As A Man w/ Joe Santagato - Episode 256

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast - Episode 256

Episode Title: "As A Man" w/ Joe Santagato
Release Date: April 29, 2026
Hosts: Patrick Johnson (Pat), Michael Esiobu (Gene)
Guest: Joe Santagato

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Episode Overview

This episode of the Crash Dummies Podcast, featuring comedian and podcaster Joe Santagato (“The Basement Yard”, “Other People’s Lives”), dives deep into the unwritten rules of manhood, wild personal stories, current events, and hilarious listener call-ins. The panel teases out “as a man…” scenarios, pokes holes in toxic masculinity, and shares highly relatable (and occasionally outrageous) cultural observations. They also take live calls, riffing on everything from airport stereotypes to hygiene hot takes.

The episode is a blend of raw banter, comedic hot takes, and genuine audience interaction in the trademark irreverent tone that Crash Dummies is known for.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Behind the Scenes: Group Dynamics & Tour Life

• Tour Exhaustion & Airport Stereotypes

  • Joe, Pat, and Gene open up about traveling for their live shows, observing the quirks of travelers, and joking about old men coughing in airports.
    • [05:03] Gene: "I'm almost positive older white men go to the airport just to cough."
    • [05:40] Joe: "People who have really large luggage are usually the most annoying...they think everyone in there works for them."

• Travel Habits & Luggage Stories

  • Tales of people trying to sneak extra bags through, and culture shock around food abroad.
    • [08:15] Joe: "Arrest this woman. No one should be traveling with that much weight."
    • [09:23+]: Stories about smuggling weed in London ("I dug in my pocket...just weed particles going everywhere...I grabbed a plate of beans to just act normal.")
    • [10:00]: Discussions on UK food – beans for breakfast, blood sausage, differences in bacon.

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2. Food, Health, and Questionable Habits

• Food Preferences & Health Awareness
  • Gene claims he’s health-conscious until called out for eating Doritos and deep-frying hot dogs.
  • Hot Dog Cooking Techniques:
    • [11:10] Gene: "I break up my hot dogs, too. Into nine pieces. Then I fry them again."
    • [11:23] Joe: "Now they're worse for you. Let's deep fry these a little bit, everybody."

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3. Manhood, Friend Rules, and Social Norms

• The "As A Man" Game – Rules & Humor

  • Take on social expectations tied to masculinity, both satirical and serious.
    • Freestyling:
      • [02:26] Gene: "As a man, you should know how to at least freestyle."
    • Asking if someone is tired:
      • [23:40] Gene: "As a grown man, you shouldn't ask another man if he's tired."
    • Naming group chats:
      • [24:53] Gene: "As a grown man, you shouldn't have a group chat name."
    • Holding phone with two hands:
      • [32:19] Gene: "As a grown man, you shouldn't hold your phone with two hands."
    • Running across the street/chasing an elevator:
      • [33:33] Gene: "As a grown man, you shouldn't run across the street...or run to the elevator when it's closing."
    • Waiting inside for your ride:
      • [30:31] Pat/Gene: "As a grown man, you shouldn't have a ride waiting outside. Go wait for your Uber on the street like a man."
  • Joe: Consistently brings a self-deprecating, observational New York humor to each point.

• On Knowing Too Much About Your Boys

  • [64:04] Zambian Caller: "As a grown man, you're not supposed to know unnecessary things about your boys. Like birthdays, favorite colors..."
  • [64:42] Gene: "He's right. No, he's cooking. Birthday...no, you're right, because it's like, why the f*** are you telling me that?"

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4. Podcasting & Social Media

• Vlogging as a Grown Man
  • [57:45] Truck Driver: “As a grown man, you shouldn’t be vlogging every day...if you’re doing it for years and only your grandma watches: stop!”
• Social Media Validation
  • [59:20] Gene: "You got me blushing over here...But that's how those people feel with those 11, 12 likes—that's a lot!"

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5. Dating, Relationships & Personal Stories

• Foot Pics, Fetishes, and "Side Hustles"

  • [14:06] Joe: "I sold a picture of my feet once...Just to say I was a sex worker for a day."
  • Discussions around kinks, fetish meetups, bizarre dating pool logistics.
  • [22:48] Joe: “When you have something so specific, and then you find someone who’s like, I’m into that, too. That must be, like...no one else is going to do it for you.”

• Call-In Segment: Relationships

  • [50:05] Female Caller (South Africa): Bought ex a PS5 despite bad relationship.
  • Pat and Joe encourage her to move on, joke about hosting a dating show for her.

• Homelessness & Survival

  • [41:59] Joe: Tells a story about “Homeless Joe” in NYC, who’d use gym memberships for showers and be “well-presented” while technically homeless—eventually becoming a viral figure.

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6. Listener Call-Ins: Unfiltered Opinions & Hot Takes

• Hygiene Hot Takes
  • [44:26] Caller: "Not showering after sex is top tier. I just like that nice sex coochie smell...I get to scratch my nuts—a little scratch and sniff."
    • Hosts incredulous but in stitches.
    • [45:39] Gene: "So you're only having sex so you don't have sex consistently, that's what you're saying? Because you're saying one or two days, so you have to wait one or two days."
• Fashion Opinions
  • [53:25] Ola: “As a grown man (or woman), you shouldn't be wearing all white, down to the shoes—unless you’re like, throwing an all-white party.”
• Political Geography
  • [61:40] Caller: “The US has too many states. Wyoming can go. No need for two Carolinas or two Dakotas.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Airport Types
  • [05:40] Joe: “People who have really large luggage...think everyone in there works for them kind of thing.”
• On Masculinity & Absurdity
  • [24:03] Gene: "Like, what do you expect him to say? Like, my girl usually rubs my back at this time?"
  • [23:59] Pat (on asking a man if he's tired): "Because then it makes sense in my head why he's laying on the couch with his hat over his head."
• On Group Chats
  • [25:29] Joe: "White people...we do...dog Instagrams, kiss our dog on the mouth...what type of group chat do you have...?"
• On Chasing Hats
  • [35:08] Pat: “My hat...started blowing down the street...do I chase this? I started giving a little run...it was windy as fuck.”
• On Gift Giving in Bad Relationships
  • [50:05] Female Guest: “The strangest thing I’ve ever spent money on? The PS5 I bought my lame ass ex when he very clearly did not like me.”
• On Self-Awareness
  • [64:40] Gene: "No, he's right. No, you're cooking. Birthday...you can't be knowing your boy's favorite color."

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Memorable Segments & Timestamps

• Airport Archetypes & Luggage Rants: [05:03–08:44]
• UK Food Hot Takes: [09:23–10:27]
• As a Man Game – Group Chats, Freestyling, Tiredness: [23:32–32:10]
• Running Across the Street & Losing Your Hat: [33:33–36:16]
• The “No Shower After Sex” Debate: [44:26–48:52]
• Relationship Callers (Buying ex PS5): [50:05–52:51]
• All White Outfits & Cultural Dress Codes: [53:25–56:45]
• “Too Many States” Caller: [61:40–63:18]
• Knowing Too Much About Your Boys: [64:04–66:47]

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Final Thoughts & Tone

The episode is a high-energy blend of locker-room humor, cultural hot takes, and off-script honesty. The trio (and their callers) lampoon narrow ideas of masculinity, riff on the randomness of daily life, and never miss a beat in keeping the tone playful, self-aware, and authentic.
Joe Santagato fits seamlessly—his quick wit sparks with Pat and Gene, especially in moments of “as a man…” absurdity, and his personal stories (selling a foot pic, “Homeless Joe”) add both hilarity and candid insight.

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For listeners new to Crash Dummies, this episode is a prime introduction to their comedic chemistry, willingness to challenge norms, and ability to make all guests, callers, and topics fair game for honest laughter.

Transcript

[Caller 1]

Focus features in Blumhouse Obsession.

[Caller 2]

When I have a crush on a

[Gene]

guy no one knows. Be careful. I wish Nikki loved me more than anyone in the entire world.

[Caller 1]

Who you wish for?

[Gene]

Obsession is 96% fresh on rotten Tomatoes.

[Pat]

I love you so so so so much.

[Gene]

It's blood soaked nightmare fuel. Brooke's blood you put on her. You have been warned.

[Caller 1]

Obsession.

[Gene]

Rated R under 17 animated without parent only. Theaters May 15 with special engagements in Dolby.

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[Pat]

Before we get into episode, we are on tour crashdummieslive.com I think the dates we have left at this point are only Toronto and Detroit. Detroit, yeah. So get your tickets. Toronto, Detroit, get your tickets.

[Gene]

Last hurrah. Maybe we coming overseas after that.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the other thing in the comments. Let us know where we should go go next.

[Gene]

We hear y' all London, we just need a little bit more comment so we just short, you know what I'm saying? Ain't nobody coming over there just to eat beans and no let's talk about the intro to last Pie. Like you niggas is not real. You niggas does not feel. You niggas does not chill. I look, I went and looked at last part and I was like what the fuck is this? We didn't probably earn a new subscriber from the but if somebody looked at our YouTube and clicked on it like I'd be like what the fuck is going on?

[Pat]

I think the funny part was that I went to the bathroom. So this was. This was Gene and past I guess way of wasting time Before I came

[Gene]

back it was more of just like to get ourselves amped up because I'm running off four hours of sleep in Boston. I got a fucking Boston Red Sox hat on like I'm so fucking. They didn't gave me they attitude like fucking knock like I'm like I'm like into it so I'm in a bad mood. So I'm like Gene threw on some music so I'm like oh let me get myself hyped.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah.

[Gene]

And then next thing you know I see a top comment is like J. Cole this think he J. Cole. I'm like, wait, what the fuck are they talking about?

[Pat]

Nigga said stick to podcasting.

[Gene]

Yeah, I mean, that technically was podcast podcasting. And you watched it little. I'm just saying. Just be talking, though. I had a dm. You. So you stop rapping. It's just like, I never started. What are you talking about? I just. I can't say. I can't try to freestyle for three lines. Am I not human as a man, though? Yeah. No, as a man, you should know how to at least freestyle. Yes.

[Pat]

What the hell?

[Gene]

I lose respect for. No, no, you don't lose a respect for somebody that.

[Pat]

That doesn't know how to rhyme, bro.

[Gene]

Listen at.

[Pat]

Thank you.

[Gene]

You at least gotta have. I don't care. Like, so some people not good with words. Like me. It takes me a while to, like, build up words. Like, I'm really good at punch lines, and I feel like I'm good at melodies. But as far as rapping and longevity, I struggle to find the words and stuff. You gotta have one or the other. Like, obviously, everybody can't rap, but you should at least be able to be like. I would say to. Okay, he caught the beat. That's what he would say. If he could rap, he good. But if nigga ain't got no melody, no rhymes, stay the away from me.

[Pat]

How would you even know this as a grown man? Like, in a group of friends, like, how would you know, bro?

[Gene]

You can tell, bro.

[Pat]

Have you heard? You never heard me rap, but I

[Gene]

heard you try to rap your favorite song, and you're actually good at it, so I gave you your respect. It's a song that you stole and you used to rap when you was younger. So it's just like, I heard you rap that before. I heard you rap some UK drill rap where I'm like, if he had to, he could do it just like a level of respect. But it's just like some people I know and like, in a black. Just to be honest. Or they. They minority and they can't put it together. I just like that it's something else underneath there, too. Like, you're probably like. You probably want to go to a KKK meeting, too. That's what's next, man.

[Pat]

The Reach on this episode.

[Gene]

It's whatever, bro.

[Pat]

All right, let's get to the Joe episode.

[Gene]

No, wait, wait.

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Gene]

You, Clay. The Happy International. I'm sorry, Clay. I had you, brother. I gotta stay on the good side, brother. You up.

[Pat]

He'll understand.

[Gene]

He gotta understand, though.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Yeah, come on, bro. You know I had to, man.

[Pat]

Anyway, let's get to the Joe episode. That's not what we're doing.

[Gene]

Hello.

[Pat]

Hey. The radio is for people who are driving. I'll drive down here. Welcome to Crash Dummies podcast.

[Gene]

I'm almost positive older white men go to the airport just to cough. And, like, after seeing that tweet, I want to get your perspective on it. Like, what do you see the most in the airport? Because, like, this. The most I've ever traveled in my life. Like, being on tour, I've been in, like, 10 different cities in the last 13 days, and I'm starting to see a pattern of the same people. But I want to get yours first before I go into mine. Like, what's a. What's a person that you've seen every single time? Like, a type of person at the airport?

[Joe]

For me, I think that people who have really large luggage are usually the most annoying people in the airport that, like, don't even know how it works. You know, like, they think everyone in there works for them kind of thing. And then they always got to go to the counter. They have questions. We're trying to board, and then they got more questions. They're trying to upgrade at the gate while we're already boarding. Like, the bigger the luggage, though. Like, I. And maybe that's just because, I don't know, like, people who don't travel that much, they have a lot of questions and whatnot, but it's like, yeah, we're all here. We're all getting on this thing.

[Pat]

No coughing at the airport. They do be.

[Gene]

No, they always have, like, a little

[Pat]

cough or clear their throat.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I think, for me, I think it's a. A lot of teams, and I like to analyze the. The leader of the. Yeah, because you see that person. There's. There's obviously the. The chaperone, whoever's chaperone the team.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But it's also seen how organized they can be because there was that one lady. I forgot where we were at, but she was. You're. You know. You know what I'm talking about.

[Gene]

No, you're doing that. Don't do that. Yes, you're doing that. You're trying to say she wasn'.

[Pat]

No, you said she was.

[Gene]

She was not a stud. She did not pass the test. She had a wedding ring on. And I saw.

[Pat]

Your studs can't be married.

[Gene]

But listen.

[Joe]

What do you mean? 20, 26. What the fuck?

[Gene]

No, trust me, trust me. I thought I said you got. You didn't see the cut of her pants. Like, she had on Adidas track pants, okay? But it cut out the ankle. And she has some ankle jewelry on. That's somebody's woman. That's a. Trust me. She wasn't a stud. I don't know, but she. She, and this. I know that African guy came up and asked her for directions, and she said she doesn't know. Studs know all directions.

[Pat]

I never.

[Gene]

I've never known a stud that didn't know where something was. Like, she know that. But no, the. The thing that I hate the most is like, I realize people are so used to getting away with shit. And, like, you don't realize that until someone's trying to do it right in front of you. We got somebody in this room. His name's Gene. He always tries to get away with shit. And it's just so funny because it works for them. Sometimes they'll go up to, like, this lady that was in front of me. She had four bags. All four bags were over £52.

[Pat]

And she.

[Joe]

Where's she going?

[Gene]

And she acts surprised every single time she put it on the thing. And they were like, yeah, this one's 53 pounds. She's like, what? Put it on the thing. This one's 56 pounds. She's like, what?

[Pat]

56 is crazy.

[Gene]

She put one on a thing. She could barely fucking pick it up. It was 71.

[Joe]

Arrest this woman. No one should be traveling with that much weight.

[Gene]

And she was acting surprised. And I'm like, oh, she's about to get cooked. And then this dude was like, okay, I'll give you these three, but this one you're going to have to pay for. And I'm like, that's why she keeps fudgeing doing it, bro. Because of.

[Pat]

You got to send her home.

[Gene]

Yes, that's it.

[Pat]

You're not traveling.

[Gene]

He should have maced her, like, right away after this.

[Joe]

Yo, I don't know where you're going with all that luggage. You got 300 pounds of luggage. Like, where are you going?

[Pat]

That is true, too. Especially domestic, too. We're not even in international airport.

[Joe]

Where could you possibly be going for that?

[Pat]

I don't know.

[Gene]

I don't know where the she was going. But I. I try not to harp on too many. People accidentally smuggle drugs to another country on accident.

[Joe]

People make mistakes.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Joe]

We don't judge.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Joe]

Which kind of drugs is it? How much was it to another country is crazy because you probably had to go to the kiosk and Be like, I have nothing to declare and you got just drugs in your.

[Gene]

I.

[Pat]

It was a squished up joint.

[Gene]

Yes. Come on now.

[Joe]

Squished up.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

No, I.

[Pat]

Literally, it was up, too.

[Gene]

It was up we were staying. Where are we at in London?

[Pat]

I forgot.

[Gene]

Like, we're. We're in a part of London that even if they smell some weed, you're probably going to jail.

[Zambian Caller]

Right.

[Gene]

Like, I forgot the hotel. Was it the Ritz in London or something like that, or to Kimpton, whatever. And I dug in my pocket when we were at a bar and I was just like, damn, all this dust in my pocket. And I like, yank it out. Like, how did dust get in my pocket? And just weed particles going everywhere while I'm in this bar. And I just like, man, only thing I could do is like, hurry up and grab a plate of beans to just

[Pat]

act normal.

[Gene]

Act normal.

[Joe]

Quick, get the beans. I did have beans on toast in Scotland. I was like, yo, Loki, this is pretty good.

[Pat]

You fudge with it. I kind of did in the morning. Beans just don't seem like a morning food to me.

[Joe]

It's not. It's not.

[Pat]

But, like, in London, too, I just don't like the way they did their bacon. It's like, not fried to me. It's like they. They put it on the pan for like two seconds. Yeah. And like I said, I don't like.

[Joe]

They have the mushy peas. That shit is nasty. And then there's something else, like blood sausage or something. I'm like, I'm good.

[Gene]

No, that's crazy. It's only one blood sausage around here. That's one time a month.

[Pat]

All right, all right.

[Gene]

No, but we should. Honestly, there should be no more beans, though. Beans should be just the nickname of, like, your fat friend.

[Pat]

What?

[Gene]

That's what I'm gonna nick.

[Joe]

You don't fuck with beans at all.

[Zambian Caller]

No.

[Joe]

Like barbecue beans?

[Gene]

No, not anymore. Like, once I saw how much sugar was in those barbecue beans, it kind of tricked me.

[Pat]

Health consciousness.

[Gene]

Yeah. I mean, I'm definitely health conscious, though.

[Pat]

You just ate a bag of Doritos.

[Gene]

No, I didn't.

[Pat]

Yes, you did. At the green room.

[Gene]

At the green room, yeah. Come on now.

[Joe]

You love hot dogs, apparently.

[Pat]

Hot dogs, green room.

[Gene]

I don't like hot dogs. I break up my hot dogs, too. Into nine pieces.

[Joe]

Nine?

[Gene]

Yeah. Then I fry them again. So they're not hot dogs anymore.

[Joe]

Now they're worse for you. Let's deep fry these a little bit, everybody.

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash the Bees podcast. We got Jokes show with her, with us today.

[Joe]

I appreciate you guys having me on, man. Thank you.

[Pat]

Coming through.

[Gene]

Just the guy, you know, more than us on our own podcast. Yes. We just introduced it, so I feel like we got to introduce ourselves. Hope y' all here, you know.

[Pat]

Oh, this is totally left field, but I was putting on my boxers today, right?

[Gene]

Crazy start.

[Pat]

Yes, crazy start.

[Joe]

Right after the hot dog conversation.

[Pat]

Yeah. As I was putting on.

[Gene]

How do you put all your boxers? Are you left to right?

[Pat]

So I put on my boxers, and I did the little spandex little flip. Like, I was wondering, is anybody else, like, pulls on their spandex?

[Joe]

Like, let it snap against you and

[Pat]

then snap against you?

[Joe]

I'm not putting on pantyhose. I'm putting on boxes.

[Gene]

I stopped that when I grew a dick. That's when I stopped.

[Pat]

I did on accident today. I was like, wait, you put them on?

[Joe]

And then you were just like, I put him on.

[Pat]

I, like, I kind of went to the. I actually recorded the noise because I thought it was actually interesting.

[Gene]

Joe, do your noise again.

[Joe]

Like, with his thumb, your thumbs up.

[Pat]

No, I recorded the sound. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Listen, listen, listen,

[Joe]

Bro, Chill. You need a size up.

[Pat]

Is that a size up?

[Gene]

Is that not a foreplay video or

[Joe]

some, like, someone's ass got smacked in that? That wasn't underwear.

[Pat]

No, that was all. That was all the. The spandex in my waist.

[Joe]

You need to sign up. You get. You got to size up. Because that sounds like it was way too tight, like it was slapping you, dude, that was crazy.

[Pat]

No, no, Nobody else does that.

[Gene]

Knowing somebody needs to size up off audio. It's so crazy.

[Joe]

Yeah, that sounds like.

[Gene]

No, that didn't sound like. I feel very weird hearing that.

[Pat]

Why?

[Gene]

Because you had to be. What, your bathroom in your room?

[Pat]

No, no, I wasn't. The room. I did it the first time without obviously recording.

[Gene]

Are you on? Like, okay.

[Pat]

So I was like, oh, this is gonna be actually funny to bring up. And I want to actually record it. So I had a reference.

[Gene]

That's the word you came up with?

[Pat]

Yeah, I just want a reference.

[Gene]

Okay, so on this video. I don't want to see the video.

[Pat]

No, no.

[Gene]

Are you in the video? No. So just the audio.

[Joe]

He's filming the ceiling.

[Gene]

You're like, those only fan girls. Like, after you pay and shit, you

[Pat]

find out it's all audio.

[Gene]

This could be Mac and cheese for all I know. What?

[Pat]

Just the ground.

[Gene]

No. Why are you showing me this, bro?

[Pat]

Why are you that weirded out, bro?

[Gene]

It literally looks like something you, like, accidentally click.

[Pat]

And the angle's like, this, too.

[Gene]

There's guys that'll pay for that video, though, Mike.

[Pat]

Hey, man, money's money, right?

[Joe]

That's what they say. I sold a picture of my feet once.

[Pat]

Really?

[Joe]

Yeah, just for fun. Just to say I was a sex

[Pat]

worker for a day, like, as Joe basement yard.

[Joe]

Really mad long ago. I love telling the story, though. But I was telling you guys, I do another podcast called Other People's Lives, and we talked to someone who had, like, a foot fetish. So my buddy Greg, who I do the show with, he's like, yo, should we just, like, send pictures to this dude because he's asking for. And I was like, no. Like, no. And he's like, nah, we should do it. And I was like, he's like, yo, we get to say we're sex workers. And I was like, okay, fine. So I took a picture of my foot, and then he sent it to the guy, and then I retired. Right there.

[Pat]

What type of picture was it? Like, was. It was like, you had your foot right now?

[Joe]

No, it was like the bottom of my foot.

[Gene]

Like, this bottom of the foot. I feel like you're supposed to, like. Wait for that.

[Joe]

I'm supposed to what?

[Gene]

I don't know. I feel like the top of the foot. I'm not in a foot game, but I feel like you're not supposed to. I feel like you're not supposed to reveal, like, your bottom. That's like.

[Joe]

Yeah, but I was getting paid.

[Pat]

How much did you get paid?

[Joe]

That's a good question.

[Zambian Caller]

I don't know.

[Joe]

Probably less than you think.

[Pat]

Less than a hundred dollars, you think?

[Joe]

It was probably around there, like, 75, 100.

[Gene]

75. 100.

[Pat]

That'll be like, you know, it knows your foot.

[Joe]

It was a bucket list, huh?

[Pat]

Do you know it was your foot?

[Joe]

Yeah, he did.

[Gene]

So he still has that?

[Joe]

He must. Unless he threw it away and then I'd be offended.

[Gene]

Honestly, I think he still has.

[Pat]

No, he. Definitely.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Especially because you weren't. Was the podcast as big as it is?

[Joe]

No, it wasn't.

[Gene]

So it's worth a lot more, you say? I feel like that times 100 by now, I mean.

[Joe]

Yeah, I think. I mean, the price went up. Yesterday's price is not today's price.

[Pat]

For sure, it's a nft.

[Joe]

But, yeah, the price has gone up. But I was just like. It was. I don't know. It was just, like, a funny thing. And I was like. Then afterwards, I was like, what is what's going on with this picture, though? Like, what is it being used for?

[Pat]

And was it one photo you took? Like, did you take the first? It was like one and done. Or did you like multiple takes? Like, oh, this one don't look right.

[Joe]

Hold on. Turn the light on. Get a lamp over here. No, I didn't do all that.

[Gene]

Did you go running and do it? Let me. Let me get it. You ready for first?

[Joe]

Well, we also talked to another woman who, like, sells her underwear online, and she says that she gets a lot of requests where it's like, wear the same pair and work out with them for like five days, then send it to me.

[Gene]

Yeah, I've heard it all.

[Joe]

It's yo.

[Gene]

Yeah, I've seen like the. I've seen like the clothes thing. We have a woman on who, like, she dated a guy and he wanted her to work 72 hours straight without a shower.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, he liked her musty.

[Gene]

And then come straight home and then he would do it to her armpits.

[Pat]

Yo.

[Gene]

Let's take a quick break from today's podcast to thank our sponsor.

[Pat]

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[Gene]

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[Pat]

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[Joe]

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[Pat]

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[Gene]

Yo, let's take a quick break to thank today's sponsor of the podcast, gld.

[Pat]

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[Gene]

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[Gene]

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[Pat]

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[Gene]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Now when you say do it to it.

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Exactly what you think.

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah. I don't. What did I think? Mike asked him? Like, does it come out of the back of the armpit or does it just.

[Joe]

He's got to be behind her, right?

[Gene]

Oh, that's a good question.

[Pat]

Or in front of like, I think for leverage reasons.

[Gene]

It has to be because you have

[Pat]

to grab here because it'd be awkward.

[Gene]

That's a lot of info. 4 pit position. Gene just said like in real life, is this real? This real info?

[Joe]

What is the four this way back? Yeah.

[Pat]

Side.

[Gene]

Oh. They make an arm bar. Oh.

[Joe]

Kind of like a.

[Gene]

Okay, wait, so somebody could. So that's crazy. So there's guys getting off their dick, being in the headlock. Got it. It's more bully my dick. It's a pit lock.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Give it a nuggie.

[Joe]

I mean, there's. There's people out there that like to be stepped on and kicked.

[Pat]

We had somebody too, on the podcast that like, to get. She was getting paid to kick people in the ball.

[Gene]

She got fired, though.

[Joe]

She got. She wasn't kicking hard enough, probably.

[Gene]

To me, like, all those people are in it for the love of the game. I feel like some people use it as a gateway. Like, hey, if I can pay this woman or whoever I'm paying to do this certain act, if I'm consistent, eventually I could be like, hey, show me your calf muscle. The next thing, you show me your knee.

[Joe]

You know, I mean, I don't know. I don't want to say. In my experience, in the conversations that I've had, the guys who are into getting like, kicked or stepped on or whatever, like, they are hyper focused on that.

[Pat]

Like, it's like, wear a stiletto especially, eventually. Because those people are. The people they're looking for are very niche.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So it's like you won't be able to find them. So. Yeah.

[Joe]

So you gotta.

[Pat]

When you have a crazy kink, it's like your dating pool is very small.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I don't think. I don't think it's as small as you think it is. I think those people actually find their people a lot quicker.

[Pat]

They have like, meetups.

[Gene]

Yeah. Because like, I feel like the attraction. When you have a king, the attraction has to go down. You have to like, start, like, if you like a specific thing, like, if you like. Yeah. Yes. If you like clowns, like, you know, like, where you're going, you know, you

[Joe]

got to find someone who's down to clown, which is not. I mean, a lot of the people that we've talked to, there's like online forums or conventions or whatever, depending on what it is. Like, so one of the more like sexual things are not like conventions, because they're not gonna have like a convention center where people are doing this. But the very niche things, they will find people that are into it, like online somewhere, and then they'll meet up in person. But a lot of them that we talk to that have very specific things, have a partner that are, like, into it and know. And they're just.

[Pat]

That's like the most locked in relationship too.

[Joe]

I was gonna say, when you want to talk about love and also probably, like, they're just having better sex than everybody, I think.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Joe]

With you, if you have something so specific, and then you find someone who's like, I'm into that, too. That must be, like, you know, no

[Pat]

one else is going to do it for you.

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's why you see a lot of stepdads out there. It's a lot of single moms eating ass. Hey, the game is game. Let's see. We can play a game really quick. Should we do that really quick? All right. I got this from, like, multiple places on the Internet. A lot of people are playing, like, as a grown man, there's a podcast in Atlanta that does it, like, sandbox. Sandbox, yes. I like them, and they do it, like, a lot, and that's kind of like their thing, but it's been taken over the Internet, so I wanted to give it a try.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Gene]

No, this is from earlier.

[Caller 1]

Okay.

[Gene]

Mike did this earlier.

[Pat]

I did it.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, my gosh.

[Gene]

It says, as a grown man, you shouldn't ask another man if he's tired. Oh.

[Pat]

Cause I asked Gene if he was tired. He looked tired.

[Gene]

That's crazy, though. Like, why? Because, like, why are you worried about if he sleep? Like, what are you going to do? Like, what are you going to do if he says, oh, I just.

[Pat]

Because then it makes sense in my head why he's laying on the couch with his hat over his head.

[Gene]

Like, what do you expect him to say? Like, my girl usually rubs my back at this time?

[Pat]

I just want a simple answer.

[Joe]

Oh, you think asking another man if they're tired is a gateway drug to tucking them in?

[Gene]

Yeah, it's like, why do you want to know? Like, are you trying to help me go to sleep?

[Pat]

That was a reach. That one's a reach.

[Gene]

That's a reach. Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Rock me to bed.

[Gene]

Yeah, girl. Usually.

[Pat]

So if you saw Gene sleeping and he was, like, sleeping, he looked cold, you wouldn't put the blanket over him?

[Gene]

Hell, no.

[Pat]

Really? If you saw him shivering.

[Zambian Caller]

No.

[Gene]

I'd be mad as fuck. I'd be like, you dumb fuck, take the blanket. Put it up. Yeah. Now he think about to put the blanket over him and start smothering him. Grown man.

[Pat]

Grown man.

[Gene]

Don't shiver. Wow.

[Pat]

That's toxic.

[Gene]

Okay, next one. Next one. As a grown man, you shouldn't have a group chat name.

[Pat]

No, that's that. We have group chat names.

[Gene]

No, no, no, no, no. We don't. Have group chat.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Don't say that. Don't say that.

[Pat]

Yes, we do. We have wine with editing. We have one.

[Gene]

Yes. Let's work. You have to name them because we're in, like, jeans and five different group chats with it. So if I go and type both your names in it. Yeah, I might be talking about it, but, like, yo, there's a.

[Pat]

There's a chat between us, us three, and it says CDP chat.

[Gene]

CDP chat.

[Pat]

We don't stop working there.

[Gene]

Yes, I do.

[Joe]

Oh, you don't. You just know creative names.

[Gene]

You. You have some. Don't you name them? Yeah, bro, look at me.

[Joe]

White people. This is what we do. What's the crazy dog Instagrams. Like, this is. This is what we do. Kiss our dog on the mouth. I don't actually do that. But.

[Pat]

But what type of group chat do you have then, other than work ones?

[Joe]

Like, friends?

[Pat]

Do y' all name it?

[Gene]

Yeah, we want to know.

[Joe]

I don't. I don't come up with the names, but there are names. So when you have a group chat, it's just numbers.

[Pat]

Just people I know with their names.

[Gene]

Usually.

[Pat]

Yeah, but like, if it's like, again, work related.

[Joe]

But how do you know which chat is what?

[Gene]

You might have more friends than us. Maybe that's the other thing.

[Joe]

But like, yeah, for like, work ones. Like, I'll have those, like, depending on, like, so I know how to, like, get to it. Yeah, but I mean, yeah, I'm only really in, like, three chats.

[Pat]

33.

[Joe]

3. Oh, 30.

[Gene]

Fucking talk to the president.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Tiger Woods.

[Joe]

So. But you don't have, like, a group chat with, like, like, five other people?

[Gene]

Hell, no.

[Pat]

No.

[Joe]

How many are in a group chat?

[Gene]

Like, four at the most. Yeah, and it's like, got to be work related. There's no. Like, I don't. I'm not going. I'm not gonna lie. Like, you. For, like, special occasions, like, I go out with this many people, like four, and let's say you add a couple, that's fine.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Special occasion. But if we lived in the same city and we hung out consistently, I would challenge you to break your friend group apart if I'm gonna be a part of it. Yo, who you invited? Nah, nah, just. Just Tom and Jerry.

[Joe]

You got too many people. That's fair. I have one because I grew up with a lot of kids in Queens, So we had a group chat at one point, there was like, 15 people in it, and, like, that's out of control. And, like, that no longer exists. But that Was like, my introduction to group chats was like, there's 15 people at one time talking, and a lot of it's like, dead. But, like, you'll sometimes when the chat is going, I mean, there's 15 people.

[Pat]

Oh, I was in the group chat. Okay. But this is back. This is like maybe like five years ago. It's a Snapchat group chat with random. With random Michaels. And we're. The group chat name was Coochie Wizards. It was Random Michaels. I've never met before.

[Gene]

So, like, everybody. Only reason it was in there, because they were named Michael.

[Pat]

Yes. And I got added by Michael.

[Joe]

You must have been.

[Gene]

But, yeah, James, the one that put me in the group.

[Pat]

No, they took it. I never really. I never said anything. Anything in there. But they would, like, post, like, it's almost like posting their little W's in the chat. And everybody's like, good. Michael Grand Rising Michaels, Grand Rising. Some like that.

[Joe]

Yeah. So, like, oh, I got a promotion

[Pat]

at work today, but Exactly. And I guess there was one dude named Trevor that got into the group and they went crazy on,

[Gene]

like, get this.

[Joe]

Get the.

[Caller 1]

Who invited.

[Pat]

They were mad. They kicked the person that invited Trevor out the group chat. Shout out to the coochie wizards, bro.

[Gene]

That's fire. A guy that is named Trevor would try to get in a micro group, like, what a bitch.

[Joe]

Can I get in with you, Michaels?

[Gene]

No, because usually Trevor suck. You know what I mean? Like, there's no group like Trevor's. They can't even get together.

[Pat]

Trevor Wallace seems like a decent dude.

[Gene]

Trevor Wallace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But name another good Trevor.

[Pat]

Trevor Lawrence.

[Gene]

You think Trevor Wallace and Trevor Ariza would match up?

[Joe]

What, them on a podcast together?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Yeah. If I saw that, I'd be like, this is the most random.

[Pat]

I feel like a fever dream.

[Joe]

Yeah. Like, duo I've ever seen.

[Pat]

Trevor Ariza, too.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I just. I feel like that's how I feel about Lamar Odom and any other human being out there.

[Joe]

If they did a podcast.

[Gene]

I just want to see Lamar Odom with anybody.

[Joe]

First of all, Lamar Odom, he's alive, right?

[Pat]

Yes.

[Joe]

But, you know, the reason why I asked that is because, first of all. No, no, no.

[Pat]

Because.

[Gene]

I mean.

[Joe]

Yeah, hold on. Let me explain why I said that.

[Pat]

Because he's alive.

[Joe]

The reason why I say that because the documentary on Netflix is like, the birth and death of Lamar Odom or something like that.

[Gene]

That was confusing.

[Pat]

Yeah. Okay.

[Joe]

I was like, he didn't die. Did he die? Did I miss that? And then he's like, he's alive. If I was him, I'd be like, oh, take this out of the title. Like, you're making people.

[Pat]

Is that what it's called? The birth and death?

[Joe]

It's called something like that. But, like, I'm pretty sure death is in the title. And that's why I was like, there's no way he's dead.

[Gene]

All I got from the documentary is that I just watched a couple clips.

[Pat]

Yeah, I just seen clips.

[Joe]

The death and life of Lamar Odom.

[Pat]

He did die, though.

[Gene]

He did.

[Joe]

He flatlined.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Yeah, he technically died. Then he went to rehab, and then, like, while Chloe had him at her house, he was, like, sneaking and doing crack again, like, right after he got out of rehab. It's crazy.

[Joe]

That's crazy.

[Gene]

That's so crazy. He's. But no, I definitely. We, like, we almost had him on the pilot one time, though.

[Pat]

That would have been a good episode.

[Gene]

No, really?

[Joe]

You almost had Lamar Odom on the podcast.

[Gene]

I. We're, like, this close. I'm telling you.

[Joe]

That would have been.

[Gene]

It was just too late at night. He's probably already in party mode by then. Okay, this is for Gene again. As a grown man, you shouldn't have a ride waiting outside. That.

[Pat]

That's.

[Gene]

That's so true.

[Joe]

Go wait for your Uber on the street like a man.

[Gene]

Yeah. Like, why is your ride waiting for you? No, I think you're trying to talk to other people.

[Joe]

You know what? I agree with that one. That's so funny. That's a good one.

[Gene]

Isn't that weird? Like, you talking to a guy and just like, yo, bro, when you leaving? And he's just like, oh, my ride's already outside. Just like, what the.

[Joe]

Bro, why aren't you in the car also? Why are you not waiting outside? Is it too cold? Bro, go be a man. Go stand up.

[Pat]

I'm definitely waiting inside.

[Gene]

No, that's crazy.

[Joe]

That's so funny.

[Gene]

Okay, we'll do a couple more.

[Joe]

I also have anxiety about an Uber pulling up and then, like, leaving. Yeah, I'd be so mad if that happened.

[Pat]

Ubers in New York are quick arrival. Like, I've never, like, usually in Milwaukee, it's like, you probably wait, like, five, six, ten minutes. Here's like, your Ubers arrive. Your Ubers arrive. Your Ubers arrive. My way upstairs.

[Joe]

I've arrived, question mark. Like, bro, give me a second. Like, I'm walking towards the car.

[Gene]

I just appreciate them. They're like. It's almost like they're grateful for the work. Yeah, you Know what I mean? They're like, yes, let's get the word. Let me help you with your bags. Let's go. Because, like, in Milwaukee, like, they act like you're hitching a ride. You know, I'm paying for this year, right?

[Joe]

Well, the. The airport thing, which I. I forget where I was just in Calgary. But they're. The Uber is like, when you call an Uber here and you're at the airport, they always get out and they help you with your bags, which I feel like is like, they don't need to do that. Like, but it's. It's nice. Whatever. But they do not do that there. Like, are you calling. They're just like, all right, yeah, your shit's in the back. Okay. And I'm like, yeah, like, you know, that's fine. But it was just funny to see that. Like, I don't know if that's a requirement or something. In New York, where the Ubers have to get out and then help you with your bags.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Joe]

And whatever. Sometimes I want to help, but the guy's like, oh, my God.

[Female Guest]

I was like, all right.

[Pat]

Yeah. Some don't even let you. They're like, one dude slapped my hand.

[Gene]

I was like, hey, no, that's crazy. I got it. No slapping your hand. That's crazy. Okay, this is for Mike, right now. Everybody look at him, camera him as a grown man. You shouldn't hold your phone with two hands. No, it's not.

[Pat]

It's a posture. How do you hold your phone like this? Because, like, I used to go to a chiropractor, like, every week in college, and he was telling me about my posture, so I started practicing holding, like, my phone.

[Joe]

Oh, so that you're not like this.

[Pat]

Yes, I hold my phone eye level.

[Gene]

You went every week?

[Pat]

Yeah, I went every week.

[Joe]

Damn. What the hell happened to you?

[Gene]

That seems a little excessive.

[Joe]

Really?

[Gene]

Every week?

[Pat]

Every week.

[Joe]

Like, did you play a sport?

[Pat]

Yeah, football.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Gene]

Was he hitting you up?

[Joe]

Like, what are you doing? You sound stiff over the phone.

[Gene]

You sound stiff is crazy,

[Joe]

I guess, if you're playing. What position did you play?

[Pat]

Receiver.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Pat]

That's where we met. We met in college.

[Joe]

Okay, so maybe. Maybe forgetting. Fucked up over the middle.

[Gene]

Chiropractic, like, bring your boy in.

[Joe]

Bring the whole receiving core in.

[Gene]

Okay, last one. Okay, let's see. Ooh, I like this. I do. I'm doing this last one because I'm guilty of it, and I got called out on it by these two for both things. As a grown man, you shouldn't Run across the street. And you shouldn't run to the elevator when it's closing.

[Pat]

No, I give. I give it a little throt. Like a.

[Gene]

Which one?

[Joe]

Fake one?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

To the elevator or to the.

[Pat]

To both. Elevator or to what?

[Gene]

Or like, okay, I'm walking and it says stop and you know, the light.

[Joe]

It's like a car coming.

[Pat]

Yeah, no, I'm running across the street a little bit.

[Gene]

It depends on what I got.

[Joe]

You ran.

[Gene]

No, I give a little burst and then I try to, like, cool it out. Like, I'm never finishing running. Yeah, you can't finish. You might as well just.

[Pat]

No finish line finish.

[Gene]

Literally. Might as well just bend over when you cross. You ran over here. Bend over.

[Joe]

Yeah, I'm not running across, but I'll, like, move my arm so it appears like I'm moving. Yeah, yeah. I just want the driver to be like, you know, I'm making some sort of effort, you know, but just walking, like.

[Pat]

Because it's not. It is annoying as a driver when you see somebody, like, walking across the street, very nonchalant, and it's like, they're not supposed to be crossing. It's like, okay, you don't even care. I should run your ass over. I do give a little burst, like you said.

[Joe]

And I'm also too insecure to run for an elevator or like a bus or something. Like, if I'm missing something, I missed it.

[Pat]

I found out. I was like. So my hat, it was windy as fucking Milwaukee. One day I had this. This hat on. It was pretty pricey. Hat.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It blew off my head and it started blowing down the street, and I'm like, okay, this is.

[Joe]

That's.

[Pat]

What do I do? Do I chase this? Yeah. So I started giving a little. A little. You know, a little run. Like my arms fast like you said.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Then it started blowing further and further. So I'm like, okay, I have to give a little speed.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Now because I have to catch this hat. Because it's just gonna be a. It's either gonna. I get it now. And. And the embarrassment is over with. Or. Or I keep running. Try to be cool and run slow, and it just keeps going further.

[Joe]

Are you by yourself?

[Pat]

I was by myself.

[Joe]

That helps. Because if you. If I was with someone and that happened, I'd be like, I'm by myself. Like, I'm probably going to go after.

[Pat]

I got lucky. It blew under a car and it stopped. I was like, thank God.

[Ola]

No.

[Joe]

So then you had to slide under the car.

[Pat]

I'm glad it stopped.

[Joe]

Though.

[Pat]

But at least I was, like, on the. Behind the car, so it wasn't, like, facing the street. It was, like, on the curb.

[Joe]

So I can, like, you're underneath the car. Someone's like, what are you doing? I'm checking the.

[Pat]

And it was one of those things where the curb is pretty high, so I, like, had to, like, really, like. I was, like, down like this.

[Gene]

That'd be so crazy if you died like that. That'd be the dumbest death after what happened to him. Chasing his hat.

[Joe]

It's like a cartoon. Chase my hat right into traffic.

[Gene]

That reminded me of our. Our friend probably had, like, the worst hat moment in college. We were driving down this highway. The driver accidentally rolled down the backseat window, and our prince hat flew off.

[Joe]

Oh, man. And this.

[Pat]

And when you're in the car, there's nothing you can do but look at your, like, tumbleweed.

[Gene]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Because you can't tell him to stop. This shit's gone, bro.

[Joe]

One time I was in an Uber, and I was sitting behind the driver, and he rolled down his window, and he spit out the window, and I felt some hit my face, and I was like, I literally. And, yo, I don't, like. I don't like that type. Like, not. Not that. Like, like, obviously everyone hates germs, and. But it's like, another level for me. I'm not, like, a super germaphobe, but someone spitting on me. Like, I literally was like, yo, I have to. But I'm also not the type of

[Pat]

person to, like, confrontational.

[Joe]

I'm.

[Caller 1]

I'm.

[Joe]

I. I'm like. I can be confrontational, but I don't want to make this person feel bad. It was clearly an accident. So what am I going to get out of that? By being like, yo, like, freaking out, and this guy's in control of my life. So I was like, I'm not gonna mention it. And then I, like, tweeted about it. It's like, as, like, a joke.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Joe]

And then Uber refunded the whole trip.

[Pat]

Oh, dang.

[Joe]

And then I was like, damn, I hope I didn't get this guy fired.

[Gene]

Like, because I feel bad now.

[Pat]

My reaction would have been loud enough. He knew he did something.

[Joe]

If it hit my lip, I would have lost it. I would. I would have flipped the car myself. But it hit me, like, right here,

[Gene]

and I was like, yo, no, I'm literally. I'm literally taking a shit in your backseat. So sorry. I'm literally pulling down my pants and soiling myself in your backseat.

[Joe]

I'm about to get even back here.

[Gene]

He has a. What's that spit story you told to.

[Pat]

With the D ray?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Was that the A dude was at the airport and he was. We are. We were at the stalls peeing. And all I hear is. All I hear is, he's like, fuck, I spit on my dick.

[Joe]

This is a white guy.

[Pat]

Yeah. Come on now.

[Joe]

I know. I knew from the beginning what you said. Yeah. If you go.

[Pat]

He wasn't, like, talking to me. He was, like, talking to himself. But we're only, like, one stall apart.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So it's like. Okay.

[Joe]

You're basically saying that to me.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Joe]

What are we doing here? You didn't even have to announce that.

[Pat]

No, it was just like, he was, like, surprised about it. Was like, what the fuck?

[Gene]

No, I'm surprised he didn't check in on you. Like, yo, bro, did you hear me? Yeah. Let me repeat it. Like, okay, last tweet of the week before we gotta get to callers. Okay. Oh, yeah, my favorite one. Eugene sent me this. He said, moo. Somebody said, what if I cut it both my arms off and went to the sperm bank?

[Joe]

First of all, cut. It is crazy. There's got to be something. There's got to be an answer to that. But also, can they just be like,

[Pat]

you don't think they'll accept his sperm or.

[Joe]

A machine?

[Pat]

Huh?

[Joe]

A machine. A machine who.

[Gene]

He cut both his arms off. How are they going to get his sperm?

[Joe]

Oh, a machine of some sort of.

[Gene]

No, that'd be up. They just had some, like, big buff dude, like, he handle it. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Joe]

Why?

[Pat]

It probably tell him to use his feet.

[Joe]

What was that, like a meme?

[Gene]

Huh?

[Joe]

It was like a meme that you saw or something.

[Gene]

That's a tweet. It's a real tweet. What if I cut both my. Okay, last one.

[Pat]

Oh, my gosh.

[Gene]

I gave a homeless man this last taco, and he talking about, where the green sauce, man.

[Pat]

I see that a lot, lot more now.

[Gene]

Homeless people are getting more selective with the shit that goes into their body, and rightfully so. Like, I literally tried to give. I thought, like, I was trying to do a good thing. I saw a homeless guy. He asked for money before I went in, and I'm just like, you know what? I'm a buy food because I don't know what he using the money for. And I bought them, like, a bunch of double cheeseburgers. And I handed it to him. He was like, bro, I don't eat this. I Was like, damn.

[Joe]

Really?

[Gene]

Yeah. He was like, straight up told me. He's like, I don't eat McDonald's. I was like, should start.

[Pat]

I feel like you can be picking.

[Joe]

I mean, I mean, what.

[Gene]

I guess, you know, you can't tell me how they were.

[Joe]

Yeah, more health conscious. It's 20, 26. Probably got a gym membership.

[Pat]

Some of them do, though.

[Gene]

No, that's true.

[Joe]

That's like the. That's what you got to do.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Showers you can get, you know, you be healthy or whatever. But that's mad funny, Cameron.

[Gene]

Imagine. Still talk to women. Yeah. I live around the area.

[Joe]

You know, I worked for a company that. It was called Elite Daily here in Manhattan. And there was a homeless guy who had a sign that we would walk by all the time. And he was like, on our corner. And then. But he always looked like kind of well dressed. And then one of our. One of the guys that worked there was like, I'm gonna go interview that guy and see like, what the deal is. And then we did this whole series on him. I think it's called, like, Homeless Joe. But it was a guy who, like, there was like an interview thing. They, like, walked around with him and he would go to like, CVS and he would just like, use something there, like in the aisle to, like, do his hair and whatever. And then he would go to bars and he would like, hit on women and then go home with them and stay with them, and it was like this whole thing.

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[Joe]

One crunchy bite of a Hershey's cookies and cream bar and I'm taken right back to college.

[Female Guest]

Move in.

[Joe]

Day I was a little overwhelmed by

[Gene]

the newness of it all.

[Joe]

Boxes were everywhere. I needed a break from unpacking. But just as I was able to take a breath and open my Hershey's cookies and cream bar, my new roommate Rachel walked in. I offered her a piece, but she said no. Then after a beat, she said, actually,

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

those are my favorite ones.

[Joe]

We laughed.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

The ice was broken, and we've been friends ever since.

[Joe]

Hershey's, it's your happy place thing. And it went, like, crazy viral. But that was, like, the thing. He's like, sometimes I would get a gym membership to, like, take a shower or whatever. And then I go to CVS and I use this stuff. He has a bunch of outfits, so he doesn't, like, you know, quote unquote, look homeless. Yeah, but he is sitting there and he's, like, panhandling. But then he'll try to go out to bars and present as, like, not homeless and just be like, oh, I'll just come stay at your place.

[Pat]

Oh.

[Joe]

And like, that's kind of what he was doing. This was a while ago.

[Gene]

That has to be, like, the, like, best Riz of all time. Like, I don't have. He was sleep. Riz is crazy.

[Joe]

He was a very smooth talker, like, for sure. But it was very, like, interesting. Like, crazy. He became, like, an Internet sensation.

[Pat]

I've never. What. Do you know his name?

[Joe]

Homeless Joe. I mean, that's the only name that I.

[Pat]

Is he still around?

[Joe]

I don't think so. This was a while ago.

[Pat]

So you don't think he's homeless anymore?

[Joe]

No, I think he's chilling.

[Gene]

He got it figured out now.

[Joe]

He must have moved. Adam and Head.

[Gene]

Found the right one. Find the right one. Married, got two houses, countryside, Somebody for everybody. No, that is very true.

[Pat]

All right, let's get to some callers. Yo, yo.

[Caller 1]

What's going on?

[Gene]

You know, chilling, sound like he's smoking or something.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, no, that's true. That's true.

[Pat]

Welcome to Craft Stories Podcast. It's me, Pat, and our friend Joe here.

[Caller 1]

All right, nice to be back. Nice to be back.

[Pat]

Oh, you repeat caller.

[Caller 1]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Gene]

I got a problem.

[Pat]

What's your hot take of the week?

[Caller 1]

All right, it's not even for the week. This for, like, life. But not showering after sex is top tier.

[Joe]

Oh, what, like, top tier?

[Caller 1]

Because, like, for me, I just like that nice sex coochie smell, like. And then a couple days, like, you feel me? You'll be marinating. I get to scratch my nuts. Little scratch and sniff. You smell me?

[Gene]

Sex. Sex coochie smell.

[Joe]

You said a couple of days.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, maybe like one or two, but maybe even three, depending on how I'm feeling.

[Pat]

Interesting.

[Gene]

Do you take showers yourself or just. Yeah, it's a mutual thing. Like, nobody takes a shower. Or you get to take a shower and she doesn't.

[Caller 1]

No, no, no. She still do her normal thing. Like, just after we had sex for a couple days. Like, I'm just not going to shower a couple days.

[Pat]

Like, where do you work? Like, where do you work at Wally World. Oh, what type of. What type? Oh, like Walmart?

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay, Okay. I never heard somebody call it Wally World.

[Gene]

Sounds like a lifetime employee to me.

[Caller 1]

No, no, no, no.

[Pat]

You don't think that I smelled this?

[Joe]

Like, what does your apartment smell like?

[Caller 1]

I mean, it smelled good, like, to you.

[Zambian Caller]

My.

[Caller 1]

My nuts just think that's it.

[Pat]

Your nuts stank, but you got, like,

[Joe]

candles going or something like that.

[Caller 1]

I mean, yeah, like, you feel me? It's just me.

[Gene]

You. You literally walk past soap every day. Like, like, you. I know. Like, what do you work. What do you do at Walmart?

[Caller 1]

I'll be stalking, of course.

[Gene]

We knew you have to be in the back. There's no way this man is on the floor.

[Pat]

So, like, is it just with the girl you're with or just any girl that you have sex with?

[Caller 1]

The girl I'm with right now, like, in the past. You feel me? Like, I'm gonna take that. I'm gonna take that day or two without that shower.

[Joe]

Does she know you're doing that? Does she like it?

[Caller 1]

Nobody gonna know I'm doing it.

[Joe]

Okay, man,

[Pat]

like, you in too deep, brother.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

No, no, no. Like, when is the last time.

[Gene]

When is the last time you had a shower? Are you talking to a stinky or have you just.

[Caller 1]

No, I. I had a shower just yesterday.

[Gene]

I had a time.

[Pat]

Is it.

[Gene]

He said I had a shower. Like, it's like an event.

[Pat]

Did you leave the house today?

[Caller 1]

Nah, I don't got work till the night.

[Pat]

Oh, that.

[Gene]

He smelled like weed and just smoking weed, stinking up your girl.

[Pat]

I know.

[Caller 1]

I've been taking my showers, though. I ain't had no bunion in a minute.

[Gene]

Oh, so you literally only do it when you have sex?

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Gene]

So, like, you wait until you do the stinkiest thing. Almost like the probably the second stinkiest thing a human can do, and then you don't shower.

[Caller 1]

What type of girls you messing with?

[Gene]

Bro, your girl literally stinks, bro, if

[Caller 1]

you know she don't.

[Gene]

Yes, she does. If you stink, she stinks. There's nothing don't work.

[Caller 1]

That's not even. That's not how that works. It is after the sex, but you're like.

[Pat]

You're, like, sweaty and shit, though. Like, you just said your ball smell. So if your ball smell, there's more chance that she smells as well.

[Caller 1]

No, that's not true. My girlfriend smell like, like.

[Gene]

No, your girl. Your girl. Your girlfriend's stinky. Off proximity. If you stink, your fucking Girlfriend stinks because she's allowed, so she's Miss Stink.

[Female Guest]

Stinky.

[Joe]

Will you. Will you shower before you have sex after this, this time, or were you just like,

[Caller 1]

I always shower before the set?

[Joe]

Okay, okay. At least there's that.

[Gene]

So how do you know you're about to have sex if you're walking around stinky and then your girl come in like, oh, babe, I want to have sex. You like, hold on, let me go hop in the shower.

[Caller 1]

That's the thing. Like, if my sex, I'm not gonna be stinky. I'm not stinky. Most of the time. It's just after the sex. Like, for them, one or two days after sex, like, I'm gonna be still scratching, sniffing my nuts.

[Gene]

So you're only having sex so you don't have sex consistently, that's what you're saying. Because you're saying one or two days, so you have to wait one or two days.

[Caller 1]

I mean, yeah, not. Not too consistent.

[Joe]

You're trying to make the smell last.

[Female Guest]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Like, really let it marinate. Like, but it's not like, I'm not having sex on purpose. Like.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, but you're just trying to make it last. Like, you. You want this. The. The funk to.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Like. Like you ain't never, like, had sex in the car. Like, hot box, like, a little bit.

[Gene]

Yeah, I get what you're saying, but.

[Joe]

Yeah, but I roll the windows down.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, No, I ain't rolling no windows

[Gene]

down

[Pat]

trying to sweat.

[Joe]

I'm trapping it.

[Gene]

Hot boxing coochie is different.

[Pat]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Caller 1]

Y' all, too, man.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Female Guest]

How's it, guys?

[Pat]

Hello.

[Gene]

Okay. You're the one. Got it.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to Crowdsomies podcast.

[Female Guest]

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

[Gene]

Happy international women's century to you too.

[Female Guest]

Oh, hey, I didn't even know that. Damn.

[Gene]

It's like, I feel like worst woman alive.

[Female Guest]

Worst woman alive.

[Gene]

Guys. Who you are?

[Female Guest]

Yeah. Hell, yes.

[Joe]

No, you're okay.

[Pat]

Where are you from?

[Female Guest]

South Africa.

[Pat]

Okay, okay.

[Gene]

Oh, okay.

[Pat]

I got a question for you. What's the strangest thing you've ever spent money on?

[Female Guest]

That would have to be the PS5 that I bought my lame ass ex when he very clearly did not like me. Not an inch.

[Gene]

Why.

[Joe]

Why are you saying that he didn't like you?

[Female Guest]

Oh, man, he used to call me a lot of names. Dead ass. He'd be like, you're a slut. I'm like, dude, I'm only sleeping with you. What are you talking about?

[Pat]

Why was he. Why was what happened with the slut allegations?

[Female Guest]

I don't know, man. Like, why was he saying angry? I think it's just because I don't have a lot of guy friends, but like, the ones that I do have, like, I'm close to. Do you feel me?

[Pat]

Okay, close in what way?

[Female Guest]

I just like, I would be there for them. Do you feel me? Like, if they were like one of them was going through a hell of bad breakup, like all his friends abandoned him like that. And I was like, there for him, you know?

[Gene]

Oh, okay. This is. That's pretty easy. It's pretty easy. Hang. Did he think those guys were lying or like he just didn't like you hanging out with those guys?

[Female Guest]

I think he just didn't like any male attention that I got. Like, the whole thing was just weird.

[Joe]

How long did you date him?

[Female Guest]

Oh, you guys are gonna tune the out of me. But on and off for four years, I think I went back to him like 10 times.

[Gene]

10 times?

[Pat]

God damn. What was the first? Like, what were the reasons you left him?

[Joe]

Yeah, the first nine, that 10 time. Like at what year did you buy this Xbox? The ps? Five

[Female Guest]

years ago, I think.

[Joe]

Oh, two years ago. Oh, are you guys like done? Because you said on and off, so are you actually off?

[Female Guest]

Hell yes, I'm off. The most single girl you will ever meet.

[Gene]

We gotta get you on a dating show. You deserve love. That dude wherever he at. Hope he burn in hell.

[Female Guest]

I mean, if you're single, you know who.

[Joe]

You.

[Truck Driver]

Who?

[Female Guest]

Both of you.

[Gene]

Whenever you finish that semester at Hogwarts, we could. Well, definitely.

[Pat]

I appreciate you coming on.

[Gene]

No, no, we appreciate you and we. Maybe we'll get you.

[Female Guest]

Thanks guys for having me.

[Gene]

Maybe we'll get you on a dating show to help you find love because you don't deserve.

[Female Guest]

Oh yes, please do.

[Gene]

You don't deserve whatever that dude is doing to you. Him. Everybody agree?

[Pat]

Yes, yes, we agree.

[Female Guest]

Oh, thanks.

[Pat]

All right, you have a good one.

[Joe]

Hello.

[Pat]

Hello.

[Ola]

Hi.

[Pat]

Hello. Welcome to Crash Enemies podcast. Hi, it's me, Pat and our friend Joe here.

[Ola]

Hi guys, I'm Ola and only one

[Gene]

of us has on an international woman shirt. It's me, Hurrah Edit International women's right here. Appreciate you. I gotta. I got a prompt for you. So start it like this. As a grown man or woman, you shouldn't go ahead.

[Ola]

Should not be wearing all white. Come down to the shoes.

[Joe]

Just an all white outfit.

[Ola]

Yeah, like wearing all white tee and then going and buying white jeans is crazy because where do you even find White.

[Pat]

What is it going to Michael Rubin's house? I mean, the all white party.

[Ola]

You got money then? Sure.

[Gene]

Oh, so if you have money, you

[Ola]

can wear all white teachers on you throwing the party? Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. Okay.

[Joe]

What about like a. Like a European linen collection?

[Ola]

I think Europeans look at Americans when they wear all linen. Crazy, probably.

[Gene]

If you go to Europe, are you. Are you allowed to wear all white or is it just like you said, man and woman or just men?

[Ola]

No, men. Grown men.

[Joe]

What about. How do you feel about men wearing a full white suit on their wedding day?

[Ola]

To each his own. But I guess if that's what he wants to do, I mean, his wedding day. That's how we want to be remembered. That's how he wanted to be.

[Pat]

What is. What was your husband or your.

[Ola]

My man.

[Pat]

Yeah, it was if it was your man.

[Gene]

No, your husband.

[Ola]

My husband. No, it wouldn't. I wouldn't fly.

[Pat]

That would not fly on his day.

[Gene]

Oh, wait, wait. This is hypothetical.

[Ola]

No, dead ass.

[Joe]

Like, no, you would walk down the aisle, put your foot in the ground, and turn the other way.

[Ola]

No, he would not be able to make that soup, period. No, he's not making that soup always.

[Pat]

How would you know he had it, though? Don't you guys, like, hide the men? Men don't hide their suits.

[Joe]

The first look.

[Pat]

Yeah,

[Ola]

it's the woman's day, not the men's day.

[Gene]

Are we. Are we talking about a hypothetical, hypothetical relationship, though? Is she in a relationship?

[Ola]

Oh, no, I'm actually in a relationship.

[Gene]

Oh, okay. So he doesn't wear all white?

[Ola]

No, he does not.

[Joe]

What is it about the all white that you don't like?

[Ola]

I don't know. It gives high school. It gives childish.

[Gene]

I feel it. What is like. Let's talk about your husband, though. I met your boyfriend.

[Ola]

Right, My boyfriend. What about him?

[Gene]

How long y' all been dating?

[Ola]

Like four some years.

[Gene]

Four some years. How old are you?

[Ola]

Yeah, I'm 29.

[Gene]

Y' all been dating since y' all about 25? Nope. Y'.

[Ola]

All.

[Gene]

Y' all engaged?

[Ola]

Better be this year.

[Gene]

He probably said that last year.

[Ola]

No, no, no. I'm dead ass this year. This year is like my year. I'm like, I'm turning 30. If not, I'm gonna go find me one.

[Pat]

Oh, wow. So you ready to leave if you don't get engaged too?

[Ola]

Yeah. What? I'm foreign. I need to be foreign down my ass about that. This.

[Gene]

You're foreign.

[Pat]

Oh, you're Nigerian, aren't you?

[Ola]

I'm Arab.

[Gene]

Got it, got it. Got it, got it.

[Pat]

What's your name? That sounds Nigerian for some reason.

[Ola]

It is Nigerian, but it's in Arabic. It's pronounced.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Truck Driver]

Yeah.

[Ola]

Cause y' all can't say it.

[Gene]

No, no, you good. I probably wouldn't.

[Pat]

I just knew it was not Nigerian name. Yeah, you're about right.

[Joe]

It is, it is.

[Ola]

Yeah. No, yeah, it is. It is a Nigerian name, but mine's a spelled look way different.

[Gene]

So what if your boyfriend told you, I'll propose to you, but I want to be able to wear all white for the rest of our lives.

[Ola]

Better be in private.

[Joe]

Or if he. Or if he. He gets down on a knee and he's wearing an all white outfit or you're like, I want to say yes,

[Ola]

he's not going to wear all white, my man. He's very particular how he dresses.

[Gene]

Oh, you know everything he gonna do, huh?

[Ola]

Yeah, well, I don't know everything.

[Gene]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ola]

Little things.

[Pat]

All right.

[Gene]

All right, well, hit us back when you engage. See you.

[Ola]

Oh, I will.

[Gene]

Hopefully the podcast still going.

[Pat]

Hopefully we got along late night by then.

[Joe]

Like, hopefully I am.

[Ola]

Or I might be married by then.

[Gene]

Be like my new co host. My son. My 18 year old son here.

[Pat]

All right, you have a good one.

[Ola]

You too. Bye.

[Pat]

Bye.

[Gene]

Yo. God damn. Yo, who we call the right brothers? Turn that point.

[Truck Driver]

I'm in the semi truck. I know. I'm sorry, guys.

[Pat]

Okay. I definitely heard the serious radio. I got a question for you. Oh, finish this prompt. As a grown man, you shouldn't.

[Truck Driver]

You shouldn't be vlogging every day as a grown man.

[Pat]

No get ready with me.

[Truck Driver]

What's that said?

[Pat]

No get ready with me.

[Truck Driver]

No, that's all right. But if you got like your grandmother and she's the only one that watches the video, then no, just stop.

[Pat]

Well, that's how. That's how you got to start, though.

[Truck Driver]

Oh, yeah, that's true. Don't get me wrong. But like, if you do it for like years and you still got one view and just your family watching and your cousins watching, forget about it.

[Gene]

Is he Canadian or something?

[Zambian Caller]

No.

[Truck Driver]

Hey, no, no, no. I get that a lot.

[Joe]

That sounded even more.

[Truck Driver]

I'm from Minnesota.

[Gene]

Oh, that makes a lot of sense. So you are Canadian.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, that's Canadian adjacent.

[Pat]

It sounds like. Like it might be actually happening in your life. Like, who's vlogging right now that you want to stop? You can shout them out right now.

[Truck Driver]

I don't know anybody, man.

[Joe]

What's an appropriate amount of days in a row that you can vlog. That is acceptable. But then you said after a certain amount of time, you're like, all right, pack it in.

[Truck Driver]

Well, I mean, I've seen some people on Instagram reels, and they usually get like, 10, 12 likes on their videos and all, but, like, they've been doing it for years, and they just. They just haven't gained anything.

[Gene]

Okay, I got a thing for you. Okay, you drive a truck, right?

[Truck Driver]

Yes, sir.

[Gene]

Okay, you're driving a truck. Let's say you.

[Truck Driver]

You long distance, regional. So sometimes I'm out of the home.

[Gene]

Just give me. Just give me an average. Average time that you drive from place to place.

[Truck Driver]

About. Well, you get 11 hours of driving.

[Gene]

Okay, let's say in 11 hours, 13 people hunk at you and say, man, that's some good driving. Would you feel good about yourself?

[Truck Driver]

Not gonna lie. Yeah, you got me blushing over here.

[Joe]

You know how to drive that?

[Truck Driver]

Hey, I appreciate it. You got me feeling good over here. Not gonna lie.

[Gene]

But that's how those people feel with those 11, 12 likes that. That's a lot of likes. People don't have to like your. When the last time you got a. When the last time you got a compliment on your driving?

[Truck Driver]

I would say one time when I was driving through a blizzard, and I never put that thing in the ditch. And I see some other guys put themselves in the ditch, so.

[Gene]

Oh, you got a.

[Truck Driver]

Didn't say. That's good.

[Gene]

You got a. You didn't die compliment.

[Joe]

Happy you're still here.

[Truck Driver]

Yeah. But I just want to say thank you guys for putting me on here. You know, I've been watching since, like, the first episodes I ever watched was the day that you guys put the old guy that was holding or ordering a White Castle. I don't know if you guys remember that.

[Gene]

No, we don't. An old guy that was ordering White Castle.

[Truck Driver]

I don't know, some old head. He was. He rides a motorcycle. That's all I know.

[Gene]

Okay, that detail. That detail made it a thousand times worse for my memory. He just added a motorcycle to something I already didn't know.

[Truck Driver]

Well, I mean, I usually call him. Sometimes he's on the motorcycle. And the first time I ever heard this guy, he was ordering White Castle, and you guys were talking about what would he do on his last day on Earth? And I think it's something about he was getting a foursome with some girls or something.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Gene]

Yeah, I do remember. Right now, he's talking about og.

[Pat]

Oh, okay.

[Truck Driver]

You should put him. You should put him on again. We haven't heard from him.

[Gene]

That's. That's, like, one of our.

[Pat]

That's actually our real friend.

[Gene]

That's like, a real friend. He going through. He got a real motorcycle team, so be careful what you say. They might pull up on you. All right.

[Pat]

You have a good one.

[Truck Driver]

All right, you too. Thanks.

[Gene]

Hello?

[Caller 2]

You guys hear me?

[Pat]

Yeah, we're gonna get right into it. How's it going?

[Caller 2]

Oh, good.

[Gene]

Slow down, Mike.

[Pat]

Oh, my gosh. All right, what's your hot take of the week?

[Caller 2]

The United States has way too many states in it.

[Joe]

Too many states?

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Joe]

All right.

[Caller 2]

Way too many.

[Joe]

We're going to give you an opportunity right now. Which one should we get rid of?

[Gene]

Do it.

[Caller 2]

Probably one of the useless ones, like Wyoming.

[Gene]

Wow.

[Pat]

Okay. What else?

[Gene]

Down to 49.

[Pat]

What do we.

[Joe]

What is that one, like, getting sucked into.

[Caller 2]

They can become its own thing.

[Joe]

Do you just want to rename Wyoming?

[Caller 2]

No, no, they'll be on its own. It can be. They're on their own.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Female Guest]

Okay.

[Joe]

We're just throwing it out.

[Pat]

So what. How many states you want to get it down to?

[Caller 2]

Let's say like, 40, 35.

[Gene]

Okay, 40, 35. You're trying to get rid of 10, 15.

[Pat]

So give us more. Five more states you think should go then?

[Gene]

Yeah, let's work it.

[Caller 2]

You can, like. I don't think we could, like, absorb a couple of states. Like, there's no need for two Carolinas. Two Dakota, West Virginia, or whatever. You could absorb those.

[Joe]

I mean, I'm super down for north and South Dakota to be one thing.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

That way you can avoid the whole thing. Oh, no, we. With the Dakota thing. Where the. Do you want Wyoming to go, though?

[Caller 2]

Lives there.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Pat]

Kanye. Kanye was there for a bit.

[Joe]

There's 1800 people that you just pissed off.

[Caller 2]

I mean, I'm from Canada. We only, like, teen.

[Gene]

You're from Canada?

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Gene]

You want to get rid of states?

[Caller 2]

Yeah, there's no need. We're. We have a bigger country.

[Gene]

Oh, you're trying to. Trust me. You don't want to. Come on now. We're big bro for a reason.

[Caller 2]

No, you're not.

[Joe]

We're a big bro.

[Gene]

No, no, no. You guys need to cook bacon all the way through. We're big bro.

[Joe]

What?

[Pat]

All right. Yeah, go on.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Zambian Caller]

Yo, yo, what's up, Pat?

[Gene]

Okay, that's not Pat.

[Pat]

This is Pat.

[Zambian Caller]

Oh. Oh, Pat.

[Caller 1]

That's Mike.

[Zambian Caller]

Mike. Mike. Yeah.

[Pat]

All right.

[Gene]

Where's he from, though?

[Pat]

Hey. Where are you from?

[Zambian Caller]

Zambia.

[Pat]

Zambia. Okay. Shout out to my. My zombie. Finish this. This prompt or just say the prompt. As a grown man, you shouldn't.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah, so actually I was going for. As a grown man, can you hear me?

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that was like a dramatic. Yeah, go ahead.

[Zambian Caller]

So, like, I think, I think, I think as a grown. As a grown man, you're not supposed to know unnecessary things about your boys. You feel me?

[Pat]

Like, unnecessary things like what?

[Zambian Caller]

Like, like knowing your boy's birthday, favorite colors,

[Joe]

birthdays. Birthday's okay. Favorite color is hilarious.

[Gene]

No, he's right. No, he's cooking. Birthday.

[Joe]

Do you know his favorite color?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Joe]

What is it?

[Gene]

Pink.

[Pat]

Do you know my favorite color?

[Gene]

I think it gotta be brown. I feel like.

[Pat]

Nah, it's been. It's purple, but I would say brown now. I feel like my favorite color changes with like my clothing.

[Gene]

Yeah, I feel like I knew the purple thing. Cause you were that all purpl.

[Joe]

So this is exactly what you're talking about, right? Like this conversation you think is exactly

[Zambian Caller]

what. What do you mean? You know your friend's favorite color.

[Gene]

No, that's right. No, you're right, because it's like, why the are you telling me that we celebrating your birthday? I should just go out on a random night out and be like, yo, bro, why are you drinking something?

[Pat]

You can know your friend's birthday. What else? What else though?

[Zambian Caller]

To me, to me, to me. I think might as well. You. You might as well just each other for birthday.

[Pat]

To know your birthday. Holy.

[Joe]

He's like, yeah, if you're gonna text me at 1201, Happy Birthday. Wait, we're in a relationship.

[Gene]

But I hate people that don't stand on business. So you don't know any other guy's birthday? You don't know anybody's birthday? No, even.

[Zambian Caller]

Even my, even like my close friends, they just tell me, I like, ah, yo, today is my birthday.

[Pat]

I be like, he closes the ears. Don't tell me that.

[Gene]

I don't want to know that. He like, I don't want to talk about it. We going to have to. If I find out.

[Joe]

So if someone tells you it's your birthday, like, is it okay to be like, oh, it's your birthday, happy birthday, or you can't say happy birthday to your boys?

[Zambian Caller]

No, no, I feel like it's cringe like, okay, for. Okay. Like a girl can like, oh, you're saying if, if it's my birthday?

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

If it, if it's. Well, no, if it's one of your friends birthdays and you go out and then they're like, oh, it's My birthday. And you're like, oh, happy birthday. Like, is that cool that you could wish your boy happy birthday?

[Gene]

No.

[Pat]

Well, give me one more. Give me one more example. But birthdays,

[Zambian Caller]

like, you know, like, okay, we can. We. Okay, it can be your birthday and we can go out and have some drinks and. But not like telling me that this is the birthday. Like, this is the birthday going on.

[Gene]

So, so you can't. You can't. You can't know the birthday, but you can go out and get intoxicated with another man on purpose.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah, some type.

[Pat]

Okay, you're not the birthday, bro. But give me, Give me another example, though, of things that unnecessary things like

[Zambian Caller]

even knowing your friends type like, like, type of a girl.

[Joe]

Like, oh, that's your type. That's the kind of girl that's valid.

[Pat]

No, I should not know about your typ.

[Gene]

Should not know your type, bro.

[Pat]

If you know my type, then when you see my type out, you can be like, hey, I. There's this girl that would be knowing the type that'd be knowing the. That's. You're right.

[Gene]

No, no, you right, bro.

[Zambian Caller]

Yeah. Yo, yo, yo. Can I. Can I say something?

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Zambian Caller]

I didn't expect you guys like to call me so, like, I'm a bit nervous right now, and I've been a big fan of your podcast for a while now.

[Pat]

I appreciate it. You know, hey, as a man, you shouldn't be telling people that you're nervous. As a man, you tell me you're nervous.

[Joe]

You shouldn't know your boy's podcast that they like.

[Pat]

Yeah, come on.

[Zambian Caller]

I just gotta be real. Listen, I just have to be real on this one. It's like, okay, from where I'm from, it's like I feel like I'm the only one that, that, like, your part. You feel me? Like, most of my friends don't like hopping parts. And she's like, I've never seen any of my friends, like, talking about. No, this is podcast. But you guys are like, look like

[Gene]

you don't see your friends talk about how the would you know about podcast. You don't even know they deal.

[Pat]

Yeah, you can't even ask their questions.

[Zambian Caller]

Now, now, part you on the. Bro, I know you, man.

[Gene]

What you know about me

[Zambian Caller]

now you talk some, bro. It's like, I, I, I know you. And actually I with you because you got that. I don't know, like, your jokes, they just get me, like, I understand them very well.

[Gene]

Getting another man is crazy. No, no, you got it. No, no, I appreciate you, bro. You should. There's a. You should audition for Lion King, though.

[Pat]

Oh, my gosh.

[Zambian Caller]

I don't think. I don't. I don't even know how to do that.

[Gene]

I got you, bro. DM me.

[Zambian Caller]

I, I, I. Is Gene there?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gene]

Here.

[Zambian Caller]

Shout out, Jean, bro. Are you good?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

He said shout out to you.

[Gene]

Say shout out, Gene from Zambia. He said you.

[Zambian Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Pat]

You don't with people from Zambia, bro.

[Gene]

He said, oh, all right, bro.

[Pat]

All right, bro.

[Gene]

You have a good one now. I with you, bro. Hey, put them boys on. I know y' all don't talk much, but put them.

[Pat]

Can you give your friends suggestions as a man?

[Zambian Caller]

Yep. Huh?

[Pat]

Can you give your friends suggestions as a man?

[Zambian Caller]

No?

[Pat]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Joe]

Are you just giving me a suggestion? Is that a no?

[Gene]

What's next? You want my ass?

[Caller 1]

Huh?

[Pat]

Oh, man. Man, Joe, appreciate you coming on the pod, bro.

[Joe]

Yeah, no problem, man. That was mad.

[Gene]

I will say anything you want to shout. I will say anything you want to shout out. But obviously he's more famous, so you probably saw this before you saw the podcast. Anyway.

[Pat]

It's been Crash Dummies podcast episode. Who knows?

[Gene]

Peace.

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