Too Many Birds On The Ground - Episode 243

Summary

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Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode 243: "Too Many Birds On The Ground"
Release Date: January 28, 2026
Hosts: Patrick Johnson ("Pat") & Michael Esiobu ("Mike")

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Episode Overview

In Episode 243, Pat and Mike blend their signature humor and candid storytelling to dive into a plethora of current events, hypothetical scenarios, and wild listener dilemmas. The episode moves through discussions on the psychology of fights and confrontations, viral social media trends, awkward social hierarchies, relationships, and even unexpectedly deep dives into nightlife, food, and alcohol culture. Open dialogue with listeners features topical advice, confessions, and plenty of laughs. The hosts’ riffing and witty banter set the tone, keeping things energetic and unfiltered.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Modern Male Confrontation

[00:00–03:44]

• Mature Fights & Arguments:
  Pat and Mike discuss the rarity of adult, male-to-male confrontations escalating to physical fights, attributing most to alcohol or unusual social situations.

  • Pat shares a story of a near-confrontation in a grocery store and debates the principle of standing one’s ground versus avoiding escalation.
  • Memorable Moment: Mike calls walking away a "superpower" in some situations ([02:05]):

    "That is like a superpower for people... to walk away from situations sometimes."

• Street Fights vs. Logic:
  Mike, who boxed, details why many fights aren't worth it:

  "How does this fight even going to end? I beat the person up. Then he pulls out a gun." ([02:41])

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2. Viral Trends & Social Commentary

[06:01–08:46]

• From Motion to No Motion:
  The duo clown current Instagram trends showing "the fall":
  • Posting past highlights juxtaposed with a dull present—like running a school talent show then being a janitor.
  • Pat criticizes self-pity posts:

    "You sharing to us that you’re a failure. Are you using this for motivation... or are you just mopping floors again?" ([08:08])

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3. Class, Humility, and Social Hierarchies

[09:19–13:15]

• Tracy Morgan Incident:
  The hosts discuss Tracy Morgan being approached by a homeless man he apparently knew, sparking a debate on whether to help people from your past who once bullied you.

  • Pat: "I'm definitely giving them money, actually. If I got millions... I'm taking them off the street and hope he lives a good life. And I’m gonna come take that shit away." ([10:31])

• Petty Charity:
  Mike: "I'm a, I'm a give him some cash, right? ...but I'm definitely reaching in my glove compartment... and getting him some coins." ([12:10])

  • The subtle disrespect of "coins over bills" is debated.

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4. Relationship & Trust Scenarios

[13:18–18:38] (Listener interactions interspersed)

• Late-Night Practice Skit:
  Pat reacts to a viral video of a wife and kids coming home at 2am claiming to be at "football practice":

  "You either win this championship or I'm killing the Coach. Flat out." ([15:27])

  • Discussion about trust, suspicious relationship behaviors, and "games being played."

• Public Relationships:
  Privacy versus public scrutiny is discussed:

  • "Now I just don't care enough... That's like, I feel so ‘unkish’ to do that." ([17:16])
  • Anthony Anderson’s quiet dating life is referenced.

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5. Listener Calls & Dilemmas

[20:07–58:28]

Notable Call-In Segments:

• Dating App Hypocrisy:
  Caller “C” admits to being upset at a situationship still being on dating apps, but then reveals she herself is dating others.

  • Pat calls out the hypocrisy with humor.

• Certified Lover Whore:
  Caller identifies as a "certified lover whore," explaining she loves hard but quickly loses interest. Pat and Mike unpack the "lover vs. whore" dynamic, encouraging honest self-assessment:

  "You using the wrong word... you just moving on fast from guys that give you the ick." ([34:50])

• Club Security Dilemma:
  Caller rants about club bouncers’ attitudes, suggesting:

  "They don't get no pussy in real life, so that's why they feel like they have to put all their control in the lines..." ([27:00])

• Sister’s Sexuality, Stud Stereotypes, and Family Rivalry:
  A listener blames himself for his sister’s sexuality and comically complains about "studs taking all the girls":

  "We only working with what we got. They pulling out the nine inch glitter thing—glitter bombs!" ([49:40])

• "Using a User"—The Married Lyft Driver:
  Caller describes an affair with a married man/Lyft driver, who gives her "top-tier head" and money, but reveals shady backstories (bounty in Haiti, long-distance marriage).

  "I'm using a user! ...I'm okay with that." ([57:56])

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6. Tweets of the Week, Culture Shock, and Drinking Habits

[59:20–84:28]

• Tweet of the Week:

  1. "White moms find out their son put a frog in the blender and be like: 'No iPad during dinner tonight.'"

     • Leads to a discussion on discipline differences across households.

  2. "Since we can’t use plastic straws anymore, I’ve been just choking turtles with my bare hands."

     • Prompts a sustainable straws rant, complaints about soggy biodegradable straws, and nostalgia for the convenience of harmful practices.

• Culture Shock and Family Habits:

  • Eating at the table vs. eating on your own schedule ([61:35])
  • Hosts swap stories of childhood discipline and cultural norms.

• Alcohol and Nightlife Evolution:

  • Nostalgia/vomit triggers from drinks like UV Blue, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, Hennessy, Fireball.
  • Evolving from clubbing to cocktail lounges; "Margarita Bros" and bespoke drinks ([81:41])
  • Pat: "Hennessy was made by the CIA... last time I was drunk off Hennessy, I mean-mugged the [valet] for 10 minutes straight." ([79:36])
  • Debate over best Ubers: LA vs. London ([72:29])
  • Joke on protein obsession: "They’re gonna start making protein toothpaste eventually." ([77:15])

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7. The Podcast’s Place in Modern Storytelling

[74:47–76:44]

• Pat and Mike reflect on TikTok as a modern "Netflix for stories," and position Crash Dummies as a platform for wild, authentic narratives:

  "The best shows... are so good because those are all real life incidents that nobody’s ever heard of..." ([75:00])

  • Riff on vetting listener stories and overzealous DMs

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Arguing as an Adult:
  Pat: "You probably saved his life. He was going to do that to the wrong [person] and get killed." ([01:05])

• On Petty Charity:
  Mike: "I'm definitely reaching in my glove compartment... for some coins." ([12:10])

• On Relationship Cycles:
  Caller: "I'm definitely a certified lover whore... I just like the attention some people give." ([30:55])

• On Sexism and Club Bouncers:
  Caller: "Go home, take some dick, and then call it a day. That’s what you need." ([27:00])

• On Cultural Differences:
  Pat: "If I would have did that shit in my house... my mom would have slit my throat and made me do all the chores while I was bleeding out." ([61:35])

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Funniest Listeners Calls - Timestamps

• "Too Many Birds on the Ground" joke ([22:52])
• "Certified lover whore" confessional ([30:42])
• McDonald’s Sauce Taxation Debate ([43:49])
• "My sister’s a stud and taking all the straight girls!" ([47:38])
• Affair with the married Lyft driver—"using a user" ([50:27])
• Best Uber Cities / Foreign Cars & Culture Shock ([71:50], [72:33])
• Hennessy, tequila, and the 'bougie' evolution ([79:33], [80:17])

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Closing & Community Updates

[84:28–end]

• Teasers for live shows in Seattle & Portland, and possible stops in Indiana.
• Everyone is encouraged to engage in comments and Patreon for city consideration.
• Episode closes with playful jabs at Utah’s turnout and some final jokes reflecting on the changing nature of socializing and drinking.

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Overall Vibe & Tone

Crash Dummies Episode 243 delivers the show’s trademark blend of unfiltered camaraderie, sharp social observations, hilarious listener participation, and no-holds-barred commentary on the absurdities of life, relationships, and culture. Pat and Mike keep things candid, irreverent, and—above all—genuinely funny throughout.

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Listen if you enjoy:

• Unscripted, real talk on everyday scenarios
• Group therapy via hilarious confessions & advice
• Viral Internet trend breakdowns
• Wide-ranging social commentary
• Stories that are too wild to make up

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For more, check Crash Dummies on Patreon and YouTube—live show announcements and righteous tangents always await.

Transcript

[A]

Do you remember the last time you got into a heated argument with someone who's not a family member but of your age to where it's like in our cases it's another male who you could possibly get in a fight with if the argument goes any further?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When's the last time you got into that type of argument? Would you say college?

[B]

I would say college.

[A]

College for you.

[B]

What you.

[A]

I don't know, some drunk moment.

[B]

Some drunk moment.

[A]

Right. It was intoxication. But it's. It's rare that these times happen for grown men. And it just like out of nowhere. It happens in situations where you're not drunk, intoxicated or just like a really weird ass situation, like a club fight or some. Which is probably intoxication that comes on.

[B]

Yeah, I think, I think it happens a lot to clubs though.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, clubs, clubs that make sense. Honestly, I think it, it just happened for me like not too long ago, like at a grocery store. Okay. I was in my girl, we were shopping for some stuff and like this dude, like in our way, you know, and it wasn't like nothing like too serious, but I just like, I didn't like the way that he was handling the situation when it got awkward with the carts, like, who goes first?

[C]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah, I had to speak up, but it was, I mean, you know, Shorty always tells you, like, let's just go. And I'm like, nah, that's the principle. Yeah, yeah, no, it's definitely the principle. You got to check because you probably saved his life. He was going to do that to the wrong and get killed. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But it was this moment. The reason I brought that up is because I don't know if you remember the Shannon Sharp video where he was walking through the airport with his dog and he seen a dude recording him from his peripheral and he kept kind of look over trying to scare the dude off from recording and dude just kept recording. And Shannon Sharpe looked at him and said, really? And then the dude responded like, yeah, really, you know, like, what's up?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then Shannon looked him in his eyes and walked off. And in that moment he was staring at someone who doesn't get asked, you know what I mean? Like, you ever been in an argument and you like arguing with somebody and you just like, yo, bro, you really don't have it all. Like you a broke ass nigga, like, this is it for you. Like this your Super Bowl. You actually got me to argue with you. I'M about to shut it down right now. I'm done.

[B]

I don't. I think that's the. That is like a superpower for people that's just to walk away from situations sometimes. I think sometimes people, like, want to get rah rah with those people too. It's like, I can't. That's what you want me to do.

[A]

My biggest thing in the argument is get you to repeat the dumbest thing that you said, and then I'm in an argument. Wait, what you say the other day? What'd you say you did Thursday? Okay. You just lied and said you did that Friday. Right? Okay, that's what I thought. Yeah, I know who I'm talking to now. I know what I'm into now. We're very low here.

[B]

I was like, other thing of like, if it's gonna be a fight, it was already gonna happen.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If. If you really want to fight or you can just, you know, saying people, like, it's just hard, especially these days. It's like, I'm. Obviously, I box, right. So I know most of the fights I probably get into, I have a good chance of winning because there's some. Most people don't train boxing the way I do. Right. But then it's like, how does this fight even going to end? It's going to be like I. I beat the person up. Then he pulls out a gun, and it's like. It's like, what's the. I start. I think when you start slowing things down a little bit too, as you get older, it does things starts to slow down a little bit. It's just like, yeah, this is. This is not going to end the way I want to end.

[A]

I think you have to. You have to question yourself, which most people don't. How far are you willing to go? Yeah, how far are you willing to go? Let's go. A scenario. He does pull out a knife. Do you still engage? Does that make you angrier? You know what I mean? Like, oh, you think you're going to kill me? I'm about to kill you. And if you're not really willing to kill a person, then you should try to avoid a street fight. Especially if you already can fight. Because what do you think is going to happen after he feels your first two punches, you think you'd be like, man, good punches. Like, no, nigga, I'm going to get my Glock, buddy.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. I'm so glad I'm like, not a street dude in a sense. Like, like that. Because the streets. Because there was. There was a video one time when, like, 6, 9 was and Casanova were about to fight, right? Casanova, New York artist. But they're at the Barclays and guns, like, started going off, and Casanova and them crew kind of ran away and shit like that. But people were saying, like, they were pussy for running away while hearing gunshots. It's just like, I feel like this shit that you had to kind of have to go through is just like, bro, I have to be Rambo in this sit.

[A]

Remember, he was trying to clown Lil Reese. Even though he didn't. It was trying to clown Lil Reese for getting jumped. And he on himself. Like, bro, like, seven people beating your asses. Like, there's not many excuses to on yourself. But if he did, like, that would be one of the moments. Like, what if you already had explosive diarrhea?

[B]

You ready? She's like, oh, no.

[A]

They really about to beat the out of me. Like, I was barely holding this.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's more likely they stop kicking you because I'm done jumping. And they got these on itself. Like, all right, we're gonna keep stumping you, stinky.

[B]

Anyway, welcome to Crash Dummies Podcast. We just dropped the A mic. Actually, that's Pat. We got Jean here. We subscribe to Patreon. We just dropped the episode there on Monday. No, not Monday. I'm getting my days mixed up Friday. No, it's because we're shooting Patreon early. That's why I'm kind of confused. We're shooting Patreon next week. But, oh, shout out to Joey Mays. He's. He actually subscribed for a whole year. He paid a whole year up front. Join me. Shout out to you. And I think I never say the code either. On the Patreon. The code is New Year 2026. But usually if you go to Patreon, it's half off for the first month.

[A]

So shout out to what's his name?

[B]

Joey Mays.

[A]

Shout out to Joey Mays, man. No freaky, though, bro. You know when somebody pay for a year yo subscription, it's kind of weird, bro. No, no, I'm not Ruby Rose. That's what I' he coming to the live show. I own you.

[B]

There's a Instagram person or creator called Fake Fresh. He actually came out with a video that was actually funny right now. So I listen to this man, shout

[A]

out to that little trend where they

[B]

be like, it's hard to go from this to this. And y' all be like, on stage somewhere doing something, and then like, you,

[A]

like, working security or some. I never do.

[B]

No.

[A]

I never post.

[B]

No. Like that.

[A]

You crazy. It's crazy, y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

Y' all ran out of that much

[B]

motion that your new motion is not having motion.

[A]

Get your lame on, man. I never post.

[B]

No.

[C]

I don't give a. I could lose this house tonight.

[B]

I ain't posting. Y' all see that trend when it was happening?

[A]

Yeah. It was like in any city where two worlds collide and was like, running back a kick return. And then the next one, he's still running back a kick return, but he got a mop in his head. Middle school janitor now.

[B]

That's why the funny line was like, y' all new is like. Is not having motion and showing you not having motion and sense.

[A]

Like that.

[B]

I do get. I do like some of them, though. There are some of them. It's like, obviously you can go from the highs to lows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But sometimes it'd be like some dudes you'd be trolling like the one, the mopping one, and like that. It's like, come on, now.

[A]

No, but the thing is, what I don't like about it, it starts as people with great careers that have to go to something else and transition. And it's usually, to me, as someone that was doing an Olympic sports or they were in NFL, NBA, and now they have to work corporate and figure out the next part of their life. I don't want to see you. You were on stage during a talent show for a high school, and now you mopping floors. Like, n. The high school show was ass too, nigga. We knew where you was going. This ain't that big of a transition. My.

[B]

I see a lot of the ones, like, sometimes boxers do it because, you know, every boxer doesn't fight full time and like that, so they have to go to a different job. And most of the time it's trades and like that. But I don't know. I feel like there's. There's those things you can do that you love. I don't know. It's kind of like. It is kind of like people are being a lot really open on the Internet, in a sense. Yeah. Showing that, like, they're the ups and the downs, obviously, but it's always a

[A]

thin line to everything. Like, some people be open and it's just like, okay, you sharing to us that you're a failure. So are you using this for motivation? You posting this to, like, use as a stepping stool? Like this where I used to be. I'll let the whole world know and then put my head down for a year and go. Or you just posting this shit and going right back to mopping them floors. I ain't gonna lie.

[B]

I'm the type of person, I don't. I record. I record a lot of my. My L's, I document a lot. Like my L's and like, like my upcoming. But my thing with me, with my Ls, when I post my L, you best believe that I'm already up.

[A]

Yes. That's the only reason I'm posting it. That's what I. That's what I would ass. Hope we get an update video from this nigga. So I'm about to. I'm about to send you a video. I'm bad. I probably should have sent you all this. Let me share my notes, actually, it'd be quicker. I don't know where he was at this time, but Tracy Morgan was walking out of somewhere and it was a bunch of cameras. I don't know if it was TMZ or just regular paparazzi all in his face. And while he was doing this so called interview or stopping talking with the crowd, some homeless guy came up to him and had an interaction with him. And Tracy Morgan actually knew him. I'll let you hear the rest of the video, though.

[C]

We always want to ask about Tax

[B]

Jordan.

[C]

William. What's up?

[A]

Remember, don't talk to me like I owe you something. I didn't say that, boy. Can I get something, please?

[B]

No.

[C]

When we was younger.

[A]

Yeah, but I think I forgot.

[C]

I'm.

[A]

I'm homeless, boy. So what that got to do with me?

[B]

I ain't do that. Oh, damn.

[A]

Yeah. That's so weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't that seem. Obviously, I don't think it's scripted, but it could be. Like somebody that used to bully you is now homeless and asking for money. So my question to you is, if both of y' all are up hundreds of millions of dollars and a guy that used to treat you bad at elementary is homeless, and in this normal spot, you would give this homeless man money?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Would you rescind, like, the offer if you found out, like, oh, damn, that's a dude. I used to bully me?

[B]

No, I probably still give him like the same amount I would give a homeless person. I think that's like, it's still like a power move in a sense. It's like, bro, all that you did, that didn't even matter. Here's 20 bucks.

[A]

That's too much.

[B]

Killing.

[A]

What kind of man you think? So China Sharp, walking away, giving your bully money?

[B]

What are you gonna do?

[A]

No, I was thinking money. Yeah, but I like. I'm like, there ain't no past you gotta like. What do you mean? Some kind of introspective moment, you know? I'm definitely giving them money, bro. I'm giving him money, actually. If I got millions of dollars and that dude used to bully me, I'm taking them off the street and hope he live a good life. And I'm gonna come take that shit away.

[B]

That trend.

[A]

Like me.

[C]

Like me to go from this.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Me on a dude that's already down, that not gonna live right with the Lord and all that. You know what I'm saying? I gotta. You know, it's like the robe. I'm about to give this everything, bro. What you need, bro. And I'm gonna have all that in my name. I'm like, man, you got a good life now. It's gonna be a year later, but I own all that little back to the streets. You gotta get something to lose, right? You can't punish your kid if he ain't got no iPad. Come on, man. I need all that back, bro.

[B]

I've actually seen some kids, people that, like, bullied me before in Chicago, and, like, a lot of them not doing too well right now, and that it. I honestly would, like, help out, but I'm not saying I would, like, keep helping out. It's just like, I see you one time, this, like, here you go. Like, that's it.

[A]

Even how you said it, you still got some animosity. Here you go.

[B]

You ain't never said that to.

[A]

No, no, you never said that to nobody. I never heard you talk like that before.

[B]

Here you go.

[A]

Trying to give him a paper cut with the bills.

[B]

But he's definitely. The thing about. He's definitely getting some coins. I'm a. I mean, I'm a. I'm gonna give him some cash, right? I might give him a 20, but I'm definitely reaching in my glove compartment or somewhere, the little middle console, and I'm. I'm getting him some coins.

[A]

I hear that's disrespectful. I like that.

[B]

I like that's. You got to.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

A little pettiness to it.

[A]

That is disrespectful. Because. Because if you ask me for $20 and I had some change on me, I would never give either one of y' all the change that's in my pocket. I'm like, you need 20. What are you gonna do with this change? But somebody giving you change is just like, huh, Nigga, I know you need this 72 cents. It's just like, damn, almost.

[B]

People turning down change right now. Like, it's like, disrespectful, like you said.

[A]

Yeah, it is disrespectful. I. This one homeless dude, we tried to get him a coat. Like, me and my family saw him out there. He had no coat on. It was like, negative 2 degrees. It was in Detroit. We ran, got him a coat from Burlington Coat Factory and took it to him. And he said, I don't rock like that. Like, dead ass looked us in our eyes. He was like, looking for the logo. And I said, what's this? Like, take this.

[B]

Hello, Assassin, man.

[A]

It was just. Oh, oh, look. Click on the football practice one. This is funny. So this dude was waiting up all day. You know how, like, I don't know if you ever seen in the older movies where somebody is waiting on somebody and they late, so they sit in a chair in the dark, and then when a person walks to the door, they turn on the light. So that's how this was sitting. And his wife and kids came home at 2am from football practice, and he was waiting on them to come home. What am I still up? Where y' all coming from?

[C]

Football practice.

[A]

What time is it right now?

[C]

It's 203, bro.

[A]

Where y' all coming from, bro?

[C]

Practice.

[A]

Y coming from? No, no, no. Hold on, hold on.

[B]

I'm not talking to you right now. What are you.

[A]

You coming from where?

[C]

Football practice.

[A]

Y' all going to life hurt like that, bro.

[C]

They got there quick.

[A]

Come on. We're coming from football.

[B]

They got there at 2 o' clock in the morning?

[A]

Yes, man.

[B]

Bro. Shayla, where you coming from, bro?

[A]

Football practice.

[C]

You're not about to. I'm not.

[B]

You're not about to do this, bro.

[C]

I'm. How.

[A]

I'm actually. Bro, you coming in from football practice

[B]

at two o' clock in the morning?

[C]

They. That's extra. They had extras because of the championship

[A]

is coming at a.

[B]

At 2 o' clock in the morning?

[C]

Yeah, the championship is coming.

[A]

What time? Practice over.

[C]

What time?

[B]

Practice over. For real?

[A]

8:00pm 8:00pm yeah, we went to our. Man, no, it ain't no way y' all went up. Two o', clock, bro.

[C]

We went to the coach's house to.

[A]

Right. What y' all going to the coach house for?

[C]

To practice. You talk. Who you talk to? The coach. No, he has a big backyard and we practiced there and looked out until

[A]

2 o' clock in the. Bro, why are you walking away, bro, till two o' clock in the morning?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Why? Why? Who else is that?

[A]

Coach's house?

[C]

All the other players. No, that was not. She just said she don't know.

[A]

You said the other player. Go call them right now.

[B]

Call the coach, bro.

[A]

Can you call the coach?

[C]

Can you call the coach? No, he probably sleep now.

[B]

He sleep. Why.

[A]

He sleep right now?

[C]

13 minutes.

[B]

He sleep right now.

[A]

He fell asleep that quick? Wow, bro.

[C]

Kids.

[A]

Wow, bro. Practicing all night, bro. Do not trust nobody, bro.

[C]

You.

[A]

You did. Y' all did what? Okay, so the only thing I want to say about this video, I'm. I'm more calm than the dude in this video. I'm not. I'm not going to yell at you. I'm just going to get the same information he got, but calmly. And now I'm invested in the team because y' all just practice till 2am yeah. So you either win this championship or I'm killing the Coach. Flat out.

[B]

2am Practice is correct.

[A]

That bet not lose in the playoffs, or I'm off in his ass. 2am practices. This better be the best team in America. If you got my girl and my kids at your house till 2am Y' all better win. Everybody.

[B]

I got a big backyard.

[A]

Hey, I'm loading the bullet for every first down the T kid. Nah, man. They don't see like, no 2am y' all has been be like, what?

[B]

That's like a deep. I don't. Obviously, I don't know if that's a skit or not.

[A]

I don't know either, but it's crazy.

[B]

But the. For your kid to lie to, that's like a. That's like something. Like, the kid might not like the dad or the stepdad, whoever he is.

[A]

Robbie, seeing some of these. Some of these dudes, they don't know when they're being played. There was this woman who invited her baby daddy back to her house, and she said that he was just coming to pick up the daughter. Yeah, but when the stepdad got home, there was a PS5 hooked up to one of the TVs. And the girl basically was saying she don't want to be together. So, like, he finding out his girl don't want to be with him, and there's a PS5 hooked up to a TV after the baby daddy just visited. Like, what? He just like, come on, you trying to play me? Like, no, she already played. You play the game on your tv. Bro, relationship.

[B]

You've seen the Kai. So that. The stuff going on.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Relationship, man. That's why. It's just like.

[A]

That's why you don't say. Yeah, that's why you don't pick sides. You don't know who the to believe, even.

[B]

Even not obviously. I think now I just don't care enough to like, even want to like, oh, this and that. I just also. I'm 30. I don't want to be like, Gigi this and that. No, this. That's like. I feel like that's even saying Gigi. Yeah, exactly. I feel so unkish to do that.

[A]

Yeah. Gigi said this. I don't believe her.

[B]

But I think, like, even off of them, it's just like public relationships sometimes. Especially when you're in like, that famous and stuff like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like you gotta wait a little bit. I understand why people don't like, announce their relationships like that. What's his name? Anthony. Anthony Anderson.

[A]

Oh. Oh. Dating Roxy from 106 and Park.

[B]

I'm gonna say it again. I don't want to get.

[A]

I don't know what the he said. Oh, you said

[B]

Anthony. Anthony Anderson. He's dating Roxy Diaz.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I feel like he was dating her for a minute, but he kept it private. What?

[A]

That's kind of weird.

[B]

What?

[A]

It was almost like he was like breaking some bad news. Yeah, your voice is cracking. Like, Anthony Hamilton's dating Roxy now and they could. Sick.

[B]

I guess she just dating anybody now. She was definitely her.

[C]

Her.

[B]

She probably still still hurt, but she definitely was her 106 in park days. Come on now.

[A]

I'm throwing you out of. You go ahead. Not on that. But I'm just saying, like, your appreciation of Roxy, you know what I'm saying? Sometimes. We wasn't looking at the Countdown videos.

[B]

What videos? You see the number one video? Nah, bro.

[A]

Again, no real.

[B]

No bio. Used to be number one in 106 park every week.

[A]

Oh, my God, bro. Chris Brown, Lil Wayne. I remember he let me down with the Amelie video. I was like, bro, what the is this?

[B]

You didn't like the Millie video?

[A]

No.

[B]

Why?

[A]

He was walking. He just walked around. All those intricate lines. Like if a Millie. All those intricate lines that a Millie has, like similes, metaphors and stuff. If it had like one of those pop videos where it was illustrating some of them lines, that video would have went crazy.

[B]

I think it would have been. It would have been nice. You've seen that new J. Cole video when it's kind of like zoom. Like the infinity zoom out while he's rapping, like, different, like, scenes. That would have been kind of dope. Yeah, I really like the Millie. It was Nigerian mentioned in there.

[A]

I was like, oh, Nigerian. Yeah.

[B]

You know, I used to touch my. I used to pull my.

[A]

That's. That's. That's some horny. I done. Pulling his hair and spanking his own ass. Nigeria there.

[C]

Hello.

[A]

Hello.

[C]

Hi. Hi, guys.

[A]

What it did do.

[C]

What's up, y'? All?

[B]

What up? What up?

[C]

Nice. Nice to hear your voice again.

[B]

When you hear our voices before or just.

[C]

Dating show.

[B]

Ah, you're on the dating show. Okay. She was.

[C]

Yes, sir.

[A]

What dating show?

[C]

Excuse me. This the. The last one y' all did? Oh, yeah, Tommy. Yeah, tell me. Yeah, I made it to the last three. Okay.

[B]

All right. I got a question for you. Who's someone you want to call out?

[C]

Kenny. Yeah, Kenny. He thinks that I don't know that he's still on the inevs.

[B]

Who's Kenny to you?

[C]

But I see you could say a situationship.

[B]

So why is it. Why do you care that's he on that.

[C]

He's on dating apps because he lied about it.

[A]

Okay, how do you know he's on dating apps?

[C]

Because I see notifications on his phone. I'll be going through his phone, but when I see notifications, I see them popping up, and it's not even one. It's not even one day to that. It's multiple.

[B]

But sometimes it'd be those, like, they'll be, like, the notification to tell you, like, hey, you haven't logged in for 30 days. Time to, you know, log back in.

[C]

So why he get funny when I asked him about it?

[A]

What do you. What you mean act funny?

[B]

What do you do?

[C]

Because I asked him, and he got all stuttery, and he said, oh, I just forgot to delete them.

[A]

I mean, what was your. What was your next question?

[C]

I said, you know what? I don't want to know no more because I'm not about to invest my. My. My thought process into that, because, respectfully, if you want to do that, then embarrass yourself, not me.

[A]

How's it. Okay.

[B]

So are y' all exclusive?

[C]

Yo? What you mean, exclusive?

[A]

Oh, man. Are you talking to anybody else?

[C]

Yo, not so much. What, Pat?

[A]

Are you talking to anybody else?

[C]

Maybe.

[B]

Huh?

[C]

So, like, I'm a hypocrite. I know I'm a hypocrite. I know I'm a hypocrite.

[A]

Yes. And. And it's Because. Only because you don't have to use dating apps. He probably has to. To meet new people. You probably. You out the house seeing somebody and, like, yo, so it just could be happening easier for you.

[B]

So.

[C]

But why? I mean, but that means they come into me. Okay. Like, why he got to look for it? So I'm not looking for it. Y. Don't laugh at me. Bad.

[A]

This comment is not.

[B]

This comment is not directed at you. Okay? Just let you know that.

[C]

Go ahead.

[A]

Oh, that's about to be crazy.

[B]

It was just a funny comment that I saw on one of the Tik Tok videos, and it said, too many birds in the ground, not enough in the sky.

[C]

Yo, yo, yo.

[A]

No, that is so crazy.

[C]

That was crazy.

[A]

That was crazy. But I would say. I would say that's directed at you.

[B]

I don't know. It is. It came to my mind as you.

[A]

Nah, I wouldn't take that if I was you.

[B]

No, no, I'm not telling you that. I'm not calling you a bird, but you from New York.

[C]

I'm from Jersey, so that.

[B]

Yeah, that bird comment definitely hit different.

[A]

Yeah, it's birds on the ground all in that city, but people.

[B]

I feel like people in Jersey and New York, they use the word bird a lot.

[C]

Yeah, they use them as, like. It's. It's kind of meant. It's like you a hoe.

[A]

Oh, wow, Mike, that's crazy. My bad. I would never talk to you like that. Me either, though.

[C]

Anyway, yo, Happy mom is International Year.

[A]

No, actually, no.

[C]

You need to say International Century to

[A]

make up for that millennial

[B]

in the afterlife.

[C]

Yo, Pat, let him live.

[A]

No, no, let me live, bro.

[B]

Take your K, Pop.

[A]

No, bro. No, no, no, bro, Listen, I'm not about to sit you here and let you.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

Talk to this tweet. Tweet like that.

[C]

Excuse me.

[A]

What? I sneezed.

[C]

You sneeze or you purposely sneeze? All right. Oh, seriously, when are y' all coming?

[B]

We're coming to. We're probably in New York, like, April.

[C]

Really? No, y' all gotta come before I go to the Navy. Come on. I'm leaving in March. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, thank you for your service.

[A]

The Navy?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

When you go to Navy?

[C]

March 15th.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You're gonna be getting Navy girl.

[A]

Oh, that's a good date.

[C]

What do you mean? It's a good day.

[A]

March 15th. I mean, that's a good day. It's somebody I know birthday. But it's also your send off day, too.

[C]

Yeah, I'm gonna spend, you know, My birthday in boot camp, which is May 8th, but we'll be fine.

[A]

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna. When Mike and I take our merch photos, you know, merge dropping soon. When we take our merch photos, I'm gonna send it to you so you can put it in, like, a wallet or something. So, like, we. Yo, so when you at war, you got something looking like the Crash dummies need me back home, yo.

[C]

I'm gonna go 10 weeks without listening to y'. All. That's 10 episodes that I gotta get back on as soon as I come out.

[B]

Oh, you can't even listen to nothing over there.

[C]

No, they take my phone, bruh.

[B]

Oh, damn.

[A]

But they give you a gun?

[C]

Yo, they gonna teach me how to shoot a rifle, Yo. I've never shot a gun in my life. Pat notice.

[A]

That's crazy. We just recruiting anybody. God.

[C]

Not too much, yo. Not too much. I was in ROTC when I was in high school, so.

[A]

All right, you have a good one. Be safe, though. I hope your aim good.

[C]

Goodbye. Damn, you there. What the. Am I tripping?

[A]

Damn.

[B]

This is our first time hearing your voice.

[C]

Okay, my bad, my bad. I thought y' all couldn't hear me, which I got going. Oh, that's hard. That's pretty tired, you know? Have y' all taking a break yet?

[A]

I don't know why your voice make me sit up in my seat. I feel like. I feel like you about to say something crazy.

[C]

As it should. I'm an entertaining person. But wait, what was y' all even calling me for? Hold on.

[A]

No, we about to ask you your dilemma.

[C]

Oh, my dilemma? Oh, my dilemma is I'm tired.

[B]

Say it again. Sorry.

[C]

I said, my dilemma is I'm tired of security guards at the club. They don't get no pussy in real life, so that's why they feel like they have to put all their control in the lines and keep people from getting in the clubs and all that stuff. Because last time I went to the club, I'm over here. This dude is being weird as he's over here being rude to all the girls in lines. And I'm like, bro, you're. They're drunk. Like, don't pay them no mind. Like, you have an attitude for no reason. He was like, well, you can't come in since you want to tell them that I can't have an attitude. And they just drunk. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hold on. Wait. You're mad because these girls are drunk and you work At a club and you're mad you're dealing with drunk people, go home, take some dick, and then call it a day. That's what you need. Honestly, like, that's just gonna make security guards just dysfunction a lot better, you

[A]

know, if they do.

[B]

What if they take dick?

[C]

Yeah. Because I feel like a lot of dudes, you know, I do feel like a lot of dudes are just not comfortable in their skin. Like, if a lot more dudes came out as gay, like, the world would be running a lot smoother, you know, Would it not? I feel like it would, you know, because they would be so comfortable in their skin.

[A]

I would like to venture that's the first time that sentence has been put together.

[C]

C. As it should. And I feel like it should be put together more.

[B]

There are a lot of dudes that are not comfortable in this skin. I would say that.

[A]

I mean. Yeah, the whole world.

[C]

Exactly, exactly. And if the whole world was more comfortable in their skin, we wouldn't have wars. We wouldn't have people fighting. We wouldn't have. Yeah, that wouldn't even be a thing.

[A]

But I think some people, like, actually love being racist. And, you know, it's like some undercover racist people. So if they gotta live in a skin, I still think we'll have wars. Yeah.

[B]

Like, some people love doing homophobic.

[A]

They actually try not to. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. Because it turns them on. Because that's why they, like, oh, my gosh, to be home before we. This gets my dick hard.

[B]

So I just gotta, you know, I.

[C]

I just gotta keep doing it so I can keep myself satisfied.

[A]

That's what you gotta do.

[B]

What's your message to that security guard? They didn't let you in the club.

[C]

My message is he needs to go home, take some dick, go to Bakala, go to the gay club that's in Casey. It's that. That working the Levy. So he know exactly who the I'm talking about Levy. Kansas City, Missouri and West. Weird as you're. As you're soft, as you need to eat some gates and take some dick and have a great.

[A]

All right, man.

[B]

All right, you.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Can I say one more thing?

[B]

You can say whatever you want.

[C]

Oh, my God. Patrick Momes. I've called you that before. And I called before and you didn't put me on the podcast and you thought that was the funniest joke ever. You was laughing your pants off, and all of a sudden I didn't get put on the podcast. What that mean?

[A]

I think I was fake laughing.

[C]

Wow. But you say grappling this time.

[A]

No, no, this is. This is really good. This is gonna make the main pie. Like, we was literally ready to leave the studio, so we glad we called you.

[C]

Okay, good. I'm glad you guys called me too. You guys sound cute, too, so that's good.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

Of course. I'm sorry I forgot you. You got a girlfriend. Not. Not to you.

[A]

Oh, you can still take it. Yeah, you gotta put your clothes on.

[C]

Exactly. My bad, my bad.

[B]

I appreciate that.

[A]

Now put your clothes on.

[B]

More positivity. I love. I love it.

[C]

Okay, my bad. I just gotta grab some paper towels real quick. I'll be all good. Okay.

[B]

What? Whoa.

[C]

Bye, guys. Can you hear me?

[B]

Yeah, we can hear you now.

[C]

Okay, cool.

[B]

Welcome to Crash Homies Podcast.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited.

[A]

Yeah, let's do it.

[B]

I got a question for you. What's your dilemma?

[C]

All right, so my dilemma is I'm definitely a certified lover whore. And what's really crazy, when you ask the call, love or what? Certified lover whore.

[A]

Whoa, C O W. Okay.

[C]

Yes. And what's funny is when you ask the call, guess what song was playing somebody? The love song. You know what I'm talking about by Drake.

[A]

Somebody Loves Me.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. So. But the reason why I call myself a certified lover whore, because I really love hard in the sense of, like, I think I'm nonchalant, and I'm like, oh, I don't really care about these men like that. But then if someone gives me the right attention, I'm talking to them, and then we go through this whole little fake dating stuff and the vibes are good, but as soon as they act up, I leave. And then I go for another one. And then every time I meet someone new, I'm like, oh, my gosh, he's the one.

[A]

What's your zodiac sign?

[C]

I'm a Leo.

[A]

Okay? Just know this. Stay the away from Leo. I'm not saying all Leo's like this, but if they can even create some like this. Run, fellas.

[B]

Why would you use the word whore then? I guess because you're just, like, dating and, like, shit's not working out.

[C]

No, it's not that it's not working out. I end up talking to someone else because I get bored.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

So, yeah, I heard that.

[C]

I just like the attention some people give, so. I'm really a good woman. I promise you I am.

[A]

Oh, Lord.

[C]

That's why they be upset your face

[B]

like I did last year. I'M gonna save my lives.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Do you plan on finding love anytime soon?

[C]

So I said, once I turn 26, 27, I'll settle down.

[A]

How. How old are you?

[C]

I'm 25.

[A]

Let's see. Like, you gotta plan two years of terror, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And you just. I guess, I mean, you know, if that's what you need to grow and, like, if that's gonna make you the person that you think you want to be in, that's.

[C]

Yeah, Because I feel like my prime. Like, my prime time. I was in a relationship and I was locked in. Like, I was even.

[B]

Some guys feel that way sometimes.

[A]

What?

[B]

When they're like. You feel like they're in a relationship when they're in their prime, and then once they get out of their relationship, they're like, I only got so many years in my prime, in a sense.

[A]

But what is your prime? You know what I'm saying? Like, why are you saying your prime is gone?

[C]

Like you're okay. Okay. I wouldn't say like mine. No, no. Definitely have motion.

[B]

But what you do probably explain your motion real quick. Sorry.

[C]

Like, what I do, I'm a jewelry designer. And. And I'm. I also am a medical esthetician.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, she just throwing out there? I bet not. I better not. See no rhinestones on your page.

[B]

Go ahead. Sorry.

[C]

No, the thing. The thing is, I'm actually, like. I'm the commodity. Like, everybody want to talk to me. I'm not even on some, like, trying to make me seem like I'm bigger than what I am. But it's just that I have, like, a certain standard that I expect a man could do because I could do a lot for myself. And people in my certified lover poor vibes been treating me extremely well, so they put this pedestal up, and I'm just trying to find the perfect guy to follow it.

[A]

So. So when. So when you're getting rid of these guys, you're getting bored of these guys, Is it more bored because they aren't giving you what you need and you're not attracted to them, or is it bored because no matter who's in this position, I just want to be with somebody new eventually?

[C]

No, it's more of like, okay, if someone is, like, someone might be attractive and they treat me well, but then they broke. But not like broke broke. I don't do. I don't do dirt broke. But like, I'm saying, like, they don't really have it like that. And I don't see them trying to grow.

[A]

Got it. So you using the wrong word, though. I think you like you hiding behind, like, this bored, oh, I'm in my horror phase thing. When it really is that you just moving on fast from guys that give you the ick or the guys that, like, don't fulfill what you really need. That's what it really is. So you're really a lover girl?

[C]

I'm definitely a lover girl.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I was so in denial for a long time, but all my friends say I'm a lover girl.

[A]

Yeah, you don't have to call yourself a whore. I wouldn't call yourself a whore.

[B]

Yeah,

[C]

you're like, okay, you could chill a little bit.

[A]

No, we chill. Okay. I'mma take my cape off it.

[C]

No, no, no, no. I like the cape. I like the cape. I like the cape.

[A]

Take the goggles off. Mike. We done here, man. Take the Speedos off. We good.

[C]

See, if. If I had a man like Mike that. That dubs every girl that's on here trying to talk to him and always bigs her up, we'd be good. Okay.

[B]

Shout out to Mike.

[C]

Shout out to Mike.

[B]

All right. Thank you for the compliment. We can end this here then.

[A]

I don't think that was a compliment, brother.

[C]

It was a compliment. It was a big compliment.

[A]

No, I thought it was, like, some Riz in there.

[B]

No, I didn't think so.

[A]

I thought so. It's cool, though.

[B]

But she already.

[C]

Listen, she wouldn't do that. Exactly. I watch the podcast enough, but. Wink, wink.

[A]

But that's the reason why she not doing it, because she knows she's getting dubbed. So is it. Technically, it's still really.

[B]

I feel like if you knew. If you're a single person, you knew a girl was in a relationship, you probably wouldn't approach that girl because you already know that she's in a relationship.

[C]

Well, story time real quick. That is not true. That is not true at all.

[B]

It's just a.

[C]

A.

[B]

A normal thing.

[C]

No. Guys tend to be more attractive to females when they're in a relationship. I don't care what nobody said. It happens to me every time. Yes. It happens every time I'm in a relationship with a man. They. No girls be checking for them soon as they come in my space. Oh, now he's the finest person in the world.

[B]

I feel that. I feel that because that. That's true. I'm just saying you personally like to avoid being dubbed. You pat to avoid getting dubbed.

[A]

I would. Right. Avoid someone that's in a relationship. But I feel like.

[C]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[A]

I feel like most people, they talk more freely around people that they're attracted to if they're in a relationship, because, like, if it happened to happen, now I can say anything. Now I can compliment you on anything. When I wouldn't have complimented you on this if we was both single, because I would be scared how it looked. But now I can say anything. It's a free for all.

[C]

That's crazy.

[B]

I caught you.

[C]

No, that's actually pat. What's your sign? Actually, let me find out. That's what you do.

[A]

Nah, I ain't got no sign. I'm just playing.

[C]

So you were never born.

[A]

No, no.

[C]

You was born yesterday.

[A]

I'm an Impala.

[C]

So you're a car.

[A]

I'm a tourist.

[C]

Oh, okay. Yeah, y' all are something else, too.

[A]

See, that's what I'm saying. I'm not a tourist. That's what you just says that she gonna say y' all are something else. I'm just.

[C]

Wait. I'm just saying, for tourists, their piece of work.

[A]

No, I'm tofu.

[C]

All right, all right.

[B]

You have a good one.

[C]

I'll find out. Bye. Thanks. Can you guys hear me?

[B]

Yeah. Welcome to Craftsman's podcast,

[C]

I guess. I'm glad to be here, guys.

[B]

Why aren't you glad to be here?

[C]

I said I'm glad to be here.

[B]

Oh, okay. I got a question for you. What's something you wish you could undo?

[C]

Probably be on the podcast last time. What you say last time about the STIs? Yeah, they cooking you.

[B]

Not gonna lie.

[C]

They cooking me hard. God damn.

[B]

They cooking you.

[C]

Where's Todd at?

[A]

I'm right here. I'm trying to. I'm about to go look at the comments so we can read them all together.

[C]

Yeah, someone. I. Someone asked what the STI was. It was chlamydia. So it's just like, obviously, that's, like, a pretty quick fix.

[A]

Name that sci. All right.

[B]

Somebody else said condoms. Y' all didn't think about condoms.

[C]

We use condoms. We use condoms. I was just like, oh, damn. People think I was out here raw dogging.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

So I feel like I have to defend myself.

[A]

Somebody. Somebody wrote you a song in the comments.

[C]

I saw that one.

[A]

They said, she be burning, not concerning. What? Nobody want to say.

[C]

The. The thing is, after doing, like, some reflection, I'm like, okay, I take accountability. I did participate it. Like, you're doing that, and. But at the same time, like, I did, I practiced safe sex. I got chlamydia from using condoms. It's a low chance, but I just got unlucky because I always use condoms. So I'm just like, oh, damn, that's crazy. And, like, I'm. I don't be hoeing around like that. So I'm like, they're flaming me in these comments.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Here goes another one. She need more wood for Defaya.

[C]

That's crazy. No, but I think what I was trying to get across the first time is just like, just because of his age and everything, I just wouldn't have put myself in that position. Like, you know. You know, obviously, I feel like if he was a lot younger, I'd be like, okay, you know, people do dumb stuff when they're young.

[B]

What did we just do at the beginning of this call? We did accountability. Right? You said you.

[C]

No, no, no. I participated. I participated. Yeah, I participated. Anticipated. No, no, no. I should have stood on business. I did tell him I regretted it afterwards, like, before the whole podcast, but I was just like, damn. Like, I should have just stood on business and maintained my stance. Like, I was like, no, I don't want to do this.

[B]

You don't gotta convince us, though.

[C]

Yeah, I know. I'm like, damn. People in the comments are ruthless.

[B]

It's okay. They don't know who you are, so it doesn't matter. You can live your life.

[A]

She sound like a. A black auntie, don't she? She laughed like one.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I am black, but. Oh, I maybe should have said that. But anyways. No, but he. He listens to the. I don't think he listens to the podcast, but I checked his following. I was like, holy. If he sees us, it's done because we're exclusive right now. So I'm like,

[A]

this is very low, low IQ activities by you. Like, I don't.

[C]

Yeah, I was like, holy. I talk too damn much. That's crazy. Yeah. I'm a really honest person, though. Like, I feel like people go through worse. So I'm like, I don't mind telling my. Because everybody goes through. But one way or another, I just. I'm open about it.

[A]

Okay. You said you're so open. I gotta. Would you rather. For you.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Would you break up with your current boyfriend for a million dollars?

[C]

Well, we're. We're exclusive, but I'm kind of putting it off calling my boyfriend right now. But would I break up with him for a million dollars or not see him anymore? Yeah. Just because I'm a broke college student right now. But I think if probably at a different point in My life. I probably. I probably wouldn't. It depends. Why? Why, like, right. I mean, right now, like, you know how the college. You guys both were in college. You know how the college life goes.

[B]

So.

[C]

I don't know. I feel like a million dollars is a lot to people who are, like, in the struggle, so.

[A]

All right, all right. I hope you hear this, too. Hopefully not you'. She ain't got it.

[C]

I went through all of his. I went through his families. I'm like, I hope no one follows this podcast, bro, because you guys have a pretty decent amount of followers. I'm like, okay, this is gonna be my little thing. I'm never gonna mention it again live here.

[A]

So she comes back on the podcast again.

[B]

Have a good one.

[C]

Thanks, guys. Bye. Hello.

[A]

Yo, yo,

[C]

what's good?

[A]

What's good? Welcome to Crash Dummies Podcasting.

[C]

All right, what's up?

[A]

What's happening? These are that watching. Who you talking to?

[C]

No, I say y'.

[A]

All them we be watching. Who is.

[B]

I be watching y'?

[C]

All?

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Lame.

[A]

Oh, he said them lame ass. Who is he, bro, they'll fire you. Who is he? That's the homie. What's the. What's the homie name? Put the home. Put it on speaker.

[C]

He can hear you right now.

[A]

Oh, you can hear me, bro? Hey, man, we just want to say welcome to the podcast. And when we call, shut the up in the background. God damn. I got a question for you, bro. Tell that. Find some business, man.

[C]

What's good?

[A]

I got a question for you. Name something you stand on business about that other people might not like.

[C]

Okay, so basically, I work at McDonald's, right?

[A]

And, you know, be coming through the drive through.

[C]

You know, they order a little food and. And that's cool. But then I don't like how be asking for OD sauces and then be thinking they ain't gonna get charged for that.

[B]

You charging for sauces?

[A]

I'm charging for the sauce.

[C]

That ain't. That ain't never been free in the history of sauce is getting charged for that, bro.

[B]

You don't get any more or less, though, bro.

[C]

But do it matter, though?

[A]

I'm not, bro. I'm not gonna lie. Anybody at McDonald's that charged for sauce, I just assume that you and Ronald McDonald. The only thing I said.

[B]

Yo, yo.

[C]

Hey, what y' all laughing at? I ain't hear none of that. Good.

[A]

No, man. Oh, man. Any. Who man Fries in the bag.

[B]

He said you and Ronald McDonald are having sex.

[C]

Who said who Said put the fries in the bag.

[A]

Yeah, that's me, man. Put them in there. Extra sauce.

[C]

Jean, shut your ass up.

[A]

Extra sauce. Hey, hey, you better chill. Hey, you better chill before I come to that McDonald's and order 50 cheeseburgers, bro, right before lunch. I know that Jean dressed like a

[C]

chimney cleaner right now. Chimney sweeper.

[A]

Hey, probably, man, looking fly in your ass. No, that's crazy.

[C]

Got good McDonald's visor on right now.

[A]

Still no, but, no, you. You shouldn't be charging people for sauces, bro. The sauce is for the people, bro. You got to break that. You. You work for a billion dollar corporation, bro. Come on.

[B]

You work at a place that you don't want to work at forever, either.

[A]

Yeah, you act like you investing in that. Okay, but what about later down the road, right?

[C]

When I got my own business and. And in there giving away my sauce now? My p. L want to be out here.

[B]

Come on, now.

[A]

Yeah, it's confirmed. He's around McDonald's, like, he has to be, bro.

[B]

No, you got a good.

[A]

No, that's a really good mindset. But still, he, though. Hey.

[C]

Nah. But hey, I.

[A]

With y' all boys, though, so when you.

[B]

When you don't give them the sauce, right, with the extra sauce?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you, like, tell your managers, like, how many, like, sauces you saved them?

[C]

No, I don't be doing all that.

[B]

Sorry. A lot that you're doing. So, like, I saved us. I saved us 400 ketchup packets today.

[A]

Oh, God. Have you ever met Ronald McDonald's? No, I ain't never met Ronald.

[B]

All right, bro. You have a good one, man.

[C]

Yeah. Hey, appreciate it. Hey, and I'm an audio listener. All y', all,

[A]

everybody.

[C]

I'm not subscribing to the Patreon. I seen the way down to $5, and I still didn't subscribe. I don't give a.

[A]

That's cool, bro.

[B]

We feel it, bro. You got to save your money, Brian.

[C]

Not many barbecue sauce packets, nigga.

[A]

And get with that $5. I swear I'm going to find your location station, bro. I'm ordering a thousand cheeseburgers, bro. It's gonna be a long day for you.

[C]

Yeah, get some sauce, too.

[B]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[A]

All right, Brody. Yeah, y', all, too.

[B]

All right, Peace.

[C]

What's going on?

[B]

What I do? What to do? Welcome to crashing his podcast.

[C]

Word. Feel that?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, you're trying to be cool.

[B]

I got a question.

[A]

Cool, bro. You could be yourself.

[B]

I got a question for you. What's something you wish you could undo. Do

[C]

something I wish I could undo is make. Is not make my sister gay.

[B]

Pardon?

[C]

My sister. She's. She's the top stud in my area. No, and it's no lie. She takes. She makes every straight girl gay. Every gay girl wants her.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay. But let's go back to, like, why?

[B]

What do you.

[A]

What do you have to do with this?

[B]

This.

[C]

Cuz we grew up together, and if I wasn't out there telling her to go, yo, go check out this girl, go run down on her or, like, yo, this girl's bad, I don't think she would be gay.

[B]

But what's wrong with her being gay, though? Like, what's. What's.

[C]

Because she's taking. Cuz we around the same area. I'm not going to lie. We around the same age. We like a year, two years. We like a year apart. She's taking the from me. The studs is taking the from you, bro. And it's annoying. I can't. They. I. I can't. It's. It's getting too much. I get around the girl. They ask, where your sister at? I don't. I don't give a.

[A]

What's like, okay, so what's your actual message to either your sister or all Suds, man?

[C]

To my sister, man. I know you straight, bro. I know you straight. I know you like dick. There. There's no way you keep running from. Stop running from it. The family know you straight.

[A]

Just because you got dreads don't mean that.

[C]

You don't mean that you gay. You. You like taking dick. And that's real. And to all the studs, bro, y' all is weird. Y' all running around with a fake thing. Y' all run around with the fake thing on, bro. Just take it. Take it and leave and live your life, bro. Stop taking. Stop taking the girls from us, bro. Us straight dudes is trying to live our lives. We only working with what we got. They pulling out the nine inch glitter thing. Glitter bombs. That's my message.

[A]

A nine inch what?

[C]

A nine inch glitter bomb.

[A]

A nine inch glitter bomb.

[C]

That's what it is, bro. It basically is clear with the glitter on it. Rainbows, blue, red, orange, whatever color it.

[A]

They soon they gonna have LED ones where it change colors. Yo, this dude got hella strap knowledge. He got inside too. The trends.

[C]

I. I got crazy insight.

[A]

All right, that's it, brother. This. Yo, yo, what's good? Welcome to Crash on Me's podcast.

[C]

What's up, y'?

[A]

All?

[C]

Thanks. For having me on.

[A]

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. I got a question for you, yo. What's your dilemma?

[C]

Goddamn. Okay, so I met this Haitian right when he was doing Lyft, okay? So he was. He was my Lyft driver. And at the end of my ride, he had, like, asked me for my number, so. Because while we was in the ride or whatever, he was like. We had, like, good conversation. We're kind of talking about he was, like, doing a project or whatever about just, like, the diaspora and just, like, bringing us together or whatever. And I. Those conversations, I was like, all right, boom. Like, yeah, that's cool. So we're talking or whatever, and then we, like, you know, started going out and. And I found out he was an amazing eater. Like, top 10. It was amazing fire. So my. My dilemma is I. I found out, like, last week that. That he was married. He got a. He got. He got a goddamn wife in Haiti still in the baby, which I knew about the baby, but I didn't know that he was still married to the lady.

[A]

How old is the baby?

[C]

That. That baby? Seven, I think she's seven.

[B]

Okay, so what, like, you don't want to mess with him because he's married, right?

[C]

I mean, yeah. I mean, that's up. Right? But my thing also is he's been in America for, like, three years. He's been in America for three years and hasn't, like, been back to Haiti.

[B]

That's what they be, though.

[A]

Like, so when.

[B]

When are your biggest.

[A]

Wouldn't your bigger problem be is that he hasn't seen his kid in three years?

[C]

Yeah, no, that was the other issue. But he said. So that was. This is another problem, right? He said he hasn't been back to Haiti because he was a. He was. He was a journalist in Haiti and got, like, a bounty on his head.

[B]

You believe that, too?

[A]

My Lord, you lost in the sauce.

[C]

That's my thing. That's my thing. I don't really believe it. But then it's also, like, he has, like, the credentials and, like, he has. It was something about his, like, last president. I guess the last president had got, like, assassinated and all type of. And I guess he was, like, affiliated with the president and then.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm sick of this lies already. I. I got a challenge for you. I got a challenge for you. Have him write one paragraph about what he thinks about America today in front of you and have him type it out. And then, you know if he's a journalist or not, I guarantee.

[B]

Okay, so now that you know, all this information, like, what's your next move?

[C]

Well, see, that's my other thing. I don't really know what that's. That's what I'm saying. That's my dilemma. I don't know what to do because I don't want, like, I don't want to stop that, you know what I'm saying? Because you can't really find a good eater like that, you know what I'm saying? Like, can lay pipe all that. Can do that, but don't. It's an art to eating, you know what I'm saying? And don't have it. Ain't artists no more, so I don't really know what to do.

[B]

Put that on a T shirt. Ain't artist no more.

[C]

Ain't artists no more. For real.

[A]

He eating her down, you feel me?

[B]

Did he tell you?

[C]

And he be giving me money, you know what I'm saying? So I was like, why should I stop?

[A]

Oh, we know. There's not. No dilemma. We know. Where you going? You going home. You just needed us to vent, you know what I mean? You need to get it off the chest. We know you not leaving.

[C]

I feel terrible.

[B]

Did he tell you how much the bounty was?

[C]

Oh, shit. Is that Keith?

[B]

Yeah. What up?

[C]

You ain't been on the podcast in forever. What's up, nigga?

[B]

I'm trying to help.

[A]

What up?

[B]

I'm trying to see. Look, did he tell you how much the bounty was?

[C]

No.

[B]

You should find out.

[A]

That's kind of cryptic.

[B]

So since you found out. Since you found out he had a wife and kid, right? Have you, like. Have you guys, like, had sex since then?

[C]

No. No, we haven't. I told him that was up and he was doing wrong, so. He been giving me more money, though. Like, it's usually like a hundred dollars here or there. It's n. Just gave me 250. Yeah.

[B]

So you guys, like, gone on dates and.

[C]

I mean, he seen me, he be giving me rides and too. So that's the other thing. So, yeah, you be taking me to work and drop me off my grandma. It's all type of so bas.

[A]

So basically that way, you using him as a bridge, because as soon as he does something else that gets you fed up, you leaving. Or as soon as you find something else, you leaving, you just getting what you can out of them, but you've already kind of made up your mind, you done. Because you can't do the wife and kids saying,

[C]

I think so.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm thinking. It's crazy.

[C]

I Mean, until him. I told him, like, he needs to just go on and tell his wife, like, start, like, the divorce. And if he starts, like, the divorce.

[A]

Start the divorce, he gonna marry him.

[B]

That's funny as hell. So you can marry him.

[C]

No, for real. You. Me marry him?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Why would I do that?

[A]

Do y. Do y' all hear her? She literally talked about getting her ate and getting. Getting random amounts of money. She not marrying nobody no time soon. She's not looking for marriage.

[B]

Besides, like, the. The bedroom stuff. Like, do you guys enjoy each other's company and like that

[C]

lowkey. I mean, he's smooth or whatever. I. I enjoy, like, talking to him about, like, political and like. You feel me? The diaspora and like, teaching him new about African American culture and all that kind of annoying, that irritating development.

[A]

So what you feel me Exactly. You talk about what you think about ice love. Hold on.

[B]

Is this.

[C]

Is this.

[A]

I got a question. Is this. Is this your first married man?

[C]

Yeah, I don't do that, Gene.

[B]

You don't do that? Wait, you don't do that yet.

[C]

Hey, I'm not that person, all right? I'm trying to tell you that right now.

[B]

You're still doing everything but sex. So it's like he gonna. He gonna.

[C]

What is everything but say you still taking money.

[A]

You're still taking money, rides, dates.

[C]

What's wrong with that?

[B]

Talking about politics.

[A]

Listen, when nobody about to do this.

[C]

Morally, I'm saying, though, like, morally, if he's. If he's. You feel me? Taking care of his kid. You feel me? If he's doing that and he still has money left over. I don't understand what the issue is with that, for real.

[A]

But the issue is that you saying, like, you don't want him, and then you call him a bad person, but you still using him. So it's just like, you can't.

[B]

Right, Because y' all relationship was bad for bad, you know, more.

[A]

There we go. We just want you to live in your truth. Yeah, that's all we want. That's all we want. We just want some accountability. We're not saying that you in the wrong and you don't deserve what you got coming to you. We just saying, like, we want you to acknowledge that you not doing good also. Stand on that.

[C]

No, I feel that. No, that's fair. I'm using a user. I mean, I'm using. You feel me? I'm okay with that. I'm all right.

[A]

That's all we.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We can't say else. Do your thing, baby girl.

[C]

You Barely.

[A]

Yeah, I know. We know you going back, though.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Come on, now.

[C]

I might have to. I might have to get that one more. One more time.

[A]

I ain't never had that. Try to see what that feel.

[C]

I ain't never had that.

[A]

Done it, done it, done it.

[C]

I see what that feel. You feel me? Oh, man.

[B]

All right, you have a good one.

[C]

I hope y' all do, too. Hey, I just want to say, y' all podcast is amazing. Y' all doing big sh. I really with y'. All. I'll be putting. I'll be putting y' all on, too. You come to live shows.

[B]

We come to where you. Where you from.

[C]

Yeah, Come to Columbus. Yes.

[A]

Ohio. We'll see you in Detroit. We'll see you in Detroit.

[C]

Also, I just wanted to also add. I think, and. And this is a. This is an unpopular opinion, but I think Pat is a better person than Mike Lowkey. Like, I feel like he's a more genuine person. Person.

[A]

For those. For those who don't know, Mike controls the phone. So, you know.

[B]

You know all the time, not all the time.

[A]

Tweet of the weeks. It. Okay. Oh, this is my favorite tweet of the week. It's so good. I should save it for last, but I know it's just funny as frog. Okay, you ready?

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

It says. It says, white moms find out their son put a frog in the blender and be like, no iPad during dinner tonight. No, but it's just not. They're just not white people. Because it's also different households. Yeah, but just hearing how somebody grew up and wasn't punished the same way, you were kind of just like, damn, bro. And you see it in them a little bit. Like, obviously, they made it to the same point. Right. That's why you're talking to them. But you see the L, like, a small lack of discipline in them. Like, when you out drinking or they speeding around every year. Like, you really didn't get your ass beat like that?

[B]

Like, yeah, I feel like it's also, like, I didn't really have, like, a whole bunch of, like, white friends. I would say, like, growing up, it's just our school is predominantly black, but, like, there was one white friend I was really cool with. His name was Jacob. When I did a sleepover, his house, I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, y' all get to do this. Y' all get to do that, bro. It's just, like. It's so different. Different, but also I feel like there were things they had to do. That my parents didn't do either. Like, I never had a bedtime, right? And like. Like, all you have to be in bed. My parents are more like, you can go to bed whatever time, but you have to leave the house at this time. Like, it doesn't matter. So it's like I was like, oh, there's a little more strict in that way. But that's like, I feel like my parents. That's why it's like a different household and stuff. But my parents kind of let me make my own mistakes and like, learn from their mistakes and like that.

[A]

That's how my dad was like, you can stay up till 2am I'll be in this at 5. Okay, let's see how that. Now. That's real shit, though. One time I was at my right friend's house when I was wrestling and I was at dinner. It's like when I was 12 and his mom made everybody go around and say what they're thankful for as part of the prayer. So of course I did my part, you know, trying to show out. This is my friend. This is my first time over his house. It get to him, he's like, I don't feel like it. He goes, okay. And everybody started eating. I'm like, man, if I would have did that shit in my house and said I don't feel like it to my mom, my mom would have slit my throat and made me do all the chores while I was bleeding out.

[B]

Yeah, I think the other thing too, like, there's like culture shock. Not even, like, this is not even a white or black thing, but more like I didn't eat dinner at the table growing up.

[A]

That's too. That's true.

[B]

Like, when especially like, you're getting relationships and you go to people's houses, like you're at the dinner table. And I'm like, y' all just. Just talking about like that. Like my. That should never happen. It's not like it's a good thing or a bad thing, but just like the way my. My mom worked third shift sometimes my dad was working like thirst shifts and like that too. So it's just like everybody was always busy. We just like, everybody ate when they were hungry type of.

[A]

Now when someone grown ask you a second question after they already asked you a question was so a culture shot. Like, if I go to my mom or dad and be like, you good? And I'm like, yeah. And then they off doing like the next thing and just like, you go to like, another family, like, are you good? Like, yeah. Why are you good?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And start with all that. I said I'm good, man. We don't do that where I'm from

[B]

because we say I'm good. Sometimes just the voice is like, yeah, I'm good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not. You're not. I'm one. I'm not close enough to complain about things to you. And it might not be one of those things where I'm at. I'm like, for me, if something bothers me today, I kind of give myself time. Because I'm like, this might not bother me tomorrow. If I still feel the same way about this thing tomorrow, then I'm gonna bring it up or I'm gonna, like, voice my opinion on something. But I'm like, sometimes you can get different emotions in the moment. You just gotta give yourself a little time to, like, breathe a little bit.

[A]

I mean, that's. That's literally key to life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, people rush emotions and be like, it's gotta be this. And then they start shooting back at the cops.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

It was just gonna be five years in prison. You could have knocked that off. Okay, this is. This is my funny tweet of the week. Here we go. It's a real one. Somebody said, since we can't use plastic straws anymore, I've been just choking turtles with my bare hands.

[B]

That is wicked.

[A]

No, I think people lost the concept of why we started using the biodegradable straws and no straws. Because I feel a resurgence of people asking for straws again. And I realized I was a part of that resurgence. And I've just like, recently, like, kind of got off that a little bit as much.

[B]

People need to do better job at is we like to see that what we're doing is working as people. Right. Like, obviously they say, how many turtles have been saying saved because of this? Just 3 year gap of everybody using.

[A]

And interview the turtles too. Like, so we know. Were you safe? It was around my throat, man. I could barely breathe.

[B]

Some of these, like, biodegradable straws, some of them are just ass. It's like they dissolve. Dissolve in the what I was today in your mouth.

[A]

That's what you gotta say.

[B]

No, no. Dissolve in the water. Come on now, bro. You are too horny, bro. You thought I was gonna say dissolve in my mouth?

[A]

Because they do. Because it's like.

[B]

No, I'm talking about the end of the straw.

[A]

Both sides.

[B]

Not really. It's just like. It's hard to like. We're so immature, bro. No, it's hard to suck whatever you're drinking because it's like, it feels clogged. We're too old for this, bro.

[A]

I can't even add to that. That's up clock. It's crazy.

[B]

You don't get clogged straws.

[C]

No.

[A]

Come on, man. Sound like it.

[B]

That's a soggy straw for sure.

[A]

I hate soggy straws.

[B]

The soggy straws are crazy.

[A]

Oh, man. I'm gone. Didn't have a personal straw, but, like, what kind of.

[B]

I used to try to do that, but having a personal straw, like, especially when I used to go to coffee shops a lot. When I used to go to Duncan, they used to have a little thing where. Where if you buy the cup and then you can get coffee refills for a dollar. So I would bring my own little metal straws like that Just the cleaning process is annoying. Like, you gotta clean them. Like, there's. Sometimes you forget the cleaning. It's like you. You still taste like the yesterday's coffee. And. And it's like, yeah, you gotta get the. The ones that you like legit.

[A]

Destroying the ozone later is so convenient. I'm not gonna lie. It really is like. Like, to not. I gotta do all this extra. Like, I think.

[B]

Think anything, like, good for you is always, like, not inconvenient. Like, even this healthy eating and stuff like that. Like, I eat those. Like what you just ate right there. And I saw you chewing like crazy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It was like the smart sweets, right? So this one's a little, like, it's not as much sugar in it and stuff like that, but it's like, the consistency is a little different. And this. Those shits are expensive. It's like $3 for a pack. I could buy a whole pack of just gummy worms for like a dollar. But just obviously it comes with the.

[C]

The.

[B]

The trade off.

[A]

The. The bad part about healthy is. Is not everywhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So eventually you'll run into some. When you really need it, you really need that fix, and all you see is some Starbursts. And you're like, we back. Also, somebody said, I'll never forget Popeyes had me mop for my interview and never hire me mop for interview.

[B]

That's crazy. What do you think they're looking for?

[A]

Like, just to see. Like, he must have been like, he must have bad adhd. Like, nah, he's not really concentrating on this.

[C]

Nah.

[B]

It's like, hey, all right, let's see your. Let's see your stroke. Like, the stroke of the okay. Oh, my gosh.

[A]

I see what type of time.

[B]

Come on. Stroke of the mop.

[A]

You already know what to do, man. Freaky mic in the chat.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Let's go. I gave him a chance for the other one. I left because I tried to set you up.

[B]

It's not leaving if you don't participate in the conversation. You say, I'm going to leave. It's still, you know, that's not a chance.

[A]

You literally say you wanted to unclog a.

[B]

Like, I did not say that.

[A]

That's so crazy.

[B]

Like, why does he even go to a.

[A]

Okay, okay. Second to last tweet of the week, shout out to cam for sending me these. Also some of these. This one says, just stabbed my doordasher to death. Hashtag board.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

Okay, and then this is perfect one to segment to segue, whatever it's called to get us into. The next subject is Adam 22 fights like a dude that will let another dude his wife. I got news for, for you, buddy. That's also crazy. Adam22 fought Jason Love. And Jason Love has had sex with his wife twice or worked with his wife twice. Because, I mean, I think they're all in that industry.

[B]

Yeah, they're all in industry.

[A]

So they had set up a boxing match and Jason Love stopped him with like 74 seconds or something like that, to be exact. And then he's also slated to have sex with his wife. Life again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So is that a part of like winning the fight? No, I honestly think it's all marketing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because he made money off the fight and I'm sure. I don't know how the porn industry even works as far as like releasing that footage and like what they get from sponsors, but I'm sure it'll be very anticipated because people, some people probably never seen one or two. And then they were watching a boxing fight and just like, wait, that dude. So they got a whole storyline. Yeah, now it's a whole storyline. So now the next one, the premiere is going be to be even bigger and they can sell that probably to

[B]

a different company playing into it too. And like they. There was like them waking up with a cutout board in them.

[A]

You have Jason Love. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I'm so glad he's back.

[A]

It's a two sided pillow that's going viral.

[B]

It's a two sided pillow.

[A]

Yeah. Everybody's been doing a two sided pillow. All the ladies been doing two sided pillows of their boyfriends. And it's literally like them in like regular street clothes and it's a two sided pillow like that, like they're stuffed.

[B]

It's not my algorithm either.

[A]

Hey man, I'm in the Internet street

[B]

this morning like some two girls, one cup type of you talk about.

[A]

No, don't. It's like a print on a pillow. That's what you're saying is. Is these pillows printed?

[B]

Is it? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. That was crazy.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

That's crazy. Why talking to me is crazy.

[B]

The print. The print on the pillow.

[A]

Yeah. No, no. Yeah. Get it. That's. Yeah, yeah, but I'm talking. He know what he did. I'm talking about the print on the pillow. No, that's crazy. I'm also. R. Kelly said my mind's telling me no. That's just like a. It's just. It's just a funny line that is true.

[B]

If my mind tells me no to something, it's. That usually was like I won't do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like the. The bad decision we make in life is because our mind tells us do it.

[A]

Yes, exactly. But that's instinct though.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

That's a crazy instinct for a to have when your body's telling you yes. No, for his.

[B]

Sir Kelly made so many hits.

[A]

Gina, be the worst lawyer. Imagine being R. Kelly's lawyer. Just be like it's his instinct. You go to jail too.

[B]

It wasn't premeditated.

[A]

This is how he is. Tell him, Robert.

[B]

Oh, you're talking about the doordasher thing. It made me think about when back in the day when people used to jump delivery, pizza delivery, drop drivers. And that was the thing too, obviously when you call Domino's like back in the day, you don't know when they're gonna get there. They give you like an estimate so they gotta ring your doorbell. So it's like one of those things too. It's like you can't even pick where you're going with Domino's driver and like that and really are waiting for you to beat your ass for some pizza, bro. It's the toughest job to have bro to a random address too.

[A]

All these jobs to me, any job worth you have to interact with random human beings for money is dangerous. Yeah, but being an Uber driver right now is dangerous. You don't know who's going to hop in your back seat, what type of day you going to be having to compare to the type of day something else going to be happening. I feel like every tragedy that we See online you see somebody get shot on camera or knocked out outside of the club, it didn't just happen to instance. It's just these lucky ass butterfly effects that got these two people here, here, they both having a bad day and then they squash it out and it's like. And this is crazy, bro. Oh man, I can't be no Uber driver.

[B]

We just used to Uber though.

[A]

No, we use Uber a lot in Chicago.

[B]

Yeah, we did. That was the most I've ever used Uber.

[A]

And, and you realize the up part about Uber, if you don't order the exact car that you want. Yeah. You might get some, bro. Even if you try to cheat the system. Like, man, I'm gonna go uber black. Cause you like what's the worst black car out there? There I'mma look smooth getting out of any black car, but. Oh, we got something for you. Here's a mini caravan all blacked out. Like what the.

[B]

I would say Chicago had a lot of good Uber, has a lot of good Uber blocks.

[A]

Yes. But what's the best Uber spot though? We both went there.

[B]

The best Uber spot.

[A]

Yeah, where you can order any Uber and your car is going to look amazing.

[B]

La.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Oh no, LA is going to be bad.

[A]

La.

[B]

Oh, London.

[A]

London, bro. Bro, London. You can just order some and like 2026 Audi pull ups. Like damn.

[B]

All the foreign cars, it's obviously cheaper over there. It's just normal people. There's like a lot of Mercedes over there. Just a lot of freaking like what we call foreign cars because it's local cars to them.

[A]

Yeah, they just riding around and I mean you seen a literally look like he stink in a 2023 BMW. You all got it, bro, Your ears might be big as fuck, but y' all got it. Everybody ears over there. Big as hell. Yeah.

[B]

Now I want to go back to London.

[A]

No, London.

[B]

London's fun.

[A]

We almost, we almost became citizens over there. They were trying to recruit us.

[B]

Oh, that was during. That's when Trump just got elected.

[A]

Yeah, that's when we went, oh, literally just got elected.

[B]

You know, he got elected while we're there.

[A]

So when, when, when Trump like people saw Trump's momentum more towards like before he won. I feel like a week before he won, people like, damn, he really might win.

[B]

No, like I whole campaign, you're was like, yeah, this is. Yeah, you kinda be cooked.

[A]

Yeah, we might be cooked. Like we kind of knew people in other countries didn't know people in other countries didn't know how it was going to go. Like some of my friends that were from over there, they were like, so how's it going? Who y' all think going to win? It's like, damn.

[B]

That's the question they kept asking like,

[A]

y' all don't know who going to win? Like it's. We cook, bro. We cook like year later. What's up? Y' all see where we at, man?

[B]

You been in office for a year.

[A]

Oh, bro, we got three more years of this.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

Yeah. Pig eye is killing.

[B]

It just seems like it's just so many to happen. It feels like it's like a. A long ass time.

[A]

No, it's been, it's been a long time, brother. He ain't done yet, bro. And it's funny some people saying like, what did I know? Because I remember I was talking, I was just like, if Trump bombs Venezuela.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then a month later he actually bombed Venezuela. And then people like, what did patent know, bro? It'd just be. I'd just be deep on Tick Tock, man. But it's some. It's some real smart people on tick tock.

[B]

No, I started. I don't really scroll Tik Tok a lot but then I was like one day I was like, let me actually scroll cuz I was just obviously just post on there and then we dip. But like I was like, holy. There's like part 10 of like stories. How I met my. How I met my ex who's now in jail or some like that this like story lines you really following. It's like Netflix series.

[A]

That's what give me the hope that we going to live forever. Like this podcast is forever going to be relevant because eventually we going to be the platform that everybody comes with their amazing stories story and you can't make up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At the end of the day like the best, like the best shows like Grey's Anatomy, Law and Order, svu. The reason those shows are so good is because those are all real life incidents that nobody's ever heard of that happened. So when y' all people call into the show and y' all be saying the caller's fake. Shut the up, bro.

[B]

No, I think we, I think we proved to them there's not fake last week. So we said that email never do that again.

[A]

Oh yeah. Come on.

[B]

Hey, we haven't got an email about being a college since then though.

[A]

But them email know though, like. But there's so many other social medias and you went up and looked up our email. Come on, brother. Ice.

[B]

I think they definitely do think it's Going to get a scene. Because it does probably get more seen than a dm.

[A]

It does.

[B]

Because it's not like our. Our emails are super flooded or like

[A]

that, but it does. But you. You also know next, in between two emails from foreigners telling us they gonna get us more millions and millions, and you.

[B]

You kind of, like, put yourself in that. We're gonna read it, and then we're gonna move right on.

[A]

Yes, exactly. You are now spam, bro.

[B]

Unless you come with some, like, actual things. You gotta just lay it out there.

[A]

Yeah, it gotta be. Yes, exactly. On anywhere. Like social media, like Instagram. Like, if you go into Mike's personal dm, my dm, or Jean's dm, if you want to actually get on the show, saying that you have a crazy story is the worst way to start off, because you're never gonna get to the story, because I'm never going to answer and say, what is it, bro? You think I got time? I got a kid. You got. I look like asking you a question like that? What is it, bro? I got all day. Like, out of here. Either type it out or shut the up, man. Out. My dm. You got to get me on the show, bro. For what?

[B]

That's the worst one. Somebody literally tweeted, we have to do something.

[A]

It's like, bro, that tweet that's going up right now with, like, saying, like, 520 podcast link with Crash Dummies. And somebody was like, man, when this happened, please call me. And I just wanted to say, for what? Like, why the. Will we call specifically you so you can get on this and dick ride? Like, I love y'. All. Like, okay, bro, like, tell us a story, man.

[B]

Why they got pro. I feel like there's protein everything now. Have you guys been seeing that?

[A]

Yeah, man.

[B]

There's legit protein everything. Protein chips, protein. They're gonna start making protein toothpaste eventually.

[A]

They got. They got people fooled because they had me fooled. When I first got on the protein wave, I would just go for, like. Obviously, the toughest thing is trying to reach your body weight and protein. So you're trying to get anything that could help you get to that number. But when you start looking on the back of stuff and the percentages that you're supposed to have daily, It'll be like, 90 of your sodium in something that's 42 grams of protein. So it's just like, okay, day. I only can have 8% sodium for that. I can intake for the rest of the day. And I'm. And I'M not even close to my protein goal. So what the. I'm supposed to eat raw meat? Like, come on, man.

[B]

Raw meat. What?

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Nah, nah, nah, that's crazy.

[A]

You literally say you want to unclog a.

[B]

No, no raw meat, Mike. You literally have to say that. What am I supposed to eat raw meat? Huh?

[A]

We both on there, man.

[B]

Nah, you trying to eat now you trying to eat uncircumcised meat, bro.

[A]

Freaky pat in the chat, man. Come on, man. Freaky Mike. Freaky pad. We both guilty.

[B]

Do you guys ever see things like. Especially alcohol. This is for me, like, alcohol that you. That you used to drink back in the day, and the instantly makes your stomach hurts or things you might have liked? My thing is like, seeing, like, UV vodka.

[A]

Yeah. Blue.

[B]

Yeah. UV block of. Keep saying blocker. Yeah, UV vodka.

[A]

Blue.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. That is like. It's just like, what were we doing?

[A]

Yeah, Mike's hard lemonade, too, for.

[B]

That does it for you.

[A]

Yeah, bro. That's my first thing that. Because it used to taste like juice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So when I got introduced to drinking it, I'm like, man, I started with beer, and I'm like, this nasty. By the time I feel drunk, I'm so bloated, and I like. It feels like I took like, seven shots of NyQuil or some, like, everything nasty. But when I got Mike's hard lemonade, I'm like, this don't even take tastes like alcohol. So I'm like five, six in. And then you start to fill it, and once you throw something up, you're like, bro, I will never do this again.

[B]

Like, fireballs. It kind of does that for me now. Like, fireball. Julie, I don't think I can do a fireball right now.

[A]

Yeah, that brown. Once you throw off that brown, you. That's why I'll do no more brown. No, no, Hennessy.

[B]

I haven't done Hennessy in a really long time.

[A]

Now I will. I get it, though.

[B]

I'm a tequila guy now.

[A]

Hennessy was made by the CIA, by the way. Thousand percent. The last time I was drunk off Hennessy, I literally mean mugged the. For 10 minutes straight. I went to slap the out the. He was literally the valet person. I don't know what was going on. He's like, man, I just don't want you to drive. I said, man, shut the up.

[B]

I'm definitely a tequila guy now. I think once. Once I went to Mexico for real. It was like one of those things where you taste, like, really good tequila. Like, just drinking it straight, it's like, all right, I'm. I can't get. I can't drink that, like, the super cheap. Cheap tequila anymore.

[A]

No, that was very bougie.

[B]

Yeah, you think that was bougie? Yeah, yeah, that's a super cheap ones. Like, I can tell the difference. No, but come on, bro.

[A]

What's the limit? What's the limit?

[B]

Stop acting. Don't. Don't act weird now, because you know. You know what we do? We margarita bros now.

[A]

Don't. Don't do that. Yeah, don't do that.

[B]

Don't do the margarita, bro.

[A]

Don't do that.

[B]

Let me tell y'. All. See, me and Pat, we go to different places, we try their margaritas, and we talk about them because they're usually not that good. But it's a couple spots that we. We really like, and we always get a margarita. Margarita from there. Now that y' all know margarita bros, if you.

[A]

If we ever come into your restaurant, we heard every spicy margarita joke say that. Oh, my God. I can smell your drink as soon as it was made.

[B]

A spicy margarita. That's my go to drink now.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get around to.

[B]

They always say that, though. It's like, oh, I could smell that. The. The spice in it.

[A]

Like, no, I love on people now for. For not having in house jalapenos.

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

Like, hey, can you make a spicy margarita, but only make it with jalapenos? Like, oh, we got the spicy mixer. Like, y. No, I'm good, man. Bring me out of vodka water you got in here.

[B]

Now. Vodka water is kind of, like, treacherous, too.

[A]

That's like. That's like I'm losing weight, but I still want to drink, so I'm making sure I'm not taking on those calories. No extra sugar.

[B]

Straight vodka don't. I guess the juice. Mixing it with juice will give you the calories.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you can't burn fat while the in there. And then you're taking on some cranberry juice. You know, they pouring the cranberry juice in there. It's not only, like, I hate getting mixed drinks that are gonna be bad, and then I'm taking the calories, too. Like, come on, bro.

[B]

I feel like. Especially, like, as. I feel like we've been unking it, this episode, saying as we get older, but as we get older. I'm like a cocktail lounge person now. Come on. I knew.

[A]

I let it go.

[C]

I let it go.

[B]

I didn't say I'm a cocktail lounge person now. I don't think, like, the. The club is cool. Like, I still, like, pop out here and there, but once in a while, but. But, like, I really enjoy, like, the lounging places where you can kind of hear, you can still have a conversation, music's not blaring, and you can get, like, a specialty cocktail. Like, it's just hard to do. Like, come on, Gene. Not you, too, bro.

[A]

Man, freaky Gene in the chat.

[B]

But, like, not just getting, like. I don't know if we talked about this on the pod. But not just getting, like, a vodka or a tequila with random, like, lemonade and orange juice. Orange juice. Just like, those mixers and shit like that. Like, getting a specialty drink is just like, all right. This is actually a drink. You can sip on it, have a conversation, and the vibe's always good. And too many people sometimes and learn from.

[A]

Yeah, because, like, some of these drinks are made in different way. Be like a. A smoked orange or something like that. So now when you travel, you like, Okay, I like that distinct taste. And maybe I can mix it with this and figure out. Because that's everybody's goal in life, is to figure out the perfect drink for them. I just so happen to find mine, you know what I mean?

[B]

Not find mine.

[A]

Shout out to Brian's, man.

[B]

Brian's Bone. If you're in Milwaukee, go to Brian's and then get the Bone Crusher.

[A]

Get the bone Crusher. Tell them we sent you, and they're gonna be like, who the. Is that same drink?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

That's the same drink. Yeah, yeah, the Bone Crusher, man.

[B]

I would say me and Pat are very alike in a lot of ways. Yeah. Obviously we have difference.

[A]

We both killed. What's in it, if you don't mind me asking?

[B]

I. I don't know.

[A]

Like, flavor profiles.

[B]

Mezcal Tequila is the base.

[A]

It's super spicy. It's kind of like. It's very hard to explain. Yeah, we'll take you there, bro. We got you.

[B]

They don't have a menu.

[A]

Menu.

[B]

They don't have a menu. And they won't tell you what you ordered. It's like, what's in it?

[A]

Like, citrusy lemon.

[B]

They'll, like, ask you, like, what you like. They'd be like, okay, what type of. Like, those type of questions? They're like, what type of drinks do you like? Normally you get, like, okay, I think you would like this one. And you get the drink.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So they got you.

[A]

Yeah, they got you, bro.

[B]

But Gene is a Gin drinker.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, you do.

[B]

That's.

[A]

That, that's something on gin and juice. Lay back.

[B]

Gin is like straight and it's straight gin.

[A]

Now that's crazy.

[C]

Usually.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's crazy. That's like.

[B]

That's like a. That should always burn your chest.

[A]

So for the first time I had. Yeah. Gin on ice. The ice was like a perfect circle,

[B]

like the spirit ones. I got those too.

[C]

Fire.

[A]

For a favorite drink to be gin. This is what I imagine happened to him when he was 8. Like he was walking home from school and he tripped over something and then he like, man, what is this? And he pulled back the COVID and it was a dead body of his neighbor, you know, so. Yeah, like, that's the. I think like, oh, that's why you drink. You found your neighbor. That makes sense.

[C]

My.

[B]

Oh, man. Anyway, that's been the podcast. Appreciate y', all, you know, subscribe to Patreon live shows. We have some announcements coming very soon. I would say if. I'm just gonna say the first cities we're probably gonna go to because it's, it's. It's fine. Seattle and Portland, those might be our first cities. I'm not gonna lie. I haven't seen a lot of y' all in the comments. So if you're from Seattle or Portland, leave a comment. So we can like be more confident about announcing that as some. As part of the dates.

[A]

Cuz that. Cuz if y' all don't come forward, I'm not gonna lie, that might not be on there. So it's. It's up to y'. All. Obviously we're going out there because of the venue and along with the listeners that are out there there. So make sure y' all speak up, whether it's Patreon, whether, you know, YouTube comments, audio. Find a way.

[B]

Cuz that one's gonna be very soon. Like, that's gonna be like next month type of. And all the other cities and stuff that y' all always put in the comments, we. We got it. Like the major cities. Y' all got it.

[A]

Like, I got it, bro.

[B]

There's a couple little, Little ones. Indiana. I think we're coming to Indiana. About Indiana. We coming.

[A]

We on our way, bro. We don't expect much after. That's all we gotta say.

[B]

But now I appreciate y' all rocking with us. Yeah, it's been a good pod.

[A]

My Utah, my bad. It ain't happening. It ain't happening.

[B]

But I'm telling you, there's a lot of Utah people that's crazy.

[A]

No, it is, though.

[B]

All right, y', all. Peace.