him, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Because he gets, you know, quote unquote, maybe canceled from certain communities and stuff like that. So to see his skits translate to, like a stage on bet, that was. That was dope.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You said he's gonna be a bigger flack for her.

[A]

So at the beginning of the show, I had to look it up first. At the beginning of the show, he said that he made a joke like, we're not doing no long speeches. And they hired. Oh, yeah, they hired, like, a saxophone player to play, like, the sax like that. We got here on the podcast and they hired somebody to do that. So Sizza and Dochi were on stage and they were doing, like, their speech, and like, he. He stayed true to that.

[B]

He played that and, like, the saxophone.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think Juicy was on stage when that was happening.

[F]

The production probably had them. Yeah, that's Not a Drew ski.

[A]

It's a joke, right? It's obviously a joke somebod wrote for him, and they probably thought the joke was going to be used on somebody that it was funnier on. But, like, I'm telling you, like, because

[B]

they play the house music, usually that's what happens. They start playing house music as you're. Yeah, that's a. Making a way of making it a little bit more comedic. Yeah, comedic.

[A]

Comedic. But when. But like, I feel like it just like, you got to read the room. Like, if I'm doing the awards and a comedian wins the award or somebody who's an actor wins the award, award is cool. But it's like, if it's two black women up there, it's like, probably, hey, we probably shouldn't play the sax.

[B]

But I think that's. Again, that's a BT thing, though.

[A]

I know. That's what I'm saying. Even bet is just like, we probably shouldn't play the sacks on.

[B]

I don't think it's. I don't think it's up to them, though. They got to keep the program running.

[F]

I. I agree. I don't think that they should have did that to Doi and Sza because she had an actual, like, message I think that she was trying to give. I could see if it's like, cardi B. Shout out Cardi B. She won, too. But if she was up there, you know, playing and choosing,

[A]

it would be funnier. It would be funnier if they did it to Cardi because Cardi has, like, some comedic genius in herself. And the same thing with Lotto. We've seen her, like, joke and, like, play and stuff like that. But, like, as far as, like, what do just went through, like, online.

[B]

Yeah, I get it. With the, like, the hate that she was getting.

[A]

It's almost like. It's almost like the Angel Reese thing. Like, you don't think, like, I watch, like, Atlanta dream basketball and I want to critique Angel Reese online just like I critique other NBA gay players. I just don't. Because I know who would jump in once I say some. I'm having. I'm gonna have nine comments, and seven of them are people that actually hate black women or actually hate Angel Reese for no reason. And now I'm just feeding into that. So I feel like them doing that with the sax with Dochi thing, like, helps people.

[B]

They play the sacks for anybody else.

[F]

No, no.

[B]

That was the only one.

[F]

That was the only one.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. It has to be a Call like they have to see the sacks like yo, yo. Or Drew got to come out and be like. But Juicy. Probably not doing that cuz Drew getting

[E]

ready for the next kid.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

And people were saying that Kiki Palmer. Did you. I don't know if you guys saw

[B]

this little bit that they did loud

[F]

for her, the mic and was like, I don't even know why you took my gig. You know, but hopefully she does it next year because I think she would be a great.

[B]

She has a personality.

[A]

But I think. But I also think that was the setup. I don't think like it was like a little bit. Yeah, cuz it's a bit. I think that's a setup for her to do it next year.

[F]

Oh, set up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I think she'd be. I think she'd be a great host. I think, I think that's what BET is going off of. I think any award show gotta know that. I think that's the new meta. It's like it's about who's hosting it. I mean, look at the Streamer Awards. The Streamer Awards, I feel like would have been a little bit more iconic if they picked different hosts. Like they should have probably picked like a famous comedian or.

[B]

But that was. The Streamer Awards are like. Are streamer funded though?

[A]

Yes, I know that, but they should have streamer funded a host.

[F]

Wow. The only thing I didn't like about the Drew Ski Kiki thing is now people are like putting them against. Against each other because they're saying like, oh, that's how you know the industry is. They take jobs away from a black woman and give it to a black man. But I really don't think it.

[D]

It was that.

[B]

I think this was like. I think BET made a decision because obviously we know the theme with BET Awards was kind of like being undervalued as like, oh, it's not the world Awards. It's not really held to the same standards as like the Oscars and it shouldn't be that way. And I think they needed to make a splash because I think viewership was down. And then who. Who has the most eyeballs on them is Drew Ski. Yeah, so that makes sense from a marketing type of thing to kind of bring more eyeballs because I would, I would bet that this is probably one of the most watched BET awards in a while.

[E]

Or the clips, at least.

[B]

Yeah, because, yeah, the clips for sure.

[A]

I mean, they need.

[B]

I didn't watch it at all and I felt like I saw, I saw it.

[A]

They needed that 25 to 32 demographic. Like, if you. If you got any demographics on Instagram or whatever, they saw it was like, 25 to 32, and nobody was coming over there without a good host if they weren't already watching it. So it's like they're not trying to appease to the people that's already tuning into the BET Awards. Or they pick somebody. Like, I don't know who they would have picked. That's, like, kind of old. Like, if Dino Rollins, like, shout out. Funny as hell. Dino Rollins would have hosted. I'm just saying, that's my favorite. That's my favorite comedian. But if Dino Rollins would have hosted, it wouldn't have pulled any of, like, the new faces that they needed over there. And it was like, especially if you know you about to put on a big show, bro. That's why. Because they got to pay for all those performances.

[E]

I know.

[A]

Cardi B.

[E]

Not cheap.

[A]

Don Toliver.

[E]

Not cheap.

[A]

Like, just, like, the lineup they picked is just, like, crazy. I know. Getting Janet up there, not cheap.

[F]

Oh, Janet.

[A]

Man, you hear that voice, man? Man, her talking voice, too?

[B]

Nah, Janice talking voice. God damn. I never paid attention to somebody talking so much. I listened to everywhere. I saw the whole thing on Twitter. I would have been crying just like Tiana.

[A]

I love crashed onions. And Patrick, he's just the best.

[B]

Mike, not even heartbroken.

[A]

Jean, do it.

[B]

Then. Carrie needs water. All right, Joe, that's just crash dummies episode 265. Appreciate. Y' all remember, half off Patreon this month. Make sure you guys follow everybody, and everybody's information is in the description. See y'.

[I]

All.

[H]

Peace.