Listener Callers Only PT. 2 - Episode 260

Summary

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Crash Dummies Podcast: Listener Callers Only Pt. 2

Episode 260 – May 27, 2026
Hosts: Patrick Johnson (“Pat”) & Michael Esiobu (“Crash”)

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Main Theme

This episode is a "caller only" special, with Pat and Crash fielding candid, wild, and hilarious calls from listeners. Loosely structured around “the hill you’re willing to die on,” confessions, and scenarios, the episode dives into relationship drama, social takes, personal grievances, and plenty of impromptu debates. The tone stays raw and comedic, reflective of the show’s signature style.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Intro and Announcements

(Till ~02:00)

• Pat and Crash open solo, joking about absentee cohosts and a “listener caller” format.
• Tour + Merch: Toronto and Detroit shows, selling quickly. Merch restocking post-tour.
• Patreon Pitch: 2 extra episodes a month; ongoing banter about group chats and fan interactions.

"We don't want to be in the group chat...like, I might block you, bro." – Crash (01:55)

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2. Listener Callers: Hot Takes, Life Hills, and Confessions

a. Friends vs. Living Single Hill

(05:09–07:43)

• Caller argues Friends is funnier than Living Single, despite being Black, and calls out those who play the “Black card” for sitcom preference.

"Living single ain't got no quotables that y'all walking around just saying every day…" – Caller 2 (05:40)

"Young Jennifer Aniston, right? ...I would never be on a break with you." – Caller 2 (06:54)

b. Don’t Be a Stepdad Before 25

(07:48–12:24)

• A 24-year-old caller claims young Black men under 25 shouldn’t rush into stepdad roles, especially if the kid is under a year old.
• Hosts discuss nuances of dating single mothers, attachment, and financial burden.

"If my girl had a kid or I was out with a girl that had a kid, I feel like I would get attached very easily." – Pat (12:17)

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c. Accidentally Saying the Wrong Name During Sex

(13:01–26:30)

• Highlight Story: Caller confesses to calling his current girlfriend by his ex’s name (“Ava”) during makeup sex.
• Hosts dig into the caller’s honesty, omissions, gaslighting, and the real reason for their trust issues.
• The conversation unravels into a live break-up “rehearsal” and accusations about the girlfriend’s “gay best friend.”

"The daggers she calls eyes were just staring a hole through me…" – Caller 7 (14:11)

"I think you and Ava are [together]." – Crash (23:06)

"I'm also leaving you because you're not ambitious enough." – Caller 7 (24:17)

"My go-to argument...is her gay best friend is not gay. Like, straight up. There's no way." – Caller 7 (24:30)

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d. Cheating Double Standards / Cheating Logic

(27:21–29:59, 51:20–54:50)

• Multiple callers defend double standards around fidelity.
• One young man maintains you should be upset at your cheating partner, not the third wheel, but flips when asked about gender roles.
• Another caller argues, “I can be a liar and a cheater, but still be a good partner.”

"Just because I step out and get a little variety, it don't make me a bad person." – Caller 1 (53:30)

"I support double standards!" – Caller 1 (54:04)

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e. Weed Man Woes

(33:01–38:46)

• A recurring caller rants about “fake weed men” who are late, unreliable, and give poor service to low-volume buyers.
• Hosts compare it to barber/client loyalty and tease about being “bottom of the totem pole.”

"He put that [weed] in your hand like a newspaper..." – Pat (35:19)

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f. Movie Theater Hot Dog Confession & Nail-Biting Girlfriend

(39:00–45:07)

• Caller confesses to eating a glizzy (hot dog) at the movies, feeling self-conscious; hosts roast him for ordering hot dogs via DoorDash.
• Same caller gripes about his girlfriend’s severe nail-biting habit and flinging the clippings in his clean car.

"It was just being in the movie theater...everybody got popcorn. Let me get a hot dog." – Caller 4 (40:20)

"I know you got a little tism in you just like me, but you gotta calm down..." – Caller 4 (43:58)

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g. Coworker Snake: Stolen Date

(46:05–50:49)

• Caller describes being hyped up by a coworker to ask a girl out, only for the coworker (a bartender) to start dating her himself.
• Hosts point out the bartender’s social clout and the dangers of not being assertive.

"I thought I was getting coached, but he was just showing me game film." – Caller 5 (46:36)

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h. Anti-Monogamy Philosophy Debate

(57:12–69:42)

• Caller passionately asserts America “was not meant to be monogamous” and likens lifelong relationships to “modern day slavery.”
• Launches into a community-centered historical analogy, but is pressed by the hosts to clarify whether he’s living what he preaches.
• He eventually admits to complex, not always honest, relationship arrangements.

"If you think that your woman is bad, somebody else think your woman bad, too, gang." – Caller 3 (58:59)

"There are people, those lifestyles work for certain people...but you are not doing it the right way right now." – Crash (68:05)

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3. Final Banter & Shoutouts

(69:47–76:41)

• Tweet of the Week: "When you drop mediocre brown and get an infinity wipe..." (69:58)
• Hosts reflect on sports, locker rooms, and politics after discussing QBs and public political stances (71:26–73:46).
• Sincere thanks to fans, with special appreciation for those who provide feedback, both critical and positive.

"For every hundred dumbass ideas, we get ten really good ones." – Crash (75:23)

"If you want to be funny and troll, at least do us a service of putting a timestamp..." – Crash (74:24)

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Memorable Quotes

• On Group Chats:
  "We don't want to be in the group chat...like, I might block you, bro." – Crash (01:55)

• On Young Stepdads:
  "Anything under 25, you shouldn't be trying to be no stepdaddy." – Caller 2 (08:43)

• On Saying the Wrong Name:
  "The daggers she calls eyes were just staring a hole through me..." – Caller 7 (14:11)

  "I think I gave her the name...Sophie. Are you good with names now?" – Pat (23:40)

• Cheating Logic:
  "Just because I step out and get a little variety, it don't make me a bad person." – Caller 1 (53:30)

  "I support double standards!" – Caller 1 (54:04)

• On America and Monogamy:
  "America was not meant to be monogamous...It sounds like modern-day slavery." – Caller 3 (57:40)

• On Customer Service (Weed):
  "He put that [weed] in your hand like a newspaper..." – Pat (35:19)

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Notable Timestamps

• 05:09–07:43: Friends vs. Living Single argument: sitcom loyalty + Jennifer Aniston crush.
• 13:01–26:30: Caller’s name mix-up during sex spirals into relationship drama.
• 27:21–29:59 / 51:20–54:50: Back-to-back double standards and “cheating” debates.
• 33:01–38:46: Fake weed man rants, lowly “little spender” struggles.
• 39:00–45:07: Glizzy confession & nail-biting girlfriend pet peeve.
• 46:05–50:49: Coworker betrayal, stolen date, and workplace plotting.
• 57:12–69:42: Anti-monogamy philosophical talk and hosts’ pushback.
• 69:47–71:26: “Tweet of the Week” and poop wipe jokes.
• 71:26–73:46: Locker room politics, QBs, and the tension of public political stances.

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Tone & Style

• Candid, Unfiltered, Comedic: The entire episode is energetic and highly conversational, with frequent roasts, tangents, and inside jokes.
• Relatable Social Topics: Love, cheating, friendships, “weed men,” family, and pop culture.
• Host Chemistry: Pat & Crash play off each other, balancing empathy and humor, and keeping callers honest.
• Listener Appreciation: Closing segments highlight genuine community-building and feedback.

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For New Listeners

If you've never listened before, this episode packs the flavor: bold, hilarious commentary, real audience stories, debates on love and loyalty, and a lot of roast-level honest advice.

Skip to...

• (05:09) for sitcom debates,
• (13:01) for relationship drama,
• (33:01) for sketchy weed supplier comedy,
• (57:12) for polyamory vs monogamy philosophy, but you'll want to stay for the laughs and unpredictable realness throughout.

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Transcript

[Pat]

Yo, welcome to Crash Dummies episode. Is it 260? This is just me and Pat today, everybody.

[Crash]

Everybody called off the holiday. Carrie said that she not coming in because this woman's international century. She ain't gotta do. We say, I guess Gene is under construction right now. We thinking about you. My boy, he doing some good things right now.

[Pat]

Yeah. He'll tell you guys about it.

[Crash]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And, like, hey, it's just the guys. Hey.

[Pat]

And just because of that and how we're feeling today, we're gonna do a listener caller episode.

[Crash]

Damn.

[Pat]

I think we tried to do this before, and we said it and then we didn't. So if you're hearing this, that means it actually was worth putting on. And I know people love those episodes. So we're gonna do a listener call episode.

[Crash]

We got y', all, bro. You see what happened when people go missing?

[Pat]

But make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon.

[Caller 1]

Subscribe.

[Pat]

We putting episodes out there. To episode 2 extra episodes out per month.

[Caller 2]

Right?

[Pat]

To episodes. 2 extra episodes per month.

[Caller 2]

Boom.

[Pat]

Okay, tour. What day is this coming out? Wednesday

[Crash]

will be.

[Pat]

We'll be in. No, you're still being Toronto, so you can still get your Toronto tickets.

[Crash]

You can get both of them. I mean, just one. The other one sold out.

[Pat]

The other one is almost sold out, though, the first show, so it might

[Crash]

be sold out by now.

[Pat]

Detroit, we see y' all on Sunday. Keep getting them tickets. Still tickets available. I think that's it. Merch is out of stock until after the tour.

[Crash]

Yeah, give us a little break. We trying, bro. Yo, yo.

[Caller 2]

That's not what we doing.

[Crash]

Hello.

[Pat]

Hey, the radio is for people who are driving.

[Caller 3]

I'll drive.

[Pat]

I'm off to crash. On these podcast,

[Crash]

We gonna start with a couple tweeted weeks. Because one, you talk about a situation like, don't. Don't put us in a group chat. Like, we don't need to be in a group chat. And y' all both like, somebody. Like, somebody did it the other day. They asked us for advice, and they put us in a group chat. The first one was funny. Like, dude, I don't know how the dude got us in a group chat. So it's just funny. We don't want to be in the group chat. Like, I might block you, bro.

[Pat]

You got me to the group chat, man.

[Crash]

How if I'm not involved, you can

[Pat]

have me to the chat. Just chat me.

[Crash]

Yeah, just chat y. Or just chat me.

[Caller 2]

Don't.

[Crash]

I'm just saying don't start a group chat. Y' all can still dm, but group chats are crazy. And the other thing he got, the dude got mad because I said that wasn't us in the picture. Because he's like, man, I've been knowing y' all since the Chicago pop up this picture. I told him, that's. That's pike and Matt. What Mo Hershey say? He said they met the collision. Idiots wasn't even us.

[Pat]

The collision is just funny.

[Crash]

Okay, the other one, somebody in quotations, it says, drake got to start pretending to be a mob boss. Somebody responded, guys, If I work 9 to 5 and I get 500 million tomorrow, I'm telling you now, a few of you won't see the weekend.

[Pat]

I guess that is true, though.

[Crash]

Yeah. It's like, I hate when people try to define what's gangster going off. Like somebody's quote unquote aura or what they say it's about what they can do to you. Do I think I'm cooler than Jeff Bezos? Yes. Am I going to taunt in his face?

[Caller 2]

No.

[Crash]

You know what I'm saying? He got enough money to get you gone to. He got enough money to talk to somebody with more money than me. To talk to somebody with more money than me. It'd be seven people down the line and the seventh person still got way more, like, more millions than me. And then that person could get me knocked off. You know what I'm saying? I'm not with.

[Pat]

I just don't think they're worth risking them. I think the people are trying to say it's like, there might not be any, like, popular mob bosses in the moment and like, that. Popular?

[Crash]

Yeah. I don't think that's true. I think.

[Pat]

I think it's my boss.

[Caller 4]

Huh.

[Pat]

What do you think? Is a mob boss this so fat.

[Crash]

Which rapper do you think? Okay, the. The last tweet of the week. I want to talk about this. He said that Ice Tea Hennessy was a good idea. I'm not gonna lie. CIA.

[Pat]

I saw those. I thought those are like, AI, like renders.

[Crash]

Oh, I generated.

[Caller 5]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I didn't think those are real.

[Crash]

Yeah, it's.

[Pat]

I mean, drag Hennessy in a minute, though. I think we talked about this on Patreon.

[Crash]

Yeah, but Hennessy is actually obviously popular in the black culture. And then to throw, like, flavor Hennessy and it just like, bro, like, what they trying to do to us, man? Stay healthy. Drink some the purest tequila you can find. If you go and drink some tequila, they got some Tequila at Costco is supposed to help you burn some fat or something. Go grab that. Unless they end up sponsoring our show, then that's what the fudge you should drink. Hey, man, I gotta make some money. I got a family.

[Pat]

Yo, what up?

[Caller 2]

What's up? What's going on?

[Crash]

What up? What up? What up?

[Caller 2]

Hey, I can't call. How y' all doing, man?

[Crash]

Can't call this either.

[Pat]

We got a question for you, brother.

[Caller 2]

Talk to me.

[Pat]

All right. What's a hill that you're willing to die on?

[Caller 2]

Oh, that's an easy job. We, we going with Friends is funnier than living single, dog.

[Pat]

On the show.

[Caller 2]

Yo, like, people be saying living single is funnier just because they black. And like, y' all could try to take my black card all y' all want to. I don't care. I'm like high yellow Drake anyway.

[Pat]

So

[Caller 2]

imma die on his hill. Living, living single ain't got no quotables that y' all walking around just saying every day like, I don't want to hear any for anybody that's about to be in the comments. Oh, you have to do is start comment, bro. You look that up on Google, bro.

[Crash]

My heart, bro.

[Caller 2]

At all. I'm gonna be honest, bro. I can't even tell you, really. No character's name on Living Single except for like, I think Maxine and that's

[Crash]

the name I was about to say. I definitely know way more

[Pat]

so right now.

[Caller 2]

Tell me.

[Crash]

Oh, I'm stupid. I'm stupid.

[Caller 2]

Overton, bro. Professor. Ain't that Ogilvie?

[Crash]

No, no, no, no.

[Caller 2]

That's the Parkers. Oh, my bad. That's the Parkers.

[Pat]

What do you like about Friends more than living single?

[Caller 2]

Young Jennifer Aniston, bro. That's what I like.

[Caller 3]

That's what I like.

[Crash]

That's what I like.

[Caller 2]

Dr. Umar, don't call in with the dumb bro. Young Jennifer Aniston, bro. It is what it is.

[Crash]

I feel like. I feel like. I feel like we should turn this into maybe your message to Jennifer Anderson.

[Caller 2]

Oh, all right, cool. Yo, young Jennifer Aniston, right? Listen, right? I'm just trying to tell you right now. Like, I don't know why Ross thought y' all was on a break, but I would never be on a break with you. Young Jennifer Anderson. I'm a people to being like and when. And yo, we already don't with Nicki Minaj as is because the she's been saying and doing so when she said, oh, I'm Angelina, you Jennifer, that was trash. Just hit my Line. They got my number and all that. Cool, bro. Just hit my line. Young Jennifer. Cool too, though. But it's not about you, so, like, shout out to Maxine, too. Young Jennifer, what's up?

[Pat]

Oh, man, you have a good one, bro.

[Caller 2]

Y', all. Y' all have a good. Y' all have a good joint too, man.

[Caller 6]

I love you.

[Pat]

All right. Oh, what's up with it, y' all boy? What it do? What it do, y', all boy?

[Caller 2]

You from sliding. You can take my sleigh. I'm from Atlanta.

[Crash]

Oh, say that. Say that sentence again.

[Caller 2]

You beat me sliding. You can take my sleigh if I

[Crash]

beat you off sliding. Get this off the phone.

[Caller 4]

Oh, you freaky.

[Pat]

All right, I got a question for you. That was. Oh, my gosh, bro.

[Crash]

Oh, that was Pat.

[Caller 3]

Yo,

[Pat]

what's the hill you willing to die on?

[Caller 2]

Stop trying to be a stepfather?

[Pat]

I feel like that's not. Like, I feel like that's not. Go ahead.

[Caller 2]

Not for my young black men.

[Pat]

Okay,

[Crash]

what's the age?

[Caller 2]

About 25.

[Crash]

25 and under.

[Caller 2]

Anything under 25, you shouldn't be trying to be no stepdaddy.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Pat]

Was they really like the girl?

[Caller 2]

Do you really like her that much?

[Pat]

If you're willing to be a 25.

[Caller 2]

Dang.

[Pat]

How old are you?

[Caller 2]

Nah, bro, I'm 24.

[Crash]

That's how you push up to 20. Trying to get yourself another year. I got one more year. I ain't gonna lie.

[Caller 2]

I do feel out. I do feel. I'm a single mom. Philanthropist.

[Crash]

Philanthropist. Spell philanthropist. We can continue the conversation, I swear.

[Caller 2]

PhD

[Pat]

that's what I got it. I feel it. All right, well, why do you call yourself that then?

[Caller 2]

I think I just attract them. I see a girl, she be bad. I like what she on. And then, like, as soon as we. As soon as we get to talking, like, what's that in the background, man? Oh, I got a baby. How old is the baby? A couple months. Okay, I know what we finna do now.

[Crash]

No, a couple months. So you gotta. You gotta write for that. Like a newborn. I'm not dating anybody with a newborn. Like, yeah, let's see if it can work out with your ex first. Like, let's try.

[Pat]

Exactly. There's. That is still that, like, that time of, like, you're. You're going to be seeing your. Your baby father a lot in that moment. As if he's in his life, the kid's life.

[Caller 2]

He.

[Crash]

The. My rule is he got to have at least 25 years in prison for me to step in with A newborn.

[Caller 2]

Now you got to be dead. Like, I think that what I'm going to start asking, like, is he dead?

[Crash]

Yeah, the newborn is crazy. But what about like someone like, okay, you 24, right? And let's say, you know, she. She been on her grind. You like, what she doing? She. She also a 24 year old, but she got a kid. But that kid is like from an earlier mistake that she made when she was 18 and she was with some guy and totally changed around. She got a five year old now.

[Pat]

What about that?

[Caller 3]

I might play pops.

[Crash]

You might do what?

[Caller 2]

Pops.

[Pat]

He might play.

[Caller 2]

I might be pops.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Crash]

That's what I'm saying. You just need the situation.

[Caller 2]

I feel like you just feel like you can't really. Go ahead, go ahead. This is also a dog.

[Crash]

Oh, no shit. You. You just don't want no babies. Like, babies, babies. You okay with toddlers. That's the. It's the age of the kid that matter.

[Caller 2]

It's the responsibility for something that I ain't have. I think that really what it is.

[Crash]

You ain't got that. You ain't got.

[Caller 2]

They expensive, gang.

[Crash]

You ain't got the funds right now.

[Caller 6]

Yes.

[Caller 4]

$5 a gallon.

[Caller 2]

You down, right? I'm about.

[Pat]

No, I feel it, bro.

[Crash]

Now protect your peace, bro. Yeah, for sure.

[Pat]

All right, all right, all right. You have a good one, man.

[Crash]

I know the goddamn ass little podcast.

[Pat]

Appreciate it, Mr. Philanthropist.

[Crash]

He still ain't spelled out, but yeah,

[Pat]

I think I do kind of agree with that because I think having a kid like 3 month old, 4 month old, I feel like you still have to work on that kid and be in that kid. Like you have to be with that kid almost 24 7, and it's a

[Crash]

bigger impression, like now, I don't know. You know, I'm saying you're ignoring me now and I don't want to be with you anymore. But I haven't been around this newborn since it was four months old. And now this kid is like, you know, a year and two months now. It feels like I'm leaving my family. Yeah, I'm doing the same thing the other dude.

[Pat]

I feel like if I had a. If my girl had a kid or like I was out with a girl that had a kid, I would. I feel like I would get attached very easily.

[Crash]

Yeah. Especially if I see you good at sports.

[Caller 5]

Yeah.

[Crash]

It's my time, so let's get his last name changed now. Let's not wait till senior night.

[Caller 7]

Hey, how y' all doing?

[Pat]

Pretty good yourself, man.

[Caller 7]

I'm Doing pretty good.

[Crash]

That's it.

[Pat]

He said pretty good. Where are you from, bro?

[Crash]

This is, like, it kind of ended up in Chicago.

[Pat]

Okay. You. Were you at the Chicago show?

[Caller 2]

Wait, what'd you say?

[Caller 3]

Sorry.

[Pat]

Were you at the Chicago show?

[Caller 7]

I was not.

[Caller 2]

No.

[Pat]

Oh, lame ass, bro. Oh, damn.

[Crash]

I got a question for you, bro.

[Pat]

I'll let Pat talk to you.

[Caller 7]

What's up, bro?

[Crash]

That wasn't me. That was you. You literally called on the whole ass.

[Caller 2]

I did?

[Crash]

Yes, you did.

[Pat]

I did.

[Crash]

Just for not coming to the show. He's definitely not a whole ass. He might be broke as, but he doesn't know. Now, I got a question for you. I meant well. Prom or something for you. Whatever. Name something you need forgiveness for.

[Caller 7]

Yeah, so. So, like, last night, I was. I was with my girl, and we just, like, we. Loki just got over a bit of a hump, and, you know, we're a little toxic. So, like, you know, the way we, like, smooth things over can be, you know, like makeup sex.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Caller 7]

And, you know, I. You know, I did my big one, and after, you know, we were. We were just talking, and, you know, I was just, you know. You know, I was gonna say something along the lines of, like, you know, this ain't her name, but I'll be like, sophie, I love you. And that's just not the name that came out.

[Caller 5]

Oh.

[Caller 7]

And I didn't really, like, realize until, like, I finished the sentence and I looked up and, like, the daggers she calls eyes were just staring a hole through me, and I was, like, writing a short story.

[Crash]

The dagger that she calls eyes.

[Caller 7]

Well, that's what they are, bro. I can't. It's been imprinted in my brain since last night. Like, it's all I can think about because she's. She's so mad at me.

[Pat]

So who's the girl? The other girl's name you mentioned.

[Caller 7]

So the other girl is, like, this girl. I used to talk to her.

[Crash]

Her name is Ava. Just docs her.

[Pat]

But

[Crash]

no, that's crazy, you know?

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Caller 7]

So, like, you know, I. I did my thing, and I just looked up and I was like, ava, I love you.

[Pat]

Oh, and I really love you.

[Crash]

Have you ever told your girl that you loved her before?

[Caller 2]

That I have.

[Caller 7]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Okay. That's what wasn't the first time. And, like, did you ever tell Ava that you love her?

[Caller 4]

Yes.

[Caller 7]

Yeah, but, like, not in the same.

[Crash]

Like, it's not the same, baby.

[Caller 7]

That wasn't the same strength, you know what I'm saying?

[Crash]

As much meaning behind the word don't worry, bro. You're not talking to her, bro. You ain't got a gaslight.

[Pat]

Us so.

[Caller 7]

So don't have to do no hard work.

[Pat]

So I guess my other question then is, since it was makeup sex, so you guys, like, broke up a little bit or something like that, right?

[Caller 2]

Yeah, well, when.

[Caller 7]

It was because. It was because of Ava.

[Crash]

Oh, my God. What do you mean it was? Because what did you and Ava do?

[Caller 7]

Well, it's. We didn't even do nothing.

[Caller 5]

For real.

[Caller 7]

Like, she's just, like, the girl I'm with right now. She kind of has, like, trust issues with other dudes from, like, her past.

[Crash]

Yeah, I wonder why she don't trust me. She's probably seeing some patterns, I think.

[Caller 7]

Like, yeah, like, she's been cheated on before. So, like, I think she's, like, expecting the same out of me.

[Crash]

You got your green jacket. Me too.

[Pat]

So. So what did you and Ava do, though? You didn't answer that.

[Caller 7]

We, like, straight. We didn't even do nothing. Like, like what?

[Pat]

Do you still have communication with Ava? You guys still talk? You guys are still friends?

[Caller 7]

No, we don't. Like, we don't talk anymore. Like, we're still like. Like, we still follow each other and on Instagram.

[Crash]

Bro. Bro. God damn. You see, we asking you a question, right?

[Caller 2]

You.

[Crash]

You beating around a bush. So when the last time you got had contact with Ava? Like, God damn.

[Caller 7]

Like, two weeks ago.

[Crash]

Like, come on, bro, let's stop playing in our faces, bro. Like, like, you.

[Caller 7]

I don't know, but, like, what.

[Crash]

How did she find out? How did she. How did your girl find out you were talking to Ava?

[Caller 1]

Dude, this.

[Caller 7]

She wasn't even mad that we talked. Like, it was like, literally.

[Crash]

How did she find out that you and Ava. So she was with you when Ava text you?

[Caller 7]

Yeah, we were at. We were at a soccer game.

[Crash]

Did she go through your phone after?

[Caller 7]

Oh, we don't do that.

[Pat]

So what was Ava texting you about?

[Caller 1]

Nothing.

[Caller 7]

That's why she, like. Okay, so we saw each other at the Sox game. Ava saw me at the Sox game. Like, and we were playing, like, a little eye tag. Well, she was playing eye tag. I was not involved.

[Crash]

She was it the whole time.

[Caller 7]

Like, the thing is, is, like, you know, I look down to the. I look down a few rows, and she's looking at me. And, like, you know, like, you just got that sense. So someone's looking at you. So, like, you look totally.

[Crash]

What did she text you, bro? You don't answer. You don't text Me?

[Caller 2]

Nothing.

[Crash]

You just hit you up during the game.

[Pat]

Now I can see why she has trusted the game.

[Crash]

So what the Were y' all texting about?

[Caller 7]

There's no texting.

[Pat]

You just said Ava text you. That was the last time you talked her two weeks ago.

[Caller 7]

No, the last time we spoke was at the Sox game two weeks ago.

[Pat]

Okay, you saw.

[Crash]

You spoke to her.

[Caller 7]

Yeah, there was, like, a little, like, high when she was coming up to get some.

[Crash]

You never mentioned that.

[Pat]

Bro, I can see why she has trust issues. The way you tell stories, it's like you omit so much shit. As you can tell, you're omitting.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Caller 7]

You low key, right? Maybe I just gotta break up with her. Like, I think this one's far gone.

[Crash]

Like, now that I'm.

[Caller 7]

Now that I'm, like, verbalizing.

[Crash]

No way.

[Pat]

No way.

[Crash]

That's what you got out of that?

[Pat]

That's.

[Caller 7]

No, I haven't, like. I haven't, like, spoken this out loud yet to nobody.

[Pat]

Your voice of reason, brother.

[Crash]

Nah, this is crazy. Yeah.

[Caller 7]

Like, the light bulbs are kind of appearing above my head right now.

[Crash]

Nah, I don't think you even own the light bulbs. Them are stars.

[Pat]

My no said maybe I should break up with her.

[Crash]

Oh, that's a crazy train.

[Caller 7]

It's one of those.

[Crash]

No, she should. No, in real life, she should break up with you. You don't sound like you're a good dude. It sounds like you omit information and you gaslight her into thinking something is. It isn't, and isn't what it is.

[Caller 6]

Look, I'm.

[Caller 7]

I'm a. I'm a gaslighter.

[Caller 8]

I'm not a villain, man.

[Pat]

Like.

[Crash]

But, bro, you listen. Okay, so you said hi to Ava in front of your girl?

[Caller 7]

It wasn't like. All right, I wasn't like, hey. Like, I wasn't trying to start nothing. Like, she was coming up to, like, concessions or whatever, and she went high, and I went, hey, where was your girl?

[Crash]

When was it. When was your girl. When you said hi?

[Caller 7]

She was around my arm.

[Crash]

So she saw you say hi to the girl?

[Caller 2]

Yes.

[Crash]

Did she know who Ava was before you say hi?

[Caller 7]

Yeah, they used to be friends, like, way back.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Crash]

Oh, man. Can't with this, dude. What other question I got for. So when's the last time you and Ava text?

[Caller 7]

The last time we texted was.

[Caller 5]

Shit. Hmm.

[Caller 7]

It was a while ago. Like, maybe, like, three, four months.

[Crash]

Three, four months ago. And then. So y' all randomly saw each other at a baseball game, and neither one of y' all communicated about going to. And then you haven't had any communication since?

[Caller 7]

No, that was literally it.

[Pat]

So.

[Crash]

So what is your.

[Caller 7]

That's why, like, so.

[Caller 1]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Crash]

Listen. So what is your girl saying is a problem?

[Caller 1]

So.

[Pat]

Okay, go ahead.

[Caller 7]

He thinks, like, she thinks, like, we're, like, I'm still communicating with her.

[Pat]

Okay, and then what was what? Why do you think the reason you said Ava's name then?

[Caller 7]

All right, it's gonna sound like. And last the last eight minutes ain't gonna help.

[Pat]

Definitely not.

[Caller 7]

But I think it was just like, I was in the mindset because, like, we, like, before we had, like, makeup sex, like, we genuinely had just gotten done talking to Zoe.

[Pat]

Okay, okay.

[Caller 7]

Like, I think the situation was still, like. Like a stormy cloud above my head.

[Pat]

So you were thinking about Ava during that time?

[Caller 7]

Well, not when I was doing my big one. I was focused.

[Pat]

No, no, I'm saying when you guys broke up for that period of time.

[Crash]

Yeah, that makes sense. I'll give you that. Because that's what the argument was about, was about Ava. Yeah, like, and then you say, I love you, Ava.

[Pat]

So crazy.

[Crash]

No, it makes perfect.

[Pat]

No, I can. I can understand you saying, like, maybe saying another girl's name to your girl. Like, and that's the thing. If your girl name is Sophie and you want. You meant to say Alexis, right? And you say Alexis, and that's all you say. Okay, that's still fucked up. But saying I love you, boom.

[Crash]

Ava, you didn't have to add a whole.

[Pat]

There's a whole.

[Crash]

Like, even if you were, like, unsure yourself, you didn't have to add a name, you idiot.

[Caller 7]

Well, I thought, you know, like, I

[Crash]

was really trying to, like, personalize I love you by saying another woman.

[Caller 7]

Make it mean a little more, a little heavier. Yeah, the.

[Crash]

Personalize that I love you and said another woman's name. Like, you gotta be like, yeah, you

[Caller 7]

know, I fat fingered the wrong name. That's on me.

[Crash]

Fat finger. You gotta be top five, dumbest person.

[Pat]

Okay, what happened after this,

[Caller 3]

bro?

[Caller 7]

She all right. She was spending the night, and she was like, I think it's just better I go home for the night.

[Pat]

Okay, good for her.

[Caller 7]

And I was. I was so shocked and appalled by what I had just said, and I was just like, I think that's for the best.

[Pat]

Now she definitely thinks you and Ava.

[Crash]

You know how to do it, bro. I honestly believe you.

[Pat]

Yeah, I do, too.

[Crash]

I'm not gonna lie.

[Caller 7]

You think? Wait, sorry, like, hold on. What'd you say?

[Crash]

No, you Heard me? I said, I think you and Ava are. That's what I said.

[Caller 2]

No.

[Crash]

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[Caller 7]

Like, maybe after I end this, like,

[Pat]

oh, he's still about to do it. Hey, break over right now.

[Crash]

Yeah. Don't waste our time.

[Caller 6]

I probably.

[Pat]

No, right now. On this podcast. Right now. Just say it to her.

[Crash]

Stop wasting our time, bro.

[Pat]

All right, don't say her name. Just whatever her fake name was, just say that.

[Caller 7]

I think I gave her the name.

[Caller 2]

Selfie.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Crash]

Are you good with names now?

[Caller 7]

All right, all right, Sophie. I think we just, like, obviously, during that, our. I gotta restart. Sophie. Sophie.

[Caller 8]

My bad.

[Caller 7]

All right, Sophie. I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna be straight to the point, please. This is over, and I'm sorry I said the wrong name, but I got. I got things beyond the horizon for me. And I'm also leaving you because you're not ambitious enough.

[Caller 8]

Hold on.

[Crash]

That's too much.

[Pat]

Airing out his grievances now.

[Crash]

No, we cannot let him bash her, bro.

[Caller 3]

I got more in the chamber.

[Pat]

Go ahead, bro. Speak your truth, brother.

[Caller 4]

Bro.

[Caller 7]

And I can't get over, bro. Her gay friend is not gay. Like, straight up. There's no way.

[Crash]

Well, why do you say that, bro?

[Caller 4]

I don't know.

[Caller 7]

They just be like. Like, I don't know. I've never seen a gay dude touch a woman so much, and I'm like, I don't know. It makes me a little uncomfortable.

[Crash]

You want him to switch to you,

[Caller 7]

man, I don't. I don't shop on that side of the aisle, bro.

[Crash]

Oh, man, you so good with the words. Amazing.

[Pat]

But have you talked to her about that?

[Caller 7]

Have I talked about the gay best friend?

[Pat]

Yeah, bro.

[Caller 7]

That's like. That's my go to argument. That's my go to, like, deflect.

[Crash]

No, I think.

[Pat]

What do you got to do to prove it, though? That he's gay?

[Crash]

I. I don't.

[Caller 7]

I'm not playing chicken with the guy.

[Pat]

Like, that's what I'm saying.

[Caller 5]

Prove it.

[Crash]

That's what I'm saying. You either. I think.

[Caller 7]

No, it's one of those things. It's. It's simply a hypothesis, but I'm not trying to experiment.

[Crash]

Oh, my gosh. I think we actually try to make the. The callers longer this episode because it's a caller's only episode. Oh, that. Yeah.

[Caller 7]

I did not.

[Crash]

Pipe down, little nigga. But like, this. This do make us not want to talk to him because he's like. He's not. He, like, one of them dudes. I think he's smart because he used big words, but actually he's dumb as.

[Caller 2]

So.

[Crash]

But we're gonna let him.

[Caller 7]

I never claim to be smart.

[Crash]

We're gonna let him continue because, you know, we need the extra 30 seconds. So what's up, bro? Sorry I had to do, like, an ad break.

[Pat]

Yeah, we muted you, bro.

[Caller 7]

Man, that's crazy.

[Pat]

What happened?

[Caller 7]

I was just told my vocabulary makes me sound dumb.

[Pat]

All right, bro, you have a good one.

[Caller 7]

You two guys take care. I'mma go break.

[Pat]

Oh, man.

[Crash]

Yo, yo, yo.

[Caller 6]

What's good, Crash, dummy.

[Crash]

What's up?

[Caller 6]

Said nothing. Just chilling right now.

[Pat]

Where are you from?

[Caller 6]

I'm from North Carolina. I was on here like, a couple months ago.

[Crash]

Oh, welcome back.

[Pat]

Were you at the show?

[Caller 6]

No, no, no, no. I'm only 20, bro.

[Crash]

Oh, okay. Okay, get in.

[Caller 6]

I need to, like. I' ma just, like, force my way in there, bro.

[Caller 3]

Y' all gonna let me in, right?

[Pat]

Try, bro. I don't know what security gonna do about it.

[Crash]

But now if we was in, what city was that? That was Raleigh. Yeah, if it was in Raleigh, you forced your way in there, you would have got the beat out of. That was the best security. That was the best security guard we ever had.

[Pat]

Shoota. Did you dirty.

[Crash]

Should have. Did you so dirty.

[Pat]

All right, I got a question for you. What's a hill that you're willing to die on?

[Caller 6]

All right, so I think, like, as a man, like, you should not be mad if, like, I. If you get, like, a home record. Like, if your girl cheating on you, like, you should just blame that on your girl, not the dude. Yeah, because your girl the one going.

[Pat]

Yeah, Yeah. I feel like that's like, that. Vice versa as well.

[Caller 6]

No, I don't know about all that, bro.

[Pat]

Hold on, Wait.

[Caller 6]

Why, like, nah, Girls shouldn't be cheating on their man. That's like foul as hell.

[Crash]

Oh, man, come on, bro, don't do this, bro.

[Pat]

What's the difference? You think? Are you lucky? This is a listener caller only episode. Please, we're gonna entertain this conversation.

[Crash]

Please. No, no.

[Caller 6]

Okay, I will listen.

[Crash]

Just listen, please, Please. No key and lock analogies, please.

[Pat]

No, go ahead, bro.

[Crash]

Keep that to yourself.

[Caller 6]

But listen, when girls cheat, it's like they be more. When they do it, they doing it to prove a point. When dudes see it's just because they horny and they just trying to, like, they trying to get a nut off and.

[Pat]

Yeah, you don't think girls want to get a nut off either.

[Caller 6]

They can just rub their bro, like, or get A dildo or something. They ain't gotta go.

[Pat]

You can do. You can do the same thing they can do.

[Caller 6]

No, that's down bad. You can't get a pocket as a man. That's crazy, man.

[Pat]

As a man, you can get a pocket. You can also get a dildo. I'm just saying, though, you got three options. Oh, my God. You in a relationship, Lucky.

[Crash]

We need college today. I'll say that. Lucky, bro.

[Caller 6]

Nah, I ain't in a relationship.

[Crash]

It's a good day for you, bro.

[Pat]

Have you ever been in a relationship?

[Caller 6]

Yes. Yeah, I have.

[Pat]

And what. What happened to your last relationship? I'm assuming you cheated.

[Caller 6]

No, no, no, I didn't cheat.

[Crash]

I got his heart broke.

[Caller 6]

Never that. I just, like, he definitely.

[Caller 4]

I don't know.

[Crash]

Got his broken half. What'd she do to you, twin?

[Caller 4]

All right.

[Caller 6]

I did.

[Crash]

And we already hit, bro. We could tell by the way, like, you talking. So you're talking so illogical right now. And the way you move. So a woman definitely stepped out on you across a boundary. That hurt your feelings. So what was it?

[Caller 6]

Yeah, I ain't go. I caught it, like, one of the live shows, and I told y', all, bro. It was this girl I was messing with, bro. It's when I was in college, bro. And then, like, we stopped talking, and she, like. She the. With my hoodie on.

[Crash]

Was it zip up?

[Caller 6]

It was not a full zip. It was a weekend hoodie from Sheen, so I wasn't really tripping.

[Crash]

Wait, so it wasn't full zip? So she couldn't even zip it all the way down? Nah, I'm just.

[Pat]

She was, like, snug in the hoodie.

[Crash]

She was, like, in that. The sex air definitely went in the hoodie and got trapped. Did you get that hoodie back?

[Caller 6]

Those. It's crazy.

[Pat]

I was running it back. How'd you find out again?

[Caller 6]

I was like. Cause I told her I wanted my hoodie back, and she was like, yeah, she told me that. So I was like, damn, you can keep that, ho.

[Crash]

He was probably honest. He was probably hitting it and grabbing the hoodie part, too. The hood?

[Pat]

No, he definitely grabbed the hoodie. Definitely grabbed them, or did it have strings on it?

[Caller 6]

No, no.

[Pat]

I'm about to say. He must have had that, like, horse rains. That's all right, bro.

[Crash]

No, it's all good.

[Pat]

That don't have to be a villain arc, bro. There's good girls out there.

[Crash]

Nobody. Like, there's women out there that won't do that to you. They're just One of your T shirts

[Pat]

or not tell you.

[Crash]

Yeah, she told you, too. You got to appreciate her honesty.

[Caller 6]

Yeah, she told me that. I'm like, that's cool. Now I know I can't with you because you moving crazy. You out here. Just in and out. What the hell?

[Crash]

It must have been uncomfortable.

[Pat]

Was it your girl girl or just a girl you were talking to?

[Caller 6]

It was kind of. We were just talking a little bit.

[Caller 2]

Okay.

[Caller 5]

Okay.

[Crash]

I mean, some people got different dating rules, you know?

[Caller 6]

Yo, I don't know who's letting that slide.

[Caller 3]

No, that's a cuck.

[Crash]

Get a hoodie that say cuck on it. The Oregon Cuck.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. All right, bro. You have a good one, man.

[Caller 6]

All right.

[Crash]

Ohio State Cucks.

[Pat]

Oh, man. Now he sounded hurt.

[Crash]

No, I knew. The thing about it is, like, when someone says, like, a bunch of illogical things back to back to back, like, oh, women can't do this, man. Can't do this. Is because they. It comes from hurt. Only hurt can make you that, Elijah.

[Pat]

Or fear of it happening, too.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because I think some of those red pill guys, I don't think all of them even been in enough relationships to maybe actually get hurt, but they probably been around people that got hurt, and I don't want to be in that.

[Crash]

They got hurt before they know for sure.

[Pat]

I think a lot of them have. They.

[Crash]

All of them have. They just haven't done it on, like, that scale. Because a lot of them can get the girl in the first place. But think about when you was younger and you really like the girl. Right? But you don't say nothing.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

And then months go by, and you don't say none to your friends. It's just kind of like this relationship that you got in your head and. And then one of your friends actually starts talking to her because he actually says something, and they start dating. That's how they get they. You know what I'm saying? They ain't saying nothing to the girl. Now she married. Now he hurting. You know what I'm saying?

[Caller 8]

Y' all hear me?

[Caller 5]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 8]

What up?

[Pat]

What up?

[Caller 1]

What'd it do?

[Caller 8]

What it do?

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash Tummy's podcast, man.

[Caller 2]

What's up?

[Caller 8]

Good to be back. It's like, twice in one week.

[Caller 6]

Damn.

[Caller 5]

Damn.

[Crash]

This is definitely a mistake calling me. Did you make the podcast the first time?

[Caller 8]

Yeah, I did. It was the same podcast with the dude was talking about Pagan.

[Crash]

Oh, yeah. Maybe that's why y' all called him. Make it, man.

[Caller 8]

He said I couldn't beat that.

[Crash]

No, I'm saying, like, as a clip.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah. Got you. Got you. All right, I got a question. What's something that you're ready to crash out over

[Caller 8]

fake wannabe weed mans?

[Pat]

Okay.

[Crash]

Talk about it.

[Pat]

What's your experience, brother?

[Caller 8]

I just feel I. I just feel like if. If this the profession that you chose, you can't be one foot in the door, one foot out, okay? Like, you put you. I hit you. You say, I'm on my way. Then you text me four hours later like, you still need that. Like, I'm. I'm calling the police that

[Crash]

you're gonna

[Pat]

snitch because you're not getting your way.

[Caller 8]

Yeah, four hours is crazy.

[Crash]

Four hours is crazy. Four hours.

[Caller 8]

I didn't probably.

[Crash]

I didn't crazy.

[Caller 8]

Came down and got high again. But see, it's not even that. It's like. Or they'll pull up on you with no bags and, like, putting crumbles of weed in your hand, like. Like, what we doing, bro?

[Crash]

I ain't never had that happen before.

[Pat]

I don't think I've ever even had, like, a weed man before, to be honest.

[Caller 5]

I did.

[Pat]

There's, like, people I've known. Like, you got, like, once in a while, but, like, somebody. Like, how long you been with your weed, man?

[Caller 8]

Bro, I see. I don't have a specific weed man. It fluctuates, okay?

[Crash]

Yeah, that's the problem right there, bro. You gotta find somebody.

[Caller 8]

Like,

[Crash]

I mean, you're not a good scholar.

[Pat]

That's the same thing with barbers. Like, we go to the same barber, right? And once you start going to the same barber of, like, two years, right? And being consistent, they will start making availability for you. Like, if you, like, need a quick.

[Caller 8]

That's.

[Caller 2]

That's.

[Caller 8]

That's true.

[Pat]

So you just bought them the totem pole. That's all.

[Caller 8]

I mean, when you put it like that.

[Crash]

Yeah, it's. You know, it's people out here actually buying, like, a lot of weed, and that's who he catering to. And then here you come asking for a dub. He like, huh. He probably dropped it right in your head.

[Pat]

Nigga do that shit at your door like a newspaper, right?

[Crash]

Bro, you talking about a week supply. He put that shit in whole blind. He looking at you like you crazy.

[Caller 8]

Listen, bro, the. The little spenders matter too, bro. I'm contributing.

[Crash]

Yeah, but as a little spenders matter, like little booties matter, bro. Come on, don't do that, bro.

[Caller 8]

It wasn't supposed to. It wasn't supposed to come out like

[Pat]

That I get what you mean, though. Like, you're a little spender, right? But you also got to know your place then if you're spending a little money.

[Caller 8]

I just want. I just want the standards for the little spenders to be a little bit higher. Like, at least if you're gonna make me wait no longer than an hour, at least have, like, a old chip bag or something to put the weed in.

[Crash]

Like, no, dropping it off in your hand is crazy.

[Caller 1]

No matter.

[Crash]

I get the test.

[Caller 8]

Yeah, like, that's crazy.

[Crash]

Yeah, the time thing makes sense. But for him to drop it off in your hand never makes it. It should always be bagged.

[Pat]

I'm sound like Pat. How tall are you?

[Caller 8]

5 7. Why y' all keep asking me that?

[Pat]

Okay.

[Crash]

It sounds smaller because it's just, like,

[Pat]

certain things where it's like, hair, little, like, drop the weed in your hands just like.

[Crash]

They're not doing that to us.

[Caller 8]

That's crazy.

[Crash]

They're not doing that.

[Caller 8]

That's crazy about that.

[Crash]

They probably be driving on the top of his head.

[Caller 6]

Like,

[Pat]

I just say, though, no looking you eye to eye doing that, bro.

[Caller 6]

What you.

[Crash]

What you do for a living?

[Caller 8]

And then it's, I do merchandising merchant.

[Crash]

Like, what do you do for a living? So I can, like, try to get this scenario to see what you would do.

[Caller 8]

You mean what I do for a living?

[Crash]

Like, what's. Like, explain what you do.

[Caller 8]

Like, put the soda on the shelf, go to the next store, put the soda. I got merchandise.

[Crash]

Oh, got it. You stop. Yeah, yeah. Like somebody that worked for Pepsi and they drive the trucks and they drop the. Okay if. Okay. It only makes sense in this scenario. You drive a truck, though? Like a big truck?

[Caller 8]

Nah, nah, I just, like, drive my

[Crash]

car store to store.

[Pat]

How.

[Crash]

Like, how much soda can you fit in your car?

[Caller 8]

No, the soda already at the store. Like, it's delivered. They deliver it, and I take it out. Like, I don't take it off the truck, but they take it off the truck. I break the pallets down, you know?

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I didn't know they had, like, individual people for that type of thing.

[Crash]

No, I thought it was like, the company that, like, the pop. The soda pop company that does it actually drops it off. But you going around, you don't want. You the nigga that be making the pyramids and shit at the store.

[Caller 8]

Yeah, my shit be fired up

[Caller 6]

now.

[Crash]

I be making the soda igloos, bro. Crazy as hell.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's funny.

[Caller 1]

You're going crazy.

[Caller 8]

So next time y' all go to a. A Walmart or, like, a woman's out here. That's me.

[Pat]

That's your work. I feel it. What do you got to say to your fake wee man? What's your message to him?

[Caller 8]

My message is, if you're gonna be late, at least throw a little something off or throw an extra nug in there, or I will be contacting local authorities.

[Pat]

They gonna be like, how you know

[Crash]

he said a nug.

[Caller 2]

You said what?

[Pat]

They're gonna ask how you know

[Caller 5]

I'm

[Caller 8]

just an anonymous tip.

[Pat]

Okay. That was snitch, bro. All right, bro. You have a good one, man.

[Caller 5]

All right.

[Pat]

Yo, yo, yo.

[Crash]

Welcome to Crashing podcast, bro. What's good?

[Caller 4]

There we go.

[Crash]

What's the word?

[Caller 4]

What's going on, cat?

[Crash]

Yo, yo, good. We got. You got two questions, so we gonna have to hurry you along. We don't mean to catch you.

[Caller 2]

I know.

[Caller 4]

You good, dog.

[Caller 1]

Okay.

[Crash]

What's something you need forgiveness for?

[Caller 4]

Forgiveness for? Yeah, I, I, I. I got a. A glizzy during that Michael Jackson movie, dog. I got a glizzy. A hot dog. One of those. Nathan hot.

[Crash]

Like, is it something you usually order when you go to the movies? Or it's like you felt. Was it a special occasion?

[Caller 4]

I was with my girl, bro. We was looking at the menu, you know, we was going down to the options, and I was like, I don't want no popcorn. I don't want no candy. And I looked at that glizzy, and I was like, damn, that glizzy kind of looking nice. And she looked at me like I was crazy.

[Crash]

No, don't stop.

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Caller 4]

That jam was busting. I ain't gonna hold you. Shout out Michael, though. And that Joe had me tweaking the whole time. I seen in my dream.

[Pat]

I thought he talked about me for a second. I was like, wait, what?

[Caller 4]

I don't see y' all in my dreams.

[Pat]

What's wrong with eating a hot dog, though?

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Caller 4]

Nah, it was mostly just a setting, you know, being in the. The movie theater, you know, eating that Jane, you know, I'm looking around, you know, everybody got popcorn.

[Pat]

Yeah, I feel it.

[Crash]

He said, everybody got popcorn. Let me get a hot dog.

[Caller 4]

I think a lot. The girl beside me, she was looking at me like I was crazy. I'm like, bro, I'm about to this up, bro.

[Pat]

I do. I kind of get it. It's just like, what you ate, what you were eating kind of seemed extreme for the setting, because I feel like if you got a burger, kind of the same thing.

[Caller 4]

Yeah, I feel. I felt kind of disrespected because it was just. It was Michael Jackson. I felt like I did him wrong. I mean, I feel like the King.

[Crash]

You didn't eat his glizzy, so you good, bro.

[Caller 4]

You right. I ain't eating his glizzy yet.

[Pat]

You ate Michael's good.

[Caller 4]

I just hope nobody recognized my voice tonight, bro.

[Crash]

It's a hot dog, bro. It had the bread on it though, right?

[Caller 4]

Yeah, it had the bread. Bread, ketchup, relish, you know, had the whole thing. Matter of fact, I just door dashed two grizzies last night.

[Caller 3]

Oh, no, no.

[Pat]

Okay, no, this is where we draw

[Caller 4]

the line

[Pat]

what's out? Door dashing hot dog is crazy from where,

[Caller 1]

bro?

[Caller 4]

It's this place called Nathan's, bro. I thought it was like a FR FR hot dog place that came from Denny's, bro. I was like, damn, I ain't know Denny's whipping them up like that.

[Crash]

No, that's crazy. A Denny's hot dog, bro.

[Pat]

I just think door dashing hot dogs is just extreme because there's so many other options that you can get besides a hot dog. I guess sometimes a hot dog you walk. Go ahead.

[Caller 1]

My bad.

[Caller 4]

Not the end of my city ends with berg I live in the ghetto it won't nothing open at the time.

[Crash]

Nah, that's the type of. Get a sandwich from H R block what type of. You got a hot dog from Denny's? You a different breed, bro.

[Caller 4]

I ain't always Denny's. Bird doordash play man, they said it was Nathan's hot dog.

[Pat]

How did you find out it was from Denny's though?

[Crash]

It's a ghost kitchen, right?

[Caller 4]

I was, I was looking at the. The location, I was like, bro, let me see what this ain't that. I was like rainbow hot dog place where I'm at I was looking at the location, it said Denny's.

[Crash]

Wait, wait, wait. So you typed in hot dog? You didn't just run into it?

[Caller 4]

You know, it's crazy. I actually typed in glizzy. I didn't even think doordash was gonna even know what I was asking for.

[Pat]

Nah, that's what. Why were you craving hot dogs at

[Crash]

that time on a different side of doordash? This must be another app.

[Caller 4]

I don't even know if you. I ain't gonna lie, it's cuz my girl ain't had the crib so I kind of had been feeding myself for the last few days.

[Crash]

He said his girl go give me two hot dogs.

[Caller 4]

Yeah, I was like it, man.

[Pat]

N eating hot dogs at your house is in general, too, is kind of crazy.

[Crash]

Your girl's not there either, so you order two of them is so crazy,

[Caller 4]

bro, I ain't go. L. I had to wait for the doordash dude to leave, bro. I ain't want him see me pick it up at the door.

[Pat]

Did you get a drink with it at least?

[Caller 4]

Nah, I ain't ordering no drink.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. No baloney.

[Crash]

No baloney.

[Caller 4]

I can't. I can't just take the glizzy dry pause.

[Crash]

Oh, man. Can't even help you out there. All right.

[Pat]

What's something you about to crash out about, man?

[Caller 4]

My girl, bro. She be biting her nails, bro. You see, I be. I be trying to spoil her and stuff, you know, try to get her a little bread, you know, get her nails done, and, bro, but she ain't got no nails to get done, bro. She keep biting the man.

[Pat]

It bothers you that much, bro?

[Caller 4]

Yes, bro. It's like. Like. I don't know why, bro. It's like we'd be sitting in the car, bro, be told, silence, bro. I look beside me, all I hear is her just biting on her nails. I'm like, yo, calm down, calm down. I know you got a little tism in you just like me, but it's okay.

[Pat]

And where is she discarding the. The nails, though?

[Crash]

That's the key.

[Caller 4]

You see, that's the thing, bro.

[Caller 1]

I don't.

[Caller 4]

I don't really care, but it's like if I just cleaned out my car, bro, and I look over, I see you just, you know, fling that cross her. I'm, you know, I'm get a little upset.

[Crash]

No, right. Rightfully so.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

You're not wrong on that one.

[Pat]

What's their excuse for that? Like, when you bring it up to her?

[Caller 7]

Oh, she just.

[Caller 4]

Well, she'd be like. She just did it for, like, a long period of time, so she just kind of. It's just a habit for her.

[Crash]

Oh, man.

[Caller 4]

But I mean, I just be giving her ass about it. She be good about it.

[Crash]

Okay, what's something that you do that she doesn't like

[Caller 5]

about?

[Caller 4]

Everything, probably I know her ass, but, like, what's something.

[Crash]

Like, what's a. What's a habit that you have? Equival went to her biting her nails and flinging it everywhere.

[Caller 4]

Damn, bro, there's so many things I could probably name. I probably just say get on her nerves in general, you know, I just wake up, you know, I just want to get on her nerves, you know? Just let her know I'm here.

[Crash]

You're the one that's making her anxious. That's why she biting her nose.

[Caller 4]

No bull. She gotta keep them on the ten toes, you know, can't let them go. Go one second, you know, slacking.

[Crash]

I feel it, bro.

[Pat]

Oh, all right, bro. You have a good one.

[Caller 4]

Hey, you too, man. Hey, I'm from Rich. Oh, damn. I got home inside my low, but Richmond with y' all heavy.

[Pat]

Richmond, Va. No, we're gonna be there soon.

[Crash]

No, we definitely gotta come there.

[Caller 4]

Oh, for real? I'm gonna pop up for sure.

[Caller 8]

All right.

[Caller 4]

Me and my girl.

[Caller 5]

All right.

[Pat]

Tell her to leave the nail throw. No buying her nails at the show, though.

[Caller 4]

Yeah, I ain't gonna. No nails, no glizzies. I mean, hamburger.

[Caller 6]

Relapsed.

[Caller 5]

What's going on?

[Crash]

What's the word, brother?

[Caller 6]

Good.

[Caller 5]

Pat. Okay, I gotta say Pat, first off.

[Caller 6]

Okay.

[Pat]

Anything else?

[Caller 5]

Nah, that's all.

[Crash]

That's how, you know, people just use words just to use them. Like when you say first off, there's supposed to be a second off

[Caller 7]

first off.

[Crash]

It didn't have a second off.

[Pat]

What's something. You willing to. What's something. Something that you're about to crash out about?

[Caller 5]

All right, so this new girl just started at my job, and basically my co worker was, you know, telling me. He was like, you got to go ask her out. You know, you gotta. He's basically putting confidence in me. So, you know, I went to go ask her out to the Orioles game. He said yes and all this and that. And now fast forward this week, you know, I come into work, and he's dating her.

[Pat]

Oh, man.

[Caller 1]

So

[Caller 5]

I thought. I thought I was getting coached, but he was just. He was just showing me game film.

[Crash]

Oh, wait, wait. So you were you telling him stuff about her?

[Caller 5]

I didn't know about her? I mean, I just said. I mean, she just started, like, that week.

[Pat]

Oh, so you guys never went to the game then?

[Caller 5]

Hell, no.

[Pat]

What did she say about it, though? She just. Did you just take it as it was already canceled, or did she say that it's canceled?

[Caller 5]

I think it is already canceled. And the way they're hugged up behind them, the way they're hugged up on the bar at work is like that.

[Pat]

Did you bring it up to him?

[Caller 5]

Snitch on them? They gotta get fired? Nah, not at all.

[Pat]

You're about to snitch on them? The hr.

[Caller 5]

Oh, yeah, definitely.

[Crash]

What kind of job y' all got? What kind of job don't tell us where you work at.

[Caller 5]

We work at a restaurant.

[Crash]

Okay, so y', all, like, all waitresses and waiters?

[Caller 5]

Yeah, you know the. That goes behind there? Yeah, she's a server. He's a bartender. I'm a server.

[Crash]

Wait, who? The bartender.

[Caller 5]

He's the bartender.

[Crash]

That's what it is right there.

[Pat]

And you're a server.

[Caller 5]

That's what it is. Yeah, I'm a server.

[Crash]

You know, they. You know, they top dogs around there,

[Caller 5]

definitely. And he's a real talkative guy, but I didn't think he would have stole my. Though, because he's bald.

[Crash]

Well, not your. And also not your woman.

[Caller 5]

Well, not my.

[Pat]

Not your anything, actually. Your co worker.

[Crash]

Yeah, I'm saying. Yeah, watch your mouth, brother. See, that's why you didn't get it right there. That. That makes sense.

[Pat]

Now you about to start a villain arc.

[Caller 5]

Oh, definitely. I'm gonna start off. I'm gonna start off by first telling the manager that relationship around the workplace.

[Pat]

Aren't they allowed to. You're not allowed to date your co workers. If you, like, tell the. The establishment.

[Caller 5]

I mean, but you got to keep that at home, dog.

[Caller 2]

They.

[Crash]

They can. They can kiss in the back of Texas row houses.

[Caller 5]

No, they can't. They cannot kiss.

[Crash]

They came. Bro, you didn't even talk to her, bro. You never really even talked to her.

[Caller 5]

I put in work, man. I bought the. I bought the. I got two tickets to the Orioles game.

[Crash]

Did you tell her about it?

[Caller 5]

Yes.

[Crash]

She accepted it.

[Caller 5]

That's what I'm saying.

[Caller 2]

But then.

[Pat]

But you never even followed up, and

[Caller 5]

it was already cooked.

[Crash]

You didn't follow it up. So you didn't talk to her all that time. Like, when was the game?

[Caller 5]

Oh, the game is next week.

[Crash]

When did you talk to her?

[Caller 5]

She started two weeks ago. I talked to her on a Monday, and I got her number, too.

[Crash]

Okay, so have y' all been talking in between that time?

[Caller 5]

All right, I talked to her more at work than I do over text now.

[Caller 7]

Come on, man.

[Crash]

Come on, man. Like, you got to be real with yourself. You not even when she. She's only talking to you when she's at work. When she goes home, she's not talking to you.

[Caller 5]

You right, though.

[Crash]

Come on, now. You knew what it was. That's why dude was talking to you like that. He was trying to see how far along you. I'm just saying. He was trying to see how far along you were. That's why dude was talking to you like, let me make sure buddy ain't in there. Like, I'm in there. And then once he found out, like, damn, he don't even text her when she goes to the crib. This ain't even got enough confidence to talk to her. Give me that.

[Pat]

Now, Fabi, ready to give y' all advice, cuz? He got mostly sisters. Almost all sisters. So you be low, bro. In some of these I feel like.

[Crash]

No, that's not little bro. That's not low, bro. But that's like real. He sound like a young dude anyways. It sound like he like 22, 23.

[Caller 5]

Yeah, I just turned 20.

[Crash]

That's what I'm saying. This a little ass, dog. How tall is you too? Oh, here we go, bro.

[Caller 5]

Five, nine.

[Crash]

All right, we'll leave you alone.

[Caller 3]

All right, bro.

[Pat]

Have a good one, man.

[Caller 4]

All right, bro.

[Caller 3]

All right.

[Pat]

Appreciate you, bro.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. Can y' all hear me?

[Caller 5]

Yeah.

[Pat]

What up? What up?

[Crash]

What's the wordy?

[Caller 1]

What's up?

[Crash]

Shoulder is. Hold on. All right, we got to get comfortable because we just took like a three minute break. We doing the callers only episode, so we a little fatigue, but we fighting through, bro. And we know that you're going to do a good job

[Caller 1]

on me fast as hell last time.

[Crash]

What are the odds?

[Pat]

I got a question for you. What's a hill that you're willing to die on?

[Caller 1]

I can cheat and lie, but I can still be a good partner.

[Crash]

I don't know what he's saying.

[Pat]

Say it again.

[Caller 1]

Bro, I've been treating my.

[Pat]

No, go ahead, say your answer again. Clearly, I.

[Caller 1]

Hold on. I can be a liar and a cheater, but they don't make me like a piece of. You know what I mean?

[Pat]

Okay, explain.

[Caller 3]

All right, all right.

[Caller 1]

So you feel me? Like, all right, look, next. I got options. And. And I still refuse to leave them. I still refuse to leave my girl for the mission. That makes me even more loyal. All right, like, if I get like. Like if I have a girl and I'm over here like, like, like batter hoes and. And I still refuse to leave my girl for them, that makes me even more loyal.

[Crash]

All right, Height and weight.

[Caller 1]

Huh?

[Pat]

He said. Oh,

[Crash]

all right.

[Caller 1]

But. But I listen to the part. I know what y' all about to do. I'm five eight.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Crash]

High end. Weight?

[Caller 1]

Yeah. All right, I'm five eight. About 200.

[Crash]

No, no, no, no.

[Pat]

About 200.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, about 200. A little over 200. Maybe like 204.

[Crash]

Maybe like 204 to 11.

[Caller 1]

No, no, no. Okay, I see why we hung up

[Crash]

quick the last time. Like this literally, bro, let me tell you how bad you are real quick before we get you off the phone. We doing a listener caller only episode. Like, we damn near keeping every call. But we can't keep this one because

[Pat]

now we're gonna keep it so people know that you know.

[Crash]

Oh, should we show them that? This one?

[Pat]

Yeah. You made it, bro.

[Caller 1]

What's it called?

[Pat]

No, you made it to prove a point.

[Caller 1]

Look. Yeah, I didn't even get to elaborate.

[Pat]

Go ahead, bro, elaborate.

[Caller 1]

Look, I can't. I can't, like, treat my girl good. I can take her out and everything. I can be romantic and all that. Just because I step out and get a little variety, it'll make me a bad person.

[Crash]

A little variety.

[Pat]

The reason it makes. The reason it makes you a bad person because you're you. You made a promise to commit to one one another.

[Crash]

Yeah, well, you got a girl. You got a girl.

[Caller 1]

You got the other ones.

[Crash]

You got a girl.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Like, why do you want to do her? Like, what if she did the same thing you doing?

[Caller 1]

Hey, nah, chill out. Hey, look, I support double standards.

[Crash]

I support double standards. But. But listen, I'm letting you know now that if you think that you getting away with this and you. You think she don't know, you crazy. She just doing the same thing. You must be. You must be paying for them 100%,

[Caller 1]

because in the past, they've done the same thing.

[Pat]

Because the way you talk right now is like, you don't sound like he's super sneaky with it, because any as a is cheating on this girl. They wouldn't call a podcast and say that they're cheating willingly.

[Caller 1]

She'll listen to it.

[Pat]

It doesn't matter, though.

[Crash]

But people will get this clip, you know? I mean, all we gotta do is make a clip, and then people will hear this. They'll hear the confidence in your voice, and they'll make it their main mission for her to find it, bro.

[Caller 1]

They ain't gonna track it back down to me.

[Pat]

You come to the live show, though?

[Caller 1]

Texas? Yeah. Y' all coming to Texas?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Yeah, we think about coming. Should we come to Houston, Dallas? What you think?

[Caller 1]

What you do it?

[Crash]

No, I'm just saying.

[Pat]

Where should we come to in Texas?

[Crash]

You don't want us to come to Texas? Yeah, I told y'.

[Caller 2]

All.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I mean, there's. There's several. There's several big cities.

[Crash]

No, no list. Listen, bro, we don't. We. We live right now. We're trying to promo our Texas tour, so we really need you all right, we about to lock back in.

[Caller 1]

You ready? All right. All right. Y' all can do what that is. Houston, Austin, too.

[Crash]

Okay. Okay. And we gonna give you free tickets, too, because. Free ticket. Just let us know which show.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. Huh?

[Crash]

What show?

[Caller 1]

What do you mean, what show?

[Crash]

Just the Dallas, Texas or Houston one? I meant. Oh, sorry. Dallas, Houston or Austin?

[Caller 1]

All right, I'll do Dallas.

[Crash]

You to Dallas. Okay, that's better. We got you, bro.

[Pat]

Where are you from? Like, what are you, though?

[Caller 1]

I ain't from Dallas. You ain't gonna get me.

[Pat]

That's fine. It's. It's okay. Like, what are you, though? I can hear a little accent.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, bro. Y' all trying to get me, bro.

[Pat]

Are you gonna answer the question or not, bro?

[Caller 1]

All right, it. I'm Mexican.

[Pat]

You don't say.

[Caller 1]

I got a thick accent.

[Crash]

Nah, you can't say that, bro.

[Caller 3]

I'm just saying now, come on, now.

[Crash]

No, you do got a thick accent. You from El Paso?

[Caller 1]

Nah.

[Pat]

All right, bro.

[Caller 1]

No, I'm from South Texas.

[Crash]

Nah, nah. You know.

[Pat]

You know, he do sound like from South Texas, Texas, though.

[Crash]

No, he not from South Texas.

[Pat]

Yeah, all right, bro.

[Crash]

He ain't never even Texas.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, yeah. All right. Hey, that's a Patreon or a regular pod?

[Pat]

It's regular pod, bro.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I'm a Patreon listener.

[Crash]

You're about to be single soon, too.

[Caller 1]

Hell no.

[Pat]

All right, bro.

[Caller 1]

That's the thing about having options. I can't be single.

[Pat]

Oh, man. All right, bro.

[Crash]

Yo, What's the word, brother? How you doing, bro? Welcome to Crashing Me's podcast.

[Caller 3]

Welcome back. Y' all did it me last time. I'm gonna let it slide, though. Y' all called back.

[Pat]

What? What'd I do? What we do?

[Caller 3]

Y' all ain't add me to the pot last time. Y' all was tweaking because. Had a fat ass or some. I don't know.

[Crash]

Cause what.

[Caller 3]

Y'.

[Caller 6]

All.

[Caller 3]

Y' all caught me last time, and y' all was asking about the top fives. Y'. All. Y' all was beefing because I. I was throwing. I was throwing little iggy way or some.

[Caller 2]

Okay, I don't remember that.

[Pat]

All right, What?

[Crash]

Sounds like a fever dream or something.

[Pat]

What's a hill that you're willing to die on,

[Caller 3]

man? America was not meant to be monogamous. We are not supposed to belong to one person for the rest of our lives. If you listen to that outside out loud. You say that out loud, it sounds like modern day slavery.

[Crash]

Okay, explain.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Caller 3]

All right. So think about it like this, right when you grew up, you had to love from your mama. You had the love from your granny. You had people at your church showing you love. You had people in your community taking care of you. A new baby would be born in your neighborhood. Everybody show up with gifts.

[Caller 2]

What's your.

[Caller 3]

What's your baby registry? What's your need? Y' all need a crib. We got you. Y' all need some formula. We got you. Y' all need some Pampers. We got you. But we got so selfish along the way that we think, me, me, me. We supposed to have a world. That one girl's supposed to have all of your attention. It's not supposed to work like that. When you get a woman in your life, she's supposed to bring. She's supposed to act. Y' all are supposed to build. You supposed to be twin flames. Y' all get together and your light shine brighter, but that's only amplified by more people. You know, beauty is in the beholder. If you think that your woman is bad, somebody else think your woman bad, too, gang.

[Pat]

Okay, that's a thought.

[Caller 3]

She not gonna be beautiful without the validation from other people. I'm not saying go get a hold. That's for everybody. What I'm saying is you should probably have multiple women taking care of you.

[Crash]

I feel like you skipped a couple steps.

[Caller 3]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Crash]

We got here pretty quick.

[Caller 8]

You didn't.

[Crash]

You just dipped us over here.

[Caller 3]

I hear you.

[Caller 7]

I hear you.

[Caller 2]

Okay, but it's.

[Caller 3]

But it's real, gang. It's real. Think about the. That go to work and got their work life, and they come home and they got their home life. They. They symbiotic. They living in the same plane. Don't. Nothing about that universe has changed. They simply exist in different spaces. Okay, Like, I'm sure you've had a woman call you handsome, and then you've had a woman go out and hypersexualize you.

[Pat]

Okay, Those are all thoughts, though. I feel like those are nothing.

[Crash]

I feel like you just say a bunch of random, and then you go back to your point. It's like you gotta, like, tie it in for us.

[Caller 3]

Like, that is evident.

[Crash]

You have it. I mean, let me tell you. You gotta. You got an idea? Do I agree with the idea? No, but that's your opinion. And there's other people that share your opinion. And then you take us to your point, which is a point, and it's the own idea of itself. But there's no middle part connecting anything. You're not explaining anything.

[Caller 3]

Okay, all right, so let's. Let's. Let's give us a little history lesson. We all came over here on, like, 13 motherships or something like that. Santa Maria to Anne Claire, whatever you want to call it, man.

[Caller 4]

Okay?

[Caller 3]

When they snatched us up out them villages, man, it took a village. You can still go to places like the Mecca, and you can find men that have 20, 30, 40 wives. You know what you don't see in those communities? Structural collapse. You still have those strong bonds that bring communities and people together. You got five or six women that'll walk to a village just to get water. Y' all are sending five women out there to go get water 50 miles in 120 degree heat. Look, while there's still women at your house taking care of you.

[Pat]

So are you. Are you. You're saying that. Are you saying this just from a man's perspective, though?

[Caller 3]

Are you asking if it applies to the female?

[Pat]

Yes. Because your. Your broader statement was about monogamy.

[Caller 3]

Sure, There. There is a Cleopatra out there. Yeah, no, you're right. My statement was about monogamy. I don't believe that monogamy is meant for people today.

[Pat]

Okay?

[Caller 3]

It was. It was something. Let me. Okay, let me preface. That was something that the Protestant people that came and settled in America pushed to the masses, Bro. They stripped you of your education, they stripped you of your religions, and then they came over here and they shoved the Bible down your throat and said, hey, man and woman come together and submit unto God. That's a whole different conversation for another day. Okay, but.

[Pat]

All right, mister.

[Caller 3]

How many girls you got in itself is.

[Caller 2]

Oh, man.

[Caller 3]

Okay, I got a Sugar Mama like 70 plus. I don't date nothing under 25. Bro, you don't. You don't need that. Don't bring you nothing but heartbreak and felonies.

[Pat]

Okay, so how many girls you gotta be. You only said one.

[Caller 3]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Caller 6]

It's a lot.

[Caller 3]

It's a lot. It's a lot, man. They don't all know about each other,

[Pat]

but is your soul. If you're so passionate about monogamy, why aren't you, like, preaching that to the woman that you're with as well?

[Caller 7]

You.

[Caller 5]

You.

[Caller 3]

Look, because the woman today has been conditioned. But believe what she hear in the media, in the music, on the news.

[Crash]

But why don't you. But why don't you find. But listen. But listen, listen, listen. How old are you?

[Caller 3]

26, five days ago.

[Crash]

Wait. How old are you? 26.

[Pat]

I'm not gonna lie.

[Caller 3]

You saw 40.

[Crash]

Wait, okay, but.

[Caller 3]

Hell, no.

[Crash]

But listen, listen. So the thing that's bothering us, right, you about to name off your roster. You about to go through your roster, whether it's three, four, five women, whatever it may be, and you're trying to. Like, basically you're saying you have this because the world isn't meant to have one wife, but there are women that believe in what you believe in, and you don't have any of them. You don't even have one.

[Caller 3]

No, no, no, no, no. Some of them women is on the program. That's. That's beside the point. It's with the way it sounded like he was wording. Your question was, how do you introduce a woman to that? And that's a very different.

[Crash]

But why are you trying to. But why are you trying to. But why are you trying to introduce. But you haven't even practiced it yourself, so you don't even know if you fully believe in something until you start that life, at least with one woman that believes in that direction before you even get your second woman, you know you're doing that.

[Caller 3]

You can't uncommit me. This has been my life for like three years.

[Crash]

I'm not trying to uncommit you. I'm trying. I'm trying to. I'm trying.

[Pat]

We're trying to make it more.

[Crash]

We're trying to commit you more. Like we want you to go all the way. Like you dipping your toe in the water. Yeah, you. You dipping your toe in the water. You can't take women that. Who actually want to have just one man and try to convert all of them to this or even take one.

[Caller 3]

Well, what you speaking of? You saying I can't go steal somebody else's female?

[Crash]

No, no, no.

[Caller 3]

She's already a part of this lifestyle. She probably belonged to a community.

[Crash]

Turn off that brain real quick. Turn on them ears. You thinking too much. You think thinking way too much. All we saying is there's already a community that exists the way that you're talking. So why not just join that community and find someone that's already on that route there? Then you can come back to maybe pushing that agenda after you get started. You trying to push an agenda that you ain't even involved in yet. You don't even do that,

[Caller 3]

gang. You Can I. How do I prove this to you? What part of these women been rocking with me for three, four years?

[Caller 2]

They.

[Caller 3]

They know. They share beds, they go on trips together.

[Caller 2]

They.

[Caller 3]

In group chats.

[Crash]

Oh, I didn't hear that part. I don't I don't remember that part. Maybe I wasn't listening.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, no. See, a female put me on to the game. I didn't even know. I didn't know nothing about that. I didn't know it was women rocking like that or nothing. Okay, So I used to work for a big Fortune 5 company, Smile Direct Club. They make, like, dental liners and shit like that.

[Caller 2]

That.

[Caller 3]

This little Muslim lady came up to me and she said. She broke it down to me like this. She said, my husband got five other wives. If he gonna go cheat on somebody, he gotta cheat on all six of us. They throwing hands with him. Look, but at the same time, he has to be able to still provide for not one, but all of those women. All of those. Not one, not two combined households.

[Pat]

All right?

[Caller 3]

Right.

[Pat]

So how many. How many do you want to marry these women? Like, so do you want, like, wives?

[Caller 5]

Right.

[Caller 3]

Okay, so you. Then you.

[Caller 2]

When you.

[Caller 3]

You talking about a legal barrier?

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. You want five part. Like, how many partners do you want?

[Caller 2]

As.

[Caller 3]

As many as I can handle. Where the. Where everybody's happy.

[Caller 5]

Right?

[Caller 3]

Woman in and she don't mess, she out.

[Pat]

Got it? So what's your. With your financial situation? Right? What's your. How many women do you think you could be in a relationship with?

[Caller 3]

Man, it really. It really just depends on the year. So I only work three months out of the year. I vacation the other nine. Close to 250. $250,000 a year. I left the US three years ago. The last time y' all talked to me, I was here domestically, and now I live in Mexico.

[Pat]

Okay, all right.

[Crash]

But, like. Okay, so. But earlier, the reason I got on you, because you said sugar mama.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, that's one of the few she had.

[Caller 8]

She.

[Caller 3]

So that's her own lane. Like, she got her own house. She owned the block she live on. She owns seven other houses in that community.

[Crash]

Okay, okay, okay, I understand that.

[Caller 3]

She'll cut a. For walking through the wrong.

[Crash]

Okay, but that's what I'm saying. But. So is she a part of this, like, Disney, this team that you're trying to build?

[Caller 3]

She'll support it. If a girl need her bills paid, she there. Say, this woman can't. She gotta go to the hospital. Let's say, for whatever reason, Shorty leaves the program. Go. Gets knocked up by a deadbeat, and now she needs to rely on the community to step up. Now, is she gonna be a part of the life? No. But is we gonna just drop the bitch off at the fire Station. Drop a young lady off at the fire station. No, you know, you grow together, you build bonds with these people. You have love for them.

[Pat]

We're not like, I'm not gonna get on you for the way you look because that is your life. There are people that's. Those lifestyles work for certain people. I think the, the main, our broader point was that the way you're preaching and you said you had the sugar mama and you had some other girls that aren't part of the program yet. So that was where I was trying to get.

[Crash]

I was like, okay, it's everywhere. You're not. You're not living right. So like you can admit that you're not doing it the right way. That's all we're trying to say, you know, you're not doing it the right way right now.

[Caller 3]

I ain't figured it all out yet.

[Crash]

Okay? That's all we say. Because you listen. Because listen, you didn't gave us some metaphors and talking about ships coming over and all this shit. So it sound like a nigga that got it together. That's all we was trying to say is you ain't got it all the way figured out.

[Caller 3]

Well, travel. I done been to 40 plus countries on the same.

[Crash]

I mean, I just feel like people should have it a little bit more figured out and. And at least be living the lifestyle if they come with an opinion on a show that's listen to like 500,000 plus people a month. You know what I'm saying? So it's just like.

[Pat]

Because what you're saying too is that like, obviously monogamy is. Monogamy is not meant to be a thing. Right? But it is working for a lot of people. Half the country is probably.

[Caller 2]

It's.

[Caller 3]

It is okay for some people. Some people don't have the emotional capacity for more than one person.

[Pat]

You just feel like you should be like. You feel like there should be more options presented as like the norm.

[Caller 3]

Look, it's people who check out early because they find out that that girl that went off somewhere. Everybody can't handle that.

[Caller 2]

Okay. Hey. Hey, bro.

[Crash]

So what happened when they find out when all three of their girls. They really gonna get in?

[Caller 3]

Maybe you look, hey, you find your answer for your situation. Maybe I'm just the stepping stone. The flashlight in the darkness and gonna see the light come that way.

[Pat]

All right.

[Crash]

The porch light didn't even turn on. I'm good.

[Pat]

All have a good one, bro.

[Crash]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Caller 3]

I. With the podcast. Y' all keep going.

[Crash]

I appreciate you Bro, also, this. This tweet week says when you drop mediocre brown and get an infinity wipe.

[Pat]

Mediocre brown.

[Crash]

When you drop mediocre brown and get an infinity wipe, you get it. That's actually crazy.

[Pat]

Oh, man.

[Crash]

Yeah, that mediocre brown, like, when you poop that out. About to be wiping for days.

[Pat]

I. I think I became a wipe guy later. Later in life.

[Crash]

No, I mean, at least you found out.

[Pat]

Yeah, I think I probably been using wipes now for, like. There was a point where this podcast

[Crash]

on a pod, when you first started, you discovered it, like, y' all had to give him a little bit more money for the. To clean his ass correctly.

[Pat]

I just. I was just an official. I was just. I was just a, like, long wiper. I used damn near half of a roll. But still.

[Crash]

But it still doesn't get everything.

[Pat]

Yeah, but I also. I always also time my. My poops when I'm about to shower as well.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Pat]

So I shower. It's like every time I. I poop, I shower.

[Crash]

Yeah. It's some wet wipe out here that don't shower. You know what I'm saying? Like, they should just, like. You know what I'm saying? The surf is clean. There's still some grimace. But people were, like, upset at. Some people were upset at Jackson Dart for introducing Trump at some Trump event. He always got one going on. And then some people were mad because Abdul Carter, his teammate for the New York Giants, they both play football.

[Caller 7]

Ladies.

[Crash]

I'm sorry. Some of the ladies. And he said, this is how we roll in. I don't know what the fuck the tweet was like.

[Pat]

No, I saw what you meant.

[Crash]

Whatever I say. He said, how about that?

[Pat]

It was along those lines.

[Crash]

Lines. Yes, it was along those lines. And everybody, like, some people was mad at Jackson Dart. Some people was hyping up Abdul Carter. Like, yeah, get him. Some people was mad at Abdul Carter. Like, why would you say that? And I think it's like, obviously, like, with sports, they try to keep politics away. That's like the. Like, the main spot.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

But finding it depends on, like, especially now. Right. Finding out your QB is maga, like, that affects the team. Like, I don't give a.

[Caller 2]

Now.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Pat]

Especially because Jackson Dart was like, you know when there's, like, that white boy that kind of, like, has the swag.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Pat]

With the chains and like, that.

[Crash]

He fooled me.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Crash]

I ain't going to lie.

[Pat]

So I think just in, like, culture, like, just black culture in general, like, he was. They kind of like, accepted him in that.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

With the chains and him getting, like,

[Crash]

that type of his relationship with Malik neighbors. I'm thinking. I'm thinking he locked in with the guys, and whole time he got a red hat in that locker room, and

[Pat]

it's like, like, your. Your political views are your political views. But, like, if you're, like, on stage with the. It's like, okay, you're like.

[Crash]

Like, this is your guy.

[Pat]

You tapped in.

[Crash]

Like, you too. Like, you might even know what's happening at the straight of Muse. And we don't. Like, you got, like, insider information or some bro. So it just like, it does.

[Pat]

It does. Like, it does. Like, kind of like the locker room does get affected that way, though, especially at quarterback. I feel like if your quarterback is just like, bro, you gotta play Switzerland. Yeah, you got. You gotta, like, you can't have, like, strong opinion or voice your strong opinion.

[Crash]

It's kind of like Drew Brees. I'm pretty sure Drew Brees leaned more Republican.

[Pat]

Yeah, exactly.

[Crash]

But, like, he still messed with the city of New Orleans, and he didn't really, like, push the agenda that much to where, like, people could see, like, Jackson dart. You can't be introducing Donald Trump and expect me to catch this. Catch this slam ball, bro. Or block it got maga span on it, bro. I couldn't get it. Nah, man. No maka. Make. Make. I don't know.

[Pat]

Oh, shout out to our comment section, because last week, I feel like there was a lot of comments, even a lot of the ones that are disagreeing with us about, like, the roast and all that other stuff. I like to appreciate the people that disagree with us that actually make like, like, educated points of why they disagree. Not just like, like, y' all dumb as. Although there was some of those ones, but there was actually people giving their opinion on something. Because I don't.

[Caller 2]

We don't.

[Pat]

Oh, y' all don't always have to agree with us. And because we don't, I sometimes I say, I said that last week, or I disagree with myself or my mind can get changed. So I like, I appreciate the comments, good or bad, but especially the educated ones that disagree.

[Crash]

And you got to be educated, like, bro, if you want to be funny and troll, at least do us a service of putting a timestamp of when you were talking about.

[Pat]

About.

[Crash]

So if you go, oh, Pat sound is so stupid here. Right? Don't just say Pat sounds so dumb over the whole podcast. Like, oh, Pat sounded dumb. This episode put the timestamps where you thought I sounded Dumb so I can put the time stamps of when I'm gonna beat your ass.001 now as you.

[Pat]

As we rounded out two or two, like shout out to everybody that came out this show. I want to just give a big thank you for that. That for people that came out the show, bought tickets, bought merch, bought patreon. Am I slamming the table? Yeah, I just. I even told myself not to slam on the table.

[Crash]

Slamming the table during the time you thanking people and.

[Pat]

But no, they just to let you know

[Crash]

why you QB clap, you know, you know, when the crowd too loud.

[Pat]

No, I appreciate y' all continue to support us to continue to. What else do we.

[Crash]

Yeah, let us know. Obviously. I hope y' all know like a lot of the tour. Like I say like 50 of the tour had to do with places y' all told us. I would say like 75% of the merch we put out has been like off some of your suggestions and stuff that we put together. You know what I mean? And so keep shooting out ideas. For every hundred dumbass ideas we get 10 really good ones. And sometimes like literally somebody that gave me an idea for like a segment one time I had scrolled up through the Instagram and he said 20 other things and I looked at all of them and said damn them. Maybe do cooking. And he didn't. And it was 20 stupid ass things. But the last thing he said was great. And I used an episode and it went over, went over good. So like keep shooting y' all shot. We appreciate all the feedback, even questions

[Pat]

that we should ask the listeners because there was somebody, somebody that was saying. Sometimes the questions get repetitive and hope you guys noticed. Like the past couple episodes we kind of switch it up. But give us some more questions y' all want to hear people answer or different diaries, like ideas for topics.

[Crash]

You see where we putting this at in the pod? If we wanted everybody to know this information about what to suggest, we would have put it at the beginning of the pod, put it at the end of the pod. For the people that rock with us, that listen to damn near every word we say, we appreciate y'. All. Let us know. You know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

That's been episode 260. Peace.